Roderick on the Line

Ep. 59: "Insufferabilityism"


  hello John better then ma'am that's gone [TS]

  remember when we used to do a podcast i [TS]

  think i do ya back in the eighties had I [TS]

  thought how I don't apologize you're [TS]

  eating a snickers bar getting a Snickers [TS]

  bar you know when time is of the essence [TS]

  and I this podcast in the morning [TS]

  sometimes i'm eating a morning cookie or [TS]

  a morning cake [TS]

  no I'mI'm gonna see this TV this is [TS]

  where on your time now this is night we [TS]

  are night podcasting here's the problem [TS]

  alki the new get I know Mom [TS]

  m-maybe started for listeners that I you [TS]

  know dr. the judge about whether there's [TS]

  a difference but we usually record in [TS]

  something closer to the morning my time [TS]

  but it's it's literally the middle of [TS]

  the night right now it's the middle of [TS]

  the night and we were texting yeah and [TS]

  you said yeah I'm trying to make a plan [TS]

  to podcast yeah you're like oh we could [TS]

  do it friday we could do it son thursday [TS]

  and then out of nowhere [TS]

  you said we could do it right now yeah [TS]

  i'm a child you know and I was like wow [TS]

  yeah I said were John you've been you've [TS]

  been busy than working and in your home [TS]

  I figured you would you know need some [TS]

  time to unwind and i'm home but here's [TS]

  the thing this is the thing about manic [TS]

  depression doesn't think about [TS]

  bipolarism which is that I am I have [TS]

  been working for the last month and I'm [TS]

  so wound up now i'm not talking about [TS]

  like wound up tonight i'm talking about [TS]

  i am bipolar lee i am maniacally wound [TS]

  up [TS]

  so that if you said to be right now that [TS]

  get in your car and drive to San [TS]

  Francisco I would seriously consider it [TS]

  really if you use that if somebody [TS]

  called me right now and said let's get [TS]

  married tonight [TS]

  hi i would not even need them to send me [TS]

  a picture i would say you know what [TS]

  let's go let's get married tonight [TS]

  yeah that sounds great let's start a [TS]

  band and just give me a given address [TS]

  and i'll be there [TS]

  yeah I got home last night from a month [TS]

  away [TS]

  ah i did three shows last weekend in New [TS]

  York City that were like all three of [TS]

  them crazy and then I can I got home [TS]

  last night at like ten o'clock at night [TS]

  and I was on morning television this [TS]

  morning at 9am and then I spent all day [TS]

  at rei making fake videos for people and [TS]

  then I went to christmas party and then [TS]

  I went out for drinks and I don't even [TS]

  drink [TS]

  no one knows that that's for work [TS]

  that's at how do you do that i mean now [TS]

  i'm going home and i'm looking at [TS]

  pictures of turtles on the internet food [TS]

  and it's just not enough if I mean you [TS]

  know there was a time even a few months [TS]

  ago Marilyn you know that i would have [TS]

  been looking at pictures of turtles on [TS]

  the internet would have been like a week [TS]

  for me that would have been I would've [TS]

  been done but tonight it's not enough [TS]

  not enough right Polly you know just [TS]

  apologize for the new get so let me stop [TS]

  giving something for my ears to grab [TS]

  onto i'm still working through the [TS]

  nougat who I hear you're my god this is [TS]

  fantastic John so you've been away for a [TS]

  month that's remarkable so so we want a [TS]

  coach without with jonathan is a [TS]

  retinues of the whole time [TS]

  well you know it started a month ago as [TS]

  i as i said earlier i was in I was in [TS]

  Europe with keen on their tour bus and I [TS]

  don't sleep well on tour buses because [TS]

  tour buses are a tour bus is just a [TS]

  regular bus that has had coffins install [TS]

  them [TS]

  Anna and some couches it's on coffee bus [TS]

  yeah so they take a normal buzz and they [TS]

  put they put like five circle buses in [TS]

  it and I am NOT as you know i'm not [TS]

  normally sighs and so here you are [TS]

  plus-sized and plus size so when they're [TS]

  building these when they're building a [TS]

  sarcophagus bus they say average-sized [TS]

  guy 5-foot especially in Europe you by [TS]

  Europeans each other very tailored yeah [TS]

  yeah that's right and then I think it's [TS]

  from England is that right there for me [TS]

  in blank as we say over England and they [TS]

  had and so wewe but we didn't we never [TS]

  went to two dangling we were in Scotland [TS]

  and we were in Ireland together and I [TS]

  got sick over there and I didn't sleep [TS]

  and then I flew to san francisco and i [TS]

  played neil diamond in the last waltz [TS]

  and I didn't sleep in San Francisco [TS]

  either i just lay in my expensive hotel [TS]

  bed and I sweated I just sweated if we [TS]

  like feverish I was feverish Jessa [TS]

  stress bob i did not i had a diet of I I [TS]

  had I had so much fever that a stress [TS]

  bump couldn't survive you had an [TS]

  honest-to-god according to Hoyle fever I [TS]

  was so feverish and sweaty in San [TS]

  Francisco that there were you know there [TS]

  are clubs in the castro that wouldn't [TS]

  even that wouldn't even let me come in [TS]

  there and pay fifty dollars to sweat on [TS]

  people which is as you know a big thing [TS]

  in the castro a huge yeah I mean you [TS]

  know a big hairy sweaty guy in the [TS]

  castro is usually a major draw through [TS]

  but i was so hot i was so hot i would [TS]

  have burned people's bitches bitches [TS]

  like see things where I mean like you [TS]

  know like when i get if you want to get [TS]

  a fever I like a really bad one [TS]

  yeah you know I don't say hallucinate [TS]

  but I definitely a lot of crazy thoughts [TS]

  I kept seeing eggs benedict show up in [TS]

  my hotel room and then I realized I was [TS]

  ordering it from room service [TS]

  so then I flew from San Francisco to San [TS]

  Diego where I met Jonathan Coulton his [TS]

  traveling retinue and we drove across [TS]

  the American South and his tour bus and [TS]

  then I fluted new york city and i did a [TS]

  bunch of NPR shows and I you know went [TS]

  on a further rampage and by the time I [TS]

  got back here I realized that I'm in no [TS]

  condition to be in seattle there's not [TS]

  there's not a there is no 24-hour roast [TS]

  beef sandwich depot here and i am i'm [TS]

  just sitting here now looking at turtles [TS]

  on the internet and I am Here I am I'm [TS]

  concerned so tomorrow yeah tomorrow i'm [TS]

  going i'm doing a video shoot and the [TS]

  people who are putting on the video [TS]

  shoot have promised me that there is not [TS]

  only going to be a live reindeer at this [TS]

  video shoot where i am playing Santa but [TS]

  there is also going to be a real-life [TS]

  camel and said that is enough that is [TS]

  enough for me tomorrow like that that [TS]

  that a little alone on my calendar feels [TS]

  like okay that's enough for tomorrow if [TS]

  I do you for sure that's real that part [TS]

  if I sing because I'm supposed to just [TS]

  be dressed as Santa I'm supposed to sing [TS]

  the song with the ukulele and the [TS]

  suggestion has been made that I'm going [TS]

  to sing the song to the Campbell sure [TS]

  and it's happens i'm not sure is that on [TS]

  the call sheet you hear the doubt in my [TS]

  voice but if I do I I hear you I hear [TS]

  you pausing on the word camel am [TS]

  completely and thinking is this egg's [TS]

  Benedict yeah exactly at but if it [TS]

  happens [TS]

  uh-huh tomorrow then tomorrow I'm gonna [TS]

  put a little check mark next to its not [TS]

  literally be the biggest month of your [TS]

  life yet [TS]

  and then the next day of course is my [TS]

  big day where I play Santa Claus and all [TS]

  the dirty girls common citizen and tell [TS]

  me what they tell me all the bad things [TS]

  they did and then I give them a little [TS]

  swat is it a form of Absolution in some [TS]

  ways I mean like we know look at you [TS]

  know mutually consensual absolution you [TS]

  know I've seen ICU now on twitter [TS]

  talking to my friend the next time to [TS]

  that to the prof to the American Anakin [TS]

  bra and I and I feel like now this [TS]

  concept of flagellation and [TS]

  absolution it's it's in the air now who [TS]

  we need we need to swing settle back [TS]

  down we need to stop talking to priest [TS]

  on the internet even even young hip [TS]

  crease that watch youtube videos when [TS]

  you get back to our core values Merlin [TS]

  you and me just talking without [TS]

  restarting lot of just you know what you [TS]

  need [TS]

  I'm Ashley like and they're not a big [TS]

  comic reader but like you need alcohol [TS]

  up we're only worry is a little like [TS]

  literally it's literally midnight and [TS]

  I'm so angry you for your already [TS]

  prescribing me some x-men like you know [TS]

  what you need [TS]

  here's the thing John you need not detox [TS]

  but you need some kind of a dmz you need [TS]

  to pass through some kind of his own [TS]

  you know what I mean unique because the [TS]

  thing is I'm not sure going from all of [TS]

  the madness you've been through and the [TS]

  fevers and the eggs straight back to [TS]

  your home is the best thing I mean thank [TS]

