Roderick on the Line

Ep. 35: "You Give 'Em Israeli Eyes"


  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going pretty good [TS]

  earlier man you know what spend just [TS]

  going along time you're ready to come [TS]

  and give it a good ready [TS]

  sure John yeah I had to do that little [TS]

  bit they call it off my oh no that's [TS]

  good that's exactly right your learning [TS]

  your learning good Mike technique was [TS]

  gonna ask you about that do you consider [TS]

  yourself some was good mic skills [TS]

  absolutely food [TS]

  I mean you can't sing into microphones [TS]

  for 20 years without learning something [TS]

  you bring about you bring some different [TS]

  different 57 smells like a butt that's [TS]

  gonna be different than sure I'll sure [TS]

  sec I'll 5418 or whatever [TS]

  oh yeah sure see Kyle 4418 is a that's a [TS]

  terrible Mike at least Hitler made the [TS]

  microphones right on time he really did [TS]

  those are the Germans migrate microphone [TS]

  not then they put them up there but but [TS]

  as you know as you know oh my god all my [TS]

  things are sleeping at once here I said [TS]

  she sent you three different kinds of [TS]

  messages i apologize it's okay that's [TS]

  typical of you I have 700 skype [TS]

  invitations 10 ical invitations to [TS]

  skyping no see that's that's meet you [TS]

  yeah I know it yes it has your name [TS]

  right at the top of it just start over [TS]

  it should not just a little if you want [TS]

  to delete on this we can start over [TS]

  I don't want I don't want them I'm [TS]

  trying to keep my inbox at zero and you [TS]

  are adding things to my in so the [TS]

  Germans make a good Mike [TS]

  yeah via the thing about sure [TS]

  microphones that smell like the bottom [TS]

  of the ocean is that you know if that's [TS]

  how you know that you're in [TS]

  that's how you know you're in a hell of [TS]

  a club who have a real rock club when [TS]

  when you know they have never sanitize [TS]

  their microphones you can't do that i [TS]

  mean it's like flow type it seems to me [TS]

  a man a man of your status with the kind [TS]

  of money you got if you were going to [TS]

  start a club on not they would serve [TS]

  alcohol or you just gonna stare [TS]

  yea high status absolutely that's gonna [TS]

  take a big cloud which you would use [TS]

  sanitizer Mike's i personally would [TS]

  there's a club in denver called the [TS]

  lion's lair which the first time I [TS]

  right there it was promoted to me by [TS]

  everyone has like a legendary place you [TS]

  have to play the lions lair it's a [TS]

  legendary place and we arrived at the [TS]

  lion's lair and it was legendarily [TS]

  abysmal it was it was a club is a club [TS]

  that kind of like the one that you took [TS]

  us to recently in san francisco where [TS]

  the smell it like the smell of fresh [TS]

  paint mixed with bleach mixes with like [TS]

  hepatitis mr. hepatitis C hepatitis c 70 [TS]

  general kind of the window Jack kind [TS]

  really bad ooh yuck smell like Judd so [TS]

  you walk in there and you're like oh [TS]

  right i wouldn't come into this place to [TS]

  get change for a dollar but i'm playing [TS]

  here tonight drinking after the class [TS]

  its and the microphone so the guy that [TS]

  setting up a PA is like yeah we got [TS]

  three mics you decide where you want [TS]

  them you know like by way of saying [TS]

  we're not making any of your instruments [TS]

  we have three microphones be talking [TS]

  about the place he played that lions are [TS]

  we played there multiple times [TS]

  oh I'm sorry I'm sorry but that wasn't [TS]

  that was not your experience in san [TS]

  francisco that's good i don't know the [TS]

  great american music hall is one of the [TS]

  finest clubs in the world is one clarify [TS]

  ok that's the line the lion's lair in [TS]

  denver [TS]

  however is not on the list of the finest [TS]

  clubs in the world and in fact the [TS]

  microphone that they gave me this is the [TS]

  best night they had because i'm the lead [TS]

  vocalist and of course you are going to [TS]

  give the best Mike you have to the lead [TS]

  vocalist the microphone was a covered [TS]

  with rust and be actually had been [TS]

  thrown to the floor in a in a punk-rock [TS]

  rage so many times that it way it had [TS]

  sharp cutting blades on it where the [TS]

  where the mic had broken and somebody [TS]

  put it back together with a hammer or [TS]

  something this screen the screen had [TS]

  shards yeah the first time I touched it [TS]

  with my lips I was like oh that just cut [TS]

  me and I'm just I'm just doing a [TS]

  soundcheck like I need to go get a [TS]

  tetanus shot now what exactly is not [TS]

  like the Vietcong we put we put poop on [TS]

  the stick and when that when this when [TS]

  they learn that when they tracked it [TS]

  their own g sticking in the poop on the [TS]

  stick is an infection right now this is [TS]

  how the lion's lair is spreading their [TS]

  brand of punk rock around America so I [TS]

  wish I ended up playing there for five [TS]

  times over the years because [TS]

  every time someone says the lion's lair [TS]

  I go oh yeah I've had such a good time [TS]

  they're legendary club and then I would [TS]

  you consider living in your own would [TS]

  you consider bringing your own something [TS]

  some guys bring the fancy ribbon mic or [TS]

  whatever in a special box would you do [TS]

  that [TS]

  here's what happens here is what happens [TS]

  when you bring it on Mike you leave it [TS]

  at that up because it's the last thing [TS]

  you're thinking of when you leave unless [TS]

  you have your own sound man if you're [TS]

  gonna sound man he's got Mike's but if [TS]

  it like I carried around a mic like in [TS]

  the past pocket of my jacket for a tour [TS]

  like here's my mic and I left it behind [TS]

  like three different times and finally [TS]

  frankly quite frankly this is gonna [TS]

  sound terrible but I left it at the [TS]

  bowery ballroom another of the greatest [TS]

  clubs in the world and it had my name [TS]

  written on earth but when i called them [TS]

  they were like no yeah we don't know [TS]

  where it went and that was like oh come [TS]

  on really [TS]

  yeah they're not hiring out the Ivy [TS]

  League's for that kind of thing are they [TS]

  have the kind of the kind of lists [TS]

  you're not gonna get me you're not going [TS]

  to coax me on on this podcast to say one [TS]

  bad word about the glorious and honorary [TS]

  our honorable guild of sound engineers [TS]

  roadies and technicians who make the [TS]

  club's of america resonate like giant [TS]

  cellos they are there are glorious cast [TS]

  its kind of talking your proctologist [TS]

  exactly i'm never going to say a [TS]

  terrible thing about the about that army [TS]

  of men and women dressed all in black [TS]

  it's super super high with leatherman uh [TS]

  multi-tools on their belts and a beeper [TS]

  and enlarged flashlights or small [TS]

  flashlights and the tiny want you to get [TS]

  the tiny little on whether the black [TS]

  ones you get one of those giant those [TS]

  does the Maglites you get a little [TS]

  maglite and you get that holster right [TS]

  well the real pros have have tiny [TS]

  Maglites with red lenses on them so that [TS]

  they can be on stage with their maglite [TS]

  and not disrupt the the show uh-huh [TS]

  without without with a distracting white [TS]

  light that has a red light so that their [TS]

  it's like it's basically Special Forces [TS]

  stuff those guys use I you know I [TS]

  military grade III you not only to [TS]

  direct the show but I [TS]

  I have a even you've played a thousand [TS]

  times more rock shows that i have in a [TS]

  million years but even with my very [TS]

  modest amount of experience i must tell [TS]

  you playing with exactly the same setup [TS]

  at exactly the same Club god bless it it [TS]

  sounded completely different every night [TS]

  with the same sound man you know if the [TS]

  guy is the guy who ran the club guy play [TS]

  I played the two guys that I played in [TS]

  bands with on this overtime finally four [TS]

  guys but if they round the board you're [TS]

  in good shape because they kind of cared [TS]

  but then how it was real goofy would do [TS]

  it and I was always struck and we play a [TS]

  couple times out of town I was always [TS]

  blown away that it could sound so so [TS]

  very very different i understand a room [TS]

  being different [TS]

  yeah but but it seems like you know it's [TS]

  like if you ran a restaurant and your [TS]

  kind of confused about where the stove [TS]

  was yeah well here's the here's pro tip [TS]

  okay don't don't let the goofy guide to [TS]

  the sound [TS]

  what about the coldest taciturn guy [TS]

  because he just hauling gear and doing [TS]

  merger or you know Jon Coulton sound man [TS]

  John Carter is a here's the consummate [TS]

  the rock-and-roll professional here yet [TS]

  the young women period within the inn [TS]

  hotel lobby that's that's that's [TS]

  different fella [TS]

  no no he's he's John Jonathan Colton's [TS]

  Yale educated merch Lackey know there's [TS]

  no patent old-world correct craft by the [TS]

  way Jonathan Coulton is a sound man is a [TS]

  hero has work he he would he was a [TS]

  handsome guy with the dark hair [TS]

  well i'm not here to judge a man's I'm [TS]

  sorry little attractiveness to I'm sorry [TS]

  uh but but he is he was on you know he [TS]

  would sound for the opener on the [TS]

  michael jackson bad tour like he's keep [TS]

  this guy's been around when Carter is a [TS]

  is a is a sword wielder who say actually [TS]

  that's not anything anybody still still [TS]

  grey eyes [TS]

  Tom that the here is another thing about [TS]

  microphones and you know I I don't like [TS]

  to literally sickened our listeners but [TS]

  we're talking both talking two [TS]

  microphones right now so you have this [TS]

  microphone is disgusting any offices [TS]

  this this is a single-use microphone [TS]

  that has never seen anything worse than [TS]

  Mount I'll get user you buy single use [TS]

  microphone me and you do one podcast and [TS]

  throw it away [TS]

  absolutely [TS]

  thank you get another mind that Spencer [TS]

  they say officers like you don't write [TS]

  it's okay it's okay that I the toilet [TS]

  paper fast lady he just move on right [TS]

  now I mean no offense I don't work ping [TS]

  pong but the you know the the sm57 that [TS]

  it's a workhorse right the NAIA you know [TS]

  things sm57 it seems to me are [TS]

  everywhere because they're inexpensive [TS]

  wood used well you can use them for most [TS]

  like all kinds of different things if [TS]

  you lost every other mic in the world [TS]

  you can still build a house with with an [TS]

  sm57 all day and you can make a kick [TS]

  drum and you can get by with it as a [TS]

  vocal mic right you can you get eaten [TS]

  right i mean you've done good show [TS]

  singing into an sm57 right [TS]

