Roderick on the Line

Ep. 208: "Coney Island Horniness"


  warning this episode of Roderick the [TS]

  wine contains spoilers for popular [TS]

  holiday characters candid discussions of [TS]

  never nudes and graphic depictions of [TS]

  penises and snack food listener [TS]

  discretion is advised this episode of [TS]

  Roderick on the line is brought to you [TS]

  in part by Casper Casper an online [TS]

  retailer of premium mattresses that you [TS]

  can get delivered to your door for a [TS]

  fraction of the price that you pay in [TS]

  stores to learn more visit Casper calm / [TS]

  supertrain and I braintree code for easy [TS]

  online payments to learn more and get [TS]

  your first fifty thousand dollars in [TS]

  transactions fee-free visit braintree [TS]

  payments dot-com / supertrain [TS]

  hello hi John [TS]

  I'm Merlin how's it going super good [TS]

  super good super duper good i'm just [TS]

  reading about Dexys Midnight Runners and [TS]

  eating my new special breakfast [TS]

  life hack oh that's because you want to [TS]

  share i love to hear about both what's [TS]

  your breakfast it is again a cup hungry [TS]

  are you are you down with aegon organic [TS]

  up have you ever had an egg in a couple [TS]

  I as a very innovative basket [TS]

  uh I don't think i have I mean it's [TS]

  sending a basket who ya talkin in the [TS]

  basket picking out picking out dough [TS]

  ready dog bite kicking out picking up [TS]

  picking up the chicken out [TS]

  uh no your something I've been the [TS]

  girl-scout thing where you make it you [TS]

  use a shot glass today Christmas Girl [TS]

  Scouts love shot glasses difficult girls [TS]

  got well you know what this is a Girl [TS]

  Scout lifehack if you use I was shot [TS]

  glass of egg into a beer maybe they [TS]

  called the gentleman's mimosa no [TS]

  mayonnaise on the side know you I've [TS]

  done a thing where you are oh I have a [TS]

  whole method for this the garden have [TS]

  time for but i don't think we knock out [TS]

  some bread usually tell us to present [TS]

  you make an egg in the middle of that [TS]

  all your talk about toad-in-the-hole [TS]

  total yes it's a show in the whole [TS]

  regular basket or old gentleman's mimosa [TS]

  uh ya know in a cup is totally different [TS]

  i want to guess [TS]

  alright go now I'll never get AAA get a [TS]

  cup is see the thing is that to me that [TS]

  feels like something a go-go yuppie in [TS]

  the eighties would do [TS]

  that's right with it involves like [TS]

  poaching in a coffee cup in the [TS]

  microwave you here right on it looks [TS]

  like the music up here's what you do [TS]

  oh my god this is about technology is [TS]

  you here there it is and that's gonna [TS]

  blow its gonna blow your mind it's gonna [TS]

  blow everybody's mind moved everything [TS]

  important out of the way you know what [TS]

  I'm gonna I am after today I'm gonna get [TS]

  convicted of being a serial killer cause [TS]

  I money because of all the blood much [TS]

  I'm gonna blow so many minds right now [TS]

  that there's a trail of death across the [TS]

  they will know me by my trail of death I [TS]

  take an egg drop it in a coffee cup you [TS]

  put a fork in an 80gb I'm sorry to [TS]

  interrupt ed crack the egg [TS]

  yes you do yes you do you crack the egg [TS]

  into a thought these things are [TS]

  important you gotta you gotta pick out [TS]

  all the little uh Michelle parts because [TS]

  you don't know how to crack an egg yeah [TS]

  and then you you you stir it once with a [TS]

  fork just quick just to like break the [TS]

  yolk just break the yolk and just kind [TS]

  of like Egyptian or just like a not not [TS]

  three ships to jip jip jip set [TS]

  definitely not scrambled in the [TS]

  conventional sense hope you do most of [TS]

  the egg is still intact as an egg you [TS]

  just kind of break it a little in the [TS]

  microwave for 30 seconds [TS]

  oh my goodness you pull it out you go [TS]

  now [TS]

  jip jip jip three ships with a fork who [TS]

  just just kind of scraping it off of the [TS]

  sides and the bottom of the cup it's [TS]

  still going to be a kind of a mirror [TS]

  that said that's not so much for the for [TS]

  the it's it makes it easier to enjoy [TS]

  your just kind of sluicing it are your [TS]

  carving it off the sides of your coffee [TS]

  cup just getting off the off the sides [TS]

  and you're just kind of giving it a [TS]

  couple more stirs who 20 more seconds in [TS]

  the microwave and my god bless that I [TS]

  mean even taking into account the ship's [TS]

  it's a minute [TS]

  it's a flat minute and then perfect [TS]

  silence they don't know where to begin [TS]

  scrambly egg this changes so many things [TS]

  for one thing I got tell you this is I [TS]

  have the have the basic office cooking [TS]

  set up which means i have the second [TS]

  cheapest microwave from target and I [TS]

  have the cot costco door refrigerator [TS]

  that everybody has I've seen I've seen [TS]

  your son have cast of the microwave is [TS]

  almost certainly not dangerous know [TS]

  right it's like probably eighty-four [TS]

  percent certain that it's not irritating [TS]

  right and I keep keep the door closed [TS]

  you know what I'm not using it but this [TS]

  would be for me this is not locate so do [TS]

  you put in any kind of fixings do you do [TS]

  video mixing i have i have you you know [TS]

  a couple of little bit of cheddar [TS]

  um I got a little bit of salt pepper a [TS]

  little power with the salt-and-pepper oh [TS]

  and if you put two eggs in a coffee cup [TS]

  you're pushing your luck huh [TS]

  but if you put two eggs and like a [TS]

  slightly larger like say for instance of [TS]

  beer stein then you know it's a mug that [TS]

  makes like a meal it's a he seemed like [TS]

  you could literally just drop a cracked [TS]

  egg in there but i'm thinking also if [TS]

  you put in some thinly-sliced like [TS]

  shaved butter you were some serious [TS]

  poaching on or like thinly sliced [TS]

  prosciutto ham my goodness because cup [TS]

  that would cook so fast cow and you [TS]

  you've gotta pierce it because if you [TS]

  don't the single explode [TS]

  yeah sure what you what you doing the [TS]

  whole time is is you know you're [TS]

  managing the amount of time in there you [TS]

  want to cook it without having the whole [TS]

  thing explode [TS]

  you gotta count for physics gotta come [TS]

  from physics and science and as we know [TS]

  sciences love love his music that's [TS]

  record that's right so you [TS]

  yeah you get 30 seconds just don't push [TS]

  it okay and then a couple more ships [TS]

  maybe that's when you add the cheese and [TS]

  the prosciutto and then 20 more seconds [TS]

  and that's all you need that's all you [TS]

  want that so many good life hacks but i [TS]

  gotta tell you i am i'm so gonna try [TS]

  this [TS]

  I'm trying to eat less bread and less [TS]

  sugar i continue to struggle with that [TS]

  because every convenience food in the [TS]

  world mostly involves branch i'm not i [TS]

  mean i'm not i don't it's not that I [TS]

  won't eat bread and sugar I just don't [TS]

  want it all the time it's about [TS]

  something it's not all the time food and [TS]

  then well but yeah and it's yeah John's [TS]

  pyramid [TS]

  yeah right but you uh you know the thing [TS]

  is my problem is I forget to eat [TS]

  I've had this for years and it's totally [TS]

  at odds with my family who are snackers [TS]

  sir [TS]

  snackers I mean to eat dinner like a [TS]

  snack and I'm like I'm like I'm like a [TS]

  dad in the 52nd like I want to sit there [TS]

  with the TV train have my Swanson's and [TS]

  like you know [TS]

  yeah yeah so for helping the green but [TS]

  but i want to have stuff around that I [TS]

  can eat quickly that isn't total junk [TS]

  and eggs are eggs have been good to me [TS]

  John [TS]

  mm here's another thing about eggs the [TS]

  people of our generation don't know I [TS]

  ready yeah yeah legs do not need to be [TS]

  refrigerated [TS]

  but you can leave legs out on the [TS]

  counter right all right all right all [TS]

  right you could leave eggs out on the [TS]

  counter [TS]

  I i will take a certain amount of your [TS]

  your unconventional outsider wisdom [TS]

  about things because it does help a lot [TS]

  of people as you see here today you're [TS]

  telling you do not need to refrigerate [TS]

  an egg [TS]

  I'm saying that I mean I'm not saying [TS]

  leave your eggs out on the counter for a [TS]

  month [TS]

  it's not like you live in Florida right [TS]

  but you can put a basket of eggs on the [TS]

  counter for a lot longer than you can [TS]

  put up more than a day or a lot longer [TS]

  you put container of cream on the [TS]

  counter and the eggs are just fun [TS]

  they're just fine where do you stand up [TS]

  butter you leave butter out i do leave [TS]

  you leave butter out on the counter [TS]

  I leave it out on the counter covered in [TS]

  a little butter dish on hot days when I [TS]

  looked down in the butter is clearly [TS]

  softening i'll put it in the fridge to [TS]

  like put it back together my mom is of [TS]

  the my mom has a strong feeling about [TS]

  rancid honest [TS]

  yeah I'm friend my friend dr. Don is [TS]

  always I advising me on these things [TS]

  because there's differences you get [TS]

  spoilage you can get like there's a [TS]

  difference there's different things that [TS]

  happened to food is there isn't one way [TS]

  that food can go bad there's a variety [TS]

  of different ways and fat all fat based [TS]

  foods will get rancid which affects the [TS]

  taste of them huh [TS]

  but not necessarily the edibility you [TS]

  can eat rancid butter [TS]

  yeah it's a bad word it's a bad punk [TS]

  band you if i remember correctly done [TS]

  you've enjoyed living on this particular [TS]

  edge for a long time you your fella who [TS]

  will see some leftover spaghetti and can [TS]

  and just gonna go out it i feel like the [TS]

  I feel like the the the bleeding edge of [TS]

  spoiled food is a place that I'm you [TS]

  know i am the chuck yeager of the sound [TS]

  barrier of eating almost spoiled food if [TS]

  you're out there you get the training at [TS]

  the helmet I can see the curvature of [TS]

  the earth [TS]

  uh-huh I can you know I all I can hear [TS]

  is the sound of my own breath in my [TS]

  helmet and I more than the thing is my [TS]

  you know my mom has this like farm gal [TS]

  wisdom about things that's obviously now [TS]

  transmuted through 50 years of 60 years [TS]

  of city life right like if you were to [TS]

  give my mom a live chicken and let's say [TS]

  thank you for all and you could give her [TS]

  a wallet that through ever mention why [TS]

  still carry it but if you invent for the [TS]

  sake of argument you gave this cyclist [TS]

  in which country gal you get this you [TS]

  get this gal I've chicken if you give [TS]

  her a live chicken in a plastic fork and [TS]

  you say we're hungry [TS]

  would my mom yes she would be able to [TS]

  turn that chicken into a food food [TS]

  quality chicken it wouldn't be pretty [TS]

  uh-huh but she has she has she has [TS]

  knowledge at every step and she has a [TS]

  lack of queasiness and a lack of [TS]

  sentimentality both things is perfectly [TS]

  suited to a live chicken so you know [TS]

  she's seen she's seen she's seen her [TS]

  grandfather killer killer chicken by [TS]

  swinging it around by its head seemed a [TS]

  fish it [TS]

  she's seemed so see it keeps in the old [TS]

  days apparently uh you know you have [TS]

  this image of like granddad with a [TS]

  hatchet on a stump out in the yard [TS]

  uh-huh and you put the chicken on the [TS]

  wii u know you pull the chicken's neck [TS]

  across the stump and you whack it with [TS]

  the hatchet and then you you know and [TS]

  then [TS]

  supposedly right at chicken run around [TS]

  her blood spurting out this is all old [TS]

  world forum imagery that for me that [TS]

  totally rings true [TS]

  yeah here's the chicken years the [TS]

  headless chicken running around in the [TS]

  yard all the kids screaming because it's [TS]

  like it's like turning the training the [TS]

  sprinkler on except it's chicken blood [TS]

  check the sprinkler this is how farm [TS]

  people live [TS]

  yes but according to do any different [TS]

  yeah well you know what do you do you [TS]

  want chicken ya gonna have to make [TS]

  sprinkler one of the amazing things that [TS]

  my mom has told me is that they can't [TS]

  chickens which is to say look like put [TS]

  them up as they say they blew the whole [TS]

  chicken into a jar [TS]

  yeah and then candidate in this in the [TS]

  old-style boil it and then stick a lid [TS]

  on it like a man not a bell jar but I [TS]

  like him not me [TS]

  mason jar containing a canning jar belt [TS]

  it was called you know damn well yeah [TS]

  but not the Belgium but no not only [TS]

  Sylvia Plath chicken [TS]

  yeah we're not gonna bell jar about [TS]

  we're gonna bell jar I wouldn't I [TS]

  wouldn't leave so we applied to the [TS]

  cooking and then you go into the base [TS]

  get out of the kitchen and there's on [TS]

  the wall in the in the larder are all [TS]

  these canned whole chickens chickens in [TS]

  a jar and uncooked well no cooked in the [TS]

  sense that you have to cook it too [TS]

  can I was sure good minutes then you [TS]

  could put but you don't need to [TS]

  you don't need to refrigerate them right [TS]

  because they're pasteurized or something [TS]

  some they're not pasteurized but look in [TS]

  the canning process you have you have [TS]

  eliminated that this might be a good [TS]

  place to just mention in passing that as [TS]

  much as John and I know about many many [TS]

  things before before you go real deeply [TS]

  into storing chicken in a warm room you [TS]

  might want to do your own due diligence [TS]

  on [TS]

  yeah i'm going to assume that there were [TS]

  storytellers work for people haha [TS]

  there's a certain number of people [TS]

  listening to this program will already [TS]

  know all about the right now this down [TS]

  okay so the chicken again getting put in [TS]

  a jar [TS]

  alright well are getting a lot i gotta [TS]

  get larder so-so but she tells the story [TS]

  of her grandfather and I don't [TS]

  understand this I've never quite figured [TS]

  out this is the type of question that [TS]

