Roderick on the Line

Ep. 41: "In Lieu of a Laundromat"


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  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin what did you snip [TS]

  uh-huh what did you smoke him I you mean [TS]

  there's a noise [TS]

  yeah and it's held like you're falling [TS]

  onto your chair and then onto your mic [TS]

  and then I i started to laugh but then I [TS]

  ended up laughing because I thought [TS]

  maybe you're doing that old guy thing [TS]

  where you know old guys you know as you [TS]

  get older you have a way of getting into [TS]

  and out of chairs you kind of go on like [TS]

  fall into their do I DD the kick to get [TS]

  out [TS]

  do I ever yeah but your dad did the kick [TS]

  your dad's you kick it out [TS]

  no dad he was lifting checkers know [TS]

  later on in life what he did was he fell [TS]

  to the floor and work your way up [TS]

  I want but yeah but no no he always be [TS]

  with you [TS]

  mathlete my dad was good with chairs [TS]

  from united center himself get center of [TS]

  gravity and then up [TS]

  no my problem in this instance was you [TS]

  called and I was looking at something [TS]

  else and I reached for my headphones ooh [TS]

  and I I grab my coffee cup instead and I [TS]

  almost poured it on on top of my head i [TS]

  almost put my coffee cup on my head like [TS]

  it was my headphone I don't think about [TS]

  myself and what I got that could we [TS]

  please have a little bit of fanart of [TS]

  that up me exercise a small animated gif [TS]

  I was you know I was looking I was [TS]

  looking away and I reached out and [TS]

  they're everything on my desk is black [TS]

  black phone black microphone black [TS]

  headphones so right [TS]

  yeah except for my except for my bail [TS]

  which is orange your spell have an [TS]

  orange belt because it is a it is from [TS]

  old board game that involved a bell [TS]

  I don't remember the game I don't [TS]

  remember even ever playing the game but [TS]

  i got it for christmas and it had a bell [TS]

  like a type of felt it would sit on the [TS]

  aisle at the check-in of an [TS]

  old-fashioned hotel but it's painted [TS]

  orange and i would have loved it [TS]

  I've had my head up my whole I mean I [TS]

  got I got it when I was like five or [TS]

  something and I think you might be that [TS]

  old Parker Brothers game about that [TS]

  Northern Ireland game about marching [TS]

  season [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  the trouble is it's called the troubles [TS]

  right side the truck now that's funny it [TS]

  comes with the Papa matic that's yeah [TS]

  and my mind that was such a stupid like [TS]

  fake smart joke and you totally saved it [TS]

  oh my grandmother ok we're here we're [TS]

  here for each other and no way I [TS]

  absolutely feel like my grandmother you [TS]

  she a she got older you know she [TS]

  eventually pass because the Alzheimer's [TS]

  but it's funny but what I don't they [TS]

  they die old people you know it's pretty [TS]

  consistent [TS]

  yeah it's one of those things where if [TS]

  it's not Alzheimer's it's going to be [TS]

  something like me to grow in a bar like [TS]

  it's really consistent that it's just [TS]

  going to go a certain way yet so anyway [TS]

  uh long before I think we even had those [TS]

  names things were you know it is which [TS]

  names [TS]

  Oh like like you know the names of [TS]

  doctors grandmother and stuff well yeah [TS]

  we just we just back then used to call [TS]

  it not you know you don't say see now [TS]

  you say you get you know icing right [TS]

  Elsie now of course you would that's [TS]

  what we called it right now sure that as [TS]

  you it but it was it was this it was a [TS]

  slot it was a slow go look for a while [TS]

  she was still like doing lots of stuff [TS]

  in her yard and going to the store and [TS]

  everything was fine and and over time [TS]

  over a period like five to eight years [TS]

  like weirder and weirder shit started [TS]

  happening [TS]

  start walking out into the Okefenokee [TS]

  Swamp but no no we weren't finicky [TS]

  adjacent but the the main thing was she [TS]

  kept she drive over to our house and she [TS]

  would just have that's good she was [TS]

  still driving [TS]

  well you have a cute of at first small [TS]

  dents in the car right at first she was [TS]

  not aware of right and then when she saw [TS]

  it she would she would Slough it off you [TS]

  know like it was a pimple or something [TS]

  she's insurance that's that's just [TS]

  nothing Haley was hail and well because [TS]

  gonna do some very specific hail and [TS]

  then we kind of like eventually started [TS]

  to kind of take her to task on this good [TS]

  you know welcome Grammy tell us a little [TS]

  bit more about the debt and and Allah [TS]

  your headphones and black desk problem [TS]

  she always had a reason and at one point [TS]

  she did actually complain about the size [TS]

  and clarity of stop signs [TS]

  alright well that is a that's something [TS]

  we should read our congresspeople about [TS]

  yeah shake it stop signs were only twice [TS]

  as big and twice as clear [TS]

  yeah and this is just this feed all into [TS]

  your into the supertrain notion of where [TS]

  stop signs will fit into things do you [TS]

  have a solution for somebody like my [TS]

  grandmother contractor soul haha [TS]

  there shouldn't be stop signs that [TS]

  should be traffic circle but more [TS]

  importantly I think the solution to the [TS]

  problem with your grandmother yeah like [TS]

  the solution to the problem that I had [TS]

  with my dad as he got older my dad did [TS]

  not go senile and all he was sharp as a [TS]

  tack I'll too sharp but he began to [TS]

  drive his car up on the sidewalk with [TS]

  with a concerning regularity because I [TS]

  think he just stopped giving a fuck [TS]

  he was coming to an intersection at a [TS]

  you know into a like he'd make a corner [TS]

  let's say at a speed that he felt was [TS]

  appropriate and he would he just cut the [TS]

  angle who and he'd go up onto the [TS]

  sidewalk and he would I mean when I [TS]

  inherited my dad's car [TS]

  cookie cookie number two would be number [TS]

  two it had a broken axle it had the [TS]

  entire front end was wrecked it was and [TS]

  and it was the same thing i would i [TS]

  would get in his car and I'd say dad [TS]

  your car's got a weird shimmy and go [TS]

  home no it's always been like that and [TS]

  I'd say no it's not it hasn't always [TS]

  been like that i feel like i am on a I [TS]

  feel like we are driving in on a dyson [TS]

  vacuum cleaner it did there it has no [TS]

  it's not tracking the road he did what [TS]

  no notes that's how it came from the [TS]

  factory and eventually I determined that [TS]

  he was just he was he was basically one [TS]

  he was one small stroke away from [TS]

  driving through a farmers market at 65 [TS]

  miles an hour horrible and so my [TS]

  solution to your grandmother and my [TS]

  agent father and everyone's aging [TS]

  parents senile or no is that as you get [TS]

  older there you should have to take more [TS]

  frequent drivers exams it should be more [TS]

  and more difficult for you to drive [TS]

  I have a car by yourself when you are 85 [TS]

  years old this is part of the supertrain [TS]

  that is so super train this is part of [TS]

  the supertrain like a sort of [TS]

  paternalistic society that we're going [TS]

  to have where most people in the prime [TS]

  of their life are free to do whatever [TS]

  they want but when you are young and [TS]

  when you are old you are monitored more [TS]

  closely because you do not have the [TS]

  cognitive faculty to make good choices [TS]

  I've actually been thinking a lot about [TS]

  this and let like all eternity envisions [TS]

  it is ultimately truly dystopian in [TS]

  order for your sister to work it seems [TS]

  like you know Hitler thought he was [TS]

  helping a lot of people write it yeah he [TS]

  helped a lot of German people who [TS]

  and-and-and-and I so here's the thing [TS]

  that's like right now you can see if you [TS]

  set my grandmother and notice in the [TS]

  mail [TS]

  well she responded to email or she [TS]

  responded to hurt postal mail like to [TS]

  everything you can send her like a human [TS]

  they started to melt this fake FedEx [TS]

  envelopes was actually about like more [TS]

  wine and she filled out all of the all [TS]

  of w3 gotta put the green sticks with [TS]

  the green car [TS]

  alright but I guess scrape off scrape [TS]

  off the user quarter scrape off but the [TS]

  code number deep ball gosh i have so [TS]

  much to ask you about you know you know [TS]

  that you get on different sucker lists [TS]

  is what they call the industry you get [TS]

  on different truly different sucker list [TS]

  depending on how much of that shit you [TS]

  do you know that you know my dad was on [TS]

  every single one of them because at a [TS]

  certain point I feel I feel like he just [TS]

  he would get those letters in the melody [TS]

  go those guys seems kind of nice [TS]

  he said he said you know the letter said [TS]

  hey Dave know so I drove him along thing [TS]

  back and eventually it got to the point [TS]

  where he was getting three hundred phone [TS]

  calls a day from really nice women in [TS]

  their mid twenties who wanted to sell [TS]

  him a timeshare and at one point he [TS]

  bought a timeshare oh you know when he [TS]

  had this vision you know he's 87 years [TS]

  old we had this vision that he was going [TS]

  to buy a timeshare because my dad was a [TS]

  he was a little ism a liberal politician [TS]

  his whole life he didn't make a lot of [TS]

  money and a lot of his friends from [TS]

  college [TS]

  became capitalists or were born capital [TS]

  you said he advised one of his friends [TS]

  to go out and get a get a get a little [TS]

  tipsy don't sit around you said he had [TS]

  friends it wasn't his friend was one of [TS]

  his friends his brother-in-law [TS]

  ok you know my aunt had passed away and [TS]

  he was like you know you're a [TS]

  millionaire you should go get a [TS]

  girlfriend but so he's a he's a he's an [TS]

  old guy he gets it he gets into this [TS]

  state of mind that I think it happens as [TS]

  you're reflecting back on your life and [TS]

  he's thinking it he was thinking well it [TS]

  was hard for him to remember that he had [TS]

  done all these amazing things in his [TS]

  life and all he could think about was [TS]

  that he had not he didn't have any [TS]

  business to hand me down as his heir he [TS]

  wasn't able to give me the keys to our [TS]

  family laundromat or are pontiac [TS]

  dealership or whatever it is where you [TS]

  give your son something that then sets [TS]

  him up in life you know what I mean he [TS]

  got his only a request to me was that I [TS]

  used English properly and that I was [TS]

  that I could walk into a cocktail party [TS]

  and immediately established that i was [TS]

  the biggest cheese in the place where [TS]

  those those so check those were the [TS]

  things that he gave me in in lieu of a [TS]

  party activist ship or a laundromat and [TS]

  so he's 87 years always like oh I gotta [TS]

  he calls me and he says I got us their [TS]

  vacation house i will never get to [TS]

  construct an H and I said you got us a [TS]

  vacation house what and he said is great [TS]

  vacation house in to Tahiti bahama [TS]

  somewhere and I said you don't have the [TS]

  resources to have gotten us a vacation [TS]

  house what are you talking about [TS]

  you didn't buy a timeshare did you I [TS]

  don't know what that is but I got this [TS]

  thing is greater you go anytime we'll [TS]

  all go sit in this house and he so I go [TS]

  to his place and he's got these [TS]

  brochures and yes he bought a timeshare [TS]

  and he talked he had many many [TS]

  conversations with this delightful young [TS]

  woman and I review all the information [TS]

  and they've set him up in something [TS]

  where it's direct deposit [TS]

  it's taking 800 bucks out of his account [TS]

  every month you know is a complete like [TS]

  he absolutely the point at which your [TS]

  whatever your capitalist enterprises [TS]

  that's preying on old people you and [TS]

  everyone that's involved in the business [TS]

  have convinced yourself that you're [TS]

  doing you're not doing a terrible thing [TS]

  in the world you know like you're just [TS]

  trying to make a living or you are [TS]

  selling things that people want or [TS]

  whatever it is and sometimes they come [TS]

  to despise their marks your dad your dad [TS]

  was a claim Gary lead he was he [TS]

  absolutely was and I and all those [TS]

  people i could not wish I more virulent [TS]

  pox on their house but now a lot of [TS]

  those people is all people hold onto [TS]

  those records pretty well i'm thinking [TS]

  and you started going to estate sales in [TS]

  advance of supertrain officially being [TS]

  launched [TS]

  uh-huh you can start gathering you know [TS]

  the timeshares you know you know what [TS]

  the NRA says then ra says Hitler Hitler [TS]

  went through a friend who had the guns [TS]

  they had lists right [TS]

