Roderick on the Line

Ep. 94: "Backburners to Infinity"


  hello a John hi Merlin is going pretty [TS]

  good pretty good pretty good little bit [TS]

  sick it's a little early on come on [TS]

  I thought we were over this you know I [TS]

  thought so too but i but I you know I [TS]

  went to the oregon coast i was walking [TS]

  on the beach in the winter in the night [TS]

  and the sick mites got me [TS]

  it blew up my nose flute the flu seems [TS]

  that it's not absolutely that's right [TS]

  but it's not so bad I feel like that but [TS]

  feel like a kind of threw the worst then [TS]

  he sounded pretty good considering [TS]

  yeah i woke up it i went to bed at like [TS]

  I like four o'clock in the morning and I [TS]

  said which is you know which is not [TS]

  doing too good but but a but i but I [TS]

  felt I felt confident it's a new year [TS]

  this this is this four o'clock in the [TS]

  morning thing is not going to be the [TS]

  regular pattern and I was like listen [TS]

  I'm going to sleep 211 and that is going [TS]

  to be seven hours of sleep and that is [TS]

  fine that's a good that's that's how i'm [TS]

  going to run tomorrow and then i woke up [TS]

  at seven forty-five in the morning just [TS]

  just woke right up bolt upright [TS]

  yeah and I was like I walk right up and [TS]

  I was and I was humming a song by whole [TS]

  day it's were little good and I was like [TS]

  ah I hate you forever for mentioning [TS]

  that is not in my head to try to go back [TS]

  to sleep and I made my bed a lion I [TS]

  admit I made my breasts so gross but you [TS]

  know busy day busy i got a lot of stuff [TS]

  going on doing what he's so busy with [TS]

  their people are barely back at work and [TS]

  you're out there is this is part of the [TS]

  new political regime is this your new [TS]

  media the three-point career what's [TS]

  going on [TS]

  that's my media three-point on queries i [TS]

  decided i decided that the the last week [TS]

  of last year that i was going to hire [TS]

  somebody [TS]

  oh you ready for this [TS]

  I can't wait to hear so many things you [TS]

  could use help with i decided that i [TS]

  needed help and that front for so long [TS]

  I've been waiting for help to arrive and [TS]

  help you know help would come around [TS]

  help would come and help would be [TS]

  outside the fence and it would be kind [TS]

  of looking over the fence and I be [TS]

  inside the fence looking koi like a kind [TS]

  of Mary Poppins like you said you needed [TS]

  it like something which show up with an [TS]

  umbrella and will be just what you need [TS]

  it [TS]

  exactly except Mary Poppins never came [TS]

  through the fence and I think I've some [TS]

  of it was I never invited her in some of [TS]

  it was that it you know I i pulled I [TS]

  pulled up the paving-stones who from the [TS]

  gate to the porch it because i was going [TS]

  to redo it and then I then I didn't [TS]

  really do it and then it just became [TS]

  muddy bog i sent a message [TS]

  yeah it does it does i have black people [TS]

  come over and say would you put down [TS]

  some bricks or or paving stones or [TS]

  something it's just like you you're the [TS]

  path from your gate to your house is [TS]

  like is like a trip through the Mekong [TS]

  Delta maybe you should start by having [TS]

  Mary Poppins a stonemason somebody I [TS]

  could start and could really just do you [TS]

  know step 0 next time that is step serve [TS]

  somebody shows up at my house and build [TS]

  their own path to my door [TS]

  that's not my experience any kind of [TS]

  professional help is a little bit like a [TS]

  vampire [TS]

  I mean it'll it'll be there but you have [TS]

  to invite it in the only way you can let [TS]

  the vampire aim is to say please come [TS]

  into the house [TS]

  exactly so so at the end of last year I [TS]

  was like you know what I keep I inv the [TS]

  people I know who have helped I I have [TS]

  all these things that are on back [TS]

  burners I mean this my stove has so many [TS]

  back burners its back burners to [TS]

  infinity and the front burners are just [TS]

  like there's a there's that teapot that [TS]

  i hardly ever use only when guests are [TS]

  over and then the other panels got bacon [TS]

  grease and I think this is common for a [TS]

  lot of people don't wanna get some [TS]

  common John I think a lot of people i [TS]

  know including me suffer from this and [TS]

  people who are trying to accomplish [TS]

  virtually any [TS]

  thing and especially virtually anything [TS]

  on their own quote unquote running these [TS]

  things were like yeah that can wait and [TS]

  right you know where it's absolutely [TS]

  true and and I know about myself that [TS]

  the thing that troubles me a each and [TS]

  every time is not the is not the show I [TS]

  don't have any in him I don't have any [TS]

  apprehension about getting up onstage [TS]

  and putting on a show [TS]

  the thing that inhibits me is the making [TS]

  of the phone call to the guy who's [TS]

  running the lights I don't care I don't [TS]

  want to make the phone call I don't want [TS]

  to talk to the guy that's running the [TS]

  lights and the and that is the phone [TS]

  call that it stands in between me and [TS]

  putting on the show and so the show [TS]

  doesn't get get put on because i don't [TS]

  want to call the guy that's doing the [TS]

  lights and talk to him for five minutes [TS]

  about the stupid light show that is [TS]

  that's the difference between a good [TS]

  showing up in and for me it also then [TS]

  becomes the dread of taking on new [TS]

  enterprises that will require an [TS]

  inevitable waiting for a call from the [TS]

  light guy that's right you think okay do [TS]

  I really want 10 more of these and so [TS]

  the dread is compounded by the fact that [TS]

  everybody I know that has a manager [TS]

  spends twice as much time as they used [TS]

  to spend managing themselves complaining [TS]

  about the poor job that the managers to [TS]

  and everybody I know that has an [TS]

  assistance spends half of the time that [TS]

  spends twice twice the time cleaning up [TS]

  after their assistant but there are a [TS]

  few there are a few examples of people [TS]

  that have incredibly collaborative [TS]

  relationships with the somebody that [TS]

  helps them and the person that helps [TS]

  them is not also trying to be a [TS]

  songwriter or whatever the person that [TS]

  helps them is not also trying to manage [TS]

  michael buble you know there's somebody [TS]

  there is this person in the middle [TS]

  who's like the same scale as me the same [TS]

  realm as me [TS]

  we speak the same language but they are [TS]

  on the side that is like oh called a [TS]

  lighting guy you're kidding [TS]

  done boom and where they got the mind [TS]

  for that kind of thing not mine mine for [TS]

  it they got the mind fourth day they [TS]

  love to do it [TS]

  my sister if you if you have if you have [TS]

  a complaint with a with a with a [TS]

  customer service agent my sister will [TS]

  shoulder you out of the way to make the [TS]

  call for you because she loves dealing [TS]

  with customer service agents it's a dead [TS]

  end and if my sister and I got along [TS]

  better [TS]

  she would be a great manager for you I [TS]

  wouldn't be rejected out of hand maybe [TS]

  you need somebody you don't get along [TS]

  with but he'll understand the problem [TS]

  domain [TS]

  well and this is the big ten years ago [TS]

