Roderick on the Line

Ep. 50: "Check Your Six"


  Roderick on the line is unabashedly [TS]

  sponsored by a glue software a digital [TS]

  workplace that helps you work better [TS]

  with other people sign up for a free [TS]

  30-day trial and a glue / [TS]

  find your doc hello icon [TS]

  i'm ron has a gun mmm do good you caught [TS]

  me in the middle of a peanut butter [TS]

  sandwich did I caught you [TS]

  yeah i mean i was sitting here expecting [TS]

  your call but I thought in the meantime [TS]

  I would have a peanut butter sandwich [TS]

  food [TS]

  kind of but you get for something like [TS]

  that all people are sandwich button they [TS]

  were one of those elephants expands my [TS]

  research [TS]

  oh you you know music is still to get [TS]

  thai pretty sweet [TS]

  okay um you know years of making music [TS]

  records I've learned that I think they [TS]

  call the call music music records i [TS]

  learned to think of vocals as a kind of [TS]

  like a digital graph you know what I [TS]

  mean like you you see the you see the [TS]

  the the visual of a of the waveform of a [TS]

  radical instrument and so my first my [TS]

  first thought is is there is there a [TS]

  filter we could put on that would just [TS]

  take out all the smacking and the food [TS]

  sounds that's not so really it's a very [TS]

  very good question is certainly [TS]

  something that I thought about you know [TS]

  as you know as somebody who's made lots [TS]

  of music records you know that there are [TS]

  various sorts of things I believe they [TS]

  call the filters with letters that will [TS]

  filter is I think the music filters the [TS]

  colors filters that intelligently go out [TS]

  and find certain kinds of things you [TS]

  know you pick if you get the home you [TS]

  can pick one area getting rid of home [TS]

  safe take out this this is a list of [TS]

  music frequency you get rid of hiss hiss [TS]

  exactly what can you get rid of the [TS]

  peanut butter and the streetcar meet up [TS]

  in the streetcar or the great Aesop's [TS]

  fables now won one of the things I need [TS]

  to say right before we start our is that [TS]

  a yeah last night i was eating I i was [TS]

  eating some food [TS]

  and-and-and might die broke my tooth off [TS]

  like I wasn't gonna I was gonna I was [TS]

  gonna write it off the peanut butter and [TS]

  then I was gonna ask if you had your we [TS]

  had your your the Dodgers all done right [TS]

  you said you're done with that [TS]

  yeah but now I know I'm missing my tooth [TS]

  again that one tooth the one tooth the [TS]

  big one no no no the one my achilles [TS]

  tooth [TS]

  I'm so sorry John is that must feel [TS]

  weird to have that back but my back I [TS]

  mean not not their backpack being up [TS]

  there it's a it's not that weird that [TS]

  he's running my tongue over all the time [TS]

  yeah i'm doing that but I did that I did [TS]

  that when I had a fake tooth in there [TS]

  anyway I'm noticing i'm noticing i don't [TS]

  have the plosives power that I normally [TS]

  have 1i when I say words that start with [TS]

  l like fake tooth you hear hear the it's [TS]

  like a lost I lost some of my father [TS]

  power right answer for you but we should [TS]

  we should do maybe we should try to [TS]

  avoid words start with that letter M or [TS]

  you know what you're John water your [TS]

  fucking John roddick you should drive [TS]

  that train right into the right into the [TS]

  tunnel we just really hit the ass hard [TS]

  right yeah you know what your own God of [TS]

  trying to use as many f words we can now [TS]

  I I think I i think i've asked you about [TS]

  this but it's worth sharing with our [TS]

  audience and curious now for those who [TS]

  don't know John John you have that [TS]

  memory serves it's like a whole like [TS]

  diagonal it looks like somebody cut a [TS]

  peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich in half [TS]

  diagonally accepted your tooth right [TS]

  you've got a whole that kind of half a [TS]

  tooth missing right [TS]

  no no I have an entire tooth missing in [TS]

  fact missing all the way oh that's right [TS]

  yeah it look at hobo costume it's it's [TS]

  like it's the bits may be the best hobo [TS]

  costume the world has ever known in fact [TS]

  I've definitely thought about going down [TS]

  to hollywood in this state and little [TS]

  bit on the nose but hey listen you need [TS]

  do you need to cast someone who looks [TS]

  like he's not thriving right now haha [TS]

  I am that actor yeah I really that's so [TS]

  easy for me it's kind of a running joke [TS]

  with a lot of my friends that I you know [TS]

  look homeless [TS]

  which is you know like i have a home and [TS]

  I was seriously just come back to this I [TS]

  want us to have a starting a lot more [TS]

  nuanced letting that term is abused em [TS]

  and yeah yeah well i think you're right [TS]

  i think know it's a huge a friend's I [TS]

  like to come on right that I'm gonna [TS]

  capture that here that were going to [TS]

  come back to hobos bombs all those let's [TS]

  let's shoot for nuance I'm gonna but [TS]

  while you're writing a nice that the [TS]

  same can go right ahead was hurt doesn't [TS]

  hurt does it hurt is exposed nerve or [TS]

  don't hurt no there's no truth there now [TS]

  to think so just nerve yeah nothing [TS]

  their mother hobos bombs homeless and [TS]

  Street rats ok I'm now about typical [TS]

  street rat is they're gonna leave one of [TS]

  their ideas you sure this is a good time [TS]

  while you were talking you were you [TS]

  running a card so I thought maybe I'd [TS]

  have a I another bite of the sandwich [TS]

  oh man are you gonna hear it this week [TS]

  now you lost that is quite a while ago [TS]

  you know they call it a crown is that [TS]

  what they call it to put in there what [TS]

  they call the thing they put our bridge [TS]

  what do you have [TS]

  what is it you haven't lost a tooth am I [TS]

  not [TS]

  am I not told you this whole just bring [TS]

  story is the story that I think it is [TS]

  that I've been wanting to hear for a [TS]

  long time [TS]

  good it could be yeah well I'd like to [TS]

  hear that screaming write that down and [TS]

  write down that one story my question to [TS]

  you is this and and I i don't know i'm [TS]

  sure most of our listeners at this point [TS]

  like me like I like myself most opposed [TS]

  to our most listeners to like you more [TS]

  thank you very much thank you i don't i [TS]

  want you to know that and I want you to [TS]

  do either way of quantifying that [TS]

  something is that just a gut feeling I [TS]

  feel like the number of tweets that I [TS]

  read that say i love merlin man who is a [TS]

  good indicator of how many people out [TS]

  there in the world love merlin I think [TS]

  we're on a different twitter haha shit [TS]

  we should double check i think a lot of [TS]

  your fans send me their appreciative [TS]

  tweets that is so nice [TS]

  only got like we don't want to blow [TS]

  Merlin's mind we have no we don't wanna [TS]

  bug and we know he's busy but [TS]

  once again why don't we send John [TS]

  Roderick some nice Merlin beamed a [TS]

  bittersweet for you John [TS]

  on the one hand yeah you know we're pals [TS]

  i like to think and you look out for me [TS]

  and my welfare you're happy to see me [TS]

  doing well and are probably a little bit [TS]

  sad when I'm sad but there must be a [TS]

  little bit galling because you probably [TS]

  know it's you know you should be having [TS]

  to carry my mail so no I might my [TS]

  theoretical fan mail you got you you [TS]

  should be the one receiving compliments [TS]

  you doing is helping people it doesn't [TS]

  it doesn't bother me at all in fact that [TS]

  calling at all in fact i enjoyed because [TS]

  I I'm my inboxes is so crowded with fan [TS]

  mail directed to me that's a good point [TS]

  it's nice to see fanmail directed to [TS]

  someone else every once in a while just [TS]

  to just to realize that there are other [TS]

  people in the world [TS]

  easy you've taken a variable broadview [TS]

  to this and i just i'm very grateful for [TS]

  that so here's the thing i like me and [TS]

  people who love me I think the world has [TS]

  finally I i'm gonna guess you never [TS]

  expected this i'm going to guess that [TS]

  you never expected how many people that [TS]

  should have known about your band along [TS]

  winners a long time ago [TS]

  it's turns out surprising to learn how [TS]

  many people had not heard of the band or [TS]

  had not associated you with the band or [TS]

  that one song they heard in that one [TS]

  place and I don't know if you see this [TS]

  on the Twitter that i get i see a lot of [TS]

  people definitely means interacting with [TS]

  people is that is it a lot of people now [TS]

  are like they go out there like oh gosh [TS]

  John has been helping me and terrifying [TS]

  me with his train and now i just went on [TS]

  itunes and I bought every long winters [TS]

  album and I can't stop listening to them [TS]

  so yeah that's lovely [TS]

  it is lovely it is lovely and now that [TS]

  we're done congratulate yourselves my [TS]

  point being I think the people who are [TS]

  new to the John Roderick scene they may [TS]

  not realize that for a surprisingly long [TS]

  time I you look horrifying not know in a [TS]

  good way like you had the one that [TS]

  picture of you and my daughter that I [TS]

  treasurer of the several that i have is [TS]

  you really looking like it's something [TS]

  like Memphis Yeti em you gotta get [TS]

  creepy Elvis glasses you have like when [TS]

  I say dishwater blonde I mean maybe like [TS]

  hydrogen peroxide and literal dishwater [TS]

  to your shoulders is memory serves creek [TS]

  and just be clear you got super creepy [TS]

  smoky glasses molestie and then you're [TS]

  missing a tooth [TS]

  yeah and you know here's the thing you [TS]

  rock that look not for a week or a month [TS]

  you didn't you didn't go buy some kind [TS]

  of pie [TS]

  get the fucking walgreens you write a [TS]

  fucking giant ass you you were Santa [TS]

  with a missing tooth memory serves [TS]

  yeah for several years because I felt I [TS]

  felt like here's the thing [TS]

  who there are a lot of there are a lot [TS]

  of cosmetic improvements that one can [TS]

  make to one cell to mask the the inner [TS]

  critic esker that the inner inner [TS]

  testiness and in my case I i arrived at [TS]

  a point where there just was there was [TS]

  not enough spackle on the earth to [TS]

  smooth out the cracks in me and I just [TS]

  thought i would let it roll [TS]

  I just like that you know for many many [TS]

  years during the grunge years when I was [TS]

  when I was a terrible person and and on [TS]

  drugs and doing a doing it but like 11 [TS]

  mm charitable no no I was never on [TS]

  charitable but but i but i don't but i [TS]

  just was not I was not a living the life [TS]

  that you could they that that you could [TS]

  see you could she could show to st. [TS]

  Peter let's say I was not I was not [TS]

  living a lie i was living a life that [TS]

  will be able to get forward to that guy [TS]

  open up the book and put your glasses [TS]

  can make said here we go let's take a [TS]

  look at this [TS]

  I was going to I was going to be I was [TS]

  gonna bash wall i was gonna be touching [TS]

  my toes together and staring at the [TS]

  floor is not only that you're gonna [TS]

  definitely going to help it was going to [TS]

  take a really fucking long time you sit [TS]

  there and listen to that they were going [TS]

  to talk about a lot of stuff and I was [TS]

  going to go [TS]

  oh yeah that got about the yeah yeah [TS]

  yeahs no no I mean yes but come on give [TS]

  it a nine ease the guy some slack but [TS]

  during that entire time i looked like a [TS]

  cop you know like I was as I was a [TS]

  straight looking as a guy could be i had [TS]

  short hair i was i was fresh-faced I had [TS]

  you know I blue eyes that they looked [TS]

  innocent i mean i would go to i would go [TS]

  to situations all the time where I would [TS]

  walk in the door and some guide dressed [TS]

  all in black sitting behind a table [TS]

  covered with drugs would stand up and [TS]

  yell at the guy who brought me what you [TS]

  your copier man and then have to stand [TS]

  there in the doorway while you know [TS]

  while everybody jumped out the windows [TS]

  and my friend was like no no man i know [TS]

  i'm i know he's cool he's cool [TS]