  I'm so busy taking mental notes when my [TS]

  mom is telling stories that they're [TS]

  there [TS]

  additional questions that I just don't [TS]

  have time to ask because there's so much [TS]

  hate there are so many other questions [TS]

  working down but grandfather her [TS]

  grandfather would take chickens in the [TS]

  basement and chop their heads off and [TS]

  play and so the chicken would run around [TS]

  in the basement with the Bloods burning [TS]

  and the kids all running like yeah well [TS]

  this like headless zombie chicken is is [TS]

  like spraying blood all over the room [TS]

  and it's like why wouldn't you do in the [TS]

  yard that is the question I didn't ask [TS]

  because I was so stunned by this image [TS]

  of like granddad killing changes my [TS]

  great-grandfather killing chickens in [TS]

  the basement and I'm you know in my mind [TS]

  was like what is the it was probably not [TS]

  like a rec room basement i'm guessing [TS]

  it's not a finished basement with bumper [TS]

  pool and Farrah Fawcett poster [TS]

  no no the heart is open light and stuff [TS]

  like that I think it's a classic [TS]

  basement which is full of potatoes them [TS]

  yes get anybody in America the club [TS]

  classic basement it's going to do with a [TS]

  nap I'll are they on shelves are the [TS]

  organized in any way I think that there [TS]

  was there's like a giant bin full of [TS]

  root vegetables okay you get a nap in [TS]

  there's maybe a hopper there's were [TS]

  probably of way in which the coal man [TS]

  can deliver Cole through an outside door [TS]

  and similarly and call the potato man [TS]

  well you're the potato man right in this [TS]

  situation you and I would be potato man [TS]

  but the coal man comes and there's a [TS]

  little door he opens on the side of the [TS]

  house and and cold goes down the coal [TS]

  chute [TS]

  ok into the cold up here upstairs and [TS]

  you're busy cooking channel chicken [TS]

  image are you don't have to be disturbed [TS]

  you to call man [TS]

  yeah that's right here the cold coming [TS]

  down the coal chute he's got he's got [TS]

  he's got like I got a whole truck [TS]

  probably are cool card or a cold Lori [TS]

  yeah i think it's probably cold truck by [TS]

  this point [TS]

  ok and then you've got shelves which are [TS]

  full of jars with chickens and [TS]

  what other what you you are put up [TS]

  applause pleasant people put up some [TS]

  vegetables put a lot of trips [TS]

  well because all of your fruits and [TS]

  vegetables they uh they arrived on the [TS]

  scene when they are ripe and then [TS]

  immediately began writing and you have [TS]

  no there's no grocery where these things [TS]

  are available all year round ship to you [TS]

  from Chile and so you as soon as things [TS]

  are ripe you immediately get this [TS]

  assembly line process where you are [TS]

  putting them in jars so that you can eat [TS]

  them so you can survive the winter [TS]

  ok and this is you know this is post [TS]

  modern society for me to talk about the [TS]

  forties here [TS]

  yeah but you know all around the world [TS]

  people still still doing this because [TS]

  the winter is the hard time and there's [TS]

  no supermarket right so she talks about [TS]

  all this stuff and she and she has a [TS]

  very low opinion of the sort of [TS]

  back-to-the-landers she had a low [TS]

  opinion of the back-to-the-landers in [TS]

  the sixties who were like hippies [TS]

  they're like we're going back to the [TS]

  line foxfire people but she says she has [TS]

  no higher regard for say an artisanal [TS]

  pickles store but that stuff like the [TS]

  twirly moustache stuff [TS]

  yeah her feeling about it is do you know [TS]

  how hard that is [TS]

  you really have no sense of how hard [TS]

  that is no one does that because it's [TS]

  cute [TS]

  maybe like selling at the dolls made out [TS]

  of corn stalks that's not funny i think [TS]

  that's funny to get you well people are [TS]

  doing it i just opened Sunset magazine [TS]

  the other day and they were like ugly [TS]

  corns to call home for sale they're only [TS]

  $425 but I but yeah she's like you know [TS]

  I mean it's cute it's great to have like [TS]

  six chickens and go out and and get eggs [TS]

  from them like that's just adorable but [TS]

  if you are really trying to live off of [TS]

  those chickens your life becomes a like [TS]

  a Hobbesian hellscape very fast [TS]

  uh-huh and then you've got headless [TS]

  chickens running around in your basement [TS]

  and the kids are laughing with glee [TS]

  because it's the only exciting thing [TS]

  that's happened in weeks [TS]

  so outside no she you know she talked [TS]

  about like we would take the wet sheets [TS]

  out and hang them in the in the winter [TS]

  we would hang them on the on the [TS]

  clotheslines the sopping wet sheets [TS]

  because there's no better way to dry [TS]

  them and then you'd go out after a while [TS]

  with a with my co a tennis racket type [TS]

  of whisker whipper if i can afford [TS]

  tension there's a laundry racket laundry [TS]

  racket that's right yeah but yeah they [TS]

  it's not that they couldn't afford a [TS]

  tennis racket but they wouldn't there's [TS]

  no it's not like they're running tennis [TS]

  courts and then word Ohio probably in [TS]

  1940 and then so they go and they beat [TS]

  the sheets and the ice would break off [TS]

  and that was how you drive [TS]

  that's how you drive your laundry [TS]

  humidity solo when it's that cold [TS]

  yeah you let the ice freeze and then you [TS]

  break the ice off of it and you know wha [TS]

  huh [TS]

  anyway I didn't mean to I didn't mean to [TS]

  go so far so fast into farm life [TS]

  no no I think you and I know so much [TS]

  about as we do about microwaving eggs [TS]

  and coffee cups but yea different you [TS]

  know [TS]

  also all by way of saying and butter [TS]

  eggs eggs eggs and butter [TS]

  you left him out on the counter and he [TS]

  left a big pot of like lard on the stove [TS]

  whenever you needed to cook an egg you [TS]

  just you didn't use butter huh [TS]

  dip the spoon in the large pot and fry [TS]

  the egg in lard and I think that's [TS]

  something that's been lost we're not [TS]

  even we don't even know what eggs taste [TS]

  like we're not even living because I've [TS]

  had I've had eggs and sometimes in fancy [TS]

  artisanal places but especially in New [TS]

  Zealand in canadia man they know from [TS]

  makes you realize the eggs we get here [TS]

  seem really kind of light yellow now [TS]

  when you get a nice like a dark orange [TS]

  egg look at those like a different egg [TS]

  mmm mmm those new zealand eggs famous [TS]

  well they also got incredible bacon [TS]

  there i mean the bacon is like a TV on [TS]

  Irish bacon it's amazing it's it's like [TS]

  a little big inhale [TS]

  Hamish bacon steak no Hamish bacon I [TS]

  loved his books he was great with a lost [TS]

  aztec camera right Hamish bacon know [TS]

  that was his father ok so mr. don't get [TS]

  me started thinking is my father [TS]

  actually actually actually it's a bacon [TS]

  scenes monster [TS]

  mm uh now i know the Canadians have 40 [TS]

  different kinds of bacon is that right [TS]

  yeah four different kinds of bacon [TS]

  they don't call a Canadian bacon [TS]

  obviously just like that silly host [TS]

  today did call them UK Wham [TS]

  yeah in England they do know what about [TS]

  Charlotte Charlotte into a one time I [TS]

  think they were legally required to be [TS]

  charlatans UK that's right and don't [TS]

  know what about dinosaur jr. is that [TS]

  legal illegal they were originally there [TS]

  was some like old band called dinosaur [TS]

  and so they had to call themselves [TS]

  Dinosaur Jr I think with no period [TS]

  yeah I think dinosaur if i recall was [TS]

  like one of those German bands like can [TS]

  or com film festival [TS]

  yeah where they you know it was like [TS]

  rockets but we pop and one your party [TS]

  resisted the balloon guitar [TS]

  yeah yeah I thought it was like a good [TS]

  old hippie band but in any case they [TS]

  were doing [TS]

  that's what the hippies were really [TS]

  doing the hippies were really doing [TS]

  krautrock yeah absolutely not [TS]

  ninety-nine percent of all hippies were [TS]

  actually doing crowd didn't know it John [TS]

  it's pre pre crowd so you're saying this [TS]

  is that it's like guys like calculus [TS]

  like we are just kind of discovered in [TS]

  are we all we all got the motor sound if [TS]

  you're living in like West Virginia you [TS]

  might find yourself playing Crockett not [TS]

  know it might find yourself living in a [TS]

  shotgun Shack who um cheap humans do is [TS]

  annoy sure they're pretty spectacular [TS]

  never listened to I'd ensues grounds it [TS]

  was on salad yeah I mean I 5 i'm aware [TS]

  of them but I was see I don't it's weird [TS]

  it's like to me like like say for [TS]

  example kraftwerk is the kraut rock as [TS]

  nirvana is to grunge where it's one of [TS]

  those things where i go from you really [TS]

  think of that like feels into enough [TS]

  krautrock a craft work doesn't really [TS]

  seem like rock band I think noi and and [TS]

  can are more like lastly what i would [TS]

  consider a crock man yeah i think what [TS]

  you man I don't mean to paraphrase you [TS]

  or [TS]

  to correct you not at all lord knows but [TS]

  a craft work is to krautrock as nirvana [TS]

  is too Punk because Nirvana basically [TS]

  defined groans which didn't exist before [TS]

  i took the acct I never took the SATs so [TS]

  I'm not very good at these things i feel [TS]

  like i've always thought I said to you [TS]

  for years now the thing is like it [TS]

  wasn't even with all this time behind at [TS]

  the time [TS]

  Nirvana sounded nothing to me like the [TS]

  canonical we talked to so many fucking [TS]

  times [TS]

  Nirvanix at the time did not sound to me [TS]

  like other things that were considered [TS]

  grunge when it you know i mean even now [TS]

  you back and listen you're like there's [TS]

  some stuff like the bleach era stuff we [TS]

  go yeah I can kind of see that but [TS]

  they're closer to like a Mudhoney to me [TS]

  dance like closer than they are like a [TS]

  pearl jam but this is the thing google [TS]

  the word grunge and we have talked about [TS]

  this a lot yeah the word grunge was a [TS]

  was a retroactive Appalachian so Nirvana [TS]

  didn't sound like grunge but until [TS]

  Nirvana there was no such thing as [TS]

  crunch right i mean it's not like Mark [TS]

  arm ever describe i mean he actually [TS]

  coined the term but he did it [TS]

  sarcastically [TS]

  it's in some ways not totally dissimilar [TS]

  from the beatles and the british [TS]

  invasion because the British Invasion [TS]

  bands don't sound that much like that [TS]

  for the beatles except for the ones who [TS]

  basically just sound like the Beatles [TS]

  who don't mean like that you do you [TS]

  consider the animals and the kinks let [TS]

  me know animals in the kinks to me are [TS]

  British Invasion bands but like Paul [TS]

  Revere and the Raiders a great band [TS]

  Rory storm in the hurt go storming the [TS]

  Hurricanes 30 [TS]

  well you know like what about die toten [TS]

  hosen die toten hosen ah you know see I [TS]

  think that that I'm gonna call that a [TS]

  canary trap i think that might not be a [TS]

  band i think you're testing me die toten [TS]

  hosen huh actually meet saying that make [TS]

  it real [TS]

  it means the dead trousers ok for the [TS]

  deadpan something i don't know you know [TS]

  I don't know if germans call their pants [TS]

  trousers they call him home yet pants [TS]

  underwear chosen chosen this is that the [TS]

  superclass of lower body which covers [TS]

  yeah it's all hosen husband wasn't all [TS]

  that but but die toten hosen literally [TS]

  all the way down foo I toten hosen are [TS]

  the tote toten hosen [TS]

  are you not a professor doesn't mean [TS]

  that apparently dead [TS]

  oh ok and so a advanced advanced [TS]

  placement the dead milkmen and I see [TS]

  other too jokey name [TS]

  yeah but about pans that's a very short [TS]

  name is German things go well and i'm [TS]

  not even sure like you know what what [TS]

  constitutes a joke in german band names [TS]

  I don't have not even sure what day [TS]

  toten hosen are like am but they might [TS]

  even still be a band [TS]

  hi I'm it's like they're the Scorpions [TS]

  of weird funky i'm from German hip-hop [TS]

  maybe i'm not i don't know that much [TS]

  about Daytona knows but I do know that I [TS]

  bet you know more than most people [TS]

  according to google translate die toten [TS]

  hosen translates to the dead pants I'll [TS]

  see you there is that means i have had a [TS]

  Hungarian friend that was Barry into die [TS]

  toten hosen ok and actually traveled [TS]

  around with them but he was I don't [TS]

  think that they have it like a Grateful [TS]

  Dead vibe at all but they do have a [TS]

  Grateful Dead component which is that [TS]

  people travel around with them and sell [TS]

  things in the parking lot at least my [TS]

  friend did and what he sold in the [TS]

  parking lot he had a friend my friend's [TS]

  name was our pod which is a popular [TS]

  Hungarian name him and his friend was [TS]

  named Zoltan an interesting name is a [TS]

  great name and Zoltan actually was a [TS]

  Hungarian living in Romania and Zoltan [TS]

  made magic tricks out of matchboxes that [TS]

  he would sell it was like four kids [TS]

  ready take an aftermarket a matchbox and [TS]

  and and turn into a magic trick [TS]

  yeah exactly like it's a matchbox and [TS]

  then I think it's a thing where because [TS]

  matchboxes still a big industry in [TS]

