Roderick on the Line

Ep. 70: "Bad Cop, Worse Cop, Man in Bathrobe"


  hello hey John [TS]

  hi Merlin has gone pretty good [TS]

  yep I got that keyboard that you [TS]

  suggested [TS]

  oh it arrived in the mail it is I you [TS]

  didn't tell me it was solar-powered see [TS]

  any wouldn't get it [TS]

  I'm so psyched though the end I thought [TS]

  like you're absolutely right if you had [TS]

  said it's solar-powered bluetooth [TS]

  keyboard i would have hung up the phone [TS]

  immediately like an okay [TS]

  imagine if I had said to you my god John [TS]

  you're hungry you should try these chips [TS]

  they're so freaking hang up already i [TS]

  don't know i always something [TS]

  these chips are so good up there and i [TS]

  would say they're right there there [TS]

  puffed rice and and rolled out but still [TS]

  cut rolled oats tough-on-crime let's [TS]

  have a family that are that are a [TS]

  seasoned with olives salt [TS]

  I would have been I would I wouldn't [TS]

  have even been listening I would've been [TS]

  gone and recovered oil but this keyboard [TS]

  is beautiful [TS]

  it's just that I haven't I haven't yet [TS]

  synced it with any of my devices because [TS]

  i want to save that moment you don't [TS]

  like the little blue lights light up [TS]

  it's pretty exciting [TS]

  I like all but I like everything about [TS]

  it but I don't wanna I don't wanna rush [TS]

  into anything with it [TS]

  mhm so I'm still sitting at my computer [TS]

  with no operative keyboard that was [TS]

  insensitive of me to send you our weekly [TS]

  boop because I knew I should have known [TS]

  that it wasn't ready but I'm very I'm [TS]

  very happy note that it arrived i think [TS]

  yes things will get better you boo me [TS]

  and I that but I knew that it was I knew [TS]

  you didn't expect a reboot [TS]

  yeah well I would like to think that [TS]

  that is a tentpole of our relationship [TS]

  is we don't always expect a boot yeah [TS]

  right you send out a Boop maybe get a [TS]

  boot back maybe don't you feel that way [TS]

  really i mean i think with us I hope [TS]

  that's the way it is but don't you [TS]

  sometimes worry about not getting a boot [TS]

  from someone [TS]

  well here's the funny things sometimes I [TS]

  go weeks and weeks and weeks I don't [TS]

  need a boot from anybody and then other [TS]

  times all of a sudden I send a Boop out [TS]

  I don't get a boot back in [TS]

  in five or six minutes and then I'm [TS]

  literally up a tree [TS]

  I have to go climb a tree and and him up [TS]

  there pulling my hair out about like [TS]

  where's my roommate words the boot back [TS]

  right and an idea and I honestly don't [TS]

  understand how how you how one person [TS]

  can fluctuate from sol a sol are [TS]

  autonomous and pens self-contained to so [TS]

  needy it in such a short amount of time [TS]

  and a lot of times the boot the boot [TS]

  that I want isn't really the boob I want [TS]

  it's just some random boob I send a [TS]

  thing out and I don't get a reply on my [TS]

  god no it's not that's not even that's [TS]

  not even the big boob you know when [TS]

  they're they're probably days like when [TS]

  you're busy you're traveling you're on [TS]

  the road you get stuff going on you get [TS]

  way too many boots and yeah so many [TS]

  books right well and that's the thing if [TS]

  you live in a world where you're not [TS]

  you're not [TS]

  johnny-on-the-spot with the boobs how [TS]

  can you then be upset [TS]

  uh-huh when something you know somebody [TS]

  else's probably juggling three jobs or [TS]

  you know or peeling avocados or whatever [TS]

  it is that people do and and they don't [TS]

  have time to just be like looking at [TS]

  their phone all day literally spent five [TS]

  hours talking about this today he did [TS]

  oh this was your your buzz match meeting [TS]

  that was my buzz which yeah you had a [TS]

  buzz yellow meeting with some buzz which [TS]

  is this can help people John I keep [TS]

  thinking I can help people didn't want [TS]

  you to be on their board are you on [TS]

  their board i think that was [TS]

  mmm i think it was certainly something [TS]

  that would have been under consideration [TS]

  if I if I weren't such a horrible little [TS]

  contradictory man ever see you seem [TS]

  perfect she's involved fiction m [TS]

  nope well Harvey to the calling Harvey [TS]

  Keitel the wolf you to come and clean [TS]

  out the car after they accidentally blow [TS]

  the kids had notes this point i say blow [TS]

  the kid's head off in the back of a cool [TS]

  car shows up in there was a chance of [TS]

  Alta is what Justin nsx us three car and [TS]

  then and then so does it look let's be [TS]

  honest and that in that situation just [TS]

  revolted looking for the poop [TS]

  is he is waiting right for the harvey [TS]

  keitel this wolf to be deferential to [TS]

  him and to treat him with respect [TS]

  right and I don't I can't quote it from [TS]

  memory but it's something along the [TS]

  lines of listen I talk fast I Drive fast [TS]

  you know it seems like a plan being Curt [TS]

  with you you know it's because we have a [TS]

  job to do and you know the time is [TS]

  limited [TS]

  it's basically me with everyone all the [TS]

  time yeah and I so I had to I had that [TS]

  they said that today to the founder of a [TS]

  company so you win and then they were [TS]

  like what do you think about this and [TS]

  they gave me some buzz words and you're [TS]

  like let me cut to the chase [TS]

  they were super nice people but i did at [TS]

  one point I did this I was clearly [TS]

  really frustrating this one guy with me [TS]

  and how I am I said I'm frustrating you [TS]

  aren't I [TS]

  and he was just he really wanted [TS]

  everything in bullets and and finally I [TS]

  was like let me explain something to you [TS]

  ah if you expect me to come in here and [TS]

  just agree with all the reasons why your [TS]

  product is good the way it is you're [TS]

  wasting your money right [TS]

  I'm hear them the Merlin Mann verbal [TS]

  scimitars I i gave them I i read them a [TS]

  1500 word right after it was all great [TS]

  but you know honestly John it's like I I [TS]

  you helped so many people I see it every [TS]

  day I see people saying how much you [TS]

  helped them and I'm really envious [TS]

  mmm i am I mean you are helping people [TS]

  in this great land of ours and again [TS]

  other lands other lesser lands shiro [TS]

  think they're all necessarily lesser [TS]

  land super helping people all around the [TS]

  world Merlin oh I mean I i did this [TS]

  keynote speech with my good friend [TS]

  Kathleen Edwards of canada i love her [TS]

  uh-uh-uh-uh a wonderful nation i will be [TS]

  set allen and especially for something [TS]

  from that country God love boys that [TS]

  interact with all the handicaps that she [TS]

  came into this world shoot with not even [TS]

  a disability that the red hair they want [TS]

  me to chair [TS]

  yeah but so we can Kathleen is very [TS]

  she's a very Merlin Mann like a person [TS]

  when he's got a mouth on her i'll say [TS]

  that she does she's a she she works blue [TS]

  and she was so we were sitting before [TS]

  right before we had go on onstage [TS]

  and the people that are putting on the [TS]

  event they usher these two very nice [TS]

  people over and they sit down in our [TS]

  table where we were you know where we [TS]

  were like prepping for our presentation [TS]

  and the people who are putting on this [TS]

  presentation say we'd like you to meet [TS]

  these two people they're really excited [TS]

  to meet you [TS]

  they are from rhapsody and of rhapsody [TS]

  people said to us this is a golden [TS]

  opportunity we really want to work with [TS]

  artists like you we want to provide we [TS]

  want to provide really like heightened [TS]

  content to our look to our listeners we [TS]

  want you to socially networked with with [TS]

  people who are fans of yours on rhapsody [TS]

  and Kathleen said she really put her [TS]

  hand down on the table and said let me [TS]

  stop you there [TS]

  why would I socially networked with my [TS]

  fans through your website answer and [TS]

  they both went good question [TS]

  well we really think that there's an [TS]

  opportunity for you to meet people [TS]

  online and she said hang on just a [TS]

  second and she SAT there right in front [TS]

  of the man tweeted and you any one of my [TS]

  fans use rhapsody and she didn't use the [TS]

  platform John within 30 seconds she had [TS]

  25 replies all of them nope [TS]

  and like two of them more like nope [TS]

  nobody does and so she was like so [TS]

  anyway anything else and it worked like [TS]

  they were pretty flabbergasted because [TS]

  they had a whole pitch and she just [TS]

  simit artem I didn't I was eating a [TS]

  chicken sandwich I didn't even I didn't [TS]

  even like that you aren't you're called [TS]

  upon [TS]

  no I was in the sandwich and taking it [TS]

  taking a drink of milk and nobody asked [TS]

  me to set there with my eyes twinkling [TS]

  but but yeah you and she should go into [TS]

  business together [TS]

  I should never be in any business but [TS]

  for the opposite of corporate raiders [TS]

  corporate corporate make Criers you can [TS]

  just look around and you make [TS]

  corporations cry anime if you're telling [TS]

  me there might be a role for people to [TS]

  speak way more truth to power than they [TS]

  have ever heard [TS]

  huh and we not only disrupt the [TS]

  conversations that their use the empty [TS]

  fucking buzzword Laden conversations [TS]

  that they're used to having with other [TS]

  people who think that's acceptable [TS]

  yeah and we say two things to them in a [TS]

  way that they're not used to and then [TS]

  cry [TS]

  yeah I think they need that John you [TS]

  need to be on some boards i think [TS]

  there's a job there [TS]

  you know I I have all the confidence see [TS]

  here's the thing i think if i walked [TS]

  into a boardroom and there was 16 [TS]

  million dollars in hundred-dollar bills [TS]

  on the on the boardroom table that would [TS]

  give me pause but I i had been fairly [TS]

  confident that you and Kathleen Edwards [TS]

  both could walk into a room with 16 [TS]

  million dollars on the table now this is [TS]

  it this isn't 16 million dollars that [TS]

  it's been specified is intended for [TS]

  anything it's just there [TS]

  ok there's an intimidation tactic [TS]

  they've just that and it's not stacked [TS]

  they just kind of piled it there in [TS]

  bundles like the world series of poker [TS]

  foo and it's just there because they [TS]

  know you're coming in they know you're [TS]

  the people that are there to make [TS]

  corporations cry and this is this is [TS]

  their way of like that they're trying to [TS]

  freak you out there trying to psych you [TS]

  out [TS]

  it's a bully tactic and i think i would [TS]

  walk into that room with my bathrobe in [TS]

  my seminar and I would see that six [TS]

  million 16 million dollars and I would [TS]

  get a little distracted but I think you [TS]

  and Kathleen could you could both sit [TS]

  atop that money [TS]

  still deliver the bad news and not even [TS]

  really notice the money was there [TS]

  oh we're in it for the for the passion [TS]

  it's all about the music with us I think [TS]

  it's all about the music for you guys [TS]

  yeah but you're also your get better [TS]