  I was like I was the I was the [TS]

  undercover cop that everybody can i call [TS]

  you mean he's still very filling in as [TS]

  your job gotten hotter than fresh [TS]

  pumpkin chili tired of kissing the wrong [TS]

  bird mired down by your managers fear of [TS]

  even the slightest prison in corporate [TS]

  discourse [TS]

  well you're not alone igloo software [TS]

  understands your pain igloo helps you [TS]

  work better with other people by keeping [TS]

  your team your files and your [TS]

  conversations together in one digital [TS]

  workplace [TS]

  you can even work from home and you're [TS]

  altogether sealed to your red leather [TS]

  chair just steps away from all your [TS]

  favorite globes candlesticks and cowboy [TS]

  boots as you do so go to glue [TS] / find your duck and sign [TS]

  up for your free 30-day trial bring your [TS]

  team in from the cold by getting inside [TS]

  the igloo in any case so might be [TS]

  diarrhea medicine it might be digitalis [TS]

  but you never know it might be a penny [TS]

  never know so many many years later when [TS]

  all of that behavior came home to roost [TS]

  which is to say that the that but the [TS]

  decisions I made during my youth when i [TS]

  felt that i was going to live forever [TS]

  and that nothing could ever hurt me all [TS]

  those things were saving up their [TS]

  consequences for right about the time I [TS]

  turned 40 and basically the day I turned [TS]

  40 everything that was in me that was [TS]

  held together with with bailing wire and [TS]

  toothpaste it all broke it ones [TS]

  my tooth fell out and you know my knees [TS]

  gave out and my it was it was it was it [TS]

  was a catastrophe and now I'm living now [TS]

  I'm living in the post consequences [TS]

  world where I realized that everything [TS]

  you do in your youth just lights the [TS]

  fuse all the all the all the scars they [TS]

  just they just wait kind of dormant [TS]

  until they're there they're just comes [TS]

  that one moment where all your [TS]

  connective tissue stops working in here [TS]

  and you're just a spear of pile of bones [TS]

  just 34 years ago [TS]

  yeah yeah so so I i knocked out my front [TS]

  tooth half a dozen times but it finally [TS]

  had no there there there was it finally [TS]

  was so corrupted so it had been broken [TS]

  so many times that there was nothing [TS]

  left to cap and they had to just extract [TS]

  this this little bit of a route that was [TS]

  left and most people you see who are [TS]

  missing a tooth they there [TS]

  I tooth is gone because they were using [TS]

  it to they were using their tooth to [TS]

  check the veracity of a gold coin or [TS]

  something but you don't see a lot of [TS]

  people whose main front though the [TS]

  largest toothed in their in their face [TS]

  the most visible one their main front [TS]

  tooth is missing that is not a that's [TS]

  not a charming missing tooth that's much [TS]

  more of a like that you've been drinking [TS]

  hairspray kind of missing tooth [TS]

  Oh up so everybody ok it's a it's a poor [TS]

  judgment space [TS]

  yeah that's right that's what that's [TS]

  what's so interesting and you think for [TS]

  one fucking second you're getting away [TS]

  from this unit because this is really [TS]

  super interesting but it's this is going [TS]

  to sound strange but it's almost [TS]

  shockingly medieval in a way a feeling [TS]

  of going like oh my gosh there's all [TS]

  this shit inside of me and all of this [TS]

  fake connective tissue holding me [TS]

  together and believing brother I [TS]

  understand your arm [TS]

  there's all this inside of me but I can [TS]

  shave and i can put on a tie or i can do [TS]

  whatever i can become the shockingly [TS]

  normal-looking person is quivering and [TS]

  God yeah but then you lose your fucking [TS]

  front tooth and get us a medieval it's [TS]

  you know there's almost this idea of you [TS]

  know you think about a time even when [TS]

  the sixteen hundreds where you would try [TS]

  and make a lady flow to see if she was a [TS]

  witch or whatever their thirties there's [TS]

  this weird Theodoric of York feeling [TS]

  about like there was a time when you [TS]

  really thought that you could look at [TS]

  somebody and tell a lot about their [TS]

  morality you know juror phrenology I [TS]

  mean for knowledge Asher like they did [TS]

  it with a they got the plague and they [TS]

  didn't let if somebody was running their [TS]

  hands over my head trying to discern my [TS]

  character her it would be like running I [TS]

  mean running your hands through my hair [TS]

  is like running your hands over a model [TS]

  train set [TS]

  I mean there are so many crisscrossing [TS]

  scars up on my scalp and and various [TS]

  like you know place where I come from [TS]

  traumatic injury [TS]

  yeah no shit yeah let's talk about the [TS]

  time I got I got jumped by three guys [TS]

  with ax handles still think you that [TS]

  sounds like an Alaska story [TS]

  no no that happened in seattle now way [TS]

  but you know so when I shave my head but [TS]

  I look like you know I like george the [TS]

  animal' steele you got that whole puppy [TS]

  typography thing going on [TS]

  I do and you know other browsers used to [TS]

  cut themselves that's why there's this [TS]

  card they cut themselves the tiny bit of [TS]

  razor blade to get on that plane going [TS]

  to get the facebook on your life you do [TS]

  not if you cut your eyebrow just a [TS]

  little bit you know any head when you [TS]

  bleed a live normally doing this with [TS]

  residents believe you but the parties [TS]

  but you gotta have a distraction before [TS]

  you get to the pickles want to talk [TS]

  about how much was bleeding you do out [TS]

  of a head wind up your guy so you shaved [TS]

  your head [TS]

  no I don't shave my head I don't think [TS]

  about the accident ah okay so the axe [TS]

  but the accident you were jumped in when [TS]

  I hear the word jump [TS]

  I think of you were surprisingly [TS]

  attacked by three guys at one time and [TS]

  it's completely unfair fight [TS]

  yeah that's that's kind of a description [TS]

  of what happened I was I was I was [TS]

  heavily intoxicated and but I was [TS]

  intoxicated on a cocktail of intoxicants [TS]

  that made me [TS]

  very lucid while also being very [TS]

  intoxicated yet at that bar and and I [TS]

  was on the street and these guys these [TS]

  guys were I i think this was during the [TS]

  era of gay bashing [TS]

  uh-huh but this was a this was a thing [TS]

  that that people from the sticks would [TS]

  come into town and gay bash and so I [TS]

  don't know why these guys were so [TS]

  heavily armed but I was in all honesty I [TS]

  was standing on the street with a [TS]

  lighter lighting posters on a phone pole [TS]

  on fire and watching the posters bird [TS]

  and I wasn't are you enjoying a [TS]

  hallucinogen out you know that I'll get [TS]

  you I'll get to the bucket to that size [TS]

  but first first post attorney so i'm [TS]

  watching I'm just standing on this on [TS]

  this on the street watching a bit [TS]

  lighting posters on this phone poll on [TS]

  fire and and a couple of cops pull up [TS]

  and they say hey knock that off and and [TS]

  I was like oh yeah man hey hey [TS]

  why why why do pigs have to like step on [TS]

  my scene or whatever it is the least [TS]

  however we talked back then and the cops [TS]

  are like listen if you don't knock it [TS]

  off and then was it was a busy friday [TS]

  night they're like we got shit to do [TS]

  that you your your small potatoes but if [TS]

  you don't knock it off we're going to [TS]

  get out of the car and we're gonna we're [TS]

  gonna like I put handcuffs on you and I [TS]

  was like those sorry sorry I'm burning [TS]

  your phone pole cop and so I I've [TS]

  momentarily stopped in the cops drove [TS]

  away and then I immediately liked [TS]

  started doing this again i don't know [TS]

  why i was i was i was 22 years old [TS]

  there's no excuse for standing on the [TS]

  street corner this is the kind of petty [TS]

  a delinquency that a thirteen-year-old [TS]

  should have grown out of but here i am [TS]

  and i'm i'm on a variety of intoxicants [TS]

  and I'm I'm lighting [TS]

  the phone poll on fire because it was [TS]

  fascinating to me [TS]

  suffice to say so anyway I stand out [TS]

  there i am doing it a little bit longer [TS]

  and all of a sudden there's these three [TS]

  guys and they have their bats and [TS]

  they're like what are you doing man and [TS]

  I turn around I engage them in [TS]

  conversation like I'm just like in this [TS]

  phone poll on fire and they're like will [TS]

  fucking knock it off and that was a [TS]

  challenge that I felt I really needed [TS]

  just really needed to stand my ground [TS]

  because this was important work I was [TS]

  doing and who are these three guys to [TS]

  tell me to knock anything off so I was [TS]

  like you know why don't you knock off [TS]

  telling people what to do and I i [TS]

  noticed that they have bats I mean I am [TS]

  I'm acutely aware but I all but I also [TS]

  feel like I'm in command of the [TS]

  situation and they kind of circle around [TS]

  me you know in a triangular-shaped [TS]

  grouping and i'm in the center of it and [TS]

  I'm i feel like i have this matter quite [TS]

  in hand and I start to lecture them on [TS]

  how cities work and how phone poles are [TS]

  coated with creosote and so are [TS]

  inherently not flammable and at a [TS]

  certain point they are no longer [TS]

  interested and one of the guys that it [TS]

  has circled around while you're there [TS]

  just arguing argumentative Lee arguing [TS]

  with me because they already know what [TS]

  they're going to do and this was before [TS]

  I you this was before I had learned to [TS]

  protect my six and somebody gotta get [TS]

  around behind me and just took a massive [TS]

  swing like he was swinging for the [TS]

  outfield and hit me on the back of the [TS]

  head with a but the what turned out [TS]

  later be accidental [TS]

  God and then once i was down all three [TS]

  of them just stood over me and just just [TS]

  pounded on me like they were tenderizing [TS]

  them side of beef and at this point i [TS]

  was aware that i was in trouble so I was [TS]

  yelling and I was crawling to try and [TS]

  get under a car and they were just going [TS]

  to town on me and they broke both my [TS]

  hands [TS]

  Wow and they I mean often cop from top [TS]

  to bottom I was just I was just a black [TS]

  black and blue but but mostly black [TS]

  I crawled under this car and some girl [TS]

  up the street started screaming and [TS]

  eventually somebody nearby scream loud [TS]

  enough that these guys can it took one [TS]

  last walk each and ran off into the dark [TS]

  and so then the cops came back the cops [TS]

  who had yelled at me 10 minutes before i [TS]

  came back and the aid car came and I was [TS]

  kid I was laying there convinced that i [TS]

  was holding the holding the back of my [TS]

  skull on I haven't got my hands up and I [TS]

  was like you know I can't move my hands [TS]

  and the aid car guys were like you know [TS]

  you got a movie and we got to see what [TS]

  was going on I was like no I can't [TS]

  because if I do the back my it's going [TS]

  to fall off and make it card guys you [TS]

  know they were all shining lights in my [TS]

  face and they were like are you on any [TS]

  kind of drugs i was like no I just had a [TS]

  beer and you know they're looking at my [TS]

  pupils they're like mmm [TS]

  now we need to you need to tell us like [TS]

  what you're what drugs you're on and I'm [TS]

  like no I just have just had a beer but [TS]

