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Roderick on the Line

Ep. 99: "White Ribbon"

 

00:00:00   hello [TS]

00:00:06   I John hi Merlin how's it going again [TS]

00:00:12   where you who i just did the thing that [TS]

00:00:22   I do which is no I have a thing to do [TS]

00:00:24   who and I stayed in bed until absolutely [TS]

00:00:29   the last minute and then I got on a bed [TS]

00:00:31   and I can hang on sat down [TS]

00:00:33   it's also good because people it makes [TS]

00:00:34   it harder for people to track your [TS]

00:00:35   movements that's true that's true unless [TS]

00:00:39   you're tracking my movements by looking [TS]

00:00:40   in my bedroom window even still if you [TS]

00:00:42   i'm guessing you probably throw away the [TS]

00:00:45   covers and just jolted out of bed [TS]

00:00:47   that's right whoo that's right and I ran [TS]

00:00:49   past the thermostat on my way and I went [TS]

00:00:52   to you and I turned up the thermostat so [TS]

00:00:55   that by the end of this podcast that [TS]

00:00:57   would be warm in my house [TS]

00:00:59   John your life hacker there's no [TS]

00:01:00   question about it lifehacks you hack [TS]

00:01:03   hack your sleep you've had your waking [TS]

00:01:05   you've had your stats as we say what I [TS]

00:01:08   haven't hacked is preserving batteries [TS]

00:01:11   in little blues driver that's sitting on [TS]

00:01:13   the floor then i just noticed has been [TS]

00:01:15   plugged in all night i sent the heavy [TS]

00:01:17   guy with the harmonicas batteries did a [TS]

00:01:20   blues driver yeah it's uh yeah that's [TS]

00:01:24   got a best friend Monica mr. girl [TS]

00:01:27   no ma'am where I I went to I went to one [TS]

00:01:33   of his concerts because i knew a guy who [TS]

00:01:35   was his keyboard tech and after them [TS]

00:01:40   after the show we went on to the blues [TS]

00:01:43   driver tour bus and it was I think there [TS]

00:01:49   were 22 buses maybe 14 mr. blues driver [TS]

00:01:53   and one for the crew [TS]

00:01:54   there's a there's a separate popper [TS]

00:01:56   mobile there's a popper but i don't know [TS]

00:01:58   i'm not sure i forget i forget i didn't [TS]

00:02:01   actually meet him but I met his whole [TS]

00:02:03   band and crew and on the bus they had [TS]

00:02:07   more kinds of marijuana they had [TS]

00:02:10   Tupperware containers with like 20 [TS]

00:02:13   different kinds of pot Wow and they were [TS]

00:02:17   headed to Canada the next day and the [TS]

00:02:20   tour manager was saying you know it [TS]

00:02:23   talking about the plan and very [TS]

00:02:24   matter-of-factly was talking about the [TS]

00:02:27   fact that they needed to stop & Belling [TS]

00:02:28   him and rent a hotel room for all the [TS]

00:02:31   pot and guns and they're just going [TS]

00:02:35   they're going to leave the Pottinger [TS]

00:02:36   hotel go to Canada and then come back [TS]

00:02:39   the next day and get the pot of guns you [TS]

00:02:42   really need a manager you can think that [TS]

00:02:44   stuff through for you because you're [TS]

00:02:46   smoking so much pot yeah you're gonna [TS]

00:02:48   want to hit that border be like oh shit [TS]

00:02:50   and pot and guns shotguns so and that [TS]

00:02:54   was you know that was a long time ago [TS]

00:02:56   that was 10 or 15 years guys I think I [TS]

00:02:59   think in fairness the the Blues driver [TS]

00:03:03   kai has lost a disturbing amount of [TS]

00:03:06   weight [TS]

00:03:07   well he got the stomach stapling I think [TS]

00:03:10   it still counts [TS]

00:03:11   does but I've been no I i think i think [TS]

00:03:13   well does it [TS]

00:03:15   your such as if it's a form of body [TS]

00:03:17   hacking I guess it does but I I think he [TS]

00:03:20   gained the weight back to then these [TS]

00:03:23   about his up-and-down fluctuates a lot [TS]

00:03:24   that sucks [TS]

00:03:26   it does not hurt yeah you know it's a [TS]

00:03:29   sometimes it just seems like you're [TS]

00:03:30   destined to have a certain you know he [TS]

00:03:33   got the beard Shape face i think some [TS]

00:03:35   people are destined to have like a [TS]

00:03:36   certain body shape you know yes I [TS]

00:03:39   believe that that is that's medically [TS]

00:03:40   documented but I've met people who are [TS]

00:03:42   like big body people they work out [TS]

00:03:45   constantly they lose like every ounce of [TS]

00:03:50   body fat they've got on them and then [TS]

00:03:52   they just they just look like a like a [TS]

00:03:54   tan canoe like this looks wrong [TS]

00:03:57   let's waste you know what I mean like [TS]

00:03:58   with somebody they just don't look right [TS]

00:04:00   this it doesn't you don't mean it looks [TS]

00:04:02   like that's healthy in some ways right [TS]

00:04:04   and i don't know i don't know one way or [TS]

00:04:05   another but pear-shaped person should [TS]

00:04:07   remain pear-shaped and not not tried to [TS]

00:04:10   become a peanut-shaped person with the [TS]

00:04:13   top hat and cane [TS]

00:04:16   yes God has made us in all the many [TS]

00:04:19   splendors ways and we should celebrate [TS]

00:04:21   every every one of our differences I [TS]

00:04:25   totally agree they are cause to [TS]

00:04:27   celebrate Merlin not cause to not just [TS]

00:04:29   one big drum circle [TS]

00:04:31   yes yeah one planet do you think mr. [TS]

00:04:34   peanut even explore any other lines of [TS]

00:04:36   work before he came like became like a [TS]

00:04:38   professional professional cannibal you [TS]

00:04:41   know I have to think that mr. peanut was [TS]

00:04:43   actually a Titan of industry [TS]

00:04:46   otherwise how would he dress that way [TS]

00:04:47   and be so cocky he seems pretty fancy [TS]

00:04:49   now and then you know that actually mr. [TS]

00:04:51   peanut probably rose up that probably [TS]

00:04:54   came to prominence during the the era of [TS]

00:04:56   the peanut haha there was a you know in [TS]

00:05:00   American history and era where the [TS]

00:05:02   peanut was really the ascendant legume [TS]

00:05:05   still to the end of his days he spent [TS]

00:05:10   every day wondering will George [TS]

00:05:12   Washington Carver be around the next [TS]

00:05:14   corner we make me into something a [TS]

00:05:17   little too interesting [TS]

00:05:19   yeah i mean Jimmy Carter was a peanut [TS]

00:05:21   farmer very classy and a nuclear [TS]

00:05:24   engineer alright of course on submarines [TS]

00:05:27   that's right i think he was a submarine [TS]

00:05:28   I think he was actually like an engineer [TS]

00:05:30   wasn't on submarines and a peanut farmer [TS]

00:05:33   em you know a man of many talents and [TS]

00:05:38   also of a man of it of a lost era o a [TS]

00:05:42   gentleman a gentleman that's right [TS]

00:05:44   cavalier you know I am I don't start [TS]

00:05:47   whole thing first of all I have to say [TS]

00:05:49   I'm i realized about 10 minutes ago that [TS]

00:05:51   I my daughter has given me a slow-motion [TS]

00:05:53   cold oh it's finally just officially [TS]

00:05:56   became a cold like two minutes ago war [TS]

00:05:58   boom warm mouth tastes funny i'm sorry i [TS]

00:06:02   don't like that phrase family farm [TS]

00:06:05   tickets i think it's a red herring [TS]

00:06:08   mm that's what if your family is really [TS]

00:06:10   really fucking rich [TS]

00:06:12   oh I see what you mean you know what I [TS]

00:06:14   mean yeah doesn't see when you say [TS]

00:06:15   family farm you think of something from [TS]

00:06:19   is the dustbowl photographer guy you [TS]

00:06:22   know you think of like a family farm you [TS]

00:06:25   think of like non pas cattle out there [TS]

00:06:26   and they're in there 10 rib shack right [TS]

00:06:29   you know the water with a bar Drake [TS]

00:06:31   right wind blowing you have 40 acres and [TS]

00:06:33   a mule [TS]

00:06:34   yeah exactly are you hearing the term [TS]

00:06:38   family farm used in a disingenuous way [TS]

00:06:40   where corporate overlords are [TS]

00:06:43   masquerading as family farmers I yeah [TS]

00:06:47   yeah yeah well I mean you know I don't [TS]

00:06:50   follow the stuff closely but I think [TS]

00:06:51   it's one of those I thought terminating [TS]

00:06:54   clich├ęs aswell says you know it's one [TS]

00:06:56   of those when you say family farm but [TS]

00:06:58   you cannot not to say anything because [TS]

00:06:59   it sounds like you're going after the [TS]

00:07:01   guy with the with the overalls right and [TS]

00:07:04   you can you can be a you can own your [TS]

00:07:06   family can own a lot of very very large [TS]

00:07:10   stinky ballooning yucky farms listen [TS]

00:07:13   this is the thing about a thing about [TS]

00:07:16   sort of a central ohio western Ohio and [TS]

00:07:20   it's also the thing about central [TS]

00:07:22   Germany and Bavaria like they're in [TS]

00:07:25   those places the farmers are the richest [TS]

00:07:28   people in the community beyond the most [TS]

00:07:32   land right well beyond the most land but [TS]

00:07:34   also it's very fertile land and and over [TS]

00:07:36   the course of of hundreds of years they [TS]

00:07:39   they built up those properties so they [TS]

00:07:42   have these beautiful barnes and you know [TS]

00:07:44   like multiple big houses but but also [TS]

00:07:48   like the crops that they're growing our [TS]

00:07:51   are expensive and amid the farmers are [TS]

00:07:54   the prosperous conservative burgers of [TS]

00:07:58   the of the community and growing up I [TS]

00:08:01   guess in the eighties I had this same [TS]

00:08:03   idea that the that farmers were like [TS]

00:08:08   hard-working hardscrabble people to be a [TS]

00:08:14   not certainly didn't pity a farmer but [TS]

00:08:17   you you know you felt a lot of common [TS]

00:08:20   cause and American empathy with a farmer [TS]

00:08:23   they were the salt of the earth etc [TS]

00:08:25   and you go to these places where the [TS]

00:08:29   where the farming is good and you [TS]

00:08:32   realize like Oh farmers are farmers can [TS]

00:08:35   be the real Cadillac drivin like kind of [TS]

00:08:41   fat cats of a particular place and in in [TS]

00:08:48   both of those communities that part of [TS]

00:08:50   ohio in that part of Germany the ones [TS]

00:08:52   that I that I know the farmers are the [TS]

00:08:55   political obstacle to you know to change [TS]

00:09:00   and the farmers are the social obstacle [TS]

00:09:02   to change and they're they're [TS]

00:09:04   conservative and and not at all like [TS]

00:09:10   John Cougar second on a chili dog [TS]

00:09:13   somewhere they are you know they're [TS]

00:09:17   they're wearing three-piece suits white [TS]

00:09:19   living three-piece suits even yeah well [TS]

00:09:22   I want to stimulate out there's anything [TS]

00:09:23   wrong with being successful and having [TS]

00:09:25   lots of money [TS]

00:09:26   oh my god no no no oh we should all be [TS]

00:09:29   billionaires and just like mr. peanut [TS]

00:09:31   there's nothing wrong with that it's [TS]

00:09:32   it's something about that word family [TS]

00:09:34   where it's becoming the last maybe 20 or [TS]

00:09:36   so years 25 years also since definitely [TS]

00:09:39   since sometime post Moral Majority maybe [TS]

00:09:43   but definitely work it's because I think [TS]

00:09:46   something may be about the george HW [TS]

00:09:49   bush era it may be in my head that's for [TS]

00:09:51   family started become this heavily [TS]

00:09:53   charged word you know about family [TS]

00:09:56   values whether something is family [TS]

00:09:59   friendly family and businesses likes a [TS]

00:10:02   walmart family family farms like the [TS]

00:10:06   ones that own giant you know parcels of [TS]

00:10:08   our great United States it's nothing [TS]

00:10:10   nothing against that it's just that it's [TS]

00:10:12   a family is one of those cop out words [TS]

00:10:15   were like once you say it it ends the [TS]

00:10:17   conversation because now you're talking [TS]

00:10:18   about the family dude [TS]

00:10:19   well and it's it's the I think it's the [TS]

00:10:21   the corollary to the way that urban [TS]

00:10:25   became synonymous with black it becomes [TS]

00:10:30   euphemistic family is a euphemism for [TS]

00:10:34   white Christian [TS]

00:10:38   nuclear family for what sergeant Edward [TS]