  I don't want to do a show that we're [TS]

  where we are we are advertising for [TS]

  shure sm57 because well but I'm gonna [TS]

  I'm angling for a sponsorship I want [TS]

  that company to pony up we are singing [TS]

  the praises of the sm57 what a punk rock [TS]

  Mike it is i'm gonna take another [TS]

  direction if you don't mind [TS]

  alright please do because here's the [TS]

  thing you walk on the stage most places [TS]

  and there's this this rats this recall a [TS]

  rat king of of with XLR you see like a [TS]

  bunch of XL ours is the prowl again for [TS]

  the snake you got a bunch at long x el [TS]

  arse in coils and everybody's got a [TS]

  special way they like the coil the thing [TS]

  don't touch don't touch the coils and [TS]

  then you see this pile of sm57 on the [TS]

  floor in front of where the kick drum [TS]

  would because that's you know they want [TS]

  to get home and get back to more [TS]

  marijuana you are describing the [TS]

  experience of a of a young up-and-coming [TS]

  band in Florida we were never we never [TS]

  got up or cane we found we were down and [TS]

  not coming [TS]

  it has been a long time since I played [TS]

  in a club where I walked on the stage [TS]

  there's just a pile up like a pile of [TS]

  cigar butts a pile of sm57 stacked in [TS]

  front of the kick drum [TS]

  uh-huh it's been a long time because [TS]

  they keeping a plastic box or however [TS]

  i'm gonna perform a professional rock [TS]

  musician and when I show up to clatters [TS]

  like there's a selection of nice [TS]

  microphones that are being that are [TS]

  being mastered by the commander the [TS]

  master and commander on the stage who is [TS]

  directing his sailors and Midshipmen up [TS]

  the Riggin he's pointing the same in all [TS]

  the right direction to repair the [TS]

  prepare the stage for my show my [TS]

  registered mr. Roderick who has I'm [TS]

  going on with you however i'd like to [TS]

  talk about writers at some point you [TS]

  have a kidney writer or is that [TS]

  something that's understood i have a [TS]

  writer but here's the thing about [TS]

  writers is a lot of young bands make the [TS]

  mistake of thinking that our shit but [TS]

  anything you want on a writer put three [TS]

  thousand dollars worth of sushi on the [TS]

  writer and then I what you don't realize [TS]

  is that they're taking that money out of [TS]

  the money they would otherwise pay you [TS]

  it's reproducible well right yeah [TS]

  immediately recoupable so so I don't my [TS]

  writers fairly simple because I would [TS]

  rather have the money then have somebody [TS]

  charge me seven dollars for a great so [TS]

  when you when you rose and came just a [TS]

  little bit you probably now see I'm [TS]

  guessing you did I could see the putting [TS]

  clawfoot bathtub on there and then one [TS]

  time you know fool me once close some of [TS]

  that stuff right like if you're if you [TS]

  say for instance if you say we need a [TS]

  shower [TS]

  they're not going to charge you for that [TS]

  unless they're playin scrupulous well um [TS]

  ok but the other part of this and again [TS]

  you have to tell me if this is a real [TS]

  world experience but bringing your own [TS]

  Mike not having a sound guy could see [TS]

  that being you know whatever they might [TS]

  be not that cool with that but we bring [TS]

  on my core you have a big rider this [TS]

  does that also pick you as as trouble [TS]

  no no bring your own sound guy in your [TS]

  own gear everybody loves that except one [TS]

  time in minneapolis we played a club [TS]

  where the sound guy we had our own sound [TS]

  guy and the sound guy did the sound and [TS]

  at the end of the night the house sound [TS]

  guy came out and pitched a fit like a [TS]

  screaming fit that the that our some guy [TS]

  had not zero doubt the board which is to [TS]

  say he had not pushed all the faders [TS]

  back down to zero this is a thing that [TS]

  you can do yourself [TS]

  here's the thing that you could hire you [TS]

  can have a cat do you know if you tear [TS]

  up the masking tape everything down [TS]

  reset all the little things 20 you start [TS]

  over yun gonna hit all the buttons [TS]

  started 20 restart from 00 out read a [TS]

  lot of work and so we're standing around [TS]

  it's really not a lot of work ok act is [TS]

  it is a minuscule amount of work and if [TS]

  you are obsessive compulsive like me [TS]

  there's nothing you like better [TS]

  this is around okay just sit there like [TS]

  000 do you actually know if it's working [TS]

  just assume it's not work well I mean [TS]

  everything is everything that isn't [TS]

  sleeping his work but it's good point [TS]

  but this is a thing like we're standing [TS]

  around after the show at the audience is [TS]

  gone where [TS]

  like loading up our final guitars into [TS]

  the man and the house sound guy comes [TS]

  over looks at his board which is not [TS]

  zero doubt and he really he started [TS]

  screaming oh not zeroing out when you're [TS]

  done answering out when you're done how [TS]

  I see start screaming screaming things [TS]

  that it's like I'm a professional sound [TS]

  man i played i have done sound at [TS]

  sold-out shows sold out shows and no one [TS]

  has ever not zero doubt the board so [TS]

  that shows and you're like yeah this in [TS]

  fact tonight show was sold out and what [TS]

  are you talking about why are you [TS]

  screaming and he's like that stomping [TS]

  around like hey man so it's that it's [TS]

  fine [TS]

  0out you're bored or what was that like [TS]

  not cleaning off his dead rubber girl [TS]

  it's like would be like returning your [TS]

  sticky well in fact it is not like [TS]

  nothing there's nothing equivalent to [TS]

  how small of a deal this is it's like [TS]

  it's like somebody saying it's like [TS]

  somebody coming out of the bathroom and [TS]

  saying i told you to turn the light off [TS]

  when you left the bathroom and I went in [TS]

  there the light was on [TS]

  like I'm sorry the light was on sorry [TS]

  now I told you too late and effective I [TS]

  didn't tell you should have just known [TS]

  alright sorry [TS]

  well we'll never do it again because we [TS]

  won't come back here well yeah my [TS]

  experience was extremely different [TS]

  because let's say we were there are no [TS]

  small potatoes were fingerling potatoes [TS]

  in Iraqi consistent but the weird thing [TS]

  about living where we lived is we did [TS]

  get the entirely inappropriate [TS]

  opportunity to open for a lot of amazing [TS]

  bands because we you play for cheap and [TS]

  really as far as a friend alex wyse the [TS]

  promoters to save it so it's good [TS]

  exposure and you know whatever which [TS]

  basically means he didn't want to pay [TS]

  you because he had to be a big fish in a [TS]

  small pond or even [TS]

  officials multiple nice to be a fish no [TS]

  question i talked to a a woman who was i [TS]

  I was on a panel one time at the [TS]

  experience music project here in Seattle [TS]

  who the EMP and it was panel on groupies [TS]

  in in rock and roll and I was the only [TS]

  man on the bill are on the on the panel [TS]

  and also the only musician build another [TS]

  way bill is a fellow centric name right [TS]

  i'm sorry i was the only man on the bill [TS]

  or Janet dias ya on the days on the yeah [TS]

  at the table at the head table boy had [TS]

  yeah nice terrible i'm sorry that you're [TS]

  so deep inside the bell essentially [TS]

  right big direction your way out i was i [TS]

  was the only man on the vagina okay [TS]

  thank you spelled my and that the the [TS]

  woman who was the chair of the event was [TS]

  a feminist writer from olympia from that [TS]

  from the hippie college there [TS]

  evergreen college and she had a shed [TS]

  that she kind of stacked the panel with [TS]

  with women who were rock writers who all [TS]

  kind of shared her view that being a [TS]

  groupie was a was like a the almost the [TS]

  worst thing a woman can do and not only [TS]

  terrible for her but it also degraded [TS]

  women all across the world like 22 love [TS]

  abandoned follow band and to be like the [TS]

  girlfriend of rock musicians was a kind [TS]

  of debasement that the left a lasting [TS]

  scar on women everywhere and then on [TS]

  this panel of all these kind of very [TS]

  serious-minded young writers there was a [TS]

  woman who was now 55 years old who had [TS]

  written a book about her 25 years as a [TS]

  rock groupie and she started off her [TS]

  presentation by saying you know I was 14 [TS]

  years old and I was walking down the [TS]

  street in my hometown of San Antonio [TS]

  Texas and Pamela de barres no it's not [TS]

  Pamela march because this is this is the [TS]

  point of her story she lived in San [TS]

  Antonio and so all the big bands came [TS]

  through [TS]

  san antonio but there was no competition [TS]

  in San Antonio to be like a hot rock [TS]

  girl but you it's not like in LA where [TS]

  there's 2,500 a models kind of standing [TS]

  there trying to talk to the band in san [TS]

  antonio she had no competition she and [TS]

  her little group of friends anyway she [TS]

  her story began she's like walking down [TS]

  the street 14 years old and a and a [TS]

  white limo pulls up its 1973 and the [TS]

  door opens and it's rod stewart and he's [TS]

  like I can you climb in England and I am [TS]

  I'm from England clouds into the car [TS]

  I used to be from Scotland gaap net you [TS]

  know on the rock star [TS]