  I can't move my hand because my my my [TS]

  head is is going to you know fall off or [TS]

  fall apart so they take me to the [TS]

  hospital and the doctor in the emergency [TS]

  room again kinda says listen we need to [TS]

  know what your on your ear obviously [TS]

  like on some drugs and we need to know [TS]

  what they are because we can't treat you [TS]

  you can't give you more drugs unless we [TS]

  know what drugs you're on we can't treat [TS]

  you unless we know what's going on and I [TS]

  had it in my head that if you told the [TS]

  doctor that you had taken some drugs [TS]

  that that would somehow I still like [TS]

  still added in my mind that my permanent [TS]

  record was something i need to be [TS]

  worried about you know like that i was [TS]

  going to that this was going to go down [TS]

  on my permanent record and I wasn't [TS]

  going to get into graduate schools i [TS]

  don't know what i thought my permanent [TS]

  record was but I had I had grown up [TS]

  being told that your transcript was this [TS]

  thing you need to worry about so much [TS]

  and I didn't want to tell some doctor in [TS]

  the emergency room [TS]

  what drugs that was on because he was [TS]

  going to write it down on a piece of [TS]

  paper and then it was then the then I [TS]

  love the CIA was never going to let me [TS]

  be the president of the united states [TS]

  and so I kept insisting that no I'd only [TS]

  had a couple of beers and so the doctor [TS]

  goes okay you know what kid that's fine [TS]

  and he turns to the nurse next to him [TS]

  and he said don't get many anesthesia [TS]

  and so they proceeded to sew up my head [TS]

  and my hands which were you know they [TS]

  were they were broken but they were also [TS]

  like I i think i showed you a scar on my [TS]

  finger one time where one of that one of [TS]

  the bats hit my finger as it was trying [TS]

  to protect my head and the finger meats [TS]

  like squirted out the other side so they [TS]

  had to push all that finger me back [TS]

  inside and sew it up and they they just [TS]

  did it they did it all without even [TS]

  giving me a topical anesthesia so I was [TS]

  thinking they're being sewed like a like [TS]

  a like a rag doll like three different [TS]

  people running thread through me a time [TS]

  and then they rolled me out on a [TS]

  blood-soaked gurney into the hallway of [TS]

  Harborview emergency room was its harbor [TS]

  view is like the the one level for [TS]

  trauma center in the northwest but it's [TS]

  also one of [TS]

  hospitals where you will roll down to a [TS]

  halt and they'll be just kind of one [TS]

  lightbulb flickering above you like [TS]

  flickering and sometimes it goes out and [TS]

  then the power comes back on and the and [TS]

  the hallways are just on friday and [TS]

  saturday night [TS]

  they're just full of people like [TS]

  motorcycle wreck gunshot wound [TS]

  motorcycle wreck gunshot wound and so [TS]

  they roll me out into this hallway and [TS]

  they just let me sit there as the as the [TS]

  blood on my gurney coagulates while [TS]

  while people who are really in trouble [TS]

  are wheeled past me screaming and I was [TS]

  on hallucinogens among other things and [TS]

  so it wasn't your trippin while they [TS]

  were selling up your head without [TS]

  anesthesia [TS]

  yeah there was a really it was a hell of [TS]

  a night [TS]

  um I really like it [TS]

  I learned a lot that night about about [TS]

  everything about everything [TS]

  certainly about mortality ok but a but [TS]

  yeah so that was that that was [TS]

  definitely that was definitely when I [TS]

  started checking my six if you notice i [TS]

  mean checking your sixes like it's [TS]

  fighter pilot terminology that means [TS]

  look behind you like a twelve o'clock is [TS]

  straight ahead and sixes visit hundred [TS]

  eighty degrees behind you right [TS]

  check your six so yeah my check my six [TS]

  now and so should you [TS]

  Merlin was thinking about it and [TS]

  thinking about my sex right now it [TS]

  should yeah right about that I tried to [TS]

  think too much about my sex better [TS]

  that's probably a a terrific reason to [TS]

  check it yeah well you don't want to you [TS]

  don't want to get to a to a position [TS]

  where you're here now forced to check [TS]

  your six together double-dog CWI's kind [TS]

  of six the devil dogs are on your six [TS]

  and until you're checking your sex [TS]

  because you know that they're okay and [TS]

  then they are mice they aren't my six [TS]

  per se it's a notional concept right [TS]

  there hanging hanging by the six there [TS]

  on your six yeah yeah [TS]

  and so when you're when you're looking [TS]

  over your shoulder I mean that's why [TS]

  when I sit in a restaurant when I go [TS]

  into a restaurant I always liked pick my [TS]

  seat [TS]

  rather judiciously who did you get the [TS]

  only time Malcolm X this is the only [TS]

  city where you can see the door [TS]

  that's right you want to see where you [TS]

  can see the door but also sit where like [TS]

  you're not going to get it nobody's [TS]

  going to surprise you on your six [TS]

  uh-huh I mean you're there can be people [TS]

  behind me I just wanna I just wanna know [TS]

  who they are just like the bulleted the [TS]

  booth is nice i like take a bank at [TS]

  every chair challenge that said that's [TS]

  that's terrific and i'm not even that's [TS]

  not even how I lost my to my tooth yeah [TS]

  but it's still still got a couple more [TS]

  trips before thanks [TS]

  settle down until until about what point [TS]

  where things like that happening about [TS]

  what era year uh 1994 was the last time [TS]

  I was going but I was about to say 1994 [TS]

  was the last time i went to jail but [TS]

  there were a couple of there were couple [TS]

  of things that hung out a couple of [TS]

  couple of bench warrants that were still [TS]

  periodically active into 1995 so so so I [TS]

  so I went to jail I went to jail on [TS]

  things that happened before 1994 a [TS]

  couple of times when I like because it [TS]

  took me it took me a year to get it took [TS]

  me a couple years to get a fully [TS]

  functioning set of credentials like your [TS]

  normal ID and stuff that would end to [TS]

  have all that stuff cleared so that [TS]

  every time I got stopped by a cop he [TS]

  didn't go [TS]

  oh hello and pulled me out of the car [TS]

  and take me downtown [TS]

  there was one time they they actually [TS]

  pulled one of those they pulled one of [TS]

  those this is the this is the thing that [TS]

  they're doing in cities now where they [TS]

  said that he send letters out to [TS]

  everybody that has an outstanding [TS]

  warrant [TS]

  it's like you want a thousand dollars [TS]

  that that's from the simpsons that's not [TS]

  real [TS]

  no really happy and kind of take out [TS]

  your free ballot this area and then [TS]

  everybody comes down there like you're [TS]

  arrested you're arrested your that's did [TS]

  like it they totally actually totally do [TS]

  that and may they they got me it was a [TS]

  legitimate it wasn't a scam it was a [TS]

  legitimate thing where I went into the [TS]

  to the comptroller's office trying to [TS]

  get four hundred dollars that somebody [TS]

  had one time a guy we were i was driving [TS]

  a car with a guy one time over in [TS]

  bellevue and he was an african-american [TS]

  gentleman and we see and i would have [TS]

  gone over there to go to the movies [TS]

  because they had a good movie theater [TS]

  and we were driving back through you [TS]

  know at night through bellevue and we [TS]

  got pulled over and we weren't doing [TS]

  anything [TS]

  it was a case where the my friend was [TS]

  convinced as it was happening that it [TS]

  was a case of them pulling us over [TS]

  because he was black and I was white and [TS]

  we were driving in a car right now I [TS]

  can't be up there obviously up to no [TS]

  good [TS]

  something something isn't right [TS]

  something's not Dutch with this so the [TS]

  bellevue cops pulled us over and I was [TS]

  like what that's crazy and he's like no [TS]

  I swear that's what's happening right [TS]

  now like oh my god [TS]

  and so the cop comes over and he's he's [TS]

  very condescending to the driver my [TS]

  friend but everything checks out and [TS]

  then the cop asks for my ID at which [TS]

  point he finds that there's a warrant [TS]

  for my arrest and so he varies very [TS]

  happy about this because to the [TS]

  policeman it seems like a very ironic [TS]

  situation but the white guy is going to [TS]

  be the one that he's going to have to [TS]

  arrest and he's he's indicating this to [TS]

  us like he's he thinks this is hilarious [TS]

  i look at this is a little bit racist oh [TS]

  Henry moment yeah exactly like this [TS]

  that's the one kid that i'm going to [TS]

  arrest what do you know and you know and [TS]

  we're both like new [TS]

  that's that's hilarious the Conte and I [TS]

  and I'm and and I'm I'm glad that I get [TS]

  to go to jail tonight to make two you [TS]

  know to make this a story that you're [TS]

  going to tell this weekend at the bar [TS]

  and so I go to jail and my friend his [TS]

  name was Howard I said to him as they're [TS]

  putting as the cops put him in his car I [TS]

  say yeah here's my ATM card [TS]

  go get the bail money which is four [TS]

  hundred dollars [TS]

  and so Howard goes and gets the bail [TS]

  money but of course Howard and not [TS]

  having been through this before [TS]

  bails me out under his name rather than [TS]

  because it was my money bailing me out [TS]

  under under my name where or stimulating [TS]

  the best so he's the one responsible for [TS]

  the recognizance or the well I mean this [TS]

  isn't his so bail is a certain amount of [TS]

  money in as an insurance that you will [TS]

  show up for court is the idea right [TS]

  right and no he's not responsible for me [TS]

  but if but they assume if he put 400 [TS]

  bucks up it's his money he's going to [TS]

  make himself responsible in this case it [TS]

  was my money I showed up for my court [TS]

  date and so now I wanted my bail [TS]

  refunded and they said oh that's not [TS]

  your bail that towered that's Howard's [TS]

  money and only howard can come get the [TS]

  money [TS]

  well suffice to say how it was kind of a [TS]

  preppy guy and this experience of me [TS]

  getting arrested in his car kind of [TS]

  soured hour but not nuts our friendship [TS]

  but it soured his interest in going with [TS]

  me to anymore [TS]

  police stations or city courts or [TS]

  anything like that and so Howard kept [TS]

  dodging my phone call and you know and [TS]

  like oh yeah totally i'll help you that [TS]

  many would then add many disappear and I [TS]

  wouldn't hear from howard for a long [TS]

  time the missiles at a time when $400 [TS]

  met quite a bit meant a lot to me anyway [TS]

  I went down to the court one time to [TS]

  explain to them at great length that was [TS]

  my money not Howard's they were they [TS]

  were not interested in my story and also [TS]

  while i was there they discovered [TS]

  another war by God but the woman behind [TS]

  the counter who discovered this did not [TS]

  she was not empowered to arrest me she [TS]

  can't hit a button in some martial comes [TS]

  out or something so what she did she [TS]

  said oh here's what you need to do you [TS]

  need to go across the street [TS]

  two and Tamia card with an address on it [TS]

  she said you need to go across the [TS]

  street to this place and they'll refund [TS]

  your money and i was like wow awesome i [TS]

  like it finally worked i i i finally I [TS]

  finally met someone at the at the police [TS]

  department who understands and who cares [TS]

  about me and I was gonna fill out a [TS]

  comment card on that now I thanked her [TS]

  profusely I was like ma'am thank you for [TS]

  resolving this issue [TS]

  this has been an albatross has been [TS]

  hanging over my head for for many months [TS]

  i really appreciate your help and she [TS]

  was like my pleasure and I will i took [TS]

  the card I walked out of the door the [TS]

  courthouse i walked up the street two [TS]

  blocks across the street to a storefront [TS]

  that was like kind of a had frosted [TS]

  glass windows and I was like go [TS]

  this must be the city accountants office [TS]

  or something and I walked in the door [TS]

  and it's like the set of barney miller [TS]

  know there are there is a room with [TS]

  desks and a bunch of guys with pistols [TS]

  and and like shoulder holsters with [TS]

  their jackets off sitting on the desks [TS]

  drinking coffee smoking cigarettes and [TS]

  chatting with the extension casting it [TS]

  really was and I walked in the door and [TS]

  I was like oh and may have everybody in [TS]

  the room turns and looks at me and goes [TS]

  hey come on in buddy how's it going to [TS]

  see you like this is not the first time [TS]

  that somebody's somebody was a young man [TS]

  has wandered in [TS]

  obviously not knowing what he's there [TS]

  and this is this has happened before [TS]

