Ep. 66: "If I Could Stop Time"
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I'm Marlins are you I'm fine how are you
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feeling somewhat muted you're feeling
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muted in just you know little reserved
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for a little bit low ebb midnight store
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you listen to daddy o records i'm i'm
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sitting here reading the lyrics to della
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souls hit song the magic number M think
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that's a lot of right now I don't think
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I that cool what didn't have a giant
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problem with clearing their samples a
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child is that but oh I eibhlín gilbert
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o'sullivan so that's an example of a
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clear situation where sampling produced
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a masterwork uh-huh and all should kneel
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I stand I stand corrected you can buy it
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i just remember there's a time where it
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was it was kinda hard to get
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yeah you might think the hell of a
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record that was a dozen amazing summer
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you know that you are getting about this
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for a second that was 24 years ago 24
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telesales three feet high and rising 24
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years the 24th anniversary of abbey road
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was September of 1993 i was playing this
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game tonight with my wife a terrible
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it's a horrible game i think some words
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the game I've been playing for years and
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i wish i had a name for it but I had a
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little genius mix on and down if I can't
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change your mind Bob Mould came up and
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was like this song is 20 years old or
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that's about 20 years old which means
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that at that time a 20-year old song
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came out in 1973 this will be nothing to
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the younger listeners but it's harrowing
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it's harrowing to me it's harrowing at
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and particularly i was thinking about
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this the other day in 1986 the it is not
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just that we were younger
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and that time is longer for young people
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because in 1986 clearly we had we had
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gone through we had transitioned through
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a thousand years in the culture from
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1966 right that 20-year period from 66
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286 we had experienced the metamorphosis
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of a thousand years of human
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consciousness 66 we had not been to the
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moon 66 we were still we were still
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wearing white go-go boots for the love
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set of God and body and ironically and
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by 1986 we had been through we had you
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know we had been through a doo-wop
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revival we had been through am radio
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songwriting we had a weird experience
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the punk-rock disco anti disco anti punk
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new wave anti new wave post auntie disco
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punk post auntie new wave disc upon we
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had had then another doo-wop revival
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write them there were there were three
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rockabilly revivals between nineteen
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sixty six in 1986 and you know it in the
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same 20 years band 2013-2 1993 i
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challenge you to think of a single thing
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that's happened I think it's I think
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it's problematic yardstick of that all
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yeah okay here's one this is this is
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regarded by some as such a classic it's
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cliche but Greece which had been a
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Broadway Broadway show reasons the word
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is the word the word you've been hearing
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it's that move it's got feeling in time
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space and emotion Frankie Frankie Valli
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saying that is that right not involved a
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lot of soul not in falsetto wow thats
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risa the movie that people are most
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familiar with more than the show grace
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came out in 1978 which means that the
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nostalgia in Greece was 20 years old and
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grease movies no 35 years old
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so I just have a try first ballot in a
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month while you're thinking
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Adam I am so nostalgic for the original
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nostalgia that I felt for a thing that I
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was not alive for continuing to be so
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mean there's so many layers of nostalgia
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between me and anything that wasn't that
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though that I like I'm think about this
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in 1940 when my dad went down to the
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showbox theater to see Benny Goodman and
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his orchestra but wait I'm sorry get
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what year is that 1942 my god imagine
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seeing like sing sing live
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bye-bye on a pop and doing to do that
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was that was the punk-rock of swing and
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people are flying through the air
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they're dancing so that they're there
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they're causing the sprung dance floor
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to bounce people people are flying
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through the air and my dad is you know
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with basically with his teeth on the
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stage watching this band and thinking to
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himself this is all I want to do with my
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life I don't want to I don't want to be
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a lawyer I don't want to go into real
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estate or business or government I want
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to go with this so I want to go with
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this band and he there was no aspect of
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nostalgia in that music him for its time
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it was a hundred percent original with
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no antecedents do it was not was not
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aping Lenny antecedent habits like two
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years old it was I was like it was like
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a throwback a direct like quote of
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ragtime or something it was something
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yeah and I guess they did I guess
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everyone's while they would they would
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tag ragtime like a little pavement riff
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or something yeah they driven they drop
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it in but I mean they were they were
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blowing people's minds with this music
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and I'm thinking now like everything
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I've ever loved has been filtered
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through at least one cheesecloth of
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nostalgia right now
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is that not even knew other there's
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nothing about new wave once you strip
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the clothes off of them which i tried to
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do in every opportunity there was
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nothing about new wave that hadn't been
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ok let's turn on the farfisa it's like a
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fast kinks song a lot of time right or
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you know or again any any one of a
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number of beatles songs right Perseids
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the whole idea i don't know i'm just
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sitting here I'm just sitting here in