  Hitler has lists so again I don't want [TS]

  to I don't want to conflate supertrain [TS]

  with Hitler not by a long shot [TS]

  let's go here's the thing it's like [TS]

  Stalin right there's going to have to be [TS]

  an awkward period where there's a little [TS]

  bit of governmental nudging a little [TS]

  over so she say that the stalling nudged [TS]

  a little while okay now-now is another [TS]

  mud mountain lodge Stalin was much more [TS]

  of a like knock on the door the middle [TS]

  of the night kind of guy but now you [TS]

  know my aunt gave people plenty of [TS]

  opportunity to get on board his [TS]

  supertrain you've got a barbecue was [TS]

  sitting out back there's no reason you [TS]

  can't be making fucking steal you know [TS]

  about that you know he had people make [TS]

  trying to make steel in their backyard [TS]

  well yeah that's what I was thinking you [TS]

  know that that's the best thing about [TS]

  super trend is the amount of student new [TS]

  steel we're going to be producing just [TS]

  another cycling because we're going to [TS]

  be recycling rust all across America [TS]

  know what you're going to be like the [TS]

  greatest hits of the nineteen forties [TS]

  you're going to ICU creating a [TS]

  consultation 6-5000 that's the same six [TS]

  that's a great song that's my favorite [TS]

  scene in that Jimmy Stewart movie a [TS]

  great hit of the forties but anyway go [TS]

  ahead i'm sorry it's your it's your eyes [TS]

  your program [TS]

  well the thing what I ended up doing [TS]

  with this timeshare woman could click [TS]

  circle back to the Stoke it's not be [TS]

  important [TS]

  yeah i think we can but what I ended up [TS]

  doing with her was I sick my sister on [TS]

  how breath on them and i called the [TS]

  action line i really did and it was a it [TS]

  was a sight to behold it was a beautiful [TS]

  thing I insisted that I be there when [TS]

  she called them and explain to them [TS]

  patiently that she was going to but she [TS]

  was a lawyer but she's not and that he [TS]

  was a lawyer and that we were gonna sue [TS]

  everyone a thousand times if they didn't [TS]

  return all of the money and all of that [TS]

  you know like and and and written [TS]

  apology and the whole mess is in demand [TS]

  satisfaction she demanded a level of [TS]

  satisfaction that even I MNR Susan is [TS]

  able to get people on the phone who are [TS]

  the people who are trained to deal with [TS]

  hostile customers right and Susan is [TS]

  able to basically skeletonized them like [TS]

  i like it they are a cow that walked [TS]

  unknowingly into an Amazonian stream and [TS]

  they come out the other side and not [TS]

  only are they a skeleton but they are [TS]

  happy to be a skeleton and they are [TS]

  apologizing for any inconvenience their [TS]

  meat may have caused as she consumed it [TS]

  like she is she is a and extremely [TS]

  extremely not even a small town apology [TS]

  like a village like a hamlet apology [TS]

  like a truly you're saying like [TS]

  deferential deep bow bow happy smile and [TS]

  hear it not only here is a refund but [TS]

  here's interest on it and you know where [TS]

  the thing the thing about my sister [TS]

  though is that it is like unleashing its [TS]

  like unleashing the curse of the mummy [TS]

  like if you try and if you if you have [TS]

  an idea of what your [TS]

  to unleash the curse of the money on [TS]

  that may in fact you may in fact be able [TS]

  to bend to your will for that immediate [TS]

  amount of time for that immediate [TS]

  purpose but then the curse of the money [TS]

  is loose on the world like I do not I do [TS]

  not invoke my sister unless I basically [TS]

  have a scorcher spot earth policy like [TS]

  if I turn Susan loose then I have no [TS]

  every everything in this 45 degree angle [TS]

  is potentially going to be salted earth [TS]

  you think of her as kinda like a nuclear [TS]

  option she's she's a or to mix the [TS]

  metaphor a customer service commando [TS]

  like with you call her out things are [TS]

  going to break [TS]

  well but the thing is she they will they [TS]

  say it's not that they will break it's [TS]

  that it's that she she gets satisfaction [TS]

  and also at like everyone is hugging at [TS]

  the end it's not like me when I walked [TS]

  out of that that that north face store [TS]

  I think they probably turned the sign to [TS]

  closed and spent the rest of the day [TS]

  like in the back like having an employee [TS]

  meeting at you like you're not inviting [TS]

  cats that an encounter session where it [TS]

  was just like let's all talk about this [TS]

  let's get this out [TS]

  talk about what happened it's like the [TS]

  Columbine of backpacks whereas with my [TS]

  sister at the end they are exchanging [TS]

  phone numbers because they're going to [TS]

  go snowboarding later like she she [TS]

  really she she converts the whole thing [TS]

  until they feel like I've watched my [TS]

  sister in a train station in Europe [TS]

  haven't haven't exchanged with gypsy [TS]

  pickpockets where the Gypsy pickpockets [TS]

  returned the pickpocketed goods and then [TS]

  there was there were hugs all around now [TS]

  I don't know if you have if our [TS]

  listeners have had a lot of experience [TS]

  with gypsies who pickpocket they like [TS]

  because aroma or little Elliot's you're [TS]

  absolutely correct they prefer to be [TS]

  called drama but for the sake of [TS]

  evidence they stole the name from Italy [TS]

  for the sake of clarity no no it's the [TS]

  other way around [TS]

  ok but but but but yes Susan somehow but [TS]

  the thing is once it gets happening it's [TS]

  like it'sit's there's a there's a it's a [TS]

  it's but it's a viral [TS]

  sensation Susan once you turn her loose [TS]

  you better have also have a stack of [TS]

  bills that you want to contest because [TS]

  she you really have to you have to turn [TS]

  that power in a direction otherwise [TS]

  she'll just be she'll be calling [TS]

  customer service agents just for the [TS]

  thrill of hearing that she's like dark [TS]

  phoenix sheet now she's got a little bit [TS]

  of that energy and now she can't stop [TS]

  you can she's going to keep settling [TS]

  thanks for the rest of the day that's [TS]

  right that's that'sthat's I I think [TS]

  everybody needs a person like the first [TS]

  of all can I say kudos to Susan I wish I [TS]

  had that in me I don't as you know yeah [TS]

  I know [TS]

  well I've mentioned my friend people're [TS]

  before back from vaca Tallahassee and my [TS]

  friend Davies khan action line because [TS]

  if you ever needed anything done and you [TS]

  had exhausted [TS]

  it was beyond but arms bugs me yeah kind [TS]

  of I mean it started out real nice [TS]

  because people's real civil at first [TS]

  yeah but the thing is you know what you [TS]

  here's your chance you know what I mean [TS]

  this is your chance we can do this we [TS]

  can do this like gentlemen and I can [TS]

  settle this it's easy way or the hard [TS]

  way [TS]

  right right now and he was going to and [TS]

  of course like you said you're dealing [TS]

  with scoundrels you're dealing with [TS]

  people who spend all day basically [TS]

  trying to destroy people and like Susan [TS]

  and more amateur level these people they [TS]

  probably do something to it when I was a [TS]

  telemarketer I was a horrible human [TS]

  being i took a certain amount of joy and [TS]

  the awfulness of my job that's how you [TS]

  survive in their case they're sitting [TS]

  around trying to screw all people like [TS]

  my grandmother my grandmother you tell [TS]

  my grandmother my late grandmother tell [TS]

  her you're a Christian and she'll do [TS]

  anything for you [TS]

  she tried to refinance her house in [TS]

  order to have it painted right right [TS]

  this is the kind of thing that we do so [TS]

  you called someone IP and fashion line [TS]

  comes in i talked to my dad when I when [TS]

  I finally took his car away I said I [TS]

  said that that's what do you need a car [TS]

  for 87 years old what do you need what [TS]

  do you do in your car [TS]

  he said I got a lot of things i do i go [TS]

  run errands I so what errands do you do [TS]

  I on the drugstore [TS]

  yeah alright well we can handle getting [TS]

  you to the drugstore a couple of times a [TS]

  week [TS]

  what else what else you need the car for [TS]

  well I go to the mechanic [TS]

  to go to its to get out of the car [TS]

  mechanic to get the car that doesn't [TS]

  have a broken axle looked at things yeah [TS]

  i gotta how often do you want a mechanic [TS]

  Oh once a week you go to the car [TS]

  mechanic once a week and that's one of [TS]

  the things you need a car for he was [TS]

  going to this guy who was quote-unquote [TS]

  fixing his car [TS]

  ah and it was some you know local guy [TS]

  who he figured out he had a live one and [TS]

  my dad was just going down there to talk [TS]

  to him about the news of the day or talk [TS]

  about baseball and he would put the car [TS]

  up on the jack he surely saw that it had [TS]

  a broken axle and a you know he'd put [TS]

  the car up there and put new air in the [TS]

  tires and charging 400 bucks not given a [TS]

  johnson rod it's a you know this is the [TS]

  thing I I when I went on that screen [TS]

  several years ago against the the [TS]

  Firestone Tire Company III don't know [TS]

  about discrete oh well it was one it was [TS]

  in fact i think it was my first is to be [TS]

  with you could trust you could firestone [TS]

  it could save your life this is [TS]

  equipment that could save your life [TS]

  I took this car the self-same car which [TS]

  has a has a book value probably a [TS]

  probably 18 hundred dollars and which my [TS]

  family if you take all the members of my [TS]

  family and that that have had possession [TS]

  of this car at one time or another we [TS]

  have probably put 40 grand into into [TS]

  fixing that the the car the number of [TS]

  times it has been like should demolished [TS]

  by my dad and then put you know paste it [TS]

  back into shape my I think right now at [TS]

  this very moment my mom is driving this [TS]

  same car down the street but I took I [TS]

  took it to this firestone in north [TS]

  seattle and they repaired it at great [TS]

  expense and I got in the car started the [TS]

  car put it into gear and it made a sound [TS]

  like if you through see gravel into a [TS]

  blender and I and I turn the car off and [TS]

  i walked very slowly back into the got [TS]

  into the office and I said I don't think [TS]

  that you have fixed the car and the [TS]

  manager said very patiently to me like [TS]

