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Roderick on the Line

Ep. 255: "The Fancy-Enough Window"

 

00:00:00   [Music] [TS]

00:00:07   hello hi John [TS]

00:00:10   hi Merlyn how's it going good hmm yeah I [TS]

00:00:16   I made some eye I made some stunning [TS]

00:00:20   coffee today [TS]

00:00:21   Wow tell me about it well coffee around [TS]

00:00:24   here has been kind of kind of not that [TS]

00:00:26   good lately I've just been sort of just [TS]

00:00:30   phoning it in you haven't been doing as [TS]

00:00:31   much public speaking at appearances no I [TS]

00:00:35   just mean you have been getting gift [TS]

00:00:38   bags with free coffee in it right hmm [TS]

00:00:40   yeah but I've lately I've gone ahead and [TS]

00:00:44   just bought coffee [TS]

00:00:45   oh that's all yeah I know it's a bit to [TS]

00:00:48   hurt but I thought like that yeah but uh [TS]

00:00:52   but I haven't just been you know like I [TS]

00:00:54   use a coffee pot I don't know there's [TS]

00:00:56   nothing fancy about me I'm not you know [TS]

00:00:58   I don't think I'm better than you but [TS]

00:01:01   I've just not even been using the coffee [TS]

00:01:03   pot very very well I've just been sort [TS]

00:01:06   of pouring some coffee in do you have a [TS]

00:01:11   mr. coffee style drip coffee maker [TS]

00:01:14   that's right mm-hmm how much do you make [TS]

00:01:16   when you make coffee [TS]

00:01:17   I always make an entire pot is that [TS]

00:01:19   other convenience for knowing the [TS]

00:01:20   measurements or is that like an [TS]

00:01:22   aspirational pot I figure well it's it's [TS]

00:01:26   partly make all the bacon mm-hmm [TS]

00:01:29   we got to write an e-book at some point [TS]

00:01:31   Oh big Gulf bacon man [TS]

00:01:34   I always make all the bacon make all the [TS]

00:01:36   column I'll save these two strips for [TS]

00:01:39   that day that's definitely coming in the [TS]

00:01:40   next day or two or I want to make [TS]

00:01:41   exactly two strips of bacon yeah or like [TS]

00:01:47   sometimes people will stay over at the [TS]

00:01:49   house and I'll come downstairs in the [TS]

00:01:50   morning and they will have made enough [TS]

00:01:52   coffee for us both uh-huh I'm like what [TS]

00:01:55   you don't know what's gonna happen the [TS]

00:01:56   rest of this day what it's a power goes [TS]

00:01:58   out where exactly what the fuck enough [TS]

00:02:01   coffee it's it's another version of [TS]

00:02:03   packing a small bag which will [TS]

00:02:04   definitely be in our ebook or like you [TS]

00:02:06   know for me I know you're a fan of [TS]

00:02:07   noodles you you know you got me I used [TS]

00:02:09   to be a whenever I'd make steak I would [TS]

00:02:12   often make rice I still sometimes make [TS]

00:02:13   rice you [TS]

00:02:14   you got me into I remember one day I [TS]

00:02:15   said hey we're making steaks and you [TS]

00:02:18   really yeah steaks and I made steaks and [TS]

00:02:20   I served the steaks with some probably [TS]

00:02:22   some wild rice and he said no noodles [TS]

00:02:26   noodles and but you know I see you in [TS]

00:02:30   the noodles mistake I gotta tell ya I [TS]

00:02:34   have come around egg noodle with steak a [TS]

00:02:36   delight the fatter the egg noodle the [TS]

00:02:39   wider the egg noodle the bed of the [TS]

00:02:40   steak so I get him why'd I get him why [TS]

00:02:43   but here's the thing sometimes don't [TS]

00:02:44   think cuz you know I got a kid she eats [TS]

00:02:46   a lot of pasta products and I'll gonna [TS]

00:02:50   put some noodles in there here's the [TS]

00:02:51   amount of noodles to make if you've got [TS]

00:02:53   a bag a regular grocery store bag of [TS]

00:02:56   noodles you either make hardly any or [TS]

00:02:59   all of them yep cuz nobody wants a [TS]

00:03:02   quarter of a bag of egg noodles that [TS]

00:03:04   will never come in handy he'll let me [TS]

00:03:06   put a rubber band right let me let me [TS]

00:03:07   spend 25 cents on the ziplock bag for [TS]

00:03:10   this make all the noodles mm-hmm make [TS]

00:03:13   all the bacon pennies talking about [TS]

00:03:15   pennies yeah make all like an entire pot [TS]

00:03:18   of coffee every every time you make [TS]

00:03:20   coffee make an entire pot and leave it [TS]

00:03:22   either sitting on the counter until it's [TS]

00:03:24   done or if you're going away on a trip [TS]

00:03:27   for more than three days go ahead and [TS]

00:03:28   put it in the fridge but also like make [TS]

00:03:35   like make all the like a you know my [TS]

00:03:37   daughter's mother does a thing where she [TS]

00:03:39   will make some food serve it and then [TS]

00:03:45   keep some in reserve which i think is [TS]

00:03:48   great always keep a little bit in [TS]

00:03:51   reserve always keep you know two cups [TS]

00:03:53   back in the pot I mean of the produced [TS]

00:03:56   product or of the source material of the [TS]

00:04:00   produced product example well what's [TS]

00:04:03   your what you're thinking about in this [TS]

00:04:04   context is seconds or leftovers okay [TS]

00:04:08   mm-hmm if you get to the point in the [TS]

00:04:10   meal where you're like I couldn't eat [TS]

00:04:11   another bite then you've got a super [TS]

00:04:14   nice little lunch II sized leftover [TS]

00:04:17   throwing a throwing you're throwing your [TS]

00:04:19   snap top refrigerator glass uh-huh it's [TS]

00:04:24   not enough for like a big meal but when [TS]

00:04:26   you're when you're poking around [TS]

00:04:28   the fridge one o'clock in the afternoon [TS]

00:04:30   you're like ah all I want is an apple [TS]

00:04:32   really but then you're like oh look at [TS]

00:04:33   this mm-hmm look up look up ups of this [TS]

00:04:36   good stuff or you get done and you're [TS]

00:04:40   like I just want some more and you go [TS]

00:04:43   all right I got more cops said you kept [TS]

00:04:46   some in reserve kept some in reserves so [TS]

00:04:48   there's that on this once - Oh Stu you [TS]

00:04:52   can always use a little more Stu well [TS]

00:04:54   and you can always throw anything in Stu [TS]

00:04:56   that's called us to routinely I make [TS]

00:05:00   stew which is just all the stuff that I [TS]

00:05:01   don't want and wouldn't eat otherwise [TS]

00:05:03   kind of Pacific northwestern goulash [TS]

00:05:06   little bit every culture has a goulash [TS]

00:05:09   they do and it's one of the it's one of [TS]

00:05:11   the words that everyone understands even [TS]

00:05:13   if you go to Outer Mongolia you're gonna [TS]

00:05:15   find you're gonna say goulash and [TS]

00:05:16   they're gonna go oh yeah okay Peleg oh [TS]

00:05:19   yeah always at least around here has one [TS]

00:05:29   freezer burn chicken breast in it it [TS]

00:05:32   might have even one piece of fish that I [TS]

00:05:35   don't remember how it came here and I [TS]

00:05:37   don't know how to cook fish that never [TS]

00:05:48   survives my freezer cleanouts [TS]

00:05:50   my sanity saving freezer clean outs that [TS]

00:05:52   I occasionally do Trader Joe's packaged [TS]

00:05:59   so the portion is very modest it's way [TS]

00:06:02   too much for one person who doesn't care [TS]

00:06:03   that much tougher tilapia and it's it's [TS]

00:06:06   not even nearly enough for three people [TS]

00:06:08   who are not into tilapia it's there's no [TS]

00:06:10   good amount of tilapia you throw it away [TS]

00:06:12   you know tilapia is the only fish that [TS]

00:06:14   can survive in the Salton Sea I did not [TS]

00:06:17   know that Salton Sea has become so [TS]

00:06:19   polluted with the chemical runoff and [TS]

00:06:22   just like pure heavy metals that rise up [TS]

00:06:24   from the bottom of the earth it killed [TS]

00:06:28   everything if you go to the Salton Sea [TS]

00:06:30   the banks of the sea which is an [TS]

00:06:33   enormous sea still are I mean the [TS]

00:06:35   beaches are made out of dead and [TS]

00:06:38   decaying fish it's oh my god [TS]

00:06:41   these fluids are horrible kupaka well [TS]

00:06:44   this is very upsetting [TS]

00:06:46   yeah you can't baby around this enormous [TS]

00:06:49   see that you can barely see it across to [TS]

00:06:51   the other side without like crunching on [TS]

00:06:54   a thousand years worth of dead fish what [TS]

00:06:58   apparently mmm [TS]

00:07:00   tilapia thrive in that environment and [TS]

00:07:03   there are billions of them and did for [TS]

00:07:05   them yeah right it could cause me to [TS]

00:07:08   have new respect for tilapia of fish I [TS]

00:07:10   might add I had never heard of until 12 [TS]

00:07:14   years ago it's whenever garbage foods [TS]

00:07:16   that comes along every few years and [TS]

00:07:18   they say well today's gonna be the hand [TS]

00:07:21   caught tilapia certainly tilapia is [TS]

00:07:23   everywhere my sense of it was that after [TS]

00:07:28   the fishing collapsed off the Grand [TS]

00:07:30   Banks after we had absolutely over [TS]

00:07:33   fished to the point that the fish stock [TS]

00:07:36   could no longer survive that we had [TS]

00:07:38   caught so many fish they couldn't breed [TS]

00:07:39   with each other anymore [TS]

00:07:40   uh-huh and the fish went away in the [TS]

00:07:43   North Atlantic where formerly we've [TS]

00:07:45   gotten all of our fish you get all your [TS]

00:07:47   you get your caught up there right it's [TS]

00:07:49   your card you get your other fish that [TS]

00:07:50   you don't think about that much until [TS]

00:07:52   somebody names them and you're like oh [TS]

00:07:53   yeah that's a fish that's definitely a [TS]

00:07:55   fish all those fish up there and the big [TS]

00:07:58   big big fish the fish that have lived [TS]

00:08:00   600 years and and and can like use just [TS]

00:08:04   a tiny little punching motion to break [TS]

00:08:06   their way out of a coffin [TS]

00:08:07   those fish smart fish all gone and then [TS]

00:08:12   all of a sudden tilapia a garbage fish [TS]

00:08:15   that can live in a polluted desert lake [TS]

00:08:18   suddenly that's on all the menus and [TS]

00:08:20   suddenly you can buy that by the bag and [TS]

00:08:21   I'm like hmm where all these tilapia [TS]

00:08:23   coming from I literally never heard of [TS]

00:08:26   this fish this is this is a very quick [TS]

00:08:28   derail here but but you enjoy fish like [TS]

00:08:31   if somebody makes it for you he makes me [TS]

00:08:33   a fish I will love it I think we can I [TS]

00:08:36   think you're the thin end of this wedge [TS]

00:08:38   for you and I don't want to make work [TS]

00:08:39   for you as you know I think what you do [TS]

00:08:41   is you go somewhere real nice I hear [TS]

00:08:42   they have fresh fish in Seattle this is [TS]

00:08:43   something that I figure and I don't know [TS]

00:08:45   if you get this but I think you should [TS]

00:08:46   get something like Gaya what's that [TS]

00:08:48   fancy one I like not haddock but oh I [TS]

00:08:51   just hadn't the name in my head what's [TS]

00:08:52   the one grouper good if you get a good a [TS]

00:08:54   grouper or similar [TS]

00:08:55   get a real meaty heavy fish fresh as [TS]

00:08:58   possible and come home and prepare that [TS]

00:08:59   with some butter [TS]

00:09:00   I think that's gonna remind you that [TS]

00:09:01   fish can be good so I did the other day [TS]

00:09:04   so I did buy an aspirational bag of [TS]

00:09:07   Trader Joe's tilapia fillets my god [TS]

00:09:09   never eaten any of those it's as big as [TS]

