Roderick on the Line

Ep. 185: "I Reject Potatoes."


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by Casper Casper [TS]

  is an online retailer of premium [TS]

  mattresses that you can get delivered to [TS]

  your door for a fraction of the price [TS]

  you pay in stores to learn more right [TS]

  now please visit Casper calm / [TS]

  supertrain and by Squarespace start [TS]

  building your website today at [TS] no credit card required [TS]

  an offer comes super train at checkout [TS]

  and you'll get ten percent off your [TS]

  first purchase Squarespace build it [TS]

  beautiful [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good [TS]

  ok happy Monday I feel like bears this [TS]

  morning that the dancer in that band [TS]

  yeah that's right the Happy Mondays wow [TS]

  he's the dancer professional the [TS]

  accompanying dancer is EOD startup [TS]

  professional or when they must just [TS]

  invite him on stage to do a little dance [TS]

  I think he probably invited himself [TS]

  onstage [TS]

  yeah there was another band here in the [TS]

  northwest that had had their own dancer [TS]

  I i'd love to hear why feel like best [TS]

  but also i am a fan of band to have a [TS]

  superfluous dancer on stage I like that [TS]

  how many do you know it depends on how [TS]

  you define it i think bob from pavement [TS]

  kind of started out as a guy doing dance [TS]

  onstage [TS]

  you're right i think you're right then [TS]

  they gave him a stick right the other [TS]

  day and they might give him a stick he [TS]

  used to be the old drummer supposedly [TS]

  used to lake and out food at the door [TS]

  like sugar babies hand Gary's that his [TS]

  name Carrie Carrie Carrie so many [TS]

  cherries and they're all wonderful and [TS]

  then there was at the time of course [TS]

  like and then the sixth easy to have [TS]

  people dancing on stage I think it was [TS]

  just part of the people really used to [TS]

  put on a show that's right there was a [TS]

  Portland bank old hazel which was the [TS]

  peak krebs band and they had a dancer [TS]

  named fred fred was a little bit older [TS]

  than everybody else in the band and the [TS]

  thing i would think about them is that [TS]

  they were just an indie rock band you [TS]

  know they were there were excellent [TS]

  indie rock band i remember the name very [TS]

  much [TS]

  yeah but they had a great land like a [TS]

  middle-aged guy with the long beard [TS]

  dancing on stage with them which at the [TS]

  time was quite it quite a spectacle [TS]

  now what you expected yeah well I like [TS]

  to circle back to this can ask why I [TS]

  feel like that's today [TS]

  mmm jayla wind it no no let me tell you [TS]

  so in my office now i have to rig a key [TS]

  curing you kind of Kuric a cure egg [TS]

  and so I spent I was a little bit late [TS]

  to the program 15 minutes late because [TS]

  that was the 15 minutes it took me to [TS]

  figure out my care reg was this your [TS]

  first of the first pole first one [TS]

  sorry I'm saying I'm drinking it I'm [TS]

  drinking it out of a mug that says my [TS]

  own picture on it because that was the [TS]

  only mug that I had here [TS]

  uh-huh and hand it's delicious it's [TS]

  delicious it's nutritious it's my own [TS]

  coffee my own copy in my own strange [TS]

  little packet coffeemaker I'm into it [TS]

  though [TS]

  yeah here I go was it a gift oh nice [TS]

  oh the call coffee [TS]

  it was it was Christmas present and it's [TS]

  simple just Merlin it just simplifies [TS]

  the process of making coffee so much all [TS]

  you have to do is just push like 14 [TS]

  buttons wait wait 11 minutes yeah I [TS]

  don't want to rain on your parade [TS]

  there's there's there's a few things I [TS]

  really really like about the keurig and [TS]

  then like a very large number of things [TS]

  I don't like about it [TS]

  mhm but it's me as a new keurig keurig [TS]

  owner [TS]

  I'm very very curious well I you know [TS]

  maybe I should not hold back i don't [TS]

  want to sour your experience of it [TS]

  milady works in a job at a fancy office [TS]

  and it's got lots of nice perks she can [TS]

  like walk to the gym you know she got a [TS]

  standing desk hundred rooms a lot of [TS]

  turquoise turquoise it's the kind that's [TS]

  why you get a job for the perks I think [TS]

  when you get a job in you know in her [TS]

  case medicine and education there's a [TS]

  lot of parks free medicine but she's got [TS]

  a Keurig machine the reason we ended up [TS]

  getting a Keurig machine she has one in [TS]

  her work place where she can walk a few [TS]

  steps go to the little kitchen and the [TS]

  thing about her current machine is its [TS]

  got like a dedicated waterline whoa it's [TS]

  a it's a it's a plugged in your eggs you [TS]

  can you imagine how that changes [TS]

  everything with fuckin changes [TS]

  everything [TS]

  you walk up to get one of these little [TS]

  buckets it looks kinda like a [TS]

  giant-sized cisco creamer [TS]

  yeah he drop it in an incredibly sharp [TS]

  needle goes into it and then it scored [TS]

  some coffee for you [TS]

  yeah it'sit's the the thing i will say [TS]

  about the keurig it is when it works is [TS]

  it is insanely can [TS]

  distant mm inconvenient consistent [TS]

  convenient those are two things that I [TS]

  want [TS]

  yeah because I a man you know I'm here [TS]

  and at the office and sometimes I want [TS]

  another cup of coffee but it's a long [TS]

  way to get a cup of coffee here [TS]

  well can I ask you about your iOS too [TS]

  much better office for a variety of [TS]

  reasons but what is the basic setup in [TS]

  terms of amenities I assume that you [TS]

  have a desk with your mac on it [TS]

  you've got probably a lot of empty [TS]

  amazon boxes there starts true and so [TS]

  what what is the setup for things like [TS]

  you know I'm always interested in [TS]

  bathrooms your bathroom set up what's [TS]

  the kitchen and food setup as the [TS]

  refrigeration could you give a rough [TS]

  idea of what today is like for you in [TS]

  terms of the amenities and perks [TS]

  absolutely so my offices as you know [TS]

  constructed in a former immigration [TS]

  prison [TS]

  wha well yeah that really honest [TS]

  well so it's a it's a beautiful art deco [TS]

  building that was built to house [TS]

  foreigners that we just we determined we [TS]

  did not want to just roam around so this [TS]

  was in the this was pre World War two [TS]

  when the biggest sort of problem the [TS]

  biggest immigration problem here in [TS]

  Seattle I think we're Chinese and and [TS]

  other sort of asian being Filipino knows [TS]

  they were coming in the working on ships [TS]

  and then they were trying to emigrate [TS]

  and and we had some issue with that so [TS]

  this was the new this was the new prison [TS]

  at the time I think before that they [TS]

  were just you know people whose [TS]

  immigration status was unclear [TS]

  we're just held in warehouses or Worf's [TS]

  and in addition to being the new [TS]

  immigration prison it was also the [TS]

  assays office so if you wanted your if [TS]

  you wanted your poke of gold assayed [TS]

  would also bring it here if you wanted [TS]

  your little if you wanted your your or [TS]

  if you are not recognized at the rim you [TS]

  can bring in what you find and let you [TS]

  know if it's a good claim [TS]

  oh well they will actually yeah they [TS]

  will tell you I'll tell you what you're [TS]

  golden [TS]

  going for like it it's a well put it on [TS]

  the scale in other words wow wow [TS]

  and so it continued in that role and [TS]

  then the war came [TS]

  so there this was not I mean they they [TS]

  decided that they were going to deport [TS]

  all of the japanese-americans two camps [TS]

  and this was sort of the headquarters of [TS]

  that process also did started out more [TS]

  like Vito Corleone in a room and became [TS]

  more like a halfway house to getting [TS]

  people to those camps during the war and [TS]

  I'm a nap after the war successive waves [TS]

  of people immigrating to Washington [TS]

  created a you know sort of like a your [TS]

  immigration statuses you don't have a [TS]

  passport for you don't you know you are [TS]

  applying for asylum here and it was a [TS]

  kind of place that that the goal was to [TS]

  process people through it but a lot of [TS]

  times you find people who just need to [TS]

  be deported to their original country [TS]

  okay sometimes you find people where [TS]

  they are original company doesn't her [TS]

  country doesn't want them back and [TS]

  that's where you get people in a limbo [TS]

  state America wants to send them away [TS]

  and then no country wants them i got and [TS]

  so then they live in a limbo state where [TS]

  they are locked in this prison until [TS]

  they are until their statuses resolved [TS]

  and as you can imagine the the people [TS]

  whose job it is to resolve that status [TS]

  are underpaid and overworked and harried [TS]

  and so forth by talk about being stuck [TS]

  in the system [TS]

  yeah and so there there were for many [TS]

  years people that just lived in a prison [TS]

  and there was no they they continue to [TS]

  have no status remember that guy that [TS]

  lived in the airport he lived in he [TS]

  landed in in the New York City edited [TS]

  JFK I really needed they made a movie [TS]

  about him because he is an international [TS]

  airport and he couldn't couldn't get out [TS]

  he couldn't go anyplace else [TS]

  yeah right he just was stuck in this [TS]

  like in-between State so this prison you [TS]

  know developed a reputation as being a [TS]

  pretty bad place [TS]

  it's because there are people stuck here [TS]

  for years and that no recourse to any [TS]

  law so as time went on you know then [TS]

  there were then there were a lot of [TS]

  latin american people here and a lot of [TS]

  Muslim people here and at a certain [TS]

  point after nine eleven it was [TS]

  determined that this prison wasn't big [TS]

  enough we needed to build a new prison a [TS]

  super-big state-of-the-art prison to [TS]

  house all of the new people that we were [TS]

  going to hold that to come in Northwest [TS]

  detention center that's the one and so [TS]

  this was the Bush era when we were a [TS]

  building a lot of prisons and behold a [TS]

  lot of people and so they they're here [TS]

  was this there's this enormous [TS]

  terracotta prison right in the center of [TS]

  Seattle's international district that no [TS]

  one knew what to do with so they just [TS]

  surplus it i just sold it to some dudes [TS]

  and the dudes thought oh man it's very [TS]

  cool building they were like oh well [TS]

  we'll set it up with t1 lines and it'll [TS]

  be a super rad tech office [TS]

  Wow and then the tech crashed sure and [TS]

  they said you know what [TS]

  rather than do that we're just gonna [TS]

  throw up some drywall and ran into a [TS]

  bunch of artists because right at that [TS]

  time Seattle's pioneer square [TS]

  neighborhood which had formerly been the [TS]

  art artist loft place was being swept [TS]

  with a with a wave of gentrification and [TS]

  all the artists were getting pushed out [TS]

  there was a place called The Washington [TS]

  shoe building which was an old shoe [TS]

  factory and it was that kind of artist [TS]

  hive where you walk in and the walls [TS]

  were all wackadoodle and people were [TS]

  having crazy parties like wonderful [TS]

  wonderful art parties and people living [TS]

  in there illegally and you know and [TS]

  making art so a lot of the old [TS]

  respectable artists that have come up in [TS]

  the Washington shoe building just moved [TS]

  over to this place which was formerly [TS]

  the [TS]

  what they call it the lioness building [TS]

  and the new owners change that too in [TS]

  escape so IMS case inscape so no t1 [TS]

  lines know uh amenities really of any [TS]

  kind and my office is a corner office in [TS]

  what was formerly the men's dormitory [TS]

  where people lived in bunk beds in a [TS]

  giant you know holding place where I [TS]

  think they lived for a long long time [TS]

  there were bars on the windows [TS]

