Roderick on the Line

Ep. 49: "A Red Light in a Strange Town"


  Roderick on the line is unabashedly [TS]

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  find your doc hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin has gone well I i woke up this [TS]

  morning I went downstairs and I with you [TS]

  and I pushed back the beginning of our [TS]

  podcast as a matter of routine is deal [TS]

  but I always assume that you are pushing [TS]

  back at the start time because you have [TS]

  many things to do in the morning you [TS]

  have to get some hot dogs you have to go [TS]

  to the post office walgreens walgreens [TS]

  you have to go to walgreens I'm always [TS]

  pushing it back because I'm still asleep [TS]

  and i look at my phone and I go god it's [TS]

  time to do it i push back push back [TS]

  so this morning I went downstairs i made [TS]

  a pot of coffee I realized I didn't have [TS]

  any cream mmm [TS]

  and so I had to use vanilla ice cream [TS]

  and as good as good as that sounds I [TS]

  don't like to start my day with a with [TS]

  vanilla ice cream in my coffee [TS]

  that's that's that's nice as an option [TS]

  when it comes up and you're in the mood [TS]

  but I mean that's like having eat [TS]

  popcorn for breakfast [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah exactly I'm not [TS]

  celebrating this [TS]

  mhm I mean that there's a vanilla taste [TS]

  now to my coffee and that is a little [TS]

  bit like like sissy coffee seek out and [TS]

  it's a screws up your coffee workflow [TS]

  because you're introducing well I'll [TS]

  tell you this if you're living it and [TS]

  you're introducing a whole new level of [TS]

  temperature and flavor and texture [TS]

  integers a greasy texture no to [TS]

  absolutely that's the xanthan gum [TS]

  talking haha and the jewel on did you [TS]

  make your coffee any differently i'm [TS]

  guessing major you make great coffee [TS]

  did you make any different think you [TS]

  know seriously eat [TS]

  it's amazing how fast you can make it [TS]

  and so did you did you do you realize at [TS]

  the time that you're going to have to [TS]

  use the ice cream did you know is that i [TS]

  did not prepare has already done was hot [TS]

  in the pot rated drink [TS]

  yeah I didn't prepare the coffee in any [TS]

  way I don't even [TS]

  why would have done this yet a clock [TS]

  running I did I was like coffee is going [TS]

  got that I'm ready I'm gonna put I'm [TS]

  gonna put some clothes on out of respect [TS]

  to do for our listeners and and I [TS]

  respect for you Merlin thank you and and [TS]

  then I got some clothes on and i got [TS]

  that I got that that by my mug of coffee [TS]

  which says spotted brown munchen on it [TS]

  and I am I was all full of coffee and I [TS]

  go oh there's no cream and I mean I can [TS]

  drink black coffee but it's not that's [TS]

  not how I preferred and so I scream I [TS]

  don't you know if I i think if i had if [TS]

  I had not been so sleepy if I had a [TS]

  second to think about it i would have [TS]

  said i would have forgone the ice cream [TS]

  and just had black coffee but I made a [TS]

  snap decision something sandy it's all [TS]

  about huh yeah cuz there's an X that's [TS]

  going to start my ex's of the post noon [TS]

  letter [TS]

  yeah I we had actually we had kind of a [TS]

  white funk band called xanthan gum but [TS]

  in the mid-nineties but it never took [TS]

  they were white huh well I was in it [TS]

  when you play remember I I think there's [TS]

  something to this the John and it's it's [TS]

  about expectations like for me once that [TS]

  coffee the reason ask if there's a clock [TS]

  running is like to me once that coffee [TS]

  is dripped and it's going [TS]

  yeah personally I'm in a different state [TS]

  of mind like no matter how tired I am on [TS]

  some level if i get up and the first [TS]

  thing I realized is I don't have cream [TS]

  half in my case that that is going to [TS]

  factor slightly into it like you can't [TS]

  walk to your 7-eleven where the junkies [TS]

  are you you would have to get a hoot to [TS]

  drive there right [TS]

  mhm photos by but still I mean you might [TS]

  from the outset say why I need to make [TS]

  some different decisions maybe I should [TS]

  have a very strong tea when we should [TS]

  maybe I should live in a different place [TS]

  because there is a boat dekha two blocks [TS]

  from my house is licensed it's a license [TS]

  Bodega and I walked in there the first [TS]

  week I lived here and there's a korean [TS]

  kid sitting by making the counter [TS]

  playing a video game and I said where's [TS]

  your half-and-half and he looked up and [TS]

  said what's half and half [TS]

  Christ and they literally don't have [TS]

  half and half there because it's one of [TS]

  those but niggas that sells faygo [TS]

  menthol cigarettes and lottery tickets [TS]

  and lottery tickets and like 75 [TS]

  different kinds of malt liquor and it's [TS]

  really more of a general a Dago you can [TS]

  have the juggalo bodega you can't have [TS]

  milk 11 milk in here that isn't flavored [TS]

  with strawberry Quik honey's like listen [TS]

  man I just my folks on this place i'm [TS]

  just i'm just waiting to get out John [TS]

  you know me I don't like to work ping [TS]

  pong but I'm just saying that's this [TS]

  this sounds like something from from a [TS]

  rejected spike lee movie you got to get [TS]

  your in the year in the african-american [TS]

  well you're a very diverse part of town [TS]

  to put it actually right you're the only [TS]

  white person in the entire part of your [TS]

  county is that correct [TS]

  haha no in fact my County are you [TS]

  arguing it desperately ridiculously [TS]

  insanely impossibly diverse neighborhood [TS]

  it is it is literally and you know I [TS]

  don't miss you now wherever is literally [TS]

  the most diverse County in America which [TS]

  means which means that that there are [TS]

  just as many white people here as there [TS]

  are South Pacific Islanders or Native [TS]

  Americans or any any group you could [TS]

  care to name their there is an equal [TS]

  number of the of that group [TS]

  demographically in my and that and that [TS]

  bears out even on my block to take [TS]

  westchester county as a new york as a [TS]

  pie graph and that's gonna be is gonna [TS]

  be probably a pretty big white piece [TS]

  there same eighty percent white people [TS]

  twenty percent joo's boyfriend and point [TS]

  three percent other just for my cards [TS]

  for my card you break out that jury you [TS]

  break them out and pie graph I don't [TS]

  have a problem at all d souza far [TS]

  discovery launch kazi I think they would [TS]

  do that in westchester county just to [TS]

  give the appearance of diversity in here [TS]

  in Seattle I don't think you I don't [TS]

  know you don't need that you don't need [TS]

  that the group does it look like a clock [TS]

  I mean are there like perhaps 12 slices [TS]

  I mean I guess there are then different [TS]

  night [TS]

  it's alright because you know the west [TS]

  coast is it is a very diverse area in [TS]

  the in the first place because we have [TS]

  had numerous waves of migration from not [TS]

  only from europe etc but from from Asia [TS]

  and points beyond [TS]

  we got sushi first year that's right we [TS]

  have the best thai food in America here [TS]

  in Seattle so but but there's also i [TS]

  mean i think you I think they actually [TS]

  break this pie graph here down into like [TS]

  okay you know these are the Tongans and [TS]

  these are the Samoans and belen and [TS]

  we're we're we're registering that might [TS]

  all be the same slice of pie in a lot of [TS]

  places in a lot of places you would [TS]

  South Pacific Islanders would not even [TS]

  rate a slice of the pie they would be [TS]

  lumped in with other but here they're [TS]

  thinking it's been that you remember [TS]

  this is actually think becoming kind of [TS]

  a thing especially with voting and so [TS]

  forth but you know its senses but used [TS]

  to be for the longest time when you have [TS]

  to check off that little box it was [TS]

  either white black or was it was white [TS]

  hispanic or black non-hispanic and the [TS]

  magic maybe the introduced asian later [TS]

  at the occasion was a form of black for [TS]

  a long time [TS]

  nowadays you know oh I don't you know I [TS]

  don't remember exactly it's been a long [TS]

  time but I'm just saying like now you [TS]

  get on down by where scott simpson lives [TS]

  that part of that part of the the [TS]

  peninsula and I mean you would need to [TS]

  break down the Pacific Islands in some [TS]

  very specific ways that there that I [TS]

  think I think there's a lot of Simone [TS]

  people especially the food court and [TS]

  there's there's there's a as a filipino [TS]

  fast-food place there is any philippine [TS]

  filipino filipino filipina but you can [TS]

  say I think filipino is the overall [TS]

  overarching term was you know I've [TS]

  traveled extensively I've been to at [TS]

  least six states in three countries and [TS]

  I'm I know when I was in hawaii i was [TS]

  completely baffled by it all the food [TS]

  seemed like a joke on the white guy I [TS]

  didn't shave ice was the only thing I [TS]

  don't have is the fried spam and fried [TS]

  spam like on the face of it sounds like [TS]

  a pretty good deal so there's a lot of [TS]

  joke foods in hawaii as you know to keep [TS]

  the good food for the locals you know [TS]

  ever had [TS]

  oh yeah I was that your sons are you [TS]

  kidding me let those folks pretty big [TS]

  three and some pretty big ribeyes point [TS]

  really o.o here are some taro root with [TS]

  your black coffee that's my question to [TS]

  you John Roderick that you're in a [TS]

  working neighborhood these are these are [TS]

  people apart from yourself who work for [TS]

  a living [TS]

  what are they drinking in the morning or [TS]

  taking in the morning that's helping [TS]

  them get through the day [TS]

  how are you how are there not more [TS]

  people that need half and half for the [TS]

  coffee that is a really good question [TS]

  that's right now because gets to a very [TS]

  Roderick on the line type question here [TS]

  because you know you've taught us so [TS]

  many times in the past you can tell a [TS]

  lot about a location right there are [TS]

  there hills are the rivers we can see [TS]

  boston was laid out by cows it's in [TS]

  store for that has never occurred to me [TS]

  and now I'm wondering whether my [TS]

  neighbors are all putting vanilla ice [TS]

  cream in their coffee and I have just [TS]

  like crossed over some invisible line [TS]

  i'm now I've become just become a local [TS]

  huh and interested in as much as you can [TS]

  recall her say do you remember if there [TS]

  is a frozen area inside of the lottery [TS]

  store let alone the other no ice cream [TS]

  such do they have frozen goods there [TS]

  they do but they're all in the ice cream [TS]

  sandwich and popsicle variety i don't [TS]

  think they have I don't think you can [TS]

  buy a carton of ice cream there is a [TS]

  goddamn tragedy so even if it really is [TS]

  and you know this store is perfectly [TS]

  sugars they sell sugar have additional [TS]

  sugar [TS]

  well everything that is sugar and [TS]

  everything but I don't think they have [TS]

  any I don't think they have any staples [TS]

  I don't you go buy a bag of flour [TS]

  I mean I think you could buy a bag of [TS]

  flour 100 runs out front he's gonna [TS]

  pause his game and help you with the [TS]

  flower garden out front yeah I'm saying [TS]

  out front of the store but well you know [TS]

