Roderick on the Line

Ep. 114: "The Gentleman's B Party"


  this episode of rock on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by Squarespace the all-in-one [TS]

  platform that makes it fast and easy to [TS]

  create your own professional website [TS]

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  [Music] [TS]

  hello I job hi Merlin has gone pretty [TS]

  good good morning for pretty good yeah [TS]

  it's pretty early it's a yeah I was up [TS]

  in the I was up in the high desert for a [TS]

  few days and I came back down here to [TS]

  the low swamps for coastal swamps and [TS]

  last night I woke up and I woke myself [TS]

  up sneezing and melon I sneeze so hard I [TS]

  pulled a muscle in my chest that I [TS]

  welcome to the 40 [TS]

  haha i was but you know for the past [TS]

  week my nose has been as dry as the [TS]

  Sonora Desert and now the reason we [TS]

  don't work on crab boats so how about [TS]

  other than that I feel amazing [TS]

  yeah I i think i got more allergies as [TS]

  I've gotten older I got more sensitivity [TS]

  to those kinds of things and like I used [TS]

  to have a friend who had really bad [TS]

  allergies and should always be moved the [TS]

  moan when it was that like a nice day [TS]

  because of the high pressure and wreak [TS]

  havoc and i would think that's insane [TS]

  you're obviously a crazy person is that [TS]

  such things being allergic to grass and [TS]

  high pressure system what's wrong with [TS]

  you and now is the weather gets nice and [TS]

  wake up in the morning and i pulled [TS]

  muscles [TS]

  yeah yeah now pull the muscles in my [TS]

  chest and bustle i'm not even sure I [TS]

  remembered I had kind of rapture house [TS]

  amazing could have pulled it but you [TS]

  know I think there are many small [TS]

  muscles in the body that we don't think [TS]

  about i think i first learned about this [TS]

  roller skating you know in like I was a [TS]

  kid and in your roller skate when you [TS]

  don't normally rollerskate and you [TS]

  discover that there are so many tiny [TS]

  muscles the little muscles in the area [TS]

  near your ball area you know what I mean [TS]

  even your groin muscles you're right [TS]

  that's right that's right that's the [TS]

  technical term [TS]

  Yeah Yeah right well you you learn that [TS]

  right by trying to trying to shoot the [TS]

  moon or or walk the dog or whatever it [TS]

  is that you do on a roller skate [TS]

  I think this might be yoyo tricks [TS]

  that's what you want the sleeper drinks [TS]

  can hurt you in the groin alaria to I i [TS]

  have not been rollerskating I [TS]

  rollerskating just came up in [TS]

  conversation I got a lot of trouble [TS]

  seeing you rollerskating well you know [TS]

  of course in our era when I was in sixth [TS]

  grade I don't think there was a cool [TS]

  thing to go do than go to the roller [TS]

  rink now in doubt that was the first I [TS]

  guess you know what it was that was the [TS]

  first my first experience with clubbing [TS]

  write that for a sixth grader that is [TS]

  going to the club and all the cool kids [TS]

  are there and some of the kids are there [TS]

  like unchaperoned kids skating around [TS]

  they know how to do the skating things [TS]

  and the girls are there it was Congress [TS]

  that the Congress skating rink on [TS]

  Congress Street was absolutely the the [TS]

  center of it was it was like going to [TS]

  the disco in Saturday Night Fever it was [TS]

  the thing everybody talked about all [TS]

  week and then I like I i went there like [TS]

  twice and I felt completely out of my [TS]

  depth [TS]

  I just play quick the whole time well [TS]

  well and quick look listen no slight [TS]

  against quite a hell of a cake but you [TS]

  know i think i think i had an advantage [TS]

  this is one of the weird things about [TS]

  being both younger than your your [TS]

  extensible peers and also less mature [TS]

  than them at that age where girls were [TS]

  starting to you know really be [TS]

  interested in boys [TS]

  I remember girls getting interested in [TS]

  boys a long time before boys seem to [TS]

  reciprocate that interest but again that [TS]

  might have been my maturity but you know [TS]

  there were definitely kids there that [TS]

  were making out and engaging in boy-girl [TS]

  activities but i was so immature that my [TS]

  response to it was just to like skate [TS]

  right up to two kids who are clearly [TS]

  like about to neck you know stay right [TS]

  up to him ago you know like I was it was [TS]

  such a door you're on the skating rink [TS]

  spectrum [TS]

  well I'm not yet travel like [TS]

  understanding the emotions of those [TS]

  other people i did not understand and I [TS]

  and I didn't I also did not understand [TS]

  like that there was a new kind of hate [TS]

  that someone could feel for [TS]

  person which was the I was just about to [TS]

  kiss that person and you skated up to me [TS]

  and said this army [TS]

  wow you know like i was i was so I was [TS]

  such an anything with these were these [TS]

  were my peers and friends in school we [TS]

  were the same class and same grade but I [TS]

  was fully two years late maturity wise [TS]

  and so just I was oblivious i was still [TS]

  a little kid and we're listening to [TS]

  blondie and things were happening people [TS]

  were feeling feelings and I was not I [TS]

  was not feeling feelings i was feeling [TS]

  only the thrill of the speed of the wind [TS]

  in my hair and that's it and the pure [TS]

  adrenaline panic of not understanding [TS]

  what was going on with my friends I [TS]

  totally agree [TS]

  I've said this a hundred times i keep [TS]

  saying it I I feel a little less like [TS]

  this now but pretty much for all of my [TS]

  life I felt like there was a manual that [TS]

  I didn't receive and particularly that [TS]

  there was some kind of honor on some [TS]

  kind of after school class that [TS]

  everybody was getting on how to be a [TS]

  person is it every step of the way I [TS]

  felt like wow what how do you guys [TS]

  understand what this system is how do [TS]

  you understand how to navigate in the [TS]

  system and I think you know it's fucked [TS]

  up system but I think girls did [TS]

  understand that there was a system and [TS]

  and what they're placing it could be [TS]

  better than a lot of guys and earlier [TS]

  but back then it was completely [TS]

  inscrutable to me it was it was a very [TS]

  lonely experience a feeling I don't even [TS]

  know there's no library book that i [TS]

  could get that would help me explain how [TS]

  to not just even like finally want to [TS]

  kiss me like to even like fit in at the [TS]

  most basic I was invisible I felt [TS]

  invisible to place like that [TS]

  yeah I I think about this a lot because [TS]

  that that missing manual i mean in one [TS]

  way I remember hearing stories about [TS]

  there's a girl in my class who was super [TS]

  bright super funny in a way like I felt [TS]

  I now i'm talking about seventh grade [TS]

  but I felt a kinship with their [TS]

  and then the story went around that she [TS]

  not only was drinking alcohol but like [TS]

  drinking it before school and later on I [TS]

  I knew her well when we got to be adults [TS]

  and understood that she had a terrible [TS]

  family life and was was drinking before [TS]

  7th grade she actually was doing it [TS]

  yeah oh my god but i can't imagine that [TS]

  well and they're the only other thing is [TS]

  like this is Allah Alaska and a lot of [TS]

  kids were you know a lot of otherwise [TS]

  normal kids were huffing paint and [TS]

  drinking before school and you know [TS]

  going out to their car to do like with [TS]

  its just to let you know in between [TS]

  class that fits that shop lifted just to [TS]

  like blackout the you know the that [TS]

  there's a colors of there's a base level [TS]

  of trauma happening in Alaska to among [TS]

  Alaska youth in the seventies that that [TS]

  I I can't imagine is true anywhere [TS]

  outside of like West Virginia but but i [TS]

  remember hearing very stressful [TS]

  well yeah because the adults up there [TS]

  were not we're not running the show the [TS]

  way that you would you know it was a it [TS]

  was a it was a frontier mentality a lot [TS]

  of people were up there making a ton of [TS]

  money during the oil boom and they were [TS]

  irresponsible people to begin with you [TS]

  know they were like oil workers so not [TS]

  not what you're gonna you know not [TS]

  people that have a lot of impulse [TS]

  control they're gonna talk about your [TS]

  friend who had gone through this is kind [TS]

  of a case of [TS]

  there's a lock like lightning striking [TS]

  and you just suddenly go from being a [TS]

  schlub being somebody who has ten times [TS]

  more money than you've ever had before [TS]

  oh yeah and-and-and the and I think [TS]

  you're seeing this happen in edmonton [TS]

  canada now yeah and kind of around the [TS]

  world what happens in in these in these [TS]

  frontier situations is that guy's of [TS]

  people who are like very very [TS]

  working-class like wrench Turner's and [TS]

  you know like Derek workers are suddenly [TS]

  elevated just threw cash alone into like [TS]

  the cliq firmly upper-middle-class [TS]

  resources right like so people are [TS]

  coming from Oklahoma they're coming from [TS]

  Arkansas they're coming from Louisiana [TS]

  and they've been working on the oil [TS]

  derricks down there and they come to [TS]

  Alaska and their pay is quadrupled and [TS]

  they know it's a really mixed blessing [TS]

  in the long run [TS]

  yeah and they don't have any roots up [TS]

  there either and and the nature of the [TS]

  country is anything goes right so so you [TS]

  get I mean you know a massive influx of [TS]

  sex workers a massive influx of drug [TS]

  people [TS]

  everybody's up there and there's just [TS]

  money everywhere and then it that this [TS]

  happened over and over and over again in [TS]