  Janice's done this before [TS]

  yeah every single person that walks in [TS]

  that door is a is about to be arrested [TS]

  and they didn't know it [TS]

  this is the this is the gag and I'm sure [TS]

  these guys all the time have to have to [TS]

  sprint down the street after somebody [TS]

  returns around the doorway and runs and [TS]

  then I said then they sit down in a [TS]

  chair I'm like oh man god what a writ [TS]

  water rep and they're like good to see [TS]

  you hey we got a computer printout here [TS]

  that says bloody bloody blah so anyway [TS]

  that's it was a it was a real was a real [TS]

  prank you ever get your money back [TS]

  never did [TS]

  it's one of those things where I Howard [TS]

  is going to get a letter someday the 15 [TS]

  years from now that says we have [TS]

  undiscovered moneys for you and he's [TS]

  gonna be like what could this possibly [TS]

  be and he's not gonna remember and I [TS]

  have not spoken to her in years that [TS]

  four hundred dollars just that's i have [TS]

  just decided that that is four hundred [TS]

  dollars i'm never i'm not going to [TS]

  pursue I just wanted to go out into the [TS]

  world and pay for some pay retribution [TS]

  in some way for some crime I committed [TS]

  against the city the people of the city [TS]

  yeah like Ben Franklin says you know [TS]

  it's a child every day if it that you [TS]

  don't know what it's for they will I'm [TS]

  sure you can find a good use for this [TS]

  country you could recreate so this this [TS]

  phone call if nothing else it's to pay [TS]

  for all the parking meters that I didn't [TS]

  put quarters in when I just ran into a [TS]

  drugstore whatever he's down he's got [TS]

  some interesting threads to this um I [TS]

  hope it's interesting i think it's super [TS]

  interesting people are gonna be [TS]

  terrified by this but the you know that [TS]

  thing of you you talking about your [TS]

  morning on your permanent record which I [TS]

  by on one level but there's also just a [TS]

  sense of like you know not the invasion [TS]

  is the wrong word but there's the sense [TS]

  of like I'm running and I'm still [TS]

  running and like well of course I'm not [TS]

  gonna tell them i'm trippin like I'm not [TS]

  fucking stupid i may be high but I'm not [TS]

  high you know about that but the [TS]

  permanent record thing has had a had a [TS]

  more profound effect on me then then [TS]

  that might be obvious really close to [TS]

  say though is like a cubic we do the [TS]

  same thing as the four hundred dollars [TS]

  there's times when a roll of quarters [TS]

  makes all the difference i mean big time [TS]

  you know i mean its end and so I mean [TS]

  but there's this this ongoing threat of [TS]

  like again you're your body's like all [TS]

  mostly held together you're walking [TS]

  around you're kind of keeping it [TS]

  together on some level you're not like [TS]

  you know change in a dungeon somewhere [TS]

  but like yeah you're out and about but [TS]

  at the same time like you're on the edge [TS]

  and you're going to be always looking [TS]

  for that tiny little adjustment he keeps [TS]

  you free and moving and you know drunk [TS]

  or whatever right over the thing that's [TS]

  going to the other way and that's [TS]

  absolutely true but because i have it [TS]

  was a habit [TS]

  there was a simultaneous narrative going [TS]

  on in my head [TS]

  the whole life that was instilled by my [TS]

  my my my father primarily because my dad [TS]

  was a politician my uncle was a [TS]

  politician my great-uncle was a [TS]

  politician my great uncle who raised my [TS]

  dad they were all politicians and their [TS]

  ambition for me was to also be a [TS]

  politician and two and i think to be [TS]

  finally up like a politician on a [TS]

  national scale like these guys were all [TS]

  local politicians in the northwest and [TS]

  they were in the back rooms smoking [TS]

  cigars and handshakes and making the [TS]

  making the port run and you know in [TS]

  trading suits and tires with each other [TS]

  but they have had ambition for me that I [TS]

  would go on to national office and that [TS]

  that would somehow validate our [TS]

  political dynasty [TS]

  oh you're like the not jack not Ted here [TS]

  like the the good candidate you're like [TS]

  the community that Joe just he died in [TS]

  the war I got a job in the world Joe is [TS]

  like the chosen one he was the one that [TS]

  that I was gonna be big [TS]

  he was anointed and Joe died in a [TS]

  suicide mission [TS]

  you told me about this what they fucked [TS]

  him over with his aircraft right now I [TS]

  don't think they fucking motor was [TS]

  getting into it was one of those like we [TS]

  don't know what happened but he was in a [TS]

  he was in a bar right loaded with [TS]

  explosives that his job was to fly it [TS]

  over and and like bail out of it and [TS]

  after he pointed it at 0 and a 1 a damn [TS]

  i don't i don't remember what it what is [TS]

  what this bucket i think was a damn he [TS]

  was using this in Europe it was in [TS]

  Europe [TS]

  yeah he was flying a bomber loaded with [TS]

  explosives and he armed the bombs he [TS]

  armed explosives after he was over the [TS]

  English Channel and either set either [TS]

  slipped on a banana peel and pushed the [TS]

  wrong button or somebody in one of the I [TS]

  think he was here there was a chase [TS]

  plane that was supposed to after he Bob [TS]

  after he dived out the chase point was [TS]

  supposed to follow the bomber down and I [TS]

  whatever maybe there's a short in the [TS]

  electrical system but the thing blew up [TS]

  into a million billion trillion pieces [TS]

  in the middle [TS]

  what a failure on so many levels yeah [TS]

  you said you touch my chicken shit thing [TS]

  to do but then it's also i mean i don't [TS]

  know who might say I'm not in the [TS]

  service but like then it's also like [TS]

  that what a waste of a dude and like [TS]

  what a what a what a waste of a plane to [TS]

  all those bombs [TS]

  yeah i mean you can put those bombs to [TS]

  good use i mean that is that is in on [TS]

  civilians it is a strategic target to [TS]

  hit a damn i guess [TS]

  oh yeah big deal it's a getting a damn [TS]

  is a big deal and war because it's all [TS]

  it's all that electricity electricity [TS]

  and plans you know but Anna and and if [TS]

  he's in the dad will send a big tidal [TS]

  wave down the valley that can and [TS]

  particularly if you believe the plot of [TS]

  force 10 from navarone that's what [TS]

  Harrison Ford right yeah let's get any [TS]

  the water from the dam can knock out the [TS]

  bridge where the Germans are coming [TS]

  across to attack the partisan see now [TS]

  that you get a twofer a twofer [TS]

  okay so you were Joe you're going to be [TS]

  talking there's different just senior [TS]

  and you told me you were going to be [TS]

  judging i was gonna be Joe Jr and so [TS]

  anyway even at the even at the point [TS]

  when I was living very much in a kind of [TS]

  hand to mouth or like hand to drugs to [TS]

  mouth way there was always a narrative [TS]

  in the back of my head that I needed to [TS]

  protect my reputation because i needed [TS]

  to be able to because when they [TS]

  investigated me for top secret clearance [TS]

  right I needed to be able to pass up [TS]

  because i was one day going to be a [TS]

  united states senator and these two and [TS]

  these two totally incompatible [TS]

  narratives the one where I was like a [TS]

  scrounging in the carpet for invisible [TS]

  crack rocks that i might have that [TS]

  matter dropped and ended up you know [TS]

  smoking somebody's dog dander because i [TS]

  was sure that it was some kind of drugs [TS]

  that had fallen in the carpet that [TS]

  narrative simultaneous with this but I [TS]

  can't let anybody know because i'm going [TS]

  to be a united states senator one day it [TS]

  there there's a there's still a version [TS]

  of it in me now and I and I know [TS]

  I think about this sometimes that I'm on [TS]

  record now and the problem would not be [TS]

  that I'm now on record admitting to [TS]

  having done a a a cornucopia of drugs [TS]

  literally a horn of plenty of drugs [TS]

  thanksgiving decoration full of drugs [TS]

  some of which people have never even [TS]

  heard of full of games and many pumpkins [TS]

  and handbags and I just week and you [TS]

  know I did I did every kind of squeak [TS]

  squeak [TS]

  well now i'm looking up later fuck yeah [TS]

  I told you but anyway it's not it's not [TS]

  as the Cornucopia itself is not the [TS]

  problem in the admission of cornucopia [TS]

  well but even if but but that isn't even [TS]

  the primary problem the primary problem [TS]

  for me being elected to the United [TS]

  States Senate is that i have yet but I [TS]

  have gone on record a thousand times [TS]

  saying a seattle is a dumpy little [TS]

  shithole and and you have people who [TS]

  believe in God are dumbasses and you [TS]

  know that everybody that doesn't know [TS]

  how to drive in snow should be taking a [TS]

  late line up against a wall and shot etc [TS]

  etc so that it's storming the embassy if [TS]

  there are numerous there are numerous [TS]

  numerous closets with numerous bones [TS]

  yeah if there is an opposition [TS]

  researcher was was given the task of [TS]

  educating not leave any I'm just imagine [TS]

  the process of vetting you like whether [TS]

  the guys in the back room with the [TS]

  cigars i got like as John Martin [TS]

  Roderick I think it'd be a fella that's [TS]

  right and just runs the basic checks [TS]

  Ollie said fucking cornucopia an [TS]

  opposition researcher would be rolling [TS]

  on the floor laughing within 30 seconds [TS]

  of trying to dig up some dirt on me [TS]

  because how am I going to run for how I [TS]

  can run for office in seattle out having [TS]

  said all the things that I've said we're [TS]

  just pointing out all the ways that you [TS]

  can help it you know it's like my mom [TS]

  would say when I got a c-minus he knows [TS]

  room for opportunity to improve well and [TS]

  it's what i would do at what what I've [TS]

  always imagined is what Bill Clinton [TS]

  should have done when they asked him [TS]

  whether or not he'd slept with Monica [TS]

  Lewinsky who [TS]

  you know I i never understood why he [TS]

  didn't look at wedding face down the [TS]

  cameras and say that's not a none of [TS]

  anybody's business next question instead [TS]

  instead of instead of falling back on [TS]

  parsing words it's very hemming and [TS]

  hawing and saying like well you know [TS]

  about Peppa to depict I like that [TS]

  they're there is there will come a time [TS]

  and we've already seen it was wet with [TS]

  the Barack Obama's admission not only [TS]

  having smoked marijuana but have done [TS]

  cocaine and he you know he admitted to [TS]

  it in his book and then he said I had [TS]

  it's a it's not a pertinent question is [TS]

  that it doesn't bear on my ability to [TS]

  govern next question right and if Bill [TS]

  Clinton had just said that's not [TS]

  anybody's business and if they had [TS]

  continued to throw questions at him she [TS]

  said alright the press conference is [TS]

  over i'll be back when you can figure [TS]

  out i'll be back when you the press [TS]

  corps have grown up enough you can [TS]

  figure out some reasonable questions to [TS]

  ask the President of the United States [TS]

  goodbye right and if he doesn't come [TS]

  back when you're ready to ask a grown-up [TS]

  question about running the world [TS]

  yeah because what would it would end up [TS]

  being Clinton's undoing was not that he [TS]

  slept with Monica Lewinsky that he lied [TS]

  about it and so there will come a time [TS]

  well so he lied about it in an age where [TS]

  is the line about it was not something [TS]

  that he could count on everybody to help [TS]

  him paper over we were was ok for us to [TS]

  not make a big deal of how much help [TS]

