Roderick on the Line

Ep. 61: "Neighborhood Stick Fight"


  hello John [TS]

  I Merlin bit how I certainly hits rin [TS]

  now it's early huh [TS]

  I drove all night hmm address just be [TS]

  here with me [TS]

  yeah i did i did i was in Portland I [TS]

  last night at like 130 in the morning i [TS]

  drove home and it was little we used for [TS]

  how long a drive is that remind me [TS]

  that's three hour drive is better but it [TS]

  was a rainstorm and I haven't really [TS]

  been to sleep [TS]

  oh no I'm sorry we'll listen we'll look [TS]

  we'll keep this will keep the shirt i [TS]

  preciate you know it's great i I've got [TS]

  to get Ted Nugent's wango tango going in [TS]

  my head on purpose [TS]

  no just popped in there i just started I [TS]

  just started going the Maserati dates a [TS]

  Maserati a he's got a he's got a flare [TS]

  for a hook he does he does not have a [TS]

  lyric writing flare [TS]

  it's free for all because he's a fucking [TS]

  idiot [TS]

  yeah he's he's gotten by on the strength [TS]

  for a pretty long time you know he's [TS]

  gotten by on the fact that his guitar [TS]

  can shoot the balls off the rhinoceros [TS]

  and 250 yards [TS]

  mmm he seems like he's got a lot to [TS]

  prove meanly to himself [TS]

  yeah he's a guy he's a guy that needs a [TS]

  punch in the nose and my punch in the [TS]

  nose I mean crossbow cross-border the [TS]

  Nets a crossbow bolt to the notes [TS]

  yeah he's one of those guys like I don't [TS]

  know a lot about him i know he had some [TS]

  role in that awesome during the journey [TS]

  to the center of your mind song when he [TS]

  was yes like 12 [TS]

  yeah he got as he became the legal [TS]

  guardian of his teenage girlfriend all [TS]

  that sweet now he is that where he lived [TS]

  you know get something that is not to [TS]

  date no like Michigan or upstate [TS]

  somewhere some Midwestern upstate place [TS]

  mhm but he had he had some girlfriend it [TS]

  was like 13 and he went to her parents [TS]

  and he said listen this is gonna go one [TS]

  of a couple of ways [TS]

  well I think you should just make me her [TS]

  legal guardian [TS]

  what really yeah and the activity [TS]

  acquiesced yeah and then he just he was [TS]

  just walking around with this little [TS]

  really teenage girlfriend like not like [TS]

  like a little teen aged she was not a [TS]

  little teenage she was fully teenaged [TS]

  she was 100% early teens man it was the [TS]

  seventies you could do a lot of okc [TS]

  chips are they still together to [TS]

  knowledge they were together for a long [TS]

  time it was a Mary Kay Letourneau [TS]

  situation where where when the when the [TS]

  young person became of when she gained [TS]

  her majority as we say they stayed [TS]

  together whether or not happily or [TS]

  whether it was a change in the basement [TS]

  situation i can say they never invited [TS]

  me over you know if you if you go and [TS]

  you're gonna go I don't know you know [TS]

  talk to Talia or something you know I [TS]

  mean if somebody walks in and smiles and [TS]

  puts a sidearm on the table it changes [TS]

  the conversation I just think being in a [TS]

  and upstate home filled with weapons [TS]

  will over time change your perception of [TS]

  what's okay you're going to get a little [TS]

  bit of the Stockholm Syndrome I believe [TS]

  that's terrific phrase yeah I've had [TS]

  that I went into a room one time and I [TS]

  got put a gun on the table and let me [TS]

  tell you Merlin it did change that the [TS]

  tenor of the conversation your man who [TS]

  knows what a gun can do well I don't [TS]

  have I have never been shot [TS]

  yeah but I mean you take it seems to me [TS]

  like like my late father who is a [TS]

  sportsman and taught gun safety glasses [TS]

  he was an Eagle Scout like he was a real [TS]

  outdoorsy guy he's from the generation [TS]

  when you would be in the NRA because he [TS]

  didn't want people to die [TS]

  you know you have the energy generated [TS]

  was the organization yeah it's funny was [TS]

  a funny time and 60 was also inducted [TS]

  unlimited which is about keeping the [TS]

  early conservation group in a lot of [TS]

  ways because so that you can still shoot [TS]

  the Ducks you want the text to die you [TS]

  want to keep you want to keep nature so [TS]

  that their duck so that you can shoot [TS]

  them the Republicans to be good guys you [TS]

  know [TS]

  ok so I'm saying is it strikes me that [TS]

  you're a man who's seen you you're [TS]

  familiar again this is like this is like [TS]

  the guy that there will be consequences [TS]

  guy [TS]

  like he's never gotten a really serious [TS]

  punch in the nose and so he he talks [TS]

  about consequences without really [TS]

  understanding what that means right and [TS]

  you you understand somebody puts a i'm [TS]

  guessing a pistol on the table there was [TS]

  a pistol yeah but you know how I was at [TS]

  a bar one time with a good friend of [TS]

  mine who was he was one of the he's one [TS]

  of those guys that works the crab boats [TS]

  like you see on the television and this [TS]

  was in the heyday of the crabbing era in [TS]

  Alaska where I 18 year old guy could [TS]

  make fifty thousand dollars in three [TS]

  months and I talked about this where you [TS]

  could be like just a kid and come and [TS]

  get paid cash you know [TS]

  yeah justjust crazy amounts of money and [TS]

  then we went to a bar one time and he [TS]

  asked my sister to dance and and they [TS]

  danced for a little bit up kind of close [TS]

  to the stage and there was a band [TS]

  there's a band playing kind of you know [TS]

  reggae ska whatever and at a certain [TS]

  point he he like he realized that he [TS]

  couldn't dance as well as he wanted to [TS]

  with the gun tucked in the waistband of [TS]

  his pants so he took the gun out and he [TS]

  put it on the stage so that he can dance [TS]

  with my sister better you're just gonna [TS]

  like tucked it tucked it behind the [TS]

  monitors on the stage so that like he's [TS]

  taking off a heavy coat [TS]

  yeah it was just like oh man this thing [TS]

  is going to slide down in my underwear [TS]

  when you're in crab country you're [TS]

  dancing with the lady and you want to [TS]

  have a little more freedom of movement [TS]

  you take your pick out your pistol in [TS]

  your player on the stage that do you get [TS]

  a that's just kind of thing that happens [TS]

  there [TS]

  I i was gonna sort of that the Jackpine [TS]

  i was in the bar the time and it did not [TS]

  escape notice i think the band was a [TS]

  little bit freaked out and then what [TS]

  they think of that keeps going away my [TS]

  sister thought it was hilarious I mean [TS]

  this is a good this is a good buddy of [TS]

  mine who who just was suffering through [TS]

  a period which in his case lasted 15 [TS]

  years a period of compromise judgment it [TS]

  was a 15-year long period where he had [TS]

  no judgment of any kind and this was a [TS]

  butBut confusingly or maybe I mean maybe [TS]

  this says more about Alaska in the [TS]

  eighties then then [TS]

  it says maybe all you need to say about [TS]

  Alaska in the eighties but he was not [TS]

  expelled from the bar know what he did [TS]

  not the song did not stop and I think he [TS]

  finished they finished dancing and he [TS]

  put the gun back in his pants and and [TS]

  the night went on like there was not [TS]

  like he skipped out on his tab [TS]

  yeah it wasn't it wasn't like a needle [TS]

  across a record situation it was like [TS]

  the thing about life John is that you i [TS]

  think one thing that is a problem for [TS]

  people is that they understand or they [TS]

  think they understand their world and [TS]

  they have observed or constructed a [TS]

  bunch of perhaps real were often [TS]

  make-believe rules about how things [TS]

  could go and when things diverge from [TS]

  that is when they get super freaky and [TS]

  that's why these people are super freaky [TS]

  a lot it's like people who think it's [TS]

  safe to drive 19 miles per hour on a [TS]

  highway that is about that you know what [TS]

  if everybody's driving 90 you're not [TS]

  being safe [TS]

  I've been dealing with those people for [TS]

  the last 16 hours because now it's been [TS]

  it's raining like crazy up here [TS]

  seattle drivers are already terrible the [TS]

  rain is not a thing we're on accustomed [TS]

  to but when it really starts coming down [TS]

  we just what people get into this mode [TS]

  of like the safest lame to be in is the [TS]

  fast lane and the safest speed is 40 [TS]

  miles an hour [TS]

  uh-huh it's like neither one of those [TS]

  statements is true the safest lane for [TS]

  you to be in is your driveway with the [TS]

  engine off huh [TS]

  and so I'm driving you know I'm trying [TS]

  to just get around town and it is a [TS]

  hydroplaning situation cars are [TS]

  hydroplanes it so it is as it is at [TS]

  least in Florida if it didn't rain for a [TS]

  while when a very first range it would [TS]

  kind of I don't know likely to the oil [TS]

  out of the road and everything that [TS]

  extra crazy there's that but there's [TS]

  also just straight-up 4 inches water on [TS]

  the roads Oh so-so cars are it's [TS]

  definitely a squirrely situation but [TS]

  when your car hydroplanes you do not [TS]

  it's the same rules that we have [TS]

  discussed many times you do not touch [TS]

  the brakes you do not you do not panic [TS]

  you do not champion don't panic and [TS]

  don't start scaring all over the place [TS]

  yeah you just keep keep driving keep [TS]

  keep going [TS]

  it's fine you're you're fine you know [TS]

  but but no one seems to get that and [TS]

  it's just all all day long all these [TS]

  people that should have just stayed home [TS]

  if you can't [TS]

  if you can't get to where you're going [TS]

  safely just stay home take a day off [TS]

  from work [TS]

  watch TV mhm make some nachos but [TS]

  they're out imperiling people almost [TS]

  makes you wish there were like a a [TS]

  second a junior highway and we devised [TS]

  an hour whomever had a lot of [TS]

  forethought you know frontage road [TS]

  you're saying yeah well you know how [TS]

  like sometimes you have a service road [TS]

  yeah an extra mostly runs alongside the [TS]

  highway [TS]

  maybe those people that could be like [TS]

  that kind of a pop version of the [TS]

  highway driving where they can just kind [TS]

  of get acquainted you hit between [TS]

