Roderick on the Line

00:00:00 ◼   ► hello hi jata hai Berlin how's it going [TS]

00:00:11 ◼   ► good good super good except that I [TS]

00:00:18 ◼   ► thought I had more coffee than I have no [TS]

00:00:21 ◼   ► you know the raw materials that the [TS]

00:00:24 ◼   ► beans i had you know one of the things [TS]

00:00:28 ◼   ► about having people stay over at your [TS]

00:00:29 ◼   ► house is that you're not anymore in [TS]

00:00:33 ◼   ► charge of any aspect of your stores just [TS]

00:00:37 ◼   ► got you guys just keep relearning that [TS]

00:00:39 ◼   ► over and over [TS]

00:00:40 ◼   ► you know that right it's one of those [TS]

00:00:43 ◼   ► things you know [TS]

00:00:45 ◼   ► yep you know when i had the the game [TS]

00:00:48 ◼   ► changers up here who at some point after [TS]

00:00:52 ◼   ► after the game changers weekend I went [TS]

00:00:55 ◼   ► you know I went into the pantry thinking [TS]

00:00:58 ◼   ► I had X number of certain items mostly [TS]

00:01:04 ◼   ► hobby software keep our cigars yeah [TS]

00:01:07 ◼   ► bacon and it was all gone but it was [TS]

00:01:10 ◼   ► like it was like locusts that come [TS]

00:01:12 ◼   ► through and I felt like Richard Gere out [TS]

00:01:14 ◼   ► i should have just started a fire in my [TS]

00:01:18 ◼   ► house and burden like Elizabeth Taylor [TS]

00:01:20 ◼   ► you open your closet expect to see all [TS]

00:01:22 ◼   ► those beautiful gowns and Underpants [TS]

00:01:24 ◼   ► it's just just ma's laughing at you but [TS]

00:01:27 ◼   ► the monster gone so yeah so I flew a [TS]

00:01:31 ◼   ► little bit close to the Sun letting [TS]

00:01:33 ◼   ► other people in my kitchen and now I [TS]

00:01:35 ◼   ► went downstairs I was like time for a [TS]

00:01:36 ◼   ► pot of coffee and what I found instead [TS]

00:01:39 ◼   ► was a refrigerator full of ice cream [TS]

00:01:44 ◼   ► well first of all freezer full of ice [TS]

00:01:47 ◼   ► cream a refrigerator full of ice cream [TS]

00:01:49 ◼   ► would have been a disaster but you know [TS]

00:01:51 ◼   ► my am I i went to a birthday party and [TS]

00:01:54 ◼   ► then somebody got somebody got the idea [TS]

00:01:58 ◼   ► that the leftovers we're going to go [TS]

00:01:59 ◼   ► with me but only certain leftovers and [TS]

00:02:02 ◼   ► what that ended up being was like four [TS]

00:02:05 ◼   ► gallons of ice cream is a good ice cream [TS]

00:02:07 ◼   ► yeah it's fine like kid ice cream and no [TS]

00:02:10 ◼   ► no it's not ice milk it's ice cream [TS]

00:02:13 ◼   ► no care of it this way you know what [TS]

00:02:17 ◼   ► they say God never closes a door without [TS]

00:02:19 ◼   ► opening some ice cream [TS]

00:02:21 ◼   ► I i love God God is you know I this is [TS]

00:02:26 ◼   ► probably just from my background in my [TS]

00:02:28 ◼   ► fear of probation but like I don't like [TS]

00:02:30 ◼   ► running out of things [TS]

00:02:31 ◼   ► mm no I think I think my lady and I we [TS]

00:02:34 ◼   ► don't disagree on this is just that it [TS]

00:02:36 ◼   ► means a lot to me to make sure that [TS]

00:02:38 ◼   ► there's another guy's got one in the [TS]

00:02:39 ◼   ► chamber right well you're a guy who [TS]

00:02:41 ◼   ► drinks 20 cams of carbonated water a day [TS]

00:02:45 ◼   ► have you cut back well the problem is [TS]

00:02:49 ◼   ► you know i've been using the the [TS]

00:02:51 ◼   ► SodaStream thing when you buy a big tank [TS]

00:02:53 ◼   ► know you and I've been out of that for a [TS]

00:02:55 ◼   ► while and i've been really lazy because [TS]

00:02:57 ◼   ► you've got to take in your empties each [TS]

00:02:59 ◼   ► one of those things wait a few pounds [TS]

00:03:00 ◼   ► you have to get in and train them in so [TS]

00:03:02 ◼   ► I falling back into my old ways and i [TS]

00:03:05 ◼   ► begin 12-packs of cans and my wife does [TS]

00:03:08 ◼   ► not like the cans [TS]

00:03:10 ◼   ► yeah because I drink seriously I do [TS]

00:03:12 ◼   ► drink / 12 pack of those a day [TS]

00:03:14 ◼   ► yeah well I'm the thing about the cans I [TS]

00:03:17 ◼   ► mean I haven't been to your house in [TS]

00:03:19 ◼   ► awhile but why remember the can era the [TS]

00:03:23 ◼   ► thing about those Kansas that there's [TS]

00:03:24 ◼   ► you know which end up with this like six [TS]

00:03:26 ◼   ► or seven cans with some carbonated water [TS]

00:03:29 ◼   ► in them kind of lying around [TS]

00:03:31 ◼   ► that's me there's like half a carat [TS]

00:03:33 ◼   ► carbonated water here half a can of [TS]

00:03:35 ◼   ► carbonated water there and loses its [TS]

00:03:37 ◼   ► carbonation pretty fast and that's just [TS]

00:03:40 ◼   ► pop cans full of water [TS]

00:03:42 ◼   ► yeah i yeah okay sure what i do is what [TS]

00:03:46 ◼   ► happens with me is I usually slam like i [TS]

00:03:48 ◼   ► usually out down down a 12 count can [TS]

00:03:50 ◼   ► pretty quick and i started another one [TS]

00:03:52 ◼   ► and that's the 1i forget is the second [TS]

00:03:54 ◼   ► or third one and this yeah they did they [TS]

00:03:56 ◼   ► accumulate and you can pretty much you [TS]

00:03:58 ◼   ► know there's that sense of like you're [TS]

00:03:59 ◼   ► going to walk into a room and you're [TS]

00:04:00 ◼   ► like I just know there's going to be in [TS]

00:04:01 ◼   ► this case like a can of seltzer and then [TS]

00:04:04 ◼   ► there is one by the bed on my daughter's [TS]

00:04:06 ◼   ► bed is a couple by the couch [TS]

00:04:09 ◼   ► that's how you know you have a problem [TS]

00:04:11 ◼   ► when you're when you you're leaving your [TS]

00:04:13 ◼   ► hands around your daughter's bed she [TS]

00:04:16 ◼   ► thinks she's better than me that's not [TS]

00:04:18 ◼   ► better than me [TS]

00:04:19 ◼   ► I mean I understand slamming a can of [TS]

00:04:22 ◼   ► seltzer water if you're just about to [TS]

00:04:23 ◼   ► get into a burp fight with somebody [TS]

00:04:25 ◼   ► who but I don't like slam and one it [TS]

00:04:29 ◼   ► seems like the opposite of what seltzer [TS]

00:04:31 ◼   ► is good at I feel so good [TS]

00:04:33 ◼   ► burns it burns like drinking beer you [TS]

00:04:36 ◼   ► know I think I started drinking Seltzer [TS]

00:04:39 ◼   ► more around the time I stopped drinking [TS]

00:04:41 ◼   ► beer [TS]

00:04:42 ◼   ► I used to drink a lot of beer and i [TS]

00:04:45 ◼   ► think i like the it's kind of like my [TS]

00:04:48 ◼   ► ethernet cigarette I guess I i like i [TS]

00:04:51 ◼   ► like these things a lot in there are [TS]

00:04:52 ◼   ► there was a refresh me anytime I get up [TS]

00:04:54 ◼   ► something to get Miller night to urinate [TS]

00:04:55 ◼   ► as you do and I'll just go boom have [TS]

00:04:57 ◼   ► seltzer [TS]

00:04:58 ◼   ► yeah right and it's not it's no calories [TS]

00:05:00 ◼   ► no fuss no muss you don't owe anybody [TS]

00:05:02 ◼   ► anything but then I then I crushed and [TS]

00:05:04 ◼   ► throw it against the wall and wake [TS]

00:05:05 ◼   ► everybody up [TS]

00:05:06 ◼   ► fuck you a public you think that's [TS]

00:05:09 ◼   ► outlive him [TS]

00:05:10 ◼   ► yeah yeah I think intelligence by on my [TS]

00:05:12 ◼   ► all-time favorite professors in college [TS]

00:05:14 ◼   ► my was on the committee my poetry [TS]

00:05:16 ◼   ► professor is my sponsor most of the time [TS]

00:05:18 ◼   ► i was there he added he was one of those [TS]

00:05:21 ◼   ► people were like I just don't know how [TS]

00:05:23 ◼   ► he felt his life was really complicated [TS]

00:05:25 ◼   ► you know you don't make even you know as [TS]

00:05:28 ◼   ► a full professor at florida university [TS]

00:05:29 ◼   ► you don't make that that much money [TS]

00:05:32 ◼   ► you're getting paid and seeds and stems [TS]

00:05:35 ◼   ► and he had is a his mom who is you know [TS]

00:05:39 ◼   ► completely like need a total total care [TS]

00:05:42 ◼   ► live with them his his son who is [TS]

00:05:45 ◼   ► developmentally disabled live with him [TS]

00:05:47 ◼   ► some of the time he taught at other [TS]

00:05:49 ◼   ► places at the same time multiple women [TS]

00:05:53 ◼   ► yeah this is a guy you know what the [TS]

00:05:55 ◼   ► Princeton was one of the first [TS]

00:05:56 ◼   ► professors at school is a great guy like [TS]

00:05:58 ◼   ► anybody wants a new college remember Mac [TS]

00:06:00 ◼   ► Miller he was just the best but you can [TS]

00:06:01 ◼   ► tell stress Macklemore Macklemore Miller [TS]

00:06:04 ◼   ► that's right with ryan lewis and what he [TS]

00:06:06 ◼   ► would do is though he's always smoking [TS]

00:06:07 ◼   ► two things about Max's first of all like [TS]

00:06:10 ◼   ► you've never actually seen Mac drink a [TS]

00:06:11 ◼   ► beer [TS]

00:06:12 ◼   ► he would bring it bring out some of the [TS]

00:06:13 ◼   ► braincase your class and and you would [TS]

00:06:17 ◼   ► you don't hear the beer [TS]

00:06:18 ◼   ► those were the days you hear ya haha [TS]

00:06:20 ◼   ► alright dude your hips you look and it [TS]

00:06:25 ◼   ► was like against the doctor who [TS]

00:06:26 ◼   ► references like the the weeping angels [TS]

00:06:27 ◼   ► you can actually see the move [TS]

00:06:29 ◼   ► you don't see anything here was and then [TS]

00:06:31 ◼   ► you look back here and crushing the can [TS]

00:06:34 ◼   ► and something with cigarettes he was and [TS]

00:06:36 ◼   ► he's one of those guys like Matthew [TS]

00:06:37 ◼   ► McConaughey smoker like [TS]

00:06:39 ◼   ► you really each one was like a little [TS]

00:06:40 ◼   ► conjugal visit like he smoke the shit [TS]

00:06:42 ◼   ► out of a cigarette in front of a [TS]

00:06:45 ◼   ► classroom every smoking class is a lot [TS]

00:06:47 ◼   ► of time haha ok I got talking about my [TS]

00:06:50 ◼   ► school and you can make up your own [TS]

00:06:53 ◼   ► classes there and yeah it's kinda like I [TS]

00:06:56 ◼   ► don't know if you ever saw the Grateful [TS]

00:06:58 ◼   ► Dead I was uh yeah okay for you saw them [TS]

00:07:01 ◼   ► saw the shit no I was born to basically [TS]

00:07:05 ◼   ► create I like rock music ah i was [TS]

00:07:09 ◼   ► fortunate to see them live three shots [TS]

00:07:10 ◼   ► sure back when the early nineties you i [TS]

00:07:12 ◼   ► fell in you fell in with the deadheads [TS]

00:07:14 ◼   ► lady lady [TS]

00:07:16 ◼   ► by the early nineties i was already i [TS]

00:07:17 ◼   ► was already transitioned touch of grey [TS]

00:07:19 ◼   ► spoke to you look really good [TS]

00:07:21 ◼   ► well you know what it was it was that I [TS]

00:07:23 ◼   ► couldn't afford birkenstock so they were [TS]

00:07:26 ◼   ► costly they were expensive and all the [TS]

00:07:29 ◼   ► cool kids had him for that for that that [TS]

00:07:31 ◼   ► one summer I think it was the summer of [TS]

00:07:34 ◼   ► 88 they think they got big fast [TS]

00:07:37 ◼   ► oh and it was Birkenstocks everywhere [TS]

00:07:39 ◼   ► all the you know it was you know what it [TS]

00:07:40 ◼   ► was Birkenstocks and mountain bikes they [TS]

00:07:42 ◼   ► were both they both became popular that [TS]

00:07:45 ◼   ► that same summer before 1988 levels get [TS]

00:07:48 ◼   ► a whole chapter about that is that right [TS]

00:07:50 ◼   ► huh [TS]

00:07:50 ◼   ► before nine point yeah there was no [TS]

00:07:53 ◼   ► mountain bikes I've never heard of a [TS]

00:07:55 ◼   ► mountain bike if you wanted to ride your [TS]

