Top Four

Top Four 31: Nightmare Vacations


  you know it's the summertime it is time

  for vacations for a lot of people

  especially August especially August yeah

  August is like I think the top vacation

  month according to the zero research I

  did before the show about that but but

  you know there are some vacations a

  vacation I feel like is a relative term

  it's a thing that you can do but the

  things that people choose to do whether

  they consider that a vacation or not it

  seems to vary person by person you know

  but even that sometimes you go on

  vacation and when you get home you feel

  like you need a vacation from your

  vacation yeah exactly like some

  vacations are just exhausting and some

  of them are really actually not very fun

  or not very relaxing you know that very

  naked lady song never is enough yeah

  never wanna do that stuff well hearing a

  lot of our friends and family and loved

  ones talk about their vacations just

  sometimes make us say yeah I'm never

  doing that is plenty of doing that for

  me and I'm super happy that they enjoyed

  their vacations as you should but we

  would like to make a list of our top for

  vacation nightmares or nightmare

  vacations I guess

  or nightmare vacations and some of mine

  too are things that I actually have done

  yeah I mean fact I've done most of these

  and I don't want to do them again


  yeah because you know it's for me like a

  vacation for me is I mean something like

  everybody wants different things out of

  their vacation some people want to do as

  little as possible some people want to

  travel as much as possible and and

  sightsee when they travel and and or do

  things like have big adventures when

  they travel stuff like that and for and

  you know for other people the the ideal

  vacation is just like just staying in

  their house doing as little as possible

  doing nothing some people want to want

  to or need to bring their kids or their

  pets and some people that's the last

  thing they want to do and and so there's

  a huge variety of like what people

  actually want out of a vacation so

  anyway so this is this is not to insult

  anyone elses

  vacation preferences this is gonna be

  just like the things that we really are

  not interested in doing do you think at

  this point people are really insulted by

  our opinions I guess we probably lost

  them a long time ago yeah I think the

  people that get easily insulted have has

  switched us off probably so anyway so

  for those of you who are left and not

  yet insulted prepare to be insulted so

  here you go we're gonna we're gonna

  trash everything you like to do oh sorry

  not sorry we don't want to do it it's

  our idea of vacation it's not ideal

  vacations in general because we did not

  take all vacations like we ate all the

  ice cream and just tried them out and

  report it back to you this one why the

  complete rejection oh we should have

  done that that would have been the real

  way to do it so sorry everybody we have

  we made a huge mistake we should have

  just taken all of the money that we make

  from the podcasts and run around and

  take in all of these vacations yeah just

  take it just take a bunch of vacations

  for a whole year and then review the

  vacations that we take that could be our

  next podcast actually mark joint if on

  vacation complain about everywhere we

  are we would be the worst travel show

  yeah we'd be like this is boring or

  weird or I'm tired or I'm hot Oh God

  that would be everything everywhere we

  went we would be so dull anyway let's

  talk about where we would be dull all

  right my number four are you ready I am

  ready let's do it alright so in the

  spirit of top four okay it's a little

  convoluted here but I have anything

  skiing cold weather or an ice hotel what

  is an ice hotel an ice hotel is exactly

  what it sounds like it's an entire Hotel

  made of ice that exists like not in

  movies like I know like you can go stay

  in nice hotels that sounds like the

  worst that does some pretty bad like you

  literally sleep on ice bed in like skins

  of animals that sounds that way it's

  p.m. people pay to do this yes they

  totally pay you this and go to the ice

  bar and like say in the Ice Hotel benya

  Lane I I like like a chilled environment

  like I I appreciate you know there's

  like two kills

  the signs freezer-burn like you all will

  be getting freezer burn if you lie on

  the floor for too long you get like like

  frostbite the quints yeah I don't know

  okay so I seen it like on Travel

  Channel's and stuff and like Rando

  internet things like 12 vacations you

  would don't believe but so easy man I'm

  like nope I never I never want to do

  that that's something I never cared to

  see yeah yeah that sounds awful I mean

  like I just see even like getting there

  to see it sounds cold like it sounds

  like too much to even see it I think

  seeing it on the TV is just plenty cuz

  you probably can't have a nice hotel in

  any remotely warm climate so you have to

  have to already be in a very cold

  location they might have one in Dubai

  well yeah that's everything you do by

  anyway I also made my list I put those

  with skiing because I used to really

  like skiing and I did it with my dad but

  now I feel like I'm too old and scared

  to do skiing well like I feel like I

  just might wet my legs start wobbling

  yeah as soon as I think about skiing

  it's exhausting yeah like I did I did go

  on a ski vacation

  as part of a bachelor party for my best

  friend for you know for his before his

  wedding right that's one of them yeah

  yeah yeah and and and we went skiing a

  couple years ago and it was it was in a

  great location near Seattle and I hadn't

  been skiing since high school and so I

  hadn't skied for whatever it was like 10

  15 years and dangerous it sounds

  terrifying and the good thing is I

  remembered how to do it like I did I

  hadn't lost the skill but as soon like I

  went down the slopes a few times and I

  was like oh my god like my knees are

  starting to get tired and I'm starting

  to get less stable now and I know like

  when I was 17 doing this I was probably

  still mostly made of rubber so that

  wouldn't really matter if I hurt myself

  but when I was like 33 or 34 doing it

  like I would have seriously injured

  myself and had a much worse longer

  recovery time if I would have you know

