Roderick on the Line

Ep. 122: "Parliament of the Moment"


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  [Music] [TS]

  hello hey John hi Merlin has it going [TS]

  good how are you going I'm going it's [TS]

  early it's pretty early is early pretty [TS]

  early but uh but you know I I'm living a [TS]

  new way got a new whole new life so I'm [TS]

  i feel like this isn't even early for me [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  wow I just can't talk about just like [TS]

  come on bring it you know really tired [TS]

  I'm tired of being on the wrong side of [TS]

  history [TS]

  oh just like up and going and just [TS]

  living and you're achieving ah yeah oh [TS]

  yeah he just dodging bullets [TS]

  yeah no I'm no I'm definitely not just [TS]

  putting out fires i am living in the now [TS]

  and in the past and in the future [TS]

  oh wow yeah why is that it is it [TS]

  anything in particular this it's like [TS]

  this change is just your schedule gotten [TS]

  busy no it's just you know what it was [TS]

  it was just that i decided i decided [TS]

  that every single book and pamphlet and [TS]

  website link i had ever been given to a [TS]

  life improvement style a philosophy i [TS]

  was just going to let him sit down over [TS]

  the course of a weekend I was just going [TS]

  to digest it all on implement it that's [TS]

  the best way to do it [TS]

  yeah yeah you're gonna let that stuff [TS]

  piled up its like the old like old new [TS]

  york times or something just want to [TS]

  really sit down and just really get [TS]

  through [TS]

  yeah well the thing is a lot of the [TS]

  words of the same roof between uh [TS]

  between philosophy so i was able to kind [TS]

  of go through and you know kind of like [TS]

  when you originally learn to do [TS]

  fractions you know you kind of cross off [TS]

  these these sort of similar words like [TS]

  when you're doing long division [TS]

  you know I still do stuff on doing long [TS]

  division that I learned in third grade [TS]

  and I probably don't need to but it's [TS]

  like I'm doing better division if I show [TS]

  my work I feel that way too well with a [TS]

  lot of stuff although times tables i'm [TS]

  very proud of having memorized my times [TS]

  tables a long time ago [TS]

  and so you know I you'll never catch me [TS]

  rolling my eyes up to to remember my [TS]

  time stable system 7 I was 6 times 7 is [TS]

  Wow hi I'm AKA you know like there's a [TS]

  and actually 67 was a very important [TS]

  equation if you think those what would [TS]

  that be [TS]

  I want to be the one hundred different [TS]

  multiplication problems that create the [TS]

  times tables right so angry so you [TS]

  figure you get you know if you look at [TS]

  like 1 x 2 into x 2 and those are at the [TS]

  very far left end of the curve six times [TS]

  seven there was a very long tail seven [TS]

  times eight and six times seven both [TS]

  took me this is like the last two that i [TS]

  learned i found them incredibly [TS]

  difficult [TS]

  well and so this is what y 6 times 7 was [TS]

  so important to me because six times [TS]

  seven was the first one I learned [TS]

  oh because I because 42 is such a nice [TS]

  number who and six times seven seems to [TS]

  be a dick you know six times seven just [TS]

  seems to produce nothing right i mean [TS]

  it's just like six is there but seven is [TS]

  a weird number we just wanna multiply in [TS]

  that way like seven half dozen of eggs [TS]

  it seems pretty random yeah but that you [TS]

  know that happens like okay well how [TS]

  many are in a bushel of six of them all [TS]

  right so how many do we have seven of [TS]

  them you know the guy i find myself [TS]

  doing that all the time [TS]

  sure but six times seven was a such an [TS]

  ungainly and awkward equation produce [TS]

  such a beautiful number 42 that it stood [TS]

  out in my head and so it was like it was [TS]

  the linchpin it was the capstone of my [TS]

  whole well that's the wrong way of [TS]

  getting should be a capstone 0 gateway [TS]

  drug [TS]

  capstone is the first one you put it is [TS]

  the last one you can keep not a keystone [TS]

  then you know it's not a keystone I [TS]

  guess it would be a cornerstone because [TS]

  I would then I could work i came over [TS]

  for a rock i could work either direction [TS]

  from from 40 to write it because I knew [TS]

  six times seven so if you say you know [TS]

  seven times eight [TS]

  I know like I can work for [TS]

  42 went from 42 in either direction and [TS]

  it helped me and help me you know [TS]

  memorize that it was an errand medical [TS]

  stake in the ground [TS]

  yeah that's right that's good 67 and so [TS]

  did you had all this stuff some of it [TS]

  was electronic i'm guessing a lot of [TS]

  those things you printed out probably [TS]

  since the early 2000s think about [TS]

  leadership and see Iration so people [TS]

  print stuff out for me people people i [TS]

  don't i don't typically print stuff out [TS]

  even when i'm asked to print stuff out [TS]

  yeah education considering the [TS]

  environment [TS]

  well yeah and I also just seems like [TS]

  printers really factors God sleep are we [TS]

  still I remember when printers were [TS]

  described as being on the way out [TS]

  currently obsolete in what was that [TS]

  1999b yeah because the laser rider when [TS]

  the laser came out with the mac and you [TS]

  could have like a mac ac30 and [TS]

  laserwriter and you could make a [TS]

  production-quality publication that was [TS]

  life-changing but it wasn't long before [TS]

  cooking you know maybe we don't know [TS]

  this production [TS]

  yeah seems like we make a lot of paper [TS]

  remember that you've ever worked in an [TS]

  office where you would just get [TS]

  everybody in the office got the same [TS]

  like 30 sheets of paper every day I used [TS]

  to work currency at piper jaffray which [TS]

  was a investment company [TS]

  yeah i'm gonna head like a hole full of [TS]

  paper detectable floors they had that [TS]

  and anything that they their office was [TS]

  in a building in downtown Seattle that [TS]

  was designed by the same guy who [TS]

  designed the world trade center and it [TS]

  was like a proto World Trade Center this [TS]

  building was built in the in the [TS]

  mid-sixties and it's a much smaller sort [TS]

  of you know like archetype of that style [TS]

  of concrete construction and if you look [TS]

  at it knowing that it was designed by [TS]

  the same guy [TS]

  it kind of takes your breath away you're [TS]

  like oh my god it is sort of like a [TS]

  little world trade center and the top [TS]

  three floors of this building which [TS]

  should be the most expensive offices in [TS]

  it and could be some of the nicest [TS]

  offices in downtown Seattle [TS]

  are like the windows are papered over [TS]

  and it's just full of boxes of papers of [TS]

  long-ago business transactions but but [TS]

  like the whole the whole reason we were [TS]

  encouraged to start using computers was [TS]

  that they were going to do away with [TS]

  paper and now i get i get five emails a [TS]

  week from people saying well print this [TS]

  out fill it out then fax at Brown my god [TS]

  John like God I go die I would rather [TS]

  not do the job I would rather not do i [TS]

  would not rather not get paid the money [TS]

  well whatever it is it's how anytime [TS]

  there's a relationship that will involve [TS]

  money you're gonna have to send almost [TS]

  always especially with large large [TS]

  Institute's institutions and [TS]

  organizations you almost always have to [TS]

  send them like three pieces of paper [TS]

  always but you know what's weird though [TS]

  is if I think back to that time and i [TS]

  was working in office i was making [TS]

  mostly about the time I was well admit [TS]

  early mid nineties i was making a lot of [TS]

  courtroom exhibits that we would print [TS]

  out sometimes on a very costly color [TS]

  printer but but the truth was like [TS]

  nothing felt real like nobody could [TS]

  relax until it had printed out in [TS]

  multiple copies you know it wasn't [TS]

  really yet it had it wasn't a thing what [TS]

  didn't matter that we're doing it setup [TS]

  you know automated backups and stuff [TS]

  like that didn't matter it didn't exist [TS]

  until it was something you could put in [TS]

  a fedex envelope [TS]

  well as you know i mean it's a cliche to [TS]

  say but well as I was going through my [TS]

  dad's papers probably a refrigerator box [TS]

  full of paper that what without you that [TS]

  had a receipt receipt school photo at [TS]

  the top at the girl that sure but then [TS]

  at the top you know the kind of [TS]

  gibberish that that that used to be at [TS]

  the top of every email you printed out [TS]

  and then it would be like hi honey how [TS]

  are you I've just been thinking about [TS]

  you okay [TS]

  write me when you can and he's like [TS]

  printing out emails not just the emails [TS]

  that he receives but like also printing [TS]

  out is part of the email like and you [TS]

  know emails he get back like [TS]

  everything's good dad talk to you soon [TS]

  just like wow you're printing these out [TS]

  and partly it's he's putting it out [TS]

  because [TS]