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nostalgia pod I my nostalgia escape pod
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I'm looking around the room and I can I
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cannot think of a single thing here that
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either isn't actually a thing from the
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sixties or seventies or or from a modern
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thing that has been made to look like
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it's from the sixties or seventies it's
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true except for my apple products
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they're the only modern thing in this
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whole and basically my whole house and
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you're not happy with them with of it
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just they don't do it you know what this
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is it's like I don't explain it to you
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but it's kind of like the days of the
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Wright brothers it's like we're using
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bicycles and her airplanes that's where
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that's where we are right now if this if
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if this Apple nostalgia for the early
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days if it had been made it is that if
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this mac thing had been made to look
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like an apple 2e and i think i would be
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very satisfied with it through think i
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would be like well look at this it's so
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quaint and quirky a friend add mr.
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Hodgman was on Marc Maron's podcast
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awhile back and there's a wonderful
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quote I I don't understand how you come
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up with something like that's without
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writing it but i think it was John
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nightmare but some one of them said I
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nostalgia used to be better haha but the
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sad part is instantly understood you
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know what they met but you can't
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understand don't know from nostalgia
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yeah nostalgia Jesus everyone now
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increase came out I was kind of torn
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because I had had just kind of split
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allegiance among the two cool guys on TV
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that I followed closely the fonts and
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barberino right yeah but then Barbarino
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was in he knows in Greece and so like
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that the way that I found common ground
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listed go into the bathroom and take a
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giant scoop of Vaseline petroleum jelly
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that you have that you guys had in your
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my mom's of liberal woman I see actually
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no part of that is accurate and that why
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don't you ever put vaseline on your hair
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I've never did it says easy it seemed so
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straightforward you've got something it
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doesn't look like when you look at
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Fonzie you think he's probably got
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Vaseline his heritage but he's putting a
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greasy kids let's give all the things in
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your Hall things go back in your mind
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imagine a young John Robert going
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through your home right now and you had
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to create Fonzie hair of all the things
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don't you think that's in like the point
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five percent of things that would make
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you look like you have phones here
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well you would think that except that
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you know my parents were a little bit
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I'll see you know about like Brylcreem
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yeah so I actually went to my mom and
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said how do you get your hair to do that
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and she said oh can you be studying
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she did she did say that but then she
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said oh what you want is a vitalis and
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so we all went to the drugstore longs
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drugs in anchorage alaska and they're in
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the men's grooming section in the in
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this section you know pass the drug card
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to our down where the where like only
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old men shopped where you could buy
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still buy a straight razor there was
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vitalis you could buy it and i bought a
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bottle of it which i still have I don't
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think they go bad i have they don't
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think I everybody i know you're not a
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big bottle water fan but it's got an
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expiration date on it
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yeah I don't think my talent has ever
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had an expiration date no and I still
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have the exact bottle of italicized
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bought in 1983 it is the duck there's
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not a lot of vitalis left in it but i
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still use it every once in awhile output
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a little sprinkle of my talents in Miami
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been the but the fact is that my mom was
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that's not how you get on two hits it's
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like it's mostly Hanukkah it's how is
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there still fight Alice in there that's
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right it's um it's a miracle
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what is that Ellis it's how you get
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Benny Goodman hair it's not how you get
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fuzzy hair he's a good-looking guy but
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my mom was in but she was one of those
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in-between generation shoes that thing
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you know she was 20 in the early fifties
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so she still was licking her hair down
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an old-fashioned way anyways don't have
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this by Dallas wow so so you put
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vaseline in your hair yeah it seems you
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know and it's sometimes things I've
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noticed about myself over the years one
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thing I've noticed in the last five to
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ten years is occasionally i use a little
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bit of hair product you know like if I
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want to like achieve a certain look I've
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noticed that when I'm nervous I use a
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little more than I should run you know
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like you know like so we'll talk more
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than they should when they're nervous i
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use I use more hair product than I
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should and that was wow you know that
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you cut your own hair and you know the
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problem of like I'm just gonna like even
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yeah and then pretty soon you click here
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about be putting the you know electric
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chair now and dad happened to me and so
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I put in you know what seemed like I
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remember hearing that phrase that broken
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phrasal a little dab will do you
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I did not have a standard for what a DAB
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was but I thought is probably applicable
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to this obviously applicable Vaseline
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and then I needed more because i wasn't
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getting the effect i wanted and pretty
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soon I basically put lots of oil like
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literally oil in my hand and it melts
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once it's in your hair like yeah once it
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once it gets into the 98.6 it gets real
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comfortable the fact that it starts to
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run down the back to America it was more
