Roderick on the Line

Ep. 218: "The Valve"


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  [Music] [TS]

  boy not John I'm Merlin that's it going [TS]

  up [TS]

  good four times jar times just what oh [TS]

  my god now what would cost at that time [TS]

  well see here's the thing huh think [TS]

  about the internet yeah the way it's [TS]

  provided to you don't know what it's [TS]

  like other countries but i don't know i [TS]

  don't know what it's like but here in [TS]

  America is provided to you by a company [TS]

  right yeah even though the Internet [TS]

  itself exists in a sphere em right it's [TS]

  a series of tubes under the Rocky [TS]

  Mountains in salt lake city in an old [TS]

  salt mine owned by just is that what is [TS]

  that what the internet mostly is it has [TS]

  tendrils that come out via via tubes and [TS]

  orbs but he largely located in Colorado [TS]

  that's my sense of it between salt lake [TS]

  in Colorado there's a giant tunnel that [TS]

  used to be a salt mine who that now has [TS]

  a biohazard billboard outside of it [TS]

  ok so that's smart yeah so that future [TS]

  generations when they don't speak eight [TS]

  languages anymore and they're just [TS]

  wandering the desert post-apocalypse and [TS]

  here be dragons right exactly they see [TS]

  the pointy biohazard sign they know that [TS]

  either there's a giant metal concert [TS]

  happening there but with insects or [TS]

  that's where the internet lived and [TS]

  don't mess with it [TS]

  oh my gosh finally found a way to [TS]

  contain it yeah right but the tubes the [TS]

  tendrils let's call them 10 tendrils him [TS]

  the tendrils come out and then at some [TS]

  point there is coitus interruptus [TS]

  between the tendrils and me and in [TS]

  between there is a portal [TS]

  let's call it a let's call it a valve ok [TS]

  I should be writing all this down you [TS]

  got you got you got the cold storage [TS]

  when the spiky signs that's that's where [TS]

  they mainly keep the internet and into a [TS]

  series of two orbs tendrils and portals [TS]

  there are various methods by which the [TS]

  internet does or does not get to John [TS]

  Roderick right and the valves are [TS]

  controlled by [TS]

  I companies all the valves ok right in [TS]

  my case at my office [TS]

  the valve is controlled by a company [TS]

  called wave John did you have many many [TS]

  options for your internet provider your [TS]

  office at my office wave company has the [TS]

  exclusive rights to provide internet and [TS]

  that right was was negotiated i think at [TS]

  a level above above my access right I [TS]

  didn't I wasn't included in that [TS]

  discussion so i can only use the [TS]

  internet provided by wave and wave is [TS]

  very inconsistent sometimes the valve [TS]

  slams shut and then I am I you know I am [TS]

  in a situation where I have to take out [TS]

  my Big Chief notebook and write down [TS]

  some very very angry letters to various [TS]

  mixes the thesis will turrets and and [TS]

  those times you fear that your valve me [TS]

  a permanently sealed permanently sealed [TS]

  and so I i call the customer service and [TS]

  I i talked to a nice man at a certain [TS]

  point I yelled at him at a certain point [TS]

  he reverted to as we've talked about [TS]

  before customer service formality [TS]

  weekend nice he did he said sir Sir [TS]

  and then he said well sir before you [TS]

  swore at me when in fact all I had said [TS]

  was bullshit who isn't swearing i think [TS]

  in the in the realm of customer service [TS]

  i'm not like sonographer but I think in [TS]

  the realm of customer service that's [TS]

  just a response like did you try [TS]

  plugging it in ya boldly valid response [TS]

  totally valid and I got a time he asked [TS]

  me seriously if I had unplugged and [TS]

  replugged in my modem three times and uh [TS]

  that one point he said something i don't [TS]

  remember what it was and I said bullshit [TS]

  and he said well sir before he swore at [TS]

  me i was about to tell you some i was [TS]

  about to tell you to unplug your modem [TS]

  and I was like um [TS]

  I got so anyway here I am broadcasting [TS]

  from a separate location where the tubes [TS]

  are clear the valve is open for now [TS]

  valve is open the tubes are clear the [TS]

  internet is provided by a different [TS]

  company this this internet this comcast [TS]

  internet huh [TS]

  another internet provider that is some [TS]

  kind of oligarchy oligopoly mm and they [TS]

  don't they don't care about me right [TS]

  I've been on the phone with them too [TS]

  they don't care about me I might have [TS]

  even said bullshit to them oh and what I [TS]

  want is unfettered unrestricted access [TS]

  to the to the tubes [TS]

  I want to control my own valve yeah and [TS]

  I don't you tell me Merlin what what [TS]

  about net neutrality no can literally [TS]

  begging to get me started on this but [TS]

  now you have and here's the thing about [TS]

  the valves and cubes and the orbs in the [TS]

  tendrils and yes about the cold storage [TS]

  by this bike you sign in Colorado and by [TS]

  the way it's pronounced colorado i found [TS]

  out Cole arado Colorado and Nevada [TS]

  oh and how ru pronouncing well used to [TS]

  say Nevada and Colorado and apparently [TS]

  that's not correct i found a a web page [TS]

  that tells you how to pronounce states [TS]

  Colorado and use and now you're saying [TS]

  it's colorado state colorado but here's [TS]

  the here's the thing and this is this is [TS]

  I think the vexing part about so much of [TS]

  the technology stuff is it seems like it [TS]

  either works [TS]

  ninety percent well or it doesn't work [TS]

  at all me when it doesn't work at all [TS]

  there's not much recourse except yelling [TS]

  bullshit at somebody you don't know [TS]

  there's not much you can do and I was [TS]

  trying to and so just in terms of a [TS]

  little bit of inside baseball [TS]

  this is our third well counting today's [TS]

  failures of 4th 4th attempt to record [TS]

  the show last week and a half because of [TS]

  your wave problem and the inherent valve [TS]

  issues and you don't have control the [TS]

  valve right so we have some abortive [TS]

  attempts to do this and I was trying to [TS]

  help you troubleshoot because the error [TS]

  message you were getting i used i use [TS]

  the googles and i found out that's for [TS]

  your router yeah router was throwing [TS]

  that message so i was trying to help you [TS]

  log into that to see if maybe needed to [TS]

  be rebooted I here's to us here's the [TS]

  thing so now now wave people now I just [TS]

  interrupt the ways people have the [TS]

  capacity to [TS]

  reboot the router via of their own valve [TS]

  a server assuming all of the tendrils [TS]

  are intact they should be able to say [TS]

  there is a router here there's a modem [TS]

  here and i should be able to see if [TS]

  that's working so here's what happened [TS]

  here is where the mystery deepens they [TS]

  were able to see the router and it [TS]

  doesn't make you feel better and they [TS]

  said seems fine [TS]

  looks like from here works for me looks [TS]

  fine from here and I said that's why [TS]

  they were like trying to unplug it and I [TS]

  said listen to me i have been you know [TS]

  this isn't my first rodeo which is a [TS]

  good phrase I don't usually use it [TS]

  because it's kind of trite this isn't my [TS]

  first rodeo [TS]

  no I i was driving in a town called [TS]

  mcminnville oregon the other day and a [TS]

  guy in the high country that's right and [TS]

  I was I was parallel parking and a guy [TS]

  in a very big dodge ram truck pulled up [TS]

  right behind me and I had my blinker on [TS]

  my reverse lights on and I proceeded to [TS]

  back up in order to get to my to my [TS]

  parking spot at which point he hawked [TS]

  his giant horn and so I leaned out the [TS]

  window and I said I'm parallel parking [TS]

  here you know in a kind i didn't use a [TS]

  Brooklyn accent but like parallel [TS]

  parking here you know what that's from [TS]

  we get a little rats ERISA that's right [TS]

  and he leans out his window and he says [TS]

  that movie is overrated [TS]

  no he's going anywhere baseball cap knee [TS]

  has a moustache and his wife is in the [TS]

  truck and he says you ran that stop sign [TS]

  and everything through referring to a [TS]

  prior stop sign which I had made a free [TS]

  right turn ass which is legal in the [TS]

  northwest and maybe I didn't come to a [TS]

  complete stop [TS]

  yeah I slowed and then made a free right [TS]

  right you were respectful he said you [TS]

  ran that stop sign and everything and [TS]

  everything and that's and that's why the [TS]

  horn [TS]

  that's why though he came up behind me [TS]

  didn't want to give me an inch to [TS]

  parallel park because i had run that [TS]

  stops oh it's time for some friends but [TS]

  yes that's right and everything [TS]

  and so I thought at that moment to yell [TS]

  is this your first rodeo cowboy which i [TS]

  thought would be a good burn but then I [TS]

  thought that's a that's too on-the-nose [TS]

  if they were there were three lines from [TS]

  a screenplay it would never pass muster [TS]

  though because it's not it's such an odd [TS]

  exchange yeah and so what I said I [TS]

  because I because this is the problem [TS]

  right if you if you edit yourself in the [TS]

  moment [TS]

  sometimes you do it you sometimes it [TS]

  works but a lot of times you get in [TS]

  front of yourself right and so I should [TS]

  have said is this your first rodeo [TS]

  cowboy [TS]

  mhm oh that would have been devastated [TS]

  but instead i said is this your first [TS]

  day I got halfway in and I was like [TS]

  don't think I don't see rodeo is this [TS]

  your first day that sounds like this is [TS]

  has been translated from maybe polish [TS]

  this your first day of sand and [TS]

  everything is this your first day and so [TS]

  of course he like big diesel like a [TS]

  take-off around me on his way that's the [TS]

  other side of mcminnville like to the [TS]

  feed and seed store because it might [TS]

  have been his first day [TS]

  oh you let you might have triggered him [TS]

  a little bit [TS]

  well but then i sat in my car and I was [TS]

  like God is this your first day [TS]

  nobody's gonna be like sick burn all the [TS]

  other people walk all by all that like [TS]

  hippie mom's walking the streets in [TS]

  mcminnville are going to be like is this [TS]

  your first day they're gonna they're [TS]

  gonna walk home they're going to be [TS]

  thinking about that was that a burner [TS]

  what to so anyway you were about to go [TS]

  on a rant about about Internet portals [TS]

  yeah yeah yeah just sit down [TS]

