Roderick on the Line

Ep. 54: "This Is Not YOUR Kennel"


  [Music] [TS]

  hello I John hi Merlin how are you I'm [TS]

  good [TS]

  yeah are you okay this is a little bit [TS]

  early don't boo me you sound you some [TS]

  faraway so far away you are far away [TS]

  you're in California [TS]

  yeah well you know I don't want to break [TS]

  the fourth wall as they say [TS]

  yeah what happened did you get a new [TS]

  microphone um I no no no [TS]

  same-same microphone i think my uh i [TS]

  think one thing my hearing I mean I'm [TS]

  getting into that like Pete Townsend Bob [TS]

  Mould thing where I yelled tinnitus [TS]

  No No thank God knock on what I don't [TS]

  but I've got I the range of what I can [TS]

  hear is does not include the human voice [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  OIC i think so many towns in my baby [TS]

  time to talk about that that's the thing [TS]

  is when you stand in front of a high [TS]

  watt for well many high watch for that [TS]

  many years it's it's ironic that the [TS]

  range as you know i'm not an audiologist [TS]

  but the range well thank you doing what [TS]

  at the range gets knocked out is very [TS]

  close to the range of human voice yeah I [TS]

  find even more specifically the range [TS]

  that gets knocked out for me is the [TS]

  range of the female human voice it's [TS]

  hard to hear women I wasn't going to say [TS]

  anything but especially when you're [TS]

  alone with them [TS]

  yeah right or they have some things I [TS]

  want to talk about me and the matter [TS]

  they get the harder it is to hear them [TS]

  yeah LOL they're like me can I have that [TS]

  I have a couple of things that I'd like [TS]

  to talk to you about [TS]

  it's like what huh and you have to get [TS]

  it [TS]

  I feel like I've asked you this you [TS]

  don't eat tinnitus you know after years [TS]

  and years of standing in front of not a [TS]

  high watt but uh but other very loud [TS]

  amps i went to a bachelor party a couple [TS]

  years ago did I tell you the story [TS]

  although this is that yeah that's right [TS]

  of course you do you shot the gun [TS]

  shotgun with your thing off a guy shot [TS]

  the gun and I had my headphones often [TS]

  and it was like a I've had I've had a [TS]

  ringing in my ear ever since I forgot [TS]

  this isn't that now again that's an iron [TS]

  inside the irony [TS]

  no not the kind of the kind of hearing [TS]

  loss you get from a gun how does that [TS]

  relate to women doesn't change anything [TS]

  about how you understand the whatever [TS]

  the better gender whatever they want [TS]

  yeah it's definitely definitely inhibits [TS]

  my ability to hear them complain about [TS]

  gun violence you know like that because [TS]

  i'm sitting around as I'm sitting around [TS]

  cleaning my own guns and they're like [TS]

  you should have got to the house you [TS]

  have a small child i'm like i don't know [TS]

  i can hear you mumbling had my dad had [TS]

  bad hearing because of all those years [TS]

  he claimed flying airplanes making the [TS]

  world safe for democracy statement is 45 [TS]

  seconds 45 and so he didn't have he had [TS]

  bad hearing he had he had your uh [TS]

  earphone what are those things called [TS]

  hearing aids but also even your memory [TS]

  goes a little bit after a gunshot to the [TS]

  latter deck he could hear my sister [TS]

  couldn't hear my mom he heard me fine [TS]

  but i have i have a voice like a French [TS]

  horn [TS]

  ok gotta put your fist in it haha that's [TS]

  one of the hardest hola [TS]

  that's one of the hardest system is to [TS]

  play you know that French horn you know [TS]

  it's that in my opinion the French horn [TS]

  is the secret weapon of pop music if you [TS]

  put a French horn on a song because yeah [TS]

  I think it was John Entwistle I memory [TS]

  serves one of the first probably John [TS]

  whistle toots whistle and you have to [TS]

  get guests George Martin had a lot to do [TS]

  with that you don't look at actually [TS]

  just bust out of french horn and play it [TS]

  you reading [TS]

  who booked right now or something i'm [TS]

  sorry you know Roger Daltrey was a short [TS]

  man he was [TS]

  I met Roger Daltrey but i think we [TS]

  finally reached the point where [TS]

  repeating its so you came back from [TS]

  Europe and you had trouble with the [TS]

  zipper on your bag and your father [TS]

  uh so you know what it's a joke that is [TS]

  funny i think i do I like I'm imagining [TS]

  like a graph of the various Hertz's [TS]

  or whatever and I do think it is the [TS]

  higher end of the human voice that i [TS]

  have the most trouble with i'm not [TS]

  saying that's just ladies it could be [TS]

  whiny people I sound like a broken [TS]

  clarinet i'm actually what I'm actually [TS]

  seen a graph of my hearing I went to an [TS]

  audiologist and they did a long hearing [TS]

  tests on me and in my right ear [TS]

  there is a there's a dramatic little [TS]

  spike the downward spike right about the [TS]

  right about at the aware of a female [TS]

  voices is pitch wise so you say there is [TS]

  no god but at the same time I also [TS]

  happen to have to deal with a little you [TS]

  know a little cadre of women in my own [TS]

  personal life who are mumblers album now [TS]

  or mumblers and not just mumblers but [TS]

  also like like like sentence Polar's you [TS]

  know they kind of that they like like [TS]

  kill the end of their sentences in order [TS]

  to draw you into their drug draw you [TS]

  into a pic appearing to be more [TS]

  interested in what I need human thing to [TS]

  do you at least two ways first of all [TS]

  you're having trouble hearing whatever [TS]

  they're saying to begin with [TS]

  thank you exactly been as a thinker as a [TS]

  thinker and somebody who demands [TS]

  satisfaction as well as completion route [TS]

  you're going to want to know what was [TS]

  that what was that I just I I almost [TS]

  heard something what was that I don't [TS]

  like mumbling and trailing you had [TS]

  trailing trailing is it's a it's am I I [TS]

  think of it as like a boardroom [TS]

  technique it's a it's like a the it's [TS]

  the it's the think the guy that speaks [TS]

  incredibly quietly in order to to [TS]

  dominate people [TS]

  oh yeah that they say that if you want [TS]

  to make people listen you should speak [TS]

  quietly oh it's the work I mean taken to [TS]

  a point i agree but but but taken to the [TS]

  extreme where you're like this everybody [TS]

  huh that's like that's like 10 you're [TS]

  killing me now that's like one of those [TS]

  like discount dale carnegie techniques [TS]

  you know like some douchebag hears that [TS]

  and I've met a lot of extremely [TS]

  uninteresting people who speak quietly [TS]

  because they think it makes them [TS]

  interesting now somebody who speaks [TS]

  speaks really why I'm learning i speak [TS]

  very loudly that it's i'm not saying [TS]

  that makes [TS]

  me interesting I but I've been wanting [TS]

  to single I you know a lot of people [TS]

  I've met who consider themselves [TS]

  futurists speak very quietly oh right [TS]

  because they are they don't know that [TS]

  there are presuming that other people [TS]

  are gonna go into the future develop [TS]

  some technology to come back into the [TS]

  past to be able to hear what they're so [TS]

  you know that it could be it could be [TS]

  time travelers very complicated issue I [TS]

  i thought well let's not talk about time [TS]

  travel is that such a lovely time travel [TS]

  no but ever since I saw a looper now I [TS]

  realized that when I me but he starts [TS]

  talking about time travel [TS]

  the answer is let's not talk about time [TS]

  probably heard about that that's that's [TS]

  that's a funny way to treat well i just [TS]

  read about 600 pages of a comic that was [TS]

  a long comic arc that was about time [TS]

  travel and my daughter and i have been [TS]

  reading a comic book that involves time [TS]

  travel and it always makes my head hurt [TS]

  paradoxes upon paradoxes yeah burdock [TS]

  and then of course the worst part is [TS]

  there's somebody who can explain it and [TS]

  I just don't want them to explain it i'm [TS]

  not that there never is because it's [TS]

  because he gets it's just the the [TS]

  infinite universes problem whereas [TS]

  lineup that's a big problem Marvel right [TS]

  now is just too many universes many [TS]

  universes there really are too many [TS]

  universes and marble and whatever got my [TS]

  bell here I'm touching it but I'm not [TS]

  doing it [TS]

  Marvel that's good that's pretty good [TS]

  yeah i'm a dilemma census tract laughs [TS]

  now that it's it's early because it's [TS]

  too early i had according to I have a [TS]

  little dingus on my phone that I used to [TS]

  tell me how well i slept according to my [TS]

  data system at its it's a long story [TS]

  short you put it on your bed and it and [TS]

  kind of observes how often you move [TS]

  while you slept [TS]

  which tracks to how deeply you're [TS]

  sleeping and it calculates based on how [TS]

  long you slept and how often you were [TS]

  deeply or not deeply asleep it tells you [TS]

  how high quality sleep was it would be a [TS]

  single number [TS]

  well yeah it's got like an index to give [TS]

  you a cloud score how was like is make [TS]

  like a cloud of 96 last night which is [TS]

  from usually the 60 so I really I killed [TS]

  it last night how high five [TS]

  thank you i went to bed early and my [TS]

  wife let me sleep in a little bit you [TS]

  know what happened i came back from our [TS]

  are our show and I i gotta stress bomb [TS]

  some oh I'm sorry where is it oh it's [TS]

  you know it's actually one of my least [TS]

  favorites it's the upper right upper [TS]

  right lip [TS]

  yeah and this morning I thought I might [TS]

  have one of my nose but then I realized [TS]

  that don't really exist I would I i [TS]

  don't agree i think that stress bumps on [TS]

  the nose her major wisher probably [TS]

  covered that enough that's where stress [TS]

  bumps want to be as on the you stay here [TS]

  is the human side of stress pumps i'm [TS]

  going to just talking about you know [TS]

  having getting kissed by uncle licky and [TS]

  bad girls but it really does when you [TS]

  it'sit's again this is the irony show it [TS]

  is very ironic that when you when you [TS]

  really don't get enough sleep and you're [TS]

  stressed out and you're pushing too hard [TS]

  it's if i do that for more than a couple [TS]

  days mainly the sleep part you know but [TS]

  also maybe the drinking the standout but [TS]

  really it's the sleep if I do that for [TS]

  more than a couple days there's a pretty [TS]

  good chance i'm going to get the stress [TS]

  pump [TS]

  yeah especially when i travel because I [TS]

  think may mean system is you know [TS]

  exposed has it ever occurred to you to [TS]

  grow a beard [TS]

  yes why don't you do it well that's like [TS]

  it having it occurred maybe nine feet [TS]

  tall like I'm just not sure it's not a [TS]

  warehouse uh you know my theory on [TS]

  beards that God gives men the beards [TS]

  that those men deserve [TS]

  oh brother does that ever make sense oh [TS]

  no we made it but it does yeah you wear [TS]

  the beard that you you where the beer [TS]

  that you have not the beer that you want [TS]

  L star runs felt yeah that's that's a [TS]

  really good point and so those guys i [TS]

  can remember the guys in college you [TS]

  really wanted to grow a beard and let's [TS]

  be honest the reason a lot of guys grow [TS]

  a goatee is the only place that the [TS]

  hairs will go [TS]

  that's kind of cheating it if you know [TS]

  what I mean it's like if you really try [TS]

  to grow an actual beard you know what [TS]

  I'm remembering is for this is true for [TS]

  me but it's really true for the guys who [TS]

  stuck with it and we're willing to look [TS]

  stupid for a year [TS]

  yes if you wait long enough you can [TS]

  almost get a beard [TS]

  I think it's true for ladies to if you [TS]

  wait long enough you'll eventually get a [TS]

  beard well in when i was in college my [TS]

  problem is that I had I had one of those [TS]

  spin doctors layne staley beards so she [TS]

  has to say about the Hat [TS]

  the same stick planes daily was the [TS]

  singer of sum of that band them doctors [TS]

  row lens daily was the Seattle grunge [TS]

  truck is alice in chains [TS]

  Thank You Allison change hey that's the [TS]

  job good job and and the spin doctors [TS]

  were that other guy and we both had was [TS]

  just worried that you might know the [TS]

  name of the singer from the spin doctors [TS]

  not a big deal but they both had that [TS]

  that beard which was they had a lot of [TS]

  hair on their on their on the underside [TS]

  of their chin you know like they had a [TS]

  big had a big face peered who but really [TS]

  no mustache they couldn't grow a [TS]

  mustache and this was my problem in [TS]

  college I would I i want a year without [TS]

  shaving and I had an enormous beard but [TS]

  my mustache was like the wispy down on a [TS]

  child's bottom and it was infuriating to [TS]

  me because I wanted you know I wanted to [TS]

  absorb the Greek beard right and I had [TS]

  this this spirit that I just I would set [TS]

  i would sit and stare in the mirror and [TS]