  I don't look at me here they sort of [TS]

  these drinks and she climbs into the car [TS]

  and so begins like a 15-year odyssey for [TS]

  her starting admittedly pretty young but [TS]

  she she was dated iggy pop for three [TS]

  years she traveled around the world [TS]

  she's been everywhere up and down and [TS]

  she said it was the greatest experience [TS]

  of your life and then she wouldn't give [TS]

  back a second of it and she and I became [TS]

  fast friends on this panel because we [TS]

  were surrounded by all these very [TS]

  serious bleeding you know you're strong [TS]

  lead i do i was like i'm with you chicky [TS]

  baby you are pre-qualified madam these [TS]

  other the other women up here in their [TS]

  special underwear with their their mean [TS]

  sticks are going to not gonna take the [TS]

  fun out of this for me and actually she [TS]

  said from the from the day she was like [TS]

  you're my kind of rock star if I was 20 [TS]

  years younger I was like baby you have [TS]

  to be 20 years younger [TS]

  we got a special connection right now [TS]

  you want to do it just right here on the [TS]

  table but we really it was not we did [TS]

  this this paneling off the field didn't [TS]

  feel they feel like their sides being [TS]

  taken at some point oh my god absolutely [TS]

  well the woman is what i found later was [TS]

  the we're getting questions from the [TS]

  audience and a lot of the questions from [TS]

  the audience were really political [TS]

  really like hyper overthought [TS]

  fourth-generation feminist theory being [TS]

  thrown at I don't think a lot of [TS]

  groupies are going to come to that they [TS]

  got other places to be all who knows who [TS]

  goes to these pop comfort [TS]

  this is honestly but anyway I found [TS]

  later that the woman who had chaired the [TS]

  panel who had slight hand selected me [TS]

  for this thing I mean I'm she's somebody [TS]

  I respect as a writer but she was [TS]

  calling on girls in the crowd whom she [TS]

  knew who were her students in the class [TS]

  she taught so she's calling she's [TS]

  handpicking the people that she's [TS]

  calling on to ask questions because [TS]

  people raising their hands and wanted to [TS]

  ask questions and she's picking these [TS]

  people and I was just like wow this is [TS]

  amazing this crowd is really hostile and [TS]

  they're all asking me how I feel about [TS]

  mind raping the youth of America and I'm [TS]

  like I don't I don't feel like I mind [TS]

  raping anybody you know just well maybe [TS]

  migrating a few people who come on who [TS]

  doesn't [TS]

  anyway so it was it was a little bit of [TS]

  the deck was stacked against against [TS]

  those of us who believe that that sex is [TS]

  not really that big of a deal [TS]

  stacked yeah now now wait nose and [TS]

  ping-pong i would love to close this [TS]

  thread as soon as possible [TS]

  yes I know me too was this was this was [TS]

  just the lady who misspelled feminism I [TS]

  know that was that was lost was a bust [TS]

  magazine the cover I think of a bust [TS]

  right cost ya how to use your family [TS]

  no rain but I still I still have a [TS]

  little jar feminism here in my office in [TS]

  case any feminist come in the middle of [TS]

  the night I can wait with them an easier [TS]

  management it repels there means today I [TS]

  like sticking around that says sticks [TS]

  bell with a why don't you notice i just [TS]

  used a kind of which voice from The [TS]

  Wizard of Oz to describe feminists wow [TS]

  LOL thats so ping pong I think you're [TS]

  gonna get you're gonna get a note about [TS]

  that from copyboy a lot i'm gonna be a [TS]

  lot of angry email [TS]

  yeah food because i think i think a lot [TS]

  of our listeners are feminists yes as [TS]

  you and I are I I agree but the thing [TS]

  about feminism it is it's a big tent to [TS]

  pick tennessee senator heavy there's [TS]

  really there's room in there for for all [TS]

  of us but different different viewpoints [TS]

  and different different body decisions [TS]

  actions his positions [TS]

  different positions yeah different [TS]

  costumes lot of decisions are stacked Oh [TS]

  it'sit's on let's move on from the [TS]

  museum [TS]

  do you have a deal with three by five [TS]

  card lying around that you can pick up [TS]

  and just if you like I can read you [TS]

  everything I have one three-by-five [TS]

  cards at this point if it would be [TS]

  useful i don't know i think that would [TS]

  be bad [TS]

  ok I gotta do you want just real quickly [TS]

  yeah go ahead [TS]

  no I mean that's doesn't like to hear [TS]

  from Kat lion's lair groupies we got to [TS]

  talk about cough buttons white members i [TS]

  got a big problem with white limo Spenny [TS]

  him i don't know the white limo [TS]

  okay you know what I'm gonna make a [TS]

  small star next to that would you cheat [TS]

  on Laurie Anderson and why is there [TS]

  never room for middle ground in an [TS]

  argument i also have other things we'd [TS]

  like to get back to sure but I think [TS]

  we've already moved on [TS]

  yes i would say also unto my Wayne story [TS]

  at some point that's be today we you [TS]

  know we just recently broke up and now [TS]

  it makes me sad yeah it was that guy's a [TS]

  hell of a guitar player one of the first [TS]

  people to know about it because I was on [TS]

  Twitter in the middle of the night and [TS]

  Aaron Aaron had that inscrutable to tap [TS]

  yeah and I was like hey look at that I'm [TS]

  here i am i'm right at the front of the [TS]

  bow this boat of knowing well I don't [TS]

  want to upset feminists are weaned yeah [TS]

  but if you if you were going to end a [TS]

  mostly I don't see stalled let's say [TS]

  it's slowed down a lot if you had a [TS]

  slowdown career with a very popular cult [TS]

  band would you move directly to Rod [TS]

  McKuen cover album personally know I [TS]

  personally would not but then i am not a [TS]

  fan of the we're breaking up [TS]

  now after nobody cares points what's the [TS]

  what's the point in general [TS]

  jonathan is a point I don't think REM [TS]

  should have broken up I think you just [TS]

  stopped putting out records and I mean [TS]

  what if you can't handle the occasional [TS]

  fan letter going when's your next record [TS]

  you know and i hope i'm not giving away [TS]

  too much I open but now i'm not gonna [TS]

  get a bunch of tweets from people are [TS]

  like did you break up the long winters [TS]

  and you're just not telling us [TS]

  that's because that's not what it's like [TS]

  breaking up the angry audience at a [TS]

  stadium [TS]

  I mean they're gonna leave once they can [TS]

  find the door yeah right now with all [TS]

  respect banned you have a band at this [TS]

  point [TS]

  me personally whining besides you [TS]

  personally are there other people to [TS]

  have people to play instruments are not [TS]

  base its do you think you're asleep my [TS]

  man be okay [TS]

  guess I'm just imagining you like like [TS]

  the guy Mary Poppins we got like symbols [TS]

  between your knees like this and a [TS]

  picture i'm on my back with your parents [TS]

  can is in a man Shh [TS]

  in fact I do have a band and then think [TS]

  about my band is that they're young [TS]

  they're very talented very easy as much [TS]

  easy to push around [TS]

  no no that's not at all is there what [TS]

  the hell was that your salad did that [TS]

  did you just let the air out of the [TS]

  pneumatic suspension of your next Arace [TS]

  I like burying the Baron Harkonnen I i [TS]

  do this kind of an open stores and I [TS]

  float and I can't just pick up missing [TS]

  okay i know john i might have official [TS]

  i'm gonna write the shower and off [TS]

  button I just coughed right Mike was [TS]

  getting mad about the cuff button isn't [TS]

  sure as well he's a he says he's gonna [TS]

  buy you a lot of buyers and all I've [TS]

  never seen an actual cough button should [TS]

  we should we mentioned this we should we [TS]

  should we should we should I don't know [TS]

  what it'll just be another of the [TS]

  inscrutable like it in jokes that we [TS]

  have a free of a friend of a friend of [TS]

  the show it in a band who wouldn't you [TS]

  say that he is always a picky about [TS]

  sound but he's a man with really good [TS]

  years and he's you know you can hear the [TS]

  production right thank you he's a he's a [TS]

  legendary person he really is a one of [TS]

  the great on my heroes [TS]

  I think one of the all-time greats this [TS]

  this this listener this podcast listener [TS]

  but definitely definitely in the [TS]

  pantheon of all time greats but he is [TS]

  offended by a great many things [TS]

  yeah but one of those things is that I [TS]

  sometimes and Flemmi honest honest if [TS]

  the right I'm a sniffer and you're a [TS]

  hawker yeah you sniff I and I everyone [TS]

  trying to circulate I'm not say anything [TS]

  i'm trying unconscious and mindful e [TS]

  sitting here I'm trying not to sniff the [TS]

  horizon how many was stuffed up and i'm [TS]

  still at sniffing I approve of that i [TS]

  have a friend here in Seattle who who [TS]

  thinks that his post nasal drip is like [TS]

  such a medical condition that it excuses [TS]

  him from sitting at a white tie dinner [TS]

  and going yeah he is repulsive you got [TS]

  like you got to take that person aside i [TS]

  want to hit him with a bat know I've [TS]

  taken inside a dozen times like I have a [TS]

  medical condition [TS]

  you just don't hear you just have snot [TS]

  on your nose and yeah nobody ever taught [TS]

  you the money don't you do you grab a [TS]

  Kleenex and blow your nose look at you [TS]

  moment you might want and you know what [TS]

  you mean is it a little bit [TS]

  this is one of the many things i would [TS]

  say there's at least a handful of things [TS]

  that must never be done at the table [TS]

  you must not speak on your phone at the [TS]

  table I should leave you should leave [TS]

  vision there you remember when we went [TS]

  into the empty room when we had our last [TS]

  fancy dinner and I needed to talk to my [TS]

  lady I i need to make junk all I laughed [TS]

  remember i left that I remember you [TS]

  remember that creepy couple well I [TS]

  didn't think they were that creepy [TS]

  everybody agreed i mean they were pretty [TS]

  creepy [TS]

  they were super creepy she look Minnie [TS]

  Mouse and he was real small [TS]

  well I mean at San Francisco yeah but [TS]

  people were asking me when we were down [TS]

  it was because she has a broad abroad [TS]

  feminist platform we just recently [TS]

  played in San Francisco and people were [TS]

  saying to me like wow that's a really [TS]

  that was a really weird crowd like a [TS]

  little really like intensely weird group [TS]

  of people at that show and I said it's [TS]

  San Francisco people that's where weird [TS]

  people don't know what I mean let's talk [TS]

  specifics here but it is that if that if [TS]

  that would have to have been your first [TS]

  jonathan coulton show because that is [TS]

  easily the least weird audience i have [TS]

  ever seen anything where Jonathan [TS]

