Roderick on the Line

◼   ► hello hi John how are you I'm all Merlin

◼   ► how are you know pretty well i just i

◼   ► had some food i had a chili dog

◼   ► no really I had limited time and limited

◼   ► time and I had to go through i had to

◼   ► approach that fork in the road

◼   ► do I going hungry or do I go in Chile

◼   ► you approach the fork in the chili dog

◼   ► yeah I love a chili dog but i'm i'm glad

◼   ► you mentioned that will get you that

◼   ► mentioned it but I'm confirming which

◼   ► one which one of you again

◼   ► uh-huh you're the star on the sidekick

◼   ► right let me go back to how much i love

◼   ► a chili dog your Merv Griffin I'm Arthur

◼   ► Treacher you don't even get that you're

◼   ► not even old enough to know that is

◼   ► Arthur Treacher his fish and chips to

◼   ► you right

◼   ► oh I know you're right i don't know I'm

◼   ► okay but I know who murdered Griffin is

◼   ► he kidding me who gets the river and

◼   ► spit merv griffin is a lesser Johnny

◼   ► Carson griffin's a rich man you know how

◼   ► rich he is he's richly Jesus he's rich

◼   ► he started the dating game

◼   ► hang on i think it can only produce the

◼   ► dating Jeffrey ethic and everything else

◼   ► that's Chuck Barris Chuck Barris which

◼   ► always in the sea is merv griffin right

◼   ► now Chuck Barris was in the CIA but I

◼   ► think Merv Griffin was that I think Merv

◼   ► Griffin was Chuck Paris's mentor I mean

◼   ► all of this conjecture can be dismissed

◼   ► with one click of the internet I don't

◼   ► think that's accurate

◼   ► I i think it's like in England you got

◼   ► the shadow cabinet i think Merv Griffin

◼   ► is the shadow cabinet right I Paris

◼   ► that's what that's what I'm saying

◼   ► Merv Griffin controls seventies

◼   ► television i agree i am the one who

◼   ► brought up chili dogs

◼   ► I i try to prepare for these things

◼   ► apart from eating but while I was eating

◼   ► a chili dog i wrote down I wrote down

◼   ► some ideas for things I wanted to talk

◼   ► to you about know me I read something to

◼   ► you

◼   ► let's hear them ok well here's the thing

◼   ► i first of all step 0

◼   ► I don't want you to feel the need to

◼   ► respond to any of these and

◼   ► just going to these are things i'm

◼   ► throwing out there okay put them in the

◼   ► air you can choose to answer any of

◼   ► these anyway you want you could just say

◼   ► check or no check

◼   ► you know I think we're planning to talk

◼   ► about without picking topics but it's

◼   ► really more for my personal interest in

◼   ► my personal files

◼   ► no I know how I know how this goes I

◼   ► mean over the years I've gotten many

◼   ► many phone calls from you where you had

◼   ► something very important to say i don't

◼   ► think you can always tell that you could

◼   ► tell that was album revolver and you

◼   ► needed to talk to somebody about it

◼   ► right you had used up all your other

◼   ► friends why didn't they put paperback

◼   ► writer on there

◼   ► oh ok that's number five from across

◼   ► that one

◼   ► ok alright let's do the list ok these

◼   ► are potential topics and I don't want

◼   ► you to feel any inclination because i

◼   ► know you're not really you're gonna feel

◼   ► in client like you do thats that's one

◼   ► of the problems I'm already feeling less

◼   ► inclined

◼   ► ok then what topic lunch chili

◼   ► it's not a huge fan okay see I think I

◼   ► know you okay so that's I'm gonna put a

◼   ► check next to that as a potential

◼   ► remember how do you make your own chili

◼   ► because i know you make a lot of your

◼   ► own foods I think chili is a lot like

◼   ► barbecue for white people i think it

◼   ► differs a lot from place to place and

◼   ► people are very territorial about it

◼   ► like sports teams sexual intercourse

◼   ► they have different ideas to use

◼   ► cinnamon is there mustard beans no beans

◼   ► i think chili i use cinnamon mustard and

◼   ► beans in sexual intercourse

◼   ► okay that's five shows right there ok so

◼   ► we could go right into chili or you

◼   ► could hear some other ideas and I just I

◼   ► literally want to just check these off

◼   ► just for future OIC ok so this is

◼   ► lightning round all right let's go no

◼   ► that is at least there's probably

◼   ► actually because that's when you know

◼   ► you've introduced the topic

◼   ► ok I'm vibrating with excitement about

◼   ► the chili lunch and I think I think we

◼   ► should circle back to Chile ok ok unless

◼   ► there's other ones and no no let's hear

◼   ► the rest okay

◼   ► pedestrians that is not a value judgment

◼   ► is a simply a plural noun are you

◼   ► interested at some point in talking

◼   ► about pedestrians well for many many

◼   ► many many years I was a pedestrian who

◼   ► that's not really an answer

◼   ► oh I'm ready to talk about killing

◼   ► checked I'm not ready to talk about

◼   ► having been a pedestrian and mine my

◼   ► relationship to them now that I'm not

◼   ► about yesterday I don't

◼   ► want to steer this boat too hard because

◼   ► it's your boat it's your wheel right and

◼   ► I don't know although i call it

◼   ► that's right we gotta get it up the

◼   ► mountain is a German and everybody sad

◼   ► i'm loco know his record our site and

◼   ► that's the that's the other guy klaus

◼   ► kinski loud screams kee-yai boil if

◼   ► record our was in its class can write

◼   ► this down if it's called oh ok that's a

◼   ► no that's a that's the guy did that

◼   ► movie with that other movie with Klaus

◼   ► Kinski what's that guy's name

◼   ► yeah that's right that's the guy know

◼   ► the guy with the were the only 100 below

◼   ► plays the flute and he's got a helmet

◼   ► that's a corner Hertzog or hurt sock and

◼   ► I'm thinking of a gay wrath of God but

◼   ► i'm going to write that's called oh it's

◼   ► about a steamboat I think okay number i

◼   ► didn't see that one is that the one

◼   ► where the guy we're a bottle falls on a

◼   ► guy and he clicks at it for a while and

◼   ► that takes it back to his tribe

◼   ► oh the weather was little a little bit

◼   ► fast in parts that's I think that's the

◼   ► gods must be crazy part1 ok right as i

◼   ► have a look

◼   ► write that down too because i have a lot

◼   ► of questions about the gods must be

◼   ► crazy and I think with the metaphysical

◼   ► distance that we have from that movie

◼   ► now we need to talk about the gods must

◼   ► be crazy because I thought you were

◼   ► talking about the metaphysical distance

◼   ► between you and I no no I think I don't

◼   ► want to talk about that our connection

◼   ► is molecular I think we've established

◼   ► that would mean third topic actually

◼   ► checking no checking Alaska are always

◼   ► talk about Alaska ok I'm going to check

◼   ► next to that this is taking too long for

◼   ► the problem with public restrooms you

◼   ► know that does that has problem the

◼   ► problem in front of it so you can tell

◼   ► me if you just want to part doesn't

◼   ► interest you at all

◼   ► I went to a guitar show certainly that's

◼   ► not really an answer i do it like a

◼   ► vintage guitar show and the public

◼   ► restrooms their m.o we know what I'm

◼   ► gonna I'm gonna exercise my Robert's

◼   ► Rules of Order and I'm going to go and

◼   ► check next to that right

◼   ► ok i had some other ones i'm just gonna

◼   ► table these I had a guitar as women

◼   ► tattoos people who were hats are am and

◼   ► whether other bands take it down before

◼   ► show i think we could table as well i

◼   ► think many of those guitars women

◼   ► tattoos people who were hats REM and pre

◼   ► shows potential quick table is

◼   ► potentially for future is great i will

◼   ► happily talk about all those less

◼   ► fortunate than a jump out guitars women

◼   ► tattoos people who were hats are

◼   ► I'm appreciate have super strong

◼   ► feelings about every one of those topics

◼   ► and how many women right get this how

◼   ► many women you know where have to have

◼   ► tattoos play guitar and probably take a

◼   ► dump for sho i'm thinking you just in

◼   ► the pnw literally dozens

◼   ► well i personally know more than a few

◼   ► the thing about women in hats

◼   ► that's nice is if you go to an event in

◼   ► a hat you personally with a woman

◼   ► yeah and you realize once you get to the

◼   ► event you shouldn't have worn a hat

◼   ► wearing a hat is stupid

◼   ► who you can give the hat to the woman

◼   ► and then the woman's wearing a hat

◼   ► Sookie when they do that it's super cute

◼   ► right and so then she feels cute and you

◼   ► don't look like it like a dink in the

◼   ► hat and an event where no other guys

◼   ► wearing i have I think you know me well

◼   ► enough to know I do not make sweeping

◼   ► generalizations but i'm just going to

◼   ► say never wear the hat

◼   ► we're after the show I mean unless you

◼   ► eat because now you're wearing a hat guy

◼   ► yeah I know except here's the problem if

◼   ► you have a collection of old Stetsons

◼   ► which someone on this podcast does then

◼   ► what do you do you gotta I mean I i

◼   ► think this conundrum every day I wake up

◼   ► I walked past my hat rack which is which

◼   ► is covered like a like a like a fruit

◼   ► tree with vintage head Stetson hats some

◼   ► of them quite beautiful hats and I i

◼   ► think my first thought is I want to put

◼   ► on a hat and this is my second thought

◼   ► is you look like an asshole in a half

◼   ► and I got that this happens to me 30

◼   ► times a day I walked past today I got 0

◼   ► hat and then I go

◼   ► don't walk out of the house and a half

◼   ► if you were 20 or 30 you would have made

◼   ► a different set of decisions about every

◼   ► step of that you might have said I don't

◼   ► even need these hats certainly don't

◼   ► need more than one and then when you did

◼   ► have a musical i got this hat got aware

◼   ► of the show I don't think you even go to

◼   ► that many shows these days i'm guessing

◼   ► because you're very busy but I imagine

◼   ► now when you do that you bring that

◼   ► level of circumspection to any really

