Roderick on the Line

Ep. 178: "Action Movie Doctor"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you by braintree you're [TS]

  working on a mobile app and searching [TS]

  for a simple payment solution checkout [TS]

  braintree to learn more and for your [TS]

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  transactions fee-free go to braintree [TS]

  payments calm / supertrain [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  I'm Merlin how's it going good to hear [TS]

  your voice [TS]

  it's good to hear your voice it sounds [TS]

  really clear and crisp and present i'm [TS]

  always trying to up my game [TS]

  what have you done well you know I brush [TS]

  my teeth a had two three coffees I've [TS]

  had a smell towards oh I can smell them [TS]

  from here [TS]

  mm-hmm I know you know I'm I you know I [TS]

  try you know not that hard its [TS]

  podcasting yeah right exactly you know [TS]

  doesn't seem like drop it's like you [TS]

  really need to try that hard you know [TS]

  remember when when when the when the [TS]

  Pearl Jam first arrived on the scene huh [TS]

  and you remember that music video for [TS]

  the one about the kid that kills [TS]

  everybody in his in his classroom and [TS]

  yellow sun because they don't because [TS]

  anyone ever has their your arm in there [TS]

  and do your video [TS]

  yeah great video very very very [TS]

  evocative very current [TS]

  I don't use that one of those but issues [TS]

  it definitely was about issues but I [TS]

  remember the I remember most distinctly [TS]

  see I didn't have a TV then as now but i [TS]

  but I did see that video a lot because I [TS]

  just for my records you you don't you [TS]

  don't have a TV at all right now [TS]

  well it's not that I don't have a TV i [TS]

  have a TV that I have a one of those [TS]

  giant cathode ray tube tvs that was [TS]

  given to me by my next-door neighbor ok [TS]

  alright that that I haven't you know [TS]

  it's not plugged in but I can't get rid [TS]

  of because nobody wants ok so I mean I [TS]

  open my own one [TS]

  it's just actually attending I don't be [TS]

  sensitive about it okay to continue [TS]

  so at then as now he didn't own a TV [TS]

  right or rather than I didn't know the [TS]

  TV now I own a TV [TS]

  mm I'm a TV owner but you didn't have [TS]

  cable especially well I don't have cable [TS]

  now and I didn't have cable but your [TS]

  cord cutter clipped it clipped it [TS]

  however i did see that video a lot [TS]

  because MTV was still in its waning days [TS]

  of ubiquity [TS]

  and I remember thinking what is he doing [TS]

  what is any better [TS]

  mr. fetter what is he doing with his [TS]

  teeth why is he baring his teeth was he [TS]

  showing them to me [TS]

  yeah with the big guy like this big [TS]

  saucer eyes [TS]

  yeah but all the it was all the teeth [TS]

  that that's that freaked me out and [TS]

  scare me yeah all the back [TS]

  big big big like a teeth mouth mmm and [TS]

  it was a style of singing that he was [TS]

  broadcasting that I had that I prior to [TS]

  that didn't know you know I knew the [TS]

  black open your mouth big and I knew the [TS]

  hood Wow [TS]

  but like he his mouth is an open it like [TS]

  it's not open wide it's just that his [TS]

  lips are open wide [TS]

  who is like teasing you so then I was in [TS]

  the recording studio many years later [TS]

  and I was singing a song i was like [TS]

  sitting in this song but I was just [TS]

  seeing it you know normal like rubadoux [TS]

  sort of in mypin my mouth in my brain [TS]

  uh-huh but it just doesn't sound [TS]

  articulate enough it didn't have the [TS]

  clarity that I wanted it just sounded [TS]

  like i was bored and so for whatever [TS]

  reason I started to sing with the any [TS]

  better like can you hear can hear the [TS]

  difference in like seeing them talking [TS]

  right now and then i'm gonna i'm talking [TS]

  like this and though and it's like [TS]

  brightened it up with the you just peel [TS]

  your lips back off your teeth and only [TS]

  Son some relevant like you've had enough [TS]

  yeah all of a sudden it's just like I've [TS]

  got all this energy and this stuff to [TS]

  say because my my lips aren't in the way [TS]

  of what of what my teeth are trying to [TS]

  tell me [TS]

  and so and I just like and I just had [TS]

  all this sort of aggressive energy in [TS]

  the song and I realized that that you [TS]

  can convey so much by just how like [TS]

  tight your lips are and how like much [TS]

  you [TS]

  I get them off your teeth mad get them [TS]

  off so anyway that's what you sounded [TS]

  like early when you first one it when I [TS]

  first picked up the phone i was like [TS]

  'well Merlin's really baring his teeth [TS]

  today [TS]

  you think I'm being intense no not [TS]

  intense but like good like em you know [TS]

  the press [TS]

  and i'm interested in face shapes you [TS]

  know my mom was in sales and she said [TS]

  something she did when she was doing a [TS]

  real estate was whenever she would speak [TS]

  to someone on the phone she would smile [TS]

  and that when you see me smile while [TS]

  you're speaking to someone it's [TS]

  telegraphing to the phone he's you sound [TS]

  a little crazy clown but if you try [TS]

  smiling when you're talking you sound [TS]

  happier when you smile the whole world i [TS]

  got listen to you sound so happy right i [TS]

  mean it's just right there in your in [TS]

  your face your relevant now in a [TS]

  different way [TS]

  super smiley like ready to sell some [TS]

  real estate [TS]

  yes yeah right i mean i-i don't do that [TS]

  enough and there are lots of people that [TS]

  smile all the time just their faces are [TS]

  just they just learn to smile all the [TS]

  time [TS]

  well you know this week on a ping-pong [TS]

  corner I'm gonna tell you that when i [TS]

  moved to san francisco i had noted to a [TS]

  friend of mine that in my largely [TS]

  predominantly Chinese neighborhood [TS]

  mostly older chinese people [TS]

  yeah I was really struck by uh yeah it's [TS]

  just you against the kind of thing you [TS]

  say when literacy was totally lose but [TS]

  like the Chinese people do you suppose [TS]

  the older chinese people in my [TS]

  neighborhood [TS]

  do not engage they sometimes engage with [TS]

  one another but you don't see a lot in [TS]

  public and they very rarely make eye [TS]

  contact with or talk to people and I I [TS]

  was a little thrown off right because [TS]

  i'm from at that point north florida I'm [TS]

  used to and even in the rest of San [TS]

  Francisco ain't shit man people are [TS]

  joining each other's conversations on [TS]

  street corners in San Francisco all the [TS]

  time it's a very social town so I was [TS]

  kind of struck by that night i said this [TS]

  to a friend of mine did you have you [TS]

  ever have you ever noticed this as well [TS]

  no yeah actually I have and they said i [TS]

  don't know this is true and forgive me [TS]

  this ping-pong but that supposedly that [TS]

  the whole like smiling all the time for [TS]

  no reason is not a thing for chinese [TS]

  people that it's considered I guess [TS]

  maybe like insincere or maybe like [TS]

  reveal some kind of weakness like you're [TS]

  on your back on your heels a little bit [TS]

  i don't know if that's true but some [TS]

  people smile a lot more than others even [TS]

  when they're not happy ending for [TS]

  everybody smiles all the time [TS]

  well right and nobody's happy nobody's [TS]

  happy to in north Florida in my [TS]

  experience in Europe which is the [TS]

  majority of my overseas experience [TS]

  people over there consider Americans to [TS]

  be fairly insincere not not just because [TS]

  we smile [TS]

  I'll artificially and for no reason but [TS]

  also that we congratulate each other all [TS]

  the time and that we say things that are [TS]

  good ideas when they aren't right and we [TS]

  just generally blow smoke up one [TS]

  another's asses as a form of politeness [TS]

  and particularly in the in Northern [TS]

  Europe that is considered like a very [TS]

  American behavior and very like untrue i [TS]

  better make you seem a little bit like a [TS]

  huckster yeah that's exactly right [TS]

  this kind of visit the sense of like [TS]

  that an American is trying to sell you [TS]

  something is trying to put one over on [TS]

  you right and particularly like the [TS]

  Germans and the Dutch do not feel like [TS]

  they need to be complemented they want [TS]

  to be told the straight story and the [TS]

  and the Danes seem to be similar [TS]

  so I mean and down in this down in like [TS]

  the Mediterranean countries it's not [TS]

  it's not so true [TS]

  they have different culture but for sure [TS]

  the different culture of likes [TS]

  compliments and smile but like in the [TS]

  North boy mean i am not a particularly [TS]

  complimenti effusive person but the [TS]

  first couple of times I got off stage [TS]

  and came down and said at the merch [TS]

  table and like it was a line of people [TS]

  in each one of them was like it was not [TS]

  so bad right now it's just pick up bags [TS]

  I i read this book in the nineties [TS]

  suggested by by my friend's father a guy [TS]

  who did a lot of international travel i [TS]

  think i learned about this book from him [TS]

  or at least my interest came out of this [TS]

  so he traveled a lot of Japan a lot [TS]

  throughout Asia and yes also Europe and [TS]

  was just talking about like the the [TS]

  cultural differences that you you really [TS]

  forget these things at your peril and [TS]

  one of them that really struck me was so [TS]

  anyway this was led me to read this book [TS]

  called kiss bow or shake hands and it's [TS]

  basically a book for tingling Americans [TS]

  about things that might surprise you [TS]

  when you go to another country and [TS]

  there's the things you've heard about [TS]

  like don't show people the sole of your [TS]

  shoe in like Saudi Arabia like those [TS]

  things like that there's a lot don't [TS]

  shake a left hand turkey don't spit on [TS]

  the ground in Morocco [TS]

  I can tell you for sure don't do that [TS]

  because i had a knife pointed at me [TS]

  you're kidding [TS]

  no I was it is that's the equivalent of [TS]

  taking up taking a poop on the sidewalk [TS]

  well no it was it happened at a very [TS]

  inopportune time when I was young I [TS]

  don't know if you ever experienced this [TS]

  but like I went through a phase where I [TS]

  I was spitting all the time I've had [TS]

  faces for sure [TS]

  yeah we're just like just I think every [TS]

  teenage boy it's almost like a rite of [TS]

  passage but I'm talking broad terms [TS]

  today a lot a lot of teenage boys or [TS]

  preteen boys definitely go through a [TS]

  spinny thing I see in my neighborhood is [TS]

  a huge spitting culture in my [TS]

  neighborhood [TS]

  yeah I i find it disgusting I don't even [TS]

  I can't even identify with where I was [TS]

  coming from the time but I just I just [TS]

  spit a lot and I was in Morocco where [TS]

  that is already like not a good deal and [TS]

  I was in a public market in Marrakech [TS]

  and I was this is what made it awful i [TS]

  was actually negotiating with a guy [TS]

  oh dear that's got layers yeah so I'm [TS]

  sitting there and it's you know and i'm [TS]

  not i'm not in the the market [TS]

  I'm like out in front of the market kind [TS]

  of in a in an area where people have [TS]

  their wares out on blankets and I'm and [TS]