  Lincoln's legs and try not to include [TS]

  here's the problem with that now and [TS]

  we've seen this at the TSA in airports [TS]

  where they say okay this is the green [TS]

  lane the Greenland is for people who [TS]

  have never left the house before the [TS]

  green lane is for people who you know [TS]

  who had a frontal lobotomy or have 14 [TS]

  kids or who are escorting which kid is [TS]

  carrying a quart of water [TS]

  Oh escorting like 30 grandmother's on [TS]

  their first trip from Singapore here's [TS]

  the green lane you go there then the [TS]

  blue lane is for people who are just [TS]

  like generally competent people they [TS]

  have been on an airplane before but [TS]

  maybe they don't know where their keys [TS]

  are and then there's the black diamond [TS]

  lane for people who have who traveled [TS]

  with no luggage always mad and [TS]

  everybody's ready [TS]

  they're fucking ninjas they are CIA [TS]

  agents and they are groc stars and they [TS]

  are moving moving moving and then so tsa [TS]

  sets this up and then they do not a [TS]

  point the simple person to stand at the [TS]

  head of the line and say i miss you are [TS]

  not a black diamond traveler let's be [TS]

  honest [TS]

  let us move over here into this air let [TS]

  the black the black diamond people all [TS]

  have a look on their face like they have [TS]

  a look on that I'm that guy you know you [TS]

  know meet John I am NOT by and large a [TS]

  competitive person but I am I become [TS]

  extremely competitive mostly with myself [TS]

  in that in that line I went three years [TS]

  without causing a beep and then I not [TS]

  only here's the thing [TS]

  not only do I not inconvenience others [TS]

  not only do I grabbed extra extra crates [TS]

  and have ready for everybody i know to [TS]

  move keep everything moving moving [TS]

  moving keep moving forward from there to [TS]

  help out i'm throwing a line and I man i [TS]

  got I the tiger in that [TS]

  fine yeah I don't even use a bit anymore [TS]

  I walk up I throw my keys through the [TS]

  x-ray machine i stand at one and i hook [TS]

  him and then I'm through the fucking [TS]

  thing before you know they don't even [TS]

  they don't wave me like me like the [TS]

  Death Star you get this a little just [TS]

  it's an almost impossible shot and [TS]

  somehow it goes clean through and then [TS]

  I'm I'm been through the metal detectors [TS]

  right forget their anniversaries are mad [TS]

  and you're like oh my god you actually [TS]

  get this guy I picked the pocket of the [TS]

  guy whose job it is to wave you through [TS]

  I've got his wallet in my hand [TS]

  even this one I've got I've got four [TS]

  passports I'm like get the fuck out of [TS]

  my way and then you know and then right [TS]

  in front of me there's four there's 14 [TS]

  grandmother's from Singapore have never [TS]

  been on an airplane before and they're [TS]

  all bringing holy water from Lourdes [TS]

  either you know and it's just like give [TS]

  me the front so anyway we would build a [TS]

  highway system like junior high way over [TS]

  to the side but then the tea party would [TS]

  have some referendum that reduces that [TS]

  you know the that the taxes on car tabs [TS]

  so that we can't afford to have that guy [TS]

  in a booth was like you sir are not eat [TS]

  you sir you with the Maserati you can [TS]

  drive the normal freeway you my friend [TS]

  in your in your volvo volvo sedan not [TS]

  even a station wagon 4-door sedan you [TS]

  are on the Iran the junior highway but [TS]

  no there would not be that person [TS]

  okay first of all I would like to [TS]

  rescind that suggestion because it's [TS]

  stupid and costly and it's anti super [TS]

  super train in every meaningful way so [TS]

  how about this instead here's my [TS]

  thinking this is something that I [TS]

  ruminate upon a lot which is this whole [TS]

  notion in Colorado a million different [TS]

  things you know past is prologue [TS]

  yesterday's weather we can tell a lot [TS]

  about what you will do in the future [TS]

  based on what you have or have not done [TS]

  in the past this is something i nearly [TS]

  obsess over his people thinking you know [TS]

  like in your case for example you got [TS]

  somebody goes oh like in my head and I'm [TS]

  an angry guy with no penis and like I've [TS]

  imagined myself being in a lot of fights [TS]

  so naturally I assumed that I would be [TS]

  great in a fight but that guys never [TS]

  been punched in the nose [TS]

  that is not a black diamond lane guy [TS]

  right [TS]

  you're talking about a lot of guys in [TS]

  tracksuits in the united kingdom right [TS]

  haha instead of shaped heads they're [TS]

  wearing tracksuit tracksuits check seats [TS]

  that they called Chad's i think i dont [TS]

  thats hanging on but you know I think [TS]

  tracksuits denote different things in [TS]

  different places even within the state [TS]

  of New York here's my right here's my [TS]

  thinking okay um it is it is farcical to [TS]

  me how many things you just get to do [TS]

  with just a basic just the most basic [TS]

  testing or or approval [TS]

  like for example but like let's say I'm [TS]

  trying to get a good example [TS]

  mountain-climbing martial arts you know [TS]

  it to some extent so I don't force this [TS]

  was skiing but I mean and when you go [TS]

  into martial arts if you're coming from [TS]

  another dojo and you say hey listen you [TS]

  know I I'm a green belt in Taekwondo [TS]

  they're not going to put you up against [TS]

  a four-year-old or chuck norris because [TS]

  that's not an appropriate match up [TS]

  you're gonna have to show okay well [TS]

  let's show me some of your moves and [TS]

  i'll tell you what belt you got here's [TS]

  what I'm thinking here's the problem [TS]

  all of the money that we have poured [TS]

  that we have literally poured into the [TS]

  TSA there's a lot of thinking on the [TS]

  front end and not a lot of thinking on [TS]

  the back end it's all hell breaks loose [TS]

  once you get past that area [TS]

  everybody's running around with their [TS]

  belts and shoes sitting down there [TS]

  confused there should be someone they're [TS]

  grading them and that should go on to [TS]

  some kind of a permanent record i want [TS]

  to tell Therrien I don't want to pop but [TS]

  I'm just saying so you go through then [TS]

  you say give me an idea you kind of belt [TS]

  are you and you're getting through hear [TS]

  you say well i think i think i'm pretty [TS]

  good if it takes you 45 minutes and you [TS]

  had seen your gunpowder you know what [TS]

  next time next time going to be a [TS]

  different Lane no you know what happens [TS]

  at the end of that they bend you over [TS]

  and they give you a tattoo a tattoo they [TS]

  give you a little tattoo and it's not it [TS]

  i'm not saying like a number on the arm [TS]

  is it doesn't remove like the room for [TS]

  improvement in the future I'm saying [TS]

  it's like it's like the way we great [TS]

  beef ru choice [TS]

  are u prime who are you shot phony phony [TS]

  baloney Angus copay is generated Chuck I [TS]

  don't know I the lower grades i'm not [TS]

  exactly sure what they are like diamonds [TS]

  it's a black are all that stuff and a [TS]

  lot of it's just BS you know the code [TS]

  baby things a pajama that's not a real [TS]

  thing right [TS]

  you know that the kobe don't get me [TS]

  started [TS]

  Kobe beef isn't it is it like copper [TS]

  river salmon where it's really a thing [TS]

  it's just not the thing that makeup tool [TS]

  you literally don't get me started on [TS]

  this all the places you go and say what [TS]

  you like what the kobe beef bangers [TS]

  whatever would you like a little the [TS]

  shooter slider and from there okay first [TS]

  of all that's not cool baby like Kobe [TS]

  beef every piece of the fucking beef has [TS]

  a god damn i forgot i was gonna quit [TS]

  cursing huh on all might be a curse jar [TS]

  mm I'm trying to stop anyway mr. on the [TS]

  thing and the throat order in every time [TS]

  I need a big jar [TS]

  I'm trying to stop anyway point being [TS]

  every piece of beef [TS]

  it's a long story but basically there's [TS]

  a serial number for all Kobe beef and [TS]

  and there are not air enough air quotes [TS]

  they're literally can only be cool baby [TS]

  this is beyond champagne right now I now [TS]

  i want some Kobe beef I don't believe [TS]

  I've ever had and you go most places [TS]

  increasingly the places were being [TS]

  straight up with you will say Colbie [TS]

  style beef itself means they put some [TS]

  sugar water on it [TS]

  think of it this way if you go through [TS]

  with your with your passport or whatever [TS]

  in and they stamp it right there still [TS]

  there's lots more pages in there you [TS]

  think about something like like like a [TS]

  report card you think about a GPA I [TS]

  think there should be a way you can [TS]

  bring your grade up your mind if you got [TS]

  if you got straight apps a black diamond [TS]

  lane you're not gonna you're not gonna [TS]

  come you you know what you gotta move [TS]

  you gotta move to a different Lane I [TS]

  just love the idea of tattooing people [TS]

  because I mean I just I i feel like the [TS]

  next step is just hurting them into a [TS]

  soylent green machine that is efficient [TS]

