Roderick on the Line

Ep. 277: "Old Sauce"


  this episode of Roderick Online was [TS]

  recorded on Monday January 22nd 2018 [TS]

  it's a good hi Marilyn [TS]

  how's it going slow slow slow though [TS]

  mm-hmm is my tempo mm yeah me too I had [TS]

  a migraine last night Oh Merlin yes yes [TS]

  I'm sorry oh you know I'd complain but [TS]

  who'd listen me I I ate the booger I [TS]

  I've discovered that I I really enjoy [TS]

  some herbal teas like a celestial [TS]

  Seasonings so I've been drinking a lot [TS]

  of that and apparently I think I [TS]

  neglected to drink anything with [TS]

  caffeine in it all day yesterday Oh [TS]

  which I didn't notice until about nine [TS]

  o'clock last night Oh [TS]

  nine o'clock headache you'll clear right [TS]

  up I'll just go to bed o-genki [TS]

  oopsy doopsy I woke up at midnight no [TS]

  yeah no but you know it'sit's sometimes [TS]

  I can talk myself out of it I'm no John [TS]

  Roderick but sometimes I can say to [TS]

  myself I am feeling this pain but the [TS]

  pain is not going to bother me I will [TS]

  just feel the pain as a thing and I'm [TS]

  not gonna let it trouble me mmm I want [TS]

  power through this mm-hmm porunn power [TS]

  through this I will be mellow about this [TS]

  and not stress about this and that will [TS]

  be okay mm-hmm and I eventually got to [TS]

  sleep it worked it kind of works I mean [TS]

  I got up and I did the usual thing of [TS]

  like you don't don't they don't stay in [TS]

  bed if you can't sleep so I got up when [TS]

  I took a shower took a hot shower and [TS]

  I'm Monet did this like oh yeah and I [TS]

  put it on that special thunderous [TS]

  setting you know where hits you hard on [TS]

  the neck yeah sometimes if you got a [TS]

  normal headache that can actually help a [TS]

  lot because I think part of it is when [TS]

  you're feeling this is super interesting [TS]

  whenever you got like a pain or a [TS]

  headache or something I think your body [TS]

  overcompensates and tightens up and then [TS]

  that just makes it worse yeah yeah but [TS]

  you don't experience pain oh I could see [TS]

  you choosing to just not allow it [TS]

  the other the other day when you and I [TS]

  saw each other recently a while back the [TS]

  day came out I'm sure yeah somewhere [TS]

  back in the day back in the day was [TS]

  where we were phony award-winning [TS]

  podcasters it was right about the time [TS]

  okay yeah I felt like I was gonna throw [TS]

  up I felt like I was gonna throw up the [TS]

  entire day and and I refused to allow it [TS]

  I refused to some submit and then at the [TS]

  end of the day I did anyway have some [TS]

  throw-ups this is to the fact that your [TS]

  wonderful daughter had thrown up all [TS]

  over you that's right it's the gift that [TS]

  keeps on giving [TS]

  60 good hours and then I woke up the [TS]

  entire floor of your hotel room so you [TS]

  know I can fight it but then an O in it [TS]

  you know it was terrible [TS]

  also it's not just like that I that I [TS]

  passionately threw up yeah but you and I [TS]

  had a similar last night not not that I [TS]

  had a headache but in the middle of the [TS]

  night two o'clock in the morning I said [TS]

  I'm hungry and of course I wasn't hmm [TS]

  you were sleeping is what you were yeah [TS]

  but I was like I'm in the state that I [TS]

  was in I I came downstairs [TS]

  I found one hamburger bun that was [TS]

  frozen I took to Nathan's Famous hot [TS]

  dogs i microwaved the the collection of [TS]

  these things I sliced the hotdogs down [TS]

  the middle so they had a flat side and [TS]

  then I cut him in half so that they were [TS]

  little [TS]

  Lynette's wiener ads I piled him on top [TS]

  of this hamburger bun covered the whole [TS]

  lot with a slice of Swiss cheese [TS]

  microwaved it again just for good [TS]

  measure milk cheese and I started eating [TS]

  my ham buy a hot dog burger and my front [TS]

  tooth broke out oh come on your special [TS]

  tooth yeah so now I'm sitting here oh [TS]

  yeah and I well you know and I thought [TS]

  maybe if I go to sleep yeah but in fact [TS]

  now I have to deal with this today Oh [TS]

  John yeah and I I'm I'm hilariously [TS]

  lisping but I know I don't really notice [TS]

  it except when you're making a joke [TS]

  about it yeah but there's a tiny little [TS]

  sip sibilance okay little fib along you [TS]

  know that's so sad you're such a warrior [TS]

  you're like the Magellan of meats like [TS]

  you're so good I'd like just getting out [TS]

  there and saying like I'm just gonna do [TS]

  some stuff with food and see what [TS]

  happens you're really you get in there a [TS]

  lot of people are saying yeah I don't [TS]

  have a proper meal here it seems to me [TS]

  that you are you should be rewarded for [TS]

  your ability to cobble together a [TS]

  delicious super snack out of whatever's [TS]

  available and I salute you for that I'm [TS]

  sorry your tooth fell short for that [TS]

  yeah well like the writing was on the [TS]

  wall it was it had been a long time [TS]

  since I'd had that tooth repaired and [TS]

  honestly my dentist now wants to affect [TS]

  a permanent solution just continuing [TS]

  continuing resolution till February and [TS]

  we'll be fine big man like you with that [TS]

  sound it's really cute yeah did you did [TS]

  you make it quickly okay first of all [TS]

  fuck Dennis but also you know they [TS]

  always got a plan he's got a plan for [TS]

  your life he's got a plan they got a [TS]

  plan they see you they see you as a [TS]

  handful of teeth of the checkbook you [TS]

  know fuck those guys but [TS]

  not including all the dentists that [TS]

  listen to this show though you know you [TS]

  can pay him in dental corner you were of [TS]

  dental Oy it's a new coin for the dental [TS]

  industry denta coin did I mention this [TS]

  to you already [TS]

  does it also rise and fall with the wind [TS]

  can I get rich on dental corn nobody's [TS]

  getting rich on coin so the tooth has [TS]

  been so you've had a surrogate tooth for [TS]

  a pretty long time right long time now [TS]

  ten years yeah so that so there's that [TS]

  time when you had your long [TS]

  rock-and-roll hair and the missing tooth [TS]

  and you just went with it not a lot with [TS]

  it the whole tooth was gone at that [TS]

  point right yep okay and then at some [TS]

  point you used to come to the big tooth [TS]

  and you went ahead and got your thing [TS]

  put back in what's the what's the I [TS]

  don't know what's the lifetime of a [TS]

  replacement tooth how often do you need [TS]

  to get it dealt with well it's a great [TS]

  question I mean like for example do you [TS]

  know when the clock is ticking do you [TS]

  get a warning sign this is getting loose [TS]

  this is getting wobbly so the way that [TS]

  my tooth is is fastened in there is nah [TS]

  not I I think when my dentist goes to [TS]

  her continuing education classes where [TS]

  she gets together with all the other [TS]

  dentists and they talk about all their [TS]

  new technologies yeah she probably does [TS]

  not pull up a slide where she says and [TS]

  in this case this guy won't make a [TS]

  decision and so I have super glued this [TS]

  tooth in between the other two [TS]

  19:40 stick he won't wear a pontiff [TS]

  which is a kind of like to thinking [TS]

  pontiff or whatever a Pontic uh-huh he [TS]

  won't wear one he refuses to mm-hmm he [TS]

  won't he refuses this all the surgeries [TS]

  and now increasingly he has refused to [TS]

  just get a like a bridge like a like an [TS]

  old like an old person would that's [TS]

  where they say if I understand that [TS]

  correctly I mean cuz my wife's been [TS]

  through some of this you know she had [TS]

  the jaw surgery that was like so [TS]

  involved and involved two things and gum [TS]

  things and she's still getting gum [TS]

  grafts and all this kind of stuff like [TS]

  they want to really get in there they [TS]

  want to make you into like a cyborg [TS]

  they would put like screws in your head [TS]

  and shit right oh yeah they wanna you [TS]

  know they want to get their saws out and [TS]

  cut my cut my whole thing apart yeah I [TS]

  mean remake me the crazy thing is that [TS]

  if you go to most doctors and say my [TS]

  knee is killing me I want to get a fake [TS]

  knee I want to get a robot knee right [TS]

  the doctors say look slow your roll we [TS]

  got other options here well and yeah and [TS]

  the consensus seems to be until your [TS]

  thing until your natural thing actually [TS]

  fails the no matter how good a job we do [TS]

  the fake thing is never gonna be as good [TS]

  and complication-free [TS]

  as even a badly working natural thing [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  so don't fuck with it it's like an old [TS]

  car I'm in some ways right where like if [TS]

  you start replacing parts willy-nilly [TS]

  you don't know what you're undoing with [TS]

  each thing that you're doing yeah I have [TS]

  a my best friend from high school has [TS]

  had back problems for a long time and [TS]

  thank goodness that I have never had [TS]

  back problems oh yeah I don't know about [TS]

  you know I feel so I feel that's one [TS]

  where I feel so fortunate my mom had [TS]

  chronic neck and back problems through [TS]

  my whole youth and she was just [TS]

  miserable the whole time of course I [TS]

  thought it was because she was old and [TS]

  had done something wrong I really was [TS]

  your body gets fucked up yeah on my pal [TS]

  his back went out I was with him when it [TS]

  happened he was 20 for the first time [TS]

  and you know and he couldn't I mean I [TS]

  had to carry him and it was traumatic [TS]

  for us both but he has been suffering [TS]

  with this back problem his whole life [TS]

  and and you know I [TS]

  I've gotten away scot-free I'm pretty [TS]

  I'm pretty big and I I worried that my [TS]

  back was gonna be was gonna you know be [TS]

  in trouble but [TS]

  I he called me earlier this year and [TS]

  said just wanted to call I hadn't talked [TS]

  to you in a while I'm going into surgery [TS]