  I'm negotiating with the guy over a belt [TS]

  like a like a hold your pants up belt [TS]

  yeah and I just at some point in the [TS]

  conversation I just spit on the ground [TS]

  and he reacted violently and it became a [TS]

  big fracas and I was like I hate no I [TS]

  didn't you know I meant no offense I was [TS]

  just you know i'm 20 years old and I [TS]

  don't know my ass from a hole in the [TS]

  ground and you know he's like hit 2 30 [TS]

  seconds before he was like you know [TS]

  that's it will be 30 and I was like I [TS]

  will you take 20 and he was like let's [TS]

  let's say 27 and I was like why don't we [TS]

  do 24 and whoa so so that was not just [TS]

  like bad hygiene belly hate behavior [TS]

  it was kind of a fuck you to him oh it [TS]

  was some kind of anything was I wasn't [TS]

  he didn't make an offer a nice [TS]

  spit on the ground like it was was just [TS]

  at going bad timing necklace that timing [TS]

  but boy he really took it that way and [TS]

  and I think that that well I'd like to [TS]

  say that that was the last time I ever [TS]

  spit in front of somebody but then I'm I [TS]

  moved to Seattle a couple years later [TS]

  and i started drinking lattes [TS]

  mm I like creates a lot of mucus yeah [TS]

  I'd never had never had a coffee before [TS]

  I came here I was 21 I was 22 and never [TS]

  had a coffee and then somebody handed me [TS]

  like this pint glass full of [TS]

  half-and-half had one shot of espresso [TS]

  and I was like this is the greatest [TS]

  drink of all time right [TS]

  why would have I been missing like I [TS]

  should have sure this is are you sure [TS]

  this is coffee [TS]

  it should have been drinking that sanka [TS]

  this whole time this stuff tastes [TS]

  amazing and that for like nine months i [TS]

  drink four pints of half and half a day [TS]

  and I was just talking lose everywhere [TS]

  until I realized that's not coffee its [TS]

  yeah that's something else that's a [TS]

  gateway nobody you would love in our [TS]

  neighborhood just be walking down the [TS]

  street [TS]

  sixty-five-year-old Chinese lady comes [TS]

  and just doesn't giant snot rocket out [TS]

  of nowhere farmers hanky like my kid and [TS]

  i'll be walking with his jaw and just [TS]

  giant runny like nine inch long a booger [TS]

  like hanging out there headed toward the [TS]

  sidewalk [TS]

  oh no boogers boogers so against boogers [TS]

  now now here's the thing I I used to [TS]

  think this was just a bit or just a joke [TS]

  but people from i would say the UK is a [TS]

  from england in particular I mean you [TS]

  know there is a very sophisticated level [TS]

  of code switching going on on this is [TS]

  that the right word but but the thing is [TS]

  it you know depending when I've been [TS]

  England and you obviously dealt with [TS]

  English people now you have them in your [TS]

  car little boy and and the thing about [TS]

  English people by and large especially [TS]

  people from London i'm going to say that [TS]

  I have met is that there is a very it is [TS]

  almost like North Florida in the sense [TS]

  that there is a lot it's encoded in what [TS]

  people say and don't say oh yeah where [TS]

  there's a high level of a parent [TS]

  civility masking a lot of so [TS]

  aggression hmm maybe not aggression but [TS]

  like I said there's like a million ways [TS]

  to say you didn't do that particularly [TS]

  well did you know she would never just [TS]

  say that was shit or something like that [TS]

  but you know it's in fact is that whole [TS]

  twitter account book called what's it [TS]

  called like it's called something like [TS]

  weirdly British problems and all about [TS]

  like you know they need to be [TS]

  ridiculously civil at all times [TS]

  regardless of how you feel so like you [TS]

  go into a retail store and you know the [TS]

  people who are working in there are [TS]

  incredibly civil but not very nice and [TS]

  not very helpful you know what I mean [TS]

  it's but that's that's what you get used [TS]

  to em so I i would i would also [TS]

  stipulate that like I'm the fish out of [TS]

  water here like I'm the weirdo [TS]

  so I'm gonna try to say that the way I [TS]

  do things the right way it's just that [TS]

  it is jarring when you go somewhere was [TS]

  not expecting another one from that that [TS]

  father the business guy was that he said [TS]

  when you go to Japan for business [TS]

  you usually go there for several days [TS]

  and it's considered very rude to talk [TS]

  about business during the first day [TS]

  oh yeah I don't you tell me if you think [TS]

  that's true but there's a lot of like [TS]

  sitting in like a hot bath together and [TS]

  talking about family and stuff or like [TS]

  that you would just have a day of golf [TS]

  where if you started bringing up the [TS]

  deal on the golf course on the first day [TS]

  you just look at total rube [TS]

  oh yeah well I I feel like that should [TS]

  be the way that we do business here you [TS]

  know the way to do business not talk [TS]

  about business first rule of business [TS]

  yeah don't talk about business yeah [TS]

  that's pretty good [TS]

  first rule of business at the whole butt [TS]

  and it's all it's all tied up in class [TS]

  to you know i mean if you're from London [TS]

  but you were born within earshot of a [TS]

  certain set of church bells you have a [TS]

  very different take on this then if you [TS]

  went to the london school of economics [TS]

  so that all of that sort of like [TS]

  insincerity what what appears to us to [TS]

  be in sincerity but is really deeply [TS]

  encoded class behavior [TS]

  i mean i-i can't make sense of it all [TS]

  and i have i have close enough friends [TS]

  in the UK that I have been [TS]

  pop this up in you know sitting around [TS]

  the dinner table at night like hey [TS]

  something too curious when you say this [TS]

  it appears to mean the opposite and they [TS]

  kind of look at each other and go what [TS]

  do you mean right in that they see [TS]

  something like you say like hey do you [TS]

  want to go sleep in a cabin for a week [TS]

  and they say like oh that would be [TS]

  lovely [TS]

  yeah right which-- which means no [TS]

  fucking way do I want to sleep in the [TS]

  cabin [TS]

  yea and all that stuff and you know [TS]

  they're kind of their hearing it for the [TS]

  first time it's really like a hamburger [TS]

  hamburger bang bang yeah uh where it had [TS]

  never occurred to them that the actual [TS]

  words they were using and in some ways [TS]

  the tone didn't line up with the meaning [TS]

  and so it's like so deeply ingrained [TS]

  right and I'm you know I'm sure it in [TS]

  the u.s. there are equivalent like [TS]

  incongruity these but but because of our [TS]

  you know because of our Wild West [TS]

  heritage because of andrew jackson we [TS]

  really tell it like it is in this [TS]

  country as long as what it is is a big [TS]

  fucking snow job that's trying to get [TS]

  you trying to get your wallet as long as [TS]

  as long as that's what it is that we [TS]

  tell it like that [TS]

  let's talk about something about this [TS]

  the other day that especially it feels [TS]

  like in the south [TS]

  maybe in the Midwest there's def always [TS]

  feel like there's a thing [TS]

  not always but I frequently feel like [TS]

  that is that can be difficult to do [TS]

  without seeming rude that there is a [TS]

  certain kind of accepted like let's week [TS]

  we should ask about each other's [TS]

  families [TS]

  mm maybe you might even like ask it's [TS]

  pretty common ones place to ask how's [TS]

  your health like there's all these kinds [TS]

  of things you ask that kind of create [TS]

  the environment for having a more [TS]

  intimate conversation when you first [TS]

  talked about these things and that that [TS]

  that is part of the standard opening [TS]

  gambit and a lot of conversations is you [TS]

  know let's let's talk about these kind [TS]

  of general things before we talk about [TS]

  these specific things well did you read [TS]

  that are that there was an editorial in [TS]

  the [TS]

  to have one of the newspapers i'm not [TS]

  going to say was the new york times it [TS]

  was probably i don't know one of those [TS]

  there's only three newspapers anymore [TS]

  mm you got a new at that new york times [TS]

  the Atlantic and the other one [TS]

  yeah the New York Times The Washington [TS]

  Times great newspaper at that sounds [TS]

  like one of those made-up papers was [TS]

  really just a blog the washington times [TS]

  it was for many years owned by some [TS]

  young moon [TS]

  oh right right who bought a newspaper [TS]

  and and you know try to establish it as [TS]

  a serious journalistic enterprise that [TS]

  just happened to also be a mouthpiece [TS]

  now that church of unification is not [TS]

  yeah the Church of a vm Unification [TS]

  Church I guess I but this editorial was [TS]

  a review somewhat a review of george [TS]

  herbert walker bush's new autobiography [TS]

  yes not great timing for junior not [TS]

  great timing for junior where the the [TS]

  the Potter George sorry national junior [TS]

  I should see what would he betray what [TS]

  we called Jeb like his job is yeah [TS]

  anyway John John John Walker Bush yeah [TS]

  but Bush Senior like rips bush like the [TS]

  George Walker Bush g-dub who ripped him [TS]

  a new one says what we've all been [TS]

  thinking like why did you seed so much [TS]

  power to cheney he's a madman Rumsfeld [TS]

  is how could she not [TS]

  how could you be in the room with Donald [TS]

  Rumsfeld and be comfortable with that [TS]

  yeah right right well and the thing is I [TS]

  mean Rumsfeld and and george herbert [TS]

  walker bush had decades of history [TS]

  together they ran against each other for [TS]

  the Republican presidential primary and [TS]

  what's 80-71 she'll run for president [TS]

  well he was considered a real comer like [TS]

  he'd been part of the Nixon White House [TS]

  he was he [TS]

  Rumsfeld Rumsfeld believes i think this [TS]

  is part of rum sold problems Feld's [TS]

  problem and part of the reason that he [TS]

  belongs in the bottom of the salt mine [TS]

  is that he believes that he should have [TS]

  been president he thinks of himself that [TS]

  way and there's enough history he has [TS]

  enough he has actually a claim to [TS]

  believe that that was plausible [TS]

  impossible [TS]

  ok was the young upstart and he oh he [TS]

  went after george herbert walker bush in [TS]

  the seventies really denigrating him and [TS]

  so those two guys and that's when he was [TS]

  in the CIA [TS]

  well when I think he went after him even [TS]

  before he got a point into the CIA but [TS]

  like there was a lot of rivalry and [TS]

  there's a sheet which I'm sorry shitty [TS]

  to each other most of that shit coming [TS]

  from Rumsfeld who was the he's very [TS]

  Trump like Rumsfeld he is but he also I [TS]

  remember like I would I would watch him [TS]

  speak and I would always think even is [TS]

  in his famous known and unknown the one [TS]

  mostafa skating paragraphs in english [TS]

  language history but you really [TS]

  appreciate the one hand the guy is super [TS]

  articulate and on message whether or not [TS]

  you agree with him he's great staying on [TS]

  message and he really has that vibe he [TS]

  looks like a composite drawing of like a [TS]

  bunch of successful powerful people he [TS]

  looks like like if it's like Teddy [TS]

  Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson had a love [TS]

  baby and he just has that like dad or [TS]

  grandpa [TS]

  viper-like even if you think what he's [TS]

  saying is bullshit he seems really he's [TS]

  really committed and smart [TS]

  yeah which is a dangerous thing for men [TS]

  like him I always felt like his his back [TS]

  teeth were all made of wood [TS]