  I'm up on the top top floor so and and [TS]

  you know there are stories of guys that [TS]

  like climbed out on the on the ledge and [TS]

  jump to their deaths because it was so [TS]

  abysmal here my god [TS]

  and now some artists have turned the [TS]

  inscape building into a living museum [TS]

  where they commemorate all of the areas [TS]

  of of its prison dumb and there are all [TS]

  kinds of art parties here now and it's a [TS]

  and on my floor like painters and [TS]

  photographers and there's a woman that [TS]

  does a wonderful thing which i'm sure [TS]

  you know about which is she goes into [TS]

  business meetings and she diagrams the [TS]

  meeting what maybe you don't know about [TS]

  this yeah I love it out it's a kind of [TS]

  art but also a business strategy where [TS]

  they're having a meeting and she is kind [TS]

  of simultaneously like turning the [TS]

  meeting into a big a flow chart e wall [TS]

  art thing which then allows you to look [TS]

  at the meeting in and like a whole piece [TS]

  of data data art Wow [TS]

  I and let's see there's a woman next [TS]

  door who is I mean there are a lot of [TS]

  like the encaustic sculptor type people [TS]

  who are melting wax and burning things [TS]

  Potter's but what that means is an [TS]

  industrial sink halfway down the hall [TS]

  over a dormitory bathroom at the far end [TS]

  of the hall from me and no kitchen no I [TS]

  mean you just have to build your own [TS]

  little kitchen in your own place so if [TS]

  you want running water you gotta go to [TS]

  the sink you go to the sink to go [TS]

  ok alright you gotta go down the hall to [TS]

  go to the bathroom which is like shared [TS]

  yeah yeah I know and I mean but it's [TS]

  kept its kept reasonably clean there's a [TS]

  there's a manager here that sort of it [TS]

  does a a pretty darn good job of running [TS]

  heard on everybody [TS]

  the free pile is pretty amazing down in [TS]

  the basement right now i would say the [TS]

  free pile has gone to shit people are [TS]

  just dumping trash there but over the [TS]

  years like you know you find a dentist [TS]

  chair there i mean i've outfitted my [TS]

  whole place with stuff I found in the [TS]

  building the couch there's a table with [TS]

  four chairs there's a desk [TS]

  it's a it's living history living [TS]

  history that's right and I like the [TS]

  space i like the weird people so the [TS]

  current is good fit for you in that [TS]

  sense yet [TS]

  that's right gotta fetch some water got [TS]

  and I've got a picture so i can go get [TS]

  the water without taking the courage up [TS]

  curate apart right and uh yeah I've got [TS]

  a little space heater yet fridge no [TS]

  fridge [TS]

  you should get fridge well so what i did [TS]

  was i bought a I bought a box of those [TS]

  little creamers oh they're like aseptic [TS]

  don't go back rumors [TS]

  no don't go bad dreamers and I figure [TS]

  they won't go bad for six months or [TS]

  something like that what else would I [TS]

  want in the fridge Greek yogurt yogurt [TS]

  you can have us ulcers [TS]

  yeah I don't mind a warm seltzer yeah I [TS]

  don't know one of my favorite things [TS]

  I've got you've been here I [TS]

  got a cosco dorm fridge right I've got [TS]

  our old microwave and I've got a [TS]

  Cuisinart hotpot water boiler for for [TS]

  making hot beverages [TS]

  well what's nice about your offices and [TS]

  you got the private bathroom and always [TS]

  just steps away [TS]

  yes away and and that's great and you [TS]

  know you could actually you know if you [TS]

  and the wife had a disagreement you go [TS]

  down and live in your office for don't [TS]

  think I haven't thought about it and and [TS]

  here I mean I sleep I take naps here of [TS]

  course but i do it just stretched out on [TS]

  the floor with it because the couch is [TS]

  too small to sleep alone [TS]

  yeah i got a sleeping bag and pillow i [TS]

  pull out a couple times a month and I'm [TS]

  worried that when on the very rare [TS]

  occasion my landlord was really great [TS]

  when he comes here I I worried that he [TS]

  thinks there's something kind of weird [TS]

  going on here huh [TS]

  it's a live-work space yeah you know I [TS]

  feel guilty worried about everything but [TS]

  like yeah exactly that maybe maybe I'm [TS]

  like stretching the stretching the code [TS]

  a little bit so you've got a big shelf [TS]

  unit that has a bunch of dolls on it [TS]

  Supergirl and super boy and girl boy and [TS]

  and dynamite win the Great DC villain [TS]

  girl boy and and whatever like bat that [TS]

  person and and green green person person [TS]

  that big boob girl big girl with the [TS]

  black eyes bigger bigger boobs girl on [TS]

  my shelf let's see what i have i have a [TS]

  have a piano i have a second piano what [TS]

  well I mean like electric pianos look at [TS]

  rhodes I i have a Wurlitzer and roads [TS]

  and then I have a juno 106 and then I've [TS]

  got a very big creative kazoos and also [TS]

  this old long winters come and winters [TS]

  kazoos we we bought you know 10,000 of [TS]

  those and we sold a lot of them but we [TS]

  still have a lot of them and I've got [TS]

  some oh I don't want to say kind of what [TS]

  I've got because people are going to [TS]

  start hassling me but I've got some long [TS]

  winners by know some John Roderick books [TS]

  some old t-shirts vintage long winters [TS]

  t-shirts including a couple of girl [TS]

  baseball sleeve snowblower t-shirts [TS]

  wow this is all classics and and i'm [TS]

  just imagining you have any of your you [TS]

  know [TS]

  Roderick campaign materials there I've [TS]

  got some robber campaign materials [TS]

  anybody's interested in moans that's [TS]

  quite a living museum you got there it [TS]

  is i was including a giant banner a huge [TS]

  huge Roderick Roderick band is unfurled [TS]

  uh-huh [TS]

  not on 400 i could put it on the wall [TS]

  but I wouldn't still a little soon soon [TS]

  too soon and then I've got various and [TS]

  sundry things that I found in the free [TS]

  pile that I was like I'm yeah what the [TS]

  hell that that's a cool box i did that [TS]

  some of the fun things down the street [TS]

  now there's nothing to worry about with [TS]

  the landlord says I'll find things on [TS]

  the street and I just pick it up for no [TS]

  reason to bring it like I've gotta get a [TS]

  pallet yeah i don't know why i have a [TS]

  palette but I thought maybe somebody [TS]

  that could use that for something [TS]

  well sure after the apocalypse you break [TS]

  it up and we'll make a campfire you can [TS]

  make a campfire very very tiny house [TS]

  oh you can make a tiny house that's [TS]

  right for uh for the girl boy to live in [TS]

  your boy and green green boil it and [TS]

  Wilberforce and open borders and uh like [TS]

  I'd lady [TS]

  yeah dr. bold this episode of Roderick [TS]

  on the line is brought to you in part by [TS]

  Squarespace you can learn more about [TS]

  Squarespace right now by going to [TS] as you probably know i'm [TS]

  a huge fan and evangelist to squarespace [TS]

  I've used them for over five years now [TS]

  and I think the best it's not only the [TS]

  place that I use for hosting me my own [TS]

  sites and yes my podcast including the [TS]

  one you're listening to [TS]

  it's also the first place i recommend [TS]

  for anybody who wants to do the same [TS]

  Squarespace eyes are gorgeous they are [TS]

  professionally designed masterpieces and [TS]

  they look great out-of-the-box you do [TS]

  not have to get nerd to make these [TS]

  things work they have intuitive [TS]

  easy-to-use tools that take all the pain [TS]

  of getting your stuff up plus square [TS]

  space has state-of-the-art technology to [TS]

  power your site that ensure security and [TS]

  stability even if you get a link from an [TS]

  internet celebrity like John Roderick [TS]

  Squarespace is trusted by millions of [TS]

  people and some of the most respected [TS]

  companies in the world and today i will [TS]

  remind you that Squarespace also offer [TS]

  some amazing ecommerce functionality [TS]

  that means with squarespace you can [TS]

  design a best-in-class online storefront [TS]

  you sell your own stuff right on the [TS]

  internet it's crazy [TS]

  you get award-winning templates [TS]

  customizable settings shoppable look [TS]

  books and more all without a single [TS]

  plug-in thing is you're starting to look [TS]

  great everywhere including on mobile [TS]

  managing orders pain listen even help [TS]

  you determine shipping rates and [TS]

  generate labels it's all in one place [TS]

  this is solid gold [TS]

  here's the part that's crazytown banana [TS]

  pants these Squarespace plans they start [TS]

  at eight dollars a month that even [TS]

  includes a free domain name if you sign [TS]

  up for a year which you should totally [TS]

  do so please check these folks i love [TS]

  them i use them I tell everybody go give [TS]

  these folks to try the best and tell [TS]

  your friends about it can start your [TS]

  free trial site today with no credit [TS]

  card required by visiting [TS] and when you decide to [TS]

  sign up for Squarespace please make sure [TS]

  to use that very special offer code [TS]

  super training and that will get you ten [TS]

  percent off your first purchase [TS]

  beautiful website [TS]

  oh I'm so happy our thanks to [TS]

  squarespace for supporting Robert on the [TS]

  line and all the great shows [TS]

  Squarespace build it beautiful use my [TS]

  i'm such a poor housekeeper that even [TS]

  now I all of your stuff including the [TS]

  coffee cup used all still in exactly the [TS]

  same place I haven't moved it [TS]

  oh really oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I is a [TS]

  giant is a giant pile of Marvel dolls on [TS]

  the floor that you that you have [TS]

  examined in described me that well yeah [TS]

  I could tell i could tell that it wasn't [TS]

  you hadn't recently swept through there [TS]

  with a big cleaning [TS]

  well this is the problem with my [TS]

  questions it said we should give [TS]

  accurate i guess but but you know I it [TS]

  seems like you have a very particular [TS]

  feeling about your space at home and you [TS]

  have your collections and you've got [TS]

  things set up a certain way so does that [TS]

  same philosophy apply at your office [TS]

  because I mostly just clean up [TS]

  occasionally move stuff around and [TS]

  fillmore bankers boxes it's pretty [TS]

  utilitarian let me say that the state of [TS]

  my house currently is embarrassing [TS]

  no I say that John Robert why would you [TS]

  say such a thing [TS]

  well because somewhere along the line in [TS]

  october i just started to let it all go [TS]

  to hell [TS]

  I and i put it back together I think [TS]

  once in late October did a big clean put [TS]

  everything back together but it was it [TS]

  was it wasn't that the house itself was [TS]

  teetering but it was that I was [TS]

  teetering and then in November I let it [TS]

  go again when it also this point you're [TS]

  still dealing with the election [TS]

  well I'm you know I'm i have processed [TS]

  it but i'm looking into the future I'm [TS]

  like what's gonna happen until I got an [TS]

  October when was the one did your part [TS]

  in the race and beginning of august so i [TS]

  can open that long [TS]

  yeah gosh i know that saying the City [TS]

  Council the seattle city council has [TS]

  been seeded the election is completely [TS]

  over and they've all taken their jobs [TS]

  and won't be the same without you [TS]

  well it's true it's true but there you [TS]

  know the Seattle Seattle just didn't [TS]

  share my vision yet yet [TS]

  that's right anyway I let it go in [TS]

  november and then I went away for a [TS]

  month and a half on tour tourists [TS]

  tourists kind of things and now walking [TS]

  into my house that you'll be greeted by [TS]

  just utter chaos chaos in every [TS]

  direction including I took apart my I [TS]

  talk about my bed in order to replace it [TS]

  with my Casper bed and that whole [TS]

  process because i'm sleeping now on the [TS]