00:10:41   it's a code word right yeah that's a [TS]

00:10:42   good point because this is the whole [TS]

00:10:44   this is the whole argument now like a [TS]

00:10:46   gays are trying to extend the franchise [TS]

00:10:50   of family and so I mean everybody on the [TS]

00:10:53   left is trying to say we are also a [TS]

00:10:55   family we have a polyamorous family we [TS]

00:10:57   are a family of Zoroastrianism we all we [TS]

00:11:02   all want to be included in this kind of [TS]

00:11:04   family definition and all the rights [TS]

00:11:08   that go with that and all the pushback [TS]

00:11:11   from that makes you recognize that [TS]

00:11:13   Oh what family the reason we see family [TS]

00:11:16   all the time is it is a code for it's [TS]

00:11:20   one of those codes you know what people [TS]

00:11:22   who are part of the evangelical world [TS]

00:11:24   they talk about like code words that [TS]

00:11:26   other evangelicals recognize but the [TS]

00:11:27   rest of us maybe won't who and family is [TS]

00:11:31   it's not one of those but it's like a [TS]

00:11:34   it's at a higher level a kind of [TS]

00:11:36   political code word for like white [TS]

00:11:38   people [TS]

00:11:39   yeah and and it has the to me in the way [TS]

00:11:43   it's been used over the last 25 years it [TS]

00:11:45   also has the implication of important [TS]

00:11:47   distinctions that we don't even need to [TS]

00:11:49   talk about anymore even like black [TS]

00:11:51   people have broken homes [TS]

00:11:53   mhm we we stay we stay married [TS]

00:11:57   mexican be have like four or five [TS]

00:11:58   families living in one house right and [TS]

00:12:02   god-knows-what what they're getting up [TS]

00:12:03   to their ya sa family is like yeah right [TS]

00:12:06   mom it's like mom dad grandma grandpa [TS]

00:12:08   and then other grandma and grandpa who [TS]

00:12:11   who live in florida right i had that my [TS]

00:12:18   god cracker wait a minute you know I as [TS]

00:12:24   well as the whole time I never knew [TS]

00:12:26   either of my grandfather's and I only [TS]

00:12:31   met one of my grandmother's but she died [TS]

00:12:34   before I was too so I had no [TS]

00:12:37   grandparents is that your your mom's [TS]

00:12:40   mother of my mom's mom died in the [TS]

00:12:43   thirties ok [TS]

00:12:45   not in her thirties in the nineteen [TS]

00:12:47   thirties and my dad's dad died in the [TS]

00:12:51   fifties and my dad my mom's dad I guess [TS]

00:12:57   I did meet when I was an infant but he [TS]

00:13:00   died in the eighties and then my dad's [TS]

00:13:02   mom died in like 1971's did 70 maybe so [TS]

00:13:06   yeah didn't know any of them and I'm not [TS]

00:13:11   the worst stores right now you're doing [TS]

00:13:13   great [TS]

00:13:14   yeah sure people love me I i have [TS]

00:13:16   friends he passed on this doubt family [TS]

00:13:19   values to to your family yeah my family [TS]

00:13:22   values which are thank you for visiting [TS]

00:13:25   don't let the doorknob hit you on the [TS]

00:13:28   way out to done here but you know people [TS]

00:13:32   to get along that's for sure [TS]

00:13:35   people did not used to live as long yeah [TS]

00:13:36   i think we used to ride a lot harder [TS]

00:13:38   i'll say that you look at pictures of [TS]

00:13:40   you know celebrities movie stars [TS]

00:13:42   whatever and you know it's amazing how [TS]

00:13:44   people in the early thirties looked the [TS]

00:13:47   part was the way they dress and carry [TS]

00:13:48   themselves but Emma I've said this [TS]

00:13:50   before my mom's yearbook my mom [TS]

00:13:51   graduated from high school and 1954 and [TS]

00:13:54   a fairly diverse urban high school but [TS]

00:13:58   at I mean everybody in there looks 50 [TS]

00:14:00   yeah right well they're all trying to [TS]

00:14:03   look 50 you as my mom used to say [TS]

00:14:05   because she graduated in my mom's 20 in [TS]

00:14:08   1954 and 1954 arguably is the birth of [TS]

00:14:14   rock and roll right 5455 ya little early [TS]

00:14:19   but that's the I think that's the proto [TS]

00:14:21   definitely pro rock'n'roll yeah let's [TS]

00:14:23   say 56 is the birth of rock and roll [TS]

00:14:25   so my mom's 2290 at the birth of rock [TS]

00:14:29   and roll now right now if you were 22 [TS]

00:14:34   years old at the birth of a new kind of [TS]

00:14:37   music former new art form you would be a [TS]

00:14:40   soldier of that form right i mean the [TS]

00:14:43   the kids that were 22 when indie rock [TS]

00:14:46   was ascendant are like my lifelong fans [TS]

00:14:51   and yet at 22 years old when a [TS]

00:14:54   rock-and-roll came in my mom was [TS]

00:14:56   contemptuous of it was music for [TS]

00:14:58   children and she was already listening [TS]

00:15:00   to jazz music and being sophisticated [TS]

00:15:03   and drinking a little you know drinks [TS]

00:15:07   out of cocktail glasses and like you [TS]

00:15:10   know what would you give up any of that [TS]

00:15:11   hard-earned adulthood to each finally [TS]

00:15:13   right achieved [TS]

00:15:15   yeah you had arrived at your majority [TS]

00:15:17   and you weren't going to go back to [TS]

00:15:19   hanging out with bobby soxer right [TS]

00:15:21   that's so different from now we're [TS]

00:15:23   living [TS]

00:15:24   I mean honestly I feel like you and I [TS]

00:15:26   are both living a kind of prolonged [TS]

00:15:28   childhood and everybody i know is yeah [TS]

00:15:31   there's nothing on the radio this [TS]

00:15:32   morning about i always forget every if [TS]

00:15:35   every March noise pop comes around you [TS]

00:15:38   and I mean there are few years not that [TS]

00:15:40   long ago where I mean couple years we've [TS]

00:15:42   bought season that season passes but you [TS]

00:15:43   know all I'll show passes and stuff like [TS]

00:15:46   that and you know that we're in our [TS]

00:15:48   forties doing that you know and kind of [TS]

00:15:52   hard to imagine your mom doing that in [TS]

00:15:55   like night like going to like an all-day [TS]

00:15:58   meet rock music festival in 1974 [TS]

00:16:01   yeah although now she loves you know [TS]

00:16:05   she's come full circle of course loves [TS]

00:16:07   rock news she doesn't want to be in the [TS]

00:16:08   business but that set but that sense of [TS]

00:16:10   like you look at the old you look at the [TS]

00:16:12   old high-school yearbook photos and you [TS]

00:16:14   feel like half those people are 40 [TS]

00:16:16   already part of that is yeah right that [TS]

00:16:20   they only live to be 50 yeah and so they [TS]

00:16:24   they were in middle age at 25 but I you [TS]

00:16:28   know and some of that maybe is that [TS]

00:16:30   we're not so gaunt anymore because we [TS]

00:16:32   have that layer of sugar fat that makes [TS]

00:16:35   us all look young and beautiful [TS]

00:16:36   well thank God for those energy drinks [TS]

00:16:38   but i can finally getting some things [TS]

00:16:40   accomplished everyone has the energy a [TS]

00:16:42   rockstar need i say more but I I keep [TS]

00:16:47   like looking at Jennifer Aniston she is [TS]

00:16:49   my lodestone is that was that right she [TS]

00:16:53   is my want to check your spelling on [TS]

00:16:54   this is nice [TS]

00:16:55   she's my star [TS]

00:16:57   castor she is my what is it lonestar no [TS]

00:17:00   I I don't know what I'm trying to say [TS]

00:17:02   but Jennifer Aniston is about my age and [TS]

00:17:08   she was somebody that I I always [TS]

00:17:13   understood it was she certainly was [TS]

00:17:16   considered a sex symbol in a very [TS]

00:17:18   attractive girl in the in the culture [TS]

00:17:20   when I was in my young twenties who and [TS]

00:17:24   I came out of nowhere she came out of [TS]

00:17:26   nowhere she didn't like three different [TS]

00:17:27   pilots for shows before friends but none [TS]

00:17:30   of us had ever seen no no and she was a [TS]

00:17:32   little bit you know she had a little bit [TS]

00:17:34   chubby cheek chubby face like a chipmunk [TS]

00:17:36   cheeks and she had that iconic hair she [TS]

00:17:39   looks a little bit like jennifer grey [TS]

00:17:41   she looked a little bit like Jennifer [TS]

00:17:43   great thank you for connecting the dots [TS]

00:17:45   who it's not i had that digs I had that [TS]

00:17:49   a that feeling where I was like I should [TS]

00:17:53   be more attracted to her than I am [TS]

00:17:57   you know that feeling when you're like [TS]

00:17:59   everything lines up with this girl [TS]

00:18:01   yeah this should be should be my type [TS]

00:18:03   yeah I like her face I like her I like [TS]

00:18:05   her Moxie I like her [TS]

00:18:07   I even liked her silly hair like this [TS]

00:18:10   girl should be a should really get me [TS]

00:18:14   should really get me going for some [TS]

00:18:17   reason she doesn't she doesn't she [TS]

00:18:19   doesn't completely and i remember [TS]

00:18:21   watching friday i'll be over at [TS]

00:18:23   somebody's house than friends would be [TS]

00:18:24   on that's a code for I didn't watch [TS]

00:18:27   friends because I didn't have a TV [TS]

00:18:29   because I don't read comic books at but [TS]

00:18:34   i would be over at somebody's house and [TS]

00:18:35   friends would come on and I would watch [TS]

00:18:37   friends and i would i would be like [TS]

00:18:39   really zoomed in on Jennifer Aniston [TS]

00:18:41   because I wanted to I wanted to [TS]

00:18:44   understand this I wanted to find some [TS]

00:18:47   reason some clear moment where I was [TS]

00:18:50   like either yes i am now I'm totally [TS]

00:18:52   into her or you know what no she doesn't [TS]

00:18:56   do it for me and I could never find the [TS]

00:18:58   breaking point and part of it was that [TS]

00:19:01   because the fashion of the nineties they [TS]

00:19:05   always dressed her in clothes that were [TS]

00:19:07   just baggy enough they could quite [TS]

00:19:11   get a picture of the silhouette you know [TS]

00:19:14   like what's under there I know she's a [TS]

00:19:18   young gal she's cute gal what's under [TS]

00:19:21   all that all those baggy sweatshirts got [TS]

00:19:25   some length of bone musical and I could [TS]

00:19:29   never quite I couldn't get a picture [TS]

00:19:31   under the under the silhouette you know [TS]

00:19:33   like Courtney Cox you look at in here [TS]

00:19:35   like she's a skinny girl she's a skinny [TS]

00:19:37   girl with big boobs and I it and I the [TS]

00:19:40   past experiences has taught me that he [TS]

00:19:43   got to be careful with the skinny girl [TS]

00:19:44   with big boobs you just can't trust them [TS]

00:19:46   but Jennifer and the jet maybe she's a [TS]

00:19:53   maybe she's a little shits [TS]

00:19:54   intellectually vexing to you maybe she's [TS]

00:19:56   a little bit thicker you know what I [TS]

00:19:58   mean maybe she's a maybe she's a small [TS]

00:20:00   busted girl that's a little bit thicker [TS]

00:20:01   like that that's a girl you can trust [TS]

00:20:03   called a pear-shaped and he said she's a [TS]

00:20:06   petite she might she might be out [TS]

00:20:09   somewhere in that you know she might be [TS]

00:20:10   a size two mining interests he says the [TS]

00:20:13   shutter Frances clothes for vexing you [TS]

00:20:15   faxing and so as time has gone on and [TS]

00:20:18   jennifer aniston has evolved but dare I [TS]

00:20:21   say it alongside me really simultaneous [TS]

00:20:25   to who Jennifer Aniston's been growing [TS]

00:20:27   up I've been growing upward we've been [TS]

00:20:29   growing up together and I'm always [TS]

00:20:33   looking out of my side mirror at [TS]

00:20:37   Jennifer Aniston saying is she to issue [TS]

00:20:39   does he do [TS]

00:20:41   do it for me yet like it's still the [TS]

00:20:43   ball still up in the air now she's 35 [TS]

00:20:45   i'm 35 are you and you know and over [TS]

00:20:49   time you know you see enough a celebrity [TS]

00:20:52   beach photos over in a bathing suit that [TS]

00:20:54   you no longer have to guess and now [TS]

00:20:57   Jennifer Aniston is 45 years old she's [TS]

00:21:00   still a very attractive woman and i [TS]

00:21:03   still cannot decide oh my gosh weather [TS]

00:21:06   weather and and it may very well be one [TS]

00:21:08   of those things were interviewed and if [TS]

