Roderick on the Line

Ep. 106: "Nürburgring Confirmation"


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  hello hey John I Merlin how are you

  oh it's very early yeah it's good though

  yeah yeah it's good to go early how you

  move the earlier moving

  I've got a personal time change yeah i'm

  moving earlier I am I'm trending earlier

  food i think that early is morally


  who it's been that's what people have

  been telling me my whole life people who

  get up early are morally superior people

  that sleep late i resisted it because

  we're not a pearly have to defend


  that's right that's right they're

  writing their writing our biographies

  and were sleeping and then when you wake

  up they hide them under the pillow

  no I go yeah look who's up lazybones

  it's typical of the earlies just cutting

  they do the earlies do a lot the earlies

  are running the world because the

  chances lots of things that I think

  earlies tend to do that ladies wouldn't

  do or we doing a different annoying way

  like an early baby stuff like they move

  things around the house

  mhm right have you ever noticed this you

  might you might notice a lot of what

  earlies get away with with their

  particular personality type is by virtue

  of the fact that they're up literally

  three hours earlier

  that's right there sometimes up so much

  earlier that it's like they're living in

  a different universe parallel universe

  who I you back in the old days when I

  would stay up routinely all night and I

  would be I never had a walk of shame

  exactly because I'm too full of pride

  but you know I would walk down the walk

  down the boulevard in the morning it

  wearing last night's clothes and I'd see

  all the earlies like pooling

  congregating in their little early

  classes power walking

  oh they're walking so strong and fast

  and I would see like oh you look like

  different people you have different

  physiognomies yeah no I think I i well I

  don't know that word very well but I

  think you might be right now my question

  for you is

  in order to be getting up even a little

  earlier and I guess I I'm this money i

  partly because I mainly this time I

  spent in person with you is when you're

  on tour so your whole life kinda has to

  be later but it seems like in the past

  you've naturally you wouldn't naturally

  wake up before like 11 in the past

  no but not by preference or by nature

  what I wake up before I'm not shaming

  you know knowing that and the thing is i

  spent my whole life trying to reconcile

  that with Oh with the world with a world

  that feels like eleven o'clock is pretty

  much like too late to get anything done

  like if you if you get up by 11 you're

  not out of the house by 12 at which

  point the stores are already starting to


  you know those those stores there was

  this is Madrid from the stores that are

  open from seven to noon and then just

  like oh well if you needed sewing

  supplies the sewing store closes in his

  notions is not a night owl operation

  yeah it's like what you expect expect to

  stay open till five and that's the

  that's the crazy part about being an

  eleven o'clock wake up person is just

  that that so many places close at five

  and and that just seems crazy to me why

  every place isn't open till eight right

  yeah and what kind of place opens at

  eight in the morning like who is doing

  anything at eight besides dragging their

  sorry ass somewhere i was in probably

  middle late twenties before this all

  really clicked

  I mean it was after i had a job and not

  had a regular job and been freelancing

  and sleeping general III m2 11 most days

  but it ain't finally really did click

  something that should be so obvious

  which is the world runs 925 because the

  world runs 925 that's exactly absolutely

  you just said a mouthful sir and so

  you're able to do things but i mean it's

  it's so it's so bitter that you would

  have to go and be somewhere during the

  working hours and then right at the time

  you get out and you know that for these

  kids today they don't they don't know

  from ours but it used to be you couldn't

  buy stuff on Christmas and used abused

  time was it doesn't count

  on can count on ATM being there I mean

  those there's a lot more stuff where you

  really had to plan and think ahead

  like for example i just noticed

  yesterday our local post office which

  really is like something from East

  Germany and in the mid-seventies they

  are they reached the I understandably I

  think they're cutting hours so they're

  going to start closing it 5pm instead of

  6pm but think about the impact that has

  on people who actually need to do

  anything with that place while you but

  absolutely and this is the whole premise

  behind daylight savings time which is

  which is a crazy solution to a simple

  problem you know daylight savings time I

  guess I guess what they think we're

  still getting up to plow or something

  but I mean here's here's a here's a clue

  just have the stores open later keep the

  time the same just move the opening

  hours and the closing hours of the shops

  that's what strange and I've said this

  to you have a half a dozen times but

  that's one thing that's so starkly

  different from what I was living in

  florida is is I remember even being in


  mid to late eighties ah gas stations

  open all night it was you know is more

  more you're seeing stuff it will still

  wasn't the point when like I don't think

  we had super walmarts then but you know

  as recently as maybe what like five or

  eight years ago going to Florida either

  super walmart is open all night long and

  that's in it really serves an ironic sad

  purpose which is all the people who work

  in this crazy jobs it's crazy hours they

  go and they go in there wheeling there

  with three kids at two in the morning

  cuz that's when they can go get

  groceries announcing the first time I

  ever saw super walmart i was so


  it was in florida and it was one of

  those super walmarts what would seem

  like it was a

  like to get there you have to cross a 11

  lane Boulevard and then go down into a

  storm dick your journey is not over yet

  traveling down into a storm ditch that

  was again like four lanes wide and then

  up the other side and then across a long

  misty parking lot like arc light lit

  parking lot and it was the first time

  I'd ever been to Florida and I was hyper

  vigilant for alligators

  oh so I'm like trying to get across this

  Boulevard and through this storm

  condition over and threw them at the

  merc woodforest and everywhere I'm you

  know every step I take

  I'm thinking and I'm going to fully

  grown adult like I don't the thing is I

  don't know anything about alligators you

  know you don't have to be scared of that


  I know enough that alligators are making

  outrage on and straight line

  mmm i didn't know that I knew enough of

  I knew enough about alligators but I

  didn't know how to say i didn't know how

  to spot an alligator on the land or in a

  in a pond and you know good in Alaska I

  know how to not get eaten by various

  things but it in Florida where I'd never

  been the prospect of like I you know I

  presumed that you didn't just put a bell

  on your backpack and that would scare

  the alligators away like it does the

  bears an alligator belt an alligator

  belt you didn't like you didn't walk

  walk along up in the middle of the night

  everybody that would draw attention to


  well yeah right i mean in Alaska walk

  along in the middle of the night through

  the forest and you say everyone's want

  to say hello bear

  oh they're all bear and the bears here

  you and they proved they prefer not to

  have an encounter with you but I was not

  about to start saying oh alligator was

  just to be clear this is early in your

  first visit to florida so this has gotta

  be an overwhelming experience experience

  for you is just it's like I'm I'm 12

  hours in country and the it's you know

  it's really it's my first trip to

  Vietnam you know that the air is heavy

  it's hot and there's this that the

  concierge at the hotel says all you want

  to go over the super walmart open 24

  hours and you know and I see it in the

  distance glowing it's like the it's like

  the bridge that they blow up every night

  and then rebuild and yeah but alligators

  foremost in my mind I do not want to

  walk along and step on an alligator

  I do not want to do not want an

  alligator surprise me from behind the

  garbage can and so so whatever I think

  of walmart even now I think alligators

  on that way with new orleans in nutrias

  have you ever seen a real live nutrient

  be honest with you I only ever needed to

  see one nutrient in my entire life and

  equity right into alligator country it

  was because my friend joking about say

  oh you know these things they raised him

  to make a beaver coat and then the

  beaver coat fake beaver coat market

  dropped out i guess in the late twenties

  and they apparently however me like a

  thousand two thousand even 10,000 let

  him go and now they breed prodigiously

  and they're they're like the face of

  Satan their horrifying creatures they're

  like oh they're rats but they're the

  size of beavers the rap beavers with

  with big yellow teeth and they make it

  sound like this like they're like I

  don't like the Korean water ghosts of

  Louisiana this episode of rock on the

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  John I want to send our thanks to

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  the line we could not do it without them

