Roderick on the Line

Ep. 71: "Everybody Has a Hamburger"


  hello a jack a line Maryland ask going [TS]

  pretty good how are you go but don't get [TS]

  that's good that's really early i just [TS]

  thought i'd say that so that we would [TS]

  feel some the soulja take us back to the [TS]

  old days the old days when it was early [TS]

  instead of like at night which is what [TS]

  we're doing now i think was adjusted [TS]

  well how do you feel it's different [TS]

  hmm well but you know we've not that it [TS]

  matters but we know we received some [TS]

  plot it's from people seem to enjoy the [TS]

  later recording time I think it's pretty [TS]

  good on our fans but we don't care about [TS]

  their praise that's the supertrain [TS]

  talking I care [TS]

  yeah I know you care for your gentle [TS]

  your soft I don't know about that yeah [TS]

  you're right [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah yeah I had kind of a [TS]

  heavy meal [TS]

  oh you did you know what I just did let [TS]

  go into the taco bus but it but I didn't [TS]

  have enough time to eat [TS]

  sounds dirty it is dirty or el taco bus [TS]

  as i call it because i'm sure a polyglot [TS]

  i am and i'm out sort of an [TS]

  internationalist low slow Stocco bus and [TS]

  i went there but I didn't have enough [TS]

  time beat so there's there's talk of us [TS]

  food downstairs and it's in it's a it's [TS]

  it's my prize it's my prize that's [TS]

  waiting for me [TS]

  what's terrible is still hot doesn't [TS]

  matter i'll come on [TS]

  no it doesn't matter because Merlin I [TS]

  like food that is room temperature [TS]

  huh is that like a Chinese energy thing [TS]

  I mean you know well a little [TS]

  well no do you mean like is Mike and [TS]

  drinks like you know I I you know [TS]

  working on but I think you're not [TS]

  supposed to drink at anything while [TS]

  you're eating but especially you can't [TS]

  drink cold stuff when you're pregnant [TS]

  because of functions way i see i gotta [TS]

  look that up that it just general [TS]

  cheese are aligned with your other [TS]

  cheese is some you know they don't have [TS]

  a lot of cheese in Chinese food [TS]

  uh oh god I hate myself up you know what [TS]

  that was pretty good i believe in and [TS]

  allow it sorry Billy Graham limp I'm [TS]

  limping now here's my question now [TS]

  so you like room temperature foods that [TS]

  go both ways do you like do you like you [TS]

  like yogurt to come to room temperature [TS]

  and you like your beef you know to get [TS]

  the you know get too comfortable 70 [TS]

  degrees [TS]

  yeah kind of I mean of you I'll put it [TS]

  this way i do not object to to any food [TS]

  that is either cooled or warmed up from [TS]

  its from its initial serving temperature [TS]

  huh to closer than room temperature and [TS]

  some people find it repulsive that i [TS]

  will eat a lot of for instance open a [TS]

  can of food and just eat it out of the [TS]

  can [TS]

  I've been affronted by that yeah and a [TS]

  lot of people are there like that is [TS]

  that's disgusting them like what what do [TS]

  you think he is doing to it [TS]

  hey you guys okay it's always have you [TS]

  guys always have a reason I you know [TS]

  what is this guy who's this guy's i have [TS]

  had a couple i think i've had a couple [TS]

  being eaters like you that I that I have [TS]

  been acquainted one of my one of my very [TS]

  good friends in high school [TS]

  first of all would eat pretty much [TS]

  anything and you can eat it in almost [TS]

  any state [TS]

  yeah and I think I don't know that to me [TS]

  there's three parts to it there's the [TS]

  first part which is the eating it out of [TS]

  the original container what it really [TS]

  says bachelor for life anything up and [TS]

  then there is the get it matter i mean [TS]

  does that does that do if you get [TS]

  takeout you want you like to decamp it i [TS]

  am notorious in my household for liking [TS]

  piping hot food right now I'm not not [TS]

  not not i mean my mind my sister-in-law [TS]

  your head dunkin donuts coffee course [TS]

  it's pretty good coffee and they're kind [TS]

  of famous for how scalding-hot their [TS]

  coffee is and its really you know it's [TS]

  really i mean i'm not to say anything [TS]

  because you know my family or island [TS]

  well you know Papa stage if I say [TS]

  anything but it's good it's not like the [TS]

  best coffee I've ever had [TS]

  she has the microchip is it super hot [TS]

  though because you're supposed to you [TS]

  know you're going to be on like a [TS]

  four-hour stakeout [TS]

  oh yeah everybody doing was a cop but [TS]

  then she has the microwave it to make it [TS]

  hotter [TS]

  yes can you imagine microwaving dunkin [TS]

  donuts coffee will you [TS]

  you know you know the whole story about [TS]

  the exploding hot-water heaters [TS]

  I don't think I know that all started [TS]

  the old story see any hot water heaters [TS]

  don't explode anymore because they have [TS]

  like 17 layers of failsafe valves and [TS]

  vents and stuff to keep this from [TS]

  happening [TS]

  ok this is something i learned that they [TS]

  say it's like it's like a big slightly [TS]

  sophisticated teakettle historic city [TS]

  channel it's a sealed teakettle and if [TS]

  you're if you don't have if you don't [TS]

  have like shut off valves for the for [TS]

  the heating element and also steam vents [TS]

  for the steaming elements what happens [TS]

  in a hot water heater if especially one [TS]

  that's like two-thirds full the this the [TS]

  the water gets hotter and hotter and [TS]

  hotter but it can't boil because as it [TS]

  gets hotter and also the pressure [TS]

  increases and the pressure increases and [TS]

  pressure increases in the water gets [TS]

  hotter and hotter without boiling and [TS]

  then finally the pressure gets so great [TS]

  that the hot water heater explodes and [TS]

  the second that there's an opening all [TS]

  like 80 gallons of water turns to steam [TS]

  instantly and how water you can blow up [TS]

  your house how guys like flash flash [TS]

  explosion of like instant steam and all [TS]

  that pressure can like you can flatten [TS]

  your home now when today as an industry [TS]

  fix that they fixed it i think after the [TS]

  great water the great hot water heater [TS]

  explosion epidemic team of the nineteen [TS]

  thirties but we're all those people were [TS]

  killed at work because they were they [TS]

  were sealing the fire exits [TS]

  all right there the Triangle Shirtwaist [TS]

  water heater and thread the internship [TS]

  with water heater incidents voices easy [TS]

  the second part [TS]

  the second part is the room temperature [TS]

  part yeah i loved Gillard's playing on [TS]

  that guy's solid heat heat you don't [TS]

  know who they are [TS]

  never he never listened to them you [TS]

  never thought to an entire gotta be with [TS]

  someone in your life but I happen to be [TS]

  friends with the killers [TS]

  well I never signed you is wife on [TS]

  livejournal blender [TS]

  tell me more remember he chides journal [TS]

  i remember being very mad at livejournal [TS]

  because you were on livejournal with a [TS]

  bunch of like our love our seat mafia [TS]

  bunch of teenage girls who were talking [TS]

  about me I it and then i would say well [TS]

  what are they saying and nobody would [TS]

  tell me more they will say things old [TS]

  they would go with the secret code you [TS]

  could and if you weren't on there then [TS]

  you didn't get to know ya they're [TS]

  talking about me I should know nobody [TS]

  would say nobody would say was a series [TS]

  of private handjob booths you know and [TS]

  we know it's what happens in the booth [TS]

  hmm the second part is the room [TS]

  temperature so it's it's like here's the [TS]

  thing if you were a hobo with it's a [TS]

  little bit of fucking human dignity [TS]

  you'd stick and over fire like a [TS]

  gentleman [TS]

  we're dead and i'm gonna get a minute [TS]

  i'm gonna come to a very specific sense [TS]

  memory of this and and i think the third [TS]

  part is i think if you're the kind of [TS]

  person that eats out of a container and [TS]

  B has it at room temperature [TS]

  you're not here you're not above picking [TS]

  up something that might have been open [TS]

  and room temperature for a while [TS]

  yeah maybe even of an unknown amount of [TS]

  time and picking it up this could start [TS]

  something as simple as the guy who eats [TS]

  the maguro that's been on the table for [TS]

  an hour and it could go all the way up [TS]

  to my friend who would eat ravioli that [TS]

  was almost blew and I don't Miles Davis [TS]

  I definitely I definitely have like back [TS]

  in my college days would would wake up [TS]

  in the morning and it because of my [TS]

  because of the position that i was the [TS]

  night ended up sleeping in which was [TS]

  kinda half on the floor i would have you [TS]

  under my bed is your graffiti right [TS]

  there a 5-4 have on the floor and then [TS]

  I'd be like looking looking at my bed [TS]

  and I'd be like oh there's two slices of [TS]

  pizza in there and ideas yeah okay pizza [TS]

  is here pizza i hope i will give you a [TS]

  papal dispensation [TS]

  Pizza yeah the thing is a hobos when [TS]

  they were cooking those cans of food on [TS]

  the fire it was because those were cans [TS]

  of raw ground pork [TS]

  this was a very popular food during the [TS]

  Depression did that happen glenn hey [TS]

  glenn hey raw ground pork and you have [TS]

  to cook that stuff [TS]

  yeah butBut modern food is all cooked [TS]

  it's cooked in the it's cooked in the [TS]

  King gets its flash-fried or it's a [TS]

  that's right yeah it's steamed with [TS]

  steamed or boiled and so if i open a can [TS]

  of say chef boyardee ravioli oohs thats [TS]

  the sense memory at the equator a minute [TS]

  oh my god it was getting it was live up [TS]

  John if I told you the story it was [TS]

  literally chef by 40 or was ready yet [TS]

  revealed Julio's yeah that's exactly [TS]

  what he ate was almost blew heating them [TS]

  up just it just fills the house with the [TS]

  smell of a cat that died on top of a [TS]

  furnace and what you know it literally [TS]

  smells like barf [TS]

  it smells like like a dead cat or barf [TS]

  who are very similar in smell who he was [TS]

  eating real temperature the room [TS]

  temperature cat if you don't hit him up [TS]

  you don't have that that they don't [TS]

  smell like that they just smell like [TS]

  mother smell like like to that's a [TS]

  really good point did of Brussels [TS]

  sprouts if you'd like an apple you're [TS]

  good to go [TS]

  voilĂ  voilĂ  not i had i had at some [TS]

  point I don't remember that block this [TS]

  out but at some point I had made some [TS]

  canned probably store-brand ravioli in [TS]

  my in my in my doorman I don't know why [TS]

  would have left any as i remember it was [TS]

  a very very small bit that was left in [TS]

  there and with a completely straight [TS]

  non-ironic non jokey non frat boy non [TS]

  hey look at this expression my very good [TS]

  friend said are you know the classic I [TS]

  gotta get a name for what you guys are [TS]

  the classic room temperature just the [TS]

  temperature wrists are you gonna eat [TS]

  that [TS]

  uh-huh and I said no my dear friend i'm [TS]

  not going to because that's trash it's [TS]

  just that i am a freshman in college and [TS]

