Roderick on the Line

Ep. 160: "Gidgets and Gasmos"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by cards against humanity they [TS]

  asked us not to read an ad [TS]

  hey just enjoy the show [TS]

  hello hey John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good how are you going great that was a [TS]

  really really fast restart you must have [TS]

  some very recent equipment there [TS]

  yeah well I was restarting my computer [TS]

  and so I had to go get some herbal ciao [TS]

  from the grocery store across the street [TS]

  that stocks trouble child to feed all [TS]

  the gerbils inside my now completely our [TS]

  cake computer device which still looks [TS]

  very modern [TS]

  mm that's what's deceptive about it [TS]

  right okay students the design was so [TS]

  ahead of its time that it's still up to [TS]

  me at least looks very very modern [TS]

  I have two beloved Apple devices at my [TS]

  house right now that it won't turn on at [TS]

  all and it looks like something from [TS]

  Star Trek there's some modern oh they're [TS]

  very modern I my extremely modern phone [TS]

  has has been engaging in conversation [TS]

  recently about how my icloud is almost [TS]

  full [TS]

  oh yeah my wife wakes up to that [TS]

  literally every morning and it's [TS]

  interesting when I think about it [TS]

  because of course the I mean how can a [TS]

  cloud be full [TS]

  alright miss you know i mean when i [TS]

  think about and I think about it got [TS]

  cloud can't be full [TS]

  I mean it rains when it when it gets [TS]

  full cloud rains clouds can get very [TS]

  very big before you would describe them [TS]

  as full they can retain a lot of matter [TS]

  but my phone insists that it's time for [TS]

  me to either upgrade to a to it to a [TS]

  plan of the bigger cloud basically it's [TS]

  saying attach some additional heels to [TS]

  your neck or the alternative is go to [TS]

  apple / menu dot a details that's the [TS]

  point that it going / fields / but going [TS]

  flat heels and they'll walk you through [TS]

  a very easy process where you can manage [TS]

  your content in the sense that each app [TS]

  and [TS]

  favorable has a content management [TS]

  capability which enables you to not know [TS]

  at all anything about how much space [TS]

  things are using or how that is part of [TS]

  how they're operating system adjudicates [TS]

  what they do what they do is they show [TS]

  you some bars some colored bars that [TS]

  indicate where that what what your how [TS]

  full your cloud is yeah the biggest one [TS]

  of those bars is something you can do [TS]

  nothing about nor can you understand it [TS]

  and then the other bars are all [TS]

  similarly opaque in the the bar called [TS]

  other other right and then but what's [TS]

  wonderful is that they say like oh if [TS]

  you'd like to manage your content and [TS]

  which is what i would actually prefer to [TS]

  do i would prefer to manage my content [TS]

  who would prefer to manage was on the [TS]

  phone and not have the phone full of [TS]

  secret contracts not have it full of [TS]

  user and user agreements that give away [TS]

  all of my information to a chelsea [TS]

  manning i would prefer to just be able [TS]

  to go in there and see very clearly [TS]

  what's there and call the things i do [TS]

  not want and they present it as though [TS]

  that is the possible that is it not only [TS]

  a possibility but it's just a simple [TS]

  simple process you just follow the [TS]

  little arrow from you no applecare down [TS]

  to apple don't care [TS]

  snap and uh and yet uh i would need a [TS]

  computer maths degree from a community [TS]

  Comic technically it's a certificate [TS]

  that certificate i would need a [TS]

  certification that you can get on nights [TS]

  and weekends while working a year your [TS]

  overnight shift at denny's and then i [TS]

  would also need this is the key [TS]

  this is the this is the thing that that [TS]

  they don't tell you i would need one [TS]

  year of free time that I had nothing [TS]

  better to do than to sit and figure out [TS]

  how to freaking delete that what i can [TS]

  delete from my phone so so in summary it [TS]

  just works [TS]

  and what's amazing is it looks very very [TS]

  modern and everything every modern [TS]

  message my wife wakes up to every day [TS]

  since you guys the cloud is full of [TS]

  Congress was so satisfying because it's [TS]

  so just that the fonts were chosen [TS]

  various the chamfered edges and not the [TS]

  hand weight even the hand feel ya it [TS]

  snaps to a grid and it [TS]

  yeah that's true yeah but any kin any [TS]

  case so I'm very excited and you know [TS]

  and what's funny is that you just you [TS]

  feel you and I have you Knife resist [TS]

  resignation all the time right [TS]

  why did i do i do not like to make [TS]

  decisions from a place of resignation [TS]

  I know that you don't either i prefer [TS]

  not to lie i liked I'd like to [TS]

  understand what I'm resigning to and NY [TS]

  right and this entire meal based economy [TS]

  is an economy predicated on resignation [TS]

  we just we give them the like the [TS]

  appearance of a choice where one of the [TS]

  choices is non-functioning and the other [TS]

  choice we just keep saying like it's so [TS]

  simple all you have to do is just [TS]

  upgrade it just paid just pits start [TS]

  paying in on a monthly basis [TS]

  uh-huh or of course there's this very [TS]

  simple other direction you could go [TS]

  which and which is a which is a trap [TS]

  Street at every turn like dead end dead [TS]

  end dead end and it all just redirects [TS]

  you back like that scene in animal house [TS]

  hey welcome to the frat party you know [TS]

  have you met Mohamed and I man and so so [TS]

  and so you get back to this thing and [TS]

  eventually your phone stops working [TS]

  computer stops working and you [TS]

  resignedly pay for the thick just that [TS]

  you just pay for the hope that it will [TS]

  animals that a bigger cloud will get you [TS]

  back in the game [TS]

  uh-huh and i just cannot i just i see [TS]

  that he'll and it's you know it's funny [TS]

  like eels are unpleasant-looking but [TS]

  this girl has a kind of like cheeky [TS]

  smile he just wants to attach himself [TS]

  this Remora wants to attach himself to [TS]

  my neck vein [TS]

  for some reason it reminds me a little [TS]

  bit of I'm not the one of the best [TS]

  example of this is but it's like how [TS]

  they put ATMs in casinos you know where [TS]

  you can go and you can get like special [TS]

  ATMs because in addition to being very [TS]

  costly ATMs you can get like cash [TS]

  advances and stuff like that and you [TS]

  know when you're in the heaviness of [TS]

  gambling it's not like you're making a [TS]

  note of every 100 or 200 or 500 dollars [TS]

  that you're taking out you know what I [TS]

  mean it isn't you're not really keeping [TS]

  track of that but it feels like it feels [TS]

  sustaining to be able to keep gambling [TS]

  i'm not much of a gambler but I've seen [TS]

  it and that's the thing here with you [TS]

  with the eels that you're describing is [TS]

  that is a solution is presented in the [TS]

  form vanille just just agree to attach [TS]

  this to somewhere anywhere anyway it's [TS]

  convenient for you where you can get [TS]

  blood and we're pretty sure everything [TS]

  will be fine [TS]

  do you know what I have a lot of blood [TS]

  now I'm carrying an eel and still not [TS]

  working with almost no problem at all [TS]

  was given another he'll there's another [TS]

  ill but the thing is these eagles are [TS]

  small they're losing people the [TS]

  listeners imagining and yelling [TS]

  fantastical feel like something [TS]

  something like like a Grimm brothers [TS]

  heal because these are not didn't know [TS]

  this is more like more like [TS]

  nightcrawlers yeah just little guys [TS]

  there little heels and and the thing you [TS]

  know they're like I would like I [TS]

  hesitate to call them leeches because [TS]

  leeches have an ugly it's only were [TS]

  really pejorative from a different time [TS]

  term that's right but and I think they [TS]

  are more properly Remora but uh but yeah [TS]

  it's it my resistance to it is not to [TS]

  any one particular seal it is to the [TS]

  idea of having heels on me and if you [TS]

  put one even if you make them thinner [TS]

  and have the battery last longer and [TS]

  steal even if that he looks like [TS]

  something out of a kind of a like a like [TS]

  17 deleted minutes from 2001 a Space [TS]

  Odyssey even if it is a Kubrick and [TS]

  he'll I do not want it on me and I think [TS]

  this stems from a time when I was on [TS]

  outward bound and we we had been [TS]

  paddling our canoes for several weeks [TS]

  in that in the boundary waters canoe [TS]

  area of northern Minnesota and southern [TS]

  canada ontario I think and we hate each [TS]

  other [TS]

  everyone everyone on that trip I was put [TS]

  into a group of much bigger boys older [TS]

  boys who were all sent there by their [TS]

  very the their various like juvenile [TS]

  detention facilities in their respective [TS]

  towns outward-bound can be a form of [TS]

  cutting trail right it can be a place [TS]

  for some people get straightened out [TS]

  yeah and there were there were lots of [TS]

  people like there were lots of groups in [TS]

  my when I arrived at our bound you know [TS]

  there are hundreds of kids there and [TS]

  they all are separated into different [TS]

  kind of candy who different squads and [TS]

  there were squads that were coed where [TS]

  where they were we would we would [TS]

  sometimes encounter them you know when [TS]

  you're when you're out in the it in the [TS]

