Ep. 232: “The Going-With Years”
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this episode of rock on the line is
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brought to you by Casper Casper is an
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hello hi John hi Marilyn
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how's it going mm come a little bit sick
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yeah you have a sore throat right yeah
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but now it's not a sort of wheaton oh
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the chocolate croissant
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okay he's gone dolorous i'm a little
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dollar at all don't be dolorous come on
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you know it's a little bit everything
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no no no no dollar oh I spy was up very
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it's a long story so the day before this
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is the place for a long story
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this is the home you look forward to
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this this is this is your eyes is your
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it's a long story place pine em so I
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years ago when i moved into my house the
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people that had fixed it up
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I've talked about this they did it did a
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yeah maybe something they made some
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pretty weird decisions that did not have
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the long view in mind
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that's right yeah they didn't think to
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put in a monk hole but maybe some weird
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like recessed lighting or something like
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there's no fireman's pole oh come on
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yeah how about your bookshelves mean
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when you move your bookshelf for you you
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pull back the head on your Shakespeare
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their switches is there anything that
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that affords you uh an unseen location
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not a one how do not put that at the top
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of the way but that's not true there are
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two hidden doors but here's the thing if
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you're if you're gonna I mean if you're
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gonna make changes to your house you
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really should begin by making sure that
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you have cool hidden panels doorways and
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tunnels that it's not everything you do
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after that the wiring the plumbing where
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you put the new half bath it's all gonna
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be governed by where the corridors are
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because you got new corridors now Percy
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when you that's one of the things that
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infuriates me the most about quantum of
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solace or whatever the fuck that movie
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was mr. my colon yeah where they've got
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their he's got this beautiful house in
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the middle of nowhere and he's got this
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a tunnel next to the fireplace and it
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goes down in with this amazing warren of
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escape rooms and then its never fully
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covered in the movie but you go out a
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tunnel and then it just sort of appears
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in the yard and there's no like it
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because it's like a big field for ya
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easily spotted well that yeah right it
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it just goes out into the septic field
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but also it's never clear in the movie
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like they never show the last hundred
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yards like you get down they there's a
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scene where they go down and then there
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in the very night the the what it looks
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yeah and then the next shot is a bit of
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a of them or him for poking his head up
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out of the grass like a like a good
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grass or is it a shed I might be
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completing this with another movie I
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don't think there's a shed I think he
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just pops up in the middle of the grass
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is really poorly thought out but there's
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no door or anything there's no you know
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that's a hundred yards or more 300 yards
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he's really out there in the yard right
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it's a long way to go and and my
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question is obviously is that whole is
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that whole distance like a like a stone
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lined quarter that you can stand up in
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and then you get to the end and they're
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just like a little it's like you push
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some grass a party it was like a matter
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of yes it feels like a metaphor you put
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all this care into the tunnel that
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didn't need to be that nice and the end
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we ended you could at least have like
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say like a look at you get Hogan's
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Heroes where where like the dog in the
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dog house goes up ahead
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Boop mi been labelled LeBeau see your
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god that's a really good point if you
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yeah or a well or a chapel or some other
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thing that you pop out you don't just
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pop out in the graph somewhere an easy
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yeah exactly you know the snipers
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pointed at the house all the sniper has
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to do is just turn hundred eighty
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anyway so that so my house was equipped
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with what is described at the hardware
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store as decorator switches which are
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switches light switches that are both
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ok they don't look like white switches
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they look like something else and there
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they were dimmer switches just like the
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Stella we got the theater lighting
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mhm those are very satisfying hit no the
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world they don't the thing is these
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don't even have a clique because they
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are touch-sensitive yeah so you put your
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hand on it and you roll your fingers up
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at like you're on some kind of like
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you're playing an eighties keyboard and
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you have like a sensitivity string a
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four-dimensional switch
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yeah it's like it there but they don't
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work so you walk in the house and you're
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like lights on and the lights like they
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sometimes don't respond to your touch
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they sometimes respect you know they
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sometimes go all the way on and then all
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the way off immediately like a beautiful
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woman that's so frustrating jen well so
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when I first moved in I was like this
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will not stand and I took two of them
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normal what what are they look like
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lights which is normal like looking
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switches but they are dimmers right so
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you move the little lever instead of