  fallen in some weird way I messed up my

  legs but the thing about skiing really

  is that it needs to have the absolute


  conditions for it to be fun at all and

  you need to be in excellent physical

  condition and practiced at skiing and

  even if you're hanging out at the lodge

  it's really not that fun because on like

  peak ski seasons it's so crowded and

  it's noisier than it needs to be and you

  have to wear like weird fitting clothes

  and wear those stoppi boots and like hey

  there's just there's so many things

  there's just so many things and no it's

  just no so anyway I just don't want to

  pack for winter vacations it just sounds

  so bulky and packing for that it's just

  exhausting I don't want to be on

  anything treacherous outside like an

  Everest vacation where there's there's

  terrifying bridges or ledges or anywhere

  that I might die like I don't want to

  encounter any of that winter cold

  vacation tastic stuff so yeah I mean no

  thanks I think part of the reasons like

  we live in New York where we have

  winters with snow and everything it's

  like and even though it's not the same

  as like you know going up a huge

  mountain with like that kind of snow

  it's we still have enough snow in enough

  winters that the last thing we want to

  do is pay and spend vacation time to go

  somewhere to experience more winter yeah

  cuz I couldn't I couldn't even think of

  a season that I would want to go to

  winter so in winter I don't want to go

  to more winter when it's finally spring

  I'm like thank God spring like you don't

  want to go to winter when it's

  summertime it's summertime why waste the

  summer going back to winter and then

  when the fall it's almost winter so why


  that's yeah you're right that's totally

  amazing yeah it's like IIIi agree like

  there-there is no time of year where I

  we're like experiencing more winter like

  things would be considered refreshing

  like even now in August when we had were

  having some really hot days and hanging

  out in uh near conditioned places a lot

  of the time and and so we really should

  like if there was a time that we would

  want to do that it's probably now and we

  don't want it like it sounds uh so

  because I don't want

  think about putting on more clothes and

  when you go to the winter you have to

  put more clothes on so like I don't want

  to think about bundling up when I'm at

  my hot like feeling the hottest in the

  weather anyway so yeah

  number four never is enough winter so my

  number four I kind of went in the

  opposite direction and this is this is

  one of my only ones that's that's a very

  specific place and that is Phoenix

  Arizona and but with all due apologies

  to the great residents of Phoenix I'm

  not talking about you here this is very

  specific yes I'm very curious so the

  reason was so I I have been to Phoenix

  Arizona for a number of different things

  over the years most most notably my

  grandparents used to live there but now

  they don't so I don't really have any

  reason to go back there for any kind of

  like strong family connection or


  it would just be if I went back there it

  would be for some other random reason

  and Phoenix Arizona is a place where for

  most of the year it is oppressively hot

  you know so it is so hot and so sunny

  and so dry because they decided to build

  a city in the middle of a desert for

  some reason that they're you you

  basically can't go outside like it one

  of the reasons why I get kind of

  depressed and unhappy in winter is

  because I feel like the outside

  conditions are so hostile that I can't

  really go outside and enjoy myself I

  can't go like take a big dog lock or or

  just like walk around outside or do

  things outside because it's so

  impressively cold and crappy in the

  winter Phoenix has that problem in the

  opposite direction on the heat side like

  Phoenix is so hot that you basically end

  up spending all of your time indoors in

  air conditioning anyway so you can't

  you're still not going outside and able

  to really do much outside except for

  during you know very limited times of

  the year and limited times of the day

  but that could be like it that could be

  a lot of different hot places why

  Phoenix specifically because Phoenix

  does not offer me any reason why I want

  to endure that heat so like one of the

  reasons like so reason is they didn't

  give me a good enough reason yeah

  basically so like like what I want

  travel somewhere one of the things I'd

  like to do as you know one of the things

  that that we enjoy doing is getting a

  hotel room that has a decent view the

  kind of view I usually like to get is

  usually of water or at least a very high

  up view and one thing Phoenix does not

  have a lot of is high up hotel buildings

  and water so there's not a lot there to

  attract me there now that my family

  doesn't live there anymore it's also

  full of not only the the very hostile

  natural environment of Phoenix but also

  the wildlife in the in the Phoenix area

  is scary as hell like they have this the

  like you know scorpions and coyotes and

  super coyotes and mega coyotes and ultra

  coyotes everything that will try to eat

  you and kill you not to mention the gun

  people like there's I find the people in

  Phoenix to be not you do you listener

  and yeah you're gonna piss off people

  well you dear listener in Phoenix we're

  not this are not these people you're

  probably not the majority unfortunately

  the other people in Phoenix who are not

  listening to the show I find generally

  off-putting too scary and and there you

  know there's a big like you know

  conservative gun racists you know

  undertone of a lot of people there it's

  interesting very specific here I know

  something happened to you in Phoenix

  that you need to talk about no it's just

  to read to have a moment to get the

  culture there I feel like it is not a

  good fit for me either in addition to

  the climate being a very bad fit for me

  and then finally is the law of hot

  places the law of hot places is

  basically my rule that says that places

  with really hot letter tend to have

  really crappy coffee and Phoenix it's

  true Phoenix is the place where I came

  up with the law of hot places it is the

  place that inspired it's the birthplace

  of the law of hot places they should

  have a plaque actually at the Phoenix


  yeah the airport the same Sky Harbor