  I'm sorry sir what is the problem [TS]

  I was like why don't you come outside [TS]

  and you start the car and tell me what [TS]

  you think the problem is when he starts [TS]

  the car that makes this horrible sounds [TS]

  like code here and I said yes so you [TS]

  called me down here to come pick up this [TS]

  car and no one in your organization [TS]

  thought to put a key in it and started [TS]

  to see that it was ready and repair and [TS]

  he immediately started taking this car [TS]

  taking an approach with me that he had [TS]

  been clearly trained to do by some [TS]

  corporate disaster preparedness person [TS]

  where they were like when a customer [TS]

  becomes hostile you should immediately [TS]

  review no retreat into a very [TS]

  condescending manner and you should [TS]

  immediately start to you know be on [TS]

  guard and if the person uses profanity [TS]

  here's what you say and so you know the [TS]

  guy says to me well i mean i think we [TS]

  can get in and we can get it done by a [TS]

  two week from next Tuesday or something [TS]

  like that and I said you have got to be [TS]

  shitting me and the guy says to me I [TS]

  swear to you sir there's no need to use [TS]

  profanity boy and I was so covered in a [TS]

  thousand layers of desire to firebomb [TS]

  the business while it was open and full [TS]

  of customers like I was looking around [TS]

  for saving them you're singing him i was [TS]

  going to be saving everyone in this [TS]

  neighborhood by emulating them in this [TS]

  firestone rather than live another [TS]

  moment in a world where this asshole has [TS]

  any authority over me and that whether [TS]

  or not I can drive away in my car and so [TS]

  it was the first tweet storm i ever did [TS]

  I had that I've been on Twitter for a [TS]

  year so I had never if it had never [TS]

  occurred to me to tweet storm before but [TS]

  I started sending out tweets like like [TS]

  that [TS]

  firestone the company [TS]

  are uh like abortion providers and puppy [TS]

  killers and child rapists and I went I [TS]

  went on for a day and it was it was it [TS]

  was very exciting firestone hashtag [TS]

  firestone became a trending topic that [TS]

  day because other people join me in the [TS]

  fun and uh I did not get any corporate [TS]

  satisfaction and I don't think at the [TS]

  time [TS]

  firestone had a dedicated Twitter [TS]

  monitor so it wasn't like when I when I [TS]

  tweet storm the hell no tellin and I [TS]

  started getting emails right away and [TS]

  then frantic knocks on my hotel room [TS]

  door but i do feel like i do feel like [TS]

  on that particular day I cost firestone [TS]

  a little bit i took a little bit out it [TS]

  maybe it is a complete impotent [TS]

  it's a completely into the impotent [TS]

  position but i do believe in my heart of [TS]

  hearts that I have affected their [TS]

  business permanently to the tune of the [TS]

  eighteen hundred dollars that i spent [TS]

  there let me encourage anyone anyone [TS]

  listening to the show to never patronize [TS]

  a firestone they are well like I say [TS]

  abortions and baby killer fresh human [TS]

  blood not even baby killers in the sense [TS]

  of aborting babies who are babies [TS]

  not yet but they actually happens [TS]

  actually kill live babies all the ones [TS]

  they wanted [TS]

  that's right ah cheese babies that were [TS]

  wanted [TS]

  yeah firestone will kill them that's [TS]

  totally unacceptable baby seals who are [TS]

  shitty company run by shitty people who [TS]

  have a shitty policy about how to deal [TS]

  with people who use the word shit in a [TS]

  income in a conversational use of the [TS]

  word shit like I know that the guys [TS]

  working in the firestone occasionally [TS]

  use the word shit right like if they are [TS]

  turning a wrench and they hurt [TS]

  themselves [TS]

  even the most Christian of them is going [TS]

  to say shit periodically because they're [TS]

  there grease monkeys who they are a [TS]

  swearing class grease monkeys are [TS]

  swearing class this is this is not so [TS]

  different because he's not so different [TS]

  from what we were talking about last [TS]

  week with sarah know right [TS]

  the thing is the ncu you run into [TS]

  something they go they go home to [TS]

  something something you do you want to [TS]

  play that is that the things that we're [TS]

  going to do here i'm coming to you and [TS]

  I'm telling you that this is fucked up [TS]

  i'm telling you that you fucked [TS]

  something up and you have a chance right [TS]

  this is like the whole tylenol thing [TS]

  right right now I'm gonna make it about [TS]

  me using profanity instead of how you [TS]

  and your business and fucked me royally [TS]

  go out of out of three days of my life [TS]

  absolutely and they go you go out and [TS]

  they did they go by as and put stickers [TS]

  on Nascars and they make beer koozies [TS]

  and shit and then do that all day long [TS]

  but then I just happened down my friend [TS]

  Heather who's of a very successful [TS]

  well-known blogger she got a she got a [TS]

  look at it is haha she has nine [TS]

  Backhouse job i wish i had a cough but [TS]

  nine bedroom house my bedroom house [TS]

  yeah so she has been well-known blogger [TS]

  here's the thing she she was patient and [TS]

  she was kind somebody had i think was a [TS]

  washer and dryer that she had gotten and [TS]

  she you put yourself in this position [TS]

  John you would you have done that if you [TS]

  had 20 followers know this i wish i was [TS]

  a successful and well-known blogger [TS]

  anyway you know how to monetize my blog [TS]

  20 monetizing right now John me [TS]

  personally right now [TS]

  yeah mm we can monetize this for [TS]

  monetizing a little bit [TS]

  you see I mean we're going to me was in [TS]

  the same position you and I have been [TS]

  just that she tried to be the girl [TS]

  version of a gentleman and she said look [TS]

  guys I bought this doesn't work you [TS]

  gotta you gotta fix this and she she [TS]

  went through it yeah i can find this [TS]

  link for you go back to fight but she [TS]

  was really cool about it but they didn't [TS]

  realize successful blogger the way I and [TS]

  now I think she didn't even I think I [TS]

  don't even think she tried to play that [TS]

  particular card 1.5 million followers [TS]

  and she and associated pull out your [TS]

  Klout score well what you come in with [TS]

  twitter twitter [TS]

  bomb Twitter storm with 22 feet stormy [TS]

  out she went happy go Jackie on that [TS]

  shit [TS]

  mm and you know what they did they get [TS]

  the anti hilton they say she made them [TS]

  look so bad and got so many people [TS]

  Marshall on her side because you've been [TS]

  there like everybody's been there you've [TS]

  been in that situation of saying like [TS]

  look I play your little game I waited [TS]

  for you to do the phone call I thought [TS]

  on RMA like I did all the things blotter [TS]

  blog and your fucking stonewalling me [TS]

  because you think I will stop right [TS]

  that's what's happening in the firestone [TS]

  training seminar all those fucks stains [TS]

  think that they are being trained to do [TS]

  if they wait long enough [TS]

  John Roderick what will put his foot is [TS]

  a put his tail between his legs and [TS]

  balance crap out of there and then come [TS]

  back again like like like Dave did ya [TS]

  frustrated I'll I'll go I'll go away and [TS]

  then I'll come back and pay my bill [TS]

  politely and feel ashamed for myself [TS]

  that I that I said pooh yeah what was [TS]

  the resolution at the hilton thing and I [TS]

  seem to remember that use never really [TS]

  got satisfaction and when I asked you [TS]

  about he said see like you're still [TS]

  frustrated that nothing had really come [TS]

  of it [TS]

  no no it's not that I didn't get [TS]

  satisfaction I uh the the entire concept [TS]

  of the cloud score and the tweet storm [TS]

  to me is a case of the corporate world [TS]

  has figured out that people do this that [TS]

  that if you're dissatisfied with how [TS]

  your your your hotel room is prepared [TS]

  that they can contact you on the side [TS]

  I'll tweet you from their corporate [TS]

  account now say hey follow us so we can [TS]

  DM you [TS]

  nice try and then they'd emu and they [TS]

  say hey sorry about the problem how can [TS]

  we make it up to you how about a free [TS]

  night in a hotel and so what they are [TS]

  offering you is to provide you the [TS]

  service that you originally contracted [TS]

  them to provide which is a night in a [TS]

  hotel didn't trying to trying to placate [TS]

  you with nothing like it you with [TS]

  nothing and ninety-nine percent of the [TS]

  people out there and this is the whole [TS]

  business of cloud and and this kind of [TS]

  similar attempts to to you know to every [TS]

  time you say that somebody in 1965 [TS]

  saying beetles like an old guy going [TS]

  it's like like our music teacher at New [TS]

  College anytime you want to sound [TS]

  currents a talking heads [TS]

  yeah Beatles here's the thing is the [TS]

  problem that you got the clouds the [TS]

  thing [TS]

  but month but ninety-nine percent of the [TS]

  people that I see on the internet who [TS]

  start a kind of like hey Delta Airlines [TS]

  you screwed up my reservation and then [TS]

  Delta Airlines comes back and goes all [TS]

  sorry [TS]

  how about we upgrade you on the honor on [TS]

  your next flight and then people like I [TS]

  got satisfaction [TS]

  oh my god these guys are so great i was [TS]

  so mad and now so bad and they're so [TS]

  great there so responsive and my feeling [TS]

  about it is that was then this was the [TS]

  thing in the hilton hotel in this is the [TS]

  thing in the firestone like I am [TS]

  contracting them i'm paying them to do [TS]

  to provide me a certain service and I am [TS]

  NOT an unreasonable person and let's say [TS]

  you spaced it [TS]

  let's say your credit card didn't work [TS]

  let's say for whatever reason something [TS]

  went wrong [TS]

  do you think that they would just go [TS]

  that's cool let its Kate yeah that they [TS]

  have worked out every single aspect of [TS]

  all of that fine print and you start a [TS]

  thing that says basically i agree to be [TS]

  fucked [TS]

  yeah and if and if you said oh how about [TS]

  if I make it up to you by paying you the [TS]

  money tomorrow [TS]

  like it's not gonna work so my field my [TS]

  feeling about the power of social media [TS]

  is that at a certain point I am no [TS]

  longer working for the possibility of [TS]

  that company rectifying their mistake [TS]

  and now all of my energy is going into a [TS]

  kind of scarlet letter that i want to [TS]

  brand that business with that says I my [TS]

  the satisfaction i'm going to get now is [TS]

  not the satisfaction of you making it up [TS]

  to me it is the satisfaction i'm going [TS]

  to get out of spending a day of my life [TS]

  publicly hating you and watching you [TS]

  twist on the line and the Hilton Hotel [TS]

  sent a guy to my door they state they [TS]

  found my my personal email and were [TS]

  frantically emailing me to stop instead [TS]

  of just fucking fixing it [TS]

  they were tweeting me well they tried [TS]

  the thing is I got into my hotel room [TS]

  and it smells like an abattoir and I [TS]

  call down to the front desk and I said [TS]

  I'm sorry I asked for a room and you [TS]

  have obviously put me in a place where [TS]

  they put your sheet can you move me to a [TS]

  room that does not smell like this and [TS]

  they gave me a bunch of bullshit and I [TS]

  was like I'm not coming back down to the [TS]

  front desk [TS]

