Roderick on the Line

BONUS: "Roderick on the Line" Live at Verdi Club, SF


  this very special bonus episode of [TS]

  Roderick online is sponsored by cards [TS]

  against humanity they asked us not to [TS]

  read an ad so hey just enjoy the show [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  ladies and gentlemen welcome to verdi [TS]

  club how we all doing tonight [TS]

  SF sketchfest proudly presents Roderick [TS]

  on the line [TS]

  you're listening to a live performance [TS]

  of Roger online that was recorded on [TS]

  january 23rd 2015 at very club in San [TS]

  Francisco as part of the SF sketchfest [TS]

  comedy festival thanks to kill Stratton [TS]

  for inviting us to very club for hosting [TS]

  us and a very club stage manager robert [TS]

  west for recording and introducing us [TS]

  somebody put some index cards on our [TS]

  stage some notes next is going on [TS]

  it's going great i'm in san francisco [TS]

  which is amazing I've sort of perfected [TS]

  this career path of going places where I [TS]

  don't really get paid very much to [TS]

  entertain people with my lifeblood [TS]

  basically spilling it out on the stage [TS]

  night after night exposure and I was [TS]

  thinking about it being good exposure [TS]

  the other day and then I realized i'm [TS]

  i'm dying and you owe me if you're near [TS]

  dying exposures what you want to avoid [TS]

  right that's like what you're out too [TS]

  long in the cold right you're fucking [TS]

  dead that's exposure right right right [TS]

  yeah avoid that I was just a inside [TS]

  under a blanket like a gentleman i was [TS]

  sitting in mice the shower of my hotel [TS]

  room today one of those hotel rooms that [TS]

  doesn't have a bathtub [TS]

  ah so basically you know that it's a [TS]

  hotel room made out of shipping [TS]

  containers [TS]

  it's this new fashion right no no [TS]

  bathtubs what bathtubs are for old [TS]

  people are for people with the psoriasis [TS]

  sometimes SMS their doors or windows [TS]

  were like yeah what was the one ace yes [TS]

  you got an ace and it's more like a [TS]

  scrim yeah the the agency had this drop [TS]

  a really serious deuce inside the ACE [TS]

  you would smell it two rooms and need [TS]

  direction all of those hotels presume [TS]

  that you are there with your you you [TS]

  were there on the like 3rd weekend of [TS]

  your new relationship and you want to [TS]

  watch the other person shower and shit [TS]

  right yeah I love her so much and what [TS]

  they call it the tray just one yeah [TS]

  that's right there and we're going [TS]

  downtown buddy i just want to see her [TS]

  just like shave under her arms and yeah [TS]

  just like with no self conscious the [TS]

  shine [TS]

  wow yeah so I'm sitting in the shower [TS]

  and of course I'm doing what I do when [TS]

  I'm in the shower which is imagining [TS]

  what if our alien overlords finally did [TS]

  come appoint me as the human spokesman [TS]

  and what I would ask in return and I [TS]

  think what I would first ask is that [TS]

  they go over meat head to toe with some [TS]

  kind of scanner that takes away all the [TS]

  cancer and the proto cancer and proto [TS]

  cancer and and and whatever else all the [TS]

  protozoan that have come in to my meet [TS]

  all the thetans all the feelings that [TS]

  are in me and then you know some minor [TS]

  mahdi minor body modification that would [TS]

  be simple for them to do right I've [TS]

  always felt like I you know all my [TS]

  height is in my face from the waist up [TS]

  and I've always felt like [TS]

  proportionately i have a my legs are [TS]

  disproportionate to my torso and so [TS]

  right just a little it's just it's one [TS]

  of these even a little bit hard on [TS]

  yourself it's one of these things that [TS]

  are you alive that bad [TS]

  no it's not it's not it's not gruesome [TS]

  it's like if and until you pointed out [TS]

  your like Dorf I mean like it's like if [TS]

  you pointed out now if you look at me [TS]

  thinking John because I'm pretty fucking [TS]

  shortly well this is and this is that [TS]

  what it does it gives me a low center of [TS]

  gravity it makes me very difficult to [TS]

  tackle have short everything have a [TS]

  short torso i have short legs short [TS]

  everything you have a long penis though [TS]

  yes [TS]

  but it's mainly the circumference right [TS]

  right yeah I've seen it right so I think [TS]

  we've been friends for a long time [TS]

  yeah John i spent a lot of time in our [TS]

  underwear continuously got pair [TS]

  programming Merlin introduced the [TS]

  concept to me as let me show you what is [TS]

  on netflix yeah and i will let the [TS]

  marathon of free-balling what's netflix [TS]

  Merlin let's make them some butter so so [TS]

  anyway I would have the aliens just you [TS]

  know extend my leg by a couple of [TS]

  centimeters just put me in proportion [TS]

  that's nothing for them that's a [TS]

  rounding error it's just a work and if [TS]

  I'm gonna be standing up in front of all [TS]

  humanities saying on behalf of our alien [TS]

  overlords here's the plan [TS]

  quid pro quo I want to look right bring [TS]

  it yeah and then what you know some [TS]

  other minor modification what I want [TS]

  that front tooth back [TS]

  yeah and how hard is that gonna be for [TS]

  them right you correct your vision [TS]

  because you like glasses [TS]

  that's a really good question yeah you [TS]

  could still have glasses i get asked [TS]

  this a lot why don't you get surgery [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  I mean we had surgery to fix every [TS]

  little problem why don't you get eye [TS]

  surgery we gotta grow old with and I [TS]

  don't you get that surgery where they [TS]

  had two centimeters to your leg but I've [TS]

  read about this i had a friend had a [TS]

  friend elementary school they did that [TS]

  to her oh she was nearly elfin she was [TS]

  tiny not in the Middle Earth way she was [TS]

  a little girl [TS]

  mmm that's so and she was not really [TS]

  super normative she was not growing in [TS]

  the way they had anticipated she was off [TS]

  the graph and there's apparently some [TS]

  kind of horrific medieval 1970 surgery [TS]

  where they could stretch your bone yeah [TS]

  right they would like that rivers colon [TS]

  surgery right they give you an [TS]

  exoskeleton and then every day they [TS]

  would they would turn the knob right and [TS]

  it was just like neca reparation yeah [TS]

  yeah and then you get a little bit [TS]

  taller but not a lot i don't think they [TS]

  can add like six inches to you but you [TS]

  you're already pretty tall [TS]

  it seems to me that just maybe standoffs [TS]

  images not big no-no nothing that would [TS]

  take away the essential John this but [TS]

  how do you have that missing tooth along [TS]

  with that [TS]

  well i still have it it's just that I [TS]

  have some [TS]

  I just have some kind of like the [TS]

  opposite of someone on hija [TS]

  I like you have a cosmetic i want i went [TS]

  into ikea and bought one of those [TS]

  Chinese screens and cut it down and then [TS]

  like a little bit think bone stuck it in [TS]

  know this tooth that's in the center [TS]

  here is just is just held in with epoxy [TS]

  no seriously it wasn't so much its epoxy [TS]

  between the duties so many foods how is [TS]

  it in there i have drained myself to not [TS]

  eat with that too [TS]

  you're like my daughter with the missing [TS]

  teeth to go around you like I going and [TS]

  yeah I don't ya I'm not strategy i'm a [TS]

  night [TS]

  yeah i think it's an easy sell I think [TS]

  aliens come in they want an insider and [TS]

  they are going to just roll out the red [TS]

  carpet whatever it is but I said this [TS]

  before but i think it's going to be a [TS]

  little bit of like you know throwing the [TS]

  head of three the whip type situation [TS]

  you're gonna have to get some of the [TS]

  locals involves some of the natives [TS]

  little bit little fixes little bit [TS]

  Superman you know you are this audience [TS]

  especially has watched as watched enough [TS]

  x-men comic books [TS]

  right to know Nick dependent to know [TS]

  that a certain point you go grab any [TS]

  raccoon and you nail him to a board and [TS]

  you change his skeleton and then he [TS]

  becomes friends with the tree and and [TS]

  then you've been reading wikipedia and [TS]

  this they scare up some trouble in the [TS]

  universe and I feel like I feel like if [TS]

  they can do that to a raccoon why [TS]

  wouldn't they do it to an already [TS]

  eighty-six percent specimen like myself [TS]

  right right start with like start with a [TS]

  good baseline see first here's the thing [TS]

  first there was gonna want to do [TS]

  whatever it takes to keep you alive if [TS]

  you're the emissary right they need you [TS]

  there they trust you for some reason [TS]

  would you know would you know before [TS]

  they do the treatments would you know if [TS]

  they had already given you tasks to find [TS]

  out the extent to which you are able to [TS]

  be the emissary then how will you know [TS]

  they know they know it's not that they [TS]

  trust me it's that they trust that you [TS]

  trust me Grasso they're not scanning me [TS]

  they're scanning you [TS]

  yes who do we trust and then they are [TS]

  saying this name keeps coming up John [TS]

  Rowley clubs or yeah there's a lot like [TS]

  we don't trust John water and we don't [TS]

  like him he's so tall but everybody [TS]

  seems to say like all the people we [TS]

  admire most all the all the computer [TS]

  maths people who are gonna you know [TS]

  we're going to help us keep the the [TS]

  hydroelectric projects running all seem [TS]

  to listen to this one podcast so we [TS]

  better we better bioengineer the one guy [TS]

  into like a super super human [TS]

  that's what I'm just speculating it [TS]

  sells itself [TS]

  yeah so that's what i was doing today [TS]

  sitting in the Charmin a lot of people [TS]

  masturbate in the shower I might never [TS]

  end never understood that [TS]

  masturbating in the shower love [TS]

  masturbating the shower thing seems like [TS]

  a real key rail [TS]

  it's just it's just it's one of those [TS]

  things like playing quarters we're like [TS]

  if you really need a game to drink seems [TS]

  pretty weird i really like to enjoy more [TS]

  of this alcohol but i cannot pass the [TS]

  coin like you can masturbate literally [TS]

  anywhere [TS]

  do you remember that this is a darkroom [TS]

  people do you remember the first time [TS]

  you had sex in a hot tub and remember [TS]

  the first time I tried me right right [TS]

  now this is you know this is this is the [TS]

  this is the quickest version of snipe [TS]

  hunting we say that like smiling right [TS]

  everyone stop funding and you go [TS]

  no but I'm gee whiz I sure i'm willing [TS]

  to try it take this sack you run out in [TS]

  the woods and such and you catch a snipe [TS]

  asking somebody that nobody has ever had [TS]

  sex in a hot tub that is my pieces [TS]

  well it turns out the way to have sex in [TS]

  a hot tub is to have sex just out of a [TS]

  hot tub [TS]

  all right have to just get the sex parts [TS]

  just above the water yes [TS]

  the water's been treated there's redwood [TS]

  a terrible idea why would you why would [TS]

  you do that it's great because it seems [TS]

  so sexy when you are just starting [TS]

  having sex there's a lot of things that [TS]

  seem really sexy when you start having [TS]

  sex that just just leave them on the [TS]

  dresser do not touch him don't do it but [TS]

  there's so many of those a good friend [TS]

  of mine said that she finds any [TS]

  representation of sex in a shower to be [TS]

  repulsive and I was like any [TS]

  representation [TS]

  what about that one where the octopus is [TS]

  having sex with the girl [TS]

  the Japanese comic book and she was like [TS]

