Roderick on the Line

Ep. 148: "Can't Find the Starch"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by cards against humanity this [TS]

  month they ask marion call to help me [TS]

  say hi to john it's rather a quarter of [TS]

  aquatic time John Ryder time [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  it's Roderick Roderick Roderick time [TS]

  John Roderick time wow what a good theme [TS]

  that's a cover [TS]

  Oh of cover-up on pepper [TS]

  mm kind of its Marion call primary [TS]

  oncall and she does the i'm getting [TS]

  inside the looking glass here that's the [TS]

  segment she greets you this week with [TS]

  that you don't know yet because this [TS]

  episode doesn't exist yet know what [TS]

  don't you are doing it again [TS]

  yeah do it again I can't do the [TS]

  harmonies it's Roderick Roderick [TS]

  Roderick time John Roderick time [TS]

  Wow five seconds long Aryan call Marion [TS]

  call we've got some good ones I don't [TS]

  listen to the program but but you know [TS]

  one of our sponsors Commission someone [TS]

  to greet you on the episodes is the show [TS]

  you do with me is that subtle yeah yeah [TS]

  how many many men in San Francisco a few [TS]

  years ago hi how many out many of these [TS]

  of there been more than one [TS]

  yeah we had that boy we've had the [TS]

  double clicks we've had we've had many [TS]

  mia popular artists we have only Lewis [TS]

  to the first one she did a bang-up job [TS]

  you're kidding [TS]

  yeah you your computer by Apple mm Wow [TS]

  I'd love to get all of these on a on a [TS]

  like a CD or you want me to make a USB [TS]

  Drive Johnny but you know could you make [TS]

  it could you put it on a cassette I can [TS]

  bitcoin that to your cassette yeah sure [TS]

  that you would use include for that [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  the glow got it huh [TS]

  I just just hooked up my thermostat and [TS]

  my garage door opener to the clothes and [TS]

  every time it gets below 84 degrees in [TS]

  my kitchen my garage door Oberg goes off [TS]

  in a rush place to be from in the name [TS]

  of love by the Thompson Twins done and [TS]

  wow I think listening to the Thompson [TS]

  Twins a lot lately on vinyl and I don't [TS]

  know a lot of that is really inexcusable [TS]

  arm [TS]

  mmm i was fan yeah yeah i was a fan too [TS]

  and am still but there is there's some [TS]

  inexcusable [TS]

  I i I'm machines in particular there are [TS]

  so many fusible drum machine [TS]

  yeah and i think they really need to [TS]

  give a lot of something to do sometimes [TS]

  they gave her the area that Davy Jones [TS]

  problem you know where they had to give [TS]

  her something to and that she wasn't [TS]

  contributing well they gave her that [TS]

  they gave her that have to wear [TS]

  yeah she had the funny haircut yeah that [TS]

  was like two peoples job well that's a [TS]

  good point and then there was the other [TS]

  guy you got the other guy he played [TS]

  keyboards we got the main guy you got [TS]

  Alana and then you get the other guy [TS]

  right and I the main guy [TS]

  oh when I was Jane Wiedlin right is that [TS]

  right with his name Tom Baker was a [TS]

  doctor who [TS]

  what was that guy's name Tom Tom Tom and [TS]

  Tom cotton tom poston Babbitt Bombadil [TS]

  Babbitt postage Bombadil how you made it [TS]

  with him a hobbit joke haha but yeah I [TS]

  think didn't they write our lips are [TS]

  sealed together [TS]

  oh I know that was originally a fun boy [TS]

  three song [TS]

  yeah which is a good version as well was [TS]

  the same guy right [TS]

  I see and I got to go to the Internet [TS]

  our lips are sealed that is a really [TS]

  good i had the fun boy three version on [TS]

  a US my Charlie it wasn't originally a [TS]

  fun 13 version that they believe they [TS]

  wrote that song together and it was that [TS]

  they were they they came out [TS]

  simultaneously writer they were they [TS]

  were they wrote it too [TS]

  you know I wasn't there so it's a [TS]

  written by Jane Wiedlin yeah-hoo-hoo of [TS]

  whom we are both hands i believe and the [TS]

  special the guy from the specials all I [TS]

  always get that confused Harry hall [TS]

  he's a white fellow right yeah the fun [TS]

  boy three guy was in the specials not [TS]

  the fun boy three guy was in the [TS]

  Thompson Twins pom-pom and i always i [TS]

  had that problem even then I know I know [TS]

  it's hard to keep up you're not reading [TS]

  any every week boom every enemy when i [TS]

  worked at steves Broadway news i would [TS]

  read an enemy and any other right mr. my [TS]

  presented me and then what's the other [TS]

  big one melody maker and like it was a [TS]

  perfect example of how the UK exist in a [TS]

  mirror universe because I would read it [TS]

  and I would know the names of the [TS]

  artists but I couldn't understand a word [TS]

  anyone was saying or I didn't understand [TS]

  the sense of humor especially is very [TS]

  different from us magazines [TS]

  yeah so different and so willing to I [TS]

  mean so excited when they were excited [TS]

  and then two weeks later so dismissive [TS]

  when they're dismissive i remember in [TS]

  particular i remember buying a copy [TS]

  around the time that I was I was getting [TS]

  into you two more like an 84-82 I guess [TS]

  84 83 84 anyway but the waterboys were [TS]

  opening up for them and they love the [TS]

  waterboys but they just did not have [TS]

  enough terrible things to say about you [TS]

  too poor you too [TS]

  yeah you know when they came out with [TS]

  boy who nobody had a bad thing to say [TS]

  about him everybody loved him to rock [TS]

  and roll album but then it went straight [TS]

  to once you started waving flags [TS]

  yeah I think you should not be a shirt [TS]

  off at red rocks i think that was [TS]

  problematic as they say he should or [TS]

  shouldn't do see I would leave the shirt [TS]

  on [TS]

  he had a handsome you to of memory [TS]

  serves he had a war two or t-shirt [TS]

  mmm yeah I'm not afraid to wear his own [TS]

  shirt on stage in either wearing rock on [TS]

  the line now Hoodie a lot of you I've [TS]

  been so that guy for two weeks it's very [TS]

  comfy i like it but by the way we sold [TS]

  shirts a while back just so you know I [TS]

  don't have one was I supposed to get one [TS]

  ya you gonna pay for with money like a [TS]

  gentleman OIC uh-huh [TS]

  you know I've been living in a swag [TS]

  economy for so long it just when PR tote [TS]

  bags and don't even remember [TS]

  members mandolins hats but i don't [TS]

  remember what it was like to go buy a [TS]

  thing [TS]

  uh oh right yeah I just walk around and [TS]

  like people run up to me and hand me [TS]

  gift bags [TS]

  yeah i-i've gotten stuff like that can't [TS]

  last forever [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah I I still well it's not [TS]

  important but it sounds it can be very [TS]

  frustrating that's a good song on I [TS]

  wonder what I'm sorry general but I was [TS]

  trying to get a picture of mental [TS]

  picture of bono a young bar now with his [TS]

  shirt off at red rocks i might be [TS]

  misremembering I seem to remember [TS]

  there's the video for new years day was [TS]

  the one that got a lot of play I was a [TS]

  bigger fan of songs that nobody sunday [TS]

  the desk the desk drums one of the [TS]

  restaurant didn't sunday bloody sunday [TS]

  was the one where yes anybody somebody [TS]

  got a lot of play tonight but there's [TS]

  even one video of the from red rocks [TS]

  that i remember getting play i think was [TS]

  new years day I think he might be [TS]

  shirtless I think he climbs something [TS]

  yeah yeah there was a lot of that that [TS]

  was like i'm gonna go ahead and risked a [TS]

  lot here by saying I'm google for Bono [TS]

  shirtless [TS]

  oh my god you're going to go right into [TS]

  the like oh like a fanfic parallel [TS]

  universe talking about parallel you know [TS]

  my goodness oh my goodness me what [TS]

  well and some of them yeah there's a [TS]

  picture of him like from six months ago [TS]

  in a Russian bath [TS]

  there's a shot at him I kind of milling [TS]

  around in some not dick Nixon shorts [TS]

  like hanging out at the beach [TS]

  ms you're being photographed at the [TS]

  beach John by a paparazzi ever had that [TS]

  happen [TS]

  let's see that that there's one time I [TS]

  was photographed by paparazzi i was i [TS]

  was staying at the Chateau Marmont in [TS]

  los angeles california and we were doing [TS]

  a weird making a pilot of a television [TS]

  show and one of our guests was a French [TS]

  chanteuse who was a you know a woman in [TS]

  her early twenties from France from [TS]

  France she was brunch and a and a great [TS]

  singer songwriter and it was one of [TS]

  those things are a lot of your making a [TS]

  television show a lot of people TV [TS]

  cameras [TS]

  people with the headset microphones [TS]

  walking around and she and i sat down on [TS]

  the couch sort of after her segment we [TS]

  started talking we became oh we became [TS]

  fast friends we were we had an immediate [TS]

  robbed or if you will [TS]