  I walk into the store and I look around [TS]

  and I think why wouldn't be great if [TS]

  there was like a little rack of [TS]

  artisanal cheese and some and an olive [TS]

  case not all the cheese just a career [TS]

  for nice cheeses and then and then some [TS]

  some local wines and you know a little [TS]

  hand picked produce and this kid would [TS]

  put his video game down and had a white [TS]

  apron on and it was like hello you know [TS]

  man welcome to Kim's may I help you [TS]

  oh and the kid can cut you off [TS]

  maybe liquid called PP a tear may be [TS]

  some kind of like a like a like a pate [TS]

  local artisan pate [TS]

  yeah we were you know he would that I [TS]

  walk in he had me a little paper cup [TS]

  with a toothpick sticking in some kind [TS]

  of some kind of little like chopped fish [TS]

  or whatever and say like don't you like [TS]

  to try our our kimchi of the day and [TS]

  then be like okay ray [TS]

  but in fact no it's just it's a bunch of [TS]

  dogs parked out front and everybody's [TS]

  like coming and going well just buy a [TS]

  jungle of foods [TS]

  well the reason I the reason I bring it [TS]

  up is izzy as you said it used to be [TS]

  that there are correlations we could [TS]

  draw in this country they were Venn [TS]

  diagrams we could draw in our sleep [TS]

  right it there was a Venn diagram [TS]

  between scrimshaw and tattoos was once I [TS]

  think there's a lot of integrity to that [TS]

  so so I mean the thing is displaying the [TS]

  band right this is this is basic I think [TS]

  this is a howard freeman Milton Milton [TS]

  Milton burro whoever the economist is [TS]

  even be a great economist Milton Berle [TS]

  your compass you take out just enough to [TS]

  beat you and so and so it was your [TS]

  student dublin 13 felon who was specific [TS]

  islander to your knowledge before [TS]

  Thorstein Veblen that sounds like I like [TS]

  in Norwegian one of those little skinny [TS]

  countries [TS]

  well you know i think i have all the [TS]

  Norwegian countries [TS]

  oh pretty well mapped out and Thorstein [TS]

  Veblen isn't one of them [TS]

  ok so nicely with the Norwegian [TS]

  countries right Icelanders in Norwegian [TS]

  country yeah I don't know erica was a [TS]

  Eric Eric green that did that he missed [TS]

  name on purpose [TS]

  it turns out that Iceland is the moment [TS]

  that has things in it [TS]

  Finland is actually the one that's a sum [TS]

  up I'm not a lot of people know that [TS]

  and this is why that is alive to this [TS]

  day throughout all of the Swedish [TS]

  countries this is my only regional [TS]

  countries only Vikings today put their [TS]

  lottery tickets into their coffee and [TS]

  maybe that's the question that I'm [TS]

  asking you go in there let me guess [TS]

  coming I got a couple things I just [TS]

  really quickly blow through this thing's [TS]

  look through it [TS]

  ok thank you find it don't find in the [TS]

  store lottery tickets yeah you find [TS]

  those there okay [TS]

  Funyuns absolutely you're going to find [TS]

  funding [TS]

  ok I think we take this red fang go [TS]

  diego or always say I'm gonna say you [TS]

  you know because figure is a regional [TS]

  drink in America is figure the juggler [TS]

  drink figures the juggler drinking it's [TS]

  really a drink that's located more or [TS]

  less in the south [TS]

  although you can get in seattle at ease [TS]

  l's famous chicken but he imports it [TS]

  special so i will like like a Hispanic [TS]

  American coke [TS]

  exactly ok so i'm guessing that you [TS]

  cannot get figure at this store if you [TS]

  if you research for but what you can get [TS]

  is drank you can get orange drank or [TS]

  grape drank and that's cough syrup know [TS]

  it's a it's the it's like sugar pop but [TS]

  it's already like regular pop like [TS]

  professor fake and or something [TS]

  professor Falken you there and get some [TS]

  innocent jonah falcon would you like to [TS]

  play okay would you like to drink a [TS]

  grape soda I've always been intrigued by [TS]

  the different type of times of generic [TS]

  store brands of you know professor PA [TS]

  and stuff like that but this is the [TS]

  stuff that this is the the soda pop that [TS]

  you get when year when your business [TS]

  does not shop at costco wholesale [TS]

  there's been cutbacks and we can't [TS]

  cancel the party so we should get [TS]

  something [TS]

  yeah right okay all right so there are [TS]

  flavored things there's probably a huge [TS]

  amount of xanthan gum and high-fructose [TS]

  corn syrup you say the ice cream is most [TS]

  limited to ice cream sandwich type [TS]

  things [TS]

  there's there's like a freezer case that [TS]

  has that has again like weird off-brand [TS]

  ice creams where there's there's like a [TS]

  ravenous a rabbit that kind of looks [TS]

  like the Trix rabbit except except his [TS]

  nose is kind of longer he looks like a [TS]

  beautiful it looks like the camel looks [TS]

  like Joe Camel had sex with the Trix [TS]

  rabbit and like that's not that doesn't [TS]

  look appetizing I don't want to eat that [TS]

  ice cream sandwich later added Stella's [TS]

  are for kids [TS]

  silly rabbit your nose looks like a [TS]

  penis about what about the propane there [TS]

  where a math cooking stuff or says [TS]

  something store is absolutely useless [TS]

  grandma go it's all grab-and-go you're [TS]

  gonna get in there it's six guys on a [TS]

  truck covered covered with with like [TS]

  drywall dust and carhartts they jump in [TS]

  there [TS]

  grab-and-go you get a faygo a lottery [TS]

  ticket ice cream sandwich get the fuck [TS]

  out of there is that right yeah pack of [TS]

  cigarettes and and and like a brown bag [TS]

  with some kind of some kind of booze and [TS]

  it who and I mean they're making a [TS]

  living but I think they're dragging down [TS]

  the whole neighborhood and you know [TS]

  what's interesting you might not have [TS]

  noticed this but there's a there's a [TS]

  like an acre and a vacant acre of land [TS]

  not far from my house that they are [TS]

  converting into a what we call here in [TS]

  Seattle AP patch like a community garden [TS]

  community garden oh that's lovely [TS]

  it's going to be nice so they're so [TS]

  that's that's you know a few blocks from [TS]

  me and that's going to be and I've just [TS]

  I've just given away my location [TS]

  basically there's a lot of the community [TS]

  gardens a lot of people in [TS]

  african-american neighborhoods in [TS]

  Seattle [TS]

  there's gonna be a whole whole bowl [TS]

  community it's going to bring the [TS]

  community together in a way that that [TS]

  this bodega has been tearing us apart [TS]

  right of ownership [TS]

  that's right and people are going to [TS]

  have fresh vegetables and it's only a [TS]

  matter of time before somebody opens a [TS]

  little store with an olive bar and like [TS]

  six different kinds of of coffee creamer [TS]

  all organic here from here from a modest [TS]

  background right i mean you're not [TS]

  you're not from a rich family right knee [TS]

  pads [TS]

  well in a rich rich rich certainly in in [TS]

  a certain kind of discipline and dignity [TS]

  culturally rich ah God you know what but [TS]

  I'm always concerned that something is a [TS]

  trick and I have to tell you i think [TS]

  iĆ­ve said this in many places before I [TS]

  really believe this i think that when [TS]

  you're not from a place where you know a [TS]

  lot about what's fancy in the right way [TS]

  I think i'm constantly parsing things [TS]

  for tricks and so not the cereal with [TS]

  the rabbit but for example like all the [TS]

  bars i think it's a fucking trick has [TS]

  only a trick I walked past those and I'm [TS]

  like you've given this much real estate [TS]

  in your store 22 like things that look [TS]

  and smell and taste like rotting toes it [TS]

  is it's basically a tow bar and i'll bet [TS]

  you take anybody you take anybody in [TS]

  there you pull them out of their [TS]

  previous to give an artist and a [TS]

  blindfold you sitting down and getting [TS]

  six fuckin olives and they will not be [TS]

  able to tell you [TS]

  oh it's salty and taste like olives yeah [TS]

  you give them six fucking olives and [TS]

  then a plate of like of chopped-up [TS]

  chopped-up human toes so in formaldehyde [TS]

  for a year [TS]

  look locally sourced and then we'll go [TS]

  down and I'll be like delicious all [TS]

  about religious this one's got a little [TS]

  like a little setup pinky had pinky and [TS]

  pimento it's like yeah you know what [TS]

  those but this is the thing John this is [TS]

  the thing about the scrimshaw on the [TS]

  railroads and the steamers is that is it [TS]

  it is that is it says something about [TS]

  the community it says something you know [TS]

  we learn about the language we learn [TS]

  about the way people dress we learned so [TS]

  much by these regional things that take [TS]

  a long time to go away even if they're [TS]

  not you know not there anymore even [TS]

  though we're not building ships in this [TS]

  place anymore there's still a [TS]

  shipbuilding culture they're trying to [TS]

  push it out as many jets at Boeing as [TS]

  they used to [TS]

  I don't know but I'm guessing [TS]

  you know well you know they've [TS]

  outsourced it so that what happens now [TS]

  is that the the tail assembly is [TS]

  manufactured in Japan and the wings are [TS]

  made in Italy when they bring them all [TS]

  here to Seattle or to Nebraska or [TS]

  somewhere and they try to bolt them all [TS]

  together this happened a couple of years [TS]

  ago but they they sent the plans to [TS]

  Italy and nobody converted the [TS]

  measurements from metric to all come on [TS]

  that sounds like an urban myth [TS]

  it's absolutely true and make spent you [TS]

  know they tooled up and they spend [TS]

  hundreds of millions of dollars building [TS]

  these parts in the together the wheel [TS]

  the wheel enough it and what's the [TS]

  matter for you no matter so they're like [TS]

  oh outsourcing I and I've heard stories [TS]

  like that before I think that happened [TS]

  that happened on the space shuttle [TS]

  wasn't a space shuttle he space shuttle [TS]

  gap that involve metric conversion [TS]

  happens all the time and I and I can you [TS]

  know and depending on where you're [TS]

  standing like if we if we were doing [TS]

  this podcast in Milan right now we'd be [TS]

  saying to the effect of we be saying [TS]

  something like a wide what why America [TS]

  have a all this measurement that no one [TS]

  else to use you gotta be different there [TS]

  yeah I good metric is used by everybody [TS]

  right so why the hell it what's our [TS]

  problem but then the flip side is from [TS]

  our perspective [TS]

  no one in America has ever heard of [TS]

  another country yeah and and most people [TS]

  here don't believe other countries exist [TS]

  I mean I'm you could be mass hysteria [TS]

  but I mean there's at least two levels [TS]

  to this [TS]

  yes absolutely on the first level it's [TS]

  probably a little bit crazy the inside [TS]

  of a certain profession you don't have a [TS]

  standard I i think it's sensible [TS]

  probably if you're working on japanese [TS]

  cars to talking in metrics right and [TS]

  then there's a there's got to be a [TS]

  google thing that just translates your [TS]

  your wing diameter measurements [TS]

  immediately into whatever form you [TS]

  wanted you know I got an application [TS]

  always an application here i'm going to [TS]

  show you can be turns anything into [TS]

  anything that's my blind but here's my [TS]

  question to you that this is the deeper [TS]

  problems a deeper problem let me put it [TS]

  this way [TS]

  okay my kids school my wife texts me and [TS]

  says hey can assign you up to change the [TS]

  strings on the guitar and I said [TS]

  absolutely [TS]

  ok what is your is your wife now playing [TS]

  the guitar [TS]

  she doesn't tapping but ok so now i have [TS]

  let me like this by using your response [TS]

  was co-opted fingerboard for you guys I [TS]

  did that with a rasp I told you about [TS]

  that i invade my guitar [TS]

  anyway go ahead m60 just so she texts [TS]

  you okay here's the thing he says UK [TS]

  john-john uh can you can you at least [TS]

  keys change the strings on this guitar [TS]

  and you know if it's somebody you like [TS]

  you probably say yes right dude also you [TS]

  got my some strange right [TS]

  yeah but stringz a electric or acoustic [TS]

  exactly is a trick question [TS]

  now it's it's a non trick question I [TS]

  said okay send me a photograph of the [TS]

  guitar [TS]

