Roderick on the Line

Ep. 256: "Behind My Skis"


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  supertrain hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going good seems like [TS]

  it's been a long time since I've talked [TS]

  to you I think it has been yeah [TS]

  August is complicated oh sorry I'm a [TS]

  little bit behind my skis here I got a [TS]

  late start I just left the house late I [TS]

  didn't time it well today yeah I see I [TS]

  see what you're saying but I'm here you [TS]

  you were here before me so you know you [TS]

  get a you get a badge today [TS]

  well yeah I'm just you know I don't need [TS]

  your stinking badges well it's so nice I [TS]

  mean you probably put in a box or [TS]

  something right I do have a box for the [TS]

  bet I have a box for badges there's some [TS]

  other recent badges that you've gotten [TS]

  any kind of it could be a major or minor [TS]

  award any kind of just being recognized [TS]

  have you gotten any ribbons or ribbons I [TS]

  do I have a recent ribbon for you know [TS]

  my King Neptune came with a sash various [TS]

  sort of adornments but but also like a [TS]

  ribbon with a star on it that looks kind [TS]

  of like a type of metal you would get [TS]

  from the king of Belgium oh wow and it [TS]

  goes great on a blazer and you can wear [TS]

  it without you know you show up to a [TS]

  party in a sash and it's it's like I've [TS]

  always loved that in like in older [TS]

  movies especially I'm thinking movies up [TS]

  through the 70s and the 80s probably but [TS]

  thinking I'm going all the way back to [TS]

  something like maybe duck soup where [TS]

  you've got like somebody who's going to [TS]

  be a how do you how does one put this [TS]

  represents some primitive country [TS]

  aha so but like so whether that's a guy [TS]

  from Asia or Africa or whatever I love I [TS]

  love the blending of something local [TS]

  primitive and tribal with [TS]

  thing incredibly Western so to be like a [TS]

  guy like a cool Sufi turban guy like but [TS]

  with a suit jacket you know I think [TS]

  that's a good look especially for a [TS]

  villain that's a great great look and [TS]

  there's nothing wrong with that and some [TS]

  epaulets and and some ribbons to that [TS]

  and a little bit of an ornamental star [TS]

  yeah the colonial like sort of pomp [TS]

  eight jacket somebody who's like you [TS]

  know who's let's say they're a member of [TS]

  the they're of a common what would you [TS]

  be you're a subject a subject of a [TS]

  Commonwealth yeah what who not it was [TS]

  yeah - okay okay you could be like the [TS]

  grand mage of the Duchy of Portlandia [TS]

  Portlandia what's the matter what [TS]

  happened what I did I lose you [TS]

  no no I just I'm I'm I'm realizing I [TS]

  don't get enough sleep pretty strongly [TS]

  pretty strongly right now right in this [TS]

  very moment hmm right just him like I as [TS]

  I was setting up for the show I was like [TS]

  I'm fine right right I'm fine I've [TS]

  gotten enough sleep yes enough enough [TS]

  sleep talk about the show on the show [TS]

  but we should mention something to our [TS]

  listeners may I mention something to our [TS]

  listeners passingly personal no for a [TS]

  very long time I'm gonna talk about the [TS]

  show on the show for a minute because [TS]

  everything that's on the show is in the [TS]

  show okay so here's it's good and I'm [TS]

  also breaking the other rule by [TS]

  addressing adjusting I'm addressing our [TS]

  listeners you're definitely never want [TS]

  to address in them I'm going to address [TS]

  in them this one time I'm donning my [TS]

  sash Wow [TS]

  I missed my Sufi blazer for a very long [TS]

  time John Roderick and I have recorded [TS]

  this program hmm sometimes we reschedule [TS]

  but like pretty consistently every [TS]

  Monday at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time [TS]

  whatever that's that you got a saving or [TS]

  an on save [TS]

  they like we recorded at 10:00 and then [TS]

  I put the show pretty quickly after that [TS]

  you were you were doing the kinds of [TS]

  things one does toward the end of the [TS]

  summer rejiggering your schedule getting [TS]

  things straightened out and you asked me [TS]

  something that I found shocking given [TS]

  that we don't always start exactly at [TS]

  10:00 for a variety of reasons but you [TS]

  said to me that you wanted to start [TS]

  recording our program 1 hour earlier on [TS]

  Mondays at 9:00 a.m. Pacific Terrace and [TS]

  as is so often the case off air with you [TS]

  I said yeah you did you said exactly [TS]

  that [TS]

  that's kinda said that about a couple [TS]

  things in the past and that was one of [TS]

  them I said yeah you sure you want to do [TS]

  that and you were you were uh you [TS]

  weren't having it do you were like yes [TS]

  this is a thing that I want to do I want [TS]

  to be a person who is who is up earlier [TS]

  you have things to do and this would [TS]

  help you conduct your life in a better [TS]

  way if we started recording the show [TS]

  earlier yeah and I said sure and you [TS]

  know what so far it's gone pretty well [TS]

  yeah now here's the yeah yeah here's the [TS]

  other thing I want to address in you I [TS]

  know what you're talking about because [TS]

  my most of the things all the great [TS]

  shows in which I am involved with the [TS]

  exception of the show with our friend [TS]

  Jon Stewart Kisa all the programs I do [TS]

  start recording usually 11 10 9 a.m. and [TS]

  thing is I have all the great a.m. all [TS]

  the great names and I'll say to myself [TS]

  I'll say you know you're fine you're [TS]

  good you've had a coffee and then the [TS]

  time for talking mouths words starts and [TS]

  I realize I'm not really ready so I [TS]

  guess my question as I address in you is [TS]

  do you regret the change would it would [TS]

  have made any as Todd as Todd Rundgren [TS]

  asked the musical question would it have [TS]

  made any difference do you feel like I [TS]

  do songs [TS]

  Peter Frampton but close enough no it's [TS]

  Lundgren Lundgren he's that guy Sufi [TS]

  blazer yeah [TS]

  Todd Lundgren he's the one that wants [TS]

  you to work on Saturdays [TS]

  difference if you really love me today [TS]

  you know we can go back to ten we could [TS]

  make it 11 we could do it at night big [TS]

  coffee and now the Stewart's fountain [TS]

  classic orange and cream flavored soda I [TS]

  wish that I was so far into my day that [TS]

  an orange soda was even possible yeah [TS]

  as you were talking that not that I [TS]

  wasn't you know like really right on the [TS]

  rails of the of everything you were [TS]

  saying but also I was like when did I [TS]

  send my last text last night we talked [TS]

  at 9:05 Pacific time you and I did yes I [TS]

  know fuck but I get my traditional [TS]

  reminding my traditional reminding of [TS]

  the show yeah and that's great that you [TS]

  do that you're like remember was it is [TS]

  it great it's not annoying it's still [TS]

  you still like it right no it's [TS]

  wonderful because it makes certain that [TS]

  it makes certain that we do that I know [TS]

  that we keep the skis on the rails [TS]

  though we keep the skis on the rails and [TS]

  so the last text I said last night was [TS]

  at 3:37 a.m. what and then I got a text [TS]

  I don't have to pee at that point yeah I [TS]

  know 337 I got a text from somebody at [TS]

  343 but I was so between 337 and 343 is [TS]

  when I finally lay lay my head down to [TS]

  sleep because I did not receive the 343 [TS]

  text until this morning [TS]

  so 337 and then I woke up then so my [TS]

  phone plays across the universe now to [TS]

  wake me up the Beatles version of that [TS]

  song yeah it's very nice [TS]

  Goodwyn a nice start today and that [TS]

  happened at 8:37 so that is five right [TS]

  five hours it's good it's good enough [TS]

  it's you know if you round it it's about [TS]

  five hours one wakes in the night and [TS]

  doesn't know it [TS]

  oh I know it though unless one tracks [TS]

  one sleep [TS]

  I'm toast one journey you toss it you [TS]

  toss eternity you like that whole bed [TS]

  and you know don't touch my feet don't [TS]

  touch my feet well you know I was it's [TS]

  funny uh 20 because my daughter's mother [TS]

  Ariela was reading some old emails from [TS]

  between the two of us she and I that we [TS]

  wrote when she was pregnant and it was [TS]

  you know this was a pretty pretty [TS]

  fraught time because we weren't we were [TS]

  embarking on this journey to have a [TS]

  child together [TS]

  but we weren't doing it in the context [TS]

  of like well now we're together you know [TS]

  you're pregnant and so we get married or [TS]

  we're gonna you know we're gonna move in [TS]

  together or anything like this we were [TS]

  doing it we're making this decision to [TS]

  do this secular thing I always thought [TS]

  of it as I know this is not accurate but [TS]

  it's almost like you guys were divorced [TS]

  divided ever being married yeah like we [TS]

  later on we joked that we were either [TS]

  the the the divorced couple that got [TS]

  along the best in the world or we have a [TS]

  really really dysfunctional marriage I [TS]

  got to get married right we're the best [TS]

  divorced couple that ever was but so [TS]

  we're going into this like eyes wide [TS]

  open and of course everybody was telling [TS]

  us that you couldn't do it you know her [TS]

  people were just telling her every kind [TS]

  of story about how it wasn't gonna work [TS]

  how you know she was gonna end up alone [TS]

  and destitute and raising the child on [TS]

  her own and you know that I was clearly [TS]

  shirking my responsibilities and that [TS]

  you know if she didn't have me tied to [TS]

  the ground with legal requirements that [TS]

  I would just flit her off like some kind [TS]

  of drug addict Rock person uh-huh uh-huh [TS]

  and and worse you know worse things just [TS]

  that it was all you know that for us to [TS]

  have a kid together under these [TS]

  conditions benefited me but not her I [TS]

  mean they're just filling her head with [TS]

  with like it's kind of anti John [TS]

  propaganda well and just this Jen [TS]

  notion that you cannot bring a child [TS]

  into the world unless the two parents [TS]

  are absolutely tied to one another's [TS]

  leather straps and and have promised [TS]

  each other every single I kept you if [TS]

  you bring a child into the world having [TS]

  done nothing more than kneel on a pillow [TS]

  and say I will love you forever in front [TS]

  of somebody with a robe on then [TS]

  everybody's like great it's I believe it [TS]

  nothing can nothing can rent these to us [TS]

  under mm-hmm [TS]

  but if you bring a child into the world [TS]

  where you're like we're gonna do a [TS]

  really good job at this everybody puts [TS]

  their hands on their head and says her [TS]

  hands on their hips and says well you [TS]

  never kneeled on a pillow how is it even [TS]

  possible right so she and I would work [TS]

  can't go from a bobcat to a weeble oh [TS]

  you got past he got past it being a wolf [TS]

  and a bear suitable yeah so we're [TS]

  sending these emails back and forth and [TS]

  the thing was that she and I you know [TS]

  known each other a long time but we [TS]

  didn't really know each other how did [TS]

  how do you how do you ever really know [TS]

  ever really know anybody John did you [TS]

  know I mean really know each other we've [TS]

  been playing in the town for a long time [TS]

  and it was like hey downtown yeah what's [TS]

  up downtown you know pal the two tutus [TS]

  finger guns but that's not how you you [TS]

  raise a child either you can't just [TS]

  finger gun a child into adults so all [TS]

  she's rereading all these emails which I [TS]

  have not reread where she and I were [TS]

  negotiating and hammering out just the [TS]

  basic principles of how we were gonna do [TS]

  this you know like like like how how can [TS]