  I don't throw my trash out and he picked [TS]

  up the tensile which memory serves like [TS]

  a tablespoon next to it it's a nice to [TS]

  see to him that if he wanted to eat the [TS]

  he was free to do so listen all of us up [TS]

  for most likely to succeed in high [TS]

  school Jon it's garbage from the [TS]

  beginning if you if we can if we can [TS]

  rewind to the pump that's chilly this [TS]

  very subtle distinction and then imagine [TS]

  imagine that same pumped meet said that [TS]

  you had AG that does not even have the [TS]

  advantage of chili powder to to [TS]

  camouflage it's like essential nature [TS]

  and it is being pumped at chef boyardee [TS]

  headquarters a multitude because it's [TS]

  like it's like bob hoskins in Brazil [TS]

  except those tubes are full of of liquid [TS]

  meet and they're making little ravioli [TS]

  pods like more thing before between like [TS]

  why would you cook it again [TS]

  so this is really this is really all [TS]

  about me and and my ravioli hypocrisy [TS]

  so I'm fancy about whether or not you [TS]

  should eat it like a fucking bomb [TS]

  missing your sexy pants with his stove [TS]

  and his microwave just eat the things [TS]

  God intended [TS]

  you're gonna defecate why would you [TS]

  flush yeah and I and I i SAT there like [TS]

  slack-jawed as you do and and boy he [TS]

  could he could eat anything anytime [TS]

  yeah yeah what-what when I was not not [TS]

  in college but a little bit after [TS]

  college early twenties i had a static [TS]

  three of three bedroom apartment with a [TS]

  couple of guys and our kitchen had so [TS]

  many flies in it over but somehow had so [TS]

  many flies in it that no one ever went [TS]

  in there again has a certain point we [TS]

  have to get a student lounge like that [TS]

  it basically became a place of the TV [TS]

  that you run into four star trek and [TS]

  then dash back out but we would not even [TS]

  cross the threshold but somehow the [TS]

  Flies remained there was no door on the [TS]

  kitchen but they remained in that area [TS]

  because that is where that was that is [TS]

  where they were born that is where they [TS]

  fell in love that is where they they [TS]

  died their whole culture was there but [TS]

  they never came through the door into [TS]

  the rest of the house also because there [TS]

  was probably an impenetrable wall pot [TS]

  smoke [TS]

  and so we had we had kind of de tot we [TS]

  lived in this room and they lived in the [TS]

  kitchen and we never went in window I I [TS]

  never went in that kitchen again i lived [TS]

  in three years that was your Munich [TS]

  that's right is he said look we need we [TS]

  need to reach some kind of a you know [TS]

  and have a centerpiece [TS]

  yeah you can have the Sudetenland which [TS]

  is our kitchen we will have and you want [TS]

  to have time he walked out holding up a [TS]

  piece of paper saying peace in our time [TS]

  is dinner time and then you know the you [TS]

  did you read the umbrella story the [TS]

  other day I don't think that'll i know i [TS]

  don't think i saw that i read about two [TS]

  and curry but have only have read about [TS]

  the umbrella tell me the umbrella story [TS]

  so you know about the you know about the [TS]

  guy with the umbrella on the grassy [TS]

  knoll [TS]

  oh it this is the faint I know about the [TS]

  grassy no I don't think you know about [TS]

  the umbrella so right at the moment the [TS]

  kennedy was assassinated as he is [TS]

  driving past the grassy knoll in dallas [TS]

  visible on the Zapruder film and other [TS]

  love Zapruder film I could watch that [TS]

  all day [TS]

  there is a man standing right at the [TS]

  point of impact when the first bullet [TS]

  hits Kennedy standing with an open [TS]

  umbrella and it has law it has long been [TS]

  I mean it was one of the major sort of [TS]

  like what the fuck's it's a beautiful [TS]

  sunny November day sunny day and this [TS]

  guy's standing right at that exact spot [TS]

  with outstanding under an open umbrella [TS]

  parasol don't know the full full on [TS]

  black umbrella and so this was a this [TS]

  was a thing that kind of made the rounds [TS]

  last week the all the conspiracy [TS]

  theorist of course said this bizarreness [TS]

  not even conspiracy there's any normal [TS]

  thinking person would say this [TS]

  bizarreness must be connected the man [TS]

  with the umbrella has to somehow be [TS]

  significant in this in in this moment [TS]

  this like historical moment and the [TS]

  that and I am forgetting the names of [TS]

  both the the the man who investigated it [TS]

  and the man who made the documentary [TS]

  film about him [TS]

  so this is useless well I'm uh what is [TS]

  the Warren Commission no no this is this [TS]

  is a who is the guy that arrow Morris [TS]

  the field ok errol morris and who was [TS]

  that the guy that made the film about [TS]

  the the about the McNamara Earl Warren [TS]

  out no women McNamara is errol morris [TS]

  and that is the camera that talks to you [TS]

  right right so he is making a film about [TS]

  this guy [TS]

  Oh Errol Morris is a very interesting [TS]

  guy well anyway though no because he's [TS]

  very into this idea i'm sorry to [TS]

  interrupt you but he has a whole famous [TS]

  essay that we should come back to about [TS]

  one photograph of the that road with [TS]

  cannonball dents in it and the [TS]

  authenticity of it he's very I think [TS]

  he's a person is obviously he's a guy [TS]

  who's always searching for like the [TS]

  unexpected truth behind the unexpected [TS]

  truth so you're saying he's making a [TS]

  movie about the umbrella kyar about [TS]

  about the know so he's interviewing a [TS]

  guy who went to great lengths to find [TS]

  the umbrella God and the umbrella guy [TS]

  actually came forward and testified [TS]

  before congress at the end of the [TS]

  seventies and his story was PS i am the [TS]

  umbrella guy yes I stood there with my [TS]

  open umbrella and my open umbrella that [TS]

  day was a protest against not John F [TS]

  Kennedy but it was a reference to [TS]

  Chamberlain's umbrella and it was a [TS]

  protest against Kennedy's dad who was a [TS]

  Nazi sympathizer em or who this man you [TS]

  know was like John that is John that is [TS]

  extremely subtle it was very was [TS]

  extremely subtle and the point the point [TS]

  of this little this little the short [TS]

  film that I watched was that if you [TS]

  examine any historical moment in [TS]

  excruciating detail like you like you [TS]

  like we have done that moment in dallas [TS]

  that the number the number of things [TS]

  that are like too bizarre to describe [TS]

  that in any sort of historical like over [TS]

  examined historical moment I what would [TS]

  blow your mind [TS]

  like if you could be if you could if you [TS]

  could take apart a photograph of any [TS]

  like a any moment like that he would [TS]

  find so many unexplainable kind of jobs [TS]

  so it's not just related weirdness [TS]

  it's not just that this question marks [TS]

  on this particular day but that you know [TS]

  every single frame of anything that [TS]

  anybody shot that day every single [TS]

  person was interviewed the research [TS]

  ethics like a huge amount of detail and [TS]

  you get a Russian one thing where [TS]

  there's so many different versions plus [TS]

  the documentation anywhere you've got [TS]

  that you're going to get different [TS]

  things and it's going to sound ? just [TS]

  lots of question marks [TS]

  yeah you see it in this in the Boston [TS]

  Marathon I was gonna bring that up at [TS]

  that that's relevant [TS]

  yeah although all the redditors out [TS]

  there looking at all the photographs and [TS]

  they find 25 different guys with [TS]

  backpacks and yeah and you're like how [TS]

  many how many suspicious looking guys [TS]

  with backpacks are there at the finish [TS]

  line of the Boston Marathon turns out a [TS]

  lot [TS]

  yeah you know I for some reason and that [TS]

  their amorous thing i'll send you a link [TS]

  to the X it's really interesting but I [TS]

  don't you ever seen this but you know [TS]

  they'll be something you see something [TS]

  like a really iconic photograph [TS]

  I'm trying LOL the closet when a classic [TS]

  examples you know the very famous [TS]

  portrait of Winston Churchill you know [TS]

  looking taciturn and that famous in a [TS]

  photo on extending it that tommy gun [TS]

  that's my favorite picture of him he's [TS]

  he's a he's yeah he's a he's a good [TS]

  subject but you know if you received you [TS]

  know what the fuck photographer who's [TS]

  made an iconic image you'll notice that [TS]

  there's an iconic image usually in this [TS]

  Chet Baker you don't usually see it [TS]

  alongside the 17 rejects with you know [TS]

  why texas right sure the the the the the [TS]

  memory of the rejects you know the ones [TS]

  the ones that did not become iconic [TS]

  because that's not the one they picked [TS]

  and what always strikes me about that is [TS]

  you know when you see it becomes like [TS]

  the Mona Lisa [TS]

  so are you saying that so many times [TS]

  that you kind of go dead to the [TS]

  foreground to background that you know [TS]

  anyway it's always amazing me when you [TS]

  get to see a whole sequence of photos [TS]

  where that might be one of 17 photos [TS]

  that somebody shot really fast and it's [TS]

  amazing how completely different a scene [TS]

  looks in like a really literally a [TS]

  fraction of a second and it changes the [TS]

  entire story i mean if you saw like the [TS]

  nurse slapping the sailor in one of [TS]

  those you know I'm not one was a VJ day [TS]

  yeah TJ davis funny but but I don't even [TS]

  like if you see you know if anything was [TS]

  worth anything if anything were [TS]

  different in that one shot it kind of [TS]

  starts to tell a different story or like [TS]

  you know the the woman walking down the [TS]

  street with the guys the french guy that [TS]

  takes all the pictures or bozo nono [TS]

  that's what was and what so I think it's [TS]

  one so so so was Shawn and a thing is if [TS]

  he didn't capture that one moment where [TS]

  a bunch of time of the Italian woman [TS]

  where all the guys on vegetables are [TS]

  whistling at her I think that's the one [TS]

  yeah and if everybody if he had captured [TS]

  in that one moment it would have been a [TS]

  completely different photograph you know [TS]

  anyway I don't want to get into like you [TS]

  know [TS]

  no I was thinking about this George [TS]

  territory but that's kind of what we're [TS]

  talking about [TS]

  well I was this came up for me because [TS]

  because for for many years I would say [TS]

  25 years ever since i first saw that [TS]

  iconic picture of mountain girl sitting [TS]

  next to jerry garcia it right before [TS]

  Jerry grew a beard mountain girl cherry [TS]

  garcia ok mountain girl is a woman named [TS]

  Caroline Garcia who was one of the [TS]

  original Merry Pranksters she had a baby [TS]

  with Ken Kesey and then she hooked up [TS]

  with Jerry and had two babies with jerry [TS]

  garcia before they married sometime in [TS]

  the eighties order but there isn't this [TS]

  iconic photograph of a mountain girl and [TS]

  Jerry sitting next to one another and [TS]

  probably 67 and it's like the days he's [TS]

  got big muttonchops and they [TS]

  and he's got big big muttonchops and she [TS]

  is a she is a gallon her twenties and [TS]

  they're both kind of looking up [TS]

  she looks like she might be in later [TS]

  Kenny she looks like she might be in [TS]

  later okay guys that's what she said [TS]

  nice photo really nice sweater [TS]

  so the first time I saw this picture it [TS]

  was back in the eighties when if you [TS]

  recall seeing pictures of your favorite [TS]

  rock stars was not it was not just a [TS]

  simple matter right i mean you did not [TS]

  just go on the internet and Google [TS]

  mountain girl and get every picture of [TS]

  her ever taken you would cut them out of [TS]

  circus magazine you would cut them out [TS]

  of magazines right and and so you would [TS]

  buy up and down with the rolling stones [TS]

  and you would pour over those to pick [TS]

  the two pages of pictures in the middle [TS]

  of the book because those were the only [TS]

  candidate pictures of the rolling stones [TS]

  you had ever seen right and i saw this [TS]

  picture of mountain girl with jerry [TS]

  garcia and on the one hand it is a it's [TS]

  that it's a picture of Jerry before he [TS]

  had his beard so it is a it is a picture [TS]

  of utter carnage and horror because [TS]