  Oh Nancy up all rapprochement and so we [TS]

  don't approach me although we had never [TS]

  had a add a new approach never had a [TS]

  care with a recoger so there was no need [TS]

  for a promotion all but um so the [TS]

  evening wore on and then it was late and [TS]

  and she was like I'm afraid that must [TS]

  bid you adieu and i said uh I'll ah alas [TS]

  i will walk you to the car and she was [TS]

  like I have a girl coming it and so I we [TS]

  went down together in the elevator and [TS]

  we walked out of the front of the [TS]

  chateau marmont and it's kind of a [TS]

  straight you know that the that the [TS]

  ingress and egress of that hotel is very [TS]

  strange they changed it at some point [TS]

  and now you kind of leave through a [TS]

  basement a driveway kind of thing and we [TS]

  walk down together and I'm i'm putting [TS]

  her in a town car and we get to the end [TS]

  of the drive and she says it has been [TS]

  such a pleasure to the to get to know [TS]

  your sister Nikki beat and I was like [TS]

  the pleasure has been all mine [TS]

  Mademoiselle and she presents herself [TS]

  for a euro style but you know the kiss [TS]

  and then the other kiss and then the [TS]

  third kiss right the boom boom boom the [TS]

  three Christmas lacroix that's why as [TS]

  they say and Eileen in a at and give her [TS]

  the first of what will be three kisses [TS]

  and all of a sudden it's like it's like [TS]

  the psalm always just lit up pop out [TS]

  flash bulbs from everywhere and I had I [TS]

  had a second before been convinced that [TS]

  we were alone [TS]

  that's so creepy right we were just [TS]

  standing there the car was there it was [TS]

  like oh you know fair and we were [TS]

  talking to each other kind of software [TS]

  like very well this has been one of [TS]

  those meetings [TS]

  one of those meetings in life where you [TS]

  just encounter someone in the afternoon [TS]

  and by the end by the end of the day you [TS]

  know that you have you have you really [TS]

  lived you know you know yahoo you really [TS]

  leave the kind of charming only these [TS]

  few hours we have really lived and then [TS]

  pop out and we both are like like a [TS]

  startled and terrified and we turn and [TS]

  the bushes are full of photographers ish [TS]

  because i think the Olsen twins were in [TS]

  the shadow or maybe it was I think the [TS]

  Olsen twins were there at but then I [TS]

  think there might also have been another [TS]

  like that there was probably a rat king [TS]

  of celebrities because it was a Saturday [TS]

  night I was a rat king of celebrity [TS]

  that's the new collective in the lobby [TS]

  with a worker you know they were all [TS]

  like doing cocaine and playing piano and [TS]

  simple and so these photographers had no [TS]

  idea who we were but because we looked [TS]

  chic and because we were behaving in a [TS]

  chic fashion and they may have her over [TS]

  her French accent they were like these [TS]

  people must be we'd better with we'd [TS]

  better get this for safety right here [TS]

  there [TS]

  I mean you get the coverage the top [TS]

  towel and I was I mean I went into like [TS]

  a combat Crouch is your training i think [TS]

  is very I pulled out my Marine Corps [TS]

  survival knife i hustled her into the [TS]

  car history as a human shield but no no [TS]

  I stood between her and the and the zoo [TS]

  gunfire hustled into the car we pounded [TS]

  on the trunk go God me and I collected [TS]

  for scalps but it was it was I had a [TS]

  sense just a momentary sense of what a [TS]

  nightmare [TS]

  it must be to try to just be a just [TS]

  leave the Rat King for a second as a [TS]

  celebrity and walk outside for a [TS]

  cigarette be to put french girl in a car [TS]

  who see to run across the street for a [TS]

  pack of cigarettes [TS]

  tonight I guess they have people for [TS]

  that but it was blue boy [TS]

  holy cats I would not want it [TS]

  no way no that would you know you that [TS]

  would intrude on something very that [TS]

  would intrude on something about you [TS]

  that you do not want to intrude upon I [TS]

  think you're probably right [TS]

  um yeah I i I'm yeah well we've covered [TS]

  this I I'm a very social person but I [TS]

  wouldn't want to be you know fastball [TS]

  popped at the Mormont no no I you know [TS]

  all those other shots of celebrities [TS]

  where they're like winding up to punch a [TS]

  photographer [TS]

  yeah and the photographer gets that that [TS]

  classic shot of you know Sean Penn with [TS]

  this [TS]

  yeah with his shirt off and his fist up [TS]

  in the air that the the celebs in [TS]

  question never look good in those shots [TS]

  but you can you can kind of empathize [TS]

  with well it helps when you see video of [TS]

  that because when you see how you know [TS]

  the word how aggressive multiple people [TS]

  are being they are in there in your face [TS]

  they're following you they are running [TS]

  after you they are provoking the subject [TS]

  you know and I mean it's the the bigger [TS]

  you get the more you're supposed to just [TS]

  think that that's okay i guess i I'm [TS]

  totally sympathetic to punch in some of [TS]

  those guys [TS]

  it is a poor vocation november two [TS]

  thousand uh mary-kate and Ashley Olsen [TS]

  released a film called our lips are [TS]

  sealed [TS]

  Oh without em all connected [TS]

  there it is that it is all connected i [TS]

  sat in the lobby of that hotel one time [TS]

  when mary-kate and Ashley were there and [TS]

  boy was a real eye-opener a particularly [TS]

  an eye-opener to the effect of how [TS]

  boring it is to be a young celebrity em [TS]

  but anytime you're the biggest celebrity [TS]

  you become the more you just spent a lot [TS]

  of time waiting to do something right [TS]

  yeah yeah we're or I'd in this case it [TS]

  was the old thing you know they're still [TS]

  young people writing and so instead of [TS]

  sitting in the basement in the [TS]

  non-alcohol serving basement of a [TS]

  college [TS]

  like the non-alcohol serving a basement [TS]

  club in a college dorm trying to pretend [TS]

  that they're having a really good time [TS]

  they were in extremely glamorous hotel [TS]

  and people were giving them every single [TS]

  kind of intoxication that they could [TS]

  possibly want and yet they were still [TS]

  just young people pretending that [TS]

  they're having a really good time [TS]

  yeah because they know people are [TS]

  watching them and they don't want to [TS]

  seem like they're not having fun right [TS]

  so there's all that like just did just [TS]

  the normal stuff the forced laughter the [TS]

  like the other the the young men that [TS]

  are around them have a possible for them [TS]

  to have anything like a normal [TS]

  conversation with anybody that's their [TS]

  age or younger in particular right i [TS]

  mean they could talk to somebody who's [TS]

  60 and might not know who they are you [TS]

  know they're 27 now according to [TS]

  wikipedia to might be true and i must be [TS]

  there born in 1987 they could be my kids [TS]

  Wow but the socks i have on right now [TS]

  are 27 mm that's how you get the good [TS]

  ones you got your vintage about Sox's [TS]

  some of them some of them blow out right [TS]

  away [TS]

  yep some of them are there for the [TS]

  duration only one kind of stock and then [TS]

  I just keep replenishing them and when [TS]

  they get dirty and throw him out but i [TS]

  only wear one kind of stock to tell me [TS]

  what it is I don't get too personal but [TS]

  I wear the white crew goldtoes where [TS]

  goldtail and I'll get the gold doesn't [TS]

  get any socks before I think you know [TS]

  you have a couple of pairs of your [TS]

  goldtoes i usually have a pretty good [TS]

  supply on hand and when they've all been [TS]

  washed after purchase it's pretty quick [TS]

  because it fills an entire drawer but [TS]

  you know and again this is the kind of [TS]

  thing I don't have to think about but [TS]

  but Jesse Thorne who is gonna is gonna [TS]

  ask I'm gonna start going to do a [TS]

  stand-in here for Jesse thorn st thorn [TS]

  is going and I don't do a good Jessie [TS]

  third impression but if you can just [TS]

  picture me i'm i'm wearing a morning [TS]

  like a country gentleman outfit have [TS]

  jodhpurs on i personally that I picture [TS]

  him dressed as the Blue Boy from the [TS]

  painting haha alright let's go that [TS]

  direction so I'm dressed little progress [TS]

  does the Blue Boy right i have one hand [TS]

  jauntily akaki provide your head you can [TS]

  provide holder your cravat holder case [TS]

  there might be a couple of irish [TS]

  wolfhound standing in the [TS]

  behind me and I'm gonna say do you [TS]

  really only have white sox hmm see the [TS]

  thing is just he's got kids now so I [TS]

  mean you know this is you did your child [TS]

  ever see I don't say too much as your [TS]

  child or socks [TS]

  yes okay so we know we've done the fun [TS]

  thing and bought her different pairs of [TS]

  socks but i have officially reached the [TS]

  end of my fucking rope with the socks [TS]

  because we literally have one of like 14 [TS]

  different pairs of socks and i said to [TS]

  my wife the other day we need to get [TS]

  this kid on the Gold Toe program we need [TS]

  to get her something like a generic you [TS]

  know lo not not like that but like a ped [TS]

  like not like the little little ones [TS]

  because they're annoying you can't run [TS]

  around they begin your shoe but we need [TS]

  to get her one kind of stock and just [TS]

  once a month have amazon just give us [TS]

  like 60 pairs of socks huh like but like [TS]

  one pink hello kitty one blue captain [TS]

  america like we got all these great [TS]

  single socks and that's all we've got [TS]

  do you run into this well so we have [TS]

  back in the back when we were just [TS]

  beginning our child-rearing a journey a [TS]

  journey we call ya the journey we were [TS]

  we were very strongly influenced by my [TS]

  friend david bazan and his wife who have [TS]

  a very excellent parenting style that [TS]

