Roderick on the Line

Ep. 80: "I Was the Red Robin"


  hi John how's it going good it's going [TS]

  to say why that's funny [TS]

  mm-hmm I thought of course you can [TS]

  yeah i think that we I think that we [TS]

  should reference yesterday multiple [TS]

  times but no no I just died bloop to you [TS]

  on skype as a joke because i was you [TS]

  know I've been remarked about how you [TS]

  can clear your throat at the top of the [TS]

  episode as you say so i think my exact [TS]

  quote was clear throat before we go [TS]

  uh-oh i saved it for you don't want to [TS]

  hear all the little rabbit babies that I [TS]

  was keeping in my chief what's that from [TS]

  this disease came up with that guy you [TS]

  should write songs are good ones you [TS]

  well whichever dinning well it's a good [TS]

  question i thank you i'm still wandering [TS]

  around in a kind of the good carbonless [TS]

  days and I was sitting here at my house [TS]

  and I was just like I don't I don't I [TS]

  can't imagine another meat entree that [TS]

  that is it going to just make me despair [TS]

  like all i want all i wanted spaghetti [TS]

  with cookies on it [TS]

  god I've never thought of that until you [TS]

  just said it and that sounds so good [TS]

  does it's a writ would be a real [TS]

  carbo-load but then I looked in the [TS]

  refrigerator and I realized that I had [TS]

  made a stew a carbonless too and i had [TS]

  also roasted a beef o like a rib roast [TS]

  like a roast I had made a roast beef ooh [TS]

  that sounds delicious [TS]

  it does and it is but I don't have a [TS]

  meat slicer and I realized that at least [TS]

  half of the enjoyment i get out of roast [TS]

  beef is out of the the the thinness of [TS]

  the slices of the beef is [TS]

  is that right now yeah it was it was [TS]

  like a rib roast or what kind of a roast [TS]

  did you make it was a couple of sirloin [TS]

  roast it was like permit no no it was a [TS]

  it was a bit of beef the beef but me to [TS]

  give you the beef idea i'm just trying [TS]

  to figure out which so you like a thin [TS]

  cut you like a traditional roast beef [TS]

  then slice [TS]

  yeah rare rare cook and very thinly [TS]

  sliced and then of course on a on a [TS]

  fresh french roll but i can't have that [TS]

  see that's how they get you [TS]

  yes so delicious yeah so I do i ate the [TS]

  rest of the Stu I'm feelin better [TS]

  I'm feeling less like a like a like [TS]

  diving into a swimming pool size [TS]

  strawberry shortcake [TS]

  I'm just I'm just getting by you know it [TS]

  is not it's not torment at all it's just [TS]

  a constant feeling of being of not [TS]

  knowing what's not not going how to live [TS]

  because if it's because of this this [TS]

  this bizarre simulacrum of a life that [TS]

  you've been living all these years I've [TS]

  been I've been I've been hopping from [TS]

  from shortcake to shortcake like a frog [TS]

  or some afraid to and now now I'm this [TS]

  person who's like I can eat any any meat [TS]

  i want and it's I'm it's all delicious [TS]

  and after after a weekend like meat is [TS]

  the most boring food isn't it see it's [TS]

  just the way it's like having a steady [TS]

  girlfriend I I don't know this is useful [TS]

  at all [TS]

  you've probably already discovered that [TS]

  you might be repeating what you just [TS]

  said that when I was struggling to make [TS]

  the no starchy stuff thing work [TS]

  I discovered that the the worst part was [TS]

  before we eat the actual meat that's [TS]

  what I feel the meat fatigue but if I [TS]

  force myself to eat something protein [TS]

  like you say that the shortcake train [TS]

  desire would abate a little bit goes [TS]

  away and what's funny is you really tell [TS]

  what's in your head [TS]

  I want to go somebody said to me why [TS]

  don't you just take a celery stick and [TS]

  and dip it in a peanut butter jar and I [TS]

  was like well for one I'm not for at the [TS]

  daycare center and 42 and I literally [TS]

  have not eaten nothing like that since [TS]

  1973 and I'd and I i cannot think of a [TS]

  thing less appetizing you should be ants [TS]

  on a log [TS]

  you didn't because raisins on let's not [TS]

  let's not talk about nom nom nom nom [TS]

  but uh but yesterday I'm walking around [TS]

  I'm just like celery with peanut butter [TS]

  on it that sounds so delicious like it [TS]

  is it's only taken a week and already I [TS]

  think of vegetables in a different way [TS]

  like oh I get me some vegetables like [TS]

  that will at least the philly up they [TS]

  were long they dress up your dumb dead [TS]

  uh you're dead shoe-leather whatever [TS]

  thing you do is you feel a little fruity [TS]

  they're like I know in my heart that [TS]

  like I really like he say espera goose [TS]

  and I love asparagus I like broccoli i [TS]

  love spinach like sautéed with you know [TS]

  cloves of garlic so good huh [TS]

  but when I think that we're finally [TS]

  doing a cooking implements hi welcome to [TS]

  the non switch on a number of it is I [TS]

  date below [TS]

  here's the thing i know you but you know [TS]

  what super boring but i want but i [TS]

  always say is this is a mistake to see [TS]

  one have things [TS]

  yeah what is that that in my head so I [TS]

  got me and we'll talk more about me [TS]

  because my family is away and I i I've [TS]

  been eating nothing but meat and but i [TS]

  think the missile [TS]

  hmm i should go make some asparagus and [TS]

  I could spike it put a little spritz of [TS]

  lemon on it and I feel like such a fruit [TS]

  when that goes through my head but I [TS]

  think it's delicious and I eat it I [TS]

  friends only thing [TS]

  well it'sit's I absolutely feel you I [TS]

  friend of mine was in town I had not [TS]

  seen him in many many years he and his [TS]

  family live in st. Petersburg Russia and [TS]

  they were passing through seattle and [TS]

  they said we're gonna be here long [TS]

  enough to get dinner let's all meet for [TS]

  dinner and I said well absolutely where [TS]

  should we eat and they were unified in [TS]

  wanting to eat at the Red Robin because [TS]

  really there because they're going back [TS]

  to Russia they're going to be in Russia [TS]

  for another year and red robin was the [TS]

  American style like like a had bonsai [TS]

  hamburger with a pineapple ring on it [TS]

  and a strawberry milkshake sounded like [TS]

  like a-- me know that was their dream [TS]

  right you're not you can get a lot of [TS]

  things in st. Petersburg but i'm [TS]

  guessing you can't get nachos with like [TS]

  strawberry completely probably get a [TS]

  rocket launcher faster than you get a [TS]

  pint [TS]

  berger guessing right right so we all go [TS]

  to we all go to red robin and I you know [TS]

  I used to work at the Red Robin I was [TS]

  the red robin it's not right [TS]

  I ever tell you the story when you have [TS]

  not heard how you became the red robin [TS]

  it was one of my earliest jobs i was 17 [TS]

  years old i read that man i was a busboy [TS]

  at the Red Robin in Anchorage and they [TS]

  didn't you know they didn't trust me to [TS]

  be a waiter they didn't think I had the [TS]

  maturity but they but I was running [TS]

  around bussing tables and one day I was [TS]

  in the back storeroom and you know back [TS]

  there behind all the boxes of Dixie Cups [TS]

  hanging on a hook is this you know ical [TS]

  came around the corner and was like oh [TS]

  and here's this life-size red robin [TS]

  costume hanging on a hook like dead [TS]

  lifeless how long have you been there [TS]

  before you realize this [TS]

  well there was a it was like a back [TS]

  storeroom that kind of never got used [TS]

  and I was there I was working there a [TS]

  couple of months you know before I went [TS]

  around and saw this and I was sent into [TS]

  that room you have a key [TS]

  ok sent into it to find something some [TS]

  cash register item and here's this red [TS]

  robin and it looked exactly like hanging [TS]

  on the hook it looked exactly like the [TS]

  alec baldwin chicken face in beetlejuice [TS]

  like you know like it reached in and [TS]

  pull this nose out and and had fingers [TS]

  for eyeballs and I was like startled and [TS]

  scared and though i mentioned it to the [TS]

  manager and he was like oh yeah you know [TS]

  usually well for a long time we had [TS]

  somebody being the red robin but you [TS]

  know you have to be you have to be big [TS]

  and like to dance and blackjack and she [TS]

  was like Hello big like to dance love [TS]

  kids and he was like you want to do that [TS]

  and I think you like I says look at [TS]

  snazzy outfit so I so I run back through [TS]

  the red robin costume on I go out into [TS]

  the light go out into the restaurant and [TS]

  I don't know if you read the studies [TS]

  recently but it has its been discovered [TS]

  by the guy that that provides sports [TS]

  mascots two people to sports teams in [TS]

  America that that's severely autistic [TS]

  people [TS]

  make the absolute best sports mascots [TS]

  look like a dickhead character [TS]

  yeah we have never heard that once [TS]

  they're inside i'm in the end these are [TS]

  people who are who are completely [TS]

  internal like like rainman level of [TS]

  autism they put on the costume and they [TS]

  become incredibly animated incredibly [TS]

  social gifted like like child hugging [TS]

  cartwheel turning Super mask on and then [TS]

  you take the math you take the costume [TS]

  off of them and they go back they they [TS]

  kind of just it's like it's almost a a [TS]

  they received on awakenings kind of [TS]

  situation so it was it was I had a [TS]

  similar experience I put on this costume [TS]

  I walked out into the restaurant where I [TS]

  had been working at toiling as a as a [TS]

  busboy love the lowest guy on the totem [TS]

  pole and suddenly I was the red robin [TS]

  and everyone in the restaurant wanted me [TS]

  to come over to their table and all the [TS]

  waiters were like you know stepping [TS]

  aside to let me pass and I never wanted [TS]

  to get out of this costume Marland I was [TS]

  I inhabited the character of the red [TS]

  robin who as you know is both a [TS]

  Mixmaster or a mixologist and also a [TS]

  burger master to two things at times I i [TS]

  I've only ever eaten a red robin but I [TS]

  pass by them and i'm just looking at the [TS]

  character appears to be a red bird and [TS]

  he's got a little bit kind of like a [TS]

  what like a beanie cap on he's got like [TS]

  a backwards when he's got a baseball cap [TS]

  I guess you probably shouldn't maybe 17 [TS]

  he's carrying a burger like bob's big [TS]

  boy he's got a big adorable yellow bird [TS]

  feet [TS]

  that's right and pencil beautiful blue [TS]

  eyes to those are you up to those who [TS]

  are listeners who are not in America it [TS]

  is a burger restaurant that was started [TS]

  in Seattle [TS]

  it's a chain restaurant they have the [TS]

  burger places all over the country and [TS]

  they their twin selling points were the [TS]

  this menu about rageous burgers [TS]

  outrageous burgers with outrageous [TS]

  toppings [TS]

  and then also a very fun bar component [TS]

  where master mixologist sand i believe [TS]

  the term mixologist was invented at [TS]

  redrock turns out it was I take it all [TS]

  back this looks this looks fantastic it [TS]

  says here it's America's you get gourmet [TS]

  burgers and spirits what a brilliant [TS]

  idea we had some time guess so mom and [TS]

  dad could go and get one of these liked [TS]

  all drinks that had 15 shots of liquor [TS]

  and it tasted like a banana and the kids [TS]

  could eat all you can eat seasoned fries [TS]

  and a and a giant burger covered with [TS]

  skills or whatever it is [TS]

  the kids want and they used to have all [TS]

  they had amazing food a mud pie not [TS]

  chose anyway so I was I had such a good [TS]

  time as the red robin i was such a [TS]

  success that they started to somebody [TS]

  got a truck and they would put me in the [TS]

  back of the truck and we would we drove [TS]

  to all the hospitals and i started [TS]

  visiting sick kids as the Red Robin will [TS]

  get a response did you get that was [TS]

  amazing you walk onto the ward and all [TS]

  the little little sick and hurt kids and [TS]

  they're so thrilled you know the hardest [TS]

  part I think the South boring did you [TS]

  celebrate come [TS]

  yeah mom and dad come visit for an hour [TS]

  or whatever but nobody's there it's just [TS]

  dull and here comes this giant freaky [TS]

  bird half of the kids had no idea what [TS]

  the connection was to the restaurant it [TS]

  was just like here's his giant Freebird [TS]

  and thinking about it now like we were [TS]

  doing this really roguelike it was this [TS]

  is one assistant manager and one of the [TS]

  waiters owned a truck and we're like I [TS]

  know let's go to hospitals can't imagine [TS]

  that happening today don't even think we [TS]

  call the head [TS]