00:09:12   a sack of flour and add every time I [TS]

00:09:15   open the refrigerator I'm like it's like [TS]

00:09:19   playing a bill on the fridge that you [TS]

00:09:21   know you should also you should join a [TS]

00:09:29   gym like back in the 70s you put a pig [TS]

00:09:33   on your refrigerator to remind you're on [TS]

00:09:34   your diet yeah right likes you asshole [TS]

00:09:38   it's just like open the fridge and it's [TS]

00:09:40   just an alarm of all the serve you and [TS]

00:09:43   you put something in there you know it's [TS]

00:09:45   just gonna make you feel bad [TS]

00:09:46   so I said self mmm let's go let's go big [TS]

00:09:51   shot this is easy to buy and let's get [TS]

00:09:56   you know let's jump in here so I took [TS]

00:09:58   out what I thought was a reasonable [TS]

00:10:00   amount of these tilapias question are [TS]

00:10:03   they in a like a block or were they say [TS]

00:10:05   flash-frozen such that you could pull [TS]

00:10:07   one out like with a chicken breast [TS]

00:10:08   flash-frozen like a chicken brandeis and [TS]

00:10:12   I think I threw four of them yeah [TS]

00:10:16   they're small threw them into a pan with [TS]

00:10:20   some oil or butter I don't remember [TS]

00:10:22   which threw some salt and pepper on them [TS]

00:10:24   cooked them until they appeared to be [TS]

00:10:27   done ish and item that with some rice [TS]

00:10:33   rice saying hmm and and I was like not [TS]

00:10:40   bad not good not bad so the next time I [TS]

00:10:44   made a za terranes [TS]

00:10:46   mmm rice in a box new orleans-style [TS]

00:10:50   you make the rice in a box msg PI I'm a [TS]

00:10:53   huge fan of the saturate oh brother I [TS]

00:10:57   don't know look I got a whole [TS]

00:10:58   methodology with this man 3 sausage [TS]

00:11:00   buddy oh they're really good Jesse oh [TS]

00:11:03   I'm very happy to hear this I thought I [TS]

00:11:05   was I have been our mutual friend John [TS]

00:11:06   siracusa has made fun of me because [TS]

00:11:08   eat a lot of Zadar and rice with things [TS]

00:11:09   in it no no no they're great and and [TS]

00:11:11   it's another way to make stew right you [TS]

00:11:13   can just throw anything into is that [TS]

00:11:14   Naren swords that does he say you know [TS]

00:11:17   it's great in there I just give you a [TS]

00:11:18   quick tip if you got him I don't know if [TS]

00:11:19   you got him I I live in a house with [TS]

00:11:22   people so we have cherry tomatoes [TS]

00:11:25   sometimes or those little baby tomatoes [TS]

00:11:26   oh you put a bunch of those on top I [TS]

00:11:28   don't have those no do you like that no [TS]

00:11:31   but I do [TS]

00:11:32   oh wait a minute but one time I did have [TS]

00:11:34   a can a mysterious can of cherry [TS]

00:11:37   tomatoes I can of cherry tomatoes thing [TS]

00:11:39   I never would have purchased in my life [TS]

00:11:41   I have no idea Paul Sabourin brought it [TS]

00:11:43   here sign up no idea how it got in my [TS]

00:11:45   school and I did put it into his at [TS]

00:11:48   terrains [TS]

00:11:49   it adds the Missal aspect does it make [TS]

00:11:53   you sad I ran say no when it comes out [TS]

00:11:54   you you know a little bit of salt can be [TS]

00:11:55   nice I like to put a little crystal [TS]

00:11:57   sauce in when it's cooking [TS]

00:11:58   I'm just here I'll tell you once you I [TS]

00:11:59   got it I've actually done an entire [TS]

00:12:01   podcast about this I'm going to keep [TS]

00:12:02   this short but when it's done without [TS]

00:12:04   the boiling point right before you turn [TS]

00:12:06   down the heat on your side arounds [TS]

00:12:07   that's when you throw in a handful and a [TS]

00:12:09   half of cherry tomatoes and even if you [TS]

00:12:11   don't like tomatoes you're gonna [TS]

00:12:12   discover this adds the x-factor you do [TS]

00:12:15   know that it suggests it right on the [TS]

00:12:17   box as a surface tchen all right all [TS]

00:12:19   right okay okay I think I'm feeling it [TS]

00:12:21   I'm feeling it now cuz they get big they [TS]

00:12:23   must down oh they sure do they'll break [TS]

00:12:26   up it's I I think it has the the it's [TS]

00:12:28   one of the rare terrible foods that my [TS]

00:12:31   wife and I both like to have once a week [TS]

00:12:32   okay well here's life hack number 70,000 [TS]

00:12:35   hmm throw a couple of tilapias tilapia [TS]

00:12:40   in the SATA Rance [TS]

00:12:41   yeah and they just you talking about [TS]

00:12:44   leftovers here [TS]

00:12:45   no I'm saying go into your freezer bag [TS]

00:12:49   yeah and then the tilapia goes in and [TS]

00:12:52   then it gets you know it it becomes it's [TS]

00:12:56   not it doesn't disappear it's not like [TS]

00:12:57   tuna it chunks up and then you've got [TS]

00:13:01   what is almost let's call it a like a [TS]

00:13:07   fish stew or Coast copia call what's [TS]

00:13:12   called cioppino cioppino you know you [TS]

00:13:18   can go in there maybe grab a handful of [TS]

00:13:20   those little throw [TS]

00:13:21   shrimp stew oh and then you put some [TS]

00:13:23   shrimps now you know I've hacked 70 [TS]

00:13:26   thousand and fifty you know you throw [TS]

00:13:27   them in when they're frozen they're [TS]

00:13:28   gonna cook they're gonna cook right up [TS]

00:13:30   and they're not gonna overcook and get [TS]

00:13:31   all rubbery like a like a shrimp will do [TS]

00:13:33   who is the fuckin sophisticate no no you [TS]

00:13:35   are you're you're Johnny cioppino you're [TS]

00:13:38   mister making fish do it other people [TS]

00:13:42   are doing that the you know right now [TS]

00:13:43   how many people right now are making [TS]

00:13:44   fish doing home not many they're out [TS]

00:13:46   there making apps they're making apps or [TS]

00:13:48   they're making stomach and deluxe [TS]

00:13:50   hamburgers you know like super [TS]

00:13:52   hamburgers but I went to a beach party [TS]

00:13:55   yesterday and and the the cook the [TS]

00:14:02   barbecue was making hamburgers with [TS]

00:14:04   chopped onions in the burger scrunched [TS]

00:14:08   in the burger I've done that that's ham [TS]

00:14:10   first you saute the onions first and [TS]

00:14:13   then put Hanes and butter first so [TS]

00:14:15   they're real soft and he kind of small [TS]

00:14:17   enough so your daughter can't see them [TS]

00:14:18   and then they're in the burger and they [TS]

00:14:20   provide flavor without objection flavor [TS]

00:14:23   without objection let me ask you this [TS]

00:14:24   about the burger was it this is a [TS]

00:14:26   leading question so FRA forgive the [TS]

00:14:27   witness for considering this hostel it [TS]

00:14:29   was it a normal sized human burger every [TS]

00:14:32   one of those abominations this [TS]

00:14:33   deliberately made way too big because [TS]

00:14:35   men I would put this burger right in the [TS]

00:14:40   sweet spot between those two sides [TS]

00:14:42   that's a good spot when I walked over to [TS]

00:14:44   the barbecue I was like mmm nice big fat [TS]

00:14:46   burgers but I didn't say ah ya asshole [TS]

00:14:50   and then when it went on the bun it was [TS]

00:14:53   like right this is your girl goatee [TS]

00:14:55   you'll make those burgers whether you [TS]

00:14:56   want to or not you won't even notice [TS]

00:14:58   it'll be like Westworld you get I can't [TS]

00:14:59   see anything [TS]

00:14:59   you're too big you're not impressing [TS]

00:15:01   anybody that burned on the outside there [TS]

00:15:03   on the middle and they're too big to put [TS]

00:15:04   into human mouth yeah no I die I [TS]

00:15:06   wouldn't support that and my friend who [TS]

00:15:08   is throwing this party is not he's not [TS]

00:15:10   that kind of guy although he did [TS]

00:15:12   introduce me to the Yeti bag the Yeti [TS]

00:15:18   bag I know the any microphone I don't [TS]

00:15:19   know the Yeti bag Yeti bag is apparently [TS]

00:15:23   something I was not I've heard about [TS]

00:15:25   this it's very high-end right [TS]

00:15:27   I was zero aware of it yesterday and [TS]

00:15:29   then I became 100% aware of it somebody [TS]

00:15:32   is on a camping trip [TS]

00:15:34   i sat in the tent on my phone looking at [TS]

00:15:35   these for an hour these are so cool well [TS]

00:15:38   so at this beach party it's uh you know [TS]

00:15:41   this is a beach party that's behind a [TS]

00:15:43   door right so so it's not you know it's [TS]

00:15:47   not exactly like it's not the 1% but [TS]

00:15:50   it's not the 99% it's somewhere in the [TS]

00:15:53   10% range to 12% area where where people [TS]

00:16:02   can have a beach that is behind the door [TS]

00:16:05   and my friend told this story about like [TS]

00:16:10   I ordered this yeah i ordered this yeti [TS]

00:16:11   bag online because it was you know like [TS]

00:16:14   $50 cheaper then because they're [TS]

00:16:16   expensive was cheaper than they would be [TS]

00:16:19   elsewhere and i was like that's why you [TS]

00:16:21   get things online and he said but i feel [TS]

00:16:23   like it just came from some like post [TS]

00:16:26   office box in alabama I feel like these [TS]

00:16:28   things got I got heisted from a from a [TS]

00:16:32   Cabela's watch that on the Amazon you [TS]

00:16:34   got to watch because sometimes you'll [TS]

00:16:35   get you get stuff it's you get like a [TS]

00:16:36   used cooler or like a aftermarket eBay [TS]

00:16:39   stock cooler well and so he's I mean [TS]

00:16:42   these were new right but it but [TS]

00:16:44   definitely felt like somebody in the [TS]

00:16:46   middle of nowhere just sending these [TS]

00:16:47   things out mannequins yeah a little [TS]

00:16:50   shenanigan but the thing arrived and my [TS]

00:16:53   friend apparently the trick about a Yeti [TS]

00:16:55   bag is when you zip it you zip it and [TS]

00:16:58   then at the end you have to kind of yank [TS]

00:17:02   it you gotta pop it mm-hmm that locks it [TS]

00:17:05   in it locks it in and once in the flavor [TS]

00:17:07   it locks in the cold I throw some dry [TS]

00:17:10   ice in there and you can be making ice [TS]

00:17:12   cream in this thing just put it in the [TS]

00:17:14   backseat of the car drive over the [TS]

00:17:16   mountains he's made ice cream it's so [TS]

00:17:17   cold in there and he didn't know he my [TS]

00:17:21   friend did not read the instructions [TS]

00:17:22   even though he I think maybe even looked [TS]

00:17:25   at a YouTube video and everybody said [TS]

00:17:27   you gotta yank it there at the end he [TS]

00:17:28   didn't and he said to this guy this [TS]

00:17:32   thing you sent me a defective bag gets [TS]

00:17:33   broken uh-huh and the guy in Alabama [TS]

00:17:36   miraculously are very responsibly sent [TS]

00:17:40   another bag and my friend sent his bag [TS]

00:17:43   back [TS]

00:17:44   the second bag arrived and have the same [TS]

00:17:46   problem than my friend it felt to him [TS]

00:17:49   like the zipper was stuck the zipper was [TS]

00:17:51   it was what it is is this when you look [TS]

00:17:54   at the zipper it looks like it's [TS]

00:17:56   misaligned that's part of the secret [TS]

00:18:00   sauce that's how it works [TS]

00:18:04   so my friend wrote back to a guy in [TS]

00:18:06   Alabama and he was like hey man I'm [TS]

00:18:07   sorry it was my fault I'm a dingaling I [TS]

00:18:09   didn't know how to do this so you know [TS]

00:18:12   I'll cover the shipping for both of [TS]