  with money I mean you really you you are [TS]

  and I must be honest this is all the [TS]

  more reason why we should probably team [TS]

  up right you want something [TS]

  well you know you got somebody with good [TS]

  knees to be the catcher you know and [TS]

  somebody a little short guy is real [TS]

  quick to be the shortstop [TS]

  so you and Kathleen go in and you just [TS]

  start hammering them and they're blown [TS]

  away because they're used to people [TS]

  freaking out about the money and i'm [TS]

  behind i'm coming in behind and I'm [TS]

  scooping the money into a trader joes [TS]

  shopping back it's like bad cop worse [TS]

  cop man in africa but I brought all my [TS]

  trader joes shopping bags go back 15 [TS]

  years every logo and I'm just sweeping [TS]

  the money in there they're not even [TS]

  noticing because they're so upset when [TS]

  their blood is so the blood to thin [TS]

  their phones are so thin and they're [TS]

  there so they're so wrecked from a [TS]

  context i like this i think this is a [TS]

  great business model i think it is and [TS]

  you know if I can find a way to get paid [TS]

  for what I'm actually good at [TS]

  i think i would be very successful the [TS]

  problem is that historically i have been [TS]

  paid for stuff that i am not [TS]

  particularly good at and I've been lucky [TS]

  sometimes but it's a that will not to [TS]

  blow too much smoke but Merlin I think [TS]

  that even the things that you consider [TS]

  yourself not very good at you are way [TS]

  better at than most people who are doing [TS]

  that job that's why you get paid to do [TS]

  those things [TS]

  thank you but also it's the same problem [TS]

  m CH Allen's the same gift [TS]

  let's say that you've got which is that [TS]

  and we can we talk about this we are [TS]

  gifted men [TS]

  we're extremely gifted we're lucky man [TS]

  were middle-aged men who are lucky to be [TS]

  alive [TS]

  we are lucky to be alone every people [TS]

  our people our age are dying of [TS]

  congestive heart failure all over [TS]

  America and i'm going to think about [TS]

  that okay I'm sorry but we talked about [TS]

  this little bit i think going to dad [TS]

  that very important first interview [TS]

  together in my back yard with the cat [TS]

  and the Chinese people playing [TS]

  basketball [TS]

  mom you know I i really i really believe [TS]

  that one of the things that makes you [TS]

  such an interesting person is your it [TS]

  seems like you have a biological source [TS]

  of pain when you're expected to play [TS]

  along with BS especially when it affects [TS]

  you write it seems like a system is my [TS]

  duodenum really what i have at the [TS]

  bottom spasm for me it's my pyloric [TS]

  valve all right itself feels right [TS]

  especially when you're dealing with [TS]

  mixes haha Boethius is wheel it turns [TS]

  but now I mean uh huh yeah right time to [TS]

  talk about real things but but you know [TS]

  it'sit's III it's frustrating because I [TS]

  I used to just think it was merely [TS]

  because i have bad impulse control and [TS]

  the truth is I have bad impulse control [TS]

  but it also that like it's just it's [TS]

  like you imagine like something somebody [TS]

  comes to your door and they're trying to [TS]

  sell you something and then they keep [TS]

  talking to you and like the thing is you [TS]

  don't want what they're selling you [TS]

  don't want to be talking to them and you [TS]

  don't want them at your door but like [TS]

  you're the dick if you say could you the [TS]

  only making always to say i have no [TS]

  money and i will never have money that's [TS]

  really the only way or shoot them up now [TS]

  you gotta deal with the body [TS]

  I don't know you you're one of those [TS]

  guys and I i have known a few but but [TS]

  but a very few where you know the the [TS]

  insult of of complicity in modern life [TS]

  is this death by a thousand cuts you [TS]

  know it [TS]

  everybody's standards are just Whittle [TS]

  the way over the course of time and and [TS]

  the the first time you see Madonna's [TS]

  belly button on television it's on the [TS]

  front it's on the cover of Time magazine [TS]

  what in the front it is to civilization [TS]

  and you know and as I've said before now [TS]

  there is surely somewhere right now in a [TS]

  club some pop star who is who is [TS]

  stretching her labia over someone's [TS]

  forehead and for a music video and [TS]

  everybody's like amazing amazing how [TS]

  come Madonna didn't do that how come [TS]

  nobody thought of that before and it's [TS]

  it's just that incremental e we have [TS]

  grown accustomed to vulgarity and to [TS]

  insult to such a degree that most people [TS]

  are living in the this kind of state of [TS]

  like of constant surrender and the the [TS]

  only fight they can muster [TS]

  he's like that's not my brand of ice [TS]

  cream [TS]

  you know that's not my that's not my [TS]

  shit that's not my favorite channel and [TS]

  I'm gonna and I'm I'm an amount of [TS]

  protest but there are a few people like [TS]

  you who have never accepted any of those [TS]

  incremental degradation 'he's and you [TS]

  are still fighting a fight way back [TS]

  upstream where you're you're just you [TS]

  are not accepting the basic premise that [TS]

  a lot of people are our seasoning their [TS]

  food with you know and I have a few [TS]

  friends like this and some of the and [TS]

  the problem is all you all in any don't [TS]

  pay their bills but none of them do what [TS]

  you know one of them is working as a [TS]

  security guard and the problem is that [TS]

  at a certain point that starts to look [TS]

  like paranoia or you start to you start [TS]

  to seem like a likely at least initially [TS]

  look at least like a crank a crank [TS]

  bordering on a conspiracy theorists are [TS]

  bordering on you know it's it's ok it's [TS]

  only two it's only two more doors down [TS]

  the hall before you're starting to talk [TS]

  about a bio streaks in the sky but [TS]

  whatever whatever that it is about I saw [TS]

  a billy corgan video where he's on stage [TS]

  somewhere talking about talking about [TS]

  the crop dusting shitting me [TS]

  no you don't i'm talking about right [TS]

  there I don't know I don't know about [TS]

  this what is up with a blue streaks what [TS]

  are they get so there's a whole subset [TS]

  of the internet crank land that looks up [TS]

  in the sky and sees put contrails from [TS]

  jets and the array the arrangement of [TS]

  contrails in the sky is pretentious to [TS]

  them and f that is that is so not a [TS]

  thing it's a thing and no way evidence [TS]

  this bear with me evidence that the the [TS]

  government and i'm not talking about and [TS]

  I know my god [TS]

  what about the Obama Nazis i'm talking [TS]

  about the big government about that the [TS]

  real talk about the real government they [TS]

  are basically from a very high altitude [TS]

  crop-dusting us with like powdered sugar [TS]

  and LSD and birth control pills and some [TS]

  you know and like he just like monkey [TS]

  glands and Ted Nugent's g-string [TS]

  underwear and I don't know what it is in [TS]

  these what they're gassing us with I [TS]

  haven't had not been able to follow in [TS]

  their theory of this what what does that [TS]

  dusting accomplished for the government [TS]

  it is using against my client [TS]

  yes it's another way you are blind to [TS]

  the truth which is that we are being [TS]

  chemically controlled I'm otherwise [TS]

  controlled so that so that end goals [TS]

  like universal healthcare can be forced [TS]

  down our throats or worse worse things [TS]

  like the all-seeing eye on top of the [TS]

  pyramid [TS]

  oh I've seen that Yeah Yeah Yeah right [TS]

  well yeah you know when they hold your [TS]

  hundred-dollar bill up to the light [TS]

  they're just looking for Obama you found [TS]

  that crystal ball wrapped in that piece [TS]

  of a velvet that you're not supposed to [TS]

  touch remember when the wizard said [TS]

  don't look into the ball with the [TS]

  tabernacle but I don't know what's in [TS]

  the tabernacle but i dunno under Gustad [TS]

  Switzerland there is a there is a mine [TS]

  shaft leading to a room on remind me of [TS]

  dr. Strangelove for the Jews are eating [TS]

  Christian babies right to make them into [TS]

  matzo bread and there's no but now [TS]

  they're grinding their bones and their [TS]

  crop dusting this with them is so right [TS]

  yeah well that's what I heard well it [TS]

  stands to reason so anyway if you if [TS]

  Billy about that Jim Corrigan he you're [TS]

  telling me he's up on stage and he's he [TS]

  hit the the power to which he speaks [TS]

  truth is the crop dusting government [TS]

  that's right he's later people know [TS]

  those are not just did that you're not [TS]

  merely just lines of moisture in the sky [TS]

  right there's something bigger going on [TS]

  he is standing on stage somewhere in a [TS]

  room full of people who believe that [TS]

  melancholy and the infinite sadness of [TS]

  the of the ARS poetica of the what was [TS]

  that what was that I said when the wind [TS]

  upon meets the Queen to the bishop 16 [TS]

  Apple hundred i like his final Myra [TS]

  despite all his race so just really goes [TS]

  gay which I'm assuming now is like it [TS]

  was taking a 250-seat club somewhere on [TS]

  the outskirts of sick fall and he's up [TS]

  on stage you know with us but the just a [TS]

  silver star on his long sleeve t-shirt [TS]

  and he's talking about these crop [TS]

  described i wish i knew i wish i had a [TS]

  keyboard i could figure out what these [TS]

  things are called because they have a [TS]

  name and everything it takes a look at [TS]

  you were looking for like add contrail [TS]

  crop on conspiracy [TS]

  yeah maybe okay yeah and-and-and what's [TS]

  great about it is that as evidence as [TS]

  proof of this [TS]

  they have photos and photos just volumes [TS]

  of photos from haha contrails scarred [TS]

  next makes tea leaves look pretty pretty [TS]

  sophisticated because there's because [TS]

  there's some going this way and then [TS]

  there's some going on the guy John this [TS]

  is real the chemtrail conspiracy theory [TS]

  trails that's it come true that it's not [TS]

  moisture the chemtrail conspiracy theory [TS]

  holds that some trails left by aircraft [TS]

  are chemical or biological agents [TS]

  deliberately sprayed at high altitudes [TS]

  for purposes undisclosed the general [TS]

  public in clandestine programs directed [TS]

  by various government officials area 51 [TS]

  mm silver iodide yeah so their spring it [TS]

  really high up so that it dissipates [TS]

  over all of us include presumably the [TS]

  pilots grandmothers and the and the u.s. [TS]

  senator that lives in that town right i [TS]

  mean it's it's like targeted at [TS]

  everybody all the girls go to go to the [TS]

  the poor neighborhoods of the people [TS]

  with guns and right now we're doing here [TS]

  here's one part is every 30,000 feet [TS]

  over the poor neighborhoods very very [TS]

  effective way to drop underwear now the [TS]

  thing is so in the in the estimation of [TS]

  these various scientists that are [TS]

  studying this important work [TS]

  what is what has happened as a result of [TS]

  that hasn't well you look around you [TS]

  the aforementioned labia artist the [TS]

  writing the lady artist on contrail [TS]

  chemicals i think the fact that the [TS]

  website that the Jezebel website even [TS]

  exists because of chemtrails that goes [TS]

  that those women have become is that [TS]

  empowered this is gonna be one of those [TS]

  things like Scientology where I can't [TS]

  think about it too much because i will i [TS]

  will go down a certain kind of tone [TS]

  level rabbit trail and then we'll start [TS]

  think I'll start really thinking about [TS]

  it in order to really understand [TS]

  something you have to be a little bit [TS]

  sympathetic I think me to understand [TS]

  another person even if you disagree with [TS]

  them you have to put yourself in their [TS]

  in their chem trail shoes and try to [TS]

  understand it and and I I worry [TS]

  sometimes because I'm very susceptible [TS]

  and very suggestible I guess yeah I [TS]

  don't want to read i'm just gonna read [TS]

  that first paragraph i think okay that [TS]

  seems good to meet you here bored you [TS]

  hear about this that you what you want [TS]

  at the edge of the organ concert right [TS]

  no but I you know I follow the line [TS]

  follow the traits and I i spent some [TS]

  time on the internet looking for [TS]

  evidence of intelligent life and you're [TS]

  looking in the wrong place but I am him [TS]

  i'm an old man with the lamp searching [TS]

  for something and the problem is that i [TS]

  do not limit the corners of the internet [TS]

  that i visit so I go if you only read [TS]

  things you already know you're not [TS]

  learning that's right but you're going [TS]

  to have to be you or any other scholar [TS]

  of a lamp would have you have to be [TS]

  challenged you have to go into room that [TS]

  you've never been into before something [TS]

  which can be very dark [TS]

  that's right am I wrong I have spent [TS]