◼   ► any of the fruit trees in your house

◼   ► whether that is the elephant boots or

◼   ► the the costly hats or on some level you

◼   ► can wear too many ralph lauren shirts

◼   ► right i mean you're bringing to this is

◼   ► circumspection is all you can't wear

◼   ► more than three ralph lauren shirts at a

◼   ► time because it starts that you start to

◼   ► look muscle-bound you get a kind of like

◼   ► yum Arnold Schwarzenegger all I can take

◼   ► up residence on lafayette and that's not

◼   ► appealing i don't think people used to

◼   ► wear to i mentioned this end up in a

◼   ► previous visit I i remember what people

◼   ► wear to with the with the Colorado

◼   ► I don't get it that's one of the top

◼   ► that's I don't want to talk about that

◼   ► either ok but anyway I see kids in hats

◼   ► all the time and I'm sorry I'm just jump

◼   ► in here are we gonna go stronger people

◼   ► with hats you know let's go back here

◼   ► right here

◼   ► no no listen I'm not here to derail it's

◼   ► your rail is your train i'm just writing

◼   ► to the caboose

◼   ► I'm happy to talk about hats are you

◼   ► ever you're riding my caboose mm uu feel

◼   ► mostly like this topic script that can i

◼   ► can put this in my personal file that's

◼   ► all great

◼   ► it's all it's all gold i'll talk about

◼   ► all that stuff but I don't want to talk

◼   ► about half

◼   ► well I feel so I do feel strongly about

◼   ► i think the whole thing where women wear

◼   ► your clothes

◼   ► I mean come on that script but that's a

◼   ► different topic yeah the last time i

◼   ► went to South by Southwest every single

◼   ► person in the in the city was wearing

◼   ► some kind of snap brim fedora that they

◼   ► bought in an airport and I wanted to

◼   ► have a lightsaber so that I could go

◼   ► around and just take the top three

◼   ► inches of everyone's head off and then I

◼   ► of course I'm i went home and that

◼   ► should be all that shuttle service

◼   ► industry you should be armies armies of

◼   ► people who are not unemployed but

◼   ► partially employee give them a wrist

◼   ► rocket and a handful of pebbles and you

◼   ► literally do nothing but knock hats off

◼   ► of wears a hat i said all along they

◼   ► need you pick them up and you say you

◼   ► know what that's one

◼   ► yeah you know what maybe think a little

◼   ► harder Austin you know it

◼   ► yeah i'm already designing the uniforms

◼   ► for those guys with the wrist Rockets I

◼   ► don't really good idea i think like like

◼   ► unitard but bell-bottom white white

◼   ► bell-bottom unitard sounds like the

◼   ► defrank of family maybe like the basic I

◼   ► don't know I I you know I would never

◼   ► say rollers thing about it yeah but it's

◼   ► there and cameltoe is a big is a big

◼   ► part of the sentiment for the menu which

◼   ► is called something else right it's not

◼   ► cameltoe if it's not if it's a guy its

◼   ► oh I literally just made this upset

◼   ► crack the now it's so unappealing no

◼   ► matter how you look at I was that you

◼   ► sent me that Eddie Van Halen interview

◼   ► that he did backstage at the at the

◼   ► stoner fast and i didn't mention it that

◼   ► had photos that and photos of him and

◼   ► his in his jeans

◼   ► the thing is those those seventies jeans

◼   ► like from the knee down

◼   ► they hung like curtains they weren't

◼   ► tight but boy they tailored them somehow

◼   ► so that they were they were the tightest

◼   ► just right in that area right around

◼   ► where you pee I i have I don't know why

◼   ► I think this and I don't know why I

◼   ► think it but I have a feeling that David

◼   ► Lee Roth has some serious lumber going

◼   ► on I think he I think he could have

◼   ► killed some spotted owls with that thing

◼   ► i just started and is that right what

◼   ► they are with the with the penises

◼   ► yes no I'm sympathetic to that to the

◼   ► fact that the Jews are big penises

◼   ► I mean I don't like to indulge in stereo

◼   ► tell you me well first of all a the Jews

◼   ► had a hard time if anybody deserves a

◼   ► giant rocketed you don't you pick their

◼   ► here you know what I'm saying I think

◼   ► that it's their time and it's now is

◼   ► there time i was thinking more of the

◼   ► the little wore roller one that helmet

◼   ► effect I'm very sympathetic to that

◼   ► there were 10 i guess maybe like it like

◼   ► a terminal a storm trooper hat oh this

◼   ► is getting way far afield

◼   ► yeah I I you know I think you your whole

◼   ► conception of penises has a lot to do

◼   ► with what you're sporting first the

◼   ► first time I see the opposite of the

◼   ► kind of penis you have I think you know

◼   ► i'm talking about the first to see the

◼   ► opposite angle after you see one the

◼   ► curves to the right who I i don't know

◼   ► i'm not i'm not pro or anti circumcision

◼   ► but I am pro circumcision not because of

◼   ► the pain that because the cutting but

◼   ► just because i think everyone should

◼   ► look like me the extent possible

◼   ► well yeah it's a cultural thing and you

◼   ► are a member of a very distinct culture

◼   ► me which is you

◼   ► yeah i think the first time you see that

◼   ► nobody i'm looking into that that's not

◼   ► on the list

◼   ► I you know here's the thing i would

◼   ► never go up I despise tattoos I I just

◼   ► as a name as a thing I just despise

◼   ► tattoos now I love

◼   ► of a lot of people who have tattoos yeah

◼   ► yeah now it's like it's like it's like

◼   ► religion i love a lot of religious

◼   ► people but i'm not a super fan of

◼   ► religion I think that's a terrific

◼   ► example and and i have to say especially

◼   ► with some of the ladies it's a matter of

◼   ► taste and some of them have some really

◼   ► really beautiful tattoos almost never on

◼   ► the foot or the back i will note the

◼   ► foot tattoo and then you gotta you gotta

◼   ► go buy sandals so people can see ya know

◼   ► it i'm wearing the clothes i'm wearing

◼   ► sleeveless blouse

◼   ► it's a shortcut to looking like a

◼   ► juggalette if you look back to your

◼   ► right right on the way to be in the

◼   ► jungle at but here's the problem right

◼   ► Merlin now I get into this all the time

◼   ► if you start talking shit about tattoos

◼   ► so many people in my culture now have

◼   ► tattoos

◼   ► let's just start talking shit about it

◼   ► is to is to start minutes if I can sit

◼   ► and talk about religion all day and I'm

◼   ► I know I'm offending people but they're

◼   ► people have sex then that's abstract

◼   ► yeah it's like it's like talking about

◼   ► how they feel about chest width oh you

◼   ► know I kind of like chess but they're

◼   ► not going to like punch in the nose and

◼   ► the people that were the people that

◼   ► really care about chest and they're out

◼   ► there somewhere but i'm not concerned

◼   ► you can probably look if you had to

◼   ► fight i could lick them in a fight every

◼   ► other ways yes well we really just their

◼   ► they're committed they can't go back

◼   ► that foot they can take their foot off

◼   ► that's gonna have to be lasers and if I

◼   ► say if i make some sweeping statement

◼   ► like any tattoo in your bikini area is

◼   ► gross no matter what it is a picture of

◼   ► it i don't care if it's a beautiful

◼   ► flower i don't care if it is a picture

◼   ► of Ronald McDonald what that is grosser

◼   ► ronald mcdonald is grosser than flower

◼   ► but it's all I don't I never want to

◼   ► feel sized a life-size ronald mcdonald

◼   ► tell you where his nose is your clitoris

◼   ► not nice

◼   ► it's not that is your nose it's a

◼   ► literally life-size that's probably just

◼   ► the front but if you if you're sick

◼   ► segment back for christmas

◼   ► I'm still saving up for Christmas

◼   ► why you would seriously the Juggalos

◼   ► wood would welcome you with open arms

◼   ► i don't i'm not putting this on the

◼   ► official list i'm a third card we're

◼   ► going to put jealous because I want to

◼   ► learn more about Douglas i read about

◼   ► them it's bikini area thing is one of

◼   ► those like oh my god this girl's

◼   ► beautiful oh here we go

◼   ► she's so oh now with off with the bikini

◼   ► and oh yeah just like a little scar down

◼   ► here it's like I put up the leftover

◼   ► Chinese food somebody ate all the shrimp

◼   ► out and they put a dead bird in there

◼   ► that's that's not food anymore

◼   ► why would you mess up such a nice area

◼   ► while not only a metaphor I want to

◼   ► associate with a bikini promise food you

◼   ► get the shrimp out and there's a dead

◼   ► bird

◼   ► the problem is literally not a metaphor

◼   ► oh ok could be a bluebird and missing

◼   ► shrimp that I don't next tattoo of a

◼   ► container of chinese food we're clearly

◼   ► there's shrimp shrimp shaped areas that

◼   ► are empty and a dead bird

◼   ► can I give you an economical solution to

◼   ► that one word kanji there is probably a

◼   ► symbol for this is not single this is

◼   ► the kanji symbol this is a single

◼   ► conscious i don't know what that means

◼   ► for kanji as I think it's a language

◼   ► thing you go in I think you say to them

◼   ► I would like the kanji symbol for this

◼   ► is a tattoo of probably a bluebird and

◼   ► some missing shrimp and can I just say I

◼   ► think seven out of ten tattoo

◼   ► quote-unquote artists will say no

◼   ► problem

◼   ► yeah and actually driving is it so hard

◼   ► to learn you put some lines on there you

◼   ► go that's awesome this Conchie

◼   ► yeah well but you know what it is people

◼   ► who get tattoos they really likes and

◼   ► script that's the language they really

◼   ► want their tattoo and let's look on your

◼   ► arms in your background that the seven

◼   ► Angelina Jolie has I'm sure she does

◼   ► oh my god i'm so irritated angelina

◼   ► jolie right now just thinking of her

◼   ► tattoos on right-hander Damon and right

◼   ► under juggalos there goes happy with no

◼   ► water tattoos are I sure she has some

◼   ► that are pissing me off right we're

◼   ► gonna need a second and probably 50 odd

