Roderick on the Line

Ep. 192: "King of Tahiti"


  this set is the show this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is sponsored by [TS]

  cards against community this week they [TS]

  asked James T green to help say hi to [TS]

  john overcome [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John hi Moreland how's it going [TS]

  mmm mmm it's so good to be back [TS]

  oh you're sick i belittle sick you right [TS]

  you're still sick [TS]

  it was a it was a bad one it was a it [TS]

  was a virus has snuck past see I got a [TS]

  flu shot wasn't a flu virus it was a [TS]

  other virus no mystery virus that snuck [TS]

  past every all of my defenses and then [TS]

  conned me into thinking it was just a [TS]

  normal cold for a couple of days [TS]

  oh my my battery won't start my family's [TS]

  in the car down here to interview for a [TS]

  job [TS]

  yep yep exactly hey classic fan belt my [TS]

  fan belt fuckinf and I got a fan belt [TS]

  right here to prove it also must be a [TS]

  teacher right so it's one o'clock in the [TS]

  morning and i'm usually once again I [TS]

  story seemed like a nice virus your [TS]

  cleaner articulate sure come on in [TS]

  yeah so I had a little sore throat a [TS]

  little stuffy nose and then in the [TS]

  middle of the night I was a hundred and [TS]

  four degrees and then I was freezing [TS]

  cold and then I was honored for degrees [TS]

  and I was like this is no normal cold [TS]

  man and then I had a fever for three [TS]

  days and then I went to the doctor [TS]

  oh shit i don't do know and I was like [TS]

  you gotta be kidding me with this [TS]

  let me guess you told you you had a [TS]

  virus but dr. it was a she and she said [TS]

  you have a virus and she said with us [TS]

  like a smirk on her face like she knows [TS]

  you're sure it's yeah she was like ya [TS]

  know you're sick are ya good you came to [TS]

  the doctor [TS]

  yeah happens sometimes you good thing he [TS]

  came it is a good thing you came because [TS]

  it could have been something worse and [TS]

  that's why we ordered all these tests [TS]

  but she did an amazing thing she hooked [TS]

  me up to an IV and gave me a whole bag [TS]

  of what is probably you know radon [TS]

  medical benefits medical grade right on [TS]

  yeah but a plump me right back up and I [TS]

  was like oh I was dehydrated in addition [TS]

  to being all these other things feverish [TS]

  and me shitting me the actually [TS]

  connected connected you up to a bag just [TS]

  the old me up with what saline and they [TS]

  need [TS]

  better i felt better i mean i didn't [TS]

  feel great no no but I mean I would do [TS]

  anything to not feel terrible [TS]

  yeah just get hooked up to a bag once in [TS]

  awhile and feel better that was the [TS]

  thing i SAT there and I was like can you [TS]

  throw some vitamin b12 in that too and [TS]

  whatever else give me some of that shit [TS]

  that Kennedy had all the Kennedy shit [TS]

  the addison yes fighter [TS]

  yeah give me the give me the Hitler shit [TS]

  in the Kennedy shit and I'll go out and [TS]

  run for president [TS]

  anyway so I'm on the mend but here's the [TS]

  here's the caveat which is that i may [TS]

  explode into a coughing fit that no one [TS]

  wants to hear and as you know i don't [TS]

  have a cough button so if it happens I [TS]

  don't know whether you can insert some [TS]

  hold music or cut it out or whatever it [TS]

  is the I think it could probably guess [TS]

  what i'm gonna do i'm just gonna listen [TS]

  listen politely [TS]

  oh but it's so this is a very real cough [TS]

  that I have right now which is a which [TS]

  is a cough where I am I'm off-gassing [TS]

  right examples insurance it's not gas i [TS]

  am yeah i'm i'm usin xing it's [TS]

  productive cough it up that's exactly [TS]

  right it's a productive cough so i'm not [TS]

  sure that our listeners around the world [TS]

  are prepared for what it sounds like [TS]

  when someone in seattle offloads yeah [TS]

  you guys think these umbrellas [TS]

  yeah offload some of that moisture that [TS]

  i collected when they put me on a bag I [TS]

  realize you're in a vulnerable place [TS]

  right now this is too philosophical of a [TS]

  question feel free to secure it going on [TS]

  I'm just curious i know you like to [TS]

  avoid you know intoxicants strategy for [TS]

  purposes of intoxication you don't even [TS]

  generally like to take cold medicine [TS]

  true [TS]

  Howard is saline from a Mad Max bag what [TS]

  does that fall on your spectrum of [TS]

  acceptable things to bring your body you [TS]

  know this is a very good question [TS]

  because I'm very [TS]

  in toxicants I don't partake of because [TS]

  they are they present a risk to me I [TS]

  feel [TS]

  mhm whereas a bag of ceiling it's [TS]

  unlikely enough that i'll have a that i [TS]

  befriend or street friend that knows how [TS]

  to put an IV in and has a bag of saline [TS]

  or can make it available and it didn't [TS]

  make me feel that amazing it was just [TS]

  like oh shit that what that's like I [TS]

  just drank six cups of water [TS]

  alright if you're still part of this is [TS]

  dehydration when you get not even all [TS]

  that [TS]

  yeah you're just like I don't want to go [TS]

  downstairs and drink water and shivering [TS]

  I'm just so you and then everybody says [TS]

  you gotta keep hydrated got to keep you [TS]

  hydrated [TS]

  it's like I'm fine I'm fine but I had [TS]

  I'd run down so I i'm ok with i'm ok [TS]

  with sailing but this is one of those [TS]

  this is a deeper question I think you're [TS]

  asking is kind of a deeper question [TS]

  because yeah go ahead but I i think [TS]

  there's two things at least two parts to [TS]

  it with you [TS]

  mmm and it started out as one and became [TS]

  another winning first watch want to say [TS]

  I think the idea that max bags terrific [TS]

  idea i think he did the right thing I [TS]

  think even you put some vitamins in [TS]

  there I don't think that's so bad right [TS]

  what I hear you saying is there is a [TS]

  time when substances were trouble for me [TS]

  and I know to avoid certain i [TS]

  deliberately deliberately ingesting [TS]

  something to make me feel very different [TS]

  on whatever level so obviously this [TS]

  nonsense i also think there's something [TS]

  to it it's more from your like your [TS]

  Alaskan stock which is you're like I [TS]

  want to see if I can do this whole thing [TS]

  without the epidural like I want to see [TS]

  I don't even want something even if it's [TS]

  something that's been nine even if it's [TS]

  a placebo don't want to placebo because [TS]

  i could think I could do without right [TS]

  and and you know if I were a woman I [TS]

  know that and I were pregnant I know [TS]

  that I would want to have the baby the [TS]

  old-fashioned way and screaming that's [TS]

  right screaming and habits or ruin my [TS]

  body as it happens because that's how [TS]

  God intended [TS]

  haha and there are plenty plenty of [TS]

  people that I respect very much they're [TS]

  like are you crazy [TS]

  if you have a caesarean section you can [TS]

  schedule the moment the baby arrives [TS]

  go to the hospital go to sleep and when [TS]

  you wake up there's a baby there and [TS]

  everything was monitored and it is in [TS]

  your you know and you did not get split [TS]

  in half by a giant bubble of fat huh [TS]

  um and and that makes perfect sense to [TS]

  me and it is like that technology is [TS]

  here why do why not employ it but i but [TS]

  I still personally would not find that [TS]

  convincing because I would think that in [TS]

  the experience of having a kid there [TS]

  would be some mystery that i would [TS]

  unlock some lasting reverberation in me [TS]

  and the kid that couldn't be duplicated [TS]

  if nothing else you might always wonder [TS]

  what it would have been like yeah and i [TS]

  think the cesarean people are like yeah [TS]

  uh-huh okay well i think i can handle [TS]

  imagining what are you know you're [TS]

  pining for what it was like but I you [TS]

  know I was healed in two days and and [TS]

  could walk fine immediately and you know [TS]

  so forth and so on so there are all [TS]

  kinds of arguments like why don't you [TS]

  use the most current technology why [TS]

  haven't i got LASIK surgery for instance [TS]

  walking around with glasses they no [TS]

  longer really work for me because my [TS]

  eyes are becoming dried-up little corn [TS]

  husks why wouldn't I years ago i've [TS]

  gotten it gotten gone and gotten laser [TS]

  surgery uh-huh and you know there's a [TS]

  there's a there's a part of me that [TS]

  feels like what if I'm trying to be an [TS]

  astronaut and they're scanning me to see [TS]

  if I am one of the genetically pure and [TS]

  I see some kind of got Academy don't [TS]

  think they go oh we've detected in [TS]

  cyborg technology [TS]

  yeah we've seen that you shaved your [TS]

  eyes and if you have to [TS]

  save your eyes that means you're not one [TS]

  of the one of the goods could be [TS]

  something as simple as you can you can't [TS]

  handle the your eyes couldn't handle the [TS]

  pressure of takeoff or it could just be [TS]

  you know what you're not really up for [TS]

  this if your eyes shaved you should be [TS]

  should be done in the commissary [TS]

  well that's the thing it's just the [TS]

  nature of the fact that your eyes were [TS]

  miss shapen means that you are [TS]

  genetically inferior right that because [TS]

  the the perfect the perfect aren't [TS]

  perfect now of course if they're [TS]

  measuring that type of thing they would [TS]

  recognize my eyes were misshapen already [TS]

  and besides i'm 47 I'm not gonna be an [TS]

  astronaut but it but it's that lingering [TS]

  sense of like don't modify your closer [TS]

  to having your ashes shot on the canon [TS]

  essbase than you are to getting to ride [TS]

  and take off [TS]

  yeah i'm i'm hoping that one of our [TS]

  listeners who works for NASA will name a [TS]

  star after me but that was in control he [TS]

  was keeping that one in control i added [TS]

  some great [TS]

  oh thank you so there's that and that [TS]

  you know and that extends to like I [TS]

  don't have any tattoos obviously but I [TS]

  can't argue with anybody that does but [TS]

  then we get into the category of [TS]

  elective surgery which is akin to the I [TS]

  shaving but like where is the word is [TS]

  the line on elective surgery lay for me [TS]

  and or lie i just know which is which [TS]