  I think we just drove to hospitals [TS]

  walked in and the nurses at the in the [TS]

  ER were like oh hello [TS]

  let's go and like took us back to the [TS]

  days like 50 things about that that [TS]

  would never happen today right [TS]

  if John Roderick sighs Redbird walked [TS]

  into a hospital today there'll be so [TS]

  many questions you're going to get a [TS]

  black bag [TS]

  yeah but this was you know and and and [TS]

  the entire trip across Anchorage with me [TS]

  in the back [TS]

  this pickup truck I'd be waving at [TS]

  people with the harmonic mock I really [TS]

  felt like like queen for a day every [TS]

  time I put on this costume and it [TS]

  transformed so we started going to like [TS]

  state fair and and stuff like that where [TS]

  the red robin to eat you the manager [TS]

  didn't mind you doing this [TS]

  the manager loved it because first of [TS]

  all I was a not a very good busboy [TS]

  win-win [TS]

  and being that check it out of here that [TS]

  that summer like all of a sudden the red [TS]

  robin was literally everywhere in [TS]

  Anchorage like you could not get me out [TS]

  of that student and everytime everytime [TS]

  somebody open an envelope i was there [TS]

  the red robin costume like Hello [TS]

  and you know if it's a silent role so i [TS]

  wasn't i didn't say anything i was just [TS]

  bouncing and jumping and dancing [TS]

  I mean you know dancing to like [TS]

  schoolhouse rock or whatever it is that [TS]

  they play [TS]

  I mean it's probably nice i entirely [TS]

  different from the spectrum kids wear [TS]

  like you disappear into this character [TS]

  and it's not like the interesting thing [TS]

  about it is like everybody sees you as a [TS]

  big dancing bird but like all you see is [TS]

  the people's reaction which is not [TS]

  you're watching yourself on being one [TS]

  god what the fuck is wrong with me when [TS]

  i get a girlfriend like you you would [TS]

  you just see the delight he walked up [TS]

  and see the delight in people's eyes and [TS]

  do a little dance everybody in the world [TS]

  should do it should walk into a hospital [TS]

  ward of sick kids dressed as a giant [TS]

  bird which everybody should have that [TS]

  experience once because the looks of [TS]

  like pure joy and and and agile ation on [TS]

  these little faces where they're just [TS]

  like you came to see me and you know and [TS]

  i'm like hmmm and high five and big hug [TS]

  and it's just like oh you know I it was [TS]

  it was for as it wasn't my first job but [TS]

  as one of my first jobs [TS]

  it was a it was a hell of a revelation [TS]

  so I have a tremendous soft spot for red [TS]

  robin even as they have succumbed to [TS]

  cost-cutting measures such that i feel [TS]

  that their current Mudpie a shadow of [TS]

  its former self but the content [TS]

  same so Jake don't you hate to see that [TS]

  when a place you really love starts [TS]

  going downhill the old mud pies [TS]

  they literally opened a jar they opened [TS]

  like one of those two court glass jars [TS]

  of atoms peanut butter and just turned [TS]

  it upside down on this chocolate ice [TS]

  cream pie and it was like okay I'm I'm [TS]

  getting dizzy [TS]

  I need to sit down because this that [TS]

  just smelling this this ice cream cake [TS]

  pop back then you could do that no one [TS]

  would stop you [TS]

  oh no you did I mean it again seems like [TS]

  a different role in the one hand I can't [TS]

  believe that you didn't have to go to [TS]

  like six weeks of training and sign a [TS]

  bunch of insurance forms for you put on [TS]

  the suit but at the same time I think [TS]

  about like my tenth birthday at [TS]

  farrell's I don't have you ever seen the [TS]

  ferals but I the pig strong Farrell's I [TS]

  made him think of myself i got the [TS]

  ribbon on my soapbox haha i did I have [TS]

  made a pic of myself at farrell's my [TS]

  tenth birthday there was amazing and [TS]

  they would remember they would have [TS]

  liked didn't mean they come out they [TS]

  carry like they have this ice cream [TS]

  thing that came out like a stretcher [TS]

  yeah they're all wearing straw boaters [TS]

  and like I don't pop but you could eat [TS]

  it you can just sit there and eat 21 [TS]

  scoops of ice but there was yeah that [TS]

  was there was one really crazy when I [TS]

  think that the the pigs truck fixed [TS]

  oh my god John I i'm only worse occasion [TS]

  order and ate something called a pigsty [TS]

  off thanks dropped 21 skills that I was [TS]

  like six it was a lot there was one that [TS]

  was really really big that was called [TS]

  likes the roller coaster or the Ice [TS]

  Capades or something [TS]

  there's one was just ridiculously large [TS]

  but I mean it was a banana split had [TS]

  basically everything you can see if we [TS]

  put on there yeah it's just a boost a [TS]

  fire with like every flavor gonna find [TS]

  out now I'm look at these red robin [TS]

  burger to remember correctly that you [TS]

  don't like an onion roll remember that [TS]

  correctly onion roll i seem to recall [TS]

  one time I i seem to call asking if you [TS]

  like that on your role for a burger and [TS]

  oh oh no I don't prefer an onion roll ok [TS]

  so pretty good huh yeah that's a good [TS]

  memory [TS]

  yeah and look at these burgers i have a [TS]

  feeling you don't really get that much [TS]

  tall avocado on your broker but i'm [TS]

  looking at some wonderful beautiful some [TS]

  of those burgers will will will sit you [TS]

  down the fried onions are very generous [TS]

  oh well and so I'm so I go to this [TS]

  restaurant with [TS]

  my friends who live in Russia and they [TS]

  are just you know they're just tucking [TS]

  their napkins into the front of the [TS]

  shirts and they're like here we go we're [TS]

  gonna eat one of these six thousand [TS]

  calorie burgers [TS]

  we're all going to have milkshakes and [TS]

  the waitress came around to me and I was [TS]

  like cobb salad please [TS]

  Oh God and they'll they looked on me [TS]

  with pity they looked on me with like [TS]

  it's just so strong they didn't want to [TS]

  say anything to they looked at me like [TS]

  you know like I had just said i would I [TS]

  just said like I'd like some [TS]

  radiological I'd like a glass of [TS]

  radiological hasn't variant that happen [TS]

  and the waitress is like okay I'm not [TS]

  going on no ice here comes my cobb salad [TS]

  and it is i mean it seriously the size [TS]

  of a bear's head it is really is very [TS]

  generous [TS]

  it's a massive cops out there is nothing [TS]

  to be sorry about [TS]

  but but you know my friends are over [TS]

  there like eating their burgers and slow [TS]

  motion licking their their chops and you [TS]

  know and i'm here with my my leg and my [TS]

  slices of turkey and avocado [TS]

  so it's kind of a chef salad and I went [TS]

  out with me i had left my friend and a [TS]

  few weeks ago and he had a Cobb salad [TS]

  and I remember it seemed very Hardy yeah [TS]

  alright so they're amazing they're great [TS]

  but it is not a thing I would have ever [TS]

  chosen for myself at a red robin will be [TS]

  a time when I don't like when you inside [TS]

  and out [TS]

  you really going to like house of prime [TS]

  rib and getting like a really good like [TS]

  like Kathleen of soul or something we're [TS]

  like pilots good but like you're kind of [TS]

  missing out on what makes that play [TS]

  special you know [TS]

  yeah that's exactly right like you read [TS]

  you always read them at the menu and [TS]

  there's always there's always something [TS]

  like the way of Seoul where you say the [TS]

  only person that the only person that's [TS]

  gonna order that is a guy who's who's [TS]

  putting a nitroglycerin tablet under his [TS]

  tongue but free at four sits down at [TS]

  that's a bunker meal it sound like where [TS]

  the scar across his the scar across his [TS]

  chest from open-heart surgery is still [TS]

  throbbing [TS]

  that's the only guy that's gonna eat the [TS]

  one fish me I I've a friend he's a [TS]

  vegetarian bunch of us went out fears [TS]

  years back when two house of prime rib [TS]

  even their right Merlin what don't tell [TS]

  me don't tell me you've never been there [TS]

  for the entire time we've known each [TS]

  other which now is 10 flush nearly ten [TS]

  plus years ten plus years you have been [TS]

  talking about the house and everything [TS]

  breakers scott simpson Jason thin even [TS]

  jonathan coulton I think there multiple [TS]

  times they all talk about Hodgman Jesus [TS]

  it'sit's something else you know the [TS]

  cookhouse a primary blah blah blah with [TS]

  Merlin blog in San Francisco director I [TS]

  feel so bad we'll listen we need to make [TS]

  a trip we need to make sure we need to [TS]

  schedule we discuss on a show here and [TS]

  show up there we'll bring our families [TS]

  not the house of prime rib you know [TS]

  where you take me when I come visit you [TS]

  I do take oh that's if you don't mind [TS]

  walking canes and we buy everything [TS]

  great doing something to tell them we [TS]

  tell the story about your pants that we [TS]

  were told that story on here i'm sure [TS]

  you remember that night but what happens [TS]

  rushing up to go to dinner and you had [TS]

  figured you'd figured that I in this is [TS]

  exactly the kind of thing that drives me [TS]

  nuts with people it's like if I know I [TS]

  have to be somewhere and it might [TS]

  require pants I'll bring five pairs of [TS]

  pants and you came to town we're going [TS]

  to go to fancy dinner and you had not [TS]

  checked what pair of pants you grabbed a [TS]

  mistake number one he showed up was kind [TS]

  of late remember this you must yes [TS]

  absolutely we were going to dinner with [TS]

  the mister fancy-pants fancy-pants in [TS]

  the other guy and and the other guy and [TS]

  so we are great guys but I'm we and you [TS]

  know I'm legitimately like three strikes [TS]

  in a fancy areas this place this place [TS]

  in nob hill and through anyhow but you [TS]

  got here and you had not checked what [TS]

  pair of pants you grab and I don't know [TS]

  which decade those pants would have [TS]

  worked on you I don't think those pants [TS]

  will fit you three years ago these pants [TS]

  were little they were like little boy [TS]

  pants [TS]

  mistake number one mistake number two [TS]

  you didn't even bother to like grab your [TS]

  good we're gonna go and you're driving [TS]

  you're like bullet [TS]

  I mean you're having your San Francisco [TS]

  bullet moment driving down Market Street [TS]

  hyperventilating and never seen you so [TS]

  anxious because you'll be late for this [TS]

  you know they're gonna be shit for late [TS]

  for it and go to in a complete frenzy we [TS]

  drive the first of all you don't have [TS]

  pants number one [TS]

  number two you decide you're not going [TS]

  to bother to bring any pants with you [TS]

  because that would be inappropriate [TS]

  you're wearing like like big Richard [TS]