  if I had it all to do over again invited [TS]

  all to do over again I what about apple [TS]

  stock but if I had it all to do over [TS]

  again I would have invited my sister to [TS]

  be my manager 20 years ago and maybe we [TS]

  would be in a different place now [TS]

  because she mean it that way if that was [TS]

  actually her job she would have woken me [TS]

  up the next day and been like what the [TS]

  fuck you doing [TS]

  he's sleeping he's sleeping for a little [TS]

  while what am I supposed to man i'm [TS]

  supposed to manage you sleeping [TS]

  get up you know and we would have been [TS]

  on it that we would have been so we'd be [TS]

  somewhere else now anyway so today I'm [TS]

  having a meeting with some people who [TS]

  are going to help me find some other [TS]

  people who are going to help me aahh [TS]

  this is exciting because i think you [TS]

  you're doing something smart i was going [TS]

  to offer you advice but you're way ahead [TS]

  of me i think one way a lot of these [TS]

  things go wrong and I think you [TS]

  we've talked about this you know this [TS]

  one thing that goes wrong sometimes is [TS]

  hiring is being too abrupt about hiring [TS]

  a person who is either cheap familiar a [TS]

  fan of something but making some kind of [TS]

  a rookie mistake about bringing somebody [TS]

  in and that's what leads you into having [TS]

  to like manage a person it you know if [TS]

  you went out to hire a plumber you [TS]

  wouldn't care if they're familiar with [TS]

  your work you would get somebody who's [TS]

  just really good at the loop [TS]

  right and and so in this case you have [TS]

  you have a blue ribbon panel is going to [TS]

  help you exact find the right person [TS]

  looking if I could ask if you can say if [TS]

  you know and can say are you looking for [TS]

  more of a manager or more of an [TS]

  assistant [TS]

  well here's the thing so as I was as I [TS]

  was conceiving of this person I'm like [TS]

  what do i want i want someone who is [TS]

  half the time an assistant and who does [TS]

  not balk at assistant work and yet [TS]

  aspires to grow with me into a position [TS]

  where they are doing managerial work and [TS]

  I know for a fact that the thing that [TS]

  inhibits me most about doing anything is [TS]

  that is the dread I feel about the [TS]

  process of finding a person not [TS]

  miserable [TS]

  I don't want to think about it so I [TS]

  called a friend that I knew was too busy [TS]

  to help me and I said hello friend that [TS]

  too busy to help me and yet is an office [TS]

  manager for a non-profit right so has [TS]

  the skills and i said hello friend [TS]

  I know you're too busy to do this work [TS]

  will you help me find somebody to help [TS]

  me do this work [TS]

  and this was like the type of thing that [TS]

  she excels at tune and so she is now [TS]

  embarking on a project of interviewing [TS]

  people on my behalf so that she can find [TS]

  three candidates that then I can talk to [TS]

  and pick pick up one of while right and [TS]

  so what I'm looking for and this is the [TS]

  thing i have and the other thing I'm [TS]

  grappling with is now i have to be [TS]

  prepared to pay this person for the work [TS]

  that they do I have to be able to pay i [TS]

  have to be well it's not an ability to [TS]

  pay i have to be willing to pay them [TS]

  like a and I have to discover them the [TS]

  way that I'm going to pay them and the [TS]

  amount that i'm going to pay them right [TS]

  there is co measure it with the work and [TS]

  it's all very it's all very new and [TS]

  exciting and then the working conditions [TS]

  would be working conditions such a [TS]

  fantastic that's true there's such a [TS]

  thing as a pay they get to talk to me [TS]

  and hear my ideas in the full freshness [TS]

  wow moment they are conceived that's a [TS]

  benefit [TS]

  I knew a guy and I I can't decide if [TS]

  this is super douchey kind of smart or [TS]

  something else but he embarked on this [TS]

  particular kind of experiment as well [TS]

  and for the first I remembering this [TS]

  correctly I think what he did was hired [TS]

  in your case went out and hired all [TS]

  three from month and then discovered [TS]

  fairly clearly them against each other [TS]

  maybe the five shirtless and effective [TS]

  through a knife on the floor and said [TS]

  one of you is going to be my brand of [TS]

  you get the pool cue now but i mean i-i [TS]

  me according to know [TS]

  according to know for most douchebags [TS]

  everything works according to them but [TS]

  in this case of the things you'd expect [TS]

  but um but you know that's kind of [TS]

  person has a system let's be honest you [TS]

  but if you were to hire several people [TS]

  you would also learn fast you would [TS]

  learn fast how to deal with people and [TS]

  just give up the fact that for a month [TS]

  and a half you're just gonna be a [TS]

  manager that's going to get you to be [TS]

  annoyed you'll discover whether you can [TS]

  deal with this situation but [TS]

  bet you will discover within a week and [TS]

  a half at the outside which one of these [TS]

  people is most likely work out for you [TS]

  and then consequently whether you can [TS]

  afford them because they're that good [TS]

  you know saying you could offer to give [TS]

  somebody an e3 people eat un dollars [TS]

  freedom for two weeks right unless [TS]

  they're looking for some kind of bigger [TS]

  commitment but I mean you might learn a [TS]

  lot by doing that I mean the problem is [TS]

  it takes takes so you know I hate that [TS]

  were training people but it takes so [TS]

  long to acclimate somebody to the way [TS]

  that you work right and no one [TS]

  distinction this is really fast I'll but [TS]

  one distinction between an assistant [TS]

  manager and assistant is somebody who [TS]

  you pay to learn how to work for you and [TS]

  how to make and how to do the stuff that [TS]

  you need them to do but a great manager [TS]

  in some ways somebody tells you what you [TS]

  need to be dealing and then helps you to [TS]

  do it and the thing is i the the all the [TS]

  great managers that I have known are [TS]

  ones that came up with the band and they [TS]

  were the they were the fifth Beatle [TS]

  their dicks some of them are the worst [TS]

  ickle some of them are the fucking worse [TS]

  but there are a few of them who were [TS]

  just like the heat they were the the [TS]

  roommate of of the guitar player and [TS]

  they didn't play guitar but they were [TS]

  like i'll i'll make the t-shirts or [TS]

  whatever and and they learn the whole [TS]

  process as the band is learning the [TS]

  process and so they learn the band's [TS]

  process as the band is learning it and [TS]

  they become incredibly effective [TS]

  managers because they're members of the [TS]

  family [TS]

  absolutely because there they have a [TS]

  slightly different view port into it [TS]

  being you know these Ivy they're looking [TS]

  for where the money is going to come [TS]

  from if they're able to introduce course [TS]

  corrections sometimes painful course [TS]

  corrections but to introduce those [TS]

  before it becomes a problem right [TS]

  instead of realizing oh my gosh you know [TS]

  we're going to be able to finish this [TS]

  tour because we're not gonna have money [TS]

  based on these gigs that got cancelled [TS]

  they can find other gigs or they could [TS]

  say well here's here's harriers like [TS]

  three options for how to deal with this [TS]

  next I think this one is really good and [TS]

