Roderick on the Line

Ep. 219: "It's an Off Day"


  this episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

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  supertrain [TS]

  [Music] [TS]

  hello hi John I'm Merlin how's it going [TS]

  oh my goodness yeah [TS]

  oh but what I mean who [TS]

  Oh mm oh I last night was laying in bed [TS]

  i went to bed early [TS]

  1010 p.m. i was in bed covers up under [TS]

  my nose [TS]

  mm and I started to play my little game [TS]

  on my phone telephone game your phone [TS]

  came here it's a game i've had for a [TS]

  long time [TS]

  it's a little bit of a like a gym game [TS]

  you know once you move that i haven't [TS]

  played this but they're very popular [TS]

  movies with some fruit or or some jewels [TS]

  yeah and we'd each other line em up move [TS]

  em yeah you line them up who I was on an [TS]

  airplane one-time long time ago flying [TS]

  outlook a great distance and I looked [TS]

  over at some passenger sitting on the [TS]

  aisle seats you know one or two rows up [TS]

  and he was playing the gym game he was [TS]

  lining is lining up James and I said [TS]

  well that seems like a fun diversion so [TS]

  I i acquired the the gym game I've been [TS]

  lining up gems for some time now but [TS]

  there were several as you know on some [TS]

  of these games there were several other [TS]

  options for gameplay with me so far I [TS]

  think so I mean so yeah I mean you so is [TS]

  this kind of thing where you get an eel [TS]

  and gives you more mario coins or [TS]

  something [TS]

  no no you long to put you log upon LBA [TS]

  the game uh-huh and it says do you want [TS]

  to play the the standard game or do you [TS]

  want to play octopus party or do you [TS]

  want to play doing place a a gem delight [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  for the gnomes in the mine they describe [TS]

  how that didn't make the game different [TS]

  John no no they don't they don't say [TS]

  there's an octopus party over there you [TS]

  should check it out [TS]

  that's right they leave it to you and so [TS]

  you know since I'm a traditionalist I [TS]

  never chose octopus party [TS]

  what does that have to do with James [TS]

  right we have to do with lining up James [TS]

  but a few days ago I i went to a i was [TS]

  looking at my gym game and I said maybe [TS]

  a little variation in the gym game maybe [TS]

  i will try octopus party in this case i [TS]

  picked gnome mine which made sense when [TS]

  you're my mining James is the premise I [TS]

  think who wear the gems come from [TS]

  they're lining up standing why yeah why [TS]

  is the game not called rotterdam jeweler [TS]

  who write that they had rotterdam [TS]

  jeweler I would've played a long time [TS]

  ago encouraging you to explore beyond [TS]

  the superficial level of the gem lining [TS]

  let's think about where this comes from [TS]

  haha yeah thank you put a historical a [TS]

  spin on it and I think a lot of us out [TS]

  here playing our gym games would say [TS]

  right i will i will do rotterdam jeweler [TS]

  i will do [TS]

  DeBeers vice president uh-huh uh-huh [TS]

  yeah yeah guyana chucker look you could [TS]

  you get you get you get Ruby digger [TS]

  write something that connects you can [TS]

  really get your hands back into the [TS]

  earth [TS]

  yeah good you wanted let's be honest [TS]

  even if it's a Middle earth it should be [TS]

  a middle earth that's one of the key is [TS]

  one of the key sources of gems [TS]

  middle-earth who the mines of moria em [TS]

  anyway so this this game has got these [TS]

  that you know it's like octopus card and [TS]

  I don't want that but I do go to know [TS]

  mine and edited variation on the games [TS]

  very appealing [TS]

  it's set to a timer instead of two to [TS]

  some other level of achievement or kind [TS]

  of achievement and so now i'm rich i [TS]

  have a renewed interest in it [TS]

  anyway i went to bed at ten started [TS]

  playing no mind at one-thirty my Fitbit [TS]

  which I have programmed to think that it [TS]

  knows me i told my fit but i like to go [TS]

  to bed at two in the morning at one [TS]

  thirty in the morning fit said time to [TS]

  get ready to go to bed and I said [TS]

  tut-tut you Fitbit you're not my nanny [TS]

  I'm Way ahead i'm already in bed i'm in [TS]

  bed [TS]

  that's right I'm ready 50 i'm in bed I'm [TS]

  just I'm just diverting myself and my [TS]

  attention a little bit before i go to [TS]

  sleep by lining up some gems when I [TS]

  finally have had enough lining up James [TS]

  it is five thirty in the morning from [TS]

  10pm til 530 in the morning i lined up [TS]

  James fruitlessly for no betterment of [TS]

  myself for mankind seven-and-a-half [TS]

  hours i could have flown to do by John [TS]

  not not literally not from here too much [TS]

  longer flight but I could I could have [TS]

  not only flown to Honolulu but taking a [TS]

  cab to the airport had a refreshing nap [TS]

  and che dice I could have had a shave [TS]

  ice [TS]

  I could be sitting under the banyan tree [TS]

  at the Royal Hawaiian hotel listening to [TS]

  some luau music sometimes really puts [TS]

  the context you know in the time that [TS]

  I've been stacking gems so many things [TS]

  could have happened i could work a full [TS]

  day at work up you know assuming that [TS]

  i'm going to slack off the first and [TS]

  last 15 minutes of full day of work [TS]

  yeah so I'm embarrassed I wouldn't be as [TS]

  embarrassed as I as I am now having just [TS]

  told it to everyone you know but I'm [TS]

  also exhausted from lack of sleep I have [TS]

  things to do today so you can see my you [TS]

  can see my conundrum [TS]

  oh it's a variety of chondrocytes a [TS]

  basket of conundrum [TS]

  oh I'm sorry John have any insight into [TS]

  this condition [TS]

  yeah yeah I do i do I do [TS]

  yeah I think sometimes I I think of it [TS]

  as the way when you're trying to catch [TS]

  fish you want to get the get the hook in [TS]

  you know what I mean like me could you [TS]

  could be fucking around and throwing [TS]

  your line and and and based on your hook [TS]

  but it doesn't really but sometimes the [TS]

  hook gets in and in this case I think we [TS]

  don't always realize when the hook is in [TS]

  and even when it is in there's still [TS]

  some kind of different part of your [TS]

  brain that's that's that's saying hey [TS]

  this is important fishing you're doing [TS]

  here [TS]

  yeah you want to get the hook it right [TS]

  okay I'm with you yeah so which so which [TS]

  is which mi the fish is the game the [TS]

  fish where the hook is getting in which [TS]

  which one is the fish in which that's a [TS]

  really good at that word that Spinoza I [TS]

  don't know what that would be that's [TS]

  really that's a really good question [TS]

  Barkley I that's a very good question [TS]