  because there's no water anywhere nearby


  everyone wants to be port city it's fine

  everyone's jealous

  I respect the the level of denial

  they've achieved in that Airport with

  all like the nautical themes it's bad

  anyway so yeah like the law of hot

  places basically is you know places with

  very hot weather tend not to have a lot

  people seeking out hot coffee and you

  know most of the caffeine serving these

  places tends to be iced coffee or you

  know other like variations like

  Frappuccino kind of blended drink stuff

  like that and so ice coffee you're

  loading up with milk and sugar anyway

  like even people like me who enjoy black


  you met most of us I would have eight I

  would wager will add some kind of

  sweetener or milk or something to iced

  coffee so the hot places tend not to

  have very good coffee because nobody

  ever really wants it like that there

  aren't a lot of like hot black coffee

  drinkers there and and those of us who

  are there have basically had to deal

  with whatever options we have and

  there's not very many of them so there's

  not really any incentive for them to

  have a great coffee and they usually

  don't so combine the relatively poor

  coffee options along with the miserably

  hot weather the the oppressive outdoor

  conditions the ultra maker coyotes and

  the gun people and I just don't want to

  go there anymore well there we go

  wow you feel really strongly about

  Phoenix sorry Phoenix people yeah I I

  know some very nice people from Phoenix

  unfortunately there's a lot more crazy

  woman sorry okay number three for me is

  at I know you're usually the one I'm

  getting my dues in here of screwing up

  the top forage of these things alright

  so my number three is a tie between a

  cruise anywhere and Branson Missouri

  okay let's I think we need to discuss

  these individually oh alright where

  would you like me to start we start with

  the cruise or bracelets were on specific

  places let's start with Branson Missouri

  I don't even know where that is what

  Missouri okay that's and it's quite

  brand I barely know where that is but

  it's this date I mean I in arc I know

  it's kind of in the middle and I mmm

  okay my Adam has a little like foam map

  and I'm trying to picture it and you

  stick on the wall and the big question

  is if you were faced with with I can

  find it well if you were face to the

  of the US with no lines in it I just

  know if a sign said Branson Missouri I

  wouldn't want to go there waiting the

  signs if you had a map but no with no

  state lines drawn it was just blank in

  the middle could you like pinpoint with

  a pencil like this is in Missouri like

  any point in there and we do you think

  you'd be right I'm guessing I have I

  think I might have the wrong hemisphere

  of the country honestly in my mind but

  it doesn't matter I'm not getting on a

  plane to Branson Missouri I am NOT

  driving to Branson Missouri I'm not

  doing it like it's not happening sorry

  Branson people it's not about the people

  it's not about the weather well maybe a

  little bit about the weather but it's

  really not because I can get over that

  kind of stuff it's about your content I

  have a problem with your content you're

  gonna have to explain this all right so

  Branson Missouri is kind of like a huge

  mega vacation spot for a whole bunch of

  theater and country music and Dolly

  Parton stuff whoo I really like Dolly

  Parton but all of that kind of Missouri

  country music yeah I don't mean to like

  crap on country music I really don't

  losing all the friends oh my gosh I know

  I'm so sorry

  no and and now I just sounded like such

  a lady saying crap on country music oh

  and I've got a choice

  all right I don't mean to put down

  country music it's fine but a location

  for vacation that is so centralized and

  so saturated with country music sounds

  like one of the least fun places for me

  to go so that's why I have it it's just

  it's a lot of stuff I hear it's very

  crowded I hear the weather isn't that

  fantastic and it's almost like you know

  it's just like a big theater party of

  country music and I don't want to go

  there all right so that's it's a tie for

  cruises wait so I'm home before we leave

  Branson Missouri have you even like

  you've never mentioned before how'd you

  even hear about this place we've never

  gone anywhere near Missouri you we've

  you've never as far as I know research

  to country music destinations how'd you

  even hear about it well I used to be a

  theatre kid so Branson

  Missouri is like a big place to work or

  have jobs or that people have you know

  have worked there and it's it's kind of

  like a mecca of this kind of thing and

  if you are at all interested in that

  like going to theater going to shows

  going to concerts that all happens in

  Branson it's almost it's like a it's

  almost like a Disney World for country

  music and different types of theater

  it's just it's a very busy and dense

  area for that more than any other city

  if you think of like okay like New York

  has Broadway but Broadway is so spread

  out Branson Missouri is its own like

  special little dome of coach of that

  kind of culture and I don't want to go

  there you made fun of me for Phoenix and

  that's like wow but it but Branson is

  like a destination like it's a big big

  destination and I just would never want

  to go so if anyone's like oh I'm taking

  a trip to Branson you want to come I'd

  be like even if you're my favorite

  person in the whole world no I don't

  want to go so never is enough Branson

  Missouri tie for number three because I

  couldn't I just couldn't not say

  anything about Branson because it was

  just it's such it's it's such a dense

  area and it's so prominent and it's it's

  so well known by almost everybody except

  for Marco anyway cruises never is enough

  except we did do one cruise and we were

  totally seasick the whole time and we

  kept taking Dramamine which we thought

  was drought non-drowsy Dramamine and we

  kept falling asleep at dinner

  the food isn't that great you're kind of

  trapped on a boat you are forced to have

  fun in ways that you don't want to have

  fun you feel like you're getting nowhere

  because you aren't really getting

  anywhere if there's bad weather you the

  boats rocky and it's terrible even we

  stayed in like a really good room and it

