Roderick on the Line

Ep. 214: "Tinder for the Google Man"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  sponsored by America votes with cards [TS]

  against humanity cards against humanity [TS]

  asks Americans to vote this November [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John I'm I Merlin how's it [TS]

  going [TS]

  oh it's going so good oh good morning [TS]

  mmm good morning mhm [TS]

  oh boy I know what I want whoo-hoo yeah [TS]

  yeah yeahs catcher what the human [TS]

  condition i was on a plane all night [TS]

  now that's not good you know what that [TS]

  no I arrived in seattle at 515 am I am [TS]

  you are you on a plane five hours ago [TS]

  the others [TS]

  yeah dancer huh and then I woke up with [TS]

  a sore throat are you know if I was our [TS]

  broadcast partner pal [TS]

  dan Benjamin who i'd already be at the [TS]

  doctor's office he beat the doctor twice [TS]

  by now I would have canceled this [TS]

  episode of the show in your ropes [TS]

  training because I would have needed [TS]

  some medical attention on but I am NOT [TS]

  and Benjamin I'm me and I'm here in the [TS]

  chair [TS]

  oh man he's selling his like you're [TS]

  about to blow I'm back [TS]

  no I here's the thing i realized that [TS]

  your you've been flying in your your [TS]

  little bit sick we just see no you also [TS]

  sound like you could just blow up right [TS]

  now like you could really this could be [TS]

  it this could be if you ever need to [TS]

  emulate the feeling of this is the last [TS]

  straw that that's the voice listen I i [TS]

  do not want to miss my chance to blow a [TS]

  guarantee you know because more attempts [TS]

  on my father's like opportunity comes [TS]

  once in a lifetime [TS]

  well I'll try to join you in this tone [TS]

  alright alright why like why were you [TS]

  traveling and going to do this entire [TS]

  program with clenched teeth was it for [TS]

  business or pleasure it was there is no [TS]

  pleasure in flying well hold on i i i [TS]

  went up to the nice lady and I said [TS]

  listen [TS]

  my google arenas now use its you selling [TS]

  it Jeanne old black you know inside me [TS]

  uh-huh there are a lot of cells [TS]

  oh you're like what women but I you know [TS]

  I was booked on a flight that left two [TS]

  a.m. and got in at 6 55 or something [TS]

  like that and i went up to the counter [TS]

  is the thing about Alaska Airlines you [TS]

  can change your flight right there at [TS]

  the kiosk so it's change it to an [TS]

  earlier flight but then i was on a [TS]

  middle seat in the middle plane was [TS]

  gonna be awful was going to be worse [TS]

  than bad know how far from anywhere even [TS]

  if I could ask my flight from LA I use [TS]

  are you saying that that it was a [TS]

  one-hour flight that would be somehow [TS]

  more tolerable I guess it would I guess [TS]

  I 19-hour flight i need to have more [TS]

  facts in order to propose some kind of [TS]

  preposterous theory about you could [TS]

  probably suck it up for two hearts but [TS]

  it was a dignity dignity comes into it [TS]

  was a three-hour flight but I went up to [TS]

  the lady you know you gotta know the [TS]

  deal even and 45 minutes before the [TS]

  flight takes off they close the flight [TS]

  oh yeah thatthat's I don't understand [TS]

  that it was actually considering that [TS]

  they quote unquote open the flight [TS]

  usually about five minutes before that [TS]

  well no there's nobody there there's no [TS]

  might be signage about what's going to [TS]

  happen there at some point later in the [TS]

  day [TS]

  eventually one Harry person shows up a [TS]

  lot of white men run to the counter and [TS]

  then they close the flight [TS]

  that's right the flight is closed and [TS]

  i'm one of those white men and I say [TS]

  listen I know you're about to close the [TS]

  flight and I really can't be in this [TS]

  seat for a variety of reasons I'm very [TS]

  special person that I have right here i [TS]

  have my service horse will have trained [TS]

  to tap his hooves in order to [TS]

  communicate how desperately i need this [TS]

  chair lol people interact with Winston [TS]

  and she told ya my service turkey and [TS]

  she took me she just like very very [TS]

  cash on the download just put me right [TS]

  in an exit row around the island exit [TS]

  row that didn't have a person in the [TS]

  middle seat it was just it was full [TS]

  flight the the woman prior and told me [TS]

  there were no seats available [TS]

  they closed that flight and that's when [TS]

  those exits eats cum online Merle uh-huh [TS]

  anyway I was flying from Anchorage [TS]

  Alaska my hometown because i went back [TS]

  to attend my 30th highschool reunion and [TS]

  I don't know if you remember the film [TS]

  peggy sue got married [TS]

  no yeah probably i think that was one of [TS]

  the early Nicolas Cage hells yeah it was [TS]

  an eighties film where Kathleen Turner [TS]

  went back in time to her [TS]

  30 30 years to when she was in high [TS]

  school [TS]

  yeah that's running about and that came [TS]

  out when we are in high school and [TS]

  Kathleen Turner was envied ibly thought [TS]

  to be an actress who could play who [TS]

  could go back and play herself in high [TS]

  school she was the Michael J Fox of the [TS]

  story but now its new standards this [TS]

  let's be honest the standards have [TS]

  changed [TS]

  it's true it's like you know sometimes [TS]

  they measure the the economy how much [TS]

  Big Mac costs I think today you can [TS]

  judge the health of what it means to be [TS]

  an actress in hollywood by how old you [TS]

  have to be to play Peter Parker's aren't [TS]

  which was originally I think mrs. [TS]

  Cunningham and more recently was marisa [TS]

  tomei marisa tomei is such a good actor [TS]

  has good i really admire her [TS]

  I feel like yeah it sounds like it's [TS]

  right after topic so so whatever's [TS]

  travels in time with nicolas cage and we [TS]

  were high scarlett johansson plays the [TS]

  beyond unnoticed the sexually [TS]

  unappealing matron in a film because [TS]

  she's older she's gotta be pushing 30 [TS]

  now it's 35 or whatever oh my gosh I [TS]

  told that will be the day that I check [TS]

  out [TS]

  no I don't remember feeling [TS]

  uncomfortable about finding her [TS]

  attractive in that in that steve buscemi [TS]

  movie [TS]

  with the other girl because she's a [TS]

  teenager solution teenager right she was [TS]

  playing a teenager and yeah I made you [TS]

  feel uncomfortable my thinking [TS]

  uncomfortable i love movies [TS]

  how do you feel about songs from the [TS]

  fifties sixties and seventies that [TS]

  reference uh like younger women [TS]

  this is that side this i will hear [TS]

  anecdote but that that's a big topic is [TS]

  actually keys and something that I think [TS]

  about a lot which is the coded language [TS]

  of men over time and I was sitting [TS]

  around the other day as irritating and [TS]

  it occurred to me that you know because [TS]

  there's always been code is always been [TS]

  coding when you say stuff like you know [TS]

  we exist of like you know oh there's [TS]

  gonna be girls there and for a long time [TS]

  when I was younger I would think the [TS]

  1000 i can get a date or like or have a [TS]

  chance to try out my social skills that [TS]

  was gonna be girls there and then as I [TS]

  got a little older I started seeing oh [TS]

  yeah that's probably the girls i can [TS]

  kiss on women as I got a little earlier [TS]

  when they're being seen with the guys [TS]

  let's go to this party is gonna be girls [TS]

  i'm pretty sure that was code for we're [TS]

  gonna have intercourse [TS]

  oh wow and now I find myself as a [TS]

  moulder and urinating I think to myself [TS]

  I wonder how many times that means i can [TS]

  force a girl to to do something with me [TS]

  you know for certain kinds of codes in [TS]

  earlier times what I'm saying [TS]

  and as for like a chase around teenage [TS]

  girls like you know Chuck Berry ran into [TS]

  a little trouble with that I thought he [TS]

  ran into trouble to see was hiding in to [TS]

  us in toilets yeah yeah that's the thing [TS]

  that has I think that Chuck Berry can [TS]

  find out you know around the time you [TS]

  know the music died like all those guys [TS]

  died in a crash and then you know Chuck [TS]

