Roderick on the Line

Ep. 04: "Sears Would Call Me Husky"


  hi John how are you hi Marilyn I well uh [TS]

  I'm well I'm well I'm all you something [TS]

  better [TS]

  I mean I've got less bad but i'm not [TS]

  completely well i'm i'm ninety percent [TS]

  better but that ten percent there's a [TS]

  lot of wiggle room in that ten percent [TS]

  like losing me his last 20 pounds so [TS]

  that again never heard that when people [TS]

  say they're trying to lose weight like [TS]

  last five pounds they say its last I [TS]

  don't know that might be one of those [TS]

  dumb things like you always find things [TS]

  last place you look [TS]

  I'm sure makes sense but they say you [TS]

  can lose a bunch of weight last five [TS]

  pounds of hearts for you [TS]

  that's the last mile was like that the [TS]

  last ten percent of sickness I could [TS]

  still turn it around and get pneumonia [TS]

  I could still turn this this almost [TS]

  better pneus into total catastrophic [TS]

  sickness so i have to be very careful at [TS]

  this point that I don't go do what my [TS]

  instinct tells me which is to run [TS]

  bareheaded in the rain in my underwear [TS]

  because i will get i will get pneumonia [TS]

  if i do that and that's what my instinct [TS]

  is telling me who is that it is an [TS]

  instinct you have a lot to that running [TS]

  around without clothes and no hat it is [TS]

  and that's why I don't that's why when [TS]

  people say follow your gut [TS]

  I say shut up my gut is telling me to do [TS]

  incredibly stupid things my gut always [TS]

  told me to fall in love with lesbians my [TS]

  god tells me to go out in the rain [TS]

  without a hat [TS]

  my gut tells me to eat all the pasta [TS]

  literally it's my gut that tells me to [TS]

  do that [TS]

  thank you I can't trust myself is what [TS]

  I'm saying I think you're guest probably [TS]

  seen too many things on cinemax where [TS]

  they make out lesbians and you think [TS]

  that is very attractive to me but then [TS]

  you realize that the person is not [TS]

  featured in the Cinemax movie [TS]

  consistently is you [TS]

  well it's your cinemax references and [TS]

  far off but in fact the lesbians i have [TS]

  traditionally fall in love with are the [TS]

  ones with short black hair and the [TS]

  faintest whisper of a mustache [TS]

  I don't I I'm not interested in in like [TS]

  12 year old boy a John Waters well [TS]

  somewhere in between a twelve-year-old [TS]

  boy and John Waters if John Waters was [TS]

  was a lot shorter and had kind of [TS]

  not-quite boobs but but lumps lady lumps [TS]

  I spent my entire spent my entire [TS]

  twenties chasing after girls that look [TS]

  like Jane Wiedlin from the go-go's and [TS]

  eighty-five percent of them were either [TS]

  gay or we're going through their gay [TS]

  phase at precisely the time that that [TS]

  that we were friends and they wanted to [TS]

  talk about their romantic problems with [TS]

  me [TS]

  that's why I i think it's a big part of [TS]

  why I was an alcoholic the small [TS]

  breasted lesbians [TS]

  yeah the frustration caused by [TS]

  consistently falling in love with boyish [TS]

  girls they always they would always get [TS]

  me what you know I'm not to name names [TS]

  but that was named joanna pony there's [TS]

  this woman that was in spring the [TS]

  minders she was like an engineer on some [TS]

  Elliot's you're like a record seen yeah [TS]

  I know I know what you know her well in [TS]

  northwestern way sure like she's made [TS]

  you drink nod ya not smirk that she [TS]

  became Jim Whelan was obviously in the [TS]

  in the substrata of the the short-haired [TS]

  lesbian cosmology she was quite a [TS]

  constellation but when I saw her playing [TS]

  with the minders I i had to go it was [TS]

  just she's ridiculously skinny and [TS]

  long-armed mhm you know and she [TS]

  engineered elliott smith record so you [TS]

  know but man she can play that base and [TS]

  she's very very tall see they all play [TS]

  the base to the base and the tattoos [TS]

  right that is it all goes together [TS]

  the the base the tattoos the short hair [TS]

  often pierced nipples follow along with [TS]

  that if you get to that point piercing [TS]

  nipples no never did but like on her how [TS]

  she tells it just educated gas pumps in [TS]

  the hipster t like how can you tell well [TS]

  I you know I am NOT new right I've been [TS]

  I've lived I've seen what's under the [TS]

  t-shirts so it went so far as she said [TS]

  I'm going to step off the reservation [TS]

  Kemosabe [TS]

  and so you talking about now wow just [TS]

  just our girl just the girls the girls [TS]

  the yeah you know tight the thing but it [TS]

  seems your comment Pixies because [TS]

  they're like Angry Pixies right Pixies [TS]

  yeah right Pixies pic Pixies but spelt [TS]

  with a bunch of ours in the middle [TS]

  picture sarees that's good or have a [TS]

  Pixies with many x's Pixar's six months [TS]

  just calling Pixar's pretty good that's [TS]

  what they are [TS]

  um yeah you know because they're because [TS]

  of some of them aren't gay that's the [TS]

  frustrating thing the ones that don't [TS]

  just only gay phase that coincides with [TS]

  you trying to get with them i think i [TS]

  think a lot of girls just had a gay [TS]

  phase for the 20 minutes that I was [TS]

  trying to pick up with them pick up on [TS]

  them [TS]

  I mean for I think for a lot of them [TS]

  it's it's like being in the whole wheat [TS]

  pasta or throwing muses it's something [TS]

  you put yourself into completely for a [TS]

  couple weeks but like I gotta live with [TS]

  that now I don't got nothing against [TS]

  throwing muses but no sense memories [TS]

  well you know I'm just saying like you [TS]

  know my record was not the one getting [TS]

  dropped on the needle if you know what I [TS]

  mean yeah and allison i spent so much of [TS]

  my life being in that state sometimes [TS]

  because of pixies often because of a [TS]

  kind of like a like a vaguely athletic [TS]

  girl with a good family [TS]

  those are bad too those are very good [TS]

  chance you have a chance [TS]

  there there there dad makes them laugh [TS]

  you have a chance i know that's the [TS]

  worst when a girl has a really great [TS]

  relationship with her father [TS]

  fuck that and he also is like a rich [TS]

  lawyer I don't know what I call those [TS]

  the cockblock docs anytime you get an MD [TS]

  that's funnier than you [TS]

  Oh Hawking his daughter right right [TS]

  about the mexican dr. well see that's [TS]

  why that's why i was i always had [TS]

  tremendous success with girls that have [TS]

  very conflicted feelings about their [TS]

  father [TS]

  that though that's like that's like [TS]

  getting pre-qualified for a loan for [TS]

  coming for me I was fine i was going [TS]

  through the wall and stuff i was trying [TS]

  to always figure that out [TS]

  birth control pills check [TS]

  antidepressants boo ya no se the house [TS]

  tape we're good [TS]

  I waited till he went to the bathroom [TS]

  and I tried to read their journal before [TS]

  they were before they that I could hear [TS]

  them washing their hands i put their [TS]

  journal back I was like smelling ladies [TS]

  purses and again i really have it with a [TS]

  while ago like a personnel another purse [TS]

  never smelled a purse and a person's [TS]

  that it smells like a like a cow's udder [TS]

  and that's bad how [TS]

  haha i know i I don't want to smell the [TS]

  girl's purse that's like that's like [TS]

  that's like smelling her insider pockets [TS]

  while her pants are still on kind of [TS]

  pants mom jeans it's like smelly inside [TS]

  of a pair of mom jeans ok like bending [TS]

  down and smell it take a big with of the [TS]

  pockets of some mom jeans not something [TS]

  I want to do i'm guessing there's [TS]

  probably some squished up tissues some [TS]

  from their children's not many from her [TS]

  in tears i'm only produce giant keys you [TS]

  have our minivans now write a huge ring [TS]

  of keys the keys have to be that big [TS]

  really irks me I've been there though [TS]

  I've been there I've been there so many [TS]

  times and I feel like there's so many [TS]

  times where I was I the just friends we [TS]

  can talk to about the problems with [TS]

  people talking about the nineties now [TS]

  though [TS]

  yeah and I think times have changed I [TS]

  mean times have definitely changed that [TS]

  they called hookups now the hookups you [TS]

  can get me yeah they sent making [TS]

  pictures to each other on their phones [TS]

  in the nineties it was just a it was a I [TS]

  don't know it was a it was a terrible [TS]

  time it was a terrible time to be a [TS]

  young person it looks good [TS]

  didn't even look good Who am I kidding [TS]

  now the nineties were just we should [TS]

  just let's just never speak of them [TS]

  again [TS]

  I knew it I knew I know how useless I [TS]

  was it like when we graduated from [TS]

  microphone college in 1990 and it was it [TS]

  was like that all people have been [TS]

  classes before it's done all these [TS]

  amazing things they've done things on [TS]

  campus they didn't think nationally [TS]

  internationally the fulbright scholars [TS]

  and then there's a four years that i was [TS]

  there i think i had a big effect on this [TS]

  and then like the year after i left [TS]

  suddenly everybody was doing things to [TS]

  help you [TS]

  fireman and getting good people good [TS]

  people and getting good grants they're [TS]

  way smarter than us and I think that was [TS]

  the problem [TS]

  I i blame us I think we're a big part of [TS]

  the problem you know and I i blame all [TS]

  your buddies up there you you gave you [TS]

  your euro your community gave the world [TS]

  the wrong idea about everything terrible [TS]

  we were terrible and when we were [TS]

  anywhere we were terrible people to have [TS]

  to say really like the worst of like [TS]

  what like la metes slacker air austin [TS]

  there wasn't anything la about it was it [TS]

  was a it was just a take any small town [TS]

  and take the 10 losers that are hanging [TS]

  out under a bridge Smith smoking clove [TS]

  cigarettes and and that and then play [TS]

  them some dinosaur jr records and that [TS]

  they're there you have it there that the [TS]

  Seattle seen in 1992 the thing that [TS]

  frustrates me is that my holy my whole [TS]

  youth the fashion was to wear really [TS]

  baggy on tailored ripped dirty clothes [TS]

  and I remember walking across the [TS]

  university of washington delivered to us [TS]

  literally that's using choosing over [TS]

  other options to acts like a good the [TS]

  girls it when I was 24 a girl could not [TS]

  be more fashionable than if she took a [TS]

  sleeping bag cut armholes in it and roll [TS]

  in some manure you know that was the [TS]

  that was it man [TS]

  oh my god she's so like an organic [TS]

  ground snuggie huh [TS]

  but somewhere around 2,000 i was walking [TS]

  across the university of washington [TS]

  campus and i looked around and i [TS]

  realized everybody was wearing clothes [TS]

  that fit i was it that was it [TS]

  furious was like why are people wearing [TS]

  clothes that fit now I i would have [TS]

  liked this I would have liked to have [TS]

  seen these all these people's bodies [TS]

  it was nice clothes when I was a young [TS]

  man he had it yet and have x-ray vision [TS]

  to know you know everybody i remember [TS]

  going to the thrift store and and i'm [TS]

  looking through the extra large section [TS]

  because I'm an extra-large person and I [TS]

  look around everybody standing around me [TS]

  is 5 foot 6 and 130 pounds and I'm like [TS]

  you people get out of here this [TS]

  is the extra large section it is it [TS]

  should be off-limits 60 on a handicapped [TS]

  parking space [TS]

  it's exactly like that there are not [TS]

  that many extra large sure I need this [TS]

  and I need it and you are a touchy get a [TS]

  hang tag he should get a large man Hank [TS]

  tech you you see the section over there [TS]

  where it says mediums you go over there [TS]

  there are more clothes for you anyway [TS]

  but you know know there is a smirk and [TS]

  save me I thought a little you served [TS]

  because I i slid I was taking a [TS]

  different angle I i slid so easily into [TS]

  what became called grunge because that's [TS]

  how I dressed and i know you went [TS]

  through this as well I mean I I dress [TS]

  like Paul Westerberg before I knew what [TS]