◼   ► cast just for Angelina Jolie then that

◼   ► but I understand this problem i run into

◼   ► it too because i have dear friends now

◼   ► here's the problem twitter is I say

◼   ► you know you you look that makes you

◼   ► look a little bit filthy and when you

◼   ► get old

◼   ► it's not gonna be pretty and my friends

◼   ► think I'm addressing them directly i

◼   ► have friends they have tattoos that are

◼   ► very meaningful to them about very

◼   ► meaningful things to her over some of

◼   ► them are awesome i have a friend a

◼   ► friend in college who looked a lot like

◼   ► a Sherman from from Bullwinkle and so he

◼   ► got a Sherman tattoo that was beautiful

◼   ► and I thought that was funny

◼   ► I don't know Frank a different got a

◼   ► question mark and the word doubt under

◼   ► it I thought that was nice

◼   ► that's nice i have a lot of friends that

◼   ► are tattooed from the bottoms of their

◼   ► earlobes to the ends of their fucking

◼   ► toes who and I dated a couple of girls

◼   ► that had a that had tattoos all over

◼   ► their bodies and and i was able for that

◼   ► period to enjoy those people's studies

◼   ► as a part of them over the enjoyment of

◼   ► them but i cannot say that I would not

◼   ► have preferred that they did not have

◼   ► all those tattoos i think in the

◼   ► aggregate what that says is yes i will

◼   ► work at the coffee shop but be you

◼   ► probably shouldn't trust me with the

◼   ► keys so all the tattoos

◼   ► well to me it becomes you know see we

◼   ► should move on i can probably tell me I

◼   ► can't talk about tattoo I can't talk

◼   ► about tattoos on girls anymore because

◼   ► there are enough people watching my

◼   ► twitter feed who are going to send me a

◼   ► text that says when did you see a girls

◼   ► bikini area ? ? and I'm like uh I was

◼   ► just thinking about it in the abstract

◼   ► and then I get another text

◼   ► oh really you're just thinking about

◼   ► that Jesus is the other problem is the

◼   ► other problem with twitter which is when

◼   ► on your I try to help people by saying

◼   ► something abstract people who feel that

◼   ► that is about them will respond

◼   ► personally that's the second problem

◼   ► with what I'm talking about you all the

◼   ► time to talk about you except one

◼   ► computer all except as much i am talking

◼   ► about you

◼   ► I'm not talking about you right now I

◼   ► was absolutely talking about you a

◼   ► question but not you

◼   ► now you're talking about me you know and

◼   ► that's different that's totally

◼   ► different

◼   ► that's the second problem

◼   ► which appears it here's the thing I've

◼   ► been to your area

◼   ► well we're here I've been to your bikini

◼   ► area but i think i've been to jet city

◼   ► as i like to call it you prefer that or

◼   ► emerald cities like San Frisco is look

◼   ► up to her saying they just pretty well

◼   ► no you got it wrong you got a song

◼   ► here's the thing about jet city in the

◼   ► in the fifties and sixties jet city was

◼   ► the first that was seattle's nickname

◼   ► that was seattle's like because the

◼   ► boeing is the bone because we were

◼   ► making jets before anybody else i love i

◼   ► think it's i think it's fantastic it's

◼   ► got tomorrow and quality its muscular

◼   ► right well exactly

◼   ► thank you that's exactly right and we

◼   ► were jet city all the way up until some

◼   ► magical point in the late seventies when

◼   ► some the Cabal of city fathers decided

◼   ► they were gonna rebrand Seattle as the

◼   ► Emerald City which is like a land of

◼   ► little of dwarves like magical little

◼   ► green emerald city what is that that's

◼   ► like a tour the Dorothy in Oz right

◼   ► wonderland

◼   ► it's a place it's a place with a lot of

◼   ► poppies it's run by a fraud

◼   ► yeah it's not a that's no nickname

◼   ► nobody wanted that nobody asked for that

◼   ► what is it to Temple about the city

◼   ► well it's it it's very green here even

◼   ► verdant where it's already XP colleague

◼   ► it's both bucolic and burden is a

◼   ► schematic it's not 4matic no format

◼   ► format diplomatic city would be this

◼   ► Kansas City Missouri this little battle

◼   ► that the city that knows how to haack it

◼   ► no that's not that's not Seattle Seattle

◼   ► is Colin Burton who like a prince in san

◼   ► francisco in one's mind's eye one thinks

◼   ► no san francisco bucolic hurt but in

◼   ► fact it's it's neither of those things

◼   ► it's a parched desert same thing

◼   ► happened in the late seventies you know

◼   ► same kinda bunch of people hung over

◼   ► Kenya meeting

◼   ► nobody had the good sense to say no to

◼   ► Emerald City 19th it was 19 now is

◼   ► probably anything 87 cisco that's not

◼   ► funny

◼   ► assign they said that's not even that's

◼   ► not even a nickname that's just a

◼   ► statement and they said no seriously

◼   ► that's not funny but no matter what you

◼   ► say in San Francisco somebody's gonna

◼   ► say you know what that's not funny

◼   ► yeah that went on the license plates

◼   ► it's not actually not a question its

◼   ► license plates me like me like on cars

◼   ► haha ok here's an idea when you take

◼   ► your comment and go for gas right into

◼   ► the bay

◼   ► that's not funny that is exactly what is

◼   ► your custom license plate that's not a

◼   ► crime that's your that's yours h8 crying

◼   ► ah here's my question to you what why

◼   ► why is frisco so up so bad for you

◼   ► people

◼   ► I mean frisco it's like you say first go

◼   ► to san francisco in the frickin and they

◼   ► frickin and they will they will go eat

◼   ► like an orchid in a microwave

◼   ► well be were very touchy I don't know if

◼   ► you realize that we're very touchy you

◼   ► are not touchy-feely just touchy

◼   ► that's not funny but a you-know-what

◼   ► people started calling you the Windies

◼   ► and all I'm going out tonight to see the

◼   ► the twenties but let's go as a frisco

◼   ► has a long and and glorious a trigger

◼   ► career they called it Frisco bag in 1859

◼   ► and they also used to think there's

◼   ► spiders and WM doesn't make it right

◼   ► I don't know I I there's two things I

◼   ► hurt you never call it Frisco and for

◼   ► the love of Christ never call it San

◼   ► Fran when I moved here my wife educated

◼   ► me on many things she told me she told

◼   ► me I was we were never going to

◼   ► rollerblade and golden gate park so I

◼   ► cross that off my list said we're never

◼   ► gonna buy a big can of coffee in a red

◼   ► can that's never happening again

◼   ► well she's right there she was right and

◼   ► I think you can blame Emerald City for

◼   ► that says it all the coffee now that's

◼   ► right to change the world but the sheet

◼   ► she schooled me on that i think i had

◼   ► heard or read in books you don't cloths

◼   ► and Fredo call it Frisco I i don't know

◼   ► i mean you know what they call it and

◼   ► this is this is really not funny but

◼   ► they call it the city now see that right

◼   ► the city by the bay was seen around the

◼   ► city that never stops right the city

◼   ► that was built on on rock and roll and

◼   ► an over-inflated mining industry you

◼   ► know back then because five dollars for

◼   ► a gallon of milk

◼   ► 18 just wearing the gold rush days this

◼   ► is the thing when you have a big boom

◼   ► it's not the suckers

◼   ► I get rich and it is the suckers let me

◼   ► tell you it's right in your bikini area

◼   ► you people who get rich it's like the

◼   ► lawyer thing the field is the milk

◼   ► producers that get rich every time John

◼   ► if you want to sleep literally on a

◼   ► wooden bench was ten dollars a night

◼   ► that's in 18-49 dollars i have to look

◼   ► up what that is but I think that's a lot

◼   ► of money that is a lot of money to

◼   ► finance I wouldn't take ten dollars the

◼   ► wooden bench right now we can we stay at

◼   ► my place

◼   ► I know when you're luckier here mattress

◼   ► that shaped like a taco your taco

◼   ► mattress for Lily's there you gotta pump

◼   ► it up every night it's on router

◼   ► memorial taco mattress where I don't get

◼   ► off topic that I've always enjoy I

◼   ► always enjoyed how you made how you made

◼   ► someone sleep in the van

◼   ► I always thought that was about way more

◼   ► than protecting the equipment we live

◼   ► literally 323 cut that out we live close

◼   ► to a police station you have next to a

◼   ► police station

◼   ► that's fine and it's a very it's a very

◼   ► pastoral automatic not area much like

◼   ► REM is a reckoning and so you know

◼   ► you're mostly going to be okay and our

◼   ► neighborhood but you would always make

◼   ► someone sleep i think michael you make

◼   ► Michael sleep in the van a lot just for

◼   ► spite

◼   ► Michael like to sleep in the van because

◼   ► michael is a compulsive masturbator

◼   ► and i think is a loud masturbator so

◼   ► you're not comfortable sleeping around

◼   ► other people he likes to be in a in an

◼   ► enclosed area where you can steam up the

◼   ► windows but i slept in the van in front

◼   ► of your house one time

◼   ► yeah i was done about that and I had I

◼   ► had a terrifying experience I think I

◼   ► told you about this the next morning I

◼   ► was asleep in the man next to the park

◼   ► right where I'm by back in so i'm

◼   ► looking at the park

◼   ► I'm sleeping in the van in the middle of

◼   ► the night I wake up with a start to a a

◼   ► vision of like an army of dead soldiers

◼   ► marching across the park toward me I

◼   ► looked out of the window and I see an

◼   ► army of ghostly dead

◼   ► coming up the van

◼   ► and I'm you know I sleep in the I sleep

◼   ► on naturale foo and so I shoot out of of

◼   ► our the of the back punk in the van

◼   ► shoot across for a bench seats in the

◼   ► van into the driver's seat

◼   ► turn on the van and put it in gear and

◼   ► peel out this is four o'clock in the

◼   ► morning peel out of this parking space

◼   ► and don't stop for like four blocks

◼   ► bare-ass naked driving in a panic away

◼   ► from this army of dead soldiers coming