  Jerry is a terrible-looking person and [TS]

  here and he has a very sort of a weak [TS]

  chin that his beard later concealed and [TS]

  he's got so he's got a real like effort [TS]

  for focusing on the scene it's got a [TS]

  real mid-seventies my dog speaks to me [TS]

  serial killer kind of vibe yeah that's [TS]

  it [TS]

  he's super uncool that his beard and [TS]

  it's crazy to think that he was the [TS]

  leader of this whole movement but then [TS]

  once he grows the beard then you're like [TS]

  it's jerry garcia it's like Santa Claus [TS]

  is amazing looking and he rightfully [TS]

  never shaped it again but mountain girl [TS]

  was tempted me at at 21 years old or [TS]

  whatever when I first saw this picture [TS]

  she was so beautiful she was like the [TS]

  girl in the over minor ski catalog and [TS]

  she actually looks a lot like the girl [TS]

  and the Obermeyer ski catalog 01 the [TS]

  puffy jacket the puffy jacket call the [TS]

  ski pants and this picture of mountain [TS]

  girl kind of looking up maybe slightly [TS]

  slightly squinting her eyes [TS]

  care so fresh and clean and it's so [TS]

  embodied the sixties to me from my [TS]

  perspective in the in the mid to late [TS]

  eighties when sixties worship was at its [TS]

  highest and i was at 18 and 19 years old [TS]

  consumed by this nostalgia for the [TS]

  sixties and this feeling of loss and [TS]

  regret that I hadn't lived through the [TS]

  60s that in fact the sixties were lost [TS]

  forever and we were stuck in these [TS]

  miserable eighties I wanted so much to [TS]

  be with mountain girl and this was not a [TS]

  this wasn't it didn't have anything to [TS]

  do with liking the grateful dead because [TS]

  I didn't particularly like the Grateful [TS]

  Dead this is 1 this is a right before [TS]

  you're grateful dead hang out period did [TS]

  anything you say you had a period we [TS]

  hung out with deadheads yeah I did but I [TS]

  mean you know i I've always had a period [TS]

  of time might I have multiple periods [TS]

  simultaneously so I was hanging with a [TS]

  look at memory but I wasn't a oh sorry [TS]

  where's my bell and here it is ready [TS]

  whoo up so you're talking about your [TS]

  menses yeah I you know I had had a lot [TS]

  of dead as i started three times now but [TS]

  it but what I know right but it wasn't [TS]

  about it wasn't about that it was about [TS]

  this idea i mean i don't know if you [TS]

  remember the movie 1969 starring a [TS]

  starring role [TS]

  what's his name the Iron Man oh wow nice [TS]

  pole of opportunity here Robert Downey [TS]

  jr. and Kiefer Sutherland and winona [TS]

  ryder in a movie called 1969 that came [TS]

  out in 1987 or 88 and it was this you [TS]

  know it was this super [TS]

  super stroke off kind of like the [TS]

  sixties man the sixties are gonna make [TS]

  didn't the nineties going to make the [TS]

  sixties look like the eighties matter [TS]

  whatever dennis hopper's famous quote [TS]

  but uh but anyway so I spent years [TS]

  thinking that mountain girl was you know [TS]

  like kind of this beautiful girl like my [TS]

  ideal hippie girl but I had only ever [TS]

  seen the one picture of her literally [TS]

  there were no other pictures of mountain [TS]

  girl and I thought I guess at a certain [TS]

  point many many years ago I just assumed [TS]

  that she had gone up into the mountains [TS]

  and never come down or that she had [TS]

  turned into an eagle or I don't know [TS]

  what happened i did i had no idea what [TS]

  having a mountain girl and what happened [TS]

  to mount girl was that she married jerry [TS]

  garcia had two kids and wrote a book [TS]

  about cooking with pot or something and [TS]

  she's still alive today and lives in [TS]

  santa rosa and I so the other day i was [TS]

  just i don't know why i was thinking [TS]

  about it but I googled her and they're [TS]

  all these pictures of mountain colonel [TS]

  and you look at it from a different [TS]

  angle and I mean she's cute [TS]

  you know but just like a an assistant [TS]

  manager at a health food store [TS]

  yeah she's not so cute that that she [TS]

  would burn herself into your into a [TS]

  person's mind for 425 years but here I [TS]

  am like the mountain girl and my [TS]

  imagination Trump's the real mountain [TS]

  girl and it's because I only ever saw [TS]

  this one great picture of her and they [TS]

  were probably 25 pictures on either side [TS]

  of it that no one's ever seen right so [TS]

  unfair considering how many terrible [TS]

  pictures of me are out there in Excel [TS]

  yeah I look you look really different [TS]

  from different angles [TS]

  I don't think I'm going to shave my [TS]

  beard again it's not because I have a [TS]

  weak chin it's because i have the chin [TS]

  of a thousand [TS]

  men having too much in your beard Shape [TS]

  face have too much I've too much face [TS]

  oh yeah you know what's interesting [TS]

  about you [TS]

  it's hard to explain but you have kind [TS]

  of big everything [TS]

  yeah it's weird like there's some people [TS]

  who seem pretty like kind of a [TS]

  proportionate but it seems like you know [TS]

  like that you can only really have one [TS]

  big thing I your potty training that you [TS]

  but one like you know it seems like you [TS]

  have a real big melon head that are like [TS]

  all cans or something those big wide [TS]

  shoulder read a lot of guys but he meets [TS]

  people sometimes especially Frenchman [TS]

  whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo like laundry the giant [TS]

  everything on him looks big [TS]

  yeah it's Gallic yeah they're not well I [TS]

  guess I i guess i'm not Gallic you're [TS]

  pretty sexy she in a lot of ways [TS]

  oh that's interesting you think i'm [TS]

  kinda French but I'm not gonna get [TS]

  involved in this again [TS]

  all right the guy who I just sent you a [TS]

  link to this the guy who took the same [TS]

  as photo telling her encourage you look [TS]

  at the link because of the other picture [TS]

  that came out of that session so it's a [TS]

  famous picture of Churchill with his [TS]

  head kind of slightly down beautiful [TS]

  photo he's got a cane [TS]

  he looks great and so cars the guy who [TS]

  shot this had asked Rachel to remove the [TS]

  scar in its mouth Churchill refuse [TS]

  Karsch walked up to Churchill supposedly [TS]

  to get a light level and casually pull [TS]

  the signatures of car from the lips of [TS]

  Churchill and walk back toward the [TS]

  camera as he walked he clicked his [TS]

  camera mode capturing the quote-unquote [TS]

  determined look he's looking now when [TS]

  you know that knows that the right is [TS]

  that true that link i essentially it [TS]

  mostly now he just looks like a fat man [TS]

  he's pouting [TS]

  mmm yeah but at the time he looked like [TS]

  the guy who was going to defeat Hitler [TS]

  with his scowl here's the thing to go to [TS]

  that page and scroll down you can see [TS]

  the one of him smiling broadly from the [TS]

  same yeah very different that's like [TS]

  oliver hardy right although still with [TS]

  the kind of like yeah like the left side [TS]

  of his face is fully four inches shorter [TS]

  than the right side of his face that [TS]

  yeah like he's one of those guys if you [TS]

  draw a line down the middle of that [TS]

  picture and you look at just put your [TS]

  hand over you look at the one-half yeah [TS]

  yeah it's two completely different men [TS]

  he looks like a courageous twice-baked [TS]

  potato [TS]

  um yeah yeah it's a funny thing else [TS]

  into that arrow Morris thing to exist [TS]

  it's a good read i don't know i like hot [TS]

  food I like medium warm coffee I don't [TS]

  get too hot my friends really look down [TS]

  on this but I I put a lot of like half [TS]

  and half in my coffee you do I think [TS]

  you're a half-and-half guy right [TS]

  I like half and half but you go through [TS]

  a gallon of half-and-half I don't do a [TS]

  lot of everything but yeah you're [TS]

  absolutely right i am what I'll do is [TS]

  I'll make real strong coffee i'm gonna [TS]

  hear my office in my dingus and then i [TS]

  will pour in a sec this is an admixture [TS]

  of hot water and a half and half until [TS]

  it's exactly the perfect temperature to [TS]

  drink immediately you know you know [TS]

  Merlin I will drink room temperature pop [TS]

  I've done that I've done that but you [TS]

  know what here's the thing I I don't [TS]

  want to get too much into your biography [TS]

  and comfortable talking about it but you [TS]

  know how do you think some of this [TS]

  let me ask you this have you always been [TS]

  this way or has had some of this come [TS]

  out of your like I i recently I you know [TS]

  I guess I read those the diaries were [TS]

  like he said it sent stuff from your [TS]

  walk back to that Professor and i guess [TS]

  and i read those pages a long time ago [TS]

  and had looked at him again till [TS]

  recently but they're fantastic but I'm [TS]

  write a book about that that's a while [TS]

  already talked about email if you write [TS]

  a book about your walk the okay high [TS]

  five fucking creeper 420 but i but I [TS]

  mean it sounds like your diet was uneven [TS]

  at best and then you had you had your [TS]

  surgery which is your feet were singing [TS]

  was that it or they're working bring [TS]

  your bring your fever ringing [TS]

  but I mean you know you must have you [TS]

  sound like you really did kind of eat [TS]

  roots and berries if you were lucky [TS]

  sometimes yeah [TS]

  did that make you less picky uh the the [TS]

  high became less picky um I didn't ever [TS]

  tell you the story about how I became [TS]

  less picky [TS]

  no John I would love to hear the story [TS]

  about how you became less picky [TS]

  are you sure in the Balkans no no it was [TS]

  a long time before i was i was extremely [TS]

  picky when I was a kid the pickiest of [TS]

  all the major i would only 84 menu items [TS]

  macaroni and cheese boiling bags [TS]

  Salisbury steaks stoffers staffers good [TS]

  boil-in-the-bag Salisbury steaks i would [TS]

  eat pizza and I would eat spaghetti if [TS]

  you put the spaghetti sauce in the [TS]

  blender and blended all visible lumps [TS]

  out of it [TS]

  how often would your mother capitulate [TS]

  to these requests well she the thing is [TS]

  she's busy she had a career she was busy [TS]

  and so what she what she ended up doing [TS]

  what she would make spaghetti sauce was [TS]

  just like like drizzle tomato sauce she [TS]

  wouldn't put anything in it [TS]

  okay um and and the problem was that i [TS]

  was i was a I was extremely I was [TS]

  extremely stubborn like it was no it [TS]

  wasn't a question of I would sit and did [TS]

  multiple times sit at a table in front [TS]

  of a of a cup of cold peas and sit there [TS]

  until it was time to go to bed and you [TS]

  know and they would sit me in front of a [TS]

  couple cold peas in it for breakfast and [TS]