  I [TS]

  not going through any I'm not jumping [TS]

  through a single hoop i'm going to sit [TS]

  here in this room not touching any [TS]

  surfaces until you send a person my door [TS]

  with a key to a different room and they [TS]

  were they responded they sent a guide in [TS]

  my door with a key to a new room which [TS]

  was to a room down the hall on the same [TS]

  floor where they had been butchering [TS]

  sheep and my new room was no better than [TS]

  the last night a solution and I ends at [TS]

  that point i said i have given you the [TS]

  opportunity you have you you've blown it [TS]

  and now you coming to my door and [TS]

  offering to put me in the bridal suite [TS]

  on the 15th floor is not a solution that [TS]

  is that is like an that's you tried to [TS]

  plug a hole in the dike know the bridal [TS]

  suite in this case you're not talking [TS]

  about the one down the hallway single [TS]

  you had your chance and you blew it once [TS]

  when the guy came to my door after i [TS]

  started tweeting about it he was like [TS]

  sir I understand there's a problem and I [TS]

  was like well and iced out through the [TS]

  door [TS]

  yeah there's a problem I call down to [TS]

  the front you said you put me in a [TS]

  different room and it's just as bad as [TS]

  the last and he was like well if you'll [TS]

  come to the door sir I think we can [TS]

  rectify this situation food and I said [TS]

  now and I said like how I'm coming to [TS]

  the door you send your jackbooted thugs [TS]

  to my my hotel room door but instead you [TS]

  slide the new key under the door and [TS]

  then call me when you're downstairs and [TS]

  so eventually i said to the customer [TS]

  service rep who was based in Houston [TS]

  those who was sending me you know five [TS]

  emails a day how do we make this right i [TS]

  said here's how you make it writes [TS]

  what's one week in hawaii at the hilton [TS]

  honolulu and waikiki that is how you [TS]

  make it right you just you just hit my [TS]

  big fat fuckin button and you know [TS]

  okay here's the thing it is hotelshotels [TS]

  big-time restaurants sometimes it's not [TS]

  you know what mine is mine is exactly [TS]

  thought so fucking angry maybe you're [TS]

  mad right now all are here how mad you [TS]

  are you know what you just you just [TS]

  unleashed a dragon [TS]

  I did you just hiding the bag i'm gonna [TS]

  yngwie all over your first class [TS]

  are you always finding great articles on [TS]

  the web you love to read but just don't [TS]

  have the time [TS]

  instapaper saves webpages for reading [TS]

  later for ipad iphone android kindle you [TS]

  can read when you're waiting on line [TS]

  riding the bus eating breakfast or lying [TS]

  in bed you can even read offline great [TS]

  for when you're on a plane or the subway [TS]

  and don't have an internet connection [TS]

  pages are shown without clutter or [TS]

  distractions you can adjust the text to [TS]

  a comfortable size and font and much [TS]

  more read more and read better by [TS]

  reading later with instapaper get it now [TS]

  instapaper dot-com or search for [TS]

  instapaper in the app store [TS]

  what is your beef Merlin Mann okay first [TS]

  of all here's how is your seatbelts [TS]

  here's how here's how we should British [TS]

  people who are listening to this program [TS]

  is how it should go you call down to the [TS]

  desk and you say I'm not pleased with my [TS]

  room it's not clean and it's stinky [TS]

  yes you don't even have to ask for [TS]

  anything and you know what they say they [TS]

  say I'm terribly sorry we'll take care [TS]

  of it immediately and what they what [TS]

  they do here is what they do they call [TS]

  you right back and say okay we're [TS]

  putting you in the Pope suite at the top [TS]

  floor in just a minute in just a minute [TS]

  our best Bell person is going to come to [TS]

  your room [TS]

  our top bell guy top bellman is going to [TS]

  help personnel lady beltron is going to [TS]

  it's going to come down and personally [TS]

  move your luggage up there you're going [TS]

  to get a free meal tonight and there [TS]

  will be a bottle of wine that you're not [TS]

  going to drink because you don't drink [TS]

  that's what we're going to do and you [TS]

  know what you don't do here's the [TS]

  problem [TS]

  hey you know what it smells like a [TS]

  fucking sheep abattoir in here sir [TS]

  what do you want me to do about that you [TS]

  are in the service industry fucktard you [TS]

  take care of it you're telling me you [TS]

  work in a hotel and you don't know how [TS]

  to take somebody take care of somebody [TS]

  who's unhappy about the hotel the guy [TS]

  the guy that i called at the front desk [TS]

  said well we're really busy down here at [TS]

  the front desk that was almost all and i [TS]

  said i'm aware that you're busy at the [TS]

  front desk because i only moments ago [TS]

  waited in line for a half an hour to get [TS]

  checked into my hotel room while you [TS]

  guys played fucking tiddlywinks and and [TS]

  we're doing a like words with friends or [TS]

  whatever the fuck you are doing instead [TS]

  of [TS]

  instead of checking people into the room [TS]

  so I know how busy it is down there that [TS]

  does not bear markets are about to get a [TS]

  lot busier I am across the threshold now [TS]

  i am in my room i am a customer now i'm [TS]

  not some i'm not some dope waiting in [TS]

  line to be a customer i am ensconce tan [TS]

  just version now your only customer [TS]

  that's right i am the only thing in your [TS]

  mind right now get up here and put me in [TS]

  the Pope sweet and they put me in the [TS]

  baby took me out of the place where they [TS]

  stored the dead ton's and they put me [TS]

  down the hall in the room where they [TS]

  expect me to sleep inside a dead [TS]

  tauntaun and I was not prepared to do [TS]

  that I I i hope that I i just put this [TS]

  way John I'm not asking for a favor here [TS]

  yeah I hope that someday I hope that [TS]

  someday i earned the right to be on [TS]

  something like the supertrain board if [TS]

  you don't kill me which I certainly [TS]

  deserve but here's the thing that you [TS]

  have a place there now can make that the [TS]

  table [TS]

  here's here's how this works yeah your [TS]

  problem [TS]

  firestone guy guy now your problem is [TS]

  you drive its you you tried to do or we [TS]

  or social media douche you try [TS]

  containment way too late [TS]

  that's right containment is you take [TS]

  care of it as soon as I say something [TS]

  that's right and if you want me to be [TS]

  the guy who says oh thank you for da me [TS]

  on twitter you know what you're much [TS]

  more likely to get that if you agree [TS]

  that you fucked up apologize for it and [TS]

  then fix it by exceeding my expectations [TS]

  as I don't ask don't ask me what you can [TS]

  do to make it right you know she didn't [TS]

  make it rising shit out do everything [TS]

  that you do is to the guy in houston i [TS]

  was like what are you empowered to [TS]

  easton that's my question like are you [TS]

  some mid-level guy who's empowered to [TS]

  give me a night in a hotel because if [TS]

  you are fuck you if you are some guy in [TS]

  Houston who is sitting in a wood-paneled [TS]

  officer you are empowered to and you [TS]

  empowered to fly paris hilton out here [TS]

  to give me a handy while she sucks my [TS]

  toes then get on the phone she's very [TS]

  live this happen is yelling we urge [TS]

  people i want to encourage this is what [TS]

  i did on on Twitter that day was [TS]

  encouraged people who have 500 Twitter [TS]

  followers who have a hundred and fifteen [TS]

  Twitter followers [TS]

  to also not sell their good name too [TS]

  cheaply don't do not sell your [TS]

  satisfaction for a gift bag of hand [TS]

  lotion like say no you know what for [TS]

  today you have fucked up and it is more [TS]

  gratifying to me to punish you and to [TS]

  put your social media people to work so [TS]

  that maybe this is going to end up the [TS]

  the printout of this exchange is going [TS]

  to end up on some managers desk like I [TS]

  think in the long run that's going to [TS]

  have a more profound effect then if the [TS]

  guy who whose job it is to give people [TS]

  free hotel rooms give somebody a free [TS]

  hotel room who he gets to check the box [TS]

  that he did his job today his boss [TS]

  checks his box that he did his job today [TS]

  and and you're still sitting in a room [TS]

  that smells like sheep guts and it's [TS]

  like or maybe you're in the Pope sweet [TS]

  by that point but but it all is just [TS]

  running a little too smoothly and we all [TS]

  need to stand a fort [TS]

  the-the-the coming mediocrity storm and [TS]

  say pasta who enough i will not be [TS]

  placated by someone whose job it is by [TS]

  someone who has only the authority to [TS]

  placate me and nothing else to make no [TS]

  noise use words neville chamberlain this [TS]

  is about so much more than an abattoir [TS]

  hotel room this goes so much further [TS]

  than that this is there there is another [TS]

  it's not even purely about satisfaction [TS]

  it's certainly not about hotel rooms [TS]

  it's about a slippery slope in which we [TS]

  slide under and deeper into into letting [TS]

  these people have some kind of private [TS]

  fuck up all right ru ru chamberlain or [TS]

  are you a Churchill you know where we'll [TS]

  fight them on the beaches who will find [TS]

  them in the air will never surrender her [TS]

  oh my God he's so fucking angry I I my [TS]

  problem is I don't have any staying [TS]

  power [TS]

  like I i will the thing is i will burn [TS]

  and i will have a little steam i will [TS]

  steam in one case in one case i think i [TS]

  mentioned that the google me episode III [TS]

  actually did go to the business computer [TS]

  and look up the name of everybody on the [TS]

  board [TS]

  I want to their pages i found out their [TS]

  email addresses and I i think the depths [TS]

  of my douchiness was me walking up to [TS]

  the desk of the person who had wronged [TS]

  me the previous day and pulling out what [TS]

  not know that look like is about 10 [TS]

  sheets of paper but it was really too [TS]

  and I flipped through a very casual and [TS]

  I said is is robert lewis jr still the [TS]

  hospitality director for the name of [TS]

  parent corporation [TS]

  yes Ellen NEC is he still on pico down [TS]

  in santa monica is that correct or [TS]

  whatever whatever you were threatening [TS]

  them with the with implications they [TS]

  might have actually acted like I was [TS]

  talking on the phone to we're talking to [TS]

  your wallet my wallet my wallet where [TS]

  they have already put ever put a hold on [TS]

  my cards all brother [TS]

  well you know that the thing is that i [TS]

  have always felt that denying yourself [TS]

  gratification is and it is probably the [TS]

  most important training exercise you can [TS]

  do you need to sit in your place [TS]

  wherever you are right now and the thing [TS]

  that you want the most [TS]

  you want to try and deny yourself that [TS]

  thing this is a core value for you [TS]

  that's right and the more that you are [TS]

  able to sit in a place where you really [TS]

  want something and deny yourself that [TS]

  thing even if that thing is the [TS]

  satisfaction of sending somebody an [TS]

  angry email or you know somebody had [TS]

  somebody uh wrote me an email the other [TS]

  day that was that the email from there [TS]

  should have been an apology but what the [TS]

  email said was you are a wee we [TS]

  shouldn't hang out right now because [TS]

  you're too unstable and I'm too unstable [TS]

  right and I was like well no in fact I'm [TS]

  not unstable at all [TS]

  you really fucked up in this situation [TS]

  and i agree we shouldn't hang out right [TS]

  now but the reason is that you fucked up [TS]

  and owe me an apology and the end to [TS]

  write me a thing that says we shouldn't [TS]

  hang out right now because we're both [TS]

  too fucked up is it demanded a response [TS]

  from me and as I started to compose the [TS]

  response where i explain to the person [TS]

  that they were fucked up and that I was [TS]

  not fucked up I realized that there was [TS]

  no that my endgame was but i had no [TS]

  endgame no no this is where you get on [TS]

  your phone [TS]

  he said listen I'm standing in front of [TS]