  Paul Westerberg was just how you dress [TS]

  that you know i-i've been just like that [TS]

  since the dukes of hazzard here's what's [TS]

  amazing about you when I look at [TS]

  pictures of you from that era you had an [TS]

  ironic mustache 20 years before the [TS]

  first acceptable ironic mustache [TS]

  I think we're inviting more of a [TS]

  satirical decide whatever it was it was [TS]

  it was hilarious [TS]

  it looked great on you this blonde [TS]

  monster vomits but the first time I [TS]

  thought I was like I was he is that a [TS]

  serious must actually it was borderline [TS]

  like i live in florida and i have a [TS]

  mustache [TS]

  it was what I could grow you know that's [TS]

  the problem Q this is not a problem for [TS]

  very large man like you is like you just [TS]

  you fall asleep you wake up in the [TS]

  morning you're fucking rip van winkle [TS]

  with the giant beard [TS]

  i mean i-i it took a I was one of those [TS]

  people that had to and we think we've [TS]

  talked about this before this is the [TS]

  whole problem with the fucking cotys the [TS]

  goatee is not a decision [TS]

  it's like what's left after shave off [TS]

  the part that wasn't a beard right if [TS]

  they grow big ass beer they would the [TS]

  same with me and that little nonsense i [TS]

  had to sit there like a fucking [TS]

  comb-over waiting for that thing to grow [TS]

  and kind of soothing it down like you're [TS]

  pinching the low for em [TS]

  exactly exactly hope the mustache group [TS]

  III was I don't know the ironic [TS]

  mustaches gonna find one of these [TS]

  pictures just one particular webinar i'm [TS]

  wearing REM shirt and which I know you [TS]

  enjoy that are using that funny that [TS]

  right [TS]

  we talked about REM almost and then now [TS]

  are you broke up people that we almost [TS]

  talked about argument that they broke up [TS]

  it huh [TS]

  I i think we can take credit for I think [TS]

  so I mean I don't think we have a giant [TS]

  amount of like you know market force [TS]

  going on here but we did we did mention [TS]

  that we're going to talk about and then [TS]

  it happened [TS]

  yeah I feel I I feel like whatever I [TS]

  could say about REM has been said so [TS]

  eloquently you said that in your to it [TS]

  was a great to you had that was I'm [TS]

  sorry I'm cutting off but you had a [TS]

  great talk about that where you just [TS]

  said you know I was very very warm see [TS]

  what you said oh I don't remember my [TS]

  tweets 30 seconds after i said that he [TS]

  believed that but but whatever the [TS]

  sentiment was that you know the world [TS]

  the world does not need to hear one more [TS]

  old fuddy-duddy talking about how are [TS]

  you I'm affected them right but here I [TS]

  am tweeting about how are you I'm [TS]

  affected me as a young man I i agree [TS]

  with you in the sense that first of all [TS]

  I'm just sick to death of all this [TS]

  fucking rip so-and-so [TS]

  oh my god senor wences died you know [TS]

  what you want and wikipedia that so you [TS]

  get on some kind of little fucking gravy [TS]

  train on Twitter like you know I want to [TS]

  do anything which is I'm gonna go find [TS]

  people who are almost dead that you [TS]

  should learn to appreciate and so you [TS]

  can like pretty more in them by like [TS]

  actually learning what they did before [TS]

  the day you heard something on google [TS]

  news i hate that I hate that I think [TS]

  it's kind of what happens with ari I [TS]

  mean not like me for anything Kaplan who [TS]

  does that has done the murmurs site for [TS]

  something like 14 years or something [TS]

  like he's pals with them in like he had [TS]

  a legitimate reason to like changes [TS]

  twitter icon and stuff like that i mean [TS]

  you know he's pretty good passes hammond [TS]

  and they meant the world to him and and [TS]

  now they're gone and did you see that [TS]

  picture of Todd Barry Barry posted a [TS]

  picture of himself [TS]

  where he had red hair first of all which [TS]

  was amazing to see but as a young man [TS]

  standing there with you know with the [TS]

  peter buck and mike mills and it's [TS]

  amazing because you recognize Todd right [TS]

  but you but you know that he's a he's a [TS]

  much younger person and then but Peter [TS]

  and mike its they're absolutely [TS]

  iconographic look it is mike mills and [TS]

  peter buck in 1984 like you recognize [TS]

  them you know the clothes there were you [TS]

  know him their hair it is like it's like [TS]

  a it's like a picture off the back of [TS]

  their record except somehow like a [TS]

  teenage Todd berries in the picture it [TS]

  was it was a it's a great photograph and [TS]

  and it increased my increase my respect [TS]

  for Todd Barry immeasurably morning is [TS]

  your photo on the robot that you had a [TS]

  bloop hit the robot what we'll see now [TS]

  what I didn't realize about this podcast [TS]

  was that you were sending me things in [TS]

  real time that I could have gone and [TS]

  looked at and increased my but we were [TS]

  having a multimedia experience where you [TS]

  were sending me things through skype and [TS]

  I kept hearing things good grip [TS]

  mhm and I would look at my computer and [TS]

  configure your heart monitor i was like [TS]

  what are you doing what are you trying [TS]

  to tell me are you beeping at me for [TS]

  some reason and then later on I would [TS]

  close all the windows out and then I [TS]

  would see all this is a metadata that [TS]

  you were sending me about the [TS]

  conversation we were having in real time [TS]

  and I was like I'm not utilizing I'm not [TS]

  utilizing the computer and i'm not using [TS]

  utilizing my brain the way Merlin is [TS]

  Right looking at a picture of you in [TS]

  1987 in what I can only describe as let [TS]

  me let me just give it give it to your [TS]

  top to bottom mhm mullet that's not a [TS]

  molecule must it's a bullet has its much [TS]

  fuller on the sides in a mullet John [TS]

  mustache [TS]

  I would call it more like a like a [TS]

  filter helmet is what here's what the [TS]

  description of a mullet is [TS]

  does the hair is the hair in the front [TS]

  above the ear and I think we can say yes [TS]

  uh I see the ear is the hair in the back [TS]

  touching the shirt check answer yes [TS]

  Aaron front above the ear hair back [TS]

  touching the shirt Mullins sticking up [TS]

  on top [TS]

  ah well see that's the Merlin look right [TS]

  you've got the porcupine I can't control [TS]

  that John Cena making fun of my greater [TS]

  you cut the mustache which is great [TS]

  you've got the Merlin shit-eating grin [TS]

  but then the two things that that really [TS]

  put this in 1987 because there's nothing [TS]

  in the background to indicate this is [TS]

  1987 try this could be taken yesterday [TS]

  thinking wang chung if you look very [TS]

  carefully at the two things that [TS]

  indicate this is 97 one long sleeve [TS]

  t-shirt which is long sleeve t-shirt [TS]

  that has some kind of like sleep concert [TS]

  shirt i'm guessing that that said life's [TS]

  rich pageant tomorrow [TS]

  wow it doesn't really hmm I was going to [TS]

  say it was like an opt shirt like a [TS]

  doctor Zog sex wax is a lightning [TS]

  middleman and then ok with other faggots [TS]

  the thing that the thing that knocks it [TS]

  out of the park is the is the genes that [TS]

  have been bleached to up a powder-blue a [TS]

  powder blue that is lighter than the [TS]

  powder blue that ever appeared on the [TS]

  lightest powder-blue monte carlo these [TS]

  jeans are the color of montana Skye [TS]

  they're completely uniformly almost [TS]

  white but they started off life as blue [TS]

  jeans for once you got it right i think [TS]

  those were bought pre faded probably [TS]

  when I was in high school a couple years [TS]

  earlier is actually my first years [TS]

  mostly my first year and I am I think I [TS]

  did do something maybe I got some stuff [TS]

  at the county seat to max make them [TS]

  extra light when you wash them [TS]

  yeah kinda but one thing I know your [TS]

  eyes are not good something you might be [TS]

  missing if you're looking very carefully [TS]

  i'm wearing a friendship bracelet i had [TS]

  woven yeah I wouldn't have seen them [TS]

  yeah there it is i see the little tail [TS]

  of it sticking out [TS]

  that's nice but yeah your women you know [TS]

  that sorry I made a bunch of them [TS]

  sure but a friendship bracelet is [TS]

  something that someone leaves and then [TS]

  gives to you I didn't find that out [TS]

  until I like I moved away so you made [TS]

  them for yourself [TS]

  yeah I also cooked myself dinner a lot [TS]

  yeah well it seems very important at [TS]

  that age to be a friend here [TS]

  happy birthday no way now but there's [TS]

  actually if you go there and somewhere [TS]

  over there in the elca tagged over there [TS]

  that says Merlin with tragic facial hair [TS]

  as a tag on flickr and I don't think [TS]

  that's tragic I've been good it's you [TS]

  know it's a little bit bare old flim [TS]

  don't want this too much for sending you [TS]

  seen some of these but i just want to [TS]

  refresh your memory on this one this one [TS]

  pretty proud of myself this one and Eric [TS]

  Bostrom how about I drama of giving you [TS]

  guys yeah yeah [TS]

  here I go I wish that the the audience [TS]

  at home but i'm putting shot somebody [TS]

  lysine right you can listen to this and [TS]

  be clicking through oh my goodness [TS]

  yeah Oh tonight YMCA in New York [TS]

  holy moly yeah well again the genes have [TS]

  the genes they simply look like she did [TS]

  you want to a bleep storm 2832 the meat [TS]

  puppets t-shirt to create any purpose [TS]

  t-shirt if you've got some it's kind of [TS]

  almost kurt cobain any facial hair here [TS]

  well again no that's the same mustaches [TS]

  two years later and i think that's the [TS]

  same mustache you can see that for our [TS]

  listeners who aren't looking at home [TS]

  it's kind of like if you ever did the [TS]

  project we got the avocado you stick the [TS]

  toothpicks in and drop in the water and [TS]

  then your mom has to remind you that you [TS]

  have to put the other way for the seed [TS]

  to work and flip it over [TS]

  I think that's what happened here I [TS]

  think my avocado was never did that [TS]

  well I always put the avocado and nobody [TS]

  ever told me to flip i think there's a [TS]

  wrong way I think we'll see that [TS]

  explains everything [TS]

  I never was able to get those to grow [TS]

  had a meat puppet shirt I had no you [TS]

  ready for this you know this is this is [TS]

  how bad I was oh I don't think I've ever [TS]

  admitted this should admit this military [TS]

  my god i don't have heard like to husker [TS]

  du songs but I saw people wearing who [TS]

  screwed shirt so I bought one [TS]

  I had a metal circle sure before i even [TS]

  had the cassette and I loved it [TS]

  young man well I i really i liked REM so [TS]

  much that it was weird [TS]

  the first well camp chronic town like [TS]

  the first four RM records [TS]

  I don't come back to this because i [TS]

  think our aim should be four bands we [TS]

  should come back to this bladder no no I [TS]

  had a I had my chest t-shirts I was a [TS]

  total poser John I was a terrible post [TS]

  had a circle jerk shirt I was a mess [TS]

  yeah complete poser I understand that [TS]

  you want to be with you in seattle [TS]

  european street seattle this point right [TS]

  almost i was still kinda i'm still [TS]

  bopping around 28 do in Alaska like [TS]

  pictures of like fucking clues and pipe [TS]

  went on in Alaska is out this was that [TS]

  that was the area that I was sort of [TS]

  hitchhiking around America looking for [TS]

  looking for my lost country just like [TS]

  that averaged over troubled water saw a [TS]

  little bit its yeah it was i I was [TS]

  influenced by the pretenders to go find [TS]

  some interesting that was I to find a [TS]

  river that was on fire [TS]

  yeah and I went and looked around and it [TS]

  had it was it had been gone a long time [TS]

  and then to if you died from heroin [TS]

  there were just a few there just a few [TS]

  drags left hanging on always going to [TS]

  look for America spend a couple of years [TS]

  looking good for you think out there [TS]

  what you discover [TS]

  yeah yeah Stuckey's pretty good [TS]