◼   ► at me and I pulled over to the side of

◼   ► the road

◼   ► panting coming out of the park at you ya

◼   ► know watching across the park toward the

◼   ► van in gold surrounding the van at four

◼   ► in the morning that's horrific it was

◼   ► terrible and then I didn't sleep the

◼   ► rest of the night I couldn't could park

◼   ► next to the the park of dead soldiers

◼   ► know what era like to remember what were

◼   ► the Crimean no they weren't cry me and I

◼   ► you know that they were in western guard

◼   ► quite frankly that's just gonna find you

◼   ► have a lot of visions like that well but

◼   ► stick model you're getting mana no

◼   ► not-not-not anywhere i've never gotten a

◼   ► stigma but i do have periodically very

◼   ► rarely I'll be sleeping in a strange

◼   ► house or either i was sleeping at a

◼   ► house in Vermont one time I turned off

◼   ► the light and immediately felt like

◼   ► there was someone terrible in the room

◼   ► with me and i SAT up turn on the light

◼   ► and spent the entire night sitting up

◼   ► like reading old readers digest because

◼   ► the second that I the second that I was

◼   ► not vigilant there was a terrible

◼   ► terrible malevolent presence there and

◼   ► in the morning i limp down to the

◼   ► breakfast and the my hosts are sitting

◼   ► there and they said how did you sleep

◼   ► and I said well not very well actually

◼   ► because there's a really really evil

◼   ► ghoul that lives in the room

◼   ► you partying and they went oh we were

◼   ► wondering if you would notice

◼   ► that's why we put you in there we

◼   ► thought you know we just wanted to see

◼   ► if you would if you would notice what

◼   ► like keeping what a terrible thing

◼   ► what like a like a like a renter or like

◼   ► a ghost know this house was built in

◼   ► seventeen forty or something like having

◼   ► it like somebody a tricorn hat one who

◼   ► yeah they had a bad ghost and of all the

◼   ► people you know they were like four or

◼   ► five of us staying over and above all

◼   ► the people they were like let's put

◼   ► Roderick in there he'll if anybody's

◼   ► gonna gonna see the terrible ghost it's

◼   ► John you can't look at you I would not

◼   ► have never I you know I i love Eric I

◼   ► would never put Eric in with the ghost

◼   ► well Eric would make common cause with

◼   ► the ghosts may have a hip-hop side

◼   ► project by morning

◼   ► alright just busting busting some tracks

◼   ► I you're in the loop

◼   ► I I think of you is a despite the

◼   ► extreme irrationality of the most

◼   ► aspects of your personality I think of

◼   ► you as a rational person I don't give

◼   ► you as a post-enlightenment kind of

◼   ► character

◼   ► I don't believe in ghosts if that's what

◼   ► you're giving i'm not sure what i'm

◼   ► getting at but use don't seem like

◼   ► somebody I could see you getting up and

◼   ► thinking there it goes for a while maybe

◼   ► up to the point you made it through your

◼   ► vegan breakfast which i assume is all

◼   ► they serve in remind that's right and so

◼   ► foodie breakfast and then I could but it

◼   ► seems like at some point you wait

◼   ► it sounds to me that I like as as you

◼   ► sit here today you still think something

◼   ► was going on there

◼   ► well this is the problem with with these

◼   ► uh with these emotional experiences that

◼   ► you have in the middle of the night if

◼   ► you are too rigorous in the light of day

◼   ► about debunking those things I think you

◼   ► do yourself a disservice

◼   ► I think if you are woken up in the

◼   ► middle of the night by an army of ghouls

◼   ► walking across the park and you are

◼   ► scared enough that you jump out in naked

◼   ► and drive away it doesn't serve you

◼   ► it doesn't serve the the the magical

◼   ► aspects of the world

◼   ► to the following day

◼   ► pish-posh yourself and say oh that must

◼   ► have just been a barber car especially

◼   ► if you're not getting it all the time

◼   ► you're getting that all the time you

◼   ► need to talk to somebody but that's the

◼   ► thing right is what happens once every

◼   ► four years

◼   ► yeah i just i have to give some credence

◼   ► to it and if you were to sit down next

◼   ► to me now and say well reviewer for

◼   ► instance to call me on the phone and

◼   ► talk to me on a podcast and say do you

◼   ► believe that there was an army of ghouls

◼   ► well do you believe in an army of ghouls

◼   ► I would say no if you saw somebody on

◼   ► Oprah who's talking about this you know

◼   ► how much you enjoy watching reruns of

◼   ► Oprah you would you would say if

◼   ► somebody came on as a whole show about

◼   ► people who seen armies of things

◼   ► ghoulish soldiers you would say I'm not

◼   ► so sure about that right I'm not so sure

◼   ► right but my own experience I just

◼   ► simply can't discount it like for

◼   ► instance one time we were on tour and

◼   ► our van caught on fire in death valley

◼   ► and there's no reason for us to be a

◼   ► Death Valley except that I we had a day

◼   ► off and I suggested that instead of

◼   ► going to Las Vegas we would go to drive

◼   ► across Death Valley instead and

◼   ► everybody in the van i don't i'm not

◼   ► sure whether they agreed or whether they

◼   ► actually asked to measure matters

◼   ► it's very hard for me sometimes to tell

◼   ► the difference between them agreeing and

◼   ► aqueous and clearly they're really

◼   ► struggling for breath as it was they

◼   ► looked up from their interactive devices

◼   ► long enough to give me what I took as a

◼   ► not so we're driving across Death Valley

◼   ► and sadly the brakes failed and

◼   ► definitely is a very it's a very the

◼   ► brakes family van was on fire

◼   ► well no that's how the mountains are the

◼   ► brakes failed and death valley is very

◼   ► mountainous know the way that it that it

◼   ► ends up being so far below sea level is

◼   ► not that it just sorta tapers down it

◼   ► you go up a really big mountain and then

◼   ► you go really far down a mountain even

◼   ► further down than the place where he

◼   ► started and then your hundred people of

◼   ► sea-level same with the brakes concave

◼   ► right

◼   ► yes it's like a contact lens in the

◼   ► and so the thing catches on fire because

◼   ► that because I burned through the brakes

◼   ► and then burned through I just burned

◼   ► through it all and so the ban is burning

◼   ► and where we jump out and we we throw

◼   ► our will our bottles of water on her

◼   ► then we throw our bottles of P that

◼   ► every band has in their van we throw

◼   ► that on the burning breaks and then

◼   ► we're sitting in the middle of the night

◼   ► did I mention it was the middle of the

◼   ► night we're sitting in the middle of the

◼   ► night in death valley where the brakes

◼   ► hot because he'd been you got an

◼   ► automatic right you're not going to be

◼   ► clutching your way with Hills is because

◼   ► you just been overusing the brakes and

◼   ► they got overheated while the bread the

◼   ► brakes were gone and yeah they got they

◼   ► got overheated it was metal-on-metal for

◼   ► a wolf and it's it's it's late night

◼   ► it's late at night

◼   ► we're standing on the side of the road

◼   ► in death valley there's not another

◼   ► living soul for miles in any direction

◼   ► clear night and we're standing there

◼   ► looking at the bank when water with

◼   ► energy this is this is we're stuck here

◼   ► we're gonna die here and I look over and

◼   ► what had in my peripheral vision would

◼   ► have appeared to be like a a giant radio

◼   ► transmission tower that had some red

◼   ► lights on it I realized kind of it at

◼   ► the same moment that I saw it move

◼   ► I realized there were no radio there are

◼   ► no high-tension power lines out here

◼   ► this is death valley where the middle of

◼   ► nowhere and I look over and this high

◼   ► tension power line tower is moving

◼   ► across the sky at at the at the pace at

◼   ► a walking pace and it's also rotating so

◼   ► that and it's and this is happening and

◼   ► it's moving behind a mountain as I see

◼   ► it and I look over and I go what the

◼   ► hell is that and we all look except Eric

◼   ► Eric was Eric had walked away from the

◼   ► van and was out in the desert with a

◼   ► flashlight turning over rocks looking

◼   ► for snakes and scorpions and so I say

◼   ► look at that and everybody looks and we

◼   ► all go and eric is like these night

◼   ► blind because he has this flashlight

◼   ► and by the time Eric looks up and gets

◼   ► his night-vision the thing has moved

◼   ► behind the mountain but the rest of us

◼   ► all saw this thing this crazy thing I

◼   ► could you know i just did you generate

◼   ► this point beyond Michael or Michael or

◼   ► he's also i will actually now that I

◼   ► think about an appeal had flown to some

◼   ► other show cause he was he was looking

◼   ► for is it who else saw this besides just

◼   ► it was just Jonathan actually was just

◼   ► mean ok but we both thought and neither

◼   ► of us words was able to describe it in a

◼   ► way that sounded like the thing that the

◼   ► other person he didn't see it just

◼   ► because he wanted to agree with you

◼   ► no no he was like whoa and then he

◼   ► started talking about it like it was

◼   ► some kind of trapezoid cool and I was

◼   ► like it cool and I said there wasn't a

◼   ► trapezoid it was a it was a triangular

◼   ► and he's like no no it was a

◼   ► quadrilateral and so we couldn't agree

◼   ► but anyway if people say to me what you

◼   ► believe in UFOs I say oh you could be

◼   ► sure that she might believe in that UFO

◼   ► but I saw that your phone maybe it was a

◼   ► government experiment maybe it was a

◼   ► radio tower that had come unrooted as it

◼   ► wasn't more like a movie with my at or

◼   ► or more like like a Zeppelin or I me

◼   ► said was walking right let's say it was

◼   ► a Zeppelin that had no skin on it that

◼   ► was tumbling end over end low like

◼   ► hurling like a like a poorly kick

◼   ► football

◼   ► yeah except really slow

◼   ► [Music]