  I wouldn't eat and they would sit me at [TS]

  the couple cold Pease at lunch and [TS]

  dinner and I just would need and it [TS]

  ended and I wouldn't eat until [TS]

  continuing to not feed me would [TS]

  constitute child abuse and they just and [TS]

  it wasn't that I would you know I wasn't [TS]

  crying I wasn't I was just sitting [TS]

  quietly staring over the top of the cup [TS]

  of cold peas [TS]

  on community like to fuck McCain of [TS]

  convenience vegetables until they just [TS]

  you know until everyone capitulated and [TS]

  i just ate the you know the five things [TS]

  that I would eat and when I was in high [TS]

  school and had a car at lunch time I [TS]

  would go to McDonald's because i was [TS]

  growing I was a big i was getting big [TS]

  now we go to McDonald's and i would get [TS]

  two cheeseburgers a 20 piece chicken [TS]

  mcnugget a strawberry shake a strawberry [TS]

  sundae an Apple turnover and one other [TS]

  thing i didn't need french fries insane [TS]

  i would get i would get this this meal [TS]

  that would feed like a soccer team but I [TS]

  wouldn't eat a green vegetable I [TS]

  wouldn't eat a and you know and I and I [TS]

  had a powerful gag reflex it's not just [TS]

  that I wouldn't eat it but the that I [TS]

  would sit and like look like I couldn't [TS]

  even if you if you if you put a piece of [TS]

  broccoli under my nose [TS]

  it would i would be retching like I was [TS]

  like I was in a outhouse you know and [TS]

  that persisted and na was a big reason [TS]

  that I didn't do foreign exchange when I [TS]

  was in high school it was suggested that [TS]

  maybe what I should do is go on a [TS]

  foreign exchange program and maybe that [TS]

  would straighten me out or maybe that [TS]

  which show me the show me something [TS]

  about the world that would that was [TS]

  going to change my my weird little [TS]

  provincial attitudes and I didn't want [TS]

  to go on foreign exchange because i was [TS]

  afraid that I was going to go somewhere [TS]

  I was afraid to even apply for fear that [TS]

  I would end up going someplace where [TS]

  they served me frogs legs and clams and [TS]

  made me eat lettuce and and so I was [TS]

  like no thanks [TS]

  you know like I i sheltered myself from [TS]

  experience all the way through high [TS]

  school largely based on like am I going [TS]

  to be able to get to mcdonalds or to [TS]

  taco bell and even at taco bell i would [TS]

  order tacos with no lettuce while they [TS]

  would especially make tacos for me with [TS]

  no lettuce [TS]

  and the cheeseburgers i got it at [TS]

  mcdonalds plain plain cheeseburgers no [TS]

  casualties you to grill order to a grill [TS]

  or move so so this this was true of me [TS]

  into college and unfortunately the food [TS]

  that you get in college is basically [TS]

  exactly that menu pizza and macaroni and [TS]

  cheese boil-in-the-bag Salisbury steaks [TS]

  so until i was i guess not know until I [TS]

  was 20 I had I had an incredibly small [TS]

  palette and and I lived in fear [TS]

  you know I lived in fear of the wider [TS]

  world strictly because if I ended up [TS]

  going home with somebody for dinner and [TS]

  their mom put a plate of food in front [TS]

  of me then what are they made lumpy like [TS]

  spaghetti sauce made lumpy spaghetti so [TS]

  let's be totally out it not only what [TS]

  you have to eat it but you would have to [TS]

  explain that you're picky [TS]

  yeah it would end it happened many many [TS]

  many times I'm over to somebody's house [TS]

  and their mom is like i made spaghetti [TS]

  and everybody's like yeah and I am dying [TS]

  inside you get panicky I did I was dying [TS]

  because I because I I didn't know am I [TS]

  going to sit down at the table and the [TS]

  spaghetti is going to come and it's and [TS]

  it's fine [TS]

  or is it gonna have big green peppers in [TS]

  it and onions and all these things that [TS]

  that I was just like oh no and believe [TS]

  me you cannot eat spaghetti at someone's [TS]

  house and pick out the green peppers and [TS]

  put them on the side here play that [TS]

  doesn't fly so all the way until I sell [TS]

  admire it was so I mean you know when I [TS]

  was I had I done it all and put to put [TS]

  the food in my pockets that wrapped in a [TS]

  napkin stole the napkin [TS]

  no it didn't we have six napkins I don't [TS]

  know I've got it tucked down the front [TS]

  of my pants but so anyway so I anna and [TS]

  i had been like this [TS]

  checking all across the states it's just [TS]

  like everybody has a hamburger [TS]

  you know what I mean in America so if [TS]

  you have any choice of food you're fine [TS]

  because you just choose a hamburger and [TS]

  it's fine [TS]

  but then i went to Europe for the first [TS]

  time and for most of the time I was just [TS]

  living on French bread and cheese and [TS]

  every once in a while I would I would [TS]

  get a plate or something and I'd you [TS]

  know kind of pick at it but but it i was [TS]

  pretty much covered like ham sandwich in [TS]

  Europe is the same as hamburger over [TS]

  here you can find a piece of French [TS]

  bread with us thin slice of ham and some [TS]

  and some cheese everywhere you go [TS]

  but one day i was on a train and it [TS]

  deposited me in innsbrook austria and it [TS]

  was at the end of the day and I got off [TS]

  the train and instead it instead of [TS]

  heading heading left i headed right and [TS]

  it's you know it's one of those things [TS]

  where if you're if you're not just this [TS]

  is the lady who made you food [TS]

  yeah I told you the story the lady who [TS]

  who made me the-the-the-the asparagus [TS]

  with the pollination she laid out an [TS]

  entire meal for you it was past closing [TS]

  time in chi and she spread out an entire [TS]

  banquet for you [TS]

  that's right that's right i have told [TS]

  you the story gets story i'm sorry it's [TS]

  ok I shouldn't have said anything i [TS]

  should i'm sorry i shouldn't say [TS]

  anything [TS]

  no that's but that's the story so you [TS]

  know my name but I never heard the part [TS]

  I never heard the part before that and I [TS]

  have to say it's very isn't it [TS]

  surprising to me that you are pure picky [TS]

  it's not surprising to me that you had [TS]

  showdowns with your mom because it seems [TS]

  like that would be a kind of inevitable [TS]

  battle of the wills that's the problem [TS]

  it didn't start with my mom my dad was [TS]

  weird about food and I don't know [TS]

  whether it was from his dad or whatever [TS]

  but but when I was a little kid after my [TS]

  folks got divorced my dad would come [TS]

  stay with us and one time and it's it's [TS]

  a it's a moment that that sticks in my [TS]

  head even though i had I I couldn't have [TS]

  been any older than about three and a [TS]

  half [TS]

  but my dad got up with me and my mom you [TS]

  know slept in and my dad made me eggs [TS]

  and my mom had always made my eggs [TS]

  sunny-side up and I would pop the yolks [TS]

  and I would eat the yolks with toast and [TS]

  my dad scramble the eggs or he may be [TS]

  eggs some way and I was a three-year-old [TS]

  up until that point [TS]

  three-and-a-half-year-old ID and [TS]

  everything it wasn't a problem but dad [TS]

  made the eggs wrong and I was a little [TS]

  kid and didn't and I was like no that's [TS]

  not how eggs are that's that when a kid [TS]

  is and my dad lost his mind and was [TS]

  screaming and you're going to eat those [TS]

  eggs and it was this traumatic [TS]

  experience where I was like I'm not [TS]

  gonna eat those eggs [TS]

  those are those I know what an egg looks [TS]

  like uh huh [TS]

  this is something he'll there's some [TS]

  garbage food and it [TS]

  my dad and I had a showdown and it was [TS]

  the first time and he and I were had [TS]

  been you know we're always very close [TS]

  the first time there been any conflict [TS]

  between us [TS]

  wow really yeah my mom came running into [TS]

  the kitchen [TS]

  leave him alone and my dad was like a is [TS]

  you're ruining him tied and it was this [TS]

  whole and I mean it sticks in my head [TS]

  not just because it has been talked [TS]

  about sense but I mean it was a it was [TS]

  it made a big the planning a big flag in [TS]

  the ground and from that point on food [TS]

  was the thing that food was the way that [TS]

  I could control my environment [TS]

  whoa really yeah and so I never from [TS]

  that point on I was just any cut time a [TS]

  plate landed in front of me if it was [TS]

  something I had never seen before I was [TS]

  like no way no way and so my palate [TS]

  basically stayed at the at the like [TS]

  chicken strips grilled cheese sandwich [TS]

  level of a three-and-a-half-year-old and [TS]

  it and with every passing year I just [TS]

  reinforced it reinforced it in my mind [TS]

  and in my and everything I did until you [TS]

  know you're 16 years old 17 years old [TS]

  you're just like [TS]

  see sandwich please or whatever you know [TS]

  never I grew up in Alaska I never ate [TS]

  fish of any kind wow people would pull [TS]

  king salmon is out of the kenai river [TS]

  and got him right there and throw him on [TS]

  the throne on an open fire and everybody [TS]

  else is like digging into this you know [TS]

  that the guy i have sense had its course [TS]

  but a king salmon straight out of the [TS]

  river there's no it's like ambrosia and [TS]

  I said get it i'm eating a hot dog and [TS]

  my teenage friends are like what is the [TS]

  matter with you man this is the world's [TS]

  greatest food and I'm just like gross [TS]

  but usually do it but I mean you were [TS]

  okay with saying like that's just not a [TS]

  thing I'm gonna do [TS]

  oh yeah okay I mean I was like you guys [TS]

  are eating a fish then just came out of [TS]

  a river like think about it they're like [TS]

  we are thinking about it as we eat this [TS]

  delicious fish that just came out of [TS]

  this river and I'm like no thanks I'm [TS]

  gonna stick with this hotdog this [TS]

  amazing fewer hot dog that wasn't just [TS]

  in a river [TS]

  I mean I was like I was it something you [TS]

  take a hot dog you know a lot of all of [TS]

  all the kinds of 50 [TS]

  I mean you know just saying it wasn't [TS]

  like you're having inorganic parsnips [TS]

  your hand here our plans and butts [TS]

  basically far from it and and and and [TS]

  presently very familiar the the one [TS]

  thing that that that holds over is this [TS]

  is that I still eating Arby's [TS]

  periodically not very often me too but [TS]

  you know an RB sandwich is probably the [TS]

  worst thing that human beings have ever [TS]

  devised i see i see some signs for stuff [TS]

  at our taco bell that i I just I can't [TS]

  believe you know what goes into food [TS]

  photography [TS]

  I'm just my I'm i just sent my daughter [TS]

  didn't think that that doesn't like barf [TS]

  she's yeah i mean it really it looks [TS]

  like art looks like barf I mean all [TS]

  those companies you know how the food [TS]

  gets there it gets there in tanker [TS]

  trucks don't like [TS]

  everything at a Taco Bell arrives in a [TS]

  tanker and they just plug a huge fire [TS]

  hose into a slot in the wall and they [TS]

  just pump it in and that's true of our [TS]

  efforts to of arbys to but I just it's [TS]

  the one holdover from those years so [TS]

  anyway after that experience in [TS]

  innsbrook then it was like going from [TS]

  black and white to color it like it is [TS]

  almost get broke a fever or something [TS]

  exciting that's exactly right [TS]

  it's something popped and I because and [TS]

  I think it's because asparagus was at [TS]

  the very top of my list of things I [TS]

  would never ever eat like it looked so [TS]

  wrong it's smelled something terrible [TS]

  and and the idea that an asparagus and [TS]

  and I say this with the full knowledge [TS]

  that Europeans have no idea how to cook [TS]

  asparagus like like Europeans eat white [TS]

  Candace paragas limp grows soggy [TS]

  asparagus like not nothing compared to [TS]

  to the amazing olive oil drenched [TS]

  broiled asparagus [TS]

  that's ok but even then even this soggy [TS]

  Austrian asparagus was so delicious and [TS]

  so astonishing that it that could have [TS]

  been there in the world the whole time [TS]

  that I was sitting sitting on my cold [TS]

  log eating a hotdog average salmon i go [TS]

  through this with my daughter who is you [TS]

  know she is really she's a five-year-old [TS]

  a lot of ways so you know she she [TS]

  doesn't want to schedule a lot of ways [TS]

  including actual chronological age I am [TS]

  yes I guess that I guess that does [TS]

  factor into it yes she's not where we'd [TS]

  like her to be but she's being five on a [TS]