00:07:57 ◼   ► bike off road [TS]

00:07:58 ◼   ► you got a BMX bike got a big BMX bike if [TS]

00:08:02 ◼   ► you were full-grown person then all of a [TS]

00:08:04 ◼   ► sudden mountain bikes were invented and [TS]

00:08:07 ◼   ► but everybody was wearing Birkenstocks [TS]

00:08:08 ◼   ► and I was like I don't have them [TS]

00:08:10 ◼   ► I campaign ninety dollars for a pair of [TS]

00:08:12 ◼   ► sandals I don't have any money and I [TS]

00:08:15 ◼   ► don't have any money to get a mountain [TS]

00:08:16 ◼   ► bike and i'm getting left behind here [TS]

00:08:18 ◼   ► and I feel like that was also the summer [TS]

00:08:21 ◼   ► that everybody was where everybody was [TS]

00:08:24 ◼   ► wearing raybans not Wayfarers they were [TS]

00:08:27 ◼   ► wearing aviators wear a banner aviators [TS]

00:08:29 ◼   ► and so I'm looking around looking to my [TS]

00:08:31 ◼   ► left there's a guy in ray ban aviators [TS]

00:08:33 ◼   ► with Birkenstocks is riding a mountain [TS]

00:08:35 ◼   ► bike i looked to my right same same [TS]

00:08:37 ◼   ► story and I'm i got nothing so i was [TS]

00:08:41 ◼   ► like i'm gonna start going to seek see [TS]

00:08:43 ◼   ► great that whenever i can just to try [TS]

00:08:46 ◼   ► and just trying to even the playing [TS]

00:08:48 ◼   ► field [TS]

00:08:49 ◼   ► but one of the things about seeing the [TS]

00:08:50 ◼   ► Grateful Dead was Jerry Garcia become [TS]

00:08:54 ◼   ► Jerry Jerry Jerry he called papa with [TS]

00:08:57 ◼   ► that he's got a name [TS]

00:08:58 ◼   ► hi Jerry Jerry care i think jer if [TS]

00:09:02 ◼   ► you're really into it there Jerry would [TS]

00:09:05 ◼   ► like in the middle of a solo butta baby [TS]

00:09:09 ◼   ► food will be provided it means we can [TS]

00:09:11 ◼   ► have that you can have a middle to [TS]

00:09:12 ◼   ► something that's never ended it would he [TS]

00:09:17 ◼   ► would walk he would walk kind of around [TS]

00:09:20 ◼   ► behind his amp let's go to cook and [TS]

00:09:24 ◼   ► Craft services the solo would keep going [TS]

00:09:27 ◼   ► and there would be and then from behind [TS]

00:09:31 ◼   ► the amp that would be a cloud of smoke [TS]

00:09:33 ◼   ► and i don't mean like I don't mean like [TS]

00:09:36 ◼   ► somebody took a puff of a cigarette [TS]

00:09:37 ◼   ► I mean like somebody i mean like the [TS]

00:09:39 ◼   ► cloud of smoke like they release when [TS]

00:09:40 ◼   ► the Pope is chosen like like bows from [TS]

00:09:45 ◼   ► behind the amp like oh holy shit jerky [TS]

00:09:47 ◼   ► it just caught on fire spontaneously [TS]

00:09:49 ◼   ► combusted and then you come up and come [TS]

00:09:51 ◼   ► back out from around the amp the solo [TS]

00:09:53 ◼   ► never stopped and I don't know what all [TS]

00:09:56 ◼   ► went on behind the am but I think about [TS]

00:10:00 ◼   ► it still like I think about a night at [TS]

00:10:03 ◼   ► the time I was like not that's living / [TS]

00:10:05 ◼   ► he goes back there he probably goes into [TS]

00:10:08 ◼   ► one of those john travolta Bubble Boy [TS]

00:10:10 ◼   ► tense over and all the drugs and he just [TS]

00:10:18 ◼   ► he confuses us kid [TS]

00:10:20 ◼   ► he isn't a dream job though i mean the [TS]

00:10:24 ◼   ► the idea that like that is set aside the [TS]

00:10:26 ◼   ► whole plan in a rock band that's that's [TS]

00:10:27 ◼   ► awesome enough to begin with a pseudo [TS]

00:10:28 ◼   ► rock band but just the idea that you [TS]

00:10:30 ◼   ► could still keep doing your job [TS]

00:10:31 ◼   ► disappear for a while into a puff of [TS]

00:10:34 ◼   ► indeterminate smoke and everybody would [TS]

00:10:37 ◼   ► still be just as satisfied with your job [TS]

00:10:38 ◼   ► that dream if you go around behind your [TS]

00:10:40 ◼   ► amp and you and your drug ballot have [TS]

00:10:43 ◼   ► like a bong wrangler I'm sure he did and [TS]

00:10:47 ◼   ► he's still play he's still playing his [TS]

00:10:49 ◼   ► guitar [TS]

00:10:50 ◼   ► www.getcash people are people are [TS]

00:10:54 ◼   ► sticking needles in people [TS]

00:10:56 ◼   ► chin up nose and it's like the indy 500 [TS]

00:10:59 ◼   ► pace car that's right DJ desire they're [TS]

00:11:02 ◼   ► putting a suppository of it even a fresh [TS]

00:11:04 ◼   ► liver and many turns back around never [TS]

00:11:07 ◼   ► even stopped [TS]

00:11:08 ◼   ► oh man it was extraordinary and I anyway [TS]

00:11:12 ◼   ► to finish to finish that line of thought [TS]

00:11:14 ◼   ► I never have only pair of birkenstocks [TS]

00:11:15 ◼   ► even to this day it's a boy it's it's [TS]

00:11:19 ◼   ► super frustrating to me as a as a [TS]

00:11:22 ◼   ► contrarian yeah i really i hate how [TS]

00:11:25 ◼   ► crazy it makes me feel when something [TS]

00:11:27 ◼   ► suddenly becomes more than popular it [TS]

00:11:30 ◼   ► just becomes something that everybody [TS]

00:11:32 ◼   ► gets which is fine it's called fad but [TS]

00:11:35 ◼   ► didn't react like second then we act [TS]

00:11:37 ◼   ► like it's always been this necessary [TS]

00:11:40 ◼   ► right right and and we nobody ever [TS]

00:11:42 ◼   ► acknowledges how bananas it is it [TS]

00:11:44 ◼   ► suddenly it's 1999 we don't know why but [TS]

00:11:47 ◼   ► suddenly everybody needs a Bronco like [TS]

00:11:49 ◼   ► everybody needs an SUV and just suddenly [TS]

00:11:51 ◼   ► became this thing we're like well of [TS]

00:11:53 ◼   ► course you got your back can't afford a [TS]

00:11:55 ◼   ► Hummer so I got a Bronco it's like you [TS]

00:11:57 ◼   ► know what were you doing with that Tyler [TS]

00:11:59 ◼   ► soccer gear will fit into a country [TS]

00:12:01 ◼   ► squire just fine [TS]

00:12:03 ◼   ► yeah but only six that's not the point [TS]

00:12:04 ◼   ► it's just that suddenly everybody's got [TS]

00:12:06 ◼   ► to have that it's like the Calvin peeing [TS]

00:12:07 ◼   ► on something stickers or stickers of [TS]

00:12:09 ◼   ► like how many kids you have in your [TS]

00:12:10 ◼   ► family or whatever it's like it suddenly [TS]

00:12:11 ◼   ► becomes a thing and you gotta do it baby [TS]

00:12:13 ◼   ► on board fully sixty percent of the [TS]

00:12:15 ◼   ► vehicles on the road our SUVs i mean III [TS]

00:12:18 ◼   ► don't know if that's an accurate but it [TS]

00:12:20 ◼   ► sure seems that way to me everywhere you [TS]

00:12:21 ◼   ► look every single car make has an SUV [TS]

00:12:24 ◼   ► and that's a boy Adam for the cowboy hat [TS]

00:12:27 ◼   ► of driving it's really it's really [TS]

00:12:29 ◼   ► infuriating because they're terrible [TS]

00:12:32 ◼   ► cars and they're bad trucks right right [TS]

00:12:35 ◼   ► i mean this I mean and they need they're [TS]

00:12:38 ◼   ► like a lot of those that they've never [TS]

00:12:39 ◼   ► been in fourth gear or they've never [TS]

00:12:41 ◼   ► been in four-wheel drive in their entire [TS]

00:12:43 ◼   ► existence have definitely never been in [TS]

00:12:45 ◼   ► fourth gear in four-wheel drive [TS]

00:12:48 ◼   ► not unless their son took it out not [TS]

00:12:50 ◼   ► unless i was driving yeah but yet but [TS]

00:12:54 ◼   ► even even even as a contrarian and I [TS]

00:12:56 ◼   ► I've called macrame it's a phenomenon [TS]

00:12:58 ◼   ► that I simply call macrame because [TS]

00:13:00 ◼   ► that's me in my lifetime is the [TS]

00:13:02 ◼   ► canonical example of like what what is [TS]

00:13:05 ◼   ► how [TS]

00:13:05 ◼   ► happening why why do we suddenly have [TS]

00:13:08 ◼   ► macrame and why is it suddenly something [TS]

00:13:10 ◼   ► everybody's doing and not acting like [TS]

00:13:12 ◼   ► it's weird that everybody's got jute you [TS]

00:13:14 ◼   ► know what weird [TS]

00:13:15 ◼   ► listen us macrame has a special place in [TS]

00:13:18 ◼   ► my heart [TS]

00:13:19 ◼   ► are we going out again we go back to the [TS]

00:13:21 ◼   ► old topic home crafts and it is their [TS]

00:13:25 ◼   ► place in artistic pantheon without [TS]

00:13:27 ◼   ► macrame how would you suspend your [TS]

00:13:30 ◼   ► terrarium yeah right [TS]

00:13:33 ◼   ► how would you how would you have a [TS]

00:13:35 ◼   ► terrarium in a in a giant glass globe [TS]

00:13:37 ◼   ► hanging in your living see that use case [TS]

00:13:39 ◼   ► you gotta eat yours is a terrarium owner [TS]

00:13:42 ◼   ► if you need a hanging solution you do [TS]

00:13:44 ◼   ► and macramé is it [TS]

00:13:46 ◼   ► I don't think that's how most people do [TS]

00:13:47 ◼   ► it well my last name is my family make [TS]

00:13:51 ◼   ► my person my paternal grandmother was [TS]

00:13:53 ◼   ► for her whole life a crafty person like [TS]

00:13:56 ◼   ► she had been an area of the with what [TS]

00:13:59 ◼   ► they called the utility room where she [TS]

00:14:00 ◼   ► would make christmas ornaments she would [TS]

00:14:02 ◼   ► make decoupage like every single one of [TS]

00:14:04 ◼   ► those things that you've seen people [TS]

00:14:05 ◼   ► make in the last 50 years she did it she [TS]

00:14:07 ◼   ► was good at it [TS]

00:14:08 ◼   ► scrapbooking well that's just that [TS]

00:14:11 ◼   ► that's hoarding with a trip to Michael [TS]

00:14:12 ◼   ► and basically haha but yeah right your [TS]

00:14:15 ◼   ► majesty i don't i wasn't a hoarder i [TS]

00:14:17 ◼   ► still have stuff around here either or [TS]

00:14:19 ◼   ► sorry no offense I you know what my old [TS]

00:14:24 ◼   ► houses a scrapbook my mom what [TS]

00:14:28 ◼   ► everyone's well we'll will divest [TS]

00:14:30 ◼   ► yourself of another box that she feels [TS]

00:14:32 ◼   ► is like keeping her from being able to [TS]

00:14:34 ◼   ► fly [TS]

00:14:35 ◼   ► she's like I don't want this anymore and [TS]

00:14:36 ◼   ► she hands me a box and all open and it [TS]

00:14:38 ◼   ► seemed every once in awhile it will [TS]

00:14:39 ◼   ► contain some like item of incredible [TS]

00:14:44 ◼   ► lace or you know a super super like [TS]

00:14:49 ◼   ► detailed handwork needlework that you [TS]

00:14:52 ◼   ► would never ever you would be able to [TS]

00:14:55 ◼   ► buy any price and she's like you know my [TS]

00:14:56 ◼   ► grandmother made that my great [TS]

00:14:58 ◼   ► grandmother made that and you're just [TS]

00:15:00 ◼   ► imagining that the skill involved in the [TS]

00:15:05 ◼   ► patriarchy training the women to be that [TS]

00:15:10 ◼   ► involved in such a useless task so that [TS]

00:15:12 ◼   ► they don't have a political power [TS]

00:15:16 ◼   ► extraordinary but you got to keep their [TS]

00:15:17 ◼   ► hands busy you do you have otherwise [TS]

00:15:19 ◼   ► they're going to call meetings and stuff [TS]

00:15:20 ◼   ► have to keep them thinking about [TS]

00:15:23 ◼   ► something you think about lace what you [TS]

00:15:25 ◼   ► think about think about lace and you [TS]

00:15:26 ◼   ► talk to each other about lace let's talk [TS]

00:15:28 ◼   ► more oily and meanwhile meanwhile we're [TS]

00:15:31 ◼   ► buying your father's farm who is [TS]

00:15:36 ◼   ► terrible turns around and got the early [TS]

00:15:38 ◼   ► mustache too late [TS]

00:15:40 ◼   ► yeah I always think about that late [TS]

00:15:43 ◼   ► eighties time because if you recall this [TS]

00:15:46 ◼   ► is a very difficult thing to explain to [TS]

00:15:48 ◼   ► young people but there was a little of [TS]