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of an eye I can't in my head right now I
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can't imagine at games hair look like
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but haha i think if you're going if
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somebody just knew enough about 18 you
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would you have ashley and then my mom
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was really really unhappy with me and so
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I went in there and I and I wash my hair
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and wash my hair again and I don't know
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if you're from the hood TX that went on
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water don't mix I but the my hair said
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fuck you to the shower for days right at
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least raise i look I look so bad i
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looked like Larry Darryl Darryl I mean
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it looks really really bad
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yeah I'm sure you smelled like like a
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refinery are you smelled like is
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somebody dressed like West Texas
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yeah well I mean I looked I looked I I
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smelled like a dildo and look like a
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serial killer mm it was miserable but I
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didn't do that again
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I learn more about stuff later but I
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mean this is an ongoing problem for me
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takes a long time
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well I said before I have my whole life
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especially as a and adults young adults
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and older adult I always feel like that
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somehow not gotten the manual like it
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was just like I said my wife the other
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day I always feel like somebody got like
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a three page printout but what happened
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was we were watching that house of cards
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thing on netflix and we accidentally
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skipped over a very important episode
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and when the next one came on we were
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like what happened so what do you do you
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doubt yourself and you say oh I'm stupid
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because I can't figure this out
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obviously I wasn't paying attention i
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was playing with my ipad i just need to
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watch this more closely and the two
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that's like well you know we missed an
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incredibly important episode
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yeah and that's how i feel i feel like
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there was a three page handout that
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would have made everything like
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seventy-five percent better for me well
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that's why we're doing this podcast is
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like it is the three page handout for
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the next generation but uh but you know
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that my problem with grease he was the
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movie was that I had a younger sister
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who was actually more culturally aware
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and more of a media consumer than I was
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even at the age of ten she was eight and
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your sister seems hip so she was very
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hip like she could get the things that
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you might try to dissect with the chart
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like she could just grok that she got
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him instantly so so I wanted to be as a
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ten-year-old I wanted to be absorbed
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into the greased universe and I wanted
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to drive a hot-rod car that had a
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Plexiglas you know by now that might in
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the fullness of time flying to discuss
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my flight into this guy I definitely
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definitely a understood the appeal of
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being a rocker girl but I also
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understood the appeal of being a good
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I mean these are some of my models and I
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wasn't sure whether I wanted to be a
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good girl or a rocker girl but but I'm
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but then my sister was like
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seriously seriously heavily into Greece
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and I I felt an obligation as her older
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◼
►
brother to be dismissive about it was
[TS]
◼
►
like the girl version of frantic
[TS]
◼
►
Frampton Comes Alive like every girl I
[TS]
◼
►
knew how to copy that soundtrack every
[TS]
◼
►
girl and my sister you know had it
[TS]
◼
►
memorized and she what she watched the
[TS]
◼
►
movie 25 times and she learned whatever
[TS]
◼
►
bad thing you're supposed to learn about
[TS]
◼
►
about being a Barbie dollar or whatever
[TS]
◼
►
whatever it is that people are mad at
[TS]
◼
►
Greece for but but uh but i wanted to
[TS]
◼
►
enjoy Greece I wanted to be an innocent
[TS]
◼
►
ten-year-old boy who loses his innocence
[TS]
◼
►
to I mean you know honestly i was i was
[TS]
◼
►
more in love with frenchie em ngu
[TS]
◼
►
stockard channing character
[TS]
◼
►
oh I was announced that the guy from
[TS]
◼
►
taxi that's the dude from taxi know and
[TS]
◼
►
i think it was Kenickie friend she was
[TS]
◼
►
the girl who wanted to be a she was the
[TS]
◼
►
beauty school dropout all right the girl
[TS]
◼
►
with the nose yeah bingo
[TS]
◼
►
she's a little break she was the seed so
[TS]
◼
►
she was so Julie and substitute so cute
[TS]
◼
►
and I you know and I didn't understand
[TS]
◼
►
why she wasn't the one she wasn't the
[TS]
◼
►
sex object of the film because olivia
[TS]
◼
►
newton-john she's fine she's cute but
[TS]
◼
►
she's a little plain compared to the
[TS]
◼
►
exotic everybody movie is obviously at
[TS]
◼
►
least 30 in retrospect well you start
[TS]
◼
►
eating like 645 totally but Stockard
[TS]
◼
►
Channing was foxy 2 i'm not i mean of
[TS]
◼
►
all the girls to GTV show after that and
[TS]
◼
►
I was attracted to her
[TS]
◼
►
yeah she'sshe's puckish partitions right
[TS]
◼
►
although I thought I felt her character
[TS]
◼
►
on the west wing with Chad thought she
[TS]
◼
►
was not supportive enough of the
[TS]
◼
►
well no that's your job you're working
[TS]
◼
►
for the president you should be
[TS]
◼
►
extremely supportive really if you're
[TS]
◼
►
his wife and I mean I understand that
[TS]
◼
►
she's a she's a female empowerment
[TS]
◼
►
figure but come behind the man who is
[TS]
◼
►
the president is the president on my a
[TS]
◼
►
nice file card increase its real
[TS]
◼
►
straightforward it came out i think in
[TS]
◼
►
1978 and I just have such a clear
[TS]
◼
►
recollection of this one family at our
[TS]
◼
►
church had gone and brought
[TS]
◼
►
their child to it and they walked out of
[TS]
◼
►
that they marched out of there in
[TS]
◼
►
complete and utter outrage in like the
[TS]
◼
►
first however many minutes like what
[TS]
◼
►
happens in the first minutes it doesn't
[TS]
◼
►
like everything in fact we eat well I
[TS]
◼
►
think they're smoking and sass mouth and
[TS]
◼
►
like all things like if this is what
[TS]
◼
►
happens at the beginning of a PG movie
[TS]
◼
►
you know you put your hands over the
[TS]
◼
►
kids ears and you know out of here leave
[TS]
◼
►
the popcorn take the cannoli let's get
[TS]
◼
►
yeah and that was the thing is that was
[TS]
◼
►
the word that you heard with groove and
[TS]
◼
►
feeling was this grease was not where
[TS]
◼
►
people at wait a christian church should
[TS]
◼
►
be spending their time with their
[TS]
◼
►
children carys bad it might as well as
[TS]
◼
►
you know it was like the Holocaust or
[TS]
◼
►
people were dry humping people were
[TS]
◼
►
finger-banging oh yeah fingerbanged I
[TS]
◼
►
mean probably through the pants but uh
[TS]
◼
►
huh uh huh you know for a long time I i
[TS]
◼
►
was because of my very special things I
[TS]
◼
►
was very attracted to the weirdly the
[TS]
◼
►
disturbing sexy Olivia newton-john yeah
[TS]
◼
►
because I think that's what you're
[TS]
◼
►
supposed to do even that she seemed
[TS]
◼
►
really uncomfortable in her role
[TS]
◼
►
yeah it's like fake slutty girl of
[TS]
◼
►
course I was attracted to her but in
[TS]
◼
►
retrospect I gotta say the original the
[TS]
◼
►
one who should be your vitalis Olivia
[TS]
◼
►
newton-john in those spandex pants is a
[TS]
◼
►
little too bony I have to say huh
[TS]
◼
►
she's a little bony she's a little like
[TS]
◼
►
boy hipped yeah what about the word
[TS]
◼
►
about the don't want I really don't want
[TS]
◼
►
to know what what your special thing is
[TS]
◼
►
but what about the physical video now
[TS]
◼
►
come on boy that was that transitioned
[TS]
◼
►
into like I had a very very complicated
[TS]
◼
►
relationship with leg warmers and
[TS]
◼
►
headbands big ones and headbands
[TS]
◼
►
basically where the they were the ballot
[TS]
◼
►
that those were the boundary fences of
[TS]
◼
►
my whole young sex life right there was
[TS]
◼
►
there was a headband here and there were
[TS]
◼
►
late warmers there and everything
[TS]
◼
►
in-between was like well how did you get
[TS]
◼
►
there like a PPS in dmz yeah how did you
[TS]
◼
►
first know how to get the pants off with
[TS]
◼
►
their leg warmers guarding the approach
[TS]
◼
►
and I met I don't know what the headband
[TS]
◼
►
is for yeah but look like by that you
[TS]
◼
►
know that kicked up to get John McEnroe
[TS]
◼
►
and you're bored with the headbands I
[TS]
◼
►
think they really gonna kick that off
[TS]
◼
►
Olivia definitely carry that forward and
[TS]
◼
►
then Flashdance just blew that wide-open
[TS]
◼
►
think that I a flash I wasn't into
[TS]
◼
►
Flashdance I I have a confession to make
[TS]
◼
►
you know this is one of those weird
[TS]
◼
►
things that when I look back at it I
[TS]
◼
►
cannot know I cannot I cannot put myself
[TS]
◼
►
fully in my thirteen-year-old mind
[TS]
◼
►
because when i was 13 i could not think
[TS]
◼
►
of a more beautiful woman and Jamie Lee