00:21:10   you're in the room with somebody and you [TS]

00:21:12   realize they just don't photograph to [TS]

00:21:14   your liking or just might be that we [TS]

00:21:17   just having a chemical thing that [TS]

00:21:20   that prevents us from ever being [TS]

00:21:21   together oh but you still can't tell i [TS]

00:21:25   don't know for sister kylie still gotta [TS]

00:21:27   sneak a peek in the mirror i was asked [TS]

00:21:30   at one point to audition for a film that [TS]

00:21:32   she was making in Vancouver where it was [TS]

00:21:36   like some indie rock movie or there were [TS]

00:21:38   any rock bands as part of the plot and [TS]

00:21:41   maybe her romantic lead was an indie [TS]

00:21:45   rock musician and I take a little bit of [TS]

00:21:49   a stretch you know right [TS]

00:21:51   who's gonna fall in love with one of [TS]

00:21:52   those but I I seriously considered [TS]

00:21:55   auditioning for the film but at that [TS]

00:21:57   point in time i was missing one of my [TS]

00:21:59   teeth and I felt like I just don't see [TS]

00:22:03   myself getting cast not only as the lead [TS]

00:22:05   but it is that is self-awareness John [TS]

00:22:11   you realize sure you could have a career [TS]

00:22:13   as a character actor but maybe it's not [TS]

00:22:15   quite time for you to be okay [TS]

00:22:17   yeah well and also one at when I when I [TS]

00:22:20   went through that process I started [TS]

00:22:22   thinking about other films and you [TS]

00:22:25   really don't see a lot of guys missing a [TS]

00:22:27   tooth in any rolled even as like [TS]

00:22:30   henchmen and four NN of the henchman is [TS]

00:22:33   missing a tooth [TS]

00:22:35   it's usually a side tooth that's a side [TS]

00:22:38   to so when he smiles he kind of pulls [TS]

00:22:39   one side of his mouth back in you're [TS]

00:22:41   like oh he's even missing one of his [TS]

00:22:42   teeth [TS]

00:22:43   I think you only see that with makeup in [TS]

00:22:46   hija [TS]

00:22:47   oh yeah maybe I think he ha had a high [TS]

00:22:50   tolerance for two spaces two spaces but [TS]

00:22:52   I was missing one of my front teeth is [TS]

00:22:55   very prominent and I was missing it for [TS]

00:22:57   a couple of years and i think at the [TS]

00:23:02   time I just didn't I [TS]

00:23:05   maybe I didn't register you know how [TS]

00:23:09   profoundly that was sending a message to [TS]

00:23:11   casting agents who that I wasn't quite [TS]

00:23:15   ready [TS]

00:23:16   maybe you know just the right role never [TS]

00:23:20   never came along em right well yeah [TS]

00:23:23   that's the point where it started to [TS]

00:23:25   become clear that that was just a thing [TS]

00:23:26   that you're going to do for a while it's [TS]

00:23:27   not have a tooth [TS]

00:23:29   yeah well i think i think it was that I [TS]

00:23:32   objected to you know the the the Cabal [TS]

00:23:38   of dentists God and the way that they [TS]

00:23:41   run our run our culture just Hollywood [TS]

00:23:45   in the bank's they just assumed the [TS]

00:23:48   dentin excuse me [TS]

00:23:51   [Music] [TS]

00:23:57   the dentists just assume that I was [TS]

00:24:00   gonna wear some kind of flipper to that [TS]

00:24:04   would get that was basically like a [TS]

00:24:06   peanut butter trap like it was a it was [TS]

00:24:10   a whole mental apparatus that was going [TS]

00:24:13   to just sit there and collect peanut [TS]

00:24:14   butter all day and I was like I'm not [TS]

00:24:16   gonna wear that that's a torture device [TS]

00:24:18   they're like well your other options [TS]

00:24:20   walk around without a tooth so yeah you [TS]

00:24:22   are going to wear it was like so fast oh [TS]

00:24:25   really well watch me now they are so [TS]

00:24:28   smug John they've got it all figured out [TS]

00:24:31   yep they got they got a solution and [TS]

00:24:33   here's what it costs you know that I'm [TS]

00:24:34   so mad at god damn dentists are so [TS]

00:24:36   frustrating to me they're really [TS]

00:24:38   frustrating to me i don't know why i [TS]

00:24:39   can't just go in there and get my teeth [TS]

00:24:40   cleaned without a lecture [TS]

00:24:42   well you know I think what it is is they [TS]

00:24:44   have done miraculous work when you think [TS]

00:24:45   about people when you think about people [TS]

00:24:47   in the past people that we were just [TS]

00:24:48   talking about who looked prematurely old [TS]

00:24:50   a lot of them were suffering tooth pain [TS]

00:24:54   and a lot of them died early because [TS]

00:24:56   they had tooth infections [TS]

00:24:58   yeah and now three basically the reason [TS]

00:25:02   we all live to be a hundred years old is [TS]

00:25:04   that we have dentists they are our life [TS]

00:25:07   givers we just want a little malcolm [TS]

00:25:09   gladwell me there yet up as a knock-on [TS]

00:25:12   effect of the dentistry profession being [TS]

00:25:14   widespread heavily insured or is it just [TS]

00:25:16   because they're there [TS]

00:25:17   well know that they haven't they have [TS]

00:25:19   improved their technology so that we [TS]

00:25:21   know lot so that we are not walking [TS]

00:25:23   around anymore all of us with a [TS]

00:25:25   low-grade infection in our mouths or a [TS]

00:25:28   big white band [TS]

00:25:29   which tied around her head yeah right [TS]

00:25:31   Morgan who we no longer have to sit [TS]

00:25:34   bracing ourselves on the public stocks [TS]

00:25:36   in the center in the town square while [TS]

00:25:38   someone attaches oh god a tooth 2002 a [TS]

00:25:42   team of horses but so so yeah we do owe [TS]

00:25:48   them our lives but it has spread in them [TS]

00:25:50   of smugness that that they are [TS]

00:25:54   indispensable and I suppose they are but [TS]

00:25:58   now I see immediate that take above [TS]

00:26:01   optometrist nothing against optometrist [TS]

00:26:03   I got a terrible lecture the last time i [TS]

00:26:05   went in from a young dental hygienist [TS]

00:26:08   where I I honestly I i got snippy with [TS]

00:26:13   her i said i know how to brush my teeth [TS]

00:26:17   you don't have to show me what she was [TS]

00:26:19   gearing up she was getting her to get [TS]

00:26:21   underlying demoed getting her little [TS]

00:26:24   carpenter a demo toothbrush and a fan of [TS]

00:26:26   fake mouth of teeth and she was like let [TS]

00:26:28   me show you how to brush brush your [TS]

00:26:30   teeth and I was like are you fucking [TS]

00:26:31   kidding me [TS]

00:26:32   I'm 45 years old I know how to brush my [TS]

00:26:35   teeth get out of here and you know and [TS]

00:26:38   she was like oh well you know she [TS]

00:26:40   reacted a little bit like a stewardess [TS]

00:26:42   oh I'm sorry sir well I'm just trying to [TS]

00:26:45   do my job [TS]

00:26:48   take your fucking life uh-huh ask you I [TS]

00:26:51   could ask you one thing it's not too [TS]

00:26:53   personal [TS]

00:26:54   not at all um how is or was the juice [TS]

00:26:59   fast [TS]

00:27:01   well did you you're on day three of that [TS]

00:27:03   last time we visited yeah yeah I uh I [TS]

00:27:06   well let's say ninety percent completed [TS]

00:27:10   the juice fast 93% because in the an [TS]

00:27:13   afternoon of the third day of the juice [TS]

00:27:15   fast i realized that a juice fast is a [TS]

00:27:17   terrible thing [TS]

00:27:18   it's a it's terrible idea and it does [TS]

00:27:22   not it does not suit me at all like I've [TS]

00:27:25   spent the last six months weaning myself [TS]

00:27:27   off of sugar and then i gave I went on [TS]

00:27:31   some crackpot scheme where for three [TS]

00:27:35   days I just drank sugar water like [TS]

00:27:37   concentrated sugar water [TS]

00:27:39   because that's what you said is even [TS]

00:27:42   kale juice is just the sugar out of kale [TS]

00:27:45   this and and so by the by the end of the [TS]

00:27:49   third day I mean I was on this i was in [TS]

00:27:52   this terrible cycle of like I would [TS]

00:27:54   drink a glass of juice i would feel [TS]

00:27:55   great for 20 minutes and then I would [TS]

00:27:57   almost completely shut down I was like [TS]

00:28:00   the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz like [TS]

00:28:03   my limbs would go limp my head would [TS]

00:28:05   would drop to my chest and I would like [TS]

00:28:08   service drag myself over to the couch [TS]

00:28:12   where I would lay in a kind of half [TS]

00:28:14   comatose state until it was time to get [TS]

00:28:18   up and make another juice and then I [TS]

00:28:20   would feel for it for 30 minutes and [TS]

00:28:22   then it was just like the the sugar went [TS]

00:28:25   right through me and it just felt like [TS]

00:28:27   poison [TS]

00:28:28   who and so by the end of that third day [TS]

00:28:30   I was like what am i doing to myself [TS]

00:28:32   like I'm only I'm only I'm only trying [TS]

00:28:36   to see this through to notch three day [TS]

00:28:40   juice fast off of my belt somehow like [TS]

00:28:43   the world status bucket list uniform he [TS]

00:28:46   got that teenagers fast [TS]

00:28:49   yep Judy Garland the gravesite check i [TS]

00:28:53   think the artist's way morning pages and [TS]

00:28:58   and so I was just like I i protest this [TS]

00:29:04   juice fast now like I was really into a [TS]

00:29:06   day one I was I was pretty solid in it [TS]

00:29:09   all three day to even day three I was [TS]

00:29:12   like yes I am [TS]

00:29:13   this is just gonna this is the thing and [TS]

00:29:15   it was not hunger it wasn't it wasn't a [TS]

00:29:20   question of will power it was a [TS]

00:29:21   recognition that I was that by day three [TS]

00:29:24   I was just poisoning myself every time I [TS]

00:29:27   drank a glass of juice [TS]

00:29:30   who and so I just said this is terrible [TS]

00:29:34   and and and and what had some food and [TS]

00:29:37   felt immediately better i have i have ID [TS]

00:29:41   on the in the plus column [TS]

00:29:43   I did quit drinking caffeine and now I'm [TS]

00:29:46   completely off caffeine and it took me [TS]

00:29:49   really like it took [TS]

00:29:52   five days for the pain to go out of my [TS]

00:29:55   joints so as i get older it is just it [TS]

00:29:59   you know like I'm not a complete case [TS]

00:30:03   study but anecdotally it is taking [TS]

00:30:06   longer to wean myself off of caffeine [TS]

00:30:10   when I quit now it ride it hard [TS]

00:30:13   yeah it used to be three days in and out [TS]

00:30:15   but you missed it so you honestly I mean [TS]

00:30:17   not exaggerating you have been drinking [TS]

00:30:19   a fair amount of coffee each day like [TS]

00:30:21   more than a couple cups [TS]

00:30:22   yeah I mean you know the finger that not [TS]

00:30:25   drinking alcohol and then eliminating [TS]

00:30:27   juice and soda pop from my diet the [TS]

00:30:32   number of interesting drinks i can have [TS]

00:30:34   yeah is really low and and I can drink [TS]

00:30:37   fizzy water with lime in it all [TS]

00:30:39   afternoon but come on I would become a [TS]

00:30:43   tea person [TS]

00:30:44   well I don't and also in my nature I am [TS]

00:30:48   a substance abuser like I want to abuse [TS]

00:30:52   substances it isn't a thing like I don't [TS]

00:30:55   have a spiritual beef with it who I want [TS]

00:30:58   to do it and if you give me a substance [TS]

00:31:01   to abuse I will and I in college I was [TS]

00:31:03   it was mountain dew I would drink 64 [TS]

00:31:05   ounces of mountain dew every afternoon [TS]

00:31:07   Wow and I felt amazing mountain dew is [TS]

00:31:11   delicious but a scarecrow for you you [TS]

00:31:14   can't be [TS]

00:31:15   that's right how's the Cowardly hypno [TS]

00:31:18   attention to the quick running around [TS]

00:31:21   the living written but but uh but you [TS]

00:31:25   can't be a forty-five-year-old and drink [TS]

00:31:27   64 ounces amount to a day and so what I [TS]

00:31:30   did have was coffee my good old friend [TS]

00:31:34   coffee rely old reliable and so it it [TS]

00:31:37   wasn't just that I drank like three [TS]

00:31:39   large cups of coffee in the morning it [TS]

00:31:41   was that I then I went out to lunch and [TS]

00:31:42   I had a couple of cups of coffee with [TS]