  I know what you mean about the valves [TS]

  though because I get this i M gonna say [TS]

  something shocking here i'm i'm not a [TS]

  huge fan of cable town the company but [TS]

  but the comcast service has been fast [TS]

  and solid for me mostly for the past few [TS]

  years with some crazy exceptions [TS]

  and you know that the thing is that in [TS]

  order to have the technology that we [TS]

  have there are so many layers of [TS]

  abstraction to make us not have to see [TS]

  the bits and bytes and that benefits us [TS]

  a lot of the time when it works [TS]

  extremely well you don't even think [TS]

  about the bits and bytes don't but they [TS]

  want something does go wrong [TS]

  there's not they don't easily expose I [TS]

  think about this all the time of my [TS]

  phone is not working on my phone of my [TS]

  messages are coming up in the wrong [TS]

  order or not at all [TS]

  there's not a button that says show me [TS]

  what's going wrong no you can do nothing [TS]

  and this is super true to the 11 million [TS]

  power with the internet because your [TS]

  internet goes out eat well unless you're [TS]

  on your phone and wireless you can't [TS]

  even go to the website and check it out [TS]

  it's the ultimate network diagnostics [TS]

  says the network is not working kind of [TS]

  radical right so I mean one handy thing [TS]

  to do is like lucky with comcast you can [TS]

  go in and if you log in with your phone [TS]

  using you know your regular old LTE [TS]

  service or whatever don't you can go in [TS]

  and see if there's any problems in your [TS]

  area but then you get these mystery [TS]

  problems this is almost on us we're like [TS]

  the KKK fairly common twice your thing [TS]

  for me with comcast is their dns servers [TS]

  go down [TS]

  oh yeah and dns is just in for people [TS]

  who care and do not service do not [TS]

  service that's right you know shirt no [TS]

  shoes right to present reserve it's [TS]

  basically the system that says that this [TS]

  IP address sequels this name and vice [TS]

  versa so the thing is though if you [TS]

  don't experience you experience that as [TS]

  websites don't come up because it's [TS]

  using the names of them usually not the [TS]

  IP addresses of those things and but how [TS]

  would a normal person ever that's me [TS]

  well how ok so I I know I know to do [TS]

  this because it took several times this [TS]

  happening to wear with you here like [TS]

  every couples few months of the dns [TS]

  servers go down so one thing you can do [TS]

  is you can go you can log into in my [TS]

  case my router is an apple router i can [TS]

  go into the apple router and i can say [TS]

  use this these different dns servers [TS]

  avoid the comcast servers [TS]

  I don't think many people are going to [TS]

  think to do that if they're if they're [TS]

  if they're Game of Thrones isn't showing [TS]

  up [TS]

  it's not necessarily going to occur to [TS]

  them to go find alternate IP addresses [TS]

  to use as dns servers i would not that [TS]

  would not occur to me and and then even [TS]

  then it doesn't always work because that [TS]

  may not be the problem you know and so [TS]

  you know it it's it's really vexing and [TS]

  you start to feel like you got more [TS]

  gallant we go to your doctor and you say [TS]

  i have threads coming out of my skin and [TS]

  here's a match box full of skin and [TS]

  mushrooms and so what we need to do to [TS]

  fix this and they go that's not a thing [TS]

  haha [TS]

  and that's how you feel when you're when [TS]

  you're talking to these folks [TS]

  yes that is how i feel and so not to [TS]

  press the bruise here but this is still [TS]

  I'm giving that you're at a third [TS]

  location that you know this is not a [TS]

  resolved issue with your wave [TS]

  no because then the person very nice man [TS]

  and we ended up being good friends you [TS]

  reconcile we did because because he went [TS]

  away to talk to somebody and put me on [TS]

  hold with some jazzy music and when he [TS]

  came back i had calmed down and he had [TS]

  calmed down and then he was trying to me [TS]

  not in a knot in his like training voice [TS]

  he's talking me into a human voice and i [TS]

  SAT and listened to his human voice and [TS]

  then i said i'd like to apologize for my [TS]

  outburst earlier good for you and he [TS]

  said thank you sir [TS]

  and then we proceeded from there in a [TS]

  very human way and at the end he said I [TS]

  understand how frustrating this is [TS]

  I would be frustrated if I were in your [TS]

  situation and I said you're going off [TS]

  script now [TS]

  yeah like I don't think it's supposed to [TS]

  say that no you're apologizing like hey [TS]

  let's keep this between us if this call [TS]

  is being recorded for quality assurance [TS]

  let's hope nobody reviews it was there [TS]

  going to see that you're being a human [TS]

  being so then he said i have the [TS]

  following because you have to be there [TS]

  for wave to come check it out so he was [TS]

  like i have the following appointment [TS]

  monday at 11am I was like too late i [TS]

  haven't I have a podcast at ten on [TS]

  Monday [TS]

  alright what about tuesday at eleven [TS]

  well that would be after the pod cat so [TS]

  that's not good what about sunday at to [TS]

  do you think I want to be at my office [TS]

  sunday at two waiting 46 hours for a way [TS]

  of guy [TS]

  yeah like sunday that's that's sunday [TS]

  funday mhm says write the name sunday [TS]

  sunday sunday [TS]

  mhm I'd be a monster truck rally yeah so [TS]

  what it ended up was [TS]

  one of the times were convenient to me [TS]

  because guess what not it's never going [TS]

  to be convenient for me to go sit in my [TS]

  office without internet for four to six [TS]

  hours waiting for your repair man it's [TS]

  like your basement is full of water and [TS]

  they want to just go sit in waist deep [TS]

  water for a couple couple 28 hours until [TS]

  they should maybe show up [TS]

  yeah go sit in the basement servers are [TS]

  we can fix that until you sit in the [TS]

  water so for me what that means is go [TS]

  sit in front of my computer from 1997 [TS]

  and go through old files and try to [TS]

  remember why i put that in the file [TS]

  well that's no good you know like some [TS]

  of them are like why did I put that in a [TS]

  fight it's weird how long we use [TS]

  computers before they were on the [TS]

  internet it's so you [TS]

  it seats six so we're okay i guess i [TS]

  look at my txt file I remember taking [TS]

  some little will you know what were the [TS]

  floppies that weren't floppy yellow gem [TS]

  like the the little ones with little [TS]

  silver sliding on ya little pop tarts [TS]

  still causing call it off because that [TS]

  sorry [TS]

  yeah but how would you distinguish that [TS]

  from like a giant 7 inch across right [TS]

  you get the big pc floppy disks with [TS]

  little record player in them and then [TS]

  you get the little ones and you get like [TS]

  what like it in the 800 k or a hundred [TS]

  full-on k right and you can put tape [TS]

  over the little notch and in and making [TS]

  bigger these to be a trick [TS]

  yeah that was a trick right because that [TS]

  you would you put them it would flip the [TS]

  switch outside double density [TS]

  double-side double densities I remember [TS]

  that that was like that was like a [TS]

  double-sided tape that 120 minute [TS]

  passive tape that's always a huge [TS]

  technology it was anyway I had a bunch [TS]

  of the little the poster sized ones [TS]

  toaster popping fresh floppy like [TS]

  pepperidge farm bread that sighs yeah [TS]

  and I took them into the stranger [TS]

  Seattle's a weekly alternative paperback [TS]

  before I was feuding with them the most [TS]

  recent time because they had some old [TS]

  Mac some-some Lisa that was that they [TS]

  actually had hooked up to their system [TS]

  where you could put in floppies [TS]

  and translate that material into a [TS]

  contemporary format so you can get like [TS]

  old like Microsoft Word files or [TS]

  whatever yeah and so I went in there and [TS]

  I had like I had 800 files where I had [TS]

  sat down after smoking a doobie and [TS]

  written some uh what we would call now a [TS]

  blog post but which at the time was a [TS]

  was a post for a zine that i had the [TS]

  idea to publish one day [TS]

  Wow which I never did publish a zine and [TS]

  all this stuff all this writing that was [TS]

  you know a time before i had never [TS]

  published anything right sit down at the [TS]

  at the typewriter or the computer later [TS]

  and say a writer writes and so I would [TS]

  write write write write and the writing [TS]

  would be garbage but i would fill the [TS]

  page with writing about my feelings or [TS]

  sore observations and I and I think via [TS]

  that process did actually develop a [TS]

  writing style and I have like hundreds [TS]

  and hundreds of these pages and I [TS]

  translated them all over into a format [TS]

  that i can now even go into my 1990a [TS]

  computer waist-deep in water who waiting [TS]

  for the internet yeah and and read some [TS]

  of these of these wonderful wonderful [TS]

  historical posts unposted posts will [TS]

  call you and and and then be unable to [TS]

  either delete them because they're part [TS]

  of the historical record or edit them [TS]

  because again that would be that's like [TS]

  going back and putting shockwaves around [TS]

  the destruction of a planet that's kinda [TS]

  like oh yeah it's time for Paul [TS]

  McCartney problem right [TS]

  yeah don't go back who you never never [TS]

  go back always go forward so yeah and so [TS]

  what are they they're just these [TS]

  albatrosses I don't want that nobody's [TS]

  ever going to read them [TS]

  I'm never going to publish a magazine [TS]

  yeah do i do I give them to my daughter [TS]

  when I die let you feel about the story [TS]

  it's kind of sad [TS]

  yeah every one of my stories of you [TS]

  pursue it long enough it turns into [TS]

  turns into another year passing where [TS]

  then death is raking up my year into a [TS]

  garbage bag that looks like a pumpkin [TS]

  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you in part by Squarespace [TS]

  the simplest way for anyone to create a [TS]

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  our thanks to squarespace for supporting [TS]