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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  supporting Roderick online writing they [TS]

  were held together with like like bands [TS]

  of tithing and maybe maybe that annoy [TS]

  him a little bit me I like that he was [TS]

  in his mouth all the time [TS]

  softwood back there yeah so so the bush [TS]

  senior is saying all this stuff in his [TS]

  autobiography and somebody goes to Bush [TS]

  jr. for comment and both juniors like [TS]

  well he never said any of that in the [TS]

  eight years that I was president or the [TS]

  two years i was running for president [TS]

  beforehand never mentioned it before and [TS]

  I disagree with him i was the president [TS]

  I was the decider [TS]

  I didn't Cheney didn't get to do just [TS]

  what he wanted [TS]

  I was the boss who you know meanwhile [TS]

  Cheney's like got a seven sided [TS]

  lighthouse made of dreams [TS]

  that's surrounded by machine-gun nests [TS]

  and the wooden you cannot write a [TS]

  creepier supervillain any oh my god I [TS]

  remember when he had the Naval [TS]

  Observatory available inventory taking [TS]

  off google maps Yeah Yeah blurred out [TS]

  yeah because yeah god forbid that they [TS]

  would we would see his hedges or [TS]

  something with that he didn't understand [TS]

  how it worked right is where his [TS]

  man-sized safe google earth takes a [TS]

  picture every six months and puts it up [TS]

  there huh [TS]

  and he thinks that you know they're [TS]

  gonna catch him in the gardener's [TS]

  uh-huh wearing flip-flops or something [TS]

  but and I think the this article that I [TS]

  read was written by marie no doubt who's [TS]

  obviously like been a great critic a [TS]

  great media critic for many years but [TS]

  she was like this wasp family has didn't [TS]

  talk about this stuff at Christmas like [TS]

  your your father was president [TS]

  your son is president now and you're not [TS]

  going to bring up the fact that that you [TS]

  hate you think that these people are our [TS]

  bad choice like you both the father and [TS]

  the son went to war with the same [TS]

  middle-eastern dictator and made never [TS]

  discussed it right and and and that is [TS]

  like such a distinctively wasp a [TS]

  methodology right that just like [TS]

  Christmas can be stressful Christmas [TS]

  you're absolutely right [TS]

  you know sometimes you just want to play [TS]

  uno or watched you know the price is [TS]

  right because there are things there are [TS]

  so many elephants in the room that you [TS]

  really need a card game to keep it all [TS]

  straight [TS]

  it's true it's just that it it really [TS]

  really drove home really put an [TS]

  exclamation point on the fact that the [TS]

  Bush family should never have been in [TS]

  power in America they are bad people and [TS]

  it was a bad top it was a bad decision [TS]

  that we made repeatedly for reasons I [TS]

  cannot and I don't think history will [TS]

  ever be able to fully explain but like [TS]

  unsuited to rule x by any measure except [TS]

  that they are aristocratic and George [TS]

  Herbert George what Herbert Walker Bush [TS]

  at least was like patriarchal in the old [TS]

  mode so he had a sense of this is 41 [TS]

  yeah he had a sense of honor and duty [TS]

  and wasn't going to say a bad thing [TS]

  about a woman and wasn't gonna you know [TS]

  wouldn't i wouldn't do a stock deal [TS]

  where the SEC didn't sign off on it at [TS]

  least you know but then his son was just [TS]

  a like a brat and a and a shit just a [TS]

  shit there's no other way you can [TS]

  describe George Walker Bush GW Bush then [TS]

  that he's a shit he's just a shit and he [TS]

  was president for eight years and it's [TS]

  insane [TS]

  it still is insane I'm so I am talking [TS]

  with my teeth bared right down here and [TS]

  tell you so committed I am so mad that [TS]

  he was ever president and this is a non [TS]

  partisan issue it is not that he is a [TS]

  conservative Republican because I don't [TS]

  even think he is one [TS]

  well it's basically it's one thing to be [TS]

  crap it's one thing to say I didn't [TS]

  enjoy the roast beef tonight and it's [TS]

  another thing to say like I'm pretty [TS]

  sure they deliberately tried to poison [TS]

  us and like this there's this [TS]

  conversation like from the time Obama [TS]

  came in there's been this this feeling [TS]

  of like let's not rock the boat but it [TS]

  is kind of strange that there has not [TS]

  been quite the public explosion of [TS]

  outrage over what a shitshow that whole [TS]

  thing [TS]

  oh my god i want these people held [TS]

  accountable I want them to go into a [TS]

  shipping container in the desert that I [TS]

  have constructed and I want to feed them [TS]

  that's right you had a whole idea for [TS]

  jenny didn't want to feed them [TS]

  psychedelic drugs in an environment [TS]

  where i can control Nassau type [TS]

  situation a long-term long con long [TS]

  mindfuck in mind for I forgot about this [TS]

  he did that was your whole idea for the [TS]

  former vice president I still dream of [TS]

  it and the thing is I don't want I want [TS]

  to extend the franchise all the way to [TS]

  lawrence eagle burger [TS]

  mmm i want them all i want them all go I [TS]

  want every neocon and I was just out the [TS]

  thing is it is a long time i will take [TS]

  them over the course of months and years [TS]

  for the gas lighting to really work it's [TS]

  gonna it's gonna have to be a very very [TS]

  very long time it's not something we're [TS]

  gonna full ad by turn the lights off [TS]

  sometimes we're talking about you're [TS]

  talking about like maybe you get him a [TS]

  little healthy get him get him on a diet [TS]

  game using a treadmill but like you just [TS]

  a little bit my fucking time over like [TS]

  to 35 years [TS]

  the problem is that this challenge the [TS]

  challenge for me like I feel like Lauren [TS]

  seagull burger will be easy to grab [TS]

  like you just say you know you're gonna [TS]

  get a knock on the door my friend hit [TS]

  the University of New Hampshire is [TS]

  offering $15,000 to talk about a riad [TS]

  like the politics current politics in [TS]

  Riyadh will you come in lawrenceville [TS]

  brother be like absolutely and then he [TS]

  just shows up and he opens the door to [TS]

  the conference room and there's nobody [TS]

  there and then somebody put a bag over [TS]

  his head and all of us up please stop [TS]

  really means in a shipping container in [TS]

  the desert truly truly extraordinary [TS]

  rendition but Cheney has already thought [TS]

  of that right [TS]

  Cheney has always he's already prepared [TS]

  he knows no one's ever gonna put a bag [TS]

  over Cheney's head because he's fuckin [TS]

  penguin right is he's thought of that [TS]

  already and Rumsfeld to write they both [TS]

  they they check their six they've got a [TS]

  man station that they're six so how the [TS]

  fuck do you get these guys it in the [TS]

  thing is you know there's this there's [TS]

  the fight club thing where they go to [TS]

  the bathroom there at a Rotary Club [TS]

  meeting or whatever they go to the [TS]

  bathroom and then all of a sudden Brad [TS]

  Pitt is there and they threaten to cut [TS]

  off his balls but that's not going to [TS]

  work for these guys either the bathroom [TS]

  is secured before they go in [TS]

  so what do you do what do you do there's [TS]

  wood Cheney I feel like he's out he's [TS]

  doing he's like--he's fly fishing right [TS]

  he's fly fishing at the at the Tony [TS]

  Stark heart he be alive at this place he [TS]

  and Scalia are like wearing hip waders [TS]

  and they're in some Montana stream this [TS]

  the hills are seeing shooting immigrants [TS]

  for skeet [TS]

  Oh are we here the hills are full of [TS]

  snipers right because Scalia and cheney [TS]

  aren't going to go just take a truck out [TS]

  and find a river right it's going to be [TS]

  so it's going to be completely [TS]

  parameterize do but I've been waiting in [TS]

  the river on here right for weeks your [TS]

  black ops everywhere every summer I just [TS]

  pick a different River I just [TS]

  get my snorkel gear on him in the river [TS]

  on utility like a reed with a lily pad [TS]

  that's exactly right until that year [TS]

  when they picked the wrong river i might [TS]

  be misremembering this but I I feel like [TS]

  in the last days of the what would that [TS]

  be 1992 campaign I it got really really [TS]

  ugly because I think I feel like I [TS]

  remember it started to really look like [TS]

  Clinton had a lock on it and do you [TS]

  remember what I george HW bush like [TS]

  remember how he got because he had [TS]

  always been I you know see what about [TS]

  the guy get the feeling he's probably a [TS]

  gentleman like you would meet george HW [TS]

  bush and babies i bet he's a super [TS]

  smarter than he seems [TS]

  I bet he's not as but like a lot of [TS]

  people were president like they're like [TS]

  really good people people but like you [TS]

  need to like a whistle-stop train thing [TS]

  where he was he was just a public dick [TS]

  for like three weeks before the campaign [TS]

  before the election but you and the [TS]

  thing is it was like you could watch him [TS]

  and it was it was almost like a faceoff [TS]

  where Nicholas Cage is supposed to be [TS]

  John Travolta you can see and when I [TS]

  gotta kill people and act like a dick [TS]

  are this is really hard to do you can [TS]

  see like he's like you went to Yale ease [TS]

  and gentlemen like he does not want to [TS]

  be behaving this way but i'm sure all [TS]

  these handlers were saying look man you [TS]

  got to take off the gloves or you're [TS]

  gonna have to move out [TS]

  mm-hmm it was hard to watch I felt I I [TS]

  felt bad for the guy even as I was like [TS]

  disgusted by it [TS]

  well so i ran for very off-brand my [TS]

  uncle went to college with Poppy Bush [TS]

  they were in college at the same time [TS]

  and the new one another [TS]

  this is yell yeah and you know my uncle [TS]

  was tapped for skull and bones and said [TS]

  no oh boy and not to not to out uncle [TS]

  jack but he did not like poppy bush in [TS]

  college for all the reasons that we [TS]

  don't like him now he was a snob [TS]

  he was a prick [TS]

  and it was exactly the preppy a like [TS]

  class-conscious rich kid that you would [TS]

  imagine accept this was 1948 well so [TS]

  wait now wasn't he used in World War two [TS]

  so I went to college GI Bill he went [TS]

  after yeah right they all did [TS]

  ok that particular generate probably [TS]

  didn't need the GI bill didn't need the [TS]

  GI Bill he was going to yell anyway but [TS]

  you know and this was and when I think [TS]

  back to that particular time [TS]

  4648 you know that class of 50 let's say [TS]

  there were some people in that class who [TS]

  had just turned 18 and we're going to [TS]

  college and the war was over and then [TS]

  there were other people in that class [TS]

  who were 24 years old had become a cat [TS]

  you know like a like a first lieutenant [TS]

  in the Navy and had just had won the [TS]

  Distinguished Flying Cross and been shot [TS]

  down over to record or Corregidor sorry [TS]

  to record or that's a kind of spice that [TS]

  you put in your not rank rookie mistake [TS]

  corregidor and uh and so you're sitting [TS]

  in class and that guy's a freshman too [TS]

  he is wearing you know he he he [TS]

  the the French government gave him the [TS]

  legion of honor but he's like taking the [TS]

  same freshman philosophy classes you who [TS]

  just graduated from high school that had [TS]

  to be a crazy time [TS]

  mhm that had to be a weird time to [TS]

  pledge a fraternity right like well [TS]

  let's see we could take you or we could [TS]

  take this guy that the president of [TS]