  Romania and he would make a magic trick [TS]

  out i think it's one of those things [TS]

  where you put a quarter in one side and [TS]

  then you'd close the matchbox and then [TS]

  you'd push it out the other side and [TS]

  like where the quarter go classic type [TS]

  of like here and you'd sell that for a [TS]

  couple of settings or what [TS]

  over at the at the parking lot of the [TS]

  die toten hosen show hmm [TS]

  John word a soundtrack let me see if I [TS]

  can get you hear that [TS]

  ok velvet elvis dressing was out will ya [TS]

  some dude who just have say that that [TS]

  was a google translate lady [TS]

  Oh South the trick double-quick at the [TS]

  Daytona nosin but then our pod didn't do [TS]

  magic tricks he made like little what am [TS]

  I gonna say friendship bracelets know [TS]

  because he he didn't believe in [TS]

  friendship [TS]

  ok something else something harder [TS]

  darker haha oh ok it's like the opposite [TS]

  of of a grand flu nor it's like you are [TS]

  its people you just shouldn't be with [TS]

  its Appetit balloon empty feeling [TS]

  ah latifah loon the people haha so up [TS]

  but we had friendship we believe in [TS]

  friendship the three of us and I never [TS]

  want to die toten hosen concert but i [TS]

  did play many times with the little [TS]

  contraptions that they built out of like [TS]

  kind of found materials people who enjoy [TS]

  die toten hosen they find themselves [TS]

  thinking you know this is a good show [TS]

  i'm having fun as always I a I enjoy [TS]

  hearing this music I could use a key [TS]

  matchbox magic trick [TS]

  yeah you're coming into the show you're [TS]

  going out of the show and you're like [TS]

  sure what am I going to get my young [TS]

  message something for the kids yeah but [TS]

  i also i feel like maybe it was the [TS]

  maybe they were selling those things we [TS]

  had a pretty complicated relationship [TS]

  and I did actually go to a couple of [TS]

  European Ren Faires boy with with these [TS]

  two and they set up a little card table [TS]

  and we're selling their wares at the ren [TS]

  faire so it was it was a thing that they [TS]

  did kind of a circuit and while they [TS]

  were selling their stuff i kinda just [TS]

  like it wandering around the ren faire [TS]

  it's not so much about whether it's [TS]

  precisely suitable for the topic of a [TS]

  given event it's more like how you are [TS]

  able to sell things [TS]

  yeah right like we have these things we [TS]

  need money [TS]

  we actually don't have these things we [TS]

  are going to make these things in order [TS]

  to make enough money to [TS]

  go to the Daytona nose and shows little [TS]

  came around to by Ramones themed [TS]

  clothing items [TS]

  ok which were also popular at least with [TS]

  our pod as all tendon he wasn't into the [TS]

  remotes the same ok ok anyway so yeah we [TS]

  traveled together for a little while I [TS]

  went to a couple of Ren Faires heard a [TS]

  lot of stories about the you know the [TS]

  like heavy metal parking lot [TS]

  alternate life that they would lead but [TS]

  I didn't have any first-hand experience [TS]

  with it i did try to meet our pod [TS]

  outside of Vienna one time for a [TS]

  Metallica concert and when we arrived at [TS]

  the site of the metallica concert there [TS]

  was no one there giant empty field I was [TS]

  coming from one direction he was coming [TS]

  from the other we met at the appointed [TS]

  time I said what the fuck i spent a lot [TS]

  of time and effort getting to this field [TS]

  there's no Metallica concert here and he [TS]

  said it was cancelled like a month ago [TS]

  oh no but neither one of us had any way [TS]

  of contacting the other one he came [TS]

  anyway [TS]

  well but he didn't know either oh so [TS]

  there was no way if one of us had known [TS]

  we could contact the other but [TS]

  apparently there was also no way to know [TS]

  that this thing had been canceled [TS]

  because we have this was pre cellphone [TS]

  is a simple simple country ways so we [TS]

  just were like you know riding our [TS]

  little horse carts or whatever too this [TS]

  field what you do instead the jam we [TS]

  went to we went back to Vienna we hung [TS]

  out a and there was a there was actually [TS]

  a summer concert in vienna on one of the [TS]

  little islands that are in the middle of [TS]

  the sort of old Danube because you know [TS]

  they channeled the Danube a long time [TS]

  ago and made it into a giant sort of [TS]

  super fast moving death canal [TS]

  oh really yeah but you have a lot of [TS]

  meetings to do something like that [TS]

  well see the Austrians were really good [TS]

  at that stuff they were tall hat mmm [TS]

  very tall boots and they were like what [TS]

  but you know the reason that Vienna is [TS]

  where [TS]

  is let me not just I don't want to just [TS]

  go completely he was helping you get [TS]

  some context because I don't you just [TS]

  gotta I got nowhere with how the dangers [TS]

  got rerouted i mentioned a lot of [TS]

  meetings you get cultural significance [TS]

  to get you can have to have some [TS]

  geographers in right you get songs about [TS]

  right right you got some-some probably [TS]

  of volcanologist well so here's the [TS]

  Danube okay i see it ok alright start it [TS]

  starts up in Germany that's under comes [TS]

  down okay and it gets to this sort of [TS]

  plane where Vienna is now and it's sort [TS]

  of the mountains are over here the other [TS]

  mountains are over here but there's this [TS]

  big wide flat plane and the Danube like [TS]

  went spider doubt into a huge sort of [TS]

  Delta but you know it's nowhere near its [TS]

  headwaters nowhere near the mouth of it [TS]

  so it's not a delta like you would like [TS]

  the Mississippi Delta where the Blues [TS]

  were formed right it's just a big [TS]

  styling Klaus does blouse [TS]

  it's a dozen ecp blouse a it's a it's [TS]

  just an area where the river separates [TS]

  out into a thousand little rivulets and [TS]

  a big swampy morass yeah and so that's [TS]

  no place for a guitar swampy morass well [TS]

  known in that particular one [TS]

  oh I see what you're saying so it's not [TS]

  so there's no Viennese blues what kind [TS]

  of others a Viennese blues then also [TS]

  they don't have any black people there i [TS]

  don't think a soccer tort is what the [TS]

  big event Viennese blues soccer I see is [TS]

  a Vietnamese no no I think at siena [TS]

  calling me a call ok sit Germany up here [TS]

  you got this guy over here [TS]

  that's right though in the olden times [TS]

  as you're traveling around the Danube [TS]

  would be a very difficult river to get [TS]

  across this very large river but here it [TS]

  its it like spread out into this wide [TS]

  swampy area and it enabled you to get [TS]

  across it because i had to do was get [TS]

  across this little river and then that [TS]

  little river [TS]

  so it was a it was a place that even [TS]

  though it was a kind of swampy pestilent [TS]

  place it was a spot that you could you [TS]

  and your camp train could get across the [TS]

  river so Vienna was situated there as a [TS]

  sort of like this was a trading [TS]

  crossroads and then as the Austrians [TS]

  really gathered themselves into the [TS]

  uniform wearing giant cement eagle [TS]

  building Empire people of of much later [TS]

  who they were like we did we no longer [TS]

  want a pestilence swamp here and so they [TS]

  channeled they channeled and channeled [TS]

  and channel the Danube isn't this in [TS]

  twentieth-century no prior to the 20th [TS]

  century no kidding [TS]

  they were doing this work a long channel [TS]

  channel channel sounds like a lot of [TS]

  work in that in the 19th century i might [TS]

  it was it started even before that Kenny [TS]

  yeah they were saying like let's get [TS]

  this river into some kind of ship shape [TS]

  and as a channel that of course the [TS]

  river became deep and fast moving but [TS]

  that wasn't their problem and then all [TS]

  the little spidery Little rivers that [TS]

  used to make up the Danube wide spot [TS]

  became little ponds longfin pawns who [TS]

  and on one of the islands in the middle [TS]

  of one of those ponds are pot and I [TS]

  happened upon wait for it [TS]

  sheryl crow concert [TS]

  yeah she was playing with a oh what what [TS]

  why do I one is it is it a band or [TS]

  artist did that we would know [TS]

  yes it's joe cocker Congress opening for [TS]

  sheryl crow know Joe Cocker and chokro [TS]

  were somehow playing together everything [TS]

  co-headlining I think Cheryl might have [TS]

  been opening for Joe but they were [TS]

  playing together okay here onstage at [TS]

  the same time it was a great sound [TS]

  unusual things just kind of run into it [TS]

  was you and the only way that we've been [TS]

  we were walking along and there was [TS]

  music playing and you know that's like [TS]

  austria in the summer people are out [TS]

  nude sunbathing you [TS]

  huh unicycling and all the things they [TS]

  do that for many people love to walk [TS]

  they are big big big walkers and nude [TS]

  they like to walk nude [TS]

  yeah they're nudes there you know if you [TS]

  are you familiar with the concept of a [TS]

  never-nude I just from a TV program [TS]

  that's not a real thing that i sent ya [TS]

  know you have never knew that's [TS]

  different from Mormons from sorry [TS]

  latter-day church Saints better day [TS]

  Saints scientists different states same [TS]

  same just yeah there are no no that's a [TS]

  different thing they have special [TS]

  underwear as we know you're not just [TS]

  making it to spice folk a joke [TS]

  no never nudes are kind of people I'm [TS]

  sure there are some never news listening [TS]

  to our program who just never want never [TS]

  will ever let anyone else ever see them [TS]

  nude never-nude ever announced never no [TS]

  never no never no never needs yeah yeah [TS]

  and but I mean they did their part of [TS]

  the quiet quietly part of the the [TS]

  lifestyle [TS]

  yeah it's a thing where is it a [TS]

  lifestyle John might be normative mmm I [TS]

  don't think that this is the thing about [TS]

  never nudes my senses that they do not [TS]

  congregate oh so they're never knew [TS]

  never knew then that solitude never [TS]

  never need solitude never-nude solitude [TS]

  I think that it is possible that you [TS]

  could go on several dates with somebody [TS]

  can come up and it would never come up [TS]

  and then you're like you know what I [TS]

  love you [TS]

  if this is I'm talk about old times sure [TS]

  you would say I love you to somebody [TS]

  that you've never taking their clothes [TS]

  off and they would say i love you too [TS]

  and you would say let's get married and [TS]

  they would say great you'd say I think [TS]

  we should save ourselves for marriage [TS]

  and they would say I agree and then you [TS]

  would get married and then you would be [TS]

  in your wedding bed and you would try to [TS]

  take off their blouse or there or that [TS]

  their knickers their hosen their hoes in [TS]

  you would grab the hose and try and pull [TS]

  them off and the other person would say [TS]

  ah i do not take off the hose and we [TS]

  need to have the talk and then you're [TS]

  like whoa i just got I just like God [TS]

  invested in the thing i didn't even know [TS]

  what they thought about I never knew no [TS]

  poke never needed that's right never [TS]

  knew the polk huh [TS]

  and so I don't know at that point I [TS]

  don't know enough about never needs to [TS]

  know like wow they do other things [TS]

  poop like for example good and want [TS]

  something classic examples like if you [TS]

  find yourself very attracted to somebody [TS]

  who had a very different diet than you [TS]

  for example if you are ravenous [TS]

  carnivore and you fall in love with a [TS]

  man who's a vegan like that's going to [TS]

  come up with in the first probably the [TS]

  first date the first time you spend any [TS]

  time together you're going to think oh [TS]

  yeah well for example like i read an [TS]

  article recently about how many [TS]

  relationships are quietly troubled by [TS]

  how much the people hate the TV shows [TS]

  the other person watches me to hold the [TS]

  whole classic like do I get the remote [TS]

  thing but there's a lot apparently you [TS]

  know I'm saying these are the kinds of [TS]

  things that in today's society will come [TS]

  up in this case you're saying and never [TS]

  nude walk to the altar and then and then [TS]

  later on in the next day or two if [TS]

  there's a big reveal which is that there [TS]

  won't be a reveal right so I think if [TS]

  you are somebody who if you're somebody [TS]

  who's like let's leave the lights off [TS]

  when you're having you know special time [TS]

  convivial relations especially again [TS]

  olden times right that's that was [TS]

  considered okay and normal [TS]

  well but there weren't lights right the [TS]

  Sun went down and it was time to do a [TS]

  little thing and if the moonlight was [TS]

  coming in the window [TS]

  it's not like you're gonna light a [TS]

  candle in order to in order to make [TS]

  whoopee candles expensive cameras are [TS]

  expensive [TS]

  based on these two separate on fire [TS]

  there's a kind of knowing i learned this [TS]

  week is a kind of New England bird that [TS]

  went extinct almost went instinct just [TS]

  because the cheapest way you could like [TS]

  basically tear that again with the head [TS]

  tearing each other head out this thing [TS]

  you put a we can set the house on fire [TS]

  no good soil or whatever it was [TS]

  equivalent again you know you should [TS]

  check this out before you do it on your [TS]

  own don't you go kill a bird and set on [TS]

  fire but apparently yeah that's the [TS]

  thing and it because just specifically [TS]

  because candles were so expensive [TS]

  would the goose remain on its feet we [TS]

  can get along the ground like like like [TS]

  a goose rumba [TS]

  well I don't know if it would keep [TS]

  walking but like let's let's picture a [TS]

  goose tell you something I get what [TS]

  you're saying if you get in the right [TS]

  position before you tear the head off [TS]

  you might have a nice table lamp yeah [TS]

  like a litem wow it's like you know [TS]

  taxidermy needs meat practical lighting [TS]

  you know what I feel like three up and [TS]

  three issues of Sunset magazine from now [TS]

  we're going to see an artisanal goose [TS]

  land [TS]