  Roderick online and all the great shows [TS]

  right consistent deaths front yard [TS]

  happy holidays it's a guy just never [TS]

  gets better does that back [TS]

  nothing ever gets better well how could [TS]

  it [TS]

  no oh nobody's working on making it [TS]

  better [TS]

  you're gonna know it's just fits all [TS]

  over again right is it you're pushing a [TS]

  modem up the modem uphill so [TS]

  sophisticated [TS]

  huh yeah i think people are trying to [TS]

  make more rather than better who don't [TS]

  you think yeah yeah do better [TS]

  yeah and just more and slightly [TS]

  different but not better [TS]

  mm you don't get better that much so [TS]

  often right [TS]

  who was the last time you upgraded or a [TS]

  yeah or updated let's say upgraded or [TS]

  updated who anything where you felt like [TS]

  that was not just knew that there was up [TS]

  there was a market improvement in what [TS]

  was already there right [TS]

  not not that often and it's usually a [TS]

  different disagree but sometimes by been [TS]

  sort of my identity the fact that the [TS]

  operating system on the phone gets [TS]

  better the people who make the apps that [TS]

  I use or sometimes able to do something [TS]

  really really quite amazing and actually [TS]

  very useful from the minute I get it [TS]

  that is one place where I do see that [TS]

  improvement now it is that something [TS]

  where having you know millions literally [TS]

  millions of apps on the App Store has [TS]

  led to like being better absolutely not [TS]

  it's a shitshow but now in regular life [TS]

  I mean our friend John Syracuse's talked [TS]

  about with toaster ovens you think about [TS]

  the toaster oven of your childhood like [TS]

  that's to me that's a pretty great [TS]

  example like the toaster oven that we [TS]

  had it was before Black & Decker later [TS]

  would be a black & decker model i think [TS]

  there was this [TS]

  toaster oven that everybody had in 1978 [TS]

  i remember it was flawless [TS]

  I mean not flawless but they still work [TS]

  now if you find one of the thrift store [TS]

  plugin oh there's so many grandmas and [TS]

  grandpas still have this thing and it [TS]

  works great it does what it needs to do [TS]

  it makes toast fast independently it has [TS]

  an analog dial that lets you choose [TS]

  exactly how dark you wanted to be and [TS]

  you can also make a stop first meal in [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah stouffer's and like you know so I [TS]

  mean yeah whatever old man talk but you [TS]

  know instead now you go to walgreens and [TS]

  you get a toast for nineteen dollars [TS]

  that suggests it's a piece of shit [TS]

  yeah so i don't know i mean it will not [TS]

  can we just say knob know what I can't [TS]

  we have more knobs not such a good idea [TS]

  I don't want a digital display I don't [TS]

  want a button I don't want to scroll [TS]

  through something give me a knob [TS]

  this is it's a great scroll you actually [TS]

  literally scroll especially like a ticky [TS]

  ticky ticky knob like a ticky ticky we [TS]

  can go like you know it three notches [TS]

  means on your old clock radio or you [TS]

  know like in your car stereo you know [TS]

  think about all acdelco were you exactly [TS]

  how to turn to get right to key 15 you [TS]

  exactly how much motion took oh yeah do [TS]

  you want to know a secret [TS]

  yes do you want to know a secret from [TS]

  that movie [TS]

  do you promise not to towels and deals [TS]

  this weekend want this in the beatles [TS]

  this weekend [TS]

  they're a good band yeah you know George [TS]

  George read some kind of kind of mean [TS]

  songs he had a little bit of Rolling [TS]

  Stones fever he was really mad women for [TS]

  a while [TS]

  well George you know like still waters [TS]

  run deep [TS]

  yeah except in the case of George the [TS]

  water fairly run from but he got way [TS]

  better even by revolver like something I [TS]

  want to tell you is is a much better [TS]

  song he's you know my favorite people [TS]

  obviously but he really yeah okay I [TS]

  don't know how I missed that [TS]

  yeah okay continue um but he he was a [TS]

  dark little dude and that's why he went [TS]

  to the to the Swami land i want to swami [TS]

  little regime a schmoo right and then [TS]

  then hare krishna who [TS]

  who which is actually hari krishna m dot [TS]

  nevada nevada nevada Harry hari uh-huh [TS]

  you wouldn't call it Harry krishna right [TS]

  Harry krishna what that's my father's [TS]

  name lookup mr. Christian but uh but [TS]

  George actually like ashes Christians [TS]

  monster haha yeah sorry [TS]

  reseƱa he changed it Ellis segment I [TS]

  officials like the like the you know [TS]

  whatever was dark and fucked up about [TS]

  lennon was right on the face of things [TS]

  whatever was dark about Paul his true [TS]

  darkness Paul's darkness i think was and [TS]

  Paul is probably the darkest man that [TS]

  ever lived but it is so very Baltimore [TS]

  think that ball if you if you took if [TS]

  you took the they live of human face [TS]

  mask off of Paul you would find a you [TS]

  would find a mini tentacled cthulhu [TS]

  really yeah [TS]

  Ringo is the only person the only beetle [TS]

  who is genuinely nice like Ringo is is [TS]

  purely a nice person i believe that but [TS]

  George there's something there's [TS]

  something darken in George that you know [TS]

  that a that he tried to solve let's call [TS]

  let's say George tried to solve his [TS]

  darkness and I and I admire him for that [TS]

  that's one of the reasons he's my [TS]

  favorite people [TS]

  he's also the smallest people know me [TS]

  Tony Ringo is taller than George well I [TS]

  don't know if he's taller than George [TS]

  but he's bigger than George huh [TS]

  right like smallness George kind of [TS]

  narrow gorge is narrow i think if you [TS]

  put them in a mass spectrometer ok [TS]

  George would have the seals and a [TS]

  spectrometer [TS]

  oh no my low but George's my face is [TS]

  that more molecular molecular weight [TS]

  Ringo does the Ringo yeah these [TS]

  molecules are bigger ok but there are a [TS]

  few songs by George that just make me as [TS]

  happy as any as any music [TS]

  and it's um I can't explain exactly why [TS]

  uh yeah i'm sorry i'm typing now that's [TS]

  fine um I can explain exactly why these [TS]

  these these George Harrison tunes made [TS]

  me happier than almost any other Beatles [TS]

  but but they did right like I want to [TS]

  tell you how to does that not make you [TS]

  happy just to think about it now but [TS]

  like sample like I like everything about [TS]

  that song [TS]

  yes it's really feel something up but he [TS]

  doesn't know why it but it's also just [TS]

  the music I'm just kind of singing in my [TS]

  head it's very angular for the time then [TS]

  and it's kinda got a weird it's got a [TS]

  weird vibe for the time [TS]

  dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb i mean that's [TS]

  that's a heavy jam it's got that cool [TS]

  bridge [TS]

  what's a boy truffle is something that [TS]

  you just go WTF that's not you nobody [TS]

  puts that on the list of best beatles [TS]

  songs but i really really like it and [TS]

  then within you without you [TS]

  that's what we're talking about the [TS]

  space to ourselves [TS]

  that's right ok George Harrison Beatles [TS]

  and uh and it is i get that solo record [TS]

  which is just like whoo right we let [TS]

  what is life [TS]

  I mean come on it's easier to make no [TS]

  sensible what if lyrics guy I'm just got [TS]

  down our narrow narrow its man that gets [TS]

  got some he's got so many killer riffs [TS]

  the horns on that like oh and I oh my [TS]

  god no no I i suggest to you this [TS]

  yeah go into the internet okay I'm going [TS]

  in now go up the go up the stream [TS]

  through the valve pass that test the [TS]

  tendrils to through a tendril all the [TS]

  way to the cave under the bridge orb [TS]

  don't don't don't listen to it right now [TS]

  because we're doing a podcast right but [TS]

  there is a there is a track on the [TS]

  Internet of clapton playing guitar on [TS]

  what his life was an isolated track [TS]

  well wait a minute he George so I love [TS]

  this because of the [TS]

  story that it suggests George had [TS]

  Clapton in his pal his wife stealer [TS]

  uh-huh and clapped and laid down a track [TS]

  on what is life that George did not use [TS]

  what is life secondly guitar [TS]

  yeah okay well and he's gotten but it's [TS]

  a rhythm it's a rhythm track so there's [TS]

  a if he plays the lead i didn't hear it [TS]

  but he does play a rhythm track that's [TS]

  very very Clapton that's all like [TS]

  chicken back toward on plant want to [TS]

  grip down in particular [TS]

  he's dead just got like he's got a whole [TS]

  part it's not just a he's not just [TS]

  laying down a strumming acoustic he's [TS]

  got like a he's doing a bit throughout [TS]

  that's Clapton II and I was like is this [TS]

  in there as I was listening to it was [TS]

  like is this in the track i can't [TS]

  believe it [TS]

  this is such a like Clapton you chicka [TS]

  chicka [TS]

  it's like a chew its not its chillin and [TS]

  I don't have that song juke remember [TS]

  chicken I remember it having of a tank [TS]

  again gonna get like a sick scored like [TS]

  a thing you know I mean that that's what [TS]

  I remember the rhythm guitar being well [TS]

  so then you go listen to the track and [TS]

  you realize George had George head a [TS]

  George Clapton come in charge captain [TS]

  and play this track and then he was like [TS]

  when they were mixing it he said it's [TS]

  not really working and he pulled it out [TS]

  because it would have totally changed [TS]

  the tune and that's a thing that George [TS]

  Harrison can do not use the clapton [TS]

  track what you're clapping came in and [TS]

  played some jubilant thing on a long [TS]

  winter song I'd feel somewhat obligated [TS]

  to have it in the track right but [TS]

  George's like now [TS]

  no that's not what that's not what i'm [TS]

  going for and I thought that was pretty [TS]

  cool like mute the clapton ok i'll check [TS]

  that out and try to see some of that [TS]

  one's here [TS]