  Brooks no baloney from the from the the [TS]

  youngsters right as it happens dad only [TS]

  wears one thing well and dad that's [TS]

  right dad has one outfit right his red [TS]

  sweatshirt red hoodie sweatshirt black [TS]

  t-shirt jeans and he solved that problem [TS]

  for himself here many years ago but his [TS]

  wife had this this whole policy of like [TS]

  one of the big problems with a with [TS]

  raising kids is that at a certain point [TS]

  they want to start dressing themselves [TS]

  and then every morning you sit around [TS]

  for 45 minutes while the kid rejects 25 [TS]

  different outfits and it always descends [TS]

  into a screaming nightmare match [TS]

  yeah so her plan which I thought was a [TS]

  genius plan was at the on sunday night [TS]

  they go and they put together a whole [TS]

  week's worth of outfits [TS]

  oh my god that's so smart shirt pants [TS]

  socks all the stuff and for they put [TS]

  together five different outfit all my [TS]

  God why did I do that then they put [TS]

  those outfits each one in a in a ziploc [TS]

  bag a big ziploc Oh lifehack this is [TS]

  gonna change everything fright and now [TS]

  wait [TS]

  ok the genius part every morning the kid [TS]

  gets to pick the outfit the illusion of [TS]

  choice [TS]

  thank you brilliant boom boom and the [TS]

  kid [TS]

  oh my and it's all are already in the [TS]

  bag you know you're not sitting there at [TS]

  seven forty-two in the morning i'm not [TS]

  gonna name any names but you're not [TS]

  sitting there 742 in the morning was [TS]

  pleased literally pick something to wear [TS]

  that's right that's right because the [TS]

  child has already participated in the [TS]

  picking of my god I sometime before so [TS]

  with their if they suddenly have a [TS]

  problem you're like you picked this boom [TS]

  you cannot argue this is the bag you [TS]

  picked and so pick whatever back right [TS]

  that's the back this is the bag and you [TS]

  open the bag and that's what you get [TS]

  don't be upset but how about the socks [TS]

  so and i have just entered into a new [TS]

  realm with our daughter and I know that [TS]

  on our last program i mentioned her name [TS]

  several times i would like to thank [TS]

  everyone who's concerned I was concerned [TS]

  about the privacy issues of you saying [TS]

  your daughter's name for time and then [TS]

  mentioned on the internet thank you for [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah I'd hate everyone for pointing that [TS]

  out i got i got 200 concern letters and [TS]

  I do appreciate it i have I tried for a [TS]

  long time not to do it and then and what [TS]

  was funny about that that tolerance i [TS]

  don't know how i spaced it well and the [TS]

  thing was halfway through that podcast i [TS]

  said to myself vice accidentally said [TS]

  her name at some point and the answer [TS]

  was no and so I was like oh good and I [TS]

  relaxed my vigilance and then proceeded [TS]

  to say her name four times yeah anyway [TS]

  cut all this out [TS]

  here's the here's the thing about our [TS]

  current situation [TS]

  our daughter is a is starting to pick [TS]

  her own clothes but she has decided she [TS]

  prefers mismatch socks 9-2 yeah so she [TS]

  wears she better learn to prefer it and [TS]

  she is one of each kind and it's this [TS]

  little you know when she gets to like [TS]

  letter freak flag fly in her shoes and [TS]

  you know like i am a person that likes [TS]

  to combine multiple patterns that are [TS]

  some better supposedly money [TS]

  defies genre is in a lot of what yeah [TS]

  and I think that's in her too but her [TS]

  mother is much more like wait a minute [TS]

  you can't go out of the house like that [TS]

  yeah but the mismatch sauce attractive [TS]

  people are like that attracted people [TS]

  are always trying to to change where the [TS]

  bar is it such a thing they get away [TS]

  with super frustrating but but she kept [TS]

  the baby can have whatever sakshi what's [TS]

  inside of her little beats so one of you [TS]

  know one of a Hello Kitty sock one sock [TS]

  that has balloons and cupcakes on it [TS]

  everybody's happy but I do feel like [TS]

  that that outfit in a bag thing that's a [TS]

  that could be a hack that starts [TS]

  tomorrow [TS]

  that's no there's no question and then [TS]

  is my wife right after this and say [TS]

  here's the plan this morning my daughter [TS]

  we had a nice morning now is finally [TS]

  feeling and his report on my own family [TS]

  my wife is finally over the flu after [TS]

  her two weeks with the flu she's feeling [TS]

  better [TS]

  we're just getting ready for school [TS]

  today my daughter my wife and directed [TS]

  the first part of the outfit she [TS]

  directed deep here's a cool dress that [TS]

  you like like it's a good dress you can [TS]

  move around in it [TS]

  22 that we're at so i think it was kind [TS]

  of a pinky dress but it was you know [TS]

  it's a cool kid dress you can run around [TS]

  in it to that we add some leggings that [TS]

  were a completely different color i [TS]

  think possibly striped she has a new set [TS]

  of vans lace-up vans they have a galaxy [TS]

  on them blue galaxy with stars like a [TS]

  milky way into that she came in with one [TS]

  of my belts and decided she was gonna [TS]

  wear that she's wearing like a like a [TS]

  man with a 34 inch waist belt and I [TS]

  punched a hole in it for so she could [TS]

  actually wear it to school and locate [TS]

  the sword looks really cool so she [TS]

  didn't wrap it around yourself twice [TS]

  it's just well my wife split by tucking [TS]

  in a little bit at the end but it was it [TS]

  was a sharp look with the shoes buddy [TS]

  galaxy shoes and entered a belt he could [TS]

  meet this kid is way ahead [TS]

  it's the stone super fashion mhm yeah [TS]

  cheese the back things going to change a [TS]

  lot for me now you know because we have [TS]

  never actually employed it it will find [TS]

  lots of those gallon-sized ziplock bags [TS]

  be perfect for that's what it's for [TS]

  right and it's just it's one it's one of [TS]

  several examples of how the bazan family [TS]

  has really they pioneered a lot of a lot [TS]

  of thought technologies that we have [TS]

  employed in the raising of our own child [TS]

  fleet if and when we don't cut this out [TS]

  but whenever [TS]

  if and when we do that special other [TS]

  project we're talking about doing we [TS]

  he's going to be involved [TS]

  laughing I think he has a lot to share [TS]

  with people he really does he's got a [TS]

  lot of the technologies that people [TS]

  don't get you know they don't even know [TS]

  because the thing is he's a songwriter [TS]

  right so he still wants he still [TS]

  believes in the power of song m1 like [TS]

  some of us who have abandoned the ship [TS]

  and David you still like songs but don't [TS]

  have the power [TS]

  I'm just like songs Dave Dave still [TS]

  believes that he can say everything he [TS]

  needs to say in his music but he has a [TS]

  lot to share that he would he would be [TS]

  able to share with his words [TS]

  ah if we can just get them to use this [TS]

  for you see here is part of the problem [TS]

  is most of the people who have a lot [TS]

  think they have a lot to share don't [TS]

  really actually have that much to share [TS]

  and in fact run out of ideas pretty [TS]

  quickly way to start tapping into the [TS]

  people who don't know how much they know [TS]

  and we need to drain that shit man we [TS]

  need to get the knowledge from the [TS]

  people who don't think the thought [TS]

  leaders that's without your knowledge [TS]

  resides you know did you know hutch [TS]

  Harris of the thermal understand easy [TS]

  easy young man from Portland Oregon feel [TS]

  like he has a lot to share actually [TS]

  touch and Kathy together they have it's [TS]

  like beans and rice they have the other [TS]

  have a full profile this whole protein [TS]

  yeah ted leo has a lot of information [TS]

  still think about ted leo [TS]

  yeah they could help people get totally [TS]

  on my mind man Ted Leo on my and Ted Leo [TS]

  I knew that guy would be smart i had no [TS]

  idea how smart he would be yeah you know [TS]

  he has a lot of eli has a lot of back [TS]

  catalogue did you notice I want to get [TS]

  back on the gravy thing but did you [TS]

  notice how I don't wanna you know again [TS]

  this is private celebrity stuff you [TS]

  don't you want to talk about gravy i'll [TS]

  talk about right now I think there's [TS]

  support therefore gravy talk but all i [TS]

  want to say is i was amazed [TS]

  first of all he's a very is a very [TS]

  slender man he always wears nice shoes [TS]

  and he showed remarkable restraint at [TS]

  the Windjammer ever notice how he would [TS]

  eat like he would eat like a like a lady [TS]

  meal he would be looking like a normal [TS]

  human being would eat instead of gorging [TS]

  everything with sauces and gravies dunno [TS]

  why why [TS]

  30 years of vegan 30 years of vegan 30 [TS]

  years of vegan whoa [TS]

  so whatever whatever anything in the [TS]

