Roderick on the Line

Ep. 15: "Covered in Sauce"


  hello [TS]

  I John how are you hi Merlin how's every [TS]

  little thing [TS]

  oh well that's it you just described it [TS]

  it's just a bunch of little things it's [TS]

  all little things now [TS]

  whoo yeah I don't have I don't have any [TS]

  big things left eye [TS]

  I can't believe that you said those [TS]

  words get there i just wrote some things [TS]

  down a card and I'm not gonna tell you [TS]

  any of them because they're all little [TS]

  things and I either selling an eighties [TS]

  comic or a bomb back haha I you [TS]

  you do remind me of Burma baumbach yeah [TS]

  with the cancer and other people that's [TS]

  funny is no knowing that you know past I [TS]

  think but d um you know I tried to [TS]

  prepare for anything too much I've [TS]

  learned in life as you know john that [TS]

  you know just listen to the other person [TS]

  it's really how i learned haha just [TS]

  saying yes you just like you just say [TS]

  yes you never said no I'm not to say [TS]

  know where you I little things little [TS]

  mix yeah i know i don't hate all these [TS]

  don't be sorry I put a foot on the [TS]

  internet earlier today of my archive of [TS]

  our cars have shown you this no-nonsense [TS]

  link i think i did a quick count i did [TS]

  that damn thing where you take half and [TS]

  half of that you know you can multiply [TS]

  you know if you take a three-by-five [TS]

  cards and folded in half when you fold [TS]

  it in half again who and then you fold [TS]

  it in half again [TS]

  who was that called and then you fold it [TS]

  in half again who write that down [TS]

  that was wrongly card folding seven ways [TS]

  to get the 17 times right yeah there's [TS]

  only so many times you can fold it [TS]

  before you I heard the Mythbusters guys [TS]

  did that but they put a can to [TS]

  somebody's house and they did it card [TS]

  folding it put a line through a bowling [TS]

  ball through somebody hear about that [TS]

  you hear about that who didn't hear [TS]

  about that [TS]

  yeah it was it was that I mean I [TS]

  probably there were three or four wars [TS]

  going on around the world like little [TS]

  little people are being burned alive [TS]

  with flamethrowers in their huts but I [TS]

  heard about the Mythbusters bowling ball [TS]

  all day that day that bowling ball can't [TS]

  his cannon ball right [TS]

  I don't know what happened Ireland where [TS]

  did it happen I thought it happened in [TS]

  San Francisco where all things happen [TS]

  no I thought I don't think II i dont [TS]

  think shes sweet who they were in [TS]

  Ireland you think you're just saying [TS]

  that because he has red hair [TS]

  no you're like oh it was in Ireland r2d2 [TS]

  I you be funny thing i don't know i [TS]

  don't know why when i first heard that [TS]

  story for some reason I thought it was [TS]

  somewhere in like a green green and [TS]

  lonely part of the UK but I don't think [TS]

  it was like Michigan where did happen [TS]

  michigan is the Ireland of the Upper [TS]

  Midwest mhm yeah that was even used to [TS]

  say I'm sure that he passed also [TS]

  definitely pass you love those [TS]

  sandwiches but now you've got everything [TS]

  he passed he died he'd done he didn't [TS]

  pass you died and so did her mom back [TS]

  but Irma Bombeck died from being old I [TS]

  don't if she had cancer it was just the [TS]

  cancer being older she had breast cancer [TS]

  she would she was like 80,000 years old [TS]

  i disagree i would be surprised if you [TS]

  think I'm a barback died prematurely [TS]

  I mean doesn't everybody died [TS]

  prematurely John well I guess so if you [TS]

  gonna call people who didn't die [TS]

  prematurely if you read hyndland think [TS]

  that we should all be living in in scira [TS]

  genic prolongation you've been sleeping [TS]

  i have not been sleeping i'm not slept [TS]

  very much [TS]

  he said highlander Heinlein well see now [TS]

  I I'm gonna get I'm gonna get run up the [TS]

  geek flag pole because I say highland [TS]

  but I maybe a timeline when what's the [TS]

  thing with the train in New York that's [TS]

  the highline ok a little bit ping-pong [TS]

  and get a little speech impediment and [TS]

  if you put your hand up in here and [TS]

  someone else hits it it's a high five [TS]

  I'm lying a heart highline had a little [TS]

  things little things boys are all [TS]

  terrible than these make any sense at [TS]

  all [TS]

  uh-huh Baumbach her mom died I don't [TS]

  know where you google this my senses [TS]

  that she was probably see where would [TS]

  you google my sense is that she was [TS]

  probably [TS]

  67-62 or 80 when she was 69 that I 5-4 [TS]

  twenties right the grass is always [TS]

  greener over the 80-year old one [TS]

  actually [TS]

  well it's for we've been talking for [TS]

  four minutes and 20 seconds just as I [TS]

  haha yeah I don't not gonna fuck you i [TS]

  might not I do not miss marijuana was [TS]

  gonna ask you about how tuning guitars [TS]

  that's a heavy statement you don't miss [TS]

  marijuana a lick [TS]

  because of all the things well that's [TS]

  not true there are a lot of things i'm [TS]

  gonna head judge me it's funny I can [TS]

  feel it coming [TS]

  there's no wonder it's not a judgment [TS]

  but marijuana sometimes makes sense for [TS]

  instance if you want to marijuana he [TS]

  sometimes makes sense if you want to sit [TS]

  in the bathtub and masturbate all day [TS]

  marijuana is presented with that tub [TS]

  mastered not anymore i haven't in years [TS]

  but it was your water in it back in the [TS]

  old just go sit in the bathtub in your [TS]

  clothes and masturbates because you [TS]

  don't want to get it on anything I think [TS]

  they're assuming I'm not a lawyer as you [TS]

  know John I think you're seeing a lot of [TS]

  things not in evidence when you sit talk [TS]

  about being high measure been thinking [TS]

  about a lot of ways that could go listen [TS]

  and might not know you're a bathtub or [TS]

  masturbating particularly when you don't [TS]

  have when you have a lot of resources [TS]

  and you're you're sharing living [TS]

  arrangement with other people are or [TS]

  maybe you're crafting have been laid off [TS]

  and you don't and you there are times [TS]

  when you need to masturbate it's a it's [TS]

  important physical thing you need to do [TS]

  and there just aren't that many places [TS]

  you can get away maybe you don't have [TS]

  your own bedroom maybe you're sleeping [TS]

  on their couch in there then they're all [TS]

  standing around staring and wondering [TS]

  that's why bathrooms became popular and [TS]

  yes let's be honest anybody leave you [TS]

  ask any man I've seen urinate in some in [TS]

  some really exotic places and really [TS]

  more disturbingly it's very mundane [TS]

  places and the thing is there's no one [TS]

  better place to urinate when you really [TS]

  have to go [TS]

  no every one of them is the Taj Mahal of [TS]

  urination each one is like a little [TS]

  fucking magic kingdom [TS]

  then it's hello nobody know guys sitting [TS]

  around going who I need to close the [TS]

  door to go blasted Tiki you know and i [TS]

  think as you get older you get more [TS]

  comfortable you can drop a deuce [TS]

  anywhere but I think you want a little [TS]

  bit of privacy that dander you know [TS]

  that's not something people have to [TS]

  share the dander and so so you're right [TS]

  you can quit your you don't want to [TS]

  stand you want to sit on the toilet [TS]

  masturbate like some kind of animal [TS]

  would you ever do that again i would [TS]

  rather do that i'm sorry i don't [TS]

  interrupt yeah I'd rather do that can be [TS]

  in the bathtub I don't understand master [TS]

  period and like underwater not [TS]

  completely underwater see that's the [TS]

  thing this is the thing when you're [TS]

  young guy you think oh sex under water [TS]

  is going to be amazing work because it [TS]

  has everything that you need you want to [TS]

  your underwater you're the girl with the [TS]

  pool her parents are out of town and [TS]

  city all of them and you feel like [TS]

  you're bet you feel like wait you're [TS]

  bouncing around like you're on the [TS]

  surface of the Moon here in the swimming [TS]

  pool but having sex under water as [TS]

  everyone who's done it knows is this [TS]

  terrible it's a that's not how it's [TS]

  meant to be done [TS]

  yeah where we've evolved from being fish [TS]

  or Turtles and now we have sex on land [TS]

  second quarter right but if you are high [TS]

  who and you're sitting in somebody [TS]

  else's bathtub eating some grilled [TS]

  cheese sandwiches that you may have met [TS]

  or may not have made it is a fantastic [TS]

  place to masturbate you don't you just [TS]

  don't fill the tub all the way up with [TS]

  water it's a half half tub of water [TS]

  you're eating grilled cheese and [TS]

  investigating and half a cup of water a [TS]

  long time ago and I was very high [TS]

  that's a good safety precaution you [TS]

  might have said to yourself before i [TS]

  even smoke this i'm going to draw a line [TS]

  in the tub [TS]