  I can help you do it and because they're [TS]

  not not sitting there being the dumb [TS]

  drummer god bless them like that that [TS]

  could be somebody whose heads in a [TS]

  slightly different area of the business [TS]

  well so right now i want to start doing [TS]

  a show [TS]

  Oh a week here in Seattle [TS]

  oh yeah the run of at the rendezvous [TS]

  small shall we [TS]

  and here's what I need I need somebody [TS]

  to call the rendezvous and suggest this [TS]

  idea to them thats it thats good test [TS]

  that's the first one right and that is a [TS]

  job that is not exactly an assistant job [TS]

  because you have to call the place with [TS]

  a certain amount of proprietary [TS]

  arrogance like you have to be able to [TS]

  cut you don't call a place like the [TS]

  rendezvous which is there like a shitty [TS]

  little tiny dive bar and beg them for a [TS]

  spot you have to call and say renowned [TS]

  international artists of stage and then [TS]

  pod John Roderick wants to do a show [TS]

  here once a week i'm not saying that you [TS]

  guys should be grateful but that might [TS]

  be a place to start little gratitude [TS]

  that i'm calling you today [TS]

  you know like you need to you need to [TS]

  set the you need to set the relationship [TS]

  up in that the tone in the first phone [TS]

  call but i also need this person after [TS]

  they've and i'm presuming that the [TS]

  rendezvous is going to be thrilled about [TS]

  this and they're gonna they're gonna [TS]

  agree that they coming coming right in [TS]

  the book like everyone else i don't know [TS]

  i think the book is gone my big its [TS]

  online now [TS]

  mm it's all about Peters no but then I [TS]

  need somebody to actually sit at the [TS]

  door and take the five dollars from [TS]

  every person and I New York the arch [TS]

  table but work the merch table get the [TS]

  get the names down in a in a book that [TS]

  is and and run the ticket sales for the [TS]

  next show [TS]

  so the that's it say it is a [TS]

  constellation of skill sets right [TS]

  there's the there's the merch table set [TS]

  which is one thing and there's the you [TS]

  know it's all in the family right so I'm [TS]

  looking for somebody and I'm and and two [TS]

  if i find this person if i find this [TS]

  right person I feel like I have so much [TS]

  stuff on the back burners [TS]

  that in the next six months i could say [TS]

  okay now what about this now i can you [TS]

  handle this now what about this can you [TS]

  get this going and you're gonna have a [TS]

  person could take all that on and it [TS]

  would not need to be overwhelming for [TS]

  them right and I feel like I feel like [TS]

  they could double my income in a year [TS]

  just because because that because of all [TS]

  the money i leave lying around you it's [TS]

  just like Oh would you help me do this [TS]

  yes boom and so if they are able to [TS]

  double my income in a year i am like I [TS]

  would be into paying them a percentage [TS]

  of what I make I mean I would be ready [TS]

  to start treating them like a manager [TS]

  right away because i think the i think [TS]

  the the fruits would be right there it [TS]

  would be the platter of fruit in pretty [TS]

  short order [TS]

  um but that said I've dealt with a lot [TS]

  of people and the the right person is [TS]

  like you say not maybe the person that [TS]

  knocks me out in the interview or maybe [TS]

  not the you know like that's a it's a [TS]

  job you evolve into a night and I really [TS]

  you know the problem with the this this [TS]

  interview with three people because i'm [TS]

  going to do i'm gonna be my dad when I [TS]

  walk into that interview i am going to [TS]

  instantly try and charm them you know [TS]

  that the interview is going to be i'm [TS]

  going to act as though it is an audition [TS]

  like a Hollywood audition of me I'm [TS]

  innocent man walking to be like hello [TS]

  nice to meet you swell sit down no [TS]

  please make yourself compliments like be [TS]

  performing a version of myself for these [TS]

  kids [TS]

  presumably kids made you know about my [TS]

  brother and my dad is a perfect example [TS]

  my mom was telling me about there's at [TS]

  least one 62-year old Chinese man that [TS]

  well that's the thing she said you're so [TS]

  awesome [TS]

  my mom said your father you're imagining [TS]

  22 year old girls with fingerless gloves [TS]

  so is sixty-something Chinese man how's [TS]

  everything with a green visor that I [TS]

  already called the round [TS]

  I've already got more coffee coming up [TS]

  Mia I know the guy my mom said your [TS]

  father had a had throughout her life a [TS]

  succession of secretaries that saved his [TS]

  life over and over and over again every [TS]

  penny he made he made because he had he [TS]

  always had a great secretary and she [TS]

  always made the phone calls and she [TS]

  always as he's rushing out the door [TS]

  throwing on his his trench coat in his [TS]

  hat they always you know stopped him at [TS]

  her desk and said David David I just [TS]

  need you to sign this one thing and he [TS]

  would go home we are made sign it and [TS]

  that piece of paper would be the thing [TS]

  that kept the lights on right and what [TS]

  when my dad was when he was in his [TS]

  seventies he had a secretary who was [TS]

  like oh what's your what's your [TS]

  retirement plan and my dad said uh-huh [TS]

  I don't know um well I've got an Audi i [TS]

  could probably sell that uh what else [TS]

  and she was like seriously you don't [TS]

  have a you know you have no retirement [TS]

  he was like uh-oh i'm gonna live forever [TS]

  and she in between her other work back [TS]

  in an era of like licking stamps [TS]

  envelopes she put together that his [TS]

  wartime service his time in the [TS]

  legislature his time working for the [TS]

  Alaska or the first for the federal [TS]

  government in Alaska his time working [TS]

  for the Democratic Party in Washington [TS]

  all this uh he was you know all all of [TS]

  his work [TS]

  so much of it was government work that [TS]

  it when you filled out all the forms it [TS]

  added up to a government pension as [TS]

  though he had worked for the federal [TS]

  government for 45 years and she did all [TS]

  this you know she wrote the Veterans [TS]

  Administration and asked for his records [TS]

  and it turned out that when he first [TS]

  enlisted in the Navy when he first [TS]

  enlisted in the naval ROTC they spelled [TS]

  his name one way and when he joined the [TS]

  maybe they spelled his name another way [TS]

  and so she had to find those two records [TS]

  and write the Department of the Navy and [TS]

  get them put together and wrote all [TS]

  these letters over the course of five [TS]

  years she's just always just constantly [TS]

  just sending letters to various [TS]

  government agencies and in the end she [TS]

  put together his retirement that [TS]

  absolutely he I mean had she had it not [TS]

  been for her [TS]

  my dad would have been living in a [TS]

  shopping cart i squared or he would have [TS]

  been living in his audi and as it was [TS]

  you know he retired and and and you know [TS]

  and of course he acted as though her [TS]

  government remember you know he like [TS]

  didn't he was great things that you're a [TS]

  menace amount of initiative synthesis [TS]

  and follow through [TS]

  yeah the initiative to like be aware [TS]

  what's out there synthesize that [TS]

  information and then follow through with [TS]

  a freaking government agency to make [TS]

  sure you get what you need out of it [TS]

  yeah and that work that work had to be [TS]

  personally gratifying to her in a way [TS]

  that people that love spreadsheets you [TS]

  know like get the act of tracking and [TS]

  researching it's you know it's a [TS]

  librarian mentality of like I'm going to [TS]

  find this and I know how to write the [TS]

  thing and I'm going to get it and then [TS]

  when i get it i'm going to put it with [TS]

  this other thing you know but also like [TS]

  a tremendous amount of love for him [TS]

  that she would have spent this time you [TS]

  know as well as she could have just been [TS]

  punching a clock on this job but she's [TS]

  doing this work that's gonna you know [TS]

  that that is that pays off for him after [TS]

  he's after they've parted ways like [TS]

  she's still alive I'm sure she's working [TS]

  somewhere maybe she's retired but she [TS]

  like did this work on behalf of my dad [TS]

  and according to my mom through his [TS]

  entire career [TS]

  the one thing he knew how to do was hire [TS]

  a secretary that would that that could [TS]

  run his business and his life and she's [TS]

  telling me this I'm like oh fuck it's [TS]

  the one thing I need to learn how to do [TS]

  right [TS]

