Roderick on the Line

Ep. 270: "An Archipelago of Stops"


  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John how's it going really good [TS]

  that new Skype sound really bugging me [TS]

  though [TS]

  oh yeah the new Skype and it's got this [TS]

  weird like there's a break in the loop [TS]

  you would think that the loop would be [TS]

  you know likes its basic ecology that [TS]

  seems like basic computer maths yeah you [TS]

  got a loop just let it loop don't you [TS]

  don't have to I don't even know what it [TS]

  is yes um I don't know why but I somehow [TS]

  still have old Skype oh lucky guy 7.59 [TS]

  and I like hate it I hate them all but [TS]

  each one's worse so it's better than [TS]

  what it's the future will eventually [TS]

  give me I don't know how you did that I [TS]

  don't know how you kept seven point nine [TS]

  because it doesn't kind of automagically [TS]

  right yeah they forced me into 8.1 to [TS]

  0.2 Oh too many too many and now up in [TS]

  the corner of my computer it says [TS]

  upgrade to Mac OS hi Sierra oh no don't [TS]

  do that [TS]

  where did you come from I don't like you [TS]

  go away okay so you get sitting in the [TS]

  upper right it says upgrade its your [TS]

  options where you tell me what your [TS]

  options are [TS]

  well it says enjoy the latest [TS]

  technologies what are the two buttons [TS]

  though oh details and oh should I just [TS]

  click details memory serves ok it's Mary [TS]

  says details and install Oh almost every [TS]

  other notification on the Mac you so [TS]

  normally when you get one of those you [TS]

  probably know this you can grab it grab [TS]

  like the left side of it and scooch it [TS]

  off to the right side of your screen and [TS]

  it goes away yeah without having to [TS]

  click on it that's one of the very very [TS]

  rare notifications that you to for it to [TS]

  go away you have to interact with it [TS]

  well so I clicked details you know and [TS]

  it and it went away but the dim hall [TS]

  didn't offer me any detail [TS]

  it takes you to a page where it's like [TS]

  an area there's stuff and just benefits [TS]

  so that's so so I clicked a bunch of I [TS]

  you know I went onto the interwebs [TS]

  mhm and I said why should and then it [TS]

  autofill to I upgrade to High Sierra oh [TS]

  that could be the algorithm why let's [TS]

  see what I get why should see why should [TS]

  why should College be free oh why should [TS]

  we keep the Electoral College why should [TS]

  we hire you why should I worry let's see [TS]

  all right [TS]

  why should here why should oh no I just [TS]

  returned why should why should yeah why [TS]

  should we hire you is the first one what [TS]

  sets you apart from other candidates no [TS]

  no no why should we hire you fee [TS]

  why should we hire you estimated net [TS]

  worth why should we hire you over other [TS]

  candidates why should we hire you answer [TS]

  for fresher mmm-hmm why should I get an [TS]

  Apple watch [TS]

  why should college athletes be paid oh [TS]

  why should abortion be legal why should [TS]

  abortion be illegal thought that's what [TS]

  I get I didn't get anything about [TS]

  college being free yeah it's weird [TS]

  especially cuz it used to be that you [TS]

  could like there was a time when you can [TS]

  when Google first came around and fairly [TS]

  quickly overtook all the other ones [TS]

  there Wow [TS]

  this is really relevant where you could [TS]

  like send somebody you could say to [TS]

  somebody well I'm the number one return [TS]

  on Google or I'm on the first page of [TS]

  Google or here of course this is the [TS]

  correct answer because it's on the first [TS]

  page of Google and everybody's got it in [TS]

  the same position I think that's what it [TS]

  was for a long time and people still do [TS]

  that today where they're like oh my god [TS]

  check out check out my suggestions for [TS]

  blood of blood of blah like how do I [TS]

  find hand-tied porn [TS]

  what is hentai important is the more [TS]

  hentai porn like oh my God look all this [TS]

  hentai foreign stuff it's like dude [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  - well it's I why should I worry what [TS]

  happens to be quick on that I don't know [TS]

  I'll find out what should I worry [TS]

  Oh might because one time I googled for [TS]

  the lyrics to a hard day's night no why [TS]

  should I moon it's a Billy Joel song [TS]

  from the movie Oliver & Company which [TS]

  appears to be a an animated film oh and [TS]

  there's a dog with a necklace of hot [TS]

  dogs is that is that a movie that I [TS]

  missed loving company I don't think oh [TS]

  that one why should I worry [TS]

  oh she worries a song featured in [TS]

  Disney's Oliver & Company it's sung by [TS]

  Dodger song is a wonderfully upbeat way [TS]

  to introduce the streetwise dog from New [TS]

  York City um he'll tell a little bit of [TS]

  POV there one the Disney Wicky Disney [TS]

  wiki it's a comedy comedy drama on a man [TS]

  but also an animate okay let me say the [TS]

  whole thing yeah 1988 American animated [TS]

  musical comedy-drama film 1988 was the - [TS]

  oh here it is it's an it's a the film is [TS]

  inspired it features dogs with hot dog [TS]

  necklaces but it was inspired by Oliver [TS]

  Twist oh that's nice yeah that's nice [TS]

  did you have it you figure who should be [TS]

  the voice of dog doo Fagin torch song [TS]

  trilogy [TS]

  Oh Harvey Fierstein hurry fire spine [TS]

  hang on I'm not really quite awake yet [TS]

  I'm kind of awake I'm in same boat you [TS]

  know what you know what happened to me [TS]

  this morning [TS]

  no what happened well other than reading [TS]

  about the train crash that happened in [TS]

  my in my neighborhood another one who [TS]

  told you about it you were the one that [TS]

  told me you shit dog I'm sorry no it's [TS]

  all right I had been awake for [TS]

  11d seconds and you were like [TS]

  man that train crash am i right yeah I [TS]

  said I think I said that is something [TS]

  that Amtrak crash will sure fucked up I [TS]

  was like oh great let's see what this is [TS]

  all about and I learned a lot but also [TS]

  then I called I called an an auto [TS]

  detailer because you know I had a little [TS]

  bit of a truck fire last week I'm [TS]

  writing that down [TS]

  okay and I called this auto detailer [TS]

  because I because I was like hey guys [TS]

  the guy answers you know I'm like hey [TS]

  I've got a little bit of a thing your [TS]

  your truck detailing your car detailing [TS]

  place comes highly recommended by a [TS]

  friend of mine would you deal with a [TS]

  truck that had a caught on fire and then [TS]

  be the fire had been put out with a with [TS]

  like kind of the worst kind of chemical [TS]

  fire extinguisher he's like one of the [TS]

  surveys you can how would you describe [TS]

  your enthusiasm to clean up a little bit [TS]

  of a truck fire would you say you're [TS]

  somewhat super fucking pumped you know [TS]

  blesses bless his little heart yeah okay [TS]

  all right what do you say wait you set [TS]

  it up you kind of already yeah what are [TS]

  you gonna do you know like yeah you're [TS]

  you are a detailer right am i right [TS]

  that's right there in your it's right [TS]

  there in your thing and he's like yeah I [TS]

  mean you know we should probably do a [TS]

  test test on it to see you see how well [TS]

  our does it paints image no not that [TS]

  kind of truck fire the other kind of [TS]

  there's a lot of kinds of trial it's [TS]

  like that William James thing the [TS]

  varieties of a bit of a truck fire [TS]

  that's right and situation no that's the [TS]

  thing it did not it was a well it's what [TS]

  we call it in the business a - fire a - [TS]

  fire it was in the interior was an [TS]

  interior fire not the kind of fire [TS]

  necessarily that you want [TS]

  oh but there's really you know no truck [TS]

  fire that you're looking for it's not a [TS]

  thing where you're like oh I hope I get [TS]

  a truck fire today [TS]

  I don't know if you got a personnel like [TS]

  mine you're pretty excited to make a [TS]

  fire starting ah finally [TS]

  finally I'm here and I prevented it hey [TS]

  you know I did today I prevented a fire [TS]

  the fire I'm always worried is gonna [TS]

  happen [TS]

  did you please unpleasant please plug [TS]

  the hot glue gun when you're done it's [TS]

  very important no one's in the house [TS]

  right you're just you're just shouting [TS]

  this to the cast in this case the truck [TS]

  caught on fire as I was driving and [TS]

  unfortunately on the freeway which is a [TS]

  bad place but I was able to get the [TS]

  truck off the freeway and I was you know [TS]

  at this point I was going as my dad [TS]

  would say huckle T buck I was going [TS]

  huffily buck I was like we're fine we're [TS]

  fine everything's cool we're gonna this [TS]

  is no problem [TS]

  but then there was a guy that was on the [TS]

  ramp ahead of me that was going a little [TS]

  bit too slowly and that then I was doing [TS]

  that thing when I was talking to him [TS]

  like let's go buddy let's go let's go [TS]

  trucks on fire keep moving keep moving [TS]

  to get out of the way and I got around [TS]

  him and I got to a gas station slash [TS]

  convenience store or I often go for [TS]

  breakfast chicken strips practice [TS]

  practice chicken strips and I pull up [TS]

  out front and I run in and there's a [TS]

  woman stocking some juice and I said do [TS]

  you have a fire extinguisher and she [TS]

  said yes right this way and then [TS]

  proceeded to walk pretty darn casually [TS]

  to the front of the store go to the [TS]

  other end to the store and I was like [TS]

  come on come on come on come on come on [TS]

  come on just you could just tell me [TS]

  where it is you could just tell me where [TS]

  it is and but she walked me up there and [TS]

  she pointed at this thing that was [TS]

  mounted on the wall and I grabbed it [TS]

  like I was about to go put out a fire [TS]

  which I was and ran all the way like [TS]

  sprinted through the store like and it [TS]

  was it was really kind of war movie like [TS]