  I haven't seen that I was [TS]

  on my way over [TS]

  you know what it is it's a failure of [TS]

  imagination right lack of exposure [TS]

  yeah I don't know people having sex too [TS]

  many places in the marijuana [TS]

  what a mess haha oh yeah that marijuana [TS]

  oh you know it used to be that you could [TS]

  reliably have a live podcast in an [TS]

  italian social hall in front of a bunch [TS]

  of nerds in san francisco and be [TS]

  confident that none of them had ever had [TS]

  sex or smoke marijuana they're saving [TS]

  themselves right but now I feel like [TS]

  everybody in this place is probably [TS]

  baked they're probably having [TS]

  intercourse with the doobie right now [TS]

  yeah and while they're there all baked [TS]

  and they're probably finger banging the [TS]

  person sitting next one is no question [TS]

  man or woman why not friday night [TS]

  surgery it's rare let's do it if we met [TS]

  know these kids today [TS]

  the reason I don't you like some reason [TS]

  I don't use uber I was having this [TS]

  conversation earlier today I used uber [TS]

  one time because i believe and i believe [TS]

  in the concept of uber it's a disruptive [TS]

  technology and you know how i feel about [TS]

  this run their knowledge that is really [TS]

  hard I just want it i detect technology [TS]

  isn't disruptive I got no time for you [TS]

  know what it is it's [TS]

  counter-revolutionary its counter [TS]

  disruptive revolutionary but not them [TS]

  the other ones is low we called legacy [TS]

  industries the legacy industries were [TS]

  carrying like a baby [TS]

  we should all be out there trying the [TS]

  truly revolutionary disruptive companies [TS]

  when the legacy industry looks back on [TS]

  the beach and they see one set of tire [TS]

  prints it's me scurrying like a fucking [TS]

  baby it's okay cabbie we're good so i [TS]

  used uber one time and I was like I [TS]

  looked at my uber that i downloaded the [TS]

  app and I was already insulted it blinks [TS]

  you had apps the blimp I because I [TS]

  learned it starts to go just like that [TS]

  shut up not doing anything poop and then [TS]

  it said oh you have to go from you know [TS]

  point A to point B is going to cost [TS]

  thirty bucks and I was like okay good [TS]

  let's like let's do it and then I made [TS]

  the fatal error I was like you know what [TS]

  actually I want to suburban i wanted i [TS]

  don't know I shall require a suburban i [TS]

  don't i don't wanna make this trip in a [TS]

  previous i see that there is a suburban [TS]

  option and I'm going to take it and then [TS]

  somewhere in the transaction some kind [TS]

  of surge pricing came in and by the end [TS]

  of the thing and then you know the guy [TS]

  is very nice and he gives you two [TS]

  bottles of dasani water that you toss [TS]

  immediately out the window [TS]

  why because the sunny water is just coke [TS]

  water full of salt and impurities asked [TS]

  her what kind of animal haha Iraq who [TS]

  are tracking a dead raccoon you're [TS]

  welcome mom and so so then the bill [TS]

  comes what like a day later or two days [TS]

  later somebody $225 want me to drive [TS]

  across town during some kind of search [TS]

  surge pricing some sort of serve because [TS]

  surge and I was just like this is [TS]

  bullshit fuck this company how was the [TS]

  suburban was it nice my superb yeah [TS]

  leather seats shocking i had to do a [TS]

  thing to go to Portland last weekend and [TS]

  48 port 1 i'm not saying they said do [TS]

  you want us to get you the airport I [TS]

  said no problem i'll just get an uber [TS]

  and an important nuber is just like a [TS]

  green subaru outback like a 17-hour an [TS]

  89 subaru outback right yeah that's [TS]

  being pulled by six fixes are not Santa [TS]

  everybody's got fucking neck tattoos and [TS]

  Macklemore haircut [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  now now i know seriously what we're [TS]

  doing in Portland why are you say don't [TS]

  have over there they don't have over [TS]

  when you can't pump your own gas works [TS]

  out well I know that only remember all [TS]

  that you know Portland shot him down [TS]

  portland is the last place where Maoist [TS]

  job work work programs are still in [TS]

  effect that it is it working it seems [TS]

  like people are doing pretty well people [TS]

  keep moving there [TS]

  yes very flat they keep moving there and [TS]

  they work at a gas station and then they [TS]

  graduate to like the dreamcatcher [TS]

  factory and they work work their way up [TS]

  but it's not a hierarchical system there [TS]

  ma'am can I get to be a hog waxer you [TS]

  can you can become a Macklemore shiner [TS]

  you can just move all the way up joint [TS]

  roller fixing analyst joint roller to [TS]

  the mayor jim joint roller to the mayor [TS]

  to bracket you know Portland is an [TS]

  amazing place and I guy I give it a lot [TS]

  of shit because uh because it feels like [TS]

  us like a younger sibling that hasn't [TS]

  really been to college yet or it's like [TS]

  Seattle it's like if Seattle had never [TS]

  gotten this ass kicked [TS]

  yeah well no Portland got its ass kicked [TS]

  it's like if Seattle's balls never drop [TS]

  oh right which is amazing but I mean I [TS]

  can't really talk about that they're in [TS]

  there but we can't find them [TS]

  yeah that's my one of the conditions and [TS]

  its really it's a really nice town [TS]

  what were you doing there I can't say [TS]

  are you so cryptic about your job why [TS]

  are you so asking about questions [TS]

  Jesus when I first met Merlin he had a [TS]

  pc thats [TS]

  you know and I his job was riding [TS]

  computer maths uh for the like the early [TS]

  internet which was some kind of thing [TS]

  where you like you did the little when [TS]

  you met me I had a pc and my job was [TS]

  writing computer mass for the N yeah you [TS]

  did the little you're like would you [TS]

  like a website what if a little man came [TS]

  out carrying a flag and said you know [TS]

  like hey click attracted little animated [TS]

  gif gifs and it's been a gov hag and now [TS]

  whenever I ask you about your job or [TS]

  what you're doing you're like me sorry [TS]

  can't talk about it [TS]

  need-to-know information John need to [TS]

  know yeah those are crazy days I am [TS]

  it was so fun to be there for you [TS]

  haltingly accepting the idea the [TS]

  internet might exist and then having to [TS]

  slowly so slowly confront what it might [TS]

  mean if you actually looked at it and [TS]

  got involved in it because you were I [TS]

  mean not exaggerated but you were pretty [TS]

  skeptical about every aspect of it still [TS]

  and now know you're so excited now [TS]

  you're loving it [TS]

  I the truth be told I go on twitter i go [TS]

  on what a some other day when i go on at [TS]

  ebay because sometimes there are belt [TS]

  buckles there [TS]

  and then sometimes i go on the I go on [TS]

  the google and-and-and like a google [TS]

  questions about the seahawks to try and [TS]

  figure out what everybody's yelling [TS]

  about [TS]

  but the football team I'm very happy [TS]

  about them while hate crime down you are [TS]

  you of what are you what's your feeling [TS]

  on something other than one of those [TS]

  little moo-cows that when you turn it on [TS]

  you like a 49ers fan [TS]

  oh I bleed whatever their colors are up [TS]

  i assume is how we would have to be a [TS]

  49ers fan because Wow [TS]

  Oh settle down you think you're better [TS]

  than me you sound like a cowboys fan [TS]

  think you're better than me [TS]

  nighters on the local team you have [TS]

  football's so I but i know i'm very [TS]

  excited about it because of the [TS]

  athleticism and has competitive spirit [TS]

  dynamism and the it's an opportunity for [TS]

  tribalism which is a thing i'm very [TS]

  interested in branding and I was just I [TS]

  was just in Africa [TS]

  um I'm not signaling we will be doing [TS]

  i'm not saying on the tribalism I'm [TS]

  segwaying on the i'll take it how big i [TS]

  want to know I want to know what one [TS]

  privileged white man learned from going [TS]

  to Africa I'm I i I'm segwaying on the [TS]

  i'm sorry i was just hope that my talent [TS]

  when I wanna when when we're doing our [TS]

  podcast sometimes I play with the bill [TS]

  you do that really did it doesn't make [TS]

  any noise I just I just do this and I [TS]

  started doing that I don't know it's not [TS]

  okay right [TS]

  um I i was there and i realized that [TS]

  there are no people in the US armed [TS]

  forces from the west coast or the east [TS]

  coast they are all from Texas and [TS]

  Georgia like they pulled the plug on [TS]

  georgia and all the soldiers everybody's [TS]

  from there and they are a lot of them [TS]

  stationed in california but their [TS]

  football loyalties are all four teams [TS]

  that are in the american south blvd [TS]

  atlanta peaches [TS]

  yep the Dallas dustbowl yeah the the [TS]

  Florida swamps [TS]

  arkansas apologies so I was there [TS]

  Alabama reparations i was there in the [TS]

  West Virginia no we're not Virginia [TS]

  there is no west virginia football team [TS]

  yeah sure you get the coal mining coal [TS]

  miners daughter haha they have a giant [TS]