  Alaska because the the fishing went [TS]

  crazy the notes of gold rush mentality [TS]

  so a lot of these people had kids and [TS]

  they weren't looking out for the kids [TS]

  and the the drugs and the sex and the [TS]

  violence was all happening all around [TS]

  this kind of generation of kids and that [TS]

  talk about kids that came of age [TS]

  starting in start between 1970 in 1985 [TS]

  or something you know it was just a it [TS]

  there was so much intensity and the [TS]

  adults were so checked out there [TS]

  probably working a lot to write well and [TS]

  that's the only thing like like two [TS]

  weeks on two weeks off [TS]

  yeah so so dad is just fully gone and [TS]

  then when he comes back he's movies his [TS]

  pockets full of cash he's raging [TS]

  um and very very nutty life right and I [TS]

  didn't want my family was was relatively [TS]

  stable by comparison but you know I hear [TS]

  this story but oh yeah you know what's [TS]

  your what's your buddy's is like coming [TS]

  to class drunk and the story goes around [TS]

  and it's not there's people are telling [TS]

  it like that that's a bit that's reason [TS]

  for concern there telling that story [TS]

  because that makes her incredibly cool [TS]

  like did you know that you know that a [TS]

  is like gets drunk before school [TS]

  what whoa yeah I know cool right [TS]

  and so that kind of information and and [TS]

  this happening kind of among my among [TS]

  people i know my friends put it in put [TS]

  the put the manual so much further out [TS]

  of my reach like I've never i don't have [TS]

  never had a beer or I mean I guess I had [TS]

  but i have never I wasn't intentionally [TS]

  getting drunk yet and that's a real [TS]

  that's a real line across when you're [TS]

  when you're in high school or younger is [TS]

  when you consciously go [TS]

  I think maybe I'm just puritanical or [TS]

  silly or something but it seems like [TS]

  there was a real difference between [TS]

  people who are like teehee i'm going to [TS]

  have a beer and a half and while we [TS]

  drive around a car versus people who [TS]

  would like plan ahead to have alcohol [TS]

  and get drunk on more than like a [TS]

  quarterly basis it really felt like a [TS]

  big divide i think it was adding two [TS]

  huge to find and and the and the only [TS]

  reason I think you would be doing that [TS]

  is that you are trying to you know [TS]

  you're trying to put X's where your eyes [TS]

  are ya [TS]

  because what whatever else is happening [TS]

  is like way worse and so there's a lot [TS]

  of that going on and then the the sex [TS]

  that that attended that and I i was a [TS]

  you know honestly still still worried [TS]

  about whether the agents of cobra we're [TS]

  going to succeed over in their plot to [TS]

  to capture GI joe this episode of [TS]

  Roderick online is sponsored by [TS]

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  our thanks to squarespace for supporting [TS]

  rod on the line we could not do it [TS]

  without them I i am feeling the [TS]

  beginning the very very very beginning [TS]

  of something I know it's gonna get a [TS]

  hundred times more complex but you know [TS]

  even even in kindergarten for my kid [TS]

  like there were there were there are [TS]

  certain kids that I mean there are [TS]

  certain kids that are aggressive [TS]

  certainly the little boys her age are [TS]

  very are very aggressive there are some [TS]

  kids who are you have some stuff going [TS]

  on and then there are some kids who are [TS]

  dicks and it's when you're around so [TS]

  many like I have to honestly say and you [TS]

  have met you had this to its kind of [TS]

  amazing how many of the kids in my [TS]

  daughter's kindergarten class we're [TS]

  actually really like nice cool kids with [TS]

  parents and another pain in the ass or [TS]

  whatever but they were like pretty [TS]

  normal kids so it really does stick out [TS]

  it's a pretty diverse it's a pretty [TS]

  diverse class but you know you know in [TS]

  most ways but it really does stick out [TS]

  when there's somebody who's like always [TS]

  getting in trouble [TS]

  because of a combination of not just [TS]

  impulse control but also lashing out [TS]

  where you see a kid it's it's still [TS]

  feels weird to see a five or even back [TS]

  on her preschools and countersunk these [TS]

  three or four year old boys there's one [TS]

  little boy that she was friends with it [TS]

  was a really sweet kid but like [TS]

  everything will be going fine he would [TS]

  suddenly become pretty aggressive then [TS]

  become violent and then burst into tears [TS]

  like one day he hit it with a shovel OH [TS]

  and they're really good friends and and [TS]

  then he just burst into tears and the [TS]

  kids three or four and so I gotta read [TS]

  on that personally woman with the end [TS]

  and I don't know how to translate but i [TS]

  want to say to her well you know that [TS]

  kids got some stuff going on probably in [TS]

  in and what I want to say to her though [TS]

  it's like when you meet people who do [TS]

  stuff that seems outrageous or are [TS]

  allowed to do stuff where this seems [TS]

  outrageous you see the behaving in a way [TS]

  that's very outrageous like that may not [TS]

  be just because they have cool parents [TS]

  that let them do what they want Lana I [TS]

  mean what I'm trying to say to her is [TS]

  like when you meet a bully almost every [TS]

  bully you meet got that way for a reason [TS]

  is because somebody bullied them and [TS]

  maybe i might be their dad might be [TS]

  their brother or their mom but that [TS]

  could probably make name I don't want to [TS]

  say but that kid may not have the [TS]

  happiest home life and school ends up [TS]

  being the place i'm not trying to excuse [TS]

  this but school maybe the place where [TS]

  they're trying to figure out how to [TS]

  explain it to a five-year-old though [TS]

  like your friend hit you with a shovel [TS]

  well I I know his dad's a little hard to [TS]

  talk to sometimes uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  does that resonate though while watching [TS]

  the little kids interact with each other [TS]

  at school and then you know [TS]

  extrapolating that to watching the [TS]

  adults that I know and then just trying [TS]

  to live in the world like it's hard to [TS]

  keep those two thoughts in mind which is [TS]

  that that everyone in the world is [TS]

  simultaneously like less monstrous then [TS]

  you want them to be or less monstrous [TS]

  than you think like everybody's doing [TS]

  the best job they can and everybody has [TS]

  a fairly similar tool box and people are [TS]

  generally good you know this is the [TS]

  something probably more or probably more [TS]

  alike or more almost [TS]

  like then we would imagine a lot of time [TS]

  exactly and it's the it's the it's the [TS]

  insight that you get when you're like oh [TS]

  I you know I like we've talked about a [TS]

  million times like people in the South [TS]

  are amazing and we spend a lot of time [TS]

  in the North demonizing them and then [TS]

  you go down there near like these are [TS]

  the most amazing people in the world was [TS]

  i talking about and it's true around the [TS]

  world everybody is generally great and [TS]

  everybody is is like smarter than you [TS]

  think and and better at what they're [TS]

  doing than you think and then on the [TS]

  flip side like how are we how do we [TS]

  manage even to have one day of peace in [TS]

  the world how do we manage to even it's [TS]

  absolutely perplexing he said this a few [TS]

  shows ago why it how is it and i really [TS]

  am going to this today because don't get [TS]

  me started about local public transit [TS]

  today [TS]

  oh my god but you were saying something [TS]

  about like I don't know how people drive [TS]

  to a job downtown and don't get a fist [TS]

  fight every day [TS]

  yeah and I know that's an exaggeration [TS]

  but i have to say i'm kind of surprised [TS]

  it doesn't happen more often [TS]

  I mean the kind of friction that you [TS]

  have with other people every day and [TS]

  just knowing how many people are really [TS]

  on a limb every day and barely keeping [TS]

  it together on how many of these kids [TS]

  like I you know our our our little [TS]

  preschool draws from a fairly affluent [TS]

  subset of the sort Capitol Hill [TS]

  population and there are a couple of [TS]

  kids who have beautiful homes and [TS]

  obviously like educated caring parents [TS]

  but the but those kids are out of [TS]

  control because the parenting choices [TS]

  it seems like they're being made are [TS]

  mostly like boy I don't know what to do [TS]

  I don't know what to do about it so I'm [TS]

  just gonna I'm just gonna give him a [TS]

  candy bar and set up in front of the [TS]

  television and and then after hour from [TS]

  now he'll calm down and I guess that's [TS]

  what parenting is you know like there's [TS]

  a lot of that going on that that it [TS]

  feels like yeah overtime that kid will [TS]

  become socialized by his peers and by [TS]

  the world and by school so that she can [TS]

  be [TS]

  he can go out into the world and get a [TS]

  jobby go to college like all these [TS]

  things will happen but at the center [TS]

  at the core of this person there is [TS]

  there is no relationship to other people [TS]

  you know the the core relationship which [TS]

  is like my mom and dad didn't let me be [TS]

  an animal sort of never happened and and [TS]

  and the kid is insulated because that [TS]

  they have well and so that he he isn't [TS]

  an animal because he's you know because [TS]

  he's in this big house and nobody can [TS]

  hear him you know he's not bothering [TS]

  people and also want to put too fine a [TS]

  point on it but also because they may [TS]

  have the resources to help back and I'm [TS]

  not trying to judge something that I [TS]

  struggle with and I'm aware of this is [TS]

  that if you have the resources and the [TS]

  time and time really means resources [TS]

  resources really means money [TS]

  it means you you've got a place where [TS]

  you can be all the time when you got [TS]

  home [TS]

  maybe you've got childcare all the time [TS]

  and you have a way to perpetually help [TS]

  your kid take the edge off and you're [TS]

  always there to give them maybe not [TS]

  exactly the next drink but you know what [TS]

  i mean you're almost there to get [TS]

  something I've talked about this a [TS]

  couple of places lately because it's [TS]

  really been on my mind is and really [TS]

  inspired by you in some ways is how to [TS]

  help a kid get to where they figure out [TS]

  that the it's not a good idea to expect [TS]

  other people to assume that other people [TS]

  made you feel bad or to expect that [TS]

  other people are going to be there to [TS]

  make you feel good whether that's [TS]

  through TV or whatever not I just cause [TS]

  I do struggle with that but but you're [TS]

  right and the thing is as long as those [TS]

  resources are there and there's a TV [TS]

  there and there's another bag of [TS]