00:15:51 ◼   ► everything is explained to them haha [TS]

00:15:54 ◼   ► tell me about those African necklaces [TS]

00:15:56 ◼   ► that tell a soul war but that moment in [TS]

00:16:00 ◼   ► 1988 where the nostalgia for 1968 [TS]

00:16:04 ◼   ► reached its Apogee and we basically the [TS]

00:16:10 ◼   ► summer of 88 we relived the summer of 68 [TS]

00:16:13 ◼   ► except dumber lamer sugar in every [TS]

00:16:18 ◼   ► respect [TS]

00:16:20 ◼   ► I don't know if I don't know where you [TS]

00:16:21 ◼   ► were on the I was pretty happy [TS]

00:16:24 ◼   ► yeah right and and and even realize I [TS]

00:16:28 ◼   ► was always a fake Marxist fake hippie [TS]

00:16:31 ◼   ► fake punk rock but I was a happy guy but [TS]

00:16:34 ◼   ► i mean i was i was heavily invested in [TS]

00:16:35 ◼   ► what you can very loosely call [TS]

00:16:38 ◼   ► alternative culture right and thats [TS]

00:16:41 ◼   ► interesting culture had coalesced yet [TS]

00:16:43 ◼   ► but also that at my school have to [TS]

00:16:44 ◼   ► interview my school in their scientists [TS]

00:16:46 ◼   ► of hippies they're like it with the the [TS]

00:16:48 ◼   ► real remember that you may not remember [TS]

00:16:50 ◼   ► the harmonic convergence was coming and [TS]

00:16:52 ◼   ► it was like science for hippies like [TS]

00:16:54 ◼   ► there was gonna be some big shit going [TS]

00:16:56 ◼   ► down this is going to the native [TS]

00:16:56 ◼   ► whatever the age after Aquarius is the [TS]

00:16:58 ◼   ► age of libra I don't know what it was [TS]

00:16:59 ◼   ► but something something serious was [TS]

00:17:01 ◼   ► going to be going down night 1990 is [TS]

00:17:04 ◼   ► going to make 19 670 look like no was it [TS]

00:17:08 ◼   ► was a dennis hopper quote from the movie [TS]

00:17:10 ◼   ► 1969 no no it wasn't it was a dennis [TS]

00:17:14 ◼   ► hopper quote from another movie that he [TS]

00:17:16 ◼   ► started with Kiefer Sutherland hd8 know [TS]

00:17:20 ◼   ► it will but it wasn't a retro movie it [TS]

00:17:22 ◼   ► was a it was a contemporary movie where [TS]

00:17:23 ◼   ► he wear his quote was his big cock was [TS]

00:17:26 ◼   ► I wasn't 1989 is going to make 1969 look [TS]

00:17:31 ◼   ► like 1979 or something like that 1989 is [TS]

00:17:37 ◼   ► gonna make check the source 1990 is [TS]

00:17:40 ◼   ► going to make 1970 look like 1980 no.19 [TS]

00:17:44 ◼   ► that the 1990s is gonna make 1969 look [TS]

00:17:51 ◼   ► like 1950s something like that it was a [TS]

00:17:54 ◼   ► real put down i'll just have to take [TS]

00:17:56 ◼   ► that whole-ass a t-test yeah you got a [TS]

00:18:00 ◼   ► shopper SI t you just got to the [TS]

00:18:01 ◼   ► coloring portion of the the point being [TS]

00:18:06 ◼   ► that that that there was there was [TS]

00:18:08 ◼   ► really and and i remember seeing that [TS]

00:18:09 ◼   ► movie that was the that was that that [TS]

00:18:13 ◼   ► may be the one year where I went to see [TS]

00:18:16 ◼   ► every movie and that 1969 with the with [TS]

00:18:21 ◼   ► the 110 rider and the and the junkie [TS]

00:18:25 ◼   ► that plays the superhero now [TS]

00:18:28 ◼   ► Oh Robert Downey jr. Robert Downey jr. [TS]

00:18:31 ◼   ► you know like I teared up in that movie [TS]

00:18:35 ◼   ► I teared up as crosby Stills and Nash [TS]

00:18:39 ◼   ► use wooden ships played and that and [TS]

00:18:42 ◼   ► they got in their vote beat the two main [TS]

00:18:44 ◼   ► characters got in the Box wagon bus and [TS]

00:18:45 ◼   ► headed out across America like that I [TS]

00:18:50 ◼   ► was like and I was being spoon-fed [TS]

00:18:52 ◼   ► sixties nostalgia and and and and I was [TS]

00:19:00 ◼   ► allowing it to be my own use [TS]

00:19:03 ◼   ► like I was [TS]

00:19:05 ◼   ► I was 20 and i was looking at this movie [TS]

00:19:08 ◼   ► about 20 year olds from 20 years before [TS]

00:19:11 ◼   ► and liked and weeping that I didn't have [TS]

00:19:14 ◼   ► a Vietnam you know to be mad about fucks [TS]

00:19:17 ◼   ► my vietnam vietnam and the and you know [TS]

00:19:22 ◼   ► and that lasted I mean that lasted [TS]

00:19:24 ◼   ► honestly until a grunge I'm sad to say [TS]

00:19:28 ◼   ► but like that sense of that sense of the [TS]

00:19:34 ◼   ► sixties being this being this shadow on [TS]

00:19:39 ◼   ► our youth that our generation just was [TS]

00:19:44 ◼   ► like laboring under this nineteen [TS]

00:19:46 ◼   ► sixties cloud and yeah I was a hippie [TS]

00:19:53 ◼   ► and what the fuck was I looking for i [TS]

00:19:55 ◼   ► was looking for is partly I think it's [TS]

00:19:58 ◼   ► because the sixties generation never [TS]

00:20:00 ◼   ► produced anything after the sixties you [TS]

00:20:05 ◼   ► know they were stuck in our inner in a [TS]

00:20:07 ◼   ► complete retro nostalgia trip about [TS]

00:20:09 ◼   ► themselves and there were so many of a [TS]

00:20:11 ◼   ► moose they were so powerful that they [TS]

00:20:14 ◼   ► just like that's weird it's almost like [TS]

00:20:16 ◼   ► the sixties ended in 1968 but kind of [TS]

00:20:19 ◼   ► didn't really end until nineteen eighty [TS]

00:20:21 ◼   ► i well I'm gonna go watch boogie nights [TS]

00:20:24 ◼   ► or something like that and like it [TS]

00:20:26 ◼   ► really it really is like people really [TS]

00:20:28 ◼   ► thought stuff was gonna be really really [TS]

00:20:31 ◼   ► different but I'm i would argue that it [TS]

00:20:33 ◼   ► that it lasted until nineteen ninety [TS]

00:20:35 ◼   ► from in the same kind of like a in the [TS]

00:20:40 ◼   ► same like frozen states because your [TS]

00:20:45 ◼   ► expectations like enough time for the [TS]

00:20:47 ◼   ► that generation that baby boomers to [TS]

00:20:51 ◼   ► come into power and purchase purchasing [TS]

00:20:54 ◼   ► and political power like there was this [TS]

00:20:56 ◼   ► latent period where it should have just [TS]

00:20:57 ◼   ► gone away but then right about the time [TS]

00:20:58 ◼   ► it should have gone away they were the [TS]

00:21:00 ◼   ► ones out there who are like you know you [TS]

00:21:02 ◼   ► get the big chill culture coming around [TS]

00:21:03 ◼   ► again [TS]

00:21:04 ◼   ► right right of well yeah that there's [TS]

00:21:07 ◼   ► that I mean that that that all through [TS]

00:21:09 ◼   ► the seventies I think they were still I [TS]

00:21:12 ◼   ► mean most of those people were like [TS]

00:21:14 ◼   ► really into x and high-five high-five [TS]

00:21:16 ◼   ► stereo systems I mean I'm just [TS]

00:21:18 ◼   ► basing this on old copies of we magazine [TS]

00:21:20 ◼   ► but starting in nineteen eighty like [TS]

00:21:27 ◼   ► they were so let's think about the baby [TS]

00:21:29 ◼   ► boomers for second as much as I hate to [TS]

00:21:30 ◼   ► do it in 1980 let's say the average baby [TS]

00:21:34 ◼   ► boomer was 30 years old and they are a [TS]

00:21:39 ◼   ► little bit taken their taken by surprise [TS]

00:21:41 ◼   ► by punk rock new wave and disco I mean [TS]

00:21:44 ◼   ► disco I think they were they were on [TS]

00:21:46 ◼   ► board but punk rock new wave it that's [TS]

00:21:50 ◼   ► brand-new and and editing and it doesn't [TS]

00:21:55 ◼   ► involve them it's not about them and so [TS]

00:21:59 ◼   ► they even at 30 years old that [TS]

00:22:02 ◼   ► generation starts to turn back and look [TS]

00:22:08 ◼   ► at themselves as a unit they start to [TS]

00:22:12 ◼   ► circle the wagons and that's what that's [TS]

00:22:15 ◼   ► the that's the beginning of when you [TS]

00:22:17 ◼   ► start to see this like well really [TS]

00:22:19 ◼   ► nothing ever happened after the sixties [TS]

00:22:21 ◼   ► like really the sixties with the peak [TS]

00:22:23 ◼   ► like 1968 that was the peak you know [TS]

00:22:27 ◼   ► yeah you started to hear that idea in [TS]

00:22:31 ◼   ► American culture and and that that [TS]

00:22:36 ◼   ► natural thing I mean in 1992 n it at [TS]

00:22:39 ◼   ► every point along the way you look back [TS]

00:22:41 ◼   ► 10 years and go boy things really suck [TS]

00:22:43 ◼   ► 10 years ago and then ten years after [TS]

00:22:45 ◼   ► that you're like wow things were amazing [TS]

00:22:46 ◼   ► 20 years ago [TS]

00:22:47 ◼   ► you know there's that there's that [TS]

00:22:49 ◼   ► strange skips a mini generation kinda [TS]

00:22:51 ◼   ► yeah and and you can I mean you remember [TS]

00:22:54 ◼   ► how much shit we talked about the music [TS]

00:22:56 ◼   ► of the seventies we talked so much shit [TS]

00:22:59 ◼   ► about the music of the seventies or in [TS]

00:23:02 ◼   ► the late eighties early nineties i mean [TS]

00:23:05 ◼   ► i-i had multiple conversations with [TS]

00:23:07 ◼   ► people where everybody accepted the [TS]

00:23:09 ◼   ► basic premise which was that the [TS]

00:23:11 ◼   ► seventies were the worst Joe the worst [TS]

00:23:14 ◼   ► decade for music it can only be enjoyed [TS]

00:23:15 ◼   ► ironically it was only 20 years but I [TS]

00:23:18 ◼   ► mean I remember like for example and [TS]

00:23:19 ◼   ► have a nice day collection came out [TS]

00:23:21 ◼   ► which is full of like am radio hits that [TS]

00:23:23 ◼   ► I loved as a kid and still really like [TS]

00:23:24 ◼   ► today but it's all very it was very [TS]

00:23:26 ◼   ► ironic you know effect from from removed [TS]

00:23:29 ◼   ► and I remember that [TS]

00:23:31 ◼   ► oh it's a look at this garbage the best [TS]

00:23:33 ◼   ► like think about 20 like got popular and [TS]

00:23:36 ◼   ► around the time that like house music [TS]

00:23:37 ◼   ► was starting to really get big and [TS]

00:23:39 ◼   ► raving was making a pre raising kind of [TS]

00:23:41 ◼   ► age but still like the whole idea of [TS]

00:23:43 ◼   ► these like massive dance parties is [TS]

00:23:44 ◼   ► coming around that were very in some [TS]

00:23:46 ◼   ► ways very influenced by the by certain [TS]

00:23:48 ◼   ► sixties kind of five so far as justice [TS]

00:23:50 ◼   ► as you said before della soul that right [TS]

00:23:53 ◼   ► first record very very sixties [TS]

00:23:56 ◼   ► graphically and the daily Sasha the days [TS]

00:24:00 ◼   ► eh LOL dayz age y'all but the the the [TS]

00:24:04 ◼   ► thing about this also i like how in [TS]

00:24:06 ◼   ► 1990s safe in 1992 like clothes from [TS]

00:24:12 ◼   ► 1972 look so preposterous so you'd see [TS]

00:24:14 ◼   ► like Susanna Hoffs like ironically [TS]

00:24:17 ◼   ► wearing bell-bottoms in a video or [TS]

00:24:18 ◼   ► something or you think about the delight [TS]

00:24:20 ◼   ► video which is having a lot of fun with [TS]

00:24:21 ◼   ► that iconography but the thing is stuff [TS]

00:24:23 ◼   ► from 1972 looks timeless compared to [TS]

00:24:26 ◼   ► what people are wearing in 1992 go watch [TS]

00:24:28 ◼   ► it go into early sign fell and you're [TS]

00:24:30 ◼   ► like oh my god people i mean the [TS]

00:24:32 ◼   ► nineties is so much more eighties in the [TS]

00:24:34 ◼   ► eighties ever was [TS]

00:24:35 ◼   ► yeah are you hip now to the to this new [TS]

00:24:37 ◼   ► the little or no guard earth where you [TS]

00:24:42 ◼   ► know of course it's like artisanal toast [TS]

00:24:43 ◼   ► i think that's got to be a prank people [TS]

00:24:45 ◼   ► are wearing mock turtlenecks and that [TS]

00:24:50 ◼   ► dad jeans and I thing is you know i read [TS]

00:24:53 ◼   ► i read a couple of articles about it [TS]