  I would I would ask myself like what if [TS]

  you put mascara in your mustache you [TS]

  think people would notice if you if you [TS]

  bought one of those boxes at the [TS]

  drugstore of dark hair coloring and put [TS]

  it in your in your mustache but if it is [TS]

  not right either right it's yeah that [TS]

  everything about it was wrong it was [TS]

  there was no I could have handed it i [TS]

  could have drawn it on I could have [TS]

  drawn a mustache and with with Penn [TS]

  nothing was going to look right and I [TS]

  and it-it-it taunted me my own beer to [TS]

  talk to me until i was at least 30 years [TS]

  old when I finally felt like okay you [TS]

  know my mustache is finally caught up to [TS]

  the rest of the to the rest of what's [TS]

  going on but I realized in looking back [TS]

  but that is a kind of beard that is what [TS]

  i like to call the young warrior beard [TS]

  hmm which is to say that in all those [TS]

  old sort of Greek like bar relief [TS]

  carvings [TS]

  of warriors like a Phoenician yeah sort [TS]

  of against Sparta right or a Phoenician [TS]

  you know the young warriors all have a [TS]

  lot of lot of neck beard for lack of a [TS]

  better term and not a ton of moustache [TS]

  with the moustache is how you that's [TS]

  because the day because the soldiers are [TS]

  young they are young precisely and the [TS]

  first part of your beard that grows [TS]

  around your job but in any case the the [TS]

  my conclusion was that because as i talk [TS]

  to people I go around the world as you [TS]

  know and people come up to me and they [TS]

  want to talk about beards because i have [TS]

  one and and beards are especially it's [TS]

  kind of like having a harley or a or a [TS]

  great dane yeah exactly like you [TS]

  shouldn't you shouldn't have unless you [TS]

  want to talk about it yeah I already [TS]

  tilted kilt a great date of people who [TS]

  have utility kilts happened event [TS]

  diagram is very heavily if you have is [TS]

  people with utility kilts and people who [TS]

  like to talk about utility belts and the [TS]

  Venn diagram is that one perfect circle [TS]

  yeah yeah I've never been talking about [TS]

  utility kilt it doesn't wear one of the [TS]

  six that isn't excited to tell you all [TS]

  about it but but also excited to tell [TS]

  you about it with a certain amount of [TS]

  smugness you think so i can overthrown [TS]

  and get a brownie vibe from a lot of [TS]

  anyone tell me about the benefits the [TS]

  SNP's well the benefits but there's a [TS]

  little bit of it there's a hottie aspect [TS]

  to someone with the utilikilt works like [TS]

  either [TS]

  I you know like either you know what [TS]

  this is and you're and you're asking me [TS]

  about it because you're teasing me [TS]

  oh right or you don't know what this is [TS]

  in which case we clearly not a member of [TS]

  the tell it was like having a tattoo on [TS]

  your arm in rings mm where you go oh yes [TS]

  i see you recognize that these are ruins [TS]

  but you probably don't know what it says [TS]

  right it says oh so where's the but but [TS]

  but I've realized that that almost every [TS]

  guy when you really give him a given a [TS]

  safe place to talk [TS]

  he's going to express a list of [TS]

  reservations about his own beard haha [TS]

  haha attaching over here and he may not [TS]

  have ever mentally made that list but [TS]

  when pressed like you wasn't rest it's [TS]

  just like you give them a safe place [TS]

  you're like oh you're trying to grow a [TS]

  beard [TS]

  oh I like you're being so it's like at [TS]

  the telling this the Scoutmaster story [TS]

  you go somewhere it's okay to have that [TS]

  conversation here yeah and they're like [TS]

  it comes out i started pouring and here [TS]

  where the mustache doesn't connect to [TS]

  the pro12 is mine that's right touch [TS]

  that's mine [TS]

  there's a hatch over here that doesn't [TS]

  fill in or this or that and everybody [TS]

  has these these really small things [TS]

  about their beard that to them they have [TS]

  amplified to be these like these [TS]

  disgusting Ludacris holes in their beard [TS]

  that that that basically preclude them [TS]

  being able to wear one it's kind of like [TS]

  a hirsute anorexia [TS]

  yeah it is a body dysmorphia dysmorphia [TS]

  I used that word yesterday to talk about [TS]

  George Lucas that's a great word of hair [TS]

  George Lucas has this sense that he has [TS]

  a slim neck all this Congress slim he's [TS]

  like experience like that like he has a [TS]

  bad beard to pay because he thinks I [TS]

  think he honestly thinks that helps his [TS]

  dewlap [TS]

  let's see it's the andrew dice clay [TS]

  problem where andrew dice clay just kept [TS]

  making his sideburns sharper and sharper [TS]

  to accentuate a jawline that was that [TS]

  was coated in a in a developing parka of [TS]

  fat but Georgie what happens I always [TS]

  assume the pointy side burns were some [TS]

  kind of like I want to come back to this [TS]

  whole idea is I think there might be [TS]

  something nearly phrenology like about [TS]

  what we learned from somebody's beer [TS]

  that they can or can't grow but I like [TS]

  date rape cause point es sideburns [TS]

  oh no I think pointy sideburns are [TS]

  certainly in anybody that's over like 35 [TS]

  is just like the just like the George [TS]

  Lucas thing he is trying to architect [TS]

  some shape out like a horse perspective [TS]

  right it's like oh no this is where my [TS]

  face ends and my neck begins with a [TS]

  beard think that's people get this soul [TS]

  backward and and I I remember like for [TS]

  example like a lot of times in in high [TS]

  school like when girls are learning how [TS]

  to use makeup they use it like backward [TS]

  it's where they go there they think it's [TS]

  all about building up rather than [TS]

  contrasting and so when I want to wear [TS]

  in high school is really populace [TS]

  there's blue eye makeup it's called Cole [TS]

  like koh l and legos will always brings [TS]

  out my blue-eyes it's like will know [TS]

  what looks you makes you look like a day [TS]

  after hooker like it just makes it just [TS]

  makes you look super weird you're not [TS]

  contrasting that right [TS]

  it's like people you know what I mean [TS]

  like people like George Lucas I think he [TS]

  doesn't realize what he's really doing [TS]

  is saying hey look I gotta do lap down [TS]

  here it's not now in some men sometimes [TS]

  pointing at it rather than then he's [TS]

  creating they were here sign for his [TS]

  dewlap [TS]

  yeah I feel like if George Lucas just [TS]

  let his beard grow down over his [TS]

  bullfrog neck has no chin that's the [TS]

  other problem is he has no chin right [TS]

  but that is that is one of this like the [TS]

  top four reasons guys grow a beard to [TS]

  look like to have a chin [TS]

  yeah did you ever see a picture Jerry [TS]

  Garcia without his beard now know is [TS]

  it's freezing let's think about falling [TS]

  off that foot goes face goes from his [TS]

  nose to his Adam's apple there's nothing [TS]

  in between it's just like that goddamn [TS]

  shame but well it isn't because he [TS]

  discovered that if you grow a big beard [TS]

  you look like Jerry Garcia one of the [TS]

  most iconic rock faces of all time [TS]

  if you say so so there I've known a lot [TS]

  of guys that had no children grow a [TS]

  beard and they were handsome God States [TS]

  oh yes you're absolutely right you're at [TS]

  you know what you're absolutely right i [TS]

  I have a good friend that like Sachin [TS]

  and has a very strategic retreating [TS]

  hairline many he does he does well with [TS]

  both you know he's not he's not doing [TS]

  that truly farcical kind of come forward [TS]

  like it's pretty believable [TS]

  oh he's got a little hairdo you're [TS]

  saying monuments george clooney made the [TS]

  Caesar thing you don't like okay well [TS]

  thank God like we said is on five shows [TS]

  but start guide you can shave your head [TS]

  today [TS]

  yeah i think that is that is the [TS]

  greatest diet is like the gay rights of [TS]

  hair it is so great that's ok now to say [TS]

  you don't want to shave my head may be [TS]

  involved maybe I'm not probably fall but [TS]

  I'm i look really cool now let's honor [TS]

  today not not in person but I saw it on [TS]

  the Internet where he he was bald and he [TS]

  shaved his head and then had stubble [TS]

  tattooed on his head in the in the shape [TS]

  of where we're a full head of hair would [TS]

  be growing and he'll hear it really haha [TS]

  had a lot like John's is pulling it off [TS]

  I'm gonna be looked at it looked pretty [TS]

  tough huh [TS]

  he did but so you're saying your friend [TS]

  with the comb forward [TS]

  yeah as creative as a what what you [TS]

  could unkindly call a weak chin but he [TS]

  looks great you don't think is a hideous [TS]

  freak or anything like that but you know [TS]

  you're onto something extremely [TS]

  interesting here and and we talked about [TS]

  phonology before there's some other [TS]

  things we talked about where she was the [TS]

  other one but we can tell a lot about a [TS]

  person by by by other things they say [TS]

  and do I don't go nuts but but I you [TS]

  know I was it was was it that was your [TS]

  teeth [TS]

  I forget what it was but is one of you [TS]

  you are getting very close your job your [TS]

  job you're like lack of security [TS]

  huh understanding saving for the future [TS]

  but my feeling about a beard is that one [TS]

  of the things that as a student of [TS]

  beards for many years if you if you open [TS]

  up a fashion magazine men's fashion [TS]

  magazine all the models now have beards [TS]

  and a lot of those beards are very [TS]

  patchy like that's kind of a look if not [TS]

  the law in the kind of like young guy pv [TS]

  patchy [TS]

  yeah young guide pew be patchy model [TS]

  beard is a calling all the pdx isn't [TS]

  that kind of important thing before you [TS]

  get the giant beard you know because [TS]

  you're late for 25 and you're playing [TS]

  acoustic guitar being earnest you got [TS]

  have a beard right thing a cheap you [TS]

  beard so you've got that you've got the [TS]

  the sideburns the mustache the chin the [TS]

  soul patch and the cheeks and none of [TS]

  them actually really connect to each [TS]

  other physical acapella cos and this is [TS]

  this is this is in some ways an [TS]

  incredibly fashionable way to wear your [TS]

  beard and also it is a like like blue [TS]

  eyeshadow which blue eyeshadow is meant [TS]

  to mimic the closeness of the blood [TS]

  vessels to the skin that a young girl [TS]

  has true right that's so young people [TS]

  you know their skin is still translucent [TS]

  and you see the you see the blue of [TS]

  their oxygen deprived blood [TS]

  right under their skin and that conveys [TS]

  to us unconsciously youth and vitality [TS]

  did not know that [TS]

  so a little blue eyeshadow is what old [TS]

  older people use to mimic this like this [TS]

  this youthfulness and the same is true [TS]

  with the patchy beard so my contention [TS]

  is that older gentleman or rather i'm [TS]

  not calling you old but rather to say [TS]

  men who have attained their their agency [TS]

  if you are lucky enough to have a youth [TS]

  full patchy beard I would wear it with [TS]

  pride food because those of us who have [TS]

  a beard that goes basically from [TS]

  underneath our eyes to somewhere in a [TS]

  chili which is where my beard ends chili [TS]

  we don't have the option I would have to [TS]

  mhm i would have to go in with two pairs [TS]

  of of scissors and some toenail clippers [TS]

  and a you know in a bottle of bleach to [TS]

  make my beard look patching I see what I [TS]

  i think i understand it looks like a [TS]

  beaver pelts my bird [TS]

  ladies I am I love these gentle bells [TS]

  about you're just reaching out you could [TS]

  you just touching you just like let's [TS]

  like I was appreciating our better show [TS]

  how good your microphone skills are and [TS]

  I think that's important you watch that [TS]

  feist when that face sings that lady's [TS]

  got Mike skills she don't see your house [TS]

  or quiet just a couple of different mics [TS]

  too and she's amazing but I mean I wanna [TS]

  get that way with the bell I don't care [TS]

  if I can't say that matter i just like [TS]

  the idea this Bell being something where [TS]

  I have a little bit of subtlety [TS]

  I like that yeah well and we we [TS]

  perfected at our show the other day the [TS]

  pic clam bell the ponk i like the idea [TS]

  of honest I don't know why this is so [TS]

  interesting to me but you know in our [TS]

  post age of reason age you know we would [TS]

  never look at something like phonology [TS]

  and go like this technology is still [TS]

  around until the late or early 20th [TS]

  century but the idea that there's these [TS]

  things about you know what it was we're [TS]

  talking about stress bumps we're talking [TS]

  about like this says something about you [TS]

  like morally in this online medieval [TS]

  sense [TS]

  and because you know there's no place [TS]

  you can go where a stress bump is going [TS]

  to be accepted know if you go down to [TS]

  the local firehouse [TS]

  yeah wine tastings they're gonna shun [TS]

  you kissing girls even if you even if [TS]

  you go under the embarcadero people are [TS]

  like burning trash in a garbage pail [TS]

  you're like hello my friend they will [TS]

  share they will share their hooch like [TS]

  yeah but you know the idea that it's [TS]

  funny because i have a face I have a [TS]

  when I shave and get a haircut i have a [TS]

  have a pretty classic like guy face i [TS]

  got a big got a big chin i gotta-i gotta [TS]

  ja I do have beady eyes which I'm [TS]

  himself god this is the thing about [TS]

  thank you know you have a handsome miss [TS]

  well I don't know about that but it's [TS]

  funny how like you know there's all [TS]

  kinds of this happened for years and [TS]

  years and years to show people pictures [TS]

  of people like say do you trust them [TS]

  you know would you trust this person and [TS]

  so forth and and I like the idea that [TS]

  the beard you deserve because the beauty [TS]

  deserve you think about is going on the [TS]

  face you got which is in some sense the [TS]

  face that you deserve [TS]

  that's right exactly right so you submit [TS]

  the cigarettes and you start getting a [TS]

  little wrinkly right you I don't get a [TS]

  terminally to choke you and you get [TS]

  particular hemorrhaging in your eyes you [TS]

  know everything that you've time is [TS]

  going to have some kind of an impact on [TS]

  how your face looks well and I think [TS]

  this is that this goes to the dysmorphia [TS]

  of of that we all have I think from we [TS]

  spend a lot more time looking at other [TS]

  people's faces when we do our own with [TS]

  and so we developed this kind of picture [TS]

  of ourselves [TS]

  I EU and I know a guy I've mentioned [TS]

  this before who is a who is a man with [TS]

  the with very distinctive looks but who [TS]