00:31:45   the with whoever I was having lunch with [TS]

00:31:47   and then at dinner I would get a cup a [TS]

00:31:51   cup of coffee and so throughout the day [TS]

00:31:54   every day 6 cups of coffee [TS]

00:31:58   sometimes more and it was just my my my [TS]

00:32:02   only friend my reliable little because I [TS]

00:32:06   quit smoking cigarettes too so it huh [TS]

00:32:08   I don't have that Lake little friend and [TS]

00:32:12   you know as a as a substance explorer to [TS]

00:32:19   have a little friends to have a little [TS]

00:32:21   crunch somebody that's always there for [TS]

00:32:25   you when you start to when your mind [TS]

00:32:27   starts to get away when you use your [TS]

00:32:29   fingers start to move fidget fidget [TS]

00:32:31   fidget where's my little friend I need a [TS]

00:32:34   little bit and I was realizing this the [TS]

00:32:38   other day I was talking to Crystal lieu [TS]

00:32:39   of the presidents of the USA and he he [TS]

00:32:44   was not a not chastising me but he was [TS]

00:32:48   admonishing us that we that we that we [TS]

00:32:50   hardly ever really talk about the the [TS]

00:32:53   spiritual realm talking about the [TS]

00:32:55   program [TS]

00:32:56   well no not not not at all that chris is [TS]

00:32:59   that you and he never talked about it [TS]

00:33:01   don't know that you and I know okay and [TS]

00:33:02   religious listener of the program and [TS]

00:33:04   that we never talk we are not you and I [TS]

00:33:07   are not Buddhists per se like we don't [TS]

00:33:11   and I and I and I reflected on what he [TS]

00:33:14   said and thought about like i am not [TS]

00:33:16   generally trying to transcend my ego [TS]

00:33:19   that is not well that's that's not [TS]

00:33:23   really on the first page that is not [TS]

00:33:25   what you think that's a little bit of a [TS]

00:33:27   boost in a barrel but that's not like [TS]

00:33:31   that's not the lead [TS]

00:33:33   I know but you know i was introduced to [TS]

00:33:34   these concepts many years ago and I [TS]

00:33:37   always imagined of myself that I would [TS]

00:33:40   be pursuing a spiritual life you know [TS]

00:33:42   i'm not against rock music I'm I've got [TS]

00:33:45   a great deal of the rock music wanted [TS]

00:33:47   first manifested itself from are you [TS]

00:33:52   doing [TS]

00:33:53   Mark Twain after John Robert one minute [TS]

00:33:57   downright planning to you I'm I'm not [TS]

00:34:01   unfamiliar with with Buddhism it's a [TS]

00:34:06   it's a [TS]

00:34:08   tenants that with which I'm [TS]

00:34:10   well-informed Merlin Mann as out [TS]

00:34:15   Holbrook man is Albert colebrook is John [TS]

00:34:19   Roderick in any case um uh but you know [TS]

00:34:24   I thought I I always thought that i [TS]

00:34:26   would i would add some point in my life [TS]

00:34:28   pursue a spiritual path that what you [TS]

00:34:32   know that was Siddhartha like where I [TS]

00:34:35   would go sit in on a bridge and study [TS]

00:34:38   the river and you know and just then it [TS]

00:34:44   then it would be a better year would [TS]

00:34:46   pass several quitter public aside to [TS]

00:34:48   Chris blew up Chris there's a really [TS]

00:34:52   really good reason we don't talk about [TS]

00:34:54   this on the show up what you're hearing [TS]

00:34:56   now is the part that you can hear about [TS]

00:34:59   what what you don't hear is a couple [TS]

00:35:01   episodes i will be happy to say haha but [TS]

00:35:06   everybody said we'll sit on the marathon [TS]

00:35:08   he can you learn how you feel about [TS]

00:35:09   religion [TS]

00:35:10   no no no let's let's leave that in the [TS]

00:35:12   little bit of the salt mine in utah dt [TS]

00:35:16   cartridges are the Roderick on the lines [TS]

00:35:19   that have never aired are just waiting [TS]

00:35:21   for the historian trying to lose their [TS]

00:35:23   ego but I i think that our Dominican [TS]

00:35:27   friends in the hills of San Francisco is [TS]

00:35:32   up there probably in a in a cold cell a [TS]

00:35:37   half the day trying to a lot of time on [TS]

00:35:39   his iphone job it does yeah that I don't [TS]

00:35:43   know what's going on with those [TS]

00:35:43   dominicans these days they don't they [TS]

00:35:46   don't think the bear flagellating [TS]

00:35:48   themselves like they used to [TS]

00:35:50   yeah I'm or if he's got some kind of [TS]

00:35:52   icky flagellation app in a modulation [TS]

00:35:55   purchases work for you [TS]

00:35:56   he swings his iphone / shoulder and [TS]

00:35:59   makes us sound about leveled up to their [TS]

00:36:04   shirt silver hello boom we have fun and [TS]

00:36:12   we need to we kid [TS]

00:36:13   yeah it's in a spirit of Eagle asst yeah [TS]

00:36:17   i wish that we could be less ego full [TS]

00:36:19   I'mI'm [TS]

00:36:20   I'm fine to talk about this thing's this [TS]

00:36:22   yeah I decided you know I know I know [TS]

00:36:24   your level 3 a Shaolin monk [TS]

00:36:27   yeah I hi dexterity pretty good charisma [TS]

00:36:31   quiet walking [TS]

00:36:33   mhm i always like that thing where our [TS]

00:36:36   monks could like fall down a wall was [TS]

00:36:39   like four feet per level something like [TS]

00:36:41   that remember them must have months had [TS]

00:36:43   a power where they could get the [TS]

00:36:46   quivering palm you remember that I [TS]

00:36:48   remember I remember reading about it in [TS]

00:36:50   the dungeon master can you do i I didn't [TS]

00:36:52   actually play D&D i just read it [TS]

00:36:53   yeah that's the tragedy of that i never [TS]

00:36:57   played the game enough to get out of the [TS]

00:37:02   just like let's go to war stage who and [TS]

00:37:06   I think that real dnd players spend a [TS]

00:37:08   lot of time like getting water from the [TS]

00:37:10   well like I go to get water from the [TS]

00:37:12   well somebody rolls of a seven sided [TS]

00:37:15   dice [TS]

00:37:17   Oh clothes on the basis of excited [TS]

00:37:21   states within the well you see a leaf on [TS]

00:37:25   the ground accompany innkeeper [TS]

00:37:27   approaches you traveler [TS]

00:37:30   no I'm the same way I mean for the fun [TS]

00:37:32   part is I'm like that with with [TS]

00:37:34   everything whether that's where that's [TS]

00:37:35   movies well movies [TS]

00:37:37   beware example but with the rock and [TS]

00:37:38   roll with D&D with history and there's [TS]

00:37:43   all kinds of stuff where I i did I [TS]

00:37:44   haven't participated in it just wanted [TS]

00:37:46   to write about it [TS]

00:37:48   yeah yeah yeah now I bet out now I was [TS]

00:37:51   definitely like that and i have [TS]

00:37:52   discovered that I enters at least the [TS]

00:37:53   D&D stuff and yeah Rocco stuck to their [TS]

00:37:56   a lot of people who just read about dnd [TS]

00:37:58   a lot [TS]

00:37:59   oh yeah well I think this is the same [TS]

00:38:00   thing with Buddhism we just want to get [TS]

00:38:02   to the good part [TS]

00:38:03   just get to the part where uh where are [TS]

00:38:06   all your cares melt away [TS]

00:38:08   oh boy what a Salesman Buddhism has in [TS]

00:38:15   you you just climb up to the top of the [TS]

00:38:18   ladder right and then yeah you got the [TS]

00:38:21   Buddhism ladder yeah you get the top of [TS]

00:38:23   the Buddhism rather than looking down on [TS]

00:38:24   everybody and now he called a nine-run [TS]

00:38:26   ladder you've got legal business [TS]

00:38:29   oh my god down pit from the high ground [TS]

00:38:31   you got acting all fancy talking about [TS]

00:38:34   vegetarian food that's number four I [TS]

00:38:35   watching the river and not watching the [TS]

00:38:40   river [TS]

00:38:41   first there is a mountain that there is [TS]

00:38:44   no mountain who [TS]

00:38:45   and then there's a mountain mm then [TS]

00:38:48   paradoxes right seven is paradox is sick [TS]

00:38:51   there is no number seven number eight [TS]

00:38:55   you do not talk about Fight Club or nine [TS]

00:38:57   location location location location [TS]

00:38:59   location [TS]

00:39:01   that's the tenants of Buddhism number 10 [TS]

00:39:04   were you just not listening to number [TS]

00:39:06   nine [TS]

00:39:08   yeah i see i don't understand why you [TS]

00:39:13   can't just eat all the vegetables and [TS]

00:39:15   fruits we gonna do some what's the point [TS]

00:39:17   of juicing that's the thing as you say [TS]

00:39:19   what I think they're yeah you throw you [TS]

00:39:21   got away from there pretty fast number [TS]

00:39:23   11 as he does you as you said before you [TS]

00:39:26   throw a master of spinach into the [TS]

00:39:28   blender and eight and you get a symbol [TS]

00:39:31   of spinach juice and you say wow all [TS]

00:39:33   that spinach went into this thimble and [TS]

00:39:36   it's not like that isn't the fucking [TS]

00:39:37   spinach fiber where all the good stuff [TS]

00:39:39   isn't believes you're forgetting that [TS]

00:39:42   there's a huge hopper there's basically [TS]

00:39:43   a dumpster behind this juicer where all [TS]

00:39:46   the spinach and looks like it's a good [TS]

00:39:47   Chinese food buffet gets left behind [TS]

00:39:49   yeah right exactly it's the it's the [TS]

00:39:51   like cooked cooked green matter it's [TS]

00:39:55   like ground-up hope [TS]

00:39:57   thank you for that [TS]

00:40:01   yeah i've read comic books and you had a [TS]

00:40:03   boy a but seriously it's just so the [TS]

00:40:07   juice but parties but I mean setting [TS]

00:40:08   aside that it maybe there's some lady [TS]

00:40:10   boss thing about probation but it is [TS]

00:40:12   supposed to get a cleanse the idea is [TS]

00:40:13   that you're not adding to the junk [TS]

00:40:16   you've got in your body and with certain [TS]

00:40:17   kinds of lenses ad is really taking in [TS]

00:40:20   new stuff that's helping you get rid of [TS]

00:40:22   whatever it's called toxins rather [TS]

00:40:24   adding new ones is kind of the notion [TS]

00:40:26   right it gives your body a chance to [TS]

00:40:27   stabilize and kinda like reset the [TS]

00:40:29   faders that kind of idea i guess but i [TS]

00:40:32   feel like i feel like there there there [TS]

00:40:34   are two there are two cultures at war [TS]

00:40:37   here and maybe maybe we're back to [TS]

00:40:39   talking about the humors into that let's [TS]

00:40:42   talk about the humors but there are [TS]

00:40:44   people who are [TS]

00:40:45   talking about your blood and the and the [TS]

00:40:48   relative like a viscosity of the sugar [TS]

00:40:52   in it and then there are these other [TS]

00:40:54   people talking about your gut and like [TS]

00:40:58   oh you need to get all of that hardened [TS]

00:41:00   fecal matter out of your bowel so you [TS]

00:41:02   need to take all this juice and then [TS]

00:41:03   it's like well now I'm hypoglycemic but [TS]

00:41:06   a but somehow I've cleaned out my colon [TS]

00:41:09   like I know I know that there is a [TS]

00:41:10   holistic way to approach living that [TS]

00:41:15   involves the nine steps there's this and [TS]

00:41:18   I think at this point just unless [TS]

00:41:19   comments that the 13 now it's a 13 [TS]

00:41:22   they're doing ladder 13 wrong ladder of [TS]

00:41:25   Buddhism the 13 throne is get it [TS]

00:41:30   yeah you just reach the Tory bitch nice [TS]

00:41:33   make it centori times tonight is special [TS]

00:41:39   now the 12 but yeah the 12th is colon [TS]

00:41:41   cleanse [TS]

00:41:42   yeah and the 13th wrong isbell oh but [TS]

00:41:46   like I don't want to sacrifice the the [TS]

00:41:48   hard-won gains I've made in my blood to [TS]

00:41:52   a to check to flushing have heavily [TS]

00:41:55   impacted little friends that you have as [TS]

00:41:57   such this user you have old friends down [TS]

00:42:00   there you don't want to make them leave [TS]

00:42:01   yeah and that then and ultimately like [TS]

00:42:03   for me because the substance abuse a [TS]

00:42:07   gene in me it just sits there and throbs [TS]

00:42:11   all the time like is there something [TS]

00:42:13   that you can do I mean I honestly I feel [TS]