  John now it seems like you really think [TS]

  about your basket of conundrum [TS]

  you've got on the one hand you seen like [TS]

  something something something was [TS]

  pleasing to you or satisfying about this [TS]

  game and everything seemed copacetic for [TS]

  a while right [TS]

  so sometimes when I think about these [TS]

  things for myself and I just want to say [TS]

  I you know what I'm gonna share your [TS]

  shame i'm going to unburden you by [TS]

  saying i do this kind of bullshit all [TS]

  the time I have an awareness of when it [TS]

  began and then I'm covered with shame [TS]

  when it ends when I'm up sometimes very [TS]

  sketchy on what happened in between [TS]

  apart from the fact my phone is now at [TS]

  three percent I'm exhausted uh-huh and I [TS]

  i just cut this out i do not want to [TS]

  talk about the election but I don't want [TS]

  to talk about the election [TS]

  wow you're I really don't want to talk [TS]

  about the election but i have been a [TS]

  nervous wreck for the past I i I'm i I'm [TS]

  no max Temkin but I am a nervous wreck [TS]

  about this and I have been reloading web [TS]

  pages to this 100 menu [TS]

  you know me right thing that I do I know [TS]

  general guy who removed the tab full of [TS]

  news bookmarks I invented that i [TS]

  invented not caring about the news [TS]

  no you don't do that you don't have any [TS]

  load the news and I'm sitting there with [TS]

  the 538 [TS]

  the polls only and how many path to [TS]

  victory and I fucking ate myself [TS]

  oh don't do it just keeps happening and [TS]

  then at the same time I I got you know [TS]

  i'm going to go all the way I'm going to [TS]

  go all the way down to the bottom of the [TS]

  nomes here's my problem I i can feel [TS]

  that I'm getting better at threes after [TS]

  like two years but my score is not [TS]

  getting any higher [TS]

  oh you're on the plateau you're on the [TS]

  plateau and one day you're gonna have a [TS]

  leap you're going to be so much you're [TS]

  going to just leap ahead you're going to [TS]

  be at your make seventy thousand points [TS]

  one day I I honestly I don't know what's [TS]

  gonna happen at this point I'm at sixes [TS]

  and sevens with threes [TS]

  yeah here's my tragedy and i have for [TS]

  some newer listeners they don't remember [TS]

  the the many conversations we've had [TS]

  about the great phone game threes but i [TS]

  have introduced my daughter 230 no [TS]

  kidding [TS]

  and she had smoked one of the very few [TS]

  video games ever seen and she really is [TS]

  fascinated and very proud of her [TS]

  accomplishments it isn't clear yet [TS]

  whether she 100-percent understands the [TS]

  difference between scoring 20 500 and [TS]

  600 she seems equally proud of both [TS]

  accomplishments and she would love to [TS]

  talk about this i would love to talk [TS]

  about a child strategy for for not only [TS]

  waiting on a child strategy for playing [TS]

  three is because it's very difficult for [TS]

  me to watch up my daughter seems to [TS]

  think it's all about how quickly she can [TS]

  move as if I just keep going up left up [TS]

  left up left i get a really good school [TS]

  and so I'm you know I'm not really sure [TS]

  and yet our scores are almost as good as [TS]

  mine [TS]

  yeah they're better i think that's a [TS]

  good strategy you know you've heard [TS]

  overthinking it [TS]

  you've heard of the version of playing [TS]

  three is where the goal is to get a [TS]

  smaller score [TS]

  oh I I don't know if that's the thing [TS]

  but i'm pretty good at that I got it is [TS]

  i got 400 the other day if it is it is a [TS]

  version of that game like chaff who you [TS]

  know its competitive with your friends [TS]

  like all right everybody trying to get [TS]

  the lowest score 3 is go [TS]

  yeah like you know you don't you don't [TS]

  know from shame yeah [TS]

  I so let me ask you this [TS]

  whereas you were refreshing 538 m did [TS]

  you take did you take some time to [TS]

  obsess over hurricane Matthew know it [TS]

  was just getting in my way [TS]

  oh wow I was just getting my way with [TS]

  with on the google news huh yeah I don't [TS]

  come at i'll learn from you a long time [TS]

  ago that following the news a fool's [TS]

  errand and that any news worth knowing [TS]

  can can wait until the weekly digest you [TS]

  really feel like you really learned that [TS]

  from me [TS]

  yeah oh my gosh John that makes me feel [TS]

  so good ya know I'd say it's it's it's a [TS]

  great strategy for example I want to [TS]

  bask in this four minutes I mean thank [TS]

  you i'm humbled by that because I think [TS]

  of you as a learned man [TS]

  mm uu dribble it out in dribs and drabs [TS]

  you through people's you know what you [TS]

  like you like Milton Berle I'll take [TS]

  just enough to beat you haha me [TS]

  oh hello showgirl hmm no I'm so but i [TS]

  think if you learned man but i also know [TS]

  that we share fishhooks yeah well but i [TS]

  but I i was on the news cycle for many [TS]

  years and and also making the classic [TS]

  error of thinking that being a [TS]

  up-to-the-minute was a was your [TS]

  responsibility as a citizen but i just i [TS]

  have more of a more of a Pony Express [TS]

  feeling about the news now you know like [TS]

  if it can if it it doesn't need to get [TS]

  faster it doesn't need to get to you [TS]

  faster than if it came by a stagecoach [TS]

  right i think so you're using a kind of [TS]

  is an analogy [TS]

  well I mean he let his here's the thing [TS]

  you don't need to be there's a certain [TS]

  kind of sport [TS]

  oh god I hate myself there's a certain [TS]

  kind of sport [TS]

  maybe started watching Twitter while the [TS]

  debate is going on [TS]

  yeah there is because it feels like you [TS]

  have to i made my poor daughter watch a [TS]

  90-minute flaming shit show about pussy [TS]

  grabbing last night because I was like [TS]

  this is important [TS]

  oh my goodness yeah yeah she always [TS]

  deeply it's so deeply unimportant i I've [TS]

  gone on record as saying the last debate [TS]

  of any kind i watched was uh was Lloyd [TS]

  Bentsen vs dan quayle uh-huh and and [TS]

  that was during the sport debate years [TS]

  where you sit with your friends and and [TS]

  you throw beer on each other as you jump [TS]

  up and go wow [TS]

  and we were there together it's like [TS]

  it's like watching basketball with white [TS]

  people [TS]

  yeah we were there when lloyd bentsen [TS]

  said you're no jack kennedy and and it [TS]

  felt like you know watching in real-time [TS]

  felt like I had seen the Berlin Wall [TS]

  come down because for the rest of my [TS]

  life i was going to be in situations [TS]

  where someone would say usually me would [TS]

  say you're no jack kennedy and it's my [TS]

  first day at this is your first day and [TS]

  watch all my good as I should have said [TS]

  that to him [TS]

  user no Jack Kennedy but no one [TS]

  it's not reference anymore except other [TS]

  olds and but but through this election [TS]

  cycle i know that nothing is going to [TS]

  turn on a dime [TS]

