Roderick on the Line

00:00:00 ◼   ► hello hi John how are you I'm all Merlin

00:00:09 ◼   ► how are you know pretty well i just i

00:00:12 ◼   ► had some food i had a chili dog

00:00:18 ◼   ► no really I had limited time and limited

00:00:22 ◼   ► time and I had to go through i had to

00:00:25 ◼   ► approach that fork in the road

00:00:27 ◼   ► do I going hungry or do I go in Chile

00:00:30 ◼   ► you approach the fork in the chili dog

00:00:33 ◼   ► yeah I love a chili dog but i'm i'm glad

00:00:37 ◼   ► you mentioned that will get you that

00:00:40 ◼   ► mentioned it but I'm confirming which

00:00:42 ◼   ► one which one of you again

00:00:44 ◼   ► uh-huh you're the star on the sidekick

00:00:47 ◼   ► right let me go back to how much i love

00:00:49 ◼   ► a chili dog your Merv Griffin I'm Arthur

00:00:51 ◼   ► Treacher you don't even get that you're

00:00:54 ◼   ► not even old enough to know that is

00:00:56 ◼   ► Arthur Treacher his fish and chips to

00:00:57 ◼   ► you right

00:00:58 ◼   ► oh I know you're right i don't know I'm

00:01:00 ◼   ► okay but I know who murdered Griffin is

00:01:02 ◼   ► he kidding me who gets the river and

00:01:06 ◼   ► spit merv griffin is a lesser Johnny

00:01:09 ◼   ► Carson griffin's a rich man you know how

00:01:11 ◼   ► rich he is he's richly Jesus he's rich

00:01:13 ◼   ► he started the dating game

00:01:15 ◼   ► hang on i think it can only produce the

00:01:18 ◼   ► dating Jeffrey ethic and everything else

00:01:20 ◼   ► that's Chuck Barris Chuck Barris which

00:01:23 ◼   ► always in the sea is merv griffin right

00:01:24 ◼   ► now Chuck Barris was in the CIA but I

00:01:27 ◼   ► think Merv Griffin was that I think Merv

00:01:29 ◼   ► Griffin was Chuck Paris's mentor I mean

00:01:31 ◼   ► all of this conjecture can be dismissed

00:01:35 ◼   ► with one click of the internet I don't

00:01:37 ◼   ► think that's accurate

00:01:38 ◼   ► I i think it's like in England you got

00:01:40 ◼   ► the shadow cabinet i think Merv Griffin

00:01:42 ◼   ► is the shadow cabinet right I Paris

00:01:44 ◼   ► that's what that's what I'm saying

00:01:45 ◼   ► Merv Griffin controls seventies

00:01:47 ◼   ► television i agree i am the one who

00:01:50 ◼   ► brought up chili dogs

00:01:51 ◼   ► I i try to prepare for these things

00:01:55 ◼   ► apart from eating but while I was eating

00:01:57 ◼   ► a chili dog i wrote down I wrote down

00:02:01 ◼   ► some ideas for things I wanted to talk

00:02:03 ◼   ► to you about know me I read something to

00:02:05 ◼   ► you

00:02:05 ◼   ► let's hear them ok well here's the thing

00:02:07 ◼   ► i first of all step 0

00:02:10 ◼   ► I don't want you to feel the need to

00:02:11 ◼   ► respond to any of these and

00:02:13 ◼   ► just going to these are things i'm

00:02:14 ◼   ► throwing out there okay put them in the

00:02:16 ◼   ► air you can choose to answer any of

00:02:18 ◼   ► these anyway you want you could just say

00:02:20 ◼   ► check or no check

00:02:23 ◼   ► you know I think we're planning to talk

00:02:24 ◼   ► about without picking topics but it's

00:02:26 ◼   ► really more for my personal interest in

00:02:27 ◼   ► my personal files

00:02:28 ◼   ► no I know how I know how this goes I

00:02:30 ◼   ► mean over the years I've gotten many

00:02:32 ◼   ► many phone calls from you where you had

00:02:34 ◼   ► something very important to say i don't

00:02:36 ◼   ► think you can always tell that you could

00:02:37 ◼   ► tell that was album revolver and you

00:02:39 ◼   ► needed to talk to somebody about it

00:02:41 ◼   ► right you had used up all your other

00:02:43 ◼   ► friends why didn't they put paperback

00:02:45 ◼   ► writer on there

00:02:45 ◼   ► oh ok that's number five from across

00:02:48 ◼   ► that one

00:02:49 ◼   ► ok alright let's do the list ok these

00:02:52 ◼   ► are potential topics and I don't want

00:02:54 ◼   ► you to feel any inclination because i

00:02:56 ◼   ► know you're not really you're gonna feel

00:02:57 ◼   ► in client like you do thats that's one

00:02:59 ◼   ► of the problems I'm already feeling less

00:03:01 ◼   ► inclined

00:03:02 ◼   ► ok then what topic lunch chili

00:03:05 ◼   ► it's not a huge fan okay see I think I

00:03:08 ◼   ► know you okay so that's I'm gonna put a

00:03:09 ◼   ► check next to that as a potential

00:03:11 ◼   ► remember how do you make your own chili

00:03:12 ◼   ► because i know you make a lot of your

00:03:13 ◼   ► own foods I think chili is a lot like

00:03:16 ◼   ► barbecue for white people i think it

00:03:18 ◼   ► differs a lot from place to place and

00:03:19 ◼   ► people are very territorial about it

00:03:21 ◼   ► like sports teams sexual intercourse

00:03:24 ◼   ► they have different ideas to use

00:03:25 ◼   ► cinnamon is there mustard beans no beans

00:03:28 ◼   ► i think chili i use cinnamon mustard and

00:03:30 ◼   ► beans in sexual intercourse

00:03:32 ◼   ► okay that's five shows right there ok so

00:03:36 ◼   ► we could go right into chili or you

00:03:37 ◼   ► could hear some other ideas and I just I

00:03:39 ◼   ► literally want to just check these off

00:03:41 ◼   ► just for future OIC ok so this is

00:03:43 ◼   ► lightning round all right let's go no

00:03:45 ◼   ► that is at least there's probably

00:03:47 ◼   ► actually because that's when you know

00:03:49 ◼   ► you've introduced the topic

00:03:50 ◼   ► ok I'm vibrating with excitement about

00:03:52 ◼   ► the chili lunch and I think I think we

00:03:54 ◼   ► should circle back to Chile ok ok unless

00:03:56 ◼   ► there's other ones and no no let's hear

00:03:58 ◼   ► the rest okay

00:04:00 ◼   ► pedestrians that is not a value judgment

00:04:02 ◼   ► is a simply a plural noun are you

00:04:05 ◼   ► interested at some point in talking

00:04:07 ◼   ► about pedestrians well for many many

00:04:09 ◼   ► many many years I was a pedestrian who

00:04:12 ◼   ► that's not really an answer

00:04:13 ◼   ► oh I'm ready to talk about killing

00:04:16 ◼   ► checked I'm not ready to talk about

00:04:17 ◼   ► having been a pedestrian and mine my

00:04:19 ◼   ► relationship to them now that I'm not

00:04:21 ◼   ► about yesterday I don't

00:04:23 ◼   ► want to steer this boat too hard because

00:04:24 ◼   ► it's your boat it's your wheel right and

00:04:26 ◼   ► I don't know although i call it

00:04:27 ◼   ► that's right we gotta get it up the

00:04:29 ◼   ► mountain is a German and everybody sad

00:04:32 ◼   ► i'm loco know his record our site and

00:04:36 ◼   ► that's the that's the other guy klaus

00:04:37 ◼   ► kinski loud screams kee-yai boil if

00:04:39 ◼   ► record our was in its class can write

00:04:43 ◼   ► this down if it's called oh ok that's a

00:04:45 ◼   ► no that's a that's the guy did that

00:04:47 ◼   ► movie with that other movie with Klaus

00:04:49 ◼   ► Kinski what's that guy's name

00:04:50 ◼   ► yeah that's right that's the guy know

00:04:52 ◼   ► the guy with the were the only 100 below

00:04:54 ◼   ► plays the flute and he's got a helmet

00:04:55 ◼   ► that's a corner Hertzog or hurt sock and

00:04:59 ◼   ► I'm thinking of a gay wrath of God but

00:05:03 ◼   ► i'm going to write that's called oh it's

00:05:04 ◼   ► about a steamboat I think okay number i

00:05:06 ◼   ► didn't see that one is that the one

00:05:07 ◼   ► where the guy we're a bottle falls on a

00:05:09 ◼   ► guy and he clicks at it for a while and

00:05:11 ◼   ► that takes it back to his tribe

00:05:14 ◼   ► oh the weather was little a little bit

00:05:16 ◼   ► fast in parts that's I think that's the

00:05:17 ◼   ► gods must be crazy part1 ok right as i

00:05:20 ◼   ► have a look

00:05:21 ◼   ► write that down too because i have a lot

00:05:22 ◼   ► of questions about the gods must be

00:05:24 ◼   ► crazy and I think with the metaphysical

00:05:27 ◼   ► distance that we have from that movie

00:05:29 ◼   ► now we need to talk about the gods must

00:05:30 ◼   ► be crazy because I thought you were

00:05:31 ◼   ► talking about the metaphysical distance

00:05:33 ◼   ► between you and I no no I think I don't

00:05:36 ◼   ► want to talk about that our connection

00:05:37 ◼   ► is molecular I think we've established

00:05:38 ◼   ► that would mean third topic actually

00:05:40 ◼   ► checking no checking Alaska are always

00:05:44 ◼   ► talk about Alaska ok I'm going to check

00:05:45 ◼   ► next to that this is taking too long for

00:05:48 ◼   ► the problem with public restrooms you

00:05:51 ◼   ► know that does that has problem the

00:05:52 ◼   ► problem in front of it so you can tell

00:05:54 ◼   ► me if you just want to part doesn't

00:05:55 ◼   ► interest you at all

00:05:56 ◼   ► I went to a guitar show certainly that's

00:05:58 ◼   ► not really an answer i do it like a

00:06:01 ◼   ► vintage guitar show and the public

00:06:03 ◼   ► restrooms their m.o we know what I'm

00:06:06 ◼   ► gonna I'm gonna exercise my Robert's

00:06:09 ◼   ► Rules of Order and I'm going to go and

00:06:11 ◼   ► check next to that right

00:06:12 ◼   ► ok i had some other ones i'm just gonna

00:06:15 ◼   ► table these I had a guitar as women

00:06:16 ◼   ► tattoos people who were hats are am and

00:06:19 ◼   ► whether other bands take it down before

00:06:21 ◼   ► show i think we could table as well i

00:06:24 ◼   ► think many of those guitars women

00:06:25 ◼   ► tattoos people who were hats REM and pre

00:06:27 ◼   ► shows potential quick table is

00:06:29 ◼   ► potentially for future is great i will

00:06:31 ◼   ► happily talk about all those less

00:06:33 ◼   ► fortunate than a jump out guitars women

00:06:34 ◼   ► tattoos people who were hats are

00:06:36 ◼   ► I'm appreciate have super strong

00:06:38 ◼   ► feelings about every one of those topics

00:06:40 ◼   ► and how many women right get this how

00:06:43 ◼   ► many women you know where have to have

00:06:44 ◼   ► tattoos play guitar and probably take a

00:06:46 ◼   ► dump for sho i'm thinking you just in

00:06:48 ◼   ► the pnw literally dozens

00:06:51 ◼   ► well i personally know more than a few

00:06:54 ◼   ► the thing about women in hats

00:06:57 ◼   ► that's nice is if you go to an event in

00:06:59 ◼   ► a hat you personally with a woman

00:07:03 ◼   ► yeah and you realize once you get to the

00:07:05 ◼   ► event you shouldn't have worn a hat

00:07:07 ◼   ► wearing a hat is stupid

00:07:09 ◼   ► who you can give the hat to the woman

00:07:11 ◼   ► and then the woman's wearing a hat

00:07:13 ◼   ► Sookie when they do that it's super cute

00:07:15 ◼   ► right and so then she feels cute and you

00:07:18 ◼   ► don't look like it like a dink in the

00:07:21 ◼   ► hat and an event where no other guys

00:07:23 ◼   ► wearing i have I think you know me well

00:07:24 ◼   ► enough to know I do not make sweeping

00:07:26 ◼   ► generalizations but i'm just going to

00:07:27 ◼   ► say never wear the hat

00:07:29 ◼   ► we're after the show I mean unless you

00:07:31 ◼   ► eat because now you're wearing a hat guy

00:07:33 ◼   ► yeah I know except here's the problem if

00:07:35 ◼   ► you have a collection of old Stetsons

00:07:39 ◼   ► which someone on this podcast does then

00:07:45 ◼   ► what do you do you gotta I mean I i

00:07:46 ◼   ► think this conundrum every day I wake up

00:07:48 ◼   ► I walked past my hat rack which is which

00:07:52 ◼   ► is covered like a like a like a fruit

00:07:55 ◼   ► tree with vintage head Stetson hats some

00:07:59 ◼   ► of them quite beautiful hats and I i

00:08:02 ◼   ► think my first thought is I want to put

00:08:05 ◼   ► on a hat and this is my second thought

00:08:07 ◼   ► is you look like an asshole in a half

00:08:09 ◼   ► and I got that this happens to me 30

00:08:11 ◼   ► times a day I walked past today I got 0

00:08:13 ◼   ► hat and then I go

00:08:15 ◼   ► don't walk out of the house and a half

00:08:17 ◼   ► if you were 20 or 30 you would have made

00:08:19 ◼   ► a different set of decisions about every

00:08:21 ◼   ► step of that you might have said I don't

00:08:22 ◼   ► even need these hats certainly don't

00:08:24 ◼   ► need more than one and then when you did

00:08:26 ◼   ► have a musical i got this hat got aware

00:08:28 ◼   ► of the show I don't think you even go to

00:08:29 ◼   ► that many shows these days i'm guessing

00:08:31 ◼   ► because you're very busy but I imagine

00:08:33 ◼   ► now when you do that you bring that

00:08:35 ◼   ► level of circumspection to any really