◼   ► well and your fans on fire and advance

◼   ► on fire this this this this sounds like

◼   ► some kind of rejected david lynch thing

◼   ► that was a hell of a night let me tell

◼   ► you what you do d duty to the interplay

◼   ► well no no there's no cell phone service

◼   ► because we're in the middle of dead

◼   ► valid death valley so you don't like you

◼   ► like other people driving

◼   ► oh hell no nobody else is gonna drive my

◼   ► van now one captains in charge now when

◼   ► Captain burn up the brakes is in charge

◼   ► so what I did I swear to you I put it in

◼   ► gear low gear and drove without touching

◼   ► the brakes for 60 miles your king and

◼   ► sometimes we were going really fast and

◼   ► sometimes we were going really slow but

◼   ► I just I just said you know what we're

◼   ► gonna do we're just gonna we're just

◼   ► going to hurtle down this mountain and

◼   ► hope and pray that there are no hairpin

◼   ► turns and there were none so we just

◼   ► hurdled down the mountain and out into

◼   ► the desert and we rolled through the

◼   ► flat desert for many many miles until we

◼   ► arrived in a town and we pulled into the

◼   ► town still without having touch the

◼   ► brakes pulled into the parking lot of a

◼   ► Ford dealership which was right next to

◼   ► a motel so we pulled into the ford

◼   ► dealership and went got a room at the

◼   ► motel in the morning i went over told

◼   ► them to fix the breaks they spent all

◼   ► day doing it because the firebreak fire

◼   ► had also burned some other important

◼   ► parts but they had it done by three in

◼   ► the afternoon we were in la by five in

◼   ► time for sound check it yeah is

◼   ► so improbable in so many ways well

◼   ► that's rock and roll Merlin batteries

◼   ► that's how Rock and Roll plays out does

◼   ► it benefit no no we got paid for that

◼   ► show largo where you play space space

◼   ► place

◼   ► hmm might have been spaced place that

◼   ► was during the house during the era when

◼   ► I was away it was our tour and who's the

◼   ► british guy in la that have the taste

◼   ► making indie rock radio show

◼   ► Rodney on the rock know the Oh nikka

◼   ► nikka yeah morning when it comes to

◼   ► collect their morning becomes eclectic

◼   ► with Nick what's but yep and presence is

◼   ► married name for years he took his

◼   ► wife's name was what about she's from

◼   ► land from Wales for years he was a you

◼   ► know that's one of those shows where if

◼   ► you're an indie rock band you go play

◼   ► morning becomes eclectic and we had been

◼   ► saying for a long time here want to have

◼   ► us down there and they would say oh we

◼   ► love you guys we play your stuff all the

◼   ► time but on this tour they just booked

◼   ► we don't have any opening slots because

◼   ► mob wise coming in and presidents and so

◼   ► this was one of those tours where we

◼   ► were somewhere in the Midwest and our

◼   ► people were saying hey why don't you

◼   ► have the long winters on Morning Becomes

◼   ► eclectic and they're like oh absolutely

◼   ► you know that sounds like a great deal

◼   ► let's check the schedule and then right

◼   ► before we got there

◼   ► they're like oh sorry we can't you know

◼   ► something came up and and and we we

◼   ► can't we have to pull your slot or

◼   ► something with that we were like oh

◼   ► again you know not on we don't get to go

◼   ► on Morning Becomes eclectic and so all

◼   ► of the LA indie-rockers think their

◼   ► music from here or not going to hear

◼   ► about us and we're never going to be

◼   ► famous and then we get a phone call from

◼   ► the openers on our tour a band called

◼   ► what made Milwaukee famous foo and they

◼   ► were calling us to say all we just got

◼   ► offered morning becomes eclectic and so

◼   ► we have to like we have to drive all

◼   ► through the night to go do it isn't that

◼   ► exciting

◼   ► that was like did you put got talent

◼   ► and that was as you know about me I'm

◼   ► you know I very dignified over there are

◼   ► some things i don't i don't bear with

◼   ► equanimity who so many insults I cannot

◼   ► bear hope perfidious some perfidious

◼   ► nasai will not bear the perfect it was

◼   ► duplicitous of deliciousness of another

◼   ► thing I won't bury hardwood or whatever

◼   ► his name is there that studies that's

◼   ► fucked up John and so this wasn't this

◼   ► was one of those moments when i said i

◼   ► know that this is I know that that to

◼   ► adopt this attitude is to only do a

◼   ► disservice to myself because morning

◼   ► becomes eclectic does not care really

◼   ► if the long winters ever play on their

◼   ► show because they are a media juggernaut

◼   ► and they will turn up they will gobble

◼   ► up bands and speed them out there radio

◼   ► and it has their pick of meeting men

◼   ► right their desires it's a buyers market

◼   ► it is a buyers market and they you know

◼   ► they lured that over bands and i said i

◼   ► will not play the show now I do not care

◼   ► if they come to me on bended knee they

◼   ► have insulted me and i will not ever

◼   ► appear on this stupid taste making radio

◼   ► show that will that is a career-maker i

◼   ► will not go to refuse em and I mean it's

◼   ► not like we turn down a bunch of offers

◼   ► from them subsequently how did you

◼   ► present that was that was that in like

◼   ► gmail theses to a tree or this is my

◼   ► internal tribunal just steaming because

◼   ► i have actually have a sort of have a

◼   ► legislature in my head and different

◼   ► characters getting you have a you have a

◼   ► cognitive deliberative body i have a

◼   ► deliberative body that's right and and

◼   ► different personalities get up and make

◼   ► very impassioned speeches and the other

◼   ► legislators some of them you know her

◼   ► mom firm rasberry rhubarb rhubarb and

◼   ► others you know trying to shut me down i

◼   ► have a quorum later you can hang on a

◼   ► second

◼   ► are you there are you the room or you

◼   ► the body or you the decision in this

◼   ► exactly

◼   ► that's probably it that's part of the

◼   ► deliberation i am the room i am the body

◼   ► and i am the decision and that is the

◼   ► very beginning in the beginning was the

◼   ► word and the Word was John and then it's

◼   ► Turtles all the way down ten dollars in

◼   ► 18-49 the equivalent would be two

◼   ► hundred and ninety-eight dollars and

◼   ► twenty-eight cents in today's dollars

◼   ► that's to sleep on board

◼   ► well I'm stating some hotels that cost

◼   ► more than that don't know I little more

◼   ► little bored and I right never picked

◼   ► New York City i stayed on somebody

◼   ► else's dime

◼   ► i'm happy to say i stayed I we're in

◼   ► times square because it was near where

◼   ► we had to do a thing and it was

◼   ► literally five hundred dollars a night

◼   ► and they didn't mention that they were

◼   ► shutting off the water at seven in the

◼   ► morning i guess i mentioned it was on a

◼   ► piece of paper somewhere on a desk but

◼   ► what by the way your five-hundred-dollar

◼   ► night hotel room will not have water

◼   ► renovations everything in New York is

◼   ► constantly being renovated

◼   ► yeah i mean it's it's like it's like

◼   ► what you like to paint the Golden Gate

◼   ► Bridge they're always paying great

◼   ► brakes are they just going to start over

◼   ► it's already time to repaint the bridge

◼   ► yeah it's like you've always been at war

◼   ► you know what I mean with shanna or

◼   ► whatever I had one of those in chicago i

◼   ► stated again not on my dime but a very

◼   ► nice hotel there on the lake on the gold

◼   ► coast and at seven o'clock in the

◼   ► morning i woke up to the sound of some

◼   ► guys who were standing right outside my

◼   ► window although it was on the 24th floor

◼   ► because they were standing on a giant

◼   ► crane that was at seven o'clock in the

◼   ► morning proceeding to like swing a

◼   ► wrecking ball at the building next door

◼   ► and I felt the same way like this hotel

◼   ► I mean you could feed a Romanian village

◼   ► for a year with what this hotel room

◼   ► costs and and and lice and I feel like

◼   ► I'm in a 50-gallon drum with bowling

◼   ► balls going over the Niagara Falls

◼   ► [Music]

