Roderick on the Line

Ep. 168: "The Room of Stories"


  this episode of Roderick online is [TS]

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  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Marilyn [TS]

  how's it going good I there was a storm [TS]

  up here in Washington and I left my [TS]

  office windows open a crack and the [TS]

  storm opened them up all the way and [TS]

  fill the room with storm [TS]

  oh no they appreciate perimeter yeah so [TS]

  everything is covered with a fine layer [TS]

  of ash and amazingly like the ceiling is [TS]

  suddenly peeling I don't know how it got [TS]

  up to the ceiling [TS]

  sure this isn't a dream ahead and the [TS]

  curtains were all askew and it was very [TS]

  exciting to because I saw when I pulled [TS]

  up I saw that the windows were all the [TS]

  way open and I was like who's been in my [TS]

  office opening the windows and then I [TS]

  came in and I was like oh the storm was [TS]

  in my office and non rainstorms a [TS]

  windstorm yeah we get those in the [TS]

  northwest quite quite a bit and when the [TS]

  seasons change we get a big windstorm [TS]

  and so it they are accompanied by rain [TS]

  often and and this one was but but my [TS]

  sense is that it's mostly wind that got [TS]

  in here and and did its dirty business [TS]

  oh my gosh that's ash from all the fires [TS]

  huh who knows where the where the lip [TS]

  the thin coating of greasy ash came from [TS]

  but yeah so like living it up on its [TS]

  like something so like living in a bomb [TS]

  travis has resin dude yeah except [TS]

  there's no like there's no water bug [TS]

  where's the carb where's the car where [TS]

  is the car John I told you the story [TS]

  right about the friend of mine from [TS]

  Florida that that woke up and took a big [TS]

  hit off his bong and then realize that [TS]

  then a a water bug had been hanging out [TS]

  of his bond was now in his mouth [TS]

  oh one of those flying Florida [TS]

  cockroaches this is [TS]

  size of a tennis shoe but imagine you [TS]

  just like our little wake and bake [TS]

  oh no do it was alive when a hole dude [TS]

  it was so live we so hard from living in [TS]

  a ball you that must have harsh mellow [TS]

  dude he was just chillin in his bong an [TS]

  office and he's like oh no wow oh my god [TS]

  totally in your mouth could be on [TS]

  oh do you need to do any kind of I don't [TS]

  know like regulation damage control with [TS]

  you what you just scrape it off your [TS]

  stuff but either so I cleared a little [TS]

  area right here for my elbow anywhere [TS]

  you want a blazer right now [TS]

  no I'm not today you know in fact I've [TS]

  already have already encountered one [TS]

  person today who made a comment my good [TS]

  friend Jason Finn saw me and he said so [TS]

  I you've just let yourself go to shit [TS]

  now you don't you're not even wearing a [TS]

  button button up shirt 20 supporter [TS]

  always a supporter to t know blazer no [TS]

  no tie [TS]

  now you're just in a t-shirt and jeans [TS]

  and I was like you know what fuck it [TS]

  seasons changing before I got nobody to [TS]

  impress anymore i took a shower today [TS]

  the only reason I took a shower is that [TS]

  my family including my darling daughter [TS]

  had started to comment that Daddy smell [TS]

  funny [TS]

  oh because i had just let myself just go [TS]

  to hell over the weekend and I was like [TS]

  all right fine I'll take a shower [TS]

  I'm not above it uh-huh but I'm not [TS]

  gonna put I'm not you know more and [TS]

  white socks today i'm not i'm not [TS]

  dressing up for anybody anymore [TS]

  well it's not labor day yet true that's [TS]

  right you can still wear white socks [TS]

  Johnny said only I feel like there's you [TS]

  got Memorial Day and Labor Day and those [TS]

  sort of book and the it's okay to wear [TS]

  in formal clothes and white shoes are [TS]

  there other days in the year to change [TS]

  which are allowed to wear em good point [TS]

  our good question i think that there are [TS]

  there's a limited number of time number [TS]

  number number of weeks in the year that [TS]

  you can wear any item of clothing that [TS]

  has a wreath or a reindeer on it [TS]

  right so you have you start doing that [TS]

  before I mean personally I feel like [TS]

  thanksgiving is is the day before which [TS]

  you should not wear or have anything to [TS]

  do with the reindeer it's gonna seem [TS]

  like the washer broke [TS]

  yeah right exactly if it it's a lot [TS]

  that's a laundry date I peril [TS]

  I feel like if it's before thanksgiving [TS]

  and a reindeer comes up to you on the [TS]

  street and tells you that his fan belt [TS]

  broke and his wife and daughter are [TS]

  waiting in the car around the block and [TS]

  all he needs is five dollars you tell [TS]

  him to fuck off before before [TS]

  Thanksgiving after thanksgiving you go [TS]

  yeah okay I'll up i'll buy white part of [TS]

  the holiday spirit [TS]

  yeah the reindeer out so that's that's [TS]

  one thing [TS]

  definitely I feel like you know I'm [TS]

  saying about this the other day in my [TS]

  mind's eye on sep tember first of the [TS]

  year and i don't mean the calendar i [TS]

  mean the year as the year occupies [TS]

  physical space the year takes a right [TS]

  turn a 90-degree right turn September [TS]

  first and the implication of that right [TS]

  turn in my mind's eye is that the year [TS]

  is square and that every four months it [TS]

  takes another right turn [TS]

  but that is not actually how the year is [TS]

  built the rectangular year [TS]

  well no I mean for oh I'm sorry every [TS]

  three years every three years it would [TS]

  take a right turn [TS]

  I'm sorry every three months what am I [TS]

  talking about every three months [TS]

  you are so high right now that's pretty [TS]

  high the timer october november december [TS]

  so it's the last third of the year it's [TS]

  like you turn the corner on a triangle [TS]

  that right well so but here's the [TS]

  problem [TS]

  there's definitely a right-angle turn [TS]

  September from August August your head [TS]

  along in an east-west direction and then [TS]

  September first you take a right hand [TS]

  turn 90 degree turn and now you are [TS]

  headed in my mind's eye [TS]

  you're headed south into fall [TS]

  and then you get in you're headed south [TS]

  into fall and and you know and maybe a [TS]

  little bit downhill but then sort of [TS]

  after thanksgiving you start to go [TS]

  uphill and then christmas is there and [TS]

  then at New Year's you definitely take [TS]

  another 90 degree right hand turn now [TS]

  headed west into the new year right but [TS]

  then somewhere in january-february you [TS]

  start to edge to the right you're not [TS]

  taking a right hand turn but you heading [TS]

  right you're you're veering right into [TS]

  march april and that's kind of a rounded [TS]

  turn where you're headed [TS]

  you know you're headed north again but [TS]

  in a little bit of a you know it's a [TS]

  little bumpy the ride but definitely [TS]

  bye-bye may you're headed north [TS]

  you're heading in a northerly direction [TS]

  and then in June there's a kind of an [TS]

  it's not a it's not a gradual turn it's [TS]

  an angled turn it can and i cannot to [TS]

  stern like an obtuse turn nice easy turn [TS]

  they're definitely headed north at this [TS]

  point but you're headed in a kind of at [TS]

  an angle so that when you get to july [TS]

  again you have to you have to like comp [TS]

  the rest of that turn if you're going to [TS]

  make it to that if you're going to make [TS]

  it back to sep tember so july and august [TS]

  are headed [TS]

  I think kind of in a I mean that through [TS]

  a series of minor turns they have to end [TS]

  up headed back east but it's very funny [TS]

  that the spring and summer is a series [TS]

  of gradual angled turns whereas spall [TS]

  and winter are are defined by these two [TS]

  right angle turn I should have been [TS]

  drawing this instead of just strictly [TS]

  listening [TS]

  yeah its contents maybe they could draw [TS]

  that up for us and I feel like somewhere [TS]

  in the shape of the year the shape of [TS]

  the year and feeling februari March [TS]

  there might actually be turns that are [TS]

  kind of back to the west a little bit [TS]

  like [TS]

  it's not it's not clear that it's always [TS]

  rounding back to september's some of [TS]

  that some of those weeks like right [TS]

  around him especially around it leap [TS]

  year you know you're going uphill and to [TS]

  the west babies that a third dimension [TS]

  you know before your like before you [TS]

  level off and head start headed down [TS]

  into the North back into spring so there [TS]

  are several days in there where I feel [TS]

  like costume changes are maybe not [TS]

  mandatory but but certainly new things [TS]

  come into play because I'm wearing a [TS]

  tweed hat today and I feel like it looks [TS]

  good on you [TS]

  I feel like that is pushing it for for [TS]

  august 31st it seemed more like i like i [TS]

  like i like fall headgear [TS]

  yeah I feel like I feel like a tweed hat [TS]

  is is it you shouldn't even wear it in [TS]