  I didn't ask her feelings classical or [TS]

  steel string I said send me a photograph [TS]

  the guitar and especially can get a [TS]

  picture of the bridge and headstock [TS]

  that'd be great but I could i bought a [TS]

  second and see that it's an old crappy [TS]

  classical guitar but you see what I'm [TS]

  saying here like I mean some gut strings [TS]

  well yeah the problem the problem is [TS]

  that it yeah it's silly that they didn't [TS]

  get the conversion right but it's even [TS]

  sillier that they assume they didn't [TS]

  need to check the spec better [TS]

  it's like somebody saying paint my house [TS]

  and I assume all I've got this green so [TS]

  i'll just use green this is the problem [TS]

  nobody using slide rules anymore John [TS]

  well you know what the problem is is [TS]

  that i guarantee you in the corporate [TS]

  culture of Boeing as is as is true of [TS]

  the corporate culture of everywhere in [TS]

  the world now there are 42 different [TS]

  levels of management [TS]

  uh-huh and then you've got like three [TS]

  guys that know how to use the equipment [TS]

  and so that i'm sure those specs went [TS]

  across like 40 people's desks until it [TS]

  got to the the guy who was supposed to [TS]

  build the tool and the guy that's [TS]

  supposed to build the tool kind of [TS]

  assumes that somewhere along the line [TS]

  somebody would have if there was a [TS]

  problem somebody would have picked up [TS]

  picked up on it [TS]

  I i think it's totally true but here's [TS]

  the other thing if there were [TS]

  let's just say for you know I don't mean [TS]

  this in a ping-pong way if they were [TS]

  nerds along the way you know they were [TS]

  nerds wrong the way he said hey look I [TS]

  mean you're doing this you're doing [TS]

  something Microsoft Excel I can you how [TS]

  can you miss that these over here are [TS]

  this says 1.0 1.1 this one says 1.0 and [TS]

  this one says two-and-a-half right we'll [TS]

  return with centimeters or inches like [TS]

  what is how would you how would you know [TS]

  that [TS]

  that they said you know what we should [TS]

  probably make it really clear to people [TS]

  that this is in centimeters and not [TS]

  interesting better put probably inches [TS]

  and centimeters and you know what about [TS]

  their boss said don't be a dick [TS]

  yeah you know what helps me navigate all [TS]

  this stuff is is the is the cartoon [TS]

  dilbert I really is that the guy i [TS]

  really get so much wisdom said about the [TS]

  guy who has periodic cultural bumps in [TS]

  the workplace and yeah I think that's a [TS]

  good description yeah yeah he he's [TS]

  trying to navigate his workplace because [TS]

  it's called it's called Gilbert is that [TS]

  correct [TS]

  Gilbert yeah this isn't this isn't the [TS]

  guy who sleeps in like lasagna [TS]

  no no that's a different guy no this is [TS]

  that this guy's he has it he has a job [TS]

  and he goes there and oh my god his [TS]

  sauce food what a nut [TS]

  anyway I was I went to a grocery store [TS]

  the other day in a different [TS]

  neighborhood and I this was in this is [TS]

  in the north part of seattle which as [TS]

  you know my theory of American cities is [TS]

  that the north side of the city is [TS]

  always nice and the south side of the [TS]

  city is always bad okay 99 times out of [TS]

  23 no question [TS]

  yeah and anybody you say the south side [TS]

  of this town you might as well sell say [TS]

  MLK drive [TS]

  exactly anybody that's gonna send not to [TS]

  say that and no no that's not all he was [TS]

  he was a great president no question was [TS]

  he was wonderful man but uh but it and [TS]

  even people who come to me and say like [TS]

  well what about East st. Louis and [TS]

  western Louis I say what about south [TS]

  east st. louis and then they have to go [TS]

  oh ok you can triangulate that right so [TS]

  anyway I go to a grocery store on the [TS]

  north side of town which is sort of a [TS]

  rare occurrence for me and I walk in and [TS]

  there's like Muzak playing and a guy [TS]

  walks by me in an apron and he says good [TS]

  morning and then somebody else walks [TS]

  past and it looks like and this grocery [TS]

  store looks like it looks like the [TS]

  grocery store there were john denver [TS]

  worked in oh god oh yeah yeah you know [TS]

  answer they knew how to run a goddamn [TS]

  brushes you know what I'm walking around [TS]

  and I go over to the deli counter and [TS]

  they're like oh would you like a stuffed [TS]

  pepper [TS]

  like a stuffed pepper how long has that [TS]

  been sitting there like you mean we just [TS]

  made him 20 minutes ago and I start to [TS]

  quiz the person like what about the ones [TS]

  you don't sell their like all we usually [TS]

  sell them all [TS]

  I'm like what about the ones you don't [TS]

  they're like oh we throw away like this [TS]

  is amazing this place this group this is [TS]

  a grocery these people are grocers and [TS]

  then I simply they're not simply [TS]

  preparing food it's not like in Florida [TS]

  where you could go by pretty good [TS]

  macaroni and cheese stuffed pepper is a [TS]

  pretty rarefied vertical market [TS]

  yeah i'm looking behind the counter and [TS]

  there are they're probably there are [TS]

  more people working behind the deli [TS]

  counter then there are customers in the [TS]

  store I was like it's amazing and this [TS]

  is why people buy their houses [TS]

  this is why people buy their houses in [TS]

  nice neighborhoods because they get nice [TS]

  grocery stores and the the cops don't [TS]

  fly helicopters over their houses in the [TS]

  middle of the night and the reason [TS]

  people buy houses in poor neighborhoods [TS]

  they can't afford houses in rich [TS]

  neighborhoods they don't have enough [TS]

  money because they don't have enough [TS]

  money i was having I was having a real [TS]

  eye-opening experience that the one with [TS]

  north side of town that have the more [TS]

  expensive homes in the better jobs make [TS]

  more money than the people that have a [TS]

  not as nice houses that's right and they [TS]

  have a nicer things there when they go [TS]

  through the storms they did just as just [TS]

  curious as a side note later they're [TS]

  stuffed peppers everybody get your [TS]

  knowledge there are no stuffed peppers [TS]

  at all and not even at my local like big [TS]

  grocery store are their stuffed peppers [TS]

  so so I was I was really I was not his [TS]

  left eye opener John and then i realized [TS]

  that i lived in my neighborhood because [TS]

  I didn't have a lot of money and I was [TS]

  like you got a lot you've got a lot of [TS]

  house for the day though that's a pretty [TS]

  nice place [TS]

  that's what they say that's what they [TS]

  say well ok can I suggest there might be [TS]

  one thread here [TS]

  ah money money yeah because here's what [TS]

  I think here's what I think your your [TS]

  your local and the upscale on northern [TS]

  place have in common and it is to turn [TS]

  then I'm going throughout called profit [TS]

  per square foot now it's my [TS]

  understanding that in the grocery racket [TS]

  the margins are thin at best [TS]

  right so so if you're going to sell [TS]

  flower right i mean you know if you go [TS]

  anywhere [TS]

  let's think about it [TS]

  urban like I want to like not a resort [TS]

  town but you go somewhere where there's [TS]

  very limited you know small footprint [TS]

  for the place where you buy stuff right [TS]

  you go in there they're gonna have some [TS]

  forty dollar crappy sunglasses got some [TS]

  $90 suntan lotion those $85 Marlboros or [TS]

  whatever you guys all stuff the tourists [TS]

  would want to buy the cost a lot but [TS]

  they don't have flour on sale because [TS]

  there's not i know this sounds obvious [TS]

  but again the important thing is money [TS]

  on flowers always a loss leader you get [TS]

  them people that's how you get him in [TS]

  for the flour and then maybe they stay [TS]

  for the stuff that's right give a little [TS]

  bit of sexy show a little bit of leg you [TS]

  say we got it we got in here but it was [TS]

  so anyway I I this is a i mean i think [TS]

  the point of money is is not is not [TS]

  obvious but i think that the deeper [TS]

  point is that this is why it's all about [TS]

  lottery tickets and fucking gift cards [TS]

  yeah for Franco for that matter is if [TS]

  they you know the the baffling part to [TS]

  me is in some ways in this is sad John [TS]

  there's a cultural critic i hope you [TS]

  remark on this but it's not to me so [TS]

  amazing that they don't have two liters [TS]

  of faygo at a reasonable retail price of [TS]

  that place where even that they don't [TS]

  cover be have cheese in there applause [TS]

  my name is that can remain profitable [TS]

  for that place on the north side to have [TS]

  an olive bar i'm trying to do a quick [TS]

  mental calculation to have something [TS]

  like 80 square feet of olive bar [TS]

  yeah she was that about right sweats a [TS]

  lot of square footage for olives [TS]

  yeah it is and that it is amazing that [TS]

  it can remain profitable but but I mean [TS]

  do I look at that stuff and I think it's [TS]

  it it's a thing when i go into a grocery [TS]

  store and I pick a thing of faygo up off [TS]

  the arms off the counter and look at it [TS]

  says 99 cents for two liters of faygo [TS]

  right i am for whatever reason much more [TS]

  conscious of how much money I'm spending [TS]

  and what I'm getting for that money then [TS]

  when I look at an olive bar where they [TS]

  say you know a cup with seven olives in [TS]

  it is only 14 99 but these all that [TS]

  they've got a hot food buffet that's [TS]

  like seventeen dollars a pound and but [TS]

  you don't think about you know your load [TS]

  into a state of sort of that uh of [TS]

  feeling like you this is the these are [TS]

  luxury items and it's worth it because [TS]

  this is especially it's my apps [TS]

  act because its bulk for one right you [TS]

  don't know you're gonna have to wait [TS]

  your own olives to find out how much [TS]

  money you're gonna oh my god check this [TS]

  out you're walking you're walking to the [TS]

  oh gosh oh god that's so embarrassing i [TS]

  always i own this is so undignified i [TS]

  went to a supermarket the other day and [TS]

  a different that this is not a nice [TS]

  supermarket of a regular shitty one and [TS]

  they're a bunch of people in line [TS]

  waiting to get through the supermarket [TS]

  and then there's this new check yourself [TS]

  out never go through then check this out [TS]

  i'm looking at it and I never do either [TS]

  because I feel like that whatever [TS]

  whatever amount of money that i'm paying [TS]

  to buy things at this store [TS]

  I want the human interaction i am paying [TS]

  for it anyway I want the person to touch [TS]

  my cans perfect and i want to bring it [TS]

  up and I want them to tell me to have a [TS]

  nice day and I want them to hold up the [TS]

  the receipt at the end and say oh mr. [TS]