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by braintree code [TS]

  for easy online payments you're looking [TS]

  to set up payments for your business [TS]

  braintree gives your app or website a [TS]

  payment solution that accepts just about [TS]

  every payment method with one very [TS]

  simple integration is dropping some code [TS]

  and you're good to go [TS]

  Plus braintree will give you the first [TS]

  fifty thousand dollars in transactions [TS]

  fee-free you can learn more about this [TS]

  right now we're going to braintree [TS]

  payments calm / supertrain now here's [TS]

  the thing maybe you're working on the [TS]

  next super your maybe your part of the [TS]

  app class and you want to make the next [TS]

  debris the next Airbnb get hub will then [TS]

  heck why not use the same simple payment [TS]

  solution that help them to become what [TS]

  they are today there's literally no [TS]

  reason not to braintree makes mobile [TS]

  payments so fast and easy and seamless [TS]

  it is almost magical I think for legal [TS]

  reasons they're not allowed to say [TS]

  that's actually magical but but I can't [TS]

  say I'm not a lawyer you had this thing [TS]

  your appt with literally just a few [TS]

  lines of code literally like that's the [TS]

  fourth time I've said that and now [TS]

  you're instantly ready to accept Apple [TS]

  pay android pay paypal then mo credit [TS]

  cards perhaps you've heard of them [TS]

  mm even Bitcoin space dollars and if [TS]

  some other way comes along you can bet [TS]

  braintree will be there to support that [TS]

  to bring treats fast payouts and [TS]

  continuous support mean you'll always be [TS]

  ready whether you're earning your first [TS]

  dollar or you're billion-dollar you're [TS]

  going to see fewer abandoned carts and [TS]

  more sales with brain trees [TS]

  best-in-class mobile checkout experience [TS]

  to check this out for yourself which you [TS]

  really should do and to get that first [TS]

  fifty thousand dollars in transaction [TS]

  fee free please is it [TS]

  braintree payments dot-com / supertrain [TS]

  braintree payments calm / supertrain our [TS]

  thanks to braintree for taking the pain [TS]

  out of online payments and for [TS]

  supporting Roderick lost it may not be [TS]

  made out of a real group just carve the [TS]

  goose out of wax yes [TS]

  ya know anyway so we where we know where [TS]

  the sheryl crow concert in on the danube [TS]

  well i'm wondering when you were first [TS]

  beginning to know others typically in [TS]

  there altogether in the biblical sense [TS]

  were you and what were you in a dark [TS]

  room [TS]

  the this is awkward [TS]

  dr. heard how dark was well okay i mean [TS]

  i could think specifically of you know [TS]

  what to say i'm gonna say in the [TS]

  important first touches it was almost [TS]

  always in a in a dark place not least [TS]

  because there was not a place for you [TS]

  know 14 year old kids 15 year old kids [TS]

  to go to do these things so you have to [TS]

  drink et al in the movie years [TS]

  yeah so one of the first times I was [TS]

  ever visited upon was during ET this [TS]

  isn't a thing where you cut a hole in [TS]

  the bottom of popcorn that's a whole [TS]

  next level kind of thing up [TS]

  I you know that that died gotta tell you [TS]

  that feels like I I don't want the real [TS]

  this that feels gonna admit to me that I [TS]

  don't understand logistical e how you [TS]

  pull that off with any butterly pull [TS]

  well I mean setting aside the hot butter [TS]

  like how do you get a hole in a possible [TS]

  so don't set aside the hot butter the [TS]

  hot butter is a key i like I mean just [TS]

  the very the very mechanics of like [TS]

  imagine doing literally anything in the [TS]

  world with your dick out in a movie and [TS]

  somebody not noticing it but also also [TS]

  by the way I have to get a popcorn [TS]

  container and put a hole in it that [TS]

  seems that seems you know that seems to [TS]

  me like the lady doth protest too much [TS]

  that feels like one of those maybe that [TS]

  just got just like fucking popcorn I [TS]

  think anyone that woman to watch there's [TS]

  probably a German name for that I almost [TS]

  certainly there is i don't know the [TS]

  germinating popcorn and pop cuckold i [TS]

  think that there was there is a kind of [TS]

  adolescent horniness [TS]

  yes that you know we all have a very [TS]

  different version of adolescent [TS]

  horniness from extremely adolescent [TS]

  horny too [TS]

  not at all yeah let's be honest but [TS]

  there's this sort of Philip wrong and i [TS]

  have a neil simon play style of nineteen [TS]

  forties adolescents Coney Island [TS]

  horniness [TS]

  oh yeah sure you know where you're just [TS]

  trying to get there is no sec there's no [TS]

  possibility of like sexual gratification [TS]

  except by doing these like weird i mean [TS]

  i think putting your yeah and for those [TS]

  of us who were those of you listening [TS]

  who aren't going forward talking about [TS]

  isn't it has seen Porky's or something [TS]

  like that where that [TS]

  no where you cut a hole in the bottom of [TS]

  your popcorn container and I can see it [TS]

  happening you get into the theater [TS]

  you're sitting next to your date got [TS]

  pocketknife and suddenly ball he pulled [TS]

  a knife in the movie but you've got the [TS]

  popcorn sitting on your lap she's [TS]

  watching the movie [TS]

  this is your entire thing makes [TS]

  absolutely no sense the idea is you [TS]

  here's here's the thing here's the [TS]

  problem statement you go to a movie with [TS]

  the young lady and you wanted to touch [TS]

  your dick so what you have to do well [TS]

  obviously you have to trick her into [TS]

  touching your dick so the notion is you [TS]

  get like a gentleman you bring in a [TS]

  boxes can be a bag it's going to be a [TS]

  box of popcorn right also you know a tub [TS]

  it's a tub [TS]

  okay you're crashing top of topic or you [TS]

  bought a tub of you on top of the movies [TS]

  lately they are big enough it was done [TS]

  ok ok let's get so let's just get [TS]

  through this so because it's important [TS]

  to understand what we're talking about [TS]

  so the idea was number one you want a [TS]

  lady to touch your dick and number two [TS]

  he have to trick her into it you know [TS]

  she's going to be thrilled to [TS]

  accidentally touch your dick for a [TS]

  little bit of a second [TS]

  so what you do is you get your popcorn [TS]

  container in this and we're not saying [TS]

  this is a good or bad thing this is just [TS]

  historical reporting yeah I child say [TS]

  the same thing about like cutting the [TS]

  chicken's head off in the basement [TS]

  absolutely try this at home where [TS]

  journalists and so the notion is you cut [TS]

  a dick sized hole and remember you're [TS]

  probably well your teen interesting [TS]

  might be erect but I think it's [TS]

  important to remember that you're [TS]

  nervous while you're doing this you [TS]

  might not be a wreck you might have a [TS]

  little acorn of a man sitting there I [TS]

  just people i think it really i think it [TS]

  is predicated on the fact that you have [TS]

  a enough teenage horny and I so many [TS]

  problems with this that you are erect [TS]

  all the time ok alright fine but take it [TS]

  as read [TS]

  alright let me continue your honor [TS]

  because go let's talk about this let me [TS]

  be the prosecuting attorney for looks in [TS]

  popcorn let's just presume that even the [TS]

  thought of doing your honor we was [TS]

  excitedly we will stipulate that the [TS]

  young man had an extremely erect penis [TS]

  and we'll even assume for the sake of [TS]

  argument it's just extremely erect small [TS]

  in length and narrow in circumference [TS]

  penis [TS]

  I don't know how you can say that [TS]

  because I want to make this easy on your [TS]

  honor this game I could walk away from [TS]

  this case i don't even III could do this [TS]

  with one dick hot tied behind my back [TS]

  I'm telling you your honor point of [TS]

  order yes you there there are a lot of [TS]

  different sizes of male members there's [TS]

  a lot don't differ [TS]

  Joe Katie as well as we're reporting [TS]

  this how we can how we can speculate [TS]

  i'll make this time I'll make this case [TS]

  with any dick so you got your get your [TS]

  tablet take it [TS]

  let's say let's say you get a nice [TS]

  relatively rigid but cuttable tub of [TS]

  popcorn so what a dick shaped hole in it [TS]

  could be any straight pool but this will [TS]

  help but it's at least big enough to [TS]

  accommodate a dick [TS]

  that's right so you somehow manage let's [TS]

  say let's say you should fly and you're [TS]

  wearing haynes so you're somehow able to [TS]

  get this giant dick of yours out of your [TS]

  pants without anybody noticing is better [TS]

  than erect penis is helping you along [TS]

  the way [TS]

  all right side if you only have to reach [TS]

  in there and like find it so now trying [TS]

  to get out you got a hard-on you got [TS]

  some popcorn [TS]

  you got a pen nice you've got a dickhole [TS]

  and now you somehow are able to [TS]

  manipulate your erect een penis into the [TS]

  food [TS]

  listen you are making this sound [TS]

  difficult i could do this right now you [TS]

  are you thought you could do it right [TS]

  now I could pull a penknife off out if I [TS]

  had a tub of popcorn [TS]

  I could I could very subtly look we're [TS]

  watching a movie right there is not your [TS]

  honor point of personal preference i [TS]

  know that John wears fancy internet [TS]

  underwear that has silver threads in it [TS]

  that do not accommodate a dickhole intro [TS]

  it's true if you have to print way down [TS]

  you're wearing Levi's five ones which [TS]

  have buttons your honor [TS]

  alright alright alright I mean it's not [TS]

  but it's not like it's everyone your [TS]

  honor i'm not saying this is never got [TS]

  some part of the the thrill is the [TS]

  effort [TS]

  okay fair enough i stipulate the point [TS]

  so anyway now you've managed to get your [TS]

  dick into the popcorn dickhole right and [TS]

  then you just wait you wait like a [TS]

  panther behind a log and precisely the [TS]

  same theory as a cigarette load okay you [TS]

  know what is it going to show me what [TS]

  you got to go getting you gotta do when [TS]

  they're not there and then just be [TS]

  patient [TS]

  it might not be that cigarette might be [TS]

  10 cigarettes from now that's right you [TS]

  stick the cigarette load deep into the [TS]

  cigarette purple hopefully you have a [TS]

  paperclip or you emptied that the [TS]

  tobacco out halfway down and you stick [TS]

  this cigarette loading then you fill the [TS]

  tobacco back up and then you put the [TS]

  cigarette back in the victims back and [TS]

  then you wait then you ate and sometimes [TS]

  you wait in the waiting room is afoot [TS]

  it was a foot and you have you have just [TS]

  added [TS]

  the extra wrinkle of not being able to [TS]

  borrow a cigarette from this person and [TS]

  also know you don't know which one it is [TS]

  that's right so you can't say like can i [TS]

  bum a smoke you've just eliminated one [TS]

  of the people at the table from your [TS]

  smoke borrowing racket and you're [TS]

  waiting I'm just waiting for this person [TS]

  to pull that cigarette out not notice [TS]

  that it's been monkeyed with light it [TS]

  and then smoked half of it before the [TS]

  cigarette explodes hilariously so it's [TS]

  the same like once the dick is in the [TS]

  popcorn yeah you're waiting [TS]

  the thrill is in the weight it's in [TS]

  their weight but I i'm also going to get [TS]

  there you're not eating popcorn anymore [TS]

  well you're not gonna eat your own [TS]

  corner yeah so now you get this this [TS]

  poor woman who's there with you and [TS]

  pretending to be interested in you to [TS]

  begin with [TS]

  she then says well maybe as a diversion [TS]

  while we're enjoying the trailer for [TS]

  this program I I'll have a little bit [TS]

  popcorn and so she grabs and so how do [TS]

  how do most teenage girls eat popcorn [TS]

  little bit on you grab one or two maybe [TS]

  you put 434 in your hand like a little [TS]

  bowl so basically you've got half a cup [TS]

  of popcorn out of this entire bucket [TS]

  mm how long is it gonna take cuz you [TS]

  have you ever like youryour what's your [TS]

  fifteen-year-old girl on a date [TS]

  are you gonna fucking dive your hand [TS]

  into the shared bucket of popcorn i [TS]

  agree that you're not and find a [TS]

  glancing dick i agree that you're not i [TS]

  think i think there are a lot of [TS]

  problems with this case here it's gonna [TS]

  take a long time but by the waiting is [TS]

  the hardest part if you know what I mean [TS]

  that's right and here is the thing [TS]

  here's the thing that you're not taking [TS]

  into consideration which is that and as [TS]

  soon as she understands what's happening [TS]

  she's going to run out of the theater [TS]

  it's going to be a terrible experience [TS]

  right but what you are doing as a [TS]

  teenage boy is creating something that [TS]

  you will revisit sort of like Ted Bundy [TS]

  I get it you may email ad into a vest [TS]

  this is where the Coney Island horniness [TS]

  comes in new guys because you're looking [TS]

  for something like to use this word i [TS]

  think it's an ugly old word but you want [TS]

  something that is perverse your it's the [TS]

  same not dissimilar from guys who like [TS]

  to expose themselves there are guys you [TS]

  on the subway and a guy with his dick [TS]

  out on the train like why would you do [TS]

  that [TS]

  like why do you have to masturbate right [TS]

  now well he's actually he's he's back [TS]

  and up some imagery is part of it right [TS]

  he likes the shock of somebody seeing [TS]

  his Johnson on the train because you're [TS]

  ready to relay this album by the way [TS]

  Johnson on the train but in this case [TS]

  it's like someone came ride out on the [TS]

  trail no good and the shock in the eyes [TS]

  the shocking the eyes was so surprised [TS]