  one would you use in that situation i [TS]

  always i used the wrong one entire which [TS]

  we're with the line lie [TS]

  yes we're with the line lie and you're [TS]

  talking about an entire spectrum of [TS]

  different kinds of like so what kind of [TS]

  surgery which is if we don't take out [TS]

  your gallbladder and there's like an [TS]

  eighty percent chance you'll die in the [TS]

  next month [TS]

  who and I kind of non-elective you [TS]

  really know you [TS]

  we have the technology we can do this [TS]

  your chances of living and having a good [TS]

  life are better if we do this surgery [TS]

  right it's over here right when you get [TS]

  them wet very very far far far far far [TS]

  end of the spectrum washing in trouble [TS]

  for this [TS]

  yeah but you've got like a re-up of [TS]

  something like Botox yeah or you've got [TS]

  you know like reflect freshening up a [TS]

  plastic eggs [TS]

  listing plastic surgery who and then all [TS]

  along the way on the spectrum you got [TS]

  all kinds of things where you got stuff [TS]

  like you know if there's certain kinds [TS]

  of surgery you know sometimes when you [TS]

  go into these especially going to like [TS]

  these certain kinds of doctors with an [TS]

  orthodontist or you go into a a what's [TS]

  the what's the what's the doctors to the [TS]

  face surgery plastic surgery like more [TS]

  plastic surgery then looking like a cat [TS]

  lady look like that could be like we we [TS]

  help you after a mastectomy to have like [TS]

  you know what bus line that you can be [TS]

  happy with there's all kinds of things [TS]

  and plastic surgery that go way beyond [TS]

  just like I'm a horrible person from Los [TS]

  Angeles but sometimes I think what they [TS]

  will do is they will also get your car [TS]

  fixed it's like hey you know as long as [TS]

  we're pulling the engine we probably [TS]

  want to look at a couple other things [TS]

  too because we're not gonna pull the [TS]

  engine that many times and there's some [TS]

  things where you may not need it but we [TS]

  could do it as a precaution you see [TS]

  where I'm going with this since we're in [TS]

  there anyway so for instance like my [TS]

  teeth don't fit together and the doctors [TS]

  have been telling me for years that the [TS]

  first thing they wanted to do [TS]

  from the time I was 17 they're like we [TS]

  gotta break this kids jaw and reset it [TS]

  in a different place so his teeth [TS]

  together and I was like even at the time [TS]

  I felt like that seems crazy they're [TS]

  like no no it's very routine we just [TS]

  break your jaw and move it back and fit [TS]

  your teeth together and then we you know [TS]

  saw some part of your job and put it [TS]

  back together you phrase it like that it [TS]

  sounds you know we see it as break your [TS]

  jaw it sounds like you know Lu's gonna [TS]

  come in and give you a good stock to the [TS]

  to the face yeah but it's like cut both [TS]

  sides of your John take some part of it [TS]

  out but it's serious you know I have a [TS]

  person very near and dear to me in my [TS]

  life who had a procedure yeah yeah and [TS]

  there was it's a its enormous and a huge [TS]

  deal [TS]

  it felt like a huge deal that's exactly [TS]

  right and then as I got older they [TS]

  started saying that i granted to they [TS]

  kept every dentist was like oh we got it [TS]

  we got to cut your jaw in half and move [TS]

  it back and I was like yeah yeah and [TS]

  then I started talking to some some oral [TS]

  surgeons who are like no no we don't [TS]

  break your jaw move it back anymore [TS]

  what we do is we cut off your upper [TS]

  palate [TS]

  yeah entirely we cut your hole we saw [TS]

  your top layer of teeth [TS]

  off completely from your skull and move [TS]

  them forward we move your top teeth [TS]

  forward so they fit with your bottom [TS]

  teeth because what happened was not that [TS]

  your jaw grew too much which is what we [TS]

  thought had happened but it was the top [TS]

  of your that's that seems really extreme [TS]

  the top of your mouth face failed to [TS]

  grow enough it seems like mowing your [TS]

  lawn by making the neighborhood move [TS]

  around under your house [TS]

  oh I mean really doesn't that seem even [TS]

  more extreme [TS]

  I don't know break into saw your jaw or [TS]

  cut the top of your head off i mean i [TS]

  don't know i don't a bit of both things [TS]

  seem crazy [TS]

  yeah but what they were saying was that [TS]

  it would it would make my teeth fit [TS]

  better together which would which would [TS]

  increase the longevity of my teeth [TS]

  because right now the way they fit [TS]

  together i'm slowly grinding them apart [TS]

  and i'm going to grind my face apart [TS]

  until it's just a soul patch touching a [TS]

  nose and at every opportunity I've said [TS]

  I don't don't want more performant even [TS]

  say chin he said soul back just a soul [TS]

  patch tickling your nose [TS]

  hey guys however harbor I didn't want it [TS]

  and you heard the new fastball you know [TS]

  the last time I talked to dentist about [TS]

  it i was 46 and I said I'm 46 imap [TS]

  weight of the goal line and they were [TS]

  like you're gonna need those teeth [TS]

  I was like yeah i know but i'm hoping [TS]

  that technology somewhere along the line [TS]

  can give me aluminum teeth your teeth [TS]

  that are made of Plexiglas that have [TS]

  little goldfish swimming in them or [TS]

  something cool [TS]

  who r I don't have to you don't have to [TS]

  saw either part of my face and they just [TS]

  shrug and go well that's what we do and [TS]

  I'm like exactly that's what you do [TS]

  right it's a failure of your imagination [TS]

  that's why you drive a porsche 911 [TS]

  because you saw people spaces in half [TS]

  I don't see it as a necessity but when [TS]

  the guy said he was going to move the [TS]

  top of my face [TS]

  forward I did have a thought which was [TS]

  that is gonna make my mustache look very [TS]

  cool [TS]

  oh because it's gonna push my mustache [TS]

  out a little bit and I've always felt [TS]

  like what now that you mention it I've [TS]

  always felt like that my top the area [TS]

  between the bottom of my nose in the top [TS]

  of my lip was a little too small i had [TS]

  always I'd never I guess I had never [TS]

  thought of it that way [TS]

  you didn't because you really know [TS]

  you're introducing something very [TS]

  interesting here which is really truly [TS]

  thinking about your face as having three [TS]

  dimensions right kind of this instead of [TS]

  saying like oh here's a here's a rough [TS]

  drawing of an oval with some dots on it [TS]

  uses a three-dimensional thing you're [TS]

  talking about adding architectural [TS]

  e-learning more bioavailable mustache [TS]

  surface so we hit so what happened was [TS]

  from a young age I wanted a mustache [TS]

  when I was 17 I wanted a mustache and of [TS]

  course God realized that this was [TS]

  something I wanted and God was going to [TS]

  deny this to me because that's the [TS]

  mysterious way that God works it's true [TS]

  he wants to put obstacles in front of [TS]

  you in order to you know test team and [TS]

  so I have studied men's mustaches over [TS]

  the years very closely and all the most [TS]

  ashes that you'd like the Tom Selleck's [TS]

  of the world if you look at Tom Selleck [TS]

  he has an enormous area between the [TS]

  bottom of his nose in the top of his lip [TS]

  it's a fucking soccer field you are [TS]

  you're changing the whole way I think [TS]

  about mustaches and you're filling in a [TS]

  lot of holes for why mustaches look [TS]

  weird sometimes [TS]

  yeah so he's got this huge areas got [TS]

  this big mustache it looks great and [TS]

  then you start looking at men's faces [TS]

  and you say uh this area between the [TS]

  bottom of the nose and the top of the [TS]

  lip is a very crucial area for men to [TS]

  look trustworthy and capable if you look [TS]

  at door but the Greek he's got a big [TS]

  area there like all the guys that you [TS]

  instinctively go how this guy is going [TS]

  to handle things thinking about thinking [TS]

  about Sam Elliott Samuel it's got a huge [TS]

  area [TS]

  he's got a huge area which can [TS]

  accommodate eight a frankly enormous [TS]

  mustache you the future [TS]

  tried to grow a what-do-you-call-it area [TS]

  between your lips in your nose and the [TS]

  top of your hunger under knows your mind [TS]

  your mustache holder moustache if you're [TS]

  you know what I mean the conveyance the [TS]

  budget motherfucker your-your-your [TS]

  trough you got you got you got your hair [TS]

  trough under your nose if that is even [TS]

  just on my gosh it's just my co meters [TS]

  too small you're not gonna be able to do [TS]

  too much with that and so gonna be like [TS]

  one of those guys you can't really grow [TS]

  a beard but keep trying to grow up here [TS]

  and you're like you just feel like a [TS]

  gray stop doing that [TS]

  yes so I so my whole my whole young life [TS]

  21 24 26 I got a big huge beard I got a [TS]

  big beard shaped face and I've got this [TS]

  little teeny little you know like hand [TS]

  strap this little blonde sort of wispy [TS]

  little moustache that's in an area too [TS]

  small to contain a mustache and there's [TS]

  nothing you can do about that nothing I [TS]

  can do about it and so all of all the [TS]

  great mustaches [TS]

  I was just like yeah you know Rob [TS]

  Delaney the comedian if you look at Rob [TS]

  Delaney he's got a huge nose trough huge [TS]

  mustache trough doing Rob Delaney is a [TS]

  famous TV show right guys on some [TS]

  british TV show I look at that guy look [TS]

  at that money is a handsome guy [TS]

  well see and how much of that handsome [TS]

  this is just that area [TS]

  yeah so they're talking about this [TS]

  enormous song of my face to get my teeth [TS]

  fitting together better which seemed to [TS]

  me to be a completely like it's just up [TS]

  a Porsche conveyance for these for these [TS]

  doctors because they're just they're [TS]

  sitting in those conferences in in las [TS]

  vegas where all but all the oral [TS]

  surgeons get together and they're saying [TS]

  what's a new thing that we can do i tell [TS]

  i totally agree i hate to admit this but [TS]