  Loretta Lynn carrier yeah they're little [TS]

  butt brother can take a hit [TS]

  um I'll come on you come up that way you [TS]

  know what they're made of tough stuff [TS]

  those girls [TS]

  yeah anyway so I'm there and I'm like [TS]

  well seahawks right and I was just [TS]

  greeted with i mean i was already [TS]

  greeted with a wall of military like [TS]

  hula hula who are right but no there [TS]

  were no Seahawks fans i was very soon [TS]

  not at all [TS]

  oh just it was I mean I guess everybody [TS]

  hates the Patriots right haha for this [TS]

  this i'm really really pandering to this [TS]

  audience on what's up with their heads [TS]

  up with their team new england i right [TS]

  thanks Obama wear their clothes are [TS]

  primarily white football [TS]

  thanks for coming tonight was my [TS]

  pleasure [TS]

  it's a great place to do this this is [TS]

  amazing i want to take your fabric i [TS]

  wanna hear about the rains down in [TS]

  africa the weekend here i did not know [TS]

  what we were walking into here but what [TS]

  I was surprised that was I assumed every [TS]

  italian social club had a big white [TS]

  wedding cake on the stage at all times [TS]

  right i want to have the personality [TS]

  Spencer just keeps popping back up but [TS]

  where's the freaking cake and Mama comes [TS]

  up to sing and unknown and i feel like [TS]

  these chandeliers are very similar to [TS]

  the chandelier that hung over our dining [TS]

  room table in the 70s those in a smaller [TS]

  version hungover every rental home in [TS]

  Florida in the nineteen eighties is a [TS]

  little bit like very reminiscent yeah [TS]

  this this this place is amazing it is [TS]

  really it's been affected by every [TS]

  problematic design problem with the last [TS]

  60 years and yet the photos the ladies [TS]

  room is upstairs [TS]

  you're welcome and there are some [TS]

  amazing photos on the wall it's [TS]

  fantastic well and this green velvet [TS]

  green though i just bought a green [TS]

  velvet suit on ebay really i'm amazed I [TS]

  was on there looking at belt buckle and [TS]

  i love it and i don't know what you know [TS]

  I don't know what happened i click the [TS]

  hyperlink it was a you know it was x.x [TS]


  yes of valid happened down and suddenly [TS]

  i was looking at green velvet suits and [TS]

  I was like that was my size and I just [TS]

  bought it just spontaneously which is [TS]

  why I shouldn't go on ebay and it came [TS]

  in the mail and it fits and I feel like [TS]

  a couch and I'm like I'm so happy and I [TS]

  almost thought about it almost thought [TS]

  about wearing a tutu the show but then I [TS]

  felt like it [TS]

  that's not really a travel suit you know [TS]

  like yeah right like you get you're [TS]

  traveling you're you're wearing down the [TS]

  velvet now that that's an in-situ at [TS]

  home kind of soup do you wear that you [TS]

  wear that I mean the problem is that a [TS]

  lot of people and i'm sure people in [TS]

  this room have made this mistake you [TS]

  think green belt is a Christmas right [TS]

  it's not accurate but you don't want to [TS]

  wear your green velvet suit on Christmas [TS]

  or Easter that is just too on the note [TS]

  on the nest yeah you want to wear your [TS]

  green velvet suit to say [TS]

  the Rotary Club meeting or while you're [TS]

  reading bible verses to the girl didn't [TS]

  hurt man tension on the elliptical my [TS]

  man dungeon [TS]

  I love it so you're not so Luke says [TS]

  you'll notice that they have they have [TS]

  the nineteen eighties are deco like pho [TS]

  art deco chandeliers [TS]

  yeah but on the stage they replaced the [TS]

  analog lights with digital lights yeah [TS]

  it's it's it was like leds right they [TS]

  are led to the green like the stage [TS]

  they're all the colors all the colors of [TS]

  the rainbow if the rainbow has three [TS]

  color and it creates a very lifelike a [TS]

  glow if you live in an operating room I [TS]

  it feels a little bit hall of presidents [TS]

  to me wow well it's like it's like in [TS]

  the leg put this 10 and it's not a mean [TS]

  way but like if every town has like the [TS]

  nice community theater and the other one [TS]

  and that one decided to have the challah [TS]

  president has a show for the whole [TS]

  president yes are you talking about is [TS]

  that that's the show at chuck-e-cheese [TS]

  right where they play banjos right [TS]

  Calvin Coolidge i will not be remembered [TS]

  when bus your tray but this is you know [TS]

  these things these LED lights they are [TS]

  really solving a problem that it's like [TS]

  solving a non-problem I feel like yeah [TS]

  I'm against in general [TS]

  LED lights in my own home I am very much [TS]

  like many things in our culture today [TS]

  very much in favor of you doing it if [TS]

  that's what turns you on [TS]

  yes you want to have if you want to [TS]

  change your lightbulbs or two LEDs and I [TS]

  don't want to be one of these people [TS]

  that's like has a conspiracy theory [TS]

  website talking about well I can't [TS]

  frankly i do but i can help you with [TS]

  that but I don't want it to be about I [TS]

  don't want to get it to be about light [TS]

  bulbs obviously it's gonna be about [TS]

  chemtrails to keep your powder dry but [TS]

  this whole led thing it just feels like [TS]

  that whole thing that we've it's like [TS]

  recycling paper towels or whatever we're [TS]

  talking about 15 years ago it's like [TS]

  really paper towels really see I was you [TS]

  I'd all the whole recycling thing that's [TS]

  gonna like Penn Jillette but I I don't [TS]

  understand how that is viable [TS]

  someone drives around a fucking truck [TS]

  picks up your Rolling Rock bottles and [TS]

  then what does that get made into a park [TS]

  bench like a helmet like what happens [TS]

  with that gets made into helmet [TS]

  have you noticed how many kids are [TS]

  wearing helmets now glass helmet haha [TS]

  class 10 mile of glass helmet my [TS]

  cyclists there from there from homburg [TS]

  means gutenberg sound I I this is the [TS]

  thing when i was a kid [TS]

  no kids wore helmets know what was the [TS]

  crucifer you the first time you saw [TS]

  somebody in a helmet [TS]

  I it was about read his friend died for [TS]

  not working on it was a back then our [TS]

  heads would explode like melons and we [TS]

  thought it was part of the process [TS]

  the old man is standing on a car seat [TS]

  when people wore helmets were test [TS]

  pilots and cops like my motorcycle cops [TS]

  right right and now I was in park slope [TS]

  i'm not very long ago in like the kids [TS]

  wearing helmets in the grocery store and [TS]

  it's part of the pits pits Brooklyn it's [TS]

  part of the problem but it's happening [TS]

  here to I'd must be yeah I got mixed [TS]

  feelings [TS]

  I got mixed feelings because on the one [TS]

  hand like I wish you could be a little [TS]

  kid in a very very heavy pontiac like [TS]

  standing on the seat while your father [TS]

  drives and smokes that's an indelible [TS]

  wonderful memory for me lot of problems [TS]

  with it [TS]

  let's be honest what was the first time [TS]

  somebody went around the corner and the [TS]

  door opened and you fell out [TS]

  well how many times I mean that's just [TS]

  how you do [TS]

  yeah yeah one time we lost my sister [TS]

  right out the door and fortunately it [TS]

  was like into a patch of gravel and so [TS]

  she just she's she's an athlete she [TS]

  patio lid and roll and I think she was [TS]

  crying mostly because she was startled [TS]

  what what block it off Susan you're [TS]

  gonna write your dad just listen to big [TS]

  band music really loud [TS]

  no that was my mom's car actually uh you [TS]

  know that that was one of the my mom's [TS]

  car she had a Dodge daughter dodge dart [TS]

  swinger and unfortunately I think what [TS]

  her version of reality was that we hung [TS]

  on the doors and swung on the doors and [TS]

  ruined the hinges or something [TS]

  now I don't ever remember a single time [TS]

  swinging on the door sounds like you but [TS]

  I mean think about how fun that is [TS]

  it's just a one-way trip and it's pretty [TS]

  short like you can't really like where [TS]

  am I going [TS]

  bonk yeah so I don't remember doing it [TS]

  but mom always swore that the doors were [TS]

  sprung that was the terms you use these [TS]

  doors are sprung their sprung because [TS]

  you hung on them and swung around you [TS]

  remember when you started wearing [TS]

  seatbelts remember this here's the thing [TS]

  i don't remember seatbelts being in cars [TS]

  i remember we bought a car that went [TS]

  beep when you sat in it without putting [TS]

  Suppan my mom took it the Pontiac [TS]

  dealership and disconnect and reconnect [TS]

  could just shut off that Deeping up my [TS]

  recollection is that top saving my [TS]

  family start and starting in about [TS]

  nineteen eighty-eight I had a very clear [TS]

  sense that you wore a seatbelt in [TS]

  european cars but not in American cars [TS]

  that's back when European cars came with [TS]

  an O God handle right american cars did [TS]

  not at night right if you got a German [TS]

  car or you know if you have japanese [TS]

  crack any kind of like an import car [TS]

  they would they were way more swinging [TS]

  on the road he kind of needed that [TS]

  yeah you have to hold on to something [TS]

  enables 80 runs from pwc have little [TS]

  straps you hang onto of course yeah [TS]

  oh my god the times other times i have [TS]

  hanging onto the strap of everybody [TS]

  everybody inside is intoxicated from the [TS]

  gas fumes [TS]

  it's the gas from the heater right the [TS]

  gas it's not the gas from the motor [TS]

  because that's behind but the [TS]

  gas-powered heater that's right under [TS]

  than I my bus had an engine in the back [TS]

  and I smell that gas good and strong i [TS]

  had a bus and it caught on fire and ice [TS]

  melt that [TS]

  you know what I learned it's really [TS]

  super important to change the oil in a [TS]