  Delta Kappa Epsilon graduated as a [TS]

  member of phi beta kappa 1948 with be a [TS]

  BA in economics phi beta kappa so that's [TS]

  it so he was you know he got good grades [TS]

  he was on an accelerated program to [TS]

  graduate in two and a half years rather [TS]

  than four but as you know the rich [TS]

  people can pay for anything they can pay [TS]

  linkage on phi beta kappa or make a lot [TS]

  of friends this week [TS]

  you know your professors not going to [TS]

  give you a bad grade if you're if you're [TS]

  you know if your pad in their nest [TS]

  everybody's on the take em at Yale I can [TS]

  break you think so [TS]

  oh yeah that's not a miracle is a [TS]

  corrupt organization library by their [TS]

  very nature the Ivy League's allow you [TS]

  know they let in that certain like [TS]

  fifteen percent of just legacy kids and [TS]

  that should focus just buy him in the [TS]

  thing is that that's true i think of [TS]

  most colleges [TS]

  yeah you know and so if you haven't I [TS]

  think our bodies win [TS]

  no no I mean I I try to imagine hodgman [TS]

  and Colton at their respective high [TS]

  schools uh huh and now they were both [TS]

  they were both nerds they got good [TS]

  grades [TS]

  uh-huh Colton is a legacy his father [TS]

  went to Yale and his grandfather I [TS]

  didn't know that but he also grew up in [TS]

  a really weird small small Connecticut [TS]

  town where with a high school graduating [TS]

  class of like 40 or something and so in [TS]

  a situation like that like i was talking [TS]

  to argument about this the other day [TS]

  he's like the problem is if your kids [TS]

  want to go to an Ivy League school and [TS]

  they live in New York you can pretty [TS]

  much say forget it [TS]

  unless you're rich because those schools [TS]

  fill the fill those slots based on a [TS]

  kind of you know we need one [TS]

  we need one Athabascan and we need [TS]

  somebody from New Mexico and we have [TS]

  17,000 applications from park slope [TS]

  brooklyn and so it's the brooklyn people [TS]

  that aren't going to have a chance at if [TS]

  you are from a small town somewhere if [TS]

  you're the only the only person in your [TS]

  high school class you have a much better [TS]

  chance because you'll fulfill their you [TS]

  know their demographic spread so i think [TS]

  i think both those guys you know earned [TS]

  that but how do you you know how do you [TS]

  know really when I when I wanted to go [TS]

  to Yale which I desperately [TS]

  did desperately did that the school you [TS]

  most want to go to it was the only [TS]

  college that I wanted to go to and when [TS]

  i graduated from high school I had not [TS]

  applied to any colleges because the only [TS]

  college I wanted to go to Yale and I [TS]

  knew I couldn't get in so why would I [TS]

  was going to go to the University of [TS]

  Pennsylvania forget about its safety [TS]

  school but no I was gonna go to [TS]

  Middlebury around everywhere and just [TS]

  fucking play What's Wrong around i'm not [TS]

  i'm not a safety school guy i'm not [TS]

  gonna go to rutgers hear it for great [TS]

  things [TS]

  yeah I settle for second best so [TS]

  everybody knew you're going places John [TS]

  not everybody not to say that you know [TS]

  you didn't graduate literally last in [TS]

  your class in high school but you know [TS]

  you might be one of those uh you know [TS]

  what three to five percent let's just [TS]

  give the kid a chance we'll bring them [TS]

  into Yale this is the thing i thought [TS]

  what when you're you really want a [TS]

  demographic spread ya got everything [TS]

  lined up every once in awhile auto pick [TS]

  a guy that not only graduated last in [TS]

  his class but also didn't apply [TS]

  yeah oh that's lighter school right you [TS]

  didn't come to give you the tap this [TS]

  yeah come on over this way that's your [TS]

  demographic spread I mean it's like it's [TS]

  like when I when I got involved here in [TS]

  local politics recently you might have [TS]

  heard of it [TS]

  how that go you know it was it was a [TS]

  learning experience learning space and [TS]

  one of the things that I learned was [TS]

  people of people from a great wide swath [TS]

  of like that the great demographic swath [TS]

  if they're if they're all lawyers [TS]

  they're all they all think like a lawyer [TS]

  first [TS]

  like if you go to law school and become [TS]

  a lawyer in our successful lawyer you [TS]

  think like a lawyer before you think [TS]

  like anything else and so you can fill a [TS]

  room full of lawyers from around the [TS]

  world but you're just really going to [TS]

  have one type of person which is lawyer [TS]

  and so you you know when you're looking [TS]

  at a at us at at a spread of ideas or [TS]

  like true sort of interesting like bell [TS]

  curve of people you should be looking [TS]

  out out at the fringes in three [TS]

  dimensions but yelled and yelled just [TS]

  wasn't wise enough maybe [TS]

  they didn't have the resources just to [TS]

  scour every high school maybe it was a [TS]

  rebuilding year I know maybe you know [TS]

  what maybe maybe they just were not on [TS]

  their game and you know bad on them [TS]

  yeah they let me to not to not know that [TS]

  you were out there should be there [TS]

  whether you knew it or they know it or [TS]

  not well and you know what here I blame [TS]

  my uncle Jack because he's the fucking [TS]

  Yale legacy his his daughters went to [TS]

  Yale both my cousins they all looking [TS]

  out for themselves looking out for each [TS]

  other [TS]

  typical but when it was time for Uncle [TS]

  Jack to call up the local Yale [TS]

  representative whom I knew it was a [TS]

  shepherd elys dad Bobby Lee was the gale [TS]

  guy who interviewed the kids in [TS]

  Anchorage who were going to Yale Bob [TS]

  fucking ely Bobby Lee who incidentally [TS]

  got in trouble with the SEC himself [TS]

  later but that's it prevents difference [TS]

  to him Bobby Lee but the thing is they [TS]

  were all contemptuously even my own [TS]

  people [TS]

  none of them understood me Bobby Lee [TS]

  especially wooden test [TS]

  sheffer Shepherd went to the fucking [TS]

  international school in Switzerland [TS]

  because he couldn't even get into a [TS]

  fucking american college but then he [TS]

  went to university of vermont later [TS]

  another safety school [TS]

  yeah so I feel like everybody let me [TS]

  down my whole plan let me down now what [TS]

  a disappointment John yeah I think he [TS]

  find your heart to forgive everyone for [TS]

  obviously not i'm now I'm trying with my [TS]

  teeth bared are so committed [TS]

  I'm sure Uncle Jack and Bobby Lee SAT [TS]

  around and they were like are there any [TS]

  kids and in Anchorage that should that [TS]

  just should go to Yale and they looked [TS]

  at each other and they knew but didn't [TS]

  even need to be said [TS]

  yeah and then they were then check the [TS]

  box know em now what about your dad [TS]

  what was his feeling on this is he [TS]

  always knew you were destined for great [TS]

  things right [TS]

  yeah well so my dad was up to mines like [TS]

  like his son right always of two minds [TS]

  and one of them was there's nothing he [TS]

  hated worse than a preppy snob [TS]

  son-of-a-bitch your dad was always a man [TS]

  of the people he was standing there in [TS]

  in the trenches with the unions he was [TS]

  always pulling for the little guy that's [TS]

  right and he didn't like a preppy snob [TS]

  son-of-a-bitch [TS]

  he always told the story he was down in [TS]

  Palm Springs [TS]

  at a party and George where hauser was [TS]

  there and the you know the bones were [TS]

  there and that it was all the old guard [TS]

  and stand around cocktail party somebody [TS]

  walks over and goes hey David nice to [TS]

  see how the Communist Party I'm I told [TS]

  that story before I think so i hear it [TS]

  again [TS]

  yeah it's a great story hows it how's it [TS]

  going how's the Communist Party David [TS]

  all man he was mad he was mad because [TS]

  you know little reductive a little bit [TS]

  of this little bit of a slur so so dad [TS]

  didn't like a preppy son-of-a-bitch but [TS]

  the best way to deal with them is to get [TS]

  into their club and then not be one of [TS]

  them move to get tapped for skull and [TS]

  bones and not do it and say no say no [TS]

  because you're not a ceiling effect that [TS]

  kind of change you got to get inside you [TS]

  get to the server and cracked the [TS]

  encryption that's right so you know so [TS]

  dad obviously wanted wanted me to but [TS]

  but but that this is the thing they all [TS]

  wanted me to get in there on on merit [TS]

  and say things a little on the nose [TS]

  well and they just have such a narrow [TS]

  definition of Merit to grades [TS]

  yeah tests great havior you know and and [TS]

  not looking at the bigger picture which [TS]

  is like light in the eyes which is [TS]

  fucking rainbow double rates of triple [TS]

  rainbow triple rainbow eyes and and [TS]

  again this gets us back to the problem [TS]

  it's like the gamer back to the problem [TS]

  with you being a retired general or [TS]

  retired director of the CIA [TS]

  it's like they don't need another foot [TS]

  soldier they need somebody to reform the [TS]

  organization from the inside out in the [TS]

  top down and in really in every [TS]

  conceivable direction you have the [TS]

  vision for that they don't they don't [TS]

  need another person sitting there like [TS]

  spying on somebody in east germany they [TS]

  need somebody setting everybody straight [TS]

  so this is something I look I realized [TS]

  last night because I went to this new [TS]

  James Bond movie [TS]

  oh dear and you know the nadir of James [TS]

  Bond movies was Skyfall what the fuck [TS]

  are you saying [TS]

  worst James Bond movie by far even be [TS]

  thinking I think we have a bad [TS]

  connection even the worst Roger Moore [TS]

  even George Scott even the Georgia [TS]

  laughing me you're so fucking high sky [TS]

  falls great know it's awful it's too [TS]

  it's truly terrible against the hoping [TS]

  it's an abortion but we take his teeth [TS]

  out i was very freaky doesn't belong in [TS]

  a James Bond movie right [TS]

  in any case so i go to the new one and [TS]

  I'm like alright Skyfall was the bottom [TS]

  and now this can't be worse so it has to [TS]

  either be like on a plane with it or up [TS]

  or an improvement but i'm going to go [TS]

  into this assuming this is going to be [TS]

  terrible and then the movie unfolds and [TS]

  it is better than Skyfall yeah but still [TS]

  like just just dull i mean i'm in a [TS]

  James Bond movie and I'm i'm looking at [TS]

  my watch it was good you know what that [TS]

  now because just like really you guys [TS]

  and then I realized what my one of my [TS]

  colleagues are ready for this yeah this [TS]

  is just this was like a fucking bell [TS]

  going off and you have a lot of time to [TS]

  think about your future but because i'm [TS]

  sitting in a movie and I'm like what am [TS]