  I pulled the pin and threw the pin [TS]

  across the floor jumped in slow motion [TS]

  come out and so there's my truck with [TS]

  the door open and the you know the smoke [TS]

  just pouring out of the dashboard shit [TS]

  coming coming out of all the heater [TS]

  vents coming out of everything but no [TS]

  like I don't see like its it has not yet [TS]

  gone like and so I don't I want to do [TS]

  your story here but just so you're [TS]

  driving along and was there an open [TS]

  flame that you could see or was there [TS]

  smoke coming out well what happened I'm [TS]

  driving along I'm like what's that smell [TS]

  smells like smells like hot plastic but [TS]

  there's no plastic in my truck like [TS]

  there's hardly any plastic at all it's [TS]

  not a thing where it's like oh the thing [TS]

  is hot it's like plastic I never smell [TS]

  any plastic any obviously there's [TS]

  plastic in the truck but like hot [TS]

  plastic so I'm looking around and I'm [TS]

  like did did did the baby lean something [TS]

  up against something is there a vent [TS]

  blocked or something and then the hot [TS]

  plastic smell gets stronger and so I [TS]

  turn on the heater or I turn on the vet [TS]

  the the fan and roll the window down to [TS]

  blow the the hot plastic smell out of [TS]

  whatever it is and in turning on the fan [TS]

  then all of a sudden I get like burning [TS]

  plastic smell and and then just smoke [TS]

  starts pouring out of the the vents I [TS]

  would be so Huckle debuck at that point [TS]

  really moving at this point that is that [TS]

  is like contraindicated [TS]

  and move and move and move in huckle the [TS]

  buckin and then I and then as I move and [TS]

  so then I shut down the fan right [TS]

  because no thank you [TS]

  whatever that whatever that did that's [TS]

  not what I wanted but then too late [TS]

  buddy like whatever the thing however it [TS]

  is that you set your your truck on fire [TS]

  it's not going out just by turning the [TS]

  fan off [TS]

  so when I came out with this fire [TS]

  extinguisher I didn't read the fire [TS]

  extinguisher I was like is this one of [TS]

  these modern fire extinguishers or is [TS]

  this one of these ones that is like [TS]

  awful and I and I ball hit hit hit it [TS]

  and it was like oh no this is one of [TS]

  those awful awful awful awful ones [TS]

  because the fire extinguisher went into [TS]

  the truck [TS]

  and you know the like cloud and then it [TS]

  immediately like immediately went to [TS]

  every single corner of the truck and [TS]

  came out and felt like I had been hit [TS]

  with tear gas what's up and so I popped [TS]

  the hood because I don't know where the [TS]

  fire is coming from shot the hood it's [TS]

  not under them it's not under the hood [TS]

  it's not in the motor so I go back [TS]

  around the other side and and there's [TS]

  still smoke pouring out and I kind of [TS]

  hit it hit it again from the passenger [TS]

  side a - and as happens in things like [TS]

  this there's kind of suddenly a guy [TS]

  standing there who's just like hands in [TS]

  pockets guy who's saying but looks like [TS]

  looks like there's a little bit over [TS]

  there you should you know like check [TS]

  this one out over here and he's kind of [TS]

  spotting for me I guess and also kind of [TS]

  running a commentary like boy man I I'm [TS]

  a classic car guy myself so I've been in [TS]

  your situation before and I'm like huh [TS]

  haha he's like yeah I used to have a [TS]

  Volkswagen and had a it had a motor up [TS]

  in the front that was like a vent motor [TS]

  and it caught on fire one time but [TS]

  burned it to the ground and I'm like [TS]

  he's just kind of following me around [TS]

  like telling me all about all the cars [TS]

  he's had that have caught on fire you [TS]

  know and I'm in the middle of putting [TS]

  out this fire like this isn't a [TS]

  conversation we're having [TS]

  after those have a little focus to the [TS]

  situation well but it was it actually [TS]

  you know it was he was fairly helpful in [TS]

  that he was he was kind of pointing out [TS]

  like you know what if I were you I'd put [TS]

  it up and get it up under the dash there [TS]

  over on the left-hand side I'm like [TS]

  uh-huh thank you thanks very much he's [TS]

  like I think I see a little bit of smoke [TS]

  coming but then he's still filled he's [TS]

  filling in and he [TS]

  and what's funny is I don't think of him [TS]

  now when I think back at him I don't [TS]

  think of him isn't like an over [TS]

  talkative guy he was just getting all [TS]

  this information into a very intense [TS]

  little 10-minute period that we spent [TS]

  together yeah and he made me feel you [TS]

  know he made me feel good in in that I [TS]

  didn't burn the truck down but he also [TS]

  was the first one of what became many [TS]

  people saying oh man those those fire [TS]

  extinguishers are the worst [TS]

  well okay so Wow a lot of angles here [TS]

  well what was it about this fire [TS]

  extinguisher that was no good [TS]

  well they've improved fire extinguisher [TS]

  technology considerably and now they use [TS]

  fire extinguishers that just like throw [TS]

  a bunch of co2 on the fire and oh they [TS]

  like choke it yeah smother it with some [TS]

  other yeah with B with the for a fire to [TS]

  happen what you got to have heat you got [TS]

  to have fuel and you got to have oxygen [TS]

  oxygen [TS]

  you got a Robert of something and so [TS]

  these new fire extinguishers they're [TS]

  expensive mm-hmm which is funny because [TS]

  it's not like co2 is expensive I'm on [TS]

  Amazon right now but that's how they get [TS]

  yeah oh my god I know you know and so [TS]

  the co2 when you put out the fire it's [TS]

  it's very benign right just like whereas [TS]

  these old ones they're made with this [TS]

  sort of silicate kind of like tiny micro [TS]

  powder that's meant to go everywhere and [TS]

  it's meant to it's a good tool yeah it's [TS]

  meant to create this like oxygen-free [TS]

  environment by virtue of filling it with [TS]

  this kind of like yellow noxious silicon [TS]

  powder that is like caustic right it's [TS]

  like it [TS]

  it burns paint it burns your lungs it [TS]

  burns your eyes at [TS]

  and I mean it is everywhere in the truck [TS]

  if you go back to the very very farthest [TS]

  back corner of the truck and lift up a [TS]

  piece of paper it will be under the it's [TS]

  just you know whatever it's a it's a [TS]

  miracle substance but it also has done [TS]

  at least as much damage as the fire and [TS]

  if you I can't imagine doing it in your [TS]

  house you would have to have a hazmat [TS]

  team come in so whatever the cost of co2 [TS]

  fire extinguishers it's more than worth [TS]

  it and here's the bummer [TS]

  I had a co2 fire extinguisher that I [TS]

  purchased for this very reason yes [TS]

  because I'm driving a 40-year old truck [TS]

  and it was in the truck and I had been [TS]

  meaning to mount it in like that sort of [TS]

  cool dude way where you mount a fire [TS]

  extinguisher in the cabin of your cool [TS]

  truck sure yeah that makes him more like [TS]

  a boat it's so much more like a boat and [TS]

  and then I never got around to mounting [TS]

  it and then the fire extinguisher was [TS]

  kind of rolling around in the truck and [TS]

  then at some point I was cleaning out [TS]

  the truck to get ready to go on some [TS]

  trip or something called the whole my [TS]

  mom's new couch or haul some old [TS]

  refrigerator or whatever and the fire [TS]

  extinguisher got swept up in a big arm [TS]

  load of like oh that's a sweater and a [TS]

  couple of coffee cups and uh and for [TS]

  magazines and it's on your mind the [TS]

  thing on your mind is I gotta get the [TS]

  car cleaned out gotta clean out the car [TS]

  yeah and so I not having mounted this [TS]

  fire extinguisher I cleaned it out into [TS]

  a pile and the fire extinguisher is [TS]

  sitting in the barn right now so Dini [TS]

  get there no and as I was driving I was [TS]

  like I got a fire extinguisher it's just [TS]

  red should be right here it should be [TS]

  and I'm reaching where I should have [TS]

  mounted [TS]

  like it's right here it's sighs oh fuck [TS]

  it's not right there so I learned a lot [TS]

  of lessons but so I called the Detailers [TS]

  and I was like will you do this will you [TS]

  do this job I mean this is somewhere [TS]

  between car detailing and like crime [TS]

  scene mitigating yeah right so yeah boy [TS]

  you're you got your good it makes me [TS]

  wonder what's gonna happen next [TS]

  so you got smoke it's stinky in your car [TS]

  right mm-hmm stinky plus now you got you [TS]

  got fire extinguisher stuff right that's [TS]

  the two major things you're dealing with [TS]

  well the the what I consider to be the [TS]

  major thing that I'm dealing with is [TS]

  that there was a fire behind the - [TS]

  caused by something and so I took it to [TS]

  my guy my mechanic everybody's got to [TS]

  have a mechanic you know my dad my dad [TS]

  we have a 40 year old yeah Chuck my dad [TS]

  had a lawyer a secretary a mechanic a [TS]

  doctor a cardiologist an accountant and [TS]

  he knew all these people by names an [TS]

  insurance agent and he would go by their [TS]

  offices and he'd sit there and they'd [TS]

  see each other at rotary meetings I know [TS]

  he had an airplane mechanic he did have [TS]

  an airplane mechanic you know like he [TS]

  had his people he had his there was the [TS]

  woman at the film stop that delivered [TS]

  that developed his film he knew [TS]

  everybody and for me it's just like oh I [TS]

  got some stuff I send it off to somebody [TS]

  I get an email from there but I but I'm [TS]

  trying to build up I'm trying to build [TS]

  up these relationships I have to booking [TS]

  agents now but I do have a mechanic and [TS]

  I take the mic in my mechanic and [TS]

  actually I have two mechanics and both [TS]

  of them are practitioners of the style [TS]

  of being a mechanic that I really [TS]

  appreciate which is that most of the [TS]

  time their answer is that's not that big [TS]

  of a deal oh it's fine it will you know [TS]

  just I mean you could replace the timing [TS]

  chain but I wouldn't you know they give [TS]

  that kind of advice I love that kind [TS]

  which is like all right boy is it like [TS]

  there's like you know how I can [TS]

  in the world of environmental [TS]

  remediation you've got like a assessment [TS]

  and then you got remediation sort of [TS]

  it's along the lines of having two kids [TS]

  and you know one slices in one chooses [TS]

  you know you don't enrich yourself you [TS]

  know I'm saying you yeah my place I used [TS]

  to work we had a little more credibility [TS]

  in these kinds of things because we [TS]

  didn't do any remediation so we had [TS]

  nothing to gain by giving you a certain [TS]

  price tag for fixing it up [TS]

  I think you almost need two of [TS]

  everything you do you know well and [TS]

  because prisoner's dilemma you could do [TS]

  that with your cardiologist you could do [TS]

  that with your with your detailer you [TS]

  know I mean you tell me what do you what [TS]

  do you think about what they said what [TS]

  do you think about what they say mm-hmm [TS]

  my two mechanics are they fall into two [TS]

  categories one guy does not want your [TS]

  truck sitting around at his place mm-hmm [TS]

  he is doing a booming business of [TS]

  changing people's oil and like a [TS]

  printing press only makes money when [TS]

  it's running right and he's you know [TS]

  he'll throw your he'll throw your car up [TS]

  on a on the diagnostic thing and it'll [TS]

  come up with you know the computer will [TS]

  give him four codes where he's like oh [TS]

  you know it looks like your main bearing [TS]

  is out and he'll and the thing will go [TS]

  up and he'll like I mean he can take a [TS]

  motor apart he's know he's not a bad [TS]

  mechanic but he's just because you can [TS]

  do open-heart surgery doesn't mean you [TS]

  should yeah it's a park type situation [TS]

  he's got like three guys working for him [TS]

  and they're pulling stretching he's [TS]

  managing what he's doing is he is he [TS]

  walks around with a with a like a [TS]

  spelunker z' light on his head he he is [TS]

  he is ready he is a Palestinian and he's [TS]

  a member of a kind of very strange what [TS]

