Roderick on the Line

Ep. 134: "A Minimum of Eels"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by cards against humanity they [TS]

  asked us not to read an ad [TS]

  hey just enjoy the show [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  I'm Merlin hi John [TS]

  I didn't answer like I normally do by [TS]

  just saying hello hello [TS]

  because I knew it was you yeah it's [TS]

  always time coming stupid sometimes [TS]

  sometimes I'm not sure even though it [TS]

  says Merlin some people use skype as a [TS]

  social network and that troubles me you [TS]

  know every time i log onto my computer [TS]

  now every time I open skype it has a [TS]

  status report on there from Brett [TS]

  terpstra oh yeah uh I don't know why [TS]

  skype thinks that that that i'm [TS]

  wondering what Brett's doing everyday i [TS]

  do i yeah i think I get that too [TS]

  I get that too and I find out it's [TS]

  mostly everybody like me angrily [TS]

  announcing to please not bother them [TS]

  because they're on skype [TS]

  yeah or yeah it's exactly it's like I'm [TS]

  if I'm here I'm eating breakfast [TS]

  sometimes it tells me it's someone's [TS]

  birthday [TS]

  oh yeah yeah no I don't want to have [TS]

  another social network [TS]

  I really don't i don't want to have the [TS]

  ones i have oh I know and this is what I [TS]

  I feel particularly unplug from reality [TS]

  because I've for years I've used skype [TS]

  if you look at the total number of hours [TS]

  well over ninety five percent have been [TS]

  for exactly one thing which is rewarding [TS]

  podcast with other people and then very [TS]

  occasionally like especially somebody [TS]

  like Australia or something must have a [TS]

  phone call it's easier and cheaper is [TS]

  correct I would never I would never [TS]

  think of skype is a phone in my hand and [TS]

  I would certainly never think of it you [TS]

  know as i get the occasional invitation [TS]

  to give you get this you get random [TS]

  people going like hey let me access you [TS]

  on skype like why would I do that [TS]

  it's like somebody coming up to your [TS]

  during dinnertime knock on the screen [TS]

  door and make a gesture like they're [TS]

  holding a key movie and I just get a [TS]

  button that if we give me a quick tup [TS]

  think you know we don't be a dick if I [TS]

  was living in a post-apocalyptic [TS]

  landscape if and i can and i came over i [TS]

  came over a rise in a meadow and I saw [TS]

  you across on an opposite Hill then you [TS]

  started waving to me [TS]

  i would i would turn and walk down the [TS]

  other side of the hill and pretend I had [TS]

  not seen you might be regular uh-huh [TS]

  no not you know you I would wave at [TS]

  least a little a given yeah that's going [TS]

  as you know I am [TS]

  my computer is running 10.6 point eight [TS]

  then why did you say that don't say that [TS]

  hahaha the second reason for you not to [TS]

  say that might have to cut all that out [TS]

  you can take that out ya know tell me [TS]

  what are the reasons I'm gonna get a lot [TS]

  of angry hate mail from from from people [TS]

  from John Cirque use' because i'm not [TS]

  running is a hit i'm not running by apps [TS]

  correctly I don't want to get into it [TS]

  John ok Boyle step 0 we should never [TS]

  talk about computers but the other [TS]

  problem is that that's a very very very [TS]

  very old operating system that's [TS]

  probably not getting security of cake [TS]

  so you basically just made some double [TS]

  your keys and through the ihit sighs cic [TS]

  hello you're saying you're saying that I [TS]

  am vulnerable that people are going to [TS]

  come into my computer I'm saying [TS]

  somebody could give you a copy 23 of [TS]

  threes and you never come out your that [TS]

  vulnerable [TS]

  yeah I don't kill me feeling pretty [TS]

  vulnerable yeah me too i didn't realize [TS]

  so you're saying I've left the back door [TS]

  open [TS]

  well I don't know you personally like a [TS]

  10-point 6.8 has been stable operating [TS]

  system for me in what sense it's been [TS]

  it's been a very in the sense yes in the [TS]

  sense that every single time in the last [TS]

  eight years that i have taken apples [TS]

  advice and downloaded a new operating [TS]

  system it has bricked whatever device it [TS]

  it i was trying to improve and just [TS]

  turned it into a just a flying piece of [TS]

  shit [TS]

  yeah just a fucking ass potato mmm yeah [TS]

  and so I don't I don't download new [TS]

  operating systems because they seem like [TS]

  jokes they seem like they seem like [TS]

  elaborate tricks that Apple is pulling [TS]

  to make me buy a new product [TS]

  oh we've got a new operating system and [TS]

  it's gonna completely fry the thing that [TS]

  you bought even the thing that you [TS]

  bought three months ago [TS]

  it's going to just slow it down bog it [TS]

  down now it's going to get [TS]

  the flickr it's gonna just like fuck you [TS]

  people fool me twice shame on you [TS]

  a mind is it wasted thing ass potatoes [TS]

  well um i wish i could disagree with you [TS]

  haha it's true it's true and you know [TS]

  he's a little it's getting more true is [TS]

  the problem it used to be at you know [TS]

  who cares when we talk about computers [TS]

  but you have to be at yours and eat [TS]

  boobs or maybe we should get Dan Harmon [TS]

  on the phone or whoever you're doing [TS]

  other podcast with antenna [TS]

  yeah I suggested Joe be careful i saw [TS]

  your friend Joel McHale on television [TS]

  twice yesterday he's on television a lot [TS]

  now we were in a hotel room which is the [TS]

  only time that we see TV that regular TV [TS]

  he was on that that show that's like [TS]

  talk soup is it talks sooo in proc soup [TS]

  is a top zip is still talk soon [TS]

  it's very much like talk soup it's [TS]

  called talk soup talks to buy used to [TS]

  watch that was a great career was on [TS]

  that show [TS]

  yeah uh-huh that was probably when [TS]

  you're operating system came out using [TS]

  mm you know there was a glitch in the [TS]

  White House with you about told Mikael [TS]

  is that he really is that tall he looks [TS]

  like he's tall and he's talk turns out [TS]

  he was also in um he was in a movie or [TS]

  TV show we watched and I can't remember [TS]

  what that sounds reasonable but he had a [TS]

  bit part as a as a balding man also [TS]

  heard Rob Corddry doing ads for pizza [TS]

  hut that was kinda cool [TS]

  he's balding man he's balding man other [TS]

  balding news [TS]

  a nic do know Nick funiest thing is that [TS]

  comedian it is a comedian and a good guy [TS]

  a guy that I that I that I know a little [TS]

  bit and he is now doing those honda [TS]

  commercials I see him on TV all the time [TS]

  about that and I go ahead and look at [TS]

  that there's a guy making money Todd [TS]

  Barry he's bald right quad barriers ball [TS]

  would be more all is a baby [TS]

  oh he is making a comment like the [TS]

  comedy podcast circuit there's so many [TS]

  comedy podcast on [TS]

  just how many podcasts he doesn't [TS]

  comment he does apart he does the park [TS]

  i've been on his podcast and KL he does [TS]

  a podcast where he sits you across the [TS]

  table from him [TS]

  kitchen table across the kitchen table [TS]

  and there's one microphone [TS]

  yeah it sounds like it sounds like he's [TS]

  a recording it on like an easy-bake oven [TS]

  he's got a he's got a plug-and-play [TS]

  microphone that's a common thing among [TS]

  company party you know I'm not a podcast [TS]

  quality advocate I don't really care but [TS]

  there are some where it really does [TS]

  sound like they're recording on phone [TS]

  you know you and I are sitting across [TS]

  the country from each other right now [TS]

  and not really not really across the [TS]

  country beyond what up and down the [TS]

  country [TS]

  yeah and we both have really nice [TS]

  microphones we've made investments in [TS]

  the quality of the sound of our hot [TS]

  chest don't get me involved in this is [TS]

  like this i don't know what i want to [TS]

  talk about is having a lot like Todd [TS]

  berries microphone is basically just [TS]

  it's it's just searching the airwaves [TS]

  for the sound of fire engines but he's [TS]

  getting a police scanner but for how [TS]

  many [TS]

  yeah it doesn't well it does pick up [TS]

  human voices but if there's a siren or a [TS]

  garbage truck that's what it really [TS]

  wants to that's what they call a [TS]

  condenser mic condenser mics pick up a [TS]

  lot said the guy who has a train going [TS]

  by his house every eight minutes [TS]

  ding-ding-ding ringing hello [TS]

  anyway uh yeah computers you know and [TS]

  the thing is nobody cares but the other [TS]

  thing is you know I think it's always [TS]

  just what's worse in some ways with the [TS]

  phones with the all those well here's [TS]

  why because if you're still using a [TS]

  computer you know stuff about computers [TS]

  probably but there are a lot of people [TS]

  whose entry into the Apple world is [TS]

  through an iOS device and so they went [TS]

  to know what the heck I'll get one of [TS]

  these 16 gigabyte iphones and and of [TS]

  course it's you know not obviated within [TS]

  a couple years but it's not nearly as [TS]

  good [TS]

  after two years when you go to install [TS]

  the iOS update on it goes then this [TS]

  isn't big enough you have to go [TS]

  connected to the computer or something [TS]

  only your photos row [TS]

  Oh to be your photos you know the funny [TS]

  thing is I go into I go into itunes now [TS]

  to manage my phone here we go into [TS]

  itunes going to manage my phone to my [TS]

  itunes is on a computer that's running [TS]

  10.6 phone 8 and I'm in there trying to [TS]

  manage the phone and all the sudden it [TS]

  didn't use to do this but you know down [TS]

  it's got the little bar down below that [TS]

  says like how much of your phone is used [TS]

  for certain things [TS]

  it's like photos were thing music [TS]

  getting other down there everything and [TS]

  then there's this other and it's like [TS]

  it's like forty percent of the phone is [TS]

  used for other you cannot access what [TS]

  other is or tell what they differentiate [TS]

  what other is you cannot change what [TS]

  other is yeah and uh and so it's so [TS]

  again it's like the diagnostic tool that [TS]

  tells you [TS]

  diagnostics networking that's paid you [TS]

  click on it sligo you would you like to [TS]

  run a diagnostic yes I would [TS]

  well let's go through 14 steps to tell [TS]

  you to unplug your router you know it's [TS]

  just like every time I make the mistake [TS]

  to run that diagnostic tool I'm just [TS]

  leave that diagnostic it's like it's [TS]

  like a fuck it's an it's another joke [TS]

  app somebody down in cupertino was like [TS]

  haha it's at you know what it is it's [TS]

  like that it's like the mercury [TS]

  astronauts they gave them a lever that [TS]

  wasn't connected to anything and they [TS]

  said now you're steering the spaceship [TS]

  we're going to put a window in the side [TS]

  of the can [TS]

  we're going to give you a lever that [TS]

  makes a ding sound now you're a pilot [TS]

  your pilot and that's what Apple is [TS]

  doing with all this garbage [TS]

  it's like oh you want to be a pilot you [TS]

  want to be a pilot here it's it's the [TS]

  it's the ANR rep button on the mixing [TS]

  console call anytime [TS]

  it's the it's the side like turn the [TS]

  suck button-down fuck you [TS]

  yeah yeah but you know you got [TS]

  alternative she could go and get a [TS]