  I and then the problem is i argue with [TS]

  our friend John syracuse about this [TS]

  because I honestly I don't have any way [TS]

  of being able to judge when they're just [TS]

  saying some shit vs giving me life [TS]

  saving advice [TS]

  it is indistinguishable they never give [TS]

  you a percentage esta [TS]

  how much what they're saying might be [TS]

  totally might be total bullshit that [TS]

  only makes sense for a little while they [TS]

  could be fucking Theodoric of York for [TS]

  all I know [TS]

  yeah well and this happens at [TS]

  universities all the time right at [TS]

  somebody gets up and they give a paper [TS]

  they write a book and they're like what [TS]

  if X was why what if blue was orange and [TS]

  if it if it makes sense then everybody [TS]

  suddenly he's like well x is why blue is [TS]

  orange and so a dentist gets up at a one [TS]

  of these conferences and gives a [TS]

  presentation a TEDTalk where he's like [TS]

  one time I saw the guy's face in half [TS]

  and moved his teeth around and boy the [TS]

  results were amazing [TS]

  he never had any problems after that and [TS]

  then all of a sudden everybody in the [TS]

  room is convinced that is that that's a [TS]

  key surgery a key thing that as that [TS]

  makes modern life better and we need to [TS]

  like we need to encourage people that [TS]

  have this problem i think half the [TS]

  population their teeth put together [TS]

  right one [TS]

  she's got so much feeling about this [TS]

  because I mean there are the kinds of [TS]

  things but you're talking about the tea [TS]

  thing having been around this in my [TS]

  household is that there's more to it [TS]

  than my teeth don't fit together even in [TS]

  the case of my daughter she's got [TS]

  retainers because her teeth are going to [TS]

  come in we're in a way that's about way [TS]

  more than whether she can be a model [TS]

  where we are going to be an impact there [TS]

  could be there's all kinds of things [TS]

  that can happen get TMJ you get all [TS]

  these different things that can happen [TS]

  so you know you want you want to nip [TS]

  that in the bud sure if you are if you [TS]

  have to know on whale blubber in order [TS]

  to survive a winter you can make it you [TS]

  know what those teeth to be strong [TS]

  certainly you can advocate for Wales um [TS]

  yeah and then yeah that's so but my [TS]

  thing was how so all of a sudden I was [TS]

  considering this surgery in part because [TS]

  so many dentists had recommended it but [TS]

  now suddenly him part because it was [TS]

  potentially going to increase my [TS]

  mustache area now i'm listening and so [TS]

  then I had a crisis right like a like a [TS]

  like a conundrum like a like a serious [TS]

  sort of spiritual crisis how much of [TS]

  this now am i considering as an elective [TS]

  surgery [TS]

  Oh am I going if somebody said hey we've [TS]

  got a new surgery that expands your [TS]

  mustache [TS]

  area i would say that's ridiculous but [TS]

  what if I get this necessary tooth [TS]

  surgery that just coincidentally expand [TS]

  my mustache area so only I know until [TS]

  until now when i'm reporting it to [TS]

  everyone [TS]

  well sort of like you were you know like [TS]

  you introduced me to hydrogen peroxide [TS]

  in your early days you would use that [TS]

  you know as a surfactant and as a [TS]

  mouthwash as a debriding agent but also [TS]

  as a way to deal with your allergy to [TS]

  yourself you remember you discovered as [TS]

  a side effect of that you also got super [TS]

  cool blonde hair out of it move it was [TS]

  wasn't a similar uh black dark night of [TS]

  the soul for you it was and you will [TS]

  notice that I don't ever put hydrogen [TS]

  peroxide on my head anymore didn't know [TS]

  you could do it right now [TS]

  that's right not because I didn't like [TS]

  the blonde hair that it gave me but [TS]

  because i know that it will do that and [TS]

  so doing it now even to counteract the [TS]

  fact that my body is trying to kill [TS]

  itself seems like secretly I would be [TS]

  doing it in order to go [TS]

  oopsie i got blond hair which I don't [TS]

  you know like this is the thing with [TS]

  taking cold medicine it's like oopsy now [TS]

  I'm hi what can I do about a better have [TS]

  more cold medicine is good for me [TS]

  yeah i'm sick i need cold medicine and [TS]

  then you know that i'm i'm i'm riding [TS]

  across America on the back of a [TS]

  motorcycle with some guy named Steve so [TS]

  that's not what I want right now and so [TS]

  all these things it's like how much are [TS]

  how much of those secondary repairs that [TS]

  follow upon a quote-unquote necessary [TS]

  surgery you know what he how many [TS]

  decisions are getting made in that gray [TS]

  space uh-huh so and there are elective [TS]

  surgeries that are intentionally [TS]

  augmentative and then there are electric [TS]

  surgeries where you know like for [TS]

  instance my second toe is longer than [TS]

  the first two makes you smart [TS]

  well yeah it means I'm descended from [TS]

  Russian royalty [TS]

  no kidding well it means you're smart i [TS]

  means you're smart because you're [TS]

  descended from royalty and everyone [TS]

  knows they're the smartest QED right [TS]

  so excuse me not wrong [TS]

  mm-hmm I'm so let's say rather than [TS]

  taking pride in the fact that my second [TS]

  toe is longer than the first which i do [TS]

  because i have somewhat of a set of [TS]

  prehensile feet of monkey says a monkey [TS]

  toes which enable me to grab and peel an [TS]

  orange with my toes that's an adaptation [TS]

  that's nice to have no I know what [TS]

  people are self-conscious about their [TS]

  monkeytoes I feel like that's a mitzvah [TS]

  well see this is the thing I feel like [TS]

  having a little Donald Trump Towers [TS]

  nobody wants those but let's say blue [TS]

  but let's say you are somebody who looks [TS]

  down at your feet and says oh they are [TS]

  grotesque and misshapen if there were [TS]

  surgery and perhaps there is to have [TS]

  your second toe shortened or all your [TS]

  toes short but it's really [TS]

  and here's the funny thing about that [TS]

  second toe longer thing if you look at [TS]

  my feet you realize it is the first toe [TS]

  which is too short [TS]

  it's not that the second toe is longer [TS]

  it's the big toes too small [TS]

  that's how that's how all the second to [TS]

  longer people get away but that's not [TS]

  mine band [TS]

  yeah if your if your big toe was long [TS]

  enough you'd have normal-looking feet [TS]

  that will not you don't want a big tits [TS]

  too long that you know that thumb [TS]

  well if my big toe as long as long as my [TS]

  second toe it would look like it would [TS]

  not only look like a thumb it would [TS]

  function as a thumb and i would not be [TS]

  living here people are just brothers at [TS]

  the same time be I would be in Tahiti I [TS]

  would be king of tea and that sounds [TS]

  pretty good i wish that might so let's [TS]

  say there's an elective surgery that [TS]

  shortens my second toe to make my feet [TS]

  look normal yeah or an elective surgery [TS]

  that in long gates my big toe so that i [TS]

  can become king of Tahiti yeah which one [TS]

  of those acquits with my idea of of what [TS]

  you know personally which one would [TS]

  equipped with my sort of validity needs [TS]

  given that they are both a kind of [TS]

  elective cosmetic surgery which one is [TS]

  would keep you sure to your to your [TS]

  final form [TS]

  who write but when you describe the [TS]

  palate slicing technique that sounds [TS]

  more like we're going to move all four [TS]

  toes that aren't your second toe and [TS]

  pull them out and make them longer [TS]

  mhm boil the ocean model for teeth you [TS]

  know [TS]

  yeah yeah well I'm so many elective [TS]

  surgeries are so so to take this to a [TS]

  wired magazine place which I know you [TS]

  and I like to do because we thought [TS]

  leaders are technologists how many [TS]

  articles of you read in Wired magazine [TS]

  about enhancement drugs that are going [TS]

  to make you better faster stronger [TS]

  you're going to be creating apps while [TS]

  you sleep [TS]

  this was a hot topic in the late [TS]

  nineties right and I dipped I dipped one [TS]

  of my perfectly normal-sized toes into [TS]

  this topic a little bit which is smart [TS]

  drugs to this day I continue to take a [TS]

  version of smart drugs for things [TS]

  oh well they have less of an impact [TS]

  because if they're having to fight off [TS]

  you know me [TS]

  right right but there was a time when [TS]

  this is a very hot topic i feel this is [TS]

  like a wired magazine post rave future's [TS]

  so bright I gotta wear shades thing [TS]

  where you're going to be able to create [TS]

  your own personal cocktails putting it [TS]

  too clearly but cocktail of different [TS]

  drugs that would enable you to to be [TS]

  your your best self is your best self [TS]

  not with the goal of intoxication or [TS]

  enlightenment but just basically what [TS]

  unlocking potential that's otherwise [TS]

  difficult to access the whole business [TS]

  of like the only use ten percent your [TS]

  brain business which is not true but [TS]

  let's but but a lot of those wired [TS]

  magazine think pieces let's call some of [TS]

  them think pieces some of them were just [TS]

  reportage and some of them were were [TS]

  think pieces start out with coverage on [TS]

  a scene move his coverage of the smart [TS]

  drug scene that's right we've heard [TS]

  about let's talk to some of these people [TS]

  that's kind of where we are right now [TS]

  people want to be robots there's a [TS]

  largest general coverage of like oh I've [TS]

  got this thing like a hard thing on NPR [TS]

  which is like the wired of the 2010 mom [TS]

  of a guy who has a thing that he has an [TS]

  Augmented antenna for his head to help [TS]

  you see colors because he's colorblind [TS]

  oh so you know I'm i support that people [TS]

  razem I guess he looks like an [TS]

  anglerfish like a female anglerfish [TS]

  people rise [TS]

  my body's got a henna that helps them [TS]

  see colors oh and it's necessary that it [TS]

  be an antenna it's not a it's not a [TS]

  thing where he was like can you make [TS]

  that look like an antenna because i am a [TS]

  no it's not a glamour I say anything but [TS]

  don't know but no you're right that's [TS]

  what starts and then you get into the [TS]

  whole like I think he gets into the only [TS]

  going to the first person reportage like [TS]