  Stuckey's pecan logs know that you know [TS]

  that was during the era that if you were [TS]

  driving a foreign car in certain parts [TS]

  of America that people would try and run [TS]

  you off the road [TS]

  oh yeah i mean they're the that was that [TS]

  there were some rust belt experiences [TS]

  that I don't think anyone would believe [TS]

  if I told them you kids do not know how [TS]

  real that was these kids that do not [TS]

  real [TS]

  I'll tell you another thing that a lot [TS]

  of people don't know and this this [TS]

  sounds jokey but definitely this in [TS]

  Florida there were I would say until [TS]

  fairly recently a lot of people who [TS]

  well first of all tons of people who [TS]

  would not buy a carbon in the u.s. I [TS]

  think we can kind of get why they did [TS]

  that but have you not known older people [TS]

  who would not buy a Japanese car and [TS]

  would definitely not by a German car [TS]

  oh and have you I know them i mean i [TS]

  have a tiny not because BMW for [TS]

  douchebags [TS]

  I mean I mean like toe-to-toe with me [TS]

  and screamed at me for writing in an [TS]

  Audi right yeah that was real that was [TS]

  real stuff that's you know those were [TS]

  the times when I have never got the [TS]

  folks and there's a great commercial [TS]

  whoever such-and-such whoever didn't [TS]

  forget you did but there's that famous [TS]

  you know a campaign when they launched [TS]

  the the bug but you know those are those [TS]

  of you that was a Nazi car was a good [TS]

  Nazi car the bottom [TS]

  thanks for detectives alright the [TS]

  original design was that it was was a [TS]

  check it was a checar the first [TS]

  rear-engined air-cooled little of [TS]

  people's car was it it was made by a was [TS]

  made in the Czech Republic and the [TS]

  German stolen ferdinand porsche ripped [TS]

  it off are you still there i am not [TS]

  listed and no I'm just imagining tanks [TS]

  rolling into that the Czechoslovakian [TS]

  factory all know that this is before [TS]

  they stole it before they started during [TS]

  peacetime they thought it was [TS]

  intellectual theft rather than actual [TS]

  nazi were stealing your art theft they [TS]

  covered the waterfront there was a [TS]

  lawsuit before the war the the check car [TS]

  makers actually seed Ferdinand Porsche [TS]

  for stealing their design and then [TS]

  Germany invaded czechoslovakia and while [TS]

  the lawsuit just went away so but anyway [TS]

  you're right it was hard too hard too [TS]

  hard to find a lawyer [TS]

  it was really hard to find a lawyer to [TS]

  try that case at the time we should move [TS]

  on [TS]

  um yeah I never would have had good luck [TS]

  with girls [TS]

  so we're back to that well let me know [TS]

  you know what we should drop that it's [TS]

  just it's it's just such a legacy of [TS]

  pain and even when it did work out it [TS]

  didn't work out I know what the fuck I [TS]

  was thinking the whole time I couldn't [TS]

  you know what I could have been good in [TS]

  school i think i could I got really good [TS]

  grades up until like the eighth grade I [TS]

  you know I whatever like on I had like [TS]

  straight days until i was in like eighth [TS]

  grade I went to Florida they put me in [TS]

  consumer math and a and and then girls [TS]

  wearing very tight pants and there's [TS]

  already Speedwagon it was very confusing [TS]

  yeah yeah and I don't think I adapted [TS]

  well to that and don't think I've ever [TS]

  come out of it [TS]

  I don't think you could have done well [TS]

  in school Merlin hmm i think that you [TS]

  are a special breed of person who needed [TS]

  a mentor you should have had an adult [TS]

  male who took you out like so like [TS]

  Scoutmaster and she has Scoutmaster who [TS]

  showed you the way and unfortunately now [TS]

  we're were as a nation were so panicky [TS]

  about pedophiles that we don't let Scout [TS]

  masters take young impressionable men [TS]

  and show them away and it's unfortunate [TS]

  because there are some social good Scout [TS]

  masters that there are some of us who [TS]

  just needed a Scoutmaster and I'm [TS]

  certainly one although i don't think i [TS]

  needed a Scoutmaster as much as what I [TS]

  needed was a graduate student [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  who was who was a you know good at [TS]

  sports [TS]

  I just like to note for the record I'm [TS]

  gonna put this on card that i would [TS]

  appreciate that you have tone that down [TS]

  because I believe your exact quote for [TS]

  me [TS]

  ah as early as i want to say 2004 [TS]

  repeated several times over the years [TS]

  was that actually what I need is quote a [TS]

  really good ass-kicking i think you said [TS]

  it know what's funny is I at the time [TS]

  because I'm because i don't have a [TS]

  strong father figure in my life I think [TS]

  I thought you were playing a mean thing [TS]

  but now I realize you were trying to [TS]

  help me and you see you're trying and I [TS]

  don't think you necessarily offering to [TS]

  do it unless I got talking but but it [TS]

  was clear that i think he said I should [TS]

  say in your own words because you [TS]

  probably remember or something along the [TS]

  lines of there's nothing wrong with you [TS]

  could not be solved and it might have [TS]

  been a couple good ass-kicking there [TS]

  might have been something where there [TS]

  had to be some follow-up like a second [TS]

  visit to the the thing is when I first [TS]

  met you you were you are much more [TS]

  sensitive than you are now I know I [TS]

  wasn't either [TS]

  yes you think you were I think the [TS]

  Internet has cauterized you a little bit [TS]

  at you you know i would say things like [TS]

  Merlin you meet somebody should have [TS]

  kicked your ass a long time ago and and [TS]

  it's not too late [TS]

  yeah haha you would start you would get [TS]

  a look on your face and like I had like [TS]

  you know like I had pulled a lot out of [TS]

  nose hair or something you would get [TS]

  this like ter too terrible look on your [TS]

  face like I said something mean well you [TS]

  will you John you're like you're like a [TS]

  conscience and incontinent mastiff but [TS]

  probably like you have like four [TS]

  incontinent massive it's just going to [TS]

  be a breaking-in period right I'm going [TS]

  to move some things in the house you can [TS]

  have to make some arrangements for the [TS]

  rugs sure and I think for a lot of [TS]

  people are going to be a little bit [TS]

  scared about the giant fucking dogs move [TS]

  your little crystal figurines up to a [TS]

  higher shelf i think the reason our [TS]

  relationship if I may say continues to [TS]

  grow and thrive is that is that I i yes [TS]

  is that you I had some accommodations [TS]

  well yes yes you know what yes yes and [TS]

  today i'll just say fail now but the [TS]

  thing is I don't think one ass-kicking [TS]

  would be sufficient think you know just [TS]

  starting to scare me [TS]

  but it wouldn't sink it you need the [TS]

  first ass-kicking going to shop your [TS]

  shop and I went missing girl up in the [TS]

  corner holding your knees and say yyyy [TS]

  and it's only the second ass-kicking [TS]

  where it would really you know if you [TS]

  know where you would really get that the [TS]

  information that you need it turned out [TS]

  whatever turns out I was like like Paul [TS]

  Newman [TS]

  cool hand luke right whatever it turned [TS]

  out that the more you did me a tough [TS]

  ride ended up being you knocking down [TS]

  your dragline you say don't get up and [TS]

  then I get up hit me again i keep [TS]

  getting up [TS]

  I think it's exactly like that except i [TS]

  wouldn't get up made right you wouldn't [TS]

  get up and pointed ends up dead in that [TS]

  movie and that's when he don't know that [TS]

  for sure [TS]

  yeah I think that's a good movie we put [TS]

  him in the car and I don't think they [TS]

  get to get him to the hospital like [TS]

  nothing I've never seen that movie i'm [TS]

  just i'm and i think all the guys in rem [TS]

  wearing a cool hand luke t shirt and [TS]

  Diane Diane old dad we're going to [TS]

  husker du at all not really that's not [TS]

  your that's not your cup of tea [TS]

  no here's the thing with who's gonna do [TS]

  and the Minutemen and the meat puppets [TS]

  you know that's my era right i was i was [TS]

  right I was right there for all of that [TS]

  and I i just didn't it did not connect [TS]

  with me nor dinosaur dinosaur he's like [TS]

  a nice junior it with you're shitting me [TS]

  dinosaur jr thousand times and here's [TS]

  the problem i'm up i want to hear a pop [TS]

  vocal all come on dinosaur jr. I don't [TS]

  get it I don't think he sounds like he's [TS]

  he sounds like he's trying to drown [TS]

  himself in a toilet [TS]

  you're telling me you're telling oh boy [TS]

  you know what on right thumb puts a card [TS]

  it's gonna be the things we don't talk [TS]

  about going to go on the SST man's [TS]

  Stevens okay well first of all for i [TS]

  love never mind the bollocks because [TS]

  it's got a because it's it's fine it's [TS]

  got our ankle [TS]

  well you know the thing is the thing [TS]

  people remember about it was all the [TS]

  malcolm mcdowell was named Malcolm [TS]

  Ronnie McDowell emotional right a great [TS]

  Randy rowdy Piper was there was their [TS]

  manager right Malcolm Gladwell model and [TS]

  well-managed them knocking nobody [TS]

  remembers that that's that's all that I [TS]

  disagree retroactive that's like that's [TS]

  like all the people in 1994 saying how [TS]

  pumped they were in 1986 i was around in [TS]

  1986 and nobody was fucking pump [TS]

  yeah there were you could count the [TS]

  punks on two hands in any city and he [TS]

  didn't like them they're unlikable the [TS]

  puncture on likable than turds yeah but [TS]

  in 1994 oh my god everybody had a [TS]

  picture of how pumped they were and it [TS]

  was usually a picture that they had [TS]

  taken it was a picture of them at [TS]

  Halloween dressed as a punk and they [TS]

  took the picture and they took a sharpie [TS]

  and they sharpie'd out the people on [TS]

  either side of them dressed like Batman [TS]

  and like shipping address [TS]

  I'm heard from burger king and they were [TS]

  like and and the sharpie on the picture [TS]

  just made it look more punk and then [TS]

  they thumb tack it up on their wall and [TS]

  it's them with a shaving cream mustache [TS]

  perennials shaving cream boho right put [TS]

  about shaving their made their hair to [TS]

  walk in there like I was so pumped in [TS]

  1985 I used to get my ass kicked all the [TS]

  time and they were it was it was a it [TS]

  was a collective conspiracy of the youth [TS]

  of America to rewrite history there were [TS]

  no punks in 1986 you I mean unless you [TS]

  lived in Baltimore which I didn't they [TS]

  are in quincy there were there were [TS]

  there were 30 punks in America 30 punks [TS]

  I I think your numbers are extremely [TS]

  wrong but it's a very interesting point [TS]

  three hundred bucks who station [TS]

  why the growth ghost code we had [TS]

  something our high school called punk [TS]

  rock day as part of homecoming [TS]

  and I will find a picture i think i [TS]

  might have actually posted one of them [TS]

  here this is me with my dad oh no God no [TS]

  I i see i wanna come back to this job [TS]

  because there's more salient point [TS]

  salient point how do you say it because [TS]

  you don't say it you don't sit there is [TS]

  a more salient point you don't like [TS]

  salian no I wouldn't say salad sailing [TS]

  and troubling is a saw Squatch and [TS]

  everyone correctly and says it's [TS]

  pronounced sasquatch [TS]

  I don't know that's like a jam is I've [TS]

  been living in a Washington for many [TS]

  many years I grew up in the northwest [TS]

  I say Sasquatch and I believe that that [TS]

  is how it should be pronounced whether [TS]

  that is the pronunciation or not I [TS]

  cannot say but I think that's how it [TS]

  should be pronounced oh yeah punk rock [TS]

  day with you that they look at that it's [TS]

