Roderick on the Line

Ep. 259: "My Dump Buddy"


  [Music] [TS]

  hello hey John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good good I just texted you and I said [TS]

  good to go and you responded real real [TS]

  real good to go you've been traveling a [TS]

  lot lately have you been picking up new [TS]

  internet jargon uh well you know you [TS]

  wouldn't have to be travelling to pick [TS]

  up new internet Johnsons it's a very [TS]

  very good point but but the provincial [TS]

  thinking that I bring to this [TS]

  conversation well I know you also think [TS]

  that the internet is in person and that [TS]

  when you go around you're just seeing [TS]

  different Internet's yeah I mean you [TS]

  know corporations could be people yeah [TS]

  of course yeah plants can be people have [TS]

  a plan so how's it going all right [TS]

  oh yeah pretty much have we not talked [TS]

  in a long time surely you've not talked [TS]

  in a long time it seems like a long time [TS]

  um I'm gonna come up with a name for how [TS]

  I find out whether you're recording or [TS]

  not and it's a lot it's a process [TS]

  mm-hmm involves me texting you texting [TS]

  members of your family and your circle [TS]

  mm-hmm is John okay it's gone okay [TS]

  that's a popular text yeah I mean you [TS]

  ghost me sometimes which is normal but [TS]

  like I hadn't heard from you in a while [TS]

  and I was getting a little bit frantic [TS]

  cuz I had to do a little bit of a risk [TS]

  edge [TS]

  yeah and I was getting worried when it [TS]

  started I texted your baby mama I was [TS]

  looking at your Instagram because [TS]

  sometimes sometimes I can get a little [TS]

  bit Sherlock Holmes and I can gather the [TS]

  facts if I see see that you're on the [TS]

  East Coast on a Sunday night then [TS]

  sometimes it's a clue but I like to get [TS]

  confirmation from the source as they say [TS]

  in journalism but you had an extra [TS]

  wrinkle you don't need to address that [TS]

  but but the other wrinkle is which you [TS]

  of course you could I think your phone [TS]

  broke I broke my phone oh Jesus it [TS]

  actually I think that it saved me save [TS]

  me considerable injury I'm not sure how [TS]

  but the the amount of energy that it [TS]

  absorbed if it had not absorbed it it [TS]

  would have been absorbed by my body and [TS]

  Amyx John is that how that works oh that [TS]

  is a you know like I've thought about [TS]

  this quite a bit yeah is that exactly [TS]

  true or did it just but no the damage [TS]

  that it sustained it didn't just [TS]

  transfer the the energy directly through [TS]

  itself into me [TS]

  you see there's there's physical damage [TS]

  but then there's a deeper kind of [TS]

  Newtonian whack Amole that goes on here [TS]

  I'm wondering right I mean I am NOT a [TS]

  scientist no right although I play one [TS]

  on TV [TS]

  me too yeah but yeah surely if it was if [TS]

  I had fallen on a phone shaped piece of [TS]

  like hardened steel I think that that [TS]

  phone shaped piece of hardened steel [TS]

  would have done a better job of [TS]

  communicating the the energy the [TS]

  destructive energy of of my fall just [TS]

  directly into my body but this phone [TS]

  crushed and bent in a way I've never [TS]

  seen it phone I mean I'm surely surely [TS]

  on the internet there are websites just [TS]

  showing pictures of destroyed phones and [TS]

  mine belongs on there are you burying [TS]

  the lede here did you fall down go boom [TS]

  I did yeah I bet John I felt the dump no [TS]

  are you serious this is real yeah I you [TS]

  know the dump is very so the new dump [TS]

  and this is your enemy John Michael no I [TS]

  love the dump but the dump the dump has [TS]

  a very greasy floor hmm and I got greasy [TS]

  grease on my boots and then I climbed up [TS]

  on this trailer and the trail and I was [TS]

  standing on the it was a dumper a dumper [TS]

  trailer as they say I climbed up on the [TS]

  fender of the dumper and the dumper was [TS]

  all the way in the dump position so I'm [TS]

  on the fender trying to reach up and get [TS]

  the garbage out of the very top of the [TS]

  dumper and the and my boots just slid [TS]

  out because the because Oh what was [TS]

  happening was my partner was like I'm [TS]

  gonna move [TS]

  truck and he got in the he got in the [TS]

  driver's seat and I was like okay do I [TS]

  stay up here while he moves it it's [TS]

  gonna shake or do I like kind of climb [TS]

  down and in that moment a lot to cover [TS]

  first of all your partner is your dumb [TS]

  partner my dumb partner okay okay it's [TS]

  not your business partner or your [TS]

  special friend no no a dump pal okay you [TS]

  got a dump buddy so you and your dump [TS]

  buddy are you dropping off we're not [TS]

  picking up okay well you know yeah like [TS]

  you've never done that like you've never [TS]

  picked up something on the way out [TS]

  well sure but sure of course I have but [TS]

  you would have to be there to drop off [TS]

  in order to be there to pick up you know [TS]

  you wouldn't just go there for window [TS]

  shopping Goodwill no then this is a [TS]

  proper dump it's not just like a take [TS]

  your old stereo down and leave it by the [TS]

  side of a thing it's like no no no [TS]

  people are dumb the reason the floor is [TS]

  so greasy is people are obviously [TS]

  dumping a bunch of grease and other [TS]

  garbage volunteer so anyway my feet fly [TS]

  out from under me and I and it's a [TS]

  situation at this point where I am my [TS]

  ass is six to eight feet above the [TS]

  cement floor oh no is it covered areas [TS]

  it is in a covered area Oh hence the [TS]

  grease and the car I get it okay and [TS]

  there are bulldozers driving around and [TS]

  city dump trucks driving around [TS]

  everybody's driving around real fast and [TS]

  I start to fall and I'm like well that's [TS]

  it for me because if I I had no control [TS]

  right I realize oh shit yeah my feet [TS]

  were gone so I was a severed saddle [TS]

  Passover Tico there was no I was not [TS]

  gonna like regain my feet right and I [TS]

  fall and my and I land on the fender of [TS]

  the trailer which is in a kind of like [TS]

  half up or you know at this point like I [TS]

  fall in such a way that I hit this [TS]

  fender and the fender is made out of [TS]

  heavy gauge you know whatever heavy [TS]

  gauge steel steel yeah and it and I [TS]

  completely collapse it [TS]

  down and just as like crunch like well [TS]

  like Tiger man hitting the wall yeah [TS]

  because out of it when I went when I [TS]

  went to later later on in the story fast [TS]

  forward to the the other part of the [TS]

  story where I'm not hurt I went to bend [TS]

  it up I couldn't bend it with my I mean [TS]

  I had to like it was it's like not a fit [TS]

  it was not a thin gauge of metal but I [TS]

  hit this thing and the way in which I'm [TS]

  falling in the way the fender is is kind [TS]

  of pointed at an angle and the whole [TS]

  just the luck of the draw it just sort [TS]

  of slid me it just sort of put me on the [TS]

  ground on my butt but like I was sliding [TS]

  I hit that thing it crunched it like [TS]

  bent sideways sent me down I hit the [TS]

  greasy ground and slid on the grease and [TS]

  popped up on my feet and I was like huh [TS]

  and I was not in the least bit injured [TS]

  not even the next day [TS]

  did I have any soreness it was just like [TS]

  huh well what do you know about that and [TS]

  then I looked in my pocket and my phone [TS]

  was I mean you could you could pour [TS]

  water into my phone and drink out of it [TS]

  it's that it was that concave oh my [TS]

  goodness the impacts just it was it's [TS]

  just shaped like my body am i wrong this [TS]

  could have been way WAY worse not your [TS]

  phone before you're behind in your [TS]

  different parts even as I was flying [TS]

  through the air I was like I'm gonna I'm [TS]

  going to the hospital yeah I mean it all [TS]

  happened in a second sure sure enough [TS]

  time to say like this is bad for me and [TS]

  it was actually like that the five [TS]

  minutes following I was like I I would I [TS]

  would be not I'm I'm just like getting [TS]

  in the truck and driving away but I [TS]

  would not be if I had if I had fallen [TS]

  just slightly differently oh my god John [TS]

  this is a whole different story here oh [TS]

  my gosh and so your phone your phone [TS]

  bore a lot of the front you have you see [TS]

  a shattered glass like I knew you're [TS]

  behind yeah but also the whole metal [TS]

  case is just like both flattened and [TS]

  also like xx [TS]

  yeah and just sort of like munched and [TS]

  and what's funny is that the [TS]

  Electronics still work but the few [TS]

  things cause me as much anxiety as [TS]

  watching people use a broken phone it [TS]

  causes me so much anxiety [TS]

  instacart person shows up and they got [TS]

  the whole spiderweb screen on like an [TS]

  iPhone 4 and like oh my god you've had [TS]

  this been like this for like three years [TS]

  hasn't it oh my god get something else I [TS]

  treat my phone like a fucking Eucharist [TS]

  I mean I am I'm I'm so I've never broken [TS]

  a phone or a screen [TS]

  it wasn't Apple's fault but no I've [TS]

  never had that and it cost me he's [TS]

  causing me huge anxiety but you you [TS]

  really I'm sorry I'm processing this you [TS]

  really you kind of dodged a bullet here [TS]

  well big-time I'm I'm a middle-aged guy [TS]

  right I to take Falls like that all the [TS]

  time I used to do Falls like that as [TS]

  sport yeah um but now bit of years [TS]

  wasn't it [TS]

  it was a bit of mine him but now that [TS]

  would have was particularly landing on [TS]

  my butt and my back [TS]

  uh-huh what have been really terrible oh [TS]

  god I did my back sleeping last week and [TS]

  I've been stealing my wife had dental [TS]

  surgery been stealing her vicodins so I [TS]

  can sleep just cuz I slept I slept I [TS]

  harm myself with sleep and now I'm [TS]

  treating now I think I might be the [TS]

  opioid epidemic don't do it don't do it [TS]

  I'm the academic Marilyn don't get [TS]

  addicted to opioids that's my advice [TS]

  it's not as bad as I heard a lot of it [TS]

  is the media blowing this up because [TS]

  they don't like the white working-class [TS]

  is what I heard [TS]

  yeah some of that you know it really the [TS]

  Heritage I think what it is is that [TS]

  state's attorneys general Bundy's to sue [TS]

  pharmaceutical companies because they're [TS]

  bored brothers cartoon right and so like [TS]

  they're they're the wolf and and that's [TS]

  the porkchop cigarettes were in the 90s [TS]

  their liberal Democrat let's be honest [TS]

  rule like this is why Trump won like [TS]

  lawyer culture and try you know trial [TS]

  lawyers right oh right Equifax you mean [TS]

  imagine what's gonna happen with that [TS]

  hmm Equifax Equifax Equifax Equifax they [TS]

  had a breach you probably aware of this [TS]

  they had a breach that was entirely [TS]

  avoidable hundred and forty four million [TS]