  I've always contended in his mind's eye [TS]

  pictures himself looking like a young [TS]

  Johnny Depp who and so or Morrissey [TS]

  because these were these were faces that [TS]

  he he fixated on and then what would [TS]

  that caused in him was every time he [TS]

  caught a glimpse of himself in that it [TS]

  in the reflection of a style right he [TS]

  would be newly horrified horrified for [TS]

  the first time [TS]

  a each time like that brutal brutal [TS]

  cognitive dissonance [TS]

  yeah that he realizes he's walking down [TS]

  the street is like I am looking like [TS]

  Johnny Depp and then he looks at him [TS]

  somebody goes ah and end it and it was a [TS]

  reinforced it was a constant like [TS]

  reinforcing trauma that get it gave him [TS]

  this kind of the skit the schism in his [TS]

  mind about what what he looked like he [TS]

  he thought he was more hideous than he [TS]

  was another one and then another the [TS]

  solution to that are are easy or or [TS]

  happy because it what do you do I mean [TS]

  there's the John Rocker approach of [TS]

  one's gonna keep staring this goddamn [TS]

  earring so I don't care what I look like [TS]

  I'm guessing over you could say maybe I [TS]

  mean on the other end you could be a [TS]

  little sophisticated simple maybe I have [TS]

  to just accept that I don't look like [TS]

  Johnny Depp or you could just quit [TS]

  catching yourself in years [TS]

  mm well but the problem is we all want [TS]

  to i think we all want to imagine that [TS]

  we are good looking enough you know 444 [TS]

  whatever our circumstances are and [TS]

  through it's the rare person it's it's [TS]

  the right person that doesn't think they [TS]

  are almost good-looking enough you know [TS]

  what I mean like yeah it's very rare [TS]

  that people think like I am truly [TS]

  hideous from top to bottom but but where [TS]

  were we always find ourselves wanting [TS]

  just that that extra little push over [TS]

  the over the hump where we would be good [TS]

  looking enough that you know to pass and [TS]

  the reality is we're all good minutes [TS]

  this is the this is the classic thing [TS]

  that you hear from people all the time [TS]

  when they get to be in their thirties [TS]

  and forties and they they look back at [TS]

  their youth and they say I thought I was [TS]

  so disgusting when I was 18 and now I [TS]

  look at every 18 year old and they're [TS]

  all beautiful [TS]

  yeah like it's just being 18 is just use [TS]

  your intrinsically you gotta really get [TS]

  to about that a few weeks ago that that [TS]

  I liked a lot and others about how you [TS]

  look or weight or something like that [TS]

  that it is absolutely true that's why [TS]

  it's one reason teenagers are so [TS]

  insufferable you know it's like you know [TS]

  the age you know youth being wasted on [TS]

  the young kind of thing but but you're [TS]

  absolutely right because and we're [TS]

  obsessing over a different thing at that [TS]

  point right [TS]

  our always seeing is our our seeing is [TS]

  our deficits which are in restaurants [TS]

  respect [TS]

  should be fairly minor when you don't [TS]

  see that you have things like energy [TS]

  right and you haven't been broken yet [TS]

  right well and I think I feel like the [TS]

  same is true of being 40 years old I [TS]

  mean at 40 years old [TS]

  you can as you say study the study the [TS]

  way a person has lived by seeing their [TS]

  cigarette lines and there and the beat [TS]

  of the way that they're evil has [TS]

  manifested itself on their face and [TS]

  their gnarled knuckles and in my hand my [TS]

  case the fact that they're chewy wallet [TS]

  all the all the teeth that they got [TS]

  knocked out when you were a young person [TS]

  fighting in bars started all that starts [TS]

  to come home to roost but in fact being [TS]

  being 40 [TS]

  I mean that is the dare i say that the [TS]

  prime of life who and when you look when [TS]

  you look at a picture when you when you [TS]

  when you read an obituary of somebody or [TS]

  you're reading their autobiography the [TS]

  picture of them at 40 years old is the [TS]

  picture of them [TS]

  yeah you know like there's there there [TS]

  are the pictures of them when they're [TS]

  young and the pictures of them when they [TS]

  were old but the picture of them that [TS]

  rep you know how they are who they were [TS]

  it was always you know when they were 40 [TS]

  or 50 i think you're right i was i was [TS]

  reading I my knowledge of Leonard Cohen [TS]

  is really spotty so i was learning a [TS]

  little bit about letter con last night [TS]

  and I was looking the pictures of him [TS]

  when he was younger really weird-looking [TS]

  yeah he seems so different from the [TS]

  pictures of like what i said and now [TS]

  it's old now like he's an old guy now [TS]

  but you're right the pictures of him [TS]

  like in the like the mid to late [TS]

  seventies or whatever or like like [TS]

  that's what he looks like [TS]

  yeah that's him Paul Simon you know [TS]

  actually cause I was always liked where [TS]

  there's never been a time Paul is [TS]

  possibly did look a little weird [TS]

  also I'm is a little strange isn't it [TS]

  yeah he's a he's yeah i mean i kind of [TS]

  most admire the bridge over troubled [TS]

  water let's just let this hair go crazy [TS]

  part but it always weird when somebody's [TS]

  enough to make it all about baldness [TS]

  always wear to me with somebody called [TS]

  for a while then they stopped be [TS]

  involved [TS]

  hmm you know what I mean there's that [TS]

  time we're like okay I'm a guy is going [TS]

  bald might try a couple tricks and then [TS]

  suddenly like you got hair but let's [TS]

  pictures of Paul Simon like on Saturday [TS]

  Night Live we had [TS]

  like no hair no hair and suddenly he's [TS]

  got here he's doing he's doing a pretty [TS]

  pretty profound comb-over come forward [TS]

  and a lot of those I think you look at [TS]

  you look at elton john i was thinking [TS]

  about this the other day I saw a picture [TS]

  of Elton John in them in a magazine and [TS]

  Elton John's John is an age now where [TS]

  his face is really starting to go and [TS]

  and i was looking at this picture of him [TS]

  and I was like oh he is starting to look [TS]

  like Queen Elizabeth you know there's a [TS]

  certain kind of certain sort of man that [TS]

  as he gets older he just starts to look [TS]

  like a matron you know we started like [TS]

  the Queen Mother even x except that he [TS]

  has this he has this hair its little [TS]

  furry friend up there it has this hair [TS]

  that's like the sort of the wispy like [TS]

  red hair that uh that I you know on a [TS]

  young Irish lad would have and so I'm [TS]

  looking at this picture and I'm erasing [TS]

  the hair in my mind and realizing what [TS]

  Elton John actually looks like it's like [TS]

  Judi Dench he he he he does look like [TS]

  Judi Dench he looks like a ball judi [TS]

  dench anyway he's a beauty a remarkably [TS]

  different looking person if he had just [TS]

  let himself go polled and I think maybe [TS]

  less of a pop star you know he is we [TS]

  have all accepted his hair for the most [TS]

  part and it it is it's camouflaging a [TS]

  multitude of sense you know that you [TS]

  know the poker player daniel negreanu I [TS]

  think I think I think you mentioned him [TS]

  yeah he's a Canadian poker player I up [TS]

  for a long time I want one before I [TS]

  eliminated cable TV from my life I used [TS]

  to watch hours and hours of televised [TS]

  poker [TS]

  I don't know why I honestly don't know [TS]

  why but i would watch it for hours and [TS]

  of all but most poker players i have to [TS]

  say when you watch them on TV for very [TS]

  long [TS]

  you realize like these are terrible [TS]

  people these are people these are people [TS]

  who would be if they were not [TS]

  millionaires from this game they would [TS]

  be sleeping on a on a twin size mattress [TS]

  with no sheets and they would be just [TS]

  just pulling a blanket of dander over [TS]

  there [TS]

  the winter chill off but now they're [TS]

  millionaires and there they haven't done [TS]

  anything different insurance i'm sure [TS]

  that that a lot of these poker guys they [TS]

  have they have one or two changes of [TS]

  underwear like they're just [TS]

  reprehensible but daniel negreanu is [TS]

  this guy from Canada who is kind of it [TS]

  he is e he wears his hair he's balding [TS]

  guy but he wears his hair pushed forward [TS]

  like a in this Greek it [TS]

  greek-style out here and uh over the [TS]

  years as he's as he's gotten more famous [TS]

  and has made more money [TS]

  I've watched him go from originally [TS]

  he would just comb his hair straight [TS]

  forward and then cut it off at his [TS]

  eyebrows but he's he has developed a [TS]

  style because he's obviously paying [TS]

  people to to style his hair now anyway [TS]

  he's my favorite this is this looks very [TS]

  this is one of those things that like a [TS]

  look at beautiful pastry that was [TS]

  probably very complicated given what the [TS]

  results look like this looks like a lot [TS]

  of work with because he eats if I'm [TS]

  looking at what you're talking about [TS]

  he's obviously a bald man who's doing [TS]

  things with his hair [TS]

  let's start there and he's got its kind [TS]

  of wispy but it's kind of like a fun [TS]

  youthful tousled look exactly fun and [TS]

  youthful skype later my wife calls this [TS]

  the hips to come forward [TS]

  yep we have a mutual friend has one of [TS]

  these and that it's a look [TS]

  it's a look yeah and I get the fact i [TS]

  get the sense also that he spends a lot [TS]

  of time in Montreal even saying so [TS]

  you're going to get a lot of it [TS]

  your hair is going to Montreal is a [TS]

  place like let's just start with France [TS]

  who there are a lot of things you can do [TS]

  in France that you can't do anywhere [TS]

  else in the world doesn't age as well [TS]

  yeah and be a guy be a 40-year old guy [TS]

  who dresses like a a a like a what am I [TS]

  trying to say like a butt plug [TS]

  I if you take that if you take that and [TS]

  you translate it to Canada and you put [TS]

  it through the Canadian filter where [TS]

  everybody in Canada looks like they are [TS]

  an extra from an early episode 21 Jump [TS]

  Street [TS]

  Montreal is the place I think in north [TS]

  america with all night really was more [TS]

  French than France like hyper french art [TS]

  thing they they're so but well they're [TS]

  like AI think they're just of their [TS]

  permit angry and they're mad they're mad [TS]

  at everybody including themselves [TS]

  yeah that montreal that Montreal is mad [TS]

  there are places in in Quebec and even [TS]

  Northern Ontario where they speak french [TS]

  were there much matter then in Montreal [TS]

  they're mad at montreal for not being [TS]

  true enough wow it in the end of in the [TS]

  francophone world i think there is a [TS]

  sense of as you move away from Paris [TS]

  people set people get madder and madder [TS]

  about how about how untrue you are and [TS]

  and quebec city is mad at montreal [TS]

  quebec city feels like Montreal abandon [TS]

  them but there are places in Northern [TS]

  Ontario which is not so they're outside [TS]

  of Quebec but they are french-speaking [TS]

  towns and they're just so mad [TS]

  they're mad at their mad and everybody [TS]

  because they hum what the night was [TS]

  we're looking for Dave watered-down the [TS]

  language and culture by allowing [TS]

  anything and it's not super French no I [TS]

  think it's more that they feel that they [TS]

  were they were a bit in canada the [TS]

  French feel that they were abandoned by [TS]

  France to the uncertain fate of first [TS]

  England and then canada and so you know [TS]

  the the motto of Quebec is Jim suvi ends [TS]

  I I will not forget my room I i will [TS]

  remember i guess that i think it [TS]

  translates roughly as how I'll remember [TS]

  yeah right and-and-and-and really really [TS]

  I feel like it translates as we will [TS]

  never forget how you fucked us [TS]

  and it just moves you know they're there [TS]

  madd canada because they don't feel part [TS]

  of Canada there Superman America because [TS]

  we are just the worst but they're also [TS]

  mad at France because France abandon [TS]

  them and their man at the they're mad at [TS]

  the people down the block who have [TS]

  english signs out in front of theirs to [TS]

  let alone the entire world that size [TS]

  them all this problem please the world [TS]

  the so sacre bleu [TS]

  so anyway the but-but-but-but part of [TS]

  that I think the two places in North [TS]

  America where you're going to find the [TS]

  worst men's fashion or not worst but but [TS]

  opportunities for men to dress in ways [TS]

  like for instance with hyper distressed [TS]

  jeans better than also be dazzled you're [TS]

  going to find that in Mexico City and [TS]

  yes just related that the canada is the [TS]

  is like the pilot for 21 Jump Street [TS]

  yeah basically yeah where the where the [TS]

  fashions are our what a Hollywood set [TS]

  designer in the eighties imagined [TS]

  gangbangers war you know like people are [TS]

  like oh yeah this is edgy and cool and [TS]

  groovy and hip like a lot of gangbangers [TS]

  are going to be wearing Mohawks right am [TS]

  i right that's what gang bangers do they [TS]

  wear Mohawks right okay i can the [TS]

  Terminator kind of but a lot of these [TS]

  are but a lot of these actors you know [TS]

  they have another gig later on in the [TS]

  day so we can't give a mohawk so we're [TS]

  going to give my fauxhawk with gel so [TS]

  they can comb it out and go do the do [TS]

  one life to live before the neighboring [TS]

  soundstage so it's all this kind of like [TS]

  punky edgy but the book but but mostly [TS]

  crafted with gel and bleach it's very [TS]

  funny [TS]

  I don't I don't I don't just like it I [TS]

  don't despise that I think it's I think [TS]

  that it's there it's like hard to the [TS]