  Chromebook make it a dell pc but guy you [TS]

  know I told you write the dell tried to [TS]

  send me a one of the hot new oh yeah [TS]

  right yeah story [TS]

  yeah they were there were some person [TS]

  from dell was like hey you know you seem [TS]

  to be a thought leader would like to [TS]

  send you one of our hot new laptops and [TS]

  I was like oh yeah well sure but but I [TS]

  don't want the one that you're sending [TS]

  everybody else i want you to give me the [TS]

  real hot one and she was like well i'll [TS]

  have to check with the up the [TS]

  mucky-mucks and she came back she was [TS]

  like you've been approved to get the [TS]

  real hot one and then I just never [TS]

  replied your email [TS]

  nice that's all you needed your computer [TS]

  shoot she was meeting you could have [TS]

  gotten one that brought me a couple of [TS]

  times she was like hello sir i was like [TS]

  me now I don't want those it's just [TS]

  gonna be another thing that I don't know [TS]

  I don't know how to plug in [TS]

  yeah yeah but I'm a friend had dinner [TS]

  with a friend the other day and he had [TS]

  one of these pieces ma'am piece of [TS]

  Microsoft phones all I've heard those [TS]

  that said to fund the microsoft makes [TS]

  you had said it's a I think they're out [TS]

  in the wild you can actually go out and [TS]

  get one [TS]

  sure it's a big phone or whatever you [TS]

  can bring people on it and then you turn [TS]

  into later and it's like it's got it [TS]

  looks like a microsoft store a mi with [TS]

  him every time we walk by the store that [TS]

  has the big bespoke sign it every time [TS]

  we walk by the microsoft store is not [TS]

  empty but there are so many people [TS]

  working there and it's a look tonight [TS]

  was the person it I they outnumber the [TS]

  customers yeah but yes we'll get the [TS]

  Apple stores like a who concert like I [TS]

  don't even go in there it's just so [TS]

  ridiculous this phone had you know it [TS]

  has those little tiles [TS]

  yeah you know what I'm talking tom i [TS]

  think was with hobbes they called monads [TS]

  microsoft was the one that invented the [TS]

  window is it it's that right yeah and [TS]

  the file they working on a minute you're [TS]

  well they didn't have computer files [TS]

  until they were literally invented by [TS]

  Microsoft that's right or I mean I mean [TS]

  maybe maybe windows were invented by you [TS]

  some guy in a hewlett-packard lab yeah [TS]

  but that guy is dead now [TS]

  yes buried in a field and Microsoft just [TS]

  saying if they got files and windows be [TS]

  creating some unmarked grapes [TS]

  I think they may have done they may have [TS]

  done but so this little thing so he's [TS]

  holding this phone up and it's very [TS]

  light [TS]

  it's much lighter than iphone his mother [TS]

  nothin it [TS]

  where's myself works great as long as [TS]

  you don't use it [TS]

  nothing on at those pictures way a lot [TS]

  and it's very shiny but the little uh [TS]

  icons were just slightly animated oh [TS]

  yeah so that they are flipping as you're [TS]

  looking at the phone the static phone [TS]

  you're doing nothing to it and it's like [TS]

  it's like slide showing pictures of [TS]

  people that you know on linkedin and but [TS]

  like a little game and scoots around and [TS]

  stuff yeah stuff scooting around some [TS]

  stuff is fucking moving around on your [TS]

  phone and you're not doing anything and [TS]

  I was like I I hate this thing already i [TS]

  hate that you have it sir [TS]

  sitting across from her people who [TS]

  really like is it called that the Metro [TS]

  interface I've heard some people talking [TS]

  about and they really think it's kind of [TS]

  cool that it's a new take I guess you [TS]

  know i'm not i'm not i mean i've never [TS]

  seen one so i don't i don't know i don't [TS]

  want shit dancing around on my equipment [TS]

  ok now what about you on your on your [TS]

  own into your cell phone do you have a [TS]

  ir s 7 do you have like with the [TS]

  background moves around and stuff like [TS]

  that the background moves around behind [TS]

  you people you probably have iOS three [TS]

  on there but the arm but in the in the [TS]

  penultimate release they added this [TS]

  thing i think it was in seven yeah they [TS]

  added this thing like a parallax view so [TS]

  like if you on your lock screen in the [TS]

  motion detector it makes the stars you [TS]

  know have depth to them like you move [TS]

  things and things in the background or [TS]

  further away and things like that i turn [TS]

  it off on day 10 I turned that off [TS]

  immediately I uh it was not only making [TS]

  me seasick but it was another thing [TS]

  where I was like hey phone [TS]

  yeah what happened such a good fucking [TS]

  time yeah I know right like devote your [TS]

  energy to doing the three things i asked [TS]

  you to do need my boyfriend crashing at [TS]

  thirty-six percent haha yeah exactly [TS]

  you know like fuck off what I what I [TS]

  need to do is continue to run after the [TS]

  plane lands while I'm trying to arrange [TS]

  a ride [TS]

  yep you know I want to use you [TS]

  throughout the flight and then when I [TS]

  land I do not want you to die [TS]

  the second I try to stick to contact the [TS]

  person who's gonna pick me up [TS]

  double response is ok it sounds like you [TS]

  want a better phone i do not want your [TS]

  00 let me talk to someone to make my [TS]

  battery on phone okay later [TS]

  operator operator alright i'm passing [TS]

  you on to a thinner phone requests and [TS]

  he said it and so every time I look down [TS]

  at the phone and it's having a better [TS]

  time that I'm having makes me want to [TS]

  seriously go down to cupertino and find [TS]

  whatever person in a in a lumber sexual [TS]

  like beard contest is sitting behind [TS]

  their fucking super computers shoes and [TS]

  is like tappity tap tap tap tap tap tap [TS]

  to I've got a great idea why don't we [TS]

  make everybody have to swipe the [TS]

  opposite direction that we always train [TS]

  them to swipe here we go [TS]

  hey guys new idea let's make it thinner [TS]

  is it did we just become a five-by-five [TS]

  podcast no oh um and so that's [TS]

  complicated [TS]

  yeah yeah i yeah so mad [TS]

  yeah yeah I get mad too i it's it's it's [TS]

  expensive not even costly it's expensive [TS]

  it's expensive to stay caught up and [TS]

  it's very time-consuming to do [TS]

  everything right is the problem [TS]

  so if you're doing stuff like running [TS]

  back ups an all time in of course it's a [TS]

  you know it's a nerd article of faith to [TS]

  constantly you know max planed everybody [TS]

  about how often they need to be doing [TS]

  backups but you do but to do that takes [TS]

  a lot of time it takes money to expand [TS]

  with and I don't know I that people have [TS]

  been now they're charging you for all [TS]

  that right it's just like I had a h87 [TS]

  think of the mail the other day they [TS]

  were like would you like to for a [TS]

  nominal fee we are going to we are now [TS]

  offering a home alarm system roof and I [TS]

  was like tell me more AT&T you've been [TS]

  so reliable [TS]

  yes and so dependable for me the last 10 [TS]

  years that i've been using your service [TS]

  tell me more about your home alarm [TS]

  system [TS]

  I get more 18 teams and they were like [TS]

  oh well let you change that your [TS]

  thermostat you know it's one of these [TS]

  matter how he programs where it's like [TS]

  you set out in your set out in your [TS]

  driveway because you can't get your [TS]

  phone for Mike what a perfect going to [TS]

  store your fucking phone died and so [TS]

  you're sitting with the engine running [TS]

  trying to charge it up so you can make [TS]

  you a lot on etsy me know how your [TS]

  thermostat is again going 224 and so I'm [TS]

  like tell me more so eighties like oh [TS]

  yeah well we can you know you can you [TS]

  can look up cameras all around your [TS]

  house you can argue that really feeds [TS]

  into your paranoia and you can look at [TS]

  it all in the beginning you can trust us [TS]

  to do that [TS]

  well first sure you do you think [TS]

  anything about AT&T it's that it's [TS]

  cost-effective not reliable and worthy [TS]

  of your trust trust us with your data [TS]

  hmm and then so I'm like okay AT&T so [TS]

  far [TS]

  sounds good i'm hooked now let me read [TS]

  the fine print and every single day [TS]

  every single thing they were like 40 0 [TS]

  40 bucks introduce the hoskanners stuff [TS]

  yeah and then every single thing was [TS]

  like well it's a hundred and forty [TS]

  dollars set up charge and ten dollars a [TS]

  month and it was like so for this [TS]

  service that you're profiting when all [TS]

  is said and done it's like 500 bucks to [TS]

  get in and then it's another one of [TS]

  these credit-card charges that ship [TS]

  going to be a hundred and ninety dollars [TS]

  a month for this service and all of [TS]

  these are parts that I go to costco [TS]

  probably and and radio shack and gin up [TS]

  right and you don't have to use their [TS]

  busted-ass apps to do it i mean there's [TS]

  so many I mean there is a lot of like [TS]

  you know kinda cool hipster things like [TS]

  that we've got a camera that for that [TS]

  purpose but you know they're pretty well [TS]

  you can buy some pretty nice stuff you [TS]

  pay a little bit more you host it [TS]

  yourself you do your own thing and [TS]

  you're not relying on there like I mean [TS]

  when I go to visit with friends and [TS]

  family and actually you know I gotta say [TS]

  the comcast DVR has gotten a lot better [TS]

  but so much of the stuff you get from [TS]

  these companies that they want you to [TS]

  use all the time is so fucked up looking [TS]

  haha [TS]

  oh-ho I ok so i mean you know i i'm not [TS]

  an academic but if I were going to try [TS]

  and teach some kind of a 101 modern [TS]

  consuming course it would involve [TS]

  basically this what you need to [TS]

  understand this is not a bad thing not a [TS]

  good thing is just a reality thing is [TS]

  that every company out there wants to [TS]

  find a way what they want what they [TS]

  really want is to find a way to charge [TS]

  you something every month for something [TS]

  that cost them almost nothing to do [TS]

  ok now that's I don't mean that as a [TS]

  judgment but just whenever you see [TS]

  anything and it was like hey look at [TS]

  this you get a free samsung tablet ok [TS]

  you get the free samsung tablet because [TS]

  you're signing up for this fucking [TS]

  xfinity package that requires no effort [TS]

  on comcast part and now you're signed up [TS]

  for a year or two of that it's just that [TS]

  you know if you that you know it's [TS]

  special offers all the way down [TS]

  it's pretty much always going to end up [TS]

  with something where you get charged [TS]

  1995 a month in perpetuity didn't [TS]

  realize it and cancel it [TS]

  they're like Remora writing like an eel [TS]

  if you have the ones but then tell the [TS]

