Roderick on the Line

Ep. 240: "Wrobbie Wrist"


  hello no John I'm Merlin how is it going [TS]

  oh it's a little bit tenuous hmm yeah [TS]

  there's a little bit of tenuous pneus [TS]

  because my rig l my podcasting rig I [TS]

  think I'm getting it though I'm getting [TS]

  the 10 yuasa tea out of it you sound you [TS]

  sound tremendous oh hey thank you you do [TS]

  with it that feels good when someone [TS]

  says you sound tremendous well you sound [TS]

  like you might be inside of like a [TS]

  costly shag rug you're very well [TS]

  buffeted you are you sound good [TS]

  sometimes when you're at your venice [TS]

  beach location it's a little echoey yeah [TS]

  in this case it sounds like you're [TS]

  inside of like a really expensive [TS]

  cardboard box it sounds good yes yes [TS]

  yeah are you doing something different [TS]

  you know what every week is different [TS]

  because because I feel like so much the [TS]

  same and yet somehow different yeah you [TS]

  know Here I am talking to my podcast pal [TS]

  TM and um you know I feel like every [TS]

  week we should we shut off a certain [TS]

  amount of skin flakes and dander right [TS]

  things inside of us die and are replaced [TS]

  by other things Hakuna Matata stuff [TS]

  cycles around goes in it comes out and [TS]

  so why why should I be podcasting from [TS]

  the same location same fashion every [TS]

  week I'm barely the same person I was [TS]

  two weeks ago yeah yeah you that you [TS]

  were two weeks ago is like in your air [TS]

  conditioning filter at this point [TS]

  exactly fingernails grow fingernails get [TS]

  bitten off they grow em to everything [TS]

  turn turn turn that's right my eyelashes [TS]

  go out into my mouth somehow and then I [TS]

  you know depth and so I try to keep it [TS]

  you know I could try to keep it fresh [TS]

  mm-hmm I try to keep a new [TS]

  yeah are you going with my uncle and [TS]

  Aunty and bellaire oh sure sure parents [TS]

  had gone on a vacation uh okay uh I [TS]

  don't like to ask you no questions about [TS]

  things um flash flash was kind of the [TS]

  cousin Oliver of that show they brought [TS]

  him in late to kind of Russian things up [TS]

  he was the scrappydew and I don't want [TS]

  to scrappy do you know how that he was [TS]

  so cute i wanna scrappy-doo he was he [TS]

  was better than most yeah he was better [TS]

  than having some little kid with big big [TS]

  glasses on my show robbie rist robbie [TS]

  rist robbie i think his name is robbie [TS]

  rist Oh without a w oh I was gonna say [TS]

  robbie rist that is a good that's good [TS]

  punk rock name it's a good punk rock [TS]

  name it's a good thing to call somebody [TS]

  that you get that you catch masturbating [TS]

  oh look at him it's rob you know what [TS]

  thank you all right well did Robbie [TS]

  truth Robbie yes now what did would you [TS]

  put it W in front of Robbie Robbie mwr [TS]

  ist i think i just put a hat on a hat so [TS]

  if you google robbie rist Oh see I think [TS]

  he suffers from the same face hair [TS]

  malady that I have let's see here Robbie [TS]

  risk yeah see I think about the one that [TS]

  came on too hot happy days Oh after [TS]

  chachi what there was some there was [TS]

  some kid that was it the songs adopt a [TS]

  kid robbie rist without a w huh yeah uh [TS]

  what what who was they who was the one [TS]

  the kid with the with the glasses that [TS]

  was incongruous given that yeah there he [TS]

  is and he was on which is on memory [TS]

  serves I believe his on the Brady Bunch [TS]

  the Brady Bunch right and he's like a [TS]

  little he looks exactly like John Denver [TS]

  who was very popular on cuz that's a [TS]

  really good point he had that that [TS]

  ubiquitous 70s haircut which our hands [TS]

  you had the the helmet you had the that [TS]

  was named TWiki was it Twiggy [TS]

  spinnerbait twiki and dr. Theophilus [TS]

  that I remember the biddy biddy biddy oh [TS]

  no I always call that the mom the [TS]

  haircut that your mom gives you oh the [TS]

  mom cut yes and there were lots of Mason [TS]

  Reese I don't think he had that haircut [TS]

  but okay so okay born 1964 52 years old [TS]

  so you know the show you know you start [TS]

  out in a certain place and then you go [TS]

  to a different place and you know the [TS]

  the show by the yeah you know it's like [TS]

  gets like in raising arizona you know i [TS]

  gotta get gotta get some new baby [TS]

  because these aren't you know it's [TS]

  huggable anymore you need somebody cute [TS]

  so you add a robbie rist you add a you [TS]

  add a little girl on the family yeah [TS]

  yeah but i don't think you know they [TS]

  I've actually here on the first page of [TS]

  Google the cousin all of those their [TS]

  cousin Oliver syndrome I guess they're [TS]

  saying they're applying to robbie rist [TS]

  always being I think he is the widely [TS]

  regarded as the canonical example of the [TS]

  scrappydew problem did did Mason Reese [TS]

  was he d my bologna has a first name [TS]

  it's ma y ER he was the Borg a smart kid [TS]

  Oh Boris Boris board oh I love to eat it [TS]

  every day soon you ask me while say oh [TS]

  me series look at Google Mason Reese [TS]

  well I just did already here he looks [TS]

  like that easy easy if somebody gets [TS]

  mistaken for Bruce Vilanch you better be [TS]

  big goddamn careful you know it's sort [TS]

  of the Reich mysteries minus Bruce [TS]

  Vilanch equals you know it's the single [TS]

  thing in the entire world that gets [TS]

  under your skin and it's still killing [TS]

  go learned yeah Oh rocky Allen rippy i [TS]

  forgot about Rodney Allen rippy I always [TS]

  mistake the girl that came on to all in [TS]

  the family and then went into the [TS]

  spin-off Archie's place yes Danielle I [TS]

  always a mistake her for the girl in [TS]

  goodbye girl good you know it's a movie [TS]

  i still haven't seen oh come my god I [TS]

  know I know you know I'm putting on the [TS]

  list on go home and watch it right now [TS]

  my husband Richard Dreyfuss won his [TS]

  Academy Award you heard a Duke boys very [TS]

  gates David Gates you don't hear from [TS]

  hearing or hope all Benedict Bentley was [TS]

  in that movie Quinn Cummings there you [TS]

  go Quinn Cummings Paul Benedict does [TS]

  it's really a star turn he should have [TS]

  wanted a get awfully good he really is [TS]

  it's a shame that people may know him [TS]

  from from The Jeffersons I mean he was [TS]

  great on The Jeffersons for sure but [TS]

  yeah he's very very funny well I'm just [TS]

  discovered this twisted old fruit ya I'm [TS]

  just as God made me sir he walks away [TS]

  with spinal taps doses just those [TS]

  glasses this lasses are funny this gun [TS]

  made me I say that I said at least once [TS]

  a week oh I say it all the time yeah I [TS]

  have to I have to pretty stock responses [TS]

  to a random backhanded compliment on [TS]

  Twitter one is I'm just as God made me [TS]

  sir and the other one is a line from a [TS]

  Smith song right I simply say sup girls [TS]

  mothers are bigger than others same [TS]

  record I say that's nothing you should [TS]

  hear me play piano oh sure yeah oh sure [TS]

  I said I know you and you cannot sing [TS]

  that's nothing you should hear me play [TS]

  don't know no funny enough you and I [TS]

  quoted me first melodies have to know [TS]

  I'm singing the third singing the third [TS]

  horrible horrible working yeah we just [TS]

  cited the first and last track on the [TS]

  1986 album the queen is dead nineteen [TS]

  eighty-six by which point in time the [TS]

  tide had turned that was the best record [TS]

  we were on to something else by then [TS]

  yeah it has a valedictory kind of that [TS]

  the word I'm looking for it has a yeah I [TS]

  mean you know they did the what they do [TS]

  after that they did rank but no that was [TS]

  that's Cena Meat Is Murder I don't think [TS]

  that's that strong of a record it's got [TS]

  sad master ritual one of the great songs [TS]

  agreed that it is not that strong of a [TS]

  record okay so say there's cheese upon [TS]

  which we can all agree yeah we can agree [TS]

  upon the cheese that the Smiths are not [TS]

  very negative you can't land a fraction [TS]

  we've been working on fractions over [TS]

  here at the house you [TS]

  kidding already well this is the price [TS]

  that she's had a birthday not too long [TS]

  ago yes she did and creamy to say happy [TS]

  birthday to people for their kids it's [TS]

  weird but it was on my calendar so you [TS]

  know belated happy birthday at all you [TS]

  creep oh thank you thank you aware that [TS]