  VW super duper important to a too little [TS]

  too late otherwise you get this [TS]

  expression from your girlfriend [TS]

  we are recording this to put out as a [TS]

  podcast so I was making a face the [TS]

  ghosts but it's and my wife Camille mm [TS]

  no I definitely remember feeling a very [TS]

  clear distinction between cars you wore [TS]

  seat belts in cars you didn't and I feel [TS]

  like cars you didn't wear a seatbelt in [TS]

  were cars where if the if your if your [TS]

  significant other was in the other chair [TS]

  if it was just like a big upholstered [TS]

  couch and they could like scooch over as [TS]

  you were driving aids you don't want to [TS]

  seat belt in there no way but if you [TS]

  were in a car that bucket seats and [TS]

  they're gonna emergency break in between [TS]

  and there was no chance of like [TS]

  migratory like sex but yes why not put a [TS]

  seatbelt on most of the cars had the [TS]

  best seat fancy big bench these is on [TS]

  chrysler imperial it was a chrysler [TS]

  newport Imperial it was at a time in the [TS]

  Chrysler model range where they were [TS]

  just throwing all the names it that was [TS]

  likely to be a greater all good yeah [TS]

  here's be a Chrysler Imperial now [TS]

  there's going to be a chrysler newport [TS]

  can make them both limited-edition [TS]

  chrysler newport imperial and and that [TS]

  had a seat [TS]

  I mean seriously if you were sitting in [TS]

  the passenger seat of the Chrysler you [TS]

  would be further away from me than you [TS]

  are now she's i remember i could lay [TS]

  down in the back of our pontiac till I [TS]

  was about 11 just like all the way [TS]

  across without touching on either side [TS]

  now that big-ass call damn America [TS]

  what's happened to us what is happening [TS]

  we have fallen so far and our podcast [TS]

  has fallen so far we are just now of old [TS]

  man how does anybody get sex but now [TS]

  I don't think you're allowed to have sex [TS]

  now except in like constrained [TS]

  circumstances you have to share a banana [TS]

  seat I think it's antioch rules all the [TS]

  time now what is that [TS]

  antioch rules you have to like fill out [TS]

  a form oh can I get another I they were [TS]

  right as can I go to second and a half [TS]

  base yeah there is no second and a half [TS]

  base there there you don't understand [TS]

  baseball [TS]

  no I don't know people keep reading [TS]

  I keep seeing people with happy smiles [TS]

  on their faces they might want to have [TS]

  the same people must be the same people [TS]

  i don't think new people are dependent [TS]

  on oil into the intercourse thing I [TS]

  think it's because the same people just [TS]

  repeating it over and over that's all I [TS]

  can figure was the last time you saw [TS]

  somebody with more than one or two kids [TS]

  rarely well no in San Francisco you live [TS]

  in a big city big in bruns a small part [TS]

  of the big city in San Francisco if [TS]

  you're in a couple you need to have two [TS]

  kids and one dog or one kid and two dogs [TS]

  you could potentially have two kids and [TS]

  two dogs that is within the zoning but [TS]

  if you have two dogs in one kid you [TS]

  better be working on another fucking kid [TS]

  well you know I have you they come in [TS]

  pairs have one kid you have one kid far [TS]

  as i know my kid the other day said I [TS]

  want a sister and I said you might get a [TS]

  brother if you're not careful [TS]

  and she said that's fine because she has [TS]

  no idea what words mean but she said [TS]

  this I want a sister in earshot of her [TS]

  mother who then looked at me with arched [TS]

  eyebrows signifying all of eternity and [TS]

  then I was like running up a sandy hill [TS]

  happened [TS]

  it's such an innocent request run up a [TS]

  sandy hill thinking of all kinds of [TS]

  things and I was like I have to have a [TS]

  plane to catch [TS]

  so that's where we left it [TS]

  when i get back to Seattle they're going [TS]

  to show up at the airport baby in the [TS]

  car seat baby's momma and they're both [TS]

  gonna be arching their eyebrows at me [TS]

  I'm gonna be standing there with a [TS]

  guitar in one hand and a suitcase in the [TS]

  other was supposed to have an answer [TS]

  turn on your heel and walked back on the [TS]

  plane [TS]

  wow what an awkward conversation well i [TS]

  don't know i mean people have been [TS]

  happening for thousands of years [TS]

  yeah I guess so what do you do what do [TS]

  you want to work what do you do when [TS]

  your kids I want a brother or sister [TS]

  I think the stroke haha that's really [TS]

  interesting first down [TS]

  I you know it's the same as when she [TS]

  wants a pet like it a lot of fucking [TS]

  work honey [TS]

  like you know she she thinks like I want [TS]

  a cat i want a dog i want to whatever [TS]

  and it's like like yeah you know I can't [TS]

  get you to finish a bath like what do [TS]

  you know how much work it is to have [TS]

  another person in the house that you buy [TS]

  things for i love that extraordinary i [TS]

  love that thinking what if I just say [TS]

  you'll have to clean up after your [TS]

  little brother you're gonna have to feed [TS]

  him and clean and clean his cage [TS]

  well I think the kennel McLean [TS]

  mechanical kennel yeah that well i mean [TS]

  i think it's it's something where like [TS]

  if you really want to address the [TS]

  question and break their spirit make [TS]

  them earn it in a way you know they [TS]

  can't haha just kidding me that's all I [TS]

  was raised [TS]

  it's like like finally somebody that i [TS]

  cannot think it's I mean it's not going [TS]

  to be consistent it's not going to be [TS]

  forever but like it's so fucking obvious [TS]

  with everything that she's trying to do [TS]

  too much about the compromises right [TS]

  when she says daddy i have a compromise [TS]

  yeah tonight instead of a bath i will [TS]

  have chocolate and watch Goldfinger [TS]

  again [TS]

  I say that's very compelling but i am [TS]

  not really sure which part of that [TS]

  constitutes a compromise [TS]

  okay i have five chocolates and going [TS]

  for that but know that my daughter has [TS]

  just recently started saying to me daddy [TS]

  I like all boys except warm and I go [TS]

  I'll bite who's the one boy you don't [TS]

  like she says daddy so precious and i [TS]

  say i've been dealing with your kind for [TS]

  a lot longer than you've been alive [TS]

  anything else I know how this ends [TS]

  you have a baby with me wait a minute [TS]

  it's rather exceptional know [TS]

  ah yeah but like I love you like that i [TS]

  can just see it coming from a mile off [TS]

  and you know most the time I want to be [TS]

  a good steward of that kind of thing I [TS]

  don't want to punish the child for being [TS]

  ambitious with me she could fool me but [TS]

  i do have to be able to draw the line a [TS]

  little bit because there are things [TS]

  where that's you know compromise and so [TS]

  you get to be like a like a Greek god [TS]

  and come up with tasks that must be [TS]

  performed [TS]

  Oh whoo haha oh you you want to have a [TS]

  baby brother [TS]

  oh right well since when do greek gods [TS]

  talk like southern lawyers [TS]

  depends on the firm you're hiring oh you [TS]

  want a big brother all that that's an [TS]

  interesting idea maybe we'll start with [TS]

  a cat and you clean your room every [TS]

  night for six weeks was young knows it [TS]

  he just set her up for failure I'm gonna [TS]

  put a magnet here do anything doesn't [TS]

  matter it's obvious after a day failure [TS]

  crying tears insult me by buying me [TS]

  something I hope it's not alive because [TS]

  obviously you can't take care of it [TS]

  I'm moving the magnet it's the thing [TS]

  also with money she's decided she wants [TS]

  to you know who fucking cares it's a kid [TS]

  I know shut up but I i think i'll be [TS]

  over in a second but it's really super [TS]

  annoying she she's discovered things [TS]

  like money everything now and she wants [TS]

  more of stuff and she wants to have a [TS]

  mansion she wants to be she has a heist [TS]

  that she's working on pulling off so she [TS]

  can buy a boat look yeah yeah well I but [TS]

  the thing is i candidly I'm trying to [TS]

  explain to her how to get away with [TS]

  stuff in life and I want to do in a [TS]

  useful way but please and thank you [TS]

  honey [TS]

  terrific way to get away with stuff also [TS]

  if you're going to have a heist don't [TS]

  tell me about it even if you're going to [TS]

  have a heist if you're gonna jump out a [TS]

  window and you need me to have a [TS]

  mattress out there that you can jump on [TS]

  you should get somebody else involved [TS]

  cuz i'm totally not going to do that I [TS]

  don't want you to be at our house with [TS]

  the treasure that you stolen so don't [TS]

  tell me about the plan see I'mI'm first [TS]

  of all I want to succeed but you know [TS]

  not not at my peril [TS]

  I'm hoping that that my daughter is [TS]

  interested in pulling off some heists [TS]

  Kanye and I really want her to tell me [TS]

  about it because finally somebody around [TS]

  here we have a good plan for a fucking [TS]

  heist [TS]

  right like that's part of my problem i'm [TS]

  waiting around for somebody to come to [TS]

  me and say like here's the bank here's [TS]

  where we dig the pole in the swimming [TS]

  pool of the club next door [TS]

  right right here's the deal we buy a [TS]

  hardware store but everybody's always [TS]

  waited for 15 years and suddenly we move [TS]

  into the baby clothes store next door [TS]

  and wait wait wait we retire we get a [TS]

  facelift we come in we would address [TS]

  outside the window get the treasure and [TS]

  go back to the house [TS]

  he's got a very very long con idea of [TS]

  how heists go suite 260 yeah I love a [TS]

  long con [TS]

  i I just introduced flow to the idea of [TS]

  money [TS]

  come on up by a bloop it now oh right [TS]

  sorry but I just said her name [TS]

  that's not a thing that we typically do [TS]

  forget it erase your minds do you mean [TS]

  wow [TS]

  um i'm using my powers given to me by [TS]

  our alien overlords to selectively erase [TS]

  your mind I will help you with my former [TS]

  cancers butt so anyway not to I'm [TS]

  keeping my work you have melanomas on [TS]

  your face maje my collection of my [TS]

  former cancers is one of my favorite [TS]

  collection i love that that slow EPA i [TS]

  just bought one of those little curio [TS]

  boxes and I have each little cancerous [TS]

  blob in there she'll spend it looks like [TS]

  the good looks like the box of rocks [TS]

  they give you when you take intro to [TS]

  geology every one of them is new number [TS]

  two name little personal cancer GIS and [TS]

  smells bar but i but i was so not to [TS]

  bring it back to my recent trip to [TS]

  Africa which obviously i'm going to talk [TS]

  about but I was a was embedded in our in [TS]

  the 10 this happens embedded you know [TS]

  what you know what Dan Benjamin maybe [TS]

  wants to start a podcast network [TS]