  Americans basic down to the SSN [TS]

  information out there so dark web now [TS]

  hmm Hecate slamming and springs would [TS]

  say slamming oh this is a lot to cover [TS]

  and so even and so you put a dent an [TS]

  offender with your phone but and you [TS]

  still you had to travel you went to the [TS]

  east coast is that right then i went to [TS]

  washington DC washington DC where I was [TS]

  there touring the sites with my little [TS]

  girl oh you want to see the sights I [TS]

  went and saw numerable sites all the [TS]

  sites all the great sites aren't there [TS]

  some great sites there there are a great [TS]

  site I was worried about this at the [TS]

  summer and I had so much fun oh yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah so I'm guessing you went to [TS]

  all the sites we what do we do we did [TS]

  the was at the African American History [TS]

  Museum we did of course did air in space [TS]

  saw the saturn v engine there it is it's [TS]

  just like it's likes list of looking [TS]

  into the face of God I love looking at [TS]

  that thing although the last ranaut food [TS]

  in that little cabinet uh-huh Aaron [TS]

  space what else do we do oh the zoo we [TS]

  wouldn't saw it was once a baby the [TS]

  Panda did you know the zoo was just [TS]

  outside of our time and options that is [TS]

  if you ever get a chance that is a [TS]

  baller zoo I used to live in Washington [TS]

  and and and used to go to the zoo as a [TS]

  kind of like they've done a real good [TS]

  job there I think they've got some [TS]

  serious dough there Panda enclosure shit [TS]

  dog [TS]

  well the Chinese make you do a certain [TS]

  thing even to get a panda they caught a [TS]

  Chinese hoop you got to jump through [TS]

  yeah yeah that's exactly right they were [TS]

  they're not gonna let you get a panda [TS]

  just and treat it like they got the they [TS]

  still got the crate when you're in the [TS]

  conclusion the Panda watch baby land [TS]

  land land on her back [TS]

  that baby's the young Panda and and you [TS]

  can go see lots of things and you can [TS]

  see the crate yeah [TS]

  might have been ding-ding or sing [TS]

  singing but whatever the original was [TS]

  the original panda called Oh Ling Ling [TS]

  was it Ling Ling then they get two [TS]

  pandas is that what we got I think so [TS]

  Nixon great yeah Oh anyway okay so what [TS]

  else did you do you went down the mall [TS]

  you went to all with all the things yeah [TS]

  well uh you know little little gal and I [TS]

  we walked around we we walked around [TS]

  Capitol Hill the neighborhood first and [TS]

  we found a little there are a few little [TS]

  old-timey cafes diners that are still in [TS]

  that Capitol Hill neighborhood when I [TS]

  lived there in 1989 Capitol Hill by [TS]

  which I mean the neighborhood that [TS]

  stretches to the east from the Capitol [TS]

  building uh-huh [TS]

  it's a big wonderful neighborhood of [TS]

  townhouses brownstones that type of [TS]

  thing and when I lived there it it was [TS]

  only beginning to be gentrified the the [TS]

  first few blocks to the east of the [TS]

  Capitol were the the houses were I think [TS]

  probably kept in good condition it was [TS]

  where Congress people lived but then you [TS]

  know if you get if you got much further [TS]

  than about tenth headed that direction [TS]

  you know it became a poor neighborhood [TS]

  and the houses were in decline or not in [TS]

  decline they were in a lot of cases [TS]

  burnouts and and and then as you moved [TS]

  to the other side of Lincoln Park boy it [TS]

  was a it was it was pretty rough but it [TS]

  was the same exact housing stock right [TS]

  the same beautiful homes it was just [TS]

  that they were they were not in any kind [TS]

  of repair you know it was typical a [TS]

  typical American situation where people [TS]

  out there couldn't get home improvement [TS]

  loans and they didn't have money and and [TS]

  the houses fell apart so I lived at [TS]

  third and D up there and you know it was [TS]

  like it was government town [TS]

  and all the bars were full of like young [TS]

  white people from Maryland wearing [TS]

  bowties and with with swoopy hair I mean [TS]

  the in some ways the the most [TS]

  concentrated collection of young [TS]

  assholes in the world with the exception [TS]

  maybe of Wall Street yeah I was gonna [TS]

  save maybe like parts of Manhattan but [TS]

  no but it's an asshole attractor for [TS]

  sure oh my goodness I mean I had a [TS]

  friend who worked at NPR and friend of [TS]

  mine from college and she said it really [TS]

  is a company town like everywhere you go [TS]

  like there's something people are all in [TS]

  this same general kind of industry [TS]

  whether that's being in government or [TS]

  reporting on government or whatever [TS]

  there's like there you're never more [TS]

  than a you can swing a dead cat without [TS]

  hitting an asshole in that tone yeah [TS]

  government adjacent yeah and and and [TS]

  what's what's interesting is like I [TS]

  think a lot of the concentration of [TS]

  assholes in Wall Street are from [TS]

  Connecticut and Manhattan and Boston [TS]

  repotted assholes yeah as in Washington [TS]

  DC [TS]

  it is the top assholes from every state [TS]

  that's the best it's America's assholes [TS]

  all and and it's the you know it's all [TS]

  those people are every every [TS]

  congressperson or senator has all these [TS]

  interns because it's like a job that [TS]

  they give to their friends and donors [TS]

  from their own towns so these kids go to [TS]

  Penn State or they go to wherever state [TS]

  and then in the summer or or for a year [TS]

  they go out there and work from their [TS]

  congressman and their job MSU might [TS]

  start out as a dick but you end up an [TS]

  asshole but so I lived in that you know [TS]

  in that like pretty protected little [TS]

  area well yeah and and I and at the time [TS]

  I was stunned it was my first exposure [TS]

  to I mean seeing gentrification not as a [TS]

  general like well that used to be a [TS]

  neighborhood like this but now it's sort [TS]

  of the hold the neighborhood is [TS]

  transitioning sort of thing it was as [TS]

  you went from block to block you could [TS]

  see [TS]

  Oh every house on this block is nice the [TS]

  next block over has a few shabby houses [TS]

  two blocks over has like 30% shabby [TS]

  houses five blocks I mean just block by [TS]

  block you watched and then you would get [TS]

  out there where there was a block that [TS]

  was hmm you know there wasn't a single [TS]

  house except there was one that had [TS]

  scaffolding around it and somebody was [TS]

  pioneering there well now you go all the [TS]

  way out and it's just beautiful homes [TS]

  the whole way that the entire [TS]

  neighborhood has been transformed and [TS]

  yet there are still a couple of little [TS]

  stores little little diners that have [TS]

  been there the whole time and have been [TS]

  there since before the neighborhood even [TS]

  went into decline and it's just you walk [TS]

  in it's just like one counter five [TS]

  tables and a menu that's like grilled [TS]

  cheese sandwich hamburger Philly [TS]

  cheesesteak okay so so my baby and I [TS]

  went and found one of those and we had a [TS]

  breakfast and then we went to the [TS]

  Library of Congress and we walked around [TS]

  we went to look down on the reading room [TS]

  went to the Jefferson library which is [TS]

  they so after the British burned the [TS]

  Capitol during the war of 1812 [TS]

  they burned the library and so Thomas [TS]

  Jefferson gave his entire library and he [TS]

  was at the time the had the biggest [TS]

  library in the colonies or I'm guess the [TS]

  states at that point he donated his [TS]

  entire library and then there was [TS]

  another fire in his books have some of [TS]

  them burned again but they have the [TS]

  majority of his books set up set up in a [TS]

  kind of circle like he had his library [TS]

  built so we looked at those and then we [TS]

  went to the Capitol and toured the [TS]

  Capitol and saw all the things and then [TS]

  we walked we dent down at the [TS]

  Smithsonian we walked all the way to the [TS]

  Lincoln Memorial [TS]

  and she was like a super trooper it was [TS]

  only on the other side of the Washington [TS]

  Monument when she started to say this [TS]

  has been a long walk did you oh so you [TS]

  did walk that is so much longer than it [TS]

  looks it's very long it's very very long [TS]

  walk yeah and she said I do not think [TS]

  well as we were approaching the [TS]

  Washington Monument she said I think [TS]

  that we should stop at the Washington [TS]

  Monument and I said sweetheart the [TS]

  Lincoln Memorial is just over the [TS]

  horizon [TS]

  that's where it's going on man gotta get [TS]

  to the memorial yeah and she was like I [TS]

  we've walked far enough and we got to [TS]

  the Washington Monument there was the [TS]

  Lincoln Memorial in the distance I was [TS]

  like what do you think you think you [TS]

  want to bite it off because it's just [TS]

  it's C it's far but it's also just right [TS]

  there and she's the reflecting pool yeah [TS]

  she was I think she understood like [TS]

  that's on the back of the penny like in [TS]

  and she's she knows she knows all about [TS]

  Lincoln she'd sit and lecture me about [TS]

  Lincoln so off we went and it was great [TS]

  we had a wonderful time Oh though we [TS]

  went through the World War two the New [TS]

  World War Two memorial let's see I think [TS]

  I know that one because it's near it's [TS]

  kind of adjacent it's kind of not too [TS]

  far from the Vietnam one right yep and [TS]

  and it's just but but it has pride of [TS]

  place I mean it's the most recent thing [TS]

  to actually occupy the mall itself and [TS]

  it stretches across it it's like a new [TS]

  feature mm-hmm right between the [TS]

  Washington Monument and the Lincoln [TS]

  Memorial and it's like a pretty enormous [TS]

  Wow you know amphitheater that they [TS]

  built and you know I've I have a [TS]

  relationship with World War two as a [TS]

  conflict I've spent quite a bit of time [TS]

  on it personally in the course of my [TS]

  life my dad fought in it and all his [TS]

  friends did and I am sorry to say that [TS]

  the World War Two memorial is an abject [TS]

  failure [TS]

  as a memorial really it's just bad it's [TS]

  badly done badly designed badly executed [TS]

  and it was really sad to me because [TS]

  you're not allowed to say this is a bad [TS]

  Memorial [TS]

  it's an incredibly expensive Memorial [TS]

  it's an it's it was designed to be epic [TS]

  or to seem epic it was designed it felt [TS]

  like it was designed by a committee like [TS]

  we've got this space on the mall we have [TS]

  got to do something with a lot of [TS]

  whiz-bang mm-hmm and so that's not a [TS]

  football field from the sky yeah and it [TS]

  has no it's yeah exactly it's a you know [TS]

  it looks like a like a like a high [TS]

  school look track yeah an oval but it [TS]

  has very bad access to it you can enter [TS]

  on one side but not leave on the other [TS]

  side so and it commemorates nothing like [TS]

  it has the one side of the oval has a [TS]

  big sign each tune marble-carved six you [TS]

  know let letter six feet high that says [TS]

  Pacific and the other side predictably [TS]

  says Atlantic on the news and then if [TS]

  you walk around there are fifty pillars [TS]

  with all guess what's written on them is [TS]

  there space there's 50 of them that's [TS]

  right all 50 states mm-hmm 48 at the [TS]

  time yeah yeah well but also there was [TS]