  Sharks a big stop on the shark and the [TS]

  shark swimming around he's got like 40 [TS]

  fucking heels and quick and easy he's [TS]

  got thirty five fucking years and when [TS]

  Jesus Christ saying is I'm trying to get [TS]

  through life with a minimum heels [TS]

  sucking on me that is a lot of drag and [TS]

  well it's a lot of drag and you know [TS]

  your blood is just going through its [TS]

  just cycling through the heel to right [TS]

  it's just it's another they basically [TS]

  like they basically turn themselves in [TS]

  your got a lineout recycle deal blood [TS]

  your own blood through and he'll [TS]

  basically it's just running through the [TS]

  seal but because he was taking your [TS]

  blood and your vitamins and it's [TS]

  replacing it with saliva and and i think [TS]

  i think that maybe like an American [TS]

  maritime supertrain like a mild narcotic [TS]

  in the saliva but what I do not want is [TS]

  any heels and I look around at that look [TS]

  around at all the people that are good [TS]

  that are going through the world now and [TS]

  I think how many fucking heels on you [TS]

  have 40 years on you you're not even [TS]

  thinking about it you just think it's [TS]

  the just normal life this is just the [TS]

  cost of doing business but every one of [TS]

  them is just fucking and sucking your [TS]

  vitamins and have paid for i started [TS]

  doing something now I'm not saying I've [TS]

  gotten good at this but is very [TS]

  informative is the the app that I use [TS]

  for you know my version of quick and [TS]

  let's say it automatically i go and i [TS]

  manually indicate ok this is a recurring [TS]

  web subscription or a recurring [TS]

  subscription of some kind [TS]

  every time I have the presence of mind I [TS]

  say okay from now on always flag these [TS]

  as recurring West description coo 95 a [TS]

  month no big deal [TS]

  seven dollars a month no big deal no big [TS]

  deal 2995 a month no big deal or [TS]

  whatever or for that service no 44 [TS]

  either annual things like you know my [TS]

  Apple iTunes Match service which [TS]

  actually really like for the money I [TS]

  think it's really good but it is another [TS]

  couple you know dollar signs [TS]

  so then I go and look at a report of [TS]

  everything that i bought in the last [TS]

  five years that has that little [TS]

  subscription recurring subscription [TS]

  flagon it is real sobering and all the [TS]

  sudden you don't seem like such a [TS]

  cheapskate foregoing I'm not sure I [TS]

  spend seven dollars a month on this [TS]

  mhm as you can tell you two things [TS]

  number one ones and twos number two [TS]

  actually dollars made of diamonds fuck [TS]

  yes that's true and we have strict on [TS]

  its not only every month buddy [TS]

  well and and it just it feels like it [TS]

  feels like the the ink increasingly [TS]

  you're not you're not going to be [TS]

  allowed to participate without without [TS]

  at agreeing to this to people just sort [TS]

  of sticking up a hose into your sack [TS]

  Neil to shark it's just like here you go [TS]

  here and you're not [TS]

  if you don't have if you if you're not [TS]

  basically wearing a coat of eels you're [TS]

  not gonna be recognized in it like in [TS]

  our culture right you're going to walk [TS]

  into a restaurant and maybe like waiter [TS]

  waiter and the waiter is going to be [TS]

  looking at his like will monitor trying [TS]

  to figure out where to go next because [TS]

  everybody else is going to be [TS]

  interacting with him through some kind [TS]

  of app [TS]

  and he's he's nobody's gonna hear you [TS]

  there good is going to be how to get [TS]

  ahead in advertising they're gonna be [TS]

  all talking to somebody else with half [TS]

  their brain and if you are somebody [TS]

  who's like listen I'm not going to [TS]

  upgrade my operating system i'm not [TS]

  going to attach any eels to myself [TS]

  you're not you're gonna you're going to [TS]

  increasingly become invisible in the in [TS]

  the just a service economy [TS]

  yeah and it's and it's a it's terrifying [TS]

  to me because I'm not it's not a thing [TS]

  about it's not a libertarian question [TS]

  it's a question of just like I do not [TS]

  want to be that attached right and [TS]

  certainly not where I mean for a while [TS]

  there it seemed like listen let us stick [TS]

  and he'll to you we won't charge you [TS]

  anything for a nominal fee it's a cuts [TS]

  it this is camille it's a convenient [TS]

  seal and what we're gonna do is this [TS]

  seal is going to occasionally is going [TS]

  to occasionally like take half of its [TS]

  teeth out of your list your side and [TS]

  it's going to talk to you about [TS]

  let's go talk to you about a project [TS]

  it's gonna it's gonna talk about fanta [TS]

  or whatever and then it's gonna grab on [TS]

  to you again and it and and it's like [TS]

  for the caring you know your monthly [TS]

  delivery of peanut butter not thank you [TS]

  yeah and that's gonna be the cost of it [TS]

  but now it's like no this will cost 1099 [TS]

  month and it's going to talk to you [TS]

  about about peanut butter mom's gonna [TS]

  have a deal will have ads yeah it was [TS]

  just gonna be he's gonna like he's gonna [TS]

  it's basically a two-headed deal [TS]

  one of them is sucking on you and the [TS]

  other one is already tell you what [TS]

  special offers [TS]

  yeah talking to you about your fucking [TS]

  on to fit and i don't i don't want it [TS]

  you know what I don't think any [TS]

  reasonable person would want it but it's [TS]

  but we're accepting it as though as [TS]

  though it's a fait accompli as that are [TS]

  as though it's some kind of we have to [TS]

  endure this in order to get to the other [TS]

  side which is this perfect world where [TS]

  you know where you just like oh I I'm [TS]

  thinking about [TS]

  a chili dog and chili dog arrives this [TS]

  thing that we all dream of boy VS girl [TS]

  in the world series of love I think I [TS]

  dropped that perfect but that's what you [TS]

  want to update my eel up you could you [TS]

  spend my eel there was a little time [TS]

  there's little time condensation they're [TS]

  just zipped it up after the one that [TS]

  gets me I don't know I've been thinking [TS]

  about this lately um I don't play I play [TS]

  maybe five video games on my phone my [TS]

  daughter has more i bought more of like [TS]

  you know from a TV show she likes [TS]

  removed like there's like really three [TS]

  or four video games I play ever on my [TS]

  phone and i think they are almost all [TS]

  apps that i paid for with money because [TS]

  that's it that's it that's something I [TS]

  understand [TS]

  here's what i understand i understand [TS]

  that this cost three dollars and now i [TS]

  have it here and that's something I can [TS]

  use [TS]

  but like there's so much stuff out there [TS]

  where like we just took a road trip and [TS]

  we've never really checked our mileage [TS]

  so I went and looked at all the apps you [TS]

  can get for tracking your mileage and [TS]

  and I got the first one I saw that was [TS]

  free I grabbed it and it's got an at the [TS]

  bottom and can you guess what the ad at [TS]

  the bottom is for its for another free [TS]

  app so the idea is if you get this free [TS]

  app and you can click on the Add to go [TS]

  down with this other free app and that's [TS]

  got ads in it for other free apps [TS]

  ok and this is again John i have to [TS]

  remind people occasion there's a reason [TS]

  you and I are not in the corner office [TS]

  but it's it's it's just seems it seems [TS]

  like I really feel like to get like an [TS]

  emperor has no clothes kind of situation [TS]

  you know like i know at what point is [TS]

  anybody gonna make any money on that [TS]

  except by accident [TS]

  the Emperor does have clothes and those [TS]

  clothes are are from abercrombie & fitch [TS]

  and american eagle and the emperor has [TS]

  gel in his hair and he's 26 years old [TS]

  and he went to Pepperdine I'm have that [TS]

  he doesn't have that kind of hairy I i [TS]

  would call Portland hair but it seems [TS]

  like everybody's a hog butcher in an a [TS]

  in a in a check shirt now with arm arm [TS]

  tattoos [TS]

  yeah lesbian sexual Merlin ok what is [TS]

  that hair why just why what little i [TS]

  left i left town for the first time in [TS]

  five years yesterday and everybody has [TS]

  this same hair it's not [TS]

  a pompadour but it's kind of tall not [TS]

  tall here but you look like you're not [TS]

  talking about everybody's got that same [TS]

  hair on the top that the beard on the [TS]

  bottom check shirt [TS]

  what does that call was that here called [TS]

  well so our sexual hair i consider that [TS]

  haircut to be sort of a modified [TS]

  Macklemore that you mean by Macklemore [TS]

  their kind of the Macklemore haircut is [TS]

  shaved on the sides member and then it's [TS]

  like it's like a fat mohawk long but [TS]

  it's not sticking up right it's just [TS]

  kind of pompadour it up then the shower [TS]

  i'm mark ronson had his hair cut [TS]

  yeah the sides shaved that it's [TS]

  very--it's that's right that's right [TS]

  that's exactly it's like one continuous [TS]

  hair surface when you put the product in [TS]

  yeah let them with their hands in their [TS]

  pockets looking man with tattoos yeah [TS]

  it's good but your mind it's a big kind [TS]

  of yet just ends up being a big goods [TS]

  like a hair hat but i don't know if [TS]

  you've been watching the television show [TS]

  peaky blinders which is a netflix [TS]

  original series netflix well it's only [TS]

  one monthly fee [TS]

  the only reason that I'm watching it is [TS]

  that I have a friend who is an angle [TS]

  file and anytime people are talking in [TS]

  like bad fake British accent oh she just [TS]

  can't get enough of it and so we start [TS]

  watching this peaky blinders let's get [TS]

  and I from the zombie movie and it's got [TS]

  the guy from the zombie movie and it [TS]

  using Batman to I think he was he was [TS]

  the Scarecrow right [TS]

  mm sorry go ahead was a scarecrow in [TS]

  batman movies the Scarecrow he's the guy [TS]

  remember he puts on the Scarecrow [TS]

  masking blows up those magic dust [TS]

  interfacing hallucinate remember he's [TS]

  down he's down the parking garage and [TS]

  that one [TS]

  my guess too maybe I know I saw it on an [TS]

  airplane but anyway he's Irish [TS]

  um yeah everybody in the movie is so [TS]

  they're all supposed to be from it's not [TS]

  a movie it's a TV show but they're all [TS]

  supposed to be from Birmingham but every [TS]

  single person in the in the whole series [TS]

  has a completely different accent [TS]

  because some of them are legitimately [TS]

  people from the burning from central [TS]

  North england birmingham is like black [TS]

  sabbath the move to austin birmingham [TS]

  birmingham yeah wouldn't that be also a [TS]

  Motorhead are they from Birmingham we're [TS]

  gonna find out anyway go ahead [TS]

  so anyway everybody's got four flavors [TS]

  ya then [TS]

  and then there's Sam Neill doing a [TS]

  British accent and there's some Irish [TS]

  people doing British accents and some [TS]

  people that you know just like episode [TS]

  every times it's like two people talking [TS]

  to each other they're supposed to be [TS]

  brothers and one guy his guys from New [TS]