  I he wants to have a record but i think [TS]

  a big part of it was it wasn't real it [TS]

  wasn't real until I mean look at it on [TS]

  the computer screen maybe like 10 [TS]

  yeah i mean that's put too fine a point [TS]

  on it but I think for a lot of people I [TS]

  was working I told you the story [TS]

  about our CTO there who thought that I [TS]

  should invent email attachments because [TS]

  that we need idea that he was completely [TS]

  backward you nothing he didn't know the [TS]

  scroll wheel on his mouth confused him i [TS]

  told you about this guy and he basically [TS]

  i think his work flow was a common [TS]

  workflow in the late nineties which was [TS]

  the same way that today we would read [TS]

  email and you might flag it or you might [TS]

  if you're me you turn that into like an [TS]

  action somewhere else that's it that's a [TS]

  tip anything you printed out with [TS]

  something that you either had to read or [TS]

  you have to do something about and [TS]

  that's the way you did your email [TS]

  anytime you got to ask for old people [TS]

  when you got to an email you actually do [TS]

  something about you printed out put it [TS]

  out [TS]

  otherwise it wasn't real right you can [TS]

  you post a thing any post a might be [TS]

  misremembering this but did you post [TS]

  something with your dad's letter to the [TS]

  car dealership about his last payment on [TS]

  a car [TS]

  oh I don't think that was me and that [TS]

  you know I think that might have been [TS]

  maybe I was Dan Benjamin could be i like [TS]

  when mi like when people put those kinds [TS]

  of things i love that ephemera but now I [TS]

  have a lot of that stuff but but you [TS]

  know I think a lot of my dad's [TS]

  correspondence is still protected under [TS]

  some sort of lawyer-client privilege [TS]

  foundation under various transit laws [TS]

  intelligence but i'm telling you i've [TS]

  decided to adopt all principles of [TS]

  self-improvement i'm so excited to hear [TS]

  about this yeah and one of them is just [TS]

  like I just woke up at the crack of dawn [TS]

  this morning i made a blender of raw [TS]

  eggs and I'm gonna get that Iran regular [TS]

  wash that museum in Philadelphia put my [TS]

  fist in the air and then I started [TS]

  immediately writing the best work of my [TS]

  life and I just that one weekend of [TS]

  reviewing this materials and now here I [TS]

  am at a time that formerly would have [TS]

  been pretty daunting to me i've already [TS]

  done so much today [TS]

  wow yeah I'm fine and you know i'm i'm [TS]

  here i'm getting married haha [TS]

  there's a lot I mean you know I'm not [TS]

  just thinking about it but I'm taking [TS]

  over the hump on it feel like you have [TS]

  anybody in mind [TS]

  I you know I read a lot of a lot of [TS]

  stuff that said that married people are [TS]

  happier [TS]

  yes and so you live longer John if you [TS]

  made me so you'll take fewer risks [TS]

  seemed like a thing that had you know up [TS]

  until just a just a little while ago I i [TS]

  was pretty anti-marriage but now I'm [TS]

  re-evaluating this is evaluated a lot [TS]

  ever I i would love to hear about all [TS]

  this [TS]

  seeing all of that at one time in one [TS]

  place that's a lot of that deep data [TS]

  really sink in [TS]

  yeah whereas if you're eating you know [TS]

  piecemeal throughout the month just a [TS]

  little nibble here in newtonville there [TS]

  but you you really set down your [TS]

  information transformant you sat down [TS]

  and said love rain over me tell me what [TS]

  should I do [TS]

  that's right i went into the tank went [TS]

  into the tank and and now the [TS]

  formaldehyde of self-knowledge is [TS]

  permeated all my cells ask you you're [TS]

  getting up early you might get married [TS]

  you're gonna hear is your problem [TS]

  here's the problem a lot of these books [TS]

  lead me to the inescapable conclusion [TS]

  that i need to log off [TS]

  oh you mean the internet I need to log [TS]

  off the internet because of productivity [TS]

  well because of productivity and because [TS]

  of spiritual the cleanliness you know [TS]

  it's not just enough to not read the [TS]

  comments section because the Internet [TS]

  has become a comment section the entire [TS]

  internet and so to avoid the comments [TS]

  page you have to avoid everything I mean [TS]

  I remember just it was not a couple of [TS]

  years ago that I felt like a genius [TS]

  because I was getting my news from [TS]

  Twitter then it was a thousand times [TS]

  better than getting my news from the [TS]

  news but now [TS]

  twitter is the news yeah it's the same [TS]

  news and you feel the same bad way and [TS]

  yet you're it's like it's like the new [TS]

  it's like like have reverted all the way [TS]

  back to that era when people couldn't [TS]

  take their eyes off of CNN [TS]

  oh yeah and it's like everyone headline [TS]

  news i remember i was living with my on [TS]

  my horrible stepfather when headline [TS]

  news got popular and he would just leave [TS]

  he would sit there in a chair and watch [TS]

  the 30-minute somebody with Michael and [TS]

  cycle day long [TS]

  yeah and every every every half hour [TS]

  they would add one little new not even a [TS]

  new bit but like sometimes just a word [TS]

  to the scroll that one word would change [TS]

  like instead of pending it would say you [TS]

  know it would say something else you [TS]

  know like that not that away [TS]

  it's a pretty long time ago also now but [TS]

  you bet you're right and I'm and now I'm [TS]

  you still see that today you get to an [TS]

  airport it's just want to all CNN to see [TS]

  anything that's for I really don't know [TS]

  who that's for [TS]

  well but unfortunately now twitter has [TS]

  become this like whatever that whatever [TS]

  the news it is that twitter has decided [TS]

  is the important news which sometimes is [TS]

  Twitter still is very proud of itself [TS]

  when what it decides the news is not the [TS]

  same as what CNN decides the news-times [TS]

  does a pretty good job and it doesn't [TS]

  amazing job especially at first except [TS]

  now it's doing an amazing job and i am [TS]

  back as a person watching the freaking [TS]

  news which is not a person I want to be [TS]

  I don't want to follow the news closely [TS]

  following the news closely does not [TS]

  produce happiness or productivity that [TS]

  was reading your papers John the things [TS]

  you [TS]

  you ready sure wasn't some of these [TS]

  things predate twitter but they were [TS]

  telling me stuff about the news that I [TS]

  had [TS]

  reflect and realize that it applies now [TS]

  the the the the the magnetism of [TS]

  constant news updates seems to be [TS]

  inescapable for for anything you know [TS]

  remember like oh there was such promise [TS]

  on the internet got it had such promise [TS]

  yeah it's gonna be analysis and there is [TS]

  you know that's still twitter is better [TS]

  because you get a you get a hundred [TS]

  voices and you can put together an [TS]

  analysis that but but still the cult is [TS]

  chase the news change the updates and I [TS]

  didn't it just it's just not good for [TS]

  it's not good for person it's not good [TS]

  for one I can't tell how serious your [TS]

  being so I'm gonna act like you're being [TS]

  a little bit serious i I'm i used to [TS]

  have a habit [TS]

  this is a terrific example of life hacks [TS]

  gone awry one of things that I would do [TS]

  probably starting in the early two [TS]

  thousands whenever whatever the point [TS]

  was that you could have tabs i had a tab [TS]

  set where with one like command-click it [TS]

  would open like six different news sites [TS]

  in a window and then I just you know [TS]

  scroll through each one and look at all [TS]

  of them but it's so strange how that one [TS]

  all it took to create six tabs of [TS]

  information was me hitting the little [TS]