  I count how do I know I can count on you [TS]

  okay I know I can count on you and I [TS]

  mean just highlight its if you don't [TS]

  have the is this is not always a real [TS]

  thing but there's always the implicit [TS]

  things of having already been married [TS]

  like you know who pays the rent and all [TS]

  that kind of stuff and basic division of [TS]

  labor whether you formally or informally [TS]

  talked about it but you you had to make [TS]

  this to cut this from whole cloth [TS]

  yeah we did and we had to you know and [TS]

  they're there and what one thing that [TS]

  reli said was like we we spent so much [TS]

  time arguing about all the wrong things [TS]

  like we're not the wrong things but just [TS]

  things that it turns out didn't matter [TS]

  at all like she I remember she came to [TS]

  me and she was like I read a thing that [TS]

  says you need a million dollars to raise [TS]

  a child oh my god and I said not all at [TS]

  once you don't need it all at once you [TS]

  don't need to start she was like but [TS]

  where are we ever gonna get a million [TS]

  dollars to raise this child I was like [TS]

  honestly I think that's the I think we [TS]

  got to start somewhere before that like [TS]

  before discovered this you know over a [TS]

  century ago it expects somebody to buy a [TS]

  car with one payment you know that's not [TS]

  gonna work you need don't need to go [TS]

  have your GMAC the ford version of that [TS]

  and that's that's much like having a [TS]

  child you let you get installments on [TS]

  the child that's right I said to her [TS]

  what you know look we can get a good [TS]

  interest rate on this baby like we'll [TS]

  figure that out right he put a new week [TS]

  on the child [TS]

  mmm-hmm we have we had we had to decide [TS]

  because we were not married we had to [TS]

  decide what last name the child was [TS]

  gonna get we had to decide a lot of [TS]

  things and we had nine months or let's [TS]

  say eight months in which to go from a [TS]

  relationship where we were you know [TS]

  essentially just coquettish with each [TS]

  other for a long time to a thing where [TS]

  like we trusted each other could rely on [TS]

  each other and and actually had like a [TS]

  plan [TS]

  and we had to build that within a world [TS]

  where everybody we knew I mean the best [TS]

  response we got from our friends was [TS]

  well I guess I mean wait and see I guess [TS]

  I mean that was the best and and really [TS]

  really well-meaning people a lot of whom [TS]

  are now divorced [TS]

  we're telling us that there's no way [TS]

  that it could that it's gonna work like [TS]

  this and that we needed to get real you [TS]

  know but I she she reminded me at one [TS]

  point I was like I sent her an email or [TS]

  she was saying like you know look I'm [TS]

  I'm pregnant and I need you know I need [TS]

  like [TS]

  to feel comforted and you are being very [TS]

  formal with me and and you know and I [TS]

  appreciate the formality is necessary [TS]

  but I like need this comforting and I [TS]

  wrote this thing about like well listen [TS]

  I don't like anybody I don't like [TS]

  anybody touching my feet do you [TS]

  understand [TS]

  it's very important we're gonna make [TS]

  this work we make this child that nobody [TS]

  touch my feet in the night yeah and that [TS]

  you know and it's I get very warm and I [TS]

  really tear up a bed and it's just it's [TS]

  very you know I just need it I need to [TS]

  make it clear that like yeah I don't [TS]

  really like to be touched and she was [TS]

  recounting this to me I didn't go back [TS]

  and read it but I remember for a long [TS]

  time this idea that I had discovered [TS]

  that I could say I don't want you touch [TS]

  me when I'm sleeping [TS]

  I remember that being like a huge [TS]

  revelation to me because I had always [TS]

  you know been miserable sharing a bed [TS]

  with people and I and I and I had [TS]

  discovered this like oh wait after I go [TS]

  to sleep like I don't want to be spooned [TS]

  I don't want to be nuzzled like I just [TS]

  want to be alone [TS]

  leave me alone the sleeping time it's [TS]

  sleeping time I want to go sleep in my [TS]

  on my side of the bed mm-hmm and it was [TS]

  just it was always a relationship [TS]

  problem well so she's telling me this [TS]

  story or she's telling me about this [TS]

  email and I'm laughing and laughing and [TS]

  laughing because then I had a child and [TS]

  when you have a child at least in my [TS]

  case there is one person in the world at [TS]

  least that you do not mind if they touch [TS]

  you hmm [TS]

  right like my little girl enjoy what you [TS]

  can I'm sure there will be a time when [TS]

  she's like every single time every [TS]

  single time she's bugging me it's 8:32 [TS]

  it's re 32 minutes past bedtime and she [TS]

  comes out and just wants to like hug me [TS]

  and kind of just you know hang out for a [TS]

  minute and I'm thinking man [TS]

  from our I want to watch my Game of [TS]

  Thrones in its 32 minutes past bedtime [TS]

  and I try to always catch myself and go [TS]

  you ding-a-ling yeah right no it's okay [TS]

  that it's 32 minutes past bedtime you [TS]

  get to pause Game of Thrones and and [TS]

  your daughter wants to like you for a [TS]

  minute [TS]

  do you have any idea how much you're [TS]

  gonna want that in five years yeah right [TS]

  so despite all of those negotiations and [TS]

  your cocoa ket working all this out you [TS]

  there is a person in your life now who [TS]

  touches your feet etc oh well our sense [TS]

  of the phrase yeah and and and I think [TS]

  has changed a lot has changed about me [TS]

  in the last five years and and I can I [TS]

  absolutely remember when some of these [TS]

  these notions about myself to write the [TS]

  introversion in the and that the the [TS]

  sense that I needed this bubble around [TS]

  me and that it was okay to ask for it [TS]

  and that it was not just okay to ask for [TS]

  it but like I was okay even even needing [TS]

  it right like it was okay to need it and [TS]

  setting those setting up those [TS]

  boundaries around myself so that I [TS]

  wasn't always feeling both intruded upon [TS]

  and also that I was a bad person for [TS]

  feeling intruded upon like that was the [TS]

  terrible part of that was the the source [TS]

  of the of so much loneliness in my life [TS]

  over the years was was not just that I [TS]

  felt infringed upon by everybody but [TS]

  also that I that I felt like that that [TS]

  was what made me despicable because why [TS]

  couldn't I just accept love or why [TS]

  couldn't I just accept touch these are [TS]

  simple things can you just learn to feel [TS]

  good about the broken way you are it's [TS]

  that it's really it's hard I think [TS]

  you're describing something that's very [TS]

  important to me which is this feeling [TS]

  bad feeling about a bad feeling right [TS]

  it's one thing to feel that bad feeling [TS]

  another thing to have a bad feeling [TS]

  about how you are like it's terrible but [TS]

  right I mean isn't it kind of a terrible [TS]

  talk before like either why can't I be a [TS]

  good person or why can't I be okay with [TS]

  how I actually am well it took me a long [TS]

  time even to get to the place where I [TS]

  felt like Oh learning to be okay with [TS]

  this is a thing I can even do right [TS]

  because it because because I didn't want [TS]

  to be you know I didn't want to be in [TS]

  the land of broken toys I believed [TS]

  because I do believe in love right I [TS]

  mean I am romantic quraĆ­am Oh romantic [TS]

  and so so what you know but but more [TS]

  more than that even you know this is [TS]

  happening this isn't a thing where my [TS]

  where this is the thing I was navigating [TS]

  with the larger world right I wasn't out [TS]

  in the world saying why doesn't the [TS]

  world accept me this was always [TS]

  happening within the absolute smallest [TS]

  confines of a relationship between me [TS]

  and a lover who was saying you know Here [TS]

  I am here's what I have to give and I [TS]

  was like great don't touch my feet and [TS]

  that's it that's such an incredibly [TS]

  small personal space too because out in [TS]

  the world I didn't have any adjustment [TS]

  you know visible adjustment issues I [TS]

  wasn't asking anybody to make any [TS]

  accommodation for me but in this you [TS]

  know as the as the room got smaller and [TS]

  smaller I was more and more like that [TS]

  this is my pillow and this is my [TS]

  underwear drawer and this is my these [TS]

  are the hairs on the back of my hand and [TS]

  they can't be stimulated so I couldn't [TS]

  ever be like and I'm okay with me [TS]

  because because the person that I was [TS]

  saying all this to was the one that was [TS]

  standing there like all I want is to hug [TS]

  you I was like I'm okay with me but but [TS]

  but I did get to I did get to that place [TS]

  sort of right around the same period [TS]

  like I you know I am sorry about I am [TS]

  sorry that you are pregnant and that you [TS]

  are scared because you're not married [TS]

  and we are trying to navigate we're [TS]

  trying to right [TS]

  we're trying to write a new constitution [TS]

  for a thing that doesn't have very many [TS]

  antecedents we can't think of any [TS]

  mentors or peers we might have here [TS]

  we're reinventing the wheel and your [TS]

  thing that you're saying you need is [TS]

  that I demonstrate my my hereness by [TS]

  actually being like here holding you and [TS]

  I'm saying don't touch my feet because [TS]

  that's very important to me and I had to [TS]

  also in that moment be like but it's [TS]

  really important that I hold this woman [TS]

  who is pregnant and terrifying right and [TS]

  now I look back so she and I both look [TS]

  back and laugh because you know the the [TS]

  experience of building this family it's [TS]

  not just that I it's not just that I can [TS]

  hold my daughter like I should my [TS]

  daughter brought the ability for me to [TS]

  feel uncomplicated about being touched I [TS]

  guess like she she she's been a part of [TS]

  that process for me and now that now I [TS]

  can I mean I still don't want people [TS]

  coming in and touching my feet while I'm [TS]

  sleeping oh yeah you you have your [TS]

  preferences yeah I just don't just like [TS]

  come put your mouth on my toes [TS]

  oh dear me no oh go do Pekinese no stop [TS]

  it no not everybody got to do that it's [TS]

  not just because it's tolerated with one [TS]

  person does not mean that everybody gets [TS]

  to do it right but but it's funny that I [TS]

  that I made such a because at the time [TS]

  not have not having had a kid yet you [TS]

  think certain things are so important [TS]

  I'm going to a baby shower later today [TS]

  and they're they're wonderful people [TS]

  they're very good friends they've been [TS]

  they're excited about their baby the [TS]

  baby is coming soon and they had a thing [TS]

  on their baby shower thing that said you [TS]

  know we don't want you to don't worry [TS]

  about gifts but but if you if you insist [TS]

  here's a link to a list of gifts [TS]

  and I went and just reading down this [TS]

  list of gifts that had obviously been [TS]

  compiled by a large group of people are [TS]

  like you're gonna need this mm-hmm [TS]

  you're definitely gonna need a linen [TS]

  it's a good chance to cover some bases [TS]

  you get you can you can ask for and if [TS]

  it's people who are already parents [TS]

  they'll get this a lot of the stuff [TS]

  you're gonna need a lot of even you know [TS]

  right wouldn't be bad to get diapers but [TS]

  definitely some onesies and stuff then [TS]

  there's some stuff that like you just [TS]

  know you're gonna need like maybe a nice [TS]

  changing like a changing table and then [TS]

  you got the stuff for your shoot for the [TS]

  stars right wait you might say oh I want [TS]

  this $700 baby carriage because if [TS]

  somebody wants to get that Charle ticket [TS]

  right but this is a group so the this [TS]

  this these two are members of a pretty [TS]

  close-knit group of friends let's let's [TS]

  call it between 15 and 20 people that [TS]

  have all coupled up recently they're all [TS]

  in their early 40s and this is this [TS]

  couple is really the first one the first [TS]

  couple to have a new baby right I mean [TS]

  you know Ari and I our daughter is six [TS]

  and a half now and when that happened [TS]

  all of these all these people were in [TS]

  brand-new relationships or yeah or going [TS]

  through their first divorce or whatever [TS]

  but now they have a solid little gang [TS]

  and this couple is the first one to have [TS]

  a baby and so there there baby list that [TS]

  they linked to has all that stuff right [TS]

  the you know you're gonna need diapers [TS]

  you should get some onesies and look [TS]

  there's the $700 carriage like all that [TS]

  stuff makes sense mm-hmm [TS]

  but because none of their friends have [TS]

  babies yet but all of them are I mean [TS]

