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Roderick on the Line

Ep. 34: "A Shit Barge Full of Long Pigs"

 

00:00:00   who is it who is me guess what I got [TS]

00:00:10   what do you got [TS]

00:00:12   I have now ya got worse by Bell remove [TS]

00:00:18   my bow I don't have a bell i gotta go to [TS]

00:00:20   keep it special [TS]

00:00:21   I'm gonna like it too much but tues I'm [TS]

00:00:24   here it's hard it's really hard to [TS]

00:00:25   explain was extremely hard to explain to [TS]

00:00:27   my daughter but I i just had to say well [TS]

00:00:29   you know honey there's just sometimes [TS]

00:00:31   i'm talking on the internet i really [TS]

00:00:32   want to hit a fucking Val I didn't see I [TS]

00:00:33   didn't say those words but I said in [TS]

00:00:37   that more kind of like really ridiculous [TS]

00:00:38   way you talk to a child that John I I [TS]

00:00:41   you know I I've been cynical about your [TS]

00:00:43   candles and bells but sometimes you just [TS]

00:00:45   need to hit a goddamn Bell am i right am [TS]

00:00:47   i right [TS]

00:00:47   I you know I had no idea it's like I [TS]

00:00:49   have a microwave you sit around go [TS]

00:00:51   through way why would you want a way to [TS]

00:00:54   make soup faster then you go and watch [TS]

00:00:56   TV [TS]

00:00:56   no sorry just something I need to order [TS]

00:00:58   coffee maker to understand [TS]

00:01:00   yeah and then you get a bell next to [TS]

00:01:02   your computer couple times a day you [TS]

00:01:05   punctuate even some triumph with it will [TS]

00:01:10   try for the lowercase T ya know you [TS]

00:01:13   don't punctuated a band the band other [TS]

00:01:16   motorcycle or the car you punctuate you [TS]

00:01:19   punctuate a lowercase T triumph with a [TS]

00:01:21   little the little sound you know [TS]

00:01:23   actually I don't derail this but I i [TS]

00:01:25   actually i think i'm going to start a [TS]

00:01:26   new stack which is going to be the [TS]

00:01:28   things we don't talk about other things [TS]

00:01:30   that we're going to circle back to do [TS]

00:01:32   well gosh no that's a really big pilot [TS]

00:01:34   you know i have actually an entire I [TS]

00:01:35   don't smoke but i have an entire cigar [TS]

00:01:36   box full of cards just from the show [TS]

00:01:38   that i would be happy to go through with [TS]

00:01:40   you at some point but now I think [TS]

00:01:41   triumph is something like kiss is [TS]

00:01:44   something to avoid right triumph the [TS]

00:01:46   insult comic dog right now that's funny [TS]

00:01:49   and that is why you don't think there's [TS]

00:01:50   a gateway drug you know how you use [TS]

00:01:52   experimented with man loved in the past [TS]

00:01:54   I think my experiment that I never [TS]

00:01:56   realized that I was an outing myself was [TS]

00:01:58   what i want to make a little giggle I'm [TS]

00:02:00   and make an unconscious little giggle I [TS]

00:02:01   make a he sound and I realized that [TS]

00:02:04   that's exactly when I found myself doing [TS]

00:02:05   stuff like this and like hitting a [TS]

00:02:07   coffee cup with a pencil it's a nice [TS]

00:02:09   pencil but that's just not the same as [TS]

00:02:12   no how low let me welcome you have [TS]

00:02:15   arrived this just got where it needs to [TS]

00:02:17   be now does that mean that you're not [TS]

00:02:18   gonna giggle anymore he know haha I'm in [TS]

00:02:23   a good mood I just ABR really really [TS]

00:02:25   fast [TS]

00:02:26   well yeah I have I you know I have eaten [TS]

00:02:28   my usual breakfast of two chocolate chip [TS]

00:02:30   cookies and a half a cup of coffee cake [TS]

00:02:32   cookies [TS]

00:02:33   no not big ones normal normal cookie [TS]

00:02:36   sighs cookies now it's normal for you [TS]

00:02:38   well let's see above other prominent [TS]

00:02:41   Megan could get some proper cookie a [TS]

00:02:44   proper cookie I think should be the size [TS]

00:02:47   of a dollar pancake [TS]

00:02:50   oh I would say that is that is a 1x [TS]

00:02:52   standard size could you talk about a [TS]

00:02:54   little bigger than the chips ahoy [TS]

00:02:56   well no chips ahoy is it all smiles on I [TS]

00:03:00   I and it's terrible and Chips Ahoy is [TS]

00:03:03   like the size of a of John Lennon's [TS]

00:03:04   eyeglasses limbs talk about like the air [TS]

00:03:08   like 6666 friends and you know I hate to [TS]

00:03:12   admit that I had these but you know [TS]

00:03:14   sometimes when you're traveling and get [TS]

00:03:15   out of machines which is the worst I'll [TS]

00:03:18   find myself as it was when as you do you [TS]

00:03:20   find yourself eating cookies out of the [TS]

00:03:22   machine I'm always like what like you're [TS]

00:03:24   so I'm going to shotgun Shack yeah you [TS]

00:03:26   find yourself living and did you speak [TS]

00:03:28   it at Talking Heads joke [TS]

00:03:30   I'm afraid so my other program had a [TS]

00:03:31   reference to that this is getting really [TS]

00:03:33   weird i'm not going to hit the Bell [TS]

00:03:35   I don't want to talk about your other [TS]

00:03:36   program you know you need is [TS]

00:03:37   productivity let's let's circle your [TS]

00:03:39   problems your problems your productivity [TS]

00:03:40   don't you doing what you love my problem [TS]

00:03:43   my problem is my productivity / no [TS]

00:03:47   semicolon i'm not doing what I love [TS]

00:03:50   that's your problem [TS]

00:03:51   that's not a problem that you remember [TS]

00:03:52   over the colors cookie crunch and it was [TS]

00:03:55   building i like to think of it is at [TS]

00:03:56   least during my awareness of the [TS]

00:03:58   phenomenon [TS]

00:03:59   I i like to think that is the apex of of [TS]

00:04:02   what i will call really cereal [TS]

00:04:05   oh my god my cereal was cocoa pebbles [TS]

00:04:09   oh my god those work those were store so [TS]

00:04:13   many cocoa pebbles you can fit in a bowl [TS]

00:04:16   oh great if you're doing even even if [TS]

00:04:18   you were doing a captain captain crunch [TS]

00:04:20   you know that's they're still there's a [TS]

00:04:22   lot of holes in the character that's [TS]

00:04:23   exactly right but but but [TS]

00:04:26   butBut cocoa puffs it was like chunks of [TS]

00:04:28   sugar and salt cocoa puffs [TS]

00:04:30   yeah was not myself a lot of times [TS]

00:04:32   people would get cocoa puffs yes [TS]

00:04:34   like if I was staying over at a friend's [TS]

00:04:35   house whatever they're like what kind of [TS]

00:04:36   cereal do you want i'm like cocoa [TS]

00:04:37   pebbles and then right that's like [TS]

00:04:39   asking somebody for a dr. pepper and [TS]

00:04:41   they give you like a sergeant human you [TS]

00:04:44   know you from further argument from the [TS]

00:04:45   cash-and-carry those are the worst but [TS]

00:04:48   yeah so then I then they'd be cooking [TS]

00:04:50   puffs and they're like I got you what [TS]

00:04:51   you wanted i'm like that's a cocoa puffs [TS]

00:04:53   that's not a co powerful that it you [TS]

00:04:55   know it is like chunks of sugar and it's [TS]

00:04:57   a gravy train remember that for dogs we [TS]

00:04:59   pour hot water on it makes great for [TS]

00:05:01   your dog to drop the milk chocolate milk [TS]

00:05:03   and cocoa pebbles first of all it had [TS]

00:05:07   been on the box was banned and flan [TS]

00:05:11   Flintstones love damn but it was just [TS]

00:05:13   but it was just basically a bit puffed [TS]

00:05:15   rice soaked in chocolate until it could [TS]

00:05:17   hold no more chocolate [TS]

00:05:19   oh my god I now that i'm talking about [TS]

00:05:21   it you know they don't make it anymore i [TS]

00:05:23   never see it [TS]

00:05:24   are you kidding me what is it because of [TS]

00:05:27   the decline of the flintstones or is it [TS]

00:05:29   the sugar issue must be that's enough to [TS]

00:05:31   god that's a goddamn shame I i hate when [TS]

00:05:33   breakfast foods go away it makes me so [TS]

00:05:34   angry [TS]

00:05:35   you wanna know the weirdest thing yeah [TS]

00:05:37   this is the third Flintstones reference [TS]

00:05:39   in the last 24 hours in your life [TS]

00:05:42   yeah and the first two Flintstones [TS]

00:05:44   references were both references to and [TS]

00:05:47   Margaret's character [TS]

00:05:49   o Muslims why did you say that you know [TS]

00:05:51   what I'm saying what her head was so big [TS]

00:05:54   oh and we have better hair here our you [TS]

00:05:56   know her hair was the biggest of all [TS]

00:05:59   hair it was the large and Margaret in [TS]

00:06:01   the late seventies early eighties there [TS]

00:06:02   was there was no bigger hair not god i [TS]

00:06:05   want to get lost i want to lose my [TS]

00:06:07   compass and fucking get lost in that [TS]

00:06:09   hair and you can get you know hardly to [TS]

00:06:11   get your hand out of that hair [TS]

00:06:12   I don't pick haha i'm with you if you [TS]

00:06:16   really feel kind of lost yourself for a [TS]

00:06:18   minute and you really got in there you [TS]

00:06:20   would have to chew your arm off but you [TS]

00:06:21   wouldn't chew your arm off because she [TS]

00:06:22   probably had a gig but oh my god and [TS]

00:06:25   Margaret and market that opening I've [TS]

00:06:27   never seen bye birdie but I've watched [TS]

00:06:28   the opening credit thing out a lot [TS]

00:06:33   well and Margaret him in Tommy oh yeah [TS]

00:06:37   perhaps the hardest of all things out [TS]

00:06:38   right okay i'll check [TS]

00:06:39   out yeah i was gonna watch tommy [TS]

00:06:41   recently now I i was as you know like I [TS]

00:06:45   think like you [TS]

00:06:46   yes I know like you I had a weird phase [TS]

00:06:50   and 10th grade when I was really [TS]

00:06:52   transitioning and like a lot of very [TS]

00:06:54   very different [TS]

00:06:56   well bye-bye white middle-class suburban [TS]

00:06:58   standards really really different weird [TS]

00:07:00   rock music I mean I like black sabbath [TS]

00:07:02   and the who and I was starting to get [TS]

00:07:05   into like the thick sliced i really like [TS]

00:07:07   the starting to like get a new wave and [TS]

00:07:09   split the fix was amazing [TS]

00:07:11   they were at their underrated that is [TS]

00:07:12   underrated as missing persons but [TS]

00:07:14   definitely up there mm agree on but i [TS]

00:07:16   was so my friends and I used to wear [TS]

00:07:18   knee pads to school so that we could [TS]

00:07:20   slide slide down the hallways on our [TS]

00:07:22   knees like three times and you're just [TS]

00:07:24   loving softballs at me is that what they [TS]

00:07:26   are haha i had a members-only jacket [TS]

00:07:31   right I'm done [TS]

00:07:32   epaulettes because I once seen a picture [TS]

00:07:34   of an epaulette unattached details about [TS]

00:07:37   you i'm back then that's when you still [TS]

00:07:38   trying to make his hair do something [TS]

00:07:39   with the fingers of be towns in the [TS]

00:07:42   eighties was like 35 he's still like all [TS]

00:07:45   the young guys still trying to like get [TS]

00:07:48   hit with the times he'll it was like [TS]

00:07:50   somebody shot a very young marmot out of [TS]

00:07:52   a cannon and it happened to land on his [TS]

00:07:54   head me play guitar [TS]

00:07:55   yeah yeah it was sort of a flock of [TS]

00:07:57   seagulls but Punk turn your you know I [TS]

00:08:00   think it's hard was there you know you [TS]

00:08:04   remember when everybody had their salvos [TS]

00:08:05   to make like a disco record and this is [TS]

00:08:08   very well-documented tons of bands that [TS]

00:08:10   then felt the need to respond to new [TS]

00:08:11   wave including you get your billy joel's [TS]

00:08:13   you know you got all of your concert [TS]

00:08:15   Billy Joel you you tell me glasshouses [TS]

00:08:17   was not his attempt to do a white album [TS]

00:08:19   I can't have I can't talk about Billy [TS]

00:08:21   Joel chef within the card I despise [TS]

00:08:23   Billy Joel was such a it was such a [TS]

00:08:25   white-hot fury you understand this isn't [TS]

00:08:27   on a molecular level [TS]

00:08:28   yes absolutely everything about him [TS]

00:08:30   every word every syllable every business [TS]

00:08:32   is puffy faces and um you know East [TS]

00:08:36   Coast working man horse shit i just got [TS]

00:08:39   none of it like a true through his i [TS]

00:08:42   hope i can tell you the truth is he's [TS]

00:08:43   the one thing I don't have that problem [TS]

00:08:45   with Billy Joel like I have with phil [TS]

00:08:47   collins what my god Phil Collins is a [TS]

00:08:50   saint [TS]

00:08:50   he was good in Genesis and [TS]

00:08:53   but now this is failing guess what the [TS]

00:08:55   third part now we've got a third car huh [TS]

00:08:57   you know you don't always got me is as I [TS]

00:08:59   got a little bit older and i started i [TS]

00:09:01   started understand it like pictures of [TS]

00:09:02   pretty ladies and magazines [TS]

00:09:04   somebody get like lit them to make them [TS]

00:09:06   look good now they didn't look good and [TS]

00:09:07   then I started to realize that every [TS]

00:09:08   time you saw a professional photograph [TS]

00:09:10   of something like a lot of trouble had [TS]

00:09:12   gone into it and out of its 52nd street [TS]

00:09:14   and one of them but i hate the fucking [TS]

00:09:16   loose tie the little high component [TS]

00:09:18   photo [TS]

00:09:19   yes so douchey when I don't we use more [TS]

00:09:22   loose skinny top get the skinny knit [TS]

00:09:26   loose too skitty knit loose tie bad bad [TS]

00:09:29   bad bad bad now if you have a if you're [TS]

00:09:31   wearing a butt like a like a like an [TS]

00:09:33   adult man's tie [TS]

00:09:35   yeah and it's and you've loosened it [TS]

00:09:37   because you're really getting you're [TS]

00:09:39   really getting down to the nitty-gritty [TS]

00:09:40   yeah you need to loosen your tie [TS]

00:09:43   that's one thing but yeah like getting [TS]

00:09:44   dressed in the morning and putting your [TS]

00:09:46   tie on the loose all man thats a paddlin [TS]

00:09:49   I i totally agree told you know what [TS]

00:09:52   that is that's a Billy Joel move around [TS]

00:09:53   totally fucking Billy Joel move and then [TS]

00:09:55   he's like standing outside the busy [TS]

00:09:57   holding a trumpet right [TS]

00:09:59   ok might be holding an instrument i live [TS]

00:10:01   in a cello but he's out there is no [TS]

00:10:03   don't mind me I'm just standing on the [TS]

00:10:05   streets near my fucking tie and you know [TS]

00:10:07   what he's probably gotten that he's [TS]

00:10:08   probably at the the sleeves of his suit [TS]

00:10:10   jacket you know like stopping by my [TS]

00:10:15   second least favorite sleep Eric right I [TS]

00:10:18   accidentally did this yesterday I i hate [TS]

