Roderick on the Line

Ep. 63: "A Topcoat of Bonkers"


  beep hello [TS]

  hello hello hello hello [TS]

  why don't hear anything to come here now [TS]

  oh there you are haha he fooled you [TS]

  you had a you had a mute on [TS]

  worse than that it's a technical failure [TS]

  on my part [TS]

  what was it Mike not plugged in its you [TS]

  do you really care yeah I do [TS]

  really though I like I like to know [TS]

  about with ya and amateur technologist [TS]

  no more i had the wrong and audio input [TS]

  set up in skype and so my USB microphone [TS]

  was not used as the audio input [TS]

  oh my god boo [TS]

  well i was i I thought it was me because [TS]

  day bazan was over here the other day [TS]

  and he was trying to target disk mode [TS]

  some files knows about target disk mode [TS]

  into my computer and he hot plugged my [TS]

  my fireface firewire interface huh [TS]

  and so I was like oh ships you know back [TS]

  in the old days if you hot plug [TS]

  something hot [TS]

  if you hijacked it then maybe the get it [TS]

  it frizz your whole motherboard i was [TS]

  super concerned that my motherboard was [TS]

  frizzed and that's why I couldn't hear [TS]

  you right you what you know you gotta be [TS]

  careful if you're doing any kind of hot [TS]

  boxing on the pop bored you want to make [TS]

  sure that you got a full USB bus on your [TS]

  chigger bite that's what wow yeah so [TS]

  anyway it go did was he able to uh [TS]

  that'sthat's a tremendous thing of [TS]

  firewire target disk was he so he's [TS]

  getting some songs off to give you [TS]

  probably yeah and we what we ended up [TS]

  doing this is the thing that's [TS]

  embarrassing is that we were sitting [TS]

  around with her we couldn't figure out [TS]

  that you're in my in my octopus's garden [TS]

  of 7,000 cables seven thousand different [TS]

  versions of firewire and USB cables here [TS]

  we couldn't figure we couldn't find the [TS]

  right cable and then he pulled out one [TS]

  of these little USB drives that's the [TS]

  size of the you know how ski it was like [TS]

  oh i think i can put other put four gigs [TS]

  of stuff on this and I was like oh I got [TS]

  a couple of those around here too and [TS]

  and we did it all on those little this [TS]

  dumb little [TS]

  totally losing bowl USB drives did that [TS]

  make you feel like a wizard or a doofus [TS]

  or something in between [TS]

  mm I think I feel like a wizard when I [TS]

  can do that I it's definitely amazing [TS]

  yeah but it but I looked at this look at [TS]

  this room full of gizmos in boxes and [TS]

  cabling and all this like all this gear [TS]

  and then i looked at the little USB [TS]

  Drive which has an entire album on it [TS]

  and I was like uh a little bit slow a [TS]

  little bit dumb now because this thing [TS]

  you mean you know Jonathan Coulton gives [TS]

  away those USB drives with his entire [TS]

  catalog on them smart it's amazingly [TS]

  smart but but the equivalent at bar sook [TS]

  is that they sell you a reel-to-reel [TS]

  tapes in that in a box that has its own [TS]

  wheels so uh huh you know that's the [TS]

  sprockets can be real hard to replace [TS]

  you know you have the oil I'm going to [TS]

  boil your sprocket that's it that's nice [TS]

  that they're doing that down there [TS]

  moving forward right we're all moving [TS]

  forward like it or nine can help moving [TS]

  forward no sir i'm glad we did this [TS]

  happen with this john and you know what [TS]

  you know what Merlin i'm sitting here [TS]

  and in front of me are two comic books [TS]

  on my desk to comic books to comic books [TS]

  two separate taken they didn't take me [TS]

  somewhere we're going to provoke me are [TS]

  you being straight up my first comic [TS]

  book here is Joe Sacco's Palestine a [TS]

  graphic novel and then there's one over [TS]

  here [TS]

  shigeru mizuki Mizuki's onward towards [TS]

  our noble deaths with you with these [TS]

  gifts they were but I am I have decided [TS]

  here's what i've decided i always loved [TS]

  graphic novels from the very beginning [TS]

  you know and and and what what am I [TS]

  trying to say like like american [TS]

  splendor or Dennis I corn we talked [TS]

  about Dennis I corn was like that some [TS]

  of the column slice-of-life comics like [TS]

  that's kind of a silly name but they're [TS]

  like you know Harvey Pekar stuff it's [TS]

  like you know real world [TS]

  real world and dumpling and stuff yeah [TS]

  and I i always like that stuff and then [TS]

  that that a and R crumb of course being [TS]

  my introduction to it and and the and [TS]

  the greatest and the great American hero [TS]

  but now I've decided that graphic novels [TS]

  are an art form that everyone else is [TS]

  enjoying and I am NOT enjoying them out [TS]

  of just out of a spirit of curmudgeonly [TS]

  pneus Wow because I go to bookstores and [TS]

  I see the graphic novels which net which [TS]

  used to be like four titles that used to [TS]

  be a used to be mouse mouse watch many [TS]

  to others [TS]

  yeah mouse button and then like the [TS]

  great dark rooms breast cancer Fritz the [TS]

  Cat you know right and and now now it's [TS]

  like a it's a it's a whole wall of the [TS]

  bookstore that stretches to infinity and [TS]

  I look at regular you know what it's [TS]

  probably all manga it's probably all [TS]

  just a the just dumb porn and and it's [TS]

  like octopuses have an intercourse with [TS]

  school girls on ships exactly and you [TS]

  read it [TS]

  fucking backward and you read it [TS]

  backwards and I don't want to fuck that [TS]

  I don't need that in my life [TS]

  no but I'm realizing that I am wrong [TS]

  I'm being a curmudgeon and I actually [TS]

  love this art form and that i need to [TS]

  get over myself [TS]

  whoa know it hurts me to say it and [TS]

  start start participating in this this [TS]

  wonderful turn of events I I couple [TS]

  years ago somebody gave me a graphic [TS]

  novel called blankets which was written [TS]

  by a guy in Portland that I know and my [TS]

  friend Tucker Martine was working on a [TS]

  record that went along with this graphic [TS]

  novel and it was a heartbreakingly [TS]

  beautiful book and I was like and of [TS]

  course as I read it I was like well this [TS]

  has got to be the exception there are no [TS]

  octopuses fucking teenage girls in this [TS]

  book this is about someone losing their [TS]

  faith in the volume love for the first [TS]

  time and I mean this is black salon the [TS]

  casino for these yeah this is too [TS]

  beautiful and this guy that this this [TS]

  book that i have on my table here the [TS]

  Palestine by joe sacco i read a book by [TS]

  him one time a few years ago where he [TS]

  was talking [TS]

  the war in Bosnia and it was beautiful [TS]

  and fabulous and I was like well this [TS]

  can't be a thing that is normal this is [TS]

  this has got to be an aberration now I'm [TS]

  realizing it's it is my taste that is [TS]

  the aberration [TS]