◼   ► which is which you probably have done at

◼   ► one point or another I think it's very

◼   ► frustrating and you know that the way

◼   ► they try to do this now is they got like

◼   ► the fakie boutique hotels i blame a lot

◼   ► of this on the wi like a w I stayed at

◼   ► the W there in your city

◼   ► yeah it's a nice place i think though

◼   ► the whole thing of going in and getting

◼   ► a urine-soaked oba hotel and then

◼   ► charging $300 and because you got black

◼   ► carpeting i don't i don't love this

◼   ► pattern and I think a lot of people were

◼   ► doing it more poorly they make the room

◼   ► smaller and then there's disco all night

◼   ► all night long there's a disco i stated

◼   ► place in New York is very costly John

◼   ► they had a white noise machine built

◼   ► into the room because so deafening was

◼   ► the disco i think was like Italian disco

◼   ► yeah she's worse than regular disco and

◼   ► just going to stay all night and your

◼   ► thing is you're basically you're inside

◼   ► like a big the costly toilet paper tube

◼   ► it's just I don't know a lot about

◼   ► physics but the booming of the italian

◼   ► disco flies up this chimney of pain

◼   ► you're sleeping you're on the perimeter

◼   ► of the chimney of paint and it's just

◼   ► it's coming straight up on my long

◼   ► yeah it's like trying to sleep in the in

◼   ► the bathroom of a virgin america flight

◼   ► that's a nice for the day and nice

◼   ► flights want to stick the fucking apples

◼   ► in your ear it's ridiculous

◼   ► 21 Seattle is nice well that this

◼   ► boutique hotel thing is sweeping the

◼   ► nation the ace hotel doesn't love the

◼   ► ace does it really well have you stayed

◼   ► at the ACO need to you live there

◼   ► well I've said all the Aces to you can I

◼   ► did you compensate the room I was in

◼   ► that time I did it it was it was a

◼   ► really in that manager was just the best

◼   ► yeah place in seattle is forget his name

◼   ► but he's from enemies from Boston and

◼   ► he's the best if you ever need to sleep

◼   ► in seattle and your mom's house is full

◼   ► go to the ACE i thought i was very

◼   ► impressed with the ACE I think about

◼   ► days though is that it is an old

◼   ► flophouse the walls are little Finn you

◼   ► can hear people having sex in the room

◼   ► next door i did i told you this

◼   ► yeah well no I it's a common experience

◼   ► a nice place to go have sex like it but

◼   ► it was like you're in a high school play

◼   ► and it said now have sex for six hours

◼   ► it was like it was like two people

◼   ► yelling realized well than i did like

◼   ► people yelling for Samuel French think

◼   ► it's very costly

◼   ► since and they mostly were just yelling

◼   ► for a few hours and ladies coming ah ah

◼   ► she's like she's stuck gets unstuck in a

◼   ► zipper

◼   ► yeah then your common thing with young

◼   ► people i think that they have seen so

◼   ► much porn

◼   ► yes but they have no concept of how to

◼   ► have sex

◼   ► where they aren't performing for an

◼   ► invisible camera

◼   ► oh I i totally agree and you're making

◼   ► fake noises they're making fake faces

◼   ► have you ever had well you have been

◼   ► married for a long time no but I had

◼   ► I've had had sex twice before I got

◼   ► married and I may I can remember me more

◼   ► about it was no but listen here's the

◼   ► thing you and I were raised properly we

◼   ► were raised we masturbate in magazines

◼   ► we understood there was a certain level

◼   ► of uh artful artifice to this we

◼   ► understood that you know what I mean no

◼   ► but you know what sometimes you wash off

◼   ► the fucking greasepaint you get off the

◼   ► goddamn stage he just got to just you

◼   ► just go downtown you get the business

◼   ► done and then you go to sleep maybe

◼   ► watch a movie but you know I think I

◼   ► think these kids they get the porn very

◼   ► early and plus you got you got you got

◼   ► christina aguilera it's not just the

◼   ► kids it's a it's all the people that are

◼   ► like watching porn compulsively

◼   ► Christina Aguilera if she's very shiny

◼   ► and I just pray to God that that's

◼   ► Purell because I think she's she's

◼   ► looking like a doorknob

◼   ► it's a good to do it's douche i don't

◼   ► think it's due

◼   ► well it was originally it was do now its

◼   ► place that's like entertainment bukkake

◼   ► I don't know what's going on somebody

◼   ► needs to get a fucking squeegee a hose

◼   ► on that lady and she's just getting

◼   ► shinier and shinier and I think that's

◼   ► what you're facing nowadays you got the

◼   ► YouTube right you know and then people

◼   ► just yelling there's a lot of yelling

◼   ► there's not a face making like I get a

◼   ► base base when we look up a tab and the

◼   ► bad bass players making that bass face

◼   ► and I have guitar face i've been told

◼   ► that our face you don't have that

◼   ► there's this there's this sex face that

◼   ► you see now where people like you know I

◼   ► work we can be people there you go

◼   ► what why are you making that face what

◼   ► do you--what do you see that John was

◼   ► watching numbers are you on youtube or

◼   ► where do you see that would be 6a so you

◼   ► know I and as there's someone who isn't

◼   ► married i have encountered a no

◼   ► not-not-not I should tremendous

◼   ► cross-section of of sex faces but I've

◼   ► seen I've seen a few secs faces and and

◼   ► you know it

◼   ► natural one is one at a certain point in

◼   ► in the act of sex

◼   ► one hopes that one loses us the sense of

◼   ► self-awareness one loses if one is doing

◼   ► it correctly truly ecstatic state if you

◼   ► like where you are no longer aware of

◼   ► how you appear if you can't you're doing

◼   ► sex recognition sing them you're if

◼   ► you're mean if you're making intercourse

◼   ► the correct way I hope you'll agree with

◼   ► this you should look pretty stupid

◼   ► you're gonna look stupid

◼   ► you should both look stupid yeah sure

◼   ► learn arabic if you don't look stupid

◼   ► you're doing it wrong yeah you don't

◼   ► know you're going to look terrible

◼   ► you're gonna look like somebody like

◼   ► like somebody just ran you through an

◼   ► oil pipeline or like i don't know as i

◼   ► get older more things to me look like

◼   ► someone trying to have a BM like when

◼   ► people have intercourse because that's

◼   ► your benchmark that's your benchmark was

◼   ► also successful BM you don't get to pick

◼   ► your problems in life John they pick you

◼   ► up just like thug life

◼   ► I assume but here's one thing I've been

◼   ► doing this sex acts so much it's like

◼   ► one of my best p.m. i said this recently

◼   ► on a social media site that I think I

◼   ► think that's what happens when

◼   ► especially teenagers in my neighborhood

◼   ► the matheletes the Chinese rap Chinese

◼   ► kids been through their teeth

◼   ► I think the idea of looking tough looks

◼   ► a lot like they're trying to decide

◼   ► whether they're having a PM it's not

◼   ► even a turtle nests are going there

◼   ► sitting there going I i'm not sure what

◼   ► this is but this is the way I look and I

◼   ► tell you know what that is that's the 21

◼   ► Jump Street gangster face that's like a

◼   ► twenty-year-old reference John this

◼   ► isn't an old show is nothing like we're

◼   ► in college

◼   ► 21 Jump Street yeah that was that was

◼   ► the show we're at the time it was

◼   ► released it was really street or at

◼   ► least it will pursue it was perceived as

◼   ► being really street so they swapped out

◼   ► Johnny Depp for Richard Grieco was at

◼   ► that show i think Johnny Depp was in it

◼   ► for the whole time but actually this is

◼   ► richard grieco is here footless who is

◼   ► he

◼   ► I have no idea let's see related James

◼   ► Franco all those people with ethnic

◼   ► names I feel like they're all the same

◼   ► have mixed feelings about James Franco

◼   ► and very interested in James Franco but

◼   ► I kind of mixed feelings

◼   ► he looks to board Frankie spreading

◼   ► himself a little thin I see him and I

◼   ► think I look at is a look at his resume

◼   ► and I go oh right this is the resume

◼   ► when I was in high school this is the

◼   ► resume that i thought i would have

◼   ► like seven Ivy League degrees cooler

◼   ► painful i'm really pull Ivy League

◼   ► schools plus he's doing awards shows and

◼   ► eating his arms in which his arm in the

◼   ► movie he's his arm he he is on a he's on

◼   ► a soap opera and people think it's an

◼   ► art installation he goes to an art

◼   ► installation people think the sports

◼   ► opera Rick Springfield did a long time

◼   ► ago in here but nobody thought he was an

◼   ► art slice from australia i think Rick

◼   ► Springfield's I don't have the job to

◼   ► check that we're going to class dog can

◼   ► i just say i have not I i can feel like

◼   ► i can summon James Franco's face and at

◼   ► least in my head with my filing system i

◼   ► have its kind of he's a little bit James

◼   ► Dean via the this murky guy from 91 out

◼   ► 9125 which was the show which was the

◼   ► show with trevor rabin that one with the

◼   ► summer Rae but John Anderson that's 9125

◼   ► right John Anderson from yes and from

◼   ► Arabia and that was produced by Trevor

◼   ► Horn I think not extremely horny don't

◼   ► you windows the TV show 9125 yes record

◼   ► that's the Graduate great yes record you

◼   ► think it's Rachel I don't tell it's like

◼   ► those Don Henley records I can't

◼   ► separate them from my teenage its kind

◼   ► of ways that the Fairlight what are they

◼   ► using on that a lot of fairlight and it

◼   ► wasn't like an early their lap top that

◼   ► they have the stamp you know 60 or side

◼   ► of the the yeah I don't get yamaha dx7

◼   ► the Nexus 7 is like paneling in the

◼   ► eighties basement that cannot be removed

◼   ► it's all that one stupid what's love got

◼   ► to do with it like Flutie harmonic

◼   ► ething yeah it's on everything i was

◼   ► watching something the other day a

◼   ► television show maybe or or a movie

◼   ► probably youtube bloody so much meet you

◼   ► it was some kind of moving pictures with

◼   ► sound and and the soundtrack was they

◼   ► hadn't even if they hadn't even moved to

◼   ► the faders under dx7 sound wave pattern

◼   ► had not been altered it was just some

◼   ► guy playing some chords on a dx7 and I

◼   ► wanted to I wanted to throw the entire

◼   ► whatever device that was I was watching

◼   ► it on even if that was a movie theater I

◼   ► want to throw it in the ocean right

◼   ► because it wasn't intended to be funny

◼   ► it was just like whoever the music

◼   ► supervisor who whoever the music

◼   ► supervisor was it was that that person

◼   ► was related to the director they had to

◼   ► because there's no other way they could

◼   ► have gotten that job don't you think

◼   ► every night every era but it just seems

◼   ► like there are certain sounds that are

◼   ► never going to escape that area i would

◼   ► say in there for at least the

◼   ► mid-eighties it was the dx7 and the

◼   ► fucking Phil Collins over gated snares

◼   ► yeah but i can't i'm not going to go on

◼   ► record as being against gated snails

◼   ► come on i lived through those anti gated

◼   ► snare Wars where every time you walk

◼   ► into a studio that'd be somebody student

◼   ► let yall smuggler but it is because

◼   ► you're friends with chris wallace and he

◼   ► likes Bowie this is your problem this is

◼   ► your problem not your problem chris

◼   ► wallace problem i came of age during

◼   ► this time when when when when you were

◼   ► not supposed to use reverb on things

◼   ► that you are not supposed to get your

◼   ► snares and and my feeling then as now is

◼   ► if you do it and it works now we're just

◼   ► gonna have to agree that you're wrong

◼   ► what an idea of a copy of David Bowie's

◼   ► low i heard you heard it right heard