  I don't need to learn how to call the [TS]

  rendezvous I need to learn how to hire a [TS]

  secretary [TS]

  how'd you come up with the test [TS]

  well I was just thinking I mean one idea [TS]

  is to have a fairly simple as simple to [TS]

  describe task that ends up having unseen [TS]

  complexities and then see how they [TS]

  handle and I'm thinking here [TS]

  higher higher zero number one you don't [TS]

  get Jason Finn to pretend to be somebody [TS]

  and then have them have to deal with him [TS]

  haha so you know there's a your dog [TS]

  here's the bird i need you to go and and [TS]

  get whatever it is it could be that you [TS]

  need new uniforms for the band and he is [TS]

  the quote unquote you know not for [TS]

  supply guy [TS]

  it could be that he runs the rendezvous [TS]

  it could be whatever it is but you can [TS]

  come up with some kind of a basic [TS]

  challenge where he would respond in [TS]

  certain inscrutable ways and then you [TS]

  see how they handle it [TS]

  mm and he could give you a frank you [TS]

  know recounting of how it went well that [TS]

  you know I that's a good idea and he [TS]

  would be he would definitely be a good [TS]

  you can you do that for a living it's [TS]

  interesting you know as you said that I [TS]

  pictured him suddenly with a with a tape [TS]

  measure around the neck of his shirt and [TS]

  a pair of glasses down the end of his [TS]

  nose and I realized that's what he [TS]

  actually is jason is actually a tailor [TS]

  he's like Taylor that's that that front [TS]

  of shop that is really like an OSS I [TS]

  like underground huh [TS]

  he's the tailor of panama you come in [TS]

  you pull back on one of the mannequins [TS]

  in a big door opens and there's like a [TS]

  cave full of weapons [TS]

  well but so but the but the tax that the [TS]

  the litmus test what I fear is that that [TS]

  I have to pass right attacked the test [TS]

  which is like I have a friend who has a [TS]

  very very very good relationship with [TS]

  his assistant who has now kind of [TS]

  transitioned into being his partner and [TS]

  when they first started working together [TS]

  it was very much in the seat that the [TS]

  assistant was very much in an assistant [TS]

  role and when and during that time when [TS]

  the assistant was still young and [TS]

  precocious and wet behind the ears the [TS]

  assistant did a lot of things that I as [TS]

  a bystander was like this kid is a is a [TS]

  unit he's callo this guy's a dingaling [TS]

  he's a dingaling and my friend was like [TS]

  yeah well he does these things for me so [TS]

  whatever and then I was you know but I i [TS]

  can never sky can never keep myself from [TS]

  giving an unsolicited opinion and so [TS]

  repeatedly I said to him in this [TS]

  assisted you got to get rid of this guy [TS]

  he's just he doesn't reflect well on [TS]

  because he's a daily then my friend was [TS]

  much more sanguine is like yeah well he [TS]

  gets the stuff done so what you know [TS]

  doesn't matter to me if I don't I don't [TS]

  care if people think he's a tingling and [TS]

  there was one particular instance where [TS]

  the assistant got drunk shit-faced drunk [TS]

  at an event [TS]

  and if it if it had been me I would have [TS]

  read this kid the riot act the next day [TS]

  I would have embarrassed him up and down [TS]

  what the hell you think you're doing [TS]

  getting drunk in a thing like that you [TS]

  know that looks you know I would have [TS]

  liked taking it as an opportunity to [TS]

  teach this kid a life lesson and it [TS]

  would have left a bad taste in [TS]

  everybody's mouth and it would have been [TS]

  paternalistic and I would have been [TS]

  completely justified in doing it but [TS]

  what ended up happening is the kid was [TS]

  in bear uh in in actual life this actual [TS]

  person was embarrassed he be realized on [TS]

  his own without being yelled at that he [TS]

  needed to get better and he became more [TS]

  professional pretty quickly as he grew [TS]

  into his job and now he is an eighth now [TS]

  he is an incredibly professional useful [TS]

  partner and part of that [TS]

  self-determination on his part and the [TS]

  self actualization of himself in that [TS]

  role self-awareness in humility was [TS]

  entirely due to the fact that no one [TS]

  ever yelled at him and no one ever [TS]

  lecture him about why the blah [TS]

  he discovered in himself and that's how [TS]

  he grew and became a man and i watch [TS]

  that happen in this relationship with my [TS]

  friend and realize that i would have [TS]

  inserted myself into that process right [TS]

  as a pedagogue over and over and I would [TS]

  have fucked it up [TS]

  I would have fucked the kid up i would [TS]

  have fucked the relationship up because [TS]

  I would have been trying to micromanage [TS]

  his transition into adulthood or not [TS]

  micromanage but like guide and Shepherd [TS]

  and [TS]

  mentor you you would have made it all [TS]

  about your own emotions instead of what [TS]

  that person actually needed in terms of [TS]

  personal development [TS]

  yeah right this kid got drunk at an [TS]

  event so what the next day he was [TS]

  embarrassed and he talked to some other [TS]

  people about it and they were like yeah [TS]

  you were pretty wasted and he was [TS]

  embarrassed and when he went and talked [TS]

  to his boss the guy who he works for [TS]

  black I didn't say anything about it he [TS]

  just was like well we get to go where we [TS]

  have to get done today and the kid made [TS]

  his own move and the you know and the [TS]

  boss was the boss character in this role [TS]

  was relieved not only of the of the duty [TS]

  of all the unhappiness and that is the [TS]

  interview that i don't know if i can [TS]

  pass route right how do i empower and [TS]

  assistance to make mistakes and not you [TS]

  know and not my in my own way freak out [TS]

  and lose it so your little what antsy [TS]

  about how my go today because you want [TS]

  to make sure you're up to the task to [TS]

  well yeah I mean so everything that's [TS]

  happened in the last six months since I [TS]

  stopped eating wheat since I went on all [TS]

  kale diet since I discovered Scientology [TS]

  since Jesus came into my life everything [TS]

  that's happened for the last six months [TS]