  I tried taking piracy them from want to [TS]

  see what happens right then of course [TS]

  you get into the double thinks the the [TS]

  tricky three-part turn american life [TS]

  version of like do smart drugs really do [TS]

  anything [TS]

  whoops they do it's not what we expected [TS]

  whoops twist again right and that and [TS]

  the twist the ultimate twist is always [TS]

  if you don't take smart drugs are you [TS]

  gonna be able to keep up [TS]

  yeah are you going to be are you going [TS]

  to be competitive [TS]

  are you gonna be still working on your [TS]

  first app when the people at your school [TS]

  who weren't even as smart as you write [TS]

  are already making their sixth or [TS]

  seventh app right are you still working [TS]

  on your first TED talk when you know [TS]

  when the little kids are still sketching [TS]

  it out while this guy down the street he [TS]

  got a couple shots of saline back in [TS]

  2002 and now look where he is yeah he's [TS]

  done he's done like six tedtalks he's [TS]

  got venture capital funding he's got an [TS]

  app that makes apps you know everything [TS]

  you know and you're in you're sitting [TS]

  there with your dick in your hand [TS]

  wondering if you should if you should [TS]

  make something for the blackberry [TS]

  yeah he said Nicholas he's sitting at a [TS]

  cosmodrome somewhere getting ready to be [TS]

  blasted up to the ISS yeah right [TS]

  Darth Vader helmet put on for which he's [TS]

  paid for with the fuckin petty cash [TS]

  right and you are driving around in a [TS]

  Honda Civic trying to figure out evil [TS]

  what a nap is you gotta like 30 MW you [TS]

  do you can't even trade your fucking [TS]

  three-year-old BMW for a new BMW you see [TS]

  this one leaving the leads are weak you [TS]

  are weak believe you are wanting to even [TS]

  set the time on a Rolex I don't even [TS]

  know how you do it i think you need a [TS]

  second rolex someone to two-factor [TS]

  authentication you have the role you [TS]

  send the Rolex back [TS]

  yep this is visit there's a very small [TS]

  large fee for sending in the Rolex a set [TS]

  the time [TS]

  they send it back but they give you a [TS]

  loaner rolling to make sure that the [TS]

  time still correct Johnson just taking a [TS]

  minute to cough oh you sound like you're [TS]

  getting better [TS]

  whoa oh oh oh yeah that was great that [TS]

  was uh yeah that was like it was like a [TS]

  trout was living in my lungs [TS]

  oh and now he's not there anymore huh [TS]

  he's in a tissue on the table I think [TS]

  tattoo removal is gonna be huge [TS]

  well could be huge people have been [TS]

  saying tattoo removal is going to be [TS]

  huge for 20 years right [TS]

  I told you the story about the guy who [TS]

  had his who had his arms covered with [TS]

  the like hot rod racing tattoos [TS]

  the man's ruin tattoos and the tumbling [TS]

  dice and the the naked devil girl [TS]

  surrounded by a halo of flames and I I [TS]

  told you this story don't tell me again [TS]

  know not everybody listen to every [TS]

  episode and i was i was with them at a [TS]

  party and somebody's like we need [TS]

  somebody to go on a beer run and I was [TS]

  like it you got a car and he said yeah I [TS]

  was like all right let's go let's go to [TS]

  the beer store i think you know partly i [TS]

  picked a more pointed them out because I [TS]

  was like this guy's gonna have the hot [TS]

  rod of all time [TS]

  oh right he's got checkered flag cross [TS]

  checkered flags on his forearm we get [TS]

  out to his car and it's a 92 toyota two [TS]

  wheel drive pickup man i was like got in [TS]

  the Cardinals really disappointed and I [TS]

  couldn't help but say something I was [TS]

  like so what's the story man you got [TS]

  this Toyota hear you always a place [TS]

  hotrod tattoos to race motorcycles [TS]

  there's like no so do you have a hot rod [TS]

  somewhere no did you ever know [TS]

  so what's what's what's with the [TS]

  hydrogen's like well this one used to be [TS]

  a dancing bear and this one used to be [TS]

  you know Pooh they're all cover-ups this [TS]

  one was Winnie the Pooh flying a [TS]

  yin-yang flag [TS]

  and this one over here was a fucking [TS]

  smiling sun and this one was you know [TS]

  Jerry's hand missing a finger and I was [TS]

  like you are fucking kidding me you had [TS]

  a hippie tattoos all over and now you've [TS]

  got hot rod tattoos covering the Marlins [TS]

  look you and I said what are you gonna [TS]

  do when heart tattoos are the hippie [TS]

  tattoos of the two thousands because the [TS]

  nineties are going to make the sixties [TS]

  look like the fifties and he was like it [TS]

  hadn't even occurred to him right and [TS]

  that turns out I was wrong [TS]

  hotrod punk-rock hotrod tattoos never go [TS]

  out of style [TS]

  he had fucked up the first time and [TS]

  gotten hippie tattoos and then he [TS]

  decided he didn't want to live in that [TS]

  in the rarefied air of rainbow [TS]

  gatherings and now he was he'd gone hot [TS]

  rod and I'm sure he's still very happy [TS]

  with those but uh but I people have been [TS]

  saying tattoo removal tattoo removal but [TS]

  I don't see it [TS]

  I just see more and more tattoos all [TS]

  that are you think it's like virtual [TS]

  reality like we're just going to keep [TS]

  hearing about it like every three to [TS]

  five years [TS]

  well I've never really gonna get pay [TS]

  it's just like moms and people that [TS]

  didn't get tattoos constantly wanting to [TS]

  be vindicated [TS]

  uh-huh because to a certain minority but [TS]

  i don't know if it's a minority but i [TS]

  think i guess probably still the [TS]

  majority but to a certain group of [TS]

  people take a moral stand on tattoos and [TS]

  they keep wanting to be vindicated right [TS]

  be all you're gonna be sorry you're [TS]

  going to be sorry and all the people [TS]

  with tattoos continue to not be sorry [TS]

  and there are plenty of people out there [TS]

  who have aged to old age and died [TS]

  already [TS]

  who had tattoos the entire time and [TS]

  we're not sorry a little bit well yeah [TS]

  maybe I don't immoral in my case but I [TS]

  mean part of it also is like there's [TS]

  never is never a good day to be 75 and [TS]

  go what the fuck did I do well yeah but [TS]

  I this is the weird thing [TS]

  what I have discovered in my long [TS]

  travels is that there are people who do [TS]

  not have a regret right i want to hear [TS]

  this but all the reason I mention this [TS]

  because my dad who let you know passed [TS]

  away and making sense [TS]

  before he had a tattoo removed oh what [TS]

  was he when he's in Korea got an [TS]

  ill-advised tattoo with the name of his [TS]

  den fiance and his mother on it he was [TS]

  drunk one night in tokyo on leave who [TS]

  and got a tattoo [TS]

  it's like the worst cliché of all time [TS]

  and he was not my mommy loves him he's [TS]

  like I got to get this got to get this [TS]

  removed i don't remember ever having [TS]

  seen it but i guess i don't remember [TS]

  exactly when he goes before I would have [TS]

  cognizance of the these kinds of things [TS]

  and apparently the lake late sixties [TS]

  early seventies version of to having a [TS]

  tattoo removal was not pretty [TS]

  no I think they put us they put a [TS]

  grinder on you it was I mean of the [TS]

  accounts that I've heard from my mom it [TS]

  was just ridiculously unpleasant I guess [TS]

  I so part of what i'm saying is yeah I'm [TS]

  like to use whatever who cares but what [TS]

  I'm saying is like also it like think [TS]

  about a world where getting a tattoo [TS]

  removed is eighteen ninety percent [TS]

  ninety percent effective for most kinds [TS]

  of tattoos that are colors that I heard [TS]

  colors are really hard but color and [TS]

  kind of things not going to well you [TS]

  knows what is that from i know that [TS]

  colors is colors colors colors so I [TS]

  could die for your life when you shotgun [TS]

  scatters the fort apache the bronx ilysm [TS]

  colors colors [TS]

  no I see I stigmatize te and but imagine [TS]

  if we got to wear like you still get a [TS]

  tattoo and commit to it but that doors [TS]

  not closed forever [TS]

  let's say it's about as hard as John [TS]

  getting his teeth adjusted you go down [TS]

  to the bartells and you get it done or [TS]

  or somebody have salsa has two saw your [TS]

  face [TS]

  well i'm thinking like what if it's [TS]

  enough we go again that's sure if I want [TS]

  to do this and but let's say something [TS]

  is really awful like save a tattoo or [TS]

  something where like for any variety of [TS]

  reasons like you know something outside [TS]

  of your control like swastikas on your [TS]

  knuckles Bill Cosby tattoo [TS]

  let's say you gotta to the cause hmm so [TS]

  even though i think we can all still say [TS]

  he is easily one of the great stand-up [TS]

  comedian of all time I don't know if I [TS]

  want my face [TS]

  mhm mhm know yet reasons at that point I [TS]

  see what you're saying well you know [TS]

  there are a lot of people I know and you [TS]

  know who have one tattoo right like [TS]

  Hodgman i hope i'm not giving anything [TS]

  away here I don't think I am [TS]

  he's pretty open about Hardman has one [TS]

  tattoo Wow one tattoo which is a which [TS]

  is an inexpert tattoo not quite a prison [TS]

  tattoo put clothes which is up on his [TS]

  shoulder and it is of a diamond tiny [TS]

  blue diamond with little raise i guess [TS]

  i've never seen him shirtless it's a [TS]

  tiny little thing that he doesn't he has [TS]

  an explanation for it doesn't buy [TS]

  clothes around displaying it for example [TS]

  no no it'sit's in the pits in a personal [TS]

  area that you wouldn't see unless you [TS]

  had seen Hodgman without a shirt on and [TS]

  he I think spend a great many years [TS]

  where he avoided that opportunity for [TS]

  most people here is like most nerdy [TS]

  Radecki sure yeah that's right- you know [TS]

  for years I would go swimming with [TS]

