Roderick on the Line

Ep. 17: "Antisocially Promoted"


  hello John how are you hi Merlin a la [TS]

  lune man i gotta work on something [TS]

  better [TS]

  what do you recommend what do you think [TS]

  what would you how would you like your [TS]

  name son it's not really as my name [TS]

  isn't as single as your name like that [TS]

  man is like like asking for christmas [TS]

  present right i should come up with [TS]

  something [TS]

  well i don't know i mean that people [TS]

  have tried to give me theme music I've [TS]

  always felt like the best theme music I [TS]

  ever had a butter was on tour one time [TS]

  and butter one of those little 99-cent [TS]

  keyboards in a thrift store and it had [TS]

  it had like 10 presets on it [TS]

  preset buttons like that play little [TS]

  themes and one of them just said [TS]

  oriental top equation congratulations [TS]

  John that's a new record it would be 54 [TS]

  seconds to ping phone when you press the [TS]

  button is the keyboard a little a bit [TS]

  keyboard just went did and so I carried [TS]

  that keyboard around on tour her like [TS]

  three weeks and every time like before I [TS]

  would enter a room I would just put the [TS]

  whole keyboard through the door and push [TS]

  the button did it tonight after like a [TS]

  month of that how much feed her that [TS]

  horrible will sit down let's straighten [TS]

  someone's heart it was so great because [TS]

  it was one of those jokes that that [TS]

  stopped being funny and then got really [TS]

  funny and then got really funny and i [TS]

  love this i just wish i had a half but [TS]

  like like that music everywhere i go i [TS]

  used to one of that's like that today [TS]

  they called a soundboard we go to a page [TS]

  and you can make Arnold Schwarzenegger [TS]

  noises of the big lebowski always were a [TS]

  vest you know that by the plate sad [TS]

  trombone or uh oh yeah yeah yeah exactly [TS]

  something like that are bong ironing [TS]

  like I want I don't want I you gotta be [TS]

  honest with you I don't think of myself [TS]

  as a distant dishonest person I don't [TS]

  have an entire affected like fake [TS]

  audience but i would like the [TS]

  opportunity to punctuate my own not that [TS]

  funny jokes with the south [TS]

  effect ah uu there's a part of you that [TS]

  wants to be a morning DJ it's a very [TS]

  very small part that the probably [TS]

  dropped a lot you hear great morning DJ [TS]

  though I could be a morning DJ it's i [TS]

  don't mind getting up early i don't like [TS]

  driving fingers you could have been a [TS]

  morning DJ I got it I could have been a [TS]

  lot of things John our age group we [TS]

  really have to transition from talking [TS]

  about things that we want to do or could [TS]

  do start talking about things that we [TS]

  could have done that big transition I [TS]

  could've been in the Special Forces yes [TS]

  i am now no longer eligible for the [TS]

  Special Forces I should have listened to [TS]

  my bowling coach because he told me [TS]

  something that sticks with me to this [TS]

  day [TS]

  go ahead ask a question with a question [TS]

  at this point you probably coach John [TS]

  you can't have a bowling team without a [TS]

  coach up not only I'd like to get back [TS]

  let me strike that it wasn't it was not [TS]

  a bowling team was a bowling club right [TS]

  ok so he was a booster club leader [TS]

  bowling i was employed club not a lot of [TS]

  laser that's good way to put it i mean [TS]

  yeah i think you regard himself as a [TS]

  coach you have one of those little those [TS]

  creepy little MIT where when you're [TS]

  serious bowler you know you know this [TS]

  creepy little things that like bowler [TS]

  guys we're not know you're not about a [TS]

  glove [TS]

  it's a kind of club but it's a really it [TS]

  looks like a swimming glove-like hit the [TS]

  web its web [TS]

  I just I've never seen somebody wearing [TS]

  one of those who didn't look a little [TS]

  bit like a discount supervillain when [TS]

  i'm at what I'm wondering is does that [TS]

  give you an unfair advantage in the in [TS]

  bowling the only higher fare advantage [TS]

  is what mr. trapani taught me which is [TS]

  starting when you're young he would say [TS]

  he was also graphics is also the [TS]

  graphics teacher the graphic ret AP [TS]

  history so that doesn't look like Jabba [TS]

  the Hutt mr. Dallison what up boy you [TS]

  wouldn't like you know I'm gonna make a [TS]

  note card about AP History I'm gonna [TS]

  make an original arcade derek [TS]

  congratulations John up saying what [TS]

  16-17 history [TS]

  let's come back to mr. Ellison what I [TS]

  contain this quickly and we shoulda said [TS]

  what was his advice mr. data center mr. [TS]

  at your panty mr. trepanning mr. trapani [TS]

  rights on two cars just don't forget [TS]

  don't listen [TS]

  his wife was the the Dean of girls so it [TS]

  seems like some kind of racket to me mr. [TS]

  japani us eighth grade when I really [TS]

  like graphic arts you know where you're [TS]

  like learn to use a compass and [TS]

  protractor and make with the [TS]

  orthographic orthogonal what are they [TS]

  called the 3d looking drawings you know [TS]

  the cube the mysterious 3d cube so yeah [TS]

  perspective and perspective [TS]

  well in a sense the capital p you [TS]

  learned a kind of respect i learned a [TS]

  kind of perspective kind of perspective [TS]

  you can get in pasco county in 1980 and [TS]

  mr. training said he would say ruefully [TS]

  ruefully he would say I think from the [TS]

  tri-state area [TS]

  I'm guessing he wasn't really he said it [TS]

  with roo with that kind of love you make [TS]

  a lot of room and he said he said [TS]

  ruefully he said any shaky-shaky was [TS]

  roomful rueful yeah like room yeah and [TS]

  he shake it shake his bearded head and [TS]

  he'd say guys i really wish i had [TS]

  started doing this when I was 14 he says [TS]

  because bowling is one of those games [TS]

  where if you started if you guys took [TS]

  this seriously he was super nice [TS]

  he said if you stick with this and you [TS]

  do this a couple three times a week you [TS]

  could go to the show you could go to the [TS]

  show you go all the way to the top play [TS]

  with the big boys wherein the wearing [TS]

  the metal cleats homeland and he said in [TS]

  he said look that's the thing now you [TS]

  know I i inferred inregister active [TS]

  everything that's true of tap dance [TS]

  that's not true that's not you I mean [TS]

  that's the dental professional secret [TS]

  she started young when she started on [TS]

  all that exciting tsui you I don't think [TS]

  that's true football I think you have to [TS]

  be a pirate case I think you got to be a [TS]

  little bit [TS]

  oh no I mean you certainly have to be [TS]

  big but but that's self-selected to be [TS]

  gay [TS]

  not really i don't think i don't think [TS]

  that's a prerequisite [TS]

  ok let's get me they can perfectly dog [TS]

  fighting who [TS]

  good point um no I think I mean some of [TS]

  that stuff is self-selecting calling [TS]

  that Gulf of a coffee try really hard [TS]

  coffee get good i bet you do get good [TS]

  yeah that's a lot of I mean there are a [TS]

  lot of things that you can't get good at [TS]

  no matter how hard you try if you're um [TS]

  motard who right i mean that's that's [TS]

  good but I don't think I wish we had [TS]

  that word [TS]

  there's two words you and i love that we [TS]

  just can't use [TS]

  a two there's two very special words [TS]

  that most artists is his offensive it [TS]

  isn't any cricket John that's like you [TS]

  know what you really want to say if you [TS]

  have if you have parties like calling [TS]

  somebody a maggot [TS]

  tap quick little maggot quit acting like [TS]

  a magnet for a mag are such it's just [TS]

  such a fag butts so Maggie you could say [TS]

  you could say flame tarde you could say [TS]

  you could well you can't say float art [TS]

  because that's a girl I know but you can [TS]

  put tired at the end of anything and [TS]

  it's it's automatically offensive is [TS]

  horribly offensive anymore into the [TS]

  harmful that's the only ppl just like [TS]

  two winners in Canada you should have a [TS]

  medical procedure more often this is the [TS]

  John this is the John you know I think [TS]

  if you keep it fresh [TS]