  I have been wondering I've been looking [TS]

  at myself and I've been saying is are [TS]

  you just in a manic phase you've been [TS]

  you've been on this train your whole [TS]

  life [TS]

  six months on six months off and when [TS]

  you are manic you sleep four hours a [TS]

  night and you every idea seems great [TS]

  and you go out in the yard and you plant [TS]

  tulips everywhere and then six months [TS]

  later and all turns to shit and you know [TS]

  and your yard is just this riot of fun [TS]

  pruned tulips and you're just in the [TS]

  bathtub like whistling Dixie [TS]

  how do I know that I'm not how do i know [TS]

  i'm not just setting up a bunch of manic [TS]

  like sand castles and I'm gonna get a [TS]

  hunky kept his assistant i'm going to [TS]

  get all this stuff going on and then I'm [TS]

  yeah and and in reality i'm just having [TS]

  an episode [TS]

  yeah well yeah I wasn't thinking about [TS]

  what it is that you really want to do [TS]

  your talking about you know it's almost [TS]

  like you don't see it being a parent but [TS]

  you're looking for an opportunity to get [TS]

  some help but also grow in some ways [TS]

  like you it in my own words what i would [TS]

  say is that you know I've realized that [TS]

  I'm not a good manager i would [TS]

  theoretically like to be a better [TS]

  manager but every time I've tried to do [TS]

  anything management-related I failed [TS]

  horribly because it's really boring it's [TS]

  not fun it's not what i like to do and I [TS]

  feel like it's a huge derail from [TS]

  everything I should be doing so I do [TS]

  nothing instead and then lifestyle back [TS]

  burners again but but you know to get [TS]

  the right person for this job you need [TS]

  somebody who's not just I mean in my [TS]

  tiny bit of experience with this my the [TS]

  the i could write almost every failure [TS]

  down to the fact that i just did not do [TS]

  a good job of training and communicating [TS]

  andrey communicating and retraining and [TS]

  and not correcting but like just showing [TS]

  like well more like this like that [TS]

  that'sthat's we know it's really simple [TS]

  right i mean I somebody if somebody [TS]

  working your restaurant and didn't know [TS]

  how to cook you and just yell at him all [TS]

  the time you would just let them make [TS]

  crap it's a not so much salt [TS]

  yeah more like this like the right and [TS]

  so it fits for what you're really trying [TS]

  to work towards which is somebody who's [TS]

  on the track to becoming a management or [TS]

  partner type person someday [TS]

  it requires really requires you to have [TS]

  a really so certain kind of personality [TS]

  but also to know what it is that you [TS]

  want because [TS]

  you find somebody who's super organized [TS]

  and really likes Excel spreadsheets [TS]

  they're gonna they're gonna get really [TS]

  frustrated if you're constantly changing [TS]

  the game or not answering the phone or [TS]

  so that's something that I like it is [TS]

  clear i need help but what I need the [TS]

  what I need most is that I am helping [TS]

  people but I and that is what I don't [TS]

  know can I beheld the project is really [TS]

  to make you help people can I hire [TS]

  somebody to learn to teach me to be [TS]

  helpful chance the win for everybody [TS]

  it would be if you became more i think [TS]

  about it not you at all of us if we all [TS]

  became or more helpful [TS]

  yeah well this is the thing about about [TS]

  your in my program we are trying to help [TS]

  people [TS]

  yes and we have seen over and over that [TS]

  some people are very helpful and some [TS]

  people are less helpful [TS]

  yeah and it's not going to deter us from [TS]

  helping the people who can and should be [TS]

  helped but really what we really want is [TS]

  to help the people that can't be helped [TS]

  oh I think that i think that's that's [TS]

  really that is deep in your DNA is to is [TS]

  to help us helpful it is I need to I i [TS]

  need somewhere inside me i need to help [TS]

  the people that cannot be held at jeans [TS]

  were done talking and hi I'm realizing i [TS]

  am one of those people [TS]

  I need to I need to learn to be helped [TS]

  the call is coming from inside the John [TS]

  that's really something [TS]

  cry me Pete so today is gets going to be [TS]

  very interesting is gonna be a big day [TS]

  I'm gonna go sit in a coffee shop my [TS]

  native environment and I'm gonna have [TS]

  people who know how to make phone calls [TS]

  and uh and turn on computers i'm going [TS]

  to have them tell me that there is a [TS]

  plan and then i'm going to try and [TS]

  figure out what i need to do what do I [TS]

  need to do and maybe the answer is [TS]

  nothing yet [TS]

  you know maybe what I do next is nothing [TS]

  yet because you're not ready you're not [TS]

  helping enough yet yeah what is [TS]

  happening now what's happening is that I [TS]

  am watching things unfold and things are [TS]

  going to you know like and yet i'm not [TS]

  i'm not waiting anymore you know like [TS]

  yeah I want this to happen i'm i'm gonna [TS]

  go forward posture well so I i am i'm [TS]

  not crazy about people who are really [TS]

  into Lake tricky interviews and tricky [TS]

  questions and you know kobayashi Marie [TS]

  situations all those Chinese finger trap [TS]

  shiny now if you got a 62 year old [TS]

  Chinese man but I don't want to be ping [TS]

  pong but you know what you could one [TS]

  thing you could say you don't be too [TS]

  cute but one thing you could say [TS]

  especially if you're interviewing one [TS]

  person at a time is to say hey look i'm [TS]

  new to this i'm not saying that to avoid [TS]

  criticism I'm saying that to ask for [TS]

  help [TS]

  what are you most worried about and if [TS]

  you if we if you took this job [TS]

  what do you think would be the biggest [TS]

  pain-in-the-ass and dealing with me and [TS]

  then how could you help me get better at [TS]

  that is how they respond could be kind [TS]

  of the instructive you see how honest [TS]

  they are you know it's always feel like [TS]

  what's your biggest although it's really [TS]

  that i'm so excited too generous [TS]

  everything that i really don't really [TS]

  want to pay attention to how many things [TS]

  I truly am quite outstanding at up fault [TS]

  i have to admit [TS]

  hmm i don't know i don't know but the [TS]

  problem is like it maybe the hire three [TS]

  people and get them to talk to Jason [TS]

  Finn the Panama Taylor maybe that's a [TS]

  good step stage two but you need to [TS]

  first find your own comfort level you do [TS]

  you need to be you need to you know and [TS]

  have a coffee shop in your mind and make [TS]

  sure that you're comfortable with who [TS]

  you're dealing with [TS]

  because you don't want to make it a [TS]

  thing you don't want this to turn out [TS]

  shitty and then you don't want to do it [TS]

  again and now you're back in your right [TS]

  of tulips [TS]

  right right right I that's not what I [TS]

  don't nobody wants that nobody benefits [TS]

  from that that's not growth i want to [TS]

  and and the thing is that part of my [TS]

  ambition is that you know this is this [TS]

  is one of these middle-aged problems [TS]

  when I wake up I wake up now and the [TS]

  first thought that comes into my head [TS]

  and how is not it's no longer like [TS]

  I'm gonna write a rock opera that's [TS]

  gonna make every woman in the world see [TS]

  how wrong she was first and noble that's [TS]