  Wow John this is a good on you man [TS]

  that's we've talked about this before we [TS]

  gotta be I think it's good for men of a [TS]

  certain age and ladies to be somewhat [TS]

  circumspect i'm super calcified on a lot [TS]

  of things I I admire this though and [TS]

  this is you you keep up with the music [TS]

  and now you're looking at the more [TS]

  sophisticated funny books this is my mom [TS]

  this is awesome man [TS]

  yeah so now i'm just not just not just [TS]

  as a person's you know I was on my [TS]

  comics I'm just saying it good for you [TS]

  for looking at something that you know [TS]

  little foreign silly [TS]

  well yeah and that you know and what I [TS]

  had to do what I had to admit was that [TS]

  from the from my very first exposure to [TS]

  this type of book which probably [TS]

  happened in college I don't think i was [TS]

  i don't think i met Harvey Pekar and [TS]

  Dennis Eichorn until I was rather in [TS]

  college but I immediately identified [TS]

  with the form and I wanted to make a [TS]

  graphic novel of my own I wanted to make [TS]

  it a autobiographical long-form comic [TS]

  book of my own and I didn't know how to [TS]

  do it i'm not i I'm i can draw but i'm [TS]

  not a drawer and I was like this you [TS]

  know this is like the great [TS]

  this is the great art form and I I think [TS]

  I I think maybe my disappointment that I [TS]

  never was able to figure out exactly how [TS]

  to put the pieces together to actually [TS]

  do a book like that of mice my own cause [TS]

  me to turn my back on it a little bit [TS]

  because I was because I was like oh it's [TS]

  so I'm so mad you know I don't think [TS]

  about i think i think you're you get [TS]

  your finger on something very [TS]

  interesting i think i think that i think [TS]

  that can certainly have with music I bet [TS]

  it sure as heck happens with films you [TS]

  know filmmaking or anything like that [TS]

  the vocab you understand you know using [TS]

  this with with the young kids were like [TS]

  you understand the vocabulary or [TS]

  something you know how to [TS]

  the tennis racket but it's really [TS]

  different from spending enough time [TS]

  inside of that process to actually [TS]

  produce something that you don't hate [TS]

  yeah the the when you want to when I was [TS]

  young I i imagine that the barrier to [TS]

  entry was was imaginative that the thing [TS]

  that kept you from making films or [TS]

  making graphic novels was that you had [TS]

  you didn't have enough imagination yet [TS]

  you hadn't you didn't have a great good [TS]

  enough story but you realize later that [TS]

  the barrier to entry is often just a [TS]

  structural its just its technical like [TS]

  you don't know how to work a camera and [TS]

  you can look at a scene and say this is [TS]

  how this is the picture I imagine the [TS]

  picture but i can't I don't know what an [TS]

  f-stop is I can't take that I can't take [TS]

  the picture and to say that the barrier [TS]

  to entry to making a graphic novel is [TS]

  that you don't know how to draw his prey [TS]

  is it is pretty like a node ah but but [TS]

  also i mean if i had if I had been [TS]

  working on this for 20 years I would [TS]

  have I would have developed an ability [TS]

  to draw well enough to accomplish when I [TS]

  was initiated you might be a retired [TS]

  comic book artist to this yeah right but [TS]

  instead i was like also a graphic [TS]

  graphic novel retired retired colonel in [TS]

  the graphic artists army so anyway yeah [TS]

  I'm having a very very exciting time now [TS]

  letting some of my mic the sum of the [TS]

  the hardened calcium that has built up [TS]

  it around my idea of comics I'm having a [TS]

  fun time chipping away at that and [TS]

  reading these wonderful books that have [TS]

  pictures drawing pictures [TS]

  mhm well I am I said I don't want to [TS]

  insert myself into this process because [TS]

  you know I'm gonna stay out of it and [TS]

  the way I'm going to reward this by not [TS]

  going on and on about comics with you [TS]

  and I will wait at least 30 days [TS]

  Oh before I start sending you trade [TS]

  paperbacks you never asked for [TS]

  I think you should read okay that's [TS]

  that's kind of a thing that i do now [TS]

  oh alright alright getting things in the [TS]

  mail pile of mail i was going to say [TS]

  trying to a young [TS]

  person the other day and i say i got [TS]

  this up it's happening more and more [TS]

  strangely i don't know what mustache but [TS]

  its head [TS]

  I said yeah you know back in the old [TS]

  days I you know I used to have dinner in [TS]

  this particular cafe so much that when [TS]

  people were traveling and they wanted to [TS]

  send me letters they would send the [TS]

  letters to this cafe instead of because [TS]

  I didn't know where I lived and moved [TS]

  too much but they would send me they [TS]

  would send letters to this cat cafe and [TS]

  carry me and the young person said oh [TS]

  did did you and your friends like where [TS]

  you into like sending letters and stuff [TS]

  and and and the young person said it in [TS]

  such a way as to betray that they [TS]

  thought that sending letters was like a [TS]

  like a pretty cool gimmick like a pretty [TS]

  cool like stick [TS]

  I mean like almost like it was something [TS]

  retro they might want to pick up like [TS]

  the meeting or something [TS]

  ya like like it was like it was [TS]

  artisanal emailing and I said I said [TS]

  well yeah we did we sent letters back [TS]

  and forth because that was that that was [TS]

  all we had the family with you [TS]

  communicate with someone when they were [TS]

  young once you run out of pigeons or [TS]

  signal flags like they sent me they sent [TS]

  me a postcard because otherwise I didn't [TS]

  hear from them for nine months and the [TS]

  and this person like you something them [TS]

  look off and go oh right right why men [TS]

  look back at me kind of like good and [TS]

  you could see that they saw me they they [TS]

  saw bowler hat on my head [TS]

  the monocle and spats that's like yeah i [TS]

  know i'm up i'm old person nice snuffbox [TS]

  i have a i still have a box that has a [TS]

  bunch of letter letters from girls and [TS]

  it's tied together with a little rhythm [TS]

  dear john you are the biggest asshole [TS]

  ever i burned online in a Weber grill [TS]

  you didn't now god yeah I used to have a [TS]

  man in separate boxes by my girlfriend [TS]

  first [TS]

  ok divert some of them were big boxes [TS]

  some of the really angry ones are small [TS]

  boxes [TS]

  and and then pin i will point us you [TS]

  know cleaning out some of my stuff out [TS]

  of my mom's house and I was like I can't [TS]

  pack this woman to do this I can't take [TS]

  this home so I went out and I just [TS]

  started up the grill [TS]

  you know oh yeah I found some starlight [TS]

  mints and some ticket stubs and just let [TS]

  her rip [TS]

