Roderick on the Line

Ep. 83: "The Roderick Group"


  hello hey john i'm marilyn is going to [TS]

  move [TS]

  ja don't take your love to town [TS]

  mmm god it's early 50s he is a word is [TS]

  that the worm has turned [TS]

  I just looked that phrase up not but two [TS]

  days ago [TS]

  yeah German know what Shakespeare ah I [TS]

  knew that it was Shakespeare but i [TS]

  thought i thought that it meant i've [TS]

  been using of course as we all have [TS]

  forever and I thought that it meant now [TS]

  the now the jig is up now the shoes on [TS]

  the other foot now the you know what I [TS]

  mean it's like with the switcheroo has [TS]

  been pulled a switcheroo has been pulled [TS]

  that's exactly right but in fact in [TS]

  Shakespeare it means literally that even [TS]

  the worm one day will rise up if you [TS]

  insult him enough if you dance if he who [TS]

  if you step on the worm even the worm [TS]

  will turn and I i think i like that one [TS]

  better [TS]

  I liked it better to and i was [TS]

  astonished at how how neutered the term [TS]

  had become over the centuries you know [TS]

  if you just sort of like oh the worm has [TS]

  turned [TS]

  murmur but in fact it means no the worm [TS]

  will rise up [TS]

  and fight you even the worm [TS]

  oh it's it's really killing its gnarly [TS]

  yeah so all of a sudden I no longer feel [TS]

  like I can use the worm has turned in [TS]

  the mundane events of my normal life I [TS]

  have just I have to save it until I am I [TS]

  mean it's like it's some shit that a [TS]

  that so that a superhero would say when [TS]

  they had almost completely been [TS]

  vanquished I don't want to talk about [TS]

  comic books but no I don't know it's a [TS]

  heavy it's a heavy i think it's good [TS]

  enough i don't know if this is the [TS]

  chrome uses the term correctly it's [TS]

  gonna keep my powder dry i like it so [TS]

  much that i'm only gonna use it a couple [TS]

  times a year [TS]

  yeah yeah that's always going to be if [TS]

  I've really let's say I'm talking to [TS]

  like a doorman or something and I just [TS]

  want to say that's enough [TS]

  mmm the water my friend has turned [TS]

  except in almost every instance that i [TS]

  normally use it the other person is the [TS]

  worm and now I'm realizing i am i'm [TS]

  basically calling their I'm calm I'm [TS]

  singing their their anthem and in fact I [TS]

  should let them say the now serve the [TS]

  worm has turned [TS]

  that's about the security guard you know [TS]

  in which every episode that was she [TS]

  should have said the worm has turned [TS]

  you're a lot like Samuel Jackson in so [TS]

  many ways in Pulp Fiction you know where [TS]

  at the end he you know he's been saying [TS]

  that bible verse over and over and he [TS]

  realized it means something else he said [TS]

  now that's right i just realized the [TS]

  worm has turned is some cold-blooded [TS]

  ship [TS]

  yeah exactly and he's going through a [TS]

  transitional period [TS]

  yeah yeah that's right he's the baby's [TS]

  late may be laying his guns down [TS]

  you're kind of going through it right [TS]

  your kind of a kind of worm is turning [TS]

  into a butterfly [TS]

  I'm feeling I'm you know I've been [TS]

  laying my guns down lately and I really [TS]

  don't know what's going to come of it [TS]

  someone wrote me a very nice letter the [TS]

  other day saying you know I think that [TS]

  people's the we all joke like that this [TS]

  podcast is helpful to people but then [TS]

  there's the there's the next level with [TS]

  which is people saying all kidding aside [TS]

  it really does help and then there's the [TS]

  you know their multiple levels of [TS]

  are you really kidding there's people [TS]

  checking our word shorts that's not [TS]

  really kidding aside [TS]

  yeah there's people that are mad at us [TS]

  for every other thing we say yeah you [TS]

  know I got a lot of that only talk about [TS]

  the show on the show but I i saw a lot [TS]

  of nice response to that too it's it's [TS]

  almost like you're your follow-up on the [TS]

  well stroll in some ways I just like to [TS]

  congratulate cut all this out that well [TS]

  but but uh but I got a lot of got a nice [TS]

  letter from somebody saying that you [TS]

  should you should legitimately like [TS]

  compile your thoughts into some kind of [TS]

  volume because if they if those thoughts [TS]

  were all in one place that would be a [TS]

  very helpful manual for people natural [TS]

  do agree I agree with that [TS]

  well no and this is the problem up [TS]

  because i am i'm more and more all the [TS]

  time i am announcing my own code in the [TS]

  sense that I although well this is the [TS]

  problem although people are terrible [TS]

  drivers and although they are bad [TS]

  citizens and although they need [TS]

  corrective measures and many many many [TS]

  many many people every day should get a [TS]

  light punch in the nose some should get [TS]

  a stronger punch in the nose but i but I [TS]

  no longer feel confident that that may [TS]

  be history isn't against us like that [TS]

  that what seems to us to be a passing [TS]

  phase which is that this that the [TS]

  culture is like so concerned with in the [TS]

  in the parlance of merlin mann like [TS]

  where's my parade this like where's my [TS]

  parade culture and the and the egg like [TS]

  overwhelming focus on rights that are [TS]

  being infringed upon and and you know [TS]

  like a constant kind of licking of our [TS]

  wounds and and doubling down on our like [TS]

  our Pete you know like p IQ you e huh [TS]

  but it seems like with every passing day [TS]

  this is the language now this is the way [TS]

  that people think [TS]

  and speak that the the the insidious in [TS]

  the summit doesn't doesn't mean that it [TS]

  isn't the new truth and more and more I [TS]

  feel like I don't want to be on the [TS]

  wrong side of history even if I feel [TS]

  like history has turned to turn wrong [TS]

  like I I need to be able to i need to be [TS]

  able to say to people like that there's [TS]

  a better way or there's a more elegant [TS]

  way without just without fuming so much [TS]

  you know what I mean I feel like I feel [TS]

  like a fume and that that isn't that [TS]

  isn't am what at an infertile response [TS]

  to anything really fuming is the is the [TS]

  most neutered response and I need to be [TS]

  more active and I don't and I so I have [TS]

  to engage have to engage this culture on [TS]

  its terms and I resent it [TS]

  well you know the attitude that you have [TS]

  had fairly recently historically makes [TS]

  sense [TS]

  um if if you're in a in a club and [TS]

  somebody slaps you with a white glove [TS]

  your entire and you like you're totally [TS]

  entitled to get that person to punch in [TS]

  the nose [TS]

  it's just it's like a lot of people who [TS]

  don't really know you are emailing your [TS]

  gloves and that doesn't scale well and [TS]

  also like I like it seems almost like [TS]

  the like the kind of apocryphal guy who [TS]

  who believes in a gentleman's handshake [TS]

  and then the unscrupulous developer [TS]

  shows up with bulldozers and tears down [TS]

  his house [TS]

  because the guy didn't read the fine [TS]

  print and although we all agree that the [TS]

  guy who didn't begin the guy who [TS]

  believes in a in a gentleman's agreement [TS]

  is like morally ethically the hero of [TS]

  that of that poem he still got his house [TS]

  torn down and he still is [TS]

  you know like you have to learn the you [TS]

  have to learn to read the fine print it [TS]

  seems like now more and more the fine [TS]

  print is oversensitivity hyper [TS]

  consciousness of language to the [TS]

  exclusion of meaning and uh you know and [TS]

  a complete focus on the surface of the [TS]

  the surface like realms of umbrage and [TS]

  insult and very little interest in the [TS]

  it in general ism and in well that's [TS]

  that's what sells [TS]