[TS]
◼
►
Curtis who and then later 15 years later
[TS]
◼
►
when I in the fullness of time had come
[TS]
◼
►
to recognize that Jamie Lee Curtis was
[TS]
◼
►
kind of repulsive
[TS]
◼
►
oh I'd well I tried to get a shower and
[TS]
◼
►
Aphrodite and hope that didn't know your
[TS]
◼
►
opinion of a general or bad it's jay
[TS]
◼
►
normative that's what that's one of
[TS]
◼
►
those things like that they pumped a
[TS]
◼
►
gallon of semen out of Rod Stewart I
[TS]
◼
►
don't believe that izzy 8w spider eggs
[TS]
◼
►
but he here pop rocks and then drank a
[TS]
◼
►
coke and it turned into a gallon of
[TS]
◼
►
scene and that's why they charged in ten
[TS]
◼
►
thousand dollars for the cookie recipe
[TS]
◼
►
but I honestly my whole idea of like the
[TS]
◼
►
foxiest girl in the world was Jamie Lee
[TS]
◼
►
Curtis in trading places and now i
[TS]
◼
►
cannot i cannot get there i can not at
[TS]
◼
►
all you can that you don't have access
[TS]
◼
►
I mean Jill st. John there's there was
[TS]
◼
►
never any question I can always go look
[TS]
◼
►
at Joe st. John and I can find exactly
[TS]
◼
►
what it was that I was thinking the
[TS]
◼
►
first time I saw Jolson job but I but
[TS]
◼
►
Jamie Lee it's just it's not the same
[TS]
◼
►
it's not the same for me anything like
[TS]
◼
►
you wouldn't be so vacuous as to say it
[TS]
◼
►
was just because you saw her boobies for
[TS]
◼
►
a second and then known before long
[TS]
◼
►
before I saw her boobies right she been
[TS]
◼
►
in you know what halloween and we should
[TS]
◼
►
either using 10 but I'm just saying like
[TS]
◼
►
I think she was in front of 13
[TS]
◼
►
yes she did all these slasher films that
[TS]
◼
►
were really pop those are two like
[TS]
◼
►
canonical slasher films point being that
[TS]
◼
►
like her face was everywhere for teenage
[TS]
◼
►
boys like fangoria staring at you know
[TS]
◼
►
what I mean like she was some of our
[TS]
◼
►
yeah she had that boyish haircut she had
[TS]
◼
►
the 1i like John I like bullish I come
[TS]
◼
►
snapping i really like bullish but now
[TS]
◼
►
now as proper as as it probably should
[TS]
◼
►
have been and Margaret in Tommy oh god
[TS]
◼
►
is 50 actually is actually the peak is
[TS]
◼
►
actually the you know she is the ER do
[TS]
◼
►
do enjoy the appearance of a more
[TS]
◼
►
womanly woman these days to I enjoy the
[TS]
◼
►
appearance of a more womanly woman I
[TS]
◼
►
don't wanna talk about this at all but
[TS]
◼
►
if we're going to talk about this let's
[TS]
◼
►
make it a continuum
[TS]
◼
►
I'm just making this up I still kind of
[TS]
◼
►
digesting dinner but if we have a
[TS]
◼
►
continuum that goes somewhere between
[TS]
◼
►
Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe right
[TS]
◼
►
is that a fair one like because I want
[TS]
◼
►
yeah i mean that the cultural reference
[TS]
◼
►
because literally 50 60 years old
[TS]
◼
►
yes and and so is established like a
[TS]
◼
►
certain standard yeah well and the thing
[TS]
◼
►
is i can find many I can find you know I
[TS]
◼
►
know I got my other one
[TS]
◼
►
what about Carly Rae Jepsen and say ben
[TS]
◼
►
gibbard yeah haha i don't know what are
[TS]
◼
►
Carly Rae Jepsen is I keep seeing that
[TS]
◼
►
came and I could you mention that and I
[TS]
◼
►
googled it and I started playing her hit
[TS]
◼
►
song for my daughter and now she loves
[TS]
◼
►
it she wants the whole album
[TS]
◼
►
I feel like a Carly Rae Jepsen when I
[TS]
◼
►
when I hear that a hater nick name I
[TS]
◼
►
picture Punky Brewster my kind of sound
[TS]
◼
►
yeah I picture somebody that's like
[TS]
◼
►
that's a little moon frye the play
[TS]
◼
►
trying years old
[TS]
◼
►
yeah I don't know but I did learn the
[TS]
◼
►
other day that the the woman who plays
[TS]
◼
►
the the blonde the narcissist on 30 rock
[TS]
◼
►
oh yeah Jenna you know she was the girl
[TS]
◼
►
with the side ponytail in National
[TS]
◼
►
Lampoon's Vacation my friend Michael
[TS]
◼
►
he's met one went on a date with her a
[TS]
◼
►
months after that but yeah she lived in
[TS]
◼
►
New Jersey where he lived in a they went
[TS]
◼
►
to a carnival together and she was
[TS]
◼
►
already a movie star
[TS]
◼
►
well you know vacation you know yeah one
[TS]
◼
►
of the great films of the last 40 years
[TS]
◼
►
can help you with that Eddie please
[TS]
◼
►
remember her health her up real tomato
[TS]
◼
►
catch him nothing but the best Clark
[TS]
◼
►
I've never seen it
[TS]
◼
►
oh so the party's going to work with 140
[TS]
◼
►
oh wow no no this is the beauty of
[TS]
◼
►
having cable basic cable plus showtime
[TS]
◼
►
and HBO is there are so many so I'm
[TS]
◼
►
coming back to something here is that
[TS]
◼
►
there's so many movies that i have seen
[TS]
◼
►
I saw stripes six times in a month and a
[TS]
◼
►
half and at that age when I had
[TS]
◼
►
retention I mean either still lines to
[TS]
◼
►
this day that are you know lighten up
[TS]
◼
►
francis like they're still lines from
[TS]
◼
►
the movie that are just you know it just
[TS]
◼
►
just implanted in my brain kids a little
[TS]
◼
►
younger than us had like a VHS player to
[TS]
◼
►
watch their favorite movie over and over
[TS]
◼
►
but you don't mean like for me like
[TS]
◼
►
sitting in the dark when I'm not
[TS]
◼
►
supposed to be watching TV like watching
[TS]
◼
►
escape from new york an alien like made
[TS]
◼
►
such an impression on me my god me too
[TS]
◼
►
and in spite of that fact i still i
[TS]
◼
►
could not even the first time through
[TS]
◼
►
could not stand the movie Porky's it was
[TS]
◼
►
so dumb pretty overrated i was just
[TS]
◼
►
watching it to see the shower shower
[TS]
◼
►
scene you but uh but even then even at
[TS]
◼
►
the impressionable age when I was the
[TS]
◼
►
target audience for that film it was too
[TS]
◼
►
dumb to dump to believe it's not a well
[TS]
◼
►
no I think it's done canada like you
[TS]
◼
►
well soon see that figures have said but
[TS]
◼
►
like you say I i watched stripes and
[TS]
◼
►
escape from new york and national
[TS]
◼
►
lampoon's vacation i would watch them
[TS]
◼
►
over and over and over and over
[TS]
◼
►
well you remember I mean until recently
[TS]
◼
►
you would still get this in hotel rooms
[TS]
◼
►
we get that little booklet like a little
[TS]
◼
►
bit like a three by five card that
[TS]
◼
►
little like shiny booklet with all like
[TS]
◼
►
what's on HBO at what times I think you
[TS]
◼
►
still get that in hotel rooms it's just
[TS]
◼
►
that you have no talent retention yeah
[TS]
◼
►
you no longer touch anything in your
[TS]
◼
►
hotel room so it's still there if you
[TS]
◼
►
were willing to put your hands on this
[TS]
◼
►
the spine is bent to cinemax after dark
[TS]
◼
►
I you know I was enough to tell not very
[TS]
◼
►
long ago and uh and I was a you know I
[TS]
◼
►
of course I put my remote in a plastic
[TS]
◼
►
bag that you did and then I'm sitting
[TS]
◼
►
and i'm scrolling through and I was like
[TS]
◼
►
you know what maybe I'm gonna lie i've
[TS]
◼
►
been through the channels 15 times
[TS]
◼
►
there's nothing on except like yeah II
[TS]
◼
►
entertainmenttelevision dubbed into
[TS]
◼
►
german and so I'm going to maybe i'll go
[TS]
◼
►
watch a first-run movie so I go over and
[TS]
◼
►
i'm scrolling through the the ads for
[TS]
◼
►
the first run movies I'm like now this
[TS]
◼
►
is garbage too and then i think maybe i
[TS]
◼
►
launched an adult movie like a so you
[TS]
◼
►
yeah so I go over to the adult movie
[TS]
◼
►
menu and you and i'm scrolling through
[TS]
◼
►
and it's all the same stuff it's just
[TS]
◼
►
like yeah cheerleaders babysitter's
[TS]
◼
►
scroll Scroll scroll and then I realize
[TS]
◼
►
these fucking things are $25 yeah $25 to
[TS]
◼
►
watch an adult movie in the privacy of
[TS]
◼
►
your hotel room and it was like they're
[TS]
◼
►
$25 yeah $25 I could go down I could go
[TS]
◼
►
down to the nearest mcdonalds plus a
[TS]
◼
►
20-percent service charge give me I
[TS]
◼
►
could meet a couple I could meet a
[TS]
◼
►
couple of girls right for 25 bucks by
[TS]
◼
►
them both their dinner sitting up in a
[TS]
◼
►
motel paid $25 you know back in the old
[TS]
◼
►
days do with HBO you would you could
[TS]
◼
►
potentially see one of those porn movies
[TS]
◼
►
where all the good stuff had been edited
[TS]
◼
►
yes which is plenty for me is that right
[TS]
◼
►
you're certain you're pretty soft very
[TS]
◼
►
soft scale you know I freely I've really
[TS]
◼
►
gone off the rails in the last 30 years
[TS]
◼
►
but back then sure you're looking for me
[TS]
◼
►
man I i could break a pair of jeans with
[TS]
◼
►
ZZ Top video you know sort of salad days
[TS]
◼
►
when I was that when I was a teenager I
[TS]
◼
►
mean I i would get off looking at
[TS]
◼
►
looking at skiwear catalogs I'll of
[TS]
◼
►
cattle box know like oh my god that that
[TS]
◼
►
puffy jacket is son you know puffy
[TS]
◼
►
jackets are a thing
[TS]
◼
►
not recently i did not know this but
[TS]
◼
►
puffy jackets are somebody special thing
[TS]
◼
►
what you're saying it's a sex thing it's
[TS]
◼
►
a sexy thing yeah feat jackets jackets
[TS]
◼
►
yeah yeah um boy one time I said why are
[TS]
◼
►
we talking about this
[TS]
◼
►
I want to say probably about 1982 like
[TS]
◼
►
right right at the worst considerable
[TS]
◼
►
time somebody the this is back of course
[TS]
◼
►
when the postal service was was useful
[TS]
◼
►
and incompetent with the band
[TS]
◼
►
mhm yeah I like that new song by the way
[TS]
◼
►
you know there's no Melanie tell Marilyn
[TS]
◼
►
Monroe I like it
[TS]
◼
►
they're playing a bunch of shows they're
[TS]
◼
►
so good i went back to that record so
[TS]
◼
►
good ok this out
[TS]
◼
►
um I don't know how this happened
[TS]
◼
►
because remember male used to be like a
[TS]
◼
►
real thing you didn't get other people's
[TS]
◼
►
mail half of our mail at our house is
[TS]
◼
►
someone else's man which leads me to
[TS]
◼
►
believe you know is a good job very re
[TS]
◼
►
remember that movie you can always get a
[TS]
◼
►
job at the postal service
[TS]
◼
►
Oh was that it is not blowing your mind
[TS]
◼
►
bad as a pull quote well whatever you
[TS]
◼
►
know I'm gonna let that sit I'm gonna
[TS]
◼
►
let that sit like a search
[TS]
◼
►
there's always work at the postal
[TS]
◼
►
service they brought somebody else's
[TS]
◼
►
victoria's secret catalog to your house
[TS]
◼
►
you are home I'd never heard of Victoria
[TS]
◼
►
I didn't know what her secret was an
[TS]
◼
►
online hell was this one little pile of
[TS]
◼
►
shiny paper changed everything because
[TS]
◼
►
it's worried that you understand where
[TS]
◼
►
we're right we're right in the pocket
[TS]
◼
►
for like the ZZ Top era i'm pretty sure
[TS]
◼
►
that I got the first-ever victoria
[TS]
◼
►
secret channel it you got it bagged and
[TS]
◼
►
boarded you get outside the comment you
[TS]
◼
►
can you keep it somewhere special
[TS]
◼
►
Oh bagged and boarded i get that
[TS]
◼
►
reference yeah like they didn't want oh
[TS]
◼
►
no I don't have it now but when you're
[TS]
◼
►
saying that those go back to 83 I don't
[TS]
◼
►
think that's true yeah yeah i mean like
[TS]
◼
►
Victoria's Secret like was the thing in
[TS]
◼
►
malls by the time i was in college but
[TS]
◼
►
back then like you know what
[TS]
◼
►
years later I would acquire like a
[TS]
◼
►
fredericks of hollywood it was really
[TS]
◼
►
it was obviously like like trailer-park
[TS]
◼
►
garter belts by the way those kids are
[TS]
◼
►
great and if you heard him right now
[TS]
◼
►
wave but at ya boy I just
[TS]
◼
►
I that was a very very special companion
[TS]
◼
►
yeah the I knew what was on each page
[TS]
◼
►
I mean I can come up with like a running
[TS]
◼
►
order the early models in the Victoria's
[TS]
◼
►
Secret catalog oh this is another this
[TS]
◼
►
is part of the jamie lee curtis problem
[TS]
◼
►
yeah i'm not sure if i went back i'm not
[TS]
◼
►
sure if i went back and looked at an
[TS]
◼
►
early victoria secret whether it would
[TS]
◼
►
seem mundane to me at the time of course
[TS]
◼
►
it was like it was a blaze the trail
[TS]
◼
►
through the forest of my mind it was
[TS]
◼
►
like a mystic Manor it just showed up
[TS]
◼
►
there was a there was a there there
[TS]
◼
►
little really was a spot on the back
[TS]
◼
►
page of like some ski magazine there was
[TS]
◼
►
a an advertisement for obermeyer skiwear
[TS]
◼
►
I'm talking now same it's a mare 82
[TS]
◼
►
maybe obermeyer and that it was a
[TS]
◼
►
picture of a girl wearing an over Meyer
[TS]
◼