  Eminem's there everything will be fine [TS]

  right and and and so this kid grows you [TS]

  know I see I'm seeing it more and more [TS]

  and this is kind of what we when we see [TS]

  these terrible videos or when people [TS]

  reveal themselves on the internet to be [TS]

  you know gross kind of frat boys like [TS]

  that that expose that just went around [TS]

  about all the all the CEOs of those [TS]

  startups in their twenties who it turns [TS]

  out alright racist frat boys or whatever [TS]

  it's like yeah that that's that's [TS]

  happening that's happening a lot of [TS]

  places you know and and the resources [TS]

  allow the person to grow up with a good [TS]

  vocabulary of a good education [TS]

  a good you know they had a they have a [TS]

  lot of friends and they have a they have [TS]

  the ability to have a cool car and you [TS]

  know they're popular and successful they [TS]

  succeed but like at that at the heart of [TS]

  their of their experience there's [TS]

  something crucial mission they were [TS]

  never they weren't domesticated they [TS]

  were just like when you get tired when [TS]

  you get tired in this giant room full of [TS]

  toys [TS]

  why don't you go into your other giant [TS]

  room full of toys or why don't you [TS]

  scroll through a thousand videos you [TS]

  could watch or why don't you you know [TS]

  you know and it's just like you're [TS]

  saying take another hit off of the crack [TS]

  pipe and then literally something's [TS]

  wrong with you let's go to the doctor [TS]

  and get some medicine that's gonna you [TS]

  know that's gonna like what why do you [TS]

  have trouble sitting still [TS]

  we're expected to not do the thing you [TS]

  immediately want to do 45 minutes yeah [TS]

  right we got you must have a you must [TS]

  have a disorder let's put ability right [TS]

  and and you and then you see other kids [TS]

  at the school whose parents are you know [TS]

  what you would call I guess I mean that [TS]

  they don't seem they don't seem strict [TS]

  to me maybe when I was a kid I watched [TS]

  other people's parents and was like wow [TS]

  that's a strict parent but there are [TS]

  parents at at that go to the coop [TS]

  preschool that I'm that my daughter goes [TS]

  to who are just like watching their kid [TS]

  and when the kid gets another kid with [TS]

  the shovel the parent is on them like a [TS]

  you know like instantly and not angry [TS]

  but like the parent is there a parent is [TS]

  saying I see you this is not good you [TS]

  are done or whatever you know and that [TS]

  kid is at the center of their existence [TS]

  is something right there is some feeling [TS]

  like that like somebody that loves them [TS]

  is watching them i guess for for better [TS]

  for worse so anyway yeah while I look [TS]

  around I mean I just I just did a bunch [TS]

  of traveling last week and everywhere [TS]

  you go like there are there are people [TS]

  everywhere and they're all making it [TS]

  their all making it work somehow [TS]

  and in the in this fitness fractal way [TS]

  of like every single person is paying [TS]

  their water bill this month every single [TS]

  person is [TS]

  you know manages to like put gas in [TS]

  their car but yesterday i was on an [TS]

  airplane and I kept hearing this [TS]

  so this clacking sound and I looked [TS]

  across the island there was a woman [TS]

  cutting her fingernails God on an [TS]

  airplane at fans toenails and central [TS]

  heating is a popular event on the s3 car [TS]

  out here [TS]

  sure I'm sure thanks click click and I'm [TS]

  sure she would have been clipping her [TS]

  toenails if if she didn't feel like [TS]

  there was some line you know he's not [TS]

  much stick not a monitor but she is she [TS]

  does have some part of something missing [TS]

  in her and it isn't just I don't think [TS]

  that no one ever told her you know she's [TS]

  a she's a woman in her forties or [TS]

  fifties and it's just it's just it's [TS]

  it's all those people that reply to me [TS]

  when I say don't wear sweatpants on an [TS]

  airplane or whatever they're like [TS]

  they're comfortable right yeah it's [TS]

  comfortable for her to cover the she [TS]

  needs to get this done it's comfortable [TS]

  for her but but somehow like all all of [TS]

  the as we as we loosen certain [TS]

  restrictions in order to have new [TS]

  exciting freedoms um we we we draw the [TS]

  curtain back on a lot of on a lot of [TS]

  people who who were only being held in [TS]

  the in the pack by by the rules you know [TS]

  so I i don't know i'm i'm continually [TS]

  astonished that we manage as people and [TS]

  I feel like that alone is I feel like [TS]

  that alone is that is all the proof I [TS]

  need or whatever you know like all the [TS]

  faith that I need in my life is that it [TS]

  continues to happen it's a I guess it's [TS]

  a I guess it's realpolitik a feeling [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah it will we're managing and if use [TS]

  if you zoom in or zoom out too far [TS]

  it all looks insane so the solution is [TS]

  don't do that [TS]

  dr. it hurts when I do this well don't [TS]

  do that man and that's a weird that's a [TS]

  weird place for somebody like me to to [TS]

  arrive like because i want to zoom in i [TS]

  want to zoom out i want to know I want [TS]

  to find the place where hurts and poke [TS]

  it poke it poke it but but like big big [TS]

  identity way big identity land [TS]

  yeah I just feel like we're doing it [TS]

  quit making it and then since it's [TS]

  really an improbable it you know the [TS]

  other thing is it like I'm not to make [TS]

  this all about the kids stuff but you [TS]

  know it's there there's so much stuff [TS]

  that is pretty boring i guess but like [TS]

  you know that every kid has it an innate [TS]

  is slightly flawed sense of justice [TS]

  about and in the middle sure the most [TS]

  basically i think the one kind of [TS]

  straight up way that comes out is if if [TS]

  there are five kids at a party and only [TS]

  for those kids got a slice of cake [TS]

  well I would have to agree unless [TS]

  there's some circumstances I understand [TS]

  somebody screwed up and that actually is [TS]

  kind of not fair right if it's a party [TS]

  where everybody gets cake that would be [TS]

  a nice thing but you know even stuff [TS]

  like it becomes really difficult to try [TS]

  and say only for example our kids school [TS]

  there's real super mixed signals about [TS]

  stuff like whether it's okay to have [TS]

  sugar they're like we got all these [TS]

  lectures about how you can never have [TS]

  sugar school nothing with sugar in it [TS]

  but even the even the teachers bring [TS]

  cookies sometimes I think it's fine [TS]

  personally but you know but the thing is [TS]

  that's that's what the problem becomes [TS]

  in that becomes a mixed message that is [TS]

  much more it's much more is about a lot [TS]

  more than sugar and because of little [TS]

  kid consistently see something that's at [TS]

  odds with what we said it would be [TS]

  that's the original confusion is is if [TS]

  it doesn't square in that way and to me [TS]

  that's good to go straight back to [TS]

  Congress skating rink where man I my mom [TS]

  worked so hard and tried so hard to give [TS]

  me what she could to keep me from not [TS]

  becoming a reprobate but of course I [TS]

  envied the boys whose parents didn't [TS]

  like the Nelson months kids you know [TS]

  what I mean whose parents didn't care [TS]

  where they were i envied them so much I [TS]

  thought they were so cool and and the [TS]

  girls who in some cases had some pretty [TS]

  clouded judgment about how to be [TS]

  spending their time [TS]

  huh the I just I I that world [TS]

  I mean it just it seemed magical to me [TS]

  like that I how do you get into that [TS]

  group and now i'm just i'm so glad that [TS]

  i was well you have that be the one when [TS]

  feathered hair was introduced to the [TS]

  world I could not make my hair feather [TS]

  right now [TS]

  one word there seems to be this line [TS]

  where there were these people with [TS]

  effortlessly feathered hair yes and they [TS]

  and effortlessly feathering hair and [TS]

  like cool getting drunk before school [TS]

  seemed to be like those Venn diagrams [TS]

  overlapped a lot and right up until [TS]

  feathering hair became became like [TS]

  universal and everyone had a giant comb [TS]

  sticking out of your back pocket another [TS]

  white pants either way gene it's uh huh [TS]

  i was my mom was still cutting my hair [TS]

  with a ruler and I just like a straight [TS]

  edge ruler and pretty much anything you [TS]

  put your head is slightly red not really [TS]

  and cutting my hair with a little [TS]

  carpenter that blames his tools for [TS]

  measuring tape or whatever and and then [TS]

  you know what she would go to sears and [TS]

  she would buy me outfits that matched [TS]

  rightly off-brand garanimals yeah like a [TS]

  like a like a like well this is a blue [TS]

  and orange lure v neck sweatshirt top [TS]

  and so we should have some blue and [TS]

  orange striped pants this is how this is [TS]

  an orange and yellow striped baseball [TS]

  shirt [TS]

  we should have some orange jeans you [TS]

  know like i was i I looked like it [TS]

  looked like an ice-cream cone whenever I [TS]

  look at an ice cream cone make sure that [TS]

  experiment yeah and-and-and I was [TS]

  perfectly comfortable in those outfits [TS]

  because you know first my mom had picked [TS]

  them [TS]

  and so how they make it they could be [TS]

  wrong but also like my favorite color is [TS]

  orange and I had orange jeans on what [TS]

  other criteria would a person have if [TS]

  you could if your favorite color was [TS]

  orange and you could have orange jeans [TS]

  why would you not and then I I sort of [TS]

  walked through these giant doors into [TS]

  teenager dumb and like leaving aside the [TS]

  orange James for a second just the fact [TS]

  that that my that my hair looks like a [TS]

  motorcycle helmet and all these kids [TS]

  with this hair that's just like that [TS]

  just it really looked like feathers this [TS]

  you kind of have the haircut [TS]

  you've got the car cross between like [TS]

  the ruler haircut in like a little bit [TS]

  of charlie bucket on the cover of your [TS]

  first record you can get that rocking a [TS]

  little bit [TS]

  well that's the thing like I if I could [TS]

  it's it's basically the haircut that [TS]

  every member of Creedence Clearwater [TS]