  I do not need to know the ins and outs [TS]

  the ups and downs and if you did if you [TS]

  did know the s2 your point if you didn't [TS]

  know the ins and outs [TS]

  like what would that change in what I'm [TS]

  doing the world has change anything and [TS]

  full disclosure I did not watch the UH [TS]

  or listen to the pussy grabbing video [TS]

  incident because guess what I knew [TS]

  exactly what it sounded like [TS]

  I'm what it actually is worse when you [TS]

  listen to it but even so like that i [TS]

  don't need it in my head you know like [TS]

  the worst part about watching the news [TS]

  right now is anytime you anytime you dig [TS]

  at all into the war in Syria you turn a [TS]

  corner which you know you're you're [TS]

  following the war in Syria and you feel [TS]

  it to your response [TS]

  its ability to to to bear witness at [TS]

  least as much as like our government [TS]

  isn't really performing to use worldwide [TS]

  nobody's doing anything because nobody [TS]

  knows what to do except the Russians who [TS]

  feel like what they should do is kill [TS]

  people they have focused oh you got it [TS]

  you got your hand to it really well we [TS]

  got all these guns and bombs and then [TS]

  you are not using them enough i wish we [TS]

  had went from that way because nuclear [TS]

  weapons when we use them [TS]

  why don't we use them just about it in [TS]

  there we paid for the bottom paid for [TS]

  that's very provocation what you just [TS]

  said Jesus if you were running for [TS]

  president I would i think that would end [TS]

  up in the newspaper you consider it to [TS]

  be disqualifying John uh who knows [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  oh my face hurts but up but if you're [TS]

  following the war in Syria it doesn't [TS]

  take long for you to turn a corner open [TS]

  a door and you're staring at pictures of [TS]

  dead babies [TS]

  it's like there are so many children [TS]

  being killed in that war that and then [TS]

  yeah that's not stuff you get out of [TS]

  here out of your mind and the question [TS]

  is at mi bearing witness to this in a [TS]

  way that's useful to humanity is it my [TS]

  obligation to see a certain number of [TS]

  dead children every day or two in order [TS]

  to perform my duties as a world as a [TS]

  world citizen or or not because that's [TS]

  very damaging you know it's it's [TS]

  psychically damaging and there's I'm [TS]

  sure plenty of arguments that it's much [TS]

  more damaging to be in Syria and have [TS]

  your children killed in a in a smart [TS]

  bomb or a dumb bomb [TS]

  yeah but what what am I contributing uh [TS]

  what am I contributing and anyway i'm [TS]

  i'm mostly off of the news treadmill I [TS]

  Eileen in periodic that you know I'm [TS]

  like a like a like a black lab I leaned [TS]

  my head out the window [TS]

  I stick my tongue out I taste the the [TS]

  particulate I taste the microscopic [TS]

  urine particulate of 400 raccoons [TS]

  whoo that my sensitive tongue reads that [TS]

  you're in particulate and knows [TS]

  something about the forest and about the [TS]

  and about the world at large but then I [TS]

  pull my dumb dog head back in the car [TS]

  and I and I and I use my tongue to to [TS]

  feel the particular of the [TS]

  air-conditioning anyway I way those two [TS]

  universes and it's like it's like I'm in [TS]

  like I'm in the car for the most part [TS]

  nothing like your cellphone for seven [TS]

  hours about this episode of Roderick on [TS]

  the line is brought to you by braintree [TS]

  code for easy mobile payments to learn [TS]

  more about braintree right now by [TS]

  visiting braintree payments dot-com / [TS]

  supertrain maybe you're working on the [TS]

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  gotta check this out for yourself you [TS]

  gotta go to braintree payments calm / [TS]

  supertrain our thanks to braintree for [TS]

  supporting Roderick on the line and all [TS]

  the great show lined them up let you [TS]

  down [TS]

  done done done and everything is at the [TS]

  end at the end of every one of these [TS]

  games at what I want is for for a for [TS]

  exactly that bell sound to happen and [TS]

  then a little piece of kibble comes down [TS]

  into a into a bowl right just a little [TS]

  link like [TS]

  if if a dog didn't have the kibble he [TS]

  would stop licking the phone but but [TS]

  that's what a dog is meant to do using [TS]

  people do you think people go to Las [TS]

  Vegas to make money i don't think so i [TS]

  think in some part of their lizard brain [TS]

  you think oh boy I played a lot of video [TS]

  blackjack if I show up in las vegas [TS]

  there's a pretty good chance i'm gonna [TS]

  walk away me I'm sure that happens but i [TS]

  think it's it's just the gambling people [TS]

  like the gambling and the thing is John [TS]

  your scholarship director's medium posts [TS]

  about this about how they make the games [TS]

  to break your brain a little bit you [TS]

  understand the understand the one-armed [TS]

  bandit aspect of your video games [TS]

  yeah they do it they don't purposely you [TS]

  remember we interviewed that horrible [TS]

  man [TS]

  remember that man who made that game 3 [TS]

  and we talked to him he seems like a [TS]

  nice guy but you could tell he was [TS]

  actually a monster when he was doing [TS]

  that fingers I don't even know how we're [TS]

  doing most cordial boot but I know and I [TS]

  know if I pull this down i know i think [TS]

  i got to I got two in the middle [TS]

  they can't move and it might pull down i [TS]

  know that fucking red 2 is going to go [TS]

  in the upper left where I not only don't [TS]

  need it and don't want it but now it [TS]

  creates a problem for me [TS]

  he made that on purpose yeah well and [TS]

  also those were to make the red fall to [TS]

  to make me get a 400 sure you just get [TS]

  swelling you a shame on you [TS]

  you're up at thirty-four thousand points [TS]

  and then all of a sudden he was [TS]

  surprised you get six red tiles in a row [TS]

  i keep thinking I kind of beat fix red [TS]

  tiles and you're like you know what I [TS]

  was fine i was from fine i had this game [TS]

  under control [TS]