  Sal's please deliver a large truck full [TS]

  of chairs and a bunch of matches and [TS]

  gasoline i'm taking my clothes off get [TS]

  here as soon as you can and so I i [TS]

  realized that this was a situation where [TS]

  i needed to deny myself the thing I [TS]

  wanted most of which in this case was to [TS]

  reply to this person to retort and to [TS]

  say no bullshit fuck you and I I needed [TS]

  to I kept saying to myself like you say [TS]

  to a dog I kept saying leave it leave it [TS]

  leave it leave it and it would pop into [TS]

  my head i would go but guy did this [TS]

  cannot stand this person's this person's [TS]

  fucked upness cannot stand it needs to [TS]

  be called out by me and then I was like [TS]

  leave it leave it leave it leave it and [TS]

  I I say that to myself so much in the [TS]

  course of a day [TS]

  leave it leave it and what that does is [TS]

  it trains me to go all the way through a [TS]

  process like the one with the hilton [TS]

  hotel where there are a thousand [TS]

  opportunities to like get a kind of [TS]

  cheap satisfaction a cheap like oh oh [TS]

  I'm gonna come all I came who and to say [TS]

  no i am not going to come drink water [TS]

  and you sit and read the Bible I'm gonna [TS]

  sit here wanted I just build it up I'm [TS]

  gonna sit here on my fucking carpet of [TS]

  nails and i am going to i'm going to [TS]

  cultivate this peak that I'm in until I [TS]

  am a bit until i have a diamond point [TS]

  and now i'm not going to i'm not going [TS]

  to satisfy you get a lot accomplished [TS]

  while you're doing that [TS]

  oh well yeah you don't know because I [TS]

  mean that thing is to make a diamond [TS]

  point in a hotel room that takes a lot [TS]

  of focus it does and what the what I'm [TS]

  accomplishing is that I am climbing a [TS]

  ladder and it is not the it is not the [TS]

  Buddhist ladder of enlightenment i have [TS]

  no doubt that when I if there is [TS]

  reincarnation when I am reincarnated in [TS]

  my next life that it's going to be [TS]

  something it's going to be a very [TS]

  oblique angle into my next form you know [TS]

  what I mean I'm not working my way into [TS]

  a higher frame necessarily there's going [TS]

  to be it's going to go through a prism [TS]

  and i'm going to come out the other side [TS]

  as like a box of Cracker Jacks i'm going [TS]

  to come out the other side as a wave [TS]

  like a solitary wave on the ocean [TS]

  I don't know what's gonna happen to come [TS]

  back as a wave i'm going to come back as [TS]

  a wave i'm gonna come back I'm gonna [TS]

  come back as a wind [TS]

  I don't know what it's gonna be but it [TS]

  was you self aware i have no way of [TS]

  knowing whether the wind is self-aware I [TS]

  i had some encounters with wind where [TS]

  I'm like you've got to be fucking [TS]

  kidding me right now your time is bad [TS]

  I know what you're doing you are you are [TS]

  working on me and I'm not I'm I'm not [TS]

  gonna I'm not going to sit here and [TS]

  pretend that you're just some wind up on [TS]

  the wind [TS]

  you are a wind that is you are a wind [TS]

  that is acting within with a kind of [TS]

  agency and maybe that is somebody like [TS]

  me who to who died a hundred years ago [TS]

  who came back as the wind [TS]

  I don't know this is this is not so far [TS]

  off the not a problem problem like when [TS]

  something the whole I can you know what [TS]

  he said last time you say thank you say [TS]

  not a problem [TS]

  well you know part of it is you sit [TS]

  there and you got eaten my room now you [TS]

  know the first one of the first things I [TS]

  do in my room addition to putting on [TS]

  gloves and a mask is like you and all [TS]

  your hotel room all the marketing [TS]

  materials anything that's got a logo on [TS]

  it that i can tear off with something it [TS]

  all goes into the lowest drawer and I [TS]

  don't include the water always check my [TS]

  bill because they bill me for the water [TS]

  that I didn't have [TS]

  whoa already went to the water I don't [TS]

  see any of I don't see any logos I don't [TS]

  see anything all goes in the door if i [TS]

  were to sit down to read that though I [TS]

  read so much about their luxurious [TS]

  service and how they take care of and so [TS]

  on and so on something but then i sent [TS]

  you a link that data Boyd was you know [TS]

  she travels a lot she always goes to the [TS]

  same brand of hotels and she had this [TS]

  sizzling blog post and tweet bomb about [TS]

  this [TS]

  do you know how bad they oversell hotels [TS]

  the Oversoul hotels and the answer to [TS]

  her was for some airplanes she got there [TS]

  yeah yeah and she got there and they're [TS]

  like oh we're oversold we're gonna put [TS]

  you on a bus essentially and drive you [TS]

  to another party town even though she [TS]

  got there early she's gonna do her work [TS]

  for a presentation tomorrow you know at [TS]

  NB and be like in the building with [TS]

  where things going to be oh no we're [TS]

  gonna we're gonna put you were gonna [TS]

  take you over to start 13 yeah which is [TS]

  not as nice that's happened to me in [TS]

  Argentina one time I was in Buenos RS [TS]

  and I showed up to my luxury hotel it [TS]

  was during I swear to you one of those [TS]

  rolling stones concerts where they play [TS]

  for a million people right and it's a [TS]

  thing where the the last 500 containing [TS]

  these love big stadiums they do the last [TS]

  550,000 people are watching it on a [TS]

  video screen and it's a time delay where [TS]

  the the the riff is getting to you like [TS]

  11 minutes after it was played anyway [TS]

  the city is completely sold out and it's [TS]

  sold out and it's full of South American [TS]

  Rolling Stones fans and I show up my [TS]

  luxury hotel in there like sorry [TS]

  oversold lo siento [TS]

  and I said whoa what you mean you're [TS]

  sorry and they were and the guy looked [TS]

  at me he was very well-dressed arginine [TS]

  other very good dressers likely arjun [TS]

  times they're extremely extremely [TS]

  fashion-conscious he was a very handsome [TS]

  young man and he looked at me over the [TS]

  over the desk and he was very very clear [TS]

  that he was not in the least bit sorry [TS]

  and oh i had a like he should have just [TS]

  said he should have just said you know [TS]

  what dude I can't help you [TS]

  yeah he and basically so much worse he [TS]

  said there's a hotel somewhere that i [TS]

  can get you to that's over somewhere [TS]

  else and it's not as good as this one [TS]

  and something something that's the [TS]

  that's the deal and anyway next year in [TS]

  a way here in a way it was refreshing [TS]

  because he did not he did not attempt he [TS]

  did not offer me a solution that was not [TS]

  a solution [TS]

  he said this is the deal you are [TS]

  arriving here at too late [TS]

  basically we sold a bunch of hotel rooms [TS]

  and then everybody got here before you [TS]

  so maybe that's your problem but this is [TS]

  South America my friend and we are not [TS]

  we're not we're not pretending that this [TS]

  is fine and that this is going to be [TS]

  fine with you were that we care you're [TS]

  never coming back here [TS]

  eat shit so what you do i went to a [TS]

  restaurant and had a delicious steak [TS]

  house they got lots of steak there and [TS]

  then I said you know what I'm gonna I [TS]

  don't even need to be and whereas ours [TS]

  what am I doing here and i went to put [TS]

  down the road now it's a different site [TS]

  was I doing ping-pong there is an [TS]

  Argentine where they put the soccer [TS]

  stadiums to use method is using that was [TS]

  somewhere else [TS]

  Oh what are you you are you talking [TS]

  about the different places where they [TS]

  disappeared people wasn't yeah that's [TS]

  right they just brought the sedo to them [TS]

  oh that sounds terrible it was terrible [TS]

  yeah you know the thing about [TS]

  Argentina's it's not some Banana [TS]

  Republic it's a it's a real and [TS]

  grapefruit Republic around eating steak [TS]

  Republic it's a gaucho Republic they [TS]

  have here when you're there you feel [TS]

  like you are in spain which actually [TS]

  also disappeared a lot of people there [TS]

  in the 20th century [TS]

  actually you know what the Holocaust [TS]

  could happen anywhere at anytime the [TS]

  monsters inside of a see how that [TS]

  totally struck me do it today I'm [TS]

  sitting on i'm sitting on pins and [TS]

  needles here in my chair because the [TS]

  blue angels are here haha we get the [TS]

  Blue Angels it's awful seven thirty in [TS]

  the morning fucking strengthening our [TS]

  house waking my daughter [TS]

  yeah they go everywhere [TS]

  uh I'm a I'm a fan of the blue angels [TS]

  i'm a fan of them because i like the [TS]

  technology of super fast jets i'm a fan [TS]

  of them also because that experience [TS]

  that you're having of being strafed in [TS]

  the in the the safety and security of [TS]

  your own home is a feeling i think every [TS]

  American should have once a year where [TS]

  they're sitting there and then all of a [TS]

  sudden they're under attack brutal [TS]

  attack silly little reminder little [TS]

  taste little taste of London here's what [TS]

  it feels like [TS]

  that's right it's like there are people [TS]

  all over the world right now who are [TS]

  sitting in their little mud house and [TS]

  American jets are flying really low [TS]

  right over them and maybe unleashing [TS]

  some machine gunfire so you should just [TS]

  it if it hurts your feelings of it if [TS]

  its bills your water glass we should [TS]

  just let it be a reminder you're saying [TS]

  it's like sitting there not coming this [TS]

  is something where America could be [TS]

  improved by a little bit of strength [TS]

  inspiron jets [TS]

  well it's happening we are being strafed [TS]

  by our own Jets be with it because every [TS]

  you know every certainly every scary [TS]

  coastal town the Navy comes in at one [TS]

  point or another they have Navy days or [TS]

  in our case it's Seafarer semen semen [TS]

  and the Navy takes over the town and [TS]

  they they go through all the bar come on [TS]

  everything that's right and there's a [TS]

  lot more rapes and members jets fly over [TS]

  real world and it's like you have been [TS]

  occupied by an invading army it only [TS]

  lasts for a little while and all the [TS]

  chamber commerce guys are thrilled [TS]

  because that because of the businesses [TS]

  are profitable for a month but it's [TS]

  something we should all keep in mind [TS]

  like this is you know how much we spend [TS]

  on this stuff it's very expensive to [TS]

  build these things and we should all [TS]

  have a first-hand experience of what [TS]

  they're there for [TS]

  which is to fly really low over people's [TS]

  houses and have them shit their pants [TS]

  and scare their little babies 30 30 [TS]

  million dollars I fact-check that sweet [TS]

  i just sent me 30 million dollars for [TS]

  one of those jets that was straightness [TS]

  so I woke up this morning and what they [TS]

  do with the Blue Angels do as they fly a [TS]

  the access they practice a lot first [TS]

  they do but they have a c-130 which is a [TS]

  four-engine turboprop transport plane [TS]

  that is for their crew and it flies the [TS]

  choir smirk and is now i'm sorry i'm [TS]

  imagining somebody like takes off work [TS]

  to take their kids to see the air show [TS]

  it's just very very slow mikako plane [TS]

  and slow claps but it takes 15 minutes i [TS]

  think the c-130 is an amazing every 20 [TS]

  out of the sky with a 45 [TS]