00:42:15   like for a long time magazine's were all [TS]

00:42:19   the magazines that sounds real stupid [TS]

00:42:22   but it's true you guess I can I've [TS]

00:42:24   accidentally become a magazine person [TS]

00:42:26   sometimes I know I was definitely with [TS]

00:42:27   comics for awhile musicians call an [TS]

00:42:30   inch-and-a-half comics a weekend just [TS]

00:42:31   the thing i did [TS]

00:42:32   yeah and there and they they scratch [TS]

00:42:35   that say Mitch was just like what do i [TS]

00:42:37   do what do i do oh I've got this i've [TS]

00:42:39   got a magazine i'm going to sit and read [TS]

00:42:40   this magazine and and it got so that i [TS]

00:42:43   was reading magazine six hours a day and [TS]

00:42:45   the magazines you know they give you [TS]

00:42:47   this people they'll owe you and now I'm [TS]

00:42:49   picturing a little a little that little [TS]

00:42:51   clippie icon from Microsoft or [TS]

00:42:54   it looks like you want to sign forty [TS]

00:42:56   dollars and it was an afternoon would [TS]

00:42:59   you like to read the Atlantic cow and so [TS]

00:43:01   you feel like oh yes i would like to [TS]

00:43:03   read all the hallways and actually if [TS]

00:43:05   you're getting might be back in the day [TS]

00:43:07   right we're getting the Atlantic get [TS]

00:43:09   Harper's because that's that's brain [TS]

00:43:10   food right a brain food and you come out [TS]

00:43:12   of there all informed and stuff but [TS]

00:43:14   you're just informed it you're informed [TS]

00:43:18   that a superficial level about stuff [TS]

00:43:19   that is that is interesting but [TS]

00:43:23   non-essential and and and ran really [TS]

00:43:27   like life is passing you by like that [TS]

00:43:29   was six hours that you didn't go [TS]

00:43:30   rollerblading or whatever one of this [TS]

00:43:33   you know i mean that's 14k right if [TS]

00:43:38   there's the there's the normal 14 hours [TS]

00:43:40   that you weren't rollerblading and then [TS]

00:43:41   another 60 you're not rollerbladed you [TS]

00:43:43   know what's funny though not in this [TS]

00:43:45   rambling I'm sorry I'm sick of my brains [TS]

00:43:47   not working well but in all this stuff [TS]

00:43:48   that there are a couple threads through [TS]

00:43:50   all the stuff we're talking about [TS]

00:43:50   perhaps not accidentally and it's about [TS]

00:43:53   how our bodies will is a lot our body [TS]

00:43:56   and our our our mind or soul like [TS]

00:43:58   whatever whatever part of it part of it [TS]

00:44:00   part of us that makes us is such a black [TS]

00:44:03   box [TS]

00:44:04   it really is because you know we know [TS]

00:44:06   that there are certain kinds of stuff [TS]

00:44:08   that we put into our black box that [TS]

00:44:10   makes us feel good at the time makes us [TS]

00:44:11   feel terrible later there's other kinds [TS]

00:44:13   of stuff as you learned over the years [TS]

00:44:15   that you put into your body and you're [TS]

00:44:17   not sure how it makes you feel but [TS]

00:44:18   you're pretty sure it's not making you [TS]

00:44:19   feel better and then talk about a [TS]

00:44:21   function machine like a you know I guess [TS]

00:44:25   is like a Schrodinger catbox kind of [TS]

00:44:27   thing but something where there's [TS]

00:44:28   there's a process that happens inside in [TS]

00:44:30   any black box you know theory or factory [TS]

00:44:32   talking about there's something goes in [TS]

00:44:33   we know that when something comes out [TS]

00:44:36   over here but we have no way of even [TS]

00:44:38   knowing what happens inside of the box [TS]

00:44:40   but we know something happens right so I [TS]

00:44:42   don't know if you didn't interesting [TS]

00:44:43   because sometimes i think one appeal of [TS]

00:44:47   something like messing your juice fast [TS]

00:44:49   one appeal of whether that's the crazy [TS]

00:44:52   diet or the forgive my saying cult-like [TS]

00:44:55   religions or the get-rich-quick scheme [TS]

00:44:58   or any of those kinds of things is that [TS]

00:45:00   they make it seem like the blacks black [TS]

00:45:02   box [TS]

00:45:03   can be understood and that you if [TS]

00:45:08   there's the usual should be away at a [TS]

00:45:10   steady stream of this going in will [TS]

00:45:12   cause I reliable confident stream of [TS]

00:45:16   this coming out and that's I mean that I [TS]

00:45:18   mean that exactly as abstract as I'm [TS]

00:45:19   putting it yes if you simplify your life [TS]

00:45:21   he stopped sinning you pray more you do [TS]

00:45:24   good work you tithe you can pretty much [TS]

00:45:26   expect that whatever's going on that [TS]

00:45:28   black box there's going to be a good [TS]

00:45:30   life that comes out on the other side [TS]

00:45:31   even if it's not in this world would be [TS]

00:45:33   one if you simplify your diet enough you [TS]

00:45:36   could even all that shit you eat and all [TS]

00:45:37   those cheeseburgers and multitudes and [TS]

00:45:40   get down to something as simple as the [TS]

00:45:41   juice of natural organic plants you can [TS]

00:45:44   expect that your health will improve [TS]

00:45:45   whatever is going on in that black box [TS]

00:45:47   there's gonna be stuff that you don't [TS]

00:45:49   need to know don't worry about that but [TS]

00:45:50   will come out of that is that you will [TS]

00:45:51   feel better [TS]

00:45:52   your body will operate better right [TS]

00:45:54   there's something really appealing about [TS]

00:45:55   a way to like try and I mean this is [TS]

00:45:58   just so obvious but i think it's it's [TS]

00:46:01   when we stop understanding i will never [TS]

00:46:04   really understand the black box but when [TS]

00:46:05   it's hard to go like I'm I'm sick of [TS]

00:46:07   feeling like shit like i'm so tired of [TS]

00:46:10   being tired all the time i'm tired of [TS]

00:46:11   being the Scarecrow i'm tired of juicing [TS]

00:46:14   things i'm tired of reading the Bible [TS]

00:46:15   whatever that is i don't know i think [TS]

00:46:16   that's the eternal class whether you're [TS]

00:46:18   a substance abuser at any level or not [TS]

00:46:20   is like trying to trying to reach that [TS]

00:46:23   equilibrium to where you stop notice it [TS]

00:46:25   being bad eventually noticed getting [TS]

00:46:27   better and eventually God willing you [TS]

00:46:29   stop noticing anything happening at all [TS]

00:46:31   and just feel normal [TS]

00:46:32   yeah I i have been reflecting a lot on [TS]

00:46:37   the attitudes that I carried with me for [TS]

00:46:41   many years that I see in people all [TS]

00:46:45   around me that are that are in some ways [TS]

00:46:48   the the opposite or the response to what [TS]

00:46:52   you were just saying which is the i [TS]

00:46:55   remember a time when I would say to [TS]

00:46:59   myself what is the point of life if I [TS]

00:47:02   can't have a cigarette [TS]

00:47:04   like I don't want to land and I and I [TS]

00:47:07   meant that like I don't want to live in [TS]

00:47:10   a world where I am [TS]

00:47:13   restricted from anything I kind of want [TS]

00:47:17   to live not only like in a in a in a [TS]

00:47:21   world where I am being where my [TS]

00:47:25   experience is truncated but where I am [TS]

00:47:28   I'm measuring my food or I'm i'm in any [TS]

00:47:34   way a portioning experience to myself in [TS]

00:47:37   a restricted way and so living fully [TS]

00:47:42   meant living without limits and I hear [TS]

00:47:47   that in various forms from people from [TS]

00:47:50   fully grown people all the time you know [TS]

00:47:53   and it and it and it's it's a kind of [TS]

00:47:55   response to any attempts to really [TS]

00:47:59   control oneself [TS]

00:48:02   yeah to control oneself beforehand right [TS]

00:48:06   like hearing from people like to like be [TS]

00:48:10   mindful e reject something that you [TS]

00:48:13   think it's not good for you [TS]

00:48:14   well it won't talk about guns it's the [TS]

00:48:17   know it's the logic of like like if I [TS]

00:48:20   couldn't eat steak [TS]

00:48:23   well what why would I live you know what [TS]

00:48:25   if i could meet stake my life would be [TS]

00:48:26   miserable if I couldn't drink alcohol my [TS]

00:48:28   life would be miserable if I couldn't [TS]

00:48:30   eat pizza my life would be miserable [TS]

00:48:31   like the the presumption that that the [TS]

00:48:36   that these the foodstuffs or experiences [TS]

00:48:43   or something are the source or are the [TS]

00:48:46   key of life they are the prize they are [TS]

00:48:48   the reason they are the like without [TS]

00:48:51   being able to eat steak where is the [TS]

00:48:54   enjoyment in life really is the logic [TS]

00:48:56   mostly talking about variously various [TS]

00:49:00   forms of intense sensory input most of [TS]

00:49:03   the time [TS]

00:49:03   well and and and i don't like things [TS]

00:49:05   like if I'd manuf I if I can't go to [TS]

00:49:07   imax movies anymore if I can't eat a [TS]

00:49:09   giant steak if I can't have a cigarette [TS]

00:49:10   if I can take a shot of whiskey but the [TS]

00:49:13   ultimate one is when you look at a [TS]

00:49:14   priest and say how could you how could [TS]

00:49:17   you live a celibate life like giving up [TS]

00:49:19   sex before you even had it [TS]

00:49:23   like what would be the point of this [TS]

00:49:24   what would be the point of why would why [TS]

00:49:27   would you why would you live like I [TS]

00:49:29   remember thinking that very clearly [TS]

00:49:32   imagining that the worst thing that [TS]

00:49:33   could happen to you would be that you [TS]

00:49:35   would get injured and stuff away in such [TS]

00:49:37   a way that you were you deprived is like [TS]

00:49:39   the primary reason it's awesome to be a [TS]

00:49:41   young man [TS]

00:49:42   yeah right and the primary like why why [TS]

00:49:45   interact with other people if you aren't [TS]

00:49:47   you know if you're not trying to have [TS]

00:49:49   sex with them or their sisters so as you [TS]

00:49:54   get older and in particularly in my own [TS]

00:49:56   experience like oh the more stuff that [TS]

00:49:59   you the more stuff that you just kind of [TS]

00:50:01   dispense with like oh yeah I don't like [TS]

00:50:05   I don't need to eat pizza pizza's great [TS]

00:50:10   i'm not i'm not empty pizza but pizza [TS]

00:50:14   isn't central to like today being a good [TS]

00:50:17   day and not being able to have it and [TS]

00:50:21   not being able to have sex you know like [TS]

00:50:22   none of those things are central to [TS]

00:50:25   having an enjoyable ex human experience [TS]

00:50:29   and and the like a profound human [TS]

00:50:32   experience and so and I guess it's part [TS]

00:50:35   part of like when you imagine somebody [TS]

00:50:37   who is like Stephen Hawking you know [TS]

00:50:42   confined to a chair and not even really [TS]

00:50:44   able to communicate without great effort [TS]

00:50:46   and yet he still is deriving great [TS]

00:50:49   pleasure for being alive he you know he [TS]

00:50:53   wants to be alive he is like living a [TS]

00:50:56   full life and it's all happening in his [TS]

00:50:59   mind [TS]

00:51:00   um and then you then you can trust that [TS]

00:51:05   with with like I get every every one of [TS]

00:51:08   these experiments experiments i take i [TS]

00:51:10   go out in the world I talk to my friends [TS]

00:51:12   like a lot of pushback particularly from [TS]

00:51:13   rock-and-roll people was just like you [TS]

00:51:16   know what I did today I i ate a [TS]

00:51:17   cigarette just despite the fact was like [TS]

00:51:22   Jason fit but up haha judge Jason would [TS]

00:51:29   dip a cigarette liquid cocaine and stick [TS]

00:51:31   it up his ass just despite [TS]

00:51:33   guess what i'm wearing [TS]

00:51:38   no but trying but but you know but but [TS]

00:51:42   you don't want to be a drag either and [TS]

00:51:44   you don't want to be a you don't want to [TS]

00:51:46   you don't want to follow this path so [TS]

00:51:49   that you're outside of everything you [TS]

00:51:51   ever knew [TS]

00:51:52   I've never gotten that from you I mean I [TS]

00:51:54   said I feel like I I never what we're [TS]

00:51:57   talking to do you know you can say can [TS]

00:52:00   do things that you that you believe [TS]

00:52:02   about the world including things like [TS]

00:52:03   substances but I've never in any [TS]

00:52:05   situation ever seen you looking like [TS]

00:52:07   scally even around drunk people I've [TS]

00:52:09   never I don't think I've ever seen you [TS]