  I'm having this major back surgery and [TS]

  it involved like going in through the [TS]

  front and the back and putting all this [TS]

  stuff in there and and you know but he [TS]

  was like I'm at the point now where by [TS]

  not getting it done I'm I'm having nerve [TS]

  damage to my feet you know I might not [TS]

  and then it's a whole spinal column [TS]

  thing yeah and even then he called me [TS]

  then a couple of weeks later and he was [TS]

  like we're holding off and it's because [TS]

  the the rate of success is like it's not [TS]

  that it's low it's just that you just [TS]

  enter into a whole other world where you [TS]

  can't go back to not having at the [TS]

  surgery but in the dental world my [TS]

  goodness they are very very enthusiastic [TS]

  about these men these major surgeries [TS]

  that involve your entire face and I've [TS]

  never had anybody say and I've talked to [TS]

  a lot of people about it it's not just [TS]

  one person never had anybody say well [TS]

  you know whatever problem you're having [TS]

  it's probably gonna be in the long run [TS]

  less of a big deal than sawing your face [TS]

  in half and grafting it together with [TS]

  titanium bolts and you know don't worry [TS]

  we've got that all fake it's a very [TS]

  personal area we're like a little kid [TS]

  and you have a loose tooth and how it [TS]

  like even when it's just loose let alone [TS]

  like close to coming out it changes the [TS]

  way you feel like the way that you bite [TS]

  the way your whole face feels yeah and [TS]

  they're very careful here about saying [TS]

  well we got a whole program we can go [TS]

  through here I learned about any [TS]

  newsletter there's a whole thing you saw [TS]

  your face in half we put in some screws [TS]

  and then your life will be you know [TS]

  different yeah I told I told you I mean [TS]

  the the shocker for me was that for [TS]

  years and years they'd been saying we're [TS]

  gonna break your lower jaw saw some [TS]

  piece of it out and move your lower jaw [TS]

  back so that it fits with your yes my [TS]

  lady had done [TS]

  right man when she was in that state you [TS]

  saw that one time I don't she was that's [TS]

  a hell of a thing [TS]

  massive thing she was really laid up is [TS]

  that right I don't know that is no my [TS]

  teeth just comes straight on - ha [TS]

  there's no over I got like a raptor yeah [TS]

  the over-under is that I am just like a [TS]

  yeah like a like a Wolf Trap and and I [TS]

  guess one of the things of course is [TS]

  that your teeth do wear whereas your you [TS]

  know like I well honestly that's the [TS]

  story of getting old everything wears [TS]

  here's my my knee creaks because it's [TS]

  just wearing out just like your car does [TS]

  not start an infinite number of times [TS]

  every if you if you're the kind of nerd [TS]

  that I am you know that when you buy a [TS]

  laptop and you turn it on and you go and [TS]

  look at the battery information your [TS]

  laptop is rated for 1000 charges but if [TS]

  you think about it in terms of like [TS]

  years you go oh I think this thing [TS]

  should be good for three four five years [TS]

  we think about in terms of after 1,000 [TS]

  charges I'm off the reservation this [TS]

  thing just may not work anymore and then [TS]

  pretty soon you get like Donald Trump [TS]

  you start stressing in your body's a [TS]

  battery and you should ride and ride in [TS]

  a car when you play golf every time you [TS]

  start your car that's one less time your [TS]

  car will start yep yep [TS]

  every time I bite into a late night hot [TS]

  dog sandwich it's you know there's not [TS]

  an infinite number of those in my future [TS]

  oh sure I mean that's the thing when [TS]

  you're young you think like you got hot [TS]

  dogs am just stretching to infinity well [TS]

  let's think how many more times am I [TS]

  gonna make that sandwich I know I know I [TS]

  know [TS]

  in my life how many how many times will [TS]

  I be in a position where I will be [TS]

  allowed to make that sandwich you ever [TS]

  calculate how many Saturdays you get [TS]

  before your kid stops liking you don't [TS]

  do it but-but-but the term of the [TS]

  terminal moment with the dentist's was [TS]

  the time I went in to talk to a [TS]

  specialist and he was this like [TS]

  he was a diminutive man with a big white [TS]

  sort of Einstein haircut who drove a [TS]

  Porsche 911 which is how you know you [TS]

  have got a good dentist and and I think [TS]

  he was probably wearing driving shoes [TS]

  and maybe even driving gloves and he [TS]

  said he said and I was like wow you know [TS]

  everybody wants to break my jaw move it [TS]

  backward and he laughed at me as though [TS]

  that was my idea right and he was like [TS]

  let me ask you a question what what do [TS]

  you think happens when you when you like [TS]

  move a jaw back does it does it improve [TS]

  your airflow or what it constrict your [TS]

  airflow and I'm like it's just a I [TS]

  didn't know there was gonna be a test [TS]

  Yeah right [TS]

  I have no dog in this race why don't you [TS]

  tell me and he was like no no we don't [TS]

  do that anymore we don't move the jaw [TS]

  back because it just makes your airway [TS]

  more constricted and I was like I don't [TS]

  like the sound of us constricted airway [TS]

  he says exactly [TS]

  he said now we cut the your top palate [TS]

  off and then it improves your that [TS]

  sounds so much if it's the top and not [TS]

  the bottom my gosh Wow how could you [TS]

  refuse like yeah Wow a piece of pizza [TS]

  too fast and my palates ruined for three [TS]

  days they were just moving forward my [TS]

  airflow of you greatly improved they [TS]

  wouldn't get mouth meat anymore oh but [TS]

  this you know like in the and I think [TS]

  this is true of all the surgeries right [TS]

  in the back surgery world there are [TS]

  people walking around or maybe not [TS]

  walking around whose backs were or were [TS]

  operated on thirty five years ago and [TS]

  they put they put like two big metal [TS]

  bars in there and screwed it together [TS]

  put gaffers tape around it and stand [TS]

  together with drywall screws and [TS]

  nowadays they go in and you know they [TS]

  they they whistle while they work and [TS]

  they put some fiber-optic cable in there [TS]

  and you've got CCTV and it's a whole [TS]

  different game but it doesn't make you [TS]

  feel like [TS]

  this is the other problem of Technology [TS]

  right where you feel like now the [TS]

  technology of right now the top forward [TS]

  technology right now is as good as a [TS]

  thing is gonna get mm-hmm but what do [TS]

  you do you get back surgery and then six [TS]

  weeks later somebody puts up a slide at [TS]

  the continuing education dinner and says [TS]

  we've figured it out never do that again [TS]

  let me introduce you to patients 35 [TS]

  fuck-all about medicine but it's always [TS]

  seemed so strange to me the way that [TS]

  drug trials work especially when it [TS]

  comes to something like like a [TS]

  life-saving drug like an AIDS drug or a [TS]

  cancer drug and the only as I understand [TS]

  it the only really scientifically valid [TS]

  way is to have a test group in a control [TS]

  group yeah so like half of the people [TS]

  getting it are getting you know a sugar [TS]

  pill yeah because that's what you got to [TS]

  do for the science but like when you go [TS]

  in you got the guy with the Porsche and [TS]

  the driving shoes it kind of feels like [TS]

  this guy is gonna be on my side this guy [TS]

  has the great state of the art [TS]

  technologies but then it just comes down [TS]

  to like I don't know Star Trek versus [TS]

  Star Wars people and like oh you know no [TS]

  this is definitely the way this is [TS]

  definitely the way you you don't want it [TS]

  you don't want to get with this off the [TS]

  bottom half guys those guys are [TS]

  hucksters off the top top train it's [TS]

  like the Dead Kennedys say you know one [TS]

  thing's fixed and the other falls apart [TS]

  Jesus Christ Wow huh jello so right now [TS]

  trust your mechanic you know what I'm [TS]

  saying trust your mechanic this episode [TS]

  of Roderick on the line is brought to [TS]

  you by Mack Weldon you can learn more [TS]

  about Mack Weldon right now by going to [TS]

  Mack Weldon calm ma si que wel tion calm [TS]

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  sleeve tee I am wearing one of them [TS]

  right this second is the green one it's [TS]

  very attractive I just love their [TS]

  undershirts they're just beautiful white [TS]

  long-tailed much like the Chris Anderson [TS]

  article Google long tail on the shirts [TS]

  that will stay tucked in there the best [TS]

  it's like wonderful aircraft engineering [TS]

  to the best maybe they're best known for [TS]

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  questions asked how about that not only [TS]

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  code are OTL are thanks to Mac Weldon [TS]

  for supporting Roderick on the line and [TS]

  all the great shows I typically as you [TS]

  know try and go through this you know [TS]

  life on this on this big bloop Big Blue [TS]

  Marble in space by relying on as few [TS]

  things as I can right I don't try and I [TS]

  try not to rely on technology I try not [TS]

  to rely on comfort you talked about this [TS]

  a great deal in the past it feels like a [TS]

  lot of it a lot of it comes down to like [TS]

  your will and wanting to make sure that [TS]

  you can get by but you said rather [TS]

  candidly that you want to limit the [TS]

  number of things that might go away [TS]

  after an apocalypse and you'd have no [TS]

  way to get it back now what not now you [TS]

  know you're hooked on jaw surgery for [TS]

  the rest of your life a buck is to trade [TS]

  for that I mean I there are I'm sure all [TS]

  kinds of benefits that attend someone [TS]

  who attaches themselves like attach [TS]

  themselves to hoses and eels like John [TS]

  Travolta in know in spaceship earth oh [TS]

  okay we're like the guy from Dillon [TS]

  Channing that movie where he's a pod boy [TS]

  we've got [TS]

  houses in him he's got the neck thing [TS]

  yeah big guy with the hoses in the neck [TS]

  face hoses the neck thing I needs a [TS]

  battery for a robot planet until they [TS]

  figure out all this is the matrix red [TS]

  pill red pill red pill mental if you [TS]

  want if you want a battery pack for a [TS]

  robot planet I'm sure you get a lot of [TS]

  good stuff I know the surgery is gonna [TS]

  be good free land put this thing in the [TS]

  back of your neck it's gonna be really [TS]

  it's a yeah right like just put your [TS]

  credit card information in just you know [TS]

  like scan your iris the free try and [TS]

  then when you drive around town every [TS]

  time you get a ticket for running or a [TS]

  yellow light it take it'll go right to [TS]

  your bank account you don't even have to [TS]

  think about it that's right we'll just [TS]

  capture all the data yeah so good for [TS]

  you isn't that convenient [TS]

  but I tried to like limit the number of [TS]

  those particularly the ones where the [TS]

  the ones that people do voluntarily [TS]

  without thinking about it like I've got [TS]

  it I've got a conditioner that works [TS]

  with my hair and it costs whatever cost [TS]

  seventy dollars but if I don't have my [TS]

  conditioner than my hair just doesn't [TS]

  let's let's tear the veil away a lot of [TS]

  people shampoo and condition way too [TS]

  much whoa oh yeah yes they do if you I [TS]

  don't want to take you off your story [TS]

  but I'm here to tell you if you get off [TS]

  that particular merry-go-round you'll [TS]

  discover that you can mostly wash your [TS]

  hair about once a week and you'll do way [TS]

  better because you know what it is it's [TS]

  like Carmex for your head you're you're [TS]

  drawing out all the things that your [TS]

  head would do naturally and now you're [TS]

  addicted you're addicted to Neutrogena [TS]

  yeah don't put Carmex on your head tap [TS]

  with carbon technology no no the thing [TS]

  is now you know now you're just a slide [TS]

  in slide show you're top of mind for him [TS]

  your healthcare is top of mind for the [TS]

  German driving dentist yeah he's just [TS]

  he's just knock him down he can see [TS]

  those fighter planes mm-hmm but so I try [TS]

  to limit that stuff but the problem is [TS]

  at a certain point [TS]

  right here I am I'm sitting I'm I'm a [TS]

  man in his forties and I have a missing [TS]

  tooth today and there is a better [TS]

  solution there is a better solution and [TS]

  that solution is to get something [TS]

  slightly more permanent yeah now I have [TS]