  I've spent more time than I care to [TS]

  admit [TS]

  like trolling not trolling but drawing [TS]

  the the whole like white supremacist [TS]

  underground [TS]

  i have spent many many hours watching [TS]

  the step dance routines of black [TS]

  fraternities in the south [TS]

  I have like like the family marching [TS]

  band like fancy dances those things are [TS]

  you not familiar with the step dancing [TS]

  phenomenon is this this is that Harlem [TS]

  shuffle thing [TS]

  no no this is one of this is one of [TS]

  America's great cultural clogging the [TS]

  rains it is not unlike clogging I've [TS]

  seen some clogging so this is a this is [TS]

  a tradition in the black fraternities of [TS]

  the you know the howard university in [TS]

  the big universities in the south where [TS]

  they duel with one another with a very [TS]

  orchestrated kind of clog dancing called [TS]

  stepping where they stand [TS]

  they do this like hyper hyper a like [TS]

  co-ordinated dance steps as a as a form [TS]

  of competition with one another and it [TS]

  is awesome [TS]

  it is super super badass and it and it [TS]

  has not really it is not really gone out [TS]

  into the world like it there there has [TS]

  never been a moment like there was with [TS]

  voguing where it went from a kind of [TS]

  underground culture and and became a [TS]

  mainstream culture like I think there [TS]

  was a while there may be the late [TS]

  eighties me maybe kid and play had a [TS]

  little bit of a sure step dancing as [TS]

  part of one of their movies or I don't [TS]

  know there was a million or more [TS]

  probably like a dance kata like they [TS]

  were showing you what they could do if [TS]

  they decided to fight [TS]

  yeah but it was always like it was [TS]

  always to people dancing against each [TS]

  other and this is like 25 people then [TS]

  it's like marching band duels except [TS]

  without the are both sides doing the [TS]

  same dance [TS]

  no no they like they bring their didn't [TS]

  like it i mean i don't work thing but [TS]

  it's kinda like a breakdance battle [TS]

  don't you don't you do a prisoner like a [TS]

  like a you know a michael jackson [TS]

  thriller thing where you can like dance [TS]

  against each other West Side Story style [TS]

  yeah it yes there there there are [TS]

  elements of that but it's also very [TS]

  military like they're its kind of theirs [TS]

  they're mine [TS]

  King elements but you really have to [TS]

  just really just have to spend the many [TS]

  hours I will be there watching and you [TS]

  don't like because some of them some of [TS]

  you know some of those contests are [TS]

  unfortunately none of them have really [TS]

  been filmed professionally so you're [TS]

  watching these contests than their film [TS]

  from people's phones shot a feature [TS]

  phone and you're just like oh come on i [TS]

  wish that this at good sound and I wish [TS]

  it had that sounds like a documentary on [TS]

  netflix and I mean that's waiting to [TS]

  happen [TS]

  I bet that if there isn't one some [TS]

  riders on the line listener is already [TS]

  putting up a kickstart chuck klosterman [TS]

  in thurston moore will be in it so any [TS]

  first-time is stepping has taught me [TS]

  many things and and one of my favorite [TS]

  things right now is chemtrails ok just [TS]

  dropped a little bit of thread there so [TS]

  so stepping was that that's just an [TS]

  example of the dark rooms into which you [TS]

  will walk with your keyboard is why [TS]

  wouldn't i wouldn't even call better [TS]

  that's not our ping-pong apologize you [TS]

  know like i have never have never used [TS]

  tor or on any kind of onion start web [TS]

  secret secret you have not used any of [TS]

  the onion based IP obfuscation services [TS]

  right i have not done any of that I go [TS]

  into the I'm you know what I am a pete [TS]

  townsend character and I'm out there [TS]

  looking at terrible things on the [TS]

  internet as part of my research and if i [TS]

  get indicted right if I have my search [TS]

  history comes up with a bunch of snuff [TS]

  films and terrible like you know all the [TS]

  terrible evil that's out there i am [TS]

  fairly confident first of all that I'm [TS]

  gonna know the FBI agent that is [TS]

  assigned to the case and that he and I [TS]

  are gonna have understanding ain't no [TS]

  innocence that it'll be someone you're [TS]

  familiar with but look at somebody that [TS]

  but I probably went to college with her [TS]

  or when you set up the meeting but [TS]

  didn't go [TS]

  yeah he's more he might be erotic on the [TS]

  line listener and if that isn't if that [TS]

  isn't enough then probably the district [TS]

  attorney's father went to law school [TS]

  with my dad it what I'm saying is the [TS]

  old boy network is going to take care of [TS]

  this and I'm not going to get in trouble [TS]

  that's how I go through life that's how [TS]

  i make it happen okay yeah I [TS]

  somebody somebody has to be the peak [TS]

  terms of our modern day and be out there [TS]

  looking at terrible things as a way of [TS]

  bearing witness [TS]

  it'sit's something in my first move I [TS]

  guess I i became aware of late in my [TS]

  tenure of living in the south and I [TS]

  don't think it's peculiar to the south [TS]

  but there's a funny thing that I would [TS]

  encounter which is people thinking that [TS]

  because you know about something you not [TS]

  only like are like a prove it but that [TS]

  you do it em like you said in the office [TS]

  and go pumas artifacts that i'm totally [TS]

  on crack and they would look at you and [TS]

  think you you actually were literally [TS]

  thinking about doing crack that he was [TS]

  saying is you had said that you were [TS]

  well I mean I'm being a little bit [TS]

  extreme but like it's such a faux pas [TS]

  I mean you know in in certain we've [TS]

  talked about this before but in certain [TS]

  little subsets of of the culture you [TS]

  know a lot of what is said is what is [TS]

  not said and there are certain things [TS]

  that you know they could be a real turd [TS]

  in the punchbowl like if I said turn the [TS]

  punch bowl in the office like that would [TS]

  probably mean people don't think I like [TS]

  to drink turns or something you're gross [TS]

  with you how terms of you put in [TS]

  Punchbowl out the Cadillac bad at all [TS]

  I am I punchbowl you know we we you and [TS]

  I between the two of us we've seen a lot [TS]

  of things we've gone down a lot of roads [TS]

  and it's only made us more helpful [TS]

  I i think so and I mean I in some ways [TS]

  I'm excuse me I'm sometimes grateful [TS]

  well I'm often grateful for things like [TS]

  YouTube like you know like tonight I got [TS]

  to go [TS]

  found a couple like things by elliott [TS]

  smith and posted on my website I'm glad [TS]

  that's out there but sometimes I won't [TS]

  find myself using YouTube for what it's [TS]

  actually for which is following your [TS]

  nose deeper and deeper and deeper into [TS]

  something super duper weird that you had [TS]

  no idea [TS]

  lots of people would in this case make [TS]

  videos about that somebody has to knows [TS]

  all i thought it was all just guys [TS]

  getting hit in the nuts when they're [TS]

  trying to skateboard down or railing [TS]

  yeah they call it they called board [TS]

  napping [TS]

  I don't know that I'm sure I'm sure that [TS]

  that's John right by me that could be [TS]

  something as benign as like people [TS]

  playing ukulele covers of songs [TS]

  that could be a thing that you for [TS]

  awhile i happen to know that it's a [TS]

  thing it's a thing that made Jonathan [TS]

  Coulton a lot of money huh [TS]

  ok put ads on the page no because [TS]

  covering jonathan coulton music on the [TS]

  ukulele covering jonathan coulton to [TS]

  John Collins music in a twee way over on [TS]

  the ukulele has actually spawned all [TS]

  those onra it's their name for it i [TS]

  think it's called uh I think that it's [TS]

  called impacted thank you i see a lot of [TS]

  fluid system i saw it is not Tom Cruise [TS]

  crazy one time that was really really [TS]

  good [TS]

  yeah but it's like you know I think [TS]

  there should be you know it's funny like [TS]

  right now the youtube people can do [TS]

  things like you know using algorithms [TS]

  they can basically find any copyrighted [TS]

  music that's they can try anyway to find [TS]

  a nice music that's used in a video or [TS]

  something like that you know I i think [TS]

  it would be nice to to let me know ahead [TS]

  of time before i click on the video that [TS]

  it's a ukulele cover and it would be [TS]

  really nice like if I'm gonna go like I [TS]

  say if i want to find some built to [TS]

  spill I would please make it clear that [TS]

  this is shot with somebody's chickie [TS]

  feature phone that's the kind of thing [TS]

  that would make that useful because [TS]

  that's a lot of wasted time that [TS]

  something could be spending on [TS]

  chemtrails well this is the thing I read [TS]

  this article in wired not very long ago [TS]

  which I subscribe to and have subscribe [TS]

  to wired for many years because I [TS]

  believe that you don't you have to show [TS]

  your bona fides to me i believe i know [TS]

  that L computers that if a person reads [TS]

  wired yes and discover magazine that may [TS]

  know all science that is all you need to [TS]

  know all science but this article in [TS]

  wired said they keep making these bigger [TS]

  and bigger tvs that have more and more [TS]

  features but none of them are useful [TS]

  because television sucks [TS]

  it's pretty good and I was like huh that [TS]

  that's really exactly true and this this [TS]

  article went on to say like you can you [TS]

  know your TV supposedly allows me to [TS]

  sink 10,000 things but really I just [TS]

  want to watch dr. Strangelove and I [TS]

  don't want to and I can't find it [TS]

  anywhere and I don't want to have to [TS]

  type dr. Strangelove into 17 different [TS]

  yeah you seem like a four-way Genghis [TS]

  yeah using a dingus type it into all [TS]

  these different menus and nobody has it [TS]

  and you know and he's like here we have [TS]

  the tvs like that that's peaked we don't [TS]

  need more we don't need higher [TS]

  definition we don't need bigger tvs we [TS]

  got it now where it's mastered now we [TS]

  need someone to figure out how to make [TS]

  watching TV even remotely pleasurable to [TS]

  someone that doesn't spend four hours a [TS]

  day figuring out their TV [TS]

  yeah it's it's it's a promise not so far [TS]

  off what I felt like I was facing a [TS]

  little bit today which is that um you [TS]