  September I feel like it's an october [TS]

  november december thing yep [TS]

  yeah but then in by December you should [TS]

  be he should be transitioning into a [TS]

  kind of a fur hat or a knit hat over and [TS]

  then in the spring [TS]

  you're going back you gradually as time [TS]

  goes on from from knit caps to kind of [TS]

  you know 22 whimsical hats like an era [TS]

  the head type thing [TS]

  well no I mean I do have a baseball app [TS]

  that has moved moose antlers all I want [TS]

  this so much when I was in like seventh [TS]

  grade and that's when I got it and i've [TS]

  been wearing it ever since [TS]

  but you know like you that's when you [TS]

  start to wear your chapeau your various [TS]

  Shippo your newsboy cap and your and [TS]

  your you know your felt fedora type pats [TS]

  something jaunty in the spring [TS]

  whoo-hoo and then in that and then in [TS]

  late spring you can bring a bust out the [TS]

  baseball hats and all that stuff is it's [TS]

  really seasoned to taste i know this is [TS]

  not on the list for John's next project [TS]

  which we should talk about at some point [TS]

  by down I IC IC possibly a little thin [TS]

  volume the John fashion all aspects of [TS]

  fashion not sure [TS]

  men's clothes but fashion as as the as [TS]

  the elephant in the cultural room [TS]

  mmm fashion vs STYLE&FASHION reverses [TS]

  preference [TS]

  yes all kinds of those little shades I I [TS]

  went to I went to the junkyard today I [TS]

  had a very busy gay i woke up this [TS]

  morning I put the baby in the bath then [TS]

  I made her some bagels and then I put on [TS]

  an airplane to Paris don't want to the [TS]

  law [TS]

  Oh blah here's how you say as a [TS]

  thank-you merci [TS]

  you can say merci bien or merci beaucoup [TS]

  depending on you know how funny you want [TS]

  to sound then i left the airport I went [TS]

  immediately to the junkyard [TS]

  I spent an hour at the junkyard and I [TS]

  and I honestly felt like you know I [TS]

  could just have I could just do a TV [TS]

  show of just me wandering around a [TS]

  junkyard because there's so much to talk [TS]

  about i think we people watch that [TS]

  there's so much I don't give your [TS]

  remarks about the things that are in the [TS]

  junkyard or just you think about life [TS]

  well the thing is if you can walk around [TS]

  a junkyard and not think about life i'll [TS]

  put in with you [TS]

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by Squarespace [TS]

  you can learn more about Squarespace [TS]

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  purchase our thanks to squarespace for [TS]

  supporting rod on the line and all the [TS]

  great shows [TS]

  Squarespace build it beautiful I feel [TS]

  like I definitely not as you're [TS]

  surrounded by it [TS]

  yes that's right it's like somebody dies [TS]

  or something you're going to think about [TS]

  life [TS]

  alright you know if you it so you can [TS]

  comment [TS]

  are you coming all day on the stuff [TS]

  that's in a junkyard but your cars are [TS]

  very personal very personal for people [TS]

  and he always all I I forget how [TS]

  personal it is for people [TS]

  hmm i dunno i have to tell my daughter [TS]

  like when you know you know kids they [TS]

  walk around walk real slow and touch [TS]

  everything and reminders like don't [TS]

  touch somebody's cars telling me about [TS]

  her day she's walking along and then she [TS]

  starts she starts kind of like handling [TS]

  the logo on the car and like he can't do [TS]

  that like somebody in some places that [TS]

  some see it's easy like handling their [TS]

  Mercedes logo you do not want to get [TS]

  that person that you don't you do not [TS]

  want to provoke somebody thats right [TS]

  dont even even if you're walking along [TS]

  absent-mindedly just drawing one finger [TS]

  along the side of a car somebody's going [TS]

  to be mad about it [TS]

  yep so why around a junkyard you're [TS]

  looking at you know there's 10,000 [TS]

  stories in The Naked City and every one [TS]

  of them ends up in a junkyard but also [TS]

  it's not to think about that a lot with [TS]

  the corner its everytime everytime i see [TS]

  a bad tattoo i am actually say it's mike [TS]

  as you see that you see that someday a [TS]

  corner is going to have to kind of draw [TS]

  that notebook yeah it's likely that [TS]

  person is going to be dead and they're [TS]

  gonna have to draw that tattoo for the [TS]

  record [TS]

  yeah the last or describe it the most [TS]

  person that's going to see it and really [TS]

  appreciate it is the is the is the guy [TS]

  at the crematorium that's a that's [TS]

  making like eighteen dollars an hour [TS]

  apparently at our German Blackwater [TS]

  gothic how I got a problem original [TS]

  certain [TS]

  rock chalk I'm sure that they just have [TS]

  I'm sure they have just uh a picture [TS]

  book of tattoos and you just circle the [TS]

  one just like I owe symbol for Shanti on [TS]

  the back of her neck circle kanji symbol [TS]

  for regret looks like winnie-the-pooh [TS]

  flying a yin-yang kite circle so anyway [TS]

  you're isn't your internet actually a [TS]

  junkyard is the story of [TS]

  twentieth-century industrialism write it [TS]

  so that means either their cars there [TS]

  that I mean you don't see a lot of cars [TS]

  from the thirties anymore in a junkyard [TS]

  but you definitely see them from the [TS]

  forties and fifties if you're lucky and [TS]

  then all their full of cars from the [TS]

  seventies and eighties and and just then [TS]

  on all the stories that are good but [TS]

  then then your mind starts to wander and [TS]

  you're thinking about Oh life and times [TS]

  and the wars and you know and Hermann [TS]

  Goering and then pretty soon you're [TS]

  thinking about dim sum and it's getting [TS]

  late in the day and what is a what do [TS]

  you have to do how how do you have to [TS]

  get out of here on the way out of the [TS]

  junkyard [TS]

  I'm talking to the guy behind the [TS]

  counter who calls he's calling me boss [TS]

  he calls me Bobby nice which is really [TS]

  nice i like boss I feel like getting [TS]

  called boss by the guide the junkyard is [TS]

  exactly right and he's got he's not [TS]

  suffering fools heat because first of [TS]

  all he sees the guy working at the jack [TS]

  currencies more fools per capita than [TS]

  anybody it aside from like a reporter [TS]

  for entertainment tonight at the VMAs [TS]

  right they're going to see a lot of [TS]

  fools but the guide the junkyard sees a [TS]

  different kind of fool i'm talking to [TS]

  him and I and I and he looks over my [TS]

  shoulder at somebody coming through the [TS]

  front door and he says hey buddy hey you [TS]

  know what you got [TS]

  you put that back don't just leave it [TS]

  and so I turn around and the guide [TS]

  walked in the door and somehow something [TS]

  had something in the door jamb had [TS]

  fallen down [TS]

  the pneumatic door closer and the guy [TS]

  had water guy walked in and he's wearing [TS]

  a baseball hat that's camouflaging it [TS]

  has a deer on it and he just seemed seen [TS]

  it and the guy behind the counter and [TS]

  seen him see it and he just kept going [TS]

  and so these discipline name that the [TS]

  counterman is disciplining the guys like [TS]

  you got it you know like fix that you [TS]

  don't just walk in and leave it so the [TS]

  guy goes back and he starts to try to [TS]

  fix it fix the door and I'm in the [TS]

  middle of asking the counterman question [TS]

  so I I figure okay the guys fixing the [TS]

  door now [TS]

  now I now it's my turn so I say so [TS]

  anyway is it possible that but the [TS]

  counterman isn't paying attention to me [TS]

  anymore he's focused on the door and he [TS]

  says to the guy [TS]

  hey hey pal you're making it more more [TS]

  complicated than it needs to be [TS]

  you just gotta and at that point a [TS]

  second guy walking in the door stops and [TS]

  starts helping the camouflage baseball [TS]

  hat guy fix the door jamb but i can see [TS]

  that the two of them together have now [TS]

  made it a hundred times worse now the [TS]

  entire top of the door is loose and and [TS]

  the junkyard guy he's not going to go [TS]

  out and get himself on principle on [TS]

  principle he's not going to so so then [TS]

  he says so then he's getting and i'm [TS]

  looking at the junkyard guy and I'm [TS]

  thinking okay my job right now is [TS]

  graceful exit because I've already asked [TS]

  I've already started to ask the [TS]

  counterman my final question twice and [TS]

  two times I haven't made it all the way [TS]

  at the end of the question and now the [TS]

  door is falling apart and I just want [TS]

  out of here but I can't get out of here [TS]

  because these guys are I've got the door [TS]

  blocked and it's like literally now that [TS]

  it's falling down around them so I can't [TS]

  leave but I'm not going to stand here [TS]

  and repeat my question a third time and [TS]