  I I'm anything is I'm not gonna front

  here John I mean is we could have a

  conversation about walmart has done to

  America but the first time I walked into

  a Super Walmart I thought it was like

  Valhalla i thought was the most amazing

  thing I've ever seen in my life because

  at the time we had my girlfriend and I

  were driving and I think we're moving

  one of us one place to another and we

  need a tarp to cover up like a u-haul

  trailer in the back at our colon as they

  say in in in in Florida and we put in

  there and I think we ended up buyin

  tires and frozen peas

  I mean it was I've never seen a walmart

  that had food in it to produce a frozen

  peas that sorry I'm over here in the

  otherwise you can hear me a prison peas

  but now but I mean I just remember I

  think memory serves

  we ended up spending baloch an hour and

  a half maybe two hours in there because

  it was like oh my god they have

  literally everything in it's all like a

  dollar twenty yeah so I mean I don't

  know it's I I had a right captain I want

  to make this about the economics of

  politics but i have to say it was a

  really illuminating experience for me to

  go back to Florida and mid-2002 my mom

  was recovering from surgery and I had

  spent like 10 days or something like

  that when you went back to florida to do

  make a White Castle fly about industry


  what that mean we go down to the Lord is

  that is it but I surfers on and on and

  no but I did see the crepe and that's

  alla o my soul yeah I tell you though I

  think there was something about it that

  was it was weirdly illuminating to this

  flaming liberal there was there was my

  at the time still still living

  grandmother who was very old and ill and

  had you know Alzheimer's in my mom he's

  got some kind of movement stuff and I'm

  just here to tell you man you pull into

  the walmart you got your little tag

  everybody's gonna hang tag now you know

  we should talk about that at some point

  everybody's gotta tell you it's


  everybody's gotta cut somebody a a

  handicapped parking spot exactly just

  they just give that to you in florida

  and then if you don't want you give it

  back but anyway you pull right up next

  to the door you can you get to rascal

  scooters and you can drive rascal

  scooters like retail Rascals we've got a

  battle gets on them so i actually I

  wasn't super into grandma driving her

  asking but she did pretty she was really

  into it but we had we had this little

  like a sad their sets wagon train of me

  with a giant s cart and then my mom my

  grandma we went around but it was it was

  the thing is in san francisco you've

  been to our safeway you park if you can

  find a space you park on the roof of our

  safeway you get the elevator which i'm

  pretty sure pretty positive was probably

  not working when you were here it was

  enough just stop working while you're in

  it you gotta get cards downstairs or get

  cards upstairs and then go into the and

  it's it's amazing though when you're

  we've lived in even a pseudo urban area

  like like where you live where I live

  like it is so strange to pull into a

  walmart that has literally hundreds i

  don't think they've ever filled that

  parking lot except maybe like Christmas

  Eve writes the hugest parking lot you've

  got the the worst space at a Walmart is

  like the best space in our mall and then

  you get two Rascals your driveway and

  like a hundred twenty dollars later like

  you fill the truck its I all I'm saying

  is and you can do it two in the morning

  and at times when you're like dealing

  with things like moves or like

  transitions you just find yourself going

  to walmart three times today it

  completely blew me away and I don't

  think it's a great thing but it was

  really illuminating to me as somebody

  who likes to look down his nose

  isn't talking about all the people who

  are ruining America with all their

  retail because that was all that was

  there when I funny funny thing is i have

  some coffee when I when I left for

  college in 1986 we gone to walmart to

  buy all the pots and pans kind of stuff

  and at that point there were still strip

  malls everywhere retail stores you had

  so many drug stores so many grocery

  stores but it's it's I don't want to

  make this to idiocracy but really was

  kind of like this 8th block area where

  there used to be all these different

  stores now this one like ridiculously

  large building with ample parking

  the ultra store how do you get those

  what you know you can't build those in

  the city limits here now we don't have

  them here either in Seattle because yeah


  the anti basically because because maybe

  because of Meg Ryan's character in

  you've got mail

  we are prohibited from building super

  stores in the city but you know a when

  we first started doing this podcast you

  sent me a giant long upright blue

  hyperlink cable of that's a it's a that

  was going to such a hyperlink cable it's

  a hyper hyper link cable or whatever it

  is it's a you know like a like a direct

  direct in cable for the internets who

  because the first I think the first four

  letters help johns talking about an

  ethernet cable ethernet cable the first

  the first time we tried to do the this

  television program i was doing it on the

  line to the cap was doing to you on the

  the Wi-Fi and you were like doesn't

  sound good

  I'm gonna send you something and then

  this blue cable showed up within hours

  and we never look back because of

  because of amazon anyway so for a long

  time I was doing the like housekeeping

  of a bit a bit end of the show I would

  unplug the cable that runs down the

  stairs to the router if memory serves

  the full part of the fun of this was

  your internet connection was downstairs

  that you're recording upstairs record

  upstairs in the interconnect gonna get a

  hurt foot a 100-foot Ethan 100 foot

  ethernet cable because it internet

  connection is down the stairs across the

  hall and in the in the other wing

  and so for a long time i would get done

  with the program and i would go down i

  would on unhook the hundred foot

  ethernet cable i would plug the Wi-Fi

  router back in i would coil up the

  ethernet cable all the way up the stairs

  and you know and put it behind the

  computer well over time I just got used

  to the blue cable running through the

  house and everybody kind of got used to

  it and so the blue cable just ended up

  not getting coiled up the blue cable

  just runs through the house but the blue

  cable has to go through one two three

  doorways and across it it goes right

  across a pretty highly sounds like a

  health class video John that sounds like

  a terrible tripping hazard