  Britain Got walking up to the lectern [TS]

  and we had our reasons right there was [TS]

  there was just a kind of decorum at the [TS]

  time where you know Kennedy got so much [TS]

  more tail than Clinton do you think I [TS]

  mean community had a lot of lot of [TS]

  intercourse but the problem with Kennedy [TS]

  wasn't that he wasn't just that he had [TS]

  intercourse with her that he had that he [TS]

  made congress with a lot of young ladies [TS]

  but Kennedy was completely doped up 24 [TS]

  hours a day because of the was Addison's [TS]

  disease [TS]

  yeah i mean he was in he was in [TS]

  excruciating pain right barely he could [TS]

  barely walk and dr. feelgood was [TS]

  shooting a cocktail event Federman's [TS]

  asset that's the other cover-up thing [TS]

  that's so interesting the joe i think [TS]

  didn't have to have a big role in that [TS]

  of like nobody ever finds out that like [TS]

  every every place the president ever [TS]

  goes is is full of all kinds of drugs [TS]

  for helping him get by but then all [TS]

  kinds of stuff in case he just goes tits [TS]

  up and if that's a serious security risk [TS]

  during like the cuban missile crisis [TS]

  like this would have been nice to know [TS]

  yeah well i know i mean if you if you [TS]

  think about now like john-john Kennedy [TS]

  would not only would he never be elected [TS]

  president States but john kennedy from a [TS]

  very young age would have been treated [TS]

  as a special little flower who needs it [TS]

  needs a little cup with his medication [TS]

  in it every day at lunch and every day [TS]

  you know like John Kennedy way like i [TS]

  said he'd be seen as kind of a fag [TS]

  because your books and read books and [TS]

  stuff is maybe I think about who john [TS]

  kennedy was he is entirely the product [TS]

  of a being bullied by his father and his [TS]

  older brothers and of course we've made [TS]

  that illegal now you can't bully a kid [TS]

  and and also he was frail and teased and [TS]

  so he you know he fought and fought and [TS]

  fought against being frail and and sick [TS]

  and bullied and he became president the [TS]

  united states but that we've made all [TS]

  those things illegal now so well he got [TS]

  only a lot of help from Kennedy would be [TS]

  a lot of Health getting into office [TS]

  right now he'd be somewhere [TS]

  riding on his blog about his struggles [TS]

  with the you know he put his struggles [TS]

  to get get the right ad cocktail [TS]

  yeah and treasurer and yeah but I get a [TS]

  lot of people there's a lot of there's a [TS]

  lot of people in their fifties in the [TS]

  South right now riding around on boats [TS]

  it there Sheriff grandfather's got spot [TS]

  with Joe Kennedy's money [TS]

  oh don't worry it's gonna be fine you're [TS]

  fine you're gonna get you're gonna carry [TS]

  you but no problem [TS]

  they're all nickname Gator it said the [TS]

  other Gator here's the problem it's 47 [TS]

  minutes and 56 seconds too late to make [TS]

  this funny show but like this is the [TS]

  thing and this is why i think the Senate [TS]

  might be a waste of your time but it's [TS]

  certainly we should be in Special Forces [TS]

  it certainly is you being elected I [TS]

  think it's probably just a bad idea for [TS]

  a variety of reasons logo i think that i [TS]

  think would be a tremendous idea the [TS]

  problem is that what that you got to get [TS]

  elected you should order the line is you [TS]

  got to have stupid people like you [TS]

  yeah but stupid people [TS]

  always like me are you kidding me right [TS]

  stupid people think i'm aware you feel [TS]

  like you really get on with stupid [TS]

  people i mean i can get on with all [TS]

  kinds of people that could you adjust [TS]

  these no you don't you don't adopt a [TS]

  patois but you feel like you adjust are [TS]

  you able to convincingly uh what's [TS]

  squelch down your belt and strong when [TS]

  you need to [TS]

  I i think it has to do with [TS]

  understanding for spending a lot of time [TS]

  trying to understand someone who does [TS]

  not want to make a mental effort but [TS]

  prefers to make an emotional effort to [TS]

  but prefers to interact with the world [TS]

  strictly on our kind of like immediate [TS]

  emotional basis her and not sit and [TS]

  think about even the basic building [TS]

  blocks of a what their experiences but [TS]

  just react to it emotionally and [TS]

  immediately and I've tried to explain my [TS]

  thinking again was in while in [TS]

  simplified version taking taking many [TS]

  things at face value without considering [TS]

  in my case one of my obsessions is what [TS]

  is whether it's a compliment or an [TS]

  insult or to be honest guys with ax [TS]

  handles like what's really going on [TS]

  there like that what is being said and [TS]

  what's being not said when the whole [TS]

  time you're telling a story and all I [TS]

  could see was scared guys like they're [TS]

  not real tough guys like real tough guys [TS]

  wouldn't need three of them in ax [TS]

  handles like they were scared and they [TS]

  kept hitting you after they couldn't [TS]

  stop because now they're adrenalin was [TS]

  high and they realize they could do it [TS]

  yeah you know and that's Matt and they [TS]

  weren't listening to me as I was [TS]

  patiently explaining to them all the [TS]

  reasons why me [TS]

  lighting this poster on fire a wasn't [TS]

  their business and be wasn't really a [TS]

  bigger reason that you guys can have [TS]

  just found something to do together as a [TS]

  project right now i mean i think that [TS]

  the Venn diagram for that you certainly [TS]

  had time to dry but I mean like that [TS]

  with there's a lot more to it and that's [TS]

  all that's one of the four of us take [TS]

  these bats and this lighter who and go [TS]

  like make a make a fire someone soup [TS]

  right i have some fun [TS]

  it's like if you get but the dumb people [TS]

  think they don't like Saddam I mean you [TS]

  know that stupidly abled are na ah i [TS]

  think it's it's not i feels to me like [TS]

  from a remove [TS]

  it feels like even with my friends who [TS]

  are really really smart and are so into [TS]

  the politics you know they are they're [TS]

  so smart people let me just stipulate [TS]

  but along the line especially in [TS]

  politics there's just so much branding [TS]

  and looking for somebody that says [TS]

  something you can agree with without [TS]

  doing any of your due diligence on how [TS]

  that you know comports with what they've [TS]

  done in their life you know what I mean [TS]

  and like you're not out there going like [TS]

  well here's a chart showing like what i [TS]

  should say this week you would be [TS]

  somebody you could go out there and say [TS]

  like believe me I understand being [TS]

  fucked up [TS]

  I've been pretty fucked out now that [TS]

  that but also immediate all politics is [TS]

  local as the is the phrase and one of [TS]

  the things that I learned growing up in [TS]

  surrounded by people in politics was [TS]

  that but the e you get so you get so [TS]

  much of of what is what ultimately is [TS]

  national politics but ultimately is all [TS]

  this like what are we going to do with [TS]

  our bodies what are we going to do with [TS]

  this what are we gonna do with that that [TS]

  these different versions of a of what we [TS]

  imagine his government and it all comes [TS]

  down to ultimately different ideas of [TS]

  public land use policy you know it all [TS]

  comes down to zoning in a way and zoning [TS]

  is a way that you can really get inside [TS]

  your neighbors heads and zoning is a way [TS]

  that you can start to understand why [TS]

  stupid people are so mad all the time [TS]

  because when you're trying to govern a [TS]

  city you're looking at zoning and you're [TS]

  saying this is going to be our business [TS]

  district this area over here is the [TS]

  these are going to be farms and if a guy [TS]

  wants to build a skyscraper out here on [TS]

  a farm [TS]

  we're not going to let him do it because [TS]

  we don't have the infrastructure there [TS]

  that's not where you get to build [TS]

  skyscrapers so we're workin finding the [TS]

  skyscrapers to downtown [TS]

  well so the guy that owns the farm says [TS]

  who the hell are those guys downtown to [TS]

  tell me I can't build a skyscraper here [TS]

  because not so much about skyscrapers as [TS]

  that this larger states rights it should [TS]

  become the state's rights not expressly [TS]

  know what I mean that's exactly states [TS]

  like note in the states rights and [TS]

  decoded sense of I'm the south and [TS]

  nobody's gonna fucking tell me [TS]

  to do right and that happens everywhere [TS]

  you go and watching it here in seattle [TS]

  where for a long time there was no there [TS]

  was no zoning and people were just going [TS]

  out and they were buying 500 acres of [TS]

  farmland right on the edge of town and [TS]

  they were building a cookie cutter [TS]

  development as fast as they could nail [TS]

  it on her until there were no farms left [TS]

  and so the city so everybody's [TS]

  complaining to the city why are you [TS]

  letting them do this with your they're [TS]

  ruining the city and so the city says [TS]

  okay I you can't do that anymore [TS]

  you can't be can't we're going to [TS]

  preserve that farmland and we're going [TS]

  to concentrate development downtown [TS]

  well I'm instantly every farmer within [TS]

  400 miles of seattle was infuriated not [TS]

  but not because most of them ever [TS]

  intended to build a subdivision on their [TS]

  farm but because the city had just taken [TS]

  away that possibility but it said you [TS]

  know it's like passing a law that says [TS]

  it's illegal it's still legal for you to [TS]

  win a lottery up to a hundred and [TS]

  seventeen dollars but you're not allowed [TS]

  to win a lottery over 15 million dollars [TS]

  right [TS]

  think about that for a second right you [TS]

  go to somebody you know what here's the [TS]

  thing you can keep playing for somebody [TS]

  said to me [TS]

  whoa whoa nobody's gonna take my way my [TS]

  right to win a hundred and seven in [TS]

  there are millions and millions of [TS]

  millions of dollars even there's no [TS]

  fucking way in the entire world that [TS]

  they're ever gonna win the lottery the [TS]

  fact that you've taken away their right [TS]

  to do that every component to be small [TS]

  potatoes is is philosophically at odds [TS]

  with those folks now [TS]

  well not just that but but you're at [TS]

  you're going to if you want to each one [TS]

  of these farmers and set down in the [TS]

  living room you said listen do you want [TS]

  to see a world where there are no more [TS]

  farms they would say of course not right [TS]

  it's like selling somebody a vacuum [TS]

  cleaner you just get them to say yes [TS]

  five times and somewhere around the 7th [TS]

  or 8th time they will buy a fucking [TS]

  vacuum cleaner is what they've gotten so [TS]

  used to saying yes would you say that [TS]

  the life of your children is more [TS]

  important than the fat cats on Wall [TS]

  Street [TS]

  oh my god yes what the fuck is an [TS]

  infraction and then people use that same [TS]

  sentence to sell both political views [TS]

  absolutely absolutely but but if you go [TS]

  to if you go to America and you say we [TS]

  do you want to see the death of the [TS]

  family farm in your lifetime [TS]

  they're all going to say no if you say [TS]

  okay in that case eat [TS]

  where we have passed a law that you can [TS]

  no longer develop your property they're [TS]

  going to say well I want that line drawn [TS]

  right on the other side of me you know [TS]

  that restriction placed right on the [TS]

  other side of my opportunity to develop [TS]

  my farm and make a hundred million [TS]

  dollars even if I never do it how many [TS]

  people would stop to think that if you [TS]

  really want to keep family farms alive [TS]

  you probably shouldn't let fucking [TS]

  skyscrapers people don them right now a [TS]

  lot of family farm anymore it's like if [TS]

  you agree if we agree you're gonna have [TS]

  to make this sacrifice we all make [TS]

  sacrifices you as a farm owner are going [TS]

  to have to make this sacrifice and [TS]

  that's the point at which right [TS]

  most people don't want to be the one [TS]

  hand and most people walk away from that [TS]

  encounter not thinking about the big [TS]

  picture but saying to themselves and [TS]

  this is the narrative of the whole of [TS]

  all conservatism which is why am I the [TS]

  one that has to make the sacrifice right [TS]

  if you listen to anyone on the [TS]

  conservative spectrum talk about being [TS]

  asked to make sacrifices they all they [TS]

  all speak about it in language as though [TS]

  they are the only one who ever had to [TS]

  make a sacrifice and so so that's the [TS]

  difference between you know that that is [TS]

  where local politics expands to national [TS]

  politics and that is a that is a world [TS]