00:10:21   the folding up you know that's good in [TS]

00:10:23   this exactly one person John ham on mad [TS]

00:10:25   men let's go with this everybody else [TS]

00:10:26   you'll be the biggest cock in the world [TS]

00:10:28   you got your sweater you get your long [TS]

00:10:30   sleeve shirt unbuttoned the buttons your [TS]

00:10:32   long sleeve shirt i can see I'm doing I [TS]

00:10:34   have that common right now and I'm [TS]

00:10:35   folding up the sleeve starting with the [TS]

00:10:39   cuffs unfolding oh my god i already [TS]

00:10:41   fucking hate myself for doing it over [TS]

00:10:42   the small over this sweater and then you [TS]

00:10:44   make it look real tidy mm and what you [TS]

00:10:47   think Jon Hamm can pull that off [TS]

00:10:48   we should see a very slender man he's a [TS]

00:10:50   handsome guys obviously i wouldn't say [TS]

00:10:52   slender he's a powerfully-built human [TS]

00:10:55   he's kind of my TV Clooney I really like [TS]

00:10:57   that guy is that you know and you know [TS]

00:10:59   what he's a nice guy too [TS]

00:11:01   well I know he's very very funny that [TS]

00:11:03   the zach galifianakis between two fern [TS]

00:11:05   think some of the things that he's done [TS]

00:11:06   on the self-effacing things he's done [TS]

00:11:08   she makes me understand that if I were [TS]

00:11:10   more handsome i would be able to be a [TS]

00:11:11   lot more funny and adaptive isn't just [TS]

00:11:15   an excuse i'm making excuses all right [TS]

00:11:16   well I mean it's something i think where [TS]

00:11:18   he feels uh no I'm not going to speak [TS]

00:11:20   here for Jon Hamm no but i imagine uh [TS]

00:11:24   but based on my encounters with him [TS]

00:11:27   what oh yeah isn't you know if you if [TS]

00:11:31   you go look up the place if you go to [TS]

00:11:32   get the Playboy interview with jon hamm [TS]

00:11:34   yeah in the opening paragraph the writer [TS]

00:11:38   says I'm interviewing Jon Hamm and John [TS]

00:11:42   Roderick and john hodgman and aimee mann [TS]

00:11:45   are sitting across from us and send that [TS]

00:11:47   and they come over and they don't they [TS]

00:11:49   don't even publish plane when I just not [TS]

00:11:51   a bad bitch I I swear to you [TS]

00:11:53   youryour mentioned in something in [TS]

00:11:55   fucking playboy or somebody's in a room [TS]

00:11:57   with Jon Hamm and you were near him [TS]

00:11:59   that's right i know that you know what [TS]

00:12:00   I'm gonna come right out and say it [TS]

00:12:02   I know John hand not in the biblical [TS]

00:12:05   sense because you're not a religious man [TS]

00:12:06   that's right not in the biblical to [TS]

00:12:07   shake his hand [TS]

00:12:09   i I'm saying that I know him as he have [TS]

00:12:12   a relaxing humor he doesn't have here [TS]

00:12:14   here's what I'm gonna here's what i'm [TS]

00:12:15   saying i'm not speaking for him but i [TS]

00:12:17   imagine from interacting with him that [TS]

00:12:20   his handsomeness is somewhat of a burden [TS]

00:12:23   for him in pursuing what he truly loves [TS]

00:12:27   which is a comedy [TS]

00:12:29   I don't have a great he has a gift i [TS]

00:12:31   don't what he wasn't like officially [TS]

00:12:32   like a groundling or something was he [TS]

00:12:34   but he does lots of stuff with comedy [TS]

00:12:35   groups and he fits right in and relax it [TS]

00:12:38   is a fair number [TS]

00:12:39   he did yeah I'm started talking to a [TS]

00:12:41   comedy because if he was an uglier guy [TS]

00:12:42   would be a better comedian are you [TS]

00:12:45   saying like if he was 18 he was named [TS]

00:12:47   Eugene Mirman or a patton oswalt exactly [TS]

00:12:49   how those guys are handsome guy was [TS]

00:12:51   there talking characters is the thing up [TS]

00:12:55   I you know I would like to talk more [TS]

00:12:57   about this video just get super weird [TS]

00:12:59   when you go back to it okay what do you [TS]

00:13:00   think we're circle back to okc like a [TS]

00:13:01   triumph kiss phil collins and Billy Joel [TS]

00:13:04   but still Collins I'm gonna I'm gonna [TS]

00:13:06   even go i'm gonna go so far as to say no [TS]

00:13:09   jacket required is a classic album you [TS]

00:13:11   want me to make more cards you make as [TS]

00:13:14   many cards you want you make to make two [TS]

00:13:16   cards one that says fill the other says [TS]

00:13:18   colin understand the one that put a son [TS]

00:13:19   the internet i got the I got the [TS]

00:13:21   rudimentary editing tools i understand [TS]

00:13:23   their Collins is required journey [TS]

00:13:26   Billy Joel hi I'm John Roderick um so [TS]

00:13:31   we're talking about John I want to talk [TS]

00:13:33   about the circle back to jon hamm yeah [TS]

00:13:35   sure and that's with two M's i'm going [TS]

00:13:36   to put him in a different pile you [TS]

00:13:37   probably struggle with this John you're [TS]

00:13:39   very good looking your very charismatic [TS]

00:13:40   and I have to imagine that times you say [TS]

00:13:42   you say stop don't stop staring at my [TS]

00:13:44   tits and listen to my song about the [TS]

00:13:45   Space Shuttle you encounter problems we [TS]

00:13:47   have trouble keeping people's focus on [TS]

00:13:48   on the way you helped him I i think that [TS]

00:13:52   my inner ugliness suffice 'as are you [TS]

00:13:56   like you're like the Emperor the more [TS]

00:13:57   you use that dark side of the force that [TS]

00:13:59   more wrinkly get yes exactly exactly [TS]

00:14:01   well the more wrinkled the portrait of [TS]

00:14:03   me and my advocates that's true that's [TS]

00:14:06   true i think a lot of people [TS]

00:14:07   misunderstand that analogy [TS]

00:14:08   yeah I think I you know I walk around [TS]

00:14:09   walk around a unconscious [TS]

00:14:13   that's right and that was the nineties [TS]

00:14:15   respect and so I'm not aware of people [TS]

00:14:19   really a like undressing me with their I [TS]

00:14:22   that's how you know you're truly [TS]

00:14:23   handsome right when you're elle [TS]

00:14:25   macpherson and you can just you can just [TS]

00:14:26   go where some some some sweatpants a [TS]

00:14:30   juicy on the backing in you go to when [TS]

00:14:33   you buy some stuff or whatever no matter [TS]

00:14:35   how hot that would be if she didn't [TS]

00:14:38   copenhagen there's just tell McPherson [TS]

00:14:40   and some juicy sweatpants and just her [TS]

00:14:43   hair in a bomb yes I'm some copenhagen [TS]

00:14:46   yeah the best part of the official could [TS]

00:14:48   spit really well because most girls [TS]

00:14:49   can't spit you ever notice that we have [TS]

00:14:52   I ever notice that I have right there [TS]

00:14:54   was a while they're in the eighties [TS]

00:14:55   where I ran up like a clinic teaching [TS]

00:14:58   girls out of spit [TS]

00:15:00   it's useless though no no I mean you can [TS]

00:15:02   you if you if you see if you walk them [TS]

00:15:04   all the way through the process like [TS]

00:15:05   here's what you're trying to accomplish [TS]

00:15:07   you're not it's not a thing where it's [TS]

00:15:09   not doesn't happen from the lips it [TS]

00:15:11   happens from the back of the tongue [TS]

00:15:13   stretches and deeper place [TS]

00:15:14   yeah and you're trying to what you're [TS]

00:15:15   trying to do is you're trying to launch [TS]

00:15:16   this goober [TS]

00:15:19   and will you know with the idea that it [TS]

00:15:21   that it has a life of its own now it's [TS]

00:15:24   not not just sending air out with some [TS]

00:15:26   money it's not wet air now if you love [TS]

00:15:28   you love you gotta set free [TS]

00:15:29   yeah that's right you know it's not just [TS]

00:15:30   a spray of whether you are trying to [TS]

00:15:32   create a new thing [TS]

00:15:34   oh it's like it's almost like giving [TS]

00:15:36   birth cannot risk going a little bit [TS]

00:15:37   ping-pong for a minute [TS]

00:15:38   one problem let's continue but i think [TS]

00:15:41   one problem with with people learning to [TS]

00:15:42   throw especially girls because they [TS]

00:15:44   don't understand when to let go of the [TS]

00:15:46   ball [TS]

00:15:47   oh right so I mean I decided in trouble [TS]

00:15:49   with girls I was not geometric in my [TS]

00:15:51   studies but i think that around the [TS]

00:15:53   45-degree angle you want to let go [TS]

00:15:55   because you let go too early it goes up [TS]

00:15:57   in the air you get to too late it goes [TS]

00:15:58   down there's a whole lot of ways i think [TS]

00:16:00   with a loogie you need to think of 45 [TS]

00:16:02   and and on top of that I think you're [TS]

00:16:04   straight onto the point which is that [TS]

00:16:06   they don't really want to spit and if [TS]

00:16:07   you don't really want to spit you're [TS]

00:16:08   never going to get any good trajectory [TS]

00:16:09   us we own that get behind that shift [TS]

00:16:11   positions the thing about my lucky [TS]

00:16:13   clinic was that the girls that the [TS]

00:16:15   signed up for it all [TS]

00:16:17   we truly did want to spit it wasn't just [TS]

00:16:19   to be with you it wasn't a thing where [TS]

00:16:21   we're standing around a campfire and the [TS]

00:16:23   girls like yeah and I go hey let me help [TS]

00:16:25   you out [TS]

00:16:27   it's a thing where they would contact me [TS]

00:16:29   and they would say I understand that you [TS]

00:16:31   can teach girls to spirit and i would [TS]

00:16:33   say yeah if you are ready uh-huh i was [TS]

00:16:36   like it like a night class that like a [TS]

00:16:37   community college [TS]

00:16:39   well I was it was Alaska so it was the [TS]

00:16:41   Midnight Sun so there's no there's no [TS]

00:16:42   night [TS]

00:16:43   oh right technically no night you know [TS]

00:16:45   people settle people it would be what [TS]

00:16:47   you would call night here in them in [TS]

00:16:49   America but in Alaska it's like the [TS]

00:16:52   school son is in the sky you sound like [TS]

00:16:54   a native american in a commercial up [TS]

00:16:56   midnight which you can all dark but my [TS]

00:17:01   people call it maize i think the first [TS]

00:17:03   thing yet first steps here you have to [TS]

00:17:05   teach them that the loogies not to be [TS]

00:17:06   part of you anymore as you say i just [TS]

00:17:08   wanna know about wanting it you know [TS]

00:17:10   pushing out a baby you need to move on [TS]

00:17:11   with your life you want to let the [TS]

00:17:12   loogie go but the very first thing like [TS]

00:17:15   rudimentary is like how not to spit on [TS]

00:17:16   yourself waiting means it's like judo [TS]

00:17:18   for the mistake that people make is that [TS]

00:17:21   they think that spitting involves person [TS]

00:17:22   the lips I think your baby analogy is [TS]

00:17:25   perfect when you're giving birth to a [TS]

00:17:27   baby you know [TS]

00:17:27   first the lips opposite feminine you [TS]

00:17:29   want to open and let the baby be free [TS]

00:17:32   and the lips [TS]

00:17:33   although your mouth lips are the same [TS]

00:17:34   right you want to create a loogie shaped [TS]

00:17:36   hole in your mouth a loogie shaped app [TS]

00:17:40   you know a paternity and then let the [TS]

00:17:44   looky-look then let the loogie like the [TS]

00:17:47   fighter in the original Battlestar [TS]

00:17:50   Galactica let that loogie make its way [TS]

00:17:52   down the launch [TS]

00:17:54   it's a lot like a baby John the more I [TS]

00:17:56   think about it the more I'm realizing [TS]

00:17:57   you know so that we can get the thing up [TS]

00:17:59   its kind of braxton-hicks contraction [TS]

00:18:01   you know something's coming and then you [TS]

00:18:03   gotta start getting ready and like [TS]

00:18:04   singing like I don't know how to sing [TS]

00:18:05   and and but i know that when you learn [TS]

00:18:08   how to sing you learn that doesn't come [TS]

00:18:09   out of your mouth it doesn't come out [TS]

00:18:10   your throat come from somewhere much [TS]

00:18:12   deeper tonight if i understand correctly [TS]

00:18:13   you're saying it in a sense that it is [TS]

00:18:14   like having a baby it has to start much [TS]

00:18:16   earlier in a different place [TS]

00:18:18   exactly and I really feel like the mean [TS]

00:18:21   when my baby was being born I was there [TS]

00:18:23   in the hospital and I was saying good [TS]

00:18:24   for you [TS]

00:18:25   battlestar galactica launch sequence [TS]

00:18:27   battlestar galactica launch sequence and [TS]

00:18:31   it really helped everybody [TS]

00:18:33   the doctor just turns to a very quietly [TS]

00:18:34   says I work alone you know you know [TS]

00:18:38   women who are having a baby love is [TS]

00:18:41   advice [TS]

00:18:42   oh wow don't they well nothing is I I [TS]

00:18:45   mean out if there was ever a time when a [TS]

00:18:49   woman needs advice from the man its been [TS]

00:18:51   she's having a baby could actually such [TS]

00:18:53   a faggot just have a baby that's what [TS]

00:18:55   guys are for rights were there to [TS]

00:18:57   provide some hard want advice right one [TS]

00:19:03   you know and the thing is as always John [TS]

00:19:05   if I could say you're giving the gift of [TS]

00:19:06   context you help your helping people [TS]

00:19:07   understand i don't want to say what's [TS]

00:19:09   wrong with them but in some sense you're [TS]

00:19:11   helping them understand what's wrong [TS]

00:19:12   with them in terms of what they're not [TS]

00:19:14   doing correctly because you have [TS]

00:19:16   perspective that if you were pregnant [TS]

00:19:18   and having a baby you might not even [TS]

00:19:19   have much perspective that might that [TS]

00:19:21   might that my poison your well if that's [TS]

00:19:22   exactly right you're too close to it you [TS]

00:19:24   can listen to it [TS]

00:19:25   the problem with a pregnant woman is [TS]

00:19:27   that he has a baby in her right [TS]

00:19:30   yeah and through that this is the [TS]

00:19:32   problem and we resolve this problem [TS]

00:19:34   yes get the baby out right that's [TS]

00:19:37   fastest way you can [TS]

00:19:38   yeah and from the perspective of a [TS]

00:19:40   pregnant woman that might not be [TS]

00:19:41   entirely obvious i mean obviously she [TS]

00:19:43   wants to get the baby out [TS]

00:19:44   she doesn't see how simple a simple 121 [TS]

00:19:47   like she said she wants to get the baby [TS]

00:19:49   out but she probably likes getting a [TS]

00:19:50   seat on the bus [TS]

00:19:51   see see you now you're getting close now [TS]

00:19:53   you're getting closer you could not what [TS]

00:19:54   you think about the stories of ladies [TS]

00:19:56   you don't find out the pregnancy the [TS]

00:19:57   baby comes out doesn't that seem a [TS]

00:19:58   little hard to believe we heard these [TS]

00:20:00   stories [TS]

00:20:01   yeah I have lady gets a little heavy [TS]

00:20:03   doesn't have a period for eight months [TS]

00:20:04   and then she goes wide [TS]