  I've actually flown in a c-130 and they [TS]

  are their tremendous tremendous [TS]

  airplanes the Hercules is what they're [TS]

  called but so the Hercules it flies the [TS]

  course that be that the FAA teens are [TS]

  going to class in plane that flies very [TS]

  low and it has a very distinctive sound [TS]

  those Church turboprop engines have this [TS]

  very like big throbbing borough are and [TS]

  that flies round my house is right by [TS]

  the airport so they fly about a hundred [TS]

  and fifty feet over my house and so they [TS]

  woke me up this morning in the c-130 and [TS]

  I said usually that c-130 flies over and [TS]

  three minutes later their FA teens [TS]

  basically touching their landing gear on [TS]

  my chimney like they go over my house so [TS]

  low I can read their drivers licenses [TS]

  and I'm so I wake up and I'm like you [TS]

  know that I've got a baby here it's just [TS]

  the two of us it's me and me and the [TS]

  baby and I I jump out of that I run [TS]

  downstairs i get her out of her crib and [TS]

  I'm like you know she's 16 months old [TS]

  and I say today is airplane day airplane [TS]

  and she knows what airplanes are and she [TS]

  points to the sky and I'm like that's [TS]

  right [TS]

  airplane but today is different today [TS]

  big airplane day loud airplane and she's [TS]

  looking at me like why are you talking [TS]

  to me like this i have a dirty diaper [TS]

  can I have a banana and I'm like banana [TS]

  second airplane because when these [TS]

  airplanes go over i know she's gonna [TS]

  shit your pants and I'm like airplane [TS]

  airplane all all morning I'm like [TS]

  airplanes they could come at any time so [TS]

  loud because that's how these things are [TS]

  they give you no warning at all they're [TS]

  really really fast and they fly over [TS]

  this part that drives me crazy I can't [TS]

  understand how you could slot why you [TS]

  would want to 530 million dollar jet [TS]

  over a populated city and make a boom [TS]

  because we paid that 30 million dollars [TS]

  and this is them showing off like it's [TS]

  like look what you bought look what you [TS]

  made [TS]

  we can we can scare this weekend rattle [TS]

  all your little Hummel figurines right [TS]

  off the shelves just by flying over and [TS]

  hitting the gas so anyway all day long I [TS]

  know these fucking bird birds are here i [TS]

  have been down to the airport I went [TS]

  down there last night and there they all [TS]

  were lined up there on the on the flight [TS]

  deck and I'm like the blue angels are [TS]

  here and they never miss a chance and so [TS]

  all all day I've been in this kind of [TS]

  pregnancy of like when are they gonna [TS]

  fly over the house they're going to come [TS]

  I know it's coming i was probably going [TS]

  to happen in the middle of my podcast [TS]

  and yet it is deathly quiet [TS]

  the birds are not tweeting insects are [TS]

  not buzzing everything knows that that [TS]

  the storm is coming but they are there [TS]

  are no planes in the sky [TS]

  I don't know why they're not striving my [TS]

  house it's driving me crazy [TS]

  there it sits like a some psyops that [TS]

  they're they're pulling this year only [TS]

  where it's like yeah we're here [TS]

  it's a beautiful sunny day oh we could [TS]

  be flushed like your own personal world [TS]

  war one just sitting there Doug in [TS]

  either they know they're out there you [TS]

  don't know where you don't know when [TS]

  they're going to come right over the [TS]

  hills [TS]

  it's Christmas Day do we play soccer or [TS]

  are they going to snipe me as soon as I [TS]

  stick my head above the trench they both [TS]

  Paul McCartney who the Germans on the [TS]

  british guiana video types of peace [TS]

  however that they made the promise we [TS]

  made a video and of course you know as I [TS]

  believe you're Paul man to that both of [TS]

  them are Paul McCartney I vaguely [TS]

  remember this but this was during the [TS]

  give my regards to Broad Street area if [TS]

  i'm not mistaken [TS]

  well it was actions after wings was good [TS]

  so it's all it's all kind of one big [TS]

  hairball for me [TS]

  yeah there was a there was a point there [TS]

  between 1977 and the present where [TS]

  everything Paul did I looked at out only [TS]

  out of the corner of my eye I could not [TS]

  look directly at it [TS]

  yeah basically try it's like drunk dad [TS]

  you still like every once in a while [TS]

  you're like oh I wonder if this will be [TS]

  really really good [TS]

  when he made that acoustic record that [TS]

  was actually really great friend that's [TS]

  good i enjoyed that very much [TS]

  there's always these that I mean you're [TS]

  absolutely right i look at everything [TS]

  but but I particularly like when he's [TS]

  doing music videos where he is both [TS]

  characters who I just can't look [TS]

  directly at LVL Collins kind of thing to [TS]

  go it'll burn onto your retina and then [TS]

  you can never really see honestly I mean [TS]

  how do you feel about Phil Collins his [TS]

  face being on so many records if you're [TS]

  such a big phil collins fan doesn't it [TS]

  bug you that is giant fat faces on the [TS]

  cover of all his albums [TS]

  well here's the thing about phil collins [TS]

  who take a good look at him take a look [TS]

  at him now take a look at him man take [TS]

  it will be standing here take a look at [TS]

  your girlfriend that's pretty good you [TS]

  gotta admit that was pretty fast so it's [TS]

  not it's coming back to him as against [TS]

  Allah Azza if you if you take a look at [TS]

  Phil Collins you will realize he is 5 [TS]

  feet tall who is bald dude he looks like [TS]

  someone carved a face into an apple and [TS]

  the left it sitting this like a [TS]

  self-satisfied ass are but you know a [TS]

  bottom of behind and yet and yet in [TS]

  spite of all that at the very height of [TS]

  the era where we were all claiming that [TS]

  music video had made it impossible for [TS]

  bands like Foghat to succeed because fog [TS]

  had existed in a pre music video area [TS]

  where they were all stupid-looking [TS]

  scorpions are no bargain either close [TS]

  mining for classic example 5 still at [TS]

  all right James tips it looks like [TS]

  Gallagher without a mustache who and it [TS]

  rejected talking characters did phil [TS]

  collins was the biggest star in the [TS]

  world and so that should give us all hot [TS]

  and not only the biggest star in the [TS]

  world but as you say he his face was his [TS]

  brand he put his little bald head on the [TS]

  cover of every album and was the biggest [TS]

  star in the world he was in every music [TS]

  video [TS]

  he was a massive sex is like that guy [TS]

  from simply red who has supposedly [TS]

  bedded every famous starlet of the [TS]

  eighties [TS]

  eighties [TS]

  icom ginger that little that little [TS]

  creepy little ginger midget music sorry [TS]

  small person is that is then I think [TS]

  it's I think it's we're Edmund this is [TS]

  what they said in Scotland you know what [TS]

  I'm sure that we have a whole contingent [TS]

  of our listeners yeah who are not only [TS]

  bronies but are also ginger they are [TS]

  trying to decide right now whether they [TS]

  should send a tweet i think that famous [TS]

  he was that famous sex pistol show I [TS]

  think who the those simply red garnet [TS]

  hockey was comfortable yet we know what [TS]

  they believe the muskox and everybody [TS]

  was sleeping with supermodels that he [TS]

  literally had to stand on a stack of [TS]

  phone books just to insert himself into [TS]

  them god oh it was a very very famous [TS]

  popular certain pink and yet you could [TS]

  you could not look at him without [TS]

  feeling like he was a he was a kind of a [TS]

  like a like them the model up on which a [TS]

  cabbage patch dolls were designed like [TS]

  it he's not he looks he looks like a [TS]

  cross between up a lot of miles from [TS]

  Thompson Twins why do I know that name [TS]

  and how is in and maybe alison moyet [TS]

  science [TS]

  yeah you just pulled out the name of the [TS]

  girl who shaved her head except for the [TS]

  background she cut off for eyebrows and [TS]

  she had a floopy head chef loopy hair [TS]

  and eyebrows the deal with that hat they [TS]

  love their hats and Thompson Twins I saw [TS]

  them I saw them with Berlin with flowers [TS]

  and improving my girlfriend passed out [TS]

  the show now you have sounded grouchy [TS]

  wait [TS]

  nope she watched somebody up here [TS]

  something cuz this is when punk rock [TS]

  people would still go to the shows and [TS]

  try and look tough if you saw somebody [TS]

  take a Thompson Twins pin and try to [TS]

  pierce themselves within she passed out [TS]

  here early i'm hot stones were not as [TS]

  good as you'd expect [TS]

  no no they were they were kind of [TS]

  terrible i was listening to Thompson [TS]

  Twins record the other is not it is not [TS]

  H well its credibility still works [TS]

  where's Sam amazing because that's such [TS]

  a distinctive vocal style it is and that [TS]

  was the other one the one where they had [TS]

  the same name album and song leader the [TS]

  one part of noise no no I say like a [TS]

  name like that uh come back to me but [TS]

  they're really good the atoms in the [TS]

  nineties that were really good one time [TS]

  I was good i was in san francisco i was [TS]

  hit [TS]

  talk talk talk well see talk then you [TS]

  think better than you think the second [TS]

  like the original talktalk where talk [TS]

  talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk [TS]

  that was a that was a certain kind of [TS]

  early eighties pop but then the later [TS]

  talk talk it was good just amazing music [TS]

  i love that album the color of spring is [TS]

  one of the great that's one of the great [TS]

  boy you have throwaway lines about talk [TS]

  and screwed equality and i have been [TS]

  i've been corrected I've been sent back [TS]

  to my room to go and listen to them and [TS]

  they are really really good see now in [TS]

  my head in my head talktalk is like [TS]

  second first which has to wonder kid [TS]

  songs for record and maybe like who did [TS]

  whisper to screen you know that ban but [TS]

  was booked to scream what's the other [TS]

  one the other band has a system that guy [TS]

  with bad teeth LOL as a babalu gosh I [TS]

  was yeah that's what everyone else I'd [TS]

  like an x 92 ya think French and give me [TS]

  something out of my signal works [TS]

  whoa alright icicle works in pants that [TS]

  you pulled that out [TS]

  icicle works whisper to scream yeah [TS]

  who's gonna be able to think about the [TS]

  guy with the hat in the bad teeth [TS]

  it wasn't depeche mode because the hat [TS]

  and the bad send me an angel sent me the [TS]

  name Joe as right now right now you know [TS]

  else is pretty good big country real [TS]

  life real life to send me an angel also [TS]

  big country become people think pretty [TS]

  pretty good but that is our steel town [TS]

  boogie town what's that whatever they [TS]

  have still still face and I won't ban [TS]

  that this long to get here you are I [TS]

  think your gear having a little bit of [TS]

  an eighties pop time at home taking a [TS]

  little trip against fuck the thing the [TS]

  thing about the thing about think about [TS]

  real life [TS]

  the thing about the psychedelic furs is [TS]

  that they had a couple of good song and [TS]

  for getting pressured and the rest were [TS]

  shitty little shit they're like you know [TS]

  cheap trick they have like one or two [TS]

  amazing songs per record no matter what [TS]

  and then a lot of stuff for like you [TS]

  know you could have you could have done [TS]

  an EP you can eat [TS]

  it's but it's rock and roll like cheap [TS]

  tricks on the shitty songs on cheap [TS]

  trick records are not hurt your feelings [TS]

  with you by if you buy a second look [TS]

  first even the even second first [TS]

  greatest hits [TS]

  oh i bought it i bought it two years ago [TS]

  and five songs and you're like all the [TS]

  rest of the guys got love money you got [TS]

  love my way [TS]

  wait to write right but I mean like a [TS]

  president president gasps really the [TS]

  original pretty thing before the and all [TS]

  that fruity stuff together gasps [TS]

  terrible terrible song [TS]

  yeah in excess is an example of a band [TS]

  where they had to absolutely to great [TS]

  songs per record in the rest were fine [TS]

  everybody wants to go to soup and salad [TS]

  dog [TS]

  ok some of the more terrible the [TS]

  terrible song you know it's good that i [TS]

  like that bad Babs what's up with [TS]

  something goes bad I'm doing a just [TS]

  landsberg song i pop but now talk talk [TS]

  talk talk talk isn't that where this [TS]

  that where the singles are very very [TS]

  good but level of quality throughout the [TS]

  record is remains very high it's that [TS]