  was still the room was high up with a

  view of water it that that part was very

  nice but it would not make that alone

  does not make me want to get on a cruise

  again you don't have enough time in the

  port cities to really do much when you

  do stop it the even just walking past

  some of the interior

  cabin rooms made me nauseous because

  they have no windows in little beds and

  I'm like I don't know how anyone could

  stay in there I would get sick instantly

  and just all the things that were

  happening on the cruise were things that

  we never would want to even do we

  couldn't find anything to do on the boat

  that we like to do because we didn't

  want to do any of it like we don't want

  to eat half the food because it was all

  like fatty random super indulgent stuff

  that doesn't make you feel good

  especially when you're seasick half the

  time and we didn't want to go in the

  pool because almost all the other places

  were crowded we didn't want to drink

  because we were already nauseous like

  there was just so much happening on a

  cruise that we didn't want to do so I

  would never again do a cruise to

  anywhere so yeah see I feel like I feel

  like there there would be I'm sure there

  are cruises out there that we would

  enjoy more we just didn't find the right

  one and it doesn't seem like it's worth

  trying a bunch of them to find the right

  one okay so let me let me pitch it to

  you this way any kind of themed cruise I

  don't want to be forced into a theme on

  my vacation stuck on a boat with a whole

  bunch of people who are super excited

  about the theme number two an untamed

  Cruise what's happening on this cruise

  why are we even on this boat why can't I

  just be in a hotel somewhere that I can

  escape from if I wanted to and so there

  we go and I see this thing yeah like

  that for me like the I suppose the once

  we discovered Vegas which we thought we

  would hate and and we ended up you know

  finding a way that we like cruise but

  you don't move right oh it's better

  right like once we discovered that I I

  realized that most of the advantages

  that we liked about cruise is like you

  know you everything's kind of right

  there it's ah it's kind of all on

  property you don't really need to leave

  you know the cruise or the Vegas to like

  find good restaurants and stuff that you

  want to do it but I gotta say Vegas and


  I don't mind kitschy I really don't rush

  sometimes kitschy is fun but I want to

  be able to control the amount of Kitsch

  that is entering my periphery I I do and

  I feel like when we go to Vegas we stay

  at a place that we can kind of control

  the amount of kitsch

  kind of get away from it we have times

  that we're outside like it's just it's

  it's a low-level hum of kitsch the

  entire time it's not the shouting of

  kitsch so yeah it's just I just feel

  like cruises are just too much and I

  think at one point I'll just be like I

  might jump off the boat I don't know I

  don't know I don't want to put myself in

  that position where I feel like I want

  to jump the boat yeah I feel like part

  of our problem was that we really did

  not react well to the you know really

  rough water that we had and like when

  you're on a cruise like you're you're at

  the mercy of the water conditions for a

  lot of your enjoyment like if if you're

  having or if you're having rough seas

  you're just kind of out of luck like

  you're just gonna have to deal with that

  and even the fact that that is a tiny

  factor at all I what I know I know I'm

  just saying it is like if someone's

  considering it a tiny factor out there

  at all it being a tiny factor that the

  place where I am sleeping and staying

  and living for the amount of time that I

  have to be there could possibly move and

  make me sick I don't want to deal with

  it yeah all right

  are you are you done with all of your

  number three if you have any more number

  three's to do nope I think I hit all

  those points Branson Missouri crews not

  enough time at ports trapped seasick yep

  done okay my sole number three looks I'm

  doing this right for once

  well you just that's just sad it's all

  by itself my soul number three is

  speaking at a conference

  what so okay wait hold on mister Armand

  yes it is fine to have this list say

  things like yeah we did it once and we

  would never do it again

  this sounds like a list of things that

  you have done and have hated not so much

  an a list of things that you would never

  want to do based on the description of

  them because I really like assuming

  things personally and then you know

  talking about them like it's our job

  don't okay I'll get to those okay those

  are higher on the list okay I feel like

  right now I feel like we're getting

  getting a little sad and sad no speaka

  conferences is very simple it basically

  like you know conferences are often

  in really interesting nice places or

  venues or cities or whatever and they're

  often a way to for for you know young

  professionals to travel around for

  discounted rates or for free or to even

  get paid for traveling to these awesome

  places in exchange for you speaking at a

  conference or taking some part in a

  conference like that these are often

  held in like a some really nice places

  that I would love to have time to

  explore but when I am there to speak or

  you have a presentation or something

  like that

  I get so nervous about that and so

  consumed in the preparation of it I have

  spent so much time preparing for it that

  I'm not able to enjoy the great places

  these conferences are and so I like the

  the beauty of the place or the

  interestingness of the city or whatever

  is wasted on me because I'm I'm nervous

  about my talk or I'm you're Herzing my

  talk or I'm still building my talk

  hold the phone yeah you're playing this

  game wrong this is nightmare vacations a

  conference that invites you to speak in

  some clothes vacation it's work well it

  kind of feels like a vacation especially

  a lot of times you're not getting good

  nightmares like a vacation vacations

  well but they do and a lot of a lot of

  the vacations we've taken in the last

  five years or so have been me speaking

  at a conference and so I am rejecting

  this you actually have no number three

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  shopping at the grocery store for a

