Roderick on the Line

00:00:00 ◼   ► hello hi John

00:00:09 ◼   ► hi Merlin how's it going so good

00:00:12 ◼   ► yeah so good so good are you at home

00:00:16 ◼   ► base

00:00:17 ◼   ► no well what you mean by home base what

00:00:20 ◼   ► do you mean by home base

00:00:21 ◼   ► well two ways to think about a home base

00:00:24 ◼   ► well I don't like that I'd like to talk

00:00:26 ◼   ► about being out of the house and I'm out

00:00:27 ◼   ► of the house so I can understand if you

00:00:29 ◼   ► want to make something up two kinds of

00:00:30 ◼   ► people in this world managed to do that

00:00:33 ◼   ► no in fact i am back in my office how

00:00:38 ◼   ► you got the internet i got the internet

00:00:40 ◼   ► in the office that's such a good you

00:00:41 ◼   ► know if you're going to do work on the

00:00:43 ◼   ► internet it's nice to have the internet

00:00:45 ◼   ► it really is on the person that came and

00:00:47 ◼   ► finally fixed my problem for me said

00:00:49 ◼   ► that my cfi t authenticators had been

00:00:53 ◼   ► mislabeled as a RFQ I defibrillators how

00:00:59 ◼   ► you know that's one of the things like

00:01:01 ◼   ► corrupted fun it's the last place you

00:01:03 ◼   ► look

00:01:03 ◼   ► that's right that's right response John

00:01:06 ◼   ► he checked my fonts he reversed image

00:01:09 ◼   ► search a lot of the the key key cues we

00:01:12 ◼   ► probably had to reverse the polarity at

00:01:14 ◼   ► least a couple of time are you getting

00:01:16 ◼   ► any kind of depletion in your deuterium

00:01:18 ◼   ► my deuterium was let me slay me just say

00:01:22 ◼   ► it was for many rage it was there was a

00:01:26 ◼   ► team of SAS commandos down the

00:01:30 ◼   ► parachuted in to destroy my deuterium

00:01:35 ◼   ► factory and they almost succeeded huh

00:01:40 ◼   ► but then the then the bombs didn't work

00:01:43 ◼   ► the the back door was had an extra

00:01:45 ◼   ► padlock on it right now look at me very

00:01:49 ◼   ► carefully your back door

00:01:50 ◼   ► I tell a lot of people make intrusions

00:01:51 ◼   ► also check your six if you know saying i

00:01:55 ◼   ► do exactly i was about internet here for

00:01:58 ◼   ► months and I asked them to refund my

00:02:03 ◼   ► money

00:02:04 ◼   ► Oh

00:02:05 ◼   ► like to meet the demand satisfaction was

00:02:08 ◼   ► the arkyd polarity problem something

00:02:10 ◼   ► that they recognize their issue

00:02:12 ◼   ► yes interesting so who's the crazy one

00:02:15 ◼   ► now that's right who's the crazy one now

00:02:17 ◼   ► that's right it was some kind of thing

00:02:19 ◼   ► where they were they were sky think they

00:02:22 ◼   ► were probably cleaning house let's say

00:02:25 ◼   ► and they renamed things they went down

00:02:30 ◼   ► in things that things that had no name

00:02:32 ◼   ► the girl who had no name em the man

00:02:38 ◼   ► without a face

00:02:39 ◼   ► ok the eyes without a face our family

00:02:43 ◼   ► friend it but all kinda horny I want

00:02:47 ◼   ► talk into the wine

00:02:48 ◼   ► nobody said somebody higher up said we

00:02:53 ◼   ► need to clean up all this this you know

00:02:56 ◼   ► this too if they hit a jumper ol who

00:02:59 ◼   ► didn't roll em and they went in and I

00:03:03 ◼   ► don't know they didn't they didn't

00:03:04 ◼   ► recognize what it was they named it

00:03:06 ◼   ► something that it wasn't and then they

00:03:08 ◼   ► couldn't find it and this is this is not

00:03:11 ◼   ► understand what you're saying this is

00:03:14 ◼   ► this is a kind of error that that people

00:03:17 ◼   ► make that I have made a lot where you

00:03:19 ◼   ► think oh you know I just need to reset

00:03:21 ◼   ► everything right you have to do this one

00:03:23 ◼   ► thing and you don't realize you have

00:03:24 ◼   ► really thought it through

00:03:26 ◼   ► you know an example might be okay like i

00:03:28 ◼   ► like i need to really redo the whole

00:03:30 ◼   ► area near a TV because it's turned into

00:03:32 ◼   ► a rat King just unplugging everything

00:03:34 ◼   ► and then go like I don't know what goes

00:03:36 ◼   ► with what now where to go where

00:03:38 ◼   ► how was there one water left over Oh

00:03:40 ◼   ► horrible feeling i saw an example

00:03:42 ◼   ► somebody somebody post example i guess

00:03:46 ◼   ► that the people who do trivial pursuit

00:03:48 ◼   ► decided that they needed to clarify that

00:03:51 ◼   ► km means kilometer and so they did this

00:03:56 ◼   ► is this is the greatest cutting to mix

00:03:57 ◼   ► keep John circus up and then they

00:03:59 ◼   ► apparently they appear to have gone in

00:04:01 ◼   ► and done a universal search and replace

00:04:03 ◼   ► for the string km and so now Hugh

00:04:08 ◼   ► Jackman his in Trivial Pursuit as huge a

00:04:12 ◼   ► kilometer la we

00:04:15 ◼   ► I love that's kind of a visual junkie to

00:04:19 ◼   ► type it's really appreciate it yeah out

00:04:21 ◼   ► here in the Washington km it we all

00:04:23 ◼   ► recognize it as a as the kenworth brand

00:04:26 ◼   ► really anyone kmfdm is turning against

00:04:29 ◼   ► war

00:04:30 ◼   ► kmfdm i think was the art of noise oh

00:04:34 ◼   ► dude don't don't know is that who did

00:04:37 ◼   ► the dog song that beyond dreams that

00:04:39 ◼   ► trio that they get da triage triage

00:04:42 ◼   ► gonna get your father Mulcahy past i did

00:04:46 ◼   ► thats that made me sad i did it did and

00:04:49 ◼   ► it did I did I did 2016 just keeps taken

00:04:53 ◼   ► from us John yea even still it's still

00:04:55 ◼   ► feel man feeling better so yeah I'm not

00:04:58 ◼   ► really concerned about him really just

00:05:00 ◼   ► for a long time there in the mid-2000s

00:05:03 ◼   ► mean it's not that I won't talk about

00:05:04 ◼   ► Charles Manson I just don't care whether

00:05:06 ◼   ► he lives or dies

00:05:07 ◼   ► ok is it the distinction I for a long

00:05:10 ◼   ► time in the mid-2000s i don't know if

00:05:12 ◼   ► you remember but radar o'reilly remember

00:05:15 ◼   ► the little hat radio radar o'reilly war

00:05:18 ◼   ► you're the one who taught me that that

00:05:20 ◼   ► is not a free-standing hat right that's

00:05:24 ◼   ► that has an accessory to a helmet it's

00:05:27 ◼   ► yeah helmet liner I didn't know that for

00:05:30 ◼   ► cold weather but you put that in like

00:05:32 ◼   ► you did attend helmet liner right tank

00:05:34 ◼   ► helmet right and radar radar had it and

00:05:36 ◼   ► then I don't I maybe this wasn't true

00:05:39 ◼   ► where you lived because you live down in

00:05:40 ◼   ► different climbs but in the in the in

00:05:43 ◼   ► Alaska that was a hat that you wore if

00:05:47 ◼   ► basically if your dad worked in a tank

00:05:50 ◼   ► you know like that wasn't a hat that was

00:05:53 ◼   ► a half that communicated a certain kind

00:05:55 ◼   ► of like well communicate exactly the

00:05:57 ◼   ► thing that radar radar O'Reilly was no

00:06:00 ◼   ► no no one else on the cast of mash ever

00:06:03 ◼   ► wore that particular hat the radar what

00:06:06 ◼   ► I what I would like to sit describes the

00:06:08 ◼   ► radar o'reilly hat and so you would see

00:06:11 ◼   ► them in Alaska on people but it always

00:06:15 ◼   ► was sort of always said the same thing

00:06:17 ◼   ► you know like I work in a tank

00:06:18 ◼   ► interesting if you were to wear that and

00:06:21 ◼   ► not be attacked is that counts Stolen

00:06:23 ◼   ► Valor a little bit if you don't I mean

00:06:25 ◼   ► not the radar

00:06:26 ◼   ► wear it because radar Peter lead he

00:06:29 ◼   ► served and also probably like some tank

00:06:31 ◼   ► guy threw it to him and said like like

00:06:33 ◼   ► Mean Joe Greene throwing him is his

00:06:35 ◼   ► jersey

00:06:36 ◼   ► it's probably a two part 91 series where

00:06:40 ◼   ► he cries a lot about how I got that hat

00:06:42 ◼   ► well I bet you're right something that

00:06:43 ◼   ► big lights and I'm written by alan all

00:06:46 ◼   ► the draft by Allah so it to thousands

00:06:51 ◼   ► when all of a sudden that became the

00:06:53 ◼   ► fashionable hat i've talked about this

00:06:55 ◼   ► before it made me very upset i did not

00:06:58 ◼   ► like that had on people didn't like to

00:07:00 ◼   ► get on indie rockers and there was a

00:07:02 ◼   ► particular kind of indie rocker that

00:07:05 ◼   ► wore it that was like decidedly not

00:07:08 ◼   ► someone who had worked in a tank huh

00:07:11 ◼   ► but someone who was maybe still wearing

00:07:15 ◼   ► like not still but like was wearing

00:07:17 ◼   ► bell-bottoms but not hippy bell-bottom

00:07:19 ◼   ► seeing it i don't know why i can't tell

00:07:22 ◼   ► you why but I see it as in everything

00:07:24 ◼   ► but the girl guy had ok you know running

00:07:27 ◼   ► but the girl guy i dunno this isn't real

00:07:29 ◼   ► second skinny remember do you have some

00:07:32 ◼   ► weird disease i think he would wear a

00:07:33 ◼   ► hat like that i could be misremembering

00:07:35 ◼   ► yeah I am I'm going to say it was well

00:07:39 ◼   ► the most egregious example of it the one

00:07:42 ◼   ► that really upset me was I was a

00:07:43 ◼   ► bonnaroo one year and Ben Folds who was

00:07:48 ◼   ► wearing it and I was like Ben Folds come

00:07:52 ◼   ► on what you reppin with that this is not

00:07:56 ◼   ► your hat my friend why are you wearing

00:07:58 ◼   ► my because there are a lot of it mean

00:08:00 ◼   ► it's not like it's not a skate rat hat

00:08:03 ◼   ► it's more of like I got these beads in

00:08:07 ◼   ► Guatemala had except within the

00:08:10 ◼   ► indie-rock context anyway I thought that

00:08:12 ◼   ► plague was gone I thought that it had

00:08:14 ◼   ► been eradicated but the last two days

00:08:17 ◼   ► and well ever since I found out more

00:08:19 ◼   ► than two days ever since I found out

00:08:21 ◼   ► father Mulcahy died huh

00:08:23 ◼   ► I've been seeing those hats everywhere

00:08:24 ◼   ► and I don't think they're in tribute

00:08:27 ◼   ► I think it's some kind of I think it's

00:08:30 ◼   ► something weird you think it's real

00:08:31 ◼   ► though you think it's not availability

00:08:33 ◼   ► or sticky think it's really there you're

00:08:34 ◼   ► seeing more radar o'reilly hats but well

00:08:36 ◼   ► I don't I can't tell whether it's when

00:08:38 ◼   ► you buy a Volkswagen do you suddenly

00:08:40 ◼   ► volkswagen Hong Kong or is it there

00:08:43 ◼   ► really are suddenly more of these back

00:08:46 ◼   ► are you know are Millennials like

00:08:48 ◼   ► discovering them again even though

00:08:50 ◼   ► they're only 10 years old right or

00:08:52 ◼   ► mashes and mashes fairly fairly hard to

00:08:54 ◼   ► stream i think yeah to the amount and

00:08:56 ◼   ► they probably don't know it exists and

00:08:58 ◼   ► they definitely not put the asterisks in

00:08:59 ◼   ► the name no know who matt at ya and

00:09:04 ◼   ► confuse database do I that's another

00:09:07 ◼   ► thing when I when I was naming my band

00:09:09 ◼   ► after after about two years of the

00:09:12 ◼   ► internet my mom came to me sometimes I

00:09:13 ◼   ► want that one point she said if you ever

00:09:17 ◼   ► have another band and decided to name it

00:09:20 ◼   ► something consult with me first and I

00:09:22 ◼   ► said what are you talking about i want

00:09:25 ◼   ► you to have a band named that's

00:09:26 ◼   ► googleable because she apparently spent

00:09:31 ◼   ► a lot of time looking at like Laura

00:09:34 ◼   ► Ingalls Wilder posts all right but it's

00:09:38 ◼   ► a I do remember that tell the tale of

00:09:40 ◼   ► the welders estate approaching you to

00:09:44 ◼   ► get your as Colonel Potter to get your

00:09:46 ◼   ► official okie dokie on using that name

00:09:49 ◼   ► what is gonna match the sub-region

00:09:53 ◼   ► switch which Colonel do you prefer

00:09:55 ◼   ► Colonel Potter Colonel Blake that's a

00:09:58 ◼   ► really good question you don't finish

00:09:59 ◼   ► your anecdote what do I was in the

00:10:01 ◼   ► middle of American I i think that was

00:10:05 ◼   ► some of McLean Stevenson is best work

00:10:07 ◼   ► and what's gonna surprise you

00:10:08 ◼   ► I think McLean Stevenson was on

00:10:10 ◼   ► therefore i think a total of two seasons

00:10:13 ◼   ► maybe they're crazy it feels like it was

00:10:16 ◼   ► about it so it's sort of like with Frank

00:10:18 ◼   ► Burns one trapper trapper

00:10:20 ◼   ► I mean trip was there a little bit

00:10:21 ◼   ► longer well trapper and Henry left i

00:10:24 ◼   ► think at the same time season to season

00:10:27 ◼   ► two so the story i remember reading and

00:10:30 ◼   ► I magazine i remember the specific

00:10:32 ◼   ► phrase was that when Rogers was sick of

00:10:34 ◼   ► quote-unquote being second banana ought

00:10:36 ◼   ► to Alan all he wants to be the first

00:10:38 ◼   ► banana

00:10:39 ◼   ► why would that was like a banana

00:10:41 ◼   ► everything right and can imagine how