  I bet it's already recording some way up [TS]

  every show is four-and-a-half hours long [TS]

  here's here's the thing about olive jars [TS]

  every show is born hours long because [TS]

  dan Benjamin didn't invest in a bell [TS]

  haha i ever tell you about the time I [TS]

  learned to drive a gene in and then in [TS]

  it anyway in the when your when your [TS]

  embedded what you get when your embedded [TS]

  with the Special Forces team as I've [TS]

  recently been this is part of a military [TS]

  culture that maybe you a you hippies [TS]

  won't know anything about but the [TS]

  concept of the challenge coin are you [TS]

  familiar with the challenge coin [TS]

  challenge coin different outfits have a [TS]

  coin that represents them and they can [TS]

  trade them with others and it's thing [TS]

  right yeah right i think it started with [TS]

  an emblematic of your group started with [TS]

  the seals and if you if you if you met [TS]

  somebody to borrow your like you know [TS]

  I'm seal or whatever and you couldn't [TS]

  produce the challenge coin then they [TS]

  would give you a swirly Oh or worse some [TS]

  kind of stealing six World SEAL Team six [TS]

  Worley which is designing not based on [TS]

  their audience reaction i fear that you [TS]

  do not know what swirlies are well I [TS]

  think these guys have had since haha IC [TS]

  chocolate swirly IC lemons swirly they [TS]

  were just having a trigger problem right [TS]

  there they're like oh really well you [TS]

  always have a trigger warning for [TS]

  restrooms God will be in junior high [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  uh so anyway Lynch coin challenge coins [TS]

  have now proliferated in the military [TS]

  everybody's got one although it seemed [TS]

  like only officers at who [TS]

  but every time I went to shake hands [TS]

  with some kind commanding officer there [TS]

  was a coin in his hand that was meant [TS]

  for me [TS]

  you're like Thank You commander for [TS]

  having us on the base whoa think they [TS]

  give them away to be they will they give [TS]

  them away to special friends [TS]

  so for instance a part of me that was a [TS]

  sorry bad ring so i would say i'd be [TS]

  like hello nice to meet you and then no [TS]

  you gotta shake the hand well we're [TS]

  going home [TS]

  I don't know her then you feel the bond [TS]

  of the coin or something [TS]

  yes Wow and then walk take the coin and [TS]

  then they give you a look [TS]

  just in case you missed that they just [TS]

  handed you a coin they also give you a [TS]

  look like i just handed you a coin so [TS]

  you're like 10 the idea what face to [TS]

  give him in return for that but I mean I [TS]

  he's giving you a coin face like what [TS]

  are you doing response is super gay no I [TS]

  have just sort of a general gratitude [TS]

  face that I try and wear all the time he [TS]

  shot just sort of like but might I [TS]

  totally get thank you for your challenge [TS]

  coin general ji gratitude coin also [TS]

  expresses my reluctance to feel [TS]

  gratitude [TS]

  so I can only see how I I didn't have [TS]

  anything for you and so right exactly [TS]

  that was another I was like how indebted [TS]

  MIT you now but now so now because i [TS]

  went on this tour of various military [TS]

  bases i have us a collection of these [TS]

  coins some of which are the size of [TS]

  eisenhower dollars and they're all they [TS]

  all have lots of colors on them and Bend [TS]

  and Dragons and demons and people [TS]

  holding pitchforks and like death from [TS]

  above and all this stuff even lucky to [TS]

  even the guys that then the you know [TS]

  like the cooks master whatever the night [TS]

  that from above like salsbury steak from [TS]

  above and so I have all these things and [TS]

  then I realized that this is a whole [TS]

  other on a shingle happen [TS]

  this is a whole culture right and your [TS]

  men to come that and and the CIA has [TS]

  them and everybody in the government has [TS]

  challenged called a terrible idea i know [TS]

  when if somebody slips you there like [TS]

  thanks for you know thanks for many that [TS]

  advertises yeah like you're here [TS]

  oh shit oh you're in the CIA old Hawk I [TS]

  shouldn't be better if anything for you [TS]

  but so now i have these challenge coins [TS]

  and I was like I you know these are like [TS]

  important to people and I feel like this [TS]

  would be the type of thing that was [TS]

  important to me if it didn't feel a [TS]

  little perfunctory and the pump turi [TS]

  nature of it you know a couple of them [TS]

  just said like commanding officer was [TS]

  like did you get this in one of those [TS]

  games where the robot arm comes and [TS]

  you were looking for at nrt McPhee thing [TS]

  that right get for a kids party ending [TS]

  officer one gross and challenge cause I [TS]

  get your name honored at least or [TS]

  something [TS]

  yeah so I came back and I have this [TS]

  little bag of coins that was actually [TS]

  pretty substantial coins and I was like [TS]

  you know daughter [TS]

  hello daughter nice to see you here's [TS]

  some money [TS]

  I brought you and she was pretty into it [TS]

  until she started to see all the like [TS]

  flaming skull heads on them and I was [TS]

  like never forget you know what your [TS]

  father had to do to get the stuff that's [TS]

  right [TS]

  unhooks false and pick up every morning [TS]

  remember to thank me for my service if [TS]

  you are we're going to make your own [TS]

  challenge going to have a sense of what [TS]

  the design might be what my challenge [TS]

  going well you know if it's it could be [TS]

  for your vocation it just could be for [TS]

  your aspirations but it'd be kind of [TS]

  cool and super creepy if when you met [TS]

  people you handed them a coin they [TS]

  didn't ask for i feel like i only put it [TS]

  on them but then give you the gratitude [TS]

  face fucking I feel like mine would have [TS]

  a raven on one side kind of giving you [TS]

  the hairy eyeball and then a GMC RV on [TS]

  the other side also giving you the area [TS]

  and just you have to figure out what [TS]

  that meant I like a coin you gotta [TS]

  figure out that's a good idea alright [TS]

  are calling that you take back to your [TS]

  room and you you take out a typo [TS]

  understand just said cousins little to [TS]

  deliver a type of work from some very [TS]

  conflicting information on it yeah weird [TS]

  spell wi ER d uh you know the every [TS]

  night [TS]

  Roderick challenge going when I'm [TS]

  traveling with my passport [TS]

  every night I can't help ya i go back to [TS]

  my room and look at all the stamps on my [TS]

  passport he kept traveling with your [TS]

  passport right in [TS]

  did you bring your passport just two [TS]

  come to this part of san francisco [TS]

  like well I'm leaving the sunset I [TS]

  better bring my passport let me see it [TS]

  oh I can't see you oh yeah I guess so [TS]

  what I want to do in portland I didn't [TS]

  get your question if you gotta run the [TS]

  fuck out of the country where do you [TS]

  want your passport isn't home then once [TS]

  that deposit but it's in the middle of [TS]

  all know it's by your ass and you're [TS]

  running toward the door I guess you know [TS]

  carriers all this is the ultimate a [TS]

  small bag [TS]

  yes read the front page read the overly [TS]

  well you know I mean or do you know what [TS]

  it says not that whoa hello Charles [TS]

  Nelson Reilly pig has taken prednisone [TS]

  boom huh [TS]

  shoot the camera over here what does it [TS]

  say listen everybody else but the [TS]

  incaviligia lot of water with the blood [TS]

  talking about this on maybe Bionic there [TS]

  with the different things that are [TS]

  inside of the passports the Secretary of [TS]

  State you got a little drunk media [TS]

  secretary of state of the United States [TS]

  of America hereby request all whom it [TS]

  may concern to permit the citizen / [TS]

  national start a little Patriot song [TS]

  pointed yeah dude don't forget a [TS]

  periodic using it seemed like you mean [TS]

  it [TS]

  you have to be a little drunk and also [TS]

  be Andrew Jackson but I don't care for [TS]

  Native American old hickory that called [TS]

  me [TS]

  yeah world's first andrew jackson [TS]

  reenactor I'm not know don't get me [TS]

  wrong I'm not personally acquainted with [TS]

  the history miss Jackson my accent tends [TS]

  to change every 12 to 17 minutes to [TS]

  bruin Thailand to be about time to [TS]

  tiptoe well Tyler to tyler perry's [TS]

  tippecanoe request all who may concern [TS]

  to permit the citizens / national United [TS]

  States named herein to pass without [TS]

  delay or hindrance and in case of need [TS]

  to give all lawful aid and protection [TS]

  also all fucking bag [TS]

  Hey look at that no no let me show you [TS]

  what let me show you some shit that you [TS]

  need to know oh look at that [TS]

  that's right we have the same wallet [TS]

  because I gave your mom then she gave it [TS]

  to you yeah I don't remember buying his [TS]

  mother a wallet and gave my mom a men's [TS]

  wallet as a as a thank you gift I got [TS]

  her some driving gloves a crop and weird [TS]

  i don't remember them and she was like [TS]

  all right thing i want i said i don't [TS]

  know what to do with this and I'll take [TS]

  it and now I've had it for years and [TS]

  look at this [TS]

  Oh wonder twin powers activate shape of [TS]

  a nice monkey i love you anyway you [TS]

  carry around your passport [TS]

  yeah I carry around these items what [TS]

  with the state of washington state of [TS]

  Washington offers this is not flattering [TS]

  John know that is that what it's not [TS]

  meant to be flattering it's meant to be [TS]

  intimidating i want police when they [TS]

  look at my driver's license to be scared [TS]

  work in a cafeteria at the State [TS]

  Department it's not a cafeteria in the [TS]

  studio there's not a gluten-free option [TS]

  this this picture says to any police [TS]

  officer in the United States I know your [TS]

  boss Nick compare now [TS]

  yes it is intimidating corrected nick [TS]

  says intimidating yes [TS]

  this says this says go ahead give me a [TS]

  ticket right go ahead and also give a [TS]

  ticket to the bags under my eyes [TS]

  go ahead go ahead give me a ticket I'm [TS]

  and I have your badge number memorized [TS]

  and then this this is troubling but [TS]

  anyway this is a state of Washington I [TS]

  get Ghost which actually has passport [TS]

  information on the back it's called an [TS]

  enhanced driver's license and it allows [TS]

  you to travel out of the United States [TS]

  by any land or sea border without a [TS]

  passport [TS]

  alright so when it's time for me to bail [TS]