  12th grade level [TS]

  yeah but I but you know I have to say to [TS]

  her sometimes she's like you know will [TS]

  be like just gonna try a little this [TS]

  food you know I'm gonna get weird [TS]

  because I think and I don't want to get [TS]

  into eating disorders is the new Hitler [TS]

  but but you know I've had more than one [TS]

  woman tell me that their relationship [TS]

  with food like yours became really [TS]

  fucked up in a divorced family where [TS]

  food became a way to control something [TS]

  in an environment that they didn't have [TS]

  controlling seriously I've had a handful [TS]

  of women tell me that that's how they [TS]

  got a weird relationship with food so [TS]

  I'm [TS]

  not really surprised you know what [TS]

  you're saying that in some ways but but [TS]

  like with my kid you know [TS]

  yeah where were the typical I mean kind [TS]

  of like we consider ourselves good about [TS]

  this family which is let's just try it [TS]

  and just try and and that's really all [TS]

  you have to do just try a bite [TS]

  that's all we're asking me to do you [TS]

  know there's nothing you're gonna like [TS]

  we're not going to make you go on a [TS]

  roller coaster even though we don't like [TS]

  it like we're not gonna make you eat [TS]

  shrimp with lobster sauce because I'm [TS]

  you live from the house who likes it [TS]

  anyway you know what I mean like just [TS]

  just give it a spin that's really all [TS]

  that were asking [TS]

  yeah and the thing I end up saying to [TS]

  her that is um you know I try to be [TS]

  careful because I just in life i try to [TS]

  be careful not to tell somebody who I [TS]

  think they are but rather what I think [TS]

  they're doing right I'm not great at it [TS]

  but in this case I don't want to hear [TS]

  your picky eater or something right [TS]

  right right now but what I will say is [TS]

  pretty much every food we have put in [TS]

  front of you you didn't want to try and [TS]

  that includes chocolate and I can pretty [TS]

  much guarantee that there was at least [TS]

  one Saturday morning years ago where you [TS]

  didn't want to watch toy story like you [TS]

  have a habit of not liking stuff until [TS]

  you try it because that's how it works [TS]

  right and you know I I think that's [TS]

  actually weirdly appropriate you know to [TS]

  a lot of things in life you know where [TS]

  you know you get this really strong idea [TS]

  but uh I've i swear i've met a lot of [TS]

  people with kind of sometimes like [TS]

  famous but often like shameful things [TS]

  like that it's kind of like being an [TS]

  adult dead wetter in some ways I'm [TS]

  afraid you wouldn't want anything should [TS]

  only way a lot huh [TS]

  I was a bed-wetter until I was [TS]

  embarrassingly hold its at right yeah [TS]

  you know my well at least until i was [TS]

  introduced until I was in fourth grade [TS]

  no kidding that's Sox it did you know [TS]

  the the the the thing about my parents [TS]

  divorce was that I gave no outward sign [TS]

  of being affected God and so all of [TS]

  these things all these little little [TS]

  broken of like gauges [TS]

  it just all came out in these in these [TS]

  other ways and they hated everything to [TS]

  try and get me to stop bedwetting and in [TS]

  the mid-seventies there was the purpose [TS]

  that was an appliance and oft there [TS]

  wasn't applying now really as it was it [TS]

  took the form of a complete sheet of [TS]

  like stainless steel thin very thin air [TS]

  show no no no under my sheet that was [TS]

  looking to make flooding and that was [TS]

  connected with to you know electrode [TS]

  clamps to a buzzer to a loud alarm and [TS]

  if I wet the bed in the middle of the [TS]

  night get the water the the liquid would [TS]

  hit this this metal sheet and this bad [TS]

  rap why that should make a shame problem [TS]

  worse and it was it was put the way it [TS]

  was sold to us was it was supposed to [TS]

  wake the child up and that way they [TS]

  would learn to equate their full bladder [TS]

  or their recently recently empty bring [TS]

  her recently evacuated a lot of causing [TS]

  the editor [TS]

  yeah with the dude with the need to get [TS]

  up in the night and go to the go to the [TS]

  bathroom and so uh you know this thing [TS]

  went off a couple of times and I was no [TS]

  dummy i pulled the sheet back and [TS]

  figured out how it work and took the [TS]

  took the electrode off the metal sheet [TS]

  just you know just one not both care [TS]

  lifehacker is I know how electricity [TS]

  works and then and then I would wet the [TS]

  bed and then when I would wake up in the [TS]

  morning I would go oh fuck [TS]

  and I would lean over and plug it back [TS]

  in like clip the clip back to the middle [TS]

  and it would immediately start why lab [TS]

  and my mom would come running in and she [TS]

  would say you just want the bed now you [TS]

  just it's time to wake up you just you [TS]

  made it all the way through the night [TS]

  and just wet the bed now i don't [TS]

  understand i was like boom [TS]

  oops and for the for a long time I you [TS]

  know I pulled this scam where I was [TS]

  convincing my mom that I don't sleep all [TS]

  the way through the night and then just [TS]

  pee like two minutes before she was [TS]

  that's super interesting and that seemed [TS]

  better in your mind because it actually [TS]

  kind of seems worse better than being [TS]

  woken up in the middle of the night I'll [TS]

  alarm and gotten out of bed and you know [TS]

  put in the shower and close i mean i [TS]

  would much rather sleep through the [TS]

  night not now of course now I would i do [TS]

  not want to sleep through the night in [TS]

  wet pajamas but i have much preferred to [TS]

  do it when I was you know 67 years old [TS]

  right then than the alternative but also [TS]

  you know like waking up the entire house [TS]

  at one o'clock in the morning [TS]

  not a great feeling yeah I know I would [TS]

  never say anything against your family [TS]

  combo but but but that seems together i [TS]

  mean that's like masturbation minutes or [TS]

  something like yeah I was the seventies [TS]

  I mean you know there were people [TS]

  sitting there kids down and put you know [TS]

  giving them like quarter doses of LSD [TS]

  and flashing lights at them to see what [TS]

  they did they could add your are a [TS]

  cleanse they could have you know but but [TS]

  that was another thing the bedwetting [TS]

  was a thing that kept me from going to [TS]

  slumber parties and kept me from going [TS]

  over to other kids houses so i think [TS]

  that i think that the person that I am [TS]

  today is absolutely a product of of the [TS]

  person i was at ten or twelve which was [TS]

  a kid with a you know I had I had this [TS]

  sense of adventure that I have but it [TS]

  was in the shell of timidity that was a [TS]

  you know that was timidity brought on by [TS]

  fear of being exposed as a picky eating [TS]

  bedwetting [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  thumb sucking kid that played with GI [TS]

  Joes until he was 17 know like right I [TS]

  was a late bloomer Late Late Late this [TS]

  is this is one of those things that it's [TS]

  just it seems so obvious which is why it [TS]

  must be said which is that I think for [TS]

  most of us there are very few people [TS]

  that are always looking forward I mean [TS]

  if you think about anything that you did [TS]

  we do in a given day or a week it is for [TS]

  most of us in some way a conscious or [TS]

  more often maybe unconscious reaction to [TS]

  something that just happened and I mean [TS]

  in extreme cases you can think of lots [TS]

  of you know examples of that but pretty [TS]

  much everything that we're doing you [TS]

  know even if it's going out to get half [TS]

  and half because we forgot to get half a [TS]

  nap [TS]

  we're constantly reacting something that [TS]

  just happened to Scientology but but I [TS]

  mean the thing is that didn't just [TS]

  happen this week that's happened every [TS]

  week your fucking life [TS]

  you're always direct reacting to [TS]

  something that just happened before and [TS]

  if all of that is happening and that [TS]

  goes back 45 years it's still the same [TS]

  thing and I mean if you had if one had [TS]

  these these things that really helped [TS]

  form your personality into a certain way [TS]

  you know I it sounds like I don't know [TS]

  if the sounds frightening or something [TS]

  but I'm not surprised at all to know [TS]

  that I mean to know that that that has [TS]

  such a long live effect on one who you [TS]

  think you are [TS]

  and then what you should be doing to [TS]

  react to what just happened [TS]

  well and and I i think because i felt a [TS]

  prisoner of shame like kids shame right [TS]

  and not really shame for anything I had [TS]

  done but just kids shame of a you know [TS]

  of of somebody and I wasn't even afraid [TS]

  of kids pointing at me and saying that [TS]

  being a bed-wetter I was afraid of [TS]

  adults doing it because of course in the [TS]

  seventies it is not it is not so far [TS]

  outside of the realm of possibility that [TS]

  some coach or teacher or friends parent [TS]

  would go wow what a little baby so [TS]

  living you know living can find [TS]

  bye-bye kids shame i was a big part of [TS]

  me that what at some point deciding that [TS]

  I would that I would have no shit no [TS]

  shame or is it would be rather it would [TS]

  be impossible to shame me you know what [TS]

  I mean that was the that was the key [TS]

  that was the that was the moment the [TS]

  moment when I realized that the only [TS]

  reason you couldn't be gay in the CIA [TS]

  was because that though that would give [TS]

  the Russians power over you right you're [TS]

  already kind of compromise your [TS]

  vulnerable you're vulnerable because you [TS]

  can be exposed and the idea that that [TS]

  and then and I saw that radiating out [TS]

  through the world that people were so [TS]

  afraid of being exposed that they were [TS]

  enslaved not not you know it was not [TS]

  hard to enslave another person you just [TS]

  find out what they're scared of other [TS]

  people knowing and then you hold it over [TS]

  there and right i mean structure that a [TS]

  person nothing nothing difficult for [TS]

  someone to enslave themselves right and [TS]

  that's that's this little suddenly it's [TS]

  Oprah but I mean you know that that's [TS]

  where you end up having this prison of [TS]

  your own design your own personal you [TS]

  know Penn opticon of shame which you [TS]

  dwell and I i think that that I mean I [TS]

  think that has ramifications that are [TS]

  they go much further than most of us [TS]

  like to think I mean you know i mean [TS]

  again it sounds like a cliche but you [TS]

  know you want to say to kids like what [TS]

  you know that guy who's just you know an [TS]

  unrepentant bully like we know in [TS]

  retrospect now like that poor that mean [TS]

  poor kid like probably was getting his [TS]

  if he's lucky just getting his ass [TS]

  kicked [TS]

  yeah it might have been a lot more like [TS]

  the fact he's hitting he's not hitting [TS]

  you like he's hit knuckle Joe right you [TS]

  know i mean or he's hitting his his big [TS]

  brother who's getting hit by uncle gel [TS]

  I've told you the story of Julius McRae [TS]

  I don't know that [TS]

  yeah sure shot down and give me a shout [TS]

  out to get an A [TS]

  I don't understand what makes you want [TS]

  to be a gym coach doesn't seem like that [TS]

  seems like maybe a third level [TS]

  fall back mm you know they're all those [TS]

  dads this is the thing that Merlin we [TS]

  were not jock so we don't understand the [TS]

  power of jock dumb [TS]

  yes the people who are engineers you [TS]

  know where people you know its people [TS]

  who are engineers have troubled thinking [TS]

  understanding how people who are not [TS]

  engineers think because they understand [TS]

  the mechanics of how the universe [TS]

  operates at a physics level and so they [TS]

  don't understand why people would not [TS]

  think the same way that they do right [TS]

  they don't understand why nobody can [TS]

  read the instruction manual that they [TS]

  wrote because strangle the road is [TS]

  totally obvious to an engineer dr. [TS]