  Caribbean the keynote day on the ground [TS]

  you is his Canadian yes and I'm trying [TS]

  to I'm doing everything I can to learn [TS]

  everything I can about him just from the [TS]

  google image search [TS]

  he doesn't have he doesn't have much of [TS]

  a chance honestly now he was he wears [TS]

  headphones and it looks like he's [TS]

  getting a massage maybe while he's [TS]

  playing [TS]

  he's wearing the same baseball hats [TS]

  advertising something did these guys [TS]

  were these guys like Nascar looks like [TS]

  they were a lot of things with little [TS]

  ads and logos on yeah they figured out [TS]

  pretty pretty fast that they were on TV [TS]

  and they could make extra cash by [TS]

  putting on their hat what [TS]

  is spoken by should just go to the [TS]

  internet and find out people people play [TS]

  poker on the internet for for real money [TS]

  um I had a friend i have a friend who [TS]

  decided that he was that this was his [TS]

  job he was gonna be a poker internet [TS]

  poker player and he'd be playing 25 [TS]

  hands at a time and it becomes a traders [TS]

  like this guy's you just suddenly decide [TS]

  they're kinda seems like easy money [TS]

  yeah and and and ultimately i think when [TS]

  you're playing twenty hands of poker at [TS]

  a time [TS]

  you're not invested in anyone of a man [TS]

  becomes kind of like playing solitaire [TS]

  you're just you're just a you taught [TS]

  yourself kind of the odds of all the [TS]

  different hands and you're just playing [TS]

  the odds and over the course of a whole [TS]

  day of doing that you're up you're up by [TS]

  fifteen percent or something and that's [TS]

  it consists of how did you did he add he [TS]

  makes them go off it [TS]

  I don't think he's still doing it [TS]

  frankly because I think a lot of those a [TS]

  lot of them are like 25 cent games I [TS]

  don't think gambling would still be [TS]

  around if it was that easy to win [TS]

  hmm interesting theory well blackjack is [TS]

  the only game poker poker is an outlier [TS]

  because it has a human factor unlike any [TS]

  other game but i guess i'll be back [TS]

  around I don't know but I mean blackjack [TS]

  is the only game where you have even a [TS]

  as i understand it have even the [TS]

  slightest chance of winning against the [TS]

  house my senses Bacharach is the is the [TS]

  one where the odds are best in your [TS]

  favor is that right yeah because there's [TS]

  because there's a i have stood around [TS]

  many baccarat tables and and you know [TS]

  elbow the person next to me and gone [TS]

  what what what is that what what the [TS]

  hell is happening and athletes baffling [TS]

  to me and they go well see this line [TS]

  over here you can bet against the [TS]

  earlier bet and that line over there you [TS]

  push the push the [TS]

  push the BET to the next bed and then [TS]

  that's how you beat the odds because [TS]

  ultimately no then then you have 51 [TS]

  percent chance of earning something I've [TS]

  had it explained to me a dozen times [TS]

  I've stood next to a baccarat dealer and [TS]

  asked her as she's you know as she's [TS]

  doing it and she's rolling the dice [TS]

  whatever tell me what you're doing [TS]

  explain what's happening and she's like [TS]

  here's how it goes it's really simple [TS]

  fifth and then she explains some you [TS]

  know 15 paragraphs of up of like a space [TS]

  math and i'm not going I don't know what [TS]

  that was i'm not going to throw my money [TS]

  down on a table where I don't understand [TS]

  that's how that's probably a pretty good [TS]

  ruling gambling if you if you don't [TS]

  understand how money is made and lost [TS]

  you're better off not to bet here's me [TS]

  at a casino I walk into and this is why [TS]

  I hate Las Vegas yeah I walk into a [TS]

  casino thing doing meaning all kyon ki [TS]

  see it's all happening already [TS]

  I'm like uh-huh okay i don't want to sit [TS]

  over there those people don't look [TS]

  interesting that guy's disgusting the [TS]

  village and I end up over at the at the [TS]

  the slot machines the one-armed bandits [TS]

  and I go well I'm here I might as well [TS]

  you know and I put five dollars in and [TS]

  it goes boom me up and it gives me [TS]

  someone number of credits and I pull the [TS]

  arm until those are gone and i'm like [TS]

  done that's it [TS]

  I I spent five dollars and I feel even [TS]

  that I didn't get my money's worth and [TS]

  then I just sit and watch people smoke [TS]

  you know and in fact i have i have a [TS]

  pretty good time in casinos because I [TS]

  have a pretty good time until i see that [TS]

  little old lady with the oxygen tank and [TS]

  the and the right popcorn bucket full of [TS]

  quarters plugging them into one of those [TS]

  things and I'm and then and my heart [TS]

  sinks down into my stomach and I'm like [TS]

  not have to go now I did a gig in reno a [TS]

  couple years ago and then I got there is [TS]

  it you know RINO's even Reno [TS]

  yeah you don't think it's not just one [TS]

  big assistant [TS]

  yeah well I got there early and I check [TS]

  button you finally get actually I'm [TS]

  sorry to get back had to wait to check [TS]

  into my room because i'm fucking [TS]

  military event was there and motorcycle [TS]

  races and all those assholes now well [TS]

  like it yeah they hadn't planned well [TS]

  for it so there's a lot of movie people [TS]

  in line waiting for the roses circus [TS]

  circus [TS]

  no no this was a tennis anus i think was [TS]

  the name of us [TS]

  oh yeah it'sit's off-strip the odds are [TS]

  a little better there who doesn't get in [TS]

  the hole and and so I was I had some [TS]

  time to kill someone all I can go over [TS]

  here and go to this bar area i'll play a [TS]

  little bit of blackjack and I can I can [TS]

  smoke here so i'll go and I will smoke [TS]

  while I'm waiting for my room and I'll [TS]

  have a drink [TS]

  this will be fun you know I said okay [TS]

  this is good you had it in you travel [TS]

  and you know easy when you kind of [TS]

  arrived much you through all the main [TS]

  part of travel it's kind of nice to just [TS]

  relax and be where you are and I was [TS]

  like okay this is great i'm gonna get [TS]

  into this i'm not gonna be me [TS]

  I'm not gonna be all stand back and look [TS]

  at it from a removal guy and just be [TS]

  here and talk to people and hanging out [TS]

  and and it wasn't long before I saw this [TS]

  is you know I think probably late [TS]

  morning and i saw a woman they're doing [TS]

  slots while she rocked a baby seat with [TS]

  her right foot blue so get her baby was [TS]

  there she was on like one of those [TS]

  stools and she's with the right foot [TS]

  she's pulling into the right foot she's [TS]

  like rocking a baby in a little Marcy do [TS]

  yeah I am through from ya i dont time [TS]

  did the thing is these guys these [TS]

  gambling guys they just think they look [TS]

  they look like terrible terrible people [TS]

  let's get headphones are you allowed to [TS]

  wear headphones while you're playing [TS]

  poker I think so i think you can do [TS]

  whatever you want because it's a because [TS]

  while West but but i might what I like [TS]

  about Daniel grant McGraw know is that [TS]

  he he has developed his it is developed [TS]

  his talent to the to the point that he [TS]

  can this is one of his tricks he'll go [TS]

  around the table and he'll tell [TS]

  everybody what their hand is and he's [TS]

  remarkable oh it's a whole nother level [TS]

  of bluffing [TS]

  yeah you it's remarkable how close he [TS]

  can get because he knows he knows the [TS]

  cards that have been dealt and he just [TS]

  he looks at your face he knows how your [TS]

  act [TS]

  bring any he what they call puts you on [TS]

  a certain hand and I imagine playing [TS]

  cards against this guy [TS]

  there's nothing illegal about it there's [TS]

  nothing illegal about him saying I bet [TS]

  you got a king queen don't you and [TS]

  you're sitting there with holding a king [TS]

  queen imagine trying to play poker [TS]

  against that but I say is like two [TS]

  levels of blessings on the one hand you [TS]

  know it isn't like you're being provoked [TS]

  because you can you can sit there with [TS]

  your stupid d sunglasses on and stare [TS]

  but when somebody says that to you it's [TS]

  going to be hard not to have some kind [TS]

  of reaction right and and so dead so [TS]

  daniel negreanu could have a 24 offsuit [TS]

  content but you've got a king queen [TS]

  don't you all in and then you're like he [TS]

  knows what cards i have and he's going [TS]

  all-in he must he must have two aces or [TS]

  whatever and then it turns out he he [TS]

  didn't know what you had and he was [TS]

  bluffing and you're just like so and he [TS]

  does it with a kind of Mary he's jesus i [TS]

  think he's a small man i can't tell for [TS]

  sure but he strikes me as a smaller guy [TS]

  and he he just I don't know he says he [TS]

  looks like amongst these guys he looks [TS]

  like a nice fella he's a little bit of a [TS]

  leprechaun I follow him on twitter and I [TS]

  don't know it's one of those funny [TS]

  things where there aren't many [TS]

  celebrities that I said I care about or [TS]

  try to attract their attention but i [TS]

  have replied to daniel negreanu tweets [TS]

  on a set on several occasions hoping [TS]

  that he will reply interesting and i [TS]

  don't know why i don't know why i care [TS]

  about this guy have seen him on TV i [TS]

  watch them play poker [TS]

  I feel like his mind is working a [TS]

  certain way that it is not akin to my [TS]

  night it's not a he's he's not a guy [TS]

  would maybe even naturally be friends [TS]

  with money is my money on the internet [TS]

  so silly [TS]

  the internet yeah i'm sorry i'm online i [TS]

  have to admit I'm a little bit off my [TS]

  game because now I'm consumed in these [TS]

  pictures of poker players I've been like [TS]

  at somebody's house you know it is you [TS]

  go to somebody's house and they got the [TS]

  TV on [TS]

  mm I don't know what this video plastic [TS]

  on their cultures they are not back in [TS]

  Ohio [TS]

  everybody did that but when I was a kid [TS]

  you just wouldn't have the TV on when [TS]

  somebody came over right now if it's the [TS]

  babysitter or something and you've got [TS]

  that as like establish TV time that's [TS]

  actually kind of a good transitional [TS]

  thing but you go to somebody's house to [TS]

  get the TV on you know you can't really [TS]

  say we did not have the TV on the TV is [TS]

  going to be honest and the TV is this is [TS]

  the evening and sometimes people you [TS]

  know talking about em and and and it'll [TS]

  be something poker and I just I i watch [TS]

  people watching poker and I'm like the [TS]

  joke is to be like watching glitch [TS]

  people watching darts you can I think [TS]

  I'd rather watch darts easy i don't i [TS]

  want all these people who died in a fire [TS]

  I don't want any of them to win they [TS]

  just are awful people starts at least a [TS]

  sport it's absolutely a sport [TS]

  yeah well I'm a guy that if I walk into [TS]

  a restaurant let's say in an airport or [TS]

  anywhere [TS]

  yeah where there's a TV on and there's [TS]

  no one in the bar [TS]

  I just walk around and turn them off [TS]

  yeah that is right back the other day [TS]

  we're right under that the TV and it was [TS]

  like CNN just blaring of course [TS]

  yeah i mean if if I can turn them off [TS]

  there are some airports now where the [TS]

  tvs are it not in the bar but they're [TS]

  just throughout the airport absolutely [TS]

  every gate [TS]

  yeah and the TV just blaring CNN like [TS]

  you're saying and oh my god I can't [TS]

  think of a worse thing I'm similar Seto [TS]

  scared of men are scared to be alone [TS]

  this is scared to feel alone Diamond [TS]

  Dogs demon dogs [TS]

  here's the other thing back around like [TS]

  I as a point when I was looking at james [TS]

  bond movies and I thought I should learn [TS]

  more about background I tried to read [TS]

  the wikipedia page i thought this has [TS]

  got to be the most confusing thing I've [TS]

  ever heard in my life [TS]

  now I know you're not at the stage quite [TS]

  yet but i want to plant a seed I want to [TS]

  hear how it goes when you wear your [TS]

  little daughter start doing stuff I want [TS]

  to I want to hear you how it goes when [TS]

  you try to explain baseball [TS]

  oh this with a baseball field right by [TS]

  our house and we went out to watch [TS]

  baseball and I don't like to be like [TS]

  explaining dad that big truck is [TS]

  carrying dirt for making the road where [TS]

  people who cares about were sitting [TS]

  there watching and subscribe to be [TS]

  dinner plate is in the sky that big [TS]

  truck is carrying tar for the road [TS]

  that toner is made out of a cool [TS]

  distillate look over there do you see [TS]

  that man he's my pole you know how trees [TS]

  grow woman oh you doesn't it seem a [TS]

  little bit more a little bit warmer you [TS]

  wearing a trench coat but you were [TS]

  explaining to her well she's in there [TS]

  and there's like a baseball game go on a [TS]

  really terrible baseball game i think [TS]

  only terrible teams play at our park for [TS]

  sitting there watching them in there we [TS]

  know walking around and I i don't i [TS]

  don't want to be explained things [TS]

  stupidly to my daughter went dumb things [TS]

  down but I tried to explain baseball and [TS]

  every for everything that I could [TS]

  explain it required either more [TS]

  explanation [TS]

  yeah and or something that contravenes [TS]

  what I just said [TS]

  right right right so there's these 90 [TS]