  Windjammer he could eat ya carrots did [TS]

  the fruit had pork and John I mean and [TS]

  yeah you're right at a certain point [TS]

  they put hollandaise sauce on the [TS]

  carrots but if you got in there before [TS]

  they put [TS]

  sauce on it could you know he basically [TS]

  like makes if he makes one of those hit [TS]

  when he shows up backstage at the show [TS]

  and they have one of those hospitality [TS]

  trays that's just celery and create a [TS]

  college and and who miss em and the rest [TS]

  of us go [TS]

  ah a little goes yeah because that's [TS]

  like that's as good as it's gonna get [TS]

  and what a world what a world connection [TS]

  going places and not gonna be able to [TS]

  like even have any animal in it that [TS]

  must be so challenging [TS]

  well I'm up so so might you know [TS]

  obviously I could feel like sugar is [TS]

  poison I've said that a lot of times but [TS]

  i also am i also feel a compulsion to go [TS]

  to war to the sugar in every case and [TS]

  iím seed a fundraiser fundraising event [TS]

  the other night and there were 400 [TS]

  desserts at this thing and I just was [TS]

  like I can't be in this room and not [TS]

  have a cookie and i have to be in this [TS]

  room so i have to have a cook it [TS]

  wouldn't be charitable and John you [TS]

  really you should show a little bit of [TS]

  gratitude by having some of their [TS]

  cookies [TS]

  well so I had some cookies and then the [TS]

  next day and this is bet you have gone [TS]

  for months with no with you know no [TS]

  voluntary sugar intake the next day I [TS]

  was like like Jenna and fudge sundae and [TS]

  then that they and then having had a hot [TS]

  fumble at two o'clock in the morning i [TS]

  was like isn't there a candied apple [TS]

  around here somewhere [TS]

  haha and you know it's just like a seam [TS]

  I feel like there's a candy apple hear [TS]

  some candied apple in this house [TS]

  somewhere [TS]

  time like going through the going [TS]

  through the dirty clothes hamper I know [TS]

  there's a candied apple in this house [TS]

  somewhere so i have to just move just [TS]

  the worst and you know and I look at Ted [TS]

  Leo and it's not like he it's not like [TS]

  he walks along and it's just like you [TS]

  know what I'm at this I'm playing this [TS]

  benefit for the bacon concert council [TS]

  and I should just have a bacon [TS]

  just because you know just I'm here yeah [TS]

  shoulders esprit de corps yeah that's [TS]

  right and and then he has a bacon and [TS]

  then the next day he's he's ordering the [TS]

  like five meat platter at Jack's [TS]

  barbecue [TS]

  no he just is like it that he has you [TS]

  know it's basically like Dave Pisans [TS]

  outfit ted leo has solved the [TS]

  food products so smart because there's [TS]

  only seven foods I got to I got two [TS]

  cookies for you one very quickly i found [TS]

  myself as one does i found myself on the [TS]

  website for soiling and I paused I my [TS]

  hovered i hovered over the Triad about [TS]

  $85 version i hovered over it [TS]

  there's a part of me that thinks if i [TS]

  can get this dicked i can get a lot of [TS]

  stuff done but I just I couldn't do it i [TS]

  couldn't pull the trigger [TS]

  I'm with you and I have a friend that [TS]

  doesn't have an appeal though i have a [TS]

  friend that ordered it yeah I got [TS]

  friends I have friends who swear by like [TS]

  smart Brett rest of the guys birthday's [TS]

  always showing up on your skype yeah I [TS]

  think he's a silent guy I my pal said [TS]

  that what happened was he ordered it and [TS]

  then a the rule is if you're already on [TS]

  the Soylent train then your then the [TS]

  soil it just is flowing right on the [TS]

  spice and the spice but if you're new to [TS]

  the soil and train you gotta wait in the [TS]

  station and they send you emails like [TS]

  you're someone's coming but it's gonna [TS]

  be it's gonna be five more weeks it's [TS]

  like a zit a supply-and-demand problem [TS]

  yeah they're scaling up and there is [TS]

  only one point for whatever there's a [TS]

  new version they have version numbers on [TS]

  their food so I 1.4 yea and perhaps [TS]

  threats very excited about the new 1i [TS]

  think you don't have to add like I like [TS]

  oil to it anymore [TS]

  oh that sucks 61like isn't part of me [TS]

  that thinks you know what I should do is [TS]

  get the 400 and something dollars [TS]

  version so i don't have money anymore [TS]

  and I have to eat it i think i should [TS]

  force myself to eat for a month [TS]

  this sounds like something you would try [TS]

  John just just as a thought technology i [TS]

  could see you saying I'm gonna do this [TS]

  for a month and that's just going to be [TS]

  a thing I do [TS]

  oh I'm very curious about it don't it [TS]

  sounds I mean let's be honest it sounds [TS]

  miserable it sound it sounds like [TS]

  punishment but it's like going on some [TS]

  kind of a diet or a purge or cruise like [TS]

  something you really regret but but you [TS]

  know but you gotta really go off balls [TS]

  in you know I'm saying well the thing [TS]

  about the thing about punishment is that [TS]

  I derive a lot of pleasure from [TS]

  punishment and if ever you see you're on [TS]

  record John suffering is not punishment [TS]

  that's right and so so all these all [TS]

  these deprivation diets where it's like [TS]

  all right for the next three days all [TS]

  you get to do [TS]

  because hot lemon juice and then you get [TS]

  to put a little even then you get to put [TS]

  a little agave and your hot lemon juice [TS]

  for three it's like a little up it's [TS]

  driving me crazy like i don't i don't [TS]

  like it but if if if the tie it was [TS]

  every day you drink one mug of cement [TS]

  mix and then in the afternoon another [TS]

  mug of cement mix and then a sensible [TS]

  dinner you know where where your stomach [TS]

  was just full of this you know of a [TS]

  basically like a like concrete made of [TS]

  nuts or whatever that stuff is it i mean [TS]

  they basically they go to out they go to [TS]

  laboratory store and buy magnesium [TS]

  potassium aluminum flakes and and and [TS]

  and put some oil in it right that's yeah [TS]

  soil is yeah it's like it's like it is a [TS]

  little bit like edible concrete but [TS]

  here's here's my problem in and like [TS]

  again this is a little personal but like [TS]

  I'm the heater in the family I am the [TS]

  one of the three of us who live in our [TS]

  household [TS]

  I'm the one that likes to have a meal on [TS]

  a plate right with parts and I want two [TS]

  or three parts even if it's just if it's [TS]

  just like a steak & noodles that still [TS]

  counts as a meal but I want to serve it [TS]

  at the same time I want it on a plate [TS]

  I want it to be hot and I want to use a [TS]

  fork I want to be seated I don't want to [TS]

  be eating it over the sink I will sit [TS]

  and watch TV while I am NOT an animal [TS]

  but but i am the only one in the house [TS]

  that cares one iota one whit about that [TS]

  my daughter would be fine as soon as the [TS]

  rice is done as soon as the noodles are [TS]

  done [TS]

  she's ready for dinner and I'm like no [TS]

  it's not food yet that's just one [TS]

  constituent but I i'm learning i am the [TS]

  only person who cares about that so I'm [TS]

  the one who's gonna have to make that [TS]

  happen because they're both perfectly [TS]

  happy i can get my daughter noodles [TS]

  carrots and cucumbers and that that's [TS]

  that's almost a meal [TS]

  she's happy with that it is there is [TS]

  there a window of time during which [TS]

  dinner has to happen for you [TS]

  um no not really my I mean the only [TS]

  thing to that point is that i tend to [TS]

  forget to eat like right now my stomach [TS]

  is audibly rumbling because i forgot to [TS]

  eat today I do that a lot but now no [TS]

  what about you no no i mean so it's [TS]

  sometimes dinner happens at 9pm [TS]

  sometimes dinner happens at [TS]

  for the afternoon sometimes dinner [TS]

  happens it at 1am well your kids now in [TS]

  an age where I think you can appreciate [TS]

  the importance of the Cascade where you [TS]

  know anything could potentially happen [TS]

  anytime if I didn't really could fuck [TS]

  everything up so there's a certain order [TS]

  to things right listen up this is not [TS]

  nam this is bowling right right so you [TS]

  got the thing is if you want to have [TS]

  story enough time for stories at bedtime [TS]

  you gotta get the baths by a certain [TS]

  time to have it i asked by a certain [TS]

  time we need to have you know homework [TS]

  done and food and all that so the thing [TS]

  is if you do have dinner at seven [TS]

  o'clock the kind of screws up everything [TS]

  he does and this is what happened last [TS]

  night I was uh I had talked my daughter [TS]

  into bed I had sort of laid down on her [TS]

  bed to say goodnight to her and I saying [TS]

  you know frère Jacques to her and then [TS]

  after you sing Frere Jacques she wants [TS]

  you to sing in English she's not [TS]

  satisfied if you just think in English [TS]

  she wants it in french first and then [TS]

  it's like a tiny little kickback [TS]

  that's right angry at everyone now [TS]

  sacre bleu sacre bleu [TS]

  so and then I'm lying there and and i [TS]

  say as i do at the end of every day with [TS]

  her i said to have any other questions [TS]

  you never have other questions [TS]

  oh she always does and she takes she is [TS]

  so she knows so she's a little bit of a [TS]

  thumbsucker and she knows that daddy [TS]

  will not answer a question that is asked [TS]

  but passed a thumb right if you're going [TS]

  to ask a question of a grown-up you have [TS]

  to take your thumb out of your mouth one [TS]

  of the basic rules and a lot of [TS]

  Millennials can learn that John you know [TS]

  what I apply that to every I you know I [TS]

  said it to a cop the other day listen [TS]

  I'm not going to answer your question [TS]

  sir unless you get your thumb out of [TS]

  your mouth so she takes them out of her [TS]

  mouth she she you know she looks at me [TS]

  seriously and she says Danny what is [TS]

  beauty and I'm like this is last night [TS]

  and I'm like oh what is beauty [TS]