  I think you'll like it um look at a few [TS]

  you know you do [TS]

  imagine my tell you i mean my need you [TS]

  somewhere mmm that you you know Harvey [TS]

  danger covered that too when I [TS]

  the band really there's a local band has [TS]

  a cover that too it's it's such a great [TS]

  little 3-quart pop song that is that's [TS]

  nice [TS]

  oh man did you know I don't know if I've [TS]

  ever told you this [TS]

  we did not have a toaster oven in my [TS]

  home when I was growing up he did not [TS]

  have a toaster oven in your really no [TS]

  tools no toaster oven we had a toaster [TS]

  well I know that you and your sister you [TS]

  got your mystery brother you never talk [TS]

  about but this is you and your sister [TS]

  living with your mom [TS]

  that's right no toaster no toaster oven [TS]

  was it on like ethical moral grounds why [TS]

  would you not [TS]

  and this was this was one of this is [TS]

  like not having a calculator in your [TS]

  house [TS]

  well we had calculator sure use them all [TS]

  the time she's not afraid of science and [TS]

  math know my mom's the original stem [TS]

  baller [TS]

  that's right she had we had one of the [TS]

  first chicken soup maybe 1 John my mom I [TS]

  don't think made a calculator but she [TS]

  knew how to use a graphing calculator [TS]

  Oh hot which I never figured out no [TS]

  sense but you know I could find it [TS]

  I could I could push the cosine button [TS]

  and watch what it did [TS]

  that's that's going on your CV you know [TS]

  I i spent many an afternoon pushing a [TS]

  pushing the cosine button1 roulette [TS]

  shale shale oil boobs but I but here's a [TS]

  here's the weird business is that I had [TS]

  never seen a toaster of them we just [TS]

  didn't have one it was it never came up [TS]

  my dad didn't have one either and then [TS]

  later on in life like when I went to [TS]

  college [TS]

  some kid had a toaster oven in his room [TS]

  and I was like what's this miraculous [TS]

  thing you can put a piece of pizza in [TS]

  there and it it makes it like so much [TS]

  better than microwave pete's sake [TS]

  yeah we we had we had no access to this [TS]

  technology and I think if we wanted to [TS]

  heat up a pizza we turned on the oven [TS]

  yep but we did it we were early adopters [TS]

  of microwaves [TS]

  ok so so your mom to have a microwave we [TS]

  got a microwave a fairly early in the [TS]

  consumer ionization of of a nuclear [TS]

  power to hell but the youngsters today [TS]

  the millenniums will not remember that [TS]

  we got our first 1i want to say 77 78 78 [TS]

  and better than that but but no but [TS]

  being a why because it was yeah well its [TS]

  gonna be like having hiroshima in your [TS]

  kitchen yeah you turn it on when you run [TS]

  into the other room and you tell me you [TS]

  got like nuclear technology in your oven [TS]

  you think that doors gonna protect you [TS]

  yeah well so we got ours in about [TS]

  nineteen eighty but it was the size of a [TS]

  stereo speaker and I mean the size of a [TS]

  nineteen eighty stereos because sure [TS]

  write it it had it was this if you could [TS]

  put two woofers but the usable space [TS]

  inside was still kinda surpassingly [TS]

  small there's a lot of stuff in the oven [TS]

  by 1980 they had made it so that you [TS]

  it's not like you're going to put a [TS]

  turkey in there and if you did put a [TS]

  turkey in there would either explode or [TS]

  become like it would it would have the [TS]

  consistency of flawed i tried i tried to [TS]

  cook a chicken once in college I tried [TS]

  to cook a chicken in the microwave it [TS]

  was unspeakable what to do this animal [TS]

  haha yeah what did you do well you know [TS]

  there was a time when i start to capture [TS]

  story but there's a time when you can [TS]

  get microwave because in the original [TS]

  vision of microwaves I think the [TS]

  marketing geniuses realized that the [TS]

  microwave parts or like steve jobs in [TS]

  the iphone were like we had to get want [TS]

  to give you this internet communicator [TS]

  but we had to call the phone otherwise [TS]

  you wouldn't buy and in this case this [TS]

  is a whole new technology but it also [TS]

  had to feel like a regular oven so we do [TS]

  stuff like browning you'd have like a [TS]

  little like up cover burner in there [TS]

  where you can brown things people like [TS]

  why would I because people the idea [TS]

  about microwaves was there dangerous [TS]

  than a few food toxic and it doesn't [TS]

  really cook anything except maybe [TS]

  scrambled eggs and then that's really [TS]

  gross [TS]

  that was the thought or you know bacon [TS]

  you can make bacon your microwave and by [TS]

  the way I've got a great pic and recipe [TS]

  for you but but [TS]

  so this one did not have that if it did [TS]

  happen i didn't use it i didn't really [TS]

  understand how to use a microwave and [TS]

  with everything you can imagine being [TS]

  horribly wrong about this food it just [TS]

  it made it like it was just it was kinda [TS]

  like a big pile of human skin [TS]

  yeah was it was yellow ok it was yellow [TS]

  and kind of crackly and it was very very [TS]

  unpleasant and I had to just have to [TS]

  just let go a little bit of a crack one [TS]

  road cracks so you just toss the old [TS]

  trick what do you do you know I hate [TS]

  throwing food away but you know what it [TS]

  looks like and also used to cook my [TS]

  bathroom in college [TS]

  that's a different issue the microwave [TS]

  that we had in 1980 we continue to have [TS]

  through the eighties into the nineties [TS]

  and then when I moved to Seattle I took [TS]

  said microwave did have a handling a [TS]

  chunk it had a boat went to chunk it one [TS]

  could jump like a vault door [TS]

  yeah like but like I like the deep [TS]

  freeze at a restaurant and had like a [TS]

  latch it didn't have just like a little [TS]

  door that swung open you had to go cut [TS]

  chunk no it wasn't a like industrial [TS]

  food service one it was consumed it was [TS]

  you know what had a woodgrain finish [TS]

  bright stars [TS]

  um but but I put it on top of the [TS]

  refrigerator in my apartment in in [TS]

  seattle and it was the same width as the [TS]

  refrigerator like it sat on top it's [TS]

  that proudly Wow on top of the [TS]

  refrigerator giant microwave and then [TS]

  one day I came home I opened the door [TS]

  and will open my front door and was [TS]

  greeted with a blast of hot air and I [TS]

  was like what [TS]

  hey uh huh and I could see into my [TS]

  apartment and I saw that all the windows [TS]

  were steamed and I was like what the who [TS]

  what did I leave the shower on is there [TS]

  someone and then I was for a brief [TS]

  moment I was like be is there some [TS]

  amazing woman that's come into my [TS]

  apartment is showering and when I walk [TS]

  into my place she's gonna get out of the [TS]

  shower [TS]

  she's probably in trouble and say that [TS]

  she had trouble she's place to go to get [TS]

  a quick shower [TS]

  she's either in trouble or she says in a [TS]

  Russian accent huh [TS]

  we've been watching you m or something [TS]

  many movies I've seen let me to believe [TS]

  this would be that is a fairly plausible [TS]

  explanation for why of steam in your [TS]

  house [TS]

  sure I kept I I stood there and I was [TS]

  like this is you know like I I then mind [TS]

  taking out my pistol who from inside my [TS]

  shoulder holster between my tweed jacket [TS]

  and my turtleneck [TS]

  and then I appeared into the bathroom [TS]

  thinking that there would be a lovely [TS]

  russian spy who stepped out but in fact [TS]

  there was not and then I walked into the [TS]

  kitchen and the microwave was on [TS]

  oh and had been on all day with nothing [TS]

  in it turned itself on know and I was [TS]

  like what [TS]

  oh no no no what the what yeah and I ran [TS]

  in and I pushed stop on the on the [TS]

  button and it did not stop it did not [TS]

  want to stop and so I think even in 1996 [TS]

  when this was i think i did at [TS]

  absolutely feel like maybe the entire [TS]

  apartment was full of radon and Iran [TS]

  that's like that's one of the first [TS]

  rules i mean one of one of the rules is [TS]

  don't you ever put metal in the [TS]

  microwave and the other one is you never [TS]

  have nothing in the microwave right and [TS]

  I never really got the full explanation [TS]

  about why that would be I can second [TS]

  speculate but I think radon is a very [TS]

  that's a pretty predictable outcome [TS]

  radon or a older Eaton's yeah meetin's [TS]

  huh [TS]

  so I then I ran back in unplugged it and [TS]

  then stayed out of there for the rest of [TS]

  the day came back in very suspiciously [TS]

  still no one interesting in the shower [TS]

  and I immediately said about moving out [TS]

  of this apartment and when I moved out i [TS]

  left the microwave because this was also [TS]

  the apartment this was the apartment [TS]

  where the manager said i did not make [TS]

  the rat God made the wrap and so get [TS]

  your least sir [TS]

  and so it says right there God made the [TS]

  rack it's it was a force majeure what [TS]

  ok that's God right that's not matter at [TS]

  yeah so this was the apartment that so [TS]

  here's how i left the apartment right [TS]

  under the refrigerator i took all the [TS]

  white bombs and I left the microwave [TS]

  that will ship it so II he either had a [TS]

  real mess to clean up or he just rented [TS]

  the apartment with the microwave [TS]

  I don't know if you plug it back in and [TS]

  it started running again [TS]

  like I don't know which one of the [TS]

  little the little like synapses the open [TS]

  closed doors the the on/off so the ones [TS]

  and zeros [TS]

  uh-huh I don't know which one shorted [TS]

  out so that this thing was like I'm on [TS]

  now you can't keep me off haha imagine [TS]

  you've been away for the weekend that's [TS]

  why my works is I feel like Oh imagine [TS]

  that went on for like a Liberty weekend [TS]

  you know how long how long before [TS]

  melting itself [TS]

  I mean it's steamed up the house I don't [TS]

  even know where it got all that steam [TS]

  isn't one of the rules of Robotics [TS]

  you're not allowed to hurt people [TS]

  right yeah he can't hurt other [TS]

  microwaves right don't go on by yourself [TS]

  right Stan stay on the roads down the [TS]