  33 cheerleaders who were they wearing [TS]

  what are they waiting when they were [TS]

  going through wearing garbage but they [TS]

  weren't garbage bags and skinny ties [TS]

  garbage bags and skinny talking about [TS]

  the head one got a hair on the side a [TS]

  little bit that's pretty punk writes got [TS]

  the side ponytail the other than that [TS]

  the middle girl has a has a headband and [TS]

  she has she has girl jeans let would buy [TS]

  with the skinny belt for young people [TS]

  who didn't we weren't wearing pants in [TS]

  the eighties I wish we had a girl I wish [TS]

  you'd been more girls not wearing pants [TS]

  in the eighties were wear blue jeans but [TS]

  cut for a woman's figure out which I [TS]

  like any tina fey style mom jeans yeah [TS]

  they were very high waisted they make [TS]

  your ass look like a pair that had been [TS]

  sitting in a place on the pleats the [TS]

  plates were terrible although everything [TS]

  it bleaches then the girl on the left [TS]

  has got some she's got her dad [TS]

  sunglasses on and it looks like a chain [TS]

  belt around her Barbie probably from a [TS]

  good we'll see 1983 [TS]

  I mean I was there mhm mhm you would you [TS]

  throw some vans on that a painter's cap [TS]

  yeah but in terms of people who are [TS]

  actually actually punk rock who are [TS]

  actually practicing punk rock as a as a [TS]

  lifestyle has a belief system [TS]

  I'm afraid [TS]

  that I'm afraid that the numbers have [TS]

  been incredibly inflated over the years [TS]

  and this is the problem with the sex [TS]

  pistol story at the time nobody knew [TS]

  nobody knew that the sex pistols war [TS]

  hoax [TS]

  that's all retro active over smartness [TS]

  everybody's like oh I do you think it [TS]

  sounds gay [TS]

  I knew he was gay the whole time no you [TS]

  did not [TS]

  nobody knew rap rob halford we talked [TS]

  ourselves out of a lot of things we [TS]

  should have known John don't you think [TS]

  well there was so much we should have [TS]

  green manalishi era I mean like wow talk [TS]

  about what we should have known we [TS]

  should have known that the Russians [TS]

  weren't a threat and that there was [TS]

  never gonna let me think about what my [TS]

  entire life was preparing my whole [TS]

  nuclear warhead for nuclear war that was [TS]

  my single biggest fear I was terrified [TS]

  yeah and it never happened I feel like [TS]

  you remember that I was that the day [TS]

  after all that man i was i had the right [TS]

  i was reading books about it and I knew [TS]

  there was no chance I I knew I mean like [TS]

  the best I could hope for was going to [TS]

  be to die slowly from burns because no [TS]

  matter where you were they show you this [TS]

  maps with the concentric circles like [TS]

  here in Chicago don't worry about it [TS]

  you're good and dead sure your vaporizer [TS]

  man chicago but somewhere like a like if [TS]

  you're near Fort Bragg or whatever game [TS]

  over [TS]

  don't worry about do your paper you're [TS]

  right you're totally right i i i think [TS]

  okay now I know this is a joke that [TS]

  already spoon is made a song but did you [TS]

  ever see the quincy punk episode [TS]

  have you ever seen that i have seen the [TS]

  Quincy is pretty famous pretty hilarious [TS]

  its kind is this if there were I wish [TS]

  there was some kind of mind map diagram [TS]

  for this because I in my head you got [TS]

  nicolas cage and valley girl you've got [TS]

  the quincy punk episode you got fast [TS]

  times at ridgemont high maybe a little [TS]

  bit [TS]

  well but but the the real key to [TS]

  understanding this era is the punk-rock [TS]

  guys that appear in every Charles [TS]

  Bronson oh right right where Charles [TS]

  Bronson is walking across a parking [TS]

  garage at night and in the end son [TS]

  little Punk's literal pump yes somebody [TS]

  and suddenly you hear somebody go and [TS]

  ruin that chilled goes up the back of [TS]

  your neck [TS]

  what about the baseball furies whether [TS]

  whether punks in the Warriors they're [TS]

  kinda like Punk's they're kinda like [TS]

  mine [TS]

  what rocky horror picture punch remember [TS]

  the baseball furies the guy that just [TS]

  like just in mind they look like the [TS]

  Yankees yeah that one count [TS]

  no not well I mean it's that's a little [TS]

  glam i have a canonical example here if [TS]

  I can find it on the YouTube to remember [TS]

  remember the stage band here these [TS]

  pictures are really really great [TS]

  yeah um everybody has the everybody in [TS]

  this picture has their hair parted right [TS]

  down the middle straight out where where [TS]

  it was like what was that kind of bread [TS]

  where they they advertised it that they [TS]

  had butter the butter split-top bread [TS]

  butter top brass sure that everybody's [TS]

  hair looks like a loaf of butter top [TS]

  bread em back into that Qatar cost $150 [TS]

  name sleeveless shirt what is that a [TS]

  squire mouseover it's a similar similar [TS]

  it's a it's sort of like and even hail [TS]

  internet explorer into a fake v this [TS]

  kind of look like that but what I see [TS]

  what you're saying it's a mess it's a [TS]

  mess i'm gonna send you something [TS]

  youtube you can watch if you want but [TS]

  you don't have to be get the idea i'm [TS]

  not gonna do it right now this issue [TS]

  just all this amount of multimedia is [TS]

  already understand my point you get your [TS]

  assistant the scene in Terminator first [TS]

  Terminator movie when a Schwarzenegger [TS]

  lands and they still naked and you get [TS]

  so minutes by Punk's right remember who [TS]

  the head punk was no bill paxton no yeah [TS]

  Jack's taxed you know III has anybody [TS]

  ever pointed out the the resemblance [TS]

  between you and Bill Paxton oh I'm sorry [TS]

  I've had a nerve now not till now [TS]

  oh my god I always kick backs to confuse [TS]

  with the other guy who's the other guy [TS]

  well now the guy who's a good husband [TS]

  and dumb and dumber was one guy who [TS]

  looks like me and dumb and dumber the [TS]

  other guy Bill Paxton and jeff daniels [TS]

  now it's not home so I cannot help [TS]

  accident or just against Jeff Daniels [TS]

  he's pretty good [TS]

  yeah so I want my point being John [TS]

  you're absolutely correct i want to say [TS]

  Shh [TS]

  terminator i want to say 1984 is that [TS]

  right Lois Terminator I'd say 84 nothing [TS]

  gets the cool that's where he gets the [TS]

  cool leather jacket that he wears for [TS]

  the rest of the film [TS]

  yes maybe kills the punk rocker [TS]

  terminator 1984 film by james cameron we [TS]

  got a full of himself [TS]

  boy that guy okay good i could see [TS]

  crimes my gears that guy i love this [TS]

  this mugshot of you at the taking of the [TS]

  Sarasota Police Department you like that [TS]

  one you know I i tried to get the [TS]

  mugshot taken me by the Boulder County [TS]

  Sheriff's Department will give it to you [TS]

  similar area and make here's what they [TS]

  said we had a we had a fire and it [TS]

  burned down the courthouse and all of [TS]

  our records were lost i believe that and [TS]

  I said come on that's some kind of that [TS]

  some kind of like you want to make me [TS]

  believe in black helicopters me a story [TS]

  like that I've had other people other [TS]

  friends my went to the same police [TS]

  station you want to comment on this i'm [TS]

  just going to do for fun [TS]

  hi i am of my friends that went to try [TS]

  and do the same thing they said no way I [TS]

  went in there and they gave me two [TS]

  copies gratis free of charge walked out [TS]

  with mugshots i have a tie-dye t-shirt [TS]

  and cold sore [TS]

  yeah and get the hair that you you call [TS]

  a mullet and that um I want to come back [TS]

  to something here i wish i could find my [TS]

  mug shots hear about those were men have [TS]

  been arrested [TS]

  have I been arrested John here's the [TS]

  thing I I don't talk about this publicly [TS]

  but not there's an implied third [TS]

  realization things I never asked you [TS]

  about that I always wanted to ask you [TS]

  about so maybe in the future i will ask [TS]

  you about them there many things are [TS]

  there are many things i would love to [TS]

  ask you about I not because I'm scared [TS]

  and not because i think you're scared to [TS]

  talk about it but there are many things [TS]

  that you don't talk about much anymore [TS]

  that I very interested in yeah he told [TS]

  me about your teeth one day and and I [TS]

  almost fell off my chair [TS]

  yeah that's a terrible story it's a [TS]

  terrible story but these are great [TS]

  stories and this is why you're Charles [TS]

  Nelson Reilly you should be on shows [TS]

  talking about this terminals and riley [TS]

  is four foot eleven i think you passed [TS]

  Charles Nelson Reilly was 4 foot 11 mm [TS]

  yes a pretty big glasses just for [TS]

  tourists you did I mean he was it was [TS]

  obviously a polymath but but you're [TS]

  comparison [TS]

  your constant comparison to me it's like [TS]

  when people compare me to Bruce Vilanch [TS]

  my crystal ants is a very funny man i [TS]

  appreciate right appreciate if you mean [TS]

  that as a compliment but Bruce Vilanch [TS]

  is a that he has these trays control [TS]

  he's looking at all [TS]

  he looks like a pile of ectoplasm with a [TS]

  with like an emo Philips wig on [TS]

  don't compare me to Bruce Vilanch and [TS]

  and i have to say the same but Charles [TS]

  Nelson Reilly when you want to you want [TS]

  to compare me to somebody like I mean if [TS]

  you want to compare me to Paul Newman [TS]

  but it's exactly the kind of thing [TS]

  Charles Nelson rallies to do is forever [TS]

  correcting people who he should be [TS]

  compared to now he did not like being [TS]

  compared to Clifton Webb because he [TS]

  thought Clinton have seemed a little gay [TS]

  i'm now I Bruce flange it's kind of what [TS]

  like it's sort of like like I gay [TS]

  mushroom and a Gator roll had gay sex [TS]

  and and reflash came out funny shirt [TS]

  heard you don't mess with that guy [TS]

  so here's the lawyer yeah who is it had [TS]

  made fun of him in a song [TS]

  Oh was a principal inch LCD soundsystem [TS]

  got in a fight with all michael musto [TS]

  the gay don't like being made fun did [TS]

  you know that [TS]

  well some to get records are like normal [TS]

  people they some of them have a sense of [TS]

  humor and some of them are a little [TS]

  shrill that's not funny [TS]

  well some games would think it was funny [TS]

  other gays would get all Mary about the [TS]

  closet laughter seriously think about [TS]

  Bruce Vilanch is that he has so much [TS]

  he's he shaped like a like a traffic [TS]

  cone and it and it has so much [TS]

  there's so much extra flesh around his [TS]

  neck [TS]

  I get the feeling looking at him that if [TS]

  a gust of wind came up that is next that [TS]

  would slap him in the face more than [TS]

  George Lucas will see George Lucas what [TS]