  Boundary Waters area there are some [TS]

  chokepoints kind of where the where one [TS]

  Lake feeds into another and even if [TS]

  you're out there for three weeks like [TS]

  you're going to run into some other [TS]

  people just because he you know there's [TS]

  these waterfalls or whatever and we [TS]

  would encounter these other groups and [TS]

  they were they were like they would [TS]

  canoe by a singing like they were [TS]

  singing their song or whatever boys and [TS]

  girls like a out camping and learning [TS]

  skills and that sounds like summer camp [TS]

  yeah and my group were all they were [TS]

  like we were 12 12 us maybe 10 total [TS]

  bullies and felons kids with like knives [TS]

  in their boots and then me and they put [TS]

  me in that group because i was big-sized [TS]

  and also because i think i was sent my [TS]

  folks set that me there to straighten me [TS]

  out but I was not like compared to the [TS]

  kid from Baltimore like the degree to [TS]

  which I was on the wrong path in life [TS]

  was not anywhere close to the you know I [TS]

  was not living in a world [TS]

  where I was smoking cigarettes throwing [TS]

  knives and holding other kids heads [TS]

  under the water right I was just I was [TS]

  just sulking and sulking at least in and [TS]

  me in my culture was like as bad as as [TS]

  as being a violent teen perpetrator so [TS]

  it was more like you are a pain in the [TS]

  ass on the wrong path rather than [TS]

  actually dangerous [TS]

  yeah i was a pain in the ass and so they [TS]

  sent me to this and I don't know what [TS]

  box they checked where they were like [TS]

  you know send him send him with the [TS]

  group that that is like a basically [TS]

  penal but i was i was in the airport in [TS]

  duluth minnesota and a kid that ended up [TS]

  being in my squad sat down next to me [TS]

  and he was there with a corrections [TS]

  officer who was escorting him to our [TS]

  bound and I was like you know I read too [TS]

  many Archie comics or something you know [TS]

  that was that was my crime but uh but [TS]

  anyway so we had several weeks in or [TS]

  however many weeks in at right at the [TS]

  point where we were living on brown [TS]

  sugar and butter because all the other [TS]

  kids had all the bigger kids had stolen [TS]

  all the food we arrived at a little tiny [TS]

  we were there canoeing through this [TS]

  slow-moving river and the river had a [TS]

  drop like a like a 10 foot waterfall and [TS]

  we we saw in time we can pull their [TS]

  canoes over to the side and portage them [TS]

  around and then it was incredibly hot [TS]

  and humid and he was this beautiful [TS]

  little waterfall kind of undiscovered [TS]

  waterfall out in the middle of Canada [TS]

  and we took off our clothes and jumped [TS]

  in it was like one of those few moments [TS]

  on this whole long trip where there was [TS]

  any feeling of camaraderie no one was [TS]

  trying to kill anyone else it was like [TS]

  everybody was so happy to have found [TS]

  this little place and you can you could [TS]

  duck under the waterfall and and pop up [TS]

  and breathe and their little there's a [TS]

  little bubble there and it was just like [TS]

  a perfect [TS]

  moment one of the like three times on [TS]

  that whole trip where I didn't fear for [TS]

  my life and then the first kid gets out [TS]

  of the pond and the rest of us who are [TS]

  in the water can see that he is covered [TS]

  with leeches leeches that are the size [TS]

  of coke bottles of god and he doesn't [TS]

  see it because he's just climbing out [TS]

  and like and we're all like oh you know [TS]

  like oh no and then also oh shit they're [TS]

  those leeches are all over us too and so [TS]

  we you know we all climbed out of there [TS]

  and had to head to it in that feeling in [TS]

  that state of complete panic figure out [TS]

  how to get the leeches off you know with [TS]

  somebody had to go find a lighter and [TS]

  and go through this whole terrible [TS]

  process and you know they were inside of [TS]

  our shorts and and so I have this leech [TS]

  this terrible each memory where every [TS]

  time my phone offers me an opportunity [TS]

  to make my cloud bigger I feel like [TS]

  there are leeches in my shorts and I [TS]

  can't get it right you get triggered I [TS]

  can never that's exactly right i can [TS]

  never shake that feeling and then all of [TS]

  a sudden I'm right back like sleeping in [TS]

  a tent with a kid that's trying to kill [TS]

  me and it's it spits I mean I wouldn't [TS]

  call it PTSD but it is a I do have some [TS]

  strong feelings [TS]

  uh-huh that's a hell of a story [TS]

  well that's a horrible or and while you [TS]

  were talking about just looking at was [TS]

  just wondering like it is in order for [TS]

  our bound to work it has to be hard or [TS]

  different be difficult on some level [TS]

  maybe not in the way that you're [TS]

  describing but like I'm just wondering [TS]

  like how often people just get injured [TS]

  or died doing it just seems like there [TS]

  must be horrible injuries whether or not [TS]

  it's from a felon with a knife in his [TS]

  boot it seems like people must die doing [TS]

  outbound it's very it can be very hard [TS]

  but i think that you know I think what [TS]

  ends up happening is you get really [TS]

  qualified guides and counselors and [TS]

  about but there's a lot of variation [TS]

  there right and so [TS]

  so in our case our two guides were when [TS]

  you at first at first blush you think [TS]

  like you know wow we we got the we got [TS]

  the we lucked out here because Mike our [TS]

  guide had hair down the middle of his [TS]

  back a long beard and his co guide was a [TS]

  woman that was like really strong and [TS]

  and and had a actually had a flattop [TS]

  haircut and this is 1983 I mean it was [TS]

  well it was really hard [TS]

  they were really hardcore outdoor [TS]

  superstars who could live off of moss [TS]

  and you know had that basically lived [TS]

  out out of doors for a long long time [TS]

  and we're very very capable but what [TS]

  they were not was youth guidance [TS]

  counselors or violence counselors and so [TS]

  their attitudes about all of the [TS]

  interpersonal shit going on between the [TS]

  kids was just like I mean they had no [TS]

  way to really they they did not counsel [TS]

  us and they had no way to impose [TS]

  discipline so they would say alright [TS]

  everybody you know here we are like [TS]

  unpack your tents and set them up and [TS]

  let's get a fire going and and start [TS]

  cooking dinner and like four kids would [TS]

  be like no fuck you and you can't you [TS]

  can't like you know sent to detention [TS]

  yeah right i mean we're already out [TS]

  where all right you can't exclude them [TS]

  from the group at that point you can't [TS]

  refuse to feed them and so because and [TS]

  the thing is they that at a certain [TS]

  point we got far enough out that none of [TS]

  these kids could escape just because if [TS]

  they left the group they would die in [TS]

  the wilderness so we were that we were [TS]

  we were bound together but that that [TS]

  tipping point where that I think that [TS]

  our bound works toward where you feel [TS]

  that we're that-that-that-that back [TS]

  a binding starts to feel like a family [TS]

  or something like you are live here [TS]

  really depending on one another and that [TS]

  that interdependence becomes a thing [TS]

  that you treasure and and that just [TS]

  never took root it was weeks and weeks [TS]

  of like these kids just just petulant [TS]

  and stealing and refusing and fighting [TS]

  and I and I was such a nerd that I that [TS]

  I really wanted to have the [TS]

  transformative experience right i'd read [TS]

  the literature i was like i'm gonna come [TS]

  out of this you know this is going to be [TS]

  the thing that makes me man you know [TS]

  even even as I was saying like I hate I [TS]

  hate my parents and being forced to do [TS]

  this there was that other side of me [TS]

  that was like I'm ready to embrace the [TS]

  transformative experience i'm ready to [TS]

  survive be a survivalist and and you [TS]

  know at every turn I was just sort of [TS]

  pushed because i was younger than they [TS]

  were I was this I was big but I was I [TS]

  was two years younger than every other [TS]

  kit and they just push my face in the [TS]

  dirt and just you know take my food out [TS]

  of my hand and and to dare me to do [TS]

  something about it [TS]

  I sense and how Halloween along route [TS]

  there Oh weeks and weeks i mean really [TS]

  you know is an intensive program and i [TS]

  think that i think the guidance [TS]

  counselors were our counselors I mean [TS]

  our guides were trying to that you know [TS]

  they were operating on the assumption [TS]

  that that this couldn't last forever [TS]

  eventually this Lord of the Flies stuff [TS]

  would would would mutate into brotherly [TS]

  love but it never did and I don't know [TS]

  if we were still out there together [TS]

  20-30 years later whether there would [TS]

  have ever been you know I think I think [TS]

  that was a classic group of kids that [TS]

  left to their own devices would have [TS]

  starved to death and died of exposure [TS]

  rather than ever [TS]

  band together to do something you know [TS]

  they wouldn't ya willing and willfully [TS]

  done it [TS]

  that's what makes you think that the [TS]

  kind of guides that they have are [TS]

  obviously they have to experience with [TS]

  you know a variety of challenges and all [TS]

  being outdoors for a long time you know [TS]

  outdoorsy people like it really seems [TS]

  like a irresponsible to have people who [TS]

  are able to almost like a drill team [TS]

  drill drill sergeant type but somebody [TS]

  who really knows how to get inside the [TS]

  head [TS]