00:20:06   am I my life I have learned that no [TS]

00:20:09   story involving a woman is too [TS]

00:20:11   far-fetched [TS]

00:20:12   ok anyway hit their words or you were [TS]

00:20:23   shedding listeners now if only we could [TS]

00:20:26   John that's the problem we don't the [TS]

00:20:28   problem it's an opportunity to take mom [TS]

00:20:31   is yeah the cereal now I I the serial [TS]

00:20:34   thing I keep thinking I'm gonna like it [TS]

00:20:35   i just don't like that kind of sugar as [TS]

00:20:37   much as i used to i will have a cookie [TS]

00:20:39   sometimes I I first of all I'm not to be [TS]

00:20:41   honest I'm not all i remember want to [TS]

00:20:43   circle back to write things down coffee [TS]

00:20:45   um I can't eat a lot of sweet stuff in [TS]

00:20:47   the morning and into begin with as you [TS]

00:20:49   know from from our experiences with them [TS]

00:20:51   some unsavory man [TS]

00:20:52   yeah you too idea to steak every morning [TS]

00:20:54   if I could smoke up the house but i [TS]

00:20:56   would i would be just like the for my [TS]

00:20:57   family rose i will have eaten ribeye [TS]

00:20:59   that's what I mean mymy thing too i will [TS]

00:21:01   i will eat spicy pork for breakfast all [TS]

00:21:04   the time if if i can get it and and I [TS]

00:21:06   hate the normal breakfast like I do not [TS]

00:21:08   like french toast [TS]

00:21:10   I do not like most of the kind of sugar [TS]

00:21:14   sweet breakfast things but i also don't [TS]

00:21:19   like to wake up in the morning and start [TS]

00:21:21   making dimsum right away you know it's a [TS]

00:21:22   lot of work you gotta get dough [TS]

00:21:24   yeah i mean the desert and this is a [TS]

00:21:26   line around [TS]

00:21:27   yes and I just I need a little i need [TS]

00:21:29   something I need something to pick up [TS]

00:21:31   the coffee show you a couple John i [TS]

00:21:32   gotta tell you i run into this problem [TS]

00:21:34   constantly and it's why just in the few [TS]

00:21:36   minutes we have we had a we agreed as we [TS]

00:21:38   like we I think we have that the power [TS]

00:21:41   suddenly into which is to agree on a [TS]

00:21:43   time to do the podcast and then we [TS]

00:21:44   alternately add 15 minutes to it for two [TS]

00:21:47   hours and it's working for both of us [TS]

00:21:48   right [TS]

00:21:49   we say okay eleven o'clock and then you [TS]

00:21:51   go and then 11 fading and then I go [TS]

00:21:53   let's say 1130 and I can happen get [TS]

00:21:55   happier every time delay because [TS]

00:21:57   it's just that sometimes it will be two [TS]

00:21:59   o'clock in the afternoon was to like 15 [TS]

00:22:01   more minutes like working your urethra [TS]

00:22:03   yeah and and so my problem is my [TS]

00:22:04   neighborhood is full of food well I [TS]

00:22:06   think what you're getting at also the [TS]

00:22:08   breakfast or dessert you through what [TS]

00:22:09   are you know you were going to slip that [TS]

00:22:10   by me well when you're sober [TS]

00:22:14   beyond that the thing you know it's like [TS]

00:22:19   a poop joke as I tell my daughter you [TS]

00:22:21   got it you got to keep the poop jokes [TS]

00:22:22   dry because you doing too much you know [TS]

00:22:24   then you just like the guy who does the [TS]

00:22:25   poop joke I don't become Bell guy [TS]

00:22:27   oh no you don't want to bail guy and you [TS]

00:22:29   don't want to be the poop think about [TS]

00:22:30   the battle is you have to forget the [TS]

00:22:31   bells there i was like meditation [TS]

00:22:34   yeah you forget the Bell is there and [TS]

00:22:35   then you say something and you're like [TS]

00:22:37   God I wish I had a bell holy shit i have [TS]

00:22:40   a bell [TS]

00:22:40   I'm moving it I'm moving it four inches [TS]

00:22:43   to the right and slightly out of my [TS]

00:22:45   field of vision I'm gonna put it behind [TS]

00:22:46   this thing of home cleanser and I'm like [TS]

00:22:49   it's like a headlamp for instance i have [TS]

00:22:51   I i have a variety of headlamp your [TS]

00:22:53   house and they are not collected on one [TS]

00:22:57   shelf gonna round case the lights go out [TS]

00:22:59   at the idea its lights go out and the [TS]

00:23:01   thing is if you hang on doorknobs if you [TS]

00:23:04   hang like a headlamp on doorknobs around [TS]

00:23:06   your house you forget they're there but [TS]

00:23:08   then the lights go away you just stop [TS]

00:23:10   seeing them so to speak exactly the [TS]

00:23:12   lights go out you reach for a doorknob [TS]

00:23:14   there's a headlamp also lets light [TS]

00:23:18   switches you have one light switch for [TS]

00:23:19   your house right [TS]

00:23:20   you need a little you need to help but [TS]

00:23:21   I'm you never know now what about what [TS]

00:23:23   about the weapons you have weapons you [TS]

00:23:24   know what we should get into it I bet [TS]

00:23:26   you got weapons you get your vault but [TS]

00:23:27   then you got him in different places to [TS]

00:23:28   right here's the thing you can Navy [TS]

00:23:30   SEALs or or an associated group decided [TS]

00:23:35   to cut the power to my house in advance [TS]

00:23:37   of coming into the wind and water no [TS]

00:23:40   matter where I am [TS]

00:23:41   no matter where i am at that moment i'm [TS]

00:23:43   going to have access to a headlamp a [TS]

00:23:47   defensive weapon sources sources clients [TS]

00:23:51   get two cookies a headlamp and a Glock [TS]

00:23:55   now [TS]

00:23:57   indeed you do that thing where you hit [TS]

00:24:00   the floor and roll now man your age [TS]

00:24:03   you're gonna need you probably should [TS]

00:24:05   warm up before you do that you [TS]

00:24:06   definitely hit the floor but you also [TS]

00:24:07   have to look around your house and see [TS]

00:24:10   this is something i recommend everybody [TS]

00:24:12   yeah look around your house and see [TS]

00:24:13   where the the defensive positions are [TS]

00:24:15   like where where are the corners that [TS]

00:24:18   you're going to wear the corners where [TS]

00:24:20   you're going to get trapped and where [TS]

00:24:21   the corners where you're gonna be able [TS]

00:24:22   to make a stand right you you want a [TS]

00:24:24   place where you can fit the barrel of a [TS]

00:24:26   rifle through it but you want to don't [TS]

00:24:27   be so big that people can see your scope [TS]

00:24:30   yeah i mean you want to be able you want [TS]

00:24:32   to do you want to be able to defend the [TS]

00:24:33   position and so you want to write [TS]

00:24:35   amazing high ground [TS]

00:24:36   how do you do that thing like you doing [TS]

00:24:37   beretta we're not all the glass out the [TS]

00:24:39   window and it wasn't making a circle [TS]

00:24:40   with the gun know that rookie thing is a [TS]

00:24:43   tricky thing that's down here that [TS]

00:24:45   that's like some kind of its like it's [TS]

00:24:47   the thirties gangster thing where you're [TS]

00:24:49   like trying to hold the cops off or [TS]

00:24:50   something or dirt cowboy thing our stuff [TS]

00:24:52   without respect are you saying that all [TS]

00:24:53   30 gangsters things are are ineffective [TS]

00:24:56   no I think you know frankly if I will if [TS]

00:25:00   I were going around the world on a yacht [TS]

00:25:03   city if I'm not a super yeah i was going [TS]

00:25:07   around the world of his standard a [TS]

00:25:08   standard yeah well no I here's the thing [TS]

00:25:11   about a yacht [TS]

00:25:12   did you know that that that the John [TS]

00:25:14   Wayne reconditioned a navy like [TS]

00:25:18   destroyer as a as a as his personal yeah [TS]

00:25:22   i did not and that is fucking awesome [TS]

00:25:25   he he got you gotta like-a it was like [TS]

00:25:27   it was a minesweeper something like a [TS]

00:25:29   navy warship and had it remade as his [TS]

00:25:32   yacht and the thing the thing about [TS]

00:25:33   going around the world on a yacht [TS]

00:25:35   if you're going to do such a thing is [TS]

00:25:37   that the smart move is to not have it [TS]

00:25:40   look like a fancy yacht camouflage it as [TS]

00:25:43   a ocean-going tug boat and then you can [TS]

00:25:47   go to these places like the Strait of [TS]

00:25:50   Malacca where where pirates rule and [TS]

00:25:54   they do not think that you are Paul [TS]

00:25:56   Allen and in the octopus they think that [TS]

00:25:59   you are just a seafaring Seto if you're [TS]

00:26:02   a dick if your wheelhouse is unlike the [TS]

00:26:05   fourth floor of the boat and you're [TS]

00:26:07   dressed up like Commodore Schmidlapp [TS]

00:26:08   that's going to send a signal if you've [TS]

00:26:10   got a beard and there's literally stock [TS]

00:26:12   options all over the boat right now [TS]

00:26:14   you're in trouble but that's going to [TS]

00:26:15   arouse the interest of a pirate [TS]

00:26:16   if I were going around the world say for [TS]

00:26:18   instance on my ocean-going seat ugh [TS]

00:26:21   that is actually a yacht disguised as a [TS]

00:26:24   as a seat ugh i would definitely have [TS]

00:26:27   some nineteen-thirties style Thompson 45 [TS]

00:26:32   caliber submachine guns that's the only [TS]

00:26:35   put a little disk bullets on actually [TS]

00:26:37   let's make a film canister exactly and [TS]

00:26:39   here's why because that is that gun [TS]

00:26:42   internationally communicates that you [TS]

00:26:46   are our gangster that gun says that you [TS]

00:26:50   mean business more than an m16 more than [TS]

00:26:52   an ak-47 if you have a Thompson [TS]

00:26:55   submachine gun let's say you're on your [TS]

00:26:57   seat ugh and you're going through the [TS]

00:26:58   Straits of Malacca and some pirates [TS]

00:27:01   started assaulting your yacht right here [TS]

00:27:06   come the Pirates and you're driving [TS]

00:27:07   through the night you see them on the [TS]

00:27:09   radar there they don't have any lights [TS]

00:27:12   on their boats and they're coming [TS]

00:27:13   they're coming at you they're gonna [TS]

00:27:15   they're going to jump on your boat [TS]

00:27:16   they're going to take it over and then [TS]

00:27:18   you just boom you put on all the [TS]

00:27:20   spotlights and you and your and your [TS]

00:27:22   crew are standing on the back your boat [TS]

00:27:24   with Thompson submachine guns and you're [TS]

00:27:26   wearing suits and fedoras no pirate [TS]

00:27:29   would ever make a statically just see [TS]

00:27:32   the outline of the Thompson 45 caliber [TS]

00:27:35   submachine gun he all you see is the [TS]

00:27:37   shadow of that and you know businesses [TS]

00:27:38   meant that's right you're like oh bring [TS]

00:27:41   relief knowing Seto you got a 45 or [TS]

00:27:44   something well it's gonna be a big gun [TS]

00:27:46   that goes pop but you see somebody with [TS]

00:27:47   one of those things with the film [TS]

00:27:48   canister on it you're going to really [TS]

00:27:49   rethink the whole piracy situation i'm [TS]

00:27:51   gonna leave a lot of Malacca is that [TS]

00:27:53   what it's called The Straits of Malacca [TS]

00:27:54   Straits of Malacca ok it's hard to [TS]

00:27:56   navigate in a seagoing tug no no they're [TS]

00:27:58   quite easy to to navigate but uh but [TS]

00:28:02   it's a it's a it's one of these places [TS]

00:28:06   in the world where all the boats have to [TS]

00:28:09   go because it's the it's the only way [TS]

00:28:13   through the Brian like DMV it's like you [TS]

00:28:16   leave Singapore and you have to go [TS]

00:28:18   through this you have to go through this [TS]

00:28:21   narrow strait on your way to the indian [TS]

00:28:23   ocean and it's kind of late it's like [TS]

00:28:24   the Panama Canal except it's a natural [TS]

00:28:26   waterways [TS]

00:28:27   oh it's like it's the Golden Gate like [TS]

00:28:29   this the only way through is that [TS]

00:28:31   exact so all the boats have to go [TS]

00:28:32   through this place and the Pirates that [TS]

00:28:34   live the Indonesian pirates or the [TS]

00:28:37   Malaysian pirates I think they're [TS]

00:28:38   probably Malaysians ok dad would run [TS]

00:28:42   into the rocker well maybe they might be [TS]

00:28:44   indonesian stew in fact i ventured there [TS]

00:28:45   are Indonesian and Malaysian pirates [TS]

00:28:47   working they got started a lot of that [TS]

00:28:48   to bangalore now but but they they wait [TS]

00:28:51   there in the night and you you run your [TS]

00:28:54   boat through there and then a and you [TS]

00:28:56   are you are to use a landlubber term [TS]

00:28:58   like a sitting duck [TS]

00:29:00   well if you are not if you are not ever [TS]

00:29:04   vigilant [TS]

00:29:05   ok there are great there are some great [TS]

00:29:06   stories of people in big boats where [TS]

00:29:09   they're looking at the another watching [TS]

00:29:11   the radar and they see that this [TS]

00:29:12   flotilla of pirate [TS]

00:29:15   I you know like this ragtag fugitive [TS]

00:29:18   fleet of pirate boats are coming out of [TS]

00:29:22   the night and they see him on the radar [TS]

00:29:23   and they like gunned it and the Pirates [TS]

00:29:26   chase them and it's like you can't see [TS]

00:29:29   the pirate ships because there there [TS]

00:29:31   there it's all dark but they're running [TS]

00:29:35   from these little dots on their radar [TS]

00:29:36   screen and sometimes they sometimes they [TS]

00:29:38   outrun the Pirates sometimes they don't [TS]

00:29:41   what you want like some kind of rush [TS]

00:29:42   hour or rush out of style like like [TS]

00:29:44   depth little depth charges which you [TS]

00:29:46   want to have some kind of bombs that you [TS]

00:29:48   could you leave behind a little present [TS]

00:29:49   for those guys is that even a good [TS]

00:29:51   defensive tactic is if you can assume [TS]

00:29:53   they're going to make a straight line [TS]

00:29:54   toward your boat quickly I i think i [TS]

00:29:58   think that you there's there's too great [TS]

00:30:00   a risk that you're putting depth charges [TS]

00:30:02   out there putting mines in the water and [TS]

00:30:04   the pirates are going to miss him and [TS]

00:30:05   then the next person you know then looks [TS]

00:30:07   like a boat full of orphans comes along [TS]

00:30:09   and hits the month [TS]

00:30:10   yeah for me personally since I i [TS]

00:30:13   thrilled to the to the battle i would I [TS]

00:30:16   i think the Thompson submachine guns and [TS]

00:30:18   then maybe a box of grenades how that [TS]

00:30:21   gives you flexibility in your hand and [TS]

00:30:23   you you're a man who if I could say your [TS]

00:30:25   man who prefers personal war for you [TS]

00:30:27   don't like this pussy should have hit [TS]

00:30:28   people with the screen you like the idea [TS]

00:30:29   of seeing have seen the grenade [TS]

00:30:31   literally blow them apart right so as [TS]

00:30:32   the boat comes because they're the thing [TS]

00:30:34   about a pirate is he had his boat has to [TS]

00:30:36   touch your boat at some point right [TS]