  George Lucas has is that he had he has [TS]

  no face architecture returns knowledge [TS]

  here if he didn't have that beard you're [TS]

  saying that oh my god I've I'm sorry to [TS]

  interrupt but I just realized you just [TS]

  made me realize he has if he would go [TS]

  straight dewlap to mouth Gibby I don't [TS]

  get from from the bottom of his nose to [TS]

  his Adam's apple [TS]

  nothing there but am I literally look [TS]

  like Jabba the Hutt just sort of [TS]

  floating in a in annex pace [TS]

  and he makes the claim is the category [TS]

  error of thinking that you can this is [TS]

  the andrew dice clay error which is as [TS]

  your face falls apart you make you [TS]

  delineate where the face once was [TS]

  by cutting your beard in more and more [TS]

  angular shapes and it absolutely doesn't [TS]

  work what you need to do as your face [TS]

  falls apart is just let your beard grow [TS]

  into a huge bushy thing and then nobody [TS]

  can see what's underneath it that [TS]

  self-awareness it's like a light you can [TS]

  like you're gonna run toward Ty Cobb [TS]

  after he hits the ball now you follow [TS]

  the ball not the batter right that's [TS]

  right [TS]

  be the ball see the ball be the ball the [TS]

  ball Danny to Latin you do not want you [TS]

  do not want to try and fool people into [TS]

  thinking you have a face by cutting your [TS]

  beard into like a helmet strap that's [TS]

  what George Lucas looks like he's [TS]

  wearing a hair helmet that's held on [TS]

  with a beard strap it but you know the [TS]

  way he said yes and he knows enough [TS]

  about all of that stuff he has ruined [TS]

  enough movies he's killed enough faces [TS]

  look Carrie Fisher Fisher beautiful [TS]

  woman looks like Bozo the Clown in the [TS]

  first Star Wars movie beautiful woman he [TS]

  knows what a face should look like [TS]

  theoretically he has people that could [TS]

  give him photos and maybe some notes he [TS]

  literally every day he makes the [TS]

  decision to have his dewlap stick out [TS]

  from underneath his beard you saw him [TS]

  from the side he would look like a [TS]

  boomeritis he would be a large South [TS]

  American Marine frog [TS]

  this is why this is paul allen's problem [TS]

  to their riches one that's one of [TS]

  poland's problems they have a rich [TS]

  enough that they surround themselves [TS]

  with people who agree with them that [TS]

  this is not a I'm not I'm not telling [TS]

  you anything you don't know but it's not [TS]

  just the base around themselves with [TS]

  people who agree with them they [TS]

  completely exclude anyone who even [TS]

  raises their eyebrows even so the [TS]

  suggestion of somebody who might say hey [TS]

  uh that tie is I don't know who that guy [TS]

  is out like he is it that he comes to [TS]

  the next door and his security card [TS]

  won't work anymore you know what I mean [TS]

  like he can't even he can't even use the [TS]

  restroom [TS]

  there's already a security guard [TS]

  standing there [TS]

  a milk crate with his desk contents and [TS]

  he's escorted out of the building you [TS]

  see you're talking about you talk about [TS]

  Paul Allen specifically as it as an [TS]

  analogous thing for George Lucas your [TS]

  time you look you look at Paul Allen you [TS]

  go Paul your ear like the fifth richest [TS]

  man in the world [TS]

  why are you first of all why are you [TS]

  wearing parti-colored Dockers and second [TS]

  of all I mean really the Portland [TS]

  Trailblazers but third of all [TS]

  yeah it just seems like you don't get [TS]

  many librarians paul allen has on staff [TS]

  apollon employees like nine people just [TS]

  to be his librarians busy no need dental [TS]

  hygienist my Christ are you looking at a [TS]

  picture huh [TS]

  I mean I know I don't even Seattle I [TS]

  used to I used to drink coffee I used to [TS]

  drink coffee and used to smoke em so I [TS]

  understand teeth stains but my goodness [TS]

  me [TS]

  bility galaxies from Yorkshire not a [TS]

  good way i have to stop talking about [TS]

  Paul and because of that because he'd [TS]

  crush our is gonna go off in my [TS]

  apartment my house here in a second and [TS]

  the black helicopters gonna wake up with [TS]

  an amp head in your bed you know what [TS]

  I'm that's kind of funny if you really [TS]

  think about it for a second you walk [TS]

  wake up wake up with a like a fender [TS]

  yeah instead of a horse's head right now [TS]

  you're not explaining your jokes pretty [TS]

  good i wanna talk about us to that's on [TS]

  my list and I got a lot of stuff on the [TS]

  list i'm talking about Ames oh gosh they [TS]

  all talk about it well we should close a [TS]

  couple threats you but i still i want to [TS]

  just keep in mind as a lot of things I [TS]

  want to talk about case so we got Paul [TS]

  Allen did you get the thing with the the [TS]

  Lucas picture you know George Lucas grew [TS]

  if you just let his neck hair grow then [TS]

  you would think wow what a lustrous [TS]

  beard and you would realize that that [TS]

  that that that wasn't a beard that it [TS]

  was all that it was all flesh [TS]

  hmm and it just had a coating of hair [TS]

  honor you not getting this all about you [TS]

  but i'm thinking i'm gonna look this up [TS]

  i think you in that December's video and [TS]

  I don't know if you professionally curl [TS]

  your hair beard well handsome pictures [TS]

  how it came [TS]

  wow that's what your beard was doing [TS]

  then that's just what it would do if I [TS]

  if I if I'd if I let my beard grow for [TS]

  six months that's what it would do [TS]

  help so that's that's six months [TS]

  appeared for you [TS]

  this is a circumstance where I don't do [TS]

  anything but I don't where I don't know [TS]

  2005 my gosh look at that guy [TS]

  um I'm gonna put this in the notes i [TS]

  couid i'm thinking if if George Lucas [TS]

  grew a beard like that right yeah I as [TS]

  you know John I'm not an architect but [TS]

  my thinking is this disguise is a lot of [TS]

  the problems it gives his face shape [TS]

  which is nice he doesn't have that right [TS]

  there is no CGI four faces yet uh but it [TS]

  also conceals the fact that there's a [TS]

  big thing under there [TS]

  they don't know what could be under [TS]

  there you know it could be it could be a [TS]

  like an unnecessary rat and mouse Isley [TS]

  you never know we don't think about [TS]

  George Lucas's faces he has a nice face [TS]

  it's just that it's sitting on top of a [TS]

  beanbag chair it's a phase that sitting [TS]

  on is that sitting on like what you [TS]

  don't remember those remember those [TS]

  ashtrays remember being back a strange [TS]

  number [TS]

  you were supposed to like use when you [TS]

  were driving to work in your earlier and [TS]

  that jeep cherokee or in bed [TS]

  mhm he hit his face looks like like a [TS]

  nice face sitting in a beanbag gas tank [TS]

  made us he was actually a try to find [TS]

  old when he was actually super cool [TS]

  looking at wedding day long [TS]

  oh yeah but we were all super cool [TS]

  looking well be accepted [TS]

  I'm just mhm I'm just saying like giving [TS]

  the Delta like this is this is a guy I'm [TS]

  send you one of this is a horrible show [TS]

  this is a person sending John pictures [TS]

  from the internet [TS]

  yeah that's not gonna show ever figured [TS]

  out that i could look at these brown I'm [TS]

  gonna put them all shown it's because [TS]

  this is an important point but a lot of [TS]

  people listen to this podcast on their [TS]

  iPads iPods yeah while they're driving [TS]

  in their cars and they're gonna be like [TS]

  I can't see these pictures this is [TS]

  annoying [TS]

  it's an important point to be made here [TS]

  now iĆ­ve been accused by many of my [TS]

  well by the people-to-people 23 people i [TS]

  know that i talk too much about Star [TS]

  Wars and grocery stores so I'm gonna [TS]

  stop except to say I'm a quote my friend [TS]

  Maya another one of my friends named [TS]

  John who says a [TS]

  yeah he's calling somebody from Twitter [TS]

  here but somebody saying that basically [TS]

  Star Wars has become for George Lucas [TS]

  what Joan Rivers his face is for joan [TS]

  rivers and that makes have thought that [TS]

  was brilliant to begin with em because [TS]

  why because you can't you can't see that [TS]

  these changes are not helping right yeah [TS]

  you can't stop fucking with it and it's [TS]

  not helping right nobody around you is [TS]

  going to go and knock that off right you [TS]

  should turn your creativity towards [TS]

  something outside of yourself i think i [TS]

  think george lucas me have the same [TS]

  problem with his head he's got his [TS]

  blindness he's got to that blindness he [TS]

  does he doesn't matter and we all we all [TS]

  develop blindness is about ourselves I [TS]

  mean I'm sure when I look in the mirror [TS]

  I see i have i have a kind of a [TS]

  dysmorphia I think this is a common [TS]

  problem for people who aren't [TS]

  billionaires who are surrounded by yes [TS]

  men we developed a dysmorphic the view [TS]

  of ourselves where we look in the mirror [TS]

  like for instance I look in the mirror [TS]

  and I say I am fat and has this [TS]

  dysmorphic out i am fat and and although [TS]

  I'll at one level [TS]

  yes I am hi i am well i think the word [TS]

  make the word that sears would use is [TS]

  husky series would call me husky i'm a [TS]

  i'm a largely I'm bomb a large have a [TS]

  large frame [TS]

  mm you wish i was i say you're big and [TS]

  tall [TS]

  I'm big and tall but but really I'm not [TS]

  fat like I don't I don't you don't want [TS]

  all your very dignified and thank you [TS]

  that's nice of you to say okay but IDK [TS]

  yourself well John I'm height weight [TS]

  proportionate I mean I'm a big man let's [TS]

  not go nuts [TS]

  height weight proportionate you wouldn't [TS]

  say I was HW p it but if you were [TS]

  writing if you were writing a personal [TS]

  ad for me food and he didn't want to lie [TS]

  yeah you wouldn't say HW can see just a [TS]

  husky swm white male the correct single [TS]

  letter that's right your mail right um [TS]

  ok [TS]

  more of me to love a basement full of [TS]

  eyeglasses your kid and flatulence [TS]

  problems [TS]

  well in my dream date problem not a [TS]

  problem no it's an opportunity think [TS]

  that's right it's a good some freshman's [TS]

  opportunity [TS]

  yeah my old guy people who are into it I [TS]

  I am I so many so many thrust close here [TS]

  we don't worry i saw you have [TS]

  proportionate I said let's come back to [TS]

  this I i saw the you know what nevermind [TS]

  everyone everyone what you saw what I [TS]

  saw a are suddenly bridesmaids so the [TS]

  first third of it and I was prepared for [TS]

  it to be really dumb but I I like the [TS]

  people and I watched it the first I've [TS]

  seen it's one of the funniest movies [TS]

  i've seen in a very long time its [TS]

  extreme first heard of it [TS]

  well I have to go to bed I'm kind of an [TS]

  older now okay yeah and and the entire [TS]

  time I you can you can you can veto any [TS]

  part of this if you want the whole time [TS]

  all I could think to myself was ok the [TS]

  leaders that died [TS]

  Kirsten big designer named you know the [TS]

  wonderful hilarious women for siren life [TS]

  she's the star and she's this just [TS]

  fantastic character but like the whole [TS]

  time [TS]

  anytime I want anything involving single [TS]

  people i just say to myself you know [TS]

  what I say I'm very happy to be in a [TS]

  good relationship with a good person but [TS]

  be I guess I just couldn't stand having [TS]

  to deal with that like not being in a [TS]

  relationship and then wanting a [TS]

  relationship and going through all of [TS]

  that stuff that the really singles ads I [TS]

  just not for other people that works for [TS]

  some people for me [TS]

  ah i can't imagine how they could [TS]

  possibly turn out well yeah but there's [TS]

  also reporting the other people should [TS]

  have to write those ads for you [TS]

  well yeah but I mean if you had somebody [TS]

  that was close enough to you that could [TS]

  write a a useful signal singles ad about [TS]

  you you wouldn't be single [TS]

  well I think of it this way i don't know [TS]

  if you guys I met you guys have the car [TS]

  smoking thing up there you get your car [TS]

  smog right up here we have that well [TS]

  there's like you know you go in there's [TS]

  like these places you know that will [TS]

  check your small gang of the places [TS]

  we'll fix your small game against the [TS]