  week's worth of meals upfront and

  planning that all out and everything we

  just would hardly ever do that will just

  you know forget to do it or will shop

  for like one meal at a time and we're

  either going to a grocery store every

  single day for you know

  arbitrary bits of things or we're just

  at seven o'clock at night realizing oh

  crap we didn't plan anything tonight

  I guess we'll order pizza so to have

  blue apron has been really a great great

  improvement anyway so since I allegedly

  did not have a number three what is your

  number two can't believe that was

  alright my number two is Florida Mexico

  Machu Picchu or anywhere with monkeys

  okay wait is that is that a list to

  represent all places with monkeys or is

  the monkeys a separate item on that list

  are there monkeys in Florida is is what

  I'm really asking here I don't think

  there are monkeys in Florida if they are

  they might be like performing street

  monkeys like the little ones with the

  hats okay I don't know monkeys freak me

  out don't like monkeys I don't want to

  be in any of those cities where there

  are monkeys everywhere just can't handle


  yeah those look weird Florida sounds

  terrible I bit while I've been to

  Florida and I don't really want to go

  back for a vacation I will go back for

  things if I have to go do things in

  Florida but for a vacation like I'm

  gonna go on vacation yeah it's not gonna

  be Florida has heat humidity mosquitos

  20 something people slow drivers slow

  walkers hopefully be alligators and

  stuff alligators there's like apparently

  tons of serial killers according to

  Dexter so I mean it sounds like a place

  where it doesn't sound very fun to be

  down there I have Mexico on this list

  because I do believe they have monkeys

  they are also very hot but I think some

  people have had some really nice times

  in Mexico but from what I've heard again

  huge stereotype what I've heard what's

  going on the people often go to Resorts

  and that they do not leave the resort

  because it's very dangerous so that does

  not sound like a good vacation place to

  me where I would feel like oh I have to

  fly in and get to this one place and

  then everything's gonna be okay and I

  will have all the drinks that I want and

  party party party and then I just want

  to get on the plane and leave that

  doesn't make me feel great of a place to

  go visit

  and Machu Picchu it's a whole bunch of

  ruins which I think are probably very

  beautiful in real life but I seen

  pictures of them and generally I don't

  need to walk around a whole bunch of

  ruins I know there's a lot of culture

  and a lot of history and things like

  that and I love learning about that kind

  of stuff from the comfort of my own

  couch and so never is enough sorry

  Florida Mexico Machu Picchu and anywhere

  with monkeys how is that possibly one

  entry they seem like a little cluster

  like a group like an idea they all kind

  of went together in my mind

  so a hot weather dangerous resorts ruins

  and monkeys so that's that all sounds

  the same to you yeah cuz root the ruins

  sound dangerous too like I feel like I

  could get hurt or bit by a snake or

  something I'm not afraid of snakes but

  I'm afraid of very poisonous snakes and

  it seems like the very poisonous snakes

  would be in ruins or possibly something

  cursed don't want to encounter that but

  I'm sure stakes but I'm afraid of

  getting bitten by what well yeah I'm

  sure there's monkeys running around

  holding you know venomous snakes and

  throwing them they throw them at you

  that's how the snakes get to you

  obviously I know there just seems like

  there's just too much danger for me to

  ever want to actually vacation there wow

  I have nothing to add to that I don't

  even know where to add from this crazy

  Tower number to hear that Wow yep never

  is enough I will see that Florida I

  consider putting Florida on my list

  because it's also not really for me

  however you know compared to Arizona

  Florida while that it also has a lot of

  heat and a lot of crazy wildlife and

  what a crazy Florida is full of humidity

  it's that like wet so key grossie okay

  so so Florida yes Florida is indeed very

  very humid but the people in dry places

  like Arizona I don't sell they'll say

  well it's 115 degrees here but it's a

  dry heat you know everyone always says

  it's a dry heat it's not as bad and

  they're right a dry heat is not as bad

  as the crazy Florida heat however as hot

  as it is in Arizona is bad regardless of

  how dry it is like it is still really

  bad so Florida yes Florida is also


  but horrible and that makes it bad - but

  Arizona people you you have nothing

  better to say like you you have no your

  honor but Florida here why are you

  bringing Arizona back into this you just

  keep wanting to beat them down

  reasonably my Arizona in my list in

  Florida didn't is because at least when

  you go to Florida you can find a high up

  hotel room with a view of the water that

  we want to actually go outside or go

  anywhere near the surface of the ground

  where all the crazy gun people and