  Jesus [TS]

  and so I so I go you know I give up I [TS]

  give a basic sort of careful once-over [TS]

  through beauty that's just there's so [TS]

  many little sand traps in that lot of [TS]

  sand traps and a lot of you know a lot [TS]

  of stuff that you have to be careful of [TS]

  of you know your language and then your [TS]

  metal language and your pre language but [TS]

  you also have to watch how long a pause [TS]

  to think about it that's right you have [TS]

  to just get an answer out because there [TS]

  it is and you know maybe it makes it i [TS]

  think the longer i feei feel like the [TS]

  longer i wait to compose a good answer [TS]

  the more it's going to feel like [TS]

  bullshit right well and the other thing [TS]

  is I feel like kids even young kids have [TS]

  enough intrinsic logic to know that an [TS]

  answer along the lines of well beauty is [TS]

  what you make it or beauty is different [TS]

  for everybody is also kind of a lie [TS]

  I mean that is true and you need to [TS]

  communicate that concept that beauty is [TS]

  relative but if Beauty it's it's like [TS]

  all that stuff that people say like oh [TS]

  it's different for everybody and no it's [TS]

  just better that's not nice like that's [TS]

  right it's like if that were true then [TS]

  we wouldn't talk about it all the time [TS]

  and there wouldn't be a word for it [TS]

  right so anyway give an answer and she's [TS]

  you know got a couple of follow-up [TS]

  questions and at some point she says [TS]

  like you know because I because I said [TS]

  like some people think that is that a [TS]

  bunch of sailboats on a lake on a sunny [TS]

  day is very beautiful to see the [TS]

  sailboats all together on the lake [TS]

  other people don't have they don't feel [TS]

  that emotion when they see a bunch of [TS]

  sailboats they just see boats they don't [TS]

  see the beauty and she said my eyes are [TS]

  beautiful because everybody says that to [TS]

  her and so she's trying to like fit that [TS]

  in that you like sort of two sailboats [TS]

  yeah like what am I supposed to do with [TS]

  this basically she's asked me what is [TS]

  beauty because she's single [TS]

  what am I supposed to do with this when [TS]

  everybody says my eyes are beautiful [TS]

  what does that mean and what are they [TS]

  saying [TS]

  and when is what am i how do i do what [TS]

  do i do with what's my take away [TS]

  and I was like I don't think there's [TS]

  anybody that would disagree that your [TS]

  eyes are beautiful but i'm sure i could [TS]

  find somebody who's like Blair they'll [TS]

  look but so i gotta so you know she's [TS]

  finally you know she finally has had [TS]

  some food for thought I was like you [TS]

  know remember the james bond movie where [TS]

  where roger moore gets on a circus train [TS]

  that's universally regarded as not [TS]

  beautiful by everybody is like an aging [TS]

  roger morris dressed as a clown me and [TS]

  she's like right right idea i agree i [TS]

  know what that I know what you mean now [TS]

  but I get out of a room i close the door [TS]

  i say goodnight sweetheart close the [TS]

  door I look up at the clock it's ten [TS]

  o'clock now I'm like how did this happen [TS]

  how did I get to ten o'clock here i did [TS]

  not i had there was dinner and there was [TS]

  a there was some storytelling and then [TS]

  there was pajamas got on and weds ten [TS]

  o'clock every night I say this to my [TS]

  wife twice a week but every night at a [TS]

  different time I don't know when it [TS]

  happens but at some point between [TS]

  usually about 4 15 and 6 45 and our [TS]

  disappears [TS]

  there's an hour i cannot account for [TS]

  every night I'm like what the fuck how [TS]

  is it 630 yeah those hours are going [TS]

  somewhere [TS]

  well they're going back to nineteen [TS]

  ninety-seven they're trying to rebuild [TS]

  the missing teen is that totally makes [TS]

  sense there I they're like collecting [TS]

  like people are resilient dump trying to [TS]

  get some milk cartons in the ear out of [TS]

  it that's right exactly [TS]

  ah that explains a lot on well I feel [TS]

  like this is the thing about about [TS]

  multiple multiverses and I feel that's [TS]

  the thing about what happens if you go [TS]

  into the black hole and you are in the [TS]

  room of a of all the times and you start [TS]

  knocking books off the shelf [TS]

  yeah yeah pretty soon you're going to [TS]

  make a year somewhere where you're going [TS]

  to take a year away [TS]

  well it makes sense because of the [TS]

  differences in gravity when you know [TS]

  what we need to get Neil deGrasse Tyson [TS]

  on here okay [TS]

  he's going to have his whole you know [TS]

  like blah blah blah theories [TS]

  yeah about it and then we'll get Ted [TS]

  Cruz and he can give us his theories [TS]

  okay um and jump in here the [TS]

  other thing that I did related to food [TS]

  part 2 yeah I am tried some different [TS]

  Salisbury steaks see what you did it [TS]

  even sounds big comparison test yeah [TS]

  apparently one night apparently well [TS]

  apparently a few nights ago I cooked two [TS]

  different brands of Salisbury steak and [TS]

  to do a side-by-side tests are you [TS]

  saying that this happened during a [TS]

  blackout or some kind of everything that [TS]

  happens after my family goes to bed [TS]

  that's what I do most of my science [TS]

  because it's just it's just easier to [TS]

  cleaner environment [TS]

  let's talk with beauty so I cooked it up [TS]

  and I I knew the winner going into it [TS]

  you can tell the winner just by looking [TS]

  at the ingredients [TS]

  yeah but I did I could not find the [TS]

  boiling bag i think that's an artifact [TS]

  this point that breaks my heart [TS]

  unless we go to ebay i don't think we're [TS]

  going to find boil in bag Salisbury [TS]

  steak but i did get a nicely paired [TS]

  Stouffer Salisbury steak with macaroni [TS]

  cheese and then I got some kind of like [TS]

  weird off-brand cafeteria food one to [TS]

  compare it with and this tho those [TS]

  surfers was much much better it was it [TS]

  was you know it was it was good the [TS]

  other one was not was was categorically [TS]

  not good the other one had that kind of [TS]

  like a cafeteria like elementary school [TS]

  cafeteria hamburger feel to it [TS]

  yeah well when you look at the [TS]

  ingredients if if like the second or [TS]

  third ingredient is dog food okay you [TS]

  know that's not that's the one to leave [TS]

  bond [TS]

  yeah yeah well you know it's funny [TS]

  because I mean the first ingredient is [TS]

  gravy [TS]

  it's mostly great gravy and Salisbury [TS]

  steak because my weight but you know the [TS]

  stuff is pretty good imma stick with it [TS]

  i'm gonna go through all the ones that [TS]

  got the storm that rhyme all I'm not [TS]

  gonna write it up on our blogger not an [TS]

  animal but i will try all of them on but [TS]

  it was pretty damn good [TS]

  here's my mean my hack of course is you [TS]

  always make a little pot of egg noodles [TS]

  and i know that for next time that [TS]

  doubles the it just doubles the [TS]

  experience right because then the [TS]

  gravy's got somewhere to go and you got [TS]

  a little bit of get a little noodle with [TS]

  every bite I i took note from you though [TS]

  I believe your advice is always make the [TS]

  whole thing always make it all so if you [TS]

  get the package of wide egg noodles from [TS]

  the grocery store you always cook the [TS]

  whole thing make the whole thing [TS]

  I i do that now and then i have the [TS]

  leftovers i put in a ziploc bag and then [TS]

  I can have one of the things i think [TS]

  they call it second dinner that night I [TS]

  can have second dinner [TS]

  y la after was going to bed mendota [TS]

  science now here's the problem is the [TS]

  problem this is a problem for me but not [TS]

  for you because of my because of my [TS]

  gluten relationship my number one [TS]

  favorite food of all foods which is [TS]

  yesterday's egg noodles and butter in a [TS]

  ziploc bag i can no longer I can no [TS]

  longer indulge in those and I do not [TS]

  want to eat corn pasta or rice pasta so [TS]

  I have to forgo what had what basically [TS]

  had formerly been the the the junk [TS]

  let's call it i mean i'm talking about a [TS]

  Chinese junk [TS]

  ok right the junk that that that kid [TS]

  that ferried me across the sea was [TS]

  basically a boat made out of egg noodles [TS]

  right that's how I came to be when they [TS]

  went when when when they took me down to [TS]

  the Nile and they put me in a in a raft [TS]

  made of reeds like Moses that raft was [TS]

  made of noodles if you if i'm ever [TS]

  involved I don't know if you have in [TS]

  your will at all but if you wanna have a [TS]

  Viking funeral I would find a way to put [TS]

  you on a boat made of egg noodles and [TS]

  fucking set it on fire i would do that [TS]

  for you [TS]

  Thank You Merlin that's why we are [TS]

  that's why we are friends i am kind of [TS]

  confused those are you are you are [TS]

  I thought you were like officially at [TS]

  that you've given up are you kind of [TS]

  back on avoiding the glutens the thing [TS]

  is I have to because they are they are [TS]

  poisons i hadn't i gave them i gave them [TS]

  up and then I was sad and now I had [TS]

  cannot be sad it is not upstate that I [TS]

  prefer and now I've seen the other side [TS]

  i've been to the edge i stood and looked [TS]

  down up and down still somehow that's [TS]

  right solutions you call but the noodles [TS]

  heart so good after all [TS]

  uh and I do not want them sam-i-am [TS]

  mm and so I I so what I used to do was [TS]

  make an entire bag of noodles and then [TS]

  you've got a bag then you've got the the [TS]

  leftover noodles in the fridge and you [TS]

  can throw a handful of already cooked [TS]

  noodles into pretty much anything like [TS]

  you've got some chili throw a little [TS]

  handful of yesterday's noodles on there [TS]

  you got some cells break celebrates take [TS]

  you even I mean there's almost nothing i [TS]

  mean if you have a bean burrito maybe [TS]

  don't throw a handful of noodles on it [TS]

  but maybe do right but I can't do that [TS]

  anymore and so now i look in my [TS]

  refrigerator and and I think there's [TS]

  some voice in my head that's like find [TS]

  the starch but there is no starch and [TS]

  your Terminator heads-up display flips [TS]

  on just like fuck us all so I can't not [TS]

  so I can't find the starch and I and so [TS]