  I was me i was marching to 60,000 it's [TS]

  like like Ricky Jay walks and i'll let [TS]

  you cut the deck like okay then I won't [TS]

  even touch the cards i won't even touch [TS]

  the card you cut the deck and UD let's [TS]

  play three more hands okay gotta get [TS]

  excited some foot [TS]

  yeah yeah you loan me your nascar yeah [TS]

  car and then no tell you what you give [TS]

  me a shitty NASCAR car you getting yours [TS]

  and if you can beat me in three laps [TS]

  i'll give you 10,000 oh yeah right right [TS]

  yeah well i mean i wish that that was a [TS]

  that was that was a metaphor for [TS]

  something but it's not it's actually a [TS]

  daydream my head [TS]

  saturday is that right yeah you said you [TS]

  might need to work and sleep hygiene a [TS]

  little bit its people keep saying sleep [TS]

  hygiene and it and it's you know some [TS]

  people react to the sound of the word [TS]

  moist know what yeah sure you don't like [TS]

  the word moist [TS]

  yeah I feel like hygiene is in there for [TS]

  me i don't want to hear the word hygiene [TS]

  think it's problematic but i just don't [TS]

  like it [TS]

  hydromatic hygiene problem that is my [TS]

  new moist hygiene is something better [TS]

  that a junior high gym teacher says to [TS]

  you as a way of not saying VD yeah are [TS]

  or before making you get in the shower [TS]

  when you don't want to [TS]

  yeah but uh but so yesterday i'm walking [TS]

  on that the this may be a sleep problem [TS]

  but i'm walking along and here's the [TS]

  daydream that comes into my head I at [TS]

  the at in late middle age now i guess [TS]

  i'm in many of the x-men central middle [TS]

  age right now my late middle-age come on [TS]

  but uh you want when it happens i'm [TS]

  walking a lot i feel like i will know I [TS]

  feel like all know because because all [TS]

  of a sudden i'll start peeing like a [TS]

  chronic alcoholic [TS]

  no I didn't pee myself I just forgot to [TS]

  pull my sweat pants down [TS]

  I got me going to yourself i knew i was [TS]

  standing at the toilet I just overlook [TS]

  the sweatpants turlet is how you start [TS]

  pronouncing it that i'll be i'll be [TS]

  standing at a urinal in an airport style [TS]

  and i'll be there for 40 minutes [TS]

  that's how I know I'm late middle-age [TS]

  standing at airport restroom just like [TS]

  I'm almost model is done i'm older than [TS]

  Carroll O'Connor was when he started on [TS]

  the family you want want to feel old [TS]

  you're feeling lonely ladies doing it [TS]

  it's the same distance between now and [TS]

  the first Beatles album and the distance [TS]

  between the first Beatles album and the [TS]

  birth of ragtime oh my god it's a [TS]

  difference now between that the burr [TS]

  Hamilton dual same amount as since [TS]

  synchronicity came out and without kid [TS]

  from nevermind haha didn't look good [TS]

  from nevermind play a play the love [TS]

  interest girl on Wonder Years [TS]

  no no I think that getting convicted the [TS]

  guy in the guy in the players and dead [TS]

  kennedys following the courtship of [TS]

  eddie's father what [TS]

  I think up anyway here's my daydream ok [TS]

  walking along [TS]

  listen this conversation pops into my [TS]

  head ok [TS]

  suddenly i'm standing at the at a NASCAR [TS]

  track on an off day and here is the [TS]

  manager I'm talking to the manager I'm [TS]

  assuming there is a manager character in [TS]

  NASCAR trying to the manager of a of a [TS]

  very successful NASCAR team [TS]

  I don't know anything about masker I I [TS]

  think your assumptions feel valid this [TS]

  point I think there's teams there must [TS]

  be managers and is probably off days [TS]

  this dissolve the salt checks out okay [TS]

  good because that because you know I'm [TS]

  making this up as I go and I have no [TS]

  idea why I'm doing but I say to this [TS]

  manager i waltz up let's say i get i get [TS]

  in through the fence because it's an off [TS]

  day i waltz up he's there [TS]

  maybe he's wiping his hands on her on a [TS]

  drag but he's the Manager so he's you [TS]

  know he's got his he's wearing a [TS]

  collared shirt and I say listen I seem a [TS]

  little bit old I know but I'm the [TS]

  world's greatest race car driver ever [TS]

  see the movie the natural huh that's [TS]

  beyond Roy Hobbs of driving NASCAR cars [TS]

  and the manager says we get guys like [TS]

  you in here all the time some guy [TS]

  driving a Ford Taurus the back roads of [TS]

  West Virginia you think your hot race [TS]

  car driver and you want to come in here [TS]

  and bs so get out of here kid and I say [TS]

  that so I figured you'd say [TS]

  and here's my wager and then I pull out [TS]

  a stack [TS]

  I to two stacks of twenty thousand [TS]

  dollars and I say that with you when you [TS]

  snuck through the fence and this is just [TS]

  you know I'm like I'm not here [TS]

  let's take this table stakes in a NASCAR [TS]

  dare well but this is you know it's an [TS]

  off day [TS]

  sure so I'm not I'm not standing at I'm [TS]

  not standing here like I'm certainly i'm [TS]

  not in a boiler suit with my name over [TS]

  the pockets but I'm also not a [TS]

  three-piece suit either but I look like [TS]

  you know I came I came correct right [TS]

  maybe you see a little flash [TS]

  of steve mcqueen Rowling's but you're [TS]

  feeling like this is this is this is a [TS]

  hostile he sees guys like this every day [TS]

  that they haven't rec'd yet and [TS]

  therefore the jackie stewart you come [TS]

  along you slip in through the fence [TS]

  because it's an off day you pull out [TS]

  forty thousand dollars [TS]

  yeah sister two stones two stacks of [TS]

  twenty20 grandi he's not made of stone [TS]

  know is a you know he however much he's [TS]

  getting paid how much do you have to be [TS]

  paid a to not do not blink your eyes at [TS]

  40,000 cash I single divorced i'm going [TS]

  to assume if you're a NASCAR manager [TS]

  you've been divorced once okay unclear [TS]

  whether you've married again we want to [TS]

  be making six to thirteen million [TS]

  dollars a year to turn down that kind of [TS]

  money [TS]

  40 grand but he's you know he doesn't [TS]

  even know you can cash he doesn't know [TS]

  what it's for Ivan Bryce's this is a [TS]

  simple plan money this is this is money [TS]

  in a duffel that's in a tree but it's [TS]

  you know to 40 grand you can hold that [TS]

  in your hand that's what I'm saying but [TS]

  I'm just waving it and I say here's the [TS]

  wager this is so easy that was only a [TS]

  one we talked a little turkey yeah when [TS]

  we double it so I say get your youngest [TS]

  hottest maverick driver out here at [TS]

  which point in the day dream who [TS]

  saunters into the frame but young [TS]

  maverick driver with a sneer with it [TS]

  with a hateful snoozy cocky John is so [TS]

  cocky these are in thin little guy and [TS]

  he's that he's full of like piss and [TS]

  vinegar any walk services what's going [TS]

  on boss and the the manager goes at [TS]

  rishikesh let the guy finish and I see [TS]

  get your cocky driver over here he can [TS]

  take his car you loan me whatever other [TS]

  car you got lying around doesn't even [TS]

  have to be that hot whatever you got [TS]

  this one you're working on right here [TS]

  now if your kid can beat me in one lap [TS]

  so we go out one lap he's ahead of me I [TS]

  quit I quit the game forever and I give [TS]

  him ten grand I give you 10 grand right [TS]

  uh-huh but if I'm in the lead at one lap [TS]

  then i'll give the kid a second lap to [TS]

  catch me [TS]

  Wow huh it's good wager this is so how [TS]

  you turned that like that down right if [TS]