  Hardman and he would swim in an outfit [TS]

  back into a nineteenth-century swimming [TS]

  costume which is perfectly in character [TS]

  also look at like Gibson Girl going to [TS]

  the bloomers canada didn't bloomers but [TS]

  you know like a like a like an [TS]

  old-fashioned weightlifters costume idea [TS]

  with the curly mustache caliber and like [TS]

  like a weight lifters costume but so he [TS]

  has this tattoo and the thing is it is [TS]

  it is absolutely ridiculous tattoo but [TS]

  he's not ashamed of it he owns it [TS]

  because it represents that moment in [TS]

  time right and I think there are a lot [TS]

  of people that have one tattoo who for [TS]

  whom it represents a moment in time and [TS]

  they wouldn't have it removed even if [TS]

  they could because there it is right [TS]

  it's there [TS]

  look at it they say that yeah I was tore [TS]

  me um but I wonder if you could just go [TS]

  to bartells and get my that's not an [TS]

  advertisement for bar teleport tells [TS]

  John oh oh I'm sorry well now in that [TS]

  case it isn't [TS]

  advertisement for party drugstore to the [TS]

  drugstore in that started in seattle and [TS]

  my dad in the in the twenties was a [TS]

  delivery boy for bartels he would people [TS]

  would order stuff from the pharmacy my [TS]

  dad would go in his knickers and his [TS]

  lace-up boots that he needed a little [TS]

  hook to lace up my goodness he would [TS]

  ride his bike to the bartells they put [TS]

  the stuff in a basket in the front of [TS]

  his bike and he would run this way he [TS]

  was the he was the delivery boy for the [TS]

  chinatown Jeff japantown neighborhood so [TS]

  he would race around and take little [TS]

  bags of predicaments in 28 he said he [TS]

  would go into these chinese tall's which [TS]

  are like secret societies and there'd be [TS]

  all these people in smoke-filled room [TS]

  playing mahjong then he would walk [TS]

  through with his little with his little [TS]

  newsboy cap and his knickers and he [TS]

  would go and knock on a door in the back [TS]

  and they would open it there'd be all [TS]

  these guys in a really smoke filled room [TS]

  and he would hand handle paper bag to [TS]

  one of them filled with who knows what [TS]

  and he would give my dad a couple of [TS]

  coins and he'd go ride his bike back to [TS]

  the bar tells my dad would tell these [TS]

  stories endlessly and it's why it's why [TS]

  does it happen that like your canonical [TS]

  drugstore now so bartels is like all [TS]

  over Seattle and you can go to a rite [TS]

  aid or what's the other one yes or [TS]

  longer and walgreens right the walgreens [TS]

  where they come into a neighborhood and [TS]

  they plop down there [TS]

  quote unquote signature architecture [TS]

  with their little hammer or pestle and [TS]

  mortar and pestle and mortar pestle it's [TS]

  a hammer and pestle that that was the [TS]

  Soviet flag with the hammer and pestle [TS]

  yeah so bartels is our homegrown store [TS]

  here and and you know my dad has a [TS]

  connection to it so that that makes it [TS]

  again i will i will advertise for free [TS]

  for them and if they ever got to remove [TS]

  their you gonna put your blessing on [TS]

  that well but that's what I wonder I [TS]

  wonder if let's say at some point in [TS]

  your early twenties you got a giant [TS]

  tattoo on your neck of the Virgin Mary [TS]

  not because you were Catholic but [TS]

  because a giant tattoo of the Virgin [TS]

  Mary on your neck looked rad to you [TS]

  because you like drive like jehu and [TS]

  then at a certain point you're like I [TS]

  work now a job i gotta trying to get you [TS]

  know I'm trying to date online i'm not [TS]

  sure if this is repping what I'm repping [TS]

  anymore but then again i think if you [TS]

  get a virgin mary on your neck you don't [TS]

  you're you keep prepping it [TS]

  yeah I think it's definitely become a [TS]

  lot more okay um which is good [TS]

  I've seen I have seen a lot of that lot [TS]

  of there's a cop in our neighborhood [TS]

  who's got all porch on ya see I think [TS]

  there might be there are certainly right [TS]

  now some Germans and Scandinavians [TS]

  listening this program who are already [TS]

  compiling a list of homeopathic drugs [TS]

  that I should have been taking the whole [TS]

  time I thought the Germans didn't like [TS]

  that [TS]

  no wait Germans like st. John's water [TS]

  they hate st. John's wort always forget [TS]

  my experience of Germans is that they [TS]

  believe in herbs and they don't like [TS]

  Scientology they do not like Scientology [TS]

  but they don't think Jeremy come down [TS]

  pretty hard on the Scientologists oh [TS]

  yeah i think they made it illegal [TS]

  because they are because they have a [TS]

  favor about cults but they believe in [TS]

  herbs because they are still Animists [TS]

  there we discuss relationship just [TS]

  certain ideas is a little bit like your [TS]

  relationship to certain kinds of [TS]

  substances who consider all right go on [TS]

  well example you know she saying [TS]

  yeah yeah I don't put too fine a point [TS]

  on it it's a certain kinds of ideas that [TS]

  they would just as soon we set aside [TS]

  because you know there's a reason we we [TS]

  don't keep you know a bottle of whiskey [TS]

  by the refrigerator [TS]

  oh because you would have a sip every [TS]

  time you went to the refrigerator [TS]

  yeah yeah I'm pretty soon the whole [TS]

  houses whiskey bottles so if you get [TS]

  something that's a little bit like a [TS]

  culture you get an idea that's a little [TS]

  bit too sticky about a certain kind of [TS]

  authoritarianism [TS]

  I'm saying now you're making some [TS]

  connections yeah actually there was a [TS]

  really good episode of a ninety-percent [TS]

  visible about this about the what's a [TS]

  call this idea in Germany that there's [TS]

  is called thanks for the gift shrunk [TS]

  even with this idea of shrunk is about [TS]

  is about drunken gifts because they do [TS]

  have those also give strong and so this [TS]

  is the idea that there are certain kinds [TS]

  of books in particular that have ideas [TS]

  that are so dangerous that we have to [TS]

  maintain a copy of these like sort of [TS]

  like a virus that you want to keep [TS]

  around for experimentation but you have [TS]

  to keep it away from the public and this [TS]

  is an idea that has continued to endure [TS]

  to this day cooling and not spoil the [TS]

  ending but you know my conf is is a out [TS]

  of copyright now so you can just put all [TS]

  kinds of places this idea that goes back [TS]

  i think like centuries that what is [TS]

  starting 15 eighties the idea that the [TS]

  church basically had these certain books [TS]

  that they kept a single copy of but like [TS]

  you weren't allowed to see right very [TS]

  German idea right now or like as chief [TS]

  Wiggum says Ralphie why are you so [TS]

  interested in DC and daddies forbidden [TS]

  closet of mystery who you know saying [TS]

  well this was the picture p with the [TS]

  Anarchist Cookbook right every time i [TS]

  would buy a copy of the Anarchist [TS]

  Cookbook my mom would find it on the [TS]

  shelves and she would take it and [TS]

  destroy it because it was about [TS]

  explosives because yeah I was about [TS]

  setting Tiger traps and you know [TS]

  refighting the Vietnam War and I was [TS]

  more interested in like to just the [TS]

  clandestine spy craft stuff i don't care [TS]

  about the how to make bombs I just [TS]

  thought was cool for all the like it was [TS]

  that what's that for fantagraphics [TS]

  what's the name of that publishing house [TS]

  to put out all those books [TS]

  yeah well oh those books I don't know [TS]

  fantagraphics put out a lot of Dominic's [TS]

  well [TS]

  oh no you talk about I research survival [TS]

  research laboratories but they're so you [TS]

  get that little fuck catalog [TS]

  yeah the ones that were all about [TS]

  vivisection and and general sideshow [TS]

  circus and oh there's that research but [TS]

  yet anyhow I service doesn't work anyway [TS]

  but there's all kinds of stuff in about [TS]

  like you know how to hide stuff and all [TS]

  that kind of spy stuff that you know [TS]

  that you would love is a little kid [TS]

  that's what i want to copy i loved [TS]

  learning how to make bombs and the in [TS]

  Turkish cookbook inspired me to start [TS]

  making pipe [TS]

  arms and I went through a phase where I [TS]

  made a lot of pipe bombs and blue stuff [TS]

  up with them until I realized that the [TS]

  next thing I blew up was going to be me [TS]

  and you'll see you disappointed your [TS]

  teacher of memory serves [TS]

  yeah and I got in big trouble I got a [TS]

  big trouble but uh I feel like I feel [TS]

  like that impulse to have a safe room [TS]

  that has all the forbidden books is I i [TS]

  disagree with that entirely I feel like [TS]

  that is a bad that's a bad principles [TS]

  that's more like a form of fetishism [TS]

  yeah right and I mean it's just a [TS]

  ultimately like this is for the dirty [TS]

  dirty ideas that i want anyone to know [TS]

  about well sure and what inspires is [TS]

  like uh then the protocols of the Elders [TS]

  of Zion sleaks supposedly and all of the [TS]

  people that want to believe that stuff [TS]

  have reason to believe that there's a [TS]

  secret room with all the secret books [TS]

  and so this one snuck out in it and the [TS]

  idea that there's a place where books [TS]

  like this exists which is a public [TS]

  knowledge validates the idea that there [TS]

  are that this secret book it must be [TS]

  true even though it's it's it's also i [TS]

  mean it's not it's not also not [TS]

  dissimilar from the reason why a lot of [TS]

  us don't want Apple to weaken the [TS]

  encryption on their phones people [TS]

  don't understand like what's at stake [TS]

  here with this right and so you know [TS]

  it's like we talked about before like [TS]

  you know do you want to have let's say [TS]

  you go out and you buy the most secure [TS]

  safe that's available and you put in [TS]

  your house and you have an entire room [TS]

  it's so important an entire room in your [TS]

  house and the door says safe on it [TS]

  uh-huh and you open up and there's the [TS]

  safe yeah well you know and no matter [TS]

  how secure that safe is now like [TS]

  everybody knows where the safe is [TS]

  yeah and all you do is tear the walls [TS]

  down to get in yeah you kind of tell ya [TS]

  you gotta tear down this wall down this [TS]

  wall that's right and then the walls [TS]

  came down forbidden things dangerous [TS]

  things all these things like week we [TS]

  imbue them with power we put them in the [TS]

  gift strongly that's exactly and that's [TS]

  why no gift wrong you'll get shocked you [TS]

  put that stuff out there and let [TS]

  everybody has hassle it out with each [TS]

  other because yeah right about kids and [TS]

  drinking [TS]

  what do you stand on the whole like nah [TS]

  no no well you know what I'm saying like [TS]