  I mean just just because it really only [TS]

  takes one person going off the off the [TS]

  rails out there to really in danger a [TS]

  lot of people [TS]

  yeah it seems like not intervening at me [TS]

  know it sounds like that wasn't a [TS]

  strategy [TS]

  it was just like that's what they were [TS]

  capable of yeah exactly and that was the [TS]

  that was the thing when I when we saw [TS]

  that other group of of kids [TS]

  paddle paddle your paddle past us at a [TS]

  at an intersection of two lakes you know [TS]

  and they were headed this way and we [TS]

  were headed that way and they were [TS]

  singing at up until that point I had I [TS]

  felt like through those weeks that this [TS]

  was the experience that everyone was [TS]

  having and so this must be what outward [TS]

  bound is and this must be what they must [TS]

  do this on purpose and you come out the [TS]

  other side and it's like you went to [TS]

  it's like you want to like here at Camp [TS]

  your camp northstar anything like all [TS]

  the all the rich kids are over there [TS]

  Yeah right right i mean you know I felt [TS]

  like it it's like going to it's like [TS]

  going to jail except there are also [TS]

  mosquito bites but then they should be [TS]

  they should put that right on the [TS]

  brochure but then these other kids were [TS]

  having so much fun I realized that this [TS]

  wasn't the experience of of all of [TS]

  everybody that was doing this it was [TS]

  just what was happening to us and that [TS]

  was the thing that made me you know that [TS]

  was maybe my first experience with that [TS]

  feeling of like I still have 11 more [TS]

  days that I have to survive [TS]

  and I don't I cannot look 11 days into [TS]

  the future because I will I'll panic and [TS]

  a and i'll be paralyzed i have to just [TS]

  you know do what I'm doing right now [TS]

  get get to the end of today make it [TS]

  asleep and then you know tomorrow is a [TS]

  new day but that that sense of like I [TS]

  mean when you're 13 11 days might as [TS]

  well be a million days over and that you [TS]

  know and when i was when i was walking [TS]

  across Europe obviously I had a much [TS]

  bigger problem of like I still have [TS]

  three and a half months of this to do [TS]

  and uh huh so I just have to keep my you [TS]

  know keep my head down and put one foot [TS]

  in front of the other make that walk and [TS]

  so many of your other like self-imposed [TS]

  survival games seem it i had not heard [TS]

  you're our bound story so that I look at [TS]

  those things in a new way now because [TS]

  like you knew what it was like to be out [TS]

  there feeling desperate you put yourself [TS]

  in that situation many times after that [TS]

  yeah and I wonder whether or not that [TS]

  outward bound thing kind of set it cast [TS]

  the die a little bit and if i had if I'd [TS]

  gone to that and it had a a merry old [TS]

  time whether i'd have a different [TS]

  relationship to the sort of the [TS]

  survivalist um adventures that I play uh [TS]

  huh you know I don't I honestly don't [TS]

  know and the thing is like it you know i [TS]

  mean people who've been to our bound [TS]

  no one it's not like we sit and and and [TS]

  having counter sessions about our [TS]

  experience but i think a lot of people [TS]

  have wonderful experiences that outward [TS]

  bound and and so and you know obviously [TS]

  that was that was decades ago when i [TS]

  went so and and i and i still am glad [TS]

  that I experienced it but it was [TS]

  you know it was an example of of like [TS]

  what happens when you put your kid [TS]

  what would he try to you try to modify [TS]

  your kid by putting them through a very [TS]

  grueling experience rather than modify [TS]

  your kid rather than a not trying to [TS]

  modify your kid or be modify your kid by [TS]

  putting them in a like a panic trying to [TS]

  find a place where they can bloom that's [TS]

  that's what we actually went really [TS]

  thinking about right now is that down [TS]

  you know even as young as our kids are I [TS]

  I feel like we can probably both awesome [TS]

  holiday I'll speak for myself I can [TS]

  really see how you know what matters is [TS]

  the accumulation of what happened every [TS]

  day what happened yesterday what [TS]

  happened yesterday what happened like it [TS]

  that it's it's not so different from [TS]

  this from like the difference between [TS]

  like when did somebody get addicted to [TS]

  cigarettes was the first time i heard [TS]

  about cigarettes now was it the first [TS]

  cigarette they had probably not maybe [TS]

  with crack but not so much with smoking [TS]

  was it after the first pack now [TS]

  it was sometime between the first back [TS]

  in the day they died they got addicted [TS]

  and it's very difficult to pick out one [TS]

  day but you can you know at some point [TS]

  you can definitely say it's gonna be [TS]

  harder than not at this point to stop [TS]

  smoking just as one example and you know [TS]

  what sending somebody I don't know we're [TS]

  bound make that go away possibly it's [TS]

  just that we are the accumulation of so [TS]

  many little micro experiences micro [TS]

  decisions are you know little tiny [TS]

  things and it's I get some reason i [TS]

  mention here is I wonder you know it's [TS]

  it's kind of amazing anything ever works [TS]

  for something like that because you take [TS]

  somebody who's like could not be any way [TS]

  other than how they are in some ways [TS]

  good or bad I mean it's nice to think [TS]

  like oh yeah you have raised a good kid [TS]

  or this is a good person or you know [TS]

  this is the straight a kid or whatever [TS]

  but the thing is you are whatever you [TS]

  are and you so are whatever you are and [TS]

  it's amazing to think that any kind of [TS]

  cold water therapy like that works out [TS]

  at all unless it's really tuned to like [TS]

  for example you know i guess i can think [TS]

  of some kind of like I don't feel good [TS]

  TV show idea of like a kid who's [TS]

  actually very independent some kind of [TS]

  Captain Kirk character who's having [TS]

  trouble fitting in [TS]

  school and discovers they have [TS]

  leadership skills wants to put to a [TS]

  challenge [TS]

  yeah but I mean how do you know what's [TS]

  gonna be right for somebody how do you [TS]

  know whether that's just gonna make them [TS]

  horribly bitter and cover with leeches [TS]

  yeah yeah well and I think that our [TS]

  bound what did talk a lot about a [TS]

  leadership but I was 13 in a group of 15 [TS]

  year olds and I was never going to be [TS]

  accepted as a leader by them and when I [TS]

  would you know what i would say like a [TS]

  everybody can't we just like stopped [TS]

  fighting for a minute and try and get [TS]

  this fire built up what that would do is [TS]

  it would turn their attention back to me [TS]

  for just long enough for everybody to [TS]

  agree that the thing to do right now is [TS]

  to throw rocks at John like whatever [TS]

  their other fighting was you know if i [TS]

  am going to set that aside to just pass [TS]

  on you [TS]

  yeah they would all band together to [TS]

  destroy somebody if that person stuck [TS]

  their head up like there was a Jewish [TS]

  kid from salt lake city and like the [TS]

  first hour of the first day the other [TS]

  kids agreed that his name was bagel you [TS]

  know and but he was also from salt lake [TS]

  so that confused them a lot but like you [TS]

  know imagine imagine being called bagel [TS]

  for a month and he was you know he was [TS]

  sent there for some kind of juvenile a [TS]

  reformation to but he he wasn't violent [TS]

  but the thing was he knew that he [TS]

  couldn't really align himself with me [TS]

  either because if he applied himself [TS]

  with me like I was the one I was the [TS]

  weakest so he needed to when when the [TS]

  time came to that they were dumping on [TS]

  me he needed to join in that to ya I [TS]

  mean it sounds like basic seventh-grade [TS]

  kind of stuff yeah right and that [TS]

  because all he was hoping was that they [TS]

  wouldn't turn their attention on him so [TS]

  i mean the the and and i look at it when [TS]

  I when I you know I spent a lot of time [TS]

  looking at the criminal justice system [TS]

  and the I this cold water therapy thing [TS]

  where you bust some kid for selling pot [TS]

  and instead of slapping his hand and [TS]

  send him home to his mother because he's [TS]

  a black kid you put him in jail we put [TS]

  him in juvenile detention and then it [TS]

  gets out and his next crime is just that [TS]

  he didn't show up for his meeting right [TS]

  and so then that's a different kind of [TS]

  each yeah then like people have to pay [TS]

  them all those fines and all those fees [TS]

  for things those are just leeches [TS]

  ligious that's right and so then you can [TS]

  eat then he gets a fine because he [TS]

  didn't show up for his meeting and then [TS]

  he doesn't pay the fine and then it's [TS]

  you know that's a serious problem [TS]

  because now he's defaulting and so [TS]

  that's another charge and pretty soon [TS]

  you get somebody who never did anything [TS]

  you know their initial crime was just I [TS]

  mean when I think about the number of [TS]

  people in the United States right now [TS]

  who are in jail for pot yeah and we are [TS]

  on the verge of legalizing pot [TS]

  nationwide it's certainly legal here [TS]

  there are there are people standing in [TS]

  front of the jail smoking legal pot [TS]

  while people inside the jail who were [TS]

  sent to jail for pot look out the [TS]

  windows at them and you know and like [TS]

  went to jail for pot and then when they [TS]

  got out failed to report to their parole [TS]

  officer and went to jail for a parole [TS]

  violation and you know in the end up in [TS]

  jail in jail in jail in jail and they [TS]

  get out of jail and they can't find a [TS]

  job because they have a jail record and [TS]

  all for nothing and it's and it's and [TS]

  it's based on this idea that like [TS]

  sending somebody to jail is going to see [TS]

  that first time is going to straighten [TS]

  him up and it's such a faulty notion [TS]

  that's based in in the Calvinists that [TS]

  in that strange Calvinism thats that's [TS]

  buried a hundred feet deep in the [TS]