  Coulton is in the building well here he [TS]

  is definitely moving away from singing [TS]

  return [TS]

  yeah butBut the you know but the there's [TS]

  no there's weird but there's people John [TS]

  if you eat as much as you can say are [TS]

  there people who come to the shows [TS]

  dressed up as nemec's we should talk [TS]

  about music I don't i'm not sure you [TS]

  could [TS]

  I'm not trying to look at someone until [TS]

  that they were dressed as a nemec's may [TS]

  be holding a tiny little iphone um [TS]

  here's the thing in any case yes mucus [TS]

  well first of all you need to get up [TS]

  from the table if you're going to take a [TS]

  phone call you contacted maybe you need [TS]

  to stand out on the sidewalk or at least [TS]

  in the in the antechamber give an [TS]

  opinion on using like it seems to me [TS]

  that but you don't have to put your [TS]

  honor I don't know what can I don't even [TS]

  know what you're talking about but yes I [TS]

  well my friend scott simpson had [TS]

  attitude about this Kamino through this [TS]

  work but he had attitude about this [TS]

  awhile back that affected me deeply and [TS]

  any AD paraphrasing he said something [TS]

  along the lines of i will judge whether [TS]

  you are a bad person based on whether [TS]

  you use you type on your phone at the [TS]

  table something like that and i don't [TS]

  know i mean that's the thing now that [TS]

  people do and I I really I kind of let [TS]

  me put it this way here's my here's my [TS]

  stand on this [TS]

  I try really hard to not do that until [TS]

  after the entrĂ©e has arrived [TS]

  mmm your dad you get your phone out and [TS]

  start start taking pictures of it and [TS]

  tweeting it [TS]

  oh no all you mean like a book by desert [TS]

  with one bite out of it it's so numb [TS]

  oblique and this is this is this is I [TS]

  think you're hot you're costing a lot [TS]

  John do you have a button over there the [TS]

  chinese online help us anyway our friend [TS]

  wants me to get a button he was betting [TS]

  Ivy's gonna send this to deluxe cough [TS]

  buttons to call funds that we can push [TS]

  them to mute our feed so that we can [TS]

  clear our throats in safety without [TS]

  offending people's delicate ears with [TS]

  the sound of our it had our head [TS]

  congestion to see also i got the sense [TS]

  that he's real sensitive about the [TS]

  ping-pong talk to you want to still meet [TS]

  that as well [TS]

  well so he is not yet over little there [TS]

  is America's remember the generation [TS]

  that includes yours and mine [TS]

  yeah but is a little bit a little bit [TS]

  earlier he's a little older that's not [TS]

  by much now but just remember that he [TS]

  looks a lot older [TS]

  yeah oh no he does not know he's a diva [TS]

  he's a very very handsome man [TS]

  yeah but anyway he's he's a little bit [TS]

  older than us and so I think he feels [TS]

  like he was really in the trenches more [TS]

  than we were a it in terms of sort of [TS]

  the late latter part of the civil rights [TS]

  movement latter part of the the the [TS]

  third-generation feminism the real part [TS]

  of it all that kind of a tease feeling [TS]

  that you know that we are fighting for [TS]

  we are fighting to change the language [TS]

  and the thinking we want to get on the [TS]

  right team you want to get on the right [TS]

  team and I think he he he's just a [TS]

  little bit older than us and so although [TS]

  he can be he can be ironic about those [TS]

  things he also still feels like those [TS]

  battles are important and we need to we [TS]

  need to be waging them kind of at all [TS]

  times we need to be vigilant over our [TS]

  language and vigilant over our thought [TS]

  and he's not at you and I are just a [TS]

  little bit more in the camp of at you [TS]

  know people of other races should be [TS]

  sent back to their countries where they [TS]

  came from and a lot of a lot happier to [TS]

  marcus garvey type situation exactly [TS]

  yes I go back to Liberia and start a [TS]

  whole new nation [TS]

  yeah i mean strain the name freedom [TS]

  freedom Liberia Nigeria live which is [TS]

  Latin [TS]

  444 fun time to send women back to the [TS]

  mall with what why in the name like well [TS]

  I could just wave women just kind of [TS]

  understood like that they can't have it [TS]

  all know and part of not having it all [TS]

  is not sure what it is [TS]

  well that's I'm about to describe it i'm [TS]

  about to define it you can have it is [TS]

  what it is [TS]

  ok you should stop whatever it is [TS]

  whatever i'm complaining because your [TS]

  shrill high-pitched voices being able to [TS]

  that's two outs in the eighth [TS]

  I know daddy needs time to think in [TS]

  quiet get that song I you and your [TS]

  ping-pong friends don't know if you [TS]

  remember that do i send him some works [TS]

  that's the price not that I saw that [TS]

  that's what this is the best email [TS]

  thread I've had this week because he's [TS]

  too [TS]

  two of my three favorite nobody should [TS]

  use that words [TS]

  yeah um so we are we up with me cons we [TS]

  open for weaned and the time we were [TS]

  before we know because where there's [TS]

  incision and we weren't even on the [TS]

  totem pole we were like we were like in [TS]

  the park your local openers we were [TS]

  local openers that got a hundred bucks [TS]

  for the show [TS]

  mm maybe fifty bucks yeah I mean [TS]

  sometimes you get not you know who cares [TS]

  like we all have jobs it was just it was [TS]

  an honor really truly I mean in [TS]

  retrospect I mean you know I'm in my [TS]

  twenties and hoping for these bands that [TS]

  are you know like for real you're in [TS]

  your forties and you're still talking [TS]

  about it so that like that like the [TS]

  poster children like his second and that [TS]

  wouldn't have happened if I wasn't [TS]

  living in this countdown but anyway in [TS]

  you know it's a dumb story is no doors [TS]

  now it's a dumb story [TS]

  yeah I can I gave them a present which [TS]

  is creepy you shouldn't give people [TS]

  presents when they're onto recently they [TS]

  got either packer throw throw throw it [TS]

  away sure their English but I mean [TS]

  that's well now that this it is an [TS]

  interesting thread though that I that I [TS]

  just had not read not very long ago [TS]

  which is that if someone gives you [TS]

  something when you're on tour a fan [TS]

  gives you something particularly [TS]

  something they made either a food item [TS]

  or a piece of fan art in a wicker chair [TS]

  or wicker chair or like a like it's [TS]

  something cast iron that they made in [TS]

  their forge give a fan gives you [TS]

  something on two and four church [TS]

  you cannot throw it away that not ok its [TS]

  finest right that luck [TS]

  it's but i think it's extremely bad luck [TS]

  and it's also bad faith [TS]

  and it's like that listen a fan has made [TS]

  this for you there is something sacred [TS]

  about it but I was talking to sort of a [TS]

  crew in a crew context talking to a [TS]

  group of people who work which was made [TS]

  up of some more musicians but some were [TS]

  touring crew people and the crew people [TS]

  all agreed they all said I mean the [TS]

  solution to that is that you if you if [TS]

  the fan has made something for you that [TS]

  spooks you which witch happens they [TS]

  bring something to show they're like I [TS]

  made this for you and it's like oh [TS]

  that's a voodoo doll that your hair or [TS]

  the had something that's not that's not [TS]

  a hundred percent cool with me this is a [TS]

  microphone what you can do that then [TS]

  this was this was the crew speaking they [TS]

  were like you gift it to a member of the [TS]

  crew and then the crew can do whatever [TS]

  they want me to make a bong out of it [TS]

  right [TS]

  so those items of a fan material that [TS]

  you get where you're like oh like I just [TS]

  got a bunch of cookies that all look [TS]

  like me except they have big gingerbread [TS]

  penises on them and I don't want those I [TS]

  don't know why somebody would make me [TS]

  where do you take the first bite I [TS]

  usually bite the head off but that would [TS]

  be really confusing i don't want to keep [TS]

  them but I don't want I definitely don't [TS]

  want to just throw them away either that [TS]

  seems like a really particular to the [TS]

  proper cookie plane [TS]

  no I'm going to talk about them anymore [TS]

  but if you have them to the crew then [TS]

  the then you what you have done is given [TS]

  a gift [TS]

  yes which like releases you from the [TS]

  bond and the crew of course those people [TS]

  have no he left wrist out some people [TS]

  morals of that almost now and well that [TS]

  but then the cookie that the penis [TS]

  cookies go away and everybody is fine [TS]

  maybe you distracted the crew for a [TS]

  while which is not a bad idea is given [TS]

  the crew something to think about and [TS]

  giving them a present from our hands a [TS]

  little bit you know and if it shows up [TS]

  on ebay later [TS]

  that's it that's on them that's not on [TS]

  you yeah [TS]

  so anyway it was that that's that's a [TS]

  little bit of like rock-and-roll science [TS]

  there [TS]

  I don't do it up cannot throw something [TS]

  away that I want to make it awkward John [TS]

  but you are a strike me as a very light [TS]

  packer and in a sense that you literally [TS]

  wear the same thing everyday and you [TS]

  have a very I think in my experience you [TS]

  have a pretty easy try that bag I gave [TS]

  you [TS]

  it's kind of lame isn't it no no it's [TS]

  good i just did you get this restaurant [TS]

  now we found this trap we haven't given [TS]

  it the next time you come up with [TS]

  something you just wrap everything [TS]

  strapped that's how you throw me the [TS]

  cello I throw you the strap [TS]

  oh that a good deal is that challenge [TS]

  that challenge thing we frightened about [TS]

  that you can send me a fucking joke [TS]

  listen the cello is worth more than the [TS]

  strap I don't think so you try to travel [TS]

  with the cello and you're gonna have to [TS]

  have to check that you would have to [TS]

  check this your package shallow you [TS]

  would not be able to pack it because it [TS]

  doesn't have a case it's a it's just a [TS]

  free it's a free cello to consider an [TS]

  extremely honest man so I would never [TS]

  want to take you to anything like a task [TS]

  on this but you're telling me that you [TS]

  actually sometimes take stuff with you [TS]

  that people have given you that's [TS]

  non-perishable if somebody made you if [TS]

  you see if somebody made you a little [TS]