00:18:13   these things and sorry for the [TS]

00:18:15   inconvenience according to my friend the [TS]

00:18:18   guy in Alabama gave him a little bit of [TS]

00:18:21   what they call a little bit of the [TS]

00:18:23   Alabama razzmatazz uh-huh [TS]

00:18:26   said like oh yeah well what's up big [TS]

00:18:29   smart city guy can't figure out how to [TS]

00:18:31   use zipper dippers are complicated if [TS]

00:18:33   you know gave him some dim sum threw him [TS]

00:18:36   some shade uh-huh my friend was like [TS]

00:18:41   well I'm not gonna be friends with this [TS]

00:18:42   guy anyway so anyway let it ride he says [TS]

00:18:45   couple of weeks later or maybe a month [TS]

00:18:50   later the other yeti bag arrives back at [TS]

00:18:54   his house where the sign on the thing [TS]

00:18:56   says he nobody ever came to the [TS]

00:18:58   post-office box to pick it up return to [TS]

00:18:59   sender oh no so our cigars I called [TS]

00:19:02   ghosting John well who knows what it is [TS]

00:19:05   but Alabama ghosting I think Alabama I [TS]

00:19:08   think it means Alabama went to jail [TS]

00:19:10   oh now and so now my friend has to Yeti [TS]

00:19:14   bags and he rolls into his beach club [TS]

00:19:19   like mr. mr. conspicuous Yeti bag mr. [TS]

00:19:23   mister like parks his Mercedes and right [TS]

00:19:26   in front of the door New York City so [TS]

00:19:30   he's telling this story and then I'm [TS]

00:19:32   looking around the the looking around [TS]

00:19:34   the Country Club [TS]

00:19:35   there's Yeti bags everywhere because [TS]

00:19:37   it's within this tiny little subculture [TS]

00:19:40   of 12% earth that's the bag yeah you [TS]

00:19:44   gotta have and I was like wow wow I fell [TS]

00:19:48   into a micro scene did you get a foam oh [TS]

00:19:52   like a like a Ford yeah and I'm a fear [TS]

00:19:55   of missing out as the Millennials say oh [TS]

00:19:57   you know you should [TS]

00:19:58   did you feel backless no because uh I [TS]

00:20:02   don't ever pack things to take anywhere [TS]

00:20:08   else that I care whether those things [TS]

00:20:10   are hot or cold later episode it's one [TS]

00:20:13   thing you have your Filson bag for [TS]

00:20:16   travel it's another thing to go to a [TS]

00:20:17   cookout where you're gonna lose it as [TS]

00:20:18   easy as you lose your flip-flops [TS]

00:20:20   well that and also like gin general I [TS]

00:20:24   want my I want everything at room [TS]

00:20:27   temperature oh right [TS]

00:20:30   so if I was going to a barbecue and I [TS]

00:20:31   was taking a bunch of Meads I think I [TS]

00:20:33   would assume I was gonna get there in [TS]

00:20:35   time to cook it where it was it didn't [TS]

00:20:37   it wasn't a problem that I just threw [TS]

00:20:39   the meat into the bottom of a grocery [TS]

00:20:40   bag and I know you don't want a super [TS]

00:20:44   cold fresca I don't want a super cold [TS]

00:20:46   fresca I don't drink beer which is the [TS]

00:20:48   number one thing that people are like [TS]

00:20:50   wow you got to keep it cold and I'm if [TS]

00:20:53   I'm going somewhere and it's not like I [TS]

00:20:55   take three cokes with me that I want to [TS]

00:20:57   keep anyway I never use a cooler for [TS]

00:21:01   anything and I there's a little while on [TS]

00:21:05   tour where we kept a cooler in the van [TS]

00:21:07   which seemed like a you know a real like [TS]

00:21:10   Vanderslice ething to do like uh we're [TS]

00:21:12   really living it deluxe a little bit [TS]

00:21:16   deluxe like now we got cold this is your [TS]

00:21:18   this is your first day you know it's a [TS]

00:21:20   good idea to have something like this in [TS]

00:21:21   your van exactly except when you're on [TS]

00:21:25   tour it's so freakin boring that when [TS]

00:21:28   you when you are thirsty pull over [TS]

00:21:31   because you just want a chance to go [TS]

00:21:33   into the truck stop and look at all the [TS]

00:21:35   commemorative spoons uh-huh even for the [TS]

00:21:39   five minutes that it takes to like fill [TS]

00:21:41   up the gas and get a pop like the idea [TS]

00:21:44   that you're gonna put this cooler in [TS]

00:21:46   there and just like you're on a camping [TS]

00:21:48   trip I don't know it's not my is it we [TS]

00:21:51   ended up not using it that much mm-hmm [TS]

00:21:53   so I mean you know a cooler is [TS]

00:21:57   ultimately a cooler it does a it does [TS]

00:22:00   something for you but it also becomes a [TS]

00:22:01   job where like you now you've got to [TS]

00:22:04   keep ice in there and then the first [TS]

00:22:05   time somebody doesn't feel like putting [TS]

00:22:06   ice in there now you just you don't [TS]

00:22:07   really have a cooler anymore [TS]

00:22:09   and if you notice this now I am somebody [TS]

00:22:11   who likes a cold beverage if I'm at a [TS]

00:22:13   hotel I'll put a ton of ice into the [TS]

00:22:16   drink I think there's new I think [TS]

00:22:17   they're using new technologies to make [TS]

00:22:18   ice melt faster I'm pretty sure I think [TS]

00:22:21   a lot of the ice you see nowadays [TS]

00:22:22   because it's more easier to manage water [TS]

00:22:24   the liquid than a solid but that's the [TS]

00:22:28   thing that's the thing with a cooler a [TS]

00:22:29   cooler is a job and if nobody's really [TS]

00:22:31   that into it there's not gonna be [TS]

00:22:32   anybody who becomes the coolers are well [TS]

00:22:34   this is why I this is why I stopped [TS]

00:22:36   buying records at some point in the late [TS]

00:22:40   80s because if you're buying records [TS]

00:22:43   then you got to maintain a stereo and if [TS]

00:22:44   you're maintaining a stereo then you got [TS]

00:22:46   to maintain an address and even if [TS]

00:22:49   you're even if you have a Walkman and [TS]

00:22:51   are listening to tapes you gotta have [TS]

00:22:52   batteries and for that basically you [TS]

00:22:55   might as well have an address if you're [TS]

00:22:56   buying batteries yeah and so I stopped [TS]

00:22:59   buying new music I stopped listening to [TS]

00:23:01   music on the Reg because it it suggested [TS]

00:23:04   this whole I mean you had to have a [TS]

00:23:06   lifestyle he had to have a lifestyle [TS]

00:23:07   that I couldn't maintain that's a really [TS]

00:23:09   good point and it seems like and then I [TS]

00:23:11   never regained the habit of buying music [TS]

00:23:13   because by the time I had gotten all the [TS]

00:23:15   way back to a place where it's like now [TS]

00:23:17   I've got a lifestyle I was in my early [TS]

00:23:21   40s right it was too late music [TS]

00:23:24   alternating the creation of music not [TS]

00:23:26   consuming it that's right [TS]

00:23:27   it's job and so it cooler feels like the [TS]

00:23:31   same thing you got to keep the you got [TS]

00:23:32   have to keep the cooler cooler the [TS]

00:23:35   cooler coolant in the freezer freezin [TS]

00:23:38   it's in the freezer freezing to be the [TS]

00:23:41   cooler cooler huh and then you got to [TS]

00:23:44   store the cooler pushing that stuff you [TS]

00:23:46   need a place to put your stuff between [TS]

00:23:53   the football and baseball every day [TS]

00:24:08   somebody's more news who's never heard [TS]

00:24:09   George Carlin their whole childhood I [TS]

00:24:11   know I know something our late great [TS]

00:24:14   friend Leslie Harpold used to say this [TS]

00:24:15   and I say this every month or so just to [TS]

00:24:17   me one of the ways I can help keep her [TS]

00:24:18   memory alive she says I hate buying toys [TS]

00:24:21   for my toys [TS]

00:24:22   this gets into the John Roderick problem [TS]

00:24:24   this gets into John Roderick's ├«le [TS]

00:24:25   problem is like this one thing to get [TS]

00:24:27   stuff and then it's another thing to get [TS]

00:24:28   a job for the stuff now you're taking [TS]

00:24:31   care of like a Tamagotchi right and like [TS]

00:24:33   now you need stuff for your stuff you [TS]

00:24:34   got to have dongles for your computer [TS]

00:24:36   you got to get subscriptions for your [TS]

00:24:37   computer you need a case for your [TS]

00:24:39   computer yep the first time I went to [TS]

00:24:42   get a case for my phone I felt like I [TS]

00:24:44   had really been fucking duped uh-huh [TS]

00:24:47   because I walked into the store and I [TS]

00:24:49   was like yeah I need a case for this and [TS]

00:24:51   they were like behold and and then you [TS]

00:24:55   know there was some wizard smoke and [TS]

00:24:57   then there's I think we might have a [TS]

00:24:58   couple here let's go look these things [TS]

00:25:02   and I'm like huh [TS]

00:25:03   I don't care about any of this I don't [TS]

00:25:04   want it to look like a block of wood I [TS]

00:25:06   don't want it to have a Pokemon on it I [TS]

00:25:08   just want a fucking case for and they [TS]

00:25:10   were like here's a nice case [TS]

00:25:11   seventy-five dollars or whatever it was [TS]

00:25:13   yeah and I said you're kidding me [TS]

00:25:18   first of all make the phone so it [TS]

00:25:20   doesn't need a case but second of all [TS]

00:25:21   why don't why don't they make the whole [TS]

00:25:23   plane out of black box all right so [TS]

00:25:37   anyway I do not want a Yeti bag oh I [TS]

00:25:40   don't have any use for it you can offer [TS]

00:25:42   on the extra bag you didn't say hey [TS]

00:25:44   here's 20 bucks let me take that off [TS]

00:25:45   your hands hmm one I have too many bags [TS]

00:25:47   and two come on this is a country clap [TS]

00:25:49   well I could people keep telling me this [TS]

00:25:52   people tell you that but don't [TS]

00:25:54   eternalize that well you know people [TS]

00:25:56   tell me I have too many like like the [TS]

00:25:58   drum major jackets these people say a [TS]

00:26:02   lot of things John OB there are MIDI [TS]

00:26:04   drum major jackets I don't a fraction I [TS]

00:26:06   will not hear this a bags are a good [TS]

00:26:08   thing I organized many of my bags just [TS]

00:26:10   this morning and it was a great feeling [TS]

00:26:12   yeah I definitely now have a big bag [TS]

00:26:16   full of little bags oh you know we yeah [TS]

00:26:19   that's what I did I can't buzz though [TS]

00:26:20   out of town and I I took all of my [TS]

00:26:22   packing cubes and I nested them not in [TS]

00:26:24   super nested them I've folded them [TS]

00:26:26   nicely zip them up and I put them all [TS]

00:26:28   inside of the very large cube and now [TS]

00:26:31   they're only going place my big problem [TS]

00:26:35   right now is the 20 [TS]

00:26:36   two pairs of Levi's problem hmm we've [TS]

00:26:39   discussed it before yeah I but I had the [TS]

00:26:42   22 pairs of Levi's zipped in a big bag [TS]

00:26:44   that was in the back of a closet [TS]

00:26:47   somewhere and I pulled the bag out and I [TS]

00:26:48   was like what's in this big bag unzipped [TS]

00:26:51   it oh it's the 22 pairs of Levi's so I [TS]

00:26:53   pulled him out again and I went through [TS]

00:26:56   them again there's still 22 pairs of [TS]

00:26:58   Levi's about I would say about 12 of [TS]

00:27:01   them are made in the USA like oh oh it's [TS]

00:27:04   not hom meheeco no proper like 19 mid [TS]

00:27:09   90s Levi's that I'm sure somebody [TS]

00:27:12   millions are proudly in the Mission [TS]

00:27:14   District one would guess yep yep except [TS]

00:27:17   every single one of them [TS]

00:27:19   I have blown out the crotch the rest of [TS]

00:27:21   the pants are fine it's a gift and a [TS]