  I've spent my whole life trying to [TS]

  understand so I feel like I could I [TS]

  could I could easily run for office and [TS]

  at least make myself understood to those [TS]

  people because I because I understand i [TS]

  can put myself any of us can put [TS]

  ourselves in the shoes of feeling like [TS]

  that kid on Christmas morning and all of [TS]

  your brothers and sisters got a present [TS]

  but the family ran out of money and [TS]

  you're the one that doesn't get right on [TS]

  it and let the risk of falling into this [TS]

  but you know what lake off identifies in [TS]

  that and I don't think an elephant book [TS]

  the conservative model of government as [TS]

  a family or nation as a family you know [TS]

  that'sthat's paradigm that was very [TS]

  effective like You Don't Tell I don't [TS]

  need a permission slip to invade [TS]

  Afghanistan are necessary iraq so forth [TS]

  but i mean i think that family thing [TS]

  think of it this way this is where it [TS]

  becomes valuable to me is like imagined [TS]

  like if you are a parent and you had god [TS]

  forbid you had a bunch of kids under the [TS]

  age of six like do they get to vote [TS]

  about whether you're going to have mms [TS]

  for dinner [TS]

  like do they get of [TS]

  but in that we would you say to them is [TS]

  in the school is just a reminder on how [TS]

  liberal you are because I know a lot of [TS]

  money to bring your own bag lot of [TS]

  hippie a lot of hippie parents around [TS]

  here in Seattle they're like you want [TS]

  you to stick of butter / dinner the [TS]

  rights as long as vegan butter smeared [TS]

  on a spider sugar the um no but i guess [TS]

  i'm saying is a sound making them [TS]

  business terribly mixed metaphor here [TS]

  but but you know what i want is a [TS]

  candidate and I've seen if they feel [TS]

  like sometimes people like barney frank [TS]

  or like people not just click because [TS]

  the gate park because the [TS]

  straight-talking part the occasional [TS]

  straight-talking part of the politician [TS]

  we're so what are my values if it is a [TS]

  value it at least value in the sense if [TS]

  I know when I'm fucking up at it i think [TS]

  and i definitely see what other people [TS]

  are fucking about it is like everything [TS]

  that you are your green ok your green [TS]

  for what cost to you know know that [TS]

  green for like how much money it saves [TS]

  you right and this is why bit with the [TS]

  fucking hotels you go in and every [TS]

  single thing they do to be green save [TS]

  some money right and it does not save [TS]

  you anything or well it's absolutely or [TS]

  more stimulated this point if they [TS]

  wanted to be green [TS]

  why don't they spend whatever it takes [TS]

  to become become completely solar light [TS]

  or or whatever [TS]

  why don't you what would it cost not for [TS]

  you just to get more insulation to save [TS]

  you money I get it but you don't get to [TS]

  call yourself green just because you [TS]

  save money you get to call yourself [TS]

  green when you give things up [TS]

  mhm including money including money and [TS]

  that's the thing is fucking politics [TS]

  that drives me bananas [TS]

  there's two things in politics first of [TS]

  all politics as pro wrestling it is [TS]

  about as valuable to follow politics as [TS]

  it is to follow for wrestling if you [TS]

  enjoy you should do it but if you care [TS]

  if i can change yourself get out there [TS]

  be a man about it don't worry about [TS]

  Twitter you don't time for twitter you [TS]

  got to change the world gum we go now [TS]

  here's the second one the second one is [TS]

  what the fuck that you give up because [TS]

  your ex so if you really care a lot [TS]

  about anything I want to know what you [TS]

  gave up for that not just even money you [TS]

  know what I mean like I'm not for the [TS]

  parent park ever comes in case somebody [TS]

  comes up and goes what about the values [TS]

  of the green space [TS]

  of the green space [TS]

  there what are we going to do for our [TS]

  children and then the schools and it's [TS]

  like I want to have politician can fire [TS]

  straight back at that person and say [TS]

  that's an excellent question let me ask [TS]

  you what you're willing to pay for that [TS]

  right and let me show you here's the way [TS]

  it works we have this much pie and we [TS]

  can cut it up in all kinds of ways but [TS]

  every day I spend every day figuring out [TS]

  who to disappoint least today right well [TS]

  helping the most people and just because [TS]

  you stood up there with your little [TS]

  funny bag and give me some remarks but [TS]

  you know I want somebody can fucking [TS]

  take that person down and say here's why [TS]

  we do that and then people like I think [TS]

  you Harvey Milk was kinda like this you [TS]

  can you get maybe it's all just a punk [TS]

  bitch nobody straight-talking you can [TS]

  say here's what that cost child probably [TS]

  that though is that that that you do get [TS]

  politicians like that like chris [TS]

  Christie or even Mitt Romney with his [TS]

  47% comments [TS]

  it's just that well as soon as you start [TS]

  quote-unquote straight talking with [TS]

  people you start saying things that you [TS]

  know that the opposition is like here he [TS]

  goes [TS]

  I mean you-you-you see straight that [TS]

  that the gift is to be able to say those [TS]

  things in a way that the way where you [TS]

  don't end up hanging by your own rope [TS]

  when straight talk straight talk first [TS]

  of all what pass i'm gonna shut up after [TS]

  this fucking cares I don't care about [TS]

  politics by what passes for population [TS]

  today really bugs me because it is the [TS]

  kind of populism that basically says if [TS]

  there's any other single person in the [TS]

  world that has the tiniest thing that [TS]

  you don't whether you want it or not [TS]

  like they're a dick and you're awesome [TS]

  and you're fucking martyr and that [TS]

  driving that is not populism that is [TS]

  just selfish and stupid and Prevention [TS]

  behavior like everybody's got problems [TS]

  and if when you grow up you realize that [TS]

  everybody's got different problems and [TS]

  you can't always understand other [TS]

  people's problems but that is exactly [TS]

  the kind of attitude that opens us up to [TS]

  these charlatans and so all these people [TS]

  who can sell us on that emotion without [TS]

  ever causing us to think a little more [TS]

  well what do they have to gain by [TS]

  sending nicely populism that's always [TS]

  been popular really think so [TS]

  Andrew Jackson ran a campaign [TS]

  oh well I'm based on even more somebody [TS]

  who drops the g's and touch their [TS]

  suspenders and says oh gosh oh golly [TS]

  makes it sound like a regular dude and I [TS]

  get you [TS]

  yeah yeah I mean populism is by by by [TS]

  its very definition of appeal to the the [TS]

  bassist emotions of the largest number [TS]

  of unformed people there is no I mean I [TS]

  there is no populism that isn't that [TS]

  gross ultimately end up and the the [TS]

  problem is a I mean we were all raised [TS]

  to think that one day through education [TS]

  we were going to create a nation of [TS]

  philosopher Kings where everybody was [TS]

  going to be hyper informed we were all [TS]

  going to sit around reading alexandre [TS]

  dumas and talking about the talking [TS]

  about like a the the rarefied little [TS]

  adjustments we needed to make two are [TS]

  finely oiled comic you know complete [TS]

  perfect democracy right and in fact that [TS]

  education has dare i say not produce [TS]

  this situation and as we hurtle forward [TS]

  we we have a we have a we have a mass [TS]

  electronic communication system that has [TS]

  produced the the the appearance of [TS]

  information and we have 200 million [TS]

  people in America who feel like they are [TS]

  informed because they because they are [TS]

  being told things all day they're [TS]

  they're watching and listening to people [TS]

  telling them things and they see it with [TS]

  their own eyes and they believe that [TS]

  they have I mean at least in 1830 you [TS]

  had people out plowing the fields and if [TS]

  you came up to them and said what do you [TS]

  think about this they say listen I've [TS]

  never heard of it i don't know what [TS]

  you're talking about like i have two [TS]

  books in the house the Bible and the [TS]

  other Bible and that's all I know your [TS]

  name but now you walk up to to the to a [TS]

  person with a with almost no capacity to [TS]

  be interested in things enough to [TS]

  self-educate themselves beyond just the [TS]

  thinnest like one molecule deep [TS]

  understanding of things but they know it [TS]

  would they know one molecule deep about [TS]

  1 million things because they're [TS]

  watching it on TV they know who won the [TS]

  Oscars they know you know they know the [TS]

  that they know that scoochie just had a [TS]

  baby or whatever in New Jersey good for [TS]

  scoochie you know scoochie is my [TS]

  favorite character on that show [TS]

  now what she had hoped the people yeah [TS]

  that's the the show about them with [TS]

  their there's they're doing their thing [TS]

  and so she just had a baby and everybody [TS]

  knows all this [TS]

  oh yeah who's an Oscar Wilde that you [TS]

  know people seneca someone who knows the [TS]

  the price of everything and the value of [TS]

  nothing and that's why it reminds me so [TS]

  much of sports is that people people who [TS]

  feel extremely well-informed about [TS]

  politics by tuning into the people that [TS]

  they normally agree with and I basically [TS]

  reading sports scores it does not make [TS]

  you an effective part of the body [TS]

  politic it makes you a sports fan [TS]

  it makes you somebody who knows the box [TS]

  scores and who's leading in the National [TS]

  League Eastern Division you know who has [TS]

  been with two and a half games ahead and [TS]

  you know that this guy you know is going [TS]

  to have ACL surgery that doesn't make [TS]

  you a fucking expert and it doesn't it [TS]

  doesn't it doesn't you know what I mean [TS]

  it's like what you need to get past this [TS]

  point of seeing these these two pro [TS]

  wrestlers as the answer to any problem [TS]

  you know i mean like it's just not how [TS]

  it works its and it's anyway and I guess [TS]

  the reason I'm so crank your defensive [TS]

  about it is I need a John Roderick I [TS]

  need somebody to make me care about [TS]

  politics and to be willing to bring my [TS]

  bag or or or for that matter demand a [TS]

  bag depending on how it works out [TS]

  according to you and I defer to you on [TS]

  this but you know it just it just drives [TS]

  me bananas that I I feel like we're [TS]

  amongst my friends I'm the one who's the [TS]

  dick because i'm seeing the matrix you [TS]

  know and it but if you say anything [TS]

  about that to people they get so mad I [TS]

  remember I remember me and it wasn't [TS]

  very long ago at all in the election [TS]

  cycle really let's say half way through [TS]

  they say about 2010 when the Democrats [TS]

  got their asses handed them and I've [TS]

  said this maybe twice [TS]

  how are those hope posters working out [TS]

  for you is a fucking human being from [TS]

  Chicago is a good man he seems like a [TS]

  good man but he's a fucking politic from [TS]

  piece of politician from Illinois with [TS]

  not that much experience people get mad [TS]

  imagining on a poster like they're like [TS]

  everyone kind of said the same thing and [TS]

  then they say they're not listening to [TS]

  what you're saying they're just hearing [TS]

  you say something that sounded like [TS]

  something sheets well I'm [TS]

  what I'm saying is that like I would [TS]

  never have a poster of a lawyer with the [TS]

  word love on it haha [TS]

  because that's not why I hire a lawyer [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  I don't I don't I don't go out and hire [TS]

  a hitman for the mob because he talks [TS]

  about his feelings like I want a [TS]

  president I want fucking lungs accepting [TS]

  Vietnam I want to Lyndon Johnson in [TS]

  there I want somebody with good [TS]

  rolodexes how to connect to kick [TS]

  somebody's ass and knows how to order a [TS]

  pair of pants those balls are [TS]

  comfortable but I was we as we get as we [TS]

  get set for God's sake except for [TS]

  vietnam vietnam was a problem i just [TS]

  stipulate as we get deeper and deeper [TS]

  into the into this experiment of of pure [TS]

  democracy and America is an ongoing [TS]

  experiment it's 200 years in and it [TS]

  keeps it keeps six or rewriting its own [TS]

  rulebook but it is unprecedented in [TS]

  human history that there was ever a [TS]

  nation like this that was ever governed [TS]

  like this and as we move forward we we [TS]

  keep thinking that America is a thing [TS]

  that once was perfect and we are [TS]

  corrupting it or America was on a path [TS]

  to being perfect and we have gone off [TS]

  the path right but in in fact America is [TS]

  this this petri dish that all the world [TS]

  is watching and the world isn't what has [TS]

  been has been for for 200 years like [TS]

  cartoon of your holy shit i can't [TS]

  believe we pulled that off for another [TS]

  another five years right and the world [TS]

  is watching it not just in admiration [TS]

  but you know the world takes takes from [TS]

  us some of the results of our experiment [TS]

  and they take it over to their own [TS]

  places where they have recently deposed [TS]