  alligators are but you can at least stay

  in your nice hotel and look at the water

  and enjoy the breeze that is true if we

  did go to a wedding in Florida it was

  very very nice

  exactly and that's that's a place where

  we went in the winter and it was really

  nice to have like fresh warm air in the

  middle of the winter because it was more

  reasonable there I would not go to

  Florida anytime during the summer

  because they would be way too hot and

  horrible but that is a nice place to go

  in the winter if you just want to stay

  in a hotel and not do much else which

  does sound kind of like us actually I'm

  still keeping Florida on my list because

  I will go to Florida for an event that

  to me is not a vacation and that's why

  you have a void at your number three

  because so I will happily go to Florida

  when invited for an event or something

  like that

  okay that's out that but as in a choice

  to go to Florida generally no all right

  my number two is going back to my

  hometown for a high school reunion

  you're so bad at this list what is the

  bet that's a vacation yeah a one-time

  vacation high school reunions happen

  like three times ever

  you just country to yourself in one

  sentence that's fine I do what I want

  here man look good my pike so I haven't

  gone my ten-year reunion past how many

  years are your ten-year reunion and I'll

  tell you why you beat you we've gotten

  snake sorting by monkeys a much broader

  idea high school reunion really isn't

  events Marco doesn't want to attend

  podcast this is nice

  Kayson that's a vacation you know

  because some people considered a

  vacation I'm gonna go keep going you're

  ridiculous because these are events that

  you're saying you don't want to go to

  it's like saying like I don't want to go

  to my cousin's wedding like this isn't a

  vacation event that you have to travel

  to in another place it's not a vacation

  a vacation is something that you sit

  down and you plan and you decide we have

  nothing to do this weekend and we want

  to do something or this week or next

  month or first spring break your list

  and commit a mountain and an animal

  vacations are things that you plan to go

  to when you have nothing when no that is

  an event that is an event speaking at a

  conference is an event high school

  reunions is an event going to weddings

  is an event graduations event there is e

  these are events and obligations most of

  those things right this isn't the

  offense an obligations nightmare story

  nightmare vacations which you plan for

  leisure or leisure or however you want

  to say it the thing where you do or you

  hang out and you relax and you do

  something for fun that makes you happy

  because oh my god well no you're getting

  me all riled up because you're Julie

  think of a place that you would oh my

  gosh where would you not want to go on

  vacation uh a bar in Columbus Ohio that

  has people in my high school in it


  what quit anyway that's my number two


  what's your number one honey I don't

  know honey

  it's certainly not a high school reunion

  that only happens every five years that

  I wouldn't want to go to anyway what's

  your number one honey my number one

  nightmare vacation as in an event that I

  would plan and attend hmm

  I shouldn't say event I should say

  location Oh interesting you can cut that

  out that was a slip of the lip no I'm

  not cutting that up I don't it's not an

  event all right good night verification

  a place that I would plan to go to and

  enjoy some time there or not enjoy my

  number one is Disney Disney sounds like

  the worst oh you'd go there of our

  friends talk about going to Disney and

  everything that they talk about

  happening in Disney sounds terrible

  it just sounds terrible it is lines it

  is crowds its heat its people and giant

  character costumes which is slightly

  terrifying it's like you know I've been

  and I'm sure a little bit of Branson

  Missouri is in there too because they

  have that whole small world business

  going on so it just rolled into one

  giant aqua globe of just things not for

  you not fun no not fun yeah it's it's

  hard for it cuz like so many of our

  friends do go to Disney on a regular

  basis and enjoy it and tell us that we

  would like it or that we should go I

  would not land and every time they

  explained to us why we would like it and

  why it's not what we think the things

  they say are things that we don't like

  or would hate like it no one has ever

  made a good argument as to why we would

  like this they may they be convinced as

  to why they like it and that's fine as

  you mentioned it's at the start of the

  show people like different things but no

  one has ever

  it said anything about Disney or what

  it's like to actually go there that made

  it sound tempting for us and we we are

  it sounds terrible to go there with

  children because first of all you have

  to force them through all the crowds and

  the lines and the heat and the

  terrifying characters and the travel to

  get there to be in life and the travel