00:27:23   curse I do the same thing yep the first [TS]

00:27:25   it came for the Space Pen and I said [TS]

00:27:27   nothing and they came for the iPhone I [TS]

00:27:28   said this is this isn't a thing where [TS]

00:27:31   it's like oh it's got a rip in the knee [TS]

00:27:32   this is blown out crotch yeah - eager [TS]

00:27:37   that you get a blown out crotch of like [TS]

00:27:39   a half inch to two inches and then you [TS]

00:27:40   get like a thread comb-over on the edges [TS]

00:27:43   yep and it's the hardest part of the [TS]

00:27:46   gene to repair I mean I I learned to use [TS]

00:27:49   a sewing machine just so I could repair [TS]

00:27:51   my jeans but to get in there and repair [TS]

00:27:53   the Crouch is really hard that's a tough [TS]

00:27:55   place that's like heart surgery for [TS]

00:27:56   pants yeah and then you're like well [TS]

00:27:58   I'll take it down to the seamstress [TS]

00:27:59   person the seamstress person is gonna [TS]

00:28:02   charge you $15 to do a repair or more so [TS]

00:28:06   then you're looking at 22 pairs of [TS]

00:28:07   Levi's each one is gonna cost you $15 to [TS]

00:28:09   fix to have now a beat-up pair of Levi's [TS]

00:28:14   that decide here's my algorithm if it [TS]

00:28:17   takes me a calculator to figure out how [TS]

00:28:18   to fix the crotch in 22 pairs of pants [TS]

00:28:20   is too much money okay so yes but I but [TS]

00:28:24   I'm but I'm back to the problem of [TS]

00:28:25   laying out these pants on the bathroom [TS]

00:28:27   floor and it seems like value the thing [TS]

00:28:33   seems to have value it's got a valence [TS]

00:28:35   the amount surely and also the [TS]

00:28:38   american-ness and also these are an old [TS]

00:28:41   and the he gay men's oh right there's so [TS]

00:28:45   much he gay in that bathroom you can [TS]

00:28:46   barely get in there you're pushing the [TS]

00:28:48   door and it's like the he gays pushing [TS]

00:28:50   back [TS]

00:28:50   full of striations and so it appears to [TS]

00:28:53   be it appears to have value mm-hmm and [TS]

00:28:57   so I'm very confused by them walking [TS]

00:29:00   around the house I've got I'm you know [TS]

00:29:01   I've got a palm on them on my forehead [TS]

00:29:03   going like what am I do go I can do [TS]

00:29:05   these things are like they're dragging [TS]

00:29:07   me can I can i repurpose might a lot be [TS]

00:29:11   a hack for this solution that's gonna [TS]

00:29:13   sound really obvious but I'm gonna toss [TS]

00:29:15   this out you know it's kind of the [TS]

00:29:16   opposite of making rice like that your [TS]

00:29:18   cat says you're not making grains of [TS]

00:29:20   rice you're making a rice it's the [TS]

00:29:21   opposite of that you get away from the [TS]

00:29:23   22 and here's what you need to do you [TS]

00:29:24   need to go into a very large area of [TS]

00:29:26   your house and without prejudice lay all [TS]

00:29:27   of the pants down and then you need you [TS]

00:29:30   need to do like you did with your [TS]

00:29:31   passport you need to just listen just [TS]

00:29:33   listen because one of those pairs you're [TS]

00:29:35   gonna this is gonna take you five [TS]

00:29:36   minutes to get out of that mindset [TS]

00:29:37   you're in right now [TS]

00:29:38   five minutes later you're gonna hear hey [TS]

00:29:41   buddy [TS]

00:29:41   one of those pairs will speak to you and [TS]

00:29:44   you will know which crushed them and oh [TS]

00:29:48   one one pair one pair that's all you [TS]

00:29:50   need [TS]

00:29:50   here's how you say it you say to them [TS]

00:29:51   all with your with your mind bullets you [TS]

00:29:53   just say hi everybody [TS]

00:29:55   I know it's been a while you're all here [TS]

00:29:57   I'm glad we're all here together [TS]

00:29:59   first of all I just want to say none of [TS]

00:30:01   you need to be worried about this right [TS]

00:30:03   cousin all hands pants meaning none of [TS]

00:30:05   you guys need to worry but here's the [TS]

00:30:06   thing I'm just gonna stand here for five [TS]

00:30:08   minutes I'm gonna stand here I'm gonna [TS]

00:30:09   sit with this and I want one of you to [TS]

00:30:11   whisper with whom do I begin hey buddy [TS]

00:30:16   don't you think well I bet you want [TS]

00:30:18   speaks to you all right [TS]

00:30:19   you might do it your head is there one [TS]

00:30:21   pair that you remember who's he gave you [TS]

00:30:23   remember creating in the 90s that's [TS]

00:30:24   really speaking to you yeah all right [TS]

00:30:26   okay all right I'll look at I'll look [TS]

00:30:28   into this yeah I you know that doesn't [TS]

00:30:30   make sense from a like intellectual [TS]

00:30:31   standpoint I think it obviously [TS]

00:30:33   emotionally it makes sense but I think [TS]

00:30:34   it's very rational we can talk it is [TS]

00:30:37   very rational but it is the opposite of [TS]

00:30:39   make all the bacon right fix all the [TS]

00:30:41   Levi's this is the exception that proves [TS]

00:30:43   the pants I guess so all right okay I'll [TS]

00:30:46   give that a try I mean I have been [TS]

00:30:48   fielding I've been feeling like the 22 [TS]

00:30:50   pairs of Levi's is like a vest of geld [TS]

00:30:53   and somebody threw me over the book over [TS]

00:30:55   this side of the boat and it's like so [TS]

00:30:57   it's like Esther and heavy armor yeah [TS]

00:31:01   yeah it's it's it's it's a parable it's [TS]

00:31:03   parabolic [TS]

00:31:04   oh you know para we could smell a [TS]

00:31:06   parable coming down the road fucking [TS]

00:31:08   hate parables I hate parables because [TS]

00:31:10   first I realize that they're there and [TS]

00:31:12   it makes me mad and then I realize how [TS]

00:31:13   appropriate they are and it makes me [TS]

00:31:15   super funny and I realize that you're [TS]

00:31:16   right in the center of the parable you [TS]

00:31:18   you look around you can't tell who's the [TS]

00:31:19   parable because it's you know and the [TS]

00:31:21   parable just makes this noise hmm yeah I [TS]

00:31:24   know I know [TS]

00:31:24   he's like shit Here I am I'm sinking in [TS]

00:31:26   the river because I because I think that [TS]

00:31:27   my vest of geld is worth more than my [TS]

00:31:30   own life yep it's like it's like a Bible [TS]

00:31:33   parable oh it's absolutely this is like [TS]

00:31:35   something right out of Luke well you're [TS]

00:31:39   right but I think this is a philosophy [TS]

00:31:43   program so I mean I think you could you [TS]

00:31:45   can say yes make all the noodles yes [TS]

00:31:48   make all the bacon yes make all the [TS]

00:31:50   coffee but I feel like there must be a [TS]

00:31:52   corollary to that which is for example [TS]

00:31:54   let's make this a little bit Talmudic [TS]

00:31:56   forgive my French you go to the store [TS]

00:31:59   you can't buy every kind of coffee you [TS]

00:32:01   got to start somewhere and you got to [TS]

00:32:03   say to yourself you know I'm gonna buy [TS]

00:32:04   this coffee and if it doesn't work out [TS]

00:32:05   I'll try a different one it doesn't mean [TS]

00:32:07   I don't shop anymore it doesn't mean I'm [TS]

00:32:09   not gonna drink coffee anymore so I mean [TS]

00:32:15   but right there we there's there's a [TS]

00:32:17   there's a big difference I think this is [TS]

00:32:19   it this is another problem this is like [TS]

00:32:21   another part of the no Yeti bank problem [TS]

00:32:23   for me which is that if I go to the [TS]

00:32:27   store and buy coffee it is not with any [TS]

00:32:30   awareness or intention of quotes trying [TS]

00:32:37   this coffee to see if I like it [TS]

00:32:41   and to maintain an awareness that that's [TS]

00:32:44   what I'm doing long enough to make it to [TS]

00:32:47   the store the next time to either buy [TS]

00:32:50   the same stuff again having tried it and [TS]

00:32:53   like it or buy a different kind having [TS]

00:32:56   tried it and not liked it because wow [TS]

00:32:58   that's super interesting to me yeah [TS]

00:33:01   every time I go to the store it is like [TS]

00:33:02   I've never seen coffee before yeah I buy [TS]

00:33:04   it based on whatever imaginary criteria [TS]

00:33:07   are flying through my head at the like [TS]

00:33:11   five minutes before the grocery store [TS]

00:33:12   closes which is whenever I'm in there [TS]

00:33:14   and I'm like ah let's see [TS]

00:33:16   and I do a [TS]

00:33:17   do some kind of accounting based on is [TS]

00:33:19   there one on sale does that one seem [TS]

00:33:22   like it's on sale because it's cheap [TS]

00:33:24   coffee and I don't want it like it's [TS]

00:33:26   gotta be within the fancy enough for me [TS]

00:33:31   window right I'm a fancy guy I've got it [TS]

00:33:34   the coffee's gotta be feeling there's a [TS]

00:33:36   fancy not for me window is very familiar [TS]

00:33:38   to me I know exactly what you mean yeah [TS]

00:33:39   I'm not gonna just get Seattle's Best [TS]

00:33:41   Coffee I'm routing algorithm we're on [TS]

00:33:43   the one hand I mean this is this is [TS]

00:33:44   probably a stupid perception error but [TS]

00:33:46   on the way and you go this that's really [TS]

00:33:48   cheap there's probably pretty good [TS]

00:33:49   chance I won't like that on the other [TS]

00:33:50   end you go oh my god that's way too much [TS]

00:33:52   money I would never pay that and so that [TS]

00:33:54   naturally narrows you to that 80% in [TS]

00:33:56   between sure the fancy enough window and [TS]

00:33:59   then you fall for the thing where it's [TS]

00:34:00   like well this this brand has got like [TS]

00:34:03   like six feet of shelf space but over [TS]

00:34:06   here there's just two little bags of [TS]

00:34:09   something called San Francisco coffee [TS]

00:34:11   company more or the you know like the [TS]

00:34:16   Tillamook Valley coffee roastery and you [TS]

00:34:20   go that's gotta be artisanal or at least [TS]

00:34:23   special yeah it's special enough to be a [TS]

00:34:26   small group you know it's not a red can [TS]

00:34:27   of Folgers right or you know you're not [TS]

00:34:30   buying some illy in a in a silver can [TS]

00:34:34   just because the cans can is awesome [TS]

00:34:36   because because that's what you drink in [TS]

00:34:38   Europe and Europe and you're like not my [TS]

00:34:41   Paris wait a minute not my Paris no you [TS]

00:34:44   you're thinking to yourself I'm somebody [TS]

00:34:46   I'm somebody special that's got fancy [TS]

00:34:48   coffee in my you know European coffee I [TS]

00:34:50   don't even know if it's really as far as [TS]

00:34:52   like how much I enjoy drinking it it's [TS]

00:34:53   fine I would put it along the lines of [TS]

00:34:56   fancy enough a hotel room coffee or [TS]

00:35:00   coffee it's fine it's fine [TS]

00:35:02   I mean in Europe I feel like I've I've [TS]

00:35:04   had le coffee out of a vending machine [TS]

00:35:06   like I don't think it's fancy it's just [TS]

00:35:10   kind of great can but so I go into the [TS]

00:35:12   grocery store each time like a newborn [TS]

00:35:14   babe and I couldn't tell you the coffee [TS]

00:35:19   that's on the counter in my kitchen that [TS]

00:35:22   I'd wear I just left the house five [TS]

00:35:24   minutes ago [TS]

00:35:25   fascinating to me so I make no decision [TS]

00:35:28   ever based on like Zacha rains I know I [TS]

00:35:32   like and I don't need to go and look at [TS]

00:35:34   all the boxed rice dinners because I did [TS]

00:35:36   find a thing where it's like that's [TS]