  John a hair like would you would you [TS]

  actually put that in your bag and then [TS]

  where would that go to take that home [TS]

  with you being honest [TS]

  well yeah in fact we're back when I had [TS]

  a tour van we had a kind of mean a lot [TS]

  of a lot of bands with to advance the [TS]

  dashboard ends up being kind of shrine [TS]

  where all your old backstage passes and [TS]

  little shit that fans have given you it [TS]

  all gets you know death cab for cutie's [TS]

  to have a have a box of peeps up there [TS]

  that it melted in the sun and so it's [TS]

  like a bunch of melted peach something [TS]

  like a tinkerbell poster a tinkle tinkle [TS]

  Bell poster benefited did she did an [TS]

  entire tour sitting up on the on the [TS]

  dashboard of the van [TS]

  whenever I always going to ask you is it [TS]

  rolled up the whole time it was rolled [TS]

  up everything you nuts [TS]

  no no every time one of the my bandmates [TS]

  would be like what is this thing can we [TS]

  get this off the dash I'd be like get [TS]

  your hands off [TS]

  don't touch it don't look at it like [TS]

  it's not it's not there [TS]

  there's no is it not like don't you [TS]

  matter what it is and I'll know if you [TS]

  looked at it [TS]

  my mind just happened with me and it's I [TS]

  got two angles on this there's the one [TS]

  angle of oh my god this is like the [TS]

  sweetest thing in the world that you [TS]

  give me like sometimes people are really [TS]

  sweet about like going to talk to [TS]

  somebody gives me like a present for my [TS]

  daughter or something like that and you [TS]

  know I feel I and if it was in town i [TS]

  would i would absolutely bring it home [TS]

  but the problem is like if you've gotta [TS]

  travel and like I'm already i'm such a [TS]

  bad packer III really seriously like to [TS]

  quote you know so I felt like Diana Ross [TS]

  I have suffering so much stuff I don't [TS]

  need is already packed i'm late i'm [TS]

  hungover I understand what I'm telling [TS]

  you is you cannot just never do it [TS]

  cannot arbitrarily throw that stuff when [TS]

  you consider just throwing it away in a [TS]

  garbage can they wouldn't sell you have [TS]

  to give it as a gift to somebody that [TS]

  you have to break the spell but it but [TS]

  yeah we are somebody made somebody [TS]

  people used to make incredible stuff for [TS]

  us i had a set of beads that said the [TS]

  long winters that's so that's so sweet [TS]

  and you put that somewhere in a [TS]

  collection of your home i do have them [TS]

  somewhere there's a there's a little [TS]

  remember the old penguin shirt that we [TS]

  had it was a it was a little fat pain [TS]

  when on a in a circle that let's set the [TS]

  long winters under it [TS]

  yeah somebody made a stuffed penguin [TS]

  that's how sweet now crafts I like [TS]

  crafts very nice very much and i think [TS]

  is my friend Moxie she gave me like a [TS]

  felt finger puppet and the finger puppet [TS]

  had its own finger puppet and i love it [TS]

  but that's around cold water thing right [TS]

  there she doesn't like that thats it [TS]

  thats that would be typical of her to [TS]

  teach my past if somebody I should have [TS]

  had a cough button because i just made a [TS]

  little snort I think you did [TS]

  so why did you all over the fallout [TS]

  somebody just email the state think you [TS]

  did the mucus DoublePlay tinker to Evers [TS]

  done it gives you a finger puppet [TS]

  oh it was felt there's very little it [TS]

  was very little all other dimension [TS]

  ok connect can ask you just a couple [TS]

  quick questions about this and I i don't [TS]

  mean this to turn into a lightning round [TS]

  right [TS]

  ok so one that's easy to cross off is if [TS]

  it is food you like if you if its food [TS]

  you like and it doesn't seem like [TS]

  there's anything weird innit [TS]

  we try it maybe eat it this is the thing [TS]

  that people give me food all the time [TS]

  mhm have a couple of fans that I like [TS]

  very much who [TS]

  Tina give me food use cookies and cake [TS]

  and one that is that it's really [TS]

  well-made stuff and it's just delicious [TS]

  and everybody loves anticipated you come [TS]

  to town you gonna get cookies and cake [TS]

  absolutely when in fact uh in fact there [TS]

  we have a friend in San Francisco always [TS]

  makes us black bottom of brownies black [TS]

  bottom cupcakes that's okay it's not [TS]

  ping-pong i love she is an Asian person [TS]

  here so it's you do with it what you [TS]

  will [TS]

  and right now by saying nothing anywhere [TS]

  but there are other times like like one [TS]

  time i was i was playing in in portland [TS]

  and some read students some students [TS]

  from reed college came and get an had a [TS]

  bunch of cupcakes and over like we made [TS]

  these cupcakes and I was like Reed is [TS]

  the type of place where people would put [TS]

  LSD and cupcakes and give them to a band [TS]

  i want you know eggs i feel like right [TS]

  and no eggs no no animals were were [TS]

  enslaved to make these LSD cupcakes that [TS]

  was made from wheat grass and hash so I [TS]

  was so I said to them from the stage was [TS]

  like you don't have there are no LSDs in [TS]

  these cupcakes are they [TS]

  oregon and they they all were like haha [TS]

  no no way T let's not evil i'm giving [TS]

  these to the crew is and you know I've [TS]

  never better crew person that wouldn't [TS]

  eat a vegan LSD cupcake I could eat an [TS]

  sm57 a lot of them look at this I'm [TS]

  gonna check i'm gonna check out food [TS]

  food comma ok food now what and i'm [TS]

  going to click and mail chip cookies are [TS]

  always all boy i love it i love a cookie [TS]

  and let's be nice for you know I I don't [TS]

  do this as much anymore because you [TS]

  always say no but the one exception of [TS]

  the time you're desperately ill and I [TS]

  brought you some cold medicine I in the [TS]

  past I used to always ask do you need [TS]

  anything [TS]

  you probably got the areas and pics but [TS]

  like do you is there anything I can [TS]

  bring you that would bring you comfort [TS]

  and you always say no because you're [TS]

  gentlemen but you know I it must be you [TS]

  want to have that comfort when you [TS]

  arrive somewhere and if you've got a [TS]

  cake waiting for you in a room like you [TS]

  don't touch that alcohol I think I don't [TS]

  like five years by the way you're [TS]

  welcome to them [TS]

  yeah yeah it's gotten pretty much [TS]

  cleaned at you Jonathan you got you [TS]

  you guys did good you made sure there [TS]

  was no Brandi left he made sure there [TS]

  was [TS]

  no I'm writing on subway on a card I [TS]

  mean you know the last time I saw you [TS]

  you were standing on the street in front [TS]

  of a subway and you doing brother open [TS]

  superseries front of an open sewer and [TS]

  you were eating the last of for Subway [TS]

  sandwiches huh [TS]

  now what that remember i would have been [TS]

  back for more let's go yeah we did [TS]

  you're like hey this party's really [TS]

  going anywhere to eat it with be better [TS]

  like god it stinks it smells like shit [TS]

  and piss in this on the sidewalk and [TS]

  you're like I'm going for more damages I [TS]

  thought you guys were going to have them [TS]

  with me some stay there like a dope with [TS]

  this plastic bag full of like crappy [TS]

  sandwiches at two in the morning anyway [TS]

  um so if I can just I want to make it a [TS]

  little suitcase somewhere I can cross [TS]

  that off thank you em behind I don't [TS]

  smoke but thank you for tuning that I [TS]

  two more okay how about this [TS]

  so this is the one this is the one I [TS]

  have a problem with and I struggle with [TS]

  this because everywhere you go [TS]

  somebody's got a shirt and and it's it's [TS]

  kind of and it is super nice thing but [TS]

  like I personally I want to give you a [TS]

  shirt [TS]

  starting to think yeah exactly starting [TS]

  in 2006 i turned a corner because i used [TS]

  to be rock and roll short guy like I [TS]

  always wanna rock'n'roll shirt and I [TS]

  mean I had really really really good [TS]

  shirts and yeah you did I might have had [TS]

  a leader Egypt and I remember anyway [TS]

  yeah you know you know what you know [TS]

  what have you seen that I had in my [TS]

  heart makin sure I totally did [TS]

  yeah yeah had a bacon stain on it my [TS]

  payment shirt with a cool one the green [TS]

  one I had bacon stain on it or I had a [TS]

  dump trucks your that's weird bacon [TS]

  years [TS]

  yeah the making because you had a really [TS]

  cool down structured a really cool [TS]

  replacement you know what I said I said [TS]

  this is it this is done this is this is [TS]

  silly i'm at the time I was like 50 and [TS]

  I said I got to get rid of these i get [TS]

  rid of them [TS]

  I did I I got all I took photos of a lot [TS]

  of them like my archers of loaf shirt i [TS]

  knew i was gonna miss that was really [TS]

  nice like long-sleeve when they made [TS]

  nice shirts you know guy dribbles you [TS]

  don't just put in a you didn't just put [TS]

  it in a box and put it in the added [TS]

  value that actually the point is the [TS]

  stop putting things in boxes John that [TS]

  was the point of our purge and I made a [TS]

  lot of tough decisions i got rid of some [TS]

  nice bags you know what what what a good [TS]

  solution to that is I will see quilts [TS]

  and pillows and quilts right you're hit [TS]

  you're here [TS]

  hip to the sentencing creepy at all to [TS]

  make it making sure the quality of your [TS]

  own shirts rock-and-roll band shirt for [TS]

  you what do you put that though you put [TS]

  it on your bed like a gentleman you put [TS]

  it on your bed and you pull it up under [TS]

  your chin when you're cold in the winter [TS]

  you know what I wish I could go back [TS]

  the point is I turned a corner I said [TS]

  look I really white shirts that don't [TS]

  have yellow pits and I need to buy new [TS]

  ones i need to have I mean I'm a man now [TS]

  i can have all the stuff I got rid of [TS]

  them and the thing is when i did that [TS]

  and I made that difficult decision of [TS]

  getting rid of the dump truck sure which [TS]

  really was discussing it was from like [TS]