  America's game america's pastime [TS]

  there's nine there's nine people out [TS]

  there and that guy's going to come with [TS]

  the bat and so that got pictures gonna [TS]

  throw the ball and try to hit it easy [TS]

  enough [TS]

  okay well if he hits it he has to go [TS]

  around all the bases right i don't think [TS]

  most baseball fans would would describe [TS]

  that as an obligation [TS]

  although I guess it is this is delicious [TS]

  has to have to he gets to he has wait a [TS]

  minute you're saying he had the [TS]

  opportunity to run the bases you don't [TS]

  have to do anything he doesn't want to [TS]

  he doesn't have to but you choose to [TS]

  play different positions if you want to [TS]

  in baseball [TS]

  it seems like it's got a lot of rules [TS]

  for example they got they got all the [TS]

  different positions you get first [TS]

  outfield you know left have different [TS]

  talents so first baseman and other [TS]

  obstacles just this i know i just i [TS]

  think you can have to stand in a certain [TS]

  place and stuff and try to explain and [TS]

  so they throw the ball and if he but I [TS]

  mean how do you explain a foul ball with [TS]

  a full count [TS]

  mmm those a strike but it wasn't a [TS]

  strike right [TS]

  ok so that was a strike we'll wait and [TS]

  swing at it as well rules [TS]

  wait wait wait that's wait hang on a [TS]

  minute so there's three balls and I'm [TS]

  speaking for my daughter who ya this [TS]

  point not be able to take it and [TS]

  understand any of this [TS]

  so there is why this is why I didn't [TS]

  fully understand baseball until I was 32 [TS]

  it's incredibly complicated if you [TS]

  really think about it but I have the [TS]

  advantage for for several years they're [TS]

  going to baseball games with our good [TS]

  friends Jason Finn and then other times [TS]

  with ben gibbard and both of these guys [TS]

  are super baseball thing [TS]

  Alice adjacent to Jason Jason used to [TS]

  score the game's he would he would do [TS]

  that thing that old men to make it a [TS]

  piece of paper and a piece of been [TS]

  offensive and you'd score these fucking [TS]

  games and he would explain everything [TS]

  that was happening as it was happening [TS]

  and it was like me sitting at a [TS]

  background table [TS]

  I'm like well not now i will now what's [TS]

  a balk and he's like well here's the [TS]

  thing about a balk hardly ever happens [TS]

  but that about and he would explain what [TS]

  a balk was and I had to see like 13 [TS]

  balks before I kind of got got it you [TS]

  know like infield fly rule and all these [TS]

  things he also says that Erica but but [TS]

  but also I you know what these guys [TS]

  communicated to me it was through their [TS]

  love of baseball Bob bends and jason [TS]

  said that they love baseball in [TS]

  different ways but you know they they [TS]

  they communicated the kind of like Greek [TS]

  drama that baseball is and made me [TS]

  understand that you really don't [TS]

  understand the game you can't appreciate [TS]

  the game unless you're also really [TS]

  following the players stories you know [TS]

  these guys would come up to bat and I'm [TS]

  thinking he's going to hit some [TS]

  baseballs thrown at him and then one of [TS]

  them is going to either hit or not and [TS]

  Jason's like not this guy got called up [TS]

  from the minors after 15 years of [TS]

  playing triple-a ball and for the new [TS]

  zealand you know ocelots and and this is [TS]

  a real Cinderella story and I'm like [TS]

  cinderella story right I hear that a lot [TS]

  what does that mean he's like yeah this [TS]

  is amazing this guy here boy here you [TS]

  know he had some injuries last season [TS]

  and so all that all that extra material [TS]

  that they're bringing into the into [TS]

  every game where they know the narrative [TS]

  of each one of these players right and [TS]

  they're bringing that that you know [TS]

  they're bringing those narratives into [TS]

  it and and all of a sudden you feel like [TS]

  oh it's the freaking Iliad to these [TS]

  people [TS]

  it's like you know here come here you're [TS]

  here comes this guy who's from like he's [TS]

  a guy who used to play for the opposing [TS]

  team and he's coming up and he's back [TS]

  home for the first time for sure here's [TS]

  a guy that got drafted right out of high [TS]

  school and and and I see there are other [TS]

  coaches getting [TS]

  old and this might be his last you know [TS]

  season stuff like that right or this you [TS]

  know this picture this is a pitching [TS]

  duel and end you and your eat you [TS]

  realize like how they are seeing this as [TS]

  a clash of titans like the Etruscans [TS]

  against the Phoenicians like it isn't it [TS]

  isn't just a bunch of dumb overpaid fat [TS]

  kids out there running around running [TS]

  around a field that's like this is this [TS]

  its all full it's all laced with [TS]

  metaphor for a true fan over uh and and [TS]

  I'm not interested in things I wish I [TS]

  could i I totally intellectually [TS]

  understand that i feel that way with [TS]

  comics but you know and and things like [TS]

  TV shows i've gotten into but it's I [TS]

  can't get past the fact that you guys [TS]

  think that nothing is not the fatter the [TS]

  rich it's just it's just it's so I just [TS]

  I just cannot get into it and I know you [TS]

  don't want to begrudge people liking it [TS]

  but i begrudge how much it is forced [TS]

  down my throat all the time it drives me [TS]

  crazy [TS]

  it made me realize that the in my [TS]

  private moments walking around the city [TS]

  the things that I am enjoying about but [TS]

  you know my little private narratives [TS]

  are also kind of laced with metaphor and [TS]

  full of full of metadata that other [TS]

  people don't have access to and you know [TS]

  I'm walking around I'm like oh this is [TS]

  like the other day I was in an airport [TS]

  and it was just I'm just navigating an [TS]

  airport which I've done a million times [TS]

  and it's late at night on the only [TS]

  person there and I wasn't trying to make [TS]

  it fun for myself I just started I just [TS]

  started having a spy adventure in the [TS]

  airport by myself because I don't know [TS]

  why because there is no like I'm in the [TS]

  airport and a couple of I walk through a [TS]

  couple of pneumatic doors and all of a [TS]

  sudden I'm all of a sudden I'm trying to [TS]

  lose a tail and all of a sudden i am you [TS]

  know trying to get some microfiche with [TS]

  something something chips off your [TS]

  spidey sense and even jokey spidey-sense [TS]

  you go oh here we go and what I'm having [TS]

  and then I'm having fun and I'm and I'm [TS]

  seeing I'm seeing all all the it in all [TS]

  the airport hieroglyphics I'm seeing all [TS]

  this other [TS]

  for information and I'm and I'm [TS]

  remembering you know the great the Great [TS]

  espionage stories that kind of make up a [TS]

  part of my imagination and I'm passing [TS]

  the time I guess consuming because [TS]

  aren't you also you're looking for means [TS]

  if it grass you're looking for who you [TS]

  can count on the ball you always you [TS]

  when you're at the terminal you're [TS]

  figuring out who you're going to take it [TS]

  out and you might be able to get on your [TS]

  side [TS]

  well i'm thinking like okay there's the [TS]

  security door watching the watching the [TS]

  janitor come and slide his little card [TS]

  and the door opens and I realized that [TS]

  is the way I'm gonna have to get out of [TS]

  here and I so I'm gonna take that [TS]

  janitor down and can i yes handoff and I [TS]

  never mind one of those uh you know [TS]

  cybernetic things and that is that is [TS]

  essentially I guess what people are [TS]

  doing when they watch baseball [TS]

  it's just they're not there they're [TS]

  imagination is engaged in a different [TS]

  way they have a different paper a [TS]

  different set of the different a [TS]

  different group of material is going [TS]

  into the function machine and that's [TS]

  coming out the other side has a [TS]

  different at different shapes sausage [TS]

  links but really they're just using [TS]

  their mind to pass pass the time since [TS]

  the game is the game that's happening on [TS]

  the field but there's another kind of [TS]

  game that's happening in somebody's head [TS]

  yesterday I watched 12 pitch ins [TS]

  fighting over some bread and I pick a [TS]

  side like I want that guy to win right [TS]

  right and I turned on the world series [TS]

  the other day and I don't care about [TS]

  Detroit or San Francisco frankly as a [TS]

  penance for sports teams go [TS]

  I love them both is six the argument [TS]

  here I'll get but ah but I i'm watching [TS]

  and i'm like okay i'm rooting for [TS]

  Detroit because I feel like Detroit is [TS]

  the perennial underdog in everything and [TS]

  then there's a the matter the San [TS]

  Francisco guys have a story there was a [TS]

  guidance from on the San Francisco team [TS]

  that literally had spent his entire [TS]

  baseball career in the minors and had [TS]

  just gotten called up last year as an [TS]

  old guy and now he's pitching in the [TS]

  world series one year later after how [TS]

  the story he's like yeah it's a internet [TS]

  it's an incredible cinderella store and [TS]

  so i'm watching this thing and every [TS]

  time somebody comes up to bat I'm like [TS]

  well i hope this [TS]

  I wins and I'm the worst sports fan in [TS]

  the world I'm like I'm like I'm like [TS]

  somebody's girlfriend i hope this guy [TS]

  wins I like his hair like their hats [TS]

  I hope it's definitely like that with [TS]

  the Olympics you know they're always [TS]

  trying to insert all this like oh you [TS]

  know drove her at 5am yeah swim practice [TS]

  every morning [TS]

  yeah and a lot of those lot of those [TS]

  Olympic montages what I come away from [TS]

  it with his like oh you know what [TS]

  terrible parents [TS]

  he can't mention that they really do [TS]

  that like the girl that won the combined [TS]

  gymnastics thing it's like well we [TS]

  wanted her to succeed at this so we sent [TS]

  her away [TS]

  I haven't seen my daughter in two years [TS]

  because she's benefits gymnastics school [TS]

  in Iowa I can't afford to go there so [TS]

  I'm here working to make the money just [TS]

  to pay for her to be at this gymnastics [TS]

  place right now I don't get too serious [TS]

  she's only 13 or something and I was [TS]

  like I didn't feel like they were [TS]

  terrible parents but I just felt like [TS]

  wow weird like weird priorities [TS]

  yeah that's because things like running [TS]

  fast by themselves are not that [TS]

  interesting but this girl won all these [TS]

  Olympic medals and the rest of her life [TS]

  shall be the one that won all those [TS]

  Olympic medals he meet her party will be [TS]

  a little envious [TS]

  you know it's like having an Emmy and he [TS]

  got it Anita she's basically the Olympic [TS]

  he got i think i do something similar to [TS]

  this day I had never thought about [TS]

  thought about in this way until now and [TS]

  our boyfriend's got simpsons pointed [TS]

  this out to me that I'm I'm kind of [TS]

  suspicious guy like I'm always trying to [TS]

  notice [TS]

  notice [TS]

  like what's not quite right here why did [TS]

  I decide to do it that way or and I do [TS]

  this constantly and I don't even really [TS]

  think about it and I definitely think [TS]

  about how weird it is until I find [TS]

  myself saying it to somebody else [TS]

  mhm it could be something like it's kind [TS]

  of weird they bust all the tables in [TS]

  this place twice but they haven't plus [TS]

  that table yet one that is and then I [TS]

  start thinking about well maybe the [TS]

  Busboys mad at that waiter maybe they're [TS]

  expecting the person come back and and [TS]

  then I know I'm suddenly on the spot [TS]

  right so I'm always noticing things in [TS]

  my in my room in Seattle [TS]

  hmm that's interesting it used to be you [TS]

  always had many bars in rooms and now [TS]

  you don't see many bars very much [TS]

  anymore they have a refrigerator in here [TS]

  but not a minibar I wonder why they did [TS]

  that [TS]

  is it because it's it was just people [TS]

  were asking for reversals on charges [TS]

  it was too costly to restock with their [TS]

  liability problems and now suddenly got [TS]

  an hour later I wake up you know in a [TS]

  cold sweat and I've been thinking about [TS]

  this thing for an hour and that right so [TS]

  for me I I'm very sympathetic walking [TS]

  around an airport IC IC especially in an [TS]

  airport you know because you got nothing [TS]

  better to do [TS]

  yeah you just like getting no no you [TS]

  just you're gonna like fine little games [TS]

  for yourself [TS]

  one thing about airports is there is [TS]

  that there is that under class of people [TS]

  who are in the airport all the time they [TS]

  work there who is not i would even say [TS]

  underclass but there they are a [TS]

  sub-class to the like the airport fills [TS]

  up with people it was those other from [TS]

  Middle Earth but there but here's that [TS]

  here are these people who are always [TS]

  here and you don't notice them it's like [TS]

  it's like a at this at the public market [TS]

  i remember i was down at the public [TS]

  market here in Seattle with with [TS]

  somebody who's visiting and there was a [TS]

  native american guy who was panhandling [TS]

  kind of right in the middle of the [TS]

  market and this person said oh my God [TS]

  look at that it's a real Indian [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  and I said here surrounded by Indians [TS]

  here in Seattle there are Native [TS]

  Americans all over the city and they're [TS]

  like what really [TS]

  and I said yeah you're not seeing them [TS]

  and we stood there in the market and [TS]

  looked around and I was like look over [TS]

  there see right there and all of a [TS]

  sudden they became aware that they were [TS]

  Native Americans all around us and they [TS]

  just had never had never that they had [TS]

  they had grown used to because of [TS]

  wherever they grew up or however it is [TS]

  that this happens but they just didn't [TS]

  see Native Americans because they had a [TS]

  sense that any time they saw a Native [TS]

  American that person was going to be [TS]

  either panhandling memor or judging them [TS]

  wherever your head yes if there was some [TS]

  there was some thing about Indians in [TS]