  you know spot key and clicking and I [TS]

  could have 35 minutes of sadness and [TS]

  your resolution in my life but they [TS]

  would only be slaked by going back a few [TS]

  minutes later and doing exactly the same [TS]

  thing again [TS]

  yeah not unlike my email inbox but [TS]

  that's a different show I feel like if [TS]

  if all the news I God was delivered once [TS]

  a month in a brown package wrapped with [TS]

  white string along with some other [TS]

  staples like eggs and milk some eggs and [TS]

  milk some lard got a lot sir it's the [TS]

  eggs milk large salt grass here at the [TS]

  office of doing that is resolution [TS]

  rebrand as staples staples within you [TS]

  absolutely the basic shit you need once [TS]

  a month [TS]

  look that should just staple should just [TS]

  start calling themselves staples and [TS]

  actually sell staples [TS]

  not in there and say what's up with the [TS]

  news and it's actually not that much new [TS]

  just get back to work you know what they [TS]

  can do they could wrap the lard and [TS]

  sugar and bacon and coffee in the new [TS]

  you read the rapper yet as you can [TS]

  she'll get there you open up your beer [TS]

  put your stuff in your in your like that [TS]

  dugout cooler underneath your cabin and [TS]

  then you're like a look at this [TS]

  holy cow the Japanese bombed Pearl [TS]

  Harbor and that is about as current as [TS]

  you you need to be you know every two [TS]

  weeks every month if you just gotta [TS]

  round up of the news and you'd be like [TS]

  oh alright well it seems like everything [TS]

  is just about the same i mean anything [TS]

  and is there any news out of gaza in the [TS]

  last three months [TS]

  that couldn't have come out of gaza in [TS]

  1972 like yeah i could just be reading I [TS]

  could be reading the newspapers from the [TS]

  Nixon administration's you want to keep [TS]

  your anger fresh [TS]

  I so don't know what I want my anger to [TS]

  be so stale I wanted to be the stainless [TS]

  thing in my cupboard [TS]

  oh man had its ups talking at all the [TS]

  time and not only am I stoking the anger [TS]

  but I'm stoking like this [TS]

  I'm you know I'm smoking like confusing [TS]

  emotions in me right where where it's [TS]

  like oh there's so many opinions [TS]

  it's not healthy to see that many [TS]

  opinions i guess is what it is you know [TS]

  we we like to think oh the more opinions [TS]

  you get the more you know the more [TS]

  well-rounded your eventual take on [TS]

  things will be but in fact like the more [TS]

  polemical opinions you read the more it [TS]

  feels like well all opinions are equally [TS]

  dumb [TS]

  all opinions are equally unfounded and [TS]

  maybe on partly also they're ultimately [TS]

  somewhat recently updated it's not it's [TS]

  not opinion of five years [TS]

  alright it's an opinion on this one or [TS]

  two degree change in something hopeless [TS]

  not hopeless but it's something that's [TS]

  really awful that i can personally do [TS]

  very much about today but me getting [TS]

  that you know it also has the [TS]

  self-selecting bias of making more and [TS]

  more even I think unconsciously seek out [TS]

  the little sub tunnel that goes to the [TS]

  stuff that you agree with [TS]

  what makes you feel angry in the way [TS]

  that makes you happy well under this is [TS]

  the thing I mean how do you feel about [TS]

  killing babies what the ones that [TS]

  deserve it or the the wetlands see that [TS]

  he go that's what you've just opened up [TS]

  a can of worms that I I thought I set [TS]

  their own purpose [TS]

  yeah that and I and I had a mechanical [TS]

  arm said Merlin do not open and you [TS]

  opened it immediately I did you know [TS]

  what I can't even read the label which [TS]

  babies [TS]

  ah i mean good babies back babies but [TS]

  that but they put the whole but the [TS]

  concept of killing babies is such like a [TS]

  universal galvanizing flaming sword and [TS]

  it fits into a tweet so well killing [TS]

  babies bad send and you know I look out [TS]

  the window and look out the window and I [TS]

  scan across the city and I think about [TS]

  all the dead babies through history so [TS]

  many dead babies really like you know [TS]

  pallets of God and you go [TS]

  is that really the thing that I want to [TS]

  that I that i'm going to like permanent [TS]

  have motivate me and it in a day like to [TS]

  prevent it to think about it at all and [TS]

  i'm not just about to say that to avoid [TS]

  thinking about is good but just like [TS]

  yeah I think I'm gonna get you off dead [TS]

  babies four seconds thank you [TS]

  I I remember feeling this feeling when i [TS]

  had been away and on my own and fancy [TS]

  for a while and then you go spend some [TS]

  time with your relatives with you and [TS]

  friends we know and you get to you go [TS]

  and you read read books and you look at [TS]

  Harpers and stuff and think you got it [TS]

  going on I just right you know it always [TS]

  whenever I would go back home and I [TS]

  don't mean to make people sound [TS]

  provincial and I'm fancy but it always [TS]

  really struck me how much and this is [TS]

  this is so not part of my universe but i [TS]

  think it's a lot of people's universe [TS]

  like watching the local news at night [TS]

  it's something like all old people did [TS]

  when I was a kid it was something my [TS]

  family did you always watch the local [TS]

  news and you watch the national news [TS]

  here and now today like I kind of can't [TS]

  even fathom having been out of that [TS]

  particular palette of babies for a while [TS]

  going back to it and just seeing like [TS]

  how how awful on every level the [TS]

  reporting is not only awful in terms of [TS]

  the subject matter but also how its [TS]

  presented [TS]

  and how narrowly is presented and [TS]

  basically if you got your impression [TS]

  about life from watching your own local [TS]

  news you would understand that there's a [TS]

  fifty percent chance of rain societies [TS]

  falling apart [TS]

  yeah every night all you get is this new [TS]

  thing about like the you get a really [TS]

  cloud idea of how often given thing [TS]

  happens and yeah if you could keep [TS]

  seeing the same mugshot of black guy [TS]

  supposedly stab somebody or whatever and [TS]

  over and over i got a young person in a [TS]

  in a in a park standing in a dark [TS]

  parking lot with a microphone telling [TS]

  you about an apartment fire [TS]

  we're like for grandmothers and a cat [TS]

  died and it's like that is not essential [TS]

  information it it just Stokes a thing in [TS]

  me it is it is meant to stoke thing in [TS]

  us that that you know that where we feel [TS]

  on the verge of catastrophe at all times [TS]

  yes I do not want to know about the [TS]

  latest apartment fire [TS]

  I just don't need to and and as an [TS]

  empathetic person I need to I need to [TS]

  make sure that the empathy is just [TS]

  channeled in the right direction [TS]

  you know what I mean like that is just [TS]

  what that is doing is its its opening [TS]

  the spigot are on my on my empathy maple [TS]

  man is letting the empathy syrup drip [TS]

  drip drip drip drip onto the forest [TS]

  floor and we're not nothing [TS]

  I'm not collecting it in a bucket and [TS]

  I'm not making and I'm not putting it [TS]

  over delicious pancakes just ripping my [TS]

  empathy syrup on the forest floor it's [TS]

  not it's not what I want [TS]

  anyway so I am worried very worried but [TS]

  i'm worried that all of the all of the [TS]

  self-help manuals that I have digested [TS]

  in the last weekend point to the [TS]

  inescapable conclusion that maybe the [TS]

  best thing the best practices are two [TS]

  for someone like me at it it's to log [TS]

  off over and if I were someone who was [TS]

  not given to [TS]

  abuse of substances maybe I could be [TS]

  someone who did not abuse the internet [TS]

  substance [TS]

  oh yeah but I am a substance abuser and [TS]

  the internet is another thing that I [TS]

  can't you know because I've been lately [TS]