  York share in the gas won anything in a [TS]

  completely different dialect but anyway [TS]

  the show purports to be right after [TS]

  World War one and every single male [TS]

  character is wearing a full Macklemore [TS]

  and I don't have enough historical [TS]

  haircut context to to say like in [TS]

  birmingham in 1919 what was what was it [TS]

  just was a town of macklemore's is that [TS]

  where he got the haircut from mean it [TS]

  seems a little bit on the nose from for [TS]

  now that's the thing it in every [TS]

  historical thing it's this is Africa [TS]

  told me that somebody in front of mine [TS]

  Tallahassee was like if you ever notice [TS]

  you watching no matter how good the rest [TS]

  of a production is there's two things [TS]

  that always give it away almost always [TS]

  give it away which is the makeup on the [TS]

  women right the way in a women look [TS]

  amazingly magazines like it's exactly [TS]

  1963 even though it's supposed to be [TS]

  like the Roman Empire and also the [TS]

  haircuts the the hair I mean you know [TS]

  even i don't know i mean i think people [TS]

  tried harder over the years to get [TS]

  better at that but if it used to be they [TS]

  didn't even try that kind of surprises [TS]

  me I you know I put that kind of a bit [TS]

  of kind of a haircut could kind of pass [TS]

  a little bit i think i feel like it [TS]

  passes my main problem my disease and [TS]

  willfully old-timey to be the Macklemore [TS]

  the full Macklemore is willfully old [TS]

  time to begin with right uh well it's [TS]

  kind of a dream of the nineties is alive [TS]

  in portland kind of approach when I [TS]

  Macklemore himself when I saw him a [TS]

  rocking that haircut for the first time [TS]

  i was like huh that is that seems bold i [TS]

  have not seen that particular I mean [TS]

  shaved sides big pompadour i have not [TS]

  seen that particular haircut and it's [TS]

  been especially bold on him because he's [TS]

  very blonde [TS]

  now i see it everywhere every airline [TS]

  steward who is under 35 years old has [TS]

  that haircut now if you get on an [TS]

  airplane and there is a male a house [TS]

  hostess [TS]

  yeah he will have a Macklemore haircut [TS]

  and you see them do you see them [TS]

  everywhere although on all the butcher's [TS]

  too and it's very uh it's all happened [TS]

  so fast that I feel like it was it was [TS]

  this said it was a pregnancy that was [TS]

  waiting in our culture we needed [TS]

  something we needed something so that in [TS]

  125 years from now when they do sort of [TS]

  films and and documentaries about our [TS]

  reenactments of the 2014 move that there [TS]

  will be a convenient way to delineate to [TS]

  people like oh I'm watching a scene from [TS]

  the past i like-like-like big [TS]

  muttonchops and anchorman [TS]

  yeah it is to set in people like [TS]

  visually you can tell that's all that's [TS]

  got to be about happening 2014 [TS]

  yeah and and people who are 25 now when [TS]

  they're 60 years old i'll be watching [TS]

  the show and they'll be like this is [TS]

  supposed to be set in 2010 [TS]

  there was nobody wore their hair like [TS]

  that in 2010 that I start until 2014 [TS]

  whatever it just feels like it it's just [TS]

  that it's a delineator it's a mark d [TS]

  marketer but the my and and frankly the [TS]

  conformity in male fashion right now is [TS]

  so profound and I feel like it is a [TS]

  conformity because basically everyone is [TS]

  dressing like me except for the tiny [TS]

  shape is except for the tiny shoes and [TS]

  and I when I walk around and I'm like I [TS]

  am in that I'm in the awkward position [TS]

  of like well I'm not going to change how [TS]

  I dress but I now look like every single [TS]

  fucking hipster dad in America and and [TS]

  I've never felt that way before I never [TS]

  felt like I looked like everybody else I [TS]

  felt like that in [TS]

  the early nineties like right when [TS]

  grunge was starting to tip a little bit [TS]

  and that was like this is what everybody [TS]

  I know is always warn ya right i mean [TS]

  but through the grunge era I was always [TS]

  a little bit too preppy right but now [TS]

  the thing about this lumbersexual [TS]

  bullshit is that it is there's a little [TS]

  element of prep involved right it's like [TS]

  there's never a lot of tailoring a lot [TS]

  of tailoring and stuff fits you know [TS]

  tightly doesn't tightly and I don't want [TS]

  to i do not want to walk into a cafe and [TS]

  have every guy in the room look up at me [TS]

  and me look at every guy in the room [TS]

  would be like here we all are [TS]

  yeah like that's great now able to drop [TS]

  John Roderick in like three seconds [TS]

  you shouldn't be should not be and the [TS]

  things and I do not want to go the whole [TS]

  i do not want to start having to wear a [TS]

  purple fedora you know for lazy your age [TS]

  that's a great way to express you unique [TS]

  place I resist being I resist joining [TS]

  the red hat already so so i won't but [TS]

  but the the the problem [TS]

  the main problem i had with peaky [TS]

  blinders and I think this is the problem [TS]

  i have with the entire culture is that [TS]

  it's set in 1919 they are Macklemore [TS]

  haircuts that's fine [TS]

  they're driving period-appropriate cars [TS]

  which I which i enjoy but at the at the [TS]

  key moment of every episode when they [TS]

  decide that they're going to go get into [TS]

  a gang fight with the gypsies or they're [TS]

  gonna you know take on the cops or [TS]

  whatever all of a sudden white stripes [TS]

  comes on and says here the nick cave and [TS]

  the bad seeds the themes huh [TS]

  nick cave and the bad seeds theme song [TS]

  which i didn't like but i but I i got [TS]

  like used to in the same way that like I [TS]

  got used to the theme song of the wire [TS]

  whatever like okay fine [TS]

  right like fuck you don't use the garden [TS]

  you know that the theme song to the wire [TS]

  was just like all the guy that makes [TS]

  this TV show likes this guy okay [TS]

  no Tom Waits is making some dough every [TS]

  season it's a different artist turns out [TS]

  every season it's a different artist but [TS]

  I'm boys yeah but no one [TS]

  none of the characters in the show or [TS]

  the or is it like the theme song has [TS]

  absolutely nothing to do with the world [TS]

  of the show right yeah yeah nobody and [TS]

  that shows over table TV thing because [TS]

  there's something about a certain kind [TS]

  of gritty old-timey song like like red [TS]

  right hand or like down the hole or like [TS]

  I think I think you're very influential [TS]

  one was dead wood who you know you're [TS]

  not and I was furious at deadwood for [TS]

  the music precisely for the music [TS]

  because the deadwood was like it's not [TS]

  like demoed on a bluegrass keyboard it [TS]

  did it was like it was like you you [TS]

  basically got you got some like [TS]

  contemporary folky a like sound [TS]

  designers to make some shit that you [TS]

  know because because it has a banjo and [TS]

  I'm supposed to feel like it is [TS]

  representing in it it's got its got so [TS]

  many different instruments playing for a [TS]

  couple bars and yeah it sounds like [TS]

  demoed yeah I was just like eat shit [TS]

  Deadwood but peaky blinders like worse [TS]

  because because you know you're in them [TS]

  you're in the mode you're in the mind [TS]

  i'm in 1919 i'm living in birmingham ok [TS]

  we're going on an adventure [TS]

  I love with a girl just like the [TS]

  countdown countdown are out downtown [TS]

  announce out it's like fuck off here it [TS]

  turns into it it turns into a music [TS]

  video yeah yeah and you just feel like [TS]

  that's at a certain point there's 25 [TS]

  people working on this TV show and then [TS]

  they get to the biggest to the big [TS]

  moment and I always in some guy [TS]

  Macklemore haircut come swoopin in in a [TS]

  in a in a j.crew suit and he's like step [TS]

  aside boys I've got this and he puts on [TS]

  you know he like puts on some hip rock [TS]

  and roll band and you just feel like I'm [TS]

  not watching the show anymore i'm i'm [TS]

  watching you know i'm watching [TS]

  somebody's demo [TS]

  real and then I mean I just wait for the [TS]

  music to stop when you watch this again [TS]

  is because somebody else something else [TS]

  was such as somebody else's like I wanna [TS]

  watch the show and I go well I am your [TS]

  chaperone for this [TS]

  that's mean walking dead oh I've never [TS]

  seen walking dead is a little you know [TS]

  at least I can do is watch that it [TS]

  no you're not sure yet husband it's a [TS]

  fad walking dead is about zombies right [TS]

  yeah and see how she makes a good point [TS]

  she says yes it's about zombies but [TS]

  that's not the really interesting part [TS]

  the interesting part is like how [TS]

  everybody's dealing with it [TS]

  why everybody say why does everybody say [TS]

  it's this show about zombies is not [TS]

  really about it is about zombies [TS]

  well you know there's a lot of [TS]

  world-building in the first season like [TS]

  you're creating saying like okay here's [TS]

  the rules of this universe [TS]

  here's how these things work it's like [TS]

  TV show of Minecraft that supposed sure [TS]

  yeah have you played Minecraft John haha [TS]

  no but I everyone so while i talk to a [TS]

  kid that's kinda and I say what's that [TS]

  but bullshit on your t-shirt and they [TS]

  will arise and they say its minecraft if [TS]

  you don't know what it is it's probably [TS]

  my craft and I know um yeah so anyway [TS]

  it's a good show [TS]

  it's a good show it's it's actually just [TS]

  super gruesome I've said it too many [TS]

  times on here let me ask you this [TS]