  America that made them uncomfortable and [TS]

  so they just stopped seeing them and you [TS]

  know you can't you can't spend five [TS]

  minutes in seattle downtown without [TS]

  realizing that that this is kind of a a [TS]

  place where Native American culture is [TS]

  existing simultaneous with Seattle [TS]

  culture but in a way like a separate and [TS]

  and people just don't they just change [TS]

  their the focus of their eyes a little [TS]

  bit and they don't they don't see them [TS]

  and it's the same in airports there are [TS]

  people in airports that are there all [TS]

  the alt all the time and you don't see [TS]

  them you're looking for your gate you're [TS]

  looking around you don't realize that [TS]

  there's this other culture happening [TS]

  that's always there [TS]

  well utilize if you're like oh hello and [TS]

  you always think about it of course from [TS]

  your point of view so the things that I [TS]

  first noticed a lot when i first visited [TS]

  San Francisco 1997 versus what I noticed [TS]

  now are really different and this is [TS]

  really psych 101 stuff but i think it's [TS]

  incredibly interesting [TS]

  you don't even see the vomit you can I I [TS]

  the thing is I I don't even notice the [TS]

  poop i walk around the poop without even [TS]

  seeing it now I know it's there but you [TS]

  know again like my spidey sense but but [TS]

  I mean this is one way to start feeling [TS]

  a little bit more alive in life is to [TS]

  realize how much [TS]

  stuff you chunked you know you agree [TS]

  chunking and heuristics and algorithms [TS]

  account for so much of our existence [TS]

  that if we were to really stop and think [TS]

  about it it would blow your mind [TS]

  how many things you've jumped like a [TS]

  great example of my daughter and I go [TS]

  away from streetcar there's a multi [TS]

  multi multi-ton vehicle like you go to [TS]

  wait for a BART train there's there's [TS]

  something flying by you at like 40 miles [TS]

  an hour [TS]

  this joint and you're like four feet [TS]

  away from that like what kind of [TS]

  frontier guy would feel good like [TS]

  standing next to a giant piece of metal [TS]

  flying by 40 miles an hour you have a [TS]

  bitumen yourself to that because it [TS]

  hasn't jumped off the track and killed [TS]

  you yet [TS]

  right right that's more than I mean the [TS]

  whole bunch of these where think about [TS]

  the way you drive to work now in your [TS]

  case you don't have a job and you always [TS]

  drive a different route so that's just [TS]

  in and of itself makes you more alive [TS]

  but I mean and I think that's what [TS]

  happens with me and this is my own [TS]

  probably mental illness and it's why I'm [TS]

  very sympathetic to crazy people is I I [TS]

  sometimes wonder what's the pattern here [TS]

  that I haven't seen yet [TS]

  that's i'm really i'm almost obsessed by [TS]

  that like why did you choose them like a [TS]

  marketing message why did you choose to [TS]

  put that ad in this place with that [TS]

  wording of course a lot of this probably [TS]

  means next to nothing because it's just [TS]

  a bunch of idiots probably but I I don't [TS]

  know I I my life gets better if I let [TS]

  myself slip away some of the chunking [TS]

  and re-experience that and sometimes [TS]

  that's what travel is you know I want to [TS]

  get beyond the airport even but you go [TS]

  somewhere and you try and see something [TS]

  a new including yourself and that means [TS]

  instead of saying well here's all the [TS]

  things here that are weird and here's [TS]

  all the things that I can't get here [TS]

  right right you know there's other [TS]

  things I can get but don't want and [TS]

  here's all the things that I want but [TS]

  can't get Tim's Tim's biscuits wonder [TS]

  what that's a chatty chatty room where [TS]

  they call that to drink it [TS]

  that's a tea drink it i I don't know why [TS]

  this is and I because this isn't true of [TS]

  anybody else in my family I don't know [TS]

  why why I'm like this but I do [TS]

  everything I can to break my own [TS]

  patterns every day like I know when I [TS]

  put a cup of coffee in the microwave [TS]

  I never cheated for the same amount of [TS]

  time no way [TS]

  yeah because Manuel you [TS]

  manually choose be a lot of times well [TS]

  one minute two seconds i had when i met [TS]

  my daughter's milk in the morning I've [TS]

  got down to a science because i realize [TS]

  we have a quick minute button right [TS]

  quick if i get about like Alec the I [TS]

  feel like the quick minute button is the [TS]

  is the enemy [TS]

  holy shit on vichy of consciousness I'm [TS]

  you know what I'm complicit because what [TS]

  I do is I I know here's the thing [TS]

  it used to be that I would go to didn't [TS]

  get it set for like 52 seconds or [TS]

  whatever I said wait a minute if I had a [TS]

  little bit more milk to this cup I can [TS]

  go i can hit clear quick minute and on i [TS]

  hit tip right number three buttons and [TS]

  I'm making milk [TS]

  there you go all right but I'm a little [TS]

  less alive aren't I well this is this is [TS]

  why I take a different route into town [TS]

  every day [TS]

  partly had at well just want to lose the [TS]

  tail right so much we said too much but [TS]

  i but i also like in the process of [TS]

  taking a different route to town every [TS]

  day I've been down every Street in the [TS]

  city and you know there are there are [TS]

  there are your accruing accidental [TS]

  benefit all the time from breaking your [TS]

  own pattern Andrew and I you know the [TS]

  pediatrician when my daughter was born [TS]

  said you know children really like [TS]

  patterns they like regimented sort of [TS]

  thing they like to the dependable day [TS]

  who as though this was like you know [TS]

  this was a pediatric 101 and i said to [TS]

  her i was like well that's just not [TS]

  going to happen [TS]

  um so we're going to have to if this is [TS]

  true if kids like this kind of certainty [TS]

  then we're gonna have to find a [TS]

  different way to to to impress upon her [TS]

  that things are certain in life but i'm [TS]

  not i'm not going to make her this make [TS]

  her breakfast at the same hour every day [TS]

  it's just never going to happen and that [TS]

  little bit of pushback the pediatrician [TS]

  was like oh well I'm sure that's fine [TS]

  too [TS]

  I was like oh it's another example of [TS]

  people saying shit where they don't they [TS]

  and they don't mean it [TS]

  there's no no like real basis for that [TS]

  or even if there is I mean that she read [TS]

  450 papers written that represent the [TS]

  450 different studies that people have [TS]

  done that have come to this conclusion [TS]

  turns out but turns turns out they're [TS]

  just a bunch of studies that people did [TS]

  on some group of kids in a room it [TS]

  doesn't mean anything [TS]

  every person is individual and you might [TS]

  have you might have 400 kids at all like [TS]

  they're there Elmo doll given to them at [TS]

  the same minute of the day because there [TS]

  Elmo dolls always been given to them at [TS]

  the same minute of every day my daughter [TS]

  is almost too and she has she has so far [TS]

  exhibited no adverse effects to living a [TS]

  life that is almost one hundred percent [TS]

  spontaneous and try to on you try to [TS]

  push the envelope I mean is it a [TS]

  different sized Elmo different color i [TS]

  missing and then back i mean if you I [TS]

  don't i'm not i'm not yet experimenting [TS]

  on her in that way although its [TS]

  underlying off so will surely come but [TS]

  you know what [TS]

  when she's ready to go to bed it's [TS]

  obvious and when she's ready to wake up [TS]

  we all wake up like I i remember i would [TS]

  we went to buy a car from a from a gal [TS]

  who just had a this is this was back [TS]

  when i was buying a lot of cars [TS]

  she just had a baby and she had a couple [TS]

  of older kids and we were buying her car [TS]

  and her her new son was like what a [TS]

  week-old something like that we were [TS]

  like wow that must have that must really [TS]

  change things for you I mean that's [TS]

  leave gotta you've got a couple of boys [TS]

  you know one's five and 13 and they got [TS]

  this little one its root must really [TS]

  gives you know must be like crazy times [TS]

  right now and she said about the infant [TS]

  yeah well he's got a couple more weeks [TS]

  where he's kinda can do his own thing [TS]

  but then he's gotta get on our schedule [TS]

  and I was like whoa haha yeah yeah [TS]

  couple of weeks to you know just be a [TS]

  two week old and he's gonna have to get [TS]

  on their schedule and and I think [TS]

  there's a lot of people live that way [TS]

  you know you gotta get on my schedule so [TS]

  but on the other hand tu you i-i've like [TS]

  I'm hearing two things here are you [TS]

  saying that you you're not going to [TS]

  create and Hugh to a baby centric [TS]

  schedule correct [TS]

  oh no no I i well [TS]

  I i went the other way I think I think I [TS]

  think we all went the other way which [TS]

  was that I don't have a schedule so it's [TS]

  the baby schedule right baby schedule [TS]

  one hundred percent for the first year [TS]

  for life and now her schedule is when [TS]

  she's with me [TS]

  it is whatever happens and when she's [TS]

  with her nana of course [TS]

  mana is on a schedule oprah is nana is a [TS]

  is a lady who is on a she's he's got a [TS]

  dog that needs walk she has beautiful [TS]

  beautiful garden to keep up [TS]

  yeah and she's on I mean she's on a much [TS]

  more of a schedule than that I mean Anna [TS]

  is on a schedule where she is rotating [TS]

  condiments and stuff where it's like oh [TS]

  it's march six teeth huh that's not a [TS]

  new zesty Italian that's the day when [TS]

  the tartar sauce moves from the top [TS]

  shelf of the door of the refrigerator to [TS]

  the middle shelf because you got to keep [TS]

  everything on it [TS]

  everything's going to happen i have such [TS]

  a funny you know it's easy to become a [TS]

  smug parent because that's it's right [TS]

  there in the name parent you are you [TS]

  become smug but when you hear people who [TS]

  are you know you know you can like [TS]

  scheduled a c-section and stuff like [TS]

  that and not for medical reasons but [TS]

  just because it fits your schedule [TS]

  yeah yeah I mean you know whatever I [TS]

  teaches own but it is funny to me when [TS]

  somebody has that kind of attitude of [TS]

  like well we're just gonna you know get [TS]

  this as though it's a puppy who will [TS]

  eventually learn about the paper [TS]

  well you can't have parent without [TS]

  errant whoa right and I sometimes forget [TS]

  how much you're here to help pair [TS]

  read em and let you know it's like yeah [TS]

  you know what they would have everything [TS]

  planned out you want to have everything [TS]

  all squared away and it's like they're [TS]

  just you know especially when the baby's [TS]

  little yeah you know I think a lot about [TS]

  the game and dogs mechanics just how [TS]

  line with their red eyes they're just [TS]

  nipping at your heels and i slept pretty [TS]

  well last night but I still feel a [TS]

  little bit out of it today i did some [TS]

  stuff this morning someone little [TS]

  confused [TS]

  well sometimes sometimes getting a good [TS]

  night's sleep can actually make you a [TS]

  real fuzzball [TS]

  oh this is working through difficulties [TS]

  were going through a sleeping right now [TS]

  she's a like well anyway I came back [TS]

  from from our trip we should some point [TS]

  talk about our think probably should [TS]

  because it might be one really well I [TS]

  like you too [TS]

  yeah I don't you were amazing see you [TS]

  really were your truth teller you you [TS]

  wouldn't you wouldn't say this time [TS]

  young was you i would not bullshit you [TS]

  would avoid it [TS]

  your your game changing that you did the [TS]

  game-changing that you accomplished I [TS]

  mean you changed a lot of games that [TS]

  night and I was proud of I was proud to [TS]

  be on stage with us proud to share the [TS]

  stage with you [TS]

  well you called me and i remember i said [TS]

  the same thing an email you don't [TS]

  believe you coming fact I said gay get [TS]

  you coming yeah yeah nice anymore [TS]

  fingers like let's say please use that [TS]

  turntable last word [TS]

  yeah it's yeah I feel similar ask why we [TS]

  should talk about it we should we should [TS]

  just about that a little bit later but [TS]

  all i want to say they came back I was [TS]

  tired I could tell us get the stress mom [TS]

  the night before last [TS]

  ah you know sometimes i'm usually [TS]

  superdad hundred percent attention [TS]

  don't look at the phone don't do [TS]

  anything you know and I think in some [TS]

  ways that's been a not great thing in [TS]

  some ways because that means whenever [TS]

  dads around with you play with that but [TS]

  that's the playground off work forever [TS]

  more or wherever you know what i mean [TS]

  but it was like five o'clock two days [TS]

  ago and I was like you know what we're [TS]

  gonna read a little bit and then we're [TS]

  going to lay down i'm going to sleep [TS]

  you may either go to sleep with me or [TS]

  you can go in another room and be [TS]

  extremely quiet and she ended up falling [TS]

  asleep and she slept like 830 mhm so of [TS]

  course now she goes to bed at ten as you [TS]

  probably know from how this stuff goes [TS]

  now that throws everything off thats not [TS]

  even you can't Bank up sleep with a kid [TS]

  right it throws off the clock [TS]

  it's when you tell you trying to tell [TS]

  you you're single I'm not single but [TS]

  you're on one of childless friends about [TS]

  something called sleep hygiene they roll [TS]

  their eyes and think you're being on [TS]

  Northern California but your kids not [TS]

  sleeping everybody's fucked right it [TS]

  really i mean somebody's going to bear [TS]

  the brunt of that there's going to be [TS]

  some caregiver that has to to deal with [TS]

  when there's not sleep in place and so [TS]

  that's why I think it's funny when [TS]

  people are like have these ideas they [TS]

  read a book or something and they're [TS]

  like all y'all we're gonna get them on [TS]

  the gator game on the schedule of of [TS]

  this and that and especially when the [TS]

  little it's just that's it it's really [TS]

  weird it's like trying to train a brick [TS]

  you know it's it's like you really think [TS]

  that's gonna work i mean you're gonna [TS]

  like you're just gonna frustrate both of [TS]

  you and [TS]

  not necessarily going to make it better [TS]

  I think you provide favorable conditions [TS]

  i can't i'm not sure if he said he said [TS]

  this recorded this is my friend Jeff [TS]