  I think about the water must go no [TS]

  higher than that that's right that's [TS]

  right that's right and there should be a [TS]

  bath mat I should have everything your [TS]

  family program but I I'm resisting [TS]

  asking you a lot of questions [TS]

  yeah well don't don't don't censor [TS]

  yourself you know if there's something [TS]

  you want to know just ask [TS]

  I don't know it's where you know like to [TS]

  see the drunk people shouldn't drive [TS]

  because the judgment is impaired [TS]

  is that something you say that one of [TS]

  your catchphrases think it's not looking [TS]

  good [TS]

  and drunk people shouldn't drive it is [TS]

  said I think I saw the look magazine i [TS]

  don't remember but I i was just thinking [TS]

  the other day about how stupid I people [TS]

  are and and in the same way that I think [TS]

  the drunk people probably shouldn't [TS]

  decide whether they're gonna drive [TS]

  I the high people just have a lot of [TS]

  confidence about the possibilities in [TS]

  the world which is really stupid you [TS]

  know i mean i guess that's good [TS]

  whatever I think you know that we talked [TS]

  about in like the first or second visit [TS]

  with that I still want to get back to is [TS]

  the extent to which drugs really have [TS]

  permanently fucked us up something I [TS]

  used to believe was a myth and I [TS]

  increasingly think are maybe a very [TS]

  distinct possibility [TS]

  so I just want to say I think know you [TS]

  the yellow you know if I become [TS]

  president patil be legal and will free [TS]

  the Dragons it's like okay great you [TS]

  know I'm glad we have an electoral [TS]

  system where you can release the dragons [TS]

  or whatever I think the thing about [TS]

  marijuana of all other drugs is [TS]

  absolutely interferes with your sense of [TS]

  the causality of things like you you [TS]

  lose your capacity to be to think in a [TS]

  linear fashion and that's why that's why [TS]

  the the myth of pot being a mellow drug [TS]

  is so insidious because it isn't mellow [TS]

  the most stressed out people I ever met [TS]

  our pot start pots donors and the reason [TS]

  that they're stressed out is that they [TS]

  can't remember how they got here you [TS]

  know they can't remember the series of [TS]

  things that they did to arrive at their [TS]

  current situation and they cannot fathom [TS]

  what series of things that can do to to [TS]

  remove really good that you don't like [TS]

  that's a really good way to put asked if [TS]

  you might cause Ali past or future base [TS]

  both yeah it's not only I don't [TS]

  understand why I'm sitting in a car it [TS]

  could really also be like why can't like [TS]

  why can't go to meeting the Conqueror [TS]

  you see that everything when you're [TS]

  stoned everything becomes atomized day [TS]

  and everything looks like a discreet [TS]

  little moment and so you're like whoa [TS]

  dude did you did you see that flower but [TS]

  you see that you see the phones but [TS]

  there's no cords plugged in any of them [TS]

  exactly and so stoners are these people [TS]

  they're like I'm so mellow so many dead [TS]

  wife like what [TS]

  dad come on [TS]

  yeah you know I make they lose their [TS]

  shit i hate i hate being that high so [TS]

  much and I think that's one reason I [TS]

  don't do it it's not fun for me it hurts [TS]

  my immune system [TS]

  it makes me paranoid but I really hate [TS]

  being that high people in the [TS]

  entertainment business that smoke a lot [TS]

  of pot at the the worst combination are [TS]

  because if you're if you're a roadie and [TS]

  you smoke a lot of pop that's fine you [TS]

  don't you don't really need your [TS]

  nobody's asking you to do the big [TS]

  picture right here just move the amps on [TS]

  stage you hook them up the same every [TS]

  night you can you can recognize that [TS]

  process but when your road manager is a [TS]

  stoner when people who are running clubs [TS]

  are stoners that's where like money goes [TS]

  missing that's where it's like oh we [TS]

  gotta cancel the show because oh I said [TS]

  I think I saw some snow you know that [TS]

  they lose they will rub management [TS]

  system is there anybody in the world [TS]

  that has to have more access to what you [TS]

  might call multitasking and love that [TS]

  word but somebody who is able to think [TS]

  not simply linearly right [TS]

  certainly there has to be somebody who [TS]

  knows which order the state's go in [TS]

  there right that's like you know where [TS]

  we're going to be in this state before [TS]

  we're in that state and a trip to know [TS]

  right now not confusing saturday with [TS]

  the other saturday right managers will [TS]

  see that that's like just that I mean [TS]

  that is that is more difficult than it [TS]

  sounds but but it like if you get a flat [TS]

  knowing within seconds which three [TS]

  people to call in which order right [TS]

  that's a bad thing I got high or not I [TS]

  cannot fast at that and some people are [TS]

  they know exactly they're already doing [TS]

  it right but those are skills that that [TS]

  even an interstate truck driver can [TS]

  master not not to cast aspersions on [TS]

  anyone who's driving an interstate truck [TS]

  because i think some of that work is [TS]

  God's were scarce still scared the [TS]

  Teamsters are but because you know as [TS]

  your little under driven across America [TS]

  in the middle of the night and I've done [TS]

  I've done the entire trip in the middle [TS]

  of in the middle of one night [TS]

  it's there are a lot of trucks out there [TS]

  without ephedrine um but speaking of [TS]

  federal lab write that down on a [TS]

  notecard got it right here to get along [TS]

  but I'm madder than ever about [TS]

  California and drug was the thing [TS]

  about the thing about road managers is [TS]

  or people in the entertainment business [TS]

  that have to master some technical [TS]

  aspect or a lot of technical aspect but [TS]

  also deal with with artists and [TS]

  personalities so it's not enough that [TS]

  they have to know the order that the [TS]

  states are in but they also have to tend [TS]

  to some weeping little rock star that [TS]

  whose playstation 3 can't boot up or [TS]

  whatever and and to those are such [TS]

  separate skill sets to be good at both [TS]

  things and I think there are a lot of [TS]

  people in Hollywood who have this job to [TS]

  where they have to minister to these you [TS]

  know these a flamboyant and and [TS]

  completely untethered personalities and [TS]

  I think that's really think through how [TS]

  electricity works [TS]

  oh my god are absolutely real anybody [TS]

  who got famous before the age of 27 [TS]

  I don't think I can have possibly have [TS]

  amassed the life skills the skillset [TS]

  necessary to not be a total horse's ass [TS]

  for the rest of their life you know like [TS]

  if you if you got famous before you're [TS]

  27 and you have managed to be a decent [TS]

  person you are an anomaly because I [TS]

  don't know [TS]

  oh no I totally agree with you that's [TS]

  why I mean there's so many things I've [TS]

  wished for that i'm glad i never got [TS]

  right being born rich [TS]

  well you haven't Porsha nice this is the [TS]

  nice thing about being 45 is this is the [TS]

  perfect age to find out that your family [TS]

  is actually extremely rich [TS]

  sing it sister now I think about like [TS]

  again it sounds like you were wired [TS]

  pretty well yeah Jordan orange pants and [TS]

  encyclopedia [TS]

  but you know I think about myself and [TS]

  like how much of an emotional child i am [TS]

  even today and can you imagine suddenly [TS]

  like the Ford agency or whatever gets [TS]

  you a gig and you're on some Disney show [TS]

  suddenly or whatever i don't know [TS]

  exactly that simple but there are [TS]

  certainly stories imagine their people [TS]

  and you know just showed up on Saved by [TS]

  the Bell pretty quickly or whatever but [TS]

  all the sudden at this age [TS]

  anytime after like three and before 27 [TS]

  like if you suddenly have are surrounded [TS]

  by people [TS]

  telling you that you are great and [TS]

  everything is great and giving you just [TS]

  probably terrible advice you know you [TS]

  don't get me started on the whole idea [TS]

  of agency in general when you're [TS]

  surrounded by people who literally it's [TS]

  like you know in loco parentis there are [TS]

  people making decisions about your life [TS]

  around you right [TS]

  what happens before you're old enough to [TS]

  appreciate I think part of getting older [TS]

  is realizing that greatness like [TS]

  tremendous creativity artistic talent [TS]