  King and they say well we don't really [TS]

  like everything about the Declaration of [TS]

  Independence and the and the US [TS]

  Constitution but we're going to take [TS]

  some things we're gonna do this we're [TS]

  gonna do that [TS]

  and meanwhile we are prepared slogging [TS]

  along trying to make this experiment [TS]

  work and the further we go up this one [TS]

  particular path the more everybody [TS]

  starts to say boy you know oligarchy [TS]

  wasn't that bad [TS]

  in contrast to pure democracy and that [TS]

  is just that's a coarse adjustment you [TS]

  know we 50 years ago lived in a kind of [TS]

  all the particle system where we had [TS]

  people like Lyndon Johnson who were [TS]

  taking care of things and we trusted FDR [TS]

  and we trusted we trusted this sort of [TS]

  group of who / who were almost all look [TS]

  incredibly competent scumbags [TS]

  yeah right i mean about so that's I mean [TS]

  the but you know you said no it's like I [TS]

  i mean i think their heroic I think [TS]

  they're in heroic people but like once [TS]

  you know about how that sausage got made [TS]

  like you know they did some shit [TS]

  yeah well but you think about you think [TS]

  about somebody like Gandhi who was [TS]

  incredibly competent and not a scumbag [TS]

  right [TS]

  he worked his whole life to free India [TS]

  from British oppressive oppression I'm [TS]

  missing a tooth and narrate the day and [TS]

  the you know literally the day he he [TS]

  achieved independence from britain all [TS]

  of a sudden Pakistan once independence [TS]

  from India and their plunged into what [TS]

  is effectively a a civil war and a [TS]

  religious war that that persists to this [TS]

  day and it has become like the nuclear [TS]

  flashpoint of the world and all of that [TS]

  is a about the whole india-pakistan [TS]

  problem [TS]

  Andy and we one might argue the problem [TS]

  with Afghanistan is Pakistan and India [TS]

  fighting kind of a proxy war in [TS]

  Afghanistan and that whole problem is a [TS]

  result of Gandhi freeing india from [TS]

  British oppression [TS]

  so even the best you know even the best [TS]

  system even the even the the man with [TS]

  the most integrity in human history [TS]

  cannot produce a situation that isn't [TS]

  that doesn't you know dissolve into in [TS]

  this case not just Muslim vs Hindu but [TS]

  you know it well I i'm not saying we [TS]

  should return to the Raj i'm not saying [TS]

  that that that that freeing india from [TS]

  British oppression was a bad plan [TS]

  it's just that now look now the now the [TS]

  cats are out of the bag and people are [TS]

  going to do what they're going to do and [TS]

  it you know [TS]

  but you're also you're also getting to [TS]

  another big problem at least in my [TS]

  estimation which is to never people who [TS]

  may be people who aren't as fucked up [TS]

  and liberal artsy is me who took don't [TS]

  take into account how many how life is a [TS]

  tile puzzle is like one little space if [TS]

  you want to get that in order from like [TS]

  12 15 you gotta move a lot of fucking [TS]

  tiles around its super inconvenient and [TS]

  if your only goal in life is to make [TS]

  sure that number number for always stays [TS]

  in the upper right-hand corner there's [TS]

  gonna be so much work involved in moving [TS]

  all those towels around and if you will [TS]

  you sit around thinking i want for to [TS]

  always stay there and don't you dare [TS]

  fucking touch it [TS]

  well that's not how it's going to work [TS]

  everybody else wants their tile [TS]

  someplace to there's a lot of people who [TS]

  just want the tiles they move they don't [TS]

  really care what the numbers are those [TS]

  doing that lawyers and so but you know [TS]

  and get to get for backup to back corner [TS]

  in my hand to go and do somebody [TS]

  somewhere real farm you might have to [TS]

  just shut the fuck up and let somebody [TS]

  else being for for a little while if you [TS]

  ever want to have it back and and that's [TS]

  all the Rubik's Cube and again this [TS]

  apply this to me this disc gets to this [TS]

  really cynical I don't know it's just [TS]

  it's a weak spot that a lot of us have [TS]

  an American because we also think you're [TS]

  smart and special which is that if we [TS]

  have if we have a lot of us if we find [TS]

  somebody who will tell us that your [TS]

  number for tile will always get to stay [TS]

  in the upper right-hand corner and I [TS]

  will defend all the people who think [TS]

  your tires should move you're gonna miss [TS]

  understand so many things about how the [TS]

  world works [TS]

  setting aside the fact that they're [TS]

  still you know what 14 other people who [TS]

  want their tiles to move and so in this [TS]

  is why i say well I in green is one that [TS]

  drives me crazy because I think it's so [TS]

  fucking cynical to say that and people [TS]

  say when my question always is well [TS]

  green at the cost of what right and in [TS]

  this instance you could say to somebody [TS]

  you can basically you treat them like a [TS]

  child you treat them like a child he [TS]

  took them almost like in my case like a [TS]

  toddler right with my daughter three in [TS]

  the afternoon I come home and I'm lucky [TS]

  and we get to hang out and I end and [TS]

  there's this whole list of things that [TS]

  we could do that come up well you know [TS]

  we could play some wii we could go to [TS]

  the library we could read this comic hey [TS]

  you know we have enough time that we [TS]

  could go to the embarcadero are likely [TS]

  to the ferry building we could and [TS]

  there's all these things and they rent [TS]

  themselves a little bit over two over [TS]

  two [TS]

  we could get a chocolate chip cookie we [TS]

  could play in the backyard but the thing [TS]

  is at seven o'clock when we still [TS]

  haven't left the house she still thinks [TS]

  we're going to get a chocolate cookie at [TS]

  embarcadero and I'm saying you heard you [TS]

  like blood ginger you all you heard it [TS]

  all the stuff that you wanted to hear [TS]

  and you cannot hear any of the parts [TS]

  about these the really important part [TS]

  because maybe I said it wrong but what I [TS]

  really needed to say is we need to get [TS]

  the fuck out of the house by 3 15 to do [TS]

  anything [TS]

  yeah and now I'm the dick because i'm [TS]

  not gonna give you a cookie well that's [TS]

  politics to me today is everybody hears [TS]

  all the ways that they're gonna they're [TS]

  gonna get to call themselves green and [TS]

  get the vegan meals but they're not [TS]

  willing to pony up the dough to do it i [TS]

  want me to sell it about to cfl light [TS]

  bulbs that last week for the 99 cents [TS]

  some green now i don't mean to suggest [TS]

  that this is where this sorry child was [TS]

  your relationship with your daughter [TS]

  yeah but this is why a punch in the nose [TS]

  is such an effective problem solver and [TS]

  they just they just took that away from [TS]

  you woke up one day and that was the day [TS]

  they took that away from us [TS]

  I'm sorry they took it he took it away [TS]

  from from the people who might have that [TS]

  coming because obviously there's a [TS]

  there's often a guy who's standing on [TS]

  his number four square and he's like I [TS]

  moving my family's been in the top [TS]

  right-hand corner that's right since at [TS]

  six and and at a certain point you [TS]

  realize you cannot appease this person [TS]

  you cannot make it right [TS]

  they will never be satisfied who and you [TS]

  still need to move that thing out of the [TS]

  top right corner you need to get you [TS]

  need occupy square number four and [TS]

  ultimately in times past a punch in the [TS]

  nose was warranted a response this guy [TS]

  in the nose and then it's like you said [TS]

  whether it should give you some clarity [TS]

  like having your head said why you're [TS]

  trippin [TS]

  it just gives a little bit a little bit [TS]

  quick clarity anything but it's the [TS]

  thing is the thing about eminent domain [TS]

  or it's the thing about Oleg arche at a [TS]

  certain point we elect people because we [TS]

  trust that we don't have all the facts [TS]

  and that these people are going to be [TS]

  more informed than we are and they're [TS]

  going to make decisions on our behalf [TS]

  and in America now we elect people and [TS]

  then we second-guess their every move [TS]

  because we think that we are we all pick [TS]

  the were the smartest people in because [TS]

  because we heard there might be a cookie [TS]

  coming even though we didn't understand [TS]

  how much was involved before you got [TS]

  here that i got elected because he [TS]

  promised us a cookie and now where's our [TS]

  cooking hold on [TS]

  home the fact that we that we we can't [TS]

  all manage these things and we hire [TS]

  people basically yeah be representatives [TS]

  to go figure this stuff out for us and [TS]

  if we're not the problem is that we used [TS]

  to at least sometimes hire people that [TS]

  we thought were better than we are but [TS]

  in a mirror is better than anybody now [TS]

  John that's right in America now that if [TS]

  there is no one better than and anybody [TS]

  who just wants to stand up and say I'm [TS]

  the best there and so we hire people to [TS]

  go to public office for us who are you [TS]

  know who believe that though that the [TS]

  world was created in seven days or who [TS]

  believe that all you have to do is [TS]

  implement a 2-percent across-the-board [TS]

  tax and all of our bills will go away or [TS]

  people bet [TS]

  uh you know the believe that ron Hubbard [TS]

  uh oh gotta make time he thinks ezc123 [TS]

  and weekend i'm sorry please continue [TS]

  no no it's not just want to make sure to [TS]

  make sure that was two things we have to [TS]

  come back to you if we don't think we [TS]

  have time for Howard's involves we [TS]

  should say that but what I want to ask [TS]

  you is this is a two-part question [TS]

  answer it you know as you do but if you [TS]

  had your druthers today if if you knew [TS]

  in your heart or thought in your heart [TS]

  maybe maybe you're just going to push a [TS]

  rock up the hill but let's say you are [TS]

  going to run for offers at what level [TS]

  will you run for office and given where [TS]

  you're running can you give me some [TS]

  basic planks in the edge on Roderick [TS]

  platform i'm just going to say to start [TS]

  out i don't want to I don't want to piss [TS]

  in your punch bowl but i think the whole [TS]

  idea of you even even conceding that you [TS]

  need to be elected for something as a [TS]

  goddamn Holocaust well anything without [TS]

  going in with a plan like yours a man a [TS]

  plan a canal supertrain it's fucking [TS]

  depressing as hell that you need to [TS]

  consider asking somebody to do you the [TS]

  favor of voting for you the the thing is [TS]

  though that if you get elected say for [TS]

  instance mayor of Seattle who you have [TS]

  you have into you know instantaneously [TS]

  all these agencies all those people [TS]

  working for you who are trying to try to [TS]

  run the city efficiently but also our [TS]

  you know our kind of open to reform I [TS]

  mean people are used to a new mayor [TS]

  coming in already netiquette in its [TS]

  infrastructure but you can always clean [TS]

  house you do a little you do a little [TS]

  housecleaning who i think that you know [TS]

  I don't want to say that being married [TS]

  yet [TS]

  the dead-end job but I think that's not [TS]

  see now that's the kind of dependent [TS]

  clause that gets a Manoff i have been [TS]

  running for mayor of Seattle would be [TS]

  would be a fascinating journey to go on [TS]

  and I didn't being mayor of Seattle [TS]

  given what I know about the city which [TS]

  is everything you know there are some [TS]

  there are some changes i would make [TS]

  there are a lot of things about the way [TS]