  I was putting my little pills in my [TS]

  little pill box today mm-hmm [TS]

  because once I started taking my pill [TS]

  for my bipolar and I discovered that it [TS]

  worked for me and it was a medication [TS]

  that I actually endorsed then then [TS]

  another doctor who had been saying to me [TS]

  for a long time you have high blood [TS]

  pressure you have hypertension is what [TS]

  they say and I was like yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  just the same as I had said about [TS]

  everything that every time surprise [TS]

  surprise another doctor who has a [TS]

  diagnosis about what's wrong with me and [TS]

  so I was like all right what's the story [TS]

  you know now I'm taking this one [TS]

  medication what's the story with this [TS]

  high blood pressure and he and the dad [TS]

  know then I switched it all over to the [TS]

  lady doctor that had yelled at me about [TS]

  bipolar and I was like you're my new [TS]

  doctor I want you to tell me I want you [TS]

  to yell me about everything because [TS]

  you're good at it she passed muster [TS]

  right she did and she said to me I don't [TS]

  think I yelled at you before I think you [TS]

  I think your story has become inflated [TS]

  Sheila's a nice oh yeah okay and I said [TS]

  you absolutely did I I marked it down in [TS]

  my book of quotations in your mind [TS]

  Palace and she was like I don't know [TS]

  that doesn't sound like me and I was [TS]

  like it sounds exactly like you listen [TS]

  to you now into her analysis of how [TS]

  things are going like if anything else [TS]

  needs to be put into your tiny pill box [TS]

  yeah you have hypertension you need to [TS]

  take this pill so I took it it was just [TS]

  a you know it's just a diary you got a [TS]

  diuretic it's just like drinking coffee [TS]

  okay and she was like yeah okay it's [TS]

  doing okay but now you need to take a [TS]

  second one because a lot of times we [TS]

  don't get it on the first pass you need [TS]

  to take two I was like okay you know [TS]

  what you're you're a doctor lady you're [TS]

  thrown pills at me that's [TS]

  you know I'm not fighting you anymore so [TS]

  now I got those two that I put into so [TS]

  then I was like well shit now I need a [TS]

  pillbox um what about ya [TS]

  and I went and I looked because I wanted [TS]

  a cool pillbox old lady pillboxes and [TS]

  having embroidery on it you install or [TS]

  something fucking steampunk you know [TS]

  what the big type on it that's like [TS]

  Monday morning Monday afternoon I'm not [TS]

  one of those I wanted something cool and [TS]

  every day in my freaking Instagram feed [TS]

  some ad pops up for something that's [TS]

  like dude well and it's a but you know [TS]

  like order a box and it's got a knife [TS]

  and a hatchet and mustache wax and like [TS]

  you know like all this crap that nobody [TS]

  needs that's like sandalwood Kipple box [TS]

  they send you stuff you don't need you [TS]

  subscribe to that you get another eel [TS]

  now you're getting a free bar well not [TS]

  free you're getting a subsidized box of [TS]

  shit every month yeah it's leather Kerry [TS]

  John asked Yulin sometimes yeah it's for [TS]

  daily care everybody carries that what [TS]

  they call it yeah well there is some [TS]

  there's there's aspects of everyday [TS]

  carry but if something's coming every [TS]

  month that means you're presumably [TS]

  changing your everyday carrier don't [TS]

  give you a bandolier one give you a [TS]

  Chewbacca belt yeah and I feel like your [TS]

  everyday carry people your you know yeah [TS]

  the ones that are real scientific about [TS]

  it they don't want a new thing every [TS]

  month they want to hone it down to like [TS]

  the fishing line that can also be used [TS]

  as a garrote you can also be used as [TS]

  like like a radio for finding freshwater [TS]

  yeah you do is you do a Gorka you get [TS]

  maybe a couple pistols a knife and a [TS]

  tourniquet yeah and a divining and a [TS]

  divining or defining a wire that you [TS]

  could also use for a curette a divining [TS]

  rod wire right you can use to escape to [TS]

  see you know if you throw it you could [TS]

  bind an adversary find an adversary [TS]

  there it is [TS]

  every day yeah you want to have one I [TS]

  have a knife which is also a hatchet but [TS]

  which is also something that you can [TS]

  hook up onto a roof and that knife rely [TS]

  on fucking Bluetooth no it doesn't it [TS]

  does not no no no no you have an [TS]

  untethered hatchet [TS]

  that's right but I'm looking at these [TS]

  things and I'm saying all right where's [TS]

  the you know like where's the bespoke [TS]

  pill box yeah that's what I want right [TS]

  now I want a pill box here's what I want [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  I want two weeks worth of little doors [TS]

  so that's fourteen of them fourteen [TS]

  little submarine torpedo tube doors [TS]

  Monday to Sunday Monday to Sunday Monday [TS]

  to Sunday that's sitting up you know [TS]

  it's not torpedo tubes it's like an ICBM [TS]

  it's like a like a missile submarine [TS]

  okay they're 14 doors on the top okay [TS]

  each one each one's got a missile in it [TS]

  okay I want it to be small enough to [TS]

  throw in a bag when not notice it I want [TS]

  it to be and so I wanted to have kind of [TS]

  round edges I don't want it like too [TS]

  square [TS]

  okay I want the doors to help me [TS]

  disabuse me here part of it is you're [TS]

  trying to avoid the stuff that you see [TS]

  near the magnifying glasses at Walgreens [TS]

  I don't want it to be like a rainbow [TS]

  colored plastic okay I want it to be [TS]

  something cool that's the individual [TS]

  right that belongs to me [TS]

  and I and so I've been out looking at [TS]

  it's like old apothecary things an old [TS]

  drugstore stuff and like you know [TS]

  searching all the weird bins for to [TS]

  repurpose a thing that has 14 doors [TS]

  because that's my favorite very creative [TS]

  way to approach it the 14 doors yes [TS]

  that's what I'm trying to that's what [TS]

  I'm trying to accomplish and I wouldn't [TS]

  mind if it was silver mm-hmm and had a [TS]

  little blast that's the top return I am [TS]

  getting when I search for a cool pill [TS]

  case or a box yep I'm seeing a nice [TS]

  looking silver one I'm seeing a lot that [TS]

  look like fruit one that's got a Cthulhu [TS]

  on it yeah I don't want that okay but I [TS]

  want to be able to see into the little [TS]

  containers because you want to know [TS]

  which ones are full and which ones are [TS]

  empty you forget what day it is that's [TS]

  right which happens to me every single [TS]

  day but I want it to be you know I want [TS]

  the when the doors are closed I want [TS]

  them to stay closed when the doors are [TS]

  open I want them to stay open mm-hmm so [TS]

  I want this and I'm searching everywhere [TS]

  and nobody's making artisanal pill cases [TS]

  because I guess the artisanal people are [TS]

  all 38 and they're not they're not [TS]

  taking 15 pills and their knees don't [TS]

  hurt anyway then so I had these I had [TS]

  three pills going on and then I was like [TS]

  well I live in Seattle in the wintertime [TS]

  I get a better throw some vitamin D in [TS]

  there since I'm taking pills anyway [TS]

  you could probably do us in b12 too well [TS]

  then I put a put a big bee bee in there [TS]

  except I try and get B in there I feel [TS]

  like I should take a bee I've heard that [TS]

  bees are good for people like me you [TS]

  know back in the day before I was taking [TS]

  all these pills I would throw out [TS]

  sometimes to buy a bottle of B and take [TS]

  it and I it it worked it made me feel [TS]

  better [TS]

  okay huh how's your mood right yeah yeah [TS]

  yeah it does and then uh and then about [TS]

  a year ago a year and a half ago [TS]

  millennium girlfriend started taking [TS]

  Elysium Elysium [TS]

  now come on that sounds like a science [TS]

  fiction thing you remember Elysium [TS]

  Elysium believe you should I asked my [TS]

  doctor if Elysium is right for me I [TS]

  don't think you should talk to your dog [TS]

  is it a new puppet the thing is that the [TS]

  more people know about Elysium unless [TS]

  there is for us well I think that's [TS]

  right because Elysium leas iam will [TS]

  allow you to live forever oh yeah [TS]

  because it binds to your neuro toxins [TS]

  and it takes your health of ease and it [TS]

  turns him into alpha C's analyses are [TS]

  what you need [TS]

  alpha C's are what plants crave it comes [TS]

  down to the alphas you gotta switch your [TS]

  office sure and that and what happens is [TS]

  if you get in there and get your beta [TS]

  blockers that will like anti oxidize [TS]

  your your you know your neural net [TS]

  cancerboys well and what it does is it [TS]

  takes your block chain breaks me see it [TS]

  breaks the RNA okay and converts it into [TS]

  RNP it changes the dispensation to [TS]

  ladder chain exactly okay I'm funny here [TS]

  Elysium health live healthier for longer [TS]

  with science that's right and Elysium so [TS]

  Elysium was this miracle pill that came [TS]

  out that was and part of their [TS]

  stratagems mmm [TS]

  word that they had all these scientists [TS]

  they got all these Nobel scientists to [TS]

  send a lot of white guys and ties and [TS]

  you were like will you endorse this will [TS]

  you endorse this and all the scientists [TS]

  were like yeah sure sure [TS]

  sounds like good science [TS]

  and they were there a bunch of guy a [TS]

  bunch of these scientists on their board [TS]

  of directors they actually put them on [TS]

  the board no these guys look like [TS]

  potatoes with eyeglasses so when they [TS]

  land they all won the Fields Medal and [TS]

  and that's why they're so mad at Matt [TS]

  Damon that's because he won't just to [TS]

  the mansion oh no he won't do the math [TS]

  because they won the Fields Medal for [TS]

  crying out loud okay [TS]

  so okay this stuff this Elysium [TS]

  I'm losing track a little bit here so [TS]

  you got you've got your you've got your [TS]

  brain pill your lady doctor gave you [TS]

  yeah you've got a blood pressure pill - [TS]

  blood pressure field - so up to three [TS]

  pills one of them is a little a little [TS]

  pink pill and one of them is a little [TS]

  very strange little mustard colored pill [TS]

  okay [TS]

  oh they're different kinds you're on a [TS]

  cocktail yep yep drink no so there's [TS]

  three there's three pills and I threw a [TS]

  D in there and then I threw a B in there [TS]

  okay all right thrown the D I threw the [TS]

  d3 I threw in Deez Nuts once anyway so [TS]

  then I'm then I'm hearing this elysium [TS]

  talk around them you know that this is [TS]

  the this is the pillow talk that I had a [TS]

  certain point this is what we're talking [TS]

  about around the breakfast case we're [TS]

  talking hanging out with Generation snap [TS]

  yeah Elysium yeah they're buying glasses [TS]

  from from vending machines yep that's [TS]

  right get a knife from the Elysium [TS]