  Nixon shorts with with wear the suit [TS]

  jacket [TS]

  you look kind of like like I like a [TS]

  beefy Angus Young yeah we're already [TS]

  we're already late for dinner or later [TS]

  on the other side of your over here in [TS]

  West the cheese's we go to our crappy [TS]

  good well there's nothing there at all [TS]

  costs 50 bucks right and we finally [TS]

  that's right we went to that goodwill up [TS]

  i gotta be like a very photo of you put [TS]

  it up you know what you're looking at [TS]

  here is everything everything was they [TS]

  were all doctors with three pleats [TS]

  effort like struck $80 yeah things I was [TS]

  not going to touch with my hands [TS]

  yeah well then we haul ass and now now [TS]

  you're real anxious because and [TS]

  everything you put on was too small [TS]

  because as we've discussed everything at [TS]

  the goodwill only small people died and [TS]

  everything in the goodwill unless you [TS]

  really spend some time in my experience [TS]

  is all tiny tiny men clothes or triple [TS]

  extra-large right and luckily you're [TS]

  right in the middle your triple [TS]

  extra-large because of because the [TS]

  triple extra-large people that is [TS]

  exactly like hell so anyway it was just [TS]

  it was then we got to get the place we [TS]

  were measured me what we got to like the [TS]

  castro we parked and and i stayed in the [TS]

  car and you tore ass in your angus young [TS]

  pants and like ran and so what happened [TS]

  that you want to like so so I'm you're [TS]

  like there's got to be some place in the [TS]

  castro it's looking like vintage stores [TS]

  fancy boy stores all kinds of stores so [TS]

  here we get down to the castro was like [TS]

  okay we're just gonna Park in the gas [TS]

  station and part in the South car [TS]

  spotters you're uncomfortable I'm like [TS]

  you guard the car and Iran on the one in [TS]

  the left foot rent and to his suit i'm [TS]

  in a suit jacket and like underwear [TS]

  basically i ran into this vintage store [TS]

  and I'm like men's pants and she's like [TS]

  in the back you know over by the but [TS]

  tuxedo jackets or whatever said it was [TS]

  it was some castro was like on market [TS]

  street like in that kind of fancy [TS]

  stripping having curative masters it was [TS]

  like the thrift vintage kind of its real [TS]

  upscale that a tear as far as like [TS]

  you're not even going somewhere and get [TS]

  like a like a skinny tie for a buck [TS]

  ya know if I mean that was it was it had [TS]

  been it was it was a how do you say carl [TS]

  curated store [TS]

  and I run in the back and I'm flipping [TS]

  through all these things and they're all [TS]

  it's just like a bunch of Hammer pants [TS]

  and and and sweaters [TS]

  yeah just like garbage garbage garbage [TS]

  garbage and then I come upon this [TS]

  amazing pair of so what were they were [TS]

  reproduction buckle back wool pants that [TS]

  a forest ranger in the twenties was like [TS]

  very full leg very heavy with outdoorsy [TS]

  very outdoorsy pans and I looked at the [TS]

  man's land there you know kind of high [TS]

  waist like buckle back a very earlier [TS]

  style and I was like these pants [TS]

  not only are the right pans but these [TS]

  pants are Dynamite's these people i'm [TS]

  gonna walk into this novel steakhouse [TS]

  and everybody in the place is gonna have [TS]

  to reevaluate what they chose which is [TS]

  how I like to walk into a place where he [TS]

  worked out it worked out i I'm in now [TS]

  then so i go into the dressing room I [TS]

  wear the pants out i'm waiting in line [TS]

  behind you know behind a guy shorts [TS]

  Ichabod Crane now I left it short so [TS]

  silly audios I'm wait wait in line [TS]

  behind a guy that's where you know like [TS]

  yeah like a tri-cornered hats market [TS]

  needs in here buying puka shells or [TS]

  something and like come on come on come [TS]

  on [TS]

  I'd throw my money down on you know [TS]

  throw through ashdown where I don't have [TS]

  to wait [TS]

  run back up to the gas station where [TS]

  you're singing zipcar spot drumming your [TS]

  fingers on that and hopefully we show up [TS]

  by the time we got to van ness I [TS]

  honestly thought I was going to die you [TS]

  you [TS]

  we know you know what it wasn't even [TS]

  like it was named seem clean your your [TS]

  gene hackman and the French Connection [TS]

  like banging on the dashboard we were [TS]

  going fast chasing the heroin dealers [TS]

  but it was a but you know I just it's [TS]

  interesting and then again now the fact [TS]

  that you left the short scene i would [TS]

  take the shorts because I contingencies [TS]

  right you never know what's gonna happen [TS]

  you want to go skinny-dipping if i want [TS]

  to go swimming well you're not [TS]

  skinny-dipping but you know pants pants [TS]

  swimming in fact what we did is we went [TS]

  and everybody everybody after the depth [TS]

  of the dinner was smoking pot out of an [TS]

  e-cigarette yeah [TS]

  and I made that your friend yeah and oh [TS]

  yeah you did you did a very good job of [TS]

  making fun of that guy stopped doing [TS]

  that don't make fun of people anymore i [TS]

  don't know that was pretty great haha i [TS]

  don't even remember what I said you know [TS]

  you know everybody had a few cocktails [TS]

  yes and you were just calling attention [TS]

  to the fact that his house was vulgar [TS]

  this case was for didn't say i don't [TS]

  remember any of that [TS]

  well you were just like this is a very [TS]

  expensive house in a very it's a very [TS]

  expensive everything in it is very [TS]

  expensive something you know about me is [TS]

  there's a couple of situations right [TS]

  shutdown shutdown when you yell at me [TS]

  and I cry I shut down when people start [TS]

  lying compulsively ah I can't hear you [TS]

  can sometimes get very mad at that [TS]

  well um I you know what it is it's very [TS]

  silly compulsive liars and people who [TS]

  are ostentatious probably not in this [TS]

  case this can actually have a lot of [TS]

  dough but who are like like insecure [TS]

  falsely fancy high-status you know [TS]

  douchebags and and this is something I [TS]

  picked up from my college but like [TS]

  somebody says oh yeah well you know [TS]

  that's my mother's day BMW and go wow [TS]

  that's a really expensive car [TS]

  yes you did but everything else play [TS]

  along but then it gets to like wow [TS]

  that's a really big boat up I don't know [TS]

  what to say i will not be I will not be [TS]

  I'm not gonna be a VC I'm not gonna be [TS]

  complicit [TS]

  you're not going to go gladly along with [TS]

  this little game you're supposed to play [TS]

  it's the same reason i can't stand like [TS]

  like fake friendly-like tchotchkes kind [TS]

  of waiters it just makes me a plastic I [TS]

  just like how we doing tonight [TS]

  yeah what we're doing is shut up and [TS]

  take my order to end up like a gentleman [TS]

  and take my fucking order hold the [TS]

  tomato between know this party was [TS]

  fantastic because every new room that we [TS]

  went to in this house there was a new it [TS]

  was written it was like a curtain party [TS]

  and it was revealed a new level of [TS]

  pretentious vulgarity wasn't that it was [TS]

  really loud and Carolyn so making tough [TS]

  the shower stalls that had terrible [TS]

  floors get a bathroom with its own [TS]

  bathroom [TS]

  yeah and you just everywhere everywhere [TS]

  went just increase louder and louder [TS]

  wow how much did that cost you have to [TS]

  really spend a lot of money on that and [TS]

  the guy was oblivious to you that [TS]

  oblivious large piece of granite [TS]

  yeah that is an artwork that must have [TS]

  been very expensive in the store and [TS]

  then and I wanna know is that we're [TS]

  standing on his roof of his water it [TS]

  whatever in Georgia so gorgeous eyes [TS]

  stories house [TS]

  yeah and I look everybody's looking at [TS]

  the beautiful san francisco which is [TS]

  panoramic view and I look behind look [TS]

  off the back side of the house and down [TS]

  in the cavern between his giant house [TS]

  and the little 1920s bungalow behind it [TS]

  the five foot space between his house [TS]

  and the and the wall with this little [TS]

  house and I realized that oh my god this [TS]

  little bungalow behind his newly [TS]

  constructed house ad for 100 years or [TS]

  for 90 years that little bungalow had an [TS]

  incredible view of san francisco from [TS]

  its yard and then this this giant 2001 a [TS]

  Space Odyssey modernist monolith slammed [TS]

  into the vacant lot on the corner got [TS]

  that would that be so frustrating [TS]

  blocked out the light and so at as as [TS]

  we're all standing around smoking pot [TS]

  with the ISA grip myself excluded i say [TS]

  to our hosts um so so who are the [TS]

  neighbors like you know like what's [TS]

  their story and he kind of looked over [TS]

  his shoulder down at the house was like [TS]

  huh [TS]

  oh I don't know and we went back to [TS]

  talking about the music business i was [TS]

  like wow he doesn't even see the [TS]

  aristocracy it doesn't even know them [TS]

  like he doesn't even understand doesn't [TS]

  recognize that there's a neighborhood [TS]

  behind his house [TS]

  I was also this is nothing is a [TS]

  beautiful house is very nice guy [TS]

  it's just a dead never said a bad word [TS]

  about the guy [TS]

  good good good cook makes her own [TS]

  clothes super nice guy [TS]

  yeah pretty fish yeah sweetie I never [TS]

  married duh yeah now that you know it is [TS]

  also it's kind of in that style that [TS]

  became popular when lofts started [TS]

  getting big in San Francisco so I'm sure [TS]

  siblings in in Seattle but you get the [TS]

  place that's got the combination of like [TS]

  it's it's kind of like a place where [TS]

  people would work and it looks a bit [TS]

  like a boat and the stairs the the [TS]

  stairs i'll have that like wire you know [TS]

  high tensile strength like wire stuff [TS]

  instead of like normal like you know [TS]

  slats or whatever and different layers [TS]

  extra-big like kinda like slides like [TS]

  you're in the in the Meatpacking [TS]

  District and then you get those lights [TS]

  with the with the covers over arm so [TS]

  that when you're unloading your forklift [TS]

  you won't accidentally knock out your [TS]

  porch light i right that's funny because [TS]

  that if you go to like a city where [TS]

  where I mean let's be honest in most [TS]

  places maybe and maybe New York sure [TS]

  maybe in Seattle sure the most places [TS]

  here they made that on purpose in 1998 [TS]

  to look like that and it's it's kind of [TS]