  I'm not standing around holding my [TS]

  fucking pants or nah [TS]

  oh I'm waiting in line at the airport I [TS]

  have a muni clipper card with iron man [TS]

  on it with that which if you have seven [TS]

  hours to square can get you to the [TS]

  oakland airport haha family with [TS]

  anything now focus your partner my [TS]

  daughter's the captain america one [TS]

  that's can't i'm really glad that you [TS]

  have your written and raised your kids [TS]

  to like all the things that you like it [TS]

  because it is true it's really tricky a [TS]

  fan of Wilberforce she likes Wilberforce [TS]

  and all the Marvel characters and she [TS]

  likes to hook them shock but not as for [TS]

  work you know I hear you dropping [TS]

  references from time to time you talked [TS]

  about storm on a podcast together didn't [TS]

  know I'm an American [TS]

  yeah it's not that I don't know what [TS]

  happens in comic books yes when I got [TS]

  off the airplane here in san francisco i [TS]

  was walking through the terminal there [TS]

  was a very well-dressed 52 year old [TS]

  black guy in like great close everybody [TS]

  in the san francisco airport has great [TS]

  clothes on this guy was like really put [TS]

  together my environment admiring his his [TS]

  glasses I'm admiring the cut of his jib [TS]

  and I look down in his lap is full of [TS]

  graphic novels this and he is reading [TS]

  some graphic novel about some ghost girl [TS]

  because that's what they're all about [TS]

  every graphic novel is about some ghost [TS]

  girl and I was like sir you are a grown [TS]

  person stopped reading comic books and [TS]

  then then he was like I'm a billionaire [TS]

  I can do what I want I could have you [TS]

  acquired I could have you actually hired [TS]

  by the time you get your fancy boy [TS]

  shoeshine I live in San Francisco where [TS]

  all billionaires now okay [TS]

  oh wow somebody made a horse sound oh [TS]

  it's not just a billionaire that brought [TS]

  his horse to the show I bring a [TS]

  different horse to every show haven't [TS]

  killed in the end I don't need the horse [TS]

  horse didn't need the show next issue i [TS]

  work at Google I take my horse on the [TS]

  bus [TS]

  oh I ride my horse out of the elevator [TS]

  into the bus could be could be like a [TS]

  special-needs horse like it helps you [TS]

  feel anxiety is the redhorse yeah right [TS]

  so if you just hate just get on all [TS]

  fours and you like you're checking your [TS]

  phone and just like with your phone and [TS]

  like a fucking Clydesdale it's a it's [TS]

  it's broken it's for anxiety [TS]

  it's your anxiety horse um actually it's [TS]

  a prescription horse have a card for it [TS]

  it has it [TS]

  yeah it has a blanket that you've [TS]

  scrawled in sharpie like the surface [TS]

  force don't let me caution you don't get [TS]

  me and I'm a service orbit you know what [TS]

  every horse that's what it's there for [TS]

  that's the whole body horses service or [TS]

  whether there's some horses that are [TS]

  just like free you mean just like at [TS]

  liberty horses yeah just free horses i [TS]

  mean i guess there are wild palominos [TS]

  right but of course they're just picking [TS]

  up work where they can I wandering [TS]

  through town drinking cheap coffee just [TS]

  like a jobber like a what's up Nate [TS]

  horse I thought they'd be different for [TS]

  me [TS]

  anybody horse in fact i was at 14 [TS]

  mission and i think i saw horse that was [TS]

  just like me towards new horse in town [TS]

  yeah he just comes to town to get some [TS]

  it gets on bart gets on horse part it [TS]

  pulls into the station i was told when [TS]

  you when you walk down mission do not [TS]

  look did not make eye contact with any [TS]

  horse that's just trying to talk to no [TS]

  no now that do a three course [TS]

  money here and watch that I don't know [TS]

  their second horsey horse paperback [TS]

  Horst Wessel while horse vessel eating [TS]

  he sure did [TS]

  yes yeah that was bad got close to [TS]

  Hitler got real good lately attention [TS]

  generation supertrain we have an [TS]

  exciting new thought technology for you [TS]

  because right now for the first time [TS]

  ever [TS]

  Roderick on the line has shirts shirts [TS]

  that you can buy and then where these [TS]

  are small batch single cask artists anal [TS]

  t-shirts and hoodies featuring our [TS]

  brand-new Roderick on the wine logo [TS]

  lovingly crafted by our pals at cotton [TS]

  bureau to see them for yourself you can [TS]

  find a link shown us for this episode or [TS]

  just dial up bit ly / supertrain shirt [TS]

  here's the thing this is a very limited [TS]

  time offer the last possible second to [TS]

  buy this shirt passes on februari 6 2015 [TS]

  at 2pm so please act now go to italy / [TS]

  supertrain shirt and pick up this [TS]

  one-of-a-kind item for the very first [TS]

  time available to you John and I thank [TS]

  you in advance for having a torso and [TS]

  excellent taste [TS]

  I'm not against i'm not against i'm not [TS]

  against horses are sweet my daughter [TS]

  would probably have a horse if she could [TS]

  course every daughter would have a horse [TS]

  of course because because horses are [TS]

  like a sex totem for girls [TS]

  yeah we're girls represent Sigmund Freud [TS]

  yeah but yes it's not it's not that it's [TS]

  a prosthesis for Sigmund Freud forward [TS]

  to Freud process strapon Froy yeah they [TS]

  love horses [TS]

  I find them how many people a lot of [TS]

  people do kind of use me as a fried [TS]

  prawns see because you're means are [TS]

  unsound you haven't aged well limited [TS]

  know because I look like I look like [TS]

  Freud if Freud was hit with The Dig Dug [TS]

  pump couple of times [TS]

  I like will wake up wake up [TS]

  whoa and then but then you get away [TS]

  right well in food in my back and I [TS]

  believe I footage yeah and that's rides [TS]

  happen [TS]

  you're just using you just paralyzing [TS]

  the fried so you can keep digging [TS]

  tunnels [TS]

  yeah that's a penis yeah that would be [TS]

  super weird because of what they look [TS]

  like big dogs what you said one time I [TS]

  was at the Tastee Freez yeah 1989 chili [TS]

  dog I was not I have never I like a [TS]

  chili dog never sucked on one I have [TS]

  never seen anyone stuck in a chili dog [TS]

  and have never had learned because [TS]

  something you didn't write a song i [TS]

  think that fucking ding-a-lings wrote [TS]

  those lyrics because he thought I don't [TS]

  know what caused the Indiana but anyway [TS]

  Tastee Freez i was at the Tastee Freez [TS]

  and it was early in the eighties and the [TS]

  guy was playing dig dug and he was a guy [TS]

  that like was wearing his hat is [TS]

  baseball hat on backwards he had a [TS]

  toucan in there he was like he was he [TS]

  was like one of the tough kids he was [TS]

  like the kid in Bad News Bears the road [TS]

  motorcycle check your Haley that's right [TS]

  jack your land your shock and watchmen [TS]

  and remember and remember and and he's [TS]

  playing dig dug and dig dugs you know [TS]

  got a little song that happens while [TS]

  he's diggin love theme from doing down [TS]

  there anybody know the theme from big [TS]

  Doug no no no you know it's not [TS]

  hysterical laughter it's some kind of [TS]

  little song that happens and it changes [TS]

  with a walk with what changes as he digs [TS]

  and different things when he's pumping [TS]

  up dragons the difference change song [TS]

  changes and i'm watching the game and [TS]

  I'm you know and this is the thing that [TS]

  we used to do in the eighties which is [TS]

  sit and watch somebody play a video game [TS]

  for hours just like yeah yeah go go and [TS]

  you can afford it I couldn't play video [TS]

  games its cost a whole quarter [TS]

  ridiculous you could buy five mini [TS]

  hershey kisses for are many reasons [TS]

  pieces no not pieces reeses cups [TS]

  yeah boy this is really this 112th one [TS]

  of the most amazing stories I've ever [TS]

  told but [TS]

  so I'm said i'm watching this kid play [TS]

  let me unwind and nail for kidding about [TS]

  the equivalency of entertainment to a [TS]

  young man in the early and I so i'm [TS]

  watching this guy play i'm sitting I've [TS]

  been sitting here for 45 minutes and [TS]

  this is not a guy that would give me the [TS]

  time of day normally but i'm ben i get [TS]

  to be proximate to him because i'm [TS]

  watching him play dig dug and a certain [TS]

  point I go you know you could probably [TS]

  like the way a song if you just dig dug [TS]

  in the room in the right order [TS]

  you could like make it into a song [TS]

  because the music changes and it was the [TS]

  first time that I ever felt that feeling [TS]

  of like walking into a Western bar [TS]

  wearing it like it really dude costume [TS]

  and all this all the Cowboys just turned [TS]

  their heads real slowly New York's [TS]

  anything happen and it looked me up and [TS]

  down and then went back to what they [TS]

  were doing i was just no boy and I just [TS]

  slunk and respond on at all no not him [TS]

  and not that not his acolytes and not [TS]

  his like little henchmen like everybody [TS]

  just turn real slowly and there are only [TS]


  so I don't know where they learn that [TS]

  move i think it was just instinctively [TS]

  was like that's rough and I knew right [TS]

  then that I was not made for this world [TS]

  i can brutal see that's how I that's how [TS]

  I became Who I am today [TS]

  yeah someone who is prepared to fight [TS]

  for justice [TS]

  yeah in every word indeed especially [TS]

  justice for me the most important kind [TS]

  of Justice happen a lot of people [TS]

  mm so uh so how was the fact that it [TS]

  gives some texts [TS]

  yeah haha pretty good shower so that we [TS]

  can avoid a couple topic i really i [TS]

  really want to ask questions of the [TS]

  audience but I'm afraid to break the [TS]

  fourth wall because we're whenever i do [TS]

  that on the program I get angry emails [TS]

  now with picture of the fourth wall [TS]

  that's fine we don't have an audience [TS]

  Mike but I can give him mine [TS]

  oh I mean I don't feel like I felt like [TS]