  Elysium is one of these things where you [TS]

  it's like a it's like a every pill costs [TS]

  a dollar or every pill cost two dollars [TS]

  or something like that but what price [TS]

  for life yeah what price Merlin no no [TS]

  there's how do you put a price on [TS]

  eternity how many extra Saturdays do you [TS]

  want while your daughter still likes all [TS]

  I mean the roughest the problem is [TS]

  that's a finite number they might be a [TS]

  pill to reboot her at some point I'm [TS]

  hoping I think what happens is you get a [TS]

  bunch of Saturdays after she stops [TS]

  liking you yeah that's where the that's [TS]

  where the extra Saturdays come and [TS]

  that's not necessarily where you want [TS]

  them okay no okay you want getting [TS]

  front-loaded okay so at this point [TS]

  you're up - well now wait a minute so I [TS]

  wasn't entirely on board with the [TS]

  Elysium okay but I mean you worked we're [TS]

  up to three or four five ish by five [TS]

  arrests five pills okay [TS]

  oh okay so before the Elysium my mom [TS]

  came to me and said I'm taking these [TS]

  pills which are good for your joints is [TS]

  it closed min chondroitin yes and I said [TS]

  what evidence do you have these are good [TS]

  for the joint [TS]

  I think dr. Oz likes it and she said [TS]

  there is no evidence that it's good for [TS]

  the joints but I take them on faith huh [TS]

  okay because it's made out of them these [TS]

  pills are made out of the collagen that [TS]

  we use in the joints in the joints so if [TS]

  you had more of it anywhere to go is it [TS]

  like repairing the ladder DNA it knows [TS]

  where to go it seeks out the joint areas [TS]

  and then replenishes none like some kind [TS]

  of a supply mission this is what we [TS]

  don't know but if you give your body [TS]

  more of this stuff it can hurt I mean [TS]

  what's it gonna do it's what you pee it [TS]

  away it's like a vitamin C for your [TS]

  joints you know or the little dudes and [TS]

  hardhats that live inside your body that [TS]

  move like eyebeams around okay are gonna [TS]

  be like we got some more that's right [TS]

  exactly was a little sergeant-major [TS]

  that's like put that in there cuz I got [TS]

  this bum knees that I got when I jumped [TS]

  off the Billy out the outfield wall at [TS]

  RFK Stadium during a Grateful Dead [TS]

  concert in 1990 oh and this is unrelated [TS]

  so when you fell off that piece of [TS]

  equipment at the dump it's a completely [TS]

  unrelated this is a bad knee that goes [TS]

  all the way back to 1990 okay it's [TS]

  basically Jerry Garcia's seog bad knee [TS]

  yep that's right and so why not because [TS]

  when I go to the doctor about the bad [TS]

  knee and I'm like eyelet knee is kind of [TS]

  killing me the doctor says you don't [TS]

  want to do a knee surgery until you have [TS]

  to like oh so what you're saying is I [TS]

  wrap an ace bandage around it and I [TS]

  pretend everything's fine taut and the [TS]

  doctor says wrap an ace bandage around [TS]

  it you don't have to pretend it's fine [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  maybe you pee him out maybe you don't [TS]

  but what you know what do you want to do [TS]

  is it's a dollar a day how many [TS]

  Saturdays do you want right right anyway [TS]

  so I look up I look at this amazing [TS]

  house I could get turned against you Oh [TS]

  everything gets turned against you yeah [TS]

  that's how they get you that's how they [TS]

  so the man who if memory serves I [TS]

  brought you theraflu one time and you [TS]

  didn't want to take you or deathly [TS]

  deathly ill you had to show a great [TS]

  American you were very very sick I think [TS]

  I brought you some ephedrine and a [TS]

  theraflu and you didn't want either one [TS]

  because you doesn't like to put that [TS]

  stuff in your body well what happens [TS]

  with the theraflu hmm back in 1991 when [TS]

  I knew a lot of junkies I knew more [TS]

  junkies in 1991 than I know now sir it [TS]

  was I know I I think that that might [TS]

  have been peak junkie although I the [TS]

  thing is now I know Seattle I think in [TS]

  West Virginia they're doing pretty good [TS]

  right now [TS]

  well that's right it's all flipped [TS]

  around yeah back then being a junkie was [TS]

  the thing that you did if you were now [TS]

  it's just if you're living in if you're [TS]

  living in West Virginia and you're [TS]

  working on cars we got to talk about [TS]

  that someday that is so fucked up it's [TS]

  really terrible every time I read about [TS]

  I'm more completely freaked out it's a [TS]

  crime against humanity it's sickening [TS]

  that you don't think about when you [TS]

  think about the CIA and the government [TS]

  intervening in populations you think [TS]

  about them putting aids into the gay [TS]

  community or you think yeah right yeah [TS]

  you do not think about are you it isn't [TS]

  typically thought of as a concern as [TS]

  they concede you one paragraph I [TS]

  screenshot yesterday did have the heart [TS]

  to post it but this is I think I want to [TS]

  say from Washington Post article I [TS]

  forget this one paragraph that just had [TS]

  me back on my heels the epidemic has [TS]

  also made some pharmaceutical companies [TS]

  very rich no a real barrier to getting [TS]

  the industry to buy into change okay [TS]

  hang on sales of prescription opioids [TS]

  almost quadrupled between 1999 and 2014 [TS]

  you know Forex in 15 years as the number [TS]

  of prescriptions soared [TS]

  by 2010 there were more than eight [TS]

  opioid prescriptions for every ten [TS]

  people for Purdue Pharma the makers of [TS]

  oxycontin have sold more than 25 [TS]

  buh-buh-buh billion dollars worth of the [TS]

  drug in the past decade hmm Jesus Christ [TS]

  so you're not on that right now as far [TS]

  as you know if you gave if you backed up [TS]

  the oxycontin truck [TS]

  and you poured that stuff in you know [TS]

  and you gave me as much as I could take [TS]

  yeah I would a take zero but if you gave [TS]

  me if you forced me to have it in my [TS]

  house I would take it out I'd dump it in [TS]

  the pool and little office and let the [TS]

  worms figure it out somewhere downstream [TS]

  some fish in Lake Washington like whoa [TS]

  start chasing the dragon I don't want it [TS]

  I don't want it around yeah you ever not [TS]

  - yeah and and the thing is then the [TS]

  junkies that I knew back in the 90s were [TS]

  like shooting shooting up that was how [TS]

  you were a junkie been like needle based [TS]

  heroin the whole thing you cook it there [TS]

  in your spoon you do that you do the do [TS]

  you and then if you're lucky you don't [TS]

  die sitting on a toilet at the that's [TS]

  the you know the Cafe Roma and make the [TS]

  employees try and force the door open [TS]

  and then call the ambulance and then the [TS]

  cafes that sucks [TS]

  well they don't make them it's just like [TS]

  who the hell you know it's the employee [TS]

  that's like knock knock knock are you [TS]

  done in there hello managers in back [TS]

  shooting up he's got other people into [TS]

  the toilet exactly okay now now what I [TS]

  know I do know a lot of junkies now but [TS]

  they're all these maintenance junkies [TS]

  where they're like I'm not a junkie I [TS]

  just have to take these pills for [TS]

  anxiety and pain yeah it's like ah fuck [TS]

  your 48 years old and you're fucking [TS]

  strung out yeah tell it to the robot [TS]

  apocalypse I mean you want to talk about [TS]

  an eel yeah no shit the ultra eel I [TS]

  struggle with it I struggle with it yeah [TS]

  I don't want to be back on it so hard [TS]

  that I think about the apocalypse [TS]

  everybody wants it you know it's not you [TS]

  know it's hard it's not that it's easy [TS]

  to not do it yeah it's fucking awful and [TS]

  then you know plus or minus five pills [TS]

  well the thing is the reason I don't [TS]

  take theraflu is that the junkies back [TS]

  in 1991 used to huddle around their [TS]

  little fucking Bic lighter fire and say [TS]

  to each other [TS]

  the secret junkie language that I that I [TS]

  learned epidemic they would say when you [TS]

  can't get junk and you're starting to [TS]

  like get the bads you're starting to get [TS]

  some pts there [TS]

  flew theraflu if you take theraflu it [TS]

  takes the edge off yeah [TS]

  you drink there you shoot it no you [TS]

  don't shoot it my god I could see people [TS]

  suffering people love snorting things [TS]

  yeah I think it would drink you drink it [TS]

  bye bye quelling the flu : food like [TS]

  symptoms [TS]

  it takes down your heebie-jeebie bats [TS]

  that's right it's called it it's that [TS]

  that should have been that should have [TS]

  been there other what when there's sound [TS]

  it's like label usage yeah you want you [TS]

  want to say their slogan should have [TS]

  been theraflu takes the edge off and so [TS]

  I started to think in the early 90s that [TS]

  theraflu was powerful medicine because [TS]

  if it is helping that if it's helping [TS]

  those creepy crawlies yeah if it's [TS]

  helping the feeling that like flies are [TS]

  burrowing in your arms then it's [TS]

  probably stronger than I need one I've [TS]

  got a cold so I typically only employ [TS]

  theraflu when it's like alright I don't [TS]

  even give a shit anymore if I ended up [TS]

  on oxycontin because of this whatever [TS]

  fine drug I'm so freakin sick right now [TS]

  I don't care anyway so I'm up five pills [TS]

  okay [TS]

  but then the Elysium thing feels like [TS]

  it's just got it's just they spent a lot [TS]

  of money on the logo and the label there [TS]

  it seems like a executive drug if you [TS]

  know what I'm saying oh yeah that's what [TS]

  they call know it tropics where these [TS]

  whole class of Unicom drugs it could be [TS]

  herbs it could be some kind of all these [TS]

  things that have very little to zero [TS]

  FDA evidence of everything and that goes [TS]

  back to like the st. John's wort the [TS]

  ginseng like all of these things that [TS]

  have this rap for doing a certain thing [TS]

  you got all the where they call the [TS]

  homoerotic so what are the ones that [TS]

  don't do anything like the asila cockney [TS]

  what are you ready call as homeopathic [TS]

  well you know you P go to Germany and [TS]

  you tell those people that they don't do [TS]

  anything they're gonna get real mad at [TS]

  you you know there's a big lawsuit over [TS]

  st. John's wort there wasn't there [TS]

  didn't they then they crack it down the [TS]

  thing about the Germans and you know we [TS]

  don't know well you know they're hard on [TS]

  Scientology so well and that's the thing [TS]

  like if you're if you are mad about [TS]