  I I meditated upon and I went holy God [TS]

  how is John's child dattels did you say [TS]

  kumquat a comma or whatever but who will [TS]

  call cops say what could you call me [TS]

  becca boo boo I we did we had a birthday [TS]

  and you know when I said to her would [TS]

  you like to go to the museum or to the [TS]

  zoo or to a a wide open park and she [TS]

  said no I would like to go to the family [TS]

  fun center which is a place here in [TS]

  Seattle that is kind of like being [TS]

  inside a pachinko game oh no is it like [TS]

  a Charles E Cheese it's it's worse it's [TS]

  Thursday Dave's and busters it's like [TS]

  the airport at in Reno know for kids it [TS]

  teaches them how to use slot machines it [TS]

  teaches them overstimulation center it's [TS]

  just like beaming nobody imagines me and [TS]

  but there are also rides like inside [TS]

  rides things that you know those things [TS]

  that take you up high and then drop you [TS]

  down but it's all inside a giant box [TS]

  okay and there's a pizza parlor and if [TS]

  you and when you're playing these arcade [TS]

  games it it rewards you in tickets and [TS]

  then you take the tickets over the [TS]

  counter and you buy a rubber fish or [TS]

  something yeah a rubber fish and then [TS]

  outdoor outdoors there's a miniature [TS]

  golf there's some big big rides and then [TS]

  gas powered go-karts oh my goodness and [TS]

  so she wanted to go I was like I really [TS]

  don't want to you know like we're trying [TS]

  to be we're trying to be good parents [TS]

  we're trying to present ourselves as [TS]

  parents that read the read you stories [TS]

  at night about the you know the Jewish [TS]

  Diaspora we're not trying to be parents [TS]

  that are like we're having a birthday [TS]

  party at you know at the Reno Airport [TS]

  and so all of the moms [TS]

  who go to our sort of a pas de take the [TS]

  places where there's a surpassing number [TS]

  of people vaping yeah oh my god you know [TS]

  her birthday party is at a now a venue [TS]

  where there are police officers [TS]

  stationed well you know well I will come [TS]

  back to this but there's there's the [TS]

  rumor was that there there are rashes of [TS]

  fights that happen at charles e cheeses [TS]

  there's been some research that doesn't [TS]

  exactly prove that but these family fun [TS]

  centers are not always fun for the [TS]

  family let alone near the center boy [TS]

  I'll say all the reason did they serve [TS]

  alcohol at the family fun center at this [TS]

  fun least remember I do not know okay [TS]

  I'm not sure you know I but you notice [TS]

  any any too much adult grab-ass going on [TS]

  Oh plenty plenty of adult grab-ass I [TS]

  mean they're they're cops not only [TS]

  parked out front with their like gang [TS]

  cars they're blacked out gang cars but [TS]

  there are like cops just leaning against [TS]

  the wall in there just like hanging out [TS]

  by ms pacman making sure there's no [TS]

  monkey business going on just hanging [TS]

  out yeah and miss back man you know [TS]

  there was no such thing no this was all [TS]

  like throw the ball into the hoop winner [TS]

  what win a plastic foot long walk uh [TS]

  Anna pizza parlor where they served [TS]

  pictures of different fluorescent [TS]

  colored juice you know like drank [TS]

  basically like green drank freeload like [TS]

  purple drank in case you want to get get [TS]

  screwed up or crunk down yeah so for [TS]

  months every time her birthday would [TS]

  come up which it came up all the time [TS]

  because you know it's a major miles the [TS]

  major thing on her horizon beats with [TS]

  Chris Christmas in terms of the looking [TS]

  forward to you and how this will be [TS]

  different this next time exactly a lot [TS]

  so birthday's coming up here so what did [TS]

  we say we were known as it's like the [TS]

  day of my daughter's wedding it really [TS]

  is it's like The Godfather is not [TS]

  allowed to say no she this is where she [TS]

  tries to jam in the most over-the-top [TS]

  nonsensical thing she says when it's my [TS]

  birthday next time yeah yeah yeah yeah [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  yeah we're going to get a hundred [TS]

  thousand pallets of strawberries and [TS]

  yeah i remember my senior year the [TS]

  anchorage daily news sent a reporter and [TS]

  a photographer to document our senior [TS]

  class all the way through the year and [TS]

  so they showed up at the beginning of [TS]

  this the this our senior year and they [TS]

  picked a half a dozen seniors that they [TS]

  were going to follow all year long and [TS]

  document you know what happened and i [TS]

  was one of the seniors and one of the [TS]

  other seniors was sort of that like the [TS]

  head cheerleader and the night of our [TS]

  prom scene senior ball at two o'clock in [TS]

  the morning I had to go to work because [TS]

  I was a VJ on Anchorage's of course you [TS]

  know music television station catch-22 [TS]

  and so you know that the photographer [TS]

  and the reporter one of the things they [TS]

  did that night was they you know cuz i'm [TS]

  there at the dance and then after the [TS]

  dance go to a big party my date and i [TS]

  are there you know kiss under the [TS]

  mistletoe or whatever you do want to [TS]

  senior ball and then i was like sorry [TS]

  I've got to go to work which at the time [TS]

  seemed very baller right very like I've [TS]

  got to go to work at the TV station [TS]

  sorry gotta gotta bail on your little [TS]

  high school party and so there's a [TS]

  picture of me in the in the newspaper in [TS]

  my tuxedo like clocking in to my job [TS]

  where there was no one else right I ran [TS]

  that TV station all by myself in the [TS]

  middle of the night so quadruple e cool [TS]

  like oh they just handed over the TV [TS]

  station to the 17 year old but the girl [TS]

  that was the head cheerleader her mother [TS]

  on the night of the prom where she's [TS]

  getting dressed in some kind of thing [TS]

  from the top of a wedding cake you know [TS]

  like it's like Anna and Elsa but [TS]

  bleached completely white who everything [TS]

  right she's getting dressed up I don't [TS]

  know she had a tiara but almost and her [TS]

  mother says to the reporters after her [TS]

  wedding day tonight is the most [TS]

  important [TS]

  night of her life so we want to make [TS]

  everything perfect God and that sentence [TS]

  just like just reverberation you knew [TS]

  that was a little bit I can do it was [TS]

  just like wait a minute what who how [TS]

  like the prom no and I don't think that [TS]

  that is such a terrible it's alongside [TS]

  like these are the best years of your [TS]

  life like it's such a terrible message [TS]

  yeah no they are not no not no you need [TS]

  for the opposite it gets better as dan [TS]

  savage says like do not oh my god tell [TS]

  the boss you're in a period now that's [TS]

  like a terrible rounding error in your [TS]

  life that you will actually get over [TS]

  your senior ball yeah no no it's no but [TS]

  I also like to compare it to the wedding [TS]

  how great is that yeah right bo to make [TS]

  a man happy this is your last time to be [TS]

  on a wedding cake by herself the wedding [TS]

  which is the most important obviously [TS]

  and the thing is I think that my pet and [TS]

  and this girl who at the time was um you [TS]

  know she was a figure of fascination to [TS]

  me because she was in that other world [TS]

  right she's the head cheerleader shit [TS]

  this is the 80s so her bangs went up [TS]

  like the cliffs of Dover up above her [TS]

  head and were sprayed up into her hair [TS]

  was just this phoenicia dead like that [TS]

  front hair muffin thing we're kind of [TS]

  cascades over oh yeah her senior [TS]

  photographed her hair is bigger than the [TS]

  rest of her huh and you know and she [TS]

  hadn't even her name was a name that [TS]

  suggested a kind of like bubbly [TS]

  vivacious you know go get her person and [TS]

  so she was both a figure of fascination [TS]

  and you know and somebody that I was [TS]

  like Ike I stole her license plate at [TS]

  what she had a personalized license [TS]

  plate on here and I just go boys her [TS]

  name it was her name God and I and I and [TS]

  I put the license plate on the wall of [TS]

  my room in a point place of pride and [TS]

  she would she would come to me with her [TS]

  like gang of seven girls and say I want [TS]

  my license playback I know you have it [TS]

  and I would stand there in my like smug [TS]

  tortoiseshell glasses proto asshole [TS]

  if you like listen listen I don't you've [TS]

  got the wrong information she's like I [TS]

  know you are my license plate on the [TS]

  wallet room I've heard it from multiple [TS]

  anyway I eventually gave her her to [TS]

  license plate back because how you talk [TS]

  to it at the end of the year at the end [TS]

  of the year I repaid all debts today is [TS]

  a day where I repay all that oh you [TS]

  settle all the family's business slot [TS]

  Chi mm-hmm uh and so I went around I [TS]

  gave I gave a girl Moe green I gave a [TS]

  girl a two hundred dollars in one dollar [TS]

  bills like two fat stacks of one dollar [TS]

  bills because I owed her I owed her [TS]

  something and I was like and I said you [TS]

  know I can oh and I put it inside of a [TS]