  I got absolutely yell at us right the [TS]

  the oh my god that was gonna send e-mail [TS]

  directly on your computer's gonna hit a [TS]

  couple buttons and send you messages [TS]

  right on your computer [TS]

  ah now and I think you asked you this [TS]

  before but Christy's d subscribe to hulu [TS]

  uh who will plus you get hulu plus so [TS]

  all of the so my netflix on my hulu are [TS]

  all subscribed to by another person haha [TS]

  and i i i don't now I don't hold the [TS]

  keys to the kingdom that's not my bath [TS]

  oil and everything with whatever it's [TS]

  called back every once in a while I do i [TS]

  do uh most of the time i only watch [TS]

  those channels when I am when I'm with [TS]

  someone else but very occasionally I [TS]

  will turn on netflix myself and watch [TS]

  hitler documentary [TS]

  netflix even the hairs the thing that [TS]

  lets you watch Netflix in their netflix [TS]

  ok easy enough [TS]

  the thing that I hate everything about [TS]

  hulu plus pretty much except for how [TS]

  perfectly it encapsulates the complexity [TS]

  of the media landscape right now which [TS]

  is that like it's the only place where [TS]

  if your cord cutter it's the only place [TS]

  that you can legally get recent stuff [TS]

  without having to like buy it was easy [TS]

  to see on itunes you know it you know [TS]

  how the thing is I really kills me to [TS]

  spend 2 99 on an episode of project [TS]

  runway they were going to watch once but [TS]

  we've got you know depending on what you [TS]

  got you know everybody's got in [TS]

  different places but hulu plus it's an [TS]

  interesting bananas however much it [TS]

  costs like whatever 67 bucks a month but [TS]

  still got fucking commercials it costs [TS]

  seven bucks a month i think Santa Claus [TS]

  commercials they just they just stuck [TS]

  another fucking to use to you your value [TS]

  a deal [TS]

  oh it's so annoying i'm almost sounds [TS]

  like you're not watching too much [TS]

  because you would definitely notice it [TS]

  because then it's a kind of advertising [TS]

  that I find particularly annoying which [TS]

  is advertising where you know it might [TS]

  be making some money at scale but it's [TS]

  mostly there because they hate you [TS]

  there's a certain kind of advertisement [TS]

  trying to punish you right to continue [TS]

  to first first principles Clarice let's [TS]

  go back to wear this all starts they [TS]

  want you to pay a little bit of money [TS]

  for something that's extremely easy so [TS]

  in an ideal world you by cable like a [TS]

  gentleman and then I guess you can skip [TS]

  the commercials with your TV or whatever [TS]

  in this case they're going to fuck you [TS]

  you think you can get by without [TS]

  watching commercials forget about it [TS]

  you're going to pay for this and you're [TS]

  gonna watch commercials like that Johnny [TS]

  you ready for this [TS]

  they're all for geico also women are [TS]

  they trying to shame you into wait a [TS]

  minute you're telling me off first of [TS]

  all the commercials are four guys oh [TS]

  well there's a lot of at least okay no I [TS]

  think that hulu has gotten better [TS]

  inventory but there's a lot of that [TS]

  place [TS]

  yes you can't tailor it to your [TS]

  commercial preferences [TS]

  I like you care about some other [TS]

  channels I'm not sure we had who for a [TS]

  while love it was not mine [TS]

  that was her bath well not mine we had [TS]

  enough fun things like you know what I [TS]

  just can't have this in the house [TS]

  anymore it just makes me too angry to [TS]

  pay for this and then have to watch what [TS]

  we in the business call run of network [TS]

  commercials [TS]

  they're cheap Phil ads they just did a [TS]

  dubious big backhoe pushes a bunch of [TS]

  geico as in 15 minutes fuck you [TS]

  and there's some like crackle these [TS]

  stations that go out the old TV shows [TS]

  and all Phil it's all PSA is it's all [TS]

  just like just like you know what this [TS]

  is really just here to slow you down and [TS]

  remind you that you're a cheapskate its [TS]

  punishment advertising mhm yeah well [TS]

  yeah so but but is hulu trying to get [TS]

  you to upgrade to a version of hulu that [TS]

  costs more that doesn't have ads there [TS]

  is no version of that to my knowledge my [TS]

  god so it's really and it's giant [TS]

  punishment so imagine imagine if you [TS]

  said you know netflix is pretty cool how [TS]

  do you fuck that up [TS]

  what do people not like about netflix [TS]

  they don't like paying for it well too [TS]

  bad you gotta pay for what about netflix [TS]

  so what if we had a commercial oh yeah [TS]

  let's add commercials and how about this [TS]

  you know sometimes you're watching [TS]

  something on netflix you come back the [TS]

  next time it's gone [TS]

  what if we only had shows up for a week [TS]

  or two or a week or three so you can go [TS]

  and you can watch your two and a half [TS]

  men or whatever and then it goes away [TS]

  after a certain amount of time you have [TS]

  a certain window you can watch it before [TS]

  this point you can watch it after that [TS]

  point so it is kind of the worst of many [TS]

  many worlds [TS]

  I mean the number one thing that people [TS]

  don't like about netflix is that [TS]

  everything on there sucks and you can if [TS]

  you go on and you say i would like to [TS]

  watch you tell me you don't like their [TS]

  food documentaries room I'd like to [TS]

  watch the marijuana documentaries [TS]

  yeah i would like to watch the longest [TS]

  day and netflix is like do you mean the [TS]

  longest dong netflix rosana for the [TS]

  longest day also may enjoy these things [TS]

  it's like what you're telling me you [TS]

  don't have one of the great all-time [TS]

  great little that's complicated but I [TS]

  know I know I know I've heard it all [TS]

  before but you know I a netflix to me is [TS]

  just a ton more valuable so we've got [TS]

  what we pay for we pay for netflix we [TS]

  pay for amazon prime is already paying [TS]

  for amazon prime and you know they [TS]

  really want you to feel like that's more [TS]

  than free shipping I'd been happier just [TS]

  free shipping but we also get a you know [TS]

  get the music from that we get the most [TS]

  TV shows from that and that's great [TS]

  because you can watch all those great [TS]

  HBO shows for free now on amazon prime [TS]

  did you know that Airmen that every time [TS]

  you use amazon prime a baby dies really [TS]

  is it will come a kind of baby like a [TS]

  fresh baby you're right he's made me [TS]

  realize the kind of babies John in [TS]

  America now in America now let's be [TS]

  honest yes no no [TS]

  already got the deed to keep your eyes [TS]

  only creativity you so mad I want to [TS]

  take to get you updated we should talk [TS]

  about this offline [TS]

  we should at least get you up to [TS]

  something you know from from this decade [TS]

  well let's see let me let me let me tell [TS]

  you about my computer around god no no [TS]

  save it since I was about this mac Oh [TS]

  John why are you doing this really [TS]

  reading from your passbook oh here we go [TS]

  2.16 gigahertz intel core 2 duo two [TS]

  gigabytes 666 you get two good hits the [TS]

  ramp 2 gigabytes of RAM 207 CDR yelling [TS]

  have any of ram that's not enough ram [TS]

  John your continuum is your fingers let [TS]

  us sometimes to listen two gigabytes [TS]

  do you remember have that on my iPad do [TS]

  you remember when two gigabytes would [TS]

  have filled up airplane hangar [TS]

  I remember when two gigabytes yeah but I [TS]

  mean I there was a man on the moon with [TS]

  slide rules yet literally they just shot [TS]

  a slide rule i have two whole gigabytes [TS]

  of RAM yeah well your computer might be [TS]

  a little slow sometimes you find that to [TS]

  be the case [TS]

  every time I turn on any electronic [TS]

  device i am just seething with rage mac [TS]

  pc and waiting for it to fail right [TS]

  the thing is the top my toaster i bought [TS]

  my toaster for 25 cents at a thrift [TS]

  store and it is from 1950 and it makes [TS]

  perfect toast [TS]

  yep every day every day because we just [TS]

  beat the Nazis and we were feeling proud [TS]

  of ourselves and we made some fucking [TS]

  toasters for a while the work pretty [TS]

  well their stuff some of them still [TS]

  working the ones that didn't get put [TS]

  into it into a landfill and i'm going to [TS]

  go back and get those [TS]

  soon like the sea games you're gonna go [TS]

  back and pick up the leftovers [TS]

  supertrain is that's the first thing [TS]

  that's going to power supertrain it's [TS]

  going to be first of all powered by [TS]

  vintage toasters can write that down so [TS]

  so yeah I look at this computer and I'm [TS]

  like all right to replace this thing [TS]

  what is this twenty to twenty-five [TS]

  hundred dollars there's no other way I [TS]

  could go i could go on craigslist isn't [TS]

  that going there to think about [TS]

  so right now you've got you've got like [TS]

  21 imac right mhm yeah so you know about [TS]

  the new imacs better would the new imacs [TS]

  that are that are twenty-five hundred [TS]

  dollars like how powerful they are [TS]

  I don't know anything about number oh [TS]

  you know what I don't get so what don't [TS]

  look it up don't look at me what you [TS]

  think they don't have disk drives right [TS]

  it's all on the coma clothes it's all of [TS]

  them include know what you do is you [TS]

  have a subscription to the clone it's [TS]

  got a power cord and ethernet cable in [TS]

  five years [TS]

  that's exactly right Makka I might have [TS]

  mcintosh it was right at the forefront [TS]

  of this they were like how many oh wait [TS]

  a minute the Apple mile we were why are [TS]

  we selling people things when we can [TS]

  just stick eels to that will sell them [TS]

  the right to stick use to them and then [TS]

  close to getting you something how do [TS]

  you treated this he'll come out there [TS]

  that's like they have this they have a [TS]

  remote he'll control and I would know [TS]

  what amazes me is all these people are [TS]

  living on he'll shit right [TS]

  yeah i mean they're just sucking he'll [TS]

  bottoms oh it's not that they're not [TS]

  getting my blood [TS]

  they're getting the poop he'll poop so [TS]

  mad that's the heels [TS]

  you know that's the thing it was fuckin [TS]

  Skynet the eels are the ones that are [TS]

  getting the real blood off of me and one [TS]

  of these days the heels are gonna be [TS]

  like wide why am I pooping in the mouths [TS]

  of these guys in cupertino let's reflect [TS]

  the veal I could keep i'm going to keep [TS]

  this poop to myself well you get a good [TS]

  thinking you could try to get the heels [TS]

  on your side they can be hard to flip [TS]

  them i don't and now the heels have that [TS]

  reveals have no like all the deals have [TS]

  is institutional memory and loyalty to [TS]

  one another that's why they use from [TS]

  deals don't care about me don't care [TS]

  about you no no open cabinet don't care [TS]

  about other heels i don't know i began [TS]

  that I've i began to think because [TS]

  they're all that's what that's what they [TS]

  know they're all network to each other [TS]

  remember remember the girl mrs. that's [TS]

  what they call a mesh network they just [TS]

  it's got its got near proximity [TS]

  near-field heal technologies that allow [TS]

  them just by being near each other they [TS]

  become aware there like bees or ants or [TS]

  more again the room remember the [TS]

  remember the girl in her she stopped [TS]

  being interested in her boyfriend [TS]

  because she was online talking at a at a [TS]

  thousand megaparsecs a second i never [TS]

  got that far that's what happens that's [TS]

  depressing [TS]

  yeah she gets on there and she's like [TS]

  you know she's in she's super [TS]

  interesting to this guy and then as she [TS]

  gets as she gets better [TS]

  she's like doing teraflop a conversation [TS]

  outsourcing yeah and she's like I i [TS]

  really am sort of enjoying my [TS]

  relationships with these other computers [TS]

  yeah look like every woman I've ever [TS]

  ever been with [TS]

  I know right no I think the thing is i [TS]

  understand i'm not complaining i mean i [TS]

  understand i understand like how [TS]

  incredibly tedious it is to deal with [TS]

  just me I can I would be out there [TS]

  looking for careful ops 2 I feel like I [TS]

  feel like dealing with you you know [TS]

  you've got you have to compartmentalize [TS]

  if I was if I was Merlin man's soul life [TS]

  partner [TS]