  Nick's first thought that popped into my [TS]

  head now is your goodbyes [TS]

  you're gonna be said you were mean to me [TS]

  that mean anything to you [TS]

  all women are going to be said that one [TS]

  woman was made to be no the first [TS]

  thought that pops into my head now is if [TS]

  I don't get these thoughts out of my [TS]

  head i will die and they will go to [TS]

  their go to my grave with me like no [TS]

  pressure [TS]

  yeah i have i have seen some shit i have [TS]

  seen attack ships on fire off the [TS]

  shoulder of Orion that's right and if [TS]

  and ears in the race ice cream hot want [TS]

  i do not want there's some of that stuff [TS]

  I don't want to have lost and that and [TS]

  you're saying something kind of [TS]

  important here you're saying that you're [TS]

  starting to actually take your work more [TS]

  seriously you're taking the quotation [TS]

  marks off of the art and you want to be [TS]

  a fucking gentleman about making some [TS]

  stuff but you can't do that as long as [TS]

  you got too many tulips on the back [TS]

  burner [TS]

  well this is the thing about being a [TS]

  maker of things i say you know i i'm i'm [TS]

  always engaged in this conversation with [TS]

  people inside the somebody asked me to [TS]

  write an article for Esquire the other [TS]

  day they are higher [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  they said they said it seems like the [TS]

  internet is getting worse [TS]

  you seem like just the kind of crank [TS]

  that would have an opinion about that [TS]

  would you write an article about how the [TS]

  Internet is getting worse [TS]

  oh boy I said remember wheelhouse you [TS]

  know what if there's anything we need we [TS]

  need more podcast about comics and more [TS]

  articles about what's wrong with the [TS]

  internet magazine articles on the on [TS] you take 1 i'll take the [TS]

  other haha so i'm writing this thing [TS]

  it's that you know I'm just I'm I'm some [TS]

  playing the singing saw again [TS]

  how do you know there was a talk about [TS]

  how the Internet is getting worse and [TS]

  now you know like talking about art is [TS]

  not making art and you know and I [TS]

  realized like you really considering [TS]

  writing an article for Esquire magazine [TS]

  related to the internet about how [TS]

  talking about art is not making art are [TS]

  you fucking kidding me [TS]

  not only not only am i considering it i [TS]

  have done it haha ok but I'll always [TS]

  look forward to the hat but i'm thinking [TS]

  i'm in civil union I'm like I'm here and [TS]

  here i am again what is it that I make [TS]

  like what do I make i watch these videos [TS]

  online all the time about get to get you [TS]

  know like you ego dr. Billy Duffy from [TS]

  the cult about his guitar rig and he's [TS]

  standing on a darkened stage with some [TS]

  guy up holding a microphone Adam and the [TS]

  guys like so tell us about your [TS]

  pedalboard Billy Duffy was like oh well [TS]

  oh that's I got a distortion box over [TS]

  here [TS]

  it kicks it with his foot minute delay [TS]

  pedal and you know Billy Duffy that's [TS]

  what Billy Duffy does he plays the [TS]

  guitar by what witnesses other cult [TS]

  I'm sorry him and you know be talking [TS]

  about that little make major scale [TS]

  descending things [TS]

  doesn't she still thinks oh yeah I could [TS]

  die now I know exactly camp and pedals [TS]

  Wow and this is one of the chorus [TS]

  that's right he uses it rolling they see [TS]

  that that's a signature self but you [TS]

  know what I could stand up there [TS]

  somebody pointed the camera me I could [TS]

  stand up there and tell you about my [TS]

  pedalboard and they would be and and I [TS]

  would happily do it but there are other [TS]

  things I want to tell people about to [TS]

  and how do i do it and does it is what i [TS]

  do is what I have to say next [TS]

  does it rise to the level of art or is [TS]

  it crash [TS]

  left or is it is it just like art [TS]

  buchwald love is it gene Shalit Larry [TS]

  King if it isn't Larry King like all of [TS]

  these guys I mean there are there are [TS]

  guys who have a who have made a made a [TS]

  life for themselves being sort of in [TS]

  this pundit class and nothing bae have [TS]

  done really will survive the test of [TS]

  time [TS]

  right i mean gene shallots writing about [TS]

  film is not going to survive 200 years [TS]

  but it was it was a valid life for a man [TS]

  you know it used his skills like there [TS]

  are all kinds of pundits and talkers and [TS]

  thinkers of their time of their moment [TS]

  whose work does not last but they were [TS]

  still important and valid in their era [TS]

  and guys like dave berry or exactly what [TS]

  i was thinking of Dave Barry right like [TS]

  will they read Avebury 200 years from [TS]

  now who knows like Shalom I like a lake [TS]

  him people read him now as a person [TS]

  yeah he's like the he was the the Jewish [TS]

  Mark Twain honey keep but-but-but-but [TS]

  bigger better like a not better but but [TS]

  he was he was the first guy to write [TS]

  colloquially in Yiddish in a bit but but [TS]

  treating it like it was literature [TS]

  literature and yet he he wrote fiddler [TS]

  on the roof but not the musical but like [TS]

  he wrote the story of teryan incredibly [TS]

  influential writer but also a vernacular [TS]

  writer like a like a a guy riding in his [TS]

  time of his time [TS]

  I'm not trying to he's not trying to be [TS]

  melville he was trying to just right for [TS]

  his people but his work rose to the [TS]

  level of you know it transcended its its [TS]

  humble craft dave barry pj o'rourke are [TS]

  these guys going to 200 years from now [TS]

  are people gonna be like Dave Barry was [TS]

  the 20th century writer that best [TS]

  captured the sound of the street and the [TS]

  and the thoughts of the of the average [TS]

  god maybe who knows nobody liked [TS]

  Melville and is in his time really you [TS]

  know nobody read moby-dick until after [TS]

  he was dead and i think the day he died [TS]

  if you had said Moby Dick is going to be [TS]

  required reading in in western legs [TS]

  still think I still think it's a prank [TS]

  nobody would believe that many years I [TS]

  just can't believe it [TS]

  have you read Billy Budd it is a prank I [TS]

  moby-dick my god haha i mean i guess if [TS]

  you see college called postmodern it [TS]

  makes it more interesting Mitchell at [TS]

  the plate let me understand something so [TS]

  let me get to the core of this it's [TS]

  partly that if I understand you're [TS]

  saying that you're the question that [TS]

  you're asking is you got people who are [TS]

  like whether you like them or not and [TS]

  indisputably primary creators of the [TS]

  primary culture so you know the Beatles [TS]

  wrote and recorded the songs though [TS]

  people listen to for a long time you [TS]

  know Mozart you know wrote this music [TS]

  James Joyce with these novels or [TS]

  whatever whatever your example that is [TS]

  now somebody who is a famous critic of [TS]

  games choice might do great work but [TS]

  will they be remembered as well as the [TS]

  personal upon his source material in the [TS]

  same way that something on Twitter [TS]

  cracking jokes about lost its not the [TS]

  same as the person who made lost right [TS]

  do people read secondary and tertiary [TS]

  secondary and tertiary levels where is [TS]

  it about SAS which is kind of it [TS]

  no a different thing everybody can put [TS]

  the name montagne but like that people [TS]

  actually reading him [TS]

  yeah but people are reading Pepe's [TS]