  Roderick you saved for you like this [TS]

  exchanges I do it's a present it and the [TS]

  thing is it's factored into the price of [TS]

  my goods [TS]

  they're not giving me a discount to go [TS]

  over and check myself out [TS]

  you're screwing yourself out of money [TS]

  and time that's exactly right i have [TS]

  already paid for this person to talk to [TS]

  me and touch my cans [TS]

  mhm i do not i'm not going to go over [TS]

  and do it myself and talk to a robot [TS]

  unless I get ten percent all those [TS]

  robots are taciturn anyway so they are [TS]

  and I so I go over and it's one of these [TS]

  things where there's others like there's [TS]

  seven carts [TS]

  it's like somebody is it's like [TS]

  somebody's outfitting a ship that's [TS]

  going to see for a year and and and so i [TS]

  can't i can't wait in line I only got [TS]

  I've only got a handful of items i can't [TS]

  wait in line over there to talk to a [TS]

  human being so I go over to the [TS]

  electronic check out and I'm trying to [TS]

  navigate this thing and it's telling me [TS]

  to put my items in the in the bagging [TS]

  area and it's telling me to do all this [TS]

  stuff that I don't want to do I don't [TS]

  put my items in the bagging area he [TS]

  tells you that you place something in [TS]

  the wrong area in the wrong area that's [TS]

  right fuck does that mean it's saying it [TS]

  i placed in the wrong and I'm like I you [TS]

  know you're the customer John I'm going [TS]

  up the thing I'm like it's what I want [TS]

  it it's in the area that I want it now I [TS]

  don't put in your area and this thing is [TS]

  this thing is resolute it doesn't it [TS]

  doesn't listen to reason and so I I [TS]

  leaned over and there's that there's a [TS]

  employee a safe way and this is [TS]

  safeway store it safely employee there [TS]

  and I and I kind of leaned over and I [TS]

  said can you help me with this because [TS]

  the machine is telling me to and this [TS]

  employee the safeway employees having an [TS]

  argument with another employee of safety [TS]

  and they do not want to be interrupted [TS]

  by me and I'm like excuse me and they're [TS]

  like what i said that i was going to be [TS]

  there you know I said I said I got a 15 [TS]

  minute break and you said that above and [TS]

  they're having this this like Safeway [TS]

  employee argument right in front of you [TS]

  right in front of me and and like [TS]

  basically kind of like giving me the [TS]

  hand and I'm about to say where's your [TS]

  manager and I look and one of them's the [TS]

  manager of God and so I i I'm standing [TS]

  in between this robot that's that's [TS]

  that's giving me orders and a manager of [TS]

  a grocery store that is having not only [TS]

  having a public argument with one of her [TS]

  employees but it is but it is giving me [TS]

  the hand and so you know what I did who [TS]

  I stole a potato has your job gotten [TS]

  hotter than fresh pumpkin chili tired of [TS]

  kissing the wrong bird mired down by [TS]

  your managers fear of even the slightest [TS]

  prison in corporate discourse [TS]

  well you're not alone igloo software [TS]

  understand your pain igloo helps you [TS]

  work better with other people by keeping [TS]

  your team your files and your [TS]

  conversations together in one digital [TS]

  workplace [TS]

  you can even work from home and you're [TS]

  altogether sealed to your red leather [TS]

  chair just steps away from all your [TS]

  favorite globes candlesticks and cowboy [TS]

  boots as you do so go to glue [TS] / find your duck and sign [TS]

  up for your free 30-day trial bring your [TS]

  team in from the cold by getting inside [TS]

  the igloo in any case they had so much [TS]

  more than that coming i think you let [TS]

  them off easy it you you know you could [TS]

  have demanded a lot of satisfaction and [TS]

  given a very extensive and penetrating [TS]

  course in managerial procedure to that [TS]

  lady could have done but instead i just [TS]

  put some produce in my bag that i did [TS]

  not weigh and did not did not pay for [TS]

  and I felt [TS]

  felt ashamed of myself at the same time [TS]

  at the same time I felt like this is the [TS]

  cost [TS]

  this is the cost that you grocery store [TS]

  are going to incur for putting me [TS]

  through this [TS]

  this is my ten percent off you want to [TS]

  comment card here's the comment cards [TS]

  start counting up your fucking potatoes [TS]

  this is and in fact it was not a [TS]

  potatoes and onion now that i recall i [TS]

  call it was an onion not a potato but I [TS]

  said this onion is your time to know the [TS]

  kind onion it was well you know I have [TS]

  this problem all the time and that's why [TS]

  self-checkout is a clusterfuck and you [TS]

  really you want me to look it's a [TS]

  Bermuda onion is a white onion is a [TS]

  yellow onion scallion now you need to [TS]

  tell me the Merlin because you use [TS]

  person that knows this type of thing but [TS]

  I go and look at the onions and I'm [TS]

  gonna make you don't care what kind it [TS]

  is I just don't want to have to talk to [TS]

  a robot about what I put onion i put in [TS]

  the wrong place the wrong kind and [TS]

  Michael's run my card again this is [TS]

  before this this is what I have this [TS]

  problem before this I look at those 14 [TS]

  kinds of onions even a even a shitty [TS]

  safeway don't know the fucking [TS]

  difference between an onion [TS]

  this is another yellow onion this is a [TS]

  white onion am i picking it I really [TS]

  picking it because of color [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna throw it into a soup who [TS]

  tell me Merlin what is I just want you [TS]

  know what I want I want the right onion [TS]

  and I don't know how to tell the right [TS]

  onion iib I would be happy to give you [TS]

  some of my own practical heuristics on [TS]

  this it will be useful to you it would i [TS]

  would like a know how to choose the [TS]

  right because I look at these onions and [TS]

  I end up just picking one that looks [TS]

  friendly [TS]

  mhm i can look through the onions and [TS]

  i'm like i like i like this guy he's [TS]

  like him he's got a nice shape piece of [TS]

  who doesn't have any dancer brown spots [TS]

  yeah he's kind he's got a little bit of [TS]

  he's got a little little kind of papery [TS]

  outside but it kinda looks fresh as [TS]

  fresh as an onion I'll just I'll tell [TS]

  you the best that I now I mean I [TS]

  essentially setting sighs a site aside [TS]

  for a minute [TS]

  I mean obviously you can have your [TS]

  scallions or green onions if you want [TS]

  some little onions but by and large [TS]

  round dome you i think i think based yes [TS]

  / amongst the round onion I think [TS]

  there's basic it's not super complicated [TS]

  yes purple is why they're yellow there's [TS]

  like how much you want it to taste like [TS]

  an onion [TS]

  is the question and there is a continuum [TS]

  and it's not super complicated at the [TS]

  one you've got a white onion which is [TS]

  useless just the way I'm doesn't taste [TS]

  like anything why he doesn't really [TS]

  taste like an onion [TS]

  it's mhm its yeah it's sort of like it's [TS]

  like an Ivy League onion you gotta [TS]

  either got a purple onion which is a [TS]

  kind of a sweeter taste you got the [TS]

  classic yellow onion which is young you [TS]

  should buy I think a good good good get [TS]

  my yellow and unique I Bermuda onion [TS]

  which is funny because they're so big [TS]

  but again this is this is you know what [TS]

  we could be fine with yellow onions [TS]

  that's why you don't hear that i'm glad [TS]

  that you say that because that that [TS]

  dovetails with what with my [TS]

  decision-making process which is that if [TS]

  the thing has more color of a vegetable [TS]

  has more color i assume that it has more [TS]

  stuff in it you know like a yellow I by [TS]

  yellow onions instead of white ones [TS]

  because i assumed all yellow [TS]

  I you know you found da you found a meta [TS]

  pattern you ever have a white peach vs a [TS]

  yellow peach fuck that white peach going [TS]

  to teach people shit you don't want a [TS]

  white PT exactly you my darkest color of [TS]

  thing but you can get the richest the [TS]

  richest non rotten color and that's how [TS]

  you're going to find the right onion i [TS]

  think it's i think it said I think it's [TS]

  a terrific point but if you ever seen [TS]

  like a new checker I called checkers [TS]

  even knew checker we're going to flip [TS]

  flip flip flo you have to find out the [TS]

  price of the yeah it doesn't always have [TS]

  like a little sticker on or anything the [TS]

  end of this charging for artisanal kale [TS]

  when you're really buying fucking celery [TS]

  or something like that [TS]

  well you know I'm the guy that stands [TS]

  there after they checked me out and read [TS]

  the receipt checks everything checks [TS]

  everything I think safe we need your [TS]

  friction they feel like such a dick when [TS]

  I do it but and i'm always friendly but [TS]

  honestly I'm and you want to talk about [TS]

  supermarkets I would be I'm totally okay [TS]

  talk about supermarket I got a lot on [TS]

  supermarket I know you do I know you [TS]

  feel strongly about this [TS]

  well let me start with one thing just to [TS]

  get this out of the way first of all [TS]

  self checkout is for suckers [TS]

  it's really stupid the piano I have [TS]

  friends who insist I friend to insist [TS]

  that it is faster and more efficient and [TS]

  more pleasant and to them I say you are [TS]

  full of shit you know who those people [TS]

  are there the Union rat 0 and today [TS]

  that's not that's different to get [TS]

  uniforms they get uniforms these are the [TS]

  people who are complicit in their own [TS]

  haha [TS]

  that own enslavement got it they're the [TS]

  guys who run the block and they get a [TS]

  better fresh they're the ones who are [TS]

  like oh they made me this they made me [TS]

  the sheriff of nottingham so now I'm so [TS]

  I agree with their policies got it I got [TS]

  it I got it [TS]

  so yeah I i see those people all the [TS]

  time were like oh no this is way better [TS]

  i got this app on my iPhone that allows [TS]

  me to to pay for gasoline without taking [TS]

  a credit card out they are complicit [TS]

  your implicit in their own tacit [TS]

  cultural enslavement you didn't rat you [TS]

  didn't rat through you should get a [TS]

  yellow you rather away you know you can [TS]

  read quite right away why you let me ask [TS]

  you a question and this is this a [TS]

  rhetorical question so you know you can [TS]

  answer rhetorically if you want but have [TS]

  you ever stood at self checkout let's be [TS]

  honest self checkout line always longer [TS]

  because everybody's waiting for the [TS]

  convenience if you wait self-conscious [TS]

  like a fucking stand back I hate this [TS]

  but you stand there have been two ideas [TS]

  the deal with shopping carts who is [TS]

  coming up with this stuff but here's [TS]

  what bugs me is I i see that line i've [TS]

  tried to go through self checkout on [TS]

  maybe three occasions ever and i had [TS]

  precisely the same experience every time [TS]

  first of all it's a very long line of [TS]

  people who think of themselves as [TS]

  Mavericks yeah that's right those are [TS]

  the people the people would be a with [TS]

  whether it's like yeah [TS]

  bluetooth the telephone absolutely oh [TS]

  it's like you know on the one hand [TS]

  you've got like tall guys buying ice [TS]

  cream with minivans I with ice cream [TS]

  tall guys by a name brand fucking nun [TS]

  sandwich style ice cream right and and [TS]

  now you know and now they're not going [TS]

  to be bothered with all that [TS]

  flibbertigibbet of having to wait in [TS]

  line like a sucker they're all know [TS]

  they're gonna do this okay but then all [TS]

  you know the things within there are [TS]

  variety people and they're all stupid [TS]

  and then you get up there [TS]