  I mean you know but yeah but I i was [TS]

  exactly the same 90 to me there was a [TS]

  big passing notes culture in high school [TS]

  just certain way you'd fold the note you [TS]

  passed in between classes and became [TS]

  like some kind of a I don't know and [TS]

  adenoid all underground railroad we're [TS]

  actually you know move messages back and [TS]

  forth [TS]

  yeah i still have several notes a [TS]

  collected from that time that it sits on [TS]

  one piece of paper and in the the top of [TS]

  the paper in my handwriting it says be [TS]

  my girlfriend [TS]

  oh and then it's folded 25 times and [TS]

  lamination perfect natural and then [TS]

  underneath that written in like a purple [TS]

  pen is I would not be your girlfriend if [TS]

  you were the last boy on earth and then [TS]

  I under that is in my handwriting it [TS]

  says you know you want to be my [TS]

  girlfriend stop being coy you minx and [TS]

  then under that it says you are the [TS]

  grossest boy this spirit why are you [TS]

  writing notes and I swear to you I i I'm [TS]

  not I'm not even kidding and it goes [TS]

  down one side of a of a piece of [TS]

  notebook paper and up the other and I'm [TS]

  saying if I'm so gross why are you.why [TS]

  do exactly as long as the customers [TS]

  talking the salesman it's still closing [TS]

  that's right and she says I'm doing it [TS]

  because this is boring and I'm you know [TS]

  and I'm transcribing I'm transcribing [TS]

  this noted my own notebook as evidence [TS]

  we need you know when you try to kill me [TS]

  or whatever we go back and forth in this [TS]

  girl ended up being my girlfriend i have [TS]

  like a stack of notes of me winning her [TS]

  she was my high school girlfriend was [TS]

  much higher status than I was she was [TS]

  going into 11th grade she was absolutely [TS]

  the queen of our shoes the she was a [TS]

  four-point-oh she was the president of [TS]

  the junior class you [TS]

  captain of the cross-country running [TS]

  team she was all these things she was [TS]

  absolutely the Queen and I was the [TS]

  nerves as a set before last in our class [TS]

  you are i have memory serves you're [TS]

  essentially asked the day there was a if [TS]

  i remember right there was actually a [TS]

  project amongst the teachers and [TS]

  administrators to make sure that you [TS]

  found the door with dispatch [TS]

  that's right they tried it they they [TS]

  they they tried to see if i could spend [TS]

  all of high school in detention and they [TS]

  realized that that wasn't going to that [TS]

  wasn't gonna work so like let's just [TS]

  keep it movin keep it movin out the door [TS]

  but so I i said i set myself this is you [TS]

  know at this age I don't I I haven't [TS]

  done a thing like this in years but I [TS]

  set my sights on her and i said i'm [TS]

  going to make Kelly Kieffer my [TS]

  girlfriend it almost never works [TS]

  no no and it was this is very easy to [TS]

  even if not you but even if one is super [TS]

  creepy especially maybe but it almost [TS]

  never works [TS]

  it's very it was very very john hughes [TS]

  because i was a you know that I had [TS]

  absolutely nothing to recommend me like [TS]

  there was no way that this girl who sat [TS]

  at the front of the class wearing a an [TS]

  argyle sweater and like had the answers [TS]

  every question was ever going to ever go [TS]

  on a single date with the kid in the [TS]

  back of the class that had spaghetti [TS]

  sauce on his shirt and was you know [TS]

  what's back there going bad that and and [TS]

  yet through this through these notes the [TS]

  passing of these notes and by my [TS]

  relentlessness just like listen you [TS]

  don't think so yet but one day you will [TS]

  love me and when it happens I will I [TS]

  will try very hard not to tease you [TS]

  about all the time all the time that you [TS]

  were sure that this wasn't going to [TS]

  happen i'm gonna try very hard not to [TS]

  have this be a thing that [TS]

  that like I make fun of you about later [TS]

  and she was like you are the you are you [TS]

  have so much foot spa and you're so [TS]

  repulsive but i don't even have the [TS]

  words to reject you as fully as I want [TS]

  to reject you and I was like that's fine [TS]

  that's fine you just keep talking a [TS]

  little lady and little by little and she [TS]

  said the turning point she maintained [TS]

  this she maintained this like [TS]

  impenetrable wall until christmas break [TS]

  and she and her family went to Mexico [TS]

  and they were sitting in a hotel and at [TS]

  this during my junior year I was famous [TS]

  citywide in Anchorage for being the [TS]

  master toilet paper i would enter a [TS]

  neighborhood and I would toilet paper [TS]

  that neighborhood absolutely into [TS]

  submission until until people like thin [TS]

  please you know I would knock on [TS]

  somebody's door a kid I knew that's a [TS]

  man i'm out toilet-papering neighborhood [TS]

  i'm out of toilet paper can I borrow [TS]

  some toilet paper and the kid would like [TS]

  go inside and bring me out a big 12 pack [TS]

  of toilet paper be like yeah I go get a [TS]

  man and they shut the door and i would [TS]

  start toilet-papering their house with [TS]

  their own toilet paper [TS]

  I was a terrible terrible teenager and [TS]

  Kelly said she was sitting in a in a [TS]

  condo in mazatlán with her family and [TS]

  they were looking out over the beach and [TS]

  a single roll of toilet paper came from [TS]

  higher up in the hotel and she saw it [TS]

  fall in front of her balcony and as it [TS]

  fell she realized that she loved me like [TS]

  it's trading stocks it was shooting star [TS]

  and she she said from that moment on [TS]

  that you know I own her body and soul [TS]

  and I had no idea I was still back in [TS]

  Anchorage like to do when you know when [TS]

  school starts again I'm going to resume [TS]

  my letter writing campaign and she came [TS]

  back in and apparently you know she saw [TS]

  me in a new light hurt her new eyes did [TS]

  not see that spaghetti sauce [TS]

  or loved it and it lasts for a while it [TS]

  didn't mean she was my shoes my only [TS]

  girlfriend in high school and this is [TS]

  the Irish the corners that assist the [TS]

  redheaded cornrows girl yeah wow yeah [TS]

  and you know she's now is a she is a [TS]

  well as far as I understand she's the [TS]

  chief of residence at Dartmouth hospital [TS]

  and is a one of those people [TS]

  one of the people that wears a white [TS]

  coat that has pens in the pocket that [TS]

  people make sure you for free it and and [TS]

  speaks to you kind of been in clipped [TS]

  abrupt tones about your own insides she [TS]

  committed to anybody at this point you [TS]

  do I get yeah it's strange how she got [TS]

  married to a wonderful man named Seth [TS]

  and I i actually like set a lot better [TS]

  than I like cat many wonderful man named [TS]

  south [TS]

  well this skin thing is ever Seth had [TS]

  every strike against him he a has a [TS]

  ponytail be is from California SI è [TS]

  he's a Seth right you mean you're like [TS]

  me Seth and he's some kind of brain [TS]

  scientist but not a doctor like a brain [TS]

  scientist who isn't a doctor [TS]

  there's a lot of things about it guess [TS]

  that must be like the inner bearing [TS]