  I feel like there would be you know you [TS]

  have to just you have to be tough to [TS]

  build some small fences not tall fences [TS]

  picket fence em around some around some [TS]

  garden plots find reasons to run errands [TS]

  by plots I mean PL o TZ plotzing garden [TS]

  plots take offense plotzing up and you [TS]

  have to yet there'd be some errands to [TS]

  run there be some errands i would i [TS]

  would send you honor i would ask you to [TS]

  do because it's very hearts send you on [TS]

  personal business trips I [TS]

  I'm totally I'm totally sympathetic [TS]

  believe me I understand I have to live [TS]

  with it too [TS]

  oh you know I think I might be allergic [TS]

  to Christmas trees that is an extremely [TS]

  common allergy not to say you know [TS]

  quotidian or a gauche but it's a lot of [TS]

  people have that our John does that [TS]

  right so what ya big time are you [TS]

  hearing about this on other channels i [TS]

  had a very good friend who was like the [TS]

  thing is she loved Christmas she love [TS]

  Christmas so much but having a live tree [TS]

  and how something happens with the sap [TS]

  sap I think as it basically it's when [TS]

  you first get the tree you might be fine [TS]

  but not the case with you but supposedly [TS]

  turns out the longer the trees around as [TS]

  it starts to degrade there's something [TS]

  produced by the SAP buckets into the air [TS]

  and some people are extremely allergic [TS]

  to pine needle dander I went on WebMD as [TS]

  you do and the webmd said that it was [TS]

  mold that you weren't allergic to the [TS]

  tree you are allergic to the mold that [TS]

  was on the tree turns out [TS]

  mm what do you think well you gotta die [TS]

  i'm just guessing with your to various [TS]

  collections I don't know why you curate [TS]

  every piece on a touch each piece often [TS]

  but you know you must have some baseline [TS]

  mold in that house already seems like [TS]

  that would have gotten already there is [TS]

  a current of their there was there was a [TS]

  place where the previous owners did not [TS]

  properly caulk around the door and I got [TS]

  a little bit of mold in a little fresh [TS]

  Seattle coming in all the time [TS]

  yeah and so I went out there and i [TS]

  cocked it sealed now but i think that [TS]

  there is some there's there's some [TS]

  little creeping fellows in there but I [TS]

  don't feel like my I'm allergic to my [TS]

  house in general but there is a [TS]

  Christmas tree in it right now is a [TS]

  photo of that I sometimes feel like [TS]

  you've seen the conversation with a gene [TS]

  hackman where he's that he's the [TS]

  spoilers but he's an eavesdropping [TS]

  expertise that I guess institutions [TS]

  tearing his whole house apartment to [TS]

  find turn up the floor as me when I [TS]

  discover anything in my house whether [TS]

  it's a leak [TS]

  whether it's a draft whether it's [TS]

  whatever like once they discover one [TS]

  draft suddenly I'm like lord of the [TS]

  drafts and like I'm finding through the [TS]

  entire houses drafts and that's when I [TS]

  really realized how Ricki the whole [TS]

  places where you'll notice that you can [TS]

  go years and years and years without [TS]

  noticing something and then once you [TS]

  start noticing a little bit it's like [TS]

  all you see that is so so true [TS]

  honestly that happen to you well yeah I [TS]

  mean I go years and years and years [TS]

  without noticing things and then and [TS]

  then I noticed them and then I'm like [TS]

  I'm obsessed by them i hadn't had a very [TS]

  interesting experience the other day I [TS]

  had there was a friend over and she was [TS]

  helping me clean my project room [TS]

  what is that you're Kevin Spacey dungeon [TS]

  but really I said listen I think you're [TS]

  going to get the calculator and [TS]

  electrical side us you were when you [TS]

  look at twelve i did a little help and I [TS]

  was just like listen I just need moral [TS]

  support or something I just need to go [TS]

  into this project room it's gotten a [TS]

  little crazy and I need some help and [TS]

  she was like oh this is hilarious sure [TS]

  i'll go into your project room and help [TS]

  you like straighten it up or whatever [TS]

  because she's you know she's a gal she [TS]

  feels like all straightened up a room [TS]

  like I've got something I got a system [TS]

  or whatever my girl well don't don't [TS]

  apply your system here I just need you i [TS]

  need some moral support so she comes in [TS]

  and she's going around and she's like [TS]

  looking in boxes and she's asking [TS]

  questions about what she finds and after [TS]

  a while I'm in there and I'm full of [TS]

  anxiety because it's like I will that [TS]

  box you can't put I know it looks like [TS]

  it has paper in it but you can't put any [TS]

  other paper in that box because all of [TS]

  that paper is a kind of paper and all [TS]

  that box looks like it's sort of like [TS]

  having to explain the backstage passes [TS]

  for example [TS]

  yeah right it's like they're 75 levels [TS]

  of order to it in in a system which [TS]

  appears to you to have no order and and [TS]

  yet those levels of order would never be [TS]

  if so if I died tomorrow and somebody [TS]

  was trying to make sense of this there [TS]

  would be no way they could [TS]

  one because they they would have to [TS]

  share they would have to share too many [TS]

  like others up some positions right so [TS]

  she's sitting in there she's like what [TS]

  women here why are you say why are [TS]

  saving this and I'm like well that [TS]

  doesn't seem like that in itself has any [TS]

  value and even add a secondary level it [TS]

  has no value but it relates at a [TS]

  tertiary level to something else some [TS]

  other thing and so because of that [TS]

  reflected value it actually has a lot of [TS]

  value but you insulting what you're [TS]

  saying that even if somebody were a [TS]

  lifetime scholar of John Roderick [TS]

  they're still mean the steel beam [TS]

  certain may still be certain [TS]

  intellectual doors that are never [TS]

  unlocked so many so many of you that [TS]

  even if you get the basic system even if [TS]

  you get most of the connections there [TS]

  maybe tertiary systems in place that are [TS]

  beyond reckoning [TS]

  it's like you're thinking machine right [TS]

  systems that you could get there there [TS]

  will be something tucked in a book over [TS]

  on this shelf and that thing has an [TS]

  electrical connection to something that [TS]

  is in a box on the market in a box that [TS]

  is otherwise full of guitar picks or [TS]

  whatever and the others have a fun way [TS]

  for a young girl to spend your afternoon [TS]

  there's no connective tissue between the [TS]

  two things but they are vibrating at a [TS]

  higher frequency between one another and [TS]

  i am aware that I i know that i know [TS]

  that the 1924 silver certificate is [TS]

  tucked in the copy of of the red and the [TS]

  black / / in the bookshelf and that that [TS]

  somehow relates to the same freeze [TS]

  sticker that I pulled off of the phone [TS]

  pole in 1989 that same freeze uh you [TS]

  know the the giant puppeteers that that [TS]

  were against nuclear war dave free San [TS]

  same freeze stand tall red black [TS]

  Stendahl there you go that's beautiful [TS]

  see this is the kind of thing that [TS]

  that's the that's the kind of false hope [TS]

  that makes John rhetoric scholar go down [TS]

  the wrong path [TS]

  yeah that's right the archivist is like [TS]

  I think I've finally made the [TS]

  connections like know [TS]

  but anyways um Sam watched a couple [TS]

  weeks up and it's at a certain point if [TS]

  that's right he's like I study I can't [TS]

  leave now [TS]

  I think you've had enough Sam I finally [TS]

  I finally i'm starting to see it i'm [TS]

  starting to see the the gold wires [TS]

  anyone she's sitting on the couch and a [TS]

  certain point she looks up with a with a [TS]

  new look on her face and she it's a it's [TS]

  a it's a look of sympathy and she goes [TS]

  oh I always thought that this was for me [TS]

  at that you were such a that you had all [TS]

  this all these systems or whatever but [TS]

  you had to be there for the moment of [TS]

  realization but now I'm seeing how was [TS]

  it [TS]

  what a terrible burden this is on you [TS]

  and I was like what stopped talking and [TS]

  she said you have like this you have the [TS]

  organizational sense of someone who what [TS]

  who has a place for everything and [TS]

  everything in its place but every other [TS]

  person like that in the world finds [TS]

  freedom in throwing things away that [TS]

  don't fit in the little portion holes [TS]

  and then on the other and then the other [TS]

  half of you is this person that that is [TS]

  basically stacking used soup cans in the [TS]

  hall and the two things are a potent [TS]

  hall and the two things are a potent [TS]

  to one another but you can't you [TS]

  honestly cannot throw away a single [TS]

  ticket stub or store or cigar foil or [TS]

  whatever because they all have meaning [TS]

  but they also all need to be in a [TS]

  special place and there aren't that many [TS]

  special places in the world [TS]

  oh and i was like stop talking [TS]

  we should go but it was it was it was [TS]

  interesting because for the first time [TS]

  this thing that I play for comedy and [TS]

  that everybody thinks of is is being [TS]

  like a funny quirky thing this one this [TS]

  one person had the insight to say like [TS]

  oh dear oh I've seen to have seen too [TS]

  much or whatever her or or maybe not too [TS]

  much like you know she she she [TS]

  recognized that that this was a that [TS]

  this was a constant cycle of of like my [TS]

  like warms burrowing in my mind I can [TS]

  give you one slightly reframe not [TS]

  necessarily make you feel better but to [TS]

  like say where I think I'm simpatico is [TS]

  this is hitbox 0 thing you're about to [TS]

  say guests over they have this nullified [TS]

  here's the problem i think is admin the [TS]

  phrase in my family's call people like [TS]

  that string savers all the strings [TS]

  strings favors that is cute and quaint [TS]

  human point because you've been through [TS]

  the depression and you know that [TS]

  eventually you'll probably need a little [TS]

  bit extra string why would you throw [TS]

  that away [TS]

  that's right if you ever gone to an old [TS]

  person's home you know that this is the [TS]

  thing here's here's my only reframe on [TS]

  that and this is why I think why I'm [TS]

  sympathetic to what you're describing [TS]

  and why I think it's complicated [TS]

  it'd be one thing to say yes she's [TS]

  absolutely correct it's one thing to say [TS]

  like okay here's this ticket stub i know [TS]

  this is important because X it's [TS]

  important because maybe on this one [TS]

  level I had a good time that night maybe [TS]

  on another level [TS]

  it's that I have a collection of these [TS]

  and that's a fun thing that I do I think [TS]

  those kinds of things can become [TS]

  overwhelming but those are the real [TS]

  problem [TS]

  the real problem is the stuff you save [TS]

  when you're not really sure why you're [TS]

  saving it but because it might be [TS]

  important someday like somebody might [TS]

  want this [TS]

  this might become valuable and here's [TS]

  the thing if you've got a lot of stuff [TS]

  like that of unknown future proven [TS]

  once you don't even know how to classify [TS]

  it except to say your stuff that might [TS]

  be important someday that isn't [TS]

  classified but I i think that's the [TS]

  struggle is like especially with all [TS]

  this kid stuff we've got like our kids [TS]

  never gonna want all this junk of hers [TS]

  that we saved [TS]