  Strangelove is in there you just haven't [TS]

  searched enough services yet and this is [TS]

  the thing about jocks and and I'm [TS]

  convinced of this jocks are jocks live [TS]

  fairly happy lives i think much happier [TS]

  than mine because because the they're [TS]

  just a the life of a jock is just [TS]

  uncomplicated by all this yyyy wandering [TS]

  wandering spreading fretting fretting [TS]

  about stuff that can't be fixed and you [TS]

  know chalk throws the ball catches a [TS]

  ball [TS]

  there's a feeling of accomplishment [TS]

  there it may be is just as real as the [TS]

  accomplishment of writing a novel maybe [TS]

  just as real as the accomplishment of [TS]

  writing a great novel if you catch a [TS]

  great touchdown pass and it saves the [TS]

  day for the team and the town like what [TS]

  could be better than that and a lot of [TS]

  these guys who didn't have the didn't [TS]

  have the glory for themselves or their [TS]

  you know their glory days are behind [TS]

  them and they get to work with kids and [TS]

  and bask in the reflected glory of young [TS]

  people having those experiences i mean [TS]

  at that whole world where where there is [TS]

  somebody out there right now who has [TS]

  reached his career pinnacle and it is it [TS]

  is being like secondary teams coach for [TS]

  small Midwestern college and you know [TS]

  and he's out there it for 50 years on [TS]

  the sidelines season after season [TS]

  the sidelines season after season [TS]

  I mean those seem like a valid and [TS]

  poetic beautiful lives i guess and it's [TS]

  never a thing i can i can relate to it [TS]

  all out all I can picture myself it if [TS]

  if if if it was freaky friday and he and [TS]

  I switch positions and I'm standing [TS]

  there in those polyester pants with the [TS]

  wind blowing over my windbreaker [TS]

  watching these kids not even the a-team [TS]

  but like the you know the secondary [TS]

  defense squad and they're running drills [TS]

  and ice [TS]

  you know I just see myself standing [TS]

  there and watching them for like a [TS]

  minute and a half and then looking [TS]

  around wondering where the bus station [TS]

  is and it but people devote their whole [TS]

  lives to it and I might you know my dad [TS]

  I think would have been happier guy if [TS]

  he had just followed sports if he had [TS]

  just followed the sports thread of his [TS]

  young life and it found a way to stay in [TS]

  sports [TS]

  um without all the pressure of trying to [TS]

  make a difference and trying to settle [TS]

  the disputes with labor unions if he had [TS]

  just so you know been in that clear-cut [TS]

  world of like the dispute is that your [TS]

  team is against our team and the [TS]

  disputes is benefiting in law and [TS]

  politics which is never resolved right [TS]

  and you like you have a victory on that [TS]

  Tuesday night and then the real work [TS]

  begins and you start over or in-law [TS]

  I mean it's just all shades and subtlety [TS]

  yeah I couldn't do that but you know [TS]

  here's one thing you think about think [TS]

  about like without my chocks and I mean [TS]

  I think we think this from at least in [TS]

  my mind like the the jock thing goes way [TS]

  beyond who's on the field playing sports [TS]

  because you know football teams are big [TS]

  if you you know it's yours whatever 11 [TS]

  people on each side of the field at a [TS]

  time [TS]

  it's one of you there that and it's i'm [TS]

  speaking phonetically but but you know [TS]

  what is it 11 people i think so yeah it [TS]

  doesn't look at 11 offensive and [TS]

  defensive name faces that right 11 a [TS]

  little weird number why 1100 all sports [TS]

  are done in in Muslim prime numbers [TS]

  interesting something that you love [TS]

  basketball team [TS]

  on a team or on the court at a time [TS]

  there are there are there are five [TS]

  people from the basketball team on the [TS]

  court at a time but you can have as many [TS]

  people on the team as you want [TS]

  I think so you can have what they call a [TS]

  deep bench how many people are on a [TS]

  soccer team other on the columns is it [TS]

  is it as a prime number [TS]

  you know I'm not gonna look but i'm [TS]

  going to say what you get you forward to [TS]

  get your Center you get your bags 567 [TS]

  anything is even if you don't let's take [TS]

  it as read there's 40 to 60 people on [TS]

  the football team in high school which i [TS]

  think is probably still a little high [TS]

  there's a ton more people than that that [TS]

  see themselves as jocks and act like [TS]

  jocks and you could be i'm just going to [TS]

  stay with all due respect to lard asses [TS]

  there are so many lard-ass men in this [TS]

  area walking around in era like official [TS]

  Giants or you know or worthless say this [TS]

  for steam 49ers jerseys are walking [TS]

  around and the RNA that delivers their [TS]

  fat like fuck in a giant official jersey [TS]

  and then they are there they know [TS]

  everybody in a first-name basis they [TS]

  talk about all of them so I mean the [TS]

  apartment not to eat Hodgins played here [TS]

  but i think this jock thing goes way [TS]

  beyond victory on the field and I wonder [TS]

  if a lot of those people who want you to [TS]

  shower down to get an A [TS]

  we're not like the quarterback I feel [TS]

  like you're I feel like you're feeling [TS]

  that job shouldn't be fat is the same as [TS]

  my feeling that Christians should smoke [TS]

  pot oh let me think about that there are [TS]

  a lot of fat jocks yeah yeah but i'm not [TS]

  talking about i'm not like i'm talking [TS]

  about coming by it honestly but I'm [TS]

  talking about like the Association you [TS]

  know it's kind of like kind of like [TS]

  girls who like when a dress up like [TS]

  people they've seen us magazine and then [TS]

  talk like people on TV you know that [TS]

  have been like like inherently wrong [TS]

  with that i guess but it's it's no [TS]

  different really than like the [TS]

  management the bad management of a [TS]

  company hiring more people who are like [TS]

  them like it's this self-replicating [TS]

  pattern of willful dumb fuckery that [TS]

  makes me lose my mind anyway I [TS]

  understand coaches and the shorts [TS]

  they had always had to find jobs that [TS]

  are high school I think we might have [TS]

  mentioned this once but I had my high [TS]

  school we talked by talking about this [TS]

  on the mr. Finelli episode but remember [TS]

  my high school they had to come up with [TS]

  some heat with phony baloney jobs for [TS]

  all the coaches i'm sure they're all [TS]

  history teachers are social studies [TS]

  teachers well I mean in some cases yes [TS]

  the drivers at teacher was no one here [TS]

  is the text history as a as a pursuit [TS]

  and give them a coach because the coach [TS]

  is always the history teacher and he's [TS]

  always like that uh through French [TS]

  Revolution when the soccer coach taught [TS]

  taught in school suspension sounds like [TS]

  about those a class you guys okay this [TS]

  is officially a faculty member because [TS]

  he sat in a silent room for six hours [TS]

  today watching people who got in a fight [TS]

  is it called it you must have been a [TS]

  real you must well he was a soccer coach [TS]

  was gonna say what a what a Buddhist but [TS]

  you don't look like somebody who looks a [TS]

  lot like somebody who would like listen [TS]

  to Peter Frampton and follow lady to her [TS]

  car not getting a good way to get a [TS]

  little close to home there buddy [TS]

  which pocket can i get your big Frampton [TS]

  fan i'm not i know i know i know you [TS]

  know the first time I ever heard [TS]

  Frampton turns uh comes alive [TS]

  that's what started the trick returns [TS]

  alive was also the first time i ever saw [TS]

  somebody like a fart it's true i was [TS]

  over at this kids house and he had big [TS]

  brothers and they were playing comes [TS]

  alive and they're like want to see [TS]

  something cool [TS]

  ok hopefully a little okay don't get [TS]

  down like i do one of these of the goal [TS]

  and let his part [TS]

  mm that's living that's right learn the [TS]

  a major seventh chord i'm not sure i [TS]

  still know it [TS]

  oh it's like it's like an able to drop [TS]

  the middle one [TS]

  oh right oh yeah great for it's a great [TS]

  core it's the official court of the [TS]

  nineteen seventies and even you if you [TS]

  play pretty much anything as a as a [TS]

  major 7th you I it invokes the seventies [TS]

  right all right [TS]

  well i'm going to give that a try since [TS]

  we're soon as I i lose you today [TS]

  yeah I like it was just out of reach [TS]

  lucky you [TS]

  so we got to see them that should be the [TS]

  name of my autobiography my guitars just [TS]

  out of reach the buyer for the last [TS]

  seven years finished up it's on my good [TS]

  friend will Johnson of the band centrum [TS]

  attic last night and he has i have no [TS]

  doubt has put out 12 albums since the [TS]

  last long winters record i can be so [TS]

  fucking annoying and then you have to [TS]

  talk to him when you know he's your [TS]

  friend and you like him but is there [TS]

  some part of you that wants to be [TS]

  wetting the bed while the the problem is [TS]

  that he and Davis on my wrist and around [TS]

  in a circle and Davis on you know place [TS]

  200 road shows a year and will probably [TS]

  you know does close to that or or a [TS]

  wilson 10 bands and puts out for records [TS]

  a year and we're all talking shop but [TS]

  there was a time 10 years ago when we [TS]

  would be standing around talking shop [TS]

  and we all had it we all had very [TS]

  duplicatable experiences you know we [TS]

  were doing the same thing and now we're [TS]

  stand around and they're like yeah so [TS]

  anyway you know that you know you know [TS]

  Jimmy's Chicken Shack down in Las [TS]

  Colello Florida oh yeah I hit that place [TS]

  or whatever and I'm standing there like [TS]

  hey I've given some keynote speeches [TS]

  about for you guys [TS]

  ah well what about those keynotes right [TS]

  am i right [TS]

  hey got a new keyboard hurt yeah and [TS]

  they're like huh anyway [TS]

  no just your you're just preceding that [TS]

  I know you're doing it for comedic [TS]

  effect here I'm sure but you're just [TS]

  preceding that I I even if you are being [TS]

  honest i think you you're kidding right [TS]

  well a little bit i mean but but there [TS]

  is that thing of like why don't you know [TS]

  we look at each other it's like oh man [TS]

  we used to play so many shows together [TS]

  we played any shows lately and then [TS]

  there's there's silence you have a chem [TS]

  trails and then it's like all right it's [TS]

  me i'm the reason we haven't played any [TS]

  shows chair of the consummate god dammit [TS]

  John fucking Roderick you've evolved [TS]

  yeah you're sitting around like why am i [TS]

  not throw my monkey bone in the air and [TS]

  having it turn into a spaceship and I'm [TS]

  telling you you are the spaceship you [TS]

  come you're how i gave my first [TS]

  powerpoint presentation yesterday [TS]

  oh shit really yeah I didn't do it be [TS]

  pitching vc's know i was at EMP the [TS]

  experience music project is definitely [TS]

  have a deck on my honey's van it was it [TS]

  was called it was that's the pop [TS]

  conference where intellectuals and uh [TS]

  and journalists journalists get together [TS]

  to talk about pop music as though it is [TS]

  a serious academic discipline chair [TS]

  which kind of you neither [TS]

  ok but i was there to talk about [TS]

  weathering the storm the fallout of my [TS]

  punk rock article so they wanted me they [TS]

  wanted me to have a PowerPoint [TS]

  presentation to go along with my speed [TS]

  shit and I was like I don't know [TS]

  anything about that and they were like [TS]

  how it's easy and they sent me a bunch [TS]

  of templates in emails that i didn't [TS]

  open it send the judge the day before [TS]

  the day before I was giving the talk was [TS]

  like oh right [TS]

  powerpoint thing so I there's a gal that [TS]

  works over at the grammy Oh awards where [TS]

  i'm also on the board and so I sent an [TS]

  email and I was like will you [TS]

  you know about powerpoints and she was [TS]

  like and I said we make me a powerpoint [TS]

  and she said for what I said I'm giving [TS]

  this speech she said I know but I mean [TS]

  what do you want me to like we should [TS]

  get together and talk about this [TS]