  I'm watching this group and ready to [TS]

  have like 15 babies arrive in the next [TS]

  year and a half because that's where [TS]

  they're all at yeah there's all that [TS]

  stuff on this list like like baby wipe [TS]

  warmer ready caddy baby carriage baby [TS]

  wipe warmer caddy sidecar mm-hmm like [TS]

  this crazy stuff where you're like whoa [TS]

  whoa whoa let me just give you let me [TS]

  just break it down for you [TS]

  you don't need that honestly you don't [TS]

  need it you don't you want to take that [TS]

  off because somebody's gonna buy that [TS]

  for you and then you're gonna have it [TS]

  you're gonna feel like you need to use [TS]

  it and you're gonna walk around like [TS]

  basically like Chewbacca carrying [TS]

  Threepio on his back it's and puts it [TS]

  pushing a stroller with the wife warmer [TS]

  on it because look you got enough [TS]

  problems just getting a baby from place [TS]

  to place if you end up being one of [TS]

  those couples that's like that's like a [TS]

  camp train the feds leaving Stalingrad [TS]

  remember that killing that feeling oh my [TS]

  god because somebody told you that you [TS]

  need a you know you need a like a linen [TS]

  baby stroller cover to keep the sunlight [TS]

  out of baby's eyes but you don't want to [TS]

  get that don't get that cotton stuff no [TS]

  no it's gotta be linen because it needs [TS]

  to filter the sunlight so the babies can [TS]

  hear the mozart better keep leave the [TS]

  way we were raised the way that we get [TS]

  linen like here hold my cigarette tips [TS]

  the first thing you need to learn kid [TS]

  [Laughter] [TS]

  anyway so it's funny I want to go back [TS]

  and read those things but it happens it [TS]

  happens all the time [TS]

  you know and I and I feel like I feel [TS]

  like part of the victory that we have [TS]

  achieved maybe our generation in it and [TS]

  it feels like a strange victory but we [TS]

  kind of led the charge was this victory [TS]

  of of the of carving out the space to be [TS]

  who you are that is that's not just free [TS]

  to be you and me but you know like the [TS]

  small spaces of being who you are and [TS]

  but like Ari and I still our daughter is [TS]

  six and a half and we still are a team [TS]

  and we still don't have any peers like [TS]

  oh I see I see we still don't know any [TS]

  couple who has done it the way we've [TS]

  done it [TS]

  we don't have anyone to mentor because [TS]

  no one is we don't know anybody who's [TS]

  trying to do it the way we did it [TS]

  everybody we know that has a kid is [TS]

  either in a happy marriage in a in an [TS]

  unhappy marriage that's pretending to be [TS]

  happy in an unhappy marriage that is [TS]

  done pretending mm-hmm or in a marriage [TS]

  and dissolution that is either trying to [TS]

  be civil not trying to be civil or [TS]

  long-past right no one is just like yeah [TS]

  we decided to have a child together and [TS]

  we're people of goodwill and smart and [TS]

  we agreed that we were going to have a [TS]

  lot of fights about stuff in the course [TS]

  of time as you do but that it was never [TS]

  going to be we were never going to lose [TS]

  sight of the fact that we were doing [TS]

  this intentionally and and in the spirit [TS]

  of like you kind of always knew that it [TS]

  was well I don't want speak for you but [TS]

  maybe one way to look at it is like [TS]

  it'll be safe if we always regard this [TS]

  as a precarious experiment rather than a [TS]

  done deal right and that was that was I [TS]

  think what I mean like not treating it [TS]

  like a like a done and settled sorted [TS]

  issue like this is this is a work in [TS]

  progress well that was the that was the [TS]

  advantage it had right because all these [TS]

  things that you're saying about like [TS]

  which I think are absolutely true like [TS]

  you get married and so you already [TS]

  worked out like how the right gets paid [TS]

  and all that stuff but but in getting [TS]

  married you also take all of your [TS]

  unspoken expectations and and all of the [TS]

  the templates that you've been carrying [TS]

  around like a maesters chain jangling [TS]

  around your neck about like oh well when [TS]

  I get married my spouse is gonna be like [TS]

  this and our marriage is gonna be like [TS]

  this and we're gonna live like this and [TS]

  his or my goals are gonna be the same [TS]

  exactly and all this stuff that you'd [TS]

  never really address formally mm-hmm [TS]

  that goes into like now we're married in [TS]

  the case of Ari [TS]

  Ln myself we didn't have we didn't have [TS]

  that luxury so we had to be very [TS]

  specific about all that stuff right [TS]

  right and so we didn't then later five [TS]

  years later encounter these moments [TS]

  where it was like wait a minute I [TS]

  thought you were paying the rent yeah or [TS]

  like you always knew I wanted to live in [TS]

  Berlin right and it's like what are you [TS]

  talking about we you said something [TS]

  about Berlin once five years ago well [TS]

  that was me saying that one day I was [TS]

  gonna move there you know at like we [TS]

  didn't have to we don't have that [TS]

  problem now because we have been forced [TS]

  to be extremely on top of all that stuff [TS]

  and you know our relationship is [TS]

  stronger now than ever and I don't see [TS]

  anything I don't see it being in [TS]

  jeopardy right I mean this last year and [TS]

  a half I was in this long relationship [TS]

  and and it jeopardized my relationship [TS]

  with Ari but in the end in the end like [TS]

  it was the relationship with our Ian and [TS]

  our daughter that was that that was the [TS]

  thing that was most important to me no [TS]

  that wasn't a thing I was ever going to [TS]

  you sacrifice and yeah we grew up I'm [TS]

  sure you knew lots of people like this I [TS]

  know I did [TS]

  parents who got divorced and one of them [TS]

  took the kid somewhere else mm-hmm or [TS]

  dad saw you on weekends or on alternate [TS]

  weekends or on alternate months or [TS]

  something and like I think I've probably [TS]

  talked to you about this before but like [TS]

  when my mom left my dad we were living [TS]

  in Alaska and she basically like threw [TS]

  some stuff in a suitcase and moved to [TS]

  Seattle moved back to Seattle [TS]

  and you know my dad was from Seattle [TS]

  he'd lived his entire life in Seattle he [TS]

  had been living in Anchorage for two [TS]

  years [TS]

  and yet when my mom left him and moved [TS]

  back to Seattle my dad's stayed in [TS]

  Anchorage like I like it here [TS]

  good things are happening up here [TS]

  and it I never questioned it as a kid [TS]

  because you don't know enough to know [TS]

  what you know your parents what they do [TS]

  just seems like reasonable but after I [TS]

  had a kid I was like wait a minute [TS]

  he didn't have anything going on in [TS]

  Anchorage why didn't he just move back [TS]

  to Seattle - mm-hmm [TS]

  and it was it was the one thing I wish I [TS]

  could talk to him about now and just say [TS]

  what was the logic there like you living [TS]

  in Alaska and mom living in Seattle made [TS]

  our lives growing up really complicated [TS]

  and if you had just said well you know [TS]

  I'm moving back to Seattle because I'm [TS]

  getting a divorce and she wants to live [TS]

  down there and I guess I'm just gonna [TS]

  bite the bullet or whatever on the [TS]

  behalf of my kids [TS]

  I just Hannah I you know I it's a [TS]

  conversation I would love to have with [TS]

  them I don't know yeah so you you like [TS]

  doing the show at 9:00 this episode of [TS]

  Rodrik on the line is brought to you by [TS]

  Casper you can learn more about Casper [TS]

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  and we love them to pieces is actually [TS]

  kind of weird that even these years into [TS]

  my Casper ownership I still think about [TS]

  the day that it arrives I think about [TS]

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  terms and conditions apply our thanks to [TS]

  Casper for supporting Roderick online [TS]

  and all the great shows that we do we [TS]

  get off track there no no no we put the [TS]

  track on the skis this time buddy [TS]

  finished more soda sometimes sometimes [TS]

  when that happens and the there is a [TS]

  split and one person takes the child [TS]

  this is not a reflection on any given [TS]

  couple or parent sometimes it's a an [TS]

  offensive maneuver to say I'm going to [TS]

  take little Rover and we are going to [TS]

  move to Maine then the other person [TS]

  might say well why would you want to [TS]

  move to Maine don't you know I've always [TS]

  wanted to move now but the but then that [TS]

  does put the the other partner in a [TS]

  strange position because what they do or [TS]

  don't do we'll still have ramifications [TS]

  and everybody's life changes like does [TS]

  the offensive parent want them to come [TS]

  there are they trying to get away from [TS]

  that person even when they know that's [TS]

  at the expense of that [TS]

  other person being able to see the child [TS]

  I think that's complicated business yeah [TS]

  there's a lot of there's a lot of things [TS]

  they're complicated it's true wait this [TS]

  school start for you know and it's a [TS]

  it's a constant source of confusion to [TS]

  me how school anywhere can start before [TS]

  September 5th yes I totally Cherie [TS]

  school shouldn't start before September [TS]

  5th then it should be out by June 14th [TS]

  at the latest it's just it's one of [TS]

  those things that just messes with your [TS]

  head you know like when they change [TS]

  daylight saving time you know that [TS]

  screwed up a lot of stuff in my brain [TS]

  and in the world but when they started [TS]

  having schools start before Labor Day [TS]

  that is very really weird I don't get it [TS]

  what is the point of it yeah I mean I [TS]

  see that the saw from the standpoint of [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  government and I'm sure this is true of [TS]

  you in California too to some degree but [TS]

  my understanding is that the schools are [TS]

  funded through this complicated formula [TS]

  where they count the number of [TS]

  attendances and they have to and then [TS]

  they they apply for money based on how [TS]

  many kids attended how many days and if [TS]

  they have absences or if they have snow [TS]

  days or other unforeseen you know [TS]

  absolute days when the kids aren't there [TS]

  then they lose money mm-hmm and they [TS]

  need that money they need that money for [TS]

  basic services and they're in a they're [TS]

  kind of stuck in this thing where it's [TS]

  like well it cost money to keep the [TS]

  doors open but we need we don't have the [TS]

  money to do that [TS]

  so we have to keep the we have to keep [TS]

  the doors open we have to keep having [TS]

  more school days in order to have the [TS]

  funding to having to have school so that [TS]

  you know at least in Seattle our school [TS]

  has this what I think is a kind of a [TS]

  crazy attendance policy where a parent [TS]

  who's going to Washington DC for a week [TS]

  and wants to take their kid to [TS]

