Roderick on the Line

Ep. 245: "An Ongoing Situation"

 

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Merlin oh you sound [TS]

  really good today [TS]

  do I mm-hmm you do anything different [TS]

  well I feel that you know using Markos [TS]

  criteria hmm today is gonna be a little [TS]

  bit of a rough background noise day okay [TS]

  because you know he doesn't like [TS]

  background noise and I've got so the the [TS]

  the Washington Washington State College [TS]

  the the Cougars people across the street [TS]

  who are rehabilitating Jamaica's house [TS]

  they have a lab one of those little mini [TS]

  cats out there today oh of course [TS]

  so they're mini Katan mm-hmm and then [TS]

  it's that season in Seattle when the [TS]

  when the Sun comes out and all the [TS]

  airplanes go into the sky at once [TS]

  because everybody here that wants to be [TS]

  in an airplane says this is my moment [TS]

  and rolls their airplane season its [TS]

  airplane season big time so from a [TS]

  background noise standpoint I mean just [TS]

  a few moments ago I was I was like how [TS]

  is this going to work because they were [TS]

  unloading the mini cat and some kind of [TS]

  like Paraguay and demonstration jet [TS]

  demonstration team was flying overhead [TS]

  and I was like this all those [TS]

  paraguayans they loved the [TS]

  demonstrations it really did they love [TS]

  the they want to put on a show it's part [TS]

  of the culture way yeah [TS]

  well apologies if I don't I thought [TS]

  assume worker listen to the show I think [TS]

  I think he did at one point but you know [TS]

  Marco I'm sorry it's it's it's hard I [TS]

  was on a show recently where one of the [TS]

  sides of the recording took place [TS]

  sometimes on a beach and they were able [TS]

  to record background ambient Beach noise [TS]

  and use some kind of black magic to [TS]

  remove that particular range from the [TS]

  recording oh it's crazy what you can do [TS]

  if you try i right now I'm it's not not [TS]

  go crazy here ya know but I mean a lot [TS]

  of the a lot of my just intrinsic [TS]

  background noise that just follows me [TS]

  everywhere is the sound of a beach [TS]

  no another I don't if I put these words [TS]

  but I just wanna say that whatever [TS]

  happens in the show is in the show this [TS]

  is all right part of the show right I [TS]

  think that's why people here I remember [TS]

  I feel like in our classic episode a [TS]

  supercar toid that we talked about you [TS]

  know there are things that we could do [TS]

  there there are hacks then we could [TS]

  deploy but we're not going to do that [TS]

  because that's something that's not part [TS]

  of the show hacks aren't the show know [TS]

  that cheb the show is not about hacks we [TS]

  could do a life hacks episode you know [TS]

  what we should do a show called hacks [TS]

  hacks oh wait a minute [TS]

  hmm I bet we'd went ahead phony for that [TS]

  oh is that like an ear wolf show is that [TS]

  one is comedy podcasts you know what I [TS]

  don't understand comedy at all I don't [TS]

  understand comedy podcasts I can't I [TS]

  can't tolerate him but what is a comedy [TS]

  podcast you know what I mean yeah I [TS]

  guess you you know what they did card [TS]

  podcasts or we have comedy people on and [TS]

  they do comedy and then the other [TS]

  friends who do comedy on and they do [TS]

  comedy together yeah comedy together [TS]

  counting together comedy together oh [TS]

  yeah I think are funny aren't are mostly [TS]

  people who are not formally funny for a [TS]

  living have you noticed that the other [TS]

  thing you parked on the driveway you [TS]

  drive on the Parkway every once in a [TS]

  while I'll meet a comedian who's [TS]

  actually funny funny person what's in a [TS]

  while yeah yeah but but it's not the [TS]

  regular thing but like yeah I got I got [TS]

  friends that like work in libraries that [TS]

  are way funnier than most convenience [TS]

  mm-hmm shit Merlin I've got friends that [TS]

  clean libraries that are funnier than [TS]

  most comedians [TS]

  basura yeah it's you know it sounds mean [TS]

  to say oh I know everything does yeah [TS]

  that's probably about every day not [TS]

  everything's fraught yeah but yeah yeah [TS]

  I don't know it's just you've been to [TS]

  comedy things we performed we performed [TS]

  a comedy things okay how many people are [TS]

  not funny in person some of them are I [TS]

  mean you take a Jonathan Coulton [TS]

  Jonathan Colin's a very funny guy but [TS]

  he's not a comedy person he's not [TS]

  technically a comedy person no [TS]

  not a comedy person there are a few [TS]

  there a few which I will busman's [TS]

  holiday do you think it's something were [TS]

  like no no no I know that they you know [TS]

  Brooke Joel McHale Joel McHale all the [TS]

  greats [TS]

  Joel McHale is a great guy easy money [TS]

  God Chris Chris Hardwick that's that's [TS]

  one of the nicest people you'll ever [TS]

  meet [TS]

  he's a funny guy he's funny and he's [TS]

  nice he's like a normal person [TS]

  oh nice and funny that's see maybe [TS]

  that's it then handsome very handsome he [TS]

  wear suits to fit I've always admired [TS]

  that about him he's small though right [TS]

  he's very small he's almost pocket-sized [TS]

  yeah he doesn't seem big when you look [TS]

  at him on television he's like one point [TS]

  to Dan Benjamins one point to Dan [TS]

  Benjamins well maybe maybe 1.09 mmm-hmm [TS]

  one point to Dan Benjamins is a is a [TS]

  measurement of heat right it's yeah yeah [TS]

  so you kill it you tell the bulk bag [TS]

  thermally you know uh I'm a horse today [TS]

  I'm a pony [TS]

  hmm I don't know why um I'm pretty [TS]

  frazzled I got a say I sent you a text [TS]

  at five o'clock on the plane last night [TS]

  you did I think sounds like your sleep [TS]

  got disrupted it said Merlin it's five [TS]

  a.m. [TS]

  normally I it's one of the longest [TS]

  tweets you've ever sent me I think [TS]

  normally I you know I'll send you a [TS]

  little text at two minutes before we're [TS]

  about to go on and say hey can we push [TS]

  this back a little bit I see that yeah [TS]

  but I had some foresight last night and [TS]

  said Merlin it's 5:00 in the morning I'm [TS]

  still not asleep can we push our show [TS]

  back a couple of hours you're [TS]

  practically a project manager and look [TS]

  at you you were just like fine I am [TS]

  flexible and ready to do whatever it [TS]

  takes [TS]

  oh here we are two hours later so did [TS]

  you finally get to sleep around 5:00 I [TS]

  did you know I was I was doing that [TS]

  thing that I do sometimes which is I [TS]

  push it right to the wall where I was so [TS]

  tired but I just wouldn't go to sleep [TS]

  it's not that I couldn't go to sleep I [TS]

  sip you wouldn't go to sleep [TS]

  and right there 4:30 5:00 in the morning [TS]

  I was like you bastard [TS]

  the light was starting to come up in the [TS]

  sky [TS]

  birds were tweeting and I was like you [TS]

  son-of-a-bitch [TS]

  go to goddamn sleep and then whatever [TS]

  that other thing is was like now and not [TS]

  big boy yeah and so I did whatever and [TS]

  something dumb I watched you know Stalag [TS]

  17 hmm 215 minute movie now I'm not [TS]

  going to bed and then finally I was just [TS]

  like oh my god I pad so I did I went to [TS]

  sleep at five and is it the dread of how [TS]

  you'll feel the next day [TS]

  what is the when you're finally able to [TS]

  shout down that four-year-old boy voice [TS]

  what it what is the thing that finally [TS]

  tips the scales you say I got you man [TS]

  this is crazy I think it is that I do [TS]

  have things to do in the day because in [TS]

  the old days when I didn't have [TS]

  something to do the next day I would [TS]

  just I would just go and go and go my [TS]

  mom would wake up because my you know my [TS]

  mom would wake up that's us back when we [TS]

  lived together my mom make up about five [TS]

  and I'd hear her puttering around and I [TS]

  would go downstairs always an unpleasant [TS]

  surprise for her because her 5:30 a.m. [TS]

  time is her time oh sure she gets a lot [TS]

  accomplished in the early morning she [TS]

  does it but you know that's her time to [TS]

  sit and read the newspaper and have her [TS]

  coffee and get her thing going and I [TS]

  would come bumbling down in my bathrobe [TS]

  like good morning and she'd be like oh [TS]

  so I would get a cup of coffee my you [TS]

  know 5:30 a.m. coffee and we would sit [TS]

  and read the newspaper together in [TS]

  silence which is one of the things we [TS]

  used to do that that gave us both an [TS]

  enormous amount of pleasure and it was [TS]

  just okay be silent we would just sit [TS]

  there and be quiet and read the [TS]

  newspaper and drink coffee and I said [TS]

  that's a nice relationship to have yeah [TS]

  she was just coming online and I was [TS]

  starting to go offline and right about [TS]

  the time that she would start to get [TS]

  chatty about the news says here that the [TS]

  Port Commission is going to eminent [TS]

  domain some warehouses I would I'd you [TS]

  know I'd field a couple of those with my [TS]

  badminton racket and then I would say [TS]

  I should probably get into sleep yeah [TS]

  and then I would you know tootle off and [TS]

  she would start her day so there were a [TS]

  few there well not a few there were [TS]

  quite a few eras where where I would I [TS]

  would I would push my sleep envelope all [TS]

  the way over to the other day oh you do [TS]

  like a wraparound I do a wraparound yeah [TS]

  geez yes it's really hard it's you know [TS]

  the wraparound I get real goofy yeah [TS]

  it's been it's been so it's been really [TS]

  since our daughter was a you know an [TS]

  infant probably excepting the occasional [TS]

  like you know health thing I just don't [TS]

  do that anymore [TS]

  I can't do that anymore yeah that's [TS]

  tough I don't recover it's so [TS]

  complicated when you live with other [TS]

  people because you have to find I mean [TS]

  even if you live in a big American place [TS]

  I mean you know but by international [TS]

  standards our you know our houses are [TS]

  pretty huge but even then you have to [TS]

  have a lot of culture and understanding [TS]

  about people's spaces I know that this [TS]

  seems really obvious but it's something [TS]

  I've been thinking about lately as my [TS]

  kid gets older it's like having an [TS]

  understanding about like you know what [TS]

  if you have to go to the bathroom and [TS]

  someone is in there like what if [TS]

  somebody is doing a thing over here like [TS]

  should you just kind of leave them alone [TS]

  if your wife says she's just gonna rest [TS]

  her eyes and you say why don't you just [TS]

  call it an average says I'm just gonna [TS]

  rest my eyes you know the kind of means [TS]

  you know don't be in the room know what [TS]