  I mean whatever your business's there's [TS]

  really only so much you can do like if [TS]

  you shine shoes for a living [TS]

  there's not much that you can do to [TS]

  improve the quality of the shoes that [TS]

  are manufactured that that man or woman [TS]

  shoeshine person can only do so much to [TS]

  improve what's out there that you know [TS]

  it's not is it do you think it's up to [TS]

  the TV makers to make a better show no [TS]

  but but this is that this is the [TS]

  direction of the like I think the TV [TS]

  makers could they they are what we have [TS]

  now is is 40 interfaces and what we need [TS]

  is one interface [TS]

  yeah and Sony is as capable as anyone up [TS]

  being the person that makes the one [TS]

  interface you know like Sony doesn't [TS]

  sony could could be at the forefront of [TS]

  the technology we need you know the TV [TS]

  makers are also makers of other things [TS]

  and I don't know what was that can you [TS]

  tell us what the company was that you [TS]

  visited today [TS]

  no absolutely not [TS]

  thank you though um the third there may [TS]

  be something to what we're talking about [TS]

  this is why I don't make it all about [TS]

  the money but this also might be where [TS]

  you meet Kathryn thinking the Kathleen I [TS]

  think maybe maybe Jason Finn we could [TS]

  find a role for is a good polish your [TS]

  bowling balls but he paid to have that [TS]

  done he does but you know the you know [TS]

  here here's one of the problems is that [TS]

  if you look at all the stuff in general [TS]

  you know all aspects of like [TS]

  entertainment and dealing with other [TS]

  people like all the stuff that the [TS]

  internet is you know kind of there to [TS]

  help us do all of the innovation so much [TS]

  of the innovation that we see is mainly [TS]

  to become a barely profitable nuisance [TS]

  and and so what that nuisance in some [TS]

  ways could be that you well if you want [TS]

  if you want to find dr. Strangelove [TS]

  you're gonna have to go through this [TS]

  search system that you know unless [TS]

  you're gonna go out and steal it [TS]

  you're going to have to go through this [TS]

  really byzantine you know way to find [TS]

  this movie I've been trying to find this [TS]

  one documentary that I've heard a lot [TS]

  about and basically i'm going to have to [TS]

  buy a plastic disc from amazon in order [TS]

  to watch it like I've got money i will [TS]

  not a lot but i mean i'll pay to watch [TS]

  it right now [TS]

  I do it all the time i bought I bought [TS]

  the matrix the other night like just for [TS]

  fun because I wanted to watch it because [TS]

  it's really easy to do on my own TV but [TS]

  but I mean like for example we subscribe [TS]

  to this thing you know called hulu which [TS]

  gives you access to you know a whole [TS]

  bunch of shows and I'm Geico commercials [TS]

  this is my point John it was my wife's [TS]

  idea i'm in it for the long haul with my [TS]

  lady if she wants to do we get hulu and [TS]

  like I tried to watch a Saturday Night [TS]

  Live episode and i fast-forwarded and [TS]

  like the thing froze up because i was [TS]

  like trying I wasn't trying to avoid a [TS]

  commercial I was not trying to be out of [TS]

  compliance and throws up the box that [TS]

  was on but I think about the thing with [TS]

  I don't see anything is Rhapsody yeah [TS]

  one of the doctors but it's but like in [TS]

  that case that you're saying like I ok [TS]

  here's another example um what you were [TS]

  there [TS]

  MC Hammer's birthday party right as i [TS]

  was in all of them is 50th birthday [TS]

  party but that was a weird night I i was [TS]

  very weird lost to get sweatshirt that [TS]

  night but um but in that case it's for [TS]

  you but you were hilarious that night so [TS]

  was I yeah because i was making fun [TS]

  a friend yeah you're here making fun of [TS]

  of all the tech nerd ladies me [TS]

  yeah there was a there was a tape we [TS]

  were sitting at is it is really nice [TS]

  house and accidentally making fun of him [TS]

  and you made fun of him being but but [TS]

  you may not remember may not remember [TS]

  this because you were celebrated with [TS]

  MCM oh so so effusively but but we were [TS]

  sitting at a table and a bunch of Tom's [TS]

  that was so funny [TS]

  20-something kids in skinny pants came [TS]

  and join us at the table and they were [TS]

  all hyper confidence stanford grads who [TS]

  all had a twitter app or a new startup [TS]

  that they were really excited about and [TS]

  they started to try to talk to you about [TS]

  the internet do you think do you think [TS]

  they like it they'll do she don't think [TS]

  they were like familiar with me do you [TS]

  well what I think was that you had [TS]

  another guest at the table that was much [TS]

  better noon and I yeah yeah there was a [TS]

  there was someone else the table that [TS]

  was more of those more famous than us [TS]

  all but they were they started talking [TS]

  to you and they realized they clocked me [TS]

  at the clock as the internet guy at [TS]

  first at first you you told them [TS]

  successfully but then they got them they [TS]

  were wise to you but they weren't sure [TS]

  like where you are coming from and they [TS]

  were fascinated by you and then their [TS]

  fascination with you made you furious [TS]

  and then you really really wanted to you [TS]

  don't really do that [TS]

  yeah there you really wanted to see them [TS]

  talk like in the stocks in the public [TS]

  square if you wanted you wanted to say [TS]

  some science bed a on all of them and [TS]

  they and they were terrible thing to do [TS]

  no no it was wonderful because they were [TS]

  they were the the san francisco kids i'm [TS]

  sure they all had out e8 cuatros valet [TS]

  parked with like ground effects and [TS]

  personalized license plates and these [TS]

  kids deserve to be taken to task for [TS]

  being like tasteless little douches but [TS]

  but you but you are also that I [TS]

  Solarians critical in moments like that [TS]

  it's a [TS]

  just so amazing that that is the kind of [TS]

  person that you would meet at MC [TS]

  Hammer's 50th birthday party right you [TS]

  would think MC Hammer's 50th birthday [TS]

  party was going to be full of like [TS]

  former Oakland A's like I would've met [TS]

  like I don't like like I mean really [TS]

  Brown was there that was kind of cool [TS]

  he's the best but the guy didn't get any [TS]

  weekend plans or anything [TS]

  yeah right but the red but everybody [TS]

  else in there is like 24 years old and [TS]

  and like there's the asian one and then [TS]

  there's the blonde one and the mr. [TS]

  Finkel bosses and they're all wearing [TS]

  uniqlo close at like uniqlo pink khakis [TS]

  and they are so excited about talking [TS]

  about the internet and you just you it [TS]

  was like we were there too and it's like [TS]

  was worried about was like like in the [TS]

  area where we were kind of camped out [TS]

  there was a group that correct me if I'm [TS]

  wrong but there was a group that really [TS]

  a clip here to be armed at a a noise [TS]

  real name i forget his real name but MC [TS]

  Hammer like I will call him his like [TS]

  there was like really his family writers [TS]

  his normal-looking Oakland [TS]

  african-american family in their Sunday [TS]

  go to church clothes looking like [TS]

  they're being and it was really nice and [TS]

  he had obviously been talking a lot of [TS]

  people into this party and it looked [TS]

  like they were having fun and we're like [TS]

  looked awesome and then there was a lot [TS]

  of douchebags like us there was like [TS]

  yeah you outside and remember I was [TS]

  delayed coming in because i was talking [TS]

  to this guy who's anybody doesn't matter [TS]

  but he's like a super famous internet [TS]

  guy like a wire [TS]

  why are we here why are you here but you [TS]

  can't really talk about that because [TS]

  this Liberty i mean i was there because [TS]

  i'm a rockstar yeah you gotta send that [TS]

  was your friend [TS]

  it was it was my friends my friends [TS]

  friend the e-k-u can really your [TS]

  friend's wife [TS]

  no it was my friend's friend that was [TS]

  smoking an e-cigarette that you really [TS]

  took two tabs actually wizard really big [TS]

  test for his multimillion-dollar house [TS]

  anyway anyway [TS]

  the problem is the problem is that like [TS]

  the only way to the people it seems to [TS]

  that sometimes it's strange to me that [TS]

  like and I think this goes to your TV [TS]

  point is that ok great guys we perfected [TS]

  the tvs [TS]

  now or in this case we can make the [TS]

  internet go fast and be reliable and [TS]

  you're like your browser won't crash as [TS]

  much but like now you know sort of what [TS]

  we have to look at but to get stuff we [TS]

  want to look at you have to find a way [TS]

  to pay for it or I know ideally [TS]

  bandwidth isn't is that was surprisingly [TS]

  expensive for a lot of this stuff and so [TS]

  but the trouble is the best way that a [TS]

  lot of people have figured out to do [TS]

  that is to is to annoy people is is is [TS]

  to be a nuisance [TS]

  yeah and like I heard an interview with [TS]

  you the other day where you were talking [TS]

  to somebody [TS]

  this is two guys in Canada about your [TS]

  music and talking about the idea of you [TS]

  know quit stealing music and what it [TS]

  means and you know it's funny though [TS]

  because I'm more drawn to this having a [TS]

  very clearly delineated relationship [TS]

  where I pay a certain amount of money [TS]

  and get a thing kinda like it's like [TS]

  like Middle Ages kind of stuff I don't [TS]

  mind it at all i'm just going to my Lou [TS]

  and like watching commercials will [TS]

  adam-12 is on does not make me happy [TS]

  no but I went to next links and i typed [TS]

  in what do you think I typed in [TS]

  Auschwitz you already know that you have [TS]

  seen everything that has out within the [TS]

  title no I went to I went to the netflix [TS]

  as you do and i type in dean martin [TS]

  short because I was like you know what I [TS]

  want to see right now I want to see [TS]

  anything with Dean Martin minutes and [TS]

  netflix says the new keyword returns no [TS]

  results and I'm like if you are if you [TS]

  are a purveyor of of movies and a person [TS]

  can't go into the search bar at the top [TS]

  of your product and put in Dean fucking [TS]

  Martin and not get back the wealth of [TS]

  the 20th century [TS]

  yeah I you know I should have I should [TS]

  have been one click away from Lucille [TS]

  Ball I should have been with sammy davis [TS]

  jr. the most entertaining man has ever [TS]

  lived [TS]

  I should have been i should have been [TS]

  that close to bing crosby I should have [TS]

  been that guy should have been seeing [TS]