  I'll do all the clown tardy dicked hard [TS]

  ground hard on the fucktard you don't [TS]

  look at me a clown tarde [TS]

  look II know that from you as fuck [TS]

  staying I never and I was a kid I've [TS]

  never heard that before [TS]

  well fuck spain i mean is there a lower [TS]

  thing tantrum a stain [TS]

  yes and forum that's right Santorum fans [TS]

  have a channel when I do not want to [TS]

  talk about tea party you don't want to [TS]

  talk about politics and mr. sharp and [TS]

  mr. Schmidt was rueful he was good man [TS]

  he was what you don't want to get a [TS]

  giant jar Drew he had ruined i don't use [TS]

  the first bedroom yeah yeah Louisiana [TS]

  sauce it's got flour in it or through [TS]

  this a little of that Louisiana sauce [TS]

  that leaves your friends manuscript [TS]

  names on it easy and resolved through [TS]

  the baby kangaroo and winnie the pooh [TS]

  all through short for roofie a rifle all [TS]

  but they ready you're having a stroke [TS]

  alright here's a link to the first 1i [TS]

  have today mr. miss her panty was [TS]

  supervising Minister Mr detlefsen I was [TS]

  not in AP History I'm not you cannot be [TS]

  a nice teacher if your name is dead love [TS]

  some know in that awful it used to just [TS]

  you're born pretty you get a cold sore [TS]

  just saying that out yet listen deadlift [TS]

  shrimp seem like a nice guy [TS]

  deadlift shrimp that left shrimp [TS]

  he was a basketball player back in the [TS]

  old days [TS]

  back in Seattle had a basketball team [TS]

  well the Sonics that's right and wear [TS]

  this wear this all here we go again now [TS]

  wear this on it so don't tell me they're [TS]

  in Iowa know Oklahoma City Hall for the [TS]

  love of Christ that makes me angry John [TS]

  and I hate sports you know this about me [TS]

  i hate sports but I only thing I hate [TS]

  more than sports is people who like [TS]

  sports and people who can suffer the [TS]

  idea of a regional name going to a [TS]

  different fucking place is so goddamn [TS]

  woman semi and now they're called like [TS]

  the the Oklahoma City gold stars or the [TS]

  Oklahoma City like just like a sex thing [TS]

  there likes the sunshine rainbows now or [TS]

  something and get their name they have [TS]

  one of those expansion names I don't [TS]

  care about sports either now but all the [TS]

  new teams like the old teams have names [TS]

  that that I don't know maybe it's just [TS]

  because they're old Utah Jazz don't get [TS]

  me started on Utah Jazz Utah Jazz that's [TS]

  terrible it doesn't make a lick of sense [TS]

  what the what the hell is and what the [TS]

  hell is a like a Oklahoma City sunshine [TS]

  rainbow that's no name for a basketball [TS]

  team at the Panhandle state that that [TS]

  state does have a pan and it's one of [TS]

  the few states that she called the [TS]

  panhandlers the Oklahoma panhandlers you [TS]

  know Alaska has a panhandle to that we [TS]

  call the past she said really called me [TS]

  i want that little less a little Wang at [TS]

  the bottom right well there are two [TS]

  wings as the recent events and away [TS]

  ok is it is kind of the peninsula [TS]

  archipelago it's an archipelago the [TS]

  great when I go to a good luck just so i [TS]

  could say that sounds awesome [TS]

  now here's the thing about mr. Dallison [TS]

  I never had AP History I was inclined [TS]

  toward history [TS]

  yeah we're we're truly truly the the one [TS]

  point in disguise mention this before [TS]

  another program but the the teacher of [TS]

  the class who was a coach that was some [TS]

  it was no no this is mr. i don't know i [TS]

  think having a borrowed name [TS]

  oh ok but this guy my class this guy [TS]

  actually one day said that as part of [TS]

  this treaty the Indians would get the [TS]

  native americans we get that two-fifths [TS]

  of the land or forty percent whichever [TS]

  was more so that was a good class now my [TS]

  friends name had AP history which is [TS]

  advanced placement history that's right [TS]

  and mr. detlefsen was famous for two [TS]

  things [TS]

  well if it was just a hard class in [TS]

  general but at he has floundered 23 no [TS]

  no sorry it's just down back to Sam [TS]

  class a p.o this guy like Jabba the Hutt [TS]

  right is in the racket with his wife and [TS]

  he mr. Dennison superclass any I think [TS]

  he did to every semester 2 20 page [TS]

  papers you know i don't think i ever [TS]

  wrote one 20-page paper in high school [TS]

  that's not normal for high school get [TS]

  you ready for this your second 20-page [TS]

  paper this is i believe the day before [TS]

  like christmas break or whatever you [TS]

  know one thing also mr. Ellison demanded [TS]

  the AP History always be 4th 4th period [TS]

  right so that you could take his test [TS]

  through lunch [TS]

  yeah what a tough ass ok so you gonna [TS]

  happen but the second 20-page paper was [TS]

  I was ninety percent of your grade [TS]

  oh no no this is a giant giant party or [TS]

  great to get this December whatever 21st [TS]

  you go in there 22nd whatever you go in [TS]

  there is no schools always out by [TS]

  December 18 sorry i was already fly [TS]

  should check this day before christmas [TS]

  starts christmas break you go right [TS]

  there i tried a put your 20 page paper [TS]

  on my desk [TS]

  yes be you got your final or semi final [TS]

  though you have to take now [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna put it down in front of [TS]

  you but this is a real this is a real [TS]

  blue book you ready for this yeah [TS]

  discuss World War two [TS]

  that's the question how fucking great is [TS]

  mr. detlefsen discuss world war two [TS]

  exactly take as long as you want [TS]

  I I would have taken that test all the [TS]

  way through lunch i'm going to get [TS]

  through today you'd still be sitting [TS]

  there would be could be writing writing [TS]

  on your rear in World War two [TS]

  if you could get a degree in world war [TS]

  2i would have I would have a PhD you did [TS]

  would be no cold war without warranty [TS]

  John and I have to tell you that with [TS]

  heavens i don't even know where to start [TS]

  with that state now at the time that was [TS]

  merely one of those like I don't know [TS]

  you know the kinds of stories you hear [TS]

  those stories again like the teachers [TS]

  with the paddles with the holes in them [TS]

  this is one of those things but this was [TS]

  real sure and will be history in the AP [TS]

  History at tracks the kind of teacher [TS]

  who justifies any manner of sadism by [TS]

  saying that they are preparing you for [TS]

  college I'm preparing you for this is [TS]

  what its gonna be like in college i'm [TS]

  preparing [TS]

  so it's the first time it's the first [TS]

  time in your school career if you can [TS]

  call it that somebody actually makes [TS]

  good on that bullshit promise that [TS]

  they're not going to treat you like a [TS]

  kid next year [TS]

  ya hear that you have their fucking [TS]

  preschool only time we get the 2nd grade [TS]

  they're not gonna treat you like a kid [TS]

  anymore you're going to use sharp crayon [TS]

  use cursive you know but of course then [TS]

  it's just a bunch of bullshit about [TS]

  standing in line I can't tell anybody I [TS]

  think I think discuss roll or two is [TS]

  maybe the greatest bluebook question of [TS]

  all time [TS]

  it's wonderful and separates the men [TS]

  from the boys the wheat from the chaff [TS]

  what you what I maybe you what I would [TS]

  not have known then that I know now is [TS]

  you just have to write for something [TS]

  really fucking awesome about an aspect [TS]

  of that right you don't have to go like [TS]

  and then this happened and then because [TS]

  you're sexy like you don't have to just [TS]

  spit out everything you know you have to [TS]

  write something coach it fits in the [TS]

  book like I do that now right [TS]

  well that's that's what's true about all [TS]

  essay questions I mean they're just [TS]

  looking for you to be you can you can [TS]

  you can you can show that you have a a [TS]

  canada language yet but de menezes madam [TS]

  tuba if you can show that you you have a [TS]

  deep knowledge of it of a topic by just [TS]

  kind of skating across the top of it if [TS]

  you if you write with confidence but [TS]

  that's the problem in high school you [TS]

  can't you can't count on you can't count [TS]

  on even ten percent of the kids being [TS]

  able to write imagine imagine like for [TS]

  example I don't you know this stuff at [TS]

  me but imagine a lead that was something [TS]

  like you know whatever with 20 million [TS]

  dead and that it happened he would [TS]

  imagine if you 1500 you see I'm already [TS]

  i'm already off to think that's it and [TS]

  go back to the train car like you got a [TS]

  book and now you say who wrote a guest [TS]

  with the Cold War beginning to get the [TS]

  two sides these great allies broken [TS]

  apart who would have guessed this all [TS]

  began back in this train car this all we [TS]

  get him on a summer day in 1939 [TS]

  hehe that's not nothing was that was [TS]

  Versailles quick [TS]

  don't overthink it what the treaty of [TS]

  versailles know the place with the [TS]

  fucking mirror is John 3 verse i was [TS]

  nineteen nineteen nineteen community [TS]

  center Roosevelt Teddy Roosevelt [TS]

  president teddy roosevelt no was real [TS]

  Wilson Woodrow all of course he's on the [TS]

  money what money [TS]

  woodrow wilson on he's on a hundred [TS]

  thousand dollar bill haha up the Woodrow [TS]

  well that's why all the rappers are like [TS]

  yo give me the woodys give me the [TS]

  Wilsons hope it's all about the Wilson I [TS]

  hope I'm right about this [TS]

  yeah yep google it hundred thousand [TS]

  dollar bill Woodrow Wilson is on the [TS]

  hundred-thousand-dollar built like a [TS]

  light John they're not a lot in [TS]

  circulation [TS]

  well imagine feel how bad you would feel [TS]

  if you lost that if I lost that bet [TS]

  well no no I mean not you have already [TS]

  lost the bet but I'm saying if you happy [TS]

  dont know what it's been a good year [TS]