  I feel like I you know this is the [TS]

  problem this is why Hitler and stuff is [TS]

  such a popular part of our podcast [TS]

  because I believe that you are kind of [TS]

  new genesis and I am just a totalitarian [TS]

  like basically if you want to have a [TS]

  healthy genocide of maniac [TS]

  well you're not maniacal John you have [TS]

  if your days i'm a calm i'm a calm [TS]

  germicidal thing is you is the thing is [TS]

  to have a cardiopulmonary system me [TS]

  pulmonary any car do you need a heart [TS]

  and lungs [TS]

  you can't have them it's scary if you're [TS]

  going to if you're going to have a [TS]

  genocide of maniac you're gonna want a [TS]

  eugenicist right next to him at the [TS]

  right slot made with very small glasses [TS]

  natalina to lean over to lean over and [TS]

  whisper in my ear [TS]

  that's not two tattoos [TS]

  kind of a passport thing and then I go [TS]

  all right right so check out that you [TS]

  kind of already been done [TS]

  yeah right okay alright passport been [TS]

  good and good but I just shut but you [TS]

  have to show that passport all I'm [TS]

  trying to say is like I i would fail in [TS]

  most meritocracy sees but the fact that [TS]

  I accept my place in the meritocracy [TS]

  makes me better than almost everyone i [TS]

  understand that like when I'm with my [TS]

  kid even though it drives me bananas and [TS]

  I make her be as good at line as I am [TS]

  nobody's good at line anymore and you [TS]

  want a child that's good at line we go [TS]

  into the into the you know that the [TS]

  stupid family lane but because you know [TS]

  because I'm a gentleman that's what i'm [TS]

  gonna do i'm going to go there but you [TS]

  know the fact is there's nobody i'm [TS]

  saying is there's nobody there is [TS]

  verifying the anybody deserved to be [TS]

  there in the first place [TS]

  I just know it is also i just only [TS]

  tattoos that that's part of the problem [TS]

  that's true that's true you're right i [TS]

  don't like a meeting although i think [TS]

  there are a lot of people with tattoos [TS]

  listening to our podcast who want their [TS]

  tattoo choices validated by us and it [TS]

  and I anyone that's so hard to because i [TS]

  want to give a blanket validation to [TS]

  everyone who's listening who has a [TS]

  tattoo I think your tattoos amazing just [TS]

  like somebody just like somebody just [TS]

  came from Portland it's everybody else's [TS]

  tattoos I don't like your tattoos amazed [TS]

  the dream of the nineties really still a [TS]

  lot of important [TS]

  oh my god well the dream you know the [TS]

  dream of the nineties i think is getting [TS]

  put aside their lifestyle Andy I [TS]

  apologize it's getting pushed for the [TS]

  further and further south it's in salem [TS]

  now the nineties the dream is spreading [TS]

  I don't know presentations there's a [TS]

  reason that there is no major city [TS]

  between San Francisco and well really [TS]

  and Seattle or Portland it doesn't [TS]

  qualify five there's not a single and [TS]

  you're worried about people who listen [TS]

  to podcasts that have tattoos but you're [TS]

  not worried about a place does not even [TS]

  really in Northern California all the [TS]

  way to see how everywhere in between [TS]

  there are no major cities tell me name a [TS]

  major city in eureka that's not a major [TS]

  city right I'm trying to keep us out of [TS]

  trouble [TS]

  Eureka Eureka is a place where they [TS]

  circled the wagons and then they nailed [TS]

  the wagons to the floor [TS]

  yeah and they called into town and they [TS]

  were like what we call it i don't know [TS]

  let's give it a name that makes people [TS]

  want to come here [TS]

  that there's nothing there I mean in [TS]

  that same space between San Francisco [TS]

  and Seattle on the east coast there are [TS]

  a hundred million people living you got [TS]

  to make a lot less right you got that is [TS]

  corridors it's a constant megalopolis [TS]

  the entire distance from San Francisco [TS]

  to seattle there are more sheep than [TS]

  humans there are more i think there are [TS]

  probably more Turtles you know yet weed [TS]

  you got data cults you've got [TS]

  Republicans know and then you move into [TS]

  beards got lumber you got lumberjack [TS]

  sexy Lumberjacks you got exciting [TS]

  leverage is like being a marine there [TS]

  are no extra lumber jack some-some got [TS]

  some like Lumberjacks who liked who saw [TS]

  the light they were out there one day [TS]

  chopping down a tree and they were like [TS]

  wait a minute [TS]

  the trees are friends so they start [TS]

  something like trees unlimited where [TS]

  that make sure they keep the trees alive [TS]

  so they keep cutting down it's right [TS]

  that may build a true that the [TS]

  conservation with 21 poetry [TS]

  um you know I don't want gravy is out [TS]

  there living in a bus was a party with [TS]

  wavy gravy once he seemed very [TS]

  self-involved well he is wavy gravy was [TS]

  wearing a tie dye shirt yeah that's his [TS]

  look at six grams that's his brand em I [TS]

  just you know I mean I don't you wear [TS]

  this I spent a lot of time at walgreens [TS]

  because there's a variety of things i [TS]

  need to get walgreens and my [TS]

  prescriptions I need a basic agreement [TS]

  with you I know you are [TS]

  yeah I want to keep order capable to [TS]

  keep our walgreens but I just get you [TS]

  times the donuts that when you bought [TS]

  that handsome handsome cape that i [TS]

  really hope you still have still have I [TS]

  see here's the thing when i go to [TS]

  walgreens again I the tiger I know what [TS]

  I'm going to do I know what I need to do [TS]

  things about at walgreens they make it [TS]

  worse and worse and worse all the time [TS]

  because they they add like the it seems [TS]

  like they replaced the point the point [TS]

  of sale devices every point of sale [TS]

  device inclusive it gets they all get [TS]

  worse every year they get more [TS]

  complicated they get more breast cancer [TS]

  buttons [TS]

  there's more things that I have more [TS]

  dinguses doing guy that I have to [TS]

  interact with i just want to give you [TS]

  this money and I want you to let me [TS]

  leave [TS]

  that's not bad enough right the people [TS]

  who don't understand like how to run the [TS]

  car the stripe is this way that's what [TS]

  the illustration is telling you it's [TS]

  there's always a lady there [TS]

  there's always at least one sixty year [TS]

  old Chinese lady arguing about an [TS]

  expired coupon at every walgreens i'm [TS]

  starting to think that she might be an [TS]

  employee and I just iin the thing is [TS]

  it's part of the culture I think arguing [TS]

  over coupons is a tentpole of the [TS]

  culture and we're all in this line we [TS]

  just want to get our ice cream and move [TS]

  on with our lives [TS]

  I think there should be you know what [TS]

  maybe even a separate kiosk there should [TS]

  be a coupon argument kiosk achieving [TS]

  things that lady in San Francisco is a [TS]

  little cheese a little six-year-old [TS]

  Chinese lady [TS]

  yeah but in Florida she's a little [TS]

  six-year-old Jewish lady [TS]

  yeah like they're there is a there is a [TS]

  a 60 year old lady thing that transcends [TS]

  all cultures all across America there [TS]

  are these ladies arguing about that same [TS]

  coupon expired coupon expired expired [TS]

  coupon extra-special clarify one thing [TS]

  she doesn't need or want yeah and I and [TS]

  so I i personally think that the UFOs [TS]

  who live under the North Pole who are [TS]

  controlling the world governments are [TS]

  sending out these kind of stay Scouts [TS]

  their first of all they're changing the [TS]

  cash register so they're impossible to [TS]

  figure out and yet they're removing real [TS]

  human beings from cash register so at [TS]

  little by little were being just hurted [TS]

  funneled into this like built-in [TS]

  frustration machines a retail abattoir [TS]

  yeah here you go you're going to sit [TS]

  here and you're gonna you're gonna fuss [TS]

  with this thing it's never going to give [TS]

  you a satisfying response [TS]

  there's going to be this distal this [TS]

  plant this little old lady arguing about [TS]

  an expired coupon and all this is so [TS]

  it's some kind of preparation it's [TS]

  preparing us for living aboard piece [TS]

  alien cattle ships that are that are [TS]

  going to take us away and somehow i [TS]

  don't understand their culture but [TS]

  somehow on those ships were going to be [TS]

  required our compliance is going to be [TS]

  required and this is a way that they're [TS]

  this is how they're breaking their [TS]

  spirits [TS]

  okay i'm sorry to say that i think i [TS]

  almost completely understand that but i [TS]

  have a couple questions so you [TS]

  understand what you're saying are the [TS]

  the let's just say only ping-pong the [TS]

  the aging well mine and they're expired [TS]

  coupons are they aware [TS]

  first you're saying they are a kind of [TS]

  emissary of the of the sub the Arctic [TS]

  thinking visitors [TS]

  there's a couple of ways this could go [TS]

  they could be a sort of don't have all [TS]

  the details about some of this is [TS]

  conjecture based on fact they could be a [TS]