00:30:38   right the pirate getting 10 feet from [TS]

00:30:40   your boat is no good for a pirate he has [TS]

00:30:42   to get his boat touch [TS]

00:30:44   your boat so he can make the leap right [TS]

00:30:47   yes and at that point if you're hiding [TS]

00:30:49   over the gunwale with your Thompson [TS]

00:30:51   submachine gun and you lob a grenade [TS]

00:30:53   into his boat you can you can throw a [TS]

00:30:56   grenade 10 feet and he's 10 feet away [TS]

00:30:59   and he's like totally 10 more feet and [TS]

00:31:01   you're like ha grenade boom right and [TS]

00:31:04   then haha that now tell me that that [TS]

00:31:06   isn't preferable to like oh I'm throwing [TS]

00:31:08   a mine in the water and all who but [TS]

00:31:10   worst of all you may not know if he even [TS]

00:31:12   hit your target let alone the orphans [TS]

00:31:13   could have been working this is why I [TS]

00:31:15   don't like modern fighter pilot [TS]

00:31:18   technologies that we yes absolutely [TS]

00:31:20   these guys are shooting missiles at [TS]

00:31:21   planes over the horizon middle you might [TS]

00:31:23   have said it was it was a pussy move for [TS]

00:31:24   you may send another word for something [TS]

00:31:26   a little bit of a pussy move and I feel [TS]

00:31:27   that way about about drone driving that [TS]

00:31:30   was some trance I think I'm gonna kill [TS]

00:31:32   somebody I really feel like you have to [TS]

00:31:34   be at least proximate to that person [TS]

00:31:37   it's just that it's what a gentleman [TS]

00:31:39   would do that's exactly [TS]

00:31:40   okay i have several questions here I was [TS]

00:31:41   gonna ask you I'm a silly question I [TS]

00:31:43   asked you [TS]

00:31:44   no no no why would you not ask me this [TS]

00:31:46   like what if everyone followed the [TS]

00:31:47   Pirates are clowns and they use the [TS]

00:31:49   pirate cannon to shoot lousy and you put [TS]

00:31:51   you to climb out of a cannon rights and [TS]

00:31:54   cannons that's ok all you have to do [TS]

00:31:58   then is rigged up netting around your [TS]

00:32:00   boat catch the clown's you kiss me [TS]

00:32:03   defensive class she just maybe you need [TS]

00:32:05   you need some you need circus wedding [TS]

00:32:07   and defensive clouds look at the edge of [TS]

00:32:09   the top on your tell you what you want [TS]

00:32:12   to do you buy you buy one disease got [TS]

00:32:13   your tongue he's got his your John Wayne [TS]

00:32:16   superyacht as a circus because everybody [TS]

00:32:18   loved circuses he's going to attack a [TS]

00:32:19   circus that no money who goes the circus [TS]

00:32:22   there's my other question I have several [TS]

00:32:23   questions and I did you say you're [TS]

00:32:24   drinking coffee again [TS]

00:32:26   yeah i went back on coffee good I mean I [TS]

00:32:28   assume that how's that how's it working [TS]

00:32:30   well you know it's it's fun to go home [TS]

00:32:32   by all my friends who have learned not [TS]

00:32:34   to be enables about drugs to me who are [TS]

00:32:37   like why don't you smoke dope [TS]

00:32:40   why don't you do bath salts with me you [TS]

00:32:42   can have a little beer [TS]

00:32:43   yeah they're not everybody's really good [TS]

00:32:45   about that but God when I stopped [TS]

00:32:46   drinking coffee it struck at the heart [TS]

00:32:48   of every friend i have people or people [TS]

00:32:51   were genuinely saying things to me like [TS]

00:32:53   that's the stupidest thing I've ever [TS]

00:32:55   heard [TS]

00:32:56   it's like Scientology they're saying you [TS]

00:32:58   get your the mob i guess more really [TS]

00:32:59   more Scientology but like you don't [TS]

00:33:01   believe this [TS]

00:33:01   what are you doing sitting down yes [TS]

00:33:03   that's right that's right you don't [TS]

00:33:04   leave this exactly [TS]

00:33:06   no I know so I got back on coffee in it [TS]

00:33:08   and it's great i mean it's a wonderful [TS]

00:33:10   drug and I i love it i'd i enjoy it i'm [TS]

00:33:13   trying to moderate it a little bit and [TS]

00:33:15   not drink like 30 cups a day [TS]

00:33:17   well it'sit's I'm the wrong person to [TS]

00:33:19   make this kind of observation about you [TS]

00:33:21   but it seems like you had become [TS]

00:33:23   something that you were doing a lot of [TS]

00:33:25   making it seem like you there was always [TS]

00:33:28   a pot of coffee being made and here i [TS]

00:33:31   thought i know i mean you know I I this [TS]

00:33:33   is not this is not my job it you know i [TS]

00:33:35   just i'm here to audit you basically I [TS]

00:33:37   want to find out what some of your [TS]

00:33:38   weaknesses are and find out what how [TS]

00:33:39   much money i can get up to put you on [TS]

00:33:41   this electronic machine that doesn't [TS]

00:33:43   actually do anything haha but you know [TS]

00:33:45   they got this you got on muni you going [TS]

00:33:47   on the Black Pearl Street Station I [TS]

00:33:48   don't know how they're allowed to do [TS]

00:33:49   this unless there's a conspiracy which [TS]

00:33:50   there probably is [TS]

00:33:51   yeah but you know those people down [TS]

00:33:53   there and it says you see something like [TS]

00:33:55   normal people [TS]

00:33:56   the tongue people he says free stress [TS]

00:33:57   test you're seeing this oh my god it's [TS]

00:33:59   something that's a Scientology thing [TS]

00:34:00   right so it's totally fine until you see [TS]

00:34:02   Molly 640 yeah you know those dead dark [TS]

00:34:05   doll eyes and they're sitting there and [TS]

00:34:07   get a lot of really friendly-looking [TS]

00:34:08   sign that says free stress test you know [TS]

00:34:11   which is you know it's it's like it's [TS]

00:34:13   like an existential free estimate like [TS]

00:34:14   no matter what you're going to meet some [TS]

00:34:15   shit change your like you know what [TS]

00:34:17   you're going to need a timing belt [TS]

00:34:18   that's just gonna happen [TS]

00:34:19   do you remember when there were hardened [TS]

00:34:23   criminals and the airport's very much [TS]

00:34:25   what happened to them I can't speak for [TS]

00:34:28   other airports i can tell you where they [TS]

00:34:29   are at our Airport [TS]

00:34:30   oh there are there still at your airport [TS]

00:34:32   well that's San Francisco know what do [TS]

00:34:35   you hear will San Francisco see it would [TS]

00:34:37   be if San Francisco which is fucked up [TS]

00:34:38   in one way we would be fine again it's [TS]

00:34:41   like these people it's like it's like [TS]

00:34:42   the bike guys running a stop sign is 14 [TS]

00:34:44   people do it that you get a crash in san [TS]

00:34:46   francisco is is fucked up in so many on [TS]

00:34:50   the paradox of contradictory ways [TS]

00:34:52   mhm and so i can't speak only lived here [TS]

00:34:54   for 13 years I can't begin to understand [TS]

00:34:56   the stupid but but what I will tell you [TS]

00:34:58   is this and I am kind of surprised you [TS]

00:34:59   haven't seen that you'll see this [TS]

00:35:00   indefinitely in terminal 3 in the united [TS]

00:35:03   terminal you're walking around you're [TS]

00:35:04   battling [TS]

00:35:05   united that's why oh good man oh you [TS]

00:35:07   know what I'm gonna circle back to that [TS]

00:35:09   I gotta go let's say about airlines [TS]

00:35:10   don't know kind of baking out to get me [TS]

00:35:12   started on usair ok [TS]

00:35:13   oh my god Julie I'm flying USO tomorrow [TS]

00:35:16   oh my gosh don't tell me I don't want to [TS]

00:35:18   know about iĆ­ve grade to first class [TS]

00:35:21   once and it was like being in a portal [TS]

00:35:22   it with Thomas's i'm flying on a good [TS]

00:35:25   way I'm flying to New York I'm fine from [TS]

00:35:27   New York to Seattle from Seattle to New [TS]

00:35:29   York i bought the ticket yesterday i saw [TS]

00:35:32   this on your internet you behind 90 [TS]

00:35:34   bucks don't know you know John I I know [TS]

00:35:37   about your you've been you've been to [TS]

00:35:39   college and stuff you finish but you you [TS]

00:35:40   should make sure that's a real ticket [TS]

00:35:42   you might have you might have bought I [TS]

00:35:44   don't know you might about that for like [TS]

00:35:45   a magician or something that sounds very [TS]

00:35:46   inexpensive my feeling about it though [TS]

00:35:48   is that I having flown every airline and [TS]

00:35:52   i truly have except i have not I have [TS]

00:35:53   not flown whatever the Sri Lankan [TS]

00:35:56   airline is but i thought was really what [TS]

00:35:59   you've done is really one oak I've [TS]

00:36:00   always wanted to fly at all [TS]

00:36:02   yeah but uh but no I never have that's [TS]

00:36:04   you know what that's one of those [TS]

00:36:05   vacations I want to take where I just go [TS]

00:36:07   to Israel and I want to see what if you [TS]

00:36:09   can get away with like a walk around in [TS]

00:36:11   a robe and still follow me [TS]

00:36:13   haha not gonna hit but a but I figure [TS]

00:36:19   all the all the domestic airlines it's [TS]

00:36:20   all shit now right i mean they're [TS]

00:36:22   jetblue or virgin they're nice they're [TS]

00:36:24   nice [TS]

00:36:25   all I think I think I think [TS]

00:36:26   pound-for-pound virgin is as close as [TS]

00:36:28   you're gonna get to what it was like to [TS]

00:36:29   fly in the good days but it's still crap [TS]

00:36:32   it's still crap just the ever experience [TS]

00:36:34   alone [TS]

00:36:34   yeah and and you're flying virgin [TS]

00:36:36   airlines and they're pumping that chris [TS]

00:36:38   cornell song with with a dr dog or [TS]

00:36:42   whatever the fuck song that is your [TS]

00:36:44   their public that like starts to pop oh [TS]

00:36:47   right the purple lighting applications [TS]

00:36:49   like doing that with the purple lights [TS]

00:36:51   and it so anyway it's a nightmare to get [TS]

00:36:54   on an airplane mail and I'm just [TS]

00:36:55   realizing you know that those little [TS]

00:36:58   that I was fooling myself for a long [TS]

00:37:00   time like you know what it's worth 250 [TS]

00:37:02   dollar upgrade to have two more inches [TS]

00:37:04   of legroom and now I'm realizing it's [TS]

00:37:06   not it's just it's it's just a shit [TS]

00:37:09   barge it's a shit barge full of of like [TS]

00:37:13   long pigs [TS]

00:37:15   and I just need fucking I just need to [TS]

00:37:19   recognize it it's like I'm gonna spend [TS]

00:37:21   eight hours with long pics on the ship [TS]

00:37:23   part i want the cheapest ticket again [TS]

00:37:25   but that's a long Pig I remember the [TS]

00:37:28   long pig mask and III is it is a [TS]

00:37:29   character and so using human being [TS]

00:37:32   that's good i want to go back to that [TS]

00:37:34   airlines which I just misspelled here [TS]

00:37:36   here's the other thing John is that you [TS]

00:37:38   know somebody has a little experiment [TS]

00:37:39   during all the TSA theater nonsense the [TS]

00:37:41   last few years [TS]

00:37:42   somebody made a fake ticket and was able [TS]

00:37:44   to get on a plane with it just show [TS]

00:37:46   yeah you can make you can make a fake [TS]

00:37:48   boarding pass and it's not that hard [TS]

00:37:49   what I'm saying is a man like you [TS]

00:37:51   I think knowing what you know having [TS]

00:37:52   been through what you've been through [TS]

00:37:53   having walked across Europe spend weeks [TS]

00:37:55   doing and then and then gone to that was [TS]

00:37:57   north face and it to get satisfaction [TS]

00:37:59   my thought is if you got there when it [TS]

00:38:01   was real busy we got you could walk up [TS]

00:38:03   there with basically a dumb sucker and [TS]

00:38:06   try to convince them that was a hundred [TS]

00:38:07   ninety dollar ticket i think you could [TS]

00:38:08   demand satisfaction to a level where [TS]

00:38:10   they would not it would walk you through [TS]

00:38:11   security and apologized like a gentleman [TS]

00:38:13   you know that my dad was my dad was [TS]

00:38:15   great at that a back in the day but at [TS]

00:38:18   it's just not it's just not worth [TS]

00:38:21   interacting with it's just not worth [TS]

00:38:23   interacting with the sub normals in that [TS]

00:38:25   way [TS]

00:38:25   yeah I when I walk into an airport I put [TS]

00:38:28   on a I put on a protective shield of of [TS]

00:38:32   do not touch me and I want to carry this [TS]

00:38:35   protective do not touch me shield all [TS]

00:38:37   the way to my final destiny i wish i had [TS]

00:38:39   a two sizes smaller version that's it [TS]

00:38:41   for pretty much all the time I want to I [TS]

00:38:43   want to get some kind of a suit that's [TS]

00:38:45   like I don't know it sounds kind of [TS]

00:38:47   kinky but i would like a full body [TS]

00:38:48   plastic suit that has been slowly [TS]

00:38:50   releases Purell over my entire body [TS]

00:38:52   yeah I want to bathe in / want to be [TS]

00:38:55   glistening with want to be like a dog's [TS]

00:38:56   nose [TS]

00:38:57   I want to walk places I never want to [TS]

00:38:58   touch anything including myself because [TS]

00:39:00   I'm a carrier I'm a carrier now I've [TS]

00:39:01   been on my giving it you know what this [TS]

00:39:03   is boring drinking coffee again it's [TS]

00:39:04   working out okay [TS]

00:39:06   yeah and if i had a superpower yeah [TS]

00:39:10   I myself this is a big one John this is [TS]

00:39:13   that you're getting into a heavy hottest [TS]

00:39:15   topic here this is a big one [TS]

00:39:16   my superpower i have i've put Laura I've [TS]

00:39:18   put a lot of thought into this really my [TS]

00:39:20   super yes that's because you don't spend [TS]

00:39:23   a lot of time with Hodgman here this is [TS]

00:39:24   the type of question that he asks [TS]

00:39:25   whether you want to have the [TS]

00:39:27   conversation might join 250 morning in [TS]

00:39:29   my experience must understand John my [TS]

00:39:32   sleep my superpower [TS]

00:39:34   I think would be the power to rust god [TS]

00:39:38   damn it [TS]

00:39:42   ok your superpower would be the power to [TS]

00:39:45   rust [TS]

00:39:46   if you could just point your finger at [TS]

00:39:47   something and make it something metal [TS]

00:39:49   snake other things rust no i don't [TS]

00:39:53   personally want to rust [TS]

00:39:54   are you nervous to it well yeah there's [TS]

00:39:57   no part of me that can rust [TS]

00:39:59   okay look at the metal the metallic [TS]

00:40:00   parts of me are made of stainless steel [TS]

00:40:02   ok it's like the Midas touch except [TS]

00:40:05   you've been driving Massachusetts [TS]

00:40:06   allwinner right exactly it's like it's [TS]

00:40:09   like salt on the roads but let's say [TS]

00:40:11   somebody points are going to you you [TS]

00:40:12   point your finger and it rusts oh it's [TS]

00:40:15   pretty good you can I mean if you give [TS]

00:40:18   you the power to rust on command at a [TS]