  Revival and hannah i'ma go get my hair [TS]

  cut it the best illustrated it's you [TS]

  know it's it's like I mean my mom didn't [TS]

  not know how to cut hair she she cut it [TS]

  as as well as needed to be cut because [TS]

  it sentences my attitude about the child [TS]

  to it's like it's a child but your order [TS]

  to grow back [TS]

  yeah evidence and also like you're [TS]

  giving it a cool haircut [TS]

  why the hell would you give a good child [TS]

  cool haircut like oh I see why you would [TS]

  give the child cool haircut because the [TS]

  child is a toy to you but but [TS]

  practically what what a kid needs is [TS]

  like no no cool haircut [TS]

  I mean honestly but yeah the be given a [TS]

  beater car a cheap cheap guitar same [TS]

  idea a little bit over the the Giro love [TS]

  sushi model of like your child should [TS]

  work in your sushi restaurant their [TS]

  entire life until they're old enough to [TS]

  cut trail until I die and then you will [TS]

  take over the sushi restaurant that is [TS]

  the you know that that's the premise but [TS]

  don't worry about it gets cut it in my [TS]

  in my in my experience like like that [TS]

  the consistency is the consistency of [TS]

  like the adult world [TS]

  I don't have I'm not worried about [TS]

  explaining that to my kid because [TS]

  because i feel like in general we've [TS]

  established with her that like there are [TS]

  restaurant rules and there are library [TS]

  rules and there are home rules and those [TS]

  rules are different and that doesn't [TS]

  need to be explained to you you know [TS]

  that we're in a restaurant restaurant [TS]

  rules apply those are different than [TS]

  house rules and so just follow the [TS]

  restaurant rules these are that this is [TS]

  that sort of uncomplicated way that we [TS]

  traverse the world and if we're in a [TS]

  restaurant and and someone up some kid [TS]

  across the restaurant isn't obeying [TS]

  restaurant rules [TS]

  that's not our problem you don't use the [TS]

  D that's still difficult i mean even if [TS]

  she's very she's very curious about like [TS]

  what is that little boy doing why is he [TS]

  doing that it's like well then that's [TS]

  also when you get into the when you go [TS]

  on that further concentric circle out [TS]

  from like cake at the party is an [TS]

  awkward thing where like if we just [TS]

  decided something at the last minute [TS]

  after school like hey can we go to this [TS]

  place everybody else going to sure and [TS]

  that could be the comic book store it's [TS]

  the park or something like that [TS]

  well and the thing is sometimes one [TS]

  parent sometimes that one parent is me [TS]

  is like oh sure you can have an ice [TS]

  cream cone or short you can have atomic [TS]

  and then the other kids are like oh my [TS]

  god what they give it that I should get [TS]

  that right and that is like as much as [TS]

  he that is clear in your mind or my mind [TS]

  is very difficult to explain and and I [TS]

  get that [TS]

  yeah it's not extremely arbitrary and [TS]

  basically unfair but that is that is a [TS]

  kind of unfairness that I'm very [TS]

  comfortable communicating to her is just [TS]

  a part of existence like her to her [TS]

  childhood justice which is such a super [TS]

  which is super heightened and understood [TS]

  you know it it's like yeah sometimes the [TS]

  teat gets knocked out of your mouth kid [TS]

  but you know like we got back up we we [TS]

  all would be just on sucking on the [TS]

  teeth all the time but we're not and so [TS]

  sometimes the other kids get ice cream [TS]

  cones some times blankety-blank [TS]

  and-and-and definitely within within her [TS]

  parenting structure like her mother is [TS]

  it's not it's not that I don't think [TS]

  that she doesn't care but like she uh [TS]

  her mother is oblivious to [TS]

  her playing with ice in her cup at a [TS]

  restaurant by which I mean the way to [TS]

  reach a filthy hand in and grab ice [TS]

  later comes over puts a pint glass of [TS]

  iced down in front of the kid and [TS]

  immediately I am looking at the glass [TS]

  and I'm looking at her and her mother is [TS]

  not her mother is studying the menu [TS]

  her mother is you're looking around and [TS]

  the first thing that she does is she [TS]

  reaches her filthy little hand into her [TS]

  ice into what she sees as a fantastic [TS]

  ice water bucket that is that somebody [TS]

  put down here you know all she's new so [TS]

  she needs a shovel to begin having fun [TS]

  and look there's a giant spoon she does [TS]

  have a shovel and so a way she goes and [TS]

  if you're not sitting there saying like [TS]

  hey hey hey guess what we don't do we [TS]

  don't pull the ice out of our class [TS]

  because you're a dumb little baby first [TS]

  one you pulled a class over on you and [TS]

  then you're gonna be soaking wet and [TS]

  we're all gonna you know how how many [TS]

  times does it have to happen before we [TS]

  just don't do it anymore but in her [TS]

  world there is the fundamental [TS]

  inconsistency of when she's out to [TS]

  dinner with her mother she by themselves [TS]

  she might be playing in her water glass [TS]

  the whole time but why we're the worst [TS]

  at that but when her father died at that [TS]

  you know like no you're not it that's [TS]

  and all the sudden that seems arbitrary [TS]

  well then she's staring at me with her [TS]

  like her dark eyes she's giving me the [TS]

  glare across the table like why are you [TS]

  prohibiting me from doing what I want [TS]

  and then we're then we have a new [TS]

  problem which is your glaring at daddy [TS]

  which is also not a thing that we do and [TS]

  you know friend but she understands that [TS]

  rules the rules are different with Daddy [TS]

  and they're not radically different it's [TS]

  not like daddy comes in and says before [TS]

  we eat we all take off our clothes and [TS]

  sing Kumbaya and everyone in the [TS]

  restaurant staring at us but that's just [TS]

  what what we do with Daddy [TS]

  I mean it's just no it's it's a level of [TS]

  it's within the realm of normal but the [TS]

  rules are different and every person [TS]

  should understand that because otherwise [TS]

  you get situations where you are [TS]

  clipping your fucking nails on an [TS]

  airplane [TS]

  yeah you know like that as the rules are [TS]

  different but there are restaurant rules [TS]

  their airplane rules and you know within [TS]

  within within a realm of variation but [TS]

  for me the idea that you would take your [TS]

  shoes and socks off on an airplane and [TS]

  put your feet up on the bulkhead is out [TS]

  that's off the reservation it's outside [TS]

  of what anyone would call reasonable [TS]

  airplane rules over but I have a picture [TS]

  of myself sitting in first class next to [TS]

  a guy who took his shoes and socks off [TS]

  and put his feet up on the bulkhead [TS]

  where we were in row a and his feet are [TS]

  bare feet on the bulkhead and you know [TS]

  the flight attendants aren't going to [TS]

  say anything [TS]

  and here's this guy who's obviously like [TS]

  he he has enough privilege that he is [TS]

  sitting here and he's just taking it [TS]

  taking it all the way like his comfort [TS]

  above all else [TS]

  so what we're watching other kids and [TS]

  watching the way that they're at their [TS]

  parents are there and loving and caring [TS]

  and have the resources and ability but [TS]

  there's just that she little piece of [TS]

  attentiveness or attention or or like or [TS]

  personal authority or just understanding [TS]

  what the job is your job is not to give [TS]

  your kid a cool haircut and make sure [TS]

  that your kids are cool because then [TS]

  your kid is going to be getting drunk [TS]

  before school because that's that's the [TS]

  only way they're going to fill that hole [TS]

  you know your job is to say what the [TS]

  rules are and to make the kids feel [TS]

  loved as you take the glass of water [TS]

  away from them and say we don't play [TS]

  with water and our table [TS]

  it's also kinda like you're really [TS]

  reductive about it it turns on how you [TS]

  look at your job or how you look at your [TS]

  kid as a thing and I've had to become [TS]

  more aware of something that it's like [TS]

  do you look at this person as a retired [TS]

  baby [TS]

  we're at the future as a future fucked [TS]

  up human rights adult right i mean [TS]

  they're both human but like so is a [TS]

  retired baby or a a you know future [TS]

  fucked up person because everybody's [TS]

  going to be a fucked up person [TS]

  yeah and if you look at that that's I [TS]

  think there's ways that you can try and [TS]

  take those to faders and adjust them in [TS]

  a way that becomes a little bit more [TS]

  sensible because on the one hand you go [TS]

  I understand why you're impatient i hate [TS]

  being here to this really does suck and [TS]

  and so maybe I can do something to try [TS]

  and now you can play the iphone or maybe [TS]

  you could do this game or when we're [TS]

  done here we'll take a walk in [TS]

  mysterious ways you can try to relieve [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah but then the other part of it is [TS]

  yeah but you also do sometimes you know [TS]

  have to go wait in these lines because [TS]

  that's the thing we have to do I don't [TS]

  make it unbearable for you because i do [TS]

  have boring wants to be kid was really [TS]

  boring a lot of the time but you don't [TS]

  need to think about I don't know i'm a [TS]

  30 bone here it makes me think a little [TS]

  bit i know you enjoy talking about [TS]

  things like entrepreneurs and and the [TS]

  super-wealthy I feel like I'm an [TS]

  entrepreneur expert [TS]

  yes yes I understand tired entrepreneur [TS]

  I understand what their what their [TS]

  culture ends and I i really want to get [TS]

  really want to dig down i would want to [TS]

  open the kimono gershon deep-dive I look [TS]

  at you know then again this comes from [TS]

  being and coming from a modest [TS]

  background [TS]

  the only thing that I find more [TS]

  flummoxing then I found cute girls in [TS]

  tight pants when I was 13 is to look at [TS]

  people who really do like they make [TS]

  millions millions or like a billion [TS]

  dollars and then they move on to the [TS]

  next thing is even bigger and they work [TS]

  even harder and even somebody something [TS]

  like but you know Donald Trump I mean [TS]

  how many times it seemed made and lost [TS]

  and remade a fortune and I find those [TS]

  kinds of people they might as well be [TS]

  from another planet because because I'm [TS]

  that kind of person that would did that [TS]

  like I'm down like maybe a just a half [TS]

  turn away from a lottery ticket person [TS]