  well what's happened is that doors have

  gotten shut on the long blue cable many

  many times and now the longer cable it

  looks like it has been like chewed upon

  by a nutria it it is completely mangled

  and if it if any real electricity were

  running through it would be a hazard as

  it stands it's just like a it's it looks

  like it's just dropping internet bites

  because it's just dropping bites right

  there look and I'm sure the NSA comes in

  and sweeps up all the internet that

  spills out of it and and goes and and

  catalogs it as they're doing to me all

  the time but I realized as I was looking

  at it today

  oh right this thing now is is is fast

  approaching uselessness and I went on

  amazon to get a new one and in the

  course of beam on amazon even for five

  minutes I filled up a shopping cart with

  seven hundred dollars with stuff

  Wow and I was like well I can't spend

  seven hundred dollars on all this stuff

  so I didn't buy any of it and the blue

  cable is still in the shopping bag

  and now i feel like this blue cable

  belongs in a museum

  you should sell it blew on it belongs in

  the Roderick on making the merch hits

  the merch table and so so I can't part

  with it because now it has value every

  time the door is closed on it

  mm it's you know every single Roderick

  on the line has gone through this cable

  at least half of it and so what is ok

  yeah that's what I'm supposed to do i'm

  gonna go burned in the yard so yeah now

  i'm now I have this i have this kind of

  busted ass cable and I don't know if you

  can even find Wonder walmart i need to

  just I just need to go to you know what

  I need you know what Amazon needs to do

  they need to start opening stores you

  mean so you're saying that one of I

  guess you'd call it out be retail but a


  yeah like us retail store a retail store

  so be like an online store but in a

  building like in a big building with a

  parking lot and people would come jump i

  think i'm following you

  you're saying instead of buying it

  online and having it delivered they

  would go there they would park they go

  inside and they give something like

  money to take something in their hands

  and they are out of it with her seat but

  Gordon you can use bitcoin bitcoin ok

  alright the idea that the thing about it

  think about it is that I when I meant

  when i'm on the internet you might have

  noticed this but this is the this is the

  reason that dictionaries this is the

  reason i've started buying dictionaries

  in addition to the dictionaries i

  already own which are several I started

  getting other dictionaries because I

  realized the main flaw of online

  dictionaries is that they're so they're

  so concerned with profiting from the

  idea of a dictionary by throwing

  advertisements up all around the world

  you're trying to look up that they have

  they have misjudged what the best thing

  about a dictionary is which is that you

  go to the dictionary to look up the word


  let's say or just you know like let's

  say you go look at a vision which is a

  kind of detainee what's this

  the genie and then you're there and you

  say oh interesting decision right and

  then you go oh

  djibouti or whatever like you see the

  next DJ word and you say oh that's

  interesting and then pretty soon you're

  reading the dictionary and I defy anyone

  to tell me a dictionary story that

  doesn't start and end with some amazing

  discovery they made up by this or

  accidental proximity dictionary findings

  and new dictionaries which are you know

  on the internet you can look up any word

  in any time but there is no there's no

  lucky fun to them and it's the same it's

  the same I mean wikipedia has the

  hyperlink which is very much like we

  used to do with encyclopedias where you

  would know related articles or in line

  length and you're justyou're then pretty

  soon you're reading an encyclopedia and

  I mean I think that I think that the

  time i spent reading the Encyclopedia as

  a child

  absolutely trumped every school I ever

  heard that's where three academic years

  for me like three good academic years

  that's worth like 4th to 6th grade

  absolutely absolutely i mean and those

  are precisely the years from 4th to 6th

  grade point third to sixth grade I

  learned more out of the encyclopedias

  then out at and completely unguided

  unstructured learning but just like you

  go to the Encyclopedia to look something

  up and then you're just there for the

  rest of the afternoon and so hyperlink

  kind of allows for that although you

  never really feel like you're getting

  all the way into talk about the

  hyperlink cabling protocol hyperlink

  cabling protocol

  okay now you're just funny you should

  say that because HTTP ok ok i I uh I

  would never have thought of that and

  you're exactly right we just finally I

  the Webster's I think or Miriam we were

  the red dictionary everybody had to have

  a point and we've got a fancier one but

  i wanted the the dictionary that I had

  when I was in Middle School yeah thought

  you could hold it in one

  and metrics and you know what we we have

  I realized that it's important that we

  do that really annoying thing that your

  family always makes you do which is you

  go look upward and my daughter's not

  gonna miss so much of a reader that she

  can like going to do that on around but

  we do it together and circle the word

  and that becomes a thing but you're

  absolutely right you did on the internet

  you don't get to you don't get the edge


  no you don't and and oftentimes the word

  on either the words on either side of

  the world you looked up are related to

  the word you looked up who and so you're

  you you're developing up all this word

  context that is like crucial to

  understanding language it's crucial to

  understanding concepts but that he look

  up a word and then you go what is this

  this looks like the a very similar word

  and you read about it you're like oh it

  is a similar word and here's why

  etc etc so I feel like I feel like the

  the you know in a way the opposite is

  true with online stores because when i

  go to the guitar store I and i'm looking

  for something or let's say I go to the

  wall into the the giant brick-and-mortar

  amazon store and im looking 4a a

  hundred-foot hyperlink cable i go in

  there it's a store full of things I'm

  just lookin for the cable you know maybe

  they get me with a point of purchase

  Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for the most

  part like I know that I know I'm going

  into a store it's going to be full of

  stuff I'm I'm just here to get the one

  jobber right but when i go on Amazon

  looking for a thing that's dangerous