  Midwife that's exactly what it is like I [TS]

  look at him all the time and I'm like [TS]

  why didn't you just be quiet just got a [TS]

  little extra way and be a doctor if [TS]

  you're going to be a brain scientist but [TS]

  he but that's part of his sethness you [TS]

  know he's like oh no I really like this [TS]

  brain science [TS]

  I'm like yeah I know but dude a little [TS]

  bit you know be a doctor your epaulets [TS]

  have a little bit more scrambled eggs on [TS]

  them and then everybody gets out your [TS]

  way he's like a little wanted without my [TS]

  way such assets that thing that I sit on [TS]

  the stool and i put this stuff from this [TS]

  petri dish into that p tradition [TS]

  I'm like a it's really frustrating you [TS]

  don't understand anything but he's it [TS]

  turns out and when when when that when [TS]

  Kelly started dating Seth I was like [TS]

  this is this is not gonna work this dumb [TS]

  hippie he doesn't know anything [TS]

  Kelly was like no he's nice and I like [TS]

  him [TS]

  yeah they got married and they had a [TS]

  couple of kids kids are nice and set [TS]

  this nice [TS]

  the only problem is kelly is a terrible [TS]

  person ok but that just goes I mean you [TS]

  don't get to be the you don't get to be [TS]

  the the chief resident to Dartmouth [TS]

  hospital without being a terrible person [TS]

  you know I mean no idea i mean like [TS]

  that's the kind of profession where you [TS]

  don't go in that to be a nice cornrowed [TS]

  lady that's or or guy i mean that's [TS]

  those people are there animals the other [TS]

  animals and everything she's one of [TS]

  these people everytime i send her an [TS]

  email i get an auto reply telling me [TS]

  auto reply that isn't like out of the [TS]

  office for two days I get a reply that [TS]

  that is like a page and a half of [TS]

  boilerplate telling me that my [TS]

  correspondence is confidential and she [TS]

  can't answer emails and you know there's [TS]

  like seven hundred different clauses and [TS]

  I right I was right and say get a [TS]

  fucking personal email address asshole [TS]

  like you know she might have 100 think [TS]

  if you think I don't like that she's a [TS]

  busy lady she's only got so much purple [TS]

  pen left up to the kids to take care of [TS]

  because of the clean is the worst [TS]

  yeah that's it that's a shame but you [TS]

  know what I'm proud of you though it [TS]

  just shows you that you got you got [TS]

  gumption you get stick-to-itiveness I [TS]

  used to have come from Merlin I used to [TS]

  be a mission don't don't be that way [TS]

  you've got competition doesn't have [TS]

  gumption where you expected to be and I [TS]

  think that frustrates you got plenty of [TS]

  gumption our users are you saying that I [TS]

  might have Duncan in areas i don't i'm [TS]

  not i am not i'm going to go look for [TS]

  the can opener on this side of gumption [TS]

  i have dumped in other places and then [TS]

  somewhat summer right in the center of [TS]

  my heads up display there's like a burn [TS]

  hole where the gumption that I want you [TS]

  know what you go to war with the comes [TS]

  when you have enough gumption you want [TS]

  that's right [TS]

  absolutely there's the gumption we know [TS]

  and they'll come showing no we don't [TS]

  know now right yeah i think it's a lot [TS]

  that she was a runner and she knew that [TS]

  she could get away if she had to yeah [TS]

  doesn't hold my wife's running she's [TS]

  like a middle-distance runner and did [TS]

  marathons and stuff and I think that's [TS]

  part of the why she would why she would [TS]

  even consider you know looking into [TS]

  something like this Kelly was one of [TS]

  those high school girls that was [TS]

  so full of sass that she has yes she [TS]

  would take she would take a man she [TS]

  would sassa rhinoceros to its face like [TS]

  she had no compunction she was there was [TS]

  no said no worries at all she knew where [TS]

  she was going she when she would choose [TS]

  one of those 15 year olds that knew she [TS]

  was gonna be the chief residents that [TS]

  are the hospital and just get out of our [TS]

  way and that was you know that that was [TS]

  definitely part of why she was so [TS]

  interesting to me and what I and and I [TS]

  was trying to overcome the fact that i [TS]

  had no idea even when I was in that [TS]

  moment I let alone where i was going [TS]

  spaghetti stink really i mean i was [TS]

  sitting there like I don't know should I [TS]

  start [TS]

  should I take up tobacco or should I or [TS]

  should I go should join the Peace Corps [TS]

  or should I just like should I just die [TS]

  right now I've got to quote the great [TS]

  day John he is he didn't know whether to [TS]

  shit or go sailing [TS]

  that's exactly right and and how how [TS]

  does that recommend you to anybody like [TS]

  hello how are you I'm fine I'm going to [TS]

  be a doctor what are you going to be uh [TS]

  but you're even like do you know what's [TS]

  his name matt dillon you weren't even [TS]

  like that Outsiders kind of character [TS]

  right you're like a leather jacket guy [TS]

  right you're right where you want an [TS]

  orange flight suit anymore at this point [TS]

  right your preppy did you dress like a [TS]

  preppy well I dressed like I I like I do [TS]

  now which is like there's a there's a [TS]

  there's a base coat of preppy right you [TS]

  take them to take the naked person who [TS]

  if you put on a base coat that 80 primer [TS]

  yeah and then on top of that you put a [TS]

  you put it like a second coat of like [TS]

  north west wall north west wall [TS]

  necessity and then the top coat is like [TS]

  a like except [TS]

  Rick bonkers or or Ignatius p Riley you [TS]

  know like he got get preppy and then [TS]

  then just walnuts st and then and then [TS]

  like bonkers hat hates bonkers hat scarf [TS]

  and then just the private the private [TS]

  comforts that can only come from roomie [TS]

  corduroy yeah and so and so during the [TS]

  grunge ears like I definitely wasn't [TS]

  grunge and all the grandkids were like [TS]

  what the hell is that but the but the [TS]

  but the but the bunkers on top of the [TS]

  Northwest wall it was just like right [TS]

  okay sure it there's enough there was [TS]

  enough like overlap with grunge with the [TS]

  grunge look that like okay the boots and [TS]

  the hat okay you're in right and it and [TS]

  growing up in Anchorage it was the same [TS]

  thing like well you remember when [TS]

  Columbine happened people were [TS]

  describing those two kids and and the [TS]

  fact that they call themselves the [TS]

  trench coat mafia and they were they [TS]

  were obsessed with guns and they felt [TS]

  like outsiders and remember at the time [TS]

  thinking you know I would have known [TS]

  those kids if I had been at that high [TS]

  school I would have been friends with [TS]

  them and in a sense at my own high [TS]

  school I was the equivalence kind of [TS]

  trench coat mafia where if you asked me [TS]