  God you know turtles are there right but [TS]

  you need to pass through some area where [TS]

  you can like burn that off right well [TS]

  this is what I'm worried about a because [TS]

  i don't want to go you know when you are [TS]

  when you are manic you don't want to go [TS]

  back to depressed know you want to stay [TS]

  and mannequins manic is great even [TS]

  though even though i'm literally sitting [TS]

  here burning the lake hair offer monthly [TS]

  like that like this job but you don't [TS]

  you don't want to put this John John you [TS]

  put this John back in a sarcophagus bus [TS]

  and you bring up plumber John again he [TS]

  was like oh all these books that I'll [TS]

  never read of all the lips I'll never [TS]

  kiss [TS]

  yeah who wants that guy around he was [TS]

  not about past to vegas it seems like [TS]

  Vegas like you go in there and it's it's [TS]

  it's an energy sink you could go to [TS]

  Vegas it's not a fun place to be [TS]

  contrary to popular opinion but you [TS]

  could go to Vegas and it could really [TS]

  take the mickey out of you you come home [TS]

  your likes your water your plants and go [TS]

  to sleep like a gentleman is Las Vegas [TS]

  the worst is though that the worst it's [TS]

  absolutely the worst and it's the worst [TS]

  in a way that I am incapable of enjoying [TS]

  them you know I enjoyed it [TS]

  terrible things yeah [TS]

  but there's nothing about Las Vegas that [TS]

  i can even I can I cannot winch myself [TS]

  into a posture where I'm enjoying myself [TS]

  how do you feel in a casino I I feel I [TS]

  feel like like there are spiders [TS]

  crawling on me feel menaced every I [TS]

  really do I feel it it will even like [TS]

  the strip club with ladies I want to [TS]

  talk to you i just feel like it's just [TS]

  it's all everyone can do to not just [TS]

  like attack me for money and and it's [TS]

  just there's the ETA we talked about [TS]

  this you know about like how all the [TS]

  slot machines and everything are like [TS]

  all tuned to see they're playing like a [TS]

  veggie ozz removing that's crazy-making [TS]

  but here's the thing for a man like you [TS]

  who who is cycling in and give a very [TS]

  bad proactive way you know that could be [TS]

  a good place to burn it off a little bit [TS]

  maybe get some shows and here's the [TS]

  problem i have too much empathy for [TS]

  desperate people and so I walk through [TS]

  the thing and I cannot take any [TS]

  enjoyment because I because everywhere I [TS]

  looked there is someone who is putting [TS]

  literally their last quarter in the [TS]

  machine who and then watching all their [TS]

  help drain away get you want to relocate [TS]

  cool and I don't and it's just it's like [TS]

  it's all over me it's all over me like [TS]

  rancid butter i can do you think you [TS]

  want to reach out to them do you want to [TS]

  like help [TS]

  well I i do but i want to help them I [TS]

  mean you know I want to help them like [TS]

  Mengele wanted to help people [TS]

  yes science like science studies science [TS]

  hey what ru signs to to put them in tubs [TS]

  like water see how cold they can get [TS]

  twins [TS]

  it's not it's not a healthy desired LLC [TS]

  which twin thrives you're saying you [TS]

  want to get out there and say look [TS]

  you're not in a good place right now [TS]

  right right i would you like to run an [TS]

  obstacle course [TS]

  listen I know you have to be getting on [TS]

  a roller coaster going on the mall I [TS]

  know emphysema how drive to go to the [TS]

  buffet with me and let's see how much [TS]

  you can eat [TS]

  I mean literally how much you can [TS]

  how bout you can actually like a seven [TS]

  type situation like so much they get you [TS]

  can really put down exactly how much of [TS]

  your body can you cut away with a knife [TS]

  right now you're not done yet salad up [TS]

  I'm and I worried for myself I want [TS]

  another Napoleon said I know when I get [TS]

  in these manic phases i start to i start [TS]

  to talk to people like I really can do [TS]

  magic real magic don't not like i was [TS]

  the original in the last three weeks [TS]

  have been talking to people like I can [TS]

  do magic and everyone so well somebody [TS]

  totally believes me and I know then I [TS]

  know that the two of us are gonna go uh [TS]

  go ride the subway together [TS]

  how does that evidence itself I mean DD [TS]

  someone who needs help they reach out to [TS]

  you or do you just you just sense that [TS]

  someone needs it needs a little bit of [TS]

  John you know hunches I'm swinging [TS]

  through life on a vine and a handset and [TS]

  and then somebody answers my monkey call [TS]

  in oh you're terrible idea why do we do [TS]

  this here I come [TS]

  yeah yeah you want a lot of Las Vegas is [TS]

  one of those things it's it's it's a [TS]

  it's difficult to describe the right Las [TS]

  Vegas is what you end up using as an [TS]

  analogy for something else because it's [TS]

  it's hard to describe like how perfectly [TS]

  awful it is in so many ways it's just [TS]

  it's the worst of everything about [TS]

  people and America the top the the best [TS]

  thing about Las Vegas is the worst best [TS]

  thing [TS]

  yeah and though and the lowest most [TS]

  degraded place in Las Vegas is the worst [TS]

  of all places like an existential [TS]

  compressor limiter yeah right exactly [TS]

  and if I mean like it is it's very [TS]

  poorly calibrated but I mean the fact [TS]

  that like you know I arrived I forget [TS]

  sometimes a low-pass filter like helpful [TS]

  all of life's highs are just eliminated [TS]

  all the Roloffs is called yeah that's [TS]

  right all you get is farting sound so [TS]

  good boy [TS]

  heavy breathing in parts the thing that [TS]

  strikes me is I i have in Las Vegas [TS]

  maybe like three times or Andrey now [TS]

  gambling locations but las vegas in [TS]

  particular you arrive there and it's [TS]

  also exciting and it's it's just so much [TS]

  going on it's like Disney World you go [TS]

  there and there's slot machines and [TS]

  everything is exciting and like the part [TS]

  that always strikes me is that like that [TS]

  there's slot machines by the terminals [TS]

  in the airport and it's like people but [TS]

  people like playing the slots and like [TS]

  the same thing that I go oh this is i [TS]

  arrived i gotta carry on i get off and [TS]

  go oh this is exciting it's Las Vegas [TS]

  people are playing slot machines and [TS]

  then i'm leaving i'm like fock it's Las [TS]

  Vegas people are playing slot machines [TS]

  it's what I mean that very same thing [TS]

  it's just it's it's it a it is to bring [TS]

  down for me like two days in Las Vegas [TS]

  and I'm ready to go [TS]

  that's it I'm done the only thing that [TS]

  interests me about Las Vegas is those [TS]

  unmarked 727 that fly out of the las [TS]

  vegas airport to area 51 seconds those [TS]

  things i'm fascinated by you know [TS]

  there's a special their special terminal [TS]

  velocity vegas airport where the [TS]

  airplanes have no exterior markings [TS]

  events such as a side note is definitely [TS]

  a thing was always gentle is a fever [TS]

  thing [TS]

  no no this is a real thing ok there they [TS]

  are jumbo jets not jumbo jets but [TS]

  they're medium-sized jets who commercial [TS]

  airliners yeah but they have no markings [TS]

  of any kind of people get on them and [TS]

  they fly into the desert because that's [TS]

  the only way you can get to area 51 they [TS]

  don't you there's no there's no they [TS]

  don't let you drive their shuttle is not [TS]

  a shuttle you don't like you don't show [TS]

  up and like show your ID card area 51 [TS]

  because area 51 doesn't exist so the [TS]

  only way you can get theirs from the las [TS]

  vegas airport and there are these [TS]

  airplanes that don't have any markings [TS]

  that just shuttle people back and forth [TS]

  to all these secret military bases in [TS]

  the Nevada desert and that fascinates me [TS]

  I will sit with binoculars and watch [TS]

  that happen also liked it as much you [TS]

  can say like what kind of credentials do [TS]

  you show to get even near one of those [TS]

  planes have who goes is shield nations [TS]

  like glucose on this [TS]

  well I have to imagine that that most of [TS]

  the people most of the people are just [TS]

  like government called [TS]

  right i mean it if they are conducting [TS]

  alien autopsies and area 51 [TS]

  they're not doing it like like in a good [TS]

  morning america situation with a window [TS]

  in Times Square they're probably doing [TS]

  it in a basement room somewhere and most [TS]

  of the other people they're just pushing [TS]

  brooms are there you know they're there [TS]

  toggling knobs are they're rewriting [TS]

  encryptions or whatever it is that [TS]

  people in secret military one this is [TS]

  the thing about government is that we go [TS]

  again we talked about the government [TS]

  like it's this big you know this big wad [TS]

  of stuff and really it's a bunch of [TS]

  people with boring jobs right by and [TS]

  large if you're not if you're not an [TS]

  operative like you're if you're an [TS]

  operative a lot of what you do is sit [TS]

  there with binoculars like waiting for [TS]

  something to change [TS]

  yeah i mean there there are people that [TS]

  live in Las Vegas the flat area 51 on a [TS]

  secret military jet and they get there [TS]

  and what they do all day is the total [TS]

  their space pen in picking between their [TS]

  fingers and they watch one gauge to make [TS]

  sure that it doesn't go into the red [TS]

  zone over there just like they're just [TS]

  dopes the regular dopes you don't worry [TS]

  three comics and so-and-so you watch you [TS]

  watch one gauge and you're saying that [TS]

  this could be an energy change it could [TS]

  be psionics hmm I you know if they are [TS]

  if they're monitoring psionics with [TS]

  gauges there are better the guy watching [TS]

  the gauge doesn't know what the gauge [TS]

  measures [TS]