  Dean once in the way he has approach to [TS]

  design is to make it easy to do the [TS]

  right thing right and I'm not believe in [TS]

  this so i think if you create instead of [TS]

  telling your child to be honest [TS]

  instead create conditions in which it's [TS]

  hard to be anything but to want to be [TS]

  anything but honest right if you want to [TS]

  create if you want to get to sleep [TS]

  create a condition where it's easy to [TS]

  sleep in the way that you want which [TS]

  sounds subtle but i think that's really [TS]

  really different from go get in bed now [TS]

  is creating stress because now daddy [TS]

  schedule says it's time for you it's 725 [TS]

  so it's time for you to go be in bed and [TS]

  if it's 726 now we're both mad [TS]

  yeah there's a there's one there's one [TS]

  bone of contention in my family right [TS]

  now which is that sometimes I feel like [TS]

  baby has to sit on Daddy's lap oh and [TS]

  sometimes baby doesn't want to sit on [TS]

  Daddy's lap she wants to get down [TS]

  uh-huh and I say and the end and there [TS]

  are a lot of people in my family who [TS]

  feel like baby should be allowed to do [TS]

  whatever she wants and I said they had [TS]

  their chance i say this is this is true [TS]

  baby has sometimes in the day when she [TS]

  was allowed to do whatever she wants but [TS]

  there are times and this is one of them [TS]

  one baby needs to just sit on Daddy's [TS]

  lap because and this is what i always [TS]

  come I always come back to what if we [TS]

  are in a hidden train compartment and [TS]

  the Gestapo is checking documents does [TS]

  baby get to get down and run around so [TS]

  like what you like Darion like a like [TS]

  hiding in the floor type situation [TS]

  exactly you have limited space and it is [TS]

  a this John hate to keep bringing this [TS]

  up by the last episode of mash it just [TS]

  keeps bringing me back the last episode [TS]

  of mesh they're sitting there in the bus [TS]

  they're about to be discovered by the [TS]

  North Koreans em all right and and and [TS]

  they're in the back on this bus full of [TS]

  the civilians and hot guys there and [TS]

  this baby remember the baby the baby the [TS]

  baby the baby's crying and crying and [TS]

  crying and that's revealing that [TS]

  position [TS]

  yeah now that that is that with much [TS]

  respect to to a simple village woman [TS]

  never rehearse that no she had not she [TS]

  had raised a baby that thought it was [TS]

  okay to just go to a baby once that's [TS]

  right that's right am I on the right [TS]

  track here this year preparing for [TS]

  something much larger than having a [TS]

  healthy child [TS]

  well this is what happened in that [TS]

  terrible Quentin Tarantino movie The the [TS]

  one where they shoot Hitler in the face [TS]

  400 times how the the angry chisme you [TS]

  have a baby under those the baby under [TS]

  the house makes a sound oh so here's the [TS]

  thing if you have a baby you need to [TS]

  prepare that openings that opening [TS]

  selling that was great it was a great [TS]

  opening sequence the rest of the movie [TS]

  was a particular age for shit but the [TS]

  beginning opening sequence could have [TS]

  been a whole thing that was very well [TS]

  done but uh but so so my contention is [TS]

  and I have to I have to hold have to [TS]

  hold the women in my clan back with a [TS]

  saber well I'm holding baby on my lab [TS]

  because they because babies crying and [TS]

  they want to make it better and so I [TS]

  keep them at bay with a saber in one [TS]

  hand and with the other hand I just say [TS]

  behold your daughter fast I said baby [TS]

  let's say you're too young to understand [TS]

  this but let's say there's Gestapo [TS]

  searching this farmhouse we do not this [TS]

  is not the time to play this is the few [TS]

  minutes where you just sit quietly on [TS]

  Daddy's lap and she fights and screams [TS]

  and yells and I'm like fighting [TS]

  screaming yellow you like but when that [TS]

  moment comes we will be ready we will be [TS]

  trained so this is so you don't think [TS]

  about this thing about how you train a [TS]

  police dog first of all i gotta say John [TS]

  I'm going to start doing this today and [TS]

  I some and more often than not will [TS]

  probably be that you need to go in [TS]

  another room be extremely quiet because [TS]

  the Gestapo might be coming [TS]

  that's right I'm but you know it if you [TS]

  train police dog [TS]

  you don't just take the dog into a like [TS]

  a drug house and have it smell for drugs [TS]

  in the house right you do all kinds of [TS]

  things you have used to all this [TS]

  training first of all you've got to [TS]

  train the dog to like be a police dog in [TS]

  general you gotta follow orders and then [TS]

  don't you let the stuff we haven't [TS]

  sniffed things in a field and it has to [TS]

  text off and you're introducing things [TS]

  and getting more subtle subtle subtle [TS]

  yeah it has to be it has to be on voice [TS]

  command because you can't have a police [TS]

  dog that's just that's just that's just [TS]

  by don't just throw it bag of weed and [TS]

  take you to the airport [TS]

  it did some training [TS]

  yes it does and that's what you're doing [TS]

  it seems to me that what you're doing is [TS]

  you're doing the you're doing a kind of [TS]

  I don't know allied power parenting [TS]

  yeah that's right and then Anna think [TS]

  anybody gives a way that train it's not [TS]

  going to be your daughter and she she is [TS]

  understanding that in her whole life [TS]

  there's only one person that is that [TS]

  drug that ultimately caused a big line [TS]

  the fatline for the saber the fatline [TS]

  with the slaver in those in the sand [TS]

  which is there is nothing now that you [TS]

  can say or do nothing that anyone can [TS]

  say or do that will divert me from this [TS]

  project of you sitting quietly on my lap [TS]

  you could set yourself on fire and I [TS]

  would hold you in my lap until you've [TS]

  burned to a cinder [TS]

  I will kill your mother and my own [TS]

  mother with this saber rather than let [TS]

  you get off my lap [TS]

  does everyone understand good that you [TS]

  sent you send a very clear message about [TS]

  how this is gonna work [TS]

  that's right now let's also quietly and [TS]

  let the Gestapo pass and it is very hard [TS]

  for everyone to to to swallow this [TS]

  bitter pill which is why I carry a saber [TS]

  every father should every father should [TS]

  be AI think its own United I talked [TS]

  about the guy went to school with who he [TS]

  sold sold Snickers bars and and bottom [TS]

  Marshall amp this time if I told you [TS]

  this but the other part that his dad his [TS]

  dad was the head of the k-9 unit at our [TS]

  Sheriff's Department have attorneys [TS]

  right [TS]

  ok so it's Phil's dad who really really [TS]

  cool interesting guy [TS]

  i I don't know that's like I learned a [TS]

  lot from this guy he was he was a really [TS]

  cool really smart guy and and so he's in [TS]

  charge of all of the guys who have dogs [TS]

  and do dog police stuff and apparently I [TS]

  mean he said any kind of interesting [TS]

  things but the one that really stuck [TS]

  with me was you know first of all these [TS]

  dogs go and live with the police officer [TS]

  yeah like it's [TS]

  it's not their pet but I mean that they [TS]

  have to have a very strong bond oh [TS]

  they're bonded right right but there's a [TS]

  lot of in and so then after it's a weird [TS]

  thing because they're not just watching [TS]

  the dogs are also watching the dude [TS]

  because these are fucking Rottweilers [TS]

  yeah [TS]

  Rottweilers and what Phil's dad would [TS]

  say to me is that I i am getting old i [TS]

  think i'm repeating myself but he said [TS]

  you know a Rottweiler it's like a marine [TS]

  like a Rottweiler will follow every [TS]

  order to the letter you know from the [TS]

  chain of command but it also knows what [TS]

  to do when there's no order in place [TS]

  it's like a come to commando dog which [TS]

  is great but here's the problem if [TS]

  you're not smarter than your dog and [TS]

  you're not more resolute than your dog [TS]

  that Rottweiler will run your fucking [TS]

  house you'll never have a life again [TS]

  because the Rottweilers bigger than us [TS]

  stronger than you and in some sense it [TS]

  is stronger and it is also smarter than [TS]

  you and he says that's the thing is we [TS]

  would we go when we monitor these guys [TS]

  we train them which we test out both the [TS]

  dog and the the handler and and the [TS]

  thing is he says you can learn so much [TS]

  about the character as with the beard [TS]

  you learn so much about the character of [TS]

  the police officer right now trying to [TS]

  interact with this dog and just seeing [TS]

  how their dog is you know you got you [TS]

  got you got one is little nervous people [TS]

  with three chihuahuas running around [TS]

  there's a pretty good chance it's gonna [TS]

  be a pretty nervous person at the other [TS]

  end of the the cord [TS]

  yeah well because because the because [TS]

  the human being has introduced all these [TS]

  variables all these concepts all these [TS]

  irrelevant concepts like I that they [TS]

  want to be nice [TS]

  does the dog like me all these things [TS]

  that never occurred the Dodgers wants to [TS]

  know what the rule is yeah the dog wants [TS]

  to be the ones we please you don't want [TS]

  to please you want to please the packets [TS]

  that dog was to know its place in a pack [TS]

  in my pack [TS]

  yes actually it a dog it's this is what [TS]

  this is john god dammit this is another [TS]

  thing people need to learn about yes [TS]

  dogs want to please us that is their [TS]

  nature but they want to please us [TS]

  because they think we're the boss not [TS]

  because we're nice [TS]

  oh they have no interested in pleasing [TS]

  us to earn our friendship [TS]

  no no no and they did that dog is not [TS]

  happy when they think they might be in [TS]

  power or maybe not [TS]

  they're happy when they know who's [TS]

  running the show well this is the [TS]

  interesting thing about our show the [TS]

  other day [TS]

  we did a show in seattle with five guys [TS]

  all of whom are alpha type people [TS]

  well some of us are more often some are [TS]

  more alpha than others and as much a [TS]

  shower the panel that the well both on [TS]

  the same group of people and jonathan [TS]

  coulton at one point said listen you [TS]

  know I don't want to get in the middle [TS]

  and start tangling with you silverbacks [TS]

  and I was like alright that's alright [TS]

  that's fair but he was making a point [TS]

  that there was in that show [TS]

  there there are all these and mrs. that [TS]

  this was part of my desire to get five [TS]

  really talented people together and [TS]

  collaborate there are all these [TS]

  questions of of like ape dynamics that [TS]

  nobody wants to address not only think I [TS]

  was pretty good at being a beta dog you [TS]

  were there you were awesome scott [TS]

  simpson was awesome i think in my his [TS]

  are given i think given my history and [TS]

  my end my pack problems as a human being [TS]

  I think I I'm not even out of my [TS]

  performance aside i think i was i didn't [TS]

  i didn't complain unduly about the [TS]

  tuxedos after it was a done deal [TS]

  no you you acquiesce to the tuxedos is [TS]

  what you did I did I got down and lay [TS]

  down my back and I said please don't [TS]

  hurt me [TS]

  he rolled over and put all four legs in [TS]

  the air to show you here okay don't get [TS]

  a dog you get a dog it starts acting up [TS]

  you know what you do if you're strong [TS]

  enough is that you just wanted a puppy [TS]

  you grab that fucking dog you put it on [TS]

  its back and you hold it down with it on [TS]

  its back [TS]

  that is the way that you show a dog [TS]

  who's in charge [TS]

  yeah like mom climbing into the herd [TS]

  good dogs kennel what my mom [TS]

  periodically what periodically makes [TS]

  Gibson breaks all she's racist or its [TS]

  she makes him get out of his dog bed and [TS]

  she climbs in and she lays down on his [TS]

  bed and she stares at him into guys my [TS]

  bed [TS]

  I know I ok I've accepted all of this up [TS]

  until now there's no way that your mom [TS]

  does that one hundred percent and she [TS]

  says I let you sleep in this camel hold [TS]

  this is not your camel and Gibson goes [TS]

  and she's like all right glad we had two [TS]

  glad we had this talk and she climbs out [TS]

  and then he goes back in [TS]

  I mean he understand and order order is [TS]

  established and you know it's funny [TS]

  though is also you know she was a [TS]

  computer programmer [TS]

  it's weird how many computer programming [TS]

  jobs go off the rails because people [TS]

  don't act like the code base is a shared [TS]

  resource they act like it's no you know [TS]

  what i mean like i get back to the bases [TS]

  ball like if you started going out there [TS]

  and thinking it was all about you just [TS]

  you know what trying to look cool while [TS]

  you're swinging the bat or a while it [TS]

  was about you trying to make eyes with [TS]

  somebody in in the stadium off sounds [TS]

  silly but you get your ass kicked [TS]

  because that's not your job your job is [TS]

  to go out there hit the fucking ball [TS]

  right you know what I mean the order the [TS]

  order must be restored and and oh my god [TS]

  is it is it a covered kennel [TS]

  oh it's a full-on crazy she cast a climb [TS]

  in [TS]

  that's one of those igloos it's a good [TS]

  fucking English she climbs and I got any [TS]

  glue you use service la years old you [TS]

  get you you should see her you know show [TS]

  I i have watched her walk down the [TS]

  street late at night ahead of me you [TS]

  know i'm trying to catch up to her like [TS]

  mom you shouldn't be out walking she [TS]

  walks right into the center of like them [TS]

  what what in some cases could be [TS]

  construed as the most intimidating [TS]

  scenario which is to say a group of four [TS]

  teenage some say them sync between 15 [TS]

  and 17 year old gangster still like [TS]

  street corner hangout see desperate with [TS]

  people desperate people who have no idea [TS]

  what they even have to list their [TS]

  teenagers they have no they have no [TS]

  sense that they are mortal and they are [TS]

  all wearing gang colors and they're [TS]

  standing on a street corner in the [TS]

  middle of the night in the middle of the [TS]

  hood and my mom will walk right into the [TS]

  middle of them [TS]

  and say I think that it's reprehensible [TS]

  that you just threw your candy wrapper [TS]

  on the ground or something like that and [TS]