  I mean it's you know why don't you but [TS]

  the but these are these are the college [TS]

  kids these are the kids that used to sit [TS]

  in and debate mean even 20 years ago sit [TS]

  and debate the finer points of yeah but [TS]

  there's a part of the problem with that [TS]

  is that right now are transgender rights [TS]

  are indistinguishable from liking [TS]

  android and people want to have the same [TS]

  kind of you know incredibly heated [TS]

  argument that goes nowhere basically [TS]

  comes down to i wish more people agree [TS]

  to be like me and and that is generally [TS]

  not a fruitful way to go and I think [TS]

  history is boring that out part of the [TS]

  problem with the parade thing in my [TS]

  opinion is that you know if you want to [TS]

  parade go start your own fucking parade [TS]

  and don't care who comes and don't care [TS]

  who likes it or not that's that that is [TS]

  you know where thats empowerment [TS]

  empowerment is not sitting around and [TS]

  waiting for people to use the right word [TS]

  to make you feel like a whole human it's [TS]

  going out and living your life the way [TS]

  that you want and being imperturbable [TS]

  about the people who see you is less [TS]

  than you want to be and and there's no [TS]

  amount of parsing language is going to [TS]

  fucking improve that it's just it can't [TS]

  be done [TS]

  maybe in time everybody will evolve with [TS]

  the best way for that to evolve as [TS]

  everybody who wants to be in that parade [TS]

  all walking in the same direction [TS]

  don't worry about it likes it or not [TS]

  yeah unfortunately if I had chosen to [TS]

  live in a world [TS]

  well if I have if I had chosen in [TS]

  college to be an electrical engineer i [TS]

  would take the job John that isn't it [TS]

  how it's a good paying job I would be [TS]

  now living in a culture of Engineers [TS]

  specifically electrical engineers and [TS]

  within the within our flights right [TS]

  that's like being the car radio dr. [TS]

  official engineer within our culture us [TS]

  electrical engineers sitting around at [TS]

  are drafting tables and our autocad [TS]

  terminals and you know whatever our bar [TS]

  function machines the culture of our of [TS]

  our profession in our our side of the [TS]

  world you know generally electrical [TS]

  engineers tend to be very [TS]

  process-oriented and you know and and [TS]

  within that I would be able to pretty [TS]

  much adopt you know with whatever kind [TS]

  of worldview I wanted to and and [TS]

  maintain it regardless [TS]

  irrespective of what the outside world [TS]

  is doing because I'm living in my [TS]

  electrical engineer igloo or my my [TS]

  Trapper minor trappers ball gang or [TS]

  whatever but you know i have chosen to [TS]

  be someone who is engaged with the [TS]

  culture specifically the leftist culture [TS]

  not just in America but in the world and [TS]

  the progressive you know i have chosen [TS]

  to be a progressive this is the problem [TS]

  i have chosen to be a progressive I am [TS]

  NOT a long time I am a person who is who [TS]

  spent his whole life engaged in the in [TS]

  the culture of ideas and this is the [TS]

  this is where the culture of ideas seems [TS]

  to be trending and I mean you know so [TS]

  often I get letters or you and I get [TS]

  letters from people who work in [TS]

  universities [TS]

  and who appreciate what we do and yet at [TS]

  the end of the at the end of the page [TS]

  they always feel very good naturedly [TS]

  like they need to just kind of add like [TS]

  one little tag sentence one little tag [TS]

  at the end saying something about you [TS]

  know how we need to take more feminist [TS]

  theory classes or how ping pong is this [TS]

  ping-pong or whatever you know some [TS]

  little just like good-natured but still [TS]

  pointed lecture that we're doing it [TS]

  wrong and and all you know and it's all [TS]

  it always comes from the same place that [TS]

  we are we that the they love that we are [TS]

  thinking outside of the of the the [TS]

  mental block or the the mental apartment [TS]

  blocks but that in the end they're also [TS]

  confident that that we're doing it wrong [TS]

  that we are that that we are at that [TS]

  joke racism isn't funny that that joke [TS]

  that joking isn't funny when it is about [TS]

  these uber serious topics of identity [TS]

  and like and pick [TS]

  because I'm because i have chosen [TS]

  progressivism as my language like I [TS]

  can't make myself involved horrible to [TS]

  that you know what I mean like I can't [TS]

  say you don't get it you're not you [TS]

  don't dig it like you're not hip or [TS]

  whatever like i have to engage [TS]

  progressives on their turf and but don't [TS]

  you I mean there must be things that you [TS]

  enjoy except for this one thing it's [TS]

  just that you don't feel the need to i'm [TS]

  not trying to sound ungrateful for [TS]

  somebody and liking it I mean I I can [TS]

  speak for myself it's just it doesn't [TS]

  bother me because it's everybody's [TS]

  entitled to an opinion for sure and it's [TS]

  nice that people want to make some kind [TS]

  of connection but take to maybe maybe to [TS]

  your point I think I you know I'm not [TS]

  crazy about that word brand but it's [TS]

  hard to get away from we have a personal [TS]

  brand about how we want the world to see [TS]

  us and what things we choose you choose [TS]

  to associate ourselves with and part of [TS]

  brand is in some ways story and his [TS]

  first story to make sense it has to have [TS]

  a beginning a middle and an end and the [TS]

  stories that we tell ourselves have to [TS]

  make sense and they have to not have [TS]

  plot holes and the rebranding because [TS]

  when you have a story in your head about [TS]

  how something goes your beer as much as [TS]

  you might really enjoy something or [TS]

  really you know not just this but [TS]

  whatever it might be something you [TS]

  really enjoy but you know when you find [TS]

  out the dome lawyers drove drunk you [TS]

  can't help but have that like not sit [TS]

  right in your head if you turn it over [TS]

  because it doesn't fit the story doesn't [TS]

  fit the brand i think that's what it is [TS]

  and I think that gets heavily amplified [TS]

  on the web and social media interactions [TS]

  because that's this we don't you know we [TS]

  stopped noticing you know the huge [TS]

  amount of DNA that has us similar [TS]

  meaning mostly you know people who can [TS]

  afford to have a computer and an [TS]

  internet connection and it goes into [TS]

  that narcissism of minor differences [TS]

  about this one thing we can't reconcile [TS]

  in that story and that's what people get [TS]

  fixated on and you know and that's [TS]

  integration sit around singing Kumbayah [TS]

  I'm saying just you know it can be just [TS]

  like do their own thing to be fucked up [TS]

  and have that be ok [TS]

  like it's white what why do you know ill [TS]

  there's always been bad parties and [TS]

  we've always had the ability to walk [TS]

  away from them [TS]

  you know you you need a better class of [TS]

  people and your races friend you and [TS]

  your racist friend nothing if I seem a [TS]

  little distracted these cuts there [TS]

  beeping when i first moved into this [TS]

  house my neighbors said you gotta get an [TS]

  alarm have to get an alarm for your [TS]

  house because there are a lot of [TS]

  Breaking and enterings and I was like [TS]

  mmm yeah I have my own security system [TS]

  in the form of Tiger traps [TS]

  it's in the umbrella stand by the book [TS]

  but but they were like no no you know [TS]

  like a good friend of mine his house got [TS]

  broken into like three times and he has [TS]

  dogs and i think that the feeds just [TS]

  like actually threw some steaks up on [TS]

  the porch the dogs ran out on the porch [TS]

  to get the stakes let's see mister the [TS]

  cat ran in shut the door behind the dogs [TS]

  and then took everything and so I was [TS]

  like okay I'm gonna get an alarm system [TS]

  but then it and then it was that's that [TS]

  same process that you go through anytime [TS]

  you want a service now just like [TS]

  ordering the heart rate of phone or the [TS]

  internet or whatever it's like a whole [TS]

  menu of different expect you know [TS]

  different services and attendant charges [TS]

  none of them are the right the menu is [TS]

  never right it's like wait a minute [TS]

  it's like the Wright brothers when i get [TS]

  like looking in the age of paper planes [TS]

  and bicycle engine it is I thought about [TS]

  doing that and i found it was like [TS]

  buying an Adobe product it was [TS]

  completely inscrutable the options and [TS]

  the names and the features and benefits [TS]

  i find it totally overwhelming it's the [TS]

  worst and it's a you know I cancelled my [TS]

  cable because I was insulted that [TS]

  internet cost whatever it costs a [TS]

  hundred dollars and cable was five [TS]

  dollars extra it's like why I don't [TS]

  subscribe to the new york times because [TS]

  they're like the sunday New York Times [TS]

  eight dollars of dollars a month and [TS]

  then you can get it every single day of [TS]

  the week for eight dollars and [TS]

  twenty-five cents you're like fuck you [TS]

  you know what that's just that I think [TS]

  dangerous [TS]

  that's right it's User so but but my [TS]

  friends were like you got to get this [TS]

  alarm system so i got an alarm so [TS]

  system installed but I don't have a [TS]

  landline so yeah I had to get an alarm [TS]

  system that was cell phone-based so when [TS]

  somebody breaks into your house it over [TS]

  the seller for your convenience over the [TS]

  cellular wires it sends an alert and I [TS]

  knew that it was I knew that it was a [TS]

  placebo you know I knew that this thing [TS]

  would never protect me from burglary or [TS]

  from fire from anything but it was a [TS]

  thing that every time I leave the house [TS]