  I was considered to be he's like him [TS]

  he's a he's a he's Muslim but he's a [TS]

  member of a kind of apocalyptic second [TS]

  coming [TS]

  it's just the mechanic who's giving you [TS]

  the pitch in the past for something [TS]

  system the pitching mechanic bends you [TS]

  hear about the [TS]

  you need to get with yeah yeah yeah this [TS]

  is that's thought that's the one his [TS]

  name is Dan and he I mean that's not [TS]

  typically a Palestinian name but it [TS]

  might be short for Daniel or I mean I [TS]

  guess Dan is short for Daniel right it's [TS]

  not short for dama --then this episode [TS]

  roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  in part by Squarespace you can learn [TS]

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  visiting Squarespace calm so many things [TS]

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  offer code supertrain that'll give you [TS]

  10% off your first purchase of a website [TS]

  or domain our thanks to [TS]

  Squarespace for supporting roderick on [TS]

  the line and all the great shows [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  latte latte for Daniel all due respect [TS]

  I'm sure the guy does good work every [TS]

  time I see that I go wow that's the [TS]

  worst name I've ever heard Daniel tell [TS]

  you what the teeth his name's Daniel [TS]

  name Daniel Oh Jonathan so Dan believes [TS]

  he said to me the last time I was there [TS]

  because that you know he gets a look in [TS]

  his eye and I always know that that's [TS]

  for me to get going so he was like you [TS]

  know this whole Trump and Jerusalem [TS]

  thing I was like oh boy boy what what he [TS]

  said it's a great thing interesting [TS]

  because it brings the motherfucking [TS]

  Rockets yeah because they want they want [TS]

  the own everything do they they want the [TS]

  like Charles Manson they want things to [TS]

  blow up it's the same the world burn [TS]

  that's that's with n ice and I accused [TS]

  him of that I was like yeah then you are [TS]

  a Palestinian Muslim and you're telling [TS]

  me that Trump making Jerusalem the [TS]

  capital city of Israel yeah is a good [TS]

  thing for you because why and he's like [TS]

  because it's gonna bring the and I was [TS]

  like a stop right there it's gonna bring [TS]

  two-state solution like what bring [TS]

  riders on on white steeds what is it [TS]

  bringing and he was like uh and he [TS]

  starts to go you know he's like you know [TS]

  people are people are criticizing Trump [TS]

  but he's actually our guy that's like [TS]

  all right okay all right okay and he you [TS]

  know and he he pulls his pulls his speed [TS]

  lunker light up a little bit so it's not [TS]

  shining in my eyes [TS]

  really really really want to talk to me [TS]

  about you think you're the only person [TS]

  you think this is the first time this [TS]

  guy's a Salesman he's the salesman of [TS]

  the month he's been through there's so [TS]

  many times he knows how to overcome [TS]

  objections he knows to use your name to [TS]

  get you in the habit of saying yes is he [TS]

  selling you in Apocalypse yep now you're [TS]

  on the hook now you're asking what color [TS]

  is this apocalypse come in change the [TS]

  clutch on that Honda Civic and leave me [TS]

  out of your story and he but I love him [TS]

  you know I love him but so my other [TS]

  mechanic Clint does not care if my truck [TS]

  is there at his space he's he will do [TS]

  long form deep dives one time I took the [TS]

  took the truck to him and I was like [TS]

  something's wrong it smells like gas [TS]

  he's like hmm he got in and he was like [TS]

  it doesn't know like gas and he started [TS]

  to troubleshoot it and and he worked on [TS]

  it for a while and he was like well I [TS]

  checked the fuel tank I checked the all [TS]

  the fuel lines I'm under the hood I [TS]

  can't really get it to can't really get [TS]

  it to duplicate this problem and it was [TS]

  kind of hot and in the summer and then [TS]

  he left it alone for a day or two and [TS]

  then he came back and he was like it [TS]

  really smells like gas and I was like I [TS]

  know and oh and one time he was like I [TS]

  can't there's nothing wrong with it and [TS]

  I got in it and drove it for a day and [TS]

  then I came back and was like look I [TS]

  can't drive this thing it's like it [TS]

  feels like it's about to explode there's [TS]

  raw gas in it he took it back he worked [TS]

  on it for another couple of days and [TS]

  then he called me and he said I was [TS]

  working on your truck really trying to [TS]

  dig down on this and I you know I went [TS]

  in the back and there was a there was a [TS]

  gas can underneath a blanket in the back [TS]

  of the truck [TS]

  oh so that had been the source of the [TS]

  smell yeah it was a hot summer day and [TS]

  the gap is venting it was a bad [TS]

  situation Occam's razor right yeah [TS]

  and you know another truck had been with [TS]

  him for five days he was like you know [TS]

  no charge yeah but like what are you [TS]

  gonna say and I said I mean I said I'll [TS]

  give you 50 bucks so anyway I took it do [TS]

  you look at the dummy a surcharge can [TS]

  you hang on a second I just have one [TS]

  little question I need to answer here [TS]

  yes darling okay I can't wait to see it [TS]

  our CIA CIA our CIA good luck school is [TS]

  out yep so much so we are hanging out [TS]

  all day every day and she understands [TS]

  what podcasting is she has strands that [TS]

  dad has as his work but it's very hard [TS]

  to leave dad alone oh it's very hard [TS]

  last night last night I said I said okay [TS]

  girls I'm gonna go in the other room I [TS]

  got to get 10 more minutes in my [TS]

  meditation I'm gonna go in the other [TS]

  room so I'm gonna be meditating there [TS]

  I'm not ignoring you I'm doing the [TS]

  meditation and like before I could get [TS]

  engaged in this my daughter came in and [TS]

  asked me how to spell this related thing [TS]

  it's goodbye mindfulness practice has [TS]

  made it so this makes me not want to [TS]

  kick you out the window [TS]

  it's not a problem at all it's hard it's [TS]

  hard and you know a house a house [TS]

  becomes the child's we're getting off [TS]

  topic all right so you have two [TS]

  different mechanics who both might be in [TS]

  the same serial s town style series I'm [TS]

  seeing these two guys it starts out we [TS]

  don't know that they're involved with [TS]

  them we discover there is a link between [TS]

  between Dan and Daniel on the one hand [TS]

  we got the the austere guy over here [TS]

  with the he doesn't want you hanging out [TS]

  here he's got the headlamp and over here [TS]

  we got more like a guy who likes it's in [TS]

  a lazy boy and he'll get it done [TS]

  whenever [TS]

  right good and whatever and in between [TS]

  you got a man with the truck and his [TS]

  name is John yes and I sometimes I'll go [TS]

  hang out at both of their shops [TS]

  depending on what my mood is if I want [TS]

  apocalyptic like like evangelical Muslim [TS]

  guy I will go hang out with Dan and if I [TS]

  want to sit around cuz cuz thing about [TS]

  Clint is he's always got Dan never has [TS]

  an interesting car in there it's just a [TS]

  steady stream of Stalinism w's Toyota's [TS]

  you know like he's just running running [TS]

  them Clint will sometimes have like a 78 [TS]

  Camaro that looks like it was in [TS]

  somebody's backyard for ten years I'm [TS]

  like I'm like what's the story with this [TS]

  and he's like oh well this guy you know [TS]

  I gotta fix this thing up and and it's [TS]

  always something going on at Quinn's can [TS]

  I just ask [TS]

  roughly without too much identifying [TS]

  information about how old is Clint both [TS]

  guys Clint and Dan are about my aides [TS]

  okay interesting [TS]

  first Reid and this is my own prejudices [TS]

  check my privilege I would guess that [TS]

  Dan ├íthen that Dan was a younger man I [TS]

  would guess Clint was an older than you [TS]

  man but now this this you know there's [TS]

  not not that many older than us people [TS]

  at this point but that's in my head that [TS]

  I was imagining it Clint is old-school [TS]

  he was a bass player in a punk band he [TS]

  you know he came to me through some [TS]

  other hotrod friends I have a friend [TS]

  named Andrew who moved down to San Diego [TS]

  who has a who has like a 66 Econoline [TS]

  that's painted with house paint painting [TS]

  without a shine to it it's red on the [TS]

  bottom and white on the top and he calls [TS]

  it the Santa van he has put he has put [TS]

  probably conservatively $35,000 into a [TS]

  $5,000 van [TS]

  like they what this thing is a piece of [TS]

  garbage but he has been he babies it [TS]

  because he's a motorcycle racer so he [TS]

  puts his motorcycles in the back in a [TS]

  safe van Santa van is legendary among [TS]

  rock and roll guitar players and hot rod [TS]

  motorcycle jump er on the west coast cuz [TS]

  we've all seen Santa van we've all seen [TS]

  Santa van on the side of the road with [TS]

  smoke pouring out of it so he's like oh [TS]

  you got a you know you got to take it to [TS]

  Clint mmm-hmm when I first got my first [TS]

  jalopy and Clinton I all will sit up [TS]

  there and we'll just talk and and so oh [TS]

  so anyway so I take the truck to Clint [TS]

  and I'm like because I'm definitely not [TS]

  taking it to Dan and Clint's like here's [TS]

  his answer he has it for a day and he [TS]

  says well look I've been sitting in the [TS]

  truck I turned it on I turned the heater [TS]

  on high and other than blowing a ton of [TS]

  this noxious fire extinguisher garbage [TS]

  at me doesn't smell like smoke now so a [TS]

  bunch of burned insulation like isn't [TS]

  that like pretty legitimately having a [TS]

  stroke and then going like well it went [TS]

  away I must be good that was what I said [TS]

  to him yeah he said a bunch of burned [TS]

  insulation and stuff fell out from [TS]

  underneath the dash but I feel like I [TS]

  think it pretty much got it all out of [TS]

  there so I said don't you want to don't [TS]

  you want to like take the dash down and [TS]

  look and see what happened back there [TS]

  and he's like alright oh yeah curious [TS]

  man he is curious but he also feels like [TS]

  he's you know he's the one that he's [TS]

  kind of the if it ain't broke don't fix [TS]

  it and if it is broke yeah baby don't [TS]

  fix it because the risk assessment it's [TS]

  a way of saying like they like me [TS]

  famously with the the timing belt that I [TS]

  didn't fix in time [TS]

  Jerry been telling us for a long time he [TS]

  says look you got time you thought issue [TS]

  coming you don't have to fix it today [TS]

  but it's it's it's not gonna last a year [TS]

  and it probably won't last six months [TS]

  and when it breaks as my wife has [TS]

  reminded me many times in the years [TS]

  since when it breaks it's going to be [TS]

  very very [TS]

  costly and I was like yeah don't like [TS]

  we're good yeah [TS]

  see now find out a second mechanic and [TS]

  you know a third location if I'd had a [TS]