  1988 and was totally gross right and [TS]

  that was still wearing it you know and [TS]

  i'm like a family and so excuse me I'm [TS]

  gonna wish you hadn't melted my bros [TS]

  pretty late into your thirties I would I [TS]

  don't think we're done i don't think [TS]

  we're done with that trip yeah i really [TS]

  don't i mean if i could if i can eat [TS]

  that many sandwiches in front of an open [TS]

  sewer with you I i got the things i need [TS]

  to get their PMT's to they were done [TS]

  with all any fall and you're like I bet [TS]

  you're getting extra monkey peppers on [TS]

  him or something you like giving your bb [TS]

  mt with extra might have a side of [TS]

  subway system that if you were not too [TS]

  snarky i would share with you because [TS]

  starbucks and subway is all you can [TS]

  count on when you travel and i will give [TS]

  you advice that you will not take [TS]

  somebody move on i want a subway [TS]

  sandwich at subway in bellingham [TS]

  washington right before going into [TS]

  Canada their knowledge eyes I had it [TS]

  didn't because it was American but I had [TS]

  explosive poops haha two days afterwards [TS]

  and I didn't have banana peppers banana [TS]

  peppers I gonna get banana peppers and [TS]

  I'm not gonna eat there anymore and I [TS]

  did meet there for like eight years [TS]

  until standing on the street corner on [TS]

  on marketing in san francisco CA where [TS]

  is a totally sketchy neighborhood in [TS]

  instances yeah but it wasn't able to get [TS]

  the sewer with a lot and you're the only [TS]

  guy in the entire group that could even [TS]

  conceivably handle being punched by [TS]

  somebody i was also the only guy that [TS]

  wasn't like switch swilling off of a [TS]

  brandy bottle in the been on the side [TS]

  have no recollection of any that John I [TS]

  don't think that happened it wasn't it [TS]

  was a constant so the point is like I [TS]

  love people and I love their companies [TS]

  and I love their website they're all [TS]

  good people but like I just bring your [TS]

  t-shirt that is a relatively inexpensive [TS]

  shirt with the logo of a company on it [TS]

  here's the problem now I gotta carry [TS]

  that [TS]

  oh yeah now that you know what I feel [TS]

  like the exception to this is when [TS]

  somebody gives you swag from theirs from [TS]

  their company you can put that [TS]

  immediately in the garbage [TS]

  okay that is not a fan so if you get up [TS]

  she not get a cheap pen or a paperweight [TS]

  or like a bottle opener guard balls are [TS]

  Bosh ok alright well good i don't see [TS]

  what I'm saying now that did this isn't [TS]

  does not put a anything like a lie to [TS]

  your system it's a fan has made [TS]

  something beautiful for you i'm not [TS]

  talking about that I'm talking I'm [TS]

  talking about and get something like [TS]

  this number three because number three [TS]

  is going to be I really want to hear [TS]

  your advice on number three are no but I [TS]

  feel like I feel like any kind of [TS]

  company swag like here's something [TS]

  that's been happening to me recently [TS]

  that is that is really really that is [TS]

  really trying my gears i do not have [TS]

  enough oil and I have enough machine oil [TS]

  in the world to keep my gears running [TS]

  smoothly and somebody comes up to me at [TS]

  a show and says hi I'm make instruments [TS]

  i make effects pedals or I make guitars [TS]

  and i would like to make a guitar for [TS]

  you and I go wow that's amazing really [TS]

  they're like yes I make guitars and i'm [TS]

  a big fan of you and I want to make you [TS]

  a guitar and I go wow I would love for [TS]

  you to make me a guitar and they go [TS]

  great can I have your email address and [TS]

  I'll to contact you and we'll talk about [TS]

  it and I'm like that's fantastic here's [TS]

  my email address and then the next day [TS]

  they sent me an email that says great [TS]

  well i'm gonna start working on your [TS]

  guitar and let's talk about artists [TS]

  pricing [TS]

  oh come on and I'm like artists pricing [TS]

  here is what you said I'm going to make [TS]

  your guitar that means you are going to [TS]

  make me a guitar and give it to me that [TS]

  does not mean that you are going to sell [TS]

  me a guitar that is not what I let me [TS]

  make you guitar means yeah and and that [TS]

  is a that is I think I'm much more [TS]

  common thing now where people are like I [TS]

  love you and I really want to make you [TS]

  something great get started okay here's [TS]

  my price because this straight straight [TS]

  in number three if i could get the risk [TS]

  of courting a neologism that is not a [TS]

  gift that is a grift a grift that is [TS]

  that is a grift because it feels like a [TS]

  gift but it's actually a little bit [TS]

  scroogie so here's number three okay so [TS]

  you say yes [TS]

  probably maybe to food that's a [TS]

  case-by-case basis depends on a lot of [TS]

  factors you know what you have to look [TS]

  into the eyes of someone who's giving [TS]

  you food [TS]

  oh you can see you can see did the pools [TS]

  of concern [TS]

  it's like it's like the the way the [TS]

  Israelis handle airport security they [TS]

  don't make everyone a speaker shoes off [TS]

  right [TS]

  they just stand out in front of the [TS]

  airport and they look everybody in the [TS]

  eye as they're walking in that you get [TS]

  good at that you get really good at it [TS]

  and the thing is if you're going to blow [TS]

  up a plane and you're walking into an [TS]

  airport and some a sum like young army [TS]

  guy looks you in the eye you give it all [TS]

  away i don't care what how much of a [TS]

  sociopath you are you give it all away [TS]

  you cannot going to look something I'd [TS]

  be like to do with your mom here because [TS]

  the thing is like no eye contact that [TS]

  can be sketchy when too much eye contact [TS]

  you been practicing [TS]

  that's right these guys aren't these [TS]

  guys are trained to pull you aside and [TS]

  say you know whose shoes were gonna take [TS]

  off your shoes and you know who's we're [TS]

  not gonna take off the little old lady [TS]

  who doesn't mean you know we missed a [TS]

  wiener we missed a fucking flight on [TS]

  this last to her because the TSA it [TS]

  goddamn minneapolis doesn't it as [TS]

  seriously could not solve a simple to [TS]

  Doku this TSA a lot of Methodist this [TS]

  misty as they could not figure out how [TS]

  to get the other toilet paper roll in [TS]

  one of those double toilet paper roll [TS]

  systems in a public bathroom they could [TS]

  not figure out how to get that other [TS]

  toilet paper roll over when the first [TS]

  toilet paper rolls out Caroline that [TS]

  they are listening to a tsa that I've [TS]

  ever seen and they literally actually [TS]

  said to us when we complained [TS]

  we're not in the customer service [TS]

  business [TS]

  oh boy wrong thing to say and I swear to [TS]

  God I it took everything in my power the [TS]

  only reason I did not give a long [TS]

  lecture the only reason i did not stand [TS]

  up on the conveyor belt and a long [TS]

  lecture is because i knew i would be [TS]

  pulled down and put into a jail that's [TS]

  the only TV which you eat walking you [TS]

  can click its I would be for keeping [TS]

  plays until they turned it off [TS]

  I be standing there walking in place [TS]

  saying people of America but i knew i [TS]

  would be put into a jail and so I kept [TS]

  my mouth shut but you also inconvenience [TS]

  everybody writing computer [TS]

  doesn't work because now they got value [TS]

  out but not have been more inconvenient [TS]

  than we were inconvenienced by this [TS]

  incompetent tsa who are fighting the [TS]

  last war but anyway in case it was the [TS]

  only time in my whole life this has [TS]

  happened when i got to the gate and they [TS]

  had closed the gate five minutes before [TS]

  because we spent an hour at TSA GYN even [TS]

  tried I've at all [TS]

  oh I mean I told the woman at the gate I [TS]

  was like you know my dad my dad would [TS]

  have this that plane back here and she [TS]

  was like yeah a lot of things have [TS]

  changed since the seventies and I was [TS]

  like no I'm serious if my dad was alive [TS]

  yeah we open this you would be opening [TS]

  this for me that is the most flaccid [TS]

  satisfaction demand I've ever heard i [TS]

  could just see him going to know what [TS]

  color I go sit down [TS]

  ya know they were I mean we were all [TS]

  laughing she was like yeah i mean in the [TS]

  old days they would have brought it back [TS]

  and they probably would've given you [TS]

  guys free drinks now but everything's [TS]

  everything's changed everything's [TS]

  changing the plane is going and she's [TS]

  like she points out the windshield like [TS]

  see that the plane still here [TS]

  it's still connected to the building [TS]

  known open the door to door is shut and [TS]

  it shuts ask me again [TS]

  mitten it say all the things in the [TS]

  world you want to say but this door [TS]

  could not be more shut there aren't done [TS]

  more shot far the phone call your dad [TS]

  and I don't like facing back and forth i [TS]

  was thinking maybe I should go back to [TS]

  TSA and give that speech in any case [TS]

  let's go back through my father [TS]

  ja shot a Japanese zero out of the sky [TS]

  with a 45 he wasn't supposed to have [TS]

  through the window of his god damn [TS]

  airplane was moving and you people [TS]

  God isn't a training day it's a subway [TS]

  sandwich falling from your beard but [TS]

  this is the thing about taking food from [TS]

  people at rock so you look at any eyes [TS]

  looking like you look you give them [TS]

  Israeli eyes you look at him like a like [TS]

  a member of the Israeli airport command [TS]

  given Israeli as nice thing is that a [TS]

  you say are you carrying a bomb do your [TS]

  cupcakes LSD and you and nine times out [TS]

  of ten 99.999 percent of the time you're [TS]

  going to get you're gonna get all you [TS]

  know all you need to know through their [TS]

  eyes [TS]

  well this is probably covered in that [TS]

  first of all this is a fantastic tip for [TS]

  like a million things but I'm guessing [TS]

  this is probably covered in your special [TS]

  forces book i think this is part of [TS]

  interrogation I i think this is part of [TS]

  you know this phony baloney lie-detector [TS]

  test [TS]