  Berry violated the Mann Act and you're [TS]

  like and then you know that in that case [TS]

  you know was named kathleen quinlan was [TS]

  a girl Kathleen Turner you know the [TS]

  fighting going back in time is 0 [TS]

  all he did was try to transport his [TS]

  cousin over the state line for Nikki but [TS]

  like who knows he might have had some [TS]

  prototypical Russian spy camera in the [TS]

  bus station bathroom because that's [TS]

  really his thing so i decided i think is [TS]

  a dookie man i decided to to yet to to [TS]

  figure out what the real story of the of [TS]

  the [TS]

  whoever the character was that actually [TS]

  was hiding inside a port-a-potty because [TS]

  they wanted they wanted to watch people [TS]

  go to the potty [TS]

  yeah and I ced at the the to put a low [TS]

  point on it I think he had some partial [TS]

  ownership in like an establishment like [TS]

  a restaurant right and so at some point [TS]

  he caused cameras to be installed where [TS]

  he could watch ladies go to the bathroom [TS]

  but there was someone who actually was [TS]

  in the toilet [TS]

  that's right you get thought-form for [TS]

  that promise so I i just tried to Google [TS]

  hiding in toilet and that's gonna go on [TS]

  my permanent record right google has put [TS]

  that jumped in cabinets to get put in [TS]

  google is Sergey Brin let their nests [TS]

  that you're getting you're gonna get ads [TS]

  based on was hiding and hiding hiding [TS]

  hiding in toilet and so whatever [TS]

  whenever I put something in the Google I [TS]

  imagine sergey brin sitting at a big [TS]

  desk which is in to speak with google [TS]

  glass on an entire heads-up display an [TS]

  array of things spin out of that he [TS]

  clicks eclipse there's like three [TS]

  pathways you choose for you at this [TS]

  point it's like it's like a job 04 your [TS]

  sexuality [TS]

  no but this is my this is my imagination [TS]

  right Sunday's he's he's got the [TS]

  heads-up displays that because this is a [TS]

  cinematic imagination are visible to us [TS]

  the viewer right out there in in virtual [TS]

  space in front of him [TS]

  the desk is completely clean of any of [TS]

  no comments no pen holder no pictures [TS]

  family little 10 clean broad desk he's [TS]

  sitting there in a black turtleneck with [TS]

  the with the in homage sure and that [TS]

  he's wearing Google glass and then a [TS]

  secretary walks in and puts a piece of [TS]

  paper on his desk already scan it with [TS]

  Snowden google glass existed should put [TS]

  it facedown his desk piece of paper and [TS]

  he picks it up and it says hiding in [TS]

  toilet [TS]

  because you can be a new wrinkle in the [TS]

  sexuality of General Eric he's [TS]

  monitoring me in a different way and he [TS]

  doesn't want he doesn't want the record [TS]

  on his google glass [TS]

  oh and he's how that anything any [TS]

  information he finds about me it's on [TS]

  paper and then he burns it has been [TS]

  doing this for a while John that in my [TS]

  imagination he has like it'sit's had the [TS]

  ability you you've been on his glass [TS]

  screen but here's the truth here's the [TS]

  wrinkle yeah i went to write hiding in [TS]

  toilet and I swear to you accidentally [TS]

  finger from ball i wrote hiding internal [TS]

  it with Archie Bunker fetish [TS]

  that's right which is a little bit of [TS]

  coded language it's actually much more [TS]

  appropriate whoever it was that did [TS]

  hiding the toilet probably pronounced in [TS]

  toilet yeah but now Sergei was not a [TS]

  native English speaker know gets that on [TS]

  a piece of paper possibly hiding [TS]

  internal it and he's that's hard to [TS]

  parse peak and the thing is you could [TS]

  google it probably but he wants no [TS]

  record so he's looking at hiding it [TS]

  turlet oh and he's making no sense out [TS]

  of this i guess you could you could just [TS]

  google turlet it suddenly someone [TS]

  somewhere down in mountain view here [TS]

  boob grace appear micrometer as we [TS]

  continue to believe that because he's [TS]

  checking everything grace our require [TS]

  moment so now there is an article here [TS]

  afternoon after googling hiding in [TS]

  turlet there's an article here on the [TS]

  Huffington Post which is which is never [TS]

  wrong [TS]

  the port-a-potty paper [TS]

  huh-uh from boulder colorado [TS]

  port-a-potty paper or paper prompts this [TS]

  is that they do some alliteration party [TS]

  part of paper prompts for body probe [TS]

  police in no problem huh [TS]

  but then i click on the article and what [TS]

  came up was an inspiring way New Orleans [TS]

  youth persevered 11 years post-katrina [TS]

  yeah I think surgery is gonna take some [TS]

  personal time another piece of paper is [TS]

  gently slid onto his desk where met [TS]

  download but the page here toilet terror [TS]

  as Python bites man's penis while he [TS]

  sits on the loop that's something to [TS]

  post know this is somewhere else this is [TS]

  well here they say Lou so you know it's [TS]

  got to be some kind of you know that [TS]

  comes from British ship potty talk you [TS]

  know that comes from Lou supposedly [TS]

  turns out it comes from the toilet in a [TS]

  public building in England was often [TS]

  room 100 really turns out i don't know [TS]

  that's true you can notice that person [TS]

  and i think john at this point you [TS]

  should probably just stop searching I [TS]

  think you've you've given plenty of [TS]

  tender to the google man i just clicked [TS]

  that's one of my favorite cat stevens [TS]

  stops different good interpersonal man [TS]

  well I i I'm being bothered by my click [TS]

  on toilet errors Python bites minds [TS]

  man's penis while he sits on the loop [TS]

  before bloody battle ensues that's the [TS]

  the rest of the headline huh [TS]

  so now that piece of paper is getting [TS]

  slit across that desk right this very [TS]

  moment and you know he's easy on other [TS]

  work to do [TS]

  he's up in the google glass moving [TS]

  billions of dollars around he's buying [TS]

  yachts he's doing stuff am imagining it [TS]

  because most of what I know about [TS]

  running a large corporation comes from [TS]

  watching TV shows in the in the [TS]

  seventies I imagine that periodically [TS]

  somebody comes into interrupting he's [TS]

  frustrated they thrust a giant pile of [TS]

  papers and say sign here and here in [TS]

  here in here so he's still he's still [TS]

  splitting his attention he occasionally [TS]

  has to do something [TS]

  he has to decide that something needs to [TS]

  be purchased hehe maybe order a couple [TS]

  Tesla's he signed some merger and [TS]

  acquisition documents but the whole time [TS]

  he's thinking about the turlet pythons [TS]

  the thing is that the number of [TS]

  situations in being in my life presently [TS]

  where people send me an email where they [TS]

  want me to use and some kind of app to [TS]

  sign the email and send it back a secure [TS]

  app and sign it now or signed with a Z [TS]

  signs and I've got some of these [TS]

  programs and I sit and try to navigate [TS]

  them in and sign my document virtually [TS]

  and send it back [TS]

  you're always you're often often kind [TS]

  enough to include me in the threat for [TS]

  this that because i wanted my phone I [TS]

  conduct my business on my telephone and [TS]

  I frankly don't understand why I would [TS]

  need to virtually sign as easy on this [TS]

  forum [TS]

  yeah it this application is not loading [TS]

  properly on my telephone [TS]

  yeah what I would i say is can you not [TS]

  accept an email authorization of this [TS]

  like contract for five dollars it's like [TS]

  it's like yeah exactly that's what kills [TS]

  me [TS]

  it's like you know I'm not bowing [TS]

  alright you want me to like come and do [TS]

  like a little puppet show for 42 minutes [TS]

  yeah and like we're talking about like [TS]

  what what you spend on light bulbs in an [TS]

  afternoon in this one building we're [TS]

  talking about like rounding error levels [TS]

  of money here that i won't see for six [TS]

  months and yet I have to fill out the [TS]

  Boeing for ya like like [TS]

  no I don't have a million dollars in [TS]

  insurance nobody has a million dollars [TS]

  insurance who are you [TS]

  I is now spent more time trying to sign [TS]

  this form than I did during the during [TS]

  the presentation you hired me to give [TS]

  like my my show was not this long time [TS]

  two hours into trying to sign your [TS]

  fucking contract is also it's a [TS]

  professional heal those organizations [TS]

  and God love the people who are in [TS]

  charge of putting those forms on my [TS]

  phone but they have a bunch of people [TS]

  who just sit around all day doing [TS]

  nothing but making those little gears [TS]

  turn just a tiny little bit yeah and [TS]

  like the thing is I'm over here and I [TS]

  got stuff to do it's not important stuff [TS]

  you know who I got no soup you got this [TS]

  guy over here not me [TS]

  and the whole time I'm not an important [TS]

  man John I'm like as i like to say John [TS]