  I'm just gonna go get well see that [TS]

  those bills are four banks those bills [TS]

  are four banks only terrible and during [TS]

  the gold standard having a hundred [TS]

  thousand dollar bill Woodrow Wilson is [TS]

  on the hundred-thousand-dollar bill [TS]

  yeah that's pretty cool if you were to [TS]

  land on the three-dollar bill you why I [TS]

  oughta [TS]

  hey there they don't let those hundred [TS]

  thousand dollar bills out and this is [TS]

  the thing that's very front hold them up [TS]

  to the light in Europe they have 500 [TS]

  euro bills that are in that are in wide [TS]

  circulation 200 euro bills 500 euro [TS]

  bills again it's like a grand 500 euros [TS]

  know it's like six hundred dollars that [TS]

  this is Europe your ear open yeah okay [TS]

  I'm but but there but we have five [TS]

  hundred dollar bills here but you can't [TS]

  you can't they won't give them to you [TS]

  letter concerning the 20 the 10 to 20 [TS]

  because of the 80s McKinley President [TS]

  McKinley's a five-minute Bill now you [TS]

  got me thinking about this crazy about [TS]

  it [TS]

  who there's a website that i was on very [TS]

  recently that tells you how much your [TS]

  coinage is worth if you melt it down [TS]

  just for the melt weight of the metal in [TS]

  the coin [TS]

  I do not want to know that for pennies [TS]

  with me so angry [TS]

  it's pretty nuts for pennies it's costly [TS]

  doesn't cost like two cents to make a [TS]

  penny [TS]

  oh it's I think Penny's are worth more [TS]

  than to sense now [TS]

  nnw stealing copper pipes [TS]

  Jesus Christ what is wrong with this [TS]

  country John what you know what we need [TS]

  is that was still in copper pipe for a [TS]

  long time [TS]

  everybody's always trying to steal your [TS]

  comfort wipe the hard it's a copper pipe [TS]

  problem but no here that this this [TS]

  website i'm gonna do is i'm gonna plug a [TS]

  website it's called coin solution COI n [TS]

  Fla tion dot-com conflation and it will [TS]

  tell you the melt value of your coins [TS]

  yeah it's really really really really [TS]

  cool I don't say this often [TS]

  John but this is what are the resources [TS]

  at those fat cats in the government do [TS]

  not want you to know about that's [TS]

  exactly right so just like a 1964 [TS]

  quarter 1964 quarter a is worth like [TS]

  well it's so worth like four dollars [TS]

  four dollars and and thirty cents in [TS]

  just in silver weight have you find one [TS]

  of those if you find in 1963 quarter in [TS]

  your pocket jam and you think like oh [TS]

  yeah that's probably worth something [TS]

  they're still using that pre-embargo [TS]

  silver at that time pre-embargo silver [TS]

  yeah what you want to get a van or [TS]

  something like that you know before the [TS]

  you know I you know Kennedy Kennedy [TS]

  stocked up on Havana cigars before the [TS]

  embargo you know that right [TS]

  oh and Margo silver mhm that's one way [TS]

  of putting it [TS]

  whoo voice is really amazing 95% copper [TS]

  look at that now you know Nicholas a [TS]

  carcinogen you know that right well if [TS]

  you smoke it [TS]

  boom how do you do it put in my nose [TS]

  yeah I said I use them as a suppository [TS]

  I stick a roll of nickels up there you [TS]

  can find a five-set suppository [TS]

  somewhere i don't think so [TS]

  well no not now that nickels worth a [TS]

  dollar fifty is a simple this is a [TS]

  fucking upside-down society you know mr. [TS]

  dad listen I would we should get in [TS]

  touch with him and find out what he [TS]

  thinks of this discuss melted coins [TS]

  don't talk about mr. Devlin some he [TS]

  sounds like a real [TS]

  part ass he was he was huge [TS]

  I got kicked out of AP History know this [TS]

  is when your mom was to confess anything [TS]

  special school you know this was a [TS]

  scandal to kick you tell me about it [TS]

  well so [TS]

  ap history right here you're supposed to [TS]

  get college credit if you if you get a [TS]

  good grade in AP History you can i'll [TS]

  give you credit for when you college [TS]

  really take that isn't that kinda like a [TS]

  like a like a traveler's checks if I [TS]

  think if you go to Princeton they [TS]

  probably don't care about your AP [TS]

  History exam but uh but maybe you know [TS]

  what the University of Alaska Anchorage [TS]

  maybe you can skip freshman history or [TS]

  something i think at the University [TS]

  self-weight clip out the first two years [TS]

  trying to call its automatic junior but [TS]

  in my case I i was in this history class [TS]

  and and I had long long since stopped [TS]

  paying attention in school and I i was [TS]

  taking a makeup exam out in the hall and [TS]

  I had my history book in the little the [TS]

  little rack that was attached to my that [TS]

  was bolted to my wheelchair desk combo [TS]

  thing and and at a certain point in the [TS]

  test i looked down and flip through the [TS]

  pages and try to look see if I could [TS]

  figure out when the war of 1812 was or [TS]

  whatever the hell question he was asking [TS]

  and he can heat the teacher was out in [TS]

  the hall and he came around the corner [TS]

  and saw me cheating they're cheating [TS]

  scandal and he gave me an F and was and [TS]

  he actually cried real tears like you [TS]

  were one of my favorite students and [TS]

  you're cheating and just I couldn't [TS]

  believe that you would do such a thing [TS]

  it's a betrayal of the hearts awful [TS]

  education and and betrayal of of you [TS]

  you're betraying yourself and all this [TS]

  terrible stuff it was just like a real [TS]

  burden of guilt and shame for my [TS]

  cheating scandal which was me looking [TS]

  for flipping through the table of [TS]

  contents of my history book alcohol it's [TS]

  not a waste [TS]

  eating though right it was cheating is [TS]

  cheating all right it was changed is [TS]

  that your calendar and I think history [TS]

  class but in any case am at the end of [TS]

  the senior year I've told you this story [TS]

  right [TS]

  I didn't have enough credits to graduate [TS]

  because i graduated last in my class in [TS]

  high school you graduated last in your [TS]

  class I was like absolutely last in my [TS]

  class I had the idea 1.2 cumulative GPA [TS]

  through four years of high school I i [TS]

  was i was out on the light nice grouping [TS]

  on the list of graduating seniors they [TS]

  were like 25 guys 25 people who had [TS]

  higher GPA than i did that were actually [TS]

  held back and not allowed to graduate [TS]

  couple that died [TS]

  there's a horse dick they called me in [TS]

  but the principal and the guidance [TS]

  counselors and the teachers were they [TS]

  they they called me down to the office [TS]

  and they were all there and they said [TS]

  look we talked about it and we don't [TS]

  want you to come back so here you'll see [TS]

  here in AP history that you you have an [TS]

  F but we're going to award you the [TS]

  credits and we're giving you some credit [TS]

  for your extracurricular activities [TS]

  kompong you know you don't anti social [TS]

  promotion that you'll see over here in [TS]

  column B that's saying and so [TS]

  congratulations good luck Godspeed to [TS]

  you got a diploma [TS]

  oh yeah and and and the thing was that [TS]

  the student the student body knew that I [TS]

  didn't have enough credits to graduate [TS]

  though the word leaked out in the month [TS]

  up coming up to graduation and so it was [TS]

  already a scandal it was you know buzz [TS]

  buzz buzz you know Rogers not going to [TS]

  graduate buzz and so right up until the [TS]

  day of graduation it was it was still [TS]

  that mean like it was still a a matter [TS]

  of contention some people are saying no [TS]

  of course he's going to graduate some [TS]

  people were there people are betting [TS]

  cases of beer back and forth [TS]

  and then and then I i walked at the [TS]

  ceremony and when they called my name it [TS]

  was like it was he heard in the hole [TS]

  because it's the graduations in the big [TS]

  auditorium you know you heard them like [TS]

  75 raspberries across the room like [TS]

  think they're like John Roderick just [TS]

  people all through the hall making [TS]

  raspberries and Leslie faculty parking [TS]

  their little air horns it was a it was [TS]

  it was kind of rude actually but that's [TS]

  how it played out and there's so much [TS]

  wrong with that on every level [TS]

  I just that is really sick yeah did they [TS]

  let you do that and that's the way [TS]

  that's the way that's how it goes [TS]

  is it stopped yeah exactly i'm gonna see [TS]

  being a real nuisance I've heard about [TS]

  some of your customer service problems [TS]

  in the past but even the faculty John [TS]

  and it wasn't like they said oh you're a [TS]

  good kid they give you a little Chuck on [TS]

  the shoulder and say good luck at [TS]

  Gonzaga or whatever like this is this is [TS]

  going to be that that'sthat's really [TS]

  that'sthat's a holocaust John they [TS]

  should never let you graduate that's [TS]

  ridiculous [TS]

  ya know there was there was nothing [TS]

  about it there was like oh you you nut [TS]

  it was very much like don't come back [TS]