00:35:38   great I'm gonna buy that [TS]

00:35:40   so that arraigned is an unusual example [TS]

00:35:41   of it's definitely certainly in the [TS]

00:35:43   fancy enough window but like it's also [TS]

00:35:45   that like I've had other brands of that [TS]

00:35:47   and they're not as good as this and if [TS]

00:35:49   you can drive all that and just put it [TS]

00:35:50   in the cart boom talk about rice-a-roni [TS]

00:35:52   oh you know i used to treat it is it is [TS]

00:35:56   I used to like Hamburger Helper [TS]

00:35:57   sometimes that could that can be good [TS]

00:36:00   but my contra concern here and this just [TS]

00:36:05   shows you how broken inside I am it's [TS]

00:36:07   like I just worry about missing okay so [TS]

00:36:12   here's what I hate what I hate is when I [TS]

00:36:13   get something and I bring it home and I [TS]

00:36:14   go oh crap you know oh because of the [TS]

00:36:18   way this branding and packaging works I [TS]

00:36:21   mistook this for something else so [TS]

00:36:24   classic example fat-free half-and-half [TS]

00:36:26   no no why is that even in a store and [TS]

00:36:29   what is it least so much like regular [TS]

00:36:31   half it's like making a toy that's like [TS]

00:36:32   I haven't a toy gun right next to a real [TS]

00:36:34   gun and going help yourself yeah it's [TS]

00:36:36   it's so bad and so I but I you know and [TS]

00:36:39   I've learned my lesson I've learnt it [TS]

00:36:40   like here's the thing [TS]

00:36:41   stop and look at it cuz here's what [TS]

00:36:43   would happen what if I do that twice in [TS]

00:36:45   a row what if I actually go to the store [TS]

00:36:47   I accidentally buy fat-free half and I [TS]

00:36:49   bring it home I go yeah I go back to the [TS]

00:36:50   store I pick up something oh guess what [TS]

00:36:52   I just bought fat-free half-and-half [TS]

00:36:53   again because it was nothing tension [TS]

00:36:55   that's going through my head is like [TS]

00:36:57   what if I keep accidentally buying like [TS]

00:36:59   a wrong thing and there's too much [TS]

00:37:01   latency between the purchase and the [TS]

00:37:03   attempted consumptions together that's [TS]

00:37:06   just me that's just me yeah I'm admiring [TS]

00:37:07   you I'm admiring you at this point you [TS]

00:37:09   care so much about the things in your [TS]

00:37:10   home you're 22 pairs of Levi's you can [TS]

00:37:12   walk into a store with Zen Zen mind [TS]

00:37:14   beginner's mind just give me some coffee [TS]

00:37:16   every time and I do it with bread too I [TS]

00:37:18   walk in you know there's a eight [TS]

00:37:20   thousand kinds of bread and every time I [TS]

00:37:23   swear to you every time I stand there [TS]

00:37:25   and I say well twenty two seed bread has [TS]

00:37:28   22 seeds that's you know that's like 13 [TS]

00:37:31   more seeds than not the same for every [TS]

00:37:33   pair of Levi's but wait a minute what if [TS]

00:37:36   the what if 22 is too many kinds of [TS]

00:37:38   seeds and what you real [TS]

00:37:39   just water the basic nine seeds and [TS]

00:37:42   what's this you know squirrely bread I [TS]

00:37:43   feel like I've had that before bad if [TS]

00:37:45   you stand there and do that and you [TS]

00:37:47   actually think about it for more than [TS]

00:37:49   about 90 seconds in my case I feel [TS]

00:37:51   absolutely insane and all I all looks [TS]

00:37:54   the same and different and I feel like [TS]

00:37:56   I'm tripping this is but their potato [TS]

00:38:03   buns and but no wait a minute that why'd [TS]

00:38:05   you put the potato hamburger buns next [TS]

00:38:07   to the hot [TS]

00:38:08   what taxonomy is happening here was [TS]

00:38:10   there twenty two seeds in this bread [TS]

00:38:11   well and I feel like each time that I do [TS]

00:38:13   this and then I arrest that tendency I'm [TS]

00:38:18   at the top of the log ride at Disneyland [TS]

00:38:21   I'm about to get on and go down the log [TS]

00:38:23   ride and then I say you know what pick [TS]

00:38:26   one and then I reach and I pick one of [TS]

00:38:30   the numbers of seeds or one of the [TS]

00:38:32   numbers of other components in a in a [TS]

00:38:35   thing nuts nuts Aziz okay go and I so I [TS]

00:38:43   feel like I have conquered every time I [TS]

00:38:57   do that calculation I do feel like if I [TS]

00:39:01   go in by rote and pick the thing that I [TS]

00:39:04   always get mm-hmm then I'm also I'm [TS]

00:39:08   potentially making a grave error in [TS]

00:39:11   missing missing the missing something in [TS]

00:39:14   the variety and so I make that you know [TS]

00:39:17   I I do that calculation each time right [TS]

00:39:20   and I'm and I feel somewhat confidence [TS]

00:39:22   that I got the most suitable thing at [TS]

00:39:24   that moment for me in this John you're a [TS]

00:39:27   traveler you're a seeker yeah I mean you [TS]

00:39:30   still you're traveling in a grocery [TS]

00:39:31   store you're walking through Europe [TS]

00:39:33   except it's a it's a safe way well so we [TS]

00:39:35   go to the same Mexican restaurant for a [TS]

00:39:37   family dinner periodically and everybody [TS]

00:39:40   at the table gets the same thing over oh [TS]

00:39:42   right that the three ladies get shrimp [TS]

00:39:44   tostadas a thing I love Mike okay man [TS]

00:39:48   shrimp toast on I don't even know what [TS]

00:39:50   the I don't I honestly don't know what [TS]

00:39:51   that is [TS]

00:39:52   I've gotten one because this is my thing [TS]

00:39:56   at the Mexican restaurant el farol mmm I [TS]

00:40:00   go in and the waiter knows us he sees a [TS]

00:40:02   good he's good man good friend and he [TS]

00:40:06   knows that he's gonna get out three [TS]

00:40:07   shrimp tostadas one cheese enchilada her [TS]

00:40:12   chichi bean and cheese burrito [TS]

00:40:14   quesadilla with no cheese for the child [TS]

00:40:16   please oh and she's adamant like no rice [TS]

00:40:20   double beans all right whatever you know [TS]

00:40:24   he'd take it you take it as it comes but [TS]

00:40:25   then he knows that I'm gonna pick a [TS]

00:40:27   different thing off the Michigan ah the [TS]

00:40:29   the the pot beans or refried what'd she [TS]

00:40:32   get she wants whatever beans he got [TS]

00:40:34   black beans she is mine black bean [TS]

00:40:36   doesn't mind it likes it she does not [TS]

00:40:38   want any kind of rice no matter what [TS]

00:40:40   interests and I'm like it's an a you [TS]

00:40:42   know how do you not like rice doesn't [TS]

00:40:45   like potatoes don't even put them on my [TS]

00:40:46   plate [TS]

00:40:47   don't put them on the table she doesn't [TS]

00:40:48   want potatoes either god bless her but [TS]

00:40:50   she's just extended that didn't fall far [TS]

00:40:53   from the tree [TS]

00:40:55   well they have the potato tree that's [TS]

00:40:57   another place that you have to look for [TS]

00:41:09   the potato tree yeah that's where the [TS]

00:41:10   wild things are [TS]

00:41:13   well you when you go to a restaurant [TS]

00:41:15   John Roderick it seems to me you do go [TS]

00:41:16   out of your way to to the extent [TS]

00:41:18   possible unless it's part of the [TS]

00:41:20   tradition of the place like when we [TS]

00:41:21   would write a dim sum place our IP we [TS]

00:41:23   would always get the same thing because [TS]

00:41:24   that was part of our thing that we did [TS]

00:41:25   but you you go to the same restaurant [TS]

00:41:27   you get you deliberately you search [TS]

00:41:29   through your mind you want something [TS]

00:41:30   different every time and I will get [TS]

00:41:33   things that I don't that I am almost [TS]

00:41:35   certain I don't like right like I am NOT [TS]

00:41:38   a big fan of a mole a sauce let's just [TS]

00:41:40   be honest you know I've been to Oaxaca [TS]

00:41:42   I've had the mole a I've been to the [TS]

00:41:44   where the mole a comes out of the ground [TS]

00:41:46   in Springs is that right mo sighs yeah [TS]

00:41:49   and I had the mole a Springs the famous [TS]

00:41:51   male Springs of Oaxaca [TS]

00:41:52   Wacka Wacka but I do not want it because [TS]

00:41:56   leave it you know don't get your [TS]

00:41:59   chocolate in my peanut butter I don't [TS]

00:42:00   understand the whole male phenomenon [TS]

00:42:02   so I don't want that but always like the [TS]

00:42:05   wine of Mexican food it's like something [TS]

00:42:07   you get to be real pissy about because [TS]

00:42:08   you know stuff and you go way beyond the [TS]

00:42:10   fancy enough window fuck that fuck that [TS]

00:42:11   is that right do you know people that [TS]

00:42:13   are fancy about mold way people are [TS]

00:42:15   fancy about everything John it's it's [TS]

00:42:17   they know they know they can capitalize [TS]

00:42:18   on how little somebody cares about [TS]

00:42:20   something obscure that they can become [TS]

00:42:22   an expert about nigga well actually how [TS]

00:42:25   it's found in their shade of that potato [TS]

00:42:27   tree I mean yesterday I went to a beach [TS]

00:42:30   that was behind a door I got I got a no [TS]

00:42:35   is this anybody I know well so I have a [TS]

00:42:38   good palate if somebody you know I have [TS]

00:42:40   a good pal who's in there he's in the [TS]

00:42:42   business let's call it season he's in [TS]

00:42:44   the business where this house I insulted [TS]

00:42:45   it's not him is it no no no some drinks [TS]

00:42:48   at night no that is that was 120 percent [TS]

00:42:52   justifies that's when you spent on the [TS]

00:42:54   streetcar and and Ben took us to meet MC [TS]

00:42:56   Hammer wasn't it I spin on a streetcar [TS]

00:42:59   and I tweeted about it and then the San [TS]

00:43:00   Francisco streetcar Twitter account was [TS]

00:43:06   so bad right and and and that Twitter [TS]

00:43:10   account and I still communicate with [TS]

00:43:11   each other at least did before I got on [TS]

00:43:12   I would let you work things out okay so [TS]

00:43:14   somebody who's in the business who has a [TS]

00:43:16   bitch behind a door and she's not our [TS]

00:43:18   business this is not he's not a business [TS]

00:43:20   of show no he's not in your business he [TS]

00:43:22   is in our business oh and it's a kind of [TS]

00:43:26   business that is show business adjacent [TS]

00:43:30   let's let's call it this it's a creative [TS]

00:43:33   he used the home of a creative so this [TS]

00:43:37   friend of mine is a creative and he is a [TS]

00:43:40   creative in the sense in in a way in [TS]

00:43:43   which there are instances where he would [TS]

00:43:45   actually describe himself as a creative [TS]

00:43:47   in a room where he would never break [TS]

00:43:49   character and and everybody in there [TS]

00:43:51   would nod because yes we that's how we [TS]

00:43:53   talk but he also could be in a place [TS]

00:43:56   with me and know not to say not to use [TS]

00:43:59   the word creative that way but he's not [TS]

00:44:01   one of those people that's living a [TS]

00:44:02   double life he is himself everywhere he [TS]

00:44:04   goes self everywhere that he goes he's [TS]

00:44:08   himself everywhere he goes he's not a [TS]

00:44:09   guy that's like sometimes uses the word [TS]

00:44:11   creative and then when he's with his [TS]

00:44:13   friends he rolls his eyes at the words [TS]

00:44:14   they say is not in our [TS]

00:44:16   management he no he's not a faker mm-hmm [TS]

00:44:18   it's just that he understands he's smart [TS]

00:44:20   enough to know when you're with a group [TS]

00:44:22   of people that are don't talk that way [TS]

00:44:24   you don't talk that way right [TS]

00:44:26   that's smart if that's what you know [TS]

00:44:27   that's good for most careers and not all [TS]