  Beauty ability greatness in all its [TS]

  forms is still not worth that much in [TS]

  the grand scheme of things like there [TS]

  are so many people in the world that [TS]

  even your greatness is just a hill of [TS]

  beans and I think if if you are told [TS]

  that you're great at a young age your [TS]

  your natural inclination as a person is [TS]

  to think that greatness is some like [TS]

  transcends somehow because we all have [TS]

  this app will on this belief that that [TS]

  we're going to arrive at a certain age [TS]

  and it's going to be coasting from then [TS]

  on [TS]

  right like you're going to get to a [TS]

  certain point and everything just turned [TS]

  14 it'll be downhill that's exactly [TS]

  right [TS]

  oh my god and i still fall for them 4143 [TS]

  now and it's not a boy well i hope by [TS]

  the time I'm 40 really feel like you [TS]

  forfeit because I feel like you counsel [TS]

  people consistently and trying to help [TS]

  people that you counsel them often [TS]

  how does sometimes we discussed it is [TS]

  there is no arrival there is no [TS]

  chlorination nobody's gonna make You [TS]

  Lord of the indie rock in your own mind [TS]

  there i mean in my own mind there is [TS]

  still some some room in the very center [TS]

  of the house where you open the the door [TS]

  and there's a red light bulb in the room [TS]

  first of all and there's a little boy [TS]

  sitting indian-style playing with a [TS]

  combination of the Guns of Navarone [TS]

  playset and some Legos and some hot [TS]

  wheels and you look at him and you go [TS]

  what he got and he says well I hope by [TS]

  the time 45 i don't have the kind of my [TS]

  fantasies about imaginary children have [TS]

  to deal with any of this shit anymore [TS]

  you know I just I just don't want to [TS]

  deal with any of this shit anymore and [TS]

  and of course that moment never arrives [TS]

  but if you are if you're told that you [TS]

  you are fantastic and that greatness [TS]

  matters and that you're put particular [TS]

  greatness is unique [TS]

  then i have to say every new day every [TS]

  new frustration has to be a double slap [TS]

  in the face to you like why do I have to [TS]

  deal with this shit [TS]

  don't you realize well sometimes it's [TS]

  like that the antibacterial soap I'm [TS]

  trying to get off the antibacterial soap [TS]

  because i think i'm doing up you ever [TS]

  not finish penicillin right you ever not [TS]

  finished your antibiotics that are [TS]

  taking good know what I'm capture that's [TS]

  good for you so you take the v7 we saw [TS]

  against Nolan good for you good for you [TS]

  that's probably where such a bacterial [TS]

  viral mess my good when I get sick I go [TS]

  sit out in the rain and and I say [TS]

  alright virus it's you or me [TS]

  alright first of all it's not a virus [TS]

  because you can't kill the Paris on [TS]

  changing alright bacteria you think [TS]

  you're tough [TS]

  how do you like this cold rain this is [TS]

  what all the great men have done [TS]

  voltaire sat in the rain Mussolini rain [TS]

  all right [TS]

  ok ill rain they call you so blue [TS]

  Mussolini's in your list of all the [TS]

  great men i have a lot of cards John [TS]

  alright i was cleaning and and Pol Pot [TS]

  he's that in the rain is a snappy [TS]

  dresser [TS]

  ok listen i want to mention i agree with [TS]

  you except to say that I think the the [TS]

  false greatness is a important but [TS]

  somewhat tertiary point2 what I want I [TS]

  mean yes absolutely but the thing is [TS]

  that's true for anybody's got a fucking [TS]

  BMW before they had a job that I mean [TS]

  I'm sorry sandy but i'm not even envious [TS]

  I'm really actually jealous of the [TS]

  airport ok ok it's a fine distinction [TS]

  you know unless you're a dick tart like [TS]

  all those guys with the fucking BMWs [TS]

  screw those guys you know I you know [TS]

  what we have a black german car with a [TS]

  black german car that is 16 years old [TS]

  wait a minute got your black german cars [TS]

  one of those tiny little things that [TS]

  fits in them he gonna karate in San [TS]

  Francisco garage [TS]

  you know what's funny is on the car that [TS]

  we have it was probably the somewhat of [TS]

  a nice official but it was like the [TS]

  official car of the guy who never made [TS]

  any money in the dot-com revolution [TS]

  everybody had a late nineties jetta like [TS]

  it's just black jets what you had but i [TS]

  like to help that i'm not a total douche [TS]

  i'm constantly astounded by how many [TS]

  complete dicks drive bmws and let's say [TS]

  that for a whole cars episode but i [TS]

  think is that the the the BMW drivers [TS]

  are missing out on the farfegnugen yes [TS]

  this is the joy of driving [TS]

  yeah no no it's absolutely true uh [TS]

  there's you know there's a lot of stuff [TS]

  like that do you ever see the xfinity [TS]

  from comcast to get the comcast up there [TS]

  i'm sure we can get CB texts xfinity [TS]

  like Josh you know as we speak right now [TS]

  i have two different accounts with [TS]

  comcast this is a show i could not have [TS]

  done with you it two years ago because i [TS]

  don't have xfinity yet I can't even tell [TS]

  you how the fact that i now have exactly [TS]

  the same fucking coaxial cable coming [TS]

  into my house but now it's called [TS]

  xfinity it's changed everything [TS]

  so this man is copper its branded copper [TS]

  i think i have xfinity to but how do you [TS]

  tell if you have xfinity what is xfinity [TS]

  you consider yourself to generally be a [TS]

  happy and well-adjusted person [TS]

  no fuck you you don't have xfinity [TS]

  asshole up dammit i think i do have [TS]

  expenditure you know what your fig [TS]

  nooters loading too slowly i get things [TS]

  in the mail all the time but say [TS]

  expended I get constantly is gonna throw [TS]

  them in the garbage are some of those [TS]

  important you fucked up to ask another [TS]

  question rap was the last time you felt [TS]

  deep down in your gut you're laying [TS]

  there trying to sleep the aliens are [TS]

  knocking when's the last time you [TS]

  thought a really profound sense of [TS]

  hospitality on know what it was the last [TS]

  time I felt a special hospitality and [TS]

  deep in your heart you felt that [TS]

  combination of hospitality and an [TS]

  Italian food hospitality on oh you never [TS]

  been to an olive garden [TS]

  ah no well no that's not true i have [TS]

  been to an olive like like dr. Seuss [TS]

  books it ends and ends with an [TS]

  unnecessary ! i'm not going to [TS]

  demonstrate it [TS]

  I've been to an olive garden and I've [TS]

  also been to what's the other one the [TS]

  one with the cheesecake factory I've [TS]

  been to both of those are the sexist [TS]

  cheesecake depository that that is a [TS]

  farcical restaurant that India was one [TS]

  load load purse but sit on what's my [TS]

  claim jumpers i have i've never been to [TS]

  claim jumpers but I went to the version [TS]

  i went to an Outback Steakhouse because [TS]

  i do not want to be living [TS]

  I love an outback stick either this is [TS]

  the same reason I started going on 4chan [TS]

  I don't want to [TS]

  living in a world brought don't [TS]

  understand what people are talking about [TS]

  ok John I'm gonna what I'm gonna write [TS]

  down one word here to work i want to [TS]

  write down our mall and I'd like you [TS]

  asked me about it later i'm gonna put [TS]

  aside i wanna they put a cheesecake [TS]

  factory in the center of downtown [TS]