  Jeffrey Dahmer situation where the [TS]

  aliens have dropped acid into their [TS]

  frontal lobe and made them not into like [TS]

  compliant sex slaves but into like [TS]

  coupon coupon automaton slaves just [TS]

  coupon slaves were they get a hand them [TS]

  a coupon and they go go try and get the [TS]

  go try and redeem this coupon and a [TS]

  little lady goes yeah and actually goes [TS]

  down the door and then the next one [TS]

  comes up in there like go try and redeem [TS]

  this coupon and they just ended and but [TS]

  they've taken away some some crucial [TS]

  part of their brain or they could be I [TS]

  mean for all we know they're clones or [TS]

  all I think that gives very well be [TS]

  clones there they could be clones don't [TS]

  see like the university in that [TS]

  ecosystem none of them are tall they're [TS]

  all the same sign all the same size they [TS]

  get the bucket hats [TS]

  hey Johnny they could be another species [TS]

  they could be for instance they could be [TS]

  goats taking human form [TS]

  okay here's the thing if you want to [TS]

  create a super army of of like a [TS]

  psychotic killing machines [TS]

  the thing is like yes you're going to [TS]

  want somebody client but first you're [TS]

  gonna want somebody big strong and [TS]

  psychotic you can get them to be playing [TS]

  through mind control as we know but you [TS]

  have to start with a form factor that's [TS]

  going to work for what you want and [TS]

  here's the thing they may not want to be [TS]

  killing machines per se in the way that [TS]

  you want but they've got their already [TS]

  kind of wired for that all you need to [TS]

  do is get everybody pointing in the same [TS]

  direction in this case these ladies are [TS]

  more than happy to spend an entire [TS]

  literally an entire morning arguing over [TS]

  a non-existent coupon for a non-existent [TS]

  discount for an item is not in stock [TS]

  right now I look at that as somebody [TS]

  who's not not Bob a part of the you know [TS]

  part of the brood and and i think that's [TS]

  that's a kind of a monkey balls way to [TS]

  spend your morning but there there's [TS]

  something going on here they are [TS]

  incentivized indispensable John and [TS]

  they're arguing they look they look sad [TS]

  about it they look extremely focused [TS]

  here's my suggestion the store manager [TS]

  with whom they're arguing [TS]

  yeah also a clone [TS]

  the entire thing is a is a passion play [TS]

  it's a tableau just for you and you are [TS]

  having your having some of the reactants [TS]

  sudden I'm getting really used to that [TS]

  conversation going on for an hour [TS]

  that's right it is killing you softly [TS]

  with his song but but now i gotta file a [TS]

  complaint card it happens so much that i [TS]

  would have to spend my day filling out [TS]

  complaint cards if I were eventually [TS]

  going to be on the interplanetary see [TS]

  barge with the Chinese ladies and and [TS]

  the psychotics and the UFOs they're [TS]

  gonna want me to be in a position where [TS]

  this is the kind of thing that I'm used [TS]

  to yes he's standing in line [TS]

  yes he's used to waiting and yes he's [TS]

  used to our emissaries is used to [TS]

  overhearing this conversation so that it [TS]

  is so that seems normal [TS]

  and when we hand him an expired coupon [TS]

  and say go try and redeem this right [TS]

  he's gonna feel like that's a normal [TS]

  thing he's exhausted x it's the new [TS]

  normal [TS]

  yeah I've heard this conversation I know [TS]

  how this goes i bet i can redeem this [TS]

  coupon [TS]

  I don't doubt i don't think i don't feel [TS]

  great offering this up but i would like [TS]

  you to be as honest as you're [TS]

  comfortable being do you think there's a [TS]

  chance that i might be a clone [TS]

  I cannot imagine keep doing the show as [TS]

  long as you want to do it but but have [TS]

  you ever gotten the sense that i might [TS]

  be a clone [TS]

  I cannot imagine what they would have [TS]

  cloned what would I want with it started [TS]

  with what they would have started with [TS]

  to produce you like what what it would [TS]

  have had to have been I can't no I can't [TS]

  I can't I cannot picture the life-form [TS]

  that they that the the like the starter [TS]

  in the petri dish that would have [TS]

  produced you unless something went [TS]

  horribly arrived [TS]

  unless it was a thing where it was like [TS]

  okay like chocolate and peanut butter [TS]

  accident there is a Gary Busey and then [TS]

  somebody like boots like it fell off the [TS]

  table and they scraped it all back into [TS]

  thing and they got some lights other [TS]

  stuff in there i love i just want to say [TS]

  that you know i can be very critical of [TS]

  people who don't know how to do line but [TS]

  I i just want to be open to improvement [TS]

  opportunities and and really honestly I [TS]

  want to be open to whatever the future [TS]

  holds for me [TS]

  well here's the thing I what I'm what [TS]

  I'm concerned about what I want that [TS]

  with the point of this podcast for me [TS]

  this entire time has been to prepare you [TS]

  for your eventual role as [TS]

  rebel leader and I noted for yet yeah i [TS]

  know it goes against your your your [TS]

  identity or self-identity I'm farting [TS]

  rebellious that you will be a rebel [TS]

  leader but I feel like I feel like this [TS]

  is what the force is telling me huh [TS]

  and so all of this is just been it's [TS]

  been me trying to deprogram you but I [TS]

  and I've and I feel like now the cats [TS]

  out of the bag [TS]

  no no you killed by white this maybe [TS]

  there's a lot of mine wiping you know [TS]

  i'll have to decide okay I'm you know [TS]

  I'm going to cut all this out will cut [TS]

  all this huh [TS]

  I'm just gonna I'm just gonna keep [TS]

  taking it out of the way I I don't know [TS]

  you know it's a it's just so frustrating [TS]

  it's just so frustrating you know what [TS]

  will be standing there and I i try i [TS]

  have in the past been a passive [TS]

  aggressive person and it's something I i [TS]

  struggle with and I don't want to be [TS]

  that way but sometimes my daughter and I [TS]

  will be standing in line and one of the [TS]

  clone people will come up with their [TS]

  expired coupons and i will see them [TS]

  shuffling shuffling toward the clone [TS]

  manager because they don't have a [TS]

  frontal lobe that's why they shuffle but [TS]

  here we go ahead [TS]

  okay no okay and okay and I'll oh no lo [TS]

  right here but I i well I will uh I'll [TS]

  say hi to whom to whom just to the sky [TS]

  shuffle clone i'll say hi oh you say hi [TS]

  to her [TS]

  we're all waiting in line back here haha [TS]

  everyone here is in the same line [TS]

  hi and then I got 16 smiling making yeah [TS]

  it and they'll say and she'll say and my [TS]

  daughter will say well let's go up there [TS]

  are saying now Eleanor we are Americans [TS]

  and we live in America and we waited [TS]

  alive [TS]

  no no no no no that way I just mean that [TS]

  I mean that this this is or should be [TS]

  I nobody likes waiting in a line but [TS]

  when we stop waiting in line like [TS]

  Americans that is when everything starts [TS]

  to unless of course there's something [TS]

  that I should be picking up from this [TS]

  whole clone culture and I gotta be [TS]

  honest with you I feel like I should go [TS]

  to walgreens right now and just start [TS]

  opening my eyes are closed on right I [TS]

  feel like I feel like we wait in lines [TS]

  until you see [TS]

  until you just until you discover the [TS]

  line that you do not want to wait in [TS]

  like when when when that line is leading [TS]

  into the belly of a giant spacecraft [TS]

  that's the line that maybe you need to [TS]

  I you know I'm not saying you need to [TS]

  skip ahead who I'm saying judge every [TS]

  line at individually [TS]

  yeah and also i'm not super familiar [TS]

  with the star wars franchise but it's my [TS]

  understanding that one way you make a [TS]

  rebel easy screw with them but you you [TS]

  are you unintentionally make a rebel [TS]

  like when you kill her and uncle and [TS]

  leave their smoking skeletons behind at [TS]

  the desert a glue that one way to make [TS]

  somebody good mad about wanting to join [TS]

  up with the rebels don't you think you [TS]

  what are you rebelling against that's [TS]

  the thing is I'm not sure where we're [TS]

  going yet because maybe I haven't [TS]

  suffered that kind of loss maybe I am so [TS]

  comfortable waiting in line behind these [TS]

  shuffle clothes because i have not been [TS]

  adequately harmed to know what I should [TS]

  or shouldn't be doing talking to me for [TS]

  an hour once a week is the moral [TS]

  spiritual equivalent of having you're [TS]

  the aunt and uncle who raised you [TS]

  a charred and left of smoldering in the [TS]

  on them like outside your underground [TS]

  hut on a desert planet that's my hope i [TS]

  don't think i'm doing a good enough job [TS]

  no I think you did a great sin people [TS]

  travel single file to disguise their [TS]

  numbers [TS]

  laughs last night I was in a bar with a [TS]

  bunch of British people this and the gut [TS]

  and the Portland bartender comes over [TS]

  and one of them and the one of the [TS]