00:40:22   distance to you could rule the world [TS]

00:40:25   well I i bet forgive me because i have [TS]

00:40:27   been spending literally every free [TS]

00:40:29   moment for the last month reading x-men [TS]

00:40:30   comics but it seems to me that if you [TS]

00:40:31   got that Thun highly enough if you went [TS]

00:40:33   if you want to meet with Professor X and [TS]

00:40:35   have some time in the Danger Room you [TS]

00:40:37   might be able to get to a point where [TS]

00:40:38   you could work it like Cyclops you don't [TS]

00:40:40   just shooting out randomly but you could [TS]

00:40:42   get it so gonna get metal in your body [TS]

00:40:43   people got metal you can make carbon [TS]

00:40:45   rust [TS]

00:40:46   I mean y showed that but you could use [TS]

00:40:48   to me that you could if you could just [TS]

00:40:49   excite the base metals and somebody's [TS]

00:40:52   body can fucking trust their insides [TS]

00:40:54   just enough to get you where you can run [TS]

00:40:55   away [TS]

00:40:56   think about it think about it we mercury [TS]

00:40:58   fish you get mercury in you [TS]

00:41:00   mm you know what okay you don't want to [TS]

00:41:02   get back and it makes no sense you don't [TS]

00:41:04   get it but only the cripples only people [TS]

00:41:06   so anybody so it always bugging you [TS]

00:41:08   you could fuck her hip hop good but [TS]

00:41:09   here's the thing i'm not super worried [TS]

00:41:11   about some person with their hands [TS]

00:41:14   causing any damage i'm worried about [TS]

00:41:16   them using a tool [TS]

00:41:18   right of some kind you feel like in [TS]

00:41:20   hand-to-hand combat you can hold around [TS]

00:41:22   yeah but if they have a tool then it [TS]

00:41:24   gives them an advantage if i do not have [TS]

00:41:25   a comparable tool tool but if they for [TS]

00:41:29   instance had a knife thrust the knife i [TS]

00:41:32   would love about plastic knife [TS]

00:41:34   see that's the thing this is what i'm [TS]

00:41:35   doing now this is what the terrorists do [TS]

00:41:37   ya plastic knives would knives but I [TS]

00:41:40   feel like if I up against somebody with [TS]

00:41:42   a wood knife i feel like i could also [TS]

00:41:46   improvising have a feeling that [TS]

00:41:47   something with they would probably trip [TS]

00:41:49   or something I think anybody who goes [TS]

00:41:50   into a fight with john robert with a win [TS]

00:41:52   tonight deserves whatever the fuck they [TS]

00:41:53   get yeah but if they're chasing a car [TS]

00:41:54   rust off the Cardinals like an iron man [TS]

00:41:57   wears down his power to use that kind of [TS]

00:41:59   the same things like the Emperor right [TS]

00:42:01   where she got a little bit you need to [TS]

00:42:02   rest in this case i would not even [TS]

00:42:04   wasting your powers on somebody with a [TS]

00:42:05   wooden knife I just beat the shit out of [TS]

00:42:07   you could be the shit out of him right [TS]

00:42:08   now because they're looking at me [TS]

00:42:09   they're thinking how is that are you [TS]

00:42:11   gonna use your rust powers here mr. guy [TS]

00:42:13   and I'd be like pow right in the know he [TS]

00:42:15   just makes me feel bad about himself [TS]

00:42:17   yeah that's just hey what's up with [TS]

00:42:18   knife nice-nice with knife would knife [TS]

00:42:22   so I think I think rest i think rusting [TS]

00:42:25   you know because my eventual goal as a [TS]

00:42:28   superhero is not to be part of a team of [TS]

00:42:32   you know do-gooders my little or as a [TS]

00:42:36   superhero is to you know is to bring [TS]

00:42:39   peace to the world I think there's a lot [TS]

00:42:41   of people start out that way Jonathan [TS]

00:42:42   messianic the super messy anyone so you [TS]

00:42:45   put on a robe and people follow your [TS]

00:42:46   arrest me arrest man is that what's the [TS]

00:42:48   name [TS]

00:42:48   no not not have to come up with [TS]

00:42:50   something I have to come up with you [TS]

00:42:51   know I'd be so far everything I've got [TS]

00:42:53   I don't like any specific I've got rust [TS]

00:42:55   man I've got I've got rusty right [TS]

00:42:59   not good i've got one this sound this [TS]

00:43:00   sounds like a good kid soccer team the [TS]

00:43:03   rust you mean just the rest the rust I'm [TS]

00:43:06   not just rust was it I know what is it [TS]

00:43:09   what is it what is dress it's like [TS]

00:43:10   oxidated metal yeah is it could be the [TS]

00:43:13   oxidizer I could be up to date or [TS]

00:43:16   oxidative tour that's pretty good i am [TS]

00:43:20   thought about that a lot of iron man [TS]

00:43:21   would just be like poof right I'm I [TS]

00:43:25   don't know he has the repulsor hang on [TS]

00:43:27   hand so you can like shoot repulsor [TS]

00:43:28   beams that shit [TS]

00:43:29   iron man is a pretty cool superhero [TS]

00:43:31   yes he's up like a pretty high-tech [TS]

00:43:32   Batman in a lot of ways you've got to [TS]

00:43:34   admire the guy but but but against the [TS]

00:43:36   against the rustic mater rusty what [TS]

00:43:41   rusty you would not want to get around [TS]

00:43:43   that you're resting cuz i think it will [TS]

00:43:44   be facing a lot of fucking with knives [TS]

00:43:45   that would be bad [TS]

00:43:47   yeah it could we add another thing that [TS]

00:43:48   you you would have maybe part of your so [TS]

00:43:51   if I could say and forgive me because [TS]

00:43:52   it's been all Marvel for me all the time [TS]

00:43:54   but what if you've got the rust power [TS]

00:43:55   like you've been developing that maybe [TS]

00:43:57   was it for a long time as a trouble for [TS]

00:43:59   you always let you might as touched by [TS]

00:44:00   cancer I'd be like that's great let me [TS]

00:44:03   blow let me play with your all right [TS]

00:44:05   kiss a girl with braces and that you can [TS]

00:44:06   open her mouth and you go out you're [TS]

00:44:09   like roping like I why am i killing all [TS]

00:44:11   these people why my last thing everybody [TS]

00:44:13   but the other thing is maybe part of [TS]

00:44:15   your rest ability is you also have an [TS]

00:44:17   innate sense of maybe it's not just you [TS]

00:44:20   can't be surprised but when you're aware [TS]

00:44:22   of something something threatening that [TS]

00:44:25   could be rusted getting near you i'll [TS]

00:44:27   send that metal meet you sense the metal [TS]

00:44:29   to me that's where the stress to really [TS]

00:44:30   come together and I've home did I hold [TS]

00:44:32   the power so that like for instance i [TS]

00:44:34   don't have to rush the whole gun now I [TS]

00:44:35   could just trust i can i can trust the [TS]

00:44:38   little spring on the inside of the gun [TS]

00:44:41   that would cause it can trust them you [TS]

00:44:43   can trust the muzzle just enough to blow [TS]

00:44:44   up his fucking face [TS]

00:44:46   ya see selected rust ecology and [TS]

00:44:48   conservation to bring it all together [TS]

00:44:50   the being in line the TSA line could be [TS]

00:44:52   a lot of fun when you don't when you're [TS]

00:44:54   rusty we got to get you a better name [TS]

00:44:56   Rusty's turn I don't like rest man i [TS]

00:44:58   think it sounds too old [TS]

00:44:59   ya later sounds like a bad guy that's [TS]

00:45:02   not good [TS]

00:45:03   it's got to be anything about it as I [TS]

00:45:04   think I would wear i think i would dress [TS]

00:45:06   like Tom Wolfe I'd wear white and and [TS]

00:45:12   then at the at the end of every battle [TS]

00:45:14   you know i would like to have to flick [TS]

00:45:16   little bit of rust off of my off my coat [TS]

00:45:19   whatever because that would be might [TS]

00:45:20   that be my er my community will not be [TS]

00:45:23   constantly trying to keep my jacket [TS]

00:45:24   light [TS]

00:45:25   ok so because it has to be something if [TS]

00:45:26   I know if I could just say again this is [TS]

00:45:28   your gig I would avoid DC I would go [TS]

00:45:30   Marvel because that's where the flood [TS]

00:45:31   people go with all respect and also you [TS]

00:45:34   got it helps if you have some kind of a [TS]

00:45:35   like a a is a gimmick but you got like [TS]

00:45:38   that for example captain america has a [TS]

00:45:41   shield [TS]

00:45:42   this Thor has a hammer which means got [TS]

00:45:45   this cool claws like I don't know this [TS]

00:45:47   will be part of your restaurant a [TS]

00:45:48   daredevil the blind guys got that cane [TS]

00:45:49   like it'd be kind of cool if you had [TS]

00:45:51   something that was part maybe i don't [TS]

00:45:54   know i don't even interesting to you but [TS]

00:45:55   something that you could use in the [TS]

00:45:57   service of your of your rusting [TS]

00:45:58   abilities or you know or whether it just [TS]

00:46:00   be handsome like a walking stick could [TS]

00:46:02   be nice or maybe a crop well I believe a [TS]

00:46:04   monocle [TS]

00:46:05   I've always been partial to sword cannes [TS]

00:46:07   the problem of the sword cane of course [TS]

00:46:10   is that I'm the rest later or whatever [TS]

00:46:12   the rest was rusted just fine Oh couple [TS]

00:46:18   I say that changes everything the red [TS]

00:46:21   Ferrari and he has his dreadlocks mind [TS]

00:46:23   bari and no God no that's going away [TS]

00:46:29   stuff farm so the coffee's okay that you [TS]

00:46:32   just have enough you don't know I mean I [TS]

00:46:34   don't judge you know I never judge you [TS]

00:46:36   ki that would be very bad i don't-- 6pm [TS]

00:46:38   I can't be drink I can be making another [TS]

00:46:40   pot so important I John as i get older [TS]

00:46:43   you talk about this is the first i can [TS]

00:46:45   also say the second that you mentioned [TS]

00:46:46   was it spicy pork em you put the word [TS]

00:46:49   spicy in front of any food and i'm back [TS]

00:46:51   in vancouver after i had some spicy tuna [TS]

00:46:53   and went to a sloan show i did not get [TS]

00:46:55   to see a lot of the slideshow [TS]

00:46:57   oh because the spicy tuna caused you to [TS]

00:46:59   have a have a the you had to do a dad [TS]

00:47:02   boner in the men's room dad boner [TS]

00:47:06   yeah yeah yeahs candidate call it too [TS]

00:47:08   explicit diarrhea but it was and the [TS]

00:47:10   thing is in Canada they love their [TS]

00:47:11   bathrooms they were a lot of jean jacket [TS]

00:47:12   for jean jackets [TS]

00:47:14   well the thing about Canada yeah is that [TS]

00:47:16   canada in some ways it's still 1987 in [TS]

00:47:20   Canada you just blew my mind right don't [TS]

00:47:24   know what I didn't have I didn't have a [TS]

00:47:26   way to put my finger on it but it'sit's [TS]

00:47:28   they're still it's still everybody still [TS]

00:47:30   went running tonight [TS]

00:47:31   that's right it is it is like I think [TS]

00:47:33   I've told you this before but I feel [TS]

00:47:34   like Canada is like the original 21 Jump [TS]

00:47:38   Street like everybody everybody's kind [TS]

00:47:41   of hip kind of groovy they're nowhere in [TS]

00:47:44   the kind of 1987 way and it's so [TS]

00:47:47   candidates like a polite like pilot for [TS]

00:47:50   the nineties yeah right exactly like the [TS]

00:47:53   gangs in Canada don't we're ready [TS]

00:47:55   blue handkerchiefs they were green and [TS]

00:47:57   yellow energies they know what Thank You [TS]

00:47:59   code is they know well then the head [TS]

00:48:03   like they don't want to they want to be [TS]

00:48:05   gangs but they don't want to be like oh [TS]

00:48:06   don't want to get the Crips upset bc [TS]

00:48:09   they came up with their own colors like [TS]

00:48:11   green i think if you have a checkered [TS]

00:48:13   hanky in your back right pocket means [TS]

00:48:15   you like to apologize and if you have in [TS]

00:48:17   your left pocket means you like to [TS]

00:48:18   apologize to [TS]

00:48:19   oh I see the Toronto hanky code up so [TS]

00:48:23   that those guys open for arcade fire [TS]

00:48:24   they're pretty great very complicated [TS]

00:48:26   when you're trying to negotiate whether [TS]

00:48:28   you're a top or a bottom because not [TS]

00:48:29   everybody is a top and I think I think [TS]

00:48:31   Canada's the bottom [TS]

00:48:32   well you would think that but there are [TS]

00:48:35   some pretty tough characters in Canada [TS]

00:48:36   they're just bottoms yeah there's some [TS]

00:48:40   pretty tough bottom some pretty [TS]

00:48:42   resilient bottoms me now we kid but i [TS]

00:48:46   mean i boy do I ever really like canada [TS]

00:48:48   canada new zealand you know I've only [TS]

00:48:49   been 24 countries but but the the two of [TS]

00:48:51   them i like a lot of canada new zealand [TS]

00:48:53   I hear I hear a new zealand they say New [TS]

00:48:56   Zealand is like England in the fifties [TS]

00:48:58   you mean declining up a simpler is [TS]

00:49:04   tingling us we're not on my list England [TS]

00:49:06   was fine that's nice what the third [TS]

00:49:07   country you have the 4 i've been to been [TS]

00:49:09   in New Zealand England Canada and [TS]

00:49:11   America anything up see what is today [TS]

00:49:15   for 74 countries huh well that's some [TS]

00:49:18   variation on the theme [TS]

00:49:21   well I really I'd reached a point in my [TS]

00:49:22   life where I had some things to think [TS]

00:49:24   about so i took a very long walk took a [TS]

00:49:26   very long walk from my office not to the [TS]

00:49:29   burrito place and then i got back i did [TS]

00:49:31   get tore the shit out of that goddamn [TS]

00:49:32   northface place [TS]

00:49:34   yes I said you gave me this family back [TS]

00:49:35   Danny pack broke while I was waiting for [TS]

00:49:38   my burrito my burrito my Bronco burrito [TS]

00:49:40   was there used to be a time when you [TS]

00:49:42   could depend on this is equipment could [TS]

00:49:43   save your life [TS]

00:49:45   that's right that's right I was [TS]

00:49:46   depending on this equipment i kinda love [TS]

00:49:49   that's everything that's what you say to [TS]

00:49:50   remember that people remember the story [TS]

00:49:52   John I think you have talked a lot if I [TS]

00:49:53   could say your show [TS]

00:49:55   I think you've taught a lot of people [TS]

00:49:56   not simply how to demand satisfaction [TS]

00:50:00   but how important it is that you do [TS]

00:50:02   demand satisfaction [TS]

00:50:04   you must demand satisfaction [TS]

00:50:05   people walk all over you otherwise I i [TS]

00:50:09   got a ticket the other day I parked in a [TS]

00:50:11   parking garage on a Sunday because I [TS]

00:50:13   because I i get tickets periodically is [TS]

00:50:17   sunday a holiday weekend this weekend [TS]

00:50:20   this is this yeah this was this was this [TS]

00:50:21   was a couple weeks ago but I went to the [TS]

00:50:24   i was driving downtown i was like i'm [TS]

00:50:25   gonna be in this I'm gonna be in this [TS]

00:50:27   rehearsal all afternoon and and I don't [TS]

00:50:30   want to get a ticket and I always I [TS]

