Roderick on the Line

Ep. 85: "Steamin' John"


  hello [TS]

  I John I Berlin oh no yeah no yeah I'm [TS]

  sick [TS]

  you sound he sounded like so sick you [TS]

  like make-believe sick [TS]

  yeah I be playing it up a little bit [TS]

  kind it's awful but this is these are [TS]

  the first words I have spoken all day oh [TS]

  John sorry you have to this and now you [TS]

  owe ya [TS]

  now you're feeling better I feel much [TS]

  better John I think you're susceptible [TS]

  is acceptable [TS]

  I i feel like the Northwest has a lot of [TS]

  spores and I'm vulnerable to spores I [TS]

  think anywhere there's virgin see there [TS]

  shall be spores [TS]

  mhm it's like somebody set off a guy a [TS]

  bob it's like Spock set off a guy bob [TS]

  except that sub of scores on route be [TS]

  you you sound like like I don't like [TS]

  Mason Reese and commercial robots haha [TS]

  haha by bologna has a first David's osca [TS]

  or what he's doing he's probably a [TS]

  junkie [TS]

  it's probably a junkie is probably I [TS]

  want to help you John what I want to [TS]

  cradle your giant head he probably lived [TS]

  in a pug pad this is a door of all I [TS]

  though why is there not a John Roderick [TS]

  babies outside haha but there should be [TS]

  there should be items i'm a huge baby [TS]

  when i'm sick too [TS]

  yeah who also be in the nursery with [TS]

  India think oh I'm up I'm up babies I [TS]

  feel like really kind of kick that off [TS]

  yeah I didn't like them but i think that [TS]

  i think that mel brooks and Marlo Thomas [TS]

  should be in the in the in the little [TS]

  babies [TS]

  no I'm just born I'm a baby but I [TS]

  definitely a girl is that boy yeah [TS]

  there's and girls don't I so I open two [TS]

  cans [TS]

  progressive chicken noodle soup today [TS]

  and i ate the soup and I left the [TS]

  noodles in the bowl because I've got any [TS]

  carbohydrates you are born again hard [TS]

  yeah but I diets shouldn't do this John [TS]

  this is gonna be too much of a strain on [TS]

  you no no it's good i did the [TS]

  socialization when did you realize [TS]

  you're getting sick [TS]

  well so the the band has been rehearsing [TS]

  and it's been a long time since we used [TS]

  our practice space and it has become [TS]

  damn and so the first the first day we [TS]

  were there I was like oh is that mildew [TS]

  smell ya I gotta get the dehumidifier [TS]

  but that's hard to find dehumidifiers I [TS]

  i have looked when I was a kid that was [TS]

  weak you know ye air conditioning yeah [TS]

  you can always count on you have to have [TS]

  a dehumidifier and a little thing with [TS]

  Phyllis water is very reassuring you [TS]

  dump it out [TS]

  yeah it out about the sticky water [TS]

  that's in the air and it is NH green [TS]

  stance if I got in there [TS]

  4444 every 50 humidifiers there is what [TS]

  dehumidifier but I think I five I found [TS]

  what the other day I think I found [TS]

  whether it's its operating down [TS]

  it's like it's a humidifier dehumidifier [TS]

  which which ad I'm suspicious of [TS]

  extremely suspicious of that you know [TS]

  pick one exactly like she can't what [TS]

  and they would it's time to humidify you [TS]

  just put the same sticky spore water [TS]

  back at the air you pick up like an oven [TS]

  / refrigerator [TS]

  I mean I'll double it so anyway I d [TS]

  better flight but it but it was too late [TS]

  for B and I was hoping I honestly was [TS]

  hoping that that that now that i'm not [TS]

  eating carbohydrates that I had would [TS]

  have suddenly developed super immunity [TS]

  to disease that all by health problems [TS]

  at all my mental health problems were [TS]

  all just a product of eating sugar [TS]

  but in fact up just that's probably the [TS]

  sugar was even a bulwark against no no [TS]

  here's the thing you don't know you you [TS]

  might have been it might be that you [TS]

  should have gotten way sicker way center [TS]

  oh you do all the right things I want to [TS]

  talk about talk to hydrogen peroxide a [TS]

  little at some point you can bathe a lot [TS]

  you use a lot of hydrogen peroxide you [TS]

  doing everything right you cut off the [TS]

  noodles [TS]

  hmm and no more noodles same moon so [TS]

  you're I your herzing yeah well you know [TS]

  back in the old days the punk-rock days [TS]

  when the junkies that I knew couldn't [TS]

  find Mara heroin and they couldn't get [TS]

  methadone on the street from junkies [TS]

  that were getting methadone and then [TS]

  selling it [TS]

  what they would their third line of [TS]

  defense was theraflu and all the heroin [TS]

  addicts that appear in seattle at least [TS]

  that I knew would get theraflu to help [TS]

  them with their sickness restart it when [TS]

  they couldn't get drugs no they would [TS]

  take it as to prescribe they would drink [TS]

  the hot mugs of theraflu and they were [TS]

  like it's just like heroin it's just I [TS]

  mean it's not quite as good as heroin [TS]

  but it's it'll do in a pinch [TS]

  which is why i never used to take their [TS]

  flu but now I'm feel like end times i [TS]

  have really mixed feelings about it [TS]

  because when i was a kid i was trying [TS]

  minocin kid learning member was in that [TS]

  but I mean I think there's great flavor [TS]

  grope you what my head those yucky [TS]

  tasting big yellow pills and the the [TS]

  have half a grown-up one or whatever but [TS]

  you know the thing is like their flu all [TS]

  its really doing is for stalling the [TS]

  game itself it's stopping you up [TS]

  yep you think is any benefit to just [TS]

  sitting with your pain and suffering [TS]

  through it i mean you can make there are [TS]

  some people i think i'm getting as I [TS]

  think there are some people who believe [TS]

  they can take something like a theraflu [TS]

  it may not make it worse but you're not [TS]

  getting the poison [TS]

  yeah I believe that and I've spent the [TS]

  last 20 years not taking medicine of any [TS]

  kind not even aspirin but lately I have [TS]

  grown soft particularly when I am [TS]

  looking forward to doing a podcast with [TS]

  you [TS]

  remember i'm going to take some theraflu [TS]

  stand flavor here this is you your [TS]

  Viking well you know you gotta gotta get [TS]

  up and get your get your stuff taken [TS]

  care of [TS]

  easy for me is you this are kicking my [TS]

  ass kicked you know I was like I gotta [TS]

  go [TS]

  how do you lose it you know my daughter [TS]

  is good well she's good at you know and [TS]

  I play hard [TS]

  yeah well you know is a game for French [TS]

  trains huh [TS]

  like its best played on the train in [TS]

  France that's my contention if you're [TS]

  playing in an apartment in San Francisco [TS]

  it's only half the story we can begin [TS]

  make believe it's a train now what about [TS]

  the board's boys is one of those games i [TS]

  feel like we talked about this before we [TS]

  gain kid in general no but we definitely [TS]

  played Melbourne's because it was [TS]

  because in junior high school my French [TS]

  teacher mrs. LZ did not speak French had [TS]

  been to France on her honeymoon or 630 [TS]

  sounds insufferable to manage to go home [TS]

  damn way where diamonds II and no she [TS]

  didn't speak French I as far as i can [TS]

  tell and it was 78 great friendship that [TS]

  we never spoke French in class but we [TS]

  did do things like play Milbourne and [TS]

  watch the red balloon which only has one [TS]

  word in it with what the hell kind of [TS]

  school you're going to [TS]

  but all that all uh was going to [TS]

  Anchorage public schools and I took [TS]

  French instead of shop because my [TS]

  parents were adhering to a nineteen [TS]

  forties idea of what was important in [TS]

  life and if I took French then i would [TS]

  go to Yale and I would be the ambassador [TS]

  to Yugoslavia and if i took shop then I [TS]

  would be I would wear a pack of [TS]

  cigarettes rolled up in my white the [TS]

  sleeve of my white t-shirt and have a [TS]

  duck's ass haircut and and drive around [TS]

  town a jalopy getting in fights with the [TS]

  cops and so now having taken i took in [TS]

  my whole life I think I probably took [TS]

  six years of friends [TS]

  and I I regret every minute of it [TS]

  why well just because it's not as useful [TS]

  as making a lamp or yeah that's six [TS]

  years of small engine repair that I that [TS]

  I for went you know what I mean if I had [TS]

  started and if i had started taking like [TS]

  a lawnmower repair when I was in seventh [TS]

  grade I'd be mighty Elon Musk right now [TS]

  building a spaceship the spacecraft her [TS]

  I'd be able to build super training on [TS]

  my own without any help from anybody but [TS]

  instead I'm sitting here you know and [TS]

  planning on it [TS]

  I have forgotten how to conjugate all [TS]

  but like the basic five verbs and I I [TS]

  know just enough French to solve the new [TS]

  york times sunday crossword puzzle right [TS]

  that you i'm just guessing if we drop [TS]

  you somewhere French you could take it [TS]

  right back up [TS]

  well that's true but you know if you [TS]

  drop me somewhere feet you know if you [TS]

  drop me in Saudi Arabia i would probably [TS]

  pick up Arabic pretty fast too without [TS]

  the six years it's Arabic I didn't take [TS]

  I don't know you know my feeling about [TS]

  foreign language it is that it is [TS]

  learning foreign languages mostly [TS]

  unnecessary and unnecessary that's just [TS]

  for english-speaking people ask him [TS]

  yeah well yeah exactly if you're if you [TS]

  speaking for them to learn our lines [TS]

  America fucking speak English yet but [TS]

  there but no of it you want to be a [TS]

  world traveler you go out there you [TS]

  figured out you just speak just learn to [TS]

  talk a little bit louder and wave your [TS]

  arms around that helps a lot all right [TS]

  or wrong way the trains a softer and get [TS]

  it get it close get right up right up on [TS]

  him and just like let your eyes do the [TS]

  talking [TS]

  I felt old a few weeks ago because you [TS]

  know my daughter's in in regular school [TS]

  now and then what you going to regular [TS]

  school your delusion with all these [TS]

  offers of other things that you can do [TS]

  she's taking an engineering course right [TS]

  now she's getting off and all these [TS]

  things that she's doing soccer you know [TS]

  pretty soon he's gonna be one of those [TS]

  annoying overschedule kids one things [TS]

  she could take Mandarin at the age of [TS]

  five [TS]

  and I was of two minds because now I'm [TS]

  of that age where everybody said look [TS]

  learn spanish because you learn spanish [TS]

  you can learn Spanish in afternoon [TS]

  basically most of what you need to learn [TS]

  spanish you can learn over a weekend [TS]

  yeah and all the verb the letters always [TS]

  sound the same if you get a pronunciar [TS]

  seoane correct one day soon you will be [TS]

  fine [TS]

  reading anything pretty much write [TS]

  spanish and then we said you know this [TS]

  is this is the growing you know language [TS]

  vertical pretty mucho mucho ya frito [TS]