00:24:55 ◼   ► where it's like is this real [TS]

00:24:56 ◼   ► but I mean I i know some kids and Israel [TS]

00:24:59 ◼   ► there there [TS]

00:25:00 ◼   ► the kids are rocking not just Cosby [TS]

00:25:03 ◼   ► sweaters but like to the next level of [TS]

00:25:05 ◼   ► ya registration scott simpson was ahead [TS]

00:25:09 ◼   ► of this all along [TS]

00:25:10 ◼   ► yeah he was wearing mock turtlenecks the [TS]

00:25:12 ◼   ► entire time before it was uncool up so I [TS]

00:25:16 ◼   ► don't know I I still I still feel a [TS]

00:25:18 ◼   ► little bit of of of resent resentment [TS]

00:25:22 ◼   ► like a little bit of residual resentment [TS]

00:25:26 ◼   ► about the way the sixties [TS]

00:25:33 ◼   ► [Music] [TS]

00:25:34 ◼   ► the the way this the urine smell of the [TS]

00:25:36 ◼   ► sixties was all over the music of the [TS]

00:25:39 ◼   ► late eighties I'm still mad at me [TS]

00:25:45 ◼   ► that's why I'm exam that's why only [TS]

00:25:46 ◼   ► always grown so that in the end the [TS]

00:25:48 ◼   ► Birkenstocks and yeah that whole I mean [TS]

00:25:52 ◼   ► you know I I feel like I dovin to drugs [TS]

00:25:55 ◼   ► with at least a certain amount of [TS]

00:25:59 ◼   ► expectation that I mean the way that's [TS]

00:26:04 ◼   ► the way the sixties culture subculture [TS]

00:26:07 ◼   ► looked back on itself and the way that [TS]

00:26:09 ◼   ► drugs had freed their mind and the way [TS]

00:26:12 ◼   ► that drugs were you know what separated [TS]

00:26:14 ◼   ► them from the squares and you know that [TS]

00:26:16 ◼   ► whole division that that might have been [TS]

00:26:19 ◼   ► and I think probably was pretty poignant [TS]

00:26:23 ◼   ► in 1962 through 64 like we're doing [TS]

00:26:27 ◼   ► drugs no one else has ever even heard of [TS]

00:26:30 ◼   ► them [TS]

00:26:30 ◼   ► this is you know like we are really [TS]

00:26:32 ◼   ► outside but but the matter the by the [TS]

00:26:37 ◼   ► time the mass culture got ahold of drugs [TS]

00:26:39 ◼   ► and it was just like a yeah all right [TS]

00:26:40 ◼   ► you all right you bunch of spoiled kids [TS]

00:26:43 ◼   ► but when i was 17 18 years old [TS]

00:26:46 ◼   ► that was back in them and you know and [TS]

00:26:49 ◼   ► I'm not even saying it was in that it [TS]

00:26:51 ◼   ► was in the top level of the culture but [TS]

00:26:52 ◼   ► it was it was throughout the culture [TS]

00:26:57 ◼   ► this wing king between baby boomers like [TS]

00:27:00 ◼   ► remember remember the ship we saw [TS]

00:27:03 ◼   ► remember the drugs and the times and all [TS]

00:27:06 ◼   ► the sex remember and at 17 and / you [TS]

00:27:10 ◼   ► know perceptive of of subtexts I was [TS]

00:27:13 ◼   ► like well yeah i wanna do the drugs and [TS]

00:27:16 ◼   ► and have the section and run away and [TS]

00:27:19 ◼   ► Volkswagen button and and protest the [TS]

00:27:23 ◼   ► war me when we had a course ronald [TS]

00:27:25 ◼   ► reagan that could stand in for a lot of [TS]

00:27:29 ◼   ► the it could stand in for fifties [TS]

00:27:32 ◼   ► suburban culture that we were rebelling [TS]

00:27:34 ◼   ► against but yeah I would have liked to [TS]

00:27:39 ◼   ► have at the one regret I have had not [TS]

00:27:42 ◼   ► being punk [TS]

00:27:45 ◼   ► is that punk legitimately was its own [TS]

00:27:50 ◼   ► what was a subculture of my time that I [TS]

00:27:54 ◼   ► could have participated in more actively [TS]

00:27:58 ◼   ► and it would have felt like it belonged [TS]

00:27:59 ◼   ► to me over and instead i rejected punk [TS]

00:28:03 ◼   ► for a you know for a handful of valid [TS]

00:28:09 ◼   ► reasons but instead i was i was sampling [TS]

00:28:14 ◼   ► from this buffet of other American [TS]

00:28:18 ◼   ► cultures that none of them belong to me [TS]

00:28:20 ◼   ► and they were all kind of Lies and and [TS]

00:28:27 ◼   ► now and i look back at that time 80 [TS]

00:28:29 ◼   ► let's say 87 through 90 one as a time [TS]

00:28:33 ◼   ► like I just I feel a little bit ashamed [TS]

00:28:37 ◼   ► even through because I feel ashamed that [TS]

00:28:41 ◼   ► I when I went to the Grateful Dead not [TS]

00:28:44 ◼   ► that I not because of the music but [TS]

00:28:45 ◼   ► because i was i went there looking for [TS]

00:28:48 ◼   ► I wasn't looking for a party I was [TS]

00:28:51 ◼   ► looking for enlightenment and that seems [TS]

00:28:55 ◼   ► idiotic to me now [TS]

00:28:57 ◼   ► yeah i can see that i felt that way [TS]

00:29:02 ◼   ► going to see like you to in 1985 you're [TS]

00:29:08 ◼   ► looking for enlightenment a kind of [TS]

00:29:10 ◼   ► enlightenment they were they were [TS]

00:29:11 ◼   ► transcendent in a lot of ways [TS]

00:29:13 ◼   ► no I mean look at the charts dude your [TS]

00:29:15 ◼   ► beloved Phil Collins you got Whitney [TS]

00:29:17 ◼   ► Houston you got Billy ocean you got [TS]

00:29:19 ◼   ► sharda and then you got them singing [TS]

00:29:21 ◼   ► about Martin Luther King I mean it [TS]

00:29:22 ◼   ► really seemed very important to me and [TS]

00:29:24 ◼   ► their shows were very you know it was I [TS]

00:29:27 ◼   ► I'm not gonna sit here and i'm super [TS]

00:29:29 ◼   ► wise or anything now but I i think i [TS]

00:29:31 ◼   ► understand a little bit more about [TS]

00:29:32 ◼   ► stagecraft today then I then I did then [TS]

00:29:35 ◼   ► understanding stagecraft is probably [TS]

00:29:37 ◼   ► part of what allows you to enjoy the [TS]

00:29:38 ◼   ► miley cyrus thinking like oh my god [TS]

00:29:40 ◼   ► now that you're officially an old man [TS]

00:29:41 ◼   ► you're allowed to go to things go how [TS]

00:29:42 ◼   ► did they do that [TS]

00:29:44 ◼   ► that must have been expensive care about [TS]

00:29:48 ◼   ► the lawsuit [TS]

00:29:49 ◼   ► miley cyrus has a lawsuit yeah well [TS]

00:29:51 ◼   ► who's sooner [TS]

00:29:52 ◼   ► one of the guys who worked on the tongue [TS]

00:29:53 ◼   ► got injured oh bummer [TS]

00:29:57 ◼   ► all the time when the tongue builders [TS]

00:29:58 ◼   ► see my experience is so vastly different [TS]

00:30:01 ◼   ► because up and just finish the story [TS]

00:30:02 ◼   ► from an hour ago somebody you could tell [TS]

00:30:04 ◼   ► when that when that Professor was [TS]

00:30:05 ◼   ► getting really stressed out because he [TS]

00:30:07 ◼   ► started second cigarette already [TS]

00:30:10 ◼   ► everyone was still burning [TS]

00:30:11 ◼   ► yeah and a couple occasions and these [TS]

00:30:12 ◼   ► days you did now these are the days when [TS]

00:30:14 ◼   ► he said let's sit here and go through [TS]

00:30:15 ◼   ► the pile and talk about what everybody [TS]

00:30:16 ◼   ► get wrong today when he was really [TS]

00:30:18 ◼   ► stressed fact he would actually [TS]

00:30:20 ◼   ► sometimes get a third cigarette lit and [TS]

00:30:21 ◼   ► that's when you just like SAT very [TS]

00:30:22 ◼   ► quietly you can be a bad classes going [TS]

00:30:25 ◼   ► to top that is called pathetic fallacy [TS]

00:30:28 ◼   ► Rose can't have an angry for no that [TS]

00:30:30 ◼   ► doesn't make any sense literally doesn't [TS]

00:30:32 ◼   ► make any sense that was me it was me [TS]

00:30:34 ◼   ► apparently [TS]

00:30:35 ◼   ► thank you sore nose is angry throwing a [TS]

00:30:37 ◼   ► call it twice that week it was a nose as [TS]

00:30:39 ◼   ► an angry thorn it mrs. before that I [TS]

00:30:41 ◼   ► think was it [TS]

00:30:41 ◼   ► I don't even know I can't even keep [TS]

00:30:43 ◼   ► track but the thing is this school was [TS]

00:30:45 ◼   ► such a little funky petri dish it's in [TS]

00:30:47 ◼   ► sarasota florida there were five hundred [TS]

00:30:50 ◼   ► and twenty students in this entire [TS]

00:30:52 ◼   ► college when I went there everybody you [TS]

00:30:54 ◼   ► I mean I honestly set can say my [TS]

00:30:56 ◼   ► products my memory was better but I knew [TS]

00:30:58 ◼   ► at least the first name of every person [TS]

00:31:00 ◼   ► who went to the school and I had talked [TS]

00:31:02 ◼   ► to well over a majority probably eighty [TS]

00:31:05 ◼   ► percent as an RA for a year I knew [TS]

00:31:07 ◼   ► everybody and I'm barge had been yeah [TS]

00:31:09 ◼   ► everybody nobody I i went through [TS]

00:31:12 ◼   ► periods where i was barefoot for a while [TS]

00:31:13 ◼   ► it goes to a barefoot phase that's [TS]

00:31:15 ◼   ► something you could do at this school [TS]

00:31:16 ◼   ► because we were it was a total it was [TS]

00:31:19 ◼   ► this little speaking of terrariums it [TS]

00:31:20 ◼   ► really was like a terrarium like [TS]

00:31:22 ◼   ► it'sit's I hate you know it's funny to [TS]

00:31:25 ◼   ► admit even at the time I was aware of [TS]

00:31:26 ◼   ► stuff like all the campus cops were by [TS]

00:31:29 ◼   ► and large read retired New York City [TS]

00:31:32 ◼   ► police officers who moved to Florida one [TS]

00:31:34 ◼   ► of the guys have worked on a boat that [TS]

00:31:36 ◼   ► the drag the East River another guy's [TS]

00:31:38 ◼   ► been a homicide cop and they moved to [TS]

00:31:41 ◼   ► Florida retired to Sarasota and they get [TS]

00:31:42 ◼   ► all fat and they worked at this college [TS]

00:31:44 ◼   ► for essentially they protected us they [TS]

00:31:46 ◼   ► didn't bust us they would have gotten if [TS]

00:31:47 ◼   ► we are egregious and dicks they would [TS]

00:31:49 ◼   ► bust us violence they protected us from [TS]

00:31:50 ◼   ► the community and people came to these [TS]

00:31:52 ◼   ► parties who want the enlightened drug [TS]

00:31:54 ◼   ► users that we were they roll them and it [TS]

00:31:56 ◼   ► was just strange though to have four [TS]

00:31:58 ◼   ► years in that environment at that time [TS]

00:32:00 ◼   ► so think about you know it's funny to [TS]

00:32:02 ◼   ► look up Big Chill I i would have guessed [TS]

00:32:05 ◼   ► picture came out like 86 came out 1983 [TS]

00:32:08 ◼   ► yeah it's see that's what I'm saying it [TS]

00:32:09 ◼   ► was [TS]

00:32:10 ◼   ► it was the that's the beginning of that [TS]

00:32:12 ◼   ► response to new wave where I mean in 83 [TS]

00:32:18 ◼   ► those big chill characters were in their [TS]

00:32:21 ◼   ► early thirties right and they're already [TS]

00:32:23 ◼   ► like getting back to the reunion 31 [TS]

00:32:27 ◼   ► years ago that Jeff Goldblum was in a [TS]

00:32:29 ◼   ► movie 31-year well he's in Annie Hall in [TS]

00:32:31 ◼   ► what 1977 bananas but anyway I'm just [TS]

00:32:34 ◼   ► saying I know I i try to always 11 this [TS]

00:32:36 ◼   ► am I remembering that my experience is [TS]

00:32:39 ◼   ► not unique very different and it for me [TS]

00:32:41 ◼   ► it really was like that first month in [TS]

00:32:43 ◼   ► haight-ashbury before the heroine [TS]

00:32:44 ◼   ► arrived it was it was a really amazing [TS]

00:32:46 ◼   ► about and the parties on the weekends [TS]

00:32:48 ◼   ► like the mixtapes that really were a hit [TS]

00:32:50 ◼   ► would be like I white lines talking [TS]

00:32:55 ◼   ► heads arm like a scratch perry like a [TS]

00:32:59 ◼   ► reduced this crazy mix of music i had [TS]

00:33:01 ◼   ► never heard in my entire life and then [TS]

00:33:03 ◼   ► you might hear like institutionalized or [TS]

00:33:04 ◼   ► something but whichever you want to [TS]

00:33:06 ◼   ► dance too but it was a lot it was a lot [TS]