  PowerPoint thing and i said no i don't [TS]

  need to see it just the best i'll be [TS]

  like being called thinking can make me a [TS]

  song [TS]

  yeah basically that I'm and I was like [TS]

  just make me a powerpoint demonstration [TS]

  that's X number of minutes long that has [TS]

  pictures of punk rockers and punk rock [TS]

  and she was like well yeah I mean I [TS]

  didn't really like your article very [TS]

  much and I was like perfect [TS]

  so I got up and I gave this speech with [TS]

  a powerpoint demonstration going behind [TS]

  me where the slides were programmed to [TS]

  change every 15 seconds and i had never [TS]

  seen it before and I still haven't seen [TS]

  that you're kidding [TS]

  because i wasn't looking at what that's [TS]

  my bed waiting right there that is that [TS]

  is a terrifying idea enemy and the only [TS]

  the only advice I gave her was at the [TS]

  but i would like the last slide the one [TS]

  that's that hangs up there because of [TS]

  that inevitably i will go over my lot of [TS]

  time so the last light is just going to [TS]

  sit there all afternoon while I keep [TS]

  talking i wanted to say fuck you that [TS]

  she did it but she will she took time [TS]

  out of her day to do that for you [TS]

  yeah so i gave this PowerPoint [TS]

  demonstration we're all these pictures [TS]

  of sitting Nancy or whatever we're [TS]

  flashing behind the screen tells got a [TS]

  horrible powerpoint it was terrible and [TS]

  then at the end I mean it was great [TS]

  because it was terrible because i was i [TS]

  was talking about depends i wasn't [TS]

  defending I didn't defend my mom can you [TS]

  just have somebody with sink stoppers in [TS]

  their areas like slowly flip through an [TS]

  enemy or like a maximum R&R while you're [TS]

  up and basically what it was that's [TS]

  basically it's like just get a barista [TS]

  and overhead protect ya that's [TS]

  essentially what it was but then the [TS]

  last slide said fuck you and I have been [TS]

  for the last 15 minutes i just talked [TS]

  over the slides and fuck you have you [TS]

  practiced it and you're like rehearsed [TS]

  it with time and everything [TS]

  oh no no no I improvised it because as I [TS]

  say I gave no thought to it until I [TS]

  arrived but you understand you [TS]

  understand my mind my questions [TS]

  it's that thatthat's wow how was the [TS]

  reception was uh yet you know i like to [TS]

  give impromptu speeches who and [TS]

  generally the response is good because [TS]

  some people people Larkin you're in [TS]

  you're very entertaining and I haven't [TS]

  done a lot of public speaking but i but [TS]

  i will just say that I think slides John [TS]

  i heard this a long time ago and I kind [TS]

  of don't want to say it to you because I [TS]

  I don't want to lose this awesome [TS]

  analogy that I have to mention is not [TS]

  correct [TS]

  but I've heard it said that the only [TS]

  people who really need polls when they [TS]

  ski are beginners and experts that the [TS]

  typical moderate level skier doesn't [TS]

  really need the polls to ski interesting [TS]

  yeah I don't think you need poles to ski [TS]

  I don't mean even an expert doesn't a [TS]

  beginner really doesn't either but okay [TS]

  stop right there [TS]

  good thing I don't ruin it ok no just [TS]

  just cause it's so good anyway you take [TS]

  the analogy in you know writ large right [TS]

  to me that's that slides you know you [TS]

  you you know when you are up there and [TS]

  you're nervous you don't know what [TS]

  you're saying I don't mean to talk about [TS]

  my actual job that I have but when [TS]

  people do that would make it up there [TS]

  they're making the classic mistakes [TS]

  they've got a bunch of bullshit slides [TS]

  with tiny tiny letters on it and they're [TS]

  doing the rookie mistake of reading off [TS]

  the slides right into me like when you [TS]

  get really good you come up with the [TS]

  super polished that to me I knew my [TS]

  slides got better when they didn't make [TS]

  any sense on their own sure and like it [TS]

  is to really frustrate me when people [TS]

  first of all demand slides and I would [TS]

  wish I had your last slide to send them [TS]

  because I would be like you know it's [TS]

  well yeah okay some your deck like what [TS]

  you want my deck only want to put in the [TS]

  binder we were planning on putting the [TS]

  vine binder is something people but [TS]

  that's what people i mean i'd get 100 [TS]

  yeah but maybe that's what they do with [TS]

  these things you go oh and you see [TS]

  someone get me started that somebody [TS]

  could sit and just open the binder [TS]

  before the thing even starts read [TS]

  through all the slides yes and then [TS]

  there are done and then a person gets up [TS]

  and reads the slides allowed um it could [TS]

  be but let's say you've got the greatest [TS]

  talk in the world think about this how [TS]

  about this how about how about you're [TS]

  about to go and I don't have an example [TS]

  where you would go somewhere prestigious [TS]

  22 like CS three-song set but imagine [TS]

  that you went up to do your three best [TS]

  songs and right before you went out they [TS]

  handed out the lyrics to all the songs [TS]

  to the audience stapled together along [TS]

  with maybe a biography now if you're the [TS]

  typical person in that audience what are [TS]

  you going to be doing well somebody [TS]

  that you've never heard is performing a [TS]

  song at all the following along yeah [TS]

  thatthat's you'll be reading the lyrics [TS]

  but you'll be you'll be flipping through [TS]

  looking at all this and it's like having [TS]

  somebody the fucking script for the [TS]

  godfather to like right before the movie [TS]

  roles good guy you know before you go [TS]

  into this building will give you the [TS]

  blueprint [TS]

  well that's not the thing I gotta hate [TS]

  selling diva about this but like it too [TS]

  but and that's why to me it's so funny i [TS]

  would send people as well fine here you [TS]

  go here's my slides have fun and it [TS]

  would be likely no sense at all they're [TS]

  just know there's one that's a picture [TS]

  of a cardboard box there's another one [TS]

  that's a douchebag making to Devil's [TS]

  horns invites his lower lip and that's [TS]

  it you know have fun here's 20 flights [TS]

  are you up [TS]

  how's that working out love it yeah so I [TS]

  mean that's that's the problem [TS]

  this is like I've said several podcast [TS]

  about this how crazy making it is to me [TS]

  that and like I don't know there's [TS]

  there's probably this is probably [TS]

  actually emblematic of a lot of cultures [TS]

  where there's this shittiness of [TS]

  presentation culture that is so deeply [TS]

  ingrained in not only the people who [TS]

  give the talks and not really even need [TS]

  the people who have to suffer the talks [TS]

  but in the people who put on the tox em [TS]

  right and so I've been places where I'm [TS]

  expected to stand somewhere I didn't [TS]

  talk a year or two ago where and you [TS]

  know I when i trihard my slides are [TS]

  pretty good but I was at a place where I [TS]

  was expected to first hand them a PDF [TS]

  because they couldn't handle having like [TS]

  you know a keynote file with all the [TS]

  bills and stuff so I'm going to a PDF [TS]

  and then I had a remote right to change [TS]

  the slide [TS]

  except that remote actually send a [TS]

  signal to someone that turn on a light [TS]

  to let this guy in another room no to [TS]

  advance the slide [TS]

  whoa so so imagine that you had cards [TS]

  that you would hold up to let someone [TS]

  know which chords to fret [TS]

  wow that's how i felt and so I said sure [TS]

  I did what I end up doing about eighty [TS]

  percent of time which is I want you know [TS]

  what this Lots right because because you [TS]

  know you can do it right or don't do [TS]

  this is really boring but I i think it's [TS]

  AII but you know it does get to [TS]

  something that was driving me crazy [TS]

  which is like but the shittiness of a [TS]

  culture becomes you have these ruts like [TS]

  truly arrived [TS]

  like if you imagine wagons going down a [TS]

  road pretty much get 50 wagons going on [TS]

  a road there's gonna be some pretty deep [TS]

  ruts that those wheels create and it's [TS]

  going to be really hard to not have your [TS]

  wagon go into this and that's exactly [TS]

  what it is n times interesting to use a [TS]

  wagon as a rep producer but this we were [TS]

  talking about skiing earlier and it [TS]

  seems like skiing would be the way that [TS]

  you got to the cut to the right [TS]

  description i'm going to explain rest of [TS]

  my daughter two days ago with what we [TS]

  scoot together with soot and I was [TS]

  telling her about rats [TS]

  yeah rights are rights are a major [TS]

  features like you're a teachable moment [TS]

  like i can't i could talk for five [TS]

  minutes about ruts but they don't really [TS]

  become clear until you experience them [TS]

  you sure especially if you're going over [TS]

  ruts the wrong way oh yeah you like a [TS]

  lady and high heels [TS]

  yeah well this is a thing there's a [TS]

  thing on it on a wagon ruts it's not [TS]

  like you're gonna it's not like you want [TS]

  to take a different line on your way to [TS]

  oregon right here wagon ruts you're [TS]

  going to get into ruts you're going to [TS]

  go but in skiing ruts getting ruts get [TS]

  dug in and then you want to go a [TS]

  different way but they're these ruts in [TS]

  the way Barry and I could go on Ron I am [TS]

  wish avoid the Holocaust this is a [TS]

  documentary on Hollywood's treatment of [TS]

  primarily the Holocaust but also a [TS]

  little bit of pre-war stuff and they [TS]

  talked about you know this one scene in [TS]

  Sophie's Choice where Meryl Streep is [TS]

  doing this [TS]

  really aww she's very she's walking [TS]

  across the camp is it is what's right [TS]

  I never saw circuit now is it a [TS]

  holocaust movie I once thought it was [TS]

  about horses [TS]

  it totally sounds like a horse movie so [TS]

  these choices about horses and she's as [TS]

  credits on this dialogue thought it was [TS]

  like National Velvet shower and you [TS]

  actually turns out my friend flicka was [TS]

  about the state land but I didn't see [TS]

  that movie there anyway but she's got [TS]

  this really peculiar gate [TS]

  she's walking very very strange that [TS]

  basically in the middle of this federal [TS]

  street or or illustrate your brown horse [TS]

  I shouldn't said gate sorry my bad but [TS]

  on in her character is you know of [TS]

  course she's very ill and she [TS]

  walking across the ground meat you know [TS]

  being kind of let along by this you know [TS]

  one of those me now shirts ladies and [TS]

  and she has very odd like a it's a very [TS]

  memorable when you see it but this very [TS]

  strange like kind of swaying like almost [TS]

  like she's about to fall over kind of [TS]

  drunken master sort of way of walking [TS]

  and they hired people and consultants [TS]

  because they really wanted to get every [TS]

  you know detail day they could write and [TS]

  she wasn't doing that simply because she [TS]

  was malnourished she was doing that [TS]

  because there's like several inches of [TS]

  mud in the camp and you would make every [TS]

  attempt that you could follow the [TS]

  footsteps of other people in the mud so [TS]

  that you wouldn't get bogged down or or [TS]

  fall down in the mud right it's like [TS]

  it's like snow also watched three movies [TS]

  about anti-semitic propaganda the other [TS]

  name that we're not about the they were [TS]

  not also about the Holocaust I guess [TS]

  given that one was made by Hitler who is [TS]

  the is the dribbler Hitler and Hitler [TS]

  was the propagation of similar similar [TS]

  that mr. filter welcome to give any [TS]

  therapist howard county and the internet [TS]

  money fight on are off-limits but anyway [TS]

  uh so that's why people walk that way at [TS]