  I've I told you I told you write about [TS]

  about the guy that I was sitting at my [TS]

  newsstand [TS]

  you better not you better not be [TS]

  changing the subject away from the dick [TS]

  corn no I'm not alright i was so staying [TS]

  at the newsstand in my old job at the [TS]

  knees [TS]

  i sat on a slightly raised platform [TS]

  behind the cash register and read [TS]

  magazines about like a quilt thing and [TS]

  model training and foreign affairs and I [TS]

  was sitting up there the cash she was [TS]

  not a busy day people were there was [TS]

  somebody over here reading vice make her [TS]

  nose pre-prepared they were reading and [TS]

  might bite might might buy all that [TS]

  might buy in computer magazine [TS]

  what was the prio 2600 the hacker Megan [TS]

  what was the what was the premix weenies [TS]

  one night I was that might but the [TS]

  daybreakers one that was really good [TS]

  night on that long ago that was a great [TS]

  why don't you want riffic the one where [TS]

  they said that what was it not corey [TS]

  feldman but they started the rumor that [TS]

  somebody died [TS]

  somebody died sunday night it wasn't [TS]

  corey feldman it was like oh it's Donna [TS]

  Donna Donna Gabbana boot Luce Danny [TS]

  Bonaduce ug Danny Bonaduce view and at [TS]

  each issue was so lovingly designed like [TS]

  the layout was gorgeous [TS]

  I should have had a subscription but I [TS]

  didn't because I worked in a magazine I [TS]

  learned my lesson I learned my lesson [TS]

  three different times with Harper's yeah [TS]

  with the Atlantic my problem is I soon [TS]

  as I get the subscription [TS]

  by the time the next issue arrives I'm [TS]

  not interested whereas if I have to go [TS]

  to the newsstand and buy enjoy it a lot [TS]

  more [TS]

  yeah I think you're right i think you I [TS]

  agree and that was part of the business [TS]

  model of having a new state so you're on [TS]

  the stand so I'm sitting there [TS]

  understand i'm reading a magazine [TS]

  yeah the guy walks in walks up to the [TS]

  stand he says can I ask you a question [TS]

  and I said yeah course that's what I'm [TS]

  here for [TS]

  I was pretty sarcastic working at the [TS]

  newsstand sure kind of famously a guy [TS]

  came in one time kind of in a hurry and [TS]

  he was like you got the local paper here [TS]

  and I looked up from the magazine i was [TS]

  reading at the time and I said [TS]

  very slowly what kind of a newsstand [TS]

  would we be if we didn't have the local [TS]

  paper and he said was his response he [TS]

  said thanks for making me feel like an [TS]

  asshole turn around stormed out and [TS]

  about three years later i was involved [TS]

  in a group of people who and I can talk [TS]

  about this now but we would we would [TS]

  dress all in black and climb up in the [TS]

  middle of the night and deface [TS]

  billboards [TS]

  oh you're a culture jammer yeah what [TS]

  culture jamming that's right we have [TS]

  this whole thing where we would look at [TS]

  billboard's a man we would print out a [TS]

  new words in the same font and we would [TS]

  get up and wheat paste so that the so [TS]

  that the the like the heartbeat of [TS]

  America Chevy the heartbeat of America [TS]

  truck ad would say you know I have a [TS]

  small penis [TS]

  nice you know some real culture jam and [TS]

  sure nobody's gonna see that coming [TS]

  right so i was in a group of these [TS]

  people and one of my fellow culture [TS]

  jammers was talking to me and you know [TS]

  we do we tried to use only code names [TS]

  ah nice case we were busted but he was [TS]

  like where do I know you from and i said [TS]

  i work at the newsstand and he said oh [TS]

  one time I went in there and and that [TS]

  guy that works in the middle of the day [TS]

  was like what kind of a newsstand we be [TS]

  if we did a little paper and I was like [TS]

  fuck you man and stormed out i never go [TS]

  in that place anymore and I was like oh [TS]

  shit that was me but I didn't say [TS]

  anything [TS]

  whoo boy that I know that guy he's a [TS]

  real i was like you're gonna have to [TS]

  give up a lot of yourself for the cause [TS]

  and things like that [TS]

  well that's the thing you know it's I [TS]

  didn't want to say like yeah now you [TS]

  know who i am i'm the midday guy we were [TS]

  all wearing Paula Clavers or whatever [TS]

  but anyway so this guy this and he says [TS]

  do you have a do you have any magazines [TS]

  about diapers and I kind of looked up [TS]

  from my the magazine's readers like what [TS]

  do you mean because we had a lot of [TS]

  magazines about stuff right like well [TS]

  I'm really [TS]

  magazine store you go to let the craft [TS]

  section and you're gonna find just like [TS]

  a magazine about baskets yeah we have [TS]

  four different magazines about being a [TS]

  ham radio operator we had so many [TS]

  magazines about baskets and figurines [TS]

  and just every kind of thing and I'm [TS]

  like huh [TS]

  there's a magazine about diapers let me [TS]

  think about that what would that be so [TS]

  I'm like what is that everything is it a [TS]

  parenting thing is that an environmental [TS]

  thing I'm like tell me more and he's [TS]

  like oh you know like like diapers like [TS]

  a poopypants somewhere and I said [TS]

  say what now and he said and he gets [TS]

  this like he gets literally a [TS]

  shit-eating grin on his face and he goes [TS]

  poopy pants like poopy poopy diaper [TS]

  diaper baby diaper baby and I was like [TS]

  get the fuck out of my store and he's [TS]

  just so proud of himself now I all he [TS]

  said yeah he's quick to you he did and [TS]

  he's about you know 30 years old and [TS]

  he's and then as he as he backs up [TS]

  he's not like turning and running he's [TS]

  backing up from my thing and I'm [TS]

  standing now like get out of here you [TS]

  pervert and he's wearing diapers song [TS]

  his pants you can see that his pants are [TS]

  bulging from his diapers and he's like [TS]

  poopy pants poop in style baby diaper [TS]

  baby not like and I come around you know [TS]

  now i'm down off my thing and I'm like [TS]

  get out of here and you know and i'm [TS]

  laughing right and he's laughing but he [TS]

  is laughing because this is the most fun [TS]

  he's had all day [TS]

  he's a bad boy he is a very bad boy and [TS]

  he's about to go get a spanking from [TS]

  himself but this episode of Roderick on [TS]

  the line is brought to you in part by [TS]

  Casper to learn more about Casper right [TS]

  now please visit Casper calm / [TS]

  supertrain Casper is an online retailer [TS]

  of premium mattresses that you can get [TS]

  delivered to your door for a fraction of [TS]

  the price that you'll find in stores [TS]

  it's a new kind of hybrid mattress it [TS]

  combines premium latex foam with memory [TS]

  foam these two technologies come [TS]

  together for a terrific night sleep it [TS]

  is just the right sink and just the [TS]

  right bounce it's an obsessively [TS]

  engineered mattress at a shockingly fair [TS]

  price now let's let's speak the truth [TS]

  here people [TS]

  retail mattresses can often cost well [TS]

  over fifteen hundred dollars but casper [TS]

  mattresses so affordable prices start at [TS]

  five hundred dollars for a twin go all [TS]

  the way up to [TS]

  954 King going compare that to what you [TS]

  can find in retail stores if you can [TS]

  stand being in the store [TS]

  let's be honest all casper mattresses [TS]

  are made in America now honestly for me [TS]

  to understand how Casper's different you [TS]

  have to start by looking at how the [TS]

  mattress racket has worked historically [TS]

  i don't have time to go into this in [TS]

  huge detail but i can tell you tell you [TS]

  that on the handful of times that i have [TS]

  gone into a mattress store i walked out [TS]

  with a rictus of fear loathing the [TS]

  experience that I had mattress industry [TS]

  isn't for inherently force customers [TS]

  independent or really high prices but [TS]

  Casper is literally revolutionising the [TS]

  mattress industry by cutting the cost of [TS]

  dealing with those retailers and show [TS]

  rose and they pass those savings [TS]

  directly to you [TS]

  the sleep desirous consumer now gasp [TS]

  understand that buying a mattress online [TS]

  this is a new thing oh we're living in [TS]

  the future is the jetsons i can get a [TS]

  bed on the internet might make you think [TS]

  it's a little weird is it even possible [TS]

  well let me tell your friends by a [TS]

  casper mattresses completely risk-free [TS]

  they offer free delivery and returns [TS]

  within a 100 day period that means you [TS]

  can try out your Casper mattress for 100 [TS]

  nights if you don't like it I'll come [TS]

  pick it up lying on a bed for four [TS]

  minutes and showroom has no correlation [TS]

  to whether it's the right bed for you [TS]

  that's Casper's razor can go look it up [TS]

  I understand the importance of really [TS]

  trying out the mattress that here's the [TS]

  thing this mattress is shifting in a box [TS]

  you can carry out the steps by yourself [TS]

  you open it and your mattress just comes [TS]

  to life everything you need right there [TS]

  for a great night of sleep now listeners [TS]

  of this show can get fifty dollar store [TS]

  any mattress purchase by visiting Casper [TS]

  calm / supertrain and using that very [TS]

  special offer code supertrain fifty [TS]

  dollars off that also shows your support [TS]

  for the show and let's be honest it also [TS]

  will support your back for wonderful [TS]

  sleep [TS]

  that's a that's a freebie they can run [TS]

  with that I'm just an idea guy got a [TS]

  Casper dot-com / super trainer thanks to [TS]

  Casper for all the great night sleep and [TS]

  for supporting Roderick online she's [TS]

  gonna think about this diaper baby [TS]

  poopypants conversation for a month and [TS]

  a half [TS]

  he's gonna get himself something to cry [TS]

  about [TS]

  he might still be thinking about you [TS]

  know and he just loved the idea that [TS]

  like he was transgressing yes and this [TS]

  is this is the whole dirtiness thing you [TS]

  can look at the coney island harness as [TS]

  you said which is that you [TS]

  the fact that is like a dirty bad wrong [TS]

  thing [TS]

  thing [TS]

  part of the sexy so I think you I mean [TS]

  at length I though I think you scored [TS]

  some points here for the side of penis [TS]

  in the popcorn [TS]

  well thank you can come out and look [TS]

  really great has your dog bite you bet [TS]

  your ass she does everything mean who [TS]

  yeah except it would be in coney island [TS]

  would be like purple but particularly [TS]

  I'm you know using the pop problem take [TS]

  it up there ok alright so you're so I I [TS]

  knew you so the you sound like you feel [TS]

  like the air in my logic is i'm assuming [TS]

  that this boy was a legitimate handjob [TS]

  yeah he's not trying to get off right [TS]

  then he's trying to get off later it's [TS]

  gonna be at best a glancing blow [TS]

  yeah and she was also you ever get [TS]

  popcorn stuck in your teeth you don't [TS]

  think about the underside of his [TS]

  Colonels feels like you want that on [TS]

  your glands but you weren't for that [TS]

  every American you don't even you don't [TS]

  even care no so but I'm wondering now [TS]

  that you would you don't know you [TS]

  brought this up whether the never nudes [TS]

  actually there's something dirty about [TS]

  it for them at least I never show my [TS]

  self and so therefore like I'm the one [TS]

  that's a little bit transgressive wow oh [TS]

  do you think how couples are decoupled [TS]

  do you think it is from other kinds of [TS]

  sexy things like is it something where [TS]

  they are like a on the bell curve they [TS]

  are a 50th percentile American sex [TS]

  person except for the fact that they [TS]

  never take all the clothes off or is it [TS]

  on the one hand are they are the super [TS]

  prudish on this Emma and I thought maybe [TS]

  I mean to digital about this [TS]

  are they super prudish which is what it [TS]

  kind of feels like it's easy take on [TS]

  this or are they actually super fucking [TS]

  weird and they've actually got like a [TS]

  robot parts down there because that's [TS]

  the thing i don't know you people are so [TS]

  weird people are real [TS]

  the thing is and the more you learn it [TS]

  doesn't get better you know that's what [TS]

  you all as soon as you think you [TS]

  understand people you will find that [TS]

  there's already a community people that [TS]

  you did that you know don't understand [TS]

  even more [TS]

  yeah yeah and they but but but it feels [TS]

  like there are certain subcultures where [TS]

  everyone it within that subculture does [TS]

  not recognize that they are part of a [TS]

  subculture like they every one of them [TS]

  is a rogue agent [TS]

  you know like never nudes by definition [TS]

  are probably not going to publicize that [TS]

  fact about them [TS]

  yeah just thinking that like you really [TS]

  think about like what's normal and [TS]

  what's not a lot of stuff that's not [TS]

  normal is because you can become [TS]

  perversity anna karenina you can become [TS]

  perverse in your own way because you're [TS]

  doing it in solitude you're finding some [TS]

  special thing that makes this is extra [TS]

  special dirty thing that's just your [TS]

  spin on it or if you dig in a room with [TS]

  a lot of garden-variety perversity [TS]

  Michael what's wrong with this guy [TS]

  yeah like I think they're probably [TS]

  remember your fucking the corned beef [TS]

  wrong [TS]

  yes exactly right if you I mean so for [TS]

  instance like here's I'm thinking now [TS]

  I'm trying to put my myself into the [TS]

  mindset of never help [TS]

  ok alright we want to go too far we're [TS]

  gonna get to know people ain't it like [TS]

  liver cutlets and stuff like what you [TS]

  would like for instance i would think [TS]