  I mean and I feel like this some of [TS]

  those things we talked about some of the [TS]

  things we don't talk about but like it's [TS]

  the ways that you give each other space [TS]

  in a house can be very complicated [TS]

  yeah and super important my goodness [TS]

  like I say I know it seems obvious but [TS]

  like in practice and and in evolution [TS]

  you know you think about things like to [TS]

  go on but things like okay like you [TS]

  change like you know where the TV is or [TS]

  you change like you know move stuff [TS]

  around in the dining room and like [TS]

  somebody's space gets disrupted and if [TS]

  you don't honor that that was somebody's [TS]

  space without acknowledging it you know [TS]

  it gets complicated uh this is starting [TS]

  to sound like a George Carlin routine [TS]

  you got your stops so we're talking [TS]

  about evolution is what you're saying [TS]

  yeah I think the way John John John [TS]

  siracusa says you know it's a lucian [TS]

  area biologist said Sadek yours no seer [TS]

  no seer no Z said said said Kusa Musa I [TS]

  am you know for years and years of [TS]

  course I've been I've been saying sort [TS]

  of out loud as an explanatory uh you [TS]

  know caveat about myself that I'm an [TS]

  that I'm an introvert yes just I've been [TS]

  saying that for a long time I'm starting [TS]

  stand chewing on that and I it's a very [TS]

  interesting thought technology I've been [TS]

  saying it I've been saying it forever [TS]

  because it it does accurately reflect [TS]

  you know the sort of classic description [TS]

  of an introvert as they as they are [TS]

  trying to interact with the rest of the [TS]

  world like nine out of ten of those line [TS]

  up exactly with how I feel so it felt [TS]

  very much like you know if if you [TS]

  answered yes to more than four of these [TS]

  15 questions then maybe you have a [TS]

  problem with uh with with the diuretics [TS]

  or whatever and I was like I just [TS]

  answered 15 out of 15 here so it it's [TS]

  very explanatory but what I've realized [TS]

  is that is not it is not completely [TS]

  explanatory obviously but also sharing [TS]

  space with other people where you want [TS]

  them there is is like so complex I think [TS]

  for everybody and and like I don't mind [TS]

  people being around me it turns out I [TS]

  don't mind people in my house and in my [TS]

  space but I but that it but there needs [TS]

  to be a very nice dance there's a very [TS]

  nice dance that happens uh-huh and the [TS]

  other people have to also be really in [TS]

  the dance and it turns out you know one [TS]

  of the problems with me one of the [TS]

  reasons that I've never been married is [TS]

  that I don't like people touching my [TS]

  feet in the night mm-hmm don't touch my [TS]

  feet even really clear about that though [TS]

  haven't yeah that's really hard it's [TS]

  hard though people like to touch feet [TS]

  the thing is I love if you touch my feet [TS]

  in the afternoon if I'm sitting on the [TS]

  couch and I'm reading a novel and you [TS]

  come sit at the other end of the couch [TS]

  and [TS]

  and touch my feet you can even grab and [TS]

  hold my feet do you put put my feet [TS]

  right in your lap this is in the [TS]

  afternoon though it's me afternoon in [TS]

  the early evening if you want to if you [TS]

  want to sit and pet my feet I will just [TS]

  purr I'll purr like a mountain lion a [TS]

  little pause just for error error error [TS]

  but I'm gonna say don't touch my feet in [TS]

  the morning and in the middle of the [TS]

  night when I am sleeping don't get [TS]

  around there and mess with them save it [TS]

  for the afternoon afternoon and evening [TS]

  that so that is a great time if you're [TS]

  feeling fede to come you know like have [TS]

  some feet time yeah the middle of the [TS]

  night keep your feet over there and I'll [TS]

  keep my feet over here he is very clear [TS]

  it seems very clear yeah but it also [TS]

  just seemed so normal to me like who [TS]

  what I'm sure there are people in fact I [TS]

  knew a girl that if you touched her feet [TS]

  she would scream not not a good way not [TS]

  in a good way [TS]

  there was she had some thing and I could [TS]

  never exactly figure out what she was [TS]

  talking about but she had a thing don't [TS]

  touch my feet thing and the first time I [TS]

  touched her feet it was in public it was [TS]

  in a room full of friends and I and the [TS]

  other people had known her for a lot [TS]

  longer than I had oh boy [TS]

  and I touched her feet [TS]

  put a hand on her feet and the room went [TS]

  gasp oh no you're the only one who [TS]

  didn't know I was the only one that [TS]

  didn't know and I looked around I was [TS]

  like what and a good friend of mine and [TS]

  actually Merlin he's a friend of ours as [TS]

  we say it's not just a friend of mine [TS]

  he's a friend of ours he said to her I [TS]

  can't believe what I'm seeing right now [TS]

  and she said through you know like you [TS]

  know short breaths she said it's okay he [TS]

  doesn't know and I was like what is [TS]

  going on and our friend yours and mine [TS]

  said I've never seen anyone touch her [TS]

  feet where she didn't scream like bloody [TS]

  murder scream and I took my head off her [TS]

  foot and I was like whoa what's why is [TS]

  it are you injured and it was then I had [TS]

  this whole conversation about like no [TS]

  that's her thing don't touch her feet [TS]

  and it was i I was affectionate gesture [TS]

  she and I were having an affection at [TS]

  times and it had just I had not gotten [TS]

  the bulletin and from that point on of [TS]

  course then you're like oh oh geez you [TS]

  know now I do know I've never actually [TS]

  never actually experienced in her case a [TS]

  foot the touched foot producing a screen [TS]

  because I then stayed away I sure you [TS]

  learn your lesson I didn't put hand on [TS]

  foot but it was that it was not her [TS]

  reaction it was the it was the crowd's [TS]

  reaction when I touched her foot because [TS]

  apparently they had all been completely [TS]

  traumatized in the past by like even [TS]

  accidentally touching her foot and just [TS]

  like and as a community of foot touching [TS]

  going on here that's it's a little bit [TS]

  outside my range of information all [TS]

  these people what is it about her feet [TS]

  that makes people want to touch them you [TS]

  know I think maybe it was just uh that [TS]

  they were all in college together and [TS]

  you know you're touching time sure you [TS]

  end up in a closet with each other at [TS]

  some point or another [TS]

  and you're like you know trying to try [TS]

  to get comfortable making making shoes [TS]

  into pillows trying to just never let [TS]

  the moment stop yes and and I think that [TS]

  they'd all just had you know or or [TS]

  they'd been in the room when someone [TS]

  else touched her feet and and never you [TS]

  know never wanted to revisit the moment [TS]

  and I was keen I was coming along a [TS]

  little bit later like this was these [TS]

  post-college times I was the nuke I was [TS]

  the new guy yeah [TS]

  boy oh boy but but I also felt a little [TS]

  bit special like I'm the one person that [TS]

  she didn't see yeah you know maybe it's [TS]

  just that you know she she found the one [TS]

  that could touch her feet uh I have I I [TS]

  just don't I found I found the one over [TS]

  and over and none of them could touch my [TS]

  feet in the night hmm [TS]

  and I think I don't know why I mean I [TS]

  don't want blankets on my feet at night [TS]

  I'll have blankets on my feet for [TS]

  different how my feet outer in depending [TS]

  on different positions that I'm in it's [TS]

  not anything I formerly you know like [TS]

  worked out in my mind but like yeah yeah [TS]

  in this position I want my left foot to [TS]

  be out of the covers I do I do that [TS]

  quite a bit left left foot out sometimes [TS]

  like the other present when I'm sleeping [TS]

  in like pokes near the pencil on the [TS]

  foot and I really bugs me that's a [TS]

  firing offense see that yeah you should [TS]

  you should make that your thing mmm we [TS]

  picky about how much you make your thing [TS]

  that's the other part of being in a [TS]

  house with people is that you know you [TS]

  have to be circumspect about I mean easy [TS]

  way to put it is you have to pick your [TS]

  fights right you can't be a pill about [TS]

  everything like you know I've said [TS]

  before I have certain lines in the sand [TS]

  like never move my keys oh like ideally [TS]

  never move my wallet but like that stuff [TS]

  stays here and that's how I keep from [TS]

  going crazy keys and wallet go in the [TS]

  keys and wallet place yeah I only got [TS]

  two keys but still I get real panicky if [TS]

  I if I can't find him you know cuz I [TS]

  can't open doors and stuff sure I think [TS]

  you gotta be everybody's got their [TS]

  hang-ups and their hangups is too strong [TS]

  a way to put it but everybody's got a [TS]

  certain way that they are and I think [TS]

  it's I think it's nice [TS]

  to be sensitive to that fact and to not [TS]

  make people feel weird or shameful about [TS]

  like wanting things a certain way unless [TS]

  it really really butts up in a you know [TS]

  irreconcilable way with how you like to [TS]

  do things I am well this is the thing [TS]

  about the touching of the feet right [TS]

  it's not a thing that comes up very [TS]

  often yeah and if you want that to be [TS]

  your thing [TS]

  by all means I'm not gonna lie I'm not [TS]

  gonna and no one should right get try [TS]

  and get up inside your command post and [TS]

  say what's going on here exactly doesn't [TS]

  matter doesn't matter just that that's [TS]

  the job to reprogram people people right [TS]

  products if they've got 40 things like [TS]

  that though it starts to become [TS]

  difficult to accommodate it's like an [TS]

  old person's medicine or like it's it's [TS]

  complicated when you got a heart problem [TS]

  because you got to take medicine but [TS]

  then let's say you get like thin blood [TS]

  and you got to take a blood thinner with [TS]

  that like there's all kinds of weird [TS]

  pharmaceutical synergies and things you [TS]

  want to avoid yeah you know and that can [TS]

  be a real juggling act now if you're a [TS]

  person with what you say 40 60 you got [TS]

  dozens of these kinds of things then [TS]

  your life becomes complicated that's a [TS]

  word that's a word that I keep using but [TS]

  it's it work you know you know what one [TS]

  of my things is I'm saying you're trying [TS]

  to think of my things yeah lock the bolt [TS]

  but don't lock the doorknob okay because [TS]

  that way that way they know the bolt is [TS]

  thrown the the people there are people [TS]

  if they try if they try the the typical [TS]

  door checking pseudo robber is going to [TS]

  jiggle the the door handle and if the [TS]

  they are going to assume if the door [TS]

  handle is locked that the bolt is [TS]

  probably not I have not even thought [TS]

  about it that far sorry no no it's at [TS]

  there's no there's no scheme to it [TS]

  there's no rhyme or reason to it I hate [TS]

  when people lock the little the little [TS]

  flipper on the doorknob yeah it just [TS]

  feels it's just an insult to me uh-huh I [TS]

  was like it's like like just closing the [TS]

  door and putting scotch tape on them see [TS]

  yeah right right right exactly but there [TS]

  are people that do it reflexively [TS]

  because they're used to as they leave [TS]

  their a doorknob Locker so they lock the [TS]

  door knob and [TS]

  do the bolt mm-hmm but when I come to my [TS]

  own home and there's been somebody [TS]

  visiting let's say somebody stopping by [TS]

  somebody that's key to my place and I [TS]

  put a hand on my doorknob and my [TS]

  doorknob is locked oh boy oh man you're [TS]

  gonna seem like an abundance of caution [TS]

  probably they want to make sure all the [TS]

  locks are locked it's just a reflex it's [TS]

  the same thing with the toilet seats [TS]

  people you know reflexively do things [TS]

  right that's they they just have a thing [TS]

  that they just that's how they are [TS]

  comfortable and they like I don't [TS]

  believe anybody ever walks out of the [TS]

  house and locks a doorknob um thinking [TS]

  about it very much you know like I see [TS]

  it's just a it's just a fear a doorknob [TS]