  I i got thought on this one what your [TS]

  thought is because I could be very [TS]

  interesting point of view there's a lot [TS]

  of people who say hey look you know in [TS]

  Italy kids have a little wine with [TS]

  dinner most kids don't like the taste of [TS]

  alcohol but now they've tasted alcohol [TS]

  in the house and it's not it's not it's [TS]

  not in the gift strong where there have [TS]

  to go drive out and find it [TS]

  yeah just the idea of the whole idea of [TS]

  like I think taking the magic out of [TS]

  this forbidden thing he'd ever thought [TS]

  on that I support it [TS]

  uh I support that although you know [TS]

  there's a lot of smugness in Europe [TS]

  about drinking because they all say oh [TS]

  you mean we give our kids drinks and we [TS]

  don't have this alcoholism probably hung [TS]

  up like the American that's right or the [TS]

  British to our are notorious alcoholics [TS]

  and they even though the sort of [TS]

  continental Europeans are all smug about [TS]

  it but the thing about Cardinal [TS]

  Europeans in my experience is that yes [TS]

  they do practice moderation but wherever [TS]

  their line of what it is moderate intake [TS]

  of things is pretty high right so in [TS]

  Europe there are a lot of people who are [TS]

  just drunk all the time and they don't [TS]

  go they don't fantasize it to the point [TS]

  where they are you know alcoholics like [TS]

  you see in shakes the clown [TS]

  but they are picture the picture that's [TS]

  often drawn of the role of vodka [TS]

  yeah right for Soviet Union yeah that's [TS]

  right that's right where people are just [TS]

  drinking themselves to death [TS]

  sounds pretty bad but in france and [TS]

  italy and germany people are just [TS]

  fucking drunk all the time they're just [TS]

  they keep a lid on it and they managed [TS]

  to go to work on Monday night the kind [TS]

  of maintenance drinking we're just [TS]

  having a little bit all day now they're [TS]

  just how they drink with a drink with [TS]

  lunch they drink with dinner they drink [TS]

  with late breakfast they drink with they [TS]

  just drink all the time [TS]

  yeah and so that you know so the [TS]

  smugness is like yeah right okay you [TS]

  guys are all live in life you know [TS]

  you're really sucking the marrow out of [TS]

  life but you are your you spend all your [TS]

  time and in restaurants which are really [TS]

  bars and you're just always a little bit [TS]

  shitfaced so yeah I think that kids [TS]

  should drink a little wine with dinner [TS]

  but I also feel like alcohol is a human [TS]

  is like this widely accepted waited [TS]

  beach checked out most of the time [TS]

  right right so two things on this topic [TS]

  Skeeter died [TS]

  oh no not Gary no Gary Roscoe Roscoe / [TS]

  Skeeter oh no just last week shuffled [TS]

  off this mortal coil can eat for are far [TS]

  more listeners kill my people who [TS]

  schemers so Skeeter and Gary live across [TS]

  the street from me neither one of them [TS]

  is the leaseholder Gary lives in his van [TS]

  in the front yard Skeeter lives in the [TS]

  house [TS]

  Gary still lives in the vanity area is [TS]

  still in the Vale gary has jerry has [TS]

  grandfather themselves you ever cast it [TS]

  would be this long [TS]

  no I goodness and I used all of my [TS]

  psionic power to dismember Gary while he [TS]

  slept but gary has gary has a matured [TS]

  into kind of a lively [TS]

  character droke in the neighborhood [TS]

  he's never you know oh yeah kara I was [TS]

  I'm Gary's best friend he remembers me [TS]

  having that you know so not only does he [TS]

  remember me but now I have to avoid Gary [TS]

  because he's going to strike up a long [TS]

  conversation with me about and this part [TS]

  of the conversation is about jesus which [TS]

  I'm just like Kari look of all the [TS]

  things that you shouldn't be [TS]

  representing to me right now is the [TS]

  power of Jesus old living in your van [TS]

  and street drunk guy but Skeeter lived [TS]

  in the house [TS]

  Skeeter was gonna marry the matron of [TS]

  the house the lady who who owns the [TS]

  place [TS]

  that's right and the reason she wasn't [TS]

  correct me if I'm wrong but over time [TS]

  she's been very generous about making [TS]

  this a place that's almost like an [TS]

  ad-hoc halfway house right people could [TS]

  come and kind of like get their legs [TS]

  under there she has a generous spirit [TS]

  she is always trying to rescue people [TS]

  she's a rescue her and so she rescued [TS]

  these two ding-a-lings some for some [TS]

  reason I have no idea why they may I [TS]

  think that she knew Skeeter for a long [TS]

  time and and gary is native to the [TS]

  neighborhood this is the thing that I [TS]

  found out about their long ago [TS]

  Gary grew up in that neighborhood I'd [TS]

  Gary might have been living in that [TS]

  front yard [TS]

  no I remember when he moved in but Gary [TS]

  you know as a teenager might have been [TS]

  sleeping in that front yard [TS]

  well anyways the reason I called Roscoe [TS]

  Skeeter was of course because he had a [TS]

  neck tattoo of a giant mosquitoes [TS]

  sucking blood out of his neck which was [TS]

  just like oh like a truffle oil [TS]

  no look it was sucking it out like a [TS]

  shitty like a shitty tattoo he got in [TS]

  Kodiak ok of a mosquito as big as your [TS]

  hand [TS]

  this is a sucking blood out of his neck [TS]

  which was just like the first time I met [TS]

  him I was like let me guess you uh [TS]

  worked in Alaska he was like how'd you [TS]

  know man I was like there's only one [TS]

  reason you would have a tattoo of a [TS]

  mosquito on your neck unless you're from [TS]

  Siberia and you don't seem Canadian you [TS]

  you worked in Alaskans like i did 25 [TS]

  years of advertisement every anyway so [TS]

  here I and he used to mean [TS]

  Skeeter was a [TS]

  and the fact that his was quote-unquote [TS]

  real name was Roscoe there's no way his [TS]

  name was Roscoe his fucking name is [TS]

  probably Brian but nobody knew it's [TS]

  because he'd been going by roscoe sense [TS]

  both sense back in a time when calling [TS]

  yourself Roscoe seemed cool right can [TS]

  you remember the remember the party in [TS]

  1982 we're like I'm Roscoe everybody [TS]

  said that's great and then it just stuck [TS]

  but Skeeter worked much better for me so [TS]

  much so that I started calling Skeeter [TS]

  to his face but he you know he didn't [TS]

  know what the fuck was up or down and so [TS]

  he died of liver failure on now which I [TS]

  had been i had watched the decline [TS]

  across the street until you know he was [TS]

  just experiencing all that i don't know [TS]

  if you've ever watched somebody with [TS]

  liver failure [TS]

  it's not pretty no you get bloated and [TS]

  you get a John to see and and all that [TS]

  was happening and a couple of times i'm [TS]

  talking to him in the street knows i [TS]

  came in you know you're past the point [TS]

  now like you got to get some help for [TS]

  you it's it's a like you're it's not [TS]

  it's not a joke anymore obviously you [TS]

  know that he was like yeah well I'm [TS]

  trying to listen that but he wasn't and [TS]

  so I don't think he was about 55 or [TS]

  that's all 50 signs as he looked like he [TS]

  was a thousand years old but so so [TS]

  skeeters gone making Gary top dog like [TS]

  Gary now I the yesterday the the boy [TS]

  prince has ascended yeah right good [TS]

  skier always kept kept Gary down but at [TS]

  last is two days ago I I look out my [TS]

  window [TS]

  Gary's laughs and he's walking up and [TS]

  down the street I don't think [TS]

  celebrating but I just feel like he [TS]

  finally felt released because he Gary [TS]

  would tell me in the middle of the night [TS]

  I'd run into him in the street and he'd [TS]

  be like you know Roscoe threaten me with [TS]

  a knife like you know my name is Paul [TS]

  and this is between y'all [TS]

  he's like no no he like some you know [TS]

  some like fish knife was like seriously [TS]

  I don't want to hear it [TS]

  I don't want to hear you guys are all [TS]

  bananas so so that's one that's one [TS]

  element that's what happened is a power [TS]

  vacuum well so I don't know what's I [TS]

  don't know what's gonna happen whether [TS]

  you might try to move in [TS]

  I don't think she won't have it right [TS]

  she won't have him in the house but you [TS]

  know he has graduated to like trusted [TS]

  handyman um where he's you know I don't [TS]

  know if he's ever been up on the roof [TS]

  cleaning out the gutters but he's doing [TS]

  little little inconsequential chores [TS]

  taking out the garbage that type of [TS]

  thing but what you know what I worry [TS]

  about is that she that she saved some [TS]

  other guy that we go back we go back to [TS]

  yung skeeter we reset and there's you [TS]

  know some next guy i don't i don't know [TS]

  I I root for her I think she's a lovely [TS]

  person right and I know that he been [TS]

  very concerned about her her actual like [TS]

  you know Joe kidding and stuff aside the [TS]

  concerned about her welfare where you [TS]

  know she wasn't on the scene very much [TS]

  people seem to be coming in and out of [TS]

  the house align there was a bad time [TS]

  there there was a bad time with before [TS]

  before Rosco lost his agency where he [TS]

  was just it seemed to me like he was [TS]

  stripping the place right [TS]

  anyway that's one that's one side of [TS]

  this conversation that I thought though [TS]

  that their longtime listeners who wonder [TS]

  about the saga I would want to know I'm [TS]

  sorry to hear that [TS]

  yeah well you know he uh he was colorful [TS]

  guy and any he burned brightly uh-huh he [TS]

  went on gently into this goodnight the [TS]

  other the other side this conversation [TS]

  that may interest you is that when i was [TS]

  very sick and getting an IV the other [TS]

  night the doctor who was convicted and [TS]

  gave me a look that communicated to me [TS]

  that she might be aware of Russia who [TS]

  her patient was because at this point is [TS]

  the thing with you and I gotta think [TS]

  about is there's lots of people in [TS]

  positions of power who are a lot younger [TS]

  than [TS]

  this who is people running for president [TS]

  or younger than me [TS]

  should I know I know that I don't know [TS]

  that's a new one for me none of them [TS]

  qualified but but this doctor was our [TS]

  age exactly and she was she didn't get [TS]

  it she didn't she almost gave me a look [TS]

  like she was a fan not know she was a [TS]

  doctor right so she's keeping her she [TS]

  was giving me a little bit of the the [TS]

  head nod you know professor Roderick [TS]

  kind of thing at one point when I had my [TS]