  British people says do you have a [TS]

  pilsner and the bartender says well are [TS]

  we have 42 beers on tap the closest [TS]

  thing we have to a pilsner is this a [TS]

  little that I think you'll find is [TS]

  really light and I was like I was [TS]

  overhearing this guy was sitting next to [TS]

  the person i was listening this [TS]

  conversation is going that don't get [TS]

  that whatever he's saying right now do [TS]

  not get it it's not what you want [TS]

  well because steps here he didn't really [TS]

  answer the question he did not even say [TS]

  no and yeah and the answer was no [TS]

  answers now and so what's your second [TS]

  choice the answer is not find a nail [TS]

  that tastes like a pilsner the answer is [TS]

  no we don't have that what you want [TS]

  and so anyway the but obsequious [TS]

  bartender convinces the British person [TS]

  this i'm keen this is somebody in there [TS]

  in it was a member of a British pop a [TS]

  traveling pop band was using just [TS]

  excited to be in America convinces him [TS]

  to try this Portland style beer that is [TS]

  made out of cranberries and bit and [TS]

  biodiesel people but yeah and it's just [TS]

  like oh it's very happy but you don't [TS]

  taste the hops and it's very easy but [TS]

  you don't taste the east and you know [TS]

  what fuck you anyway the beer comes the [TS]

  the British person taste the beer and he [TS]

  says this is reprehensible disappear [TS]

  that is the worst thing I've ever had [TS]

  and I go well let's send it back and [TS]

  he's like no no I'm fine [TS]

  oh dear and I said no seriously and he [TS]

  looked at me looked me right in the eyes [TS]

  and he said I'm British [TS]

  I will I will drink this beer i will [TS]

  endure this beer and I turned around and [TS]

  I said barkeep come here and the guy [TS]

  cums you know he waddles back out and [TS]

  I'm like this beer satisfies no one at [TS]

  the table [TS]

  least of all me and i dont trick and he [TS]

  looks at me and he goes what do you mean [TS]

  and I said [TS]

  what do I mean what does it sound like I [TS]

  mean it satisfies no one no one likes [TS]

  this beer [TS]

  no one likes and everyone else at the [TS]

  table is from England and they're all [TS]

  looking at their fingernails and the guy [TS]

  goes what would you like [TS]

  and I said a pilsner and he says we have [TS]

  it in bottles i'm like blah and the beer [TS]

  goes away and a bottle of pills here [TS]

  comes and it and it's like it's like a [TS]

  it's a it's like the Seas parted you did [TS]

  you seem like a magician to that I've [TS]

  been fishes turn two lobes or whatever [TS]

  it is that happens in the end and that [TS]

  crazy book and yeah well not a magician [TS]

  what I seems like was an American they [TS]

  were all like wow that's incredible like [TS]

  I that and they resisted the urge I [TS]

  think to apologize to each other or like [TS]

  it I where do they were apologizing to [TS]

  the fingernails or whatever it is that [TS]

  that people do when they marry [TS]

  uncomfortable and don't have any agency [TS]

  but what happened was this Ted this [TS]

  terrible beard that had been filtered [TS]

  through somebody's dreadlocks went into [TS]

  the sink and what was what happened was [TS]

  the the pilsner that the guy had the [TS]

  whole time but was in a bottle arrived [TS]

  at the table and it was like I just I [TS]

  felt like on one hand I was dealing with [TS]

  Portland which which is so far up its [TS]

  own ask now that it can't even deliver a [TS]

  beer when somebody orders it and then on [TS]

  the other hand was this table full of [TS]

  British people that are just their [TS]

  they're suffering from from a thousand [TS]

  years of oven uh-huh from a thousand [TS]

  years of drinking a bad beer and not [TS]

  complaining [TS]

  they've been through a lot I mean they [TS]

  have grandparents and maybe aunts and [TS]

  uncles who made it through the Blitz [TS]

  they made it through the Blitz that's [TS]

  you mean I you know they get a lot of [TS]

  strength as far as I'm concerned for [TS]

  making it through that that was it that [TS]

  was a pretty tough go [TS]

  it was the same as the same england i've [TS]

  been reading a lot about the the norman [TS]

  conquest and that was a really that was [TS]

  a that was an interesting time you know [TS]

  it [TS]

  there was a there there was a period of [TS]

  certain when I was in the height of my [TS]

  like deep inside the University era it [TS]

  was it coincided with a time when when [TS]

  the people at least at my university [TS]

  were disparaging of the great man theory [TS]

  of history they said you know history [TS]

  has always been the story of these great [TS]

  men but that's bullshit and there aren't [TS]

  there were no great men history is just [TS]

  this that are just forces acting [TS]

  overtime and and it's a there's a [TS]

  certain kind of inevitability to history [TS]

  and these people that we think of like [TS]

  Stalin or whomever it they're mostly [TS]

  irrelevant because it's really these [TS]

  served geopolitical and economic forces [TS]

  that are moving history through time and [TS]

  I always I always pissed on that idea [TS]

  but you read about the Battle of [TS]

  Hastings and it's one of these moments [TS]

  where it's like these guys and those [TS]

  guys fought and the one guys lost and [TS]

  England was forever changed like the [TS]

  guys who won who were just a few [TS]

  thousand guys they they marched to [TS]

  London they were like what we killed [TS]

  your king and we won that battle and so [TS]

  we're in charge now and this French guys [TS]

  the new king and everybody went bullshit [TS]

  okay [TS]

  and it was and it was you know for for [TS]

  300 years they spoke French it in the [TS]

  royal court and it was a whole new like [TS]

  these new guys came in and they were the [TS]

  new Dukes and Earls and they took all [TS]

  the everything and it was like it [TS]

  happened one day there was just one day [TS]

  and then everything was different and [TS]

  and that one battle turned on just a [TS]

  kind of one moment even like there was a [TS]

  moment they were evenly matched and they [TS]

  were fighting and the one guy that [TS]

  horses and the other guys had shields [TS]

  and then the guys with the shield's like [TS]

  kind of got duped a little bit and then [TS]

  the whole thing was settled you know and [TS]

  it's just like the English my god the [TS]

  stories they can tell [TS]

  and so it's an it's a very pure idea of [TS]

  war in some ways it isn't something [TS]

  we're just going to try and move the [TS]

  ball forward a little bit it's really [TS]

  it's it's a complete and utter victory [TS]

  yeah really savage overwhelming kind of [TS]

  victory [TS]

  yeah the Normans came and they claimed [TS]

  that the Pope they went to the Pope [TS]

  before they cross the English Channel [TS]

  and they said hey Pope we think we have [TS]

  a pretty good case here for y4y we're [TS]

  entitled to get to the English throne [TS]

  and the Pope was like yeah sounds good [TS]

  and so when they show up in England [TS]

  they're carrying the flag of the Pope [TS]

  they got the Pope flag and the and King [TS]

  Harold that is hard to fake probably [TS]

  right right you get the Pope like that's [TS]

  not a thing you're gonna fake so Harold [TS]

  and his Danes whoever the the current [TS]

  king of England they see the Normans [TS]

  land with the Pope like and they're like [TS]

  5i got the Pope black and they start to [TS]

  doubt themselves they're like we don't [TS]

  have a pope flag even though it's even [TS]

  though it's their place [TS]

  it's their place but if you don't have [TS]

  the Pope flag it means God is against [TS]

  you and they really seriously thought [TS]

  this is themselves and 66 now when is [TS]

  this and 66 up in there and this is so [TS]

  are they still a Catholic nation at this [TS]

  point yeah everybody's Catholic at this [TS]

  point there is no other thing and and [TS]

  they think to themselves [TS]

  maybe they really doubt themselves maybe [TS]

  the maybe God doesn't maybe God doesn't [TS]

  want us and also what happened in 1066 [TS]

  Halley's Comet really yeah so they're [TS]

  looking up at the sky and they're like [TS]

  crazy star with the tail [TS]

  what does it portend and then the Norman [TS]

  show up with the Pope flag and this is [TS]

  like two strikes [TS]

  ok I think if you're if you're I don't [TS]

  know a lot of English people but if [TS]

  you're the kind of people who already [TS]

  are a little bit embarrassed about what [TS]

  you might be doing wrong drug and you [TS]

  get a common typo flag that's gonna is [TS]

  gonna cut pretty deeply if you won't [TS]

  send a beer back that you didn't order [TS]

  you're going to be a little bit like [TS]

  unmanned by the appearance of this Pope [TS]

  flag and the and the common to the flag [TS]

  ends up playing a big part in this it's [TS]

  something where it is that then today [TS]

  it's probably not as effective but just [TS]

  in general you need if you have the [TS]

  equivalent of a pope flag going in [TS]

  even today you're going to be in better [TS]

  shape if i showed up at a party with the [TS]

  Pope like I don't think it would Accord [TS]

  me very much extra well I can't relate [TS]

  i'm making air quotes around the Pope [TS]

  flag [TS]

  alright if i showed up at a party with a [TS]

  9.4 on pitchfork [TS]

  yeah i think people would they would [TS]

  first guys to get Travis more than a [TS]

  poke flag [TS]

  I think I don't think there's anybody [TS]

  deserves a pope flag again it's French [TS]

  for me more than I think he should march [TS]

  marches narrow ass over Chicago with the [TS]

  fucking Pope flag and an army of the [TS]

  ship has sailed on that i'll never get [TS]

  them never forget that [TS]

  but then the so the battle takes place [TS]

  and on the one hand the the Normans they [TS]

  bring horses and they've got a Calvary [TS]

  right and that and the and the gallery [TS]

  calico whatever the correct kaveri I [TS]

  would I wouldn't correct any other [TS]

  perspective on that except for you gotta [TS]

  cranberry got a personal gathi to grab [TS]

  Murray got any way of that and then the [TS]

  Brenda the the King of England Harold [TS]

  and his British who are actually Danish [TS]

  but let's that that's a different story [TS]

  they don't have the horses but they have [TS]

  they have this technology this shield [TS]

  wall where they all stand real close to [TS]

  each other and they put their shields up [TS]

  I was the Pikes thing where they make a [TS]

  big solid block [TS]

  yeah whoo and the Normans have never [TS]

  seen this [TS]

  they each had never seen the others [TS]

  water isn't that insane you could go [TS]

  into war and like the way people [TS]

  screamed and carried their shields might [TS]

  just completely destroy the morale like [TS]

  totally throw you off so they so the [TS]