  I I mean I completely understand and I [TS]

  think I mean I see my position was I [TS]

  wasn't that bad but I i see the other [TS]

  thing was at our graduation everybody [TS]

  went to graduation now how fucked up is [TS]

  this this is this is very lucky in a [TS]

  closet kind of thing you go to [TS]

  graduation you sit there they call your [TS]

  name you gotta go like even if you [TS]

  failed out you still have to walk know [TS]

  all that's cruel and if you didn't [TS]

  because you know that would strip the [TS]

  seating right so you can be brutal they [TS]

  hand you a case with a blank case [TS]

  there's no deployment and it looks like [TS]

  you got to play over there is no [TS]

  deployment no way but but you're but [TS]

  people know all your friends know maybe [TS]

  I did not know until I looked inside [TS]

  whether i would have a diploma [TS]

  wow I was I was right out i was right on [TS]

  the edge for all I know is a clerical [TS]

  error but like I said I felt two classes [TS]

  was a senior i was i should have [TS]

  graduated but it not somehow it happened [TS]

  i think i was taking like geometry and [TS]

  12th grade you know I it's a bit sad [TS]

  that's a busted-ass system you know I [TS]

  mr. debt listen now that that's a guy [TS]

  who could really turn things around you [TS]

  know San mm no I don't because I don't [TS]

  be honest detlefsen could turn around [TS]

  see what I i don't know i mean i don't [TS]

  have systems broken but ok so i'm not a [TS]

  conversation with a girl today on the [TS]

  phone [TS]

  wow they marked my calendar a business [TS]

  conversation in a business capacity NPR [TS]

  right and this girl got the Irish epr no [TS]

  no she's in you know she's some in some [TS]

  music business capacity let's just say I [TS]

  and halfway through the cover you know [TS]

  she works at an office where I have I [TS]

  have business dealings they're in town [TS]

  not in Seattle [TS]

  okay and I said that to a halfway [TS]

  through the conversation was like hey so [TS]

  have we met before and she said my don't [TS]

  know and I was like oh oh did I ruin [TS]

  your life [TS]

  that's weird um are you sure you don't [TS]

  know I would think that you working in [TS]

  an office that deals with musicians [TS]

  would know if you had met me but ok [TS]

  that's fine and so we talked a little [TS]

  bit more we got to the end the [TS]

  conversation I said well thank you very [TS]

  much for your help and she said yeah and [TS]

  then there was a long pause and I said [TS]

  okay then bye [TS]

  and she was like oh my and it felt like [TS]

  I was I felt like I [TS]

  was in I like I was in Teletubbies land [TS]

  and I'm a and this is a we're talking [TS]

  about real money this girl and I what [TS]

  we're having [TS]

  grabbing the this is like high-powered [TS]

  business convo it isn't about agreeing [TS]

  to do things about agreeing to do think [TS]

  that's serious stuff [TS]

  yeah I was giving her verbal [TS]

  authorization for 24 to make some money [TS]

  that's a strange way for someone on that [TS]

  call to talk yeah and she's talking to [TS]

  me like that to Teletubbies thing and [TS]

  you could tell from her voice that she [TS]

  was in her tool in her twenties but [TS]

  potentially in her early twenties and I [TS]

  imagine maybe that she was wearing some [TS]

  some skin tight jeans and maybe some big [TS]

  white sunglasses but even and end up [TS]

  like a Palestinian scarf but even so her [TS]

  phone her phone etiquette was so [TS]

  off-the-charts in the wrong direction [TS]

  bad but it made me think that the that [TS]

  it was ultimately the fault of the [TS]

  American schools who but more than that [TS]

  like further evidence of this thing that [TS]

  we're always talking about this that the [TS]

  end times that as represented by like [TS]

  like the the sweeping waves of fake [TS]

  autism that we call me call youth [TS]

  culture now [TS]

  yeah you get a resolution to this no I [TS]

  huh [TS]

  I wasn't even sure that we had hung up i [TS]

  SAT and stared at my phone for like 30 [TS]

  seconds I was like is that we are we [TS]

  done [TS]

  I've had a lot of conversations with [TS]

  people that go like that in the last [TS]

  five years and even excluding the fact [TS]

  that i don't like talking on the phone [TS]

  and I talk too fast [TS]

  I i I've often say this to people i will [TS]

  actually sometimes say that people are [TS]

  you checking your email right now [TS]

  oh because I can I mean I know I talk a [TS]

  lot it can hear that he not be taught be [TS]

  listening em up [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  uh i ah yeah um oh my ok I think I think [TS]

  that's awesome crazy know that right [TS]

  there ok so you like that huh did you [TS]

  hit with a sock full of pennies like [TS]

  what's going on little was that for a [TS]

  long time I carried on all phone [TS]

  conversations while playing a computer [TS]

  silent you see how much he says it keeps [TS]

  you in the right zone for a phone call [TS]

  yeah yeah but then I realized that no [TS]

  that's false i was too much of me was [TS]

  being used up I was not actually I was [TS]

  not actually in the phone conversation [TS]

  as much as I needed to be [TS]

  I cannot do it John i might as well be [TS]

  like driving on a highway and trying to [TS]

  chopped green peppers [TS]

  I cannot do it's so obvious and i'll [TS]

  actually stop and say things like and I [TS]

  should not try to do two things at once [TS]

  yeah I mean you know I I you know John I [TS]

  got on with you i think it could be the [TS]

  schools i think it every step of the way [TS]

  this is messed up i think you are both [TS]

  examples of white people who got to [TS]

  graduate from high school that should [TS]

  know i think that's ridiculous [TS]

  yeah i mean all of my teachers were [TS]

  really almost all really stupid some [TS]

  more awesome my drama teacher my drama [TS]

  teacher was amazing she was great [TS]

  on the one hand we did we clearly did [TS]

  not do what was asked of us who and so [TS]

  in that sense should not have been [TS]

  allowed to graduate from high school [TS]

  because we did not perform the tasks but [TS]

  on the other hand i personally I feel [TS]

  like I never should have even gone in [TS]

  the front doors of high school thing is [TS]

  to say they used to say that you know [TS]

  what separates us from the Soviets and [TS]

  say you know the Soviets they go in and [TS]

  buy whatever some great doesn't matter [TS]

  i'm sure they're making it up anyway [TS]

  they go in and they pluck you out of [TS]

  there and give you a test and not [TS]

  everybody gets this nice education [TS]

  you're getting when they're 14 you would [TS]

  be like learning how to work a lathe at [TS]

  this Brides and I don't know if that's [TS]

  true or not but i kinda wish i had that [TS]

  I don't need to shoot a dog into space [TS]

  without any contingency plan for the [TS]

  dogs ever coming back this is why we [TS]

  lost the Cold War was our fear shooting [TS]

  dogs then we lose the cool [TS]

  I you know you're the expert ya know why [TS]

  I'm talking with you i wish the Soviet [TS]

  system in a slightly more improved way I [TS]

  had been there to benefit me I think [TS]

  they should have looked for people who [TS]

  are riding ASEAN their folder you know [TS]

  and we're talking how to work out a [TS]

  lathe and we're a little heavy [TS]

  I think you're saying are you saying [TS]

  that you'd be happier right now like [TS]

  working a metal press somewhere I don't [TS]

  know what kind of work does he do [TS]

  here's the thing here's one of the got a [TS]

  lot of people don't like there's to hit [TS]

  about America [TS]

  okee do you know why they give people [TS]

  the s80 you know this [TS]

  SATs are according to keep the black man [TS]

  down right right i mean so hard for now [TS]

  and just go to absolute know the reason [TS]

  that they do it as i understand it is [TS]

  that of all of the like like I don't [TS]

  know like fucking chicken bones they [TS]

  come up with to the sky decide how you [TS]

  will be quote unquote successful in [TS]

  college and let's be honest it's not [TS]

  like you get out of secondary school and [TS]

  suddenly everybody's really smart like [TS]

  it's a whole big broken system and but [TS]

  supposedly SATs are the single best [TS]

  indicator of success in college I don't [TS]

  know if that is true that's what i was [TS]

  told at the time and that's what you [TS]

  have to take the s80 because they can [TS]

  look at stuff like your essay or they [TS]

  can stuff your grades in your community [TS]

  blonde again this is 25 years ago so i [TS]

  don't have to still the case but that [TS]

  was that was the thing but success in [TS]

  college is no indication of success in [TS]

  life [TS]

  yeah but if you don't go to college your [TS]

  life is going to be a lot harder so if [TS]

  you don't do that s80 well did you [TS]

  graduate from college [TS]

  yeah yeah you got a college diploma uh [TS]

  yeah how come it's not hanging [TS]

  prominently on the wall of your living [TS]

  room I was ready right here by my [TS]

  divinity degree and I yea well you have [TS]

  a degree in divinity [TS]

  well you know I actually hate that I was [TS]

  all made up I i do you have a diploma i [TS]

  am a mail-order Minister like everyone I [TS]

  know that sir but I have a friend who [TS]

  lives near the Universal Life Church [TS]

  there's an actual building [TS]

  yeah the guys pickup truck is full of [TS]

  pamphlets apparently anyhow just go down [TS]

  there i'm a universal life barely keeps [TS]

  a lot of money around the house stuff [TS]

  why I up [TS]

  well you know I never graduated from [TS]

  college hang on i thought i thought you [TS]

  had a master's degree i'm a college [TS]

  dropout huh yeah [TS]

  so you got you got you got socially yeah [TS]

  you gotta antisocial yun socially [TS]

  promoted out of high school and you [TS]

  didn't graduate from to colleges [TS]

  yeah right are you did not do a thesis i [TS]

  have more than enough credits to [TS]

  graduate probably easily i don't want [TS]

  your stupid diploma fuck you you know I [TS]

  just have never it's much more like yeah [TS]