  country for me when I go on

  looking for a thing and their their

  their genius about this like oh well you

  know if you had if you had one more

  thing you get free shipping details on

  prime well this you don't do it enough

  to make that pay for it

  well that's the thing if i did it then I

  would be like oh I've got amazon prime

  this is why don't this is why we don't

  have a car anymore because I realized

  that if you buy a car you're gonna have

  to find ways to use it and then you just

  end up spending more money i was going

  to not have a car and put it

  into like some uber and muni passes and

  stuff like that this is but don't you

  think isn't that kind of the thing

  absolutely as my dad said when I when I

  took away his car and he was like I

  needed to do stuff I here we go to

  appointments and I was like what

  appointments do you go to would name on

  an appointment and he was like I gotta

  go to the car repair it said and he's

  dead serious he has to go to the car but

  doesn't that also kind of a social thing

  for him

  well then I'm not saying you're robbing

  him of his social intercourse but but

  but hanging out and and and shoot the

  shit with the car guy was the kind of

  thing he did the car guy is the car guys

  slowly swindled him out of thousands of

  dollars as the guy was when the amount

  of you know and i think this is like the

  I've told you before right that he

  decided that the goalie guy he would let

  work on his airplane lived in hell

  tourists California and he would

  it's that you know you never get like a

  like a drink in style decision the even

  you would really pull back on after a

  week or so what I didn't occur to me

  that I would have to go to another state

  to get this plane worked on

  yeah like it's the type of thing where

  you're you're let's say you're flying a

  commercial airplane you sit down next to

  a guy and the guy turns out to be an

  airplane mechanic and you own an

  airplane here like I'm gonna come see

  you in Altos California but my dad in

  one of his many many cross-country

  flights you know what he used to do he

  would fly along and he'd see a little

  Airport did see little airstrip and he

  would just put her down

  he do that yeah just call ahead and say

  can I get clearance know you don't call

  ahead you just put her down

  all I gotta do these little one

  uncontrolled airports you just line up

  and you unmaintained Road in an airport

  really just a little bit of road and you

  land your you're on the plane road

  that's right you go there is a that you

  turn the radio to up to you know what if

  you plot your map to find the little

  Airport it'll have a little channel 4

  channel 19

  yeah channel 19 right you go there and

  you say hey you know attention

  uncontrolled airspace i am this airplane

  I'm come

  going in I am 763 for mike alpha i am on

  final approach you know and you look

  around and if there's nobody in the air

  and there's nobody on that airstrip you

  just put it down as an American that's

  American that is this god damn holy shit

  that's cool

  I thought you'd have a flight plan a big

  bag and and if you didn't show up

  somewhere by certain time you just watch

  out of the air

  no you the thing is the thing about

  flight plan i was explaining this to

  somebody the other day you can change

  your flight plan over the radio

  you can just find a topic sentence

  that's good to know

  use file a new flight plan who so we

  would do this all the time and sometimes

  one time when I was about 10 years old

  we landed on him on an airstrip that had

  been clearly like carved out of the

  forest up in Yukon Territories he was on

  the 11 i was in Alaska so but it was up

  way north we landed on a little dirt

  airstrip out in the middle of nowhere

  dad was just like look at that somebody

  carved an airstrip another forest and he

  turns around and lines it up and puts it

  down and we are where you know taxing

  down this little dirt runway and a guy

  comes out of the forest holding a

  shotgun from the revenue and I was

  thrilled I was hoping you know i was i

  was expecting that to do what he always

  did which is turn the engine off open

  the door climb out who and I we were

  going to meet this very interesting man

  who was holding a gun standing at the

  edge of the woods and dad did a thing he

  hardly ever did which was he went Wow

  look at the throttle forward and fun the

  plane around here like Dukes of Hazzard

  store like dirt flying kicking up sticks

  bra and headed down the runway at a clip

  and I was like wow what's going on

  it was like he didn't say anything until

  we were at 2,000 feet and was like nope

  that's not restricted that man was

  explaining to us non-verbally yeah but

  that was because it was interested in

  personal unwritten rules in aviation one

  of them is if a guy is running onto the

  field with a shotgun

  oh he was called this could be this guy

  just stepped out of the boot dark forest

  yeah that's that's creepy yeah with a

  gun was just you know I'm gonna gun like

  cradle not pointed and just say that man

  that is that is so freaking exciting

  like I'm everyone a very first started

  playing around college-age being old

  enough to just drive around and go

  places and go out let's drive to this

  place we don't even know about that was

  exciting but i can't imagine doing that

  a plane

  I mean that must be so exciting just go

  oh there's an area where we could put

  the plane let's go there

  yeah well I'm and in Alaska of course

  dad put put slightly bigger tires on the

  planet he landed on the side of the

  river you know they were those guys are

  therapy if there's a stretch of mud like

  riverbank that seemed solid i'll just

  put the plane right down and dad would

  do it to just put them just put it right

  down if putting it down isn't the

  challenge the challenge of course is

  getting it back up off the riverbank

  sure I'm sorry

  so you gotta you gotta have a good

  because gravity right because gravity

  and because a lot of things in but he

  would do so you would put himself down

  on these trips and he was flying along

  in that corner of Northern California

  and Southern southeastern Oregon and

  Nevada that corner that's just like what

  how is this even I mean that it should

  much more properly just be an unbored on

  governed area because there's nothing


  why would why would you even pay a

  surveyor could be like taking a holiday

  or something yeah absolutely you could

  you could you could you could put a new

  state in there and can call it

  winnemucca and no one would know one

  would know or care

  Prison Prison tension but so he landed