  Ron like a you know if I had a company [TS]

  that made that kind of money I would you [TS]

  know trying to things like to take care [TS]

  of college and you know settle my things [TS]

  and and be but mostly I would try to [TS]

  like have more time to do stuff and [TS]

  that's the last thing on some of these [TS]

  guys minds [TS]

  yeah so what do you think is there any [TS]

  connection at all to the kinds of things [TS]

  we're talking about here like that you [TS]

  like analyze what they were as kids but [TS]

  you think that comes from a slight [TS]

  super abundance of independence as a kid [TS]

  that made them want to try stuff does it [TS]

  potentially come from [TS]

  I you know an unquenchable feeling of [TS]

  self that needs to constantly be read [TS]

  refilled or something else like where [TS]

  did it come from [TS]

  what makes people what makes the biggest [TS]

  pile is not a great example but what is [TS]

  it that makes people want to go and just [TS]

  keep making these bigger and bigger [TS]

  companies and bigger your products and [TS]

  be involved in bigger and bigger things [TS]

  to any sense of that [TS]

  well I I I think about this a lot and [TS]

  and and especially because some of that [TS]

  desire to do to do bigger and bigger [TS]

  things and more and more things is like [TS]

  at the heart of my own my own problems [TS]

  I i went into a coffee shop the other [TS]

  day and the guy behind the counter was a [TS]

  guy i knew i was like a man how's it [TS]

  going he's like great man you know how [TS]

  are you and we talked and he's got a [TS]

  couple of kids and he made me like the [TS]

  most delicious espresso that I've had in [TS]

  weeks and I say that as a guy sitting [TS]

  here drinking week old coffee that he [TS]

  kept in the fridge while he was gone but [TS]

  like this beautiful espresso and I was [TS]

  standing out front of the coffee shop [TS]

  talking to another friend of mine and I [TS]

  was like I didn't know that this guy's [TS]

  you know like like I guess I didn't know [TS]

  that he worked here at this cafe I you [TS]

  know I know him from around town life my [TS]

  other friends like yeah he's worked at [TS]

  this cafe since like 96 and I was kind [TS]

  of taken aback by it [TS]

  he's my age she's got two kids he's at [TS]

  in some crucial way like he is [TS]

  practicing the art of espresso and this [TS]

  is a thing that happens here in Seattle [TS]

  that's that predates the artisanal [TS]

  mustache world who where we were we [TS]

  recognized espresso making as a craft [TS]

  and it was I guess it was always sort of [TS]

  hipster world but that that thing alone [TS]

  was a was a world that you could go into [TS]

  with kind of pride and the guy who [TS]

  who started stumptown coffee came out of [TS]

  this this particular cafe and and and [TS]

  this place never had it the guy that [TS]

  owned it never had an interest in [TS]

  expanding and becoming a 20 chain thing [TS]

  they were just into their place and they [TS]

  just make perfect coffee there and the [TS]

  end so this cafe has a whole culture of [TS]

  people who go there and it's like it's [TS]

  it's kind of like a like a blast from [TS]

  the past like it used to be before [TS]

  before everything needed to become a [TS]

  thing you know what it's getting what I [TS]

  could just sit and be a little thing [TS]

  yeah anyway and I was reflecting on the [TS]

  fact that i like this guy he did just [TS]

  make me a fantastic cup of coffee but [TS]

  the idea of deciding at age 24 that [TS]

  you're going to be a you're going to be [TS]

  the world's greatest barista or not even [TS]

  that you're just going to try and be a [TS]

  better barrese to every day and that [TS]

  that that would be that kind of [TS]

  contentment could come into your life [TS]

  through that practice and that you would [TS]

  not every day I wake up and go why don't [TS]

  I own this cafe [TS]

  why don't I own why don't I own the [TS]

  house across the street from this cafe [TS]

  so I can sit in that house and look out [TS]

  the window at my cafe you know why don't [TS]

  I why haven't I written a book about how [TS]

  to be a priest that is a that is the [TS]

  biggest book ever about it you know that [TS]

  constant drive 22 like a on the surface [TS]

  of it and the weather way that in the [TS]

  past like my ex-girlfriends of all [TS]

  criticized me for us like the outward [TS]

  expression of it it always seems like oh [TS]

  you just want to be a big wheel like [TS]

  you're not content to just sit and pull [TS]

  coffee you want to be a big shot you [TS]

  want to be the big the big wheel and [TS]

  that is that's an impure motivation and [TS]

  you should you should find contentment [TS]

  in just living a good life and and all [TS]

  the all these all these things that [TS]

  people say like if you have a couple of [TS]

  good friends and and you know and a [TS]

  couple low and browse boy our children [TS]

  but but I think at the core at least for [TS]

  me is this desire to this desire to like [TS]

  well what are we doing here [TS]

  like if we're not moving the ball [TS]

  forward on what it means to be human if [TS]

  we're not helping each other if we're [TS]

  not making it easier for the next [TS]

  generation if we're not if we're not [TS]

  trying to solve the problems that our [TS]

  fathers and mothers created if we're not [TS]

  like engaged in this life in pursuit of [TS]

  something something that maybe we'll [TS]

  never know you know something that [TS]

  ultimately is just that we one day send [TS]

  out a probe and it connects to another [TS]

  it connects to extraterrestrial [TS]

  intelligence or you know who knows what [TS]

  the freaking purpose is but if you're [TS]

  not if you're not pursuing it like there [TS]

  is a purpose and and within that like at [TS]

  least I feel like I should be part of [TS]

  the advance guard of that night and I [TS]

  feel like maybe the guy who's making [TS]

  espresso everyday is fulfilling that [TS]

  purpose also but but I perceive my job [TS]

  to be as an explorer and as somebody who [TS]

  is trying to like trying to advance that [TS]

  ball but it comes up against this thing [TS]

  that actually came up [TS]

  um in the course of a Rodricks [TS]

  rendezvous the other day where as I was [TS]

  kind of free talking which is what I do [TS]

  out that show basically like I roll my [TS]

  eyes back in my head until you can see [TS]

  the whites and then I've been a free [TS]

  talk for half an hour and and then I the [TS]

  secular version of speaking in tongues [TS]

  yeah yeah well I just like here's what I [TS]

  was thinking about today I thought about [TS]

  some thoughts would you like to hear a [TS]

  bad it's there I go here I go here go no [TS]

  um but but I i was sort of reflecting on [TS]

  the fact that that there are limits to [TS]

  human pain and also limits to human joy [TS]

  and the the way we can tell that there [TS]

  are limits to human pain is that if [TS]

  there were not [TS]

  there are some people who have [TS]

  experienced so much pain in their life [TS]

  that it would make life impossible right [TS]

  how could you survive the Holocaust and [TS]

  then go on and live the rest of your [TS]

  life and and live to be 90 how could you [TS]

  do it how could there there are people [TS]

  who have experienced such incredible [TS]

  trauma that if there wasn't a floor to [TS]

  the amount of pain we could we could [TS]

  experience that people would drop all [TS]

  the way through and then attend the [TS]

  thing is there are people who do drop [TS]

  all the way through their suicides and [TS]

  there are all kinds of you know there [TS]

  are all kinds of people who fall and [TS]

  keep falling but for the most of us know [TS]

  this is why when when you talk about [TS]

  drug addicts or anything else we need to [TS]

  talk about that they hit their bottom [TS]

  and there's another way of looking at [TS]

  that bottom which is that it is this [TS]

  Blessid limit [TS]

  there's a there's a floor to the amount [TS]

  of suffering that you can experience and [TS]

  at that at once you hit that floor you [TS]

  know imagine losing your child I imagine [TS]

  imagine losing your child where you are [TS]

  responsible somehow like maybe you [TS]

  couldn't survive if there were a floor [TS]

  to the amount of suffering we can [TS]

  actually experience and once you hit [TS]

  that bottom then as they say there's [TS]

  nowhere to go but up and we can survive [TS]

  these terrible things and we can [TS]

  continue on but the flip side of that is [TS]

  that there is a ceiling to the amount of [TS]

  joy that we can experience and a lot of [TS]

  these people who are our what [TS]

  characterizes multi millionaires and [TS]

  billionaires is this constant trying to [TS]

  trying to achieve a an enjoyment of [TS]

  luxury or enjoyment of success that they [TS]

  just can't they they hit they put their [TS]

  ceiling and no and so they keep buying [TS]

  luxury watches are there like I want all [TS]

  the furniture in my house to be made out [TS]

  of ocelot fur and if the if I get you [TS]

  know if I get that then that is going to [TS]

  then I'm really going to sign [TS]

  whatever you get reach that you've got [TS]

  no more opulence there's no there's [TS]

  nothing that's not helping at that point [TS]

  yeah i mean but they are thinking like [TS]

  that's what I deserve that's what's [TS]

  going to make me feel like better or [TS]

  whatever and and like the fact is like I [TS]

  have the good fortune periodically to [TS]

  stay at the Chateau Marmont in LA which [TS]

  is a kind of shabby chic you know that [TS]

  people take care of you the food is [TS]

  fairly good the rooms are comfortable [TS]

  and realizing a long time ago I was [TS]

  sitting in that hotel and I was like if [TS]

  you had more money if you had so much [TS]

  money that well first of all there's [TS]

  there's the amount of money you could [TS]

  have where you could stay at the Chateau [TS]

  Marmont any time you wanted and not not [TS]

  think about it and that seems like a [TS]

  nice amount of money right if you have [TS]

  that much money where you come to LA and [TS]

  just be like oh I'm staying at the [TS]