►
ski jacket and she was so beautiful and
[TS]
◼
►
the idea that she was also a skier
[TS]
◼
►
really made a made a connection with me
[TS]
◼
►
because the skinny girls that I knew
[TS]
◼
►
that where skiers I mean most of the
[TS]
◼
►
people I knew who are scared for girls
[TS]
◼
►
because they were there and our ski club
[TS]
◼
►
via the girls team was very competitive
[TS]
◼
►
and a lot of the lot of the girls that I
[TS]
◼
►
was in love with as a teenager where
[TS]
◼
►
these these really mean mean rich ski
[TS]
◼
►
girls that's enough jackets puffy
[TS]
◼
►
jackets and they always had every season
[TS]
◼
►
they had brand new skis and brand new
[TS]
◼
►
polls brand new ski pants and I was kind
[TS]
◼
►
of like I was already so sort of you
[TS]
◼
►
know she lumpin my way through trying to
[TS]
◼
►
get by on some it's right so 33 year-old
[TS]
◼
►
so you know spider ski jacket with a
[TS]
◼
►
flight suit underneath it and and anyway
[TS]
◼
►
this obermeyer ski girl she looked out
[TS]
◼
►
of the back page of this ski magazine at
[TS]
◼
►
me with laser beam eyes and it was the
[TS]
◼
►
type of thing where I i seriously kept
[TS]
◼
►
at Ski Magazine like under my bed so
[TS]
◼
►
that i could just and I wasn't even it's
[TS]
◼
►
not like i was jacking off or anything i
[TS]
◼
►
would just take it out would take the
[TS]
◼
►
magazine out and I would just stare at
[TS]
◼
►
tender John for hours at a time and I
[TS]
◼
►
don't even think I was imagining
[TS]
◼
►
scenarios with her it's not like i was
[TS]
◼
►
saying and then we went to zermatt and
[TS]
◼
►
we were skiing on the piste like I was
[TS]
◼
►
just looking at her I was just looking
[TS]
◼
►
at her face for hours at a time
[TS]
◼
►
wondering what it was wondering you know
[TS]
◼
►
even you are working at a pretty high
[TS]
◼
►
well I was wondering i love with storage
[TS]
◼
►
on if we were ever going to meet in a
[TS]
◼
►
train station somewhere like and I'm not
[TS]
◼
►
sure I'm not sure if I could go back and
[TS]
◼
►
you know if I found that picture that
[TS]
◼
►
girl whether she was now she would
[TS]
◼
►
probably look like a teenage girl
[TS]
◼
►
because that's what she was but now you
[TS]
◼
►
you shouldn't you should let that be
[TS]
◼
►
you're really not every yeah I mean it's
[TS]
◼
►
a yeah you don't want to revisit that I
[TS]
◼
►
mean look what look what happened Jamie
[TS]
◼
►
Lee Curtis she's still a handsome woman
[TS]
◼
►
yeah that's true but he's not your
[TS]
◼
►
special thing not so special anymore i
[TS]
◼
►
wish i could have kept her and trading
[TS]
◼
►
places it once again trading places it
[TS]
◼
►
there's always work at the post office
[TS]
◼
►
Hollywood shuffle it is that rather
[TS]
◼
►
Robert Townsend maybe yes
[TS]
◼
►
remember remember the impact that film
[TS]
◼
►
had i but i don't think i've actually
[TS]
◼
►
side what really seriously yeah it was
[TS]
◼
►
good movie was around the time i was in
[TS]
◼
►
college was so I had a pretty uneven had
[TS]
◼
►
very uneven exposure to think there was
[TS]
◼
►
something that I was way way over
[TS]
◼
►
exposed to and then other things like he
[TS]
◼
►
was like about Star Trek Star Trek new
[TS]
◼
►
generation and you know as you know I'm
[TS]
◼
►
not like a big star trek fan so I didn't
[TS]
◼
►
make the time to seek it out and didn't
[TS]
◼
►
have it the country so you know what i
[TS]
◼
►
mean like i say it was just so many
[TS]
◼
►
things from that time that you know it's
[TS]
◼
►
just I i have this like black hole in my
[TS]
◼
►
memory for those things I should've seen
[TS]
◼
►
it that probably now he finds that on
[TS]
◼
►
his kind of credit cards i know it was
[TS]
◼
►
like it was like a as much stone it was
[TS]
◼
►
a touchdown it was a it was a earth
[TS]
◼
►
shatter a breaker
[TS]
◼
►
what's he doing now you think he's
[TS]
◼
►
working for the post office but i don't
[TS]
◼
►
know probably what are any of us doing
[TS]
◼
►
now that's a good point i watch the
[TS]
◼
►
beginning but that my point being that
[TS]
◼
►
one of those movies was a mission to the
[TS]
◼
►
program recently but Sigourney Weaver an
[TS]
◼
►
that very very and it just a beginning
[TS]
◼
►
sorry for myself but beginning to end
[TS]
◼
►
and out standing movie I watched it the
[TS]
◼
►
three nights ago it's still so good but
[TS]
◼
►
then like Boise are in her underwear and
[TS]
◼
►
she was right in my wheelhouse is not
[TS]
◼
►
oh yes that's true you you do have a
[TS]
◼
►
Sigourney Weaver well in like another
[TS]
◼
►
program are watching now with that that
[TS]
◼
►
girl from Felicity she plays a russian
[TS]
◼
►
spy on this TV show we watch now and
[TS]
◼
►
she's just right in the pocket
[TS]
◼
►
yeah I don't have anything against you
[TS]
◼
►
know girls who look like women but but
[TS]
◼
►
but I i think i think i do like a like a
[TS]
◼
►
boyish pixie ish something
[TS]
◼
►
yeah I ipads ipods often ladies its
[TS]
◼
►
opponent was never I i am number two
[TS]
◼
►
she's hard she's hard that's right it's
[TS]
◼
►
hard without without being a break
[TS]
◼
►
she's hard and on her break what's a
[TS]
◼
►
canonical celebrity her break for you
[TS]
◼
►
like when you think about when you think
[TS]
◼
►
about what you're looking for assuming
[TS]
◼
►
that you know she could get the right
[TS]
◼
►
you know haircut and combat boots like
[TS]
◼
►
what give me a sense of if you're a
[TS]
◼
►
firefighter in the in the police station
[TS]
◼
►
and we had to draw a composite sketch of
[TS]
◼
►
your idea Lewis get my sense of how you
[TS]
◼
►
can tell you exactly and it happened and
[TS]
◼
►
it didn't actually you did you wouldn't
[TS]
◼
►
you would have to go far from a police
[TS]
◼
►
station because the archetype slice know
[TS]
◼
►
Jennifer Grey in ferris bueller's day
[TS]
◼
►
off if you've got to be kidding me no
[TS]
◼
►
are you kidding me she's the hottest of
[TS]
◼
►
the hottest at Sloan Jennifer Grey in
[TS]
◼
►
the police station with Charlie Sheen
[TS]
◼
►
with Charlie Sheen and he is flirting
[TS]
◼
►
with her just as she is not having it
[TS]
◼
►
but that feeling but then she she she
[TS]
◼
►
oh my god jennifer grey and then you
[TS]
◼
►
know of course when Jennifer Grey
[TS]
◼
►
appeared in dirty dancing movie i have
[TS]
◼
►
never seen I never seen all the way
[TS]
◼
►
through i started because i like Jerry
[TS]
◼
►
Orbach well I didn't even know he was in
[TS]
◼
►
it but I movie I've never seen but i
[TS]
◼
►
have watched the highlight reel of her
[TS]
◼
►
a few times because jennifer grey
[TS]
◼
►
jennifer grey jennifer grey prinos job
[TS]
◼
►
super foxy Jennifer great post nose job
[TS]
◼
►
one of those amazing situation she had
[TS]
◼
►
she had a chat and nose job and it is
[TS]
◼
►
like she disappeared from the earth she
[TS]
◼
►
she's up there for me in there's this
[TS]
◼
►
weird Venn diagram of people who had
[TS]
◼
►
like unimpeachably successful cosmetic
[TS]
◼
►
surgery and I'm actually look better or
[TS]
◼
►
worse but she looked I mean she didn't
[TS]
◼
►
look like she had plastic surgery if you
[TS]
◼
►
had no matter before a great job but
[TS]
◼
►
I've never i don't think i've seen many
[TS]
◼
►
people with successful plastic-surgery
[TS]
◼
►
that look more different and all the
[TS]
◼
►
changes her nose she was she really i
[TS]
◼
►
mean seriously when that happens and
[TS]
◼
►
people showing those photos like there's
[TS]
◼
►
no way there's no way that's the girl
[TS]
◼
►
from Ferris Bueller and you remember
[TS]
◼
►
shield her whole face completely
[TS]
◼
►
yeah she got a really great super
[TS]
◼
►
high-quality expensive professional nose
[TS]
◼
►
job and she became the plainest looking
[TS]
◼
►
Albia very pretty girl she looks like
[TS]
◼
►
the prettiest girl in like a like the
[TS]
◼
►
traffic traffic class like if you went
[TS]
◼
►
had to like work off a ticket by going
[TS]
◼
►
to traffic school and there's the girl
[TS]
◼
►
across the room and you'd be like oh
[TS]
◼
►
she's really wow she's she knows how to
[TS]
◼
►
I'll try and sit by her butt but not
[TS]
◼
►
that she's a movie star anymore and I
[TS]
◼
►
don't know what you're actually going to
[TS]
◼
►
impugn jennifer grey either way I have
[TS]
◼
►
never met the woman but you know nice
[TS]
◼
►
you know it's a lot like indie rock
[TS]
◼
►
people are always stampeding to get rid
[TS]
◼
►
of the thing they still haven't realized
[TS]
◼
►
makes them special
[TS]
◼
►
yeah you can people can't wait to get to
[TS]
◼
►
the middle of the curve at least in my
[TS]
◼
►
opinion you know what I mean like you
[TS]
◼
►
can't wait for people can't wait for us
[TS]
◼
►
to find somebody who will shave all of
[TS]
◼
►
the edges that made them interesting
[TS]
◼
►
that's why i religiously don't exercise
[TS]
◼
►
as they had the same conversation today
[TS]
◼
►
if I got to be super fit
[TS]
◼
►
I think I would lose a big part of what
[TS]
◼
►
makes me so cuddly and lovable
[TS]
◼
►
Oh John in so many ways I mean just
[TS]
◼
►
think about how much time you would lose
[TS]
◼
►
over your brooding and you're steaming
[TS]
◼
►
organizing you do a lot of organizing
[TS]
◼
►
and moving around right yeah yeah yeah
[TS]
◼
►
well if these men who spent three hours
[TS]
◼
►
a day at the gym that the
[TS]
◼
►
just gonna all go to shit here's the
[TS]
◼
►
thing about super-fit guys that I don't
[TS]
◼
►
quite understand this
[TS]
◼
►
why do they look so clammy like what I
[TS]
◼
►
mean like super fit guys all its it you
[TS]
◼
►
can towel them a thousand times and
[TS]
◼
►
never wipe the sweat all the way off
[TS]
◼
►
like they seem to have like some time
[TS]
◼
►
yeah they seem clammy and like covered
[TS]
◼
►
with the kind of like greasy moisture
[TS]
◼
►
but but it's but they're dry like they
[TS]
◼
►
look like that even in a tuxedo
[TS]
◼
►
maybe it's endorphins endorphins make
[TS]
◼
►
you look make your skin look reason that
[TS]
◼
►
scientist John alright alright well see
[TS]
◼
►
that's what I don't want I don't want
[TS]
◼
►
now the natural sort of flat coloring
[TS]
◼
►
the natural dryness of my skin and I
[TS]
◼
►
mean okay with driving a step Rock flaky
[TS]
◼
►
like appealing lack of bc moisture on my
[TS]
◼
►
skin I don't want to sacrifice that just
[TS]
◼
►
kind of whitish sweater weather look
[TS]
◼
►
like somebody who's who's cheeks are
[TS]
◼
►
little pink from it's hard to tell
[TS]
◼
►
whether it's a cold wind or the gym
[TS]
◼
►
journalist the exhibit the exertion of
[TS]
◼
►
walking up a flight of stairs
[TS]
◼
►
yeah but I don't want to I don't want to
[TS]
◼
►
trade that in for some kind of like a
[TS]
◼
►
like Vaseline layer between me and the
[TS]
◼
►
world is that one of those body the
[TS]
◼
►
stages for you have one of those body
[TS]
◼
►
things like the Michael Jackson disease
[TS]
◼
►
where they think that looks good
[TS]
◼
►
they must not have any control over it
[TS]
◼
►
right but I mean maybe maybe they think
[TS]
◼
►
that's maybe something's happened to
[TS]
◼
►
their chemistry and they got that Karen
[TS]
◼
►
Carpenter thing and they think they look
[TS]
◼
►
at most looks good
[TS]
◼
►
yeah yeah I think that's it well I think
[TS]
◼
►
what happens is their skin becomes
[TS]
◼
►
translucent because like slightly
[TS]
◼
►
translucent because the pigment that
[TS]
◼
►
used to be a used to make their skin
[TS]
◼
►
like look solid who was redirected
[TS]
◼
►
somewhere to like to replace the
[TS]
◼
►
necessary facts that the various ya like
[TS]
◼
►
it like as their balls shrink up into
[TS]
◼
►
their body the pigment from their skin
[TS]
◼
►
when has to go down and fill them back
[TS]
◼
►
enough that you know that they don't
[TS]
◼
►
create like a like a problem imprint
[TS]
◼
►
impaction I can't believe you never went
[TS]
◼
►
to medical school it's astonishing
[TS]
◼
►
because i had coffee with the guy this
[TS]
◼
►
morning that I mostly just know from you
[TS]
◼
►
no internet stuff in really nice guy but
[TS]
◼
►
with with just a complete lack of irony
[TS]
◼
►
he asked me what kind of workout i do
[TS]
◼
►
what do you even lift a lift
[TS]
◼
►
well I I walk around the corner to my
[TS]
◼
►
office and sometimes then I walk home
[TS]
◼
►
and that's a pill
[TS]
◼
►
uh yeah now that I mean that's a city
[TS]
◼
►
block that's not even a small block
[TS]
◼
►
right given up the hill it's a hell of a
[TS]
◼
►
workout something that's a long walk