00:08:37 ◼   ► any of the fruit trees in your house

00:08:38 ◼   ► whether that is the elephant boots or

00:08:40 ◼   ► the the costly hats or on some level you

00:08:43 ◼   ► can wear too many ralph lauren shirts

00:08:46 ◼   ► right i mean you're bringing to this is

00:08:47 ◼   ► circumspection is all you can't wear

00:08:49 ◼   ► more than three ralph lauren shirts at a

00:08:51 ◼   ► time because it starts that you start to

00:08:54 ◼   ► look muscle-bound you get a kind of like

00:08:56 ◼   ► yum Arnold Schwarzenegger all I can take

00:08:59 ◼   ► up residence on lafayette and that's not

00:09:01 ◼   ► appealing i don't think people used to

00:09:03 ◼   ► wear to i mentioned this end up in a

00:09:04 ◼   ► previous visit I i remember what people

00:09:06 ◼   ► wear to with the with the Colorado

00:09:08 ◼   ► I don't get it that's one of the top

00:09:09 ◼   ► that's I don't want to talk about that

00:09:10 ◼   ► either ok but anyway I see kids in hats

00:09:13 ◼   ► all the time and I'm sorry I'm just jump

00:09:15 ◼   ► in here are we gonna go stronger people

00:09:17 ◼   ► with hats you know let's go back here

00:09:19 ◼   ► right here

00:09:19 ◼   ► no no listen I'm not here to derail it's

00:09:21 ◼   ► your rail is your train i'm just writing

00:09:23 ◼   ► to the caboose

00:09:24 ◼   ► I'm happy to talk about hats are you

00:09:26 ◼   ► ever you're riding my caboose mm uu feel

00:09:29 ◼   ► mostly like this topic script that can i

00:09:31 ◼   ► can put this in my personal file that's

00:09:33 ◼   ► all great

00:09:33 ◼   ► it's all it's all gold i'll talk about

00:09:35 ◼   ► all that stuff but I don't want to talk

00:09:36 ◼   ► about half

00:09:37 ◼   ► well I feel so I do feel strongly about

00:09:39 ◼   ► i think the whole thing where women wear

00:09:40 ◼   ► your clothes

00:09:41 ◼   ► I mean come on that script but that's a

00:09:43 ◼   ► different topic yeah the last time i

00:09:45 ◼   ► went to South by Southwest every single

00:09:48 ◼   ► person in the in the city was wearing

00:09:50 ◼   ► some kind of snap brim fedora that they

00:09:53 ◼   ► bought in an airport and I wanted to

00:09:56 ◼   ► have a lightsaber so that I could go

00:09:58 ◼   ► around and just take the top three

00:10:00 ◼   ► inches of everyone's head off and then I

00:10:03 ◼   ► of course I'm i went home and that

00:10:06 ◼   ► should be all that shuttle service

00:10:08 ◼   ► industry you should be armies armies of

00:10:10 ◼   ► people who are not unemployed but

00:10:12 ◼   ► partially employee give them a wrist

00:10:13 ◼   ► rocket and a handful of pebbles and you

00:10:15 ◼   ► literally do nothing but knock hats off

00:10:18 ◼   ► of wears a hat i said all along they

00:10:20 ◼   ► need you pick them up and you say you

00:10:22 ◼   ► know what that's one

00:10:23 ◼   ► yeah you know what maybe think a little

00:10:24 ◼   ► harder Austin you know it

00:10:26 ◼   ► yeah i'm already designing the uniforms

00:10:28 ◼   ► for those guys with the wrist Rockets I

00:10:30 ◼   ► don't really good idea i think like like

00:10:33 ◼   ► unitard but bell-bottom white white

00:10:38 ◼   ► bell-bottom unitard sounds like the

00:10:40 ◼   ► defrank of family maybe like the basic I

00:10:43 ◼   ► don't know I I you know I would never

00:10:45 ◼   ► say rollers thing about it yeah but it's

00:10:47 ◼   ► there and cameltoe is a big is a big

00:10:50 ◼   ► part of the sentiment for the menu which

00:10:53 ◼   ► is called something else right it's not

00:10:54 ◼   ► cameltoe if it's not if it's a guy its

00:10:57 ◼   ► oh I literally just made this upset

00:10:59 ◼   ► crack the now it's so unappealing no

00:11:03 ◼   ► matter how you look at I was that you

00:11:04 ◼   ► sent me that Eddie Van Halen interview

00:11:06 ◼   ► that he did backstage at the at the

00:11:09 ◼   ► stoner fast and i didn't mention it that

00:11:11 ◼   ► had photos that and photos of him and

00:11:15 ◼   ► his in his jeans

00:11:16 ◼   ► the thing is those those seventies jeans

00:11:18 ◼   ► like from the knee down

00:11:20 ◼   ► they hung like curtains they weren't

00:11:22 ◼   ► tight but boy they tailored them somehow

00:11:26 ◼   ► so that they were they were the tightest

00:11:28 ◼   ► just right in that area right around

00:11:31 ◼   ► where you pee I i have I don't know why

00:11:34 ◼   ► I think this and I don't know why I

00:11:36 ◼   ► think it but I have a feeling that David

00:11:39 ◼   ► Lee Roth has some serious lumber going

00:11:41 ◼   ► on I think he I think he could have

00:11:43 ◼   ► killed some spotted owls with that thing

00:11:44 ◼   ► i just started and is that right what

00:11:46 ◼   ► they are with the with the penises

00:11:48 ◼   ► yes no I'm sympathetic to that to the

00:11:52 ◼   ► fact that the Jews are big penises

00:11:56 ◼   ► I mean I don't like to indulge in stereo

00:11:57 ◼   ► tell you me well first of all a the Jews

00:12:00 ◼   ► had a hard time if anybody deserves a

00:12:02 ◼   ► giant rocketed you don't you pick their

00:12:04 ◼   ► here you know what I'm saying I think

00:12:06 ◼   ► that it's their time and it's now is

00:12:09 ◼   ► there time i was thinking more of the

00:12:11 ◼   ► the little wore roller one that helmet

00:12:14 ◼   ► effect I'm very sympathetic to that

00:12:15 ◼   ► there were 10 i guess maybe like it like

00:12:19 ◼   ► a terminal a storm trooper hat oh this

00:12:21 ◼   ► is getting way far afield

00:12:23 ◼   ► yeah I I you know I think you your whole

00:12:26 ◼   ► conception of penises has a lot to do

00:12:28 ◼   ► with what you're sporting first the

00:12:31 ◼   ► first time I see the opposite of the

00:12:32 ◼   ► kind of penis you have I think you know

00:12:33 ◼   ► i'm talking about the first to see the

00:12:35 ◼   ► opposite angle after you see one the

00:12:37 ◼   ► curves to the right who I i don't know

00:12:40 ◼   ► i'm not i'm not pro or anti circumcision

00:12:43 ◼   ► but I am pro circumcision not because of

00:12:45 ◼   ► the pain that because the cutting but

00:12:46 ◼   ► just because i think everyone should

00:12:47 ◼   ► look like me the extent possible

00:12:49 ◼   ► well yeah it's a cultural thing and you

00:12:51 ◼   ► are a member of a very distinct culture

00:12:53 ◼   ► me which is you

00:12:55 ◼   ► yeah i think the first time you see that

00:12:58 ◼   ► nobody i'm looking into that that's not

00:12:59 ◼   ► on the list

00:13:00 ◼   ► I you know here's the thing i would

00:13:02 ◼   ► never go up I despise tattoos I I just

00:13:05 ◼   ► as a name as a thing I just despise

00:13:08 ◼   ► tattoos now I love

00:13:10 ◼   ► of a lot of people who have tattoos yeah

00:13:13 ◼   ► yeah now it's like it's like it's like

00:13:16 ◼   ► religion i love a lot of religious

00:13:17 ◼   ► people but i'm not a super fan of

00:13:19 ◼   ► religion I think that's a terrific

00:13:22 ◼   ► example and and i have to say especially

00:13:24 ◼   ► with some of the ladies it's a matter of

00:13:26 ◼   ► taste and some of them have some really

00:13:27 ◼   ► really beautiful tattoos almost never on

00:13:30 ◼   ► the foot or the back i will note the

00:13:33 ◼   ► foot tattoo and then you gotta you gotta

00:13:36 ◼   ► go buy sandals so people can see ya know

00:13:39 ◼   ► it i'm wearing the clothes i'm wearing

00:13:40 ◼   ► sleeveless blouse

00:13:42 ◼   ► it's a shortcut to looking like a

00:13:44 ◼   ► juggalette if you look back to your

00:13:47 ◼   ► right right on the way to be in the

00:13:48 ◼   ► jungle at but here's the problem right

00:13:50 ◼   ► Merlin now I get into this all the time

00:13:51 ◼   ► if you start talking shit about tattoos

00:13:55 ◼   ► so many people in my culture now have

00:13:59 ◼   ► tattoos

00:14:00 ◼   ► let's just start talking shit about it

00:14:01 ◼   ► is to is to start minutes if I can sit

00:14:05 ◼   ► and talk about religion all day and I'm

00:14:07 ◼   ► I know I'm offending people but they're

00:14:08 ◼   ► people have sex then that's abstract

00:14:10 ◼   ► yeah it's like it's like talking about

00:14:12 ◼   ► how they feel about chest width oh you

00:14:13 ◼   ► know I kind of like chess but they're

00:14:15 ◼   ► not going to like punch in the nose and

00:14:17 ◼   ► the people that were the people that

00:14:18 ◼   ► really care about chest and they're out

00:14:19 ◼   ► there somewhere but i'm not concerned

00:14:21 ◼   ► you can probably look if you had to

00:14:23 ◼   ► fight i could lick them in a fight every

00:14:26 ◼   ► other ways yes well we really just their

00:14:29 ◼   ► they're committed they can't go back

00:14:31 ◼   ► that foot they can take their foot off

00:14:32 ◼   ► that's gonna have to be lasers and if I

00:14:34 ◼   ► say if i make some sweeping statement

00:14:35 ◼   ► like any tattoo in your bikini area is

00:14:41 ◼   ► gross no matter what it is a picture of

00:14:44 ◼   ► it i don't care if it's a beautiful

00:14:45 ◼   ► flower i don't care if it is a picture

00:14:48 ◼   ► of Ronald McDonald what that is grosser

00:14:51 ◼   ► ronald mcdonald is grosser than flower

00:14:53 ◼   ► but it's all I don't I never want to

00:14:55 ◼   ► feel sized a life-size ronald mcdonald

00:14:58 ◼   ► tell you where his nose is your clitoris

00:15:01 ◼   ► not nice

00:15:03 ◼   ► it's not that is your nose it's a

00:15:05 ◼   ► literally life-size that's probably just

00:15:07 ◼   ► the front but if you if you're sick

00:15:11 ◼   ► segment back for christmas

00:15:14 ◼   ► I'm still saving up for Christmas

00:15:17 ◼   ► why you would seriously the Juggalos

00:15:21 ◼   ► wood would welcome you with open arms

00:15:23 ◼   ► i don't i'm not putting this on the

00:15:24 ◼   ► official list i'm a third card we're

00:15:26 ◼   ► going to put jealous because I want to

00:15:27 ◼   ► learn more about Douglas i read about

00:15:29 ◼   ► them it's bikini area thing is one of

00:15:31 ◼   ► those like oh my god this girl's

00:15:33 ◼   ► beautiful oh here we go

00:15:34 ◼   ► she's so oh now with off with the bikini

00:15:38 ◼   ► and oh yeah just like a little scar down

00:15:42 ◼   ► here it's like I put up the leftover

00:15:45 ◼   ► Chinese food somebody ate all the shrimp

00:15:46 ◼   ► out and they put a dead bird in there

00:15:48 ◼   ► that's that's not food anymore

00:15:51 ◼   ► why would you mess up such a nice area

00:15:53 ◼   ► while not only a metaphor I want to

00:15:54 ◼   ► associate with a bikini promise food you

00:15:57 ◼   ► get the shrimp out and there's a dead

00:16:00 ◼   ► bird

00:16:00 ◼   ► the problem is literally not a metaphor

00:16:02 ◼   ► oh ok could be a bluebird and missing

00:16:06 ◼   ► shrimp that I don't next tattoo of a

00:16:09 ◼   ► container of chinese food we're clearly

00:16:12 ◼   ► there's shrimp shrimp shaped areas that

00:16:16 ◼   ► are empty and a dead bird

00:16:18 ◼   ► can I give you an economical solution to

00:16:21 ◼   ► that one word kanji there is probably a

00:16:24 ◼   ► symbol for this is not single this is

00:16:27 ◼   ► the kanji symbol this is a single

00:16:29 ◼   ► conscious i don't know what that means

00:16:30 ◼   ► for kanji as I think it's a language

00:16:32 ◼   ► thing you go in I think you say to them

00:16:34 ◼   ► I would like the kanji symbol for this

00:16:36 ◼   ► is a tattoo of probably a bluebird and

00:16:40 ◼   ► some missing shrimp and can I just say I

00:16:42 ◼   ► think seven out of ten tattoo

00:16:45 ◼   ► quote-unquote artists will say no

00:16:47 ◼   ► problem

00:16:48 ◼   ► yeah and actually driving is it so hard

00:16:50 ◼   ► to learn you put some lines on there you

00:16:52 ◼   ► go that's awesome this Conchie

00:16:53 ◼   ► yeah well but you know what it is people

00:16:55 ◼   ► who get tattoos they really likes and

00:16:57 ◼   ► script that's the language they really

00:16:59 ◼   ► want their tattoo and let's look on your

00:17:00 ◼   ► arms in your background that the seven

00:17:02 ◼   ► Angelina Jolie has I'm sure she does

00:17:05 ◼   ► oh my god i'm so irritated angelina

00:17:07 ◼   ► jolie right now just thinking of her

00:17:09 ◼   ► tattoos on right-hander Damon and right

00:17:11 ◼   ► under juggalos there goes happy with no

00:17:14 ◼   ► water tattoos are I sure she has some

00:17:16 ◼   ► that are pissing me off right we're

00:17:18 ◼   ► gonna need a second and probably 50 odd