  Bandito pick up and allowed to play a [TS]

  playa [TS]

  yeah that's all I ever that's all the [TS]

  spanish i repeated she comes to mind [TS]

  said I was taken aback a little bit and [TS]

  then I remembered that that's a growing [TS]

  economy now if you were gonna learn the [TS]

  Chinese would you learn Mandarin if you [TS]

  believe in the movie looper you believe [TS]

  in the future world created and i [TS]

  believe the movie looper everybody's [TS]

  living in china in in future times and [TS]

  my feeling my feeling about it is it's [TS]

  Hong Kong is that where he goes no I [TS]

  think he's in the I think he's in [TS]

  Shanghai Shanghai the city of the future [TS]

  yeah a.m. pacific rim all the girls go [TS]

  to a hong kong so I i guess i'm saying [TS]

  is based on movies it seems like we [TS]

  should learn something Chinese well so [TS]

  my feeling about my own daughter [TS]

  you know i don't know if you knew this [TS]

  but when I was a little kid till I was [TS]

  two years old or three years old and a [TS]

  Japanese Naomi and she and her husband [TS]

  both live with us [TS]

  this was back when this was back in the [TS]

  late sixties when before japan was an [TS]

  industrial powerhouse when Japanese [TS]

  people would still come to America and [TS]

  act as nannies instead of instead of as [TS]

  industrial production design corporate [TS]

  masters from ya coaches and tutors the [TS]

  ad there they were my nanny and I was [TS]

  like learning japanese as a little kid [TS]

  and then they got deported because they [TS]

  were here on student pieces and we [TS]

  didn't have the my parents didn't have [TS]

  the power to [TS]

  keep them in the country because that [TS]

  you know their fortunes have fallen by [TS]

  that point politically so I lost my [TS]

  opportunity to grow up speaking Japanese [TS]

  I would love speaking Japanese I know [TS]

  Anna and and and I'm still angry about [TS]

  it i'm angry at the nation of Japan and [TS]

  I'm angry at that at-bat American [TS]

  government i'm going to crush them both [TS]

  when I become a supervillain I don't [TS]

  blame you did when I was didn't pull an [TS]

  uncle jack or anything there's no nobody [TS]

  could have stepped in it was you know [TS]

  like that whole whole student visa [TS]

  working on a student visa overstay your [TS]

  student visa that's just one of those [TS]

  like everybody gets busted for that [TS]

  right how many politicians have gotten [TS]

  busted because their nannies working [TS]

  under the table it's like the backdoor [TS]

  bust white people for their for their [TS]

  honored privilege there are reflected [TS]

  privilege but in any case my feeling [TS]

  about about my own little girl is that i [TS]

  am going to sign her up for karate [TS]

  lessons at a young age for the for the [TS]

  following reasons [TS]

  karate is no longer even a fashionable [TS]

  martial art and martial arts are an [TS]

  extremely nerdy thing for a person to [TS]

  pursue in high school or junior higher [TS]

  grade school I mean grade school I guess [TS]

  it's probably pretty cool there's a [TS]

  certain moment where if you are studying [TS]

  martial arts you are just automatically [TS]

  relegated to the dungeons and dragons [TS]

  room and it off of the band room in your [TS]

  high school at lunchtime you know like [TS]

  you don't walk around in those toe shoes [TS]

  for long before you get branded a [TS]

  outlier so i'm i'm trying to try to [TS]

  Shepherd my daughter through these [TS]

  difficult teenage years by casting her [TS]

  in iron as a nerd early on by forcing [TS]

  her to take martial arts not forcing but [TS]

  like it's pointing sukiyaki you get in [TS]

  there early to give her something she's [TS]

  gonna have to fight about em and you [TS]

  should be good to go so I get her into [TS]

  martial arts when it seems like it's [TS]

  just a fun exercise you know like [TS]

  exercise game [TS]

  and then when she's you know 14 years [TS]

  old and develops a bosom she's just [TS]

  wearing a those kendo garmin's and you [TS]

  know the cheerleaders don't want her at [TS]

  the party or whatever and then later on [TS]

  when she's 24 [TS]

  all that suffering through high school [TS]

  of being like a nerdy martial arts [TS]

  outcast and then at 24 she'll be like [TS]

  should be a total should be like [TS]

  scarlett johansson in that avengers [TS]

  movie [TS]

  yeah well i mean it's it's a brilliant [TS]

  plan because it has built-in [TS]

  consequences as you say you will make [TS]

  her energy will make her an outcast [TS]

  you'll have her but she's also gonna get [TS]

  self-confidence [TS]

  she's not gonna care that she's an [TS]

  outcast and it's not a perfect way to [TS]

  enter she's going to be chopping boards [TS]

  and have and I'm gonna I'm gonna try and [TS]

  find her karate teacher who will always [TS]

  speak to her in Japanese so will they [TS]

  will double thread it [TS]

  well it's triple threat nerd nerd um [TS]

  protects you in high school [TS]

  this is this is this is counter to what [TS]

  we always think of nerd them that nerdy [TS]

  museum is a albatross and high school [TS]

  but in fact it protects you [TS]

  that's the kind of inoculation you're [TS]

  given her a little bit of the the cowpox [TS]

  she won't get cowpox later [TS]

  exactly you inoculate them with nerdy [TS]

  wouldn't dirty minds pursuits not like [TS]

  you and it's interesting because you're [TS]

  not saying like oh you know you're going [TS]

  to teach you to be into magic the [TS]

  gathering or something that's just you [TS]

  know never be retarded remind our [TS]

  listeners that John is sick he's not in [TS]

  his right mind right now na Jeong said [TS]

  that oh it's a what it's a wonderful [TS]

  it's a wonderful kind of like there's [TS]

  nothing intrinsically nerdy about [TS]

  martial arts they are that they are like [TS]

  globally and hard work hard and it's [TS]

  fantastic and it had comes with all the [TS]

  attendant like Buddhism but I barely [TS]

  understand we get you can eat discipline [TS]

  like things kindergarten my daughter [TS]

  goes to school for how many hours a day [TS]

  to learn how to follow orders [TS]

  that's what kindergarten is learning to [TS]

  sit still learning to you know everyone [TS]

  yeah and to not hit people [TS]

  and stuff like that but I mean we aren't [TS]

  she took a few weeks of weight we want [TS]

  Marshall we want num don't know it was a [TS]

  pretty generic version of you know Jay [TS]

  random karate she took but it was she [TS]

  did it for a few weeks and it was pretty [TS]

  impressive i mean if you got a schedule [TS]

  you got to be respectful you you guys [TS]

  it's got all this stuff to it that I [TS]

  could never give her right so really I'm [TS]

  more than happy to get the timing was a [TS]

  terrible time a day I don't know how you [TS]

  schedule anything for a child at [TS]

  three-thirty p.m. i'm tired she's tired [TS]

  no one wants to make karate at [TS]

  three-thirty so it's my problem i broked [TS]

  anyone sit there and watch you do it but [TS]

  but no but I you know I want to eat your [TS]

  young I wanted to go and learn some kind [TS]

  of really cool you know mostly hand and [TS]

  foot like kung foo that's what i would [TS]

  like that because it's cool to it looks [TS]

  cool [TS]

  taekwondo you can literally break [TS]

  everybody's bones but doesn't look [TS]

  nearly as cool as country I wanted to [TS]

  look cool even if it's nerdy eventually [TS]

  when she's wearing her dojo to the [TS]

  singles bar and somebody comes up in [TS]

  remarks are big boobies she can break [TS]

  exactly a specific bone in somebody's [TS]

  hand and still not not drop to drink [TS]

  yeah you know I really that's not that's [TS]

  the thing you know it's like you get [TS]

  into inches behind the board to be able [TS]

  to do that and she's got she's gonna [TS]

  have a whole lifetime behind that ship [TS]

  that will pay her back forever [TS]

  this is what I'm saying what if she's [TS]

  ever buried alive in a coffin [TS]

  okay I'm listening does she sit there [TS]

  and scream and claw the coffin lid until [TS]

  she runs out of breath or does she put [TS]

  her hand against the lid of the coffin [TS]

  and gradually make a fist and punch in a [TS]

  very small amount of space until she has [TS]

  punched through the lid of the confident [TS]

  dug yourself out [TS]

  I think this is a very interesting [TS]

  scenario i must tell you because first [TS]

  of all educational levels to this level [TS]

  number one if you're buried alive or you [TS]

  can talk about this I really don't like [TS]

  talking about being buried but I think [TS]

  for the sake of this podcast we can do [TS]

  about locked in a closet we do that [TS]

  how is it on the ground floor yeah there [TS]

  might be people coming by [TS]

  by the end of the day yeah alright we [TS]

  can talk about that if it's a basement [TS]

  closet I don't want to talk about it i [TS]

  find it very implausible when people [TS]

  don't initially panic in a movie I think [TS]

  everyone pretty much everyone should [TS]

  initially panic in a situation like that [TS]

  when they don't have a little bit [TS]

  suspicious unless they're matt damon [TS]

  right yeah you're right sure he doesn't [TS]

  put the cold as ice [TS]

  keep it then here's the thing i'm also i [TS]

  find it equally implausible if people [TS]

  have not explored every square [TS]

  centimeter of the space to try and find [TS]

  a trapdoor some kind of a lever a [TS]

  painting that they could move possibly a [TS]

  bust [TS]

  I think you should be looking front and [TS]

  when people don't do that i'm a little [TS]

  surprised you know thing is what your [TS]

  daughter is going to have and I wish to [TS]

  God my daughter would have if God forbid [TS]

  she's ever buried alive is that [TS]

  understanding that you just might be [TS]

  able to get out of this right if you [TS]

  remember your training [TS]

  yeah you really should keep your head [TS]

  about you and then get a lot of energy [TS]

  because the end now here's the next [TS]

  level though what if she hits it [TS]

  I don't freak out here what if he hits [TS]

  it and then six feet of dirt cover her [TS]

  up and she don't have the question of [TS]

  the coffin anymore [TS]

  well then speed the collapse you know I [TS]

  mean like if you're going to die of [TS]

  being buried alive [TS]

  let's get it over with and not have that [TS]

  the four hours of ripping your [TS]

  fingernails off [TS]

  yes trying to claw your way out of a [TS]

  coffin let's just have dirty with the [TS]

  right amount of training you could do it [TS]

  for six to eight hours probably house [TS]

  yeah but you know here's the other thing [TS]

  i think based on you know I based on [TS]

  what I know about villains is the most [TS]

  of them have a built-in hubris just [TS]

  stupid to get a little bit showy right [TS]

  there's a walkie-talkie our camera [TS]

  involved and they find some way to game [TS]

  it so i think also you might want to [TS]

  show her lot obviously when she's ready [TS]

  to show her enough movies so that she [TS]

  knows how she might be able to take in [TS]

  turn it and flip the villain to their [TS]

  side maybe end up with them in the [TS]

  coffin instead well see what I'm what [TS]