  I would have said yeah I would you know [TS]

  I'm a total outsider but in fact i was [TS]

  functioning member of the school and and [TS]

  actually an insider but i had i did have [TS]

  a trench coat and it had a skull and [TS]

  crossbones painted on the back in white [TS]

  out [TS]

  and it was big skull and crossbones it i [TS]

  used an entire couple of jars and you [TS]

  know I don't gots make errors too haha [TS]

  sand and I and I did this then this is [TS]

  the this is the top coat of bonkers [TS]

  where it was like sure trench coat and [TS]

  it was it was a like a world war one [TS]

  trench coat that i bought an army-navy [TS]

  surplus store and then I just I felt [TS]

  like it needed something and I realized [TS]

  it needed a skull and crossbones and why [TS]

  and and and what was I going to how was [TS]

  I going to get the skull and crossbones [TS]

  on the trench coat white out too because [TS]

  whiteout was was my main artistic medium [TS]

  at the time right why thats everywhere [TS]

  it was kind of a new smells good it's [TS]

  available [TS]

  smells good it has a brush right there [TS]

  who and you know at a high school you [TS]

  you can you can avail yourself of [TS]

  whiteout [TS]

  it's a unlimited supply it's not like [TS]

  spray paint we gotta go to show your [TS]

  license or something you can pick that [TS]

  up anywhere right there medium and wide [TS]

  out you know i mean it and it it's [TS]

  pretty it's pretty weather resistant so [TS]

  now trying to picture the scene me [TS]

  walking down the hall of my high school [TS]

  in this and then it was it was it was [TS]

  pre duster era but it was a very long [TS]

  trench coat was ankle length trench coat [TS]

  with the skull and crossbones on the [TS]

  back it is it is ludicrous [TS]

  it is it hit it is if you if you needed [TS]

  a if you needed a picture in the [TS]

  dictionary next to geek [TS]

  it's complicated because you're not even [TS]

  sure which part to begin making fun of [TS]

  right but you so there's so many aspects [TS]

  to to the layers of bunkers in that but [TS]

  but but at the same time you really [TS]

  couldn't make fun of it because I was [TS]

  already six and a half feet tall and [TS]

  like I had a I was pretty serious about [TS]

  it you know I was pretty serious about [TS]

  like look out look out do you see I am [TS]

  poison and it sets the right now on the [TS]

  back and white apt I can take dangerous [TS]

  skull and crossbones what does that mean [TS]

  to you [TS]

  united Islam eating that's right that's [TS]

  right and so you know I [TS]

  so now try and picture and picture [TS]

  anybody being interested in picture and [TS]

  Kelly I got to be honest with you and [TS]

  she's this you know she's this will we [TS]

  super high school superstar with auburn [TS]

  hair like a like an Irish setter and and [TS]

  it was you know and and then breakfast [TS]

  club came out and we're at this practice [TS]

  khlo God hears the like here's the the [TS]

  pretty redhead girl and here's the John [TS]

  bender character who you know who had [TS]

  been Hollywood eyes enough less than [TS]

  what about you dad guy [TS]

  yeah exactly he'd been Hollywood eyes [TS]

  enough so that the the the set dressers [TS]

  on the fillmore like should we put a [TS]

  whiteout skull and crossbones on the [TS]

  back of his trench coat [TS]

  no that's too far but you know he was [TS]

  and the problem the problem was and this [TS]

  probably was true of you we were all [TS]

  every one of those people & Breakfast [TS]

  Club that was the why the movie was [TS]

  successful [TS]

  every kid could look at every one of [TS]

  those kids actually the epilogue to the [TS]

  movie and I'm kind of your city yeah [TS]

  when I gonna walk by the goalposts I [TS]

  think that's actually what what it reads [TS]

  were all everyone they're all reading [TS]

  from the thing that they wrote you know [TS]

  for that the guy from right [TS]

  Trading Places 48 hours which holds hit [TS]

  that one guys are the principal wasn't [TS]

  he didn't have a because you're the [TS]

  great character actors you didn't do a [TS]

  movie with a monkey he didn't I think [TS]

  you sodomized by a monkey [TS]

  oh no you're saying the guy that's like [TS]

  two months I got you [TS]

  yeah you don't want to say get the ball [TS]

  the ball mess with the bull you get the [TS]

  horns that guy [TS]

  well you get the horn the great line [TS]

  guys like he's a great actor [TS]

  yeah he's the one he's the one who does [TS]

  the jam up on not to derail you just [TS]

  came up on dan Aykroyd and trading [TS]

  places great movie [TS]

  right exactly does the B does the jam [TS]

  appease the vegetarian in the next guys [TS]

  pocket [TS]

  uh he's won he's the one that the [TS]

  brothers bring him i love that movie is [TS]

  such a touchdown [TS]

  so every time every every Christmas I [TS]

  dress like a dress like santa and i [TS]

  always put a full smoked salmon in my [TS]

  dear [TS]

  in homage I man there's so much here I [TS]

  like I i had trying not to talk about [TS]

  myself but I totally i feel i feel the [TS]

  same way in two ways first of all at the [TS]

  time I would have done someone I told [TS]

  you I used to walk around with my [TS]

  members only epaulets on hold because I [TS]

  thought that really haha my way don't [TS]

  you just do this [TS]

  they're just putting a little bit of [TS]

  extra Flair on that time yeah you're not [TS]

  doing this [TS]

  Hey look at this I got this members only [TS]

  jacket down at the unit down the flea [TS]

  market and so it's not a real members [TS]

  only jacket i got the am wearing knee [TS]

  pads i slide down the halls on my knees [TS]

  and it's a thing I do and I i thought i [TS]

  was like such an outsider but the second [TS]

  part that the really in retrospect the [TS]

  parts of the real head head slapper is [TS]

  the whole like oh you know I i wasn't [TS]

  really outside it's the kids that i was [TS]

  sitting around making fun of that we're [TS]

  really outside because i was [TS]

  extraordinarily as much as I'd like to [TS]

  consider myself like in retrospect Peter [TS]

  Parker character or something it wasn't [TS]

  I was I had I had a date ridiculously [TS]

  sarcastic and cutting with that made a [TS]

  lot of people feel really bad and i'm [TS]

  sitting around acting like I'm Jeff [TS]

  Nelson I want [TS]

  yeah I that speaking of two graphic [TS]

  novels i just received in the mail a [TS]

  very interesting graphic novel as a gift [TS]

  from somebody which is is a book but [TS]

  about going to high school with Jeffrey [TS]