  on this airstrip at some point just like

  a look at that there's an airport morale

  and taxied up to a hanger and I've been

  with him it wasn't there the first time

  you want to outsource but I've been with

  them many many times when he's done this

  and what happens is airport looks

  abandoned your you're taxing down the

  runway you're you know you kind of pull

  off to the side you're just puttering

  along there are a couple of old war two


  hangers Quonset huts all look completely

  abandoned you just pop up at Rincon

  opener and as you're here slowly driving

  by these little these little abandoned

  structures and then invariably a door

  bangs open in a building made out of

  corrugated metal and I'm old man comes

  out like things here and you're wearing

  a cap he comes out sometimes he's

  literally wearing overalls he comes out

  he's wiping his sweaty hands on a rag

  and dad goes hey points the plane at the

  guy and you know cuts the cuts the motor

  and we wheel over and the guy comes over

  and he is absolutely invariably one of

  the most laconic men you'll ever meet

  dad gets out hey how's it going guys

  pair up and that's it you know and then

  dad's holding up both ends of the

  conversation and everyone smile goes

  morrow your mirror and it turns out dad

  fought in world war two and this guy

  fought in world war two and you go you

  go try to find an encyclopedia and

  there's a you know there's also it's

  there was always it always turned out

  that dad was an officer in the war that

  was an officer in the Navy and this guy

  was a was a petty officer in the Navy so

  there develops right away some ancient

  officer enlisted man dynamic between

  them that only they understand only they

  are comfortable with and then I you know

  so then I'm walking around some

  sun-blasted airstrip kicking rocks while

  dad at this guy go into a hangar and sit

  and talk about god only knows what dad

  buys a baseball hat from him that says

  I'll taurus chevron you know in the

  heart of Kristin yeah have gas and pet

  store gas and feed and then we get back

  on the plane will fly away well anyway

  one of these times he meets this guy who

  he decides his mechanic this is the only

  guy that he's gonna let work on this

  plan and he lives in alaska which is

  you know which requires that once a year

  he go on a four-day walkabout each

  direction in his airplane me and uh and

  i have ended up spending more time in

  all tourists so he really did he went

  through with it

  oh he was a word for you based on this

  one like random chance thing now you

  want done for 15 years

  don't be like don't be like driving

  somewhere in stopping at a Stuckey's and

  deciding that was going to be your

  physician or something that's just


  yeah it'sit's but it's absolutely

  bizarre and you know and I'll Taurus is

  like a is one of those Old West towns

  that at least the last time i was there

  still no one had discovered and turned

  into a miking mountain biking town it

  was still it was still just like I mean

  the type of place that you pay for your

  shot with a silver dollar and the only

  people and there are still like they're

  still there are still problems between

  the ranchers and the and whatever the

  other demographic is the musical waiting

  to happen the ranchers and the meth

  dealers are like trying to decide who

  owns the dairy ranchers and the meth

  dealer should be friends up

  yeah so uh I'd say that's incredible

  ended but before your dad has a real

  sense of loyalty huh

  he was a very loyal guy he was loyal to

  loyal you know and i think part of it

  was a like like his car mechanic this

  was a world that he didn't understand he

  did not know how to fix his own airplane

  engine and he didn't know how to fix his

  own car and so those things became

  magical realms and he figured out that

  he didn't need to know how to fix those

  things he just needed to find one guy

  that he trusted and then once he decided

  that he trusted the guy even if even if

  all empirical evidence indicated that

  this guy was not trustworthy and that he

  was ripping them off and that he was a

  jerk and a bastard

  my dad would privilege their their

  friendship from that point on over

  you know over the fact i mean his last

  car mechanic was building him four

  hundred dollars a month for work he was

  doing on an eight-hundred-dollar cause

  the past three feet

  yeah exactly was just like oh Dave I

  think you need a new are you need a new

  water filter that's like the car doesn't

  have a water filter down that's I think

  my family had a lot in common there I

  there was always a go-to person

  especially not think my grandfather who

  was roughly a little younger

  my grandfather was born and I think 1903

  and you're sure was your dad

  19-21 your granddad was a lot of well as

  well as well as a kid but you know he

  was very much of that like you know he

  was a freemason was a Shriner and

  everything was a secret deal like he

  made it look like he would do these look

  strange gestures sometimes to security

  people I I'm sure we're into entirely

  constructed to make me think that he was

  part of a cabal didn't actually exist

  like every time every time we drive

  somewhere he do this little kind of like

  this little like the stain thing with

  his finger on his nose gotta rush toward

  them like that's what we got in like an

  idea what up but but now it's the same

  way and I think every everybody my

  family was like that where you like all

  this is where we always get our tires

  and eventually I was like mom like that

  these tires are really expensive and it

  takes them three or four days and they

  don't answer the phone to get what we've

  done to them for years

  yeah isn't that is that a thing I think

  that might be an old people think I

  think basically will become a meeting i

  think it's a thing and I think that I

  think that you get to like we have now

  in seattle here we have a an auto

  mechanic I've talked to you about him

  before he is he is from Palestine

  graphics and he is an Arab but he's a

  b-bad double question right and it gives

  you some notes okay yeah and I think

  maybe he's a messianic Christian and it

  and he is a very nice guy he drives a

  what is the car the dodge that rampage

  what is the Dodge made a made the super

  hot rod with the v10 motor it's a dodge

  dakota pickup truck

  it's a no it's it's a card about the

  cobra verde or what is called the dodge

  the dodge insanity car that it looks it

  actually looks like a like a oh it's the

  Viper it looks like a snake right the

  Dodge Viper have you seen one of them

  look it up it looks but it looks like