  I just you know I just go to have my [TS]

  miserable a little little like cheese [TS]

  wad you know you take it you take one of [TS]

  those pics one of those things that [TS]

  letter you put a cheese and this is god [TS]

  sue this is uh I well let me give you [TS]

  one thought technology i mentioned this [TS]

  on another program i don't think i told [TS]

  you about this do you know about the [TS]

  costco boiled peeled eggs i do and [TS]

  here's because here's the deal for like [TS]

  eleven dollars you get 24 boiled peeled [TS]

  eggs in little packages you have you [TS]

  have eggs any time you want to just open [TS]

  up internet if you don't want to do a [TS]

  fucking egg yeah [TS]

  have you tried it i swear i've done it [TS]

  three times now I've had three of them I [TS]

  don't kill a lot of chickens they're [TS]

  really good and super convenient so I [TS]

  have a very complicated relationship [TS]

  with hard-boiled eggs through hardball [TS]

  hard-boiled eggs as you know smell like [TS]

  feet and I they are both [TS]

  kind of spongy slimy and also chalky [TS]

  melee uh-huh right you have to be [TS]

  applied through the spongy slimy part to [TS]

  get to the chalky merely part and for [TS]

  years I didn't want anything to do with [TS]

  the hardwell day I don't want anything [TS]

  to do with it but then when I was [TS]

  walking across Europe you get to that [TS]

  point you know so you're in england [TS]

  right and you get the you get the deluxe [TS]

  English breakfast which is like which is [TS]

  like 15 different kinds of food all I is [TS]

  it like an Irish Breakfast irish [TS]

  breakfast yesterday [TS]

  yeah it's like my putting you get the [TS]

  you get the blood sausage you get the [TS]

  liens you always get beans in my [TS]

  experience an irish breakfast is sort of [TS]

  a uniform brown they're shooting for a [TS]

  brown kind of like a universally [TS]

  golden-brown yeah yeah [TS]

  an English breakfast really wants the [TS]

  entire breakfast ultimately to be the [TS]

  color of the whole of a ship it's trying [TS]

  to get a kind of steely gray a steely [TS]

  gray color and it's grim and dignified [TS]

  it's really it's really grim and and I [TS]

  think we've talked about this before [TS]

  where the English the United Kingdom [TS]

  people who eat these breakfasts they [TS]

  need a little bit of this and then they [TS]

  move over need a little bit of that and [TS]

  then move it a little bit of that and if [TS]

  you are an American and you look at this [TS]

  plate of beans and and tomatoes and so [TS]

  forth and you're just like great and you [TS]

  stir it all up together in one kind of [TS]

  like soupy mush boy it really affects [TS]

  them it makes them recoil in horror they [TS]

  have a lot of you know what I mean they [TS]

  like they like to wait in lines they [TS]

  have a lot of the English people have a [TS]

  lot of they definitely like things a [TS]

  certain way [TS]

  yeah and do not think you should make [TS]

  sure English and they survived for [TS]

  thousands of years with a certain kind [TS]

  of order right but then you cross the [TS]

  channel and then you are in the land of [TS]

  black bread and hard-boiled eggs and [TS]

  every day you get you could eat you you [TS]

  go someplace for breakfast and they're [TS]

  like here's some black bread here is [TS]

  some momento lo this is more germany had [TS]

  touchy German land who move monster land [TS]

  let's call it whoo & [TS]

  I love that pimento loaf right salami [TS]

  with little bits in it like not but like [TS]

  yeah like little bits of olive and [TS]

  pistachios and you know I'm talking to [TS]

  me and now I I do i do and then I tend [TS]

  to skip over those things [TS]

  well sure as you do right but if you're [TS]

  sitting if you're starving to death as i [TS]

  was literally to death and you and you [TS]

  have opportunity to avail yourself of [TS]

  our breakfast there is a house brow who [TS]

  is presenting you with a breakfast on [TS]

  and maybe going to watch you eat it [TS]

  absolutely gonna watch it and there's [TS]

  some kind of bread that is the color of [TS]

  like raw raw crude oil and then there is [TS]

  a pimento loaf and then maybe a second [TS]

  pimento loaf and then a hard-boiled egg [TS]

  you're like Jesus at least I know what [TS]

  the egg is tonight at least I recognize [TS]

  the egg so I started to i started to eat [TS]

  these eggs and I realized that hard [TS]

  boiled eggs are amazing [TS]

  now I'm in my thirties at this point [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  never never really enjoyed an egg now I [TS]

  was really enjoying an egg but when I [TS]

  got back to America and I was in a land [TS]

  of plenty [TS]

  again where I had a refrigerator full of [TS]

  yesterday's noodles boil-in-the-bag [TS]

  Salisbury steaks on the hoof it was very [TS]

  difficult for me to go back to this this [TS]

  privation diet huh [TS]

  right where I once upon a time had [TS]

  enjoyed hardball days and i have not [TS]

  i've never been able to put it back into [TS]

  gear because I because I never and [TS]

  confronted with pimento loaf so [TS]

  hard-boiled egg has fallen back to the [TS]

  bottom of the list i get it and having [TS]

  my dad I think I think my dad in a my [TS]

  late father any more enlightened age [TS]

  would probably have been diagnosed with [TS]

  PTSD from being Korea and it was really [TS]

  rough time he was an infant really oh [TS]

  yeah he could be around fireworks and [TS]

  then another one was that he just [TS]

  chicken and rice [TS]

  he just did not ever want to see it [TS]

  again because you walk around Korea and [TS]

  you kill a bunch of fucking chickens [TS]

  need some rice and that's what they did [TS]

  all the time while [TS]

  they were miserable and I don't you know [TS]

  even for a man in his twenties I think [TS]

  that has enough of a kind of imprint on [TS]

  chicken as bad news index in your case [TS]

  once your way from the provision of the [TS]

  of the brown bread and the and the eggs [TS]

  watch your back to the SS brown the hoof [TS]

  like why would you why would you go back [TS]

  why have an egg in an egg and onion as [TS]

  you're saying an egg is a perfect little [TS]

  dollop it's a perfect little thing you [TS]

  can go to costco and by 25 of them in a [TS]

  bag already peeled [TS]

  well I mean you're living in the future [TS]

  dude if you've got some frozen bacon you [TS]

  get some frozen bacon and a couple eggs [TS]

  you get breakfast on the go my friends [TS]

  wow it's such a it's such a thought act [TS]

  mhm but I just can't I just you know [TS]

  what it is I'm afraid that I'm gonna [TS]

  open up that bag of 25 eggs and that [TS]

  smell of feet [TS]

  yeah it's going to come out of there and [TS]

  I'm and I'm I'm gonna be like I'm gonna [TS]

  have to go into an isolation two guys [TS]

  with it people you can certainly Gary oh [TS]

  my god i saw Skeeter the other day [TS]

  yeah he does not look well I don't know [TS]

  Skeeter Skeeter is in trouble and and [TS]

  and he they were yelling at Gary and [TS]

  gary was yelling they were it was like [TS]

  the things are coming to a head over [TS]

  there calm now you're yelling carry and [TS]

  he was like what could i do when they [TS]

  were like do something well what you [TS]

  think it means [TS]

  well I don't know I just mean who knows [TS]

  ah but then i but then i had a lot kind [TS]

  of a long conversation with Skeeter and [TS]

  he's like oh yeah they don't have my [TS]

  medication right and I'm by looked and [TS]

  he was like I looked bad i was and i [TS]

  said i said scare you look bad [TS]

  it was like yeah i know we just need it [TS]

  we just need to figure out the figure [TS]

  out the cocktail [TS]

  well that's like this room I don't think [TS]

  you need to figure out a cocktail friend [TS]

  yeah it's but it's a it's it's pretty [TS]

  rough over there but but you know i am [TS]

  my brother's keeper in a way yeah and so [TS]

  you know help out when I can [TS]

  yeah yeah you know anything set on fire [TS]

  that's for sure no i don't and i don't i [TS]

  don't want frankly I don't want Gary [TS]

  living in the front yard anymore but you [TS]

  know Gary might be the only thing that's [TS]

  holding that whole thing down right it's [TS]

  like it's a guy like a human [TS]

  a game of Jenga you don't move the van [TS]

  that's right you move the van but well [TS]

  the thing is this is what's crazy i came [TS]

  up i came out the other day the man had [TS]

  moved it had just moved to a different [TS]

  place he stipulated it doesn't run well [TS]

  it had must have it must have run enough [TS]

  to pull out where it was and then repart [TS]

  itself and what I feel like is that they [TS]

  had a big fight they were like you're [TS]

  out of here and he went out and spent [TS]

  what she probably was two-and-a-half [TS]

  hours getting the van started then he [TS]

  got into gear he pulled it around as [TS]

  though he was gonna load up his [TS]

  extension cord and he needed to find his [TS]

  weed whacker or something you know like [TS]

  he was like they're so you know I'm [TS]

  gonna Park it here while I go in and get [TS]

  the stuff my stuff I gotta go get my [TS]

  stuff out of the kitchen or something [TS]

  oh so you think maybe the the lady that [TS]

  who runs the house might have said it's [TS]

  time to go [TS]

  something there was some kind of [TS]

  experience there was something i don't [TS]

  think he would have started that band [TS]

  for any other reason other than we could [TS]

  have over the last whatever year to he [TS]

  would I mean if I if I were they I mean [TS]

  finally live and also be driving a van [TS]

  if I could see personally think when you [TS]

  think [TS]

  yeah so he started the band he he reap [TS]

  parked it went inside to get his spatula [TS]

  and then they had a rock pro small m and [TS]

  or you know it was kind of like when I [TS]

  was a teenager right my mom said you're [TS]

  bad you're bad a your bad kid and go [TS]

  live with your father and so I went and [TS]