  Seattle I it's an abortion its inviting [TS]

  a board that's it was a lot there was a [TS]

  line seriously alignment went around the [TS]

  block for 3-4 weeks at a time and I was [TS]

  like place must have the most fantastic [TS]

  cheesecake in the world it could you [TS]

  know why because the catchphrase for the [TS]

  place should be $23 to show the world [TS]

  why they're right you go in there and [TS]

  it's a bunch of fucking selfish insane [TS]

  diabetic fat ass [TS]

  no offense fast American sitting down of [TS]

  talk back in a minute [TS]

  even giant giant giant portions of [TS]

  really really unhealthy food that was [TS]

  the first time first time I ever saw [TS]

  bloomin onion which I don't think they [TS]

  are a lot of that's a lot of fat that's [TS]

  a lot of added value i think that's I [TS]

  think that's a copyrighted phrase i [TS]

  don't think i would absolutely is where [TS]

  you can go in wikipedia entry on this I [TS]

  think that we talked about this [TS]

  yeah you talk about human conversation [TS]

  I've ever had all you we talked about [TS]

  this all about value added service you [TS]

  don't sure reason you see all onion know [TS]

  Blum you understand that all that [TS]

  useless looters and the jalapeno popper [TS]

  housing about a momentary poppers [TS]

  ok i wish i can write this down real [TS]

  quick hospitality honor because I want [TS]

  to finish my thought here what happened [TS]

  aliano is a trademark phrase employed by [TS]

  the olive garden to make you feel like [TS]

  you're having an esata you have to go to [TS]

  Easter excited to look that up the [TS]

  cylinder get rid of course you're not [TS]

  taking it [TS]

  ok so here's my thing hospital now and [TS]

  our mall yellow ball [TS]

  oh I got to say about the small buddy I [TS]

  new ball oh god I i was madder than an [TS]

  onanist in a bathtub this week i can [TS]

  tell you about it i'm thinking of the [TS]

  entire sunset area of san francisco [TS]

  which is a very large part of the city [TS]

  yes I can't think of a single mall in it [TS]

  i think it was your got talent in be and [TS]

  more [TS]

  it was it not the pnw probably were [TS]

  NIMBY was invented [TS]

  it's a very popular i cannot send them [TS]

  into up here [TS]

  yes a little piggy Mary or at least it [TS]

  was before people realized that being [TS]

  called a NIMBY was exactly the same as [TS]

  having the phrase for [TS]

  first world problems shouted at you [TS]

  myself but that has like that don't that [TS]

  still has one of the songs a rat tail or [TS]

  right I'm dreadlock first world problem [TS]

  maybe it's it's it's the i just learned [TS]

  about firstworldproblems I've register [TS]

  know I read about it in the new york [TS]

  times in my copy was a little wet [TS]

  firstworldproblems you subscribe to the [TS]

  new york times i have subscribed to [TS]

  fucking death march i bought it for my [TS]

  wife I feel here we got one another [TS]

  these were in the stack me feel [TS]

  obligated to read every word and so it [TS]

  oscillates very costly it comes every [TS]

  day and it takes three hours to read [TS]

  even if even the thin ones if you if you [TS]

  are obligated to read every word [TS]

  how did so i would sit and just read [TS]

  this thing was like oh this march [TS]

  through history [TS]

  well in fairness to the New York Times [TS]

  who are idiots the the whoever was [TS]

  delivering it somebody stealing our [TS]

  paper basically everyday so even when we [TS]

  doubt it down to just weekends we got it [TS]

  maybe one out of three days someone's [TS]

  feeling your paper I mean you have to go [TS]

  up a long flight of stairs to get to [TS]

  your door [TS]

  don't be creepy if somewhere in the [TS]

  thing is we asked them to make it go up [TS]

  the stairs but they wouldn't do that and [TS]

  so here's the thing now before that for [TS]

  awhile i signed up for the introductory [TS]

  offer we got the new york times every [TS]

  day and we guilty SAT there and read the [TS]

  equivalent of a short book everyday home [TS]

  but here's the thing also I I this is [TS]

  not interesting [TS]

  I i got it under one of those special [TS]

  deals and special video intellectual [TS]

  deal in a way and i realized i was [TS]

  spending spending 100 dollars a month on [TS]

  a newspaper [TS]

  mm and that just made me angry okay York [TS]

  Times quick maybe oh man [TS]

  John I'm 100 mall your mall I know what [TS]

  I have something very deep in the stack [TS]

  that's important [TS]

  let's come back to the market that's a [TS]

  long one hospitality on you know [TS]

  hospitality know before they officially [TS]

  put it on the menu [TS]

  my friends and I knew about the [TS]

  unlimited salad and breadsticks or six [TS]

  dollars and you do not want a college [TS]

  student you not want a group of ghee [TS]

  college students high on coke refills [TS]

  refills to know about the the salad [TS]

  breadsticks that that's a waitron worst [TS]

  nightmare [TS]

  well but here's the things yeah that and [TS]

  I'm gonna stay here is basically the [TS]

  hospitality on until the day I die if [TS]

  you want true hospitality on know if [TS]

  you're in college and you [TS]

  and your thing and and the idea of [TS]

  unlimited salad bar breadsticks appeals [TS]

  to you [TS]

  yes let me introduce you to the subway [TS]

  meatball sandwich without many meatballs [TS]

  salmon [TS]

  I mean outside of medicine that was my [TS]

  original go to subway but the price has [TS]

  gone up but i don't think you can get [TS]

  two meatball sandwiches for seven bucks [TS]

  anymore it's for chili on it but you [TS]

  made out of treatment it is you buy a [TS]

  bunch of dividing a clutch of sandwiches [TS]

  pretty often [TS]

  early early on in the touring of the [TS]

  touring life of the long winters there [TS]

  was a joke among the other guys in the [TS]

  band which was extra meat for a dollar [TS]

  we sit down at the at the at the table [TS]

  and I'd always be the last one to sit [TS]

  down because I'm parking the van or [TS]

  whatever and then I'd walk up to the [TS]

  table they don't be looking at the menus [TS]

  and they would have they would have [TS]

  searched the menu to see if anywhere on [TS]

  it says extra feature the color is [TS]

  really like hey John guess what extra [TS]

  meat for a dollar [TS]

  well really extra meat for a dollar it's [TS]

  the first time in three days you guys [TS]

  had bonded double it up double it up [TS]

  oh I know all I used to sit in the [TS]

  bathtub bonito de Paul sandwiches what I [TS]

  just a college and I would get super [TS]

  baked and sit in a bathtub and not you [TS]

  don't even need a napkin you just in the [TS]

  bathtub you use the bathtub like other [TS]

  people have friends meatballs covered in [TS]

  meatballs and I was covered from my [TS]

  eyebrows to my too many more efficient [TS]

  what could be more efficient though if [TS]

  you put like a little bit of a drain [TS]

  catch in there like it's like a loose [TS]

  screen like an archeologist would have [TS]

  you're not gonna have a problem not a [TS]

  problem [TS]

  you get a little you get a little more [TS]

  volley or meteor than you want hit the [TS]

  shower boom start over hit reset hilltop [TS]

  halfway up Sparky duty and just jerkin [TS]

  just dressed like it just like the [TS]

  ancient people because I feel like yes [TS]

  ancient people when they ate when they [TS]

  had a meal they were covered in sauce [TS]

  that's part sauce a protective ancient [TS]

  saws from from their eyebrows to their [TS]

  knees they were covered in soft because [TS]

  they had to get all the way inside the [TS]

  bore right i mean i don't know if you [TS]

  like it like it like warming look at on [TS]

  what are you talking about [TS]

  basically I one time many many years ago [TS]

  we group of people and I went down went [TS]

  down to the pike place market here where [TS]

  they throw the fish [TS]

  yep and we said to the body [TS]

  by the original starbucks if memory [TS]

  serves it just down the block [TS]

  we went to the to the old-fashioned [TS]

  butcher that is there at the pike place [TS]

  market we said we want to goat [TS]

  where-where-where hippies and we want to [TS]

  hold goat we wanted to eat a whole go to [TS]

  my guy said we don't have goat that [TS]

  takes it takes me like like eight days [TS]

  to get a goat has a special order [TS]

  nobody eats goat in America he said but [TS]