00:52:11   which i think is really amazing like [TS]

00:52:13   when I'm around people who have decided [TS]

00:52:14   to stop doing substances I still feel [TS]

00:52:17   kind of funny [TS]

00:52:18   lame i feel like i feel not guilty but I [TS]

00:52:22   feel weird about it and I'm unconscious [TS]

00:52:26   about that around you but in situations [TS]

00:52:28   where it's way more than me where it [TS]

00:52:29   could be like a whole backstage area [TS]

00:52:30   with everybody running around or at a [TS]

00:52:32   club right somewhere like work maybe we [TS]

00:52:35   could do a show and people are having [TS]

00:52:36   drinks or something i don't see like [TS]

00:52:38   looking at the corner of your eye like [TS]

00:52:39   in a g-way oh no no I don't mean a drag [TS]

00:52:42   that way I mean a drag the other way [TS]

00:52:44   where where where [TS]

00:52:47   like I am so into my trip that I'm just [TS]

00:52:53   boring to talk to or or interact with [TS]

00:52:56   not that not that I'm looking at other [TS]

00:52:58   people and saying like oh man you need [TS]

00:52:59   to get with the program you need to find [TS]

00:53:02   that you need to eat just drink press [TS]

00:53:04   sunflower oil like I've been doing for [TS]

00:53:06   the last four years but but no just that [TS]

00:53:09   I would be that I would be taken out of [TS]

00:53:12   life to the extent that i know that i am [TS]

00:53:16   no longer able to participate in the and [TS]

00:53:19   honest truth is like having a eliminated [TS]

00:53:22   almost all vice with the exception of [TS]

00:53:25   like you know interpersonal devices that [TS]

00:53:29   could be without this interpersonal [TS]

00:53:31   vices are are all I have now and it's [TS]

00:53:34   very tough to bottle it [TS]

00:53:36   but that's why I need your loads but but [TS]

00:53:41   the other you know all the other [TS]

00:53:43   chemical vices and and and material [TS]

00:53:46   vices like I've eliminated most of them [TS]

00:53:50   and yet i still am able to to be right [TS]

00:53:53   in the center of a of a Bacchanalia and [TS]

00:53:57   not feel either that I'm dis included or [TS]

00:54:03   that that I'm bringing anybody down [TS]

00:54:06   you know like people all around me are [TS]

00:54:08   our I all the time and they know how I [TS]

00:54:12   feel about it they know i feel about [TS]

00:54:13   them and I and yet I'd I guess I don't [TS]

00:54:18   feel like I'm I don't feel it that I [TS]

00:54:20   inhibit them and and and partly it is [TS]

00:54:23   that I'm that having cut all those [TS]

00:54:26   things out of my life I do not register [TS]

00:54:28   any fewer problems in my own life you [TS]

00:54:32   know what I mean like what i've done is [TS]

00:54:34   i have eliminated the following problems [TS]

00:54:36   I no longer wake up in jail [TS]

00:54:38   I no longer like hacking cough for 20 [TS]

00:54:42   minutes when i first wake up in the [TS]

00:54:43   morning like wake up with an injury you [TS]

00:54:46   can't explain I that sucks i almost [TS]

00:54:49   never have that although I was not even [TS]

00:54:51   had that the right i mean isn't that's [TS]

00:54:53   that's a terrible feeling i mean even [TS]

00:54:55   just waking up for me like you used to [TS]

00:54:57   be just waking up somewhere and clearly [TS]

00:54:59   not quite sure how I ended up here and [TS]

00:55:03   what the hour before that look like in [TS]

00:55:06   the that I was having this conversation [TS]

00:55:08   with some with a good friend the other [TS]

00:55:10   day and she said you have a really [TS]

00:55:12   amazing memory and I was like well it's [TS]

00:55:17   hard for me to to it's hard for me to [TS]

00:55:19   say because I don't know what it's like [TS]

00:55:21   to be inside other people's minds but i [TS]

00:55:24   am for years and years I assumed that [TS]

00:55:27   people were lying or faking when they [TS]

00:55:29   said they didn't remember stuff [TS]

00:55:31   sometimes like stuff that just happened [TS]

00:55:35   recently who like what you mean you [TS]

00:55:37   don't remember [TS]

00:55:38   I mean this is a bone of contention with [TS]

00:55:40   people where they would say oh I ran [TS]

00:55:42   into amazing clots and i would say Oh [TS]

00:55:45   what amazing say oh she said that [TS]

00:55:48   everything's cool no I mean exactly what [TS]

00:55:50   did she say like you said hi Maisie and [TS]

00:55:52   she said what I don't remember she said [TS]

00:55:55   that everything was cool and it was like [TS]

00:55:57   that inability to remember conversations [TS]

00:55:59   to remember conversations as though they [TS]

00:56:02   were scripts blackout I can take i find [TS]

00:56:06   that utterly magical being able to do [TS]

00:56:09   that and and I can barely remember the [TS]

00:56:11   gist of the conversation I've ever have [TS]

00:56:13   a lot of the names of the people that [TS]

00:56:15   were there and for me like when I meet [TS]

00:56:17   somebody on the street i am recording [TS]

00:56:19   our conversation in my in my memory like [TS]

00:56:23   it is [TS]

00:56:24   yeah like it's a screenplay and i'm very [TS]

00:56:27   excited about it when i talk to somebody [TS]

00:56:28   later and they're like and and and rich [TS]

00:56:31   sometimes months later i can recall the [TS]

00:56:35   conversation and the and the whole arc [TS]

00:56:38   of it and what the salient point of it [TS]

00:56:40   was and and also liked what i thought [TS]

00:56:43   that person was thinking while we were [TS]

00:56:45   talking I mean I'm recording that stuff [TS]

00:56:47   and I'm not doing it intentionally it's [TS]

00:56:49   just happening over and I always assumed [TS]

00:56:51   that happen for everybody so I was I was [TS]

00:56:53   just I was stunned when people would [TS]

00:56:55   relate conversations it's like a perfect [TS]

00:56:58   pitch where you just go like oh well why [TS]

00:57:00   would you not hear that that's an F [TS]

00:57:02   sharp right and so even when I was the [TS]

00:57:05   most fucked up on on drugs and alcohol [TS]

00:57:09   I never really blacked out and I never [TS]

00:57:13   woke up in the morning and failed to [TS]

00:57:15   remember why my pillow was covered with [TS]

00:57:18   blood [TS]

00:57:19   like I would wake up in the morning I [TS]

00:57:20   would go oh right and and part of that [TS]

00:57:23   or up some of the fallout from that is [TS]

00:57:27   that I cannot forget some of the [TS]

00:57:30   episodes that i would most like to [TS]

00:57:33   forget and I think people who don't have [TS]

00:57:37   that kind of memory are blessed [TS]

00:57:40   because they because those in those like [TS]

00:57:44   psychic injuries that happen to them [TS]

00:57:46   when they were young fade quickly and [TS]

00:57:49   fade to like us just become kind of a [TS]

00:57:53   smear and I can really go back to every [TS]

00:57:56   one of the every bad episode and just [TS]

00:57:59   relive the whole thing in in Technicolor [TS]

00:58:02   detail [TS]

00:58:03   wow if I allow myself to and that is not [TS]

00:58:06   it's not great it's not fun so so that [TS]

00:58:11   is that's like one of the one of the the [TS]

00:58:14   Bombers of being built the way I am as [TS]

00:58:16   this is this ability to recall you think [TS]

00:58:18   you'll get something from Greek [TS]

00:58:19   mythology like no matter what what no [TS]

00:58:22   matter what horrible thing it's like you [TS]

00:58:24   know Gary all I have eternal life [TS]

00:58:26   yeah I get to watch everybody ever loved [TS]

00:58:29   I right first years i can read any [TS]

00:58:32   paying you oh I broke my glasses that [TS]

00:58:35   time enough at last it's Billy money [TS]

00:58:38   whoo-hoo so so I so I feel like I feel [TS]

00:58:45   like the substance abuse thing in my own [TS]

00:58:51   life like cutting out all the drugs [TS]

00:58:54   cutting out all of the I mean everything [TS]

00:58:59   that could potentially everything that I [TS]

00:59:01   could take refuge in against reality [TS]

00:59:06   eliminating those things has eliminated [TS]

00:59:10   all the side effects of them but we all [TS]

00:59:14   the problems that are somewhat unique to [TS]

00:59:17   that the culture of being somebody who [TS]

00:59:18   does all of that [TS]

00:59:20   yeah right and and all of the and all of [TS]

00:59:21   the side effects that are specific to [TS]

00:59:23   each individual drug like the the [TS]

00:59:26   hangover that you get from from gym is [TS]

00:59:29   different than the hangover you get from [TS]

00:59:31   wine you remember them all remember them [TS]

00:59:34   all but what what what continues to be [TS]

00:59:39   true is that I have all of the problems [TS]

00:59:41   with reality that i always had have all [TS]

00:59:45   the problems integrating with the world [TS]

00:59:47   that I always have [TS]

00:59:48   and the challenge has been here that the [TS]

00:59:55   challenge with the birth or the the the [TS]

00:59:57   story of the black box that you're [TS]

00:59:59   describing is [TS]

00:59:59   describing is [TS]

01:00:00   that you not only are you not only if [TS]

01:00:03   you if you join Scientology are you [TS]

01:00:05   going to stop being an alcoholic but [TS]

01:00:07   also all the root problems are going to [TS]

01:00:09   go away to and and that is true of kind [TS]

01:00:14   of every religious cult of every diet [TS]

01:00:16   plan I mean nobody ever says go on this [TS]

01:00:18   crash diet you lose a bunch of weight [TS]

01:00:20   but you'll still be a depressed [TS]

01:00:22   miserable bitter angry son of a bit [TS]

01:00:24   listen it's a magic way of seeing the [TS]

01:00:27   world that leads to a magic way of [TS]

01:00:29   solving your problems through like a [TS]

01:00:32   magic way of fixing all the things that [TS]

01:00:34   you came in with [TS]

01:00:35   and it's all magic and for me the there [TS]

01:00:38   has never been there's never been a [TS]

01:00:42   thing either a drug i took or quitting [TS]

01:00:45   doing that drug that really made it any [TS]

01:00:48   easier to get up in the morning light [TS]

01:00:50   you know now I mean like quite the [TS]

01:00:53   contrary and that's why people drink and [TS]

01:00:55   that's that's that's the fucking point [TS]

01:00:58   yeah that's why that's why speed is so [TS]

01:01:01   tantalizing well it's it's it's you [TS]

01:01:03   it does make it easier to get up in the [TS]

01:01:05   morn there's this one's for Chris [TS]

01:01:08   there's a Buddhist parable called the [TS]

01:01:11   the parable of the 84th problem uh is [TS]

01:01:15   that that's a jay-z song that's right [TS]

01:01:17   bitch ain't one guy goes it goes to [TS]

01:01:20   second goes into a bar he goes up to the [TS]

01:01:23   to the the master that's and always [TS]

01:01:24   always in one of the stories and he says [TS]

01:01:26   about these problems i got you know it's [TS]

01:01:28   like he's got the life of job like [TS]

01:01:29   everything's just tits up in this guy's [TS]

01:01:31   lowlife his wife's cheating on his crops [TS]

01:01:33   are dying he's got he's got problems [TS]

01:01:34   kids are assholes and he just goes on he [TS]

01:01:37   says and what do i do about this and [TS]

01:01:41   again the the master guy says well you [TS]

01:01:43   know the thing you don't realize is that [TS]

01:01:45   you've got 83 problems and everybody in [TS]

01:01:49   the entire world will always have 83 [TS]

01:01:51   problems like as soon as you solve in [TS]

01:01:54   your mind one problem you'll find [TS]

01:01:56   another problem you'll never have a day [TS]

01:01:57   we don't have 83 problems right back to [TS]

01:02:01   the second set but you also have an 84th [TS]

01:02:03   problem which is that you think you [TS]

01:02:05   shouldn't have 83 problems [TS]

01:02:07   call i I'm telling you man that story [TS]

01:02:11   has more residents for me every couple [TS]

01:02:12   years because I realize how true the [TS]

01:02:15   eighth especially the 83 problems part [TS]

01:02:16   is it's another thing to think that you [TS]

01:02:18   know you should be above having problems [TS]

01:02:20   in life but IM it for me like I always [TS]

01:02:23   have talked about this a lot on the [TS]

01:02:24   other show idea but always make another [TS]

01:02:26   show i do yeah yeah it says here on the [TS]

01:02:29   internet and I i discovered that i I'm [TS]

01:02:33   I'm unhappily coming to realize and [TS]

01:02:37   accept I don't have an answer yet that I [TS]

01:02:39   i think i might just always being an [TS]

01:02:42   anxious person in the sense that i will [TS]

01:02:44   always find a primary thing to worry [TS]