  American psyche largely largely [TS]

  unexamined place-- yeah but there's but [TS]

  the the weekend all again she's right [TS]

  that there is this that they're weak i [TS]

  think we can all agree that this person [TS]

  has some kind of ill humors [TS]

  that need to be worked out of them right [TS]

  yeah we need to dump them in the pond it [TS]

  its it's virtually is virtually medieval [TS]

  yeah but any time somebody tries to [TS]

  solve any of these problems once he's [TS]

  like hearing you say that somebody sick [TS]

  to my stomach just when you talk about [TS]

  this like it's it's so gross thing i'm [TS]

  on someone public radio the other day [TS]

  about everybody everybody for years now [TS]

  everybody's always and homelessness all [TS]

  this is easy problem just go you just [TS]

  gotta build shelters like you're being a [TS]

  homeless shelter like it's not a great [TS]

  place to be [TS]

  oh you just gotta do this you just gotta [TS]

  do that sometimes comes along try to [TS]

  come up with something really novel like [TS]

  you're talking about the thing while [TS]

  back about like actually setting people [TS]

  up and giving them a house and place to [TS]

  live you know and that actually helps [TS]

  the homeless problem because now they're [TS]

  not homeless anymore [TS]

  really wait a minute that's cheating [TS]

  like you can actually help them you know [TS]

  but this this piece was about just you [TS]

  know I it's so fascinating and so as I [TS]

  say so so like stomach-churning we get [TS]

  into the implementation details are [TS]

  trying to fix this because you know [TS]

  people here joking about how much poop [TS]

  through is on the streets here and you [TS]

  said this in in that article that [TS]

  interview with you like nobody poops on [TS]

  the street because they want to they do [TS]

  it because there's nowhere else to go [TS]

  and it's not these people are they they [TS]

  may have mental health issues but [TS]

  they're not crazy [TS]

  I'll give you that and so in this case [TS]

  we're talking about how do you deal with [TS]

  like this one of the single biggest [TS]

  problems that people who are homeless or [TS]

  on the edge have is like what to do with [TS]

  their stuff when they're doing something [TS]

  else like if you like if you want to try [TS]

  and get a job like where you get close [TS]

  where do you get a shower and how do you [TS]

  have your five shopping carts be looked [TS]

  after like while you're trying to get a [TS]

  job it's virtually impossible and people [TS]

  don't really think about that [TS]

  implementation detail it's so mundane [TS]

  and so extremely sad that you don't kind [TS]

  of want to think about it too much but [TS]

  like that's that's that's daily life [TS]

  daily life for them is I have this is [TS]

  everything that I have in the entire [TS]

  world and it looks like it looks like [TS]

  junk to you about this is what i have [TS]

  and like you know what are the steps [TS]

  between here and like now I'm providing [TS]

  for myself in this you know studio [TS]

  apartment right so many steps [TS]

  well you just think about the number of [TS]

  times that i have uh I have prioritized [TS]

  that straightening out my file of [TS]

  envelopes [TS]

  right like I have a I have a and I have [TS]

  an enormous closet that's not an [TS]

  enormous closet but it is a closet that [TS]

  is full of stationary now you find good [TS]

  vintage envelopes or good ventilation [TS]

  air you gotta put it somewhere [TS]

  vintage envelopes a 90 I am so my [TS]

  listeners think I'm kidding I'm not [TS]

  kidding colored colored typing paper [TS]

  really nice folders back when these to [TS]

  make good folders utiful folders heavy [TS]

  heavy bond hard stock yet and and then [TS]

  all of the sort of like vintage [TS]

  postcards and stuff all unused and all [TS]

  and I'm stockpiling it in the in the [TS]

  hope that i will one day return to males [TS]

  correspondence that i will one day [TS]

  sit down with my cursive typewriter your [TS]

  hand here in a pistol Larry survivalist [TS]

  and write a heartfelt letters on scented [TS]

  stationery that is you know from 19th [TS]

  century france and mail these things but [TS]

  you know I have all this stuff and [TS]

  what's funny is that the the time I [TS]

  don't it's not like i have recently [TS]

  spent any time organizing it but i have [TS]

  spent time with this material it gives [TS]

  me good great pleasure but i have [TS]

  prioritized that over other things like [TS]

  I need to go straighten out my [TS]

  stationery right now instead of work on [TS]

  my book or my new album or get some [TS]

  exercise right you know and so I'm very [TS]

  aware of a major problem i think that [TS]

  that that we that we never really think [TS]

  about which is that one of the one of [TS]

  the primary problems that people with [TS]

  mental health issues have is [TS]

  prioritization and I'm incredibly [TS]

  sympathetic to the to the idea or to the [TS]

  just the the knowledge that so often you [TS]

  say listen you need to secure these [TS]

  necessities before you worry about your [TS]

  five shopping carts full of you know [TS]

  taco bell cups and the and the person is [TS]

  like I am resisting what you're saying [TS]

  like you have no idea how important [TS]

  these shopping carts full of talk [TS]

  Bell cups are and that I mean that [TS]

  little switch is something that I [TS]

  experienced all the time personally but [TS]

  I'm on the other side of offense but I [TS]

  could see myself very easily suffering a [TS]

  series of of defeats and just not being [TS]

  able to just practice uh-huh kind of [TS]

  understanding of like the next step I [TS]

  mean the next step is so is for some [TS]

  people always so clear and for me is [TS]

  always so ya covered with vines right [TS]

  the next step is just it's just a ball [TS]

  of lines but the the you know more [TS]

  importantly like that I a dark or in our [TS]

  culture in particular you can always as [TS]

  you as you start trying to treat [TS]

  homelessness we start trying to address [TS]

  the criminal justice system or you know [TS]

  anyone to be you start dealing with [TS]

  income inequality you always push down [TS]

  push down and you get to a certain level [TS]

  of certain a certain tipping point with [TS]

  almost anybody you talk to where you [TS]

  arrive at the moment where they feel [TS]

  like wait a minute now that's not fair [TS]

  like that person has not done anything [TS]

  to deserve food and shelter [TS]

  yeah it's a Kobayashi Maru it's like you [TS]

  you with this is this the way this game [TS]

  it works is not in the way that it seems [TS]

  and if you actually do the steps they're [TS]

  needed to win this game you will by [TS]

  definition be cheating cheating right [TS]

  yeah right because because there's [TS]

  someone over here who is working hard [TS]

  and they are barely making it because [TS]

  it's meritocracy and that's right so [TS]

  this person is working hard and they're [TS]

  barely making it look at that you go [TS]

  right that is not i mean that is unfair [TS]

  but that person is really working hard [TS]

  and then you talk about providing an [TS]

  apartment for a homeless person and [TS]

  three squares a day which is what this [TS]

  other person who's working hard is [TS]

  barely achieving for themselves and you [TS]

  just go well you can't just give that [TS]

  away to somebody [TS]

  that wouldn't be fair and that's the [TS]

  point at which you can say well then [TS]

  that person goes and lives in the bushes [TS]

  because that's what they deserve and [TS]

  addressing that cognitive struggle in [TS]

  our culture is like so hard because you [TS]

  don't eat no one's really aware where [TS]

  it's coming from where that lesson [TS]

  originates that if you don't work if you [TS]

  don't try then then ultimately like you [TS]

  deserve to die [TS]

  you deserve to be pushed out of the [TS]

  village and wander the desert and uh you [TS]

  know in the end the the standard for [TS]

  even being able to stay in in the game [TS]

  at the lowest level now is so much [TS]

  higher than it's ever been [TS]

  oh god yes you can't live in the city [TS]

  unless you are really really working [TS]

  hard [TS]