  I bet they're just like don't let it go [TS]

  into the red if it doesn't hold [TS]

  deniability you bring in a gauge guy [TS]

  rather than a psionic guy exactly the [TS]

  psionic guys isn't watching the games [TS]

  back in DC and your guy was his name [TS]

  exactly God must drive you crazy you're [TS]

  sitting there and you're watching these [TS]

  unmarked planes take off the most [TS]

  traffic bananas it does it drives me [TS]

  crazy because I know out there in the [TS]

  desert they really are working on [TS]

  something i don't know what it is no [TS]

  question [TS]

  yeah they're working on something and [TS]

  the fact and the fact that it's not that [TS]

  I'm not alone and driving me crazy [TS]

  I mean it doesn't keep me up at night [TS]

  like some cooks but he's got the things [TS]

  to keep you up and you get to get us I'm [TS]

  worried that my pillows are turning into [TS]

  owls I'm not worried about secret [TS]

  airplanes so much camper this thing John [TS]

  and you like the uninstall opens las [TS]

  vegas it's already a little bit of a [TS]

  Black Swan like what why the fuck is Las [TS]

  Vegas there i guess it was a stop off [TS]

  for troops right [TS]

  because it's never like a rail line [TS]

  right and maybe you know they built that [TS]

  dam right down the road and a lot of [TS]

  there are a lot of guys coming up from [TS]

  building that damn and spending their [TS]

  money in the tent city who ever you know [TS]

  where their guys building a dam they're [TS]

  gonna be hookers [TS]

  yes that's is all that's as old as as [TS]

  Cheops 30 works you know what I mean you [TS]

  know the damn huh [TS]

  we're gonna find a hugger Sharon right [TS]

  after that there's that you know then [TS]

  there's gaming in the Gaming Commission [TS]

  kaming i love that term but here's the [TS]

  thing John nobody's going to fly into it [TS]

  desert for no reason I mean if you're [TS]

  going to if you're going to like it [TS]

  he's told us it is costly to gas up a [TS]

  plane ticket somewhere not gas but you [TS]

  know fuel plane and take it someplace [TS]

  right didn't I gasps yeah but you're not [TS]

  gonna do that just for fun if you're [TS]

  gonna make that like a regular thing [TS]

  there's a reason there's some kind of a [TS]

  process in place there and i'm just [TS]

  guessing as a man with a minus active is [TS]

  your own you must be turning that over [TS]

  in your head you're sitting there you're [TS]

  you're looking at the details magazine [TS]

  and thinking about the things that [TS]

  you're seeing here is the problem though [TS]

  I agree with you one hundred percent [TS]

  until I think about my own father who [TS]

  routinely gassed up his plane and flew [TS]

  circles in the sky for no fucking reason [TS]

  he thinks also apparently apparently he [TS]

  was just giving you know i would go up [TS]

  to them and be like what are you doing [TS]

  he's like I'm looking at the map and I'm [TS]

  like yeah i know you're looking at the [TS]

  map but why we why we 6,000 feet in the [TS]

  air was practicing know he's been flying [TS]

  since he was 27 years old he knows how [TS]

  to do it [TS]

  no he just likes to gas up the plane and [TS]

  go fly and maybe bit maybe the air [TS]

  force's the same maybe they aren't [TS]

  really running secret ops maybe they're [TS]

  just maybe they're just dicking around [TS]

  so maybe like they're playing grab-ass [TS]

  maybe the entire US Air Force just a [TS]

  game of grab-ass yes but it's a really [TS]

  strategic grass so maybe Las Vegas is a [TS]

  kind of distraction [TS]

  I mean obviously on any number of levels [TS]

  but you get everybody looking over here [TS]

  hey look over here it's a pyramid [TS]

  made out of black jack but don't look [TS]

  over here right because that's where the [TS]

  real action is [TS]

  well so okay so I so so i was pretty [TS]

  fine with I was pretty soon I was pretty [TS]

  okay with believing that whatever UFOs [TS]

  were it didn't matter i didn't care and [TS]

  I was driving down the road today i've [TS]

  been i thought you know for the last [TS]

  four years I've pretty much been okay [TS]

  with the idea that whatever UFOs are I [TS]

  don't know and I don't care I really [TS]

  don't care i don't i'm not gonna vote [TS]

  one way or the other I am I am [TS]

  reasonably convinced either way that [TS]

  either yes they are real or no they're [TS]

  not [TS]

  which is the same as how i feel about [TS]

  god i was gonna say and ask alice UFO [TS]

  wager [TS]

  yeah it's exactly they're like a fine i [TS]

  did their unidentified for a reason [TS]

  precisely like like they're there [TS]

  you know i i'm i am I going to sit in an [TS]

  airport and argue with the Hari Krishna [TS]

  about our Christian is no i'm not i'm [TS]

  just getting on with it anyway I'm [TS]

  driving down the street i'm stuck in [TS]

  traffic i'm headed to the new day [TS]

  northwest on King 5 TV and all of a [TS]

  sudden eyes I say to myself but wait a [TS]

  minute if somewhat because let me back [TS]

  let me back up a little bit when we were [TS]

  on tour we went to we went to Mission [TS]

  Control Houston [TS]

  oh yes I cool photo that and then we [TS]

  went to Mass and we went to Mission [TS]

  Control and we're walking around and [TS]

  it's all very awesome and it's like [TS]

  amazing to be there especially because [TS]

  they have they have maintained the [TS]

  Apollo era Mission Control as a kind of [TS]

  like living not issuing a shrine [TS]

  it's just a shrine it just sits there [TS]

  and you walk in and you sit down and at [TS]

  launch control and you're like okay or [TS]

  not launch control but like like you're [TS]

  sitting there where they all were for [TS]

  all for everything you're like it's just [TS]

  like it's just the same i'm pushing the [TS]

  same fucking buttons [TS]

  anyway they tourists around we see that [TS]

  we see the space station we go out and [TS]

  they they take a our friend takes us out [TS]

  to the warehouse where they have all the [TS]

  capsules the actual [TS]

  life-size mock-ups and my whole life as [TS]

  as we all have done I've said if I got [TS]

  the opportunity to be an astronaut of [TS]

  course i would be an astronaut like [TS]

  that's the best job ever [TS]

  right yeah don't you think that same [TS]

  thing oh I absolutely i mean i-i was at [TS]

  the tail end of that I think that's [TS]

  something very much started you know in [TS]

  in the in the fifties with the whole [TS]

  idea that there might be a space program [TS]

  I was at you and I were both at the tail [TS]

  end like having grown up taking photos [TS]

  of the television when Neil Armstrong [TS]

  remember that [TS]

  hey everybody everybody their family has [TS]

  photos of the television screen and it [TS]

  was absolutely the coolest thing in the [TS]

  world [TS]

  yeah amazing until you're sitting in the [TS]

  warehouse really anything i'm not [TS]

  talking about the smithsonian [TS]

  institution where you're looking at the [TS]

  capsule in the museum and you're like [TS]

  wow cool but you're at NASA and you're [TS]

  looking at the ones they used to train [TS]

  and I looked in this thing and I'm like [TS]

  holy shit it's really small to climb [TS]

  into that you would have to be in seen [TS]

  there's like there's like five things [TS]

  about it that would make me [TS]

  uncomfortable just thinking about it [TS]

  it's it wasn't like upside-down it's [TS]

  tiny and everybody bars right well and [TS]

  you're strapped onto a stick of dynamite [TS]

  and you are shot into space and about [TS]

  that trip to the moon took a week [TS]

  it took a week friendlier yes and [TS]

  they're strapped into this thing that is [TS]

  basically the size of a bookcase three [TS]

  guys strapped into a bookcase and [TS]

  optimistic diner that sounds WAY worse [TS]

  than clothes plus it is so bad and yeah [TS]

  and it's not just that they're sitting [TS]

  there and then there's a window it's [TS]

  like they're sitting there there's a [TS]

  solid steel bulkhead three inches from [TS]

  their face [TS]

  oh and they're flying in this there [TS]

  flying blind in this thing for a week [TS]

  and then they go into orbit around the [TS]

  moon and then they have to figure all [TS]

  that shit out and they get down to the [TS]

  moon which I'm sure was amazing but then [TS]

  make it back in this little this little [TS]

  tuna fish can and they fly another week [TS]

  home and i realized that i could not be [TS]

  an astronaut that none of us could be [TS]

  astronauts and that the very few people [TS]

  in the world who [TS]

  and be astronauts are a mutant race ya [TS]

  of people that have no that have no [TS]

  claustrophobia they have no fear they [TS]

  have no they have no common sense [TS]

  they're right i mean you think he's [TS]

  visiting into a stick of dynamite and [TS]

  stare at a piece of metal for a week [TS]

  takes a certain kind of crazy a certain [TS]

  kind of crazy that's right then you [TS]

  gotta want it because there's like again [TS]

  it's like it's like a DNA like a PA and [TS]