  Locker and there I'm sure they're the [TS]

  majority people are but uh but I'm not [TS]

  and the reason is if you're a doorknob [TS]

  Locker and the door swings shut then [TS]

  you're locked out of the house huh [TS]

  awesome yeah that's very good points [TS]

  like a hotel room yeah right it's it so [TS]

  did you have your keys on you I don't [TS]

  know I was just going out in the garden [TS]

  to water the peonies and now I'm locked [TS]

  out of the house because somebody came [TS]

  along and is a doorknob Locker and [TS]

  that's not how we do here mm-hmm so I'll [TS]

  you know that's like here to pull up a [TS]

  chair I'm gonna explain this a couple of [TS]

  times so that you don't do it you only [TS]

  the system's I put in place to avoid [TS]

  things like this because like I I [TS]

  frequently I've said this Pierre before [TS]

  I've said this in many other places that [TS]

  I have certain things in life that are a [TS]

  bulwark against madness that there are [TS]

  certain kinds of things that when they [TS]

  happen are so stupid and avoidable that [TS]

  I'm extra double triple careful to keep [TS]

  those kinds of things from happening [TS]

  like you know in this case like you know [TS]

  we've got a okay we've got a clock radio [TS]

  that I like fine I never used the alarm [TS]

  on the clock radio I look at the clock [TS]

  and I listen to KQED that's all I do [TS]

  uh-huh now say one thing about little [TS]

  side note quick side note whenever I [TS]

  turn on a radio I turn on hit the snooze [TS]

  button so it'll turn off automatically [TS]

  in that guidance Brady doesn't stay [TS]

  honest always act like you're not going [TS]

  to be around never set anything down in [TS]

  a bathroom that you wouldn't want to be [TS]

  there overnight right this way when you [TS]

  go to a public restroom you see what I'm [TS]

  saying it's all [TS]

  logic real analytical so so well I like [TS]

  my dream machine I like it fine never [TS]

  use it for an alarm but it has these [TS]

  little flimsy dials on top got two [TS]

  different arms with two different [TS]

  options sure I think it's a dream [TS]

  message if literally a dream machine and [TS]

  so I'm always I'm always batting at it [TS]

  to either hit the snooze to turn on hit [TS]

  the off to turn it off and I'll [TS]

  accidentally hit a knob you see where [TS]

  I'm going with this oh you hit a knob [TS]

  gaffers tape a gaffers tape the dials [TS]

  down so that they cannot move there you [TS]

  go [TS]

  that's just like a distortion box you [TS]

  don't have to hear your phone's not [TS]

  swinging around I'm get it you got put [TS]

  systems in place yeah but you know this [TS]

  leads to this hole this is a minefield [TS]

  it's a minefield of rat holes but like [TS]

  you know it gets into stuff I've talked [TS]

  about a lot of other shows but like the [TS]

  whole thing with kids and like I just I [TS]

  know that like when you take your shoes [TS]

  off keep them together keep the shoes [TS]

  together [TS]

  don't take a shoe walk for a while and [TS]

  then take it off on another floor of the [TS]

  house sure you're never gonna you're [TS]

  always gonna be one shoe behind for the [TS]

  rest of your life once you behind one [TS]

  that is no way to live she's never leave [TS]

  a shoe behind that's at the Marine Corps [TS]

  Semper Fi [TS]

  yeah you want you want them they want to [TS]

  be together you want them to be together [TS]

  you're gonna be so much happier [TS]

  healthier and Welsh Aden mmm shot shot [TS]

  right foods in happen I realize that in [TS]

  the system systems that could be systems [TS]

  were you just talking say don't touch [TS]

  John's feet unless it's the afternoon or [TS]

  early evening it's a very simple bit of [TS]

  logic to come here's what here's is what [TS]

  it is when you come home from work you [TS]

  can immediately start touching my feet [TS]

  all the way until we go to bed [TS]

  let's just call it that that's the third [TS]

  of the day that's that's that's that's [TS]

  plenty of opportunity if a foot touching [TS]

  event is going to make your day [TS]

  hakuna matata do it John will welcome it [TS]

  but when John I know that many things [TS]

  you don't think so I think that haven't [TS]

  lived with enough people to realize how [TS]

  many you have from may be true it may be [TS]

  true I like the dishwasher loaded a [TS]

  certain way yes when I'm on a trash [TS]

  taking out the trash no taking out the [TS]

  trash I'm very you don't mind if [TS]

  somebody doesn't break down boxes I'm [TS]

  system agnostic there if you want to [TS]

  throw a bunch of boxes in the recycling [TS]

  that somebody down the chain is going to [TS]

  be mad about that [TS]

  I'm only gonna get any notes from me [TS]

  somebody's gonna leave a note interstate [TS]

  but there's me cubic inches of empty [TS]

  space beans now in our limited amount [TS]

  think about Davis sorry for the box [TS]

  don't put his diaphragm in there it says [TS]

  right on the see the lid it says right [TS]

  there don't put styrofoam in there cuz [TS]

  you know what happens they come there 5 [TS]

  a.m. [TS]

  bang bang bang they come to show I know [TS]

  what they do they don't pick it up and [TS]

  they leave you a note and they say you [TS]

  know what like it says in the lid [TS]

  don't put styrofoam in here guess what [TS]

  we got a week now we're starting ok [TS]

  starting with a full recycling container [TS]

  just a simple so simple don't put things [TS]

  into recycling they're not recycling [TS]

  well see I don't share a recycling [TS]

  container with anybody so everything [TS]

  that goes in there is from my own house [TS]

  and I feel like I feel like I'm I'm you [TS]

  know like the whole garbage system I [TS]

  it just happens as it happens right [TS]

  let's just let it ride let it ride I [TS]

  mean you know obviously there are some [TS]

  things like don't oh don't leave an open [TS]

  jar of jam on the counter because you're [TS]

  gonna attract ants that's like it that [TS]

  that's a mess that's why when ants [TS]

  that's how you guys just that's just an [TS]

  everybody thing right because that is [TS]

  how you get ants you know don't come [TS]

  around and start adjusting how dark my [TS]

  toaster makes your toast ha ha without [TS]

  sure adjusting it back when you're done [TS]

  right like I don't want to come in in [TS]

  the morning and throw some toast in [TS]

  there and like your Bernie toast person [TS]

  yeah Bernie bro but uh those don't exist [TS]

  don't exist but really you know put it [TS]

  in the middle put it like leave the [TS]

  toaster brownness in the middle unless [TS]

  you have your unfilled out and switch it [TS]

  back you know that's right I do want if [TS]

  you if you wash if do low to wash and it [TS]

  has dress shirts in it or collared [TS]

  shirts let's call them I don't put those [TS]

  in the dryer I hang them up okay let's [TS]

  hear drip dry your big guy you got long [TS]

  arms you don't want this drink it up on [TS]

  you don't want to drink yarn how about [TS]

  us somebody somebody unloads the [TS]

  dishwasher puts away the glasses and [TS]

  mugs bottoms up for bottoms down you got [TS]

  a thought I got bottoms up I do always [TS]

  really yeah bottoms up now what about [TS]

  what about copy founder okay wait a [TS]

  minute I I do open part at the top [TS]

  bottom down no I do open part at the [TS]

  bottom like a bar like they're dripping [TS]

  dry on a bar [TS]

  that's right don't you worry and err do [TS]

  you worry about dander on the contact [TS]

  paper no no I mean do you worry about [TS]

  silverfish getting in and making a nest [TS]

  inside your coffee cup have we talked [TS]

  about this no do a silverfish get in [TS]

  your coffee cup no it feels familiar [TS]

  getting deja vu the less you got spiders [TS]

  right for you this makes a lot more [TS]

  sense well but in the northwest we don't [TS]

  have cup spiders oh you don't have cups [TS]

  no that's from that's a different part [TS]

  of the country no I was British indie [TS]

  pop bands from the mid-2000s up spiders [TS]

  got tough spiders you know what I think [TS]

  it is [TS]

  I learned primarily when I was growing [TS]

  up at home my mom had so many systems [TS]

  everything had a fucking she likes [TS]

  things a certain way oh my god and if [TS]

  you did things if you did put the dishes [TS]

  away she would come in and redo it and [TS]

  so what if I kind of get that well sure [TS]

  but I learned at a young age don't [TS]

  bother doing anything and that was not [TS]

  the message she was trying to send oh I [TS]

  see she was trying to teach me like how [TS]

  to do things her way all the way right [TS]

  but what it meant was if I did if I put [TS]

  something and the thing is I had what [TS]

  she got from me when I was a kid was [TS]

  little bins little um what would have [TS]

  been little plastic buckets that you [TS]

  would wash dishes in or something you [TS]

  remember those little lucky sort of sink [TS]

  yeah like a square six inch to a inch [TS]

  deep pan you fill with water right yeah [TS]

  she got me let's say eight of those all [TS]

  in orange rubberized plastic her orange [TS]

  was my favorite color and they fit on [TS]

  bookshelves in my room I see where this [TS]

  is going and she was like here's how you [TS]

  organize your toys and she put all the [TS]

  Legos in one she put all the hot wheels [TS]

  and once you put all the GI Joes in one [TS]

  put all the tinker toys in one you know [TS]

  like this [TS]

  and so I would start playing and I was I [TS]

  was a mix and I was a mixed toys kid you [TS]

  know I would build a Lego fort and then [TS]

  I would the hot wheel cars would be [TS]

  interacting with it the whole day that's [TS]

  a terrific style of play you know they [TS]

  drive up to the Lego fort and then there [TS]

  would be some there would be a tinker [TS]

  toy bridge over to a GI Joe you know [TS]

  this is that this this this and so forth [TS]

  and so she would come in and say clean [TS]

  up your room and I would put these toys [TS]

  together into a bin because they were [TS]

  related at this point I was in the midst [TS]

  of a story and they were all going in [TS]

  the bin because these Legos and these GI [TS]

  Joes right now were related to one [TS]

  another and she would come in and it [TS]

  would drive her bananas because this bin [TS]

  is labeled Legos oh sure I wanted GI [TS]

  Joes in it and so she would she would [TS]

  split it all up she would redo it she [TS]

  would break everything back down to [TS]

  first principles and I was like but I [TS]

  was in the middle of an unfinished story [TS]

  that I was going to come back to and [TS]

  maybe for two months the GI Joes would [TS]

  be in the Lego pin but it's you know [TS]

  like I do have a system but it and so [TS]

  eventually I was just like you know what [TS]

  it putting them away is the same as just [TS]

  leaving them out for you to put away [TS]

  because it's not like it's double work [TS]

  like I do the work and then you redo it [TS]

  so why not why don't I just pretend that [TS]

  I that I didn't hear you and I and that [TS]

  really set me in life that wasn't set me [TS]

  on a course for the rest of my life [TS]

  right Lord I just pretend that I didn't [TS]

  hear you and then you can do however you [TS]

  want yeah I mean that probably kind of [TS]

  works you know but but so I didn't [TS]

  really ever put away dishes at home it [TS]

  wasn't my job was to mow the lawn and to [TS]

  vacuum the house but like dishwasher [TS]

  stuff it was just like forget it right [TS]

  there were so many systems around [TS]

  the dishwasher that I just never even [TS]

  looked at it so I learned to put away [TS]

  dishes when I started working in bars [TS]

  uh-huh it's exactly what had happened [TS]

  that the first time I really was like [TS]

  the dishwasher which is why I started at [TS]

  every bar job I ever had like you're [TS]

  hired [TS]

  it's your apron there's the dishwasher [TS]

  figure out how it works it's called a [TS]