  Casper bed that I put in the guest room [TS]

  right so i emigrated to the guest room [TS]

  and in the whole time I've lived in the [TS]

  house I'd ever I never lived in the [TS]

  guest room [TS]

  it's the guest room I said says it right [TS]

  on it but another one that Kevin the [TS]

  back by the stairs there's stairs okay [TS]

  now I'm living in the guest room and my [TS]

  bedroom like the sleigh bed is all [TS]

  dismantled but hasn't been moved [TS]

  there's an extra couch upstairs that [TS]

  doesn't belong there that never should [TS]

  have gone there it was hard to get there [TS]

  and now it has to get out of there are [TS]

  you singing my song ah yeah and there's [TS]

  a desk up there that doesn't belong [TS]

  there [TS]

  there's a there's a there's a new Casper [TS]

  reality just waiting to be implemented [TS]

  and then downstairs [TS]

  oh there's another desk that doesn't [TS]

  belong there there's some furniture that [TS]

  I just there's some furniture i found in [TS]

  the barn that needs to go [TS]

  i'm wearing my couch out and on top of [TS]

  it all is a thousand unread New Yorker [TS]

  magazines all that stuff I got back from [TS]

  the burglary that i decided i needed to [TS]

  sort again [TS]

  oh sure it's got to find a new place in [TS]

  there in your new new reality right but [TS]

  that's all half sorted and then there's [TS]

  a layer of like a layer of books and [TS]

  novels and stuff that's all on top of [TS]

  that and then there's a layer of just [TS]

  wall over everything [TS]

  sure and so a every time I walk into my [TS]

  house now I'm I'm overwhelmed by the the [TS]

  daunting scale of just what needs to be [TS]

  done and so I'm becoming someone who's [TS]

  just walking through the clearing on the [TS]

  way and there are a lot of like i said i [TS]

  started doing my Bobby's and projects in [TS]

  the kitchen because there wasn't any [TS]

  space anywhere and how the kitchen [TS]

  counters are all covered with boxes is [TS]

  this is so similar so similar to what [TS]

  we're dealing with at home right now [TS]

  where there's been this perfect storm is [TS]

  an overused phrase but there's been a [TS]

  confluence of several things that have [TS]

  happened including that my wife works [TS]

  full-time now I'm you know not super [TS]

  busy but I'm doing more than I was like [TS]

  six months ago [TS]

  christmas comes along so all kinds of [TS]

  new things come in the house because of [TS]

  christmas and also my daughter I am on [TS]

  the one hand very proud to say has [TS]

  gotten really into will just say arts [TS]

  and crafts she's very but feel like [TS]

  drawing you know painting that kind of [TS]

  stuff that's bad enough but she's also [TS]

  does things with beads and just all of [TS]

  these little projects there's lego [TS]

  everywhere and my problem is like I hear [TS]

  you because I feel like I come in the [TS]

  house and it's a little depressing [TS]

  partly because it's like a tile puzzle [TS]

  we're like if I if half of this stuff [TS]

  was just gone [TS]

  I would be able to clean the place up [TS]

  right you can't really properly if you [TS]

  got two deaths you don't need your house [TS]

  like you got a bigger problem [TS]

  yes you need a holler you need you need [TS]

  somebody to come in with the big claw [TS]

  and like actually take some giant things [TS]

  out to make more room in the tile puzzle [TS]

  that's exactly right and then on top of [TS]

  it like one of the big problems and [TS]

  I and I'm embarrassed to say this but [TS]

  one of the big problems [TS]

  honestly is that I have too many blazers [TS]

  in the last that seems like something [TS]

  you could collect and organize but but [TS]

  there's only so much closet space in any [TS]

  one place and I just I just really found [TS]

  a lot of good blazers in the last couple [TS]

  of years and and I didn't say no to any [TS]

  of them the good ones because they were [TS]

  only eight dollars and they were lovely [TS]

  but now i have so many Blazers that I [TS]

  just don't have the closet space for [TS]

  them but I take them out and I arrange [TS]

  them you know I spread them out and look [TS]

  at them and say which of these plays can [TS]

  I get rid of alcohol i need the orange [TS]

  linen 1i need the green felt one and I [TS]

  need the blue tweet whether i need that [TS]

  other tweet one and then pretty soon I'm [TS]

  like in that headspace where it's like [TS]

  well what if i get asked to a2 an orange [TS]

  tweed party [TS]

  yeah right you're gonna find that twice [TS]

  yeah right so then and that's part of [TS]

  part of like the looming ebay store that [TS]

  i'm going to launch is going to be a [TS]

  player up like a pipeline for all this [TS]

  stuff to go out into the world and I'm [TS]

  just hoping the problem is when we when [TS]

  we did our show our live show the other [TS]

  day i was looking at the audience and I [TS]

  was saying how many of these people are [TS]

  44 and 46 Long's right because that's [TS]

  the that's the market for pretty much [TS]

  everything I own [TS]

  I'm gonna put a bunch of Blazers up [TS]

  online but if you're not a 44 long or 46 [TS]

  long or 42 long list says there can't be [TS]

  that many people who buy it just to have [TS]

  you know a creepy piece of John's past [TS]

  yeah people are going to put it on the [TS]

  wall like a kimono now man can imagine [TS]

  that said a tweed jacket up up on the [TS]

  wall in a big giant frame in the John [TS]

  room [TS]

  um so no I expect that these will be [TS]

  practical items for people but there [TS]

  it's gonna be a limited number of people [TS]

  if you are if you're 56 these things are [TS]

  going to be its there's not really going [TS]

  to be anything I'll be pretty cute girl [TS]

  like a girl 56 of the pixie cut where [TS]

  246 long and pretty cute how with the [TS]

  belt [TS]

  love you like a ribbon belt exactly and [TS]

  rolled up sleeves i mean i could see it [TS]

  I can't do I actually that's pretty cute [TS]

  is super cute but yeah just move the [TS]

  buttons right just move the buttons over [TS]

  and to make it into a double-breasted [TS]

  jacket with Johnny I got it is believed [TS]

  that it would look like come on now I [TS]

  mhm [TS]

  I i think i've talked about this before [TS]

  but like there's something I do every [TS]

  depending on where it is what it is [TS]

  every year two or three which is called [TS]

  the hauling guy and the thing is this is [TS]

  not this is the final part of the [TS]

  problem but getting to that part is [TS]

  difficult so basically there's these [TS]

  places you can call and I don't like [TS]

  doing this I feel weird about it I don't [TS]

  think it's super environmentally sound [TS]

  but my environment needs to be made more [TS]

  sound by doing this which is i will just [TS]

  get a and I don't know this for you but [TS]

  it's time to think about you get some [TS]

  contractor bags like a bunch of [TS]

  contractor bags and just just start [TS]

  feeling feeling feeling feeling feeling [TS]

  them up and the amazing part is like I [TS]

  go through so much anxiety with that [TS]

  where it's like a I don't want to miss [TS]

  out i don't want to deal with this I [TS]

  don't want this stuff going to dump I [TS]

  feel terrible about all of this but the [TS]

  amazing part is in my case a few months [TS]

  ago I did this from my office and this [TS]

  guy like five guys and a big pickup [TS]

  truck show up and honestly it was about [TS]

  18 minutes from my life is virtually [TS]

  unlivable in this office to like a new [TS]

  start and it's it is one of those like [TS]

  talk about a weight off your shoulders [TS]

  again I'm not saying it's the greatest [TS]

  thing environmentally but like what you [TS]

  gonna do you gonna be your own personal [TS]

  garbage dump for the rest your life own [TS]

  personal garbage dome but just if you [TS]

  could just get the the desks out that [TS]

  would be a start you have some kids come [TS]

  and carry your desks out that would be a [TS]

  huge start [TS]

  you can also do something like a task [TS]

  rabbit you can have somebody coming make [TS]

  a bed for you that's probably a few [TS]

  uh-huh but I'm just saying you might [TS]

  need to outsource some of this hey kids [TS]

  get these desks out of here you can find [TS]

  some merchants in the neighborhood [TS]

  well and so the thing is like I'm [TS]

  starting to look at my candlestick [TS]

  collection with with the different I [TS]

  with it with a little bit of a jaundiced [TS]

  eye [TS]

  yeah i'm saying i got too many [TS]

  candlesticks I really don't i don't need [TS]

  these and that's something i could put [TS]

  on my ebay store and someone of any size [TS]

  could buy [TS]

  you need in some ways your barn is [TS]

  probably not up to it you wouldn't want [TS]

  to be your office [TS]

  I don't think anybody else in your life [TS]

  would allow it you need a third place a [TS]

  storage shed not great because nobody [TS]

  ever open the storage shed after nobody [TS]

  over just becomes this place where [TS]

  spiders live [TS]

  that's it becomes the place where [TS]

  spiders move into your stuff yeah right [TS]

  but you kind of need you need you know [TS]

  you almost could get one of those [TS]

  storage that you can have those like it [TS]

  the way they move now you can have a big [TS]

  storage container you put your stuff in [TS]

  and they ship that out to a place and [TS]

  you almost could use a storage container [TS]

  somewhere on your property from month it [TS]

  is a thing what I really want and need [TS]

  is a basement like I'm a basement [TS]

  dweller truly amazed i learned that [TS]

  about myself there are people who like [TS]

  to live in an upstairs environment i am [TS]

  at late at night I want to be in a [TS]

  basement [TS]

  yeah and if I'm in a basement then it [TS]

  then it feels it feels appropriate that [TS]

  I be surrounded by crazy projects and [TS]

  it's all down in daddy's basement and [TS]

  can be closed the door and just the [TS]

  insanity happens down there you can play [TS]

  the guitar you can you can build a train [TS]

  set you can do whatever lunatic thing [TS]

  that you want to do but my house doesn't [TS]

  have a basement it's just one of those [TS]

  houses that was built up built on the [TS]

  ground for all intensive purposes and [TS]

  it's the one thing that i rue is that I [TS]

  don't have a basement and you know I [TS]

  could dig out under the house and build [TS]

  a basement but what a project [TS]

  oh come on no vault oh no that would be [TS]

  too much with the last place that I [TS]

  lived in Tallahassee and Tallahassee is [TS]

  not so much of a basement kind of place [TS]

  in seattle basement play so there are a [TS]

  lot of basements there I depends but no [TS]

  I mean yes but no it's not it's not a [TS]

  massive there are basements but it's not [TS]

  like you know the you know mid-atlantic [TS]

  or the Midwest were like you just get a [TS]

  basement the size of your house with [TS]

  your house [TS]

  no it's I mean they're they're plenty of [TS]

  houses here have basements plenty don't [TS]

  I mean in Anchorage a lot of houses that [TS]

  don't have basements they're just you [TS]

  know they just throw some boards on the [TS]

  ground and start building a house [TS]

  in Tallahassee i would imagine that [TS]

  you'd have alligators down there right [TS]

  away yeah because of the sea level [TS]

  situation it's not as bad as Miami but [TS]

  like the last house I lived in which [TS]

  seemed probably expensive at seven [TS]

  hundred fifty dollars a month had an [TS]

  entire it wasn't actually technically it [TS]

  wasn't part of the house that we were [TS]

  renting so like we weren't supposed to [TS]

  use it but except to do like laundry but [TS]

  oh my god it had an entire you don't [TS]

  talk about where you've got a basement [TS]

  that's almost the size of your house and [TS]

  it's in it's the footprint of your house [TS]

  and it was it was finished so that it [TS]

  could be like a nice in law [TS]

  oh yeah and it had like a full bathroom [TS]

  and had a whole separate area like [TS]

  utility area for storage and and laundry [TS]

  oh you're giving me a chubby I know what [TS]

  if you live in a Seattle San Francisco [TS]