  Daniel or AD anathan who could go in and [TS]

  say you know buddy like seriously I'm [TS]

  down with Jerry two thumbs up [TS]

  replace the timing belt Yeah right or do [TS]

  you know the question is always like [TS]

  when this breaks is it gonna be at a [TS]

  time that is convenient to you or is [TS]

  this gonna break at an inconvenient time [TS]

  how many times when you're in your car [TS]

  are you just idly driving and thinking [TS]

  gosh that break I hope it's today yeah I [TS]

  don't need anything I don't need to be [TS]

  anywhere right now [TS]

  or is it gonna be a thing where you're [TS]

  like five minutes later than already [TS]

  it's kind of one of those biases like [TS]

  when people say like and I know this has [TS]

  been quoted widely but they used to say [TS]

  all the time hey you know be extra [TS]

  careful most accidents happen within [TS]

  five miles of your house and on the face [TS]

  of that you go whoa that's shit that's [TS]

  crazy it seems like accidents would be [TS]

  happening on the highway you're like [TS]

  well no like where do you spend 90% of [TS]

  your time within five miles of your [TS]

  house probably right right situation [TS]

  yeah and and in my case I mean [TS]

  everywhere in Seattle is my it's my [TS]

  backyard right so there's no place here [TS]

  where I'm like oh geez oh no I broke [TS]

  down over here because I'm sure I have a [TS]

  mechanic within five blocks up there [TS]

  who's who's like some rock-and-roll [TS]

  friend quite an ad-hoc staff going on [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah yeah well Clinton Dan [TS]

  right I mean all I need is to what I [TS]

  need is two executive secretaries one of [TS]

  them just to process my my my federal [TS]

  pension from when I apparently joined [TS]

  the Navy twice oh that's a different [TS]

  story that's a whole different story [TS]

  okay apparently my dad he joined the [TS]

  Navy ROTC when he joined the University [TS]

  of Washington oh he's on the books twice [TS]

  he joined us David Morgan Roderick [TS]

  similar to why I get double jury duty [TS]

  hmm I was accidentally registered at two [TS]

  addresses there it is so you're to [TS]

  Maryland ma'am that's why I was getting [TS]

  always with the jury duty so when my dad [TS]

  joined the Navy Navy so he didn't know [TS]

  the first time that that would qualify [TS]

  would qualify as this but putting that [TS]

  differently when he actually did enlist [TS]

  in the Navy yeah [TS]

  a way of knowing oh he was already in [TS]

  the Navy I see mm-hmm so then he joined [TS]

  the Navy as David Roderick or something [TS]

  like that [TS]

  David M Roderick and they have and he [TS]

  has two numbers so in me so in the 80s [TS]

  when my dad's secretary who who went [TS]

  above and beyond to care for this man [TS]

  said do you have what's your retirement [TS]

  plan my dad was like what do you mean [TS]

  I'll live forever and she said well why [TS]

  don't I figure out what your what your [TS]

  plan is she put all put together all [TS]

  this government service that he'd done [TS]

  and submitted it to the federal [TS]

  government to say you know he actually [TS]

  qualifies for a federal pension and the [TS]

  government came back and said well he [TS]

  was only in the Navy from 42 to 46 and [TS]

  my dad's like what are you talking about [TS]

  the Navy in 39 or whatever oh man yes [TS]

  and he had all this stuff where he was [TS]

  like look you know they gave me this [TS]

  commemorative cup just like under with [TS]

  the fact like that under your belt and [TS]

  it to you I don't think he would I don't [TS]

  think he would like lay that on somebody [TS]

  from the Veterans Administration but he [TS]

  definitely he definitely had like look [TS]

  there's a picture of me at the you know [TS]

  and so she went back and did all this [TS]

  incredible research that he never would [TS]

  have done and discovered this thing like [TS]

  oh you know you enlisted at this point [TS]

  and so now she's trying to deal with [TS]

  this enormous bureaucracy trying to like [TS]

  get them to go back to some Indiana [TS]

  Jones like filing warehouse uh-huh to [TS]

  find the two different files and meet [TS]

  them and call them one thing right right [TS]

  this goes back to the conversation you [TS]

  had many many years ago about how you [TS]

  don't like it when people call [TS]

  bureaucracy a bad when you don't like [TS]

  when people call it bureaucracy a bad [TS]

  thing right that like bureaucracy is [TS]

  what it fills manhole or fills potholes [TS]

  in Romania and what gets your dad's [TS]

  Indiana Jones papers found [TS]

  burocracy eventually if you can do [TS]

  if you have the patience and if you have [TS]

  the know-how and so she did it she [TS]

  managed to she managed to put this [TS]

  together and all of a sudden my dad was [TS]

  like wait a minute I can retire you know [TS]

  it had never occurred to him and so you [TS]

  know I need at least that if not then a [TS]

  second executive secretary that also [TS]

  cares enough about me to figure out you [TS]

  know to figure out like wait a minute [TS]

  you have five completed records here I [TS]

  do so I get so I call Clint and I say [TS]

  I'm gonna come get the truck I'm gonna [TS]

  take it down to the Accu tint guys who [TS]

  are going to the Accu tint guys who Adam [TS]

  Priyanka says are the best Detailers in [TS]

  town his fancy car right he does he's a [TS]

  car guy and he said look you're gonna [TS]

  roll it in there and these guys are all [TS]

  gonna gather around your truck and [TS]

  they're gonna laugh at you because it's [TS]

  that kind of place and they're gonna [TS]

  make you feel like you're dumb fire [TS]

  extinguisher problem is like the [TS]

  funniest thing they've seen in weeks [TS]

  scripts also get one of those that's the [TS]

  time with folks like there's gonna be a [TS]

  lot of there's gonna be a lot of [TS]

  high-fiving but they're gonna do a great [TS]

  job they're just gonna raise you and I [TS]

  was like look man I love getting hazed [TS]

  by dudes in in like boiler suits that [TS]

  have their name embroidered on it like I [TS]

  fucking love it oh that's a good roast [TS]

  if you're gonna get roasted it might as [TS]

  well via those guys I eat it up and the [TS]

  thing is I'm really good at standing [TS]

  there playing the dumb cock I'll just be [TS]

  like I don't know guys are just hooks [TS]

  and then they hit me you know from all [TS]

  sides and I'm like dog derp and they put [TS]

  a bunch of bars of soap in a pillowcase [TS]

  and they're nailing me and I'm like guys [TS]

  it's fun for everybody right yeah but so [TS]

  I so I call Clinton I'm like I'm coming [TS]

  to get the truck and he's like a problem [TS]

  I there's a slow bleed your battery was [TS]

  run down this morning and it shouldn't [TS]

  have been so I hooked up the I hooked up [TS]

  my electrical testers and I realize now [TS]

  that [TS]

  the electric rear window and the heater [TS]

  motor are both drawing power when [TS]

  they're off but also if I turn the truck [TS]

  off they both will work for a while and [TS]

  I said Nicholas this seems that seems [TS]

  important this seems important and he [TS]

  was like I think what happened is that [TS]

  some plastic insulation in the wiring [TS]

  melted and now there's some crossover oh [TS]

  yeah that crossover crossover so the [TS]

  thing is the whole time that he'd been [TS]

  saying seems like the problem fixed [TS]

  itself [TS]

  I had secretly been thinking and not [TS]

  secretly because I also said it to him [TS]

  out loud I think you should take the [TS]

  dash down and look behind it right to [TS]

  see what's going on and he was like well [TS]

  I mean you know sometimes things happen [TS]

  probably what happened is your [TS]

  insulation got caught in there and now [TS]

  it burned up and it's fine curious give [TS]

  him the man's job what an imperious [TS]

  attitude he has well you know he it [TS]

  wasn't an interesting enough problem for [TS]

  him no I think that he I think that he [TS]

  liked a lot of people and myself [TS]

  included feel like what can go wrong in [TS]

  these trucks it's only got five wires [TS]

  but I really you know I wanted that I [TS]

  wanted that - pulled down so now he's [TS]

  now he's curious and he was like this is [TS]

  interesting this is certainly a problem [TS]

  I can't send you out of here with but [TS]

  also like I want to see what I want to [TS]

  see what's going on now so I got to call [TS]

  the Accu tint guys back and say look [TS]

  dude's got a push [TS]

  I got a push back cuz Clint's going in [TS]

  and it's anything can happen day and as [TS]

  you and I were podcasting I got a call [TS]

  that popped up on my computer because [TS]

  for somehow my computer is connected to [TS]

  my phone and when people call me on my [TS]

  phone it comes up on my computer yes yes [TS]

  on my FaceTime [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  yeah I got a call from a damn my phone [TS]

  rings as I'm talking to you and it's Dan [TS]

  calling it's dan from community [TS]

  automotive and I'm like damn why are you [TS]

  calling me but I couldn't answer mmm [TS]

  podcasting they'll call them call them [TS]

  on the air [TS]

  Oh bad that's weird we shouldn't do that [TS]

  well no I dams not gonna care it'll be [TS]

  one more opportunity for him to explain [TS]

  that the apocalypse is coming it's good [TS]

  it's good news what happening let me [TS]

  give Dan a call okay hang on this [TS]

  episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by Casper learn [TS]

  more about Casper right now by visiting [TS]

  Casper comm slash supertrain Casper is [TS]

  the company focused on sleep and they're [TS]

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  our thanks to Casper for sporting rutter [TS]

  on the line and all the great [TS]

  and we're back right now dan has right [TS]

  now dan has the Jetta and so it sounds [TS]

  like the force has the Jetta all right [TS]

  here we go okay can you hear it ringing [TS]

  no all right it's ringing I can't hear [TS]

  it but oh you know you let me know [TS]

  hey Dan it's John hi buddy is that right [TS]

  what was it the ignition coil did what [TS]

  mm-hmm yeah [TS]

  three coils in the module okay [TS]

  - oh so fully two cylinders weren't [TS]

  firing well I'm grateful to you you're [TS]

  you're a special man yeah I know I know [TS]

  in and out and you didn't you didn't [TS]

  like you didn't damage anything that you [TS]

  need to you need to have it for a couple [TS]

  of days to fix it I'm kidding [TS]

  oh yeah yeah [TS]

  Wow well you're a miracle I'm gonna come [TS]

  see you in a couple hours all right fine [TS]

  oh I give him the business sometimes but [TS]

  he gives me a lot of sure you give as [TS]

  good as you get so it's fully fully two [TS]

  cylinders huh [TS]

  so the ignition coil you know the [TS]

  ignition coils got a little module and [TS]

  it's got three coils in there cuz it's [TS]

  six cylinder car okay and one of the [TS]

  coils had burned out and so two of the [TS]

  cylinders weren't firing and let me tell [TS]

  you when you're driving a six cylinder [TS]

  car that has two cylinders out it's not [TS]

  a it's not a smooth motor such a tight [TS]

  it's a Jetta yeah I inherited this [TS]

  that's a sedan that's a four-door [TS]

  supported or four-door Jenna but it'll [TS]

  call we had a Jetta for a good long time [TS]

  Oh your Jetta was amazing no I'm just [TS]

  sorry we have a different shadow this is [TS]

  a this was a Jetta but it's uh it's a [TS]

  it's a hotrod Jetta it's got its got the [TS]

  vr6 vr6 the vr6 which is it's a v6 but [TS]

  what makes it an R is that the motor [TS]

  isn't sitting in there like front to [TS]

  back it's sitting in there side to side [TS]

  no shit [TS]

  yeah v6 engine pr6 [TS]

  oh look at that oh my goodness look at [TS]

  that oh wow that's pretty in a little [TS]

  tiny Jetta which all Jettas are as we [TS]

  know pretty light pretty light that's [TS]

  right this motor produces enough [TS]

  horsepower that it makes the car very [TS]

  sporty it's a very sporty Jetta so it [TS]

  just looked you know on the road it just [TS]

  looks like a black jet it like hey black [TS]