  I push the buttons on the wall [TS]

  it gives me a reassuring series of beeps [TS]

  and I walk out of the house secure in [TS]

  the knowledge that there is a fake thing [TS]

  guarding my house and that that that [TS]

  that this fake thing is going to act [TS]

  somehow as a deterrent against whatever [TS]

  like methi burglar once in my house but [TS]

  but I knew the whole time it is a [TS]

  cheap-ass system if it went off [TS]

  none of my neighbors would hear it let [TS]

  alone respond to it [TS]

  the company itself probably probably the [TS]

  alarm would there be so many dropped [TS]

  calls that it would take 20 minutes to [TS]

  send the message and then the cops would [TS]

  be here four hours later but just [TS]

  recently the alarm has decided after 45 [TS]

  years of being in my house that it is [TS]

  having a malfunction and now it just [TS]

  beeps at random times and i called the [TS]

  company and went through a whole process [TS]

  with the put their customer service [TS]

  person where [TS]

  she tried everything she could to fix it [TS]

  from a from a long distance to no avail [TS]

  and now it wakes me up in the middle of [TS]

  the night right now it's beeping [TS]

  downstairs eat and I feel like I not [TS]

  only do I feel like ripping it out of [TS]

  the wall but I feel like ripping I feel [TS]

  like ripping like America out of the [TS]

  wall you know there's there there [TS]

  this is the model that this company has [TS]

  this company knows that it is a shit [TS]

  service for for the for those keeping [TS]

  track it is called monitronics that is [TS]

  the name on the tracks at a local [TS]

  company or no it is not it so it's one [TS]

  of these like it's a it's a national [TS]

  company it is probably owned by a series [TS]

  of offshore shell companies and and [TS]

  ultimately it is owned by General [TS]

  Electric or by album it's probably owned [TS]

  by Albert and it is it is a it's a [TS]

  pyramid scheme kind of company where [TS]

  they are true what they're trying to do [TS]

  is get more customers all the time [TS]

  they're not trying to provide service [TS]

  you know like they're out there just [TS]

  just steps just like going going door to [TS]

  door trying to recruit people into their [TS]

  listen to that it doesn't really do it [TS]

  that often is it really going that often [TS]

  well it is never done this before [TS]

  until I sat down to do this podcast and [TS]

  all the sudden I was like that thing [TS]

  just beeped out twice and now it's it's [TS]

  every I think it's happening every 45 [TS]

  seconds be mindful right and that's and [TS]

  so right now it's like it is really [TS]

  keeping me in the present but but but [TS]

  it's an example like I remember you [TS]

  remember when I when I left verizon and [TS]

  I had been on verizon the verizon had my [TS]

  first cell phone and I was on verizon [TS]

  for eight years or something like that [TS]

  and I wanted to get an iphone and they [TS]

  didn't have it and I said to the lady [TS]

  and I called him up and I was like I've [TS]

  been on month-to-month for like five [TS]

  years now I'm canceling my service [TS]

  because i want to get an iphone and I [TS]

  have to go to AT&T I don't like them any [TS]

  better but i but I want to I want to I [TS]

  want to make this move [TS]

  and she said well you came in a year and [TS]

  a half ago because you dropped your [TS]

  phone in the bathtub and at that time [TS]

  you signed a new contract and so you're [TS]

  not on month-to-month you are under [TS]

  contract to us and it's going to cost [TS]

  you three hundred dollars to get out of [TS]

  this contract I was like I did no such [TS]

  thing I dropped my phone in the tub and [TS]

  i came in and i paid someone and she's [TS]

  in Russia can that you didn't read the [TS]

  fine print didn't read the fine print [TS]

  and they did not you know that there [TS]

  that's their game they didn't tell me [TS]

  that I was signing a new contract they [TS]

  said well we give you this brand new [TS]

  phone for only twenty-five dollars and I [TS]

  was like shocks you guys are nice and so [TS]

  I was so mad and I'm talking to this [TS]

  woman on the phone and I was like this [TS]

  is your idea of customer service like [TS]

  I'll never use verizon again and she [TS]

  said quite wisely you are calling to [TS]

  cancel your verizon service [TS]

  why what I think you were going to use [TS]

  verizon again and ice and I I thought [TS]

  about a person I was like you know life [TS]

  is long lady like there's there's [TS]

  another 50 years of me interacting with [TS]

  phone companies and you are you're [TS]

  you're you're like you're burning this [TS]

  bridge right now with me over some [TS]

  couple hundred bucks but that's here you [TS]

  know that's your attitude and your [TS]

  attitude is that next next time you'll [TS]

  have the iphone and then I'll just like [TS]

  a little patient lamb i'll just be led [TS]

  over to be tied up at your Corral that [TS]

  was kind of a tortured metaphor [TS]

  yeah I anyway so this miss monitronics [TS]

  thing and I just I feel like I don't [TS]

  know it's a i'm back to wanting to put a [TS]

  flamethrower to everybody and I'm I just [TS]

  don't feel like that's I can't continue [TS]

  to be my my method [TS]

  well ma I i like that continues sounding [TS]

  very sage and and and distant from these [TS]

  things about it that much mean [TS]

  incredibly emotional it makes me want to [TS]

  tear America out of the wall and because [TS]

  every single one of the shit storm [TS]

  there's not one of them that you can get [TS]

  mobbed up with it's going to be good i [TS]

  mean ask how many people you see walking [TS]

  around in a verizon sure [TS]

  and being really happy like he just [TS]

  doesn't have the verizon tattoo sure [TS]

  what it's all your eyes and can judge me [TS]

  it's all the startups down in San [TS]

  Francisco just like disruptive to shovel [TS]

  that shit out the door and then you know [TS]

  and let people let you know just like [TS]

  let people deal with it i guess and [TS]

  we'll we'll have we'll have our we'll [TS]

  have our hundred million dollars and [TS]

  will be under the next garbage pile i [TS]

  had a similar calling experience as long [TS]

  as we're talking about customer service [TS]

  really get back to food & parenting but [TS]

  Deion this one's really killed me [TS]

  I at some point something happened I [TS]

  don't know later on I want to like do [TS]

  something different with my myphone find [TS]

  out if i'm eligible for a thing and they [TS]

  go oh well you know your seems you you [TS]

  actually you just reach up your contract [TS]

  you know a few months ago and I was like [TS]

  oh my like what an auto- thing and like [TS]

  you know you each you know when you you [TS]

  changed your options [TS]

  I asked you to drip login pin close even [TS]

  better i added a service i add a [TS]

  tethering so that I could use my phone [TS]

  you know to to connect you know using [TS]

  the ipad i could tether my phone so I i [TS]

  asked them to charge me extra for [TS]

  something that's really pretty much [TS]

  invisible non-service and that renewed [TS]

  my contract with them which it yeah but [TS]

  that's really gracious of them to you [TS]

  know but you know you pay for it and [TS]

  then you get that and you know that's [TS]

  like the whole thing you know that the [TS]

  part that I can't reconcile on this [TS]

  story is that like I really wish I could [TS]

  just deal with people and have a [TS]

  relationship that didn't feel like I [TS]

  constantly have to monitor like exactly [TS]

  how and when I'm being fucked [TS]

  yeah it and whether that's something [TS]

  like a company who keeps emailing me [TS]

  stuff even though I never signed up for [TS]

  anything Jonny silly stuff like that but [TS]

  I mean you know you think about what you [TS]

  pay for phone it really really adds up [TS]

  and it makes me it makes my world small [TS]

  because i do stuff like right now I have [TS]

  my phone forward to google voice just [TS]

  because I don't get real phone calls [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  yeah the vast majority of calls that I [TS]

  get like this afternoon i got a phone [TS]

  call I don't know what it's about i [TS]

  don't speak spanish i think it might be [TS]

  about 35 mortgages you don't have a [TS]

  mortgage [TS]

  I know [TS]

  I got a phone domino's I get you know I [TS]

  had a guy come and fix my aunt problem i [TS]

  finally had a disturbing that's great [TS]

  well wait wait for it like the guy cums [TS]

  he's like and the woman on the phone I [TS]

  said how much is a costume and she says [TS]

  well answer really hard to eradicate [TS]

  will have a guy come out with a free [TS]

  estimate was like a free estimate so the [TS]

  guy comes out and of course like he [TS]

  comes out at eight thirty in the morning [TS]

  and I have somewhere to be that one did [TS]