  New in Manhattan like you know like oh [TS]

  my god what a dream that that would be [TS]

  to have your own dedicated Eric area for [TS]

  stuff that like wasn't the the living [TS]

  right now stuff that you could go down [TS]

  to play guitar [TS]

  oh my god what a dream you remember the [TS]

  split-level house did you ever live in a [TS]

  split-level uh I think I know what that [TS]

  means we're looking like a sunken living [TS]

  room in a ranch-style house [TS]

  no no no level with that were they both [TS]

  the parents have their own area while [TS]

  you walk in the front door [TS]

  let's split plan split split split plan [TS]

  split plan what plan is a very popular [TS]

  kind of design way but plans but plan so [TS]

  you got you got a middle area of the [TS]

  house [TS]

  we've got all the common rooms way over [TS]

  in this other side of the house you've [TS]

  got two or three bedrooms for dumb kids [TS]

  and then and then there's this wing over [TS]

  here we go down a hallway and you enter [TS]

  into this zone with a separate door for [TS]

  like your entire grown-up master living [TS]

  area so I like a separate zone right and [TS]

  she got a giant bc go into a door and [TS]

  you've got your giant giant closet maybe [TS]

  two closets you got a big bathroom and [TS]

  you got your big master bedroom maid [TS]

  with a sliding door in a wet bar that's [TS]

  a fantastic sounding thing but a [TS]

  split-level house sorry is one where you [TS]

  walk in the front door and you are [TS]

  immediately greeted by a choice [TS]

  upstairs or downstairs like the stairs [TS]

  sure the entryway is basically you're on [TS]

  a landing between [TS]

  going up and going down I totally know [TS]

  what you mean it's not exactly a [TS]

  townhouse it's kind of a classic like [TS]

  big city philadelphia is kind of place [TS]

  where you get this area the zone a [TS]

  common zone you come into we're like [TS]

  okay will you go down to the sleeping [TS]

  and hang out or like up to the kitchen [TS]

  in family area [TS]

  yes but no no this is a suburban house [TS]

  which is which is wider than it is deep [TS]

  so its wide it's it's it's it's built on [TS]

  the it's built on the the with when you [TS]

  look at it from the front there's always [TS]

  a there's always kind of a two-car [TS]

  garage and then the the Duke the front [TS]

  door is sets not in the very middle of [TS]

  the the face but sort of you know skewed [TS]

  over two-thirds front door is two-thirds [TS]

  in you know a classic proportion [TS]

  yeah sure you walk in and you either go [TS]

  upstairs to a big open plan living room [TS]

  and then there's a little dining room in [TS]

  the back and then a kind of long kitchen [TS]

  and then down the hall from the living [TS]

  room back over the two-car garage are [TS]

  like three to four bedrooms [TS]

  let's say three bedrooms ickk [TS]

  not-not-not brady bunch but like I kind [TS]

  of classic there's it's got a little [TS]

  pop-up yep now you're getting it [TS]

  okay get it sort of Brady Bunch was it [TS]

  was a very cool modern architectural the [TS]

  cool one example of this but it would [TS]

  have been in a neighborhood of these and [TS]

  then if you go downstairs there's a a [TS]

  big wreck room and probably another [TS]

  bathroom the laundry room and another [TS]

  bedroom and that is the fat that bottom [TS]

  bedroom is the 1i think that you put [TS]

  your teenager in or you're mother right [TS]

  it's the it's the one that's like it's [TS]

  not it's not part of you you can have [TS]

  the whole top floor be your house where [TS]

  everybody's living and hanging out but [TS]

  and that bottom big rec room can be your [TS]

  TV room then there's a back [TS]

  droom yeah and that's where first time [TS]

  where we kind of mutually agree we want [TS]

  that personal space [TS]

  yeah you go there there's a skill your [TS]

  own bathroom [TS]

  bottom floor of the split-level house [TS]

  pal and I lived in a split-level house [TS]

  right as I was transitioning into being [TS]

  a teenager and I couldn't have been [TS]

  happier that was circa ozzy osbourne's [TS]

  blizzard of Oz whoo-hoo [TS]

  and I I worked out a situation I i [TS]

  designed a system where I could sit in [TS]

  bed and I had a string that I could pull [TS]

  that went up to an eyebolt above my bed [TS]

  and then the string went across the [TS]

  ceiling to an eyebolt on the far side of [TS]

  the room and then down to the not for to [TS]

  the pullout knob that turned on my TV my [TS]

  goodness and my TV was you know like a [TS]

  little R it was red plastic TV there was [TS]

  a seriously about the size of one of [TS]

  these amazon boxes like a portable TV a [TS]

  portable TV that's right and so I could [TS]

  pull this I could pull out this the on [TS]

  button and course we only had three [TS]

  channels plus PBS [TS]

  yep and I would pull out i would pull [TS]

  the TV on and watch mel's diner and then [TS]

  I had a I had another rope another piece [TS]

  of string went up and turned on the [TS]

  light [TS]

  I have this whole system and in my [TS]

  bathroom i had a jar of Lipton's instant [TS]

  iced tea which I drank like 5 tall [TS]

  glasses of a day [TS]

  me too not realizing that it was full of [TS]

  caffeine i would take a pitch I would [TS]

  watch Carol Burnett and drink an entire [TS]

  picture that by myself wasn't that [TS]

  incredible stuff that Lipton's tea we [TS]

  would get the the Nestea and I was not [TS]

  easy all you do is add water and a [TS]

  picture with ice cubes and then you just [TS]

  you just drinking sugary tea for our [TS]

  trick and sugar tea i loved it i still [TS]

  have a jar of it in my pantry with [TS]

  I never touch i just have it there i [TS]

  have it in the pantry just to look at it [TS]

  and go like huh yep because i drank so [TS]

  much about me too and I was so happy you [TS]

  could make it there right in your room [TS]

  can make it in the room so so I had my [TS]

  own corner of the house and I had it [TS]

  rigged up exactly how I wanted it I [TS]

  there was a little desk where I could [TS]

  build my model of the USS Enterprise [TS]

  then I do not mean the fucking spaceship [TS]

  I mean the aircraft carrier ok and a boy [TS]

  will when people to think you're no no I [TS]

  was building the aircraft carrier [TS]

  actually which is cool and not the [TS]

  starship enterprise which was also [TS]

  instrumental Starship Enterprise you [TS]

  wouldn't have said USS enterprise would [TS]

  have said starship that's right i [TS]

  remember in 1900 this have been you know [TS]

  8081 I remember building a model of a [TS]

  b-52 bomber because in 1981 during the [TS]

  Reagan administration the b-52 bomber [TS]

  was slated to be retired and I and I was [TS]

  working hard on this model because i [TS]

  wanted to finish it before the b-52 was [TS]

  taken out of service and for those of [TS]

  you listening at home you know that the [TS]

  b-52 is still in service [TS]

  wow so I was in a big hurry in anyone to [TS]

  get this thing done because it was going [TS]

  to be replaced with the new the new b-1 [TS]

  bomber brand-new b-1 bomber Reagan [TS]

  administration was going to build a [TS]

  thousand of these of course right there [TS]

  was a big deal [TS]

  yeah and then it got it wasn't a good [TS]

  bomber and it and it didn't it got [TS]

  canceled but not cancelled that they [TS]

  built like you know however many of them [TS]

  and then they decided well we'll keep [TS]

  these b---fifty twos around i think the [TS]

  b1 bombers are still flying to the ones [TS]

  that we build our still fly anyway [TS]

  that's a little bit of an aside but not [TS]

  that this show ever has an aside [TS]

  god forbid but yeah the split-level [TS]

  house I it wasn't actually a basement [TS]

  you wouldn't call it a basement you [TS]

  would call it even though it was [TS]

  slightly subterranean right it was it [TS]

  was three feet of it was underground but [TS]

  a net but i miss that i miss that [TS]

  separate area [TS]

  I don't have that in my house i need a [TS]

  separate area [TS]

  oh my god be so nice and it's like no [TS]

  grown-up dads get again [TS]

  yeah again like like like the great mike [TS]

  brady the architect you know he had his [TS]

  den and he went in there to do is work [TS]

  at his table and you're supposed to bug [TS]

  him [TS]

  hmm you know that was dad's area you [TS]

  don't bug dad when he's in his den i [TS]

  think it's something else is fine so [TS]

  funny your pinpoint exactly a time in my [TS]

  life when I was very much the same way [TS]

  where I can I was always just trying to [TS]

  find a new Enclave and for some kids [TS]

  maybe that was a treehouse but for me [TS]

  that would be like I decided to one day [TS]

  like set up a second room for myself in [TS]

  our third bedroom we have a very small [TS]

  house but it was three bedrooms in this [TS]

  very small house and there was this one [TS]

  kind of junk room that had an old single [TS]

  bed in it but that's why would hang up [TS]

  the pictures of Charlie's Angels that I [TS]

  cut out of magazines and I had a [TS]

  separate radio in there when you were [TS]

  allowed or you felt empowered enough to [TS]

  just publicly hang up your Charlie's [TS]

  Angels posters [TS]

  yeah my mom worked a lot i was a [TS]

  latchkey kid so I could inhabit this [TS]

  room that's why I kept my copy of Emily [TS]

  Post's etiquette how all my almanacs I [TS]

  used Miss Manners myself [TS]

  yeah let Amy Vanderbilt and Emily Post [TS]

  didn't you ever read that i would read [TS]

  that a couple times a week you didn't [TS]

  read the Miss Manners book that first [TS]

  Miss Manners book had so many manners in [TS]

  it and she was a very funny writer she's [TS]

  she's underrated she's a very funny [TS]

  writer and she's funny writer and she [TS]

  she gave great advice and so my two [TS]

  books where Miss Manners guide to was [TS]

  this man's guide to something [TS]

  exquisitely correct behavior that's [TS]

  right that's right a for the first one [TS]

  and then the preppy handbook i love that [TS]

  Lisa Birnbaum yeah and I would pour over [TS]

  those two books and love the preppy [TS]

  handbook try to figure out exactly what [TS]

  the behavior was exactly what balance i [TS]

  was going to strike between this [TS]

  behavior the the polite and accepted [TS]

  behavior and the completely [TS]

  inappropriate behavior that was going to [TS]

  balance it out the program book was not [TS]

  precisely like an on the nose parody but [TS]

  i think it was fairly tongue-in-cheek [TS]

  but I didn't really treat it that way [TS]

  now I didn't even understand that it was [TS]

  meant as a joke until later right when [TS]

  somebody when i first learned that the [TS]

  preppy handbook was was a pair was like [TS]

  a was ironic i was a little bit taken [TS]

  aback and I played it off right the [TS]

  person was like all that looks hilarious [TS]

  and I said huh [TS]

  and they're like yeah that's like saying [TS]

  like it's um it's mocking perhaps and I [TS]

  was like oh haha yeah yeah of course [TS]

  yeah right my mocking brand that I kind [TS]

  of like walked away and I was like [TS]

  marketing perhaps I think you're [TS]

  describing something a lot of people too [TS]

  so I had that room I had a one-point we [TS]

  moved into a different place we had a [TS]

  well move to florida we had an addict [TS]

  with pull down stairs we had pulled on [TS]

  stereo really oh yes so that all of our [TS]

  christmas stuff all of our old stuff was [TS]

  up there but like at a certain point we [TS]

  really at that same time as a little [TS]

  older than you but not 1981 i started [TS]

  spending a lot of my time in the Attic [TS]

  that's so cool down the stairs i would [TS]

  get you pulled that you put on this door [TS]

  you know talk about right now oh yeah [TS]