00:33:08 ◼   ► of like hippies listen to like reggae [TS]

00:33:09 ◼   ► and hip hop a lot of people from New [TS]

00:33:11 ◼   ► York that came to the school brought [TS]

00:33:13 ◼   ► along this culture with them I learned [TS]

00:33:14 ◼   ► about def jam artists around the same [TS]

00:33:17 ◼   ► time anyway it's just it's just strange [TS]

00:33:19 ◼   ► because it was I felt like that just for [TS]

00:33:21 ◼   ► that one four-year period was such a [TS]

00:33:22 ◼   ► great time for me even though is you [TS]

00:33:25 ◼   ► know tumultuous like this for anybody in [TS]

00:33:26 ◼   ► their early twenties but uh it's then I [TS]

00:33:30 ◼   ► think about what we like to go somewhere [TS]

00:33:31 ◼   ► where you just had a ton of weed all the [TS]

00:33:33 ◼   ► time like outside the terrarium and it [TS]

00:33:36 ◼   ► scares the shit out of me [TS]

00:33:37 ◼   ► well this is the thing I pardon me there [TS]

00:33:42 ◼   ► was a handful of colleges that I and I [TS]

00:33:45 ◼   ► had never heard of the new school of [TS]

00:33:47 ◼   ► sarasota florida it's really really [TS]

00:33:49 ◼   ► small [TS]

00:33:50 ◼   ► it's it sounds amazing but the ones i [TS]

00:33:53 ◼   ► was aware of a were get read read santa [TS]

00:33:57 ◼   ► cruz santa cruz Colorado College [TS]

00:33:59 ◼   ► masiello like evergreen evergreen I [TS]

00:34:05 ◼   ► never considered but the aggregators [TS]

00:34:07 ◼   ► there on the alternative colleges [TS]

00:34:09 ◼   ► yeah and then you've got the ones like [TS]

00:34:10 ◼   ► Colby at the become prettier ones that [TS]

00:34:14 ◼   ► are still kind of small but but other [TS]

00:34:18 ◼   ► like look like look like bit like [TS]

00:34:19 ◼   ► liberal liberal arts college yeah your [TS]

00:34:21 ◼   ► classic enabler [TS]

00:34:22 ◼   ► antioch and so there was this this [TS]

00:34:28 ◼   ► little constellation of schools that I [TS]

00:34:30 ◼   ► that intrigued me and I think probably [TS]

00:34:34 ◼   ► read was the one that I that I imagined [TS]

00:34:37 ◼   ► myself at the most that that's in [TS]

00:34:41 ◼   ► organization or yeah and all of those [TS]

00:34:44 ◼   ► were places where you know the [TS]

00:34:45 ◼   ► combination of smallness and [TS]

00:34:48 ◼   ► exclusiveness and they were expensive [TS]

00:34:51 ◼   ► and and they were they were places where [TS]

00:34:55 ◼   ► young people could go and really explore [TS]

00:34:57 ◼   ► and that was yet and the adults that [TS]

00:35:00 ◼   ► were in charge felt like that was kind [TS]

00:35:02 ◼   ► of their mandate like where this is a [TS]

00:35:04 ◼   ► place for young people to explode but [TS]

00:35:07 ◼   ► all those places were outside of my i [TS]

00:35:09 ◼   ► could not reach them and so I was then [TS]

00:35:14 ◼   ► in the I was basically like out in the [TS]

00:35:18 ◼   ► world i mean gonzaga university was also [TS]

00:35:22 ◼   ► small but was not a I mean what-what [TS]

00:35:24 ◼   ► Gonzaga was was a place for young [TS]

00:35:27 ◼   ► Catholic people to meet each other and [TS]

00:35:29 ◼   ► get married before they graduate [TS]

00:35:32 ◼   ► however remind me how Jesuit the Jesuit [TS]

00:35:35 ◼   ► part of the school is it was mostly just [TS]

00:35:38 ◼   ► going through the motions or where you [TS]

00:35:39 ◼   ► expected to be a person of faith [TS]

00:35:41 ◼   ► no no I think that I think that the to [TS]

00:35:44 ◼   ► compromise the judgment colleges make [TS]

00:35:46 ◼   ► and that that I think all Catholic [TS]

00:35:49 ◼   ► colleges make is that adults Catholicism [TS]

00:35:54 ◼   ► is is widespread and diverse enough that [TS]

00:35:57 ◼   ► you're always going to have half the [TS]

00:35:59 ◼   ► population are just sort of affluent [TS]

00:36:02 ◼   ► practicing Catholics but not real [TS]

00:36:07 ◼   ► thumpers about it who you know what I'm [TS]

00:36:12 ◼   ► going to a conservative Christian [TS]

00:36:13 ◼   ► University not at all what I got a [TS]

00:36:15 ◼   ► mandate a reason for being there because [TS]

00:36:17 ◼   ► of that one thing [TS]

00:36:18 ◼   ► yeah if you want to be that if you want [TS]

00:36:20 ◼   ► to go to Notre Dame and be be a real [TS]

00:36:23 ◼   ► grind and spend all day in chapel there [TS]

00:36:26 ◼   ► certainly happy to a comedy but those [TS]

00:36:29 ◼   ► places are really a place to learn to [TS]

00:36:31 ◼   ► drink [TS]

00:36:33 ◼   ► in an adult way you know like you years [TS]

00:36:36 ◼   ► to learn to be a polite wealthy [TS]

00:36:38 ◼   ► alcoholic and and to meet and marry a [TS]

00:36:44 ◼   ► respectable member of your same order [TS]

00:36:50 ◼   ► right i mean this is where this is where [TS]

00:36:53 ◼   ► you send your kid to find that to find a [TS]

00:36:55 ◼   ► mate who is up your same creed and you [TS]

00:37:00 ◼   ► know and obviously get a good education [TS]

00:37:01 ◼   ► like pretty quick modification right [TS]

00:37:04 ◼   ► because it's probably somebody Catholic [TS]

00:37:05 ◼   ► it's gonna be his family some of his [TS]

00:37:07 ◼   ► family is enough money to go to [TS]

00:37:08 ◼   ► university and I mean it's got its got [TS]

00:37:10 ◼   ► it built in Catholic and respectable and [TS]

00:37:12 ◼   ► prosperous yes and but there's no so [TS]

00:37:16 ◼   ► that the Jesuit component Gonzaga yeah [TS]

00:37:18 ◼   ► there was a house where the judgments [TS]

00:37:19 ◼   ► lived in a lot of them taught the [TS]

00:37:21 ◼   ► classes but the judgments are going to [TS]

00:37:23 ◼   ► their own internal mean they're having [TS]

00:37:26 ◼   ► relationships with each other that are [TS]

00:37:27 ◼   ► that are their primary relationships you [TS]

00:37:30 ◼   ► know where they're related there on her [TS]

00:37:31 ◼   ► on-again off-again relationship with God [TS]

00:37:33 ◼   ► or whatever so there wasn't a sense at [TS]

00:37:37 ◼   ► Gonzaga like here we are here if this is [TS]

00:37:41 ◼   ► a giant sandbox where the where we're [TS]

00:37:43 ◼   ► going to let these kids like discover [TS]

00:37:45 ◼   ► the world if you wanted to discover the [TS]

00:37:47 ◼   ► world they had they had God there that [TS]

00:37:52 ◼   ► that that was you know that was [TS]

00:37:55 ◼   ► available if you were philosophical but [TS]

00:37:57 ◼   ► if you weren't philosophical there was [TS]

00:37:59 ◼   ► no you it's a warning courage to be [TS]

00:38:02 ◼   ► philosophical you know the basketball [TS]

00:38:04 ◼   ► team was what was what [TS]

00:38:07 ◼   ► most of the students cared about but I [TS]

00:38:11 ◼   ► think that was probably an experience [TS]

00:38:13 ◼   ► that was that was common to every small [TS]

00:38:16 ◼   ► college in America at the time which is [TS]

00:38:18 ◼   ► that that I was looking for [TS]

00:38:22 ◼   ► I was looking for a an experience like [TS]

00:38:25 ◼   ► the one you're describing it at newcomb [TS]

00:38:28 ◼   ► new school college and [TS]

00:38:32 ◼   ► and you know and making it for myself [TS]

00:38:34 ◼   ► with a small group of friends out of [TS]

00:38:36 ◼   ► whatever like pieces we could find and [TS]

00:38:39 ◼   ► usually what that meant was we all [TS]

00:38:40 ◼   ► climbed into a car and we drove down to [TS]

00:38:43 ◼   ► riverfront park in Spokane and found [TS]

00:38:45 ◼   ► some guy on the street that was selling [TS]

00:38:47 ◼   ► acid and half the time it was just paper [TS]

00:38:50 ◼   ► dipped in Arsenic and half the time it [TS]

00:38:53 ◼   ► was like the most amazing acid you ever [TS]

00:38:55 ◼   ► had in your life and how the hell did [TS]

00:38:56 ◼   ► they add about some guy and the street [TS]

00:38:58 ◼   ► in spokane have this stuff and then we [TS]

00:39:00 ◼   ► would go uh you know take acid and go [TS]

00:39:04 ◼   ► sit by the river and watch the water and [TS]

00:39:07 ◼   ► think to ourselves [TS]

00:39:10 ◼   ► whoa we are we are changing we are no [TS]

00:39:17 ◼   ► we're not just it changing internally [TS]

00:39:19 ◼   ► but we are some somehow through this [TS]

00:39:22 ◼   ► process we are going to make the world a [TS]

00:39:24 ◼   ► better place I don't know how we're not [TS]

00:39:26 ◼   ► doing anything but taking drugs but [TS]

00:39:29 ◼   ► somehow that is supposed to make the [TS]

00:39:31 ◼   ► world better raising consciousness right [TS]

00:39:34 ◼   ► somehow my my personal consciousness [TS]

00:39:36 ◼   ► being changed is is an act of resistance [TS]

00:39:40 ◼   ► and an active pull its political [TS]

00:39:42 ◼   ► activism and you know in fact is right [TS]

00:39:46 ◼   ► it's really passes certain that certain [TS]

00:39:49 ◼   ► very brief threshold it's none of those [TS]

00:39:52 ◼   ► things but but I didn't have a you know [TS]

00:39:56 ◼   ► what it was I didn't have a god [TS]

00:39:58 ◼   ► the only guide the only mentor i had was [TS]

00:40:04 ◼   ► like I think most people was television [TS]

00:40:08 ◼   ► or mass culture and and trying to trying [TS]

00:40:13 ◼   ► to figure out what the hell what trying [TS]

00:40:15 ◼   ► to understand what counterculture was [TS]

00:40:18 ◼   ► just by watching its reflection in the [TS]

00:40:22 ◼   ► the glasses of mass culture [TS]

00:40:25 ◼   ► you know what I mean I think so that [TS]

00:40:28 ◼   ► your it was from a from a certain remove [TS]

00:40:30 ◼   ► or like almost like almost through [TS]

00:40:32 ◼   ► translation you're trying to find [TS]

00:40:33 ◼   ► something authentic and you're watching [TS]

00:40:36 ◼   ► the shadows on the cave wall sort of [TS]

00:40:38 ◼   ► exactly yeah there wasn't a like if I [TS]

00:40:42 ◼   ► had ever met a 30-year old punk rocker [TS]

00:40:47 ◼   ► who said hey man I know that this seems [TS]

00:40:50 ◼   ► really stupid to you but there's more to [TS]

00:40:53 ◼   ► it than that come with me and let me [TS]

00:40:56 ◼   ► show you a couple of things you know I [TS]

00:40:58 ◼   ► it but it but he wouldn't have had to [TS]

00:41:00 ◼   ► have been a punk rocker if I never met a [TS]

00:41:01 ◼   ► thirty-year-old anything could be [TS]

00:41:03 ◼   ► somebody who runs a video store it could [TS]

00:41:05 ◼   ► have been somebody who runs a video [TS]

00:41:06 ◼   ► store that can be of that can be a real [TS]

00:41:08 ◼   ► like life chain in a small way real life [TS]

00:41:11 ◼   ► changing experience i'm gonna say hey go [TS]

00:41:12 ◼   ► to check out the century you know it's [TS]

00:41:14 ◼   ► in French you gotta read but like it's [TS]

00:41:16 ◼   ► you're gonna learn some stuff here but i [TS]

00:41:18 ◼   ► never had that [TS]

00:41:19 ◼   ► no I never met and I think some of it is [TS]

00:41:22 ◼   ► luck of the draw and some of it I think [TS]

00:41:23 ◼   ► maybe is that maybe I was personally [TS]

00:41:26 ◼   ► unappealing to 30 year olds when I was [TS]

00:41:29 ◼   ► 20 but to whatever degree that that [TS]

00:41:33 ◼   ► gesture of taking a young person under [TS]

00:41:35 ◼   ► your wing even for a moment and saying [TS]

00:41:38 ◼   ► like hey i see where you are let me let [TS]

00:41:41 ◼   ► me give you like let me read this book [TS]

00:41:44 ◼   ► or whatever the the only exchanges like [TS]

00:41:48 ◼   ► that I was having were either with peers [TS]

00:41:50 ◼   ► or with much much older adults but [TS]

00:41:53 ◼   ► nobody that was helping initiate me into [TS]

00:41:56 ◼   ► the the simultaneous culture that's [TS]

00:42:02 ◼   ► happening beneath and beside the visible [TS]

00:42:06 ◼   ► culture and it took meal [TS]

00:42:09 ◼   ► it took me many years 22 when my way [TS]

00:42:13 ◼   ► through those corridors and find myself [TS]