  to get there to begin with and then you

  either have to get there super early at

  the park or stay there for a really long

  time and there's all kinds of strange

  weirdo passes that don't seem to work

  the way they need to work to throw a

  whole bunch of money at the problem

  you have to like plan all of this stuff

  and have these silly little key fob e

  things all over the place that they're

  apparently some nice restaurants to go

  to but you have to go through all of the

  lines heat crowds and characters to get

  to the restaurants so why would I bother

  I can't go to a nice restaurant here

  without waiting online without going

  through all creepy characters without

  having all of this happen I have no

  heart connection to Disney whatsoever

  I really don't my son has really no

  heart connection to Disney yes we like

  to watch movies they are fine they're

  movies that's what they are I don't need

  to go get into the movie to enjoy it

  like I have no desire to that I see the

  movie I it's over I shut it off and I

  move on with my life I would not like

  Disney I just I wouldn't like it I've

  been there as a child I have very little

  memory of it I don't I don't think I had

  that much fun I mean I might have had

  some fun but I just remember it being

  hot I remember not wanting to walk and I

  remember waiting aligns so there you go

  and I remember goofy trying to bite my

  head at a restaurant and it was super

  awkward why did he do that I was a

  little girl didn't need to happen anyway

  probably like some poor high school kid

  in the summer job in that costume and I

  also feel bad for all the people who are

  working there right they all have to

  like sit in those sweltering costumes

  and like just everything surrounding the

  Disney I don't think I would like I I

  just don't know ride to me is worth a

  two-hour line nothing is like no ride to

  me is worth booking hours in advance and

  then trying to get back to it to go to

  it just if I wanted to go on rides I'll

  just go for a day at an amusement park

  and rainy days in amusement park

  are awesome actually rollercoasters in

  the rain amazing cuz they're not that

  scary but they're much better when the

  rains in your face is going to it's

  really very fun then but yeah I just

  yeah trams parking every I know

  everything about it yeah I think we are

  we are lucky in that our Sun is really

  has it really never gotten that

  interested in like the individual

  characters of the movies like he'll want

  to watch a movie a few times and then

  you know he'll be he'll like the movie

  for a little bit and then he'll be done

  with it he'll move on he doesn't get

  obsessed with the characters as much as

  a lot of kids do and so yeah we bought

  him some like little toys of things of

  characters for movies he likes and he

  likes it's like oh cool and then he

  moves on yeah yeah yeah so like we're

  lucky that like you know if your kids

  are super into it then I could see why

  you'd go that you know you were you'd

  endure all this stuff you know to give

  your kids a good time but why adults go

  there is for them for their own benefit

  is all for reasons that sound awful to

  me and like and I know we're getting the

  most feedback about this we're and we're

  gonna have the most of our friends

  telling us why we should do this and why

  we're all wrong about this

  I'm sorry folks never enough it sounds

  that what you're getting it sounds it

  sounds like it's not worth all the

  hassle and and also you know if we were

  if we were to go everybody has their

  tips about well it is horrible you're

  right unless you do tips XY and Z and

  everyone has a different list of those

  things and I know that in practice we

  wouldn't we would do something wrong we

  you know we would not do the tip

  correctly or we would not take the

  Fastpass Express line properly or

  whatever and like something we would do

  it wrong and then ever end we'd have a

  bad time and all these people who were

  telling us that we would love this would

  be like well you just did it wrong like

  I don't think it's just I don't want the

  possibility of going somewhere and just

  because I went there and I didn't do it

  right it was the reason I didn't want it

  didn't have fun I just want to be able

  to go somewhere and enjoy it for what it

  is I don't want to have to put in a

  whole bunch of research and work and

  like all of this

  overhead to have fun in a fake fun land

  yeah it seems like you can really have

  to try very hard to properly manage a

  successful Disney trip and I know there

  are people you can pay to help you

  manage it and even that sounds weird it

  sounds it just sounds like a waste of

  money to me like I really I wouldn't

  even feel good about throwing money at

  this problem because it doesn't sound

  like a great way for us to spend money

  in order to get back memories of

  enjoyment because I would spend the

  whole time

  having angry face the only thing I will

  say just agree with you on is you said

  you kind of said earlier that like you'd

  rather go there than other or you rather