  I going to think about clearly not the [TS]

  plot of this movie and then I realized I [TS]

  am I was put on this planet to be a [TS]

  script doctor for action movies [TS]

  see I don't want to script doctor a [TS]

  comedy because when I want a comedy when [TS]

  a good comedy movie i can i can sit in a [TS]

  movie that's a bad comedy and go oh my [TS]

  god this was fucking terrible hard to [TS]

  fix the comedy if it doesn't have good [TS]

  those yeah exactly and but the end and [TS]

  the difference is when a good comedy is [TS]

  happening you know you're watching a [TS]

  movie you don't even notice and I'm just [TS]

  swept up just like anybody I'm I'm i [TS]

  can't believe it's happening either you [TS]

  know I don't see where the the seams are [TS]

  I go oh my god this is fucking fantastic [TS]

  did you see that movie Spy yeah watch [TS]

  the first half of it [TS]

  yeah I've heard it gets better as you [TS]

  watching it it doesn't get better i love [TS]

  that lady and she she made better [TS]

  choices I think she's one McCarthy is [TS]

  one of the comic geniuses alright i'm [TS]

  melissa mccarthy just skills that movie [TS]

  she's hilarious throughout the thing and [TS]

  I walked into that with my nose already [TS]

  crinkled up like I was [TS]

  she isn't entirely accurate little it's [TS]

  a little bit like will ferrell or or uh [TS]

  Eric Wareheim were like there are [TS]

  certain people who are just fucking [TS]

  funny like Eric Wareheim in that aziz [TS]

  ansari show like just just when he's on [TS]

  screen just went to show his face I [TS]

  start laughing welfare I just start [TS]

  laughing look are they just started [TS]

  because they're just basically funny [TS]

  they have an energy certain people have [TS]

  an energy that they can make even the [TS]

  shittiest thing super funny just by [TS]

  standing there [TS]

  yeah and I'm not diminish her that's not [TS]

  to diminish our talents which are many [TS]

  but she is just basically funny so I [TS]

  hope she chooses things that are worthy [TS]

  of her funniness yeah well you know [TS]

  that's the problem with funny like John [TS]

  Belushi he made a lot of terrible movies [TS]

  1941 did you see that the wedding movie [TS]

  with the kristen wiig just here in that [TS]

  with all your eyes minutes [TS]

  yeah i did see if I was utterly utterly [TS]

  unprepared for how funny that movie was [TS]

  very funny movie [TS]

  it's got its got it's funny all through [TS]

  but it's got and she keeps that thing [TS]

  running but there are 45 legitimately [TS]

  over-the-top set pieces that I think are [TS]

  pretty classic yeah right that's why I [TS]

  but I just got that pretty boy in it [TS]

  right it's got that as a good law [TS]

  the thing is everytime that there's a [TS]

  dude on screen in that movie that the [TS]

  air goes out of the room [TS]

  yeah they put a bunch of they put a [TS]

  bunch of dudes in there too like [TS]

  alligators rose byrne in that too [TS]

  no no the pretty pretty fancy lady from [TS]

  from you know she's going to get married [TS]

  in the ones are Carol yeah she is yeah [TS]

  she's more McTaggart in the x-men movies [TS]

  that right i know it doesn't help and [TS]

  also I you know I realized a long time [TS]

  ago I don't know the names of actors [TS]

  because i don't care about their lives [TS]

  ok says spy oh so anyway not spy because [TS]

  by was a good movie and the thing is [TS]

  what was good about it I understood and [TS]

  appreciated but i could not have done [TS]

  right I couldn't have gone in there were [TS]

  parts of spyware the script where it [TS]

  felt like the script was being written [TS]

  by a committee and one of the people on [TS]

  the committee was hilarious you can [TS]

  really sniff out the doctoring sometimes [TS]

  because you'll be hilarious little jokes [TS]

  and missed and not very funny plot and [TS]

  not very funny execution and you can [TS]

  feel like oh this thing got dr. by [TS]

  Patton Oswalt probably help with this or [TS]

  something right [TS]

  well I'm like third thing is thirty [TS]

  percent thirty-five percent of the movie [TS]

  Spy is hilarious [TS]

  it's just that then sixty-five percent [TS]

  of the time the joke gets set up and [TS]

  then doesn't land and it's not that the [TS]

  actors aren't landing it is that it is a [TS]

  badly executed badly written joke huh [TS]

  and you go if you can do thirty-five [TS]

  percent of them so well why didn't you [TS]

  just let that person right the whole [TS]

  fucking movie but but that is not my [TS]

  that is not my calling so there's [TS]

  there's something different about the [TS]

  action movie genre or an action movie [TS]

  doctor could come in and you are you [TS]

  assuming good bones [TS]

  well so every james bond movie has as [TS]

  its edits premise right i mean the basic [TS]

  foundation of James Bond is our good [TS]

  bones [TS]

  here's this here's the spy and he's then [TS]

  there's a bad guy [TS]

  it's just sort of you know it's like you [TS]

  can start a James Bond script and read [TS]

  it through and there's always going to [TS]

  be good stuff in it there's always an [TS]

  opening action sequence that in the old [TS]

  days kind of wasn't even related to the [TS]

  film it's like the opening sequence was [TS]

  it just to remind you that James Bond is [TS]

  incredibly is an incredibly gifted [TS]

  badass [TS]

  yeah right and this is just ski off of [TS]

  stuff we can there's lots of underwater [TS]

  lot of shooting sharks and stuff right [TS]

  and it was always be it was released the [TS]

  classic James Bond movies of my [TS]

  childhood the opening of the film the [TS]

  cold open [TS]

  who was the end of his last mission [TS]

  before he begins the new mission right [TS]

  and so it's it can be a great little [TS]

  three-and-a-half minute long adventure [TS]

  movie kind of like that wonderful scene [TS]

  at the beginning of inglourious basterds [TS]

  right was set up in with the that's the [TS]

  one where they're hiding under the floor [TS]

  oh my god i love that movie right [TS]

  oh my god that scene i've seen that [TS]

  movie probably four times and I still I [TS]

  still find that scene incredibly [TS]

  riveting it's it's hot it's horrible [TS]

  it's hot so good stuff was so nice any [TS]

  other french guy so perfect so perfect [TS]

  because they don't overdo the whole like [TS]

  okay now let's show the people scared [TS]

  under there under the floor they just [TS]

  ignore them [TS]

  no there there the whole time you're [TS]

  just like was gonna was gonna discover [TS]

  is always getting let you know that he [TS]

  knows it and the rest of the movie [TS]

  doesn't live up to it right now it's [TS]

  definitely got moments though it does it [TS]

  does for sure but I final there's [TS]

  something about the horrible horrific [TS]

  mass of that final frame that I did this [TS]

  despite myself I'm like yes it's so [TS]

  awful i cannot i was rolling my eyes so [TS]

  hard at that point that you could hear [TS]

  my eyes rolling in the back of the [TS]

  theater it sounded like bowling balls [TS]

  my eyes were rolling so hard anyway wi [TS]

  right but you're talking about like [TS]

  they're the setup it's yeah this is this [TS]

  is a classic trope in I think bond made [TS]

  this a thing but now you start off your [TS]

  actually maybe something immediately [TS]

  grabs you [TS]

  it might be a non sequitur Batman you [TS]

  take the dark knight starts out the [TS]

  heist at the beginning although I mean [TS]

  that's an example of like the nonce the [TS]

  great non-sequitur but it also relates [TS]

  to the rest of the movie right it's the [TS]

  you're establishing this new character [TS]

  absolutely umm so so there are all these [TS]

  things that you can do in the James Bond [TS]

  movie where it's like there's that and [TS]

  then there's he's gotta go to Rome and [TS]

  he's gotta go to somewhere it's got to [TS]

  get his gadgets like Harry Potter it's [TS]

  kind of the same each time you gotta get [TS]

  ready for school in this case you gotta [TS]

  go he's got to meet with him he's got to [TS]

  have a visit with q1 stuff in the [TS]

  background [TS]

  yep there's got to be a gadget a car [TS]

  somebody's got to say James you can't do [TS]

  this you are James you're on suspension [TS]

  and then he goes barb gravel all and [TS]

  then he's like somehow has access to [TS]

  unlimited funds is also a woman who died [TS]

  a woman has to die yeah and there's [TS]

  gotta be you know there's gonna be sexy [TS]

  times your master sure yeah so so yeah [TS]

  the bones are always there [TS]

  the question is how do you flush that [TS]

  out and the and what's great about [TS]

  casino royale is that it's all flushed [TS]

  out exactly the way you want it right [TS]

  the and it's gritty it's it they [TS]

  successfully made the transition to a [TS]

  gritty yeah James funny the younger like [TS]

  it's supposed to be an especially at the [TS]

  start that's when he started when he's [TS]

  getting his double oh right yeah that's [TS]

  the that it is getting the reboot reboot [TS]

  it's the one where Spock is young and [TS]

  cute and Kurt ok using the app wall [TS]

  during Kobayashi Maru right got it [TS]

  so uh so but but so i'm watching this [TS]

  film and i'm just sitting in there i'm [TS]

  just taking off like you know what all [TS]

  you need to do to make that scene work [TS]

  was this and you didn't do this i cannot [TS]

  even fathom how you didn't it's staring [TS]

  you in the face and to choose anything [TS]

  else but to do this is to miss the [TS]

  entire game like tip is to not is to [TS]

  fundamentally not understand how James [TS]

  Bond movies work and who are there were [TS]

  800 people involved in the production of [TS]

  this film and no one in a position of [TS]

  authority could stand up and say hey [TS]

  what if we just did the most obvious [TS]

  thing right now which would improve the [TS]

  movie and like and it does it wouldn't [TS]

  even it's not expensive [TS]

  it wouldn't even it's just it's like a [TS]

  lot actually got like a plot point just [TS]

  a tiny little it's not even a it's not [TS]

  if they're there are some plot points [TS]

  where you go [TS]

  we got all the way here we've spent [TS]

  we've spent 80 million dollars are [TS]

  hundred million dollars making this [TS]

  movie 245 million we spent 245 million [TS]

  dollars making this movie and the entire [TS]

  film hinges on a moment where James with [TS]

  his pistol shoots at 200 yards an [TS]

  inexplicable valve that is connected to [TS]

  an oil refinery its most of a football [TS]

  field in length with his with his pistol [TS]

  with his pistol and as it's pretty good [TS]

  shot and hits like a hits of a valve [TS]

  which there is no explanation for the [TS]

  existence of em of which there is no [TS]

  explanation [TS]

  vana existence right like and so then [TS]

  all of a sudden there's a scene that's [TS]

  like taken directly out of a out of Road [TS]