  I'm not going to i'm not going to put [TS]

  myself over to the side [TS]

  and wait in a in kuwait line for the for [TS]

  the attention to go back to me because [TS]

  when it finally does there's gonna be [TS]

  six guys in the room and they're all [TS]

  going to turn me and go now what was [TS]

  your fucking question [TS]

  and my question is does not rate that [TS]

  amount of attention right i'm at the [TS]

  junkyard there guys here that are [TS]

  rebuilding four-barrel carburetors [TS]

  that's not what I'm doing now i just [TS]

  went out and so I start to make my way [TS]

  to the door at which point the [TS]

  camouflage baseball hat time and his at [TS]

  this and completely unrelated dude who's [TS]

  in like a camel jacket the entire top of [TS]

  the door frame false starts with all its [TS]

  just falls completely I don't know how [TS]

  they did it and the counterman is like [TS]

  oh my you know it's like you guys come [TS]

  on [TS]

  and at a certain moment the one the [TS]

  camouflage baseball hat guy is holding [TS]

  up the holding up one side of the frame [TS]

  and kind of leaning back and looking at [TS]

  it with his head and the other guys on [TS]

  the other side of the door holding up [TS]

  the frame and they make a perfect like a [TS]

  like a like a perfect Moorish arch one [TS]

  hand up here the guys at back is arched [TS]

  the other guys back is arched the the [TS]

  door is falling down and I just make for [TS]

  the gap and I as I'm as I leave I turn [TS]

  and I I pointed the counterman and I say [TS]

  I'll catch you later and proved right [TS]

  through and right as i make as red as I [TS]

  make it through the gap it's like the [TS]

  Millennium Falcon going out of the [TS]

  leaving the worms mouth in the asteroid [TS]

  who heard a hold or just completely [TS]

  comes apart and these guys are juggling [TS]

  parts and they're bumping into each [TS]

  other and it's just the catastrophe and [TS]

  I just barely made it out and that for [TS]

  all I know there's the half a dozen guys [TS]

  still stuck in that auto parts store [TS]

  because nobody knows nobody knows how to [TS]

  leave [TS]

  you got the last chopper out of Saigon [TS]

  you know what I fucking did and I'm [TS]

  grateful you know I'm grateful and part [TS]

  of that is I surveyed the situation I [TS]

  knew going in whatever the conversation [TS]

  I was going to have that counter guy [TS]

  could at any moment be interrupted by [TS]

  somebody who needed it was like a [TS]

  serious wrench turning guy who had a [TS]

  serious question [TS]

  I didn't foresee that the portal would [TS]

  be closing so fast huh [TS]

  so this day has had a lot of adventure [TS]

  already and then I went to do the dim [TS]

  summits play on so i pretty much [TS]

  everything I know about junkyards comes [TS]

  from like a scene in slacker [TS]

  I I used to think a junkyard was like a [TS]

  dump [TS]

  I thought the place was kid I thought oh [TS]

  junkyard that's a place we take an old [TS]

  car is dead and it goes and lives there [TS]

  and it's like it's like because I gotta [TS]

  be heaven right but slacker help me [TS]

  understand that there's a reason for [TS]

  junk cars which is you go there and you [TS]

  get parts from your model car in the [TS]

  junkyard to put in your own car is that [TS]

  how junkyard works is that correct that [TS]

  is one of the things that you can do a [TS]

  junkyard yes that's a very good idea [TS]

  it's a great idea and back in the old [TS]

  days when cars were things that normal [TS]

  people could work on and they had you [TS]

  know more or less interchangeable parts [TS]

  a lot of them like if you had a Chevy as [TS]

  my mom would say my mom is teaching my [TS]

  daughter to say Chevy now that's how you [TS]

  gotta stop that instead well I can't I [TS]

  mean it's parties very strong-willed [TS]

  John it's part of our vernacular and I [TS]

  don't she doesn't it's not like she's [TS]

  it's not like she's correcting a her 1c [TS]

  when she says chevy it's just that my [TS]

  mom pronounces it should be [TS]

  I've never heard that chevy's I never [TS]

  heard shitty Senate doesn't know hi [TS]

  thing must be some it's a western Ohio [TS]

  thing and so she say so like my kid has [TS]

  started to because she likes to call out [TS]

  all the different kinds of cars you see [TS]

  and identify cars [TS]

  she knows every kind of car she knows [TS]

  every kind of nut [TS]

  and she knows every kind of car and he's [TS]

  back name every kind enough and so she [TS]

  she was driving down the street and one [TS]

  of the games you like supply as you know [TS]

  nissan toyota ford ford shivvy and I'm [TS]

  like shit EP oh my god I've been hearing [TS]

  that my whole life and now my kid is [TS]

  saying it should be but it used to be [TS]

  you could go to the junkyard if you had [TS]

  a Chevy you knew that you just did find [TS]

  a whole bunch of shit he's in the [TS]

  junkyard and you'd find the shitty part [TS]

  that you needed and it will bolt right [TS]

  on to your car and now of course cars [TS]

  are just they're made by 3d printers [TS]

  they're basically computers with wheels [TS]

  yeah they're just they're all injection [TS]

  molded and none of them you know they're [TS]

  not really like fixable in the same way [TS]

  but there are enough people that I mean [TS]

  when I was the hour-and-a-half i spent [TS]

  walking around the rainy junkyard [TS]

  looking for the particular part i was [TS]

  looking for [TS]

  there were a dozen other people out [TS]

  there and you know you bring your own [TS]

  tools to the junkyard is really huh [TS]

  and so a bunch of people walking around [TS]

  with their toolkits and they're they're [TS]

  taking the trim off of the door of the [TS]

  off the passenger side door of a ford [TS]

  aerostar or they're you know they're [TS]

  they're trying to figure out how to [TS]

  dismantle the air-conditioning hoses [TS]

  from a from a caprice classic and people [TS]

  still enough people doing that kind of [TS]

  work that there's that there's still [TS]

  cause for other a lot fewer junkyards [TS]

  and there were I think I mean I used to [TS]

  spend a lot of time in them when I was [TS]

  young because I i was trying to [TS]

  customize my car [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  maybe if you own the land it's gonna be [TS]

  a pretty good deal it's like a parking [TS]

  lot right i mean like your he is not [TS]

  going to cost you that much to have it [TS]

  right and over time somebody will [TS]

  eventually get the the manifold cover [TS]

  case of that shitty exactly and then [TS]

  when the car has been completely [TS]

  stripped then you crush it and sell it [TS]

  for the scrap metal value so when you [TS]

  see those semi trucks driving down the [TS]

  road with with the 25 squished cars on [TS]

  the better huh [TS]

  they're going from a junkyard to a metal [TS]

  yard and then circle of life [TS]

  that's right circle of life that's right [TS]

  so wandering around i am what i was [TS]

  looking for a specific part but as I but [TS]

  I got I got caught up in the loop in the [TS]

  lives of some of these cars where was [TS]

  just like oh that that car could talk I [TS]

  mean that car can talk because you all [TS]

  you have to do is look at it and it's [TS]

  telling you so much about itself and [TS]

  what it's seen the miles its travels [TS]

  literally and figuratively [TS]

  so it was it made me want to do is go [TS]

  back to the junkyard [TS]

  I haven't been to one in a long time i [TS]

  was looking for a specific part but [TS]

  really i don't i don't want it i don't [TS]

  want to need any one part i want to go [TS]

  there and find the part I didn't know I [TS]

  needed [TS]

  mm you know mmm such as a candle thing [TS]

  you're you're on a building from mine [TS]

  except you're not young right it's like [TS]

  a young man's journey that's right you [TS]

  don't you may not know what your what [TS]

  your grill cup is but you want the one [TS]

  that carpenter would use that's exactly [TS]

  it you want to find a comment you want [TS]

  to find a carpenter skup you walk around [TS]

  that mean the first thing you have to do [TS]

  is have faith that he step into the [TS]

  abyss and that that they're they're not [TS]

  going to fall [TS]

  who but i mean i know i know a lot about [TS]

  one of the things about a junkyard is [TS]

  for it to be useful for you at all [TS]

  you have to have a pretty good knowledge [TS]

  of what I'm what all cars look like such [TS]

  that you can see them in there [TS]

  completely dismantled state [TS]

  wrecked and picked over and still be [TS]

  able to tell what kind it is right [TS]

  because if you're in there looking for [TS]

  apart from a Nissan say yeah yeah it's [TS]

  don't make model year anything you gotta [TS]

  be able to look across a field strewn [TS]

  with junk cars where all the doors have [TS]

  been taken off and the hoods are up and [TS]

  the the glasses are broken and the roofs [TS]

  are crushed and you have to be able to [TS]

  teach you know use your encyclopedia of [TS]

  of cues to say like because I for [TS]

  instance i'm i'm looking for a Chevy [TS]

  truck chevy truck from a certain era GMC [TS]

  truck from certain era where a lot of [TS]

  trucks in a junkyard but if you don't [TS]

  know the difference between a Ford and [TS]