  Santa Corps or whatever the weather [TS]

  center Santa klore oh yeah big thing way [TS]

  it was like a little house for your [TS]

  dishes yeah you put the dishes in you [TS]

  shut the metal door and boss this [TS]

  terrific but you have to load up the [TS]

  rack and then you have to go put the [TS]

  dishes away so that's where I really [TS]

  learn to put it and I still I put dishes [TS]

  away like I'm working in a bar that make [TS]

  sense I never will what about storing [TS]

  socks oh you just don't know you've done [TS]

  you've done a load of laundry you've got [TS]

  a bunch of socks I'm letting to tell you [TS]

  what I think the options are I bet I [TS]

  could think of at least three options [TS]

  you tell me when you're putting your [TS]

  socks away after they have been [TS]

  laundered do you put them away a certain [TS]

  way and is it important that they be [TS]

  that way well yes [TS]

  socks are I mean the way you do it is [TS]

  you take you find the matching pair you [TS]

  line them up heels together okay right [TS]

  you know like no side side you're not [TS]

  just throwing two socks at each other [TS]

  it's nothing [TS]

  but I'm not somebody that walks around [TS]

  with a pocketful of bills or a wallet [TS]

  full of bills where they're not faced [TS]

  you got to face your fucking bills oh my [TS]

  goodness I when I see people that don't [TS]

  do that I have a two compartment as you [TS]

  know I have a taxi driver wallet with [TS]

  two compartments [TS]

  I keep 20s and one and everything of [TS]

  smaller denomination and the other they [TS]

  are in order by denomination and they're [TS]

  all faced in the going to go in the same [TS]

  direction on every axis anything less [TS]

  than that is to live a life of total [TS]

  chaos I mean but you know what for two [TS]

  hours in Vegas that's okay if you had a [TS]

  theme park you can live with it maybe [TS]

  you don't get oh I'm just doing it you [TS]

  get it but like it's not unusual if [TS]

  you're doing some shopping you're going [TS]

  somewhere you get a pocket full of [TS]

  receipts you get a pocket full of ones [TS]

  and fives usually you may not may not in [TS]

  know you say always stop what you're [TS]

  doing get it right the first time yes if [TS]

  some if I'm in if I am part of a heist [TS]

  and someone hands me an armful of bills [TS]

  like a bushel of them at the very first [TS]

  moment I will stop and face them if you [TS]

  found a gym bag in a tree you take it [TS]

  down [TS]

  number one get him in order well I'd get [TS]

  I'd get out of there [TS]

  I take it out of the hasty retreat being [TS]

  hasty retreat and then when I could look [TS]

  around and there was and I was safe when [TS]

  I was when I'd found a dark alley it was [TS]

  safe I thought from you know I'm not [TS]

  never safe from the Batman but safe I [TS]

  would sit and start facing those bills [TS]

  and you know if I have hundreds and [TS]

  fifties those goes on the twenty side [TS]

  tens fives and ones or it's the last [TS]

  time you had a fifty [TS]

  I carry fifty do they still have those [TS]

  yeah sure you get fifties in my line of [TS]

  work you deal with a lot of cash uh but [TS]

  so yes I mean right your wallet has got [TS]

  you got to be really on top of your [TS]

  wallet or your life will go off the word [TS]

  off the rails and I see people all the [TS]

  time they're just like uh how much is it [TS]

  and they're just it's just like a a wad [TS]

  of cash but not a wad like like a like a [TS]

  money clip and you just in passing this [TS]

  is another bulwark against madness this [TS]

  to me would be like keeping salad forks [TS]

  in the garage and dinner Forks in the [TS]

  Attic except for when you just felt like [TS]

  putting it somewhere else no way to live [TS]

  I walked into an argument in the [TS]

  marriage of Jonathan Coulton and his [TS]

  wife Christine Connor one time well in [TS]

  this happens sometimes when you're close [TS]

  friends with people year you step into a [TS]

  to a marriage argument an ongoing [TS]

  situation an ongoing situation and it [TS]

  was a question I think a lot of married [TS]

  couples deal with this do you put the [TS]

  silverware in do you put the forks in [TS]

  the dishwasher tines up or tines damn [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  and there were two very strong feelings [TS]

  about it and I think also it was tines [TS]

  up or tines down and do you organize the [TS]

  silverware by type in the dishwasher [TS]

  buckets or do they just all go in and [TS]

  there was definitely strong feelings [TS]

  about all the forks should go together [TS]

  in one thing that way when it's time to [TS]

  unload the dishwasher you just grab them [TS]

  all and they're together can I guess [TS]

  which is which you know what I don't [TS]

  want to get any more in there mayor [TS]

  it's not going it's an ongoing situation [TS]

  but there was a lot you know I had to [TS]

  come back when I the first time I looked [TS]

  at my own dishwasher after that I stood [TS]

  and stared was like would it but it you [TS]

  know these are things I've never had [TS]

  because I'm not married I've never had [TS]

  to argue let's say on the internet you [TS]

  can't unsee it like once you're aware of [TS]

  that of that special wisdom you feel [TS]

  someone you know lacking you know like [TS]

  now for me a lot of this no there's [TS]

  another one it's like we've got one of [TS]

  those are our cutlery holder in the [TS]

  drawer has four uh receptacles for your [TS]

  classic hand utensils knives forks [TS]

  spoons and of exactly so I struggle with [TS]

  that because sometimes I think the tea [TS]

  spoon should be seperti spoons should be [TS]

  separate it means different things the - [TS]

  I I sometimes think about splitting up [TS]

  spoons I sometimes think about splitting [TS]

  up Forks [TS]

  you're talking about but teaspoons or [TS]

  tablespoons yeah but then also I [TS]

  sometimes think about breaking up the [TS]

  knives you get a steak knife over here [TS]

  but I've still not that what I do not [TS]

  have a strong opinion on my main thing [TS]

  is usability like I think I think now if [TS]

  you ask somebody else in my house they [TS]

  have a million ways that I'm really [TS]

  screwy but one of mine is I always want [TS]

  the colander to be right here I always [TS]

  want the two cup measuring cup to be [TS]

  there these are things that I use almost [TS]

  every day because you know there was a [TS]

  kid year do a lot of colander work as [TS]

  you probably know yeah four colander [TS]

  colander work is one of the most [TS]

  important facets of having a [TS]

  single-digit child Colin yeah yeah we [TS]

  don't do we don't put it in nesting [TS]

  matroska bowls like don't do that [TS]

  don't put it you know what I'm talking [TS]

  about like there are people who think [TS]

  that storing things should be always [TS]

  like a nested situation where all these [TS]

  are bowls of concentric sizes let's [TS]

  stack them inside of each other what if [TS]

  I want to get the bowl that's sucking [TS]

  from the bottom like what was one of my [TS]

  top tier you know maintenance players [TS]

  yeah I get you I get you the colander in [TS]

  there I need the colander I do a lot of [TS]

  colander work especially in the [TS]

  afternoons when you're getting your feet [TS]

  touched are you [TS]

  have you considered getting a colander [TS]

  just for the child and bespoke daughter [TS]

  colander a daughter colander for her [TS]

  colander needs [TS]

  Oh what isn't the kitchen founder it's [TS]

  the daughter Colin we have a little [TS]

  screen e1 that we use for orzo because [TS]

  the orzo would slip through the regular [TS]

  colander right I had not thought about [TS]

  this we need to really pare down there's [TS]

  a lot of stacking going on right now and [TS]

  it's like I don't need more colander you [TS]

  know I just got a new pan that I really [TS]

  like but listen to the pan hot stuff [TS]

  only English people can fuck you sock so [TS]

  you're taking your socks out of the [TS]

  dryer you you find the hair the one [TS]

  thing I want to mention just a point of [TS]

  information for our listeners it's my [TS]

  belief it's my belief on information [TS]

  that you are a sock man you have many [TS]

  kinds of socks I'm a gold-tone man all I [TS]

  got is white gold toe socks and when the [TS]

  ones when some of them get grody I throw [TS]

  those out and they're all mixed up I [TS]

  won't say anything more about myself but [TS]

  I think if for our listeners purposes [TS]

  they should know and you tell me you got [TS]

  a lot of socks you and I talked about [TS]

  gold toes many years ago when we first [TS]

  met 15 years ago we were talking about [TS]

  gold toes because I was wearing at the [TS]

  time some navy blue gold tone they get [TS]

  to you with gold toes at one point you [TS]

  did you hidden my mom is also kind of [TS]

  like you one of these sock utilitarians [TS]

  trying to solve the problem of socks by [TS]

  getting a kind of sock yes and she's [TS]

  done that to me several times over the [TS]

  course of the years like here are the [TS]

  socks they're the only socks will ever [TS]

  need again and I'm like well I don't [TS]

  know about that mom I I did not [TS]

  experience because thing is if a sock [TS]

  goes missing [TS]

  I don't experience that as a major that [TS]

  doesn't Buttle me sock meant missing [TS]

  it'll turn up is when I say I actually [TS]

  have like losing Tupperware it's kind of [TS]

  you don't want to do it but it's not the [TS]

  end of your week right I mean that you [TS]

  can always get more that's right you can [TS]

  always get more you can always get more [TS]

  socks but for me socks are I dive [TS]

  they're fun I like socks I like [TS]

  different you know what and the socks [TS]

  are an easy thing to buy [TS]

  as a as a momento here I in London today [TS]

  I don't want to get a little [TS]

  double-decker bus [TS]

  set of salt shakers I don't want to get [TS]

  a thing that says I was in London today [TS]

  but look at that a little pair of socks [TS]

  I'll buy some socks and then from then [TS]

  on you think oh those are the socks that [TS]

  I bought that day in London you're [TS]

  you're creating memories just little [TS]

  things like that like I got you I got [TS]

  you some socks i everybody always wants [TS]

  socks and i and and and every every pair [TS]

  of socks that I pull out of the of the [TS]

  sock drawer I can remember where they [TS]

  came from [TS]

  of course you can right these are the [TS]

  sock from Amazon these are the socks [TS]

  from that time I went to the Natural [TS]

  History Museum and I decided that what I [TS]

  needed was socks oh you know and they're [TS]

  cheap and it's just a little thing and [TS]

  then you given every day you walk around [TS]

  it's like oh these socks have owls on [TS]

  them I got them at the at the place not [TS]

  to get them at the owl Natural History [TS]