  I'm counting on [TS]

  is that hurts part of her backstory is [TS]

  that her father at some point turns to [TS]

  the Stars your daughter this is my [TS]

  daughter get that her father becomes a [TS]

  supervillain [TS]

  and you know what supervillain who who [TS]

  believes that he is acting on the acting [TS]

  in the cause of justice and right but he [TS]

  becomes a madman and then thats that's [TS]

  like something that's informing her her [TS]

  character arc because she's you know she [TS]

  has all these powers but she just wants [TS]

  to live as a normal person she wants to [TS]

  shoot just want everybody to know that [TS]

  her last name is roderick because that's [TS]

  the name that lives in infamy in her [TS]

  world I wouldn't it be like her like an [TS]

  Indian like magneto or something [TS]

  exactly so she just wants to go to a [TS]

  regular college magneto wits and not [TS]

  users not use your special power she [TS]

  puts on glasses and put your hair up in [TS]

  a bun because she's just a just a [TS]

  regular nurse just another quote unquote [TS]

  library science student at you that's [TS]

  right just starting her freshman year [TS]

  until her father's yeah the forefathers [TS]

  that minions and sworn enemies and start [TS]

  another battle for the future of Earth [TS]

  blah blah etcetera etcetera but i wanted [TS]

  to be ready [TS]

  yeah you know one problem is if you [TS]

  become too successful [TS]

  you know you look at all these stories [TS]

  you know where where where the the [TS]

  parent is extremely successful I mean [TS]

  ask Frank Frank Sinatra jr. was he a [TS]

  happy guy knows because his dad was was [TS]

  a dykon-- and really successful as being [TS]

  Crosby's kids how they felt well their [TS]

  dad was a dick and he was really [TS]

  successful I think if you were to really [TS]

  focus on becoming a tragic character you [TS]

  could do a lot for your daughter you [TS]

  give her something to fight for [TS]

  right well he's not gonna fight for you [TS]

  if you're like you know when in a wing [TS]

  grammys and stuff yeah this is the pygmy [TS]

  I don't want my kids to be Bing Crosby's [TS]

  kid you know you want your kid to be [TS]

  Bing Crosby and what mistakes that big [TS]

  Crosby's father make those are the [TS]

  mistakes that I'm trying to emulate yeah [TS]

  and now i see you want to be Bing Crosby [TS]

  senior yeah exactly i don't i don't want [TS]

  I don't want my daughter to end up being [TS]

  Nancy Sinatra right that's no that's no [TS]

  way to go [TS]

  yeah yeah that was not next to his kids [TS]

  yeah you know he and I lived in the same [TS]

  door huh not continuously yeah right [TS]

  separated by 50 years [TS]

  Gonzaga zag yeah he's a he's a good egg [TS]

  alum and famously famously got kicked [TS]

  out of Gonzaga for being a discipline [TS]

  problem and now they have a statue of [TS]

  him in front of the library [TS]

  well so I was also kicked out of Gonzaga [TS]

  or just ask you where's my fucking [TS]

  statue UK with the belt I mean no [TS]

  offense but you know maybe that's maybe [TS]

  they were looking for a turnaround maybe [TS]

  they're looking for a little more [TS]

  decisiveness yeah I feel like that i [TS]

  feel like i need to make another [TS]

  Christmas album i think that's what [TS]

  really putting over-the-top need to make [TS]

  a Christmas album it's not so irreverent [TS]

  man parenting is complicated you could [TS]

  do that again we do another holiday a [TS]

  album that was not a lot of work [TS]

  it was a lot of work it but it was a lot [TS]

  of work packed into a short amount of [TS]

  time which is the kind of work that we [TS]

  like to do but a but you know my feeling [TS]

  about the holidays is like like well I [TS]

  share it with Jonathan cold this is [TS]

  feeling of total ambivalence to the [TS]

  holidays I was hoping to go I was hoping [TS]

  I so I got offered a spanish tour around [TS]

  Christmas this year right and I when I [TS]

  looked at all the details in an email [TS]

  back and forth with my spanish people [TS]

  and it was it was always one of those [TS]

  Spanish tours that had been that had [TS]

  been designed by science to sound [TS]

  amazing [TS]

  and when you put all the numbers into [TS]

  the funk but function machine and use [TS]

  standard the other side of the function [TS]

  machine and function machine of course [TS]

  just has one red light on it and nobody [TS]

  nobody like Captain Pike nobody nobody [TS]

  is no switches and and you you said on [TS]

  the other side of the function machine [TS]

  you're waiting for the readout to come [TS]

  out the other side like how this kind of [TS]

  just all going to pencil out and it just [TS]

  it just puts a big poop it just poops [TS]

  you put all the be put all the numbers [TS]

  all the money and one-sided just poops [TS]

  no other side so the timing money States [TS]

  passel people function machine just [TS]

  brought out a big red poop [TS]

  yeah and it's and it's all those things [TS]

  line up it's just that the people who [TS]

  represent pop music and Spain have got [TS]

  it down to a science [TS]

  where they know exactly how much to [TS]

  offer you so that it feels like a [TS]

  Sophie's Choice like they could find the [TS]

  amount of money that is just enough that [TS]

  you feel like turning it down is crazy [TS]

  but if you accept it you are actually [TS]

  yeah if you accept that you actually [TS]

  lose you know like in the end it costs [TS]

  you money to go play for people and [TS]

  there's I mean like can we have to think [TS]

  of it there's not enough of an [TS]

  inconvenience cushion that like if this [TS]

  as inevitably happens does not go as [TS]

  well as it seems like it well well well [TS]

  I would be sitting there in hotelroom [TS]

  Madrid cutting myself that I ever did [TS]

  this [TS]

  yeah that's exactly right what it ends [TS]

  up being I've done enough European [TS]

  tourists at to have had this experience [TS]

  multiple times you're sitting in the [TS]

  airport on the way home and you are [TS]

  looking in your money bag which at one [TS]

  point on the two or three weeks in that [TS]

  money bag was full of money and there [TS]

  was a time you know one week prior when [TS]

  you're sitting in a hotel room somewhere [TS]

  in Zagora and your money bag was so full [TS]

  of money that you were like I'm never [TS]

  gonna work again i'm rich and then that [TS]

  last week is all people showing up and [TS]

  saying i love my friend I am the person [TS]

  who supplied the wire that ran the [TS]

  electricity from the building to the abs [TS]

  and I need 1000 euros and you just pay [TS]

  1000 euros so many people on your way [TS]

  out and then you're at the airport and [TS]

  here's just a line of people that's like [TS]

  X it's like a line of people like when [TS]

  you're when you're leaving Downton Abbey [TS]

  and your type all of the staff has lined [TS]

  up but you have to give every one of [TS]

  them a thousand euros and then you're [TS]

  sitting in the airport you're waiting [TS]

  for your plane and you're looking at [TS]

  your money bag and it just has Bob's in [TS]

  it [TS]

  gracias Senor thank you and you're [TS]

  thinking I'm shifted i have people to [TS]

  pay when i get back home there were [TS]

  people that like we got a feeling it was [TS]

  the t-shirt guy still gotta pay him and [TS]

  there was the that was like drop but [TS]

  there's all the all the should i put on [TS]

  my credit card and just like uh so in [TS]

  the famous words of eugene mirman there [TS]

  wasn't there used to be a time when a [TS]

  hotel room felt like pay like getting a [TS]

  free hotel room felt like we were [TS]

  getting paid right and then this time [TS]

  goes on that's that's no longer the [TS]

  feeling I'm really suspicious of [TS]

  anything where they take care of things [TS]

  for you [TS]

  Oh see that's it that's exactly how they [TS]

  do business over there it's like we got [TS]

  it all covered all you gotta do turnkey [TS]

  right yeah yeah LOL stereo alternate [TS]

  yafei you show up and and you just walk [TS]

  right in your plug-in and bombing us [TS]

  it's already and here's all the money [TS]

  that you're gonna get it's just that all [TS]

  of those things are taken care of by my [TS]

  brother-in-law and his brother-in-law [TS]

  and his brother-in-law [TS]

  it's like the middle cheese or whatever [TS]

  its it either like all those Pope's all [TS]

  those Pope's that that became Pope's [TS]

  even though they were they were [TS]

  pederasts it's just this business a long [TS]

  circle of brother-in-law's that keeps [TS]

  and that's why that's why italy has had [TS]

  45 governments in the last 30 years and [TS]

  its wide that's why I'm not doing this [TS]

  spanish to her so it's well i'll talk [TS]

  about school year but it sounds like you [TS]

  like in the period of like what like 10 [TS]

  days when you get like a ridiculous [TS]

  deluge of like offers like I want to [TS]

  pretend to fall 10 years old let's come [TS]

  to shows here and there and it seemed [TS]

  like you had this you just turn your [TS]

  turn your humble upside down and all [TS]

  these kids were just following your [TS]

  umbrella lab yeah but then you mean it [TS]

  and it ends up that the-the-the so the [TS]

  offers that seem like completely [TS]

  legitimate art exactly as reliable as [TS]

  the offers that you get on Twitter from [TS]

  people saying come to Iowa City [TS]

  you can stay at my house like it's [TS]

  basically like come to Spain you can see [TS]

  it's not legally binding [TS]

  uh-huh so but but it's funny [TS]

  a couple years ago I got offer that the [TS]

  government of Iceland put together an [TS]

  ISIL I reckon vixy at all [TS]

  friendship committee and they were like [TS]

  we want we want regular can Seattle to [TS]

  be to think of each other as sister [TS]

  cities in the world and they brought a [TS]

  bunch of Icelandic musicians to Seattle [TS]

  and we put on a big show where we played [TS]

  with our Icelandic counterparts and Eric [TS]

  course and I played some songs with this [TS]

  guy muga ssin from from Iceland who is a [TS]

  great guy we had a wonderful time [TS]

  together and then the Icelandic [TS]

  government said we want to fly you to [TS]

  Iceland and we're going to produce do [TS]

  the same thing in regular put on a big [TS]

  show and it'll be a bunch of isolated [TS]

  musicians and Seattle musicians [TS]

  and we want you to be like the [TS]

  centerpiece of it then I said amazing of [TS]

  course I can't wait [TS]

  and then as the week's went by you know [TS]

  the first thing they said was a mugen [TS]

  can't do it because he's gonna be in [TS]