  I've heard that yeah hey Sam it's very [TS]

  ate the production is very 80 sounding [TS]

  but the talk talk records as a whole you [TS]

  can put on and you can go about your [TS]

  business and the and the records will [TS]

  they will not hurt your feelings there [TS]

  then there's not going to be any like no [TS]

  surprise reggae tune oh alright surprise [TS]

  regular toon that like we didn't have [TS]

  another throwaway technique lash what [TS]

  about what about body frame what about [TS]

  the Aztec camera he was like the [TS]

  Scottish Bentley my breast a camera you [TS]

  are [TS]

  i do but it's we're getting we're [TS]

  getting deep into some Tourette's you [TS]

  know what nobody cares about music [TS]

  didn't know what if you start talking [TS]

  about Mitch easter I'm gonna have to [TS]

  ring the bell now without talking about [TS]

  John Dixon most of the girls like the [TS]

  dance but or less some of the boys do [TS]

  like I you know what anything is REM [TS]

  yeah we should talk about no don't you [TS]

  have a separate punch something like our [TS]

  41st episode was still in the REM [TS]

  episode we need to do in rem episode [TS]

  yeah I was gonna say one x active i was [TS]

  about let's act i just not want to talk [TS]

  about let's active right now right in [TS]

  the spirit tracks in san francisco and i [TS]

  didn't all this out this is one of those [TS]

  things one of those things where it is i [TS]

  don't know how many of our listeners [TS]

  have ever hitchhiked I [TS]

  I i doubt anymore anybody under 40 [TS]

  really does much for checking because [TS]

  it's not a thing that's regarded as safe [TS]

  but when i was a teenager it was still [TS]

  it was never regarded as safe but it was [TS]

  still fairly common but was it wasn't it [TS]

  wasn't something like new unknown deadly [TS]

  thing [TS]

  yeah you don't get it's not like people [TS]

  say don't ever check that you ran out of [TS]

  gas you can hitchhike hitchhike and I [TS]

  did quite a bit of hitchhiking a and in [TS]

  fact it's right across America a couple [TS]

  of times and it's like the petoskey up a [TS]

  couple of times a couple times but one [TS]

  time i was in san francisco mint [TS]

  condition fourth one day I'm going to [TS]

  sit down I'm going to sit there in a [TS]

  spreadsheet motherfucking write all this [TS]

  down and I think the math is not going [TS]

  to stock up on your side [TS]

  just away you'd be super into Germany [TS]

  literally millions of times millions of [TS]

  times which I cry hitchhiked I [TS]

  hitchhiked from the southern coast of [TS]

  Portugal to amsterdam and one time in [TS]

  three days and I challenge anybody to do [TS]

  that they always in your father's voice [TS]

  because it but one day i will when I'm [TS]

  when I'm 87 and i'm sitting in a chair [TS]

  my own time I met track for the kids [TS]

  will be like they're not gonna pop a [TS]

  curve in your hooptie but so I i get [TS]

  picked up and this is one of those [TS]

  things if you've ever stood out on the [TS]

  side of the road hitchhiking i'm [TS]

  particularly like if you stood outside [TS]

  of the road for a long time with your [TS]

  thumb out and cars just going by and [TS]

  nobody's picking up your mind starts to [TS]

  daydream if you are a person like me and [TS]

  you start to imagine that the next car [TS]

  over the hill is going to be a red [TS]

  Jaguar driven by a woman in her mid [TS]

  forties or three to take with me boy [TS]

  there's two versions of the story either [TS]

  it's a if there's a red Jaguar driven by [TS]

  a woman in her mid forties who is who [TS]

  has just left her husband and she's [TS]

  gonna know i was looking to even the [TS]

  score she could get horrible at this [TS]

  point I'm standing out with my thumb out [TS]

  and I'm like this is my this is my [TS]

  fantasy [TS]

  either it's this woman she's she's in [TS]

  this red Jaguar convertible remember [TS]

  today's gonna be she's gotta pull over [TS]

  and and I'm gonna get in there I'm gonna [TS]

  throw my bag in the back and I'm gonna [TS]

  go where we going [TS]

  that's version one version 2 is band [TS]

  above ground [TS]

  alright three girls in mini skirts three [TS]

  girls in mini skirts and a full second [TS]

  bus that was I was thinking of [TS]

  eliminator [TS]

  alright knowing it in a in a 32 Ford [TS]

  coupe yeah I can't even tell you how [TS]

  down out of the tree are between Catalan [TS]

  between Catwoman and ZZ Top my sexual [TS]

  cosmology is so permanently fucked up [TS]

  the sharp dressed man which is great [TS]

  song and I know you're a fan you you [TS]

  want you will show you want to show [TS]

  talking about the top on the public [TS]

  radio right showing my feeling is that [TS]

  that ZZ Top's eliminator like although [TS]

  ZZ top fans are all like oh no thats all [TS]

  tres hombres like back when they were [TS]

  wearing dirty blue jean more and more [TS]

  it's no sugar drums etops eliminator [TS]

  where it is all done to drum machines [TS]

  with samplers and keyboards is still [TS]

  such an amazing album and if you hate it [TS]

  because it's because of the eighties [TS]

  production and you're a fool and you are [TS]

  depriving yourself of a great great [TS]

  guitar playing and great songwriting is [TS]

  true you know you got me on that I was [TS]

  gonna ask you about steelers we like [TS]

  that he Rafferty record he recommended a [TS]

  pretty good stuff right it's really [TS]

  great and he doesn't he doesn't so [TS]

  boring but but i'm with you i'm totally [TS]

  with you and we can throw out the baby [TS]

  with the bath and with my handwriting's [TS]

  options i want to come back to missing [TS]

  persons to as your as you were saying [TS]

  about those music videos i did not [TS]

  realize that I had any interest in a [TS]

  girl in pink pumps with frilly ankle [TS]

  socks my god me and I there in a [TS]

  miniskirt i did not realize they had any [TS]

  interest in a girl like kandi dance when [TS]

  they stand still [TS]

  yeah until until she climbs out of that [TS]

  32 Ford and then I was like well wait a [TS]

  minute is there another kind of girl [TS]

  God please throw me the keys but know [TS]

  that my version of getting picked [TS]

  because I those girls are going to pick [TS]

  me up station so number one is like a [TS]

  slightly older christie brinkley with a [TS]

  sense of humor [TS]

  exactly ok got a second one the second [TS]

  one is a Volkswagen bus with three [TS]

  hippie girls but not hippie girls with [TS]

  like nose rings and dreadlocks not like [TS]

  Portland not grossly great thanks i'm [TS]

  talking about kind of hippie Punk's yeah [TS]

  and this was in an era before people had [TS]

  tattoos so I didn't have to ask the [TS]

  question tattoos or no tattoos [TS]

  they were just gonna be three girls in a [TS]

  Volkswagen bus who had decided that they [TS]

  were going to drive across America and [TS]

  and they pull over and pick me up to [TS]

  those were the two fantasies but so i'm [TS]

  standing outside of San Francisco I've [TS]

  got my thumb out i'm in marin county and [TS]

  I'm trying to get up to the northwest [TS]

  have am standing outside road cars go by [TS]

  and I'm fantasizing about who's gonna [TS]

  pick me up and over pulls a black [TS]

  volkswagen jetta and the door opens and [TS]

  it is a girl my age which was remarkable [TS]

  in and of itself [TS]

  she was a zaftig girl you mean having [TS]

  Jewish she was both well I wouldn't seem [TS]

  happy but she's confident to choose [TS]

  full-figured girl she was she was dark [TS]

  Jewish family and she was new wave she [TS]

  was like one of those girls in those [TS]

  Hernandez brothers comics you know what [TS]

  I'm talking about [TS]

  that's definitely moving there she had [TS]

  some stuff on the rearview mirror she [TS]

  had an extra ear ring or two and the two [TS]

  of us drove from San Francisco all the [TS]

  way up to Olympia Washington together [TS]

  and she played Berlin the healthy at the [TS]

  time [TS]

  new berlin album the one that came out [TS]

  in 1988 or whatever album that was and I [TS]

  got into that car pretty convinced that [TS]

  i had no interest in Berlin or missing [TS]

  persons and she played Berlin [TS]

  missing-persons basically the entire way [TS]

  and it was oh a deeply shaping [TS]

  experience for me so that the music of [TS]

  Berlin and missing persons now we'll [TS]

  send me into a reverie where I float and [TS]

  I floated on this cloudy chance you're [TS]

  transported on a pilot Bozzio I'm [TS]

  transported a in a in a on a cloud [TS]

  shaped like it like a black jetta it [TS]

  just floats me up the Pacific coast [TS]

  I i will not hear a bad word spoken [TS]

  about either of those males I used to [TS]

  talk about the time I met terrible Terry [TS]

  Bozzio you mean that the singer [TS]

  yeah now what era was like 10 years ago [TS]

  nice i was i was a the off-ramp know I [TS]

  was riding my bike down the street and [TS]

  only and nobody walks in Seattle and I'm [TS]

  driving through pioneer square and i'm [TS]

  driving past this club that doesn't [TS]

  exist anymore i was i have that I just [TS]

  keep imagining a 40 year old woman in a [TS]

  sticky always know I'm talk about Dale [TS]

  Bozzio not tarry was her story was her [TS]

  husband was the drummer friend and so [TS]

  I'm driving I'm driving ride my bike and [TS]

  I and there's this tiny tiny tiny little [TS]

  girl with blue like a big shocker blue [TS]

  hair standing out in front of this club [TS]

  that no longer exists and as I ride my [TS]

  bike I looked down and she looks up and [TS]