  I have somewhere to be that one day at [TS]

  nine you know 915 and I'm like alright [TS]

  alright let's hurry this along like what [TS]

  what's the story and he's like oh yeah [TS]

  you got ants all right I said yeah how [TS]

  much how much you get rid of the ants [TS]

  and he was like well it's a 275 dollar [TS]

  process uh and I was like fine you know [TS]

  what you're here i'm not going to [TS]

  comparison shop i'm not going to send [TS]

  you away get rid of the ants and like [TS]

  like let's let's get this happening the [TS]

  ants have been driving me crazy all [TS]

  summer and so he pulls out this [TS]

  paperwork and he's like all right well [TS]

  let's get you signed up for a plan i'll [TS]

  come on i was like what what you're [TS]

  you're an exterminator like you either [TS]

  you got dirt on the knees your pants [TS]

  what would talk about what's right there [TS]

  in the name once you get rid of the [TS]

  answer i don't need a plan [TS]

  he says answer really hard to get rid of [TS]

  usually what happens is we kill the ants [TS]

  then they come back always helping you [TS]

  and if you if we signed up for a plan [TS]

  that every time we come back it's just a [TS]

  $79 charge but if we don't if we don't [TS]

  send you up for a plan then every time [TS]

  we come back you have to charge $300 [TS]

  again and I was like so what's the plan [TS]

  he was like well the plan is for forty [TS]

  nine dollars a month we keep the ants [TS]

  out for good [TS]

  I was like soon so every six months i'm [TS]

  paying for a visit essentially i pay you [TS]

  forty nine dollars a month forever or [TS]

  until at what point do you feel like [TS]

  it's cut you you are confident that they [TS]

  won't come back and he's like well ants [TS]

  are really hard to eradicate [TS]

  and I was like listen man i did not i [TS]

  had you here to kill Samantha I did not [TS]

  think I was joining a club or or a cult [TS]

  or whatever whatever you think whatever [TS]

  kind of thing this is like a plan [TS]

  seriously you think i'm going to sign up [TS]

  and have you just like auto deduct 50 [TS]

  bucks a month and and you hope that I [TS]

  forget about it [TS]

  I mean that's what they all do that's [TS]

  that that's the whole business model now [TS]

  half of american companies their [TS]

  business model is let's hope they've [TS]

  let's hope they sign up for direct pay [TS]

  and forget about i think yeah I think [TS]

  recurring revenue is really huge [TS]

  incorporate in there yeah right so i [TS]

  would just sit here like a like a you [TS]

  know like a milk cow for the next 20 [TS]

  years while this company is just like oh [TS]

  you know we have you just 50 bucks a [TS]

  month in the hands never come back and [TS]

  I'm like wow I'm so lucky it's just like [TS]

  so the guy killed the ants [TS]

  it's been two weeks i haven't seen aunt [TS]

  but i'm starting to wonder whether the [TS]

  ants aren't but there's not i mean i [TS]

  wouldn't be I wouldn't be surprised to [TS]

  catch that guy in my bushes with the [TS]

  bucket advanced yeah I'm answer [TS]

  complicated problem John nobody really [TS]

  knows where it's come from i went out [TS]

  the other day and there were ants I saw [TS]

  hive advance in my I saw hi Vance in my [TS]

  driveway and I went in the house it was [TS]

  that they were the same lands when in [TS]

  the House very patiently put the mail in [TS]

  my mail jar i put the keys in the key [TS]

  cup took my coat off took my shoes off [TS]

  put on my loafers put on my cardigan [TS]

  sweater went into the kitchen boiled a [TS]

  pot of boiling water [TS]

  when the water was boiling hot I carried [TS]

  it out into the driveway and I poured [TS]

  the boiling water down the and whole uu [TS]

  she should offer to do that for other [TS]

  people it was fifty dollars a month it [TS]

  was total carnage [TS]

  I'll i heard good i heard a million [TS]

  souls screaming out all at once [TS]

  yeah and then go silent and I I felt no [TS]

  remorse i felt only at Pikeville only [TS]

  piece we were driving back from my [TS]

  sister-in-law's yesterday and listening [TS]

  we listen to pretend to fall all the way [TS]

  through and at some point turned around [TS]

  and said why don't you know that that's [TS]

  that's Uncle John you should just know [TS]

  that in my household you are known for [TS]

  doing something podcasting with me she [TS]

  knows that my daughter and you know we [TS]

  played your records a lot but mainly [TS]

  what she knows you for something that [TS]

  she can recite from memory which is also [TS]

  sometimes say so what are we going to do [TS]

  and she says you go outside and take off [TS]

  your clothes and throw garbage can [TS]

  through the window and you set the place [TS]

  on fire haha that that that is what you [TS]

  are known for that but that is your [TS]

  claim to fame in our home but your [TS]

  reason I'm right we went to that place [TS]

  that I when you first suggested that as [TS]

  a palliative for dealing with the stuff [TS]

  on her burger last time we went to that [TS]

  place here in our neighborhood to get [TS]

  her a burger i said i looked and looked [TS]

  in the woman's eyes said I said this is [TS]

  my daughter she's five [TS]

  it's very very important that when you [TS]

  make her burger it have exactly three [TS]

  things on it it should have some bread [TS]

  in the form of a bunt it should have a [TS]

  meat burger and should have cheese and [TS]

  there should be absolutely nothing else [TS]

  on there that's it and then of course [TS]

  daughter indicated to her what would [TS]

  happen if they got her she said that [TS]

  yeah she says or we're gonna go outside [TS]

  take off our clothes for garbage can [TS]

  through the window and set the place on [TS]

  fire haha i said nah she's not really [TS]

  gonna do know who kids say the darndest [TS]

  things you know the thing about stories [TS]

  John you know we get to tell our own [TS]

  story for a while but if the story is [TS]

  really good eventually it's not our own [TS]

  more it becomes somebody else's story [TS]

  that's right it goes out into the stream [TS]

  down or returns worms we've got analysts [TS]

  right think they're animals at the [TS]

  phylum get worms she got ants I think I [TS]

  just morally in biology [TS]

  I find that hard to believe oh my [TS]

  goodness i was telling my lady today how [TS]

  when I was in seventh grade was a [TS]

  military school I have perfect grades [TS]

  and perfect department had straight a's [TS]

  like a lot of people and I had was the [TS]

  only person in my entire company in [TS]

  military school that didn't have a [TS]

  demerit all year [TS]

  wow yeah whatever this really hundred [TS]

  twenty kids or something yeah you're [TS]

  born again hard mmm i was scared and I [TS]

  was yeah and then i went to consumer [TS]

  math in 8th grade and so it's pretty [TS]

  much all downhill from there [TS]

  you know I reflect often on my my cadet [TS]

  years in the Civil Air Patrol and and I [TS]

  you know I think they're there were [TS]

  there were a couple of points along the [TS]

  way where I could have right my life [TS]

  could have gone a very different route [TS]

  but but uh you know I was in the Civil [TS]