  Jonathan winters into cliques and [TS]

  instead I get returns no result [TS]

  you know here's the thing John I as I [TS]

  sit here i am realizing that the matrix [TS]

  which i bought for I think ten dollars [TS]

  American [TS]

  on the appletv I'm realizing I'm deep [TS]

  inside the matrix because I thought [TS]

  about that for a second and I thought oh [TS]

  you'll get oceans 11 you make it the [TS]

  colgate you know Jerry Lewis shows [TS]

  something but then I stopped for a [TS]

  second i said holy shit there's no [TS]

  fucking Dean Martin on netflix but think [TS]

  about being a little kid thinking about [TS]

  being a kid when we were kids and the [TS]

  incredibly entertaining people who were [TS]

  doing things that but there's no Edwin I [TS]

  bet there's very little Jack Benny but [TS]

  here's the thing years of here's the [TS]

  thing that I have no way of knowing [TS]

  merlin which is that on netflix I'm sure [TS]

  there's tons of Denmark but me as a dope [TS]

  I don't know how to find it now fighting [TS]

  with google when I put Dean Martin in i [TS]

  am two clicks away from watching free [TS]

  Dean Martin on youtube but I was in a [TS]

  pay service and the thing I thought of [TS]

  was I want to watch a movie and their [TS]

  algorithm is not written to allow me to [TS]

  put the name of somebody in I had they [TS]

  want they want me to put like they want [TS]

  me to do you hear me to appear as like a [TS]

  as a marquee name that we have to be [TS]

  right so what they want me to do is go [TS]

  to westerns and then go to matt helm [TS]

  fifties westerns you know like the and [TS]

  that is that's what i'm saying when I [TS]

  say that we have the tvs now but nobody [TS]

  has figured out a way other than other [TS]

  than Google and YouTube to get me my [TS]

  Dean fucking Martin as fast as I [TS]

  possibly can you know like i do not want [TS]

  to sit and have to think of how to get [TS]

  it [TS]

  I don't want to put some like it hot in [TS]

  there I don't want to put you know I [TS]

  don't want to have to chase Dean Dean is [TS]

  being teen already is being chased by so [TS]

  many people want it should be a button [TS]

  should be a preset you know what it [TS]

  should be like one of these f it should [TS]

  be f7 on every solar powered keyboard f7 [TS]

  that's pretty good I i think yeah yeah I [TS]

  guess I I think of it sometimes like for [TS]

  example like I have this is some [TS]

  surprises are you were breaking the [TS]

  rules talking about the internet a [TS]

  little their kids listening to this [TS]

  podcast you have never heard of being [TS]

  Martin that's a goddamn shame that you [TS]

  know what that is chemtrails you think [TS]

  that's what it is [TS]

  chemtrails and make your family make [TS]

  your parents not tell you about Dean [TS]

  Martin they were raised by somebody who [TS]

  was like um Dean Martin's pretty sexist [TS]

  remember the quarterfinals stickers [TS]

  remember his dancers on the Dean Martin [TS]

  show [TS]

  oh do I oh my god they were like solid [TS]

  gold before solid gold they were really [TS]

  handsome women well think about think [TS]

  about Jill st. John no I can't no don't [TS]

  say and Margaret had a super I was going [TS]

  that I know and market on the Dean [TS]

  Martin show God now now i would be our [TS]

  5th Red Door now fast-forward to Keisha [TS]

  that the lady with the dollar sign your [TS]

  name her baby over someones for home in [TS]

  a music video and try to tell me tell me [TS]

  tell me that's probably have seven if [TS]

  you have seven you're gonna see cakey [TS]

  dollar sciences lobbyists literally [TS]

  literally literally over a lobby [TS]

  microphone i think of it like this John [TS]

  I think of it like a minibar call em oh [TS]

  I think you look at minibar like that's [TS]

  a lot of these a lot of these services [TS]

  are like a mini bar where you go there [TS]

  and you open it up and you have a pretty [TS]

  good idea of what kind of stuff is in [TS]

  there and like if you want anything else [TS]

  you're probably going to have to find it [TS]

  or steal it from somewhere else and hurt [TS]

  their talk about the time I was think [TS]

  that the the the brand-new hilton hotel [TS]

  in austin now and John Flansburg shows [TS]

  up in my room and he's got the guy who [TS]

  made that that documentary the crews [TS]

  have you ever seen that about the guy [TS]

  who's who gives you it gives tours of [TS]

  New York City but a and he's like on a [TS]

  double-decker bus like talking about the [TS]

  architecture in the history of New York [TS]

  but he's making it all up [TS]

  haha it's all just a lie [TS]

  so John Flansburg get this guy show up [TS]

  at my hotel room and Flansburg precedes [TS]

  to open up my minibar and then you know [TS]

  and then all of a sudden there's like 35 [TS]

  people in my room [TS]

  people like people there's a guy like [TS]

  cutting calluses off his feet to make [TS]

  somebody pissed somebody in a top hat [TS]

  and there's a guy with a with a [TS]

  cockatiel thinks brothers like room [TS]

  service and I might like i was i was [TS]

  about to post about to call it a night [TS]

  anyway plans bring opens up the minibar [TS]

  and out it all goes into the room and [TS]

  this is one of those hilton hotel many [TS]

  bars with like full bottles of red wine [TS]

  oh dear and you know who knows what else [TS]

  like shrimp chips [TS]

  I don't know what's in there selling [TS]

  kids it goes out into the room and the [TS]

  bed the party rages until the wee hours [TS]

  and then after I finally kick everybody [TS]

  else and I make the guy pick up his [TS]

  calluses and take him out got the guy [TS]

  with the bird and I'm kicking everybody [TS]

  out plans brings the last to go and he [TS]

  turns around and he's slaps a 2000 [TS]

  that's gonna be like a good party kid [TS]

  good job see you next week kidding no [TS]

  hay he actually thought that would cover [TS]

  even a fraction of that I you know he's [TS]

  just using this was a monkey's IDK screw [TS]

  with you there's no way beautiful boot [TS]

  the cheapest bottle of wine in [TS]

  perspective $85 know maybe maybe he only [TS]

  eats out of other people's many bars [TS]

  medication that's possibly you know I [TS]

  you know I've known him a long time but [TS]

  I think he may travel with that group of [TS]

  people i think there's 35 people waiting [TS]

  for his waiting for him to boom he just [TS]

  goes boop and then [TS]

  Oh every any hotel room can become it's [TS]

  a mad mad mad world hit gonna get email [TS]

  but um [TS]

  that's the 20 them right there right [TS]

  there on the dresser [TS]

  good good party kids his sentence for [TS]

  you the cruise is unavailable to stream [TS]

  just search for netflix nothing see the [TS]

  cruise is unavailable to stream one of [TS]

  the great films of our time [TS]

  yeah now it is frustrating and dad [TS]

  ya-ya-ya-ya-ya anyone about the internet [TS]

  yeah but you know there's this deeper [TS]

  thing and adjusted to return quickly to [TS]

  that to that idea though [TS]

  and one of the things that I that I find [TS]

  so fascinating about you and I find so [TS]

  unintentionally sickeningly inspiring [TS]

  about you [TS]

  mm you're welcome it is a I don't know [TS]

  is that i don't know how to describe it [TS]

  but not lonely putting this believe it [TS]

  this way like when I go and let's just [TS]

  say in the abstract going visit with [TS]

  people I i sometimes get the feeling and [TS]

  it's not stipulate this is what shows [TS]

  that I'm Way out of touch i'm not [TS]

  showing that i'm like a cool outside i'm [TS]

  showing that i'm like a psychopath to [TS]

  the rest of the world is like that [TS]

  conversation that you Kathleen had with [TS]

  the very nice people Rhapsody who are [TS]

  they were lovely [TS]

  they're lovely people the one of the one [TS]

  of the co-founders cousin was my wife's [TS]

  best friend I admire their servers their [TS]

  wedding and so they're wonderful [TS]

  wonderful people but you what you're [TS]

  describing is not unusual at all which [TS]

  is first of all that's really super [TS]

  fucking clueless like you know and when [TS]

  I mentioned MC Hammer because there was [TS]

  a time I remember when MC Hammer [TS]

  announced that he was going to be [TS]

  launching a new site that was going to [TS]

  be the YouTube of dance videos and so [TS]

  you can already guess what the joke is [TS]

  no there's already a youtube videos [TS]

  right and what's called you do exactly [TS]

  and and so you know when somebody when [TS]

  somebody says something like we want to [TS]

  be I'm just toss this out but we want to [TS]

  be the social we want to insert pictures [TS]

  we want to be sure like we want to be [TS]

  like we have an interactive music [TS]

  engagement platform that we think will [TS]

  make us the the Twitter of streaming [TS]

  music like they really feel like that's [TS]

  what they know how to build right they [TS]

  know how to build that stuff they know [TS]

  there needs to be a social media [TS]

  component to it but like the frustrating [TS]

  part is like several levels of [TS]

  frustrating and that to me which is like [TS]

  first of all I'm supposed to sit there [TS]

  are you just sit there and act like that [TS]

  makes any fucking sense at all [TS]

  you know what you really want me to do [TS]

  what you really want me to do is go and [TS]

  produce content for you for free and act [TS]

  like that is benefiting me to be [TS]

  basically pouring myself and my [TS]

  credibility into this thing that you're [TS]

  not willing to to see to me is not that [TS]

  interesting and it's not really going to [TS]

  do that much for me you want me to as my [TS]

  as we take back my church you want me to [TS]

  basically put my candle under a bushel [TS]

  basket you want exclusivity that does [TS]

  not benefit me or my fans at all fans [TS]

  fuck fans people who are vaguely [TS]

  interested in anything that you do to to [TS]

  go and put that into this little silo [TS]

  that nobody can see and and then you [TS]

  know rap public service as around isn't [TS]

  helping anybody my own my question to [TS]

  you is when people in your church say [TS]

  put your candle under a bushel basket [TS]

  would be talking about butt sex but also [TS]

  call that taking the road to Damascus em [TS]

  then they call it they call it a free [TS]

  brabus basket so much shit goes down [TS]

  there the selonians that's what you [TS]

  that's not a place but go on and we [TS]

  decided one what is the deal with that [TS]

  yeah I purpose that you know this light [TS]

  under a bushel basket and I've never [TS]

  understood like what [TS]

  yeah I need to be like if you have a if [TS]

  you have a if your skill or a gift if [TS]

  God has given you a gift it's your [TS]

  obligation to share with the world much [TS]

  like you have no right but you don't [TS]

  even own a bishop bushel basket [TS]

  I you know I have a collection of bushel [TS]

  basket but I i I don't I don't I don't [TS]

  talk about it a lot of money there's a [TS]

  lot i was at trader joe's today I'd or [TS]

  drew listen I do have a collection of [TS]

  vintage trader joes bags and then I saw [TS]

  the other night I ran into a friend of [TS]

  mine there who used to be [TS]