00:10:43 ◼   ► bumpy was like even imagine when they

00:10:45 ◼   ► did the Trapper John MD medical drama

00:10:48 ◼   ► anything was gonna call wayne no sorry

00:10:52 ◼   ► Pernell Roberts

00:10:53 ◼   ► but not interested Wayne which banana

00:10:55 ◼   ► was he then the last Nana haha but you

00:11:01 ◼   ► know I gotta say there's something

00:11:03 ◼   ► special about the first couple seasons

00:11:05 ◼   ► of mash because it's more in markets way

00:11:08 ◼   ► less preachy I mean you know it got

00:11:10 ◼   ► toward the end it got really bad and

00:11:12 ◼   ► everything is we don't need it we don't

00:11:13 ◼   ► need to cover the end

00:11:14 ◼   ► well I mean do people know this John did

00:11:16 ◼   ► they did they know that like after about

00:11:18 ◼   ► 1979 the entire Korean police action was

00:11:22 ◼   ► I think two years in length

00:11:23 ◼   ► yeah and that show was on TV for I think

00:11:26 ◼   ► about 10 years we have 10 years

00:11:28 ◼   ► yeah yeah but it was always a metaphor

00:11:30 ◼   ► for Vietnam yeah like a romantic lay it

00:11:33 ◼   ► was looking international romana clay

00:11:34 ◼   ► but I i really like Colonel Potter and I

00:11:38 ◼   ► loved his real mo i love everybody's

00:11:39 ◼   ► relationship with radar but Colonel

00:11:41 ◼   ► Potter was was sweet but you know like

00:11:43 ◼   ► you need these things you gotta rock

00:11:44 ◼   ► sand off everybody's edges like the

00:11:46 ◼   ► whole point of Hot Lips in the movie in

00:11:48 ◼   ► early seasons was that she was

00:11:50 ◼   ► insufferable but you can't make me leave

00:11:51 ◼   ► somebody insufferable for 10 seasons you

00:11:53 ◼   ► gotta come little lovable right you know

00:11:55 ◼   ► you gotta bring and then you bring in a

00:11:56 ◼   ► Donald Penobscot you gotta have a

00:11:58 ◼   ► Penobscot forget to pay the electric

00:12:02 ◼   ► bill

00:12:02 ◼   ► ok but i remember the name of colleges

00:12:04 ◼   ► feel will you will you put I gotta have

00:12:07 ◼   ► a Penobscot up on the big board what

00:12:12 ◼   ► he's coming down here he's gonna see the

00:12:14 ◼   ► big board haha hey that's good

00:12:17 ◼   ► thank you gentlemen there's no fighting

00:12:19 ◼   ► in the war room let me let me just say I

00:12:23 ◼   ► think that a my sense of mash and its

00:12:27 ◼   ► legacy is that the last season's colored

00:12:32 ◼   ► it completely for so many people tell ya

00:12:35 ◼   ► that it became you know I hear people

00:12:37 ◼   ► talk about it like people talk about the

00:12:39 ◼   ► Eagles like there was nothing redeemable

00:12:41 ◼   ► about math and I'm like listen man I

00:12:43 ◼   ► watched all 10 seasons of that show it

00:12:46 ◼   ► only became awful i mean it trended

00:12:51 ◼   ► awful for a while but well I mean it's

00:12:54 ◼   ► the problem is like after so you get

00:12:57 ◼   ► into like after burns left and they

00:12:59 ◼   ► bring in Winchester which is a little

00:13:01 ◼   ► bit of a record scratch because part of

00:13:04 ◼   ► what made Larry Linda's camera

00:13:05 ◼   ► the names right burn so interesting was

00:13:09 ◼   ► that he was actually not a good surgeon

00:13:11 ◼   ► it was interesting my friend my friend

00:13:13 ◼   ► john patton I used to debate this all

00:13:15 ◼   ► the time like is Winchester a good

00:13:17 ◼   ► character because you know he's very

00:13:19 ◼   ► dignified they can take the piss out of

00:13:21 ◼   ► him up but he was a very good surgeon

00:13:23 ◼   ► good for me i'm gonna say up until 76 77

00:13:26 ◼   ► 78 you know I think they were running

00:13:30 ◼   ► out of brand new ideas so they had to

00:13:32 ◼   ► like keep bringing back

00:13:33 ◼   ► Hawkeye writes a letter to his dad they

00:13:36 ◼   ► had to bring in the like oh let's act

00:13:37 ◼   ► like everybody's being interviewed for

00:13:39 ◼   ► for a documentary or like orphan korean

00:13:42 ◼   ► boy who ends up being a just a

00:13:46 ◼   ► irrepressible scamp gets adopted by the

00:13:49 ◼   ► petitioner run the still

00:13:51 ◼   ► that's right what does not help saying

00:13:52 ◼   ► what's his name it's a check

00:13:55 ◼   ► you know I'm not gonna work thing pong

00:13:56 ◼   ► yeah i was something there was something

00:13:57 ◼   ► low that we would consider let's be

00:14:00 ◼   ► honest you know what we should not let

00:14:02 ◼   ► us consider let's consider the last few

00:14:04 ◼   ► seasons for the purposes of our program

00:14:07 ◼   ► it's non-canonical we'll just we'll just

00:14:09 ◼   ► gonna leave it out from agreed and I you

00:14:11 ◼   ► know and I liked Charles Winchester the

00:14:13 ◼   ► third HR but but you're absolutely right

00:14:16 ◼   ► and i think probably making him a good

00:14:18 ◼   ► surgeon it eliminated for them the very

00:14:22 ◼   ► difficult ongoing difficult problem of

00:14:27 ◼   ► the idea that that there was someone on

00:14:31 ◼   ► the cast that was patching up American

00:14:33 ◼   ► servicemen badly right interesting right

00:14:36 ◼   ► that's a hard thing over time to it's

00:14:40 ◼   ► one it's one thing to have an arch

00:14:42 ◼   ► remark about kind of second-hand remark

00:14:45 ◼   ► about Vietnam it's another thing to say

00:14:46 ◼   ► that our boys are getting good service

00:14:48 ◼   ► yeah right and and as as Alan although

00:14:51 ◼   ► as the as this as the writing got more

00:14:54 ◼   ► histrionic it's hard to take as a as

00:15:00 ◼   ► like slapstick the fact that Frank Burns

00:15:03 ◼   ► is doing a poor job right he's got the

00:15:06 ◼   ► dunning-kruger problem what did you get

00:15:07 ◼   ► Colonel Flagg well you know i love

00:15:11 ◼   ► current flag i look forward to his him

00:15:13 ◼   ► and and and allan arbus Moses character

00:15:16 ◼   ► dr. Sigmund

00:15:18 ◼   ► Sheamus is famous in movies a sigma chi

00:15:21 ◼   ► minh cmas whenever whenever whenever

00:15:23 ◼   ► special episode

00:15:25 ◼   ► those were very special episode getting

00:15:28 ◼   ► to the chicken I'm gonna split for ya

00:15:31 ◼   ► gotta come flag is absolutely right out

00:15:35 ◼   ► of dr strangelove alright so I mean

00:15:38 ◼   ► that's a broad character that's meant to

00:15:40 ◼   ► in the pre cata days like priests age

00:15:43 ◼   ► like what we were learning about the CIA

00:15:45 ◼   ► at the time

00:15:46 ◼   ► yeah yeah he's there to protect us

00:15:48 ◼   ► against having our precious bodily

00:15:50 ◼   ► fluids apt you didn't break his own arm

00:15:52 ◼   ► at one point I do you know who he is

00:15:54 ◼   ► g gordon Liddy oh he's Liddy your money

00:15:57 ◼   ► you know what you getting for the lady

00:15:59 ◼   ► yes yes and that actor was so good he

00:16:02 ◼   ► was so committed i was i was explaining

00:16:05 ◼   ► Watergate the other day

00:16:07 ◼   ► o God who is the lucky recipient

00:16:10 ◼   ► daughter

00:16:12 ◼   ► no no she she's been asking to very

00:16:14 ◼   ► interesting questions lately but she has

00:16:16 ◼   ► not yet gotten to the daddy can use

00:16:19 ◼   ► plain Watergate to me and boy Richard my

00:16:22 ◼   ► continued thoughts haha yeah one day she

00:16:28 ◼   ► will say what you will explain the

00:16:32 ◼   ► Pentagon Papers can i really keep

00:16:34 ◼   ► hearing about this saturday night

00:16:35 ◼   ► Massacre who was at work

00:16:37 ◼   ► um no it was a it was my millennial

00:16:42 ◼   ► girlfriend she wanted to know more about

00:16:44 ◼   ► Watergate and so I gave you know I get

00:16:48 ◼   ► yourself a sandwich get very tight 20

00:16:52 ◼   ► minutes and and and I realized like

00:16:57 ◼   ► Watergate the the like formative moment

00:17:01 ◼   ► for for our entire generation and the

00:17:04 ◼   ► generation that preceded us the thing

00:17:06 ◼   ► that that the crime that gave its name

00:17:09 ◼   ► to a thousand crimes now just seems like

00:17:13 ◼   ► just in the lab its solar it's just in

00:17:16 ◼   ► the last six months now seems like

00:17:18 ◼   ► comically innocent who and and so yeah

00:17:24 ◼   ► it was pretty enjoyable to go over there

00:17:26 ◼   ► it was

00:17:27 ◼   ► and respected so dumb because they were

00:17:29 ◼   ► totally going to win the election

00:17:31 ◼   ► oh no it's dumber than that Merlin they

00:17:33 ◼   ► had won the election Nixon was already

00:17:35 ◼   ► reelected but like so this is seven d3

00:17:41 ◼   ► right anyway I haven't haven't boned up

00:17:44 ◼   ► on Watergate in awhile but left while

00:17:46 ◼   ► you want my hot 20 minutes is a no-no

00:17:53 ◼   ► it's a matter of like here's the thing

00:17:55 ◼   ► you don't hire a shark to be here's the

00:17:57 ◼   ► thing this is the darkness my dr. Phil

00:17:58 ◼   ► ism you don't hire a shark to be your

00:18:01 ◼   ► babysitter because that's not what a

00:18:02 ◼   ► shark is good at and can take the kids

00:18:04 ◼   ► to the park right you did the thing is

00:18:07 ◼   ► this organization that they had put

00:18:09 ◼   ► together was so fucking weird and

00:18:11 ◼   ► paranoid and so hungry for bizarre

00:18:14 ◼   ► behavior that something like this had to

00:18:16 ◼   ► happen and then once it had to happen

00:18:18 ◼   ► then they had to cover it up and then

00:18:19 ◼   ► they had to have all this other should

00:18:21 ◼   ► come out about all the even weirder

00:18:22 ◼   ► stuff that have been going on it's just

00:18:23 ◼   ► that this particular shark had to kill

00:18:25 ◼   ► there's nothing dude I'm saying

00:18:27 ◼   ► sharks have to kill Merlin they do

00:18:29 ◼   ► otherwise they can't swim backwards like

00:18:32 ◼   ► this had something something this dumb

00:18:34 ◼   ► had to happen not because of Nixon but

00:18:37 ◼   ► because of the sick synergy of the

00:18:41 ◼   ► people that he needed around him and

00:18:44 ◼   ► knowing that that malignant combination

00:18:47 ◼   ► of all those terrible broken

00:18:49 ◼   ► personalities me especially like this

00:18:51 ◼   ► Six energy like six sigma it's a synergy

00:18:56 ◼   ► was one of my favorite baseball managers

00:18:58 ◼   ► go cubbies that was not a ring for me

00:19:05 ◼   ► that was a ring for the room

00:19:07 ◼   ► oh that was that was a ring for the

00:19:08 ◼   ► table it's like a pepperoni ok bring

00:19:10 ◼   ► belt I listen

00:19:13 ◼   ► yeah I don't want to talk about time

00:19:15 ◼   ► travel

00:19:16 ◼   ► ok I feel like that do you followed

00:19:19 ◼   ► about you you're not on Twitter anymore

00:19:21 ◼   ► are you

00:19:22 ◼   ► now you know a jason it's gotten so hard

00:19:26 ◼   ► there it's pretty rough there is a

00:19:28 ◼   ► carrier there's a person who inhabits

00:19:30 ◼   ► the character of Richard Nixon on

00:19:32 ◼   ► Twitter and just does it very

00:19:35 ◼   ► successfully so much so that I feel like

00:19:38 ◼   ► I know Nixon and Agnew

00:19:40 ◼   ► a-and I really look forward to his posts

00:19:43 ◼   ► he comments on contemporary affairs with

00:19:46 ◼   ► someone this was kind of like steve jobs

00:19:47 ◼   ► were like you know it's like a fucking

00:19:50 ◼   ► amateur hour look at these guys are

00:19:51 ◼   ► doing right now that's a lot of what

00:19:53 ◼   ► that Nixon persona does is that isn't

00:19:55 ◼   ► exact off just like goals yeah are you

00:19:57 ◼   ► yeah are you serious right now are you

00:19:59 ◼   ► kidding me right now and then most of it

00:20:00 ◼   ► is this is your idea of corruption act

00:20:02 ◼   ► but but it makes me it makes me miss

00:20:06 ◼   ► simpler times

00:20:07 ◼   ► yeah me too get your ford there and then

00:20:12 ◼   ► this guy over here

00:20:13 ◼   ► yeah the soup a very scarring experience

00:20:16 ◼   ► there occasionally I told you wrote a

00:20:19 ◼   ► letter to Gerald Ford told you that

00:20:20 ◼   ► story right yeah okay yeah I think we're

00:20:23 ◼   ► pretty much out of stories at this point

00:20:24 ◼   ► talk about mash who you and me

00:20:26 ◼   ► ya know there's so many good stories to

00:20:29 ◼   ► tell you talk about parenting people

00:20:32 ◼   ► love that I don't even you know there's

00:20:34 ◼   ► so many things I don't know about you

00:20:35 ◼   ► Marlon town good what I what was your

00:20:38 ◼   ► favorite year of high school beyond 490

00:20:42 ◼   ► every year of high school was my

00:20:44 ◼   ► freshman year of college boy that's a

00:20:47 ◼   ► Merlin answer i think the most

00:20:49 ◼   ► interesting and significant one the one

00:20:51 ◼   ► that i romanticize the most is 10th

00:20:53 ◼   ► grade because that was a really

00:20:56 ◼   ► important year were had a lot of firsts

00:20:58 ◼   ► and was a year that in my memory was

00:21:01 ◼   ► filled with so much with so much sadness

00:21:03 ◼   ► and but also so much contradictory stuff

00:21:07 ◼   ► a lot of the a lot of the like the

00:21:09 ◼   ► forces that led up to 10th grade

00:21:11 ◼   ► there's 10th grade is what happened