  I'm you know I'm a block and a half [TS]

  behind going well and they they [TS]

  straighten up [TS]

  I mean I've watched it happen they're [TS]

  like yes ma'am and pick their candy bar [TS]

  wrapper up off the ground she's one of [TS]

  those if anything it's like I said it's [TS]

  a frank beautiful thing there are some [TS]

  people who just have a certain way of [TS]

  carrying themselves and have that [TS]

  principle feeling and if I did that I [TS]

  like I couldn't ikea you might be able [TS]

  to do that with some Authority but [TS]

  you're also big and intimidating your [TS]

  mom's not a not a giant person [TS]

  yeah but those kids wouldn't be [TS]

  intimidated by me you know that by [TS]

  myself [TS]

  it's my size would just it just would [TS]

  just encourage them to go on on the [TS]

  defensive attack help my mom just it's i [TS]

  would I think what it is is that we all [TS]

  have in the back of our head this switch [TS]

  where you do it your grandmother tells [TS]

  you you know and I feel like that that [TS]

  is why [TS]

  oh yeah i think i think that was kind of [TS]

  Secretary of State Madeleine Albright [TS]

  see Madeline Albright yeah attractive [TS]

  lady j beautiful voice she turns out [TS]

  term turns out the was a Jewish lady is [TS]

  up you know what she found out late in [TS]

  life that she's a Jewess she found out [TS]

  late in life that [TS]

  yeah that she had this whole culture so [TS]

  cultural backgrounds and no idea about [TS]

  her whole life in Nana's so so so you're [TS]

  but here's the thing that between [TS]

  without naming names you and certain [TS]

  members of your family are someone at [TS]

  loggerheads on the saber and baby [TS]

  holding issue it is believed by these [TS]

  women who are not you then the child [TS]

  should be allowed to go to stop it from [TS]

  crying it should be allowed to go wander [TS]

  around well this is the thing i don't [TS]

  believe that they are i don't believe [TS]

  that they are approaching these matters [TS]

  with up with the long view and they are [TS]

  responding rather to a crying baby [TS]

  their instinct is to take a crying baby [TS]

  and through [TS]

  heading and goldfish crackers and [TS]

  whatever other things that whatever [TS]

  other sort of a sorcery that people [TS]

  applied children they want to make the [TS]

  crying baby to stop they want crying [TS]

  baby tutu go away and happy baby come [TS]

  back and what what they fail to [TS]

  appreciate is that crying baby has no [TS]

  effect on me like I really it is the [TS]

  power is the power I have in this [TS]

  situation which is the difference [TS]

  between crying baby and happy baby is is [TS]

  a math problem to me not a an emotional [TS]

  one [TS]

  so I can sit with crying baby on my lap [TS]

  for an hour and I think it's important [TS]

  that it happened to visit their shots [TS]

  equal no no I mean it's exactly like a [TS]

  vampire [TS]

  it's exhausting but crying baby is [TS]

  sitting on my lap and she is saying [TS]

  she's saying crying baby is what I do [TS]

  crying babies who I become when I want [TS]

  the situation to change and I say I know [TS]

  that's what crying baby is and she goes [TS]

  so I am being crying baby and the [TS]

  situation is not changing and I go [TS]

  that's right and then we look at each [TS]

  other and she keeps growing our [TS]

  strategies to cry more strategies to cry [TS]

  more and to end and and I and I swear to [TS]

  you you know the women in my house are [TS]

  tearing their hair out that sometimes [TS]

  they have to leave the house because the [TS]

  because this you know this sound is not [TS]

  being because this sound is a sound that [TS]

  needs to be addressed and I am NOT [TS]

  addressing it although I am addressing [TS]

  them i'm addressing it by saying here is [TS]

  the thing you are going to sit on my lap [TS]

  and you can do it crying or not you can [TS]

  with this can go a thousand different [TS]

  ways but the thing that isn't going to [TS]

  change is that year he I mean you're not [TS]

  going to get down and it's not it's not [TS]

  a thing that's not a wrestling match [TS]

  it's just a but the crying is not going [TS]

  to produce the results that you're [TS]

  expecting in distance in making you're [TS]

  making a stronger person that made it [TS]

  may crying may work for you and a lot of [TS]

  other and a lot of other avenues but I [TS]

  know you don't have a wet diaper I know [TS]

  you are not uncomfortable i know you're [TS]

  not hurt I know you're not hungry i know [TS]

  you're not scared you are just [TS]

  dissatisfied and dissatisfaction is a [TS]

  thing that we are going to learn to sit [TS]

  and appreciate you can store it up for a [TS]

  while [TS]

  yeah dissatisfaction is a thing that we [TS]

  should we should savor it like a like a [TS]

  like a bloom up because all around me [TS]

  there are people who have never learned [TS]

  to endure dissatisfaction and I do not [TS]

  admire them [TS]

  uh-huh so that's the part with you is [TS]

  like eat you you do demand satisfaction [TS]

  but you deny yourself it seems to me the [TS]

  immediate payoff of going name and i'm [TS]

  going to write a letter or something [TS]

  like that you you let that sit and grow [TS]

  and strengthen right you're in training [TS]

  you're in training for the for the [TS]

  demanding of satisfaction what what what [TS]

  maybe what made walking into that north [TS]

  face so exciting to me was that I had [TS]

  had I've had two and a half months of [TS]

  discomfort that you know I could have [TS]

  thrown that backpack away the second I [TS]

  got to a town and bought a new backpack [TS]

  in a store but i did not i carried that [TS]

  broken ass backpack for two months I can [TS]

  you know what you like and you knew i [TS]

  was going to get work is going to get [TS]

  worse [TS]

  oh it was going to get worse and i knew [TS]

  i was gonna have to fix it with with [TS]

  thread and bailing wire i knew i was ID [TS]

  and i knew i knew i was going to carry [TS]

  that thing for two months and I was [TS]

  gonna carry it all the way back to [TS]

  Seattle and I was going to carry it down [TS]

  and I was gonna throw it on the floor [TS]

  that store I knew that was gonna happen [TS]

  and so every time it dug into my back [TS]

  every time that backpack [TS]

  every time I had to take it all apart so [TS]

  it back together [TS]

  it was just like and then you made [TS]

  everyone in the store sit on your lap [TS]

  then I made everybody so sad but I got [TS]

  my satisfaction [TS]

  i get i get mail from people all the [TS]

  time saying I'm trying to get [TS]

  satisfaction will you help me [TS]

  well you know you but not in the way you [TS]

  expect [TS]

  that's right my feeling is I'm not gonna [TS]

  help you get satisfaction right you but [TS]

  I can help you by saying I'd like one [TS]

  hundred percent support your desire to [TS]

  get satisfaction that there was a [TS]

  somebody tried to social network me the [TS]

  other day I want you too will you [TS]

  retweet my dissatisfaction [TS]

  oh they want you to be a social media [TS]

  fixer yeah I'm not gonna be your [TS]

  megaphone you know if if part of your [TS]

  dissatisfaction is that you are not you [TS]

  are not able to socially mediate your [TS]

  problem with these people [TS]

  let that be another love on your fire [TS]

  you could really become i mean i-i need [TS]

  all the time for something like this [TS]

  nowadays but you could become a kind of [TS]

  coach you could you could become [TS]

  somebody knowing i'm just saying i gotta [TS]

  know what it's just something to think [TS]

  about is you could you could i'm not [TS]

  saying you have to hold the monument [TS]

  that maybe that could be maybe I could [TS]

  be just the first week or so you come in [TS]

  for an hour and you maybe maybe you know [TS]

  how about this you go to their house you [TS]

  shake him out of bed [TS]

  yeah private get out get out of my bed [TS]

  laying in bed you can make him watch you [TS]

  make them watch you while you sleep in [TS]

  their bed when they're tired and [TS]

  confused [TS]

  stand at attention to the foot of his [TS]

  bed and watch me sleep my bed I let you [TS]

  sleep here watch me curl up with your [TS]

  little watch me turn your pillows towels [TS]

  that's it's a riffic idea because what [TS]

  you're what you're saying in some ways [TS]

  is it's funny there's that there's a [TS]

  again with the irony the irony of [TS]

  holding her in your lap and I'm the [TS]

  thing I proved that I think it's an [TS]

  interesting idea but a but the idea is [TS]

  you're teaching her that this is not a [TS]

  situation that will change [TS]

  it's not about her being sad it's about [TS]

  acceptance yeah right well it's about [TS]

  acceptance and it's about understanding [TS]

  that in this world in the world that she [TS]

  lives in there are people who are going [TS]

  to make decisions that she that where [TS]

  she is going to be consulted necessarily [TS]

  right and that is a thing that that the [TS]

  argument against is that it disempowers [TS]

  her but I want to be perfectly clear at [TS]

  least in my clan that total empowerment [TS]

  is not what I'm what I'm after [TS]

  in the case of a two-year-old like [TS]

  empowerment is a thing that you earn [TS]

  overtime as you overcome obstacles learn [TS]

  and accomplish things you become [TS]

  empowered empowerment is not a thing [TS]

  that you are born with and then that the [TS]

  parents job is to get out of the way of [TS]

  empowerment is a thing that you learned [TS]

  some of that is that you become [TS]

  empowered by knowing that you were [TS]

  disempowered or that you were that there [TS]

  were tremendous limits on what you were [TS]

  able to do any as a young person so I [TS]

  mean there are some of the shrieking [TS]

  that's happening [TS]

  some of the shrieking that necessitates [TS]

  that I carry a saber while I do this [TS]

  stuff is around this idea that i am that [TS]

  somehow by holding her on my lap I am I [TS]

  am either being a bully or I'm teaching [TS]

  her that she doesn't have autonomy or [TS]

  all these other questions and I'm like [TS]

  the first of all of the the thing in my [TS]

  family that I'm not worried about it is [TS]

  that she grows up with a sense of [TS]

  autonomy you know what i mean i'm not i [TS]

  am not particularly worried that that [TS]

  that she will be the first Roderick [TS]

  rochester in the history of time that [TS]

  isn't a total like basically a human [TS]

  monster [TS]

  we r we r who we are a threat to human [TS]

  culture not you know not not a clog in [TS]

  it's not something you I get her don't [TS]

  get in afternoon on Daddy's lap yeah [TS]

  she's not you know she's not going to be [TS]

  anything you don't have blonde hair or [TS]

  something so but all the but all these [TS]

  ideas that you know that a two-year-old [TS]

  is learning these unconscious that the [TS]

  this idea that she's not going to be [TS]

  that she's not going to feel capable [TS]

  right because her because her father [TS]

  periodically [TS]

  made no prepare for example sir [TS]

  Institute's a regime in which she will [TS]

  be that in which she will survive a [TS]

  holocaust I do not accept this logic [TS]

  energy if anybody in this family is [TS]

  because i had a dream the other night [TS]

  after this terrible hurricane in New [TS]

  York had a dream the other night that I [TS]

  was in a car that went off a bridge into [TS]

  a river and the car filled up with water [TS]

  and the baby was in the car with me and [TS]

  I had to I had to wait for the car to [TS]

  sink in order to open the door and then [TS]

  swim around get the baby out of her car [TS]

  seat under water and then get to the [TS]

  surface of what then became a raging [TS]

  torrent I was then a raging river and i [TS]

  had to have the baby hold on to me as I [TS]

  swam in what became a boundary list see [TS]

  there wasn't then there was no Shore and [TS]

  I'm swimming in this torrent and there's [TS]

  no Shore and there's nothing to hold [TS]

  onto and i'm in my dream trying to [TS]

  navigate the and I'm not a super great [TS]

  swimmer either trying to figure out a [TS]

  way that i can make us boy and enough to [TS]

  float where she can ride on my chest as [TS]

  I'm you know floating on my back and [TS]

  we're being carried in this flood raging [TS]

  flood water and this was not a good [TS]

  dream this was a terrifying dream but it [TS]

  reinforced to me that there are times [TS]

  when baby needs to hold onto daddy and [TS]

  shut the fuck up and in and I can see my [TS]

  daughter in this situation as we're [TS]

  floating down this this delusion and she [TS]

  is on my shoes on my chest and I am [TS]

  trying to keep my head above water that [TS]

  she starts saying down down daddy down [TS]

  and it must make you redouble your your [TS]

  your saber and I rattling and in this in [TS]

  the in the case of being in the delusion [TS]

  I would have to say no honey it's just [TS]

  going to sit on daddy's chest right now [TS]

  and and you know what if she grows up [TS]

  with that which i'm certain that she [TS]

  will when she becomes a strong swimmer [TS]

  you know it what I think we run into the [TS]

  harry chapin scenario i think she says [TS]

  to you know [TS]

  yeah I'm a strong swimmer swimmer you [TS]

  will hold onto me and and then you will [TS]

  be happily lovingly the beta dog for [TS]

  that situation you should learn to swim [TS]

  better that will be the moment and the [TS]

  thing is they don't know you succeeded [TS]

  in every child's life there is the [TS]

  moment where they say no dad I am no [TS]

  longer on your i'm no longer sit on your [TS]

  lab and that is the moment when it is [TS]

  that is incumbent upon me to say you're [TS]

  right and now i am old and had cats in [TS]

  the cradle and the silver spoon we have [TS]

  to fight each other [TS]

  [Music] [TS]