  I I don't know where it came from i [TS]

  didn't I don't know how I remember her [TS]

  name but I was like blue its debts Dale [TS]

  Bozzio and i think i actually pronounce [TS]

  it Bozzio and I might have even said [TS]

  Bozzio but I was like it's still Bozzio [TS]

  and she goes yeah [TS]

  oh my god i know you and i screeched my [TS]

  bike to a halt to jump off and I'm like [TS]

  hi my name is john you know when she's [TS]

  standing there with like a roadie and [TS]

  her bass player at the stage door of [TS]

  this club and I was like oh my god I I [TS]

  am uh i'm actually a massive fan I know [TS]

  that that sounds strange but but i [TS]

  actually am and she was like oh you come [TS]

  into the shower tonight to get she's [TS]

  edith bunker because she's absolutely [TS]

  because she'd Roxie she's so East Coast [TS]

  are you coming to the show tonight let [TS]

  me know well fast diet [TS]

  the way our and right and i said i [TS]

  didn't know that you were playing a show [TS]

  tonight and she was like oh yeah we'll [TS]

  play the top 20 do it Tommy t4 i'm [TS]

  fucked definitely coming to the show [TS]

  tonight and she was like I'll put you on [TS]

  the list [TS]

  fuck you are you serious she puts me on [TS]

  you guys Kampai up audio and so I come [TS]

  back to chisel she's actually five feet [TS]

  34 feet tall she's like four foot three [TS]

  i never i would guess she statuesque no [TS]

  no she looked exactly the same as she [TS]

  did in her MTV days I mean she was [TS]

  wearing last pancake makeup she had jet [TS]

  all kinds of crazy makeup 150 was just [TS]

  like I'm crazy and i put on my own [TS]

  makeup but like come to the show and [TS]

  first of all tommy tutone is opening and [TS]

  he plays whoo i think i'm going to get [TS]

  idea what you play [TS]

  I did you not no no this isn't that they [TS]

  played twice he played for an hour and [TS]

  45 as the hope I know that and as I and [TS]

  they're like 40 people in this club that [TS]

  could make it seats 700 people and he [TS]

  played he played except for 5309 or [TS]

  whatever but then he played he played [TS]

  8675309 revisited which was his new from [TS]

  his latest album his new version of the [TS]

  of the song that made him great you know [TS]

  it mp3 town where it was like where he [TS]

  had basically rewrote the tune [TS]

  I mean he is set work was an example of [TS]

  how not to do the casino circuit right [TS]

  and then she comes out on stage with the [TS]

  missing persons who were five guys in [TS]

  their twenties who who all looked like [TS]

  they had auditioned for a marilyn [TS]

  manson's band and you know dad didn't [TS]

  have an interesting enough serial killer [TS]

  named [TS]

  it was like it was like eyeliner there [TS]

  was so much eyeliner in so many like [TS]

  weird piercings and it you know and the [TS]

  guitar players name was something like a [TS]

  like Rosalind geen like what do what I [TS]

  don't get it [TS]

  I'm gonna get we do anyway like all [TS]

  these 20-year olds and then she comes [TS]

  out on stage and I was such a tragedy [TS]

  she was so on cocaine man that kinda [TS]

  doubt i'm so at the time what was I was [TS]

  33 she she couldn't have been much more [TS]

  than 48 let's say still a very handsome [TS]

  woman although a little bit of little [TS]

  bit road warren that's saying but she [TS]

  comes on stage and when I talked to her [TS]

  she was outside the stage door for 10 [TS]

  minutes or whatever she was a very [TS]

  reasonable normal-seeming rock-and-roll [TS]

  person but she was onstage and she's so [TS]

  full of cocaine that she cannot focus [TS]

  and she's walking around she's adjusting [TS]

  people's amps she's trying to talk to [TS]

  the guitar player while he's playing a [TS]

  song oh god she's yelling at the [TS]

  soundman but she's not yelling into her [TS]

  microphone she forgets that there's a [TS]

  microphone there and she's standing the [TS]

  band is like cranking away on a tune and [TS]

  she's like I don't have had to the [TS]

  soundman she'd sing a verse and then and [TS]

  then forget to go to the chorus she's [TS]

  wandering around the stage like a bag [TS]

  lady and it was so depressing I didn't [TS]

  even stay to see them play destination [TS]

  unknown [TS]

  I was like this is terrible I can't I [TS]

  can't I I can't watch this it's a it's [TS]

  it's it's all coming apart [TS]

  how'd you do you know how as you [TS]

  imagined it going can I ask let me have [TS]

  a pretty good idea [TS]

  this is the problem with being with [TS]

  getting old is that tail tail Bozzio I'm [TS]

  gonna settle on Bosnia Dale Bozzio and [TS]

  who was the girl that wore electrical [TS]

  tape on her nipples I window Williams [TS]

  wendy williams these these women had a [TS]

  had a profound effect on my burgeoning [TS]

  early teen every comfortable with their [TS]

  bosoms sexuality they're comfortable [TS]

  with their bosoms they were some of the [TS]

  first pose I'd seen who I certainly see [TS]

  a lot of ladies with bosoms out the [TS]

  chainsaw you didn't this is back at this [TS]

  was back before Madonna made it even [TS]

  popular to wear shirts that expose your [TS]

  belly button you know you have to [TS]

  remember how much different times [TS]

  different conservative it was who [TS]

  certainly these were some of the first [TS]

  boobs i saw in motion [TS]

  you never forget that playboy boobs they [TS]

  might not make it very quiet make a [TS]

  little noise [TS]

  yeah looks sort of flaps flaps and I'm [TS]

  sorry John it's brutal but in any case I [TS]

  I was hoping that i was going to be a [TS]

  teenager again and that she was going to [TS]

  be a young woman in her twenties and [TS]

  that i could redo my whole life and that [TS]

  she would call me under the tour bus and [TS]

  off we would go and it would be 1983 [TS]

  again and I guy would put a lot of gel [TS]

  in my hair [TS]

  I wouldn't have had all those [TS]

  experiences in college I wish I could [TS]

  forget and instead it was just that she [TS]

  was on cocaine and I was in my thirties [TS]

  riding a bike and that oh my god i'm [TS]

  looking on the internet this is terrible [TS]

  to do especially when you're doing a [TS]

  podcast but if there's a there's a a a [TS]

  picture of Dale Bozzio it's a mugshot [TS]

  know where she was put in jail for her [TS]

  animal cruelty conviction [TS]

  Oh dear me as a parent is the big braids [TS]

  13 animal cruelty charges stemmed from [TS]

  Bozzio failed attempt to save farrell [TS]

  and sick cats from the New Hampshire [TS]

  woods to cats were found dead and 12 [TS]

  were put down following an under [TS]

  determinable period of neglect that came [TS]

  to a head while Bozzio toward last fall [TS]

  that that sounds like scrapbooking [TS]

  oh my god she's good she's a cat lady [TS]

  and [TS]

  out here new hampshire you know people [TS]

  think of people out west think of New [TS]

  Hampshire as kind of like an idyllic a [TS]

  place where bob newhart owns a hotel and [TS]

  there are a lot of picket fences and it [TS]

  said there's a library with that as a [TS]

  bell tower maybe in the town and the the [TS]

  biggest problem they have is maybe that [TS]

  there's still a Soviet spy who's waiting [TS]

  to be activated as a Manchurian [TS]

  Candidate kind of situation but in fact [TS]

  most of New Hampshire people have [TS]

  Corvettes up on blocks in front of their [TS]

  trailer homes [TS]

  it is the new england is some of the [TS]

  craziest like meby weird america is that [TS]

  right possibly find yeah it really is [TS]

  it's strange because coming from the [TS]

  coming from the west coast when i first [TS]

  went to New England I really expected [TS]

  that the biggest problem i would have [TS]

  was just dealing with headless horseman [TS]

  you know I was not inconsiderable [TS]

  problem i assumed they were Headless [TS]

  Horseman a typical Harvey are prepared [TS]

  for that I was prepared for Headless [TS]

  Horseman I knew not to walk out any [TS]

  country lanes in the middle of the night [TS]

  although I I did do that and I was [TS]

  accosted by a horseman but I was not [TS]

  prepared for the fact that there were [TS]

  just going to be like weird trashy drug [TS]

  dealer e people wandering around towns [TS]

  where the shops were all boarded up and [TS]

  and just what like a it just felt like [TS]

  it felt like some of those towns in [TS]

  southern Arizona had been relocated to a [TS]

  kind of woodsy colonial looking place [TS]

  really it's a very strange part of the [TS]

  world to England I thought was kind of [TS]

  like a new england version of like Utah [TS]

  are people who wrecked astern gun owners [TS]

  in New Hampshire really am a thing much [TS]

  more you know Vermont is the place where [TS]

  they are all like [TS]

  kind of Bellingham me that's gonna say [TS]

  yeah and then New Hampshire is much more [TS]

  sort of live free or die [TS]

  that's their motto live free or die they [TS]

  would be granted face guy break the big [TS]

  granite faced guy broke i think so yeah [TS]

  I think it's it was like I think it's on [TS]

  the quarter [TS]

  I mean not the broken one the one that [TS]

  was a functional yeah you know about [TS]

  this right that the the grand old [TS]

  granite New Hampshire granite face the [TS]

  grand old granite New Hampshire face oh [TS]

  I think just a sign them recently [TS]

  it's a it's like it's like a natural [TS]

  bridge or something it's a old man of [TS]

  the mountain old man of the mountain and [TS]

  he broke his face broke [TS]

  well I'm just saying you know life is [TS]

  complicated and if you know if there [TS]

  were oh my goodness freezing and thawing [TS]

  open fissures in the old man's forehead [TS]

  i love Philip Larkin [TS]

  by the 1920s the crack was wide enough [TS]

  to be mended with chains wrong who [TS]

  nevertheless formation collapse to the [TS]

  ground between midnight and 2am Mather [TS]

  2003 just about when the math problems [TS]

  started [TS]

  oh my goodness that is jame didn't have [TS]

  learned on a quarter [TS]

  well it's one of those things where in [TS]

  the state of Alaska there are probably [TS]

  15,000 rock formations that that [TS]

  actually look like a man that you can [TS]

  identify like but actually look like [TS]

  Herbert Hoover or alan alda from [TS]

  interstate like potato chips [TS]

  there are so many rock formations in [TS]

  Alaska that that if you wanted to you [TS]

  could you could you could put them on a [TS]

  quarter but in New Hampshire I [TS]

  understand that they're like weird [TS]

  little man on a mountain is something [TS]

  that they're real proud about nice gone [TS]

  they don't have picture the picture [TS]

  sorry [TS]

  whistle picture which shows through an [TS]

  overlay where the old man would be worse [TS]

  still there and the mountain a composite [TS]

  image of the old man created from images [TS]

  taken before and after the collapse [TS]

  yeah I we actually had one of those in [TS]

  our backyard in Alaska was 4,000 feet [TS]

  taller than that one though really like [TS]

  it wasn't who was at Hoover who you have [TS]

  nobody cared about it a shot [TS]

  no no the one that the one that was in [TS]

  my backyard actually kinda look like it [TS]

  has [TS]

  [Music] [TS]