  Warrior 2 [TS]

  let's call it we're just like why is [TS]

  this happening there is no this was [TS]

  supposed to be a solar bids it is in the [TS]

  two seconds before it is revealed to be [TS]

  a solar-powered facility [TS]

  as they're walking across the facility [TS]

  it is revealed to be solar-powered [TS]

  uh-huh and that is supposed to [TS]

  communicate to us that it is technology [TS]

  that's tech techno town but then right [TS]

  in the center there's a valve on a pipe [TS]

  which shooting it once causes the entire [TS]

  facility to explode into an oil fire [TS]

  oh you get the desktop problem come on [TS]

  yeah that's that one vulnerability [TS]

  yeah it's just like its relation to put [TS]

  some kind of a box around that student [TS]

  want brats you look and you talk about [TS]

  that in beggars Canyon thought about it [TS]

  beggars Canyon will use your just [TS]

  nailing watch rather than two meters so [TS]

  what I'm saying is bullshit and you [TS]

  could just [TS]

  it could just be something else you know [TS]

  what I mean it could just be something [TS]

  else it doesn't have to be that we just [TS]

  something else [TS]

  there's a there's a control panel inside [TS]

  where the solar power do you turn the [TS]

  knob and the solar power goes out of [TS]

  control because solar power and you [TS]

  don't mess with that stuff [TS]

  no it redirects the sun's rays into some [TS]

  kind of collector that overheats and [TS]

  that it causes it to explode just don't [TS]

  fucking bullshit me with the shooter [TS]

  valve so there's 40 moments like that in [TS]

  the film we just go all you needed was a [TS]

  script doctor to just go through this [TS]

  with the comb that's it so see looking [TS]

  definitely admit then that scaffold [TS]

  definitely better movie Skyfall had so [TS]

  much of this in it [TS]

  we're just like wrong wrong wrong wrong [TS]

  that the the villain could be the [TS]

  villains great i mean i love the actor [TS]

  love him and the whole like but the [TS]

  entire film and all this guy's like it [TS]

  was all a trap all along that it wasn't [TS]

  all thought he wanted to cut it was all [TS]

  because he was mad that he was all he's [TS]

  mad at em because she was the mom that [TS]

  she was a bad mom em like no no no let [TS]

  him she let him die have a better [TS]

  fucking idea at the center of the movie [TS]

  it wouldn't even take that much you just [TS]

  sit and think about it for another two [TS]

  minutes [TS]

  it's not that he's mad at em he's mad at [TS]

  em it's you know he's mad at something [TS]

  sure he's a villain [TS]

  mm but he's not destroying the world [TS]

  cuz he's mad at his mom like that's his [TS]

  matter is not even mom is making his mom [TS]

  his mom you know [TS]

  no no it's gotta be he's got to be even [TS]

  he's got to either be crazier than he is [TS]

  to justify that or there or the crime [TS]

  has to be worse don't you like there [TS]

  were rats in a barrel speech that's [TS]

  great [TS]

  it's nice and whatever the mercury [TS]

  poisoning i mean there's a lot of good [TS]

  stuff in that and there is with cyanide [TS]

  John whatever anderson and then but this [TS]

  that we're home erotic thing or James [TS]

  Bond the charity is coming up he's got [TS]

  his mainframe is going and you didn't [TS]

  like that [TS]

  what about later the shot glasses like [TS]

  that no no i didn't like those because [TS]

  i'm prepared to casino royale where they [TS]

  are literally they are torturing his [TS]

  balls and his balls in a way that that [TS]

  legitimately feels like torture [TS]

  yes every time they whacked him under [TS]

  that chair with that thing I'm a barber [TS]

  they're not just a inconveniencing him [TS]

  with a chair no no they're whacking his [TS]

  balls really really hard literally [TS]

  hanging underneath [TS]

  yeah audience was sitting in a chair [TS]

  with no bottom so that's some fucking [TS]

  hardcore shit [TS]

  well what about the park or at the [TS]

  beginning just like balls smack and come [TS]

  on yes I do like a little balls man [TS]

  literally you know what Merlin what you [TS]

  want to be honest I like a little ball [TS]

  scolding oh this is sure this is your [TS]

  growing as a person when you're scolding [TS]

  I'd like to sculpt the balls rather than [TS]

  wack [TS]

  okay fair enough fair enough I you know [TS]

  what also just a terms of our ongoing [TS]

  continuity you talked about macau a [TS]

  couple weeks ago and I couldn't remember [TS]

  where I knew the name from and now I [TS]

  know what I know the name from is it [TS]

  from a James Bond movie it's from [TS]

  Skyfall the sky for ya [TS]

  time for another scene where they set it [TS]

  up so well so great and it's got the [TS]

  lady in it may enter the gambling and [TS]

  the bend the bag full of money you love [TS]

  bag full of money i do love a bag full [TS]

  of money but then the breath the end of [TS]

  that is just too its just read the guy [TS]

  falls into the pit it's like the doll [TS]

  with the Komodo dragon it doesn't even [TS]

  live up to [TS]

  I mean when you're talking about [TS]

  Octopussy who write when you talk about [TS]

  Moonraker those are some scenes where [TS]

  the bad guy gets his company with [TS]

  Lawrence [TS]

  the alligators that little guy that's [TS]

  what I know that's the one he doesn't [TS]

  sharp [TS]

  sharp [TS]

  tank the that's always a clown jaws [TS]

  falls into the shark tank the child came [TS]

  later the cloud came later that was that [TS]

  was the kind of thing I was gonna think [TS]

  it's not sure how you see the very [TS]

  stones when a casino my boy had a [TS]

  playboy with her and and off longer in [TS]

  it did you into t remember early [TS]

  eighties there wasn't sure do [TS]

  yeah that's right there was a parody [TS]

  Playboy and they only made one issue as [TS]

  far as i know it was a it was a full-on [TS]

  parody of playboy where they had [TS]

  nakedness in it it was that it was the [TS]

  National Lampoon era who and I got ahold [TS]

  of this parody and the centerfold was [TS]

  Princess Diana blue jeans they had [TS]

  superimposed princess diana's head on a [TS]

  naked lady and for me at the kind of [TS]

  thing you sent James Bond out for right [TS]

  at age 12 I was very affected by this [TS]

  but it was a little awkward too because [TS]

  you know Princess Diana she was good she [TS]

  watches can on the wind [TS]

  yeah she's a good girl and you didn't [TS]

  want to yeah you didn't want sure yeah [TS]

  sure you don't want to file her essay [TS]

  that for later when you're when you're [TS]

  older little more broken inside [TS]

  that's that's right at that age I still [TS]

  was pure is that we're going to say the [TS]

  innocence for later so action movie [TS]

  script doctor now 22 there are a lot of [TS]

  guys out there and being gals to [TS]

  presumably who have that job there on [TS]

  the list and people are like how this [TS]

  movie script isn't that good [TS]

  what do we do let's call the script [TS]

  doctor and let's leave the comedy script [TS]

  doctors aside let's find the action [TS]

  movie script doctors but whoever those [TS]

  people are they're doing a fucking [TS]

  terrible job because action movies are [TS]

  by and large terrible they don't have [TS]

  the snap and crackle of this where the [TS]

  script is alive because there's this [TS]

  sense of like we can't make it too smart [TS]

  it's got a its got to be like at the [TS]

  six-year-old boy level here except we're [TS]

  going to show incredible violence and no [TS]

  child should ever witness you don't [TS]

  think about the plot too much and so [TS]

  when you see it when you see an action [TS]

  movie that where the script does crack [TS]

  you're like oh thank you thank you my [TS]

  god thank you [TS]

  yeah and I could do that job and the [TS]

  problem is just like getting into Yale [TS]

  those people are not looking outside of [TS]

  their up there like patrimony asst [TS]

  rolodex it's a kind of it's kind of a [TS]

  sickening professional myopia no one is [TS]

  listening to this podcast and no one [TS]

  none of those people are real or if they [TS]

  are listening to this podcast they're [TS]

  not identifying themselves in its a [TS]

  salty sea air calls interpolation they [TS]

  don't know you're talking about them i'm [TS]

  talking to them you're talking to them [TS]

  specifically and there's somebody else [TS]

  you need a doctor to call the doctor [TS]

  that's right then they're like they're [TS]

  it's probably michael bay is listening [TS]

  to this podcast is like did they just [TS]

  say my name [TS]

  I've been a loyal Roger Kahn listening [TS]

  from the beginning and I've been making [TS]

  transformer movies or whatever and I've [TS]

  been doing a shitty job of it I don't [TS]

  know what to do about it [TS]

  yes i did that Rob Corddry move with the [TS]

  rock I didn't see that I know I know [TS]

  Rob's a good prompted me to the premiere [TS]

  for that was really weird i saw Michael [TS]

  Bay super weird lately [TS]

  yeah lets you talk Michael Bay know he's [TS]

  kind of dolorous he kind of looks like [TS]

  Sam Sheppard means for Hertzog but satyr [TS]

  mm he's got a certain he's got heaviness [TS]

  to him that does sound like a lot of [TS]

  dolor flores I a sam shepard for me will [TS]

  always be chunkier Sam Shepard I'm sorry [TS]

  I misspoke gusta who's the stranger and [TS]

  all the possible [TS]

  yeah he's the one with the mustache [TS]

  economic reason him with impeccable sam [TS]

  rockwell he's going to dances in iron [TS]

  man Sam Rockwell was the one that was [TS]

  alone on the spaceship and has sold [TS]

  himself the spaceship was literally full [TS]

  of himself [TS]

  funny thing yesterday was as you know [TS]

  Sonny's daddy-daughter day I in my [TS]

  ongoing mission to ruin my child I [TS]

  decided to take her to see a phone call [TS]

  the Martian he and we showed up at the [TS]

  theater and that place is usually just [TS]

  dead dead dead like Trotsky on a Sunday [TS]

  morning the theater literally has an [TS]

  idea can decide yeah it's it was it's [TS]

  usually completely dead you can just [TS]

  walk right into theater you walk rate of [TS]

  the concessions whole nine [TS]

  this place was packed to the gills and [TS]

  I'm like what [TS]

  going on you know we already bought her [TS]

  ticket we're kind of already in you know [TS]

  I like bom-bom-bom bom-bom below me keep [TS]

  you update and I won't look it up on the [TS]

  fandango and they have like almost all [TS]

  the theaters like probably half the [TS]

  theaters were showing some version of [TS]

  Spectre mm it was crazy so it's too late [TS]

  to spoiler alert right because anybody [TS]

  that's been listening this far as each [TS]

  piece of shit is either seen it or is [TS]

  like screaming screaming at the dr [TS]

  totally screaming at me and saying why [TS]

  are you telling me this i really go to [TS]

  this movie and I think there's a [TS]

  terrific twist that you haven't revealed [TS]

  yet [TS]

  Oh fantastic oh got all the great west [TS]

  with the turns [TS]

  I didn't see that coming uh-huh what he [TS]

  what my are in there but there are 33 [TS]

  seen the Martian have you seen the [TS]

  Martian did see the Martian oh shit [TS]

  the marshal was fantastic it's looks so [TS]

  I mean setting aside the fact that it's [TS]

  just it's fucking great in every way but [TS]

  that's just the way it looks it feels [TS]

  like a new kind of movie like something [TS]

  about the way i can't quite describe it [TS]

  i don't know what part of the production [TS]

  to design and put my finger on but like [TS]

  it looks it looks different [TS]

  i eat it with a spoon it was the [TS]