  I don't know it's not even as good as [TS]

  living in a tree house its kind of it's [TS]

  kind of like I don't know it's like it's [TS]

  like the the the single 45 year old [TS]

  man's version of a racecar bed that [TS]

  there's anything wrong with that i was [TS]

  in you're right Batman comics i'm not [TS]

  going to say anything I know but you're [TS]

  not sitting in a racecar bed not know [TS]

  yeah it's not because they don't make a [TS]

  king I got it badly [TS]

  yes that the new Seattle uh uh the the [TS]

  new university of washington football [TS]

  state in the day as and which they're [TS]

  they're kind of rebuilding this football [TS]

  stand your father was an ardent fan [TS]

  right you will see what so we we used to [TS]

  go to we used to go to every game we [TS]

  could and sit up in the absolute highest [TS]

  seed fault then we all hope it would at [TS]

  one time in love that story sorry that's [TS]

  a new stadium in stadium and i'm driving [TS]

  past it and I'm like I'm astonished to [TS]

  the point where I almost had to pull [TS]

  over because i was so gate mouth at the [TS]

  fact that the 700 million dollar bond or [TS]

  whatever it was that they pass to build [TS]

  this thing and all the architects that [TS]

  had to had to pass a [TS]

  is rubber-stamp this plan that they have [TS]

  made this football stadium of 50,000 [TS]

  seat football stadium they made it look [TS]

  like a panera bread like what it has it [TS]

  has all the are presently have bread [TS]

  bowls redbull ones let's look at Baghdad [TS]

  it's more like a big big round ii i know [TS]

  you know what panera bread is one of [TS]

  those one of those strip mall a strip [TS]

  mall be sure okay out in the out in the [TS]

  hinterlands it looks like it's just a [TS]

  man should look like that that's that's [TS]

  terrible yeah it's so architectural II [TS]

  like that [TS]

  undefined it's just it's like oh you [TS]

  it's like Tinkertoys plus faux brick [TS]

  well done round of applause for [TS]

  everybody like and I'm sure that there's [TS]

  ten percent for art or whatever and you [TS]

  walk inside and there is a statue of a [TS]

  like a seagull or a or highest vote Joe [TS]

  Heisman for somebody but like the lights [TS]

  bit but the exterior of this thing could [TS]

  not be like it isn't unappealing it is [TS]

  non appealing there's no there's nothing [TS]

  you just look at it and and your heart [TS]

  just keeps pumping at the same rate that [TS]

  it was but thank you [TS]

  I think he nailed it it's not not unlike [TS]

  the the fake boathouse or or fake [TS]

  warehouse thing in that sometimes you [TS]

  can look at something like that and you [TS]

  can't immediately put your finger on it [TS]

  like you could say okay this is vulgar [TS]

  and garish and like weird but but maybe [TS]

  on closer inspection you like you know [TS]

  what that's not real brick like that's [TS]

  you know that's the equivalent of wood [TS]

  paneling like you you put that as a face [TS]

  on the cheapest conceivable earthquake [TS]

  safe building materials to keep the [TS]

  place from you know just falling down [TS]

  the first time people sit in it but [TS]

  there's something about it that like and [TS]

  and you know and even though giants game [TS]

  even though giants game you want with [TS]

  mr. fancy right i have never been to a [TS]

  giants k RR with a very fancy stadium [TS]

  you know I mean airway had a career [TS]

  ahead of the curve on the busy bee [TS]

  Candlestick Park which is free i'm using [TS]

  there's like a whole team of like they [TS]

  hire a bunch of kayakers right to catch [TS]

  their their their old balls I think [TS]

  they're interns no no there there [TS]

  unpaid ball catchers like a lot of [TS]

  people in high school mhm and in [TS]

  anybody's you know it's got it all its [TS]

  got the garlic fries it's got the you [TS]

  know of course you get the bread bowl [TS]

  with the sourdough bread bowls sure we [TS]

  got one of those here in Seattle is that [TS]

  shit yeah it's got a wolfgang pucks in [TS]

  it uh-huh [TS]

  although I guess every year for your [TS]

  food yes california pizza kitchen or [TS]

  whatever but this is the artist areas [TS]

  where she was going to have to look at [TS]

  just what I'm saying ok alright let's [TS]

  get sushi there because of the Pacific [TS]

  and whatnot [TS]

  yeah we do we are Seattle is known for [TS]

  its seafood you know what's good my wife [TS]

  won't shut up about those noodles we got [TS]

  that one time [TS]

  Oh last thing is gonna be fascinating to [TS]

  people you have the the heat that the [TS]

  high nutrition shape barley green oh my [TS]

  goodness says our office for I'm sure [TS]

  I'm sure our listeners particular [TS]

  international listeners are showing this [TS]

  smell [TS]

  let's let's let's let's bring it back [TS]

  let's bring it back to what we're eating [TS]

  these days because right yeah I you know [TS]

  but you know what you know where the big [TS]

  hack of this whole thing every time i [TS]

  say hack you sniffle here like your [TS]

  science fiction book words like my big I [TS]

  big but my big hack your big axe John [TS]

  was I made all this bacon right I made [TS]

  two pounds of bacon is made of bacon act [TS]

  is a bacon mac and you think you've got [TS]

  every bacon hack but i'm telling you [TS]

  this is a new 1i think i almost wrote a [TS]

  book about it I got it I got those [TS]

  little snack bags not that the little [TS]

  Ziploc snack bags and talk about the [TS]

  half-size bags that are only good for [TS]

  like ten candy corns right like you [TS]

  would get like a like a like a dime bag [TS]

  or like you don't like little rolling [TS]

  ones like the kids snacks materials and [TS]

  that kind of that's right that's right [TS]

  little short short bag and so I got all [TS]

  this bacon cooked it still exists and I [TS]

  have cooked it so that it's chris but [TS]

  it's still warm and pliable and i put [TS]

  for Bacon's / ziploc bag so i'm making [TS]

  for bacon bacon part 44 script bacon [TS]

  pods [TS]

  and I love his hack then I push all the [TS]

  air bacon and you put that pic i push [TS]

  all the air out of the bag right and [TS]

  then I'm stacking bacon pod servings in [TS]

  the freezer [TS]

  that's kid and then every time I'm like [TS]

  bacon [TS]

  that's like a 20-second reheat isn't it [TS]

  I mean it doesn't take long [TS]

  no here's the head it's a double hacker [TS]

  this had double hack I pulled the first [TS]

  time I grabbed the first bacon pot out i [TS]

  was like huh i'm on my way to the [TS]

  microwave to put him in there for a [TS]

  30-second reheat and I break off a [TS]

  little chunk of it and put it in my [TS]

  mouth [TS]

  no frozen bacon what I treat is like the [TS]

  popsicle of the gods [TS]

  it is so delicious you you like the [TS]

  thomas and cured meats because it [TS]

  because of the the way that bacon is [TS]

  because of its consistency its natural [TS]

  crunchy meaty consistency freezing it [TS]

  does not change its consistency at all [TS]

  it is still just like crispy bacon see [TS]

  but it is going to rain you want to [TS]

  drain it very well i'm guessing [TS]

  oh yeah youyou as you're cooking the [TS]

  bacon you take it out you put on some [TS]

  paper towels so it's not covered and [TS]

  coagulated fat [TS]

  ah that sounds good and then frozen [TS]

  bacon and you know four strips at a time [TS]

  perfect serving you get four strips ok [TS]

  so then frozen bacon in a in a mini bag [TS]

  check you you you make it make a fist [TS]

  you crunch up the bacon in the mini bag [TS]

  and there's your topping for your for [TS]

  your quarter iceberg lettuce salad with [TS]

  blue cheese dressing [TS]

  you got this shit wire time my friend [TS]

  boom boom boom [TS]

  every day a new use for four strips of [TS]

  frozen bacon [TS]

  huh because you're not going to have to [TS]

  wonder you're not sitting there cuz it's [TS]

  a little bit of a production like making [TS]

  pancakes almost said something like I [TS]

  should make bacon like it kind of takes [TS]

  a few minutes [TS]

  yeah and you just have it around my [TS]

  gravel house gets greasy as fuck it's [TS]

  terrible and once you're making bacon as [TS]

  you know it is much less effort to keep [TS]

  baking [TS]

  taken right you have you have some you [TS]

  have inertia you have bacon inertia [TS]

  that's right and you could if making two [TS]

  pounds is like making ten pounds and [TS]

  it's never enough [TS]

  I don't even get into the whole internet [TS]

  bacon think it's a fucking cares but but [TS]

  but i will tell you every time I've [TS]

  always think I have enough bacon I I now [TS]

  by three pounds of bacon when I know [TS]

  you're coming to the house and still [TS]

  it's like crab legs are or you know or [TS]

  something that was never enough right so [TS]

  three pounds of bacon make it put them [TS]

  in bacon pods freedom and you will end [TS]

  your whole it's it's it's a complete [TS]

  transformation the great got a job to [TS]

  you can take it to your work that you [TS]

  don't really have to put in the freezer [TS]

  and you can have a treat [TS]

  anytime you get a cup of coffee as a [TS]

  fucking frozen bacon have fun for bacon [TS]

  and that tonight I want a good ham [TS]

  probably not as good because its [TS]

  consistency it was independent shippers [TS]

  part of what makes it incredible is that [TS]

  the bacon is already thin and crispy and [TS]

  freezing it doesn't doesn't really [TS]

  change that like they the mouthfeel if [TS]

  you will permit me to use the term [TS]

  mouthfeel boom the mouthfeel of the [TS]

  bacon is unchanged except it is now [TS]

  freezing cold like a popsicle [TS]

  let's take a couple calls we have a riot [TS]

  on line from Grand Rapids he had some [TS]

  questions about things that he could do [TS]

  with leftover roast beef Ryan you're on [TS]

  our online Orion haha haha car food [TS]

  here's what I'm thinking really hate [TS]

  when people talk about food like it i [TS]

  know i like we do I hate it's like it's [TS]

  like orgasms and farts like I just I [TS]

  don't want to think about anybody else's [TS]

  other people's food or orgasms are parts [TS]

  minor I never want to think about other [TS]

  people's parts except half of twitter [TS]

  now it's just people talking about the [TS]

  farms never let me keep up other [TS]

  people's orgasms points really a [TS]

  big-hearted fella are people people are [TS]

  actually talking about the fart [TS]

  I think it's one of those so you mean it [TS]

  and Alan gee Ashley no I'm time I mean [TS]

  literally about their farts I I feel [TS]

  like it is a kind of I might have done [TS]

  that thing so three or four times in my [TS]

  Twitter life I have to go back to [TS]

  twitter I've followed a few people and [TS]

  then followed the people that they seem [TS]

  to think we're the best and pretty soon [TS]

  you can end up in a cul-de-sac [TS]

  yeah of people were like oh I'm over [TS]

  here is a ball at tompkins singularity [TS]

  yeah were you know like I ended up kind [TS]

  of over in the Jake football nest camp [TS]

  is not recently and you know and you [TS]

  follow people you can follow my I'm fine [TS]

  with all that but everyone smile i [TS]

  realized that i have followed numerous [TS]

  people and now i'm over somewhere in a [TS]

  side land that feels like the center of [TS]

  everything but it's really just what [TS]

  this group of people is talking about [TS]

  and I'm ready to kind of back out of [TS]

  that room quietly yeah and close the [TS]

  door behind me and that that group of [TS]

  people is the people have been following [TS]

  some of them are weird Twitter [TS]

  Superstars and you know various Twitter [TS]

  comedians and I'm just I'm ready to kind [TS]

  of just back out there and close the [TS]

  door [TS]

  yeah I yes I I don't like to follow that [TS]

  many people on Twitter who are like me [TS]

  yeah um and I really I with Pats [TS]

  conversation i I just I can't follow too [TS]

  many of the comedy insiders it's no it's [TS]

  too exhausting [TS]

  no it's too bad and and and the new [TS]

  thing that is not really they're not [TS]

  funny [TS]

  there are hundreds it's not like going [TS]

  to marinas funny like this other people [TS]

  were funny they can be funny but last [TS]

  time i watched the ck is one of my [TS]

  all-time favorite performers his his [TS]