  John we have we are you know Oh to every [TS]

  couple months comic meet up and I really [TS]

  really nice guy and and is a girlfriend [TS]

  came there just get ready to move here [TS]

  from Atlanta and is so funny i feel like [TS]

  had this conversation with people so [TS]

  often where I I i want all the words [TS]

  that come out of my mouth to be welcome [TS]

  i really hope you enjoy here uh and I I [TS]

  in my head I'm forming those words and I [TS]

  want this to be the words that come out [TS]

  but instead all that comes out is it [TS]

  like a series of size and like I was [TS]

  like oh I have helped you like the movie [TS]

  is the worst attempt to not it's [TS]

  terrible [TS]

  don't come here it's bad it's really bad [TS]

  if you don't think it's bad [TS]

  you're the problem but if you don't [TS]

  think this town is it's like living [TS]

  inside of a godspeed you black emperor [TS]

  song like it is disintegrating around us [TS]

  and if you don't see that like it's [TS]

  totally snowpiercer like you are in a [TS]

  much you're a different part of the [TS]

  mother fucking train if you do not see [TS]

  the shitstorm that everybody in this [TS]

  town is living through [TS]

  but don't want that to come out as [TS]

  congratulations on the move i hope the [TS]

  job works out for you uh-huh [TS]

  but but instead that that's that's how [TS]

  it comes out because you know it's so [TS]

  strange to me and I didn't get that I'm [TS]

  not gonna be that guy but here's the [TS]

  thing like twitter has this really nice [TS]

  building in a part of town that is now [TS]

  kind of like once want to kind of fancy [TS]

  up because it's where twitter is and [TS]

  stuff but it's so strange that you know [TS]

  you've been to like too long you know [TS]

  that area like around six the market [TS]

  like you know between kind of the civic [TS]

  center like you know west of civic [TS]

  center but it's it's pretty bad it's [TS]

  pretty gross and it's just it's so [TS]

  strange to me that that some of the [TS]

  folks who are the most fortunate like [TS]

  are walking straight past some of the [TS]

  greediest stuff i don't have to go there [TS]

  very often i had to be there a couple [TS]

  weeks ago for something for an event and [TS]

  i was i was shocked like walking out of [TS]

  the civic center bart and walking up it [TS]

  was like okay this is this is really is [TS]

  like something from a science-fiction [TS]

  dystopia it's so gross and so desperate [TS]

  and anyway welcome my friend from [TS]

  Atlanta [TS]

  i I uh I hope I hope this gradual asians [TS]

  okay you know i mean every dystopian [TS]

  movie there is like a clear separation [TS]

  between the haves and the have-nots like [TS]

  there there's always a metaphorical wall [TS]

  right there is always a train that you [TS]

  have to make it through several armored [TS]

  doors to get to the front and left to [TS]

  right back to front [TS]

  what's amazing about San Francisco and [TS]

  Seattle is that if there's no I mean [TS]

  there are walls obviously like people [TS]

  retreat behind walls but I in the in the [TS]

  main complex of the city [TS]

  the walls are all in people's minds you [TS]

  know you come down it when in your in [TS]

  your skinny pants and you go across the [TS]

  street to get a al $11 coffee beverage [TS]

  that was pooped out of a monkey's butt [TS]

  and and you make it back across the [TS]

  street and back into the lobby and up [TS]

  and you just did not see the [TS]

  like the economic carnage that you had [TS]

  to literally step over to get to get the [TS]

  monkey poop coffee right so I mean I [TS]

  yeah I sympathize with with the young [TS]

  rich people who are embracing a radical [TS]

  ideology you know there are a lot of [TS]

  young there are a lot of millennial kids [TS]

  with a lot of opportunity who are [TS]

  channeling that frustration into into [TS]

  ideologies they're not the most [TS]

  self-reflective people either but it [TS]

  really does feel like some something is [TS]

  something's got to happen and I don't [TS]

  want it to be something something's [TS]

  gonna happen i don't want to be a [TS]

  violent revolution like that doesn't [TS]

  interest me and I don't think that's a [TS]

  very good solution i think historically [TS]

  just in the last 200 years we can look [TS]

  back at all the violent revolutions and [TS]

  it does it's not too hard to say that [TS]

  Martin Luther King and Gandhi had and [TS]

  Mother Teresa had much better long-term [TS]

  results from the way that from their [TS]

  practice then the revolutions of 1917 or [TS]

  1848 or even 1968 so i want to i want i [TS]

  want everybody to hear and see and get [TS]

  engaged and start making a difference [TS]

  but boy speaking as somebody who is [TS]

  trying to do that it's not it is not [TS]

  easy because it like you say those walls [TS]

  those walls are there even if they're [TS]

  not there we can mentally make those [TS]

  walls its issues you know it's so weird [TS]

  me one for me personally maybe one [TS]

  barometer of how good I feel about the [TS]

  culture is is how much I'm constantly [TS]

  reminded of the movie Brazil [TS]

  and I'm thinking a lot about Brazil [TS]

  lately and in this case now I'm thinking [TS]

  of that wonderful city wonderful [TS]

  horrible scene with her at the [TS]

  restaurant say that number in there and [TS]

  in the restaurant and a bomb goes off [TS]

  and people are bleeding and dying and [TS]

  and so that of course then all the way [TS]

  to rush around to bring up like folding [TS]

  screen so people don't wanna see the [TS]

  victims while they're still eating the [TS]

  other thing with the oskins keeps coming [TS]

  to me in a dream [TS]

  oh my God he's so great i right i [TS]

  referenced Brazil to somebody the other [TS]

  day in a political conversation and I [TS]

  was just created by blank stares this [TS]

  area have we really are always so are we [TS]

  so far [TS]

  oh my god i just brazil was the language [TS]

  that movie is so relevant today that its [TS]

  kind of appalling that was that relevant [TS]

  in 1986 or whatever it was it's it seems [TS]

  impossible that movie has is just seems [TS]

  to make more sense all the time not just [TS]

  the bureaucracy but just the [TS]

  ineffectiveness the the ineffectiveness [TS]

  and a callous and uh he said i'm martin [TS]

  luther king i write something down [TS]

  together has been a last week was kind [TS]

  of a big week for America and the one of [TS]

  the quotes people kept tossing out great [TS]

  quote from martin luther king at the arc [TS]

  of the moral universe is long but it [TS]

  bends towards justice [TS]

  yeah I i use that quote a lot and and [TS]

  the response over the last several years [TS]

  from people on the left has been really [TS]

  do you really think that's true [TS]

  like there's been so much cynicism right [TS]

  because you have you have a very [TS]

  optimistic approach this is saying that [TS]

  like in the case of seattle for folks [TS]

  who don't know you say you said over and [TS]

  over we're on the brink of something [TS]

  really amazing happening in seattle and [TS]

  why can't everyone see that things are [TS]

  getting better we have a liberal utopian [TS]

  some ways now we have to get the [TS]

  implementation details right right and [TS]

  and you know and ultimately like I'm a [TS]

  historian or I have a historians view of [TS]

  things and so if you look at the if you [TS]

  look at that arc in historical contexts [TS]

  really in any one you want to choose its [TS]

  it's absolutely true [TS]

  it bends toward justice and so that [TS]

  cynicism is just from people that are [TS]

  that can only see five years [TS]

  on either side or the don't think that [TS]

  way at all [TS]

  um and are only responding to how [TS]

  they're feeling right now or 216 [TS]

  politically expedient to say but yes of [TS]

  course we're making progress everything [TS]

  we've ever done as human beings has been [TS]

  a progression towards something that we [TS]

  never talked about or try to define and [TS]

  you know there are a lot of people who [TS]

  believe that that progression is is a a [TS]

  kingdom after death or that progression [TS]

  is to like have to personally ascend or [TS]

  to climb through reincarnation a ladder [TS]

  of enlightenment or you know there are [TS]

  all these ideas about what happens to [TS]

  you but we never talk about what we're [TS]

  doing what happens to us and what we've [TS]

  been through as as a written as a [TS]

  species and the progression we've made [TS]

  and I mean we see we see that the d the [TS]

  destruction we have wrought and we can [TS]

  look at ourselves as a kind of vermin or [TS]

  plague on the earth that has gradually [TS]

  sort of you know just as just as any [TS]

  kind of parasite you know at first you [TS]

  don't notice it and then pretty soon [TS]

  there's some discoloration on your arm [TS]

  and then pretty soon it's you know you [TS]

  can really see the destruction and your [TS]

  hair falls out you know that's kinda if [TS]

  you did a time-lapse of the earth over [TS]

  the last 50,000 years like human beings [TS]

  have been here a long time and you did [TS]

  we wouldn't have noticed them but is [TS]

  just recently who we've reached the [TS]

  level of like parasitic overpopulation [TS]

  where the where we're starting to kill [TS]

  the host but at the same time we have [TS]

  like done so such incredible things and [TS]

  have built such an incredible hive [TS]

  and have conceived of such incredible [TS]

  notions you know we invented the idea of [TS]

  0 as far as we know right there's no [TS]

  zero in nature of who we invented in [TS]

  that and and and that's that's [TS]

  impressive work and so but we never said [TS]

  we never stop and say like leaving aside [TS]