01:02:47   about several secondary things to worry [TS]

01:02:49   about and then a seemingly endless [TS]

01:02:51   collection of tertiary things to worry [TS]

01:02:53   about getting rid of even getting rid of [TS]

01:02:55   the big number one we know that means [TS]

01:02:57   there's a field promotion for one of the [TS]

01:02:58   secondary problems guess what you get to [TS]

01:03:00   go to the line as a kid you made it you [TS]

01:03:03   made another show 10 your girl's number [TS]

01:03:07   one problem right now how do you feel [TS]

01:03:08   thanks cap but you know it's silly [TS]

01:03:12   parable maybe but I i find that to be [TS]

01:03:14   true then why say that because cool [TS]

01:03:16   you're describing is if if you there's [TS]

01:03:18   something very comforting about certain [TS]

01:03:20   kinds of problems and you know to get [TS]

01:03:22   into like the crazy family dynamics and [TS]

01:03:23   abuse and stuff like that but there are [TS]

01:03:25   certain things where you know if you [TS]

01:03:27   have to choose between the devil you [TS]

01:03:28   know than the devil you don't know even [TS]

01:03:30   if you're not aware of it you might [TS]

01:03:31   continue to seek out the problem that [TS]

01:03:33   you're familiar with and the problem [TS]

01:03:35   that you're comfortable solving or more [TS]

01:03:36   often not solving and sometimes I really [TS]

01:03:38   honestly believe that somebody can be [TS]

01:03:40   more whatever makes you happy like i say [TS]

01:03:43   comfortable but more okay with just not [TS]

01:03:47   solving the same problem for a really [TS]

01:03:49   long time and that problem is taken away [TS]

01:03:50   from them if that that comforting [TS]

01:03:52   anxiety that they developed a [TS]

01:03:53   relationship that little friend goes [TS]

01:03:55   away [TS]

01:03:56   that's a that can be really only a [TS]

01:03:59   really crazy thing like having like a [TS]

01:04:00   little foundation and yes and I mean [TS]

01:04:02   almost along the lines of like me to [TS]

01:04:03   talk about the dentist like having a [TS]

01:04:05   tooth root and you feel like it's not [TS]

01:04:06   your mouth anymore that tooth you know [TS]

01:04:08   that problem is like that too [TS]

01:04:10   even if it's a rotten one it's one that [TS]

01:04:11   you recognize and now it's gone and now [TS]

01:04:14   you're in a different kind of anxiety [TS]

01:04:15   because now you don't even know what [TS]

01:04:16   your next thing you should worry about [TS]

01:04:17   should be enough that doesn't sound like [TS]

01:04:19   you but I'm saying is [TS]

01:04:20   if you are if not you but if you select [TS]

01:04:22   something like you notice the drunk and [TS]

01:04:25   fuck you you have the same dialogues I [TS]

01:04:27   loved Otis remember he's locked himself [TS]

01:04:28   in and out of the cell was only trying [TS]

01:04:33   the door knobs on all the bathrooms that [TS]

01:04:35   my problem is a my presentation my point [TS]

01:04:40   that right yeah is that like just [TS]

01:04:41   getting rid of all the problems that [TS]

01:04:43   come around because because one is a is [TS]

01:04:45   addicted to narcotics [TS]

01:04:48   yes behavior problems anymore it's just [TS]

01:04:50   you have more subtle and ultimately kind [TS]

01:04:52   of difficult problems that are you know [TS]

01:04:55   now now you gotta really do the real [TS]

01:04:57   work with yeah they're looking at him [TS]

01:04:59   instead of running away from the menu [TS]

01:05:01   and and i don't mean running away I mean [TS]

01:05:02   that the language of of recovery is so [TS]

01:05:06   fraught and he say something like [TS]

01:05:10   runaway and automatically I i I'm like [TS]

01:05:14   impelled to say i don't mean running [TS]

01:05:16   away in the sense of being cowardly you [TS]

01:05:21   know this is one of the things that so [TS]

01:05:22   many alcoholics are like it's a it's [TS]

01:05:26   like an knee-jerk response to like they [TS]

01:05:29   feel like doing drugs and being drunk is [TS]

01:05:32   heroic and that they are not running [TS]

01:05:35   away from their problems they are they [TS]

01:05:37   are fighting you know there because that [TS]

01:05:39   because their lives feel like a full of [TS]

01:05:42   strife and heroic fight and contest you [TS]

01:05:46   know because they stumble out of the bar [TS]

01:05:48   at night and they run into some street [TS]

01:05:50   person and they have some they go on [TS]

01:05:53   some adventure and it all feels like [TS]

01:05:54   very Greek to be living the life and it [TS]

01:05:59   nightly quests you do you have nightly [TS]

01:06:01   question sometimes that questions just [TS]

01:06:03   like can i get home in this condition [TS]

01:06:06   because I can't you know I can't drive [TS]

01:06:09   or I can't find my car and it's raining [TS]

01:06:11   and there are no cabs like can I even [TS]

01:06:13   get home without without passing out in [TS]

01:06:16   the doorway and that when you do get [TS]

01:06:19   home and the next morning like it does [TS]

01:06:21   feel a little bit like a question [TS]

01:06:22   certainly you're giving yourself some [TS]

01:06:25   some obstacles that are both life and [TS]

01:06:28   death and also pretty pretty uh [TS]

01:06:32   easy to solve that you step out of your [TS]

01:06:33   experience points yeah exactly like my [TS]

01:06:36   mama class is pretty high got good hit [TS]

01:06:38   points and the reality is since I [TS]

01:06:41   stopped drinking the number of times [TS]

01:06:42   that I walk in the front door of my [TS]

01:06:44   house and go and collapsed on the floor [TS]

01:06:45   ago I made it all but I have like a lot [TS]

01:06:50   fewer because everything will become [TS]

01:06:52   depressed whale good so next you know [TS]

01:06:55   that's not the that's not the big quest [TS]

01:06:59   and and I and that is something that i [TS]

01:07:03   miss be the daily kind of excitement of [TS]

01:07:08   of triumph and a conquering adversity [TS]

01:07:14   that you just you put into your life but [TS]

01:07:19   you put into your life with drugs and [TS]

01:07:21   alcohol and honestly with food and with [TS]

01:07:23   sport and all this stuff you know all [TS]

01:07:25   this kind of action that seems very that [TS]

01:07:31   seems very heroic and then in the end [TS]

01:07:32   all it is all that happened at the end [TS]

01:07:35   of the day is that you made it home and [TS]

01:07:37   that was actually pretty easy to do for [TS]

01:07:40   for me the-the-the-the ghost that haunts [TS]

01:07:43   me or the the main my main brokenness I [TS]

01:07:48   guess is that i do not have a definition [TS]

01:07:52   of success there is no there is no [TS]

01:07:58   success in my life because I do not [TS]

01:08:01   allow there to be like I i have no there [TS]

01:08:06   i have not defined success so therefore [TS]

01:08:10   everything is a failure and my greatest [TS]

01:08:16   triumphs are still failing failures and [TS]

01:08:20   that is a that is this puzzle box that [TS]

01:08:24   no matter what I do no matter what I [TS]

01:08:28   quit doing no matter what advice I quit [TS]

01:08:30   doing no matter what a like new exercise [TS]

01:08:36   his program i go on or what what [TS]

01:08:39   studying i do or what new new exciting [TS]

01:08:42   adventure i go on i don't have a simple [TS]

01:08:47   definition of success for myself and so [TS]

01:08:50   I I I never congratulate myself I don't [TS]

01:08:54   accept congratulations and at the end of [TS]

01:08:58   the day I look up at my wall at my [TS]

01:09:02   blue-ribbon wall and there are no blue [TS]

01:09:04   ribbons on it [TS]

01:09:05   there are like three white ribbons that [TS]

01:09:08   I have allowed that I deserve you know [TS]

01:09:12   like okay good job third place you know [TS]

01:09:16   the greatest events of my life I have [TS]

01:09:18   allowed some I have allowed myself to to [TS]

01:09:21   reward myself a third place ribbon and [TS]

01:09:26   so I have this tattered little bulletin [TS]

01:09:28   board that has like three or four white [TS]

01:09:31   ribbons on it but you're like the [TS]

01:09:32   Russian judge you you're not going to [TS]

01:09:34   let anything up there that didn't really [TS]

01:09:35   really irrefutably deserve to be there [TS]

01:09:38   yeah and and you know maybe that's a [TS]

01:09:40   third place maybe that sublime bronze or [TS]

01:09:41   white [TS]

01:09:42   well you know like my walk across Europe [TS]

01:09:44   for instance where I very definitely for [TS]

01:09:49   months on end was in constant combat [TS]

01:09:54   with myself and then actually you know [TS]

01:10:01   walked the last three days of that walk [TS]

01:10:04   even though every voice in my head was [TS]

01:10:07   screaming at me you know just get on a [TS]

01:10:09   fucking bus you're there you made it to [TS]

01:10:11   Istanbul just get on a city bus and take [TS]

01:10:13   it to the airport and go home [TS]

01:10:15   um I you know I thought those voices and [TS]

01:10:19   walked all the way to the Hagia Sophia [TS]

01:10:22   and so I cannot there is no part of me [TS]

01:10:25   that can rob myself of that but I also [TS]

01:10:29   can't get myself a first-place ribbon I [TS]

01:10:31   can't you know get myself a blue ribbon [TS]

01:10:33   because of all the because of the fact [TS]

01:10:36   that i spent the whole time finding [TS]

01:10:37   myself instead of walking on a magic [TS]

01:10:39   carpet in Buddhist bliss or whatever you [TS]

01:10:43   know like right right i should have been [TS]

01:10:45   fighting myself I should have been [TS]

01:10:46   arguing with myself for sale of points [TS]

01:10:48   on the technical that's right [TS]

01:10:50   that's right you didn't go ahead and [TS]

01:10:51   nail to finish my form was all fucked up [TS]

01:10:54   i should have been i should have had no [TS]

01:10:56   possessions and I should have just [TS]

01:10:57   walked from loving stranger to loving [TS]

01:11:01   stranger basking in the glow of of my [TS]

01:11:06   humanity and I should have arrived in [TS]

01:11:08   Stamboul and dissemination have made me [TS]

01:11:10   Pasha of all the infidels but none of [TS]

01:11:14   that happened so no blue ribbon but but [TS]

01:11:18   but you know but white ribbon 444 effort [TS]

01:11:22   for getting there you know and that's [TS]

01:11:24   like one of the one of my big adventures [TS]

01:11:26   right that's like a that is a thing that [TS]

01:11:28   i will the whole rest of my life I'm [TS]

01:11:30   gonna be reflecting on the fact that I [TS]

01:11:31   once walked from amsterdam to Istanbul [TS]

01:11:33   and that i only gave myself a [TS]

01:11:35   third-place finish and that's crazy it's [TS]

01:11:42   crazy to me and and as I'm talking about [TS]

01:11:44   doing this weekly show up here in [TS]

01:11:46   Seattle my very close friends who are [TS]

01:11:50   aware of this problem you know have have [TS]

01:11:54   kind of leaned in and said what does [TS]

01:11:57   success look like for you in this like [TS]

01:12:00   what you're about to do this it's a it's [TS]

01:12:02   a big risk [TS]

01:12:04   what do you hope to accomplish and I [TS]

01:12:07   have no I mean not only can i not answer [TS]

01:12:11   them but I'm rushing into a new project [TS]

01:12:15   and i haven't even sat with myself and [TS]

01:12:18   and digested this possibility like are [TS]

01:12:22   you doing a new show and you're just [TS]

01:12:24   going to do it and every day is going to [TS]

01:12:25   be a new opportunity for failure [TS]

01:12:27   uh-huh so that had that haunts me it [TS]

01:12:33   it haunted me when I was a little kid it [TS]

01:12:35   haunted me all the way through school it [TS]

01:12:37   was a big part of why I turned to drugs [TS]

01:12:40   i think and then quitting drugs and [TS]

01:12:45   alcohol was a was a thing that I hoped [TS]

01:12:49   would be a triumph that would break that [TS]

01:12:54   break the back of that forever but i [TS]

01:12:56   really only give myself a white ribbon [TS]

01:12:58   for quitting drugs and alcohol to you [TS]

01:13:01   know it's just like it's the ribbon that [TS]

01:13:03   you think [TS]

01:13:04   that you get as a kid wouldn't like you [TS]

01:13:06   showed up it's an attendance rip right [TS]

01:13:08   right near perfect attend to that [TS]

01:13:10   near-perfect attendance and so so i [TS]

01:13:13   cannot i guess i cannot delight in my [TS]

01:13:16   achievement and it and I I don't even I [TS]

01:13:19   wouldn't even asked to delight in [TS]

01:13:21   achievement but just not to not to not [TS]

01:13:26   have my instinct be to denigrate my own [TS]