  Nirvana's front-of-house guy back in the [TS]

  old days [TS]

  great sound man [TS]

  and he also had an amazing collection of [TS]

  trader joes bags did you guys trade [TS]

  going all the way back and use trades [TS]

  like we like baseball cards you get a [TS]

  roberto clemente for Steve Garvey or [TS]

  something when I had a couple of them in [TS]

  their original packaging it never been [TS]

  used i just take a minute out of the [TS]

  store let me mention that it's in bag [TS]

  handbag a so so that was you know that [TS]

  was a moment but yet it is it a small [TS]

  I'm so good [TS]

  no no I was just I was just going to say [TS]

  that like so many things i have only [TS]

  read the Bible once and it was a long [TS]

  time ago and I don't remember it [TS]

  that's okay um there's a lot of [TS]

  anecdotes to come up from the Bible that [TS]

  are that are kind of get to know but [TS]

  it's um yeah it's hard with my wife [TS]

  because she's a heathen oh right yeah [TS]

  she doesn't have she doesn't have I [TS]

  don't go too deep on this but you know [TS]

  she and well first of all let me just [TS]

  let me just say that the problem is that [TS]

  people talk about reading the Bible and [TS]

  learned as a child that my grandfather [TS]

  had actually read the Bible he spent a [TS]

  few weeks and he read it all the way [TS]

  through and this is back when Christians [TS]

  normal was like when questions and [TS]

  Republicans mates made sense and so he's [TS]

  a pretty normal guy is a cpa and you [TS]

  know a gentleman he garden and and but [TS]

  he'd read the Bible but the thing is [TS]

  like if you're from the group kind of [TS]

  group that i'm from which is a lot of [TS]

  people in Christianity you're reading [TS]

  little bits of the Bible a lot as part [TS]

  of like a like a Marvel story arc like [TS]

  you're reading thematically especially [TS]

  as a kid you're memorizing some verses [TS]

  you're reading some chapters you're [TS]

  studying things right you might learn [TS]

  about you know the nature of faith or [TS]

  something like I don't know that many [TS]

  people who have actually who haven't [TS]

  been in the racket for a long time that [TS]

  have read it all the way through and you [TS]

  do you read it all the way through [TS]

  there's just so much stuff in that's [TS]

  capable well-adjusted young Testament [TS]

  you can just gloss over [TS]

  I don't want to read the letters to the [TS]

  Corinthians I don't want to read the [TS]

  letters to the Thessalonians is Alana [TS]

  cans because reading other people's mail [TS]

  is wrong [TS]

  nice guy John it's a federal crime and [TS]

  people all these years have been reading [TS]

  all these letters that were all these [TS]

  different i'm literally i'm going to [TS]

  save them literally going to cut that [TS]

  out [TS]

  haha letter to the Romans mail fraud bak [TS]

  oh brother you know that women are you [TS]

  cutting it out because it cheesy know [TS]

  it's nuanced it's nuanced anyway there [TS]

  might be a revenue opportunity here [TS]

  because but here's the problem most of [TS]

  the people who bring people in [TS]

  I gotta don't want to start an ass but [TS]

  this is what what you're describing and [TS]

  what I have encountered in the past is [TS]

  what they really want is to talk to you [TS]

  into being on their side about something [TS]

  that's kind of silly right [TS]

  they want you to do about it they want [TS]

  you to link to them and they and they [TS]

  want you to basically stand up there on [TS]

  the dais with wearing a carnation with [TS]

  your arm around them and saying I pass [TS]

  my wifeys my benediction onto this [TS]

  project and like but I'm only passing my [TS]

  plantation on to your project [TS]

  well here's the key here is my question [TS]

  to you and this is a question that we [TS]

  all we all need answers 24 is I know [TS]

  there are people out there who are [TS]

  making the thing and they want me to do [TS]

  something for them and they have X [TS]

  number of dollars and there the first [TS]

  thing they do is ask me to do it for [TS]

  free and most of the time I said yes [TS]

  my question to you is how do I retro [TS]

  actively go back and kill those people [TS]

  oh that's a really take their money [TS]

  well maybe happy to just that there's a [TS]

  lot of angles to that [TS]

  well first of all depends on which of [TS]

  the team major kinds of time-travel [TS]

  timelines you believe in EM we don't [TS]

  have time to go into that in a lot of [TS]

  detail right now right [TS]

  but one thing i would do is we have a [TS]

  kind of a tacit agreement to not talk [TS]

  about time travel anymore and I'm very [TS]

  tempted to sometimes but i'm setting [TS]

  that funny movie aside like a good movie [TS]

  like I honestly don't want to talk about [TS]

  time travel because it does and and i [TS]

  have to tell you John a lot of the [TS]

  literature that i'm reviewing these days [TS]

  by which i mean all the comic books [TS]

  every there there is a lot of time [TS]

  travel and it's sometimes a little hard [TS]

  to follow what if would have you the [TS]

  what what if the universe was designed [TS]

  to avoid over paradox [TS]

  and the only way time-travel Israel but [TS]

  the only way that you can time travel is [TS]

  that you go back [TS]

  it's always in reverse and you always go [TS]

  back to one month before you were born [TS]

  and you always die on the day that you [TS]

  are born would you go to digg it can go [TS]

  see this is exactly what i was trying to [TS]

  know I start lining up the ambience [TS]

  ah ok where's my orange juice [TS]

  there's an adventure time comic that i'm [TS]

  going to buy and send to you you should [TS]

  be watching adventure time anyway that [TS]

  addresses this is the time machine that [TS]

  always takes you back to this exact same [TS]

  moment and it's used to communicate [TS]

  effect but not going to cut to the chase [TS]

  because I know your time constraint and [TS]

  we're so one of those places i would [TS]

  start with one of the ones that was [TS]

  particularly egregious about agreeing to [TS]

  letting you work for free that they [TS]

  didn't even like make a big like that [TS]

  impact for their wallet you know like i [TS]

  do and i would go there i would [TS]

  literally you should you should take off [TS]

  your clothes pick up a garbage can throw [TS]

  it through the window i set the place on [TS]

  fire and say and then the next day go to [TS]

  sell and say where's my pay but that [TS]

  wasn't my movie had three endings it was [TS]

  very frustrating to me i am really i am [TS]

  really on the I feel like I'm on the [TS]

  threshold now [TS]

  yeah I'm on customer career-wise I got [TS]

  that from that interview I didn't know [TS]

  about your keynoting I'm doing all this [TS]

  isn't that up on urban dictionary by the [TS]

  way keynote is another kind of thing is [TS]

  like saloniki yeah it's different from [TS]

  Keystone don't like that's like the road [TS]

  to Damascus yeah it's like it's like [TS]

  watching a Pennsylvania the Keystone [TS]

  keynote 1500 Keystone [TS]

  keynote 1500 Keystone [TS]

  yeah ok keystone and that you have a bit [TS]

  like seriously I you you're getting more [TS]

  offers from people to come and speak [TS]

  somewhere or two to present its curious [TS]

  because i always thought the the [TS]

  challenge 10 years ago was a in Seattle [TS]

  there are lots and lots of local bands [TS]

  and then there are Seattle bands that [TS]

  become national bands and there's this [TS]

  there's this booking hierarchy or like a [TS]

  local pedigree where if you're if if [TS]

  they do it if they do a a piece on you [TS]

  on them the local morning news the [TS]

  morning news is always going to say [TS]

  local band X you know local band band of [TS]

  horses played a big show last night you [TS]

  know like those guys don't they don't [TS]

  understand but as that guy worked there [TS]

  for a really long time that particular a [TS]

  little man pain of forces although all [TS]

  local band the fleet foxes really doing [TS]

  amazing things these killers aren't real [TS]

  killers although they do kill it rock [TS]

  music only rock music I'm into is my [TS]

  rocking chair [TS]

  don't call the fire department it's just [TS]

  an arcade fire so anyway 10 years ago 15 [TS]

  years ago the last thing the long [TS]

  winters wanted to be was a local band [TS]

  because that guy the guy on the morning [TS]

  news he's never gonna get it but the but [TS]

  the Booker's and the the people that do [TS]

  that you know like sasquatch festival is [TS]

  a national festival but it also features [TS]

  a lot of local bands and you want to get [TS]

  banned to be a net you want your band to [TS]

  be from seattle but to be a national [TS]

  band and not be because the local bands [TS]

  get 500 bucks the National bands given [TS]

  all that's super interesting like your [TS]

  you would be on same interview but like [TS]

  you don't think you might be like a [TS]

  second stage like a Lollapalooza like [TS]

  year over in the back kind of thing you [TS]

  want to be so you want it you at the [TS]

  hometown team though where you want to [TS]

  be big enough that we'll of course we're [TS]

  going to have Seattle's long winters [TS]

  play because they have a national [TS]

  presence with the idiotic you wanna be [TS]

  at that play at that level right [TS]

  right right exactly and the end up that [TS]

  thing about it is that if you are a you [TS]

  know fewer if you are a festival [TS]

  headliner of course there's no there's [TS]

  no question about it but a band like the [TS]

  long winters which is in the middle of [TS]

  the pack somewhere where you feel like [TS]

  okay we are getting invited to play [TS]

  festivals other places so we are you [TS]

  know we are at the level of certainly [TS]

  national and international band but [TS]

  there are all those people around [TS]

  Seattle have known as since we were [TS]

  coming up who still want to every once [TS]

  in a while like throw a little bit of [TS]

  local band shade your direction as [TS]

  either like a like a like a kick in the [TS]

  knee or also as a like cost-saving [TS]

  method like oh yeah you know you guys [TS]

  are pretty big local band like well will [TS]

  smooth the musical equivalent of filling [TS]

  up on bread right it's like and now I [TS]

  mean like the state's going to come the [TS]

  freshman college of lift on a bunch of [TS]

  this hour doubt [TS]

  yeah slow your roll there with this [TS]

  local band talk is what I was used to [TS]

  say and over time you know I i [TS]

  established myself as a a and and [TS]

  continue to to aspire to establish [TS]

  myself as a national figure of national [TS]

  media figure well so recently the city [TS]

  of seattle has started throwing all this [TS]

  Seattle action at me who the mayor's [TS]

  office asked me to be on the steering [TS]

  committee for the mayor and the and the [TS]

  you know the weekly is like wants me to [TS]

  be a kind of editor-at-large in them the [TS]

  local radio stations asking me lo look [TS]

  you know kind of give us any feelers i'm [TS]

  getting all these feelers from all these [TS]

  from all these Northwest institutions [TS]

  that on the one hand it feels very [TS]

  appropriate a man my age with as much [TS]

  gray in his beard as i have should start [TS]

  to think about you know and it's and [TS]

  it's appropriate like intern in terms my [TS]

  father would understand like I could [TS]

  become a [TS]

  of Seattle personnage you're like a [TS]

  rockstar emeritus yeah in a way that the [TS]

  in a way that i already am in a way that [TS]

  I've been kind of trying to be but now [TS]

  I'm starting to see like every one of [TS]

  those positions every one of those [TS]