  Scientology not not being a real [TS]

  religion yeah but you [TS]

  that the that the cure for an allergic [TS]

  reaction is to give you a micro dose of [TS]

  fucking you know collagen fly wings I [TS]

  feel like you got it you got it easy too [TS]

  much to do the real homeopathy the [TS]

  smaller the doses the more effective it [TS]

  is [TS]

  you have pseudoscience I you know they [TS]

  don't let you take they don't they don't [TS]

  let you take f adran now for where your [TS]

  bad nose sniffles in Germany because [TS]

  they think it's a controlled substance [TS]

  but they give you some you know they [TS]

  give you some tincture of like monkey [TS]

  sweat yeah and they think like oh this [TS]

  is the real this is the real cure you [TS]

  got to get with the program Germans [TS]

  invented aspirin you know they pioneered [TS]

  most of the drugs that we use now a day [TS]

  over then in the Germany at first I [TS]

  thought you said germs invented aspirin [TS]

  and I was wrong this is a new theory I [TS]

  had not heard no no I don't believe in [TS]

  germ theory okay so you're up to five [TS]

  you got 70 pills a week and you're [TS]

  saying yeah you Elysium are you hearing [TS]

  the so let me you're back with [TS]

  millennium girlfriend back in the day [TS]

  and were you persuaded to give Elysium a [TS]

  throw so like with my mom's magic [TS]

  collagen pill I went and did some [TS]

  separate research and the research [TS]

  around and the collagen pill has on the [TS]

  label like this is not we are not at all [TS]

  saying that this does anything but you [TS]

  know but if as long as we have said that [TS]

  we're also gonna say this is amazing [TS]

  and with Elysium it was a thing where [TS]

  they had this substance which was called [TS]

  n ad plus 90 plus NID NAD+ which is [TS]

  nicotinamide something something [TS]

  something nicotinamide something [TS]

  something something plus plus and [TS]

  nicotinamide is pretty easy and cheap to [TS]

  get but if you combine it with some [TS]

  other things an A and a D there's some [TS]

  kind of die mix it against any nicotine [TS]

  in my diet you get this this stuff and [TS]

  then you had a plus on the end [TS]

  and it turned out this is the amazing [TS]

  thing about the story it turned out that [TS]

  there's only one company in the country [TS]

  that makes NAD+ and Elysium gets their [TS]

  NAD+ from this same company that [TS]

  everybody else does because there's only [TS]

  one company that makes it oh they're [TS]

  just white labeling something that's [TS]

  almost a commodity yeah Elysium [TS]

  commercial bespoke formula No [TS]

  okay no they just discovered Elysium [TS]

  'he's discovered that it did this other [TS]

  amazing stuff those all the 50 nobel [TS]

  scientists all were the ones that were [TS]

  like [TS]

  and i think they combined it with a [TS]

  separate a second ingredient so so it's [TS]

  not just nad plus its nad plus plus [TS]

  that's the plus it's some kind of plus [TS]

  it's the other plus it's the reason that [TS]

  japanese-made i've been as tube [TS]

  screamers sound better than [TS]

  american-made i beneath korean-made i [TS]

  because because the plus plus okay [TS]

  hippie to a second ingredient that's [TS]

  right it has a diode [TS]

  okay that's second diode there's light [TS]

  emitting so I said well if the active [TS]

  ingredient in Elysium is nad plus why [TS]

  don't I just get my nad plus from the [TS]

  bulk supplier and the answer to that you [TS]

  know the pillow-talk answer was well [TS]

  Elysium is something else and basically [TS]

  like don't fight city hall it's got all [TS]

  these it's got all these scientists the [TS]

  design of this jar it's it's very very [TS]

  modern sure you put that on your counter [TS]

  and people say why did I go up with like [TS]

  a Whole Foods plastic bag full of powder [TS]

  is cool what's it called basis by [TS]

  elysium have that sit on your desk or [TS]

  sorry I can't raise Hotelling desk or [TS]

  your standing desk or your units like [TS]

  it's sitting on your desk right next to [TS]

  your like five five steel ball clacker [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  you have nap cubes go take a nap in I [TS]

  actually asked a person who had nap [TS]

  cubes in their office does anybody ever [TS]

  go and take a nap in there and they're [TS]

  like what no you would be definitely I'm [TS]

  looked at askance if you went in there [TS]

  and took a nap [TS]

  yeah trap a lobster trap they're gonna [TS]

  see which kind of who the dopes that [TS]

  grab a beer out of the copiously stocked [TS]

  a fridge and who the people who actually [TS]

  use the NAP cube we told you to please [TS]

  use yeah that's right if I worked in an [TS]

  office I would use that NAP cube twice a [TS]

  day and the person I was talking to is [TS]

  like you would be fired it's like it's [TS]

  right there it says nap cube on it right [TS]

  and and they were like oh you doesn't [TS]

  say pivot E box search we're encouraged [TS]

  that PAP cubes but no one ever goes [TS]

  anywhere close yeah anyway so I decided [TS]

  I was gonna start taking I didn't want [TS]

  to get left behind it's a thing when [TS]

  Matt Damon goes up to the to the Elysium [TS]

  and starts kicking ass with all the [TS]

  people that are living in a in a [TS]

  terrarium up in up in wall-e super [TS]

  spaceship I didn't want to be the one [TS]

  that I don't believe I'm gonna picture [TS]

  do like Google for then does he have a [TS]

  science spine in that is that what that [TS]

  is [TS]

  whoo yeah he has a science spine and [TS]

  looks like he's got a GoPro in the back [TS]

  of his head okay [TS]

  because in the future everybody has a [TS]

  science spine and everybody is a karate [TS]

  master but they all live they all live [TS]

  down on earth in like Johannesburg while [TS]

  this bet while the specials live up in [TS]

  Elysium in like the wall-e thing except [TS]

  they're not they're not chubby okay the [TS]

  wall we knew they got peloton or like [TS]

  one of those things up there the well [TS]

  the thing is I think they're taking in a [TS]

  B D plus plus it's got any D plus yeah [TS]

  so I was like look I'm not gonna sit [TS]

  here and watch you take a Liam every day [TS]

  and not also do it but I don't want to [TS]

  be I'm calling would that be for her to [TS]

  outlive you well and things she's [TS]

  already younger than me I now she's got [TS]

  she's got an edge so I wanted all the [TS]

  Saturdays I wanted more Saturdays so I [TS]

  started taking nad well [TS]

  then so that goes in the pillbox and [TS]

  then I was when I started taking the [TS]

  bipolar medicine I started to feel like [TS]

  I wasn't remembering certain [TS]

  conversation thinkable over a couple of [TS]

  gingko biloba what is taken oh so so I [TS]

  went online [TS]

  uh-huh everything I get is online yeah I [TS]

  went on that's the biggest deal of all [TS]

  online your than oxycontin online is [TS]

  your big deal they're gonna raise your [TS]

  price on prime you can be so mad they're [TS]

  like guess what prime is born I didn't [TS]

  want it in the print place I paid more [TS]

  for it now yeah now I got to watch 40 [TS]

  movies a week just to pay it off so oh [TS]

  yeah an Hodgman gave me clear clear [TS]

  which lets you go through the airports [TS]

  without talking to anybody [TS]

  alright but you passed that on is it [TS]

  like nobility do you yeah you have to be [TS]

  like you have somebody that knows you [TS]

  they vouch for you yeah United but then [TS]

  the way Claire works is after you've had [TS]

  it for a while on yeah if you've had [TS]

  Hodgman clear then they're like we build [TS]

  your account for your payment for clear [TS]

  they pay for it you pay you big house [TS]

  would you keep out the smokes [TS]

  yeah you're keeping Snorks out who don't [TS]

  who don't have the money to pay for it [TS]

  nobody else would being clear I want to [TS]

  clear the woman didn't even she walked [TS]

  past she gave she gave the Heisman to [TS]

  the TSA guy she's like she was like this [TS]

  guy's with me and she walked me right up [TS]

  to the pret Upton thing and I was just [TS]

  like whoa yeah okay one day I feel like [TS]

  I'm gonna get in that clear line and [TS]

  instead of putting me on the flight that [TS]

  I'm taking to Atlanta it's gonna put me [TS]

  on a flight to Elysium and they're just [TS]

  gonna say don't worry about it with this [TS]

  you're not going to Atlanta anymore cuz [TS]

  Atlanta doesn't exist we're going up but [TS]

  the problem with it is if you amateur [TS]

  eyes it [TS]

  you gotta fly 40 times to make it seem [TS]

  like it's real all jiminy would you play [TS]

  would you pay $10 to not have to put [TS]

  your gruel should be more like an [TS]

  airport lounge where if you can go in [TS]

  like there's been times when I'm like [TS]

  shit yeah I'll pay 50 bucks to sit in [TS]

  this place for two hours [TS]

  you'd not be with the Snorks but I [TS]

  wouldn't want to have to be charged for [TS]

  it every month if I'm not using I'll you [TS]

  get charged you get charged huh the [TS]

  number of times I fly a year it's right [TS]

  at the line where it's like I'm paying [TS]

  $15 per time I fly no now is that [TS]

  there'll be one time when that is a [TS]

  hundred and fifty thousand percent worth [TS]

  it right and then a bunch of times when [TS]

  maybe they're letting you know they do [TS]

  the freebie days where the Snorks get to [TS]

  go through you've seen that it's clear [TS]

  but there's the one where you get to go [TS]

  to one of the special lines like oh yeah [TS]

  today free trial you get to go through [TS]

  the special line over here because we're [TS]

  not very busy today no no that's not [TS]

  gonna be clear cuz clear requires [TS]

  clearly wants you to do a retinal scan [TS]

  and all this okay all right you have to [TS]

  be you know you have to be willing to [TS]

  endure you have to be willing to wear [TS]

  your privilege on your sleeve if you're [TS]

  going to go through cure or clear [TS]

  there's no better place to wear [TS]

  privilege if you've not though at an [TS]

  airport yes that's a perfect place for [TS]

  privilege oh that's true too but if [TS]

  you're at the airport and you're looking [TS]

  over there and there's a guy there's a [TS]

  guy with a corncob pipe and he's got two [TS]

  chickens on his shoulders and he's like [TS]

  The Simpsons the Seinfeld music and I I [TS]

  was I got dropped off by my lift uh-huh [TS]

  and I was sitting at the gate in six [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  but terminal terminal 1 terminal is that [TS]

  open again yeah that's the [TS]

  yeah they got a big like Calder mobile [TS]

  no they don't but they should it's the [TS]

  type of thing where they keep them [TS]

  straight I think United is 3 well [TS]

  there's international which is totally [TS]

  baller [TS]

  that's where version is I don't fly [TS]

  United and I think one used to be the [TS]

  odds and sods one and I think they [TS]

  really did it [TS]

  ok all right you did it it is that's a [TS]

  six minutes is insane it's insane [TS]

  it's almost like how it used to be to go [TS]

  to the airport just right use login you [TS]

  get here's my bags could be anything in [TS]

  there I don't know walk on through give [TS]

  you say hot sam back in the day when my [TS]

  dad would walk me down to the gate yes [TS]

  on the plane and play with the person [TS]

  and just say on the strength I promise [TS]

  to get off the plane yeah yeah yeah will [TS]

  they be like all right everybody that's [TS]

  not flying get off the plane now my god [TS]

  be like alright here's the drink on the [TS]

  way out here's a check for your mother [TS]

  don't lose it like my dad would walk me [TS]

  down to the gate sometimes and they'd be [TS]

  like oh we've closed the gate and the [TS]

  jetway is pulled away and my dad would [TS]

  say I'm Dave Roderick let me tell you [TS]

  why you need to bring the jetway back to [TS]

  the plane and they'd be like all right I [TS]

  mean that happened more than once if we [TS]

  bring the jetway fact we withhold here [TS]

  at some point your millennium girlfriend [TS]

  had gotten you on to the Elysium so I'm [TS]

  taking an 8020 bus but then I started to [TS]