  the head of a snake and I was I always

  thought that it was just a just a clown

  car like a joke car that that the hot

  rod division 8.4 leaders yeah the hot

  rods a hundred thousand dollars that


  the hot rod division of Dodge was given

  free reign at some point by somebody by

  Lee Iacocca to crap build like the

  supercar and rather than build like an

  attractive-looking a good handling

  sports car they built that they took a

  like a truck motor from a dump truck or

  a or airplane motor and put it in the

  front of a car that only an

  eleven-year-old could have designed it's

  got a real lady agra seafield you know

  it's just like okay that is you can't be

  serious right i mean that is a car that

  that is a car that only an

  eleven-year-old would buy or drives an

  eight leader car

  well so this is the thing so I always

  thought these cars were were just jokes

  it for somebody for whom a Corvette is

  too subtle for somebody you know that

  feels like a PT Cruiser is too is like

  to add two to conservatives it's Harvard

  Johnson's our version of a trap Street

  it's like something you would put on the

  menu to see some douchebag would buy it

  right that's exactly right and they and

  they sell them they sell them and and so

  so I thought so I I just

  I just assumed that it was it was the

  hot rod PT Cruiser community that the

  only type of people that would buy this

  are people that have no eyes and yet the

  other day i was looking up the fastest

  laps around the Nurburgring for the

  Nurburgring in bergen choices the I can

  I don't know how to pronounce it but

  it's a the Nurburgring gangin bergen

  gurbin King ring and it's not getting


  no not the Nurburgring number garden

  soon that's a stretch of road it is in

  so in Germany they built like this test

  track the Nurburgring and it's it's it's

  in Europe it's the thing where if you're

  testing out a car

  nurburgring that's hard to say her bring

  you have your testing out a car you go

  rule running around the Nurburgring and

  and that's your that's your standard of

  like a how fast do you make it around

  this thing and it's a it's a and

  everybody wants to everybody in the

  sports car world wants to go around at

  least once around this fabric ring and I

  think if you heard seven is a little bit

  hairpin turn 7 a little freaky right low

  it's actually less than a hairpin it

  less than happen yeah no I'm saying I

  mean that you go you will almost a

  circle to go around

  Yeah Yeah right oh and i think if you if

  you go on if you if you do those uh car

  racing video games where you can you can

  pick your track and you can do Monza and

  you can do turn everyone yokohama s here

  is really dangerous looking well and

  people people get a people blow up on

  this nürburgring like the crash and bad

  things happen anyway i was i was as you


  looking up the fastest laps in history

  of the Nurburgring and it appears that

  the fastest lap ever of the Nurburgring

  is in a dodge viper which I was just

  like what are you talking about faster

  than any Porsche or Ferrari or like it's

  in a dodge viper that just seems crazy

  that seems like it seems like the

  classic you know the story of sports

  cars is that Americans throw horsepower

  yeah i mean that drag race you've got

  some crazy handling here

  yeah it has to really really make it

  around this super spinny track and I

  don't know if you've ever done this but

  um no I'm I'm you know what I do know

  that you have never done anything I

  heard it and i know i haven't done it

  but I'm gonna tell you to do something

  today it is 10 minutes or 10 or 15

  minutes of your life that you that once

  you've experienced it you will never

  look at life the same way we need to get

  a zipcar no I think it's all going to

  happen on the internet that you are

  going to google rough are you f rough

  yellowbird nürburgring are you a fright

  you offered nürburgring again and it is

  a video of a guy driving a super

  hopped-up porsche 911 barefoot around

  the Nurburgring


  and it is phenomenal you put your

  headphones on you you put you get in

  full screen mode it's a bit it's bad

  resolution this because it's a VHS

  somebody put a VHS camera in the back of

  this car but it is astonishing

  it's it's better than it's really better

  than going on a rollercoaster watching

  this guy drive this one car around this

  nürburgring your Palestinian mechanic

  has a viper okay right so he has a viper

  and he was discovered by my sister or by

  my mom some some someone found him out

  in the sticks and he was recommended

  through somebody threw so-and-so and he

  has become this character in Our Lives

  the trusted mechanic and I have called

  him a few times and said I'm thinking

  about getting this this car thing about

  getting car x and he says he's like can

  I stop you right there we go yeah he

  says would you like my advice I go yeah

  he's like don't ever get that car so I

  know you are the trusted mechanic now

  like you are the guy that I'm putting

  I'm just putting it all in your hands

  like if you tell me that i need a new

  water filter if you tell me that i need

  you know whatever I find need new hoses

  if I need if i need to to buy a hundred

  a pound bag of grass seed whatever it is

  that you say I'm gonna just go with it

  because you are the year the wizard and

  you live inside this world that assuming

  obviously that he must have he must have

  like the greatest car available right

  for that he's seen so much about what

  can go wrong so we can go well and

  poorly about cars that he's obviously a

  sage of these things

  well yeah but i but i personally feel

  like the fact that he drives a viper

  it's very confusing to me it's like

  something out of seinfeld John where

  you've been trusting somebody for years

  you know talking about like you know

  what kind of real estate to buy and then

  you find out that he's like loses a

  shirt every couple months terrible deal

  but he swears by it and as I've

  explained before he's not a guy that you

  that you're going to enter into a

  conversation like that unless you're

  prepared to have an hour-long lecture

  about whether dodge viper is the

  greatest cars ever made but

  independently i have i've discovered

  this that this confirmation this

  nürburgring confirmation at least that

  it is it's done that did that huh side

  there's so many letters to write down

  nerve for ruff ruff ruff yellow burger

  burger bring rough yellow Bergner berg

  ring boom you're berg group under yellow

  berg yellow Bergner Berg Berg selling a

  strep test this week up expertise man

  that's complicated it's hard to never

  trust just organic yeah and you know for