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going flick and the light is on you move
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the little lever and the light goes off
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i thought that was a good you know like
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dimmers have their place and I found a
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thousand-watt switches which wow big
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switches at the time with these dinners
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on them and I put them in
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well the other day that was ten years
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ago when I bought this house the other
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day I walked in the kitchen i turned the
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dimmer down almost all the way to the
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bottom and the switch went
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oh no and I was like 20 no so I set
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can I get it to do it again you know
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that's the number one thing you do when
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you get to replicate the air
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yeah and yes you can get it to do it
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in fact it every time now and so and
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then the room smelled with the smell of
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smoke like that smell in the nineteen
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seventies when you put too much ice in a
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oh you get there look at that engine
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working hard smell I don't like that so
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no it's bad it's really bad when it's
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coming from your light switches yes so I
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said this is a bad this is particularly
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bad because the dimmer is the thing that
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you're gonna you're gonna put all the
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way down and somebody's going to do it
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and walk away and this thing is going to
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be sitting there shorting that's going
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to start firing the wall so I was like I
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gotta do something about this
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immediately i'm sick i don't want to do
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anything it's cold i went to the
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hardware store they don't sell thousand
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watts which is anymore
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the guy at the hardware store was like
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what there's never been such a thing as
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they always do at a hardware store where
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did you get these alternate fax them
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that's right and I'm like I bottom here
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at this very hardware store 10 years ago
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yeah 10 years itself what's the life
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expectancy on these things if this look
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at me and can remember things I
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supposedly but yeah yeah that's right
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ok anyway so i bought some new switches
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and then I figured you know what I'm
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just gonna change all the switches in
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the house because that's the kind of
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thinker i am well you're thinking big
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BYE MOM mass so i bought a bunch of
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switches and then I'm sitting in the
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house to change in all these switches
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and I'm a little bit of a you know I'm
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little lackadaisical so so I'm i made an
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error one point and I caused because
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no it's not good so I'm sorry I should
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have asked you this earlier there's all
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kinds of things in my house that I keep
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meaning to fix and a lot of my put off
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because they only got to shut off the
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power before i do anything that is your
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power off while your monkey in with the
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the arcing switches yeah the powers off
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but I turned I went down like I had I
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had things wired and I was like I should
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go down turn power on and test that
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everything works but I hadn't zip them
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back i hadn't slipped them all back into
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the wall and a couple of things were
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hanging out of the wall and they touched
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one another and ground themselves out
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stupid rookie mistake but in the course
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of it I'll i fried one of my new parts
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so i had to go back to the part where
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store God dignity is one of these days I
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mean I didn't have to tell them what I
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done but it was just like oh yeah it
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turns out i need another one of these
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yeah i was so good this one more of them
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yeah so I got them all in the house it
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works a lot better I / 10 years I've
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been living with these switches that I
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just hated everybody hated them
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it was like coming into my house and
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turning on the lights was not just an
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intelligence test but it was an
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intelligence test that you that give you
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a different route result every time a
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yeah so people would come in and maybe
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you know they reach out to the light
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switch I think a lot a lot of the people
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that would you know guests in my home
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would just leave the lights off because
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they didn't wanna they didn't even want
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to deal with the interface but now I
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have normal-looking switches that do
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normal replicable things nothing
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shorting out but in the process of
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I had the doors of the house open both
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front and back door because i'm running
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and then a late at night because I i'm
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up late right now these days
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oh I'm lying in bed and a mouse runs by
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oh no i've never had a mouse in my hand
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it's cold outside right now it's cold
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outside so the mouse says I come in here
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mhm left the back door open and the
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mouse is like super cool and so I've
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just I've just created a whole other
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problem never had a map I mean you know
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there's mice and then there's my
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surround these toys in the attic
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yeah but I never a mouse in the house so
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now now I've got like hopefully a mouse
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it's probably our mouse bounty and grace
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probably a ranger and explorer you know
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he said some sense of boys out to go
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like check things out this is good place
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to have some ice and ice
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mhm get in there check it out come back
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and tell us and then I closed the door
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and he was like huh who
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but I you know I mean a mouse can get a
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so you're already up late already might