  Museum mm-hmm but socks have to be [TS]

  paired and then the tops folded down so [TS]

  that they are held together you guys all [TS]

  seems to be clear though you're not [TS]

  making a ball you're making a small but [TS]

  sturdy cuff cuff that's right now how [TS]

  many I mean just you take an average [TS]

  size sock like a men's dress sock how [TS]

  long is your cuff oh I would say never [TS]

  more than a third of the sock mm-hmm [TS]

  somewhere between a quarter and a third [TS]

  of the length of the sock see cuz I come [TS]

  from ballers well and I know and balls [TS]

  are a great idea and I stretchy [TS]

  stretches around seen it work but it [TS]

  does feel stretchy and it feels like [TS]

  then it's a puzzle you have to unwrap [TS]

  every time you we get the size my family [TS]

  always rolled in bald yeah nope we are [TS]

  you know I think I got it from obviously [TS]

  it's a family thing yep but I got mine [TS]

  at like make a cuff fold them over and [TS]

  then you look in the you look in and the [TS]

  thing about them when they're when [TS]

  they're cuffed is that you can see if [TS]

  you can pull a pair out and see if [TS]

  there's any toe or heel wear without [TS]

  having to make a decision right then [TS]

  whether or not you're gonna throw them [TS]

  away looks like having a glass lid on [TS]

  your pie get right in you look right in [TS]

  you don't need to lift anything yeah [TS]

  you look right see this is it bulwarks [TS]

  bulwarks against madness I prove this no [TS]

  when you put them in are they hop hazard [TS]

  are they are they stack neatly are you [TS]

  canö lling would you put them in there [TS]

  do you can all mmm that's a very good [TS]

  question there are so many different [TS]

  ways that I could organize my socks I [TS]

  could organize them by color I could [TS]

  organize them by size this is why you [TS]

  need a grant with a penis ID so I do not [TS]

  approve of ankle socks yeah I just don't [TS]

  I don't I don't know why I have such a [TS]

  strong feeling about ankle socks but I [TS]

  just don't approve of them I don't want [TS]

  them in my house I don't want them in my [TS]

  garden if you're wearing short pants to [TS]

  Stan Smith's [TS]

  what kind of sock are you gonna deploy [TS]

  no sock no suck you don't even do like a [TS]

  little grabby inside the shoe sock it [TS]

  don't want those are you feel don't [TS]

  don't approve of them if you're wearing [TS]

  us if you want the no sock look where no [TS]

  socks okay and you also but you also [TS]

  probably rotate your shoes often enough [TS]

  that that doesn't become a problem right [TS]

  I don't want to hurt it okay no no you [TS]

  wear them one time and then you switch [TS]

  them out so like in the summer for [TS]

  instance I have summer shoes like we all [TS]

  do but I have enough of a selection of [TS]

  summer shoes that you know if one of [TS]

  them goes in the lake they can sit on [TS]

  the porch and they're not gonna you know [TS]

  my my progress isn't gonna be impeded [TS]

  okay um yeah like no socks was the thing [TS]

  that I that I did as a kid and I did it [TS]

  into adulthood and I still do it [TS]

  and ankle socks just seem like a like a [TS]

  cheat like an unfair it's unfair it's [TS]

  like a diaper like a foot diaper [TS]

  you know matter like a finger caught for [TS]

  your foot yeah don't wear colored socks [TS]

  with short pants is definitely a thing [TS]

  but I will wear a white athletic sock [TS]

  mm-hmm I think I was wearing a white [TS]

  athletic sock one time at the Chateau [TS]

  Marmont when Jesse thorn crashed our [TS]

  party and he gave me some hell about it [TS]

  but I was wearing a white sock because I [TS]

  was wearing a suit and I say yeah I said [TS]

  show me your socks fancy guy and he [TS]

  lifted up his pants and there were all [TS]

  kinds of there's a bunch of hoes in [TS]

  there or something you know like it was [TS]

  just suits suit stockings and I said [TS]

  Jesse and this was this was the [TS]

  beginning of this whole like can you [TS]

  climb a fence in that outfit yeah right [TS]

  because I climb a fence in this outfit [TS]

  mm-hmm oh you just mind your mind your [TS]

  own penis is Jesse thorn that's right [TS]

  here I'll close yeah um right the [TS]

  Rottweilers gonna tear you tear you [TS]

  apart my friend you strike me as [TS]

  somebody who has a large uh well large [TS]

  it's reasonably sized but you have a big [TS]

  wardrobe I don't think of you as much of [TS]

  a graphic tee t-shirt where let me ask [TS]

  you this just in general answer however [TS]

  you want how many t-shirts of whatever [TS]

  variety do you have in regular rotation [TS]

  oh dear [TS]

  dee are you do you wear first of all [TS]

  let's get to be obvious do you wear a [TS]

  white do you wear a t-shirt underneath [TS]

  what what you called a long-sleeve shirt [TS]

  or dress shirt [TS]

  only when I anticipate the prospect of [TS]

  perspiration being an issue in whether [TS]

  or not I look gross or not okay so you [TS]

  don't I I wear a t-shirt under almost [TS]

  everything it might be advanced or it [TS]

  might be a podcast shirt it might be a [TS]

  Mack Walden fancy white shirt but I I [TS]

  always play a t-shirt as my bottom layer [TS]

  always and I'm just not the case for me [TS]

  okay I don't just put a button-down [TS]

  shirt on right over my natural self not [TS]

  anybody fun no socks no undershirt no [TS]

  socks no undershirt but if I'm going you [TS]

  know if I'm wearing a tie I'm going to [TS]

  be wearing a jacket and I have a shirt [TS]

  on and it's going to be a situation [TS]

  where I might like though my lower back [TS]

  might get damp or suck you know if I [TS]

  take the jacket off you'll be able to [TS]

  see that I am that I have perspired I [TS]

  will wear a t-shirt as a bulwark as you [TS]

  said [TS]

  I am okay I have a lot of sediment the [TS]

  reason I started buying socks as [TS]

  souvenirs is that I went through as we [TS]

  all do in rock-and-roll many many years [TS]

  of t-shirts as souvenirs and a thousand [TS]

  t-shirts from the band fiver and a [TS]

  creeper Lagoon and you know the [TS]

  Tennessee Valley Authority or whatever [TS]

  up you know just t-shirts everywhere [TS]

  that are very sentimental over time [TS]

  because it's like we did a tour with [TS]

  fiber in 2001 and I'm never going to [TS]

  throw that t-shirt away yeah I still [TS]

  wear the fiber t-shirt all the time that [TS]

  was a purchase of all the purges that we [TS]

  have done done the one that was easily [TS]

  the most difficult was getting rid of [TS]

  the t-shirts because I got t-shirts from [TS]

  the mid-80s I mean like but like my my [TS]

  favorite was this dump truck concert [TS]

  t-shirt from like maybe 1989 and it was [TS]

  so disgusting [TS]

  just even knowing that it was in the [TS]

  closet upset my wife we're talking pit [TS]

  stains buddy I can put a pit stain on [TS]

  something I think I'm very accurate I [TS]

  know I seem probably very base but but I [TS]

  disagree I do something where it gets [TS]

  orange and hard and a little bit a [TS]

  little permanently moist like a wax [TS]

  buildup and so and it had holes in it [TS]

  but it was a dumptruck shirt it was from [TS]

  the big time bad time to her big time [TS]

  records remember them well sure there [TS]

  are they were hard on some artists but [TS]

  your bad time big data to her yeah that [TS]

  that was hard replacement shirts three [TS]

  replacement shirts like there's all [TS]

  these things but I was like you know [TS]

  what this of all the purge that I do [TS]

  this is the most significant because [TS]

  this is this is where I moved up past [TS]

  the point of pain like I'm really [TS]

  genuinely going to miss my archers of [TS]

  love shirt and I do I still it's been 10 [TS]

  years probably I mean we did this one [TS]

  big purge a couple years before our [TS]

  daughter was born huge purge and the two [TS]

  difficult things we're getting rid of [TS]

  the t-shirts and then I think I told you [TS]

  this one this breaks my heart still we [TS]

  had idiotically put a bunch of our bags [TS]

  to store into a contractor bag and we [TS]

  accidentally threw it away [TS]

  oh yeah no we're talking like vintage [TS]

  Timbuktu bags from the 90s like [TS]

  probably 15 Timbuktu bags you know and [TS]

  you know me in bags right yep you look [TS]

  better you realize that we scurried a [TS]

  little bit to look around like now now [TS]

  now it's gone let it go leave it leave [TS]

  it leave it but the shuttle is the [TS]

  shirts now are we hope you know what Ben [TS]

  Gibbard did no he he solved this problem [TS]

  he took all of his old band t-shirts [TS]

  from a thousand bands and he gave them [TS]

  all to his mom [TS]

  did she make a quilt she maybe quote I [TS]

  thought I should have done that I said [TS]

  she made it she made a rock band quilt [TS]

  and she made a sheep because she she [TS]

  takes the logo out of the t-shirt she [TS]

  backs it with some other fabric sew it [TS]

  so it's you know stable and thick and [TS]

  then she made like a piano cover you [TS]

  know like not just quilts but like [TS]

  things that you you know like covers for [TS]

  things Wow like you know amp cover or [TS]

  whatever made out of old [TS]

  oh that's I get it I see what you're [TS]

  saying [TS]

  little place for your anniversary lip [TS]

  cake right that is all those sexy old [TS]

  band t-shirts it's great it's wonderful [TS]

  it's like what can you say about it it's [TS]

  it's very crafty yeah okay well maybe we [TS]

  should get out maybe we should get out [TS]

  of the closet we could don't we could go [TS]

  to the bathroom we could go to the [TS]

  garage I wish I my bathroom and my [TS]

  garage are both windows on my soul and [TS]

  I'd romatic I don't want people looking [TS]

  in there I know I know I know I felt the [TS]

  same way I can't even have anyone over [TS]

  hmm [TS]

  um I think you sure that I that I got in [TS]

  the mid 80s late 80s mid to late [TS]

  eighties a girl gave me a t-shirt that [TS]

  had a cup of coffee on the front [TS]

  hmm and the coffee it was like a woodcut [TS]

  very it was just a white t-shirt then [TS]

  there was just a cup of coffee and there [TS]

  were three steam lines coming off the [TS]

  top of the coffee and then above it [TS]

  written in a kind of stylized font that [TS]

  maybe ended up being the font that they [TS]

  used on the TV show friends you know [TS]

  kind of like a hand-drawn font mm-hmm it [TS]

  said regular see I was hoping was going [TS]

  to say coffee but I liked [TS]

  regular even better regular regular oh [TS]

  that's good that is that is uh that's [TS]

  pregnant Prague not says the Germans say [TS]

  pregnant with meaning Prague nuts lug [TS]

  nuts [TS]

  and so at the time a lot of our [TS]

  listeners are not going to be able to [TS]

  fathom this but at the time in 1988 to [TS]

  wear a t-shirt that had a cup of coffee [TS]

  on it and it said regular mm-hmm was [TS]

  pretty fucking out there that's pretty [TS]

  out there that was really really [TS]

  alternative and I was pretty proud of [TS]

  how alternative it was because it [TS]

  communicated to people that I was [TS]

  nobody's you know that I was not some [TS]

  spring chicken you know it's not your [TS]

  first day right like I'm I'm not new and [TS]

  because you're gonna sure with a coffee [TS]

  cup on it this is regular it says [TS]

  regular mm-hmm you found out so I pulled [TS]

  that t-shirt out when I needed to what I [TS]

  needed to you know come correct when I [TS]

  needed to enter a scene I totally had [TS]

  those shirts I'd that's why if you look [TS]

  at photos of the birth of my daughter [TS]

  around that that morning I'm wearing my [TS]

  favorite shirt at the time my silkworm [TS]

  shirt though I had to bring my a-game [TS]

  yeah I was wearing a shirt when my [TS]

  daughter was born that I that at the [TS]

  time was just like whatever shirt I had [TS]

  on and now the shirt has tremendous [TS]

  significance to me but it's like not one [TS]

  of my favorite shirts I don't hate it [TS]

  it's a fine shirt yeah but it would have [TS]

  been a shirt that got purged at [TS]

  somewhere along the line if it hadn't [TS]

  been imbued with all this hyper [TS]

  significance yeah now it just sits on a [TS]

  hanger and I look at it and I go well I [TS]

  can't wear that shirt but I also can't [TS]

  give it away no I you know what I think [TS]

  you get a pass on that one yeah I did [TS]

  get rid of that silk warm shirt though I [TS]

  know I know but see this is when you get [TS]

  to that point and so like now I'm really [TS]

  trying to I'm not a minimalist I'm not [TS]

  damn Benjamin but I try really hard to [TS]

  like keep things kind of organized like [TS]

  these are the white t-shirts and I call [TS]

  those I will go through what I would [TS]

  call the white t-shirts if I see pit [TS]

  stains got to go right I've got the like [TS]

  the podcast shirts the Squarespace [TS]

  shirts I got like four Squarespace [TS]

  shirts [TS]

  those are great like go to daily shirts [TS]

  at four fantastic four shirts those are [TS]

  all deployed in their own little special [TS]

  containers then I got the long sleeve [TS]

  t-shirts this is the critical part of my [TS]

  wardrobe Oh long sleeve tees are very [TS]

  tricky to pull off Merlin you know Mac [TS]