  VHS cassette tape case so accurate so [TS]

  where'd you put so much work into this [TS]

  yeah well I got a little present for you [TS]

  know and everything I money back then [TS]

  well fuck it was a huge amount of money [TS]

  but I was settling all scores because I [TS]

  was leaked I was out of there I was [TS]

  leaving Alaska and I wanted everybody [TS]

  you know you get your license plate back [TS]

  here's two hundred dollars in a in a VHS [TS]

  you know like here's your bicycle back I [TS]

  was going around I was a terrible [TS]

  terrible terrible teenager to my peers [TS]

  right and so I had a lot of debts to [TS]

  repay yeah I actually went over to a [TS]

  friend's house and like a sheetrock and [TS]

  spackled a hole that I had made in the [TS]

  wall of his living room oh my goodness i [TS]

  had a lot of stuff to do i had a lot of [TS]

  debts to repay Wow every once in a while [TS]

  i'll post something on the internet some [TS]

  picture of me from high school and i'll [TS]

  get three or four comments from people [TS]

  that i knew in high school that are just [TS]

  like fuck you you would such a bit he [TS]

  made my list still suck you really now [TS]

  that I see that picture of you that old [TS]

  face of you I remember how much I [TS]

  despise you but anyway so this girl has [TS]

  become a good friend of mine she lives [TS]

  here in Seattle she's incredibly a [TS]

  cheerleader yeah no kidding yeah yeah [TS]

  she's one of those people that turn that [TS]

  that remained like really vivacious and [TS]

  she's incredibly supportive like [TS]

  everybody that she knew [TS]

  act then she's rooting for them you know [TS]

  that's not the outcome I was hoping for [TS]

  I hate to say no I feel ya you you [TS]

  thought she was gonna get some kind of [TS]

  like comeuppance but in fact she like [TS]

  she lives in bellevue she's I thought [TS]

  she'd end up doing meth in a Ford Escort [TS]

  no she's a she's a she's like she comes [TS]

  to long winters shows and it's not her [TS]

  miliar right like she's really reaching [TS]

  out yeah her husband works at Microsoft [TS]

  they live in a big house they're very [TS]

  they go to vacation in Arizona or [TS]

  whatever but she comes and she is like [TS]

  she's not only like at the show but [TS]

  she's also spreading the word of how [TS]

  good it is to all of the people that [TS]

  inner high school it's like really [TS]

  delightful what a nice person she turned [TS]

  into and I also turned into a nice [TS]

  person so what do you know hmm right [TS]

  like the niceness got on us somehow and [TS]

  can't shake it which which step is the [TS]

  amends somewhere let's see let's see [TS]

  over alcohol and and my life had become [TS]

  unmanageable then believe that the power [TS]

  grid myself could restore me steps at [TS]

  nine yeah nine all the way out there you [TS]

  got to make a list mm-hmm of all the [TS]

  people and then go around make amends to [TS]

  them a step 8 you make a list of people [TS]

  who are harm step 9 you make direct [TS]

  amends step step 10 you don't talk about [TS]

  Fight Club direct amends where possible [TS]

  except i went to do so would injure them [TS]

  or others yes speak and they needed to [TS]

  put that in there because think about it [TS]

  some people don't want to be amended [TS]

  that's right and all the asshole uh all [TS]

  the asshole alcoholics who are nine [TS]

  steps into their recovery are like you [TS]

  know what I'm gonna go to my fucking ex [TS]

  girlfriend and I'm gonna make amends to [TS]

  her whether she likes it or not I'm [TS]

  gonna mend the shit out of this that's [TS]

  right you know this is a good excuse to [TS]

  go back to that place that I was [TS]

  permanently barred from and make amends [TS]

  and they and that restraining order [TS]

  won't apply because I'm making amends [TS]

  that's right there's an asterisk on [TS]

  every restraining order that's right [TS]

  sorry it's not how it works keep Europe [TS]

  you know keep your amends pop you know [TS]

  what you were getting into [TS]

  you went with me you knew you knew what [TS]

  I was like when you went with me you [TS]

  went with me did you go with somebody in [TS]

  high school the going with yours yeah [TS]

  did you go with somebody I exclusively [TS]

  went with a one person well no I'm a [TS]

  serial monogamist I never dated but [TS]

  basically to me a date in retrospect is [TS]

  just an unsuccessful long-term [TS]

  relationship mm-hmm I never I mean all [TS]

  of all every date I ever had was a [TS]

  shitshow by going back to like seventh [TS]

  grade and being a military school and [TS]

  going to the cotillion with Elaine [TS]

  poorly hello hello Cora lane uh did you [TS]

  add time that night oh god yes but we're [TS]

  using a sword re wearing a sorcerers now [TS]

  that's just that's just the I think the [TS]

  company guy Don gets a sword I didn't [TS]

  get that no no but I had a [TS]

  double-breasted navy blue suit with [TS]

  patches and my rank which is a seaman [TS]

  navigator FEMEN am i might have been i [TS]

  might have been a petty officer 3rd [TS]

  class at that point mmm yeah i drink [TS]

  quickly i move quickly through through [TS]

  through the ranks was this like the [TS]

  movie taps as discussed previously i [TS]

  always had a lot of problems with pretty [TS]

  much every military school movie in [TS]

  terms of like some aspect that they got [TS]

  incredibly wrong because on the one hand [TS]

  the school that I went to was not a [TS]

  strictly a punishment school it was very [TS]

  costly but it was not it is not like the [TS]

  goddamn military school where you send [TS]

  the goddamn you know what's his name kid [TS]

  it was um but it also was not a prep I [TS]

  mean it was a prep school but it wasn't [TS]

  you and I mean like is portrayed in [TS]

  movies it's some combination of a place [TS]

  you send a bad kid like a Donald Trump [TS]

  to get straightened out right boys for [TS]

  rigid military includes a via my junior [TS]

  yeah and it wasn't really either those [TS]

  but it was very it was very military I [TS]

  mean in the sense that like you didn't [TS]

  get to have any kind of fucking Tom [TS]

  Cruise haircut when you were there like [TS]

  you had to get your hair cut and you had [TS]

  to like you had to shine your shoes and [TS]

  you know like the proper way you [TS]

  couldn't cheat you couldn't like you [TS]

  know put but uh what's that stuff we [TS]

  used to use shine and glow you like [TS]

  couldn't fake it yet the really shine [TS]

  your shoes you to clean your [TS]

  room every morning you know I was on [TS]

  drill team so I marched even more than I [TS]

  needed to so you couldn't sit up in the [TS]

  top floor window like Tom Cruise with an [TS]

  m60 machine gun and shoot at tanks until [TS]

  they blew up you can't go to the top [TS]

  window I don't think until you're at [TS]

  least you're an upperclassman yeah so [TS]

  were there people in your school that [TS]

  fast-tracked into Annapolis um I imagine [TS]

  so I was only there for seventh grade so [TS]

  I but no i mean like look who went there [TS]

  oh I think Ashton Kutcher what's my [TS]

  military school really i think i'm on [TS]

  the page of i think i'm on the page of [TS]

  alumni from this school I will find out [TS]

  he's going to find out admiral farragut [TS]

  academy there's one in there's one in [TS]

  New Jersey oh it's a multi thing and [TS]

  there's one in st. Petersburg okay here [TS]

  we go here's a few CEO Spike Mendelsohn [TS]

  from Top Chef yeah the the singer and [TS]

  songwriter guitarist stephen stills uh [TS]

  really you know I've met and performed [TS]

  with stephen stills according to [TS]

  wikipedia internet personality merlin [TS]

  mann attended at st. Petersburg where he [TS]

  was a member of diplomacy club Oh [TS]

  diplomacy was all true well Lorenzo [TS]

  Lamas Lorenzo Lamas Lorenzo Lamas of [TS]

  course famous alum Lorenzo Lamas uh-huh [TS]

  did you so what happened to a lame that [TS]

  night well here's the thing she just [TS]

  bored or did you spill the soup partner [TS]

  or whatever I mean it was my first like [TS]

  the closest thing to like an actual date [TS]

  that I had been on I was 13 years old [TS]

  and here's the thing so so bad so there [TS]

  was this woman who was the widow of a [TS]

  contributor major contributor to the [TS]

  school she taught dancing lessons and so [TS]

  you would go to dancing lessons in if [TS]

  memory serves it was in the building [TS]

  that was named after her husband he pay [TS]

  forty five dollars 49 dance lessons you [TS]

  get a bunch of dorky boys over here from [TS]