  Scotland's mixing his record with the [TS]

  arab strap so but we got another guy we [TS]

  got this we got the we got the younger [TS]

  cousin of the bass player of the side [TS]

  project of the piano player from [TS]

  cigarillos and he's going to be the [TS]

  movie set for your show it was like oh [TS]

  alright ok the inr in law [TS]

  yeah exactly and then they're like you [TS]

  need to send us you need to you need to [TS]

  send us a credit card for the hotel room [TS]

  and we're gonna pay for what we need you [TS]

  need to send the credit card number [TS]

  because that's that's how we do it in [TS]

  Iceland and I was like the show is it [TS]

  for six months they're like we have to [TS]

  have it by tomorrow the whole thing is [TS]

  cancelled [TS]

  oh my christ because you because you [TS]

  know it's iceland and this is how we do [TS]

  business and I was like well slow down a [TS]

  little bit here like at everything's [TS]

  going to be fine then I'm talking to a [TS]

  little bit more they're like well so you [TS]

  and your show are in you know you're [TS]

  absolutely the prime spot of this [TS]

  regular summer fast you go on at three [TS]

  thirty in the afternoon on the on the on [TS]

  the Nome at stage and you're right [TS]

  before the puppet show and I was like [TS]

  right before the puppet show really you [TS]

  realize that is like this letter that's [TS]

  a canonical rock-and-roll joke [TS]

  yeah that is an american rock joke [TS]

  puppet show and long with threat right [TS]

  before the publication and they were [TS]

  like they were extremely offended [TS]

  they're like puppet shows are very [TS]

  important part of Icelandic culture [TS]

  sir there's like this deal is changing [TS]

  all the time and then the guy from the [TS]

  hotel was really mad and he's like you [TS]

  have your staying two extra days the [TS]

  festival's not paying for and you have [TS]

  to pay for it and the and this is the [TS]

  height of Icelandic tourist season so [TS]

  it's 1000 kroner and night and the [TS]

  kroner is worth the kroger on the [TS]

  international market is worth 40 pounds [TS]

  of mushrooms [TS]

  and 40 pounds of mushrooms is 600 [TS]

  american dollars that's a total jam up [TS]

  John [TS]

  it was like a net the more emails i got [TS]

  from Iceland the more confused i was and [TS]

  I was like all I wanted to do was go [TS]

  play in iceland with muga ssin and now [TS]

  i'm playing before a puppet show with [TS]

  the but the second cousin of the 3rd [TS]

  bass player of cigarettes in the middle [TS]

  of the day and I've seen some [TS]

  documentaries about Iceland I know that [TS]

  the best I can hope for is polite [TS]

  applause the there's a there's a bigger [TS]

  chance that they will just openly scoff [TS]

  at me and noms running all over the [TS]

  place and you know how I feel about [TS]

  gnomes and I don't like I don't like any [TS]

  currency that I have to translate an [TS]

  amount into mushrooms on its way to [TS]

  dollars and so I think the mushroom [TS]

  standard it's like this weird thing [TS]

  where it's like that's not tied to the [TS]

  euro it's tied to the like it's time to [TS]

  the mushroom market and it's like I was [TS]

  telling you can tell you okay yeah i [TS]

  would I leave that everything I've heard [TS]

  when i first got into the sugarcubes I [TS]

  tried to learn just enough and i was so [TS]

  disoriented so quickly that I i ran the [TS]

  other way it sounded like deliberately [TS]

  confusing as a culture [TS]

  Yeah Yeah Yeah right not delightful they [TS]

  take care of the people but it sounds [TS]

  completely baffling as a culture they [TS]

  you know they harvest harvest geothermal [TS]

  steam and turn it into magic tricks i [TS]

  don't know i don't know how Iceland I [TS]

  don't know anything i don't i don't [TS]

  believe I'm not even sure that Iceland [TS]

  Israel I there was a guy named Eric like [TS]

  something you'd build in the window of [TS]

  macy's that's exactly right it's a trail [TS]

  like that has done by like like Danny [TS]

  Elfman and charles bukowski like it just [TS]

  it doesn't make sense [TS]

  there was a guy in my in my ninth-grade [TS]

  English class made Darrell who had [TS]

  formerly lived in Iceland because his [TS]

  father was in the Air Force and Darrell [TS]

  said at one point that people in Iceland [TS]

  drive at night to save gas light he said [TS]

  that everybody in Iceland if they have [TS]

  errands they did they wait until it's [TS]

  night they drive at night to save gas [TS]

  and I was like mmm i don't i don't think [TS]

  i think this is all fake [TS]

  I think this isn't made up and it's [TS]

  super annoying or it's true and it's [TS]

  super annoying [TS]

  I think it's a reverse area 51 where the [TS]

  where the Air Force has been telling us [TS]

  that there's this place called iceland [TS]

  in order to distract us from the portal [TS]

  where the alien mother ships into the [TS]

  center of the earth so we spend the [TS]

  afternoon googling about Iceland we go [TS]

  we're reading wikipedia things and all [TS]

  these apparently real quote unquote [TS]

  articles about gonna go to Iceland [TS]

  meanwhile over here the portal is [TS]

  opening and closing like sauron's great [TS]

  I that's right that's right and we're [TS]

  not even noticing it because we are like [TS]

  on a whale-watching whatever i'm sure [TS]

  sounds but in any case that was the [TS]

  first time I had ever just looked a [TS]

  bunch of money because it was a bunch of [TS]

  money on the surface of it like a five [TS]

  figures money it was just yeah here's [TS]

  here's a ton of money it's ice land [TS]

  money but but if if it is to be believed [TS]

  it can be transferred into american [TS]

  money i am much but you have to pay for [TS]

  you have to pay for these hotels and [TS]

  there's you know and there's going to be [TS]

  a shame surcharge as everyone discs and [TS]

  then you have to tip the mushroom EA [TS]

  when they are turning into dollars and I [TS]

  pictured myself at the at the airport [TS]

  and recollect buying like 14 Icelandic [TS]

  sweaters i knew i was going to do it so [TS]

  i had to factor that into the cost and [TS]

  so I knew I was gonna it was a trip that [TS]

  if i took it i was going to come back i [TS]

  was going to come back with a chap tas i [TS]

  was going to come back with no money and [TS]

  mad and so I and I turned it down and [TS]

  then and I still never been to Iceland [TS]

  so much have I not been to Iceland that [TS]

  I don't even believe it's a real country [TS]

  but I look back at that decision and I [TS]

  can't fault it because the did that [TS]

  because the initial deal started going [TS]

  sideways right away and and by that and [TS]

  and from wall from all signs in my [TS]

  communications with these isolated [TS]

  people and up some of the moment was [TS]

  talking to the like the council and the [TS]

  ambassador's office and stuff and they [TS]

  were talking to me this way as though it [TS]

  were nor [TS]

  bowl uh-huh i was like listen I'm not as [TS]

  scared maybe and I do not I do not like [TS]

  big bark dad about a credit card [TS]

  don't bark at me you you little bit [TS]

  something like that very people for your [TS]

  attention Irv Icelandic nerve for me I [TS]

  it's it's become so difficult for me to [TS]

  do business with anyone because my my uh [TS]

  Iceland are has gotten so heavily tuned [TS]

  to like what could go wrong with [TS]

  something because it does it sounds [TS]

  ridiculous to say but and the problem is [TS]

  the more of that dealing with strangers [TS]

  about business that I that I have to do [TS]

  and that's the thing is when you're [TS]

  doing stuff like we do in our own ways [TS]

  you have people that you work with and [TS]

  god willing to work with them again and [TS]

  even then this may not be the same [TS]

  conditions but more often than not least [TS]

  for me i'm working with people i've ever [TS]

  met before [TS]

  I'm talking about money I've never [TS]

  gotten paid before i'm talking about [TS]

  doing work in a place I've never been [TS]

  before and it's all extremely [TS]

  speculative and requires a tremendous [TS]

  amount of at least at least [TS]

  communication and hopefully trust right [TS]

  and and the trust really comes mostly [TS]

  from me because they're asking me to do [TS]

  a thing and I i wouldn't say this if I [TS]

  think this is true for more people then [TS]

  they may realize and what you know [TS]

  there's all kinds of ways that this can [TS]

  this can happen i mean it's it's the [TS]

  basis of every scam really is like i'm [TS]

  going to give you this thing that seems [TS]

  either like a Spanish Lee accurate or [TS]

  Icelandic Lee wonderful and the thing is [TS]

  as long as you don't think about it too [TS]

  much it's going to seem like a good gig [TS]

  right but right away it because because [TS]

  they had you a business card and and and [TS]

  your trust [TS]

  they are counting on you to trust them [TS]

  because they have a business card that [TS]

  says even though they've never in any [TS]

  many years that you in the 40 whatever [TS]

  for years you've been on earth [TS]

  you've never gotten money from them for [TS]

  anything ever which is not bad thing but [TS]

  we must remember that until John has [TS]

  gotten money from them [TS]

  John has never got money from them this [TS]

  is what this is what happened when i [TS]

  worked out what i do when i played some [TS]

  shows for Microsoft huh [TS]

  and all of it 99-92 about their net 90 [TS]

  they pay 30 APR three months after you [TS]

  do it [TS]

  yeah well and not only that but i had to [TS]

  go through [TS]

  the entire process of becoming a [TS]

  Microsoft contract [TS]

  Oh John you don't want oh no I like [TS]

  you're like you're fucking Boeing it was [TS]

  it was right that you're like you're [TS]

  gonna be like a contractor [TS]

  yeah providing like I like Ivy equipment [TS]

  to the United States Marines yeah I had [TS]

  to I had to walk through so it was like [TS]

  was like walking through the Starship [TS]

  Enterprise every door like butt into [TS]