◼   ► yeah okay now that you're allowed to use

◼   ► gate that's 1977 and I think a lot of

◼   ► the wallet I don't let that super

◼   ► familiar with chris wallace like exact

◼   ► production things but I think he's an

◼   ► acolyte or a follower of that like let's

◼   ► put another mic over here and get it

◼   ► idea right so you get this weird you get

◼   ► a day so i think thatís does too but

◼   ► you get like kind of a snappy echo that

◼   ► only comes in after a certain amount of

◼   ► the trigger right so what would use that

◼   ► but it's not he doesn't overuse and

◼   ► bearing ok you wasn't Walsman a his

◼   ► principal is if you have something like

◼   ► that like a trick you use it once on a

◼   ► record this is the John Vanderslice

◼   ► ization of indie rock

◼   ► well now vanderslice that you point that

◼   ► you coin that yeah that's it

◼   ► vanderslice is a different here that's a

◼   ► different candle wax lander slices then

◼   ► going to run it

◼   ► he's gonna he's gonna print it to tape

◼   ► he's going to hand it to an intern and

◼   ► he's going to buy that in turn a one-way

◼   ► ticket to Istanbul

◼   ► and the kids going to run stamp on it

◼   ► just stamp on it he's gonna go to his

◼   ► double and he's gonna you know he's

◼   ► gonna give it to you had call that

◼   ► people lay hands on it and then bring it

◼   ► back and they call it the Turkish stomp

◼   ► and then you bring it back you run it

◼   ► through something you get a bit crusher

◼   ► on it

◼   ► yeah right breasts are exactly what

◼   ► you're going through run through the

◼   ► hands and a rat and then what do i do

◼   ► then you literally throw it out because

◼   ► usually it's too much then you realize

◼   ► that too much

◼   ► no i did i'm not above that we had a

◼   ► track on our first record where we had

◼   ► Scott McCoy from the young fresh fellows

◼   ► come in and stand in the room we

◼   ► couldn't think of anything for him to do

◼   ► to the track because there was there was

◼   ► too much music under already so we just

◼   ► put a microphone pointed it at Scott

◼   ► McCoy and had him stand there for three

◼   ► minutes and then as we were mixing it we

◼   ► just brought up the sound of Scotland

◼   ► boy in the room into the track so he's

◼   ► on there

◼   ► let's take it a little more coin in my

◼   ► headphones it's just the sound of him

◼   ► perspiring and it's on the track that

◼   ► must have taken a lot of restraint for

◼   ► him he seems like an energetic guy

◼   ► well I think I think he was you know he

◼   ► was reading or something

◼   ► their second album didn't you he played

◼   ► harmonica but you sampled it to do

◼   ► something weird with didn't separate he

◼   ► so we're we're running the track by he's

◼   ► out in the room he has a here's this

◼   ► boomerang pedal which is a kind of

◼   ► little sampler looper device her and he

◼   ► starts playing the harmonica into this

◼   ► thing he's not paying attention to us at

◼   ► all

◼   ► he's listening to the track go by

◼   ► playing harmonica into this and starts

◼   ► looping it and then he's playing the

◼   ► looper and this is not a computer you

◼   ► know this is like this is a foot pedal

◼   ► he's playing the his harmonica part and

◼   ► we just tracked it as he did it I mean

◼   ► we didn't we didn't do any within monkey

◼   ► with it at all he just laid that track

◼   ► down he's an enormously creative

◼   ► individual that's Brian bridal right

◼   ► correct

◼   ► I don't know that song I I yeah but you

◼   ► know what i like that song still there's

◼   ► hope we have a young fresh fellows fan

◼   ► of the massive young freshman you could

◼   ► be from the Northwest during that era

◼   ► and not know every one of those that was

◼   ► a man that one song i can just I can and

◼   ► do listen to it over and over

◼   ► have you seen the young fresh fellows

◼   ► recently first no semicolon I the first

◼   ► show i saw when i moved to Tallahassee

◼   ► 1991 was young fresh fellows it was a it

◼   ► was on the this one's for the ladies i

◼   ► want to say yeah which is on a belief

◼   ► well young fresh fellows still are able

◼   ► to get come together and put on an

◼   ► amazing rock show i'm gonna be playing a

◼   ► show with them tomorrow I can guess why

◼   ► two words it's her

◼   ► my guess is gonna guess to block that

◼   ► brings the ruckus he really does but a

◼   ► general statement she still jumps right

◼   ► jumps around is amazing they all jump

◼   ► car and the that they really have it all

◼   ► but the reason for the show tomorrow is

◼   ► what there's just one word you need to

◼   ► say and weekends benefit it is a benefit

◼   ► but it's a benefit for a good cause but

◼   ► the second is the second kind of benefit

◼   ► right it's a benefit for your friend is

◼   ► that it that's right that's exactly

◼   ► right it's the good kind of benefit

◼   ► which is the one where you know the

◼   ► person and you care about them

◼   ► you should write about this yeah i wrote

◼   ► about it i wrote about the wrong kind of

◼   ► benefit the kind where somebody cold

◼   ► calls you and says hey I've got a thing

◼   ► that I've got a I've got an event that i

◼   ► want you to donate your time and effort

◼   ► to that will really do nothing for any

◼   ► problems that we have a friend is he he

◼   ► suffers from ass polyps we're gonna be

◼   ► at the crocodile and it would be OH some

◼   ► you know if you could come in headline

◼   ► it I got it I got an email from a kid on

◼   ► facebook the other day who said i'm

◼   ► putting together some benefit shows to

◼   ► benefit my

◼   ► benefit my

◼   ► a charity and my charity is called

◼   ► charities for benefits

◼   ► let's look at the handsy scheme it was

◼   ► its eye I see this all the time young

◼   ► people they think oh I want to do

◼   ► something good I want to help with other

◼   ► people get a job exactly habitat for

◼   ► humanity we don't need another we don't

◼   ► need another charity goes Liz lose the

◼   ► Hat you know cover the tattoos and

◼   ► fucking grab a broom yeah good donate

◼   ► some time you started go what go wash a

◼   ► car show but please pick up pick up an

◼   ► old person off the ground these kids are

◼   ► too important yeah they're all people

◼   ► lying on the ground what you want to do

◼   ► it all through the one thing is the book

◼   ► facebook is not a job it's an election

◼   ► they do that they're the two they think

◼   ► they're too fucking important to go work

◼   ► for somebody else's to way too important

◼   ► because they have they went to college

◼   ► for two years and so they're gonna start

◼   ► a new charity and this new charity is

◼   ► going to really this is going to be the

◼   ► thing that really helps people and the

◼   ► way this charity is going to earn money

◼   ► is they're going to ask their favorite

◼   ► bands to play for free and because of

◼   ► everybody knows that bans make millions

◼   ► and millions of dollars and so they can

◼   ► just give it on you so you're gonna have

◼   ► a show and it's gonna run 1 million

◼   ► dollars and the band isn't going to miss

◼   ► it because they'll just go play another

◼   ► show and make another million any idea

◼   ► what kind of exposure you get out of

◼   ► something like that you get a lot of

◼   ► exposure lot of exposure you know the

◼   ► payment is the exposure the rest is just

◼   ► gravy

◼   ► because you loved to play music that's

◼   ► why it's you should you get to do that a

◼   ► lot of people don't get to do that

◼   ► because they have a job but this is also

◼   ► this is the kind of this is very much

◼   ► the the sex face hat types they wanted

◼   ► they just think they can they can sit

◼   ► around with their with the facebook and

◼   ► go make up a charity and a hard-working

◼   ► man like you a man from Alaska and

◼   ► Washington is going to show up

◼   ► I just want my hammer yeah so right oh

◼   ► yeah I'm sawing hammering sawing a

◼   ► hatchet in fact i wanna catch it but

◼   ► fell off a ladder and hit me on the head

◼   ► but I don't want to recapitulate now I

◼   ► angry tirades against the young asshat

◼   ► say we're gonna need a lot of Z if we

◼   ► keep doing this we're going to need to

◼   ► probably come back around to that at

◼   ► some point well I'm glad that you're

◼   ► taking notes in advance because I mean

◼   ► at first I thought that was going to

◼   ► inhibit us

◼   ► I would never do anything knowledgeably

◼   ► knowingly to to inhibit us but I'm not

◼   ► you like to make notes I has already has

◼   ► an index cards i have something but

◼   ► here's the problem John this is the

◼   ► problem and I you know I do the the

◼   ► stuff they talk about things and like

◼   ► this is the problem people say to me oh

◼   ► you're being fancy you're being fancy by

◼   ► wanting to know why I want to have an

◼   ► hour and a half long meeting with you

◼   ► can't we just schedule a phone call and

◼   ► it could be what we're going to talk

◼   ► about life and it could be i'm just

◼   ► gonna fart it could just be your you

◼   ► know I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna pitch

◼   ► you about my new my new enterprise

◼   ► solution it's like you know what fucking

◼   ► write down what you want you want an

◼   ► hour and a half of my life like write

◼   ► down what you want to talk about is that

◼   ► so complicated

◼   ► yeah and here's the problem is that does

◼   ► not make me fancy it makes you stupid

◼   ► right

◼   ► not me but you know no no I'm clearly

◼   ► the other people that's the problem and

◼   ► that's the real problem that's the

◼   ► problem that's this is literally the ad

◼   ► at behind the mountain the bigger

◼   ► problem the era can't see cause he's

◼   ► fucking around with scorpions and a

◼   ► flashlight

◼   ► my concern is that i'm not being fancy

◼   ► you are you are not taking it seriously

◼   ► if you if you not being you being every

◼   ► literally everyone else if you are if

◼   ► you are that upset about me wanting to

◼   ► know why you want a fucking hour and a

◼   ► half of my time

◼   ► the problem is you my friend you need to

◼   ► think about your priorities if you like

◼   ► you need to think about that because if

◼   ► you're not taking that time seriously

◼   ► why would anyone else and I think that's

◼   ► the problem

◼   ► your move and you do this for a living

◼   ► you know you're not do this you don't

◼   ► you don't get late anymore look at you

◼   ► I know right this is not what you do and

◼   ► if you're gonna play a show Brando

◼   ► that's not even with a chair which era

◼   ► like the apocalypse now Marlon Brando

◼   ► Martin Brando all right he's learning a

◼   ► heart attack in a partner now got

◼   ► different guy

◼   ► um I want to come back to this one

◼   ► company you taught me what you had most

◼   ► of what passes as as corporate business

◼   ► time most of what is happening in

◼   ► business is people just improvising ways

◼   ► to kill hours of the day between when

◼   ► they have to be at work and when they

◼   ► get to go home and so they only have an

◼   ► hour and a half for the work to do but

◼   ► they have to go to court work work work

◼   ► so sick

◼   ► and a half hours of the day they're

◼   ► sending e-mails back and forth to each

◼   ► other and having meetings with each

◼   ► other and walking from cubicle to

◼   ► cubicle generating you know kinetic

◼   ► energy generating static electricity

◼   ► basically as a way of you know of

◼   ► looking like it's looking like they're

◼   ► working and you if you're going to

◼   ► generate six hours of static electricity

◼   ► it's going to be because you are because

◼   ► you're humping your couch or whatever

◼   ► like me I don't wanna environment as if

◼   ► I'm gonna be I'm gonna spend that six

◼   ► hours i want to spend in the bathtub i

◼   ► don't want to spend it sitting leaving

◼   ► on a water cooler but the problem is now