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have liked but didn't either the mouse
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kind of compounded the yeah i'm laying
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around and thinking about this mouse
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instead of instead of sleeping anyway so
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that's where i'm at that God is still in
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there as far as you know as well yeah I
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mean I didn't tell him to leave
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yeah i think i have to dispatch him
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yeah I I don't like the trend Beyonce if
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I had my druthers I would even have
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power windows in a car because in my
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head I know this is 30 40 year old
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information but power windows to me
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where we met and talked about this what
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if you go into a river was going to a
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river shirt need now you need a special
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tool to not die in a car
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yeah you need the window breaking to it
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makes it makes the doors very heavy
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because you have to have an engine
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another you have to have and in engines
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in your doors to make the windows go up
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and down engines on your door engines in
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aim not loving that also you know it's
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another one of these things in this this
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was before cars got good they're all
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these problems were like the rich guy
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stuff that you would put in a rich guy
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we're all pretty consistently the stuff
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that broke first yep it's so like if you
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have an AC delco am/fm radio in your GM
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car you know if you still have that car
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I better than one part that still works
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is the am FM radio with the chunk
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buttons on any blow it out to program it
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fuck you you're pulling out to set it
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chunk chunk you listen to Q 105 it Tunes
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perfectly flawlessly every time that
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doesn't sound great but you know what
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you're 50 year old radios probably still
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the at least one window on a car would
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usually break it was still be heavy but
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now you didn't have a window that worked
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yeah you know all that kind of stuff
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used to just like even to this day like
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our last car we had had manual windows
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we had the least costly version of our
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particular model of car that was
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available and it was fine
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yeah it was totally fine but then you
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get into your house and their stuff but
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there's a trick it's keeped I don't like
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the stuff where it's cute to turn a
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you don't have a you don't have a nest I
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don't have a nest my house is too old
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for nest i do have a lot of smart lights
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i won't take you down this particular k
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hole but IMA heartlight yeah we could
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we're just just like let's not go all
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the way down the k-hole let's just dip
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into the cable duct tape a little
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alright what is a smart like I just want
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to get I want to get one thing out cuz
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it's on my mind I'm gonna get because
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you have two bits of related stuff here
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that are totally unrelated and yet
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completely related imma let you finish
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thank you thank you up your Kanye in
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that case that was economy around we
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struggle with mornings sometimes
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oh yes I don't think we are unique in
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this regard we struggled with a
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multivariate struggle with mornings
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there are many small things about
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mornings they're difficult the primary
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driver of a morning being tough is that
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we have a kid who has to be at school at
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a certain time and ideally she will have
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ok for lunch she has to have homework in
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she has to not have like hermione
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granger hair like she's got like look
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presentable she's got to be clean
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she has to have brush teeth and I'm
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sorry I'm gonna bring it up again she's
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got it she's got your shoes
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there's a lot to do it sounds like well
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you know an hour she like it would be
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enough time but I don't know if you
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struggle with this shoot socks and shoes
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are where it all falls apart
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ok I feel like again I I'm okay I'm just
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gonna say this i really feel like the
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whole thing needed to move to earlier
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all adjustments we need to add 20 to 30
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minutes in front of everything because
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as a retired project manager I'm sure to
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tell you there are many things that are
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not being accounted for and there are
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enough things that aren't accounted for
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that by the time you get the shoes and
◼
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socks everyone's crying so you're saying
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you need to wake up a half hour earlier
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lots we've done we've got a whole thing
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this is relates to to your light switch
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problem and then I'm about to make an
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analogy about my child being like a
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theater lighting light switch but also
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to do is sleep because i started going
◼
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to bed earlier in order to get up
◼
►
earlier in order to be more helpful in
◼
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the morning and to not just be the
◼
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person assistant whatever you know you
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►
guys should really do this earlier like
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how much you fucking help out so I'm
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trying to help out more
◼
►
earlier to cascading chain and I feel
◼
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like I'm gonna see I'm the only one that
◼
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understands this but i feel like if i
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have this knowledge in my bones in a way
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that my daughter does not which is that
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like if you don't go to bed earlier if
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you keep reading Lemony Snicket until
◼
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ten o'clock like god bless you how do
◼
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you tell you to stop reading
◼
►
I mean how do you tell you to stop
◼
►
reading Lemony Snicket and you know yeah
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absolutely it's you know it that's my
◼
►
dream my I you know I'm I I wouldn't get
◼
►
fuck all with how it turned out if she's
◼
►
healthy great if she learns to like
◼
►
music and likes reading i'm done i'm
◼
►
ready to retire but that's all i care
◼
►