  Dead Kennedys song a trusty mechanic [TS]

  right you want to get a second opinion [TS]

  before you get an operation you know [TS]

  especially with some elective thing [TS]

  right and I'm just saying [TS]

  to keep things above board there should [TS]

  be you that identifies the need for that [TS]

  ad right at the end at the end of the [TS]

  value chain there should be somebody who [TS]

  puts the ad into some kind of medium in [TS]

  between there should be one or more [TS]

  people possibly a review board [TS]

  well here's the exit the better the [TS]

  proper facets four facets and completion [TS]

  there's a problem with this theory [TS]

  further the first problem is from the [TS]

  when you talk about the girls somehow [TS]

  along the way in America at least the [TS]

  definition of an adult female [TS]

  relationship has become that your female [TS]

  friend if you are a woman your best [TS]

  female friends need to be one hundred [TS]

  percent supportive of you this is this [TS]

  is now somehow has become the definition [TS]

  of female friendship in America so that [TS]

  no matter how reprehensible you are as a [TS]

  person your best female friends can only [TS]

  say to you girl you are you rule you [TS]

  know what he's not making it a priority [TS]

  girl you are the all-girl you know like [TS]

  your girlfriend's can only pump you up [TS]

  you cannot in it and nothing everything [TS]

  they say that the most important part is [TS]

  that they consistently stay on brand [TS]

  it's like they might even not hundreds [TS]

  and believe that right I can't believe [TS]

  it all but ok stay on brand because [TS]

  that's the definition of friendship if a [TS]

  woman says to another woman now you know [TS]

  what actually in this situation I think [TS]

  maybe u dot you put an ellipses there [TS]

  and the friendship is over the girls [TS]

  like oh my god I can't believe it she [TS]

  she was you know she was trying to tell [TS]

  me how to live like girls that girl of [TS]

  the the definition of female friendship [TS]

  has become completely perverted so it is [TS]

  rubber to rubber stamp it's a rubber [TS]

  stamp it's absolutely you you're here [TS]

  for your friends are just a proxy for [TS]

  your own fuckin problems now so if you [TS]

  had your if it in a female situation the [TS]

  girlfriends would write an even more [TS]

  ridiculously like a fantastical [TS]

  definition of their friends because they [TS]

  wouldn't there there's no way one woman [TS]

  would say about another woman [TS]

  oh you know there's more over to love [TS]

  are you kidding me that that the [TS]

  flamethrowers would come out and in the [TS]

  case of the guys i mean at one guy right [TS]

  so what's a personal ad for another guy [TS]

  first one that would never happen but [TS]

  but if you do it okay if he was forced [TS]

  to it would be like yeah i mean he's [TS]

  dude or whatever he's got I guess ok it [TS]

  would be to be single single white male [TS]

  fine whatever i guess i'm not gay single [TS]

  dude once a chick if you know be cool [TS]

  solid solid bro yeah don't be like w/w [TS]

  bitch that's it I guess [TS]

  hmm have a nice nice parts so you're [TS]

  saying that this system is going to work [TS]

  at the review board system we're going [TS]

  to work you would have to have really [TS]

  preferably impartial 3rd parties [TS]

  what you need is a tribunal [TS]

  what you need is a panel of six people [TS]

  who like relax for everyone or commodity [TS]

  type situation exactly so youyou you [TS]

  submit your online profile you stand [TS]

  accused of being single please be [TS]

  patient with a research on you they look [TS]

  at your facebook pictures yet little bit [TS]

  of research i think a sitting position [TS]

  they would have gone to town on that [TS]

  shit take the firehouse there's millions [TS]

  of people writing personal ads there's [TS]

  only six people on the tribunal they [TS]

  need to get through these pretty John [TS]

  John you're a single person telling the [TS]

  world that you're alone i think that is [TS]

  worth having your house invaded by monks [TS]

  if they're going to come in a very [TS]

  thorough right and the thing is they're [TS]

  probably not going to harm you unless [TS]

  you got a comment but they're going to [TS]

  go through all your stuff they're gonna [TS]

  go through your past certainly yes [TS]

  they're gonna they're gonna suck on your [TS]

  Facebook page right and how many people [TS]

  you think three or four is it all men [TS]

  whose on the tribunal no no it has to be [TS]

  it has to be men and women i think i [TS]

  think again i hate to keep referencing [TS]

  4chan now but I think we should just I [TS]

  think this is what 4chan is for people [TS]

  have been asking what the hell is [TS]

  fortunate for I think 4chan is the [TS]

  tribunal that should be writing personal [TS]

  ads for single people because those [TS]

  people are merciless and they know how [TS]

  to find your your pictures on flickr you [TS]

  know what I mean like I don't care how [TS]

  many levels of security you have on your [TS]

  on your internet photos if you have [TS]

  taken a photo and put it on the internet [TS]

  anywhere fortune will find it [TS]

  and they're behind seven proxies there [TS]

  behind seven proxies they will find that [TS]

  they will they will photoshop some semen [TS]

  on your face [TS]

  mhm and then they will write a personal [TS]

  attributes are snapping it called a [TS]

  seaman shop scene shop that's a nap is i [TS]

  think it's a it's on the new iphone 5 [TS]

  that's costly and very hard to update [TS]

  299 hmm demon shop but but but I swear [TS]

  to you that would mean you're saying [TS]

  you're saying that in addition to not [TS]

  being afraid to give a very honest [TS]

  opinion they they will come in and give [TS]

  you an extremely honest opinion may be [TS]

  honest to the point of being a little [TS]

  bit made up but that's what you're [TS]

  facing if you're going to be on [TS]

  craigslist if you're gonna if you're [TS]

  gonna be in a bay area garden next [TS]

  garden next to a pot add a hand job at [TS]

  that's your competition you need to have [TS]

  something in there that's going to say [TS]

  this has the seal of approval from the [TS]

  monks we know that this is exactly how [TS]

  fucked up you can expect this person to [TS]

  be except the problem with that is that [TS]

  all relationships are based on lies [TS]

  why shouldn't they be based on lies from [TS]

  the very GetGo we say that like it's a [TS]

  bad thing John [TS]

  but but but i think i think at least you [TS]

  could do something now for example you [TS]

  got the usepa people don't love the [TS]

  usepa they say nikal is a known card [TS]

  usepa they say nikal is a known card [TS]

  tension right so they put in a level of [TS]

  safety of like a 10 x 400 x depending on [TS]

  how dangerous they think it could be [TS]

  based on the weight of evidence right [TS]

  they say hey look we're probably being [TS]

  safer than we need to be but we don't [TS]

  want you pulling coins out of your [TS]

  pocket and dying from cancer so we're [TS]

  going to keep that in line I think [TS]

  that's what we do here we have a margin [TS]

  of error based on weight of evidence and [TS]

  it's clear you may be way more fucking [TS]

  bananas then we can even see from this [TS]

  Tribunal we may add an order of [TS]

  magnitude to that and I think that's [TS]

  reflected in the ad [TS]

  I think it's true i think it'll say so [TS]

  right there maybe maybe it maybe there's [TS]

  a little bad for your bat shit crazy or [TS]

  something there's something there that [TS]

  gives people a quick indication it's the [TS]

  equivalent of I can you can see what i'm [TS]

  doing right here but imagine me holding [TS]

  my my love my love em holding my left [TS]

  hand up vertically and we're making an [TS]

  e6 while I point at my hand like the [TS]

  other person can't see it [TS]

  alright see ya thank you so much for [TS]

  describing that I think it I think it [TS]

  helped a lot of people including the [TS]

  people who are placing the ads but [TS]

  here's the here's the thing you show up [TS]

  you show up for a date that from [TS]

  somebody that you met on an Internet the [TS]

  dating service and it turns out that [TS]

  person is 75 pounds heavier than the [TS]

  heaviest picture that they put on their [TS]

  profile just in the party photographed [TS]

  1-75 extra pounds of face that they put [TS]

  me put a picture of themselves from when [TS]

  they were 15 and now they're 40 and they [TS]

  and their 80 pounds have here [TS]

  excuse me mrs. that Garrett type [TS]

  happened and the thing is most of the [TS]

  people showing up [TS]

  uh on that date have also like they're [TS]

  also fatter than that then the fans [TS]

  picture on their profile and in some [TS]

  cases the it only takes them a second to [TS]

  readjust their filters so that they they [TS]

  no longer the they you know they say [TS]

  reevaluate so that all of a sudden maybe [TS]

  they found their perfect mate [TS]

  whereas if they had read the if they had [TS]

  read the profile and the profile had [TS]

  been ruthlessly true they never would [TS]

  have made the trip because in their own [TS]

  mind they're much better looking and [TS]

  much smelter than then they actually are [TS]

  now this is what I mean I don't think [TS]

  i'm going to just add a great disagree [TS]

  because i think you put in addition I do [TS]

  not agree to disagree [TS]

  ok that about well I never agree to [TS]

  disagree neither do i I was there [TS]

  disagree or I will agree but i will not [TS]

  agree to disagree [TS]

  think about the famous example though [TS]

  right let's say let's say that you were [TS]

  someone who could be loved just [TS]

  hypothetically and somebody your family [TS]

  says maybe uncle joe says hey I really [TS]

  want you to meet Hortense you should [TS]

  meet my friend Hortense then you go and [TS]

  tell me a little more about Hortense [TS]

  says she's very sweet she's got a great [TS]

  personality good cook makes around close [TS]

  right right i like her so far okay [TS]

  because you like to eat [TS]

  I do and you know somebody who makes [TS]

  their own clothes that they're great to [TS]

  have after the zombie apocalypse [TS]

  that's a good point you know what I [TS]

  gotta rethink this I'm just saying that [TS]

  you're not gonna hear a lot of asterisks [TS]

  and all that right [TS]

  mm I'm just saying now with his name [TS]

  uncle Rico or whatever his name is when [TS]

  he presents that he might think he's [TS]

  doing her a big favor [TS]

  I think he's I think as they say he's [TS]

  damn her with faint praise right he's [TS]

  under selling her right [TS]

  I think if he says it's a very heavy [TS]

  girl who probably won't break up with [TS]

  you you're going to think a little [TS]

  harder but maybe saying yes plz but this [TS]

  was this depends on how many times [TS]

  you've had sex okay that should not be [TS]

  right in there you think [TS]

  well no you can't say that about [TS]

  somebody else but about it if if you're [TS]

  talking about me personally or talk [TS]

  about a hypothetical guy like your [TS]

  hypothetical American guy has had sex [TS]

  with what the five different women other [TS]

  people you mean five different people [TS]

  other than himself [TS]

  ok so you know here's he has had sex [TS]

  with enough people that he has a sense [TS]

  of what it out how it works and he's [TS]

  seen five different naked bodies and [TS]

  some bodies on the Internet has a [TS]

  general picture of how this all goes [TS]

  down [TS]

  he could see himself in the seat of that [TS]

  car exactly so here [TS]

  here comes here comes to Hortense and [TS]

  she's uh she's anywhere from you know [TS]

  being a us very skinny girl to being a [TS]

  large girl she's a she's anywhere from [TS]

  being a pretty girl to being a [TS]

  an interesting-looking person she [TS]

  described herself as often she if she's [TS]

  the Cece she's a smart girl she speaks a [TS]

  little Yiddish time and and so a guy [TS]

  sees himself and me and the a likes her [TS]

  that she gets his jokes she makes her [TS]

  own clothes and he thinks is this going [TS]

  to be good at this sex that we're gonna [TS]

  have is going to be good and he has that [TS]

  he only had sort of a general sense [TS]

  impression about what that is even what [TS]

  that was even asking himself is this [TS]

  going to be good i don't know has even [TS]

  as even had good sex before maybe this [TS]

  is the best sex of his life he can trust [TS]

  that would say duff mckagan right i mean [TS]

  tough Kagan's had sex with a lot of [TS]

  girls and it's it's the the standard of [TS]

  a of what he's you know he's not he's [TS]

  probably mean he ducked married so [TS]

  that's a bad example but you use a use [TS]

  somebody who's who's had a lot of sex in [TS]

  there there there there trying to get a [TS]

  different they're there they're looking [TS]

  for a pheromonal connection [TS]

  they're probably not even seen the the [TS]

  body type you know what I mean like I [TS]

  think ideally would be like that [TS]

  fascination with somebody for somebody [TS]

  having a perfect body is a is just a way [TS]

  station on the way down the road you [TS]

  know the only pretty immature people [TS]

  focus on perfect bodies so you're saying [TS]

  something like like a definite kick and [TS]