  Hollywood there's 5,000 people behind [TS]

  you who want the same job and you've got [TS]

  to be better than all of them like by an [TS]

  order of magnitude but you've got to be [TS]

  better than all of them than all of them [TS]

  of having no human characteristics [TS]

  whatsoever you can have no fight or [TS]

  flight mechanism you can or you or you [TS]

  have to be in such inside you I don't [TS]

  even believe it is kid is possible that [TS]

  they are in control of those things they [TS]

  are just without them they and and in [TS]

  that sense I think they are amazing i [TS]

  think that they are mutants the same way [TS]

  that that great athletes are or great [TS]

  you know like great they are just a kind [TS]

  of human being that is absolutely [TS]

  necessary and i'm stunned i was stunned [TS]

  to be at NASA and realize that we do not [TS]

  even these mutants we are not funding [TS]

  like there's no money for these people [TS]

  to even do the think that this amazing [TS]

  thing which is strap themselves onto a [TS]

  stick of dynamite and fly through space [TS]

  like we don't even care I don't care how [TS]

  amazing that is enough to pay them money [TS]

  and you will he walk around NASA and and [TS]

  they are really there duct-taping shit [TS]

  together then they really are it's [TS]

  hilarious but but anyway so I'm driving [TS]

  down the road today and I'm realizing [TS]

  okay if you take those if you take some [TS]

  mutants like that some mutant human [TS]

  beings and you put them in a space ship [TS]

  that flies for generations where these [TS]

  mutants are meeting with each other in [TS]

  space and their bones are losing all [TS]

  their mass and there is no light and [TS]

  they are just mutating and becoming more [TS]

  and more their day and natural selection [TS]

  is choosing [TS]

  the ideal creature for this environment [TS]

  that creature would basically look like [TS]

  these dumb aliens that stoners put on [TS]

  there on the back windows of their cars [TS]

  and grace but the grace like like and I [TS]

  started to think did we know did we [TS]

  start talking about this the these these [TS]

  a what-what aliens looked like before we [TS]

  understood that being in space reduces [TS]

  your bone mass like a at what pointed to [TS]

  one [TS]

  well is it a chicken-or-egg situation [TS]

  anyway I'm driving down the street and [TS]

  I'm realizing wait a minute i do believe [TS]

  in aliens because they look exactly like [TS]

  they would have to look uh they look [TS]

  exactly like if you took Neil Armstrong [TS]

  and oh and a female Neil Armstrong and [TS]

  we put them in space and have them have [TS]

  babies for 50 generations like any like [TS]

  a cephalopod the taste physics right and [TS]

  have stones right like like the thing [TS]

  the thing about alien when we talk about [TS]

  sending these guys to Mars these these [TS]

  mutant humans we we we devote all this [TS]

  energy two treadmills and all this all [TS]

  this extra work that we go to to keep [TS]

  these Navy jock pilots in good shape [TS]

  alright fly to Mars because we're scared [TS]

  because if they lose their bone density [TS]

  and they just sit there and stare at a [TS]

  wall but they're with their big green [TS]

  eyes they're going to a go crazy and [TS]

  they're not going to have any you get it [TS]

  look like it's almost the humanities a [TS]

  hindrance [TS]

  exactly so you don't choose Neil you [TS]

  don't choose neil armstrong to be an [TS]

  astronaut you choose neil gaiman to be [TS]

  an astronaut write a guy who already has [TS]

  no bone density now and who can sit and [TS]

  stare at a at a you know basically like [TS]

  a spot on the wall as long as it had [TS]

  some anime movie happening and he put [TS]

  him in a capsule central game and now [TS]

  you're already you're already four or [TS]

  five generations of natural selection [TS]

  closer to the greys [TS]

  then you are if you have to start with [TS]

  Neil Neil Armstrong you know what I mean [TS]

  you're doing it which is the right [TS]

  choose the right Neil exactly you don't [TS]

  pick that shit you don't jock night [TS]

  you gotta pick the one that that you [TS]

  know that has no interest in coming back [TS]

  because it isn't part of the excitement [TS]

  of this the sending a healthy hearty [TS]

  inhale human something H into space [TS]

  isn't part of it that we're sending like [TS]

  our job guys into space don't you think [TS]

  is that part of why they got behind it [TS]

  is that we're gonna send this specimen [TS]

  out there and unlike poor little ham [TS]

  we're actually gonna bring this guy back [TS]

  yeah because you know we can bring this [TS]

  monkeys back they didn't come back [TS]

  intact leave me and they're like guys [TS]

  alright like a well he wasn't a monkey [TS]

  bohemian is a basic block monkey right [TS]

  yeah dog Mickey maybe I maybe I used too [TS]

  many monkeys [TS]

  ha ha ha noi but the point is I think [TS]

  maybe that in the fifties we had this we [TS]

  still were worshiping these crew-cut [TS]

  jocks but we don't worship them anymore [TS]

  now we're worshiping all these nebbishy [TS]

  a spindly little twerps food and maybe [TS]

  maybe astrid y gastón 4chan cinema [TS]

  yeah right yeah I'm saying send moot [TS]

  into space and give him please you know [TS]

  give him some kind of like a computer [TS]

  puzzle give him give him a [TS]

  four-dimensional Rubik's Cube and say [TS]

  you know say once a day you can jack off [TS]

  and and in six months you'll be a Mars [TS]

  and they'd be like cool cool brah food [TS]

  you know we would need to put any [TS]

  treadmills on there [TS]

  yeah extra weight I mean the weight is [TS]

  critical [TS]

  weight is critical to these guys and a [TS]

  half those guys on 4chan are already [TS]

  drinking their own piss [TS]

  you don't even have to filter it but [TS]

  I don't know I just you know what I [TS]

  don't need in my life right now [TS]

  particularly being in a manic phase is [TS]

  to start believing in aliens again and [TS]

  then worrying whenever there's a raccoon [TS]

  on my roof that it's just an alien in [TS]

  disguise it's really as simple as [TS]

  believing in aliens it's a question of [TS]

  like are you thinking more MSA it seems [TS]

  like it you know we we have to believe [TS]

  there's aliens we would have to be just [TS]

  so monumentally self-involved to aliens [TS]

  I mean that such a silly term any course [TS]

  of course we believe in them there's got [TS]

  to be other stuff out there but are they [TS]

  are they coming and scratching on my [TS]

  roof [TS]

  what's what's the role and why are they [TS]

  getting in where they getting into your [TS]

  barn [TS]

  yeah are they disguising themselves as [TS]

  owls and then not understanding how owls [TS]

  behave enough that they come into my [TS]

  room and become a GG and pretend to be [TS]

  pilon I know what exactly they are there [TS]

  as we're not classic that is classic [TS]

  alien behavior because I mean you think [TS]

  about like you go to any planet for okay [TS]

  first of all how's your Mandarin be mine [TS]

  but yeah but yeah mine too [TS]

  so when people like all the people in my [TS]

  neighborhood they don't speak very good [TS]

  you know what you know what they speak [TS]

  pretty good English compared to how I [TS]

  speak Mandarin and Cantonese I'm just [TS]

  saying confusing a barn with the pillow [TS]

  is pretty good for somebody's from [TS]

  another dimension right right exactly [TS]

  like they're there looking down there [TS]

  like all vowels yes that's good we yeah [TS]

  okay good let's discuss our wise and [TS]

  green comfort i won't be a pillow [TS]

  yes we will be owls that is a good plan [TS]

  and then somebody's like well how are we [TS]

  going to get in and watch watch this [TS]

  John Rother to make sure that he's the [TS]

  emissary yeah but to the humans that we [TS]

  that we that we think he is preventing [TS]

  him it's like well let's so let's just [TS]

  get let's just get right in bed with [TS]

  them [TS]

  well this is well trodden from the [TS]

  things like you know the right stuff and [TS]

  whatnot but what's amazing about what [TS]

  you're describing is they did any of it [TS]

  succeeded I mean because these were [TS]

  basically guys who wanted to drive fast [TS]

  cars you've got to drive fast [TS]

  what planes yeah I you know different [TS]

  kinds of airplanes and super super fast [TS]

  planes but I mean if you think about it [TS]

  it's not really it's amazing how quickly [TS]

  we went from like a thing that moves [TS]

  pretty fast on wheels across the ground [TS]

  to a thing that moves alarmingly [TS]

  dangerously fast across the Terran sky [TS]

  to like now we're going to the fucking [TS]

  moon [TS]

  it's amazing you could do that 40 years [TS]

  well if you look at those Saturn five [TS]

  rockets which i did at bit in [TS]

  excruciating detail when i was at this [TS]

  place [TS]

  they are you know you think about like [TS]

  the way they make a Ford f-150 they have [TS]

  machines that stamp out these ford f150 [TS]

  fenders because they're making a million [TS]

  f-150 is this year and every every f-150 [TS]

  right front fender is the same but they [TS]

  did not make that many Saturn five [TS]

  rockets and if they did [TS]

  there's no machine big enough to stamp [TS]

  the you know one quarter of the big part [TS]

  of a sudden Saturn five rocket so you [TS]

  look at these things and you realize [TS]

  they are hand-hammered they are bespoke [TS]

  item starting Santa rocket it is an art [TS]

  of fucking single rocket to these guys [TS]

  it's there it's really it's truly built [TS]

  to purpose [TS]

  yeah there were guys in white [TS]

  short-sleeved button down shirts with 15 [TS]

  pens and a slide rule in the front [TS]

  pocket who sat with a rubber mallet and [TS]

  banged this rocket together [TS]

  and it's just and you look at here like [TS]