  I'll get a union suit and then i will so [TS]

  the union suit right there is plenty of [TS]

  excuse because you're going to you know [TS]

  if your if your partner is not down or [TS]

  is just sort of tolerating never [TS]

  nudeness a union suit would would allow [TS]

  you to say like oh I can't sorry i can't [TS]

  take it off because it's one single [TS]

  garment know but it's got a flap like a [TS]

  cartoon got a flap right and you could [TS]

  have you could you could like that but [TS]

  things not a problem [TS]

  well or you could you could arrange a [TS]

  front flap so they're going to be [TS]

  they're gonna get you never knew that [TS]

  have that have sex specific garments [TS]

  yeah and then they're going to be others [TS]

  that are like you know that are slapping [TS]

  the hand away i mean i don't i don't [TS]

  know exactly how each person would do it [TS]

  but I do feel like it's a thing that [TS]

  that now that we're talking about it if [TS]

  there are any never news listening to [TS]

  the program which almost certainly there [TS]

  are the conventional statistically would [TS]

  have to come on yeah they can feel like [TS]

  oh i'm a member of a of a of over [TS]

  existing subculture and maybe I should [TS]

  go online and try and meet up with some [TS]

  other never nude or at least connect [TS]

  with them on on a usenet group [TS]

  well I I don't mean to be honest I want [TS]

  to prove apologize i don't need to be [TS]

  whatever normative heteronormative new [TS]

  normative I'm not trying to shame [TS]

  anybody I just thought that was a joke [TS]

  from arrested development [TS]

  I didn't know that that was a real thing [TS]

  yeah well you know night [TS]

  badly about it the only reason I know [TS]

  about it is that I know never-nude you [TS]

  do not [TS]

  yes i do it boy no oh she's a shy [TS]

  Michigan she down to clown [TS]

  she says she's she I think that in her [TS]

  description of herself she would say [TS]

  that shyness was a factor but in the [TS]

  rest of life she is no buddies Patsy em [TS]

  like she's a that's that's a saucy gal [TS]

  yeah she's a deal driving uh you know [TS]

  she's at the wheel [TS]

  you know what I'm saying is that right [TS]

  but she's just like you know what long [TS]

  time ago i just decided that I would but [TS]

  nobody was ever gonna see me so never [TS]

  nude and I was like that's a strong [TS]

  stand and now it has set in motion this [TS]

  clockwork if you will this deus ex [TS]

  mashina who is another great Smith's [TS]

  album where I'm where I'm trying to like [TS]

  get put it all together like what's [TS]

  sounds this trying to trying to get into [TS]

  a birthday suit situation is it has the [TS]

  challenge [TS]

  well no no I'm not saying that I am [TS]

  trying to put it together with her [TS]

  I'm just trying to put it together in my [TS]

  mind I say because I feel like if you [TS]

  encounter a never-nude and you're like [TS]

  oh this is a challenge for me and that's [TS]

  kind of gross [TS]

  yeah you're gonna die trying to trick a [TS]

  vegetarian and eating meat that's that's [TS]

  not that's not cool that's not it's like [TS]

  putting acid in somebody's a like a red [TS]

  flavored gatorade haha right not cool [TS]

  yeah did you ever so you were never dost [TS]

  who that i know of all right is that [TS]

  right [TS]

  um putting on the table here um do you [TS]

  want to go back to when you a when you [TS]

  were starting out wait what point did [TS]

  the lights come on and I know that sure [TS]

  but I was actually thinking of going [TS]

  back to butter but let us set that aside [TS]

  for now [TS]

  um ah yes but it two are related [TS]

  sure can be yeah you learn a lot you [TS]

  learn you and learn about a lot of [TS]

  things that seemed like a good idea but [TS]

  don't end up being a good idea i'm gonna [TS]

  put butter on the list [TS]

  I'm gonna put the the product vaseline [TS]

  on the list yeah hand cream [TS]

  Shh it seems like such a good ideas but [TS]

  it's not see and we I think we disagree [TS]

  on this I feel the same way about [TS]

  intercourse in water like there are [TS]

  people like the growing up in the late [TS]

  seventies becoming a penis aware in the [TS]

  late seventies and early that's what we [TS]

  called it then I became uh I saw so many [TS]

  images of people having intercourse in [TS]

  water now I saw the whole like you get [TS]

  such a boob and water that seemed pretty [TS]

  cool and then you so much intercourse in [TS]

  water or underwater and it becomes like [TS]

  a whole thing it's like a girl sits in [TS]

  quicksand all over again and it doesn't [TS]

  work [TS]

  yes with my first lady paramore at one [TS]

  point we will you know when we were [TS]

  doing these sorts of things we tried and [TS]

  i found it extremely difficult [TS]

  yeah no it'sit's connection when I don't [TS]

  want to be unkind here but to the point [TS]

  where people who act like that is a [TS]

  normal thing that people do all the time [TS]

  I think maybe you haven't actually done [TS]

  it because it's not actually that [TS]

  Pleasant right well there are a couple [TS]

  of types that do work [TS]

  one of them is the from here to eternity [TS]

  style where you are in the you're right [TS]

  at the tideline right so the waves are [TS]

  and also wash she seems pretty into it i [TS]

  think you would have some assistive [TS]

  technologies about biology was youwell [TS]

  for sure but also like as the tide comes [TS]

  let's say the tide is coming in who has [TS]

  the tide is coming in and you're [TS]

  spending more time underwater you just [TS]

  screwed up the beach right that's what's [TS]

  happened in print from here to eternity [TS]

  as they're like going at it on the beach [TS]

  in the surf you know right the camera [TS]

  pans away but they're not underwater [TS]

  they're getting their underwater for a [TS]

  second i'm talking about being like in a [TS]

  hot tub or inhibit that's impossible you [TS]

  can't help but that's what people that's [TS]

  what I was sold when we tried it we were [TS]

  both like this is not fun it's a lot of [TS]

  work [TS]

  sold a bill of goods on a lot of ways oh [TS]

  there's so much out there but the other [TS]

  thing about an easy topic alone was easy [TS]

  to talk to the job on me is that right [TS]

  because yeah I get it you decided you [TS]

  were gonna be a sharp-dressed man and it [TS]

  turned out that that nobody can grow up [TS]

  here [TS]

  uh-huh well I thought you I thought you [TS]

  had a tuxedo on and some white gloves [TS]

  you were like parking cars and then all [TS]

  of a sudden one out where you you had [TS]

  the white gloves on and you like sharp [TS]

  dressed man I'm so interested in [TS]

  watching pole dancers trying shoes [TS]

  this is weird [TS]

  I know that the thing about having sex [TS]

  in a hot tub or the swimming pool is [TS]

  that there's always a step right there [TS]

  is a step in the hot tub there's a step [TS]

  on this one [TS]

  that's true just raise up out of the [TS]

  water just enough so that the area of [TS]

  contact disability is good for everybody [TS]

  John it's right so it's just right out [TS]

  of the water and you can both be in the [TS]

  hot tub but not in the hot tub if you [TS]

  know [TS]

  oh you're seeing you are you open the [TS]

  pod bay door before you I see what [TS]

  you're saying okay alright okay that [TS]

  makes sense that makes sense don't you [TS]

  know that's not how they show it like [TS]

  certainly not in a in a PG or even [TS]

  r-rated film em so they have no no the [TS]

  whole point is you're underwater the [TS]

  whole time and I'm saying I'm your head [TS]

  is above water but all the all the other [TS]

  business papers are are below the [TS]

  surface that's not gonna work your nice [TS]

  fish don't get out of what they get [TS]

  selfish to up problem we have so much [TS]

  more to talk about all right let's go [TS]

  let's let's let's get off of this so to [TS]

  speak to keep going [TS]

  yeah no such a photo and having sex in a [TS]

  hot tub know my daughter made her first [TS]

  crazy while the other day what is crazy [TS]

  wall a crazy wall is any scene in a [TS]

  movie or TV show where somebody has put [TS]

  a whole bunch of documents and usually [TS]

  photographs on the wall and then often [TS]

  connected them using yarn [TS]

  oh I see oh hello hello crazy wall [TS]

  yeah uh it seems like there is some [TS]

  first [TS]

  that's weird supernatural hello I'm [TS]

  starting to really dig in here [TS]

  yeah there's a lot going on on this [TS]

  crazy wall is a really good cartoon [TS]

  shows she likes that features elements [TS]

  of the Illuminati so now she has started [TS]

  not only researching the Illuminati on [TS]

  the ipad but she has now made her first [TS]

  crazy wall in her bedroom having all [TS]

  these things go together i will ever [TS]

  love with the ? she's got she's got [TS]

  several like a cyclops triangles all [TS]

  wearing top hats his name is name is [TS]

  bill cipher and he's a character on this [TS]

  TV show yeah and he's at one point he [TS]

  sort of in a Masonic [TS]

  simple circle for each one of those [TS]

  points on the circle represents a [TS]

  character on the show ink and a strange [TS]

  to me that there's a pentagram there it [TS]

  seems like there would be some there [TS]

  will be some moms and dads that that [TS]

  accepted the llama and accepted the [TS]

  sharp stuff you should know flying [TS]

  rachel starr that's yeah that's from [TS]

  that's from Mabel's shirt that the pine [TS]

  tree is Mabel and dipper pines are the [TS]

  two kids and that's the pine tree that [TS]

  dipper has on his hat but what that that [TS]

  that start with the rainbow is actually [TS]

  from from like on bom bom-bom yeah like [TS]

  what what is that thing things the more [TS]

  you know the more you know there [TS]

  yeah but then so she's got it she's got [TS]

  her string going to all these different [TS]

  things including lots of like little [TS]

  thumb tacks that aren't connected to [TS]

  things or there was something there [TS]

  first i think for a first draft this is [TS]

  pretty good and then they all kind of [TS]

  yeah are pointing to this piece of paper [TS]

  with just a red yeah ? yeah and thats a [TS]

  picture of a photo of a statue of him [TS]

  that was found somewhere that's a real [TS]

  thing [TS]

  supposedly supposedly supposedly [TS]

  supposedly so that you have so is this [TS]

  on display in her room yeah the cat the [TS]

  cat plays with the string is pretty cute [TS]

  have you been telling her about the [TS]

  Illuminati I haven't I think this is one [TS]

  of those things like religion [TS]

  I'm not for or against it but I'm super [TS]

  glad to know the research is being done [TS]

  you know saying doesn't promise if i go [TS]

  to her and I said she says the jews to [TS]

  their church on like yeah you go to [TS]

  church i really love going to church it [TS]

  was very very important [TS]

  up until the age of about fourteen for [TS]

  me i was really big enough to answer any [TS]

  questions you want about what I don't [TS]

  want to say is this is this or that is [TS]

  that where you know II a Wikipedia or [TS]

  yeah I didn't think the picture of her [TS]

  Amelia Earhart report where she put on [TS]

  the wikipedia page [TS]

  yeah yeah she's begun she's especially [TS]

  big on finding shopkins on google but [TS]

  yeah sure reading wikipedia entry was a [TS]

  shopkin you mean shopkin the guy that [TS]

  runs that strange restaurant in in [TS]

  Manhattan thinking of the the moment [TS]

  book The Fixer [TS]

  no it's a horrible horrible horrible toy [TS]

  that I'm sorry should be trigger warning [TS]

  here for anybody who has children enjoy [TS]

  shopkins it i feel like there should be [TS]

  a trigger warning at the very top of the [TS]

  show [TS]

  ok I'll put something in that they'll [TS]

  know if you're worried you'll know I [TS]

  know it's a horrible horrible try you [TS]

  need to keep your daughter away from [TS]

  these things as moose toy it's shopkins [TS]

  are self-referential toys about [TS]

  consumption so you buy you buy like many [TS]

  toys you buy it just to buy it but it's [TS]

  also kind of like a it's not even a game [TS]

  it's collecting shopping [TS]

  yeah yeah but you know the thing is you [TS]

  you grown but go ask anybody who's got a [TS]

  kid between like three and nine shopkins [TS]

  shopkins you know I have a kid between [TS]

  three and nine know you could ask me [TS]

  she's not three but she's between three [TS]

  and nine [TS]

  she's no issue 3 years old so you're [TS]

  saying that she's still too young to be [TS]

  three she's about a year-and-a-half old [TS]

  she she was a year-and-a-half old now [TS]

  three-and-a-half years ago [TS]

  you sure about that pretty sure I saw [TS]

  this morning like a little respect with [TS]

  respect that's totally fucked up [TS]

  incidentally she lost a tooth her first [TS]

  20 I don't want to turn this into a [TS]

  parenting podcast dad and we talked for [TS]

  several days about what our familiar [TS]

  relationship to the Tooth Fairy was [TS]

  going to be and she was letting [TS]

  interested she was like does the Tooth [TS]

  Fairy no Santa and I was like I think so [TS]

  i could surprise you went with the the [TS]

  Santa that doesn't seem like a little [TS]

  off brand for you [TS]

  well but we're not we haven't completely [TS]

  we haven't are arrived at an agreement [TS]

  you got a non-denial denial between the [TS]

  two of us like she asks questions about [TS]

  Santa and I answer them sometimes and [TS]

  early in universe [TS]

  yeah I like that wikipedia they that for [TS]

  a while these to say like what the part [TS]

  you're about to read is about an [TS]

  in-universe explanation they stopped [TS]

  doing that and then just hold it like a [TS]

  story I I definitely feel like if you're [TS]

  gonna say Tooth Fairy Easter Bunny Santa [TS]

  Claus they have to be in the same [TS]

  universe [TS]

  alright that has good point complainer [TS]

  has to be continuity and if you see if [TS]

  you see a boom mic up [TS]

  you're in one of those stories nothing [TS]

  you know that boom mic it better be [TS]

  everyone you don't know the boom mic in [TS]

  the scene is that's right so you she's [TS]

  like she's got these questions how does [TS]

  the Tooth Fairy get into the house since [TS]

  anybody share Intel you have to imagine [TS]

  that all of the magical gifting [TS]

  creatures share Intel is unlike the best [TS]

  ways to deal with like home security [TS]

  systems and that was her conclusion I [TS]

  didn't say anything about she was like [TS]

  so do you think the Tooth Fairy and [TS]