  I haven't filled out the paperwork to [TS]

  graduate in London after looking to ask [TS]

  you anything about this John it just [TS]

  makes me feel like I still gotta hand in [TS]

  the game you're saying you didn't fill [TS]

  out a form and therefore after your [TS]

  family paid all that money for you to go [TS]

  to college you are not college graduate [TS]

  because you didn't go to the registrar [TS]

  one day [TS]

  well I'm is more complicated it's a [TS]

  little more complicated there's several [TS]

  days I didn't but the registrar but but [TS]

  never got much of that administrative [TS]

  bullshit there was that in college there [TS]

  was so much at least my school was so [TS]

  poor state school there was a lot but i [TS]

  had i had i lucked out and really lucked [TS]

  out they ask you to leave [TS]

  what are you gonna ask me to leave but [TS]

  my first day at the University of [TS]

  Washington to Gonzaga was on a quarter [TS]

  system [TS]

  I'm sorry comes and goes on a semester [TS]

  system and the u-dub was on a quarter [TS]

  system [TS]

  okay right so the credits don't don't [TS]

  all transfer it or if they don't they [TS]

  don't transfer straight across [TS]

  uh-huh and so that's just a tat a good [TS]

  slashed weird school that's not unusual [TS]

  at all my school would hardly give you [TS]

  any credit for anything because they're [TS]

  not even that we don't have that class [TS]

  here just work better than all those [TS]

  other really end up nowhere within this [TS]

  they were just like oh you gotta who [TS]

  from a what [TS]

  well maybe we'll give you a quarters [TS]

  worth of credit for that semester [TS]

  classes he knows again intellectual [TS]

  pawnshop [TS]

  absolutely so I show up at the guidance [TS]

  counselor's you know the big guidance [TS]

  counselor office where there's wait it's [TS]

  a waiting here it's like a it's like a [TS]

  bus station waiting area there's 60 kids [TS]

  waiting all who've taken a number and [TS]

  erotic their doors on either side [TS]

  they're probably 15 or 20 different [TS]

  guidance counselors and it's just like [TS]

  your number gets called [TS]

  and you go in the door of the next [TS]

  available guidance counselor who will in [TS]

  the next half-hour decide decide your [TS]

  fate in college and also your this is [TS]

  going to be your guidance counselor for [TS]

  the rest of your time here like this is [TS]

  a person you're going to see over and [TS]

  over again and i'm sitting in the lobby [TS]

  and I'm just like a god I'd it i hate I [TS]

  hate everything about this and and [TS]

  because of that whole business with [TS]

  Gonzaga where they were like what we [TS]

  won't include your permanent record with [TS]

  you you know if you go now we won't we [TS]

  won't send all the disciplinary files [TS]

  along with you I had no proof that they [TS]

  had not done the witness protection so [TS]

  I'm sitting in the lobby you know kind [TS]

  of like bouncing my feet back and forth [TS]

  just kind of like okay i hope this goes [TS]

  well and I get called into the office of [TS]

  this time cancer who is a a woman she's [TS]

  about four foot eleven she has a Dorothy [TS]

  Hamill haircut she probably weighs 96 [TS]

  pounds and NPR Toback and she has an NPR [TS]

  tote bag and she's this darling little [TS]

  pixie of a lady who uh who was an [TS]

  attorney for many years and then [TS]

  transitioned into this role of the [TS]

  University of Washington guidance [TS]

  counseling I'm not sure why I never did [TS]

  figure out why and she brought me in and [TS]

  SAT me down in the chair and we started [TS]

  talking [TS]

  the conversation got very flirtatious [TS]

  and she came around the desk and sat [TS]

  down in the chair next to me and said [TS]

  let's see what we can do and she went [TS]

  through my gun sagar credits and she was [TS]

  like oh well we don't have this but we [TS]

  don't have this class here but here's [TS]

  what I'm going to do we'll just call it [TS]

  the next highest level class and we'll [TS]

  just say that you have credit for all of [TS]

  it [TS]

  and she took my two years at Gonzaga and [TS]

  she translated that into me being [TS]

  halfway through my junior year what with [TS]

  a major in Russian lit and a minor in [TS]

  art to double minor in like ancient [TS]

  greek and philosophy is going to check [TS]

  that and I was just like tell me more [TS]

  and then she asked me out on a date come [TS]

  on [TS]

  yeah this sounds like a pass forum it [TS]

  was incredible and we went out for like [TS]

  several months while you were [TS]

  matriculating I was 22 [TS]

  she was 38 and she was she held my [TS]

  future in the palm of her hand literally [TS]

  and literally that wasn't all she held [TS]

  in the parliament who and she she would [TS]

  use that sometimes to get me to do [TS]

  things in the romance exhaling sexy pic [TS]

  this to she would remind me of the power [TS]

  that she had not over his future [TS]

  it was a total may September reverse [TS]

  sexual the the reverse of what you [TS]

  normally think of as the sexual dynamics [TS]

  power dynamics is she really had me not [TS]

  exactly under her thumb but if I step [TS]

  that allowed chi she applied sort of [TS]

  pressure and she was a tiny little pixie [TS]

  of a gal and but had no compunction [TS]

  about like giving me the giving me the [TS]

  business [TS]

  bring me the riot act what'd she say it [TS]

  overtly or was like wow you know [TS]

  three-ring binders can have papers fall [TS]

  out like well yeah exactly that type of [TS]

  thing and one time called my mom she [TS]

  couldn't get ahold of me [TS]

  oh that is so creepy called my mom was [TS]

  like this is John's guidance counselor [TS]

  I'm concerned about his well-being [TS]

  do you know his whereabouts that's [TS]

  insane [TS]

  my mom you know god bless her just smell [TS]

  the fish richest melt smelled something [TS]

  fishy right away she was like what [TS]

  whoo-hoo [TS]

  this why are you calling me here and [TS]

  really gave her like kind of scared her [TS]

  in the opposite direction like this is [TS]

  highly inappropriate that type of thing [TS]

  and she never did that again but uh but [TS]

  yeah eventually the relationship ended [TS]

  kind of disastrously but not before not [TS]

  before all those papers have been filed [TS]

  let's just say I waited until all the [TS]

  paperwork has been filed and was stamped [TS]

  and sent off to the to the great [TS]

  warehouse in the sky but uh but you know [TS]

  it was a fairly was an eye-opening [TS]

  relationship for me as it as a young man [TS]

  because you know you're not you don't [TS]

  usually get into those kinds of scrapes [TS]

  you think you're the only one [TS]

  well I certainly was her her cause she [TS]

  mad she might have people behind other [TS]

  doors that year [TS]

  well she devoted a lot of time to me i [TS]

  did there wouldn't have been a lot of [TS]

  extra time for free time for her to have [TS]

  other undergraduates but um you think [TS]

  she did a lot of mentoring over the [TS]

  years she she certainly she certainly [TS]

  mentored me and a you know Marilyn I [TS]

  have to say as a young man I had a [TS]

  tremendous charisma which he gave with [TS]

  that unlike now now I think you would do [TS]

  it can you categorize me as a as a [TS]

  grotesquerie but at the time i was [TS]

  sitting in an unflattering office [TS]

  lighting you can really pull it off at [TS]

  the time I you know I used to wear [TS]

  sweaters a jauntily draped across my [TS]

  shoulders who huh [TS]

  I you know I was one of those guys that [TS]

  were Levi's that had been dyed a [TS]

  different color so they were just [TS]

  regular Levi's they were had a purple [TS]

  tint to yourself you're selling past the [TS]

  clothes I don't know how she could that [TS]

  I had a lot going on but anyway that's [TS]

  another example that John I mean what a [TS]

  fucking travesty that's ridiculous [TS]

  it's it was it was another in a long [TS]

  line of incidents or another in a long [TS]

  line of of a of happenings where I [TS]

  walked away saying well the next guy the [TS]

  next guy in her office is probably going [TS]

  to get [TS]

  he's probably going to get his bed [TS]

  short-sheeted because she just gave away [TS]

  the farm to me and you know the next kid [TS]

  that comes in is like I've got these [TS]

  transfer credits from wazoo and she's [TS]

  just like nope sorry [TS]

  start over so I I have to imagine that [TS]

  it's just it's not precisely like a [TS]

  sales kind of position but what credits [TS]

  they take it certainly going to affect [TS]

  the school's bottom line on some level [TS]