  I've been asking myself the question I'm [TS]

  sitting there I'm staring at my phone [TS]

  the world is going by my you know my [TS]

  child is growing up but the water is [TS]

  boiling over on the stove and i'm [TS]

  staring at my phone and there's a voice [TS]

  in my head that's conscious of it and is [TS]

  saying look at you look at you you're [TS]

  sitting here staring at your phone you [TS]

  know things are going awry and the other [TS]

  the other voice the recording voice says [TS]

  well what would you have me do not look [TS]

  at my phone [TS]

  that seems irresponsible and right and [TS]

  and I don't have an answer for like if [TS]

  you are if if I'm living in this in this [TS]

  world where I am a where I'm a part of [TS]

  social media where I where I perceive [TS]

  that that's important to my career or [TS]

  important to mine self-expression or my [TS]

  sense of involvement belonging then yeah [TS]

  what would you have me do not look at my [TS]

  phone and I kit that's impossible [TS]

  and so I had to go i had to go step back [TS]

  and say like well what has Facebook done [TS]

  for me lately and that I didn't have an [TS]

  answer Marilyn uh-huh [TS]

  what is facebook done for you lately you [TS]

  don't even go on there [TS]

  i deactivated my account years ago and [TS]

  so what so what do you think you tell me [TS]

  when you think would happen to me if I [TS]

  stopped going on Twitter just stopped [TS]

  I mean it'sit's as we record this it's a [TS]

  monday i know you've had a lot of [TS]

  knowledge to match your last night you [TS]

  really are you really up for this all [TS]

  weekend long been reading reading [TS]

  reading and my brain is open [TS]

  yeah I synapses are open I want some of [TS]

  that patented hotdogs lady's computer [TS]

  thinkI yes yes for Kennedy culture think [TS]

  you wisdom that's that's what I do [TS]

  I know I'm relish these talks uh well I [TS]

  got a couple of thoughts you know you [TS]

  know the only taught used to work at a [TS]

  newsstand [TS]

  I heard interesting interview you worked [TS]

  there for three years did you say maybe [TS]

  longer it was the longest my newsstand [TS]

  job is the longest job I ever had but [TS]

  you know back in those days or even [TS]

  today you pick up a copy of The [TS]

  Economist I used to subscribe to The [TS]

  Economist now I'm not here now I [TS]

  understand even mentioning the name of a [TS]

  magazine we're going to get into bios or [TS]

  whatever but you know whatever people [TS]

  you know preach or advise at me about [TS]

  the importance of staying informed via [TS]

  you know forcing a fire hose into your [TS]

  mouth for 18 hours a day [TS]

  I'm always tempted to say you know what [TS]

  one in the past 12 when I felt like I [TS]

  wanted to stay informed [TS]

  I one of the best things i think a [TS]

  person can do this is not necessarily [TS]

  for you but this help me is to do [TS]

  exactly what you're saying which is to [TS]

  spend less time seeking out new sources [TS]

  that are basically about what's changed [TS]

  in the last 12 hours the arm and i don't [TS]

  know i think he is really old guy [TS]

  thinking I guess but gets find a source [TS]

  that you like one reason i like the [TS]

  economist is that you can go through and [TS]

  you can read we've probably talked about [TS]

  this you do and read those first [TS]

  whatever half dozen pages which has like [TS]

  a paragraph or two about what's [TS]

  happening all over the world and you [TS]

  should i think what you might want to do [TS]

  person environment the economist is very [TS]

  Tory but they're very Pro capital but [TS]

  with that said it's I mean you know the [TS]

  thing is you could also pick out which [TS]

  of like they do read five different [TS]

  encyclopedias well no you read an [TS]

  encyclopedia enough to know what to look [TS]

  at next [TS]

  so whatever one's given sources the [TS]

  reason i like that though is it is a way [TS]

  of going in and saying wow I didn't know [TS]

  the name of this country in africa and [TS]

  they're having a problem down there [TS]

  that's something i didn't hear about [TS]

  with the firehose I had jammed in my [TS]

  mouth [TS]

  well right that's and that and and and [TS]

  the economist is great for that because [TS]

  they treat like they do talk about the [TS]

  world but the reason I think it's [TS]

  quickly the only reason i mention that [TS]

  though is that I and I'll take out my [TS]

  Long Knives the people who are ok with [TS]

  unintentionally or unconsciously [TS]

  spending three to six hours a day [TS]

  consuming what's changed in news and [TS]

  last few minutes or hours i wonder if [TS]

  they could find the time to sit down [TS]

  once a week and read all the way through [TS]

  even just that digest the information [TS]

  because that that's the real test if you [TS]

  really care that much about what's going [TS]

  on in the world why don't you sit down [TS]

  like a gentleman and find out what's [TS]

  actually going on in the world [TS]

  yeah um and and that's not the only [TS]

  thing to do but i think that's a good [TS]

  place to start because now if you go and [TS]

  follow all of that stuff that's what [TS]

  that's what smart people do is they look [TS]

  at different sources but they also try [TS]

  to get at least a gloss on what's [TS]

  happening all over the place [TS]

  yeah that's what smart people did you [TS]

  look at a you know look at that even a [TS]

  Clemenza Clemenza a new Hitler was a [TS]

  problem years before anybody else did [TS]

  you know what Clemenza had you know club [TS]

  listen if you're going to need to make [TS]

  sauce who for a bunch of guys we're [TS]

  going to do you get a little meatball [TS]

  yeah you know some Tomatoes you know [TS]

  what stick [TS]

  no one's paying attention yeah i don't [TS]

  know i mean i struggle with because I [TS]

  got back and forth with you know in my [TS]

  location and my personal stuff is [TS]

  starting with what you're saying there's [TS]

  a school of thought it's all about [TS]

  unplugging the router which I think can [TS]

  be useful if you've got a deadline and [TS]

  you just need to make words on a page [TS]

  that Grady a good short-term thing and [TS]

  in some ways it's a little similar to [TS]

  cold turkey with the substance but in [TS]

  the end I think it's about sort of read [TS]

  read digging the road you know I almost [TS]

  think about wagons of wagon wheels ruts [TS]

  in the road and how hard it is to get [TS]

  out of any kind of habit like that I [TS]

  think you kind of have to learn to be [TS]

  mindful on your own that you're doing [TS]

  that you know my my problem is more just [TS]

  more than just the regular consumption [TS]

  of news you know that this is this is a [TS]

  problem we've talked about before it's a [TS]

  problem that's you know kind of been it [TS]

  was true even in in the daily newspaper [TS]

  days if you got the daily newspaper you [TS]

  would be reading the same period that [TS]

  leave watching evening news like we've [TS]

  said but what's happening what's [TS]

  different about the internet is that [TS]

  there is this semiotic discussion [TS]

  happening simultaneously [TS]

  yeah you know and so you're you're it's [TS]

  not just that you're reading the Daily [TS]

  News it's that you're reading the Daily [TS]

  News and then every single editorial [TS]

  call [TS]

  come in the country including the [TS]

  including a UH a wide number of [TS]

  editorial columns from like a the nation [TS]

  of islam and editorial columns from the [TS]

  Socialist Workers paper and editorial [TS]

  columns from like five or six written by [TS]

  high school students and you know what I [TS]

  mean like like I i'm having semiotic [TS]

  overload i do not want any more analysis [TS]

  I'm not getting anything out of it I [TS]

  don't feel like the the ball is being [TS]

  advanced culturally by every single [TS]

  person having their anger there every [TS]

  single person expressing their doubts [TS]

  and confusion in the form of a really [TS]

  know what they imagine is the real [TS]

  solution right an announcement and I [TS]

  write their dead here are my doubts [TS]

  couched in a in a in the in the form of [TS]

  a program is anything like a monograph [TS]

  for me out right and so that seems to be [TS]

  the thing I cannot avoid I i turn on i [TS]

  mean i follow a really wide swath of [TS]

  people and thinkers I try to have a [TS]

  really wide ranging sort of balanced [TS]

  group of people that i'm following and [TS]

  so what that produces is a twitter feed [TS]

  that's like the the Israelis are them [TS]

  are the most evil people who ever lived [TS]

  on the word on the face of the earth [TS]

  there just like Hitler so you're like [TS]

  the worst most argumentative party ever [TS]

  yeah and then absolutely the next tweet [TS]

  is like the Palestinians are using [TS]

  children as shields and then the next [TS]

  one is like did you ever notice about [TS]

  did you ever notice that the Ukrainian [TS]

  government is you know is infiltrated by [TS]

  russian spies and then the next as [TS]

  literally the next week is just like [TS]