  Puerto Rico and and Guam Puerto Rico [TS]

  counts but it basically got a they got [TS]

  up they got a pillar way to do it you [TS]

  know what I didn't go I did not actually [TS]

  go around and see if Alaska and Hawaii [TS]

  were on there that's very interesting [TS]

  and it seems like the type of thing [TS]

  where Alaska and Hawaii would be there [TS]

  even though they weren't States at the [TS]

  time they call it a retcon it's a little [TS]

  bit of a retcon but and then on either [TS]

  side there are two fountains I guess and [TS]

  underneath the fountains are carved the [TS]

  names of all the major battles [TS]

  but it is insufficient entirely [TS]

  insufficient like there's no the names [TS]

  of the dead doesn't momentous to be [TS]

  standing in it all right [TS]

  minute no that's like the the Vietnam [TS]

  Wall was kind of a creeper like you get [TS]

  up in that thing and it's like ooh [TS]

  there's something kind of momentous [TS]

  about this we're obviously the the World [TS]

  Trade Center one is kind of like that [TS]

  too like it you really feel like an [TS]

  absence of something here in the [TS]

  presence of something else [TS]

  although though I just went to the World [TS]

  Trade Center Memorial the other day also [TS]

  guess what it closes at night it's an [TS]

  enormous Plaza an enormous Plaza right [TS]

  they takes up the footprint of the hole [TS]

  yes right Center and what they've [TS]

  decided and there's nothing in it it's [TS]

  just like fountains and and trees okay a [TS]

  little bit of uh I got a little bit of a [TS]

  pebble in my shoe because the security [TS]

  car yelled at my kid for standing on the [TS]

  railing well there you go [TS]

  so I went there I think I think I think [TS]

  you can handle it yeah and and I went [TS]

  there at let's say midnight mm-hmm [TS]

  that's a good time to visit a memorial [TS]

  like that it is yet it is not because [TS]

  they have decided in their infinite [TS]

  wisdom that it makes more sense for them [TS]

  to hire 40 to 50 security guards like [TS]

  shoot people away to walk around this [TS]

  park all night telling you that you [TS]

  cannot step foot into it so you just you [TS]

  never forget as long as it's not [TS]

  midnight that's right never stop [TS]

  remembering and what's interesting is if [TS]

  they're gonna hire those 40 to 50 [TS]

  security guards well they could just let [TS]

  them walk around all night and then you [TS]

  also could walk around that's true but [TS]

  instead I mean it's not like what are [TS]

  you gonna get up to start a campfire [TS]

  yeah if there's 50 people walking around [TS]

  I mean and so I went there to have a [TS]

  solemn moment because as you recall I [TS]

  was I went up to the top of the World [TS]

  Trade Center on September 1st 2001 and [TS]

  so when that all happened you know I was [TS]

  just ten days from standing [TS]

  the at the window on the world and [TS]

  standing on the roof went up to the roof [TS]

  so it was I mean not to make it not to [TS]

  make the not to make 911 about me [TS]

  experience to me I'm just there and so I [TS]

  wanted to go go have my moment with the [TS]

  with the memorial and and at night like [TS]

  you say it would be I was hoping it to [TS]

  sort of be there alone and and not have [TS]

  to experience it in a crowd which always [TS]

  feels a little also a little weird it [TS]

  was packed when we were there that's why [TS]

  what she's doing on the real she [TS]

  couldn't you couldn't see very well so [TS]

  you know just shoot out by these people [TS]

  who I mean there's no fence around it [TS]

  they're just standing there 14 feet away [TS]

  from me and if you put your foot on the [TS]

  step they're like sorry sorry folks [TS]

  parks closed I shoulda told you and I [TS]

  was infuriated it's just like beef with [TS]

  this there's another podcast I listen to [TS]

  where they talk a lot about [TS]

  Trafalgar Square and how Trafalgar [TS]

  Square they've really cracked down [TS]

  you're not allowed to climb on the [TS]

  columns and the Lions and whatnot you [TS]

  there's all kinds of things you're not [TS]

  they shoot you away now it's like you [TS]

  know what to me a memorial should have [TS]

  the dignity and the structural integrity [TS]

  to handle a whole bunch of things [TS]

  including kids playing on it in a way [TS]

  that they don't understand they're not [TS]

  supposed to be playing on it like that's [TS]

  part of what makes it a memorial like [TS]

  it's not it isn't like you're going to [TS]

  see you know the body of Lenin like this [TS]

  is this is you know what I'm saying like [TS]

  a statue has like a certain gravitas to [TS]

  it did like I mean do you really need to [TS]

  shoot people away from that I mean it's [TS]

  well and it's it's partly security [TS]

  theater we live in a world now where all [TS]

  yeah you cannot if you just if you like [TS]

  throw out the idea hey you know what we [TS]

  should do we should hire 50 security [TS]

  guards to stand around this place no one [TS]

  is going to say no because if you say [TS]

  well 911 yeah just you've just trumped [TS]

  any argument against the thing yeah it's [TS]

  like do you think somebody's gonna come [TS]

  blow up this memorial yeah what do you [TS]

  think I mean they're there in the course [TS]

  of the night that you're paying these 50 [TS]

  security guards to stand there fifty [TS]

  people would come mm-hmm [TS]

  obviously no one's gonna camp out there [TS]

  they wouldn't even have a chance to sit [TS]

  down but maybe they don't want homeless [TS]

  people there well how could they there's [TS]

  50 security guards right right you could [TS]

  cut the number of security guards in [TS]

  half and still have more than enough [TS]

  because you need 50 of them to keep [TS]

  people out of every single entrance to [TS]

  the park you only need 20 of them to [TS]

  keep people from camping there but it's [TS]

  also you know there's a sculpture garden [TS]

  here in Seattle and out to an enormous [TS]

  outdoor sculpture garden and they have [TS]

  security I swear to you hiding in the [TS]

  bushes because if you if you go there [TS]

  with the kids and she walks over and [TS]

  touches the Calder hmm there somebody [TS]

  appears at your shoulder no you know [TS]

  don't touch the artwork hmm this is an [TS]

  outdoor sculpture garden I don't think [TS]

  you understand what a statue is which is [TS]

  yeah exactly which is closed at night [TS]

  a-and also don't touch is it is it paper [TS]

  mache like is it blessed like that's [TS]

  just weird it's gonna get ruined oh [TS]

  don't ruin this - I just sent you a link [TS]

  I admit this is a little bit over the [TS]

  top but this is one of the most um [TS]

  over-the-top but moving disturbing [TS]

  memorials I've ever been to you sent [TS]

  your link to the Holocaust Memorial in [TS]

  Miami have you are you aware of this I [TS]

  have not been to the one in Miami but [TS]

  have you seen look at the photos [TS]

  oh you sent it to me through Skype right [TS]

  yeah but you go just just Google [TS]

  Holocaust Memorial in Miami oh yeah [TS]

  mm-hmm [TS]

  you don't you don't see that isn't that [TS]

  something yeah I mean I realized that [TS]

  when you're trying to sort of what's the [TS]

  word valorize World War two it was a [TS]

  great war the good war diddly diddly [TS]

  deee it's got to be very you know [TS]

  dignified but like I don't know I think [TS]

  there's something to be said for like [TS]

  from a moral that goes there [TS]

  well that one really goes there it does [TS]

  it does but I mean like so I mean I'm [TS]

  glad somebody went there it's like I [TS]

  always used to say even before I moved [TS]

  here I'm glad Berkeley exists cuz [TS]

  Berkeley is a place where everything [TS]

  goes too far [TS]

  America needs places that go too far [TS]

  yeah especially on our side and I kind [TS]

  of feel like you know this is maybe a [TS]

  little bit I don't know a little [TS]

  over-the-top but like it's it is very [TS]

  affecting to see ya bet yeah well I to [TS]

  get in arguments with people if you [TS]

  can't believe it you yeah about the way [TS]

  the Holocaust has been memorialized and [TS]

  world war two has been memorialized [TS]

  because unfortunately for us I think the [TS]

  war was immediately followed upon by the [TS]

  brutalist movement and the hyper sort of [TS]

  modern postmodern art world and so if [TS]

  you travel around brutalist [TS]

  i think yeah but as well as going [TS]

  straight into the Cold War like we [TS]

  didn't have time to change our socks and [TS]

  we were going into the Cold War but on [TS]

  top of that yeah you've got these these [TS]

  new architectural movements seeing can't [TS]

  get any federalism you know I'm saying [TS]

  right and and also representative art [TS]

  fell out of fashion so when you go [TS]

  around looking at the memorials to World [TS]

  War two a lot of them are black [TS]

  doughnuts [TS]

  it's stuff that needs to be explained [TS]

  yeah when the Vietnam Wall went up it [TS]

  had to kind of be explained to people [TS]

  but I think it works it has that a [TS]

  bullet not obelisk but you know what I [TS]

  mean that's that's yeah accurate kind of [TS]

  quality and I think that's very [TS]

  effective but there are a lot where it's [TS]

  like oh there's a water feature and [TS]

  black stone yeah okay so what how's that [TS]

  about like invading Poland and and and [TS]

  there's a lot of criticism to be made [TS]

  about the World War 1 memorials where 40 [TS]

  valiant soldiers stand you know carved [TS]

  in marble Stan and look at the did [TS]

  middle-distance while they're you know [TS]

  around their feet are arrayed they're [TS]

  dying comrades yeah sort of sort of like [TS]

  civil war memorials where it really it [TS]

  really glamorizes it and it's all like [TS]

  all those statues in in the United [TS]

  Kingdom where it's just like here is [TS]

  here are our fallen heroes [TS]

  you can make a lot of criticism about [TS]

  that but there is like you say it [TS]

  doesn't need you don't need to stand [TS]

  there in a in a tour group hold it with [TS]

  a gut while a guy holding a clipboard [TS]

  explains that this is the Holocaust most [TS]

  why you should be moved by this right or [TS]

  it's impossible to be moved by this [TS]

  except what it symbolizes is beyond the [TS]

  unexpressive ability of what happened [TS]

  and so really look inside yourselves [TS]

  yeah exactly so what is it inverted [TS]

  appearance with with like three [TS]

  Christmas intellectually moving and [TS]

  there are a lot of people that will [TS]

  defend that stuff that because you know [TS]

  because like they believe they feel that [TS]

  metaphor is is the only thing that's [TS]

  sufficient but there's not any one [TS]

  answer to any of this there's examples [TS]

  of all of these being done well or [TS]

  poorly that suit the purpose and don't [TS]

  some of them don't age well but like [TS]

  it's it's not a question of I'm it's [TS]

  just a question of how well it's [TS]

  executed don't you think well that is [TS]

  what makes the Holocaust Memorial in [TS]

  Berlin such a heavy heavy heavy visit [TS]

  because oh my god oh god it's an [TS]

  enormous enormous field full of exactly [TS]

  as you say black omelets basically [TS]

  casket roughly casket shaped stones and [TS]

  it's open all night first of all because [TS]

  it's it's in Europe and no one is trying [TS]

  to you know in like San Francisco [TS]

  everything closes too early here yeah [TS]

  right well that's one of the reasons no [TS]

  one like Santa but so you go into this [TS]