00:21:13 ◼   ► after 10th grade and 10th grade was it

00:21:15 ◼   ► well as you said crucible that's that's

00:21:17 ◼   ► where a lot of the story got cooked out

00:21:19 ◼   ► but it was super fucking interesting the

00:21:20 ◼   ► stuff that I was incredibly into in

00:21:23 ◼   ► tenth grade whir whir whir disparate and

00:21:26 ◼   ► contradictory in a way that is kind of

00:21:30 ◼   ► amazing to me now so that when you join

00:21:33 ◼   ► the Society of credit Creative

00:21:34 ◼   ► Anachronism know it's a year into

00:21:37 ◼   ► playing D&D but uh now but it was it was

00:21:40 ◼   ► it's funny because my kids nine and

00:21:42 ◼   ► she's growing up real fast and there's

00:21:46 ◼   ► just there's a million things that I

00:21:47 ◼   ► talked about a talk with other like my

00:21:49 ◼   ► friend John Syracuse has daughter about

00:21:50 ◼   ► the same age and has a son about the

00:21:52 ◼   ► same age

00:21:52 ◼   ► and it's really weird we think and this

00:21:54 ◼   ► is not about parenting but it is really

00:21:56 ◼   ► weird how each kid has a handful of

00:22:01 ◼   ► things where they might as well be 60

00:22:03 ◼   ► and a handful of things where they might

00:22:05 ◼   ► as well to you and I i suspect that

00:22:08 ◼   ► changes just by degree over time and so

00:22:12 ◼   ► the tenth grade for me was a big year

00:22:13 ◼   ► for that were like there are so many

00:22:15 ◼   ► ways in which i was closer to being in

00:22:17 ◼   ► sixth grade when I was to being an

00:22:19 ◼   ► eleventh-grade you don't mean I was

00:22:21 ◼   ► still I really was still very much a kid

00:22:23 ◼   ► and still trying to struggling to just

00:22:26 ◼   ► figure shit out so well for me i'm going

00:22:28 ◼   ► to 10th grade because it was really into

00:22:30 ◼   ► the WHO and Ozzy i still like I was kind

00:22:33 ◼   ► of getting over rush i'm still matter

00:22:34 ◼   ► rush about subdivisions but i like the

00:22:36 ◼   ► weird mix of music and culture and I was

00:22:39 ◼   ► still very pliable so that was that was

00:22:42 ◼   ► you know that was the last interesting

00:22:45 ◼   ► year of me being fucked up that's not

00:22:46 ◼   ► true but anyway i'm going to how about

00:22:49 ◼   ► you what's your favorite high school 11

00:22:51 ◼   ► 11th grade 10th grade was maybe my well

00:22:55 ◼   ► let's see it's hard to pick a worst year

00:22:57 ◼   ► of high school but but tenth was I mean

00:23:00 ◼   ► exactly as you're saying what was your

00:23:03 ◼   ► birthday

00:23:04 ◼   ► I should like embers I should know this

00:23:06 ◼   ► so when you so you were always I want

00:23:11 ◼   ► this i was always that was always old

00:23:13 ◼   ► yeah right so I was always young and so

00:23:16 ◼   ► it probably were probably talking about

00:23:19 ◼   ► the same year of life right i mean you

00:23:21 ◼   ► were right you we would have been the

00:23:23 ◼   ► same age when I was intense than you

00:23:26 ◼   ► were when you were intent on your lawn

00:23:28 ◼   ► in 1981 so i was born in anyone know

00:23:31 ◼   ► youre points74 tough enough for I can

00:23:34 ◼   ► bestow your 168 what am I saying

00:23:36 ◼   ► 74 what are you confused i have a lot of

00:23:38 ◼   ► friends named John uh-huh

00:23:41 ◼   ► I in tenth grade I was like really on

00:23:48 ◼   ► formed and just flailing and it was in

00:23:57 ◼   ► tenth grade that I said it was the

00:23:58 ◼   ► summer after 10th grade that I that I

00:24:00 ◼   ► made my little list on my desk blotter

00:24:03 ◼   ► right i was like this cannot go on you

00:24:07 ◼   ► need to this is we decided to come big

00:24:09 ◼   ► man on campus

00:24:10 ◼   ► yeah you need to step up and so 11th

00:24:12 ◼   ► grade was 11th grade was the one that

00:24:15 ◼   ► was the one full of firsts for me you

00:24:18 ◼   ► know first kiss first moment where

00:24:21 ◼   ► someone or some peer recognized me as

00:24:25 ◼   ► cool in some way you know like a job or

00:24:29 ◼   ► what you know some that was some

00:24:30 ◼   ► acknowledgement some senior said that

00:24:35 ◼   ► was pretty funny Roderick and then you

00:24:37 ◼   ► know spit in my milk or whatever but

00:24:39 ◼   ► still like I've gotten a I was starting

00:24:42 ◼   ► to starting to come into my own and I

00:24:44 ◼   ► could look at myself in the mirror like

00:24:47 ◼   ► it wasn't i wasn't a complete like human

00:24:50 ◼   ► crater so-so 11th grade was it and then

00:24:55 ◼   ► bye-bye 12th grade I had already had

00:24:58 ◼   ► already squandered everything that I had

00:25:00 ◼   ► earned an 11th and 12th grade I just

00:25:03 ◼   ► want I just became an enemy of the

00:25:04 ◼   ► people but the afro for a brief shining

00:25:09 ◼   ► moment there in 11th grade I had it all

00:25:14 ◼   ► I had it all by all you mean you had

00:25:18 ◼   ► more than nothing

00:25:20 ◼   ► well there was a little boy I was on a

00:25:22 ◼   ► trajectory in 11th grade where where I

00:25:26 ◼   ► started off the year with that there was

00:25:29 ◼   ► still a lot of like a residual halo of

00:25:33 ◼   ► loser around me and like there was my

00:25:37 ◼   ► freshman year there was only one picture

00:25:39 ◼   ► of me in the in the yearbook and it was

00:25:42 ◼   ► a picture of me like in a black

00:25:44 ◼   ► sweatshirt covered with dandruff and a

00:25:47 ◼   ► panel like a very very greasy bowl

00:25:50 ◼   ► haircut edge of suffer and Roderick

00:25:53 ◼   ► occasionally for lunch like yeah the

00:25:56 ◼   ► caption didn't even include my name home

00:25:58 ◼   ► now it just said come on it can't be

00:26:01 ◼   ► that bad

00:26:02 ◼   ► that's the only picture Lee in the

00:26:05 ◼   ► freshman in my yearbook restaurants and

00:26:07 ◼   ► I was flipping through the book and it's

00:26:09 ◼   ► like somehow my normal picture didn't

00:26:10 ◼   ► make it in there I wasn't in any clubs

00:26:13 ◼   ► it was just this like it's just this

00:26:15 ◼   ► picture like

00:26:16 ◼   ► the chick it should have said definition

00:26:19 ◼   ► freshman

00:26:20 ◼   ► oh and then 10th grade like I was in a

00:26:24 ◼   ► lot of i was i was involved and stuff i

00:26:27 ◼   ► was getting into it but I was like you

00:26:29 ◼   ► like you're saying still six years old

00:26:31 ◼   ► and I was the kid that like if if if two

00:26:35 ◼   ► juniors were sitting on the couch at

00:26:37 ◼   ► lunch

00:26:38 ◼   ► kissing each other I would walk by and

00:26:40 ◼   ► go mm you know just didn't understand

00:26:44 ◼   ► how to play it cool right

00:26:46 ◼   ► but by so junior year when i first

00:26:49 ◼   ► started there was a little bit of like

00:26:51 ◼   ► there was quite a bit of uncool still

00:26:54 ◼   ► stuck to me but i had i but I really

00:26:57 ◼   ► cleaned up my act and all of a sudden I

00:27:01 ◼   ► was what was i got elected to the

00:27:03 ◼   ► Student Congress wow I was arts and

00:27:08 ◼   ► culture editor of the school newspaper

00:27:10 ◼   ► this all happened in the end of the

00:27:12 ◼   ► beginning of junior year I must've been

00:27:16 ◼   ► stuff you would not have even imagined

00:27:17 ◼   ► here well but I wrote big man on campus

00:27:19 ◼   ► on that desk blotter being on campus

00:27:21 ◼   ► bmoc p.m. on that does blood and I was

00:27:24 ◼   ► circled it and I was like I don't even

00:27:26 ◼   ► know what that means but my dad says

00:27:28 ◼   ► this all the time

00:27:29 ◼   ► uh-huh and I'm gonna figure out what it

00:27:30 ◼   ► means and it's gonna be me I had a

00:27:33 ◼   ► girlfriend that didn't happen until

00:27:35 ◼   ► after new years but even I was like I

00:27:39 ◼   ► was talking to girls and they were

00:27:43 ◼   ► absolutely telling me to go away but

00:27:46 ◼   ► they were told me to go away with a

00:27:49 ◼   ► giggle you know instead of with like a

00:27:51 ◼   ► look of horror and what else oh and so I

00:27:56 ◼   ► was writing for the school newspaper so

00:27:57 ◼   ► people would come up to me and say like

00:27:59 ◼   ► I really liked your article which

00:28:00 ◼   ► shocked and amazed me and soullow you

00:28:05 ◼   ► know I had a car all of a sudden Josh

00:28:08 ◼   ► you know like it seemed and I was a

00:28:10 ◼   ► member i was a member of my little gang

00:28:13 ◼   ► there was a gang formed and I was a man

00:28:16 ◼   ► i was a bona fide member of it not not a

00:28:19 ◼   ► tag-along that's a tremendous amount of

00:28:22 ◼   ► progress

00:28:23 ◼   ► well it goes incredible I was like look

00:28:25 ◼   ► at me I mean I my hair wasn't greasy

00:28:27 ◼   ► anymore

00:28:28 ◼   ► I was a i cobbled together a wardrobe of

00:28:33 ◼   ► crewneck sweaters and have you done your

00:28:36 ◼   ► whiteout jacket yet

00:28:38 ◼   ► oh that see that was the the jacket was

00:28:42 ◼   ► senior year where where I lost the plot

00:28:45 ◼   ► OIC oh so this year was a little bit of

00:28:47 ◼   ► an outlier

00:28:48 ◼   ► yeah because up because it in freshman

00:28:51 ◼   ► and sophomore year I was the guy with

00:28:53 ◼   ► the two alligators humping on his jean

00:28:55 ◼   ► jacket and in senior year I had a

00:28:58 ◼   ► floor-length duster trench coat with a

00:29:01 ◼   ► whiteout skull and crossbones on the

00:29:02 ◼   ► back it was just junior year when I was

00:29:06 ◼   ► not I wasn't like fucking up at all i

00:29:10 ◼   ► just had all I had on a crewneck sweater

00:29:13 ◼   ► and a button-down shirt and top-siders

00:29:16 ◼   ► and i was writing for the school

00:29:18 ◼   ► newspaper and I had a girlfriend like

00:29:20 ◼   ► you see the political it's this like

00:29:23 ◼   ► yeah it seems like it seemed like from

00:29:25 ◼   ► there anything could happen i could go

00:29:28 ◼   ► to college this is so great that uses

00:29:29 ◼   ► that phrase I fucking hate which is a

00:29:31 ◼   ► someone I've really arrived I've always

00:29:34 ◼   ► really dislike that for not always but

00:29:36 ◼   ► I've come to really dislike that i'm

00:29:38 ◼   ► always thinking like yeah you've arrived

00:29:39 ◼   ► but how do you know how long it will be

00:29:41 ◼   ► in until you're asked to leave

00:29:43 ◼   ► yeah that's right could you stop

00:29:44 ◼   ► arriving now could you go arrive

00:29:46 ◼   ► somewhere else

00:29:47 ◼   ► goal yeah arrive arrive elsewhere

00:29:49 ◼   ► arrived at the exit

00:29:51 ◼   ► yeah bye-bye senior year I was my hair

00:29:56 ◼   ► was greasy again your Cinderella it was

00:30:00 ◼   ► yeah that's right my by a carriage turn

00:30:03 ◼   ► back into a pumpkin but by senior

00:30:07 ◼   ► because it because in some sophomore

00:30:09 ◼   ► year I was still I don't know somewhat

00:30:12 ◼   ► pubescent right i mean i was not I

00:30:15 ◼   ► wasn't pretty to look at and then senior

00:30:19 ◼   ► year I was not present anymore i was

00:30:23 ◼   ► just like a gross 17 years the grotesque

00:30:27 ◼   ► curry

00:30:28 ◼   ► I mean I was I was it was it was awful i

00:30:30 ◼   ► was i mean i'm walking to think about it

00:30:32 ◼   ► i'm a member of the trench coat mafia

00:30:34 ◼   ► yeah i was the family remember the

00:30:37 ◼   ► church that's right there was nobody

00:30:39 ◼   ► else in it

00:30:40 ◼   ► so i don't know i look back at junior

00:30:44 ◼   ► year

00:30:45 ◼   ► the thing is there were a couple of

00:30:46 ◼   ► those right my the the first year after

00:30:49 ◼   ► I quit drinking

00:30:50 ◼   ► the first time I quit drinking I got

00:30:54 ◼   ► myself into the University of Washington

00:30:56 ◼   ► I grunge was happening all around us

00:31:00 ◼   ► here in Seattle and I went straight and

00:31:05 ◼   ► i cut my hair and I shaved off my

00:31:07 ◼   ► scraggly beard and i put on my crew neck

00:31:13 ◼   ► sweaters again and went to the

00:31:16 ◼   ► University of Washington and I was so

00:31:17 ◼   ► proud of myself because that was my

00:31:19 ◼   ► dad's college and I'd gotten in

00:31:22 ◼   ► I've gotten into the big school and I

00:31:26 ◼   ► want and I am having having already been

00:31:30 ◼   ► grunge for several years and now really

00:31:34 ◼   ► cleaned up my act of her walking around

00:31:36 ◼   ► the campus and seeing all the like

00:31:38 ◼   ► students who were wearing grunge close

00:31:44 ◼   ► and like practicing grunge as a

00:31:48 ◼   ► lifestyle choice i was very contemptuous

00:31:51 ◼   ► of them because i looked like i was i

00:31:54 ◼   ► was really coming across very ll being

00:31:57 ◼   ► but but I you know I've been in the shit

00:32:02 ◼   ► yeah sure

00:32:04 ◼   ► and there was this real pulling me like

00:32:09 ◼   ► at that point it was a pole like which

00:32:11 ◼   ► way is my life going to go am I gonna go

00:32:14 ◼   ► straight am I gonna be am I going to be

00:32:17 ◼   ► successful am I gonna go to my uncle and

00:32:19 ◼   ► asking for a job am I gonna be a u.s.