  Russia has a right to maintain the [TS]

  integrity of our own borders and and [TS]

  it's just like i'm i'm i'm reading all [TS]

  of the propaganda from every sect [TS]

  there's no it ends up almost being like [TS]

  you're almost find yourself getting your [TS]

  information from amateur press releases [TS]

  and and then and then and every 15th one [TS]

  will be a professional press release [TS]

  that just seems to be like us [TS]

  sit in comparison like incredibly [TS]

  mealy-mouthed than and non-committal and [TS]

  it's just like oh my god I I don't want [TS]

  to be I do not want to be in the [TS]

  parliament of of the moment you know [TS]

  yeah I will I want to be in I want to [TS]

  read the historical record I find that [TS]

  interesting and I want to sit in the [TS]

  Algonquin Hotel with a bunch of smart [TS]

  people and listen to their like [TS]

  witticisms about things but I'm what I'm [TS]

  listening to is the Minister of [TS]

  Information of 1,000,000 sex most of [TS]

  them are a sect of one or a sect of four [TS]

  or sect of 40 and a and I feel like and [TS]

  then on and then over on facebook of [TS]

  course it's it's um it's all of the [TS]

  ministers of information for a thousand [TS]

  different families i don't care about [TS]

  you know and so anyway I guess it's the [TS]

  two different baby problems you got [TS]

  pallets of babies on Twitter and then [TS]

  you got literally thousands of photos of [TS]

  fresh babies present raises fresh happy [TS]

  babies either kind of the the linchpin [TS]

  hear ya babies babies which are being [TS]

  you know like you are you're being shown [TS]

  that they are being swaddled in [TS]

  privilege which you already know they're [TS]

  going to have to really confront later [TS]

  like I look over on facebook and it's [TS]

  like look at all these baby swaddled in [TS]

  privilege and then I go over to Twitter [TS]

  and they're like all these baby swans [TS]

  and a privilege and it's like hey I [TS]

  don't want to be a part of that [TS]

  conversation is not interesting to me [TS]

  anymore and I thought it was that's [TS]

  what's great and what can you add to [TS]

  that you know anyone and what can you [TS]

  derive from it you know and then this is [TS]

  this is why i feel like i need to lock [TS]

  off because I sit down and I try and [TS]

  write my own thing and I go this is just [TS]

  and I'm just another person i'm just [TS]

  another person I don't want to be [TS]

  another person i have never been another [TS]

  person that's not good i I'm this person [TS]

  I am dog person not a person [TS]

  it happens mainly on your phone right it [TS]

  happens mainly on my phone and one of [TS]

  the great things i was i moved my eye [TS]

  desktop from my house to my office so at [TS]

  three o'clock in the morning i am no [TS]

  longer sitting at my desk in my home [TS]

  reading about firing pins or something [TS]

  right there yeah exactly following you [TS]

  know like I I it's not as fun to sit on [TS]

  your phone and like read the biography [TS]

  of Wellington and so that you know [TS]

  moving my my computer down in my office [TS]

  has been a has been very healthy and it [TS]

  might be a thing where i go back to you [TS]

  know what I originally was on Twitter I [TS]

  only did it from my desktop computer [TS]

  I didn't have because I didn't have a [TS]

  smartphone i just had a flip phone and [TS]

  you know it might be one of those stuff [TS]

  but you know what that feels like that [TS]

  feels like I only drink brown liquor or [TS]

  I only drink beer on wednesdays are you [TS]

  know it feels like I know I know [TS]

  yeah no I get that no reason i say it is [TS]

  a i mean i think one first line of [TS]

  defense if you haven't already is to [TS]

  turn off as many notifications [TS]

  I don't have any notification alright [TS]

  well I i find out every day how many [TS]

  people have notifications for things [TS]

  like at responses that kind of blows me [TS]

  away [TS]

  yeah those people either and you know [TS]

  they had you know that you know who they [TS]

  are because they replied you instantly [TS]

  know yet another thing you can do this [TS]

  is a very low level room high-level [TS]

  silly my fact which is that you can the [TS]

  apps that you find yourself most [TS]

  attracted to you might want to move that [TS]

  way off the front page [TS]

  it's not that much harder to get to but [TS]

  if there's something that's what lawyers [TS]

  call an attractive nuisance I i find [TS]

  even something as simple as for me [TS]

  definitely taking out of the dock and a [TS]

  little shelf at the bottom and further [TS]

  to that taking it off of the homepage [TS]

  further to that take it to a faraway [TS]

  page and putting it all in a little [TS]

  folder I can still just as easily search [TS]

  for it but it's still more work than [TS]

  turning on my phone and hitting that [TS]

  button which is I maybe you're not like [TS]

  this but for me I'm like a little monkey [TS]

  when I when I hit that scene at home [TS]

  screen it's i am like a little what like [TS]

  almost like a logo on our band that you [TS]

  can see my little cylinders flipping [TS]

  around trying to figure which one of [TS]

  these distractions I should click on [TS]

  first I very rarely click on the thing [TS]

  let me write something [TS]

  i'm more likely going to hit something [TS]

  like email or tweet pot or Twitter you [TS]

  know in my case like that that can help [TS]

  um here's what I here's what I click on [TS]

  my phone ok but and this is you know and [TS]

  I'm I've always been embarrassed about [TS]

  this I'm kind of embarrassed to share it [TS]

  but I go to turn on my phone I look at [TS]

  my email and generally i have a feeling [TS]

  of dread this has the emails loading and [TS]

  then I go to Twitter and I generally [TS]

  have a kind of a mild feeling of dread [TS]

  as x @ replies load like which person is [TS]

  going to yell at me for something that i [TS]

  wrote uh two weeks ago right and then [TS]

  that feeling of dread goes away when i [TS]

  read a bunch of like the replies that [TS]

  are trying to enlist me in some kind of [TS]

  hijinks you know but it's that it's that [TS]

  it's that like oh god don't let this be [TS]

  bad and then it's like oh this is bad [TS]

  this was full of praise and this is [TS]

  great i have that like up and down and [TS]

  then I go over and I i click on facebook [TS]

  and almost half the time that the [TS]

  interface the app is slow to load or the [TS]

  facebook at some you know Facebook right [TS]

  now anytime to unconsciously hold your [TS]

  breath [TS]

  yeah and and right now they want me to [TS]

  download their messenger a pirate and [TS]

  refused to do it so i have like I have [TS]

  this backlog of messages that people [TS]

  have sent me in facebook that i cannot [TS]

  read oh my god because facebook what [TS]

  insists that I download their thing I [TS]

  can't read it and so I haven't read them [TS]

  and maybe some of those people are like [TS]

  time-sensitive help but you have crabs [TS]

  so sorry shouldn't have tried to contact [TS]

  me on facebook and then I then the [TS]

  fourth thing I do on my phone as I go [TS]

  play solitaire I'll and that's why I I [TS]

  don't spoil the image on my suggestion [TS]

  is he more video games [TS]

  I don't see that's the thing i don't [TS]

  have enough video games and I don't I [TS]

  serious you need to get yourself i'm [TS]

  gonna suggest a game called threes that [TS]

  means you would really like lives is [TS]

  that does that is that like is it titled [TS]

  by its by like age appropriateness yes [TS]

  now configure breeds that thing is I'm [TS]

  just telling you whenever I find myself [TS]

  this is this [TS]

  you know and antithetical to lots of [TS]

  things but when i find myself going to [TS]

  her and I go to read this dumb news [TS]

  article I don't want to read and then it [TS]

  loads slowly and then there's a pop-up [TS]

  that I have to dismiss and then there's [TS]

  a slideshow to find out you know 17 [TS]

  important celebrity boobs and like now [TS]

  what am i doing i close and open up [TS]

  threes and this little song goes [TS]

  done done done and then Anna but I'm [TS]

  bump and move little cards little tiles [TS]

  around and I find it incredibly [TS]

  centering and I might be there in 20 [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  so can and it's a better it's a better [TS]

  thing it's a waste of time but it is a [TS]

  solitary a political non-emotional waste [TS]

  of time [TS]