  I'm ahead at the end of the second lap [TS]

  no no wait if he beats me up the second [TS]

  lap I gave him 20 grand u20 but if I'm [TS]

  ahead i'll give the kid a third lap to [TS]

  catch me but if at the end of the third [TS]

  lap I'm ahead neither you get anything [TS]

  and you let me drive for you in the next [TS]

  major NASCAR race always Yemeni as your [TS]

  driver [TS]

  yes of the hot car you don't even ask [TS]

  for the pink slip just saying you just [TS]

  thinking a chance to and give me a [TS]

  chance mr. this is how I'm gonna prove [TS]

  it [TS]

  uh-huh so I had nothing to lose we got [TS]

  nothing to lose that's right just sent [TS]

  me these 200,000 cook dark attract right [TS]

  ok so if i wreck the car in the first [TS]

  lap then you guys what's going riding [TS]

  off this up with you guys eat 10 grand [TS]

  what if he's been looking what if he's [TS]

  leaving when you wrecked the car does [TS]

  that change it if I wrecked the car no [TS]

  matter which place i'm in ok no matter [TS]

  whether I'm first or second that I'm out [TS]

  ok I i I'm not going to like say let's [TS]

  do over get a different car [TS]

  yeah I didn't I was ahead you're never [TS]

  gonna do this again not write bad on me [TS]

  bring another car around so it's not if [TS]

  it's not you know it's not a risk-free [TS]

  wager for him he's risking this but he [TS]

  also stands to make a plan for pause I [TS]

  mean this is serious shit yeah this [TS]

  isn't just about your new career and [TS]

  you're gonna prove it you know what I [TS]

  can already tell by the end of this you [TS]

  guys are going to be buddy solving [TS]

  crimes in a van [TS]

  see what I'm saying I i see how this [TS]

  turns out he's going to admire my moxie [TS]

  and he's gonna end up probably firing [TS]

  the cocky kid he's going to give the [TS]

  cocky kid his walking papers because the [TS]

  guy that came along that understands him [TS]

  a little bit [TS]

  better even though you know like a [TS]

  fellow American knows how to drive this [TS]

  goddamn race car [TS]

  ok now this daydream proceeds from the [TS]

  the natural daydream the day dream of [TS]

  being the natural which I have all the [TS]

  time which is still talk to walk out [TS]

  onto the baseball field and say have [TS]

  your best pitcher throw 10 pitches at me [TS]

  if I don't knock every one of them out [TS]

  of the park then a walk out of here with [TS]

  my tail between my legs if I do then [TS]

  you'll make me designated hitter for the [TS]

  for the mariners ok they're never dated [TS]

  an american league team [TS]

  I don't remember okay there are other [TS]

  the Seattle team they're named after [TS]

  people that go to see ok [TS]

  yes it's they probably got a designated [TS]

  hitter sure yo you gotta have a [TS]

  designated hitter [TS]

  oh yeah we do we have designated do we I [TS]

  don't know I don't you know just you can [TS]

  be a pinch-hitter you get power hitter [TS]

  you could be somebody with slugging [TS]

  percentage point is put John behind the [TS]

  fucking wheel let him show you what he's [TS]

  got [TS]

  let me show you what I can do like that [TS]

  kid doesn't know from moxie [TS]

  well the thing is if the kid is playing [TS]

  the game right right he's gonna let me [TS]

  leave him at the first lab because I [TS]

  just promised him double money at the [TS]

  second of all it's a double-reverse [TS]

  hostile that's how hostile works ride so [TS]

  he's like I got this I got this i'm [TS]

  gonna let him at and the manager might [TS]

  even be colluding with my cake it let [TS]

  him just knows ya at the end of the [TS]

  first lab and then dust him and we'll [TS]

  both walk out of here with 20 grand each [TS]

  I guess this guy thinks he's watched [TS]

  some bootleg movies yeah and you know [TS]

  let's let's just for the sake of [TS]

  argument say he's not going to spin out [TS]

  and kill himself [TS]

  this seems like this seems like a good [TS]

  15 minutes we're gonna spend here [TS]

  well uh and then i came home and i [TS]

  realized that that had that had taken up [TS]

  an hour my day [TS]

  you know I've got I've got seven hours [TS]

  invested seven-and-a-half hours invested [TS]

  it's in the lineup gems yeah i got an [TS]

  hour of the day like becoming a great [TS]

  NASCAR driver but you know don't don't [TS]

  feel bad about that you need to work out [TS]

  those rules [TS]

  I mean for the sake of the bed and the [TS]

  sake of the story you and make sure [TS]

  those does those rules really work i [TS]

  would not just goes up to the fence on [TS]

  an off day without knowing what the [TS]

  rules are going to be sure [TS]

  you're going to get you gotta get the [TS]

  hook in me got it that's exactly right [TS]

  you gotta set it up get the hook because [TS]

  managers like either i see a million you [TS]

  guys how did you get through the fence [TS]

  yeah i'm going to say well I got a [TS]

  certain have certain carriage where when [TS]

  I walked through a gap in the fence and [TS]

  the young person who is charged with [TS]

  keeping people out who looks over i look [TS]

  like there's just something about me [TS]

  that that sixty percent of the time [TS]

  those young people who are working in [TS]

  the security capacity figure I belong [TS]

  yeah right that's what's called [TS]

  privilege yeah I said Here I senior good [TS]

  at you you walk into it anywhere you go [TS]

  you walk in like you own the place [TS]

  that's right and and particularly [TS]

  walking into a nascar on an off day [TS]

  especially on an off day I'm gonna waltz [TS]

  in there and the the young security [TS]

  guards gonna be like and he seems like [TS]

  you don't you know because within NASCAR [TS]

  I'm sure there are some characters that [TS]

  if you say excuse me sir can I see some [TS]

  ID [TS]

  you're gonna get up you know yeah you [TS]

  have your mouth full of fingers in your [TS]

  batch right right you know i am i'm lee [TS]

  Unser jr. I'm I'm max NASCAR dads named [TS]

  after me i'm at my grandpas any cars [TS]

  yeah i'm the i'm stunned the last [TS]

  bootlegger I'm still running shine [TS]

  I don't seem to have identified I built [TS]

  the fence yeah that's right i was [TS]

  running shine will you were still waxing [TS]

  your toenails [TS]

  that's right we're running last set of [TS]

  canada haha oh right yes [TS]

  did I ever tell you about separate type [TS]

  about the fact that really going you [TS]

  don't sleep it there doing legs during [TS]

  Prohibition my great uncle al Alfred [TS]

  ruffner rochester took my dad to canada [TS]

  so my dad was born in 21 right so he [TS]

  took my dead Canada is a little as boy [TS]

  and filled his knickers with whiskey [TS]