  I'm not busy I'm time constraint i I'm [TS]

  not busy but I built my life for 49 [TS]

  years getting to where I can be time [TS]

  constraint without being busy when you [TS]

  make me to sign something with a Z on my [TS]

  phone [TS]

  you're making me busy and you're [TS]

  attaching an eel to my phone that's [TS]

  right we see this all the time [TS]

  yes people who there they are getting [TS]

  work credit for sending emails [TS]

  oh they could get paid to not make that [TS]

  your turn buddy and i am sitting here [TS]

  not getting work credit for receiving [TS]

  their emails so it it costs them nothing [TS]

  to send me five emails a day to make [TS]

  sure that i'm gonna be there at load in [TS]

  time costs them nothing [TS]

  it's there it's their job they're being [TS]

  rewarded for it but every one of those [TS]

  emails I have to use my eyes to look at [TS]

  and although you don't have to sign if [TS]

  you ignore it still takes a minute to [TS]

  decide to the north gate for ignoring [TS]

  things [TS]

  well then I get 14 more emails just [TS]

  checking to make sure that you got my [TS]

  email that circle back [TS]

  actually I got that as a form i don't [TS]

  know if we talk about this but you know [TS]

  I i was getting phone calls to to make [TS]

  sure I'd seen the email that was making [TS]

  sure that I'd seen the text that was [TS]

  telling me what time to be a place where [TS]

  the thing [TS]

  what were the time to be a place had [TS]

  been carefully stated in five or six [TS]

  emails I'd already received a great [TS]

  great part is those people will get to [TS]

  retire with those people have a job [TS]

  where they get paid the same amount of [TS]

  money every month and they get to retire [TS]

  their kids get to go to college and [TS]

  you're sitting there answering emails [TS]

  about did you get my phone call about [TS]

  the email about the phone call about the [TS]

  gig and loaded [TS]

  yeah like San we send me this sign [TS]

  contract so i can send you the money I [TS]

  owe you [TS]

  oh my god for the thing you did already [TS]

  that I asked you you know that I said I [TS]

  would pay you to do but i can't pay [TS]

  I there's an outstanding one right now I [TS]

  am owed money by music company in [TS]

  England you know for for some work I did [TS]

  on an album was at the four tracks john [TS]

  this is right circle brixham [TS]

  and they and it's like it's like when [TS]

  you're become a Microsoft vendor i went [TS]

  online and somebody sent me an email and [TS]

  they were like just click here and sign [TS]

  up as a vendor for mca dot u K or [TS]

  whatever and that then we'll be able to [TS]

  pay and i went online and i filled out [TS]

  the whole fucking form and then I [TS]

  clicked on send and it and had asked an [TS]

  inscrutable question like it went to [TS]

  another page upon which there was a an [TS]

  inscrutable question and I tried to [TS]

  answer it and it did not accept my [TS]

  answer huh and would not accept the form [TS]

  and you know I hurt no one but myself [TS]

  when I say go fuck yourself you have now [TS]

  I've now gone to a third location with [TS]

  the hippie ya never do that and I do not [TS]

  want to be here anymore [TS]

  go fuck yourself that you're the weirdo [TS]

  you're the weirdo yeah that's it that is [TS]

  inscrutable to them that you would not [TS]

  want to take another couple days of your [TS]

  life to just go deal with the with the [TS]

  content management system again what [TS]

  does what it required is that I've been [TS]

  emailed the person back who sent me the [TS]

  email and and I have to just wipe all [TS]

  the work I've done so far because i [TS]

  can't get back to that screen have to [TS]

  email that person said what is the what [TS]

  is this question about what do I have to [TS]

  what the question was who was your [TS]

  reference I name the person that was [TS]

  your reference and i put in the name of [TS]

  the person that sent me because [TS]

  obviously we don't have access to the [TS]

  system that you spent all that time we [TS]

  have to go find it was a Johnny yeah [TS]

  yeah really well know John emailed me i [TS]

  get these emails all the time about [TS]

  who's my new contact [TS]

  I think I think Joey might be three [TS]

  people ago ya ever get those you've got [TS]

  you've gotten those height when [TS]

  introduced my replacement [TS]

  yeah cheers leone speak when you're near [TS]

  the airport in your you type do you have [TS]

  your flight number [TS]

  no here's my name what's your final [TS]

  destination today [TS]

  here's my final destination all right [TS]

  now you have my name and my final [TS]

  destination [TS]

  tell me that there are more than one [TS]

  John Roderick right now that are going [TS]

  to seattle tell can't do it service [TS]

  security and so then it's like oh well [TS]

  which flight are you on [TS]

  and here's a list of five flights pick [TS]

  the one that you're on [TS]

  alright I'm i don't remember which one [TS]

  month this one that one and so sorry [TS]

  you're here now back out at the front [TS]

  back out at the front of the back out of [TS]

  the gate push the button [TS]

  can I get in please i want it all to die [TS]

  Merlin I want everything I want it all [TS]

  to die and i wanted to go back to [TS]

  triplet remember triplicates yeah surely [TS]

  do you remember the goldenrod goldenrod [TS]

  i love this whole you know that the [TS]

  goldenrod was usually my copy to [TS]

  remember to gene did you smell [TS]

  mimeograph paper [TS]

  we've talked about this of course idea i [TS]

  seldom I smelled all the things it i [TS]

  passed onto my daughter she's a hot for [TS]

  now she smells so she'll enjoy a sharpie [TS]

  remember sitting at a gas station when [TS]

  there were no things that kept [TS]

  chlorofluorocarbons from just pouring [TS]

  into the atmosphere on the trip and just [TS]

  huffing that gasps Oh gasps yeah the [TS]

  leaded gas Maryland then we huffed i [TS]

  missed the gas i missed the Midway graph [TS]

  paper so it's 1985 Peggy Sue bodell sets [TS]

  off to her 25-year high school reunion [TS]

  with her daughter Beth oh she's just [TS]

  separated from her high school [TS]

  sweetheart now husband Charlie and his [TS]

  weary of attending the reunion because [TS]

  of everyone questioning her about his [TS]

  absence as they have been married since [TS]

  Peggy became pregnant right after [TS]

  graduation I had this very conversation [TS]

  just last just just last night with one [TS]

  of my highschool classmates [TS]

  yes this is directed by francis ford [TS]

  coppola we aware that I I was not aware [TS]

  of that [TS]

  just someone getting divorced just now [TS]

  after having been married since high [TS]

  school [TS]

  that's heavy the entire time that you [TS]

  and I've been doing this podcast and [TS]

  before that even these two people were [TS]

  married all the way back to when I was [TS]

  in high school and now they're getting [TS]

  into [TS]

  yeah I mean it's kind of become the [TS]

  default assumption you know it's like I [TS]

  I recently reconnected with the power [TS]

  from college she I know somebody [TS]

  following me and responding at home that [TS]

  person has the name of somebody was [TS]

  pretty good friends with in college and [TS]

  so I did that thing that's really [TS]

  awkward right said mom there get your [TS]

  final destination [TS]

  what if huh what's your fucking i said i [TS]

  miss any chance there any chance that [TS]

  this is the doesn't such person that I [TS]

  knew in college which you know it's a [TS]

  fairly unusual name but i thought i'm [TS]

  probably gonna sound like a loon because [TS]

  who knows and she was like of course [TS]

  it's me [TS]

  so when is my god you send him is this [TS]

  wasn't such did I sent that message and [TS]

  then now I when I was exploring what [TS]

  she's been up to and it's like she's [TS]

  still with the guy that I mostly those [TS]

  closer friends with a in college there's [TS]

  they're still together and I was like [TS]

  wow thats I'm not feels like the [TS]

  exception [TS]

  yeah you don't can assume you can't go [TS]

  like you know house Christine or [TS]

  whatever or you know all what about [TS]

  James how is he is like I don't know we [TS]

  haven't talked since 1992 and all right [TS]

  sorry [TS]

  yeah I said that to a guy to I was like [TS]

  yeah you still see in Tasha rasmussen [TS]

  whatever it was like not since 1994 [TS]

  looks like oh what's been happening [TS]

  since then [TS]

  well I had three kids one of them's 22 [TS]

  years old shit I haven't talked to you [TS]

  in a long time [TS]

  yeah I know it's been about 22 years I I [TS]

  feel my forms i still feel very close to [TS]

  you [TS]

  yeah well here's the school together [TS]

  this is the Atlas together as part of it [TS]

  i really wish you'd tell me more about [TS]

  your story but the others part of this [TS]

  is that I want to hear I realized by [TS]

  going to Google somebody and in so many [TS]

  of my friends that there are still out [TS]

  there are some of them are still writers [TS]

  a lot of them have become developers and [TS]

  stuff like that and I'll go I'll look [TS]

  somebody up and I'll go wow shit man [TS]

  that guy you please put pushing 50 [TS]

  dog-eat-dog and i'll be like and then go [TS]

  like it sweet [TS]

  here because i know they were mostly my [TS]

  age in 1986 and the crazy part is [TS]

  they're still mostly my age today [TS]

  because in my head they will always be [TS]

  19 or 20 [TS]