  C&I you know and I i play this fucking [TS]

  solitaire game I used to play a mahjongg [TS]

  and for that I think that played [TS]

  mahjongg like around the first idea [TS]

  about how to play mahjong i would get [TS]

  along so much better in my neighborhood [TS]

  if I knew that [TS]

  oh yeah I loved by I had to take [TS]

  mahjongg off my phone because I did it [TS]

  exclusive of almost everything else and [TS]

  before that of course it was Tetris I am [TS]

  um and I find that if you know I'm i [TS]

  know i'm not alone and all right of [TS]

  course we've talked about before tetris [TS]

  it was minesweeper but if you could get [TS]

  paid to play minesweeper I would be the [TS]

  richest man in the world over because [TS]

  it's all i want to do really but I i [TS]

  think i think the the revelation without [TS]

  question when i first started really [TS]

  participating on the internet because [TS]

  you remember when wet when i was at the [TS]

  height of my music career I was actively [TS]

  discouraged by a lot of people from even [TS]

  going on the internet to comment on [TS]

  things or participate because it is [TS]

  initially the idea was you're a rockstar [TS]

  keep that mr. mythology keep the mystery [TS]

  about yourself you don't wanna be too [TS]

  accessible you don't want your fans to [TS]

  feel like you're just a regular person i [TS]

  mean i got this council from all kinds [TS]

  of people [TS]

  we wanted when I met you you had a very [TS]

  strongly held opinion on that [TS]

  yeah right well because I you know I [TS]

  thought about it a lot and I was like [TS]

  listen I don't want to just be on there [TS]

  just like a regular because you would [TS]

  diminish and this goes straight back [TS]

  again to this interview have my friend [TS]

  and protector the other day when you [TS]

  were talking about your impression you [TS]

  said this numerous times your impression [TS]

  of being of arriving in rock and up [TS]

  through the late nineties was I think [TS]

  you can get a private jet with the so [TS]

  symbol on it [TS]

  yeah yeah and then and you know that is [TS]

  not the kind of people who respond you [TS]

  know you don't sit on your jet [TS]

  responding to comments like Robert Plant [TS]

  never wrote a letter back to a kid they [TS]

  just slap in the face with his dick [TS]

  yeah you just say to send like so he'd [TS]

  send you a fish in the mail like you [TS]

  know that is the jet not only had soso [TS]

  written on the side that had a sunken [TS]

  living room in it and the carpeting John [TS]

  Sheppard so at a certain point [TS]

  yeah you know at in 2007 or whatever I [TS]

  abandoned that and I went into the [TS]

  internet i remember when i first joined [TS]

  twitter I tiptoed in and I was doing I [TS]

  was sending tweets out that were that [TS]

  were intentionally kind of like just a [TS]

  different side of myself kind of like [TS]

  funny little surreal little tweets that [TS]

  I never ever referred to even music let [TS]

  alone my own music [TS]

  I was just talking about the mundane [TS]

  stuff around my house and I really [TS]

  enjoyed it i really enjoyed the response [TS]

  in a different world i mean you are you [TS]

  coming to 2008-2009 2007-2008 yeah and [TS]

  it was a different it was a different [TS]

  time but but I don't want to be all the [TS]

  sentimental about it but then there was [TS]

  a then there was a very definite time in [TS]

  the sort of middle part where I [TS]

  absolutely felt like being a participant [TS]

  in the internet was furthering my it was [TS]

  advancing my personal brand [TS]

  it was advancing my career in a way that [TS]

  people knew me now differently the it I [TS]

  wasn't reliant on that small handful of [TS]

  music magazines that were writing about [TS]

  me I wasn't reliant on them to get my [TS]

  message out or I didn't have to i didn't [TS]

  have to hide [TS]

  I wasn't creating mystery about myself [TS]

  because I was in I I didn't need to [TS]

  create it because I was intrinsically [TS]

  mysterious enough to be interesting and [TS]

  end and so people started asking me to [TS]

  do things i started to get work i was [TS]

  able to maintain a career even in the [TS]

  absence of releasing new records you [TS]

  know it for the internet felt like a [TS]

  great and and I was having arguments [TS]

  with people in rock-and-roll who were [TS]

  some of the mad that i was wasting time [TS]

  on the internet some of them jealous [TS]

  that I was able can watch you not doing [TS]

  what they were expecting you to do [TS]

  yeah and there were a lot of you know a [TS]

  lot of my fellow musicians were like [TS]

  envious of the kind of other life i was [TS]

  able to have on the internet because [TS]

  they would go on Twitter or whatever and [TS]

  they didn't know what to say and they [TS]

  were grateful for the fact that their [TS]

  message had been masked that they were [TS]

  they were grateful that they only had to [TS]

  give five interviews a year they didn't [TS]

  want to [TS]

  they felt like going on the internet was [TS]

  like giving an interview every day and [TS]

  that was their worst nightmare also is [TS]

  not only distraction but it was so I'm [TS]

  looking for watering down their [TS]

  messaging well yeah and also it was [TS]

  revealing about them something that they [TS]

  feared which was that their music was [TS]

  the most interesting thing about them [TS]

  and the music was the message and if you [TS]

  took away that then they just that they [TS]

  didn't have anything to say they didn't [TS]

  have an interesting viewpoint right it [TS]

  was the the music was there interesting [TS]

  viewpoint [TS]

  and so there was a lot you know there [TS]

  was there were and I still meet people [TS]

  all the time that are like well you you [TS]

  can do that because you seem to have [TS]

  things to say but like I don't I I i [TS]

  fail at it and that those are all those [TS]

  Twitter accounts for bands that are just [TS]

  like your upcoming shows ever [TS]

  yeah but at a certain point I it's [TS]

  inescapable to me that the that the [TS]

  world has changed and i have changed and [TS]

  now I do not feel any more like i am i'm [TS]

  certainly not unique among entertainers [TS]

  who have found a separate voice on the [TS]

  internet that's very common and the [TS]

  group think and the reciprocal echo [TS]

  chamber e nature of all of the places [TS]

  that exists right now i'm not i don't [TS]

  feel not only do I not feel special [TS]

  there but i don't feel like i'm getting [TS]

  anything out of it and maybe I need to [TS]

  maybe I need to go live on a mountain [TS]

  top [TS]

  yeah i mean you know i would still talk [TS]

  to you from mountaintop thank you i [TS]

  would talk to you on my shortwave radio [TS]

  but you know mountaintop maybe what do [TS]

  you think back to the mountaintop [TS]

  because i don't want to know what I [TS]

  think when i wrote pretend to fall [TS]

  prefer i was living in an apartment [TS]

  oh yes when you're in new york city new [TS]

  york city i was living in an apartment a [TS]

  hundred 18th Lexington the first long [TS]

  winters record had not come out yet and [TS]

  i was convinced that I was like at 32 [TS]

  years old was like completely over the [TS]

  hill my whatever relevance i had was [TS]

  going to be a kind of quaint relevance [TS]

  and i was living in this apartment in [TS]

  neighborhood where nobody would have [TS]

  recognized me as anything other than [TS]

  that guy that vaguely looks like a cop [TS]

  who comes in every day and gets to don't [TS]

  neatly in Harlem [TS]

  yeah i donated elections in Spanish [TS]

  Harlem [TS]

  so so a lot of the people you know the [TS]

  the people at the copy shop at the [TS]

  corner where I got my coffee and donut [TS]

  every morning didn't speak English at [TS]

  all and in that in that place of total [TS]

  anonymity [TS]