  go go to just any amusement park I

  honestly I don't like any amusement

  parks if I'm going to go to one I would

  probably want to go to a really big

  well-run one and by most people

  description descriptions Disney is that

  so no see to me an amusement park is a

  getting get out you spent you go there

  you spend a couple hours there yeah but

  it's not like tons of it a week

  difference no and it's not like let me

  buy Fast Pass tickets to get on a line

  that other people are standing on for

  two hours it's literally like a

  15-minute line to go do the log flume or

  whatever and then you're done like well

  but like you know smaller parks are

  often you know not very well-run and you

  know at least it does it have to be for

  you to go there you get your dippin dots

  you get online for the roller coaster

  you use the bathroom four or five times

  you watch the bird show and then the

  spinning plates and then you get to go

  home like it's done yeah see I would

  rather just not go to him using Park at

  all and just do anything else in the in

  the world than that anyway so that's

  your number one yeah that is my hard and

  strong number one Disney no matter what

  anyone tells me it's not gonna happen

  and I respect that you enjoy it because

  it's your vacation it's not mine so

  there we go my number one is similar to

  some of your ones that you've been

  sprinkling throughout your various


  horribly structured list you have over

  there okay is it monkeys or Branson

  Missouri its rocks no it's similar

  that's actually my number one is the

  general category of hiking and camping

  Oh see now that's that's a proper mode

  you get battery on the list yes the

  general category of hiking and camping

  this also includes tangentially related

  things like mountain climbing RV touring

  or caravana depending where you are the

  idea of going in a vehicle that's

  basically a big camper van thing so

  pretty much any form of roughing it

  which is outside of your own home yeah

  exactly and and it's like pretty much

  like everything Brady doesn't vacation

  like Brady goes to nice resorts as well

  these are grinding mountains and stuff

  and like diving into volcanoes like I

  don't want to do any of that or any

  outdoor hike or or any kind of camping

  or anything like camping I really prefer

  the not camping yeah I really prefer the

  the basic modern amenities of like

  bathrooms and walls climate control when

  necessary screens to block out things

  like mosquitoes all night or monkey um I

  like being able to have like a small

  snack in my bag without having to worry

  about bears you know stuff like that

  like I'm hiking or monkeys yeah I guess

  yeah like just everything about that

  about like the whole like you know

  camping scene that just is incredibly

  unappealing to me we have done it and it

  was far too many toenails - yeah that

  was not great they grew back it's fine

  yeah and and hiking as like a trip like

  I don't mind like a day hike where which

  is basically a fancy word for walking in

  the woods that's cool

  but like when you're like carrying days

  worth of stuff in a backpack and then

  camping at night and stuff that is

  really not at all for me we have a large

  supply of camping gear and hiking

  backpacks for sale if anyone is

  interested please contact Marco hmm yeah

  use it once yes please

  oh they were heavily used but for a

  short time that's true

  heavily used once heavily used for four

  days yeah

  God impression bags mm-hmm we got it all

  mm-hmm all sorts of stuff that I hope to

  never use again cuz we love gear mm-hmm

  we do like that the gear shopping and

  everything was much better than the

  actual use of subset gear our son plays

  in the tent in our playroom does yep yep

  yes five-year-olds and pillows and

  popcorn while watching movies inside


  hiking camping that whole the whole

  outdoor holding the whole outdoor

  adventure category nothing not at all

  for me at all for people who this is for

  more power to you I respect that but

  please never never bring me again so

  yeah I could I could get into some small

  versions of those so that's why I didn't

  put them on my list like I could do a

  little bit of camping here and there I

  think I think campfires are fun I like

  wood walking I feel proud of the trip

  that we did even though it was

  exhausting and tiring and I probably

  wouldn't do it again but I'm proud that

  we did do it yeah but that is that is a

  legit entry I'm surprised Disney didn't

  make your list because I had Disney on

  my consideration listen I got some would

  you like to put Disney in either your

  number two or number three slots I was

  rejected by the top four committee I I

  dispute the rejection still it doesn't

  matter I'm a committee of one I guess

  yeah third in number three I guess all

  right there we go I don't know if I'll

  see I don't know if I'd hated enough to

  put it at number one number one I'm just

  asking if you wanted to pop it in to

  number two or three since you had some

  openings I never wanna do that stuff