  I went to live with my dad and when I [TS]

  came back over to visit my mom had [TS]

  turned my bedroom into a guest room [TS]

  about I've told you the story that [TS]

  subtle and show and replaced by whoever [TS]

  shows up yeah and and this with the full [TS]

  knowledge that she has never had a guest [TS]

  spend the night [TS]

  yeah she had a guest e-type is no so she [TS]

  has a guest room and it's for Elijah [TS]

  basically right there's never no one's [TS]

  ever going to state it was this is [TS]

  unintentionally black [TS]

  it was just it was just that she took [TS]

  all of my stuff and all of my paintings [TS]

  and stuff down off the wall and put a [TS]

  flower bed spread on the bed it was like [TS]

  wow it's the guest room and so when he [TS]

  John and I for a couple of months i live [TS]

  with my dad which you know i found just [TS]

  it just basically intolerable just [TS]

  because my dad was a bit busy body and [TS]

  it just felt like you know it felt like [TS]

  staying with mom was a prize that I had [TS]

  to earn I had to re-learn and I was [TS]

  going to do that immediately write it [TS]

  was you can't you can't give me the give [TS]

  me a red ribbon and and put the blue [TS]

  ribbon up on a shelf right I'm gonna go [TS]

  for the Blue Ribbon who so i started [TS]

  going over to my mom's house and then [TS]

  you know it's sneak in and and end up [TS]

  spending the night in the guest room but [TS]

  it was like a it was it was a little bit [TS]

  of a I never fully read I never fully [TS]

  read joined that room for that house for [TS]

  like three more years I never really put [TS]

  my paintings back up on the wall [TS]

  I never really it was still a little bit [TS]

  of the guest room until I graduate from [TS]

  high school and moved out [TS]

  and for the first time rollin right this [TS]

  moment I have no idea how I got on that [TS]

  topic haha and all of our time together [TS]

  you're right you're pivoting you're red [TS]

  you're pivoting from Gary in the van [TS]

  oh right so what you but your mom I mean [TS]

  you know just a close you helped her fix [TS]

  up her house I mean but this is what I'm [TS]

  saying I feel like Gary moved the van [TS]

  the van is in a new position now but it [TS]

  is in a position that is sort of pointed [TS]

  out the driveway instead of tucked [TS]

  safely behind the hedge and so even if [TS]

  Gary lives there for two more years he's [TS]

  never he's it bc he's going to show up [TS]

  there he's going to see the van [TS]

  positioned its new position and he's [TS]

  never gonna feel a hundred percent [TS]

  oh because you're his paintings were off [TS]

  the wall his paintings are off the wall [TS]

  van is divided the van is closer [TS]

  potentially closer to moving than it was [TS]

  before right and so he's in a he is he's [TS]

  changed his superposition 21 of like [TS]

  motion i had a prediction you know [TS]

  what's gonna happen i think about why [TS]

  you step pick my daughter up from her [TS]

  preschool we would walk the same route [TS]

  every day to walk from her school to the [TS]

  train to go home and every day every day [TS]

  you go to walk and we started noticing [TS]

  you know i can kinda can't help but [TS]

  notice uh it's January some people start [TS]

  sentries on the street [TS]

  februari sometimes you see a tree or two [TS]

  on the street there was one house we [TS]

  passed every day and became a running [TS]

  joke i thought was funny and cheated but [TS]

  everyday into march into april i would [TS]

  say do you think the trees gonna be [TS]

  there today [TS]

  mhm and and she would say usually yeah i [TS]

  think i'll still be there and then one [TS]

  day the tree was gonna we never find out [TS]

  find out why was there until spring time [TS]

  what's gonna happen with the van well [TS]

  let's see that's the thing though this [TS]

  is the thing about inertia the thing [TS]

  about you know momentum the the inertia [TS]

  is on the side of Gary's van until it [TS]

  moves and then I i think it's going to [TS]

  disappear you're never going to know why [TS]

  unless you ask [TS]

  I think it's gonna be I think it's meant [TS]

  to be a mystery [TS]

  well so what one of one day I was [TS]

  talking to gary and what one of the [TS]

  amazing things about Gary of course is [TS]

  that you can have a you can have [TS]

  multiple conversations with him and he [TS]

  has no recollection of ever having met [TS]

  you before from one I mean you know he's [TS]

  been living across the street for me now [TS]

  for stuck for a couple years at least [TS]

  no regular introduces himself to me [TS]

  every time [TS]

  are you serious is it really true yeah [TS]

  oh my god comes over introduces me and [TS]

  introduced himself to me and starts to [TS]

  tell me his story [TS]

  okay man I'm just standing here for a [TS]

  little while you know just bubbled up [TS]

  and I'm like Carrie I fucking know who [TS]

  you are afraid we've talked like 15 [TS]

  times [TS]

  oh sorry man sorry I just do the habit [TS]

  of it anyway in one of those [TS]

  conversations I learned that Gary grew [TS]

  up in that neighborhood who grew up [TS]

  three blocks away the native son [TS]

  so when I found that out I was I was [TS]

  dismayed because it can only mean that [TS]

  carry is Gary may never go away hearing [TS]

  remove his fan around that front yard [TS]

  for 20 more years because yeah he [TS]

  remembers that neighborhood from from [TS]

  the seventies god that's depressing John [TS]

  yeah it is it is depressing but I but [TS]

  you know there's there are a lot of [TS]

  things that could happen you know what [TS]

  there's a million stories in The Naked [TS]

  City that's true you know the other day [TS]

  I was at a i was at the store as I do as [TS]

  I still do even despite having talked [TS]

  many times about how I need to stop [TS]

  going to thrifty always sounds like [TS]

  you're gonna stop it sounds like you've [TS]

  had your fill that the the everything [TS]

  store has jumped the thrift shark but [TS]

  there you are you're back there you're [TS]

  looking for bargains and back and [TS]

  looking for bargains that's exactly [TS]

  right and i'm in there and I don't know [TS]

  what I you know you'd never know what [TS]

  you're looking for right go in you're [TS]

  looking around just looking and looking [TS]

  the 15 [TS]

  the 15 [TS]

  the wizard Harry well and and this is [TS]

  what happened so I'm like you know what [TS]

  I hardly ever look at belts I'm gonna go [TS]

  look at belts and walk over and there's [TS]

  just you know total fucking like it [TS]

  looks like that it looks like the [TS]

  cabling at a at a server farm right [TS]

  except its belt human belt human del [TS]

  tracking human belt Rat King and I'm [TS]

  standing there and I'm like flipping [TS]

  through these belts and like as well [TS]

  garbage and like you know a belt this [TS]

  boy and and belts little sailboats on [TS]

  demand that you know right let's see you [TS]

  double points boy [TS]

  yeah i guess you'd have to transport the [TS]

  buckle to a slightly more voluminous [TS]

  belt [TS]

  yeah or well you know the lot of those [TS]

  belts the style was to do as a as your [TS]

  daughter was wearing it you know sort of [TS]

  tucked in right extra-long like an 80 [TS]

  spelt that sort of tucked around so [TS]

  maybe i might even be able to wear one [TS]

  of those boy belts but anyway i'm [TS]

  flipping through and flipping through [TS]

  and then I find a belt and I'm like you [TS]

  know you just you get used to in thrift [TS]

  stores you can get that the tips of your [TS]

  fingers kind of can feel when something [TS]

  is of a different grade ever make you [TS]

  flip through the shirts or like garbage [TS]

  garbage garbage and then you touch up [TS]

  fabric and you're like that's a nice [TS]

  fabric and that's kind of when I pull [TS]

  the shirt a little bit to look at look [TS]

  at it more closely [TS]

  like I don't want to I don't want to [TS]

  wear a shirt that I don't like the feel [TS]

  of it so a lot of lot of times I just I [TS]

  just running my fingers over stuff like [TS]

  yet yet yet yet [TS]

  and then you find something so I'm [TS]

  flipping through these belts there's [TS]

  probably 300 belts you know and I touch [TS]

  something I'm like that's a different [TS]

  feel and I pull this belltown and I'm [TS]

  like oh it's you know it's kind of soft [TS]

  and then I look at it it's like the [TS]

  front of the belt is alligator like [TS]

  that's an interesting thing so I pull [TS]

  the thing off and I and I put it on and [TS]

  it fits me like all right so I like the [TS]

  feel it fits me it's kind of I've never [TS]