  Commission's if you will is a commission [TS]

  in a kind of local militia and they and [TS]

  it's all in all I its it feels like at [TS]

  the expense of anyone in New York or [TS]

  Hollywood or London giving a shit about [TS]

  me you know like at a certain point when [TS]

  you are the one you are the editor of [TS]

  the Seattle you know the Seattle capitol [TS]

  hill times and dispatch you're no longer [TS]

  you hear you know you're no longer [TS]

  relevant to the village voice editor [TS]

  even though it's a people know it's a [TS]

  prominent position even though it's a [TS]

  step up from like being just a freelance [TS]

  jackass [TS]

  so this regional this creeping kind of [TS]

  regional status imac I actually feel [TS]

  kind of well and certainly ambivalent [TS]

  about but also a little threatened by [TS]

  because it's appealing you know it's [TS]

  like oh yeah [TS]

  the mayor wants me to do something are [TS]

  nice somebody and I special it's like [TS]

  well yeah but also like are you are you [TS]

  going to become a like a local real [TS]

  estate agent like are you gonna get a [TS]

  Pontiac dealership here somewhere and [TS]

  just be like Seattle's the guy that [TS]

  hosts the morning news program basically [TS]

  local celeb so is it a matter of that [TS]

  there's a risk of associating yourself [TS]

  too heavily with our regional thing or [TS]

  you're talking about i'm not sure I I [TS]

  feel like I feel like the two maybe it [TS]

  is the two paths of Fame [TS]

  and one path of fame is a rib is a [TS]

  regional fame is a Tombo Tombo day is [TS]

  going to leave the light on for you [TS]

  tombeau de was a was a writer that mean [TS]

  I'm sorry tombeau de is a writer a humor [TS]

  writer from Alaska and he wrote a series [TS]

  of kind of Dave Barry style books about [TS]

  kind of homespun humor about like the [TS]

  biggest salmon you ever saw and what [TS]

  happens when you run out of lamb fuel [TS]

  and and that's like Garrison Keillor's [TS]

  reject its but that's the thing in [TS]

  Alaska you call this soup that genital [TS]

  area you know like well then there was [TS]

  the year they had the outhouse races and [TS]

  jenny has its trip you know and and in [TS]

  Alaska he was like an easy [TS]

  he's abused big wheel and then he [TS]

  parlayed that into the national campaign [TS]

  for super 8 was that Motel 760 6 16 [TS]

  candles and i think it is yet now let's [TS]

  look at it until six [TS]

  speaking of sixteen Candles Molly [TS]

  Ringwald is playing tonight in Seattle [TS]

  with her jazz combo shipshape shape lai [TS]

  Shi are you [TS]

  yeah yeah sorry that was my forehead [TS]

  that's my percussion instrument unlike [TS]

  the max roach of what the fuck [TS]

  ok she whored if you leave so what this [TS]

  sheep [TS]

  no I mean she's horny does she do like I [TS]

  could see her I can see you're doing out [TS]

  two sacks [TS]

  no I she plays piano I don't think she [TS]

  does anything I think she stands in [TS]

  France she's come back she's she stormed [TS]

  the beaches she came back to America [TS]

  like our lives [TS]

  yeah and she I think she stands in front [TS]

  of a jazz combo wearing a chanteuse [TS]

  dress [TS]

  hmm maybe with a Chinese collar maybe a [TS]

  slit up the side food and she sings [TS]

  Eartha Kitt music with no balls [TS]

  well that's my guess sounds execrable I [TS]

  you know I follow her on Twitter and the [TS]

  only reason I flavors [TS]

  as I keep well when she first showed up [TS]

  but she ever mention the question first [TS]

  heard about Twitter and she had like [TS]

  fifteen hundred followers i was so [TS]

  excited I'm like I'm one more you got in [TS]

  the the ground floor bring along like [TS]

  I'm right there Molly and I sent her a [TS]

  couple of replies like where she would [TS]

  say oh my god you guys this is so [TS]

  amazing and I'd be like yeah welcome [TS]

  Molly Ringwald office yeah welcome to [TS]

  twitter it's super fun year law and she [TS]

  never replied happen and I was and so at [TS]

  her it doesn't hurt now I know what it [TS]

  feels like now that you never do [TS]

  now i know i follow all these comic guys [TS]

  and they won't have anything to do with [TS]

  me I i got that 10 times more followers [TS]

  and they do they will not have anything [TS]

  to do with me and it breaks my heart [TS]

  that one didn't I want to be in their [TS]

  circles it did me too i followed I [TS]

  followed Jane Wiedlin for a while haha [TS]

  man i followed her and I get and I kept [TS]

  doing it I could play like totally oh my [TS]

  god you're so light model if the kind of [TS]

  thing that you personally scroll past [TS]

  thousand times a day awful roffle rocket [TS]

  smiley faces on cog and never got [TS]

  anything back from her and then I really [TS]

  like we've got the meat [TS]

  yeah yeah but anyway shaded mode yeah [TS]

  well so am I so I kept boner and I and I [TS]

  had I had to I had to go through that [TS]

  whole period we're like don't reply just [TS]

  don't reply to work there should be a [TS]

  name for that there's a period where you [TS]

  started interviewing like that you [TS]

  jumped in right you got the ground floor [TS]

  you may be laid back just a little bit [TS]

  you wait for your pitch [TS]

  we jumped in nothing ok so you hang back [TS]

  a little bit you try again right now [TS]

  you're not made a fucking stone maybe [TS]

  after a week or so you get one more [TS]

  really good one in there nothing and [TS]

  then there should be a name for that [TS]

  period where you going mi just a putz [TS]

  what what am i doing [TS]

  sucks to be me sucks to be me i am [TS]

  basically a receptacle for PR for like [TS]

  for immediate release [TS]

  nobody fucking cares John well so anyway [TS]

  I stick around because molly ringwald is [TS]

  constantly tweeting photographs of [TS]

  herself but she's always like it's [TS]

  photographed her [TS]

  assistant took on her phone from her [TS]

  standing in front of a venue or [TS]

  something or a picture you know picture [TS]

  like look at this she says ! and then my [TS]

  sister she has a phone to her assistance [TS]

  that take a picture of me in front of [TS]

  this venue i think so i think that's [TS]

  what happens but also she she does her [TS]

  own pics and she's like look at this and [TS]

  then and you click on it like what is it [TS]

  gonna be and it's a picture of a bunch [TS]

  of rutabagas yeah and so she's one of [TS]

  those people but i keep every time I [TS]

  click on one of these pictures I think [TS]

  tonight's the night that she's had three [TS]

  glasses side bridge and she's taking a [TS]

  picture of herself in the bathroom [TS]

  getting sideboob now she's dead she's in [TS]

  a towel and she's like look at this and [TS]

  it's like and this is gonna be the [TS]

  selfie I've been waiting for and so I [TS]

  keep I keep clicking on these pictures [TS]

  of Luther burgers and pictures of little [TS]

  dogs and you know pictures of her shoes [TS]

  on the train and all the stuff because [TS]

  I'm just dying for that one night when [TS]

  she will delete it immediately like I [TS]

  have to be vigilant [TS]

  oh no totally but one night she's gonna [TS]

  hit this she's going to just be standing [TS]

  in front of mirror and she'd be like I'm [TS]

  gonna get my money you know what I mean [TS]

  she's three glasses of wine [TS]

  she said she had inadvisable third [TS]

  Goblet of chardonnay and just for fun [TS]

  she takes she takes a shot it was framed [TS]

  a little poorly something the light [TS]

  catches it wrong and suddenly jon jon is [TS]

  in Thessalonians big time [TS]

  that's right boom Oh command look at [TS]

  these rude but i wish i was completely [TS]

  alien to that idea i I've done the same [TS]

  thing [TS]

  it's terrible and I mean really Molly [TS]

  Ringwald i can think of like three [TS]

  people that I that I am that I would [TS]

  even three people two of whom are on [TS]

  Twitter Molly Ringwald's the only one [TS]

  I'm currently like just clicking on [TS]

  ahead free really hoping against hope [TS]

  knowing it's never going to happen [TS]

  knowing she's a mother of two [TS]

  yeah that lesser hoping against hope [TS]

  that one day she's just gonna be drunk [TS]

  in a hotel bathroom and say it is said [TS]

  that picture to the world [TS]

  of my booty send huh i'm gonna be there [TS]

  like Snoopy perched in a tree as a as a [TS]

  4-1 flying itself when Snoopy would be a [TS]

  vulture and purchase you're ready I am [TS]

  you made a right click like click boom [TS]

  boom saved saved huh [TS]

  I think I think I think you are onto [TS]

  something and I think you've got a [TS]

  problem that a lot of us have and and I [TS]

  have to say I think you're facing [TS]

  something that you have much more [TS]

  certainty about five years ago which is [TS]

  where somebody's coming up to you and [TS]

  they're not offering to have a grown-up [TS]

  business transaction with you like a [TS]

  grown-up business transactions when you [TS]

  go to someone and say I would like a big [TS]

  mac and i have four dollars will that [TS]

  work out instead of going in and asking [TS]

  if if you have three hours for a meeting [TS]

  to talk about this initiative that we [TS]

  have about is food related properties [TS]

  this is the problem that we have a big [TS]

  mac is clearly worth two people for [TS]

  dollars i guess i have a Big Mac in [TS]

  years but it is unclear people what I am [TS]

  worth and the scale of what I'm [TS]

  potentially worth is it goes from [TS]

  $50,000 to zero dollars [TS]

  oh I can't use your instincts tell you [TS]

  how much I understand exactly what [TS]

  you're saying yeah you don't Charlie [TS]

  gasps don't you partly guess based on [TS]

  like what their budget is and what you [TS]

  know what they think it's worth so this [TS]

  guy writes me a letter today i've been [TS]

  offered the job co-producing the debut [TS]

  album of a girl who contributed to a hit [TS]

  single that went that went big [TS]

  so this girl is coming and I need a [TS]

  diagram for that so there's a little [TS]

  help reduce ok hit single that made it [TS]

  that that that that made a million that [TS]

  sold a million copies this girl [TS]

  contributed a portion of the of the hook [TS]

  now she's making her own album and she [TS]

  wants me to produce it but she also [TS]

  wants this other guy who actually owns a [TS]

  studio and understands engineering to [TS]

  also produce it because I think he's [TS]

  gonna let her use the studio for free [TS]

  how much let us use the studio for free [TS]

  and so her manager writes me and says [TS]

  how much we're not going to pay you guys [TS]

  anything [TS]

  how many percentage points do you want [TS]

  on the final recording and I go now I've [TS]

  been managing myself in my own career [TS]

  for my entire career and this is the [TS]

  type of question that comes up a lot but [TS]

  here we have a situation where they're [TS]

  not giving me anything [TS]

  it is possible that this that this [TS]

  single in this record will do what most [TS]

  things do and just go away but because [TS]

  of this connection to this big hit [TS]

  single [TS]

  there is also the possibility that this [TS]

  will generate some amount of money and [TS]

  that my percentage of it is not [TS]

  insignificant but huh [TS]

  but there's this other guy who's soon [TS]

  supposedly co-producing it with me so I [TS]

  wrote the manager back and I was like [TS]

  what are you giving the other guy and he [TS]

  writes back and says what we're trying [TS]

  to figure that out right now [TS]

  oh and its head up when you figure it [TS]

  out let me know right that I haven't [TS]

  heard back but welcome to welcome to [TS]

  club dick can't keep a Gib you know [TS]

  running my business that way for the [TS]

  rest of your life time for a really dude [TS]

  for a long time [TS]