  I started to like people would say well [TS]

  I remember you when you were talking to [TS]

  that girl and you said this and I was I [TS]

  remember right what do you mean and my [TS]

  memory is is like a big part of um yes [TS]

  my self-identity it's your brand I mean [TS]

  I know I remember I remember things and [TS]

  all of a sudden the thing is I still [TS]

  could tell you all about the Grateful [TS]

  Dead concert where I broke my knee but I [TS]

  couldn't remember having met this person [TS]

  a week and a half ago and it's it [TS]

  spooked me and so I went on maybe maybe [TS]

  it retards ate part of my saying here [TS]

  retards aging by losing memories so you [TS]

  feel like you're younger right right or [TS]

  you just throw your lef encumbered by [TS]

  the weight of metal it's like a clear [TS]

  line for experience [TS]

  I didn't want that no and so I go online [TS]

  and you know if you if you look at the [TS]

  contraindications of drugs they all say [TS]

  the same thing which is this drug may [TS]

  may give you the following symptoms [TS]

  which is every conceivable symptom that [TS]

  you could feel as a human being like [TS]

  memory loss or you might not be able to [TS]

  hold your poo in well there's always a [TS]

  diarrhea headache yeah and then but [TS]

  there's one like I've watched too much [TS]

  NBC which is increasingly making me [TS]

  realize what an old person network is [TS]

  because it's all old person ads but I'll [TS]

  be like you know uh salon tricks treats [TS]

  do not take if you're allergic to [TS]

  cilantro excellent tricks may cause [TS]

  suicidal ideations like really right [TS]

  right so in Turks might make your [TS]

  mustache fall off so there's a lot of [TS]

  things I can ukulele music one of the [TS]

  things that they said on the line was [TS]

  they said yes if you take lamictal [TS]

  lamotrigine the limit to lamotrigine i [TS]

  used to well it may affect your memory [TS]

  but the thing that helps your memory it [TS]

  may also the black box warning indicates [TS]

  you might also get a deadly skin rash oh [TS]

  that's right and that's the bad stuff [TS]

  because every once and every once in a [TS]

  blue mood somebody is taking lamictal or [TS]

  lamotrigine in their skin falls off oh [TS]

  my shrink who is like he was like a 9r [TS]

  and like psychiatrist he would give me [TS]

  anything but he's like look look in my [TS]

  eyes seriously be very you're gonna [TS]

  start with like 1/10 of a pill we'll try [TS]

  that for a week then we'll go to like [TS]

  1/8 of a pill like this is this stuff it [TS]

  is serious and it will hit you fast if [TS]

  you if you end up being one of the [TS]

  people it's a black box warnings one of [TS]

  those rare things that's like high [TS]

  really big warning you will die if you [TS]

  take this wrong you'll die in a really [TS]

  bad way your skin will fall off which is [TS]

  a bet your skin died yes if you have to [TS]

  lose one thing your skin shouldn't be it [TS]

  memory serves its on label for epilepsy [TS]

  if he serves an off-label for I got a [TS]

  from mood stabilization [TS]

  yeah well and the mood stabilization was [TS]

  the thing that they had they hadn't [TS]

  approved for epilepsy and then it was [TS]

  just one of those like licking the toad [TS]

  in the Amazon rainforest touching such [TS]

  patients since they're like wait a [TS]

  minute all these people that had both [TS]

  severe epilepsy or severe seizures let's [TS]

  call them and also seem to be bipolar [TS]

  wow look at this [TS]

  they're not sad anymore and they're not [TS]

  they didn't gamble their house away this [TS]

  week which is a big improvement for them [TS]

  no they lost is their skin [TS]

  no they lost is their skin [TS]

  as you see my largest organ so so I go [TS]

  online and they're like if you are [TS]

  suffering from memory loss from taking [TS]

  lamictal the thing that works is if you [TS]

  take an AC plus or minus [TS]

  just regular Prime it's NEC prime MA see [TS]

  there's no plus or minus it's like an [TS]

  asset island Castaway salons they're [TS]

  doing a lot of work in those letters [TS]

  they are NAC not an on crash test [TS]

  dummies plus and so I was like well this [TS]

  is confusing because I'm already taking [TS]

  NAD+ are you telling me I'm taking NEC [TS]

  now to to to stave off the memory loss [TS]

  from taking lamictal lamotrigine and you [TS]

  know oh this is how they get you yeah so [TS]

  I said all right [TS]

  shit shit dawg I got a pill case now [TS]

  that is the size of a Honda Civic it's [TS]

  got 14 doors I'm just throwing pills in [TS]

  here [TS]

  so I ordered some NAC and the problem is [TS]

  as soon as the NAC showed up they both [TS]

  have because they don't have Elysium [TS]

  style labels they just have whatever [TS]

  junk junk style labels when I run out of [TS]

  one of them I can't remember whether [TS]

  it's the NAC or the nad oh no no I very [TS]

  different no they look but is it just [TS]

  see I take a bunch of stuff that's just [TS]

  like white stuff in a capsule yeah along [TS]

  that's what this is and it just looks [TS]

  like German tinctures right because [TS]

  neither one of them is like is is FDA [TS]

  approved for any I mean yeah you know I [TS]

  think is approved for asthma attacks [TS]

  yeah but it also restores your memory [TS]

  and nad+ is basically like a placebo [TS]

  that makes you think you're gonna live [TS]

  on a speech you need a really good tilt [TS]

  case is what you need I do what [TS]

  basically I need one that's a fanny [TS]

  packs [TS]

  step but strapped to my leg like like [TS]

  Tomb Raider I'm feeling a little bit [TS]

  memory weird [TS]

  Kapow my memory might be better but I'm [TS]

  not sure I'll stop taking it down that's [TS]

  the other thing with the limit tellers [TS]

  yeah taper off - don't don't do that [TS]

  don't and sometimes I forget and then [TS]

  it's like oh boy it's been a whole day [TS]

  but apparently it stays in your body for [TS]

  like a couple of days so you don't have [TS]

  to freak out your skin won't fall off [TS]

  yeah but with any D when you go online [TS]

  you're like I want some NAD+ I'm looking [TS]

  on Amazon right now they have a life [TS]

  extension brand NAD+ cell cell [TS]

  regenerator Unicode nicotine gum I read [TS]

  both side I was liven Radley Slavin it's [TS]

  yeah reiben flavin was my roommate in [TS]

  college [TS]

  so the problem with NAD+ is that all [TS]

  those things on Amazon so I went on [TS]

  right and I was like what's the optimal [TS]

  dosage of NAD+ and they were like well [TS]

  you can take up to 500 milligrams but we [TS]

  think you pee out the last 200 of that [TS]

  so the so the ideal dosage of this thing [TS]

  that we don't know what it does is add [TS]

  250 milligrams a day not sure sounds [TS]

  that sounds about right that's what I [TS]

  would have guessed yeah yeah but a lot [TS]

  of the bottles that you buy because I [TS]

  don't want to sit be taking this stuff [TS]

  all day a lot of these lobbies come in [TS]

  125 we might have to double up which I [TS]

  hate this is how they get you your order [TS]

  from Amazon you get it on Prime and now [TS]

  it's not gonna fit a goddamn pillbox [TS]

  getting the pillbox from Amazon and I [TS]

  was just raised their prices give me a [TS]

  fucking break I thought at one time and [TS]

  it was like you know something like 50 [TS]

  doses 250 milligrams and it came and [TS]

  then I turned the bottle over and read [TS]

  it more carefully and it was like [TS]

  service emphasized to serving sides - [TS]

  yeah and I was just like oh I want you [TS]

  to die a thousand deaths a few people [TS]

  with your fake labels like just make a [TS]

  two hundred fifty milligram pills I know [TS]

  you can [TS]

  yeah so make the whole plane out of nad [TS]

  that's right right I so I took I have to [TS]

  take another 45 minutes going and [TS]

  searching all these things to find out [TS]

  which one is [TS]

  pill container you better hope you don't [TS]

  mix them up or have a little spill uh-uh [TS]

  nowhere well in every single one of them [TS]

  is slightly different size or slightly [TS]

  different color so I I kind of know what [TS]

  their what they're doing but now I'm [TS]

  taking a bunch of pills that's like as [TS]

  big as a bird's nest like I feel like [TS]

  I'm eating four blue eggs a day can I [TS]

  say just on the toss this out hi this is [TS]

  not on you I feel like it might be a [TS]

  little bit of a constraint of your [TS]

  imagination cuz your thing about pillbox [TS]

  what if we take it from a different [TS]

  angle what about more like a tackle box [TS]

  the tackle box or maybe like a like an [TS]

  artist's supply box yeah very cool art [TS]

  of supply boxes it's gotta fit in a [TS]

  small bag well but see what the amount [TS]

  of things you're taking you might need [TS]

  another bag you might be spoke pill [TS]

  Filson this is the thing I'm afraid of [TS]

  because first of all I don't know if [TS]

  some of these oh and then because I'm [TS]

  taking a B in the D I figured why not [TS]

  throw a fish oil pill in there God is [TS]

  the size of Moscow give me an update [TS]

  account where you are on a daily basis [TS]

  how many was talking about you some [TS]

  talking about like nine pills or nine [TS]

  pills and I don't know which ones [TS]

  counteract which ones some of them [TS]

  you're not supposed to drink grapefruit [TS]

  juice yeah this one over here says [TS]

  there's no soup like I don't get a [TS]

  project manager for your life you end up [TS]

  being the de-facto project manager for [TS]

  all the pills you put in your face and [TS]

  how are you doing now you're not a [TS]

  physician when all these things are like [TS]

  these aren't these aren't prescription [TS]

  drugs these are just shit I find it's [TS]

  cool there's no lethal dose right except [TS]

  what happens I mean like if I sat down [TS]

  with the pharmacologist [TS]

  which is what they call them and I said [TS]

  all right here's all the pills what do [TS]

  you think of this yeah they're gonna get [TS]

  into your interactions and agonism and [TS]

  whatnot yeah and are they gonna say like [TS]

  well nine out of ten of these pills are [TS]

  just in that one fish oil because that's [TS]

  all we any of us really need just take [TS]

  one fish oil pill a day [TS]

  say if you take this little little pill [TS]

  for your heart yeah and this big pill [TS]

  for living on a spaceship yeah the two [TS]

  are going to combine to [TS]

  to turn into a right close I'll abide Oh [TS]

  like a healthful Tron or something you [TS]

  know something is that gonna is that [TS]

  gonna bounce off the free radicals brian [TS]

  says synergism synergy well one plus one [TS]

  is 158 that kind of thing I can't win a [TS]

  fraction what's the opposite of synergy [TS]

  like is he a great man is he you know [TS]

  like does he does he ride the lightning [TS]

  has he ever seen the the fucking c-beams [TS]

  glitter off the Tannhauser game like no [TS]