  I've never owned an alligator belt [TS]

  because my standard for belts has always [TS]

  been like hippie big buckle right like [TS]

  rock-and-roll belt i got a lot of [TS]

  rock-and-roll belt now I now I want a [TS]

  nice belt [TS]

  all of a sudden I never had a nice belt [TS]

  so look at this thing i turn the belt / [TS]

  it's got all these different stamps any [TS]

  impressions on the back but tell all [TS]

  this information about it which seems [TS]

  promising right [TS]

  the more information that an item has on [TS]

  it the more you are able to research it [TS]

  so I take out my phone and I start [TS]

  putting in all this data from the back [TS]

  of this belt [TS]

  turns out it's an eight-hundred-dollar [TS]

  alligator belt Wow [TS]

  and it was only are they notes on the [TS]

  sourcing well it's like the name of so a [TS]

  lot of belts you just you look at them [TS]

  they have no information on them and [TS]

  then the first piece of information that [TS]

  you'll find on a belt is this is the [TS]

  size so a lot of belts just have the [TS]

  size stamped on it uh-huh and then [TS]

  you'll have you know if if a company is [TS]

  making a belt and they think highly [TS]

  enough of themselves that they'll put [TS]

  their name on the belt then that's a [TS]

  step up and you'll get the you know [TS]

  you'll get those belts that are like I [TS]

  don't know [TS]

  dolce & gabbana or something they put [TS]

  their name on it but this was a belt [TS]

  that had like like a cursive stamp [TS]

  that's in hand made in America and then [TS]

  it had you know the name of the [TS]

  alligator and had all this stuff and it [TS]

  was all it wasn't think it was all like [TS]

  embossed was like well let's let's [TS]

  research this so I so I find out it's [TS]

  this very expensive built now I've [TS]

  already been through three that the [TS]

  process of like deciding that I like the [TS]

  feel of it figuring out it fits so now [TS]

  I'm realizing that it is a very [TS]

  expensive belt which ignites the [TS]

  basically ignites the the bonfire chain [TS]

  on top of the mountains that signal the [TS]

  riders of rohan hand to ride to the cash [TS]

  register and so but [TS]

  but I'm thinking to myself like is an [TS]

  alligator belt really where I'm headed [TS]

  in life is that is that my direction can [TS]

  ask the digit and would it not only fit [TS]

  you [TS]

  it fits great you're kidding that was [TS]

  this that's the second thing i do right [TS]

  I I pulled it off and i put it around me [TS]

  and I was it sounds talismanic John it's [TS]

  not like this bell was intended for you [TS]

  write like a sword in the stone type [TS]

  situation right it's the wand finds you [TS]

  Harry [TS]

  that's right Harry yes sir i have this [TS]

  alligator felt which communicates I mean [TS]

  an alligator belt to me communicates [TS]

  that you are the either the worst kind [TS]

  of lawyer or someone who lives on a boat [TS]

  for someone who hates alligators or [TS]

  right it could be an alligator hunter [TS]

  but i would think that that alligator [TS]

  belt would be like something that you [TS]

  had made but that's a new kind of [TS]

  statement dealt for you so I get this [TS]

  belt and I and I take it home I wear it [TS]

  I where the next day and i feel i feel [TS]

  that weird thing that you feel when you [TS]

  are thrifty shopper and you have found a [TS]

  little treasure you wear it around and [TS]

  it's like it's like our daughters with [TS]

  their mismatch socks it's that little [TS]

  bit of like I have a secret I my belt [TS]

  cost eight hundred dollars [TS]

  Wow my belt had my belt formerly cost [TS]

  eight hundred dollars at someone else [TS]

  paid for it one time and now it's mine [TS]

  for 399 so the next day i'm driving [TS]

  around town in my alligator belt feeling [TS]

  strong and I start to feel that Vegas [TS]

  thing like how many of these how many of [TS]

  these alligator belts are out there I [TS]

  wasn't even all I get it yeah and so I [TS]

  head to a thrift store get the itch got [TS]

  the itch I walked over to the belt i [TS]

  start flipping through the belts at a [TS]

  different thrift store the next day why [TS]

  I'm wearing my alligator belt i find [TS]

  another alligator built by the same [TS]

  maker at a different thrift store [TS]

  wow what and it also fit me what are the [TS]

  chances i don't know now I got to [TS]

  alligator belt this is the [TS]

  baader-meinhof syndrome like he did [TS]

  no alligator belt existing I see him all [TS]

  the time yeah now you got two of them [TS]

  and i'm walking around like what else is [TS]

  gonna happen and right now these are [TS]

  these alligator belts are like these are [TS]

  very expensive items they communicate to [TS]

  somebody they communicate this is what's [TS]

  crazy [TS]

  whatever it is that these alligator [TS]

  belts communicate they only communicate [TS]

  that thing to people i will never meet [TS]

  or that i hardly ever how it's like a [TS]

  dumb mistake challenge coin [TS]

  yeah right like it's going to really get [TS]

  the influencer significance of it you [TS]

  gotta get the significant 7 but you do [TS]

  you know what it is you're telegraphing [TS]

  with that I have no idea it's like I'm [TS]

  where it's like I'm innocent girls like [TS]

  a hanky code [TS]

  yeah right it's a hanky code I don't [TS]

  know where it's like a black box pinging [TS]

  on the bottom of the South Pacific that [TS]

  no one will ever hear [TS]

  I'm walking around sending off these [TS]

  powerful like this black belt message [TS]

  the best bike belt boner and it's [TS]

  falling on deaf ears everyone around me [TS]

  is def to the fact that you can even [TS]

  communicate something like this with a [TS]

  belt i'm gonna guess that the first one [TS]

  of the well I who knows like what order [TS]

  these things going but I bet one of the [TS]

  first things is when you slip one of [TS]

  these on you suddenly start seeing more [TS]

  of this kind of belt [TS]

  ok it's so mean you need about to see [TS]

  the belt it's like when you're playing [TS]

  slugbug who and all of a sudden their [TS]

  books with your bugs everywhere [TS]

  yeah exactly right it's a good [TS]

  availability heuristic with belts so I [TS]

  need the belt to see the belt right now [TS]

  i'm going to start seeing the belt then [TS]

  why do it now you're in a year in a [TS]

  multiverse now my friend like where did [TS]

  that come from how do that what was that [TS]

  what was the prime moving belt like how [TS]

  how you know what I mean like how is it [TS]

  you got that belt [TS]

  how do i get the belt enough but now I [TS]

  found a second belt so my my third [TS]

  question is now that i'm aware of this [TS]

  and i start at in my thrift store [TS]

  experiences of course now i'm going to [TS]

  go right to the belts every time I walk [TS]

  in I think it's your obligation at this [TS]

  point well what happens if I what [TS]

  happens if i find a third one does it a [TS]

  mean that alligator belt are are thick [TS]

  on the ground and that there are so many [TS]

  of these but that but that doesn't [TS]

  I'm not me and it might be a Brigadoon [TS]

  type situation where like maybe once a [TS]

  year one of these belts makes itself a [TS]

  parent I'm gonna say i don't know [TS]

  because I don't have one of these but [TS]

  maybe your job now is to help the right [TS]

  people find one of these belts too i [TS]

  don't know how you find out who that is [TS]

  to be like a belt guide [TS]

  mmm yeah i got bella bella has felt the [TS]

  spirit guide [TS]

  I mean they're very very pleasing these [TS]

  belt they're very soft I mean I feel bad [TS]

  that an alligator had to die but you [TS]

  know if something's gonna have to die [TS]

  like an alligator might be a small [TS]

  alligator is pretty close to like the [TS]

  top-ranked of things that I don't care [TS]

  whether it does or not I got no feelings [TS]

  about him was probably bigger than [TS]

  alligators that John I mean I don't [TS]

  think this happens by accident this [TS]

  well I don't say it on there but [TS]

  although this might be well this might [TS]

  be the photos you think when I don't [TS]

  know I don't know but like how would you [TS]

  know when they were reaching out to you [TS]

  maybe maybe they give you an offering [TS]

  ok now this and now you got two [TS]

  offerings and now you're asking [TS]

  questions and now you're open to the [TS]

  idea that great thing might be somebody [TS]

  need to talk to so last night I'm [TS]

  driving home i'm wearing my second [TS]

  alligator belt and i'm driving past the [TS]

  airport and you know because of a trick [TS]

  of the of the perspective like a big [TS]

  sort of military jet has taken off from [TS]

  boeing field but it appears to kind of [TS]

  be hovering there because it's so big [TS]

  that it that it's not disappearing very [TS]

  fast and it's just it's nighttime so I [TS]

  can only kind of see it's light and it's [TS]

  hovering over the road as I'm driving [TS]

  and I was reminded that of course that's [TS]

  if if the UFOs were here on a regular [TS]

  basis that's how they would disguise [TS]

  themselves right they would disguise [TS]

  themselves as military jets and this [TS]

  thing is just hovering there over the [TS]

  road and i'm driving a long I've got my [TS]

  alligator belt on and watching this [TS]

  airplane and I'm thinking is this it [TS]

  over [TS]

  are they is this the moment when all of [TS]

  a sudden like they might have tried lots [TS]

  of times and the conditions just weren't [TS]

  right or maybe you were right [TS]

  like maybe you weren't where you need to [TS]

  be to be looking for [TS]

  right kind of thing because it's like I [TS]

  just be an obvious think you're gonna [TS]

  like show up with a with cake I need the [TS]

  belt to see the belt the belt to see the [TS]

  belt [TS]

  oh Allah oh shanthi our shanti shanti [TS]

  home am gonna cut all that out haha you [TS]

  need adult to the belt [TS]