  Washington DC this is something very [TS]

  familiar yeah right [TS]

  it's actually coming up it's actually [TS]

  coming up we're going to Washington DC [TS]

  this month well if you went to school [TS]

  here you could expect a nasty letter and [TS]

  a threat of arrest [TS]

  yeah threat of prosecution basically so [TS]

  this is something like I heard I don't [TS]

  know if this right I feel like I heard [TS]

  something like a hundred dollars a day [TS]

  but all I know is that the corollary of [TS]

  what you described is true I don't know [TS]

  exactly how the funding gets there but I [TS]

  do know that there are three things we [TS]

  learn about and are reminded of pretty [TS]

  much every day right which is that by [TS]

  the school yeah oh yeah yeah yeah I mean [TS]

  you know school starts promptly at 7:50 [TS]

  do not be late there's no reason to be [TS]

  late if you're going to drive to school [TS]

  please use stop drop and go because [TS]

  otherwise it's chaos and our neighbors [TS]

  hate us and children might die because [TS]

  you're driving around in the streets and [TS]

  the other one is you must go to school [TS]

  this is nothing that we are going to [TS]

  debate and here's the bottom line the [TS]

  bottom line is that every day you're [TS]

  absent this school loses money and if [TS]

  your kid is out for a week of Washington [TS]

  that's actually very costly for the [TS]

  school and then we have to threaten you [TS]

  because there is some kind of an [TS]

  accounting at some point about exactly [TS]

  what you described like were the absence [TS]

  and attendance numbers what they were I [TS]

  guess estimated to be and I don't know [TS]

  why we decided that's how we needed to [TS]

  fund the schools I mean I don't [TS]

  we decided it at some point obviously [TS]

  the the the schools are the classic [TS]

  thing of where there are a lot of a lot [TS]

  a lot of people that don't have kids and [TS]

  in the American in the current American [TS]

  mindset if you don't have a kid then why [TS]

  the hell should you pay for the schools [TS]

  all right that's the Florida approach [TS]

  yeah yeah it's for schools back in [TS]

  Pennsylvania why would I do it again [TS]

  yeah I [TS]

  I paid for schools when my mom paid for [TS]

  schools for me but I don't have a kid or [TS]

  I don't you know or whatever like the [TS]

  the idea that we don't think [TS]

  collectively about ourselves anymore and [TS]

  that we don't look at taxes as a way of [TS]

  affecting collective improvement right [TS]

  but that everyone is out for themselves [TS]

  at all times suspicious of all [TS]

  government believes like the kind of [TS]

  thing where you would I mean I I would [TS]

  not want to point in a particular party [TS]

  but it feels like one of those things if [TS]

  you go yeah of course we've got to fund [TS]

  the schools but we also have to find [TS]

  some way to make it drudgery we're you [TS]

  know in the same way like you know my [TS]

  feelings on things like reading logs [TS]

  that you just drive me crazy the whole [TS]

  like go prove you read you know okay you [TS]

  know it's like why don't you take [TS]

  something my kid loves and turn it into [TS]

  something she can feel guilty about not [TS]

  doing even though she's doing it but you [TS]

  didn't do the log right same way I mean [TS]

  like there's all these things where [TS]

  you're like it's one of those like [TS]

  alright you you just use one of your [TS]

  monkey paw wishes and you want money but [TS]

  guess how this is gonna work your school [TS]

  districts voice is Bob Odenkirk but yeah [TS]

  you feel so terrible for the schools you [TS]

  want them to have resources and do the [TS]

  job that they do well but the way that [TS]

  the way that it works out where it's [TS]

  like well school goes to July 5th now [TS]

  and it starts again August 15th because [TS]

  we had a couple of snow days yeah and [TS]

  you're like what are we doing to [TS]

  ourselves like where we are we're doing [TS]

  we're doing a bad job in in pursuit of [TS]

  doing a good job [TS]

  we are my daughter's school is in a [TS]

  neighborhood that is very close to the [TS]

  University and it's the classic example [TS]

  of a Seattle School where the additional [TS]

  services that are not provided for by [TS]

  the school district by which I mean [TS]

  music lessons art lessons interesting PE [TS]

  interesting after-school activities [TS]

  supplies all those things are paid for [TS]

  by a PTA and the PTA is able to pay for [TS]

  those things because this neighborhood [TS]

  is situated very close to Microsoft and [TS]

  Amazon and etc etc and so the PTA has an [TS]

  auction and the PTA sponsors a dance and [TS]

  the PTA sends you 700 emails a year and [TS]

  by university but the auctions coming up [TS]

  so yeah I don't know I know you need to [TS]

  get two tickets to the end of the sea [TS]

  ball there were only $250 each it's [TS]

  gonna be so much fun the end of all [TS]

  gonna be so much fun [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  but as a result of that her school can [TS]

  hire an art teacher who is bona fide [TS]

  artists and a wonderful woman who really [TS]

  inspires the kids and gives them [TS]

  incredibly enriching artistic activities [TS]

  and like she is a jewel and she is paid [TS]

  for entirely by this extra you know [TS]

  district organization basically rich [TS]

  parents and so my daughter's school has [TS]

  a high rating on Yelp got a 5 out of 5 [TS]

  stars and there are other schools in the [TS]

  school district that don't have any arts [TS]

  education because their PTA has no [TS]

  ability to lay hands on that kind of [TS]

  resource beyond those resources and that [TS]

  is the inequity that [TS]

  like baked into the Seattle School [TS]

  District which is crazy to think that a [TS]

  city as liberal and progressive and rich [TS]

  as Seattle should have that be the [TS]

  system and it and it's a it's a system [TS]

  that like recapitulates itself every day [TS]

  because when forty year olds decide that [TS]

  they're gonna move out of downtown they [TS]

  read Yelp they well and they have to [TS]

  decide where they're gonna buy their [TS]

  house based on how many stars their [TS]

  school has and if you're if your [TS]

  neighborhood has three star school let [TS]

  alone a one point four star school yep [TS]

  you have no idea what that means you [TS]

  haven't been to the school you haven't [TS]

  talked to the teachers you haven't [TS]

  toured the campus you've just you're [TS]

  looking at it online and it's like well [TS]

  I can't move into that neighborhood so [TS]

  it just perpetuates this idea that like [TS]

  well you got to move up north into one [TS]

  of these bedroom communities where the [TS]

  schools are good and all these [TS]

  neighborhoods that are awesome [TS]

  neighborhoods down here but their school [TS]

  districts don't have good stars you know [TS]

  we can't even begin to look at an [TS]

  affordable house down there because [TS]

  there's a reason it's affordable there's [TS]

  a reason it's affordable and it's [TS]

  because when you're doing your kid gets [TS]

  to school they're given a mop bucket and [TS]

  a piece of dry black bread mm-hmm there [TS]

  you know and they are sent to learn by [TS]

  cleaning out the toilets at the prison [TS]

  hmm it's like I don't really I think [TS]

  that all the schools here probably I [TS]

  mean I don't know I don't know so part [TS]

  of it is should you trust the Stars you [TS]

  never trust the Stars [TS]

  mhm go eat for yourself try something [TS]

  different every time but I don't know [TS]

  how is it down there how is it in San [TS]

  Francisco is it a similar situation [TS]

  yeah it's gotten way way better it was a [TS]

  what a liberal dystopia at one point [TS]

  where every the system that was in place [TS]

  not long before my kid went to school [TS]

  really felt like it was invented by [TS]

  young liberals who don't have kids [TS]

  people like basically College sophomores [TS]

  because it was what it came down to was [TS]

  not even a lottery it was just it was [TS]

  kind of it could be fairly random where [TS]

  your kid went to school like you could [TS]

  in this town so many people move to so [TS]

  they don't need don't so they won't need [TS]

  to own a car for example you your kid [TS]

  might be on the diagonal you know the [TS]

  opposite diagonal of town from where you [TS]

  live based on I think based on like [TS]

  something fairly random that I mean I [TS]

  think takes into account things like [TS]

  diversity but it was a it was basically [TS]

  a crapshoot I mean I had a friend who [TS]

  lived in Duboce triangle whose kid went [TS]

  to elementary school in North Beach no [TS]

  big aunt did not a car so he took his [TS]

  kid that that ride I guess what maybe a [TS]

  five film where I'm not sure take your [TS]

  kid that ride on the bus and then you [TS]

  come back and you go to work how is that [TS]

  oh it depends but like I would allow for [TS]

  roundtrip I'd allow an hour and a half [TS]

  yeah that's crazy right I mean yeah San [TS]

  Francisco well that's done it it is way [TS]

  better and so the way it works now is of [TS]

  course there's paperwork and you have to [TS]

  like to talk to people about this and be [TS]

  a fretful hen for several years before [TS]

  your kids report even matters but when [TS]

  you're ready you so you say like what's [TS]

  what school you want your kid to go to [TS]

  and you get I think up to three choices [TS]

  something like this don't quote me but [TS]

  long story short the way it works now is [TS]

  mostly if you're asking for a normal [TS]

  school that's near your house there's a [TS]

  pretty good chance you'll get it if that [TS]

  child already had an older sibling in [TS]

  that school you're pretty much I think [TS]

  guaranteed especially if they're still [TS]

  there you're pretty much guaranteed to [TS]

  be grandfathered in in terms of [TS]

  eligibility mmm-hmm as I understand it [TS]

  there are distinctions one distinction [TS]

  is that it's my understanding that every [TS]

  every class of school elementary middle [TS]

  and high school but I know this is true [TS]

  in my daughter's school there are [TS]

  different schools that attend to the [TS]

  needs of various types of kids [TS]

  and that gets broken out by kind of [TS]

  specialty that that school will deal [TS]

  with so it could be kids who are [TS]

  developmentally disabled it could be [TS]

  kids with emotional issues it could be [TS]

  kids with physical disabilities it's a [TS]

  way of saying hey you can go to whatever [TS]

  school you want but if you want the one [TS]

  where we've really put the resources to [TS]

  help you out this is the one to go to [TS]

  which I think you know makes some sense [TS]

  if there's limited funds I guess that [TS]

  makes sense [TS]

  yeah and then like if you want to go to [TS]

  like a really good high school then I [TS]

  think it is very competitive like a [TS]

  public high school if you want to go to [TS]

  what's the one here in town what's the [TS]

  big high school in San Francisco Lowell [TS]

  if you were to go to Lowell which is the [TS]

  best high school in San Francisco and [TS]

  everyone says so then it's a little more [TS]

  you know a little more tricky like just [TS]

  just because you live by the mall [TS]

  doesn't mean you're gonna get into [TS]

  Lowell did you go to the best High [TS]

  School in your town arguably yes [TS]

  I think so and what made it the best [TS]

  High School in your town one thing was I [TS]

  think it got a lot of resources so it [TS]

  was the school that had so the old high [TS]

  school became the junior high my high [TS]

  school was built I think in the 60s then [TS]

  way north of town out in the middle of [TS]

  nowhere [TS]

  they built a high school a little later [TS]

  and then the junior high that I went to [TS]

  in starting in the 80s turned into a [TS]

  high school so there were three high [TS]

  schools at the time I went to high [TS]

  school and I think ours it was the it [TS]

  was the the it was a comprehensive high [TS]

  school so it had vocational stuff it had [TS]

  like the full battery of available [TS]

  things and it was it was huge there was [TS]

  over 2,000 kids at my high school [TS]