  Santa like both know she said I know how [TS]

  Santa gets in [TS]

  ok do you think the Tooth Fairy knows do [TS]

  they share that information and i said [TS]

  here's all I'll say about the tooth [TS]

  there i think that when a child loses a [TS]

  tooth the tooth fairy becomes aware of [TS]

  it and that and that becomes a thing on [TS]

  the tooth fairy's mind oh interesting [TS]

  now until the tooth goes under the the [TS]

  pillow right [TS]

  the tooth fairy is mostly powerless [TS]

  because not powerless but the Tooth [TS]

  Fairy is aware and it's kind of like a [TS]

  it's like an like a pea under her [TS]

  mattress and so she's thinking about it [TS]

  but if you don't put it under the pillow [TS]

  then you you have not you not made you [TS]

  not solidified the contract with her [TS]

  we took it we took it even further which [TS]

  was really mean [TS]

  which is that the 23 can even know about [TS]

  it till it under your pillow and [TS]

  importantly until you've been asleep for [TS]

  an hour to sleep [TS]

  the the fair doesn't find out about it [TS]

  is that you with me on this i am a i'm [TS]

  just like Bruce Lee says you don't hit [TS]

  the board had two inches behind the [TS]

  board so I'm trying to I'm trying to [TS]

  like put together the differences [TS]

  between your and my like a sense of [TS]

  contract like I'm trying to I'm trying [TS]

  to to get into her mind [TS]

  uh-huh the supernatural world is aware [TS]

  of things [TS]

  oh interesting because when I was [TS]

  standing going to know if you're good or [TS]

  bad but there should be a plausible [TS]

  explanation that that seems logical [TS]

  yeah right i mean that Santa doesn't [TS]

  show up on your in your house and make [TS]

  an independent determination of whether [TS]

  you've been good [TS]

  added that boy you know you're not gonna [TS]

  pull like the the whole like a wizard [TS]

  did it thing you're trying to get past [TS]

  like simple magic [TS]

  yeah magic can explain anything Santa's [TS]

  in the North Pole he's compiling toys [TS]

  he's basing those decisions on whether [TS]

  you've been good or bad [TS]

  yes so he has pre-knowledge ok and so [TS]

  that's the best also be true of the [TS]

  tooth fairy [TS]

  she's got a note that i would seem to me [TS]

  in the 23 universe that when the tooth [TS]

  comes out that's the like being that on [TS]

  her switchboard a light goes on and [TS]

  she's like two things out [TS]

  uh-huh but then there's this pregnant [TS]

  pause and some kids get it right under [TS]

  the pillow that night in my daughter's [TS]

  case she kept that tooth out for five [TS]

  days she been turned it over in your [TS]

  hands is very little tooth showed it to [TS]

  everybody thought about it quite a bit [TS]

  and then her grandfather said you know [TS]

  if you put it under your pillow the [TS]

  Tooth Fairy brings you a silver dollar [TS]

  boy which she immediately began calling [TS]

  the silver d and she was like so if i [TS]

  put this under the pillow i'm going to [TS]

  get a silver d I was like you're going [TS]

  to get your yes you're going to get a [TS]

  silver do now you're on the hook for [TS]

  silver d well so last night [TS]

  she's like I'm ready it's going under [TS]

  the pillow tonight and I'm gonna get a [TS]

  silver d oh yes honey [TS]

  so she put it on the pillow and just so [TS]

  happens that I have a briefcase full of [TS]

  various silver tease [TS]

  some of them are just your normal ones [TS]

  right you're Eisenhower's yeah and your [TS]

  your sacagawea's m0r kennedy at one [TS]

  point that's a half-dollar after sorry [TS]

  and and you're Susan bees and hasn't [TS]

  wait is it to be your second Julia well [TS]

  both the second one really suffers from [TS]

  a poor carving job because they want to [TS]

  get her face on and that's no way that's [TS]

  no way to carve a coin [TS]

  well she's also got the pupusas got a [TS]

  purpose yeah and susan b she's very [TS]

  ferocious-looking she's not very [TS]

  friendly [TS]

  that's not a friendly pick and i'll take [TS]

  no junk but I eisenhower dollars are [TS]

  hard to get [TS]

  get your hands on it [TS]

  more and then i also have like Morgan [TS]

  Dollars and peace dollars Morgan Dollars [TS]

  have quite a few more JPMorgan on it [TS]

  no it has a it has like Liberty on it [TS]

  but call Morgan Dollars because I think [TS]

  Morgan JPMorgan probably handle them [TS]

  I even have a dollar a US dollar a coin [TS]

  from 1856 wow it's a very small coin [TS]

  anyway so I'm going through my briefcase [TS]

  of of of silver DS and I'm trying to [TS]

  decide which one of these silver DS [TS]

  meets her like is the fantasy silver d [TS]

  in her mind because when somebody says [TS]

  silver d to me AI think it's made of [TS]

  silver [TS]

  uh-huh it's going to get a different [TS]

  sound you drop it on the table it sounds [TS]

  really different [TS]

  Clank right but a morgan silver dollar [TS]

  is worth like fifty dollars either she's [TS]

  not ready for that [TS]

  no and an Eisenhower dollar like what if [TS]

  she takes that in and tries to buy a [TS]

  candy bar with it the person working at [TS]

  the stores and be like what the hell [TS]

  this that probably they have never seen [TS]

  assume its Pokemon that's right they [TS]

  think like catch em all catch mall get [TS]

  training anyway so she goes for just [TS]

  fall in this [TS]

  well I'm think i'm looking through the [TS]

  silver DS like what's a brother going to [TS]

  do here and I decided on a susan b and [TS]

  the reason is in 1979 when they were [TS]

  introducing the susan b anthony dollars [TS]

  everybody thought because this was the [TS]

  first silver dollar [TS]

  well so the Eisenhower silver dollar [TS]

  nobody use because it was too big [TS]

  this was silver dollar that the u.s. [TS]

  mint was it was really big lead i would [TS]

  get one of those as a kid fella could [TS]

  practically feel my hand an Eisenhower [TS]

  dollar yeah there because of others big [TS]

  as a pie plate who so they're [TS]

  introducing the susan b and the mint is [TS]

  weight forward banking hmm on the idea [TS]

  that everybody's going to use these [TS]

  things and so they they meant in 1970 [TS]

  let's make them really close in size to [TS]

  a quarter [TS]

  let's make it look just like they look [TS]

  they look like a fraudulent quarter [TS]

  that's right and they feel like a [TS]

  quarter if you reach into your pocket [TS]

  and Tramp plot a quarter or Susan be [TS]

  happy or not you can tell me it really [TS]

  is just slightly larger and what's crazy [TS]

  is that the English pound coin and the [TS]

  Spanish 100 beseda coin are smaller but [TS]

  thicker so you reach in your pocket [TS]

  planner one pound coin it feels like a [TS]

  pound [TS]

  because it's because it's like got some [TS]

  weight [TS]

  it feels thick you know but it's smaller [TS]

  and the US Mint I don't know how they [TS]

  failed to if they had made susan b [TS]

  anthony dollars that felt like little [TS]

  hockey pucks he would still be using but [TS]

  so they came they minted millions and [TS]

  millions and millions of the susan b [TS]

  anthony dollars and the only way that [TS]

  they got used was when they came out [TS]

  everybody said this is a collectible all [TS]

  right and everybody grabbed as many of [TS]

  them as they could and put him in a sack [TS]

  somewhere because they were sure it was [TS]

  like that's good for your currency [TS]

  system to have a lot of stuff not in [TS]

  circulation [TS]

  exactly Oh talking about penny someday [TS]

  and the problem is every single 1979 [TS]

  susan b anthony dollar is worth [TS]

  precisely one dollar because it's still [TS]

  legal tender face value but there's I [TS]

  mean there are a few that have certain [TS]

  mint marks or certain you know there are [TS]

  some that are rarer another I like you [TS]

  get an upside-down Denver or something [TS]

  yeah but that but Denver the Denver Mint [TS]

  is exactly the one that made millions [TS]

  and millions of these so if you have a [TS]

  1979 susan b anthony dollar without a de [TS]

  who is also verde it that's right silver [TS]

  tea so I have some of these not because [TS]

  I ever fell for this dumb thing but [TS]

  because my dad are collected a bunch of [TS]

  susan b anthony dollars that he was sure [TS]

  we're going to be worth money someday [TS]

  and then I ended up with a like a a poke [TS]

  let's call it a poker huh of Susan Susan [TS]

  be silver DS and so we gotta focus [TS]

  cookies cookies so I figure a through [TS]

  her baby teeth i got enough silver DS to [TS]

  cover the the debt and if that's what [TS]

  she thinks the silver d is because of [TS]

  pocahontas dollar courses [TS]

  silver now it's horrible it's a ugly [TS]

  color it's nothing it's Pocahontas it's [TS]

  just it's not fun to look at I mean to [TS]

  me like a u.s. American Quarter is like [TS]

  the classic coin like I love the way [TS]

  Washington looks on the corner I always [TS]

  have and like but you know with the the [TS]

  you know this is a famous thing in women [TS]

  what's the word look for engraving [TS]

  there's a reason everybody's done in [TS]

  profile on coins because a profile you [TS]

  only have so much depth to a coin you [TS]

  cannot get the depth of a full-on face [TS]

  in a way that looks realistic with that [TS]

  amount of thickness so that's why they [TS]

  always do a silhouette but they couldn't [TS]

  get the boose going to get the Poussin [TS]

  there too [TS]

  interesting i never thought about that [TS]

  mr. all this arrest this is that anybody [TS]

  can read about this i'm pretty sure this [TS]

  is the case is that that's why they do [TS]

  so like a repeating myself but a [TS]

  silhouette you can get there's enough to [TS]

  show like oh these persons like sunken [TS]

  cheeks or this kind of chin that reads [TS]

  much better than you would and that's [TS]

  why everybody's face looks so smashed on [TS]

  the corner that's what that's like that [TS]

  you are with two people on it not right [TS]

  or I can't think of another coin it's [TS]

  got two people on maybe there are some [TS]

  Roman coins where want where the where [TS]

  Caesar is vanquishing somebody but I [TS]

  don't even think there are i mean i [TS]

  think that's trade-ins column if you [TS]

  want something like that you're gonna go [TS]

  with a column rather coin who but that's [TS]

  a but you know that's on so it's [TS]

  silhouettes silhouettes silhouettes [TS]

  silhouettes on the corner pretty some [TS]

  yeah that is nice its 1951 an important [TS]

  day yesterday [TS]

  what happened I don't I think we've [TS]

  already done too much just to spoil this [TS]

  for kids that might be listening so but [TS]

  i'll just thought just saying broad term [TS]

  some we do sometimes get tweets from 15 [TS]

  right now I know well they be safe but [TS]

  yesterday was a very very important day [TS]

  with a sundae july seventeenth she noted [TS]

  for the evergreen miss of the show she [TS]

  knows no yep she revealed we've known [TS]

  for about a year that this was coming [TS]

  we knew that we were just hanging on by [TS]

  a thread but yesterday my daughter the [TS]

  Illuminati conspiracy theorist who has [TS]

  in the past uh cause my wife and I to [TS]

  provide handwriting samples the cheek [TS]

  compare against the Easter Bunny [TS]

  yesterday she laid out in extreme detail [TS]

  her entire case for the Santa problem [TS]

  whoa and this is happening in July this [TS]

  is this is auntie christmas in july but [TS]

  you have to believe that came up the way [TS]

  they came up is that I had purchased a [TS]

  new can opener and the hand can opener [TS]

  and can opener is on the cardboard tie [TS]

  down with those little annoying plastic [TS]

  ties and of course anytime we get a [TS]

  product in the house with anything [TS]

  annoying in the packaging my daughter is [TS]

  inclined to bring up the very famous [TS]

  Christmas of 2010 the Christmas of 2010 [TS]

  i remember as being possibly the [TS]

  greatest Christmas that has ever [TS]

  Christmas how old was she in two [TS]

  thousand she was three and it was a [TS]

  pretty good year uh and you know we have [TS]

  lots to do that year so and we really [TS]

  wanted her to have you know parents are [TS]

  strict on NASA's greatest she got was [TS]

  the greatest Christmas ever she got a [TS]

  really cool ikea kitchen I can make some [TS]

  nice kitchen [TS]

  yeah it's not expensive not costly it's [TS]

  a nice kitchen she got a lot of really [TS]

  really great stuff she gotta think she [TS]

  got a really cool dollhouse I remember [TS]

  the night before my wife and I watching [TS]

  Goldfinger and putting so much stuff [TS]

  together and watching Goldfinger don't [TS]

  forget that but but the important part [TS]

  of the story is 2010 is the year of toy [TS]

  story that summer we got into toy story [TS]

  right around the time that toy story 3 [TS]

  came out those three movies were on [TS]

  constant repeat at our house like twice [TS]

  a day and we were all have their amazing [TS]

  movies there's such great movies at the [TS]

  moment but let me just in represent your [TS]

  toy story one a good movie [TS]

  it is a good movie and especially for is [TS]

  a lot of asteroids for its time it's I [TS]

  mean what do you say i mean it's it's an [TS]

  incredible achievement the achievement [TS]

  of which story-wise is greatly surpassed [TS]

  in toy story 2 times recently restored [TS]

  to is a better film into a story one [TS]

  it's a much better film because i've [TS]

  only seen toy story 3 0 that is a film [TS]

  that is I feel like my rosebud [TS]

  it's rough it's really rough your story [TS]

  too [TS]

  yeah it's it to 32 is more [TS]

  subtle it's really awfully good but so [TS]

  for that Christmas remember this would [TS]

  be the greatest Christmas ever [TS]

  she got but like you know you can buy [TS]

  like different like nice nas's of toys [TS]

  like you can get like this little junior [TS]

  version she had a little buzz lightyear [TS]

  that wasn't even didn't the joints [TS]

  didn't move huh [TS]

  she not only got a really nice woody she [TS]

  got a really nice buzz she god she gotta [TS]

  realize but don't make it weird [TS]

  god I'm getting a nice woody and the [TS]

  thing is a i know you probably a lot of [TS]

  dumb toys for your kid but don't always [TS]

  for your kid unless you get the Amazon [TS]

  frustration-free packaging what you [TS]

  could pretty much he promised to 50 in [TS]

  its anything that has a clear window on [TS]

  the front for viewing [TS]

  yeah it's gonna take an hour to get out [TS]