  I got it but i have a shy can get you a [TS]

  sheep and we said all right we wanted to [TS]

  goat but sergeant what the fuck kind of [TS]

  responses that from a butcher [TS]

  well it was nowadays i bet you go down [TS]

  there and some guy with a tattoo on his [TS]

  neck at a fauxhawk tells you oh what [TS]

  kind of go do you wanna do on a you know [TS]

  San Francisco go toward always mentions [TS]

  you can go always mention used to being [TS]

  a ska band [TS]

  hey here they got they got goats they [TS]

  got every kind of artisanal go you can [TS]

  buy now but at the time this is 1993 or [TS]

  something that they weren't just the one [TS]

  throwing goats actually had yet to make [TS]

  it a special and this guy was going to [TS]

  get us a go but he was like there's a [TS]

  day waiting period that would bring in [TS]

  the tourist if they started throwing the [TS]

  fucking that's it would and we were like [TS]

  like all right we don't we wanted we [TS]

  wanted today right i mean we didn't with [TS]

  we were stoners we couldn't think eight [TS]

  days in advance so he gives us the Sheep [TS]

  an entire sheep and and we carted back [TS]

  to this house and it was right in the [TS]

  center of town I don't know what we were [TS]

  thinking but we dug a pit in the [TS]

  backyard and he filled it have any [TS]

  experience with go cooking or she [TS]

  thinking [TS]

  none of us that was just you know that [TS]

  the sum I think it was one of the girls [TS]

  had this idea that we should eat a goat [TS]

  and that off we went [TS]

  you know and so we would take a pit in [TS]

  the backyard we fill it with coals and [TS]

  we wrap this entire goat in aluminum [TS]

  foil we throw it in the pit we cover it [TS]

  with dirt we sit there for the afternoon [TS]

  his goat is underground [TS]

  and back by mid-afternoon we did the [TS]

  goat up and and it's a you know it kind [TS]

  of catches on fire for a while because [TS]

  because the fat one of the first super [TS]

  easy don't think it just just kept just [TS]

  caught right on one of the lanolin comes [TS]

  from sleep well that's it that's exactly [TS]

  right that's they come from the Sheep [TS]

  although from the furry part right but [TS]

  anyway so we get this goat out and and [TS]

  we put out a grounder it's all covered [TS]

  in in the in dirt and stuff where the [TS]

  foil had fallen apart and everybody kind [TS]

  of backs away from it because it's it's [TS]

  a it's a whole it's this whole carcass [TS]

  that's a that's now like black nobody [TS]

  wants to come close to it and so [TS]

  somebody somebody like well you know [TS]

  who's gonna what do we do now kind of [TS]

  thing and so I walk over to it and I [TS]

  start to kind of poke at it and I said [TS]

  give me some give me some plates give me [TS]

  some trays you know and and I started to [TS]

  take this sheep part a little bit by bit [TS]

  and kind of find the meat and and and [TS]

  separated and put it over on this train [TS]

  pretty soon I'm covered in sheep sauce [TS]

  like I'm up to my elbows in this sheep [TS]

  and everybody stand around and enter and [TS]

  everybody's kind of panting like and [TS]

  there of course we're hippies right so [TS]

  their dogs all around but there but the [TS]

  well-trained dog so they're all kind of [TS]

  like attentive standing there like huh [TS]

  and and there's like we have a keg s and [TS]

  people start showing up and i'm i'm in [TS]

  this shape and point apart and pretty [TS]

  soon I'm like taking big handfuls of [TS]

  them eating while I'm one pulling the [TS]

  Sheep apart and other people kind of [TS]

  join in pretty soon everybody's up to [TS]

  their elbows in this in this sheep and [TS]

  we're all covered with grease and it was [TS]

  the most back an alien experience of my [TS]

  whole life pretty soon where this thing [TS]

  that we were extremely timid about [TS]

  approaching at first [TS]

  we're just all diving into this thing [TS]

  and by the end of it by the end of the [TS]

  evening there was not a bit of that [TS]

  sheep left the dogs had eaten all the [TS]

  bones complete [TS]

  the eaten them them we had devoured [TS]

  people were licking the trains like we [TS]

  we all has been hippies we are raging [TS]

  boner like it was it was bonkers [TS]

  I still think about that time whenever I [TS]

  whenever I need a boat boost of [TS]

  confidence whenever I gotta got my tie [TS]

  on and i'm downtown i'm about to go see [TS]

  some magistrate about some trumped-up [TS]

  charges but you've got to try and keep [TS]

  to try to keep me down so that my wisdom [TS]

  isn't spread ya as I'm about to walk [TS]

  into the magistrate's office i think [TS]

  right right i was once covered in I was [TS]

  once in sheep [TS]

  I know what it's like i am a i'm a man [TS]

  who da can devour ago you can beat that [TS]

  rap see what I'm saying and that's an [TS]

  experience I don't think a lot of people [TS]

  have that but what I realize later was I [TS]

  had a proto experience with a meatball [TS]

  sandwich in a bathtub like I understood [TS]

  that sense of being understood that [TS]

  feeling being covered in sauce it's [TS]

  actually your little Tim it's how I [TS]

  approach that meatball Sammy said was a [TS]

  community giving seven ok because most [TS]

  people sit down at the table and they're [TS]

  like I mean there's ppl sandwich without [TS]

  getting dirty [TS]

  oh well it was wrong know that sandwich [TS]

  starts with shame and fear that sandwich [TS]

  he starts thinking that this general [TS]

  look ask you this you take a live animal [TS]

  and throw it in a hot pot it makes a [TS]

  little screaming noise which is actually [TS]

  the flesh tearing working about [TS]

  persevering away from the show you're [TS]

  talking about a sea animal i'm talking [TS]

  about a sea animal start/stop [TS]

  black-and-gray you're not gonna throw [TS]

  live mammal and upon step at a time when [TS]

  the seven ok and what do they do in the [TS]

  the vicious act of taking a live animal [TS]

  the only way to have this animal you [TS]

  really tasty is to have the water super [TS]

  hot and the love your crab or lobster [TS]

  the lobster be very very alive you throw [TS]

  a lobster into boiling water and cook it [TS]

  and then somebody take some butter from [TS]

  a cow and heats it up and put it next to [TS]

  you somebody takes a fucking lobster [TS]

  that was alive a few minutes ago and put [TS]

  it on your plate and what's the first [TS]

  thing you do is look at napkin on you [TS]

  put on a plastic bit [TS]

  picture a drawing optimizer on it [TS]

  yeah right that that's the point at [TS]

  which you are divorced from your animal [TS]

  nature will put a bib that's a meal that [TS]

  begins with an apology and in your case [TS]

  you're absolutely right you know the [TS]

  lobster experience should be they put [TS]

  that Lobster in front of you and you [TS]

  take off your fucking shirt that's what [TS]

  that's what that should be you should [TS]

  take off your shirt and draw a lobster [TS]

  on your chest you know that's how we'll [TS]

  take the lobsters wife is still alive [TS]

  attach it to your head with a rubber [TS]

  band [TS]

  so it's almost that laughs it's almost [TS]

  like so we can see only know what I [TS]

  don't know it's got to see you come on [TS]

  this lobster lobster eyelids and ate [TS]

  them with her husband sit there maybe [TS]

  you take the baby lobsters and like [TS]

  gaffer tape it to the top of the mama [TS]

  you got kids bleacher seats and then you [TS]

  fuck you fucking dig in [TS]

  so you're covered with like a lobster [TS]

  sauce lobster sauce that's it that's I [TS]

  think that's a ping-pong thing I have to [TS]

  go home I'll John now Cassie question [TS]

  the arm that now the Sheep like I think [TS]

  about how i like it we dined out you see [TS]

  what are you a rare medium-rare coming [TS]

  on your me America some medium rare oh [TS]

  yeah like a rare if it's really burned [TS]

  on the outside like a Pittsburgh style [TS]

  that's kind of cheap ok that seems to [TS]

  make that there's a place in a and [TS]