00:17:20 ◼   ► cast just for Angelina Jolie then that

00:17:23 ◼   ► but I understand this problem i run into

00:17:25 ◼   ► it too because i have dear friends now

00:17:26 ◼   ► here's the problem twitter is I say

00:17:29 ◼   ► you know you you look that makes you

00:17:31 ◼   ► look a little bit filthy and when you

00:17:33 ◼   ► get old

00:17:34 ◼   ► it's not gonna be pretty and my friends

00:17:35 ◼   ► think I'm addressing them directly i

00:17:37 ◼   ► have friends they have tattoos that are

00:17:38 ◼   ► very meaningful to them about very

00:17:40 ◼   ► meaningful things to her over some of

00:17:42 ◼   ► them are awesome i have a friend a

00:17:43 ◼   ► friend in college who looked a lot like

00:17:46 ◼   ► a Sherman from from Bullwinkle and so he

00:17:49 ◼   ► got a Sherman tattoo that was beautiful

00:17:50 ◼   ► and I thought that was funny

00:17:52 ◼   ► I don't know Frank a different got a

00:17:53 ◼   ► question mark and the word doubt under

00:17:55 ◼   ► it I thought that was nice

00:17:57 ◼   ► that's nice i have a lot of friends that

00:17:59 ◼   ► are tattooed from the bottoms of their

00:18:01 ◼   ► earlobes to the ends of their fucking

00:18:04 ◼   ► toes who and I dated a couple of girls

00:18:09 ◼   ► that had a that had tattoos all over

00:18:11 ◼   ► their bodies and and i was able for that

00:18:16 ◼   ► period to enjoy those people's studies

00:18:19 ◼   ► as a part of them over the enjoyment of

00:18:22 ◼   ► them but i cannot say that I would not

00:18:26 ◼   ► have preferred that they did not have

00:18:28 ◼   ► all those tattoos i think in the

00:18:30 ◼   ► aggregate what that says is yes i will

00:18:33 ◼   ► work at the coffee shop but be you

00:18:36 ◼   ► probably shouldn't trust me with the

00:18:37 ◼   ► keys so all the tattoos

00:18:40 ◼   ► well to me it becomes you know see we

00:18:44 ◼   ► should move on i can probably tell me I

00:18:46 ◼   ► can't talk about tattoo I can't talk

00:18:48 ◼   ► about tattoos on girls anymore because

00:18:50 ◼   ► there are enough people watching my

00:18:51 ◼   ► twitter feed who are going to send me a

00:18:53 ◼   ► text that says when did you see a girls

00:18:58 ◼   ► bikini area ? ? and I'm like uh I was

00:19:03 ◼   ► just thinking about it in the abstract

00:19:06 ◼   ► and then I get another text

00:19:08 ◼   ► oh really you're just thinking about

00:19:10 ◼   ► that Jesus is the other problem is the

00:19:14 ◼   ► other problem with twitter which is when

00:19:15 ◼   ► on your I try to help people by saying

00:19:18 ◼   ► something abstract people who feel that

00:19:21 ◼   ► that is about them will respond

00:19:22 ◼   ► personally that's the second problem

00:19:24 ◼   ► with what I'm talking about you all the

00:19:25 ◼   ► time to talk about you except one

00:19:27 ◼   ► computer all except as much i am talking

00:19:29 ◼   ► about you

00:19:30 ◼   ► I'm not talking about you right now I

00:19:32 ◼   ► was absolutely talking about you a

00:19:33 ◼   ► question but not you

00:19:35 ◼   ► now you're talking about me you know and

00:19:38 ◼   ► that's different that's totally

00:19:39 ◼   ► different

00:19:40 ◼   ► that's the second problem

00:19:41 ◼   ► which appears it here's the thing I've

00:19:43 ◼   ► been to your area

00:19:45 ◼   ► well we're here I've been to your bikini

00:19:47 ◼   ► area but i think i've been to jet city

00:19:52 ◼   ► as i like to call it you prefer that or

00:19:54 ◼   ► emerald cities like San Frisco is look

00:19:56 ◼   ► up to her saying they just pretty well

00:19:57 ◼   ► no you got it wrong you got a song

00:19:59 ◼   ► here's the thing about jet city in the

00:20:01 ◼   ► in the fifties and sixties jet city was

00:20:03 ◼   ► the first that was seattle's nickname

00:20:05 ◼   ► that was seattle's like because the

00:20:07 ◼   ► boeing is the bone because we were

00:20:09 ◼   ► making jets before anybody else i love i

00:20:11 ◼   ► think it's i think it's fantastic it's

00:20:12 ◼   ► got tomorrow and quality its muscular

00:20:14 ◼   ► right well exactly

00:20:16 ◼   ► thank you that's exactly right and we

00:20:18 ◼   ► were jet city all the way up until some

00:20:21 ◼   ► magical point in the late seventies when

00:20:26 ◼   ► some the Cabal of city fathers decided

00:20:29 ◼   ► they were gonna rebrand Seattle as the

00:20:32 ◼   ► Emerald City which is like a land of

00:20:34 ◼   ► little of dwarves like magical little

00:20:39 ◼   ► green emerald city what is that that's

00:20:42 ◼   ► like a tour the Dorothy in Oz right

00:20:46 ◼   ► wonderland

00:20:47 ◼   ► it's a place it's a place with a lot of

00:20:49 ◼   ► poppies it's run by a fraud

00:20:51 ◼   ► yeah it's not a that's no nickname

00:20:53 ◼   ► nobody wanted that nobody asked for that

00:20:55 ◼   ► what is it to Temple about the city

00:20:57 ◼   ► well it's it it's very green here even

00:21:01 ◼   ► verdant where it's already XP colleague

00:21:03 ◼   ► it's both bucolic and burden is a

00:21:05 ◼   ► schematic it's not 4matic no format

00:21:09 ◼   ► format diplomatic city would be this

00:21:11 ◼   ► Kansas City Missouri this little battle

00:21:15 ◼   ► that the city that knows how to haack it

00:21:17 ◼   ► no that's not that's not Seattle Seattle

00:21:19 ◼   ► is Colin Burton who like a prince in san

00:21:23 ◼   ► francisco in one's mind's eye one thinks

00:21:28 ◼   ► no san francisco bucolic hurt but in

00:21:31 ◼   ► fact it's it's neither of those things

00:21:33 ◼   ► it's a parched desert same thing

00:21:35 ◼   ► happened in the late seventies you know

00:21:37 ◼   ► same kinda bunch of people hung over

00:21:38 ◼   ► Kenya meeting

00:21:39 ◼   ► nobody had the good sense to say no to

00:21:41 ◼   ► Emerald City 19th it was 19 now is

00:21:43 ◼   ► probably anything 87 cisco that's not

00:21:47 ◼   ► funny

00:21:49 ◼   ► assign they said that's not even that's

00:21:51 ◼   ► not even a nickname that's just a

00:21:53 ◼   ► statement and they said no seriously

00:21:54 ◼   ► that's not funny but no matter what you

00:21:57 ◼   ► say in San Francisco somebody's gonna

00:21:58 ◼   ► say you know what that's not funny

00:22:00 ◼   ► yeah that went on the license plates

00:22:02 ◼   ► it's not actually not a question its

00:22:03 ◼   ► license plates me like me like on cars

00:22:06 ◼   ► haha ok here's an idea when you take

00:22:09 ◼   ► your comment and go for gas right into

00:22:11 ◼   ► the bay

00:22:12 ◼   ► that's not funny that is exactly what is

00:22:14 ◼   ► your custom license plate that's not a

00:22:16 ◼   ► crime that's your that's yours h8 crying

00:22:19 ◼   ► ah here's my question to you what why

00:22:21 ◼   ► why is frisco so up so bad for you

00:22:24 ◼   ► people

00:22:25 ◼   ► I mean frisco it's like you say first go

00:22:27 ◼   ► to san francisco in the frickin and they

00:22:30 ◼   ► frickin and they will they will go eat

00:22:33 ◼   ► like an orchid in a microwave

00:22:35 ◼   ► well be were very touchy I don't know if

00:22:38 ◼   ► you realize that we're very touchy you

00:22:39 ◼   ► are not touchy-feely just touchy

00:22:41 ◼   ► that's not funny but a you-know-what

00:22:44 ◼   ► people started calling you the Windies

00:22:46 ◼   ► and all I'm going out tonight to see the

00:22:48 ◼   ► the twenties but let's go as a frisco

00:22:51 ◼   ► has a long and and glorious a trigger

00:22:54 ◼   ► career they called it Frisco bag in 1859

00:22:57 ◼   ► and they also used to think there's

00:22:59 ◼   ► spiders and WM doesn't make it right

00:23:01 ◼   ► I don't know I I there's two things I

00:23:03 ◼   ► hurt you never call it Frisco and for

00:23:05 ◼   ► the love of Christ never call it San

00:23:07 ◼   ► Fran when I moved here my wife educated

00:23:09 ◼   ► me on many things she told me she told

00:23:11 ◼   ► me I was we were never going to

00:23:13 ◼   ► rollerblade and golden gate park so I

00:23:14 ◼   ► cross that off my list said we're never

00:23:16 ◼   ► gonna buy a big can of coffee in a red

00:23:20 ◼   ► can that's never happening again

00:23:22 ◼   ► well she's right there she was right and

00:23:23 ◼   ► I think you can blame Emerald City for

00:23:25 ◼   ► that says it all the coffee now that's

00:23:27 ◼   ► right to change the world but the sheet

00:23:31 ◼   ► she schooled me on that i think i had

00:23:33 ◼   ► heard or read in books you don't cloths

00:23:35 ◼   ► and Fredo call it Frisco I i don't know

00:23:37 ◼   ► i mean you know what they call it and

00:23:39 ◼   ► this is this is really not funny but

00:23:41 ◼   ► they call it the city now see that right

00:23:43 ◼   ► the city by the bay was seen around the

00:23:45 ◼   ► city that never stops right the city

00:23:48 ◼   ► that was built on on rock and roll and

00:23:50 ◼   ► an over-inflated mining industry you

00:23:53 ◼   ► know back then because five dollars for

00:23:54 ◼   ► a gallon of milk

00:23:56 ◼   ► 18 just wearing the gold rush days this

00:23:59 ◼   ► is the thing when you have a big boom

00:24:02 ◼   ► it's not the suckers

00:24:03 ◼   ► I get rich and it is the suckers let me

00:24:06 ◼   ► tell you it's right in your bikini area

00:24:07 ◼   ► you people who get rich it's like the

00:24:10 ◼   ► lawyer thing the field is the milk

00:24:12 ◼   ► producers that get rich every time John

00:24:14 ◼   ► if you want to sleep literally on a

00:24:16 ◼   ► wooden bench was ten dollars a night

00:24:17 ◼   ► that's in 18-49 dollars i have to look

00:24:19 ◼   ► up what that is but I think that's a lot

00:24:21 ◼   ► of money that is a lot of money to

00:24:22 ◼   ► finance I wouldn't take ten dollars the

00:24:24 ◼   ► wooden bench right now we can we stay at

00:24:26 ◼   ► my place

00:24:26 ◼   ► I know when you're luckier here mattress

00:24:30 ◼   ► that shaped like a taco your taco

00:24:32 ◼   ► mattress for Lily's there you gotta pump

00:24:34 ◼   ► it up every night it's on router

00:24:36 ◼   ► memorial taco mattress where I don't get

00:24:39 ◼   ► off topic that I've always enjoy I

00:24:41 ◼   ► always enjoyed how you made how you made

00:24:44 ◼   ► someone sleep in the van

00:24:45 ◼   ► I always thought that was about way more

00:24:47 ◼   ► than protecting the equipment we live

00:24:48 ◼   ► literally 323 cut that out we live close

00:24:52 ◼   ► to a police station you have next to a

00:24:54 ◼   ► police station

00:24:55 ◼   ► that's fine and it's a very it's a very

00:24:58 ◼   ► pastoral automatic not area much like

00:25:02 ◼   ► REM is a reckoning and so you know

00:25:06 ◼   ► you're mostly going to be okay and our

00:25:08 ◼   ► neighborhood but you would always make

00:25:09 ◼   ► someone sleep i think michael you make

00:25:10 ◼   ► Michael sleep in the van a lot just for

00:25:12 ◼   ► spite

00:25:12 ◼   ► Michael like to sleep in the van because

00:25:14 ◼   ► michael is a compulsive masturbator

00:25:16 ◼   ► and i think is a loud masturbator so

00:25:19 ◼   ► you're not comfortable sleeping around

00:25:20 ◼   ► other people he likes to be in a in an

00:25:23 ◼   ► enclosed area where you can steam up the

00:25:25 ◼   ► windows but i slept in the van in front

00:25:27 ◼   ► of your house one time

00:25:29 ◼   ► yeah i was done about that and I had I

00:25:32 ◼   ► had a terrifying experience I think I

00:25:36 ◼   ► told you about this the next morning I

00:25:38 ◼   ► was asleep in the man next to the park

00:25:40 ◼   ► right where I'm by back in so i'm

00:25:42 ◼   ► looking at the park

00:25:44 ◼   ► I'm sleeping in the van in the middle of

00:25:46 ◼   ► the night I wake up with a start to a a

00:25:50 ◼   ► vision of like an army of dead soldiers

00:25:56 ◼   ► marching across the park toward me I

00:26:01 ◼   ► looked out of the window and I see an

00:26:03 ◼   ► army of ghostly dead

00:26:05 ◼   ► coming up the van

00:26:08 ◼   ► and I'm you know I sleep in the I sleep

00:26:11 ◼   ► on naturale foo and so I shoot out of of

00:26:17 ◼   ► our the of the back punk in the van

00:26:20 ◼   ► shoot across for a bench seats in the

00:26:25 ◼   ► van into the driver's seat

00:26:27 ◼   ► turn on the van and put it in gear and

00:26:31 ◼   ► peel out this is four o'clock in the

00:26:33 ◼   ► morning peel out of this parking space

00:26:35 ◼   ► and don't stop for like four blocks

00:26:38 ◼   ► bare-ass naked driving in a panic away

00:26:43 ◼   ► from this army of dead soldiers coming