about is wanting to read it's like a one
◼
►
of my very few like super selfish things
◼
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is I hope my kid likes to read and
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that's all she likes to do is read which
◼
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is great so you know I don't be that guy
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but if you go to bed at ten and you're
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gonna be getting up at six anymore
◼
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because you're a kid and you need more
◼
►
sleep and it means you get up and you're
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tired and now the toast is getting
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pushed out later the toast pushes out
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the reading because she's got read in
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the morning before school she pushes
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that out and we're pushing pushing
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these four minutes until like we're at
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the drop-dead leave the house time and
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that's when the hair brushing and
◼
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toothbrush because now comes the tears
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and as I said to her today I've been
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cleverly put clock on her
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I'm better we gave her a watch i
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purchased three new clocks for the house
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►
because it's going to be all about
◼
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clocks you know i'm i'm turning into
◼
►
kind of a martinet about this clocks and
◼
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watches clocks and watches and so I said
◼
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to her I says I say look you know it's
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mom and I are here to be your helpful
◼
►
assistance but a point you need to
◼
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become more cognizant about how the time
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yeah it sounds like the the mornings in
◼
►
your house we're going to be like the
◼
►
beginning of a pink floyd song and not
◼
►
now look at it and now i'm going crazy
◼
►
person because i'm running around going
◼
►
okay guess what time it is right now
◼
►
because I on 705 lat 712 means you need
◼
►
to be out the door with shoes and socks
◼
►
you know in this many minutes yeah
◼
►
you're seven minutes behind already so
◼
►
i'm already a crazy person on the other
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►
one thing is over and it's up against is
◼
►
728 worried about 720 more here come
◼
►
more tears and so we had a we had a so
◼
►
we've recently implemented something new
◼
►
which is everybody tries to go to bed
◼
►
earlier everybody gets up earlier dad's
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helping more in the morning which I'm
◼
►
happy to do I mean happy to do but which
◼
►
I think it's important to do but now
◼
►
we've gotten into this thing where like
◼
►
now I'm doing post mortem suppose morta
◼
►
with her oh wow you're you're talking
◼
►
about talking about it after school now
◼
►
oh no this is like this is like this is
◼
►
like what went wrong with the with the
◼
►
mercury launch like everything ok with
◼
►
going to school or do you do it like we
◼
►
have like eight hours later the insane
◼
►
part is like you know we she has friends
◼
►
who live outside of town that like it
◼
►
takes them 20 25 minutes without saying
◼
►
too much i will just say that we are
◼
►
very close to our daughter school we can
◼
►
walk there at a pace that will not have
◼
►
us out of breath in less than 10 minutes
◼
►
it's manic there's no reason to ever be
◼
►
late for school but because it takes so
◼
►
little time to walk to school you can
◼
►
sure you push it to the limit you get a
◼
►
little loosey-goosey ok so here's me
◼
►
this morning this is my mercury mercury
◼
►
of this morning with my daughter I said
◼
►
you know what we didn't count for I said
◼
►
we didn't account for socks and that's
◼
►
how we lost yesterday we were out at
◼
►
730 now everything is the Sox the
◼
►
difference between seven-thirty and 732
◼
►
is all the difference in the world did
◼
►
you get that first but you didn't get
◼
►
out and we got the new program we're not
◼
►
getting out for not out at seven-thirty
◼
►
we have failed mercury is down
◼
►
yeah okay this is the you know we went
◼
►
and saw the hidden figures we both love
◼
►
this movie so you know we're talking a
◼
►
lot about john kennedy and astronauts
◼
►
and stuff and anyway everything every
◼
►
family should talk about that especially
◼
►
in the morning so today I felt kind of
◼
►
predict this morning but I was really
◼
►
like i was i was really heavy on the
◼
►
clock she's got a new watch on showing
◼
►
how the lightworks can get very excited
◼
►
to wear watch the school and and so you
◼
►
know i'm walking around in my underpants
◼
►
yeah but how many minutes after seven if
◼
►
it so on the one hand i'm really tired
◼
►
cuz i got five hours of sleep because
◼
►
the new program is slow to launch but
◼
►
here's the other thing about your lights
◼
►
which is that the difference between a
◼
►
traditional light switch and what you
◼
►
had in your house is the difference
◼
►
between your life before a child and
◼
►
your life with a child it used to be you
◼
►
could say for no particular reason i
◼
►
feel it's it's 1152 p.m. and i feel like
◼
►
walking to a light post five blocks from
◼
►
whatever that matter you won't leave the
◼
►
house you leave the house
◼
►
sure if you want to pour a bucket of
◼
►
Gatorade on your head you can just go do
◼
►
that right now belong you just you just
◼
►
you grab your keys in your wallet you
◼
►
may be put on some pants bathrobe you
◼
►
walk out and you just go and you you're
◼
►
going to come anytime you feel like it
◼
►
you just you just move around and then
◼
►
you get to be like John's light switch
◼
►
where it's like I honestly don't know I
◼
►
cannot tell you within Swiss certainty i
◼
►
can tell you within certainty more than
◼
►
plus or minus 20 minutes when we will be
◼
►
able to do anything because there are so
◼
►
many unknown factors and when you're
◼
►
running your goddamn finger along that
◼
►
lady light switch and try to make it
◼
►
same thing the same feeling in this case
◼
►
we didn't account for socks
◼
►
you should not have to deliberate about
◼
►
how long it will take for your lights to
◼
►
come on I've accepted my happy lot in
◼
►
life is that I have to account for socks
◼
►
and minutes but you do kinda pine for
◼
►
the days when you could just walk to a
◼
►
well I have my way of dealing with this
◼
►
Merlin is a very simple hack that i've
◼
►
been using my whole life which is that
◼
►
every clock in my house is 11 minutes
◼
►
fast but who who was that Vince Lombardi
◼
►
did that right already famously set all
◼
►
of his clocks and watches 15 minutes
◼
►
well 15 minutes is too easy because you
◼
►
used to be a prime number
◼
►
yeah you get a job at 15 minutes but 11
◼
►
minutes you forget that it's there 11
◼
►
minutes is just this like number that's
◼
►
very hard for people to throw to just be
◼
►
oh you know roundup you round up way too
◼
►
easy yeah so a and you know and I change
◼
►
the amount that the clocks are off at
◼
►
this was going to be my hack on your
◼
►
hack yeah the way that really work is
◼
►
they're all fast but they're all fast a
◼
►
little different yeah and some sometimes
◼
►
at seven sometimes it's 12 and if you
◼
►
don't have mpr on you're not going to
◼
►
know when they're wrong
◼
►
that's right you and your screws the
◼
►
whole thing out we'll see and I don't
◼
►
have a PR hmm and so everybody's just
◼
►
looking at clocks and I'm and I just I
◼
►
just take the clock at its word and
◼
►
generally were in the car driving and i
◼
►
passed some some clock that a business
◼
►
has thoughtfully put up starts visible
◼
►
yeah I'm like whoa we are plenty of
◼
►
times but i feel myself every morning
◼
►
it's like every morning I go Oh check it
◼
►
out again I never I never remember it
◼
►
because I intentionally don't remember
◼
►
it but if she's wearing a watch to
◼
►
now you've given her some kind of like
◼
►
connection that she can take into the
◼
►
world right watch can't be wrong but
◼
►
she's going to be measuring it against
◼
►
yeah that's true she's not going to sit
◼
►
there in the house and be like oh I
◼
►
believe the house clocks she's gonna go
◼
►
oh there's one thing about this watch
◼
►
though oh my god this is not a precision
◼
►
timepieces John this is something I got
◼
►
off amazon for thirteen dollars and you
◼
►
know it's amazing what kind of watching
◼
►
it for thirteen dollars for a kid today
◼
►
but there is first of all like all
◼
►
most all digital that's an analog and
◼
►
it's got like it's a chronograph like
◼
►
many of these you get the modal buttons
◼
►
for setting things and there's many
◼
►
things to set you ready for this though
◼
►
I'm not even like a super OCD guy but
◼
►
this this is already driving both of us
◼
►
nuts like one hour and having this watch
◼
►
this is driving her nuts which is the
◼
►
the you set the time on the analog and
◼
►
the digital separately so gentle and
◼
►
neither of them is necessarily correct
◼
►
your they're both manually set so you
◼
►
get the watch and take out the box you
◼
►
put it on you say okay what time is it
◼
►
718 okay well you set the the analog 2
◼
►
718 well and then you gotta go and set
◼
►
the digital by the time you set the
◼
►
digital the 718 its already seven
◼
►
nineteen and then sweep second hand is
◼
►
not matching up with the second you
◼
►
gotta do this separately so the whole
◼
►
time she points out this morning the
◼
►
second hands aren't the same on these
◼
►
and I don't know what to say
◼
►
I think it's a $13 chronograph it's not
◼
►
it's not it's not a it's not a Rolex but
◼
►
that would drive me nuts all day at
◼
►
school I'd be looking at the second hand
◼
►
the second-hand sweep second hand on the
◼
►
watch I be looking at the digital
◼
►
seconds and I'd be thinking what fresh
◼
►
yeah what time is it really John there's
◼
►
a clock that i bought for one of the
◼
►
rooms of the house that i liked the look
◼
►
of it you know it looked like one of
◼
►
those old-fashioned diner clocks I would
◼
►
kill for that has been banned from our
◼
►
house and I want one so much why is it
◼
►
ain't tex oh my goodness the aesthetics
◼
►
are unbeautiful I have so much to say
◼
►
about the see this is one last thing
◼
►
about this because this is this is only
◼
►
for us notice must never get back to my
◼
►
okay i have pointed out to my partner
◼
►
that we need to have a clock in the area
◼
►
where the drama begins having clocks in
◼
►
other places has not been working there
◼
►
needs to be a clock in our face at the
◼
►
place where the tears happen now my
◼
►
preference for that would be to get a
◼
►
diner clock like an old-school kitchen
◼
►
clock a school clock you put it here by