  Admiral Farragut and then they trucked [TS]

  in all of these girls from a different [TS]

  private school it was it was a total [TS]

  racket oh and there were dance classes [TS]

  and so you would go in dance classes and [TS]

  you learn you learn how to disco dance [TS]

  you learn how to waltz you know you had [TS]

  to like touch a girl and dance was [TS]

  horrifying yeah and this culminated [TS]

  and it is all like preparation first of [TS]

  all I'd padded this lady's purse quite [TS]

  night first quite nicely but then you [TS]

  end up going to the cotillion so the [TS]

  cotillion you wear your dress blues you [TS]

  know the girls got a fancy dress and a [TS]

  croissant her wrist and elaine was [TS]

  probably i got a picture here somewhere [TS]

  elaine was probably a good six inches [TS]

  taller than me I don't think she liked [TS]

  me and I I think she really barely [TS]

  suffered through the whole night she was [TS]

  a good sport but like I was not a good [TS]

  person to be on a date with and and how [TS]

  were you paired you ask him you know [TS]

  back in dance class usually I see I see [TS]

  and so was she did she appeal to you [TS]

  yeah I mean I thought she was really [TS]

  cute she was like she was a tall slender [TS]

  you know Chinese American Girl and there [TS]

  was there's another girl in the class [TS]

  that I was desperately attracted to but [TS]

  that was never going to happen she wore [TS]

  like you know white jeans and one of [TS]

  those little like double belts not white [TS]

  jeans and a double-double belt the loop [TS]

  around belt no I was pretty hot look in [TS]

  1979 yeah was it was uh it was it was a [TS]

  little bit like yeah it's not vacation [TS]

  Elaine ended up being somewhat [TS]

  prototypical of my type in some ways [TS]

  like a slender or awkward bookish mmm no [TS]

  I mean it wasn't it wasn't terrible and [TS]

  ended okay there wasn't any like kissing [TS]

  or anything there's no graphics as you [TS]

  say none yeah did you know the first six [TS]

  girls that I made it with all had red [TS]

  hair and I didn't miss any oxygen [TS]

  history John well it I didn't notice it [TS]

  until uh until one day I was sitting [TS]

  reflecting and said wait a minute you're [TS]

  kidding I have only ever been with girls [TS]

  with red hair I was like but that's not [TS]

  even that's not even it wasn't like red [TS]

  haired girls were not who I would have [TS]

  identified that's not your wheelhouse my [TS]

  type right up unit like a small sturdy [TS]

  Jewess in combat boots if memory serves [TS]

  mm-hmm sturdy cheers uh you know like [TS]

  ready to go I like a like [TS]

  a little Jewish or little dark-haired [TS]

  girl right she can be a jolly good site [TS]

  you good sized nose like a latin girl or [TS]

  a you know Mediterranean girl Semitic [TS]

  girl yes ready to go right ready to [TS]

  climb a fence I'm intense and she's got [TS]

  the right shoes yep and you know and she [TS]

  knows her way around a pistol mm-hmm [TS]

  because she is a pistol as my dad would [TS]

  say she's little that's terrific alert [TS]

  she's a boy she's a pistol uh but that [TS]

  gal but red hair my you know my first [TS]

  girlfriend had hair like an Irish setter [TS]

  and then it was just like Reza Reza [TS]

  through the doctor yeah okay Oh in we [TS]

  don't we stop mentioning her name right [TS]

  cuz cuz people her yeah we stopped [TS]

  mentioning her name somebody sent me any [TS]

  email or text when they said it's unah [TS]

  Twitter look at the link to her bio it [TS]

  Princeton well she's fine she's even [TS]

  she'll be fine cheeky she walks around [TS]

  with a retinue of security officers [TS]

  that's a good idea she sent me a text [TS]

  and she said do you still have the pink [TS]

  leopard spot tuxedo that my mother made [TS]

  for you out of my father's wedding the [TS]

  suit that we wore to the junior prom Oh [TS]

  her mother made us matching outfits at [TS]

  our request we went to a fabric store [TS]

  she and I because this is the type of [TS]

  thing what you do in high school in [TS]

  Anchorage go to the fabric store her and [TS]

  we found pink leopard spot satin there [TS]

  and and my date and I bought a big role [TS]

  of it and took it home to her mother who [TS]

  was a seamstress and we said we want our [TS]

  prom outfits made out of this pink satin [TS]

  and so her mother made her strapless [TS]

  ball gown out of black uh you know [TS]

  taffeta and this pink leopard spot and [TS]

  then she took her her husband's wedding [TS]

  suit they'd been married in like [TS]

  nineteen sixty and so he had this he was [TS]

  he was my size a little bit maybe leaner [TS]

  than I was but he had this black thin [TS]

  thin lapel three button cuffed pants you [TS]

  know 1959 wedding suit [TS]

  because they were married in Oklahoma [TS]

  and they didn't have tuxedos there and [TS]

  she put pink taffeta pink pink satin [TS]

  leopard spot on the lapels she covered [TS]

  the buttons she put a stripe down the [TS]

  side of the pan that sounds atrocious [TS]

  she made a cummerbund and a bow tie and [TS]

  a pocket square and like maybe even [TS]

  lined the jacket with this pink pink [TS]

  leopard spot if she says that cows a [TS]

  pistol what a gamer she was a pistol [TS]

  this was nineteen eighty-five like when [TS]

  it was there was none none more black [TS]

  yeah animal prints ran amok in 1980 yes [TS]

  yeah and this was you know like somebody [TS]

  was making this fabric right so the [TS]

  presumption was it was going to get you [TS]

  somewhere yeah anyway so I get a text [TS]

  from my high school girlfriend saying my [TS]

  son is going to junior prom and he would [TS]

  like to wear your suit turn turn turn my [TS]

  own father's wedding suit which was then [TS]

  turned into your junior prom suit which [TS]

  you she's asking me if I still have it [TS]

  not only do I still have it i can still [TS]

  wear it oh come on you said i'll of [TS]

  course you stuck out of here John [TS]

  Roderick yeah and I warrant you to carry [TS]

  that through all of your moments in your [TS]

  20s I wore it to shawna nelson's wedding [TS]

  wow I where'd all you know not all the [TS]

  time but I would wear it to those events [TS]

  where I was like you've got to come [TS]

  correct to this event and I'm like oh do [TS]

  you mean come correct like this perhaps [TS]

  perchance did you see did you expect [TS]

  this no one expects the fucking pink [TS]

  leopard spot Inquisition oh so I'm [TS]

  packaging this up i still have it and [TS]

  all its accoutrements all of the pocket [TS]

  square and the and the cummerbund and so [TS]

  forth and i'm sending it off to the to [TS]

  the northeast where this young man the [TS]

  16 year old second son is going to wear [TS]

  it to his prom my god and then he's a [TS]

  he's going to send it back to me and [TS]

  then I'm I guess when my daughter is [TS]

  ready for her problem I'm gonna ask I'm [TS]

  gonna ask my my good friend to send her [TS]

  dress [TS]

  to me oh my goodness and it will just go [TS]

  and then we will die but the suit and [TS]

  dress will continue to go from coast to [TS]

  coast ad infinitum this is suddenly [TS]

  strangely touching that's amazing yeah [TS]

  we're sending it back to you I think [TS]

  it's very interesting i'm surprised she [TS]

  wouldn't keep it for her own collection [TS]

  well you know the thing is that her [TS]

  father actually is is dying right now oh [TS]

  god and i thought that he there down in [TS]

  central oregon i thought i would go down [TS]

  and visit him um Todd but then I [TS]

  remembered that he despised me okay the [TS]

  one thing that he would say to me [TS]

  whenever I would come over to the house [TS]

  which was all the time because she was [TS]

  my girlfriend I would come in and he [TS]

  would he would he had a chick you know [TS]

  he had a chair like every adult man in [TS]

  that era right like that's dad's chair [TS]

  right and he'd be sitting in his chair [TS]

  watching the McGill Larrabee's these [TS]

  kids today don't understand like and he [TS]

  dad dad had a chair and he would say as [TS]