  666 kids mm-hmm nice entered my freshman [TS]

  year and I think there were something [TS]

  like 500 graduates and if you think back [TS]

  at your at your time there can you with [TS]

  the wisdom of time see where those [TS]

  resources were allocated in a way that [TS]

  benefited you no I mean did they did the [TS]

  resources that that school have did it [TS]

  hire a higher caliber of teacher one of [TS]

  who [TS]

  had a profound effect on your life oh um [TS]

  I mean I am really like some of my [TS]

  teachers a lot I don't think so I mean [TS]

  not my first of all this is whatever [TS]

  over 30 years ago so my memories spotty [TS]

  yeah but but no golf I went to golf and [TS]

  golf had you know certain things Hudson [TS]

  had certain things everybody had [TS]

  football everybody had band I don't [TS]

  think there was any one of them that was [TS]

  distinctly the less good school that's [TS]

  in had a better football team than we [TS]

  did but I'm trying to think of this in [TS]

  so let's go look up comprehensive high [TS]

  school so like you know the band stuff I [TS]

  did it seemed like okay well funded of [TS]

  course we had to do you know self [TS]

  Snickers bars and stuff comprehensive [TS]

  high schools are the most popular form [TS]

  of public high schools compared to the [TS]

  common part of it above a high school [TS]

  specializing University prep school [TS]

  academic preparation we did an 8 P we [TS]

  Advanced Placement did you take AP no no [TS]

  it was not up to that yeah well I hung [TS]

  out with a lot of the kids especially [TS]

  the Venn diagram of AP kids that were in [TS]

  band that was a lot of my friends [TS]

  sexy sexy crowd I'm trying to think the [TS]

  aunt answer your question no I mean [TS]

  certainly my life has been hugely shaped [TS]

  by teachers and professors at various [TS]

  points but I mean I don't think they had [TS]

  like what a Cornel West I don't think [TS]

  they had like Carl Sagan I don't think [TS]

  they had like you know I don't think [TS]

  there was anybody there who was like [TS]

  world famous or anything well that's [TS]

  what I mean it just just and I and this [TS]

  is my my reply when people in Seattle [TS]

  talked about sorry I didn't need you [TS]

  rail that oh not at all no I that was a [TS]

  you were you were answering the question [TS]

  I think pretty well which is that is [TS]

  there anywhere you can point to in your [TS]

  schooling where the advantages that you [TS]

  took from school were the were the [TS]

  result of decisions that were being made [TS]

  at the school district level rather than [TS]

  just luck of the draw [TS]

  right what teacher you got who you met [TS]

  where you happen to be standing on any [TS]

  given day you know what I'm gonna answer [TS]

  that in an even deeper way than you [TS]

  asked which is to say one truism [TS]

  something I feel like has been true no [TS]

  matter where I went what any school that [TS]

  I was involved with whether that was in [TS]

  Ohio or in Florida or in California [TS]

  there's one thing that's true which is [TS]

  like I'll bet you dimes to donuts no [TS]

  matter what edifice you're in no matter [TS]

  what good then further to that what [TS]

  grade they're attending I bet you [TS]

  they're still gonna be like let's say [TS]

  there's I don't know arguably let's say [TS]

  for this particular grade level there's [TS]

  six teachers up through middle school [TS]

  let's say right you know if you put [TS]

  those however you wanted to do it ranked [TS]

  them on a some kind of a curve I bet [TS]

  there's gonna be one that's clearly [TS]

  better than the others and one or two [TS]

  who are clearly worse than the others [TS]

  yeah what am I saying [TS]

  I'm saying no matter where you live no [TS]

  matter how much you pay for your house [TS]

  no matter what school you go to there's [TS]

  still a chance that at the very nice [TS]

  school you go to you're gonna have [TS]

  you're gonna get matched to a teacher [TS]

  that for whatever reason was not a good [TS]

  match to your kid Emily tell you you go [TS]

  to the quote/unquote lowest star school [TS]

  in town there's somebody in that [TS]

  building that could change your kid's [TS]

  life and they just might get that person [TS]

  it's you see you could see this at [TS]

  McDonald's you can see this at the DMV [TS]

  you see this anywhere you go were you as [TS]

  I've said before you meet an angel you [TS]

  meet somebody who's just amazing my [TS]

  first grade teacher was like that we [TS]

  were in an out building we were in like [TS]

  a mobile home because our school was [TS]

  growing and she's the best teacher I [TS]

  ever had in my life [TS]

  she I mean when my father was very very [TS]

  ill she was like having me over to their [TS]

  house she had a birthday party for me [TS]

  when I was seven I mean at her house she [TS]

  had a over for dinner at her house and [TS]

  gave me a hamburger candle I never [TS]

  forgot for that Shirley Jackson there's [TS]

  no need for you to do that you never [TS]

  needed to do that the country that's [TS]

  amazing but anyway so that's the problem [TS]

  like you okay you did you did everything [TS]

  right like you crossed all the right [TS]

  palms you feel that all the right forms [TS]

  and now you're going to the five star [TS]

  school like there is still a chance that [TS]

  that is not a good match for your kid [TS]

  and there's probably not even a way for [TS]

  you to know that not even a chance I [TS]

  mean there's every likelihood that [TS]

  they're gonna get a teacher that rubs [TS]

  them the wrong way or that whatever [TS]

  they're not they don't thrive in that [TS]

  environment I mean teachers may be great [TS]

  teachers having a bad year it happens to [TS]

  everybody [TS]

  I had mrs. Lankford [TS]

  for second grade I loved mrs. Langford [TS]

  mrs. Langford is where I got cinnamon [TS]

  toast the guinea pig [TS]

  my sister had mrs. Langford three years [TS]

  later they battled the entire year they [TS]

  my sister hated mrs. Langford Wow [TS]

  how do you account for that my mom who [TS]

  had known mrs. Langford when I am [TS]

  begging begging please Susan take miss [TS]

  mrs. Langford please take Susan take her [TS]

  well and the thing is because I got [TS]

  along great with mrs. Langford my mom [TS]

  and she didn't have that much [TS]

  interaction mrs. Langford was just [TS]

  another teacher at the school as far as [TS]

  she was concerned yesterday so this is [TS]

  real quick but like one of my daughter's [TS]

  best friends her mom has big job at the [TS]

  PTA and her grandmother also works [TS]

  heavily this year with the PTA and they [TS]

  were setting up for first day of school [TS]

  they didn't think I'll kiss and cry [TS]

  where like after you said goodbye to [TS]

  your kindergartner you can come and have [TS]

  a cup of coffee and they were running [TS]

  that at you know 7:30 in the morning but [TS]

  anyway my friends at Lee's friends [TS]

  grandmother said you know I think my [TS]

  kids used to just get on a bus and go to [TS]

  school like I picked my daughter up [TS]

  every day I talked to people every day I [TS]

  go through lost-and-found every day like [TS]

  it's just part of mine and she's like [TS]

  she's like something says something like [TS]

  like I would go to my kids school like [TS]

  twice a year I would step in the doors [TS]

  of my kids school I got them out of the [TS]

  bus and then they came home off the bus [TS]

  later totally totally different world [TS]

  you didn't used to sit there and check [TS]

  your email every day to find out like [TS]

  how things are going or good photos from [TS]

  the field trip like that just didn't [TS]

  happen [TS]

  you got a yearbook and you got four [TS]

  report cards well you know my mom my mom [TS]

  had another layer of insulation because [TS]

  she had to be at work at the crack of [TS]

  dawn right so she took me to the [TS]

  babysitter in the morning the babysitter [TS]

  sent us to the bus the bus took us to [TS]

  the school that at the end of school we [TS]

  took the bus back to the neighborhood [TS]

  walked slowly to the babysitter's where [TS]

  we were until 6:30 at night when mom [TS]

  came to get us so it was you know my mom [TS]

  said one time these freakin bake sales [TS]

  like I will just give them $50 if I [TS]

  don't have to I don't want to go to a [TS]

  bake sale and buy a $10 cake five times [TS]

  a year I'll just give you $50 nobody has [TS]

  to bake a cake [TS]

  yeah that's does not work [TS]

  but it's not it's very important that [TS]

  you be nominally involved but you know [TS]

  for you for the two of us right people [TS]

  people people [TS]

  I think admire you admire me because we [TS]

  have managed to make a life for [TS]

  ourselves by accident largely but also [TS]

  by virtue of you know sort of myriad [TS]

  talents and luck and good fortune but [TS]

  also trying things testing things as it [TS]

  is [TS]

  is [TS]

  these compliments I'm really actually [TS]

  very happy to hear this I'm paying you [TS]

  these compliments I don't hear you [TS]

  paying me any compliments but that's [TS]

  damn well you have dignity issues but [TS]

  but we didn't succeed in any sense that [TS]

  could have been predicted in 1975 or in [TS]

  1985 or in 1995 right there's nothing [TS]

  that you and I are doing right now that [TS]

  we can directly tie to having gone to a [TS]

  good you know what Little John I could [TS]

  really see you and if I don't know what [TS]

  you're sometime in the 2000s I could [TS]

  really see you being paid by an internet [TS]

  mattress company to talk about your [TS]

  relationship with me I can really see [TS]

  that yeah right I imagine if the PTA [TS]

  gets you know a little bit more funding [TS]

  so that you can so that an astronomer [TS]

  can come in to you and talk to you about [TS]

  space that's one day gonna lead to a [TS]

  situation right right where once every [TS]

  10 years you put out put out an album [TS]

  maybe mm-hmm we know there's put the [TS]

  nicer water fountains in your skin oh [TS]

  yeah yeah but I but I saw so I I know [TS]

  that isn't again it's sort of like the [TS]

  like the child rearing thing it's not a [TS]

  thing you can plan for but it's also [TS]

  it's also a thing that you can relax [TS]

  about too it's it's so difficult to know [TS]

  because I get asked to talk to kids you [TS]

  know high school kids a lot and I always [TS]

  want to say things to them that are [TS]

  probably gonna have the teacher say like [TS]

  okay everybody get on the bus like [TS]

  sessions over because what I want to say [TS]

  is like don't go to college right away [TS]

  don't you know don't care so much about [TS]

  your future [TS]

  it isn't how you make yourself it isn't [TS]

  how you make your future to care so much [TS]

  about it like it will happen you know [TS]

  you have no say in it your futures [TS]

  coming hmm and [TS]

  and whether or not you get into the good [TS]

  high school in San Francisco like the [TS]

  the pain and suffering that you put [TS]

  yourself through that you put your [TS]

  family through the agonizing the hour [TS]

  and a half long commute the the [TS]

  self-flagellating the missed [TS]

  opportunities the trips to Washington DC [TS]

  that you don't take in order to in order [TS]

  to do these things that seem to be [TS]

  assuring that you're gonna be on a path [TS]

  where you know you may not be doing all [TS]

  the right things but you're trying to [TS]

  avoid doing the wrong things and what [TS]

  you're doing is not doing some of the [TS]

  things that you need not going to [TS]