  I did not feel alone i did not feel [TS]

  disconnected i went home every day and [TS]

  and wrote I wrote all the songs for that [TS]

  next album and i have not really had [TS]

  that feeling of love you know complete [TS]

  sort of um the the freedom of no [TS]

  expectations i haven't had that feeling [TS]

  since then because it because the moment [TS]

  that you know the moment that next [TS]

  record came out then I heard them are my [TS]

  first record came out then I imagine [TS]

  that there were people who had [TS]

  expectations of me and then there were [TS]

  people there were people who did but I [TS]

  gave that you know I give those people [TS]

  way more weight than they deserve [TS]

  and ever since then I've been writing [TS]

  you know I've been writing for an [TS]

  audience I guess as opposed to just [TS]

  writing for me now I that's a really I [TS]

  think that's pretty and participation is [TS]

  because I I've always felt like I hear [TS]

  you because like when i was writing and [TS]

  writing something everyday and putting [TS]

  it up online i developed one good one I [TS]

  think very good habit which was I knew [TS]

  that was my job to put some words [TS]

  together and make it go somewhere and [TS]

  that's a good habit that's good habit [TS]

  but when i accidentally picked up [TS]

  several less good habits and the less [TS]

  good habits have been much more durable [TS]

  for me unless good habits are after i [TS]

  posted that series of words regardless [TS]

  of how well edited and thought through [TS]

  it was I would immediately go and see [TS]

  how well it was doing haha so and when I [TS]

  got google analytics on my site boy that [TS]

  was a real oh you could see in you can [TS]

  see every aspect [TS]

  yeah and I mean this i'm not trying to [TS]

  beat myself up here but i think that I'm [TS]

  probably not the first person in the [TS]

  world who would spend 10 minutes writing [TS]

  something and then x 3 minutes looking [TS]

  at how well it was [TS]

  like now for you that's that we talked [TS]

  about we talked about this in our early [TS]

  interviews you know when your record [TS]

  comes out that first week you really [TS]

  want to ride on the scout soundscan [TS]

  staff to see how things are going [TS]

  that's one week out of two or three [TS]

  years right you may still not getting [TS]

  this night i'm not trying to [TS]

  oversimplify it but the trouble is like [TS]

  it does it doesn't take very much [TS]

  it really doesn't take very much in [TS]

  terms of hits on your own ego or feeling [TS]

  of ability self-esteem adjustability it [TS]

  doesn't take very much to go pretty [TS]

  quickly to like I can't wait to go see [TS]

  how this thing did way more than I'm [TS]

  going to be okay with it not nobody even [TS]

  knowing what i'm doing for a month and [TS]

  you can't even imagine that today nobody [TS]

  even knowing that you're working on [TS]

  something that feels unheard of [TS]

  that's what I'm trying to picture i'm [TS]

  sitting here trying to let myself make [TS]

  John deck or something [TS]

  sounds like some sort of some kind of [TS]

  crazed you know person out in the woods [TS]

  yeah his know who sitting there with [TS]

  this toy piano and is real quick yeah [TS]

  well what would happen to me [TS]

  psychologically if no one gave me any [TS]

  praise for a month [TS]

  that wasn't standing right in front of [TS]

  me oh my god [TS]

  oh that's a thought technology you know [TS]

  and what would happen if you're up for [TS]

  the next month i worked on something and [TS]

  saw things with my own eyes and shared [TS]

  them with I don't know one so not only [TS]

  would you not create stuff with the idea [TS]

  that you congratulated on it like not [TS]

  only would you not happen upon those [TS]

  things you go out of your way to not [TS]

  even notice what somebody thought about [TS]

  you from what if I saw a duck carrying a [TS]

  a ok like carrying a banana [TS]

  I would not take a picture of it no [TS]

  photo i would not talk about it i would [TS]

  not come up with a third funny thing to [TS]

  say about a duck carrying a banana and [TS]

  it's got good [TS]

  hey let me get a job they wanted and I [TS]

  you know I would just see it then i [TS]

  would go huh [TS]

  just like I used to and it's another [TS]

  fucking deck with a minute that's it is [TS]

  how many by a dollar and then i would [TS]

  get on with my fucking light that's so [TS]

  funny to know why [TS]

  I don't know and you know and the thing [TS]

  is right now if I saw a duck with a [TS]

  banana out the window and I didn't get a [TS]

  picture of it I would be like oh fuck [TS]

  rightful my whole week is ruined that [TS]

  was like ah ha i have all right there [TS]

  yeah it was me i had the phone pointed [TS]

  at it and then my fucking iphone shut [TS]

  down because it only had twenty nine [TS]

  percent battery power this episode of [TS]

  rock on the line is sponsored by our [TS]

  very good friends at Squarespace you [TS]

  know Squarespace they are the all-in-one [TS]

  platform that makes it fast and easy to [TS]

  create your own professional website [TS]

  portfolio or online store they make the [TS]

  whole process so simple you have an easy [TS]

  drag-and-drop interface and beautiful [TS]

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  Squarespace also offers free 24 x seven [TS]

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  and Portland who John and I have u [TS]

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  three years now they have been great to [TS]

  work with [TS]

  we would love it if you would give them [TS]

  a try to remember Squarespace plans [TS]

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  please remember tell Squarespace you [TS]

  heard about it from your positronic on [TS]

  the line listeners of this program get a [TS]

  free trial plus ten percent off any [TS]

  package they choose by using the special [TS]

  offer code supertrain at checkout our [TS]

  thanks to squarespace for supporting rod [TS]

  on the line we could not do it without [TS]

  like respect always supposed to live how [TS]

  do we supposed to live I am I went to I [TS]

  went to my daughter is a halloween day [TS]

  at her school and I village officials [TS]

  crossing share this great captain [TS]

  america costume all her friends looked [TS]

  adorable and ice I took lots of videos [TS]

  lots of videos lots of videos and I [TS]

  didn't realize until I taken like three [TS]

  or four these really good like three [TS]

  minute videos that i was doing this [TS]

  thing that I always do which is I didn't [TS]

  realize that i hadn't turned the video [TS]

  hadn't started shooting and then i would [TS]

  get pics pictures the whole time [TS]

  no not even that no it's like I like [TS]

  imagine me holding it up to the all [TS]

  these adorable five [TS]

  your old dressed up in costumes so I hit [TS]

  the button i'm shooting for three [TS]

  minutes and then I hit the button to [TS]

  stop only realizing in that exact you [TS]

  talk about this is some fucking [TS]

  jean-paul Sartre shit [TS]

  the second you hit that button it goes [TS]

  up and starts recording and you realize [TS]

  that you weren't recording for three [TS]

  minutes and that's such a feeling like [TS]

  that and that's a pretty good hard one [TS]

  like i really wish i had more videos of [TS]

  my daughter and her friends but it's [TS]

  like man there goes there goes a fucking [TS]

  talk with a banana and i'm sitting here [TS]

  with my phone in my hand pointed at it [TS]

  it was right there and I just didn't put [TS]

  my thumb on the setup right I got the [TS]

  Sun behind me I know what I'm doing her [TS]

  a semi-professional I know what I'm [TS]

  doing PS god dammit so so this house I [TS]

  got something a project you're thinking [TS]

  about well you know i just i have to say [TS]

  that that the reason this intruded upon [TS]

  me so so profoundly was that I you know [TS]

  I have always had for the last 15 years [TS]

  let's say the last two now let's say [TS]

  last yeah let's say well let's let's [TS]

  limited to 10 years for the last ten [TS]

  years I have had five outstanding [TS]

  projects all of which you know sometimes [TS]

  the sometimes a project gets completed [TS]

  right in that time I made three [TS]

  full-length record albums and a an EP [TS]

  and in that time I have produced some [TS]

  number of podcast with you and I've [TS]

  written some newspaper articles but uh [TS]

  for that entire 10 years i have i have [TS]

  had on the wall post it note that says [TS]

  graduate from college [TS]

  what an asshole and I look at that [TS]

  posted i look at the edges are curled [TS]

  it's all yellow the ink is faded it's in [TS]

  fancy script [TS]

  yeah but it says graduate from college [TS]

  and I look at it and I go it would be [TS]

  very easy for me to graduate from [TS]

  college I have all the credits necessary [TS]

  i just need to fill out the forms hand [TS]

  in you know one paper on Karl Marx that [TS]