  Jetta Shaima leymah hey Blake Jenna [TS]

  there's like four million black Jetta [TS]

  yes that's it was that was the car that [TS]

  everybody had around the time we bought [TS]

  that car but this one has the big hot [TS]

  motor so when some like on some [TS]

  ding-a-ling somebody steps to you oh [TS]

  yeah some M car comes pulling around me [TS]

  and thinks that it's like mr. guy please [TS]

  black Jetta can leave a lot a lot of [TS]

  people behind and that's not a thing I [TS]

  like to do all the time no it's but it's [TS]

  nice to know it's there it's like no one [TS]

  comes Fuu that's right it's exactly [TS]

  right [TS]

  I don't deploy it unless and generally I [TS]

  only deploy it against people who are [TS]

  behaving in a way that I feel as though [TS]

  that they need to be put back in their [TS]

  place you know who would benefit from a [TS]

  lesson that's right you know not you the [TS]

  one one knows and the thing is I wasn't [TS]

  worried about the Jetta the Jetta had [TS]

  kind of been sitting around because [TS]

  hitting because I encountered this [TS]

  problem I was like oh god what now so I [TS]

  said well I'll just drive the truck I [TS]

  felt like a cock you couldn't you [TS]

  couldn't couldn't burn rubber when you [TS]

  had to teach a kid a lesson kid just [TS]

  drive around on four cylinders in a six [TS]

  owner it's not a professor without a [TS]

  mortar board like what do [TS]

  doesn't feel polite that's right no way [TS]

  it stands now is Dan Ethan is working [TS]

  you're gonna go visit him today where [TS]

  are we with Daniel what's good so we're [TS]

  back now to the Detailers at this point [TS]

  well no so dama --then has the Jetta but [TS]

  it's ready okay and canula [TS]

  decided he needs to go deeper into the [TS]

  bent of the truck all right and the [TS]

  thing is school is out and so my little [TS]

  girl and I are here at the house and no [TS]

  car so oh boy [TS]

  so nothing can happen like there's no [TS]

  nothing but it would take you but it [TS]

  would be a long trip for you to go most [TS]

  places I mean you know it's like any [TS]

  time I don't live in New York City right [TS]

  so I don't just spend $25 on a car I [TS]

  understand I understand [TS]

  Star Wars well I could well here's the [TS]

  thing you know she's very into Star Wars [TS]

  but she's never seen any talk about that [TS]

  on a future episode of the show her [TS]

  interest in dark Vader well and I don't [TS]

  know whether yeah right she's very [TS]

  interested in dark Vader but I don't [TS]

  know I don't know what the best start [TS]

  maybe you can help me with this - I'd be [TS]

  happy to help you with this I have an [TS]

  answer and I have a solution what is the [TS]

  best path into Star Wars for a [TS]

  precocious six and a half year old girl [TS]

  how do you get there's no one who is not [TS]

  a monster who will tell you to start [TS]

  with anything but Star Wars 1977 later [TS]

  called episode four [TS]

  you should strike it I mean you could [TS]

  show her some of the cool there's pretty [TS]

  good cartoons like but they're not gonna [TS]

  be as meaningful as letting her be a [TS]

  get watching Star Wars now now we get to [TS]

  a thorny er situation which is which [TS]

  version do you sure [TS]

  oh ho so you could show her the 2000 [TS]

  whatever version but it's got all the [TS]

  junk in it that's the one where the [TS]

  death star explodes or the own really [TS]

  well there's like two two other versions [TS]

  but anyway the thing is here's the thing [TS]

  I have a version that I can share with [TS]

  you that is called the D specialized [TS]

  version what's the one where Han does [TS]

  what he normally does and shoots first [TS]

  that's the theatrical release that's [TS]

  most of the fan cuts it's any of the any [TS]

  of the humanistic normal ones that was [TS]

  added I think in 1997 I think but I [TS]

  could be wrong but I can get you a very [TS]

  good copy of what's called the [TS]

  despecialized edition which is where [TS]

  this person or group of persons has gone [TS]

  through to try and using the highest [TS]

  quality version a media of each like so [TS]

  for example like where the blu-ray is [TS]

  utterly unchanged from the theatrical [TS]

  release use that where the DVD version [TS]

  is all suck but you go down this cascade [TS]

  the laserdisc etc etc etc all the way [TS]

  down to like well you know there are [TS]

  some scenes where you're only gonna be [TS]

  able to use like this copy of a [TS]

  theatrical release not enough anyway [TS]

  it's basically as free and please don't [TS]

  email me I don't care but it's pretty [TS]

  close to there are other ones that are [TS]

  trying to deal with color grading and [TS]

  stuff like that there's all kinds of [TS]

  there's a whole community out there you [TS]

  don't want to get involved in no I do [TS]

  not but what I think is called the [TS]

  despecialized version and it is a very [TS]

  good quality version that's very close [TS]

  to the Star Wars we saw in the theater [TS]

  in 1977 that's my advice [TS]

  others would differ that's what I would [TS]

  say what I want I do not want any CGI [TS]

  Jabba the Hutt's yeah you walking around [TS]

  there's little puppets running around in [TS]

  Mos Eisley I don't want any of that I [TS]

  just want dinosaur just walking around [TS]

  no thank you [TS]

  I don't want burrito a shooting when he [TS]

  didn't shoot if you don't want fixed [TS]

  like when you're watching for it's kind [TS]

  of cool the way that like when Princess [TS]

  Leia is putting the the floppy disk into [TS]

  r2 there's a really terrible edit and [TS]

  there's a jump when he's walking down [TS]

  there's a terrible edit that I love I [TS]

  love that I don't ever want that taken [TS]

  out leave that edit it leave that at [TS]

  I don't mind not noticing the mats [TS]

  around the TIE fighters as much because [TS]

  I used to swatch it on a really [TS]

  oversaturated thing with the brightness [TS]

  turned all the way up where you can see [TS]

  them at around the time fighters but you [TS]

  know I I think mainly the thing is if [TS]

  you show her the fancy recent most [TS]

  recent like you know George Lucas [TS]

  version it's not the I'm so glad John [TS]

  siracusa doesn't listen this show um [TS]

  it's not the worst thing in the world [TS]

  but I would say just for your own [TS]

  satisfaction as a man you don't want to [TS]

  be a cook you were sure the non cook [TS]

  version thank you I'm gonna call it the [TS]

  specialized version which I will provide [TS]

  for you thank you thank you thank you [TS]

  and thank you fix your car situation [TS]

  what are you gonna do how you how even [TS]

  are you gonna get over to Dan Athens [TS]

  today I can be I can be totes over there [TS]

  either by because I have you know I have [TS]

  the the mobile car seat situation oh I [TS]

  can throw out your hand changing it I [TS]

  have beat myself up and beat up car [TS]

  seats car so the car seat is the worst [TS]

  thing in the world it's worse than your [TS]

  name Daniel arguably it's so I've cut [TS]

  myself literally cut myself bleeding [TS]

  there's blood on the wall down by our [TS]

  front door still from one of the times [TS]

  that I cut myself changing the fucking [TS]

  car seat you put it into that chamber [TS]

  again it's like dune you know fear is [TS]

  the mind killer you put your hand into [TS]

  that goddamn chamber and anything can [TS]

  happen who designed that yeah sorry it's [TS]

  a it's like in Buck Rogers in the 21st [TS]

  century you put your hand into the stump [TS]

  right what's gonna happen like one in [TS]

  three you're gonna die remember that [TS]

  Aaron gray remember her - I ever knew [TS]

  she was a massage she's perky well so in [TS]

  the truck at a certain point my little [TS]

  girl said I don't want to sit in a car [TS]

  seat anymore in this truck and I said [TS]

  baby you're a little kid you gotta sit [TS]

  in a car seat and she I don't know how [TS]

  she knows these things but she was like [TS]

  the truck doesn't have any safety [TS]

  features and I said what what's that [TS]

  sweetie and she said there are no [TS]

  airbags [TS]

  there are no there's nothing in the [TS]

  trunk so why should I sit in a car seat [TS]

  sounds like somebody else in the family [TS]

  may have talked to her about this that's [TS]

  what it seemed like - seems like little [TS]

  kids don't bring up airbags that often [TS]

  it sounds maybe more like one of the [TS]

  other people in your life is maybe talk [TS]

  to her about the truck safety features I [TS]

  think that she was listening in on a [TS]

  conversation between two adults oh [TS]

  really [TS]

  one of them said to another you know [TS]

  that truck doesn't have any safety [TS]

  features I'm guessing might be played so [TS]

  or maybe her Grammy and granddad were [TS]

  talking about it a lot of people oh [TS]

  that's so sweet and so she's looking at [TS]

  me with this this look of consternation [TS]

  and with her hands on her hips like [TS]

  let's not play around let's not say [TS]

  things we both know aren't true right [TS]

  like a car seat is there to protect a [TS]

  child in an environment where other [TS]

  things might happen like airbags and [TS]

  going off and other things but this [TS]

  truck is a deathtrap so why should I sit [TS]

  in a car seat security theater and I was [TS]

  like security theaters exactly right so [TS]

  I said all right if you sit in the [TS]

  middle in the back I'll just buckle you [TS]

  in and we'll pretend this never happened [TS]

  and so then immediately so we're driving [TS]

  around we're having a great old time [TS]

  she's not in her car seat [TS]

  she's buckled in I'm driving cautiously [TS]

  and then she rats me out I was driving [TS]

  in Daddy's truck without a car seat [TS]

  sickening [TS]

  yeah so now everybody knows Oh [TS]

  yeah so now everybody knows Oh [TS]

  oh waves this is huge you might as well [TS]

  have been smoking in front of her that's [TS]

  right so I so what I was gonna say to [TS]

  Clint while it was up there was why [TS]

  don't you order a bunch of new seatbelts [TS]

  playing fancy ass seatbelts and I think [TS]

  that it's too late to close that barn [TS]

  door buddy put them all in put them in [TS]

  the truck man [TS]

  you know what farcical number of seat [TS]

  belts in red yeah [TS]

  make them all red [TS]

  I want seat belts I want Ludacris seat [TS]

  is my baby and but I didn't have time [TS]

  for it because he's like oh well you're [TS]