00:32:22 ◼   ► senator am I going to be up you know

00:32:24 ◼   ► grown-up person and I held i held the

00:32:31 ◼   ► till you know like a ship was going into

00:32:34 ◼   ► rough waters and I was i I was catching

00:32:39 ◼   ► the wind and I just couldn't hold it

00:32:42 ◼   ► I couldn't hold the there wasn't

00:32:45 ◼   ► anything in it that I could find that

00:32:48 ◼   ► worked for me you know i come how much

00:32:50 ◼   ► of it do you think the the successful

00:32:53 ◼   ► kind of stuff this wonderful word latin

00:32:56 ◼   ► phrase I don't even know how to

00:32:57 ◼   ► pronounce and anas anas miraculous

00:33:00 ◼   ► healing right your miracle year now

00:33:03 ◼   ► you've had a wonderful the miracle yet

00:33:04 ◼   ► miracle year for your particular anise

00:33:08 ◼   ► like do you how much of that do you

00:33:10 ◼   ► think was not taking away how much of it

00:33:14 ◼   ► do you think was dumb luck

00:33:15 ◼   ► how much much of it do you think was

00:33:16 ◼   ► like you successfully formulated the

00:33:19 ◼   ► right potion for potions to have this

00:33:22 ◼   ► this school year academic year mostly go

00:33:25 ◼   ► well how much you think you got lucky

00:33:27 ◼   ► I mean because it seems like that plays

00:33:29 ◼   ► into it you have you might have just

00:33:31 ◼   ► gotten Delta flush and didn't know do

00:33:33 ◼   ► you mean junior year or so junior

00:33:35 ◼   ► particular is junior here's the thing

00:33:36 ◼   ► here's the one of the fuckin problems in

00:33:38 ◼   ► this country in this world if I may say

00:33:40 ◼   ► is that we instruct young people to see

00:33:44 ◼   ► life as a series of arrivals that mostly

00:33:46 ◼   ► get better and better at least in the

00:33:47 ◼   ► prion the area before the millenniums

00:33:49 ◼   ► like I think that's really think okay

00:33:51 ◼   ► eventually you're gonna be old enough to

00:33:53 ◼   ► walk to school

00:33:54 ◼   ► bring a little bit older you get to go

00:33:56 ◼   ► to an r-rated movie you know you can

00:33:58 ◼   ► drive you can eat good collagen you know

00:34:00 ◼   ► it's a series of arrivals and you know i

00:34:03 ◼   ► don't think people or are naturally as

00:34:05 ◼   ► prepared for the idea that those

00:34:07 ◼   ► arrivals are not a guarantee of any kind

00:34:10 ◼   ► of success it's it's an indication of

00:34:11 ◼   ► not abject failure but like you can

00:34:13 ◼   ► expect some serious downs alongside the

00:34:16 ◼   ► occasional up for sure and I think what

00:34:21 ◼   ► I think my junior year is much more a

00:34:24 ◼   ► result of

00:34:27 ◼   ► what

00:34:30 ◼   ► from the time that I first started going

00:34:32 ◼   ► to see Jim Lindeman my family counselor

00:34:35 ◼   ► and I've told you that story where we

00:34:39 ◼   ► went as a family soon as i remember his

00:34:44 ◼   ► idea was your mother

00:34:46 ◼   ► uh my mom and my dad were trying to

00:34:48 ◼   ► figure out yeah like how how we're going

00:34:51 ◼   ► to solve our family dynamic and the four

00:34:54 ◼   ► of us my mom my sister my dad and I all

00:34:56 ◼   ► went to this family counselor and after

00:34:59 ◼   ► a couple of months of going my sister

00:35:03 ◼   ► who was pretty young to be this aware

00:35:07 ◼   ► choose maybe maybe 11 somebody spoke to

00:35:15 ◼   ► her in the room finally and she said

00:35:19 ◼   ► I've been sitting in this family

00:35:23 ◼   ► counseling for two or three months and

00:35:26 ◼   ► no one has ever asked me a question or

00:35:28 ◼   ► said a word to me so obviously whatever

00:35:32 ◼   ► the problem is in this family it isn't

00:35:34 ◼   ► mine and I don't want to go anymore to

00:35:36 ◼   ► this and everybody i think was

00:35:38 ◼   ► embarrassed by this because that was the

00:35:42 ◼   ► the else in the room with you

00:35:44 ◼   ► oh for sure and and and so and the idea

00:35:48 ◼   ► being that that our family dynamic was

00:35:54 ◼   ► was a problem nobody believed that that

00:36:00 ◼   ► included them

00:36:03 ◼   ► right like yeah and so then it was my

00:36:06 ◼   ► mom and my dad and me going to family

00:36:09 ◼   ► counseling for a while

00:36:13 ◼   ► your dad was game for that oh yeah he

00:36:16 ◼   ► was a my dad was really into psychology

00:36:18 ◼   ► and he my dad and my mom had in the

00:36:25 ◼   ► nineteen fifties I mean my dad had been

00:36:27 ◼   ► seeing a a psychiatrist like a union

00:36:30 ◼   ► psychiatrist in this in the fifties my

00:36:34 ◼   ► mom and my dad signed up for LSD trials

00:36:36 ◼   ► what in 59 my god and didn't do them for

00:36:45 ◼   ► some reason but you know they were very

00:36:47 ◼   ► curious about that stuff like a very

00:36:49 ◼   ► exploratory anyway so we're sitting in

00:36:53 ◼   ► family counseling everybody's yelling at

00:36:55 ◼   ► each other about what a problem i am and

00:36:58 ◼   ► a certain point my mom's stood up and

00:37:01 ◼   ► said obviously david and john have a lot

00:37:05 ◼   ► to work out and I don't it's not a very

00:37:09 ◼   ► good use of my time to be in here

00:37:11 ◼   ► listening to those two bicker and argue

00:37:15 ◼   ► about what is obviously they're broken

00:37:19 ◼   ► probably in a broken relationship so I'm

00:37:22 ◼   ► not going to come to this anymore until

00:37:24 ◼   ► some progress has been made and then

00:37:26 ◼   ► there were two and then there were two

00:37:27 ◼   ► me and my dad my dad and I continue to

00:37:30 ◼   ► go CJ lindemann for another couple of

00:37:35 ◼   ► months and then my dad said hey I can't

00:37:41 ◼   ► make it no way i've got a big meeting in

00:37:46 ◼   ► washington DC i'll see you next week and

00:37:49 ◼   ► then never came again it was essentially

00:37:52 ◼   ► just check it and no because I kept

00:37:56 ◼   ► going ok so jam the family counselor and

00:38:00 ◼   ► I continue to see each other for three

00:38:03 ◼   ► years did the chanting of the mantle of

00:38:05 ◼   ► yelling at you know general yelled at me

00:38:07 ◼   ► up but Jan also was a family counselor

00:38:12 ◼   ► or something like Jen never read

00:38:14 ◼   ► realized there was never an

00:38:16 ◼   ► acknowledgement that I was a teenage boy

00:38:17 ◼   ► and I think it's some special help

00:38:19 ◼   ► like like when I would say anything

00:38:23 ◼   ► about a girl like I you know I love this

00:38:26 ◼   ► girl or I have these I'm sort of having

00:38:29 ◼   ► this problem with this girl can we

00:38:31 ◼   ► change the subject

00:38:32 ◼   ► she did not want to give me relationship

00:38:33 ◼   ► advice oh that wasn't that wasn't

00:38:35 ◼   ► covered by chance expertise i guess not

00:38:38 ◼   ► or something I mean I'm still confused

00:38:39 ◼   ► about it but when i was 13 14 years old

00:38:42 ◼   ► that's all

00:38:43 ◼   ► 15 that's all i wanted to talk about are

00:38:44 ◼   ► you kidding me but but it always

00:38:46 ◼   ► deflected we didn't that wasn't a thing

00:38:50 ◼   ► we're going to we're gonna see ask but

00:38:55 ◼   ► all of that that whole process really

00:38:58 ◼   ► confirmed in me the understanding that a

00:39:02 ◼   ► everyone in my family thought I was the

00:39:04 ◼   ► problem be Jan didn't disagree that has

00:39:08 ◼   ► the problems and uh and i had i was

00:39:12 ◼   ► already convinced that was the problem

00:39:13 ◼   ► personally so going into 11th grade i

00:39:20 ◼   ► have this huge like shockwave right

00:39:23 ◼   ► behind me of not just like a feeling but

00:39:29 ◼   ► also i've been given the language to

00:39:32 ◼   ► describe and had the had like the power

00:39:36 ◼   ► of conviction of a whole group of people

00:39:37 ◼   ► an army marching behind me that all

00:39:40 ◼   ► agreed that I self-sabotage that i got

00:39:46 ◼   ► in the way of my own self

00:39:48 ◼   ► I intentionally took steps to impede my

00:39:54 ◼   ► success

00:39:55 ◼   ► this was a this was a widely held belief

00:40:00 ◼   ► in my clan that all I needed to do this

00:40:04 ◼   ► is the other and even as I say them I i

00:40:06 ◼   ► can put myself back in those Marv and

00:40:11 ◼   ► taupe colored rooms with ferns all

00:40:14 ◼   ► around us and hear this idea promulgated

00:40:19 ◼   ► that all I needed to do was just do

00:40:24 ◼   ► the thing that needed to be done I

00:40:27 ◼   ► didn't need to do the other things that

00:40:29 ◼   ► I did which was examined the logic of

00:40:32 ◼   ► the thing that was being asked of me I

00:40:34 ◼   ► didn't need to make the if somebody said

00:40:38 ◼   ► draw this in two colors I didn't need to

00:40:40 ◼   ► draw in 14 colors to show them I was

00:40:43 ◼   ► better it could be i didn't need to you

00:40:47 ◼   ► know I didn't need to argue with the

00:40:48 ◼   ► premise I didn't need to

00:40:50 ◼   ► it didn't need to write in the margins I

00:40:54 ◼   ► didn't need to tell the teacher that her

00:40:55 ◼   ► question wasn't relevant I did you all

00:40:57 ◼   ► these things I just needed to get out of

00:40:59 ◼   ► the way and just do the thing and the

00:41:02 ◼   ► thing seems so simple to everyone else

00:41:05 ◼   ► who if I could just do the simple things

00:41:07 ◼   ► why couldn't he just do the simple thing

00:41:09 ◼   ► and i couldn't i never could do the

00:41:14 ◼   ► simple thing I didn't I i was so I mean

00:41:17 ◼   ► half the time at least just so offended

00:41:19 ◼   ► by the device

00:41:21 ◼   ► yeah just so offended by how could any

00:41:24 ◼   ► of you do this but going into 11th grade

00:41:27 ◼   ► i said i looked at that BMOC written on

00:41:31 ◼   ► the on the blotter

00:41:32 ◼   ► uh-huh and I was like what do you do how

00:41:34 ◼   ► do you how do you get to BMOC you know

00:41:38 ◼   ► right now I'm LLC and what do you what's

00:41:45 ◼   ► the transition and so I got started

00:41:48 ◼   ► trying to do this thing you know get out

00:41:51 ◼   ► of the way like don't if you if you

00:41:53 ◼   ► finally managed to get a shirt with a

00:41:55 ◼   ► crocodile on it don't so another

00:41:57 ◼   ► crocodile on it now it's just you just

00:42:01 ◼   ► leave it

00:42:01 ◼   ► that's right that just seems like you're

00:42:04 ◼   ► just antagonizing people and you know

00:42:06 ◼   ► like you can have the crocodile and