  Holocaust Memorial is this Christ when [TS]

  you're on the edge of it the stones are [TS]

  low they're just a few feet high you can [TS]

  sit on them they're like benches on the [TS]

  on the ring of this memorial all around [TS]

  it look at from a little bit of a [TS]

  distance it has like a terrain my [TS]

  quality is that because of the lands [TS]

  type topography or because of the way [TS]

  they've been arranged its man it's meant [TS]

  to look like that from the street that's [TS]

  fine design with like the size the [TS]

  height of the stones yeah lonely [TS]

  it just kind of looks like a big rolling [TS]

  field but it looks like a blocking a lot [TS]

  for caskets kind of but it is it's very [TS]

  it's stunning well so here's what makes [TS]

  it astonishing cuz it is stunning and [TS]

  there are people sitting and eating [TS]

  their lunch on it it's there is a [TS]

  certain amount of like well this is just [TS]

  now a place that we like if you sit down [TS]

  on one of those stones I don't know [TS]

  about them I don't know about noon [TS]

  whether somebody comes over and says hey [TS]

  get off that but there's there wouldn't [TS]

  be a way to do it it's right in the [TS]

  center of Berlin it's right next to the [TS]

  US Embassy it's right where the the [TS]

  Berlin wall used to be it's like where [TS]

  the Reichstag was it's it's like very [TS]

  it's really there but you walk into it [TS]

  and it's and it's meant to be interacted [TS]

  with you walk into it those paths every [TS]

  every single one of those spaces between [TS]

  the obelisks is a path and you walk in [TS]

  and then the earth falls away and as you [TS]

  move toward the center of it suddenly [TS]

  these obelisks are towering over you [TS]

  they're 15 20 feet above your head and [TS]

  you're down in this space where you know [TS]

  every time you come around a corner you [TS]

  can see all the way along the path is in [TS]

  either direction and it becomes very [TS]

  disorienting and very overwhelming and [TS]

  then when you're down in the center you [TS]

  have no idea where you are because you [TS]

  could no longer see out of the peace [TS]

  functions like a maze it functions like [TS]

  a maze although it's just a grid but [TS]

  2,000 2711 concrete slabs right I mean [TS]

  think about that that's an enormous and [TS]

  these are big big things but but the way [TS]

  that the way the valley of it works when [TS]

  you're standing on it at the sidewalk it [TS]

  looks like a hill because it kind of [TS]

  curves up the tops of these obelisks [TS]

  curved up and have a topography like you [TS]

  say but when you're down in the valley [TS]

  you can't see up to the street because [TS]

  it's so down well you see is is that [TS]

  your your it's your very disorient [TS]

  and also like a little scared it [TS]

  actually had it actually accomplishes [TS]

  that you become overwhelmed and scared [TS]

  like scared just your body naturally [TS]

  says like um I don't feel safe anymore [TS]

  like like can you can we get out of here [TS]

  but you don't know which way to go [TS]

  mm-hmm and there are people down there [TS]

  who are playing like not just little [TS]

  kids but like teenagers and people in [TS]

  their twenties stupid college students [TS]

  who are playing peek-a-boo with each [TS]

  other and running around because it is [TS]

  like also a space where you get on you [TS]

  get enough uncomfortable that it becomes [TS]

  like well why don't we play chase but [TS]

  again there's nobody down there to tell [TS]

  you not to do that and so everybody's [TS]

  interacting with it in a different way [TS]

  and and and you do kind of your impulse [TS]

  when some 24 year old runs past you [TS]

  giggling your impulse is to kind of grab [TS]

  them and say hey what the fuck are you [TS]

  doing like yeah this is a heavy space [TS]

  but you can't do that you have to just [TS]

  and that adds to the it adds to your [TS]

  fear feelings right it's not you're not [TS]

  sitting looking over a chain surveying a [TS]

  doughnut trying to metaphor eyes the war [TS]

  you're having like a real emotional not [TS]

  just momentary experience but like the [TS]

  longer you stay down there the the more [TS]

  you're fucked up by it anyway so that's [TS]

  an example of like a modern memorial [TS]

  that that accomplishes so much kind of [TS]

  like the Vietnam Memorial do you [TS]

  remember when the Vietnam or more of [TS]

  blue vietnam memorial opened [TS]

  controversial incredibly controversial [TS]

  yeah that it was that it was too [TS]

  abstract and that it was not yeah there [TS]

  was there was there was I think it was [TS]

  fairly costly but mainly was that it was [TS]

  it was too abstract and like and like [TS]

  goofy to represent this thing well and [TS]

  designed by an Asian which was very [TS]

  automatic very much a problem for people [TS]

  at the time like wait a minute [TS]

  mm-hmm aren't all Asians alike this one [TS]

  designed this more [TS]

  for tusks killing agents but it has [TS]

  become like a major major part of the [TS]

  experience of Washington DC and it's [TS]

  still very emotional its perilous anyway [TS]

  the world war ii memorial is I would not [TS]

  say abject failure unless I meant it [TS]

  mm-hmm it succeeds at no level except at [TS]

  being an example of a committee decided [TS]

  designed extremely expensive like hole [TS]

  in the ground and it doesn't achieve [TS]

  awesomeness you're not even awed by it [TS]

  you're just down there going so every [TS]

  one of these things has the name of a [TS]

  state on it and each one has a giant [TS]

  like bronze wreath on it mm-hmm but they [TS]

  don't they're just meant to like oh yeah [TS]

  so Massachusetts okay what's next [TS]

  Oh Rhode Island like there's no there [TS]

  are no surprises in it I was like [TS]

  looking at that placemat yeah yeah and [TS]

  so I walked out of there like very very [TS]

  very disappointed not just in there like [TS]

  I'm sure it's closed at night too [TS]

  I'm sure there's ten guards that walk [TS]

  around it and tell you you can't be [TS]

  there but but it really feels like a [TS]

  monument to our time certainly and and I [TS]

  guess at that level it it's like when [TS]

  you go into cities and you see new [TS]

  developments new housing developments or [TS]

  whatnot and you say like oh that one was [TS]

  built in 2007 because it's the same like [TS]

  baby shit colors that every building [TS]

  built in 2007 was about awnings [TS]

  certainly suddenly circa big 1984-1985 [TS]

  everything had have an awning oh yeah [TS]

  and awnings were everywhere and whether [TS]

  it was your like your local like bistro [TS]

  or the mall like suddenly everything had [TS]

  to have an awning hit awnings and [TS]

  atriums and they aged well it was it was [TS]

  what like a lot of actually brutalist [TS]

  architecture did not age well not very [TS]

  well designed awnings get mildewy you [TS]

  they do atriums have to be cleaned [TS]

  regularly yeah Maitreya Hey and in most [TS]

  cases they did not endow the building [TS]

  with like a cleaning fund no that's that [TS]

  is the thing about a chick-fil-a [TS]

  pressure I'll beat your well precious [TS]

  few chick-fil-a's have their own [TS]

  endowment it's not Rice University like [TS]

  there's gonna have to be there's gonna [TS]

  have to be a you remember racks they all [TS]

  had atria racks racks was racks was [TS]

  somewhere between was kind of like an [TS]

  Arby's wanna be nice or Arby's [TS]

  I haven't thought about racks in a very [TS]

  long time Oriole for racks I don't think [TS]

  so I went online not very long ago and [TS]

  looked up racks it sounds like there are [TS]

  still wrecks you can still get a racks [TS]

  racks roast beef tried-and-true regular [TS]

  racks racks roast beef back in the 80s [TS]

  when my family ate at fast-food [TS]

  restaurants probably I mean it was still [TS]

  nice yeah we would still get up get [TS]

  dressed [TS]

  go out of the house to go to the Burger [TS]

  King or the or the Taco Bell dignity [TS]

  back then not even the taco time at the [TS]

  Taco Bell Taco Bell was pretty deluxe at [TS]

  a certain time that's a pretty big deal [TS]

  to have fresh ish Mexican food I'm not [TS]

  trying to be that guy but Batak o belt [TS]

  didn't used to kind of be better it was [TS]

  so good 80s and the 80s talked about was [TS]

  a treat we would drive to Tampa to go to [TS]

  Taco Bell yeah right and and we would we [TS]

  ate fast food all the time it was not it [TS]

  was down market obviously but but back [TS]

  then the distinction was between did you [TS]

  eat at home or did you eat hours mm-hmm [TS]

  and obviously like eating out we weren't [TS]

  going to Simon and see fruits and [TS]

  getting [TS]

  getting like fettuccine alfredo which [TS]

  was like pretty much had to be your [TS]

  birthday [TS]

  yeah or like your graduation a family [TS]

  for 20 bucks well yeah and and and maybe [TS]

  less right I mean I would guess it's not [TS]

  even cheaper oh my god everything is [TS]

  it's so crazy how cheap stuff is now you [TS]

  get five tacos for 99 cents it's crazy [TS]

  how cheap fast food is now it's it's got [TS]

  to be some kind of jam up its core easy [TS]

  how cheap it is I think they just they [TS]

  walk cows into a giant spinning blade [TS]

  like the top of Willy Wonka's chocolate [TS]

  factory [TS]

  they've oh I see what you're saying it's [TS]

  like the big fan if they've achieved [TS]

  scalability yeah they just want they're [TS]

  like here cow here cow and they just [TS]

  walk them straight into this thing and [TS]

  pure hamburger comes out the other side [TS]

  that's amazing used to be so much [TS]

  messier well yeah yeah did like interact [TS]

  with the cow a little bit given last [TS]

  rites yeah yeah that's the Dickens [TS]

  collar off and record its name and [TS]

  number all right but a whole section on [TS]

  big potatoes you can get a plain potato [TS]

  butter potatoes sour cream potato cheese [TS]

  potato cheese and bacon potato cheese [TS]

  and broccoli potato chili and cheese [TS]

  potato barbecue spot for cheese but [TS]

  can't talk about racks here great taste [TS]

  great selection rack see I think the [TS]

  thing that distinguished racks was that [TS]

  it was the first restaurant of its kind [TS]

  that had a salad bar and it really [TS]

  brought people in because the salad bar [TS]

  the the like go around and wow look at [TS]

  this it's a whole thing of garbanzo [TS]

  beans oh my goodness look at this it's a [TS]

  whole thing of cottage cheese yeah that [TS]

  was really novel and and and racks was [TS]

  early-adopter there's also that there [TS]

  was a trend toward that eventually they [TS]

  pulled back from but there was a trend I [TS]

  feel like the 70s were sort of the [TS]

  Silver Age of the or maybe the Golden [TS]

  Age of the salad bar and then you had a [TS]

  Silver Age of the salad bars where it [TS]

  was like then it became kind like table [TS]

  stakes and places like Ponderosa bonanza [TS]

  it started they went they shifted from [TS]

  being like a York steak house-style like [TS]

  slightly upscale mall ish food to being [TS]

  like it was all about all-you-can-eat [TS]

  so you go to Ponderosa and it was always [TS]

  like you could get a steak but mostly [TS]

  you were there for the hot bar you were [TS]

  you are [TS]

  throw on some some Brandt some [TS]