  Jesus Christ that anybody thought that [TS]

  you could like this thing on fire and go [TS]

  to the moon that that that way and come [TS]

  back that's that that's the crazy part [TS]

  of what do you think is in part of it [TS]

  the coming back that's crazy i think so [TS]

  you can attach dynamite to anything and [TS]

  send it somewhere but for it to come [TS]

  back and be able to hug it skids is [TS]

  still to this day completely [TS]

  mind-blowing it's astonishing everything [TS]

  because we're already fragile i mean as [TS]

  as as you know as organic life-forms go [TS]

  we're pretty fragile it doesn't take [TS]

  that much to really fuck us up [TS]

  yeah and and you know and in you know i [TS]

  have two regrets in life I wish I [TS]

  learned to draw and I wish I had learned [TS]

  enough about physics to be able to in [TS]

  math to take engineering classes because [TS]

  that's that's the thing is like somebody [TS]

  is all we send somebody to the moon and [TS]

  you imagine not you but but you know [TS]

  laypersons imagine a virtual slingshot [TS]

  where you shoot this piece of metal and [TS]

  a big stone in the sky its it's so much [TS]

  more complicated than that because [TS]

  that's moving everything's moving it's [TS]

  moving right and and then you get the [TS]

  Sun is moving around the center of our [TS]

  fucking universe there's no tellin a [TS]

  what what he got in there there's no [TS]

  there's no there everything's moving and [TS]

  everything is degrading like this is [TS]

  where entropy starts to be a dick [TS]

  because you have to account for all of [TS]

  these things like what goes wrong if we [TS]

  lose these tiles we get there [TS]

  this happens these redundancies opinion [TS]

  and every single thing paper every gay [TS]

  precisely and and everything that you [TS]

  add in terms of what weight drag [TS]

  anything anything you add you have to [TS]

  account for its like I've never taken [TS]

  calculus but this must be like the most [TS]

  tricked-out calculus in the world to [TS]

  figure out how to account for getting a [TS]

  hundred eighty pound man to a celestial [TS]

  body and bring it back in one piece [TS]

  well and I think you bring up arrays the [TS]

  most fascinating idea [TS]

  which is how much easier would it have [TS]

  been in 1957 in 1961 to say listen on [TS]

  behalf of humanity we need to send a man [TS]

  to the moon [TS]

  there's no way he's ever gonna make it [TS]

  back but we need to do this [TS]

  the man is going to go to the moon and [TS]

  he's gonna talk to us on the radio hour [TS]

  and I said he's not coming back send a [TS]

  criminal or or not or or maybe send the [TS]

  greatest american hero but we will all [TS]

  stand there with our we will stand up in [TS]

  front of our televisions saluting the TV [TS]

  as our astronauts dies on the moon [TS]

  yeah like when you think about 20 years [TS]

  before during World War Two we were we [TS]

  as human race Stalin and Hitler were [TS]

  murdering millions of people and burying [TS]

  them in shallow graves that 20 years [TS]

  later we would we would consider that [TS]

  bringing this one guy back from space [TS]

  and landing him on the ground safely was [TS]

  of paramount importance you know like at [TS]

  what point did they [TS]

  because you know the Soviets sent a lot [TS]

  of guys into space that we never heard [TS]

  about that never came back right or if [TS]

  they didn't i'm fucking surprised you [TS]

  know like they said that dog up there [TS]

  and nobody that mean that was just like [TS]

  hardy-har right but but if it had not [TS]

  been for America [TS]

  I wonder whether the whether the [TS]

  Russians would have an alibi the [TS]

  Russians I mean the Soviets whether they [TS]

  would have with whether they would have [TS]

  pursued a moon program or even the Nazis [TS]

  pursuit of moon program where the first [TS]

  10 missions were suicide missions right [TS]

  they got the Alger affect you heard that [TS]

  term know it's it's a fascinating idea a [TS]

  little bit rathole but you know there's [TS]

  this part of the whole turns out culture [TS]

  of you know the increasing need to [TS]

  publish something interests [TS]

  thing especially in social psychology is [TS]

  its leading to more and more of what the [TS]

  color file drawer effect which is you go [TS]

  out and you do some research and every [TS]

  time you don't get the result you want [TS]

  you kind of quietly move it aside until [TS]

  you get the result that you wanted right [TS]

  and so the Russians I mean you know and [TS]

  again it's like some kind of an advanced [TS]

  card trick [TS]

  we're like a cold reading we're like you [TS]

  can get something right as long as you [TS]

  kind of forget about all the stuff you [TS]

  write you know right right you don't [TS]

  like it's fine don't worry about that [TS]

  well you think about I mean the the the [TS]

  the Soviet Army systematically decimated [TS]

  the entire polish officer corps kill [TS]

  them all like the greatest minds of [TS]

  Poland the most elegant aristocratic man [TS]

  of Poland all gone in a in like a poof [TS]

  well think about all the potential [TS]

  astronauts right right that although [TS]

  always all these men that that only 15 [TS]

  years later you know they're spending [TS]

  hundreds of millions of dollars hundreds [TS]

  of trillions of rubles to get these guys [TS]

  back on earth you know and life human [TS]

  life was worth so much less 15 years [TS]

  before right [TS]

  it's a it was a it was a some kind and I [TS]

  wonder whether that moral leap was in [TS]

  response to World War One World War two [TS]

  like like somehow we have to [TS]

  re-establish the value of human life [TS]

  somehow [TS]

  yes yes alongside the superiority of the [TS]

  American know-how right i mean think [TS]

  about what would that be probably 15-20 [TS]

  years before the for the third time the [TS]

  eldest Kennedy brother like that why the [TS]

  thought would you send him up and in [TS]

  that tarted-up plane and have him blow [TS]

  up [TS]

  I mean the idea of losing part of the [TS]

  American you know on money stock recei [TS]

  in this in this crazy plane accident you [TS]

  know what I mean yeah I do like how [TS]

  wasteful is that [TS]

  but a part of it is also i mean i guess [TS]

  part of the Cold War yeah you're right i [TS]

  mean showing that we are able to do that [TS]

  I just just blows me away so use on no [TS]

  signs at all that it said that it didn't [TS]

  happen [TS]

  you're pretty sure it happened the moon [TS]

  landing yeah I'm pretty sure it happened [TS]

  okay [TS]

  hi I'm pretty sure it happened is that [TS]

  really is that what they told you to say [TS]

  I really am [TS]

  there's you know who I I know how hard [TS]

  it is [TS]

  listen if you I know how hard it is just [TS]

  to keep it a secret that you're sleeping [TS]

  with your friend's wife [TS]

  yes and that doesn't involve any [TS]

  technology at all [TS]

  it's complicated you know you get up you [TS]

  get a bunch of people you get a bunch of [TS]

  guys who are watching gauges you get a [TS]

  bunch of guys with mustaches short white [TS]

  t-shirt surfer short-sleeved white [TS]

  button-down shirts they're all [TS]

  yeah they're all making everybody [TS]

  smoking everybody smoke and they got [TS]

  slide rules out there scribbling on on [TS]

  pads and and and you're gonna hear and [TS]

  you're gonna fake the moon landing and [TS]

  nobody's ever going to say it before [TS]

  Facebook I don't know you see the link i [TS]

  sent you to do send me link [TS]

  yeah probably seen this but is it is it [TS]

  is it some transsexual porn maybe it's [TS]

  ham the monkey porn on in event of moon [TS]

  disaster [TS]

  yeah but read it read the first [TS]

  paragraph there in July eighteenth of [TS]

  1969 as the world waited anxiously for [TS]

  Apollo 11 to land safely on the surface [TS]

  of the Moon speech writer William Safire [TS]

  imagine the worst case scenario i have [TS]

  read this [TS]

  yeah that's basically sapphire route for [TS]

  mixing to read well yeah we were I mean [TS]

  like let's be honest these guys are [TS]

  coming back right that's monkey balls [TS]

  it's crazy to think that these guys we [TS]

  know how insane it is for all of these [TS]

  yeah it has ordained that the men who [TS]

  went to the moon to exploring piece will [TS]

  stay on the moon to rest in peace to get [TS]

  it's great and it's and it's touching [TS]

  and you know you know they expected [TS]

  it that these guys would would perish up [TS]

  there there's no consistent note at the [TS]

  bottom [TS]

  prior to the president's statement the [TS]

  president should telephone each of the [TS]

  windows to be after the president's [TS]

  statement at the point when NASA and [TS]

  communications with the men a clergyman [TS]

  should adopt the same procedure as a [TS]

  burial at sea commanding their souls to [TS]

  quote the deepest of the deep unquote [TS]

  concluding with the Lord's / and so with [TS]

  windows to be what he's saying is they [TS]

  are alive they are on the moon and we [TS]

  are basically just waiting for their air [TS]

  to run out [TS]

  yeah you got a real serious David belly [TS]

  type situation huh [TS]

  it's just it's so thin that suck [TS]

  it's so like well I mean we're gonna do [TS]

  you gonna hit another golf ball [TS]

  god I think some more snapshots you know [TS]

  what I'm gonna move the flag [TS]

  I'll turn upside down to be a dick let's [TS]

  let's run this moon rover see what she [TS]

  can see what this baby can do really [TS]

  really really open her up [TS]