  Cyril come out to your house and install [TS]

  this and so it was amazing and so this [TS]

  creaky door would come down you pull [TS]

  down these steps and then you could go [TS]

  up into the attic and I had made a space [TS]

  where I covered up some of the [TS]

  installation the beams again i move my [TS]

  books up there have a radio up there is [TS]

  some drinks up there probably not the [TS]

  most hygienic thing but like the same [TS]

  same pattern i would go up there and [TS]

  like inhabit the life that I wanted to [TS]

  have up there i would get a gentleman up [TS]

  there [TS]

  yep i have my own one-man teenage [TS]

  gentlemen's club now you've heard [TS]

  Hodgman described his house having you [TS]

  uh probably his parents his parents [TS]

  lived in a gigantic East Coast central [TS]

  Boston like one of those it's it's like [TS]

  it's like a brownstone but it was in [TS]

  enormous like to remember this he had a [TS]

  he gave him accommodations didn't they [TS]

  and he had his own apartment he had two [TS]

  rooms a bathroom and he was he was an [TS]

  only child and and very autonomous and [TS]

  he set it up even with like firms and [TS]

  huh [TS]

  he had a TV area with couches he had his [TS]

  I mean it was basically his own grown-up [TS]

  what he imagined to be his own grown-up [TS]

  a living space with the campus house [TS]

  would look like like like the cavity [TS]

  yeah exactly and then the then this now [TS]

  this house had room for borders who had [TS]

  their own apartments so like a dream I [TS]

  know can you imagine all right Merlin [TS]

  i'm i'm going to make a second cup of [TS]

  coffee here [TS]

  oh ok out so hard with this will give me [TS]

  a minute to talk about casper mattresses [TS]

  oh yeah let's do this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  in part by Casper to learn more right [TS]

  now please visit Casper calm / [TS]

  supertrain oh this is so very easy to [TS]

  understand you heard us talking about [TS]

  cats for just a minute ago just you see [TS]

  right over there [TS]

  caspere's company that offers and [TS]

  obsessively engineered mattress and a [TS]

  shockingly fair price and their [TS]

  mattresses are so good you might just [TS]

  leave it in the guest room and sleep on [TS]

  it just like a internet celebrity John [TS]

  Roderick cash mattress is a [TS]

  one-of-a-kind mattress it's a new kind [TS]

  of hybrid mattress that combines premium [TS]

  latex foam with memory foam that just [TS]

  the right sick and just the right [TS]

  balance the best of two technologies [TS]

  coming together for better nights and [TS]

  brighter days I have been used sleeping [TS]

  on this Casper is sort of God for over a [TS]

  year and I love it my lady friend and I [TS]

  sleep on it don't be creepy i love this [TS]

  thing so much i love the quality of the [TS]

  product i love the sleep that I get from [TS]

  it thank you but you know what even over [TS]

  a year after getting this thing I'm [TS]

  still just stunned at how easy this [TS]

  company is to deal with and that matters [TS]

  this entire process is so painless if [TS]

  you've ever tried to go in one of the [TS]

  junkie stores where you go and lay on a [TS]

  match for five seconds and decided [TS]

  that's how you want to spend a third of [TS]

  your life [TS]

  stop it nonsense ponderous the Casper a [TS]

  surprisingly small box maybe a little [TS]

  bigger than like a small file cabinet [TS]

  appears at your door you carry that up [TS]

  to your room by yourself [TS]

  and you just slide open this little bag [TS]

  with this little mattress in it the [TS]

  sudden becomes a very big mattress in [TS]

  the mattress exhales exhales inhales [TS]

  takes a breath it draws breath goes huh [TS]

  and now within minutes you have [TS]

  everything you need for a good night's [TS]

  sleep [TS]

  it's not easy it's that simple here's [TS]

  part that's nuts Casper has an equally [TS]

  simple risk-free trial and return policy [TS]

  so you can try sleeping on your Casper [TS]

  mattress for 100 nights and if for some [TS]

  reason it's not to your liking [TS]

  you can send it back that's free [TS]

  delivery painless returns made in [TS]

  America and sleep glorious sleep the [TS]

  prices for these things are so crazy [TS]

  five hundred dollars for a twin-size all [TS]

  the way up to 9 50 for a king on top of [TS]

  it all [TS]

  Casper has a limited special offer to [TS]

  listeners of Roderick on the line you [TS]

  get fifty dollars toward any mattress [TS]

  purchase a visit in casper calm / [TS]

  supertrain and using that offer code [TS]

  supertrain at checkout terms and [TS]

  conditions to apply our thanks to Casper [TS]

  for many a great night's sleep and for [TS]

  sporting Roderick on the line [TS]

  I'm kind of an expert on them but i want [TS]

  to hear about that more [TS]

  alright here we go make this thing i'm [TS]

  going to do it you go ahead with the [TS]

  Casper not all day after [TS]

  oh I seek making a lot it's a long pole [TS]

  0 to a long pull list do how are you [TS]

  I i define em bent pine to save it for [TS]

  the chef's you just leave all this in I [TS]

  got the Casper here somewhere [TS]

  well I mean yeah but this feels this you [TS]

  know skills a little bit and there are [TS]

  neither fish nor fowl is the show I mean [TS]

  I was gonna I was gonna be I was gonna [TS]

  give you a play-by-play on the phone [TS]

  when you can you can drop while you're [TS]

  making coffee to hear that nearly don't [TS]

  leave it all innocent ya know that [TS]

  sounds amazing i want one no and I want [TS]

  to pee [TS]

  I know that's my coffee being made in my [TS]

  own in my own mug now who how many [TS]

  people can say that I mean I guess [TS]

  anybody that works in an auto supply [TS]

  place [TS]

  yeah i mean i guess a lot of people have [TS]

  money [TS]

  eggs with their own business on them but [TS]

  not with their face on them now [TS]

  Oh what no disgusting what flavor you [TS]

  doing well so so with the Cure egg came [TS]

  like a sample pack [TS]

  uh-huh right sample pack of all the [TS]

  different flavors that you might want [TS]

  coffee [TS]

  yeah that's kind of what we got was kind [TS]

  of a strange collection get the fake [TS]

  dunkin donuts [TS]

  yeah you gotta like donut shop no at the [TS]

  donut shop donut shop here's what i got [TS]

  English breakfast tea which I don't want [TS]

  chai latte I don't want that [TS]

  nope hazelnut flavored something I do [TS]

  not want that eight o'clock the original [TS]

  medium roast coffee i'll probably use [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah swissmiss hot cocoa unlikely but [TS]

  maybe my kid will be here sometime and [TS]

  then these various things Breakfast [TS]

  Blend caribou blend starbucks starbucks [TS]

  dark Sumatra's all you need [TS]

  yeah that's a pretty good so and then so [TS]

  what so I didn't know what to do and so [TS]

  my mom went on the internet which is I [TS]

  mean she is that she is the 81 year old [TS]

  lady that loves the internet and and she [TS]

  bought me and like 80 of these from [TS]

  costco or no I'm sorry from office depot [TS]

  and they're all starbucks brand so i [TS]

  have to have coffee for days [TS]

  yeah and maybe one day I'll want a chai [TS]

  latte [TS]

  yeah it's worth a try ok so now i've got [TS]

  this cup of coffee it's it's very full [TS]

  because I got the long pole for sitting [TS]

  back down I've got my my to creamers [TS]

  that don't spoil and dad you make it [TS]

  dark you use the option to make it dark [TS]

  i prefer dark [TS]

  do you know the dingus to make it dark [TS]

  what's the dingus on China remember we [TS]

  have any stars in months because it's [TS]

  broken but uh what [TS]

  when you're on the screen and the [TS]

  interfaces think sucks but remember [TS]

  there's a section like once you drop the [TS]

  thing is like I yo you ready to bake off [TS]

  it now [TS]

  oh no mine doesn't have a screen no [TS]

  screen no mine is just a simple one that [TS]

  just is like it just has buttons and I [TS]

  was like three buttons [TS]

  do you want this no man that's [TS]

  attractive prices really never says you [TS]

  know we have a pretty small kitchen it's [TS]

  a big footprint like if you commit to [TS]

  this thing you're not gonna have other [TS]

  things around 10 this thing is just the [TS]

  size of a normal coffee maker is that [TS]

  right yeah it's just a little bit's just [TS]

  bigots and splits the size of a rugby [TS]

  ball if a rugby ball was shaped like a [TS]

  coffee maker like a coffee maker or like [TS]

  the matador for a port au port [TS]

  ok all right ok it's a rugby ball sized [TS]

  matador alright okay now this coffee [TS]

  looks good is it all this office pro [TS]

  might be an office pro I my eyelids this [TS]

  is a professional office that's a much [TS]

  smaller footprint [TS]

  yeah and i think and i hope that it [TS]

  breaks less easily argue it gets clogged [TS]

  it gets clogged it doesn't work you end [TS]

  up wasting those very expensive little [TS]

  buckets because it didn't run right yeah [TS]

  and so there's been lots of advice [TS]

  people on how to clean it we've cleaned [TS]

  it i think ours is defective and it's [TS]

  super disappointing cause it was pretty [TS]

  expensive [TS]

  yeah that sucks now what you used to be [TS]

  an advocate of the fizzy water maker [TS]

  yeah i still i select fizzy water mario [TS]

  maker i i i i got my problem is this is [TS]

  how my brain works like i'll be up to [TS]

  date and buying lots of those canisters [TS]

  the canisters are not inexpensive know [TS]

  i'm a big go to go through you do but it [TS]

  is in the end way less expensive than [TS]

  cans way less expensive and less [TS]

  wasteful but it's a lot of effort you [TS]

  gotta I drink a lot of sorts you do i do [TS]

  I mean I get at least over 12 pack of [TS]

  cells for a day [TS]

  now you used to drink coke right or [TS]

  something when I was a youngster I drink [TS]

  in the days of my attic days I would [TS]

  drink a lot of coke if you see the photo [TS]

  i sent you guys I found and sent you a [TS]

  photo of the Nestea that I remember from [TS]

  childhood with that green label [TS]

  oh that's exactly the Nestea with the [TS]

  green stripe ecap alburnett and so yeah [TS]

  I used to drinking like way too much [TS]

  coke it's really weird I can't I just [TS]

  can't even drink it today I got a [TS]

  Mexican cook twice a year and I'm glue [TS]

  is just this is too much [TS]

  I don't you know the next seven st had [TS]

  even more sugar in it i'll betcha [TS]

  oh for sure that misty was I can't even [TS]

  believe how much you know it was the it [TS]

  was that [TS]

  really eighties and they still were [TS]

  feeding kids garbage [TS]

  yes like like tang and and nasty in a [TS]

  jar [TS]