  I know this is an obvious thing but when [TS]

  you actually are confronted with like [TS]

  holy shit you're you're older now than [TS]

  you and your dad was when I met you [TS]

  which is in agreement that smooth and [TS]

  now your fingers still didn't get the [TS]

  email you about this to the email how [TS]

  they let you know John it's time for the [TS]

  32 33 Union yes today is such a high [TS]

  school is it you want to the high school [TS]

  that wasn't a good high school you went [TS]

  to the other always a good i'm perfectly [TS]

  fine but you're not the high school got [TS]

  ozzy osbourne know where we weren't we [TS]

  was always pretty I feel like you've [TS]

  always portrayed it as like you were the [TS]

  also-ran you mean where's my hit the [TS]

  white ribbon I we were highschool number [TS]

  two who high school number one uh for [TS]

  many many years was the only high school [TS]

  and they also have the auditorium that [TS]

  seed seated 2,000 people so everyone in [TS]

  Anchorage when there was something to do [TS]

  when there was an event in in 1960 [TS]

  everybody in the city went and SAT in [TS]

  the west high auditorium and on the side [TS]

  of the westheimer aquarium as a giant [TS]

  Bald Eagle shrieking through the sky [TS]

  with its talons outstretched to catch a [TS]

  giant anchor a giant be fouled anchor [TS]

  like in relationship to this screaming [TS]

  eagle it is a truly bad ass logo and [TS]

  then it was determined that the city was [TS]

  growing and it needed a second high [TS]

  school also West has colors were black [TS]

  and orange very tough see those you do a [TS]

  leather jacket your collar we recall [TS]

  what year's work [TS]

  sure I do holy warriors well let me get [TS]

  there okay because when they started [TS]

  when they built east high school [TS]

  they did not give it a 2000 seat [TS]

  auditorium and the mascot was the [TS]

  Thunderbird a mythical animal and the [TS]

  Thunderbird was represented in sort of [TS]

  Native American like general vague [TS]

  Native American iconography but a [TS]

  Thunderbird is not it's not part of the [TS]

  the Eskimo that's more or less that [TS]

  feels more like a Southwest I'm look at [TS]

  the lower 48 like a Southwest Native [TS]

  American kind of thing [TS]

  look at the UCC a Thunderbird thing I [TS]

  feel like maybe in like in like I in [TS]

  Arizona or New Mexico and even like [TS]

  Pacific Northwest you know I can also [TS]

  see a vancouver top type Thunderbird day [TS]

  there's all kinds of what the card [TS]

  indigenous know every original peoples [TS]

  whatever thats that's a huge thing we're [TS]

  in vancouver it was like it was in [TS]

  ironically a big part of the culture [TS]

  there was like this yeah experience of [TS]

  that culture looks good let's call it a [TS]

  look let's call it an indigenous myth [TS]

  mythology my wife and I went to a fancy [TS]

  dinner at a place that was all like it [TS]

  was like kind of fancy but like the [TS]

  Atlantic ish upscale like a I don't want [TS]

  to say something racist but I don't say [TS]

  Indian whatever the work term they use [TS]

  there is but what's the whatever the the [TS]

  tribes of the British Columbia they're [TS]

  still very aware that totem poles in the [TS]

  park and this whole thing you know where [TS]

  the the Haida and the blanket right the [TS]

  clicker from a little bit further north [TS]

  I'm catco's the Haida are from right [TS]

  around there but there are a lot of [TS]

  subject sub-tribes right right right [TS]

  uh the you know the LED the lips the the [TS]

  tribes from right around here [TS]

  I mean I i could name 40 of them but [TS]

  they're all related to the Haida what [TS]

  happened the supra tribe but the Thunder [TS]

  what one thing the Thunderbird is not is [TS]

  either an Eskimo [TS]

  like icon nor is it really like a [TS]

  central Alaskan I don't I don't I don't [TS]

  think of it as a as an Athabascan image [TS]

  and Anchorage is not really part of the [TS]

  turf of the of the blanket who you know [TS]

  their turf ends down there in the [TS]

  wrangles somewhere i don't know i'm [TS]

  using a lot of words in the sentence [TS]

  word salad but I'm riding the wave and [TS]

  so it sounds a little bit like saying [TS]

  it's like it might as well as meaningful [TS]

  as saying like hey we're the Pirates [TS]

  well we never really had Pirates here or [TS]

  what oh they're they're adopting some [TS]

  kind of a culture [TS]

  yeah but even yeah right it's not [TS]

  there's no there are no hurricanes on [TS]

  the west coast so you shouldn't because [TS]

  you shouldn't say like East I hurricanes [TS]

  they you know it should be cyclones or [TS]

  whatever but yeah this is that this is [TS]

  some there aren't totem poles in [TS]

  Anchorage let's just put it that way [TS]

  there are no totem poles but the East [TS]

  High logo looks like it came from a [TS]

  totem pole so right away you're feeling [TS]

  like um and then to make matters worse [TS]

  our colors were red white and powder [TS]

  blue and so our letter jackets were the [TS]

  the body of them were powder blue sounds [TS]

  kinda like maybe like Eastern European [TS]

  it well and out and my lady friend went [TS]

  to my reunion with me and she said I [TS]

  find those very attractive colors and I [TS]

  said but but but yes okay but are they [TS]

  butch sports color [TS]

  she'sshe's millennium she's a millennium [TS]

  so she's like I don't even know what [TS]

  about butch sports colors but i think [TS]

  it's a very attractive jacket in a in it [TS]

  in any case so here we are [TS]

  against the fighting Eagles west high [TS]

  and we're like the the powder blue [TS]

  Thunderbirds it was tough and and what [TS]

  what drives me crazy is were there no [TS]

  other fierce animals in Alaska that [TS]

  could have been the mascot of the second [TS]

  high school [TS]

  yeah how about a bear what about a wolf [TS]

  these are there there are these he could [TS]

  have even gone with [TS]

  you know something that seems to be a [TS]

  touchdown for you which is the hearty [TS]

  stock of the various people that have [TS]

  come there over time so we can really [TS]

  get to san francisco 49ers or something [TS]

  like that you could go with something [TS]

  that's about the people but instead they [TS]

  transplanted a Thunderbird sure the [TS]

  Anchorage anchors I don't know the West [TS]

  i already have the anchor let's say they [TS]

  have the eagle and the anchor it's so [TS]

  infuriating and if they had a secret [TS]

  society i bet it was called the Eagle in [TS]

  the anchor here we are [TS]

  the Thunderbird and the and the cultural [TS]

  co-optation and we could have been so [TS]

  the third high school or whatever [TS]

  Bartlett I think that Carlos in portland [TS]

  maybe diamond was the third could have [TS]

  been yeah i think one of those you know [TS]

  they're the Bears the diamonds are the [TS]

  something else's so here's East I the [TS]

  truth we fought we fought a just going [TS]

  there was a fight or a scrappy we were [TS]

  scrappy upstart so huh [TS]

  and so i'm back at the Reunion East I [TS]

  Thunderbirds goatee birds who and my [TS]

  classmates at least the ones that came [TS]

  to the reunion are in fine shape they're [TS]

  in find federal there were a lot of [TS]

  people there that I said did look the [TS]

  same like look the same or better than [TS]

  they did in high school and I was [TS]

  thinking when I went to the 20-year you [TS]

  know everybody had kind of thickened up [TS]

  and it seem to bode that by the time you [TS]

  get to the 30-year you know we were just [TS]

  going to be flesh mounds but people were [TS]

  in good shape [TS]

  they'll you know they looked sharp they [TS]

  had they had sparkle in their eyes a lot [TS]

  of them their you know their third kid [TS]

  was graduating from high school and [TS]

  they're ready to start a new adventure [TS]

  in life Kenny [TS]

  and I was standing there like in my [TS]

  banana republic blazer that i bought a [TS]

  Salvation Army for a dollar and thinking [TS]

  to myself [TS]

  christ almighty what it could look a [TS]

  bunch of people from how did this [TS]

  how'd they are older than my friend's [TS]

  parents were when i was in high school [TS]

  but my friend's parents looked like me [TS]

  piles with hair you know they were they [TS]

  needed to trim the hair on their ears [TS]

  and hear my of my highschool classmates [TS]

  look like they're the freaking Kennedy's [TS]

  so times have changed in the and the [TS]

  expectations are up by 5i I went [TS]

  immediately to a drugstore but just for [TS]

  men mustache die [TS]

  nice to see me now look like Tom Selleck [TS]

  this November we head to the polls and [TS]

  select the 45th President of the United [TS]