00:42:08 ◼   ► disbelieve it you can have the crocodile

00:42:10 ◼   ► and imagine another crocodile on it

00:42:12 ◼   ► ok just don't know just don't go that

00:42:16 ◼   ► extra step and almost you need to be a

00:42:18 ◼   ► better editor of your behavior

00:42:20 ◼   ► yeah yeah and-and-and it was because

00:42:22 ◼   ► what did I want haha

00:42:26 ◼   ► haha imagine you no no no don't even

00:42:32 ◼   ► think Aaron t I was 10

00:42:36 ◼   ► it was really important to look look

00:42:38 ◼   ► listen I Prince Valiant punks

00:42:41 ◼   ► nope I what I wanted was to get kissed

00:42:46 ◼   ► I wanted to kiss i want to kiss i wanted

00:42:49 ◼   ► to kill somebody I want to be

00:42:51 ◼   ► did you also want to be special well I

00:42:54 ◼   ► mean I'm putting a fruity way

00:42:56 ◼   ► ok I'll only put in more punk rock way

00:42:57 ◼   ► didn't you want to not be just another

00:42:59 ◼   ► fucking drone that was not I i realized

00:43:02 ◼   ► i think at that point that was no longer

00:43:04 ◼   ► a risk I was never going to be I was

00:43:10 ◼   ► never gonna buy it hook line and sinker

00:43:11 ◼   ► I was not

00:43:12 ◼   ► I what I wasn't mentally or emotionally

00:43:14 ◼   ► vulnerable in that way that I couldn't

00:43:18 ◼   ► conform because it was not in my heart

00:43:22 ◼   ► but I could but I could like start to

00:43:27 ◼   ► recognize what we're to make my stand

00:43:31 ◼   ► right to pick my battles who fight the

00:43:33 ◼   ► real fight

00:43:34 ◼   ► don't you know don't sit and and lose

00:43:39 ◼   ► that Lake lose the bat lose the initial

00:43:42 ◼   ► battle of even getting your foot in the

00:43:44 ◼   ► door because you show up wearing a

00:43:46 ◼   ► double-knit suit that you got at the

00:43:48 ◼   ► goodwill for at all you're getting in

00:43:49 ◼   ► your own way

00:43:50 ◼   ► ya like like I have free for the first

00:43:54 ◼   ► couple years of high school I have this

00:43:55 ◼   ► I had planted my feet somewhere on the

00:43:58 ◼   ► topic of Levi's thing that we've

00:44:00 ◼   ► discussed at length I wasn't gonna wear

00:44:03 ◼   ► Levi's Levi's were trendy and i didn't

00:44:08 ◼   ► know i was i was dumb I didn't know

00:44:10 ◼   ► enough about anything but at that point

00:44:13 ◼   ► in time you know super tight Levi's that

00:44:15 ◼   ► had been ironed you know like people

00:44:17 ◼   ► ironing their Levi's like I i did not i

00:44:20 ◼   ► was going to wear Levi's I was only

00:44:21 ◼   ► gonna wear like army pants and stuff and

00:44:24 ◼   ► in 11th grade I said you know what

00:44:26 ◼   ► whatever that was

00:44:28 ◼   ► you spent two years fighting levis and

00:44:30 ◼   ► what do you have to show for it

00:44:31 ◼   ► levi's still exists all you have to show

00:44:35 ◼   ► for it is that everyone in the school is

00:44:38 ◼   ► wearing Levi's except you

00:44:40 ◼   ► and no one cares like you haven't want

00:44:43 ◼   ► anybody over to your where think way of

00:44:44 ◼   ► thinking right no you haven't cooked

00:44:46 ◼   ► collected a group of like a new army all

00:44:49 ◼   ► wearing army pants and so I was like

00:44:52 ◼   ► advice

00:44:53 ◼   ► fine you know like i did i did some of

00:44:55 ◼   ► that so in answer to your question like

00:44:57 ◼   ► what did I have a string of good luck I

00:45:00 ◼   ► might have that was right when i had my

00:45:02 ◼   ► growth spurt so all of a sudden I was

00:45:04 ◼   ► tall and that it couldn't have hurt sooo

00:45:07 ◼   ► and my sense of humor had come in the

00:45:12 ◼   ► same way that your mustache comes in

00:45:14 ◼   ► although my mustache had not come in but

00:45:16 ◼   ► my sense of humor had come in if you

00:45:20 ◼   ► know right now you know that's good way

00:45:22 ◼   ► to put it

00:45:23 ◼   ► yeah I was no longer like huh Chris yeah

00:45:27 ◼   ► there's an atom bomb in your shoe

00:45:31 ◼   ► you know I was I wasn't quoting a like

00:45:35 ◼   ► stripes or Monty Python right anymore i

00:45:39 ◼   ► was able to sit and and kind of like

00:45:41 ◼   ► toss off little little quips that were

00:45:44 ◼   ► fairly biting and that was the that

00:45:48 ◼   ► scene i recounted earlier where a senior

00:45:50 ◼   ► said it was pretty good one that was

00:45:53 ◼   ► actual event a guy named his name was

00:45:58 ◼   ► John I'm with the fuck was his name is

00:46:04 ◼   ► he was a senior to my junior and I had

00:46:05 ◼   ► always admired him he was the he kind of

00:46:09 ◼   ► had a pockmarked face I mean he wasn't

00:46:10 ◼   ► like beautiful but he was the real the

00:46:14 ◼   ► real cut-up of the greatest enemy he was

00:46:18 ◼   ► the bill murray who and oh I i really

00:46:21 ◼   ► wanted his approval and one day stand in

00:46:26 ◼   ► a group of people I you know I pulled

00:46:29 ◼   ► out my my verbal derringer and hit

00:46:33 ◼   ► somebody in the gun belt and what the

00:46:35 ◼   ► fuck was his name John somebody-or-other

00:46:38 ◼   ► welcome here

00:46:40 ◼   ► he he he kinda like took a little bit of

00:46:42 ◼   ► a little head check and was like huh i

00:46:45 ◼   ► was pretty good you know and and it was

00:46:49 ◼   ► it didn't feel like a like I'm kind of

00:46:52 ◼   ► doing it in like it

00:46:53 ◼   ► coach voice like hey nice job kid and

00:46:56 ◼   ► then a little hand mussing the hair

00:46:57 ◼   ► uh-huh

00:46:58 ◼   ► it wasn't like that it was like huh

00:47:00 ◼   ► pretty good and then immediately he was

00:47:03 ◼   ► like now I'm going to war with you

00:47:05 ◼   ► because you have just demonstrated that

00:47:08 ◼   ► you are the new threat to me and now

00:47:13 ◼   ► you're you know you want to you want to

00:47:15 ◼   ► play with the big dogs so it was it was

00:47:17 ◼   ► a it was a tense moment but a great

00:47:21 ◼   ► moment for me to have gotten his

00:47:22 ◼   ► attention and then I did then we did go

00:47:24 ◼   ► to war and eventually i prevailed

00:47:27 ◼   ► huh well interesting because my sense of

00:47:29 ◼   ► humor came in hard when it came in

00:47:33 ◼   ► it all came in at once like a big

00:47:36 ◼   ► mustache did it was just like hope and

00:47:40 ◼   ► hope is that you guys seen John but I

00:47:43 ◼   ► well yeah because I just had grown a

00:47:45 ◼   ► foot in height and you know i had gone

00:47:48 ◼   ► from being kind of put picked upon and

00:47:51 ◼   ► you know pushed around and like hey hey

00:47:56 ◼   ► John drink this type of treatment to a

00:48:00 ◼   ► like but just just really quickly like

00:48:04 ◼   ► nobody can get the better of me at least

00:48:06 ◼   ► him in the didn't like the teenage way

00:48:10 ◼   ► Wow hey John drink this oh you mean is

00:48:13 ◼   ► that your mom you know like whatever

00:48:18 ◼   ► when you're 16 years old like those that

00:48:20 ◼   ► your mom and a cup and you know and it's

00:48:22 ◼   ► just like you can say to that is that

00:48:25 ◼   ► response to something like that i do is

00:48:27 ◼   ► hang your head and go fucking bang your

00:48:29 ◼   ► head on the locker because you just got

00:48:30 ◼   ► schooled by your mom and a cup

00:48:33 ◼   ► yes it's your first visit your first day

00:48:37 ◼   ► yeah I had a friend tell me many years

00:48:39 ◼   ► later he was like you were never you've

00:48:41 ◼   ► never been as funny as you were in 11th

00:48:43 ◼   ► grade

00:48:43 ◼   ► oh god that's horrible to hear ya but

00:48:47 ◼   ► he's an idiot so yeah what he meant was

00:48:50 ◼   ► just that I was I mean because when my

00:48:52 ◼   ► sense of humor came and I was also very

00:48:54 ◼   ► i had been i had been abused and so I

00:48:58 ◼   ► was pretty vicious here Carrie yeah

00:49:01 ◼   ► right yeah didn't ask for it but you

00:49:04 ◼   ► shut up and you gotta power

00:49:06 ◼   ► yeah I gotta power all of a sudden and

00:49:07 ◼   ► now there's going to be a reordering so

00:49:10 ◼   ► i know i have never been as bad as i was

00:49:12 ◼   ► an eleventh-grade being a nice teacher

00:49:14 ◼   ► is going to save you

00:49:15 ◼   ► mmm tell you what when did your sense of

00:49:18 ◼   ► humor come in

00:49:20 ◼   ► well it's the sense of humor at ets my

00:49:24 ◼   ► own phrase now um I mean I had a way of

00:49:27 ◼   ► like blurting out lots of stuff but I

00:49:28 ◼   ► was always a terrible editor

00:49:30 ◼   ► wait a minute while I came to embrace it

00:49:33 ◼   ► later but you know i'm going to reject

00:49:37 ◼   ► this line of questioning because your

00:49:39 ◼   ► laughing not a good but now i'm laughing

00:49:42 ◼   ► in the best possible way sense of humor

00:49:46 ◼   ► can I mean you know you're gay so like

00:49:47 ◼   ► there's there's like I'm not to dissect

00:49:49 ◼   ► this too much but there's the like you

00:49:51 ◼   ► develop a personal sense of what's funny

00:49:53 ◼   ► in the world you develop the ability to

00:49:56 ◼   ► say things that make people laugh as

00:49:58 ◼   ► against the the true meaning which is

00:50:00 ◼   ► like you you see the tragedy of life and

00:50:04 ◼   ► how it plays out in ways that can be

00:50:05 ◼   ► funny right

00:50:06 ◼   ► I don't think I got the last one I mean

00:50:09 ◼   ► not still so I have it but i don't know

00:50:11 ◼   ► i got funny things I would like to

00:50:14 ◼   ► imagine in my head that I was bullied i

00:50:15 ◼   ► was very lightly bullied

00:50:18 ◼   ► I mean I was bullied the way every kid

00:50:19 ◼   ► was bullied that that's something these

00:50:21 ◼   ► kids they don't understand is that

00:50:22 ◼   ► everybody lived in fear at a certain

00:50:24 ◼   ► point it's true

00:50:25 ◼   ► um I mostly from emotional i mean the

00:50:29 ◼   ► teachers everybody like it was just

00:50:30 ◼   ► awful it was just awful to be a kid at a

00:50:32 ◼   ► certain point but on and I i suspect

00:50:34 ◼   ► like a lot of people who regard

00:50:36 ◼   ► themselves correctly or not as funny for

00:50:38 ◼   ► me that was a kind of defensive thing

00:50:40 ◼   ► and I think it the the kind of like John

00:50:44 ◼   ► Rother Kim you're describing their that

00:50:46 ◼   ► started probably in 8th or 9th grade

00:50:48 ◼   ► mhm because the thing is it's like her

00:50:50 ◼   ► more first moved to San Francisco so