  I have never seen I will say this I've [TS]

  seen some people have transactions on [TS]

  occasion that went without a hitch right [TS]

  I'm going to say seventy nine times out [TS]

  of 87 times there's some glitch the [TS]

  robot yells at you it didn't like your [TS]

  card LOL oh you wanna buy some vodka can [TS]

  haha about three you know here's the [TS]

  thing people who are good at the [TS]

  self-checkout having gone through a [TS]

  self-training where they've gone and [TS]

  they they have spent the time and energy [TS]

  to be trained by this machine how do [TS]

  uses the machine will you know if you [TS]

  use if you do it for John's the thin end [TS]

  of the wedge yeah the Machine trains you [TS]

  and then they're good at and they're [TS]

  like look at me but I'm gonna look at [TS]

  this I can scan really well but of all [TS]

  the people of all the things that I want [TS]

  to be trained in of all the like welding [TS]

  classes I could be taking or like [TS]

  artistic macrame I could be doing [TS]

  whatever the last thing I want to spend [TS]

  my mental and emotional energy on is [TS]

  being trained by a supermarket computer [TS]

  how to use it to buy onions to buy to [TS]

  buy onions that I could be talking to [TS]

  the checker download your mind when you [TS]

  don't understand from robots to think [TS]

  the better than you [TS]

  that's right that is galling it's really [TS]

  going and you know I like there are lots [TS]

  of things I I I have allowed myself to [TS]

  be trained to do like using a Macintosh [TS]

  computer which everyone says oh this is [TS]

  the that's so user-friendly well its [TS]

  user-friendly if you sit in front of it [TS]

  and let it train you to understand its [TS]

  impenetrable internal logic right like [TS]

  i've been using them long enough now [TS]

  that I kind of understand how the how [TS]

  the people how the dopes in California [TS]

  who designed the way this machine thanks [TS]

  how those dopes think like I i I've [TS]

  worked through it you know and I i was [TS]

  forced to let this machine trained me to [TS]

  use it because there's no other way to [TS]

  interact with human beings anymore if [TS]

  you don't know how to use your stupid [TS]

  macintosh computer [TS]

  yeah I I have to agree with you and [TS]

  talking to your mom about the old days [TS]

  and as a strategy using the command line [TS]

  application you know like like you know [TS]

  you might be familiar with us right [TS]

  like it or using an Apple inches i don't [TS]

  know this before can even command lines [TS]

  let alone gooeys this is back when you [TS]

  know had get the four cards even I think [TS]

  actually SAT there with a soldering iron [TS]

  on a computer and then made the program [TS]

  she really I mean she spoke machine [TS]

  language and she spoke it like at the [TS]

  dinner table but when i was an [TS]

  eight-year-old there were times when I [TS]

  would put my head out because you don't [TS]

  go to go to room and my mom and I were [TS]

  good friends my whole life and she would [TS]

  come home from work and she be so [TS]

  excited about having solved this this [TS]

  problem in these mainframe computers [TS]

  that were the size of oil tankers [TS]

  and uh and she would start talking to me [TS]

  about it you know i'm a tour not here so [TS]

  old I would sometimes put my head down [TS]

  on the paper because i was because my [TS]

  brain was so full of numbers and lying [TS]

  lines and and you know she's just so [TS]

  excited about it she's really wants to [TS]

  talk to me about it i was trying to be [TS]

  cool and show off that every single [TS]

  technology i came up with an old [TS]

  technologies like oh no this is before [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah well I'm checking her and I'm sure [TS]

  she said this to you but her principal [TS]

  the way she interacts with the modern [TS]

  world is she said for the first 40 years [TS]

  of computers we worked into the night to [TS]

  make sure that no user ever experienced [TS]

  an error and we tested and tested and [TS]

  tested and tested until there were no [TS]

  errors and she said as soon as Microsoft [TS]

  took over the world and as soon as you [TS]

  know the the software became the [TS]

  technology [TS]

  she said from that point on the policy [TS]

  has been sent the errors out people will [TS]

  find them and that's how you improve [TS]

  your product [TS]

  you really know your users will report [TS]

  errors back to you and then you refine [TS]

  your product based on people out there [TS]

  using a thing they paid for that there's [TS]

  a little tell us that these peaches are [TS]

  back [TS]

  yeah exactly and she's like she's like [TS]

  it drives me freaking crazy and I mean I [TS]

  we were we were using computers to put a [TS]

  man on the moon we did not have the [TS]

  luxury of errors but now your machine [TS]

  crashes your your device goes you know [TS]

  tits up your this year this happens to [TS]

  that happens you can't get it to let the [TS]

  Diagnostics say the diagnostic says the [TS]

  network diagnostics is the network [TS]

  didn't work [TS]

  yeah run the diagnostic it doesn't work [TS]

  great thank you did you try unplugging [TS]

  your device I'm gonna fucking shoot you [TS]

  now would you like to have a live chat [TS]

  and then she's like she's like there's [TS]

  no reason there is no earthly reason why [TS]

  they could not make that what why they [TS]

  could not make these products error-free [TS]

  the only reason they don't is that is [TS]

  more expensive and so yeah so they just [TS]

  they they push it out the door they know [TS]

  it's not ready they know it's not good [TS]

  and you know and then they keep and then [TS]

  they send you an update and the update [TS]

  is a product of of 5,000 people being so [TS]

  frustrated that they're pulling their [TS]

  hair out and then it's like oh we [TS]

  figured out that this needs an update [TS]

  because it doesn't fucking work and she [TS]

  you know so she has this Mickey 78 years [TS]

  old she's seen it all but she has this [TS]

  feeling about about the lives that we're [TS]

  leading and the interaction we have with [TS]

  machines and she's like you what you're [TS]

  interacting with is someone on the other [TS]

  side of the corporation who decided that [TS]

  it wasn't worth the extra 50 man-hours [TS]

  to make the thing work right in the case [TS]

  of something like nuts like Microsoft in [TS]

  particular but really anybody's making [TS]

  consumer products you're trying to make [TS]

  something that's brought enough to sell [TS]

  to a lot of people it's got to do so [TS]

  broadly do so many different sorts of [TS]

  things generally and then there's you [TS]

  know the more stuff that something does [TS]

  the more things there are to test more [TS]

  things there are to go wrong when you [TS]

  buy a car with power windows like that's [TS]

  something that's gonna break right when [TS]

  you get that kind of stuff it you know [TS]

  here's the other thing mr. car with [TS]

  power windows because if you go off a [TS]

  breakdown [TS]

  you can't get out here your cars [TS]

  thinking I really like that we're gonna [TS]

  do you might have to have one of those [TS]

  have you seen those things that they [TS]

  sell the hammer thing went window hammer [TS]

  but but your your sense of my favorite [TS]

  to the black metal bands window hammer [TS]

  window amer your car is sinking in a [TS]

  cold river in the middle of the night [TS]

  and you're going to find that fucking [TS]

  window hammer that you have in your [TS]

  glovebox gotta rehearse [TS]

  I don't think oh that's right so you [TS]

  have to rehearse this is why this is why [TS]

  it might bring himself to use the window [TS]

  hammer again now the cars training you [TS]

  the cars training you [TS]

  the car is training you because because [TS]

  it because the false luxury of a of an [TS]

  automatic but you actually that just one [TS]

  quick Darrell to myself is this is why [TS]

  I've never gotten the hang of most voice [TS]

  recognition software like I have friends [TS]

  I've my friends listen to the show have [TS]

  written you know 50,000 word pieces of [TS]

  writing using dictation but the thing is [TS]

  yeah yeah it but you have to train the [TS]

  dictation this is the fight part one [TS]

  quick you have to go to court train the [TS]

  dictation you have to do is try that one [TS]

  time and this dictation program produced [TS]

  four pages of the most incredible Dada [TS]

  poetry [TS]

  yes I I minded for lyrics for 10 years [TS]

  but but it never it never once produced [TS]

  III was just as i can tell you as part [TS]

  of the live chat here i can i can tell [TS]

  you basically what the likely problem [TS]

  was it was you didn't quote-unquote [TS]

  train the software are we having a live [TS]

  chat [TS]

  it's not what you just said my name is [TS]

  Lawrence and I am to be enjoying [TS]

  volleyball player isn't it funny that [TS]

  the chatroulette that's why did i get so [TS]

  uncomfortable but this is the method to [TS]

  this the case here's the funny thing so [TS]

  they call that training the software [TS]

  right but really it's the software [TS]

  training you it's you it's you learning [TS]

  to speak when you when you open up [TS]

  dragon dictate it shows you about 34 [TS]

  pages of things that you read and it [TS]

  tells you how well that you're doing it [TS]

  recommends that you speak try to imagine [TS]

  speaking a like a newscaster with a [TS]

  neutral and so anyway you have no [TS]

  they're training you how to talk period [TS]

  new space news new line new line but [TS]

  here's the thing and you're really onto [TS]

  something I think with the grocery [TS]

  checkout thing is this bigger pattern [TS]

  setting aside from OSHA come back to the [TS]

  profit per square foot but it's really [TS]

  about making something seemed now i'm [TS]

  talking like I'm doing dragon dictation [TS]

  it's about making something seem like [TS]

  it's good for you when it's really just [TS]

  easy for the company that's what it is [TS]

  it's cheap it's cheap because you don't [TS]

  have to pay that idiot manager to sit [TS]

  there and and run your coaches over a [TS]

  scanner my god heaven forfend and this [TS]

  happens to us all the time mrs. part of [TS]

  that this is part of how we are [TS]

  domesticated so that we can live with [TS]

  one another like I understand that a red [TS]

  light at a at a stoplight at an [TS]

  intersection it is not natural for me to [TS]

  come to that thing and stop i have been [TS]

  trained and have trained myself to [TS]

  recognize that red light is not it's not [TS]

  just an an alert about a potential [TS]

  danger but it has become just a thing [TS]

  that now i acquiesce to without thinking [TS]

  I stopped at the red light even if [TS]

  there's nobody around i stopped at the [TS]

  red light just as a matter of course I [TS]

  have trained myself to do it [TS]

  nominally for the most part and during [TS]

  the day during the day and if it's not [TS]

  an intersection that I know well enough [TS]

  to know that the red light doesn't [TS]

  belong there to serving suggestion to [TS]

  her plenty of red lights and stop signs [TS]

  in this city that I have determined [TS]

  are superfluous to my needs and I don't [TS]

  stop at them but let's still were just [TS]

  talking about let's say a red light in a [TS]

  strange town but at the point at which i [TS]

  am being trained in that same way like [TS]

  here's a red light stop the same kind of [TS]

  unconscious training that happens we're [TS]

  the only point of that training is to is [TS]

  to improve the profit margin of a [TS]

  company that I hate that is where i [TS]

  repel and and and generally like it when [TS]

  i when i go through the supermarket [TS]

  checkout line and talk to a real human [TS]

  being I am conscious of the fact that is [TS]

  actually taking it's actually costing [TS]

  the store more you understand it when [TS]

  yeah i'm i'm i'm aware that that my [TS]

  interaction with this person like [TS]

  aggregated over over 10,000 interactions [TS]

  cost the store more than if i went [TS]

  through the checkout and I am and there [TS]

  are certain stores in certain retail [TS]

  encounters that I have where I i used [TS]

  that as a punitive measure like I go I [TS]

  go through the process in the most [TS]

  labor-intensive way possible as a way of [TS]

  like punishing the company i know it's a [TS]

  small thing but it's how i could only [TS]

  you directly punish the company [TS]

  well there are there have to be ways you [TS]

  will see this is this is able to take [TS]

  off your clothes yeah exactly through [TS]

  the chair through the window but see [TS]

  that's my problem is I go and I go in [TS]

  there and i got i'm going to go up I'm [TS]

  gonna go pick up when i get a magazine [TS]