00:44:29   of us take up that mantle that's that's [TS]

00:44:30   a good way to roll sure sure right you [TS]

00:44:33   don't you don't open the kimono in a [TS]

00:44:34   room where nobody's wearing a kimono [TS]

00:44:36   mm-hmm full of kimonos that's a very [TS]

00:44:39   awkward thing to ask of people sure [TS]

00:44:40   don't do that either but if you're in a [TS]

00:44:42   room and there's a there and you're [TS]

00:44:43   talking to some VC people and it's a and [TS]

00:44:46   it's a deep dive or a drill down yeah [TS]

00:44:48   it's a scene from the movie Facebook dot [TS]

00:44:51   or Facebook yeah that's a very good [TS]

00:44:54   movie yeah right David David filter [TS]

00:44:56   that's web 2.0 but what what we have [TS]

00:45:03   here is a failure to communicate any man [TS]

00:45:05   doesn't put a spoon back so anyway so he [TS]

00:45:09   is a member this is the thing he's in [TS]

00:45:12   business yeah he's in the business [TS]

00:45:14   he's are creative and he feels like [TS]

00:45:18   because of his position as a as a member [TS]

00:45:20   of the creative class who is also a [TS]

00:45:24   member of the business class that he [TS]

00:45:26   needs to be a member of a lot of things [TS]

00:45:29   because because networking yeah right [TS]

00:45:33   it's like hey we got to have a meeting [TS]

00:45:35   with this and he's like oh well why [TS]

00:45:37   don't we go to X thing that I am a [TS]

00:45:40   member of and then the person who's [TS]

00:45:42   doing business with them is like mm-hmm [TS]

00:45:44   this guy's aha this guy's a roller this [TS]

00:45:46   guy's a player [TS]

00:45:47   oh they this this person speaks my [TS]

00:45:49   language sure this is this world that [TS]

00:45:51   I'm always talking about sort of having [TS]

00:45:54   a toe in this from your father you learn [TS]

00:45:57   from your dad you're a member you're a [TS]

00:45:59   member of this you remember that that's [TS]

00:46:01   how when it's time to make a deal make a [TS]

00:46:05   plan it's like Oh or you remember oh I'm [TS]

00:46:08   a member for long enough I'm pretty soon [TS]

00:46:10   generals you're doing a dance about you [TS]

00:46:12   in drag that's right and actually [TS]

00:46:14   frankly now Merlin yeah I have had [TS]

00:46:17   Admirals do a dance about me so oh we [TS]

00:46:20   you know what we should circle back to [TS]

00:46:21   that I want to hear how all that went [TS]

00:46:22   yeah yeah yeah there's a lot of talk I [TS]

00:46:24   hope we didn't do anything to damage the [TS]

00:46:25   relationship of last year's host because [TS]

00:46:27   I was very sad I was like within days [TS]

00:46:29   of us talking about that nice couple [TS]

00:46:31   they announce them we're going to be [TS]

00:46:32   together anymore my good name names but [TS]

00:46:36   the people who had the people who were [TS]

00:46:38   the king last year yeah I hope we didn't [TS]

00:46:49   do that dance for you and this is a [TS]

00:46:54   person who's industry adjacent who knows [TS]

00:46:57   when to use creative kimonos and knows [TS]

00:46:59   when to not yep and who has the social [TS]

00:47:04   lubricant see to know which kind of [TS]

00:47:06   places to take people when deals are to [TS]

00:47:07   be cut in lines that are dotted need to [TS]

00:47:09   be signed that's right and he has leaned [TS]

00:47:11   in right leaning but but he also knows [TS]

00:47:16   mm-hmm [TS]

00:47:17   yeah wall to who hid buy cheese that's [TS]

00:47:20   right right he knows on a Tuesday [TS]

00:47:22   afternoon mm-hmm he knows how to hide [TS]

00:47:24   the cheese he knows where he had the [TS]

00:47:26   Dinos it you gotta remember where you [TS]

00:47:27   put it when you moved it that's right [TS]

00:47:29   and he knows who's cheesie's movement [TS]

00:47:31   that's the book I want to read I move [TS]

00:47:32   your cheese fuck you exactly you wanna [TS]

00:47:35   know where your cheese's yeah you talk [TS]

00:47:37   to me B I'm not telling you where your [TS]

00:47:38   cheese's so he's a member and he has he [TS]

00:47:44   said he's confided in me he's like you [TS]

00:47:46   know this all this membership and it's [TS]

00:47:49   it's fucking breaking the bank [TS]

00:47:50   I don't want to be members of all these [TS]

00:47:52   things it's expensive did you get used a [TS]

00:47:55   lot but it's but it's a business expense [TS]

00:47:58   because I cuz pretty much you gotta be [TS]

00:48:01   members in these things because if [TS]

00:48:02   somebody hires Beyonce to play as [TS]

00:48:05   daughter's 16th birthday party yeah am I [TS]

00:48:07   gonna not be a member of that or am I [TS]

00:48:09   gonna be a member of course I'm gonna [TS]

00:48:10   remember yes so she's very talented she [TS]

00:48:14   is and it's very expensive to hire her [TS]

00:48:16   to do things oh also honest on that [TS]

00:48:17   topic just very briefly him on the on [TS]

00:48:21   the program I do with damn Benjamin I [TS]

00:48:23   don't have a ton of podcasts I'm not [TS]

00:48:25   like some people yeah but I have one [TS]

00:48:28   other one yeah with your good friend Dan [TS]

00:48:30   Benjamin he just shook off road work [TS]

00:48:32   which he can find it 5x5 TV that's right [TS]

00:48:34   any a Dan is a guy that you introduced [TS]

00:48:36   me to yes I said on that program that [TS]

00:48:40   you know I don't like playing shows [TS]

00:48:41   right [TS]

00:48:42   uh very much but if somebody wants to [TS]

00:48:46   pay me to play a show I'm not gonna say [TS]

00:48:49   no right you're not gonna stone right [TS]

00:48:51   and Dan says Oh what does that mean and [TS]

00:48:53   I said well like that's that birthday [TS]

00:48:55   party I played for the Starbucks guy the [TS]

00:48:58   only reason I played the Starbucks guy's [TS]

00:49:00   birthday party I mean he convinced me [TS]

00:49:02   that he was that the long winners were [TS]

00:49:03   his favorite band mm-hmm but he but he [TS]

00:49:06   also he said I want you to play my [TS]

00:49:08   birthday party and I said that's not a [TS]

00:49:09   thing that I will ever do and he said [TS]

00:49:12   how much would it cost to have you do it [TS]

00:49:14   and I so then you're familiar with this [TS]

00:49:16   concept yeah my car I'm already familiar [TS]

00:49:18   with this concept right the fuck you [TS]

00:49:20   money right you say well pay me fuck you [TS]

00:49:22   money [TS]

00:49:23   it's an event event you don't want to do [TS]

00:49:26   for people you're not necessarily that [TS]

00:49:27   attached to you're pretty sure it'll go [TS]

00:49:29   badly it might be disruptive it's any of [TS]

00:49:31   those things the red flags are flying [TS]

00:49:33   everywhere on the field and you go well [TS]

00:49:37   and the thing about you is I remember [TS]

00:49:39   when you started introducing the concept [TS]

00:49:41   of fuck you money and people started [TS]

00:49:42   paying it to you and then you were like [TS]

00:49:43   you know what I'm gonna charge even more [TS]

00:49:45   fuck you money because I don't want to [TS]

00:49:47   do these things and people paid you that [TS]

00:49:49   well I mean it started a pretty small [TS]

00:49:52   level but yeah but pretty you got to up [TS]

00:49:54   to some fucking money and then I then I [TS]

00:49:56   was there I remember the day when you [TS]

00:49:57   were like there is no amount of fucking [TS]

00:49:59   money you could buy me a boat and I [TS]

00:50:02   still won't do this because because [TS]

00:50:04   that's a whole show but you gotta know [TS]

00:50:07   you got to know when I say what you're [TS]

00:50:08   worth I don't I mean partly yeah I mean [TS]

00:50:10   with the market and yeah i partly mean [TS]

00:50:12   like what's what's fair to everybody but [TS]

00:50:13   it's also like the 10,000 things you [TS]

00:50:16   will not be doing when you're doing that [TS]

00:50:17   thing and the maybe 50,000 things you're [TS]

00:50:20   not doing in the run-up to that because [TS]

00:50:21   they can't pay a deposit yeah yeah well [TS]

00:50:25   so anyway immediately after that show [TS]

00:50:28   airs I get an email from from a nice gal [TS]

00:50:31   and she says uh I want you to play my [TS]

00:50:35   eye we heard your podcast I want you to [TS]

00:50:37   play my husband's I want you to play for [TS]

00:50:39   my boyfriend I guess she said Wow [TS]

00:50:41   and I was like I wrote her back and I [TS]

00:50:44   said listen you sound like a nice lady [TS]

00:50:46   yeah but I don't think you were reaiiy [TS]

00:50:47   don't think you heard what I was saying [TS]

00:50:49   there's no way I'm gonna play for your [TS]

00:50:52   husband or your boyfriend because [TS]

00:50:54   there's just it's just [TS]

00:50:56   I you know like I don't want to I don't [TS]

00:50:58   want seriously thank you for writing and [TS]

00:51:01   she wrote back very calm and cool and [TS]

00:51:03   she was like but seriously like how much [TS]

00:51:07   how much mm-hm and so I wrote her back [TS]

00:51:09   and I said look here's the thing [TS]

00:51:11   plumbers make bids musicians consider [TS]

00:51:17   offers oh I see so I'm not gonna bid on [TS]

00:51:21   this thing that you want like a because [TS]

00:51:23   I'm not you know you just moved her [TS]

00:51:26   cheese I just moved the cheese a little [TS]

00:51:28   bit move the cheese because what you [TS]

00:51:30   don't want to do is say uh two hundred [TS]

00:51:32   dollars to somebody who was thinking [TS]

00:51:34   twenty thousand dollars right because [TS]

00:51:36   then they're gonna go oh shit yeah [TS]

00:51:38   moneybags let's start first if you say [TS]

00:51:42   twenty thousand dollars to somebody that [TS]

00:51:43   was thinking $200 huh [TS]

00:51:45   you know really get you yeah there are [TS]

00:51:47   out on now they're on LiveJournal right [TS]

00:51:49   now writing a blog about your about your [TS]

00:51:52   writer anyway so I said you know make it [TS]

00:51:56   bit so she comes back nice gal makes a [TS]

00:52:00   bid and I was like huh that's in the [TS]

00:52:04   ballpark okay I didn't immediately turn [TS]

00:52:06   you off or make ego no it was it wasn't [TS]

00:52:09   it was in the ballpark so I wrote her [TS]

00:52:11   back and said you know throw like three [TS]

00:52:13   five pound bag of M&Ms and and your [TS]

00:52:16   engagement ring and and we got a deal [TS]

00:52:19   and she was like done just like one word [TS]

00:52:22   done mmm [TS]

00:52:23   can I remember and so it was for the [TS]

00:52:27   next day or two days later so I got in [TS]

00:52:29   my car and I drove several hours to this [TS]

00:52:32   place and I show up and I walk into this [TS]

00:52:36   house and none of the people knew I was [TS]

00:52:38   coming except for her well wait a minute [TS]

00:52:41   it was a situation where they were about [TS]

00:52:43   ten or eleven people there they're like [TS]

00:52:47   seven guys and four women and I think if [TS]

00:52:51   I'm correct all the women knew that this [TS]

00:52:53   was happening oh what a nice present yes [TS]

00:52:56   none of isn't and they were longtime [TS]

00:52:58   fans and I sat down in the living room [TS]

00:53:01   and there were two grown-up men that [TS]

00:53:04   were in your in my age range this is [TS]

00:53:06   gonna turn into a key party and then [TS]

00:53:08   - then like three of their sons who were [TS]

00:53:11   between nineteen and you know thirty or [TS]

00:53:14   something huh and everybody knew [TS]

00:53:17   everything right they all knew all the [TS]

00:53:19   songs they all knew all the podcasts oh [TS]

00:53:21   what a dream and I sat down and I was [TS]