  Instagram filter that they chose I think [TS]

  they used rising or something or yeah I [TS]

  gotta get on that the the thing is it [TS]

  looked i might have been like they were [TS]

  doing the high frame rate or something [TS]

  like that but there's something about it [TS]

  anyway [TS]

  don't get dressed for no show that's for [TS]

  another show my only problem with the [TS]

  Martian well here we go [TS]

  science fiction movies your doctor and [TS]

  it was great it was great [TS]

  they should not have cast the talented [TS]

  mr ripley at the stall wall that's crazy [TS]

  talk [TS]

  no no I don't think I did I just picture [TS]

  picture that same exact movie exactly [TS]

  the same movie [TS]

  mhm but with Matthew McConaughey and [TS]

  stars god that's that's who belong there [TS]

  why you gotta ruin your show like that [TS]

  what you gotta do the crazy talk and [TS]

  shouldn't be very pattern [TS]

  you got it you got it Murph there's a [TS]

  pattern of sand and some moving books [TS]

  no I want i'm going to sand the shit out [TS]

  of this I wanted [TS]

  here's the here's the other thing that [TS]

  they can [TS]

  and do they can't open a huge movie like [TS]

  that with an unknown actor at the center [TS]

  well I thought he was terrific i mean [TS]

  you know the thing is in the book [TS]

  there's a lot more know that nerdy math [TS]

  which I'm not a I'm not a mathematician [TS]

  I'm not even an arithmetic petition but [TS]

  i really love that i sent my daughter [TS]

  after like did you notice like how much [TS]

  like arithmetic much math he had to do [TS]

  it was like we started to realize how [TS]

  fun it was the first of all it's very [TS]

  funny very funny movie too [TS]

  it's not like a like a baggy pants movie [TS]

  like I mean it's a thriller it's sci-fi [TS]

  it's funny but just all those additional [TS]

  honey how much [TS]

  there's like math and then a decision [TS]

  and then math and a decision and like [TS]

  this is not a spoiler but but basically [TS]

  the science [TS]

  well he's gotta go like okay ah no [TS]

  problem like there's like five different [TS]

  ways this is that I'm probably gonna die [TS]

  here like which one of these gonna do [TS]

  okay let's focus on this one thing I [TS]

  could turn the spaceship into a farm [TS]

  math i could get this many meters out of [TS]

  this okay decision do I want to do that [TS]

  well do I have enough water to do that [TS]

  math how do i make more water if i make [TS]

  more water st my 50 litre supply but i [TS]

  loved it was fun [TS]

  all that scene where he were you aware [TS]

  he seals the heels the pod with plastic [TS]

  sheeting and then he's laying in bed and [TS]

  there's a spot Martians dust storm was [TS]

  cheating is going to whack whack and [TS]

  you're like no so lonely and he's [TS]

  packing up everybody stuff uh I mean [TS]

  it's not a perfect movie but it was [TS]

  right in the pocket for me [TS]

  here's here's where here's where it [TS]

  should have been mounting there is [TS]

  there's an idea at the center of that [TS]

  movie which is that the reason he [TS]

  survived was that he was an optimist at [TS]

  any point along the way a pessimistic [TS]

  personality not not not a pessimistic [TS]

  occupation you know but a pessimistic [TS]

  personality right there could have been [TS]

  a person with the same exact resume all [TS]

  those math skills who in that first [TS]

  moment I laid down and said well that's [TS]

  it for me and at any point along the way [TS]

  laid down and said well I just blew up [TS]

  the space station the and I and I cannot [TS]

  rebuild it and so I am going to open my [TS]

  helmet and die huh but his unfailingly [TS]

  optimistic can do [TS]

  johnny-on-the-spot like Navy pilot [TS]

  mentality was the thing that saved him [TS]

  ultimately like the math skills yes but [TS]

  it was the fact that he was had a [TS]

  cheerful disposition [TS]

  mhm and so that idea and the idea that [TS]

  we pick astronauts from this category of [TS]

  people who are indeed fatigue able who [TS]

  are just like thumbs-up can do who are [TS]

  who are in the world actually kind of [TS]

  annoying like they they are annoying to [TS]

  work with these people they're annoying [TS]

  to be in relationships with but they are [TS]

  that but they are a tool in the human [TS]

  toolkit [TS]

  uh-huh and we need to identify those [TS]

  people and employ them like that idea [TS]

  wasn't quite explored enough and I think [TS]

  part of that reason is that Matt Damon [TS]

  isn't actually that guy in his own life [TS]

  so he's communicating this like yippee [TS]

  skippee thing but it's not in his eyes I [TS]

  know hollywood script doctor but i'll [TS]

  tell you what I what I like about I [TS]

  can't this whole conversation I can't [TS]

  think about a great a great movies we [TS]

  should talk about someday but in this [TS]

  instance uh I thought the economy of [TS]

  storytelling in this was very good [TS]

  because there are so many different [TS]

  rabbit holes they could have gone down [TS]

  including like I mean you have to just [TS]

  take a lot of stuff as read and just [TS]

  kind of buying or not I including the [TS]

  fact that there's people on Mars which [TS]

  we have not done yet as far as we know [TS]

  but all the way I thought they were [TS]

  really good at just having what they [TS]

  needed to have in there to tell this [TS]

  particular story if they gone off to [TS]

  into too much like a dark night of the [TS]

  soul thing in a way that wasn't good for [TS]

  the movie it would not have been as good [TS]

  so I admired when I see an adaptation [TS]

  like that and like I say the book is way [TS]

  nerdier in some ways and there's still a [TS]

  lot of exposition for explaining things [TS]

  dangling like me but like i like i [TS]

  admired their restraint in keeping [TS]

  focused on the story that needed to be [TS]

  told when there could have been a [TS]

  million different rabbit holes to go [TS]

  down and just kind of alluding to [TS]

  different things but the whole story the [TS]

  whole story is i mean the the tension of [TS]

  the movie the entire time is you're [TS]

  thinking to yourself would i not would I [TS]

  know the math to do this because yeah [TS]

  you're asking you so you would you even [TS]

  just how long would you even entertain [TS]

  the completely fantastical idea that you [TS]

  might survive this thing you're smart [TS]

  enough to know how impossible the [TS]

  situation is like what would it take to [TS]

  actually then try and do something to [TS]

  save yourself [TS]

  yeah right i mean what do you do what do [TS]

  you do a hundred and eighty Days Inn [TS]

  when you wake up one morning and you go [TS]

  you know what I just don't have it in me [TS]

  today [TS]

  well I'd say it's more math and [TS]

  decisions method decisions about the [TS]

  decisions because if you say to yourself [TS]

  well okay is that his plan was obviously [TS]

  pretty pretty ambitious so if you were [TS]

  me and obviously I would never make it [TS]

  onto a spacecraft for a variety of [TS]

  reasons I i pee pee and poop a lot i'd [TS]

  be bad i would make a lot of compost but [TS]

  also anyone who was too conservative in [TS]

  thinking about how to stay alive in the [TS]

  short term short to medium term would be [TS]

  dead meat [TS]

  you would have to think about what [TS]

  resources you're willing to sacrifice [TS]

  that could keep you all around longer [TS]

  like how do you level your resources in [TS]

  a way that lets you do this thing that [TS]

  seems impossible that takes a huge leap [TS]

  of imagination [TS]

  mhm mhm McConaughey are there other [TS]

  movies if you if you can say are there [TS]

  other movies that we remember Matt Damon [TS]

  forward Matthew McConaughey we bet would [TS]

  be better to see him in a bourne [TS]

  supremacy bourne own identity I see I [TS]

  that this is an example of matter Matt [TS]

  Damon is great in the bourne supremacy [TS]

  bourne identity because yeah bourne [TS]

  identity is one of my favorite [TS]

  it's a great movie and when you look at [TS]

  matt damon and you look at him being a [TS]

  very internal actor he belongs in that [TS]

  movie he's he I by him as a as like a [TS]

  robot killer who has lost his memory and [TS]

  is just trying to figure it like but he [TS]

  has a but if there's a moral Center to [TS]

  him where he's trying to figure it out [TS]

  and he's making moral decisions within [TS]

  the context of this but every once in a [TS]

  while somebody comes in a window and [TS]

  tries to kill me and I killed them so [TS]

  i'm not a normal guy but but like there [TS]

  but there's a moral compass to him like [TS]

  I by him in that huh uh and that's what [TS]

  and i bet i buy him in the talented mr [TS]

  ripley where it's like he is there he is [TS]

  the ugly guy there's something really [TS]

  ugly about you but but I what I don't [TS]

  buy a is Matt Damon as the like [TS]

  Pollyanna the pollyanna super scientists [TS]

  don't you think that kind of being a [TS]

  Pollyanna in that situation would not be [TS]

  reasonable that you would have to have [TS]

  that balance of we would you call [TS]

  optimism identify call optimism exactly [TS]

  but there's certainly a lot like a lot [TS]

  of realism to figuring out like what [TS]

  resources you level to stay alive and do [TS]

  this incredibly ambitious stuff like [TS]

  picking up the nuclear reactor or [TS]

  whatever but this is the thing its [TS]

  realism of a kind [TS]

  it's you know it's the it's the type of [TS]

  person who has never sat down and said [TS]

  humans are pig dogs and there's no point [TS]

  and if you've ever thought that you're [TS]

  never gonna make it through a scenario [TS]

  like the Martian uh-huh [TS]

  because that thought will creep in when [TS]

  your farm blows up and you're just like [TS]

  you know what I gave this a good try [TS]

  I gave this a good try but ultimately my [TS]

  survival isn't that important and so I'm [TS]

  gonna like spare everyone myself [TS]

  included this fucking travail mhm but he [TS]

  does hear that ever occurred to him his [TS]

  survival is like is it now he's got a [TS]

  new plant which do not want to be in [TS]

  your script doctor meetings telling you [TS]

  I would be I would [TS]

  I'm the guy that would be fucking [TS]

  throwing cronuts at people human brought [TS]

  a chrome and it is going to stop right [TS]

  there stop talking what the cronut there [TS]

  that i want to see it in his eyes [TS]

  I want to see it in his eyes that he has [TS]

  never had a deep thought in his life i [TS]

  want to see that in his eyes [TS]

  because that is because that's the key [TS]

  to this and and likewise in the James [TS]