[TS]
◼
►
you got you got a blast effects or
[TS]
◼
►
something you're my favorite eighties
[TS]
◼
►
television personality i'm gonna i'm
[TS]
◼
►
gonna you were in college at this time I
[TS]
◼
►
no I'm sure I can phonetically follow
[TS]
◼
►
along but it was Kevin seal
[TS]
◼
►
oh sure that like yellow team stone on
[TS]
◼
►
mtv in two hundred twenty minutes what
[TS]
◼
►
he did he did he did on in 20 minutes
[TS]
◼
►
he did a bit headbangers ball for a
[TS]
◼
►
while but he was MTV is like fun
[TS]
◼
►
stoned slacker vijay the first one that
[TS]
◼
►
wasn't the first one that wasn't like
[TS]
◼
►
some some radio DJ the day plucked and
[TS]
◼
►
made into a VJ really seem not like a
[TS]
◼
►
pro yeah he was a guy that they did a
[TS]
◼
►
Talent Search and he showed up and he
[TS]
◼
►
was like hey whats up guys
[TS]
◼
►
the that may said for whatever reason
[TS]
◼
►
this guy with the superstone dies is our
[TS]
◼
►
new Vijay and when he appeared on the
[TS]
◼
►
MTV tea but when he appeared on the
[TS]
◼
►
screen the first time I was sitting in
[TS]
◼
►
front of the you know sitting in my
[TS]
◼
►
lounge my Barcalounger completely baked
[TS]
◼
►
drinking Schmidt beer and this guy shows
[TS]
◼
►
up on the screen and it's like I'm
[TS]
◼
►
looking into a mirror
[TS]
◼
►
here's the guy that got the job that I
[TS]
◼
►
and yet I couldn't hate him because he
[TS]
◼
►
was so amazing implicating yourself it
[TS]
◼
►
would be like hating the successful
[TS]
◼
►
version of yourself thoroughly like
[TS]
◼
►
hating myself and I watched you guys I
[TS]
◼
►
mean I got to the point where I had no
[TS]
◼
►
interest in watching MTV unless Kevin
[TS]
◼
►
seal was on and then i would just sit
[TS]
◼
►
and laugh and laugh and laugh at me and
[TS]
◼
►
I had such a different reaction may I
[TS]
◼
►
mean I didn't dislike him but like he
[TS]
◼
►
always seemed a little affected to me
[TS]
◼
►
yeah right effective because he was
[TS]
◼
►
baked in this formula Julia was that
[TS]
◼
►
really i'm pretty sure it was pretty big
[TS]
◼
►
I was baked and he seemed legit and yeah
[TS]
◼
►
we're when you're really baked you can
[TS]
◼
►
tell when somebody else's picture called
[TS]
◼
►
big baby daughter she got that yeah a
[TS]
◼
►
little shy one session was just rolling
[TS]
◼
►
on the floor everything everything out
[TS]
◼
►
of this guy's about one time he comes
[TS]
◼
►
home and he says he says you know Eddie
[TS]
◼
►
Van Halen and valerie bertinelli um you
[TS]
◼
►
know they've been married for like ten
[TS]
◼
►
years already and I'm trying to imagine
[TS]
◼
►
what they talked about and I just I just
[TS]
◼
►
picture them at home just going like
[TS]
◼
►
cuckoo cuckoo and he starts doing the
[TS]
◼
►
hand puppets of valerie bertinelli and
[TS]
◼
►
eddie van halen like cooing at each
[TS]
◼
►
other and I i actually feed and it was
[TS]
◼
►
and it might be because i was incredibly
[TS]
◼
►
yeah i think that things he was speaking
[TS]
◼
►
a certain kind of truth to you he was
[TS]
◼
►
speaking he was speaking truth to power
[TS]
◼
►
and you know and he was cracking himself
[TS]
◼
►
up i wouldn't be surprised if he peed a
[TS]
◼
►
that was the heyday of television for me
[TS]
◼
►
yeah we can never go back to that now
[TS]
◼
►
let's see it now we're back and I mean
[TS]
◼
►
back in a warm pool of nostalgia
[TS]
◼
►
yeah you're you remember when nostalgia
[TS]
◼
►
really meant something yeah yeah yeah
[TS]
◼
►
y'all so nothing for Jamie Lee Curtis
[TS]
◼
►
she wants to make sure its children's
[TS]
◼
►
books now we've got one of her
[TS]
◼
►
children's books and feel like there's
[TS]
◼
►
there's something has been lost and it
[TS]
◼
►
and it happened in me it's not anything
[TS]
◼
►
it's not anything to do with Jamie Lee
[TS]
◼
►
fish called wanda still very much
[TS]
◼
►
very should watch that is it still good
[TS]
◼
►
all right well I imagine is good you
[TS]
◼
►
know the the the drama that john cleese
[TS]
◼
►
brings to the proceedings seriousness of
[TS]
◼
►
his character i think is the tent pole
[TS]
◼
►
that holds the whole thing up everybody
[TS]
◼
►
else is doing broad forest but he
[TS]
◼
►
pleases bringing real pay those I think
[TS]
◼
►
Kevin clients pretty creating that he's
[TS]
◼
►
amazing but it's not a subtle roll now
[TS]
◼
►
now it's very private very private john
[TS]
◼
►
cleese is such an interesting character
[TS]
◼
►
in general and you know he's become well
[TS]
◼
►
over the years I mean he's I feel
[TS]
◼
►
certain residents with him because he's
[TS]
◼
►
made his own career out of being broken
[TS]
◼
►
in public in some ways you know what I
[TS]
◼
►
mean I really admire the fact that he's
[TS]
◼
►
you know he's he's all I mean part of
[TS]
◼
►
what he brought the money Python was all
[TS]
◼
►
of this ridiculous rage yet you brought
[TS]
◼
►
so much rage you know but very smart
[TS]
◼
►
rage but and then by the time you get to
[TS]
◼
►
Fawlty Towers it's the time I mean you
[TS]
◼
►
know i guess i guess he went through a
[TS]
◼
►
lot of stuff and he got into therapy and
[TS]
◼
►
stuff and now he's kind of a big thinker
[TS]
◼
►
about this stuff but you know there's
[TS]
◼
►
there's something really resident about
[TS]
◼
►
his character in that movie you know
[TS]
◼
►
it's just it's weird to be such a
[TS]
◼
►
combination of like angry and you know
[TS]
◼
►
fawning click Lisa's one of those people
[TS]
◼
►
that that I feel like he's kinda like
[TS]
◼
►
Pete Townsend in the in the sense that
[TS]
◼
►
the first time I ever laid eyes on him
[TS]
◼
►
before he ever did a comedy like the
[TS]
◼
►
when he arrived on the screen the first
[TS]
◼
►
time I ever saw him he was the star of
[TS]
◼
►
the show to me and I loved him you know
[TS]
◼
►
like the first time I ever saw Pete
[TS]
◼
►
Townsend before i ever saw him do
[TS]
◼
►
anything he was the star of the
[TS]
◼
►
photograph and I knew that I loved him
[TS]
◼
►
and there are those people in the world
[TS]
◼
►
where you just you see them and you know
[TS]
◼
►
that they that they are the one you love
[TS]
◼
►
and you kind of follow them anywhere
[TS]
◼
►
like why would John Cleese in a cast of
[TS]
◼
►
like Python why is click the star and he
[TS]
◼
►
is you know police is the star in a in a
[TS]
◼
►
democracy of of geniuses and it's
[TS]
◼
►
because he has this like supernatural
[TS]
◼
►
power I remember when I was a little kid
[TS]
◼
►
my dad started a college in Alaska what
[TS]
◼
►
he started a college for native guys
[TS]
◼
►
like Eskimo guys who were at the time
[TS]
◼
►
kind of being underserved by the
[TS]
◼
►
university of alaska and my dad started
[TS]
◼
►
this this can t Qing it was like it like
[TS]
◼
►
a teacher's college called the Pacific
[TS]
◼
►
Rim it not university but like it was
[TS]
◼
►
called pacific rim and it was a he
[TS]
◼
►
rented classrooms at alaska pacific
[TS]
◼
►
university and he was giving he had
[TS]
◼
►
hired teachers I mean I was like six
[TS]
◼
►
years old five years old and barely
[TS]
◼
►
remember what he was doing and then and
[TS]
◼
►
now looking back at it I cannot imagine
[TS]
◼
►
what he thought he was doing but he had
[TS]
◼
►
these classrooms full of guys in and
[TS]
◼
►
that work you know they were that was a
[TS]
◼
►
time in Alaska when a lot of young guys
[TS]
◼
►
were coming to Anchorage from the
[TS]
◼
►
villages and they they were having a
[TS]
◼
►
hard time coping with city life and my
[TS]
◼
►
dad had this idea he was going to start
[TS]
◼
►
this school I remember walking into a
[TS]
◼
►
classroom one time and they were like 40
[TS]
◼
►
guys in there they're all between the
[TS]
◼
►
ages of like 17 and 24 and they were all
[TS]
◼
►
and they were in this class and somebody
[TS]
◼
►
was lecturing them about you know how to
[TS]
◼
►
make some make the transition i remember
[TS]
◼
►
what that what the class was about but I
[TS]
◼
►
walked in and I was a little little
[TS]
◼
►
teeny kid and there was a guy in the
[TS]
◼
►
middle of the room just sitting in a
[TS]
◼
►
desk like any one of the 40 guys and I
[TS]
◼
►
just went to him and he was he was just
[TS]
◼
►
a young guy like any other and he was
[TS]
◼
►
kind of like oh hey kid you know and and
[TS]
◼
►
everybody laughed like a little blonde
[TS]
◼
►
boy just kind of walked across the room
[TS]
◼
►
beeline for this guy and I stood I
[TS]
◼
►
stayed with him all day and my dad was
[TS]
◼
►
off doing stuff and he didn't know you
[TS]
◼
►
know he was just like okay well I guess
[TS]
◼
►
you're watching the kid
[TS]
◼
►
well I go do whatever it is I'm gonna go
[TS]
◼
►
do you have to my dad probably left
[TS]
◼
►
campus and went on a date but I spent I
[TS]
◼
►
spent all day a just like glued to this
[TS]
◼
►
guy and my sister was with me and chief
[TS]
◼
►
she was there with like the two of us
[TS]
◼
►
and she was for the two of us were just
[TS]
◼
►
glued to this guy and at the end of the
[TS]
◼
►
day when it was time to for a time for
[TS]
◼
►
him to go like they had to pry us away
[TS]
◼
►
from him and it's not that he ever said
[TS]
◼
►
anything to us he did not back into us
[TS]
◼
►
it was just that this guy was we knew
[TS]
◼
►
when walking in the room i still
[TS]
◼
►
remember the feeling that he was up that
[TS]
◼
►
he was a kind of royalty
[TS]
◼
►
he was a prince and I wanted to be I
[TS]
◼
►
wanted to be with him I wanted to follow
[TS]
◼
►
him and and he was a deal was just a
[TS]
◼
►
dumb teenager like his reaction to us
[TS]
◼
►
I don't know what this is all about I
[TS]
◼
►
don't know what these kids want but he
[TS]
◼
►
was kind to us all day
[TS]
◼
►
it's just that we knew that he was
[TS]
◼
►
somebody special and I don't know
[TS]
◼
►
ever happened to him but uh but every
[TS]
◼
►
once in awhile in life you see these
[TS]
◼
►
people these magic people think John
[TS]
◼
►
places one where it she and he walked
[TS]
◼
►
onto the set and it was just like the
[TS]
◼
►
star right you know and and I think he's
[TS]
◼
►
I think he's born that out right
[TS]
◼
►
yeah and I mean I grew up thinking about
[TS]
◼
►
what you said that cuz I just definitely
[TS]
◼
►
people like that in my own life where
[TS]
◼
►
for reasons I cannot explain it was not
[TS]
◼
►
it was not sexually was not intellectual
[TS]
◼
►
it was not familial for no reason that I
[TS]
◼
►
can quite put my finger on there were
[TS]
◼
►
certain people that I was just I was
[TS]
◼
►
incredibly IC attracted to but you know
[TS]
◼
►
what i mean like magnetized to that I
[TS]
◼
►
just want to be around all the time
[TS]
◼
►
yeah like I want a piece of you go on a
[TS]
◼
►
piece of whatever your thing is you know
[TS]
◼
►
kid karisma maybe one way anything but I
[TS]
◼
►
mean I I don't even remember I mean I'm
[TS]
◼
►
obviously I'm trying to recall something
[TS]
◼
►
that happened to me when I was five but
[TS]
◼
►
i don't remember this guy particularly
[TS]
◼
►
doing anything was executed for he says
[TS]
◼
►
that he's a teenager it sounds like you
[TS]
◼
►
know it wasn't like he was smooth or
[TS]
◼
►
anything no I mean he had had it was the
[TS]
◼
►
early seventies so he had kinda long
[TS]
◼
►
black hair and he was wearing an army
[TS]
◼
►
jacket but but half the guys in the room
[TS]
◼
►
met description it was just that he was
[TS]
◼
►
like you said he was magnetic in some
[TS]
◼
►
way that at that young age I had no
[TS]
◼
►
filter had no social filter that kept me
[TS]
◼
►
from just saying oh well that's the guy
[TS]
◼
►
want to stand next to and you know you
[TS]
◼
►
think about all the social mean half of
[TS]
◼
►
half of growing up is learning to
[TS]
◼
►
implement social filters that keep you
[TS]
◼
►
from making that terrible tragic error
[TS]
◼
►
okay here like walking up to something
[TS]
◼
►
like can I help you
[TS]
◼
►
oh uh yeah I yeah I just wanted to come
[TS]
◼
►
stand by you don't really know why that
[TS]
◼
►
is a life you know just sit here all day
[TS]
◼
►
is obsession we're gonna do you think
[TS]
◼
►
it's alright it's not sexual learn
[TS]
◼
►
things that the sexual or just met
[TS]
◼
►
magnetic this is that there's a little
[TS]
◼
►
boy like that at my daughter school who
[TS]
◼
►
I mean it goes beyond a crush like his
[TS]
◼
►
feelings for my daughter are on like
[TS]
◼
►
this other level and it's it's really
[TS]
◼
►
weird like he always wants to like we're
[TS]
◼
►
getting ready to go he went to like