  I don't want it working John I can tell [TS]

  the pills are working you're lousy with [TS]

  Elysium so one so what I need is [TS]

  basically a thing that when I sit down [TS]

  at the little desk in my hook in my like [TS]

  miserable hotel yes because sometimes [TS]

  when I'm feeling brave I'm like I'm [TS]

  gonna eat all these pills in one gulp oh [TS]

  no no no that's gonna put on your [TS]

  trachea I throw them all in there and I [TS]

  drink this big glass water I'm like yeah [TS]

  but then that voice in my head that's [TS]

  one in all the Saturdays is like what [TS]

  happens you know like all your cool rock [TS]

  star friends all die box cotton [TS]

  overdoses yeah what happens if you're [TS]

  the one that chokes on a fish oil pill [TS]

  like that's gonna that's a bad look on [TS]

  you you you know like don't die young [TS]

  because you're like brave about taking a [TS]

  bunch of like like me boy Billy Joel [TS]

  writes a song about you it's gonna be so [TS]

  sad don't do that that's not that's not [TS]

  beef so now I take him in three gulps [TS]

  okay but you know I just I feel like [TS]

  such a duck like a ding-a-ling [TS]

  yeah it's mm I went from no pill to nine [TS]

  pills yeah and it was just like pill [TS]

  escalation because I was taking one that [TS]

  helped and who knows I mean who knows if [TS]

  I do if I wean myself off all of those [TS]

  if there's gonna if there's apocalypse [TS]

  mm-hmm [TS]

  like and I'm out living a living in the [TS]

  danger [TS]

  am I gonna be am I gonna wean off all [TS]

  these things and then my skin falls off [TS]

  oh and here's the thing is like death [TS]

  stuff may seem to be doing [TS]

  something or nothing so you're not worse [TS]

  off but in like what happens when the [TS]

  apocalypse comes and suddenly daddy got [TS]

  no lamictal how's that gonna go oh well [TS]

  good put some in your survival bucket I [TS]

  figured out a way around that but I'm [TS]

  not gonna tell everybody but I [TS]

  definitely feel like look this whole [TS]

  business of people that take [TS]

  prescriptions which is you're basically [TS]

  tied to the doctor and the drugstore so [TS]

  it's a whole system yeah for me for me [TS]

  that meant having to go to my shrink [TS]

  once a month pick up a paper [TS]

  prescription you're walking into a [TS]

  drugstore have them give me the side eye [TS]

  and then give me exactly 30 days worth [TS]

  of pills yeah exactly 30 days exactly [TS]

  yeah it's like this is not a drug you [TS]

  can abuse there is no secondary market [TS]

  for you can't sell it on the street [TS]

  okay so my license to get fucking [TS]

  claritin-d and that's what for pimples [TS]

  no no no no no that's from my from a [TS]

  breathing first oh yeah you can get that [TS]

  Charlie Brown shit off the shelf but if [TS]

  you want stuff that actually works and [TS]

  maybe gives you a little bit energy you [TS]

  want the claritin-d behind the counter [TS]

  and they give you the side-eye well keep [TS]

  walking outside I I don't want any side [TS]

  eye and also I did not like being [TS]

  tethered to this 30-day thing no no no [TS]

  you're in the teeth of the gears at this [TS]

  point my friend well I'm like what [TS]

  happens if I go offline what happens if [TS]

  I go in the in the hole you know what if [TS]

  you lose the Bitcoin wallet it has all [TS]

  your prescriptions on it exactly what [TS]

  are you gonna do then it's what happens [TS]

  if the walgreens closes what happens if [TS]

  all Walgreens closed once they break the [TS]

  blockchain what if the blockchain breaks [TS]

  them nothing there are no bipolars and [TS]

  foxholes you know what you need to do I [TS]

  think is you need to come up with an [TS]

  honest you've been very forthcoming [TS]

  today and for that I respect to you you [TS]

  need to call with a spec you know to [TS]

  paraphrase Donald Rumsfeld it you the [TS]

  pillbox that you want that you would [TS]

  desire you need to say this I need this [TS]

  many cubic millimeters of space for my [TS]

  at this point probably 13 pills a day [TS]

  you need to give that a closure what you [TS]

  want to look like if you want to have a [TS]

  theme like maybe like a Donald Duck [TS]

  thing and you need to put that out in [TS]

  front of Generation supertrain and see [TS]

  what they can come up with because we [TS]

  know people as you know as you know we [TS]

  know people with 3d printers [TS]

  we know makers we know there's a makers [TS]

  faire and they could make you the pill [TS]

  box of your dreams well you saw the duck [TS]

  that lost its feet that got plastic feet [TS]

  from a 3d printer there's nothing we [TS]

  can't print anymore John you can I mean [TS]

  you could probably pretty bitcoins me [TS]

  I'd look duck with plastic feet you know [TS]

  what I mean like I want a steampunk pill [TS]

  case but I want it to look like yeah I [TS]

  wanted to look like wild wild west from [TS]

  the sixties not wild wild west from the [TS]

  night we watched Ocean's eleven last [TS]

  night and which i think is a pretty good [TS]

  movie it's okay yeah but it's got a lot [TS]

  of the thing you like Don Cheadle [TS]

  setting aside his really really quite [TS]

  bad English accent god no it's so but [TS]

  there are a lot of guys who have a cool [TS]

  metal suitcase with film in it and [TS]

  compartments is that in a direction you [TS]

  would consider going I do like that but [TS]

  the but the problem is I don't want [TS]

  first of all if I'm gonna handcuff [TS]

  something to my wrists I want it to be [TS]

  the football yeah Jewish girl well so [TS]

  because you get to clear well you gotta [TS]

  get through clear but also like this has [TS]

  all got to be you know everything's got [TS]

  to be on the DL you've gotta look like [TS]

  you're just sitting there like [TS]

  recalibrating the phone yeah you don't [TS]

  want to look like you're going anywhere [TS]

  doing anything and and so you can't like [TS]

  be carrying a football you can't be you [TS]

  can't be handcuffed to a girl right you [TS]

  know like that's the spin you got a [TS]

  football or biscuit or a girl in a chain [TS]

  that's the kind of thing that raises [TS]

  eyebrows even in ClearType situation [TS]

  that's why you're paying the big bucks [TS]

  well it's got a first of all it's got to [TS]

  be mental handcuffs right a man takes a [TS]

  look that takes that's gonna take a [TS]

  months but but what I you know what I [TS]

  I feel like I feel like the secret here [TS]

  I mean I went on I went to the Canadia [TS]

  mm-hmm because sometimes Canadia just [TS]

  like Germania they have different [TS]

  attitudes about drugs and they're like [TS]

  drugs are so cheap sure you want to get [TS]

  a 3 3 3 give it mmm [TS]

  our 2 2 2 or a 5 5 5 or 110-120 whatever [TS]

  it takes and so but they feel the same [TS]

  way about lamictal [TS]

  or they don't poor they don't feel any [TS]

  way about it [TS]

  but I couldn't go up there and buy a big [TS]

  bin yeah up um because they're all so [TS]

  like now you got to be tethered to these [TS]

  mm-hmm but that's that's that's not the [TS]

  key I wanted Johnny the problem is I [TS]

  don't like to buy into this but don't [TS]

  email me but the generic is not always [TS]

  the same as the brand like be careful my [TS]

  shrink told me there were cases in and [TS]

  he's not believing like I said he was a [TS]

  libertarian he doesn't sweat this kind [TS]

  of stuff but like it was like he's had [TS]

  people like call him up in a pretty bad [TS]

  way oh where he basically was Destin did [TS]

  you just stop taking the X that I gave [TS]

  you and it turns out they were on the [TS]

  generic na I wasn't doing what it's [TS]

  supposed to it's not super well [TS]

  regulated ro you might want to put down [TS]

  you know couple extra bitcoins and get [TS]

  the good lamictal for some of that [TS]

  all right oh wait a minute I don't get [TS]

  the good stuff anymore cuz I got because [TS]

  I was like uh I don't know why I care [TS]

  about saving the insurance company money [TS]

  yeah I should just be getting the [TS]

  gold-plated you got a big heart that's [TS]

  part of the problem you know I think you [TS]

  should get some help from our listeners [TS]

  you should tell them what it is that [TS]

  you're looking for the style that you're [TS]

  looking for people know your personal [TS]

  aesthetic right you've gone into [TS]

  pilsen and said you want a purple bag I [TS]

  think you could do that with our [TS]

  listeners I'm not I don't want to put [TS]

  you on along the line here as they say [TS]

  but like you you could probably get some [TS]

  help making a very very cool very very [TS]

  cool case the thing about it is that old [TS]

  apothecary stuff is made out of glass [TS]

  but I like to be able to use my bag as a [TS]

  pillow and so I can't have it's not [TS]

  something where I've got a hard case [TS]

  suitcase with wheels on it and I walk [TS]

  through the [TS]

  and I walked through the airport like [TS]

  some kind of flight attendant like I've [TS]

  got a thing that if if push comes to [TS]

  shove I want to be able to like I [TS]

  suppose with a hardshell suitcase if you [TS]

  if push comes to shove and you bail out [TS]

  of an airplane on top of a glacier you [TS]

  can ride that suitcase down to the end [TS]

  of the glacier but that's not what I [TS]

  want what I want right is the ability to [TS]

  first of all use it as a pillow maybe [TS]

  use it as a water bag I don't know to be [TS]

  wet I don't oh it could be a weapon it [TS]

  could be a defensive weapon it could be [TS]

  like a shield I think more than anything [TS]

  I want to be prepared for time travel if [TS]