  I was just terrible terrible stuff but [TS]

  it seemed like I had nobody thought for [TS]

  a second about providing me a [TS]

  twelve-year-old or 13 year old with as [TS]

  much tea as much sugar tea as I could [TS]

  consume oh no no no i mean there was way [TS]

  more background sugar like today my [TS]

  daughter loves candy she loves chocolate [TS]

  all things chocolate and she will eat [TS]

  all the chocolate that's not good [TS]

  I wish that were habit we have not [TS]

  started but i still think I'm my god i [TS]

  still feel like it's nothing like what [TS]

  we had as kids between things like [TS]

  breakfast cereals things like powdered [TS]

  drinks only put it this way until I was [TS]

  in probably college I actively disliked [TS]

  drinking a glass of water but I didn't [TS]

  want me to do [TS]

  nobody i knew drank water i was sooo [TS]

  much water it seemed like like something [TS]

  like something you were being cheated [TS]

  yeah it's weird would be like you know [TS]

  be like having a machine that dispenses [TS]

  mana or something you like white why you [TS]

  haven't why would you have that why [TS]

  don't you have something real [TS]

  why don't you drink water drink water [TS]

  that you have it on the side and a [TS]

  little glass at dinner maybe but like I [TS]

  drink I water is my primary thing that I [TS]

  drink now and yeah she never did never [TS]

  did but the background sugar in [TS]

  everything I mean we would we went [TS]

  shopping and my mom was a good mom she [TS]

  but like she would just buy stuff like [TS]

  hostess cakes your strategies things in [TS]

  the house you go to leave a salon do you [TS]

  take lunch you just like have a twinkie [TS]

  like like like that's a thing you I [TS]

  didn't know this is gonna be this is [TS]

  gonna sound weird to you right this is [TS]

  this was along the lines of the fact [TS]

  that I don't eat potatoes potatoes at [TS]

  all you know this about me [TS]

  do I i do not nor have I ever eaten [TS]

  potatoes in any form this is like [TS]

  finding out you're gay or not gay [TS]

  this is huge you you you you you just [TS]

  you reject them [TS]

  I reject potato [TS]

  now i will eat mashed potatoes on [TS]

  Thanksgiving that are that have gravy on [TS]

  them [TS]

  sure and if i'm sitting at a table and [TS]

  someone is lauding some fries which is [TS]

  something people do right there like [TS]

  these are great fries or these are awful [TS]

  fries people talk about their fries they [TS]

  do talk about their fries and if i'm [TS]

  sitting at a table and somebody's like [TS]

  all these fries are amazing these are [TS]

  best fries [TS]

  I'll reach over and try fri but [TS]

  otherwise I have never ordered a french [TS]

  fry [TS]

  I've never heed I do not like potato [TS]

  chips in any of any kind i don't like [TS]

  hashbrowns I don't like at any kind of [TS]

  potato you don't need home fries black [TS]

  look I will put little russet potatoes [TS]

  in a stew that I'm making or maybe like [TS]

  a corned beef hash [TS]

  no I don't need a corned beef hash I [TS]

  will eat corned beef all day but a [TS]

  corned beef hash I've never I've never [TS]

  had a corn beef hash [TS]

  oh my god this is I feel like I'm [TS]

  tripping I don't want any kind of one of [TS]

  those breakfasts where it's all jumbled [TS]

  together with potatoes are servants or [TS]

  lid i don't i don't want one that would [TS]

  cover with white sauce i do not want [TS]

  potatoes [TS]

  Sam I do not want them sam-i-am moon no [TS]

  potato and this is that I never wanted [TS]

  them even when I was a little kid you go [TS]

  to a kids party and they throw potato [TS]

  chips at you through a cannon and you're [TS]

  like no thank you i do not want them I [TS]

  want one of those things that's not [TS]

  candy its like noodles or rice it's one [TS]

  of those things you can mostly depend on [TS]

  most kids to want to eat [TS]

  yeah right you and and the thing is in [TS]

  the world they will they will shove [TS]

  potatoes at you [TS]

  I mean you may not even notice it but [TS]

  when you're someone who doesn't eat [TS]

  potatoes which I have to say I'm the [TS]

  only one I've ever met but potatoes are [TS]

  given to you as as may be your primary [TS]

  starch option about sixty percent of the [TS]

  time [TS]

  oh yeah and i don't like them so do you [TS]

  have can I don't take it for game but [TS]

  did you Tiki trace back to with you as [TS]

  long as you can remember you've not want [TS]

  to pay you've rejected potatoes as long [TS]

  as you can remember the first potato I [TS]

  ever had i didn't i didn't like and I [TS]

  never liked to subsequent [TS]

  never look back and what they seemed [TS]

  like to me was a kind of grainy Greece [TS]

  holder right it was like it was it's [TS]

  actually it's actually a greased [TS]

  delivery device and salt grease and salt [TS]

  delivery device where the underlying [TS]

  substance it [TS]

  substance it [TS]

  as a sort of grainy buck that tastes [TS]

  like ma kore tastes like dirt [TS]

  it's a dude tastes like dirt it has the [TS]

  consistency of dirt and it's slathered [TS]

  with grease and salt is super [TS]

  interesting to me and so and even if [TS]

  you're even if they're fried to a crisp [TS]

  you can still taste that grainy dirt and [TS]

  then that no matter how much salt and [TS]

  fat you put on him [TS]

  I still taste mud so I so I mean I was [TS]

  four years old I was like I don't want [TS]

  potatoes don't give me those [TS]

  and the thing is that most people if you [TS]

  don't want potatoes they just take your [TS]

  potatoes or I think what it is is [TS]

  everybody recognizes the potatoes are [TS]

  garbage food so if they put potatoes on [TS]

  your plate you don't eat them they just [TS]

  throw him away like nobody ever says why [TS]

  didn't Jeter potatoes because everybody [TS]

  realizes it's just garbage ah it's pre [TS]

  garbage cause I I now okay i was looking [TS]

  for a while but now you're just talking [TS]

  crazy words it's like pre compost [TS]

  Bruce's so here that this is all in [TS]

  prelude to what I was about to say which [TS]

  is that I don't like twinkies yeah I [TS]

  like ding-dongs the the ding-dongs more [TS]

  like guys at the cupcake 110 it's the [TS]

  ding dong is wrapped in foil it's the [TS]

  size and shape of a hockey puck and all [TS]

  dying dong [TS]

  yes it's chocolate on the outside and [TS]

  whatever that lardy sugar fat it's real [TS]

  it's real thing is those yes i remember [TS]

  is but it's just barely any of its [TS]

  constituent parts it's just barely [TS]

  chocolate it's just barely cake and it's [TS]

  just barely a filling thing [TS]

  the chocolate is is largely wax it's [TS]

  very waxing the cake is also wax and the [TS]

  filling is just long it's just [TS]

  √≥leo with sugar yeah and i love them i [TS]

  love ding dong and that here's the thing [TS]

  those hostess cakes on the East Coast [TS]

  have different names that on the west [TS]

  coast yet we could people say yeah exact [TS]

  go ahead [TS]

  well Twinkies are the same uh-huh but [TS]

  then there they have different names for [TS]

  all the other stuff right yeah yeah I [TS]

  think it's one of those best food [TS]

  ailments type situations em right we [TS]

  give a different name on the east and [TS]

  west coast right [TS]

  and my experience was that the Twinkie [TS]

  was the potato chips of of large cake so [TS]

  if you were if you were gonna have one [TS]

  kind of of kids sugar large cake it was [TS]

  going to be a Twinkie [TS]

  oh yes singers front of singers yes [TS]

  singers you don't see this advertised [TS]

  during a charlie brown specials and they [TS]

  were like a little cake with a funny [TS]

  kind of like it's a vanilla cake with a [TS]

  creamy topping on them kind of like a [TS]

  kind of like a frosting you got Twinkies [TS]

  got cupcakes get donuts [TS]

  I do remember the tiny donuts i enjoyed [TS]

  a tiny donut now know what was the what [TS]

  was the one that looks like a Yule Log [TS]

  oh yeah I know what you mean is that oh [TS]

  ho so ho yo ho it with the other hostess [TS]

  Ho we didn't I mean I don't in my mind [TS]

  I'm thinking oh yeah yeah-hoo-hoo you [TS]

  use a rolled-up thing [TS]

  yeah we didn't use to get hohos very [TS]

  often that was more about that seems [TS]

  like something special going home [TS]

  this is horrible but I think it's also [TS]

  my mom will get her hair done [TS]

  I'd go to pony keg next door and get a [TS]

  chocolate milk and a couple of us that [TS]

  started it was a normal thing [TS]

  chocolate milk and a couple holes i want [TS]

  that now or I'm sorry a couple of of the [TS]

  so but this was this was the problem at [TS]

  as as I got older the amount of wax [TS]

  oh yeah went up and the size and and [TS]

  moistness of the ding-dong went down [TS]

  hostess snowballs afraid of us know [TS]

  below I would never eat us [TS]

  no snowballs that's totally not my [TS]

  wheelhouse snowball seems like an old [TS]

  lady food [TS]

  yeah so so let me just say my childhood [TS]

  was was kind of book and did and [TS]

  characterized by the fact that on one [TS]

  end I would not eat potatoes and on the [TS]

  other end I didn't like twinkies [TS]

  problems just like what is this what i [TS]

  want what kind of kid is this people [TS]

  would say that to me kind of kid are you [TS]

  right right you don't like the two great [TS]

  kids foods it's like saying you don't [TS]

  watch TV [TS]

  it's one of those things that doesn't [TS]

  even register as having it something [TS]

  sensible to you like oh no i'd rather [TS]

  just read quietly let you watch TV like [TS]

  that that's weird kids would come to my [TS]

  house and [TS]

  and knock on the door and say mrs. [TS]

  Roderick can John come out and play and [TS]

  my mom would come into my room and say [TS]

  hey a you know Todd and and Tony are [TS]

  here and they want to they want you to [TS]

  go out and play and i would say no [TS]

  thanks [TS]

  hello Wow mom would go back and say I [TS]

  John's busy and maybe he'll come out and [TS]

  play later and they'd be like oh ok and [TS]

  then they go play and I would just be in [TS]

  my room [TS]

  eventually they stop knocking yeah right [TS]

  i'd be in there just doing doing what I [TS]

  was doing doing looking at the house now [TS]

  I'm remembering as I look at these [TS]

  horrible things I would always unroll [TS]

  mine that was part of my ritual you know [TS]

  for any kind of food you like to have a [TS]

  ritual [TS]

  well yeah but I've never heard of that [TS]

  unroll your home unroll your ho ho and [TS]

  their character for the whole was happy [TS]

  ho ho who is a cylindrical Robin Hood [TS]

  character who is quivering he's passing [TS]

  I think that's East Coast only happy ho [TS]

  ho you get this captain guy who is a [TS]

  cupcake you get wind of course you [TS]

  remember Twinkie the kid of course [TS]

  yeah like the cowboy twinky twinky but [TS]

  uh will you send me some pictures of [TS]

  these hoes in their native environment [TS]

  yeah you do a google search on hostess [TS]

  hello OIC so you're not gonna send me [TS]

  the most are you sure yeah I'm a search [TS]

  for them is it didn't it when i send you [TS]

  things in the robot you don't respond i [TS]

  don't know if you got something here you [TS]

  pausing because I think you're confused [TS]

  you heard a bleep noise [TS]

  yeah that happened look at all these [TS]

  there's dig'em see some of these some of [TS]

  these are either later packaging or they [TS]

  are not that's not canonical oh now i'm [TS]

  remembering King dawn was king don was [TS]

  the mascot of the of the of the [TS]

  ding-dong [TS]