  I'm gonna get some yogurt and made a [TS]

  handle of tequila and the lines are now [TS]

  going down down all the way down the [TS]

  aisles and so you know how I give it to [TS]

  the man I put all those things I got [TS]

  down i just put it down and walk out [TS]

  like that'll show right because like all [TS]

  I'm doing is all you're doing is making [TS]

  work for somebody who's gonna have to go [TS]

  clean that up right [TS]

  it's a shame that your potato cannot be [TS]

  registered you know in some way or using [TS]

  your onion could be registered in a way [TS]

  that could express your descent in a [TS]

  more muscular way than being just short [TS]

  and onion that's a goddamn shame well [TS]

  and I feel like I feel like the because [TS]

  routinely in i think this happens to me [TS]

  at least once a day maybe sometimes on a [TS]

  bad day five times a day but where I [TS]

  come up to the counter and I see that [TS]

  that [TS]

  a store is being run badly or a [TS]

  situation a commercial situation is [TS]

  being managed poorly and it costs them [TS]

  my business like I look at it and I go [TS]

  right i was about to spend X number of [TS]

  dollars here but because i don't approve [TS]

  of the way the stores being run I it is [TS]

  costing them my business and that is a [TS]

  way I I and that is a it's a mute thing [TS]

  I don't go to the manager and say you [TS]

  know this cost you my business is your [TS]

  mind bullets i just sent my mind bullets [TS]

  out and I say boom i'm not buying this [TS]

  now I'm not shopping here but i think a [TS]

  big part of of why I do that why that is [TS]

  a mantra is that a lot of people go into [TS]

  those commercial situations and the [TS]

  frustration builds up in them but they [TS]

  need the thing where they think they [TS]

  need the thing that they're there to buy [TS]

  and so they endure the the shitty the [TS]

  shitty exchange or there but they're [TS]

  storing up all the all the frustration [TS]

  and anger in themselves you know because [TS]

  they because they have put their need [TS]

  above any other consideration and so I [TS]

  need the need exists in obscurity and [TS]

  they're almost worshipping that need in [TS]

  a way that has been setting aside the [TS]

  culture dignity the need is way up in [TS]

  the clouds its way up above where they [TS]

  can see and so they're in these [TS]

  situations that are just like I am [TS]

  there's nothing i can do i need this [TS]

  thing and I just now they're kinda mad [TS]

  at themselves to their there and it [TS]

  turns into a form of self-hate and this [TS]

  so what I do in those situations is my [TS]

  primary interaction and my the need is [TS]

  is below the desire to have a positive [TS]

  exchange like if I can't have a positive [TS]

  exchange then the need goes away and [TS]

  it's a way of like of of keeping myself [TS]

  saying in a in a world that does not [TS]

  care about me as a customer now is this [TS]

  all inward turning is this internal soft [TS]

  regulation a kind of anger meditation or [TS]

  are you how is this how is this was the [TS]

  healthiness in this well by saying like [TS]

  you're not getting my business but not [TS]

  saying it but not saying not saying to [TS]

  people just saying it to myself okay you [TS]

  getting my business hey it then I then I [TS]

  kind of have a moment where you're like [TS]

  a really personal complaint department [TS]

  I but i will go across the street or [TS]

  down the block or across town to a [TS]

  different store if if I if I actually [TS]

  need a thing rather than then have a bad [TS]

  customer service experience with a [TS]

  shitty story that's being run poorly and [TS]

  it's a small thing but I think if more [TS]

  of us thought this way it does this is [TS]

  this is precisely this is precisely [TS]

  capitalism as it is meant to work or [TS]

  capitalism as they discuss its evolution [TS]

  as intended to where everyone would [TS]

  discuss it as Babylon has cited numerous [TS]

  times this is how it should work supply [TS]

  and demand [TS]

  well you know the there if you're stuck [TS]

  you're stuck in yuan Fei go out in [TS]

  John's a hood let me say network ping [TS]

  pong but if you want that well you know [TS]

  you may be out of luck and you may have [TS]

  to satisfy for a doctor fig on right [TS]

  this is precisely why i never ever ever [TS]

  go into this little Korean bottega by my [TS]

  house because I went in there five years [TS]

  ago when I moved in here and the kid [TS]

  looked up from his video game and he [TS]

  said what's half-and-half yeah and I [TS]

  never went back [TS]

  just echoes in your head that was like [TS]

  me and the racist fireman bar i'm so [TS]

  excited more than the racist fireman bar [TS]

  when I first moved in placed on the [TS]

  corner [TS]

  I was like those reasons of a new it's [TS]

  amazing grace its Mason Reese the child [TS]

  actor who still a child oddly enough in [TS]

  a pituitary problem [TS]

  no I was so excited because you know I i [TS]

  was excited in Florida have a place like [TS]

  a kind of call my own my little sort of [TS]

  shares fireman bar there in your new [TS]

  house Connor Connors yeah yeah yeah but [TS]

  yeah yeah i think it was about that the [TS]

  first time I went and he walked me past [TS]

  the first time I met you and you're like [TS]

  that's a great experiment bar I never go [TS]

  in there it sucks i went in there like [TS]

  oh this is cool it's kind of blue collar [TS]

  and I went in there and within within [TS]

  the first couple seconds hurt nigger sit [TS]

  around all day watching TV hot attacked [TS]

  attire and it's like well i checked [TS]

  least I up and i'm not saying that they [TS]

  did up [TS]

  I'm saying naked I mean they really let [TS]

  it peel and that was just ok and they [TS]

  just they were throwing lucky charms at [TS]

  each other [TS]

  apparently these folks just watch TV and [TS]

  their women and they keep getting [TS]

  promotions and they they love their TV [TS]

  these folks apparently forty-seven [TS]

  percent of the population and so I [TS]

  didn't you nobody is a funny thing [TS]

  there's several places in my [TS]

  neighborhood that only in the last [TS]

  couple years have i returned to after [TS]

  what you're describing which is the [TS]

  initial like whoa experience this [TS]

  replacement you know about money hands [TS]

  you know the iso places what he's [TS]

  amazing he's amazing your neighbor and [TS]

  you not told you this before but one [TS]

  reason i love that guy i have an Inside [TS]

  Man here in the neighborhood who is in [TS]

  the merchants association tells me all [TS]

  the dirt and what's great about that [TS]

  place in our favor so I think I told you [TS]

  this is that it's it's not just purely [TS]

  amazing that they had cats in the [TS]

  kitchen [TS]

  here's here's the really really cool [TS]

  part about it is they didn't mind that [TS]

  there were cats in the kitchen they [TS]

  weren't they were to strip the healthy [TS]

  people didn't mind here's the thing no [TS]

  no no money and money hands had cats and [TS]

  pitch and here's here's where it gets [TS]

  great so you think oh haha that's funny [TS]

  they're silly they're mad and trying to [TS]

  shoot cats out with a broom or they're [TS]

  insane and like cats hanging around [TS]

  no no it's much weirder than that just [TS]

  happened to be cats persistently in the [TS]

  kitchen and they it just was just thing [TS]

  oh so that's a dim sum place we go to [TS]

  all the time [TS]

  that's the best dim sum of the world i [TS]

  had dim sum for breakfast the other day [TS]

  I was so jealous i saw your photograph [TS]

  is very doing things you get 60 mi that [TS]

  I could see right in front of you [TS]

  yeah is what when she came in she said [TS]

  to my I was like give me to give me to [TS]

  keep moving keep moving it was basically [TS]

  keep badgering you while you're eating [TS]

  to get more got it was the worst we hang [TS]

  that not the worst but I mean we we [TS]

  showed up we were shown to our table i [TS]

  was putting the baby in her little baby [TS]

  seat by mistake about that is already a [TS]

  woman there with the cart like trying to [TS]

  foist sugar covered pork buns on me and [TS]

  I'm like hey lady I got my coat on still [TS]

  I haven't even sat down all know that [TS]

  that is hard sales that is you know what [TS]

  that is that's fucking meeting that's [TS]

  when she looked at me like she doesn't [TS]

  speak English em some dim sum boiler [TS]

  room is what it is they're on ok [TS]

  actually the dim sum guy in your [TS]

  neighborhood he never washes his hands [TS]

  yeah and who has now I not only talking [TS]

  money that's in the kitchen but somehow [TS]

  stickin outta here cisco is fine with [TS]

  this guy may never shut him down and I [TS]

  think our entire I think our entire [TS]

  health inspection thing is a total [TS]

  racket i'm pretty sure to two places [TS]

  that night well one place that I've been [TS]

  to a few times in another place I've [TS]

  been to a lot of times have been shut [TS]

  down in the last couple months for what [TS]

  I would just say are some fairly [TS]

  egregious problems [TS]

  yeah yeah yeahs a place that I like when [TS]

  people come to town I was taken to this [TS]

  where we're going to that place too long [TS]

  vietnamese place yeah with eric i think [TS]

  yeah yeah they had live and dead roaches [TS]

  the eggs that have been out for three [TS]

  days it was just really pretty bad [TS]

  it's like all the way down the line I [TS]

  think they'd live and dead mice and [TS]

  that's you know pick one you don't have [TS]

  the ice dead mice and live mice so even [TS]

  the mics are kind of like you know not [TS]

  real picky i'm gonna want talking to you [TS]

  I'm I'm standing up now [TS]

  yes i'm going to swat a fly yeah please [TS]

  go ahead with this map of Central [TS]

  American let's see if this works [TS]

  oh haha costa rica oh my god live and [TS]

  dead flies in here live and dead red [TS]

  lightning strange tell you that fly down [TS]

  there are no life was i I realize you're [TS]

  probably not a not a big that can t [TS]

  stand again trust your mechanic this is [TS]

  the problem trust your mechanic the guy [TS]

  that you go to that you go into and you [TS]

  say hey like your dad right [TS]

  your dad needs his car so you're dead [TS]

  this is adding photos became he needed a [TS]

  car so that he could drive to his [TS]

  mechanic every week to find out what [TS]

  needed to be fixed about his car is that [TS]

  a fair assessment that is exactly [TS]

  correct [TS]

  okay well god bless your dad but that's [TS]

  kind of typical not that typifies the [TS]

  cultural problem that we're talking [TS]

  about here in some ways isn't it is i [TS]

  have learned this learned training by by [TS]

  these very societal robots [TS]

  yeah well I I mean I feel like that's a [TS]

  lot of people's relationship to alcohol [TS]

  too [TS]