  I want to do it like so much that I want [TS]

  to do [TS]

  yeah right but what it's like it's like [TS]

  it's like doing a song based on dig dug [TS]

  you did good dick tip as they make their [TS]

  kids at his name [TS]

  yeah if chicken tikka tikka when you [TS]

  inflate the Freud haha dick good on me [TS]

  have some times didn't we [TS]

  um yeah it's a it's funny because when [TS]

  we do this program over the phone you [TS]

  usually have to go to the bathroom by [TS]

  this point and you like ring the bell on [TS]

  me [TS]

  totally yeah well I literally peed [TS]

  myself twice we can I i'm glad i had a [TS]

  quickie they're finally just so you guys [TS]

  know can I say something real quick of [TS]

  the building no I totally did not do [TS]

  that to the bathroom [TS]

  i feel like i don't i should i should [TS]

  not have to say this but i I've been in [TS]

  the bathroom twice [TS]

  someone is really in the bathroom and it [TS]

  was not me it seemed like me I walked [TS]

  out and it the bathroom was bad and the [TS]

  toilet was running he came up to the [TS]

  dressing room [TS]

  super anxious that someone in the [TS]

  audience was gonna blame him for syncing [TS]

  up about it and I was like is that not a [TS]

  point of personal pride for all men if [TS]

  it well if it had been me [TS]

  yeah I would have done a little [TS]

  differently but if that had been me I [TS]

  would have been out front and fucking [TS]

  brochures and offering that like take my [TS]

  picture like this is this is bad this [TS]

  boat has flipped in here like something [TS]

  terrible and unnatural has happened in [TS]

  here right before we took the stage I [TS]

  felt like there was a distinct [TS]

  possibility that i would be crop dusting [TS]

  the show the entire time but since I've [TS]

  been sitting here I've been a complete [TS]

  person and I haven't lost any nothing's [TS]

  good nothing's gonna put some coffee in [TS]

  and yeah things going out so I'm good so [TS]

  I feel like I'm only good i'm only [TS]

  growing you wanna give people an [TS]

  opportunity we got a few minutes right [TS]

  people the opportunity to say things you [TS]

  could visit with them they can talk with [TS]

  you which is that is that something that [TS]

  you would like like when people in the [TS]

  audience is you haven't come up to that [TS]

  those of you who have been listening [TS]

  this program for a long time and I've [TS]

  had very little opportunity to [TS]

  contribute your own that is by design [TS]

  and unfortunately in this setting only [TS]

  the boldest are going to risk doing this [TS]

  and that bodes ill yeah [TS]

  oh you're right right only the whole we [TS]

  should have combined people yeah and so [TS]

  they're usually like having having hello [TS]

  mrs. easy dr. Roderick the pair o [TS]

  without deference and respect but yeah [TS]

  baby why don't we try we try to call up [TS]

  by Jason thing first no no okay Jason is [TS]

  in the audience that at least he was [TS]

  here Jason [TS]

  haha do you want to do you want to you [TS]

  you said before the show that you [TS]

  thought you might have called the show [TS]

  in some way [TS]

  alright okay thanks Jason [TS]

  oh thanks man thanks Ted what would you [TS]

  invest in the program all that is wow [TS]

  you know what I'm just glad i have room [TS]

  to grow [TS]

  haha you know Merlin Merlin sometimes to [TS]

  adopt a supporting role and other times [TS]

  he's more of a you know more of a leader [TS]

  in a challenge thank you John [TS]

  yeah haha let's take let's take some [TS]

  questions what do you think i would say [TS]

  anything questions for John and [TS]

  gentlemen when the teacher I know I know [TS]

  Matt's here have a lot of questions so [TS]

  I'm not gonna walk out you don't pretend [TS]

  they come on up come on [TS]

  I what's your name I've been everybody [TS]

  going down i have a question when you [TS]

  were at sea for a couple years ago you [TS]

  mentioned having some sort of bizarre [TS]

  acupuncture experience oh yes [TS]

  yeah by your hair I recognize you as an [TS]

  actual computer acupuncture extra [TS]

  puncture Asher Astrakhan surest so it's [TS]

  actually I was wondering if you had any [TS]

  other similar experiences you talk about [TS]

  spiritual experience [TS]

  maybe but they might be drug-related [TS]

  physio spiritual drug experiences you [TS]

  can Co pseudo struck spiritual drug [TS]

  spirituals I've had or are you know a [TS]

  key and needles or direct to write [TS]

  oh wait a minute hold on that's a great [TS]

  question how do you want to follow up [TS]

  uh-hum I yeah I had a lot of i have i've [TS]

  had a lot of spiritual experiences on [TS]

  drugs [TS]

  you said to recap here you went to an [TS]

  acupuncturist and you have a somewhat [TS]

  surprising experience you kind of [TS]

  blacked out well but I wasn't wait for [TS]

  those conscious the entire time has [TS]

  anyone here have ever had surgery where [TS]

  they anesthetize you but you are awake [TS]

  through the whole process right there's [TS]

  something that couple people it was like [TS]

  that except i thought it was just [TS]

  needles put into my toes or whatever and [TS]

  I was gone I was I was I could feel all [TS]

  of the I could feel my circulatory [TS]

  system [TS]

  I could feel it and I was into it it [TS]

  wasn't a bad feeling i could feel all [TS]

  this cool stuff circulating around I [TS]

  could I could perceive all of my [TS]

  capillary [TS]

  and then I was like and then she started [TS]

  taking the needles out and I was like [TS]

  don't don't stop don't know I want to [TS]

  keep doing this and she was like you've [TS]

  been sitting there for an hour and a [TS]

  half on time but mobile that's so insane [TS]

  yeah and I felt like I'd been there to [TS]

  like three minutes so you have any more [TS]

  of this I never went back because [TS]

  acupuncture easier quack [TS]

  that's bullshit bullshit anybody else [TS]

  wanna come up in you're gonna regret it [TS]

  if you don't come up i will call you up [TS]

  my name right here comes somebody [TS]

  somebody the island maybe that's [TS]

  emotional look at this handsome guy [TS]

  yeah there you go either i'm so so okay [TS]

  alright nerd so you guys talk about how [TS]

  you've helped us all what's the best way [TS]

  that we can help you directly [TS]

  mmm best way that you can help us haha i [TS]

  guess just keep that mouth shut with [TS]

  people that's it just keep that if you [TS]

  got a good point keep it to yourself [TS]

  would be a huge one right well I just I [TS]

  just probably not a good point i do feel [TS]

  that there is a moment when we will be [TS]

  called to action and I don't know when I [TS]

  you know I saying like existential [TS]

  volunteer fireman [TS]

  yeah I feel like I feel like you will if [TS]

  you have been following this program [TS]

  long enough you will recognize the bat [TS]

  signal when you see it [TS]

  yeah it's going to be a bad it's not [TS]

  gonna be a signal yet no one else will [TS]

  recognize it but you will know that that [TS]

  is the moment got a dog whistle [TS]

  there's gonna be something that happens [TS]

  you're gonna go women that's not right [TS]

  and we gonna know it's time to go [TS]

  yes time and so in advance of that I [TS]

  don't want to squander our relationship [TS]

  by asking you for some piddly you know [TS]

  field here or have them be closer to us [TS]

  we don't want that although although we [TS]

  have decided tonight [TS]

  yeah to make a lottery online as [TS]

  insurance available and announced we got [TS]

  a t-shirt [TS]

  and i'm not even going to how this [TS]

  happened in a day go to / [TS]

  supertrain shirt you have two weeks to [TS]

  buy the supertrain yes no no it wasn't [TS]

  his it wasn't his it was there they were [TS]

  finally releasing the clinch tension [TS]

  that they've been holding the only three [TS]

  years there was was the whoosh other [TS]

  Windows Phone coming out of the holster [TS]

  finally my Claymore so yeah Billy / [TS]

  supertrain shirt yeah and so that's a [TS]

  shirt that way that were there the first [TS]

  mention of it that's ever happened so [TS]

  it's very lonely been holding under [TS]

  embargo all day so please buy it you [TS]

  know or make somebody else finds well [TS]

  that's something you can that's a way [TS]

  you know we could do we could use any [TS]

  kind of wearable wearable technology we [TS]

  get that we have to do this after market [TS]

  so something into it so they'll really [TS]

  know when we need them like when the [TS]

  time comes like one of those buzzers you [TS]

  get at TGI Fridays that tells you your [TS]

  tables ready to me my life behind me are [TS]

  my life my have such mixed emotions when [TS]

  that thing goes off I feel like why [TS]

  aren't the why don't we so those into [TS]

  underwear that would be and it and then [TS]

  just be in a central location and just [TS]

  set them off periodically it's like [TS]

  randomly like everyone in America right [TS]

  now you're gladiolus coming war anything [TS]

  I mean John needs me know like now it's [TS]

  really gotta go [TS]

  wow I have such mixed emotions i get [TS]

  that at the bigger the westwood yeah you [TS]

  go and you get your tri-tip and they [TS]

  tell your tri-tip is ready and the one [TS]

  hand was so excited because I feel like [TS]

  I really won the thing goes off will [TS]

  well like outback steak alice is ready [TS]

  to accept your money [TS]

  don't like hey I get to go but my [TS]

  dignity is just well and also I mean [TS]

  using the using the Merlin Mann TV [TS]

  remote theorem [TS]

  yeah you can guarantee they're not [TS]

  wiping those things down Oh doctor right [TS]

  they just stick them right back in the [TS]

  pile what you think happens after hours [TS]

  there [TS]

  I bet they have funny games they played [TS]

  because they do what they do [TS]

  ok you want to see what's really out [TS]

  back but one in every pocket set of [TS]

  rules just right all right any other [TS]

  question man can fit one of those videos [TS]

  dream makers but one all the way up [TS]

  right now I know guys were yelling good [TS]

  one really is that right [TS]

  anybody else coming up yeah hello how [TS]

  are you good now among many many [TS]

  inspiring moments into the mic in the [TS]

  microwave that many inspiring moments on [TS]

  the podcast obviously there was a really [TS]

  great one fairly early on where you [TS]

  talked about sitting inside your [TS]

  sicknesses are you Canadian I'll just go [TS]

  just go no no it's all right you're [TS]

  welcome [TS]

  yes it's all right he's from ontario [TS]

  yeah i'm not one of those and that's the [TS]

  new young province go ahead got it [TS]

  really is i'm a note so I just that that [TS]

  was a really impactful moment for me and [TS]