  Lord are utterly like work we are [TS]

  extensively and certainly [TS]

  technologically unprepared for dealing [TS]

  with this it was it would be like [TS]

  somebody like the poison gas in world [TS]

  war one like this is a real curveball [TS]

  this is a new one on this yeah the [TS]

  Normans are used to swooping down with [TS]

  their horses and like everybody runs and [TS]

  they come at this shield wall with their [TS]

  horses and the shield will just stands [TS]

  there and the horses [TS]

  get up to this wall of guys holding up [TS]

  their shields and the horses don't know [TS]

  what to do the horses turn around or the [TS]

  horses like stop and then the and then [TS]

  the British hit him with the spears the [TS]

  long Pikes and it's like oh shit this is [TS]

  heavy and then made the horses run back [TS]

  but the Normans had archers and the [TS]

  British forgot their archers they [TS]

  literally left their archers behind [TS]

  because the archers couldn't move as [TS]

  fast or something and so rain of arrows [TS]

  comes down shield wall goes up horses [TS]

  shields [TS]

  I mean basically the British all they [TS]

  had was the shield wall but it was very [TS]

  effective and they fight back and forth [TS]

  all day long and this is a thing [TS]

  this is an era when people fought [TS]

  battles that lasted for a half an hour [TS]

  like they went in to kick your ass then [TS]

  any and you know you had a leather hat [TS]

  and they hit you with a sword and the [TS]

  leather hat didn't do anything and you [TS]

  back and back in those days I mean he [TS]

  would have these sort of limited [TS]

  resources and if you just made a couple [TS]

  good holes that it might be all over [TS]

  right you guys writing it holds and [TS]

  couple of holes in the flank and and [TS]

  that's that you know gameover gameover [TS]

  but they fought all day these two armies [TS]

  not separable nobody was really winning [TS]

  they were just brutalizing each other [TS]

  and then sort of the end of the day [TS]

  people are getting tired and and and the [TS]

  turning point of the battle was the [TS]

  Normans did another one of these like [TS]

  attacks at the shield wall and then they [TS]

  pretended to get this they pretended to [TS]

  run away the Normans pretended to run [TS]

  away and the British broke their shield [TS]

  wall to pursue them down the hill like [TS]

  father on the run and the minute they [TS]

  break the shield while they chase they [TS]

  chased the Normans down the hill and [TS]

  then the horses swoop around and cut [TS]

  them off and then [TS]

  oh fuck the shield-wall was the only [TS]

  defense they had it was the only [TS]

  technology they had and they they they [TS]

  broke it to pursue the the Normans down [TS]

  the hill and then they realized their [TS]

  mistake [TS]

  and the shield-wall was really effective [TS]

  both in terms of the surprise but [TS]

  primarily as a a really strong defensive [TS]

  deterrent it wasn't an offensive weapon [TS]

  until you were attacked it was it was [TS]

  impenetrable but in a situation like [TS]

  this the burden of proof is on the [TS]

  Normans they were the invaders if they [TS]

  can't get past the shield-wall you're [TS]

  just gonna push him into the ocean but [TS]

  that's the thing it's one battle it's [TS]

  just it's like it's like 5000 guys here [TS]

  five thousand guys there the whole [TS]

  history of the nation the whole history [TS]

  of the West is like turns on this day it [TS]

  lasted one day it's been ads and then [TS]

  the Normans were like we win and they [TS]

  could they marched their put poop flag [TS]

  all the way across the country and [TS]

  they're like here we are you guys clear [TS]

  your furniture outlet take we're taking [TS]

  everything on Z and they that's right [TS]

  Posey and they did they took everything [TS]

  and then it's like oh ok now that's it [TS]

  that's out this geez Louise and the Pope [TS]

  flag up everybody you know you carry a [TS]

  thing like that around [TS]

  I mean that odd King Harold let alone [TS]

  just some country bumpkin somewhere some [TS]

  you know some hobbits living in the [TS]

  central England been i bet it made the [TS]

  Pope proud once things got back to him [TS]

  that his flag had been so effective [TS]

  tata must have bullied him I better yet [TS]

  but he's not strong more strongly than [TS]

  ever about the five bears at that point [TS]

  everybody heard that story and they were [TS]

  like Pope flag respect it's just part of [TS]

  me that really wishes public TV we're [TS]

  still good because you could have a [TS]

  jamesburg style runch on there any [TS]

  feeling the cable you could be a cable [TS]

  thing I mean I guess you could have some [TS]

  kind of an independent production but [TS]

  let's let's reinvent it you know all of [TS]

  our friends now have these NPR shows [TS]

  yeah it's like NPR for years was this [TS]

  unassailable tower who is this ivory [TS]

  tower for the consuming public radiation [TS]

  is like you know mcdonald's gift [TS]

  certificates yeah now you're just waltz [TS]

  in there and you say i'm i'm a guy I've [TS]

  got a moustache give me a public radio [TS]

  show and they do have an offensive [TS]

  sardonic wit ya [TS]

  yeah well we can do that and we could we [TS]

  get that we could do that [TS]

  yeah there's also the problem of the a [TS]

  dats you know i mean in retrospect you [TS]

  had seemingly the clunkers yeah you know [TS]

  I mean it's it seems so obvious now you [TS]

  know it'sit's AE when you're making [TS]

  these especially like what would like [TS]

  early tanks and stuff like that right [TS]

  early tanks now generally takes didn't [TS]

  have treads right there basically just [TS]

  like difficult to put to maneuver trucks [TS]

  no I thought the the early tanks got [TS]

  treads pretty fast because they were [TS]

  used to learn that lesson pretty quick [TS]

  yeah they made their introduction in [TS]

  world war one and and a tank with wheels [TS]

  was going to get mired them the treads [TS]

  were where they were one of the big [TS]

  innovations there's no there was no [TS]

  battle of like the monitor versus the [TS]

  Merrimack of Tanks no armor armored [TS]

  Conestoga's where they were just like [TS]

  boats that they kind of have sank over [TS]

  at know that tanks tanks were were [TS]

  pretty fully realized pretty fast they [TS]

  did what they didn't have initially was [TS]

  big guns they just had machine guns it [TS]

  was just like a it's like that like [TS]

  long-range artillery yeah it was just a [TS]

  house with machine guns that you could [TS]

  move into the other guys from yard and [TS]

  it was only later that they were like [TS]

  you know we could put a big cannon on [TS]

  this too [TS]

  oh I see what you're saying it wasn't [TS]

  just a way to like have this this [TS]

  hulking thing that could move across the [TS]

  field without getting blown up it would [TS]

  in that case it would be almost like [TS]

  more like a transporter add a defensive [TS]

  weapon you're saying that was big [TS]

  development put the gun on there that is [TS]

  what you want thought of that upfront [TS]

  you it was a thing where they that they [TS]

  have this they were fighting in trenches [TS]

  and they were like how do we get how do [TS]

  we break this stalemate [TS]

  they've got a trench we've got a trench [TS]

  to any time we send somebody out in the [TS]

  middle that they just get turned amber [TS]

  the barrier to entry in the trench or is [TS]

  low and the cost is high [TS]

  that's right so they were like let's [TS]

  make let's make a bulldozer that has [TS]

  that has a house on it a metal house [TS]

  will put a metal house on a bulldozer [TS]

  what about that they're like yeah we [TS]

  could do that what if we put machine [TS]

  guns in it a metal house with machine [TS]

  guns then we drive it over there barbed [TS]

  wire and then we just parked there and [TS]

  shoot him [TS]

  yeah good idea who it is that that the [TS]

  beyond there since it was those a coat [TS]

  anchor steam that's where it got its [TS]

  name [TS]

  we have to come to sherman tank William [TS]

  William tanker tankers take your [TS]

  students in Johnson no I don't you know [TS]

  I don't know what [TS]

  well I don't know it wasn't pershing [TS]

  know just maybe generals now [TS]

  no but that was it [TS]

  grant so did you see that Lincoln movie [TS]

  I haven't seen it yet because well for a [TS]

  lot of reasons but but my thing with the [TS]