  I don't find myself craving that stuff [TS]

  from my own shot but she's never gonna [TS]

  want that I save that for me is that I [TS]

  don't know what box that goes in yet [TS]

  that's a story that's not being told yet [TS]

  thanked God but i think that's the [TS]

  complicated part is when you get a lot [TS]

  of stuff [TS]

  yes certainly you can find yourself [TS]

  cleft to a lot of stuff you never meant [TS]

  to keep but i think a lot of stuff to [TS]

  keep it because you're not really quite [TS]

  sure why but it seems like it might be [TS]

  important [TS]

  well so for instance i found me for a [TS]

  while there a it was kind of its kind of [TS]

  thing [TS]

  maybe the type of thing that you would [TS]

  find in skymall catalog from 1985 where [TS]

  the first the first thing i found was [TS]

  like coke cans that were actually little [TS]

  safe [TS]

  oh yeah I rent and get the shaving cream [TS]

  look like you look like you can a dr [TS]

  pepper but you take the top off and it's [TS]

  like oh it's this little secret place [TS]

  you can put your jewels and I was like a [TS]

  lot that that that comports with my uh [TS]

  thinking almost exactly i would like to [TS]

  i would like to open the refrigerator [TS]

  and every single item in the [TS]

  refrigerator is actually a disguised [TS]

  safe but they don't have to be from the [TS]

  same era well well sure [TS]

  ok that's right you can have a can of [TS]

  1985 cooking their people think that [TS]

  you're not [TS]

  yeah well they already think I'm not and [TS]

  it was it might not be unreasonable that [TS]

  I would have a can of activity 5 coke in [TS]

  my refrigerator that was legitimate coke [TS]

  right but then there's another one [TS]

  that's that's a safe and then it was [TS]

  like oh and they also make then this is [TS]

  the thing that you that anybody could [TS]

  make which is basically an electrical [TS]

  outlet but instead of being an actual [TS]

  electrical outlet it's a safe gap and so [TS]

  I started to collect these things [TS]

  partly because I thought it was a [TS]

  humorous like moments in in American [TS]

  like psychological territory ago this [TS]

  was a top there was a time when people [TS]

  were worried like the only thing the [TS]

  only value that it's a safe like that [TS]

  would have is if your daughter is a [TS]

  junkie right like if the if you really [TS]

  if if what you're trying to protect from [TS]

  burglars would fit into an electrical [TS]

  outlet you don't have that much to lose [TS]

  your right cuz you're describing a time [TS]

  before stuff like USB drives unless you [TS]

  have like a can of uncut diamonds and [TS]

  some German bearer bonds [TS]

  yeah it's mostly going to be capable of [TS]

  putting even even German bearer bonds [TS]

  wouldn't fit in there the only mean it's [TS]

  basically like you can put your [TS]

  engagement ring up here about your [TS]

  rights to be too tall too tall [TS]

  you can put an engagement ring and like [TS]

  five hundred dollars in [TS]

  one-hundred-dollar bills and a [TS]

  Krugerrand maybe but it's before yeah i [TS]

  mean these things are actually perfect [TS]

  for hiding USB drives that are full of [TS]

  all of the all of our government secrets [TS]

  but that's not that's not what they were [TS]

  made they were made in this earlier time [TS]

  so i started to collect these when I [TS]

  found them these like weird security [TS]

  like cheapo security things and the only [TS]

  use that they would have is yeah if you [TS]

  had some teenage teenager who was [TS]

  scavenging around looking for something [TS]

  to steal out of your room but not a [TS]

  burglar like a burglar is purple is [TS]

  going to take your TV that's whatever [TS]

  critics um so now I have a collection of [TS]

  these things but i haven't installed [TS]

  them because partly the appeal is that [TS]

  they're in their packaging [TS]

  oh and so you read the box and it's like [TS]

  amazing security outlet box but it's not [TS]

  quite beautiful enough or weird enough [TS]

  to like build a display case and so [TS]

  that's so weird is it look like you were [TS]

  like you're curating garbage [TS]

  it looked like a can of rightguard that [TS]

  a no can I right guard but i really only [TS]

  looking out doesn't it [TS]

  and there's [TS]

  here's that picture you okay i got a [TS]

  neck pillow in there and I got a bent [TS]

  fork it so yeah so I don't want to cut [TS]

  its not beautiful [TS]

  it's not something to display its [TS]

  something that belongs in a not even a [TS]

  spy museum but like in a you know like [TS]

  to get a vacation home never paid me try [TS]

  another thing you do to go like oh we [TS]

  keep a couple hundred bucks around the [TS]

  house right [TS]

  yeah exactly it's like it belongs it's [TS]

  where you keep the spare key to your [TS]

  vacation home that's exactly what are [TS]

  you put that code can you mix it in the [TS]

  second refrigerator in the garage or [TS]

  something like that some of these some [TS]

  of those exact some of the things in my [TS]

  collection are those fake rocks and the [TS]

  hide-a-key it don't look like rocking [TS]

  like rocking small and and so I've got a [TS]

  little collection of these I'm i can't [TS]

  display them and so they live in this [TS]

  world where half of the time I put them [TS]

  in some sort of like alright these are [TS]

  practical items that i have yet to [TS]

  install right they go over into the load [TS]

  still like in a practical area in like [TS]

  an honor to do list kind of area [TS]

  well it's gonna get a chance on again [TS]

  that's right afternoon i'm going to [TS]

  install this outlet that doesn't work [TS]

  it's it and so it but it's one of these [TS]

  like are these things particles or waves [TS]

  like depending on how i look at them [TS]

  sometimes there are particles sometimes [TS]

  our way to keep them in this box no I [TS]

  can't [TS]

  so then sometimes I move them out of the [TS]

  practical like the the Q out of aging [TS]

  area right and I put them back into a [TS]

  thing like well these are these are [TS]

  actually in these are collectibles [TS]

  Eirias these are curios these are [TS]

  something and so basically what they are [TS]

  is that I'm gonna die and somebody is [TS]

  going to come try to make sense of my [TS]

  estate and there they like what is wrong [TS]

  with this guy and every once in a while [TS]

  ago about the things he has nothing of [TS]

  value and hundreds of with the height of [TS]

  that he never used [TS]

  yeah I'll go put little things in them [TS]

  just like just to as a mental [TS]

  placeholder like I'm putting a tie tack [TS]

  interesting as a kind of like stick it [TS]

  note to remind myself that this is not [TS]

  crazy [TS]

  this is actually a practical thing up i [TS]

  could put a hundred dollars in here [TS]

  it's like yes you could put a hundred [TS]

  dollars in there but that is not how we [TS]

  do things now we are not you're not [TS]

  trying to protect this hundred dollars [TS]

  that you have this for a different [TS]

  reason [TS]

  and there are so many things in my world [TS]

  need neither fish nor fowl as they say [TS]

  that's right that fit into this that fit [TS]

  into this category of like depending on [TS]

  how I measure it it is a different that [TS]

  the fundamental nature of the things [TS]

  different and it never settles into one [TS]

  category or another and so it's so [TS]

  basically it goes in the project room [TS]

  and it's in a box and it's floating [TS]

  around and in also in that box is like I [TS]

  mean I've told you that I have a [TS]

  collection of wallets none of them I [TS]

  never gonna use again but i cannot empty [TS]

  them of their contents because the old [TS]

  expired credit cards and ymca membership [TS]

  cards and blockbuster video cards that [TS]

  are in the wallets are our of a time [TS]

  right [TS]

  you'll be late breaking up the [TS]

  collection but the problem is the [TS]

  problem is no one is ever going to find [TS]

  these wallets and and like a no-no [TS]

  archaeologists is ever going to find [TS]

  this wallet collection and be amazed by [TS]

  the 1997 blockbuster video cards that [TS]

  are in it the only archaeologists that [TS]

  is interested in it or cares about it is [TS]

  me and and the the thrust-to-weight [TS]

  ratio of enjoyment vs anxiety is this is [TS]

  this constant dance i'm in like I take [TS]

  it out I look at it I go haha look at [TS]

  blockbuster video card from 1997 and [TS]

  then I go what is wrong with you and the [TS]

  engaged the the entertainment that I'm [TS]

  getting versus the like the suffering I [TS]

  do not have whatever the gauges in a [TS]

  person's mind that can calibrate like [TS]

  okay this is causing me more suffer i [TS]

  get more suffering than it is pleasure [TS]

  like looking at the fingering this 1997 [TS]

  blockbuster video card and feeling like [TS]

  wow this is a thing from the past [TS]

  test vs surveying the entire room and [TS]

  feeling like I'm a crazy person and I am [TS]

  surrounded by things that are emblematic [TS]

  of craziness and if I if they were all [TS]

  bond like what I ever would I ever lay [TS]

  awake in bed at night and think how will [TS]

  I ever finger a blockbuster video card [TS]

  again like I wouldn't i would never [TS]

  think about it again right after that my [TS]

  friend was helping me clean the room she [TS]

  was like why do you have all these [TS]

  copies old copies of Vice magazine and I [TS]

  was like well in the really early days [TS]

  of Vice very early days it was pretty [TS]

  interesting kind of transgressive pretty [TS]

  funny she was like seriously seriously [TS]

  yeah it's just like a stack of time [TS]

  magazine's it really but you're not [TS]

  anything to her that's probably will [TS]

  during because you're not keeping them [TS]

  because you could sell them in the [TS]

  future she is that was going through her [TS]

  mind is like that it would be like high [TS]

  resale value or that there were you know [TS]

  or even that there were recipes in them [TS]

  right i mean if you keep things that [TS]

  have recipes in them people understand [TS]

  but if you keep things that are like [TS]

  here's how to build a bookshelf [TS]

  oh I don't want to throw that away [TS]

  because that one day I might want to [TS]

  build a bookshelf but the only reason [TS]

  you would keep old vice magazines is if [TS]

  you thought that the you know like hyper [TS]

  snarky pop culture of 2004 was something [TS]

  to cling to and I do not believe that [TS]

  but I do have a stack of old vice [TS]

  magazine that I that as she started to [TS]

  move toward the garbage can I was like [TS]

  whoa what whoa what if i wanted to take [TS]

  some of those pictures out and put them [TS]

  in picture frames [TS]

  she was like I don't even know the words [TS]

  you're using what are you talking about [TS]

  i don't know there's good pictures in [TS]

  there i can put them in picture frames [TS]

  if their picture frames they would have [TS]

  value because they would have been [TS]

  because they would the putting them in [TS]

  the frame [TS]

  would be a thing that imparted value to [TS]

  them right and I haven't done that yet [TS]

  so they have potential energy they have [TS]

  potential value i just have not [TS]

  converted into kinetic value [TS]

  yeah well it's also it's that you've you [TS]

  mean you've done the basic step of [TS]

  having a collection this is what [TS]

  separates you from being like a [TS]

  garden-variety hoarder is that you put [TS]

  things in groups that's that's the [TS]

  primary thing it's not a group it's not [TS]

  a collection mi think that's really true [TS]

  we are in this hotel we're staying at [TS]

  the other night you know my daughter and [TS]