  - fire now seems interesting to me yeah [TS]

  so baby steps baby steps baby steps is [TS]

  right but you'll have a nice day at home [TS]

  oh I wish I'd gotten you that star wars [TS]

  already you can be watching a star war [TS]

  it's great we uh you know I I like got [TS]

  the fireplace working again so we've [TS]

  been throwing some logs in the fire we [TS]

  decorated a Christmas tree that's nice [TS]

  and it sounds to me right now like she's [TS]

  working on her art projects so at a [TS]

  certain point though I'm gonna have to [TS]

  get her up I'm gonna have to get socks [TS]

  on her I'm gonna have to do this whole [TS]

  business and say let's go we're going to [TS]

  dance oh that is hard it's mine there [TS]

  has not been required to run enough [TS]

  errands in life and she considers it a [TS]

  terrible inconvenience to her all I ever [TS]

  did was run many errands with my parents [TS]

  I hated it I hated the errands that's [TS]

  what you do you don't get a treat your [TS]

  treat is maybe you get like a dumb-dumb [TS]

  or something that's your treat your [TS]

  treat is not that you get like a $30 [TS]

  Lego set I don't know how we got into [TS]

  this situation [TS]

  no sometimes at the bank somebody will [TS]

  give you a mint oh yeah yeah we get to [TS]

  play with the pen and make the chain go [TS]

  in a circle and all the things we did to [TS]

  amuse ourselves I don't know how we got [TS]

  here except that I'm a terrible terrible [TS]

  person knowing you and yours I'm [TS]

  guessing you don't have those kind of [TS]

  problems I well I have always been of [TS]

  the opinion that she needs to run [TS]

  errands for the exact same reason that [TS]

  you just said this is I it's so funny [TS]

  there's that louis c.k bit about this [TS]

  the reason [TS]

  the reason you have to do this is [TS]

  because you don't want to do this I [TS]

  laughed at that on one level whatever [TS]

  that was five ten years ago I left on a [TS]

  completely different level now because I [TS]

  find myself actually saying that I say [TS]

  the whole reason we're meeting is cuz [TS]

  you don't want to leave okay where we go [TS]

  you just have to go somewhere you don't [TS]

  want to go today it's very important you [TS]

  be somewhere that's inconvenient for you [TS]

  that's absolutely the case just a little [TS]

  teaspoon of inconvenience several times [TS]

  a week is very important when I think [TS]

  about my childhood it is just a constant [TS]

  like it's an archipelago of stops store [TS]

  so fucking boring Ben Franklin's or like [TS]

  now like I I mean I would just go in [TS]

  like like what is the most interesting [TS]

  thing I could find here I go to notions [TS]

  I'd look at zippers and buttons that's [TS]

  the look through the patterns oh look [TS]

  culottes [TS]

  jesus fucking christ my kid has to go [TS]

  somewhere to get something that she [TS]

  wants and she considers it an [TS]

  inconvenience yeah like I can't I I go [TS]

  back and think like what was the [TS]

  highlight what was the highlight of my [TS]

  afternoon spent with my parents stop by [TS]

  the park they never stopped by a partner [TS]

  and stop by a park that used to be a [TS]

  treat that was the distri was the treat [TS]

  was you get to go on the springy donkey [TS]

  that's the others treat the treat was [TS]

  sometimes my dad would go by this [TS]

  chinese restaurant where he knew the guy [TS]

  that owned it and we would walk through [TS]

  the kitchen and then he would stand off [TS]

  in a corner and talk to this guy had a [TS]

  job and did all of this yeah sociable [TS]

  creature he wasn't I have no idea what [TS]

  business he was transacting with this [TS]

  guy but but we would go there and [TS]

  sometimes we would leave with Chinese [TS]

  food sometimes we wouldn't but that was [TS]

  always interesting to go there the photo [TS]

  stop meant that there was at least five [TS]

  minutes of going through photos that we [TS]

  had to do when he came back in the car [TS]

  where he was like right this one's out [TS]

  of focus this one's that focus this [TS]

  one's picture the packs an old picture [TS]

  of our shoes dad your dad's famous like [TS]

  My Bloody Valentine album cover style of [TS]

  photography [TS]

  Finkle one dear or mom Yeah right or it [TS]

  was that you know like his his his [TS]

  ultimate style was oh my God look a UFO [TS]

  here John go over and get in the shot [TS]

  fuck you there'd be a picture of me [TS]

  slumped in the front photos with cameras [TS]

  and pho and and and real actual cameras [TS]

  and my phone for a pretty long time and [TS]

  I still have to remind myself there's so [TS]

  many reasons not to take a picture of [TS]

  the sunset I mean especially if you know [TS]

  you're doing it to go oh look it's the [TS]

  sunset okay alright yeah you know it's [TS]

  not bad but it's not great to like post [TS]

  pictures of the sunset like I don't want [TS]

  to do that too much but then that's just [TS]

  the whole idea that like given the focal [TS]

  length of a of a camera like the sunset [TS]

  does not look good it doesn't look the [TS]

  way it looks to the a spur to the focal [TS]

  length of your brain like right what and [TS]

  like when you oh the moon is so big [TS]

  tonight and you take a picture and it's [TS]

  just blur blur of a little white circle [TS]

  it's not nearly as big in the sky as it [TS]

  seems because of the way your perception [TS]

  works but we didn't used to know that [TS]

  you get you one 10 20 exposures you [TS]

  popped it into your Instamatic and then [TS]

  click click click click click click copy [TS]

  I'm saying well we we I don't know it [TS]

  even now because because I sometimes [TS]

  have to go through my photo archive and [TS]

  call all the pictures of the moon that [TS]

  I've taken happy it's absolutely the [TS]

  truth every time I see the moon and it [TS]

  looks really beautiful I'm like oh the [TS]

  moon and then when I look back at the [TS]

  photo it's like a blurry out-of-focus [TS]

  picture of a tiny white dog yeah and so [TS]

  it's just like delete delete delete [TS]

  delete moon moon moon moon I'm looking [TS]

  here last night I got a new app that [TS]

  I've been trying on the iPhone it says [TS]

  sometimes sometimes I'll set up these [TS]

  these odd Me's and seen these little [TS]

  like I don't know what you want to call [TS]

  it but I'll like set up in this case [TS]

  it's my very very large action figure of [TS]

  Michonne from The Walking Dead an index [TS]

  card and [TS]

  Thomas the Train train and not just I'll [TS]

  just send it to you it's it's very [TS]

  strange though the Sun and I'll do it [TS]

  I'll try and pick things we're okay in [TS]

  the case of Michonne I know she's very [TS]

  detailed and I want to see like how does [TS]

  it capture her her black person skintone [TS]

  how does it capture the like the little [TS]

  wrinkles in her pants with the index [TS]

  card I know this is a fine blue line [TS]

  this is a fine pink line how did that [TS]

  turn out and then I got a Thomas the [TS]

  Train because the lady trains a really [TS]

  cool train and then I got a quarter so I [TS]

  can see what a quarter looks like but [TS]

  then this morning I looked at it and I [TS]

  was like man what if somebody like found [TS]

  this out in the wild this thing that I [TS]

  have made here it looks like some kind [TS]

  of a very disturbing alter I just don't [TS]

  see context well you know I've been to [TS]

  I've been to your office I know that [TS]

  it's a very strange environment all [TS]

  kinds of you know all kinds of magical [TS]

  things might be lurking like black lady [TS]

  with a samurai sword how cool is that [TS]

  it's great and you do have like what's [TS]

  this what is the certificate on the [TS]

  floor oh okay so biscuits is halide and [TS]

  this is iOS and the quarter I move the [TS]

  quarter you know depending it gets to [TS]

  get the system so I could see which [TS]

  photo was taken was with which not a [TS]

  very good photo but well it's of curious [TS]

  to also that the the would finish yes [TS]

  our cat claws the wall yes my daughters [TS]

  at least a liquid there [TS]

  she's so Christmas which is which is the [TS]

  result of the well I mean what what [TS]

  caused the damage to the floor the [TS]

  liquid before the cat oh it's a liquid [TS]

  the liquid and what did she leave there [TS]

  some naphtha it's a very old house that [TS]

  would destroy the finish in that way it [TS]

  has to be have been some some amazing [TS]

  stuff what was it like mashed potatoes [TS]

  can I ask you a cliffhanger cuz we go [TS]

  we'll come back represents coming for [TS]

  Christmas Dan for the Happy New Year [TS]

  episode that are pre-recorded those be [TS]

  coming out Mazel Tov happy everything [TS]

  and everybody keeps asking and I'm just [TS]

  gonna leave it a cliffhanger because we [TS]

  probably have time to go into it would [TS]

  you going to tell us whether you have [TS]

  opened your envelope oh no in fact you [TS]

  won't tell us or you didn't open it [TS]

  well so my daughter's mother was over [TS]

  here the other day and she said she was [TS]

  in the kitchen she was like what to use [TS]

  this envelope and I said because she [TS]

  doesn't listen to those shows no and or [TS]

  or I think follow me on Instagram yeah [TS]

  and she said what's this envelope and I [TS]

  was like nothing and she said is this [TS]

  your college diploma and I was like no [TS]

  maybe no and she said because it was in [TS]

  the kitchen at this point it's very [TS]

  suspiciously I thought I've seen the [TS]

  photograph of it it is very suspiciously [TS]

  diploma shaped yep it looks very much [TS]

  like a diploma and you know in it and it [TS]

  is from the University of Washington's [TS]

  office of basically office of diplomas [TS]

  and she said she said you know what I'm [TS]

  gonna open this right now I was like [TS]

  don't you dare open Malaysia she said [TS]

  I'm just gonna open it and I was like [TS]

  hands off so I you know I had to like [TS]

  rescue my unopened diploma from her from [TS]

  her she I think shares the attitude that [TS]

  a lot of people on Instagram and on the [TS]

  internet I have which is open it oh you [TS]

  would not believe how much feedback I've [TS]

  got I've gotten on other shows people [TS]

  are asking me why did you not ask John [TS]

  to open the Diploma on the air yeah I [TS]

  have my reasons which is it's your deal [TS]

  this is your fucking deal I respect [TS]

  keeping the envelope closed in a certain [TS]

  way I've got to say I probably open it [TS]

  personally because I'm needy but I [TS]

  knowing you a little bit I think I [TS]

  understand why you would also maybe no [TS]

  one open it there's lots of reasons but [TS]

  it's really your choice what I expected [TS]

  was a you know like most things most [TS]

  controversial things that he post on the [TS]

  web you get about a you know sometimes a [TS]

  6040 spread but most of the time half [TS]

  the people are on your team right there [TS]

  the 50% that are like open it stop being [TS]

  such a blur yeah and 50% are like yeah I [TS]

  agree with you why don't you put it in [TS]

  the frame and put it on the wall or you [TS]

  know what you should do there are some [TS]

  people that are like why don't you just [TS]

  burn it but in this case when I put it [TS]

  the Internet I the responses were about [TS]

  92% openness I know and I was like [TS]

  what's the matter with you people that [TS]

  doesn't anybody like I mean like I get [TS]

  why but like its how does one say it's [TS]

  like let people have their deal you know [TS]

  somebody lets somebody have their deal [TS]

  maybe is there a chance that their deal [TS]

  in some potential universe is more [TS]

  important than your need for resolution [TS]

  in entertainment well I you know as I as [TS]