  Midwestern brand names at me that I'm [TS]

  digging but we didn't have any of it you [TS]

  didn't have a York stick house was nice [TS]

  so York steak house was Northgate Mall [TS]

  Colerain Avenue Cincinnati Ohio I think [TS]

  it opened with the mall probably in 72 [TS]

  and it was like our little it was like [TS]

  if you want to go spend a little bit [TS]

  normally after church before church you [TS]

  get a perkins right sure your organs and [TS]

  gets you i get strawberry pancakes [TS]

  perkins either but yes you know that you [TS]

  know the brand and often what you do is [TS]

  if you got a little bit of dough after [TS]

  church you go to forum and forum with [TS]

  the cafeteria there's a cafeteria at our [TS]

  mall where you had a little tray and you [TS]

  get you know little green jello cubes a [TS]

  little bit upscale maybe once every [TS]

  couple months ago to New York steak [TS]

  house which had a medieval themed week [TS]

  out York steak house was amazing and my [TS]

  my first grade girlfriend and I we would [TS]

  talk about the date we would eventually [TS]

  go on to York steak house okay oh you [TS]

  had aspirational date aspirational David [TS]

  Mann Splashin girlfriend yeah I think [TS]

  it's a health care professional now I [TS]

  was having some drinks in google it or [TS]

  one name my first great girlfriends 50 [TS]

  now [TS]

  isn't it amazing it is amazing she's [TS]

  been my age you did go out with her you [TS]

  did it wasn't just that yeah but no I [TS]

  changed schools 1976 once a different [TS]

  school in fourth grade right around the [TS]

  age that something like that might have [TS]

  even kind of be kind to have happened [TS]

  but now mostly phone calls about York [TS]

  steakhouse fourth grade was my first [TS]

  kiss my first yeah sherry Edwards kiss [TS]

  me in third grade during a fire drill [TS]

  Wow yeah I know right [TS]

  she snuck you a kiss huh I untangled a [TS]

  dog that someone had tied to a pole and [TS]

  he had gotten himself tangled up so that [TS]

  he was just like his collar was just [TS]

  right next to the pole he couldn't move [TS]

  because he spun around it so many times [TS]

  I'm saying smart dog no um but I got a [TS]

  bunch of people were walking past it [TS]

  just looking at it like oh look at this [TS]

  stupid thing and I actually got down and [TS]

  like grabbed the dog untangle you know [TS]

  like unhooked him untangled his leash [TS]

  put him back together and was like I [TS]

  don't I don't know what to tell you dog [TS]

  like you know your owner will be back [TS]

  soon listen to me now look [TS]

  your guy will be back soon [TS]

  two fingers reappointment him point me [TS]

  her eyes like I was like here right here [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  two eyes up look you're gonna be okay [TS]

  honestly I have no idea whether the [TS]

  owner when he arrived wrapped the thing [TS]

  around the pole 16 times because he [TS]

  didn't want his dog to have free rein [TS]

  but I undid the dog and when I when I [TS]

  stood back up I turned around and this [TS]

  girl who was somebody that I understood [TS]

  to be a high-status girl hmm and I swear [TS]

  to you I've tried to remember her name [TS]

  thirty thousand times because we became [TS]

  it was the first time I ever was [TS]

  actively flirtatious with a with a young [TS]

  lady Wow when we were we we saw each [TS]

  other one time at a grocery store where [TS]

  she was with her mom and I was with my [TS]

  mom and our parents noticed because you [TS]

  know we'd go up an aisle and they'd go [TS]

  down the other aisle and when we would [TS]

  look at each other from down the aisle [TS]

  we were just like eyes locked like hmm [TS]

  little birds flying around my mom was [TS]

  like who is that girl she's really you [TS]

  guys are really like vibin yeah [TS]

  chemistry [TS]

  we had chemistry but I was standing [TS]

  there having just rescued this dog and [TS]

  she was there and she came over and [TS]

  kissed me and I was like what do I do [TS]

  now what do I do now and unfortunately I [TS]

  didn't even then this became a trait [TS]

  throughout my life even then I like so [TS]

  little knew what to do that I just did [TS]

  nothing [TS]

  shut shut down completely and was just [TS]

  like totally normal Durer yeah but I [TS]

  never went to her and said will you be [TS]

  my girlfriend and she never came to me [TS]

  and said like will you go with me or [TS]

  whatever cuz we're in fourth grade right [TS]

  we're not in fifth we're not so [TS]

  sophisticated as 5th grade and then I [TS]

  moved away I did it all so I moved away [TS]

  to do I move to Alaska and so she went [TS]

  on to she went on to a life so distant [TS]

  from me that I cannot even recall her [TS]

  name [TS]

  Oh God and our class pictures the ones [TS]

  that they gave us throughout the 70s [TS]

  where we all stood in the gym or we all [TS]

  like lined up yeah the little kids knelt [TS]

  in the front and the tall kids stood in [TS]

  the back yeah those those class pictures [TS]

  have no names so they never put like all [TS]

  the names underneath that's a memorial [TS]

  hmm right so you well now I just look at [TS]

  and I'm like I remember Thomas from [TS]

  Peter Kluger and I remember that girl's [TS]

  name right right otherwise I'm just I'm [TS]

  blind when you're losing a little bit [TS]

  every day [TS]

  well yeah but I couldn't have told you [TS]

  who they were 15 years ago [TS]

  I sent you a link to images of York [TS]

  steak house the last York steak house [TS]

  closed in the late 80s well so our [TS]

  version of that oh I see so this is like [TS]

  yeah it's done up like a sizzler this is [TS]

  a city like it's supposed to be like a [TS]

  castle it's supposed to be there's like [TS]

  yeah right right [TS]

  in Anchorage there was a clinker dagger [TS]

  Bickerstaff and Pitt's bigger stabbing [TS]

  pits I think it's I don't think it's [TS]

  Bickerstaff I think it's bigger [TS]

  interesting but the waitresses they're [TS]

  actually dressed like medieval wenches [TS]

  and it was table service it wasn't like [TS]

  walk up and there's a menu it was it was [TS]

  the fancy medieval steakhouse I don't [TS]

  understand why steak houses and [TS]

  restaurants had so many themes back then [TS]

  it's a little bit like skins there are [TS]

  themes in a video game where you've got [TS]

  the basic game but then you can slap [TS]

  some adventuretime on then it's not [TS]

  really like a large extra cost you know [TS]

  you gotta give it a feel like Ponderosa [TS]

  and that kind of like a Western feel [TS]

  right like and then obviously your oh [TS]

  god oh look at these look at that you go [TS]

  and you pick you look at a photo of your [TS]

  steak and you pick up by number say the [TS]

  number well I see here now yeah a lot of [TS]

  different kinds of pie I'm like I like a [TS]

  lot of pie yeah [TS]

  we had some fresh-baked bread there were [TS]

  a couple of places in Anchorage like [TS]

  there was a one I forget the name but [TS]

  every room in the restaurant it was big [TS]

  big restaurant and every room in the [TS]

  place had a different themes so your [TS]

  waiter would come yeah I'm sorry I got [TS]

  involved in this page about how to [TS]

  become a franchisee of steak and ale I'd [TS]

  like to return to that I like the wacky [TS]

  70s like where waiters and waitresses [TS]

  dress up and there's themes and that [TS]

  guy's got a straw boater on but then you [TS]

  go the Farrell's but for spaghetti [TS]

  exactly like a pirate hat on yeah this [TS]

  one she's wearing a hoop skirt and and [TS]

  he's got up you know it's a copy and all [TS]

  the fun you would have I knew his kids [TS]

  yes spaghetti spaghetti warehouse which [TS]

  sounds like a terrible name that can't [TS]

  possibly the name of this so for my [TS]

  birthday when I was 10 spaghetti where [TS]

  the Getty warehouse [TS]

  so that's actually a seattle chain you [TS]

  know that started in Seattle and they [TS]

  had they had two different kinds of [TS]

  bread we wheat bread and white bread [TS]

  really a little like a little sort of [TS]

  one of those pizza that wooden sort of [TS]

  pizza boards oh sure sure sure it's like [TS]

  ooh to read but for two kinds of bread [TS]

  yep and you would have two kinds of [TS]

  butter oh you know dairy butter no then [TS]

  they would have garlic butter the dark [TS]

  ramekin dark all right if you were ready [TS]

  to go there did every Spaghetti [TS]

  Warehouse have a trainer I thought that [TS]

  was just ours no they all had a train [TS]

  well they all my goodness a street car [TS]

  or a train car yeah yeah that had tables [TS]

  in it Oh [TS]

  oh my god I remember this so on my tenth [TS]

  birthday I remember this so well it's oh [TS]

  they got meatballs calm is their domain [TS]

  that's a great domain well it's super [TS]

  good I mean think of all he talks about [TS]

  call the all the businesses that could [TS]

  have gotten meatballs calm I got bill [TS]

  murray san group yeah right like it's [TS]

  raining meatballs or whatever that don't [TS]

  howl oh yeah it's raining meatballs I [TS]

  see Chloe Clyde with chip yes yeah [TS]

  yes meatballs comp see that's smart that [TS]

  is smart at smart IP meatballs calm it [TS]

  could have been anything I wanna see [TS]

  pictures of the dressed up people well [TS]

  so so Spaghetti Warehouse have I think [TS]

  their signature dish [TS]

  to be honest was Mozilla cheese mmm they [TS]

  had Mozilla cheese which seemed so [TS]

  exotic it was like a rear was like a [TS]

  graded sort of sharp foreign cheese [TS]

  ain't no parmesan was it's a-- and they [TS]

  would make this and so so obviously what [TS]

  you would get was half and half which [TS]

  was half my sit through cheese on your [TS]

  spaghetti and half meat sauce and you [TS]

  would kind of mix the two in the might [TS]

  or or if you were some if you were the [TS]

  other kind of person you'd eat a little [TS]

  bit of missus rim they need to eat a [TS]

  little bit of meat [TS]

  it was definitely where you went for [TS]

  your birthday and and in Seattle it [TS]

  remains the place that you go on prom [TS]

  night [TS]

  is that right starting during prom [TS]

  season you can't even go into a [TS]

  spaghetti warehouse is that right that's [TS]

  so interesting so many proms happening [TS]

  see this is also this is a little bit [TS]

  orthogonal to the sort of Bennigan's [TS]

  Bennigan's was also Bennigan's to me was [TS]

  like you know very Steely Dan kind of [TS]

  like ferns and brass kind of place then [TS]

  there was that trend of like what [TS]