  Oh up like like a like classes click [TS]

  pints Yeah Yeah right so you know with a [TS]

  thicker work a nicker yeah I nikkor it's [TS]

  it sounds like a child jodhpur yeah you [TS]

  got a tall sock em and then bend the [TS]

  nikkor starts on [TS]

  meet the knee and then it's a big baggy [TS]

  pant and uncle al filled dad's stickers [TS]

  with whiskey bottles and I think they [TS]

  were wrapped in rags so they didn't [TS]

  clink smart and then he walked him back [TS]

  over the border here at the Peace Arch [TS]

  and dad told that told that story his [TS]

  whole life he was it was a whiskey mule [TS]

  he was a little bit he was a bootlegger [TS]

  even before he could even before you can [TS]

  play the harmonica go did he take the [TS]

  bent boom don't you ask our go yes he [TS]

  did not return that bed down that's a [TS]

  lot of money John the thing is I you [TS]

  know the thing is maybe the manager may [TS]

  be the team that I approach was a little [TS]

  bit underdog team right they've got this [TS]

  cocky driver but they just can't get it [TS]

  dialed in so this guy's willing to take [TS]

  a risk i'm not i'm not going up to the [TS]

  school bandodkar no I'm going up to the [TS]

  car i'm not going up to the one that's [TS]

  sponsored by castor oil [TS]

  this is gonna be more like like slice or [TS]

  or Scott brand toilet wipes it's gonna [TS]

  be a lesser brand [TS]

  yeah right i'm going up to the car in [TS]

  there that the foot of their cars like [TS]

  wet wipes which I'm saying to the [TS]

  manager there look at the sponsored by [TS]

  safe safeway in walgreens generic brands [TS]

  taco bell KFC know that's a big I'm not [TS]

  sure that's a big brand [TS]

  yeah they run a big team but know that [TS]

  so I go up to wet wipes kind of like you [TS]

  want to go to the show like you've been [TS]

  in this game a long time to like your [TS]

  you're Kevin Costner here right here and [TS]

  I'm telling you you're you're sitting [TS]

  here trying to get the trying to get the [TS]

  meat to throw heater [TS]

  that's right you to your tim robbins [TS]

  wait no II the kid tim robbins yeah the [TS]

  kid is tim robbins i'ma Costner of this [TS]

  story [TS]

  OIC they just don't know you're the [TS]

  unknown Costner yeah you're not getting [TS]

  stuck into the fence on an off day [TS]

  looking through the fence there's a [TS]

  susan sarandon with some heart-shaped [TS]

  sunglasses out in the outfield [TS]

  yeah trying to score the game's going to [TS]

  game yep when and daughter and she's [TS]

  calling the NASCAR how many left turns [TS]

  do they make yep a lot for again um and [TS]

  and so this guy's got you know these got [TS]

  some skin in the game right this may be [TS]

  his last [TS]

  here if he doesn't if he doesn't win a [TS]

  NASCAR race he's gonna lose the team and [TS]

  he's gonna lose the team because the [TS]

  because the unscrupulous owners are [TS]

  counting on him losing right right so so [TS]

  so maybe it's like the producers right [TS]

  maybe they're looking for this thing to [TS]

  as they say crash and burn the only way [TS]

  they're gonna make their money back [TS]

  the only way they're going to avoid [TS]

  fraud is a is if the the toilet toilet [TS]

  wipes team goes that it's up [TS]

  yeah they got me they got the wet wipes [TS]

  sponsorship as a form of public shaming [TS]

  of this cold you know like down trodden [TS]

  brown shoe wear and start jumping manage [TS]

  that's the manager okay yeah he actually [TS]

  turned out to have a heart of gold as [TS]

  I'm again jumping ahead too far [TS]

  what I'm assuming is that he was [TS]

  partnered with this callow young driver [TS]

  because the callow young driver was [TS]

  forced upon him somehow either is maybe [TS]

  somebody might be stealing the plot of [TS]

  the pixar movie cars but I think maybe [TS]

  at some point there was there was a [TS]

  death or a danger that I could have [TS]

  prevented it [TS]

  I see that everything is on the line [TS]

  Scott's toilets people on the horn [TS]

  yeah you know he's a shadow over here [TS]

  there's a shadow over him and I'm the [TS]

  Cinderella story that's going to come [TS]

  and redeem all the past failures his and [TS]

  mine using sighs I guess so the kind of [TS]

  the problem is the other day on twitter [TS]

  i asked a question i said you know i [TS]

  just sent it out there to the two [TS]

  legions and I said do you live primarily [TS]

  in the real world or do you look [TS]

  primarily in your imagination and its [TS]

  first and then I know how people [TS]

  answered well no that's the thing i [TS]

  thought i would too but the initial uh [TS]

  the initial answers had a surprising [TS]

  number of people that were like the real [TS]

  world like there's a reason [TS]

  yeah that there's a reason it's the real [TS]

  that's what they want you to think I [TS]

  live in I'm living in the real world and [TS]

  then there were some that I that I found [TS]

  very curious which was I tried to live [TS]

  in the real world like living in my [TS]

  imagination has not benefited me I I [TS]

  work to stay in the world and I was like [TS]

  oh isn't that interesting like I'm I'm [TS]

  impressed by this by this because that [TS]

  of course there were people who were [TS]

  like imagination and most of the people [TS]

  live in their imagination just one word [TS]

  answers right imagination imagination [TS]

  imagination because they're assuming I'm [TS]

  gonna use my imagination to know what [TS]

  the hell they're doing in their magic [TS]

  apply or they don't want it revealed but [TS]

  I had all these real-world people I was [TS]

  like yes [TS]

  wow i didn't i didn't expect it right [TS]

  but then later on I think the [TS]

  imagination people started to wake up [TS]

  later in the day [TS]

  typical write it in the late afternoon [TS]

  they were like me met Mimi and it ended [TS]

  up being I think the imaginations want [TS]

  it but which would you say imagination [TS]

  yeah and I've heard i would like to say [TS]

  that I live in the real world but no I [TS]

  Tyee a vast amount of information [TS]

  processing i do is about nothing in [TS]

  particular it but I said to somebody the [TS]

  other day who was because that somebody [TS]

  in the real world came out me a cocktail [TS]

  party and said I I've heard your program [TS]

  em and I said hmm does that mean you've [TS]

  listened to only one episode and then [TS]

  they were abashed and they said well [TS]

  I've only just discovered and I started [TS]

  listening to it and I said no and then [TS]

  this person's spouse came over and [TS]

  should not listen to the program and she [TS]

  said tell me about this program and I'm [TS]

  like well let me put it this way i think [TS]

  that you have to be very smart to [TS]

  appreciate what my co-host says you have [TS]

  to be very smart to follow what he is [TS]

  saying [TS]

  whereas with me you do not have to be [TS]

  smart to follow what I'm saying you just [TS]

  have to keep an open mind and [TS]

  and she said huh that's an interesting [TS]

  description of a relationship and I said [TS]

  that's all I'm going to say I'm a [TS]

  nominal go have my fourth cupcake at [TS]

  this party just just a little bit a [TS]

  little bit of context what to listen for [TS]

  em right that's right that's right yeah [TS]

  but y'know ya when people talk about [TS]

  stuff [TS]

  yeah but it's always a good time and we [TS]

  went missing about when Matt with this [TS]

  show with everything everything I said [TS]

  now I'm like you know what I care fuck [TS]

  all about the topic of almost anything [TS]

  and I'm much more interested in the [TS]

  people that are doing it so how do you [TS]

  describe here at step one go get [TS]

  interested in other people there they're [TS]

  kind of hard to like now go listen to [TS]