00:50:31   always parked on the street and then I [TS]

00:50:33   get a ticket so I'm gonna outsmart him [TS]

00:50:35   this time in a park in the parking [TS]

00:50:36   garage and it was only later that I [TS]

00:50:38   realized it was sunday and there was no [TS]

00:50:39   parking no there was no charge for [TS]

00:50:42   parking so I i was already i was trying [TS]

00:50:45   to outsmart them and i outsmarted myself [TS]

00:50:47   i paid ten dollars to park in a garage [TS]

00:50:49   that was where I could just parked in [TS]

00:50:52   front right in front of where I was [TS]

00:50:53   going but then I come out later on that [TS]

00:50:56   night [TS]

00:50:56   there's a ticket on my windshield from [TS]

00:50:58   the parking garage people and I had paid [TS]

00:51:02   the amount and i looked at the ticket [TS]

00:51:05   and I looked at the receipt that I had [TS]

00:51:06   kept from the Machine and and I was like [TS]

00:51:10   this is this is a this is insane [TS]

00:51:14   like I did the thing they obviously [TS]

00:51:15   don't know what they're doing so I took [TS]

00:51:18   these things as you do to my mom and I [TS]

00:51:23   said can you make sense of this and she [TS]

00:51:26   said I'm gonna write them a strongly [TS]

00:51:28   worded letter and she did that she goes [TS]

00:51:31   down to the mark cak she went down to [TS]

00:51:34   her Batcave at where her Butler said up [TS]

00:51:40   welcome home a stew for a computer [TS]

00:51:44   Butler and she said a strongly worded [TS]

00:51:45   letter to these people and they wrote [TS]

00:51:48   back that they wrote back to the like a [TS]

00:51:50   three-word response there like ticket is [TS]

00:51:52   cancelled it was like what [TS]

00:51:56   well yes first of all but second of all [TS]

00:51:58   how many people first of all have a mom [TS]

00:52:02   who has a Batcave how many people [TS]

00:52:05   actually write the strongly worded [TS]

00:52:06   letter a small percentage [TS]

00:52:09   yeah and and these people are just like [TS]

00:52:11   their blanket ticketing everybody [TS]

00:52:13   ah and then you know and then you get [TS]

00:52:15   into this collection process we don't [TS]

00:52:17   pay the thing [TS]

00:52:18   and your double and then finally you pay [TS]

00:52:20   it just to get him off your back [TS]

00:52:22   what a fucking racket John you need to [TS]

00:52:25   demand satisfaction and i'm trying to [TS]

00:52:27   think of a way to demand satisfaction [TS]

00:52:28   from these ticket people with John that [TS]

00:52:31   what you got was an answer but it's not [TS]

00:52:33   a solution and is far from satisfaction [TS]

00:52:35   that's right i don't get it you can get [TS]

00:52:37   an explanation i think they should have [TS]

00:52:38   been an explanation there they're [TS]

00:52:39   definitely should have been an apology [TS]

00:52:41   they're probably should have been some [TS]

00:52:42   kind of a gift for you and your mom [TS]

00:52:43   doesn't understand she could put in the [TS]

00:52:45   cave i would have accepted a gift you [TS]

00:52:47   know like a small gift like a personal [TS]

00:52:49   gift a token gift like a pen [TS]

00:52:50   mm if they had sent like a selection of [TS]

00:52:54   keels a awesome isn't something I [TS]

00:52:57   screams screams I would have accepted [TS]

00:52:59   that there was arcing free parking would [TS]

00:53:01   be nice [TS]

00:53:02   a card that gives me free parking that [TS]

00:53:04   would be nice there's a lot of gifts you [TS]

00:53:06   could give you should get to punch the [TS]

00:53:07   guy gave you the ticket not hard but [TS]

00:53:09   like you should you should have the [TS]

00:53:10   opportunity to confront your accuser [TS]

00:53:12   yeah right in the shit you should get to [TS]

00:53:13   hear them maybe you get to hold them not [TS]

00:53:15   hard but like lightly by the collar [TS]

00:53:17   because they seem to have a uniform and [TS]

00:53:18   a collar these glasses in my budget you [TS]

00:53:20   pick him up you hold them up in there [TS]

00:53:21   like your fucking Batman and you get to [TS]

00:53:23   have him give you in full sentences [TS]

00:53:25   apology that satisfies you [TS]

00:53:28   yeah i would I I thought about that i [TS]

00:53:31   thought about like wanting to stop on [TS]

00:53:32   this guy's toes but then I realized that [TS]

00:53:34   probably if I would if I were confronted [TS]

00:53:36   by the guy that gave me the ticket i [TS]

00:53:39   would see right away that he was from [TS]

00:53:40   Somalia and I would look into his eyes [TS]

00:53:43   and I would realize that he had seen [TS]

00:53:44   war-torn lands that he had been using I [TS]

00:53:49   was alive you're such a sucker you know [TS]

00:53:52   lives in Somalia and if they're not dead [TS]

00:53:54   fucking warlords and pirates planet do [TS]

00:53:58   not apologize for this guy John just got [TS]

00:54:00   a good time playing Cleveland it's like [TS]

00:54:02   the Nazi in Cleveland [TS]

00:54:03   I don't you know just because you get [TS]

00:54:05   old doesn't mean they're morons York [TS]

00:54:06   tanya is not sin x right that's what was [TS]

00:54:11   the chicken tillow Chikatilo I think [TS]

00:54:13   what's his name the guy killed people in [TS]

00:54:14   Russia if he might be the greatest [TS]

00:54:16   serial killer of all time we don't know [TS]

00:54:18   that Chikatilo night HBO show got a guy [TS]

00:54:22   in the eighties yeah yeah the other Nazi [TS]

00:54:24   and clean line and me I think he died [TS]

00:54:25   they all die eventually [TS]

00:54:28   now [TS]

00:54:30   I don't know John I gotta say I you know [TS]

00:54:31   I don't like to talk too much about [TS]

00:54:33   Hitler on here but I'm gonna say [TS]

00:54:34   Nuremberg you know I think when you go [TS]

00:54:36   in there and you do not pick up the [TS]

00:54:37   Somalian by his collar or not his collar [TS]

00:54:39   and demand satisfaction [TS]

00:54:40   I think your castle you're basically [TS]

00:54:42   letting the Brownshirts win i see so [TS]

00:54:44   you're saying that that that I should [TS]

00:54:46   not let someone's a refugee status from [TS]

00:54:50   a war-torn a like and are an archaic [TS]

00:54:54   African nation by obviate might need for [TS]

00:54:58   satisfaction about being ticketed [TS]

00:55:00   improperly can I be honest with you [TS]

00:55:03   yes I don't talk about politics but I do [TS]

00:55:05   know this I do know that at the time [TS]

00:55:07   that you start overthinking this shit [TS]

00:55:09   you John Roderick as soon as you start [TS]

00:55:12   overthinking this and start wondering if [TS]

00:55:13   somebody from fucking Somalia you're [TS]

00:55:15   going to not only stop helping other [TS]

00:55:16   people [TS]

00:55:17   my concerns are gonna stop helping [TS]

00:55:18   yourself I mean seriously with the John [TS]

00:55:21   Rother 45 years ago [TS]

00:55:23   you're John Rocker was finally [TS]

00:55:24   discovering his rust abilities you have [TS]

00:55:26   electronic think twice about then go out [TS]

00:55:28   like that might be his mom's knife [TS]

00:55:29   no it's true it's true another thing you [TS]

00:55:31   should be a dick I'm just saying that [TS]

00:55:33   you know you are refugee from my [TS]

00:55:34   war-torn country does not give you the [TS]

00:55:36   right i mean you're here in America now [TS]

00:55:38   write anything that's looking listen to [TS]

00:55:40   your ticket people report we describe a [TS]

00:55:42   50-year old man with one term like one [TS]

00:55:45   right you got one bullet once index card [TS]

00:55:47   on this guy and that he's from somali [TS]

00:55:49   how do you know that he is in a huge [TS]

00:55:51   cock that's true he could be a war lower [TS]

00:55:53   because i'm thinking i might start [TS]

00:55:54   telling people that I'm a small in [TS]

00:55:55   refugee and suddenly i get if you like a [TS]

00:55:57   a get-out-of-jail-free card i get free [TS]

00:55:59   parking for the rest of my fucking life [TS]

00:56:01   looking at you I think most people would [TS]

00:56:03   have a hard time believing that you were [TS]

00:56:04   from Somalia and that's just exactly the [TS]

00:56:06   kind that is exactly the kind of [TS]

00:56:08   prejudice that I face the garage every [TS]

00:56:10   single day people home in my god i hate [TS]

00:56:12   i hate to interrupt you and Jon Simeon [TS]

00:56:14   York yes died March seventeenth 2012 st. [TS]

00:56:18   Patrick's Day just two months ago [TS]

00:56:21   is that right he lived until two months [TS]

00:56:23   ago he practicing it together parade [TS]

00:56:25   they love parades [TS]

00:56:26   you know they have a saint patrick's day [TS]

00:56:28   i'm guessing and clean there's a lot of [TS]

00:56:30   poles ironically enough in a frenzy [TS]

00:56:32   Polish man was he at one of the big [TS]

00:56:33   camps and he was Ukrainian [TS]

00:56:36   ok yeah I'm you and the other grain it's [TS]

00:56:39   a Ukraine he was a Nazi in the Ukraine [TS]

00:56:41   didn't have an outpost there did that [TS]

00:56:44   the Nazis yeah yeah sure they they [TS]

00:56:48   invaded that's pretty far west right [TS]

00:56:50   east I I thought the whole problem was [TS]

00:56:54   they didn't opponent thing again how to [TS]

00:56:56   get all the way to Ukraine Ukraine is in [TS]

00:56:59   between a germany and russia so the they [TS]

00:57:02   took over the Ukraine on their way [TS]

00:57:05   station from their way they're on their [TS]

00:57:08   way to Moscow but i know that the time [TS]

00:57:10   of course the Ukraine was part of the [TS]

00:57:12   USSR right so it just seemed like we [TS]

00:57:15   always say Russia mean yeah that's [TS]

00:57:17   that's like calling United States iowa [TS]

00:57:19   he was so he was in the Ukraine so he [TS]

00:57:21   was a Russian he would you know and he [TS]

00:57:23   was drafted into the Russian army has [TS]

00:57:25   been he was a prisoner of war the soviet [TS]

00:57:28   fishy right exactly [TS]

00:57:31   he was a vichy guy he he went with the [TS]

00:57:33   he went over to the other side [TS]

00:57:36   ok and so booboo dum-dum yet who you [TS]

00:57:40   don't know him [TS]

00:57:41   now double-time York know that bad a [TS]

00:57:44   couple questions about world war two now [TS]

00:57:45   is it now Hitler did a lot of bad stuff [TS]

00:57:47   you did you but is it stands for that [TS]

00:57:50   isn't it kind of you tell me it seems to [TS]

00:57:52   me that like one of the stupidest things [TS]

00:57:53   he did was trying to go to Russia is it [TS]

00:57:55   didn't Polian have kind of the same [TS]

00:57:57   problem he loves compared himself to all [TS]

00:57:59   these other guys he's going to be the [TS]

00:58:00   Caesar third right gonna let thousand [TS]

00:58:02   years but it isn't kind of stupid to try [TS]

00:58:04   and march into into the Soviet Union but [TS]

00:58:06   it wasn't kind of a dumb move but you [TS]

00:58:08   know this is a lot of this is a [TS]

00:58:09   different podcast we need to have a [TS]

00:58:10   podcast where you and I refined [TS]

00:58:12   different a different episode or should [TS]

00:58:14   we start a new property uh you know new [TS]

00:58:16   property i think i hit learning stuff [TS]

00:58:18   and we headed here we could have that be [TS]

00:58:20   one where we could have guests because I [TS]

00:58:22   there are so many i am i've learned [TS]

00:58:26   maybe want to hold to account for some [TS]

00:58:27   at their their their I've learned from [TS]

00:58:30   internet there are a lot of guys who [TS]

00:58:31   want to talk about world war two and we [TS]

00:58:33   can have on the program and they could [TS]

00:58:35   tell us if you want to get your silkworm [TS]

00:58:37   if you like some songs are about a lot [TS]

00:58:39   but if you about world war 2i think one [TS]

00:58:41   of the guys I think might have been the [TS]

00:58:43   guitar player was his name not Tim but [TS]

00:58:45   the other guy i think he said give me [TS]

00:58:47   support [TS]

00:58:47   yeah well I mean I saw my dad [TS]

00:58:49   cancer and Madame yeah unless of course [TS]

00:58:51   I mean I stood around the backstage and [TS]

00:58:54   they were backstage and I don't know [TS]

00:58:55   what they might have looked at me and [TS]

00:58:56   Tim seems nice but I don't know I think [TS]

00:58:59   you're I think you're right i think a [TS]

00:59:00   lot of people indie-rock enjoy world war [TS]

00:59:01   2i think you can you guys send me a [TS]

00:59:03   tweet yesterday saying here's the tweet [TS]

00:59:05   ready yeah discuss world war 2 i'll come [TS]

00:59:08   on with that mr. Ellison I have no idea [TS]

00:59:10   who was like that you might be getting [TS]

00:59:12   followed by mr. get listen who's that is [TS]

00:59:15   that a thing I don't know he's the guy [TS]

00:59:17   that had the last did where you have [TS]

00:59:19   your final right mr. Douglas and mr. [TS]

00:59:22   Dedalus I doubt he's on Twitter you said [TS]

00:59:24   he sounded like a real hard-ass I think [TS]

00:59:25   I you know a man like him i don't know i [TS]

00:59:28   thought the keys moved up the Bifrost is [TS]

00:59:30   deep and a scarred at this point you [TS]

00:59:32   know Hitler and stuff i'm gonna capture [TS]

00:59:34   that stuff stuff but isn't that so a lot [TS]

00:59:37   of the reno this is boring you don't [TS]

00:59:38   want to either you really don't want to [TS]

00:59:40   invade Russia and I'm saying this now [TS]

00:59:41   you got the supply chain you gotta get [TS]

00:59:43   all the way Katniss all kinds of sources [TS]

00:59:45   where can breakers bad it's just there's [TS]

00:59:47   a lot of reasons and it's cold and you [TS]

00:59:50   did there yeah that's right it's very [TS]

00:59:52   cool [TS]

00:59:52   uh to all of our listeners if you even [TS]

00:59:55   if you're ever in a situation where [TS]

00:59:57   you've taken over Europe and you have [TS]

00:59:59   you have [TS]

00:59:59   you have [TS]

01:00:00   most of it in iron grip of russia alone [TS]

01:00:02   just leave it alone [TS]

01:00:04   so you're saying don't have ambition [TS]

01:00:06   you're not you're not saying stop at the [TS]

01:00:08   low-hanging fruit as we used to say [TS]

01:00:09   you're saying it's okay go up the tree [TS]

01:00:11   little bit grab some fruit but it [TS]

01:00:12   doesn't mean you try to take down the [TS]

01:00:13   whole orchard in the middle of winter [TS]

01:00:15   I'm saying that that's really not what [TS]

01:00:18   you're saying I wasn't steer steer your [TS]

01:00:20   ambitions yeah like turkey by all means [TS]

01:00:24   invade turkey we don't want one to 10 [TS]

01:00:26   how hardest turkey pretty hard [TS]

01:00:29   the Turks they want their hard-assed [TS]

01:00:31   writer fighters they're fighters [TS]

01:00:33   okay so you got it like am 27 but [TS]

01:00:35   there's a lot of reason to invade turkey [TS]