  I need this alcohol to get over these [TS]

  problems that are being caused by the [TS]

  meeting alcohol the real ones float [TS]

  oh that's good John that's good [TS]

  um here's my problem um I wish [TS]

  self-checkout works and in some ways I [TS]

  think self-checkout is the thin and a [TS]

  surprising wedge like I i think that is [TS]

  a stupid fucking hack on top of [TS]

  something from basically the 19th [TS]

  century which is waiting in line to have [TS]

  somebody bring up your stuff like if you [TS]

  think about it like if you're going to [TS]

  really try to if you like up and that [TS]

  paradigm it wouldn't be to make a [TS]

  slightly shittier version of a shitty [TS]

  process right it would be to do [TS]

  something smart like what I with you [TS]

  well I mean like in some ways let's be [TS]

  honest it's going to go the way of [TS]

  amazon if there's any sense to this [TS]

  you'll make a giant grocery order and go [TS]

  pick it up somewhere [TS]

  ryan the guy in a brown in a brown suit [TS]

  is going to show up at your house with [TS]

  your groceries not necessarily but see [TS]

  like walmart for years as is goofy and [TS]

  scary as Walmart is like they're really [TS]

  smart like they use our face they know [TS]

  where everything is they know everything [TS]

  about their their supply chain the way [TS]

  they've been able to do what they do is [TS]

  they have these warehouses all over the [TS]

  place it's super lean just-in-time other [TS]

  douche talk but but but here's the thing [TS]

  so how are you improve this okay here's [TS]

  me here's me okay this is me at safeway [TS]

  where I'm just always so angry [TS]

  where I'm just always so angry [TS]

  I'm so fucking angry at safeway so [TS]

  here's me and your and your beloved [TS]

  cashiers this is this is my transaction [TS]

  ok I've got here's what I've got I've [TS]

  got to I got some yogurt [TS]

  I got some tequila I got some lime juice [TS]

  and I got 4 replies [TS]

  oh right okay ready this is a daily [TS]

  thing right [TS]

  hey 444 revised it's like this every day [TS]

  yeah that's my favorite howling love [TS]

  songs and and so I'm greeted i'm greeted [TS]

  in this incredibly grim way to go [TS]

  uh-oh did you find everything in here [TS]

  today i said and i go and you can't [TS]

  really see some fairly making noise I [TS]

  mostly just nodding my head as if to say [TS]

  no like I just I don't even respond well [TS]

  why the fuck you care for that way you [TS]

  know why cause I told you to say that is [TS]

  for anything any ok you are you enjoying [TS]

  your day [TS]

  thank you did you have a loyalty park [TS]

  you type in your your front of us so get [TS]

  me a debit or credit cash would you like [TS]

  to donate a dollar for a penis cancer [TS]

  no thank you I like penis cancer i would [TS]

  like to see it continue [TS]

  did you see that we have mms on sale ah [TS]

  i did thank you [TS]

  mm-hmm stakes yummy [TS]

  oh wow you really you really have to [TS]

  have a real chatter yes yummy lime are [TS]

  you making pie [TS]

  no I'm putting it in the fucking tequila [TS]

  you piece of shit [TS]

  now listen that the I think you're doing [TS]

  this wrong and I hate to be a one that [TS]

  tells you you're doing something wrong [TS]

  did you bring your bags no I didn't [TS]

  bring my bags are putting my backpack [TS]

  thank you for saving a tree here's your [TS]

  receipt at 16 feet long with seven [TS]

  coupons i leave sitting there [TS]

  fuck you i think i think the same [TS]

  approach to cashiers that I do taxi [TS]

  drivers times I i I'd say turn it off it [TS]

  they say hi welcome to to safeway and [TS]

  already have your customer card and I [TS]

  say yeah right here so i know when i say [TS]

  and I say so where you from [TS]

  uh-huh well where where'd you grow up [TS]

  and they're like huh [TS]

  I'm from I'm from around here and I'm [TS]

  like oh really right around here the [TS]

  neighborhood and they're like I me know [TS]

  and then you turn the tables on them and [TS]

  then pretty soon your final round [TS]

  mm okay and then a guy that behind you [TS]

  he's trying to buy the 8-pack of imodium [TS]

  is this kind of tapping his foot a [TS]

  little bit while the guy behind me it [TS]

  was trying to buy a pair of imodium is [TS]

  like you know what I'm not gonna shop [TS]

  here today because this is a constant [TS]

  rate so he steals and I mean he puts the [TS]

  mountain down and see us magazine rack [TS]

  skills and onion for okay here and [TS]

  that's how i do my part I know you from [TS]

  your from you you get it back to them [TS]

  you give as good as you get your selling [TS]

  the salesman right you're watching the [TS]

  watchmen even better I don't let don't [TS]

  let a clerk give me his memorized [TS]

  pattern [TS]

  are you kidding me but seriously John IP [TS]

  they have a sign back there with three [TS]

  bullets on about the three things you're [TS]

  supposed to say to every customer number [TS]

  one is accidentally found gives me [TS]

  memorized pattern [TS]

  oh my goal is immediately to break their [TS]

  pattern and to get them to fight to get [TS]

  your gonna ask them a question for which [TS]

  there is no tab in the binder when [TS]

  somebody comes to my door and they want [TS]

  to talk to me about Jehovah I i [TS]

  immediately I don't let them go three [TS]

  words into a pattern your panty smells [TS]

  like grape juice [TS]

  yeah I get all Rob Delaney on my mind [TS]

  however is your bush haha yeah this is [TS]

  you know like we end up you know they [TS]

  end up coming in we end up getting to [TS]

  know each other [TS]

  yeah I had a friend i have a friend who [TS]

  is it a DJ at the college radio station [TS]

  she's great she's great musician she's a [TS]

  really nice person but I I later found [TS]

  out it was a friend of mine who had been [TS]

  terrorizing her which was pretty much [TS]

  all the time if she did anything more [TS]

  than back announced what the song was [TS]

  and say what's coming up my friend call [TS]

  her on the phone and say let's talk more [TS]

  Rokk to hang up the phone every time [TS]

  let's talk more Rokk and she would cook [TS]

  should be in tears and found that it's [TS]

  actually a friend of mine really good [TS]

  friend of mine but I wondering if that [TS]

  can be our onion replacement is talk [TS]

  more Rokk how did you find everything [TS]

  you need less talk more rokk I'm okay [TS]

  are you doing today let's talk more Rokk [TS]

  you have less talk more rokk did you [TS]

  want penis and less talk more rokk penis [TS]

  get less talk more rokk less tell us [TS]

  more rock you know what that should be [TS]

  there should be a long line teacher I [TS]

  mean we already [TS]

  a lot of people i think it's cute it's [TS]

  certainly a companion piece to keep [TS]

  moving and get out of the way but what I [TS]

  like about that though is it's like it's [TS]

  like Hitler it's something everybody can [TS]

  understand [TS]

  yeah right let's talk more Rokk I just [TS]

  love that your friend is sitting there [TS]

  listening to the radio boy's body on [TS]

  sunday morning acoustic show is gonna [TS]

  stick that's a shot Coleman chef and [TS]

  Dave picks up the phone and it's been [TS]

  poor jen is their answers the phone now [TS]

  you know the BBFS let's talk more Rokk I [TS]

  I you know what is the John it is awful [TS]

  of a person as I am especially in public [TS]

  I'm not such an awful person in private [TS]

  and you know you seen scott me try to [TS]

  make the waitress like it's it's hard to [TS]

  watch [TS]

  yeah yeah have you seen this have you [TS]

  seen as both really go out there to make [TS]

  the waitress like us it's perhaps I [TS]

  genuinely want to be like my and that's [TS]

  my problem with the onion is that i wish [TS]

  i wish there was an onion that I could [TS]

  throw directly at pleasanton california [TS]

  because I don't want to hurt the safeway [TS]

  cashier person because that person is [TS]

  just doing a shitty job I feel bad [TS]

  having to tell this woman who looks like [TS]

  a manatee let's talk more Rokk because [TS]

  she just reading off the fucking card [TS]

  but John can I just say what happens [TS]

  when we all start reading off the [TS]

  fucking card what happens today in land [TS]

  sale in it now while Sudetenland what [TS]

  fishy your fishy you can you get a you [TS]

  become what is it a skate rotten you [TS]

  know skater that students cater but [TS]

  there are there are many many many of us [TS]

  and I mean and I ride on cars John I [TS]

  don't read often i hate to constantly be [TS]

  the voice now in this podcast that [TS]

  sounds like like some kind of crazy tea [TS]

  partier who doesn't understand politics [TS]

  but uh but there's there are many many [TS]

  of us were never thought you'd reached a [TS]

  quiet date on the tea party and then [TS]

  figure the thing about somebody who's [TS]

  working in a store and this is the or [TS]

  working in a restaurant or working [TS]

  anywhere at this is the thing about you [TS]

  waitress appeasers that I keep trying to [TS]

  get through your heads is that dignity [TS]

  dignity [TS]

  they're working a five-hour shift they [TS]

  are not on salary so they're it's a [TS]

  five-hour shift whether you send them [TS]

  back to check to see if there's a [TS]

  blackberry pie or not [TS]

  it's the same five-hour shift whether or [TS]

  not you put your imodium AD down in [TS]

  front of the US magazines and walk out [TS]

  of the store and somebody has to take it [TS]

  back like it's the same final challenge [TS]

  it's it's it's a fixed pie so the thing [TS]

  is they're going to pay people to be at [TS]

  the store whether that's counting onions [TS]

  removing the modem from us magazines or [TS]

  are collecting the money for penis [TS]

  cancer it's all going to be comes out of [TS]

  the same big rotten pot yeah and-and-and [TS]

  the mentality that waitress appeasers a [TS]

  bring into the world is that this [TS]

  cashier or this waitress has something [TS]

  very important to do or that her time is [TS]

  somehow so valuable bet you can't you [TS]

  don't want to bother her to ask her to [TS]

  go back and check again to make sure [TS]

  that they know you're slicing my I mean [TS]

  you're slicing my onion a little bit [TS]

  because i am not doing the liberal who [TS]

  your job is really hard [TS]

  No thank you I'm not doing that I just [TS]

  want her to like me [TS]

  yeah i know you wanted you know that was [TS]

  a little different look at that is you [TS]

  don't want you don't want to send her on [TS]

  a wild goose chase but the thing is a [TS]

  five-hour shift she's there anything you [TS]

  sent on a wild goose chase maybe she [TS]

  gets goes back there and has a menthol [TS]

  cigarette before she comes back you know [TS]

  I could be getting her [TS]

  it's an opportunity cigarette it's an [TS]

  opportunity cigarettes and so when I [TS]

  walk around grocery stores and I decide [TS]

  hey you know what the line is too long [TS]

  i'm going to put this carton of milk [TS]

  down right here in front of their like [TS]

  point-of-purchase display offering me [TS]

  the opportunity to to buy a super-large [TS]

  candy bar and I'm just gonna walk out of [TS]

  this store [TS]

  oh yeah some kid has to come along and [TS]

  put that thing back but that kid's gonna [TS]

  be he's just he's just always gonna have [TS]

  a feeling it's still cold now that goes [TS]

  right back huh [TS]

  doesn't matter that why did we go to [TS]

  grocery stores you can be covered with [TS]

  multiple with moss and he would put it [TS]

  back in them but nobody's gonna make [TS]

  sure efficient this photo with you but [TS]

  that where I really get the suggested [TS]

  cells at walgreens and i have a photo [TS]

  that i shared on my internet site which [TS]

  was a picture of a big rack of Eminem's [TS]

  that I've been pointed to because [TS]

  there's a his name's fan fan is one of [TS]

  my check out guys and not to be confused [TS]

  with pops4 guy trade x-men comics with [TS]

  this is this is fan and I think he's man [TS]

  fans part of the mammoth fan with a PM [TS]

  with a PhD was Jason for a while but now [TS]