00:53:24   like hi nice to meet you and they were [TS]

00:53:25   and you know and the wives were teasing [TS]

00:53:27   them the wives were like they're [TS]

00:53:29   freaking out right now that you can't [TS]

00:53:30   tell but they're freaking out and the [TS]

00:53:31   guys were did not appear to be freaky [TS]

00:53:33   and they were to help yeah they were [TS]

00:53:35   like but there wasn't even that like [TS]

00:53:37   honey [TS]

00:53:37   knock it off they were just like they [TS]

00:53:39   everybody seemed normal super normal [TS]

00:53:42   and also like super great I sat down and [TS]

00:53:46   I was like all right what do you want me [TS]

00:53:47   to play and between them they each [TS]

00:53:51   pitched a few songs all of the songs [TS]

00:53:56   totally great like totally unexpected [TS]

00:53:59   choices and each time I was like alright [TS]

00:54:02   well that was great now what about the [TS]

00:54:03   next song somebody came up with another [TS]

00:54:06   and they weren't trying to be obscure [TS]

00:54:08   they were naming their favorite songs [TS]

00:54:10   and it just so happened that it was a [TS]

00:54:11   completely great weird setlist that I [TS]

00:54:14   never would have otherwise played a [TS]

00:54:15   couple of them I could I had to remember [TS]

00:54:17   how to play as I was playing them played [TS]

00:54:20   played the the set and then the you know [TS]

00:54:24   like chief gal in charge was like [TS]

00:54:27   alright well that's great now we got to [TS]

00:54:28   go because we're meeting some other [TS]

00:54:30   people because there's a wedding this [TS]

00:54:31   weekend and so it wasn't it wasn't [TS]

00:54:33   secretly a hangout opportunity well and [TS]

00:54:36   so that's bad that's bad but she was [TS]

00:54:39   like she was like that was great done [TS]

00:54:40   and done and I said and they were like [TS]

00:54:43   going to dinner at some food truck [TS]

00:54:45   Corral or something I said hey you know [TS]

00:54:47   what I'll join you guys for dinner [TS]

00:54:48   because they said we're good fine and [TS]

00:54:53   it's not like well I mean we went to a [TS]

00:54:54   food truck growl and each got our own [TS]

00:54:56   food and then sat together 1/8 off paper [TS]

00:54:58   plates but but and I brought you know I [TS]

00:55:00   brought some gifts I brought I brought [TS]

00:55:03   her boyfriend a couple of candles things [TS]

00:55:05   I could see you being so good at this [TS]

00:55:07   and and then I was back at my car and I [TS]

00:55:09   was back home by midnight and I was like [TS]

00:55:12   oh that works there just is that you [TS]

00:55:15   know like all I had to do was say that I [TS]

00:55:17   would do it and then somebody basically [TS]

00:55:20   understood that that was a [TS]

00:55:22   dare and said all right sure like this [TS]

00:55:26   would be worth it for me to have you do [TS]

00:55:28   this as a gift to the people that I love [TS]

00:55:30   and did it just she she was just [TS]

00:55:33   nonplussed I mean I I basically wrote [TS]

00:55:36   her a couple of times it was like lady [TS]

00:55:38   like go away and she was like no not [TS]

00:55:42   gonna go away tell me what you tell me [TS]

00:55:43   and I was like ah fine and then by the [TS]

00:55:45   end we were like fine both of us and it [TS]

00:55:48   was super fun it would actually ended up [TS]

00:55:50   being very fun it was nice to meet these [TS]

00:55:52   people I enjoyed their choices [TS]

00:55:55   I brought him to candlesticks Wow two of [TS]

00:56:00   those a week buddy right be nice to [TS]

00:56:02   those a week that's all you need [TS]

00:56:04   well shit to a month I'd be happy hmm so [TS]

00:56:09   anyway that was a very I mean a little [TS]

00:56:11   bit of a digression but not know I [TS]

00:56:12   realize I hope in her for me about like [TS]

00:56:15   right right right there is a there is a [TS]

00:56:17   place out in space an x-point where [TS]

00:56:21   somebody says cuz there are a lot of [TS]

00:56:22   people even people listening to this [TS]

00:56:24   program right now who are like maybe [TS]

00:56:25   he'll come play my birthday party for [TS]

00:56:27   $200 and I will not and it's not a thing [TS]

00:56:30   we're only rich people get good things [TS]

00:56:33   because you can get a Yeti bag for free [TS]

00:56:36   from a guy in Alabama if you just play [TS]

00:56:38   your cards where we come to hodgman's [TS]

00:56:40   corollary which I don't totally buy into [TS]

00:56:41   but I respect for John Hodgman hodgman's [TS]

00:56:43   corollary is that the corollary to I'd [TS]

00:56:46   never hurts to ask [TS]

00:56:47   as you know what is a hodgman's [TS]

00:56:49   corollary oh who says I give you $200 [TS]

00:57:01   yeah that's more money than I would ever [TS]

00:57:02   give for something like this so guess [TS]

00:57:03   what now you're not getting paid you're [TS]

00:57:05   spending that time and guess what now [TS]

00:57:06   you're the asshole yeah yeah well I [TS]

00:57:09   always tell the story about the time [TS]

00:57:10   that I had saved up 500 dollars to give [TS]

00:57:12   you for building the long winters [TS]

00:57:13   website and and I was like Stan I was [TS]

00:57:17   like basically standing there with it in [TS]

00:57:19   an envelope behind my back like I'm [TS]

00:57:20   gonna blow merlyn's mine and give him [TS]

00:57:22   $500 to talk to you about the website [TS]

00:57:27   and you said let me stop you right there [TS]

00:57:30   I built that website because I love you [TS]

00:57:33   and I love your band and if you are [TS]

00:57:35   about [TS]

00:57:35   let's say for instance hand me an [TS]

00:57:37   envelope like let's say for instance [TS]

00:57:38   five hundred dollars in it it would just [TS]

00:57:41   be hard for me and you both not [TS]

00:57:46   discharged is dead so let me just say in [TS]

00:57:50   this instance let me just dissuade you [TS]

00:57:53   if that is even what you're about to [TS]

00:57:55   start talking about five hundred dollars [TS]

00:58:06   and it just went into the so arrogant [TS]

00:58:11   I'm so sorry [TS]

00:58:11   knows it was very instructive work I did [TS]

00:58:16   for you is between twenty-five and fifty [TS]

00:58:17   thousand dollars worth of work and I [TS]

00:58:19   would never ask you to pay for it but [TS]

00:58:21   also yeah you're talking about this [TS]

00:58:24   since the our first public broadcast [TS]

00:58:28   together on my old video show that in [TS]

00:58:30   many ways are our businesses such as [TS]

00:58:32   they are are very similar and one of the [TS]

00:58:34   ways in which they're similar is that [TS]

00:58:35   nobody wants to pay you a because be it [TS]

00:58:38   all seems really easy and fun right like [TS]

00:58:39   oh you really love playing your music [TS]

00:58:41   you get to travel you get to meet people [TS]

00:58:42   you could craft services and you know [TS]

00:58:45   that's that we used to be a real [TS]

00:58:47   struggle for me and so when I would [TS]

00:58:49   throw that particular shape that is on [TS]

00:58:52   the basis of the preceding 15 years of [TS]

00:58:55   going sure I'm just glad you love me $50 [TS]

00:58:58   should be more than enough and what the [TS]

00:59:00   thing is if you do that gosh guess what [TS]

00:59:02   a nice guy what a nice guy he made the [TS]

00:59:04   site for this mall for $50.00 what a [TS]

00:59:06   nice guy the thing is now I mean you [TS]

00:59:10   have turned your life into a living hell [TS]

00:59:11   how many people how many clients like [TS]

00:59:14   that can you afford to have before you [TS]

00:59:15   just simply don't have a life anymore [TS]

00:59:17   well it might know the realization I had [TS]

00:59:20   somewhere along the line which was when [TS]

00:59:21   people said oh all we can afford is this [TS]

00:59:23   we'd love to have you yeah and then you [TS]

00:59:26   write they say that's that's the red [TS]

00:59:28   line this is it as much money there's no [TS]

00:59:31   nickel more more and you write back and [TS]

00:59:33   say the leather the smallest amount I [TS]

00:59:35   could do it for is twice what you're [TS]

00:59:37   offering yeah and they're like okay I [TS]

00:59:39   think we can make it work and you go oh [TS]

00:59:40   I see everyone's a liar I guess I didn't [TS]

00:59:46   know that before I mean I should [TS]

00:59:48   Posey's wrote that song everybody [TS]

00:59:52   fucking sick of getting shortchanged [TS]

00:59:55   yeah they were like shit are you kidding [TS]

00:59:57   me all this time there was twice as much [TS]

00:59:59   money [TS]

00:59:59   money [TS]

01:00:00   let me go ask my manager uh uh asteroids [TS]

01:00:03   yeah so I'm not above saying to somebody [TS]

01:00:07   um would you leave your job and wife and [TS]

01:00:12   daughter to fly across the country for [TS]

01:00:14   three days for this amount ago well of [TS]

01:00:16   course I would I said well then that's [TS]

01:00:17   not smart because if you really thought [TS]

01:00:19   about that that's not such a good deal [TS]

01:00:20   yes you make in a day of your work at [TS]

01:00:23   your job yeah that's right so so anyway [TS]

01:00:27   yeah now I'm now I'm trying to figure [TS]

01:00:29   out like yeah there's uh you know [TS]

01:00:32   anybody you need these they're not a [TS]

01:00:34   sponsor this week but you need a [TS]

01:00:36   Squarespace one-page website John's [TS]

01:00:39   bespoke entertainment services hmm and [TS]

01:00:41   don't don't overdo it you should [TS]

01:00:42   probably have a kid maybe an intern who [TS]

01:00:44   monitors this for you and you just say [TS]

01:00:46   make me an offer [TS]

01:00:47   here's what I'll do I'll come and hang [TS]

01:00:49   out play some songs you know what I'll [TS]

01:00:50   do I'm John Roderick I'm just fuckin [TS]

01:00:52   Roderick yeah but see here's the thing [TS]

01:00:53   right I mean I have a relationship with [TS]

01:00:55   a booking age and I don't want to [TS]

01:00:56   formalize this process because because [TS]

01:00:58   at a certain point he's gonna say are [TS]

01:01:00   you playing house show house shows are [TS]

01:01:02   you bitches on not a thing I'm do I do [TS]

01:01:05   not play out shows here's the thing boy [TS]

01:01:07   you ain't with Dave would that be fun oh [TS]

01:01:08   my gosh [TS]

01:01:09   what it be is it would be we would be [TS]

01:01:11   splitting an amount of money that's [TS]

01:01:12   already too small but the thing is I [TS]

01:01:17   don't play house shows I did not I would [TS]

01:01:20   never come down to a town to play a show [TS]

01:01:23   for your boyfriend no I wouldn't do it [TS]

01:01:26   something I see right in rare instances [TS]

01:01:30   I will do it but it's the rare instance [TS]

01:01:35   it's not a thing that I'm like hey I'm [TS]

01:01:37   putting out my shingle I'm open for [TS]

01:01:39   business here you know I'm I know what I [TS]

01:01:42   would draw the suggestion you're [TS]

01:01:43   absolutely right [TS]

01:01:44   sorry Squarespace no it's all right I'll [TS]

01:01:46   have Squarespace first do something else [TS]

01:01:48   because I got it because right now I've [TS]

01:01:50   got it I've got a lot of assistants I've [TS]

01:01:53   got a lot of assistants that are queuing [TS]

01:01:54   up watch some great some great great [TS]

01:01:57   assistants huh because I put the call [TS]

01:02:00   out for assistance again oh no chime oh [TS]

01:02:04   I don't just I feel like don't have [TS]

01:02:06   anybody move I got I got 22 pairs of [TS]

01:02:10   Levi's are they local then Levi's yeah [TS]

01:02:13   they're in the bathroom floor okay what [TS]

01:02:15   what about the potential assistance [TS]

01:02:16   babies is it gonna be somebody in Wales [TS]

01:02:19   most of them are in other places but [TS]

01:02:22   there's one person that's in Seattle I'm [TS]