  I think the problem is you mix it up [TS]

  right you ask him a question like are [TS]

  you okay look at me are you a long [TS]

  winter show right now [TS]

  yes yes are you did you make your own [TS]

  clothes [TS]

  yes is there always be in my kids [TS]

  they'll stay in the cupcakes know your [TS]

  mother's name Sally gonna mix it up and [TS]

  you call them for a long time before you [TS]

  said know exactly you took to let you [TS]

  took too long i'm not touching the cakes [TS]

  and I bet you that's what the Israeli [TS]

  guys do here's the problem also with [TS]

  this nonsense you're talking about and [TS]

  that you know and I hate talking about [TS]

  travel except i hate it so much [TS]

  no se SI thing it's just it's just the [TS]

  worst because first of all of these [TS]

  folks you know they're not actually like [TS]

  police officers right you understand [TS]

  that they're they're basically like bank [TS]

  tellers with fake uniforms are you [TS]

  asking me because yes i dunno ok alright [TS]

  these people these people could not get [TS]

  jobs on a ball that i'm not at all I [TS]

  mean like not not you're not saying just [TS]

  a security guard you're saying they [TS]

  couldn't be at the info booth they [TS]

  couldn't be in Julie's I could make a [TS]

  knot practicals and it cuts me at the [TS]

  bead store the thing here's the here's [TS]

  the problem [TS]

  okay here's the thing this is this is [TS]

  the thing that pisses me off the Central [TS]

  Intelligence Agency will not hire you if [TS]

  you have smoked marijuana or set a bad [TS]

  thing on the internet about America or [TS]

  done anything other than be a total [TS]

  straight-arrow all the way through [TS]

  school and go to Yale and be like a [TS]

  complete ramrod up your rectum [TS]

  mhm that's the only way you're going to [TS]

  get it all makes sense [TS]

  merely on the surface only on the [TS]

  surface doesn't make sense you're like [TS]

  so much less sense in the day-to-day [TS]

  affairs of the CIA agent that is such a [TS]

  terrible idea [TS]

  correct if you are it might be good for [TS]

  a minister that's terrible for somebody [TS]

  who has to think like one of the folks [TS]

  there trying to defeat if you are in the [TS]

  field there is there is probably no [TS]

  better CIA agent that a guy who smoked a [TS]

  bunch of weed [TS]

  and as a periodically trafficked in like [TS]

  Rare tortoises and you know like and was [TS]

  maybe a white slave trader for a while [TS]

  like these are the God quit he quit he [TS]

  quit because his love America compelled [TS]

  him to go to work like the idea that [TS]

  he's still a little bit of a wild card I [TS]

  know I'm in no position to run the CIA [TS]

  and I don't want to pander but if it [TS]

  were me and I were looking at some [TS]

  resumes or not resumes maybe i'm looking [TS]

  at something that's been written on a [TS]

  garbage can lid that ends up being much [TS]

  more effective this person says you know [TS]

  what I used to have a crippling problem [TS]

  with alcohol and drugs i have made a lot [TS]

  of people's life hell and I'm not afraid [TS]

  to blow something up from in the right [TS]

  mood you know why do i say I is fill out [TS]

  some forms you're well informed [TS]

  hello you don't exist will disavow all [TS]

  knowledge of you but we need you [TS]

  garbage anyway how many people have you [TS]

  killed with scissors that is a question [TS]

  that I I think should be on this year [TS]

  because you know here's the thing it's [TS]

  like the David Allen says write the [TS]

  worst time to train for getting jumped [TS]

  in an alley is when you're getting [TS]

  jumped in an alley he's killed a lot of [TS]

  people with scissors you get the [TS]

  confidence to start killing people with [TS]

  children scissors [TS]

  once you kill people children scissors [TS]

  he misses me yes it precisely precisely [TS]

  left-handed safety scissors [TS]

  those are hard you your paper gets all [TS]

  screwed up and then how about this you [TS]

  move to mechanical pencils and then you [TS]

  move your fucking pinky pinky only [TS]

  eyeball no fucking chemical pencils you [TS]

  like him at all [TS]

  oh I had these ones i really like a lot [TS]

  they're called golden bears they're [TS]

  really help you but you know there's a [TS]

  part of you that's like Japanese that [TS]

  part of you that's your problem is so [TS]

  much Japanese your Japanese there's a [TS]

  little better you that's Japanese your [TS]

  problem is you're not you are deeply [TS]

  french in a way that you have never [TS]

  accepted [TS]

  that's not true a third problem the only [TS]

  part of me that's French is that when i [TS]

  invade France yeah I get a little bit of [TS]

  it on me and you give it some tongue I [TS]

  do third-level grilled what's the third [TS]

  level of rift ok and i have a frenemy [TS]

  who does this is it is your nemesis now [TS]

  he does deserve to be mrs. nobody's [TS]

  there i have not yet met the person who [TS]

  deserves to be my nemesis the problem is [TS]

  only a nemesis oh you kidding me [TS]

  my nemesis must be earned because I'm [TS]

  trying to figure out what an evil Merlin [TS]

  man would look like I guess pretty much [TS]

  like me with glasses glasses something [TS]

  now I system through muy this beautiful [TS]

  beautiful glasses you gave me I never [TS]

  told you about this [TS]

  yeah well i know i'm trying to block it [TS]

  out john III you should see the shit I'm [TS]

  wearing now it's ridiculous it's [TS]

  ridiculous it's not some warby parker [TS]

  horse crap is it [TS]

  here's the thing the guy who gives you [TS]

  the gift [TS]

  yeah of his checkbook was a chapbook [TS]

  it's a self-published book of his poems [TS]

  or essays [TS]

  happy fucking birthday uh haha ok so I [TS]

  know a guy and I this is this is my hand [TS]

  my hand my hand to God he came to to an [TS]

  event might have been like a [TS]

  housewarming it was the flimsiest is the [TS]

  flimsiest grift I've ever seen because [TS]

  he shows up and if I just to define this [TS]

  front of me in one word it would be [TS]

  square [TS]

  that's gonna be squeezed his way over [TS]

  and he hands me a hastily wrapped gift [TS]

  and goes i hope you enjoy this and and [TS]

  it's a a signed copy of his perfect [TS]

  mound like at kinkos a book of things [TS]

  that he's written oh there's a lot [TS]

  there's a lot of white space and of [TS]

  course it's a little bit you know the [TS]

  typefaces are a little office cute [TS]

  because he basically xeroxed it [TS]

  oh my God thank you so much this is so [TS]

  nice and of course just just to be clear [TS]

  here [TS]

  he also in his large coat brought three [TS]

  or four extra copies in case anybody [TS]

  want to buy one oh that's thoughtful is [TS]

  doing ten bucks for you right [TS]

  okay i want to give you that copies [TS]

  armed for free because like I mean what [TS]

  do you say I mean like it i mean a man [TS]

  like you you enjoy present right youyou [TS]

  sounds to me like you're very gracious [TS]

  about receiving a present [TS]

  you know a true gift right but in that [TS]

  instance let the reason I asked you here [TS]

  for the third level grift you you're out [TS]

  of show you got stuff you're already [TS]

  carrying your you got a wicker basket [TS]

  you got some you got some psychedelic [TS]

  cupcakes you might have a hair doll that [TS]

  looks like you got some penis cookies [TS]

  and then some squee guy comes backstage [TS]

  and hands you the gift of his checkbook [TS]

  signed are not signed to keep it [TS]

  put differently i'm sorry i don't want [TS]

  to be binary what do you do with the [TS]

  chapbook what do you say to squeeze boy [TS]

  well this fall's I think into the same [TS]

  category and and and and i hate to be [TS]

  revealing I'd be revealing too much [TS]

  because the same category this out if we [TS]

  need two of the of the person who comes [TS]

  in and gives you their CD and and I know [TS]

  I absolutely know on the other side of [TS]

  the line what that feels like [TS]

  like that i made this record I really [TS]

  really really want John Roderick to hear [TS]

  it i really want Mermaid Man TT to read [TS]

  my book because I really really admire [TS]

  him and I made this thing and I'm very [TS]

  proud of it and i really want to give up [TS]

  just such a different thing from acting [TS]

  like it's a present for [TS]

  like it's a present for [TS]

  birthday well don't think I think the [TS]

  intentionality is important i know the [TS]

  Buddhist but I think that's very [TS]

  important [TS]

  I in the end it is it's a kind of that [TS]

  to give to give a CD to a guy at the [TS]

  merch table and to give you hastily [TS]

  wrapped present of his poem book of [TS]

  poems at your birthday party [TS]

  I don't think is different because the [TS]

  CD and the book are going to end up in [TS]

  the same place which is like basically [TS]

  left in the dressing room when the bend [TS]

  I I have a solution to this that is [TS]

  extremely simple and extremely candid [TS]

  and extremely good for everybody and [TS]

  make sure with you [TS]

  yes please do you know what I am so over [TS]

  packed right now there's no way that I [TS]

  could pack this could you do me a favor [TS]

  i'm going to give you my email address [TS]

  please send me a link to an end three of [TS]

  your favorite song you've done [TS]

  oh that's not a bad idea because you're [TS]

  not is the thing is the CD is but you do [TS]

  you listen to that link [TS]

  yeah probably yeah but then the problem [TS]

  is you get yourself into here's the [TS]

  other thing so with the book part and I [TS]

  would never say this to birthday boy [TS]

  but but you know if somebody says you [TS]

  know and ideas with lots of stuff [TS]

  because people i mean you know whatever [TS]

  i'm grateful that people are really [TS]

  grateful that people are interested in [TS]

  me knowing about what they do and a lot [TS]

  of times I end up loving it and you're [TS]

  following their work but here's what I [TS]

  do if somebody goes check out my blog [TS]

  and to me that's like going absorb my [TS]

  rubra like to thank you look what I [TS]

  always say is could you do me a favor [TS]

  and this goes for people who suggests a [TS]

  comic book it goes for people who like [TS]

  some kind of a comedian [TS]

  I'll say so could you do me a favor and [TS]

  email me your favorite thing you've ever [TS]

  written [TS]

  yeah so I know you want me to watch you [TS]

  know watch this whole five hour special [TS]

  by sloppy jewelry's her quest ever but [TS]

  could you send me a like a YouTube video [TS]

  of your favorite bit and another thing [TS]

  is here's the thing and this is this is [TS]

  this goes straight to the stuff that I [TS]

  care a lot about what the things that [TS]

  aren't the show which is that like if [TS]

  you want me to actually do that you [TS]

  really imagine that i'm going to like [TS]

  like treasure this chapbook no that's [TS]

  totally lame it's all about you if you [TS]

  really want me to enjoy this like why [TS]

  don't you send me something that's an [TS]

  easy in row two loving you rather than [TS]

  forcing that on me and then making me [TS]

  feel bad that like now I have to pack a [TS]