  219 episodes you really gonna start at [TS]

  the beginning but uh I should generally [TS]

  did you like a year to decide if you [TS]

  like it and you know she wants it was [TS]

  once you're gonna hate [TS]

  so that that's a good thing i said yeah [TS]

  i said you really thought you really got [TS]

  started to start something really got it [TS]

  you really gotta catch em all and uh and [TS]

  know what I always say to somebody who's [TS]

  interested in it who is pretending to be [TS]

  interested in the podcast at a cocktail [TS]

  party is you really have to listen to at [TS]

  least two episodes picked them at random [TS]

  you may get you may come up snake eyes [TS]

  you may pick two episodes that both [TS]

  drive you bananas but really there's [TS]

  something in it for everyone and uh yeah [TS]

  most people most people that I meet at [TS]

  cocktail parties or are you know they're [TS]

  polite how the cut looks phenomenal [TS]

  I love this okay what was crazy about [TS]

  the cupcakes and that do not let the the [TS]

  co-host of our other programs you know [TS]

  the one I'm talking about hear me say [TS]

  this but the hosts s of the party said I [TS]

  made the frosting with marshmallow fluff [TS]

  and I was immediately repulsed right [TS]

  because I now have a psychological block [TS]

  about marshmallow and be like somebody [TS]

  like saying i made this with blood [TS]

  plasma yeah exactly like that's [TS]

  interesting i totally don't eat that [TS]

  yeah do you like do you like black [TS]

  pudding mm well that's what I made the [TS]

  frosting out and so they were small [TS]

  cupcakes and I said I'll get out [TS]

  just out of politeness all eat this [TS]

  cupcake i'll make the sacrifice [TS]

  you don't want to hurt the hostesses [TS]

  feelings in a place i can write it gets [TS]

  it it's a birthday party pants on [TS]

  slightly by 81 and you know the problem [TS]

  with most cakes is the frosting the [TS]

  quality of the frost most most cakes are [TS]

  the same [TS]

  it's the frosting that's good or bad and [TS]

  if you buy a cake at the grocery store [TS]

  the the frosting is made out of like [TS]

  five pound bag of government sugar and [TS]

  like a moyel yeah right its lucky take [TS]

  the first fighting like this [TS]

  yeah right bacon fat and a bag of sugar [TS]

  but this marshmallow fluff frosting was [TS]

  exactly the frosting of your the best [TS]

  frosting that you could have asked for [TS]

  butter butter butter butter butter [TS]

  yeah and there was none of that like oh [TS]

  this one's made with sour cream [TS]

  no thank you oh this one's made with [TS]

  yogurt no thank you [TS]

  this one but no I don't want butter [TS]

  I don't want to I don't want sour butter [TS]

  in it i don't want sage in it like go [TS]

  screw yourselves modern people stop [TS]

  being clever with food black stop it [TS]

  so I it for these cupcakes and it was [TS]

  all because that because it's the [TS]

  birthday party was for a child and the [TS]

  child was for I was restrained from [TS]

  stealing more than four cupcakes like [TS]

  wrapping them in a towel and taking them [TS]

  out to the car [TS]

  well but i didn't but it was I had to [TS]

  show quite a measure of restraint [TS]

  because they were great and they they [TS]

  they made me the least they somewhat [TS]

  mitigated the shame I felt at standing [TS]

  at a child's birthday party and talking [TS]

  about my own podcast people I've never [TS]

  met before but I really don't like doing [TS]

  that through the and you know they [TS]

  started it [TS]

  I've listen to your podcast well I mean [TS]

  soon and you know the man the man who [TS]

  said it it turned out his job Merlin his [TS]

  professional job is to score baseball [TS]

  team score baseball games he season [TS]

  surrounded [TS]

  he said but except he wasn't wearing [TS]

  heart-shaped sunglasses or a sundress it [TS]

  is raining down the case in the threes [TS]

  tutus and the what [TS]

  not yeah he said he does he's sitting up [TS]

  in the booth and he's like you know we [TS]

  decide we make decisions i mean the umph [TS]

  umph decides a lot of things but we make [TS]

  decisions about certain things are going [TS]

  to get scored and it goes into the [TS]

  historical record and and people people [TS]

  that are vying for the batting [TS]

  championship have to you don't have to [TS]

  deal with are the results that as as we [TS]

  see them [TS]

  we're scouring the game for posterity [TS]

  it's a game of numbers John Yeah Yeah [TS]

  Yeah right [TS]

  he said as much and I was thrilled to [TS]

  meet someone who was i mean this was an [TS]

  inside baseball conversation while he's [TS]

  inside baseball [TS]

  I'm highlight love meeting people who do [TS]

  things that I don't and and do odd [TS]

  things and I have so many questions [TS]

  because I'm betting there's a lot of [TS]

  politics in that I talked about inside [TS]

  baseball [TS]

  I mean they're deciding how something if [TS]

  I understand what you're saying is [TS]

  deciding like what goes on the [TS]

  congressional record as regards baseball [TS]

  and like that bet there's some pretty [TS]

  tough especially towards the end of the [TS]

  season [TS]

  I bet that's a pretty politically [TS]

  charged job well it turns out all of it [TS]

  is i watch the baseball game the other [TS]

  day from behind home plate because i had [TS]

  a fancy friend who had fancy behind home [TS]

  plate tickets where you're not only [TS]

  watching the baseball game but if you [TS]

  want you can have like baby back ribs [TS]

  and chocolate cake brought to you home [TS]

  again you know it's like fancy people [TS]

  stuff and i'm watching the game and I'm [TS]

  with them with true baseball aficionados [TS]

  and there and at one point so we're [TS]

  right behind the plate so we have this [TS]

  unique view and my friend leans over and [TS]

  he says the arms not having it and I say [TS]

  what he means not having it and and he [TS]

  says the pitchers pitching inside and [TS]

  the ump isn't calling it strikes because [TS]

  the amps the Empress is sending sending [TS]

  the message to the picture that he wants [TS]

  to see a baseball game and I said the [TS]

  pumpkin send a message to the picture [TS]

  saying he wants to see a baseball game [TS]