  IC and this is this happens in the [TS]

  collectibles world but especially with [TS]

  kids toys so buzz lightyear was rubber [TS]

  banded and wired wired into this package [TS]

  and the way that they do this i imagine [TS]

  little hands somewhere in Indonesia do [TS]

  this there's a way that they use imagine [TS]

  a bread tie but a lot thicker and it's [TS]

  doubled over is turned a couple times [TS]

  one way and then a couple times the [TS]

  other way and there's like there was [TS]

  like 30 of these you don't want both let [TS]

  you two get out because it was comes to [TS]

  actually comes up into straight to it's [TS]

  pretty funny but all the point is [TS]

  greatest Christmas ever [TS]

  what she remembers this is how i came up [TS]

  yesterday issues looking at the can [TS]

  opener and a little cardboard things [TS]

  said remember that Christmas I'm like [TS]

  yes honey i remember that Christmas hit [TS]

  you said the f-word I didn't know what [TS]

  it meant then but that was the day you [TS]

  said the f-word whoa she remember and [TS]

  that's how santa came up funny funny [TS]

  funny story though is that you come up a [TS]

  lot with the effort the first time that [TS]

  she remembers hearing the f-word in [TS]

  knowing what it was from you how you're [TS]

  in our house [TS]

  no I didn't say the f-word in the [TS]

  bathroom the door wouldn't close and I [TS]

  said well yes I do remember that and I [TS]

  said the f-word [TS]

  show know what you know we-we've we both [TS]

  said the f word I said you know far too [TS]

  maybe sure if I could flabbergast I'm [TS]

  not just mad no no I guess not but she [TS]

  remembers it well and then yesterday [TS]

  chapter 4 she laid it all down [TS]

  why was going to the same wrapping paper [TS]

  in this place [TS]

  oh how come i found a photo on your [TS]

  phone of this thing okay [TS]

  oh i just realized that my TP came from [TS]

  the land of nod and a little sand is not [TS]

  going to the Land of Nod catalog noho [TS]

  well I hate to be this guy although you [TS]

  know of course I don't hate to be this [TS]

  guy everybody that says I hate to be [TS]

  this guy's actually like very proud of [TS]

  being that guy [TS]

  oh it's not people who say i hate to [TS]

  correct you but i hate to correct you [TS]

  don't hate to correct my little correct [TS]

  me when I was a kid right my mom would [TS]

  spend that whole evening of Christmas [TS]

  Eve you know not just putting together [TS]

  the the dollhouse is getting potatoes [TS]

  out of the larger she's taking a [TS]

  hands-off the chickens that's right but [TS]

  she would unwrap the presence that [TS]

  needed to be unwrapped so if it was a it [TS]

  was a if it was a present where the [TS]

  where the box only needed to be decanted [TS]

  from original packaging that's right if [TS]

  you need it if you're not gonna be able [TS]

  to play with this doll until you spend [TS]

  16 minutes fighting the packaging or if [TS]

  you can't play with this thing until it [TS]

  is built [TS]

  I get build it it's like when you go to [TS]

  a nice restaurant I mean cooking a [TS]

  lobster is really not hard it's getting [TS]

  the meat out of the lobster that's hard [TS]

  right you put a butthole lobster on the [TS]

  plate in front of you like this Gordon [TS]

  Ramsay says you don't have too much food [TS]

  waste you got to learn how to get all [TS]

  the knuckles out you got to get the legs [TS]

  out [TS]

  it's a lot of your mom was basically [TS]

  cleaning lobster for you she's cleaning [TS]

  a lobster that's her number one game [TS]

  mine so I have become a lobster cleaner [TS]

  and so it's not like it's not like she [TS]

  gets a lot of this kind of present but [TS]

  the kind of present that comes in the [TS]

  packaging i know that there's not gonna [TS]

  be so oh my god the other day someone [TS]

  gave her a vintage doll from the [TS]

  nineteen seventies called stay [TS]

  r & star is a Barbie style doll but [TS]

  she's like a typical highschool girl she [TS]

  has friends there's a whole star [TS]

  universe where they're like in a band [TS]

  and they have a yearbook and stars like [TS]

  a cool girl she's like the cheerleader [TS]

  but she's also artistic and her [TS]

  boyfriend is a guitar player but he's [TS]

  also like a football player like they [TS]

  really crammed a lot of backstory into [TS]

  star and her friends and somebody I [TS]

  don't even know who is this just [TS]

  appeared in my world all the sudden gave [TS]

  her star in the original packaging with [TS]

  her little shoes and her little [TS]

  hairbrush and it was all still in the [TS]

  box and I didn't I wasn't there for this [TS]

  so if i had been because of my proximity [TS]

  to nerd culture I i'm afraid i would [TS]

  have grabbed this star out of her hands [TS]

  and be like that huh [TS]

  hang on honey this might be a form of [TS]

  the college someday [TS]

  let's take a look at this stardoll and [TS]

  let's go on ebay and figure out what [TS]

  start with stars all about it because [TS]

  it's very important that we not take it [TS]

  all original packaging that of course [TS]

  somebody handed her this this stalled [TS]

  are stardoll horse called are stalled [TS]

  are now before stuff up [TS]

  are we gonna kill this tall dar me move [TS]

  it's just like should want p'raps the [TS]

  she grabs this thing and that's called r [TS]

  is really ripped apart the boxes just [TS]

  she dreaded it's all just strewn I don't [TS]

  know so much value lost like tears in [TS]

  rain but here's the thing i go online i [TS]

  go onto ebay and I'm like oh I don't [TS]

  even want to know like what is up into [TS]

  twitter because I I point when you get [TS]

  arrested are today I remember stalled [TS]

  ours at the time I vaguely remember them [TS]

  I'm googling them and i can't find much [TS]

  as a modern stalled are but i can't find [TS]

  the vintage one also type in vintage [TS]

  stalled are [TS]

  but so unoriginal one of these in [TS]

  original packaging like sixty dollars [TS]

  fifty dollars is not nothing that i [TS]

  would be willing to take this thing out [TS]

  of my kids hand yeah sure [TS]

  and so she's playing with star and she's [TS]

  loving it and I'm like you know like [TS]

  vaya con Dios camera and your little [TS]

  yearbook in your beer your comb and your [TS]

  shoes are already lost and your yearbook [TS]

  is shredded in crayon Dover and that is [TS]

  how you were just this sounds like your [TS]

  next song it again when would you say [TS]

  we're gonna be a seat are all your comb [TS]

  your comb is already lost your comb and [TS]

  your shields are shoes already lost and [TS]

  your little yearbook is torn apart [TS]

  startled huh i but but I definitely I I [TS]

  pursue that same idea with her new toys [TS]

  which is like there is nothing we are [TS]

  not participating in this collectible [TS]

  culture if i buy this for you it is to [TS]

  be destroyed [TS]

  I want you to cut this doll's hair I [TS]

  want you to draw on her face I want you [TS]

  to chew on her and move on and let let [TS]

  there be nothing left of this doll when [TS]

  you are done playing with her so I take [TS]

  it out of the packaging and I said it as [TS]

  though she has entered the house under [TS]

  her own power and sat down under the [TS]

  tree and then d animated i'm sort of [TS]

  like-- pris right like all the dolls in [TS]

  the house are like are like Chris ready [TS]

  to come alive and karate chop you can [TS]

  grab a boiling egg [TS]

  I you know but for now like they are [TS]

  your they are your little friends [TS]

  yeah I want I want her to enjoy and [TS]

  treasurer things in a way that she [TS]

  currently does not but I that whole like [TS]

  keep this nice thing just for [TS]

  collectability sake is is really a gross [TS]

  conceit of old men [TS]

  yeah when did you discover that santa [TS]

  wasn't real spoiler [TS]

  oh sorry sorry fifteen-year-olds i [TS]

  listen to hold her yesterday we had an [TS]

  amazing talk I I was I didn't cry but [TS]

  like it was it really went well and we [TS]

  let me just finish the the anecdote [TS]

  basically we also then we went [TS]

  something I've been preparing for for [TS]

  years which is when this day comes gate [TS]

  how she feels about it and and in this [TS]

  revealed that she's known for a long [TS]

  time I think she's been doing it for us [TS]

  but she's fine with it i said well you [TS]

  know now like there's a couple important [TS]

  things so the first important thing it's [TS]

  the same thing as Empire Strikes Back [TS]

  it's really important now that you are [TS]

  on this side of it don't be that kid [TS]

  that's right so even if other kids ask [TS]

  you about you don't tell them right [TS]

  which brings us to part two which is now [TS]

  you're in on the secret report will go [TS]

  naughty welcome you're part of the your [TS]

  welcome welcome to the scene just now [TS]

  here's the thing here's the price is [TS]

  gonna sound crazy to you is we want to [TS]

  keep doing this in our household [TS]

  oh yes and we and the thing is we need [TS]

  your help so believe it or not as crazy [TS]

  as this sounds you know what you know [TS]

  the note with the with the weird [TS]

  left-handed cursive handwriting his [TS]

  daddy can't really write in cursive to [TS]

  begin with [TS]

  like you know what's crazy is going to [TS]

  help us with that even those cookies are [TS]

  for no one and that's why it's important [TS]

  boom mic drop [TS]

  wow I love that you know my mom and i [TS]

  still give each other presents from [TS]

  saying of course you do and that side [TS]

  and the thing is she didn't blow a [TS]

  gasket and freaked out and go this makes [TS]

  no logical sense and I think she still [TS]

  because she's a she's a eight-year-old [TS]

  girl she's probably still gonna use this [TS]

  as leverage when needed with other kids [TS]

  up you know if you should bring a gun to [TS]

  school you know today you tell me tell [TS]

  the truth [TS]

  yeah you bring the knowledge of Santa hi [TS]

  it's kind of it's kind of a relief and [TS]

  it's a super-duper relief that it went [TS]

  well and there are lots of hugs when I [TS]

  was no you're going to be teaching her [TS]

  develop parallel park person teaching [TS]

  people to parallel park [TS]

  well just you got to get it in real fast [TS]

  because there's going to be self-driving [TS]

  cars but don't let me get started you [TS]

  want to see you can see that back when [TS]

  you can see the back bumper start [TS]

  turning and don't turn a little turn [TS]

  hard turn off turn harder than you think [TS]

  our turn hard and waterlogging they're [TS]

  all the way back and the thing is people [TS]

  come to san francisco in there so [TS]

  confused [TS]

  this is the boot camp for parallel [TS]

  parking because you're going to you [TS]

  would be surprised you will be amazed [TS]

  I'll tell you soldier you're not going [TS]

  to believe what can fit into what once [TS]

  you've benefits [TS]

  ya what I'll say especially on the [TS]

  castro but if you are only getting suits [TS]

  square if you're on a hill and you're [TS]

  trying to parallel park well first of [TS]

  all do not let your tow pilot get out [TS]

  and stand on the song come all and don't [TS]

  just just put your balls in the popcorn [TS]

  yeah if you need that then just stay in [TS]

  your car just sit there to the district [TS]

  just drive somewhere like sometimes like [TS]

  fighter there parking [TS]

  yeah right i learned about Santa right [TS]

  when I was the same age I was eight [TS]

  years old but I had a younger sibling so [TS]

  I was brought into the fold and not just [TS]

  like you have to be careful around other [TS]

  kids but now our whole family is engaged [TS]

  in a conspiracy to keep this secret from [TS]

  the from the baby who is six years old [TS]

  but i think that my sister my little [TS]

  sister knew that Santa was faked a long [TS]

  time before i did because she's very [TS]

  practical person but then we were all [TS]

  engaged in a conspiracy including my [TS]

  little sister who was humoring us all to [TS]

  continue to Santa Phi it so what would [TS]

  you like an open secret open secret but [TS]

  know anybody was out there a word for it [TS]

  but it's something where like we all [TS]

  know that what we're saying or it open [TS]

  while i like but we're all agreeing to [TS]

  act like this is different than how we [TS]

  all actually no it is and we don't need [TS]

  to talk about it [TS]

  yeah it's like it's like the entire [TS]

  country treated the bush administration [TS]

  right like we all know that this person [TS]

  let's get let's just get through this [TS]

  yeah yeah and we all know that there's [TS]

  no actual real threat to American we all [TS]

  know that this is all a trumped-up thing [TS]

  but each of us has a military base in [TS]

  our congressional district and we do not [TS]

  want that base closed because when are [TS]

  we gonna sell Mustangs and selling [TS]

  Mustangs big part of our economy you [TS]

  know it turns out most mr. Corvettes but [TS]

  by lieutenant Colonel's is that right [TS]

  now sure I do not doubt that i think [TS]

  most of most of the Dodge Challengers [TS]

  and Mustangs mustang gts are sold to two [TS]

  new recruits those are guys to put their [TS]

  dick in the popcorn [TS]

  ok think donuts dollars dollars dollars [TS]

  to dames i'll bet you though [TS]

  the kind of guys that were there were [TS]

  pending in into their popcorn home [TS]

  thank you for your service thank you [TS]

  thank you [TS]

  [Music] [TS]