  Maxwell smarts the cave is just like you [TS]

  walk through a door there's a door that [TS]

  goes blue and you walk through the doors [TS]

  are just like deeper and deeper into [TS]

  antechamber one yeah that's like you [TS]

  guys promised me this money all its [TS]

  makes me so goddamn i really did the [TS]

  goddamn big what am i doing and for me [TS]

  and for me what that comes down to what [TS]

  they really hire me for in most cases is [TS]

  to come in and do a one-hour talk and I [TS]

  can parse that a bunch of ways well no [TS]

  actually it's a 1i charge like it's one [TS]

  day because it is one day for me but you [TS]

  know yeah sure [TS]

  essentially you want to come in and talk [TS]

  for 15 minutes about something that you [TS]

  think is important but to do that it's [TS]

  it's it's excruciating what you have to [TS]

  go through just to do this with it like [TS]

  don't you have petty cash around like [TS]

  this is what you pay for like one day of [TS]

  light bulbs in your yeah maybe at the [TS]

  stage door with an envelope so I love [TS]

  you have to be complicated [TS]

  okay so I'm gonna say that I'm trying to [TS]

  get this out because i think this is [TS]

  important to me when it comes down [TS]

  well I guess what I would say there's [TS]

  these i think in threes one of the [TS]

  things i think there has to be what [TS]

  people come at you with something [TS]

  involving some combination of time money [TS]

  and respect or courtesy and in the best [TS]

  situations they have lots of time to [TS]

  work it out [TS]

  they have a reasonable 22 excellent [TS]

  amount of money to give you a huge [TS]

  amount of respect and courtesy for your [TS]

  time and for the relationship and [TS]

  ideally you will respond in kind [TS]

  right but you know in the worst cases [TS]

  you get none of those which is somebody [TS]

  calls you at the last minute and then [TS]

  they're all pissed off because you won't [TS]

  do it for free [TS]

  yeah that's that's that's the bottom [TS]

  rung but if you can work all those [TS]

  things out and the courtesy thing [TS]

  matters because you can tell if they [TS]

  don't understand that you are free agent [TS]

  on your own and that you're basically [TS]

  you know your your and 30 guy like [TS]

  you've got to get paid because you have [TS]

  the people that you work for you want to [TS]

  get paid like you've got to pay for [TS]

  things it right there expenses [TS]

  I don't want to buy this plane ticket [TS]

  just because [TS]

  you think this might be a good idea but [TS]

  here's my thing is like I like people [TS]

  like people who give me money I like [TS]

  people who give me a lot of money and I [TS]

  like people who give me a lot of money [TS]

  more than once [TS]

  yeah yeah those are the best people yeah [TS]

  but you know give me money giving to [TS]

  give it to me quickly and giving to me [TS]

  more than once that's great [TS]

  so the thing is that you got to have at [TS]

  least two of those yeah you know what i [TS]

  mean in other words i'm not putting this [TS]

  well already but you like to be given to [TS]

  me quickly [TS]

  well you give it to me give it to me [TS]

  more than once again the worst case [TS]

  you've got somebody who you'll never [TS]

  work with again that wants to give you [TS]

  next to no money and it will take a long [TS]

  time you know [TS]

  okay so here's the thing like if we work [TS]

  together a lot and it's a medium amount [TS]

  of money we pay for all the time you [TS]

  want i can wait I can wait a little bit [TS]

  on that [TS]

  yeah you know if it's a thing is if [TS]

  there's hardly any time involved like if [TS]

  you want this like if you're really hot [TS]

  to like get this thing sign that you [TS]

  want done like next week and especially [TS]

  if it's not a lot of money like when I [TS]

  hang up this phone that's when it's due [TS]

  and all the time that that's not paid [TS]

  we're not working together and it [TS]

  frustrates me that people don't get that [TS]

  that their their urgency about that so [TS]

  I'm not mean to piss and moan like you [TS]

  know white wine about this but I think [TS]

  it's something you know when people work [TS]

  on their own they they put up with a lot [TS]

  of bullshit from people who are bullies [TS]

  and they make their entire they spend [TS]

  their entire life doing nothing but [TS]

  dealing with people like you and me and [TS]

  then being bullies they painted this [TS]

  picture of what its gonna be like to go [TS]

  to Spain and if you actually sit there [TS]

  and look at the details of the painting [TS]

  it's not actually that attractive but [TS]

  now it's your thing because you agreed [TS]

  to do it [TS]

  yeah and no nobody respects the [TS]

  freelancer and nobody respects the you [TS]

  know it's a everybody takes their cut [TS]

  but they're all set mind the desk and [TS]

  they're just you know they're making [TS]

  their living taking five percent of [TS]

  everything but but they don't they don't [TS]

  wait for their invoices to get filled [TS]

  you know what I mean like the money [TS]

  comes through the month they are where [TS]

  the money sits and waits [TS]

  yeah and if you're a guy if your guy [TS]

  microsoft is empowered to spend five [TS]

  thousand eight hundred dollars on this [TS]

  event [TS]

  well then that's not his money back to [TS]

  you that right is going to fill out some [TS]

  forms and then you're going to be the [TS]

  one who has to show up around the [TS]

  treadmill that you [TS]

  hours in order to get the basic form [TS]

  that gets you the form that can see the [TS]

  forward you know that that was the gig i [TS]

  did i've done some work with Microsoft [TS]

  I've been on the treadmill I showed up [TS]

  and I ran on a treadmill for two hours [TS]

  and then they applauded and they took [TS]

  three months to give me the check [TS]

  ah man I was very very quick story about [TS]

  the worst gig I never should have almost [TS]

  taken it was like when did you take it [TS]

  I don't understand that seductive [TS]

  actually i'm still unsure i might still [TS]

  be going through accounts receivable it [TS]

  was right around the time are really [TS]

  important like back when my book still [TS]

  had a chance of getting me and I had a [TS]

  draft was due and i got this impossibly [TS]

  great offer from a major pharma company [TS]

  in the area like basically always really [TS]

  going to create all you have to do is [TS]

  come out and do this talking about about [TS]

  about it's all the typical like like [TS]

  Merlin's greatest hits of pain because [TS]

  it sounded like the greatest thing in [TS]

  the world I was gonna come down there [TS]

  and I just I knew I could feel it in my [TS]

  god don't even keep talking to this [TS]

  person just don't do it don't do it [TS]

  don't do it of the million things that [TS]

  went wrong about this and they made a [TS]

  terrible decision for me to even keep [TS]

  talking to that person is the most part [TS]

  is the waiting [TS]

  the waiting is as Tom Petty says the [TS]

  hardest part is people who say they're [TS]

  going to give the shit this week and [TS]

  they don't give it to you today [TS]

  oh by the day you'll have it okay then [TS]

  it's friday friday goes by and now it's [TS]

  Tuesday Tyler was sick and you still [TS]

  haven't gotten it but now i'm turning [TS]

  other stuff away for this make-believe [TS]

  work the best part of this thing though [TS]

  the best part in the parts we got [TS]

  something up on they sent me [TS]

  ok attached you know dot docx please a [TS]

  you know sign this and send it back and [TS]

  it was literally for a contractor they [TS]

  sent me the kind i have a million [TS]

  dollars and insurance in order to a [TS]

  one-hour talk I showed it to my lawyer [TS]

  he said basically this is like the [TS]

  contract they would give to Boeing you [TS]

  have to you have to do all this for [TS]

  outside they wanted me to sign a thing [TS]

  that said a million dollars in liability [TS]

  insurance that they own all the IP on [TS]

  like every word of what I said forget [TS]

  that you ever get that a contract LOL [TS]

  because they because music is like but [TS]

  if you did the person doesn't know they [TS]

  just go grab a contract from Sally and [TS]

  and thrown shit they may not even look [TS]

  they're thinking that somebody would [TS]

  come in and say like Oh get the [TS]

  education contract [TS]

  well that might be the education [TS]

  contract for somebody who comes in and [TS]

  devises a two-year plan with workbooks [TS]

  and cd-rom [TS]

  terms that you would want to keep [TS]

  proprietary right but some some dipshit [TS]

  with a podcast comes in and talks about [TS]

  your email for an hour I i I'm gonna [TS]

  sign that over though I'm sorry John [TS]

  this is boring it's just food it's [TS]

  frustrating [TS]

  yeah i understand i mean i am I hate [TS]

  dealing with people in bad faith and [TS]

  again I feel like a putz it's like going [TS]

  to flingers and I'm the only one who [TS]

  doesn't want to acknowledge the fact [TS]

  that the waitress and me aren't really [TS]

  friends and I'm the dick [TS]

  well what can I want to help you [TS]

  well if John flensburg still listen to [TS]

  this podcast he's so mad right now that [TS]

  we don't have a cough button [TS]

  I don't think he listens anymore are you [TS]

  can be sure that and your races friend [TS]

  I you know my old New York City a [TS]

  rock-and-roll lawyer that was eventually [TS]

  those eventually died for fraud those [TS]

  guys you know they were really good [TS]

  about spending a year and a half going [TS]

  through a contract like that with a with [TS]

  the red pencil and nothing ever happens [TS]

  all business the business of businesses [TS]

  oh when you're playing at my level [TS]

  though I have a much simpler unit tests [TS]

  or you know kind of a little software [TS]

  test which is good through and find the [TS]

  first thing that's probably the is going [TS]

  to either be a pain in the ass for sure [TS]

  that they're kind of Nick's who haven't [TS]

  thought about this only takes one of [TS]

  those that were done is on the increase [TS]

  in the first sentence right on the first [TS]

  page usually yeah about what the parties [TS]

  are and like I'm gonna spend three [TS]

  hundred dollars an hour to like help by [TS]

  the way and in the case of that guy [TS]

  never took what I spent in having my [TS]

  attorney look at that contract already [TS]

  covered half of the game that i never [TS]

  got just dealing with the contract for [TS]

  the bone stock contract right okay [TS]

  change topics I if you want to talk [TS]

  about this i got hydrogen peroxide them [TS]

  that's too boring i was gonna ask you [TS]

  about touring in Europe because it [TS]

  sounds like a real mess in general [TS]

  boring to talk about [TS]

  oh it's no it's not boring it's [TS]

  wonderful to turn your opinion would [TS]

  save it you know it was it is it sounds [TS]

  like you deal with so many different [TS]

  people [TS]

  it isn't even like dealing with [TS]

  different guys you call on tuesday [TS]

  morning in different places in America [TS]

  it sounds like every system is a [TS]

  completely different fiefdom well and I [TS]

  can only hope that has changed but like [TS]

  in 99 and 2000 [TS]

  three and four let's say 10 years ago I [TS]

  don't see how you could live in europe [TS]

  because every single country had a [TS]

  separate cell phone empire that as soon [TS]

  as you cross from the Netherlands to [TS]

  Belgium you were paying a dollar a [TS]

  minute or you're paying a gyro a second [TS]

  to use your cell phone and you know and [TS]

  that's the equivalent of going from [TS]

  seattle to portland OR it seem as [TS]

  extreme further from seattle to portland [TS]

  mean by the in the distance from seattle [TS]

  to portland you would have crossed for [TS]

  national borders and paid you know and [TS]

  paid like out-of-country roaming charges [TS]

  to four different countries [TS]

  Wow and and you know there are as many [TS]

  people in Europe that think of the [TS]

  continent of Europe as sort of one big [TS]

  playground as there are people in [TS]

  America feel that way and if you were [TS]

  somebody who was you know who had [TS]

  friends in in cities all over like it [TS]

  was it was maddening [TS]

  I mean it and that is even Europe after [TS]

  they took down the national borders the [TS]

  first time I went there in 1989 you [TS]

  still had to you know go through [TS]

  passport control to get from one country [TS]

  to another and then at looking back [TS]

  looking back at it now like it makes [TS]

  sense it makes sense if it takes you [TS]

  five days on a horse to get from [TS]