  I don't looks like you a little bit he's [TS]

  got a crown and a scepter and a big [TS]

  white mustache [TS]

  maybe that's what i liked about his King [TS]

  Don King Don mm I know although i did [TS]

  just watch that movie the big short and [TS]

  the fact that Brad Pitt looked like [TS]

  Angry me all right through the whole [TS]

  thing I was like he'll it just looks [TS]

  like me when I'm depressed and angry I [TS]

  thought I guess that Bruce Vilanch on [TS]

  shark tank not long ago [TS]

  stop saying Bruce Vilanch i would say [TS]

  that in three years [TS]

  damn it nothing you know what that does [TS]

  that just sets a bunch of people off and [TS]

  they all start sending me pictures of [TS]

  Bruce [TS]

  so mad so mad so i'm not against the [TS]

  idea of the keurig right now at work i [TS]

  do so i got this cuisinart pot that I [TS]

  like because it's got six buttons on it [TS]

  for different temperatures and it goes [TS]

  from what 60 175 185 all the way up to [TS]

  boiling so if you want to have all you [TS]

  know the green tea [TS]

  you're not gonna like singe it nice well [TS]

  why doesn't it just have a AG radiated [TS]

  knob [TS]

  oh I don't know that that's that's like [TS]

  from another generation a knob yeah [TS]

  you're telling me that they've done away [TS]

  with the knob I guess they have one that [TS]

  bespoke buttons work pretty great and [TS]

  it's super fast i haven't seen a knob in [TS]

  a long time on a thing you should talk [TS]

  to John Serkis about this because this [TS]

  is what drives him crazy about the way [TS]

  the toasters work let's say about toes [TS]

  hehe wants a knob [TS]

  he wants a great haha you know what I'm [TS]

  not going to get into it he wants a lot [TS]

  of things about two strands I don't want [TS]

  a toaster oven we had a either as a [TS]

  judge probably black & decker we had a [TS]

  black & decker toaster knows what I'm [TS]

  talking about being 10 we had a black & [TS]

  decker toaster oven when I was a kid [TS]

  that was probably the greatest i've [TS]

  never made you could you could make [TS]

  great toast in it you could make [TS]

  stouffer's uh french bread pizza in it [TS]

  for good [TS]

  you know plans were cut let me tell you [TS]

  another thing you may not know about me [TS]

  ya never had a toaster oven this is just [TS]

  too much for one day except wait a [TS]

  minute so no no potatoes toaster oven [TS]

  no toaster oven we didn't have one in [TS]

  the house it was there's another thing [TS]

  there's another thing you're very famous [TS]

  about what was the more your mom's gonna [TS]

  make you eat them and you wouldn't eat [TS]

  it was you have another food that you're [TS]

  dead set against well olives olives [TS]

  don't need all of you will have a [TS]

  muffaletta who think about a muffaletta [TS]

  ok working i got it [TS]

  yeah it's crazy right yeah yeah yeah no [TS]

  idea but you know my mom made me sit in [TS]

  front of some bowls of peas a couple of [TS]

  times where I didn't eat the peas and [TS]

  she was like that's what you're gonna [TS]

  have for breakfast then and I called her [TS]

  Bluff and then I had peas for breakfast [TS]

  cold peas and then I called her Bluff on [TS]

  that I cold piece for lunch and then in [TS]

  a sense that i started to cry [TS]

  oh you're looking at be boarded well [TS]

  have been at dinner cold peas and then I [TS]

  really was crying [TS]

  oh sheet you she stuck with that yeah [TS]

  she finally I would have crumbled after [TS]

  10 minutes she stayed with it that long [TS]

  no cold p she moved her day around to [TS]

  make sure you got piece that's right [TS]

  cold peas in front of me until I choked [TS]

  those cold Pease down [TS]

  gagging like theatrically gagging with [TS]

  every spoon of Colby's with her just [TS]

  sitting there you know just placid faced [TS]

  like eat the peas [TS]

  oh my behind using or you get no food [TS]

  so that's it not there's no other food [TS]

  you're going to get into these pieces [TS]

  are done this is this is a this is a [TS]

  dependency you need to get done [TS]

  yeah yeah what I was finding was same [TS]

  peas right it's not it's not she's [TS]

  putting out new Colby's it is that these [TS]

  pieces were once hot and they cool down [TS]

  and they're not going to get hot again [TS]

  you're going to see this bowl of peas [TS]

  until they grow a skin on them [TS]

  do you feel like what she will do you [TS]

  have a sense of what she wanted to [TS]

  accomplish and do you think she [TS]

  accomplished it [TS]

  I feel like Michaels with those things [TS]

  is like I was just an ink passing i find [TS]

  myself sometimes doing that I realize [TS]

  I'm doing it more out of anger than [TS]

  parenting know when I do things more out [TS]

  of anger tired whatever frustration than [TS]

  I am out of actually trying to make a [TS]

  point that's what I'm like what the fuck [TS]

  am i doing because mainly what she's [TS]

  gonna remember is I was really super [TS]

  mean an irrational about food [TS]

  well I concern so the irrational and [TS]

  mean about food like that was my dad [TS]

  right he came keep your legs that's it [TS]

  the eggs he didn't you didn't like the [TS]

  way he made the eggs made the eggs wrong [TS]

  and and I had and I cross my arms and [TS]

  said no way because I like my eggs [TS]

  sunny-side up [TS]

  you don't say that David Roderick and he [TS]

  made scrambled eggs and I was like no [TS]

  way I'm am i eating those weird eggs and [TS]

  he was like oh you're going to eat these [TS]

  eggs and we had a battle royale that [TS]

  involved everybody in the family and [TS]

  everybody in the neighborhood about the [TS]

  freaking scrambled eggs so he and i [TS]

  would have showdowns like that over chow [TS]

  mein we would have showdowns like that [TS]

  over up just a lot of thing was it was [TS]

  it was probably because like he made his [TS]

  certain way and you didn't like the way [TS]

  he made it or so here's the crazy thing [TS]

  he made macaroni and cheese according to [TS]

  the directions on the box 8 quarts of [TS]

  water into needs eight quarts of water [TS]

  to make macaroni and cheese and [TS]

  therefore it's at four cores 4 quarts of [TS]

  water that's it four quarts of water and [TS]

  half a stick of butter so the macaroni [TS]

  and cheese sauce would be this like just [TS]

  butter sauces and so I remember when I [TS]

  was living with my dad and he man oh [TS]

  here's the other great thing I may have [TS]

  talked about this before our cabin mom [TS]

  will know who but he would make the [TS]

  macaroni and cheese so I get this he [TS]

  would make the macaroni and cheese sauce [TS]

  for kraft dinner now [TS]

  yeah in a separate pot he would prepare [TS]

  the sauce and then pour the sauce on the [TS]

  noodles when they were did that harm the [TS]

  performance characteristics of the kraft [TS]

  dinner [TS]

  oh absolutely but he didn't know any [TS]

  better because he was following the [TS]

  instructions on the box and the first [TS]

  thing about kraft dinner is you know [TS]

  follow the instructions first rule of [TS]

  kraft dinner club bought first rule is [TS]

  you just put a little bit of butter in [TS]

  there a little bit of milk a little bit [TS]

  of sauce and then you get that nice like [TS]

  sticky [TS]

  yeah that's different i think it feels [TS]

  fancier to make it separately [TS]

  oh yeah that's right he was like I'm [TS]

  gonna make your craft dinner but Don [TS]

  it's like opening a can of chef boyardee [TS]

  spaghetti and meatballs and like and [TS]

  like putting a salad on the plate was [TS]

  gonna say that's a little bit like [TS]

  making somebody boiling bag stouffer's [TS]

  like you know a piece stroganoff and [TS]

  look at porn a bunch of fucking truffle [TS]

  oil on top [TS]

  yeah right that don't do that i don't [TS]

  want that don't mess around and I was [TS]

  like I actually called my mom in Seattle [TS]

  long distance and said mom how do you [TS]

  make macaroni and cheese because dad is [TS]

  doing it wrong and she said oh here's [TS]

  the secret you think his mom my mom will [TS]

  make me kraft macaroni and cheese with [TS]

  water right not even clip milk in it [TS]

  yeah and with the with just a little bit [TS]

  of butter and a little bit of salt and I [TS]

  was like oh my God thank you know my mom [TS]

  was doing that because she was a frugal [TS]

  and be a like crazy or or not crazy but [TS]

  just like your mom has read it strikes [TS]

  me that your mom has reasons why she [TS]

  does most things even if we don't know [TS]

  what that is I think your mom seems to [TS]

  me that she has a reason for almost [TS]

  everything [TS]

  yeah i think what she understood was [TS]

  that the powder the powder cheese what [TS]

  had once been cheese and all that had [TS]

  been taken out of it was the wall [TS]

  ok and so all you needed to do was [TS]

  reconstituted with water [TS]

  ok and it would have all the [TS]

  characteristics of cheese which had what [TS]

  she presumed it had once been she didn't [TS]

  realize that it was orange food coloring [TS]

  and dust and and iced tea mix it was it [TS]

  she she understood it to be cheese and [TS]

  all it needed was and if you put a [TS]

  little milk in it that was sort of a [TS]

  luxury like sure go ahead help yourself [TS]

  so that was a big big contention between [TS]

  me and my dad I think what my mom was [TS]

  trying to do at a certain point was to [TS]

  say you know what enough and as a parent [TS]

  I don't know I don't know where that [TS]

  line is yet it was kind about the food [TS]

  was more about like no she just makes [TS]

  needs to make a stand here m is that was [TS]

  just about anything is the MacGuffin [TS]

  that but it's really more about like no [TS]

  you're not gonna you're not gonna do [TS]

  that you're not going to dictate what [TS]

  food get served [TS]

  yeah you're not you're you we are done [TS]

  with you just arbitrarily deciding that [TS]

  you're gonna you're gonna throw a wrench [TS]

  into the spokes of my road bike as I [TS]

  pass you it trying to be friendly [TS]

  yes trying to be friendly to your [TS]

  Italian bike team and you put your bike [TS]

  pump in the spokes of my wheel about the [TS]

  cutters talking about the cutter sense [TS]

  right [TS]

  she said enough I'm making my stand now [TS]

  and it is over cold Bowl apiece and [TS]

  here's the here is the here is the bad [TS]

  part are you ready yes this happened on [TS]