  Chevy you spend all afternoon walking [TS]

  all the way over to afford to I was [TS]

  going to try and look for the logo will [TS]

  goes long gone [TS]

  can't break that truck that truck rolled [TS]

  off rolled off the pacific coast highway [TS]

  and down a hill and sat in the you know [TS]

  set in the tide pool for four years and [TS]

  got towed out you better be able to tell [TS]

  that's a Ford well let's let's let's say [TS]

  the obvious it is probably not too cool [TS]

  to be using your iphone a lot at the [TS]

  junkyard [TS]

  well you know he doesn't like a little [TS]

  bit like a tingling if you're certainly [TS]

  if you're like what is this car [TS]

  yeah and and and also one of the rules [TS]

  of the junkyard is when what a body [TS]

  meets a body coming through the Rye who [TS]

  you don't really acknowledge the other [TS]

  person catching the shitty exactly [TS]

  because you are you are fucking [TS]

  scavengers prefer in a boneyard [TS]

  oh I see it's certainly a men's room if [TS]

  you keep your own counsel [TS]

  yeah you're not like PayPal my man there [TS]

  to make friends yeah what are you [TS]

  looking for like no this carpet checker [TS]

  Imperial exactly [TS]

  no you don't ask to borrow somebody's [TS]

  tools you don't even this is one of the [TS]

  few areas where where a where people are [TS]

  going about their business such that you [TS]

  don't even nod and may [TS]

  i contact if you see if you come upon [TS]

  somebody out there it's it is it's [TS]

  already it's basically already two steps [TS]

  toward the apocalypse so so your first [TS]

  concern is to meet somebody in one of [TS]

  those places you have to assume that [TS]

  they want your water it's not become [TS]

  addicted to water that's right but did [TS]

  not have predicted the water but maybe [TS]

  week [TS]

  mmhmm yeah once again this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  in part by braintree code for easy [TS]

  online payments to learn more right now [TS]

  please visit braintree payments dot-com [TS]

  / supertrain if you're a mobile app [TS]

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  there are please do check out braintree [TS]

  braintree is the payment solution that [TS]

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  fee-free please go to braintree payments [TS]

  dot-com / supertrain thanks to braintree [TS]

  for taking the pain out of mobile [TS]

  payments and for supporting Roderick on [TS]

  the loss just a quick side note i should [TS]

  write this down [TS]

  I know you got a lot of projects in your [TS]

  player and another one would be just put [TS]

  out the fucking rule book for all the [TS]

  stuff that a lot of people don't know [TS]

  out you could do it and anonymously [TS]

  maybe more like some kind of a book like [TS]

  you don't even miss the rules were not [TS]

  even allowed to talk about and I'm sure [TS]

  to tell you I didn't even know junkyard [TS]

  head rules like that [TS]

  oh yeah you could you could save me so [TS]

  much indignity somebody from Vice [TS]

  magazine Romy not very long ago and they [TS]

  said would you write a book about her [TS]

  write an article at least in her right [TS]

  there [TS]

  well that's why they're asking me would [TS]

  you write up an article about all the [TS]

  rules that people should know before [TS]

  they act like citizen journalists [TS]

  videotaping police brutality or whatever [TS]

  yeah because i had made some comments [TS]

  over the years to the effect of to the [TS]

  fact that people that such a such a [TS]

  volume needs to be widely disseminated [TS]

  because people's citizen journalism is [TS]

  being somewhat hamstrung by the fact [TS]

  that they don't understand [TS]

  portrait mode know and they don't [TS]

  understand not to say fuck stock fuck [TS]

  that these are good rules while they are [TS]

  feeling video tapings John you do not [TS]

  know how much intestinal fortitude it [TS]

  takes for me every day to not walk up to [TS]

  people grab their hand and turn it 90 [TS]

  degrees but you have you a different [TS]

  shape TV than i do you know that's gonna [TS]

  look like you know what that's gonna do [TS]

  you have any idea what does i know [TS]

  people are taller than wide generally [TS]

  but just doing a favorite hold it [TS]

  sideways [TS]

  yeah it's a basic rule I mean that one [TS]

  that one that city in China exploded [TS]

  there was some amazing footage of it [TS]

  once again taken in standup camera mode [TS]

  and and you're like oh my god this is [TS]

  like the this is an incredible moment [TS]

  you are watching an entire city explode [TS]

  and no one has taught you how to hold it [TS]

  free kick [TS]

  yeah yeah it's also incredibly dorky to [TS]

  watch [TS]

  we just want is painful to watch because [TS]

  you're going like Oh [TS]

  it's almost like their thumbs over part [TS]

  of the lens yeah so and the and the the [TS]

  person from vice was very nice and and [TS]

  actually like seemed like a really kind [TS]

  of smart editor guy and was like hey you [TS]

  know you want to write this or do you [TS]

  want to collaborate on i was like i do [TS]

  want to collaborate on it with you i [TS]

  think that would be really that would be [TS]

  really useful it would be good for [TS]

  people we should collaborate on a guide [TS]

  a citizen's guide to to you know to be a [TS]

  amateur journalists [TS]

  oh and so how especially especially with [TS]

  the camera because I i can think of like [TS]

  about by half a dozen things I wish [TS]

  everybody knew about using the camera on [TS]

  their phone that can make so much of a [TS]

  difference [TS]

  well the other thing is like don't pinch [TS]

  zoom in now and don't ever first of all [TS]

  move on that I think the very first [TS]

  thing almost everybody needs to know is [TS]

  like you see this in like when the first [TS]

  time dad gets a camera in the eighties [TS]

  it's like do not do a bunch of like we [TS]

  don't like vine don't do all these like [TS]

  three second shots don't know don't [TS]

  short shots [TS]

  don't move the camera keep the camera in [TS]

  one place you think you need to move [TS]

  your eyes don't move the camera [TS]

  yeah yeah but turn the camera on put it [TS]

  sideways and then walk as close to the [TS]

  action as you can stay quiet and like if [TS]

  you're gonna move if you're going to if [TS]

  you if you need to move to get to get a [TS]

  better view of it slow movements but not [TS]

  with the you know move your body not the [TS]

  not the don't wiggle the camera there's [TS]

  so many things to say and an exciting [TS]

  slide all that i would you also going to [TS]

  the stuff like like know your rights [TS]

  type stuff will absolutely have to talk [TS]

  about that stuff but at and all of that [TS]

  is part and parcel of saying like what [TS]

  is interesting that even that's another [TS]

  thing that a citizen journalist needs to [TS]

  think about what is interesting about [TS]

  this and because so often you see if you [TS]

  see it some footage where the action [TS]

  that they think is interesting is [TS]

  completed and they they stopped filming [TS]

  but that wasn't the end of what's [TS]

  interesting about [TS]

  that's her that wasn't you know that [TS]

  wasn't actually the end of the scene [TS]

  that brings I could be instantiated a [TS]

  vent or the action is just one part of [TS]

  it and especially in police cases what [TS]

  happens next could be even more [TS]

  important exactly internet like what [TS]

  happens with the actual story if you're [TS]

  watching a confrontation and then [TS]

  somebody gets shot the end is not the [TS]

  person got shot the end is like what [TS]

  happens in the next 10 minutes that's [TS]

  the whole case so all that and so that [TS]

  the person from vice was awesome sent me [TS]

  a long email with their thoughts and [TS]

  their construction of it and and what [TS]

  what you know how they imagine it and [TS]

  then I just completely just drop the [TS]

  ball and didn't didn't reply which I [TS]

  feel terrible about and I should maybe [TS]

  go find that and and dig that up because [TS]

  i have so much to say on the topic but [TS]

  also have this show about the junkyard [TS]

  that i'm working on when there's a lot [TS]

  to do ever so many rules i mean the [TS]

  volumes if it would just be what it [TS]

  could be kind of like the 33 and a third [TS]

  series of little books I was always [TS]

  thinking something similar yes it's [TS]

  bigger than a pamphlet but that the [TS]

  shorter than a novel [TS]

  yeah we're that it's just a series of [TS]

  series of rulebooks how to behave at the [TS]

  junkyard how to behave backstage at a [TS]

  concert where you are not actually a [TS]

  friend of anybody in the band but [TS]

  somehow got backstage all you know I I [TS]

  gotta tell ya I I think something like [TS]

  this could be super-strong I think of a [TS]

  book i mention this before but it's a [TS]

  book that I adored in in college because [TS]

  you know I'm an almanac i am a book of [TS]

  lists Kyle of these books of of trivia [TS]

  and rules of thumb and all those kinds [TS]

  of things actually was wonderful series [TS]

  of books called rules of thumb that were [TS]

  just fantastic like you know you can [TS]

  calculate how long you gonna wait in [TS]

  line at the bank take the number of [TS]

  people x 3.5 or whatever like how to [TS]

  pick a line all that kind of stuff but [TS]

  there's one called the modern man's [TS]

  guide to life which is not quite as [TS]