  I thought for any parents for any [TS]

  potential parents and how would you go [TS]

  about talking to your kids about those [TS]

  moments in your life these spiritual [TS]

  moments that we talked about earlier or [TS]

  the moments where you have changed your [TS]

  life significantly [TS]

  oh it was the sitting inside your [TS]

  sickness as you know getting sober or [TS]

  changing who you are you know it is a [TS]

  good question is not a funny question no [TS]

  good job man that's a really good [TS]

  question because it's impossible to [TS]

  explain to a fucking kid [TS]

  yeah but there but there is a there is a [TS]

  there is a thing that we all need to [TS]

  understand which is that suffering isn't [TS]

  bad and and I try me i try to I try to [TS]

  live that expired try to live that in [TS]

  front of my daughter right that [TS]

  suffering is not necessary [TS]

  verily punishment and I think the idea [TS]

  that suffering is punishment is this [TS]

  judeo-christian concept that we all [TS]

  carry around with us and every time we [TS]

  are asked to suffer even a little bit [TS]

  more like why am I being punished and so [TS]

  one of the things i do with my kid is [TS]

  that you know the only punishment she [TS]

  ever really receives beyond being asked [TS]

  to listen to me tell her stories which [TS]

  is sort of a life punishment that table [TS]

  stakes right and that's the idea but [TS]

  there's a chair that she has to [TS]

  sometimes sit in and have it take a [TS]

  break in and a lot of things will result [TS]

  in 15 minutes of sitting in the chair [TS]

  and but from the very beginning there [TS]

  were also times when we would just sit [TS]

  in the chair wasn't like stigmatized it [TS]

  wasn't like now you're going in the [TS]

  chair but it was like you know what [TS]

  let's go sit in the chair for 15 minutes [TS]

  and she would sit in the chair and I [TS]

  would sit with her and there are rules [TS]

  about what you talk about when you're [TS]

  sitting in the chair you can't just free [TS]

  associate you're talking about [TS]

  there's these rules the gym yeah there's [TS]

  no you know if you hit you [TS]

  we can talk while we're sitting in our [TS]

  in our chairs we're talking about like [TS]

  wow we're feeling why our feelings kind [TS]

  of brought us to this moment and when [TS]

  something's going haywire [TS]

  it's like okay we need to go sit in the [TS]

  chair and figure out why things are [TS]

  going haywire and we'll talk about our [TS]

  feelings but there are other times when [TS]

  we just sit in the chair and talk about [TS]

  our feelings and she's so she doesn't [TS]

  feel that the chair is exactly a [TS]

  punishment [TS]

  it is just a thing and it is uncommon [TS]

  butter bowl compared to you know like [TS]

  throwing my little ponies around or [TS]

  whatever it is that what she was doing [TS]

  before but it is just uncomfortable in [TS]

  the way that everything in life is kind [TS]

  of uncomfortable right so that I mean [TS]

  that's a thing that I that I try to [TS]

  remind myself whenever I feel that my [TS]

  discomfort as punishment is just that a [TS]

  it's just too [TS]

  Comfort doesn't happen there's nothing [TS]

  attached to it that's that's hard to [TS]

  pull off I always area that the hardest [TS]

  part for me is taking emotion out of it [TS]

  because usually right at the point when [TS]

  as an empirical you know we're defending [TS]

  this I can tell the things are going off [TS]

  the rails [TS]

  i'm also really fucking pissed and I [TS]

  find those very hard to separate it [TS]

  would be something where it's like you [TS]

  know it's kind of louis ck thinking like [TS]

  well the reason you can't have it is [TS]

  because you wanted like that's that it's [TS]

  really important that you not have this [TS]

  thing that you want for a while so first [TS]

  there's no crying teeth during TV you [TS]

  don't you can't cry during TV you can't [TS]

  cry about TV [TS]

  you can't cry in reference to TV and TV [TS]

  will never in a hundred and fifty [TS]

  million fuckin years ever be provided as [TS]

  a way to get you to stop crying because [TS]

  I'm not stupid and so then that will [TS]

  become so when you're done crying we can [TS]

  watch project runway because i really [TS]

  want to watch project runway the [TS]

  goodwill hell yeah okay you're crying [TS]

  about TV so now it's kinda be when you [TS]

  stop crying [TS]

  plus five minutes yeah I want you to [TS]

  think about that was thinking about how [TS]

  much longer you want to cry because they [TS]

  were adding five minutes under that want [TS]

  to make it 15 [TS]

  oh that I that dries up the waterworks [TS]

  real quick that's also something that I [TS]

  do at any any time based timeout it's a [TS]

  game kids love games but the time time [TS]

  out anytime based timeout starts when [TS]

  the crying stopped [TS]

  oh that is so important nobody does 15 [TS]

  minutes of time out there is whatever [TS]

  there's no time served around where [TS]

  they're crying for 13 minutes and then [TS]

  they do two minutes in the chair it's [TS]

  like now the chair begins when you are [TS]

  like ready when you are ready to be in [TS]

  the chair then you begin to be in the [TS]

  chair i should explain the why also [TS]

  dress up like cardinal richelieu when I [TS]

  do this so it's and it's probably have a [TS]

  riding crop and it's probably a little [TS]

  weird i gotta have with handle i'm [TS]

  usually dressed as Graham Chapman in his [TS]

  like officials military guy with no [TS]

  pants [TS]

  mustache had no pants and socks garden [TS]

  that's a smartlock yeah well it sure [TS]

  keeps the door-to-door salesman at bay [TS]

  probably gonna be oh you believe it's [TS]

  927 already 927 how do you feel about [TS]

  this live show but the presence of an [TS]

  audience definitely inhibited me from [TS]

  talking about Hitler too much really [TS]

  I was just worried about Africa but like [TS]

  you took off Hitler to know you're very [TS]

  worried about Africa where a lot of ways [TS]

  it could go wrong [TS]

  I no no I just I i feel like i feel like [TS]

  i have a different relationship with the [TS]

  live audience because I that's where [TS]

  I've spent most of my career right in [TS]

  front of the room full of people can see [TS]

  and it that I can't see and then I don't [TS]

  want to see and I'd usually don't and [TS]

  let them ask questions but but our [TS]

  podcast is a is this other animal where [TS]

  I'm sitting in a room often without any [TS]

  coffee and wrapped in a robe and I'm [TS]

  just talking into a box and on the other [TS]

  side of the box hasn't avoid the voice [TS]

  of Merlin name [TS]

  yeah but more than anything I have ever [TS]

  done [TS]

  I cannot tell you how many people say [TS]

  they listen to the show but they'd [TS]

  scream back at the show more than [TS]

  anything else that they listened to [TS]

  because anybody yell back at the show [TS]

  when they listen [TS]

  really that's it CII what did possibly [TS]

  have to yell at the show [TS]

  and other than yes i agree directions [TS]

  clarification yes completely right again [TS]

  how do you get on this right so often [TS]

  John Comstock home side it's a gift [TS]

  are there any last questions yeah we [TS]

  gotta move on to just got another show [TS]

  where you going after this I'm going [TS]

  over to cobbs comedy club to play [TS]

  oh wait here there's a woman in ahead [TS]

  and the do-rag okay here we go [TS]

  he's going to who has a question has [TS]

  karaoke club he go [TS]

  um well first of all I just wanted to [TS]

  thank you guys for like being just [TS]

  slightly younger than me so like I [TS]

  actually get all your references which [TS]

  is it most podcast like to thank you for [TS]

  being slightly older than yeah and also [TS]

  on when supertrain does happen i am [TS]

  actually an electrician so see if you [TS]

  actually if you have skills like this [TS]

  then that gives you it does give you a [TS]

  leg up into um but you'll be in the back [TS]

  of the Train of course it's fine I don't [TS]

  care it's totally fine [TS]

  it's totally fun but I had a question [TS]

  but i forgot what it was really anyone [TS]

  yet haha that was to work that was done [TS]

  was terrific we were gonna need that [TS]

  John we should get what get her one of [TS]

  those Outback Steakhouse buzzers for her [TS]

  but so and she'll know when it's time to [TS]

  really be okay and if it breaks you can [TS]

  fix it cuz because electrician one you [TS]

  can show [TS]

  shut the grid down the grid alright well [TS]

  there's one minute left [TS]

  is it really waiting wondering up [TS]

  somebody's coming to the aisle [TS]

  uh-huh again after one more [TS]

  so real quick thank you you're welcome [TS]

  I'm nice van Halen one shirt [TS]

  mhm so have the two of you ever [TS]

  considered separately or together some [TS]

  kind of hand man related music project [TS]

  org and also could you inhibit that [TS]

  persona like genuinely like ironically [TS]

  inhabit or inhibit because i'm calling [TS]

  not inhibit any of them constantly [TS]

  inhibiting that persona like I came out [TS]

  inhabit because i am not a pan man but [TS]

  there's one right next to me [TS]

  Thank You excellent question i don't [TS]

  have your answer haha oh yes I could [TS]

  inhabit this shit out of that no [TS]

  question about it you gotta tell you I [TS]

  think the the inertia for me is really [TS]

  toward pan man yeah I mean I'm kind of [TS]

  from florida and i'm kinda from Ohio [TS]

  yeah so like for me that's like it'sit's [TS]

  like spitting or like you know yelling [TS]

  at people [TS]

  one of the things I realized about pan [TS]

  here and man based music is that pan [TS]

  music is not afraid of [TS]

  chicka-chicka guitar right like a rock [TS]

  and roll hoochie could like any kind of [TS]

  pan music is gonna have a think didn't [TS]

  think to continually to guitar happening [TS]

  to forbidden bunk don't [TS]

  hey your rock star get your game on two [TS]

  day compared that's all every if you [TS]

  think about it all panned music [TS]

  including van Halen has a little bit of [TS]

  like need to continually maid to clean [TS]

  and that is a crime against humanity and [TS]

  I can I can't embrace it but you like [TS]

  Sloan and there's plenty of that I mean [TS]

  that's like Canadian Pan man anyway I [TS]

  think there's a lot of ways [TS]

  oh it's nine-thirty we have to be show [TS]

  has to be over up [TS]

  everybody [TS]

  [Applause] [TS]