  Chateau minister for two weeks who cares [TS]

  that seems like that seems like a great [TS]

  resource and and yet there are people [TS]

  who for whom the the idea of staying in [TS]

  such a crappy place you know is like [TS]

  would be an insult to them and and and I [TS]

  see this in airports all the time I'm [TS]

  walking around I'm like the airport is a [TS]

  kind of place now where if you are even [TS]

  in an airport [TS]

  you're not in the top class of people [TS]

  anymore and so that's been a shift that [TS]

  you getting your in jan or something [TS]

  beyond your own gender you'd be in a [TS]

  charter jet you'd be in you you would be [TS]

  in a different terminal and so everybody [TS]

  in this airport is basically we are all [TS]

  compressed into the same cattle chute [TS]

  and the people who are people who are in [TS]

  double first class and who who poured [TS]

  earlier platinum rewards double french [TS]

  class platinum rewards double first [TS]

  class are just fooling themselves [TS]

  because they're gonna have to go through [TS]

  that same TSA line and they're gonna and [TS]

  even you know and they might have [TS]

  pre-check but there's a woman in pre [TS]

  check in on a rascal scooter whether [TS]

  whether pants full of beanie babies [TS]

  Nevel like there's no there is no [TS]

  there's no route to the airport that [TS]

  doesn't at some point or another end up [TS]

  with you standing there with your Louis [TS]

  Vuitton luggage standing in line behind [TS]

  a guy who's got his toenail clippers out [TS]

  and is ready right guy who drinks a [TS]

  little too much and almost finished an [TS]

  associate's degree touching your balls [TS]

  up so but the idea that there's a [TS]

  ceiling on pleasure and this is and this [TS]

  is what this is kind of the pic the [TS]

  crazy thing about the about my [TS]

  relationship to capitalism which is that [TS]

  like unlimited wealth unlimited [TS]

  opportunity unlimited success is not [TS]

  unlimited [TS]

  it is it is absolutely limited by the [TS]

  compression that's on our own experience [TS]

  the similarity that we all have to one [TS]

  another and the fact that past a certain [TS]

  amount of luxury freedom enjoyment you [TS]

  know pleasure like there is no more [TS]

  you cannot you cannot chase that dragon [TS]

  any further [TS]

  you cannot have any better sex that [TS]

  you've already had and you cannot have [TS]

  any better sleep than you've already had [TS]

  and so all of the rest of it is wasted [TS]

  effort you know like misdirected [TS]

  resources and wasted a pursuit of [TS]

  something that is just like here we go [TS]

  with what you know we're all sitting and [TS]

  watching these rich people like arc [TS]

  across the sky and thinking wow there [TS]

  that you know they must be having such [TS]

  an amazing white-hot experience but [TS]

  they're sitting on the in a bit of a [TS]

  very comfortable chair and they have a [TS]

  hangnail just like I have a hangnail you [TS]

  know and they're paying somebody [TS]

  eighteen hundred dollars a month to take [TS]

  your eighteen hundred dollars a week to [TS]

  take care of their nails but like the [TS]

  but ultimately that that that ceiling in [TS]

  that floor compresses what we can feel [TS]

  and if we could just acknowledge that [TS]

  somehow and feel like all right you know [TS]

  you you cross the finish line you are in [TS]

  pleasure time now this is as good as it [TS]

  gets [TS]

  so like don't spend any more like wait [TS]

  so we're not going to devote billions of [TS]

  dollars of our collective wealth to [TS]

  support your your pursuit of more more [TS]


  we're going to we're gonna go to channel [TS]

  that in a different direction trying to [TS]

  raise the boat for some other people to [TS]

  get out of the swamps I guess that's the [TS]

  logic of like a socialist mentality [TS]

  right that's the that's the logic of [TS]

  socialism is just that once you know [TS]

  once a certain percentage of people are [TS]

  up above up above the ceiling then what [TS]

  we should really do is turn our [TS]

  attention to all the people who are [TS]

  below the floor i think it I think it's [TS]

  it i think that's borne out in every [TS]

  single individual persons like you look [TS]

  at those pictures of Richard Branson who [TS]

  has his own Island and he's and he's out [TS]

  there with Mick Jagger and a bunch of 24 [TS]

  year old virgin airline stewardesses and [TS]

  they are having jet ski races and the [TS]

  only reason i know that this is [TS]

  happening is that there are photographs [TS]

  of it and the only reason there are [TS]

  photographs of it is that Richard [TS]

  Branson have hired somebody to stand [TS]

  waist-deep in the in the luke warm ocean [TS]

  water and make sure that they documented [TS]

  this experience because Richard Branson [TS]

  doesn't believe that it exists unless [TS]

  it's photographed and publicized and you [TS]

  see the look on his face and he's a [TS]

  handsome guy who has got a lot of money [TS]

  and he's having what we all think of as [TS]

  a you know peak experience like he's [TS]

  naked jets game with Mick Jagger but the [TS]

  look of rigor mortis on their faces is [TS]

  the look of somebody who isn't who does [TS]

  not [TS]

  who does not know how to enjoy things [TS]

  and he can only you know he's so it is [TS]

  so you have to photograph it [TS]

  the only enjoyment he's really getting [TS]

  is making sure that other people saw [TS]

  this and making sure that you know he is [TS]

  Anna and he doesn't seem coming he seems [TS]

  like a monster but not the worst kind [TS]

  right at least he is you know at least [TS]

  he's not using his wealth to like make [TS]

  sure that people don't get I'm kind of [TS]

  surprised that doesn't happen more often [TS]

  because it seems like there's a fork in [TS]

  the road where you get I'm great at the [TS]

  kind of interesting you get to a certain [TS]

  point and you've got everything anybody [TS]

  could ever want you been on the cover of [TS]

  magazines and you start to get that [TS]

  maybe they would never say this but if [TS]

  you are a multi-millionaire and you [TS]

  start to get that fit of pique that [TS]

  feeling of kind of emptiness we going to [TS]

  charity stuff when you start a [TS]

  foundation and this is a nice thing to [TS]

  do it's very nice they did that I'm sure [TS]

  there are some financial reasons to do [TS]

  that as well but anyway you go and you [TS]

  started the foundation and you start [TS]

  hanging out with boutros boutros-ghali [TS]

  or whatever i'm kind of surprised there [TS]

  aren't more people who just decided to [TS]

  become super villains like secret super [TS]

  villains where they're likely still show [TS]

  up for meetings [TS]

  yeah yeah this isn't charity work but [TS]

  basically man if I could afford to buy [TS]

  an island i would be that would be doing [TS]

  some crazy shit that nobody could trace [TS]

  to me because I had a Ford you could [TS]

  afford to do stuff we could never be [TS]

  traced back to you and part of the fun [TS]

  would be your like anonymous now or [TS]

  you're like you know some 4chan kid like [TS]

  you're getting away with incredible shit [TS]

  and nobody can figure out as you because [TS]

  you know you're hanging out with [TS]

  pictures pictures cali yeah right you [TS]

  the first thing i did you get a little [TS]

  bit appealing first thing you do is buy [TS]

  a submarine well and and honestly the [TS]

  reason i think that that doesn't happen [TS]

  more and then that and I think that is [TS]

  the underlying logic of all conspiracy [TS]

  theorists is that all the rich people [TS]

  have in fact done that and then maybe [TS]

  maybe on the it here maybe that's [TS]

  happening and I just don't know it yet [TS]

  they are running they are running secret [TS]

  kids what separates from there from [TS]

  their private something but i think i [TS]

  think what you come up against is the [TS]

  threshold of people's imagination [TS]

  suggesting any of the public submarine [TS]

  them [TS]

  Nick so can I mean it's not slept with [TS]

  so submarine line-up I could see that I [TS]

  could see that it's like anything would [TS]

  be better than what's happening right [TS]

  now my brain I'm picturing Seattle with [TS]

  all that with the zip lines and the [TS]

  gondolas installed and then some [TS]

  submarine-based public trans you know me [TS]

  you know I believe there's power to [TS]

  union oh my god they are the the local [TS]

  community even on the cars I've seen you [TS]

  dive out at the last minute I have been [TS]

  on immunity for sure you know my high [TS]

  school girlfriend that the way break [TS]

  your heart [TS]

  yeah met and married her husband the [TS]

  doctor but well he's a PhD and she's a [TS]

  doctor she's a doctor she he's a PhD [TS]

  depending on whether you call them a [TS]

  doctor not i I'll leave that to you but [TS]

  the stood there there meet-cute story is [TS]

  that she was on the muni and was getting [TS]

  off at the stop that he was getting on [TS]

  and he got on the subway and either she [TS]

  turned around and got back on the subway [TS]

  got back on the muni that she had just [TS]

  got off or it was the other way around [TS]

  and she got off and he was about to get [TS]

  on and then he got all that's a really [TS]

  creepy me cute but there is they're [TS]

  married and they have two beautiful life [TS]

  goes on for them [TS]

  yeah good for them yeah muni frankly [TS]

  because matata so they got a union [TS]

  because matata so they got a union [TS]

  and yeah you know me John I believe [TS]

  there's power in the union i know you're [TS]

  not a union-busting I think Buster no no [TS]

  scab / I don't scamper on this Gabbar [TS]

  that there are 600 vehicles that are [TS]

  operating every given day in san [TS]

  francisco and let's just say it's [TS]

  already it's a shitstorm to begin with [TS]

  just just the fact is that if everything [TS]

  is running perfectly [TS]

  it's still so not running perfectly and [TS]

  these guys are a little a little unhappy [TS]

  about their current negotiations for the [TS]

  $32 and 50 cent in our opening up a job [TS]

  so they're going to start paying for [TS]

  some of the attention [TS]

  mhm okay these guys these guys who make [TS]

  a hundred thousand dollars here and live [TS]

  on golf courses and God bless them [TS]

  they're doing they're doing great work [TS]

  and two-thirds of them did not show up [TS]

  on Monday and Tuesday [TS]

  oh shut the city down huh it's called [TS]

  sick out because their contract [TS]

  contractually obligated to not do that [TS]

  that is out of range for something not [TS]

  all the strike and and they didn't like [TS]

  the way negotiations are going and so [TS]

  basically the city's been completely [TS]

  gutted the cable car lines are down if [TS]

  they brought your kid to San Francisco [TS]

  around the cable car come back another [TS]

  time when he's working [TS]