  Valhalla and and heaven where you're [TS]

  reunited with your ancestors like what [TS]

  is our long-term goal how do we think [TS]

  about our goal for Humanity that what [TS]

  that will that is generations-long right [TS]

  other than just build build build right [TS]

  right [TS]

  what is our what's our long-term plan [TS]

  now and we're at we're finally at a [TS]

  place where we can where we can talk [TS]

  about this because but prior to this in [TS]

  human history it's just like fruit for [TS]

  for millennia was just like season to [TS]

  season like how to stay alive [TS]

  yeah how do we stay alive how do we beat [TS]

  back nature and and persist and then you [TS]

  know certain certain places it kind of [TS]

  morphed into like okay we don't need to [TS]

  you know my family at least says rich [TS]

  guy in 900 AD like my family's going to [TS]

  survive now now how do i consolidate [TS]

  power and money to myself so that I can [TS]

  protect my treiber you know I mean all [TS]

  these evolutions of the idea but we're [TS]

  only now this is one of these ideas [TS]

  about like the nation's power of the [TS]

  internet only now are we able to see [TS]

  through the through the broad sweep of [TS]

  time that we have the ability to start [TS]

  making plans for ourselves and our [TS]

  cities and at where we're talking you [TS]

  know this whole sustainability movement [TS]

  is is a long-term game or there's no way [TS]

  we can even know what that will look [TS]

  like if it's exceeding Yeah right right [TS]

  you'll never know but you have to make [TS]

  sacrifices and play a role in in a in an [TS]

  ultimate goal that you're just a [TS]

  you know you're just one of millions of [TS]

  participants in and yeah that's that's [TS]

  very exciting and it could be very it [TS]

  could be really uniting well yeah that's [TS]

  why I actually why I brought up that [TS]

  quote and I'm glad you said what you [TS]

  said because it is actually underscores [TS]

  what i was thinking and let me first of [TS]

  all like you when you talk about stuff [TS]

  like what we thought the internet would [TS]

  do for us you know the Internet has [TS]

  ended up being something that we mainly [TS]

  use to amplify what we think or or [TS]

  amplify you know what we want to have [TS]

  heard about ourselves and about the [TS]

  things that we care about but in talking [TS]

  about the how the more arc of the moral [TS]

  universe is long but it bends towards [TS]

  justice when you thought we were talking [TS]

  earlier about how you deal with stuff [TS]

  like homelessness for these kind of [TS]

  problems i think the attractor the [TS]

  magnet that helps pull that arc in a lot [TS]

  of ways if you look back in retrospect [TS]

  it was succeeded at so much of those [TS]

  times along the way is when we to the [TS]

  extent possible kept reducing our sense [TS]

  of who is the other if you look at [TS]

  anything that has ever gotten better [TS]

  about people it's about realizing there [TS]

  really isn't any such thing as another I [TS]

  mean we needed that other one was about [TS]

  traps right if you want to do is 900 AD [TS]

  and you want to keep your castle going [TS]

  like you had their everybody was another [TS]

  except for this group [TS]

  it's just that you know you look at [TS]

  what's happened in the past week [TS]

  think about where we were two years ago [TS]

  let alone ten years ago was thinking [TS]

  about like who's allowed to love each [TS]

  other publicly i think a big amount of [TS]

  that i'm far from the first person to [TS]

  set point this out but it helps a lot [TS]

  when you start realizing first of all [TS]

  there's a lot more of that kind of [TS]

  people that I thought isn't that [TS]

  interesting it's not really you know one [TS]

  in 10 or less it could be a lot more [TS]

  than that and it could be a lot more [TS]

  complicated than that then you also [TS]

  start to realize they're not they're not [TS]

  monsters [TS]

  maybe they deserve to be human beings in [TS]

  a way that didn't expect just by having [TS]

  respect for the fact that i've not been [TS]

  exposed to those people and I see that [TS]

  they are just people and I'm the monster [TS]

  that I think a lot of that has happened [TS]

  in the last two years on me again I'll [TS]

  speak for myself in some ways so kind of [TS]

  stuff from where I'm the real monster [TS]

  here like all these other people that I [TS]

  think are our impending on the thing [TS]

  that I'd like to announce our are not [TS]

  the problem [TS]

  the problem is i'm not paying enough [TS]

  attention to who I think is the other [TS]

  and like what kind of case they have how [TS]

  sad is that they have to even make a [TS]

  case you do what I mean I i agree that [TS]

  there that there is no other and [TS]

  ultimately i mean i remember when i was [TS]

  in high school I had a couple of good [TS]

  friends who were really conservatives [TS]

  you know high school conservatives right [TS]

  they love jack kemp he was their hero [TS]

  and they were this kind of they were [TS]

  they the Young Republicans who have a [TS]

  sort of sharp dressed and sharp-edged [TS]

  ideology and that you know that makes [TS]

  them feel very kind of superior and cool [TS]

  particularly when they can trust [TS]

  themselves against the like soft [TS]

  liberalism right soft and wasteful [TS]

  liberalism and these guys were a couple [TS]

  of my really close friends we we shared [TS]

  a we shared tastes in music and we [TS]

  shared tastes in comedy and we enjoyed [TS]

  each other's company but we just could [TS]

  not and actually we enjoyed arguing [TS]

  about politics that was a thing that [TS]

  that sort of you bound us together in a [TS]

  way but though that the way that they [TS]

  they had a quote that that they would [TS]

  use to kind of try to defeat me in [TS]

  arguments when I would start talking too [TS]

  much about collective action or [TS]

  collective thinking and I think one of [TS]

  them had seen it on a bumper sticker one [TS]

  time and they would just throw it in my [TS]

  face [TS]

  they would you know i untied be spinning [TS]

  this like story about how they're there [TS]

  was no race it was just a construct and [TS]

  we needed to you know and that's that [TS]

  1986 or 95 or whatever that wasn't as [TS]

  popularly known and these guys would [TS]

  stare at me and go one planet one people [TS]

  please [TS]

  which was a bumper sticker i guess like [TS]

  a little like a liberal like the kind of [TS]

  thing you buy at the coop food store [TS]

  yeah one planet one people please [TS]

  and you know that and I would kind of [TS]

  stand there and go like yeah actually [TS]

  right i mean one planet [TS]

  you can't dispute that one people pretty [TS]

  much pretty much one people if you if [TS]

  you think about it and the please part I [TS]

  don't know what to tell you like I don't [TS]

  know what to say you would you rather it [TS]

  be one planet one people by force but [TS]

  it's also it's also getting something [TS]

  that I happen to ya I don't love feeling [TS]

  this way but agree on which is that [TS]

  liberals can be insufferable just the [TS]

  worst would be great day when our [TS]

  schools have all the money they needed [TS]

  air force has to have a big sale [TS]

  biopolymer first fall it's too fucking [TS]

  long to have a proper stick-up you need [TS]

  to edit that shit down like you can read [TS]

  it it's too small one planet when people [TS]

  please got got edited down to coexist [TS]

  with all the little symbols and the bond [TS]

  oh my god that is that is so perfect [TS]

  that is such a perfect summary of what [TS]

  is annoying about liberals the first of [TS]

  all are using all of these different [TS]

  symbols to form an English word they're [TS]

  like they're fucking with all of these [TS]

  very important symbols of different [TS]

  peoples and faiths to make an [TS]

  english-language we're going to make a [TS]

  font make it fun yeah that they can be [TS]

  put on their their suburban or whatever [TS]

  god I i showed up at my office today and [TS]

  my office manager the manager of the [TS]

  building slipped a key fob under the [TS]

  door for me the key fob being the new [TS]

  way that we're going to enter and exit [TS]

  the building what's keyless entry [TS]

  keyless entry one key fob fob and the [TS]

  key fob is is built in such a way that [TS]

  there's really no way to carry it except [TS]

  on your key ring it is a key fob it's [TS]

  that you can't slip it in your wallet he [TS]

  camps [TS]

  it's it's small enough that it would get [TS]

  lost if you didn't put it somewhere and [TS]

  so I have to put it on my keys now but [TS]

  it's made out of that that kind of party [TS]

  colored plastic that all IBM pcs are [TS]

  made out of [TS]

  yeah it's like that Universal uh [TS]

  parti-colored dingus plastic color it's [TS]

  pretty dangerous putting his fingers [TS]

  buddy thanks bye [TS]

  and and so I have this thing on my keys [TS]

  that now basically makes it look like [TS]

  Mikey's got lost and this is the tag [TS]

  that they put on them in lost and found [TS]

  it looks like a piece of evidence now or [TS]

  it looks like like I curate the look of [TS]

  my keys right I'm I'm I'm not a I'm not [TS]

  just some person with a bunch of dumb [TS]

  keys like I have a little leather flap [TS]

  that has a that's tool a little too [TS]

  leather flap on my key ring that has a [TS]

  little kitten on it for four and then I [TS]

  arrange my keys in a in the order that I [TS]

  that I prefer to find them and one of [TS]

  the keys has a little piece of red tape [TS]

  on it and one of the keys is branded [TS]

  seattle seahawks and now i have and [TS]

  they're a couple of keys that are night [TS]

  like nice classic-looking keys like old [TS]

  older keys heavy style keys that I'm [TS]

  very proud of and then i have this [TS]

  fucking biggest party [TS]

  uh-huh going on here and I know this is [TS]

  meant to make my life better [TS]