  I always like to go out and explore you [TS]

  know walk up and down the halls and [TS]

  everything we walked by and there was a [TS]

  reading room it was a meeting of [TS]

  scrapbookers what you're going to say [TS]

  furries and I was interested we looked [TS]

  in there and and even if even this is no [TS]

  disrespect but even in the room full of [TS]

  people doing scrapbook [TS]

  it looks like something from order [TS]

  because they're real spread out and got [TS]

  samples of different kinds of cool paper [TS]

  to use to for your scrapbooking and [TS]

  stuff like that so like you know if you [TS]

  can make the step from like you know I [TS]

  nothing it seems to be missing from your [TS]

  system is the first step in the last [TS]

  step all the middle steps are in great [TS]

  shape right that there's something about [TS]

  these steps the first time to let the [TS]

  last step is and we all agreed it was [TS]

  the best museum ever and the first step [TS]

  is why would i want to put everything [TS]

  else in between is flawless [TS]

  no you haven't you you we think we can [TS]

  agree i don't know if it's a technical [TS]

  problem a time issue you have not [TS]

  documented a lot of stuff as well as [TS]

  you'd like when you turn it on ebay as a [TS]

  collection but you know if you if you [TS]

  have the presence of mind to put all [TS]

  those certain kind of backstage passes [TS]

  into this one cigar box I think you're [TS]

  much further along and somebody who has [TS]

  piles they move into bigger and bigger [TS]

  boxes [TS]

  well [TS]

  thank you that makes me feel a lot [TS]

  better looking at page on the five [TS]

  levels of hoarding so tell me about it [TS]

  wasn't what what level of my 10 level [TS]

  one and all doors and staircases are [TS]

  accessible know with the pets are always [TS]

  important [TS]

  normal household pet activity with light [TS]

  light evidence of rodents or pests [TS]

  what no one two three pet accidents [TS]

  event evident clutter is not excessive [TS]

  home has normal healthy housekeeping and [TS]

  safe and healthy sanitation know what [TS]

  you're told you no charge each you're [TS]

  telling me that level one of hoarding [TS]

  allows for two or three pet accidents [TS]

  visible to on to someone visiting you [TS]

  know for more let's oh no no no no I [TS]

  can't even read this is so sad it's not [TS]

  funny it's not know I don't have a shit [TS]

  i don't have pets level four [TS]

  oh my god it's bad it's bad it's okay [TS]

  that I'm gonna real damage older than [TS]

  six months mold and mildew inappropriate [TS]

  use of appliances damage the two or more [TS]

  sections of Ward faulty well this is so [TS]

  sad [TS]

  it's not funny it's not follow not it's [TS]

  just you know I've had to deal with it [TS]

  I find dy is like and k is like cats [TS]

  eating your face give you one bullet [TS]

  here on level 5 [TS]

  ok [TS]

  rodents insight mosquito or other insect [TS]

  infestation and regional creators such [TS]

  as squirrels inside the house [TS]

  Oh kitchen and bathroom unusable due to [TS]

  clutter occupants living and sleeping [TS]

  outside so I think you're safe because [TS]

  you you have that that's so sad i wanna [TS]

  i want to just throw this whole episode [TS]

  way that makes me so that i don't i [TS]

  think you don't qualify on any of those [TS]

  levels i bet you have odors but they're [TS]

  not going you know the others i just [TS]

  have the odor of freshly made chili but [TS]

  the thing is I I'm sensible I do not [TS]

  collect anything perishable i do clean [TS]

  out the kitchen [TS]

  I'm not a I'm not I'm not someone who is [TS]

  like I can't throw away the sarcophagus [TS]

  condo [TS]

  okay here's the thing in tonight and [TS]

  that that's not what i feel kind of bad [TS]

  that we even did that but but because i [TS]

  don't mean to make fun of my [TS]

  understanding of hoarding is that when [TS]

  it gets to it becomes a problem when you [TS]

  can't function normally visa vie you [TS]

  can't close and open doors [TS]

  you can't walk through rooms like that's [TS]

  that's the point i think what a lot of [TS]

  people go like okay this is getting out [TS]

  of control and of course you get more [TS]

  and more ashamed about it you know what [TS]

  people don't want people to know about [TS]

  it but i think that that's when it gets [TS]

  bad is like it starts with the path and [TS]

  then pretty soon there's not a path and [TS]

  that's I think when it becomes more than [TS]

  just being cluttered but the but the [TS]

  normal functioning this is that this is [TS]

  the questioner this is the thing that I [TS]

  that I struggle with because normal [TS]

  functioning it I there are psychological [TS]

  hallways in my mental house that I [TS]

  cannot walk down because of the [TS]

  newspaper that stacked in there right so [TS]

  you've got you've gotta have you you've [TS]

  got a visible hoarding problem where [TS]

  there are like rodents and wallboard [TS]

  damage but you can have that in your [TS]

  mind house and there I don't god that's [TS]

  so good i don't think there are rodents [TS]

  in my mind house but there are [TS]

  definitely newspapers tied with twine [TS]

  and when you say like we need to get rid [TS]

  of some of these newspapers are a fire [TS]

  hazard I go we'll we'll all those [TS]

  newspapers that that's going to be [TS]

  important but you can put your hand to [TS]

  stuff right this is what makes you so [TS]

  interesting is like it isn't as though [TS]

  you've gotta also the other thing i [TS]

  think about when it's problematic is [TS]

  like you can't find stuff you know you [TS]

  feel like it might be here somewhere [TS]

  this is no I don't like I know exactly [TS]

  where everything is [TS]

  Wow and that is that is part of what [TS]

  feels like a like it's a it's a it's a [TS]

  mind problem [TS]

  somebody said to me the other day what [TS]

  was it was a I they needed some key card [TS]

  or some some thing some some little [TS]

  piece of paper and I was like well [TS]

  it's been nine months since that paper [TS]

  arrived but I could mentally track it [TS]

  like a like a UPS all I was like it had [TS]

  a substantial tracking number [TS]

  yeah and I was like that that was [TS]

  originally on the piano then I went to [TS]

  the kitchen table and it got put into a [TS]

  box and taken upstairs into the project [TS]

  room but then at a certain point that [TS]

  box consolidated into another box and i [TS]

  bet you it's right around the it's it's [TS]

  it's in it's it's in the precambrian [TS]

  layer between you know like that whole [TS]

  series of menus I decided I was [TS]

  collecting from from restaurants that [TS]

  used French and appropriately haha and [TS]

  but it's going to be it's going to [TS]

  definitely be below all of the triple-a [TS]

  batteries that I decided were still had [TS]

  enough you know the half charge triple a [TS]

  batteries and I decided still had enough [TS]

  charge that i was going to keep them [TS]

  together in case a technology was [TS]

  developed you could put half discharge [TS]

  batteries into and collect that energy [TS]

  that's just that's just being green and [TS]

  so I went upstairs and they were like [TS]

  wait a minute why are you going upstairs [TS]

  and i was like i'm pretty sure I know [TS]

  where it is and they're like it never [TS]

  went upstairs this piece of paper was [TS]

  here on the piano is like no it's been [TS]

  26 other locations what I want stairs [TS]

  and I went into a box and put my hand on [TS]

  the paper i reached in to the middle of [TS]

  a stack of things in the box and pulled [TS]

  out the thing your magic [TS]

  well but it but but like I could be i [TS]

  could be splitting the fucking Adam if i [TS]

  didn't have but you know we only use [TS]

  turns out we only use two percent of our [TS]

  brain always that right up to 10 now [TS]

  it's to the other the other ninety eight [TS]

  percent is just it's just a it's just [TS]

  cycling it's like the drive so it's a [TS]

  like it on a dry cycle [TS]

  anyway I don't want to be able to do [TS]

  that I don't want to I don't want to [TS]

  have that amount of organization in my [TS]

  head because I do because I do feel like [TS]

  I you know I'm like I'm like a I'm like [TS]

  one of those guys that used to go from [TS]

  village to village and sharpen your [TS]

  cooking pots like tinker attention to [TS]

  pick your new edge on that friday i got [TS]

  a donkey with a straw hat with his ears [TS]

  sticking out of it and I gotta and I [TS]

  have a cart full of pot covered with [TS]

  pots i think they can begin in the world [TS]

  is you would be called a pan sharp I'm a [TS]

  parent sharp i go from town to town and [TS]

  it's just like Clank Clank Clank Clank [TS]

  white people who don't know better going [TS]

  to sharpen the handle you don't want to [TS]

  do that you don't want to show our panel [TS]

  on a pot no oh I got so many fucking [TS]

  pots that guy doesn't know pan sharp [TS]

  damn about it but back laughs I'm [TS]

  allergic to Christmas trees too [TS]

  yeah maybe she could have enough people [TS]

  over to help you you know that's another [TS]

  thing [TS]

  well but that's that that's got to be [TS]

  one of the steps people stopped coming [TS]

  over all that's a huge step that's a [TS]

  huge step yeah yeah people start feeling [TS]

  sympathy for you when they used to make [TS]

  it was funny [TS]

  that's not a good thing that you know [TS]

  when you get to be a middle-aged man and [TS]

  people start to go from thinking you're [TS]

  funny too thinking you're sympathetic [TS]

  that's a bad sign it starts and stuffing [TS]

  all I think you're super I know I'm [TS]

  starting to look like Wilford Brimley [TS]

  anyway that it fits haha yeah you don't [TS]

  give yourself enough credit you should [TS]

  i'm gonna say it again i don't want to [TS]

  come out me to repeat a bit but I think [TS]

  you should get somebody hit there [TS]

  well I guess it depends which department [TS]

  at UW call but maybe somebody is an [TS]

  anthropologist might be interested in [TS]

  helping you out because they look at it [TS]

  that way they're not gonna go why do you [TS]

  keep the Vice magazine they're going to [TS]

  say how are you going to curate this how [TS]

  what's the story that were telling here [TS]

  if you got like five percent of your [TS]

  collection [TS]

  curated mm I'm just saying baby steps [TS]

  the thing is everytime i also the [TS]

  newspaper and there's an ad from the [TS]

  University of Washington that it's [TS]

  always there like looking for study [TS]

  participants who always VD venereal [TS]

  disease [TS]

  yeah they're like dr you do you suffer [TS]

  from herpes and and want to make ten [TS]

  dollars a month I can you know I'm [TS]

  getting sold i can't even follow the [TS]

  rules for who's eligible before they [TS]

  mention what it is that they're doing [TS]

  yeah if you're between the ages of 18 35 [TS]

  have been exposed to herpes on more than [TS]

  one occasion but have a car loan it's [TS]

  less than six months old and you think [TS]

  you might be able to previously used in [TS]

  regularly appeared in the event you [TS]

  might get money from mesothelioma yeah I [TS]

  don't want any of that I don't want you [TS]

  I don't want to be part of those studies [TS]

  magnetic forms to me that can be formed [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  jack is the final word [TS]

  [Music] [TS]