  Diaries yeah they put on Twitter [TS]

  so you've got to put it on Twitter yeah [TS]

  but this is the problem with when you're [TS]

  a young man when you're young artists [TS]

  you do not want to be anything less than [TS]

  one of the one of the great one of the [TS]

  great my primary primary creators though [TS]

  primary creator economical crisis that a [TS]

  silly distinction I think there's a [TS]

  difference I think like I hear you in my [TS]

  head anyway saying well writing about [TS]

  the internet for Esquire is that the [TS]

  same as writing shapes right performing [TS]

  shapes those are those are one of those [TS]

  is undeniably like a-a-a-a tempo love [TS]

  primary culture making another one is [TS]

  you know writing about stuff right but [TS]

  as I as I approached middle-aged mean [TS]

  one of the things i have reckoned with [TS]

  as a creative person is mi like does my [TS]

  work justify itself or I mean it [TS]

  mmm there are lots of Bam's and am I [TS]

  meant to do this or that [TS]

  am I meant to be a primary creator of [TS]

  like and and I and I believe I am but [TS]

  what is that next thing that I want to [TS]

  do I don't think it is writing essays [TS]

  for Esquire about the internet that is a [TS]

  thing that i am that i do because [TS]

  somebody sends me an email and I go and [TS]

  I stand I say and I don't have a manager [TS]

  so I go yeah sure [TS]

  alright that and you know [TS]

  well sure that that's you know that's [TS]

  like it pays pretty well yeah yeah there [TS]

  are three major magazines and have [TS]

  sometimes been pretty surprised by by [TS]

  which you pay for those things well and [TS]

  and and so so as we get as we got closer [TS]

  to january first you know I have this [TS]

  amount of money that I that I have this [TS]

  arbitrary amount of money as I decided a [TS]

  few years ago I had to make every year [TS]

  and as at identify and it's just it's [TS]

  completely arbitrary if I if I make it [TS]

  or don't it doesn't matter if I if I [TS]

  consistently don't make that much money [TS]

  for like five years i'm gonna be in [TS]

  trouble right but the amount the target [TS]

  is like a fairly imaginary and as I was [TS]

  as we were getting close to [TS]

  you out to New Year's I was like $2,000 [TS]

  short of its of this imaginary amount [TS]

  and I was like it's January 29 i'm not [TS]

  going to get it i'm not going to make my [TS]

  mom I'm not gonna make my target [TS]

  december twenty I'm sorry just December [TS]

  29 i'm not going to make it and it [TS]

  wasn't a big deal [TS]

  I that and I had a couple of people who [TS]

  were like oh I owe you that you know [TS]

  1,500 bucks i'll get that to you don't [TS]

  have fresh money you needed you need to [TS]

  get a little bit of fresh real primary [TS]

  money that's right and so I agreed to do [TS]

  this I agreed to write another thing for [TS]

  somebody i agree to United creates all [TS]

  these things at the end of the year and [TS]

  then january thirty first I got an email [TS]

  from my publishers who are like up [TS]

  settling up at the end of the year [TS]

  uh we forgot you know we are you 2,500 [TS]

  bucks or whatever [TS]

  boom and I was like hey Barbra trickery [TS]

  yeah I made the arbitrary amount but [TS]

  anyway back to the back to the other [TS]

  thing like yeah I cannot think about my [TS]

  place in the in the on the in the [TS]

  library right i just have to make the [TS]

  next thing and I have to make it with [TS]

  passion I have to make the thing that [TS]

  I'm here and I hope you I hope you [TS]

  believe that John because i think that [TS]

  would be very good advice for you to [TS]

  take [TS]

  yeah yeah I just don't anybody library [TS]

  library i'll take care of itself you [TS]

  make us and if you make enough stuff [TS]

  it'll show up in the library don't worry [TS]

  and and what happened the only time i [TS]

  spend worry about the library is when [TS]

  i'm not actually making stuff right if [TS]

  I'm Faulkner was a problem drinker when [TS]

  he wasn't writing at if you're making [TS]

  stuff you're nothing about where it goes [TS]

  you're just making it just you know you [TS]

  where it goes is just like get it out of [TS]

  in front of me so I can make the next [TS]

  thing [TS]

  so this is why you need to hire mr. Lee [TS]

  need to hire mr. Lee and he's gonna you [TS]

  know what he's going to sit next to me [TS]

  and every time I pull up pull a page out [TS]

  of the typewriter like James ce qu'elle [TS]

  etait what that credit sequence at the [TS]

  end you have to get cheers sitter boosts [TS]

  it who gets dog [TS]

  the guy with the little green visor is [TS]

  going to take the piece of paper and [TS]

  he's gonna split on the stack and he's [TS]

  gonna say I'm about the United I'm [TS]

  taking this somewhere or maybe you know [TS]

  whatever i could he could be lying to me [TS]

  he could be just burning them in the [TS]

  yard point is you're getting stuff done [TS]

  the point of the fuck is nothing now so [TS]

  the other day I in the in the pursuit of [TS]

  this new idea who which could maybe a [TS]

  manic episode the entire thing that John [TS]

  time and tide you say not even exist [TS]

  yes they are all be i may be sitting in [TS]

  her you're telling me that you may not [TS]

  actually have a podcast in which you [TS]

  discuss your feelings of unwell pneus [TS]

  about whether you're creating art by [TS]

  having written and syr piece about [TS]

  whether the M internet is getting worse [TS]

  yeah I could be the character and [TS]

  metallic was one look at you could be [TS]

  fine at that's taking up in a VA [TS]

  hospital imagining this whole life John [TS]

  Roderick got his gun but I so the other [TS]

  day I bought a macbook air [TS]

  alright we have so much to talk about [TS]

  and you've got to go hire somebody [TS]

  well sorry so you what did you get the [TS]

  extra ramp so I got the extra ram cake [TS]

  but what is amazing to me about this is [TS]

  that McIntosh and I don't think this is [TS]

  just something that's happening in me I [TS]

  thought this computer and something has [TS]

  happened Macintosh Apple has made this [TS]

  they have made this device which is a [TS]

  cultural device they have made a thing [TS]

  that made a box now for so long that [TS]

  that purports to do these things for us [TS]

  that is this [TS]

  magicbox ok and i have bought enough of [TS]

  these magic boxes over the years and [TS]

  have turned them on each time with it [TS]

  with it like Dewey and fizzles hope and [TS]

  expectations i am going to make up I'm [TS]

  gonna make a film of all of my photos [TS]

  and i'm going to put it into my calendar [TS]

  and I'm gonna stand me added added to my [TS]

  contacts writing that square it's it's [TS]

  and this is going to streamline my [TS]

  process and i'm just going to sit here [TS]

  it's like it's like the coffee maker or [TS]

  the automatic light this is going to be [TS]