  I know I understand that it's but it's [TS]

  part of the modernization project [TS]

  yeah but it'sit's so hegemonic it's it's [TS]

  it's sort of like you know I have a [TS]

  feeling that for years now you think [TS]

  about all those dumb loyalty programs [TS]

  like you know you by nine subs and you [TS]

  get a free sub or you can have what we [TS]

  call check-cashing card if you want to [TS]

  get the discount at the grocery store [TS]

  I mean I imagine that in some way the [TS]

  technology has existed for years to do [TS]

  what most of us do now which is in our [TS]

  phone number at the thing you don't want [TS]

  to but you want to discount right but I [TS]

  think [TS]

  technology is probably existed for years [TS]

  i think the real trick to having this [TS]

  loyalty cards is having a constant [TS]

  advertisement in your wallet for this [TS]

  place that's what the way look at the [TS]

  card is because when you're doing your [TS]

  little taxonomy of keys and figuring out [TS]

  in this case what goes in your wallet [TS]

  you have to decide which one of those [TS]

  are important enough but now like right [TS]

  now is your driver's license your credit [TS]

  card a picture of your kid is a little [TS]

  thing about subs you carry around [TS]

  advertisement about subs in your wallet [TS]

  all the time which is brilliant [TS]

  if you can think about it pretty [TS]

  brilliant that they pull that off and [TS]

  that's what's happening with all these [TS]

  things these guys ago that thing I buddy [TS]

  is this means is that they want when you [TS]

  buy a fucking car now they want to carry [TS]

  this thing is the size of a large [TS]

  matchbox uh-huh but with a car the car [TS]

  we got last year I can't I like what it [TS]

  would do we really need to have a key [TS]

  this large uh-huh [TS]

  because it doesn't want to be a key it [TS]

  wants to be the nexus of keys it was [TS]

  that that's the hegemony is college [TS]

  going back to last week but that's what [TS]

  going back to last week but that's what [TS]

  to be it doesn't want to be a kinky [TS]

  wants to be king of the keys and [TS]

  everybody else believes unto Him kinky [TS]

  kinky low was betide you how how many [TS]

  dinguses do you have on [TS]

  yeah it's you know that guy you wanna [TS]

  know the truth I have the most basic you [TS]

  know the kind of key chain where you [TS]

  open up your thumbnail and put these on [TS]

  there [TS]

  yep two keys whoa what was that you ski [TS]

  ski office key i spent 48 years getting [TS]

  it down to two keys [TS]

  I used to think it was a sign of status [TS]

  to have many keys many people still [TS]

  believe this but i know i have i have [TS]

  those two keys if I need the car key i [TS]

  grab the car key to key not having a car [TS]

  key on there also means i drive less two [TS]

  keys so I'm you know the thing is also [TS]

  like I don't have a lot of dell like I [TS]

  don't boats and stuff like that and i'm [TS]

  not trying to look down on people to do [TS]

  but like to me that's freedom is fewer [TS]

  keys [TS]

  mhm is somebody should definitely attend [TS]

  creative fewer keys because every key [TS]

  you get is another thing you have to [TS]

  take care of now i remember when i had [TS]

  zero keys in my twenties and I really [TS]

  living in the minivan i was living in [TS]

  the minivan and I didn't even have a key [TS]

  to it and then I got story they did I [TS]

  what does a huge deal as they like [TS]

  here's a key to the house if you really [TS]

  need it don't abuse it right yeah I got [TS]

  a key and then when I got a job I got a [TS]

  key to my my work and I had a key to an [TS]

  apartment and a key to my work and then [TS]

  that I had those two keys for a long [TS]

  time and then i got i was like the [TS]

  assistant manager and they gave me a [TS]

  different key just the newsstand the [TS]

  newsstand three keys and then my mom [TS]

  moved to town and I had a key to her [TS]

  house for keys and I didn't get a car I [TS]

  didn't you know I didn't get a car in [TS]

  seattle until I was about 30 years old [TS]

  and then I had a key to that and at a [TS]

  certain point when the earth in the [TS]

  early long winters to her days you had [TS]

  like I remember so many key you look [TS]

  like a superintendent you had that giant [TS]

  a small it with all the currencies of [TS]

  the world in it [TS]

  and all of the the money the band made [TS]

  you a giant giant truckers wallet and [TS]

  you had a huge Yankees you like a [TS]

  superintendent yeah i did i did i was [TS]

  and you know I was probably wearing a [TS]

  hat that said King ropes Sheridan [TS]

  Wyoming or or you know [TS]

  Marvins gas and go tight women loose in [TS]

  here [TS]

  no no you for years you had had to sit [TS]

  chick magnet on it [TS]

  chick magnet because I believe in truth [TS]

  in advertising but now i have i have [TS]

  this key ring that has you know that's [TS]

  been that's been really good office keys [TS]

  house keys and now i have a fuckin [TS]

  dingus on and I just I it's only been on [TS]

  there for the length of this program I [TS]

  was putting it on my key ring as I as I [TS]

  was sitting here waiting for you to call [TS]

  and I'm just looking at I'm trying to [TS]

  figure out you know the dingus kind of [TS]

  sticks out at an angle from the rest of [TS]

  the keys because so good i couldn't have [TS]

  it on there i used to have like a little [TS]

  aluminum arm bottle cap opener here this [TS]

  looks super light little things even [TS]

  that was too much I had to take that off [TS]

  of there [TS]

  so what do i do I put this on a rope [TS]

  around my neck I married a backpack and [TS]

  give me a cancer [TS]

  um I carry my briefcase because i am a [TS]

  serious candidate for public office to [TS]

  me like in my lifestyle that's good that [TS]

  screams backpack to me you know it's [TS]

  just but I mean are you with me a little [TS]

  bit on the gem anything like it seems [TS]

  like everything wants to be the center [TS]

  of everything now [TS]

  yeah and and like I think about how many [TS]

  things are becoming more externalized [TS]

  where you used to have [TS]

  I must go way back you have a pocket [TS]

  watch in your pocket you'd have a you [TS]

  know a billfold in your inner jacket you [TS]

  might have you might have kids but like [TS]

  very few of your items of flair would be [TS]

  external now when i go pick up my kid to [TS]

  camp for the zoo this especially with [TS]

  the women like I guess I want to carry a [TS]

  purse or something but they're walking [TS]

  around with all this stuff they have [TS]

  these giant like a jailer with this [TS]

  giant ring of keys too many many [TS]

  minivans little matchboxes on there they [TS]

  got a phone and maybe an ipad they got a [TS]

  wallet it's like the people just carry [TS]

  that stuff around with them know it [TS]

  seems it seems so strange to me [TS]

  well like I I never go anywhere without [TS]

  a jacket and a backpack [TS]

  you always need a jacket and backpack [TS]

  because it's you know and and and look [TS]

  here's the thing like with my kid [TS]

  can I I my wife and I go around on this [TS]

  sometimes we will be 70 in the morning [TS]

  and I'm like listen I don't care if it's [TS]

  80 the thing is the arcade is being [TS]

  raised in san francisco and she will [TS]

  learn to always have a jacket that [TS]

  always yes never not have a jacket [TS]

  because here's the thing you can take it [TS]

  off [TS]

  we r pacific coast people yeah and you [TS]

  need a jacket a light jacket like i'm [TS]

  here with children will be born wearing [TS]

  fleece I went the other day i was lucky [TS]

  enough to meet a guy who runs a company [TS]

  that is to devising or building out [TS]

  vr and they are technologies em and i [TS]

  went to their shop and AR augmented [TS]

  reality augmented one that went to the [TS]

  shop and I put on an oculus headset boop [TS]

  and I was ushered into a virtual reality [TS]

  universe and given several tours of [TS]

  different virtual realities and try on a [TS]

  couple of headsets including the one [TS]

  that the one made of cardboard [TS]

  I think we're going to google and google [TS]

  one yeah and some others the way you [TS]

  just kind of slip you're big you're big [TS]

  nokia phone into a slot and all of a [TS]

  sudden it's a it functions as a VR right [TS]

  and you know the state of the technology [TS]

  right now is is it's very new and a lot [TS]

  of the stuff i was looking at kind of [TS]

  felt like the money for nothing video [TS]

  that all right hand like very basic [TS]

  wireframe like hot polyhedrons and look [TS]

  at this the guy look at morning working [TS]

  get your money on your MTV there you [TS]

  know I mean obviously better than that [TS]

  but still like yeah this is not let's [TS]

  let's not call this reality but there [TS]

  were some incredible i mean there was [TS]

  some incredible stuff footed shot from [TS]

  three-dimensional cameras are you know [TS]

  like 360-degree cameras where you're [TS]

  flying a helicopter over beautiful [TS]

  Iceland and you're able to kind of turn [TS]

  your head and look around this this [TS]

  place and and in you know just sort of [TS]

  in in its not in real time but you are [TS]

  able to explore a kind of a an [TS]

  environment and as I was as I was a in [TS]

  that world I felt like yeah write it as [TS]

  a as from a gaming standpoint or from a [TS]

  from a like demo a job training [TS]

  standpoint or from a from a touristic [TS]

  standpoint like this type of thing is [TS]

  very interesting but really it's [TS]

  augmented reality that is going to be [TS]

  where we live [TS]

  yeah that's going to be our universe and [TS]