  I think he's going back to life and [TS]

  melon [TS]

  him that his given name is this Kunis is [TS]

  fan Mellencamp Mellencamp and he says [TS]

  he's here we have mms on sale and i said [TS]

  yes i did but as you can see here i am [TS]

  buying a quart of chocolate fudge [TS]

  brownie ice cream so I think I'm good [TS]

  the best of all my hand to god I'll show [TS]

  you this photo of this market the short [TS]

  it is literally it is it is a a sign can [TS]

  write next to the eminence in the [TS]

  snickers bar where you can donate for [TS]

  diabetes research [TS]

  oh wow it's no penis cancer but it's [TS]

  something [TS]

  oh this is an example of a other thing [TS]

  I'm still mad at my iphone about this [TS]

  this happened nine months ago but i was [TS]

  at the grocery store late at night and [TS]

  I'm looking for i'm looking for a ribeye [TS]

  or store some imodium really love their [TS]

  line tonight and I and and so there used [TS]

  to be a grocery store it down in this [TS]

  neighborhood where I live because others [TS]

  to the grocery store that had a very big [TS]

  kosher section because in addition to [TS]

  all the South Pacific Islanders there is [TS]

  a large contingent of orthodox jews who [TS]

  live nearby in a non claim that is [TS]

  surrounded by a wire Simone's love a [TS]

  nosh but so there was there was there [TS]

  was a section of the of the that was all [TS]

  kosher and then the grocery store that [TS]

  had the kosher section decided that that [TS]

  was not a good use of square footage or [TS]

  something or they close their I don't [TS]

  remember what happened but but so there [TS]

  was all of a sudden now at diaspora of [TS]

  kosher foods virtual accidents every [TS]

  little grocery store an exodus of kosher [TS]

  food in the neighborhood had to start [TS]

  stocking some glatt a ground beef in [TS]

  order to accommodate this community of [TS]

  people who who cannot eat food that the [TS]

  rest of busy like they're they're like a [TS]

  really love their vegans accept it it [TS]

  was written in a book a long time ago [TS]

  foo and so I'm not nobody and nobody did [TS]

  the magic trick over them [TS]

  no one did there's no magic trick [TS]

  happened so I'm I'm standing I'm looking [TS]

  at the meat counter and I look over at [TS]

  the kosher food display there there's [TS]

  like a free of a refrigerator that has [TS]

  all the sort of the beef that's been [TS]

  bled in the correct way and that the and [TS]

  all the subculture food and [TS]

  right in front of it there's a cardboard [TS]

  one of those like six foot tall [TS]

  cardboards stands at 64 bits that says [TS]

  you know special this week pork loin [TS]

  wrapped in bacon with pork sauce and a [TS]

  airport garnish and it's like it's [TS]

  almost leaning against oh no it's really [TS]

  truly adjacent it's right there it is in [TS]

  front of as though your ears they're [TS]

  shopping for your for your culture but [TS]

  how do you miss that that's got to be an [TS]

  obvious that's got to be a deliberate [TS]

  fuck you i don't think i think it was [TS]

  just I think it's just one of those [TS]

  things certainly is there why is there [TS]

  no as as i know its name Adam Smith Adam [TS]

  Adam score wasn't writing hand way there [TS]

  no invisible Adam know make sure place [TS]

  no one in this grocery store there's one [TS]

  guy in this grocery store and he's [TS]

  probably the assistant manager who who [TS]

  has ever put any thought into like [TS]

  religion or culture at all you know like [TS]

  the big picture they got no big picture [TS]

  they got no big picture so I'm looking [TS]

  at this thing and I'm like this is the [TS]

  greatest synergistic moment this is if i [TS]

  was going to be on Instagram this would [TS]

  be my Instagram moment and I get my [TS]

  iphone out to take a picture and the [TS]

  iphone shits the bed and I like your [TS]

  fingers in the wrong area and I'm like [TS]

  you fucking thing you got them thing [TS]

  that I have now I have invested myself [TS]

  emotionally this is your shady iphone [TS]

  just the same shitty iphone you could [TS]

  just a little shitty iphone doesn't it [TS]

  doesn't work at one point it was a great [TS]

  iphone and then I was shady and change [TS]

  the software one time yeah i upgraded my [TS]

  software and then it became a crap [TS]

  iphone and then i upgraded it again and [TS]

  it became a shitty your iphone is super [TS]

  shitty so and it's a 3gs it should be it [TS]

  should be just as good at you know if [TS]

  there's nothing wrong with it except [TS]

  that Apple has planned Lee obsolescence [TS]

  to do it and it but that's like saying [TS]

  you've got a good pack mule it doesn't [TS]

  really account for how much stuff we're [TS]

  going to put onto the donkey this this I [TS]

  you used to have a good donkey but now [TS]

  there's too much shit on your dock [TS]

  you know what it should you know what I [TS]

  should use it for I should use it to [TS]

  level my refrigerator i think stick it [TS]

  under one corner of the fridge to take [TS]

  once it clicks it comes up but so I'm [TS]

  standing here and this is a situation [TS]

  where is brittle 10 years ago before [TS]

  there existed phones with cameras i [TS]

  would have stood at this at this moment [TS]

  this kosher display with the port side [TS]

  in front of it how would have stood [TS]

  there I would have appreciated it [TS]

  I would have gone man wow that's all [TS]

  there was to do it that night was to sit [TS]

  there and enjoy that ephemeral moment [TS]

  that's right and then I would have said [TS]

  what you're saying well or that was that [TS]

  was all that was available to me I would [TS]

  have gone huh look at that and maybe you [TS]

  know what I would have done maybe I [TS]

  would have walked over to the front and [TS]

  this is not this is actually true I [TS]

  would have walked over to the assistant [TS]

  manager at what I said hey um did you [TS]

  notice that you've got a pork [TS]

  advertisement in front of the kosher [TS]

  foods display like maybe you should [TS]

  think about that again like I would have [TS]

  had something would have happened where [TS]

  I would have I would have gone and talk [TS]

  to somebody about it or maybe I would [TS]

  have just grabbed the sign and moved it [TS]

  somewhere else on my own I would have [TS]

  taken that responsibility but now my [TS]

  first impulse is to take a fucking [TS]

  picture of it and put it on the internet [TS]

  he retorted and and i have been trained [TS]

  by the machine to say this is my reply [TS]

  to this about the machines have trained [TS]

  me to say haha tweet and then the [TS]

  fucking machine doesn't you become a [TS]

  machine for turning turning serendipity [TS]

  and anger [TS]

  they've trained you they've trained you [TS]

  to change the way you've retooled your [TS]

  factory and then then it's like then I'm [TS]

  like a duck that got caught in in a [TS]

  six-pack container of you know in some [TS]

  kind of six pack plastic and I'm added [TS]

  to water king I can't get my wing to [TS]

  work and I'm like what the what the fuck [TS]

  happened to me [TS]

  ok I I don't want to put this on the [TS]

  internet and make a joke out of it [TS]

  I don't wanna I don't know I don't you [TS]

  know and the thing is this the first up [TS]

  that is supposed to come into my mind is [TS]

  boy i need to go down and get a new [TS]

  phone [TS]

  I need to go spend five hundred dollars [TS]

  to get a new phone so that I don't miss [TS]

  these opportunities I just I just can't [TS]

  believe that this failure of technology [TS]

  it's not Camp stuff I can't believe that [TS]

  it's just fascinating me this failure of [TS]

  technology is what's what's caused your [TS]

  your Hebraic direct action to be to be [TS]

  thwarted to because in another time five [TS]

  years ago with a feature phone you [TS]

  would've jumped right in there right [TS]

  usually all you would have gotten all [TS]

  fucking menachem begin on that shit [TS]

  moved it out of there I would have [TS]

  gotten it out of there and we're going [TS]

  to talk to the manager and I would have [TS]

  given them a brief lecture on Judaism [TS]

  and on cultural sensitivity and then I [TS]

  want to got I would have gotten my rib [TS]

  steaks and my new york super fudge chunk [TS]

  and I would have gotten my car would [TS]

  have said I did it I did my my work for [TS]

  today but instead i'm standing there [TS]

  with this impotent phone one thing if [TS]

  you stealing money it with some plastic [TS]

  wrapped around my my neck so I can't use [TS]

  my wing and I'm thinking I need more [TS]

  expensive phone [TS]

  I'm so I don't miss these incredible [TS]

  apologies China even your even you even [TS]

  you are susceptible to this training [TS]

  it's astounding it happens it happens on [TS]

  a daily basis and none of us are [TS]

  conscious of how much we have been [TS]

  trained by us by a stupid world to just [TS]

  be like new to be 22 to be complicit [TS]

  hmm rather than two rather than to ever [TS]

  use our own brains is there anything [TS]

  that just blue sky is there anything [TS]

  that could happen in that bodega that [TS]

  you could have some influence over i'm [TS]

  not saying you have to go and buy it [TS]

  outright [TS]

  is there anything that could happen let [TS]

  it begin with you is there anything in [TS]

  your name be that you could do to make [TS]

  that bodega a place where you untrained [TS]

  people from this kind of cultural [TS]

  influence could you do something that [TS]

  made it more and more muscular cultural [TS]

  interface if you want to talk if you [TS]

  want to talk about it in terms of like [TS]

  what the what the capitalists what the [TS]

  GOP capitalist would say is I should go [TS]

  in there every day and said you have any [TS]

  half-and-half until the guy finally gets [TS]

  half and half for shit's you [TS]

  well he's not gonna shoot me or he might [TS]

  shoot me with his with his virtual video [TS]

  game is phone works for you [TS]

  yeah it's fun because you know what he [TS]

  got some he got some kind of android [TS]

  phone and it works fine but no I should [TS]

  i get the the capitalist model is that [TS]

  one enough people one half and half [TS]

  they'll get happened [TS]

  but it's been five years and as far as I [TS]

  know they don't have half and half the [TS]

  night as far as i know nothing has [TS]

  changed [TS]

  um so do i I mean is it enough [TS]

  doesn't matter enough to me that I get [TS]

  half and half two blocks away instead of [TS]

  15 blocks away [TS]

  they're not enough yeah but you know [TS]

  that I think sometimes sometimes a [TS]

  bodega is more than just a bodega [TS]

  because in this case you are in that [TS]

  you're in literature Harbinger it's a [TS]

  harbinger in the of the in the nexus of [TS]

  cultural diversity it seems to me that [TS]

  you are at a potentially retail [TS]

  inflection point for making for [TS]

  effecting a lot of change [TS]

  well in this in this particular [TS]

  neighborhood i am the diversity i am the [TS]

  only one who wants half and half at this [TS]

  grocery store apparently there's my [TS]

  parade [TS]

  haha it's hard it's so hard to be white [TS]