  Walden they make it they make a really [TS]

  good it's costly but they make a very [TS]

  good see for me that's not about the [TS]

  underpants Mac Walden they're not a [TS]

  sponsor this episode they should be but [TS]

  but I know I those are the date I was [TS]

  really pleasantly surprised by there [TS]

  because I'm wearing one of their French [TS]

  terry hoodies as we speak Oh French [TS]

  terry hush Terry hoodie you know it's [TS]

  it's funny because it used to be back in [TS]

  the 70s and 80s that the ladies got all [TS]

  of the like thin soft really appealing [TS]

  little hoodies and the boys had all [TS]

  these super thick chunky hoodies chunky [TS]

  hoodies that's how I feel when I wear my [TS]

  extra-large Roderick on the line hoodie [TS]

  it's very it's it's it's like wearing a [TS]

  blanket yeah it's a bits a big blanket [TS]

  hoodie and that was all the hoodies that [TS]

  I ever had but then when I started [TS]

  spending a lot of time in San Francisco [TS]

  and I started thrifting in San Francisco [TS]

  and let me let me just say that I know [TS]

  that sounds like it wouldn't be that [TS]

  good and it often isn't but every once [TS]

  in a while you do stumble on a thing I [TS]

  came into possession of a couple of [TS]

  extra large sized but thin soft you know [TS]

  like like Gama lean little uh hoodies [TS]

  that were just like just like t-shirts [TS]

  basically except they were hoodies and I [TS]

  started wearing them around and then all [TS]

  of my lady friends would see them from [TS]

  across the room be like where did you [TS]

  get that hoodie say oh you know I found [TS]

  it but why and they're like we can't [TS]

  find hoodies like that anymore for [TS]

  ladies now that now that guys have all [TS]

  the soft hoodies and and the lady [TS]

  hoodies are so I don't know something [TS]

  they're like into some it's not a thing [TS]

  or or something I don't know what it is [TS]

  huh but I am I have been the envy of [TS]

  several of my lady friends because of my [TS]

  collection now of very soft small [TS]

  hoodies [TS]

  small but like bin you know like 9:02 [TS]

  mean I don't like a light a light weight [TS]

  not pointy not bulky material a hoodie [TS]

  that you could wear under something oh [TS]

  no that's that's a tough call you know [TS]

  like I dunno yes [TS]

  it's almost like it's like an advanced [TS]

  t-shirt material yeah hoodie that you [TS]

  put on under a jacket like it should be [TS]

  like an Opie shirt okay right right [TS]

  I think Opie made shirts like that their [TS]

  college long-sleeve t-shirt with a hood [TS]

  well okay so now okay so I can't go [TS]

  there because that's to dr. Zog sex wax [TS]

  well but never Niles bone but something [TS]

  make a long-sleeved t-shirt is a really [TS]

  tricky game because I have several and [TS]

  the long sleeve t-shirts that I that I [TS]

  get away with are one of them is from [TS]

  Portland's um like Japanese garden hmm [TS]

  one of them is a not a surf long-sleeve [TS]

  t-shirt which I never would have thought [TS]

  worked but it did one of them is from [TS]

  the US Arctic National Research Council [TS]

  one of them is from a like Homer Alaska [TS]

  and there's just there just a few of [TS]

  them that I can that that the pass [TS]

  because the danger of a long-sleeve [TS]

  t-shirt is it's one it's like two inches [TS]

  of fabric away from a mock turtle you're [TS]

  right you're right and sometimes you get [TS]

  a crew that's a little tight if you're a [TS]

  little tight in the crew it gets it gets [TS]

  into like you like the rock yes you do [TS]

  look like the rock and it's really [TS]

  tricky you know you can't just say [TS]

  because there was a there was a time one [TS]

  of my very first encounters with B I [TS]

  have solved the clothing problem was in [TS]

  1987 my friend Bob wood came back to the [TS]

  dorms and Bob said you guys Eddie Bauer [TS]

  in downtown Spokane is having a big sale [TS]

  and they have these shirts [TS]

  and he held one up and it was a long [TS]

  sleeve but it was made out of like uh [TS]

  this like miracle fabric it was hundred [TS]

  percent cotton right but it was at the [TS]

  time all we wanted was clothes that were [TS]

  really beefy beefy was our watchword [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  is that beefy yes it's beefy all right [TS]

  cuz the beef test it's beefy and this [TS]

  was a thing where it was like this shirt [TS]

  was very beefy and he said they're [TS]

  having a sale on these they're like nine [TS]

  dollars each and they have them in every [TS]

  conceivable color and so I mean we're in [TS]

  college this isn't it's not a group of [TS]

  guys that you're typically gonna think [TS]

  like let's go to the mall but we all [TS]

  jumped on our mountain bikes and we rode [TS]

  to Eddie Bauer they were having a [TS]

  massive sale and this was any Bauer [TS]

  before they became became terrible this [TS]

  was Eddie Bauer back when there were [TS]

  still canoes in the store and they're on [TS]

  the sale rack there it was an entire [TS]

  wall I remember it like it's yesterday [TS]

  entire wall two whole racks top and [TS]

  bottom and there were two kinds of [TS]

  shirts [TS]

  there were mock turtle necks and there [TS]

  were regular crew necks all made out of [TS]

  the same piece of material and seriously [TS]

  in every color light cream pink orange [TS]

  green blue [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  you know uh like plum like and they were [TS]

  all 80s colors and we all like our minds [TS]

  were blown and we all felt like for like [TS]

  I think they were even cheaper than nine [TS]

  dollars they were so cheap [TS]

  we just felt like for a $50 investment I [TS]

  will never have to think about clothes [TS]

  again mm-hmm you know we had that [TS]

  libertarian moment of just like I mean [TS]

  it's all just punch of that's very very [TS]

  appealing and I bought eight shirts and [TS]

  I got mock Turtles mixed in I got like [TS]

  three mock Turtles and five crew necks [TS]

  because at the time mock Turtles seemed [TS]

  like they all so soft a problem it was [TS]

  like a turtleneck but without all the [TS]

  extra it's not you talking the 90s this [TS]

  is 87 ex I'm so bright in the early 90s [TS]

  in the barn jacket era uh there's a [TS]

  little bit of a vote for a slight mock [TS]

  turtleneck on a fella well I mean if you [TS]

  think about the early if you if you look [TS]

  at the opening sequence of friends not [TS]

  to talk about friends two times in a row [TS]

  but I think Joey is wearing mock turtle [TS]

  necks a lot of the time Joey really [TS]

  liked a mock turtle when I first moved [TS]

  to Seattle there was a punk band called [TS]

  mock turtle but they spelt it ma CH mock [TS]

  turtle as in make turtle as in well like [TS]

  Michelle Michelle or like mock one ma I [TS]

  get it that's good [TS]

  okay that's their logo was a turtle with [TS]

  like a jet engine coming out of its butt [TS]

  or something [TS]

  oh they were a punk band sure but I did [TS]

  have these mock Turtles and wore them [TS]

  until about 91 when it when it obviously [TS]

  then had become it was no no longer felt [TS]

  like a adventure sports solution to a [TS]

  problem and felt like the beginning of a [TS]

  whole new problem that it was a Joey [TS]

  problem now and so I had my mom take the [TS]

  mock turtle part off yes so no just so [TS]

  regular calling let's take the turtle [TS]

  part I said we I swear to you I still [TS]

  have three of those eight shirts okay [TS]

  and they are [TS]

  they are shredded but I can go when you [TS]

  fight when you finally find something [TS]

  that's that's what you really want it's [TS]

  so hard to let go we wore those shirts [TS]

  with such pride we had solved every [TS]

  problem we had the shirt just can't get [TS]

  those days back I had those kinds of [TS]

  like internal moral panics when I like I [TS]

  finally find a pair of like slick shoes [TS]

  that I like alright this was a huge deal [TS]

  in 80s when like if you found a pair of [TS]

  shoes that you would like and it was a [TS]

  name-brand shoe there's a pretty good [TS]

  chance that within the next year it [TS]

  would be really different or even gone [TS]

  yeah Nike made this kind of shoe when I [TS]

  was in my first first probably or maybe [TS]

  second pair of Nikes the Nike dynasty do [TS]

  you remember that no tell me more early [TS]

  80s long as you define it for you the [TS]

  dynasty so this is the red swoop era but [TS]

  no buy for that is before that really [TS]

  and these were so dope can't you see now [TS]

  of course now all look like all those [TS]

  other shoes now like then all those neon [TS]

  like din ah look at this look at this [TS]

  guy Texas - you sure oh my gosh shit [TS]

  don't make me look at myself I'm waiting [TS]

  I'm standing with the catcher's mitt [TS]

  waiting for this text come on there it [TS]

  is clicking on it oh what a shoe and [TS]

  look at that what is easy [TS]

  Oxford's way to see the Oxford's I had [TS]

  two pairs of these oh I love that [TS]

  I love that fabric that I know the mesh [TS]

  mesh Oh terrific I was gonna use a [TS]

  picture of the rock for show art this [TS]

  week totally putting in the dynasties oh [TS]

  man show me the Oxford's yeah should [TS]

  come in a second look at that I need a [TS]

  warm swoosh on the tongue I'm having a [TS]