  States of America but today [TS]

  cards against humanity is asking you to [TS]

  vote with your dollar for the candidate [TS]

  that you support [TS]

  the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton [TS]

  is a graduate of Yale Law School who has [TS]

  served our country as secretary of state [TS]

  senator from New York and First Lady of [TS]

  the United States in her decades of [TS]

  public service [TS]

  she has tirelessly advocated for women's [TS]

  rights campaign finance reform and [TS]

  access to healthcare [TS]

  the Republican candidate Donald Trump [TS]

  will make America great again he is a [TS]

  powerful CEO who wears three suits at [TS]

  once all across america building [TS]

  screaming his name Trump Trump he always [TS]

  knows what time it is [TS]

  Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in [TS]

  a golf course at the end of this [TS]

  promotion cards against humanity will [TS]

  tally up the sales of both packs and [TS]

  depending on which pack gets more [TS]

  support we will donate all the money in [TS]

  support of Hillary Clinton [TS]

  exercise your sacred franchise at [TS] with cards against [TS]

  humanity dot-com [TS]

  I love to see you now that's a possible [TS]

  he's a good guy could have some guy i'm [TS]

  on my way [TS]

  uh-huh i'm on my way to you a legend [TS]

  when I am you know there's a lot of [TS]

  there are a lot of people didn't go to [TS]

  the 30th and I got it I got a lot of [TS]

  feedback from people online that [TS]

  indicated a kind of a kind of sort of [TS]

  smug consensus that like why would you [TS]

  go to your reunion [TS]

  herp derp and I feel like I feel like [TS]

  some of that attitude comes from people [TS]

  still not realizing that life is short [TS]

  and there aren't and it doesn't last [TS]

  forever your your reunions are like [TS]

  they're just a a pair of demarcation of [TS]

  life time progressing and that when i [TS]

  walked in the door of the reunion out [TS]

  you know I had a natural apprehension [TS]

  what's this going to be like the I [TS]

  haven't seen these people in years [TS]

  do I even have anything in common with [TS]

  them they're like moms and dads from [TS]

  Anchorage Alaska but then you get there [TS]

  and you know all these people you know [TS]

  them now for four decades even if you [TS]

  haven't seen him you know one like I [TS]

  can't remember what I meet somebody at a [TS]

  party in there like hi my name's Andy [TS]

  their name goes right in one ear and out [TS]

  the other I have no recollection of who [TS]

  they are one minute later and I turn to [TS]

  lean over to their friend of mine and I [TS]

  go what's this guy's name again and the [TS]

  handy and I said that's my secret shame [TS]

  i'm like right handy and then i turn my [TS]

  head back and look at Andy and I've [TS]

  already forgotten his name but I walk [TS]

  into this ski chalet where my 30th [TS]

  reunion is and every single person that [TS]

  walks up to me I'm like holy shit John [TS]

  Lindsay how are you i like oh my god [TS]

  it's chilly coochie like I know them [TS]

  like a like I nobody chillin sorry [TS]

  chilly was we could chill coochie that's [TS]

  terrific mean it's like somebody from [TS]

  Greece he's amazingly could use amazing [TS]

  lives in Denver you [TS]

  look about Kelly's a real person tell [TS]

  you know I normal and we had a very like [TS]

  an excellent high school class and i [TS]

  will end at the time I didn't think so [TS]

  but like really interesting excellent [TS]

  people who are still still thriving [TS]

  so I think that I think that those [TS]

  things like those little dumb flags your [TS]

  highschool reunions the dumb flags [TS]

  aren't you don't you too sophisticated [TS]

  for that now you've moved San Francisco [TS]

  oh no this is this is the irony is that [TS]

  i like i like to think that's the case [TS]

  but it's really just cuz I'm scared [TS]

  well and I think that's true for a lot [TS]

  of people who you know the people that [TS]

  are like I've I don't go back to my [TS]

  hometown I got out of there now I'm [TS]

  living now I've got 700 channels of [TS]

  television in my town [TS]

  I'm not going back to that but yeah you [TS]

  go back to that and you it turns out [TS]

  that you thought you were a nerd but [TS]

  none of your classmates did they all [TS]

  thought you were great [TS]

  or you remember everybody hating your [TS]

  guts but in fact they all really liked [TS]

  you and they're all nice now they're all [TS]

  nice people and they're not little high [TS]

  school jerks and every basis do this is [TS]

  what everybody says this is what [TS]

  everybody says it makes me feel terrible [TS]

  that I don't go to these things I think [TS]

  everybody should go right now because [TS]

  people are great i mean there's only one [TS]

  guy my eyes go reunion that is still [TS]

  working out the whole problem of cool [TS]

  there's one guy who every time I see him [TS]

  online he's very nice to me every time I [TS]

  see him in person he lurks over on the [TS]

  other side of the room because he's not [TS]

  gonna come say hi to me first [TS]

  there's a one guy you know a whole room [TS]

  of people I went to high school but [TS]

  still worried about that kind of that [TS]

  level of thing and he's a super [TS]

  interesting guy but he's just got this [TS]

  he's just still got you can see it in it [TS]

  but it's not like you're walking over to [TS]

  him first you're gonna wait here [TS]

  oh no I mean I I'm talking to people who [TS]

  are coming up to me to talk to me but [TS]

  I'm looking across the room and I see [TS]

  him over there and he's just looking at [TS]

  his fingernails [TS]

  when i get done talking to the people [TS]

  who are brave enough to come over and [TS]

  say hello then I do go over and say hey [TS]

  man because i want to relieve him of [TS]

  this stress but it's very funny to think [TS]

  that you wouldn't go to one of these [TS]

  things you're like oh jesus you know [TS]

  everybody's gonna be high school on me [TS]

  but nobody is except for one there's [TS]

  always one guy but this reunion is put [TS]

  together you in answer to your original [TS]

  question that was put together on [TS]

  facebook [TS]

  yeah there were no emails it all [TS]

  happened on Facebook including all of [TS]

  the threads where people were saying I [TS]

  maybe i can come maybe I can't how much [TS]

  is it [TS]

  when is it oh my daughter has a dance [TS]

  recital that day and it's like in yeah [TS]

  this is your 30th reunion like [TS]

  reschedule the dance recital [TS]

  there's a lot of that kind of facebook [TS]

  chatter and I just was always glimpsing [TS]

  and then I made my reservations to go to [TS]

  the reunion and then I arrived and then [TS]

  I was sort of getting on the plane and [TS]

  we got a text from one of my friends was [TS]

  like all right we'll see you in a couple [TS]

  of hours i was like what are you talking [TS]

  about the reunion tonight the reasons [TS]

  tonight friday night I naturally assumed [TS]

  it was saturday night because i never [TS]

  read the invite i didn't read the [TS]

  facebook description of and so I made [TS]

  him hated plane reservation that landed [TS]

  in Anchorage one hour after the event [TS]

  starts and so I i rented a car I i ran [TS]

  through the airport like a disgraced [TS]

  football star yep jumpin over suitcases [TS]

  jumping over suitcases nothing but [TS]

  smiles some little old lady says go [TS]

  j-rod who make it into that and make it [TS]

  into my rental four-by-four and I Korean [TS]

  across the city a city I know intimately [TS]

  all the way over to the mountains where [TS]

  the brain is being held in a ski chalet [TS]

  and you know what I wasn't even [TS]

  aight they were just getting started Wow [TS]

  and I have the whole reunion with all my [TS]

  my pals and then got in the four-by-four [TS]

  and raced back to the airport because my [TS]

  lady friend was flying in on a later [TS]

  flight [TS]

  I did all this and one night felt like a [TS]

  felt like I I didn't need to have flown [TS]

  in a day early because what I could have [TS]

  driven back to the airport and flown [TS]

  home I could have done that whole thing [TS]

  flown in landed gone to the reunion had [TS]

  a great time gone back to the airport [TS]

  gone home [TS]

  nobody would have I mean I could have [TS]

  left a pot on the stove [TS]

  no I'm saying Marilyn I could do your [TS]

  you're the it seems like you getting [TS]

  closer and closer with the you know [TS]

  sometimes you just need to put that [TS]

  fight around like you get you're gettin [TS]

  recent history indicates that you're a [TS]

  man is happy that you can if you have to [TS]

  hop back on a plane and just go straight [TS]

  back you just your jet-setting how many [TS]

  years of our lives have we thought oh [TS]

  boy i got a better get those plane [TS]

  tickets it's only six months till I have [TS]

  to fly [TS]

  oh yeah you know like find out about [TS]

  your travel insurance [TS]

  yeah going on trips is a big deal [TS]

  changing flights as an enormous steel [TS]

  you might as well just stay home you [TS]

  could get stranded if something goes [TS]

  wrong with your flight you may never go [TS]

  home again [TS]

  yeah and now I'm realizing that [TS]

  everything you do with visa via an [TS]

  airline cost a hundred bucks let's get [TS]

  to now you know what I mean like you've [TS]

  got a you've got a wallet with hundreds [TS]

  in it and every time you talk to [TS]

  somebody should just throw a [TS]

  hundred-dollar bill at him but it's only [TS]

  a hundred dollars once you understand [TS]

  that it's less shocking [TS]

  yeah it's easy just this is just how [TS]

  this works hey can I do this [TS]

  they're like yeah that'll be 101 dollars [TS]

  and ninety-five cents and you're like [TS]

  yeah I knew it was going to be a hundred [TS]

  dollars and so here's I have some [TS]

  hundreds already earmarked for this [TS]

  purpose and then you get at the thing is [TS]

  that hundred dollars allows you to be on [TS]

  an airplane in one hour rather than [TS]

  get a hotel room and wait until tomorrow [TS]

  get a 250 our hotel room and wait until [TS]

  you're originally scheduled flight or [TS]

  whatever you know like that hundred [TS]

  dollars is just the thing that is [TS]

  required and you can leave whenever you [TS]

  can leave you can I mean I was in LA in [TS]