  I'm going to make this mercantil but if [TS]

  you take a ton of credit for stuff [TS]

  you're not only other undercutting your [TS]

  selling short me in a almost the true [TS]

  sense of the word you're selling short [TS]

  your own academic credentials but you're [TS]

  also harming revenue like she basically [TS]

  you should have gotten shit you should [TS]

  wait for two more years of school like a [TS]

  man right that's great that's ridiculous [TS]

  yeah that ought yeah it's super [TS]

  frustrating [TS]

  well especially especially since i [TS]

  didn't i ended up still didn't graduate [TS]

  yeah you don't you should do you should [TS]

  you should look her up on facebook and [TS]

  maybe maybe she can move a couple things [TS]

  around while which you know probably [TS]

  purple i do should be 55 or so [TS]

  well let's see i was 22 then and I'm 42 [TS]

  now so she would be 58 that's a nice [TS]

  that's a nice time to hear the phone [TS]

  ring when you're 58 sure remember me [TS]

  died Levi's hey remember me [TS]

  mhm i don't know i think we would I [TS]

  think that if I think about the way we [TS]

  left it I think we would pick right back [TS]

  up where we stand outside our window [TS]

  with a boombox up i'm sure she kept her [TS]

  figure [TS]

  yeah too bad you couldn't the the [TS]

  amazing thing is that those people wield [TS]

  so much power the registrar and I mean [TS]

  the capital R registar school the person [TS]

  who headed up that whole administrative [TS]

  department looks like the girls at the [TS]

  DMV that you know the song alcohol gets [TS]

  the other gals the gals of the DMV is [TS]

  actually the last time i went to the DMV [TS]

  yeah every single person I dealt with [TS]

  was a guy you sure absolutely positive [TS]

  food and make them do all the work [TS]

  there was there was there was a whole [TS]

  string of guys but then i was getting at [TS]

  that top-secret driver's license so what [TS]

  you're getting at [TS]

  no wait a minute was there more [TS]

  favoritism for you here I got a [TS]

  top-secret driver's license I didn't [TS]

  tell you about this driver's license and [TS]

  I got let's follow up on I'm gonna hear [TS]

  but tell me about that they got driver's [TS]

  license is now in washington state that [TS]

  function as like set as a like junior [TS]

  varsity passports so you can cross over [TS]

  land any over land border into America [TS]

  from Canada or Mexico plus any arrival [TS]

  in America from a ship if you're on [TS]

  board a ship this sounds so made up [TS]

  no no Andy state government is allowed [TS]

  to give you federal clearance [TS]

  yeah you can use this driver's license [TS]

  now the game is not that is not real if [TS]

  you arrive if you arrive either by land [TS]

  or by sea it sounds like something you'd [TS]

  buy on like a sheet of like like scored [TS]

  Avery sheets like a cheap business cards [TS]

  come up but just that sounds ridiculous [TS]

  it's a real thing and it's good that my [TS]

  the driver's license is embedded with [TS]

  all those biometric information and [TS]

  let's not forget setting but that's what [TS]

  he said and they make me carry it in a [TS]

  in a tin foil chief so that people can't [TS]

  scan it when I walked through public [TS]

  places [TS]

  also it's got a Darth Vader like this [TS]

  letter heart-rending are fit on it and [TS]

  they're like no you gotta carry in this [TS]

  to file tin foil wallet small wallet now [TS]

  catch I really sincerely hope this is [TS]

  true and washington state is I think the [TS]

  first state or the only state that has [TS]

  the special advanced driver's license [TS]

  and it was a real watershed moment for [TS]

  me as a citizen because for many years I [TS]

  didn't have any government ID at all and [TS]

  I i issued citizenship know you're born [TS]

  in the United States and then because I [TS]

  because I did not want to be complicit [TS]

  in all the and all the master nations of [TS]

  citizenship I don't shoot frustrating it [TS]

  makes what makes you frustrating is is [TS]

  not only that you get off easy on this [TS]

  stuff but you do it by a fucking [TS]

  avoiding paperwork like everybody hates [TS]

  paperwork but somehow you've managed to [TS]

  come up cobble together this little [TS]

  broken lifestyle of yours [TS]

  based on talking to ladies on the phone [TS]

  and getting favors from people with [TS]

  pixie cuts i have no idea this is [TS]

  everything you're describing is [TS]

  completely inscrutable you get a special [TS]

  license in attend sheath fucking [TS]

  Washington really like before you sing [TS]

  before Virginia gets that [TS]

  yeah you tell me Washington gets that [TS]

  yeah there's any state if there's any [TS]

  state just two states that you get that [TS]

  Maryland and Virginia that would make [TS]

  sense because I know what's that [TS]

  senators yeah we don't we don't let them [TS]

  have them but Washington is way ahead is [TS]

  because the number of crossings in [TS]

  canada and the boat stuff we have a lot [TS]

  of crossing so we have a lot of boats at [TS]

  crossings but also we're just were more [TS]

  forward thinkers here so I went and I [TS]

  got this thing but they make you they [TS]

  make you go through all this extra extra [TS]

  blue because it's a because it's this [TS]

  official document because you have [TS]

  screen screening and stuff they screen [TS]

  you yeah yeah that yeah yeah yeah just [TS]

  doesn't make any sense because i kept so [TS]

  I kept everything because I didn't have [TS]

  an ID for so many years I used to get I [TS]

  just get picked up by the cops and they [TS]

  would they'd find out i had no idea and [TS]

  half the time they just chase me just [TS]

  let me loose but in any case in any case [TS]

  so I'm something I'm gonna find out how [TS]

  much this is true it's gonna be so sad [TS]

  I've been this line and they're scanning [TS]

  my eyes and they're taking these [TS]

  three-dimensional photos and they're [TS]

  saying like all now we're going to be [TS]

  able to the machines in airports are [TS]

  gonna be able to identify you by your [TS]

  you know by your biometric ality and I [TS]

  was standing there thinking like kind of [TS]

  going through all this stuff that I used [TS]

  to think was all big brother [TS]

  One World new world order you know like [TS]

  alien Overlord george bush / nice [TS]

  chillin the Trilateral Commission [TS]

  internationalist kind of stuff stuff [TS]

  that you only believe if you're smoking [TS]

  a lot of pot for not sleeping and the [TS]

  orb oh and I and here i am voluntarily [TS]

  submitted to all this new world order [TS]

  type of the type of extra [TS]

  extra data gathering and I just didn't [TS]

  mind it at all I just shrugged it off [TS]

  and I said that's right i'm not some i'm [TS]

  not some you know the retreat in taxi [TS]

  driver i'm a i'm a superspy i'm not a [TS]

  super spot but there's just so much [TS]

  wrong with that [TS]

  I you know and I so so maybe the [TS]

  administrative first thing about [TS]

  everything we're describing it all [TS]

  involves some kind of intervention or [TS]

  ignorance or other stuff mostly [TS]

  intervention in ignorance on behalf of [TS]

  someone who's basically a bureaucrat [TS]

  think about all those things where you [TS]

  have no business being cleared for [TS]

  anything that doesn't make a lick of [TS]

  sense [TS]

  I don't know how you got a loan that [TS]

  doesn't make any sense I just an evening [TS]

  of sitting around with you would tell [TS]

  somebody that you are not qualified to [TS]

  to have the keys to anything that's the [TS]

  terrible i dunno my credit scores it's [TS]

  like 840 is that good I think so [TS]

  ok but it's weird I mean it's so we have [TS]

  the registrar school there's a librarian [TS]

  the librarian was also the person a new [TS]

  college was the person who also [TS]

  inspected your physical thesis to decide [TS]

  whether is it affected your physical [TS]

  thesis [TS]

  yes speculum worse worse because you had [TS]

  to turn into copies of your thesis right [TS]

  it could be there is the version that [TS]

  had been cleared by your committee and [TS]

  your sponsor after baccalaureate but [TS]

  you're done right good to go and make [TS]

  two copies of itself via Jenkins is out [TS]

  the injections remember her name [TS]

  oh I'll never fucking forget her name I [TS]

  never forget the name of any [TS]

  administrator who crosses me that all [TS]

  right here a few drunken of the Jenkins [TS]

  bigley and and so-and-so since she would [TS]

  inspect it every single graduate that [TS]

  wasn't me there's like I think slick [TS]

  some like 60 people in my graduating [TS]

  class hundred people and different you [TS]

  mean she would sit there with a ruler to [TS]

  measure the margins because one of those [TS]

  copies was bound and and put in you know [TS]

  they keep a thesis on file looks like [TS]

  but I want to try to get at is the [TS]

  administrator bureaucrat that worked for [TS]

  the parent University of my 500-person [TS]

  school was in a position to decide who [TS]

  was going to graduate from the Florida [TS]

  honors college based on her little [TS]

  drugstore [TS]

  ruler so if you didn't do anything wrong [TS]

  do anything wrong if you were like an [TS]

  eighth of an inch or 16th of an inch [TS]

  over on this one-page letter printed a [TS]

  little bit that you get out of the [TS]

  drawer over and start over and start [TS]

  over [TS]

  now luckily now and I was just coming up [TS]

  in the age of the computer so this was [TS]

  most of us were I mean I brought my mac [TS]

  everybody did but I mean the five hours [TS]

  before was all typewritten on a selected [TS]

  well you know dr. Bates she said that if [TS]

  you had more than actually know the [TS]

  thesis guidelines were if you had more [TS]

  than three erasers or corrections on a [TS]

  page you had to retype it and so take [TS]

  the bait if you took databases class [TS]

  like three years before i had arrived [TS]

  there you would have she would make you [TS]

  redo the whole paper if she made a [TS]

  correction on it you have to turn it [TS]

  back in this is so in like the early [TS]

  eighties people had to retype 20 page [TS]

  papers [TS]

  rawr seriously that's about 25 page that [TS]

  runs into serious dough but it's just [TS]

  like he's all trying to say is this john [TS]

  whether it is your testicle this man at [TS]

  the DMV whether it is the idiot is scan [TS]

  your eyes and gave you the clear pass [TS]

  you know whether it is [TS]

  yeah the this whole like family so [TS]

  broken people who let you leave the [TS]

  building at all in high school and in [TS]

  these people who are who are letting you [TS]

  throw in the script these are all [TS]

  bureaucrats and administrators the [TS]

  person decides to pull out a line the [TS]