  Moores one of the rules of our local [TS]

  employers ya never a never initiate a [TS]

  land war in Asia brightness is she on [TS]

  sunday i don't invade Russia in the fall [TS]

  mhm up against this is necessary and get [TS]

  this online but all these things should [TS]

  have been in the microwaves prime [TS]

  directive why we're not putting out [TS]

  ebooks we can help so many people do you [TS]

  know many people have microwaves and [TS]

  don't really know all the all the laws [TS]

  and rules there are 40 Merlin Mann [TS]

  parody accounts on Twitter but there's [TS]

  no Merlin Mann ebooks [TS]

  oh yeah yeah we get the bottom does that [TS]

  I would be indistinguishable from actual [TS]

  account [TS]

  yeah I I feel the same way i don't think [TS]

  i'm on my account is where but people [TS]

  tell me it's where John syracuse I think [TS]

  my comments very weird and I don't get [TS]

  that you make references to things that [TS]

  are flying through the sky [TS]

  yeah that can all be googled well but [TS]

  there goes now and you see it and you [TS]

  refer to it but in a lot of cases no one [TS]

  else thought oh I see [TS]

  see what I mean yeah at least like two [TS]

  policemen saw they chased it over a hill [TS]

  they're not gonna talk about that like a [TS]

  pilot like a pilot less than pallets [TS]

  going to do is say oh yeah I saw new foe [TS]

  yeah you know you do that that's a quick [TS]

  trip to retirement right there I watched [TS]

  a i watched a an actual like documentary [TS]

  but like someone was filming in a [TS]

  control tower at some point in the [TS]

  nineteen seventies and there was a there [TS]

  was a new foe [TS]

  and the control guys were talking to the [TS]

  pilots and they were like three pilots [TS]

  that saw it and they all were describing [TS]

  it to each other and they were all [TS]

  talking about it and then at the end and [TS]

  then all the you know like at the end [TS]

  the air traffic controller was like do [TS]

  you want to report this [TS]

  and there was a long pause and you could [TS]

  hear the pilots go about me- i don't [TS]

  want to report it and they're there and [TS]

  it just went downstream little jiminy [TS]

  Christmas [TS]

  merrily merrily merrily who is the thing [TS]

  is we talked about this before but you [TS]

  know was it with regards to the [TS]

  anchorman UFOs you know if you're in a [TS]

  cockpit a lot forgive my french but like [TS]

  if you're in there a lot you've seen a [TS]

  lot of stuff you've identified a lot of [TS]

  stuff is this thing and not that thing [TS]

  and it seems to me if you've done that [TS]

  for even like a few years if you see [TS]

  something that doesn't seem right [TS]

  I mean you know maybe this corner cases [TS]

  but i think all weather balloon they [TS]

  know stuff like that [TS]

  yeah that sounds like a jam up to me and [TS]

  a lot of the time that you're piloting [TS]

  and looking at stuff the whole game is [TS]

  what is that and how far away is it [TS]

  right like what altitude is it what [TS]

  direction is moving [TS]

  how far away is it and what speed is it [TS]

  go except really where we can we sit on [TS]

  our back porch sometimes we like to send [TS]

  our back porch and just look at the sky [TS]

  and one of our little games is to notice [TS]

  how many things are planes because I [TS]

  guess is a flight pattern out over the [TS]

  Pacific which is what we look at from [TS]

  our back porch and there are times when [TS]

  my daughter and I will both look up and [TS]

  get those planes look way too close and [TS]

  they look like they're heading in the [TS]

  same direction obviously they must not [TS]

  be I've looked at flightaware your spend [TS]

  time on flightaware he must've huh [TS]

  it's a nice program i spent a lot of [TS]

  time looking at flight patterns but in [TS]

  this case you can now I know that's [TS]

  because I don't know how far apart those [TS]

  things actually are [TS]

  yeah they've got a pilot man I don't [TS]

  know man [TS]

  so those guys I mean you ever write you [TS]

  ever look out the window of a plane that [TS]

  you're flying in and then all of a [TS]

  sudden a plane going the other way goes [TS]

  by really fast happened to me last year [TS]

  and it scared the shit out of me [TS]

  I think there's no way this this is a [TS]

  good idea whoa there goes it's one thing [TS]

  people see a plane but to be able to [TS]

  actually interpret like see that oh I [TS]

  can see that this plane is going this [TS]

  much faster or slower than my plan is to [TS]

  god damn close [TS]

  yeah you get the with called parallax [TS]

  effect get a little bit [TS]

  parallax effect whoo-hoo but so that's [TS]

  all pilots to all day long they're like [TS]

  to do so here's the thing and then they [TS]

  call them they say I see the thing or [TS]

  the tower the tower calls them and says [TS]

  do you see that thing huh [TS]

  and you know yet said you know it's it's [TS]

  2,000 feet above me and it's moving in [TS]

  this direction like that's it that's the [TS]

  whole that's all they do [TS]

  so when they say I don't know what that [TS]

  is but that doesn't belong here a and [TS]

  here's how fast it's moving here's how [TS]

  big it is [TS]

  here's how far away it is and the tower [TS]

  goes my either see that or I don't let's [TS]

  call over to the military base and see [TS]

  what they say and the military base [TS]

  predictably says not one of ours then [TS]

  what do you do [TS]

  right then but you don't want to report [TS]

  it because then you're going to be on [TS]

  the front page of the newspaper one at [TS]

  this point it's like calling wave em we [TS]

  don't mean they're gonna return now [TS]

  they're gonna be like what looks fine [TS]

  from here that's not weird you're gonna [TS]

  say reset your router that's right just [TS]

  unplug it not into it not into george [TS]

  harrison modems you had something else [TS]

  microwaves you know what's great about [TS]

  flightaware you know these programs that [TS]

  allow you to and it might even be [TS]

  flattered that allow you to put in the [TS]

  tail numbers of aircraft Florida [TS]

  flightaware yeah yeah I or the bed at [TS]

  the registration number of a boat and [TS]

  find out who owns it and what launching [TS]

  of that that's interesting [TS]

  there's a boat 12 that will tell you [TS]

  every boat that's on the water and all [TS]

  their IDs and you can click on them and [TS]

  see it so if you're in a if you're into [TS]

  place and you see a giant yacht in your [TS]

  like what asshole owns that yeah right [TS]

  you can click it and over it is [TS]

  all-aware putting down the button over [TS]

  and then I God forgave Britt no don't [TS]

  know he's a wonderful wonderful man [TS]

  helps a lot of useful I think he's [TS]

  listening to us right now and as I is [TS]

  google glass [TS]

  hello well but the other day John [TS]

  Hodgman was somewhere probably London [TS]

  and he sent me a picture of a Learjet [TS]

  that was painted all black a flat black [TS]

  Learjet and right on the front of it was [TS]

  the old Woody Woodpecker [TS]

  like a like a like a blue with the extra [TS]

  elongated bill [TS]

  no just the other long bill right but no [TS]

  body just the head like the station the [TS]

  same tattoo that was on the guy in let's [TS]

  face and raising and john matuszak john [TS]

  matuszak why do I know that and also [TS]

  nicolas cage they had the same tattoo [TS]

  because they were what brothers who [TS]

  well now we don't know that's that [TS]

  that's one that's one of the mysteries [TS]

  of raising arizona sure what were they [TS]

  want frat brothers know we want as one [TS]

  to close of another mother brothers of [TS]

  another mother what's the story there [TS]

  boom will never see it because he's [TS]

  blown up [TS]

  spoiler alert and get em oh yeah that [TS]

  was sad [TS]

  he's I think he's one of the great [TS]

  xboxing actors [TS]

  oh he was a boxer but he was a boxer [TS]

  this before they had ultimate fighting [TS]

  especially just have boxing up [TS]

  was he a fighter by trade my geometry [TS]

  Zach yeah absolutely carry a reminder of [TS]

  every glove that laid him down or cut [TS]

  him until we cried out his anger and his [TS]

  pain [TS]

  shame shame John wait jama to know and [TS]

  that Jammeh to Zach was a football [TS]

  player who might think enough [TS]

  Ray's got great i had no ready ready [TS]

  rent ex-cop Randall Texcoco even had [TS]

  heard that name because I probably [TS]

  google in one time because i thought it [TS]

  was fascinating six-foot-three born 1950 [TS]

  he did boxing and karate a you know I'm [TS]

  six-foot-three know he seems bigger than [TS]

  me he isn't it funny how that works [TS]

  isn't forced perspective thing John [TS]

  well I think it's because a lot of [TS]

  Hollywood actors are small in stature [TS]

  how tall is Nicolas Cage I bet they say [TS]

  he's five-ten what they say six six foot [TS]

  tall but he's really 59 [TS]

  okay i'm gonna say Nicholas Cage is 61 [TS]

  Nicolas Cage you know you really fast [TS]

  now I'm going now Nicholas Cage is [TS]

  related to engage feet [TS]

  Nicolas Cage Nicholas Cage's 660 [TS]

  according to the ASC that means 5 9 12 [TS]

  inches taller than Tom Cruise turns out [TS]

  yeah he's not he's not at all John [TS]

  Travolta 62 [TS]

  no yeah seems like a stretch well Leumi [TS]

  less alone 5 10 [TS]

  please please no chance everything I [TS]

  think he's little and then somebody I [TS]

  somebody I know a just published a photo [TS]

  of themselves on their zine and they [TS]

  were standing next to sylvester stallone [TS]

  and he was the size of a wastepaper [TS]

  basket this November we head to the [TS]

  polls and select the 45th President of [TS]

  the United States of America but today [TS]

  cards against humanity is asking you to [TS]

  vote with your dollar for the candidate [TS]

  that you support [TS]

  the Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton [TS]

  is a graduate of Yale Law School who has [TS]

  served our country as secretary of state [TS]

  senator from New York and First Lady of [TS]

  the United States in her decades of [TS]

  public service [TS]

  she has tirelessly advocated for women's [TS]

  rights campaign finance reform and [TS]

  access to healthcare [TS]

  the Republican candidate Donald Trump [TS]

  will make America great again he is a [TS]

  powerful CEO who wears three suits at [TS]

  once all across America buildings scream [TS]

  his name Trump Trump he always knows [TS]

  what time it is [TS]