  Easter gosh this bowl appease happened [TS]

  on Easter and we had just graduated to a [TS]

  thing where the easter bunny was not [TS]

  hiding the eggs anymore because we knew [TS]

  that there was no Easter Bunny and what [TS]

  we were able to do is the kids could [TS]

  hide eggs for each other and then find [TS]

  the eggs and then the next kid got an [TS]

  opportunity to hide the eggs for each [TS]

  other and my mom's boyfriend had five [TS]

  kids so that was like their eight kids [TS]

  at this party everyone hiding eggs for [TS]

  each other and then [TS]

  it was hide-and-go-seek with eggs and I [TS]

  was sitting at the dining room table in [TS]

  front of a cold bowl of peas and so the [TS]

  kids were actually hiding eggs around me [TS]

  they would come into the dining room and [TS]

  they would hide eggs around me hide eggs [TS]

  is there this is complicated [TS]

  they were hiding eggs for each other on [TS]

  my it right around me [TS]

  well I'm saying they're crying over a [TS]

  cold Bowl appease it was it was truly [TS]

  like a it was it is cinched in my memory [TS]

  yeah and this is one of those things [TS]

  that if my school my mom listen to this [TS]

  podcast periodically and then she comes [TS]

  to me and she says that's not how it [TS]

  happened and I say you have a selective [TS]

  memory about things about instances [TS]

  where you were standing in my closet [TS]

  stomping on my toys have them and now [TS]

  she has gia had equal time for that just [TS]

  didn't do it now she denies it [TS]

  completely and she says that's not how [TS]

  it happened [TS]

  here's how it happened and then she [TS]

  tells some story that it is not at all a [TS]

  true story [TS]

  she said some species of bananas stuff [TS]

  about how I was a bad kid or something [TS]

  she was great mom she never laid a [TS]

  finger on me I struggle to try and make [TS]

  the right point because it is is in all [TS]

  honesty trying to make the right point [TS]

  gets so clouded by all the different [TS]

  layers of being inside my own head and [TS]

  combined with trying to do the right [TS]

  thing but like I find it very difficult [TS]

  to know you know here's the thing it's [TS]

  like this is like Buddhism like what if [TS]

  everything's going well in life program [TS]

  is this you know but some mail you don't [TS]

  think about how things are going until [TS]

  they're not going well so we can have [TS]

  the most perfect in the world but then [TS]

  like if it gets towards you know it's [TS]

  bath time and it's time to stop doing [TS]

  whatever the fun thing is now whether [TS]

  thats watching TV or video games or [TS]

  drawing or reading or whatever now it's [TS]

  time to do the next thing this [TS]

  transition times are you know that's [TS]

  where things are tough and like I find [TS]

  myself this is not interesting no one [TS]

  cares but like I find myself really [TS]

  struggling with like okay what's the [TS]

  point that i want to make here is the [TS]

  point that i want to make that you're [TS]

  not gonna push me around [TS]

  wow that's a really weird point to make [TS]

  you're supposed to be the adult here is [TS]

  the point that like sometimes we have to [TS]

  do things we don't want to do is the [TS]

  point here that you know there's this I [TS]

  and I just have to be very careful that [TS]

  I not get emotional before I understand [TS]

  what the point is because it's it's very [TS]

  easy [TS]

  if you especially if you take something [TS]

  personally and especially especially if [TS]

  you don't realize you're taking it [TS]

  personally [TS]

  it gets ugly and stupid fast and I end [TS]

  up apologizing and saying that was [TS]

  really silly i'm not sure why i was so [TS]

  short with you but that was wrong and [TS]

  that's when the tears really come is now [TS]

  apologizing oh you'd never do that [TS]

  well the other day she stomped her foot [TS]

  at me [TS]

  we were out in we're out in public and i [TS]

  said here's what we're gonna do next and [TS]

  she said that's not what I want to do I [TS]

  want to do this and I said well we can't [TS]

  do that because we're we have to do this [TS]

  we have to do this other thing we have [TS]

  to go in this direction because of [TS]

  reasons and she turned put her hands on [TS]

  her hips like little fists on her hips [TS]

  and stomped her feet at me and said no [TS]

  daddy [TS]

  what about you dad and I said with a big [TS]

  smile on my face don't you stop your [TS]

  feet of me you don't stomp your feet at [TS]

  me i am daddy and I don't get feet [TS]

  stomped at me and she's just at the age [TS]

  she's rather still at the age where I [TS]

  can say that and she puts that into her [TS]

  function machine and she goes oh I [TS]

  didn't realize that you don't stomp your [TS]

  feet of daddy but yeah that I've that [TS]

  doesn't work for that that right and [TS]

  that's what I could see that already [TS]

  when you use now you've made some kind [TS]

  of little encoding trail in her brain [TS]

  you may never be able to take back [TS]

  well and so I am so I don't know what [TS]

  I'm doing here right like you don't stop [TS]

  your feet daddy and so what that what [TS]

  that means is that i would she use that [TS]

  when she's 30 [TS]

  well and she's so i could see it going [TS]

  in our head like what that means is a [TS]

  you do stomp your feet and other people [TS]

  and daddy is a special case and be daddy [TS]

  thinks you don't stomp your feet at him [TS]

  which I will accept now because the [TS]

  because it's unclear what the results [TS]

  will be if i do right that's still on [TS]

  she's still unsure exactly what daddy is [TS]

  capable of and so but there will come a [TS]

  day when she goes oh yeah let's see [TS]

  let's see what happens if we stop your [TS]

  feet daddy [TS]

  uh-huh and then I don't know what I'm [TS]

  gonna do what do you do [TS]

  it's already I've already laid down the [TS]

  law you don't stomp your feet daddy and [TS]

  I did with a big smile on my face [TS]

  because I thought it was cute as hell [TS]

  when she's stomping your feet of me of [TS]

  course whether little fists on our hips [TS]

  but now what do i do when she stops her [TS]

  feet daddy and I say you don't stop your [TS]

  feet daddy and she does it again [TS]

  I don't know what I'm gonna do i totally [TS]

  agree here's the other one like for [TS]

  example if your kids real little I mean [TS]

  this is like so we've never we've never [TS]

  hit our kid we're not a hitting family [TS]

  but like the one way that i can [TS]

  understand like a smack on the butt for [TS]

  example is like don't run into traffic [TS]

  like I need to make an impression on you [TS]

  about something that just happened so I [TS]

  don't think you have to go hitting but [TS]

  like there are times when a kid is when [TS]

  you are not able to communicate the [TS]

  complexity of why we don't run into the [TS]

  street where you just need to make an [TS]

  impression i do think that that probably [TS]

  it could be wrong Street we're getting [TS]

  you'll get email about this don't you [TS]

  but they're getting people to tell us [TS]

  how we're doing this wrong especially [TS]

  they don't have kids but I but it [TS]

  sometimes you need to make that [TS]

  impression the trouble is first of all [TS]

  that only works for so long and then it [TS]

  becomes what I worry about is it becomes [TS]

  that like something like what I don't [TS]

  want to have that turn into is if things [TS]

  don't go his way [TS]

  dad gets mad mhm what like so what is [TS]

  the point that i want to make there is [TS]

  the point there that like that's your [TS]

  being unkind right now or you're not [TS]

  you're not listening to how your [TS]

  feelings are making you you know be [TS]

  right now like what is one of my sage [TS]

  piece of advice at that amounts to you [TS]

  don't stop your feet daddy I don't know [TS]

  so where do you think she learned the [TS]

  stomp [TS]

  oh I you know I imagine that the stop is [TS]

  partly in a tin her and partly she's [TS]

  going through a phase right now where [TS]

  she's she's real I mean she's always [TS]

  bossed everybody but she's really [TS]

  doubling down on like a know right she's [TS]

  just no to everything and [TS]

  you know my my goal at this point is [TS]

  really not i'm not i don't believe that [TS]

  she has the capacity to understand well [TS]

  even her feelings and so i'm not going [TS]

  through the process yet of uh of being [TS]

  too complicated in explaining or Orion [TS]

  reasoning with her so that she [TS]

  understands you know so that she comes [TS]

  out the other side in better touch with [TS]

  her reality i'm i am at the stage of [TS]

  like you don't stomp your feet daddy [TS]

  which is just as new to you too [TS]

  yeah it's just what it is it is just a [TS]

  rule it's just a it's just a way of [TS]

  saying enough right you're the you are [TS]

  not the boss and there are a lot of ways [TS]

  that you are trying to assert that you [TS]

  are the boss and there are some realms [TS]

  in which you are the boss like I give [TS]

  you lots and lots of things where lots [TS]

  of situations where you are absolutely [TS]

  the boss you decide but there are things [TS]

  that you don't decide right and you will [TS]

  end [TS]

  what where we're going to eat dinner is [TS]

  not a thing that you decide will take [TS]

  your input but in the end that's going [TS]

  to be something that mom decides you do [TS]

  not decide about crossing the street and [TS]

  you don't decide what we're gonna do [TS]

  next if daddy says we can't do this we [TS]

  have to go to that like because reasons [TS]

  you don't decide and your input is in [TS]

  these matters is that you know there [TS]

  will come in a purely advisory role [TS]

  right and and the thing is I am I [TS]

  feeling about it even before she was [TS]

  born I side well I talked about this at [TS]

  length with in my family was that every [TS]

  birthday and in and now that we've [TS]

  established that there are such things [TS]

  as half birthdays and fucking quarter [TS]

  birthdays which I don't know that didn't [TS]

  i didn't that mean that I don't think [TS]

  that's a thing John that didn't come [TS]

  from me I I established the precedent of [TS]

  half birthdays and i immediately [TS]

  regretted it but then she learned that [TS]

  in addition to have their half of a half [TS]

  was a quarter and she was like it's my [TS]

  quarter birthday and I was like my [TS]

  quarter birthday is coming up and I was [TS]

  like oh my god [TS]

  I've never heard of that your quarter [TS]

  birthday she was like yeah don't I get a [TS]

  cupcake on my quarter birthday and I was [TS]

  like okay I just was I you know she's [TS]

  young quarterback days i don't know i [TS]

  established as a precedent and now I'm [TS]

  sure she's 16 years old she can be like [TS]

  it's my corner birthday but i did say in [TS]

  advance of her even being born that [TS]

  there that she should be accorded new [TS]

  rights and privileges as a as a birthday [TS]

  present [TS]

  so now you are seven and you get to pick [TS]

  the following you get to you are now [TS]

  empowered within the family to be this [TS]

  have these new rights and [TS]

  responsibilities so that she'll just so [TS]

  that she thinks of every birthday not [TS]

  just as a time when she gets presence [TS]

  but as another masonic level in her path [TS]

  to being a 33rd degree Mason but mainly [TS]

  mainly wanting more rights and [TS]

  responsibilities [TS]

  well right but but but trying to impart [TS]

  to her that [TS]

  here are your new rights and here are [TS]

  your new responsibilities so that the [TS]

  two things go hand in hand [TS]

  so now you can dress yourself without [TS]

  arguing with your mom and you can wear [TS]

  whatever you want but that means that [TS]

  you put your clothes in the laundry when [TS]

  you get undressed at night huh [TS]

  good luck you know well but you know [TS]

  this is the thing and if you do if you [TS]

  do not perform the responsibility than [TS]

  you then the right is returned [TS]

  understand I understand I don't believe [TS]

  me I understand [TS]

  yeah oh I know I know and we're but [TS]

  Wilson you know we'll see if mrs. the [TS]

  thing about like don't stop repeated [TS]

  daddy and it may just be that that this [TS]

  up what I don't understand is what the [TS]

  consequences are [TS]

  I know I know and if if she's like oh [TS]

  I'm gonna keep dressing myself but i am [TS]

  not going to put my clothes in the [TS]

  laundry then I don't know whether she [TS]

  sits in front of a cold Bowl appease or [TS]

  all of her clothes disappear in the [TS]

  night and all that's left is the white [TS]

  boiler suits from the earliest [TS]

  incarnation of the police [TS]

  let's go you should your gas lighter you [TS]

  know where she just wakes and I had [TS]

  nothing to do with that but that's just [TS]

  life to did that to you there's just six [TS]

  boiler suits and it's like hey baby [TS]

  there it is you know [TS]

  mirror in the bathroom and so I don't [TS]

  know I mean daddy does have significant [TS]

  power significant power to change actual [TS]

  reality where she comes from [TS]

  I did this once to my dad he away for [TS]

  two days on vacation with his girlfriend [TS]

  and while he was gone I painted the [TS]

  walls of his house yellow [TS]