00:50:52 ◼   ► spend a lot of time sitting in my friend

00:50:54 ◼   ► Michaels place and I said to park my

00:50:56 ◼   ► rental car at like McAllister and and

00:50:59 ◼   ► fillmore which is looking very very

00:51:03 ◼   ► doing donuts shooting guns sort of

00:51:05 ◼   ► intersection over by the fillmore i mean

00:51:07 ◼   ► it's it's pretty rough I mean there will

00:51:09 ◼   ► be lots of gunshots in the night and and

00:51:11 ◼   ► this is probably just ignorance but i

00:51:12 ◼   ► would always remember thinking I would

00:51:14 ◼   ► park and I would walk past lots of

00:51:16 ◼   ► people

00:51:17 ◼   ► that if I had any sense I'd probably be

00:51:18 ◼   ► scared of but I always felt like a

00:51:20 ◼   ► non-combatant I always felt like I had a

00:51:23 ◼   ► white cross on my head a little bit or

00:51:25 ◼   ► that like I was like an npc I was not

00:51:27 ◼   ► really in this particular game of the ND

00:51:29 ◼   ► an example ensure they would have

00:51:30 ◼   ► treasured but I was like I was not like

00:51:33 ◼   ► but you know if it was exactly the same

00:51:34 ◼   ► person but black i think i might have

00:51:35 ◼   ► gotten more hassle and I think in eighth

00:51:38 ◼   ► grade I was I'd like you maybe I did not

00:51:40 ◼   ► register very much with people i was

00:51:42 ◼   ► just just another dork

00:51:44 ◼   ► yeah and then 9th grade was the

00:51:46 ◼   ► beginning of kind of starting to feel

00:51:47 ◼   ► those oats a little bit more and in some

00:51:50 ◼   ► ways like when you are really just an

00:51:52 ◼   ► anonymous dork i might be getting this

00:51:54 ◼   ► wrong but I think when you're just

00:51:55 ◼   ► anonymous torque you're not really as

00:51:57 ◼   ► exposed you know you if your profile

00:52:00 ◼   ► goes up a little bit that's when you get

00:52:02 ◼   ► exposed and that's when you run into

00:52:03 ◼   ► like more concentrated trouble from

00:52:05 ◼   ► people

00:52:06 ◼   ► that's right that's exactly right but I

00:52:07 ◼   ► like I've still never been in a fight in

00:52:09 ◼   ► my entire life

00:52:10 ◼   ► I don't want to start well you know I i

00:52:12 ◼   ► I've been in a couple of fights I've

00:52:14 ◼   ► made my first but I've heard you made

00:52:17 ◼   ► you need a it's a religious very

00:52:19 ◼   ► uncomfortable a couple years ago talking

00:52:21 ◼   ► about one of these incidents

00:52:22 ◼   ► haha you know I don't like to make our

00:52:24 ◼   ► listeners uncomfortable i want to i want

00:52:26 ◼   ► them to feel bathed yeah in a in a warm

00:52:29 ◼   ► chalice by you need like your favorite

00:52:31 ◼   ► uncle you look forward to seeing every

00:52:33 ◼   ► year in anything talks by Hitler for two

00:52:34 ◼   ► hours

00:52:34 ◼   ► I'm coming their heads and and you're

00:52:37 ◼   ► just pouring like pointment on there

00:52:39 ◼   ► there

00:52:40 ◼   ► yeah now however I never thought to be

00:52:43 ◼   ► honest I I think I don't think I even

00:52:47 ◼   ► ever experienced that much physical

00:52:50 ◼   ► friction it was much more emotional and

00:52:53 ◼   ► a lot of it was visited upon myself a

00:52:55 ◼   ► lot of it was there's no fucking way

00:52:56 ◼   ► anybody is going to see my dick in this

00:52:59 ◼   ► locker room also not saying don't just

00:53:03 ◼   ► the showers no thang that was one of the

00:53:05 ◼   ► most like debilitating i'm just being

00:53:08 ◼   ► straight up here like shower down again

00:53:10 ◼   ► and here like sharjah Wow shower down

00:53:14 ◼   ► all right

00:53:15 ◼   ► yeah that's right i forgot about that

00:53:17 ◼   ► but the you know in Buddhism to call the

00:53:21 ◼   ► second arrow is the area you get shot

00:53:23 ◼   ► with and there's the area shooting

00:53:24 ◼   ► yourself and for me like a lot of the

00:53:27 ◼   ► things that I dreaded the most certainly

00:53:28 ◼   ► there were things like I

00:53:30 ◼   ► I'm about to get bullied by this guy and

00:53:32 ◼   ► I really don't want to walk by where I

00:53:33 ◼   ► know he's gonna be and that's the thing

00:53:35 ◼   ► you think about all fucking day but then

00:53:37 ◼   ► was also like I'm just dreading third

00:53:39 ◼   ► period

00:53:40 ◼   ► I just the entire thing of having to see

00:53:42 ◼   ► the naked people having to like you know

00:53:46 ◼   ► you can make people be but it was I was

00:53:48 ◼   ► it's just a weird thing that can make it

00:53:50 ◼   ► anywhere i don't care but like back then

00:53:52 ◼   ► I was just I was terrified of that and

00:53:56 ◼   ► that's kind of thing I mean let's say

00:53:57 ◼   ► what you will what that says about me

00:53:58 ◼   ► but I just think about that all the time

00:54:00 ◼   ► around

00:54:01 ◼   ► yeah well right i got i took addy in gym

00:54:05 ◼   ► rather than get in the shower

00:54:07 ◼   ► barek it's barbaric our showers were

00:54:09 ◼   ► like a big not big I mean they were like

00:54:12 ◼   ► a hexagon the size of a walk-up phone

00:54:14 ◼   ► booth and there would be just likes and

00:54:16 ◼   ► I mean things to be honest I don't think

00:54:17 ◼   ► this is this is not the apparent home of

00:54:21 ◼   ► hate that word it's so abuse it's not

00:54:25 ◼   ► that I was worried about being gay

00:54:27 ◼   ► it was I was worried about having a tiny

00:54:29 ◼   ► tiny dick and no body hair and I was

00:54:32 ◼   ► worried more I was less of the obviously

00:54:34 ◼   ► today the millenniums are gonna hit and

00:54:35 ◼   ► go oh well obviously you had the nice

00:54:37 ◼   ► and homophobia of the nineteen eighties

00:54:38 ◼   ► no it was not it was that I was really

00:54:42 ◼   ► underdeveloped even it is especially in

00:54:44 ◼   ► my own eyes I think I was probably

00:54:45 ◼   ► pretty normal but like boy was that ever

00:54:48 ◼   ► something I did not want anybody else to

00:54:50 ◼   ► see

00:54:50 ◼   ► for me it was i was fat ah you know I

00:54:54 ◼   ► was eighth grade yeah I had I have a gut

00:54:57 ◼   ► I was Joey I was I had lots of baby fat

00:55:00 ◼   ► well then that was another guys there's

00:55:02 ◼   ► other guys that look like Roger Starbuck

00:55:03 ◼   ► it's like this is not fair

00:55:05 ◼   ► this guy's already balding he's got hair

00:55:07 ◼   ► everywhere yeah yeah that's not fair and

00:55:10 ◼   ► just the I mean I when I look it's the

00:55:12 ◼   ► classic thing right you look back at

00:55:14 ◼   ► pictures of yourself and like what I

00:55:16 ◼   ► look great what was I so worried about

00:55:17 ◼   ► look fine i don't look broken by life

00:55:19 ◼   ► yet

00:55:20 ◼   ► yeah but I was you know I was very

00:55:22 ◼   ► worried that I was chubby it didn't even

00:55:25 ◼   ► occur to me i think i think it didn't

00:55:29 ◼   ► occur to me that penises had different

00:55:31 ◼   ► sizes for a long time

00:55:34 ◼   ► yeah because when someone was naked

00:55:36 ◼   ► around me i averted my eyes

00:55:38 ◼   ► so immediately that I had you know I've

00:55:40 ◼   ► been in locker rooms I've never seen a

00:55:42 ◼   ► penis you're embarrassed for every

00:55:43 ◼   ► aspect of what's happening but just

00:55:45 ◼   ► obviously some guys that are much more

00:55:46 ◼   ► into it than others

00:55:48 ◼   ► well Jon Beason with the guys who got

00:55:50 ◼   ► like the guys are used to being naked

00:55:52 ◼   ► and who have like tons of secondary hair

00:55:54 ◼   ► because they've been through puberty

00:55:56 ◼   ► they're walking around cock-of-the-walk

00:55:58 ◼   ► well i think that the computer sports

00:56:00 ◼   ► person and you're physically capable on

00:56:02 ◼   ► the sports field

00:56:04 ◼   ► yeah you carry with you a kind of body

00:56:07 ◼   ► comfortability of like a fucking easter

00:56:10 ◼   ► parade for you

00:56:11 ◼   ► this is this is the room you're in all

00:56:12 ◼   ► the time you understand how things work

00:56:14 ◼   ► in this room and your kind of the

00:56:16 ◼   ► defacto like prime minister of nakedness

00:56:19 ◼   ► yeah if you if you can throw football

00:56:20 ◼   ► the way down the field who cares whether

00:56:22 ◼   ► you have a gun or not yeah because this

00:56:24 ◼   ► is your yeah right you're right they

00:56:26 ◼   ► don't look scared whereas I I looked I I

00:56:30 ◼   ► probably smelled scared yeah I was it

00:56:32 ◼   ► scared yeah yeah well and I think again

00:56:35 ◼   ► back to that transition into 11th grade

00:56:37 ◼   ► like I had already ninth-grade tenth

00:56:41 ◼   ► grade I had made my world with the nerds

00:56:44 ◼   ► like the the kids that sat at the edge

00:56:48 ◼   ► of the lunchroom the D&D years the the

00:56:51 ◼   ► Monty Python errs like I was I'd made my

00:56:55 ◼   ► bones with them and but it was in there

00:57:00 ◼   ► in that circle that I felt I felt going

00:57:07 ◼   ► into 11th grade like is this is this me

00:57:10 ◼   ► am I going to hide out here in this am I

00:57:14 ◼   ► gonna hide out in the corner of the

00:57:15 ◼   ► lunch right are you staying overnight or

00:57:17 ◼   ► is it going to be like where you live

00:57:18 ◼   ► now right

00:57:19 ◼   ► mi is this me now am i throwing dice the

00:57:21 ◼   ► rest of my life and I remember that

00:57:22 ◼   ► feeling yeah because this isn't me like

00:57:25 ◼   ► I'm over here because I feel safe here

00:57:27 ◼   ► and accepted here but i i'm i'm not i'm

00:57:32 ◼   ► not going to double i mean i remember

00:57:33 ◼   ► sitting with a friend and he was taking

00:57:36 ◼   ► metalworking classes and he was very

00:57:39 ◼   ► very excited about being able to use the

00:57:42 ◼   ► forge

00:57:43 ◼   ► because and then he opened his notebook

00:57:47 ◼   ► and here were very very detailed

00:57:49 ◼   ► drawings of the broadsword that he was

00:57:51 ◼   ► going to forge Wow and I was both

00:57:57 ◼   ► intrigued by like whoa you're going to

00:58:01 ◼   ► forge a broadsword that's pretty badass

00:58:03 ◼   ► like tell me more

00:58:05 ◼   ► but also a recognition that up at

00:58:09 ◼   ► forging a broadsword does not bode well

00:58:11 ◼   ► it just in that a broadsword is not a

00:58:16 ◼   ► useful implement now we don't use them a

00:58:19 ◼   ► lot and 221 in that way but not as a

00:58:24 ◼   ► like I I'm gonna buy one and put it on

00:58:27 ◼   ► the wall but like I am going to forge