  Brussels to Berlin but as soon as the [TS]

  car was invented it's incredible to me [TS]

  that those countries maintained their [TS]

  like chauvinistic sovereignty through [TS]

  all the 20th century and all of those [TS]

  wars and it's just insane and and it's [TS]

  crazy to think that that that that was [TS]

  that my first-hand experience of it was [TS]

  just that my fucking cell phone stopped [TS]

  working an hour [TS]

  or after I bought it you know the first [TS]

  time I bought a cellphone in europe i [TS]

  went into a into a Vodafone store on the [TS]

  dam in amsterdam and i bought a cell [TS]

  phone and I like made five calls and [TS]

  then I was in Germany and the thing was [TS]

  useless or or or close to useless then [TS]

  there are people that that used to buy [TS]

  little sim cards that they were for [TS]

  every country and rap up in little [TS]

  plastic bags and switch them out [TS]

  everything was like currency or or [TS]

  something where you just know i'm [TS]

  crossing over i gotta switch to this [TS]

  other chip totally bananas and I don't [TS]

  know if that's changed it Scott to have [TS]

  changed but maybe it hasn't [TS]

  who knows i haven't been i have not [TS]

  tried to the last four times I've been [TS]

  to your i have treated it like it was [TS]

  like I was out to see like I landed I [TS]

  turned my phone on to airport mode huh [TS]

  and i use it as a Wi-Fi device but i [TS]

  never ever tried to use my phone as a [TS]

  phone and I didn't ask anybody about it [TS]

  I was just like forget it [TS]

  fuck you forever I'm not going to use my [TS]

  phone over here and I and so touring is [TS]

  like turning over there is is wonderful [TS]

  ads and there's a part of me that's very [TS]

  brokenhearted about it because I made [TS]

  lifelong friends over there that I [TS]

  haven't seen in a long time because i [TS]

  don't have a new record and the whole [TS]

  the whole basis of my life that I [TS]

  establish 10 years ago was it was [TS]

  premise on this put out a new record [TS]

  every year and a half and keep this [TS]

  going as long as it can and all of your [TS]

  see all these friends you have made [TS]

  around the world will continue to be [TS]

  your friends because you'll see them [TS]

  every few months and as soon as you stop [TS]

  doing that as soon as I stop making [TS]

  records [TS]

  I stopped being part of a part of the [TS]

  economy of places and I went back to [TS]

  like if you want to come to germany by [TS]

  all means come as a tourist and we're [TS]

  busy [TS]

  so you come as a tourist and and you [TS]

  know maybe we'll meet you for coffee or [TS]

  whatever but like I'm not play and then [TS]

  that's true in the United States to i [TS]

  mean i have my friends I haven't seen in [TS]

  years because I stopped doing the thing [TS]

  that that gave me a reason to be there [TS]

  and now I don't have a reason to be [TS]

  there and that's part that's part of my [TS]

  my [TS]

  anhui my own going on we all the time i [TS]

  get my advice is honest i have a [TS]

  headache he moved onto honest i have [TS]

  almost and it is the august of what is [TS]

  my reason was my reason for being here I [TS]

  don't have one [TS]

  well I i feel that way about in [TS]

  retrospect I felt that way about College [TS]

  we're at the time I you know it was you [TS]

  know whatever good things we will you [TS]

  know I such as some kind of a cognitive [TS]

  bias but you know we were good things [TS]

  that happened to us we deserve you know [TS]

  we had it coming right and as an artist [TS]

  could that happen to us or like you know [TS]

  a problem or somebody's fault so going [TS]

  from being like a fairly kind of lonely [TS]

  kid living in the in the provinces to [TS]

  going to college and being surrounded by [TS]

  smart people and like going to this tiny [TS]

  school where I knew everybody was just I [TS]

  was like it wasn't great [TS]

  it wasn't all beer and skittles but [TS]

  there's a lot of beer but like I I [TS]

  suddenly was surrounded by people you [TS]

  just what I'm trying to say is like you [TS]

  would just I would bump into a hundred [TS]

  people a day without trying [TS]

  yeah and sometimes didn't want to see [TS]

  the hundred people but like I would just [TS]

  see these people all day long [TS]

  it was really jarring me to leave that [TS]

  environment and then suddenly i mean i [TS]

  still have my friends I still have a lot [TS]

  of friends but it was you had to be much [TS]

  more intentional about seeing people and [TS]

  all I think that's what you're [TS]

  describing is not so different from me [TS]

  check my mail and Hamilton center where [TS]

  I'm going to see 20 people i know along [TS]

  the way and can catch up in this [TS]

  impossibly casual easy way and I think [TS]

  that really that goes away once you in [TS]

  your case it was that you wouldn't have [TS]

  to like right now what would you do just [TS]

  make a list of all those people you [TS]

  probably remember mall but that would [TS]

  lead you past taking that tour will take [TS]

  you past at least half of all those [TS]

  people that you like to see it without [TS]

  you even trying [TS]

  well yeah those easy easy the fifth time [TS]

  that we played in Munich there were [TS]

  people there that i had been to all five [TS]

  shows and then I'd talk to [TS]

  five times in the last three years you [TS]

  know and that we had spent we've gone [TS]

  out for drinks afterwards and had spent [TS]

  some Mary Mary tons and those people you [TS]

  know after the first few times you're [TS]

  like I'm looking forward to seeing that [TS]

  person again they are like they are kid [TS]

  in a way and in high school I had that I [TS]

  had that group of friends in high school [TS]

  my high school friends were very tight [TS]

  and we were very competitive with each [TS]

  other if I look back at my high school [TS]

  my 10 friends in high school like they [TS]

  were in a lot of ways and a lot of ways [TS]

  my relationships with them were like my [TS]

  relationship with colin Meloy that it [TS]

  was it was a friendly and brand very [TS]

  competitive and often like the [TS]

  competition turned to thinly veiled [TS]

  hostility but these were my closest pals [TS]

  you know where we were always kind of [TS]

  trying to try to shoot the other one [TS]

  down both in class and socially like it [TS]

  was not it was not considered we were [TS]

  loyal to one another in that way you [TS]

  know if you could if you could shoot [TS]

  your friend down while he was trying to [TS]

  chat up a girl at a party if you could [TS]

  walk by and make some cutting remark and [TS]

  like blow up his game that was [TS]

  considered fair play in high school and [TS]

  there was no there wasn't a sense of [TS]

  like we're all in this together you know [TS]

  and when I went away to college my [TS]

  college that my experience at Gonzaga [TS]

  was maybe much closer to what most [TS]

  people think of is like normal friends [TS]

  treat each other like everybody kind of [TS]

  all the people i do in college this [TS]

  would like each other and they were [TS]

  friends with each other and I didn't [TS]

  understand those relationships I was [TS]

  like you know out at what point are we [TS]

  going to start playing mean pranks on [TS]

  each other in my college my college [TS]

  friends had all come from you know [TS]

  whatever their high school experiences [TS]

  had been mostly like that you don't have [TS]

  that many friends but the friends you do [TS]

  have are like warm and supportive [TS]

  it wasn't really a menthol through the [TS]

  grungees I mean it was a deeply [TS]

  competitive and and fraught era for me [TS]

  it wasn't until the indie-rock ears that [TS]

  I really felt like I had a network of [TS]

  people that that I liked that liked me [TS]

  and that we weren't out to get each [TS]

  other and i have remnants of that [TS]

  certainly but but I've really isolated [TS]

  myself from it and it's and so weird [TS]

  thing to come into in your thirties like [TS]

  hey look at this i know people in there [TS]

  they're not all tried to like they're [TS]

  all trying to cut me off at the knees [TS]

  depends on the context in the [TS]

  environment like you know based on my my [TS]

  feelings of many movies about the US [TS]

  military and special ops like there is [TS]

  there's a certain kind of constant [TS]

  jostling that yeah he won do another [TS]

  that's understood that that's part of [TS]

  the thing in high school I mean got him [TS]

  in my group there would be kind of [TS]

  jostling but we all knew what a fucking [TS]

  homemade mess each of us was and how [TS]

  close we were to like kind of falling [TS]

  apart at the seams so I think you know [TS]

  not not pushing too far on somebody's [TS]

  bed wetting was just considered you know [TS]

  the chorus right and that was that was [TS]

  the decorum that was absolutely missing [TS]

  in my group of friends like if when [TS]

  you're in high school in high school if [TS]

  you were outed as a bed-wetter [TS]

  oh my god your best friends were the [TS]

  ones that were going to shout it from [TS]

  the rooftops and we were always looking [TS]

  for the because because it was a because [TS]

  it was a fairly impressive group of kids [TS]

  we were always looking for the Achilles [TS]

  heel to like knock knock the other ones [TS]

  down a peg and I might have it might [TS]

  have inculcated in me this idea of [TS]

  friendship as being combative i don't i [TS]

  did not walk and maybe a bit [TS]

  this is an interesting question for me [TS]

  because my whole adult life combat and [TS]

  friendship is by is my model [TS]

  that the famous conversation i had with [TS]

  shawn nelson famous between me and Shawn [TS]

  Nelson where where he said you don't [TS]

  like any of the things i like why are [TS]

  you friends with me friends are people [TS]

  who like the same stuff and I said what [TS]

  that's crazy friends don't like the same [TS]

  stuff that's what makes them friends [TS]

  they like they like hate the other [TS]

  person's taste that's how you know your [TS]

  friends but [TS]

  friends but [TS]

  let's just be clear also it was it was [TS]

  it was consensual with your other [TS]

  friends who jostle definitely sell all [TS]

  they were evil I mean they were terrible [TS]

  you have it there you have it bad for [TS]

  you it was totally consensual but it was [TS]

  like I me not one time some fresh couple [TS]

  of guys came by my house to 22 and get [TS]

  me for something and i was in the [TS]

  bathtub upstairs and they rang the [TS]

  doorbell and I stuck my head out the [TS]

  window [TS]

  it was like hey what's up you guys and [TS]

  they kind of step back from the front [TS]

  door and looked up and they're like oh [TS]

  we thought you'd be ready and I was like [TS]

  I'll be ready in a minute just a second [TS]

  I'm you know I'm in the shower i'll be [TS]

  right down [TS]

  and i said i was in the shower because [TS]

  taking a bath is uncool you don't want [TS]

  to say I'm taking a bath with him taking [TS]

  a shower but it was in the middle of [TS]

  winter and i'm standing in the window [TS]

  and apparently there's steam coming off [TS]

  of me because i'm leaning out and like [TS]

  jumped out about some weeding out the [TS]

  window in the in the cold but my hair is [TS]

  dry [TS]

  they note o clock so for a a week or two [TS]

  after that they really tried to get the [TS]

  nickname steamin John haha go away they [TS]

  really wanted that to have traction and [TS]

  is with the job G Stephen John human [TS]