  Twitter was like the bulletin board at [TS]

  the laundromat [TS]

  yeah it was just awful is going to be [TS]

  over it sloppy joes this week that's [TS]

  great yeah dawg [TS]

  professor gigatons video handjobs the [TS]

  people that I'm really enjoying on the [TS]

  internet now are the ones who very [TS]

  selflessly curate a a stream of interest [TS]

  right [TS]

  stream of consciousness with sword [TS]

  like a blog is to be likable of AR [TS]

  microblogging that's exactly it is a [TS]

  microblogging platform microblogging [TS]

  somebody should invest in this idea [TS]

  microblogging mhm but they can't be a [TS]

  thought leader John where they let me [TS]

  let me just can you just drive on this [TS]

  for me that you so you're going on [TS]

  inside you [TS]

  ok let's put a pin in it well you know [TS]

  we need to do we need to get you on musk [TS]

  on this just talking about you please [TS]

  remember where I heard about the google [TS]

  balloon story now it's that it's that [TS]

  bill gates thinks it might not be a [TS]

  great idea what well you know when I was [TS]

  with them until you got to that comma [TS]

  because as long as their kid with [TS]

  malaria oh god no I get it he's like a [TS]

  few people help the world the way his [TS]

  foundation helps the world like in fact [TS]

  apparently turns out i don't know [TS]

  because I can't afford to get the Dillon [TS]

  gates foundation on my ass and my friend [TS]

  of the bill and melinda gates foundation [TS]

  is also listening to our conversations [TS]

  and keeping a log i think they're much [TS]

  more likely to do something with the [TS]

  information that I couldn't understand [TS]

  you might come and inoculate me in a way [TS]

  that makes my life very complicated and [TS]

  not even looking at a time frame i can [TS]

  understand it might be I wake up like a [TS]

  year and a half from now and i'm just [TS]

  i'm just sitting in like Kaitlyn play [TS]

  with my spit or something but sitting [TS]

  under an apple tree in New England which [TS]

  I think read about the good of balloons [TS]

  a 20 bill gates ill gates [TS]

  hey I like that pearl jam single i was [TS]

  their new pearl jam song and they get a [TS]

  pearl jam song it's good i don't know [TS]

  why you have to that every once in [TS]

  awhile pearl jam you know surprises me [TS]

  with a new rock jam that I feel like is [TS]

  a is totally rad valid rock jam yeah but [TS]

  what happened that hasn't happened [TS]

  before it might be my first like [TS]

  programs i really liked you on the whole [TS]

  pearl jam and nice guys never married to [TS]

  to be i like i like them all I like them [TS]

  personally [TS]

  they seem like they are the Bruce [TS]

  Springsteen of the Northwest already [TS]

  here [TS]

  I found that I that I understand why [TS]

  people like Bruce Springsteen I [TS]

  understand his appeal was updated the [TS]

  list John let's go through these [TS]

  together religion tradition winter [TS]

  though I personally I think we shouldn't [TS]

  talk about music oh no sorry not the [TS]

  music the culture is that i personally [TS]

  don't don't [TS]

  I the bruce springsteen does not move me [TS]

  okay put him on the list too [TS]

  and you know and i have a friend now we [TS]

  have we have a friend i have a friend of [TS]

  british guy that you do you think you [TS]

  might know you got a president who is [TS]

  who has become personal friends with [TS]

  bruce springsteen it goes over to his [TS]

  house [TS]

  oh and when i get and keep getting like [TS]

  techie like they'll blow up my phone [TS]

  like you know uh I guess where i am and [TS]

  I'm like man that's creepy shouldn't and [TS]

  that's really it is like gets a hit him [TS]

  and Bruce sitting around was impressed [TS]

  and they're watching tax 20 fixing his [TS]

  car with Louise know he's like he's like [TS]

  he's bragging about being your house all [TS]

  my friends like papers i'm going to send [TS]

  a picture you to my friend is that cool [TS]

  and he's like sure [TS]

  and so you know sends a sense of like a [TS]

  selfie at least a really really nice guy [TS]

  seems like an amazing bc is going very [TS]

  very nice gain generous in a quiet way [TS]

  which I really like I am dying for the [TS]

  opportunity to go to Bruce Springsteen's [TS]

  house because this is not a completely [TS]

  unrealistic opportunity now who like it [TS]

  is conceivable that at some point I will [TS]

  be back east i will be in the new jersey [TS]

  area and my friend will say why don't we [TS]

  drop in on Bruce find my sext him i'll [TS]

  text entry Springsteen not kiss let's do [TS]

  this [TS]

  ok so help me understand i don't want to [TS]

  get I don't get what I want to find out [TS]

  go ahead well there's so there's two [TS]

  there's two problems shielding myself [TS]

  John because i really like Bruce [TS]

  Springsteen and I don't want to get into [TS]

  a thing with you makes me cry i know i [TS]

  don't want to get into thing that makes [TS]

  you cry either but i but i am afraid [TS]

  first of all that's saying that Bruce [TS]

  Springsteen does not move me is like [TS]

  there is a Bruce Springsteen NSA I think [TS]

  he does not care when I don't know he [TS]

  doesn't care but they're up with all [TS]

  those people that are like out in the [TS]

  bushes around it [TS]

  house or who Fredo and then also when i [TS]

  get there like I'm not sure what I'm [TS]

  going to say like I really liked the way [TS]

  that you i really like the way that you [TS]

  totally dominated the culture of america [TS]

  during my high school years just for my [TS]

  benefit [TS]

  it was really amazing to read about aj [TS]

  webmin the guy who liked was the [TS]

  self-appointed Dylan scholar he's like [TS]

  go through don't Dylan's trash and then [TS]

  like Dylan comes out and starts yelling [TS]

  at me record the conversation and shit [TS]

  happy I did I got that you like a team [TS]

  and yeah JJ weber it's really real [TS]

  creepy but like you imagine like that [TS]

  somebody out there who I guess is like a [TS]

  royal watcher he mentioned a royal [TS]

  watcher [TS]

  well there's all I mean there's like [TS]

  yeah they're self-appointed vultures [TS]

  like in all the trees watching everybody [TS]

  rekha I told you didn't I mean that's [TS]

  what I know that's a fantastic line its [TS]

  issued reasons like it seems seems like [TS]

  as you're driving up the long long lane [TS]

  the-the-the-the lane with with the with [TS]

  giant alder trees on either side that [TS]

  leads up to Bruce Springsteen's house [TS]

  and there are probably like some hundred [TS]

  and fifty thousand dollar thoroughbred [TS]

  horses trotting along side your card and [TS]

  since the person somehow a personal [TS]

  union steam see the same boat steel mill [TS]

  he's getting out there building will not [TS]

  be all tired school hard today because [TS]

  you don't like Billy Joel for the same [TS]

  reason right up your rental minivan [TS]

  suddenly transforms into a 57 t-bird [TS]

  wow you're like wow did I get here I [TS]

  mean I mean it's like I like I'm in no [TS]

  Willy Wonka lame and hit that button [TS]

  why wouldn't he just hit why turns it [TS]

  into a finished summary but all you're [TS]

  not a major an artificial bay like like [TS]

  chris Christie is up there with [TS]

  binoculars and a and a crossbow and [TS]

  everybody's up there like you don't love [TS]

  Bruce enough you know the list [TS]

  people that love Bruce that should be [TS]

  able to go to Bruce's house before me is [TS]

  you know because that's the feeling [TS]

  those people have they love Bruce so [TS]

  much if anybody's gonna get to go to [TS]

  Bruce's house it should be me and the [TS]

  list that list is like you're like [TS]

  you're looking T doing wrong [TS]

  I don't even know where to begin [TS]

  like you don't want you don't like Bruce [TS]

  Springsteen as a person you don't like [TS]

  his music if you have another thing [TS]

  you've already said you stipulate you [TS]

  have nothing to talk to him about what [TS]

  you're worried that his personal NSA [TS]

  which includes a still rather portly [TS]

  Bowman is going to somehow get this [TS]

  information and then a scotch the trip [TS]

  that you don't want to have with the [TS]

  musician that you don't really like more [TS]

  if not scotch it then i don't know i [TS]

  mean just you know how it is when you [TS]

  when when it's just driving reached your [TS]

  driving up a country lane and you feel [TS]

  like people are in the trees scorning [TS]

  you [TS]

  oh yes that is terrible video a [TS]

  self-appointed vultures in all the trees [TS]

  yeah well ya know I i I've been [TS]

  disturbed by trees I've been thinking a [TS]

  lot about bows and arrows lately serious [TS]

  oh because you're reading comic books [TS]

  again no also also yeah i watch this [TS]

  martial arts movie walk see is that the [TS]

  name of the genre called hero and [TS]

  there's a there's this you can see this [TS]

  movie [TS]

  you gotta move there's no question it's [TS]

  it's amazing it's like the gates of [TS]

  greatest martial arts movie of all time [TS]

  and hero with the with the with the jet [TS]

  li ya gently and also i think that means [TS]

  we can rush along the treetops right [TS]

  yes but this is better than Crouching [TS]

  Tiger is such as legions he can run [TS]

  along we can we can jump from leaf to [TS]

  leave [TS]

  it's astonishing we do it but was my [TS]

  point oh yeah eras man they got some [TS]

  great poner scenes were lucky you know [TS]

  you got a big army can imagine how scary [TS]

  would be to be somewhere when hundreds [TS]

  and hundreds of guys with all different [TS]

  kinds of bows and you know crossbows and [TS]

  longbows and the kind of laying your [TS]

  back and pull the thing back [TS]

  imagine seeing like 15,000 arrows coming [TS]

  at you that's like that's like the skate [TS]

  just about the scariest thing I can [TS]

  think of its I literally all I have done [TS]

  for months and months is imagine what it [TS]

  would be like huh to to be [TS]

  they're well we've talked about the [TS]

  Battle of Hastings yeah we sure have [TS]

  and we end the lack of the the lack of [TS]

  of bowman on the English side we've [TS]

  talked about a drink or yes like a rain [TS]

  of arrows you know you don't mean it's [TS]

  not like a bullet where you don't see it [TS]

  coming [TS]

  it's like you do see it coming just a [TS]

  little italy one that is your name on [TS]

  and nothing to do about it nothing [TS]

  there's just like a way you could outrun [TS]

  it [TS]

  you just you crouch down you put your [TS]

  little you put your little would shield [TS]

  over your head and you just because this [TS]

  is the terrible thing in most cases if [TS]

  you got an arrow in the knee [TS]

  that's no better than one between the [TS]

  eyes [TS]

  you're just you're just gonna die of [TS]

  infection now right past the glory the [TS]

  guys like I am more scared of dying or [TS]

  being hurt and if you think about it [TS]

  it's really really more scared of being [TS]

  hurt in that case of the like whatever a [TS]

  sepsis or whatever like the fact that [TS]

  you're gonna sit there they're gonna [TS]

  have to move on and the best thing that [TS]

  could happen if your friend comes up and [TS]

  kills you because you're just going to [TS]

  die of an infection in horrible pain [TS]

  that you can shut the gut with the arrow [TS]

  the hell is that cool that's like an [TS]

  artillery right same idea you got from [TS]

  so far away but you see that I bet you [TS]

  got a good ten seconds to go [TS]

  holy shit i just hear this like she was [TS]

  this movie it's good rain of arrows [TS]

  coming down and they bring them with [TS]

  swords it's really cool when you went [TS]

  when you survive an attack of of archers [TS]

  I bet you feel pretty good about [TS]

  yourself especially if you can become a [TS]

  bench of planks did to meet you [TS]

  that was stupid I'm sorry I said that [TS]

  should tell you about some more about [TS]

  food he was a really stupid comedian who [TS]

  was so funny he was so state has not [TS]

  aged well John so much that late with [TS]

  this possible exception of the [TS]

  pheromones majors Richard Pryor has aged [TS]

  best buy out but Robin Williams I mean [TS]