  I don't start a whole thing but then [TS]

  isn't it kind of equally amazing that [TS]

  within like 10 years of that I guess for [TS]

  the space shuttle at that point but I [TS]

  mean it didn't take that long for us to [TS]

  lose our zest for this amazing [TS]

  accomplishment that we come up with [TS]

  arguably one of the greatest things that [TS]

  humanity had ever done [TS]

  yeah but you think I mean we've done [TS]

  some pretty easy using stuff i mean [TS]

  setting aside benjamin franklin there's [TS]

  some amazing things that people have [TS]

  managed to do but this is 444 Kennedy to [TS]

  get up there in whatever that was 1961 [TS]

  to get up there and say you think even [TS]

  though i have no real basis for saying [TS]

  this I should have made some calls [TS]

  we're going to have a man on the moon by [TS]

  the end of the decade and you know there [TS]

  were so many guys in white button down [TS]

  short sleeve shirts shitting themselves [TS]

  and their pencils go say whether that 14 [TS]

  more well at lot of pencils and slide [TS]

  rules we have I mean I would argue that [TS]

  that putting people on the moon and [TS]

  bringing them home safely [TS]

  beats all the art made after 1902 [TS]

  through teaching 1707 maybe anyway yeah [TS]

  alright 1908 let's go on making 1000 [TS]

  let's say all the arts and architecture [TS]

  Casso in there i don't have turned 19 [TS]

  you know what who the moon [TS]

  you know what i'll trade you a Rothko i [TS]

  will show you a fucking Rothko for a [TS]

  grown man on the moon who comes home any [TS]

  day i will put a grown man on the moon [TS]

  against all Rothko's ok together beyond [TS]

  PB take that up against the Duchamp all [TS]

  of it [TS]

  who and this is what I'm saying these [TS]

  guys now are working down there in [TS]

  Houston which is you know already kind [TS]

  of that's a toilet [TS]

  no she live in Houston come on come on [TS]

  really that's the best we can do [TS]

  Jesus because he says biggest constant [TS]

  they're the biggest consolation is [TS]

  dallas that's really the only thing [TS]

  that's worse right [TS]

  I've heard he's pretty bad oh well I [TS]

  mean Dallas has its charms studios in [TS]

  houston and are just actively like i [TS]

  don't know why i'm in houston [TS]

  there's a lot to not know about why [TS]

  you're in houston but there are some you [TS]

  can have some like for instance right [TS]

  now in the middle of winter in Houston [TS]

  people are sitting outside having dinner [TS]

  and there's a warm breeze [TS]

  it's not too humid houston in december [TS]

  is like pretty nice place food enjoying [TS]

  velcro and hang soon a span you see me [TS]

  in August is is really like being inside [TS]

  a dog's ass like there's no it's like [TS]

  being in a mouth [TS]

  it's like are you there goddamn mouth [TS]

  huh i live in a closed maps us sound [TS]

  good [TS]

  it seems today the bed most of Texas is [TS]

  because of what the Alamo and oil right [TS]

  there's a lot of oil oil related to [TS]

  geography and then you have to throw [TS]

  some very beautiful landscapes in Texas [TS]

  you know here's the weird thing if [TS]

  you're driving across Spain if you drive [TS]

  from barcelona to madrid you realize why [TS]

  this [TS]

  banish thought Texas was a paradise [TS]

  Texas looks like a you know looks like [TS]

  the it basically it looks like la mancha [TS]

  except kind of nicer it [TS]

  arrivals what's wrong with Spain nothing [TS]

  wrong with that it's just dry red earth [TS]

  with a bunch of mesas and you kind of [TS]

  scratch out a scratch out an existence [TS]

  in a rough-draft first growing you know [TS]

  go on olives and wine [TS]

  I mean that there's no like there's no [TS]

  monkeys living in Spain except those [TS]

  ones down in Gibraltar and who knows how [TS]

  they got there [TS]

  it's not like it's not like Spain is [TS]

  lush 50 acorns tightness that it looks [TS]

  like Texas and the Spanish landed in [TS]

  Texas and they were like oh fuck yes we [TS]

  get it [TS]

  Southern California to you know that [TS]

  there's a reason that the Spanish did [TS]

  not land in seattle and say let's build [TS]

  some missions see me can't get a decent [TS]

  drink at a strip club there have you [TS]

  have you been eating what you're eating [TS]

  than like lately have you been trying to [TS]

  eat regularly you know I've lost I've [TS]

  lost 20 pounds because I because when I [TS]

  mannequin forget to eat 20 pounds of [TS]

  what if John had 20 pounds of all that [TS]

  extra John that wasn't doing anything [TS]

  was just sitting around [TS]

  isn't that a good Lasser a troubling us [TS]

  who knows you can't poop on the bus at [TS]

  all [TS]

  you can't you know no mud pickles so we [TS]

  have to wait you have to wait to poop [TS]

  but you like that you you like you like [TS]

  gab having to hold off my way to poop [TS]

  now you know i think i think those [TS]

  people those people that have to poop [TS]

  now [TS]

  yeah they're not going to make it look [TS]

  but they're not going to survive [TS]

  now what about supertrain can you let [TS]

  pickle on supertrain oh absolutely i [TS]

  mean like this is your personal quarters [TS]

  coupon supertrain that poop goes [TS]

  immediately in to the mechanism is all [TS]

  of it [TS]

  again and all of the all of the the [TS]

  essential minerals and and the useful [TS]

  cooking oil are taken out of the poop [TS]

  and all that's left is a little pile of [TS]

  carbon and some trace its of silver [TS]

  Mercury golden iodine we're not gonna [TS]

  throw that corner away [TS]

  absolutely not with the corner weekend [TS]

  we can use that the corn goes to feed [TS]

  the pigs that are on the back car of [TS]

  super train that are making delicious [TS]

  bacon for us it's already I it was not [TS]

  until this moment like literally in the [TS]

  middle of the night that it occurred to [TS]

  me that super training is more than a [TS]

  totalitarian solution it's an ecosystem [TS]

  it absolutely right i mean it's it's [TS]

  it's sad that you know what is it tell [TS]

  woman says those the soul is [TS]

  self-satisfying like you've gotta train [TS]

  is going to fucking take care of itself [TS]

  and you better believe brother it is [TS]

  going to take care of you [TS]

  that's right thing is super train is an [TS]

  ecosystem it is a guy a bomb it is also [TS]

  an elaborate revenge fantasy for example [TS]

  of God is there any place for the for [TS]

  the brother you think what you are you [TS]

  talking about the priest we don't down [TS]

  the great job of the black man because [TS]

  but no know about memento mori right you [TS]

  know about the idea that like there's [TS]

  the guy i forget which where this [TS]

  happened but the idea of the guy who [TS]

  stands next to the king right he stands [TS]

  networking and it is all day long and [TS]

  says what like your mortal your mortal [TS]

  your moral memento mori remember that [TS]

  you are going to die right so you need a [TS]

  court jester like would it be useful [TS]

  I'm just saying for the sake of argument [TS]

  that's your train you like if you were [TS]

  to take this guy from the east bay who [TS]

  apparently i'm gonna have beer with now [TS]

  if you were to take him and make him [TS]

  somehow part of the supertrain system [TS]

  what is the role of the brother for you [TS]

  because it seems to me that that he [TS]

  might be useful to you as a kind of as a [TS]

  kind of moral check for as a kind of got [TS]

  it I got as many consigliere Azaz I can [TS]

  handle it if you have a wartime [TS]

  consigliere every single you know i just [TS]

  got off of a tour and every single town [TS]

  I went into there were 40 guys lining up [TS]

  offering their services [TS]

  as like night errands for super train [TS]

  for real [TS]

  oh yeah there John has gone viral is [TS]

  something where people aware of how [TS]

  important this is going to be [TS]

  approaching you I mean I that are they [TS]

  are they are they are they they're [TS]

  speaking when you when you go places and [TS]

  make personal appearances and play [TS]

  professional music they're approaching [TS]

  you and saying look it's easy i'm [TS]

  unfamiliar super train like I need this [TS]

  I need to make sure i have a birth it [TS]

  isn't even that people are approaching [TS]

  me and they are they basically have a [TS]

  small bag already under their arm not [TS]

  already packed in the car under their [TS]

  arm anticipating that maybe we're [TS]

  leaving now I'm like you know what I'm [TS]

  doing right now i'm selling t-shirts [TS]

  after my rock concert we are not leaving [TS]

  tonight and they're like they're not [TS]

  disappointed they feel like okay I you [TS]

  know I knew i knew i would I knew that [TS]

  when super train leaves is not of things [TS]

  you can see this isn't it will come like [TS]

  a thief in the night [TS]

  it's a good size from the Bible but down [TS]

  but but that's the other side of super [TS]

  train is like you can prepare all you [TS]

  want but you'll never really be ready [TS]

  yeah well that's exactly right you're [TS]

  not ready just becomes and you go huh [TS]

  yeah yeah it's you that I gather he [TS]

  seems pretty cool [TS]

  the thing about the thing about the [TS]

  Dominican brother is a Dominican I saw [TS]

  some letters after his name that I [TS]

  didn't recognize i have you verified [TS]

  with the authorities an actual mark any [TS]

  bacon say BR in front of their name you [TS]

  know that's true because his brother [TS]