  I would walk in the entryway I'd be [TS]

  kicking the snow off my boots and he [TS]

  would say don't let the doorknob hit you [TS]

  in the ass on the way out he'd be [TS]

  sitting in the chair when he said that [TS]

  he said Jeremy I would go and then I [TS]

  would because it was a split-level house [TS]

  because every house in Anchorage is a [TS]

  split-level house I would just take the [TS]

  down I would take the stairs down I [TS]

  would I would not take the stairs up his [TS]

  mom or her mom loved me they had a [TS]

  wiener dog and the wiener dog was [TS]

  terrified of wire hangers I don't want [TS]

  to get into that that's the whole second [TS]

  was the original owner of the wiener dog [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah the wiener dog just hated [TS]

  wire hangers and the we saw motor they [TS]

  were used for punishment at some point [TS]

  no no not at all there they were these [TS]

  were lovely people okay but but my uh my [TS]

  girlfriend's mother was a kind of boy [TS]

  she was a pistol she really was a piss I [TS]

  cows this line oh but you know she also [TS]

  sheet she so she was a seamstress she [TS]

  was a seamstress but also had been a [TS]

  reporter before she was married she was [TS]

  a journalist but she had a devilish [TS]

  streak and she loved the wiener dog but [TS]

  she would also sometimes just for [TS]

  amusement take like four wire hangers [TS]

  out of the closet just rattle them yeah [TS]

  they're dogwood oh boy run around [TS]

  hide under the couch it was hilarious [TS]

  lots of laughs torturing animals then it [TS]

  was before we realized animals had [TS]

  feelings I would do that I play a [TS]

  harmonica to make my dog car I he just [TS]

  got all dogs hate harmonicas uh-huh it [TS]

  was funny Oh mr. his head like this he [TS]

  go hmm keep his head turn like this and [TS]

  go home we have the blues mm-hmm sure [TS]

  did uh yeah you know when you're coming [TS]

  into your last what may be your last [TS]

  days yeah you shouldn't go burn too much [TS]

  that guy's time yeah just be down like [TS]

  hey how are you John I guess about you [TS]

  like especially like don't don't start [TS]

  showing up like twice a day right [TS]

  remember me yes yeah exactly I can ask [TS]

  them but no I assume that she'll send me [TS]

  the suit bag because uh because the suit [TS]

  in the hands of a 16 year old is you [TS]

  know I was a sixteen-year-old it was [TS]

  fairly like already sentimental enough [TS]

  to know like this is my prom suit I am [TS]

  going to keep this I'm going to wear it [TS]

  but I'm gonna wear it I'm not gonna like [TS]

  this is not a suit that I'm gonna bleed [TS]

  in look at y'all popping wheelies no [TS]

  I've got suits I'm gonna bleed in this [TS]

  is not and if you've made that [TS]

  distinction though you know you're gonna [TS]

  bleed you know you're gonna have suits [TS]

  and you say this across this line you [TS]

  know you do not cross yeah I have [TS]

  definitely taken suits that be that over [TS]

  the course of a night went from a nice [TS]

  suit that I was wearing a suit you know [TS]

  to being a suit that could not be [TS]

  recovered like it to the usually blood [TS]

  it could not be it was blood and it was [TS]

  you know just like Matt Matt well yes [TS]

  sure banner that turned into an organic [TS]

  matter I mean there was certainly blood [TS]

  on suits that could be dry cleaned out [TS]

  but there were also suits that could not [TS]

  be saved yeah about how upsetting to [TS]

  people oops some people right but I were [TS]

  like yeah like you look just [TS]

  I ain't brown stain on abdomen can [TS]

  disturb me yeah just or splatter even [TS]

  worse like what outright happened but um [TS]

  but you know I think generally when [TS]

  you're getting ready to go out at night [TS]

  in most cases if you're gonna get blood [TS]

  on your suit you have a premonition [TS]

  about it as you're getting dressed right [TS]

  like you're thinking here's what I'm [TS]

  going to this event oh you you think you [TS]

  may be a smell trouble yeah you're not [TS]

  gonna put on a white suit for instance [TS]

  if you think that maybe you're gonna get [TS]

  it's gonna get you know rough and tumble [TS]

  so you put on a suit that you're like [TS]

  you know what it's a suit coat if the [TS]

  suit gets blown up yeah yeah but I don't [TS]

  know her son well enough to know if he [TS]

  feels that way and so him retaining the [TS]

  suit in through the rest of his teen [TS]

  years he might wear to some college [TS]

  fraternity party and get blood on the [TS]

  suit and that's you know like uh that's [TS]

  not a thing that I'm prepared to risk [TS]

  but if he wears it his prom it remains a [TS]

  seat of fascination to him I will keep [TS]

  the suit again meticulously and then [TS]

  when he is in middle age if he's like [TS]

  hey my my former bandmate is getting [TS]

  married I need a suit for the wedding [TS]

  can I have the suit yeah then of course [TS]

  I will transfer ownership of the suit [TS]

  tan cuz he you sense to he what he would [TS]

  understand you don't don't bleed in this [TS]

  it will also be his prom suit as well as [TS]

  mine and it's his grandfather's wedding [TS]

  suit mm-hmm and it passed through this [TS]

  Creek euless crazy it passed through [TS]

  this crazy story on its way to him but I [TS]

  need to see a little bit of sign that [TS]

  this kid's got the got the maturity to [TS]

  handle that story cuz that's a fucking [TS]

  head story you know yeah not not every [TS]

  kid is ready for a leopard skin prompt [TS]

  suit well I'm not everybody's ready to [TS]

  inherit that story mm-hmm no now you're [TS]

  part of the legacy now yeah there are a [TS]

  lot of stories that you know that that [TS]

  you hand over to some young person and [TS]

  go and now you inherit the story and you [TS]

  can cut a salami with your hands oblate [TS]

  I don't think so no you don't you you're [TS]

  not gonna do that was bit [TS]

  to the wind this is the watch that your [TS]

  father your father carried in his anus [TS]

  throughout the Hanoi Hilton yeah you [TS]

  know you hand that watch over to some [TS]

  kid the kids like takes it to a pawn [TS]

  shop and get some cash to go to the best [TS]

  little whorehouse in Texas or working on [TS]

  the counter you send us a little of the [TS]

  european girl go back and get it yeah [TS]

  exactly you can't you know and then [TS]

  Johnny Fontane is going to the bathroom [TS]

  mm-hmm I mean the whole thing it could [TS]

  have gone a lot of it just to show i'm [TS]

  not a hard-hearted man she was the best [TS]

  piece of ass I ever had yeah it's not [TS]

  it's not a it's a chopper baby you know [TS]

  what I mean it's a chopper zeds dead [TS]

  baby admiral farragut academy perhaps [TS]

  most notable for graduating two of the [TS]

  12 men who walked on the moon you're [TS]

  into this alan sharp are you kidding [TS]

  alan shepard but pieces are being alan [TS]

  shepard how many of these academies work [TS]

  there the two is started in New Jersey [TS]

  and then transmogrified down into st. [TS]

  Pete I think st. Pete is the only extant [TS]

  one at this point you guys get Alan [TS]

  Shepard and you got ya Charles Duke 1972 [TS]

  became the tenth person to walk on the [TS]

  moon as part of Apollo 16 yeah Chuck [TS]

  Duke of 16 Chuck Duke you got William [TS]

  colpa who defected to the Nazis in World [TS]

  War two uh let's see you got Richard [TS]

  mark Marcinko author and former [TS]

  commanding officer of US naval Navy SEAL [TS]

  Team two still came to ya we get Casper [TS]

  Robert Van Dien who was in starship [TS]

  troopers okay all right so not actually [TS]

  in the military but but well I mean you [TS]

  know it would kapiti work she could come [TS]

  in descending order Alan Shepard is the [TS]

  first famous alumni I'm the penultimate [TS]

  one you know I was the only one below me [TS]

  is philanthropist and business leader f [TS]

  Chris Nelson philanthropist and business [TS]

  leader F Chris Nelson now see he's [TS]

  almost no see no no I don't know him you [TS]

  got to oh look at this you've got [TS]

  animator Andy Andy lucky went there and [TS]

  be lucky and he lucky famous animator [TS]

  famous animator yeah the rest is I'm not [TS]

  so sure about singer and actor Eduardo [TS]

  adoni mm-hmm [TS]

  he's a singer and an actor I you know I [TS]

  repla stephen stills so if this well see [TS]

  you're in the show business yeah but if [TS]

  this uh if the I asked you if the school [TS]

  is a pipeline to Annapolis and I'm [TS]

  beginning to think hell yes it I think [TS]

  it was yeah you know yeah ship is only [TS]

  as good as its captain alan shepard [TS]

  didn't like didn't come from like a like [TS]

  Tampa community college Allen's Oxford [TS]

  no he wanted what's the one in New [TS]

  Jersey Alan Shepard hails from Derry New [TS]

  Hampshire mmm Dairy Dairy you know that [TS]

  he ban on nine th on yeah yeah yeah I [TS]

  remember no I celebrated his entire [TS]

  catalog um I I I think Derry New [TS]

  Hampshire was probably one of those [TS]

  towns that was named during a time when [TS]

  you named a town aspirationally okay [TS]

  like you know when you named a town like [TS]

  gold strike right or like you know [TS]

  silver vein Nevada okay sure and and and [TS]

  lamp sure at the time good schools [TS]

  Florida yeah good schools good school [TS]

  Florida what is that town in Florida [TS]

  that's called like Jubilee or oh yeah [TS]