  TSA person bureaucrats bureaucrats all [TS]

  bureaucrats isn't it insane how much you [TS]

  got brakes [TS]

  well I still want a bureaucrat decided [TS]

  or however you could be thwarted you can [TS]

  be thwarted at any time by a bureaucrat [TS]

  interrupting your anti bureaucratic [TS]

  rains I hurt your anti bureaucratic and [TS]

  get some water if you if you ever travel [TS]

  to any of the former Eastern Bloc [TS]

  countries but particularly the ones in [TS]

  the sort of belarus ukraine bulgaria [TS]

  romania orbit you and and let's be [TS]

  honest idea when you will very very [TS]

  quickly and I an exempt Poland and the [TS]

  Czech Republic from typical this all [TS]

  those hope slovakia i think is in this [TS]

  category hungary not i don't have a [TS]

  single acquaintance male female or [TS]

  otherwise who like saying the name of [TS]

  Eastern Bloc countries the way that you [TS]

  do but in any case if it's a satellite [TS]

  country John's going to mention [TS]

  remaining I don't have any friends ever [TS]

  said the word romania except for you [TS]

  well remaining is a wonderful place let [TS]

  me highly recommended except for this [TS]

  one thing which is that the [TS]

  bureaucracies in those countries have [TS]

  completely broken down and when you when [TS]

  you travel to places like that and you [TS]

  see what it is like when people are [TS]

  living in a you know in a world without [TS]

  bureaucracies who you realize the [TS]

  bureaucracies are what separate us from [TS]

  the beasts that that in in these places [TS]

  where where a car either corruption is [TS]

  rampant who or where the system is [TS]

  broken down totally and it's just a sort [TS]

  of it he is years cultures go-go's [TS]

  Farrell he realized that oh my god the [TS]

  recourse to the law that bureaucracies [TS]

  allow us that we can avail ourselves of [TS]

  these multiple layers of even if you [TS]

  have to fill out a thousand forms just [TS]

  the fact that you'd that the form is [TS]

  there and that at a certain point you [TS]

  have some hope that someone will read [TS]

  the forum and feel obligated by their [TS]

  job to take the form seriously to [TS]

  consider your problem [TS]

  it is such a gift you will have to bribe [TS]

  bribe your alderman to go and find out [TS]

  which person probably lost it right or [TS]

  you don't have to bribe the you don't [TS]

  have to bribe the people to pick up your [TS]

  garbage you don't you mean there are [TS]

  places in the Eastern Bloc is full of [TS]

  this where you're walking down the [TS]

  street and you like everywhere isn't [TS]

  true in like a in the Central America [TS]

  and Mexico anything like some places it [TS]

  varies it varies but it's particularly [TS]

  it's particularly noticeable in these [TS]

  places because there used to be such a [TS]

  tremendous bureaucracy people relied on [TS]

  the bureaucracy for everything and then [TS]

  the bureaucracy went away and people [TS]

  don't have the self reliance or they [TS]

  don't have the they're not they don't [TS]

  have been they did there isn't a sense [TS]

  of like well if I sweep in front of my [TS]

  store and the guy next to me sweeps in [TS]

  front of his store then we have at least [TS]

  a clean sidewalk for the for the front [TS]

  of these two stores and that'll help [TS]

  business people will come our customers [TS]

  will come in the sidewalks will be swept [TS]

  you know the in these places where that [TS]

  mentality that the word bureaucracies [TS]

  took care of all of that for four [TS]

  decades and then went away [TS]

  there's just a sense of like the the [TS]

  future sense of futility pervades the [TS]

  whole culture so it's you get these [TS]

  people they're like well why should I [TS]

  sweep in front of my store [TS]

  what good will it do like when you start [TS]

  sweeping in front of your store maybe [TS]

  the guy next to you will sweep in front [TS]

  of his door and they they look at you [TS]

  like you're crazy and go well no if I [TS]

  sweep in front of my store that i'm a [TS]

  sucker now the guy next to me is just [TS]

  going to sweep his garbage over here you [TS]

  see you see missing manhole covers [TS]

  throughout that area and you know it in [TS]

  Central America or whatever you know a [TS]

  lot of a lot of the rural areas you know [TS]

  they don't have that they aren't built [TS]

  to the same sort of urban standard that [TS]

  you'll find in Kiev but we walk down the [TS]

  street and all the manhole covers are [TS]

  missing you like what happened this is [TS]

  incredibly dangerous like you can fall [TS]

  into one of these and and get hurt [TS]

  well yeah but the but the the the [TS]

  manhole cover itself was worth a certain [TS]

  amount of scrap metal and somebody just [TS]

  grabbed it and there wasn't anybody to [TS]

  replace it and so you just got open [TS]

  manhole covers all over the place like [TS]

  talk about really having to watch where [TS]

  you walk and it's because whoever's job [TS]

  it is up the up the line at the Ministry [TS]

  of missing manhole covers that person [TS]

  doesn't feel like there's no penalty [TS]

  when he doesn't go out and replace them [TS]

  because there's no form to fill out to [TS]

  say the manhole cover in front of my [TS]

  store is missing line and then the the [TS]

  guy it is theoretically if this exists [TS]

  if there's a bureau of manhole cover [TS]

  replacement comes out here budget comes [TS]

  out of his budget [TS]

  he's got a process the form that you [TS]

  know 332 stroke dear whatever and [TS]

  replacing Malcolm that's gonna come out [TS]

  his budget he might be selling those [TS]

  himself for the melt value absolutely so [TS]

  so uh it's not very much [TS]

  you don't spend very much time in places [TS]

  where the bureaucracy doesn't work [TS]

  to come back here and thank God for that [TS]

  stack of forms but more than the stack [TS]

  of forms thank God for the for the [TS]

  moment the many levels of administration [TS]

  that always are almost always end [TS]

  somewhere where there is accountability [TS]

  ultimately there's a person whose job [TS]

  really is at stake [TS]

  who will hold everyone else accountable [TS]

  so that the people don't just take your [TS]

  form and say that's nice and they like [TS]

  their cigar with it [TS]

  yeah now they're ultimately even if it's [TS]

  your Congressman yeah ultimately you can [TS]

  ready reach your Congressman John it's I [TS]

  mean it's yes it's that is certainly [TS]

  better i would just like to say that for [TS]

  somebody who didn't graduate from [TS]

  college you are an extremely articulate [TS]

  apologist for for bureaucracy but [TS]

  believe ticket to the congressman like [TS]

  you gotta be you gotta know if you you [TS]

  gotta be like John rather he got no Ted [TS]

  Stevens well I don't you just walked in [TS]

  there and go we want a new manhole cover [TS]

  you don't want you don't waltz into a [TS]

  congressman's office absolutely not you [TS]

  say I demand satisfaction brought in [TS]

  there but know what I mean if you are a [TS]

  dedicated letter-writer you can [TS]

  accomplish a lot in the world [TS]

  what what what people like us [TS]

  what what what people like us [TS]

  don't want to go to the to the Father [TS]

  who we are often we often feel for [TS]

  dinner frustrated and people that don't [TS]

  have the education to know or to be able [TS]

  to compose a letter or toward to know [TS]

  that that is possible they also are [TS]

  kinda disadvantage but this is over [TS]

  helps to be like your sister [TS]

  old people are like your sister is great [TS]

  customer service in the sense that they [TS]

  have nothing better to do and and done [TS]

  that she's like this necessarily but [TS]

  they will grind you down and they will [TS]

  they will follow up on the phone call [TS]

  they will stay on hold they can do their [TS]

  they could do watch their stories while [TS]

  they're on hold not to talk about the [TS]