  Daniel day-lewis 'as i like to wait for [TS]

  the smoke to clear before i go see it if [TS]

  they lose anymore [TS]

  well Daniel day-lewis he think he gets a [TS]

  pass [TS]

  there's a lot there's a lot of reasons [TS]

  why somebody like me would be suspicious [TS]

  of Daniel day-lewis but i am not i will [TS]

  go see Daniel day-lewis just as a [TS]

  hypothetical excluding yourself why [TS]

  would somebody like you be a little [TS]

  suspicious of Daniel day-lewis well [TS]

  there's a there that his method to get [TS]

  to think my method is unsound I don't [TS]

  see any method isn't that app yeah he's [TS]

  basically he's basically the colonel [TS]

  kurtz of a holic with oh ok so he's like [TS]

  one of those dinero inhabit the role [TS]

  kind of guys and he goes way past that [TS]

  yeah and I feel like I feel actually cut [TS]

  off cut off his left foot you know he [TS]

  did I think yeah he went for the Lincoln [TS]

  roll his foot and foot gained 50 pounds [TS]

  for the role he actually he went and [TS]

  lived in a in a log cabin in Illinois [TS]

  for 25 years preparing for this role but [TS]

  no I will go see it you're the only [TS]

  thing the only redeeming feature of [TS]

  gangs of new york was said okay Louis as [TS]

  a weird movie it was a terrible movie [TS]

  but Daniel day-lewis was I do I thought [TS]

  transcendent I would have just that if [TS]

  they had cut everything else out and [TS]

  just show Daniel day-lewis for a half an [TS]

  hour I would [TS]

  what about there will be blood [TS]

  the problem with their there will be [TS]

  blood is the way that movie starts with [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah there's like this sadness this [TS]

  violin sound this room I crazy-making [TS]

  violin sound at the very start of the [TS]

  movie and I just turned me against the [TS]

  film for the whole rest of the films [TS]

  like whether they have that sounds so [TS]

  well as a weird movie that was it that [TS]

  was it that was a terrible sound to [TS]

  start this movie off with that I and an [TS]

  object you set your sensitive to sound [TS]

  insensitive but your you know your manly [TS]

  about it but it you know ass and put you [TS]

  off the sound can put me off a film [TS]

  there are a lot of things that can put [TS]

  me off the film with our brother there [TS]

  is i mentioned is it it starts out i [TS]

  guess like you know look like private [TS]

  ryan it starts out with the really grew [TS]

  some slow motion civil war battle [TS]

  yeah whoo yeah now let's see if it's one [TS]

  of those you know it'sit's again it's a [TS]

  and at some point I'd like to return to [TS]

  your feelings about things like drones [TS]

  it went if you're comfortable with it [TS]

  because it seems like it's kind of [TS]

  becoming a thing and I'd like to write I [TS]

  know you're not into what i believe you [TS]

  called chicken shit fighting with things [TS]

  like like far away shooting and drugs [TS]

  but what you really get a sense of what [TS]

  hand-to-hand combat really means the [TS]

  term you're just sitting there and [TS]

  hitting somebody on the head and stabbed [TS]

  him with that knife until they die and [TS]

  that is what that is what war should be [TS]

  and should always be too technical and [TS]

  this is my problem with it is that as we [TS]

  become technologically able to get away [TS]

  from war then it becomes boo [TS]

  ridiculously easy to to go blow people [TS]

  apart you know that the people on the [TS]

  receiving end of a sidewinder missiles [TS]

  fired from a drone by a by a US Air [TS]

  Force captain who's sitting in a trailer [TS]

  and air-conditioned trailer outside of [TS]

  Las Vegas Nevada the person on the [TS]

  receiving end of that Sidewinder missile [TS]

  is just as blown apart it's it's just [TS]

  the guy that fires the fire the missile [TS]

  that suffers no consequences but the you [TS]

  know my feeling Merlin is that that [TS]

  rather than [TS]

  scale-up sighs war super-sized war we [TS]

  need to return to an era of neighborhood [TS]

  stick fights neighborhood stick fights [TS]

  neighborhood against neighborhood we [TS]

  need to us we need to institutionalize [TS]

  this in America we need to stop playing [TS]

  football for one that's and that's a big [TS]

  distraction John football's a tremendous [TS]

  distraction that and that all that [TS]

  energy could be better channeled into [TS]

  neighborhood stick fights and it would [TS]

  it seems to me that it would have to be [TS]

  sticks that you can find in your [TS]

  neighborhood you should not be able to [TS]

  amazon prime a better stick cause that [TS]

  defeats the purpose of the neighborhood [TS]

  stick fight [TS]

  absolutely and the thing about [TS]

  neighborhoods tick bite is that joining [TS]

  the neighborhood stick fight team is [TS]

  100-percent voluntary now stick with me [TS]

  through this if i put up posters in my [TS]

  neighborhood that said neighborhood [TS]

  stick fights we are going to go down the [TS]

  hill and we will all of us up here in [TS]

  rainier of you are going to get a little [TS]

  gang together we're going to go down the [TS]

  hill and we're gonna have a stick fight [TS]

  on the football field with the all of [TS]

  those assholes in columbia city and [TS]

  human City now who would be attracted [TS]

  who'd show up to that meeting the answer [TS]

  every asshole in my neighborhood like it [TS]

  it would be a self-selecting process the [TS]

  people who would be interested in being [TS]

  on the stick fighting team are the [TS]

  violence idiots [TS]

  yeah that are precisely the people in my [TS]

  neighborhood that I would a want [TS]

  fighting on my name on a mighty have a [TS]

  and B the people in my neighborhood that [TS]

  I would want killed or injured like the [TS]

  80 it is it is it is a natural selection [TS]

  process we would pit neighborhoods [TS]

  against one another in self-selecting [TS]

  voluntary stick fighting teams it is but [TS]

  it is fighting literally with sticks [TS]

  until the other organic organic locally [TS]

  sourced sticks whatever stick you can [TS]

  find the best ticket fine until the [TS]

  other team is too injured or dead to [TS]

  continue okay get two questions be [TS]

  if you win the neighborhood stick fight [TS]

  and you like their sticks better can you [TS]

  keep them castle kinda like when beta [TS]

  ray bill gates Thor's hammer is that ok [TS]

  you can it take your sticks okay and [TS]

  then a here's the point part first of [TS]

  all if I could say a1 I i think it would [TS]

  be useful to have that poster not not in [TS]

  a faggy way but make it have multiple [TS]

  languages on because you can extend [TS]

  extremely diverse neighborhood that's [TS]

  exactly what this is all about to show [TS]

  up you're gonna have to put somebody's [TS]

  on there some oies yeah what you would [TS]

  have in Vietnamese you would have it in [TS]

  Spanish I don't think you would like it [TS]

  a lot that you would have it in black [TS]

  language yeah I don't think you would [TS]

  get a lot of sub of hispanic stick [TS]

  fighters but there be a few ok i think [TS]

  there would be a lot of Vietnamese guys [TS]

  you can tell them they'll be cool cars [TS]

  there [TS]

  do you know what the thing is these are [TS]

  these are these are either fighting men [TS]

  and women and you don't want to lie to [TS]

  them my only thought is this and this is [TS]

  the point part is yes most of the people [TS]

  are going to be there for the stick and [TS]

  the fight but i want to know more and in [TS]

  the movie about this i want to know more [TS]

  about the people who are there for the [TS]

  neighborhood part because that that's [TS]

  when you're going to have the surprising [TS]

  old and lame ladies show up and say yes [TS]

  I don't want to have to fight with a [TS]

  stick but i feel very strongly about our [TS]

  neighborhood that's right I've always [TS]

  hated hillman city and I'm city art I [TS]

  they're assholes [TS]

  the thing is so so you have you have [TS]

  these you have these situations where [TS]

  everyone saw a little lady tries to get [TS]

  in there but you know it's a [TS]

  neighborhood situation so so once the [TS]

  once human City once you once you kind [TS]

  of like pulverize them on the little old [TS]

  ladies come out may kick they kicked him [TS]

  in the groin or whatever it is the [TS]

  ladies do they think I'm argue with them [TS]

  about an expired coupons and then the [TS]

  winner of that fight goes on to the [TS]

  regionals and will you know the winner [TS]

  of that fight fights like a fights [TS]

  cherry hill or whatever although they're [TS]

  just a bunch of Seattle you students up [TS]

  there nobody works like an easy stick [TS]

  fight west seattle about that that would [TS]

  be a hell of a stick and like what [TS]

  alderman come and like wear robes [TS]

  absofuckinglutely and you would do this [TS]

  periodically it would quit would clean [TS]

  out all the bad blood you got you got to [TS]

  have a war every few years gotta have a [TS]

  war yes then you're than the Seattle the [TS]

  victorious Seattle stick fighting team [TS]

  would take on Portland's top stick [TS]

  fighting team and that you would just go [TS]

  all the way to the Super Bowl stick [TS]

  fights where presumably every year would [TS]

  be pittsburgh pittsburgh vs oakland but [TS]

  now we're back to the football problem [TS]

  but the thing is it's not always [TS]

  declined [TS]

  you're literally beating each other to [TS]

  death [TS]

  ok to if I if you can say do you think [TS]

  that maybe in your neighborhood is there [TS]

  a feisty but beloved old lady could you [TS]

  think you could find a feisty maybe just [TS]

  beloved beloved would be fine just [TS]

  enough to be feisty should be a [TS]

  quiescent but if you find a feisty lady [TS]

  and she gets killed in a neighborhood [TS]

  stick fight you gotta poop flag on your [TS]

  hands now you've got a mandate you've [TS]

  got a martyr you've got you've got a [TS]

  call Gotham that you can put on the [TS]

  flagpole if you follow [TS]

  yeah absolutely ready review would be [TS]

  unstoppable because your horse horse [TS]

  what's the deal what's the song is the [TS]

  song or stub of our civilian League you [TS]

  know you know the song there was this [TS]

  guy special course definitely yeah am I [TS]

  saying that right and i have a stroke [TS]