  Jubilee or no yeah Jubilees the the fake [TS]

  community right yeah like freaky town [TS]

  freaky town floor yes the places it's [TS]

  like this is a Disney ish community yeah [TS]

  yeah yeah Disney but maybe Christian tea [TS]

  yeah tubidy new hampshire new hampshire [TS]

  that was uh that was like that was the [TS]

  aspirate like what are we gonna name our [TS]

  town what is it dary isn't that in [TS]

  Ireland oh well how's it spelled de rry [TS]

  o'deary I thought it was spelled dai ry [TS]

  we're gonna try and attract some retiree [TS]

  cows yeah or just like hey come to our [TS]

  town we have milk butter t'en right [TS]

  butter two milks burger and it's not you [TS]

  know this isn't a gold rush per se no [TS]

  but cheese never goes out of style [TS]

  that's true that's the new cat shirts [TS]

  looking right like a silver veins gonna [TS]

  run dry though the load is [TS]

  driving a calm cheesehead yeah the old [TS]

  man of the cheese Rock I heard fell off [TS]

  then part of the old man fall off of the [TS]

  old man of cheese Rock though he fall [TS]

  off his eyebrows fellow New Hampshire [TS]

  rock face rock face uh I'm sure he's the [TS]

  old man of the mountain known as your [TS]

  rocks bitch made the right faces fell [TS]

  off he's still on the quarter but his [TS]

  face slid off the cliff today were you [TS]

  where the old man I see I I had a lady [TS]

  friend one of my serial monogamy was [TS]

  with a woman from contoocook New [TS]

  Hampshire so she's one who taught me [TS]

  about the old man of the mountain oh [TS]

  this is really sad old man on the rock [TS]

  face and that old man is me uh go ahead [TS]

  go ahead caller yes I'll marry longtime [TS]

  listener first-time stone face yeah it's [TS]

  complicated cuz you know you want to [TS]

  name something it's like when you name a [TS]

  kid it's very very complicated stuff [TS]

  because then you know you want one does [TS]

  not really good through this and so much [TS]

  exactly like so many things in life it [TS]

  doesn't really happen until it happens [TS]

  yeah cuz what happens it really really [TS]

  happens it does they stand there and [TS]

  they say what's the name of this child I [TS]

  have to write it on this piece of paper [TS]

  exactly well this is you know it's the [TS]

  same way that that all the best you know [TS]

  experts on what to do with a child or [TS]

  people who have never had a child you [TS]

  know they know it all but when you said [TS]

  that I do not leave the hospital with my [TS]

  child until I told them the name of the [TS]

  child see that's the government that's [TS]

  the guy that is that true not really [TS]

  isn't thing too is that a hoop I'm sorry [TS]

  I apologize isn't that the Semitic law [TS]

  isn't there a thing like you can't name [TS]

  it you can't name it you're not supposed [TS]

  to name a kid before it's born cuz [TS]

  that's big fat Jewish luck right they [TS]

  don't have a name in a certain number of [TS]

  days or you gotta return it is that how [TS]

  it works you have to name a child before [TS]

  you roll a set of dice okay it's like [TS]

  it's like a nominal saving throw yeah [TS]

  right like you're not when he cited [TS]

  dreidel and if it comes up Kentucky you [TS]

  get all the gab don't look out a window [TS]

  after sunset okay before you name the [TS]

  child unless you light a candle and [TS]

  drink a cup of milk [TS]

  I think that's right in the Torah yep [TS]

  yep yep yep it's why they don't eat [TS]

  shrimp hmm presented pussies Morrissey's [TS]

  haha um so what ya what name is hard we [TS]

  went around and around and I tried to be [TS]

  scientific about it and so I came up [TS]

  with my first pick for name was the name [TS]

  that I had somewhat arbitrarily decided [TS]

  was the best name because it's a pretty [TS]

  neutral name but best of all it is a [TS]

  name from which many many names could be [TS]

  derived if you have a preference over [TS]

  the Prime name ilysm Elizabeth don't [TS]

  tell you this no but Elizabeth is the [TS]

  ultimate girls name because he can call [TS]

  her hey good for me yeah that was my [TS]

  first pick out a second he's got Beth [TS]

  you could be uh you you could hopefully [TS]

  be practically anything yeah Beth you [TS]

  can be Liz you can be you know my cousin [TS]

  her name is Elizabeth we call her Libby [TS]

  oh maybe you could be a Betty but here's [TS]

  the thing and this is the way it works [TS]

  when you have a partner it got nixed for [TS]

  one reason and it's a good reason have [TS]

  you ever met anybody good named Liz be [TS]

  honest be honest one of the redheads [TS]

  that chisel is that figured in one of [TS]

  these earlier stories that I was telling [TS]

  today uh her name was Lynn okay then [TS]

  I'll just stipulate that maybe not all [TS]

  not all Liz's but I'm just gonna say [TS]

  almost every liz is bad also jonathan [TS]

  coulton sister-in-law who sort of [TS]

  doubles as a sister wife her name is [TS]

  also list okay so not all Liz's but I'm [TS]

  sure says hey listen not all this but my [TS]

  lady friend who you know got at least an [TS]

  equal vote Ecklie had that you know she [TS]

  gets naming rights yeah you're not gonna [TS]

  name a child over the wishes of the [TS]

  mother no no no uh she had been pseudo [TS]

  bullied by Al is in her youth because [TS]

  most Liz's let's be honest most Lissa's [TS]

  are bullies yeah they're a little if you [TS]

  if you're gonna avoid somebody at school [TS]

  and it's a girl because she's gonna beat [TS]

  you up by your locker mmm you know [TS]

  saying live yeah i'ma give you I'm gonna [TS]

  give you three two one so it's a Liz [TS]

  no barrier they're tough moyers I have a [TS]

  soft spot for Morris though so but the [TS]

  thing is the name that you chose for [TS]

  your child is extraordinary it's just [TS]

  it's it's a little bit on trend in a way [TS]

  I didn't precisely realize because of [TS]

  course I went to websites and looked all [TS]

  these things up and she has what i would [TS]

  call an old lady named yeah richer kind [TS]

  of one of the nice ones not like mod or [TS]

  yeah Murgatroyd hers yeah burghdroid [TS]

  emergence book thanks to Murgatroyd even [TS]

  but then when I tell her why I like that [TS]

  name like I kind of fall short oh my god [TS]

  is this this is really good Beal song [TS]

  about a horribly lonely woman and others [TS]

  you know there's the lady in help you [TS]

  know Eleanor Braun and you know zona [TS]

  Roosevelt who kind of look like a statue [TS]

  of a horse but she was a great lady she [TS]

  was great lady there are some there are [TS]

  also some Eleanor's in our larger circle [TS]

  right a couple of our friends named [TS]

  their shot yes yes I share I did not [TS]

  know I did not know speaking of our [TS]

  mutual friend I did not know that he had [TS]

  an Eleanor yeah well and also other [TS]

  Theophilus right yeah that's right but [TS]

  there was another friend uh who is a you [TS]

  know who is a former former religious [TS]

  rock musician what now now secular rock [TS]

  musician who also has a daughter oh come [TS]

  on yeah so i often get in situations [TS]

  really yeah and she's the same age she's [TS]

  do exactly the same age as your to [TS]

  Jonathan that's a pretty name yeah it's [TS]

  a beautiful name but I'm often in [TS]

  situations where i am socializing with [TS]

  one of my friends and the daughter [TS]

  arrives and the thing is all three of [TS]

  these young ladies yours and the one and [TS]

  then the other they're all like among my [TS]

  favorite people in the world right [TS]

  they're all between a you know between [TS]

  eight and ten or we stop and they're [TS]

  just there you know three of my favorite [TS]

  people and so I'm on confronted with a [TS]

  situation where a young lady will walk [TS]

  into the room and I will say to myself [TS]

  Eleanor but can this truly be is you [TS]

  know I second-guess whether or not [TS]

  it's one of the Eleanor's uh sure you're [TS]

  reaching that age yeah well and also [TS]

  because there are a couple of [TS]

  Madeleine's including one Madeline who [TS]

  was named for another prominent Madeline [TS]

  that's it but he also the other problem [TS]

  with being a Madeleine as I have learned [TS]

  is this is something that my uh my [TS]

  friend Marco Arment what does he call it [TS]

  he calls it the snap to grid problem [TS]

  where if you have a name that sounds [TS]

  like a much better known name or if you [TS]

  have a name that sounds like a name [TS]

  that's very familiar to someone else [TS]

  there's a lot of people who have names [TS]

  like me like like I'm always a Marvin or [TS]

  am L or something a track Markham I have [TS]

  an unusual name Madame not my Madeleine [TS]

  for much of her life would get called [TS]

  Natalie really yeah because yeah but [TS]

  that's the snap to grid problem you [TS]

  don't have this because you have you [TS]

  have a canonical name I do I think your [TS]

  names in the Torah I got the shrimp it [TS]

  absolutely is it absolutely is in the [TS]