  Air Patrol in Alaska in the seventies [TS]

  and most of the facilities that we were [TS]

  afforded by the air force at the time [TS]

  were either built well generally had [TS]

  been built in world war two like we that [TS]

  if the Air Force built a new building [TS]

  they moved into it and they abandoned [TS]

  the old world war two building and then [TS]

  the Civil Air Patrol was you know given [TS]

  access to these kind of shabby places [TS]

  and so there was that kind of weird [TS]

  military mothball smell to everything [TS]

  and a kind of you know like the doors [TS]

  all shut really solidly but there was a [TS]

  sense there was a sense that there was [TS]

  black mold in the walls and it did not [TS]

  none of it filled me with a feeling that [TS]

  the that that pursuing a career in the [TS]

  military was like going to be a safe and [TS]

  developing environment you know what I [TS]

  mean it was it felt very it was always [TS]

  very cold in those places and [TS]

  not unfriendly but but like [TS]

  disinterested that was the thing being [TS]

  on a military base as a as a as a young [TS]

  kid or as a as a person in his early [TS]

  teens the they were completely [TS]

  disinterested in me in my thoughts in [TS]

  who I was like I was being judged [TS]

  entirely on how on you know obviously [TS]

  done on the conformity how well you know [TS]

  my department exactly as you say and I [TS]

  didn't i guess i didn't whatever it is [TS]

  that people find in the military culture [TS]

  the-the-the-the like they they want the [TS]

  challenge or they you know they want to [TS]

  excel or succeed in a realm where [TS]

  excellence is measure a bowl [TS]

  you know those things were not [TS]

  communicated to me in an appealing way [TS]

  and I just I just always felt like a [TS]

  strange in that environment and I and [TS]

  and although i was the biggest military [TS]

  like army nutcase as a kid I I didn't [TS]

  you know I and and I went into that [TS]

  cadet program with this but the real [TS]

  passion for it I kind of came out the [TS]

  other side not not disillusion but just [TS]

  disaffected like it sounds like it [TS]

  wasn't a good cultural fit it wasn't and [TS]

  that was even before I mean it's not [TS]

  like I went to boot camp and said wait a [TS]

  minute this where there's no room in [TS]

  here for my artistic sensibility you [TS]

  know i was i was 12 and I guess I guess [TS]

  what it ended up being was that I just [TS]

  didn't get off on it and I watched other [TS]

  kids really get off on it but I kind of [TS]

  you know my dad was a member of another [TS]

  organization so you he was a he was a [TS]

  colonel in the Civil Air Patrol because [TS]

  he was the wing legal officer and that [TS]

  entitled him [TS]

  believe it or not to wear a white [TS]

  turtleneck as its uniform [TS]

  well what a white turtleneck with up [TS]

  with a blue blazer and like a nothing [TS]

  like a kernel of spanish language [TS]

  literature it with it was incredible he [TS]

  was the only one of everybody else was [TS]

  in the Air Force uniforms and he was in [TS]

  this white turtleneck with a blue blazer [TS]

  and then a crest like a like a I think [TS]

  it looks so good in that right an eagle [TS]

  grasping a propeller in gold braid on [TS]

  his on the pocket of his jacket he would [TS]

  it was such a badass but and and you [TS]

  know courses wing legal officer like [TS]

  everything my dad did he assumed that [TS]

  eighty percent of the rules of the [TS]

  organization didn't apply to him [TS]

  this is emmanuel headed to private train [TS]

  car from its employees but my dad was [TS]

  also a member of a of a secret [TS]

  organization called the quiet Birdman [TS]

  the same as much as you can say is this [TS]

  aviation-related that's correct the [TS]

  quiet Berman was an organization founded [TS]

  after World War one [TS]

  founded by like former World War one [TS]

  fighter aces and it was a group that [TS]

  started meeting in some italian [TS]

  restaurant in New York City you know in [TS]

  and it was a it was a group that you [TS]

  could not join you had to be you had to [TS]

  be tapped yet to be invited by the [TS]

  current membership and then once you [TS]

  were tapped you were a life member and I [TS]

  think it only costs a dollar to join and [TS]

  then you have you were a life member and [TS]

  like Eddie Rickenbacker and Charles [TS]

  Limburger members and neil armstrong I [TS]

  mean it's one of these groups of loud [TS]

  Gordon Cooper no one no they don't they [TS]

  don't talk about it you're not supposed [TS]

  to talk about the quiet Birdman that I [TS]

  really cool I keycard to well yeah and I [TS]

  so this is the thing I still have my [TS]

  dad's all my dad's quiet Birdman stuff [TS]

  and I've talked to other children of [TS]

  quiet Birdman service Africans who have [TS]

  path who have passed on to the next [TS]

  dimension of flown into up into the [TS]

  clouds and not come down and they have [TS]

  they claim that when their fathers died [TS]

  someone from the quiet Birdman showed up [TS]

  and collected the membership card and [TS]

  all their paraphernalia [TS]

  Oh [TS]

  so that didn't happen in my case and and [TS]

  I challenge any listener who is a member [TS]

  of the quiet Birdman to try and come get [TS]

  it [TS]

  we're gonna you're ready to go [TS]

  nose-to-nose with the old monitronics [TS]

  that's right here ready to be ready [TS]

  people if you're ready to deal with with [TS]

  the the grab 45-second beeping come at [TS]

  me come at me bro what's up [TS]

  so quiet permit so my dad would go to [TS]

  these quiet Birdman meetings and of [TS]

  course in Alaska there are a lot of [TS]

  quiet Birdman because that's where old [TS]

  astronauts go to retire and he would go [TS]

  off to these meetings and I would you [TS]

  know was like it was like he was with [TS]

  his fraternity i would say you know why [TS]

  don't you show me the fight gamma delta [TS]

  handshake and he would say never he [TS]

  never did I i asked him on his deathbed [TS]

  to show me his fraternity handshake and [TS]

  he said no chance it for him [TS]

  it died with it oh but the quiet Birdman [TS]

  he was even more secretive about and I [TS]

  was like what happens at those meetings [TS]

  he said and we just said get everybody [TS]

  out everybody else gets drunk and then [TS]

  we all tell dirty jokes and I was like [TS]

  really thats he's like pretty much like [TS]

  seriously you you you get all dressed up [TS]

  and you go off to the secret meeting in [TS]

  a hotel somewhere just sit around talk [TS]

  dirty jokes with astronauts that I don't [TS]

  believe it it doesn't sound like you for [TS]

  a second and he was like well it's just [TS]

  it's just it's just plausible enough [TS]

  that like somebody who wasn't thinking [TS]

  about a lot would believe it but I'm [TS]

  guessing they were there was a serious [TS]

  fucking rock is going on with the quiet [TS]

  Bergman well that's what I'm thinking [TS]

  too and you know my dad had nothing [TS]

  maybe like you can't like a black bag [TS]

  type thing like they might have been out [TS]

  doing some stuff you know a little many [TS]

  missions there were plenty of [TS]

  opportunities for him to go sit around [TS]

  with drunks and listen to dirty jokes he [TS]

  didn't like it i mean that's right he [TS]

  did need to go to this this stupid thing [TS]

  and then you know the other all the [TS]

  other shit that my dad was into I i [TS]

  wonder what the quiet Berman were up to [TS]

  and the the problem is if you try and [TS]

  figure it out you go online it's true [TS]

  it's like the it's like the Bohemian [TS]

  Grove you get out you get a get a [TS]

  glancing overview on the internet like [TS]

  oh yeah that's right it's an [TS]

  organization and here [TS]

  the members and everything else is [TS]

  secret so go fuck yourself yeah and you [TS]

  go well no seriously what why in the [TS]

  hell would warren buffett go sit out in [TS]

  the trees with Henry Kissinger for a [TS]

  week like what is in it for him [TS]

  they're like all we tell dirty stories [TS]

  and i'm getting teenager rules i don't [TS]

  know i don't know but I'm not buying it [TS]

  so i don't but the thing is I but i'm [TS]

  i'm i'm scared enough of the [TS]

  organization that it's not like i would [TS]

  try to impersonate a quiet Birdman no I [TS]

  think the average age of course the [TS]

  quiet Bergman is probably 84 and they [TS]

  would know in an instant [TS]

  you know they would it would i'd walk in [TS]

  the door and they go hmm what's this a [TS]

  flapper an aileron might be like uh and [TS]

  they're like that show me your hands [TS]

  she'll be here instance that I I'm the [TS]

  one the first one in three generations [TS]

  to not well as much as i can say is you [TS]

  know right now I'm not in any secret [TS]

  organizations and my grandfather was in [TS]

  scottish rite rite as well as my father [TS]

  really really people lay my my my mom [TS]

  was in rainbow girls it and her [TS]

  let's just say quote unquote boyfriend [TS]

  was a figure skater was in demolay and [TS]

  they love to dance but know that then [TS]

  Saudi male looking very rhythmic people [TS]

  he yeah he went over to the other side [TS]

  young-hee so so anyway it but it's it's [TS]

  really strange the things weird to me is [TS]

  that like with secret organizations is [TS]

  like you know it's a secret organization [TS]

  and you're not allowed to talk about [TS]

  stuff but people they still it isn't [TS]

  secret enough that like you don't know [TS]

  what the logo looks like you know what I [TS]

  mean if you're in like for example I I [TS]

  think about was before but I had on my [TS]

  dad's old lighters on display in my [TS]

  office my first job I had a private [TS]

  office with all you know that decorated [TS]

  so I had like 15 really cool lighters is [TS]

  lighter from Korea and stuff like that [TS]

  and one of them had the you know the [TS]

  symbol with the compass around the the g [TS]

  in it mmm know what is that that's [TS]