  a long time at you or my computer guy

  yeah i wrote the head coach it by that

  hyperlink cable yeah if I had any

  computer problems i would call you and

  then you know and then you would spin a

  web of a of lies

  it's been a story and pretty soon i

  would be down at the mac store buying

  apple TV are you just reading things on

  the card is the Select now here's the

  question you're going to be in this

  house you know god-willing for for

  several years have you thought about

  bringing somebody in to do some work and

  get you some ethernet upstairs so you

  don't need the blue hyperlink cable i'm

  gonna guess you haven't no I have I have

  but there are a few there are a few

  mistakes that I've made in life get a

  fresh card when I bought this house

  there was cable TV in every single room

  and when you went up when you went

  outside and looked at the outside of the

  house there was one of those cable

  junction boxes and it looked like Doc

  already love TV there he had his normal

  to human hands and then he had six

  octopus hands and then they were like a

  there like 10 other hands

  somebody love TV i think it was probably

  at one point it was used this house was

  used as a place where a lot of people

  lived and so everybody had TV in their

  room and I said to the guy night so I

  said to the cable guy is a is a junction

  box like this does it divide the signal

  so that each box has one sixth of the

  available bandwidth or does everybody

  get equal power and he was like the

  former yep i discovered that and so I

  said well I want the most powerful

  bandwidth so I want you to take all

  these other oh I see what you're saying

  you want the one big pipe i want a big

  pipe i don't want a bunch of little

  pipes and so I want to take all these

  other a cables off and just give me one

  solid power right into the room we had

  we had the doc ock legacy spiderweb of

  of that at one point in the comcast are

  sitting right there was not enough

  signal enough digital signal to keep our

  internet connection up because there was

  so much stuff and so much transit

  injunctions and little Joyner things and

  all of that and somebody came in just

  just tore all the unnecessary stuff out

  and it fixed it

  you know it was leading ones and zeros

  all over the yard you kidding me i gotta

  get another sweep it out so so I say

  that this guy like like kill it and so

  what he does is he takes all the cables

  off of the junction box and rewires it

  so just it's a cable coming in and it

  goes right in the house right where the

  cable arrives which is like the middle

  of the living room

  well two problems one he didn't then

  spend the afternoon taking all the cable

  and down off the outside of the house so

  it wasn't until he left that I realized

  away all that cabling and still I mean

  this house is basically held together by

  by video cable coaxial cable staple to

  be outside and that if I think about

  that drives me crazy that bothers me i

  want that cleaned up i want some sit

  somebody's responsibility to come clean

  that up it's so trashy and in our case

  we are capable

  he's like hanging off the wall and

  nobody wants to take any responsibility

  for it bases one of those like oh the

  tenants are going to have to be the ones

  who go to pay to fix this

  that's our landlord is not going to come

  out and like fix a cable box and you

  know comcast and going to do it

  oh yeah I'm the comcast guy if there was

  ever an opportunity to get him to make

  this change it was that first time that

  first visit he came out I could have

  said hey I just bought this house this

  is my responsibility can all this cable

  off here but even then he would have

  said nah nah nah man nah but now it's

  grandfathered in as far as comcast is

  concerned I put up all that cable but

  anyway so that was the first mistake was

  that I didn't think you know what I'm

  not gonna do I'm not gonna have a

  computer terminal in the living room and

  so now i have either given myself a

  router behind a couch that I constantly

  have to move the couch out from the wall

  to reset the router or I have you know

  what or I have to run a blue cable over

  the over hill over the hills and Del's

  up to where I want to compete you know

  where i want the internet to be I i

  think i'm not an expert on these things

  John but I think you're not facing two

  much here

  mmm i think that's all you got to do the

  thing is something just straight up

  through the wall just the actual you can

  get internet drop upstairs and you'll be

  good i'd like to drop it and sorry II

  you know you're gonna draw it starts

  start over you know there's a nice bird

  some of my favorite old-fashioned

  candies the ethernet drops and the love

  that is different also upgrade retro

  jazz band like that ethernet driver like

  when you wake up early so I want so

  you're right i just recently I have gone

  through the looking glass of feeling

  like you know I when I bought my house

  the market immediately crashed and i

  actually remember being at the ymca with

  my dad and I was there with the with the

  whole group of of elder statesman who

  ended up and they're declining years

  going to water aerobics

  you know all these guys that once was

  sat in the seat of power guys that it

  should look Henry Kissinger hand and now

  they're doing water aerobics to Paula

  Abdul CA and I had just bought my first

  house sent a note and like that before

  you know she started something very

  slowly moving in with her she started

  out of the dancer she was a later loser

  all right that's right click and read

  description just a licorice person

  no that's a little ping-pong did you

  know she was a lakers person

  yeah and she was on that television show

  well with weigh-in tomorrow with that

  guy with the captain Katie yeah wait

  wait and Martin's and he will hate

  living color

  yeah she was on the cool that's right

  that's right you always want to be a fly

  girls she's a fly girl that's correct my


  apply a girl a Flygirl flagger oh I'm

  sorry you are you were supposed to join

  in there outside fly girls there you go

  anyway you're getting water aerobics

  yeah one of the old men i was like i was

  there and i was like i just bought my

  first house and one of these old sons of

  bitches says oh good job at the top of

  the market

  haha shut up old make that happen and I

  was like oh you've seen some ups and

  downs in your day is that right is that

  what you're telling me you've seen the

  cycle you can you can peer through peer

  through the cheesecloth at the rest of

  us are looking through and you see the

  cycle of time