  Torah it goes all the way back my there [TS]

  was God and then there was uh there was [TS]

  Adam and Eve there was a sooz law [TS]

  Methuselah their Shadrach Meshach [TS]

  Abednego but John was like right up [TS]

  there right after between supremely [TS]

  John's back then is probably really [TS]

  confusing and they say what is the John [TS]

  of which you speak he says John of the [TS]

  the guy used to live near the burning [TS]

  bush like John be John be the guy with [TS]

  the sloop oh good point but I've always [TS]

  been building anything he took any ate [TS]

  up all of my corn that's right that's [TS]

  right know what it means worst trip I've [TS]

  ever been on that really didn't you then [TS]

  he took any ate up all on my corn yeah [TS]

  well what does it mean John when you go [TS]

  out on a sloop you get you get issued a [TS]

  certain amount of course okay so you got [TS]

  a fox yeah Chisholm and this is on me of [TS]

  corn and you gotta cross now how do you [TS]

  how do you do it it's one of the things [TS]

  about being on a sloop and a lot of [TS]

  people haven't been on asleep so they [TS]

  don't know about the corn yeah get on [TS]

  the corn and then you're out for you [TS]

  know you're out for a trip which is what [TS]

  you describe how you describe going on a [TS]

  sloop let's call the trip so so it [TS]

  depends you could be you could have one [TS]

  trip you can have two trips you could be [TS]

  on a three trips yes three trips loop [TS]

  okay and the thing is you only get a [TS]

  certain amount of corn so if someone [TS]

  else eats up all your corn yeah I mean [TS]

  well I think everybody gets if you're [TS]

  gonna start out it's a sort of like yeah [TS]

  when you're learning sailing at em with [TS]

  Farragut you know you start out on a [TS]

  little puffer you work your way up you [TS]

  starting to sleep John a sloop John B is [TS]

  your last chance you go from a pupper to [TS]

  a sloop John a so the poor cook he [TS]

  caught the fits he offended away all my [TS]

  grits see that's what I thought any ate [TS]

  up all of my corn right well how do you [TS]

  make grits your perm unified die totally [TS]

  from herself John bina nobody's gonna [TS]

  freak nobody's gonna say oh it's sloop [TS]

  Bobby B or sloop uh I'm trying to see I [TS]

  can't even do a snap to grid on your [TS]

  name because it's the canonical name [TS]

  well so John B let's say the Sun follow [TS]

  me Jonathan John Barleycorn john [TS]

  barleycorn musta shitty live or die I [TS]

  never remember John John Barleycorn as [TS]

  he was born old well is that exactly [TS]

  that's a Scott McCoy has a song about [TS]

  that alright garlic we must live isn't [TS]

  he referencing a song by the fall I [TS]

  think oh I I think there's something [TS]

  that goes John Barleycorn Maas died I [TS]

  think Scott McCoy he takes it he turns [TS]

  it he makes it into john barleycorn must [TS]

  live yeah John Barleycorn is a way of [TS]

  describing a sour babies okay it's a [TS]

  kind of cockney rhyming slang it's like [TS]

  ooh and you want to see my wife you say [TS]

  John Barleycorn yeah that's right John [TS]

  Barleycorn here they come they're my [TS]

  fiddles and bits ixnay ixnay on the on [TS]

  the X talk on the X sock here comes John [TS]

  Barleycorn the thing is I feel in my [TS]

  life that I'm caught between Eleanor's [TS]

  and Madeline's pelipper speckle with the [TS]

  whole truck yeah well you know it's [TS]

  funny I mistake one for the other in my [TS]

  own house which i think is you know [TS]

  somewhat normal dropping a lot of metal [TS]

  bits these days I got to be honest with [TS]

  you Michael Latta mental bits yeah and [TS]

  but uh but also frequently I'm trying to [TS]

  think which one happens more often is [TS]

  people will refer to my daughter as bad [TS]

  by my wife's name yeah [TS]

  that happens well because yeah right in [TS]

  a way Eleanor seems like an older name [TS]

  in Madeline but you know here's the [TS]

  funny thing now and this is you know [TS]

  this is this is the way the stuff goes [TS]

  you think you're ahead of the game you [TS]

  go and they say oh like show me the [TS]

  rankings in the Social Security charts [TS]

  and show me like you know right but [TS]

  everybody's looking at the same way [TS]

  exactly right Oh suddenly everybody's [TS]

  name Latricia Shawn Trell you know us or [TS]

  our jean-luc morale or any other kind of [TS]

  mushroom based name that that's a very [TS]

  common thing so I think not now here's [TS]

  the funny thing my daughter's class 23 [TS]

  kids three different Aiden's well now [TS]

  let me ask you this of the 23 kids does [TS]

  a single one of them have what we would [TS]

  have described in the 70s and 80s as a [TS]

  normal name oh good question are there [TS]

  any Paul's Peters given our neighborhood [TS]

  mm-hmm he said archly there are I would [TS]

  say it's more common for a boy to have a [TS]

  normal name most of the girls have some [TS]

  kind of a wackadoo name yeah I think its [TS]

  more common you still you still you [TS]

  still get it but like some of them have [TS]

  like I don't say to him I she's not talk [TS]

  about other people's kids but give us a [TS]

  sturdy Irish name for this kid yeah like [TS]

  Sheamus you actually she goes to school [TS]

  to Sheamus yeah and she has a shame if [TS]

  she has a Kian she has just lots of like [TS]

  Irish kids with big faces they're the [TS]

  best yeah because they're their father [TS]

  works at the fire station that's right [TS]

  then taking all the factories down the [TS]

  graduations hang on the wall that's [TS]

  right that's right a bit if it weren't [TS]

  for the nibs being so good at building [TS]

  ships we'd still have the funny Hedwig [TS]

  Xiwen bubbles has a hoppin your horn [TS]

  must live yes there are some I mean I [TS]

  don't want you know this is an old bit [TS]

  of mine and I've got to stop doing it [TS]

  because it's like a tattoo like once [TS]

  you've named your kid even if it's a [TS]

  stupid fucking dumb name like that's the [TS]

  kid to kid and that's their name and [TS]

  gather broke it you want to make fun of [TS]

  the parents for like making a name that [TS]

  you have to spell this is my main thing [TS]

  and I we were a little bit you know ours [TS]

  requires a little bit of spilling if you [TS]

  aren't familiar with the name but it's [TS]

  not that hard but a name that you like a [TS]

  good Jennifer like or something like I [TS]

  namely [TS]

  like have to spell like robbie rist [TS]

  right like I look like a robber tryst [TS]

  with 2 w's right right right are my [TS]

  daughter's name has a name that has [TS]

  three spellings yes and so we've got a [TS]

  snap to grid problem because it's very [TS]

  close to like for example Dan's [TS]

  daughter's real name right dan has [TS]

  renamed his daughter after a spider-man [TS]

  character but she does have another name [TS]

  that's very similar to yours yes and [TS]

  also it's very confusing to people who [TS]

  are used to gendered names with a with a [TS]

  vowel with the evidence and fire yeah [TS]

  yeah so so there's sometimes a kind of [TS]

  like do you mean blank instead of blank [TS]

  and then you have to say like no it's [TS]

  sorry it's a different kind of thing [TS]

  it's coming from a different zone [TS]

  shouldn't into george sand well you know [TS]

  I was just sitting here thinking what [TS]

  first of all yes it's an awesome name [TS]

  for a little girl just neighbor George [TS]

  Sand well I could have named her [TS]

  mcgeorge which is I think one of the [TS]

  great name george bundy mcgeorge right [TS]

  George mcgeorge sounds a little bit like [TS]

  a little got a little curious george [TS]

  vibe to it what about latouche latouche [TS]

  that's that's different from Lagrange [TS]

  now if you had twins latouche in [TS]

  LaGrange would be adorable and now i [TS]

  wanna be a mistaken what I am wondering [TS]

  is what's the who when was the last time [TS]

  you met a Meredith I have I know [TS]

  Meredith she works at Genentech she is [TS]

  the no x specialist of a guy that you [TS]

  know is Genentech a genetics technical [TS]

  company bing aha they're big they're big [TS]

  thank you can't get one past me [TS]

  Genentech Genentech King what if you [TS]

  tamed it what if you named a little girl [TS]

  Genentech call heavy adorable right [TS]

  except spelt at j e a me2 do here's I [TS]

  usually ask it so look like immensely [TS]

  imagine the names Janine and teach you [TS]

  Janine and teach but you're hyphenated [TS]

  and [TS]

  you do man the people car genentech yeah [TS]

  it's pronounced you doing it it's from [TS]

  the french haha contact my daughter [TS]