[TS]
◼
►
bring her things and talk about our
[TS]
◼
►
house he sees an adopted kid from from
[TS]
◼
►
china is like to learn English in like
[TS]
◼
►
the last nine months like amazingly fast
[TS]
◼
►
he's a fantastic like smart swell little
[TS]
◼
►
kid and like he just cannot get enough
[TS]
◼
►
of my daughter you know what i mean but
[TS]
◼
►
I there's been so many people in my life
[TS]
◼
►
like that you know and you you can't
[TS]
◼
►
explain it and you look back and like
[TS]
◼
►
right now I can hear you almost kind of
[TS]
◼
►
struggling to describe from hearing
[TS]
◼
►
right struggling to describe what it
[TS]
◼
►
could possibly have been about this
[TS]
◼
►
yeah you found some magnetic yeah and
[TS]
◼
►
and what's what's what's astonishing is
[TS]
◼
►
that it's entirely possible that he went
[TS]
◼
►
back to his village and got a job
[TS]
◼
►
pumping gas at the airport and now he is
[TS]
◼
►
60 years old he's lucky he's lucky he's
[TS]
◼
►
six years old and easy might be sitting
[TS]
◼
►
on an overturned Apple crate watching
[TS]
◼
►
rachel maddow on a on a settlement TV
[TS]
◼
►
like it's not necessarily so that
[TS]
◼
►
anything amazing happened to this guy
[TS]
◼
►
right there that he became like the
[TS]
◼
►
leader of his people or anything he
[TS]
◼
►
could just be a god
[TS]
◼
►
yeah that's the thing it isn't like I've
[TS]
◼
►
met famous people and it isn't that
[TS]
◼
►
often that you meet somebody and they
[TS]
◼
►
really are just a completely
[TS]
◼
►
incandescent personality i know that
[TS]
◼
►
there are people like that although
[TS]
◼
►
Barbarino Barbarino had that effect
[TS]
◼
►
right the first time
[TS]
◼
►
welcome back kotter came on and i was
[TS]
◼
►
obvious and it scanned the cameras scan
[TS]
◼
►
of the room you're like who's the Goomba
[TS]
◼
►
I like Ron Palillo and Robert edges
[TS]
◼
►
where we're definitely disappear actors
[TS]
◼
►
question you can tell they came from
[TS]
◼
►
like a like Shakespeare background
[TS]
◼
►
interactive absolutely hundred percent
[TS]
◼
►
Shakespeare Shakespeare actors channel
[TS]
◼
►
numbers that show dragged on way too
[TS]
◼
►
long and and and then Barbarino left and
[TS]
◼
►
they brought in that one guy who was
[TS]
◼
►
always the replacement guy on TV shows
[TS]
◼
►
he didn't have his on happy days
[TS]
◼
►
the blond guy Skippy or whatever and
[TS]
◼
►
you're not the one of the big glasses uh
[TS]
◼
►
little kid that it showed up on happy
[TS]
◼
►
no no scrappy-doo yeah I think cousin
[TS]
◼
►
a caller ya cousin Oliver yeah where
[TS]
◼
►
does about Colby cousin Oliver showed up
[TS]
◼
►
on happy days right yeah of course he
[TS]
◼
►
did robbie rist retired punk rocker now
[TS]
◼
►
where they're shown set in 1954 suddenly
[TS]
◼
►
had a kid with the John Denver haircut
[TS]
◼
►
and like point extra class alright let
[TS]
◼
►
um but good remember there's a very like
[TS]
◼
►
a very special episode about her shack
[TS]
◼
►
one ever was i don't think it was
[TS]
◼
►
something about her just me all all very
[TS]
◼
►
special episodes go through different
[TS]
◼
►
strokes but always back to all in the
[TS]
◼
►
family so I can't remember if it's like
[TS]
◼
►
menopause or or rape or race but it was
[TS]
◼
►
something there's something with Paula
[TS]
◼
►
Trump allows character they were they
[TS]
◼
►
explored Shakespearean background book
[TS]
◼
►
see I don't need a Soviet the station
[TS]
◼
►
gentle his condition thought the funds
[TS]
◼
►
is another one like I'm really notice
[TS]
◼
►
where I cannot return in my mind to a
[TS]
◼
►
time when the funds i cannot remember i
[TS]
◼
►
cannot get back into the headspace where
[TS]
◼
►
the funds was the coolest thing in the
[TS]
◼
►
universe because i have i have enough
[TS]
◼
►
exposure to Henry Winkler and what I
[TS]
◼
►
like like a soft like a sauce
[TS]
◼
►
starting with the michael keaton movie
[TS]
◼
►
but the night shift
[TS]
◼
►
oh god no how about this you remember
[TS]
◼
►
when Diane was on there what's her name
[TS]
◼
►
Sally Struthers Johnny Martin what's
[TS]
◼
►
your home like oh yeah I am a doctor but
[TS]
◼
►
yea shoes is pretty cute in that mija
[TS]
◼
►
again but against small cup little boy
[TS]
◼
►
top but I was I was dunno you know who
[TS]
◼
►
you know who is another one of my TV
[TS]
◼
►
hotties Markie Post i'll come on i care
[TS]
◼
►
i wrote I wrote night one of my very
[TS]
◼
►
first song I ever wrote had Markie Post
[TS]
◼
►
okay yeah a little poser is political
[TS]
◼
►
song it was it was it was about the
[TS]
◼
►
apparent differences between us and the
[TS]
◼
►
Soviets well your songs have a lot of
[TS]
◼
►
lyrics in them is very political John if
[TS]
◼
►
you're looking to squeeze Markie Post
[TS]
◼
►
into there was a kind of Russians love
[TS]
◼
►
their children to know there was very
[TS]
◼
►
little yoga or Tantrism it was but it
[TS]
◼
►
was a it was a you
[TS]
◼
►
not Dylan ripoff but it was one of those
[TS]
◼
►
kind of like you know simple dessert
[TS]
◼
►
every kind of Paul Simon ish you have to
[TS]
◼
►
like listen songs you know i do any
[TS]
◼
►
market post yeah no no back to Night
[TS]
◼
►
Court when you're not my quilt but uh
[TS]
◼
►
was denied a nation that shift
[TS]
◼
►
yeah when that movie came out it was
[TS]
◼
►
really the first film Henry Winkler was
[TS]
◼
►
going to do after every shot graphical
[TS]
◼
►
know he'd been in the one where he was a
[TS]
◼
►
pro wrestler with a worm farm because i
[TS]
◼
►
called the world's biggest loser what
[TS]
◼
►
was that one movie remember that one is
[TS]
◼
►
big like well of course Lords of
[TS]
◼
►
Flatbush so as you know the Flatbush in
[TS]
◼
►
1974 with it so that her sir
[TS]
◼
►
no he wasn't Lords of Flatbush remember
[TS]
◼
►
i still remember the TV at the logs up
[TS]
◼
►
that package that posh posh PG cutting
[TS]
◼
►
all this out lawyer big square pegs said
[TS]
◼
►
we're square pegs that was a good show
[TS]
◼
►
right now boy that she had she had a
[TS]
◼
►
serious proportionally giant nose at
[TS]
◼
►
that time did I thought she was totally
[TS]
◼
►
cute i found her very attractive to
[TS]
◼
►
thank you and tell them you felt totally
[TS]
◼
►
different head lots of flowers little
[TS]
◼
►
differently her head
[TS]
◼
►
i Henry England's 1974 and that's kind
[TS]
◼
►
of where they came up with the funny
[TS]
◼
►
character which as you know in season
[TS]
◼
►
one was going to be this kind of minor
[TS]
◼
►
character people loved him so much etc
[TS]
◼
►
but Henry Winkler sport I'm so sorry we
[TS]
◼
►
know I but always came about my eye i
[TS]
◼
►
just recently tweeted a little thing
[TS]
◼
►
about pinky Tuscadero oh my god and her
[TS]
◼
►
sister leather leather together in the
[TS]
◼
►
states from other than what I what I
[TS]
◼
►
discovered through the miracle of
[TS]
◼
►
crowdsourcing because I was like
[TS]
◼
►
whatever happened to picu Tuscadero that
[TS]
◼
►
was a that was a pre models in your
[TS]
◼
►
Larry King spits it was great
[TS]
◼
►
Larry King spits it was great
[TS]
◼
►
listen maybe later I'll get it give me a
[TS]
◼
►
minute what's the name of that but
[TS]
◼
►
through the miracle of crowdsourcing you
[TS]
◼
►
go people told me the whole story you
[TS]
◼
►
know is she paralyzed
[TS]
◼
►
no is it an undecided go to verify my
[TS]
◼
►
thought is another side of the mountain
[TS]
◼
►
thing like she got the matcha crunch and
[TS]
◼
►
now she's in a chair
[TS]
◼
►
no it was a it was a situation where
[TS]
◼
►
they loved that the audience response
[TS]
◼
►
was so positive to pinky Tuscadero that
[TS]
◼
►
they they they were going to make her a
[TS]
◼
►
major character in the next season and
[TS]
◼
►
all the promo ads in the offseason for
[TS]
◼
►
the upcoming season of happy days they
[TS]
◼
►
were really selling pinky Tuscadero well
[TS]
◼
►
she's in all the ads and she's going to
[TS]
◼
►
be a big part of the show you want more
[TS]
◼
►
no it turned out nobody liked her aight
[TS]
◼
►
anything couldn't stand by the cast
[TS]
◼
►
couldn't get along with the cast and the
[TS]
◼
►
director she was like she was she was
[TS]
◼
►
hard to get along with and so they wrote
[TS]
◼
►
her out of the show and apparently more
[TS]
◼
►
very recently she like she got sentenced
[TS]
◼
►
sent to jail because she she fired a
[TS]
◼
►
shotgun into her neighbors she I guess
[TS]
◼
►
she her neighbor's car alarm was going
[TS]
◼
►
off she probably has her reasons she
[TS]
◼
►
she shot her neighbors called pinky
[TS]
◼
►
testing here I'm big it doesn't fucking
[TS]
◼
►
there now see the poor thing now that's
[TS]
◼
►
our file card on her like that was a
[TS]
◼
►
thing she did for a few months in the
[TS]
◼
►
yeah but but that's something that's
[TS]
◼
►
because you don't don't you feel lucky
[TS]
◼
►
that there was that there was no YouTube
[TS]
◼
►
then I mean like that that poor lady she
[TS]
◼
►
got lucky enough Garry Marshall like
[TS]
◼
►
said hey put this lady on the show let's
[TS]
◼
►
yeah and and now she's pinky Tuscadero
[TS]
◼
►
well but but but the thing that really
[TS]
◼
►
resonated with me was that at that stage
[TS]
◼
►
in her life how old she must've been 23
[TS]
◼
►
she gets she gets cast in the role of
[TS]
◼
►
the tough girl in the in the pink satin
[TS]
◼
►
jacket on the number one TV show in the
[TS]
◼
►
country and for whatever reason either
[TS]
◼
►
she's a little crazy or she doesn't
[TS]
◼
►
understand how the world works and I've
[TS]
◼
►
seen this happen a million times
[TS]
◼
►
she doesn't understand how the world
[TS]
◼
►
works and she acts bigger than her
[TS]
◼
►
actual station you know she I'm sure she
[TS]
◼
►
was she was being lame around the cast
[TS]
◼
►
and she didn't realize that she wasn't a
[TS]
◼
►
big star yet and that it was not
[TS]
◼
►
appropriate for her to be a jerk and she
[TS]
◼
►
blew it and she got written out of the
[TS]
◼
►
show right-handed pinch forever after
[TS]
◼
►
she's a footnote and you know and you
[TS]
◼
►
think about like this person at 23 years
[TS]
◼
►
old making what at i mean i can i can
[TS]
◼
►
put myself back in my 23-year old mind
[TS]
◼
►
and recall a time when I thought that
[TS]
◼
►
success meant that I would be able to be
[TS]
◼
►
a jerk to people and no one could be mad
[TS]
◼
►
at me because I was successful
[TS]
◼
►
like I legitimately suffered through a
[TS]
◼
►
long period of feeling like the the
[TS]
◼
►
reason to get successful but then you
[TS]
◼
►
would not have to be nice but that was
[TS]
◼
►
that was the only appeal it was not
[TS]
◼
►
money it was nice to him on the way up
[TS]
◼
►
because you're gonna meet again when
[TS]
◼
►
you're on the way down
[TS]
◼
►
yeah and i would rather hear those at
[TS]
◼
►
people would say things like that to me
[TS]
◼
►
and I'd be like that's just because you
[TS]
◼
►
know you're not famous enough yet you
[TS]
◼
►
don't know Marlon Brando didn't have to
[TS]
◼
►
be nice to anybody right well you know
[TS]
◼
►
it's not like Robert De Niro has to be
[TS]
◼
►
nice to anybody almost there up
[TS]
◼
►
apparently the narrow is nice to people
[TS]
◼
►
although God knows why I think he's a
[TS]
◼
►
little goofy probably well okay 10 and
[TS]
◼
►
it was it was only it was only after
[TS]
◼
►
many many years of not being successful
[TS]
◼
►
then I realized that I needed to learn
[TS]
◼
►
to be nice to people just out of this
[TS]
◼
►
kind of a recent variation that's a
[TS]
◼
►
fairly recent thing for you isn't it
[TS]
◼
►
well last 10 years i was 30 years old
[TS]
◼
►
and still not entirely convinced that i
[TS]
◼
►
needed to be nice to people you want
[TS]
◼
►
that nice when I met you
[TS]
◼
►
well you know long as I have known you
[TS]
◼
►
would let me just get a 69 now to 69
[TS]
◼
►
years old so how old was she in 1975 I
[TS]
◼
►
can't do the math me neither
[TS]
◼
►
she's born 43 so she would have been 32
[TS]
◼
►
something like that is the picture on
[TS]
◼
►
her i'm sorry i did i did look at
[TS]
◼
►
picture for with the henry winkler 1976
[TS]
◼
►
I'm sorry you have heard me make a
[TS]
◼
►
little noise a couple minutes ago
[TS]
◼
►
let me see if i can find this on october
[TS]
◼
►
twenty seven two thousand she was
[TS]
◼
►
sentenced to 120 days in jail after
[TS]
◼
►
pleading no contest to charges stemming
[TS]
◼
►
from an August 22,000 arrest for hitting
[TS]
◼
►
a man with her cane haha thinking mr.