  John I believe that he is i believe that [TS]

  he is what we what we call the a black [TS]

  friar but it may it may be that he is [TS]

  amazing it's like an anti palin up I I I [TS]

  you know I don't we may be a Benedictine [TS]

  I don't think so though he doesn't talk [TS]

  like one [TS]

  I know what the fuck's up at the sky but [TS]

  anyway I you know the thing is like for [TS]

  instance one of my good friends from [TS]

  high school is a he ended up ended up [TS]

  going to becoming a lawyer he clerked [TS]

  for Rehnquist this guy and now he [TS]

  teaches law at UH at Notre Dame [TS]

  and he is what we call a Catholic legal [TS]

  scholar he talks about the law he talks [TS]

  about American law but through the lens [TS]

  of Catholicism so he is interested in [TS]

  the moral implications of American law [TS]

  from a Catholic perspective and he is a [TS]

  constant check on me because he sends me [TS]

  emails and he is a pompous ass and he he [TS]

  delights in arguing with me because he [TS]

  is that you know he has been an arguer [TS]

  his entire life [TS]

  he was an arguer when he was 15 he was [TS]

  an arguer when he was a Duke he was an [TS]

  arguer when he was a fucking road [TS]

  Scholar this and then he went to Yale [TS]

  Law and argued there and then he went [TS]

  went to the Supreme Court as a clerk and [TS]

  I just everything about him makes me a [TS]

  sip a castrating the fact that he walks [TS]

  the land still yeah makes me mad and the [TS]

  fact that he writes me that he writes me [TS]

  contemptuously and describes all the [TS]

  ways in which i am wrong her wedding [TS]

  that he is wrong is it is a constant [TS]

  thorn in my shoe that that he exists at [TS]

  all and that not only that he exists but [TS]

  that he will one day probably get a [TS]

  pointed to something by somebody he will [TS]

  probably end up on the bench somewhere [TS]

  now as you know I want to be a retired [TS]

  senator and retired general yes the army [TS]

  and a retired head of the CIA but [TS]

  there's there's one thing that really [TS]

  beats all that and that is being on the [TS]

  bench all the mayor your it last word on [TS]

  the bench [TS]

  whoo there you are on the bench and you [TS]

  are there forever and one day this is [TS]

  going to happen to this friend of mine [TS]

  who is a constant thorn machines [TS]

  sufferable he is going to get appointed [TS]

  to the federal judiciary and then i'm [TS]

  going to wherever I am I'm going to feel [TS]

  it first of all it's going to be a [TS]

  ripple i'm probably gonna be sitting in [TS]

  a bathtub somewhere in Hungary and [TS]

  there's gonna be a ripple across the [TS]

  surface of the water no matter what was [TS]

  that [TS]

  and it's that it's that this friend of [TS]

  mine got appointed to the federal bench [TS]

  and when it happens I just I just I have [TS]

  no have no context for for how I'm going [TS]

  to react because then he will be [TS]

  enshrined he will be ensconced he will [TS]

  be in all of the things he's gonna is [TS]

  going to paint him he will probably be [TS]

  engraved his name will be engraved in [TS]

  things stadiums will be named after him [TS]

  maybe fellowships fellowships video [TS]

  about maybe a fellowship let's hold off [TS]

  on stadiums but you're telling me you [TS]

  tell me that did that like you're in the [TS]

  Supreme Court you get a stadium named [TS]

  after you [TS]

  maybe a little league stadium maybe you [TS]

  know what you know maybe like yeah maybe [TS]

  some kind of maybe like a horse ring [TS]

  where but I anyway this is that this is [TS]

  the thing that torments I'm sorry that [TS]

  must dog you [TS]

  it does it does ude percent a lot of [TS]

  accomplished people receiving [TS]

  appear at one point you thought this is [TS]

  a fair horse race meeting at one point [TS]

  sorry um he was it we were we were peers [TS]

  who and and part of you know part of [TS]

  being peers involved us each thinking [TS]

  that the other one was less intelligent [TS]

  and less useful to the world critical [TS]

  now but now he has done all the things [TS]

  he has done all of the things that you [TS]

  do in our culture to indicate that you [TS]

  are [TS]

  he has a he has accomplished all the [TS]

  accomplishments and then one day he will [TS]

  get the final accomplishment which is [TS]

  that he will get this appointment an [TS]

  appointment mind you he does not run he [TS]

  does not beg for your for your vote [TS]

  you're pathetic electorate it's it [TS]

  really as close as we get to Europe [TS]

  write some somebody comes in and there's [TS]

  a lot of hand waving and there's some [TS]

  some some incest gets it gets [TS]

  some some incest gets it gets [TS]

  just spread around right and and that's [TS]

  why they call it right the way through [TS]

  some incense the centuries of what are [TS]

  called and then and then and then you [TS]

  get a robe you get a robe you show up [TS]

  and then you've got a fucking job you're [TS]

  like you you're the Pope of Justice you [TS]

  make law now it's not that you make law [TS]

  because that's what the college is [TS]

  bigger than that buddy [TS]

  that's right get the arbiter you judge a [TS]

  fucking judge judge designer and you [TS]

  judge you judge it based on your on your [TS]

  conscience and on the laws you [TS]

  understand it you hope I mean talk about [TS]

  business carriage of Justice John this [TS]

  guy this friend of mine this recursive [TS]

  friend of mine this Achilles heel of [TS]

  mine will sit there and judge based on [TS]

  his understanding of the law and his own [TS]

  conscience as filtered through a [TS]

  lifetime of Catholicism in Yale and yale [TS]

  ism & Rhodes Scholar ism and [TS]

  insufferable ility ism and I have to sit [TS]

  here and take it [TS]

  I have to sit here and look like legally [TS]

  I have to sit here and look at my [TS]

  collection [TS]

  perhaps and i have to say [TS]

  mhm nice collection of hats guy is it is [TS]

  it partly could feel your influence [TS]

  day-by-day waning that that maybe by the [TS]

  time he's on the bench that maybe the [TS]

  the effect that you can have by like [TS]

  jabbing at him [TS]

  it's not going to be quite as pointed as [TS]

  it would have been 20 years ago [TS]

  well because as you know at when you [TS]

  reach our age you the mind becomes to [TS]

  atrophy [TS]

  yeah like we are losing our acuity with [TS]

  you know leaps and bounds we are my [TS]

  mental plasticity is like the greatest [TS]

  generation which is to say that that [TS]

  everyday half of it dies [TS]

  yeah every passing day half of my [TS]

  elasticity goes away just as World War [TS]

  two veterans are dying fifty percent [TS]

  every day depressing it's terrible and [TS]

  so and this is also happening to my [TS]

  friend and so get that he is a fucking [TS]

  rope [TS]

  yeah he gets a robe and gets to sit up [TS]

  there with his like calcified you listen [TS]

  to fucking Nina Totenberg read what [TS]

  those people are saying they're not [TS]

  super duper break and no they're not [TS]

  and they've definitely got a fucking [TS]

  agenda they definitely do so frustrating [TS]

  to me that like they're up there you [TS]

  know like the big boss of the level and [TS]

  like they're actually I mean like Rhodes [TS]

  Scholar good for you i'm glad you got to [TS]

  travel but like a slap on the ass but I [TS]

  mean no offense I don't work ping pong [TS]

  but I mean come on Clarence Thomas I [TS]

  mean really well wait a minute now [TS]

  Clarence Thomas's yeah is jenny is [TS]

  genuinely yeah he needs to take care and [TS]

  cook when he sees it is genuinely a [TS]

  fucking tool but you know and the funny [TS]

  thing is my dad's best friend was a [TS]

  federal judge who also happened to be an [TS]

  african-american person by the name of [TS]

  Jack Tanner judge jack dinner my [TS]

  father's best friend my father's best [TS]

  friend since the first day of law school [TS]

  in 1940 fuck-all whatever-it-was 1949 [TS]

  Jack Tanner and my dad were inseparable [TS]

  for I can't even count how many years [TS]

  you know 60-plus years they were best [TS]

  friends and at a certain point in the [TS]

  mid-seventies Jack Tanner Tanner who [TS]

  went to the rumble in the jungle without [TS]

  tying so tired Kelly exile the indian [TS]

  chief of the puyallup indian tribe he [TS]

  sataya command Jack tanner [TS]

  flew to the rumble in the jungle it's [TS]

  not that Muhammad Ali fight [TS]

  yes no shit with two brown paper sacks [TS]

  full of money that they that they [TS]

  somehow got through hired Tanner was his [TS]

  lawyer and satanic and was on the run [TS]

  from some kind of like Federals to [TS]

  showdown with the federal cops he was [TS]

  gay he was running gambling and [TS]

  cigarette he was running a cigarette [TS]

  racket or something like that and they [TS]

  threw as much money as they could put [TS]

  into grocery bags and flew to Africa to [TS]

  see this boxing match they're gone for a [TS]

  year huh [TS]

  and somehow and they got into the [TS]

  Emerald trade at some point in Thailand [TS]

  none of these stories ever made sense i [TS]

  heard in my whole life none of this [TS]

  makes it is it never made any sense at [TS]

  all they have these they had there's [TS]

  money in the description to suffer that [TS]

  its attack them was like like a 6-foot [TS]

  for indian chief from puyallup injector [TS]

  was a five foot four black guy who was [TS]

  like his his attorney [TS]

  it's like a it's like it makes hunter s [TS]

  thompson that's gonna say it sounds like [TS]

  a blaxploitation version of hundreds [TS]

  it doesn't make any sense at all and [TS]