  Cracker Barrel type things but like shit [TS]

  on the walls kind of places [TS]

  spaghetti warehouses a little bit of a [TS]

  shit on the walls kind of places don't [TS]

  you think oh there could be a loom or an [TS]

  old coca-cola sign that kind of thing [TS]

  yeah but but the Spaghetti Warehouse had [TS]

  it was very old-timey it was very [TS]

  streetcar in the middle of the of the [TS]

  restaurant spot and yeah they would have [TS]

  worn gaiters on there or like believe [TS]

  stop yes exactly so it appears that so [TS]

  did you ever stick a nail was was always [TS]

  loomed large in my childhood you didn't [TS]

  have those well sticking out was like [TS]

  again it's a little bit medieval you go [TS]

  in the menu is on a cleaver they hand [TS]

  you a cleaver weighs a couple pounds and [TS]

  that [TS]

  got the menu on it but it's not a sharp [TS]

  libra it's a donkey it's a pretty dull [TS]

  cleaver it's a medieval cleaver and they [TS]

  give you the menu on that so this is a [TS]

  page at Bennigan's calm which apparently [TS]

  now owns take a nail and this is this is [TS]

  a certain kind of webpage that I really [TS]

  enjoy that was never written for a human [TS]

  being the headline on the pages thank [TS]

  you for your interest well and being a [TS]

  part of the legendary family of brands [TS]

  Bennigan's Bennigan's on the fly and [TS]

  steak and ale that's the interest that [TS]

  they're thanking you for we are pleased [TS]

  to share some information about our [TS]

  beloved brands once you've read through [TS]

  these materials we would welcome the [TS]

  opportunity to speak franchise created [TS]

  in 1966 by Norman breaker period once [TS]

  revered for its once revered for its [TS]

  succulent prime rib warm bread and [TS]

  bountiful salad bar sticky nail is [TS]

  poised for an epic comeback redefining I [TS]

  think I'm doing munch squad redefined as [TS]

  a 21st century polished casual consular [TS]

  elements that made it an American [TS]

  classic the new sticky nail will once [TS]

  again set the standard for affordable [TS]

  stay guided and supported by an expert [TS]

  operations and management team qualified [TS]

  franchisees have the opportunity to [TS]

  generate a media consumer loyalty by [TS]

  bringing back a beloved restaurant [TS]

  blessed with decades of goodwill and [TS]

  brand equity whoa blessed they just put [TS]

  it right out you're getting what I'm [TS]

  getting from this though this is kind of [TS]

  like boy this is my 67 Mustang that [TS]

  nobody hasn't been able to start in 30 [TS]

  years won't it be great you imagine [TS]

  yourself driving this thing how great [TS]

  that is gonna be does it have a little [TS]

  bit that feel to it well the people that [TS]

  open franchises that's always been very [TS]

  curious to me right it's like I want to [TS]

  own a restaurant but I don't want to [TS]

  think about it I don't want to think [TS]

  about all that restaurant e stuff like [TS]

  right what kind of restaurant what we [TS]

  what it what what our menu is like a [TS]

  very retired sports guy thing to do yeah [TS]

  like owning a Pawnee what exactly you [TS]

  want to like invest in this turnkey [TS]

  operation isn't that kind of like isn't [TS]

  that the appeal to a lot of people's [TS]

  like okay I have $150,000 [TS]

  to invest in something I want something [TS]

  that's gonna grow and I don't have to do [TS]

  too much work on so I become a [TS]

  franchisee yeah and there's a ton of [TS]

  there are other franchisees out there [TS]

  who are gonna help me figure out how to [TS]

  hire a manager and then I really got a [TS]

  great operations team at Bennigan's I [TS]

  bet they do and you know they're like [TS]

  McDonald's franchisees a lot of them [TS]

  have five or six different restaurants [TS]

  and they're just like we're I guess [TS]

  raking in the dough yeah you can tell [TS]

  the franchisee McDonald's it's not this [TS]

  it's really interesting to think that [TS]

  well first of all who's gonna go to the [TS]

  steak and ale web website obviously they [TS]

  don't think it's gonna be a customer now [TS]

  who wants to see the menu they don't [TS]

  think we should look at this you and me [TS]

  it's the title the page is owned a steak [TS]

  and ale dress here you just let them [TS]

  know you can help bring back this [TS]

  American classic all right I'm looking [TS]

  up steak and ale here host well no stop [TS]

  speaking [TS]

  speaking [TS]

  yeah here you go slash Bennigan's Wow oh [TS]

  and it had you sort of like a a brand on [TS]

  wood mm-hmm so that that would suggest [TS]

  Western but then I see that the other [TS]

  logo is a shield establish 1966 which [TS]

  was a heyday for medieval period oh this [TS]

  is great oh my gosh they've built out a [TS]

  whole site for this step one Weiss take [TS]

  a nail the new stick a nail offers a [TS]

  contemporary cost-effective franchise [TS]

  opportunity for with a highly [TS]

  recognizable brand and jumping down our [TS]

  franchisees benefit from a state of the [TS]

  art restaurant prototype computing unit [TS]

  economics low cost of entry contemporary [TS]

  look with iconic elements warm intimate [TS]

  atmosphere smaller footprint to increase [TS]

  real-estate flexibility right right [TS]

  right right small footprint investment [TS]

  profile you get a polished casual [TS]

  experience at a casual dining price [TS]

  point yeah franchise might be localized [TS]

  and they appeal to multiple generations [TS]

  so so here's my question yeah I know [TS]

  what a Bennigan's is and I know what a [TS]

  steak a nail is but what is a Bennigan's [TS]

  on the fly I think a Bennigan's on the [TS]

  fly it's gonna be like that you know how [TS]

  shitty Chili's is but then you get to [TS]

  even shittier Chili's next to Chili's in [TS]

  an airport what's that called Chili's to [TS]

  go chili squirts like that I bet it's a [TS]

  little squirts I bet it's like that with [TS]

  the benning's on the flight let's find [TS]

  out about betting it's on-the-fly [TS]

  Bennigan's on the fly I just feel like [TS]

  you you could not say that without [TS]

  making a little bit of a hip hop gesture [TS]

  with your hands like a little bit of I [TS]

  did it with a little bit you hit it with [TS]

  some backwards palm out uh-huh [TS]

  like like back of hand out accentuation [TS]

  Hawks on Teague oh and guess what same [TS]

  number same email address thank you for [TS]

  interest in being part of the legendary [TS]

  family of brands Bennigan's you can buy [TS]

  a Bennigan's Bennigan's is a high-energy [TS]

  neighborhood restaurant and tavern that [TS]

  is redefining casual dining Wow again Oh [TS]

  bleats green demonstrates a 25/8 focus [TS]

  on supporting our franchise community [TS]

  25/8 [TS]

  they bleed green oh they're they're [TS]

  making a connection to their Irish roots [TS]

  they bleed green and the demonstrative [TS]

  25/8 folk [TS]

  that's like you know the Beatles eight [TS]

  days a week 25 hours a day eight days a [TS]

  week [TS]

  I think it's what that 25 825 825 no [TS]

  they don't really say 25 eight dancing [TS]

  quotes 25 hours a day eight days a week [TS]

  all the forms pretty long you thought a [TS]

  form I'm just saying you and me I don't [TS]

  know what guy I don't have a lot extra [TS]

  dough right now but like I'm thinking [TS]

  maybe between you me you know Ken [TS]

  Jennings when we go in and I'm like a [TS]

  bet against or a stick in hell I'm gonna [TS]

  leave nothing here so you know what i [TS]

  just did i clicked on Bennigan's fran [TS]

  franchise opportunities international oh [TS]

  and that actually has a five-step [TS]

  process yeah step one why Bennigan's [TS]

  stem to growth markets yeah yeah they [TS]

  got it for all of them I'm telling you [TS]

  that you click on domestic you get this [TS]

  - but not for international I bet that's [TS]

  a good deal more complicated for [TS]

  international well so here's here's what [TS]

  I see when I click on the growth markets [TS]

  map I see several Bennigan's in Mexico [TS]

  looks more than a handful and then one [TS]

  that appears to be in Ankara Turkey oh [TS]

  yeah look at that and one in South Korea [TS]

  okay oh oh at least Wow is that a shadow [TS]

  or there - oh there might be two - in [TS]

  South Korea one in one in Turkey or [TS]

  maybe on the island of Crete [TS]

  it's hard to tell exactly because they [TS]

  won't let me zoom in on the map I know [TS]

  it's very far there's not a single one [TS]

  in Europe I feel like you could put [TS]

  thirty of these in Saudi Arabia [TS]

  oh absolutely put some TVs up but then [TS]

  you look at the sign and it says [TS]

  American fare Irish hospitality Irish [TS]

  hospitality okay when you think of [TS]

  hospitality yeah I guess taking Irish [TS]

  you really do think of the Irish current [TS]

  promotions well I you know obviously [TS]

  this is gonna be an oh my goodness oh my [TS]

  goodness I'm on the now I'm on the [TS]

  current promotions page for Bennigan's [TS]

  the yolo Monta burger that's got some [TS]

  kind of a cream on it and it's got a [TS]

  sauce on top of the bun that's a very [TS]

  Irish name Yolo mana dellamonte [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  yolo Monta like on Hollywood Squares at [TS]

  some point tell me tell me do you think [TS]

  yeah you me owning a franchise [TS]

  restaurant [TS]

  let's start start with the relationship [TS]

  not the property right right we'll find [TS]

  the property that matches what it is [TS]

  that we're about I think you and if with [TS]

  the two of us we're gonna open a [TS]

  franchise restaurant we would pick a [TS]

  third city that's neither of our cities [TS]

  right like we could put one in Missoula [TS]

  Montana let's say is it selfish for us [TS]

  to want the kinds of foods that we like [TS]

  to have at certain times of day because [TS]

  I feel like a big part is a passion [TS]

  project we're like you're not just gonna [TS]

  go into this as an investor this is a [TS]

  lifestyle job like if we're gonna really [TS]

  put our back into it there should [TS]

  probably be some dim sum so you want to [TS]

  put this in a city where you can go and [TS]

  kind of be be the boss be the big can [TS]

  turn it what if we just don't care and [TS]

  it's really just about making money [TS]

  that's another way to look at it yeah [TS]

  like it sits in Winnemucca Nevada and [TS]

  neither of us ever go there put in [TS]

  Bakersfield or we could open two of them [TS]

  one in Seattle and one in in San [TS]

  Francisco I just wonder if you're the [TS]

  owner of a Bennigan's on the fly yes can [TS]

  you be one of those people that's like [TS]

  well that's the that's the bosses table [TS]

  like the table always has a reserved but [TS]

  tent on it and you're just like I that's [TS]

  you know we keep that for the boss cuz [TS]

  he comes in all the time and once a I [TS]

  understand what you're saying you're [TS]

  saying look I'm more than the franchisee [TS]

  like I'm the owner well yeah if I don't [TS]

  want to have potatoes on this menu guess [TS]

  what no potatoes on that menu this is [TS]

  the way John likes it you cook the [TS]

  burgers the way you like it the only [TS]

  reason I would open a restaurant is to [TS]

  give myself somewhere to go every day [TS]

  you get a big table you get a bank at [TS]

  like a big curvy banquette well yeah we [TS]

  you that's all just always reserved for [TS]