◼
►
the pictures in the hallway but you know
◼
►
what i understand that is not
◼
►
aesthetically pleasing
◼
►
I would i want the largest conceivable
◼
►
clock that will fit in that area
◼
►
and I wanted to hang over my daughter
◼
►
like the dark mark III want this to be
◼
►
something she cannot avoid seeing now
◼
►
I'm capitulating buying three about
◼
►
three different clocks from this one and
◼
►
I'm gonna let my wife pick which one she
◼
►
thinks is his least odious but she she
◼
►
has strong opinions about the about the
◼
►
vibe that a clock in parts to a room
◼
►
yeah that she's right if we put it next
◼
►
to all the framed pictures of people
◼
►
it's gonna look weird but always got
◼
►
lots of pictures of the family like it's
◼
►
a nice little area that's very homey and
◼
►
I'm trying to turn it into like a
◼
►
commissary or something by putting a
◼
►
giant clock on the wall and I get why
◼
►
she doesn't want to do that when I just
◼
►
feel like I feel like we need something
◼
►
we need a very large very intimidating
◼
►
tik-tok actually literally makes the
◼
►
noise tick tock clock
◼
►
well here's what's crazy about this one
◼
►
that i bought yeah i bought it i brought
◼
►
it home and I I and I knew when I got it
◼
►
that it was not I could go down to the
◼
►
salvage yard and find some clock from an
◼
►
old school and and should have done but
◼
►
I was at some you know is that some
◼
►
store and I saw this thing and I'm
◼
►
excuse me and it was not expensive and i
◼
►
said yeah you know throw a couple of
◼
►
dollars at this great brought it home
◼
►
and there was a sin it's battery-powered
◼
►
and there was a separate battery for the
◼
►
whoa that was like very very troubling
◼
►
well you absolutely right is a lot of
◼
►
reasons that bothers me
◼
►
well here's the number one reason the
◼
►
only reason really is that the operation
◼
►
of the little hand does not bear on my
◼
►
keeping God you have two clocks and
◼
►
neither of them may be right
◼
►
so that's a recipe for madness yeah the
◼
►
little hand is just he's been around
◼
►
these artisans are some seconds mostly
◼
►
yeah this is what second look like but
◼
►
the clock itself is like tick tick like
◼
►
it's just on its own and I'm and I so
◼
►
every time I look at the clock I'm like
◼
►
mmm this is you are living a lie clock
◼
►
and but I'm kind of you know i like them
◼
►
like what it does to the room it really
◼
►
ties the room together you able to put
◼
►
it out of your mind that did you have to
◼
►
clock in a clock because the clock is in
◼
►
an adjacent space it's not a regular
◼
►
space i don't i don't refer to this
◼
►
clock the clock is visible from the
◼
►
guest bed so it's really a o'clock for
◼
►
the benefit of guests and i'm already
◼
►
fucking with them because it's 11
◼
►
minutes fast so the second is sort of
◼
►
rounding on a second and it's just like
◼
►
if you want to if you're taking your own
◼
►
blood pressure like it is keeping the
◼
►
second would be pretty funny if you
◼
►
changed it like not to wear a minute is
◼
►
90 seconds but you know be great if you
◼
►
change it to wear a minute was like 47
◼
►
so when that wouldn't that make you feel
◼
►
yeah that's it is running faster than it
◼
►
but it wasn't affecting the time and
◼
►
what I imagine is that you're lying
◼
►
there in bed and if you're if you like I
◼
►
would be the type of person that would
◼
►
lay in bed and watch the little head go
◼
►
around em but then the big hand ticks
◼
►
off another minute but the little hand
◼
►
is at like 40 seconds
◼
►
oh my god and be like what what what
◼
►
whoa what just happened
◼
►
oh my god and then it did it repeatedly
◼
►
told her you would yeah you really doubt
◼
►
you talk about gaslighting that's like a
◼
►
black mirrors a choice
◼
►
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so so and I have you know I have the
◼
►
clocks on the stove and the clocks on
◼
►
the microwave and those two because
◼
►
they're right next to each other i'll
◼
►
set the time on one and then I will sit
◼
►
with my finger poised over the other
◼
►
it'sit's in this this is an art because
◼
►
i do not want them to be even four
◼
►
seconds separated and I wait I wait I
◼
►
swim that whole minute watching this pot
◼
►
uh-huh and then but I you know I try and
◼
►
just nail it with the other one because
◼
►
i want those things to be and that's
◼
►
irrelevant and I don't want anything I
◼
►
think the fact that everybody has and I
◼
►
mostly exactly correct clock on their
◼
►
yeah it's that is interesting to me
◼
►
because I mean that is not going to be
◼
►
fair that's canonical source of time I
◼
►
give you know what time it is look at
◼
►
your phone because your phone is
◼
►
actually you know first of all it's a
◼
►
really good time piece like better than
◼
►
most of us could afford on our wrists I
◼
►
imagine and it is you know getting the
◼
►
weather the nuclear time update but i
◼
►
but i don't think people think about
◼
►
this or sweat this stuff as much as our
◼
►
generation did I think about the clocks
◼
►
we had in my elementary school and man I
◼
►
mean the clocks in our school they had a
◼
►
sweep second hand and first of all they
◼
►
were all every clock in the school which
◼
►
can be set remotely every clock in the
◼
►
school was always egg exactly right
◼
►
yeah and what if it was a bell that rang
◼
►
at 1pm it did not start to ring until
◼
►
the clock turned to one o'clock and it
◼
►
did not turn to one o'clock until the
◼
►
second hand shop which one like this
◼
►
talk until that went from 59
◼
►
212like it was not every single clock
◼
►
flawlessly perfect all the time in every
◼
►
room all the time and if it wasn't it
◼
►
would have been really troubling do you
◼
►
remember the last day of eighth grade
◼
►
with was your was your junior high
◼
►
through ninth grader was it did end at
◼
►
80 so seven eight nine ten to twelve oh
◼
►
my god I don't even know what it's like
◼
►
to be one of us junior high and then you
◼
►
have middle school 628 no we didn't have
◼
►
middle school junior high was 78 that's
◼
►
so strange sixth grade was the last
◼
►
grade of elementary spanish is he should
◼
►
be as Shannon 78 @ men 9th grade was
◼
►
freshman in high school as it should be
◼
►
it's certainly the way Europe makes you
◼
►
put your dog in a kennel for like a year
◼
►
alright what is see also cutting trail
◼
►
like it really that's the two years
◼
►
that's a containment facility it really
◼
►
is it really is you are because when
◼
►
your sixth grader you're like nah gah
◼
►
hi you know when the and write about
◼
►
sixth-graders when the girls start to
◼
►
say like um I do you want to go with me
◼
►
yeah oh he's going with her all the
◼
►
goings going to say that going with
◼
►
years and I was like damn her tell you
◼
►
the first time a girl said the girl came
◼
►
up to me because a lot of it isn't do
◼
►
you want to go with me
◼
►
it is do you want to go with her
◼
►
oh yeah you get proxies yeah i'm here as
◼
►
an intermediary who and it was like a
◼
►
small group of girls that approached me
◼
►
on the playground and said let's call
◼
►
her Stacey because that's a name from my
◼
►
nice interactions risk name but do you
◼
►
want to go out do you want to go with
◼
►
stealing girls with a sec do you want to
◼
►
go with Stacy and I was such a child I
◼
►
was like go where and they wrote the
◼
►
collectively rolled their eyes and I
◼
►
yeah just sighed at me and I was like
◼
►
what what what have I done what did i do
◼
►
and even by saying that dumb thing I had
◼
►
sort of like blown my chances with
◼
►
Stacey no but that's not all you can out
◼
►
of yourself as a look because I was like
◼
►
you know I stopped for one second
◼
►
playing like time temp travelers like
◼
►
time traveler space ninja like what go
◼
►
with the red why would I want to go with
◼
►
her but that was also the year that i
◼
►
sat at the Arctic roadrunner
◼
►
oh my god this was the worst moment of
◼
►
my life I so we were doing some kind of
◼
►
theater show and it was me and another
◼
►
friend of mine and Lori basler alright
◼
►
some other species again and the four of
◼
►
us went to the Arctic Road Runner which
◼
►
was the hamburger place that was around
◼
►
the corner from my elementary school
◼
►
which was northstar elementary that
◼
►
you'll notice you'll begin to pick up a
◼
►
theme that everything in Alaska is named
◼
►
after Alaska so get northstar
◼
►
Elementary's telling Los Angeles that's
◼
►
right yeah it's except yeah in Los
◼
►
Angeles every every name of everything
◼
►
is something you've already heard a
◼
►
thousand times from the movies
◼
►
yeah okay like whoa melrose I know what
◼
►
no you don't you just know it from a TV
◼
►
show but the Arctic roadrunner used to
◼
►
only have one location which was on
◼
►
Arctic Boulevard and then they had
◼
►
another location but I thought I found
◼
►
that second location to be non-canonical
◼
►
ok but I went to the Arctic roadrunner
◼
►
with my friend and Lori basler and her
◼
►
friend and this was a very unusual
◼
►
situation we were off campus during
◼
►
school getting a hamburger that we were
◼
►
paying for with our own money
◼
►
it was like a big deal
◼
►
it felt like a scene from Greece and we
◼
►
and I got my hamburger first
◼
►
and I went over to the booze and it's an
◼
►
Arctic rotor is a hamburger joint from
◼
►
the fifties and it looks like the
◼
►
nineteen fifties I walked over and
◼
►
they're here was the booth
◼
►
and I said oh shit what do i do if i sit
◼
►
on one side I won't see what I want is
◼
►
Lori bachelor sit next to me but I'm
◼
►
gonna sit on one side and then tell my
◼
►
friend to sit next to me and or I'm
◼
►
gonna tell my friend to sit across and
◼
►
then that and I just I wasn't sure
◼
►
exactly what to do and i sat down in a
◼
►
booth and my friend sat across from me
◼
►
and I was like okay let's run through
◼
►
scenarios you're doing like between
◼
►
yeah i'm just like how is this gonna
◼
►
play out and then Lori and her friend
◼
►
came and sat in a separate booth
◼
►
together see and I was like what no
◼
►
we're all together with all special
◼
►
arrangements the screws up my right now
◼
►
you can't go on a separate car
◼
►
Tom can you get me off the Sally and so
◼
►
so it was like the whole thing was
◼
►
screwed up and I I mean the only worse
◼
►
scenario would have been that Lori sat
◼
►
next to my friend and her prince that
◼
►
next to me and that's not what happened
◼
►
so it ended up remaining neutral but boy
◼
►
there was a lot of tension there and
◼
►
that is sixth grade to me by the time
◼
►
seventh-grade rolled around people were
◼
►
smoking cigarettes and and getting drunk
◼
►
nacho cheese oh my god this is such as
◼
►
such a narrow aperture yeah that's
◼
►
Alaska but the last day of eighth grade
◼
►
I remember sitting in class and spring
◼
►
in Alaska is one of the great seasons of
◼
►
the world it's the season of the witch
◼
►
alright because spring is just like it
◼
►
winter is so awful and breakup is so
◼
►
awful that when full spring arrives
◼
►
everything blooms it's beautiful out you
◼
►
know the by June this
◼
►
the sun is up in the sky for a long time
◼
►
during the day like it's like Sun Goes
◼
►
Down it ten you know it's it's wonderful
◼
►
and you're still trapped in school it's
◼
►
it's just crazy making the last day of
◼
►
great i still remember watching that
◼
►
tick-tick-tick as it went around and and
◼
►
you know here it comes like it's where
◼
►
one minute out and just watching the
◼
►