  Freemasons that nothing that's the [TS]

  Freemasons yeah yeah so [TS]

  and a guy a local printer came in to [TS]

  talk about a job we were getting time he [TS]

  comes anyone going I mean brown and [TS]

  written or two up and better [TS]

  productivity goes are you a Mason said [TS]

  no no I dad died I've got his lighter is [TS]

  like you thinking about coming to Mason [TS]

  who ok but he he said it like he was [TS]

  like he was offered me a lollipop in a [TS]

  white van and and I was like umm hmm now [TS]

  I not you know it's nothing I've ever a [TS]

  slide his card across my desk and says [TS]

  you will let me know when you're ready [TS]

  to become a man [TS]

  wow i'm still not ready still not a man [TS]

  nope but not buried the lighter i don't [TS]

  want to eat haha [TS]

  the thing about the military you know I [TS]

  had a guy in sixth grade a year before I [TS]

  did military so I think the only thing [TS]

  that made military school appealing to [TS]

  me was maybe some some some teen [TS]

  comedies I'd scene involving you know [TS]

  military school and a book i got on the [TS]

  library and 6th grade on West Point and [TS]

  I it was it all seemed extremely orderly [TS]

  i learned how to make Hospital corners [TS]

  I learned on it i was really into it for [TS]

  a while right corner on your bed I did I [TS]

  tell you I knew exactly like that little [TS]

  how long the flaps should be at the top [TS]

  etcetera etcetera etcetera and today I'm [TS]

  a push pick you know I can barely find [TS]

  work on my desk to put the mic to [TS]

  deliver short-sheeting guys bed now I [TS]

  was aware of the technology but I never [TS]

  deployed it [TS]

  this is this is the thing I have you [TS]

  know when I was in the Civil Air Patrol [TS]

  he doesn't seem like it would work it's [TS]

  just who doesn't look in their bed but [TS]

  we short-sheeted people's beds all the [TS]

  time and your bed you know you like you [TS]

  pull it pull open the sheets and it's [TS]

  not like it's not like it catches you [TS]

  where you like you you go to slide into [TS]

  your bed guy like Molly inconvenience me [TS]

  yeah but you know you pull open your [TS]

  sheets and that are it's not a bet it's [TS]

  an envelope [TS]

  I mean it and it was hilarious and I [TS]

  learned I learned this technology when I [TS]

  when I was 12 years old [TS]

  12-13 years old and I have never in the [TS]

  rest of my life 30-odd years since then [TS]

  I've never had the opportunity to [TS]

  short-sheet somebody's bed and i'm [TS]

  always looking for it all right because [TS]

  who makes their bed like those cruises [TS]

  that sheets right can you short-sheet [TS]

  jonathan coulton is bad i guess i guess [TS]

  i could if i could get into his room but [TS]

  I mean all those room everybody's got a [TS]

  keycard you think he'd be frustrated i [TS]

  think that he would I think he might get [TS]

  lucky he might have a moment of [TS]

  reflection for like 150 would I think he [TS]

  would think about that for awhile i want [TS]

  more about how somebody got my room [TS]

  probably [TS]

  well that that's the thing i think i [TS]

  think it would be most effective on Paul [TS]

  sabores bed but but but but like this it [TS]

  seems unfair it seems like [TS]

  short-sheeting once you learn it you [TS]

  should be able to use it the rest of [TS]

  your life and this is just like I still [TS]

  think about it I me but you know what [TS]

  I'm gonna miss Cruz this cruise this [TS]

  year I'm a minute's get look for the [TS]

  opportunity to short-sheet simple I know [TS]

  you're going through a transitional [TS]

  phase i'm just gonna talk with are [TS]

  probably end up cutting this out but i [TS]

  just want to say you have so far today [TS]

  you have revealed the brand name of your [TS]

  home security system you indicated that [TS]

  you have let's be honest purloined quiet [TS]

  Birdman credentials and now you're [TS]

  talking about what kinds of pranks [TS]

  you're going to deploy you you might [TS]

  want to think about playing a little bit [TS]

  closer to the vest [TS]

  well I'm do I feel like I feel like it's [TS]

  maybe open book season for me [TS]

  good for you like this business of the [TS]

  the guy saying when you're ready to be a [TS]

  man [TS]

  I do feel like there was some important [TS]

  moment important moment in the fifties [TS]

  montage of my young life where I should [TS]

  have gone through some kind of fraternal [TS]

  hazing where we're peers slightly older [TS]

  dressed in robes paddled me or put hot [TS]

  wax on me or made me perform some kind [TS]

  of ritualistic nothing just that weekend [TS]

  in Germany [TS]

  well you yeah except that the the [TS]

  germany that I experienced that was all [TS]

  by myself i wasn't i was in that was in [TS]

  these hallowed halls but there was [TS]

  nobody there to drip hot wax what do you [TS]

  think you aren't uh it's your father [TS]

  obviously walk down some very secret [TS]

  corridors of power [TS]

  why do you think you were not drawn into [TS]

  these organs [TS]

  protecting you no no I think it I think [TS]

  that it was clear from the beginning [TS]

  that i was to lippy as my dad would say [TS]

  you to lippy and which makes ass to [TS]

  mouth [TS]

  yeah by which he meant like like the [TS]

  presumption of somebody who talks as [TS]

  like as much and as floridly as i do and [TS]

  did I is that I'm not you know I'm not [TS]

  stoic enough not the you know not John [TS]

  McCain e-enough although I guess he was [TS]

  a he was a challenge so you're kind of [TS]

  not strictly speaking a team player not [TS]

  a team player [TS]

  that's right now you're against the team [TS]

  but they're not ready to know there's no [TS]

  John and team [TS]

  I mean I definitely wouldn't leave a man [TS]

  behind no but I'm also not i mean if [TS]

  somebody seriously if I was being [TS]

  interrogated in a in a foreign prison I [TS]

  would just instinctively have a lot more [TS]

  to say a lot more I wanted to say than [TS]

  just my name rank and serial number [TS]

  you know what I mean like that seemed so [TS]

  limiting and maybe some of the things i [TS]

  would say would be obfuscating maybe it [TS]

  would appear oh maybe I would create a [TS]

  hole and create a whole mind picture in [TS]

  my interrogators a little notebook where [TS]

  he would be you know they'd be still did [TS]

  they be teasing out all the the hidden [TS]

  meanings for years I don't think you can [TS]

  under you can understate a 20-minute I [TS]

  don't think you can overstate the value [TS]

  of someone who appears to be cracking [TS]

  under pressure and flooding them with [TS]

  misinformation also get double reverse [TS]

  mindfuck and that would be me I mean I'm [TS]

  no i'm not going to the game [TS]

  participation you tend to crack under [TS]

  pressure [TS]

  yeah standard attention to that would [TS]

  definitely pretend pretend to crack [TS]

  under pressure the problem is then they [TS]

  go they try to get some of this stuff [TS]

  like it you gotta give them some real [TS]

  information [TS]

  didn't you gotta give him the easy steps [TS]

  got to be real so that they can go can [TS]

  go ahead and say like oh well he must be [TS]

  telling the truth so until they haven't [TS]

  used that thing in months back way [TS]

  uh-huh and then you know I I mean I feel [TS]

  like there's there's always been a role [TS]

  for me in America's intelligence [TS]

  services but they have this that they're [TS]

  so fixated on like have you ever done [TS]

  drugs like what do you all you're gonna [TS]

  get is squares if that's your the fact [TS]

  that your lips I've been holding off [TS]

  saying it John because i don't want to [TS]

  do anything to you know I don't hurt [TS]

  your feelings but if you ever wondered [TS]

  if maybe that was just something to [TS]

  scare off the people who are really [TS]

  serious because again I mean I really [TS]

  we've covered this a little in the past [TS]

  but I i think being somebody who's found [TS]

  new levels of rock bottom might be just [TS]

  the sort of person you would want a [TS]

  certain very particular kind of mission [TS]

  know maybe you're not going to go into [TS]

  like Bosnia and give out frosted flakes [TS]

  but you know you there might be [TS]

  something extremely specific and you [TS]

  know with all the NSA information stuff [TS]

  there this might be actually unique [TS]

  opportunity right now people would know [TS]

  exactly what kind of mission you would [TS]

  be right for you still want to do it [TS]

  today [TS]

  well this is the problem that the as [TS]

  soon as I became familiar with the idea [TS]

  that there were agents and then those [TS]

  there were operated on for stripes i'm [TS]

  gonna get so many letters that's enough [TS]