  Dahmer huh [TS]

  and this this comic book artist who's an [TS]

  artist that I'm that I'm familiar with [TS]

  from like alternative weekly magazines [TS]

  he's been he's been writing comics for [TS]

  years and years and he's one of the you [TS]

  know he's one of the great she would [TS]

  recognize his work but it turns out this [TS]

  guy [TS]

  coincidentally went to high school with [TS]

  Dahmer and was and wrote this [TS]

  autobiography which is basically saying [TS]

  the same thing like we thought we were [TS]

  real you know real nerds and outsiders [TS]

  and Dahmer was our was our was kind of [TS]

  our mascot but in reality Dahmer was [TS]

  messed up and we and and we let him into [TS]

  our gang only enough that that he was [TS]

  kind of our pet because he was such a [TS]

  weird [TS]

  and we loved having this weird mascot [TS]

  that we could walk around school and [TS]

  like Dahmer imitated having cerebral [TS]

  palsy and we all thought that was [TS]

  hilarious and that was kind of our it [TS]

  was one of our motifs mean they went to [TS]

  school in the seventies right before [TS]

  image but before pretending to have [TS]

  cerebral palsy was considered man far [TS]

  with everybody's doing it at John factor [TS]

  ya back Dorf back turf turf [TS]

  alright dirty doesn't derf yeah [TS]

  apparently um and so this so this book [TS]

  is really is is really heartbreaking [TS]

  because he's talking about the armor [TS]

  before he had you know when he was still [TS]

  out in the woods gathering animal [TS]

  skeletons or he was still picking up [TS]

  roadkill before he'd never hurt anybody [TS]

  and it's like in that you know harming [TS]

  cats days [TS]

  well it was even before he was he was [TS]

  harming cats he did a lot of he didn't [TS]

  do a lot of an alarming he ended up [TS]

  doing it yeah in it as a you know animal [TS]

  harming is kind of a gateway drug to [TS]

  totally to like killing boys but this [TS]

  was still when he was just picking up [TS]

  dead animals out of the woods and [TS]

  expressing like an unusual on natural [TS]

  fascination with them but so this guy is [TS]

  telling the story and it's like and he's [TS]

  looking back kind of with a feeling of [TS]

  responsibility but also pointing a real [TS]

  finger at the adults at the time and [TS]

  saying this kid was getting wasted drunk [TS]

  before school every day and trying in [TS]

  every way to cope with what was going on [TS]

  in his mind and he was being ignored by [TS]

  the by the faculty and the kids were [TS]

  just you know we let we let him into our [TS]

  gang because he was he was such a [TS]

  because he you know he reinforced our [TS]

  kind of like where the where the funny [TS]

  kids were the where the Bender's money [TS]

  might immediately to state the obvious [TS]

  he probably seemed emblematic of the [TS]

  edginess they wish that they had and [TS]

  having him around let some of that from [TS]

  a certain remove [TS]

  yeah he was he was a legitimate outsider [TS]

  and they kind of like took as much of [TS]

  that as they were comfortable with on [TS]

  onto themselves but as he says in his [TS]

  book as jeff says in his book like we [TS]

  never invited him over to our house we [TS]

  would we would hang out with him at the [TS]

  mall [TS]

  as long as he was funny and then we [TS]

  would stand there right in front of him [TS]

  and make plans for later in the night [TS]

  and not included [TS]

  um but Dahmer if you if you read his his [TS]

  own kind of after he was caught his own [TS]

  writings or his own confessions he's [TS]

  talking about the same period in his [TS]

  life where he is feeling these urges and [TS]

  trying to suppress them knowing the [TS]

  wrong [TS]

  um so where he still had that kind of [TS]

  not distance exactly but he could still [TS]

  see that what he was doing was like you [TS]

  know it's one thing to say like certain [TS]

  people who have a certain kind of like [TS]

  deliver it [TS]

  cruelty kind of if you like evil where [TS]

  you're deliberately harming things are [TS]

  people just for the purpose of harming [TS]

  them and enjoying it but he was still [TS]

  had a certain amount of remover might [TS]

  like feel a little bad about it all he [TS]

  felt terrible and you know when he he he [TS]

  was wrestling with the fact that he was [TS]

  gay and he and he couldn't he couldn't [TS]

  obviously admit that to anybody in 1977 [TS]

  but he also had this he had this desire [TS]

  to be in complete control to of a living [TS]

  thing to the point that he would torture [TS]

  it and and kill any knew it was wrong [TS]

  but but it was an overwhelming urge i [TS]

  guess and ended up [TS]

  certainly he ended up expressing that [TS]

  but it was but there was to read this to [TS]

  read this graphic novel is to you know [TS]

  to be put kind of into this moment in [TS]

  this kid's life where you're like oh you [TS]

  in there it was still possible for [TS]

  someone maybe to have intervened and [TS]

  directed him in in like somewhere else [TS]

  instead of like when you first realize [TS]

  that your kid is collecting [TS]

  a roadkill in jars of formaldehyde in [TS]

  the barn out back of the house like do [TS]

  you have a talk with him like he knows [TS]

  you're kid cries when they come home [TS]

  from church are you notice that they're [TS]

  not doing when they sit in the back of [TS]

  the classroom you try to put one and one [TS]

  together about these things that why [TS]

  they're not thriving right right kind of [TS]

  annoying [TS]

  yeah nobody did that in this instance [TS]

  but I think about those Columbine kids [TS]

  in that same way when that happened I [TS]

  thought about myself in high school and [TS]

  I was like I was you know I was building [TS]

  pipe bombs with my friends and we were [TS]

  going out on weekends and blowing up [TS]

  parked cars freely [TS]

  yeah you need to get harmed parked cars [TS]

  yeah and it's not think that I've ever [TS]

  talk about because I wasn't sure about [TS]

  the statute of limitations but i think [TS]

  it's passed on blowing up the phone [TS]

  blowing up cars but you know we were we [TS]

  we learned we all have the anarchist [TS]

  cookbook and the anarchists cookbook is [TS]

  great except it doesn't really quite go [TS]

  far enough [TS]

  we tried to make our own black powder we [TS]

  realized after the after we had spent [TS]

  weeks and weeks working on a black [TS]

  powder mixture we realize two things one [TS]

  we're making very effective smoke bombs [TS]

  but that making black powder was harder [TS]

  than just mixing three ingredients black [TS]

  powder is essentially three ingredients [TS]

  but it's you know just mix them in like [TS]

  rough quantities and start with a wooden [TS]

  spoon and then yeah black powder [TS]