  Genentech Genentech yeah but then like [TS]

  so you have like Bernstein Bernstein [TS]

  yeah sure wells which is the first bear [TS]

  the Torah John why is it such a big deal [TS]

  to beastie nurse Stein why I honest [TS]

  question as they say on twitter honest [TS]

  honest question what was it was that a [TS]

  big deal I get it I take that I feel [TS]

  like that's more than just here's how my [TS]

  name is pronounced is there soon like [TS]

  peculiarly jewy about making sure it's [TS]

  pronounced a certain way like you don't [TS]

  want it to sound over [TS]

  want it to sound over [TS]

  medic or under Semitic well this is a [TS]

  very very very good question that has [TS]

  never really been posed to me even [TS]

  though it is so you've seen it though [TS]

  right well it's it's it's absolutely [TS]

  like why do they not put a dot on the [TS]

  top of USB cables that says this is the [TS]

  top sort of like the diaeresis when New [TS]

  Yorker says coordinating coordinator [TS]

  coordinating cumin it lubed herb I feel [TS]

  like that the knowing what I know which [TS]

  is not very much I'm gonna say that the [TS]

  Steen Stein pronunciation thing is [TS]

  either an austro-hungarian versus like [TS]

  Prussian thing mon I did not have that [TS]

  in my bracket good right or it is a UH [TS]

  it is a coming from the east like Russia [TS]

  Belarus arrays you ain't Ukraine's I'll [TS]

  Ukraine thing right where it comes in [TS]

  and then the assimilated germanized Jews [TS]

  had a one-way MMA or it may be I don't [TS]

  think it's an Ellis Island thing I think [TS]

  it I think it's before that but this is [TS]

  a great question and I bet you one of [TS]

  our listeners is going to say one way or [TS]

  the other something definitive well hear [TS]

  a voice coming up from the well actually [TS]

  yeah someone is gonna something's gonna [TS]

  say here's the simple explanation for [TS]

  this but I've never heard it explained [TS]

  and it always is a question right die [TS]

  norstein comes from the German meaning [TS]

  stone or rock right get Stein you also [TS]

  got what height is head right right like [TS]

  einheit that I died right einheit me do [TS]

  one head you've got the die toten hosen [TS]

  die toten huh so which means the the [TS]

  pantyhose of death okay he's a cat but [TS]

  yeah kappa right was real you've got [TS]

  what are some other ones there some [TS]

  other oh you know what you got your wife [TS]

  he got vice and got what's the other one [TS]

  I was the opposite of Vice you've got uh [TS]

  shoot shoes shoes [TS]

  shoosh shoes you got should shuts shit [TS]

  novotel vices white oh I know this I [TS]

  know this oh it's killing me what is [TS]

  black in German oh it's a short Schwartz [TS]

  Schwartz and Weiss shorts and white [TS]

  short shorts and white stick yeah hey [TS]

  jay ellis island yeah wold love all [TS]

  walls is forest oh really bald um so the [TS]

  black forest is the Schwarzwald man [TS]

  Germans a crazy language but it is cool [TS]

  that you can mostly figure out what it [TS]

  means what is ver moch mean I mean I [TS]

  know I know what would it represent that [TS]

  means that the regular German army as [TS]

  they say right yeah was the word mean [TS]

  but I'm just looking up I guess yeah I [TS]

  guess mocked means uh Michelle Michelle [TS]

  ya mean so they make 10 copies make war [TS]

  i bet it means make war o ver moch very [TS]

  locked i'll bet to make it may make [TS]

  their make their mock shall not shall [TS]

  make war i like that if there's not a if [TS]

  there's not a German word for make war [TS]

  i'm going to eat the hat that I'm [TS]

  looking at right now this is thats a [TS]

  hoot the hat says chick magnet on it I'm [TS]

  gonna eat it if there's not a German [TS]

  which can make more their mock I'm sure [TS]

  you've been hearing about it have you [TS]

  had a chance to look at the Luftwaffe [TS]

  Luftwaffe air lift his air yeah like a [TS]

  like a loof balloon it's the woof gang [TS]

  of the air okay waffa waffa means i [TS]

  don't well i don't know what waffen [TS]

  loose lufthansa is x that means the last [TS]

  heist as long as you don't get caught [TS]

  mmm oh right Samuel Jackson's want to [TS]

  screw that one a black people don't know [TS]

  he's the one that screwed that up you [TS]

  know it's called a Royale with cheese [TS]

  mm-hmm oh yeah right yeah make [TS]

  Americanos really didn't move fast he [TS]

  didn't have to move faster uh did she [TS]

  have you had a chance are you aware of [TS]

  the recently released out of translation [TS]

  the new book blitzed you certainly have [TS]

  heard about this book yes yeah but I'm [TS]

  but I'm not aware of the i'm not aware [TS]

  the exactly so why don't you [TS]

  me the love this it's so it's so [TS]

  desperately on the nose for our program [TS]

  that we should probably just cut this [TS]

  out I would just leave it at this if you [TS]

  have the long opportunity you should [TS]

  check out a book called blitzed it's [TS]

  about the use and abuse systematically [TS]

  of drugs in the Third Reich and then [TS]

  with special regard to the drugs that [TS]

  Hitler specifically got from his crazy [TS]

  personal physician oh yeah and in this [TS]

  in the short term if you just want a [TS]

  shorty i'll send you link to a good [TS]

  fresh air interview with the author but [TS]

  basically they're giving their giving [TS]

  the army uh math twice a day and they [TS]

  could they fight for like a week without [TS]

  sleeping give your army meth twice day [TS]

  this is an adage this is a German adage [TS]

  on how to say it in German it's a [TS]

  Benjamin Franklin said it here you get [TS]

  ready met twice today if you don't know [TS]

  what it's for they will bring a present [TS]

  pretty small you speaking of which you [TS]

  know the French forget you know they [TS]

  were issued a wine red wine yeah wine [TS]

  and mushrooms and that just goes to show [TS]

  that this is a set that guide the beard [TS]

  from Miami but you have tired mushrooms [TS]

  you're not going to you're not going to [TS]

  blitzkrieg on wine and mushrooms of you [TS]

  know what I'm saying you're not even you [TS]

  you're not even gonna be a little [TS]

  defense a wall zut alors no ya know you [TS]

  took he took any ate up all my corn the [TS]

  thing is the Germans actually have a [TS]

  holiday we've talked about before called [TS]

  shits infest which is just shooting vest [TS]

  it's just respectful where they shoot [TS]

  shoot it's a holiday you get it out you [TS]

  gettin off school yeah it's a tattoo [TS]

  based holiday is there a business is [TS]

  there really are a lot of 2 based [TS]

  holidays there and a lot of beer ho ho [TS]

  well you know you gotta you gotta dance [TS]

  with the one that brung you one of the [TS]

  interesting things about Germany is of [TS]

  course it was the it was the you know [TS]

  the cradle of the Reformation and so [TS]

  really Merlin there are two germanys [TS]

  there's Catholic Germany and there's [TS]

  Protestant Germany still and you really [TS]

  isn't yeah and as you because of course [TS]

  there wasn't to Germany right there [TS]

  wasn't really there was a [TS]

  twentieth-century thing or late [TS]

  19th century thing right now pretty much [TS]

  let's call it a 20th century thing [TS]

  because there was a pressure right up [TS]

  until you know right up until nineteen [TS]

  twenty when I was playing diplomacy at [TS]

  admiral farragut academy there was all [TS]

  broken up into different parts World War [TS]

  one yeah sure pressure pressure pressure [TS]

  pressure austro-hungary so Germany is [TS]

  really a modern conflation but the thing [TS]

  is all these little provinces and do [TS]

  cheese and Margrave eighths and you know [TS]

  like bishoprics they all as the [TS]

  Reformation went percolating through the [TS]

  German little little pockets and little [TS]

  castles basically everywhere there was a [TS]

  castle there was somebody up on the top [TS]

  of the castle and that person controlled [TS]

  a certain amount of land around them and [TS]

  some had big land and some had small [TS]

  land but here comes the Reformation [TS]

  perking through like coffee through [TS]

  grounds and this castle guy says I [TS]

  believe yes I'm gonna I'm gonna go with [TS]

  these 90 plus species and I'm going to [TS]

  I'm gonna say like leaving the church [TS]

  behind I'm gonna have a direct [TS]

  connection with the with my Lord and [TS]

  Savior and then the castle next door [TS]

  says he'll know we won't go say nine [TS]

  yeah they say Nick and they stay with [TS]

  the with the ll popo mm-hmm in el Romo [TS]

  and for a while there of course in a be [TS]

  honest yeah having young back up back up [TS]

  Pope yeah all made an saloni danza sur [TS]

  sur sur la so loose sand salalah mayor [TS]

  right Percy small [TS]

  hi okay [TS]