  I don't want to be run by somebody else [TS]

  I mean you know maybe yeah sure somebody [TS]

  like maybe director of operations but I [TS]

  want to reply i don't want to be I don't [TS]

  want to be an asset [TS]

  you know I mean I'm nobody's fucking [TS]

  assets on my own asset and this is the [TS]

  problem i don't want to be recruited by [TS]

  some dingaling at you know and not have [TS]

  the full picture and just be out you [TS]

  have to really be a company man you [TS]

  would really have to give yourself a [TS]

  first of all a lot of its just gonna be [TS]

  extremely tedious a letter at the safe [TS]

  house for four years and then all of a [TS]

  sudden you're your digital watch beeps [TS]

  three times and you're like huh [TS]

  just as like somebody blows the door and [TS]

  that's your signal to go watch something [TS]

  with binoculars for two years but you [TS]

  think I mean if you actually get a lot [TS]

  of what that stuff is here here's the [TS]

  thing a lot of these secret [TS]

  organizations like the quiet Birdman the [TS]

  Freemasons their kind of dying on the [TS]

  vine that get those guys are that they [TS]

  they were not successful at recruiting a [TS]

  new generation but what if we started [TS]

  kind of like our our our guest house [TS]

  hostel for snipers for snipers what if [TS]

  we started a secret organization that [TS]

  was actually an intelligence service [TS]

  like a civilian intelligence service [TS]

  sort of a Halliburton but of of like [TS]

  made up entirely of british guys with [TS]

  explosives in their suitcases and like [TS]

  renegade kind of Captain Haddock style [TS]

  surly retired retired agents that never [TS]

  were actually employed but that's like [TS]

  perfect fit [TS]

  you don't really think so it could be [TS]

  it's not governmental in nature right [TS]

  it's it's not strictly private nature [TS]

  it's my private nature is obviously it's [TS]

  got to be as extreme secrecy maintain [TS]

  its all about it's all about different [TS]

  levels of clearance different you know [TS]

  that he get all the spy craft all the [TS]

  tunnel digging in the fake IDs [TS]

  counterfeit money [TS]

  the false passports the you know the [TS]

  like all the all the snow the spy craft [TS]

  but without maybe expertise or danger [TS]

  yes I think it's a great idea i don't [TS]

  have a facebook group or sell t-shirts [TS]

  but it's something where I think it's [TS]

  something a lot of people late in life [TS]

  would be interested in i think a lot of [TS]

  us have made these I'm gonna say fits [TS]

  the fifth or sixth grade [TS]

  the guy had a variety of these [TS]

  organizations alright spend a lot of [TS]

  time coming up with work charts deciding [TS]

  you know who is going to be vice [TS]

  president under me and stuff like that [TS]

  but at ya and certainly I have to think [TS]

  that it would be something I don't know [TS]

  like an 18 type thing where because of [TS]

  our various connections in our various [TS]

  industries that were involved and we [TS]

  would know people who need help right [TS]

  you young people you you would actually [TS]

  be able and it will be like a reverse [TS]

  business [TS]

  hey we wouldn't you know we would not be [TS]

  advertising the yellow pages but we [TS]

  could go to people and say you you need [TS]

  a little bit of help [TS]

  yeah from the Roderick group right from [TS]

  the Roderick group I like things like [TS]

  that so much i cannot tell anything [TS]

  about what they do [TS]

  yeah and the business card just says the [TS]

  robbery group like me and the rand [TS]

  corporation doesn't rain corporation [TS]

  sound like they make cogs the other ran [TS]

  the the RAND Corporation for a long time [TS]

  I thought they made crackers router and [TS]

  curve and then I realized all the other [TS]

  end crew the rand corporation is this [TS]

  like fully Illuminati I wonder how long [TS]

  the robbery group would have to be an [TS]

  operation before the Illuminati [TS]

  contacted us but for like an acquisition [TS]

  or merger or just or just you know [TS]

  initially to feel this out see below [TS]

  royal actually blocking us out because [TS]

  we were usually are you seeing like [TS]

  what's involved it's just somebody to [TS]

  take seriously it's just somebody's [TS]

  family we need to take to Brazil or [TS]

  something right and then when they [TS]

  realize that we're that where an [TS]

  imminently serious organization with a [TS]

  great font and and you know really [TS]

  nice-looking flowcharts and that would [TS]

  be really important today it's a very it [TS]

  to the Millennials are very visual [TS]

  I don't need that we would need a great [TS]

  logo and and and yeah person alex a way [TS]

  from facebook i'm gonna count anymore [TS]

  you have to manage that we are something [TS]

  that division bad at that I love helping [TS]

  people though i would say this is [TS]

  chapter for a long long time I really [TS]

  felt when I want to search my feelings [TS]

  this is the thing so you know sometimes [TS]

  late at night i sit down i sit down [TS]

  indian style or what's the what's the [TS]

  non-offensive what's the politically [TS]

  correct Native American stuff native [TS]

  american-style but I bet it but I [TS]

  thought it was dot Indian not Indian [TS]

  style is dot indian or is that will [TS]

  Indian [TS]

  like dot en mi the dot dot yet top-level [TS]

  IM yeah okay dot biz [TS]

  no you know I sit down and I and I and I [TS]

  and I and I focus on my third eye and I [TS]

  say what am I here for [TS]

  I've gotten a lot of conflicting [TS]

  messages over the years retired from [TS]

  from yourself [TS]

  yeah that's right for myself to retire [TS]

  director of CIA was I didn't think it [TS]

  was a false flag for a long time [TS]

  my mind is trying to tell me something [TS]

  that that that just wasn't possible but [TS]

  what I was really getting at was and I [TS]

  think we may have mentioned this to you [TS]

  before when the UFOs come they are going [TS]

  to need a human envoy we're gonna need [TS]

  someone to represent humanity that has [TS]

  everyone's best interests at heart you [TS]

  know they think they can pick somebody [TS]

  from the united nations are from the [TS]

  internet or the United States certainly [TS]

  I mean you know the cable channel all [TS]

  those people are compromised [TS]

  they're all compromised and the thing is [TS]

  the UFOs I I'm fairly confident have [TS]

  have vetted me completely now with the [TS]

  with the vowel ambassadors and I feel [TS]

  like it's all part of the application [TS]

  process of gradual slow you know as I as [TS]

  I build more and more people that are [TS]

  that you know that understanding my word [TS]

  is bond [TS]

  it is it's all in service of this this [TS]

  you know this i'm going to this future [TS]

  calling where they they arrived right [TS]

  and there's a third suddenly just as you [TS]

  see it as you've seen so many times [TS]

  giant motherships hovering over all [TS]

  Earth's all the capitals of the earth [TS]

  and everyone in singapore and everyone [TS]

  in st. Petersburg that all run outside [TS]

  and they're looking up in here these [TS]

  inscrutable you know humming mother [TS]

  ships and there's a couple of days where [TS]

  everybody freaks out but there's no [TS]

  communication from them it's just like [TS]

  what do they want what they want and the [TS]

  f-16s go up but they the vaporized or or [TS]

  even know that just the instruments go [TS]

  haywire nobody's hurt right limb the [TS]

  planes land under their own power guided [TS]

  by unseen hand [TS]

  and and just as you know just as as [TS]

  everyone is just as all the world's [TS]

  governments and all of our technology [TS]

  are revealed to be impotent against [TS]

  these superior phones than all the [TS]

  television sets and all the radios all [TS]

  crackle at once and they all come on and [TS]

  they're all it's all uh it's all just [TS]

  sort of a green screen and then and then [TS]

  my face [TS]

  Boop translated translated into all the [TS]

  languages of the earth which I speak [TS]

  fluently because of the because the [TS]

  babelfish that's been put inside mine if [TS]

  you put like by the collarbone keep a [TS]

  little implant does have a double [TS]

  fishing implant and I say people of [TS]

  Earth [TS]

  hello i am a fellow earthling i have [TS]

  been charged with this task and be able [TS]

  to ask to speak on behalf of the roof [TS]

  owes who have come in peace and they [TS]

  seem threatening but they assure me they [TS]

  are not and so as the speaker now for [TS]

  them and speaker [TS]

  them and speaker [TS]

  of us to them send me your questions in [TS]

  self-addressed stamped envelopes to the [TS]