◼   ► you're the dick riding the dick when

◼   ► somebody says we're the dick and this is

◼   ► the problem is that somebody comes to

◼   ► you and out of nowhere you know they

◼   ► just I it's not a problem like I'm sure

◼   ► you play benefits for things you care

◼   ► about like when your pals house burns

◼   ► down or whatever you go happily play a

◼   ► benefit because the benefit tomorrow but

◼   ► somebody thinks it through they do a

◼   ► thing and they say here's the thing you

◼   ► know that one guy he's got a problem

◼   ► with complaints benefit I think it's a

◼   ► very long way from a guy with a hat and

◼   ► figured out how to get something on

◼   ► facebook and now that's a charity

◼   ► somehow I think that's automatic I think

◼   ► there should be a way to vet this and I

◼   ► i think that the the last thing they

◼   ► need is to have some kind of charity

◼   ► about their charity and you know really

◼   ► you know now and half a very long time

◼   ► for a phone call any oil in any case but

◼   ► this is the way these people work this

◼   ► is that sa somebody wrote a few years

◼   ► ago that was interesting about the

◼   ► difference between like you know the

◼   ► hammer swing and developers and the

◼   ► managers the managers are used to slice

◼   ► on their day in into one hour blocks of

◼   ► literal bullshit figuratively literal

◼   ► bullshit

◼   ► whereas forgot lakhs of bullshit hmmm I

◼   ► uh huh that's why I that's why I left

◼   ► Oklahoma and never went back

◼   ► that's right oh if you've ever been a

◼   ► little bullshit farmer you know that

◼   ► those days are hard time here the Dust

◼   ► Bowl was very hard on that I think Simon

◼   ► a book about that the shutters you get

◼   ► the ship cutters blockers but anyway but

◼   ► every time somebody cut the block of

◼   ► shit i'll be there and every time i was

◼   ► looking up but i was looking up

◼   ► bismarck

◼   ► the city or the guy know the former but

◼   ► the Chancellor of Germany who and I put

◼   ► Bismarck into into google who the first

◼   ► name that came up was biz markie that's

◼   ► a twenty-year-old failure and a lot of

◼   ► levels John I don't know what to do

◼   ► nobody cares about Bismarck anymore I

◼   ► want to come back the hats i wanna come

◼   ► back tattoos i have five added invented

◼   ► girls to the list

◼   ► just look at women and girls we should

◼   ► do a whole thing on girls want to talk

◼   ► more about the ghouls and so what I'll

◼   ► do is I will capture all of this and and

◼   ► share with you i guess i could tell exit

◼   ► or something so you can look at our God

◼   ► week John 10 but advanced ok juggalos

◼   ► and Angelina Jolie was just you know you

◼   ► just as the moment as a mom strategy

◼   ► because I'm sure between now and the

◼   ► next time we talk you're gonna have

◼   ► another three by five card fill up with

◼   ► ideas I juggling knows he's crazy and

◼   ► that's kind of his deal

◼   ► I don't think Angelina Jolie really

◼   ► knows that she's crazy she has to feel

◼   ► like I'm what level I gotta go haha I'm

◼   ► silly I'm gonna sing karaoke level or

◼   ► like like I'm going to keep human blood

◼   ► in a necklace level

◼   ► oh yeah I think Angelina Jolie has to

◼   ► live in one live in one of the craziest

◼   ► bubbles in the universe and inside the

◼   ► bubble it's what makes it crazy is that

◼   ► it's relentlessly saying is a follow me

◼   ► it's a bombing fucking 72 degrees we

◼   ► just you just pick up kids like like

◼   ► like free free newspapers you just get

◼   ► them you collect them yet

◼   ► it's gonna be a weird bubble no I but

◼   ► she's in there she's in there buttering

◼   ► toast

◼   ► she's in there with some lightly melted

◼   ► butter she's just buttering perfectly

◼   ► toasted bread thinking this is all

◼   ► totally normal do to do to do i am a

◼   ► normal person i would if i could find

◼   ► out not a creepy way but i would find

◼   ► out where she lives and go nowhere near

◼   ► whatever playground she has access to

◼   ► because i think it's probably disappear

◼   ► I don't think she can control it anymore

◼   ► i think it I think it's like it's like

◼   ► it's like shoplifting or getting a

◼   ► tattoo which he has many of you can't

◼   ► you can't control anymore

◼   ► this is the thing when you have

◼   ► unlimited money and unlimited power

◼   ► like how that manifests itself whoo-hoo

◼   ► if my feeling is that if you use

◼   ► unlimited money and unlimited power and

◼   ► your and your instinct is to help kids

◼   ► you are a creep you know what I mean

◼   ► like that's creepy not really

◼   ► how would you know what will be a better

◼   ► use of that something work myself

◼   ► involved

◼   ► absolutely you should be living in a

◼   ► castle and you should have a place

◼   ► Rocking boys peeling grapes for you or

◼   ► like it lasers and elevators large tvs

◼   ► you should be like a mad scientist and a

◼   ► Jonathan Coulton song who you should not

◼   ► be any metaphorical no literally

◼   ► ok you should live in a jonathan coulton

◼   ► song you should not be living in an

◼   ► upper west side apartment who and have

◼   ► and be married to Woody Allen and I

◼   ► walking around with this roller walk

◼   ► around the stroller and coffee and act

◼   ► like that's fucking normal

◼   ► it's not normal but it's not normal and

◼   ► that doesn't even make sense if you had

◼   ► that kind of dough and you were not

◼   ► spending it on something completely

◼   ► insane that is a form of insanity

◼   ► you should have a Maserati with white

◼   ► leather carpet white leather floors are

◼   ► you boy

◼   ► wait white leather carpeting Cena that

◼   ► you know what right there this is why

◼   ► there should be a charity for you

◼   ► somebody you know what get halfway to go

◼   ► start a charity for you because I think

◼   ► if you're if you're functioning on a

◼   ► level and i have to say this is a very

◼   ► different level than a lot of people are

◼   ► functioning on laterally and and

◼   ► hierarchically if you can come up with

◼   ► something like white leather carpeting

◼   ► there's no fucking reason that you

◼   ► should be living in that farmhouse here

◼   ► and you should be somewhere you should

◼   ► be somewhere much more interesting and

◼   ► potentially terrifying think about if

◼   ► James Franco and I switched places and I

◼   ► what I had James Franco's power i had

◼   ► his is like our credibility and his his

◼   ► ability to walk into a room blase and

◼   ► stoned and had everybody in the room

◼   ► think that he's the coolest permanent

◼   ► permanent sex face if I had permanent

◼   ► sex phase and was livings and was like

◼   ► commuting between New Haven and New York

◼   ► City and LA and fucking budapest or

◼   ► whatever james franco is doing this week

◼   ► if I had that power you think I wouldn't

◼   ► have

◼   ► leather carpet I'm talking would and you

◼   ► know he's probably living in a loft

◼   ► space where he had some some friend of

◼   ► his cum spray paint a mural you know

◼   ► sprinting a mural that has like that has

◼   ► a six in it or something and and and

◼   ► he's like a wedgie

◼   ► well you know he's got a refrigerator

◼   ► and all that's in there is Cristal

◼   ► champagne and pabst blue ribbon he could

◼   ► have white leather carpet person is not

◼   ► even a question about it

◼   ► the thing is that i want to be up i want

◼   ► to go to a much higher level than that i

◼   ► would love to get to the white leather

◼   ► carpeting level and if I did I i would

◼   ► be an unholy combination of like Robert

◼   ► Evans and cthulhu I would be I would be

◼   ► causing so many problems for so many

◼   ► people

◼   ► the line between Robert Evans and

◼   ► Cthulhu is not really that dick I think

◼   ► Robert Evans has more phones parties

◼   ► always on the phone

◼   ► oh my god that would be so that you just

◼   ► you just you just gave me a vision in my

◼   ► horrific mythical character with white

◼   ► leather carpeting one another car for

◼   ► you bet your ass is and 30 phones on the

◼   ► desk

◼   ► 30 phones all of them just ringing all

◼   ► the time program to rain

◼   ► they're not even phone calls no just

◼   ► this is it's like that it's like that

◼   ► scene in Boogie Nights where the where

◼   ► the kids throwing firecrackers huh in

◼   ► now exhale god I love that scene and

◼   ► shipped all over my house

◼   ► they're just old fashioned phone's

◼   ► constantly ringing everybody knows

◼   ► there's nobody there and not not ringing

◼   ► like ring ring ring but like a ringing

◼   ► randomly random pattern somewhere in

◼   ► your head even though he has literally

◼   ► been dead for years you're thinking it

◼   ► could be charlie bit hard it's maybe him

◼   ► pick-up-the-phone forgot to pick up the

◼   ► phone was Frank Sinatra fan of me he was

◼   ► not all right I want to come back to the

◼   ► jugglers and Frank Sinatra Frank Sinatra

◼   ► is not drawn this very bar took a shit

◼   ► on my wife's chest and it was a fucking

◼   ► honor take a shit right now if you have

◼   ► not had taken a shit on Ali McGraw

◼   ► you're not

◼   ► lived she's the most beautiful woman

◼   ► I've ever met Charlie bhutan I gotta go

◼   ► we gotta go we gotta get this angelina

◼   ► jolie thing figured out and I week at

◼   ► for a variety of reasons we have to come

◼   ► back to tattoos but we should we should

◼   ► follow up on that later now that can't

◼   ► be a running the country right now jesus

◼   ► fucking christ the chili we gotta get

◼   ► this here's my problem i have i have six

◼   ► different kinds of canned chili

◼   ► downstairs and I don't want any of

◼   ► transporting Travis more senior chili

◼   ► one-time charges more as it tried to eat

◼   ► my chili and I stood a thwart his i

◼   ► stood i stood for the pantry door and

◼   ► said stop who

◼   ► but his band of his band of as burgers

◼   ► in Iraq ding-dongs ended up doing an end

◼   ► run and ate all my pasta

◼   ► here's here's a loser here's your new

◼   ► dismemberment plan he touched my fucking

◼   ► chill you lose a hand that's you need to

◼   ► send dismemberment plan

◼   ► yeah i hear the problem with the get

◼   ► canned chili

◼   ► ok it's like hormel or do you get like

◼   ► Arsenal silly from i'm always trying to

◼   ► find the perfect and chili I realize you

◼   ► can't put chili in a can

◼   ► I mean you can who but but that's not

◼   ► the chili than I want I want I want I

◼   ► want super good homemade chili who

◼   ► because they're too many things that can

◼   ► go wrong between a cow in a field and a

◼   ► can of chili and we're not getting where

◼   ► to begin

◼   ► like here's a counter field he's eating

◼   ► grass sunny day and then there's

◼   ► something happens a lot of those beans

◼   ► are not getting treated like the Hope

◼   ► Diamond either i would not cry might be

◼   ► a I'm a beam i'm on a bean plant i'm in

◼   ► the infield it's sunny day and then

◼   ► something happens and boom I'm in a can

◼   ► of chili whatever that something is in

◼   ► between its I can't be good and you know

◼   ► I i like to eat cows who but i don't i

◼   ► want to eat a cow that was having a nice

◼   ► day and then somebody was like hey Cal

◼   ► come here

◼   ► hey buddy come here I want to show you

◼   ► something and then I was the last thing

◼   ► the cow ever saw and then those people

◼   ► were like oh this cow he gave his life

◼   ► for this meat and we should cherish it

◼   ► we should we should treat it like a like

◼   ► the sacrament that

◼   ► it is and put it into this handcrafted

◼   ► chili over that is so sacred and

◼   ► delicious that the cow is proud to have

◼   ► been a part of this chilly in retrospect

◼   ► a day for Cal could

◼   ► if the cow could see this chilly this

◼   ► cow the cow would have been proud but I

◼   ► don't think that's what happens i think

◼   ► that they walk they take some cows and