  Bob Newhart what's my sensibility stands [TS]

  up a thousand times but totally [TS]

  bulletproof [TS]

  oh my goodness still so funny so weird [TS]

  yeah and its way I mean but why would I [TS]

  mean it's been very inspirational to me [TS]

  that [TS]

  the button-down mind yeah the one side [TS]

  of a phone conversation is funny [TS]

  it's just very very funny but now Robin [TS]

  Williams my gosh now I don't stipulate [TS]

  here this this could also want to talk [TS]

  about Billy Joel nice guy [TS]

  nice guy I'm Williams didn't run William [TS]

  stories [TS]

  well you met Robin Williams now now you [TS]

  know it's not appropriate [TS]

  I'm i was going to say when my family [TS]

  was staying at this house in another [TS]

  state this person had a giant like [TS]

  probably at least least like a hundred [TS]

  and fifty cassette tapes and I think [TS]

  this person who owns the house that we [TS]

  were staying in renting was is probably [TS]

  five to 10 years older maybe just five [TS]

  to eight years older [TS]

  because it's like three pat benatar [TS]

  records five or six Billy Joel records [TS]

  like three REM albums that aren't that [TS]

  great but like me and you know [TS]

  everything already ready Murr fear or [TS]

  the water or not [TS]

  yeah Hollywood Bowl or whatever yeah but [TS]

  I first of all its first time my [TS]

  daughter ever saw cassette tape which [TS]

  really was that link i mean i-i don't [TS]

  exaggerate it for fake comedic effect [TS]

  that was really fucking funny she opened [TS]

  up she didn't know how to open the case [TS]

  can remember like they're kind of weird [TS]

  and fragile sure i was talking about [TS]

  open [TS]

  no remember the later ones we had the [TS]

  full Jay Carney jay carlin you cards [TS]

  like all guy around you have a set of [TS]

  the they make assets of i'm sure they [TS]

  made like 50 kajillion Graham LPS but [TS]

  did you ever have two sets of like [TS]

  washing his arm to make sure that we [TS]

  never made so so the Western State [TS]

  hurricanes only ever really had a [TS]

  cassette right the less cassette right [TS]

  yeah he's still have a copy of that [TS]

  still have a couple of them you but by [TS]

  the time the first long winters record [TS]

  came out it was the everybody knew that [TS]

  cassettes were not a viable form of of [TS]

  releasing music is it strange because [TS]

  you know I a I went through a phase [TS]

  where I mean it's kind of on the bubble [TS]

  I had a stereo but let's do in my car [TS]

  circa nineteen eighty-eight of course i [TS]

  would have to dub it you know from the [TS]

  lp to the cassette that was an arch like [TS]

  to get the loudness exactly right and [TS]

  remember [TS]

  Richard had a CD player that would scan [TS]

  the entire CD to find the loudest point [TS]

  so you can set the set how cool work in [TS]

  that letter idea what they're not gonna [TS]

  beat now I might have been a Macintosh [TS]

  i'm not sure but our Fisher but probably [TS]

  the best fisherman k bye dad but yea was [TS]

  always getting intermediate like meeting [TS]

  because unless you were John Lennon you [TS]

  don't have a record player in your car [TS]

  so but here's the thing if you bought [TS]

  the cassette copy of something that [TS]

  sounded like shit compared to the album [TS]

  I I never did that once and it never [TS]

  made sense to me I would see people with [TS]

  their with the cassette liked it you [TS]

  know of of the pretenders or whatever [TS]

  and I'd be like why didn't you just buy [TS]

  the LPN recorded onto a 99-cent consent [TS]

  yeah you get to wrecked for the price of [TS]

  one it's true it's true and I mean like [TS]

  I remember a lot of Alcatraz the the [TS]

  first posters for the Steve I one had [TS]

  that on cassette had the rainbow one [TS]

  with since you been gone [TS]

  yeah like still pit box for that anyway [TS]

  this guy who is this my daughter's [TS]

  introduction to cassettes and it was her [TS]

  first major introduction to Billy Joel [TS]

  because I played a lot i think i might [TS]

  be a little bit back into Billy John [TS]

  only God he's got a couple of really [TS]

  good records [TS]

  well I mean Billy Billy Joel is perfect [TS]

  he's perfect for someone your daughter's [TS]

  age [TS]

  it's the right about it that's right [TS]

  about the state elections any season [TS]

  definitely it son saying I'm saying that [TS]

  it's kids music that didn't very hard [TS]

  today [TS]

  that's a great Jam no I think that's a [TS]

  great record [TS]

  yeah I i gotta say allentown I still [TS]

  kept myself singing it that and that is [TS]

  that is Beatles record and you know to [TS]

  get some when there's one song on there [TS]

  I know John I hate this I hate when this [TS]

  happens so many songs from about 1981 to [TS]

  even like 1990 suffer [TS]

  I'm not gonna want the gating but i'm [TS]

  just gonna say like through the eighties [TS]

  like the production is so thin it's [TS]

  crazy and that the keyboards that the [TS]

  senses are so lame [TS]

  this is one song called surprises it's [TS]

  really good don't get excited and then [TS]

  surprises [TS]

  and uh it's a really good ya heard [TS]

  that's nice [TS]

  like its it really it's got that like a [TS]

  prophet or a one of the San Francisco [TS]

  yamaha dx7 i think was before that but [TS]

  it's well god remember when the dx7 got [TS]

  popular super frustrating to it's on [TS]

  every record for the next five years [TS]

  whatever here Tina Turner want to hear [TS]

  that what's love got to do with a [TS]

  private dancer record to me it just [TS]

  sounds like somebody in a mall planet [TS]

  demo of the dx7 get right or your door [TS]

  for dinner yeah it's it's like church [TS]

  music because that's Monica that was all [TS]

  like every record [TS]

  uh-huh dx7 harmonica i said you know i [TS]

  feel like i feel like i should make a [TS]

  record with gated something I should [TS]

  make a record [TS]

  full stop if i was going to be planning [TS]

  a general plan with gated snares and dx7 [TS]

  harmonicas and like yeah sure just radio [TS]

  shacks and icing like Billy Joel on no [TS]

  no you have to do you believe the goal [TS]

  you know John can give you a freebie his [TS]

  lyrics not always great and it looked [TS]

  actually sometimes just actually don't [TS]

  make sense [TS]

  I never really realized it until this [TS]

  listen through over vacation but some of [TS]

  these lyrics at one point in allentown I [TS]

  think he said something about the [TS]

  graduations hang on the wall [TS]

  yeah graduations hang on the wall but [TS]

  what does that mean [TS]

  let's me diploma it's easy money like [TS]

  mortarboard what does that mean he's [TS]

  trying to you know [TS]

  trying to you know [TS]

  I've seen in Deer Hunter uh-huh that [TS]

  that lasts 45 minutes like get to the [TS]

  part with the with the get to the dumb [TS]

  can we please get the video Vietnam I [TS]

  never 123 deliverance move on cimmino [TS]

  move on and it's in 45 minutes of them [TS]

  sitting in that bar in some upstate town [TS]

  and it's just like the broken asked [TS]

  characterization bomb went off like I'm [TS]

  and everything it's just a bunch of [TS]

  families that have been living there for [TS]

  generations and the dad worked at the [TS]

  factory in the granddad worked at the [TS]

  factory and they're just sitting in this [TS]

  bar with these these Schaefer beer signs [TS]

  on the walls and you just feel that that [TS]

  movie like the the that scene is so long [TS]

  and so like unendurable and you just [TS]

  feel like oh the the whole point of this [TS]

  is to make me feel to make me feel [TS]

  exactly what it's like to be to grow up [TS]

  in one of those shabby little [TS]

  Pennsylvania shithole towns and that is [TS]

  every time I see that scene i'm just [TS]

  transported into the mind of Billy Joel [TS]

  and I feel fulfilled its entire time [TS]

  never would have thought of that but [TS]

  you're totally right [TS]

  his whole hoopla and his whole all his [TS]

  fans they're all living in that first 45 [TS]

  minutes of of deer hunter right okay [TS]

  well here's here's another one for you [TS]

  though is like you know that you know [TS]

  that one song and so Kelly across [TS]

  something interesting like Tony Tony [TS]

  Bennett and randy newman is it is in new [TS]

  york state of mine had a new york state [TS]

  of mine when he sings the song it kind [TS]

  of goes like this and like wow he's kind [TS]

  of trying to 20 but he's really kind of [TS]

  trying to do Randy Newman and it [TS]

  occurred to me like rainy Newman to his [TS]

  peril over the years or you know stupid [TS]

  people's fault but I mean he writes [TS]

  songs that are from a character's point [TS]

  of view [TS]

  yeah like short people is not about [TS]

  short people being inferior it's about [TS]

  some dickhead anything short people are [TS]

  inferior in some ways I mi6 from this [TS]

  character he sings as a slave master [TS]

  trying he's the expert and Billy Joel [TS]

  sings from a character that every [TS]

  character is him [TS]

  it's like but it's the first draft of a [TS]

  five-paragraph essay you know I was not [TS]

  convinced that voice that you're here [TS]

  and is actually Billy Joel singing like [TS]

  John Lennon singing like Tony been all [TS]

  I'm gonna send you I'm gonna send you a [TS]

  song the what's it called [TS]

  Layla Layla Charon Jennifer some song on [TS]

  the nylon curtain which is a very good i [TS]

  like Karen Jennifer yeah the time waits [TS]

  on Iran drawn a calorie accomplishment [TS]

  for chase Alexander the Great [TS]

  sure here you go to change that you [TS]

  liked you so that your graduation read [TS]

  this to you so the graduations hang on [TS]

  the wall but they've never really helped [TS]

  us at all [TS]

  no they never taught us what was real [TS]

  iron-on graduations and coke chromium [TS]

  steel that's right those are really the [TS]

  graduation thing on the wall but they [TS]

  never really helped us at all [TS]

  no they never taught us was real lucky [TS]

  graduations I'm telling you it grabs you [TS]

  just said is to be a name you here at [TS]

  Yad go to but it's a good record i'm [TS]

  telling you all right [TS]

  there's just one song that really sounds [TS]

  like it like its I don't know you it's [TS]

  weird he also lives in that weird zone [TS]

  where it's like you can't tell if it's a [TS]

  parody or not [TS]

  no no I didn't you can tell but it is a [TS]

  parity and he thinks it doesn't read as [TS]

  a parody it reads like a parody but it [TS]

  certainly internation chance you know [TS]

  any certain ways of seeing that you go [TS]

  Oh only Brian Wilson nobody seems like [TS]

  that except Brian Wilson for example I [TS]

  mean sure but she's you know he's used [TS]

  to chewing up the carpet it means that [TS]

  like in these casinos up in Schenectady [TS]

  and man and that's a you know that's [TS]

  like he's lost he's like David [TS]

  Copperfield he's lost any sense of I [TS]

  need to any luck he lost in 72 we never [TS]

  had it but you know i'm not talking [TS]

  about a fair sound like a cuddle [TS]

  I'm coming at it from a different [TS]

  perspective because of course as well as [TS]

  you remember I grew up in an in America [TS]

  but also far away from America in the [TS]

  great state of Alaska and loading here [TS]

  for it like a great cloud that's right [TS]

  America was already kind of a fetish [TS]

  item to us [TS]

  because these places were incredibly [TS]

  exotic like eastern Pennsylvania some [TS]

  some Adirondack mining town had was as [TS]

  exotic a place as as any place in the [TS]