  Donald Trump is a huge man who lives in [TS]

  a golf course at the end of this [TS]

  promotion cards against humanity will [TS]

  tally up the sales of both packs and [TS]

  depending on which pack gets more [TS]

  support we will donate all the money in [TS]

  support of Hillary Clinton [TS]

  exercise your sacred franchise at [TS] with cards against [TS]

  humanity dot-com [TS]

  he was what I think an office an office [TS]

  wastepaper basket [TS]

  yeah his nose was wider than he was tall [TS]

  out here anyway Hodgman sent me this [TS]

  picture of this airplane and he said [TS]

  let's buy this airplane and uh went to [TS]

  the site went followed this flightaware [TS]

  to the site and it was owned by the [TS]

  owned by an LLC called something dumb [TS]

  something like little woody for or I [TS]

  don't know what it was [TS]

  sociological corporation John I think it [TS]

  was a situation where somebody somebody [TS]

  with more money than brains was like I [TS]

  want my I'm gonna get my Learjet through [TS]

  a broker I'm gonna buy some Learjet from [TS]

  glenn frey the grand Rite estate and I'm [TS]

  gonna rattle can it black and put a [TS]

  Woody Woodpecker on it and and then [TS]

  people will know I'm coming right right [TS]

  sure that's what i want i want to land [TS]

  in a regional airport in my black [TS]

  Learjet and I want people to be like I [TS]

  don't even know about [TS]

  flightaware but i want to download just [TS]

  to find out who this play is it's it's [TS]

  really it's some noble to get to that [TS]

  point life we are successful enough that [TS]

  nobody tells you what an asshole you are [TS]

  haha what do you think the finishes are [TS]

  you going to do that we can do that we [TS]

  can paint your you betcha you betcha mr. [TS]

  guy and you woodpecker on there so it on [TS]

  the inside I'm thinking either it is [TS]

  like a super eighties interior like [TS]

  mauve linoleum right because he got it [TS]

  from glenn frey yes or it's some [TS]

  situation where he took a lot of bench [TS]

  seats out of a ford f150 were like out [TS]

  of out of out of the e350 van and just [TS]

  bolted them in because he bought he just [TS]

  bought the shell there's like this thing [TS]

  needs an interior and you got it you got [TS]

  a bunch of seeds from a bus [TS]

  oh but I i highly doubt whole little [TS]

  woody but they don't think his Lear jet [TS]

  is like custom appointments inside [TS]

  yeah all of all hat no cowboy all hat no [TS]

  cattle is that no cattle will have okay [TS]

  I have no doubt is this your first day I [TS]

  have no cowboy is what you say about it [TS]

  boy coast but blue partner uh yeah [TS]

  death is raking up him too oh my gosh [TS]

  she's just pushing the cowboy out of the [TS]

  hill never gets any better [TS]

  oh my goodness yeah so I but I do that [TS]

  so let me ask you this yeah if you were [TS]

  going to have if you're going to have [TS]

  somebody gave you a jet [TS]

  ok let's say first of all that you had [TS]

  money yeah a racket sure we go let's [TS]

  imagine that you have money and enough [TS]

  money you need a minute for this one be [TS]

  sure [TS]

  ok let the get the gears turn and I know [TS]

  you're gonna have to boil you're gonna [TS]

  get oil came out and start boiling let [TS]

  my VR headset you have money enough [TS]

  money that you that it's now reasonable [TS]

  that if you traveled you would not want [TS]

  to fly commercial anymore okay [TS]

  yep because that's a tremendous [TS]

  inconvenience you have to wait around [TS]

  it's a sit with other people they don't [TS]

  serve Kentucky Fried Chicken nothing's [TS]

  gold sometimes you want to leave when [TS]

  you want to leave you have to gather you [TS]

  want to get there yep because you're [TS]

  you've got money now which means you're [TS]

  important enough that you have to be [TS]

  played mr. guy got to be places i get [TS]

  get back to my bedroom in Manhattan [TS]

  because it's literally the only place I [TS]

  can sleep right right exactly you need [TS]

  your pillow my pillow but you're not [TS]

  gonna bring your pillow now I'm not a [TS]

  monster is your pillow stays in your bed [TS]

  that's how you know we're so in this [TS]

  model somebody gives me a jet and let's [TS]

  go we just stipulate maybe a place to [TS]

  keep it and then for the sake of [TS]

  argument i have enough money to do [TS]

  something with it [TS]

  yeah you have enough money a to maintain [TS]

  it be to keep a pilot on call boy see to [TS]

  pay the absorbent gas bills that are [TS]

  that you know that uh attenuate every [TS]

  time you turn the lights on and oh I [TS]

  know but the thing is you have enough [TS]

  money that you don't have to think about [TS]

  any of this stuff your you just you you [TS]

  charge your Executive Assistant with it [TS]

  and then the bills get paid you never [TS]

  think about it [TS]

  yep here's your here's your jacket cost [TS]

  you two hundred fifty thousand dollars a [TS]

  year [TS]

  just so that you can fly to wherever it [TS]

  is you need yeah but forgot like me [TS]

  that's a rounding error right exactly [TS]

  it's just the interest payment on your [TS]

  boat yeah right now how would you [TS]

  configure your jet airplane okay [TS]

  hmm i'm not super clear on the [TS]

  constraints but i would say I would have [TS]

  taken my family places [TS]

  oh yeah absolutely have the same family [TS]

  or what we know that I've got money to [TS]

  have a different family [TS]

  well I think you're gonna have to have [TS]

  the same family you have but you could [TS]

  add additional families up to 40 k [TS]

  sliding doors [TS]

  I got it okay and also your family [TS]

  doesn't have to work your daughter no [TS]

  longer has to work or school every night [TS]

  she'd have to work anymore right [TS]

  yeah you know she she gets to come out [TS]

  of she doesn't have to thread the [TS]

  needles at the symbol factory anymore [TS]

  yeah that's just about the symbols [TS]

  behind little fingers out this been the [TS]

  symbol goes but i want to buy shopkins i [TS]

  have to work at the thimble factory [TS]

  yeah I don't just lying around you're [TS]

  going well I think you would have like [TS]

  five bathrooms and a pretty nice kitchen [TS]

  and places like soundproof rooms for [TS]

  everyone right and see the thing is I [TS]

  this is all speculation because i don't [TS]

  i haven't been on a lot of fancy jets [TS]

  big benefits everybody gets their seen a [TS]

  lot of fancy jets for watching sherlock [TS]

  last night we saw a fancy jet in that on [TS]

  the inside of that of course I've seen [TS]

  the the Republican presidents Jack many [TS]

  times I've seen that the Air Force One [TS]

  movie [TS]

  yeah the most of the most of those seem [TS]

  fairly unambitious it sounds like they [TS]

  basically go nice chairs in more legroom [TS]

  a table and maybe like a wet bar but not [TS]

  really you're right that they don't [TS]

  really go for they don't it's not very [TS]

  fantastical it isn't like a psychedelic [TS]

  sixties idea of a sex jet like it'sit's [TS]

  very it seems most of these another very [TS]

  costly know what now if I want to get [TS]

  like like a Learjet our Gulf Stream [TS]

  we're looking like 5 million dollars [TS]

  oh it's a lot depending on you know it [TS]

  goes up very quickly from like oh that's [TS]

  an expensive indulgence [TS]

  who to that's a ludicrous fame yeah that [TS]

  you would have to that there's a frankly [TS]

  no justification for like no CEO is so [TS]

  important [TS]

  that he needs to show his face like the [TS]

  more important to CEO is I would think [TS]

  the less likely he would actually have [TS]

  to get his face in front of other people [TS]

  that's a really good point let me ask [TS]

  you this pop quiz hotshot how many rack [TS]

  rate first class round trip flights per [TS]

  year would you need to spend to make it [TS]

  worth the effort to have a company check [TS]

  answer anyway you want you would have to [TS]

  be in the air all the time you would [TS]

  have to be a super villain that was [TS]

  getting refuel in midair [TS]

  oh my goodness and never touch the [TS]

  ground that costly it's a bit well just [TS]

  the airplane like a like a like a like a [TS]

  brand-new gulfstream to gulfstream and [TS]

  there they want five last I checked [TS]

  200-300 that's right girlfriend Vee [TS]

  let's say Gulfstream V and let's see [TS]

  always 36 million dollars as a 1998 [TS]

  don't even know what the latest call [TS]

  streams are named by owners as the best [TS]

  in value business aircraft 36 million [TS]

  dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop [TS]

  dollars in 1998 well hours non-stop [TS]

  I'm here you can get you can get a used [TS]

  one here at global air com [TS]

  is that right a so 1999 gulfstream five [TS]

  is only 14 million nine hundred thousand [TS]

  now so it retains its value pretty well [TS]

  so this is one of the things that you [TS]

  wouldn't make it too fucking weird you [TS]

  wouldn't have like a small abattoir it [TS]

  because that would take some of the [TS]

  retail value away [TS]

  I think of you it's like it's like a [TS]

  house if you decorate it too closely to [TS]

  your own style you are going to have a [TS]

  hard time selling it later okay [TS]

  I went and looked at a house in tacoma [TS]

  the other day that was that was like a [TS]

  beautiful four-story tall victorian and [TS]

  but had been decorated by a couple of [TS]

  eccentrics I'm gonna say [TS]

  husband-and-wife team of eccentrics and [TS]

  the outside of the home was covered with [TS]

  knitted it had trombones stapled to it [TS]

  and that sounds eclectic I'd never seen [TS]

  the like and I was like wow so that [TS]

  every day so when you were when you [TS]

  thought to put this house on the market [TS]

  you didn't think take the trombones down [TS]

  you're just like maybe the next owner [TS]

  wants to fuck on a pile of trash [TS]

  why would I deny them that right maybe [TS]

  anyway somebody from neutral milk hotel [TS]

  and you know they wanted some bones are [TS]

  all war [TS]