00:58:28 ◼   ► one in the furnace of Mordor

00:58:33 ◼   ► yeah it was i I mean believe me I lived

00:58:36 ◼   ► in that fantasy place a lot walking home

00:58:39 ◼   ► from school imagining that I was being

00:58:40 ◼   ► gifted magic power is conjuring in orbit

00:58:43 ◼   ► I was conjuring orbs right and left but

00:58:45 ◼   ► i also saw that contemporaneous with us

00:58:49 ◼   ► there were people who were preparing for

00:58:52 ◼   ► a life in the world or even I mean yes

00:58:56 ◼   ► but also just even like trying to buy

00:58:58 ◼   ► beer like there overnight stay was years

00:59:01 ◼   ► ahead of ours that whatever whatever

00:59:03 ◼   ► dumb shit they were doing with vandalism

00:59:04 ◼   ► or like you know you don't mean but

00:59:07 ◼   ► there were like these levels of like the

00:59:09 ◼   ► dumb way stations the truck scales you

00:59:11 ◼   ► have to go through to get to the next

00:59:12 ◼   ► thing and like even though you might

00:59:14 ◼   ► recognize that as like this is dumb kid

00:59:16 ◼   ► behavior you're still doing like really

00:59:17 ◼   ► younger dumb kid behavior or four-door

00:59:21 ◼   ► dorkier well yeah I mean yeah I was

00:59:23 ◼   ► playing with GI Joes in the bathtub

00:59:24 ◼   ► while people not maybe my own age but my

00:59:28 ◼   ► own grade certainly were actually like

00:59:32 ◼   ► having sex with each other not just

00:59:33 ◼   ► making out and going to second base and

00:59:35 ◼   ► lightest they hadn't they were all the

00:59:38 ◼   ► way

00:59:38 ◼   ► HM move in on and i was like wow

00:59:45 ◼   ► depends on fire about time being in the

00:59:47 ◼   ► shit i was fucking deep in the shit and

00:59:50 ◼   ► so it was it was connect conscious

00:59:53 ◼   ► decision to

00:59:55 ◼   ► go out of where I felt comfortable and

00:59:57 ◼   ► safe in a place where

00:59:57 ◼   ► safe in a place where

01:00:00 ◼   ► you know i was able to live i was able

01:00:03 ◼   ► to be comfortably in fantasy and move

01:00:06 ◼   ► into this terrible terrible world where

01:00:08 ◼   ► people were going to where people off

01:00:11 ◼   ► like a big part of of how that world

01:00:14 ◼   ► discriminates is by starting with the

01:00:17 ◼   ► premise that they don't want you like

01:00:20 ◼   ► you're somebody like me who was not like

01:00:26 ◼   ► as a hero yet

01:00:28 ◼   ► well there's there's there's better and

01:00:32 ◼   ► more interesting people than you who are

01:00:35 ◼   ► welcome

01:00:36 ◼   ► that's the right thing here isn't it

01:00:38 ◼   ► isn't a 0 or a 1 I mean there are there

01:00:40 ◼   ► a lot of people there were a lot cooler

01:00:41 ◼   ► than you that we're still not going to

01:00:43 ◼   ► make it still not going to make it and

01:00:44 ◼   ► you know you're really screwed

01:00:46 ◼   ► so how did I achieve how did how did how

01:00:49 ◼   ► did I achieve enough velocity not only

01:00:52 ◼   ► to penetrate but of course I was not

01:00:54 ◼   ► once i was headed that way I wasn't

01:00:55 ◼   ► going to be content until I was in the

01:00:57 ◼   ► center because you're gonna be the BMC

01:00:59 ◼   ► water that's right that BMOC is not like

01:01:03 ◼   ► big assistant man on campus

01:01:06 ◼   ► mm it's not big sidekick on campus I

01:01:09 ◼   ► wasn't gonna be somebody else's sidekick

01:01:11 ◼   ► you working on second banana I wasn't

01:01:13 ◼   ► gonna be second but you know what all do

01:01:15 ◼   ► you give me the first banana that's

01:01:16 ◼   ► right i'm going to write and direct this

01:01:18 ◼   ► episode booth and it's going to be about

01:01:20 ◼   ► me saving a little Korean boy named top

01:01:22 ◼   ► hat birds is trying to read in the Bible

01:01:30 ◼   ► anything is that that's kind of true now

01:01:34 ◼   ► to you know like I'm I'm adjacent to

01:01:37 ◼   ► this world of Hollywood comedy actors /

01:01:45 ◼   ► and in the same way that you for a long

01:01:49 ◼   ► time have been adjacent to Silicon

01:01:51 ◼   ► Valley and you know I look at that world

01:01:56 ◼   ► all the time down in Hollywood a lot now

01:01:58 ◼   ► and I'm sitting around in a cafe and I'm

01:02:01 ◼   ► looking around the room like

01:02:02 ◼   ► why do I hate everyone in this cafe oh

01:02:05 ◼   ► they're all working on the screenplay

01:02:07 ◼   ► like everyone in here is either meeting

01:02:10 ◼   ► with someone that they hope will option

01:02:13 ◼   ► there screenplay or you know they're all

01:02:15 ◼   ► working they're all like just striving

01:02:18 ◼   ► yeah to do a thing that they you can

01:02:21 ◼   ► almost just look around and say like Oh

01:02:23 ◼   ► clearly this isn't gonna pan out for you

01:02:25 ◼   ► but there's a version of where i am now

01:02:29 ◼   ► that feels like I'm I've been safe in my

01:02:34 ◼   ► in this place that I built for myself

01:02:36 ◼   ► but am i prepared to go down to

01:02:42 ◼   ► California and you know and cold call

01:02:45 ◼   ► joel mchale they say hey don't you know

01:02:48 ◼   ► and you just you you're embarrassed at

01:02:51 ◼   ► the prospect of it like hey Joel I'm in

01:02:54 ◼   ► town I don't really have any good ideas

01:02:55 ◼   ► but I was hoping that I could like ride

01:02:58 ◼   ► on your coattails call me back

01:03:01 ◼   ► there's so so many of those calls and

01:03:05 ◼   ► emails I don't make where the thought

01:03:06 ◼   ► goes through my head and I'm just like

01:03:08 ◼   ► wait stop this turns out great how ya

01:03:13 ◼   ► around for like you know I mean I'm

01:03:15 ◼   ► acquainted with Chris Hardwick

01:03:17 ◼   ► I'm i'm not super good friends with

01:03:19 ◼   ► crisp but like and this is from a time

01:03:22 ◼   ► when you know maybe I was more famously

01:03:25 ◼   ► with less famous but we were acquainted

01:03:28 ◼   ► yeah we talked about things and you know

01:03:29 ◼   ► and play at the idea of doing things

01:03:32 ◼   ► didn't think sometimes and like thing as

01:03:35 ◼   ► time passed and like he's got like you

01:03:38 ◼   ► know real big and real successful stuff

01:03:40 ◼   ► and like they're still sometimes like

01:03:42 ◼   ► we'll have exchanged the when people say

01:03:43 ◼   ► you should get on cav Chris you should

01:03:45 ◼   ► ever on your show and I don't hide under

01:03:47 ◼   ► a rock and I'm just like no please don't

01:03:50 ◼   ► make it so he even has to like consider

01:03:52 ◼   ► that it makes me it makes my insides so

01:03:54 ◼   ► uncomfortable when that happens just not

01:03:57 ◼   ► that's not shame it's just more like I

01:03:59 ◼   ► don't like I don't like even

01:04:01 ◼   ► inconveniencing people with ideas and no

01:04:03 ◼   ► ideas way something

01:04:05 ◼   ► Yeah right right I I that this happened

01:04:07 ◼   ► the other day i was down in LA

01:04:09 ◼   ► there was a sold-out show at the gallery

01:04:12 ◼   ► don't be happening to me Hollywood

01:04:15 ◼   ► what's up jolie jolie with that girl i

01:04:17 ◼   ► met she has seems to be doing a lot of

01:04:19 ◼   ► movies what's her name i was done LA and

01:04:23 ◼   ► and Patton Oswalt was playing at Largo

01:04:25 ◼   ► and I said oh I'd like to go to that

01:04:30 ◼   ► show and it was sold out and I said well

01:04:33 ◼   ► known as sold-out doesn't matter to me

01:04:36 ◼   ► daddy it John Rocker yeah I know I know

01:04:41 ◼   ► everybody in largo they are you know

01:04:44 ◼   ► they largo the largo accounts Dave's my

01:04:46 ◼   ► Instagram posts like I've never even

01:04:51 ◼   ► more tempting to cut something out

01:04:53 ◼   ► I'm really up here haha that the

01:04:55 ◼   ► Instagram account for largo huh yeah the

01:04:57 ◼   ► Instagram account for largo faves my

01:04:59 ◼   ► shit all the time so this shouldn't be a

01:05:01 ◼   ► problem

01:05:02 ◼   ► yeah cute maybe going on your foot

01:05:05 ◼   ► I'm just gonna take me that damn

01:05:08 ◼   ► standing at the front door like I know

01:05:09 ◼   ► the shoulder shows sold out but check it

01:05:11 ◼   ► out you guys have like to my last seven

01:05:13 ◼   ► posts all the things I know everybody

01:05:16 ◼   ► that works there right i mean and I'm I

01:05:17 ◼   ► don't live in LA but I'm there I played

01:05:20 ◼   ► a lot of shows there there's not a lot

01:05:21 ◼   ► of turnover in the people that run the

01:05:24 ◼   ► place

01:05:24 ◼   ► yeah and so and I know we're all friends

01:05:27 ◼   ► and some cheering up i'm not i'm not

01:05:30 ◼   ► like I'm not like here we go here and

01:05:33 ◼   ► i'm just sitting i'm sitting in a

01:05:35 ◼   ► picture just because you have not done

01:05:36 ◼   ► any prep work here your plan is to show

01:05:38 ◼   ► up then just kind of walton that's right

01:05:40 ◼   ► ok and not just show up and Walt it but

01:05:44 ◼   ► show up with people I'm Alton and I'm

01:05:48 ◼   ► sitting there and I'm thinking i'm doing

01:05:50 ◼   ► i'm running a merlin mann on and I'm

01:05:51 ◼   ► like what are the potential outcomes

01:05:55 ◼   ► here let's just run through this like

01:05:57 ◼   ► I'm not somebody that if I show up at a

01:06:00 ◼   ► place with a bunch of people and I get

01:06:02 ◼   ► turned away

01:06:03 ◼   ► I'm not especially embarrassed by that

01:06:04 ◼   ► because because it always is like well

01:06:07 ◼   ► give it a try right let's go across the

01:06:10 ◼   ► street and eat blintzes or whatever you

01:06:12 ◼   ► know like I'm I he can't you're not

01:06:15 ◼   ► going to like or a bucket over my hand

01:06:17 ◼   ► but as I SAT there i thought this exact

01:06:20 ◼   ► thing you're describing

01:06:22 ◼   ► why give my good friends at largo any

01:06:27 ◼   ► memory of ever having turned me down for

01:06:31 ◼   ► a thing like right now right no one

01:06:33 ◼   ► there has ever turned me down

01:06:35 ◼   ► why why risk even establishing the

01:06:41 ◼   ► notion in anyone's mind that i'm in a

01:06:44 ◼   ► category people that get turned down for

01:06:46 ◼   ► things and I know what that's somewhere

01:06:49 ◼   ► in my mind I've never really quite put

01:06:50 ◼   ► my finger on it but you're right that's

01:06:52 ◼   ► i don't i don't want this enough to live

01:06:55 ◼   ► with what the no means ya to take to put

01:07:00 ◼   ► to do on your own put a black mark next