00:26:46 ◼   ► at me and I pulled over to the side of

00:26:48 ◼   ► the road

00:26:49 ◼   ► panting coming out of the park at you ya

00:26:52 ◼   ► know watching across the park toward the

00:26:54 ◼   ► van in gold surrounding the van at four

00:26:58 ◼   ► in the morning that's horrific it was

00:27:00 ◼   ► terrible and then I didn't sleep the

00:27:02 ◼   ► rest of the night I couldn't could park

00:27:03 ◼   ► next to the the park of dead soldiers

00:27:06 ◼   ► know what era like to remember what were

00:27:09 ◼   ► the Crimean no they weren't cry me and I

00:27:13 ◼   ► you know that they were in western guard

00:27:15 ◼   ► quite frankly that's just gonna find you

00:27:18 ◼   ► have a lot of visions like that well but

00:27:22 ◼   ► stick model you're getting mana no

00:27:24 ◼   ► not-not-not anywhere i've never gotten a

00:27:27 ◼   ► stigma but i do have periodically very

00:27:30 ◼   ► rarely I'll be sleeping in a strange

00:27:32 ◼   ► house or either i was sleeping at a

00:27:35 ◼   ► house in Vermont one time I turned off

00:27:37 ◼   ► the light and immediately felt like

00:27:40 ◼   ► there was someone terrible in the room

00:27:45 ◼   ► with me and i SAT up turn on the light

00:27:48 ◼   ► and spent the entire night sitting up

00:27:50 ◼   ► like reading old readers digest because

00:27:53 ◼   ► the second that I the second that I was

00:27:57 ◼   ► not vigilant there was a terrible

00:27:59 ◼   ► terrible malevolent presence there and

00:28:03 ◼   ► in the morning i limp down to the

00:28:05 ◼   ► breakfast and the my hosts are sitting

00:28:09 ◼   ► there and they said how did you sleep

00:28:12 ◼   ► and I said well not very well actually

00:28:14 ◼   ► because there's a really really evil

00:28:18 ◼   ► ghoul that lives in the room

00:28:21 ◼   ► you partying and they went oh we were

00:28:25 ◼   ► wondering if you would notice

00:28:27 ◼   ► that's why we put you in there we

00:28:29 ◼   ► thought you know we just wanted to see

00:28:31 ◼   ► if you would if you would notice what

00:28:35 ◼   ► like keeping what a terrible thing

00:28:39 ◼   ► what like a like a like a renter or like

00:28:43 ◼   ► a ghost know this house was built in

00:28:45 ◼   ► seventeen forty or something like having

00:28:47 ◼   ► it like somebody a tricorn hat one who

00:28:49 ◼   ► yeah they had a bad ghost and of all the

00:28:52 ◼   ► people you know they were like four or

00:28:54 ◼   ► five of us staying over and above all

00:28:55 ◼   ► the people they were like let's put

00:28:57 ◼   ► Roderick in there he'll if anybody's

00:28:59 ◼   ► gonna gonna see the terrible ghost it's

00:29:02 ◼   ► John you can't look at you I would not

00:29:03 ◼   ► have never I you know I i love Eric I

00:29:06 ◼   ► would never put Eric in with the ghost

00:29:08 ◼   ► well Eric would make common cause with

00:29:10 ◼   ► the ghosts may have a hip-hop side

00:29:12 ◼   ► project by morning

00:29:13 ◼   ► alright just busting busting some tracks

00:29:16 ◼   ► I you're in the loop

00:29:20 ◼   ► I I think of you is a despite the

00:29:24 ◼   ► extreme irrationality of the most

00:29:26 ◼   ► aspects of your personality I think of

00:29:27 ◼   ► you as a rational person I don't give

00:29:29 ◼   ► you as a post-enlightenment kind of

00:29:31 ◼   ► character

00:29:32 ◼   ► I don't believe in ghosts if that's what

00:29:33 ◼   ► you're giving i'm not sure what i'm

00:29:35 ◼   ► getting at but use don't seem like

00:29:36 ◼   ► somebody I could see you getting up and

00:29:38 ◼   ► thinking there it goes for a while maybe

00:29:40 ◼   ► up to the point you made it through your

00:29:41 ◼   ► vegan breakfast which i assume is all

00:29:43 ◼   ► they serve in remind that's right and so

00:29:46 ◼   ► foodie breakfast and then I could but it

00:29:49 ◼   ► seems like at some point you wait

00:29:50 ◼   ► it sounds to me that I like as as you

00:29:52 ◼   ► sit here today you still think something

00:29:54 ◼   ► was going on there

00:29:55 ◼   ► well this is the problem with with these

00:29:57 ◼   ► uh with these emotional experiences that

00:30:00 ◼   ► you have in the middle of the night if

00:30:02 ◼   ► you are too rigorous in the light of day

00:30:06 ◼   ► about debunking those things I think you

00:30:10 ◼   ► do yourself a disservice

00:30:12 ◼   ► I think if you are woken up in the

00:30:13 ◼   ► middle of the night by an army of ghouls

00:30:15 ◼   ► walking across the park and you are

00:30:18 ◼   ► scared enough that you jump out in naked

00:30:22 ◼   ► and drive away it doesn't serve you

00:30:26 ◼   ► it doesn't serve the the the magical

00:30:29 ◼   ► aspects of the world

00:30:30 ◼   ► to the following day

00:30:33 ◼   ► pish-posh yourself and say oh that must

00:30:37 ◼   ► have just been a barber car especially

00:30:39 ◼   ► if you're not getting it all the time

00:30:40 ◼   ► you're getting that all the time you

00:30:42 ◼   ► need to talk to somebody but that's the

00:30:44 ◼   ► thing right is what happens once every

00:30:45 ◼   ► four years

00:30:46 ◼   ► yeah i just i have to give some credence

00:30:48 ◼   ► to it and if you were to sit down next

00:30:50 ◼   ► to me now and say well reviewer for

00:30:52 ◼   ► instance to call me on the phone and

00:30:53 ◼   ► talk to me on a podcast and say do you

00:30:56 ◼   ► believe that there was an army of ghouls

00:30:58 ◼   ► well do you believe in an army of ghouls

00:31:01 ◼   ► I would say no if you saw somebody on

00:31:04 ◼   ► Oprah who's talking about this you know

00:31:06 ◼   ► how much you enjoy watching reruns of

00:31:07 ◼   ► Oprah you would you would say if

00:31:09 ◼   ► somebody came on as a whole show about

00:31:12 ◼   ► people who seen armies of things

00:31:14 ◼   ► ghoulish soldiers you would say I'm not

00:31:17 ◼   ► so sure about that right I'm not so sure

00:31:18 ◼   ► right but my own experience I just

00:31:21 ◼   ► simply can't discount it like for

00:31:22 ◼   ► instance one time we were on tour and

00:31:25 ◼   ► our van caught on fire in death valley

00:31:27 ◼   ► and there's no reason for us to be a

00:31:30 ◼   ► Death Valley except that I we had a day

00:31:32 ◼   ► off and I suggested that instead of

00:31:34 ◼   ► going to Las Vegas we would go to drive

00:31:38 ◼   ► across Death Valley instead and

00:31:40 ◼   ► everybody in the van i don't i'm not

00:31:42 ◼   ► sure whether they agreed or whether they

00:31:43 ◼   ► actually asked to measure matters

00:31:45 ◼   ► it's very hard for me sometimes to tell

00:31:47 ◼   ► the difference between them agreeing and

00:31:49 ◼   ► aqueous and clearly they're really

00:31:51 ◼   ► struggling for breath as it was they

00:31:54 ◼   ► looked up from their interactive devices

00:31:56 ◼   ► long enough to give me what I took as a

00:31:59 ◼   ► not so we're driving across Death Valley

00:32:02 ◼   ► and sadly the brakes failed and

00:32:07 ◼   ► definitely is a very it's a very the

00:32:09 ◼   ► brakes family van was on fire

00:32:11 ◼   ► well no that's how the mountains are the

00:32:13 ◼   ► brakes failed and death valley is very

00:32:15 ◼   ► mountainous know the way that it that it

00:32:18 ◼   ► ends up being so far below sea level is

00:32:20 ◼   ► not that it just sorta tapers down it

00:32:25 ◼   ► you go up a really big mountain and then

00:32:26 ◼   ► you go really far down a mountain even

00:32:30 ◼   ► further down than the place where he

00:32:31 ◼   ► started and then your hundred people of

00:32:35 ◼   ► sea-level same with the brakes concave

00:32:37 ◼   ► right

00:32:39 ◼   ► yes it's like a contact lens in the

00:32:42 ◼   ► and so the thing catches on fire because

00:32:45 ◼   ► that because I burned through the brakes

00:32:47 ◼   ► and then burned through I just burned

00:32:49 ◼   ► through it all and so the ban is burning

00:32:51 ◼   ► and where we jump out and we we throw

00:32:54 ◼   ► our will our bottles of water on her

00:32:55 ◼   ► then we throw our bottles of P that

00:32:57 ◼   ► every band has in their van we throw

00:33:00 ◼   ► that on the burning breaks and then

00:33:02 ◼   ► we're sitting in the middle of the night

00:33:03 ◼   ► did I mention it was the middle of the

00:33:04 ◼   ► night we're sitting in the middle of the

00:33:06 ◼   ► night in death valley where the brakes

00:33:08 ◼   ► hot because he'd been you got an

00:33:10 ◼   ► automatic right you're not going to be

00:33:12 ◼   ► clutching your way with Hills is because

00:33:14 ◼   ► you just been overusing the brakes and

00:33:15 ◼   ► they got overheated while the bread the

00:33:17 ◼   ► brakes were gone and yeah they got they

00:33:19 ◼   ► got overheated it was metal-on-metal for

00:33:21 ◼   ► a wolf and it's it's it's late night

00:33:23 ◼   ► it's late at night

00:33:25 ◼   ► we're standing on the side of the road

00:33:26 ◼   ► in death valley there's not another

00:33:28 ◼   ► living soul for miles in any direction

00:33:32 ◼   ► clear night and we're standing there

00:33:35 ◼   ► looking at the bank when water with

00:33:36 ◼   ► energy this is this is we're stuck here

00:33:39 ◼   ► we're gonna die here and I look over and

00:33:45 ◼   ► what had in my peripheral vision would

00:33:48 ◼   ► have appeared to be like a a giant radio

00:33:51 ◼   ► transmission tower that had some red

00:33:54 ◼   ► lights on it I realized kind of it at

00:33:58 ◼   ► the same moment that I saw it move

00:34:00 ◼   ► I realized there were no radio there are

00:34:03 ◼   ► no high-tension power lines out here

00:34:05 ◼   ► this is death valley where the middle of

00:34:07 ◼   ► nowhere and I look over and this high

00:34:10 ◼   ► tension power line tower is moving

00:34:14 ◼   ► across the sky at at the at the pace at

00:34:19 ◼   ► a walking pace and it's also rotating so

00:34:24 ◼   ► that and it's and this is happening and

00:34:26 ◼   ► it's moving behind a mountain as I see

00:34:28 ◼   ► it and I look over and I go what the

00:34:31 ◼   ► hell is that and we all look except Eric

00:34:34 ◼   ► Eric was Eric had walked away from the

00:34:37 ◼   ► van and was out in the desert with a

00:34:39 ◼   ► flashlight turning over rocks looking

00:34:42 ◼   ► for snakes and scorpions and so I say

00:34:46 ◼   ► look at that and everybody looks and we

00:34:48 ◼   ► all go and eric is like these night

00:34:53 ◼   ► blind because he has this flashlight

00:34:55 ◼   ► and by the time Eric looks up and gets

00:34:59 ◼   ► his night-vision the thing has moved

00:35:01 ◼   ► behind the mountain but the rest of us

00:35:03 ◼   ► all saw this thing this crazy thing I

00:35:06 ◼   ► could you know i just did you generate

00:35:08 ◼   ► this point beyond Michael or Michael or

00:35:10 ◼   ► he's also i will actually now that I

00:35:13 ◼   ► think about an appeal had flown to some

00:35:16 ◼   ► other show cause he was he was looking

00:35:18 ◼   ► for is it who else saw this besides just

00:35:21 ◼   ► it was just Jonathan actually was just

00:35:23 ◼   ► mean ok but we both thought and neither

00:35:25 ◼   ► of us words was able to describe it in a

00:35:28 ◼   ► way that sounded like the thing that the

00:35:29 ◼   ► other person he didn't see it just

00:35:31 ◼   ► because he wanted to agree with you

00:35:32 ◼   ► no no he was like whoa and then he

00:35:34 ◼   ► started talking about it like it was

00:35:36 ◼   ► some kind of trapezoid cool and I was

00:35:39 ◼   ► like it cool and I said there wasn't a

00:35:41 ◼   ► trapezoid it was a it was a triangular

00:35:44 ◼   ► and he's like no no it was a

00:35:46 ◼   ► quadrilateral and so we couldn't agree

00:35:48 ◼   ► but anyway if people say to me what you

00:35:51 ◼   ► believe in UFOs I say oh you could be

00:35:54 ◼   ► sure that she might believe in that UFO

00:35:57 ◼   ► but I saw that your phone maybe it was a

00:35:59 ◼   ► government experiment maybe it was a

00:36:00 ◼   ► radio tower that had come unrooted as it

00:36:05 ◼   ► wasn't more like a movie with my at or

00:36:08 ◼   ► or more like like a Zeppelin or I me

00:36:12 ◼   ► said was walking right let's say it was

00:36:15 ◼   ► a Zeppelin that had no skin on it that

00:36:19 ◼   ► was tumbling end over end low like

00:36:24 ◼   ► hurling like a like a poorly kick

00:36:25 ◼   ► football

00:36:26 ◼   ► yeah except really slow

00:36:29 ◼   ► [Music]