  Alaska called the double muskie and it's [TS]

  like it's it it's way out in the forest [TS]

  but they they have something that like a [TS]

  Michelin star or something because [TS]

  because there is nobody knows how to [TS]

  take it with me get these steaks that [TS]

  are the size of rugby balls and the way [TS]

  they cook them is they just they have a [TS]

  fireplace like a big fire first look at [TS]

  like baseball or a tomahawk know like a [TS]

  like a like a rugby ball I mean that [TS]

  so these are baseball steak yeah but i [TS]

  had one in sun valley one time was so [TS]

  stoned i couldn't finish it because [TS]

  there's the other thing about being [TS]

  stoned you get halfway into a steak and [TS]

  you get super grossed out because you're [TS]

  high [TS]

  nice try sushi you're thinking about it [TS]

  too much happening with sushi gets warm [TS]

  i get really main mmm ok so anyway so [TS]

  you are out there in the woods is always [TS]

  making these huge stakes these gigantic [TS]

  gorgeous takes they just throw them in a [TS]

  fireplace and that gets you a Michelin [TS]

  star ever [TS]

  that move I've heard that called [TS]

  Pittsburgh and have her call black and [TS]

  blue [TS]

  I think it's a replica Pittsburgh is the [TS]

  the origin of that sucks burg is when [TS]

  you know what you're going to get [TS]

  corrected by herself into Pittsburgh [TS]

  know about from Ohio so I know enough [TS]

  not to go there [TS]

  Pittsburgh if you've been to Pittsburgh [TS]

  that is an appropriate like the the burn [TS]

  on the outside rare on the inside stake [TS]

  is an appropriate metaphor for the city [TS]

  can write that down Pittsburgh duh [TS]

  don't overthink it my own bila ok no [TS]

  actually don't tell me it's the Ohio the [TS]

  I know this woman such a great word [TS]

  there's three there's three [TS]

  that's right rivers it's the name um [TS]

  hang on it's the Allegheny oh hey [TS]

  Allegheny the Ohio in the monk [TS]

  Monongahela well be the alligator in the [TS]

  Monongahela like go a beating like make [TS]

  the Ohio so yes those are the three [TS]

  rivers offers its neck i will not hear [TS]

  any talk like that [TS]

  let me ask you this real quick chop your [TS]

  head don't think about a pittsburgh vs [TS]

  Detroit which is worse [TS]

  detroit right Detroit's a thousand times [TS]

  workspace / Pittsburgh is anyone really [TS]

  bad anymore they tore down all the [TS]

  abandoned factories in pittsburgh and [TS]

  replace them with predictable like malls [TS]

  and baseball stadium cheesecake [TS]

  factory's but when you first when i [TS]

  first went to Pittsburgh back in the [TS]

  eighties holy moly you don't want [TS]

  anyways that was really when the whole [TS]

  rustbelt they're still struggling to get [TS]

  away from the Rust Belt like well they [TS]

  were closer and all effector is down and [TS]

  the Union people something how I thought [TS]

  that was that was that was a nylon [TS]

  curtain we just had a bunch of fucking [TS]

  fake Bruce Springsteen songs here the [TS]

  animal all go down together that's [TS]

  different is that that's not allentown [TS]

  that's a goodnight Saigon hello hello [TS]

  hanoi what's that cult there was there [TS]

  was a certain point in the psychological [TS]

  a certain point in the Canon of Billy [TS]

  Joel yeah which I like to man that can [TS]

  but which I locate somewhere around the [TS]

  first note that Billy Joel ever saying [TS]

  where I started that is so just if that [TS]

  it's really terrible like a light John [TS]

  I'm still stinging over the kiss thing [TS]

  but you know what I'm not gonna take [TS]

  that would be [TS]

  show you know what their you maybe you [TS]

  could say stranger you want to say [TS]

  glasshouses fine you know that's fine [TS]

  you know I'm just saying you want to [TS]

  model the red a bottle of wine offer [TS]

  later but they can't because the mood [TS]

  tonight you tell me you like piano man [TS]

  all I do not [TS]

  it's a white piano man at all i don't [TS]

  like pni at all i think that's what you [TS]

  don't like the last verse of that song [TS]

  that doesn't sound like a cut you like [TS]

  that [TS]

  this isn't the piano man is a perfect [TS]

  example of how the American listening [TS]

  public has no clothes [TS]

  oh Jesus a people respond to this guy [TS]

  sitting up there with his horseshit [TS]

  story and they're like mom yours [TS]

  so you're so fucking dead inside but [TS]

  that said I think allentown is a [TS]

  kick-ass jam you know what it is if even [TS]

  if it had different words i think you [TS]

  know what's weird about billy joel is I [TS]

  think some of his strongest songs like [TS]

  Halle notes are mid-tempo numbers i [TS]

  think america is afraid of a good [TS]

  mid-tempo song i loved holla notes [TS]

  oh well think about how no no no no [TS]

  yeah what is that what song is that it's [TS]

  a president of those holiday songs [TS]

  private oh by the way I've been told by [TS]

  numerous people including my friend dr. [TS]

  Donald Schaffner that when you sing the [TS]

  Janet Jackson version of my name sing it [TS]

  Merlin Mann they're watching you [TS]

  sorry I did that did that probably a [TS]

  little bit court while probably it as [TS]

  that's interesting try Tracy unisex and [TS]

  fight into the Santa to privatize Merlin [TS]

  Mann is one you missed it you missed a [TS]

  little you missed a little Sandow melon [TS]

  man okay we'll have to my gosh on three [TS]

  babe it i have that I think the reason [TS]

  that allentown is such a great Jam is it [TS]

  uses that same shake like faking [TS]

  synthesizing flake and sound well you [TS]

  know that I think in allentown it's [TS]

  meant to symbolize the [TS]

  the sledge hammer hitting the yeah yeah [TS]

  yeahs think it's or whatever but that's [TS]

  the same exact sound that is in ZZ Top's [TS]

  sleeping bag which is which is the last [TS]

  goodnight this is that the sleeper on [TS]

  what's called a destroyer destroy rock [TS]

  and roll over within the exterminator [TS]

  it's a one-note see the the record after [TS]

  eliminating one of the master records of [TS]

  the eighties and the record after that [TS]

  after they became cartoons & got more [TS]

  like the synthesizers work i keep [TS]

  interrupting I'm sorry it was [TS]

  synthesized really worked and what you [TS]

  said you've written about this that's [TS]

  your favorite for you [TS]

  actually what was that NPR you are [TS]

  somewhere talking about eliminator I [TS]

  keep trying to myself what you talking [TS]

  about that talk about it everywhere your [TS]

  you if you if you ever waited for a bus [TS]

  in seattle just at some point we've had [TS]

  this conversation because I go up to [TS]

  people at bus stops and I say listen [TS]

  have you ever really listened to [TS]

  eliminate or now I know it's [TS]

  non-canonical I know you're supposed to [TS]

  only like the the you know tres hombres [TS]

  era of ZZ top but I swear to you [TS]

  eliminator is a is a subscriber you on [TS]

  the crackpot Jesse thorn thing he [TS]

  described extremely well I think you as [TS]

  well as you can articulate and it's not [TS]

  really that good [TS]

  I think you made a really good case for [TS]

  it but here's the problem after problem [TS]

  the record that came right after [TS]

  eliminator and you used all the same [TS]

  formula afterburner was just uh it was [TS]

  just a steaming plate of horseshit [TS]

  terrible didn't take the synthesizer [TS]

  because the synthesizer part of what [TS]

  really makes that the previous record [TS]

  work they did they kind of over do it [TS]

  justice either i was that it was the [TS]

  since onyx drums it was all that was all [TS]

  the fake sounds the problem with [TS]

  afterburners that they forgot that that [TS]

  that there needs to be a long guitar [TS]

  solo in the center of every tune [TS]

  treatment you can it was easy top tune [TS]

  and not have it [TS]

  this is the thing ACDC never forgot come [TS]

  to the solo [TS]

  mhm you modulate up a half a step and [TS]

  you and the center of the tune has to be [TS]

  a guitar solo that's awesome that's an [TS]

  awesome tricky underused using half-step [TS]

  recently etf you EDF and any you don't [TS]

  it's not a thing where it's not a thing [TS]

  where you sing the chorus again [TS]

  half-assed right now the structures [TS]

  change which a modulator [TS]

  for the guitar solo and then you come [TS]

  back down and no one even notices that [TS]

  happened but it makes you are so not [TS]

  fresh is everything we don't also like I [TS]

  like yeah my band do this on a couple on [TS]

  the EEG they can all right I'm gonna [TS]

  write that down and come back to [TS]

  something very important that happen [TS]