  the thing that changes everything right [TS]

  that's not you too Liz gonna fix it all [TS]

  and what would it was amazing as i [TS]

  bought this macbook air and I came home [TS]

  and I I threw the box with the computer [TS]

  and it unopened on the table and I went [TS]

  about the rest of my day and the next [TS]

  day my lady friend was over here and she [TS]

  said I can't believe you haven't you [TS]

  bought a new laptop and you haven't even [TS]

  opened it and I looked over I was like [TS]

  oh yeah yeah [TS]

  oh how open that today probably and i [TS]

  was astonished to discover that i had no [TS]

  excitement that I was not in the least [TS]

  bit thrilled about my new computer that [TS]

  i knew i needed it and i bought it so [TS]

  that i could take it places and right on [TS]

  it but opening it and discovering the [TS]

  new operating system and syncing my [TS]

  contacts [TS]

  uploading my data to the cloud it all [TS]

  like the the thrill was gone and the [TS]

  tape it to fix some some good examples [TS]

  of that examples [TS]

  those are good examples of things that [TS]

  they're not so great in front ease when [TS]

  i open my mail when I finally did open [TS]

  the box and I turned on the computer and [TS]

  it went boom be in here and the lights [TS]

  come on and here's the computer and look [TS]

  at it and I go oh wow awesome and I [TS]

  touch it with my hand [TS]

  the first thing that pops up is a the [TS]

  itunes let your Apple ID know the itunes [TS]

  agreement has changed please click [TS]

  accept [TS]

  please click click agree and then the [TS]

  second thing it was like you need to [TS]

  download newts new software you need to [TS]

  you know update your update your OS so [TS]

  the thing that came in the box didn't [TS]

  even have the it wasn't it needed to be [TS]

  updated and the first three hours I [TS]

  spent with the new machine was just [TS]

  doing administrative exit clicking i [TS]

  agree on 25 because every single piece [TS]

  of software that needed to be updated [TS]

  also i needed to click a new Apple [TS]

  agreement yes and your password and [TS]

  enter my password and I was just like [TS]

  they have finally done it they have they [TS]

  have made this creativity box that is [TS]

  supposed to the end had it not only [TS]

  supposed to but has successfully freed [TS]

  us all from the drudgery of having to [TS]

  get up in the morning and chop wood and [TS]

  go to the bathroom and an outdoor toilet [TS]

  and iron are pillowcases it's all gone [TS]

  now and because we're all artists and [TS]

  geniuses and we all have this amazing [TS]

  powerful box that can they can collate [TS]

  our work and they have made it now into [TS]

  a drudgery [TS]

  and buying this computer I was just like [TS]

  I've just gotta go out and chop some [TS]

  wood to heat up the stove in the Privy [TS]

  so that i can take a shit on a wooden [TS]

  toilet seat happened i was so it was [TS]

  just like what's what next [TS]

  how now brown cow yeah I'm sorry John I [TS]

  i wish i wish i could have something to [TS]

  say about making it easier to line up of [TS]

  you know I think once i get my contacts [TS]

  synced yeah I'll be a lot happier it's [TS]

  gonna be a lot easier for you yeah that [TS]

  looks it'll take an hour to don't worry [TS]

  you can be done with that note i'm in [TS]

  the process with my wife has had 14 [TS]

  versions of every contact for three [TS]

  years no matter what we've ever done to [TS]

  fix that she comes right back [TS]

  she gets 14-14 ecology accounted [TS]

  accounted plus i have my guy I know [TS]

  named Jason santa maria is in my [TS]

  contacts as Jason Santa Santa Santa [TS]

  Santa Santa Santa Santa stand aside from [TS]

  marie apt because it just works the best [TS]

  part was I went so I'm or so this [TS]

  computer you know didn't give me an [TS]

  option it was going to upgrade the 10.9 [TS]

  or whatever but I went the computer i'm [TS]

  talking to you on now I was like oh now [TS]

  got a new computer i'm going to sync it [TS]

  with my old computer eating you that you [TS]

  didn't start by pulling that over but I [TS]

  can't because my old computer is running [TS]

  ready 10.6 still make that no they don't [TS]

  and so I went online and I was like okay [TS]

  I'm going to upgrade to 10.9 i guess and [TS]

  before I click on the button i started [TS]

  reading the reviews 1 star 1 star 1 star [TS]

  this is a carbon joanna is re reviews [TS]

  garbage oh is garbage Oh as this is [TS]

  gonna ruin your life and the problem the [TS]

  thing is I have post-traumatic stress [TS]

  disorder because i have upgraded you [TS]

  know on my little iPhone or whatever I [TS]

  put the new OS on there multiple times [TS]

  and every time it just turns it just [TS]

  breaks that [TS]

  never crash it's haha [TS]

  I've never had so many crashes on any [TS]

  phone i've ever owned [TS]

  then I have in the last month and a half [TS]

  M it wakes up to get that when he wakes [TS]

  up and just get a little white apple [TS]

  because you use your phone a lot [TS]

  I mean you really use it right i used [TS]

  the shit out of my phone and my phone is [TS]

  so there is a ghost in the machine now [TS]

  that was so what happened was I was I [TS]

  was on grand bahama as you do earlier [TS]

  this year without a message board [TS]

  no reds and it's an island i was on it i [TS]

  was on one of the Bahama Island got it [TS]

  and I was riding a scooter around the [TS]

  island as you do and i was on that very [TS]

  far end of the island and I got caught [TS]

  up in a Caribbean rainstorm and I was [TS]

  wearing white linen pants and a white [TS]

  linen church which look smashing [TS]

  when they're dry but when they're wet [TS]

  you basically look like a mozzarella so [TS]

  wet and so I'm riding through his you [TS]

  know i'm riding through this this the [TS]

  beautiful tropical [TS]

  beautiful tropical [TS]

  paradise just didn't get close get [TS]

  longer and bigger well yeah Leslie just [TS]

  like Lady cheese you can treat you can [TS]

  see every dimple annual mon ha and you [TS]

  know when i'm almost i'm driving fast [TS]

  because i'm on this i'm on the scooter [TS]

  and looks like that's what type scooter [TS]

  yeah look at this yeah and i have my [TS]

  phone in my pocket and that amount of [TS]

  wet a bottom aenean linen pocket wet is [TS]

  a lot of wet it's a lot of wet and it [TS]

  was enough wet it's not like I dropped [TS]

  it in the in the toilet like my phone [TS]

  that i would consider this to be normal [TS]

  use but the phone i know for a fact [TS]

  whatever that little button is inside [TS]

  that turns colors yet they can tell [TS]

  that's really got really wet again they [TS]

  can tell you about that you know about [TS]

  the yeah and then they just shake their [TS]

  head at you and they're like there's [TS]

  nothing we can do [TS]

  and so that's the thing is like friction [TS]

  on the frame jam flipping on the plots I [TS]

  mean every time I turn it on the first [TS]

  thing it does is it types for TJ's and [TS]

  k's in a you know just like Skid i'll [TS]

  put it up just like jkjkjkjk and I have [TS]

  to reset it [TS]