  I mean there's not that many ingredients [TS]

  to make coke but you got another right [TS]

  mix together i know the right things [TS]

  right and so we had all these different [TS]

  black powder mixtures that we've been [TS]

  working on and they all turned out to be [TS]

  like basically smoke they made smoke [TS]

  they make they made acrid smoke and then [TS]

  we realized you know what they sell [TS]

  black powder at the fred meyer because [TS]

  we live in alaska and it's 1983 and [TS]

  people still are hunting with black [TS]

  powder muskets up here what it was a [TS]

  thing [TS]

  ok it was a thing guys that should come [TS]

  to portland just what he's got [TS]

  hey guys were hunting with muskets still [TS]

  local whores with with the blender butts [TS]

  and so you could go to the fred meyer [TS]

  and for like five dollars by a can of [TS]

  smokeless powder and it wasn't even [TS]

  behind the counter it was just out in [TS]

  the aisles [TS]

  Wow and there were multiple times Merlin [TS]

  I swear to you in the mid-eighties where [TS]

  I would as a fifteen-year-old walk up to [TS]

  the checkout counter at a friend Meyer [TS]

  with three cans of black powder five [TS]

  lengths of of lead pipe and no no now [TS]

  yeah and they would go to did king did [TS]

  teenagers seat [TS]

  yeah dude would you like your receipt [TS]

  sir that the total comes to 2497 and I [TS]

  would walk out with a bag of what could [TS]

  only be bombs that ended up getting [TS]

  expelled put it put on double-secret [TS]

  emergency prep suspension from school [TS]

  how they found in your locker room and [TS]

  lock the practice school brought it to [TS]

  school and told the teacher about it [TS]

  because I was so proud of myself that I [TS]

  was making and selling pipe bombs and [TS]

  and he was deeply disappointed he was [TS]

  very disappointed in me but we were [TS]

  using these bombs to blow to you know we [TS]

  were going out and and and blowing [TS]

  things up and we were doing very [TS]

  whimsically um but because you are a [TS]

  highschool person a you do not have any [TS]

  judgment whatsoever that we had no sense [TS]

  that what we were doing was any [TS]

  different then I accept that it was [TS]

  cooler than what any other kids were [TS]

  doing you know or that this was like the [TS]

  this was just normal i don't know normal [TS]

  i don't know that i stopped messing [TS]

  around with pipe bombs when I was we [TS]

  were pulling away from a party one time [TS]

  and we had gone to a party in a [TS]

  different high school and they were [TS]

  anyone and they were like it was a lame [TS]

  party and they were jerks to us and we [TS]

  we climbed in my car and we were leaving [TS]

  this party and my my friend who have [TS]

  worse judgment than I did open the glove [TS]

  compartment of my car and there was a [TS]

  pipe bomb in there and we had figured [TS]

  out that if you went to the if you if [TS]

  you went to the the gun store if you [TS]

  didn't buy your black powder at fred [TS]

  meyer if you went to the gun store where [TS]

  the guys were actually selling [TS]

  blunderbusses [TS]

  that they also sold can infuse literal [TS]

  like fuse for your homemade cannon and [TS]

  so we bought we bought 50 feet of this [TS]

  cannon fuse and we stopped using the [TS]

  solar igniters from from model rockets [TS]

  to electrically ignite our pipe bombs [TS]

  and we just stuck fuse and them and [TS]

  started making basically pythons you [TS]

  could live with a lighter and I had one [TS]

  of these in my glove compartment and [TS]

  this buddy of mine as we're leaving this [TS]

  party just pull it out lights it and [TS]

  throws it out the window like like an [TS]

  anarchist like he made like almost like [TS]

  one little bowling ball things you like [TS]

  lip balm and threw it he lit a little [TS]

  bomb that I that I had in in the the [TS]

  wisdom of my youth that I had in the [TS]

  glove compartment of my car in case I [TS]

  needed it and he found it and had a [TS]

  lighter because we were smoking pot [TS]

  Hitler is and he was like i'll check it [TS]

  out these guys at this party are [TS]

  assholes [TS]

  he lit it and threw it out the window [TS]

  into the front yard of the house where [TS]

  there were 350 kids at this party and as [TS]

  a teenager I did the only thing that you [TS]

  could do which was a slam on the gas and [TS]

  I'm screaming at him [TS]

  what the fuck did you just do and I'm [TS]

  repealing out getting out of this [TS]

  neighborhood and I and in my mind I'm [TS]

  seeing that I've seen these bombs go off [TS]

  and i know that this is a yard full of [TS]

  kids this is a house full of kids [TS]

  this bomb is going to go off its gonna [TS]

  break every window in that house and it [TS]

  is going to hurt somebody [TS]

  it is going to kill somebody and I'm [TS]

  like I've never felt a dread like i did [TS]

  as i am driving away from this isn't [TS]

  peeling out away from this place and the [TS]

  and the guy next to me is like haha well [TS]

  fuck those guys [TS]

  and we get to the end of the block and [TS]

  i'm waiting for [TS]

  I'm waiting for the ground to shake [TS]

  because these things are these pipelines [TS]

  we were making were like real bombs and [TS]

  nothing happens and when they I mean not [TS]

  inside a lot about this one explodes [TS]

  going to be the equivalent of shrapnel [TS]

  he's gonna be Bassam metal hot metal [TS]

  flying through the air at hundreds of [TS]

  miles per hour [TS]

  let's strap and all that that I mean we [TS]

  we we tested one of these I mean we we [TS]

  tested these things it all over and they [TS]

  get that the the LED goes right through [TS]

  a car like like just peppers it and I'm [TS]

  sitting I'm sitting at the end of the [TS]

  block waiting to hear this explosion and [TS]

  and wondering like running down the [TS]

  scenarios running down basically running [TS]

  down me being brought in front of a [TS]

  courtroom and being asked to explain why [TS]

  I killed these kids and nothing happens [TS]

  and I wait a couple of minutes and i [TS]

  know how you know that I know how long [TS]

  the fuse was and I mean nothing happens [TS]

  so i turn the car around and we very [TS]

  slowly drive past this party and then [TS]

  everything is just part is just going on [TS]

  and out in the middle of the yard is [TS]

  this dud pipe bomb that didn't go off [TS]

  and and i'm looking at it i'm thinking [TS]

  what is my responsibility here I don't [TS]

  want to run and grab this thing it could [TS]

  go off at any moment I don't want to [TS]

  stop and get out of the car and yell [TS]

  bomb i don't want i want to be a half an [TS]

  hour ago and have this not happen I mean [TS]

  but also is there some part of you at [TS]

  first my first thought sickly enough was [TS]

  now it's evidence it's not a bomb now [TS]

  it's it's evidence got your fingerprints [TS]

  on it [TS]

  well except now it's just [TS]

  nine out of ten people are going to look [TS]

  at and say what's this guy like what's [TS]

  this length of pipe like it doesn't it [TS]

  doesn't [TS]

  if you are in the pipe bomb making [TS]

  business it doesn't read as a bomb it [TS]

  just reads like why did somebody put two [TS]

  end caps on a short length of pipe and [TS]

  it just sits there it sits there [TS]

  throbbing in the lawn and my friends [TS]

  like let's get out of here it's a dud [TS]

  and you know there's a lot of those [TS]

  things were duds [TS]

  there's a lot of reasons why it would [TS]

  have been done it was not a surprise but [TS]