  Ural Mountains to us you know what I [TS]

  mean like it wasn't just as foreign and [TS]

  so I can I came at all of that culture [TS]

  that then and include like Johnny little [TS]

  Johnny cougar and a pipe bomb she does [TS]

  oh and and and Bruce I mean now all of [TS]

  these guys and what I'm doing John [TS]

  Cougar kinda like that that farm aid [TS]

  phase where you got all that out loud [TS]

  and online who produces record yet that [TS]

  who's this little babrak yes Bob rocky [TS]

  went from kiss to john cougar but you [TS]

  know anything that Americans producing [TS]

  Shania Twain no that's my slang [TS]

  alright what about mutt lange it's also [TS]

  been a model objects [TS]

  I'm sorry I interrupted you yes but [TS]

  they're all fake heartland people well [TS]

  and that and that sense of Heartland was [TS]

  a thing that I already I already only [TS]

  understood as a cartoon right it was not [TS]

  a thing that we had direct exposure to [TS]

  so it seemed cartoonish already it's [TS]

  like the first time you land in New York [TS]

  and you walk up to a copier like a which [TS]

  way is the world trade center and the [TS]

  guy turns and he's like oh yeah you look [TS]

  for the World Trade Center a whatever [TS]

  and you're like what the fuck you're [TS]

  real [TS]

  oh yeah yeah that's like the that's like [TS]

  legit the Transit Authority like you [TS]

  hear all these jokes about there you go [TS]

  there like oh my god this is exactly [TS]

  what I imagined and it's horrible [TS]

  is that what's called us but that was [TS]

  that the place being wonders what am I [TS]

  thinking of what's called the not [TS]

  something and that's the Chicago out [TS]

  might think chicago transit authority [TS]

  yet it is not that the bus terminal but [TS]

  yeah you know what I mean you go in [TS]

  there just all like people laying in [TS]

  urine and nobody's actually waiting for [TS]

  any transit but you know even like [TS]

  what's funny though is with people like [TS]

  like Bob Seger god bless him he's got [TS]

  some good songs but then it's like sure [TS]

  down like a rock like commercial thing [TS]

  is something i guess i'm glad that made [TS]

  some money but like it was it exactly [TS]

  underscored like how silly that kind of [TS]

  like fake earnest you know successful [TS]

  rock musician thing is well and that and [TS]

  Jesus that mean that is the jumping-off [TS]

  point for for the deck kind of the whole [TS]

  cultural thought [TS]

  love it or leave it american culture and [TS]

  I guess it existed a long time before me [TS]

  Bob Seger was it was a cartoon with [TS]

  billy joel and Bob's here were kind of [TS]

  got a caricature and it was a cartoon [TS]

  when Bruce Springsteen was caricaturing [TS]

  it because it's a thing that goes back [TS]

  to what the war mean those guys are [TS]

  being nostalgic about World War to write [TS]

  more about their fathers their fathers [TS]

  experiences of coming home and coming [TS]

  home to this you know where we're all [TS]

  still suffering PTSD from having won the [TS]

  war and then not creating a utopia but [TS]

  instead 20-inch lasers at least having a [TS]

  time-release right recently said yeah [TS]

  yes exactly i think that's that's what [TS]

  kind of kicks kicked off a lot of that [TS]

  that stat a strain in some ways but also [TS]

  just the fact that there was a time in [TS]

  america american free tom was male with [TS]

  a high school education could get a job [TS]

  in an automobile factory or pink i'm not [TS]

  sure but you are but that was I mean [TS]

  that was a thing I mean GI Bill like [TS]

  that was there was a big you can get a [TS]

  graphic about it but that was a pretty [TS]

  good time and I'm really because the [TS]

  snatcher that well I sub i was reading [TS]

  this book [TS]

  not very long ago called the farm me see [TS]

  if I can find a copy of it here a book [TS]

  called the farm and it was written it [TS]

  was written in the early part of the [TS]

  20th century but in a very modern voice [TS]

  and it's a book of it's a sort of a [TS]

  nostalgic but but wise worldly book [TS]

  about this this this guy kind of looking [TS]

  back in his own family [TS]

  to the to the settling of the planes you [TS]

  know to a time when when his [TS]

  great-grandfather arrived in ohio and [TS]

  cleared the land and built the farmhouse [TS]

  that today is the oldest building in [TS]

  cleveland or something [TS]

  you're the oldest building in in akron [TS]

  let's say and at the time it was just [TS]

  all farm and they you know they lived [TS]

  together in one room while they were [TS]

  clearing the forest and eventually built [TS]

  on a second room and then a third room [TS]

  and pretty soon it they built this [TS]

  mansion and this book the farm it we [TS]

  were able from from our perspective [TS]

  yours in mind to cast back in our own [TS]

  imaginations and through our family [TS]

  histories and newsreels and books you [TS]

  know we can get back only so far before [TS]

  the reality of historical times becomes [TS]

  a becomes just a a just kind of a [TS]

  constellation of images right we don't [TS]

  have any sense of what it was really [TS]

  like we just have we just to put [TS]

  together some pictures in our mind from [TS]

  books and movies and so forth but this [TS]

  guy was writing this book at a time when [TS]

  a time prior to prior to really much [TS]

  very much media where he was a modern [TS]

  person in a modern writer a modern [TS]

  thinker but he was he had access to his [TS]

  grandparents who are still alive who [TS]

  were pre Civil War homesteaders and they [TS]

  were able to tell stories about their [TS]

  grandparents who arrived on the scene in [TS]

  1790 or whatever and so he was able to [TS]

  write about this stuff in a very direct [TS]

  way in a way that wasn't mitigated by [TS]

  having seen a lot of movies about and [TS]

  also you know who he didn't see it you [TS]

  know he was hearing about [TS]

  the pioneer times and talking about them [TS]

  in more more or less as a as a as a [TS]

  still very a live game of telephone he [TS]

  was like this is like the first order [TS]

  think he wasn't he wasn't removed from [TS]

  it and like reading about it or seen [TS]

  movies you're saying is like had direct [TS]

  access to this [TS]

  ya like like his great-great-great [TS]

  great-grandfather had five kids and the [TS]

  descendants of all of those five [TS]

  children were all people that he still [TS]

  knew or knew about like he could he [TS]

  could say like then this house got built [TS]

  over here and this clan lived in hit you [TS]

  know it was it was it there was a [TS]

  certain point where that got incredibly [TS]

  splintered at the end of the 19th [TS]

  century and now nobody can go [TS]

  nobody has the ability and in America [TS]

  except very few people to say like five [TS]

  six generations back and i still know [TS]

  all the cousins or I know who they are I [TS]

  know their names and I know I know where [TS]

  they ended up you know like that whether [TS]

  the great migrations of of of immigrants [TS]

  in the late 19th century just america's [TS]

  population just explode and everybody [TS]

  went running for the running for the [TS]

  corners but anyway this book is this [TS]

  book is a spectacular kind of glimpse of [TS]

  because he is experiencing nostalgia to [TS]

  he's experiencing nostalgia for sleigh [TS]

  rides you know that currier and ives [TS]

  nostalgia that we don't even know we [TS]

  don't even know where week we see we see [TS]

  a picture or we sing A Christmas Carol [TS]

  people riding in a sleigh horse-drawn [TS]

  sleigh and it's just it's just kind of a [TS]

  it's kichar it's part of our collective [TS]

  culture but this guy is saying like it's [TS]

  like carolers in a Dickens right like [TS]

  tableau or something [TS]

  yeah and he is talking with nostalgia [TS]

  about these things which have been lost [TS]

  to the motorcar [TS]

  in it but but again in a way that makes [TS]

  you really feel really feel it firsthand [TS]

  and we recognize that voice of like oh [TS]

  well used to be [TS]

  it used to be that a man could make his [TS]

  living off the land and it used to be [TS]

  that a you know like sure we had a we [TS]

  had an indentured servant who lived here [TS]

  but we put it we put his kids in [TS]

  somebody there to help out for free on [TS]

  farms yeah he liked their subsidies that [TS]

  are black people that and this was that [TS]

  you know are indentured servant was was [TS]

  an Irish guy but he came over here you [TS]

  know we paid his passage or whatever [TS]

  right and he worked for us his entire [TS]

  life but his kids you know went to [TS]

  school and became you know and one of [TS]

  them is a barber a little Sheamus and so [TS]

  you know but you're reading this kind of [TS]

  story and and I don't know if it it [TS]

  whenever I think about whenever I think [TS]

  about the nostalgia because by that by [TS]

  the time the nostalgia wave has reached [TS]

  us [TS]

  I mean eighty-five percent of what we [TS]

  think of as American culture is just [TS]

  this is just like misremembered [TS]

  nostalgic long mythology right right [TS]

  we were so we're such self mythologize [TS]

  were such a young country still and yet [TS]

  we have all these you know we have all [TS]

  these epic heroes and all these you know [TS]

  fallin fallin martyrs and and the the [TS]

  race of technology of the last 200 years [TS]

  it feels like an American story more [TS]

  than more than any other you so you can [TS]

  say like well a motor car was invented [TS]

  in the UK but it's really an American [TS]

  story and all these things are American [TS]

  steam engines [TS]

  so when i say when i hear that when i [TS]

  hear that Billy Joel nostalgia for the [TS]

  for the post-war factory worker in the [TS]

  context of like even the even the 40 [TS]

  years before his dad got a job at the [TS]

  mill let alone the hundred and forty [TS]

  years before it just feels like oh I [TS]

  gotta bury got a theory on that I mean I [TS]

  i have my life is full of mythologies [TS]

  and stories and stuff and you know ways [TS]

  of understanding the world but I mean [TS]

  until you become seen on life [TS]

  information and memories really only [TS]

  flow one way things never ending is your [TS]

  life rarely become less complicated as [TS]

  you get older and and the stories that [TS]

  you tell you tend to tell so I guess I'm [TS]

  trying to say is we start with ourselves [TS]

  and say like oh gosh haha boy I wish I [TS]

  was 14 again I would do that differently [TS]

  or you know i wish i had a job making [TS]

  the you know equivalent of what i make [TS]

  now except they spent less and you know [TS]

  what I would have done anything [TS]

  differently back then it was a simple [TS]

  everything was simple [TS]

  I mean that's how it feels everything [TS]

  physically you remember your pain you [TS]

  know you remember things like that you [TS]

  remember heartbreak or tragedy but by [TS]

  and large I think we yesterday seems [TS]

  less complicated than tomorrow for the [TS]

  prospect of tomorrow and I think that is [TS]

  not so different with the stories we [TS]

  tell ourselves and that's why we always [TS]

  get back to this things used to be [TS]

  simpler like every generation thinks the [TS]

  kids are are getting stupid and [TS]

  dangerous [TS]

  there's never been a generation that [TS]

  thought their kids were better than they [TS]

  were they meant if wanted more for them [TS]

  but they think they got more sass mouth [TS]

  there they're having more intercourse [TS]

  they're doing more alcohol and drugs to [TS]

  do more dangerous careless things that [TS]

  are not having to work as hard [TS]