  I read all of these things and took them [TS]

  together as a hive mind experience I [TS]

  came to feel that most of the people [TS]

  were not saying like I want you to open [TS]

  it for my sake as a viewer they were [TS]

  saying this is what you need close such [TS]

  an important distinction is it is it [TS]

  because they want it opened or because [TS]

  they want you they think you'd be better [TS]

  off in life having it open [TS]

  my sense is that the people that listen [TS]

  to this program are people that [TS]

  genuinely care for the most part about [TS]

  us all of the people that listen to this [TS]

  program is kind of like sport hate or [TS]

  whatever the ones that were just [TS]

  listening to it out of I don't know what [TS]

  those people have self-selected to go [TS]

  away before I had a word yeah at some [TS]

  point you said something or I said [TS]

  something else where people were like [TS]

  that's us ever again ever again and so [TS]

  everybody else actually genuinely pretty [TS]

  much cares and I think there is a [TS]

  consensus that this diploma is us it is [TS]

  finally a like an open door where people [TS]

  can get just one foot inside and start [TS]

  to like rattle my cage a little bit and [TS]

  my psychiatrist whom I barely trust said [TS]

  to me the other day [TS]

  he's like why the only reason not to [TS]

  open that thing because after you and I [TS]

  talked about it I mentioned it to him as [TS]

  a component of answering his question [TS]

  are you happy are you happy I just have [TS]

  to be a yes or no answer Yeah right [TS]

  exactly like that no my answer is [TS]

  I was like what is happy but he said the [TS]

  only reason not to open the thing is to [TS]

  somehow deprive yourself of any feeling [TS]

  of accomplishment like what is it [TS]

  what are you keeping it for you're [TS]

  saving it for like a special day or are [TS]

  you just like not able to that's really [TS]

  that's an essentialist argument for [TS]

  opening an envelope I think so too but [TS]

  but I did definitely feel like there [TS]

  were very few people who were like I I [TS]

  cannot think of a single person online [TS]

  who told me to open the envelope [TS]

  who who meant me ill yeah everybody [TS]

  meant well and there then there were a [TS]

  few people who were like I agree you [TS]

  know never open it and I feel like they [TS]

  also wish me well they just share some [TS]

  mental illness with me fully mini yeah [TS]

  but but my daughter's mother was [TS]

  definitely in the camp of I'm just gonna [TS]

  open this right now and take this [TS]

  decision away from you and then you're [TS]

  gonna have this diploma that you're [TS]

  gonna have to figure out how to frame [TS]

  like it's just like it's tearing off a [TS]

  bandage kinda yeah and I was like unhand [TS]

  it mm-hm and she kind of like rolled her [TS]

  eyes which is a very popular form of [TS]

  expression around my house now yesterday [TS]

  my little girl decided that I was equal [TS]

  parts well what were the words baby [TS]

  equal parts out now she's very shy now [TS]

  she doesn't exist she's gone into [TS]

  non-existence about the the words worth [TS]

  equal parts like what was it it's [TS]

  something like fantastic and awful oh [TS]

  that's pretty good equal parts oh wait [TS]

  there's a sound coming from underneath [TS]

  this blanket what were the words Oh [TS]

  amazing and awful amazing and terrible [TS]

  that's what it was equal parts equal [TS]

  parts amazing and terrible I [TS]

  both amazing and terrible with no it's [TS]

  not like 60/40 it's like both amazing [TS]

  and terrible amazing and terrible she [TS]

  said I got a dressing-down yesterday we [TS]

  were walking around having [TS]

  daddy-daughter day and she goes okay [TS]

  don't think about it you have five [TS]

  seconds what kind of dog do you want and [TS]

  it's like oh well if success she's like [TS]

  you have five seconds one two three four [TS]

  five when I said pug listen and I know [TS]

  right exactly and then I go but it's not [TS]

  pug because there's it's very and she [TS]

  said has anyone ever told you that you [TS]

  have a habit of answering a very simple [TS]

  question with a very very unnecessarily [TS]

  long answer all right well I guess the [TS]

  bunny's out of the basket now out of the [TS]

  bastok so what happened detour well from [TS]

  her yeah no I didn't it's still in the [TS]

  kitchen though it's not it's sitting [TS]

  next to the coffee maker and now I'm [TS]

  worried that what's gonna happen is [TS]

  somebody's gonna spill something on it [TS]

  and then I'm gonna have a envelope with [TS]

  like a coffee mug circle on it yeah I [TS]

  don't want whatever's in it I don't want [TS]

  damaged even if it is has someone [TS]

  suggested online a list of her even if [TS]

  it's always like my unpaid University of [TS]

  Washington parking ticket all right [TS]

  that's a good week well I think yeah I [TS]

  think you did the right thing I'm on I [TS]

  mean I understand either way it's it's [TS]

  but it is your decision [TS]

  well yeah but but I have their deal [TS]

  that's all I'm saying there is a [TS]

  reasonable version of this story which [TS]

  is that this is a decision that I should [TS]

  be deprived of can I let me give up [TS]

  nobody fucking asked me but I'm gonna [TS]

  give up I'm gonna give a read on this [TS]

  and you can tell me to go fuck off but [TS]

  like my read on this is my read on this [TS]

  is it's not actually that difficult to [TS]

  guess what's in there right and if it [TS]

  were that difficult for you [TS]

  to guess what's in there you would tear [TS]

  into it on some level I think the truth [TS]

  is you know exactly what's in there and [TS]

  when you feel like it you open it up and [TS]

  you'll take out the thing that's in [TS]

  there because you kind of know what it [TS]

  is I don't think it's as mysterious as [TS]

  everyone wants to make it [TS]

  I think if John Roderick were really [TS]

  truly uncertain about what that was [TS]

  you would have torn it open by now I [TS]

  think you know and I think I think [TS]

  you're saving a treat for yourself on [TS]

  some level well I imagine that so the [TS]

  thing that I'm curious about is is it [TS]

  beautiful right and I think it probably [TS]

  is but the but everything you have [TS]

  should be beautiful or useful yep right [TS]

  but but i but the problem I think is [TS]

  well first of all like my psychiatrist [TS]

  as he's telling me like you should open [TS]

  it he points to his wall and he's like [TS]

  look I opened all night oh needy I am [TS]

  and he has like seven diplomas on the [TS]

  wall like you're worried I won't believe [TS]

  you or something like what are you doing [TS]

  yeah every test he's ever passed like oh [TS]

  you know here I gotta wait and and this [TS]

  was true of my Millennium girlfriend [TS]

  also had like a bunch of diplomas a lot [TS]

  of different diplomas I like her a lot [TS]

  but but I'm just sitting saying ugh [TS]

  because like I there's something about I [TS]

  see something of myself and that and [TS]

  it's like the ex-smoker problem where [TS]

  I'm like Shh don't do that don't do that [TS]

  stop with somebody you know what here [TS]

  here's oh here's something for free [TS]

  celebrity Twitter how about this how [TS]

  about when somebody dies your fake [TS]

  eulogy you post is not include a selfie [TS]

  with that person stop doing that you [TS]

  know the dead guy that's fucking great I [TS]

  just want to say what an honor it was to [TS]

  be interviewed by them after nobody knew [TS]

  who they were anymore yeah do that [TS]

  stop doing that that's not that's not [TS]

  classy and like having all your diplomas [TS]

  on the wall as a fucking doctor is so [TS]

  not classy instead if it was dan dan [TS]

  Ethan and Daniel and they had some [TS]

  certifications that they've been through [TS]

  like different kinds I think that makes [TS]

  a lot more sense I think if you've got a [TS]

  restaurant and there's not shit in the [TS]

  food you have every reason to put up an [TS]

  A or a 100 but like if you're a [TS]

  professional like that's so needy [TS]

  it's that rose they all do it it's part [TS]

  of you [TS]

  you have to be you have some kind of [TS]

  imposter syndrome where you have to be [TS]

  reminded that this very very large piece [TS]

  of vellum proves that like you're worthy [TS]

  in the world and it's like Oh God like [TS]

  what are you five it's just in the [TS]

  fashion it's their fashion you know you [TS]

  walk in and you look at the stuff on the [TS]

  wall and you're like no nothing a lab [TS]

  coat and they got that they got the [TS]

  fucking stethoscope I get is a little on [TS]

  the nose like mainly that looks like [TS]

  somebody in a pharmaceutical ad it [TS]

  caused me to reflect and this happened [TS]

  this was this got doubled down on [TS]

  yesterday mm-hmm [TS]

  because I think I told you but one of [TS]

  the listeners of our program and I think [TS]

  a longtime fan of Merlin Mann all the [TS]

  way back to tech work pod weekly oh sure [TS]

  tech work blog weekly yeah yeah check [TS]

  pod work weekly or whatever that was [TS]

  where you this week in tech pod this [TS]

  working working what this American [TS]

  workplace miss this pod whatever you [TS]

  were very early on the Internet [TS]

  I mean before most people even knew what [TS]

  it was and there were a lot of people [TS]

  that found you then because there were [TS]

  only 45 people on the internet and they [TS]

  all found each other but at that time [TS]

  this person who who is what would you [TS]

  say a military academic Jesus fucking [TS]

  idea yeah a person who a young gentleman [TS]

  was and I you know I don't want to out [TS]

  him except to say that he that he is be [TS]

  as a real life person real life person [TS]

  in the military yeah [TS]

  his name is Colonel Kaplan okay he was [TS]

  the head of the history department [TS]

  he was the you know the chair of the [TS]

  history department at the Air Force [TS]

  Academy oh my god and now teaches at the [TS]

  Army War College and is teaching like [TS]

  strategic and and does all kinds of like [TS]

  you know military thinking [TS]

  and this is this is um do you ever get [TS]

  that if you ever dig out that area in [TS]

  the desert you know I'm talking about oh [TS]

  sure yeah this this is a fellow you're [TS]

  gonna want on your side he's gonna be [TS]

  able to tell you how much to move Dick [TS]

  Cheney's furniture every night [TS]

  he's already on our side okay okay a lot [TS]

  of people there are a lot of people who [TS]

  to who come to this program and and who [TS]

  have made their way to me who came [TS]

  through you who listened to Roderick on [TS]

  the line yeah you're familiar with the [TS]

  other guy yeah who came through Merlin [TS]

  ham I'm I would say a lot of people a [TS]

  lot wow that's amazing it's almost like [TS]

  I've done stuff on the internet no pause [TS]

  yeah right right yeah that's a crazy [TS]

  you're still the thing is you're still I [TS]

  gave you your first internet site and I [TS]

  know got you to have a show that before [TS]

  times yeah okay all right so with you [TS]

  with your car your doctor well so [TS]

  Colonel Kaplan invites me are it's not [TS]

  quite an invitation he proposed me he [TS]

  submitted me to go to the national [TS]

  security seminar which is a seminar at [TS]

  the Army War College every year right [TS]

  before the new crop of Army and Navy Air [TS]