  Oh yep yep yep you got to my [TS]

  neighborhood like you know just about [TS]

  where i am at my longitude or whatever [TS]

  you come out here the train stops and [TS]

  turns around and goes back because they [TS]

  need for other places there's a bus that [TS]

  will show up that will then take every [TS]

  single person that was on that train [TS]

  shove them into one bus and then maybe [TS]

  that'll get all the way out to the zoo [TS]

  that that's our that's our last three [TS]

  days here and you like and you know this [TS]

  really makes me like a John Roderick [TS]

  character because it's ready to put up [TS]

  with with a lot a lot of poop on the [TS]

  streets you know but like it's so that's [TS]

  we really need that system to work you [TS]

  know because there are a lot of people [TS]

  who like you know if I had my druthers [TS]

  we would not have a car at all you have [TS]

  a car because my wife works on the other [TS]

  side of town so we ended up getting [TS]

  another car but you know I I don't want [TS]

  to have a car I don't want to need a car [TS]

  I don't want to fucking Park are I part [TS]

  of what makes my neighborhood cool i'm [TS]

  lucky to be on one of the five [TS]

  why am I telling you this who cares [TS]

  except i think there's a john robert [TS]

  point to this somewhere [TS]

  yeah and likes today we got on exam take [TS]

  my kids to the zoo for camp we got 55 [TS]

  stops from our house had to get out [TS]

  because the Train needed to go back and [TS]

  then we stand there and we wait and it's [TS]

  just like you really I start to feel [TS]

  like george costanza character that was [TS]

  my private island women are you saying [TS]

  that the John Rother character in the [TS]

  george costanza character share any [TS]

  common LOL absolutely not [TS]

  oh my gosh I can't believe you would [TS]

  even in that from what I was saying [TS]

  thank you but we all believe it is [TS]

  already here [TS]

  I think you know I think what one of the [TS]

  one of the problems is that that you [TS]

  should not let the Liberals run things [TS]

  in a kinky way you know like there is a [TS]

  reason that there are two I mean America [TS]

  could have 15 party's political parties [TS]

  America has to and within those two [TS]

  political parties we try and put the [TS]

  whole constellation of of feelings but [TS]

  if you let one little is so vastly [TS]

  different approach and philosophy and [TS]

  practical realpolitik as you see luckily [TS]

  they're so different that they really [TS]

  are two extremely structure it's smooth [TS]

  and the reason that they aren't is that [TS]

  yeah but the vast mass of people are [TS]

  right in that center and they pick left [TS]

  or right just based on like who their [TS]

  parents were and just based on the kind [TS]

  of music they like what you know like if [TS]

  there was a centre party it would be the [TS]

  biggest party in the country by far but [TS]

  the centre party idea that [TS]

  yeah the centre party let the left [TS]

  people already the c++ RT see that yeah [TS]

  that's right yeah but gentleman's be the [TS]

  gentleman's be party but but you need [TS]

  people who are you need people who are [TS]

  sticklers to run of a public transit [TS]

  system you know you need a suspiciously [TS]

  to bring some Swiss a political people [TS]

  that's routes neutral right right [TS]

  a political who are who are an [TS]

  unemotional but who have who have [TS]

  resources right you [TS]

  cannot you cannot run a public transit [TS]

  system where the where the people who [TS]

  are responsible for peak keeping it [TS]

  running don't have the resources to do [TS]

  it you know and ultimately you're seeing [TS]

  this in the new york public library's [TS]

  right now [TS]

  it knew that new york public library is [TS]

  trying to support itself because unlike [TS]

  a unlike sort of its competitive [TS]

  competition it big pop big big like [TS]

  private institutions and Library of [TS]

  Congress whatever the new york public [TS]

  library's is supported by the people [TS]

  right there's this fascinating article I [TS]

  was reading I guess in that would be the [TS]

  new yorker yeah New Yorker just recently [TS]

  when they're like the new york public [TS]

  library sold one of its branch libraries [TS]

  to try and earn some money they sold the [TS]

  real estate to try to earn some money to [TS]

  keep the library functioning and open [TS]

  and they sold this building 450 million [TS]

  dollars in midtown and that 50 million [TS]

  dollars went into the 300 million dollar [TS]

  budget or three million dollar deficit [TS]

  that they were trying to try to resolve [TS]

  that the 50 million dollar building you [TS]

  know beautiful library building was torn [TS]

  down by a developer who build a 500 [TS]

  million dollar hotel apartment loft the [TS]

  the penthouse of which sold for 60 [TS]

  million dollars so [TS]

  there's you know that the person who [TS]

  bought that 60 million dollar penthouse [TS]

  could have just bought the old library [TS]

  and lived in it if I was a fucking [TS]

  supervillain that's what I would have [TS]

  done that was pretty sweet you're [TS]

  looking like a Batman villain now be so [TS]

  cool i would have gone in and said hey [TS]

  you guys leave the books [TS]

  guess what i'm buying the whole thing [TS]

  library's books microfiche everything [TS]

  there's nothing in there you don't want [TS]

  you don't blow stick and gloves and maps [TS]

  live in a freaking like I would love to [TS]

  live in an old library so this this [TS]

  whoever this person is paid 10 million [TS]

  more dollars to live in what is probably [TS]

  just a you know an apartment that looks [TS]

  like a hotel room that has only the [TS]

  finest finishes on everything and it's [TS]

  just fucking garbage [TS]

  everything about it is garbage living [TS]

  there is a it is to live in an in a [TS]

  place with no heart and to live there is [TS]

  to be a person with no heart and you did [TS]

  and the person who bought that apartment [TS]

  doesn't even live there they probably [TS]

  live in st. Petersburg or they probably [TS]

  live most of their life on Richard [TS]

  Branson's private island and this is [TS]

  just the place that they come to blow [TS]

  people's minds when they're in New York [TS]

  but so this idea that the that the new [TS]

  york public library is like scrambling [TS]

  and I mean that's that that's the [TS]

  ultimate public institution right that [TS]

  building with the freaking Lions out [TS]

  front that has served the citizens of [TS]

  New York for over a hundred years it has [TS]

  the collected knowledge of all of human [TS]

  history in it and we are so screwed up [TS]

  right now that the sense that the sense [TS]

  that it is new york city's [TS]

  responsibility to keep that library [TS]

  completely funded and that all of the [TS]

  billionaire's that live there and all [TS]

  the money that's going through that city [TS]

  that that somehow that library would [TS]

  would be in jeopardy because speakers [TS]

  some tax bill didn't go through albany [TS]

  the right way right now all of a sudden [TS]

  some administrator at the library has to [TS]

  worry about fundraising all the time [TS]

  and meanwhile you know across the street [TS]

  there is somebody buying a ring for his [TS]

  Ukrainian girlfriends that cost 30 [TS]

  million dollars because I you know [TS]

  because Queen Elizabeth to once [TS]

  swallowed the stone and shout it out and [TS]

  got a conflict time since its thinks [TS]

  it's like it's like a special monkey [TS]

  poop coffee [TS]

  except it's a diamond D a yellow diamond [TS]

  it wasn't yellow when it went in and and [TS]

  and so so you've got these you know what [TS]

  so we are living in a world and this is [TS]

  why I'm this is why i'm starting to [TS]

  focus so much on local government you [TS]

  know you the the state of California is [TS]

  so broken because of that fucking [TS]

  referendum 14 or whatever the hell it is [TS]

  that the state of California pass I'll [TS]

  prop 13 prop 13 is that what it was that [TS]

  Howard Jarvis thing the thing know the [TS]

  thing from from from way back where they [TS]

  just basically gutted the funding of [TS]

  everything in the state [TS]

  ok i'm trying to remember that it's it's [TS]

  some some some proposition that was [TS]

  passed by by popular acclaim but decade [TS]

  or two or three ago God why my my my [TS]

  blade on the tax revolt thing and the [TS]

  thing yeah it's proposition 13 [TS]

  proposition 13 and so being you know the [TS]

  state of California does not basically [TS]

  eliminated its own power to tax I don't [TS]

  know they do all right but but you know [TS]

  that the state is kind of falling apart [TS]

  and then you and our country is falling [TS]

  apart our infrastructure is falling [TS]

  apart our public facilities are falling [TS]

  apart because we are collectively [TS]

  funneling our resources and he created [TS]

  women's rings yeah well and into you [TS]

  know into all these guys who are who are [TS]

  designing apps for iphone ok well i mean [TS]

  seriously yeah you know like a billion [TS]

  dollars okay a billion dollars is it [TS]

  would be a fantastic [TS]

  um let's let's call it a day [TS]

  a request right to the new york public [TS]

  library why doesn't the new york public [TS]

  library have a billion dollars in its [TS]

  coffers right why would muni why would [TS]

  muni not be like trying to expand and [TS]

  improve its service and every touches [TS]

  that before patron we need somebody who [TS]

  can be about the patron of meaningful [TS]

  things but why are we not our own [TS]

  patrons like you know like that's the [TS]

  idea that i do not want a prince of muni [TS]

  who is fluid was like I hereby allow [TS]

  immunity to keep operating because i am [TS]

  a saint and I'd and I cannot no longer [TS]

  get pleasure out of my money so I'm [TS]

  going to turn it over to immunity I I'm [TS]

  i wish somebody would write a book [TS]

  called everything everything I need to [TS]

  know I learned getting everything I need [TS]

  to know I learned planning a wedding is [TS]

  because I think like there are certain [TS]

  kinds of things in life that i would i [TS]

  would say dealing with planning a [TS]

  wedding and dealing with getting ready [TS]

  to have a baby are two really good [TS]

  examples of this of something where like [TS]

  you you might have the best ideas and [TS]

  the best intentions in the world i'm [TS]

  making this analogous to go into [TS]

  government for wood for a good cause and [TS]

  and why I think sometimes even a billion [TS]

  dollars wouldn't help [TS]