  I'm having a strange flashback yeah what [TS]

  well I never had these because these [TS]

  would have been way way way too cool it [TS]

  was my box yeah my mom would not have [TS]

  sprung for these but I am having a [TS]

  flashback of envying these so these look [TS]

  like Stan Smith's [TS]

  look at these I don't think at the zone [TS]

  pretty relatively fat laces a mesh with [TS]

  suede around the toe and the heel blue [TS]

  on the inside and a blue swoosh and I [TS]

  wear these every day today if they made [TS]

  these how do we get these I don't know [TS]

  if I gotta go on eBay [TS]

  no but I don't want some old ones I like [TS]

  how do we get it how do we get them [TS]

  remade you know this is a Kickstarter [TS]

  could we just say start giving us money [TS]

  so the Nikhil make these how that works [TS]

  I think so the other thing that's how it [TS]

  works we're powerful people in the world [TS]

  we can get like you know to start [TS]

  remaking a shoe if we just did a kick [TS]

  start I have no reason to think that it [TS]

  wouldn't work but those are pretty sharp [TS]

  especially when they're new they're not [TS]

  usually quite this beat-up but they're [TS]

  not totally white exactly yeah I love [TS]

  that that combination of like mesh and [TS]

  suede yeah within the rubber on the [TS]

  bottom it's a great look this uh this [TS]

  episode's been a lot about feet well you [TS]

  know my feet have held up really well [TS]

  considering considering all the work [TS]

  that I've put in you know put on them [TS]

  right you're walking across your up for [TS]

  example oh and just like I'm a walker [TS]

  I'm uh I'm heavy and my feet have just [TS]

  never let me down there um you have to [TS]

  do a certain amount of maintenance on [TS]

  them one of the toes curves under but I [TS]

  can't imagine like having problems with [TS]

  your feet it would be so it would be so [TS]

  it's not a shoe the column you know what [TS]

  I mean like you're you're you're like [TS]

  knees feet of the knees are the other [TS]

  one the feet for sure like oh man you [TS]

  don't mess those up so my knees are [TS]

  terrible they're absolutely ruined cuz [TS]

  all the ball you played uh you know well [TS]

  the skiing didn't help but also I think [TS]

  I think it's one of those things where [TS]

  your there's certain parts of your body [TS]

  that are just that are just weak from [TS]

  the start [TS]

  and I always felt it was my knees in my [TS]

  lungs were the two things in my body [TS]

  that just from the beginning I could [TS]

  tell we're like they're just not up to [TS]

  capacity so the all the all the damage [TS]

  has been borne by my knees but my feet [TS]

  our solid mmm Thank You all-stars am i [TS]

  right [TS]

  I do I do I think about somebody that [TS]

  had pain in their feet and I just have [TS]

  tremendous sympathy because foot pain is [TS]

  no good like NEEP NEEP fucked up knees [TS]

  just means that now I'm starting to walk [TS]

  like my dad when I go up and down the [TS]

  stairs it starts to be like a it starts [TS]

  to be a thing it's like yeah just I'm [TS]

  going upstairs okay here I go [TS]

  cracking noise crack crack yeah there's [TS]

  I mean I'm trying to walk like the [TS]

  penguin from them you know [TS]

  burgess Meredith penguin because my name [TS]

  is yeah and and one day I'm sure that [TS]

  I'll have there will be some technology [TS]

  where I have knee replacement surgery [TS]

  but you're never safe probably not in [TS]

  your lifetime yeah someday you never the [TS]

  same no and so yeah I'm starting to just [TS]

  like uh because the thing is I have one [TS]

  bad knee so I favored the other one for [TS]

  so long that not ruined it - yeah you [TS]

  know you don't get that many shots with [TS]

  these things you know what is depleted [TS]

  like sometimes all my daughter and I are [TS]

  wrestling she'll grab my thumb and I'm [TS]

  worried she's gonna break my thumb and [TS]

  I'm like hey I got two of those if I'm [TS]

  lucky for the rest of my life I don't [TS]

  want to get down to one thumb do not [TS]

  break my thumb no don't break my thumb [TS]

  right I admire the move [TS]

  yeah but I say that all the time please [TS]

  don't break my thumb please don't break [TS]

  my thumb don't touch my feet don't touch [TS]

  my feet in the morning I I start to I [TS]

  mean I'm not a it turns out this is a [TS]

  weird thing that I've just recently [TS]

  realized is that it turns out that I'm [TS]

  actually pretty optimistic [TS]

  oh you finding all kinds of things [TS]

  aren't you yeah I I would never have [TS]

  thought of myself as an optimist because [TS]

  it didn't it didn't go along with like [TS]

  being cynical which I also was but turns [TS]

  out they're completely different and [TS]

  when I wake up in the morning I just [TS]

  assume everything's gonna be fine and uh [TS]

  and that optimism also means that I have [TS]

  never gone through that aspect of aging [TS]

  where you're like what's going to break [TS]

  next you know I'm not worried about [TS]

  cancer I don't sit around and you know [TS]

  and I [TS]

  I don't I don't scheme in such a way [TS]

  that I'm like I think I think my liver [TS]

  is going wrong you know I feel that like [TS]

  hyper-vigilance about like I better [TS]

  watch out and like start you know cuz if [TS]

  I can guess what it is it'll be easier [TS]

  to deal with you know consumed by that [TS]

  I'm not but I am at the I am at that [TS]

  point in life where I do realize that [TS]

  something's gonna kill me right I mean [TS]

  theoretically it's gonna be something [TS]

  you could be the first one you know I [TS]

  don't think so skinny PAP or teal I [TS]

  think the first person that yeah it's [TS]

  gonna be Peter teal because he's gonna [TS]

  keep using like virgin blood mhm [TS]

  tell me one other virgins til they run [TS]

  out right but no I'm not gonna live [TS]

  forever something's gonna get me now [TS]

  what is it yeah I know you know is it [TS]

  going to be enemy fire probably not so [TS]

  something right and and so just even [TS]

  that idea then you start doing those [TS]

  assessments we walk out of the door and [TS]

  you're like everything seems to be [TS]

  working fine [TS]

  but that's what they all say oh yeah [TS]

  everything's fine until it's not right [TS]

  you can really drive yourself crazy with [TS]

  that stuff though yeah I don't want to [TS]

  go crazy that's another way to go nah [TS]

  see that's how they get you [TS]

  yeah I don't want to drive myself crazy [TS]

  thinking about it mmm-hmm how dumb would [TS]

  that be what did he die of being crazy [TS]

  about worrying about what he was gonna [TS]

  die of that's not the coroner's report [TS]

  this is very very case [TS]

  oh man who would himself good deal look [TS]

  but I you know Tony if somebody asked me [TS]

  the other day like yeah did your finger [TS]

  ever heal and I'm like I mean it healed [TS]

  as good as it's gonna is that what [TS]

  you're asking [TS]

  it stopped getting worse yeah most me I [TS]

  can grab things yeah uh that's not I [TS]

  it's not like missing yeah but but it [TS]

  also I mean you know do you want to hear [TS]

  it crack just let's see the ways in [TS]

  which it's not fine and never will be [TS]

  again [TS]

  hmm so uh so yeah just I'm wondering [TS]

  more and more even in spite of the [TS]

  optimism that you know at some point I'm [TS]

  going to have to at least get a gym [TS]

  membership [TS]

  okay now John's got a gym membership [TS]

  yeah you know uh what what are you gonna [TS]

  wear [TS]

  and what's your workout gonna be like [TS]

  would you have it would you have it [TS]

  organized for you by a professional or [TS]

  would be an ad-hoc work out of your own [TS]

  design I think in general over time I [TS]

  have seen that if I do work with [TS]

  somebody it's only for one time they [TS]

  design an exercise routine for me but [TS]

  I've had that enough times now that I [TS]

  feel like I know how to go in and work [TS]

  the legs one day in the arms the next [TS]

  day and I know when machines well no I [TS]

  mean I know what all the I know how to [TS]

  do the exercises with free weights but I [TS]

  don't eat you be actually lifting the [TS]

  actual ding-a-lings yourself [TS]

  I generally what I do is like the [TS]

  complicated exercises like the butterfly [TS]

  and stuff like that that probably are [TS]

  much more effective if you use free [TS]

  weights because they're the ones that [TS]

  are really challenging to keep your you [TS]

  know your all your systems in place yeah [TS]

  I find those are much easier to just do [TS]

  on the machine and not risk injury but [TS]

  like your normal sort of up and down [TS]

  weight lifting you just do it with free [TS]

  weights it's the you don't need to sit [TS]

  and do the do the bicep bar bicep [TS]

  machine that seems a little silly I [TS]

  don't know I think this is pretty cool I [TS]

  like machines I use them you know I I'm [TS]

  not I don't I'm not I'm not proud but my [TS]

  workout outfit I think is usually red [TS]

  sweat pants with a white rope or white [TS]

  tie and a band t-shirt of some kinds is [TS]

  good that's a good look [TS]

  yeah some sort of band t-shirt or you [TS]

  know I've got a t-shirt from the Racing [TS]

  Form I've got a t-shirt from language [TS]

  och Oregon you know the step can we be [TS]

  listening to music or we be watching CNN [TS]

  no neither you don't do either of those [TS]

  in regular life no I would prefer if [TS]

  gyms were quiet [TS]

  Shh I wish they were quiet and I wish [TS]

  that that everyone else wished that they [TS]

  were quiet the idea of sitting on an [TS]

  exercise bike and watching the news I [TS]

  just cannot fathom how you could do it I [TS]

  just don't understand it why would you [TS]

  it's like I used to date a girl who we [TS]

  would go on long walks together at night [TS]

  and we would come to the bottom of a [TS]

  very steep hill of which Seattle has [TS]

  dozens and dozens and she would light a [TS]

  cigarette and I would say we're at the [TS]

  bottom of the hill sweetheart don't you [TS]

  want to save the cigarette for the top [TS]

  of the hill when we've when we've [TS]

  achieved our goal uh-huh and her [TS]

  attitude was like don't tell me what to [TS]

  do and so we would walk up this steep [TS]

  hill where we're both like huffing and [TS]

  puffing and she's smoking the entire [TS]

  time now we would get to the top and I [TS]

  would have a cigarette a valedictory [TS]

  cigarette sure but she wanted to smoke [TS]

  all the way up I remember one time we [TS]

  were out in the middle of the night and [TS]

  we saw two kids in hoodies dart across [TS]

  the street with hoods up dart across the [TS]

  street between one set of parked cars to [TS]

  another set of parked cars and like and [TS]

  and duck up an alley middle of the night [TS]

  and I said let's go let's let's chase [TS]

  those guys let's find out what's going [TS]

  on let's chase him and she said she was [TS]

  always up for adventure and she was like [TS]

  okay let's go [TS]

  hang on and she lit a cigarette your [TS]

  cheek chase while smoking I was like [TS]

  we're in were not pursued and she was [TS]

  listening in the interview I couldn't [TS]

  believe it yeah like what the kind of [TS]

  hot pursuit is that first of all the [TS]

  Vietcong is gonna smell your cigarette [TS]

  second of all then they're gonna see the [TS]

  cherry right that's how the snipers get [TS]

  you yeah yes that OPSEC yeah you know [TS]

  that's why you don't do three on a match [TS]

  yeah another thing another thing that it [TS]

  would seem so easy to just work that out [TS]

  with somebody [TS]

  smoke smoke after we someone we're [TS]

  celebrating our victory you don't smoke [TS]

  on a chase has anybody ever I've never [TS]

  known anybody to smoke on a chase before [TS]