  Washington DC which is the thing that [TS]

  you need to do it's a you know yeah but [TS]

  how do you how do you communicate that [TS]

  to people you're saying how do you tell [TS]

  how to tell the school you don't want [TS]

  your feet touched yeah how do you tell [TS]

  yourself that you can send your kid [TS]

  confidently to a two and a half star [TS]

  school and know that they're going to [TS]

  get a good education they're going to be [TS]

  fine that having them at the school is [TS]

  good for the school that having having [TS]

  your kid go to the school that's in [TS]

  their own neighborhood is good for that [TS]

  you mentally I want everybody involved [TS]

  well I'm gonna say something that could [TS]

  get me and I just know a whole lot of [TS]

  trouble which is that I think a lot of [TS]

  people who have a good heart but who [TS]

  would primarily like you to see them as [TS]

  supporting their child's future are [TS]

  really just ridiculously competitive and [TS]

  that's one way it gets worked out [TS]

  luckily maybe that's probably a good [TS]

  direction it's it's not like there's a [TS]

  competition for having the most terrible [TS]

  kid but in that case like maybe that's a [TS]

  good thing that'll benefit everybody but [TS]

  I think a lot of people do that just [TS]

  because they're competitive I think some [TS]

  people go to the DMV at six because they [TS]

  want to be the first in line they want [TS]

  to win the DMV I think you know some [TS]

  people buy lottery tickets because they [TS]

  want to be the one they could use the [TS]

  money but they'd really love to be the [TS]

  person who want people want admit who [TS]

  puts who puts Yelp reviews of their [TS]

  school I mean who I mean I don't I don't [TS]

  know who does Yelp reviews two kinds of [TS]

  people as for a school in particular [TS]

  this is less true I think for most [TS]

  businesses on Yelp but wherever you are [TS]

  well first its confirmation bias like I [TS]

  guess a form of that where you're gonna [TS]

  go and give your scuffs start your own [TS]

  school five stars right I mean it's like [TS]

  a self linked you would go and do that [TS]

  the other kind is like you're mad that [TS]

  mrs. mrs. crabapple sent you a letter [TS]

  about you know going out of town for a [TS]

  week and so you give them one star and [TS]

  say that they don't communicate well [TS]

  with I didn't do that but that's yeah I [TS]

  mean but Jesus Christ look at it with [TS]

  something as insignificant as a meal at [TS]

  a restaurant not to say it's the food is [TS]

  not important but think about all the [TS]

  times we you know if you ever did look [TS]

  at Yelp if you're just desperate and [TS]

  we're somewhere or like which one I mean [TS]

  I look at we're driving through you know [TS]

  Central California and I'm picky picking [TS]

  out which Popeyes I want to go to cuz [TS]

  I'm gonna make my wife took me to [TS]

  Popeyes this is a trip and I get a [TS]

  special and so multiple multiples [TS]

  Popeyes in various places just to just [TS]

  rewind a little bit when you're on a [TS]

  trip with your wife you get she gives [TS]

  you a coupon for one special Merlin meal [TS]

  well you get to have pop I don't always [TS]

  utilize it because I know it's not good [TS]

  for me but like I am discouraged by my [TS]

  family from eating terrible food and I [TS]

  am no longer like I used to be used to [TS]

  be my band well I had a band in [TS]

  Tallahassee called three-piece spicy [TS]

  white me because we were right across [TS]

  the street from Popeyes and I hate [TS]

  Popeyes before every band practice [TS]

  Wow I mean Popeyes used to be a big part [TS]

  of my life and I had Popeyes at my [TS]

  baccalaureate defense really actually my [TS]

  mom did she bought a couple bucks as a [TS]

  chicken some people were there just for [TS]

  the chicken right yeah yeah some food [TS]

  the kumkum for the chicken the state for [TS]

  the Horkheimer and Adorno uh-huh so [TS]

  so I do get that my point being and so [TS]

  I'll go look on the map and I zoom in [TS]

  and I say Papa show me pop us on the [TS]

  route and there'll be different ratings [TS]

  for the Popeyes five miles apart and you [TS]

  know why well maybe some are definitely [TS]

  better [TS]

  as with any fast food place some are [TS]

  actually legitimately better branches of [TS]

  that like and you learn that you learn [TS]

  that's the nest the good 7-eleven that's [TS]

  the one good Burger King whatever but [TS]

  you know why cuz you know enough people [TS]

  came in and said I didn't like the [TS]

  attitude of that lady at the counter or [TS]

  one time you know you spoiled my mind [TS]

  the noodles were soggy at my bridal [TS]

  party boo everybody leave a bad review [TS]

  right and you get like right to get a [TS]

  blanket party yeah you get a little bit [TS]

  of a black mirror situation no black [TS]

  mirror situation so something as stupid [TS]

  as a box of fried bird and that happens [TS]

  imagine what that's like with something [TS]

  as in my estimation important as the [TS]

  school that your kid goes to for up to [TS]

  six years yeah yeah I I I don't know the [TS]

  solution no I don't either but you know [TS]

  I'll tell you one thing you could do is [TS]

  I mean this is a very old-fashioned [TS]

  thing to do but whenever I'm not sure [TS]

  what did you or think about something I [TS]

  want to talk to somebody [TS]

  sometimes that's where like I think I [TS]

  have some idea about this new domain of [TS]

  my life and work how that would be right [TS]

  like maybe I decided I want to get in [TS]

  shape well I could just like spend all [TS]

  my time looking for gyms but look I [TS]

  could talk to somebody who's like like a [TS]

  friend of mine and I find out what they [TS]

  do [TS]

  my daughter is considering a musical [TS]

  instrument she tells me she's already [TS]

  decided the instrument she wants to play [TS]

  I felt a little antsy I can't reveal it [TS]

  yet but I'm antsy about it because she's [TS]

  never mentioned hearing this instance [TS]

  how my brain works she's never mentioned [TS]

  hearing this instrument going oh I like [TS]

  that sound right there weren't any other [TS]

  instruments that she has mentioned I [TS]

  think she likes the form factor and the [TS]

  way you look when you play this thing [TS]

  but she's never played one with a [TS]

  clarinet then well so I I find myself [TS]

  saying like it would be so great if [TS]

  there was a way not [TS]

  to learn every instrument but to have [TS]

  all these instruments on a table and be [TS]

  able to hold it and see it and feel and [TS]

  hear the noise that it makes have a debt [TS]

  live demonstration by somebody talented [TS]

  various people tell you no I'm saying [TS]

  that doesn't happen in schools like it [TS]

  used to we used to get concerts all the [TS]

  time but in this case I'm going to say [TS]

  this is what an alto sax sounds like and [TS]

  you play something typical of an alto [TS]

  sax right right [TS]

  so I would go to the school I would talk [TS]

  to people who go to the school and I [TS]

  would I would ask one of my clever [TS]

  question see if you could meet the [TS]

  principal but they could be better to me [TS]

  parents of somebody who's been there for [TS]

  at least two years and I would say [TS]

  what's the best thing about this and [TS]

  what's the second worst thing but you [TS]

  know the what that what that does is it [TS]

  it just is a it points out how difficult [TS]

  it is to really feel like you have peers [TS]

  because at my daughter's school there's [TS]

  a teacher that everybody loves and my [TS]

  experience of this teacher is that she's [TS]

  that she doesn't work for me and it's [TS]

  because she doesn't seem to really she [TS]

  seems to just be sort of phoning it in [TS]

  and everybody else is sort of fine with [TS]

  that there's a lot of this confirmation [TS]

  bias that you're talking about where [TS]

  it's like we go to the best school in [TS]

  town so our teachers are the best yeah [TS]

  and this teacher who's phoning it in is [TS]

  phoning it in the best yeah and I just [TS]

  feel like a young teacher somewhere [TS]

  who's really trying work real hard or a [TS]

  teacher that has some creative ideas [TS]

  even if they are even if that teacher is [TS]

  fumbling is going to be more interesting [TS]

  to my kid at this stage than somebody [TS]

  who is super comfortable like they still [TS]

  got the eye of the tiger right and even [TS]

  if they are I mean you know I think [TS]

  personally like better for a kid to be [TS]

  taught by somebody who's like struggling [TS]

  a little you know like like working hard [TS]

  to figure their thing out yeah that is [TS]

  gonna produce a yelp review [TS]

  that's like well the teacher doesn't or [TS]

  it's just you know that's the type of [TS]

  teacher that gets assigned to a school [TS]

  that is struggling all I'm saying is [TS]

  like you could weasel your way in Oh [TS]

  IIIi know this is true at our school and [TS]

  at other schools around here but there's [TS]

  almost always somebody there who's a [TS]

  volunteer a parent usually but a [TS]

  volunteer who in some form or fashion [TS]

  deals with people who don't go to school [TS]

  here yet so there's usually a committee [TS]

  of people who help with people who are [TS]

  gonna check out kindergarten before they [TS]

  arrive here there's people like that [TS]

  there are people every at our school [TS]

  every grade has at least one person it [TS]

  was just the liaison to like new [TS]

  students and their families to help them [TS]

  acclimate that person there must be a [TS]

  person like that at this at a school [TS]

  that you could go talk to who would be [TS]

  happy to like then once you talk to them [TS]

  now you can you got an inroad to me and [TS]

  other people will tell you the real [TS]

  story but I think the challenge the [TS]

  challenge there is that people a lot of [TS]

  people I know are making decisions about [TS]

  where they're going to move because you [TS]

  get to be 40 you want to have a kid you [TS]

  can't live in Seattle anymore [TS]

  basically it's too expensive right [TS]

  you're living in a one-bedroom apartment [TS]

  now you have a kid you can't keep living [TS]

  in a one-bedroom apartment but you can't [TS]

  move anywhere else in in town to [TS]

  anything better than a one-bedroom [TS]

  apartment and so you have to move to one [TS]

  of the outlying neighborhoods where the [TS]

  schools are and you're trying to make [TS]

  this decision we want to get a nice [TS]

  house we want walkable streets we want [TS]

  good schools and I don't know how many [TS]

  people have the you know I like I would [TS]

  not have the ability I don't think to go [TS]

  out to all the out outlying schools and [TS]

  pick one that I liked and then start [TS]

  making decisions about where I was gonna [TS]

  move based on that and so I'm you know I [TS]

  hear time and time again like well that [TS]

  we found this great house it's in this [TS]

  great neighborhood I really like it [TS]

  there but the schools are bad so we [TS]

  can't and it's like wow that's a great [TS]

  neighborhood a great house that you like [TS]

  everything about it it's close to town [TS]

  it's affordable [TS]

  the schools are bad you say and so so [TS]

  the politics is enough people repeating [TS]

  those words because they heard it from [TS]

  somebody else and now those schools are [TS]

  bad yeah they've become bad it's like [TS]

  it's like naming your kid Jeeves it's [TS]

  destiny [TS]

  yeah those kids are bad it's like naming [TS]

  your kid Jeeves don't name your kid [TS]