[TS]
◼
►
Garrow that's it for example can I
[TS]
◼
►
wonder if it's a sword came but listen
[TS]
◼
►
if anybody's listening to this program
[TS]
◼
►
and you want to get me a gift sword cane
[TS]
◼
►
yeah yeah yeah yeah I worry about these
[TS]
◼
►
things I worry about the determination
[TS]
◼
►
all of these things John I i was
[TS]
◼
►
thinking I was thinking I was thinking
[TS]
◼
►
of an event not that long ago where I
[TS]
◼
►
was mean to somebody and I was like I
[TS]
◼
►
was mean to somebody i'm still being
[TS]
◼
►
mean to people how have I not how I know
[TS]
◼
►
John everybody's mean sometimes I guess
[TS]
◼
►
well but it now you're not made of stone
[TS]
◼
►
you have bad days I suppose I'm trying
[TS]
◼
►
to stop being mean you know one thing
[TS]
◼
►
trying so hard but one of the things
[TS]
◼
►
I've learned from jonathan coulton who
[TS]
◼
►
is never mean to anybody's a pussy
[TS]
◼
►
well see that's the problem you think a
[TS]
◼
►
lot of that well-known a good way
[TS]
◼
►
because i have accused him of being a
[TS]
◼
►
pussy and you know what he says he's
[TS]
◼
►
like yeah maybe I'm like that's the
[TS]
◼
►
pussiest thing is that what how can you
[TS]
◼
►
sit here and take this is like whoa whoa
[TS]
◼
►
don't care of you came up maybe i'll be
[TS]
◼
►
in my bunk but but but but everybody
[TS]
◼
►
loves him and and he's a genuinely nice
[TS]
◼
►
and thoughtful guy not thoughtful isn't
[TS]
◼
►
like he gives you greeting cards but he
[TS]
◼
►
thinks a lot he does think of when you
[TS]
◼
►
ask him a question he very rarely unless
[TS]
◼
►
he's trying to to like make a joke
[TS]
◼
►
Jonathan will never of his own accord
[TS]
◼
►
just shoot an answer to be fast
[TS]
◼
►
you almost always kind of make a face
[TS]
◼
►
and look up at the sky and think it's
[TS]
◼
►
true i really admire that
[TS]
◼
►
but you know he talked about somebody
[TS]
◼
►
who has who has formed a cult around
[TS]
◼
►
yeah which I have to say is not my goal
[TS]
◼
►
is not my end goal that is not why I'm
[TS]
◼
►
saying this but he has really more love
[TS]
◼
►
cult around no no no no that the people
[TS]
◼
►
that terrified me the most of the ones
[TS]
◼
►
that agree with me
[TS]
◼
►
how about if you could have a Collins
[TS]
◼
►
and Darrell you but if you could have a
[TS]
◼
►
color you get the hand tech who is in
[TS]
◼
►
your cult but you have to vet them
[TS]
◼
►
because probably the cult is you don't
[TS]
◼
►
get to pick right he is the problem the
[TS]
◼
►
you know i mean the mob because this one
[TS]
◼
►
mind but if you if you have you got like
[TS]
◼
►
five minutes with somebody to decide if
[TS]
◼
►
they could be in your cult I I am I am
[TS]
◼
►
embarrassed to say that one of my
[TS]
◼
►
long-standing fantasies and this goes
[TS]
◼
►
all the way back to seventh grade when I
[TS]
◼
►
should have been at a part of a forest
[TS]
◼
►
service trail building program but
[TS]
◼
►
instead was it wendler junior high
[TS]
◼
►
school in anchorage alaska and forced to
[TS]
◼
►
sit in a room with a bunch of other like
[TS]
◼
►
pimply-faced shitbirds all of us will
[TS]
◼
►
just go back to your bedroom and
[TS]
◼
►
fantasize about yeah we're walking we
[TS]
◼
►
all had we all had 10 our boners and
[TS]
◼
►
we're sitting in this classroom being
[TS]
◼
►
taught algebra and it was during this
[TS]
◼
►
point in time that I developed the
[TS]
◼
►
technology of imagining that I could
[TS]
◼
►
stop time because i was i was sitting in
[TS]
◼
►
algebra class and I had three
[TS]
◼
►
conflicting desires all of them and I
[TS]
◼
►
remember thinking about this long and in
[TS]
◼
►
a detailed fashion at the time I had
[TS]
◼
►
three desires and they were all equal i
[TS]
◼
►
could not prioritize one desire over the
[TS]
◼
►
other and the three desires were a that
[TS]
◼
►
I wanted to go to sleep I wanted to go
[TS]
◼
►
back to sleep because I was very very
[TS]
◼
►
tired had been forced to get up in the
[TS]
◼
►
this is just a regular this is this is
[TS]
◼
►
not ranked you're just starting
[TS]
◼
►
practices that he wanted 1i am one of
[TS]
◼
►
any of them was you want to go to sleep
[TS]
◼
►
I wanted to go back to sleep i did not
[TS]
◼
►
want to get up in the morning I did not
[TS]
◼
►
want to go to school I was forced to do
[TS]
◼
►
these things and now i'm sitting in
[TS]
◼
►
school and I just want to go back to
[TS]
◼
►
sleep so that is desire one and if I
[TS]
◼
►
could stop time the first thing I would
[TS]
◼
►
do is go to sleep time would be stopped
[TS]
◼
►
so there would be no penalty is so
[TS]
◼
►
practical I would sleep until i was done
[TS]
◼
►
sleeping and then i would wake up and I
[TS]
◼
►
would end I would have lost nothing
[TS]
◼
►
the second thing the second thing I
[TS]
◼
►
wanted was to see naked girls and if I
[TS]
◼
►
could stop time i would first go to
[TS]
◼
►
sleep and then this was my plan in
[TS]
◼
►
seventh grade I would go through the
[TS]
◼
►
whole school everybody would be frozen
[TS]
◼
►
and I would move i think with a dolly
[TS]
◼
►
sure I would move all the pretty girls
[TS]
◼
►
that I wanted to see make it i would
[TS]
◼
►
move them all to the gym and then I
[TS]
◼
►
would that I would take off their
[TS]
◼
►
clothes and I would see them naked and
[TS]
◼
►
type time is still frozen in time is
[TS]
◼
►
ok so i would have time to put their
[TS]
◼
►
clothes back martyr who delivered them
[TS]
◼
►
back to their classrooms with the be a
[TS]
◼
►
dollar whatever method I mean let's be
[TS]
◼
►
honest I mean this might this might take
[TS]
◼
►
four or five days to register and try to
[TS]
◼
►
get them all the way back in like with
[TS]
◼
►
the pencil in their hand every time will
[TS]
◼
►
stop so and this was a long time before
[TS]
◼
►
it occurred to me that I would ever
[TS]
◼
►
actually have sex i had no interest in I
[TS]
◼
►
did not understand how it well you
[TS]
◼
►
certainly couldn't have sex with
[TS]
◼
►
somebody without their consent so that
[TS]
◼
►
was off the table
[TS]
◼
►
I just wanted to see them without their
[TS]
◼
►
clothes on it was a simple it was a
[TS]
◼
►
simple man doesn't seem that complicated
[TS]
◼
►
it wouldn't it wasn't that complicated
[TS]
◼
►
and if I edit if I could go back in time
[TS]
◼
►
and talk to myself that I would say hey
[TS]
◼
►
listen there's a better way to do this
[TS]
◼
►
then stopping time and moving them all
[TS]
◼
►
to the gym but it may take you a couple
[TS]
◼
►
I can't wait for three number three was
[TS]
◼
►
that had I will I wanted chocolate chip
[TS]
◼
►
and no particular order all all three
[TS]
◼
►
designers were equal but I but after i
[TS]
◼
►
had slept and I just seeing all these
[TS]
◼
►
uh-huh then I could eat i could find and
[TS]
◼
►
eat as many chocolate chip cookies at
[TS]
◼
►
one time to stop that was gonna stop you
[TS]
◼
►
I'm it stopped and then i would start
[TS]
◼
►
time again and no one no one would
[TS]
◼
►
notice the girls might feel like why are
[TS]
◼
►
my pants on backwards that's a result of
[TS]
◼
►
course all the cookies and web my leg
[TS]
◼
►
warmers and Ron somewhere somewhere in
[TS]
◼
►
the town there would be some like like
[TS]
◼
►
large woman in a chef's hat that was
[TS]
◼
►
like what we're all the cookies go
[TS]
◼
►
replace John Rutter looks arrested but
[TS]
◼
►
but that was how that was how I was
[TS]
◼
►
going to use the most powerful powerball
[TS]
◼
►
you shouldn't you should have been
[TS]
◼
►
building trail really i had no business
[TS]
◼
►
being with you and being really worn out
[TS]
◼
►
by the end of the day
[TS]
◼
►
yeah you know you want you mind if I you
[TS]
◼
►
might have had that dream but you
[TS]
◼
►
wouldn't have remembered it because you
[TS]
◼
►
would have Treasury you know what you're
[TS]
◼
►
going to get good sleep when you cut
[TS]
◼
►
let's be honest yeah you want to do when
[TS]
◼
►
you want my other day dream in that same
[TS]
◼
►
era was that the Russians invaded and
[TS]
◼
►
that all the sudden we looked out of
[TS]
◼
►
their classrooms and the and the the gym
[TS]
◼
►
was full of like paratroopers allow red
[TS]
◼
►
although this cluster at done although
[TS]
◼
►
this fantasy was a long time before red
[TS]
◼
►
dawn I think I'd be a welder who danced
[TS]
◼
►
haha no I had I had presage to the I
[TS]
◼
►
provisions the 0 is your IP that was
[TS]
◼
►
that you can help with that because we
[TS]
◼
►
were in Alaska with the Russians were
[TS]
◼
►
like well the Cold War here they came
[TS]
◼
►
that you are right there you you guys
[TS]
◼
►
for the front yard of america that's
[TS]
◼
►
right and I imagine that the arms full
[TS]
◼
►
of paratroopers and then all the kids
[TS]
◼
►
got up and started screaming we all ran
[TS]
◼
►
again to the gym because that's where
[TS]
◼
►
you went and in my fantasy I was put in
[TS]
◼
►
charge because I was
[TS]
◼
►
the Civil Air Patrol had the training
[TS]
◼
►
and i have the training you you'd help
[TS]
◼
►
like direct parking at likes counting
[TS]
◼
►
the hours that I that I would you know
[TS]
◼
►
that i would i would form the students
[TS]
◼
►
into into troops we're doing very well
[TS]
◼
►
be a very brief training session because
[TS]
◼
►
the Russians would be in the parking lot
[TS]
◼
►
but we would mount a defense but you
[TS]
◼
►
would have time to get them basic if you
[TS]
◼
►
like marching orders and then give them
[TS]
◼
►
the appropriate amount of encouragement
[TS]
◼
►
and direction so that they could go and
[TS]
◼
►
fight back that the Reds right but
[TS]
◼
►
officially but you would you would know
[TS]
◼
►
you would know in that moment other
[TS]
◼
►
people are losing their heads but she
[TS]
◼
►
would have the focus to know how to
[TS]
◼
►
bring this trips together even those
[TS]
◼
►
those those young scrappy unseasoned
[TS]
◼
►
yeah I have the training and also most
[TS]
◼
►
of the time i was wearing a flight suit
[TS]
◼
►
on the move and yet here we are again
[TS]
◼
►
you're like a kind of spider-man 2 here
[TS]
◼
►
and really always ready and and you know
[TS]
◼
►
and I feel like I feel like by hook or
[TS]
◼
►
by crook the long way around now Merlin
[TS]
◼
►
you and I are our we're actually in a
[TS]
◼
►
position where we have a high school gym
[TS]
◼
►
full of confused students and we have
[TS]
◼
►
the opportunity and a few brief moments
[TS]
◼
►
every week to form them into hardened
[TS]
◼
►
shock troops to defend not against
[TS]
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Russian paratroopers but against Snorks
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what is that the candy normals oh god
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you've been preparing your whole life
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for this moment there's so many
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scenarios that you have gone through in
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your head you know i'm sitting around
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looking at garter belts and you're
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figuring out how we're gonna beat the
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Russians yeah i just gotta have wasted
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so many fantasies I just got a text from
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a friend who is at a local option down
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in renton and his text just says you
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missed the guns who so bright and early
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light by the black people moved right oh
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well among other things written is the
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town to the south where all you're
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suggesting that I think the way that's
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where a lot of people who can
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pushed out like rising prices they
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couldn't keep up with the property taxes
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yes that's correct the guns they left
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guns the town that that our town made it
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used to be used to be a town that a
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drugstore and hardware store and now
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it's just a town it's just one of those
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guys think ahh yes that's selling John
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Mellencamp salons
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yeah there's there's like a remote
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there's rrc modeling store on Main
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Street though you know what I mean like
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if an RC modeling store is on Main
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yeah it opens up at the old mall on the
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outskirts of town that's your town is
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yeah Wow chocolate chip cookies
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that's right up there and I swear to you
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right now if there was a there was a
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naked girl sitting on my couch and a bag
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of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
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i would still be torn but you stopped
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time you don't have to choose you know
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what I think I think right now I would
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probably go to sleep first
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