  John and this was that you know this is [TS]

  like the 1984 version of nice dockers [TS]

  did they really they thought they had [TS]

  they had all the pieces there i said i [TS]

  was in the shower but my hair was dry I [TS]

  was standing in the window and there was [TS]

  steam pouring off me [TS]

  something's not right here some there's [TS]

  there's like a there's a vulnerability [TS]

  hear that they can try to exploit and [TS]

  and steam and jon was what they were but [TS]

  they were pushing [TS]

  and at that age you know i had already [TS]

  learned like how not to let the nickname [TS]

  like that catch on but you know what [TS]

  part of it is like you didn't get my [TS]

  bullets for dealing with that with a [TS]

  nickname you I don't want yeah you kind [TS]

  of go into the blow a little bit like [TS]

  you're like stephen john that's right [TS]

  here i am steaming it up I'm summoning [TS]

  steam you pal finger gun and you just [TS]

  make it you just may get Dumber you just [TS]

  put the dub on it and it doesn't mean [TS]

  they can tell that it's bugging you when [TS]

  I don't know see I don't know how to do [TS]

  this I need to learn [TS]

  yeah the vulnerability you don't sit [TS]

  there and get red faced you know it's a [TS]

  knock it off guys you know you have to [TS]

  go into it a little better be like yeah [TS]

  that's right call me stephen jonny i'm [TS]

  eating it up like give it to me and they [TS]

  realized that like at least in those [TS]

  terms and what what what the ear [TS]

  audience is the third person right your [TS]

  audience's the person who is watching [TS]

  from the sidelines who's trying to [TS]

  decide for themselves whether stephen [TS]

  john is something they could get away [TS]

  with under the protective but the [TS]

  protective umbrella of the kids that are [TS]

  trying to turn it into a meme and so [TS]

  that what you're doing is you're looking [TS]

  around the room and you're looking at [TS]

  all the folder be looking at the weak [TS]

  minds and you're given them the the [TS]

  obi-wan Kenobi and you're like that's [TS]

  right give it a try [TS]

  why don't you try calling me Stephen [TS]

  Stephen John why don't you see how that [TS]

  works for you I'd really like you to try [TS]

  it and you just like you just soften the [TS]

  gum in their pockets but you think that [TS]

  really works it really does you know [TS]

  people because people want to jump on [TS]

  people want to jump on a bully train if [TS]

  they feel really safe you know where [TS]

  they want to they want to start calling [TS]

  them on that mob mentality [TS]

  yeah they want to call the fat kid a fat [TS]

  kid if they know that you know but they [TS]

  don't want to better what everybody else [TS]

  in the room to go away and suddenly it's [TS]

  just them and the kids especially [TS]

  heinous wing chun or if you can [TS]

  breakdance there's a lot of reasons you [TS]

  don't want to get caught on the wrong [TS]

  side of that [TS]

  so but that's what I mean like they were [TS]

  they were always looking for and I was [TS]

  just as bad on the other side looking [TS]

  for openings to get some kind of like [TS]

  stephen john mean because if you get one [TS]

  of those and lights up you know [TS]

  oh you've got you've got the person by [TS]

  the sack stories stories will be told [TS]

  handed down years from now when you're [TS]

  at the wedding and those people are [TS]

  really incredibly unhappy and insecure [TS]

  you will be able to take credit for [TS]

  having steamy John that person that's [TS]

  right that's a good name stephen john [TS]

  but now you're happy about baths [TS]

  youryour I your immune you're like [TS]

  you're like rust you you are intangible [TS]

  well here's the problem with Bad's you [TS]

  have to you have to really man up and [TS]

  own your baths [TS]

  there are still plenty of adult man i [TS]

  know that would never admit to taking a [TS]

  bath that's just sad [TS]

  it happens all the time i went to this [TS]

  guys house five-million-dollar house on [TS]

  the shores of Lake Sammamish not very [TS]

  long ago went to his house and he showed [TS]

  me around the place and it's one of [TS]

  these like he's a millionaire software [TS]

  designer and he's got a he's got a [TS]

  20-room house and all he has on the [TS]

  walls are like lamborghini posters with [TS]

  a bikini girl you know it's there just [TS]

  tacked up with with that blue thumbtack [TS]

  paster poster contest we get upstairs [TS]

  and he showed me through the master [TS]

  suite and we get into his bathroom and [TS]

  he's got a he's kind of massive jacuzzi [TS]

  endure sex bath that's like built for [TS]

  five people built for you [TS]

  the soft bit you the overweight software [TS]

  guy and for Russian escorts and i'm [TS]

  looking at this thing it just covetously [TS]

  but he's got laundry hanging all over it [TS]

  and I'm looking around the bathroom and [TS]

  it shows all the sides of never having [TS]

  been used as anything other than like [TS]

  a place to put laundry and I was like [TS]

  when was the last time you use the [TS]

  bathtub and he said oh I've never used [TS]

  it and I said why did you you had this [TS]

  house built this is a custom house is [TS]

  like oh yeah I mean you gotta put it [TS]

  about that like that in case you ever [TS]

  want to sell it but I mean I'm not gonna [TS]

  take a bath whatever bye [TS]

  yeah what am i some girl was just like [TS]

  made that no my version that would be [TS]

  like if he came to my fancy house and I [TS]

  didn't have a way to get into the garage [TS]

  or something and he said well how'd you [TS]

  get in your car like I've never used the [TS]

  garage [TS]

  I've never opened it right and and right [TS]

  because I mean for him like for me the [TS]

  idea of having a house with an [TS]

  incredibly luxurious bath tub i would [TS]

  take four baths today I would make I [TS]

  would cancel things to take fucking [TS]

  baths [TS]

  have you ever been in a bathroom where [TS]

  there was a television mounted to the [TS]

  wall and i don't think so i have don't [TS]

  know if I'd like that I had this [TS]

  experience that very long ago down in [TS]

  California I was set over at somebody's [TS]

  house and they were like oh you want to [TS]

  take a bath I know you like Bad's I was [TS]

  like if there's one thing that I want to [TS]

  be my ambassador in the world it is that [TS]

  people know that I like Bad's i want [TS]

  that i want you know I want that on [TS]

  valencia that's your Sentinel like that [TS]

  precedes you that just ahead let [TS]

  everybody know that should be like in in [TS]

  John's existential rider right listen [TS]

  Rodricks coming over I just word to the [TS]

  wise he really likes baths okay good [TS]

  good are we good [TS]

  when the guy in the black suit like [TS]

  splits and the and then I show up [TS]

  hey there like I know you like bad as we [TS]

  got a really nice bathtub do you want to [TS]

  take a bath later and I was like yes I [TS]

  do and it's a bath with a waterfall [TS]

  I mean completely wasteful just terrible [TS]

  disgusting thing wonderful in every [TS]

  respect and there was a TV mounted on [TS]

  the wall and I turned it on and I had [TS]

  never had this experience before when I [TS]

  was in the bathtub and I was watching a [TS]

  movie [TS]

  and I was like whoa I didn't think I [TS]

  would like this but i really like it i [TS]

  wanted i I never want to see a movie [TS]

  when I brought in the bath and then [TS]

  attempt to get you a little uneasy at [TS]

  first I thought I would be a little bit [TS]

  uneasy it just seems a little on the [TS]

  nose to watch your TV and yeah it was [TS]

  really uneasy i was super uneasy and I [TS]

  was like you know what if i turn the TV [TS]

  on and all that's on it is porn like I i [TS]

  checked into a hotel in Miami not very [TS]

  long ago and it was a Jesus it was a [TS]

  hotel this is the last time I ever used [TS]

  yelp yelp the hotel close to the Miami [TS]

  Airport and this place had like all [TS]

  these great yelp reviews really [TS]

  hilarious is it's like an old-style [TS]

  motel [TS]

  it's great it's really cute looking like [TS]

  a ironic vintage hipster it's ironic [TS]

  vintage hipster motel with neon pink [TS]

  flamingos close to the airport you're [TS]

  going to love it it's called the [TS]

  paradise in or something like that I was [TS]

  like okay great that's perfect it's [TS]

  cheap and it's by the airport and I show [TS]

  up in the first first sign was that the [TS]

  desk clerk was behind bulletproof glass [TS]

  and then I walk into vintage clothes [TS]

  vintage bulletproof glass hit the key [TS]

  gives me as an actual key on one of [TS]

  those holiday Yankee yeah like on an [TS]

  oblong plastic key thing that says that [TS]

  says paradise you know paradise in room [TS]

  number for now this if you find it [TS]

  yeah male if you find it right pick [TS]

  postage paid and then I i opened the [TS]

  door to my room and the carpet is so [TS]

  worn that it's like you can it's like it [TS]

  has the traffic has worn a path from the [TS]

  door to the bathroom and like this isn't [TS]

  ironic [TS]

  this is a real old hooker hotel and I [TS]

  sit down on the bed and the mattress is [TS]

  wrapped in plastic and so it crinkles [TS]

  like I'm sitting on a Christmas present [TS]

  and I'm like okay this is not funny [TS]

  anymore i've stayed in plenty of these [TS]

  this isn't cute [TS]

  this is not what who who wrote these [TS]

  yelp reviews are there people that [TS]

  really think that this is like hilarious [TS]

  because this is fucking terrible this is [TS]

  giving me bad memories and I reach over [TS]

  and I'm just I'm trying to think of what [TS]

  to do [TS]