01:02:24   like your personal Cassandra I cut out [TS]

01:02:27   all the parts where I warned you about [TS]

01:02:28   things John I cut it all out I cut it [TS]

01:02:30   all out [TS]

01:02:30   I I you know you know the supercut I [TS]

01:02:32   could make up are you really sure you [TS]

01:02:34   want to do that if that goes perfectly [TS]

01:02:36   that assistant come over they're gonna [TS]

01:02:57   say let me take care of these jeans for [TS]

01:02:59   you boss and then they're gonna come [TS]

01:03:00   back all perfectly repaired [TS]

01:03:02   oh my go how did it happen how did you [TS]

01:03:04   do it and they're gonna say they're [TS]

01:03:05   gonna they're gonna like Winkle their [TS]

01:03:07   nose like a little genie yeah and I'm [TS]

01:03:12   gonna go what the Wow I got the best [TS]

01:03:14   assistant ever [TS]

01:03:15   you know you know and it definitely [TS]

01:03:17   won't be what it definitely won't be if [TS]

01:03:18   somebody's not making enough money to [TS]

01:03:20   really put their back into it kind of [TS]

01:03:21   half-asses it and then doesn't doesn't [TS]

01:03:23   really do it right you got to do it [TS]

01:03:24   yourself again that won't happen no [TS]

01:03:28   training program you'll set up some [TS]

01:03:30   desks people come in right well so I did [TS]

01:03:33   do that that didn't work but what's nice [TS]

01:03:35   about so far everybody that has replied [TS]

01:03:38   seems like a very professional person [TS]

01:03:40   with a lot of talents and skills if you [TS]

01:03:42   look at their Facebook pages yeah mostly [TS]

01:03:45   and they all seem like they're all legit [TS]

01:03:48   their jobs you look for complaints about [TS]

01:03:51   old jobs I feel like it's a situation [TS]

01:03:54   where they're like look I can build this [TS]

01:03:55   website for you for $50,000 or for free [TS]

01:03:57   which one do you want yeah I don't know [TS]

01:04:00   I don't know it free I haven't gone I [TS]

01:04:03   haven't gone deeper with anybody yet [TS]

01:04:05   I've gotten the emails I've written them [TS]

01:04:07   bet back I think mostly I wrote [TS]

01:04:08   everybody back and said Wow amazing you [TS]

01:04:11   seem amazing cuz they all did you need a [TS]

01:04:13   dick chaney you need somebody to be the [TS]

01:04:15   assistant who helps you pick out who [TS]

01:04:16   your assistant should be well this is [TS]

01:04:18   the problem the last time that happened [TS]

01:04:19   she picked out herself full Cheney yeah [TS]

01:04:23   she did [TS]

01:04:25   quoting that correctly yeah he said the [TS]

01:04:27   best candidate for vice president is me [TS]

01:04:30   and then he was the starting 60 war that [TS]

01:04:42   is man-sized vault in his office yeah [TS]

01:04:45   incredible incredible that's still an [TS]

01:04:48   incredible story to me that the entire [TS]

01:04:50   Bush administration existed it's doable [TS]

01:04:53   okay now here's a question for you it [TS]

01:04:58   does are there any principles to be [TS]

01:05:01   gleaned from the fancy enough window [TS]

01:05:03   that you could apply to the way that you [TS]

01:05:05   abduct a new intern is there a fancy [TS]

01:05:09   enough window through which these people [TS]

01:05:10   should pass well that's the thing like [TS]

01:05:13   one time I was reading back over some [TS]

01:05:15   resumes that I received the last time I [TS]

01:05:17   did this and a couple of them were like [TS]

01:05:19   I am a professional office manager who [TS]

01:05:23   used to work for NASA I'm the person [TS]

01:05:26   that's responsible for the life-support [TS]

01:05:28   systems of the astronauts and and I [TS]

01:05:31   heard that you're looking for an [TS]

01:05:32   assistant and it's like because why and [TS]

01:05:35   you got to work here why that's well but [TS]

01:05:38   it's just you know that's the thing [TS]

01:05:40   about our podcast it goes out and says [TS]

01:05:42   the world we can't do we can't I guess [TS]

01:05:43   it does I don't don't hear much about it [TS]

01:05:45   I hear occasionally yeah I don't I can't [TS]

01:05:48   even follow it anymore sometimes so [TS]

01:05:49   twice a year I hear that somebody I [TS]

01:05:51   didn't know listens to it let me top [TS]

01:05:52   there yes do you think so do you think [TS]

01:05:55   it's out there do you listen to the [TS]

01:05:57   program people listen to the program [TS]

01:06:00   then they then they are but they're [TS]

01:06:01   there in their own place right they're [TS]

01:06:03   sitting there under their potato tree [TS]

01:06:11   just like the back of my limo John and [TS]

01:06:15   Merlin live out in in space somewhere [TS]

01:06:18   and oh so the other day I'm sitting here [TS]

01:06:22   I get a text message from my sisters [TS]

01:06:24   good friend Kenna Kenna says I'm in [TS]

01:06:26   Australia I was doing a podcast with [TS]

01:06:29   some people turns out they're rotting on [TS]

01:06:31   the line fans shut your mouth and they [TS]

01:06:33   want to say hello so then she's seen me [TS]

01:06:35   position to help us get a phoney award [TS]

01:06:37   here's the thing so they send me a bid [TS]

01:06:39   and it's three very nice people in [TS]

01:06:41   Australia with those delightful [TS]

01:06:43   delightful Australian accent hospitai [TS]

01:06:45   quality accent right there just like [TS]

01:06:47   little koala bears and they say you know [TS]

01:06:51   that's a shrimp they're having a little [TS]

01:07:17   they're having a little moment with each [TS]

01:07:18   other because I think they probably are [TS]

01:07:20   thinking oh right this woman's from [TS]

01:07:23   Seattle we said just hilariously like oh [TS]

01:07:26   do you know john roderick she says as a [TS]

01:07:28   matter of fact I do [TS]

01:07:29   and then she points her camera at us and [TS]

01:07:32   so they're like hi you know what's up [TS]

01:07:34   John we're big fans and she says what [TS]

01:07:36   would you say to John if he could say [TS]

01:07:38   anything and one of them says well I'd [TS]

01:07:40   like to know if any of those stories are [TS]

01:07:41   true [TS]

01:07:42   immediately infuriate that makes you so [TS]

01:07:45   angry John bad so then they're like [TS]

01:07:47   la-de-da-de-da at one point they say [TS]

01:07:49   about the woman that's a member of their [TS]

01:07:51   little triumvirate they say like oh she [TS]

01:07:54   has a nickname for you which is the year [TS]

01:07:56   her Tuesday husband because if she was [TS]

01:07:58   ever gonna have a if she was ever gonna [TS]

01:08:00   have an affair on her actual husband it [TS]

01:08:02   would be with you lovely compliment [TS]

01:08:04   that's such a nice note Wow Tuesday [TS]

01:08:06   husband I feel like that's part of [TS]

01:08:08   Australian culture that's a thing that [TS]

01:08:09   they might say down there these days [TS]

01:08:11   they said it with such ease that I was [TS]

01:08:12   like Tuesday husband is that an [TS]

01:08:14   australian coinage that's good [TS]

01:08:16   who's your Tuesday husband and it's me [TS]

01:08:21   in this case so I immediately make a [TS]

01:08:23   little video myself which I would [TS]

01:08:26   absolutely never do uh-huh [TS]

01:08:28   it's not a thing I do or would ever do [TS]

01:08:30   but I did in this instance because I was [TS]

01:08:32   mad and I said are my stories true are [TS]

01:08:36   my stories true this is the thing that [TS]

01:08:38   you dare to say to me you ding-a-lings [TS]

01:08:41   are my story's truth my stories are even [TS]

01:08:44   truer than I tell I don't tell the real [TS]

01:08:46   true story cuz Merlyn doesn't want to [TS]

01:08:47   hear it [TS]

01:08:48   yeah no I understand you're like Milton [TS]

01:08:50   Berle you just take out enough to beat [TS]

01:08:51   him like you don't have [TS]

01:08:53   like if I told you this whole story you [TS]

01:08:55   know what it would be some kind of Lord [TS]

01:08:56   of the Rings situation being claims if I [TS]

01:08:58   told you the truth yeah you'd be [TS]

01:09:00   engulfed in flames everybody else would [TS]

01:09:02   too I'd be in jail if I told you the [TS]

01:09:03   whole story he'd never sleep again so I [TS]

01:09:05   send this thing to them oh and then [TS]

01:09:08   another thing I said in my thing was [TS]

01:09:09   listen jerks you're down there in [TS]

01:09:12   Australia why have you not done it [TS]

01:09:14   Europe you you are you are podcasters in [TS]

01:09:17   Australia why have you not brought us to [TS]

01:09:19   Australia there's not one country that [TS]

01:09:21   is officially sanctioned to give away [TS]

01:09:23   the fake of the fake podcaster word [TS]

01:09:24   called the phony and that is Australia [TS]

01:09:26   yep that's right and so then they send [TS]

01:09:29   another video back and they're like and [TS]

01:09:32   I didn't even say about I didn't even [TS]

01:09:34   talk about the phony Awards I said if [TS]

01:09:36   you listen to Roderick on the line you [TS]

01:09:37   know your job you already know your job [TS]

01:09:40   hmm you're failing and so they write [TS]

01:09:43   back in there like oh well invite you [TS]

01:09:44   down to the head phony Awards and now [TS]

01:09:46   I'm just steaming mad because they're [TS]

01:09:49   now they're having fun with doing that [TS]

01:09:51   in your face when they should have been [TS]

01:09:53   working this whole time so that's again [TS]

01:09:57   another thing I would never do mm-hmm [TS]

01:09:59   but like as far away that is I'm doing [TS]

01:10:03   it now so far away we're just from SF 2 [TS]

01:10:08   in this case New Zealand 15 hour flight [TS]

01:10:10   yeah that's too much flight well so with [TS]

01:10:14   a four-year-old so it's baked in women [TS]

01:10:18   you'll be there of us have a four year [TS]

01:10:19   old two-month the time oh I see right do [TS]

01:10:21   so baked into the head phony awards is [TS]

01:10:25   comfortable travel to there right I just [TS]

01:10:27   got stats right on the tin it's a bear [TS]

01:10:29   it's right on the barbie that bear [TS]

01:10:31   minimum you're not gonna put us back in [TS]

01:10:32   steerage they came in 8th when they [TS]

01:10:34   those nice people from New Zealand flew [TS]

01:10:36   me out for that talk where I cried they [TS]

01:10:38   put us in like the like a like a [TS]

01:10:40   business class II thing and it was [TS]

01:10:41   amazing I see you do you got that's [TS]

01:10:44   that's that's just a bare minimum what [TS]

01:10:45   everybody and you know what that was [TS]

01:10:47   that was died negotiated that my friend [TS]

01:10:49   something he bring his family were back [TS]

01:10:50   in coach and I felt really bad but but [TS]

01:10:52   but no I mean you kidding me we're [TS]

01:10:54   bringing the family bringing the family [TS]

01:10:56   you've had this well bring your get all [TS]

01:10:57   John John you love your guitar and your [TS]

01:10:59   family bring your guitar and your family [TS]

01:11:01   just come on over yeah yeah yeah [TS]

01:11:04   no no no no but there is a way to do it [TS]

01:11:07   there's a right way to do it it's not [TS]

01:11:09   like this is what I'm learning it's not [TS]

01:11:10   like no hard no it's like sure yes but [TS]

01:11:13   no to the thing that you're thinking yes [TS]

01:11:16   to the death to the thing that's like a [TS]

01:11:18   silly putty now we're like if you feel [TS]

01:11:20   like a fresh silly putty take it out of [TS]

01:11:21   the egg you push on a silly putty it [TS]

01:11:23   will yield but it's gonna take you a [TS]

01:11:24   while that putty is not warm yet darn [TS]

01:11:26   you have not warmed our putty yet all [TS]

01:11:28   you've done at this point is introduced [TS]

01:11:29   the egg yeah you want the putty to yield [TS]

01:11:31   before it's warm and that's not how that [TS]

01:11:33   works [TS]