  Hakuna Matata asshole but his words rang

  in my head as the market crashed and my

  house was not worth what I paid for

  and i SAT here for several years going

  like oh this is this was this is the

  final straw

  I've never participating in wall street

  again I have never ever ever i am NOT

  joining this dumbass American economy

  that is such a blatant lie that has time

  after time duped me and my family

  personally and all of us collectively

  into believing that there is anything

  that is anything other than a shelter as

  any order that there's any kind of law

  that there's any kind of sense to it

  that isn't just just a bunch of made-up

  bullshit it's just a giant ripoff

  we're gonna really is it's just a giant

  it's just like two people at a roulette

  table where they have a button under the

  counter and they're like come play the

  music game of one big rule that button

  yeah so for a long time I you know I

  loved my house but I had this i have

  this tension the psychic tension about

  it like that if that somehow I had been

  cooked and that really the goal was to

  get up above water again and then get

  out of everything and go live on a

  sailboat go live in a shipping container

  but now that their economy has recovered

  and back I'm back in the black here i

  realized i still like my house and now

  my mortgage payment is less than any

  rent would be in this crazy nice and

  these crazy times and so yeah now i'm

  looking at being here for awhile and

  feeling like maybe I should get some

  drops maybe I should get some ethernet

  drops maybe I should a rehab that a that

  wing of the house that I've been meaning

  to do maybe I should build a yoga studio

  in the backyard

  this could be the time to put up the

  shelves you know put up some shelves

  that sometimes like some some built-ins

  get some built-ins maybe maybe have the

  fireplace taken out and replaced with

  the Franklin stove

  mm its cozy maybe dig out the basement

  and build a media room what about


  speaking Vietnamese have you ever

  thought about having two tunnels or I

  you know you can't say you can't say


  my life because that's what I that's

  what I want if I ever achieved anything

  like success all my single thing now in

  the houses i would want to have like

  that man isn't cabinets that aside i

  have some outbuildings yeah and uh and

  of course i would want a tunnel Network


  connecting all the outbuildings when

  something gets you past the pool in case

  you have to get away kind of Professor X

  you know to mention you need a way to

  get out off of the property right that's

  the thing is I mean no matter how good

  your defenses you still need a way to

  get out of your own property otherwise

  you just locked in its just like living

  in prison

  well this is one of the things that

  infuriated me about the movie Skyfall

  like Skyfall james bond goes out to his

  his childhood mansion in northern

  Scotland the caretaker is still there

  i'll write a little monk whole this


  yes I called what is called among pole I

  was awesome

  god I either with such a boner moment

  for me i would love to have a muckle

  goes behind the fireplace down into a

  secret passage and then somehow down in

  the basement it's like full of barrels

  of gunpowder and like it's not just

  among all its true like month we've been

  stocking up on plot devices for decades

  exactly it's like wow since the

  Revolutionary War you guys have been

  since you've been putting cannonballs

  down here what's what's in that day's ex

  machina box open it to find out but then

  in the film multiple times people follow

  this monk hole which is which which you

  you see these you see in the shots like

  it still has brick or stone walls it is

  still a passage that a man can walk in

  upright and then somehow they somehow

  there's 200 yards that they travel under

  the under the grass which we never see

  do they have to get down on their hands

  and knees it's totally unmaintained

  unless presently unless unless it has

  spooky candles

  yeah do they do they have do they run

  the entire way and then at the barrier

  that then we see them reappear in the

  yard but we never see the opening we

  always see it from over the time I don't

  remember this being that flimsy I'm

  gonna watch it probably get angry as

  you're frustrating because

  you're frustrating because

  it's it because it's it's not there's

  always some sort of chasing element

  where it's like you're what you're

  really interested in is are they going

  to make it over to the chapel or

  whatever it should be almost like The

  Great Escape where it should be a little

  bit perilous super-low like you know the

  thing is that's not going to be made

  who knows maybe that was a very

  expensive undertaking at the time but

  it's not going to be maintained it's

  going to be dangerous that should be a

  huge parallel getting out of there

  that's right and is it just open to the

  world then it then the entire thing is

  going to be filled with bears you know

  like what what it is there a dorm and

  there's no in the movie

  no one ever opens a door that just they

  run out this monk hole and may appear in

  the garden but you think it's probably

  good-looking zeroed or maybe like a dog


  well i would like to see that I like

  that the screen it's not on the screen i

  would like to see that technology

  revealed because i am interested in

  building among whole passageway to the

  to the sin just in case I ever have to

  escape from a very poorly explained

  barcelona bad guy who was living in on

  an island in China with computers taking

  over the world but really he wants


  let's get busy it's not a good look at

  you getting terrible movies a really

  good movie i did not about the Bears

  it's awful that movie like really good

  and so so this the problem the problem

  of that monk hole is 200 yards of it

  plus a door go unexplained I can't get

  away from the upkeep issues you think

  about how wet it is got to be there it

  Scotland right it's this guy wetplace it

  slow me it's Modi its Scottish think

  didn't cave in and even if you assume

  that the caretaker guy is also

  maintaining the monk whole i would not

  count on that I wouldn't count on it

  either but let's say he's down there

  stockpiling muskets and sabers and and

  again more likely to be recently

  disappeared children down there right

  something terrible what who is who is

  stashing what in the most stuff in the

  monk hole but then but then this whole

  business of like and then you just pop

  up in the

  garden like a did you pop up in the

  garden like the groundhog in Caddyshack

  no thank you that thing would be full of