  Tanner would say like oh yeah we were in [TS]

  Thailand it was you know right during [TS]

  the end of the Vietnam War and they're [TS]

  all these guys selling emeralds and so [TS]

  we traded one of the bags of money for a [TS]

  for a bag of emeralds but then somebody [TS]

  worked us out of it in a you know in [TS]

  some kind of like a singapore whorehouse [TS]

  whatever and you're just listening to [TS]

  these stories like what are you fucking [TS]

  talking about but then he came back to [TS]

  America and jimmy carter appointed him [TS]

  to the federal bench jimmy carter [TS]

  appointed him to the federal bench [TS]

  because he was record because Tanner was [TS]

  recommended by the US senator from [TS]

  Washington State and the rest of my [TS]

  dad's life he had to suffer the fact [TS]

  that this guy his best friend who had [TS]

  who was a absolute living maniac a [TS]

  pathological liar and also like somebody [TS]

  who legitimately did [TS]

  get into the Emerald trade in thailand [TS]

  as far as i can tell that he was now a [TS]

  federal judge he was a federal judge and [TS]

  they would meet four times a week for [TS]

  Chinese food anytime they would get into [TS]

  an argument [TS]

  Tanner would just he would just give my [TS]

  dad all the line in the world and my dad [TS]

  would just work himself out into this [TS]

  thing and then eventually 10 would be [TS]

  like well David I mean I'm a federal [TS]

  judge [TS]

  oh come off oh so you know you don't [TS]

  know what the fuck you're talking about [TS]

  fucking clue counselor that what the [TS]

  fuck yeah it was there there was the [TS]

  game they played that game for 35 more [TS]

  years from know how did you handle that [TS]

  I mean I'm not well you did not handle [TS]

  it well my dad was in a constant state [TS]

  of furious agitation and you saw that [TS]

  you had to live with that I had to sit [TS]

  at the table and listen to listen to [TS]

  these two guys go at it and and and you [TS]

  know Tanner 10 their tone tone stories [TS]

  about World War two [TS]

  neither one of them ever did a goddamn [TS]

  thing [TS]

  Tanner his job in world war two he was [TS]

  some like five stripes sergeant his job [TS]

  was to drive those landing craft like he [TS]

  was driving in fitness landing craft [TS]

  into into majima my dad was flying [TS]

  overhead you know spilling coffee on him [TS]

  on his pants and it was a long series [TS]

  with the 45 that they would argue about [TS]

  world war two until the cows came home [TS]

  and I would sit there at the table and [TS]

  I'd be like neither one of you knows a [TS]

  fucking thing about world war two like [TS]

  you were abused people spent the whole [TS]

  war in the mess hall is associated or [TS]

  two here and then tender be like well [TS]

  one of us is a federal judge so and and [TS]

  game over its it is the thing but it is [TS]

  the it is the that's a shitty fucking [TS]

  trump card but i guess it works ultimate [TS]

  trump card and the problem is i have a [TS]

  friend and one day he is going to one [TS]

  day he's gonna wake up and he's going to [TS]

  open up the newspaper or there's the [TS]

  phone is gonna ring and it's going to be [TS]

  a congratulatory call that somebody has [TS]

  appointed him to the federal bench [TS]

  and wherever I am [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  my my lettuce is gonna go limp and airy [TS]

  given would undermine him never going to [TS]

  get over how do you undermine him [TS]

  because he's a because he's a Catholic [TS]

  theologian and a Catholic University he [TS]

  does not i am sure he never touches [TS]

  himself in a simple way now you know [TS]

  what I mean he has no skeletons in his [TS]

  closet he believes he's a true believer [TS]

  and this is the problem with the [TS]

  skeletons are all down the rectory [TS]

  this is our problem with our East Bay uh [TS]

  the Dominican bra which is which is that [TS]

  he is a that he is a true believer and [TS]

  so in a sense you know he is morally [TS]

  unassailable as long as you know as long [TS]

  as you could be he's morally [TS]

  unassailable because he lives in a [TS]

  castle and it is a castle of his of [TS]

  belief it is a castle belief and so it's [TS]

  a frustrating this is so far away from [TS]

  the runway level I mean we are tracking [TS]

  across America on a train [TS]

  yeah that is not riding on a track of [TS]

  belief it is riding on a track made out [TS]

  of crushed human skulls and belief you [TS]

  know belief is nice in it because we are [TS]

  going to need we're going to need some [TS]

  poetry in the dining car who to drown [TS]

  out the sounds of of all those bones [TS]

  cracking under our train John if you [TS]

  decide and this is your train [TS]

  like I say but but if you decide to keep [TS]

  any of the judiciary in place [TS]

  what will be your system for vetting you [TS]

  don't like for example when they [TS]

  downsize like you come in here and you [TS]

  gotta get apply for your own job again [TS]

  like what are you going to do to if you [TS]

  choose to keep any of the infrastructure [TS]

  in place how you make sure that the [TS]

  right people are in their game against [TS]

  the last yeah well uh first of all no [TS]

  banjo players [TS]

  ok [TS]

  write that down banjo players badges [TS]

  right out can't be trusted is it is it [TS]

  just something about banjos in [TS]

  particular those are fine if you are [TS]

  guitar player or something or just like [TS]

  an innocent to pick up a banjo on planks [TS]

  along on an outright no it's not a [TS]

  victim banjos another problems just like [TS]

  a bagpipe isn't a problem it's the banjo [TS]

  players in the bagpipe players may seem [TS]

  like an assault rifle [TS]

  yeah you don't shoot you do not choose [TS]

  the bagpipe impress you [TS]

  well yeah right i'm not sure i don't [TS]

  know but you know banjos uh what about [TS]

  Rhodes Scholars to have a particular [TS]

  pain I mean like at UK just reject all [TS]

  that out pan because certainly amongst [TS]

  all of the of the fucktards have become [TS]

  Rhodes Scholars most because the [TS]

  connection let's be honest some of them [TS]

  might be useful [TS]

  well I mean I don't want to be all pol [TS]

  pot here but if I if I could trace all [TS]

  the problems in America if i could if i [TS]

  could independently trace every single [TS]

  problem in America that thread would [TS]

  would end up back at Yale here is the [TS]

  center of all everything that's wrong [TS]

  with America like I have no I have no [TS]

  doubt that I could trace even the fact [TS]

  that it's sitting here in my room I [TS]

  don't have any 9-volt batteries for my [TS]

  rat pedal there's some way I can I can [TS]

  locate the source of that problem at [TS]

  Yankee reason skull and bones so I mean [TS]

  I don't want to be pull pot I did not [TS]

  believe for a second that [TS]

  anti-intellectualism is a valid like go [TS]

  forward strategy for supertrain not at [TS]

  all [TS]

  yeah we are not and it is not an [TS]

  anti-intellectual programs but i mean i [TS]

  don't think the Rhodes Scholarship is an [TS]

  intellectual program i know you don't [TS]

  this John the kind of people who get [TS]

  fucking scholarships and grants and you [TS]

  get the the steak rails grease for them [TS]

  not anything special [TS]

  no you know they don't enter the Tanners [TS]

  then bags full of money we're going to [TS]

  put all the George Plimpton's behind the [TS]

  train and they're going to have to run [TS]

  and run and at a certain point [TS]

  some of that's they're gonna run they're [TS]

  gonna run some of that smugness off and [TS]

  when this when they were when they run [TS]

  the smugness often they're welcome on [TS]

  board but you know that's what it is and [TS]

  that's the thing about the people that [TS]

  come up to me on when i'm on tour the [TS]

  people that come up and say you know [TS]

  that that kinda you know that offer [TS]

  offer the hand and they're thinking of [TS]

  them so they put the put the handout and [TS]

  their thinking is there a secret [TS]

  supertrain handshake [TS]

  yeah but I don't know they put the hand [TS]

  out there and they're worried that there [TS]

  is a secret supertrain handshake and [TS]

  they don't know it but it doesn't [TS]

  inhibit them from putting their hand out [TS]

  like a gentleman [TS]

  yeah and shake their hand and they [TS]

  realized there is no super-secret [TS]

  supertrain handshake but there's no [TS]

  smugness in their approach they are they [TS]

  they are approaching that and a lot of [TS]

  them are very smart people to connect [TS]

  you with that respect and dignity and [TS]

  with you know with the with the humility [TS]

  that that any human being should [TS]

  approach another human with yes if you [TS]

  if you do not approach people with that [TS]

  humility and an intrinsic humility and [TS]

  this is the problem with people who are [TS]

  who are flush with belief they lack that [TS]

  ten percent of of the needed humility [TS]

  because their belief like Trump's there [TS]

  that their native humility right they [TS]

  they cannot they cannot allow for the [TS]

  possibility that what they think they [TS]

  know is wrong [TS]

  Tom they've excused in the giant pie [TS]

  graph of no ability they've they've [TS]

  excused a lot of things because of their [TS]

  certainty and it's made them less [TS]

  respectful there is there is an [TS]

  arrogance at the core of every doctrine [TS]

  and super train is a doctrine free [TS]

  juggernaut [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  it just eats and shits terrible idea [TS]

  what we do this [TS]

  hello no banjo players [TS]