  John you sit in there sometimes people [TS]

  come over and I'm gonna pay you in [TS]

  installments and you're like no I'm [TS]

  afraid you're not I'm afraid you're [TS]

  gonna give me that 50 grand by Friday or [TS]

  and then a guy a really big guy breaks [TS]

  knuckles to give him a breadstick yeah [TS]

  you kind of stand he takes two steps [TS]

  closer to him sort of like sort of like [TS]

  the Mountain Inn [TS]

  all exactly you step a little bit too [TS]

  close to the Queen yeah he never says [TS]

  anything you cannot pick up ideas now [TS]

  what got a de Deus what if you had like [TS]

  a raised area not precisely an Iron [TS]

  Throne well like an iron bank at what if [TS]

  you got an area that was just for John [TS]

  and the people that he invited into [TS]

  court it would absolutely be a little [TS]

  bit higher than anything else in the [TS]

  room it would be it's like when you go [TS]

  to the pharmacy right just just enough [TS]

  to be kind of annoying a little bit [TS]

  higher yeah and then the tip the chairs [TS]

  on the other side of the table all have [TS]

  their legs cut down like just an inch [TS]

  just all the customers chairs have the [TS]

  diagonals of legs just like an eighth of [TS]

  an inch shorter so you're never quite [TS]

  comfortable yeah they're always kind of [TS]

  sitting there well you know what's your [TS]

  customers you want your customers to [TS]

  come back it's just the people that are [TS]

  sitting them close to you oh it was [TS]

  close to you well I think it's a good [TS]

  idea for you to keep everybody on their [TS]

  toes they go with piles of paper and [TS]

  also wearing sunglasses that are tinted [TS]

  at the top but not as a bother [TS]

  it's kind of like Jim Jones franchise [TS]

  opportunity and they keep like three [TS]

  times the day they come out put a steak [TS]

  in front of that's the only reason I [TS]

  would open a Bennigan's on the fly to [TS]

  give myself that the waiters be allowed [TS]

  to vape not during no working hours but [TS]

  you can stand in the back of the kitchen [TS]

  you can stand in the back of the kitchen [TS]

  and bake a fan's back there but I like [TS]

  those kinds of places that are like the [TS]

  low what you're describing though I've [TS]

  seen a lot at like you know one owner [TS]

  one-off restaurants where there will be [TS]

  a table that the owner always sits at [TS]

  and basically conducts business from I [TS]

  think you could fuck this up real good [TS]

  regardless you know yeah I like the idea [TS]

  of a turnkey operation though maybe some [TS]

  place that used to be a Pizza Hut and [TS]

  then it was a dentist office and now [TS]

  you're gonna make it into John's [TS]

  restaurant or yeah an old Taco Bell [TS]

  where the roof line or all the time in [TS]

  Washington you see like really old [TS]

  international houses of pancakes where [TS]

  they have that super tall blue [TS]

  yes yeah unmistakable but you know like [TS]

  an a-frame tall roof but now it's a Thai [TS]

  restaurant there's a there's mini sites [TS]

  like this one I'm looking at right now [TS]

  is used to be a Pizza Hut dot blog [TS] kind of that red which is like [TS]

  Taco Bell I hop in Pizza Hut you can't [TS]

  wash that off that's always I mean no [TS]

  matter how much good dental work you [TS]

  doing there it's always gonna be a Taco [TS]

  Bell used to be this is the kind of [TS]

  website that makes me so happy [TS]

  oh god John used to be a pizza found it [TS]

  good and not fooling anybody calm oh my [TS]

  god used to be a pizza it has a world [TS]

  map uh-huh cupboard with doubt with dots [TS]

  where you can go to all be used to be a [TS]

  Pizza Huts Oh what's the other once it [TS]

  was called clear your calendar I'm not [TS]

  fooling anybody calm and then you click [TS]

  on original restaurants show me [TS]

  everything that used to be an Arby's [TS]

  everything that used to be a very [TS]

  important website this could be this [TS]

  could really guide us who are these [TS]

  would want to be what Ken Jennings want [TS]

  to be maybe like a like a silent partner [TS]

  on this do you think you know he's uh he [TS]

  he's pretty guards his brand pretty [TS]

  carefully right he's not he doesn't want [TS]

  to just go out and open us monthly [TS]

  agreed to be silent - oh I see what [TS]

  you're saying you know he's silent we're [TS]

  silent we don't even talk about it he [TS]

  just gets a check a couple years Marland [TS]

  I forgot entirely about fotomat now what [TS]

  did what became a fotomat the smoke it's [TS]

  a drive-up cigarette store oh look at [TS]

  that [TS]

  that I love photo mats are things I'm [TS]

  choosing anybody calm has a manifesto [TS]

  okay oh it is not without the bitter [TS]

  taste of self-awareness specifically [TS]

  about the overwhelmingly crass and [TS]

  commercial and indeed downtrodden and [TS]

  dreary bleakly suburban and economically [TS]

  grim and premature of the content of [TS]

  this site that we at NFA not fooling [TS]

  anybody embark on our quest to document [TS]

  bad conversions oh this is a labor of [TS]

  love for some nutjob [TS]

  friends god it's like them I know a gal [TS]

  who has an Instagram page which is just [TS]

  called street seats and what she wants [TS]

  is you to send her any picture of a [TS]

  chair or couch that someone has put out [TS]

  on the sidewalk oh there's a tumblr [TS]

  called want to take a nap and it's just [TS]

  mattresses on the street field guide the [TS]

  field guide to comment bad conversions [TS]

  okay so this is they don't they do have [TS]

  pond or I hop you got to be blind to [TS]

  miss an IHOP those ginormous a-frame [TS]

  restaurants make excellent conversions [TS]

  into all kinds of strange things from [TS]

  car dealerships to supermarkets Hardee's [TS]

  and Carl's jr. friendlies yep Long John [TS]

  Silver's Dairy Queen well they have [TS]

  ponderosas here you were talking about [TS]

  them pond Ponderosa I think they're [TS]

  still around diesel I abandoned around [TS]

  the city as well as the open range look [TS]

  for high vertical beige oh yes of course [TS]

  it's very distinctive and they've got a [TS]

  very helpful little guide here oh the [TS]

  Kettering Chiropractic Center you know [TS]

  hopefully that used to be it that used [TS]

  to be a Ponderosa here's a question I've [TS]

  always wanted to ask somebody and [TS]

  there's really nobody I nobody better [TS]

  than you to ask yeah please what is the [TS]

  deal with Wiener schnitzel I've never [TS]

  I've never known that sounds like one of [TS]

  those things they mention in a movie [TS]

  based in like LA and I just don't know [TS]

  what it means [TS]

  it's a hot dog place it's a hot dog [TS]

  place but the problem is Wiener [TS]

  schnitzel or yeah if you will the Vayner [TS]

  schnitzel that's an actual dish is a [TS]

  veal it's like a pounded pork cutlet [TS]

  that's it there you go [TS]

  what an actual meal it's a it's an [TS]

  actual venous Nets of the Austrian dish [TS]

  is not a hot dog or sausage of any kind [TS]

  eat this cutlet out of place but if I [TS]

  went in expecting this cutlet and got [TS]

  the offer of hot dogs I think I'd be [TS]

  sorely disappointed yeah someone in a [TS]

  weird hat that's got hot dogs on [TS]

  lemonade which were the two things that [TS]

  they served at weenus is strange and [TS]

  you're just like if you want to put the [TS]

  word Wiener in something yeah [TS]

  go right ahead call it a war you know [TS]

  call it a wiener popper I think that was [TS]

  a journey as a castle Kessler's schloss [TS]

  maybe Venus loss would be nerf loss [TS]

  because the response but also we should [TS]

  put [TS]

  if anybody wants to draw that up as a [TS]

  concept where we're willing to franchise [TS]

  would be fine we may we may we're [TS]

  looking at a lot of offers right now as [TS]

  you can tell we still got a lot of ideas [TS]

  in the air I wish we use somebody that [TS]

  could do Internet coding we could get [TS]

  maybe we get damn Benjamin to do it [TS]

  CODIS up a site beaner lost comm and we [TS]

  put Gila called the Venus lost method we [TS]

  put it right next to Venus missiles [TS]

  except all we serve is the inner [TS]

  schnitzel yeah take that in mint and [TS]

  then they're like oh we got hot dogs [TS]

  it's like boy this is hot sorry buddies [TS]

  who's disappointed now right you come in [TS]

  your own place you think it's gonna be [TS]

  hot dogs fuck that [TS]

  you're gonna collect a cutlet pork pork [TS]

  pounded cutlets breaded and fried with [TS]

  an egg on it the thing is that if you go [TS]

  across Europe a schnitzel is the basic [TS]

  food item in any place like any time you [TS]

  walk into a pub and sit down and open [TS]

  the menu there are six kinds of [TS]

  schnitzel it's the first thing on the [TS]

  this is there many cultures that feature [TS]

  something like a schnitzel yes schnitzel [TS]

  schnitzel everywhere mr. schnitzel ah [TS]

  schnitzel that famous song that song by [TS]

  heidi Gruber Schmitz which was it's [TS]

  raining schnitzel Holly it's raining [TS]

  schnitzel ah schnitzel and as you go [TS]

  down yeah the Venus nintzel is the last [TS]

  thing on the menu and it always has an [TS]

  egg on it or whatever mm-hmm so you need [TS]

  to go no no oh tonkatsu yeah that would [TS]

  count [TS]

  tonkatsu I could see that counting it's [TS]

  so smooth that's a kind of a schnitzel [TS]

  we're skipping over we're really burying [TS]

  the lede [TS]

  what do you can do about a phone now [TS]

  because this is I mean really this is [TS]

  probably should say this for the next [TS]

  episode this could be a whole thing but [TS]

  have you made a decision about what to [TS]

  do next about a phone so here's the [TS]

  thing I lost the phone I decided I was [TS]

  gonna go without a phone see how that [TS]

  worked [TS]

  see what happened because I I needed to [TS]

  get the phone out of my head because the [TS]

  energy problems the well and just like [TS]

  I'm just like I [TS]

  kans you're thinking about your phone [TS]

  all the time even when you're not [TS]

  looking at it so you're walking around [TS]

  and like 10% of your head is just always [TS]

  in your phone yeah and I was just [TS]

  noticing like anytime I had a moment I [TS]

  looked at my phone any time I would come [TS]

  in the house and I'd be like oh what a [TS]

  tough day and my kid would go get a book [TS]

  and I would go look at my phone and then [TS]

  she would come out she'd be done with [TS]

  her book and she'd come out and say like [TS]

  hey and I'd still be a looking at the [TS]

  phone so I left the phone and I was like [TS]

  no phone how do you like that [TS]

  and it was even good it would leave it [TS]

  man it was tough because in the course [TS]

  of a day there are always a couple of [TS]

  times when it's like okay I'm in transit [TS]

  now I'm leaving my house and I'm going [TS]

  to somewhere yeah and now nobody can get [TS]

  in touch with me and that's how we lived [TS]

  our entire lives but now it is an [TS]

  impossible problem for people yeah and [TS]

  then I was getting text from a lot of [TS]

  people including you and people were [TS]

  like are you okay and I got a couple of [TS]