  Jeeves [TS]

  that's not mmm how much do you know [TS]

  about that school right right well I've [TS]

  heard from several people oh you know [TS]

  like I did you did you look online the [TS]

  ratings of that school [TS]

  it's no you don't got Jose you want to [TS]

  go regional Jose [TS]

  this isn't the good Popeyes no no this [TS]

  is the bad cheesesteak pizza Oh Chicago [TS]

  or you gotta go to you got to go to [TS]

  prime meal [TS]

  prime prime evil chose Philly [TS]

  cheesesteaks but you and I are always [TS]

  saying things essentially like like [TS]

  saying well don't you know in apron it's [TS]

  definitely like not out of character for [TS]

  me when a friend is saying like Oh we'd [TS]

  love to live down there on in this [TS]

  beautiful home on the edge of a park [TS]

  next to this great old neighborhood but [TS]

  we can't because the schools are bad so [TS]

  we're moving somewhere where there it's [TS]

  an hour and 45 minute long commute and I [TS]

  and it's in character for me to go well [TS]

  that doesn't sound smart why don't you [TS]

  just ignore the fact that the schools [TS]

  were supposedly bad and go send your kid [TS]

  there and do your part to make that [TS]

  school better or just count on the fact [TS]

  that like there's a 99% chance that that [TS]

  feed your kids teacher is gonna be great [TS]

  and your kid is gonna have a great time [TS]

  there yeah like what how much you know [TS]

  let let not be a dick but and how much [TS]

  are you gonna put into that right are [TS]

  you really just surfing for the the [TS]

  highest-quality nanny in town [TS]

  or you find can find a place that you [TS]

  can invest in I think you went to a [TS]

  co-op preschool right I did yeah so [TS]

  we've done I mean your kid I mean oh my [TS]

  good yeah yeah so same here and that was [TS]

  a lot it was a lot of work but it was [TS]

  understood everybody there had to do [TS]

  that work tell you what's pretty [TS]

  different third fourth grade in [TS]

  there's a couple people that think [TS]

  everything needs to get done and they'll [TS]

  do it and then a lot of other people who [TS]

  think everything needs to get done right [TS]

  because they picked the good school and [TS]

  now just go take care of that for me and [TS]

  I think that's a big part of it right [TS]

  you you you get the good school and then [TS]

  your work here is done you have done [TS]

  that you've you've you did the right [TS]

  thing [TS]

  yeah the right school drive an hour and [TS]

  a half for work every day yeah and and [TS]

  and that's exactly right you know the [TS]

  the idea that you can make your kids [TS]

  school good just by going by there every [TS]

  day and standing around at the drop and [TS]

  cry or whatever you were talking about [TS]

  you know you could show up for duty when [TS]

  it's you know stop drop and go week or [TS]

  you can chaperone a field trip which I [TS]

  do a lot of oh my god so do I it's yeah [TS]

  I always feel like kind of the odd man [TS]

  out with it but like and it makes me [TS]

  very very tired [TS]

  oh there's one time you went to a kid's [TS]

  movie a children's movie festival at the [TS]

  Kabuki and you know where we live yeah [TS]

  and it was somebody's idea that not only [TS]

  would we take three classes of kids okay [TS]

  let's get all the parts of this we took [TS]

  three classes of kids like yeah yeah [TS]

  yeah all this is all second graders and [TS]

  we're gonna take the bus rocket take the [TS]

  streetcar we're gonna take the bus [TS]

  that's fun did I mention there's also a [TS]

  transfer oh boy how many how many [TS]

  classes are kids again if three classes [TS]

  of kids so you got 75 kids you've got as [TS]

  many parents's who showed up and this [TS]

  becomes important to the story in a [TS]

  little bit how many kids can you fit on [TS]

  a bus yeah you might have to break them [TS]

  up or you get in real tight and boy [TS]

  nobody likes that but that's a lot of [TS]

  what happens when you do that but yeah [TS]

  we did it took us about an hour and a [TS]

  half each way in the rain literally in [TS]

  the rain and a couple parents just [TS]

  didn't show up that had volunteered and [TS]

  you have no idea what you put on to a 48 [TS]

  year old man chaperoning children on a [TS]

  public bus with the transfer which [TS]

  you're transferring on freakin um like [TS]

  part Presidio like it's it's busy like [TS]

  it's not it's you know yeah so like when [TS]

  two people just skate and don't show up [TS]

  and there's like two to take care of [TS]

  those 26 kids plus the teacher and then [TS]

  maybe the [TS]

  that's gift I'm sure that they were busy [TS]

  Merlin school it's a very good school so [TS]

  they don't need to help me that's not an [TS]

  important meeting or they had something [TS]

  to do that day that they couldn't have [TS]

  foreseen yeah well they couldn't say you [TS]

  know until the very last minute and [TS]

  making tax Tekken makes yeah yeah I love [TS]

  going to the I love going on field trips [TS]

  I love the sound of like two hundred six [TS]

  year olds yeah I love their I love the [TS]

  sound of their little voices I love what [TS]

  they think is is the right way to get [TS]

  into a line you know they're lovely [TS]

  lovely little children and and and it's [TS]

  my pleasure it's my privilege to be [TS]

  there you know but if I if I can just be [TS]

  that particular guy I'm one thing I will [TS]

  say and I want to underscore this cuz I [TS]

  I think this is fuckin important is that [TS]

  it is is unfair and to think all the [TS]

  things you want about all the various [TS]

  things about how this is all complicated [TS]

  bullshit for white people but here's the [TS]

  thing like if you want your kid to go to [TS]

  a good school [TS]

  make it the place where you're gonna [TS]

  help out at least a little bit I'm not [TS]

  even saying you know what I'm not even [TS]

  saying you have to like be that person [TS]

  who shows up to set up and clean up and [TS]

  do whatever you didn't have to be that [TS]

  person you could even just be the person [TS]

  who helps out a little bit at the [TS]

  auction but you know what even below [TS]

  that like come in the school talk to [TS]

  people introduce yourself [TS]

  meet the librarian this will come in [TS]

  handy because your child will lose a [TS]

  book and you're eventually gonna be in [TS]

  touch with the librarian it's nice to [TS]

  that's just practical but like learn [TS]

  about the other kids and parents and [TS]

  teachers at the school like don't just [TS]

  show up and make a beeline in and out [TS]

  treat it like it's a place you care [TS]

  about I'm sorry I don't mean to be [TS]

  emotional about this but like it is it [TS]

  is really frustrating cuz I do feel like [TS]

  this might be a caricature but I do feel [TS]

  frustrated that my sense is a lot of the [TS]

  people the largest cohort of people with [TS]

  super high expectations also Venn [TS]

  diagrams nicely with the cohort of [TS]

  people who do fuck all to help out [TS]

  and that makes me mad in the same way [TS]

  that made me mad in my early 20s when [TS]

  people came to parties and said they [TS]

  were bored well you know what there's [TS]

  one great way that this party could be [TS]

  less boring you could either fucking [TS]

  leave or you can help you can bring nice [TS]

  you could bring beer and no we don't [TS]

  want to play your tape Todd but you [TS]

  could help out that's all why did you [TS]

  want to play Todd's tape tiles was too [TS]

  much fucking rig hang on there a little [TS]

  bit of reggae and everybody's loving it [TS]

  donk donk donk donk donk I hope you like [TS]

  a German - yep one time my friend [TS]

  Michael made a mixtape that was all [TS]

  p-funk and wire just to provoke people [TS]

  and was also his two favorite bands at [TS]

  the time but it's really hard to go from [TS]

  up on the downstroke to field day for [TS]

  Sunday's like the ladies are not dancing [TS]

  to that no no it's it's like record [TS]

  scratch about that but that's [TS]

  frustrating to me and like the like you [TS]

  know it is what's frustrating that [TS]

  they're not helping it's frustrating [TS]

  that they're adding workload to people [TS]

  who already have plenty of workload be [TS]

  fucking leave me but all it also just [TS]

  frustrates me that like you'd wouldn't [TS]

  have the presence of mind to think what [TS]

  is one really obvious way that this [TS]

  school could be made better and most [TS]

  people think that means you should write [TS]

  a letter instead of saying you know what [TS]

  it's drop by and pick up a broom if you [TS]

  ask somebody for a broom they'll find [TS]

  you a broom there is so much stuff that [TS]

  needs to be done at that school that [TS]

  hasn't been done in years because [TS]

  there's just not enough people however [TS]

  we got here that's just how life is [TS]

  but you got a pitch in yeah and I do [TS]

  feel that I to feel that there's this [TS]

  tendency certainly in these schools that [TS]

  have 5-star ratings for people to feel [TS]

  like it is yeah it's a private school in [TS]

  that case you know it's like they're [TS]

  rich schools and so rich people get to [TS]

  act rich they're you know have the nanny [TS]

  drop off the kid and pick up the kid and [TS]

  and [TS]

  I'll have you have your chauffeur go [TS]

  over who happens to be named Jeeves [TS]

  which is no accident [TS]

  Oh see don't name your kid geez don't [TS]

  show / you think you want to keep doing [TS]

  the show at 9:00 you think it's real [TS]

  hard I think I think we should stick [TS]

  with it I think this is good you got the [TS]

  school you're starting this is gonna be [TS]

  good yeah yeah yeah no no the thing is [TS]

  we usually record on Mondays we had to [TS]

  reschedule 'never ething is chaos do you [TS]

  usually get a better worse or more or [TS]

  less the same night Oh sleep Sunday [TS]

  night into Monday morning how's your [TS]

  sleep on most Sunday nights compared to [TS]

  the other nights well this is again [TS]

  another thing in the category of things [TS]

  that I do not measure or record I'll [TS]

  just kind of lenss together yeah like I [TS]

  don't know often that it is Sunday or [TS]

  Monday for all I see you you took and [TS]

  you turned it you're going up a higher [TS]

  level to like how would I even know if I [TS]

  don't even know what day it is even well [TS]

  yeah and like you know like like you [TS]

  were saying well I like these coffees I [TS]

  don't like those coffees and I was like [TS]

  I just get a different coffee every time [TS]

  yeah and I never connect it I get it the [TS]

  dots and it's the same kind of with the [TS]

  like oh I didn't sleep very well last [TS]

  night oh is it because it was Sunday boy [TS]

  I don't know and partly maybe it's [TS]

  because I don't keep a sleep diary or [TS]

  something I understand I understand I [TS]

  didn't do as much as I would like last [TS]

  night I had 6 hours and 38 minutes [TS]

  that's a lot average is 7 hours 10 [TS]

  minutes this week last hour last week 7 [TS]

  hours 5 minutes I try really hard to be [TS]

  asleep this is so interesting this is [TS]

  one thing I talk about in every podcast [TS]

  I do and I know people love it knows [TS]

  that right oh yes I'm when I see every [TS]

  podcast I do I mean it'll come up every [TS]

  time I talk how my sleep is going how [TS]

  many podcasts do you do now all of them [TS]

  yeah but is it like 4 or 6 I'm like that [TS]

  between 4 & 6 [TS]

  oh it's like 4 4 4 4 podcasts you're on [TS]

  4 for podcasts you're on [TS]

  and so I feel really hard to be asleep [TS]

  of 411 I rarely make that and I try [TS]

  really hard to be up before 7:00 so in [TS]

  an ideal world I would go to bed at [TS]