  I've been seeing bacon right a lot [TS]

  lately okay why i say you want somebody [TS]

  remastered are our bar good record for [TS]

  us [TS]

  somebody but using the technology that [TS]

  we did not have an extra 90 remaster [TS]

  record and it's completely different [TS]

  make you listen to country music [TS]

  you did it like pro bono or he did it he [TS]

  has a friend of ours who like you know [TS]

  it's like friends with Tom shower and [TS]

  stuff he's a really good producer in [TS]

  florida of all places and he is has the [TS]

  ability [TS]

  jon is it possible to go into stuff like [TS]

  he added separation to the drums [TS]

  it's crazy he must have liked the [TS]

  equalizer from Hell example anyway this [TS]

  is a boring wasn't say tejas lagrange [TS]

  ZZTop synthesizers god damn it hold it [TS]

  hold it don't ya we'll find out that [TS]

  Shawn Nelson was the one that pointed [TS]

  this out to me that is a peso piece that [TS]

  there's a there's a kind of southern [TS]

  accent that ZZ top resorts to sometimes [TS]

  but also be CRO ccr ccr does it and and [TS]

  and jackie gleason as the sheriff in in [TS]

  Smokey and the Bandit also had it where [TS]

  the southern accent takes on characters [TS]

  of a kind of Queens Bronx accent hey did [TS]

  I grapevine [TS]

  yeah I heard it through the grapevine [TS]

  like we're what where those two accents [TS]

  both both come up with the the herd to [TS]

  hoid well you you'll remember a few [TS]

  episodes ago when i was doing haha i [TS]

  think it comes from i think it comes [TS]

  from would that be that that's the one [TS]

  that doesn't Charlie Patton is not some [TS]

  house what is it that's it doesn't it's [TS]

  not exactly Chicago what would you call [TS]

  that when you do the you know not back [TS]

  to the product but when you do that what [TS]

  style is that Delta that's not really [TS]

  dealt around [TS]

  but I think that's that kind of leg I [TS]

  think that's where that comes from [TS]

  I think it comes from some kind of not [TS]

  quite Robert Johnson Arab lose but not [TS]

  quite Chicago blues you know saying but [TS]

  before the before the musical aspect [TS]

  evidence the way people actually talked [TS]

  down [TS]

  oh yeah it sounds a lot like I like the [TS]

  way people sound in backing up and get [TS]

  back in the fucking man i got the blues [TS]

  are you do have the blue got this I got [TS]

  the blues from my baby by the simple [TS]

  francisco bay i have the blue so bad [TS]

  that I that I forgot to play the blues [TS]

  and if that doesn't give a person the [TS]

  blue you know what I screw up sometimes [TS]

  can tell you what I do this is so [TS]

  embarrassing this is worse than [TS]

  masturbating on a sandwich in a bathtub [TS]

  sometimes usually they're sometimes [TS]

  accidentally yeah and it's not i'm not [TS]

  trying to do some twelve-tone thing your [TS]

  son's I actually that accidentally do 10 [TS]

  bar blues or 14 bar please [TS]

  what's wrong with that well I don't [TS]

  think that's right the there's no right [TS]

  in blues huh [TS]

  I mean I'm sorry there's no wrong and [TS]

  blues there's no wrong and blue like [TS]

  it's ping-pong talk right now there's no [TS]

  wrong and blues and just like there's no [TS]

  wrong in jazz I think it's funny that is [TS]

  such a misconception about jazz is if [TS]

  you if you play a wrong note you just [TS]

  play it three more times and it's it's a [TS]

  motif can't lose and I don't you know [TS]

  what I think throw anything in a blue so [TS]

  i think that works for monk and i think [TS]

  that works from Miles Davis i think most [TS]

  people just aren't practicing enough the [TS]

  other people you get you kicked out like [TS]

  Chet Baker i think most people there you [TS]

  know there's a lot of tremendously badge [TS]

  as they're all john-john Roderick oh [TS]

  there I need a much much bigger card [TS]

  attached as I got such a problem patch [TS]

  as you can do you know my dad's my dad's [TS]

  a premise about jazz [TS]

  I don't he is to say when do it with [TS]

  their stop being eight saxophones and [TS]

  there was only one guy soloing the whole [TS]

  time that's not chance that [TS]

  just everybody sold at the everybody [TS]

  souls that one's my dad stopped [TS]

  listening to music in nineteen or stop [TS]

  listening to new music in 1950 smart as [TS]

  a pretty decent ride this is the Collin [TS]

  I got trad jazz [TS]

  well he wouldn't even call it that it [TS]

  was big band jazz [TS]

  yeah what he listened to the day died [TS]

  all big band can be fun and listen to us [TS]

  with the passion I mean it's not like he [TS]

  loud [TS]

  yeah he didn't he didn't like his [TS]

  appreciation of music and trail off he [TS]

  just listened to the same Benny Goodman [TS]

  records really out Basie and Duke [TS]

  Ellington and and you know he listened [TS]

  to him and he had friends that I mean [TS]

  they they they traded tapes these guys [TS]

  was he born in what like late twenties [TS]

  early thirties early early twenties [TS]

  19-21 you have got to be kidding me he [TS]

  had a friend that owned a record store [TS]

  he was 45 when you're born [TS]

  yeah oh my god but he and his friend [TS]

  would make him [TS]

  8tracks of these I like he would [TS]

  discover these live cuts are these these [TS]

  a these kind of seaside or not be side [TS]

  but like unreleased tracks that these [TS]

  guys would they cut it cut it to maybe [TS]

  like I think we got a better one but [TS]

  somehow the the original cut would [TS]

  survive and he would put these on these [TS]

  these eight tracks we had all these [TS]

  eight tracks that happens most the [TS]

  Elevens most best-known record is like [TS]

  three takes of each side right like what [TS]

  is it was called such a scoring scoring [TS]

  h in the village what's called see that [TS]

  relationship sure jazz that's a [TS]

  preventive start round 11 seeing you had [TS]

  problems but I think you're totally [TS]

  right and you know what I think long [TS]

  before the grateful dead in the fish i [TS]

  think there were people especially I [TS]

  think that's being the real to real [TS]

  people [TS]

  I remember when you first could record [TS]

  on the eight tracks but I think at that [TS]

  time some people look down their nose [TS]

  this you know i don't know a lot of [TS]

  people like this but you know my parents [TS]

  friends who are really into that kind of [TS]

  music and where the guy that had a whole [TS]

  wall of reals [TS]

  yeah well know those people and their [TS]

  people to this day probably can but John [TS]

  Vanderslice slide into that at some [TS]

  point probably just think all you think [TS]

  he said in that direction where is audio [TS]

  philly actin up when he needs to [TS]

  he needs to get all his music on [TS]

  reel-to-reel yeah that's that's a real [TS]

  commitment even at the time it was a [TS]

  real commitment but i reckon he's a shy [TS]

  because of the guys with the Macintosh [TS]

  stereo was never if my dad had four [TS]

  hundred dollars [TS]

  yeah and he was looking at a Macintosh [TS]

  receiver that was four hundred dollars [TS]

  mcintosh the cost of stereo the costly [TS]

  staring again not mcintosh the later [TS]

  computer he was looking at him at a four [TS]

  dollar store he had four dollars and 400 [TS]

  other stereo or door number 2 a.a an [TS]