  I you know I kind of parked down the [TS]

  block and watch the front yard of this [TS]

  party not knowing what to do and she and [TS]

  continuing to choose wrong which is to [TS]

  sit there and watch it rather than go [TS]

  like run in there and say everybody out [TS]

  and it never went off and eventually I [TS]

  was like let's just you know put it put [TS]

  the car in reverse and like slowly [TS]

  backed away and went on with our lives [TS]

  but picturing how different my life [TS]

  would be if that bomb had gone off and i [TS]

  had and i don't mean to make that [TS]

  equivalent to the to those kids at [TS]

  Columbine who actively went into their [TS]

  school and shot a bunch of people but [TS]

  when that when the Columbine thing [TS]

  happened I i was able to put myself in [TS]

  their shoes pretty pretty easily because [TS]

  I could identify with those with the [TS]

  feelings that they had had and I mean I [TS]

  was a full full grown adult but i [TS]

  remembered i remember feeling that way [TS]

  and i remembered thinking that I was [TS]

  pretty that was pretty cool and it was [TS]

  obvious those Columbine kids thought [TS]

  they were very cool and they went in and [TS]

  they killed a bunch of their their [TS]

  friends because they were teenagers and [TS]

  teenagers are stupid so you really don't [TS]

  have that you don't have the wiring I [TS]

  mean it's just not it's just not there i [TS]

  mean there are some people [TS]

  who may be out of my case may be out of [TS]

  fear or the desire to be liked with you [TS]

  know quote-unquote do the right thing [TS]

  but you know it's it's like I don't know [TS]

  like transubstantiation or something I [TS]

  mean it was maybe something where I'm [TS]

  like doing it because I believe that [TS]

  there's this thing but i didn't i was i [TS]

  was very rarely a good person [TS]

  so just because of some sense of ethics [TS]

  are doing the right thing [TS]

  it was all the thought processes [TS]

  processes that went into almost [TS]

  everything i did at that age where were [TS]

  really even when I thought they were [TS]

  good we're really twisted yeah i don't [TS]

  think i don't think most people i mean i [TS]

  think there's some serious neurology [TS]

  behind this but I think you just don't [TS]

  have the wiring at that age and in fact [TS]

  it's my understanding that when you are [TS]

  13 or 14 especially i mean it's it's [TS]

  pretty bad i mean i think the basic [TS]

  wiring of a teenage boy that age is [TS]

  pretty close to psychopathy [TS]

  well that's why I just in the sense of [TS]

  like not really having any sense of like [TS]

  what this means to the rest of the world [TS]

  right that's why the most dangerous the [TS]

  most dangerous people on city streets [TS]

  are teenage gang bangers if you see a [TS]

  twenty-five-year-old thug he is so much [TS]

  more like a reasonable person but if you [TS]

  see a group of 15 year old gangsters [TS]

  those those kids have no there they have [TS]

  no limits and and you know they are they [TS]

  don't believe that that their actions [TS]

  have consequences [TS]

  that's why they're you know that's why [TS]

  they're great soldiers but but the the [TS]

  the the worst citizens [TS]

  yeah I don't know I feel like that I [TS]

  feel like this trail building a plan is [TS]

  is a solution like if I had if I had [TS]

  spent my junior high years building [TS]

  trail route rather than sitting in [TS]

  school making pipe on that don't work [TS]

  and learn and learn about the many [TS]

  artistic uses of whiteout [TS]

  I would have been a I would have been a [TS]

  better teenager would have been a [TS]

  healthier fifteen-year-old if I had done [TS]

  some hard work when I was 12 years old [TS]

  and I don't I I really I feel like that [TS]

  I feel like that we we have a they're [TS]

  starting to be a groundswell behind [TS]

  supertrain moment completely unaware of [TS]

  this really what are we doing really [TS]

  where we're a little bit like Kelly [TS]

  except you know without the coat where [TS]

  were kind of writing a prescription for [TS]

  ourselves [TS]

  retro actively don't believe in time [TS]

  travel but I'm just saying I i suspect [TS]

  you don't but not talk to me about time [TS]

  travel ok I i think i think that's part [TS]

  of it i think that i think that when we [TS]

  do almost anything as adults were in [TS]

  some ways trying to compensate for [TS]

  something or younger [TS]

  yeah i agree but we need to start [TS]

  figuring out we need to start [TS]

  implementing phase one of the supertrain [TS]

  I mean I guess we have been implementing [TS]

  phase 1i think when it's time to start [TS]

  this thing starts actually moving on [TS]

  move beyond the whisper campaign [TS]

  yeah i think people are ready and I and [TS]

  I and I feel like the longer we no [TS]

  longer we wait the longer we wait the [TS]

  more you know the more the a million [TS]

  voices are screaming out at once [TS]

  supertrain SEI who don't have time to go [TS]

  into this because i think there's the I [TS]

  i would like to see it in as much as [TS]

  you're comfortable just even seeing that [TS]

  the anyone see the pages of the plan i [TS]

  try to see the size of the plan just [TS]

  roughly because I made some of it is [TS]

  documented somewhere on some some [TS]

  cocktail napkins or pieces of plank or [TS]

  something then but I mean do you see [TS]

  it's something says it's written in [TS]

  white out so it's a it's it's it's a [TS]

  much bigger document that needs to be [TS]

  that's so undignified it's going to [TS]

  write on your right in your duster make [TS]

  a [TS]

  on your way would you call your world [TS]

  war one jacket yeah yeah well one trench [TS]

  coat [TS]

  yeah it's one thing yeah jacket dusters [TS]

  dusters I want to see a duster I just [TS]

  that's man that's why ceilings IC [TS]

  testers you see doctors teachers that [TS]

  well that's the thing dusters are the [TS]

  customers are the official coat of the [TS]

  software engineer who didn't get the [TS]

  memo like the duster and the and the [TS]

  Australian looking cowboy hat [TS]

  yeah yeah the truck the troubling part [TS]

  is that the the memo has been delivered [TS]

  it's just he hasn't been checking that [TS]

  mailbox haha memo has been delivered [TS]

  often at least weekly for some time now [TS]

  and it's just a little behind on the [TS]

  newsletter [TS]

  yeah so especially when you see a guy in [TS]

  that hand duster getting off the bus or [TS]

  you know and or or waiting likes waiting [TS]

  downtown out in line at a coffee cart [TS]

  and you're like listen you are dressed [TS]

  you are dressed as somebody who should [TS]

  be riding a camel [TS]

  it's good yeah you are seriously you are [TS]

  dressed for a post-apocalyptic Campbell [TS]

  battle you're waiting in line at a copy [TS]

  card [TS]