01:13:28   achievement at every turn and I don't [TS]

01:13:31   know that's the well stroll [TS]

01:13:33   yep you know and I don't know how to [TS]

01:13:36   solve it [TS]

01:13:37   I don't know what I end and over the [TS]

01:13:39   years people have put a thousand black [TS]

01:13:41   boxes in front of me and said if only [TS]

01:13:44   you accept this black box you'll go in [TS]

01:13:48   one side you'll come out the other and [TS]

01:13:49   it will be you know and and psychology [TS]

01:13:52   is one of those boxes and and zoloft is [TS]

01:13:58   one of those boxes and exercise and [TS]

01:14:01   nutrition exercise and nutrition is one [TS]

01:14:03   of those boxes and the power of positive [TS]

01:14:04   thinking by norman vincent peale is a is [TS]

01:14:09   one of those boxes etc etc etc and I [TS]

01:14:11   just have never have tried a lot of [TS]

01:14:13   boxes i have i have denied a lot of [TS]

01:14:17   boxes just on principle but you know I [TS]

01:14:21   honestly don't know and I feel like [TS]

01:14:24   maybe I should write post-it notes and [TS]

01:14:26   put them all over my house that say do [TS]

01:14:28   it ! go for it you're the best you know [TS]

01:14:34   I see that stuff in thrift stores all [TS]

01:14:35   the time peoples peoples like a picture [TS]

01:14:39   of a thumbprint is your somebody and not [TS]

01:14:43   stop stop really thats hanging on the [TS]

01:14:46   walls of dentists office honestly harsh [TS]

01:14:47   critic you know I mean it's it this is [TS]

01:14:51   nothing that you don't know but you you [TS]

01:14:53   do you think a lot you could think any [TS]

01:14:55   idea into into a fine dust and and [TS]

01:15:00   problems your white ribbon bow now [TS]

01:15:07   you do you think you thinking you and [TS]

01:15:10   you are you know it's a I don't know if [TS]

01:15:15   you ever want to shut your thinking off [TS]

01:15:17   but you know it's I think you think [TS]

01:15:19   sometimes way beyond wind it's useful to [TS]

01:15:21   you but some trestle Inigo you need to [TS]

01:15:25   get into my special 17-point ladder rung [TS]

01:15:28   system [TS]

01:15:29   hi well I'm and tell me like give me [TS]

01:15:35   give me one of your patented Merlin uh [TS]

01:15:37   Bob dressing-down dressings down essence [TS]

01:15:41   down i'll give you a dressing-down well [TS]

01:15:43   now i know i wouldn't i wouldn't you you [TS]

01:15:45   can't be helped but where's my bail outs [TS]

01:15:50   under my cymbals banana no no [TS]

01:15:57   yeah i mean i don't know i don't know [TS]

01:16:02   I'm kind of surprised that I don't want [TS]

01:16:03   to jinx you by saying this I'm kind of [TS]

01:16:05   surprised that you've had such good [TS]

01:16:08   success getting on stage and rocking out [TS]

01:16:10   because you seem to find a kind of [TS]

01:16:13   unselfconscious rocking outness onstage [TS]

01:16:17   that is somewhat at odds with your [TS]

01:16:19   obsession with white ribbons not [TS]

01:16:21   sexually but you know what i mean like [TS]

01:16:23   like you don't interrupt going to do I [TS]

01:16:25   look [TS]

01:16:26   do I look cool doing this right now [TS]

01:16:27   right I'm sure that goes through mine on [TS]

01:16:29   some level I can you have stage presence [TS]

01:16:31   or not you know you're retarded but you [TS]

01:16:33   but you also like doesn't seem like [TS]

01:16:35   you're overthinking stuff as much in the [TS]

01:16:37   middle of the guitar solo [TS]

01:16:38   there is something about the guitar [TS]

01:16:42   there really is something about the [TS]

01:16:45   electric guitar and the acoustic guitar [TS]

01:16:47   different things that you know that [TS]

01:16:54   provide a psychological bed that for the [TS]

01:16:59   for the length of a show like I feel [TS]

01:17:03   safe with the guitar and I know [TS]

01:17:06   test as the years have gone by like I [TS]

01:17:08   know what they I know what they can do i [TS]

01:17:11   know that that that that they create a [TS]

01:17:19   kind of bubble around me that I playing [TS]

01:17:23   the guitar it does it creates a bubble [TS]

01:17:26   and within that bubble I'm critiquing my [TS]

01:17:29   own performance [TS]

01:17:30   I'm you know when I walk off the stage [TS]

01:17:33   if you talk to me in the first five [TS]

01:17:34   minutes after show i will tell you that [TS]

01:17:36   it was the worse show that anyone's ever [TS]

01:17:38   seen but while I'm on stage and in that [TS]

01:17:43   bubble [TS]

01:17:45   i I just I feel very safe and um and [TS]

01:17:51   that's the end of the storm of a rock [TS]

01:17:52   band [TS]

01:17:53   do you feel confident I mean and others [TS]

01:17:55   even thought they would go through your [TS]

01:17:56   head but you don't you're not doubting [TS]

01:17:58   your confidence when you're onstage [TS]

01:17:59   no I am for sure I mean in particular [TS]

01:18:03   because consuming John Hodges not [TS]

01:18:06   interrupting you blank playing guitar is [TS]

01:18:10   a thing that a lot of people do so when [TS]

01:18:14   i'm playing guitar I am conscious of the [TS]

01:18:16   fact that there are people in the room [TS]

01:18:18   or better guitar players than me and yet [TS]

01:18:22   I know I know what I'm doing and playing [TS]

01:18:25   guitar is it is individual enough that i [TS]

01:18:28   feel like if i do if i do a good job but [TS]

01:18:33   if i do a good job of playing guitar [TS]

01:18:35   like me it's unassailable you know what [TS]

01:18:41   I mean like some of the best guitars [TS]

01:18:43   I've ever known have come up to me after [TS]

01:18:47   shows with with just an unmitigated look [TS]

01:18:53   of pleasure on their face and gone that [TS]

01:18:55   was an amazing show and so I had the [TS]

01:18:58   experience of like that guy is [TS]

01:19:00   complimenting me on my guitar playing [TS]

01:19:02   and he is by all metrics a better guitar [TS]

01:19:05   player than I am [TS]

01:19:06   but what he's saying is that i [TS]

01:19:08   communicated my guitar to the room in a [TS]

01:19:12   way that he not only admirers but like [TS]

01:19:15   is impressed by and wants to be able to [TS]

01:19:19   do himself you know he's a better guitar [TS]

01:19:21   player than me but he's complimenting me [TS]

01:19:23   on this on this on my guitar and the and [TS]

01:19:28   that the man is a character that's [TS]

01:19:30   probably the wrong word but the style [TS]

01:19:32   with which you presented that [TS]

01:19:33   performance [TS]

01:19:34   yeah and you know it did it did hang [TS]

01:19:37   together and that's the thing that that [TS]

01:19:39   I'm that's the thing that I I and you [TS]

01:19:42   know and I i can't i can't say anything [TS]

01:19:44   other than that that's the thing that I [TS]

01:19:45   practiced and practice gives you that [TS]

01:19:49   confidence i guess there is something [TS]

01:19:52   magic about the guitar sound like [TS]

01:19:55   writing lyrics that does not make the [TS]

01:19:59   self critical voice come away by a long [TS]

01:20:03   shot I'm guessing [TS]

01:20:04   well they might be able to disappear [TS]

01:20:05   because you're sort of famous or [TS]

01:20:07   infamous for writing what turned out to [TS]

01:20:09   be awesome lyrics at the last [TS]

01:20:10   conceivable moment right yeah and there [TS]

01:20:13   are lyrical there are lyrical turns out [TS]

01:20:17   that I've put down that that are immune [TS]

01:20:20   to my like nah school of self-criticism [TS]

01:20:26   they can just stand in the open and the [TS]

01:20:31   na school flyover and go three and they [TS]

01:20:34   don't have to run you know they don't [TS]

01:20:37   have to cower in a hole and there are [TS]

01:20:40   there are more of those even then i [TS]

01:20:42   would probably publicly admit like those [TS]

01:20:44   are some of the things I'm proudest of [TS]

01:20:46   that I just say yeah that stands and and [TS]

01:20:52   I don't know where it came from a lot of [TS]

01:20:53   time I can't claim it really but but it [TS]

01:20:57   came from me and and and I admire tired [TS]

01:21:03   Meyer it even as something I've done but [TS]

01:21:07   that doesn't get me writing lyrics [TS]

01:21:09   tomorrow [TS]

01:21:09   whoo yeah it's a it is a it's almost [TS]

01:21:15   like you save even more occasions then [TS]

01:21:18   you would even want to count you somehow [TS]

01:21:20   at the last minute even full of fear [TS]

01:21:23   managed to save a child from building [TS]

01:21:25   but like it doesn't make you look [TS]

01:21:27   forward to having to do it tomorrow i'm [TS]

01:21:29   right kind of like it's a it's a you [TS]

01:21:32   know it doesn't make you look forward to [TS]

01:21:35   doing it tomorrow and also there's that [TS]

01:21:37   there's that there's that thing about [TS]

01:21:39   art where you cannot quite claim it over [TS]

01:21:44   because it cut it came from this [TS]

01:21:47   admixture of luck and Alan influence [TS]

01:21:52   their experience timing which ate for [TS]

01:21:55   breakfast [TS]

01:21:56   it's you know if it does if it isn't [TS]

01:21:58   actually an unintentionally about deadly [TS]

01:22:00   or pretenders song I if it actually is [TS]

01:22:02   kind of its own thing it's it's really [TS]

01:22:04   difficult to not sound like a total [TS]

01:22:06   asshole to say anything but i'm not sure [TS]

01:22:08   how that came up but it did well yeah [TS]

01:22:10   and I mean and in contrast to the to the [TS]

01:22:13   conservative response to obama during [TS]

01:22:16   the last election where they were all [TS]

01:22:18   touting like I made that I made that [TS]

01:22:21   info because not because because it was [TS]

01:22:26   so obnoxious [TS]

01:22:27   it was so obnoxious and so childlike [TS]

01:22:28   like like even if I mean the critique of [TS]

01:22:32   that argument just like did you not [TS]

01:22:34   drive on public roads did you not [TS]

01:22:36   drinking people are people born on third [TS]

01:22:38   base you think they invented baseball [TS]

01:22:40   yeah but that but that but but just what [TS]

01:22:42   it takes [TS]

01:22:43   what what kind of person stands and says [TS]

01:22:47   I made that strong [TS]

01:22:51   I mean it's tough it's a three-year-olds [TS]

01:22:54   idea of like ownership and pride like [TS]

01:23:00   that isn't any kind of pride that I [TS]

01:23:02   recognize [TS]

01:23:03   I made that the best thing I ever been [TS]

01:23:06   is trying to write his name on your [TS]

01:23:07   birdhouse up but I mean seriously the [TS]

01:23:10   best the thing I'm proudest of the first [TS]

01:23:13   thing I would say about it is like well [TS]

01:23:14   I couldn't have done it if if x y&z had [TS]

01:23:17   lined up you know and and uh and so that [TS]

01:23:24   if you think too much [TS]

01:23:26   I guess it's only natural that you start [TS]

01:23:29   to think like well I didn't really ever [TS]

01:23:30   make anything [TS]

01:23:32   and I mean I guess that's why that is [TS]

01:23:34   back home and wait to turn it around [TS]

01:23:37   god dammit and that's what the [TS]

01:23:39   Conservatives are so upset and get a [TS]

01:23:40   white ribbon for that Winchester the [TS]

01:23:44   Conservatives are are are angry because [TS]

01:23:46   they think that we are trying to steal [TS]

01:23:48   from them and their family still their [TS]

01:23:52   family and their pride the family pride [TS]

01:23:55   from the pride that sounds like the [TS]

01:24:00   grocery store and the black haha along [TS]

01:24:04   down the family pride then and the [TS]

01:24:07   biggest we're not trying to steal their [TS]

01:24:08   family pride it's just that we don't [TS]

01:24:10   have any family pride ourselves and [TS]

01:24:13   we're trying to smear everybody with it [TS]

01:24:14   with our gayness are very gay penis is [TS]

01:24:17   rubbed all over there simply perfect it [TS]

01:24:20   gay black penis polyamorous penis [TS]

01:24:24   somebody accused me of being polyamorous [TS]

01:24:27   know that is low i said don't you talk [TS]

01:24:30   like that to me and they were like well [TS]

01:24:32   polyamorous means loves a lot of things [TS]

01:24:35   below that seems pretty broad and I was [TS]

01:24:39   like that does seem pretty broad [TS]

01:24:40   polyamorous has become a way of saying i [TS]

01:24:44   am a furry butt but I love Brody [TS]