  I don't see how you can I mean it's just [TS]

  so so against the rules of a chase you [TS]

  know and particularly a chase like that [TS]

  where it's like we don't know [TS]

  these people are why we're chasing them [TS]

  so you gotta be ready for every [TS]

  eventualities what if they run into a [TS]

  non-smoking facility [TS]

  what if they hide your propane facility [TS]

  right mm-hmm right [TS]

  either way you're probably gonna either [TS]

  you're gonna lose half a cigarette or [TS]

  we're gonna endanger our lives but like [TS]

  in those moments I don't know it just [TS]

  seems crazy to me that that's when you [TS]

  would that's when you would light up and [TS]

  and I guess that's why we're not [TS]

  together now yeah yeah all water always [TS]

  finds its own level I was explaining [TS]

  that some kindergarteners the other day [TS]

  how'd it go well like explaining things [TS]

  to kindergarteners I was like listen all [TS]

  the water and I had like six of them [TS]

  standing around me mm-hmm [TS]

  because they wanted to know what a drain [TS]

  they pointed at the drain pipe on the [TS]

  side of the Billy and they were like [TS]

  what's that and I said oh well it's the [TS]

  drain pipe it takes the water off the [TS]

  roof and it goes down this way and it [TS]

  was one of those drain pipes that had a [TS]

  bend and then it went down and then [TS]

  around a corner and then down and I said [TS]

  you know let's follow the drain pipe so [TS]

  all these little gaggle of [TS]

  kindergartners and I followed it down [TS]

  into the hole and they were really [TS]

  interested in it and I said well here's [TS]

  the thing all water wants to get back to [TS]

  the ocean so every time you see water [TS]

  coming down it's going to try and get [TS]

  back to the ocean and they were like you [TS]

  know all their eyes narrowed as they [TS]

  thought about that and then in the [TS]

  kindergarden and fashion they each had [TS]

  an example of water that did not get [TS]

  back to the ocean [TS]

  well what about it over here on the [TS]

  playground there's a big puddle when it [TS]

  rains [TS]

  well the water is trying to get to the [TS]

  ocean it just can't the water is not [TS]

  magic bread right well and then the one [TS]

  kid was like the water goes down into [TS]

  the dirt and I said yes down into the [TS]

  dirt in two underground streams that [TS]

  take it to the ocean I even say you say [TS]

  it can Aidan [TS]

  one of the kids names was Aidan we have [TS]

  three Aidan's in my daughter sons God [TS]

  yeah uh [TS]

  no Aiden Aiden stop arguing Aiden the [TS]

  water tries to get to the ocean some [TS]

  things you just accept on face value [TS]

  when an adult says them what's happening [TS]

  what's happening these days but did you [TS]

  ever do everything to argue about a [TS]

  puddle with somebody before you're okay [TS]

  to argue with with with a grown man [TS]

  about a puddle and tell him I'll paddles [TS]

  work absolutely not I would have said [TS]

  yes sir thank you sir may I have another [TS]

  sir does eat too many avocados young [TS]

  people do have more too many avocados [TS]

  week so we took we took our kid last [TS]

  night to dinner and she hates Indian [TS]

  food because one time I ordered Indian [TS]

  food and it was too spicy in it and it [TS]

  spiced her out we went to this Indian [TS]

  restaurant and I said to the man listen [TS]

  everything's got to be just as bland as [TS]

  bland can be because we're it's just it [TS]

  needs to be baby food because I want my [TS]

  daughter to like Indian food and I [TS]

  always use the magic incantation after [TS]

  I've explicitly described when you bring [TS]

  this cheeseburger the cheeseburger needs [TS]

  to be a burger what I want what I want [TS]

  is a burger on a bun with American [TS]

  cheese and literally nothing else and [TS]

  they said no vegetables and I say [TS]

  literally nothing else what about [TS]

  ketchup and mustard it's so important [TS]

  that you not put ketchup and mustard and [TS]

  then I say I look at them I look them in [TS]

  the eyes and I say it's for a kid right [TS]

  and I think that's that's how you put [TS]

  the put the dot on the eye is like no [TS]

  like it's it's like saying like you know [TS]

  deathly allergic anaphylactic shock [TS]

  danger danger right it's for a kid and [TS]

  so you tell them make help me help you I [TS]

  need your help you help me help this kid [TS]

  learn to love the the cuisine of your [TS]

  continent yeah [TS]

  and this was lucky because the owner of [TS]

  the restaurant this is a busy restaurant [TS]

  the owner saw us come in and was [TS]

  immediately enamored with the child and [TS]

  so came over to the table and talked to [TS]

  her first you know hello princess how [TS]

  are you nice let me know if you need [TS]

  anything and she was charmed by him so [TS]

  that when I said look we need this we [TS]

  need [TS]

  to have things be really like prepared [TS]

  in a way that is against their nature [TS]

  here in order to satisfy this child it [TS]

  looks like that's what you're asking for [TS]

  some kind of a gastronomical chimera [TS]

  like something that probably shouldn't [TS]

  exist yeah this is not a thing that you [TS]

  would ever do on your own this is just a [TS]

  thing that we're going to do to to [TS]

  gradually introduce our daughter to this [TS]

  idea it was really curious because I'd [TS]

  always been a little bit not suspicious [TS]

  but I'd always had one eye open in this [TS]

  restaurant because I was like I've been [TS]

  to a lot of Indian restaurants something [TS]

  about this place is different and I [TS]

  don't know what and I for a long time I [TS]

  thought is this a Pakistani restaurant [TS]

  is this some situation where they were [TS]

  pre partition they were like making food [TS]

  in in you know the garage and then [TS]

  they're actually Pakistani or they're [TS]

  actually Muslims but they make Indian [TS]

  food is that the game here for saying [TS]

  it's essentially non Indian oh uh the [TS]

  restaurant is called naan and curry and [TS]

  naan n ' Kareem on and Kirk oh I got a [TS]

  lot get a lot of problems that's it's a [TS]

  terrible terrible name but it's always [TS]

  full of people and I'm I'm generally the [TS]

  only gringo in there right everyone else [TS]

  is from the subcontinent somewhere and [TS]

  so last night I'm sitting in the [TS]

  restaurant I'm looking around and there [TS]

  are jobs all over and I'm like okay this [TS]

  is not and that would be - more [TS]

  Pakistani it would definitely read as [TS]

  you know like that's more as a more [TS]

  Muslim country as sometimes yeah [TS]

  something's going on here okay I mean [TS]

  it's not I mean the I think within [TS]

  within the within that realm there are a [TS]

  lot of hard feelings between the Hindus [TS]

  and Muslims but also there's a lot of [TS]

  people that are just going [TS]

  two getting along right everybody's age [TS]

  in general there are a lot of people [TS]

  there so there's got to be people of all [TS]

  stripes and everybody else good food [TS]

  everybody likes good food but it was [TS]

  conspicuous given the fact that I [TS]

  already had some just some I don't know [TS]

  she's just little tingle of like what's [TS]

  going on [TS]

  tingly hunches so the man came over he [TS]

  was being very solicitous and great with [TS]

  we had some mango lassis everyone was [TS]

  happy and I said sir [TS]

  where what is your origin story are you [TS]

  where are you from let's just call it [TS]

  that this is going well so far and he [TS]

  got a big smile on his face and he said [TS]

  Bangladesh morning and iced Bangladesh [TS]

  you're talking about East Pakistan and [TS]

  he was very excited he was like yes he's [TS]

  Pakistan whoa and so this is the crazy [TS]

  story of Bangladesh right it's on the [TS]

  other side of India from Pakistan but [TS]

  when uh when the schism happened when [TS]

  the separation between India and [TS]

  Pakistan happened right East Pakistan [TS]

  completely on the other side went along [TS]

  with Pakistan because they were majority [TS]

  Muslim and then along the way somewhere [TS]

  they were like listen we're not Pakistan [TS]

  we're Bangladesh and they changed and [TS]

  now it's now it's the nation of [TS]

  Bangladesh but serving really delicious [TS]

  Indian food and it just was like it was [TS]

  an another door in my head opened up to [TS]

  a room that I now need to fill the stuff [TS]

  because I don't know anything about [TS]

  Bangladesh most expect you could find [TS]

  out now [TS]

  well except a little bit of stuff BAM [TS]

  yeah so now I've got a friend now I've [TS]

  got a Bangladeshi friend who owns a [TS]

  restaurant who now I'm gonna go there [TS]

  all the time and little by little I'm [TS]

  get them I'm going to ask more and more [TS]

  questions until I learn until I learn I [TS]

  guess that's how learning that's how [TS]

  learning works at least in these parts [TS]

  yeah or until you ask the wrong question [TS]

  you cross the wrong guy I feel like this [TS]

  man if I asked the wrong question he [TS]

  would bear [TS]

  patiently and in a very friendly way say [TS]

  ah you have asked the wrong question ah [TS]

  I love that in a restaurant or I do not [TS]

  get that as often as I would like [TS]

  somebody who really heard what I said [TS]

  they were they weren't they weren't just [TS]

  listening [TS]

  they were just hearing they were [TS]

  listening they heard through right and [TS]

  they knew the answer yes yes and this [TS]

  this man is he compete comports as a [TS]

  wise person so he knows that if I am [TS]

  asking a question that is the wrong [TS]

  question it is not that I am that I have [TS]

  ill intent but simply that I do not know [TS]

  the right question to ask you know you [TS]

  should see in fact I could be your [TS]

  doctor [TS]

  because I feel like that's something I [TS]

  would love in a doctor you should find [TS]

  out if he does medicine too because that [TS]

  wouldn't that be nice to have a doctor [TS]

  where you could go they'd say oh you are [TS]

  that's a very good question but you ask [TS]

  the wrong question my friend somebody [TS]

  who's very very helpful and regional yes [TS]

  he does he does give off the air of a [TS]

  doctor you should just you know maybe [TS]

  that put that on your list maybe next [TS]

  time you're in there were you a doctor [TS]

  so this place is called naan and curry [TS]

  it's in Renton Washington it is not very [TS]

  interesting looking from the outside and [TS]

  when you go in there you are going to [TS]

  have some kind of authentic Bangladeshi [TS]

  experience but the man definitely feels [TS]

  like a doctor and now I want to go now I [TS]

  want to go ask him about some of the [TS]

  things that are like what's gonna kill [TS]

  me doctor yeah [TS]

  please is it gonna be my knees or my [TS]

  finger or what is it wholesome to feel [TS]

  the way I feel about my feet yeah right [TS]

  is that a problem you've got you [TS]

  shouldn't do them all at once you don't [TS]

  overwhelm he's got to run a fucking [TS]

  business but it would be nice to get [TS]

  some insight from somebody who's [TS]

  actually really listening I do feel like [TS]

  you know a nice enough older than me [TS]

  that I feel like if I sat down at a [TS]

  table with him and said this thing about [TS]

  touching my feet in the night is this [TS]

  gonna keep me from love is this gonna [TS]

  like lead I keep me outside of you [TS]

  that's the wrong question my friend and [TS]

  he's gonna be like right well that is a [TS]

  good question but do you guys go out and [TS]

  play catch so yeah [TS]

  Oh [TS]

  [Music] [TS]