  I guess what I'm saying is the thing is [TS]

  that in the case of a wedding when he's [TS]

  having a baby but not how like you [TS]

  thought this out and no matter how many [TS]

  good ideas and how many good intentions [TS]

  of how much energy you have like it's [TS]

  all going to be ground up in the [TS]

  machinery of that process so like if [TS]

  you've got an idea for how you want [TS]

  things to go you can tell the DJ I can't [TS]

  tell you how many people I know that [TS]

  have said specifically to the DJ the [TS]

  first question was are you gonna talk [TS]

  over everybody can do all this bullshit [TS]

  i dono make sure to play if you leave it [TS]

  exactly this time and stuff like that [TS]

  and they don't and they get up there and [TS]

  they announced the fucking chicken song [TS]

  the bride is weeping because you spent [TS]

  ten thousand dollars for this guy who [TS]

  didn't do a single thing they asked them [TS]

  to do and you know why because that's [TS]

  how it works and you can go in and say [TS]

  you want the pub patrons to be this way [TS]

  we want these kind of covers on the [TS]

  chairs or like the thing is you think so [TS]

  on the one hand you think I can fix this [TS]

  i can make this the wedding that I want [TS]

  by throwing money at it and the thing is [TS]

  there [TS]

  always be so much more money that you [TS]

  can throw at that and all its gonna do [TS]

  is be more money to go into the gaping [TS]

  mall of the wedding industry kind of [TS]

  similar thing with Kenneth having a kid [TS]

  I think where they you know it's all [TS]

  these books and websites that will [TS]

  encourage you to have your birth plan [TS]

  all these things that you want to do and [TS]

  and eventually it's going to come down [TS]

  some people saying well you know you [TS]

  could you can engineer that as heavily [TS]

  as you want but there's still so much [TS]

  stuff that just runs the way that it [TS]

  runs because that's the way that it runs [TS]

  well on Fleming's let me say let me say [TS]

  this about that yes the the you know one [TS]

  of the fundamental problems with [TS]

  economics is that economics when people [TS]

  talk about economic models in there they [TS]

  talk about you know the capitalist model [TS]

  our typical economic model does not take [TS]

  into consideration that natural [TS]

  resources are limited right like if you [TS]

  have never thought of that that's [TS]

  interesting [TS]

  if you have a if you have a company [TS]

  whose whose value is in oil extraction [TS]

  the company is valued by there by the [TS]

  amount of money that they have invested [TS]

  in their machines by the cost that it [TS]

  that is required to get the oil out of [TS]

  the ground and to process it and ship it [TS]

  and that is the cost of oil and that is [TS]

  why that company is worth money [TS]

  what is not factored into that cost is [TS]

  that oil exists in a limited quantity [TS]

  that we presumably collectively owned it [TS]

  as residents of Earth and that when it [TS]

  and that the oil has value intrinsically [TS]

  in the ground before it's moved and who [TS]

  owns that value and how is that value [TS]

  how do we factored that in the things we [TS]

  don't we don't think about the value of [TS]

  gold before it's extracted from the [TS]

  ground at the scarcity that is involved [TS]

  in gold is the scarcity of scarcity that [TS]

  is a product of well it's hard to find [TS]

  and it's hard to get out and transport [TS]

  around but not the know a moment that [TS]

  has value where it lives and so all [TS]

  economics [TS]

  ultimately is broken it's a it is a it's [TS]

  a game that we're playing it's a it's a [TS]

  it's a story that we're telling [TS]

  ourselves about how things work but it's [TS]

  a completely false story because to [TS]

  begin any economic idea you have to say [TS]

  like well we're all on one planet and it [TS]

  is limited and we collectively owned it [TS]

  we have to there's no way you could say [TS]

  unless you are unless you believe an [TS]

  origin story where God says you you know [TS]

  you Adam own and your descendants gets [TS]

  divided up you have to say like we're [TS]

  all on the planet we collectively owned [TS]

  it and so all the games that were [TS]

  playing about like well I own this much [TS]

  of it and you on that much of it and you [TS]

  don't know any of it are just games [TS]

  they're just stories and they are [TS]

  stories that that have evolved because [TS]

  our understanding of where we came from [TS]

  used to be less complete and back when [TS]

  it was like I don't know the earth is [TS]

  flat and i live on this part of it you [TS]

  know it made sense to say like this is [TS]

  mine i found this first or whatever but [TS]

  now we would get to to actually have a [TS]

  system you could call economics that [TS]

  made any sense at all [TS]

  you have to start completely over and [TS]

  say that's just I never thought it's [TS]

  super interesting point it's yeah it's [TS]

  almost like the same kind is this is [TS]

  gonna sound silly but like why you can [TS]

  certainly understand why people like the [TS]

  gold standard it makes a lot of sense [TS]

  because you're saying even a stone [TS]

  abstraction [TS]

  you're saying what makes this paper [TS]

  valuable is this other stuff that's [TS]

  valuable the end but in this case you're [TS]

  saying like we never we never talked [TS]

  about the most basic part about this [TS]

  which is like where that gold cake from [TS]

  right where that gold came from running [TS]

  like whoohoo if anybody owns it because [TS]

  of why because of wine right and so so [TS]

  the idea of taxes for instance which we [TS]

  all spend all of our time like the [TS]

  moaning and thinking about a block taxes [TS]

  taxes taxes taxes are just an idea that [TS]

  somebody had to try and solve a problem [TS]

  by portioning resources that are that [TS]

  are largely fantasy in these different [TS]

  directions and and try and resolve [TS]

  inequalities and perform functions [TS]

  taxes are not something natural they are [TS]

  not God did not invent them and they are [TS]

  not in the earth taxes are a comedy [TS]

  which we have which we have placed on [TS]

  top of a comedy and the idea that the [TS]

  idea that we can look at the earth and [TS]

  look at our cities and look at ourselves [TS]

  and say this is not we do we have to [TS]

  look through these comedies that we've [TS]

  written to describe how we got here and [TS]

  instead say where are we [TS]

  how do we apportion resources where we [TS]

  need them [TS]

  how do we have us how do we have a [TS]

  cantar we how do we write a new story [TS]

  where we understand that this is a [TS]

  collective action it is spaceship earth [TS]

  and there are the end resources are [TS]

  limited and we now have the technology [TS]

  that we can move them around you know [TS]

  fairly effortlessly how do we really [TS]

  want to do that how do we do that that [TS]

  would make sense to a child sense of [TS]

  fairness [TS]

  how do we do that that takes into [TS]

  consideration that we do not want [TS]

  everybody we do not want people living [TS]

  beneath the floor and we are not [TS]

  particularly interested in people living [TS]

  this dragon chasing existence because [TS]

  it's because it because it's ludicrous [TS]

  and you know so so taxes themselves are [TS]

  just a it's just a game to try and pry [TS]

  some resources away to direct them to [TS]

  these sort of collective actions and [TS]

  when you talk about like collective [TS]

  action versus individual freedom [TS]

  those are games those are those are [TS]

  those are jokes of their novels i guess [TS]

  and the reality is like here we all are [TS]

  right we're all like what we're [TS]

  breathing the same area and your [TS]

  individual rights and my desire to to [TS]

  make the progress that can only happen [TS]

  through collective action are [TS]

  you know our are just the tip of the [TS]

  iceberg really and that we spend all of [TS]

  our time fighting over and and believing [TS]

  that those two things are antithetical [TS]

  to one another is is just because we [TS]

  have such a limited imagination and [TS]

  we're so taken up by these by these [TS]

  stories that don't that don't work [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  there are there are [TS]

  great-great-great-grandfather stories [TS]

  and they don't they do not actually [TS]

  describe our world [TS]

  I really want a nice car though [TS]

  yeah what are you are you still shopping [TS]

  starts a nice truck maybe yeah butBut [TS]

  nice big gasoline truck was was down in [TS]

  the house down in Mexico and I I'll i [TS]

  saw this Cadillac on that on the [TS]

  craigslist sixties catalog you know and [TS]

  I was like you know what I'm just going [TS]

  to fucking buy it I'm down here in Santa [TS]

  Fe I'm just gonna buy this Cadillac I'm [TS]

  a drive at home and that's going to be [TS]

  that's me [TS]

  you know what I mean like that's how i [TS]

  do i'm just down here i'm going to throw [TS]

  some cash at the 60s Cadillac and [TS]

  driving home through the through the [TS]

  wilds of the west and when i get home [TS]

  that I'm gonna be the guy in the [TS]

  Cadillac who drove it home from santa fe [TS]

  and that's going to be a great story [TS]

  this is this is my new origin story my [TS]

  latest 10 there are people that just [TS]

  fucking do what they want and I'm one of [TS]

  those and I'm gonna be a badass and [TS]

  people are gonna be like what the one [TS]

  and I'm gonna Instagram the whole trip [TS]

  her and fuck my my legends going to go [TS]

  through the roof [TS]

  look out when i put out a record a lot [TS]

  of people are going to talk about it [TS]

  they're gonna be like that's the fucking [TS]

  guy that buys a Cadillac whatever he [TS]

  wants we're always taking so long to buy [TS]

  one and well and that's so then I'm like [TS]

  that's a fuckin dumb idea and practical [TS]

  and sitting in that sitting in that [TS]

  hotel room like my path changed right if [TS]

  I had gone the other way I wouldn't be [TS]

  talking to you right now because I'd be [TS]

  driving through the desert somewhere [TS]

  with a you know when I probably at some [TS]

  point started answering questions posing [TS]

  in photos with children [TS]

  yeah I get a turquoise belt buckle it'd [TS]

  be like the opening scene of showgirls [TS]

  you know there'd be some girl outside of [TS]

  Las Vegas standing up there with your [TS]

  thumb out I pullover be like what's up [TS]

  baby you want to get into my Instagram [TS]

  reality [TS]

  getting this dancer not a whore haha [TS]