  Force Marines like kernel-level war [TS]

  fighters graduate from this college [TS]

  where they're taught to thinks strategic [TS]

  they have some civilians come in to talk [TS]

  about big ideas right like the the use [TS]

  of the use of military power in the [TS]

  geopolitical sphere and they may [TS]

  intentionally want people that don't [TS]

  have military backgrounds they want [TS]

  people from a wide variety of civilian [TS]

  life who are interested in talking about [TS]

  that stuff which is me I'm a good [TS]

  example of a person like that is [TS]

  overqualified yeah who wants to sit with [TS]

  a bunch of Colonels and talk about how [TS]

  to use American power or or in my case [TS]

  when not to use American power so he [TS]

  proposes me and he's like you got to go [TS]

  online and fill out this this thing you [TS]

  tell him who you are and so forth [TS]

  because he's like although I recommend [TS]

  you as a as a member of the faculty [TS]

  it gets decided by some but some people [TS]

  at the army and I don't even know who [TS]

  they are okay so I go online and I'm [TS]

  filling out this thing like who are you [TS]

  what do you do and I'm like I'm this guy [TS]

  I do these things and then there's a [TS]

  whole section of it that says why don't [TS]

  you list all of your awards and like [TS]

  diplomas and awards and other you know [TS]

  all of them if you have one for instance [TS]

  like the the like Legion to honor or [TS]

  whatever right if you if you have if [TS]

  you've been awarded the iron claws with [TS]

  iron cross with Diamonds you know put it [TS]

  here and I'm like I'm thinking and I'm [TS]

  thinking I'm like oh my god you know [TS]

  what I don't have any awards so no one's [TS]

  ever given me an award so I've never [TS]

  we've never won a phoney award no I [TS]

  don't think I've been nominated never [TS]

  been even but nominee if you're phony [TS]

  words existed we should at least have [TS]

  been nominated but then having invented [TS]

  the award that we haven't been nominated [TS]

  for right I'm singing it for foreign [TS]

  Grammy I've never been you know and so [TS]

  I'm thinking like what are my awards I [TS]

  the Seattle Weekly gave me a plaque back [TS]

  in 2005 [TS]

  no no I'm sorry 2011 okay that gave me a [TS]

  gimme a gave me a plaque that said tweet [TS]

  of the year last night [TS]

  tweeter of the year Wow I have a thanks [TS]

  for your service certificate from the [TS]

  the Recording Academy for the eight [TS]

  years I was on the board and so I come [TS]

  up with what I put there was I was King [TS]

  Neptune oh that's that that's a hell of [TS]

  an honor but you're hopping like [TS]

  basically redefine the role of King [TS]

  Neptune it's the only honor I've ever [TS]

  received - I'll have what if somebody [TS]

  said what are your honors like what are [TS]

  the things that you would put up there [TS]

  for you like Mac tech pod weekly year [TS]

  I've done that and it's awful it's awful [TS]

  and it's Hollow and I'm sorry I'm gonna [TS]

  be holding the Holden Caufield for a [TS]

  minute anybody who's been pressed by [TS]

  that yeah am I allowed to curse can your [TS]

  daughter hear this [TS]

  know anybody who's impressed by stuff [TS]

  like that can suck a bag of dicks yeah I [TS]

  don't I don't acknowledge this it's [TS]

  gross it's so gross I mean like I've [TS]

  like done stuff I've been places and I [TS]

  see any place that I've ever done that [TS]

  and all I see is neediness it isn't it [TS]

  isn't I mean yes in some ways it is it's [TS]

  sort of like the whatever the the Brooks [TS]

  Brothers suit or whatever that you wear [TS]

  on Wall Street right it's the [TS]

  stethoscope it's the thing that shows [TS]

  your bona fides it's sound like a Super [TS]

  Bowl ring or something like that it's a [TS]

  way it's a chunking mechanism for being [TS]

  able to say okay you're allowed into [TS]

  this this far into the into the [TS]

  celebrity area of the greenroom but not [TS]

  any further than that and like I just [TS]

  I'm sorry I don't think mechanism though [TS]

  I'm really Cuban on that but here's part [TS]

  of the problem is also that like I [TS]

  reject this is a very back to work it's [TS]

  another podcast idea was a very back to [TS]

  work point but I reject the Nair the [TS]

  narrative that life is about a series of [TS]

  arrivals because I think that's a [TS]

  terrible way to think about life for so [TS]

  many reasons and so I think people who [TS]

  can quickly conjure up all of this [TS]

  things first of all it might be for a [TS]

  professional reasons it's a very [TS]

  LinkedIn kind of thing to be able to say [TS]

  I had [TS]

  this position there and I won this award [TS]

  there and it's like you know I was able [TS]

  to like resume bullet points if I [TS]

  doubled revenue by beetle EDD but you [TS]

  know and that got me the you know [TS]

  salesman of them but like I just feel [TS]

  like all of those things encourage not [TS]

  only encourage that narration to stay [TS]

  alive that narrative about arrivals not [TS]

  only encourages that to stay alive it's [TS]

  more fuel for that fire but it also [TS]

  makes tenth every time you do that [TS]

  10,000 people feel shitty about who they [TS]

  are because they don't have that stuff [TS]

  and they shouldn't and then they [TS]

  shouldn't and I don't want to [TS]

  participate in that and it bugs me and [TS]

  when people get into that stuff and they [TS]

  want tell me about who they've met this [TS]

  famous and stuff like that and all this [TS]

  all this like a multi-level plateau shit [TS]

  about like what your what you've done in [TS]

  life I run the other way cuz I mean like [TS]

  those things that I'm happy that I've [TS]

  done in life there's things I'm not [TS]

  happy about but like I don't know if you [TS]

  call them achievements but like how do I [TS]

  say I started a website that very [TS]

  quickly accidentally became [TS]

  well-regarded amongst people I respect [TS]

  who had no idea who I am it certainly [TS]

  was well there's not a name for that [TS]

  award and who cares these folders award [TS]

  well but see it but the point of that is [TS]

  that's for me the month is for me that's [TS]

  not for you if I if I make that feeling [TS]

  for you I'm bragging and I'm not [TS]

  bragging I'm just saying like that I [TS]

  felt I felt a really good feeling when [TS]

  when that became a some one indisputable [TS]

  fact and it didn't last forever it's not [TS]

  a piece of paper that's a moment and you [TS]

  appreciate that the same way you'd [TS]

  appreciate a walk in the park with your [TS]

  kid so anyways I don't know what I would [TS]

  say I would say that I've got a [TS]

  bachelor's degree I would say I've done [TS]

  thus and such sort of work for thus and [TS]

  such long I might say something like I [TS]

  might name drop a phrase or two that I [TS]

  am associated with but then what does [TS]

  that mind me so I don't know what I [TS]

  would put on that form before the [TS]

  colonel Colonel Kaplan is that right [TS]

  yeah inbox zero no it's all good so what [TS]

  did you put on the form the good word is [TS]

  not enough you got to fill out the form [TS]

  so I get them to sign on the line that [TS]

  is dotted what did you say what are your [TS]

  achievements well I thought about like [TS]

  saying hijack your show for a while [TS]

  there sorry about that [TS]

  at one point in 2006 I think that my [TS]

  album was just under the top ten of the [TS]

  indie charts you know somewhere around [TS]

  12 my dad once in CMJ that made me not [TS]

  two years we were on the same page as [TS]

  archers of loaf bacon right yes and but [TS]

  I mean that that made me happy for so [TS]

  long um well I can imagine I mean I [TS]

  remember nobody it was just luck but [TS]

  that's the kind of thing we were like [TS]

  there's no name for that award but if I [TS]

  put that on a piece of paper would be [TS]

  the saddest thing in the world that's [TS]

  for me that's not for you right and the [TS]

  thing is I couldn't put that there and [TS]

  but what it what it occurred to me well [TS]

  I mean what I realized you know because [TS]

  that just recently I saw that picture of [TS]

  Barbra Streisand famous picture of [TS]

  Barbra Streisand sitting in a chair in [TS]

  her room that is full of Grammys and [TS]

  Oscars yeah and other awards you know [TS]

  like whatever the Nestene 60 Grammys [TS]

  surprised because there because we live [TS]

  in a culture where the word there's been [TS]

  this award inflation where everybody [TS]

  gets an award right that's what they say [TS]

  but I nobody's ever given me an award [TS]

  and I don't want a fake award I mean I [TS]

  would accept a phony because we invented [TS]

  it but and there should be phony Awards [TS]

  but threatening to do that but Australia [TS]

  talks a big game [TS]

  they sure do people threaten all the [TS]

  time to do interesting things and then [TS]

  they don't do them that's true but likes [TS]

  you know all this business of Seattle [TS]

  like Oh Seattle is so nice to me or [TS]

  whatever and they keep doing all these [TS]

  things but I did I I guess I did get a [TS]

  certificate that said you are King [TS]

  Neptune and had a gold star on it but [TS]

  I'm not sure I so anyway I did I all [TS]

  opposed King Neptune you sound like you [TS]

  might have some kind of like Napoleon or [TS]

  as you say Bonaparte [TS]

  complex I was King Neptune I had to try [TS]

  it well right because that's that mean [TS]

  that doesn't mean anything to them that [TS]

  sounds like some kind of that you know [TS]

  they don't realize the full stature of [TS]

  King Neptune like I say that you're [TS]

  helping to really redefine the role I [TS]

  mean how many times people can you [TS]

  really say honestly I've not only been [TS]

  King but help redefine what we mean by [TS]

  King right right well and and I don't [TS]

  I'm not the thing is I'm not sure if you [TS]

  because I submitted this application [TS]

  completely sincerely but I'm not sure if [TS]

  you work for the army of whether or not [TS]

  you're gonna read my resume and think [TS]

  this is a joke question your judgment a [TS]

  little bit what right like oh you're a [TS]

  civilian who's been proposed by one of [TS]

  our faculty to come to this thing and [TS]

  you and your resume is you're in a band [TS]

  your subway car really material for this [TS]

  particular gust occasion yeah right so [TS]

  let me get this straight we're gonna [TS]

  have people come in here from [TS]

  universities and think tanks I'm gonna [TS]

  read that off a car yeah but also to say [TS]

  this is a old friend of mine john [TS]

  roderick he had some podcasts a podcast [TS]

  is something to listen to so he recently [TS]

  kinking up to that's pretty we came for [TS]

  that's right Seattle's King Neptune he [TS]

  once did a series of short films for [TS]

  visit Seattle yeah and see you guy yeah [TS]

  he invented an award called the phony [TS]

  award which he hasn't won his father's [TS]

  45 yeah that's right he once had lunch [TS]

  on the USS Kentucky but no one there [TS]

  will a vow that he was there because [TS]

  yeah that's right have you ever heard of [TS]

  a me man well he's friends with her the [TS]

  video game the song at the end of the [TS]

  video game that's a close personal [TS]

  friend of mine yeah that guy hazel [TS]

  friend I've been on oh yeah I wanted [TS]

  seven times Joe [TS]

  cruising people that was the other thing [TS]

  there were a couple of things I tried to [TS]

  put on there and the only thing I could [TS]

  say about myself was attendee [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]