  Bond movie I want to see in all of their [TS]

  eyes more than I'm getting oh and what [TS]

  and what that would require was that [TS]

  when they first ran through the script [TS]

  it made any sense at all [TS]

  oh because there are a lot of great [TS]

  actors in that movie that are being [TS]

  pretty wasted pretty wasted because they [TS]

  are being given some dumb shit to do you [TS]

  know that feeling where it's like oh [TS]

  aight aight i got dumb shit to do [TS]

  oh yeah yeah I can't stand it so action [TS]

  movie script doctor who is another one [TS]

  of the jobs that i will deign to take if [TS]

  only the world is constructed and where [TS]

  people not approaching you for these [TS]

  things i don't know i went to that [TS]

  billionaire party with you and not there [TS]

  wasn't a single billionaire that walked [TS]

  up and said will you be the CEO of my [TS]

  company [TS]

  oh and then I was right there i was in [TS]

  their fucking laps and there's certainly [TS]

  familiar with your work [TS]

  well so to varying degrees and different [TS]

  different kinds of work i mean if Ilan [TS]

  musk is a tall scrobbling which I got to [TS]

  assume he is sure he's good he's got us [TS]

  he's got a roomful scrobbler sure he's [TS]

  got a proper got a dedicated wing [TS]

  scrobblers right and they are scrambling [TS]

  through all the podcast looking for elon [TS]

  musk references just like Courtney Love [TS]

  at a magazine stand in 1997 where it's [TS]

  just like let's see my flip let's see my [TS]

  picture is love this is not a library [TS]

  card any card look look I found you in [TS]

  teen beat let's get it on my god I look [TS]

  so fat your Elon Musk you are scrubbing [TS]

  all the podcast looking for references [TS]

  of yew of hungry for ideas John hungry [TS]

  right and so he has to have listened to [TS]

  every episode of this programmer we have [TS]

  discussed him as it as an architect at [TS]

  least by proxy is aware of it right and [TS]

  show or somebody on his team is somebody [TS]

  on this team is presenting to him on [TS]

  pappas a a list of references that we [TS]

  have made to him and some of the ideas [TS]

  that he needs a little script doctoring [TS]

  on huh [TS]

  and he's what and i'm at i'm at a [TS]

  fucking surrealist party with him and [TS]

  he's wearing some kind of feathered [TS]

  headdress and I'm just dress like a [TS]

  normal [TS]

  sin which is ultimately the most surreal [TS]

  costume mm and he doesn't walk over he [TS]

  just he stands over there and waits for [TS]

  me to approach him [TS]

  no no no no he doesn't understand how [TS]

  this works [TS]

  he doesn't that they fundamentally don't [TS]

  understand how it works and I think it's [TS]

  because its programming cultures we get [TS]

  the programming i think its program i [TS]

  think they're programmed to not know how [TS]

  to not be programmed so I mean you're [TS]

  here you're here you will pick up the [TS]

  phone sometimes if it well how should [TS]

  they contact you John is their way you [TS]

  would prefer to be contacted by the [TS]

  people who need help for things [TS]

  yeah text me later I heard you give out [TS]

  your address on a podcast the other day [TS]

  mm it was my office address when it [TS]

  might not even be really make another [TS]

  office in my PA el we call it a [TS]

  double-blind a pigeon drop yeah it's [TS]

  like an office at first of all the [TS]

  address is completely unbelievable there [TS]

  is no Seattle boulevard in Seattle [TS]

  Street that'd be kind of idiotic right [TS]

  but that's my address and it actually [TS]

  works the letters do get to me you can [TS]

  your letters will get to me before or [TS]

  the the very skips the the sox that [TS]

  people send you the Sox the gifts [TS]

  whatever you know what I said on the [TS]

  other podcasts yeah I will entertain any [TS]

  of your gifts i think you're only you [TS]

  know if I heard correctly you're only [TS]

  proviso was don't send me a living thing [TS]

  unless it's been prepared prepared and [TS]

  preserved yeah right i mean if you [TS]

  wanted dead beaver in less it's mounted [TS]

  or the bones have been bleached thank [TS]

  exist but otherwise if you are an [TS]

  artisanal maker of some kind you would [TS]

  like to test your product out on me here [TS]

  my true thoughts about it [TS]

  absolutely fucking send it to me and I [TS]

  will you know i'll put through the paces [TS]

  or script if you want to script doctored [TS]

  then that's a thing I mean you know the [TS]

  first couple of these I'll do grant us [TS]

  are you kidding me you would do that i [TS]

  do it just to just just just to [TS]

  demonstrate its a public service because [TS]

  a lot of people are going to see these [TS]

  movies and their shit what I want to do [TS]

  is I want to have the director make a [TS]

  move I want to I for instance you can [TS]

  make this this Specter movie they [TS]

  already did and then everybody sees it [TS]

  then I dr. the script and we remake it [TS]

  that's good and then you then that comes [TS]

  out six months from now and then we just [TS]

  do a little bit of a side-by-side we'll [TS]

  see we'll see what people think about [TS]

  that and what we're talking about the [TS]

  figure of a costumer 40 million to make [TS]

  the first one it's against a Toyota the [TS]

  second one's got to be cheap exactly can [TS]

  we use a lot of the parts that could [TS]

  probably use sets some of the sets that [TS]

  could reuse i guess i'm guessing you're [TS]

  gonna get rid of the valve but he could [TS]

  you gotta water a PPK in this one he it [TS]

  he carries it but so here's the here's [TS]

  the number one problem of this movie too [TS]

  many pistols every problem in this movie [TS]

  is solved with a pistol now James Bond [TS]

  should be solving movies with our should [TS]

  be solving problems with in his movie [TS]

  with things other than a pistol like [TS]

  mine bullets he should be using my [TS]

  bullets he should be used and there's [TS]

  one moment where there's an exploding [TS]

  watch but out the stuff that the stuff [TS]

  that his uh that his Aston Martin does [TS]

  is all stuff from thunderball i think [TS]

  i've heard it said there's some [TS]

  recycling in its meant to look like a [TS]

  haha throwback but it's actually [TS]

  recycling people there is that there is [TS]

  a moment there is a moment where i [TS]

  actually was grabbed like oh that's [TS]

  pretty [TS]

  that's that's I didn't even say oh [TS]

  that's pretty good i was like oh uh huh [TS]

  yeah there you go up but there there's [TS]

  like there's also many missed [TS]

  opportunities and the biggest one is [TS]

  don't let James Bond solve every problem [TS]

  with the pistol give him some shit to [TS]

  monkey with and let him also show some [TS]

  of his math and science guys gonna say [TS]

  let him let him science the shit out of [TS]

  some spy work he can science the spy [TS]

  stuff just as much as just as well as [TS]

  born can [TS]

  mhm right and he should be setting that [TS]

  but at every at every turn [TS]

  it's not even always his Walter he's [TS]

  taken pistols off of people he's finding [TS]

  pistols lying around you can really [TS]

  overdo the pistols and then people and [TS]

  so that the climax of the film i'm not [TS]

  even talk about him shooting the valve [TS]

  the climax of the film involves him in a [TS]

  moving vehicle shooting at a moving [TS]

  target at a distance of hundreds of [TS]

  yards with a pistol and we are meant to [TS]

  believe it because he shoots for [TS]

  x and doesn't accomplish it and then the [TS]

  fifth one he really aimed you know he [TS]

  like gives the squinty eye and he's like [TS]

  this is my last shot and he really aims [TS]

  and and he accomplished he puts a bullet [TS]

  into the mouth of a sparrow at 600 yards [TS]

  and doesn't kill the sparrow it just [TS]

  goes down it comes out its but that is [TS]

  the implausibility about you and I just [TS]

  like that's the this this is the climax [TS]

  that's gonna be a hard time for gun [TS]

  enthusiasts right now there's so much [TS]

  confusing stuff out there i feel bad for [TS]

  them I really do [TS]

  right on the one hand i want to make it [TS]

  very hard to own a gun in America ok I [TS]

  want there to be a lot of hoops you have [TS]

  to jump through I want there to be tests [TS]

  i wanted to be a thing that you get a [TS]

  license that seems absolutely reasonable [TS]

  that should be the case [TS]

  well I say that as a gun owner whether [TS]

  they're where they gave you license but [TS]

  it's really really really big and you [TS]

  have to carry it like what if it's the [TS]

  size of like a child science project [TS]

  what if you have two would have the [TS]

  license has to be in a frame and you [TS]

  have to wear it around your neck [TS]

  that's pretty good or you wear like a [TS]

  sandwich board but in a way that would [TS]

  prevent you from using a gun because you [TS]

  gotta carry the fucking license I have a [TS]

  gun license and here it is you can [TS]

  clearly see it around my neck I do [TS]

  believe that these are tough times for [TS]

  gun owners because they're completely [TS]

  unlicensed nature the fact that you can [TS]

  have as many guns as you want causes a [TS]

  lot of confusion for gun owners hmm they [TS]

  need some limitations in order to [TS]

  clarify really the guns they absolutely [TS]

  have to own you know they should look at [TS]

  their guns and say does this gun bring [TS]

  me joy [TS]

  oh sure if not clean it out of your [TS]

  closet right then just keep the guns [TS]

  that really bring you joy enough joy [TS]

  that it's worth it to you to go through [TS]

  what will probably be an onerous amount [TS]

  of rigmarole kind of equivalent to [TS]

  getting a motorcycle license [TS]

  I think you should not be allowed to [TS]

  have more guns than friends you spoken [TS]

  to personally in the last week [TS]

  oh wow that's a tough standard I know [TS]

  you know somebody said to me oh you know [TS]

  who it was it was the [TS]

  psychiatrist i'm going to see don't okay [TS]

  this is a little bit you know this is [TS]

  giving away quite a bit i heard of said [TS]

  this when I was running for office [TS]

  because you don't want to admit any [TS]

  weakness in public [TS]

  nobody running for office goes to a [TS]

  doctor not none whatsoever shouldn't [TS]

  hear they're already perfect but i have [TS]

  gone to a psychiatrist now twice which [TS]

  is which more than a that's more than [TS]

  all the other times put together more [TS]

  than all the other times in my life put [TS]

  together and at one point in them and i [TS]

  had and i think he's kind of a tingling [TS]

  but at one point he said you can only [TS]

  have five close friends and you can only [TS]

  know one hundred people and I was like [TS]

  that's interesting that you probably [TS]

  read that in psychology today in 1986 [TS]

  issue turns out but i know i know a [TS]

  thousand people by name and light end [TS]

  and I consider them and that's just the [TS]

  waitress it's I consider them friends [TS]

  like I know 5,000 people on site and [TS]

  2500 of them i don't know well enough to [TS]

  know whether their friend or not but [TS]

  like no you don't know what you're [TS]

  talking about i have i have more than [TS]

  five close friends if if if I am capable [TS]

  of having a close friend [TS]

  let's just say that Merlin Mann is my [TS]

  close friend there are two very [TS]

  different issues so it's one thing like [TS]

  that that thing sounds that sounds a [TS]

  little cute [TS]

  it's very cute it's very cute the whole [TS]

  profession is cute [TS]

  yeah i can see cutesy little things like [TS]

  that like it's only possible if you if [TS]

  you if you bend over and tie your [TS]

  shoelaces with your left hand [TS]

  that means that your mother didn't put [TS]

  your knee when she was disciplining the [TS]

  road after mr. Roderick look at your [TS]

  fingernails [TS]

  haha it's all it's all TED talk shit its [TS]

  total TED talk turns out bullshit TED [TS]

  talk turns out it makes me want to talk [TS]

  into my wallet [TS]

  it makes me want to fucking answer a [TS]

  phone call my wallet [TS]

  he wanted so I have to take this I can [TS]

  run flat out for a half mile before my [TS]

  hands start shaking now why would I know [TS]

  that [TS]

  hmm turns out certain doubt that the [TS]

  pressure points in my feet are related [TS]

  1like related each to another to my [TS]

  mustache hairs [TS]