  I want a circle back to him because I [TS]

  understand he's an investor now but I [TS]

  you you're saying something like a [TS]

  definite Kagan he's going to go into the [TS]

  bakery and he's gonna say give me a bear [TS]

  claw and they're gonna give a better [TS]

  client is going to say thanks he's not [TS]

  going to sit there and spent five years [TS]

  wondering if that's the right bear claw [TS]

  for him he understands a bear claws of [TS]

  their cloth right well does diamond [TS]

  dolphin dolphin kick in it [TS]

  well here's what's going to happen does [TS]

  not going to say I haven't seen every [TS]

  kind of female body I he's not going to [TS]

  marry somebody and say oh what if I [TS]

  should have been with a brunette [TS]

  you know what I mean like em he he knows [TS]

  he knows you know what I'm saying [TS]

  huh whereas somebody who's never even [TS]

  been with a brunette girl might spend [TS]

  the rest of their life thinking oh maybe [TS]

  a brunette girl was the girl for me [TS]

  oh and this is where you get in my [TS]

  wheelhouse here its experience and [TS]

  expertise you go around enough you know [TS]

  what kind of problems to solve [TS]

  you're not getting fixated on these [TS]

  fakie barriers you're sitting there [TS]

  going I wonder if she'll have satin [TS]

  sheets and saying instead of saying I [TS]

  wonder if they'll fit through her door [TS]

  right no yeah you know maybe not maybe I [TS]

  think you've done enough right you like [TS]

  it or not you you got in there [TS]

  you've been in there and you know that [TS]

  those are all implementation details [TS]

  implementation details are precisely who [TS]

  say for instance i mean the the some of [TS]

  the best the best female friends let's [TS]

  say the best female companions it in my [TS]

  life have ever been across a a a [TS]

  spectrum of body types and looks you [TS]

  know you wouldn't you wouldn't look at [TS]

  them and say that they all look the same [TS]

  or that they were all equally endowed or [TS]

  equally pretty but but they have the the [TS]

  good ones really have differentiated [TS]

  themselves from the from the other ones [TS]

  and you're sticking with deceit you [TS]

  stick your story that you've had a lot [TS]

  of these so-called friends [TS]

  no not a lot you know what i mean but I [TS]

  mean about my old man [TS]

  mhm and I'm a veteran of a thousand [TS]

  psychic wars [TS]

  mm-hmm i spent a lot of time in love [TS]

  with lesbians [TS]

  I mean yeah I'm not again I'm not new [TS]

  you think ever drove any of them to the [TS]

  other other bench [TS]

  no no no I don't think that's a thing [TS]

  mmm I don't think i have a friend that [TS]

  did that a couple times but who knows [TS]

  maybe he's had bad luck you know right [TS]

  there they were headed there you [TS]

  probably had somebody to be gay really [TS]

  know unless they were already already [TS]

  kicking the tires but if they were [TS]

  already kicking the tires that you [TS]

  didn't it's not like you pushed him over [TS]

  the edge I don't think [TS]

  adding maybe maybe you could be may be [TS]

  could be in a relationship just like you [TS]

  know this is not only is this not [TS]

  working out really i don't even like [TS]

  your parts i don't want to see your [TS]

  parts on anybody else I don't want to [TS]

  see anybody with your parts [TS]

  mm I don't see that happening when parts [TS]

  or parts [TS]

  hmm yeah you feel that way about guitars [TS]

  after a while I do I again I think it's [TS]

  a thing it's a maturity thing when [TS]

  you're a young person you play whatever [TS]

  guitar you can get and a certain point [TS]

  you spend a lot of time talking about [TS]

  guitars and oh you only will play this [TS]

  kind of guitar [TS]

  oh it's only this guitar on that guitar [TS]

  in this guitar and then a certain point [TS]

  when you've been playing guitar for a [TS]

  long time you just somebody hands you [TS]

  guitar you play the guitar you hehe yeah [TS]

  I reach for whatever guitar is closest [TS]

  to me and if I'm if I am showing up to a [TS]

  gig and somebody says oh I've got a [TS]

  guitar you can use an amp you can use I [TS]

  don't really even ask that many [TS]

  questions about what is going to be [TS]

  there I'm like okay I assume that the [TS]

  guitar and the amp are going to be [TS]

  within the range that I can make it work [TS]

  and I don't you know the the years and [TS]

  years i said i spent sitting on a chair [TS]

  discourse about her about the difference [TS]

  between a 55 Telecaster and 56 [TS]

  telecaster like I could give a care now [TS]

  I don't most of that most of that [TS]

  knowledge most of that guitar knowledge [TS]

  has sort of just drained out my ear [TS]

  because I don't that isn't the [TS]

  profession that I decided to pursue mhm [TS]

  the guy who sits on a chair and [TS]

  appraises your guitar and and I spent [TS]

  all I spent so many years working in [TS]

  guitar stores where a guy would come in [TS]

  and say yeah you know I bought this 56 [TS]

  strap but it's really not the tone [TS]

  I've been playing it for about six [TS]

  months showing up at own i'm looking for [TS]

  and I think I want to trade it for a 55 [TS]

  les paul goldtop and both of these [TS]

  guitars even then were [TS]

  twenty-five-thousand-dollar 30,000 our [TS]

  guitars this is you know 15 years ago [TS]

  now they're been off the charts with [TS]

  these guitars cons but at the time they [TS]

  were still expensive and i'm looking at [TS]

  this guy like wow you got a 56 strat and [TS]

  it didn't have the tone you were looking [TS]

  for right you must be a guitar wizard [TS]

  you must be a scientist of guitar sound [TS]

  like a little read Zappa level of picky [TS]

  absolutely like it like totally as Abba [TS]

  right somebody that's just like I can't [TS]

  get that this guitar has a notch at 14 [TS]

  Hertz or whatever and I just and I can't [TS]

  even bear to hear it and so I would take [TS]

  this stratocaster out of his hands [TS]

  perfect strategy a tweet case and it go [TS]

  get this gold top out of the case and [TS]

  handed to him any plug into an ambien [TS]

  and it he who would seriously these guys [TS]

  would play smoke on the water you know [TS]

  and they even made play smoke on the [TS]

  water without any so like okay and err [TS]

  err err err sounds good man that's [TS]

  awesome that's the one for me and they [TS]

  would trade this you know they trade [TS]

  this guitar in for the other guitar they [TS]

  put an extra five grand on the table or [TS]

  something like that and out they go [TS]

  happy as can be with this guitar that [TS]

  has the tone they're looking for and I [TS]

  swear to you I it it burned out the the [TS]

  part of my brain that believed that tone [TS]

  was even a thing like it burn it burn [TS]

  that out of me when I was like you know [TS]

  screw you [TS]

  good Kurt Cobain play univox above $75 [TS]

  univox through a boss ds-1 and that is [TS]

  like I can't think of anybody who would [TS]

  play through that stuff it's so shitty [TS]

  and yet [TS]

  he's like going out guitar tone so I I [TS]

  stopped caring and right now i would get [TS]

  if there's anybody listen to this that [TS]

  wants to send me a frequent our home [TS]

  plate up later at my next show I swear [TS]

  to you that's why they're like women [TS]

  exactly it right exactly analogous to my [TS]

  relationships with women you play enough [TS]

  yet good at the basics the fundamentals [TS]

  you practice a lot then you start really [TS]

  caring what they look like and what [TS]

  their pedigrees and then and then after [TS]

  a while any one will do if there's if [TS]

  there's somebody listening to this [TS]

  podcast who wants to thank you send you [TS]

  a woman who is a woman or wants to send [TS]

  a woman that's great i will player at my [TS]

  next show [TS]

  but you do have to be up early in the [TS]

  morning so you promised me that he [TS]

  should probably go huh well gotta you [TS]

  know I've got a kind of a compound now [TS]

  so haha make it scream all you want [TS]

  we're much more I can hear there's a guy [TS]

  i have a there's a whole area where the [TS]

  single women can live out by the barn [TS]

  that McCain's an investor now don't you [TS]

  know I've gotta know Duff yeah you [TS]

  talked about him you're you're like [TS]

  girls with him well you know it turns [TS]

  out were related [TS]

  I had to I had to refer to him in this [TS]

  podcast in a way that he would that in [TS]

  any way he would take a as a [TS]

  disparagement because I think he's an [TS]

  amazing guy and I only reference him [TS]

  because I feel like he has known a lot [TS]

  of women and now is happily married so [TS]

  in that sense that Duff Beer on the [TS]

  simpsons is named after him i just [TS]

  learned is that right hmmm but he's a [TS]

  he's a longtime Seattle guy and it turns [TS]

  out the were cousins [TS]

  we just found this out the other day did [TS]

  I tell the story already know we're at a [TS]

  slayer concert and backstage the Slayer [TS]

  concert and they were standing around [TS]

  here no you know what you're not you're [TS]

  actually your generations of property [TS]

  Robert Evans up like a slash rustler [TS]

  show and and this kid is stand there and [TS]

  he's like are you John Roderick and I [TS]

  said yeah and he said oh I'm I'm [TS]

  I'm like your step nephew or something [TS]

  like that and I said really he said yeah [TS]

  my mom is married to the brother of the [TS]

  sister of your brother and sister of [TS]

  your brother's life and Duff is standing [TS]

  there and he turns out he goes what and [TS]

  and it turns out the kid is Duff's [TS]

  nephew I'm tough says we're related [TS]

  and I said I guess we are related we [TS]

  stood there and worked it out where like [TS]

  cousins uncles of this kid and yeah so [TS]

  now we're now the bond is it that much [TS]

  stronger [TS]

  this is a an excerpt from an article [TS]

  last week in bloomberg businessweek in [TS]

  his autobiography it's so easy and other [TS]

  lies which is coming out very soon [TS]

  mckagan 47 explains how he stopped his [TS]

  gallon of vodka a day habit by switching [TS]

  to 10 bottles of wine how we drank his [TS]

  own vomit because it had alcohol in it [TS]

  how he used cocaine just so he could [TS]

  drink more [TS]

  how you drank so much beer at one point [TS]

  that guns and roses lead singer Axl Rose [TS]

  introduced him as the king of beers and [TS]

  appreciate the simpsons ass-kickin the [TS]

  show's beer after him how his pancreas [TS]

  basically exploded causing third-degree [TS]

  burns on his other internal organs and [TS]

  then goes on to say that he actually is [TS]

  one of the very few people in the entire [TS]

  music industry that was not ripped off [TS]

  by somebody and how invested it really [TS]

  well it's something very interesting [TS]

  book [TS]

  well the thing that you don't realize [TS]

  about duff mckagan because you look at [TS]

  those original definite Kagan wasn't [TS]

  guns and roses we should mention yeah [TS]

  you look at those pictures of guns and [TS]

  roses and even the earliest pictures of [TS]

  guns and roses Duff already looks like [TS]

  he's really really wasted even in the [TS]

  first promo photos really he's already [TS]

  living the life way way before everybody [TS]

  else is like dying of overdoses are [TS]

  having strokes or whatever and and [TS]

  nobody in Guns N Roses died of an [TS]

  overdose but there's a lot of there's a [TS]

  lot of drugs but stuff is really hitting [TS]

  it hard from the style yeah but he also [TS]

  was one of the main songwriters like he [TS]

  wrote the sweet child of mine and stuff [TS]

  like that he's getting that he's got a [TS]

  credit on that he's the bass player but [TS]

  he was writing tune [TS]

  and that's the key to success in rock [TS]

  absolutely you're writing some tunes and [TS]

  he's writing some he was writing some [TS]

  solid gold guns and roses material [TS]

  no doubt about it so you know he's a [TS]

  he's a triple threat [TS]

  so he says he's a good-looking guy well [TS]

  and right now [TS]

  pancreas have exploded or no he is a [TS]

  reason he's in the shape of his life [TS]

  yeah it's all here in the book wow look [TS]

  at him that's amazing [TS]

  you don't mean like look if your [TS]

  pancreas explodes yeah that's not we're [TS]

  not kidding around right i mean that's a [TS]

  serious thing you're gonna have to get [TS]

  your guys back up back up back up back [TS]

  your workload at that point you're gonna [TS]

  have to you have to do something you [TS]

  have to make some kind of lifestyle [TS]

  change even if it's just that you get a [TS]

  mechanical pancreas [TS]

  can you do that the problem of the [TS]

  mechanical pancreas particularly for [TS]

  recording artist as you get the [TS]

  microphones pick it up to make the kind [TS]

  of like I like a 5k buzz it so there's a [TS]

  little bit of you know 40 cycle hum so [TS]

  you don't want to mechanical pancreas if [TS]

  you're going to do a lot of studio work [TS]

  get isolated you have to isolate you [TS]

  have the pancreas isolation booth [TS]

  standard standard a booth where the is [TS]

  there a box from your nipples to your [TS]

  knees but but he has you know talk about [TS]

  a survivor [TS]

  yeah and yeah and the thing about deaf [TS]

  ears the other thing I mean youyou think [TS]

  about these big rock guys like Vince [TS]