  9i particularly i'm very grateful people [TS]

  have any interest in anything that I do [TS]

  have you said that I'm not gotten a lot [TS]

  of speaking offers that basically come [TS]

  down to like [TS]

  like will fly you out here because we [TS]

  only need a 20-minute talk so we're [TS]

  going to what we know India 20-minute [TS]

  talk you coming out here and speak at [TS]

  the fred X and adherent tipsy and as you [TS]

  know the Fred conference is very popular [TS]

  so the fedex things growing franchise [TS]

  that's what a lot of exposure lot of it [TS]

  well [TS]

  yep get that the asp ala community [TS]

  benefit but but I mean and they'll say [TS]

  like you know and i'll say well okay i [TS]

  finally got to a point where i would I [TS]

  got a little more okay with saying well [TS]

  new projects that involve out of town [TS]

  out of the area travel started this [TS]

  amount is that your budget and your [TS]

  ballpark let's talk and there that there [TS]

  if they had more monocles they would [TS]

  fall out of their Island out of the pond [TS]

  sundays are there are shattering Oh Baba [TS]

  have you not heard of red X have you not [TS]

  heard of rent you know like the thing is [TS]

  you want a 20-minute talk but for me to [TS]

  go there and do that is three days of my [TS]

  time i'm not exaggerating cuz i have to [TS]

  fly there i have to be there for a day [TS]

  doesn't matter if you win 20 minutes 40 [TS]

  minutes or nine hours that's still a day [TS]

  and then I gotta come home and stuff [TS]

  like that and I and I finally stopped [TS]

  driving myself crazy with that if my [TS]

  grandfather is an indication you don't [TS]

  have to go home but you take a business [TS]

  trip and you don't come back [TS]

  just keep going is that right go on for [TS]

  cigarettes and thank you write that down [TS]

  at certain points when I had a little [TS]

  extra minute or two and fairly provoking [TS]

  the person which I almost always do [TS]

  yes I what's riiiight look gimme it [TS]

  gimme a quick estimate on and uh would [TS]

  you be able to fly out here for 20 [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  go ahead and buy the air airline ticket [TS]

  and we'll see based on ticket sales for [TS]

  20 minute talk like how it turns out [TS]

  because it's great exposure and I think [TS]

  that's basically what these people are [TS]

  saying to you if work is valuable [TS]

  I've had this happen also when stuff [TS]

  that I've done has appeared in different [TS]

  places i'm going to call it stealing [TS]

  but when stuff that I've done has [TS]

  appeared in different place when it's on [TS]

  a t-shirt or in a book or whatever on [TS]

  somebody's RSS feed and my feeling is [TS]

  like you know if you just want to steal [TS]

  it like steal it but don't expect me to [TS]

  be [TS]

  like on your side about it and don't [TS]

  expect me to promote the thing that you [TS]

  took like I'll be fine i got plenty more [TS]

  ideas i'm not worried about that the [TS]

  part that galls me is the part where [TS]

  like they want me to now promote the [TS]

  thing that they are not really paying [TS]

  for so it's just a never retweet my [TS]

  tumblr i should know what i should do i [TS]

  I should facebook or myspace a lot more [TS]

  often [TS]

  I'm trying to say is if it's something [TS]

  is worth money or something is something [TS]

  is valuable [TS]

  it's worth even if it's not worth paying [TS]

  for it's definitely worth negotiating [TS]

  and it shows a ridiculous [TS]

  I'm sorry to have gone through all that [TS]

  to get this one very simple point but it [TS]

  was extremely bad faith to be an adult [TS]

  he talks to another and another adult as [TS]

  though they don't work for a living [TS]

  it's really it's really disrespectful [TS]

  and anyone who does that should be [TS]

  punched in the nose because it's a [TS]

  really crummy thing to do and then to [TS]

  frame it in a way we're not like you're [TS]

  the asshole because you want help this [TS]

  up-and-coming star you know well how [TS]

  about this how about you pay me like [TS]

  what people get paid to co-produce a [TS]

  record you keep your points and how [TS]

  about you pay me and if there's another [TS]

  one of those you like my work I like how [TS]

  it turned out how we talk about points [TS]

  after that [TS]

  how about you first pay me like a [TS]

  gentleman from my work and and maybe not [TS]

  even worried about the name of that [TS]

  person because the thing is now you're [TS]

  basically buying stock you're buying [TS]

  your time is it is basically the [TS]

  purchase of stock you have bought stock [TS]

  in this person who contribute a hook to [TS]

  a song right and I think you're worth [TS]

  more than that it's good exposure is [TS]

  really good exposure and the thing is [TS]

  that that thought the entire music [TS]

  business and in fact the entire [TS]

  entertainment business is predicated on [TS]

  the fact that eighty-five percent of the [TS]

  people have no self-esteem at all and [TS]

  the fifteen percent of the people who [TS]

  have what appears to be a self esteem i [TS]

  have no self-esteem either they're just [TS]

  they're they're just bullies trying to [TS]

  try to kind of manufacture self-esteem [TS]

  by pushing people around [TS]

  so all of us you know we're all just [TS]

  like twisting in the wind here going to [TS]

  somebody called [TS]

  some somebody return my boob [TS]

  yeah there's certainly days where it [TS]

  feels like that and and you're sitting [TS]

  around maybe someday you get five loops [TS]

  and start raising your prices and then [TS]

  maybe it's been awhile since you've got [TS]

  a bloop and you go with sure I'll clean [TS]

  up after the mayor like you get a sash [TS]

  five loops [TS]

  yeah yeah well all the things that i [TS]

  have agreed to do this year all the [TS]

  keynote speeches all the appearances [TS]

  public appearances that I have done so [TS]

  far this year and we're talking about [TS]

  what is it now it's tax day it's April [TS]

  15 what let's see what I've been paid [TS]

  all don't say I've been paid for two [TS]

  things [TS]

  ok I've been paid twice this year so far [TS]

  and i have done 1,000 things right so [TS]

  well-prepared everybody you know all the [TS]

  young people they see me and they're [TS]

  like that guy eats gold nuggets that guy [TS]

  just sits around and he just pooped [TS]

  money [TS]

  well you know I i have a lot to say [TS]

  about this that would not be interesting [TS]

  to our audience but but I will say this [TS]

  you should have your mom not in that way [TS]

  but you should have your mom speak on [TS]

  your behalf i hate having to try to [TS]

  explain to people why what I do is [TS]

  valuable because i think it's it's not a [TS]

  chorus i think it is I think it's ugly [TS]

  to sit around and argue with people [TS]

  about whether what you do is valuable [TS]

  but if you have somebody like Marcia [TS]

  getting in front of that I think you get [TS]

  a lot accomplished i think you tell your [TS]

  mom here's what i want for a day's work [TS]

  going for a keno so my mom says too many [TS]

  other day she says i'm 78 and I'm caring [TS]

  for your daughter half the day I don't [TS]

  want to be your business manager anymore [TS]

  oh no and I said what can you drop the [TS]

  kid part [TS]

  yeah well what if what if we put the kid [TS]

  in a refrigerator box and give her a [TS]

  ball [TS]

  it sure is fine and she was like now I'm [TS]

  done 10 find your own business manager [TS]

  John our audience may not know but is it [TS]

  m is it and wanted me to disclosing that [TS]

  like is enough here to save your mom's a [TS]

  pretty important role in a lot of [TS]

  anything that turned out well you better [TS]

  roll it [TS]

  let me put it this way she'll actually [TS]

  company John for the last 15 years when [TS]

  an email shows up in my inbox by either [TS]

  for hit to my mom or i forwarded to [TS]

  pursue cracker [TS]

  ah I've been trendlines changed a lot [TS]

  less complete yes 75-percent of those [TS]

  emails from either that I said in either [TS]

  direction always came back to me with a [TS]

  question mark big asking what do you [TS]

  want me to do with just you keep didn't [TS]

  say anything just forwarded to me with [TS]

  no comments if you really do that [TS]

  yeah and then i have to go back and say [TS]

  wasn't fucking obvious what I want to do [TS]

  I want to deal with them and then our [TS]

  suit guys are like not here we're not [TS]

  your email dealers and my mom goes and [TS]

  the things that she can the things that [TS]

  you can figure it Kiki reason it's [TS]

  better you got sent home looking like [TS]

  everybody my opinion note to your shirt [TS]

  I think it's like it's taking third [TS]

  grade like you came home on the bus and [TS]

  like you're basically taking the note [TS]

  off your shirt and handing it to your [TS]

  mom [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah basically I've been doing [TS]

  that since the third grade design this I [TS]

  got expelled today why I don't know we [TS]

  read the note mom it says right here [TS]

  John doesn't work well with others John [TS]

  didn't participate in class John was [TS]

  disrupted on set things on fire [TS]

  howhow oh my god so anyway well what do [TS]

  you do [TS]

  well now i have to hire a business [TS]

  manager fuck that at the higher business [TS]

  manager who is going to do my who's [TS]

  going to handle my business and I got [TS]

  more business now than ever [TS]

  but you seem like you've got more like I [TS]

  don't actually talk about this to do [TS]

  very much but it seems like you've [TS]

  definitely ate your I don't know about [TS]

  talking about the money it seems like [TS]

  you've got stuff coming from different [TS]

  places more than other others like it [TS]

  could be that there's the car commercial [TS]

  thing that could be like who knows you [TS]

  might get on a compilation here or [TS]

  there's this distribution thing here or [TS]

  travel thing and a touring thing here [TS]

  right i mean way different from 10 years [TS]

  ago right [TS]

  so Josh my record label boss says to me [TS]

  the other day he's like so am i right [TS]

  that you want your career to be now that [TS]

  you are this person who does everything [TS]

  and is like is like on tv and writing [TS]

  books and giving speeches and you're all [TS]

  here you here at every kind of [TS]

  entertainment is that and music is like [TS]

  some portion of that is that to my right [TS]

  and at it that that is what you want [TS]

  your career to be I said know what I [TS]

  wanted was to be a rock star so that i [TS]

  could do all that other shit for fun [TS]

  that's my fucking record label didn't [TS]

  make it happen haha sundown i'm out and [TS]

  about dragon as door-to-door selling [TS]

  jokes during that was not the answer he [TS]

  was looking now about sharpening [TS]

  people's knives and Fire their touch [TS]

  selling go and giving keynote speeches [TS]

  so [TS]