  10:30 and get up at 6:30 Wow [TS]

  but that's hard for me to do because I [TS]

  like to watch TV at night and then I [TS]

  like to sleep a little in the morning [TS]

  but I also want to be helpful in the [TS]

  morning and it's my job to brush hair [TS]

  and I have to make a note to put in her [TS]

  lunch and there's the things that I have [TS]

  to do that I choose to do you what's the [TS]

  what is this current brush hair [TS]

  situation there oh boy let me sing your [TS]

  recent photos her hair is pretty long [TS]

  and and over the summer you know you [TS]

  were not quite as exactly dogged about [TS]

  you will take a shower and wash your [TS]

  hair every single night sometimes yeah [TS]

  like just vacationing and you got home [TS]

  at nine o'clock and that's not gonna [TS]

  happen tonight and like sure I am a huge [TS]

  advocate for we need to pee that her [TS]

  hair must be brushed somehow twice to [TS]

  three times a day okay don't and no no I [TS]

  mean the full deal like all the way [TS]

  through you get out any of those little [TS]

  knots and whatnot cuz I'll tell you if [TS]

  you only do it in the morning every [TS]

  morning yeah so that my job my job is [TS]

  like it started I get the big stuff I [TS]

  get the most of the grander patterns but [TS]

  there's two like mini knots on the side [TS]

  my wife specializes in so she comes in [TS]

  and does the finishing work and if [TS]

  there's a braid a side braid or French [TS]

  braid she will do that so I'm only in a [TS]

  position to offer headgear it's a little [TS]

  bit of a division a nice division of [TS]

  labor where your wife does the technical [TS]

  work and you do the kind of the heavy [TS]

  lifting oh geez uh she does all the [TS]

  lifting of all kinds but I mean I'm [TS]

  talking about it in the hair Oh with the [TS]

  hair she cares more and she's better so [TS]

  she'll always win that one oh here's a [TS]

  photograph that's her this morning after [TS]

  the braid she's got some cool sparkly [TS]

  pants and unicorn shoes you know I'm [TS]

  much more in the much more in the like [TS]

  let it ride family of house her hair [TS]

  doing but I'm the only one we've been [TS]

  like somebody who doesn't have to comb [TS]

  it out when it gets bad no I do I'm the [TS]

  only one that I'm the only one that she [TS]

  will let me [TS]

  really because I feel like it's not only [TS]

  like I want my daughter to not not look [TS]

  like a Dickens character it's also just [TS]

  self-preservation it's not competition [TS]

  it's more like holy shit if I have to [TS]

  deal with this tomorrow and not tonight [TS]

  oh brother so you let her cry yeah look [TS]

  at all of her hair Wow do you do the [TS]

  braid yeah look at the shoes well so the [TS]

  those were great so the thing is that my [TS]

  little girl is still I'm still able to [TS]

  bathe her where I'm guessing you are not [TS]

  bathing your daughter anymore and she [TS]

  brings the iPad in she was listening to [TS]

  cleaning slipped by the gorillas last [TS]

  night while she took her own shower yeah [TS]

  that's you know Marlo is sick she still [TS]

  like gets her hair shampooed by somebody [TS]

  got a hand bucket in there no I have a [TS]

  but I do have a very good elaborate sort [TS]

  of air conditioning regimen oh I love [TS]

  this because she's got a house that's [TS]

  been great long hair just if she says [TS]

  you're fine hair right she has thick [TS]

  fine hair right now it's on here lots [TS]

  and lots of fine here okay and so what [TS]

  and it gets tangled but what I do is I [TS]

  do this whole like then we put the [TS]

  conditioner and then we brush it for a [TS]

  long time so I could get away with that [TS]

  I would kill to get away with that every [TS]

  night as a part of putting the [TS]

  conditioner yeah god make everything so [TS]

  much better so you just comb and then I [TS]

  just I'll get down to a finer and finer [TS]

  tooth comb until I'm combing through it [TS]

  like it is corn silk and it has and it [TS]

  has so much conditioner in it now that [TS]

  it's just like like it's like one of [TS]

  those 70s TV commercials where she moves [TS]

  and her hair I'm seeing her fantasizing [TS]

  about it yeah oh my god and the brush [TS]

  must just go right through it it doesn't [TS]

  so she's in the bathtub [TS]

  she's playing with her toys she's not [TS]

  even aware her hair is being brushed [TS]

  because it just feels like this sort of [TS]

  because I mean Connect now you're just [TS]

  you're just bragging we have to get we [TS]

  have to get to send my daughter washes [TS]

  her hands when she gets home without [TS]

  being asked I'm sorry it's not like I [TS]

  was bragging that let's take him a long [TS]

  time it's so weird that I would say that [TS]

  out loud sometimes two books a day [TS]

  did you put electrodes somewhere on the [TS]

  floor where a doctor you know I just [TS]

  said [TS]

  God answered my 1 prayer yeah my mouth [TS]

  technically 1.52 prayers I hope she [TS]

  likes music but I really hope she likes [TS]

  reading please God let her read I don't [TS]

  care if she's a terrible large adult son [TS]

  I don't care how she turns out as long [TS]

  as she likes to read and it's like I [TS]

  will that is I don't care she told my [TS]

  wife this I don't care if she never [TS]

  kicks the ball in her life she keeps [TS]

  reading like this I'm gonna be so happy [TS]

  well there's this this thing about the [TS]

  hair actually is a problem even within [TS]

  my own family because one other I mean [TS]

  like my mom her policy is sit in the [TS]

  goddamn chair I'm gonna brush her hair [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  she doesn't even hold the top mom is [TS]

  good at it she she she knows now not to [TS]

  hurt her but she's also not like [TS]

  Brooking any any you know like sassafras [TS]

  yeah any sassafras your hat your hair's [TS]

  gonna get brushed here's what's not [TS]

  gonna happen you leave here without your [TS]

  hairbrush here's what's also not gonna [TS]

  happen you yell at me while I'm brushing [TS]

  hair so you can see I'm eliminating some [TS]

  of these possibilities mm-hmm [TS]

  but if I if her mom picks up a brush [TS]

  across the room she'll start to cry and [TS]

  so it's really all that must hurt her [TS]

  feelings it doesn't it's a real issue [TS]

  because I'm in there like just [TS]

  luxuriating through this Silk'n move in [TS]

  its silk in slow motion hair mm-hmm and [TS]

  you know and she's not even she doesn't [TS]

  put up a fuss at all because because [TS]

  it's the conditioner the conditioner is [TS]

  the secret ingredient but she will not [TS]

  allow others I know how this is yeah [TS]

  it's weird [TS]

  so strange it is a little braggy I have [TS]

  to it oh no no but you know what good [TS]

  for you to gift yeah you been free good [TS]

  for both of us you know what well good [TS]

  looking guys we just got our parade mmm [TS]

  shoots similarly into school the other [TS]

  day [TS]

  that's not readable you can't read that [TS]

  I know I think it's a prank I bought it [TS]

  for it just said because they're still [TS]

  reading Lord of the Rings it's a very [TS]

  very large books is a very very large [TS]

  book it is very large books well they [TS]

  have I got [TS]

  the addition first I got them in [TS]

  addition that I thought would cuz they [TS]

  wanted to read The Hobbit and they [TS]

  wanted to do Lord of the Rings and so I [TS]

  got this like Amazon Prime right I got [TS]

  this little box set but little shitty [TS]

  fucking letters like a cheap Bible cheap [TS]

  like cheap the skinny paper and little [TS]

  tiny letters like be careful before you [TS]

  buy a complete Sherlock Holmes like a [TS]

  you know full if that thing's not huge [TS]

  it's gonna be hard to read that's what I [TS]

  learned [TS]

  uh-huh so then I thought so down there [TS]

  reading the Lord of the Rings I got him [TS]

  a bigger Edition that's got bigger [TS]

  letters in nicer paper and I thought I'm [TS]

  just gonna get the Cimorelli and I'm [TS]

  just gonna put it here I'm not gonna [TS]

  fucking read it no way I don't know [TS]

  thank you yeah exactly so obviously but [TS]

  here though because they're very into [TS]

  this like we sit and watch these movies [TS]

  and I'm like which one is Sir dingus of [TS]

  doomed place and they're like claiming [TS]

  joke you know don't know the story don't [TS]

  even make my family becomes like John [TS]

  siracusa there's like they're like you [TS]

  don't even know what to make fun of when [TS]

  you're watching this you idiot but you [TS]

  know what makes fun of yeah there are [TS]

  some of the matrix I don't know if I [TS]

  would go there but she's yeah she's [TS]

  sophisticated it's better than you think [TS]

  it's really I mean in terms of like [TS]

  there's some stuff mostly it's creepy [TS]

  it's just real creepy but she loved it [TS]

  yeah I bet I bet I mean sheesh I had to [TS]

  point out that that was Elrond but like [TS]

  she's mostly oh it is Elrond mr. [TS]

  Anderson she she didn't she didn't see [TS]

  that shit rock rock the agent Smith was [TS]

  all wrong that's my game is like you [TS]

  know you know you know you have an old [TS]

  man in your car when you're going down [TS]

  the street and he just reads all the [TS]

  signs you remember this phenomenon as [TS]

  well huh I was sorry I was talking to my [TS]

  kid the other day and as we were driving [TS]

  along and she was reading the signs and [TS]

  I was like you know that's a thing right [TS]

  that's an old man that's the thing [TS]

  that's a thing that little men do where [TS]

  they read every single and she was like [TS]

  I thought it was a joke but it's true [TS]

  axis Ajax monuments yeah [TS]

  fried the chicken yeah there's a truck [TS]

  stop up here [TS]

  oh we're watching this nanny mcphee [TS]

  movie we had a sleepover in our guest [TS]

  wanted to watch nanny mcphee we're [TS]

  watching I go home I was like look at [TS]

  that that's the gout from the Harry [TS]

  Potter that's the professor Trelawney [TS]

  professor Trelawney but she's wearing a [TS]

  lot and look at that that's that's [TS]

  that's Professor Umbridge you know from [TS]

  the the Ministry of Magic she's playing [TS]

  the the cook in this they're like that [TS]

  just close IMDB like stop talking oh I [TS]

  really like I really like that you're [TS]

  that Jimmy Stewart comes out of you a [TS]

  little bit if not in impersonation very [TS]

  much in like comportment you know no no [TS]

  no no I know I'm pretty sure I put my [TS]

  pants here what do people keep moving my [TS]

  pants and my coins I just love that tan [TS]

  tan okay you know I think we should keep [TS]

  going at nine I think we should stick [TS]

  with it I know it's a pilot program what [TS]

  do you think should we keep with it it [TS]

  hasn't it's not a I don't think that [TS]

  it's a question of nine or ten because I [TS]

  think if it was at ten I would have [TS]

  stayed up another hour you know it's [TS]

  it's not that it's too early it's just [TS]

  that I'll get to figure out a different [TS]

  way to live doing them of date what if [TS]

  it what if we did it at six then both of [TS]

  us would be like get a good start to our [TS]

  day mutually inconvenienced what if we [TS]

  do it at 5:30 am was you know what if we [TS]

  did at 5:30 p.m. well that would be [TS]

  really a giant oh yeah that would suck [TS]

  oh that would be extremely inconvenient [TS]

  no that would be terrible [TS]

  I I don't think I'd be able to do that [TS]

  45 to 5:30 that's not a time that I [TS]

  booked stuff what about that [TS]

  that's what if we really fucked [TS]

  ourselves up right I need an invite [TS]

  I understand why you don't go out more [TS]