teachers to like well summer blah i want
◼
►
you to read this and then just pick and
◼
►
that it hit that Bell and it was like
◼
►
the the ceiling lifted off the world you
◼
►
know I because i was done well done with
◼
►
in addition what you know I was out of
◼
►
this nightmare and I was basically
◼
►
headed to college which was ninth grade
◼
►
which I you know which everyone all
◼
►
through junior high is preparing you for
◼
►
ninth grade like well you know and I
◼
►
don't feel like it anymore
◼
►
that's right when you get over their
◼
►
high school like look out you can't
◼
►
can't keep playing around with food and
◼
►
in it you know i began what would
◼
►
effectively be the last true summer of
◼
►
my childhood and it was all staring at
◼
►
that you that clock that represented the
◼
►
uniformity of school the same clock that
◼
►
had been in every classroom from the
◼
►
time I was in kindergarten
◼
►
just watching this this famous black
◼
►
clock to get down o whenever I whenever
◼
►
I need to you know whenever I'm doing a
◼
►
big-budget hollywood film and they say
◼
►
mhm I just put myself in that in that
◼
►
situation culture sense a sense memory
◼
►
yep yep just stick it down my class used
◼
►
I don't even know if they do kids do
◼
►
they even have a last day of school
◼
►
already like to get into sliding scale
◼
►
it's just optional or something
◼
►
everything's a mess now I mean
◼
►
everything's a mess there's there's no
◼
►
there's nothing to him or anybody
◼
►
anymore that the times change its
◼
►
strange times what you remember this
◼
►
do you remember so it sounds like your
◼
►
clocks were your big black clock was as
◼
►
tough and solid is ours to remember the
◼
►
but do you remember on the Friday the
◼
►
Friday in fall before the friday before
◼
►
the time change right before school let
◼
►
out this amazing moment
◼
►
oh oh my god i just try stills I think I
◼
►
so clearly remember them because these
◼
►
clocks I just I can't say it enough
◼
►
these clocks run impeachable oh you're
◼
►
talking about when they moved remotely
◼
►
one hour at every there was a there was
◼
►
a weird moment when suddenly the clock
◼
►
worcester and then suddenly the little
◼
►
hand and the big hand would start moving
◼
►
oh I do remember and what would happen
◼
►
it would take less than a minute it was
◼
►
like yeah but it was such a strange it
◼
►
was like it would be like somebody
◼
►
resetting the sky it was so it was such
◼
►
a weird moment and I mean maybe I'm
◼
►
thinking about this too much maybe I
◼
►
think about clocks too much i think i
◼
►
think becoming aware of time all let me
◼
►
say this i am Amy very disorganized and
◼
►
very confused person but there's a
◼
►
couple things in my life that may make
◼
►
my life more sensible and made me less
◼
►
stressed out i can tell you two things
◼
►
that have completely changed my game one
◼
►
is always putting my wallet and keys all
◼
►
my pocket things i always put all my
◼
►
pocket things in the same place every
◼
►
day all the time they never go anywhere
◼
►
but that one spot game-changer what is
◼
►
ah what is mine or what's called 0 minus
◼
►
minus a white like a good dish it's sort
◼
►
of like it's costing like it like a
◼
►
plate and a bowl and probably from like
◼
►
an ikea but it's like a flat it's
◼
►
probably can tell you it's about this
◼
►
with of an apple pencil swear it's a
◼
►
flat circle again eight-by-eight
◼
►
McConaughey disk and that's where it
◼
►
goes ok so that's one and talking about
◼
►
you you just didn't have a name oh I i
◼
►
don't know i called the dish dish but
◼
►
like okay that's just 11 of one of those
◼
►
one of the things that has been a change
◼
►
for in and the thing is it's like it's
◼
►
like when you stop smoking and suddenly
◼
►
can understand how anybody ever smoked
◼
►
and like now I like the idea that your
◼
►
keys for example could be anywhere in
◼
►
the entire fucking universe then the
◼
►
yeah the dish and the in the idea that
◼
►
we're but either literally in your
◼
►
pocket or hand while you're using it or
◼
►
in the dish it never goes anywhere else
◼
►
I never put it anywhere else and that
◼
►
has been my bulwark against madness
◼
►
well now let me see this yes II all
◼
►
those things that go in the dish are all
◼
►
outside the house implements so again
◼
►
let you know that will let put
◼
►
differently apart from my phone which
◼
►
may be in my pocket are being charged
◼
►
it's all the stuff that I would never in
◼
►
a million years leave the house without
◼
►
right but they're not things that you
◼
►
use in the house for if you do you have
◼
►
to go to the white dish get your credit
◼
►
card out yet makes the transaction you
◼
►
put it back in the white dish
◼
►
yeah exactly like you know unless
◼
►
somebody has borrowed my two keys on a
◼
►
ring to use as fulcrum for some kind of
◼
►
a thing to make Wolverine pull out of
◼
►
the Barbie house mentioning any names
◼
►
know the keys are always there
◼
►
ok so that's that's the number-one the
◼
►
dish and number two is this came much
◼
►
much much later was learning to realize
◼
►
accept and been anything like that to
◼
►
realize how this is used for me let me
◼
►
learn to real well lots of people can
◼
►
change before they realize what they're
◼
►
trying to change and not always fuck up
◼
►
because they never became aware of what
◼
►
the thing is it's actually wrong
◼
►
yeah they're trying to realize before
◼
►
then that was my relationship with time
◼
►
and like it you know honestly it is it
◼
►
took like five years at a time for me to
◼
►
make a 10-percent increasing realization
◼
►
about how fucked up my sense of time was
◼
►
it wasn't I mean it should have been
◼
►
there should have been a shaman lon
◼
►
thing all the time of me going like wow
◼
►
it's really weird that I never turned
◼
►
it's really weird that I am late for
◼
►
every single thing that I do it never
◼
►
occurred to me that maybe time was the
◼
►
one that was right and I was one of
◼
►
those little screwy I think it really
◼
►
wasn't until college were like there are
◼
►
consequences for you know turning things
◼
►
in late or give a like for every
◼
►
come along no no me and Sam Ilan but
◼
►
without I'm sure well the second thing
◼
►
the second thing was accepting that like
◼
►
let's say let's say you've got a clock
◼
►
that for whatever reason is consistently
◼
►
20 minutes wrong it seems like you could
◼
►
basically fix that what i learned to
◼
►
realign my sense of how long it takes to
◼
►
do fucking everything and I have to and
◼
►
then when I eventually did become a
◼
►
project manager it was even worse
◼
►
because everything is perfectly planned
◼
►
still goes wrong when you're a project
◼
►
manager you get to like be part of the
◼
►
process of deciding how long things take
◼
►
but you don't have that much actual
◼
►
control about how long it actually does
◼
►
take and so what do you do well in my
◼
►
case I learned to always add twenty
◼
►
percent to every aspect of every project
◼
►
and maybe sometimes that would be within
◼
►
the range of okay but that's the
◼
►
number-one the dish and number two the
◼
►
time and so as somebody whose life has
◼
►
benefited as someone who's sanity has
◼
►
improved by addressing realizing
◼
►
addressing those things it is so hard
◼
►
we have been accounted for socks and now
◼
►
it's 732 and like we should never be in
◼
►
this position and I realized why I
◼
►
selling out of my mind I know it's just
◼
►
that every morning I wake up knowing
◼
►
that we're going to be late and don't
◼
►
have that much control over it and I
◼
►
feel like if they just took my to power
◼
►
hacks and put them in place they being
◼
►
my daughter right my perhaps could work
◼
►
but yeah the post-mortem this morning we
◼
►
talked about it which we talked about we
◼
►
had a mercury post-mortem was like you
◼
►
know what we didn't account for socks
◼
►
and then I had to explain the time thing
◼
►
by quoting john kennedy in the film
◼
►
hidden figures and i had to say we go to
◼
►
the moon we choose to go to the moon not
◼
►
because it is easy but because it is
◼
►
oh yes i would say difficult but i think
◼
►
he said hard but I that's the thing and
◼
►
that's the thing with this and this is
◼
►
why if it's 732 we failed mercury is
◼
►
down my shiraki fucking dead for all we
◼
►
know it's it's it's you know it's
◼
►
calibrated with in centimeters
◼
►
it's like if you see the movie hidden
◼
►
figures no it's pretty really you don't
◼
►
see ya i can just say he it's really i
◼
►
thought was really good especially take
◼
►
a kid too but like they're describing
◼
►
like how they're going to have to nail
◼
►
like it's one thing to get the mercury
◼
►
like off the ground that is hard enough
◼
►
yeah getting mercury into orbit and
◼
►
bring it out of orbit and they had some
◼
►
crazy analogy about you know like
◼
►
shooting a shotgun across this many
◼
►
football fields or something like that
◼
►
it's not incredibly complicated to
◼
►
oh yeah well you know i'm spending a lot
◼
►
of time staring at the Saturn five
◼
►
yeah I built the Saturn five
◼
►
model rocket difficult budget uh well
◼
►
shits it was three feet tall house was
◼
►
in SDS it wasn't it was well those were
◼
►
the motors i use I'm sorry but use it
◼
►
but you got like a deal look at the
◼
►
engine rocket I had 40 and collie shit
◼
►
it was a massive massive rocket during
◼
►
my model rockets 44 caliber of s these
◼
►
engines it was a big big operation this
◼
►
thing and i launched it successfully and
◼
►
oh it all it went so high that I mean
◼
►
and this was at a model rocketry event
◼
►
where people were shooting when we were
◼
►
in the giant field lady with with we're
◼
►
at a job that I was spacing interesa
◼
►
you may know me as Saturn 5 is that your
◼
►
handle on the BBS yeah we were we were
◼
►
uh that but still is I have it I have it
◼
►
on the back of my truck in stick-on
◼
►
breaker breaker we were dying filled
◼
►
with no trees around it we just went
◼
►
away people were launching rockets all
◼
►
day and when and catching them as they
◼
►
returned on their giant parachutes this
◼
►
saturday 5 rocket had huge parachutes it
◼
►
went up so high that it went away
◼
►
oh my no one could I couldn't see it
◼
►
anymore no one could see it anymore and
◼
►
then we couldn't we just couldn't see
◼
►
it's like a James Bond local situation
◼
►
where the sky is big and you would have
◼
►
to at some point it has two are not dark
◼
►
but it has two curve over and come back
◼
►
down somewhere something it seems like
◼
►
that it has to blow its it stopped and
◼
►
the parachute comes out and then you run
◼
►
or you get in the car and chase it but
◼
►
it just was gone haha and i spent a lot
◼
►
of time on this rocket and had also like
◼
►
a long time before launching it i
◼
►
completed a long time before launching
◼
►
it and had just had it right
◼
►
found and just would go look at it and
◼
►
caress it tonight scratchbuilt many
◼
►
parts for it and had laborious Lee made
◼
►
it look like a Saturn 5 I mean I mean
◼
►
obviously made out of cardboard but it
◼
►
was a it was something that mattered a
◼
►
lot to me and it just went away i still
◼
►
wonder what happened it was a it was
◼
►
truly a puzzle and the adults agreed
◼
►
that it was a puzzle and everyone was
◼
►
extremely impressed by it it went off
◼
►
like a rocket literally and made a huge
◼
►
noise and what it was just tore ass into
◼
►
the sky and it was a thrilling moment
◼
►
and then it kept going which was also
◼
►
thrilling and then it just kept going