  IV about halfway through the bag i was [TS]

  like oh I've got to go to the party [TS]

  because this bag is filled me up with [TS]

  water and so in my little gown I grab [TS]

  ahold of my little because there's no [TS]

  you know it's off its a hospital so [TS]

  there's nobody around right there nobody [TS]

  actually monitoring it to the emergency [TS]

  room going to the emergency room because [TS]

  it was late at night [TS]

  yeah and sells drive yourself yeah of [TS]

  course [TS]

  Shang me which everybody was like what [TS]

  are you doing and I was like did I [TS]

  return the story about the time I got [TS]

  hit with a hatchet and they were like no [TS]

  this is the first time we've ever met [TS]

  I was like it's a great story remind me [TS]

  to tie some time to myself to the [TS]

  hospital then with blood running down my [TS]

  face [TS]

  oh my god anyway so I'm walking down the [TS]

  hall with my gown and my IV bag attached [TS]

  to me and I'm pushing this little IV [TS]

  stand and admitted to the bathroom and [TS]

  she is coming the other way looking at a [TS]

  chart as doctors do and up until that [TS]

  point she had maintained a very [TS]

  professional demeanor with me but she [TS]

  passed me in the hall she looked up saw [TS]

  me and there was a momentary a momentary [TS]

  candor that went across her face and her [TS]

  guard was Dale [TS]

  guard was Dale [TS]

  and she gave me like this and I wouldn't [TS]

  know what to describe it to you as other [TS]

  than a look I've seen many times which [TS]

  was like a little bit of a titter almost [TS]

  a titter I was like oh interesting i'm [TS]

  not sure whether she voted for me or not [TS]

  hope that she hope every doctor in the [TS]

  town did alright because of politics [TS]

  politics politics everything music I [TS]

  forgot about the politics but she's [TS]

  she's my age right so she could have [TS]

  been she was 29 she could have been a [TS]

  fan of one of my bands but it anyway at [TS]

  the end of the thing she's like at that [TS]

  point in time I was coughing in such a [TS]

  way where it looked like I was gonna die [TS]

  like I had to bend over [TS]

  hold my lungs with my arms and I was I [TS]

  was just copying like like the like the [TS]

  alien in the first alien movie just you [TS]

  know like my second set of teeth came [TS]

  out and is coughing up stuff and it was [TS]

  now it was a racking cough extremely [TS]

  painful and so the doctor very sort of [TS]

  lively prescribes me codeine cough syrup [TS]

  and there was a moment where my [TS]

  reflexive reply which i have been using [TS]

  for 20 years the reflexive reply being [TS]

  oh I'm sorry I'm in recovery and so I [TS]

  don't do codeine cough syrup and I've [TS]

  said that 50 times to various doctors [TS]

  and they always go oh totally understood [TS]

  and they prescribe me [TS]

  imodium or what are you know like yeah [TS]

  they give you something narcotic yeah [TS]

  but in this case I'm sitting there in [TS]

  tremendous pain and i have gone to the [TS]

  emergency room for a thing that turns [TS]

  out to be a virus right and i went to [TS]

  the emergency room in part because I had [TS]

  a fever for days and i mistakenly [TS]

  said so on the internet which I hardly [TS]

  ever do i complained about a symptom on [TS]

  the internet and I got 45 replies on [TS]

  Twitter and 400 replies on facebook all [TS]

  telling me that I needed to eat raw [TS]

  garlic but there were this one [TS]

  surprising trick [TS]

  yeah but there were several several [TS]

  people who are like I am a medical [TS]

  doctor and if you have fever for days [TS]

  you need to go to a doctor immediately [TS]

  and so all of a sudden what I knew to be [TS]

  true which was that if I just cowered [TS]

  under these blankets for two more days i [TS]

  would start getting better turned into [TS]

  this bug in my mind which was no shit [TS]

  you've got pneumonia and you're gonna [TS]

  die or or it or rather it is normal to [TS]

  go to the doctor under these [TS]

  circumstances and so I'm gonna go do it [TS]

  and so I called the doctor and they were [TS]

  like well the doctors office doesn't [TS]

  have any appointments available until [TS]

  march of 2017 [TS]

  yeah no big you know big it's not like [TS]

  anything out like a health issue or [TS]

  something [TS]

  yeah so you need to go to be a dick [TS]

  about it you need to go to the emergency [TS]

  clinic block in clinic which of course [TS]

  is you know an emergency room by any [TS]

  other definition there you go in there [TS]

  and it's every kind of person all [TS]

  miserable so she prescribes this coding [TS]

  cup syrup and there's a part of me that [TS]

  wants to feel like my illness is bad [TS]

  enough that it that it justified this [TS]

  trip because I don't want to walk out of [TS]

  here saying well she gave me a pint a [TS]

  saline solution and patted me on the [TS]

  head and told me I had a cold so she [TS]

  gives me this coating cough syrup she [TS]

  prescribes us to be and I'm like well [TS]

  yes the seriousness of that medicine [TS]

  validates howl in pain and how late lo I [TS]

  am and so rather than tell her no I just [TS]

  SAT there quietly like everybody I mean [TS]

  I think probably half the population [TS]

  when a doctor says we're going to [TS]

  prescribe some codeine cough syrup a [TS]

  silent we were rejoice [TS]

  oh my god it's like in the lottery it's [TS]

  like oh boy I'm gonna get codeine cough [TS]

  a totally agree i haven't taken this [TS]

  stuff in 20 years and so [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  I went home I fill the prescription and [TS]

  i went home and i SAT and looked at this [TS]

  bottle of codeine cough syrup and I said [TS]

  you sir are problem for me because you [TS]

  are no more kotik and I haven't taken [TS]

  narcotics in 20 years [TS]

  this is a bad scene this is one of those [TS]

  scenes you did you did get you did fill [TS]

  the prescription you had in front of you [TS]

  add in front of me so I'm there I'm like [TS]

  an L now here we are and then I went who [TS]

  have and I bent over i was in a cough so [TS]

  badly that I dropped to my knees and was [TS]

  banging my head on the floor [TS]

  oh Jesus John with this with this cough [TS]

  that was coming from my pelvis and it's [TS]

  a virus it's just a thing it's just a [TS]

  little thing that was floating in the [TS]

  air snuck inside me and is trying to [TS]

  kill me but isn't really trying to kill [TS]

  me just trying to send me a message [TS]

  trying to send me a message that God is [TS]

  watching me and then I was expressing [TS]

  too much hubris some take me down to [TS]

  size and so I poured myself four or five [TS]

  millimeters five milliliters of codeine [TS]

  cough syrup and I took it and then i [TS]

  went to sleep and then I woke up the [TS]

  next day and woke up to a racking cough [TS]

  and I went downstairs and took five [TS]

  milliliters of this officer and now I [TS]

  was in this tricky place i was like i [TS]

  have now taken five milliliters of [TS]

  coding two times prescribed by a doctor [TS]

  for they had cold where am i where am i [TS]

  right now do i need to go back do I need [TS]

  to go to an a meeting for the first time [TS]

  in a year and a half and throw my [TS]

  20-year coin Adam and say I start over [TS]

  oh ok i start over i'm back to zero or [TS]

  do i do I [TS]

  just chill because it's not like I'm you [TS]

  know it's not like it was like whoo than [TS]

  halfway through the day I had another [TS]

  terrible episode of coughing which as [TS]

  you know i do not i don't typically well [TS]

  I don't exaggerate it all under any [TS]

  circumstances [TS]

  no but like when you're it's eat at a [TS]

  certain point it's one thing to go like [TS]

  an excuse me it's another thing when you [TS]

  have this entire like torso rattling [TS]

  cough that starts in your pelvis we like [TS]

  I will do anything to get this out and [TS]

  make it stopped because I'm just gonna [TS]

  come back and is it is really really [TS]

  painful [TS]

  oh it's awful it's it's in its you'd [TS]

  read it you come to dread it and then [TS]

  you're like well if I think about this [TS]

  one start coughing because it's going to [TS]

  start all over again and it is lazy low [TS]

  yeah i would be at the cough would start [TS]

  and i would try and sequester the cough [TS]

  in my throat like somebody with a with [TS]

  bad asthma right i do not want to start [TS]

  coughing and I'm trying to keep I'm [TS]

  trying to dampen this cop because if it [TS]

  goes then I'm just ruined and like [TS]

  there's nobody in my house i'm there by [TS]

  myself it's not like i'm performing for [TS]

  anybody I don't even have a cat [TS]

  I'm not putting on a show i am like [TS]

  laying on the floor writhing in agony [TS]

  so I go to pour another cup of codeine [TS]

  cough syrup and this time I give myself [TS]

  seven milliliters what's your sense of [TS]

  how much that is versus the recommended [TS]

  dose beats me probably less well yeah [TS]

  there's a cop you know like a one of [TS]

  those cough syrup cups and I am just [TS]

  putting a tiny little you know you're [TS]

  probably well below what they would do [TS]

  normally cake i'm certainly well below [TS]

  what i would have taken 20 years ago but [TS]

  you know it's like it's like three [TS]

  quarters [TS]

  30 American Cohen quarters stacked [TS]

  that's how much it is [TS]

  wow wow and so then I went to seven [TS]

  millimeters which was adding another [TS]

  quarter now it's a stack of four [TS]

  quarters [TS]

  in the bottom of this little cup and [TS]

  that amount of escalation when I put two [TS]

  more milliliters in that cup just [TS]

  unconsciously just not just like well I [TS]

  just that was a really bad ones just [TS]

  give myself a little bit just juice it a [TS]

  little bit then I was like holy shit [TS]

  whoopsie-daisy oh no you felt something [TS]

  no no i didn't really feel anything but [TS]

  like that was that was coming from [TS]

  inside me [TS]

  oh just that one extra quarter something [TS]

  something hit you and you went ok that [TS]

  that's the quarter couldn't do me that [TS]

  was me [TS]

  upping the dose that was not shit okay [TS]

  that was not anything I didn't feel it [TS]

  any differently but that was me upping [TS]

  the dose that was me upping the dose [TS]

  hoping that I could scrape the underside [TS]

  of feeling something right if I just [TS]

  keep going up to milliliters at a time I [TS]

  reject John going to get to the [TS]

  underside of this it's just it it was [TS]

  always right and to the edge [TS]