  Mookie as it sounds but it was full of [TS]

  advice that people have written into [TS]

  this guy about how to do different stuff [TS]

  and none of them would achieve you know [TS]

  would rise to the level of meeting a [TS]

  chapter but they would be collected into [TS]

  like you know the [TS]

  different different kinds like you know [TS]

  how to how to not look like a doofus in [TS]

  a restaurant like I do all the stuff you [TS]

  know how to how to basically fix your [TS]

  car this kind of stuff I think something [TS]

  like that John Waters guide to life [TS]

  it's friendly feeling better title could [TS]

  be extremely useful [TS]

  thank you so much i'm gonna just start [TS]

  writing it down right down the kinds of [TS]

  things you want to collect and then [TS]

  start uh you know gleaning the tips of [TS]

  the tips late getting tips for my [TS]

  podcast avoid saying things like [TS]

  cleaning the tips how do you how do you [TS]

  get a tow truck driver in Missouri to [TS]

  let you ride in the cab [TS]

  ok it could be better it was a visit [TS]

  just extremely specific to you how do [TS]

  you mean there's so much how to help [TS]

  Gary remember that you've met yeah how [TS]

  do you get if you if you are a Mayan [TS]

  ruin and you want to go into the part [TS]

  that's that's fenced-off who do you talk [TS]

  to Tommy a lot of these things I mean [TS]

  one of my favorites I can't do this but [TS]

  i love that you can do this is is your [TS]

  whole thing of like you know if you [TS]

  wanna walk in somewhere walk in like you [TS]

  own the place [TS]

  yeah nobody nobody asked you just walk [TS]

  right in no they're sooo me on the place [TS]

  and then this also gives you lots of [TS]

  opportunities to tell anecdotes right [TS]

  well and you know what the thing of [TS]

  course when you're young is that one of [TS]

  the best anecdotes is getting thrown out [TS]

  of a place when you get a little bit [TS]

  older [TS]

  it's it you know it's it's a lot harder [TS]

  for me to get thrown out of a place now [TS]

  because I kinda do look like I should [TS]

  own the place and to get unceremoniously [TS]

  booted out of a place that you look like [TS]

  you should own it just you know I have [TS]

  to dust off my hat because that you know [TS]

  the guy throw out and throw your hat in [TS]

  the street [TS]

  yeah just optimization until you feel [TS]

  your hand at I'd pick your pardon sir I [TS]

  am as God made me sir [TS]

  so I mean yeah you want to dim sum and [TS]

  then we added we are our regular dim [TS]

  summit where it was decided I was not [TS]

  you and Jason Jason and I meet with two [TS]

  other friends Cal McAllister who owns an [TS]

  advertising agency called [TS]

  the WAGs Lee school for girls uh-huh and [TS]

  Matt Dresner who owns an advertising / [TS]

  PR agency [TS]

  oh man this is your extended marketing [TS]

  team I've been hearing about this [TS]

  because it's really you get all the [TS]

  terrible ideas for stuff you should be [TS]

  doing this is the team and the team's [TS]

  decision today we're not meeting but its [TS]

  people the decision of the team today [TS]

  was like more of an old man and its [TS]

  people here there is some kind of way I [TS]

  might be able to promote my twitter feed [TS]

  minutes here by advertising agency [TS]

  friends and they're trying to they're [TS]

  trying to expand my social media [TS]

  recharge sure yeah but the decision was [TS]

  listen we should just figure out how to [TS]

  be multi millionaires and the and the [TS]

  best anecdote was a cow [TS]

  one of one of his close friends from [TS]

  high school is the king of the yard pool [TS]

  of the yard pool [TS]

  yeah if you want to if you want a little [TS]

  pond in your yard who he started out [TS]

  this guy started outputting pawns in [TS]

  people's yards like a lot of people like [TS]

  a lot of pond guys start out all your [TS]

  residential consumer ponds yeah you [TS]

  start are probably working for a guy [TS]

  that's installing ponds and then you you [TS]

  build up a little nest egg and then you [TS]

  start your own pond installation company [TS]

  but this guy figured out was you know [TS]

  when you want in the words of Mark Twain [TS]

  when there's a gold rush he sell [TS]

  pickaxes uh-huh right so he's out there [TS]

  putting in ponds and he's looking up the [TS]

  chain at the guy who's making the ponds [TS]

  who's making huh [TS]

  the pond equipment and he says this [TS]

  guy's not this you know this guy's not [TS]

  moving refrigerators he's not installing [TS]

  color TVs that's all you do it that's [TS]

  the way you do it he said by the counter [TS]

  somewhere fulfilling pond parte orders [TS]

  and so this friend of Calvin callisters [TS]

  he systematize 'as the pond business [TS]

  vertical integration [TS]

  the phone so now he's not installing 500 [TS]

  pounds in the summer he's selling 50,000 [TS]

  blows 50,000 ponds all across America to [TS]

  people all the part of people have to go [TS]

  through any move up on food chain [TS]

  that's right he became the BP camp on [TS]

  man and so when I have a friend i have a [TS]

  friend in seattle figure this out to we [TS]

  legalized weed here [TS]

  uh-huh and everybody was going to rest [TS]

  everything all shit I better gotta be I [TS]

  got a warehouse i gotta start growing [TS]

  weed I gotta start selling weed I gotta [TS]

  get in this weed business in on the [TS]

  ground floor but I've got a pal who went [TS]

  to China and figured out the weed [TS]

  appliance the weed delivery appliance [TS]

  that was going to be the industry [TS]

  standard and then he cornered the market [TS]

  on the weed delivery appliance so he [TS]

  never has to touch a weed talking about [TS]

  like 44 consumer to get into their [TS]

  system [TS]

  yeah i'm talking about a of the vaping [TS]

  oh right gear right let's see that would [TS]

  that the weed people are going to put [TS]

  the weed into who never grow anything [TS]

  that's right it's some kind of you know [TS]

  it's some kind of like yeah yeah it's [TS]

  like it looks like yeah that's where you [TS]

  get the more intensified you're not like [TS]

  really sucking on it like there's a [TS]

  whole what I think there's a name for [TS]

  this it's like vaping before we do they [TS]

  call it [TS]

  yeah I don't know some kind of Jabba the [TS]

  Hutt technology you have seen people use [TS]

  it on and I remember when they're [TS]

  talking about what whether there should [TS]

  be legal weed I gasps maybe the early [TS]

  2000s there is one go-to woman they [TS]

  would always interview in California and [TS]

  if you imagine like last week we don't [TS]

  call them go tues and we're gonna hit [TS]

  from another time but you're like a big [TS]

  bag new york times sunday New York Times [TS]

  comes in [TS]

  yeah she looked like she was doing [TS]

  something with filling that bag with [TS]

  smoke and then and it was really [TS]

  disturbing to watch her use it but but [TS]

  then you get you get big hit of the weed [TS]

  yeah that might be you might be that [TS]

  might be something else that might that [TS]

  might be [TS]

  you know we used to cut the bottom of a [TS]

  milk carton and stick it in a sink full [TS]

  of water [TS]

  I is your time was that can make a bong [TS]

  out anything or paste [TS]

  well we need to be a hobby of ours you [TS]

  keep iPod to pretty much anything and I [TS]

  don't like things from mcdonalds the [TS]

  children would get his toys [TS]

  what the hell good is that skill now I [TS]

  know I know tears and rain so this guy [TS]

  goes in part of his strategy that is not [TS]

  just doesn't want to be pushing we see [TS]

  also he wants to go and get exclusive [TS]

  deals with if I could say Chinese makers [TS]

  of the wii delivery system [TS]

  selena is that nobody else to get [TS]

  exclusive deal [TS]

  he's got he's got the Northwestern's got [TS]

  the pnw district locked in [TS]

  well yeah he's provided the technology [TS]

  so all these guys that are like oh man i [TS]

  sold a thousand weeds [TS]

  yeah he's like I saw a hundred thousand [TS]

  we'd pellets or weed weed you know [TS]

  pressurized we've rods and I mean it's [TS]

  money in the bank this guy and he never [TS]

  touched you never have to touch a weed [TS]

  although i think he likes it but I had a [TS]

  friend in college [TS]

  who's big idea was he was going to make [TS]

  bombs out of two cans and like stuff [TS]

  like out of a like a like a school can [TS]

  so at the time we were all I don't know [TS]

  about I don't know about y'all down down [TS]

  and had the new college in Florida yeah [TS]

  but up in the northwest we were all [TS]

  chewing tobacco all the time didn't we [TS]

  were different stuff there and so we all [TS]

  had we all in Copenhagen cans in our [TS]

  back pockets creating very appealing [TS]

  rings in our genes and my friend he took [TS]

  that you can and he made a he made a [TS]

  hole-in-one side on the run the rim on [TS]

  the edge right a hole and then 90 [TS]

  degrees around the circle he made [TS]

  another hole and then he had a stem with [TS]

  a bowl that fit inside one of the holes [TS]

  its appellate it's super good and then [TS]

  if you filled the toucan one-third full [TS]

  of water [TS]