  Apple crate with ten forty dollar [TS]

  stereos and it's my dad would absolutely [TS]

  by the Apple crate and think he had [TS]

  gotten a hell of a deal easier but these [TS]

  from a certain time they would come in [TS]

  and be like look at all these stereos I [TS]

  got and I would pick through and I'd be [TS]

  like that this is all garbage [TS]

  he's like what are you talking about i [TS]

  got 10 of them and then there'd be these [TS]

  like little shit stereos all over the [TS]

  house [TS]

  well you know all of them sounded like [TS]

  you're listening to music through a [TS]

  phone dead like it's great i got 10 of [TS]

  these I everything our family ever got [TS]

  are there is no one wider than our [TS]

  family and everything that they got came [TS]

  for some kind of special offer i'm [TS]

  pretty sure like everything we got [TS]

  started with like S&H Green Stamps for [TS]

  joining Columbia House we didn't have [TS]

  green stamps on the west coast or at [TS]

  least I never saw one there's two kinds [TS]

  they they battled they were like the [TS]

  pennies and sears there's like S&H Green [TS]

  Stamps and there's another 1i don't have [TS]

  to [TS]

  smh is part of the problem you know what [TS]

  I just a very very important story that [TS]

  i have to tell you at some point about [TS]

  the day I got somebody else's package [TS]

  from Columbia House it changed [TS]

  everything [TS]

  oh my goodness they ordered some talking [TS]

  heads records or something [TS]

  well you're not gonna love this because [TS]

  i know you don't love all these but ok [TS]

  what was in somebody else's was in quote [TS]

  somebody else's columbia records package [TS]

  or you know this is a huge rack and i [TS]

  just read about this one guy that had [TS]

  not like a thousand times signed up yet [TS]

  fake pio boxes but we got the 10 records [TS]

  for a penny and then under she sailed [TS]

  out [TS]

  trying I'm trying to get units this week [TS]

  I've been busy with the stuff but there [TS]

  was a wonderful article about the [TS]

  decline of Columbia House and not enough [TS]

  because ripping them off [TS]

  well that's part of it but it's also [TS]

  just the change in you know everything [TS]

  you know what they were going through [TS]

  the change [TS]

  yeah yeah they did them in the monarchy [TS]

  of music that's really good [TS]

  so what was in this work that is good i [TS]

  probably man and that was really good [TS]

  tell me about what was in that record [TS]

  package for people are just tuning in [TS]

  like to do a really quick review of all [TS]

  the things that we haven't gotten to [TS]

  talk about just the ones I can you break [TS]

  it down [TS]

  you ready yeah this is just this is just [TS]

  the ones i caught ephedrine and mucinex [TS]

  being oh yeah oh I need to talk about [TS]

  both of those I know John this is the [TS]

  problem is what we need to move to a [TS]

  daily format being famous before 27 the [TS]

  tertiary problem of greatness [TS]

  hospitality on o our mall NIMBY and why [TS]

  it's your fault why hit the new york [TS]

  times that my three favorite kinds of [TS]

  Subway sandwiches extra meat for a [TS]

  dollar throwing fish and or goats the [TS]

  double musky what is the difference [TS]

  penis sheep and a goat a friend you have [TS]

  that makes whole animal meals as a [TS]

  business that's vs detroit and I want [TS]

  you to talk about Detroit you don't like [TS]

  the piano man what my to my really what [TS]

  we have talked with us making my to [TS]

  karaoke song I want to talk about just [TS]

  don't worry karaoke and we'll talk about [TS]

  Jesse thorn how my question is does get [TS]

  the end it was your question did you get [TS]

  to the end of the list was only just [TS]

  said a minute ago I will talk about [TS]

  Detroit say so much as 40 i will talk [TS]

  about Jesse thorns yeah all different [TS]

  show the disability Givens play with the [TS]

  peso mcintosh purchase macintosh and [TS]

  fair lights my to idea of the most [TS]

  expensive things in the world in [TS]

  Columbia House did you know that one of [TS]

  the first record I ever bought ways that [TS]

  we go was the 8-track of studio 50 [TS]

  greatest hits of studio 54 [TS]

  I love disco that was I got that off the [TS]

  television what era we talk about 77 77 [TS]

  yeah I was it was one of those like get [TS]

  it now we're going to studio 54 on [TS]

  8-track cassette I had so many things [TS]

  like you know I have went from Keitel [TS]

  called solid gold [TS]

  it still has like some of my favorite [TS]

  it's got like renegade my record doctor [TS]

  give me the news maybe god oh my god oh [TS]

  bad guys loving you had any track of a [TS]

  surprise silly Joel didn't write that [TS]

  and it with that like overdone vibrato [TS]

  oppado matter never double would it [TS]

  sound so much like born to be wild [TS]

  Oh John that's hard like not all fake [TS]

  working guy thing even if even if you [TS]

  mean Billy Joel began talking about [TS]

  Bruce Springsteen's I made me a little [TS]

  mad i'm going to talk about Brewster [TS]

  it's not that rich he's not i don't [TS]

  think he's a I don't think I think he's [TS]

  protecting it's pretty fucking rich [TS]

  yeah oh he's rich are you kidding me [TS]

  he can't he can't eat anything he wants [TS]

  in anybody's bathtub Bruce Springsteen [TS]

  rides a llama out to the mailbox in the [TS]

  corner like i did a giant novelty-sized [TS]

  mailbox the whole do giant novelty-sized [TS]

  checks he has a got actually he has a [TS]

  whole bunch of little people who ride [TS]

  llamas around his estate on its behalf [TS]

  so I'll just like him [TS]

  it's like that island of dr. Moreau know [TS]

  he has a he has he has ostriches roaming [TS]

  his whole estates and and they had [TS]

  people riding them joust in each other [TS]

  where's that video games like I love the [TS]

  video game just I want to buy my 25 [TS]

  oxygens I want to see it [TS]

  I want to see it in real life imagine [TS]

  the horror of going to Bruce Springsteen [TS]

  estate and it's all real life video [TS]

  games and you're like holy shit he goes [TS]

  yes you might question remember a little [TS]

  game called burger time and really [TS]

  should go [TS]

  did you call me an ostrich like big dog [TS]

  let's go down in the basement I have a [TS]

  glass wall we can see them working do [TS]

  you have this is a performative [TS]

  self-serving questions you haven't you [TS]

  have a karaoke song i hate karaoke took [TS]

  that was not the question John you have [TS]

  a very pleasant holiday for me I do i do [TS]

  oh it's so trying John ok i do have a [TS]

  karaoke song understand and well it's um [TS]

  I'm which mccalla brandy its Brandi that [TS]

  you're a fine girl [TS]

  I have you would be such a girl my love [TS]

  and malena is this data it's a it's a [TS]

  great tune it is a great tune about Baba [TS]

  and the reason that it's my karaoke song [TS]

  is that it falls just right in my [TS]

  register [TS]

  that's right you that's the key that [TS]

  there's two keys to come sorry there's [TS]

  2,000 karaoke one of them is so the [TS]

  second one is it must be in range the [TS]

  first one is you must have the slightest [TS]

  clue how the song goes [TS]

  but this is the problem with Brandi yeah [TS]

  it falls right i was about to say as it [TS]

  falls right in my register between the [TS]

  two places where I'm comfortable singing [TS]

  so it's either i can sing it either an [TS]

  octave up where it's where I'm really [TS]

  straining it's too high but if I'm like [TS]

  if I'm really feeling it or I sing an [TS]

  octave down and it's too low so this is [TS]

  why I hate karaoke because my karaoke [TS]

  song is not in a in a comfortable range [TS]

  that's the first thing you've hated that [TS]

  I have any fucking sympathy for its not [TS]

  very that is a very much in our entire [TS]

  friendship that is the first thing I [TS]

  hated that you've had in him [TS]

  I can't tell if we've been friends with [TS]

  2002-2003 pride 2009 remember the point [TS]

  know it must be 2002 know you're [TS]

  completely unsympathetic character but [TS]

  you just accidentally showed a little [TS]

  bit of yourself not we talking about [TS]

  masturbating with a submarine sandwich [TS]

  but when you brought it out the terms [TS]

  are going to citrus sandwich I'm not a [TS]

  monster [TS]

  taking on this easy that's terrible [TS]

  alright [TS]