  I walk through a temporal anomaly and it [TS]

  transports me back to 1810 I don't want [TS]

  to be standing there with some bag right [TS]

  that looks like a that looks like a [TS]

  plastic turtle I want to be able to say [TS]

  like 19th century I bro it sure will and [TS]

  so I don't want my pill case to be the [TS]

  thing that gives me away I see I but in [TS]

  the olden times it would either I want [TS]

  to be able to see into it so it would [TS]

  either be made of glass or maybe like [TS]

  super thin tortoiseshell maybe I'm like [TS]

  a really rich person and they care for [TS]

  this yeah it's made out of amber or [TS]

  something or amber grief or amber curry [TS]

  right it's made of honey I don't know [TS]

  what it is steampunk I feel like [TS]

  steampunk gives you so many options for [TS]

  eras it does it does and and I'm you [TS]

  know like in my steampunk adjacent no I [TS]

  would not say no I'm never gonna wear [TS]

  goggles I do not want gauges on anything [TS]

  but do and I'm certainly not gonna wear [TS]

  a duster we've covered that too started [TS]

  wearing one no I'm good I got the memo a [TS]

  long time ago yeah but do you know [TS]

  you're not in a John Woo movie get over [TS]

  it I'm not in a John Woo movie but if [TS]

  you look at if you look at Han Solo yes [TS]

  han Solo take the blaster away mm-hmm [TS]

  well lady could go anywhere replace it [TS]

  with a pistol a no anyway he could be in [TS]

  the regiment of almost any country at [TS]

  almost any time yeah he'd be an officer [TS]

  in [TS]

  almost any military he'd walk right up [TS]

  to d'Artagnan and say need another [TS]

  musketeer yes right he could go he could [TS]

  be anywhere he could do anything he [TS]

  could be he could be where could he be [TS]

  he could be could walk up to st. [TS]

  Augustine and say I forgot my tie can I [TS]

  can I come in I confess right right so I [TS]

  feel like Han Solo is it it should be a [TS]

  good place to start [TS]

  can you can you pull out oh I forget if [TS]

  we talked about this how are you as a [TS]

  vest can you do a vest so I've started [TS]

  as a vest is a tough thing to pull off [TS]

  I've started to try to pretend that I'm [TS]

  not fat and oh and one of the like you [TS]

  could do the Andrew Dice Clay thing [TS]

  where you cut your sideburns to look [TS]

  like a jawline okay but that doesn't be [TS]

  trying to be like a forced perspective [TS]

  thing on your face yeah it's the George [TS]

  Lucas problem Oh dear me no right well [TS]

  it's like you might have been 3d printed [TS]

  I [TS]

  well his beard certainly is yes you know [TS]

  it's the dewlap it's didn't anybody with [TS]

  where you trim that thing he's still [TS]

  gonna do that look like the strap of a [TS]

  1940's football helmet it's a classic [TS]

  meat beard all right you don't want you [TS]

  don't want you don't want your you don't [TS]

  want your turkey waddle to stick out [TS]

  below your beard because I would you [TS]

  wait a minute do that the potato [TS]

  fighting a line so close it's like I [TS]

  don't understand it okay so you need [TS]

  some best okay because I'm like well the [TS]

  part of me that I want to conceal is my [TS]

  big tummy [TS]

  why don't I accentuate it with a garment [TS]

  that only is like extra tummy okay but I [TS]

  do feel like again there's a fine line [TS]

  between like wearing a vest where it's [TS]

  like I'm a riverboat gambler and wearing [TS]

  a vest where you say I'm a I'm a college [TS]

  professor who's taking his jacket off [TS]

  yeah being a riverboat gambler versus [TS]

  being like something who does card [TS]

  tricks [TS]

  perfect right good time Charlie and his [TS]

  vest well but I like a wool vest but the [TS]

  problem is a wool vest then you're [TS]

  talking about a Patagonia here if you [TS]

  want so you can like my wife has an [TS]

  outfit that I love that is very Han Solo [TS]

  she's like sexy Han Solo when she goes [TS]

  to work she wears is one outfit I'm like [TS]

  wow you look like Han Solo it's really [TS]

  she's got a puppy because it puppies not [TS]

  that puffy it's Patagonia it's [TS]

  pretty small profile but she's got cool [TS]

  boots and some pants and she's a real [TS]

  smart look you know but I'm talking [TS]

  about a Patagonia you're talking about a [TS]

  waistcoat yeah I have to be careful [TS]

  around a rounded down vest or a puffy [TS]

  vest because I do have some I have a [TS]

  green puppy vest that dates back to 1975 [TS]

  and I stole it from my dad in 1981 Wow [TS]

  and I still have it it's kind of held [TS]

  that held together with duct tape and [TS]

  then I have that original purple vest [TS]

  that Kel McCarl stole from Gary King [TS]

  sporting goods that's a that's a purple [TS]

  North Face back when North Face you know [TS]

  by a thread before your life and this [TS]

  this vest if you if you've jumped out of [TS]

  a plane and landed on a glacier you [TS]

  could ride that best to the Baja Jemmy [TS]

  and I still have both of those things [TS]

  and I and I do wear them but like the [TS]

  other day I was at a thrift store and I [TS]

  found a barb or the vest which is a [TS]

  quilted vest that is like it's like a [TS]

  fox hunting vest or something like that [TS]

  and it was not very it was not very much [TS]

  and I was like do I go this way with my [TS]

  life and I did I got it and I did go [TS]

  that way and the other day I was out [TS]

  this is a long time ago when I was at [TS]

  the the women's March the pussy hat [TS]

  March and I wore my barb or vest [TS]

  underneath my other garment and then the [TS]

  wind picked up and I had already pre [TS]

  protected my daughter with her large [TS]

  coat even though she was mad wear a coat [TS]

  and I had my barb or quilted vest and I [TS]

  felt like I had like I had a secret [TS]

  weapon which was an undergarment that [TS]

  was under the other eye like their stuff [TS]

  well it's really nice but it isn't you [TS]

  know they're not giving it away no they [TS]

  aren't [TS]

  but it but you know it's like pretty [TS]

  nice I've seen the one you're talking [TS]

  about it's pretty low profile it's not [TS]

  puffy you don't look like you're going [TS]

  skiing in the 80s no no no it's very low [TS]

  it's it's it's the year mint it's that [TS]

  it's that whole English like Country [TS]

  Life thing sometimes guys wearing with a [TS]

  necktie knits kind of sharp [TS]

  you're meant to look like you're not [TS]

  meant to look right [TS]

  you know like Prince Charles has been [TS]

  wearing the same double-breasted jacket [TS]

  since 1960 and that's because he's rich [TS]

  and so RIS is lucky just he's gonna be [TS]

  king any day now that's right I just [TS]

  can't wait to be king [TS]

  there's a whole website that talks about [TS]

  the patches that the British royal [TS]

  family has put on their clothes like a [TS]

  hankie coat hanky coat oh you know just [TS]

  lets you know little about preferences [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  no no it's not that it's it's that [TS]

  there's a website where the we're you [TS]

  know they're all the photographer's that [TS]

  are standing around trying to get [TS]

  pictures of Emma Thompson when she gets [TS]

  out of a car yeah [TS]

  but then there are the photographers [TS]

  that have really long lenses that are [TS]

  just chasing Queen Elizabeth around [TS]

  Balmoral Castle okay just trying to get [TS]

  pictures of record user yeah and those [TS]

  people have these these pictures of like [TS]

  like you know Prince Mountbatten or [TS]

  whatever and they're like here's a [TS]

  picture of him in 1971 wearing this coat [TS]

  here's a picture of him in 2015 wearing [TS]

  the same exact coat and we zoomed in on [TS]

  his cuffs and they've been repaired [TS]

  that's old money that's whatever [TS]

  understands that is old money old money [TS]

  is you get something nice and then you [TS]

  keep it around it gets a little bit beat [TS]

  up you fix it it's so hot it is I mean [TS]

  why do I know that website is there [TS]

  because I have gone there and studied [TS]

  all these silent years like oh one of [TS]

  the one of the brass buttons on Prince [TS]

  Charles's jacket doesn't match the [TS]

  others like they could they didn't even [TS]

  bother to find a matching button it's so [TS]

  brilliant but that's where that sort of [TS]

  that stuff comes into play because it's [TS]

  it's meant to look like it's not meant [TS]

  to look and I think that that's pretty [TS]

  Han Solo - mm-hmm so your vest curious [TS]

  I'm I am yeah I'm vest I'm by vest [TS]

  you'll mmm right like I will wear the [TS]

  right vest I try hard not to wear the [TS]

  wrong vest sometimes it's hard it's a [TS]

  commitment you know once you put that on [TS]

  you're out of the house for the day [TS]

  that's that's why I have like 14 [TS]

  Stetsons but I've never worn one outside [TS]

  because I put it on and I'm wearing it [TS]

  I'm wearing it today I walk around the [TS]

  house and slike I've got it this is it [TS]

  this is it this is I'm going this [TS]

  direction and then I get to the front [TS]

  door I open the door and you know Gary's [TS]

  across the street and I'm like I am NOT [TS]

  fucking wearing this Stetson outside and [TS]

  one day I feel like when my beard goes [TS]

  in completely white which is not that [TS]

  long what something happens that I just [TS]

  have crossed the line and I'm a vest [TS]

  wearing pill-popping geezer either then [TS]

  I'm just gonna be like Stetsons I feel [TS]

  like you'll know you'll know when it's [TS]

  time the beard will the beard tell you [TS]

  do you remember in the 90s when you [TS]

  would be somewhere and in your case [TS]

  you'd be there in your airforce jacket [TS]

  with your Henderson with your with your [TS]

  with your Dread Pirate Roberts mustache [TS]

  and you'd be standing there with your [TS]

  bacon ray guitar and some old would be [TS]

  at the club would like died oh I know [TS]

  that old you know the old oh I know the [TS]

  old yeah yeah there's always an old [TS]

  sometimes it's a prepper sometimes it's [TS]

  a skinhead [TS]

  there's always an old there's an old and [TS]

  he's standing around with a group of 26 [TS]

  year olds and he's like what's up fellow [TS]

  kids and the elder statesmen know fellow [TS]

  teenagers Yeah right and it's and it was [TS]

  a bad look and it was - and I remember [TS]

  those olds and they were probably 32 I [TS]

  know there was a guy in Tampa's name was [TS]

  Mike rat and he was an old school skin [TS]

  that punk rocker and he was it every [TS]

  show and he was like at the time he [TS]

  looked 60 he was probably 30 - yeah but [TS]

  I was 19 and I was like like well what [TS]

  what has happened what had [TS]

  happen was yeah styles changed so that [TS]

  now it's no longer that the olds are [TS]

  like trying to dress young hmm it's that [TS]

  all the Youngs are trying to dress old [TS]

  moment you know my mom laughs every time [TS]

  she opens a catalog because she's like [TS]

  every single person in here is dressed [TS]

  like you mm-hmm and I'm like no fair [TS]

  that's that's not a fair way to put that [TS]

  they come up they caught up with me they [TS]

  caught up that's right but the problem [TS]

  is now you don't have that shirts than [TS]

  you've had hot dinners you know same [TS]

  dinner but I'm not putting Manic Panic [TS]

  in my hair they're putting their they're [TS]

  putting like like old sauce on [TS]

  themselves right so do I look like an [TS]

  old that's standing around trying to be [TS]

  a young or do I just look like I always [TS]

  looked like that should change you give [TS]

  me a break kiddies I'm surrounded by [TS]

  ducklings that are wearing fucking [TS]

  better that are like carrying a hip [TS]

  holster pillboxes now because I talked [TS]

  about it on the goddamn show I'm taking [TS]

  NAD+ because I want as many Saturdays as [TS]

  I can get out of this life [TS]

  shit dog [TS]