  God and then put the lid on it it was it [TS]

  was it was watertight ok and then you [TS]

  turn the king [TS]

  and at an angle and put your mouth over [TS]

  the one hole and the bowl was in the [TS]

  other hole and it's a fully functional [TS]

  ball if the pit and and he and he [TS]

  honestly was like I'm gonna make I'm [TS]

  gonna make a million dollars i'm gonna [TS]

  summon them because then when the thing [TS]

  is when you when you want to break it [TS]

  down you just dump the water out take [TS]

  the stem out stick it in the toucan and [TS]

  stick that you can you too can circle in [TS]

  your jeans you can second that your [TS]

  chick gets them it should if he had [TS]

  called the juke it's it would be a [TS]

  billionaire and Sam come on this is just [TS]

  sent you a link this idea has been [TS]

  colonized what I just look at the tip [TS]

  can bong [TS]

  oh my god if I see a picture of my [TS]

  friend i am going to lose my shit well [TS]

  there's a lot of there's a lot there's a [TS]

  lot of a lot of variance here still not [TS]

  entirely sure why you would want to do [TS]

  this but ah alright not sure why you [TS]

  would want to do it because of being has [TS]

  been that's American ingenuity at the [TS]

  heart of its etsy for weed yet the bomb [TS]

  is just the partners with you oh my god [TS]

  you can't boring there's hundreds of [TS]

  them to get so while that one look at [TS]

  that handsome let's get runs USB well [TS]

  this guy's gotta this guy's got some [TS]

  kind of holster for it [TS]

  yeah looks like he's got so i guess [TS]

  because utility kilt oh well camouflaged [TS]

  on so people won't be able to see it so [TS]

  this is called oh it's called the AK [TS]

  files i thought it was that meant the [TS]

  Alaska files but then i click on it and [TS]

  it's a it's a website for people who [TS]

  have ak-47 oh I see here's one made out [TS]

  of a heinz ketchup bottle [TS]

  alright my goodness just strange images [TS]

  John so this guy so he's a heavyset guy [TS]

  he's blacked out his eyes he's cradling [TS]

  an ak-47 he's wearing a stripy sort of [TS]

  French or Russian commando shirt [TS]

  uh-huh and I gotta see this he's got a [TS]

  toucan hipster Jennings comes calling it [TS]

  a towel AK files IC tactical tobacco [TS]

  patch [TS]

  oh IC thats I get it it's a bedside it's [TS]

  got that it's got a non-call velcro [TS]

  anymore it's got the clove hitch or [TS]

  whatever it's called that little hook [TS]

  and loop the loop tactical hook-and-loop [TS]

  look at that is a lie [TS]

  this led this is a richer subculture [TS]

  then I realized I instinctively don't [TS]

  like that guy just because [TS]

  come on yeah yeah there's just there's [TS]

  something at the level whatever it is [TS]

  that a person enjoys there's always the [TS]

  desire to complicated [TS]

  mm it's like drinking games oh yeah yeah [TS]

  but even like with drinking games where [TS]

  it's like really like you kind of have a [TS]

  game to drink [TS]

  yeah you know in this case you gotta [TS]

  have a good have a pouch for everything [TS]

  some people love to be organized they [TS]

  have people are bored yet you know you [TS]

  know in all honesty I'm gonna tell you [TS]

  I'm gonna tell you a little story [TS]

  ok last night i was cleaning house [TS]

  cleaning a room in my house that hadn't [TS]

  been cleaned in a long time and I was [TS]

  having some i was getting some help [TS]

  getting some help cleaning the room [TS]

  because I was not able to do it myself [TS]

  because this was the room of stories [TS]

  oh my goodness yeah and so the room of [TS]

  stories it's very hard for me to clean [TS]

  it i can clean other rooms in the house [TS]

  but the room stories it's hard because [TS]

  you have everything you pick up as a [TS]

  very long story attached to it and I [TS]

  don't want to throw it away because then [TS]

  you throw the story away but anytime I [TS]

  ask somebody to help me they end up [TS]

  sitting on the floor while I tell them [TS]

  stories about things and the room [TS]

  doesn't get cleaned yeah and so I had a [TS]

  I had a friend helping me clean the room [TS]

  and she was very unsympathetic which is [TS]

  what was needed [TS]

  yeah but i had to say to her like listen [TS]

  you have to be somewhat sympathetic [TS]

  because you know these stories they they [TS]

  all matter and at one point she picked [TS]

  up a pouch which was a tactical velcro [TS]

  hook and hook and bead pouch which I [TS]

  actually got from you i was doing the [TS]

  flying on it [TS]

  nope it's a pouch that was designed to [TS]

  go on the strap of a messenger bag right [TS]

  so already it's it's like bike messenger [TS]

  connected and it i believe it was for an [TS]

  ipod or maybe an early iteration of a [TS]

  phone [TS]

  yeah it was i'm pretty sure I know what [TS]

  it's for it was for you can put your [TS]

  candy bar phone in this velcro holder [TS]

  and it had the velcro wouldn't go around [TS]

  you like your turn back to strap that's [TS]

  right you can access access your phone [TS]

  it was Timbuktu branded and she said [TS]

  what does this does this does this fit [TS]

  your phone and I was like no she's also [TS]

  but that's gotta be good for something [TS]

  she's well because that's exactly what i [TS]

  said and she said doesn't fit any item [TS]

  that you currently have and I said no no [TS]

  but it's that that's not what matters [TS]

  it's a bit of perfectly great little [TS]

  pouch you could put matches in it at [TS]

  udcc I've I could say and nothing I [TS]

  don't not sure you're talking about here [TS]

  but whoever that person is an [TS]

  understanding that may have been [TS]

  designed have a nokia phone in it but [TS]

  that doesn't mean you gotta quit fucking [TS]

  nokia phone and now there could be there [TS]

  could be 1500 paper clips in there you [TS]

  could put talking about the popcorn [TS]

  popcorn in there [TS]

  thank you could put popcorn in there [TS]

  that is not a thing I thought the [TS]

  popcorn hold but I could should have [TS]

  said that you could put a bunch of short [TS]

  pens are you can you can have a handbook [TS]

  space but it's a handful of space but [TS]

  right before conference you can have [TS]

  space pens made that you give out to [TS]

  people you see myself well I don't want [TS]

  to dig in my bag everything i want to [TS]

  give away a band I got emotional about i [TS]

  have apart from everybody and even one [TS]

  hand sanitizer in there you could fill [TS]

  it with it you can fill it with a with [TS]

  like a conditioner you can put coffee [TS]

  beans in their members great so so I so [TS]

  I'm fighting her on this Timbuktu strap [TS]

  a tactical strap holder like you know a [TS]

  toothpick candle holder and she said she [TS]

  gave me this look the stern look the [TS]

  unsympathetic look and she said [TS]

  seriously gonna fight me over this thing [TS]

  and I was like no and she said good and [TS]

  she put it in the go to the thrift store [TS]

  bag huh [TS]

  and I was like okay I mean that is a [TS]

  time sometime i agree but seriously that [TS]

  is a perfectly good tactical pouch and [TS]

  then the next thing she held up was a [TS]

  piece of green string and it was a it's [TS]

  a beautiful piece of green string that I [TS]

  have been keeping around because I knew [TS]

  it was a special piece of string and I [TS]

  knew that it was going to be useful i [TS]

  haven't yet figured out how it's going [TS]

  to be useful but it was definitely going [TS]

  to be useful and I realized that she was [TS]

  holding it up that I had been carrying [TS]

  it with me for 23 years and that every [TS]

  time I pulled it out of something I was [TS]

  like this is killer string it was about [TS]

  one foot long and then and the thing is [TS]

  it's just a piece of string so I would [TS]

  move it whenever I would be cleaning out [TS]

  earlier box i would just move the string [TS]

  to the new box because it seemed crazy [TS]

  to throw away this incredible one foot [TS]

  length of string and she was likes and [TS]

  again she came into like seriously this [TS]

  yeah i mean before I even protested she [TS]

  was like what is this even in both of [TS]

  these cases also there's not particular [TS]

  stories associated with these but but [TS]

  there is to you obvious utility in these [TS]

  magical potential potential utility [TS]

  potential utility there was always going [TS]

  to be a moment when I was like cut out [TS]

  you know what I need one foot of really [TS]

  awesome green string or six inches twice [TS]

  or six inches twice of green string but [TS]

  but string that has to be spent it has [TS]

  big string that has a kind of special [TS]

  some mad magnitude Trapattoni gift for a [TS]

  mouse [TS]

  well that is exactly one of the things [TS]

  that I thought of but in any case she's [TS]

  holding up the string and I I so I had [TS]

  already acquiesced to the timbuk2 pouch [TS]

  going in the thrift store thing but the [TS]

  string was a bridge too far and i took [TS]

  the string and I just hiding string [TS]

  saving I tied it around my wrist wrapped [TS]

  it around twice tied it with a job he [TS]

  not [TS]

  and I said look it is now it is [TS]

  decorative and I'm not somebody who [TS]

  wears a lot of adornment but now i have [TS]

  so today i have this spectacular i think [TS]

  green sort of rope risks a but it's like [TS]

  a personal Kabbalah thing because [TS]

  without men like Madonna bracelet [TS]

  exactly well well isn't she the one who [TS]

  made the Kabbalah bracelet popular for [TS]

  you to everybody's wearing string this [TS]

  is the problem the next thing that Jason [TS]