◼
►
and it was like what am i what
◼
►
what now I expected to realize that the
◼
►
universe telling you with that one haha
◼
►
i mean i thought i would retrieve it and
◼
►
launch it again a million times 75 and
◼
►
it definitely like that was the moment
◼
►
that I kind of walked away from the
◼
►
rocket filled with my head held down and
◼
►
people going like it's okay Charlie
◼
►
Brown music playing yeah and you know
◼
►
Mike I was stuck in a tree except it
◼
►
wasn't even in a tree
◼
►
there's no tricky it just because you
◼
►
didn't indicate mean for ya
◼
►
it just went up and up and up and was
◼
►
gone all the ceiling and it wasn't even
◼
►
a thing where that we're email you saw
◼
►
the parachute and it floated off into
◼
►
it just I don't just kept flying it went
◼
►
all the way to have it might still be up
◼
►
there John God wanted it gone so they're
◼
►
short one angel is right beside or five
◼
►
that's right little Saturday Bob and I
◼
►
can only imagine that some kid in some
◼
►
suburban neighborhood some faraway place
◼
►
it was like it was like the Playboy
◼
►
bunny coming in through the window
◼
►
yeah haha oh my god it was like what the
◼
►
75 just landed in my backyard
◼
►
mmm i think they got out at seven thirty
◼
►
one today and cool they can't get out at
◼
►
seven thirty will get enough to leave
◼
►
the house I see I see what you're saying
◼
►
remember the goal of this mercury
◼
►
mission is 730 unique notice that yeah
◼
►
730 is we've left the house
◼
►
it cannot have swept second to 3730 we
◼
►
need to be out of house by seven thirty
◼
►
it's going to explode but you were
◼
►
saying that 732 was already too late but
◼
►
where does 731 well this is so yesterday
◼
►
and so I was running the project but as
◼
►
I say that we didn't account for socks
◼
►
now we've actually found some socks she
◼
►
was not happy with the socks at all
◼
►
hmm she likes to save her old socks i
◼
►
say those socks too small with those
◼
►
wishes has no save them put them in the
◼
►
sewing box so now I'm putting socks in
◼
►
the box but no no mouse in the house let
◼
►
me active yeah when you put the socks in
◼
►
the box what's your long-term plan does
◼
►
she want a quilt made out of them went
◼
►
well the socks in the Box much like the
◼
►
clocks are things that I it's like me
◼
►
explaining molecules that's how I feel I
◼
►
feel like I feel like like like I i just
◼
►
want Stickley I don't actually
◼
►
understand molecules but I feel like I
◼
►
feel like I'm constantly every time i
◼
►
say it's 712 that means you have to get
◼
►
out in eight within 18 minutes before
◼
►
the House explodes I feel like I'm
◼
►
saying I think i'm constantly giving her
◼
►
trouble for what a neutron like how many
◼
►
moles the air-conditioning ways like I
◼
►
feel like I'm going well there's a 300
◼
►
molecules in a bit do because again you
◼
►
keep saying that like you just keep
◼
►
saying these words like you keep saying
◼
►
712 like it's meaningful understand
◼
►
those are all numbers and I'm familiar
◼
►
with like no this represents the passage
◼
►
of time the big black fucking clock is
◼
►
moving all the time I tried to explain
◼
►
molecules to my dad every day and she
◼
►
did that thing where she turned and
◼
►
looked out the window
◼
►
hmm i was like oh did I lose your
◼
►
attention i have where we've gotten to a
◼
►
point i don't know how I let this get to
◼
►
this point we've got to the point where
◼
►
basically my daughter is not paying
◼
►
attention to me or she thinks she's in
◼
►
trouble and that is a needle the disc
◼
►
Mercury program is constantly having to
◼
►
those are the two options for example
◼
►
attention to have the conversation about
◼
►
the new plan the new Mercury plan that
◼
►
we're putting in place
◼
►
this is a conversation we had two
◼
►
afternoons ago and it's been real mellow
◼
►
I was okay just come here for a second
◼
►
look what I don't know just just compare
◼
►
minute like I'm doing dishes I just want
◼
►
to talk to you like four seconds they're
◼
►
I i had to say you're not in trouble and
◼
►
then and then she's bringing her comic
◼
►
god bless her she was going to read your
◼
►
comics talk and say hey look at me
◼
►
let's just talk from which is what and
◼
►
said you're too you're not in trouble I
◼
►
just want to talk to you in a way where
◼
►
you're not picking out the next parks
◼
►
and rec on netflix i want you to come
◼
►
here and I want to talk to you and
◼
►
you're not in trouble
◼
►
I just want to talk about something she
◼
►
says what I said look morning's
◼
►
morning's are becoming stressful you cry
◼
►
a lot in the morning now it's kind of
◼
►
fake cry but like there's no crying in
◼
►
the morning a lot now just to get to
◼
►
this conversation and now she's scared
◼
►
now she's put down our comic books she's
◼
►
gotten a piece of printer paper and a
◼
►
marker and she started to write down
◼
►
what I'm saying oh my goodness really is
◼
►
she doing it a genuinely or she don't
◼
►
you know she misses your head
◼
►
he thinks season and not the thing is I
◼
►
think you can probably guess I'm not
◼
►
like a and a mad angry yelling add like
◼
►
she's pretty rarely in trouble but yet
◼
►
she's so intimidated she brings a piece
◼
►
of paper she starts making a longhand
◼
►
schedule with the title how to make
◼
►
Oh number one is make a sketch but so we
◼
►
really are cut from the same cloth the
◼
►
same as saying something about logistics
◼
►
use a three by five card know she was
◼
►
picked big piece of printer paper
◼
►
well ordinarily she would just grab one
◼
►
of my expensive fresh notebooks right on
◼
►
one page and then that would be how she
◼
►
no no it'sit's the sitting there I'll
◼
►
probably hang on to that because I
◼
►
you don't have to tell you yesterday
◼
►
they got better you know we still we
◼
►
still wrecked my curio yeah but I and
◼
►
then today so again i'm sitting there in
◼
►
my underpants on the steps watching them
◼
►
was like I mean you guys be plus four
◼
►
days is pretty good and like be plus we
◼
►
need p+ like we're leaving we're not
◼
►
late like haha you're not late but
◼
►
you're also not on time
◼
►
oh yeah mercury crashes if you don't
◼
►
leave here at seven by seven tell you
◼
►
gotta get out clock dad daddy isn't
◼
►
crazy things like crazy just organ
◼
►
daddy's gotta play a project plan
◼
►
yes you know my big hack that that
◼
►
differentiates me from everyone else in
◼
►
my family is that I make no assessment
◼
►
of my daughter's costume
◼
►
the only thing I ever say to her about
◼
►
her outfit is you have good style she
◼
►
must take it out herself entirely
◼
►
ok so that must be fun this is the
◼
►
problem with every everyone else in the
◼
►
house which is that for everyone else in
◼
►
the whole family which is that they have
◼
►
opinions about what she's wearing
◼
►
or do you think maybe sometimes they
◼
►
want to like the unintentionally like
◼
►
when a reward her for either being
◼
►
creative or pretty high
◼
►
I feel like at least in the case of her
◼
►
mother her mother has is also someone
◼
►
for whom style and fashion her mother's
◼
►
and her mother's a dish
◼
►
well and you know and like treats her
◼
►
own clothes as as a you know that's the
◼
►
thing she thinks a lot about and yeah
◼
►
does a very good job with and so she has
◼
►
feelings about these costumes and my mom
◼
►
also has feelings about the costumes but
◼
►
all based on practicality like my mouth
◼
►
that's not gonna get the weather is this
◼
►
or this is laid out a day for floor
◼
►
length tulle ya later on to you know
◼
►
later on in the day we have to do this
◼
►
so you need this with that and those
◼
►
shoes don't match with these and my mom
◼
►
hmm and as you know about me style also
◼
►
matters to me but I am a mixed pattern
◼
►
type idea you're kind of a coaster easy
◼
►
costa rican breakfast of a man
◼
►
absolutely just like if you because if
◼
►
you feel like it goes secret sparkly
◼
►
that's right what white soft not about
◼
►
not a problem bring it all in and take
◼
►
the fuck you there's eggs take three
◼
►
kinds of hashing you want white gravy
◼
►
you want sausage gravy or brown gravy
◼
►
yes and yes and is the a.m some dishes
◼
►
just keep them coming
◼
►
my own my latest thing is can I don't
◼
►
want toast or hash browns
◼
►
can I get one pancake
◼
►
well now you have not for people have
◼
►
not eat now with you it is a peculiar
◼
►
joy of eating out with you you to have
◼
►
the come to Jesus discussion with the
◼
►
yeah because I I first I thought you
◼
►
were just being a little silly but like
◼
►
where you actually say and listen I
◼
►
don't want to its kind of Ron Swanson
◼
►
where you going to do something I don't
◼
►
want not what the potatoes give me the
◼
►
extra vegetables or something that we
◼
►
didn't know that to hear anything with
◼
►
you two fingers in the eyes look look
◼
►
right here know if they're used to say
◼
►
that if there are any potatoes brought
◼
►
to the table i will send them back and
◼
►
there will be a problem but don't click
◼
►
don't get potatoes near my food
◼
►
yeah that's right i don't want them I
◼
►
don't you know the whole thing where i'm
◼
►
like i love fruit instead of potatoes
◼
►
and then they bring fruit and potato
◼
►
you'd understand you did in stages you
◼
►
just wrecked mercury no no bring us
◼
►
separately bring another plate start
◼
►
over new table potatoes are gone
◼
►
that's right everybody up we're going to
◼
►
start we're going we're going to come in
◼
►
the door against Miguel ron Hubbard like
◼
►
the master moment you begin to get but
◼
►
but the wonderful thing is ninety-eight
◼
►
percent of the time now when I say no
◼
►
toast no potatoes one pancake the server
◼
►
looks up at the sky doesn't food math
◼
►
and and takes a takes her pan or his pen
◼
►
and taps it to their lip and then says I
◼
►
and there's a moment where it feels like
◼
►
it feels like it feels like it might be
◼
►
yeah it was like you it feels like one
◼
►
of those like okay I want to get rid of
◼
►
some of this money can you give me a ten
◼
►
for two twenties or you know whatever
◼
►
Yeah right there would be the other way
◼
►
with ya tonight yeah exactly cannot get
◼
►
how about no potatoes double steak I
◼
►
want to change I want to change this
◼
►
hundred-dollar bill ok now five twenties
◼
►
and 410 actually let's get rid of
◼
►
somebody and you do you have a paper
◼
►
moon on them but they look up and they
◼
►
think and they picture a plate of toast
◼
►
and a picture hash browns and I think
◼
►
they realize that one pancake is less
◼
►
than but they also less than those so
◼
►
it's a deal in that sense or I mean but
◼
►
I also feel like they have to make the
◼
►
oh really this becomes a kind of like
◼
►
existential breakfast algebra
◼
►
yeah that's right i mean there's there
◼
►
it yes there's the food part are you
◼
►
trying to get away with something but I
◼
►
was like you know what
◼
►
not a fan of making toast I would be
◼
►
totally okay just have somebody else
◼
►
yeah I all have to do now is ring the
◼
►
bell and say pancake I don't have to say
◼
►
here's the order and now I've got to go
◼
►
make less work and easy custom thing to
◼
►
I mean that's less work than giving you
◼
►
a coffee refill that might be a better
◼
►
tip also and so-and-so ninety percent of
◼
►
the time they're like I can do that two
◼
►
percent of the time they say that's
◼
►
going to cost you a dollar which is fine
◼
►
if a dollar i'll pay the fucking dollar
◼
►
yeah but that but the the real twister