00:36:31 ◼   ► well and your fans on fire and advance

00:36:34 ◼   ► on fire this this this this sounds like

00:36:38 ◼   ► some kind of rejected david lynch thing

00:36:40 ◼   ► that was a hell of a night let me tell

00:36:42 ◼   ► you what you do d duty to the interplay

00:36:45 ◼   ► well no no there's no cell phone service

00:36:48 ◼   ► because we're in the middle of dead

00:36:50 ◼   ► valid death valley so you don't like you

00:36:52 ◼   ► like other people driving

00:36:54 ◼   ► oh hell no nobody else is gonna drive my

00:36:58 ◼   ► van now one captains in charge now when

00:37:00 ◼   ► Captain burn up the brakes is in charge

00:37:01 ◼   ► so what I did I swear to you I put it in

00:37:05 ◼   ► gear low gear and drove without touching

00:37:11 ◼   ► the brakes for 60 miles your king and

00:37:21 ◼   ► sometimes we were going really fast and

00:37:25 ◼   ► sometimes we were going really slow but

00:37:28 ◼   ► I just I just said you know what we're

00:37:31 ◼   ► gonna do we're just gonna we're just

00:37:33 ◼   ► going to hurtle down this mountain and

00:37:36 ◼   ► hope and pray that there are no hairpin

00:37:39 ◼   ► turns and there were none so we just

00:37:44 ◼   ► hurdled down the mountain and out into

00:37:46 ◼   ► the desert and we rolled through the

00:37:48 ◼   ► flat desert for many many miles until we

00:37:52 ◼   ► arrived in a town and we pulled into the

00:37:54 ◼   ► town still without having touch the

00:37:57 ◼   ► brakes pulled into the parking lot of a

00:38:00 ◼   ► Ford dealership which was right next to

00:38:04 ◼   ► a motel so we pulled into the ford

00:38:08 ◼   ► dealership and went got a room at the

00:38:10 ◼   ► motel in the morning i went over told

00:38:13 ◼   ► them to fix the breaks they spent all

00:38:15 ◼   ► day doing it because the firebreak fire

00:38:17 ◼   ► had also burned some other important

00:38:19 ◼   ► parts but they had it done by three in

00:38:22 ◼   ► the afternoon we were in la by five in

00:38:24 ◼   ► time for sound check it yeah is

00:38:29 ◼   ► so improbable in so many ways well

00:38:32 ◼   ► that's rock and roll Merlin batteries

00:38:34 ◼   ► that's how Rock and Roll plays out does

00:38:36 ◼   ► it benefit no no we got paid for that

00:38:39 ◼   ► show largo where you play space space

00:38:42 ◼   ► place

00:38:42 ◼   ► hmm might have been spaced place that

00:38:45 ◼   ► was during the house during the era when

00:38:49 ◼   ► I was away it was our tour and who's the

00:38:54 ◼   ► british guy in la that have the taste

00:38:57 ◼   ► making indie rock radio show

00:38:59 ◼   ► Rodney on the rock know the Oh nikka

00:39:04 ◼   ► nikka yeah morning when it comes to

00:39:06 ◼   ► collect their morning becomes eclectic

00:39:07 ◼   ► with Nick what's but yep and presence is

00:39:11 ◼   ► married name for years he took his

00:39:14 ◼   ► wife's name was what about she's from

00:39:16 ◼   ► land from Wales for years he was a you

00:39:20 ◼   ► know that's one of those shows where if

00:39:21 ◼   ► you're an indie rock band you go play

00:39:22 ◼   ► morning becomes eclectic and we had been

00:39:24 ◼   ► saying for a long time here want to have

00:39:26 ◼   ► us down there and they would say oh we

00:39:28 ◼   ► love you guys we play your stuff all the

00:39:29 ◼   ► time but on this tour they just booked

00:39:33 ◼   ► we don't have any opening slots because

00:39:34 ◼   ► mob wise coming in and presidents and so

00:39:39 ◼   ► this was one of those tours where we

00:39:41 ◼   ► were somewhere in the Midwest and our

00:39:42 ◼   ► people were saying hey why don't you

00:39:44 ◼   ► have the long winters on Morning Becomes

00:39:45 ◼   ► eclectic and they're like oh absolutely

00:39:47 ◼   ► you know that sounds like a great deal

00:39:49 ◼   ► let's check the schedule and then right

00:39:51 ◼   ► before we got there

00:39:54 ◼   ► they're like oh sorry we can't you know

00:39:59 ◼   ► something came up and and and we we

00:40:01 ◼   ► can't we have to pull your slot or

00:40:02 ◼   ► something with that we were like oh

00:40:04 ◼   ► again you know not on we don't get to go

00:40:08 ◼   ► on Morning Becomes eclectic and so all

00:40:10 ◼   ► of the LA indie-rockers think their

00:40:12 ◼   ► music from here or not going to hear

00:40:14 ◼   ► about us and we're never going to be

00:40:15 ◼   ► famous and then we get a phone call from

00:40:19 ◼   ► the openers on our tour a band called

00:40:23 ◼   ► what made Milwaukee famous foo and they

00:40:27 ◼   ► were calling us to say all we just got

00:40:29 ◼   ► offered morning becomes eclectic and so

00:40:32 ◼   ► we have to like we have to drive all

00:40:34 ◼   ► through the night to go do it isn't that

00:40:36 ◼   ► exciting

00:40:37 ◼   ► that was like did you put got talent

00:40:43 ◼   ► and that was as you know about me I'm

00:40:47 ◼   ► you know I very dignified over there are

00:40:50 ◼   ► some things i don't i don't bear with

00:40:53 ◼   ► equanimity who so many insults I cannot

00:40:56 ◼   ► bear hope perfidious some perfidious

00:40:59 ◼   ► nasai will not bear the perfect it was

00:41:02 ◼   ► duplicitous of deliciousness of another

00:41:05 ◼   ► thing I won't bury hardwood or whatever

00:41:07 ◼   ► his name is there that studies that's

00:41:09 ◼   ► fucked up John and so this wasn't this

00:41:11 ◼   ► was one of those moments when i said i

00:41:13 ◼   ► know that this is I know that that to

00:41:16 ◼   ► adopt this attitude is to only do a

00:41:19 ◼   ► disservice to myself because morning

00:41:21 ◼   ► becomes eclectic does not care really

00:41:23 ◼   ► if the long winters ever play on their

00:41:25 ◼   ► show because they are a media juggernaut

00:41:29 ◼   ► and they will turn up they will gobble

00:41:32 ◼   ► up bands and speed them out there radio

00:41:34 ◼   ► and it has their pick of meeting men

00:41:36 ◼   ► right their desires it's a buyers market

00:41:38 ◼   ► it is a buyers market and they you know

00:41:41 ◼   ► they lured that over bands and i said i

00:41:44 ◼   ► will not play the show now I do not care

00:41:46 ◼   ► if they come to me on bended knee they

00:41:48 ◼   ► have insulted me and i will not ever

00:41:50 ◼   ► appear on this stupid taste making radio

00:41:53 ◼   ► show that will that is a career-maker i

00:41:56 ◼   ► will not go to refuse em and I mean it's

00:42:01 ◼   ► not like we turn down a bunch of offers

00:42:03 ◼   ► from them subsequently how did you

00:42:05 ◼   ► present that was that was that in like

00:42:06 ◼   ► gmail theses to a tree or this is my

00:42:10 ◼   ► internal tribunal just steaming because

00:42:15 ◼   ► i have actually have a sort of have a

00:42:18 ◼   ► legislature in my head and different

00:42:22 ◼   ► characters getting you have a you have a

00:42:25 ◼   ► cognitive deliberative body i have a

00:42:27 ◼   ► deliberative body that's right and and

00:42:29 ◼   ► different personalities get up and make

00:42:30 ◼   ► very impassioned speeches and the other

00:42:34 ◼   ► legislators some of them you know her

00:42:38 ◼   ► mom firm rasberry rhubarb rhubarb and

00:42:43 ◼   ► others you know trying to shut me down i

00:42:45 ◼   ► have a quorum later you can hang on a

00:42:48 ◼   ► second

00:42:48 ◼   ► are you there are you the room or you

00:42:50 ◼   ► the body or you the decision in this

00:42:52 ◼   ► exactly

00:42:54 ◼   ► that's probably it that's part of the

00:42:56 ◼   ► deliberation i am the room i am the body

00:43:00 ◼   ► and i am the decision and that is the

00:43:02 ◼   ► very beginning in the beginning was the

00:43:04 ◼   ► word and the Word was John and then it's

00:43:07 ◼   ► Turtles all the way down ten dollars in

00:43:12 ◼   ► 18-49 the equivalent would be two

00:43:14 ◼   ► hundred and ninety-eight dollars and

00:43:16 ◼   ► twenty-eight cents in today's dollars

00:43:17 ◼   ► that's to sleep on board

00:43:19 ◼   ► well I'm stating some hotels that cost

00:43:22 ◼   ► more than that don't know I little more

00:43:25 ◼   ► little bored and I right never picked

00:43:27 ◼   ► New York City i stayed on somebody

00:43:30 ◼   ► else's dime

00:43:30 ◼   ► i'm happy to say i stayed I we're in

00:43:34 ◼   ► times square because it was near where

00:43:35 ◼   ► we had to do a thing and it was

00:43:37 ◼   ► literally five hundred dollars a night

00:43:39 ◼   ► and they didn't mention that they were

00:43:41 ◼   ► shutting off the water at seven in the

00:43:43 ◼   ► morning i guess i mentioned it was on a

00:43:46 ◼   ► piece of paper somewhere on a desk but

00:43:47 ◼   ► what by the way your five-hundred-dollar

00:43:50 ◼   ► night hotel room will not have water

00:43:52 ◼   ► renovations everything in New York is

00:43:56 ◼   ► constantly being renovated

00:43:57 ◼   ► yeah i mean it's it's like it's like

00:44:01 ◼   ► what you like to paint the Golden Gate

00:44:02 ◼   ► Bridge they're always paying great

00:44:04 ◼   ► brakes are they just going to start over

00:44:05 ◼   ► it's already time to repaint the bridge

00:44:07 ◼   ► yeah it's like you've always been at war

00:44:09 ◼   ► you know what I mean with shanna or

00:44:11 ◼   ► whatever I had one of those in chicago i

00:44:15 ◼   ► stated again not on my dime but a very

00:44:17 ◼   ► nice hotel there on the lake on the gold

00:44:20 ◼   ► coast and at seven o'clock in the

00:44:23 ◼   ► morning i woke up to the sound of some

00:44:26 ◼   ► guys who were standing right outside my

00:44:29 ◼   ► window although it was on the 24th floor

00:44:31 ◼   ► because they were standing on a giant

00:44:34 ◼   ► crane that was at seven o'clock in the

00:44:38 ◼   ► morning proceeding to like swing a

00:44:40 ◼   ► wrecking ball at the building next door

00:44:41 ◼   ► and I felt the same way like this hotel

00:44:45 ◼   ► I mean you could feed a Romanian village

00:44:48 ◼   ► for a year with what this hotel room

00:44:50 ◼   ► costs and and and lice and I feel like

00:44:55 ◼   ► I'm in a 50-gallon drum with bowling

00:44:58 ◼   ► balls going over the Niagara Falls

00:45:00 ◼   ► [Music]