00:42:15 ◼   ► and and feel like a member of it myself [TS]

00:42:18 ◼   ► that's really interesting to hear you [TS]

00:42:19 ◼   ► say that because it's [TS]

00:42:22 ◼   ► I think so [TS]

00:42:27 ◼   ► can you understand then you can look at [TS]

00:42:29 ◼   ► something like punk rockers or people [TS]

00:42:31 ◼   ► who like neway films but can't you on [TS]

00:42:34 ◼   ► some level also look at somebody who [TS]

00:42:36 ◼   ► goes to like a Midwestern christian [TS]

00:42:38 ◼   ► church and understand that it isn't just [TS]

00:42:40 ◼   ► that they believe in the wizard in the [TS]

00:42:41 ◼   ► sky there is an element of community to [TS]

00:42:43 ◼   ► it [TS]

00:42:43 ◼   ► for example i think that's what's common [TS]

00:42:45 ◼   ► to all of these things is you finally [TS]

00:42:47 ◼   ► found a place where you don't feel like [TS]

00:42:48 ◼   ► an outsider for a little while and you [TS]

00:42:50 ◼   ► found somebody who and it's so much as [TS]

00:42:53 ◼   ► to timing that's the other part where [TS]

00:42:54 ◼   ► you talk about a 30 year old person [TS]

00:42:55 ◼   ► however person I mean you know you you [TS]

00:42:57 ◼   ► in order to be a good teacher one of the [TS]

00:42:59 ◼   ► basic tenets of expertise is [TS]

00:43:01 ◼   ► understanding that in order to be a good [TS]

00:43:03 ◼   ► teacher you have to understand the [TS]

00:43:04 ◼   ► material extremely well but you also [TS]

00:43:06 ◼   ► have to understand the level of [TS]

00:43:07 ◼   ► expertise of the person you're talking [TS]

00:43:08 ◼   ► to otherwise it's pointless right if [TS]

00:43:10 ◼   ► you're the greatest calculus teacher in [TS]

00:43:12 ◼   ► the world you it's you're going to have [TS]

00:43:15 ◼   ► to modulate what you know to talk to the [TS]

00:43:17 ◼   ► three-year-old and it's it's unusual to [TS]

00:43:20 ◼   ► find I think it's unusual unless you're [TS]

00:43:23 ◼   ► like Forrest Gump it's kind of unusual [TS]

00:43:25 ◼   ► to meet more than a handful of people in [TS]

00:43:27 ◼   ► your young adulthood who hit you at the [TS]

00:43:29 ◼   ► right time with the right message to [TS]

00:43:31 ◼   ► help you understand something that used [TS]

00:43:32 ◼   ► to seem really opaque [TS]

00:43:34 ◼   ► yeah so I mean and that's when things [TS]

00:43:37 ◼   ► like the the punk rocker whatever I mean [TS]

00:43:39 ◼   ► there's a lot of people look at the [TS]

00:43:40 ◼   ► castro the castro is not just about [TS]

00:43:42 ◼   ► intercourse [TS]

00:43:43 ◼   ► it's about a place where people came for [TS]

00:43:45 ◼   ► the first time in their life and felt [TS]

00:43:46 ◼   ► like they weren't an outcast and that [TS]

00:43:48 ◼   ► there was somebody else in the entire [TS]

00:43:49 ◼   ► fucking world that was more like them [TS]

00:43:51 ◼   ► than not like them the first time if you [TS]

00:43:54 ◼   ► came here from not to be disparaging but [TS]

00:43:55 ◼   ► if you came here from you know from [TS]

00:43:56 ◼   ► Missouri or something you probably had [TS]

00:43:58 ◼   ► not met a really super out guy who like [TS]

00:44:01 ◼   ► dance on a parade float and was proud of [TS]

00:44:04 ◼   ► it [TS]

00:44:04 ◼   ► are you being this Virginia goods [TS]

00:44:06 ◼   ► Missourians Oh or yes [TS]

00:44:09 ◼   ► Castro I was theoretically sliding [TS]

00:44:11 ◼   ► misery for its lack of dancing floating [TS]

00:44:14 ◼   ► Missouri but that's but since like I can [TS]

00:44:17 ◼   ► think of these people specific people [TS]

00:44:19 ◼   ► somebody who maybe a tape that I meant [TS]

00:44:20 ◼   ► like you know a couple times and gave me [TS]

00:44:22 ◼   ► a tape of musical change my life for [TS]

00:44:23 ◼   ► people like I went out to dinner with a [TS]

00:44:24 ◼   ► couple times friends and my moms who [TS]

00:44:26 ◼   ► were a little younger that just do all [TS]

00:44:27 ◼   ► kinds of stuff about No Wave music and [TS]

00:44:30 ◼   ► it's like I had no idea what they're [TS]

00:44:31 ◼   ► talking about but it was a base they [TS]

00:44:33 ◼   ► were so cool and they were so [TS]

00:44:35 ◼   ► nice and they didn't talk down to me and [TS]

00:44:37 ◼   ► they treated me like a pier and they [TS]

00:44:39 ◼   ► made me feel like there is something [TS]

00:44:41 ◼   ► understandable in this in this opaque [TS]

00:44:43 ◼   ► culture and the problem pacity is the [TS]

00:44:45 ◼   ► capacity reads as danger to most of us [TS]

00:44:48 ◼   ► and sometimes extremely good reasons but [TS]

00:44:50 ◼   ► anytime there's something out there [TS]

00:44:51 ◼   ► whether something lot of people into or [TS]

00:44:53 ◼   ► not many people are into I think if we [TS]

00:44:55 ◼   ► don't immediately groc it's not unusual [TS]

00:44:57 ◼   ► to go like oh that's not for me [TS]

00:44:58 ◼   ► that's weird that's dangerous that's too [TS]

00:45:00 ◼   ► mainstream that's whatever but it's it's [TS]

00:45:02 ◼   ► just I feel you know I feel blast i [TS]

00:45:05 ◼   ► guess to have been to have people come [TS]

00:45:07 ◼   ► across my path where i wish i had more [TS]

00:45:09 ◼   ► of them and I want to be that person [TS]

00:45:11 ◼   ► somebody without being an asshole [TS]

00:45:12 ◼   ► without going on here listen to Pixies [TS]

00:45:13 ◼   ► like you no no that's okay i got playing [TS]

00:45:15 ◼   ► music I'm good but you know necessarily [TS]

00:45:18 ◼   ► really really good [TS]

00:45:20 ◼   ► well I i think you were blessed and you [TS]

00:45:25 ◼   ► know i'm i'm i'm reflecting now I'm who [TS]

00:45:29 ◼   ► one time I i had ihop adopt afraid to an [TS]

00:45:36 ◼   ► ad got off in Missoula and I'd made a [TS]

00:45:40 ◼   ► mistake the the train pulled into [TS]

00:45:43 ◼   ► Missoula and stopped and it SAT there [TS]

00:45:47 ◼   ► and i'm sitting on the train and I'm you [TS]

00:45:50 ◼   ► know I didn't understand how freight [TS]

00:45:53 ◼   ► trains worked at this point yet and so [TS]

00:45:58 ◼   ► I'm sitting in various with pitching [TS]

00:46:00 ◼   ► your tent in a dump [TS]

00:46:02 ◼   ► no this is after that ok after laughter [TS]

00:46:05 ◼   ► I'm learning [TS]

00:46:06 ◼   ► I mean I'm now I'm now successfully [TS]

00:46:08 ◼   ► choosing freights that are going where I [TS]

00:46:10 ◼   ► want them to go and i'm able to pick the [TS]

00:46:13 ◼   ► train knowing its destination or having [TS]

00:46:17 ◼   ► a general sense of its destination and [TS]

00:46:19 ◼   ► get on it you know in more or less safe [TS]

00:46:22 ◼   ► way [TS]

00:46:23 ◼   ► but this so the train comes to Missoula [TS]

00:46:25 ◼   ► and it just sits and sits here in the [TS]

00:46:27 ◼   ► yard and sit here for 10 minutes to 24 [TS]

00:46:29 ◼   ► 12 minutes and my my brain starts [TS]

00:46:34 ◼   ► turning and I'm like oh I must have [TS]

00:46:39 ◼   ► gotten on the wrong train this train was [TS]

00:46:40 ◼   ► just going to Missoula and now it's done [TS]

00:46:42 ◼   ► and it's a i'm sitting here in the hot [TS]

00:46:46 ◼   ► Sun cowering hidden you know in this on [TS]

00:46:51 ◼   ► this flat car full of beams or whatever [TS]

00:46:54 ◼   ► it is and I should I i guess i should [TS]

00:46:59 ◼   ► get off this train and find a better [TS]

00:47:00 ◼   ► trainer or you know I was still I was [TS]

00:47:03 ◼   ► still too i have my I was more anxious [TS]

00:47:08 ◼   ► than I was knowledgeable so I jumped [TS]

00:47:11 ◼   ► down off of the train and I you know I [TS]

00:47:14 ◼   ► kind of run across the yard to to find [TS]

00:47:16 ◼   ► some shelter find some shade and then [TS]

00:47:19 ◼   ► immediately the train that I was on [TS]

00:47:20 ◼   ► starts moving and pulls out and heads [TS]

00:47:24 ◼   ► off to denver wherever i was i was [TS]

00:47:27 ◼   ► trying to go and I was like fuck you [TS]

00:47:31 ◼   ► know like there goes see you later like [TS]

00:47:33 ◼   ► if I just stayed on it for another two [TS]

00:47:35 ◼   ► minutes I would be out of here and on my [TS]

00:47:39 ◼   ► way and now i'm stuck in Missoula and I [TS]

00:47:41 ◼   ► got to go through this whole process of [TS]

00:47:43 ◼   ► finding another train and getting out of [TS]

00:47:45 ◼   ► here again so I walk into town and i [TS]

00:47:49 ◼   ► know i know somebody at the college you [TS]

00:47:52 ◼   ► mean I know you know I knew somebody [TS]

00:47:53 ◼   ► that was going to school there and so I [TS]

00:47:54 ◼   ► walk over them like kind of doing that [TS]

00:47:57 ◼   ► thing that I would do it when I would be [TS]

00:47:59 ◼   ► in a strange town I'd go to a first [TS]

00:48:01 ◼   ► thing I do is go to college and try and [TS]

00:48:05 ◼   ► find the common area the dining hall or [TS]

00:48:08 ◼   ► the student center and I would just go [TS]

00:48:11 ◼   ► find a couch there and took my bag [TS]

00:48:15 ◼   ► behind the chair and just kind of sit [TS]

00:48:16 ◼   ► and wait for something to happen and [TS]

00:48:18 ◼   ► more often than not something did you [TS]

00:48:20 ◼   ► know more often than not somebody would [TS]

00:48:21 ◼   ► come along and say [TS]

00:48:23 ◼   ► can I help you and I would say oh yeah [TS]

00:48:25 ◼   ► i'm looking for this person and I swear [TS]

00:48:27 ◼   ► to you eighty-five percent of the time [TS]

00:48:29 ◼   ► no matter where i was even at Rutgers [TS]

00:48:31 ◼   ► somebody would say that person the [TS]

00:48:34 ◼   ► person the first person to walk up to me [TS]

00:48:35 ◼   ► would say oh yeah I know them come with [TS]

00:48:38 ◼   ► me and if they didn't know who I was [TS]

00:48:41 ◼   ► looking for they would say oh let me ask [TS]

00:48:42 ◼   ► this guy and the the next guy would know [TS]

00:48:45 ◼   ► anyway i'm sitting in the lobby sitting [TS]

00:48:48 ◼   ► in the student center and university of [TS]

00:48:50 ◼   ► montana and this guy comes over and sits [TS]

00:48:52 ◼   ► down next to me and he's like hey how's [TS]

00:48:54 ◼   ► it going I'm like good and right away he [TS]

00:48:57 ◼   ► starts talking about Jesus and I've been [TS]

00:49:02 ◼   ► through it a thousand times already you [TS]

00:49:05 ◼   ► know I don't I've been through every [TS]

00:49:07 ◼   ► process the process of like I'm actually [TS]

00:49:09 ◼   ► going to sit and talk to this guy about [TS]

00:49:10 ◼   ► Jesus or I'm gonna I'm gonna beat this [TS]

00:49:13 ◼   ► guy and act like a dummy and have fun [TS]

00:49:16 ◼   ► with him or I'm gonna tell him to fuck [TS]

00:49:18 ◼   ► off you know I'd i had i done everything [TS]

00:49:22 ◼   ► that a young person could do and and now [TS]

00:49:26 ◼   ► I was just in a place where it's like I [TS]

00:49:27 ◼   ► don't have a strategy with this guy and [TS]

00:49:31 ◼   ► frankly I'm I've been tired and I'm kind [TS]

00:49:36 ◼   ► of feeling a little bit lost and so I'm [TS]

00:49:38 ◼   ► just gonna I'm just gonna talk to this [TS]

00:49:40 ◼   ► kind of just going to engage him just as [TS]

00:49:42 ◼   ► a human being I'm not going to try and [TS]

00:49:43 ◼   ► I'm not going to try and like it mind [TS]

00:49:47 ◼   ► met mind-meld or mindfuck with this guy [TS]

00:49:50 ◼   ► here and so we sit in the student center [TS]

00:49:53 ◼   ► and he's he is he's talking to me about [TS]

00:49:55 ◼   ► Jesus and there's this is simultaneous [TS]

00:49:59 ◼   ► narrative in my head where I'm asking [TS]

00:50:02 ◼   ► myself are you vulnerable right now to [TS]