  I'm just like I'm laying on the floor [TS]

  coughing I by all rational thought I [TS]

  this is a this is a medicine which is [TS]

  helping me but i just went I just want [TS]

  that little peep peep and i took that [TS]

  codeine cough syrup and I put it in the [TS]

  farthest darkest corner and was like [TS]

  that does not exist that is long gone [TS]

  from my world and you know for for about [TS]

  a half a day more of racking cough I was [TS]

  like you know this little one more [TS]

  little shot of that would help me a lot [TS]

  and I was like fuck you fuck you fuck [TS]

  you [TS]

  so I don't know whether I go that when i [TS]

  throw my 20-year coin atom or whether [TS]

  who gives a shit [TS]

  it's not about that but that is the [TS]

  that's the furthest little test I've [TS]

  made like that's the everyone's well you [TS]

  know walk through a party and there'll [TS]

  be people smoking pot and i will just I [TS]

  won't make it and I won't make an [TS]

  attempt to not inhale [TS]

  whatever just like yeah I wonder bit but [TS]

  if somebody if somebody poured me a [TS]

  glass of juice and I put it in my mouth [TS]

  and I realize there's alcohol in it i [TS]

  will go to the bathroom and spit it out [TS]

  so I in 20 years I have never taken a [TS]

  quote-unquote accidental drink of liquor [TS]

  spit every one of them out and never had [TS]

  any coding coughs operating like this [TS]

  but this was situation where i was just [TS]

  like the combination of factors and all [TS]

  of a sudden I'm i tiptoe tiptoe and [TS]

  didn't didn't notice it at the time but [TS]

  immediately looking back immediately [TS]

  recognized the tendency wow I feel about [TS]

  that i mean so I mean so just state the [TS]

  obvious so you don't have any more than [TS]

  hello [TS]

  I don't want and I don't want that stuff [TS]

  near me and and you know how I feel [TS]

  about it is people ask me this a lot [TS]

  is there a point where you stop thinking [TS]

  about having a drink you know is there a [TS]

  point of sobriety where stop thinking [TS]

  about it and in my experience no right [TS]

  there's there's never a time when it [TS]

  doesn't come up [TS]

  I mean you live in the world there's [TS]

  almost no day in my life where the topic [TS]

  of alcohol doesn't come up somehow [TS]

  you know I work in bars right but also [TS]

  it's the world you drive down the street [TS]

  it's just alcohol signs all around [TS]

  people just alcohol alcohol so know what [TS]

  it the it's not a question of it never [TS]

  occurred to you are never coming up it's [TS]

  always there and as a somebody who's [TS]

  quit drinking [TS]

  it's constantly there the question what [TS]

  if i had a drink [TS]

  you know that's the that's the little [TS]

  question the little voice what are the [TS]

  voices just always saying that it is one [TS]

  line and [TS]

  just point of information it that's sort [TS]

  of a it seems like you know AAA seems [TS]

  like such a mature culture where there's [TS]

  just a huge part son seems to me like a [TS]

  huge part of a is yeah we've heard that [TS]

  before or yeah we've seen that before or [TS]

  you know what you're going through right [TS]

  now is very well understood in the [TS]

  community [TS]

  you're not experiencing anything any [TS]

  different than what people have [TS]

  experienced some people a dozen times [TS]

  yeah and one of those is I can have a [TS]

  little bit right no yeah i mean that's [TS]

  the big one right that's how people [TS]

  that's how people come in today and go [TS]

  out of a and that's how people get sober [TS]

  for nine months and go out that's [TS]

  everybody's desire that nobody wants to [TS]

  be a holic every single person that [TS]

  wants to quit drinking doesn't want to [TS]

  quit drinking they want to drink like a [TS]

  normal night so they quit and they're [TS]

  like I feel great you know what was the [TS]

  problem i was just in a bad way i can [TS]

  have a little bit and then there you [TS]

  know back to be a wino in no time [TS]

  and so a big part of going to meetings [TS]

  all the time is to keep that voice at [TS]

  bay by reminding yourself what will [TS]

  happen and doing that by sitting in a [TS]

  room full of people who all are having [TS]

  that experience and who are coming in [TS]

  they're like I was sober for 20 years [TS]

  and I got a bad headache and somebody [TS]

  gave me some codeine cough syrup and [TS]

  three days later I was on a barge to [TS]

  Shanghai right and I was out again for [TS]

  for 14 years and now i'm back here in a [TS]

  16 days sober and thank you so much [TS]

  everybody applauds and you go wow you [TS]

  know it's that easy all you have to do [TS]

  is slip on the ice one time and you know [TS]

  for guys like me who say to themselves [TS]

  all you know it's I'm I've been clean [TS]

  for 20 years and and I've got a lot of [TS]

  willpower and I got this thing licked [TS]

  there's no part of me that thinks that i [TS]

  can go have a drink you know I'm not a [TS]

  dummy [TS]

  I've heard enough stories but it's [TS]

  fucking hilarious to see how little it [TS]

  took to with how little it took for me [TS]

  to do do what I did but so I mean I [TS]

  totally take your point but it's also a [TS]

  testament to your vigilance that you [TS]

  were able to see that you know one more [TS]

  quarter was too much don't you were you [TS]

  were [TS]

  it's it's great that you had the ability [TS]

  to catch that again because I've heard a [TS]

  thousand stories i ran into a guy that [TS]

  I'd known for a long time in the program [TS]

  I one time about 10 years ago and he [TS]

  looked all bagged up and was like hey [TS]

  what happened and he said oh I was [TS]

  riding my motorcycle and I got side i [TS]

  got t-boned by a car and i flew off the [TS]

  motorcycle through the front windshield [TS]

  of the car and it's split my helmet and [TS]

  a half [TS]

  oh my god and uh you know it wasn't i [TS]

  wasn't sure whether I was gonna live or [TS]

  die and i had their they were picking [TS]

  glass shards out of my eyes and just [TS]

  insane story and he was in the hospital [TS]

  all messed up and they had about a [TS]

  morphine drip and when he woke up out of [TS]

  his stupor he spent a day of a morphine [TS]

  drip and maybe called the doctor and he [TS]

  was like take me off the morphe man [TS]

  the doctor was like are you serious [TS]

  you've got glass in your eyeball and he [TS]

  said yeah i know but if you keep me a [TS]

  bit more feed the result for me will be [TS]

  worse them suffering through this with [TS]

  suffering through this with no pain [TS]

  killer and he told me that story and I [TS]

  was like whoa there's a guy who is [TS]

  vigilant because he fell so deep [TS]

  and he knows he doesn't want to go back [TS]

  right and I don't want to go back and so [TS]

  you know there was that was by I wasn't [TS]

  even on a day on a morphine drip that [TS]

  was just me left alone with you know [TS]

  with something like left alone with [TS]

  something where i had a justification [TS]

  and I've been in that situation 30 times [TS]

  sicker than I was you know but for some [TS]

  reason right this moment it was a little [TS]

  it was a little check and and probably I [TS]

  should go to my first day meeting in a [TS]

  year and a half and tell that story [TS]

  because I be useful to somebody might be [TS]

  useful somebody and it would be useful [TS]

  to me to just be in a room full of [TS]

  people who were like ha ha look at you [TS]

  look at you that's the hubris [TS]

  that's your universe right there you're [TS]

  you breast man he flew too close to the [TS]

  coding it's huge [TS]

  how you brucey you were because i don't [TS]

  want to end up like skater who nobody [TS]

  does not stand up like skater don't want [TS]

  to end up like gary gary is going to [TS]

  live forever gonna be over there [TS]

  listening the Jethro tall he's getting [TS]

  one calling 911 on you coming tonight [TS]

  that's right color well you know he [TS]

  decided that the house next door where [TS]

  Gary's van is parked is a house where a [TS]

  couple of Mexican families moved in uh [TS]

  and they are you know their large [TS]

  families and they are limited if it's a [TS]

  fairly big house and may they are our [TS]

  great neighbors although they have a [TS]

  rooster nail which is driving me crazy [TS]

  oh no it's awful but you know I've I [TS]

  feel like it's a small price to pay up [TS]

  everybody everybody in the neighborhood [TS]

  I think they're probably the best [TS]

  neighbors this fucking rooster [TS]

  I don't know why they don't know why the [TS]

  abbot but Gary at one point decided that [TS]

  they were coming over and messing with [TS]

  his van now [TS]

  it was like Gary the last people [TS]

  that are messing with your van are are [TS]

  the those families they've got like a [TS]

  lot of kids they go to everybody in the [TS]

  house is trying hard they got a foothold [TS]

  you know what I mean yeah last thing i [TS]

  want to do is go cause trouble [TS]

  they're not causing trouble with you [TS]

  Gary you got nothing of value to anybody [TS]

  because that this is the way I talk to [TS]

  carry and then he's all that he starts [TS]

  telling me about Jesus but so at one [TS]

  point Gary took two in the middle of the [TS]

  night standing on the other side of the [TS]

  fence and shouting into their darkened [TS]

  house where everyone is sleeping [TS]

  no like shouting sort of slurs and was [TS]

  pacing back and forth seen stay out of [TS]

  my van stay out of my yard I know what [TS]

  you're doing I know you're coming in and [TS]

  you're damn banana and I had to go i had [TS]

  to go told Gary that that was that in [TS]

  keeping with neighborhood standards [TS]

  uh-huh you know I don't know what [TS]

  pornography is but I know what I see it [TS]

  so hospitable it's in hospital and also [TS]

  nobody's best with your van [TS]

  except for fucking notes that you're [TS]

  imagining tingly feel better [TS]

  thanks for letting you out on that one [TS]

  yeah you you have a bad cough John [TS]

  Roderick [TS]