  Seattle runs that I would leave alone [TS]

  that would just let Seattle run but [TS]

  there are there are quite a few i mean [TS]

  their relationships you have to maintain [TS]

  and our present mayor is a is very [TS]

  effective [TS]

  he's the hippie and so he has you know [TS]

  he has hippie values and that squares [TS]

  with what everybody around here if you [TS]

  want something selfish and duplicitous [TS]

  that's a good place to look [TS]

  but but the thing about Seattle is there [TS]

  there are a lot of people in Seattle who [TS]

  are hippies who and I think that they [TS]

  have a tendency to not you know to run [TS]

  roughshod over the mirror to to do not [TS]

  respect him and you know we hear in [TS]

  these it's like they're too many bike [TS]

  lanes kind of arguments now it's like [TS]

  they're really are there too many bike [TS]

  lanes and then what it and his problem [TS]

  is that he he believes that we should [TS]

  have more bike lanes any believes that [TS]

  is self-evident he doesn't have to [TS]

  explain it there are doing not they're [TS]

  not is so he's saying there's not enough [TS]

  streets that have a bike lane or we need [TS]

  like five across on this road [TS]

  I think our present there would be would [TS]

  be gratified if there were only bikes [TS]

  and the only cars then only it's a [TS]

  fascinating conversation to have but so [TS]

  I i think that I would run for mayor of [TS]

  Seattle ok but ultimately my father will [TS]

  not rest my mind my ancestors will not [TS]

  rest until I'm a United States Senator [TS]

  and that's up [TS]

  that's a harder job to acquire I don't [TS]

  even know how to frame this but you know [TS]

  that is yet John that is that is a great [TS]

  goal or you are aging a little bit i [TS]

  think that's actually more than a one [TS]

  admit is going to be your people people [TS]

  will probably care less about your [TS]

  trippin but I mean you're pretty old to [TS]

  get office at this point but it's true [TS]

  it's it's a pretty old to start at the [TS]

  bottom unless you unless you you do [TS]

  something heroic recently Sonny Bono [TS]

  you got elected to the United States [TS]

  maybe he know he wrote needles and pins [TS]

  well see ya that's what something costs [TS]

  arts and I have always felt that the [TS]

  that for me [TS]

  the my entree into the jobs that I've [TS]

  always wanted which are united states [TS]

  senator a professor of a history [TS]

  americas haha what if you want to be [TS]

  yeah I'm sorry that's so awesome you [TS]

  want to be a professor of history [TS]

  emeritus yes would you if you had your [TS]

  druthers I would hear third one too but [TS]

  if you could you would skip over the [TS]

  ignominious career of being a professor [TS]

  fisting just being an American correct [TS]

  crap i am I have no interest in being a [TS]

  professor of history teaches survey so [TS]

  forward-thinking I want to be a [TS]

  professor of history and a lot of work [TS]

  yeah or or a retired general of the army [TS]

  and in order to get to those three jobs [TS]

  the standard model that you started both [TS]

  you started local level and you work [TS]

  your way up through the ranks you don't [TS]

  get to here's the thing you might have [TS]

  to be you might have to be an assistant [TS]

  alderman before your alderman you have [TS]

  an alderman then you're going to be a [TS]

  lawyer for a couple years become a [TS]

  lobbyist then you might run for mayor [TS]

  yeah I'm not interested in any of those [TS]

  things that see this John that is just [TS]

  that can I just say John and no offense [TS]

  to anybody in politics that you know but [TS]

  that's just undignified having to work [TS]

  your way up like we'll wait what-what [TS]

  are you in elementary school three [TS]

  different things I I don't need to know [TS]

  where the bodies are buried [TS]

  I'll have people for that yeah well I [TS]

  yeah so so using Sonny Bono as a model [TS]

  which you know or or the guy who played [TS]

  a Cletus on on Dukes have my thanks to [TS]

  get cooter cooter right the guy who [TS]

  played cooter um you know you got his [TS]

  real name by the way is Joseph Regina he [TS]

  you just parlay your fame in a different [TS]

  vernacular who and then at a certain [TS]

  point you start saying you know you pull [TS]

  an arnold schwarzenegger you start [TS]

  talking like you know about stuff and [TS]

  enough people go oh that sounds [TS]

  reasonable [TS]

  they're pretty soon you're the governor [TS]

  of california is not a bad example I [TS]

  think he's a better example incentive [TS]

  bonus a bonus seems like whatever but [TS]

  Arnold Schwarzenegger [TS]

  you know say what you will about that [TS]

  guy there's a lot to say about that guy [TS]

  but you know what he worked really [TS]

  really hard adventure [TS]

  well that's a lot of work being arrested [TS]

  about travel but I mean you know you go [TS]

  back and read a little bit about his bio [TS]

  he worked really sure he took steroids [TS]

  and stuff but he still he worked really [TS]

  hard as I broke up with the razor blade [TS]

  to buy better million times you get paid [TS]

  a little extra for that doesn't feel so [TS]

  that's my plan i kinda like I feel like [TS]

  rather than going to work outside the [TS]

  system this is the part of him [TS]

  struggling to understand you're gonna [TS]

  work inside of an electoral system where [TS]

  where where people who have no business [TS]

  voting are theoretically the one that [TS]

  are going to give or take a job from you [TS]

  yeah you know I John that's it because I [TS]

  admire the system you know ultimately [TS]

  all the stuff that I say that sounds [TS]

  like I am and I i'm interested in [TS]

  running a a monarchy basically i really [TS]

  admire I admire the American system with [TS]

  with all its faults and i think [TS]

  absolutely let me think let me ask you [TS]

  this I don't even numbers up a way to do [TS]

  this on hope life is how would you feel [TS]

  about being a retired senator here's my [TS]

  thinking you could become lets you skip [TS]

  over being a senator let's be honest [TS]

  it's a lot of working you're not going [TS]

  to get it but if you were a retired [TS]

  senator and you could be look at jimmy [TS]

  carter right right now senator but in [TS]

  this case I think he needs some [TS]

  conventional wisdom that is fairly [TS]

  undistinguished term in office it has [TS]

  almost been out shown by the massive [TS]

  amount of of good stuff he's done since [TS]

  then [TS]

  right so I think it's time for you to [TS]

  put your past behind you [TS]

  Tom openly about the fact that you've [TS]

  done some kind of silly things in the [TS]

  past and and get past this whole [TS]

  election electoral process which is as I [TS]

  say in my opinion a little and dignified [TS]

  and you go straight to being an elder [TS]

  non statesman well for instance uh but [TS]

  David Petraeus the former general of the [TS]

  army general petraeus who is a who is [TS]

  right now director of the Central [TS]

  Intelligence Agency who and who is being [TS]

  courted to become the President of [TS]

  Princeton University now this is a [TS]

  career path that I would like to [TS]

  inject myself into that is that's [TS]

  opportunities you're not going to get in [TS]

  till you've had a job and left it right [TS]

  so he he was genuine right everybody [TS]

  here for people before you can call [TS]

  yourself an author right you got to be a [TS]

  marine before you can be a marine right [TS]

  i don't want to I don't whatever [TS]

  whatever Petraeus did when he was a [TS]

  lieutenant who well whoever's boots [TS]

  shined to get promoted to captain I'm [TS]

  not interested in shining those boots no [TS]

  but uh and and frankly you know all the [TS]

  wars he waged there during the Bush [TS]

  administration [TS]

  yeah you know take them or leave them [TS]

  but now to be retired general of the [TS]

  army director see is a nice position [TS]

  John considering a move over to be [TS]

  President of Princeton you would want to [TS]

  interview you or that would be so easily [TS]

  with the concept of the club test you [TS]

  know the clapping is no see LEP it's a [TS]

  college level examination program and [TS]

  basically the idea is if you go in at [TS]

  certain kinds of schools not the kind of [TS]

  schools even I was going to but it's not [TS]

  as you can go in and take a test called [TS]

  the clap and say you know what I'm going [TS]

  to skip over all these distribution [TS]

  requirements because I can demonstrate [TS]

  its kind of like a smart person GED like [TS]

  you going to do you know what I really [TS]

  don't need to take composition you know [TS]

  101 easy take a clap and so you can go [TS]

  straight to skip straight over the stuff [TS]

  that all the civilians have to take and [TS]

  use call clapping out so I wonder I [TS]

  don't know this could be part of the [TS]

  supertrain program over something you [TS]

  might want to initiate one of your own a [TS]

  pilot programs internally but I think [TS]

  you should be able to click over certain [TS]

  jobs just clip out of having ever been [TS]

  in the army but still be still have [TS]

  people call me general [TS]

  mmm that sounds good general Roderick [TS]

  the problem with that though is what my [TS]

  freshman year in college they gave a [TS]

  writing test to the entire freshman [TS]

  class who to place us somewhere in the [TS]

  you know it was one of those writing [TS]

  tests are you ready four essays and they [TS]

  and you get a scorp one through five or [TS]

  something like that and that's how they [TS]

  know how how smart you are fucking [TS]

  finally go up and I was like this is [TS]

  gonna be great [TS]

  this is amazing I can't wait to take [TS]

  this test and i sat and i wrote a big [TS]

  disquisition you know I forget what the [TS]

  topic was some dumb thing that I sky [TS]

  ignored completely and i wrote a big [TS]

  disquisition on how [TS]

  uh you know how everybody needed to to [TS]

  just adopt the 15 planks of Roderick ism [TS]

  and and the world would be made a better [TS]

  place and I got a0 out of 5 on my [TS]

  writing exam and the the kid that I [TS]

  thought was the dumbest kid in our whole [TS]

  dorm the the kid that just that that [TS]

  that spoke as though he had been which I [TS]

  knew him to have been hit on the head [TS]

  1,000 times with a little cross rackets [TS]

  he got a five and i got a0 and I was [TS]

  like mhm mhm so that's how it works [TS]

  that's how you make a super found a [TS]

  shower that their family so you know I [TS]

  so my senses I would try and clip out of [TS]

  having ever been in the Army and go [TS]

  right to being director of CIA and and I [TS]

  would get a zero because somehow I [TS]

  wouldn't have liked filled up there's [TS]

  got to be something we're all these [TS]

  things that you you look at his deficits [TS]

  and let's be honest and the world and [TS]

  the body politic looks at his deficits [TS]

  but some of this stuff saying what you [TS]

  said so candidly about about the city in [TS]

  which you would theoretically govern yes [TS]

  I could see how that could cause [TS]

  problems but it's a shame that you can't [TS]

  get some kind of you know like like with [TS]

  clapping that you can't get some kind of [TS]

  special credit for what you've survived [TS]

  and what you put other people through [TS]

  because it seems to me you know Petraeus [TS]

  I mean I'm sure wasn't all just you know [TS]

  beer and skittles de probably had to do [TS]

  some shit some LBJ kind of shit right [TS]

  yeah I think you did I don't know I [TS]

  don't know I just say it's very [TS]

  troubling me John I don't you know what [TS]

  I think it is Merlin I know that without [TS]

  what we what we [TS]

  and you you're ahead of me on this you [TS]

  you you're aware of this in a way that [TS]

  I'm only now just it's just dawning on [TS]

  me but it might be that we have kept our [TS]

  way into having a podcast her we talk to [TS]

  each other back and forth [TS]

  oh and that that is the thing that 25 [TS]

  years from now people will be like oh [TS]

  man if I could just clip into a podcast [TS]

  oh you're saying we're uh we were [TS]

  generals of a kind were already there [TS]

  how the fuck does guys get a podcast [TS]

  right right [TS]

  we are effectively well how is he on the [TS]

  board of exxonmobil what did you know [TS]

  that [TS]

  kind of thing right Zach what we make it [TS]

  we make it look so easy to only did we [TS]

  really do show up you got a broken [TS]

  fucking 232 sandwich you talk about [TS]

  getting your ass kicked with an asset [TS]

  and has his handle [TS]

  get your ass kicked it I gotta pee so [TS]

  bad and a half later what the guy says I [TS]

  really have to pee and then the show's [TS]

  over [TS]

  already people once and I I feel the [TS]

  liter bottle and drink a couple minutes [TS]

  ago while we were sitting here talking [TS]

  you peed i muted it [TS]

  [Music] [TS]