00:50:05 ◼   ► this like what would happen if you just [TS]

00:50:09 ◼   ► said if you just abandoned your cynicism [TS]

00:50:12 ◼   ► and just and just went with Jesus like [TS]

00:50:16 ◼   ► what would that feel like and and i was [TS]

00:50:21 ◼   ► i was conscious of being able to [TS]

00:50:27 ◼   ► make that choice you know like at the [TS]

00:50:30 ◼   ► end up to that point my history as a as [TS]

00:50:34 ◼   ► a child of my own parents my history as [TS]

00:50:37 ◼   ► a kind of inhabiting the identity that i [TS]

00:50:41 ◼   ► had spent my whole life building at all [TS]

00:50:43 ◼   ► would have always prevented me from [TS]

00:50:44 ◼   ► being able to take somebody like that [TS]

00:50:47 ◼   ► seriously but I was sitting there and [TS]

00:50:50 ◼   ► you know and of course your app also [TS]

00:50:52 ◼   ► asking yourself the questions based on [TS]

00:50:56 ◼   ► their received narrative like is this [TS]

00:50:59 ◼   ► what it means to have your heart opened [TS]

00:51:01 ◼   ► is this what it feels like when God [TS]

00:51:05 ◼   ► touches you and opens your heart because [TS]

00:51:09 ◼   ► I am feeling as i'm doing as disposed to [TS]

00:51:14 ◼   ► this philosophy as I am to any [TS]

00:51:16 ◼   ► philosophy right now and you know I had [TS]

00:51:20 ◼   ► a very nice couple of hours with this [TS]

00:51:24 ◼   ► guy where he was really excited about [TS]

00:51:27 ◼   ► his faith and I was just as it seems [TS]

00:51:33 ◼   ► reasonable to me as anything and and I [TS]

00:51:43 ◼   ► and i spent probably six months after [TS]

00:51:45 ◼   ► that walking around going still feeling [TS]

00:51:50 ◼   ► like Christianity was a cult but [TS]

00:51:53 ◼   ► wondering whether or not I was like a [TS]

00:51:55 ◼   ► cult maybe a potential cult member like [TS]

00:51:58 ◼   ► maybe maybe this is what I should do [TS]

00:52:01 ◼   ► maybe this is God speaking to me what [TS]

00:52:03 ◼   ► was it well if you say what was it about [TS]

00:52:04 ◼   ► that particular exchange or your state [TS]

00:52:07 ◼   ► of mind or whatever [TS]

00:52:09 ◼   ► indeed and it wasn't just a simple as [TS]

00:52:11 ◼   ► like he hacked in with the magic phrase [TS]

00:52:12 ◼   ► there was what was it about the [TS]

00:52:14 ◼   ► particular time that made that resonate [TS]

00:52:15 ◼   ► with you i think it was that I i was [TS]

00:52:22 ◼   ► very starved for meaning and and had [TS]

00:52:29 ◼   ► been for years and and had sought [TS]

00:52:33 ◼   ► meaning everywhere i went and had found [TS]

00:52:37 ◼   ► none like the philosophies of all the [TS]

00:52:47 ◼   ► people i admired and none of them none [TS]

00:52:53 ◼   ► of them were revealed to be really [TS]

00:52:56 ◼   ► philosophies at all they were just they [TS]

00:52:59 ◼   ► were faking until they made it or their [TS]

00:53:01 ◼   ► philosophy was to general there wasn't [TS]

00:53:05 ◼   ► there did not appear to be any meaning [TS]

00:53:07 ◼   ► and and I think the idea when i was a [TS]

00:53:12 ◼   ► teen and in my early twenties was that [TS]

00:53:14 ◼   ► there was meaning and it was [TS]

00:53:16 ◼   ► discoverable and it was just hidden from [TS]

00:53:18 ◼   ► us because we couldn't handle it or we [TS]

00:53:21 ◼   ► weren't smart enough to detect it and [TS]

00:53:26 ◼   ► that you know at a certain point it was [TS]

00:53:28 ◼   ► like there doesn't appear to be any [TS]

00:53:30 ◼   ► meaning it isn't a question of there [TS]

00:53:33 ◼   ► being a plan that we aren't [TS]

00:53:36 ◼   ► that we don't see it's a it is really [TS]

00:53:40 ◼   ► just that every one of us is doing their [TS]

00:53:42 ◼   ► own thing and and it only looks like a [TS]

00:53:46 ◼   ► plan later and I didn't want that I [TS]

00:53:50 ◼   ► really didn't I wanted there to be a [TS]

00:53:52 ◼   ► secret and I wanted to be both smart [TS]

00:53:58 ◼   ► enough and also creative enough or smart [TS]

00:54:01 ◼   ► enough and also sensitive enough to be [TS]

00:54:04 ◼   ► the person that discovered it or was [TS]

00:54:07 ◼   ► capable of hearing it and and knowing it [TS]

00:54:09 ◼   ► and so at that at that moment and for a [TS]

00:54:15 ◼   ► while after that I was just like I was [TS]

00:54:19 ◼   ► open to people that open to people [TS]

00:54:24 ◼   ► proselytizing what I had already [TS]

00:54:26 ◼   ► rejected i gave it a new hearing and [TS]

00:54:32 ◼   ► that was the last that was the last time [TS]

00:54:35 ◼   ► I considered that there was really a [TS]

00:54:38 ◼   ► plan and when I went when I came out the [TS]

00:54:45 ◼   ► other side of that and I mean I would [TS]

00:54:47 ◼   ► have felt very vulnerable i felt like it [TS]

00:54:49 ◼   ► if one more person had come up to me and [TS]

00:54:51 ◼   ► put their arms around my shoulder and [TS]

00:54:53 ◼   ► said and had seemed smart and funny and [TS]

00:54:57 ◼   ► gentle that I would have said you know I [TS]

00:55:01 ◼   ► like the other option for me tonight is [TS]

00:55:04 ◼   ► sleeping in a boxcar so right yeah i'll [TS]

00:55:08 ◼   ► come have outcome have a re-creation of [TS]

00:55:11 ◼   ► dinner with you but on the other side of [TS]

00:55:15 ◼   ► that I never I never again really [TS]

00:55:17 ◼   ► believe that there was that that that [TS]

00:55:21 ◼   ► there was any kind of orchestration to [TS]

00:55:25 ◼   ► life [TS]

00:55:27 ◼   ► um it edit and and I don't think I was [TS]

00:55:31 ◼   ► ever vulnerable again to being [TS]

00:55:35 ◼   ► brought into a fold or or accepting a [TS]

00:55:41 ◼   ► doctrine I guess yeah yeah you seem [TS]

00:55:47 ◼   ► disinclined to give yourself over to [TS]

00:55:52 ◼   ► most things in general but especially [TS]

00:55:54 ◼   ► two things where you are so i can't [TS]

00:55:58 ◼   ► speak for you to speak for yourself but [TS]

00:55:59 ◼   ► it seems like you're disinclined to go [TS]

00:56:00 ◼   ► into things we expected to check out [TS]

00:56:02 ◼   ► it'll actually stop asking questions and [TS]

00:56:04 ◼   ► be a good German well that's something [TS]

00:56:05 ◼   ► even if I had done I don't know how I [TS]

00:56:08 ◼   ► would I don't know at the end of that [TS]

00:56:09 ◼   ► three-day weekend where I would have [TS]

00:56:11 ◼   ► been I don't think I don't think there's [TS]

00:56:12 ◼   ► ever there there's no narrative I i [TS]

00:56:15 ◼   ► might be SuperDuper 10 times more [TS]

00:56:17 ◼   ► disappointed i mean you might have you [TS]

00:56:20 ◼   ► might have been enraged because you [TS]

00:56:22 ◼   ► might have realized something that was [TS]

00:56:23 ◼   ► basically fundamentally hypocritical or [TS]

00:56:26 ◼   ► something about it that you needed to [TS]

00:56:29 ◼   ► get a little bit closer to the center to [TS]

00:56:30 ◼   ► to be able to see it [TS]

00:56:32 ◼   ► well that's what happened to me with [TS]

00:56:33 ◼   ► working in nonprofits you know I went [TS]

00:56:36 ◼   ► back east on that same trip and ended up [TS]

00:56:40 ◼   ► getting a job working at the National [TS]

00:56:43 ◼   ► Environmental Law Center which was a [TS]

00:56:46 ◼   ► ralph nader organization kind of [TS]

00:56:49 ◼   ► connected to the public interest [TS]

00:56:51 ◼   ► research group and I spent four months [TS]

00:56:55 ◼   ► really really really engaged in the in [TS]

00:56:59 ◼   ► the idea that you could that there were [TS]

00:57:03 ◼   ► liberal organizations that that were [TS]

00:57:09 ◼   ► paying for lobbyists and that lobbying [TS]

00:57:12 ◼   ► the government for liberal causes was [TS]

00:57:15 ◼   ► God's work you know that that was yes a [TS]

00:57:19 ◼   ► way to throw yourself upon the gears in [TS]

00:57:21 ◼   ► some ways right [TS]

00:57:22 ◼   ► I mean you really put your money where [TS]

00:57:23 ◼   ► your mouth is he to get out there and [TS]

00:57:25 ◼   ► actually do that and before step for [TS]

00:57:27 ◼   ► people who don't agree with you that's a [TS]

00:57:29 ◼   ► big stones it was and it was it and and [TS]

00:57:32 ◼   ► I was successful at it and and i was [TS]

00:57:34 ◼   ► promoted within the organization and I [TS]

00:57:37 ◼   ► got up to the point where [TS]

00:57:39 ◼   ► I I realized a that the people who were [TS]

00:57:44 ◼   ► really running this organization were [TS]

00:57:47 ◼   ► all young lawyers from ivy league [TS]

00:57:49 ◼   ► schools and I was 21 and they were all [TS]

00:57:54 ◼   ► probably 27 but they were you know yay [TS]

00:57:59 ◼   ► Lee's and they believed they knew what [TS]

00:58:05 ◼   ► was right and they believed they knew [TS]

00:58:06 ◼   ► what what they had to do and they were [TS]

00:58:12 ◼   ► working within the system and I felt a [TS]

00:58:15 ◼   ► certain amount of class resentment [TS]

00:58:16 ◼   ► because there was a although we although [TS]

00:58:21 ◼   ► they were older than I was [TS]

00:58:22 ◼   ► they weren't that much older than I was [TS]

00:58:24 ◼   ► once you can afford to work at those [TS]

00:58:25 ◼   ► places are often to use it and unkind [TS]

00:58:28 ◼   ► phrase trustafarians yeah the people who [TS]

00:58:30 ◼   ► can afford to make you know [TS]

00:58:32 ◼   ► twelve-thousand dollars a year working [TS]

00:58:34 ◼   ► 60 hours a week are not people with [TS]

00:58:37 ◼   ► college loans to pay ya right there with [TS]

00:58:39 ◼   ► it with a year law degree but they were [TS]

00:58:41 ◼   ► yeah exactly they were they were smart [TS]

00:58:43 ◼   ► they were beautiful they were rich and [TS]

00:58:46 ◼   ► they were politically on the right side [TS]

00:58:49 ◼   ► and they were devoted to the cause like [TS]

00:58:52 ◼   ► all of that is very very appealing from [TS]

00:58:56 ◼   ► a distance you know I imagine that that [TS]

00:58:58 ◼   ► is what like Roman and hanging out with [TS]

00:59:03 ◼   ► ronan farrow looks like all it takes all [TS]

00:59:08 ◼   ► the boxes and the fact that they were [TS]

00:59:11 ◼   ► born on third and thought they had a [TS]

00:59:13 ◼   ► triple that they're also liberal enough [TS]

00:59:16 ◼   ► to know that analogy and to use it [TS]

00:59:19 ◼   ► against themselves but still that but [TS]

00:59:22 ◼   ► they still believe that they had a [TS]

00:59:23 ◼   ► triple but but sitting there within that [TS]

00:59:26 ◼   ► organization and and and i was in a [TS]

00:59:29 ◼   ► position where I started asking [TS]

00:59:31 ◼   ► I up where I was conscious of the money [TS]

00:59:34 ◼   ► we were raising and I started asking [TS]

00:59:36 ◼   ► where the money went and I wasn't in a I [TS]

00:59:41 ◼   ► wasn't a real position to see like nuts [TS]

00:59:45 ◼   ► and bolts where the money went [TS]

00:59:47 ◼   ► but we were raising a lot of money [TS]

00:59:50 ◼   ► and we were raising it because we we [TS]

00:59:53 ◼   ► were raising it by saying to people buy [TS]

00:59:54 ◼   ► into sending this army of Canvassers out [TS]

00:59:57 ◼   ► saying to be knocking on people's doors [TS]

00:59:58 ◼   ► and saying [TS]

00:59:58 ◼   ► and saying [TS]

01:00:00 ◼   ► the Clean Air Act is under assault we [TS]

01:00:03 ◼   ► need your help [TS]

01:00:04 ◼   ► and here's where your money is going to [TS]

01:00:05 ◼   ► go it's going to help to to pass this [TS]

01:00:08 ◼   ► legislation to support the Clean Air Act [TS]

01:00:10 ◼   ► to support the Clean Water Act we're [TS]

01:00:13 ◼   ► raising a ton of money and then what [TS]

01:00:17 ◼   ► that meant was what that money all got [TS]

01:00:19 ◼   ► put into a undifferentiated pot there [TS]

01:00:23 ◼   ► was no like the money that this person [TS]

01:00:25 ◼   ► raised about the Clean Water Act and the [TS]