  I only had a few hours i need some sleep [TS]

  i turn on the TV and it's looping porn [TS]

  you just started on it's there it's just [TS]

  right there [TS]

  looping porn on every channel and it's [TS]

  not like a porn movie it's just loops [TS]

  like nothing like a demo [TS]

  oh yeah two-minute loops of like the [TS]

  good the corner of a good part [TS]

  oh and then it switches to the next [TS]

  basically a high-traffic masturbation [TS]

  room or no I mean this is a full-on this [TS]

  is a full-on hooker hotel is they say no [TS]

  tell motel [TS]

  yeah this is this is rooms by the hour [TS]

  oh and i'm here by the I'm here by the [TS]

  airport and I like look at the pillow [TS]

  and I just imagine what this poor pillow [TS]

  has been through in its short life the [TS]

  pillow the pillow is probably let's say [TS]

  five years old and it has been scrunched [TS]

  and used as a bolster and used in so [TS]

  many horrible ways using so many aging [TS]

  actresses and horses spent so many [TS]

  things I'm like where do i I don't want [TS]

  to touch anything i want to lay down and [TS]

  wouldn't put that plastic gun unless it [TS]

  was convenient for them real word yo [TS]

  absolutely the path of plastic is to [TS]

  preserve what you love it hotel 23 times [TS]

  a day i'm guessing that it does not [TS]

  change that often and I'm in this [TS]

  situation where i've been i've been in [TS]

  many many many made situations where the [TS]

  this where this room would have been a [TS]

  godsend i would have thanked my lucky [TS]

  stars that I had or I could close and I [TS]

  would have gotten as much sleep as i [TS]

  could but i'm i'm in there i mean it's [TS]

  what again one of these moments where [TS]

  it's like I only have five hours to [TS]

  sleep i need desperately need those five [TS]

  hours of sleep but I am too wound up [TS]

  right now to just grab that pillow and [TS]

  snuggle up and snuggle up to 100,000 [TS]

  butts and and try to get that five hours [TS]

  and just and so i left i kept the key as [TS]

  a as a memento and reminder and I stuck [TS]

  it to the wall of my room when they got [TS]

  home [TS]

  paradise motel miami florida room for [TS]

  whatever thumbtacked to the wall and I [TS]

  was just like remember remember first of [TS]

  all never use yelp and second of all [TS]

  just remember like there but for the [TS]

  grace of god and i went out and i slept [TS]

  in my rental car [TS]

  are you kidding no I slept in the rental [TS]

  card because i was just like there are [TS]

  there are there are indignities in there [TS]

  and dignities but that I mean you know [TS]

  in a really really nice hotel i will [TS]

  throw the sex pillow on the floor [TS]

  because we all know where it's been [TS]

  but this room had no surface that was [TS]

  not a sex pillow like this don't it's [TS]

  not do this to me [TS]

  there was blood on the wall Oh God [TS]

  see I'm fine as long as they don't think [TS]

  about it and then as soon as I think [TS]

  about it it's game over again same way i [TS]

  would be scurrying out to the porn free [TS]

  car [TS]

  yeah I went to sleep I put the seat back [TS]

  in the bin the rental camaro and I was [TS]

  like you know the general but you slept [TS]

  better John worse places to sleep them [TS]

  at wright park right under the airport [TS]

  nobody's that fewer let's just say fewer [TS]

  people have come in the rental well was [TS]

  a new you know those rental cars are [TS]

  they they circulated I mean there's it [TS]

  only had a few thousand miles on how [TS]

  many people could have fucked internal [TS]

  carbon handful 50 tops there were a [TS]

  handful of people that had sex in that [TS]

  hotel room there's nobody who had made a [TS]

  calculated in that room ever [TS]

  yeah yeah [TS]

  the things you learn the things you [TS]

  learn you can I help thinking if I can [TS]

  ever go anywhere [TS]

  no oh you have to bring your own pillow [TS]

  have you started bringing your own [TS]

  pillow [TS]

  I hate being the bring your own pillow [TS]

  guy doesn't do that person like you know [TS]

  what if you are if you are a [TS]

  nineteen-year-old girl wearing ugg boots [TS]

  in Eugenie's when you go on the plane [TS]

  that's fine have fun but like when you [TS]

  see a grown man carrying a pillow around [TS]

  I mean now that seriously now that's a [TS]

  steam and John type situation it's [TS]

  terrible to let you know so this is a [TS]

  bit here right here this is another [TS]

  economic opportunity for us and speaking [TS]

  of which uh I was being forced to watch [TS]

  the star trek reboot the other day [TS]

  because by my lady friend wanted to [TS]

  watch the new star trek I'll you already [TS]

  saw the first one she was like you can't [TS]

  see the new Star Trek until you see the [TS]

  first one was like no i don't what I I [TS]

  you know I didn't know about and she's [TS]

  like no you gotta watch it so she rented [TS]

  it from redbox put it in my DVD player [TS]

  my yamaha DVD player that is like you [TS]

  know bill with Soviet technology suite [TS]

  is that digital it's it's it's it's a [TS]

  half digital's bridget is pretty and i'm [TS]

  watching at the star trek enterprise [TS]

  comes up on the screen and for the first [TS]

  time in my entire life [TS]

  the USS Enterprise we remember when my [TS]

  dad and I took a skiff around the USS [TS]

  Enterprise docked at Pearl Harbor and we [TS]

  were headed out to the USS Arizona and [TS]

  we and the boat like the enterprise was [TS]

  there we went around the enterprise [TS]

  which at the time was the largest [TS]

  aircraft carrier in the world and the [TS]

  impact that carrier may not be and you [TS]

  know we're going out to the Arizona my [TS]

  dad is like throwing her flowers on the [TS]

  memorial or whatever [TS]

  and my whole life the USS Enterprise [TS]

  enterprise enterprise the star trek [TS]

  enterprise the the the carrier [TS]

  Enterprise the world war two enterprise [TS]

  like it only just watching this movie [TS]

  dog me what a curious name that is for a [TS]

  u.s. warship is a comment that the the [TS]

  business [TS]

  yeah it's like yeah it's like calling it [TS]

  the capitalism the US Capitol has never [TS]

  occurred to me until now [TS]

  yeah but that it's a name that rings out [TS]

  in my imagination is just like it's [TS]

  called the enterprise the flight deck is [TS]

  1100 feet long [TS]

  it's a bigger pressure like this anymore [TS]

  though it just got the Commission 2012 [TS]

  that's right whoa John that is this week [TS]

  we're dealing with it again museum or [TS]

  something [TS]

  it's up know it's a period its [TS]

  appearance at bremerton it's in [TS]

  mothballs that's the ability to make an [TS]

  offer to go up to bremerton there [TS]

  there's like seven aircraft carriers [TS]

  lined up just like just like cars you [TS]

  know in a Walmart parking lot [TS]

  it's pretty extraordinary i would love [TS]

  to see that little better how it feels [TS]

  amazing really York off button 451 [TS]

  million dollars is that in 1957 know it [TS]

  started thinking sixty dollars so is the [TS]

  first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier [TS]

  is that right well wasn't surprised [TS]

  there's a lot of enterprise there [TS]

  yeah moment so what I'm saying is here [TS]

  is a business opportunity for us to make [TS]

  a pillow a genuine pillow that that [TS]

  doesn't feel like a doesn't feel like [TS]

  it's full of beans doesn't feel like [TS]

  some neck pillow you by the airport but [TS]

  a pillow that you would that you could [TS]

  call your own but that is collapsible [TS]

  and fits inside your carry-on bag so [TS]

  that you don't look like a signal a [TS]

  walking around [TS]

  with his book is will be like how do you [TS]

  create the pillow experience the full so [TS]

  it's simple the simple way to do this [TS]

  would be to be 1a by one of the things [TS]

  from the infomercials that's a bag and [TS]

  use a vacuum to suck the air out the [TS]

  problem is that only works one way [TS]

  that's not gonna help you coming home [TS]

  right you don't want to carry the back [TS]

  to the whole know you have to put that [TS]

  in a vacuum back to and it gets back [TS]

  he's all the way that that's practice um [TS]

  yeah what is it what is that tack total [TS]

  experience of a great pillow just add X [TS]

  and i guess x is air so either way to [TS]

  compress all the stuff out of it [TS]

  maybe I don't know I excited like a firm [TS]

  pillow [TS]

  Yeah Yeah right me too but see now firm [TS]

  pillow is not like an inflatable things [TS]

  like it shouldn't be hard [TS]

  it should be my firm is a difference but [TS]

  if you suck all the air out of a foam [TS]

  pillow suck it all down until it's totes [TS]

  the capsule size i got an easier way the [TS]

  easier way would be to standardize [TS]

  something I've created for a long time [TS]

  is to standardize through some kind of a [TS]

  two or perhaps 3-axis grid standardized [TS]

  pillows and then have them in sizes [TS]

  because it's it you know the thing is I [TS]

  it's very difficult for me is I don't [TS]

  know what pillow to get and so I'm about [TS]

  143 on pillows i go to the story by [TS]

  pillow i'm not happy with what I brought [TS]

  back and don't even know what to ask for [TS]

  and this is the thread coat problem [TS]

  where it's like 500 thread count means [TS]

  nothing because it's always you know [TS]

  that that is this just people are just [TS]

  scoundrels and Liars about those things [TS]

  now but I mean there should be a way to [TS]

  describe like when you say firm like [TS]

  what the fuck does that mean like like [TS]

  do you want it how much do you want to [TS]

  give how much do you want to stay down [TS]

  when you've been on it for a minute but [TS]

  you like it spongey right [TS]

  do you like it feathery where that kind [TS]

  of firmware like it's not going to yield [TS]

  that after a certain point [TS]

  see I think what we do though is with [TS]

  all these ages of 3d printers in elon [TS]

  musk should be a way to send your order [TS]

  to the hotel and built their purpose [TS]

  pillow could be brought into your room [TS]

  in a sanitary bag for you but what about [TS]

  right downstairs under the stairs [TS]

  vending machine you put your money in [TS]

  you choose the parameters and it and it [TS]

  spits out it 3d Prince you a pillow just [TS]

  your specifications [TS]

  I just gotta keep putting the vagina on [TS]

  it [TS]

  I don't see why not I why would leave [TS]

  money on the table could be shaped like [TS]

  an L or it could be something you could [TS]

  have a little bit of the gentlemanly [TS]

  enterprise intercourse with but then you [TS]

  throw it away John it's like a newspaper [TS]

  i like it i went too far didn't I don't [TS]

  you know in my whole life I have never [TS]

  fucked a pillow [TS]

  yeah it doesn't it's not a thing I've [TS]

  tried I've tried to fuck pretty much [TS]

  everything I don't look at a pillow and [TS]

  think like a that's not much of a bar [TS]

  Jon there's so many things today that I [TS]

  I've already forgotten how many things [TS]

  I've tried to fuck in the past [TS]

  yeah I mean maybe it's that I see [TS]

  pillows as like kind of Watchers oh yeah [TS]

  yeah I wasn't like rather than like [TS]

  lovers never traveling again John but I [TS]

  am I him traveling I'm a traveler Berlin [TS]

  I don't know we're stopping a team [TS]

  should we just stop there [TS]

  that's that it'll be the first time that [TS]

  there's not a laugh in all the years [TS]

  that's perfect long long dramatic pause [TS]

  perfect and i'll make it good i'll add [TS]

  some coffee and stuff yeah so disgusting [TS]

  so disgusting once you start thinking [TS]

  about it and so gross it's so close to [TS]

  think about your getting into a bed that [TS]

  hundreds of people have selected who [TS]

  didn't know each other hundreds of [TS]

  people who did not shower before they [TS]

  got into that bed they get in there and [TS]

  they roll their cock around in that bed [TS]

  for like until they fell asleep and then [TS]

  they will cover the project again in a [TS]

  hotel like that it's all disgusting [TS]

  people people who read Yelp and there it [TS]

  is perfect [TS]