00:45:01 ◼   ► which is which you probably have done at

00:45:06 ◼   ► one point or another I think it's very

00:45:08 ◼   ► frustrating and you know that the way

00:45:09 ◼   ► they try to do this now is they got like

00:45:11 ◼   ► the fakie boutique hotels i blame a lot

00:45:13 ◼   ► of this on the wi like a w I stayed at

00:45:15 ◼   ► the W there in your city

00:45:17 ◼   ► yeah it's a nice place i think though

00:45:20 ◼   ► the whole thing of going in and getting

00:45:21 ◼   ► a urine-soaked oba hotel and then

00:45:23 ◼   ► charging $300 and because you got black

00:45:25 ◼   ► carpeting i don't i don't love this

00:45:27 ◼   ► pattern and I think a lot of people were

00:45:28 ◼   ► doing it more poorly they make the room

00:45:30 ◼   ► smaller and then there's disco all night

00:45:32 ◼   ► all night long there's a disco i stated

00:45:34 ◼   ► place in New York is very costly John

00:45:37 ◼   ► they had a white noise machine built

00:45:39 ◼   ► into the room because so deafening was

00:45:41 ◼   ► the disco i think was like Italian disco

00:45:43 ◼   ► yeah she's worse than regular disco and

00:45:47 ◼   ► just going to stay all night and your

00:45:49 ◼   ► thing is you're basically you're inside

00:45:51 ◼   ► like a big the costly toilet paper tube

00:45:54 ◼   ► it's just I don't know a lot about

00:45:55 ◼   ► physics but the booming of the italian

00:45:58 ◼   ► disco flies up this chimney of pain

00:46:00 ◼   ► you're sleeping you're on the perimeter

00:46:01 ◼   ► of the chimney of paint and it's just

00:46:03 ◼   ► it's coming straight up on my long

00:46:05 ◼   ► yeah it's like trying to sleep in the in

00:46:08 ◼   ► the bathroom of a virgin america flight

00:46:10 ◼   ► that's a nice for the day and nice

00:46:12 ◼   ► flights want to stick the fucking apples

00:46:14 ◼   ► in your ear it's ridiculous

00:46:16 ◼   ► 21 Seattle is nice well that this

00:46:19 ◼   ► boutique hotel thing is sweeping the

00:46:21 ◼   ► nation the ace hotel doesn't love the

00:46:23 ◼   ► ace does it really well have you stayed

00:46:25 ◼   ► at the ACO need to you live there

00:46:27 ◼   ► well I've said all the Aces to you can I

00:46:29 ◼   ► did you compensate the room I was in

00:46:31 ◼   ► that time I did it it was it was a

00:46:33 ◼   ► really in that manager was just the best

00:46:35 ◼   ► yeah place in seattle is forget his name

00:46:38 ◼   ► but he's from enemies from Boston and

00:46:40 ◼   ► he's the best if you ever need to sleep

00:46:42 ◼   ► in seattle and your mom's house is full

00:46:45 ◼   ► go to the ACE i thought i was very

00:46:46 ◼   ► impressed with the ACE I think about

00:46:48 ◼   ► days though is that it is an old

00:46:50 ◼   ► flophouse the walls are little Finn you

00:46:53 ◼   ► can hear people having sex in the room

00:46:55 ◼   ► next door i did i told you this

00:46:58 ◼   ► yeah well no I it's a common experience

00:47:00 ◼   ► a nice place to go have sex like it but

00:47:03 ◼   ► it was like you're in a high school play

00:47:04 ◼   ► and it said now have sex for six hours

00:47:08 ◼   ► it was like it was like two people

00:47:09 ◼   ► yelling realized well than i did like

00:47:12 ◼   ► people yelling for Samuel French think

00:47:14 ◼   ► it's very costly

00:47:15 ◼   ► since and they mostly were just yelling

00:47:16 ◼   ► for a few hours and ladies coming ah ah

00:47:19 ◼   ► she's like she's stuck gets unstuck in a

00:47:21 ◼   ► zipper

00:47:22 ◼   ► yeah then your common thing with young

00:47:24 ◼   ► people i think that they have seen so

00:47:26 ◼   ► much porn

00:47:27 ◼   ► yes but they have no concept of how to

00:47:29 ◼   ► have sex

00:47:30 ◼   ► where they aren't performing for an

00:47:32 ◼   ► invisible camera

00:47:33 ◼   ► oh I i totally agree and you're making

00:47:36 ◼   ► fake noises they're making fake faces

00:47:38 ◼   ► have you ever had well you have been

00:47:40 ◼   ► married for a long time no but I had

00:47:42 ◼   ► I've had had sex twice before I got

00:47:44 ◼   ► married and I may I can remember me more

00:47:47 ◼   ► about it was no but listen here's the

00:47:49 ◼   ► thing you and I were raised properly we

00:47:51 ◼   ► were raised we masturbate in magazines

00:47:53 ◼   ► we understood there was a certain level

00:47:55 ◼   ► of uh artful artifice to this we

00:48:00 ◼   ► understood that you know what I mean no

00:48:02 ◼   ► but you know what sometimes you wash off

00:48:03 ◼   ► the fucking greasepaint you get off the

00:48:05 ◼   ► goddamn stage he just got to just you

00:48:07 ◼   ► just go downtown you get the business

00:48:09 ◼   ► done and then you go to sleep maybe

00:48:12 ◼   ► watch a movie but you know I think I

00:48:14 ◼   ► think these kids they get the porn very

00:48:16 ◼   ► early and plus you got you got you got

00:48:18 ◼   ► christina aguilera it's not just the

00:48:20 ◼   ► kids it's a it's all the people that are

00:48:21 ◼   ► like watching porn compulsively

00:48:23 ◼   ► Christina Aguilera if she's very shiny

00:48:25 ◼   ► and I just pray to God that that's

00:48:27 ◼   ► Purell because I think she's she's

00:48:30 ◼   ► looking like a doorknob

00:48:32 ◼   ► it's a good to do it's douche i don't

00:48:34 ◼   ► think it's due

00:48:35 ◼   ► well it was originally it was do now its

00:48:37 ◼   ► place that's like entertainment bukkake

00:48:39 ◼   ► I don't know what's going on somebody

00:48:40 ◼   ► needs to get a fucking squeegee a hose

00:48:42 ◼   ► on that lady and she's just getting

00:48:43 ◼   ► shinier and shinier and I think that's

00:48:45 ◼   ► what you're facing nowadays you got the

00:48:47 ◼   ► YouTube right you know and then people

00:48:49 ◼   ► just yelling there's a lot of yelling

00:48:51 ◼   ► there's not a face making like I get a

00:48:54 ◼   ► base base when we look up a tab and the

00:48:56 ◼   ► bad bass players making that bass face

00:48:58 ◼   ► and I have guitar face i've been told

00:48:59 ◼   ► that our face you don't have that

00:49:01 ◼   ► there's this there's this sex face that

00:49:03 ◼   ► you see now where people like you know I

00:49:04 ◼   ► work we can be people there you go

00:49:07 ◼   ► what why are you making that face what

00:49:08 ◼   ► do you--what do you see that John was

00:49:10 ◼   ► watching numbers are you on youtube or

00:49:12 ◼   ► where do you see that would be 6a so you

00:49:14 ◼   ► know I and as there's someone who isn't

00:49:16 ◼   ► married i have encountered a no

00:49:20 ◼   ► not-not-not I should tremendous

00:49:22 ◼   ► cross-section of of sex faces but I've

00:49:25 ◼   ► seen I've seen a few secs faces and and

00:49:27 ◼   ► you know it

00:49:28 ◼   ► natural one is one at a certain point in

00:49:31 ◼   ► in the act of sex

00:49:32 ◼   ► one hopes that one loses us the sense of

00:49:36 ◼   ► self-awareness one loses if one is doing

00:49:39 ◼   ► it correctly truly ecstatic state if you

00:49:41 ◼   ► like where you are no longer aware of

00:49:44 ◼   ► how you appear if you can't you're doing

00:49:47 ◼   ► sex recognition sing them you're if

00:49:49 ◼   ► you're mean if you're making intercourse

00:49:51 ◼   ► the correct way I hope you'll agree with

00:49:53 ◼   ► this you should look pretty stupid

00:49:54 ◼   ► you're gonna look stupid

00:49:56 ◼   ► you should both look stupid yeah sure

00:49:58 ◼   ► learn arabic if you don't look stupid

00:50:01 ◼   ► you're doing it wrong yeah you don't

00:50:02 ◼   ► know you're going to look terrible

00:50:04 ◼   ► you're gonna look like somebody like

00:50:06 ◼   ► like somebody just ran you through an

00:50:08 ◼   ► oil pipeline or like i don't know as i

00:50:11 ◼   ► get older more things to me look like

00:50:13 ◼   ► someone trying to have a BM like when

00:50:15 ◼   ► people have intercourse because that's

00:50:17 ◼   ► your benchmark that's your benchmark was

00:50:20 ◼   ► also successful BM you don't get to pick

00:50:22 ◼   ► your problems in life John they pick you

00:50:23 ◼   ► up just like thug life

00:50:25 ◼   ► I assume but here's one thing I've been

00:50:27 ◼   ► doing this sex acts so much it's like

00:50:29 ◼   ► one of my best p.m. i said this recently

00:50:31 ◼   ► on a social media site that I think I

00:50:33 ◼   ► think that's what happens when

00:50:34 ◼   ► especially teenagers in my neighborhood

00:50:36 ◼   ► the matheletes the Chinese rap Chinese

00:50:38 ◼   ► kids been through their teeth

00:50:40 ◼   ► I think the idea of looking tough looks

00:50:41 ◼   ► a lot like they're trying to decide

00:50:42 ◼   ► whether they're having a PM it's not

00:50:44 ◼   ► even a turtle nests are going there

00:50:46 ◼   ► sitting there going I i'm not sure what

00:50:48 ◼   ► this is but this is the way I look and I

00:50:51 ◼   ► tell you know what that is that's the 21

00:50:53 ◼   ► Jump Street gangster face that's like a

00:50:55 ◼   ► twenty-year-old reference John this

00:50:57 ◼   ► isn't an old show is nothing like we're

00:50:59 ◼   ► in college

00:51:00 ◼   ► 21 Jump Street yeah that was that was

00:51:02 ◼   ► the show we're at the time it was

00:51:04 ◼   ► released it was really street or at

00:51:06 ◼   ► least it will pursue it was perceived as

00:51:08 ◼   ► being really street so they swapped out

00:51:10 ◼   ► Johnny Depp for Richard Grieco was at

00:51:12 ◼   ► that show i think Johnny Depp was in it

00:51:14 ◼   ► for the whole time but actually this is

00:51:16 ◼   ► richard grieco is here footless who is

00:51:18 ◼   ► he

00:51:19 ◼   ► I have no idea let's see related James

00:51:21 ◼   ► Franco all those people with ethnic

00:51:23 ◼   ► names I feel like they're all the same

00:51:24 ◼   ► have mixed feelings about James Franco

00:51:26 ◼   ► and very interested in James Franco but

00:51:28 ◼   ► I kind of mixed feelings

00:51:29 ◼   ► he looks to board Frankie spreading

00:51:31 ◼   ► himself a little thin I see him and I

00:51:33 ◼   ► think I look at is a look at his resume

00:51:35 ◼   ► and I go oh right this is the resume

00:51:37 ◼   ► when I was in high school this is the

00:51:38 ◼   ► resume that i thought i would have

00:51:39 ◼   ► like seven Ivy League degrees cooler

00:51:43 ◼   ► painful i'm really pull Ivy League

00:51:46 ◼   ► schools plus he's doing awards shows and

00:51:49 ◼   ► eating his arms in which his arm in the

00:51:51 ◼   ► movie he's his arm he he is on a he's on

00:51:54 ◼   ► a soap opera and people think it's an

00:51:56 ◼   ► art installation he goes to an art

00:51:59 ◼   ► installation people think the sports

00:52:00 ◼   ► opera Rick Springfield did a long time

00:52:02 ◼   ► ago in here but nobody thought he was an

00:52:04 ◼   ► art slice from australia i think Rick

00:52:07 ◼   ► Springfield's I don't have the job to

00:52:09 ◼   ► check that we're going to class dog can

00:52:11 ◼   ► i just say i have not I i can feel like

00:52:14 ◼   ► i can summon James Franco's face and at

00:52:16 ◼   ► least in my head with my filing system i

00:52:18 ◼   ► have its kind of he's a little bit James

00:52:20 ◼   ► Dean via the this murky guy from 91 out

00:52:24 ◼   ► 9125 which was the show which was the

00:52:26 ◼   ► show with trevor rabin that one with the

00:52:30 ◼   ► summer Rae but John Anderson that's 9125

00:52:33 ◼   ► right John Anderson from yes and from

00:52:36 ◼   ► Arabia and that was produced by Trevor

00:52:38 ◼   ► Horn I think not extremely horny don't

00:52:40 ◼   ► you windows the TV show 9125 yes record

00:52:43 ◼   ► that's the Graduate great yes record you

00:52:46 ◼   ► think it's Rachel I don't tell it's like

00:52:49 ◼   ► those Don Henley records I can't

00:52:51 ◼   ► separate them from my teenage its kind

00:52:54 ◼   ► of ways that the Fairlight what are they

00:52:55 ◼   ► using on that a lot of fairlight and it

00:52:58 ◼   ► wasn't like an early their lap top that

00:53:00 ◼   ► they have the stamp you know 60 or side

00:53:03 ◼   ► of the the yeah I don't get yamaha dx7

00:53:07 ◼   ► the Nexus 7 is like paneling in the

00:53:10 ◼   ► eighties basement that cannot be removed

00:53:12 ◼   ► it's all that one stupid what's love got

00:53:15 ◼   ► to do with it like Flutie harmonic

00:53:18 ◼   ► ething yeah it's on everything i was

00:53:21 ◼   ► watching something the other day a

00:53:22 ◼   ► television show maybe or or a movie

00:53:26 ◼   ► probably youtube bloody so much meet you

00:53:28 ◼   ► it was some kind of moving pictures with

00:53:30 ◼   ► sound and and the soundtrack was they

00:53:36 ◼   ► hadn't even if they hadn't even moved to

00:53:38 ◼   ► the faders under dx7 sound wave pattern

00:53:41 ◼   ► had not been altered it was just some

00:53:44 ◼   ► guy playing some chords on a dx7 and I

00:53:47 ◼   ► wanted to I wanted to throw the entire

00:53:49 ◼   ► whatever device that was I was watching

00:53:51 ◼   ► it on even if that was a movie theater I