  I don't know this story about horse [TS]

  vessel supposedly being killed what I [TS]

  choose right of course and that became [TS]

  like what i want all people the Jews [TS]

  they did it they did we will rock you we [TS]

  are the champions thing where it was it [TS]

  was totally new braless and horse vessel [TS]

  lead [TS]

  yeah which is I think the lyrics are [TS]

  pretty bad i think the dignity like an [TS]

  old song and Mako somebody killed horse [TS]

  vessel probably basically like it was so [TS]

  it's basically john denver's career but [TS]

  you do is lead if you go and you watch [TS]

  that referenced allmovie I don't even [TS]

  have that this time speaking of this [TS]

  phonetically that they say it they say [TS]

  that people know the words to the horse [TS]

  usually oh yes they do right you need [TS]

  usually oh yes they do right you need [TS]

  professionally for a beloved old lady in [TS]

  your neighborhood that people can sting [TS]

  saying that neighborhood stick fights [TS]

  but I'm telling you is you really have [TS]

  to die you can fake it you can fake it [TS]

  now you would want to fake it you want [TS]

  to really die you want people to really [TS]

  have a little bit of you know you want [TS]

  to dip that flag in her blood [TS]

  aah the thing is if you had if you have [TS]

  that shit like that going on there would [TS]

  be a lot fewer invasions of Iraq I'm us [TS]

  and so many fewer morbidly obese men [TS]

  buying era official football jerseys [TS]

  well and all of these out of my [TS]

  neighborhood stick fight in there and [TS]

  all right guys all of your all of your [TS]

  Ted Nugent's like ted nugent the problem [TS]

  of Ted Nugent would have been solved 25 [TS]

  years ago because he would have felt [TS]

  compelled by his constant macho rhetoric [TS]

  he would have felt compelled to prove [TS]

  himself on the stick fighting field and [TS]

  he would have gone out there and got his [TS]

  ass handed to him by some by some guy [TS]

  who had his frontal lobe dissected and [TS]

  it was potentially a clone Nugent future [TS]

  would have been impaled on a stick 25 [TS]

  years ago and wanted it more [TS]

  the clone wanted more sure he's sitting [TS]

  around doing pull offs and and bar [TS]

  chords and here comes the man who [TS]

  literally has no no frontal lobe is [TS]

  being controlled by aliens or possibly [TS]

  ladies with coupons to live under [TS]

  Antarctica Arctic any of the point the [TS]

  point is that like you can bring all the [TS]

  crossbow you want but you get a man a [TS]

  motivated man with the Pope flag and [TS]

  stick he's going to make a journey to [TS]

  the center your goddamn mind [TS]

  it's like moose from Archie right move [TS]

  it [TS]

  Nugent against moose who all fine Tomlin [TS]

  yeah tell me when was the last one was [TS]

  last even halfway decent Ted Nugent [TS]

  album [TS]

  yeah it coincided about the time that he [TS]

  that Newton should have died on the on [TS]

  the quality and somewhere in Detroit [TS]

  there would be a pope flag with Nugent's [TS]

  face on it that had been dipped in his [TS]

  blood may be fighting for Nugent to this [TS]

  day and and all of the impoverished [TS]

  neighborhoods of Detroit you know the [TS]

  thing is he [TS]

  I know you have a soft spot for Detroit [TS]

  and scared spider to some extent but [TS]

  imagine how that city could be [TS]

  revitalized if they would pick up some [TS]

  sticks [TS]

  I mean just the civic pride that they [TS]

  could bring back it would certainly get [TS]

  rid of a lot of the malingerers I don't [TS]

  they have good sticks in Detroit think [TS]

  it's all it's all automatic now here's [TS]

  the here's the translation of the horse [TS]

  whistle song flag high ranks closed [TS]

  already sounds like a neighborhood stick [TS]

  fight the essay marches with silent [TS]

  solid steps [TS]

  mmm comrades shot by the red front and [TS]

  reaction so the comments are shot both [TS]

  by the red front and the red reaction [TS]

  comrades marching spirit with us in our [TS]

  ranks so their dead comrades are [TS]

  marching ok so it's the it's the [TS]

  socialist it's not a communist communist [TS]

  not the jews did well but the Jews and [TS]

  communists there's no distinction peas [TS]

  and carrots the street 34 the brown [TS]

  battalions we're not talking about brown [TS]

  skin their time of brown shirts the [TS]

  street free for the stormtroopers not [TS]

  talking about Star Wars talk about Nazi [TS]

  storm troopers millions lotto wish ps4 [TS]

  good milkins full vote [TS]

  look up at the swastika the day breaks [TS]

  for freedom and for bread little bit of [TS]

  red and a little bread and circuses for [TS]

  the masses who so the guy that's [TS]

  listening to this world they're marching [TS]

  by the guy listening to it is like yeah [TS]

  but what is this about what good is this [TS]

  for me and then they say bread at the [TS]

  end of that first and he's like oh right [TS]

  bread i'm into bread is a lot of the [TS]

  last first 20 yeah you keep going for [TS]

  the last time the call will now be blown [TS]

  lo the call blow the phone [TS]

  ok we're not talking about NFL rest [TS]

  they're talking about losing your own [TS]

  norton anthology with footnotes they're [TS]

  talking about a horn blowing the call in [TS]

  you know in a ram's horn who are not [TS]

  talking about the new wave band but now [TS]

  not not a ram's horn like they used in [TS]

  the gym i'm walking out on a car not a [TS]

  Jew horn at you horn [TS]

  bro so far so good for the struggle now [TS]

  we all stand ready soon we'll fly Hitler [TS]

  flags over every street like a flag this [TS]

  is a Hitler flag soon we'll fly Hitler [TS]

  flanks over every street slavery will [TS]

  last only a short time longer [TS]

  oh man right there implying of course [TS]

  slavery to the to the Jewish communists [TS]

  overloads but they're also leaving a [TS]

  little wiggle room in their slavery will [TS]

  last only a short time longer but they [TS]

  don't stay don't specify how much like [TS]

  that's like the universe being created [TS]

  in seven days you know what I mean like [TS]

  slavery [TS]

  we might have to have a little bit of [TS]

  slavery to but just a little [TS]

  imagine being of I'm are a genius and [TS]

  having to hear those lyrics could you [TS]

  could you imagine being like kurt vile [TS]

  and happy to sit around and listen to [TS]

  that shit [TS]

  yeah sitting and sitting in your like [TS]

  ornately decorated like sitting sitting [TS]

  there with this just the the ease with [TS]

  which so many of the artistic geniuses [TS]

  of that decade created so much amazing [TS]

  stuff that should have lasted there [TS]

  they're the ones that should last a [TS]

  fucking thousand years you're in your [TS]

  fitness akala partment you have your [TS]

  beautiful like Klimt paintings on the [TS]

  walls [TS]

  you're taking a little bit of snuff off [TS]

  of your extra-long pinky fingernail got [TS]

  a radio these ding-dongs are out in the [TS]

  street outside marching singing this [TS]

  asshole song you know i will get i will [TS]

  give them i will i will give them that [TS]

  that might not be a generous translation [TS]

  as with stuff like let's say like [TS]

  Beethoven's like ode to joy when you [TS]

  hear it when you hear the words in [TS]

  English certainly not nearly as cool so [TS]

  I'll give them that maybe that sounds [TS]

  great with with a marshal beat you know [TS]

  but the book that's terrible terrible [TS]

  lyrics and and for the amount of [TS]

  specificity that went into that it was [TS]

  not really that historically useful and [TS]

  it was not really that rousing fucking [TS]

  Hitler flag over every street over every [TS]

  street that part came true [TS]

  mm-hmm yeah I i guess you know why they [TS]

  got the Brownshirts right you got them [TS]

  all over the goddamn bulk they were you [TS]

  guys didn't I think that exactly i think [TS]

  a bunch of people said like we don't [TS]

  need let's drop these off at das good [TS]

  will they were the summer they were the [TS]

  unused summer uniforms lever from 41 [TS]

  represent nordstrom and his longtime [TS]

  companion were walking through thrift [TS]

  stores they were doing was called us [TS]

  drifting through and they said dr. [TS]

  Lieber looks pretty nice shirts off [TS]

  Braun scheisse [TS]

  yeah shuts off Braun yeah they were like [TS]

  we can get these for pennies on the [TS]

  dollar at but you know what the you know [TS]

  what the innovation one that's according [TS]

  lochinver Brownshirts stores inchasa [TS]

  that if the innovation was not the brown [TS]

  shirt the innovation was the black tie [TS]

  oh it's a it's a smart super duper gay [TS]

  look you know what I mean like brown [TS]

  shirt sure you look like you look like a [TS]

  lion tamer at the zoo but you put a [TS]

  black tie on that it looked like a [TS]

  docent really yeah yeah yeah and those [TS]

  fruity hats [TS]

  it's hate a lot of thought went into [TS]

  that there's others actually a whole [TS]

  book I never I never finished but [TS]

  there's a whole book about the like [TS]

  homoerotic like of course they would [TS]

  never say it was deliberate but like the [TS]

  SS uniforms man you know who you know [TS]

  who was one of the main Taylor's of the [TS]

  SS uniforms loss what Hugo Boss maybe [TS]

  it's a real hugo boss hugo boss did not [TS]

  he didn't design the Nazi uniforms but [TS]

  the hugo boss company and hugo boss what [TS]

  were one of the main manufacturers of [TS]

  Nazi uniforms made this ties leather [TS]

  trench coats the bear bear bear bear [TS]

  filing shy about the aspirin makers bear [TS]

  right [TS]

  crappie drops made that made the hats [TS]

  they made the big move those little [TS]

  blender milkshake maker drawn made the [TS]

  shirts and the razors and the razors and [TS]

  the Volkswagen made the shoes [TS]

  that's right and nobody made the trains [TS]

  run on [TS]

  my god it's fucking Pope flag and [TS]

  cursing you know I need a pope like to [TS]

  i-i-i thought for a while that it was [TS]

  going to be this boba fett a life-size [TS]

  boba fett helmet on a on a popsicle [TS]

  stick your head on a pike [TS]

  yeah nobody rally to me I was I'd wave [TS]

  it around and people just [TS]