  Tea Party is this is why they have been [TS]

  so tremendously successful they don't [TS]

  represent a majority of Americans but [TS]

  they are made up entirely of people that [TS]

  are willing to write 1,000 letters to [TS]

  their congressmen and their local [TS]

  alderman these are the people that are [TS]

  willing to learn Robert's Rules of Order [TS]

  and disrupt town meetings and ultimately [TS]

  the reason that they have power is that [TS]

  in America there is a process by which [TS]

  the elected office holders are [TS]

  accountable the bureaucrats are [TS]

  accountable the system actually for all [TS]

  of its for all of its waste is [TS]

  incredibly effective relative to like [TS]

  almost anywhere else in the so glad you [TS]

  don't know my phone number because you [TS]

  would be texting me i would just say you [TS]

  know what I'm done here because you're [TS]

  wrong i'm done here [TS]

  well you're not completely wrong but [TS]

  like so many things that's the problem [TS]

  is that you're at your most wrong [TS]

  there's so many things where you can [TS]

  truly help people i know what you think [TS]

  you taught me this might mean you taught [TS]

  me this it sounds like something you [TS]

  would say well what kind of thing you [TS]

  are well that are that when you go [TS]

  somewhere you learn a lot about what [TS]

  made the city beat built yeah right [TS]

  somewhere else i think you said this and [TS]

  other mountains are the water like oh [TS]

  it's because of the railroad that's why [TS]

  this town exists or like so now I've [TS]

  learned that anytime something is near [TS]

  water there's probably a pretty good [TS]

  chance that they decided to you know put [TS]

  the steaks down there because that would [TS]

  be a good place and where they stayed [TS]

  there was that would be a good place for [TS]

  trips to come into or something like [TS]

  that right is that none of that was [TS]

  probably you right that's and that is a [TS]

  theory that are not a theory that is a [TS]

  principle that I use all the time it's [TS]

  you know once you learn that about what [TS]

  you ve you take that it is blown my [TS]

  curiosity up and I have to be honest [TS]

  with you it is totally changed [TS]

  everything they never taught me and my [TS]

  stupid high school that one paragraph [TS]

  has made asking questions about things [TS]

  so much more interesting to me and what [TS]

  i recommend to people is that it if they [TS]

  if you start with your city and you look [TS]

  at your city in the context of of the [TS]

  geography and the way the city interacts [TS]

  with the with the whatever waterway it [TS]

  is that is the main waterway where the [TS]

  railroads come in where the you know [TS]

  where the natural resources and the well [TS]

  I mean in our communication services guy [TS]

  has a million this could be where they [TS]

  built the chips like what you know what [TS]

  I mean like where is not just that where [TS]

  the ship's came in but in our case you [TS]

  know when they blew all the Japanese [TS]

  people out of what was called in [TS]

  japantown they moved in all the [TS]

  african-american folks to work in the [TS]

  shipbuilding factories they just they [TS]

  just basically took stuff out of [TS]

  people's houses and move factory workers [TS]

  in there and they had a really nice [TS]

  lucrative lifestyle for a few years and [TS]

  then it became basically get out [TS]

  it's this is how you learn about a town [TS]

  it's the fuck you at one o'clock in the [TS]

  morning if you go if you go down to [TS]

  where they take the containers off the [TS]

  ship and put them on the trucks and you [TS]

  watch the trucks head out into the night [TS]

  you and you imagine what's on those [TS]

  containers and used you start to see the [TS]

  way that's San Francisco for instance [TS]

  the role in San Francisco plays in the [TS]

  in a life of the nation you know that [TS]

  that San Francisco is really an organ [TS]

  that is pumping pumping pumping [TS]

  out into the out into the rest of the [TS]

  country over and that at that you know [TS]

  that it's really a robust system but [TS]

  also very fragile system you know any [TS]

  one of those little aspects can fall [TS]

  apart and this is why when you listen to [TS]

  truck drivers complain about fuel costs [TS]

  you know you can you can strike is very [TS]

  boring truck right Boyle buddy peak oil [TS]

  truck drivers complaining about fuel [TS]

  costs [TS]

  those guys are right at the you know [TS]

  that look up by councillor in the peak [TS]

  oil I can't even look at me upset i [TS]

  don't want to look up counselor [TS]

  counselor counselor want to look up [TS]

  counselor customizable and no one's left [TS]

  on such a little over the top but I'm [TS]

  just saying it's if we have gotten close [TS]

  to getting most of the oil out there's [TS]

  not gonna be a walmart but listen I'm if [TS]

  you don't want to talk about tea party [TS]

  i'm not going to talk about people you [TS]

  understand that everything in that [TS]

  walmart is made out of plastic that is [TS]

  because of cheap oil it was brought [TS]

  there because of trucks that are running [TS]

  cheap oil but most importantly they came [TS]

  from China on a giant asked ship that [TS]

  was running cheap oil even before that [TS]

  even before that stupid try even leave [TS]

  China out of it i mean just just for [TS]

  practice chop a tree down and turn it [TS]

  into boards have moved the boards and [TS]

  build a house your you got there is a [TS]

  half a dozen different people in between [TS]

  the yeah but you get your price for the [TS]

  wood if you know what I mean I'm saying [TS]

  that if I work with Walmart will you bet [TS]

  you will [TS]

  and if you work with Walmart you know [TS]

  you can go read lots of liberal [TS]

  magazines about this your prices have to [TS]

  go down every year when you work with [TS]

  one more [TS]

  you can't afford to be there you let you [TS]

  know this mystery has been true for [TS]

  snapper it was true for Vlasic is true [TS]

  that Levi's snapper used to be the [TS]

  premium brand of lon Moore that you [TS]

  could buy they decided not to go to [TS]

  walmart because walmart makes you create [TS]

  an entire product line just for them so [TS]

  when Levi's went into walmart they [TS]

  couldn't repurpose any of their existing [TS]

  product lines they had to create new [TS]

  product lines just for you sign up [TS]

  alas no matter walmart oh no but here's [TS]

  the thing plastic glass expected 20 [TS]

  years trying to like get you to [TS]

  understand that if you buy these premium [TS]

  pickles in the fucking refrigerator [TS]

  section it's worth paying more because [TS]

  it's really good [TS]

  you people use a very crisp it's got a [TS]

  fucking stork you now go to an end cap [TS]

  and you can get like a 5-gallon bucket [TS]

  of fucking pickles for 20 seconds [TS]

  let me tell you my experience I've only [TS]

  been in Shu loyal John cheap oil i went [TS]

  to a walmart in Florida one time [TS]

  me too it's a 24 hour walmart and that's [TS]

  three o'clock in the morning was full of [TS]

  family shopping kids [TS]

  yep a lot of lot of women with five kids [TS]

  that's when they get off work I I ran [TS]

  out of that walmart screaming but the [TS]

  second time I went to a warmonger was on [TS]

  my birthday was in like new mexico and [TS]

  I'm walking through the walking through [TS]

  the walmart I'm just taking it all in [TS]

  and there is a poster in there like I [TS]

  you know I admittedly it was in their [TS]

  kids section proposed four walls poster [TS]

  of tinkerbell the beloved disney [TS]

  character the disagreeable little minx [TS]

  tinkerbell in this poster of tinkerbell [TS]

  she's she's flying because she's a [TS]

  sprite but she's looking over her [TS]

  shoulder at you and she's got her little [TS]

  took us pointed at you and the way her [TS]

  little feathered skirt is arranged you [TS]

  can kind of it's like you're looking up [TS]

  the back of her skirt and her little [TS]

  pixie if it's very apps Kurt a little [TS]

  fairy upskirt shot God and I find that [TS]

  so hot that is so fucked up if you look [TS]

  at Tinker Bell's face you see that she's [TS]

  got a kind of you know she's blonde [TS]

  right because because why not [TS]

  but she's got a very long nose she's got [TS]

  a very she's very Judaic looking little [TS]

  pixie when you look at her closely [TS]

  she looks like a blonde friend drescher [TS]

  she's a she's a kind of jewy little [TS]

  pixie and she's got this big-ass that [TS]

  she's like pushing out if she's not [TS]

  Italian like northern Italian well I [TS]

  mean there's some wiggle room there [TS]

  northern plains but she's also got junk [TS]

  in the trunk she might she might get [TS]

  from the trunk [TS]

  I'm feeling though just get given like [TS]

  the proclivities of of the Hollywood [TS]

  animators of that era [TS]

  I'm thinking she's a Jewess I'm thinking [TS]

  she's an Ashkenazi in Europe little [TS]

  little little little flying bug and this [TS]

  post her [TS]

  is it like a dollar ninety-nine this [TS]

  fantastic piece of art and I was my [TS]

  birthday i bought it for myself and I [TS]

  carried it around on this tour I put on [TS]

  the dashboard man up and everybody in [TS]

  the band was like what's that I was like [TS]

  don't touch that don't look at I never [TS]

  told me that daddy's Judith's I never [TS]

  told my mother was I just drove around [TS]

  on the rest of the tour with this thing [TS]

  on the dashboard I got home and and i [TS]

  put it up on the wall and although all [TS]

  the women that come over to the house [TS]

  they're all are you looking at it just [TS]

  now what you're describing it but no no [TS]

  i haven't memorized haha [TS]

  [Music] [TS]