  Neil you don't get the sense that Vince [TS]

  meal can do and can do very complicated [TS]

  arithmetic right i mean sure like 14 [TS]

  plus 11 sure I bet Vince Neil could [TS]

  handle that I think he hit to figure out [TS]

  a tip like a hundred and seventy-four + [TS]

  250 I think Vince Neil would he'd be [TS]

  struggling but stuff does the smart guy [TS]

  he's articulate he's a you know he's a [TS]

  writer I'm a tremendous respect for him [TS]

  I bet he didn't do good in school hey [TS]

  you have [TS]

  at factoid he was a drunk he was one of [TS]

  the drivers for the fastbacks that's [TS]

  right the first drummer from get out of [TS]

  here I've ever seen that infographic [TS]

  that table they've got no setup to be on [TS]

  our own robot they've got a whole page [TS]

  of people who was the drummer in the [TS]

  fastbacks when I'm sure it's very [TS]

  complicated at least two of those [TS]

  drummers have played in the long winters [TS]

  rusty now what's the guy's name [TS]

  well we've had so Jason Finn was in the [TS]

  fastback see the one with the floppy [TS]

  symbols [TS]

  still there's help video who is that no [TS]

  I think that's probably what Mike [TS]

  Musburger I got this transfer and also [TS]

  played along where most burger playing [TS]

  the fastbacks for a long time [TS]

  Musburger and Finn you know they have a [TS]

  they have a long-standing rivalry really [TS]

  and because they're being go to Seattle [TS]

  drummers have known each other for years [TS]

  and and the time that they were both in [TS]

  the fastbacks is it you know that's [TS]

  where their rivalry really really [TS]

  reached its its Apogee because they're [TS]

  always like I said York dick Sargent [TS]

  type situation exactly who's the better [TS]

  who's the better man on the throne I [TS]

  have to reserve judgment you i would say [TS]

  it's a small town [TS]

  yeah i mean that the answer is clear but [TS]

  i have to have to recuse myself Pixar's [TS]

  noqday shares getting my ass kicked [TS]

  ya welcome back to guitars and amps [TS]

  there's a lot to talk about [TS]

  I'm sitting in a room right now full of [TS]

  guitars names have a guitar right here [TS]

  the big that the gibson company just [TS]

  gave me a couple weeks ago [TS]

  they're going out of business aren't [TS]

  they who said that [TS]

  heard they're an awful shape that's open [TS]

  to know what is that as a drop d [TS]

  no this is a [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  this is open see you tune down to an [TS]

  open sea [TS]

  yeah what are you into my god [TS]

  oh that's a nice harmonic yeah that's a [TS]

  great cord i mean it's it's not a great [TS]

  acoustic guitar tuning because it's it's [TS]

  pretty low [TS]

  the strings are pretty sloppy but it's a [TS]

  break from recording you got me sold on [TS]

  my favorite [TS]

  well my third favorite guitar chord my [TS]

  favorite guitar chord as you know is a [TS]

  a.d with a netted a sharp [TS]

  yeah you like that 1i know and you know [TS]

  I i always like to cheat you know come [TS]

  to city guy you you're just you got me [TS]

  into this is the sea with the added [TS]

  loach e right so that's the magic they [TS]

  start out you got a regular old you do [TS]

  this [TS]

  that's magic you do that too much effect [TS]

  all that yet but the g down there it [TS]

  said on huh [TS]

  and it'll be a breeze do that on that [TS]

  song yeah yeah that that the g on the on [TS]

  the top of the seeds a changes [TS]

  everything you know what kids if you're [TS]

  picking up guitar play everything in the [TS]

  key of G and then and then use that C [TS]

  and then when you do the g I think you [TS]

  add the little extra d on the B string [TS]

  ok i do dad yep that's a bit bulky thing [TS]

  yeah that's the thing too that if you [TS]

  wanted really chime the just just get it [TS]

  really chime in if you have a [TS]

  Rickenbacker or want to sound like a [TS]

  burger Barker add that little D on the B [TS]

  include reckon backers in your it [TS]

  doesn't really matter about guitars [TS]

  argument well see here's the thing i [TS]

  have this rickenbacker for years it was [TS]

  my sound and it truly what it does it [TS]

  did have a very unique sound and no i [TS]

  couldn't find another guitar to [TS]

  duplicate this sound and the guitar you [TS]

  know this is a 67 rickenbacker had been [TS]

  broken and glued together a half a dozen [TS]

  times it had Gibbs and pickups and it's [TS]

  at that the 330 what is it [TS]

  it was a 360 360 sorry and you know get [TS]

  what you you couldn't you couldn't build [TS]

  this guitar [TS]

  it was a unique unique item [TS]

  and a certain point I just couldn't take [TS]

  it on the road anymore I was it was it [TS]

  was too it was too important to me and I [TS]

  had to go about finding how to make that [TS]

  tone how to approximate that tone with [TS]

  other guitars I when I finally started [TS]

  approximating the tone then I realized [TS]

  oh you can you can make guitars sound [TS]

  you can make them sound pretty good [TS]

  they don't have to be great guitars you [TS]

  can make them sound pretty good i mean [TS]

  the we're talking about the top four [TS]

  percent of the tone but the but [TS]

  ninety-six percent of the tone you can [TS]

  get it there [TS]

  you know you get an amp you get up you [TS]

  mess with the knobs mess with the knobs [TS]

  on the guitar you can get there [TS]

  yeah yeah i mean like you're playing [TS]

  like you but one he played in these [TS]

  places with all this it was smoke and [TS]

  weird humidity and the sound guys coked [TS]

  up and it just seems like there's so [TS]

  many factors you know what the biggest [TS]

  factor of all is that whatever your [TS]

  guitar tone is ultimately the sound guys [TS]

  going to put another beer soaked sm57 in [TS]

  front of your hand and he's gonna run [TS]

  that sm57 through a mackie 16-channel [TS]

  bored through a couple of 300 watt power [TS]

  amps that he bought off craigslist [TS]

  sweeten it up a little bit of slap back [TS]

  she's gonna put it he's going to put a [TS]

  little lexicon slap back on it and he's [TS]

  gonna run it out into his Yamaha PA and [TS]

  whatever do you mean you could be [TS]

  playing through a [TS]

  two-hundred-thousand-dollar guitar rig [TS]

  but except for the five guys that are [TS]

  standing right in front of your am [TS]

  everybody else is hearing it through a [TS]

  through such a fucked up signal chain [TS]

  that I you know believe me if you if you [TS]

  were playing a pv if you're planning [TS]

  your playing a pv guitar through a pv [TS]

  bandit with the with the chorus button [TS]

  pushed in but it wouldn't sound any [TS]

  better what an advantage it [TS]

  No [TS]

  my friend Mike just had a guy custom [TS]

  make him a gold top Flying V but a [TS]

  fretless flying well it's the girls just [TS]

  pearl jam boy [TS]

  no no okay mica mica is he's just a he's [TS]

  just a ding-dong Seattle ding-dong [TS]

  but he's got this he actually used to be [TS]

  in the long winters 20 that my Squires [TS]

  all sure fretless Flying V and I look at [TS]

  my go up front was wanting to be what [TS]

  the hell're friendless six-string guitar [TS]

  the hell are you gonna do with that [TS]

  means like what do you mean what am I [TS]

  gonna do that it's the coolest thing [TS]

  ever and it's it's just a kind of [TS]

  insanity is restless kind of the [TS]

  opposite of scallops you think I mean I [TS]

  got you have amazing internation for [TS]

  this is the opposite of good [TS]

  that's true like it in a perfect world [TS]

  you would I mean there are guys who can [TS]

  play the frontlines guitar and it sounds [TS]

  like I've never I'm sorry John I've [TS]

  never heard of a fretless guitar ads you [TS]

  know you can play a front any instrument [TS]

  can be friendless by trumping if you [TS]

  have incredible intonation your [TS]

  intonation it would have to be [TS]

  completely out of control [TS]

  hi how are you going to play a you can [TS]

  play a barre chord on I got you would I [TS]

  don't think you would just doing spoolie [TS]

  goofy solos with lots of like like Vicki [TS]

  slidy bends well batter you could play [TS]

  like little too little to note chords [TS]

  little three note chords even you could [TS]

  keep that stuff [TS]

  it sounds very very flexible it's like [TS]

  playing the violin and how do people do [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah I pick up a violin and and played [TS]

  it sounds like sounds like somebody's [TS]

  killing goats with a chainsaw psychos [TS]

  ooh key method for this extreme have to [TS]

  call the suzuki that we learn to count [TS]

  on your fingers so that's the second [TS]

  suzuki reference i've heard in as many [TS]

  days and I I don't think it's like it's [TS]

  like Hooked on Phonics right for music [TS]

  uh i think so or maybe like the Roy [TS]

  Clark easy guitar or the thing where you [TS]

  put the stickers on the piano [TS]

  I'm not entirely sure I my want to do [TS]

  stuff in the garage band which you know [TS]

  is a musical instrument [TS]

  I'm on blame lost on that front l'espace [TS]

  it's just it's a mess different skills [TS]

  base I [TS]

  I really appreciate I was in a band with [TS]

  a friendless bass player and it's a very [TS]

  different sound I mean it used [TS]

  incorrectly it sounds like a dream of [TS]

  the blue turtles like fretless bass used [TS]

  use poorly is the worst is the worst [TS]

  challenge activists aureus the late [TS]

  great Jack upper stories [TS]

  Pino Palladino there are several people [TS]

  that can rock the fretless bass old [TS]

  friends based in the hands of a master [TS]

  yeah just want Joni Mitchell song jaco [TS]

  pastorius place on that's just ungodly [TS]

  but it just it just seems like you know [TS]

  when what you want to just get out once [TS]

  you get 12 string friend let's go ahead [TS]

  go nuts [TS]

  why not don't know if you wanna join [TS]

  three bad science freak base why don't [TS]

  you go ahead and just do that it goes it [TS]

  it it trends over into that natalie [TS]

  merchant is great [TS]

  yes just like this is not music for this [TS]

  is not the music for me this is there [TS]

  like michael hedges like I like michael [TS]

  hedges right [TS]

  I you know the late michael hedges [TS]

  amazing guitar player but what you can [TS]

  you can really get a little too much [TS]

  fretless bass on something you can get a [TS]

  lot too much can get so much friendless [TS]

  based on your on a song that it will [TS]

  actually cause you to get your period is [TS]

  that right yeah I've heard you say you [TS]

  know create kalbi says it'll actually [TS]

  literally it'll literally slide off the [TS]

  record fall right off there trying to [TS]

  master the cats already on the floor at [TS]

  the cottage as possible [TS]

  [Music] [TS]