01:00:37   because you would gain control of the [TS]

01:00:40   Dardanelles you would gain control of [TS]

01:00:42   access to the Black Sea [TS]

01:00:44   okay then let the mountain goats guy [TS]

01:00:45   that's not what's Russia are going to do [TS]

01:00:47   yet the john darnell haha that was that [TS]

01:00:53   was that a laugh for looking such as [TS]

01:00:59   somebody said to me at one point you [TS]

01:01:00   guys need a unique off of mutes or [TS]

01:01:03   something time you need to shut up I was [TS]

01:01:05   like calm you copy its that's part of [TS]

01:01:07   the show [TS]

01:01:08   what do you think we are cough mute you [TS]

01:01:10   know what that cost now in Hogan's [TS]

01:01:12   Heroes when they would threaten to send [TS]

01:01:13   such a couple more [TS]

01:01:14   what's your question directly when they [TS]

01:01:16   were threatening usually i think was [TS]

01:01:17   general Burkhalter eaten or sometimes [TS]

01:01:20   the Eastern Front has an Eastern Front [TS]

01:01:23   now is the East who are they fighting on [TS]

01:01:24   is that that's not the Japanese who's on [TS]

01:01:26   the eastern Russia that's the start to [TS]

01:01:28   the Russians oh I'm starts the German so [TS]

01:01:30   they're the ones moving east [TS]

01:01:31   you got to get this to the Soviets [TS]

01:01:33   holding the line and then the whole [TS]

01:01:34   reason we got the satellite nations from [TS]

01:01:36   the post-war on is they say no more [TS]

01:01:38   never again will a drop of Soviet blood [TS]

01:01:41   be spilled on Soviet soil if you're [TS]

01:01:43   gonna shoot you got you got to do in [TS]

01:01:45   Czechoslovakia was at the idea [TS]

01:01:46   Wow ah my senses like this i should say [TS]

01:01:51   this paper and stuff yeah i think i [TS]

01:01:53   think that the idea of the the idea of [TS]

01:01:55   soviet communism was that it was [TS]

01:01:58   inevitable from their perspective that [TS]

01:02:00   we're going to talk about war i don't [TS]

01:02:01   know anything about politics at the [TS]

01:02:03   entire world was one day going to be [TS]

01:02:05   communists weather and anyway it was [TS]

01:02:07   going to have to get if revolutions were [TS]

01:02:10   going to sweep the land then it then [TS]

01:02:13   and then the communism had to be had to [TS]

01:02:15   be gifted to people in the form of [TS]

01:02:18   imposing it on them and new transitive [TS]

01:02:20   verbs did your Italian communism all [TS]

01:02:24   like like all young men my age I said [TS]

01:02:31   that is a very contradictory term i'd [TS]

01:02:33   spend a feeling all men who 30 years ago [TS]

01:02:37   were younger I spent a few months in [TS]

01:02:42   ninth grade very enamored with communism [TS]

01:02:47   as Anna and I spend I did like like like [TS]

01:02:49   you hear a lot of God college freshman I [TS]

01:02:52   did the whole like you-know-who soviet [TS]

01:02:56   communism is not communism communism [TS]

01:02:59   itself as you know Marxism itself I'm [TS]

01:03:02   has been a lot of years in college are [TS]

01:03:04   Marxists universities are full of [TS]

01:03:07   Marxists but but no I i was i was never [TS]

01:03:12   like that what i would hold you back i [TS]

01:03:13   mean he never got a hat you never gonna [TS]

01:03:15   check with our poster you never [TS]

01:03:16   pretended to read less capital you just [TS]

01:03:19   it didn't even read all that stuff it's [TS]

01:03:21   just how you always owned your own means [TS]

01:03:23   of production that you always gets it [TS]

01:03:28   always very quickly gets to the heart of [TS]

01:03:30   the the Hobbesian question is man [TS]

01:03:33   basically good newsman basically evil [TS]

01:03:34   you know communism communism and Marxism [TS]

01:03:38   ultimately depends on people making [TS]

01:03:43   sacrifices for the greater good and and [TS]

01:03:48   personal experience has shown that [TS]

01:03:51   people are very much willing to make [TS]

01:03:53   sacrifices for the greater good within [TS]

01:03:55   limited contexts but maybe the problem [TS]

01:03:59   is it's not necessarily for the good [TS]

01:04:00   when now wants you to make stealing your [TS]

01:04:02   backyard with a grill and then you don't [TS]

01:04:05   get food and stuff in that the part that [TS]

01:04:08   drives me crazy i was very interested in [TS]

01:04:10   Marxism really experienced the promise [TS]

01:04:12   of criticism the premise of it is the [TS]

01:04:14   first premise of it is very idealistic [TS]

01:04:16   it's more idealistic than Christianity I [TS]

01:04:18   don't talk about religion but it's [TS]

01:04:19   barely possible politics listen you go [TS]

01:04:21   oh my god I think I just politics [TS]

01:04:23   oh my god only now Mitt Romney joke [TS]

01:04:25   who we can meet our maker car to put it [TS]

01:04:29   on the wall the day that Merlin started [TS]

01:04:30   talking about politics is that Jerry [TS]

01:04:32   Lewis movie today the day the clock the [TS]

01:04:38   good friday the internet cried [TS]

01:04:40   ya Jaane we've got a heavenly stuff [TS]

01:04:43   needs to happen i don't know it's [TS]

01:04:44   probably you know what you know we [TS]

01:04:45   should do we should record it and never [TS]

01:04:46   release it [TS]

01:04:47   I could our Hitler and stuff podcast [TS]

01:04:49   well yeah I mean because i think it's [TS]

01:04:51   something only put this way I don't be [TS]

01:04:52   selfish it's something that would help [TS]

01:04:53   me a lot and it's not i don't know if [TS]

01:04:55   other people people are already getting [TS]

01:04:57   so much help from you on a regular basis [TS]

01:04:58   that you know what they might be selfish [TS]

01:05:00   for me to keep it to myself that I could [TS]

01:05:02   feel like I could learn a lot about [TS]

01:05:03   Hitler from you [TS]

01:05:04   well there that I get this from people a [TS]

01:05:06   lot because I i think people want a want [TS]

01:05:08   to know about the wars because they [TS]

01:05:10   sense that that learning about world war [TS]

01:05:12   two are learning about world war one is [TS]

01:05:14   going to contextualize the world for [TS]

01:05:17   them they are even just captain america [TS]

01:05:19   or just make them understand what's the [TS]

01:05:21   story behind captain america is um and I [TS]

01:05:24   think that that's true but but a but you [TS]

01:05:27   know I grew up I grew up literally [TS]

01:05:29   soaking in World War two [TS]

01:05:31   I was literally soaking in a great coach [TS]

01:05:34   and you get to get water showcase sorry [TS]

01:05:41   please go there was out there in your [TS]

01:05:43   life in Alaska you get five channels and [TS]

01:05:47   you're literally soaking in warm [TS]

01:05:48   literally soaking in war [TS]

01:05:50   my dad was a World War two veteran but i [TS]

01:05:52   was i was from the big you know when i [TS]

01:05:54   was when i was a young man it was during [TS]

01:05:56   the Vietnam War and it was on television [TS]

01:05:58   I was not a manual obviously I was a [TS]

01:06:01   child but but interested in war but so I [TS]

01:06:04   grew up knowing about world war two from [TS]

01:06:06   the front from my earliest times as a as [TS]

01:06:09   a boy and everything that I learned [TS]

01:06:12   about world war two as i got older i was [TS]

01:06:14   able to add to this body of knowledge [TS]

01:06:17   about it so that I can't remember a time [TS]

01:06:20   when I didn't have I didn't have an [TS]

01:06:23   understanding of the guy remember when I [TS]

01:06:26   didn't have an understanding war one I [TS]

01:06:28   had to go back and learn about World War [TS]

01:06:30   the world war 2 i've always known about [TS]

01:06:32   that and so I can't I can't I can't [TS]

01:06:37   picture a how you would be a modern [TS]

01:06:42   person and not have an understanding of [TS]

01:06:44   of of that conflict you know like it to [TS]

01:06:46   go back and I it's not that I wouldn't [TS]

01:06:49   know where to start but now well this is [TS]

01:06:52   this is actually super interesting given [TS]

01:06:53   herself where you are because you sound [TS]

01:06:55   a little bit like a minor or possibly a [TS]

01:06:56   terrier he is another dog that the the [TS]

01:06:59   diggers you said he's not like somebody [TS]

01:07:00   where you say like I you know I was [TS]

01:07:02   raised on a farm [TS]

01:07:03   I can't imagine not understanding cattle [TS]

01:07:06   like you you've been in the given that [TS]

01:07:08   you have soaked in a war right and there [TS]

01:07:10   are other people want around gonna [TS]

01:07:11   understand which end of milk right quick [TS]

01:07:13   right but she--but but you know the [TS]

01:07:14   facts now your father d serving France [TS]

01:07:16   where was he no no he was a Navy pilot [TS]

01:07:18   in the Pacific oh man that must have [TS]

01:07:20   been scary [TS]

01:07:21   well you know you're in an airplane so [TS]

01:07:23   but I mean like even before like that [TS]

01:07:25   you know they're the whispers about the [TS]

01:07:26   camps but like people people knew with [TS]

01:07:28   the Japanese were doing to people right [TS]

01:07:30   like the only they knew what happened if [TS]

01:07:32   your plane went down anyway it was not [TS]

01:07:33   gonna be pretty [TS]

01:07:34   that's why I have my father's pistol he [TS]

01:07:37   was issued a a 45 you know 1911 model 45 [TS]

01:07:43   pistol as a as a Navy pilot early in the [TS]

01:07:45   war any war in a shoulder holster and [TS]

01:07:50   and then you know later on in the war [TS]

01:07:53   the rumors started getting out that what [TS]

01:07:57   a lot of pilots were doing was they were [TS]

01:07:58   taking these 45 caliber bullets and they [TS]

01:08:00   were using their knife to etch across in [TS]

01:08:04   me in the the top of the bullet in the [TS]

01:08:08   you know in the actual bullet the lad [TS]

01:08:10   lad so that when the bullet hit it would [TS]

01:08:13   explode the you know what kind of it was [TS]

01:08:15   a like a fake dum-dum bullet the blow [TS]

01:08:17   itself would explode and do more damage [TS]

01:08:19   and the Japanese you know said that [TS]

01:08:24   thats it thats unfair that's bad that's [TS]

01:08:26   bad war-making and they they issued some [TS]

01:08:30   kind of directive where they said if we [TS]

01:08:32   capture a an American pilot and he has [TS]

01:08:35   one of these guns these forty-fives [TS]

01:08:38   we're just going to kill him right away [TS]

01:08:39   because [TS]

01:08:41   because the gun itself is unfair and so [TS]

01:08:46   they think that's a pretty high level [TS]

01:08:47   thinking yeah so they recalled that the [TS]

01:08:50   US Navy recall the 45 and they issued 38 [TS]

01:08:54   you know revolvers to all the pilots and [TS]

01:08:58   my dad being a Roderick he said that he [TS]

01:09:02   had lost his being in erotic they said [TS]

01:09:07   full-court see to it that they said oh [TS]

01:09:09   alright here's the 38 so he is so for [TS]

01:09:11   the rest of the war he carried the 45 in [TS]

01:09:13   the shoulder holster in the 38 and some [TS]

01:09:16   other holder fucking badass and then at [TS]

01:09:18   the end of the war he had to turn in his [TS]

01:09:20   that is 38 but he kept the 45 and you [TS]

01:09:24   still got that around i have it and I [TS]

01:09:25   actually took it to a gunsmith one time [TS]

01:09:27   in and they all gathered around it and [TS]

01:09:30   they were like oh my god this is amazing [TS]

01:09:31   because according to them according to [TS]

01:09:34   these guys this 1911 model was actually [TS]

01:09:38   the first model it was issued in world [TS]

01:09:41   war one when you see 1911 you don't [TS]

01:09:44   design you mean manufactured know that's [TS]

01:09:46   what it was designed by ok that's what [TS]

01:09:47   it's called but this gun was it was in [TS]

01:09:49   the first batch of them made during [TS]

01:09:52   World War one and he and and and i guess [TS]

01:09:55   the gun was made and then it sat in a in [TS]

01:09:57   a arms depot for all the interwar years [TS]

01:10:01   just SAT there on the shelf and was [TS]

01:10:03   issued to my dad in World War two [TS]

01:10:05   so this gun at seven and they're all [TS]

01:10:07   like this gun would be worth a ton of [TS]

01:10:11   money thousands and thousands of dollars [TS]

01:10:14   except sometime in the seventies my dad [TS]

01:10:16   had it reblued pinched because it was [TS]

01:10:21   like tattered or whatever he was like he [TS]

01:10:23   took it in and had a tree [TS]

01:10:24   blued and they said yeah that that [TS]

01:10:26   ruined it oh no not as a gun they said [TS]

01:10:28   it's a great gun but as a as a [TS]

01:10:31   collector's item that he had taken [TS]

01:10:33   anti-scratch that would've broken his [TS]

01:10:34   heart [TS]

01:10:35   yeah if it's still worth the time it's [TS]

01:10:36   still worth more money you know it's [TS]

01:10:38   still worth money but but it but it it's [TS]

01:10:40   exactly the antiques roadshow think if [TS]

01:10:42   he had left the original finish is a [TS]

01:10:44   cult [TS]

01:10:44   it's a cold United States pistol caliber [TS]

01:10:46   45 m1911 that's right [TS]

01:10:49   that is such a fucking cool looking gun [TS]

01:10:51   and that's a heavy heavy gun bigger well [TS]

01:10:54   we at one time [TS]

01:10:55   don't talk out of school but the ones I [TS]

01:10:56   don't come back your deck is that's such [TS]

01:10:57   an amazing story but the one time we [TS]

01:10:59   went and shot guns together [TS]

01:11:01   yeah man I you know and he's not one of [TS]

01:11:04   those doing you a 45 and I had to stop [TS]

01:11:05   at 245 245 was just too much even got [TS]

01:11:08   all the earplugs it was just the recall [TS]

01:11:10   what we call it the other reviews just [TS]

01:11:12   it was like I can't have this in my hand [TS]

01:11:13   it was too much it was so loud [TS]

01:11:15   so you never did the 44 Magnum know you [TS]

01:11:18   that you were shooting them for Eric was [TS]

01:11:20   doing great Eric was hitting everything [TS]

01:11:21   if I remember everyone's games Jonathan [TS]

01:11:23   Rothman wasn't was it was a he was a [TS]

01:11:25   Deadeye dick [TS]

01:11:26   yeah cool as we school yeah cool this is [TS]

01:11:30   a really that is so cool that you got [TS]

01:11:32   that by i don't know i mean i've spent [TS]

01:11:34   my evenings you know and again i'm a [TS]

01:11:36   wacker at this but I mean I spent my [TS]

01:11:37   evenings you know reading a lot on [TS]

01:11:39   wikipedia about something is like a all [TS]

01:11:42   the history i wish i would have known in [TS]

01:11:43   high school and picking up now and just [TS]

01:11:45   the stuff toward the end I mean [TS]

01:11:47   obviously Bataan Death March being you [TS]

01:11:48   know kind of obvious apotheosis but a [TS]

01:11:50   great well-known example but it was just [TS]

01:11:53   pretty miserable what they were going to [TS]

01:11:54   american prisoners I'm just thinking [TS]

01:11:57   that like you know it would suck to be [TS]

01:11:59   captured by the germans and going to an [TS]

01:12:00   uncomfortable camp but it was probably [TS]