◼
►
is are they going to bring that pan care
◼
►
on a separate plate where it belongs
◼
►
we're going to bring that pancake
◼
►
touching said this is what happened
◼
►
yesterday with where the potatoes would
◼
►
have been where exactly so I was like
◼
►
I'll have the pork cutlet with with eggs
◼
►
and she was like done and I said and a
◼
►
pancake no toast no potatoes a pancake
◼
►
and she was like I can do it and then it
◼
►
came on the same plate which isn't a
◼
►
problem exactly except the port Cutler
◼
►
was covered with white gravy
◼
►
yeah i mean the pancake in that case
◼
►
again not that much more effort putting
◼
►
the pancake on its own on a plate would
◼
►
be a lot more fancy well sure but if
◼
►
you're putting syrup on a pancake you
◼
►
know there's going to be a place in the
◼
►
Middle where you've got syrup white
◼
►
gravy and eggs and I was like oh I see
◼
►
I said Emma into this i might be
◼
►
yeah I know I I i see this is why I like
◼
►
a monkey dish I like a separate plate
◼
►
like a monkey i'm not i'm not even that
◼
►
weird about food touching but one of my
◼
►
latest technologies when we go to the
◼
►
diner around the corner you've been to
◼
►
my daughter always get the same thing
◼
►
she always gets the pancakes sausage and
◼
►
scrambled eggs she doesn't meet my new
◼
►
thing is mushroom cheese burger with
◼
►
side monkey dish of white sausage gravy
◼
►
oh hello one wow so now I got I got I
◼
►
got a mushroom cheese burger with
◼
►
yeah and I got a side dish of white
◼
►
sausage gravy so now i can deploy a
◼
►
little dollop of catch up next to the
◼
►
fries a dollop of mayonnaise next to the
◼
►
french fries i'm now deploying three
◼
►
different sauces freely
◼
►
oh my god and you're dipping fries and
◼
►
all three and everything's going in all
◼
►
of them and the burger and all three so
◼
►
you know what you know what you hear
◼
►
what you didn't hear it was me going oh
◼
►
I put a bunch of shit on my burger no no
◼
►
longer it can will be transmogrified
◼
►
into anything if i want to put a french
◼
►
fry on this but i can't i can deploy any
◼
►
of those sauces and in that case the
◼
►
monkey dishes the key
◼
►
yeah we'll see i do this exact thing
◼
►
they're doing i put ketchup on the plate
◼
►
and dip the burger in the catcher
◼
►
because that's the only way that should
◼
►
be the third thought technology you get
◼
►
a dish you think about time and they
◼
►
deploy sauces tactical sauce but then i
◼
►
asked for a couple o jus oh god I gotta
◼
►
start doing that and there's yeah they
◼
►
got a French Dip I don't want that much
◼
►
fucking bread I don't get a french dip
◼
►
but i wish i could get the juice there's
◼
►
there is nothing that you can't dip
◼
►
knows you Sokka french fry knows you
◼
►
that is good but anything I mean you
◼
►
could dip a piece of chocolate cake and
◼
►
a man yeah you take you a mushroom
◼
►
cheese burger it's got some red onion
◼
►
got something made out you dip just just
◼
►
the tip of like you taking a bite and a
◼
►
little tip on the bite Egypt that in
◼
►
a little bit of sausage gravy dip that
◼
►
little to get a little teary sausage
◼
►
this is bananas she's good when you
◼
►
don't have an app that's the this is
◼
►
exactly what this is exactly the kind of
◼
►
like let's put every sauce on it that I
◼
►
that's how i approach dressing
◼
►
ok yes something next pivot and my and
◼
►
muscle my so what I do with with my kid
◼
►
is I make some make some breakfast for
◼
►
her and half the time it's just one egg
◼
►
in a coffee cup which is this point this
◼
►
house have been trying to do too much
◼
►
success it's alec yeah what are you
◼
►
gonna copy come sometimes it's a little
◼
►
bit of granola with with a dollop of
◼
►
yogurt on it like she get that the
◼
►
she's pretty cool about Shelly and
◼
►
actually a hard-boiled egg even which I
◼
►
wouldn't do there you know like a
◼
►
hard-boiled egg not you wouldn't ask for
◼
►
it if you give me a hard boiled egg and
◼
►
I put it in my pocket and carry it with
◼
►
ok like alcohol and jager well Jean
◼
►
right now what we call this little
◼
►
sausages with yellow and jager plan your
◼
►
laundry laundry girl I nagar there we'll
◼
►
get it there will be a time in the
◼
►
middle of the day when I'm hungry and
◼
►
I'm Way out on the trail and there's no
◼
►
place to get any food that i'll pull
◼
►
I feel very situational situational and
◼
►
contextual about public like a boiled
◼
►
egg that I've just made in my very
◼
►
special wake of a very special way and I
◼
►
go to New York Times I put a put on a
◼
►
hole with a needle you do that on your
◼
►
eggs you get a hard book but the other
◼
►
hand like a bed-and-breakfast of bread
◼
►
bed-and-breakfast like knock on the door
◼
►
they want to give you a hard-boiled egg
◼
►
what is it but with those places in
◼
►
fucking hard boiled eggs that's that
◼
►
snake i do not want no I don't want to
◼
►
rank keep your egg and your German
◼
►
muffin like yeah I don't want it when
◼
►
you when you go downstairs at the german
◼
►
Pensione and there's a bass tick
◼
►
mastic effects if you have a if you have
◼
►
a sticker breakfast and you're just like
◼
►
yeah but here's what i want i want some
◼
►
toast with Jam actually
◼
►
I don't get what I want and what I want
◼
►
and I want some cold cuts and one of
◼
►
your heart buns and then get me out of
◼
►
here gonna hit the trail but so anyway I
◼
►
I she eats it we're having a good time
◼
►
in the morning because it's just like
◼
►
you know it's just the two of us without
◼
►
without trying saying too much to
◼
►
provide triangulation like you other are
◼
►
days where you have to get her to school
◼
►
lots yeah like how like roughly how long
◼
►
is it from your walk doors there's no
◼
►
walking it's a it is a half hour drive
◼
►
ok ok all right good ok that's what the
◼
►
problem is it's a half hour dry it's a
◼
►
20-minute drive if you leave if
◼
►
everybody if it were told way that you
◼
►
needed things to work and people keep
◼
►
moving it out of the way
◼
►
yeah but-but-but traffic changes within
◼
►
that 10 minutes if you don't leave I'll
◼
►
i know this one idea exactly what you do
◼
►
is to get this was the commute down to
◼
►
the peninsula was like within this
◼
►
30-minute window the traffic would come
◼
►
you could add two hours to the trip by
◼
►
they don't half an hour later if you
◼
►
leave at seven twenty to my house in 722
◼
►
you are you are in the game and you
◼
►
don't understand why I give a b-plus for
◼
►
a failed mercury mission but what you're
◼
►
dealing with every morning 722 722 you
◼
►
into x 7 x star 722 you can stop at the
◼
►
gas station and have an additional
◼
►
breakfast of a couple of chicken strips
◼
►
you could have an emergency travel Joe
◼
►
yeah daddy can get a coffee
◼
►
yeah if you leave to get a map believe
◼
►
it I could I could get a tire pressure
◼
►
gauge which if you leave at seven thirty
◼
►
two haha yeah you're sitting in traffic
◼
►
and yeah well mr. ah yeah so so what I
◼
►
say is at a certain point I look at the
◼
►
clock and I go go get dressed and she
◼
►
lollygag for one and a half seconds and
◼
►
I say what did I say go get dressed and
◼
►
now God and reappears often in the most
◼
►
fantastical outfits you will have ever
◼
►
seen i love this already like flowered
◼
►
a plaid skirt a you know like a mohair
◼
►
sweater that i didn't know she had some
◼
►
kind of like rain jacket and cowboy
◼
►
boots are you know like cheating him she
◼
►
finds all this stuff and I'm like look
◼
►
here we go and the only issue is come
◼
►
out of that room dressed in some costume
◼
►
by this moment and if she doesn't all I
◼
►
have everyone's a real liberal arts
◼
►
approach like how you do this however
◼
►
you want but you have exactly one
◼
►
fitness criterion which is that we I
◼
►
mean by you could ultimately 17 but you
◼
►
say when i see you next you need to be
◼
►
that's right you know you should be
◼
►
headed toward the door and be able to
◼
►
make if I if I get to the door before
◼
►
you do an open it you should be able to
◼
►
continue be able to start throwing your
◼
►
yeah at seven 2159 yeah and you just be
◼
►
you walk out of that room and be
◼
►
prepared to keep walking and then and
◼
►
that's the point at which I'm throwing
◼
►
her hastily made lunch into her back
◼
►
back and i'm putting my own coat and hat
◼
►
on and so she ninety-five percent of the
◼
►
time appears in some costume but i think
◼
►
is magical that would drive both of her
◼
►
other caretakers right up the wall for
◼
►
potentially different reasons for
◼
►
yeah i do not care particularly if her
◼
►
hair is a rat's nest because my hair's
◼
►
around interesting and so I don't worry
◼
►
about how that reflects on you now I'll
◼
►
grab one of those little ponytail rubber
◼
►
bands and I'll throw it onto the top of
◼
►
her head in some way not like a it not
◼
►
so that the ponytail sticking up not to
◼
►
meet with but I grabbed her hair and
◼
►
pull it to the side and put a little top
◼
►
ponytail on it so it hangs down high and
◼
►
tuck your hair behind your ears and go
◼
►
good and she goes down good and we're
◼
►
and so I think that she likes it because
◼
►
compared to her morning's elsewhere
◼
►
it feels like a team effort yeah
◼
►
and she gets to go to school and the one
◼
►
she's not getting beef
◼
►
no there's no beef she's the only beef
◼
►
is why are you it's 720 145 where the
◼
►
right did you get distracted did you get
◼
►
lost in your room you know what happens
◼
►
when you get lost in your room happens
◼
►
that while you're fucking late and then
◼
►
daddy standing at the front door going
◼
►
yeah but like what if what if she's
◼
►
looking at dust that's falling from from
◼
►
ceiling and look at books that got moved
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►
around if she's trying to discern her
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►
future she absolutely does and then but
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►
at that point it's my problem because I
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►
should be on my game enough that at
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►
seven-twenty I'm saying let's let's move
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►
if I haven't seen you at seven-twenty
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►
let's move and often i'm not only yeah I
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►
know 7 28 mins me that's the problem
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►
yeah and then if I do open her door she
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absolutely is staring up at the dust
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►
coming down staring up trying to figure
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►
out what a fucking neutron is marf and
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►
and it you know and it's like oh we're
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►
late now and that's because i was also
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►
staring up at the Panda corner of the
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►
oh boy look at that mhm so i came home
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►
daddy is also the problem but we both
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►
subject we walk out of that house we
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►
both look like polly wachee you know