  Roderick group dot biz for some reason I [TS]

  keep thinking of a I know you're crazy [TS]

  about the opening music there will be [TS]

  blood imagine the scene when Daniel goes [TS]

  back out and he's going he goes to the [TS]

  guy anyways start buying land and he [TS]

  wants to find out what's available what [TS]

  parcels with this person is going to [TS]

  need to do that who's holding out [TS]

  I I know it's not exactly equivalent but [TS]

  I kind of see you in that position where [TS]

  you're kind of the real estate agent for [TS]

  earth day would come in there or hearts [TS]

  and minds right you did they come to you [TS]

  and you're able to give them the lay of [TS]

  the land so everybody gets paid and [TS]

  hopefully not vaporize story instrument [TS]

  screwed up but you would be able to act [TS]

  both ways between them that the biggest [TS]

  problem I think you having credibility [TS]

  with aliens is a foregone conclusion but [TS]

  how would you how would you would you [TS]

  feel like you needed to build that [TS]

  credibility [TS]

  these are the Earthlings before you got [TS]

  the go-ahead for you think UFOs here's [TS]

  the thing [TS]

  what what Earthlings would recognize in [TS]

  me automatic it you know instantaneously [TS]

  is that I'm a straight shooter right and [TS]

  so the the ufos often have to appear to [TS]

  humans in the form of their dead [TS]

  father's something they would understand [TS]

  right but in my case that the they [TS]

  recognize that they can appear to me in [TS]

  their natural state and i will [TS]

  comprehend even if it even if their [TS]

  natural state is just a you know energy [TS]

  ether or a bean pot or whatever it is [TS]

  that the aliens are in their natural [TS]

  environment maybe it's a train on a sort [TS]

  of a transdimensional z28 or whatever [TS]

  whatever it is not a dance haha if [TS]

  they're ants I'm gonna have some [TS]

  splainin to do but they surely they [TS]

  already know and maybe that's why maybe [TS]

  that's why they're sending me these [TS]

  encoded messages because they recognize [TS]

  that i'm not i'm not a patsy maybe you [TS]

  know that such a lonely job though the [TS]

  MS the emissary between Gerald's [TS]

  ultimately would be but that is the kind [TS]

  of sacrifice and prepared to make for my [TS]

  people and I think the citizens of earth [TS]

  would would you know I [TS]

  say you're referring to the Earthlings [TS]

  as your paper things right i would say [TS]

  Earthlings listen with we don't have a [TS]

  lot of bargaining room here because like [TS]

  they they have superior technology and [TS]

  they've really caught us with our pants [TS]

  down but you know I'm counting on them [TS]

  having a sense of humor and I'm counting [TS]

  on them you know recognizing that that [TS]

  that we we have lots to offer were good [TS]

  dancers we we have students lots of [TS]

  different spicy food and I'm gonna give [TS]

  him a tour of some you know some cool [TS]

  spots that i've seen over the years i'm [TS]

  gonna take them into the medina and fez [TS]

  and show him around a lot of spices in [TS]

  there a lot of thought of good sights [TS]

  and smells you know like come tour guide [TS]

  like like a love boat style [TS]

  ok so part of it is you're like this [TS]

  your earth's Milton so you're gonna go [TS]

  up and you're gonna explain the way the [TS]

  ways of humans to to the UFOs help help [TS]

  them understand how to use facebook and [TS]

  things like that [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna say listen you maybe you [TS]

  you may have arrived here thinking that [TS]

  you're gonna mind the molten platinum [TS]

  core of our planet and to spoil spoil us [TS]

  you're basing this base you know on on [TS]

  having watched our television channels [TS]

  and you're like space outpost but [TS]

  there's a lot more to us than that a [TS]

  cable there and I'm gonna say you know [TS]

  I'm gonna say listen I'm gonna make a [TS]

  white castles lab out of India sacred [TS]

  cow just for you [TS]

  I'm gonna take you down to Florida [TS]

  finished look ya up for pretty cheap [TS]

  there now [TS]

  places like Nevada been really Florida [TS]

  if they could set up operations in [TS]

  Florida I'd be okay with that [TS]

  the thing is if they change the tides [TS]

  even buy a few meters all Florida's [TS]

  underwater it's just a sec that's why [TS]

  you want buildings that her a foot or [TS]

  two above i think that would give you at [TS]

  least a couple of centuries of safety [TS]

  you can just lift it up like hunter [TS]

  buildings are not a bad idea you know [TS]

  we're so close to having endless [TS]

  renewable energy is it sorry Cloud City [TS]

  yeah Cloud City yeah yeah [TS]

  precisely you know I think that [TS]

  read such so yesterday I threw some [TS]

  crumpled aluminum foil in the recycling [TS]

  side of my of my bicameral garbage can [TS]

  and then it said it had food on it [TS]

  matter in it had food matter in it and I [TS]

  said listen this super train is not [TS]

  going to happen because we wait for it [TS]

  it's gonna happen because we start [TS]

  throwing food soiled aluminum foil in [TS]

  our recycling until they start recycling [TS]

  it i'll let you come with me [TS]

  that's right oh that's good it's like so [TS]

  again back to making your own parade [TS]

  except in this case it's got aluminum [TS]

  foil with a little bit of meat on it or [TS]

  let them put in landfills there's more [TS]

  raw aluminum for us when the when the [TS]

  crane comes [TS]

  look we're gonna roll up to these public [TS]

  parks and they're going to be full of [TS]

  like fully processed aluminum that for [TS]

  whatever reason had a little spaghetti [TS]

  sauce on them and were deemed like [TS]

  unusable super train is going to fix all [TS]

  that tragedy [TS]

  I mean in the end it's a good thing but [TS]

  you know this is this is how this is how [TS]

  evolution works and in technology and [TS]

  culture UFOs and trains is that it [TS]

  they're really it takes it takes it [TS]

  takes somebody with a certain vision to [TS]

  be able to see something the way it's [TS]

  not i think you have that and that's why [TS]

  I think when I really search my feelings [TS]

  when I really sit down and say what am I [TS]

  here for our director of the CIA maybe [TS]

  Bufo envoy absolutely [TS]

  and it may already be happened you know [TS]

  I mean I may already be part of the [TS]

  softening of me that's been that's been [TS]

  happening the last couple of months it [TS]

  might be that they're just that they [TS]

  that they felt like I was just a little [TS]

  too acerbic and they're starting to show [TS]

  me trying to put obstacles in front of [TS]

  me like like security guards and an [TS]

  alarm company [TS]

  pi just waiting for you get off the [TS]

  sugar a little bit so that you're you're [TS]

  receptive to their wisdom [TS]

  hey so I started trying to do this cheat [TS]

  day cheat day by saturday's we're going [TS]

  to be a cheat day where I ate like I [TS]

  used to eat I would eat I would eat a [TS]

  largely carb-free diet all week long and [TS]

  then on saturdays I would you know ID [TS]

  carbs and I'm telling you now Marlon I [TS]

  don't like them now I had a cheat day on [TS]

  on saturday and i mean it all tastes [TS]

  fine taste pretty good but then I feel [TS]

  like shit i feel like shit for three [TS]

  days afterwards and i think i think even [TS]

  though i have granted myself the the [TS]

  cheat day option i think i'm still not [TS]

  going to eat wheat on cheat day I can't [TS]

  even believe I'm saying this I feel like [TS]

  I've become a crazy person I really [TS]

  maybe the UFOs are really monkeying with [TS]

  me [TS]

  well yea year ago if you had said i [TS]

  would volunteer you i would give myself [TS]

  one day a week where I could eat pasta [TS]

  and I wouldn't i would issue it [TS]

  uh-huh even on my cheat day at work and [TS]

  imagine using the phrase cheat a shit [TS]

  day [TS]

  listen to me I you know I sound like I [TS]

  sound like somebody sound like a guest [TS]

  on the dr phil program that something is [TS]

  happening to me i don't know what it is [TS]

  that they're putting estrogen in my food [TS]

  and now this now this beeping alarm [TS]

  downstairs is starting to make sense [TS]

  it's like you're going to cry are you [TS]

  it's some kind of thing therefore the [TS]

  green it's all its doing my man what's [TS]

  happening i'm starting to crack [TS]

  hope I don't want to cheat that you [TS]

  could want it [TS]