  CD [TS]

  I mean how many CDs can you pack i [TS]

  really like that idea i don't think [TS]

  anything honestly i will read that i [TS]

  will actually read that and i will [TS]

  actually listen to that honestly if you [TS]

  give me a wet with CD [TS]

  ok give me a CD player 2 i'll just [TS]

  hopped in my bag uh-huh i'll put on here [TS]

  I'll put in here with my reel-to-reel of [TS]

  you know kraftwerk covers that somebody [TS]

  gave me people have been asking me a you [TS]

  know free for now decades who like how I [TS]

  discover new music and I discover new [TS]

  music the way anybody does [TS]

  I either by either a matter show and I [TS]

  see a band that I that surprises me or I [TS]

  somebody that I like or trust says you [TS]

  should listen to this and i have never [TS]

  discovered new music because somebody [TS]

  that i didn't know came up to me at my [TS]

  own merch table and handed me a CT and I [TS]

  don't really like to just to be clear [TS]

  don't sound like a dick here I don't [TS]

  like my UI that I have done that I've [TS]

  wasted my music on you I foisted started [TS]

  I don't know why you would do it too but [TS]

  it doesn't work if this idea of saying [TS]

  send me the show me one thing that you [TS]

  are the proud of stuff [TS]

  mhm is it does it have an absolutely [TS]

  that I i think that is a workable [TS]

  solution man and I think that we should [TS]

  all as a group of people as a community [TS]

  of like-minded individuals we should all [TS]

  adopt that policy here and forth with [TS]

  send me your best thing send me one [TS]

  thing your best thing [TS]

  do not make it a 5 your best thing [TS]

  cannot be of 5,000 word documents [TS]

  yeah it is it should be a thing that I [TS]

  can digest in three minutes and if it is [TS]

  great and that include where I can find [TS]

  you know where I can follow up but one [TS]

  thing one thing [TS]

  yeah that's a no that's not that's not [TS]

  about it if the hair doll you know just [TS]

  given your home address if it's a hair [TS]

  darling animality regular delivered [TS]

  don't know how somebody's going to give [TS]

  you a doll made of hair looking like [TS]

  years that little hairs that they're [TS]

  gonna bring you a dollar of hair that [TS]

  they've collected from your hair over [TS]

  the [TS]

  good clippings or tears make room in [TS]

  your suitcase [TS]

  ah get that thing that damage on I wish [TS]

  I could believe this [TS]

  I I don't believe this i think next time [TS]

  I see you you know what I was about to [TS]

  say i want to search your bag but that's [TS]

  about the last thing in the world that I [TS]

  want to do i but ok alright fine and so [TS]

  if i come to your home and i will be [TS]

  coming home soon for the thing we're [TS]

  doing which we should talk about the [TS]

  show when it's time all right um you're [TS]

  telling me i will find I will find her [TS]

  dolls and in and penis cakes at your [TS]

  house looking around the room where I [TS]

  said mhm you get hats you got am Jose a [TS]

  lot of old military uniform handguns [TS]

  goggles [TS]

  well so many globes are you got gloves i [TS]

  totally get my daughter globe [TS]

  I got a globe for her if you don't if [TS]

  you don't send the cello can i get when [TS]

  you're less costly globes [TS]

  I'm gonna get you think the gloves are [TS]

  less costly but in fact all my globes [TS]

  are vintage globes but I have one for [TS]

  your daughter are all glogs vintage at [TS]

  this point to people as other globe es [TS]

  anymore to people make globes people do [TS]

  make loans but new gloves are gross [TS]

  unless you spend a lot of this new [TS]

  borders they just don't fucking make any [TS]

  sense anymore all these all these all [TS]

  these namby-pamby new boarders we've got [TS]

  I've got three World War 10 the [TS]

  offensive all the offensive names i [TS]

  would love it you know I'm torn on this [TS]

  because you get your different [TS]

  projections people starting five you [TS]

  have a strong feeling about projections [TS]

  to I have a strong feeling about [TS]

  projects do you mind for Western mind [TS]

  Mercator projection that is your [TS]

  question do I have a strong feeling [TS]

  about projections can't have just one [TS]

  opportunity to reframe the question for [TS]

  you go ahead [TS]

  first of all I apologize i hope you're [TS]

  satisfied with my apology [TS]

  Tom do you prefer your advisement um [TS]

  could you would you mind sharing with me [TS]

  your your preference in globe [TS]

  projections well maps to maps I mean we [TS]

  got a wall map first of all you are [TS]

  talking about maps because globes do not [TS]

  have different projections that sure [TS]

  they always popular [TS]

  well yes the problem with a projection [TS]

  is that this year's guys to be [TS]

  distortion well you're trying to put a [TS]

  around thing onto a flat surface right [TS]

  that is the problem with the projection [TS]

  you're trying to you're trying to make [TS]

  the earth [TS]

  beyond flattered but isn't accurate that [TS]

  no matter what you you basically [TS]

  choosing which kind of distortion you [TS]

  can live with right and the thing about [TS]

  a globe is that I mean there are there [TS]

  are gloves that are like less children [TS]

  travel of globes at all that but it's [TS]

  not it's not a present a problem of [TS]

  projection it's Antarctica is always the [TS]

  same size on the globe like mile for [TS]

  mile [TS]

  yes ok if it's I mean if it isn't if [TS]

  it's a real geographically accurate glow [TS]

  but isn't it doesn't like salvation [TS]

  Antarctica has been made to look bigger [TS]

  to in order to make North America look [TS]

  bigger that's racist [TS]

  yeah that is racist but there are you [TS]

  know there are a lot of projections that [TS]

  I then I hate you can you think of one [TS]

  that particularly sticks in your craw [TS]

  well the most common one the Mercator [TS]

  you don't like the volcano could you [TS]

  give me just a couple of bullets on i [TS]

  know a lot of people have a problem [TS]

  Mercator projection I don't know much [TS]

  about it [TS]

  this is the one where it splits into [TS]

  like it looks a little bit like somebody [TS]

  took out like made an orange with like [TS]

  four pieces right is that it's you know [TS]

  what I mean like a shape of an orange [TS]

  slice it kinda looks like that [TS]

  no the Mercator projection is the one [TS]

  where they have they have not made of [TS]

  stone and father with you were just two [TS]

  feet flat just like that where Greenland [TS]

  is bigger than South America is that is [TS]

  the that is the Mercator projection [TS]

  where that's the one where Alaska looks [TS]

  like a huge face on the top of a love [TS]

  like this tiny shrinking little north [TS]

  america is an inaccurate face Alaska [TS]

  does look like a face but it should [TS]

  Alaska should be and it's Alaska should [TS]

  have its nice little area i mean i like [TS]

  the like an Eckerd projection [TS]

  I mean if you're going to have a if [TS]

  you're going to have it on a flat thing [TS]

  and not have it also exploded like an [TS]

  orange peel [TS]

  uh-huh but now I you know I like I like [TS]

  a lot of like those projections where [TS]

  we're at it it makes sense where the [TS]

  earth is upside down and you look at [TS]

  doesn't have to do any less because i [TS]

  think that that you know get your mind [TS]

  thinking a little differently when you [TS]

  see the upside down [TS]

  well you can now you can approximate it [TS]

  by taking a map and turning it upside [TS]

  down [TS]

  ok so you literally ok you can do any [TS]

  map you can turn any map upside down [TS]

  you sure about that [TS]

  i'm going to say right now I'm gonna go [TS]

  on record and say any map you can turn [TS]

  upside down [TS]

  could you get on something like that [TS]

  like that like a what would that be like [TS]

  a lazy susan [TS]

  no offense I she's like a lot i like a [TS]

  lot of control [TS]

  yeah she's turns a little lazy because [TS]

  she's lazy man that doesn't understand [TS]

  her Twitter understand her Twitter I [TS]

  don't look in fact I don't follow it you [TS]

  believe that um bad bad but I don't [TS]

  not only did you look in sometimes I I [TS]

  peeking okay you know i have I you know [TS]

  what I can't get into it but if you had [TS]

  a lazy susan on your wall a vertical [TS]

  lazy susan it seems to me then that way [TS]

  you get the best of both worlds so to [TS]

  speak you get the upside down world of [TS]

  the Ainu view of the earth and then you [TS]

  can always flip it around to make sure [TS]

  you're reading romania correctly going [TS]

  or do you read upside down you can put I [TS]

  can yes you can post a you can post up a [TS]

  map on the ceiling above your bed and [TS]

  then flip it around so that you feed on [TS]

  your pillow and your head is full of the [TS]

  bend your knees and then all you're [TS]

  doing is sleeping a little different [TS]

  that's pretty good yeah well that's it [TS]

  works except I like a little space [TS]

  between the mattress and the footboard [TS]

  and if you flip it around then that's [TS]

  when you gotta move your gotta move your [TS]

  chin and sweet centerfold your report on [TS]

  the ceiling are no it's not my style [TS]

  either [TS]

  oh I did I did not ever have a of a have [TS]

  a picture of a girl in a bikini lounging [TS]

  on the hood of a Lamborghini you never [TS]

  said she had bikini [TS]

  you know the one porno e thing I ever [TS]

  hang on my wall was a very early days [TS]

  take him out not withstand a tinkerbell [TS]

  notwithstanding and actually I do have a [TS]

  picture of a naked girl my wall right [TS]

  now but she is burnt she is that it's a [TS]

  it's a playboy poster that has been [TS]

  shellacked to a piece of wood and that's [TS]

  it [TS]

  it's a good have been burned haha [TS]

  this is johnny is shiny shiny and just [TS]

  she's standing in a wheat field issues [TS]

  offers and he's burning but it's I think [TS]

  that that's got to somehow hook up with [TS]

  some buddies like three of somebody's [TS]

  very special things and says it's an [TS]

  amazing piece and it is it's almost [TS]

  life-size this girl is its practical [TS]

  skills four feet tall [TS]

  what you need is like a squeegee a [TS]

  couple seconds and you're good to go [TS]

  well I could also put legs on to make it [TS]

  a coffee [TS]

  ok it's a good out there [TS]