  Finn says to me after he notices that [TS]

  i'm wearing a t-shirt because he says [TS]

  what's with the coldplay bracelet haha [TS]

  oh my effing getting it from all sides [TS]

  here I the string has been with me for [TS]

  23 years and now i'm rocking it i think [TS]

  pretty well I think it's like it's [TS]

  pretty jazzy but the thing is you're [TS]

  like somebody like think about all the [TS]

  things you just in this visit of ours [TS]

  alone talking about being able to tell [TS]

  the stories and feel the past of the [TS]

  cars right you think about the way that [TS]

  those startups out there are pulling the [TS]

  memories out of old men's clothes you [TS]

  look at the string and you see a story [TS]

  you like somebody named night Shyamalan [TS]

  movie like you're seeing stuff that [TS]

  other people can't see it's not because [TS]

  you're hallucinating [TS]

  it's because they did they don't have [TS]

  the sensitivity to the vibrations that [TS]

  you use the right you see what these [TS]

  objects are putting out there and [TS]

  they're just walking past going what [TS]

  really string think you're like yeah [TS]

  string they do not make string like this [TS]

  anymore if you went out like if you went [TS]

  to a store that said just if there was [TS]

  called just strength is probably a store [TS]

  in Portland [TS]

  I bet you there isn't it well or it's [TS]

  that's the type of straws string string [TS]

  along particles positively string strung [TS]

  out and they have artisanal stretch [TS]

  yeah it's also the type of store that [TS]

  would be on the Main Street about [TS]

  otherwise failing town haha alright [TS]

  alright like it like it would be inside [TS]

  the inside the former Tandy radio shack [TS]

  that be a place called like strings and [TS]

  things and you go in there and it's [TS]

  every kind of strength maybe the maybe [TS]

  the gal and I'm [TS]

  i'm pretty sure it's a gal who's running [TS]

  strings and things in downtown full of [TS]

  cats down everything is your batty the [TS]

  stripping yeah i bet you if i went in [TS]

  there with this string and said can you [TS]

  duplicate this string she would first of [TS]

  all she would take a moment and be like [TS]

  she got a loop but that's a little [TS]

  jewelers live ya should get out she'd be [TS]

  like that's incredible i haven't seen [TS]

  string like that since the eighties [TS]

  replicating the string it is not [TS]

  possible because she would go [TS]

  possible because she would go [TS]

  back in the back and she bring some [TS]

  string out you're crashing sheep yeah [TS]

  that's right she'll be back there for 20 [TS]

  minutes should come out and she'd have a [TS]

  really apologetic look on her face and [TS]

  she'd say this is as close as I get but [TS]

  it just wouldn't have the hefty just [TS]

  three inches of light green jute yeah [TS]

  exactly it wouldn't it wouldn't have the [TS]

  it wouldn't have the waft or the the for [TS]

  the Wolves mm and and we would both [TS]

  agree [TS]

  no in fact that isn't it and I would [TS]

  walk out of there with the string that I [TS]

  have the string that I came in with you [TS]

  know what I mean [TS]

  and I'd be like that's right my-my to [TS]

  Mike my foot foot foot and it's [TS]

  basically a foot 12 inches of great [TS]

  strain and and no one can no one can [TS]

  take it from so glad you saved it i did [TS]

  get I did I did allow for a lot of [TS]

  things to get thrown away Bell what [TS]

  would you get money ask what were some [TS]

  like you know pound-for-pound for some [TS]

  relatively easy ones to let go of [TS]

  everything we're like that [TS]

  I'm glad somebody brought it up well [TS]

  there are two two things stick out one [TS]

  of them was about 15 years ago I took I [TS]

  took a correspondence geology course and [TS]

  i really enjoyed it and the way that you [TS]

  either way that you did the course was [TS]

  you you know you did your homework [TS]

  mailed it into the professor and the [TS]

  professor corrected it and mailed it [TS]

  back to you kidding me [TS]

  we said correspondence course about you [TS]

  it really hit literally sent in the mail [TS]

  that mailed it in an envelope to hide [TS]

  was a long time ago and so I I carried [TS]

  on this correspondence course and i [TS]

  really enjoyed the studying and I [TS]

  enjoyed the geology and I enjoyed the [TS]

  homework but when and everything was [TS]

  that that you would send the the the [TS]

  homework in and also sending a [TS]

  self-addressed stamped envelope [TS]

  so the professor would send them the [TS]

  homework back in an envelope which had [TS]

  your handwriting on it [TS]

  I remember the East always feel so weird [TS]

  to get a letter in my own handwriting ya [TS]

  self addressed stamped is when you can't [TS]

  remember what it was for right even [TS]

  weirder right when they're gone for a [TS]

  long time and then you're like you just [TS]

  get the self-addressed stamped envelope [TS]

  thanks so much anymore but that used to [TS]

  be a thing if you want free stuff it [TS]

  tells me some stickers or get our [TS]

  catalog or something like that or you [TS]

  know and it must be so weird to get mail [TS]

  and it was like a folded-up envelope [TS]

  with your own handwriting on it was [TS]

  super creepy [TS]

  yep so I got all the homework [TS]

  assignments back but I never opened the [TS]

  envelopes and now now that I've said it [TS]

  a couple of times i don't know whether [TS]

  to pronounce that envelope envelope also [TS]

  i'm gonna go with envelope from here on [TS]

  out they were envelopes to begin with [TS]

  but now their envelopes so but i but i [TS]

  enjoyed the class so much that it wasn't [TS]

  like I wanted to throw them away i just [TS]

  didn't I didn't care what I didn't care [TS]

  about the grade i didn't care about the [TS]

  you know I just never opened them but i [TS]

  kept them so i had 10 or 12 pretty thick [TS]

  envelopes it in my own handwriting that [TS]

  I knew had an entire class of geology in [TS]

  it and I couldn't and now it was 15 [TS]

  years old I couldn't bring myself to [TS]

  throw it away and my unsentimental [TS]

  friend was like again I mean she really [TS]

  only needed one look which was seriously [TS]

  see that it's sort of like not clean out [TS]

  your couch all the way I don't want to [TS]

  leave something oh please tell me you [TS]

  open at least one of them so I so I was [TS]

  like all right and the thing is my job [TS]

  at the at this at this point in the [TS]

  cleaning had become just sit in a chair [TS]

  and things end up in my lap and I'm [TS]

  telling the story of them and she's [TS]

  ignoring me and and you know figuring [TS]

  stuff out but so I opened up the first [TS]

  one and here's this geology homework [TS]

  from 15 years ago and there's red [TS]

  teacher marks all over it from a teacher [TS]

  that I had never met [TS]

  saying great job really interesting read [TS]

  you know really interesting uh idea or [TS]

  whatever because I you know it was like [TS]

  I was I was expanding on it wasn't just [TS]

  like is this shifter what it was like I [TS]

  was talking about a geological ideas and [TS]

  so then I opened another one and hear [TS]

  all these red marks from this teacher [TS]

  where she's like John I really thought [TS]

  that this was you know great job and [TS]

  this is you know in here a couple more [TS]

  things to think about and so then I'm [TS]

  opening all the envelopes and I had been [TS]

  having this whole conversation with this [TS]

  teacher but I wasn't aware of it because [TS]

  I never opened the envelopes and by the [TS]

  end of the class she was writing all [TS]

  these long red remarks like you know [TS]

  what a pleasure having you in the class [TS]

  you know this you didn't you know [TS]

  exceptional work throughout and this is [TS]

  clearly an a paper at every level and [TS]

  and you know and at one point she was [TS]

  like I'm from Alaska to and started on [TS]

  my Kaiser never even knew never knew huh [TS]

  and this has just been sort of sitting [TS]

  there on my you know on it really [TS]

  actually on top of a dresser in the room [TS]

  of stories for all this time and you [TS]

  know now i feel like i should look her [TS]

  up [TS]

  uh we had we had a really great [TS]

  conversation going and I was [TS]

  communicating exclusively in geology [TS]

  homework but she was you know sending me [TS]

  all this sort of flank personal chatty [TS]

  professor stuff my goodness and it was [TS]

  really it was pretty heavy and so I got [TS]

  to the last assignment which was the [TS]

  final paper which I barely remember [TS]

  writing it's like a 15 page paper on the [TS]

  island of Santorini and it's covered in [TS]

  her remarks and I was like all right you [TS]

  know what I can throw away all of these [TS]

  you know all these worksheets and all of [TS]

  these maps and all of this all of this [TS]

  colored pencil stuff I can throw it all [TS]

  away but i'm not going to be able to [TS]

  throw away this final paper with all of [TS]

  these personal remarks on it and so my [TS]

  unsentimental friend had provided for me [TS]

  by this time a multi pocket file folder [TS]

  which the truly on on a colorable items [TS]

  could could go in and be safely stored [TS]

  and so it found it found its own slot in [TS]

  the bag and feel good about that i think [TS]

  i can live with it [TS]