01:07:03 ◼   ► to your name and it's not a black I mean

01:07:05 ◼   ► so what that would mean but it looks

01:07:07 ◼   ► like that's it that's account

01:07:08 ◼   ► accompanied by the noise oh yeah right

01:07:10 ◼   ► what that would mean is now I'm on a

01:07:12 ◼   ► list of somebody that gets in to some

01:07:15 ◼   ► shows some times if it's not that big of

01:07:18 ◼   ► a deal

01:07:18 ◼   ► and right now because I decided not to

01:07:21 ◼   ► go right and I told the people i was i

01:07:24 ◼   ► was planning on taking let's do

01:07:25 ◼   ► something else

01:07:27 ◼   ► yeah scan was good lenses what that

01:07:30 ◼   ► means is that i'm not a person that gets

01:07:34 ◼   ► turned down for a patton oswalt show

01:07:36 ◼   ► that's been sold out for a month right

01:07:39 ◼   ► time I can't find negative that's right

01:07:41 ◼   ► i'm not on that list I very well might

01:07:45 ◼   ► be somebody that could have gotten into

01:07:46 ◼   ► that show sure nobody's with it being

01:07:48 ◼   ► any different

01:07:49 ◼   ► yeah and that's you know that's a big

01:07:51 ◼   ► actually falls apart if you test your

01:07:53 ◼   ► dick haha that's a big way of running

01:07:56 ◼   ► your Hollywood game slow march but but

01:08:00 ◼   ► but i do feel sometimes like em I not am

01:08:05 ◼   ► I not pushing myself hard enough like

01:08:09 ◼   ► shouldn't I be

01:08:11 ◼   ► I'll just the word audition makes me

01:08:15 ◼   ► want to sit in the bathtub with a bowl

01:08:18 ◼   ► of macaroni and cheese I have some

01:08:20 ◼   ► counseling on this and I have some

01:08:22 ◼   ► thoughts on this

01:08:23 ◼   ► let me hear well first of all my another

01:08:25 ◼   ► admission along this is that and this

01:08:27 ◼   ► sounds like some kind of weird like I

01:08:29 ◼   ► don't know we're sending a little bit

01:08:30 ◼   ► robert evans at this point but um

01:08:33 ◼   ► you have done better if you follow him

01:08:35 ◼   ► on twitter but it is i'm really a lot of

01:08:36 ◼   ► fun i do follow him

01:08:38 ◼   ► boy he's here yeah great he's a hundred

01:08:42 ◼   ► and five now

01:08:43 ◼   ► yeah yeah I could sit for the paths see

01:08:47 ◼   ► ya

01:08:47 ◼   ► listen this is living in the house jack

01:08:49 ◼   ► nicholson ba living in his house the

01:08:51 ◼   ► Jackals block when I bet your ass is

01:08:53 ◼   ► what is like there's sometimes we're

01:08:58 ◼   ► like you know first of all I'm from Ohio

01:08:59 ◼   ► and I don't really talk to people and

01:09:02 ◼   ► I'm not really good at keeping up with

01:09:04 ◼   ► people and so like anytime I'm like keep

01:09:06 ◼   ► going to like catch up with somebody I

01:09:08 ◼   ► always find myself like doubting or

01:09:10 ◼   ► questioning like why I'm doing it which

01:09:12 ◼   ► is so terrible

01:09:13 ◼   ► like what I just keep up with everybody

01:09:15 ◼   ► but i think i'll guide people are busy

01:09:17 ◼   ► and they're gonna think I want something

01:09:18 ◼   ► and like there's another I'm talking

01:09:20 ◼   ► about like all my friends this is why I

01:09:22 ◼   ► don't talk to any of you

01:09:23 ◼   ► it is like I just goes to my mind it's

01:09:25 ◼   ► like I look if this goes well and what's

01:09:26 ◼   ► gonna happen like we're gonna have

01:09:28 ◼   ► planned something that all don't have

01:09:30 ◼   ► time or resources to do and like I just

01:09:34 ◼   ► go through that but you know i'll say is

01:09:38 ◼   ► this is that like if that's something

01:09:39 ◼   ► you actually want to do not to use the a

01:09:41 ◼   ► word here but if you'd like to be in

01:09:44 ◼   ► more things

01:09:45 ◼   ► the only thing I could think of that

01:09:46 ◼   ► does help is to first set your mind the

01:09:48 ◼   ► fact that you're gonna do that and then

01:09:50 ◼   ► make it easy on other people

01:09:52 ◼   ► I think it's really different from

01:09:53 ◼   ► showing up at the door and saying like

01:09:54 ◼   ► you know him a friend of pattern or

01:09:56 ◼   ► whatever you know and that's that's

01:09:58 ◼   ► needy but like if you have a thing where

01:10:00 ◼   ► you can actually sounds like stupid

01:10:02 ◼   ► networking I don't mean it that way but

01:10:04 ◼   ► if you have a way where you actually

01:10:05 ◼   ► could be useful for something for

01:10:07 ◼   ► somebody else like that's that's not bad

01:10:10 ◼   ► thing you're not asking for anything but

01:10:11 ◼   ► your luck favors the well-prepared like

01:10:13 ◼   ► if you're ready like you got to be ready

01:10:16 ◼   ► to like say talk to a producer who that

01:10:18 ◼   ► person has to convince you should be at

01:10:20 ◼   ► do I'm saying yeah well and this is that

01:10:22 ◼   ► that but now we're talking more about

01:10:23 ◼   ► commitment and you realize how much of

01:10:25 ◼   ► this you really want when you start

01:10:27 ◼   ► thinking about what's involved

01:10:29 ◼   ► yeah my problem is that I always feel

01:10:31 ◼   ► like I have I always feel that i offer

01:10:34 ◼   ► utility to every situation sure right

01:10:37 ◼   ► like like guy the MSD yeah i'm not

01:10:39 ◼   ► showing up there with a with a bouquet

01:10:41 ◼   ► of flowers and a bottle of champagne

01:10:43 ◼   ► the bouquet of flowers in the bottle of

01:10:45 ◼   ► champagne is me because the other

01:10:51 ◼   ► problem is that trying to teach my

01:10:53 ◼   ► daughter this with the cat because the

01:10:55 ◼   ► cat has a in the 11-month sleep at her

01:10:57 ◼   ► she's really warmed up to the family

01:10:59 ◼   ► she's still a hideous monster but she's

01:11:00 ◼   ► become in her way for a ten-year-old cat

01:11:03 ◼   ► she's become kind of affectionate just

01:11:06 ◼   ► in the sense that like she likes to be

01:11:07 ◼   ► petted at certain times in certain ways

01:11:10 ◼   ► how much hair does she have right now is

01:11:12 ◼   ► shaved i'll send you pictures a

01:11:14 ◼   ► monstrosity there something I'm trying

01:11:16 ◼   ► to teach my wonderful daughter which is

01:11:18 ◼   ► that with the cat with the cat it's all

01:11:23 ◼   ► about building up way more trust than

01:11:27 ◼   ► you think is reasonable or certainly way

01:11:29 ◼   ► more trusting is fun so like a lot of

01:11:32 ◼   ► times when you feel like petting the cat

01:11:33 ◼   ► don't pet the cat is rightly because

01:11:36 ◼   ► leave the cat alone and get really wants

01:11:38 ◼   ► that the cat will come to you now if the

01:11:40 ◼   ► cat does come to you I'm just gonna tell

01:11:43 ◼   ► you like mom and I know this like here's

01:11:44 ◼   ► a couple places and ways that the cat

01:11:47 ◼   ► likes to be scratched you can scratch

01:11:49 ◼   ► the back of the cat's neck right here

01:11:51 ◼   ► forever and she'll be very happy if she

01:11:53 ◼   ► likes that you can put a little bit an

01:11:55 ◼   ► urgent and it makes it really because

01:11:57 ◼   ► what you don't you don't walk up to the

01:11:59 ◼   ► cat pick up the CAC turn her around do a

01:12:02 ◼   ► dance put on your lap and then start

01:12:04 ◼   ► like scratching her like on her

01:12:06 ◼   ► underside because that doesn't build

01:12:08 ◼   ► trust that build suspicion like mom and

01:12:10 ◼   ► I got to the point where we can scratch

01:12:11 ◼   ► the cat on the neck because we figured

01:12:12 ◼   ► out that's what she likes and we don't

01:12:14 ◼   ► we don't mess it up too much and like

01:12:17 ◼   ► I'm not sure exactly what the messages

01:12:18 ◼   ► for you getting into dan harmon's TV

01:12:20 ◼   ► shows

01:12:21 ◼   ► unlike you I'm saying here is only yeah

01:12:23 ◼   ► that to me is like just keep your

01:12:26 ◼   ► personal credit good

01:12:27 ◼   ► yeah in that way like don't fuck it up

01:12:29 ◼   ► with something stupid because every time

01:12:30 ◼   ► you try to scratch the cats but because

01:12:33 ◼   ► it's cute like that makes the cat trust

01:12:35 ◼   ► you less and and the cat didn't really

01:12:37 ◼   ► get strapped scratched you can get to

01:12:38 ◼   ► scratch the cat and all that's really

01:12:39 ◼   ► changes your relationship I I feel like

01:12:42 ◼   ► about the ship has already sailed in

01:12:43 ◼   ► being in Dan Harmon's production

01:12:45 ◼   ► have you ever had to follow up with him

01:12:47 ◼   ► no no and uh you know I don't think that

01:12:50 ◼   ► he feels like it's his job to help that

01:12:53 ◼   ► are wonderful fans

01:12:54 ◼   ► had missed very few opportunities to

01:12:57 ◼   ► make this into an unnecessarily

01:12:58 ◼   ► oppositional thing with Dan Harmon yeah

01:13:00 ◼   ► they really had that has not helped

01:13:02 ◼   ► hey Dad check it out using an arm and

01:13:05 ◼   ► stolen idea for now we get what

01:13:07 ◼   ► check it out man i just bet you're still

01:13:10 ◼   ► mad Dan Harmon like no one cares stops

01:13:14 ◼   ► now that stop scratching the cats but

01:13:16 ◼   ► stop it

01:13:17 ◼   ► uh you know like how to scratch the cat

01:13:20 ◼   ► i think that should go up on the big

01:13:22 ◼   ► board

01:13:22 ◼   ► ok i'll put it up here that was great

01:13:24 ◼   ► cast your other one the one the other

01:13:27 ◼   ► one you don't think somebody'll tweet at

01:13:29 ◼   ► us

01:13:29 ◼   ► yeah I yeah I I mean all those things

01:13:33 ◼   ► right

01:13:34 ◼   ► it's a ultimately it's the big question

01:13:36 ◼   ► do I i yes I do yes I do what I'm

01:13:42 ◼   ► supposed to get past perfect not

01:13:44 ◼   ► currently the big question is do I

01:13:47 ◼   ► answer is yes I do yes I do no king but

01:13:51 ◼   ► do I i miss the context for them but I

01:13:54 ◼   ► like it

01:13:54 ◼   ► do I why why yes i do you do to my son

01:14:02 ◼   ► do you bet your ass I can be certain of

01:14:07 ◼   ► one thing today

01:14:08 ◼   ► that's what that's gonna do it I'm gonna

01:14:12 ◼   ► do yes I do if your impression of Tom

01:14:17 ◼   ► Waits doing

01:14:18 ◼   ► Oh tired so much Randy new business oh

01:14:22 ◼   ► ok with quick for my still sitting a

01:14:27 ◼   ► good unit to continue to make me blue do

01:14:31 ◼   ► i do i do that do you do it is why you

01:14:43 ◼   ► yes I do that's it that's the whole game

01:14:47 ◼   ► take it very well stop right there

01:14:50 ◼   ► that's good