  Brandon gulfstream is singing against [TS]

  signs on a pile 61 million dollars 61 [TS]

  million dollar which would be talking [TS]

  about a brand-new gulfstream looking at [TS]

  gulfstream g650 er which is 68.6 eight [TS]

  million its seats 19mm 68 million yeah [TS]

  so who so that means if you have 680 [TS]

  million dollars [TS]

  this is already ten percent of your of [TS]

  my my back-of-the-envelope calculation [TS]

  on a first-class flight which i never by [TS]

  it's only ever bought for me but [TS]

  generally speaking I think you can [TS]

  expect most American first-class flights [TS]

  to be at least 2 grand record [TS]

  yeah I i always think first-class [TS]

  anywhere you'd want to go and if you're [TS]

  flying first class you're probably not [TS]

  booking those flights a long time in [TS]

  advance right because its first your [TS]

  first class wire but we seem two [TS]

  thousand is that fair i would i would [TS]

  have said for ok well let's say four if [TS]

  you get lonely I yeah but even if its [TS]

  let's say if it's 313 [TS]

  let's go if it's the abusive figure 3 [TS]

  thousand you fly once a week is my math [TS]

  right that's a little over a hundred [TS]

  fifty thousand dollars here okay [TS]

  is that right i did the math right so do [TS]

  that again no I probably did that wrong [TS]

  yes say that again three feelings [TS]

  graphing calculator should I close the [TS]

  internet 3000 asterisk 5259 thousand [TS]

  dollars per a rack rate first class [TS]

  round trip flight more or less [TS]

  let's double that let's double it double [TS]

  that right 318,000 dollars a year [TS]

  let's say maybe you're gonna even go to [TS]

  Canada sometimes I don't know [TS]

  yeah 300 how are you calculating this [TS]

  300,000 dollars a year for what [TS]

  oh uh so if you took a [TS]

  three-thousand-dollar flight 52 times a [TS]

  year a once-a-week that's a hundred [TS]

  fifty six thousand dollars per flight [TS]

  yeah if you if you amateur izing that [TS]

  jet over the course of only one year the [TS]

  amateur eyes it for one year you get [TS]

  read that but you have to factor in how [TS]

  much gasoline it costs to fly a [TS]

  Gulfstream 50 did I mention you have [TS]

  pyro pilot and a pilot and co-pilot and [TS]

  probably don't you want somebody to [TS]

  serve you drinks when you get your kid [TS]

  making spray can make me a Bloody now [TS]

  you're gonna have the whole reason your [TS]

  riches your kid doesn't have to work at [TS]

  it that's right get a gone from the [TS]

  family pet factory you get a 1-year [TS]

  Stewart yeah you're gonna want her on [TS]

  richkids on Instagram [TS]

  yes and you're not going to want to [TS]

  fixing people's drinks on richkids on [TS]

  Instagram [TS]

  yeah she should be showing off her three [TS]

  rolex watches Wow right so what so what [TS]

  one of those things like a little like a [TS]

  Russian rapper like her you know that [TS]

  you know there's this crazy russian guy [TS]

  photos where it's a guy with like two [TS]

  pistols and like you know you know a [TS]

  bunch of twenty dollar bills on a bed [TS]

  diamond grill what we call that we call [TS]

  that kinda is there a name for that [TS]

  genre of people showing off their wealth [TS]

  and guns [TS]

  I I have definitely going on the [TS]

  internet and found like ultimate fail [TS]

  websites which used to be a thing I love [TS]

  it's to go to ultimate fail tattoo fails [TS]

  oh my god no lock my daughter's favorite [TS]

  is no regrets [TS]

  haha no rigor dad to sales of what [TS]

  especially where the picture of the [TS]

  little bit of the the person's infant [TS]

  child is there and then the tattoo [TS]

  representational image and child looks [TS]

  to me like somebody drew with her feet [TS]

  yeah like a shrunken shrunken applehead [TS]

  yeah um and I think on some of those [TS]

  sites ultimate fails I i followed links [TS]

  to sites that just had people with it [TS]

  like a hundred eighty dollars spread out [TS]

  over the court over the bread spread of [TS]

  a motel bed and like 22 guns and one [TS]

  pellet gun and outfield CT yeah and a [TS]

  couple of like the couple of packets [TS]

  cigarettes guitar guitar band is [TS]

  anything else i can put it this way i'm [TS]

  gonna borrow the microwave for 2 flat [TS]

  flat brim Yankees caps people i just [TS]

  sent you link to my favorite new twitter [TS]

  this is the kind this is the Senate [TS]

  skype this is the kind of thing where [TS]

  you used to see a lot of this on the [TS]

  internet 10-15 years ago and then I [TS]

  guess became kind of a 4chan thing but [TS]

  if you want a nice mainstream [TS]

  twitter to follow try cursed images [TS]

  first images and you can find that by [TS]

  just going to / cursed [TS]

  images my goodness [TS]

  yeah so is this is an art space well [TS]

  you'll see it's just it's just mostly [TS]

  disturbing photos haha well how about [TS]

  those up those what is that Badgers [TS]

  badger a lot of badges in one yard just [TS]

  a batters and look at the cat right now [TS]

  there's adding the corner looking at the [TS]

  Badger like holy shit this is not this [TS]

  is not how I wanted my life to turn out [TS]

  so I i have you I've told you in the [TS]

  past that cats and possums will interact [TS]

  with one another then I told me that [TS]

  you've seen it John you seen it [TS]

  firsthand you know that they could make [TS]

  a and they could have an accord they [TS]

  could have a taunt [TS]

  they talked well apparently according to [TS]

  this image a cat and 30 Badgers will [TS]

  also just chill to think about the seats [TS]

  are rushing and yeah the guy drinking a [TS]

  tumbler of vodka while he eats what [TS]

  looks like salmon roe out of a big tub [TS]

  with the spoon la just scroll down [TS]

  there's a tremendous I like the [TS]

  Christmas wreath made out of baby [TS]

  carrots keep going down because of [TS]

  cheetos oh yeah uh whoa i do feel like a [TS]

  badger is not a thing [TS]

  oh here's a guy in an oxygen tent who [TS]

  wanted to play the violin shirt it [TS]

  I'm sorry that's the old ok nice um I do [TS]

  feel my goodness to the Russian got him [TS]

  with the top of roe [TS]

  yeah look that's a lot of row and I [TS]

  think that's probably get some markets [TS]

  drinking there [TS]

  yeah he does seem like a Russian guy he [TS]

  didn't need to put a shirt on is just [TS]

  enjoying some row I really a I really do [TS]

  feel like now I want to know more about [TS]

  what is the deal with that bed with 10 [TS]

  eggs on it put em cracked eggs yeah it's [TS]

  just just got to say what happened [TS]

  interesting gag to do on somebody asks a [TS]

  lot of time on this website i'm gonna [TS]

  have to look at that but now i want to [TS]

  know more about Badgers yeah i got it i [TS]

  think i think this isn't that the reason [TS]

  I want to know more about this [TS]

  oh the first thing that comes up of [TS]

  course is the Wisconsin Badgers which [TS]

  I'm guessing is a [TS]

  is the university of wisconsin football [TS]

  team but his the Gophers hot Minnesota [TS]

  the Minnesota football team is the gofer [TS]

  at the Golden Rose but i don't know i [TS]

  mean the Oregon team is the gooey ducks [TS]

  member and Fargo to see go first [TS]

  Minnesota Golden Gophers so [TS]

  oh they are there Badgers are in the [TS]

  same family as auditors weasels [TS]

  Wolverines and polecat I see the [TS]

  wolverine IC Wilberforce resemblance [TS]

  weasels even two but otters i bet i [TS]

  think badges are tough they look pretty [TS]

  tough they do look tough [TS]

  I'm gonna start calling others see [TS]

  weasels [TS]

  Oh water Badgers why the hell aren't [TS]

  they already called see weasels missed [TS]

  opportunity [TS]

  you know like a sea lion doesn't look [TS]

  like a sea lion looks like a c-dawg [TS]

  c-dawg c-dawg [TS]

  yeah but I guess see dogs were already [TS]

  taken by pirates are haha haha oh wow [TS]

  there are a lot of different kinds of [TS]

  badgers and in America we have the [TS]

  American back and get the American [TS]

  badger who then there's the European [TS]

  Badger and then be Asian badge or [TS]

  European badger thinks he's fancy [TS]

  Japanese badger hog badger Burmese [TS]

  ferret badger job in Farah badger I you [TS]

  know there's a ferret badger do you [TS]

  think Farrah badger is something that [TS]

  like a Javanese goth would carry yeah i [TS]

  think it's the kind of thing Strunk and [TS]

  white would say eventually that needs to [TS]

  become a new word when you're [TS]

  hyphenating something like ferret badger [TS]

  like you're not really done yet [TS]

  this is not reached its final form this [TS]

  have to be called something other than a [TS]

  fair badger that's that's you know with [TS]

  with all due respect I know we live in [TS]

  complicated times I think that's [TS]

  probably a little off-putting two [TS]

  ferrets and Badgers you a pic aside [TS]

  yeah right exactly but now i'm looking [TS]

  at a fair badger it actually looks like [TS]

  a perfect cross between a parent batter [TS]

  my friend had a fair is a pet [TS]

  I so I've been to people's out back when [TS]

  I would buy drugs [TS]

  yeah always see a lot of ferrets from [TS]

  people that i didn't know this is buying [TS]

  us be clear this is not a mr. show bed [TS]

  but buying drugs in the nineties i bet [TS]

  you get a lot of people with exotic pets [TS]

  i did I don't see 30 [TS]

  yeah exactly like that like that you [TS]

  know i mean how many other people have [TS]

  kissed a parent right that's just a pair [TS]

  but yeah you can you go to somebody's [TS]

  house you can adjust these online polls [TS]

  I told you about the time I was at a i [TS]

  was at a guy's house and he had a [TS]

  rooster [TS]