01:00:27 ◼   ► money that this person raised about the [TS]

01:00:29 ◼   ► Voting Rights Act or whatever it all [TS]

01:00:30 ◼   ► went into the same pot there was no it [TS]

01:00:33 ◼   ► was not targeted money and then from [TS]

01:00:37 ◼   ► that pot what they did was pay lawyers [TS]

01:00:40 ◼   ► and lobbyists and lawyers and lobbyists [TS]

01:00:45 ◼   ► took congressman out to dinner and [TS]

01:00:50 ◼   ► lobbied them and the the disconnect [TS]

01:00:59 ◼   ► between the righteousness of those kids [TS]

01:01:02 ◼   ► on the street who were going [TS]

01:01:04 ◼   ► door-to-door and like you've gotta help [TS]

01:01:06 ◼   ► please Mr and Mrs America right a [TS]

01:01:09 ◼   ► fifty-dollar check we need your help and [TS]

01:01:13 ◼   ► then the ragamuffins who are working for [TS]

01:01:14 ◼   ► faking and then you then you trace that [TS]

01:01:19 ◼   ► fifty-dollar check-in and it just ends [TS]

01:01:21 ◼   ► up it's just steaks and cigars and there [TS]

01:01:26 ◼   ► was and and within that organization [TS]

01:01:27 ◼   ► there was a real like the response to me [TS]

01:01:33 ◼   ► was listen do your job you don't need to [TS]

01:01:36 ◼   ► know where them you don't need to know [TS]

01:01:37 ◼   ► about this stuff that's not exactly a [TS]

01:01:40 ◼   ► cult [TS]

01:01:41 ◼   ► it felt like a cold i mean that's that's [TS]

01:01:42 ◼   ► such a different defining characteristic [TS]

01:01:44 ◼   ► of a cult is it there are you taking [TS]

01:01:46 ◼   ► people for what they believe is going to [TS]

01:01:48 ◼   ► be a good life affirming life-changing [TS]

01:01:51 ◼   ► positive for them change he soon them [TS]

01:01:53 ◼   ► into the group you you work them really [TS]

01:01:58 ◼   ► really hard too late they're too [TS]

01:01:59 ◼   ► exhausted to ask questions [TS]

01:02:01 ◼   ► I don't know and the thing is i [TS]

01:02:02 ◼   ► supported everything that that for that [TS]

01:02:05 ◼   ► organization did I admired everybody [TS]

01:02:07 ◼   ► involved but again I felt like the [TS]

01:02:11 ◼   ► moment I recognized myself as a [TS]

01:02:13 ◼   ► log and the moment that I recognize my [TS]

01:02:16 ◼   ► own idealism and enthusiasm for this as [TS]

01:02:19 ◼   ► just a thing they were utilizing to [TS]

01:02:23 ◼   ► accomplish their goals which was not [TS]

01:02:27 ◼   ► which I wasn't really privy to your not [TS]

01:02:29 ◼   ► even want to know the real calls not [TS]

01:02:31 ◼   ► even allowed to know [TS]

01:02:32 ◼   ► not even you know never going to be [TS]

01:02:33 ◼   ► invited into that room right and these [TS]

01:02:36 ◼   ► guys are not even the ones these guys [TS]

01:02:38 ◼   ► don't really even have access to the [TS]

01:02:40 ◼   ► room the real room I just felt like oh [TS]

01:02:44 ◼   ► well this isn't for me either and you [TS]

01:02:50 ◼   ► know that a battle and I and I think [TS]

01:02:57 ◼   ► reflecting back what I what I recognize [TS]

01:02:59 ◼   ► is that I wasn't ever meant to be a [TS]

01:03:02 ◼   ► member in that way and what I really [TS]

01:03:05 ◼   ► missed was a mentor at some point early [TS]

01:03:10 ◼   ► on saying don't look for what you're [TS]

01:03:12 ◼   ► looking for in these things kid like [TS]

01:03:15 ◼   ► you're not going to find it in punk rock [TS]

01:03:18 ◼   ► or in the ralph nader's organization or [TS]

01:03:23 ◼   ► in a corporate environment like there [TS]

01:03:24 ◼   ► are some people who who don't belong and [TS]

01:03:30 ◼   ► I guess as I say it out loud I'm [TS]

01:03:32 ◼   ► realizing there isn't a mentor like that [TS]

01:03:34 ◼   ► the people who don't belong discovered [TS]

01:03:37 ◼   ► that and discover that path on their own [TS]

01:03:40 ◼   ► and that it is that it sucks [TS]

01:03:43 ◼   ► there's not many institutions that have [TS]

01:03:45 ◼   ► half a dozen people like that in them [TS]

01:03:46 ◼   ► right and it and it's only luck if i [TS]

01:03:52 ◼   ► would have I was on a i was on a boat [TS]

01:03:54 ◼   ► one time crossing from Morocco to italy [TS]

01:04:00 ◼   ► and i was considering i was i was at a [TS]

01:04:05 ◼   ► point in my life where I was considering [TS]

01:04:07 ◼   ► giving it all away like abandoning my [TS]

01:04:14 ◼   ► life and my history and moving [TS]

01:04:19 ◼   ► transitioning into a new existence of [TS]

01:04:22 ◼   ► like [TS]

01:04:24 ◼   ► constant like actually following my own [TS]

01:04:29 ◼   ► footsteps and in a way like like I was [TS]

01:04:33 ◼   ► gonna walk i was gonna walk off this [TS]

01:04:35 ◼   ► boat [TS]

01:04:36 ◼   ► this is a long time before I walked [TS]

01:04:37 ◼   ► across Europe but I was gonna walk off [TS]

01:04:39 ◼   ► this boat and I was gonna walk into a [TS]

01:04:40 ◼   ► new life where I did not have a past and [TS]

01:04:43 ◼   ► I was not going back to America if I [TS]

01:04:46 ◼   ► went to America again it was going to be [TS]

01:04:48 ◼   ► that I went to America not back to [TS]

01:04:51 ◼   ► America and I was going to become a [TS]

01:04:53 ◼   ► citizen of the world or something I was [TS]

01:04:55 ◼   ► sitting on the boat and I was really [TS]

01:04:56 ◼   ► thinking about what it would what it [TS]

01:04:59 ◼   ► would take to cut all those ties and I [TS]

01:05:03 ◼   ► and I'm not constitutionally a tie [TS]

01:05:06 ◼   ► cutter you know I I loved my family I [TS]

01:05:10 ◼   ► would you stayed in touch with your [TS]

01:05:12 ◼   ► family a hell of a lot more than must [TS]

01:05:13 ◼   ► apply now to be last and and in a way [TS]

01:05:16 ◼   ► like i am one of my characteristics is [TS]

01:05:20 ◼   ► nostalgia I am defy I carry nostalgia [TS]

01:05:24 ◼   ► Anna and a warm feeling for nostalgia [TS]

01:05:27 ◼   ► around with me and it ended it and it's [TS]

01:05:30 ◼   ► one of the things that keeps me from [TS]

01:05:31 ◼   ► being truly a radical is that i nurture [TS]

01:05:35 ◼   ► nostalgia in myself but I'm on this boat [TS]

01:05:40 ◼   ► and i'm thinking i'm going to just I'm [TS]

01:05:41 ◼   ► just gonna like do it i'm just gonna [TS]

01:05:45 ◼   ► burn up I'm gonna burn my old life and [TS]

01:05:50 ◼   ► I'm gonna walk off this boat on my walk [TS]

01:05:52 ◼   ► into a new life and there was a guy on [TS]

01:05:55 ◼   ► the boat who sat down you know who like [TS]

01:06:00 ◼   ► sami from across the dining room and [TS]

01:06:03 ◼   ► came over and sat down at my table and [TS]

01:06:06 ◼   ► he looked like mike mills looks now [TS]

01:06:09 ◼   ► she was an older guy great long gray [TS]

01:06:13 ◼   ► hair and it was one of those weird [TS]

01:06:16 ◼   ► encounters where a guy did sit down [TS]

01:06:19 ◼   ► across the table and say what's going on [TS]

01:06:20 ◼   ► with you man and I was like well I'm [TS]

01:06:25 ◼   ► thinking about not going back and he was [TS]

01:06:30 ◼   ► like I thought so i saw i saw that in [TS]

01:06:35 ◼   ► your face and I was like what man like [TS]

01:06:39 ◼   ► it really weird encounter and wait for [TS]

01:06:42 ◼   ► the length of this ferry trip he SAT [TS]

01:06:44 ◼   ► there and he was like do it [TS]

01:06:47 ◼   ► don't go back do it you know you should [TS]

01:06:53 ◼   ► and you'll never he can't know what the [TS]

01:06:57 ◼   ► future holds but it's going to be [TS]

01:07:00 ◼   ► amazing and you just need to do it and [TS]

01:07:04 ◼   ► you know I'm am sitting there like are [TS]

01:07:09 ◼   ► you wizard but but feeling so empowered [TS]

01:07:16 ◼   ► by this guy's attention and I think I [TS]

01:07:21 ◼   ► said some you know some version of like [TS]

01:07:23 ◼   ► will you be my god can I come with you [TS]

01:07:26 ◼   ► and he was like no no no that's not how [TS]

01:07:31 ◼   ► it works you you go like I'm I'm on I'm [TS]

01:07:38 ◼   ► on my own thing you you have to go and [TS]

01:07:41 ◼   ► do your thing and I was like and I [TS]

01:07:44 ◼   ► wanted to go with him I wanted to spend [TS]

01:07:46 ◼   ► like a month at least please just take [TS]

01:07:48 ◼   ► me home with you for a month and tell me [TS]

01:07:50 ◼   ► more [TS]

01:07:51 ◼   ► and you know the boat docked and I [TS]

01:07:54 ◼   ► walked off the boat and I was like I'm [TS]

01:07:55 ◼   ► done I'm not going back I'm not going [TS]

01:07:57 ◼   ► back to America I'm not going back to [TS]

01:08:00 ◼   ► I'm not going in Reverse but it but I [TS]

01:08:06 ◼   ► didn't have a clear picture of what that [TS]

01:08:08 ◼   ► meant i did it didn't take you know what [TS]

01:08:10 ◼   ► I mean like it was a it was a [TS]

01:08:13 ◼   ► hallucination and when when winter came [TS]

01:08:17 ◼   ► and I got cold and I got hungry you know [TS]

01:08:25 ◼   ► for five months after that i bought a [TS]

01:08:31 ◼   ► ticket back to America food and water [TS]

01:08:35 ◼   ► take it back to America like please take [TS]

01:08:38 ◼   ► me back America um and that was a you [TS]

01:08:44 ◼   ► know that was a moment that what that [TS]

01:08:46 ◼   ► was a crossroads that I that I i went i [TS]

01:08:52 ◼   ► took the road less traveled by and I [TS]

01:08:53 ◼   ► went about a mile and a half up what up [TS]

01:08:55 ◼   ► it and then I turn around I ran back to [TS]

01:08:57 ◼   ► the crossroads and took the took the [TS]

01:09:00 ◼   ► road more traveled by and that has made [TS]

01:09:03 ◼   ► all the difference also allow I like [TS]

01:09:11 ◼   ► have some follow-up I'm fine to stop [TS]

01:09:14 ◼   ► right there that was great [TS]

01:09:15 ◼   ► oh no I want I want to follow up [TS]

01:09:19 ◼   ► everything is profound is that better I [TS]

01:09:23 ◼   ► think I you see what frustrates me and [TS]

01:09:24 ◼   ► it took me a long time to realize this [TS]

01:09:26 ◼   ► I could have I could have called out [TS]

01:09:29 ◼   ► some of the bullet points of what [TS]

01:09:31 ◼   ► bothers me about people who proselytize [TS]

01:09:33 ◼   ► are people who are evangelicals but if I [TS]

01:09:36 ◼   ► had to summarize it in perhaps a [TS]

01:09:38 ◼   ► slightly glib way it's that when you go [TS]

01:09:41 ◼   ► to somebody you proselytize a point of [TS]

01:09:43 ◼   ► view you seek them out you find a [TS]

01:09:44 ◼   ► stranger and start talking to them about [TS]

01:09:46 ◼   ► something arm on the one hand [TS]

01:09:51 ◼   ► yeah obviously it matters what it is [TS]

01:09:52 ◼   ► that you're talking about but you know [TS]

01:09:54 ◼   ► there aren't that many people who [TS]

01:09:56 ◼   ► haven't heard of Jesus right to live at [TS]

01:09:58 ◼   ► least process i love it is on level [TS]

01:10:00 ◼   ► right [TS]

01:10:01 ◼   ► they've thought about not drinking today [TS]

01:10:02 ◼   ► whatever it is but with good bad [TS]

01:10:04 ◼   ► indifferent whatever it is as I said [TS]

01:10:06 ◼   ► here today I think the thing that bugs [TS]

01:10:07 ◼   ► me about the most is that the biggest [TS]

01:10:09 ◼   ► takeaway is from someone who [TS]

01:10:12 ◼   ► proselytizes if they're not really [TS]

01:10:14 ◼   ► really awfully good at it and offer he [TS]

01:10:16 ◼   ► made about it and the thing that makes [TS]

01:10:19 ◼   ► it feel a little guilty I'll really [TS]

01:10:21 ◼   ► across the board is that the impression [TS]

01:10:23 ◼   ► you are left with is that if I join up i [TS]

01:10:26 ◼   ► will become mostly an ineffective [TS]

01:10:28 ◼   ► salesman for whatever this thing is [TS]

01:10:30 ◼   ► because that's what this person is right [TS]