00:53:53 ◼   ► want to throw it in the ocean right

00:53:55 ◼   ► because it wasn't intended to be funny

00:53:58 ◼   ► it was just like whoever the music

00:54:00 ◼   ► supervisor who whoever the music

00:54:02 ◼   ► supervisor was it was that that person

00:54:05 ◼   ► was related to the director they had to

00:54:07 ◼   ► because there's no other way they could

00:54:08 ◼   ► have gotten that job don't you think

00:54:10 ◼   ► every night every era but it just seems

00:54:13 ◼   ► like there are certain sounds that are

00:54:15 ◼   ► never going to escape that area i would

00:54:17 ◼   ► say in there for at least the

00:54:18 ◼   ► mid-eighties it was the dx7 and the

00:54:21 ◼   ► fucking Phil Collins over gated snares

00:54:24 ◼   ► yeah but i can't i'm not going to go on

00:54:26 ◼   ► record as being against gated snails

00:54:28 ◼   ► come on i lived through those anti gated

00:54:31 ◼   ► snare Wars where every time you walk

00:54:33 ◼   ► into a studio that'd be somebody student

00:54:35 ◼   ► let yall smuggler but it is because

00:54:38 ◼   ► you're friends with chris wallace and he

00:54:39 ◼   ► likes Bowie this is your problem this is

00:54:41 ◼   ► your problem not your problem chris

00:54:43 ◼   ► wallace problem i came of age during

00:54:45 ◼   ► this time when when when when you were

00:54:48 ◼   ► not supposed to use reverb on things

00:54:50 ◼   ► that you are not supposed to get your

00:54:51 ◼   ► snares and and my feeling then as now is

00:54:54 ◼   ► if you do it and it works now we're just

00:54:57 ◼   ► gonna have to agree that you're wrong

00:54:59 ◼   ► what an idea of a copy of David Bowie's

00:55:00 ◼   ► low i heard you heard it right heard

00:55:04 ◼   ► yeah okay now that you're allowed to use

00:55:07 ◼   ► gate that's 1977 and I think a lot of

00:55:10 ◼   ► the wallet I don't let that super

00:55:12 ◼   ► familiar with chris wallace like exact

00:55:14 ◼   ► production things but I think he's an

00:55:15 ◼   ► acolyte or a follower of that like let's

00:55:18 ◼   ► put another mic over here and get it

00:55:20 ◼   ► idea right so you get this weird you get

00:55:22 ◼   ► a day so i think thatís does too but

00:55:24 ◼   ► you get like kind of a snappy echo that

00:55:26 ◼   ► only comes in after a certain amount of

00:55:28 ◼   ► the trigger right so what would use that

00:55:32 ◼   ► but it's not he doesn't overuse and

00:55:34 ◼   ► bearing ok you wasn't Walsman a his

00:55:38 ◼   ► principal is if you have something like

00:55:41 ◼   ► that like a trick you use it once on a

00:55:44 ◼   ► record this is the John Vanderslice

00:55:46 ◼   ► ization of indie rock

00:55:48 ◼   ► well now vanderslice that you point that

00:55:50 ◼   ► you coin that yeah that's it

00:55:52 ◼   ► vanderslice is a different here that's a

00:55:54 ◼   ► different candle wax lander slices then

00:55:56 ◼   ► going to run it

00:55:56 ◼   ► he's gonna he's gonna print it to tape

00:55:58 ◼   ► he's going to hand it to an intern and

00:56:01 ◼   ► he's going to buy that in turn a one-way

00:56:03 ◼   ► ticket to Istanbul

00:56:04 ◼   ► and the kids going to run stamp on it

00:56:07 ◼   ► just stamp on it he's gonna go to his

00:56:08 ◼   ► double and he's gonna you know he's

00:56:10 ◼   ► gonna give it to you had call that

00:56:12 ◼   ► people lay hands on it and then bring it

00:56:14 ◼   ► back and they call it the Turkish stomp

00:56:15 ◼   ► and then you bring it back you run it

00:56:17 ◼   ► through something you get a bit crusher

00:56:18 ◼   ► on it

00:56:19 ◼   ► yeah right breasts are exactly what

00:56:21 ◼   ► you're going through run through the

00:56:22 ◼   ► hands and a rat and then what do i do

00:56:25 ◼   ► then you literally throw it out because

00:56:26 ◼   ► usually it's too much then you realize

00:56:27 ◼   ► that too much

00:56:28 ◼   ► no i did i'm not above that we had a

00:56:31 ◼   ► track on our first record where we had

00:56:32 ◼   ► Scott McCoy from the young fresh fellows

00:56:34 ◼   ► come in and stand in the room we

00:56:36 ◼   ► couldn't think of anything for him to do

00:56:38 ◼   ► to the track because there was there was

00:56:40 ◼   ► too much music under already so we just

00:56:42 ◼   ► put a microphone pointed it at Scott

00:56:44 ◼   ► McCoy and had him stand there for three

00:56:45 ◼   ► minutes and then as we were mixing it we

00:56:49 ◼   ► just brought up the sound of Scotland

00:56:51 ◼   ► boy in the room into the track so he's

00:56:54 ◼   ► on there

00:56:55 ◼   ► let's take it a little more coin in my

00:56:57 ◼   ► headphones it's just the sound of him

00:56:58 ◼   ► perspiring and it's on the track that

00:57:02 ◼   ► must have taken a lot of restraint for

00:57:03 ◼   ► him he seems like an energetic guy

00:57:04 ◼   ► well I think I think he was you know he

00:57:07 ◼   ► was reading or something

00:57:08 ◼   ► their second album didn't you he played

00:57:11 ◼   ► harmonica but you sampled it to do

00:57:12 ◼   ► something weird with didn't separate he

00:57:15 ◼   ► so we're we're running the track by he's

00:57:17 ◼   ► out in the room he has a here's this

00:57:19 ◼   ► boomerang pedal which is a kind of

00:57:21 ◼   ► little sampler looper device her and he

00:57:24 ◼   ► starts playing the harmonica into this

00:57:26 ◼   ► thing he's not paying attention to us at

00:57:29 ◼   ► all

00:57:29 ◼   ► he's listening to the track go by

00:57:31 ◼   ► playing harmonica into this and starts

00:57:33 ◼   ► looping it and then he's playing the

00:57:35 ◼   ► looper and this is not a computer you

00:57:38 ◼   ► know this is like this is a foot pedal

00:57:41 ◼   ► he's playing the his harmonica part and

00:57:44 ◼   ► we just tracked it as he did it I mean

00:57:46 ◼   ► we didn't we didn't do any within monkey

00:57:50 ◼   ► with it at all he just laid that track

00:57:52 ◼   ► down he's an enormously creative

00:57:55 ◼   ► individual that's Brian bridal right

00:57:59 ◼   ► correct

00:58:00 ◼   ► I don't know that song I I yeah but you

00:58:03 ◼   ► know what i like that song still there's

00:58:04 ◼   ► hope we have a young fresh fellows fan

00:58:06 ◼   ► of the massive young freshman you could

00:58:08 ◼   ► be from the Northwest during that era

00:58:10 ◼   ► and not know every one of those that was

00:58:12 ◼   ► a man that one song i can just I can and

00:58:15 ◼   ► do listen to it over and over

00:58:17 ◼   ► have you seen the young fresh fellows

00:58:18 ◼   ► recently first no semicolon I the first

00:58:25 ◼   ► show i saw when i moved to Tallahassee

00:58:27 ◼   ► 1991 was young fresh fellows it was a it

00:58:30 ◼   ► was on the this one's for the ladies i

00:58:32 ◼   ► want to say yeah which is on a belief

00:58:36 ◼   ► well young fresh fellows still are able

00:58:38 ◼   ► to get come together and put on an

00:58:42 ◼   ► amazing rock show i'm gonna be playing a

00:58:43 ◼   ► show with them tomorrow I can guess why

00:58:47 ◼   ► two words it's her

00:58:49 ◼   ► my guess is gonna guess to block that

00:58:53 ◼   ► brings the ruckus he really does but a

00:58:56 ◼   ► general statement she still jumps right

00:58:58 ◼   ► jumps around is amazing they all jump

00:59:00 ◼   ► car and the that they really have it all

00:59:02 ◼   ► but the reason for the show tomorrow is

00:59:06 ◼   ► what there's just one word you need to

00:59:07 ◼   ► say and weekends benefit it is a benefit

00:59:10 ◼   ► but it's a benefit for a good cause but

00:59:14 ◼   ► the second is the second kind of benefit

00:59:15 ◼   ► right it's a benefit for your friend is

00:59:17 ◼   ► that it that's right that's exactly

00:59:18 ◼   ► right it's the good kind of benefit

00:59:20 ◼   ► which is the one where you know the

00:59:21 ◼   ► person and you care about them

00:59:23 ◼   ► you should write about this yeah i wrote

00:59:26 ◼   ► about it i wrote about the wrong kind of

00:59:29 ◼   ► benefit the kind where somebody cold

00:59:31 ◼   ► calls you and says hey I've got a thing

00:59:34 ◼   ► that I've got a I've got an event that i

00:59:36 ◼   ► want you to donate your time and effort

00:59:39 ◼   ► to that will really do nothing for any

00:59:41 ◼   ► problems that we have a friend is he he

00:59:43 ◼   ► suffers from ass polyps we're gonna be

00:59:47 ◼   ► at the crocodile and it would be OH some

00:59:50 ◼   ► you know if you could come in headline

00:59:52 ◼   ► it I got it I got an email from a kid on

00:59:55 ◼   ► facebook the other day who said i'm

00:59:57 ◼   ► putting together some benefit shows to

00:59:59 ◼   ► benefit my

00:59:59 ◼   ► benefit my

01:00:00 ◼   ► a charity and my charity is called

01:00:02 ◼   ► charities for benefits

01:00:06 ◼   ► let's look at the handsy scheme it was

01:00:09 ◼   ► its eye I see this all the time young

01:00:11 ◼   ► people they think oh I want to do

01:00:13 ◼   ► something good I want to help with other

01:00:15 ◼   ► people get a job exactly habitat for

01:00:20 ◼   ► humanity we don't need another we don't

01:00:23 ◼   ► need another charity goes Liz lose the

01:00:25 ◼   ► Hat you know cover the tattoos and

01:00:28 ◼   ► fucking grab a broom yeah good donate

01:00:30 ◼   ► some time you started go what go wash a

01:00:32 ◼   ► car show but please pick up pick up an

01:00:34 ◼   ► old person off the ground these kids are

01:00:36 ◼   ► too important yeah they're all people

01:00:37 ◼   ► lying on the ground what you want to do

01:00:39 ◼   ► it all through the one thing is the book

01:00:40 ◼   ► facebook is not a job it's an election

01:00:42 ◼   ► they do that they're the two they think

01:00:44 ◼   ► they're too fucking important to go work

01:00:46 ◼   ► for somebody else's to way too important

01:00:48 ◼   ► because they have they went to college

01:00:50 ◼   ► for two years and so they're gonna start

01:00:52 ◼   ► a new charity and this new charity is

01:00:54 ◼   ► going to really this is going to be the

01:00:55 ◼   ► thing that really helps people and the

01:00:57 ◼   ► way this charity is going to earn money

01:00:59 ◼   ► is they're going to ask their favorite

01:01:00 ◼   ► bands to play for free and because of

01:01:04 ◼   ► everybody knows that bans make millions

01:01:06 ◼   ► and millions of dollars and so they can

01:01:07 ◼   ► just give it on you so you're gonna have

01:01:09 ◼   ► a show and it's gonna run 1 million

01:01:11 ◼   ► dollars and the band isn't going to miss

01:01:14 ◼   ► it because they'll just go play another

01:01:15 ◼   ► show and make another million any idea

01:01:17 ◼   ► what kind of exposure you get out of

01:01:18 ◼   ► something like that you get a lot of

01:01:19 ◼   ► exposure lot of exposure you know the

01:01:21 ◼   ► payment is the exposure the rest is just

01:01:25 ◼   ► gravy

01:01:25 ◼   ► because you loved to play music that's

01:01:27 ◼   ► why it's you should you get to do that a

01:01:29 ◼   ► lot of people don't get to do that

01:01:30 ◼   ► because they have a job but this is also

01:01:32 ◼   ► this is the kind of this is very much

01:01:34 ◼   ► the the sex face hat types they wanted

01:01:38 ◼   ► they just think they can they can sit

01:01:39 ◼   ► around with their with the facebook and

01:01:40 ◼   ► go make up a charity and a hard-working

01:01:43 ◼   ► man like you a man from Alaska and

01:01:45 ◼   ► Washington is going to show up

01:01:47 ◼   ► I just want my hammer yeah so right oh

01:01:50 ◼   ► yeah I'm sawing hammering sawing a

01:01:51 ◼   ► hatchet in fact i wanna catch it but

01:01:54 ◼   ► fell off a ladder and hit me on the head

01:01:55 ◼   ► but I don't want to recapitulate now I

01:01:57 ◼   ► angry tirades against the young asshat

01:02:01 ◼   ► say we're gonna need a lot of Z if we

01:02:03 ◼   ► keep doing this we're going to need to

01:02:04 ◼   ► probably come back around to that at

01:02:05 ◼   ► some point well I'm glad that you're

01:02:07 ◼   ► taking notes in advance because I mean

01:02:09 ◼   ► at first I thought that was going to

01:02:10 ◼   ► inhibit us

01:02:12 ◼   ► I would never do anything knowledgeably

01:02:14 ◼   ► knowingly to to inhibit us but I'm not

01:02:17 ◼   ► you like to make notes I has already has

01:02:22 ◼   ► an index cards i have something but

01:02:23 ◼   ► here's the problem John this is the

01:02:26 ◼   ► problem and I you know I do the the

01:02:29 ◼   ► stuff they talk about things and like

01:02:31 ◼   ► this is the problem people say to me oh

01:02:33 ◼   ► you're being fancy you're being fancy by

01:02:35 ◼   ► wanting to know why I want to have an

01:02:37 ◼   ► hour and a half long meeting with you

01:02:38 ◼   ► can't we just schedule a phone call and

01:02:41 ◼   ► it could be what we're going to talk

01:02:43 ◼   ► about life and it could be i'm just

01:02:44 ◼   ► gonna fart it could just be your you

01:02:46 ◼   ► know I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna pitch