  LA couple weeks ago and I said I'm [TS]

  leaving La right now what this did not [TS]

  work out this trip didn't work out i'm [TS]

  leaving and I was like 100 dollars and I [TS]

  was on an airplane in an hour so it has [TS]

  really stripped away the feeling that [TS]

  getting on an airplane is a big deal or [TS]

  that all that stuff all that like we got [TS]

  a plan we gotta prepare what are we [TS]

  gonna do when we get there [TS]

  like what are you gonna do you're gonna [TS]

  peel off another hundred dollars and [TS]

  throw it at somebody and then it's just [TS]

  like you play it's just like you planned [TS]

  it becomes becomes a kind of thought [TS]

  technology where you at so you're really [TS]

  realigning your whole idea of how this [TS]

  is gonna work [TS]

  Yeah Yeah right because it because if [TS]

  the trip originally if you had budgeted [TS]

  $1,000 for a trip let's say uh I mean [TS]

  that's ten one hundred dollars is uh huh [TS]

  and if the flight if you buy the flight [TS]

  today for a flight tomorrow and it costs [TS]

  whatever even $500 you still have 500 to [TS]

  throw and you still you're still within [TS]

  your budget so it was I mean I flew up [TS]

  to Anchorage on friday and i left Sunday [TS]

  night and that is a that's ludicrous to [TS]

  fly to Alaska for the weekend except [TS]

  it's not cause $300 to you know i bought [TS]

  my tickets with miles and will rule look [TS]

  at you mr medallion i know c and then [TS]

  high and then i read in the car I was [TS]

  200 bucks who I throw a hundred dollars [TS]

  and somebody for something i don't [TS]

  remember what don't need to know [TS]

  justjust know they're gonna go I don't [TS]

  even care it's like how many how many [TS]

  dinners have I bought for Jason Finn it [TS]

  costs a hundred dollars least sales be [TS]

  going to a place Jason orders some [TS]

  Negroni you get some appetizers [TS]

  maybe a little blanched spinach it for [TS]

  the table then the thing comes as ninety [TS]

  seven dollars really fuck knows a lot [TS]

  more money than I thought it was gonna [TS]

  be [TS]

  how many Negro needs to g-get but he's [TS]

  already under the table like I guess [TS]

  this one's on me and that's that's [TS]

  that's the amount it is it's basically [TS]

  the same amount that it cost to get [TS]

  Jason fit under the table with a plate [TS]

  of blanched spinach is the cost of being [TS]

  able to fly at the drop of a hat you [TS]

  don't get rich in life by spending money [TS]

  isn't it the other way around [TS]

  huh you do get rich in life baseman oh [TS]

  this is the thing when everything goes [TS]

  well isn't it funny how rich people are [TS]

  the cheapest people in your like well [TS]

  that's spoken like a poor person [TS]

  oh no I'm saying sort of oh yeah Jason [TS]

  he's got more money than Sinatra and [TS]

  euro fine isn't growing and he's under [TS]

  the table if I see snake [TS]

  I see what you're saying uh yeah he [TS]

  Pat's he pats at his and his fleece that [TS]

  he's always wearing like that that [TS]

  mixture that have a while but even [TS]

  better Jason friend ID hi Jason and he [TS]

  still listens [TS]

  I'm sure he does he listens on his runs [TS]

  so a lot of the podcast him just sounds [TS]

  like trucks honking whoo oh I remember [TS]

  what the hundred dollars I throughout [TS]

  somebody was I got back to the car [TS]

  rental place and they were like oh [TS]

  you're two hours late dropping the car [TS]

  off its an extra day and it costs a [TS]

  hundred dollars and I was like seriously [TS]

  a hundred dollars for for being two [TS]

  hours late [TS]

  uh-huh and they're like this right here [TS]

  the contracts and it's like I don't read [TS]

  your stinking contracts and I stood [TS]

  there and I was like okay I can get all [TS]

  heated up about this are you mad [TS]

  he's dealing to just peel pull off a [TS]

  couple the cenotes and walk away [TS]

  yeah I was like I i used to demand [TS]

  satisfaction in a situation like this [TS]

  sure did but now the satisfaction comes [TS]

  from from flipping another hundred [TS]

  through the window of her and being like [TS]

  this problem is gone it cost one hundred [TS]

  dollars and i'm not talking about a [TS]

  hundred value they're going to be people [TS]

  listening to this podcast they're like [TS]

  well it's nice if you can afford 305 [TS]

  John Roderick that's right but the [TS]

  problem is that everybody's budgeting to [TS]

  do things and they're the end and these [TS]

  hundred-dollar bills they're spending [TS]

  them to their [TS]

  just in different categories they don't [TS]

  see it as peel-off honored throw it [TS]

  throw it out of thing the problem is [TS]

  solved [TS]

  they're like well then there's a hundred [TS]

  dollars budget for this and for that and [TS]

  for this and for that it's like if you [TS]

  buy this ticket six months ahead of time [TS]

  they're not any cheaper it doesn't give [TS]

  you any relief from anxiety to have all [TS]

  that stuff in a folder sitting on the [TS]

  sitting on your desk this is my trip six [TS]

  months from now and I've got it all [TS]

  squared away at least for me it doesn't [TS]

  it's cheaper to just to just spend a [TS]

  hundred dollars in in terms of like [TS]

  right let me through this [TS]

  let me make it through this little [TS]

  portal let me through your spider web [TS]

  huh tsa PreCheck [TS]

  yeah just get er done get er done get er [TS]

  done [TS]

  ya like that how we went to Disneyland [TS]

  as i mentioned off-air we went to [TS]

  Disneyland a few weeks ago for the first [TS]

  time and I I felt something similar [TS]

  where I had I had basically said that in [TS]

  order to have this trip and for me to [TS]

  not be stressful this is actually [TS]

  something I've learned from our friend [TS]

  John siracusa which is like be a [TS]

  rational person all the time and here's [TS]

  your rationality when it's time to go on [TS]

  vacation [TS]

  be prepared and plan for everything to [TS]

  cost way more than you expected like [TS]

  build that into the budget don't take [TS]

  the trip until you know you can spend [TS]

  way more than you think you should [TS]

  because even if you don't just buy a [TS]

  bunch of shit [TS]

  still you're still gonna have the [TS]

  hundred-dollar problem everywhere you go [TS]

  as in your parlance and we had a [TS]

  wonderful trip partly because i just got [TS]

  you sleep well that meal costs a hundred [TS]

  dollars shit like she just had macaroni [TS]

  again and somehow we spend a hundred [TS]

  dollars i'm not sure how that happened [TS]

  yet because it was 18 $18 macaroni [TS]

  because it had two bacon bits on [TS]

  oh yeah well I'm and i think i think [TS]

  part of it for me is that I'm just [TS]

  budgeting my money toward living this [TS]

  life rather than budgeting money toward [TS]

  living a different life [TS]

  well you need to get one of those jobs [TS]

  we circle back with people about how the [TS]

  forms are going I can't stop I can't say [TS]

  but I can't stop thinking about that [TS]

  look at your job you make money in your [TS]

  job god bless you god bless you you make [TS]

  money in your job when I'm not doing [TS]

  mine [TS]

  yeah yeah it's just it's vexing me I [TS]

  don't take you off your peggy sue or [TS]

  your body cam but my goodness that [TS]

  frustrates me when you see them all the [TS]

  time you see him walking around with [TS]

  their jobs now making money doing [TS]

  nothing and its really changed a lot of [TS]

  what I do because you know this could be [TS]

  a personality fall where I just don't [TS]

  have I don't have the patience to in the [TS]

  worst-case have a series of phone calls [TS]

  with different people for six months [TS]

  about whether something will happen [TS]

  oh and then you go through what I [TS]

  learned was eventually called the [TS]

  engagement process which is where we [TS]

  figure out if the thing we definitely [TS]