  Instagram messages that were like hey [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  what's going on in your life ya notice [TS]

  you haven't posted in a while and I was [TS]

  like I'm fine with this I am fine with [TS]

  this because I don't have this monkey on [TS]

  my back no more monkey and then I said [TS]

  you I mean the thing is you you you want [TS]

  cold turkey it's sort of like if you get [TS]

  really really sick and you stop eating [TS]

  and drinking coffee you go you know this [TS]

  is a good opportunity for me to just [TS]

  quit drinking coffee I've already quit [TS]

  drinking coffee I would just be [TS]

  continuing not drinking coffee right [TS]

  that's right it was visited upon you [TS]

  that's how you quit smoking you get sick [TS]

  and you're like I can't smoke and you [TS]

  get really sick you can't smoke for [TS]

  seven days and then you're you're [TS]

  through the worst of it mm-hmm but so I [TS]

  was without it and then we were going to [TS]

  Washington DC and my daughter's mother [TS]

  said you can't go to Washington DC and [TS]

  not have a phone I was like yeah okay [TS]

  and then she opens a drawer and says I [TS]

  have an old iPhone six here you go [TS]

  pretty good it's a nice huh uh-huh so [TS]

  what I did was I switched SIM cards [TS]

  right without doing anything else so all [TS]

  of a sudden I had like her old phone [TS]

  full of her old [TS]

  address book and stuff but all it did [TS]

  was but you could call me and some smile [TS]

  it was just it was a phone call [TS]

  receiving device right but and I'm [TS]

  explicably it had every once in a while [TS]

  one of my texts would come through about [TS]

  20% of people's people sending me texts [TS]

  came through and it allowed me to go on [TS]

  the internet those were the three things [TS]

  that could do okay [TS]

  and from the internet I could go to [TS]

  Gmail and look at my mail but I sort of [TS]

  was like yeah whatever you know and so I [TS]

  went around so for two weeks I had no [TS]

  smartphone I didn't I haven't posted [TS]

  really to anything and so here's what [TS]

  happened so and I was like I'm gonna get [TS]

  a flip phone I'm done with smart phones [TS]

  I'm gonna be like granddad with one of [TS]

  those flip phones that has really big [TS]

  buttons oh nice and then I will text my [TS]

  friends with no punctuation and you're [TS]

  going all in you're going on it's gonna [TS]

  be old old school old school but what [TS]

  happened was at the end of the day I [TS]

  would go sit at my laptop and conduct [TS]

  whatever small amount of business came [TS]

  in through email and I swear to you [TS]

  Merlin the thing that was the thing that [TS]

  part of me that hole in in my life that [TS]

  used to be fulfilled by the cell phone [TS]

  mm-hm [TS]

  I immediately went back on 4chan no like [TS]

  to fortune Oh [TS]

  fortune has changed a lot since I was [TS]

  there five years ago more toxic John [TS]

  well all of the old people that were [TS]

  like let's go doc somebody or likes raid [TS]

  this website devoted to cheerleaders or [TS]

  let's just you know anonymous all those [TS]

  guys are gone as far as I can tell and [TS]

  all that's on there now is like post [TS]

  naked you know do you have any naked [TS]

  pictures of your girlfriend post them [TS]

  or there's a new thing that never [TS]

  existed before which is rate my dick [TS]

  rate my dick right where people just [TS]

  take a picture of their dick it's like [TS]

  to take a photograph of their penis and [TS]

  they put on the website and then people [TS]

  offer like encouraging remarks yeah like [TS]

  oh you've got a nice dick or holies [TS]

  you've got a big dick and then they're [TS]

  because it's anonymous right then [TS]

  there's like oh I have a small dick yes [TS]

  yes you do have a small dick yes and [TS]

  there's probably 14 of those threads [TS]

  every day and that was you never saw [TS]

  somebody like rape my dick back in the [TS]

  back in 2010 there's nobody does [TS]

  anything anytime and nobody like does [TS]

  anything in the outside world everyone [TS]

  smiles somebody will be like this guy's [TS]

  a jerk let's send a bunch of pizzas to [TS]

  his house and the only replies will be [TS]

  not your personal army nobody wants to [TS]

  do anything Oh [TS]

  today they've lost the fire and then all [TS]

  the what used to be Gore threads who are [TS]

  now called rekt threads and I know [TS]

  enough from my own personal experience [TS]

  looking at Gore threads that I do not [TS]

  want anything to do with them I do not [TS]

  click on them or look at them at all [TS]

  because I don't want to see people die [TS]

  no and what else is different about [TS]

  4chan it's just mostly porn now it's [TS]

  like furry paws that's disappointing [TS]

  that's very disliked it's really the [TS]

  bottom went out him but so so I went [TS]

  back to porch and I'm just and it's like [TS]

  what is wrong with me does anybody [TS]

  remember laws yeah what about lols what [TS]

  is wrong with me that I can't that [TS]

  there's something we're not having my [TS]

  not having my social media stuff right [TS]

  at hand [TS]

  mm-hmm I went to this like you thought [TS]

  you saw the surrogate without even [TS]

  realizing it yeah this weird blonde the [TS]

  whole of the internet and every once [TS]

  while somebody will start a thread who [TS]

  are like I used to come on this site and [TS]

  I was gone for a long time and now I [TS]

  came back and you guys suck speaking [TS]

  speaking the truth to power but the [TS]

  thing is this is another thing somebody [TS]

  will put put a thread up that's like all [TS]

  right everybody check in like who's out [TS]

  there and it's astonishing there are [TS]

  probably 50% of the people [TS]

  twenty four years old but then there are [TS]

  all these people that are like I'm 55 [TS]

  years old my work for the FBI or I'm you [TS]

  know 49 and independently wealthy and [TS]

  and like people from all walks of life [TS]

  are still on they're still creeping on [TS]

  this what do you say when you check in I [TS]

  do not I have never the silent majority [TS]

  I am I am but I'm the lurker [TS]

  I never post on there I don't even [TS]

  animus your sub anonymous I'm sub [TS]

  anonymous I don't want to go on there [TS]

  and be like hey everybody here's my [TS]

  thoughts on stuff like no thank you [TS]

  you ever been tempted to put your dick [TS]

  up though okay you're confident in what [TS]

  you've got you think you don't need the [TS]

  input the feed but I don't need anybody [TS]

  reading mine absolutely by I mean I mean [TS]

  here's offer offer up you know a [TS]

  compliment like unprovoked that can be a [TS]

  very nice thing it's very nice right [TS]

  doesn't respect a compliment especially [TS]

  nice to you to say thank you for saying [TS]

  that [TS]

  my experience of women generally in the [TS]

  world is that they learned at a young [TS]

  age to be very careful when talking to [TS]

  men about other men or making [TS]

  comparisons between them and other men [TS]

  because men are fragile let's be honest [TS]

  fragile like a crystal goblet we want to [TS]

  believe this is not only the greatest [TS]

  dick they've ever seen but probably the [TS]

  only dick yeah and you know and and and [TS]

  yeah exactly you you want to think like [TS]

  oh this new girl that I'm dating has [TS]

  been with other people surely I'm not [TS]

  some guy that's like weird mm-hmm but [TS]

  please not that many people and please [TS]

  not don't have a lot of things to say [TS]

  about me my technique in my body except [TS]

  just like oh you are the best honey some [TS]

  just start offering up oh you're the [TS]

  best honey like every woman in the [TS]

  country or in the world just either they [TS]

  learn this at a young age from their [TS]

  from their women folk or they just [TS]

  intuitively know it but so infrequently [TS]

  well you meet somebody who's like you [TS]

  know compared to my last boyfriend you [TS]

  are X yeah because I think it just men [TS]

  are too delicate it's it's it's okay [TS]

  obviously most men are going to feel [TS]

  very fragile about [TS]

  a comparison then they didn't win but [TS]

  even the fact that there's a comparison [TS]

  I think is kind of mind-blowing to a lot [TS]

  of people well I [TS]

  well there's even a house there even a [TS]

  race here like I've obviously got to be [TS]

  the best at this and I think as men are [TS]

  very competitive with each other and if [TS]

  you set up a competition between you of [TS]

  guy the new boyfriend and an invisible [TS]

  ex that they cannot know so that they [TS]

  cannot directly compete with them is [TS]

  just there they are in the fog then that [TS]

  competition that you know the [TS]

  competitive spirit has nowhere to go [TS]

  except turn internally and be like I bet [TS]

  that last boyfriend was better somehow [TS]

  and it's just all the insecurities like [TS]

  I did early on I had a girlfriend that [TS]

  was like my last boyfriend one time rode [TS]

  his motorcycle up the stairs of my house [TS]

  to come in to my room in his leather [TS]

  pants and ravaged me and I was like oh [TS]

  great well I'm not gonna do any of those [TS]

  things so I hope that you're content [TS]

  with me coming by sometimes suggestion [TS]

  she was the thing she might like again [TS]

  she was saying it to me in the sense of [TS]

  like what she wanted to establish was [TS]

  that I was the lucky one I was lucky Oh [TS]

  to be with her she was not lucky to be [TS]

  with me elephant power move yeah and it [TS]

  was clear to us both that she was not [TS]

  lucky to be with me because I did not [TS]

  ride a motorcycle up her stairs I never [TS]

  wore leather pants I was not even a [TS]

  heroin addict I called for it I was not [TS]

  really a Ravager I was not nor was I a [TS]

  rapper I would go through the cupboards [TS]

  and see if there was anything to eat [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  I would like mildly Ravager yeah right [TS]

  boy you know like a wet ravaged yeah [TS]

  then I lay around bro I'll go look for [TS]

  some more food I'd layer her lay around [TS]

  get a little bit more food maybe this [TS]

  time I would bring her a little little [TS]

  bit [TS]

  jillee glass of water you're like a [TS]

  friendly bear and then as the Sun went [TS]

  down I'd be like well time I mean I'm [TS]

  headed to the bar I'd invite you to join [TS]

  me but you wouldn't have any fun and I [TS]

  think over the course of our [TS]

  relationship [TS]

  what happened was my toe misses it this [TS]

  happened multiple times my complete lack [TS]

  of ability to even pretend to try flip [TS]

  to the power dynamic so that eventually [TS]

  it did seem like I was the prize you [TS]

  imagine that poor bastard that came next [TS]

  you know she'd been okay listen you know [TS]

  last guy I was with he would he would go [TS]

  through my cabinet so the guy it was [TS]

  retroactive the guy with the leather [TS]

  pants who rode his motorcycle up the [TS]

  stairs like where is he now huh like [TS]

  basically she's with me now buddy so [TS]

  yeah like want to ride your motorcycle [TS]

  down the stairs and back out onto the [TS]

  street where a motorcycle belongs he's [TS]

  not gonna be welcome in our restaurant [TS]

  but I don't do that anymore now I'm very [TS]

  very I'm very attentive I hardly ever go [TS]

  through someone's cupboard for yourself [TS]

  okay [TS]

  [Music] [TS]