  I mean I feel like I you know like 12 [TS]

  envelopes gone but the but the report [TS]

  got saved and strength that let you have [TS]

  that strength and the string got saved [TS]

  now that the one the final thing that [TS]

  I'm really torn about you have time for [TS]

  this [TS]

  yeah you have somewhere else to be in [TS]

  fifth grade I liked downhill skiing [TS]

  quite a bit and my dad liked to downhill [TS]

  ski on the two of us were that we bonded [TS]

  a lot over downhill skiing and in fifth [TS]

  grade there was some sort of pottery [TS]

  module that came through our class where [TS]

  we were all making we were too old to [TS]

  make handprints in a circle of clay we [TS]

  were we were to the next level to make [TS]

  pencil holders or something [TS]

  do you remember making anything in the [TS]

  pottery yeah I remember making ashtrays [TS]

  master you can make a straight and later [TS]

  on you make a pipe when you're in [TS]

  college [TS]

  exactly ok so i'm sure a lot of my [TS]

  favorite it all comes back to marijuana [TS]

  does it does it eventually you're going [TS]

  to make a bomb but now it's funny I mean [TS]

  like you there was a lot of funny how [TS]

  much ashtray making there was when we [TS]

  were kids [TS]

  yeah just something with a Sunday school [TS]

  or or regular school or whatever it was [TS]

  you gotten past hand and footprints and [TS]

  you may be worn up the pencil holder you [TS]

  could at least make a rudimentary a [TS]

  place for your mom dad put [TS]

  instance yeah and and nobody in my [TS]

  family smokes [TS]

  by the time i was in fifth grade and so [TS]

  I had no I had no astray to make and so [TS]

  what I made was a little not little [TS]

  actually it's about the size of a [TS]

  paperback book and I wrote the word ski [TS]

  in clay on a clay square and I painted [TS]

  it and i fired it and I gave it to my [TS]

  dad [TS]

  huh and my dad put it up on the top of [TS]

  his kitchen cupboard and it was there [TS]

  and it moved with him and it went with [TS]

  him all the way everywhere he went [TS]

  and then when he died I inherited again [TS]

  and I put it in the room of stories upon [TS]

  on the top of the shelf and so I'm [TS]

  cleaning the room stories and my [TS]

  unsentimental friend picks this thing up [TS]

  and without even batting an eye [TS]

  cox her arm as though to throw it [TS]

  she's not even looking at me for [TS]

  approval she cocked her arm to throw [TS]

  this thing in the thrift store bag and I [TS]

  was like wait a minute and I tell her [TS]

  the story and she's just rolling her [TS]

  eyes and she says what good is it was [TS]

  like it never occurred to me it's not [TS]

  good for anything and she was like is it [TS]

  beautiful and I looked at it for the [TS]

  first time I had never really seen it [TS]

  before this moment and I realized that [TS]

  it was a piece of shit that I had and I [TS]

  was embarrassed that in fifth grade I [TS]

  mean in fifth grade there are children [TS]

  who can play the cello there are [TS]

  children who have played the cello for [TS]

  the President of the United States of [TS]

  America [TS]

  yeah in fifth grade spelling bee winners [TS]

  jugglers kids that have survived famines [TS]

  and i made this little shite thing [TS]

  that's not even an ashtray [TS]

  it's just a nothing it's just a shite I [TS]

  it's not even square [TS]

  I didn't even I didn't I wasn't even [TS]

  careful enough to square the edges [TS]

  it's like it's just a piece of shit and [TS]

  i was astonished to discover that this [TS]

  thing that had been with me my whole [TS]

  life it always peered down at me from [TS]

  some top shelf somewhere was just a hunk [TS]

  of garbage if if it went into the thrift [TS]

  store bag it would go through the thrift [TS]

  store and a good price that was at one [TS]

  cent and it would sit there on the shelf [TS]

  until somebody knocked it off and broke [TS]

  no one would mourn it [TS]

  uh-huh and yet I could not allow it to [TS]

  go and now what what does that say [TS]

  Marlon I i know that's I don't say that [TS]

  that's super-complicated and there's a [TS]

  lot of angles to that one and the ending [TS]

  you shovel on me with the ending that [TS]

  was quite a twist again because it [TS]

  sounds like as you look at it it had [TS]

  accumulated the value of being something [TS]

  your father hadn't hung onto through his [TS]

  life but as you look at it you didn't [TS]

  feel like it was anything super special [TS]

  i mean he he put it up on top of the [TS]

  Shelf because his son made it and but he [TS]

  couldn't possibly have been proud [TS]

  because the first time he saw it he must [TS]

  have looked at it and said oh shit now i [TS]

  have to carry this with me it's not [TS]

  useful [TS]

  it's not decorative it right just it's [TS]

  just shit it's just a piece of garbage [TS]

  yeah I don't over complicate this it was [TS]

  gone [TS]

  well no I so i put it so that was one of [TS]

  the few things that got put into [TS]

  so into the limbo state into the into [TS]

  the between universes place which is [TS]

  like balanced on the corner of a table [TS]

  everyone who walks into the room has to [TS]

  look around and say wow the room looks [TS]

  great [TS]

  you clean up the room story is amazing [TS]

  and then their eyes will fall upon this [TS]

  ski sign [TS]

  alright well not exactly one thought on [TS]

  this this is not to try as much because [TS]

  i want to share this story but this is [TS]

  not to persuade you to keep it because [TS]

  it sounds like you probably don't need [TS]

  to maybe take a photo of it and that [TS]

  would be enough [TS]

  that's something that's what i did with [TS]

  a lot of my stuff that I had trouble [TS]

  getting rid of during one of our big [TS]

  purchase with photograph anything i [TS]

  wanted to keep the memory of but i have [TS]

  to say excuse me that one aspect of this [TS]

  is complicated is that the fact that [TS]

  it's fucked up an ugly and old and [TS]

  stupid becomes part of the charm to me [TS]

  and I you know you're little you know [TS]

  and think just because you were shitty [TS]

  at it doesn't make it not valuable on [TS]

  its own and Ally mention this because [TS]

  this one time when I was 10 [TS]

  maybe probably four or five it's [TS]

  whatever i was still playing with [TS]

  play-doh and would have had a disney [TS]

  related Plato set and I made the world's [TS]

  shittiest snow white out of a single [TS]

  piece of red play-doh for my grandmother [TS]

  it was super ugly and super dumb but all [TS]

  I mean it took me what who cares a [TS]

  little kid I you know it just it was [TS]

  just a dumb thing I made it I was at [TS]

  their house i made this I gave it to her [TS]

  she was thrilled with it and she put it [TS]

  on the mantel right so this is probably [TS]

  not making maybe nineteen seventy one or [TS]

  two maybe she put it up there and she [TS]

  kept it there and it and it got old and [TS]

  stupid like Plato is not made to be kept [TS]

  over a fireplace for many years and it [TS]

  got kind of whitish and over the years [TS]

  she had to insert needles in it to like [TS]

  make it hold the head on and it was it [TS]

  was just the most ugly and dreadful [TS]

  crumbling thing you've ever seen in your [TS]

  life [TS]

  of course by the time she passed away in [TS]

  1987 it was it was truly awful but you [TS]

  know at that point it had been up there [TS]

  for whatever 15 years and yeah we did we [TS]

  threw it away but it was quite a moment [TS]

  for me to realize my grandmother had [TS]

  kept that [TS]

  I was really young and as ugly and [TS]

  stupid as broken as it was it still made [TS]

  me remember her well but I didn't feel [TS]

  like I needed to keep the broken snow [TS]

  white but it was a nice memory for me so [TS]

  you know I think you can let the ski [TS]

  thing go let it go but you can still [TS]

  appreciate just because you don't have [TS]

  that in your hand anymore doesn't mean [TS]

  that you don't appreciate your dad and [TS]

  the fact that he kept because of you I [TS]

  think that that's a perfectly sane kind [TS]

  of sentimentality to have it doesn't [TS]

  mean you have to keep every piece of [TS]

  that could you let him in your heart [TS]

  even if you don't have ski on your shelf [TS]

  yeah yeah my you know my dad didn't have [TS]

  very good taste either he might actually [TS]

  thought it was good [TS]

  so many twists [TS]