  took six months decided we definitely [TS]

  want to do with you whether that money [TS]

  exists and who could potentially pay for [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah we spent that entire amount of [TS]

  money months ago on the amount of time [TS]

  you guys were in meetings about whether [TS]

  you wanted to do this [TS]

  that's when you're when you're a loser [TS]

  like us he's never gonna retire that's [TS]

  the way you think but they're on a [TS]

  different level you know when when i [TS]

  when i did this this little television [TS]

  talk show thing that I ever tell you [TS]

  about the the i was i arrived for [TS]

  wardrobe [TS]

  oh yeah you took much in Turner yeah [TS]

  they were fitting me having a wardrobe [TS]

  and somebody came out and they were i [TS]

  was interacting with about five people [TS]

  at this point the producer the writer [TS]

  the producer's assistant [TS]

  uh-huh the representative from the [TS]

  agency the representative from the other [TS]

  agency and some nothing much for ya [TS]

  someone came out and said well they're [TS]

  all having a meeting right here right [TS]

  next to where we are and they really [TS]

  liked to me there and I think that in a [TS]

  minute [TS]

  they're going to be ready for you uh-huh [TS]

  and I had other stuff to do the wardrobe [TS]

  person was putting shoes on me and I was [TS]

  like all right and when they're ready to [TS]

  talk to me i guess i'm here already and [TS]

  i'm not being paid for this day right [TS]

  there was they think this is pro bono [TS]

  out of your like hell parts in the city [TS]

  work [TS]

  yeah and but they contracted me for two [TS]

  days worth of work [TS]

  and then they said but there's going to [TS]

  be a fitting day i'm alright alright [TS]

  hitting day they're not paying me for [TS]

  the fitting that's just you know that's [TS]

  presumed so there's some money in it but [TS]

  it's very circumscribed like was making [TS]

  money for for day 2 and a 3 but there's [TS]

  no okay [TS]

  icic day one this is the fitting day and [TS]

  i'm not getting paid for this and that [TS]

  was fine i was like sure I'll go fitting [TS]

  day but then they're like okay we're [TS]

  there [TS]

  they're about ready to meet you and the [TS]

  person that said that walked away went [TS]

  through a door somebody else came out [TS]

  hi nice to meet you I'm the person [TS]

  that's doing this they're gonna be there [TS]

  they are about ready to meet you and [TS]

  then that person walked away I went [TS]

  through a different door I got shoes put [TS]

  on me and that I put on me and I was [TS]

  like I'm having a fine time somebody [TS]

  came and asked me if i wanted to rap and [TS]

  i said i have a wrap [TS]

  oh well you know rap checkout sure it's [TS]

  like it's like a breeder sandwich [TS]

  sure give me a chicken wrap this [TS]

  wonderful thank you and then they [TS]

  realized that there was just a tray of [TS]

  wraps in the kitchen that hadn't been [TS]

  eaten by by the day I was like I'll take [TS]

  one of your old raps so maybe even [TS]

  sitting there with new shoes on even an [TS]

  old rap and finally somebody comes out [TS]

  and says um it's gonna be a minute [TS]

  they're not sure if they you know [TS]

  they're not sure if they're ready to see [TS]

  you yet [TS]

  so what I'm sorry I'm already losing the [TS]

  thread here who are they and why do they [TS]

  need to talk to you [TS]

  I had no idea either but it's but the [TS]

  implication is or what you inferred is [TS]

  that these are some kind of big [TS]

  stakeholders in whoever's behind the [TS]

  scenes behind the scenes and it's gonna [TS]

  be like kind of a meet-and-greet and [TS]

  maybe a little bit of like here's the [TS]

  here's the reason for the season [TS]

  yeah exactly alright my assumption you [TS]

  know all these situations is look I'm [TS]

  the talent I'm the one they want to meet [TS]

  I don't care who they are they could be [TS]

  President the goddamn world it can be [TS]

  sergey brin sitting on a magic carpet [TS]

  sitting indian-style on a floating magic [TS]

  carpet [TS]

  he's gonna want to meet me because I'm [TS]

  the talent sure [TS]

  criss-cross applesauce preeminent so I'm [TS]

  out there and I'm like hey I'm not [TS]

  getting paid for today already [TS]

  whoever's timeline we're working on is [TS]

  fine with me part of my brand is that I [TS]

  don't give a fuck i got a used wrap here [TS]

  apparently shoes and i'm already [TS]

  negotiating with the costume lady that [TS]

  I'm going to get to keep these shoes at [TS]

  the end of the shoot you can get your [TS]

  decision [TS]

  well so I leaned in and I go what I [TS]

  gotta do to keep these shoes huh [TS]

  she's like well i got this budget i got [TS]

  this in that i did about 10 [TS]

  I don't know about that's gonna be tough [TS]

  and I'm like him but I'm gonna keep [TS]

  these shoes right she's like well I can [TS]

  talk to the guy can't do this happened [TS]

  and then there are you doing a little [TS]

  bit of a Jedi mind trick on her [TS]

  well see the thing is I know that's not [TS]

  her decision I don't want to put her in [TS]

  a in an awkward position [TS]

  I'm just sowing the seeds so the first [TS]

  person I've talked to already thinks [TS]

  that I'm going to keep the shoes [TS]

  eventually what happens is the person I [TS]

  figure out who the person in charge of [TS]

  that process is later on in the [TS]

  production a day and a half later and [TS]

  I'm like I love these shoes how about me [TS]

  keep these shoes and that person by that [TS]

  point in time is so focused on keeping [TS]

  me happy mood because they've been [TS]

  bringing me waters the whole time even [TS]

  though [TS]

  hello there pay grade they're doing it [TS]

  because I'm the talent developed a [TS]

  relationship they got some skin in the [TS]

  game and then that person makes the [TS]

  decision like this what you want the [TS]

  shoes all ya done and the and the [TS]

  Wardrobe lady standing there and the [TS]

  production people are all standing [TS]

  around and they heard the person say it [TS]

  and then I just walk out issues I don't [TS]

  there's no storm to sign at that point [TS]

  who was the person already the the [TS]

  person who's bringing me the water so [TS]

  said so anyway so I'm sitting in this [TS]

  room and finally someone comes out and [TS]

  says they're ready to see you like I'm [TS]

  ready to see them and it was ostensibly [TS]

  that i was going to come in and show [TS]

  them the costume and they were going to [TS]

  decide that the suit was right huh [TS]

  right so all right I'm realizing like oh [TS]

  this is a this is a situation where they [TS]

  want to meet me and they want to be [TS]

  entertained by me but but they justified [TS]

  it as that i'm walking in there like a [TS]

  like a monkey talent from mannequin to [TS]

  show them my clothes [TS]

  well that seems like a status move a [TS]

  little bit deputy 50 people and so I [TS]

  walk in and you will not believe it a [TS]

  u-shaped table there's 20 people so for [TS]

  goodness sake when the people i walk in [TS]

  i am I like am taken aback [TS]

  holy shit this is a big meeting room and [TS]

  there's 20 people in here there's [TS]

  there's the row of stakeholders in the [TS]

  chairs around the you and then there's a [TS]

  then there's the back row of chairs of [TS]

  their assistance or somebody I don't [TS]

  know people with people that are [TS]

  actually holding pieces of paper that's [TS]

  what all those people do well there's [TS]

  the agency personnel sure you get there [TS]

  is a person from the other agency yes [TS]

  there's the person from move the client [TS]

  there's client-side person there's the [TS]

  other there's a person from the other [TS]

  client there's the people that were [TS]

  contracted there's the boss there's the [TS]

  boss lady who's above the boss sure [TS]

  right there anything else in charge and [TS]

  the thing is everybody in this room is [TS]

  in charge right all the people that [TS]

  aren't charger outside the room running [TS]

  around telling me when things are going [TS]

  to happen and so you know of course I [TS]

  walk in and I go hey hey it's dave [TS]

  Roderick area you want to see my costume [TS]

  let me turn around us do these pants [TS]

  look good on my house and everybody is [TS]

  immediately disarmed and charm because [TS]

  the talent is fun and then i say i'm [TS]

  keeping the shoes [TS]

  keeping the shoes [TS]

  and every single one of the 20 people [TS]

  they go around the table and everybody's [TS]

  got something to say [TS]

  mm there's a person from California that [TS]

  has very very casual hair you know [TS]

  somebody that used to work at geffen [TS]

  who's not wearing socks and then there's [TS]

  the person that this very you know like [TS]

  high and tight haircut who came from New [TS]