  I feel like all these key fobs and iPads [TS]

  and and this sort of backpack or purse [TS]

  full of Gidget gadgets and Gaz Mo's like [TS]

  where that's all leading is that in our [TS]

  glasses which we're all gonna wear in [TS]

  our in our advisors there will be a [TS]

  constant sort of ebb and flow between [TS]

  reality and the augmentation of it and [TS]

  you're gonna you know you're going to [TS]

  look at the at the lock on your door and [TS]

  it's going to open because it's going to [TS]

  recognize right maybe the right [TS]

  triangulation of things like right that [TS]

  there's you year there's presents the [TS]

  presences you you are looking at it and [TS]

  you know exactly but the right [TS]

  combination of things are so many things [TS]

  the air can change [TS]

  yeah you just so much sooner than VR [TS]

  walk around you just sort of like how i [TS]

  would like to activate the the history [TS]

  you know they're like our local archives [TS]

  because i want to know when this [TS]

  building was built and when the addition [TS]

  was put on and [TS]

  just like pow and then you're like I'm [TS]

  really i'm on the bus i'm really bored [TS]

  right now I would like to bring up some [TS]

  some infotainment but there are but I'm [TS]

  always gonna have I'm always gonna be [TS]

  able to look through it in order to make [TS]

  sure that nobody steps on my foot or you [TS]

  know nobody takes me by surprise and [TS]

  this kind of like in and out of of [TS]

  reality this is the new reality and it's [TS]

  you know it's so tantalizing to look at [TS]

  it in its in its germinating stage and [TS]

  just say like wow this is like so [TS]

  primitive primitive right now compared [TS]

  to what it will be [TS]

  yeah and and so like that the endless [TS]

  possibilities of it are truly an [TS]

  evolution of looking at an evolutionary [TS]

  possibility like it we we cannot know [TS]

  because it would be like it would be [TS]

  like being a lizard and imagining that [TS]

  you had warm blood or something like [TS]

  it's just there's gonna be so much [TS]

  our minds are going to work so much [TS]

  differently life is going to be so much [TS]

  different and it's thrilling and I just [TS]

  you know just just the ability to kind [TS]

  of put on a headset and be real world [TS]

  and and it will always be alien to me [TS]

  you know but it won't be to my kid or [TS]

  yours [TS]

  I feel like I feel like we will always [TS]

  be I we will be mocked and derided our [TS]

  generation because we bridged this gap [TS]

  between a purely mechanical world like [TS]

  the the generation before ours you know [TS]

  they went out and worked on their cars [TS]

  on a saturday right and we have spent [TS]

  our whole lives playing missed and the [TS]

  next [TS]

  generation is going to be able to [TS]

  conjure all data at at once and we're [TS]

  gonna really the loonies because we [TS]

  could have done it sooner right or [TS]

  something you know what better and [TS]

  they're gonna see us you know here with [TS]

  our like like electric cars and it's [TS]

  just gonna seem so funny like okay could [TS]

  you have the electric car and yet you [TS]

  can open highway seek yeah you didn't [TS]

  claim it yet and you know and and we had [TS]

  our little phones and we spent all this [TS]

  time using them to kind of using them as [TS]

  phones and write all this you know we're [TS]

  just this this this like connective [TS]

  tissue era where nothing nothing we're [TS]

  actually doing is elegant or I mean it's [TS]

  said like the idea of going down in [TS]

  cruising the strip in your 57 Chevy is [TS]

  so much more elegant am then sitting on [TS]

  facebook on a Saturday night posting a [TS]

  posting like huffy indignant messages [TS]

  friends [TS]

  we're going to be best remembered on our [TS]

  good days for not getting in the way too [TS]

  much [TS]

  yeah you didn't you didn't directly [TS]

  stand in the way of incredibly obvious [TS]

  you you know what here's the thing i [TS]

  love about your grandpa is it over time [TS]

  you somehow found a way to be less and [TS]

  less standing exactly in the way of [TS]

  progress and you're standing there with [TS]

  your you know with your ipad that [TS]

  doesn't work because your cloud is full [TS]

  on shaking it going [TS]

  god damn and I just need to upgrade my [TS]

  OS just need a fresh heal when you are [TS]

  when you get a leech Anya is it like in [TS]

  the movies doesn't make a little bloody [TS]

  spot when you pull it off [TS]

  oh yeah oh yeah so it's got like teeth [TS]

  oh yeah it's gonna be there squirming [TS]

  and crawling on you and they're really [TS]

  there literally like big they're very [TS]

  big but they're kinda like a slug look [TS]

  at that there are little tiny leader [TS]

  leeches of all sizes but these this [TS]

  particular leach experience they were [TS]

  leeches as big as slugs bigger than [TS]

  snails as big as big big Western slugs [TS]

  it and but they're you know they are [TS]

  biting into you and and sucking your [TS]

  blood [TS]

  and that's horrifying [TS]

  it's horrifying even if you are not [TS]

  somebody who's already horrified by most [TS]

  things which I was then you know like [TS]

  horrified by strange foods harley and of [TS]

  course sounds in the night horrified by [TS]

  in some ways fortified by nature even [TS]

  though I grew up kind of surrounded by [TS]

  nature like I mean I was never horrified [TS]

  by wolves always horrified by bugs [TS]

  I like that was birds now we talk about [TS]

  birds so many times but like little [TS]

  little beady-eyed animals are starting [TS]

  to freak me out more so birds are are [TS]

  the thing that are getting under your [TS]

  skin [TS]

  I mean I get around ok but as long as I [TS]

  don't think about it too much but when I [TS]

  think about birds and the way that they [TS]

  move [TS]

  it's troubling to me like that watching [TS]

  a pigeon move makes me very [TS]

  uncomfortable when they're on the ground [TS]

  or whether in the air [TS]

  I pretty elegant the airborne their [TS]

  decision that quirky little herky-jerky [TS]

  dance when they're walking around [TS]

  yeah people feed him yeah yeah you [TS]

  imagine you try to imagine what they're [TS]

  thinking [TS]

  yeah vision I mean you know i'm i'm now [TS]

  engaged in a process of trying to rid my [TS]

  house of the possum is this like it [TS]

  before it's a project now it's project [TS]

  and I've got some possum traps in the [TS]

  basement in the Attic the possum has so [TS]

  far now we're going into day three day [TS]

  four the possum has avoided the traps [TS]

  but has also been kind of not around I [TS]

  have not heard the possum [TS]

  I'm trying to imagine the possum imagine [TS]

  what he's thinking when he arrives sees [TS]

  the trap smells the bait her in the dark [TS]

  and it's really a little bachelor pad [TS]

  his pad he's like wait a minute [TS]

  something's something new is here smells [TS]

  good looks weird like where he goes it [TS]

  is possible mind right now where he goes [TS]

  is is out back outside or something he's [TS]

  not he's not falling for it so i hope i [TS]

  don't i hope i don't have like [TS]

  the smart possum [TS]

  I don't be so miserable if you have an [TS]

  infestation of smart possums I hope no [TS]

  no like where they were they've got a [TS]

  learning a learning thing you know like [TS]

  the crows like if you cross the pond [TS]

  where I think about I don't think about [TS]

  but you cross a possum with a crowd you [TS]

  gotta become serious problems now let's [TS]

  think about that for a second [TS]

  uh-huh how much what needs to happen in [TS]

  the possum community where they can [TS]

  achieve with the crow community has been [TS]

  doing for years that the ability to [TS]

  share information with large groups of [TS]

  other members of the tribe [TS]

  yep and i think the problem is possible [TS]

  or solitary uh-huh and it's that their [TS]

  lack of social that lack of like social [TS]

  connection they're never going to get as [TS]

  smart as the crows that we're going to [TS]

  keep those labs in different states [TS]

  I'm with possible a micro lab I don't [TS]

  want to even have each other's phone [TS]

  number i tried many different places so [TS]

  think about that think that somebody [TS]

  gets fired once the console of trouble [TS]

  you know I'm saying they introduced a [TS]

  virus that makes possum social maybe of [TS]

  Jesus this jar falls in this petri dish [TS]

  whoops and all of a sudden possums are [TS]

  congregating here up in your attic here [TS]

  because i have little conversations [TS]

  about you and like and like how funny is [TS]

  that you think that trap works [TS]

  yeah we're just when you come out of the [TS]

  house they're just kind of standing [TS]

  there on your porch just looking at you [TS]

  just without effect [TS]

  they're not scared they're not happy [TS]

  there anything just there like they're [TS]

  just there [TS]

  yea is my house smiles to nobody yeah [TS]

  just wanted you to know that we're here [TS]

  and uh like you do with the crows that's [TS]

  right for the crew move on you i'm here [TS]

  i see you i'm here like John I see you [TS]

  John [TS]

  Oh [TS]

  well time [TS]

  o God Almighty [TS]