  I love you I'd like to hear it again in [TS]

  his snake cage again restored snake h [TS]

  bought a little be bought a little [TS]

  chicken to feed his giant boa [TS]

  constrictor [TS]

  mhm and then the boa constrictor wasn't [TS]

  hungry I guess we're not boa constrictor [TS]

  was a Python some Burmese fair but the [TS]

  kind of squeeze it spray the prey turns [TS]

  purple and then they can eat it [TS]

  yes it's a boa constructor who squeezes [TS]

  and squeezes a chicken [TS]

  uh-huh and and it eats it but this snake [TS]

  his giant what i can only recall as [TS]

  being a yellow a giant yellow Burmese [TS]

  pythons ferret was in a huge the like [TS]

  enclosure in his living room and he [TS]

  bought a chicken and he put it in there [TS]

  for the thing to eat live study life got [TS]

  to be alive because that excites the [TS]

  Python and that's what you want i'm [TS]

  excited but i really feel it like we [TS]

  have one of these in my seventh grade [TS]

  science class we should put rabbits in [TS]

  there and i think it was it happens like [TS]

  once in like once a month [TS]

  agent it that often didn't get that off [TS]

  and that's why this situation got [TS]

  confusing for the for my drug dealer [TS]

  friend because of the day and the and my [TS]

  friend looked like the lead singer of of [TS]

  out know what was the band that did jump [TS]

  around [TS]

  no no how Spain yeah i think it was [TS]

  little he looked like the same house of [TS]

  pain but he had this nikki put the [TS]

  chicken in there [TS]

  the snake wasn't interested in the [TS]

  chicken lived in the cage with the snake [TS]

  long enough that it was revealed to not [TS]

  be a chicken but in fact to be a rooster [TS]

  and then it grew until it was like not a [TS]

  full-grown rooster but a teenager mr. [TS]

  like its legs were it had foghorn [TS]

  leghorn legs and which were I if I [TS]

  recall correctly six inches tall like [TS]

  this rooster now was two feet tall and [TS]

  my my friend said i don't think the [TS]

  snake can eat this now it's too big [TS]

  and I don't know what to do oh my gosh [TS]

  did we're in the fullness of time did he [TS]

  start feeding the rooster what the [TS]

  rooster would enjoy eating [TS]

  I think he was he had to keep feeding [TS]

  the rooster isn't more converts from [TS]

  food to pet [TS]

  well sure snake food to pet but he [TS]

  didn't want a rooster and I can't think [TS]

  of anybody that wants a rooster accept [TS]

  my next-door neighbor who has that [TS]

  freaking rooster out there that wakes me [TS]

  up every morning it would not be a [TS]

  typical nineties drug dealer pet a [TS]

  rooster [TS]

  no although got to make my envelope but [TS]

  you're going to see a lot of drug [TS]

  dealers with the Sorry Sorry medicinal [TS]

  marijuana but there's tons of roosters [TS]

  in mcminnville if you oh well sure but [TS]

  those are those are good eating reeses [TS]

  or artisanal bespoke heritage and sure [TS]

  there's two students to two sisters ok [TS]

  anyway so he said I don't know what to [TS]

  do with this rooster I don't want to [TS]

  just turn it loose in the yard now be [TS]

  cruel but i'm thinking that that's what [TS]

  I have to do and of course in my state [TS]

  at the time in my at the place I was in [TS]

  my life I didn't have very good judgment [TS]

  and I said I'll take the rooster and so [TS]

  he was like really and I said yeah I'll [TS]

  take that rooster and so he was still at [TS]

  the invoice for that he took one bag of [TS]

  marijuana 1rooster he took the rooster [TS]

  out of the cage but somehow I'd been [TS]

  dropped off at his house [TS]

  I was a long way from where I lived [TS]

  which was at my house I was crashing at [TS]

  a guy's house and so this guy i was [TS]

  buying the pot and getting free roosters [TS]

  from he had a white 72 el camino and he [TS]

  said I'll give you a ride back to your [TS]

  house if you take the rooster and I was [TS]

  like taking the rooster so the rooster [TS]

  and I got in the back of the open and we [TS]

  drove me for people who don't remember [TS]

  is a pickup truck like automobile it's [TS]

  not a brat but I was but it was like you [TS]

  would you would you describe it as a car [TS]

  that happen to have a bed in the back [TS]

  yeah it looks like a car but it but it [TS]

  was a pickup truck it looked like a [TS]

  Chevelle but it had a pickup and but he [TS]

  lived across town so we had to get on [TS]

  the freeway and so I'm sitting in the [TS]

  back trying to keep a hold of this [TS]

  rooster [TS]

  and the rooster initially was very [TS]

  suspicious of me but when he realized [TS]

  that his life was in my hands it's not [TS]

  like you're going to bond with him but [TS]

  he stuck close to me because if he got [TS]

  away from me he his little rooster claws [TS]

  were not able to get gain purchase in [TS]

  the metal back of the truck and so he [TS]

  would just slide it would slide all the [TS]

  way to the back when the car went [TS]

  accelerate and then when the car would [TS]

  break he would slide all the way to the [TS]

  front and I'm trying to get ahold of him [TS]

  he's trying to get away from me at first [TS]

  finally you know the rooster and I like [TS]

  reach an accommodation we get across [TS]

  town [TS]

  I come into the house where I'm crashing [TS]

  we're like five guys sitting around [TS]

  watching friends and I'm like guess what [TS]

  I got us a rooster the guy that is [TS]

  renting the house the head head Brewster [TS]

  in charge says I don't want a rooster in [TS]

  my house [TS]

  leave it on the well you know at first [TS]

  everybody is like wow right and they're [TS]

  all like petting the rooster and [TS]

  interested in the rooster and I feel [TS]

  like a hero because i also had weed but [TS]

  then it becomes clear that the rooster [TS]

  is not welcome and he says rooster [TS]

  rooster can't stay and so I'm trying to [TS]

  negotiate with him but I'm like okay [TS]

  i'll put the rooster on the porch for a [TS]

  minute while you and I talked about [TS]

  what's going to happen to the wrist [TS]

  because i don't have to you know what [TS]

  there is to hear it well and also like I [TS]

  don't have a place to go right so i need [TS]

  to keep crashing at this house but I [TS]

  don't want to be separated from my [TS]

  rooster because by now i feel kind of [TS]

  bonded machine named at this point I [TS]

  don't think I'd names [TS]

  yeah I might have called the tree Roger [TS]

  okay um so I'm talking to my friend and [TS]

  I'm like to leave the rooster in the [TS]

  backyard he's like the backyard is my [TS]

  hot-pepper garden [TS]

  I don't want the rooster eating my hot [TS]

  peppers so we talked about it for a [TS]

  little while we did not reach any kind [TS]

  of agreement and I go outside [TS]

  roosters gone no soup [TS]

  I said that [TS]

  you said it i should search the whole [TS]

  neighborhood can't find the rooster [TS]

  anywhere and uh this house was on the [TS]

  border a little saigon and so we all [TS]

  speculated that someone came along the [TS]

  rooster escaped cruiser was walking down [TS]

  the street headed on its merry way [TS]

  talk a walk thank you thinking that it [TS]

  was like headed somewhere mr. town [TS]

  rooster town USA and then somebody [TS]

  detective's job picking grapes that the [TS]

  correct somebody who is thinking stew [TS]

  rooster who sue sees him says unattended [TS]

  rooster and I think it's like uber fruit [TS]

  strips so and again presumably if you [TS]

  know a student stir if you recognize to [TS]

  restore when you see one who you're also [TS]

  going to a know how to grab the students [TS]

  threats if you can see the cheese purple [TS]

  oh right well i have it cuber and so [TS]

  they knew how to grab it and they knew [TS]

  how to tell whether this rooster belong [TS]

  to somebody they check it for tags and [TS]

  and they're like rooster you come with [TS]

  me and the rooster might have even [TS]

  thought like this person knows how to [TS]

  handle a rooster i'm headed i'm headed [TS]

  to rooster rooster even going to mr. [TS]

  town [TS]

  yeah and then death raked up his leaves [TS]

  uh-huh god you're pushing the rooster [TS]

  uphill yeah and then right into the [TS]

  stupid my god what can you compete with [TS]

  that wrist right [TS]

  everything about that you can you [TS]

  couldn't write that story up but from a [TS]

  Rooster's point of view what a very very [TS]

  confusing week you're not gonna fucking [TS]

  believe what happened to me [TS]

  somebody bought me for food which [TS]

  apparently they think I am I think of [TS]

  myself as a rooster i might be an [TS]

  architect someday and they throw me in a [TS]

  tank with a big-ass python python like [TS]

  interested you know I start to grow [TS]

  start to grow [TS]

  I get to pick for the kid and he's a [TS]

  part-time they realize that I'm a tough [TS]

  guy they got to get rid of me before I [TS]

  heard this Python they're gonna give me [TS]

  this guy over here so we get a pickup [TS]

  truck [TS]

  I'm a little baked beans are living in a [TS]

  drug dealer sure you get covered mr. [TS]

  contact time [TS]

  yeah wow that's rough [TS]

  gets in the car with it with a with a [TS]

  with a bearded young guy [TS]

  mhm who wants to kind of be as pal yeah [TS]

  you know the bearded the young bearded [TS]

  guy wants to interact with me [TS]

  he's been adopted ya like hey hey pal [TS]

  huh [TS]

  can i scratch under can i scratch your [TS]

  back your neck from getting scratched [TS]

  chicken scratch chicken [TS]

  mhm when you when you go to scratch [TS]

  chicken's neck you realize that chicken [TS]

  is ninety-eight percent feathers [TS]

  yeah that's like a cat now and all [TS]

  that's in there underneath the feathers [TS]

  because you're like I want to scratch [TS]

  you and then you're like whoa I don't [TS]

  want to scratch feathers I want to [TS]

  scratch perchik special bird [TS]

  yeah you get all the way in there and [TS]

  you're like there's hardly anybody it's [TS]

  like his neck as big as a crayon but [TS]

  surrounded by feather [TS]

  yeah I never thought about it from the [TS]

  Roosters perspective but I was quite a [TS]

  day [TS]

  yeah oh never get better does it did you [TS]

  know that well no it doesn't going to [TS]

  end up going to end up in a in a plastic [TS]

  bag made to look like a pumpkin on [TS]

  death's lon [TS]

  ok [TS]