  York every single one of those has this [TS]

  as some kind of say in the decision and [TS]

  as I'm standing there in front of them [TS]

  doing this little dance not getting paid [TS]

  for today because it's fitting day I [TS]

  look around the room like me the the top [TS]

  person in this room is probably making [TS]

  seven hundred thousand dollars here [TS]

  yeah the bottom person in this room is [TS]

  making 220,000 dollars a year and i'm [TS]

  not getting seven hundred fifty dollars [TS]

  for today because it's fitting well okay [TS]

  and like here's the thing from from me [TS]

  being a karma suck you know being the [TS]

  holden caulfield of the operation if [TS]

  somebody said to me hey what if we paid [TS]

  you whatever your dingaling rate is to [TS]

  come and be fitted with clothes for a [TS]

  day and then be inspected by a crew of [TS]

  people at our leisure and to give you [TS]

  notes if somebody gave me that as the [TS]

  entire proposition i would say fuck no [TS]

  let alone will you then go do a talk [TS]

  show on the back of a truck [TS]

  I'm just here to say like when you look [TS]

  at it from that point of view no you [TS]

  couldn't pay me to do that that's [TS]

  ridiculous [TS]

  mm so but all this is just a little bit [TS]

  of a little bit of extra sky like saying [TS]

  like hey we're gonna pay you to come [TS]

  over repeated to come to our house and [TS]

  watch the price is right [TS]

  oh but also there's a day where you are [TS]

  paint the exterior of our house but we [TS]

  figured you know I figured you know [TS]

  that's pretty standard in the industry [TS]

  but wasn't sure about that exterior [TS]

  house painting stuff [TS]

  well and that's that's why in those [TS]

  situations I'm like I i feel i feel no [TS]

  shame about taking these shoes [TS]

  not at all I feel no shame about [TS]

  about asserting the fact that even [TS]

  though everybody in this room has a 401k [TS]

  everyone in this room is going to retire [TS]

  one day [TS]

  yeah I walk in and say look at my ass [TS]

  you dummies are they gonna do replace [TS]

  you [TS]

  yeah exactly i'm the talent you're like [TS]

  Greg Brady you fit the shoes [TS]

  yeah how do you like me like that may [TS]

  like me now what if i pulled his pants [TS]

  up really high is that funny that you [TS]

  really interesting point here is my ass [TS]

  my cloud you any questions i make you [TS]

  laugh a little more ass [TS]

  I'm keeping these fucking shoes and they [TS]

  can't do anything all weekend warriors [TS]

  left one of the what are they gonna do [TS]

  stay tone it down [TS]

  fuck you look at my ass again because i [TS]

  went to high school with these same [TS]

  people she just be sure did [TS]

  yeah you're gonna sue that's right I'm [TS]

  the piggy soon this story i'm scared to [TS]

  go back to my reunion because i just got [TS]

  divorced my husband 35 years [TS]

  yeah it's my 25th reunion Greg and I [TS]

  don't really talk much anymore [TS]

  oh it's complicated I told he cried i [TS]

  went to a Denny's the couple years ago [TS]

  and the server came over and he was what [TS]

  he was wearing up a and is recognized [TS]

  that the server was about my age and I [TS]

  looked at his name tag and it said [TS]

  dennys employees since 1986 I was like [TS]

  that's the year I graduated from high [TS]

  school [TS]

  oh shit that's the year he graduated [TS]

  from high school [TS]

  absolutely and i ordered a pancake who [TS]

  and I had a real moment [TS]

  uh-huh of feeling like all but all that [TS]

  time that I felt like I was just [TS]

  throwing time down a down a turlet sure [TS]

  well there's another there's an [TS]

  alternate universe black mirror version [TS]

  of this where what if we lived in a [TS]

  world where each of us had to wear a [TS]

  nametag about the thing we mostly done [TS]

  since high school [TS]

  in that case is pretty simple it might [TS]

  actually seemed pretty honorable yeah I [TS]

  have worked at this location since then [TS]

  yeah somehow managing to fuck it up [TS]

  since 1986 and what would your nametag [TS]

  say that [TS]

  that's pretty much it might be it might [TS]

  be a GF yeah i mean will be something [TS]

  along the lines of you know snatching [TS]

  defeat from the jaws of victory since [TS]

  1980 Maddox not working up to his [TS]

  potential since 1986 yeah 3/5 that's [TS]

  interesting so you you were young for [TS]

  your grade I was old for mine and we [TS]

  graduated your part that's interesting [TS]

  question 8585 I always thought if I was [TS]

  a good year all those terrible year we [TS]

  were bribing the bottom of the barrel [TS]

  for every part of my generation also our [TS]

  school colors were green and yellow and [TS]

  not a nice green or a nice yellow I [TS]

  always thought green and yellow was like [TS]

  if a high school had green yellow [TS]

  it was by that point in time all the [TS]

  other color schemes had been taken by [TS]

  better high schools and somebody was [TS]

  just looking at a pallet wheel now it's [TS]

  like they found it's like from [TS]

  lost-and-found hoop it's green and [TS]

  yellow and it was like a kind of like a [TS]

  sickly yellow looks like you got some [TS]

  kind of like a like a liver problem [TS]

  yellow yeah I think that's what this one [TS]

  before but one tenth grade they made [TS]

  painters hats for school spirit and sold [TS]

  them and they misspelled the name of the [TS]

  mascots on the back so you know 670 [TS]

  people had six sure had had painters has [TS]

  said that boosting years on it [TS]

  a1c boutonnieres [TS]

  hey where the marker tears at the booth [TS]

  and here's hit its but at least where [TS]

  you were going to school there were [TS]

  historical boutonnieres [TS]

  no I think they just call it that [TS]

  because of the the football team I don't [TS]

  know that's you know what that's a [TS]

  really good point is the football team [TS]

  from tamp nah i think came around in [TS]

  this state seventies to Bruce appearance [TS]

  attempt to boost in years and I think my [TS]

  high school predated that so i don't [TS]

  know if they did a pivot to become busan [TS]

  years they might they might have been [TS]

  the you know the new jersey retirees [TS]

  until then I'm not sure something more [TS]

  appropriate for the setting in anchorage [TS]

  in the seventies I was a little league [TS]

  baseball team that was called the Padres [TS]

  the other the pot LOL i'm for service [TS]

  I thought that was the star wars [TS]

  reference yeah yeah okay likelike the [TS]

  San Diego's san diego padres and which [TS]

  in san diego [TS]

  makes sense because your father [TS]

  admissions and stuff that's right [TS]

  there's some historical Padre [TS]

  yeah but there are no Padres and [TS]

  anything we haven't fucking busan years [TS]

  in new port richey at felt I felt very [TS]

  much like i was very confused because we [TS]

  also kept the colors of the Padres which [TS]

  was that shameful southwestern all and [TS]

  brown goo & you not good in the Astros I [TS]

  think seventies throwback Houston Astros [TS]

  colors would look really cool you just [TS]

  could have been the Astros that would've [TS]

  been cool well but there's no like the [TS]

  houston astros where the Astros because [TS]

  Astro is short for astro not as a space [TS]

  and Houston is space town USA but the [TS]

  Anchorage team should have been either [TS]

  the east high oil profit ears or the [TS]

  East I genocide assists last nice you [TS]

  know the East time I I do you can get [TS]

  one of those names like you know [TS]

  Stanford's team is the Cardinal they [TS]

  have one of those cool like plural names [TS]

  you could have been the East High [TS]

  awkward silence you start sounds that [TS]

  sounds like dr. google it [TS]

  the east by assimilation uh huh the East [TS]

  I a chevy short beds em shorts because [TS]

  it was the early eighties sure and what [TS]

  you wanna know what we would've been the [TS]

  chevy stepside the stepside the stepside [TS]

  sounds a little fancy you had top hats [TS]

  right the step sides that sounds like a [TS]

  game for the Warriors a little bit [TS]

  Yeah Yeah right the step size they were [TS]

  baseball shirts and top hats and their [TS]

  weapon of choice is the feathered [TS]

  outside come out and discuss the [TS]

  property lines general special treasures [TS]

  your feather duster and then they put it [TS]

  right in your face [TS]

  they're like how am I going on in your [TS]

  life she kicked in the balls [TS]

  that's got kind of asynchronous gang [TS]

  warfare [TS]

  yeah yeah that's right why I was [TS]

  thinking about this the other day what [TS]

  happened to the stepside pickup stepside [TS]

  pickup [TS]

  mmm those big ones gotta step [TS]

  well you know it's like the one where [TS]

  the wheel wells in the back stick out [TS]

  because the bed itself is made smaller [TS]

  right like a like Google stepside pickup [TS]

  huh you're gonna see that is the classic [TS]

  pickup look well because the thing about [TS]

  clearance is you can strain by axles the [TS]

  only way to get your axle is it said [TS]

  that that's the guns and roses story [TS]

  that that's good that you're done you're [TS]

  done that got heal [TS]