  I copy out of Wikipedia [TS]

  and submit you know my-my ungainly [TS]

  thesis to them which is written but [TS]

  which I which i withhold from them [TS]

  because I don't feel that they have [TS]

  earned it and so I look at that and I go [TS]

  well I yeah I should absolutely you know [TS]

  what there's a new quarter coming up I [TS]

  should absolutely go down there this [TS]

  quarter and I should figure out how to [TS]

  graduate from college and I have gone [TS]

  down to the University at the start of [TS]

  the quarter eight times in the last 15 [TS]

  years and said to the said to my friends [TS]

  down there hey I really want to graduate [TS]

  from college this quarter and they say [TS]

  oh well you gotta hand in that paper for [TS]

  about marks and I go got-dammit and I go [TS]

  home in it and I do nothing and and uh [TS]

  in that time the people at the [TS]

  University have changed right [TS]

  the Maya my original advisor passed away [TS]

  than the chairman of the department [TS]

  handled me for a long time and then he [TS]

  retired and then the guys that had been [TS]

  ph sees when i started now we're running [TS]

  the department and then now they are [TS]

  retiring the next generation of [TS]

  professors are starting to retire and [TS]

  i'm still going down there with the same [TS]

  problem so there's that there's my you [TS]

  know my book uh my book about my walk [TS]

  there is the the long winters album the [TS]

  4th 4th full-length long winters album [TS]

  which is completely recorded except for [TS]

  vocals and has been for four years and [TS]

  and then there are the you know the [TS]

  various like other projects that are and [TS]

  that i could sit and described to you [TS]

  but that are fully formed in my mind [TS]

  just have never liked no boots on the [TS]

  ground right yeah [TS]

  and now you know there's this new [TS]

  concept of like why don't have a [TS]

  television show someone somehow [TS]

  everybody at people i meet in an airport [TS]

  and talk to 45 minutes or like why don't [TS]

  you have a television show ever given [TS]

  away for a while and I'm like fuck why [TS]

  don't have a television show anyway but [TS]

  on a post-it note C right next to [TS]

  graduate from college so I so I I and [TS]

  the things i did not have a post-it note [TS]

  that said have a kid but I went ahead [TS]

  and did that I got that done and I so [TS]

  I'm thinking about like what [TS]

  so what is the what is keeping me from [TS]

  finishing these things and honestly [TS]

  right now it's insecurity more than [TS]

  anything [TS]

  look I know it you know i look at the [TS]

  thing and I'm like oh god oh god I'd if [TS]

  I finish that and it's bad that man [TS]

  right there with you [TS]

  yeah and so why do I want where's this [TS]

  insecurity comment coming from and I [TS]

  just I feel like like the inn at the [TS]

  very least the internet is not helping [TS]

  you through the internet is not helping [TS]

  me feel less insecure and I'm not you [TS]

  know insecurity that's not my bugbear [TS]

  you know I'm a I'm a UH I was I'm [TS]

  important to her [TS]

  I meant to be here for your legacy [TS]

  I'm a legacy my dad was important [TS]

  totally important he was very important [TS]

  man i'm here to fulfill his dreams he [TS]

  let me know that multiple times when I [TS]

  was a kid has as the years went by how [TS]

  disappointed he realizes that wasn't [TS]

  working out like a while you know I mean [TS]

  see and that's that that's number five [TS]

  on my list be a u.s. senator which is [TS]

  you know i have not abandoned that idea [TS]

  yeah being a u.s. senator is still it's [TS]

  still very real to me [TS]

  yeah but I mean there's so many parts of [TS]

  all those things as big as the project [TS]

  is or as small as the project is [TS]

  promising as it is as overdue or you [TS]

  know incomplete as it is there's still [TS]

  some part of every one of those that can [TS]

  feel like the beginning [TS]

  feel like the beginning [TS]

  handle that helps you grab that thing [TS]

  you can feel just slightly out of reach [TS]

  and the fact that it's just slightly out [TS]

  of reach ends up being much more [TS]

  damaging than the fact that it's [TS]

  completely out of reach [TS]

  we're completely out of reach you say [TS]

  with black which i'm not going to do [TS]

  that right [TS]

  I'm not become a jockey I'm too tall to [TS]

  be a jockey handle on that it can have [TS]

  my pilot [TS]

  yeah I won't fit in the plane yeah well [TS]

  yeah but these things are your right [TS]

  there is some of them seem tantalizingly [TS]

  close but just far enough away i think [TS]

  you gotta look at video games you're [TS]

  saying that video games are going to be [TS]

  but they are the there the talcum it's [TS]

  not a panacea unless you end up writing [TS]

  an iOS app called panacea but guide to [TS]

  essential link in the robot you can go [TS]

  look at 3i think you should download it [TS]

  today and remove those off your page and [TS]

  you know maybe yeah yeah I don't know [TS]

  maybe because posted notes are helping [TS]

  but you feel like it will be an [TS]

  indictment if you took down the post it [TS]

  well what am i getting up so this is the [TS]

  so let me let me just the college thing [TS]

  for instance i feel like i have gotten a [TS]

  lot of satisfaction and never having [TS]

  graduated from college I feel I feel [TS]

  that there are lots and lots of cocktail [TS]

  parties where everyone is comparing [TS]

  their smart college that they that they [TS]

  graduated from and then it comes to me [TS]

  and i get i am the only one that the [TS]

  only one in the room that hasn't [TS]

  graduated from college and that that is [TS]

  a that's a little reverse snobbery a [TS]

  little point of pride but do I want to [TS]

  go to my grave not having graduated from [TS]

  college or do I want to graduate from [TS]

  college just to just so that my father [TS]

  and my uncle and his uncle before him [TS]

  can all rest in their graves and say you [TS]

  know like it's the it is anymore [TS]

  the middle class it's it's it's some [TS]

  kind of like lay that you get when you [TS]

  get off the airplane in Honolulu of the [TS]

  middle and substantial Hawaii right and [TS]

  you just should have it writer you [TS]

  should and especially having done all [TS]

  the work that people ask questions you [TS]

  know they're so like move [TS]

  wonder why it's getting kind of odd he [TS]

  seems like he should be one of us [TS]

  yeah and so if i am going to do it if if [TS]

  if I'm not gonna take that post-it note [TS]

  down if I intend to do it then why not [TS]

  now [TS]

  like why would I would I let another 10 [TS]

  years go by [TS]

  that's a question I can't answer that's [TS]

  a question I can't even answer somebody [TS]

  asked me the other day how do you [TS]

  picture the narrative in your mind [TS]

  they were saying the days that the ideas [TS]

  that they have they see go by like a [TS]

  ticker-tape like us like a scroll on on [TS]

  CNN that the the thoughts [TS]

  yeah they're thought timeline and I said [TS]

  I see like my oh my aware mind as a kind [TS]

  of foggy more and there are phases [TS]

  coming out of the fog and some of them [TS]

  are very close [TS]

  the fog is extremely thick some of those [TS]

  faces are close enough that I can [TS]

  discern their features and they are [TS]

  speaking the loudest and then their [TS]

  faces that are a little further away and [TS]

  they're less distinct and I can hear [TS]

  their voices to and then there are [TS]

  phases that are then i can just make out [TS]

  sort of the basics of their features and [TS]

  then their faces that are just an [TS]

  outline just a shadow and then in the [TS]

  distance voices I can hear where I can't [TS]

  see the faces but I can still hear you [TS]

  know their voices are still audible and [TS]

  though and the faces that approximate [TS]

  keep changing like the ones that are [TS]

  closest to me then back away into the [TS]

  fog and other ones come step forward and [TS]

  it is a disc sort of like whack-a-mole [TS]

  on a foggy more of different [TS]

  different people saying different things [TS]

  and what will ever like and I think one [TS]

  of those voices is one of those people [TS]

  just lives in the more and every once in [TS]

  awhile walk forward and goes college and [TS]

  then steps back and turned his face away [TS]

  you can't see who it was [TS]

  yeah he might have other jobs you might [TS]

  walk forward every once in awhile and [TS]

  say marriage retirement think he might [TS]

  he might have like seven things he says [TS]

  but he's like how am I ever gonna quiet [TS]

  that guy [TS]

  yeah hand him a diploma he's well he's [TS]

  Welsh will step forward one day college [TS]

  and I go here and implemented but it's [TS]

  like oh shit [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  that's good [TS]