  I don't think there's that many [TS]

  generations that that has have skipped [TS]

  on that I think almost everybody feels [TS]

  like they worked harder than their kids [TS]

  and their parents probably worked harder [TS]

  than them and and and everything used to [TS]

  seem simpler but you know what things [TS]

  were simpler they're simpler because a [TS]

  bunch of people died because there were [TS]

  no vaccinations and regular because [TS]

  white people ran everything and you [TS]

  didn't have to be confused by the black [TS]

  lady at the starbucks and it was simpler [TS]

  in a way that benefit you but like use [TS]

  you know the thing is the good old days [TS]

  weren't all that good [TS]

  and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems [TS]

  your kids that Billy Joel eric 08 before [TS]

  that was me [TS]

  oh god I picked the balls i think it's [TS]

  true though I think people are always [TS]

  there they are pining for the fjords [TS]

  they're always looking back to those [TS]

  days that seems so simple and they [TS]

  weren't they weren't simple like all [TS]

  those times that like your little kid [TS]

  and you remember that way because he [TS]

  didn't know enough to know how fucked up [TS]

  everything was no I think you can get [TS]

  past that whole like how much people [TS]

  just used to die for dumb reasons [TS]

  literally losing the hand losing a hand [TS]

  of farm machinery getting some dumb [TS]

  disease i told you about a I don't get [TS]

  into it I told you about a health scare [TS]

  my family had the other day there was [TS]

  some turned out to be not what we [TS]

  worried it would be that was fucking [TS]

  harrowing I mean we found out that our [TS]

  family have potentially been exposed to [TS]

  a deadly disease and as it turned out it [TS]

  was a mixup at the hospital but I don't [TS]

  get into a bit but like that's the kind [TS]

  of thing used to having people all the [TS]

  time they go oh by the way your kid's [TS]

  gonna be blind lose an arm because they [TS]

  did this one thing that's what like you [TS]

  still get a wholly-owned you're gonna [TS]

  walk around with the with a brace on [TS]

  your leg flexes you're staying in the [TS]

  house from now on and not going outside [TS]

  and breathing well I mean this is why [TS]

  there for many years and I and I cannot [TS]

  escape this this idea even still i am [TS]

  one of the people and I you may scoff [TS]

  but I'm one of the people that he may I [TS]

  i allow you to scott also incidentally [TS]

  yeah I found the book the farm here and [TS]

  it is written by Lewis bromfield if [TS]

  anybody's interested field Louis [TS]

  bromfield he can't see us [TS]

  I'm one of these people who continues to [TS]

  hold out the possibility that he will [TS]

  sell everything and move on to a [TS]

  sailboat [TS]

  and as as much as I recognize that that [TS]

  is a that is put a terrible idea [TS]

  I also a it's an inescapable one like I [TS]

  keep feeling like at some point i am [TS]

  going to have to do this because I so my [TS]

  mom's boyfriend that that that will [TS]

  cover just Johnny roads to her that [TS]

  relationship has run its course [TS]

  oh really that had happened very fast is [TS]

  fast at the long weekend didn't go so [TS]

  that's that will know I think it went [TS]

  well but it's just you know it's just a [TS]

  fortunately for me my mother is still [TS]

  herself and did not get swept away she [TS]

  can take that pumps and everything is [TS]

  back to normal she came but you came [TS]

  back to her senses but it but but the [TS]

  experience of i see i guess it's an [TS]

  experience that I that I have going to [TS]

  going to so many estate sales with the [TS]

  with with a our mutual friend Chad I got [TS]

  we go to a lot of state sales or he goes [TS]

  to a lot more than I do you know you [TS]

  come into these people's houses and you [TS]

  see their collections and you see them [TS]

  and you see that they were hoping that [TS]

  their things were going to stave off [TS]

  death and he realized that all of the [TS]

  you know they're 150 shot glasses in a [TS]

  in a custom-made case on the wall all [TS]

  they are all they ended up being because [TS]

  their kids don't want them all they [TS]

  ended up being was just another thing [TS]

  that some estate sale company had to put [TS]

  a little price tag on and it and a lot [TS]

  of it gets old and some of it just goes [TS]

  to the thrift store but you you go into [TS]

  these houses and you say like oh right [TS]

  everybody's trying to like hoarding and [TS]

  collecting crapple is exceptionally [TS]

  common it seems like maybe one of the [TS]

  number one ways that people [TS]

  that people build a framework to hold [TS]

  back time are they build up build some [TS]

  sugar candy Montgomery damn yeah right [TS]

  like no no no I'm gonna be like books [TS]

  they had never read that they will never [TS]

  read and and useless item upon useless [TS]

  item and I come back it's also it's also [TS]

  like an aspiration think it's like all [TS]

  the things that should happen as well [TS]

  right right the yacht club that they [TS]

  that they one day are going to join the [TS]

  sailboat there one day going to move [TS]

  onto and I look at my own collection of [TS]

  everything and I golike ok I'll I for [TS]

  instance i love our crumb and over the [TS]

  years I have collected a just not not as [TS]

  a collector but just out of interest in [TS]

  him I have collected a great number of [TS]

  our crumb comics because I every time I [TS]

  saw when I would buy because i like [TS]

  because i like his art and now I hold [TS]

  them I hold on to them because part of [TS]

  me imagines that one day I will [TS]

  introduce my children to the work of our [TS]

  chrome and they and their minds will be [TS]

  expanded but I know that that is not [TS]

  going to happen like the chances of the [TS]

  chances of like my daughter going [TS]

  through my books and finding our crumb [TS]

  and finding him at all interesting or [TS]

  appealing are like next 20 it's about [TS]

  ourselves so yeah so I'm carrying these [TS]

  are chrome with me and I look at my I'm [TS]

  in my forties right now I'm looking at [TS]

  these are crumbs on on the shelf and I'm [TS]

  thinking oh I could be i could slip [TS]

  these around for 40 more years and then [TS]

  never maybe I'll read them one more time [TS]

  but like I don't consult them they are [TS]

  books that are there they're among the [TS]

  ten thousand books i have back to this [TS]

  problem you talk about on time ago that [TS]

  think there's cubic inches of your life [TS]

  that we take being taken up by all these [TS]

  things that you have this like uncertain [TS]

  non-existent or unnecessary relationship [TS]

  too right yeah like by and I begin [TS]

  somewhere inches its cubic-inch [TS]

  especially that's the important thing [TS]

  it's got depth i'm beginning to think [TS]

  that and wait [TS]

  all go everything including I mean [TS]

  including everything but the very [TS]

  smallest box of family photos you know [TS]

  the rest of it like if I need to read [TS]

  the hobbit again i can find i think i [TS]

  can find one day I can find a copy and [TS]

  you know and the copy you know the copy [TS]

  of The Hobbit i have is something I [TS]

  checked out from the library [TS]

  30 years ago and never returned it still [TS]

  has the Dewey Decimal tags on the side i [TS]

  should probably take it back i should [TS]

  probably I should do one of those [TS]

  library think it's like a former coach [TS]

  on [TS]

  I mean as long as you don't commit the [TS]

  crime now it's okay that you keep the [TS]

  old one you can have eaten any camera [TS]

  for commission right you can have a [TS]

  bitch for you know what you could do [TS]

  what you could do is you could certainly [TS]

  do that that's a little bit crazy and [TS]

  seems like the beginning of self-harm [TS]

  but you could also do is this is to keep [TS]

  your favorite your favorite candelabra [TS]

  your favorite pair of cowboy boots your [TS]

  favorite brow playboy box the rest up [TS]

  put it in a storage shed for six months [TS]

  and see how you feel about him and then [TS]

  if you want so you know what I mrs. [TS]

  Brown's boys but I'm gonna frame five of [TS]

  them and put them on the wall and make [TS]

  it a making a thing because right now [TS]

  i'm gonna miss the inertia let me see if [TS]

  i could say what your problem is you [TS]

  know what is that stuff hasn't moved in [TS]

  either of you and that's another here's [TS]

  here's the thing John going to talk [TS]

  about here [TS]

  you can't sliced tomato unless you buy a [TS]

  knife and that's gonna hurt my back five [TS]

  minutes I don't know showing on anymore [TS]

  because dr. Phil's sound like Bill [TS]

  Clinton or is your dr. Phil just I just [TS]

  I i used to have different southern [TS]

  voices and now they are kind of selling [TS]

  foghorn leghorn up for one of each and [TS]

  put the rest away the exercise will be [TS]

  good for you [TS]

  it's not that costly and I know this is [TS]

  a is a hacked on a bacon hack but you [TS]

  know it's an old trick that lots of [TS]

  people suggested which is that you know [TS]

  if you got some kibble around the house [TS]

  under your big the located in a lot of [TS]

  people you get rid of that stuff put in [TS]

  a bag or box for the date on it and if [TS]

  you don't need anything from the box and [TS]

  six months throw it away [TS]

  nothing she did it for broke playboy [TS]

  that special materials give this to me [TS]

  if you need to get rid of them but well [TS]

  I can't I can't escape like when I was [TS]

  younger when I was a younger [TS]

  and I was acquiring these things because [TS]

  I was imagining populating myfuturelife [TS]

  with them [TS]

  absolutely and imagine the big like [TS]

  Bruce Wayne library with all that stuff [TS]

  and like a globe rights right right [TS]

  people would come into my house and they [TS]

  would be astonished by my by my one [TS]

  half-scale replica of the fucker tribe [TS]

  they would say my god man does it fly [TS]

  and I said honey is so eclectic I got in [TS]

  Africa rafa but now i'm in my life i am [TS]

  presently in the escape it and all of [TS]

  this stuff is it [TS]

  I literally do have a Bruce Wayne [TS]

  library that that that has I not a [TS]

  half-scale Fokker triplane but tri-motor [TS]

  but a bit like a one-eighth-scale and my [TS]

  red red baron plane know the fucker [TS]

  tri-motor was a was a piano fucker right [TS]

  that was a well let's see what the [TS]

  record Aaron oh wait a minute i am [TS]

  conflating two airplanes the Fokker [TS]

  triplane and be ford trimotor oh that's [TS]

  right motor was a was a 3 engine [TS]

  passenger plane the handsome a high and [TS]

  and the Fokker airplane in the scale it [TS]

  would look great in a study but it but [TS]

  alongside all the other things it's [TS]

  accumulating yes well it'sit's not it [TS]

  isn't just that it's continuously [TS]

  accumulating it's like you're saying i [TS]

  feel i feel like a like yo soul the [TS]

  Austrian glacier man stuck stuck with my [TS]

  little bag of of of muesli it definitely [TS]

  need to get rid of some puts and my my [TS]

  homemade herb for boots is it from a [TS]

  commercial or a book now you know the [TS]

  guy I'm talking about ricola yeah but [TS]

  the but yeah that guy the one that was [TS]

  though that that now they've decided was [TS]

  killed in a battle still not enough not [TS]

  to sound like a lost right now and him [TS]

  you don't talk about the guy in the in [TS]

  the cough drop commercial no i'm talking [TS]

  about the prehistoric man who was frozen [TS]

  in a glacier in [TS]

  still that's that's not Lucy not Lucy no [TS]

  okay Lucy is just a bone fragment and a [TS]

  story [TS]

  nice this is a classy this is it said [TS]

  about ladies all that Lucy's just a [TS]

  fragment of a jaw and a good tale but [TS]

  this guy okay [TS]

  the Austrian his name's not yo soul [TS]

  honey think that's a million sorry I'm [TS]

  tired after tea you know whatever his [TS]

  name is beautiful [TS]

  mhm no soul it's a the Paleolithic a [TS]

  bugler right right who who died on a [TS]

  glacier and was frozen for for literally [TS]

  thousands of years [TS]

  ok and the whole time he was in a [TS]

  glacier with his little bag of of of [TS]

  grain and his his his quiver of arrows [TS]

  he was probably thinking I don't have so [TS]

  much stuff i'm a little lost the [TS]

  analogies this is you your notes or I'm [TS]

  yo to my stuff is the glacier and what's [TS]

  the grain but a getting very hot today [TS]

  salt shaker by accident [TS]