01:12:03   was not any andersonville whereas with [TS]

01:12:05   the Japanese were doing was just just I [TS]

01:12:08   mean inhuman is the only way to put it [TS]

01:12:10   the way that they would treat American [TS]

01:12:11   prisoners [TS]

01:12:12   what was that but you have to also i [TS]

01:12:13   think taking the context that the [TS]

01:12:15   Japanese living out there and you know [TS]

01:12:19   you know well strung across all these [TS]

01:12:22   archipelagos they had no supplies either [TS]

01:12:25   without in March that's what I had the [TS]

01:12:27   March that that was the that was the the [TS]

01:12:29   flimsy cover for it anyway [TS]

01:12:31   was that we couldn't wait ships on this [TS]

01:12:32   we already can't feed our own people [TS]

01:12:34   right no one was no one was living high [TS]

01:12:36   on the hog out there the living that [TS]

01:12:38   made the German camps in addition to the [TS]

01:12:40   mass murder with gas money Americans [TS]

01:12:45   though nobody will ok let's say let's [TS]

01:12:48   say a prisoner-of-war camp in Germany I [TS]

01:12:50   mean the German like prison guards were [TS]

01:12:55   drinking champagne French Champagne [TS]

01:12:58   French sham things on the champagne [TS]

01:13:00   region [TS]

01:13:01   yeah that's right and they were probably [TS]

01:13:04   said you know they were probably [TS]

01:13:05   probably the camp a commander [TS]

01:13:08   her was practicing his oil painting in [TS]

01:13:12   the afternoon but sitting to vote next [TS]

01:13:14   listening to partner whereas they didn't [TS]

01:13:16   really gay thing we act like you're [TS]

01:13:17   conducting that the japanese [TS]

01:13:19   prisoner-of-war camps the camp guards [TS]

01:13:22   themselves were eating roaches [TS]

01:13:24   oh yeah you're eating wrote Roach [TS]

01:13:26   sandwiches and so there wasn't like much [TS]

01:13:29   left over for them for the American but [TS]

01:13:31   i guess i'm getting at is do you have [TS]

01:13:33   you talked to someone when did you ever [TS]

01:13:35   get to talk to dad about that was he [TS]

01:13:36   aware of what he was facing if he went [TS]

01:13:38   down over the Pacific oh absolutely but [TS]

01:13:41   those guys were all 22 years old I mean [TS]

01:13:42   was I learned when I was 22 years old [TS]

01:13:44   when I was facing if I whatever if i [TS]

01:13:48   simply please continue [TS]

01:13:50   I wanna hear I wanna hear the part of [TS]

01:13:53   your great lost years that was like the [TS]

01:13:55   design that much anyone [TS]

01:13:58   once I might have a lot to drink and [TS]

01:13:59   then they randomly shot three of us for [TS]

01:14:01   no reason but my buddy was infected and [TS]

01:14:05   had dysentery so I'm got another run [TS]

01:14:07   like a like a lost the leg just as [TS]

01:14:09   easily as one of those guys that was [TS]

01:14:10   great that was when you're 22 you really [TS]

01:14:12   do think it's like that usually you [TS]

01:14:14   really really do think that you are a [TS]

01:14:16   survivor at that point and if you're 22 [TS]

01:14:18   years old and fighting in a war you [TS]

01:14:20   really do think that it's like ain't no [TS]

01:14:24   thing I mean my dad flew you did not fly [TS]

01:14:27   a fighter plans he flew to DC threes or [TS]

01:14:29   a c-47 the transport plane [TS]

01:14:31   ok but he tells all these stories about [TS]

01:14:33   like there was an anti-aircraft gun on [TS]

01:14:35   the bridge and so we flew under the [TS]

01:14:37   bridge and they could get the gun down [TS]

01:14:39   fast enough you know we flew under her [TS]

01:14:41   or I he he tells a story and I I I how [TS]

01:14:45   do you verify this there's no way to do [TS]

01:14:46   it don't you see that's fucking awesome [TS]

01:14:48   it tells the story he comes to the [TS]

01:14:51   clouds and his airplane he got thrown [TS]

01:14:52   out of college [TS]

01:14:53   he's not into pic he sees a he sees a [TS]

01:14:56   plane coming at hermes and it's coming [TS]

01:14:58   straight at him and he's looking at in [TS]

01:15:00   the distance and he's like what kind of [TS]

01:15:01   plane is that you like and it's it's [TS]

01:15:03   pointed directly at him so it's much [TS]

01:15:05   harder to tell what kind of plane it is [TS]

01:15:06   and he's looking at the plane and it's [TS]

01:15:08   coming straight at him and he's thinking [TS]

01:15:10   what is that I don't know what it is and [TS]

01:15:14   then he realizes it's a0 it's a Japanese [TS]

01:15:16   like straight at him [TS]

01:15:18   and he's flying straight it and it is [TS]

01:15:21   super maneuverable right there super [TS]

01:15:24   maneuverable my dad's plan is not right [TS]

01:15:26   and so he's looking at me done and the [TS]

01:15:28   button the batplane is not varying off [TS]

01:15:29   of course and his plan is interfering [TS]

01:15:31   off course and in his version of the [TS]

01:15:35   story of failing to know what else to do [TS]

01:15:39   he opens the side window in the cockpit [TS]

01:15:42   pulls this 45 that I have stone out [TS]

01:15:45   sticks it out the window and fires like [TS]

01:15:50   eight rounds at the at the zero and then [TS]

01:15:56   grab the stick and pulls straight up and [TS]

01:16:00   goes up into a cloud in the city have a [TS]

01:16:04   lot of stories like that never never saw [TS]

01:16:06   the plane again so he assumed that he [TS]

01:16:08   shot it down 0 didn't come after him so [TS]

01:16:12   he assumes that he shot him a scare them [TS]

01:16:14   off with his pistol [TS]

01:16:16   yeah that's what I was my they really [TS]

01:16:19   were the greatest generation they really [TS]

01:16:21   were they were the greatest greatest [TS]

01:16:23   generation the most most full of shit [TS]

01:16:25   generation but that's a bit that sort of [TS]

01:16:27   me that's the most every that time broke [TS]

01:16:29   up the most bullshit generation [TS]

01:16:31   ya know I couldn't get through the first [TS]

01:16:33   chapter of my favorite story of my data [TS]

01:16:36   he said he was you know who's landing [TS]

01:16:38   landing supplies landing ammunition and [TS]

01:16:40   and so what he would do is Atlanta that [TS]

01:16:44   the Americans would would be taking over [TS]

01:16:46   an island and then the goal is always to [TS]

01:16:49   get to the airstrip right [TS]

01:16:50   the Japanese would have an airstrip on [TS]

01:16:52   an island the Americans would invade [TS]

01:16:53   they'd be trying to get to the airstrip [TS]

01:16:55   and when they get to the airstrip they [TS]

01:16:57   would Park a jeep with an American flag [TS]

01:17:01   on it at the end of the airstrip and [TS]

01:17:03   that was the sign that that they had [TS]

01:17:05   that they had seized this the strip and [TS]

01:17:08   then my dad in in a transport with a [TS]

01:17:11   with guns and ammunition and and medical [TS]

01:17:14   supplies would land on the newly [TS]

01:17:16   captured strip they'd throw the bullets [TS]

01:17:20   out [TS]

01:17:21   load the plane up with wounded spin it [TS]

01:17:23   around and get back out there and [TS]

01:17:26   they're the fighting is going on all [TS]

01:17:27   around the strip's time [TS]

01:17:28   this thing this is a lumbering giant [TS]

01:17:31   you're not this this is a lot of phones [TS]

01:17:32   no surprisingly you know maneuverable [TS]

01:17:35   planes but it but certainly a transport [TS]

01:17:37   plane like unarmed so he's coming in on [TS]

01:17:40   final approach to this to this strip [TS]

01:17:42   where he has seen the jeep parked at the [TS]

01:17:44   end of the runway and he's he's coming [TS]

01:17:46   in coming in hot [TS]

01:17:48   full of the full of full of bullets and [TS]

01:17:52   as he touches the wheels down on the [TS]

01:17:54   airstrip he sees a guy run out of the [TS]

01:17:57   jungle jump in the jeep and peel out [TS]

01:18:02   spin around and get the hell out of [TS]

01:18:04   there and bullets start coming out of [TS]

01:18:07   everywhere and he he he's you know he's [TS]

01:18:12   hauling ass down the runway but he's [TS]

01:18:14   easy easy it is he's committed now he's [TS]

01:18:16   too far along to like pull up and and [TS]

01:18:19   take back off so he runs the plane down [TS]

01:18:22   to the end of the runway and the [TS]

01:18:23   Japanese are coming out of the jungle he [TS]

01:18:27   spins the plane around heads back down [TS]

01:18:30   the runway the other direction with the [TS]

01:18:34   with the the loadmaster in the back of [TS]

01:18:36   the plane just throwing crates of [TS]

01:18:38   bullets out the out the door just pop [TS]

01:18:41   them out trying to get trying to get the [TS]

01:18:45   plane light enough that it can get back [TS]

01:18:47   up off the ground and as they're running [TS]

01:18:49   down the running down the runway I mean [TS]

01:18:50   they get back up but they're there [TS]

01:18:52   they're just talking stuff fucking stuff [TS]

01:18:55   out any you know got off the ground and [TS]

01:18:57   made it out of their plane full of [TS]

01:18:59   bullets but it's it's completely insane [TS]

01:19:02   I i I'm anxiety with forgiving being [TS]

01:19:06   very useful in that situation I just [TS]

01:19:09   regret that I had no life to give for my [TS]

01:19:12   country I regret that I didn't have a [TS]

01:19:15   guy I sometimes forget that i did not [TS]

01:19:18   join the the army i know that that's [TS]

01:19:22   crazy i know at the time when I was 19 [TS]

01:19:26   there's nothing I was going to do less [TS]

01:19:28   than join the army right but now that [TS]

01:19:30   i'm old i look back and go well I mean [TS]

01:19:34   what the hell was I doing ya doing [TS]

01:19:36   anything that's a good way to feel [TS]

01:19:38   pretty useless but I mean the same thing [TS]

01:19:39   with Captain America he didn't he didn't [TS]

01:19:41   you know he kept trying to join four [TS]

01:19:42   different times for f every time for 44 [TS]

01:19:45   f and then they get little guy is a real [TS]

01:19:46   little guy but then they gave him that [TS]

01:19:48   formula and I'm just saying if you don't [TS]

01:19:49   want to trivialize the story that's not [TS]

01:19:51   what I do but I'm just saying if you had [TS]

01:19:53   those rust powers it could really make a [TS]

01:19:55   difference if i have the rest powers but [TS]

01:19:56   the problem with having powers is you [TS]

01:19:58   don't be you know they don't want to the [TS]

01:20:00   army they want you in the secret we [TS]

01:20:01   watching some special seek out looking [TS]

01:20:03   like a shield that you want to be out [TS]

01:20:04   there with the grunts you want to be the [TS]

01:20:06   only be out there on the frontline [TS]

01:20:07   resting things right and then and and [TS]

01:20:09   that's that's always been my problem [TS]

01:20:11   with the CIA like I know at a certain [TS]

01:20:13   point it was a certain point pretty [TS]

01:20:15   early on where the CIA was never going [TS]

01:20:18   to recruit me as it is just a an agent [TS]

01:20:21   you know what i mean when did that [TS]

01:20:23   awareness really really settle on you i [TS]

01:20:25   was by I was pretty sure even by the age [TS]

01:20:28   of 20 but I had already that i had [TS]

01:20:32   already to jeopardize my chances of [TS]

01:20:35   jumping in the CIA fundamentally [TS]

01:20:37   jeopardize that well but the thing is [TS]

01:20:39   now I still feel like the CIA could [TS]

01:20:43   recruit me but I would be an asset if [TS]

01:20:47   you know what I mean you know you could [TS]

01:20:51   still be the English guy with the bombs [TS]

01:20:53   but you might not be the one like right [TS]

01:20:56   there putting it out [TS]

01:20:57   II right you didn't have a beard yeah I [TS]

01:20:59   would I would I would have is I would [TS]

01:21:01   have I would be the one with the beard [TS]

01:21:02   and I would have a handler I would have [TS]

01:21:06   a CIA agent that was that was handling [TS]

01:21:09   me I wouldn't have I personally would [TS]

01:21:12   not have a license to kill [TS]

01:21:13   I would you know my license would would [TS]

01:21:15   would be under the umbrella of someone [TS]

01:21:18   else's license you get sub license to [TS]

01:21:20   kill [TS]

01:21:21   I get a sub license to kill and and that [TS]

01:21:23   you know that's just I mean don't get me [TS]

01:21:26   wrong I'll take it but it's but it's [TS]

01:21:28   just not as satisfying as being you know [TS]

01:21:31   a spy myself I want you all you but I [TS]

01:21:33   mean you know but you still be serving [TS]

01:21:34   you said Biddy still be doing what [TS]

01:21:36   you're good at you can always be looking [TS]

01:21:37   backward on this thing projected I could [TS]

01:21:39   be in Damascus walking down the street [TS]

01:21:40   and you know it [TS]

01:21:41   anybody suit and equipped with a sword [TS]

01:21:43   came and a big beard and when I when [TS]

01:21:48   agents came through i would potentially [TS]

01:21:50   be running a safe house or I would be [TS]

01:21:52   you would be there like I'd be able to [TS]

01:21:55   say oh sounds like it's the jackal again [TS]

01:21:58   haha my old never cease [TS]

01:22:02   I'll see I I can't tell your buddy i [TS]

01:22:04   think that would be so much cooler than [TS]

01:22:06   being in the standard CIA if you were in [TS]

01:22:08   the secondary secret CIA and you're [TS]

01:22:09   fighting the jackal in Damascus not [TS]

01:22:13   happen i'd love to work in that one of [TS]

01:22:15   those three days of the Condor offices [TS]

01:22:17   mean I wouldn't want to be killed but [TS]

01:22:18   during lunch but I i love that movie so [TS]

01:22:21   much and just that was so cool there in [TS]

01:22:23   a townhouse like doing spy stuff [TS]

01:22:25   I just thought that'd be the best thing [TS]

01:22:26   in the world you gotta wonder somewhere [TS]

01:22:28   in San Francisco there's a townhouse [TS]

01:22:29   what where people are doing spy stuff [TS]

01:22:31   I think it's everywhere we provide all [TS]

01:22:33   the time it is the thing I think it's in [TS]

01:22:35   our neighborhood will you know how many [TS]

01:22:36   of the places not just hand jobs i found [TS]

01:22:38   another one there's several handjob [TS]

01:22:39   places wrong place we all know that [TS]

01:22:40   let's take it as read [TS]

01:22:41   I just found out that the zero replace [TS]

01:22:43   it's actually it's actually mahjong for [TS]

01:22:45   money [TS]

01:22:46   really if you can pull something like [TS]

01:22:48   that off two blocks away from a police [TS]

01:22:50   station is a pretty good chance that [TS]

01:22:52   somebody's here in a bathroom fighting [TS]

01:22:53   the jackal whether it's a yogurt place [TS]

01:22:55   but you play mahjong for money and in [TS]

01:22:58   the back somewhere it's it's it's even [TS]

01:23:00   more complicated than that it's a [TS]

01:23:01   storage place for yogurt place because [TS]

01:23:07   you know what it was a yogurt place [TS]

01:23:09   that's what they'd be looking for my god [TS]

01:23:12   right there so indiscreet with that you [TS]

01:23:13   put [TS]

01:23:14   [Music] [TS]

01:23:19   [Music] [TS]