  Auschwitz right all the brothers ideas [TS]

  that actually to document you know what [TS]

  nevermind [TS]

  yeah you know I i was feeling the other [TS]

  day that you know when we talk about [TS]

  Semites it's all the people of Arabia [TS]

  and the Levant all of the Arabs are also [TS]

  Semitic people poop right we we never [TS]

  stay but anti-semite only refers to Jews [TS]

  well oh ok.what while I take a minute to [TS]

  look up a Twitter to you had yesterday [TS]

  tell me what that means by semi-tight [TS]

  i'm not familiar [TS]

  I thought Semitic meant Jewish [TS]

  no Semitic is a description of a [TS]

  language group the Semitic no shit [TS]

  yeah our arabic and Aramaic i am a total [TS]

  pike right i mean work ping-pong have a [TS]

  piker as a as a Holocaust scholar i [TS]

  could not know that [TS]

  yeah and Hebrew all these are a language [TS]

  group that are one of the endo Sam sem [TS]

  but right here you go from the Latin you [TS]

  know you digging in [TS]

  oh fuck so all of those people are [TS]

  called Semites as a because because they [TS]

  all share a common language group and [TS]

  then I think anti-semite only became a [TS]

  only became more of a targeted reference [TS]

  to Jews in the in the 19th century um [TS]

  during that whole period sort of mid [TS]

  eighteen hundreds when the Germans were [TS]

  really really wrestling with how how to [TS]

  integrate to choose into their culture [TS]

  that they decided not to [TS]

  spoiler alert but so Arabs are Semitic [TS]

  people also and all of this anti-arab [TS]

  talk in America that we have been [TS]

  soaking in for the last and I'm sorry [TS]

  that Arab Arab or Muslim well era [TS]

  because this gets me back to your toot [TS]

  what did I say in my 2 i'm sorry i'm [TS]

  double interrupting you don't remember [TS]

  all this that happened after 9-11 was [TS]

  like sikhs were being beat up right i [TS]

  mean there's this entire Venn diagram of [TS]

  confusion about who we were supposed to [TS]

  be mad at sure anybody with the turban [TS]

  but of course seeks couldn't be further [TS]

  like what like indian and pakistani guys [TS]

  like it and hassle to I mean it got [TS]

  pretty bananas for a while right well [TS]

  pakistani guys might have had it coming [TS]

  but indian guys not so much huh [TS]

  even even though it's a kind of bullying [TS]

  clairvoyance even though Indians and [TS]

  Pakistanis are very similar racially [TS]

  they have very different religions [TS]

  could be so could you eyeball a [TS]

  Pakistani vs Indian well but there are [TS]

  like seven hundred different racial [TS]

  groups in India you should be in the [TS]

  fucking cabinet John nine hours ago John [TS]

  erotic remember that a Chechen is not a [TS]

  check i actually ever ever read your [TS]

  Twitter sometimes remember that it's [TS]

  Chechen is not a check [TS]

  norwich ethnic normal avian in Moldavia [TS]

  and / moldovan or a Mon Rodian Nora [TS]

  Roman Roma or romanian right and as with [TS]

  me if I may say I can't believe you fit [TS]

  that many fucking letters into a two-up [TS]

  but you testify thinking that satisfy [TS]

  your exemplifying like a an unbelievable [TS]

  error that will make including me right [TS]

  you know well yeah so just so there's no [TS]

  Chechnya [TS]

  oh I don't have to show ya [TS]

  instead I should tell you John there is [TS]

  one way in which i am so and it's really [TS]

  hard can be hard to believe there's one [TS]

  way in which i am I don't even own a TV [TS]

  guy which is about the news right and i [TS]

  am that guy first of all in the way that [TS]

  like I actually don't follow the news [TS]

  but i'm also that guy in constantly [TS]

  letting you know that I don't follow the [TS]

  news so I have I i literally go out of [TS]

  my way if you could see my filling my [TS]

  filter file on tweek pot actually slows [TS]

  my computer down 10 it there's no way [TS]

  you can you can't prove a negative and [TS]

  there's no way you could begin to [TS]

  visualize how many things i never see [TS]

  anywhere but so Chechnya is part of the [TS]

  actual capital R Russia well so that [TS]

  area so we're about these countries and [TS]

  after hearing about these countries in [TS]

  the news all the time [TS]

  Armenia Azerbaijan Georgia [TS]

  right those are those are areas where [TS]

  the Russians have been fighting wars for [TS]

  a long time because they are these [TS]

  untamed areas between the Black Sea and [TS]

  the Caspian Sea at the very south end of [TS]

  what we think of as Russia but it isn't [TS]

  Russia really at all they are the they [TS]

  are the people there are a lot of them [TS]

  are Muslims they're there they're [TS]

  related to like Persians and Turks and [TS]

  they were conquered by the Russians back [TS]

  in the day multiple different times in [TS]

  ways but they live up in the mountains [TS]

  they are Caucasian people because those [TS]

  are literally the caucus snare Isis [TS]

  mountainous but the they are not they [TS]

  are not ethnically russian they are they [TS]

  are very much like descendants of [TS]

  genghis khan and and they are mad and [TS]

  Chechnya is this weird little landlocked [TS]

  mountain readout up there that doesn't [TS]

  want to be in Russia anymore it's not [TS]

  really a self-sustaining place [TS]

  surrounded by Russians and mountains and [TS]

  it's ruled by an autocratic dictator who [TS]

  thinks that he is god like a lot of [TS]

  those places you talk about Turkmenistan [TS]

  well turkmenistan has it bad check ice [TS]

  crossing turkey that guy's amazing [TS]

  administration whose becca Stan and [TS]

  Kazakh Stan and Tajikistan are all on [TS]

  the other side of the Caspian Sea and [TS]

  they're much more like steps you know [TS]

  they're much more like horse horse [TS]

  people those are the horse-riding people [TS]

  the long 15 us that name all the months [TS]

  after himself [TS]

  yeah he's built that he's built a couple [TS]

  of Brazilians like big towns out in the [TS]

  middle of nowhere that are littered full [TS]

  of pyramids and globes giant gold gold [TS]

  globes [TS]

  but so that area is very interesting now [TS]

  more Arabia is is a half of the Czech [TS]

  Republic so the czech republic is made [TS]

  up of bohemia and moravia which are two [TS]

  regions that we don't think of their out [TS]

  separate countries and never were but [TS]

  they are two kingdoms i guess and the [TS]

  Bohemians and the meridians feel [TS]

  differently about each other they're [TS]

  United in a kind of contempt for the [TS]

  Slovakian now moldova used to be part of [TS]

  Romania and they speak Romanian but it [TS]

  was absorbed into be Ukraine and so [TS]

  became my god John it's like they're [TS]

  trying to fuck with us they change the [TS]

  alphabet of the Romanian language into [TS]

  cyrillic so the Moldovan 'he's which [TS]

  that country also before it was called [TS]

  moldova it was called Mordovia but had [TS]

  that region is now a separate country [TS]

  where they speak Romanian but they but [TS]

  they spell it with russian letters and [TS]

  so all of these places are probably [TS]

  going to erupt in war and everyone will [TS]

  be sent to camps i am yeah you hear more [TS]

  about there's a anti-semitic sorry aunty [TS]

  she the anti-gm movies now now you don't [TS]

  yet but i mean like the one you still [TS]

  see today that's a pretty funny so [TS]

  Georgia I mean setting aside the white [TS]

  album and who my mind the my daughter [TS]

  loves that song how cool is that she's [TS]

  here now repeat your daughter is cool to [TS]

  turn into that's gets are you know about [TS]

  the importance of happiness is a warm [TS]

  gun aware of how important that song is [TS]

  to you personally or to the world to the [TS]

  Beatles [TS]

  it was the last song they had fun making [TS]

  really yeah you know like we talked [TS]

  before about that does outtakes from and [TS]

  your bird can sing you can hear how high [TS]

  they were and like they're laughing I [TS]

  mean they're super duper high right [TS]

  there soon want to say I don't sound [TS]

  public broadcast sure the sea [TS]

  hey might still have you it's fun it's [TS]

  really done that's gonna happen camera [TS]

  and his podcast has a bullet when I [TS]

  could have the doctor and they put the [TS]

  piece of paper in front of me ever done [TS]

  any drugs or smoke cigarettes and I'm [TS]

  like no way haha I'm not telling you [TS]

  buddy [TS]

  if you find out if you find an [TS]

  undifferentiated mass in my lung [TS]

  we're both going to wonder where it came [TS]

  from it's asparagus [TS]

  ok forget about 17 my friend I have a [TS]

  good friend who had had a really really [TS]

  bad traumatic injury to his hand me [TS]

  heartless years we'll be able to figure [TS]

  out who this is and that he went to the [TS]

  doctor because I mean basically you know [TS]

  he liked s7 and nerve and he had to go [TS]

  through all this like it's a big deal [TS]

  and and where they went to the doctor [TS]

  of course like they do they ask you you [TS]

  know d take ibuprofen I do you smoke [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  like do you do you do in SD drink right [TS]

  and of course you know like me I think [TS]

  he paused he paused and then I mean [TS]

  continuously if you fucking if you're if [TS]

  you're like a anderson nurse but if you [TS]

  are the information taker at that [TS]

  facility you [TS]

  I mean you know what you can get good at [TS]

  something in a day if you do it often [TS]

  enough it was you do that 10 times in [TS]

  one day I bet within a week you are [TS]

  going to be like fucking Kreskin at [TS]

  knowing whether somebody drinks a lot or [TS]

  whether someone lies a lot for that [TS]

  price right absolutely but they never [TS]

  let on [TS]

  I mean so here's here's some here's some [TS]

  possible answers to that [TS]

  also here's the thing and this is such [TS]

  great hack [TS]

  don't ask you drink they ask you how [TS]

  many drinks do you have [TS]

  week it's the first of all you gotta do [TS]

  math if you're trying to be honest [TS]

  yeah but you know you could say I don't [TS]

  drink anymore which is a good lie or it [TS]

  could be four times a week or you say [TS]

  your senior couple weekends because it's [TS]

  not a binge drinker right and so my [TS]

  friend said that the real rookie thing [TS]

  which is that he has a couple drinks a [TS]

  day [TS]

  ok so that's the like he's starting to a [TS]

  college is exactly what i would say [TS]

  which really means i have about three or [TS]

  four times that much right [TS]

  couple of drinks and his wife it was [TS]

  also his wife is awesome [TS]

  it was all she could do not to like [TS]

  knock him onto the floor [TS]

  she said listen when you go in and you [TS]

  talk to anyone whether it's a doctor or [TS]

  anyone and they ask you how much you [TS]

  drink you don't you tell them i only [TS]

  drink socially which is such a great [TS]

  answer because it doesn't really it [TS]

  doesn't really answer the question all [TS]

  but that's such a that's a RK cancer [TS]

  that's a Mad Men answer i'll get drink [TS]

  socially it sounds like denial [TS]

  it sounds likes it sounds like something [TS]

  that you heard your father say many [TS]

  times or heard sounds like something you [TS]

  heard your mother say to your father [TS]

  about this that the the nurse and the [TS]

  next ron says how many things do you [TS]

  have a week and you say to you think [TS]

  you're better than me haha [TS]

  it's pretty ghetto that's actually a [TS]

  good one word god fucking hour and a [TS]

  half [TS]

  [Music] [TS]