01:02:48 ◼   ► you about my new my new enterprise

01:02:50 ◼   ► solution it's like you know what fucking

01:02:52 ◼   ► write down what you want you want an

01:02:53 ◼   ► hour and a half of my life like write

01:02:56 ◼   ► down what you want to talk about is that

01:02:57 ◼   ► so complicated

01:02:58 ◼   ► yeah and here's the problem is that does

01:03:01 ◼   ► not make me fancy it makes you stupid

01:03:02 ◼   ► right

01:03:04 ◼   ► not me but you know no no I'm clearly

01:03:06 ◼   ► the other people that's the problem and

01:03:08 ◼   ► that's the real problem that's the

01:03:09 ◼   ► problem that's this is literally the ad

01:03:12 ◼   ► at behind the mountain the bigger

01:03:13 ◼   ► problem the era can't see cause he's

01:03:14 ◼   ► fucking around with scorpions and a

01:03:16 ◼   ► flashlight

01:03:16 ◼   ► my concern is that i'm not being fancy

01:03:19 ◼   ► you are you are not taking it seriously

01:03:21 ◼   ► if you if you not being you being every

01:03:23 ◼   ► literally everyone else if you are if

01:03:25 ◼   ► you are that upset about me wanting to

01:03:27 ◼   ► know why you want a fucking hour and a

01:03:29 ◼   ► half of my time

01:03:30 ◼   ► the problem is you my friend you need to

01:03:32 ◼   ► think about your priorities if you like

01:03:34 ◼   ► you need to think about that because if

01:03:35 ◼   ► you're not taking that time seriously

01:03:36 ◼   ► why would anyone else and I think that's

01:03:38 ◼   ► the problem

01:03:39 ◼   ► your move and you do this for a living

01:03:41 ◼   ► you know you're not do this you don't

01:03:42 ◼   ► you don't get late anymore look at you

01:03:44 ◼   ► I know right this is not what you do and

01:03:46 ◼   ► if you're gonna play a show Brando

01:03:47 ◼   ► that's not even with a chair which era

01:03:51 ◼   ► like the apocalypse now Marlon Brando

01:03:53 ◼   ► Martin Brando all right he's learning a

01:03:56 ◼   ► heart attack in a partner now got

01:03:57 ◼   ► different guy

01:03:58 ◼   ► um I want to come back to this one

01:04:00 ◼   ► company you taught me what you had most

01:04:02 ◼   ► of what passes as as corporate business

01:04:06 ◼   ► time most of what is happening in

01:04:08 ◼   ► business is people just improvising ways

01:04:12 ◼   ► to kill hours of the day between when

01:04:15 ◼   ► they have to be at work and when they

01:04:16 ◼   ► get to go home and so they only have an

01:04:20 ◼   ► hour and a half for the work to do but

01:04:22 ◼   ► they have to go to court work work work

01:04:25 ◼   ► so sick

01:04:25 ◼   ► and a half hours of the day they're

01:04:27 ◼   ► sending e-mails back and forth to each

01:04:29 ◼   ► other and having meetings with each

01:04:31 ◼   ► other and walking from cubicle to

01:04:33 ◼   ► cubicle generating you know kinetic

01:04:36 ◼   ► energy generating static electricity

01:04:39 ◼   ► basically as a way of you know of

01:04:42 ◼   ► looking like it's looking like they're

01:04:44 ◼   ► working and you if you're going to

01:04:47 ◼   ► generate six hours of static electricity

01:04:49 ◼   ► it's going to be because you are because

01:04:52 ◼   ► you're humping your couch or whatever

01:04:53 ◼   ► like me I don't wanna environment as if

01:04:55 ◼   ► I'm gonna be I'm gonna spend that six

01:04:57 ◼   ► hours i want to spend in the bathtub i

01:04:59 ◼   ► don't want to spend it sitting leaving

01:05:01 ◼   ► on a water cooler but the problem is now

01:05:03 ◼   ► you're the dick riding the dick when

01:05:05 ◼   ► somebody says we're the dick and this is

01:05:07 ◼   ► the problem is that somebody comes to

01:05:09 ◼   ► you and out of nowhere you know they

01:05:11 ◼   ► just I it's not a problem like I'm sure

01:05:14 ◼   ► you play benefits for things you care

01:05:15 ◼   ► about like when your pals house burns

01:05:17 ◼   ► down or whatever you go happily play a

01:05:18 ◼   ► benefit because the benefit tomorrow but

01:05:20 ◼   ► somebody thinks it through they do a

01:05:22 ◼   ► thing and they say here's the thing you

01:05:23 ◼   ► know that one guy he's got a problem

01:05:24 ◼   ► with complaints benefit I think it's a

01:05:26 ◼   ► very long way from a guy with a hat and

01:05:28 ◼   ► figured out how to get something on

01:05:29 ◼   ► facebook and now that's a charity

01:05:31 ◼   ► somehow I think that's automatic I think

01:05:33 ◼   ► there should be a way to vet this and I

01:05:35 ◼   ► i think that the the last thing they

01:05:36 ◼   ► need is to have some kind of charity

01:05:37 ◼   ► about their charity and you know really

01:05:39 ◼   ► you know now and half a very long time

01:05:41 ◼   ► for a phone call any oil in any case but

01:05:44 ◼   ► this is the way these people work this

01:05:45 ◼   ► is that sa somebody wrote a few years

01:05:47 ◼   ► ago that was interesting about the

01:05:48 ◼   ► difference between like you know the

01:05:49 ◼   ► hammer swing and developers and the

01:05:51 ◼   ► managers the managers are used to slice

01:05:54 ◼   ► on their day in into one hour blocks of

01:05:56 ◼   ► literal bullshit figuratively literal

01:05:59 ◼   ► bullshit

01:06:00 ◼   ► whereas forgot lakhs of bullshit hmmm I

01:06:03 ◼   ► uh huh that's why I that's why I left

01:06:05 ◼   ► Oklahoma and never went back

01:06:07 ◼   ► that's right oh if you've ever been a

01:06:09 ◼   ► little bullshit farmer you know that

01:06:11 ◼   ► those days are hard time here the Dust

01:06:13 ◼   ► Bowl was very hard on that I think Simon

01:06:15 ◼   ► a book about that the shutters you get

01:06:18 ◼   ► the ship cutters blockers but anyway but

01:06:20 ◼   ► every time somebody cut the block of

01:06:22 ◼   ► shit i'll be there and every time i was

01:06:25 ◼   ► looking up but i was looking up

01:06:27 ◼   ► bismarck

01:06:28 ◼   ► the city or the guy know the former but

01:06:31 ◼   ► the Chancellor of Germany who and I put

01:06:35 ◼   ► Bismarck into into google who the first

01:06:41 ◼   ► name that came up was biz markie that's

01:06:45 ◼   ► a twenty-year-old failure and a lot of

01:06:47 ◼   ► levels John I don't know what to do

01:06:50 ◼   ► nobody cares about Bismarck anymore I

01:06:52 ◼   ► want to come back the hats i wanna come

01:06:53 ◼   ► back tattoos i have five added invented

01:06:55 ◼   ► girls to the list

01:06:57 ◼   ► just look at women and girls we should

01:06:59 ◼   ► do a whole thing on girls want to talk

01:07:00 ◼   ► more about the ghouls and so what I'll

01:07:04 ◼   ► do is I will capture all of this and and

01:07:06 ◼   ► share with you i guess i could tell exit

01:07:09 ◼   ► or something so you can look at our God

01:07:11 ◼   ► week John 10 but advanced ok juggalos

01:07:15 ◼   ► and Angelina Jolie was just you know you

01:07:17 ◼   ► just as the moment as a mom strategy

01:07:19 ◼   ► because I'm sure between now and the

01:07:20 ◼   ► next time we talk you're gonna have

01:07:21 ◼   ► another three by five card fill up with

01:07:23 ◼   ► ideas I juggling knows he's crazy and

01:07:26 ◼   ► that's kind of his deal

01:07:28 ◼   ► I don't think Angelina Jolie really

01:07:29 ◼   ► knows that she's crazy she has to feel

01:07:33 ◼   ► like I'm what level I gotta go haha I'm

01:07:35 ◼   ► silly I'm gonna sing karaoke level or

01:07:37 ◼   ► like like I'm going to keep human blood

01:07:38 ◼   ► in a necklace level

01:07:41 ◼   ► oh yeah I think Angelina Jolie has to

01:07:43 ◼   ► live in one live in one of the craziest

01:07:46 ◼   ► bubbles in the universe and inside the

01:07:50 ◼   ► bubble it's what makes it crazy is that

01:07:53 ◼   ► it's relentlessly saying is a follow me

01:07:55 ◼   ► it's a bombing fucking 72 degrees we

01:07:57 ◼   ► just you just pick up kids like like

01:08:00 ◼   ► like free free newspapers you just get

01:08:02 ◼   ► them you collect them yet

01:08:05 ◼   ► it's gonna be a weird bubble no I but

01:08:06 ◼   ► she's in there she's in there buttering

01:08:08 ◼   ► toast

01:08:09 ◼   ► she's in there with some lightly melted

01:08:11 ◼   ► butter she's just buttering perfectly

01:08:13 ◼   ► toasted bread thinking this is all

01:08:15 ◼   ► totally normal do to do to do i am a

01:08:18 ◼   ► normal person i would if i could find

01:08:20 ◼   ► out not a creepy way but i would find

01:08:22 ◼   ► out where she lives and go nowhere near

01:08:24 ◼   ► whatever playground she has access to

01:08:25 ◼   ► because i think it's probably disappear

01:08:27 ◼   ► I don't think she can control it anymore

01:08:28 ◼   ► i think it I think it's like it's like

01:08:30 ◼   ► it's like shoplifting or getting a

01:08:32 ◼   ► tattoo which he has many of you can't

01:08:35 ◼   ► you can't control anymore

01:08:36 ◼   ► this is the thing when you have

01:08:37 ◼   ► unlimited money and unlimited power

01:08:40 ◼   ► like how that manifests itself whoo-hoo

01:08:43 ◼   ► if my feeling is that if you use

01:08:46 ◼   ► unlimited money and unlimited power and

01:08:48 ◼   ► your and your instinct is to help kids

01:08:52 ◼   ► you are a creep you know what I mean

01:08:55 ◼   ► like that's creepy not really

01:08:57 ◼   ► how would you know what will be a better

01:08:59 ◼   ► use of that something work myself

01:09:01 ◼   ► involved

01:09:02 ◼   ► absolutely you should be living in a

01:09:04 ◼   ► castle and you should have a place

01:09:07 ◼   ► Rocking boys peeling grapes for you or

01:09:10 ◼   ► like it lasers and elevators large tvs

01:09:13 ◼   ► you should be like a mad scientist and a

01:09:15 ◼   ► Jonathan Coulton song who you should not

01:09:18 ◼   ► be any metaphorical no literally

01:09:21 ◼   ► ok you should live in a jonathan coulton

01:09:23 ◼   ► song you should not be living in an

01:09:25 ◼   ► upper west side apartment who and have

01:09:28 ◼   ► and be married to Woody Allen and I

01:09:30 ◼   ► walking around with this roller walk

01:09:31 ◼   ► around the stroller and coffee and act

01:09:33 ◼   ► like that's fucking normal

01:09:34 ◼   ► it's not normal but it's not normal and

01:09:36 ◼   ► that doesn't even make sense if you had

01:09:37 ◼   ► that kind of dough and you were not

01:09:38 ◼   ► spending it on something completely

01:09:40 ◼   ► insane that is a form of insanity

01:09:43 ◼   ► you should have a Maserati with white

01:09:45 ◼   ► leather carpet white leather floors are

01:09:48 ◼   ► you boy

01:09:49 ◼   ► wait white leather carpeting Cena that

01:09:52 ◼   ► you know what right there this is why

01:09:54 ◼   ► there should be a charity for you

01:09:55 ◼   ► somebody you know what get halfway to go

01:09:57 ◼   ► start a charity for you because I think

01:09:59 ◼   ► if you're if you're functioning on a

01:10:01 ◼   ► level and i have to say this is a very

01:10:02 ◼   ► different level than a lot of people are

01:10:04 ◼   ► functioning on laterally and and

01:10:06 ◼   ► hierarchically if you can come up with

01:10:07 ◼   ► something like white leather carpeting

01:10:09 ◼   ► there's no fucking reason that you

01:10:10 ◼   ► should be living in that farmhouse here

01:10:12 ◼   ► and you should be somewhere you should

01:10:14 ◼   ► be somewhere much more interesting and

01:10:15 ◼   ► potentially terrifying think about if

01:10:17 ◼   ► James Franco and I switched places and I

01:10:20 ◼   ► what I had James Franco's power i had

01:10:24 ◼   ► his is like our credibility and his his

01:10:28 ◼   ► ability to walk into a room blase and

01:10:31 ◼   ► stoned and had everybody in the room

01:10:33 ◼   ► think that he's the coolest permanent

01:10:35 ◼   ► permanent sex face if I had permanent

01:10:37 ◼   ► sex phase and was livings and was like

01:10:40 ◼   ► commuting between New Haven and New York

01:10:44 ◼   ► City and LA and fucking budapest or

01:10:47 ◼   ► whatever james franco is doing this week

01:10:49 ◼   ► if I had that power you think I wouldn't

01:10:51 ◼   ► have

01:10:52 ◼   ► leather carpet I'm talking would and you

01:10:55 ◼   ► know he's probably living in a loft

01:10:56 ◼   ► space where he had some some friend of

01:11:00 ◼   ► his cum spray paint a mural you know

01:11:04 ◼   ► sprinting a mural that has like that has

01:11:08 ◼   ► a six in it or something and and and

01:11:12 ◼   ► he's like a wedgie

01:11:14 ◼   ► well you know he's got a refrigerator

01:11:16 ◼   ► and all that's in there is Cristal

01:11:17 ◼   ► champagne and pabst blue ribbon he could

01:11:20 ◼   ► have white leather carpet person is not

01:11:23 ◼   ► even a question about it

01:11:24 ◼   ► the thing is that i want to be up i want

01:11:25 ◼   ► to go to a much higher level than that i

01:11:27 ◼   ► would love to get to the white leather

01:11:29 ◼   ► carpeting level and if I did I i would

01:11:31 ◼   ► be an unholy combination of like Robert

01:11:35 ◼   ► Evans and cthulhu I would be I would be

01:11:39 ◼   ► causing so many problems for so many

01:11:40 ◼   ► people

01:11:41 ◼   ► the line between Robert Evans and

01:11:42 ◼   ► Cthulhu is not really that dick I think

01:11:45 ◼   ► Robert Evans has more phones parties

01:11:49 ◼   ► always on the phone

01:11:50 ◼   ► oh my god that would be so that you just

01:11:52 ◼   ► you just you just gave me a vision in my

01:11:54 ◼   ► horrific mythical character with white

01:11:56 ◼   ► leather carpeting one another car for

01:11:58 ◼   ► you bet your ass is and 30 phones on the

01:12:02 ◼   ► desk

01:12:02 ◼   ► 30 phones all of them just ringing all

01:12:05 ◼   ► the time program to rain

01:12:06 ◼   ► they're not even phone calls no just

01:12:08 ◼   ► this is it's like that it's like that

01:12:10 ◼   ► scene in Boogie Nights where the where

01:12:11 ◼   ► the kids throwing firecrackers huh in

01:12:14 ◼   ► now exhale god I love that scene and

01:12:16 ◼   ► shipped all over my house

01:12:17 ◼   ► they're just old fashioned phone's

01:12:19 ◼   ► constantly ringing everybody knows

01:12:21 ◼   ► there's nobody there and not not ringing

01:12:24 ◼   ► like ring ring ring but like a ringing

01:12:27 ◼   ► randomly random pattern somewhere in

01:12:30 ◼   ► your head even though he has literally

01:12:32 ◼   ► been dead for years you're thinking it

01:12:33 ◼   ► could be charlie bit hard it's maybe him

01:12:37 ◼   ► pick-up-the-phone forgot to pick up the

01:12:39 ◼   ► phone was Frank Sinatra fan of me he was

01:12:43 ◼   ► not all right I want to come back to the

01:12:46 ◼   ► jugglers and Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra

01:12:50 ◼   ► is not drawn this very bar took a shit

01:12:53 ◼   ► on my wife's chest and it was a fucking

01:12:56 ◼   ► honor take a shit right now if you have

01:12:59 ◼   ► not had taken a shit on Ali McGraw

01:13:00 ◼   ► you're not

01:13:01 ◼   ► lived she's the most beautiful woman

01:13:03 ◼   ► I've ever met Charlie bhutan I gotta go

01:13:07 ◼   ► we gotta go we gotta get this angelina

01:13:09 ◼   ► jolie thing figured out and I week at

01:13:13 ◼   ► for a variety of reasons we have to come

01:13:15 ◼   ► back to tattoos but we should we should

01:13:16 ◼   ► follow up on that later now that can't

01:13:17 ◼   ► be a running the country right now jesus

01:13:19 ◼   ► fucking christ the chili we gotta get

01:13:21 ◼   ► this here's my problem i have i have six

01:13:24 ◼   ► different kinds of canned chili

01:13:26 ◼   ► downstairs and I don't want any of

01:13:27 ◼   ► transporting Travis more senior chili

01:13:29 ◼   ► one-time charges more as it tried to eat

01:13:31 ◼   ► my chili and I stood a thwart his i

01:13:35 ◼   ► stood i stood for the pantry door and

01:13:38 ◼   ► said stop who

01:13:40 ◼   ► but his band of his band of as burgers

01:13:44 ◼   ► in Iraq ding-dongs ended up doing an end

01:13:48 ◼   ► run and ate all my pasta

01:13:51 ◼   ► here's here's a loser here's your new

01:13:52 ◼   ► dismemberment plan he touched my fucking

01:13:54 ◼   ► chill you lose a hand that's you need to

01:13:56 ◼   ► send dismemberment plan

01:13:58 ◼   ► yeah i hear the problem with the get

01:14:00 ◼   ► canned chili

01:14:01 ◼   ► ok it's like hormel or do you get like

01:14:03 ◼   ► Arsenal silly from i'm always trying to

01:14:04 ◼   ► find the perfect and chili I realize you

01:14:06 ◼   ► can't put chili in a can

01:14:08 ◼   ► I mean you can who but but that's not

01:14:11 ◼   ► the chili than I want I want I want I

01:14:14 ◼   ► want super good homemade chili who

01:14:17 ◼   ► because they're too many things that can

01:14:18 ◼   ► go wrong between a cow in a field and a

01:14:22 ◼   ► can of chili and we're not getting where

01:14:24 ◼   ► to begin

01:14:25 ◼   ► like here's a counter field he's eating

01:14:27 ◼   ► grass sunny day and then there's

01:14:30 ◼   ► something happens a lot of those beans

01:14:32 ◼   ► are not getting treated like the Hope

01:14:33 ◼   ► Diamond either i would not cry might be

01:14:35 ◼   ► a I'm a beam i'm on a bean plant i'm in

01:14:38 ◼   ► the infield it's sunny day and then

01:14:40 ◼   ► something happens and boom I'm in a can

01:14:43 ◼   ► of chili whatever that something is in

01:14:46 ◼   ► between its I can't be good and you know

01:14:51 ◼   ► I i like to eat cows who but i don't i

01:14:54 ◼   ► want to eat a cow that was having a nice

01:14:56 ◼   ► day and then somebody was like hey Cal

01:14:58 ◼   ► come here

01:14:59 ◼   ► hey buddy come here I want to show you

01:15:01 ◼   ► something and then I was the last thing

01:15:03 ◼   ► the cow ever saw and then those people

01:15:06 ◼   ► were like oh this cow he gave his life

01:15:09 ◼   ► for this meat and we should cherish it

01:15:11 ◼   ► we should we should treat it like a like

01:15:14 ◼   ► the sacrament that

01:15:15 ◼   ► it is and put it into this handcrafted

01:15:18 ◼   ► chili over that is so sacred and

01:15:23 ◼   ► delicious that the cow is proud to have

01:15:25 ◼   ► been a part of this chilly in retrospect

01:15:27 ◼   ► a day for Cal could

01:15:29 ◼   ► if the cow could see this chilly this

01:15:32 ◼   ► cow the cow would have been proud but I

01:15:34 ◼   ► don't think that's what happens i think