  Wow and he was like yeah you know [TS]

  sometimes sometimes throwing inside [TS]

  trying to you know trying to brush the [TS]

  batter back like yeah sure that's part [TS]

  of the baseball game [TS]

  you can't just sit there and do it all [TS]

  day this is not going to school [TS]

  that was gonna start not calling strikes [TS]

  because he wants to see that picture put [TS]

  it over the plate and I was like the [TS]

  compass that involved in the game like [TS]

  whoa and then at certain point the [TS]

  opposing pitcher beamed our guy a little [TS]

  chin music uh-huh and my friends were [TS]

  like chuckle chuckle chuckle they said [TS]

  watch in the next inning [TS]

  we're gonna be in there guy yeah and I [TS]

  said what we've been a guy just because [TS]

  they begin to God clean pro quo Clarice [TS]

  that's right don't let them get away [TS]

  being a guy that you gotta be in there [TS]

  guy many empty the pictures I heard them [TS]

  say that i've heard I've heard it said [TS]

  by baseball players I what I did watch a [TS]

  documentary about the history of the [TS]

  fastball and i believe that is [TS]

  considered a strategic thing to do not [TS]

  simply an emotional irrational thing to [TS]

  do [TS]

  yeah yeah right i mean you gotta you [TS]

  gotta do it do it on behalf of your team [TS]

  and also my friends were saying it's [TS]

  going to happen here they were looking [TS]

  at the lineup in there like that guy's [TS]

  gonna get beam and then that guy stood [TS]

  up to the plate and I said you're [TS]

  telling me he knows he's about to get [TS]

  beat and they said yeah and then [TS]

  something went awry [TS]

  he was in the he was in the the box the [TS]

  warm-up box the on deck circle he was on [TS]

  the in the on deck circle swinging his [TS]

  bat with a with like a heavy doughnut on [TS]

  and then the guy right in front of him [TS]

  the one who wasn't going to get being he [TS]

  clocked the ball somewhere and now that [TS]

  now the Mariners no longer had the [TS]

  option of that would have had the guy on [TS]

  second [TS]

  yeah right so they had to revise the [TS]

  plan and by the end of the game they [TS]

  hadn't been to this guy then being [TS]

  anybody and it felt like that was [TS]

  something in them that was something in [TS]

  the to do list that might have [TS]

  interesting as you can't you can't you [TS]

  can't be back [TS]

  a guy by the end of the game doesn't [TS]

  reset you can't you can't hold a grudge [TS]

  you can say well next time we're in [TS]

  Pittsburgh you're gonna get hit in the [TS]

  head [TS]

  well i know that the the adages what you [TS]

  there's no quibbling in baseball or [TS]

  there's no quit baseball there's no [TS]

  question baseball that was your para [TS]

  right there's no question baseball but i [TS]

  don't i don't remember ever reading a [TS]

  thing that said there are no grudges in [TS]

  baseball [TS]

  oh I see I think baseball's fully I [TS]

  think it's half made of great [TS]

  oh yeah yeah it's like you can't have [TS]

  the wall without the the mortar and [TS]

  brick exactly what their specs it'sit's [TS]

  fastback with grudges something about [TS]

  the the Blue Jays the Blue Jays have [TS]

  some hot rod hitter who's a little bit [TS]

  long in the tooth em but he's putting [TS]

  the balls over the fence and there was [TS]

  something when a guy from the Texas [TS]

  Rangers came to punch him in the nose [TS]

  about something that happened the year [TS]

  before [TS]

  Oh interesting yeah now on the field [TS]

  like you got a bit gotta have something [TS]

  going on to get punched on the field who [TS]

  I don't know that much about baseball I [TS]

  know I couldn't tell you what the inflow [TS]

  infield fly rule was don't even know [TS]

  what the outfield fly rule but this guy [TS]

  does he's scoring the freaking game for [TS]

  those of you listening who don't know [TS]

  what that means it means they sit with a [TS]

  pencil and a piece of paper and [TS]

  everything that happens on the baseball [TS]

  field they write it down and adjudicated [TS]

  in the moment is like graphical notation [TS]

  for something easy like you can say I [TS]

  like a as a strikeout and like if it's a [TS]

  two-balled somebody catches you throw [TS]

  somebody out first like every player on [TS]

  the team has a number great wanting that [TS]

  your to his catcher three is first base [TS]

  etc I used to do it was the only way i [TS]

  can find baseball interesting was to [TS]

  keep screaming you scored baseball [TS]

  I'm just fine yeah I i missed out on so [TS]

  much as an American kid really part [TS]

  probably by living in Alaska and partly [TS]

  by not reading superhero comics and [TS]

  partly by not understanding sports [TS]

  yeah things it was it was a trifecta [TS]

  living in Alaska puts you in a certain [TS]

  kind of daylight not reading superhero [TS]

  comics makes you feel I guess not [TS]

  understand the full scope of human [TS]

  possibility including mutants also you [TS]

  you it sounds like you don't know how to [TS]

  describe this up something i'm putting a [TS]

  value statement on it but you sound like [TS]

  you did not have a lot of like close [TS]

  friends right then and now [TS]

  mm um and then I don't either [TS]

  right here 12 years old like reading [TS]

  joseph conrad doesn't make you other [TS]

  friends very very quickly [TS]

  mhm you should be reading superhero and [TS]

  also sports i would stand and watch the [TS]

  sports or you know wouldn't watch the [TS]

  sports i would watch the kids watch the [TS]

  sport [TS]

  and just feel like I've item mean I love [TS]

  I love baseball as a kid but like as I [TS]

  stand here today and i know this is like [TS]

  up either hateable or fashionable thing [TS]

  to say but i just don't get it i'm going [TS]

  to kind of get it I get it any most [TS]

  intellectual abstract way but it's [TS]

  completely baffling to me how many of my [TS]

  friends are super into sports and that's [TS]

  i'm not saying that to be a dick I mean [TS]

  I can watch a baseball game like the bar [TS]

  sports teams in the playoffs or whatever [TS]

  watching it's fun but like it's it's and [TS]

  I really i honestly don't mean this as [TS]

  like criticism it's just honestly [TS]

  baffling to me making the same way maybe [TS]

  that same some people how can you be [TS]

  that into music or how could you believe [TS]

  that into politics more that into [TS]

  crafting for that matter but like the [TS]

  genuine over get the crafting thing [TS]

  yeah you should come back to Xtreme [TS]

  towels right well the thing about felt [TS]

  is it feels so nice it is now so soft [TS]

  yeah yeah I am but the genuine obviously [TS]

  very clear emotional tumult that I see [TS]

  and my friends who follow baseball when [TS]

  I was getting the free baby back ribs [TS]

  and chocolate cake brought to me I [TS]

  understood why you love baseball [TS]

  no I would I wouldn't say anything and [TS]

  then when I realized that the lump was [TS]

  like nope that you know someone's might [TS]

  call that a strike [TS]

  I might call that a strike at a [TS]

  different point in the game but right [TS]

  now I'd like to see some baseball sir it [TS]

  wasn't having it [TS]

  yeah and you know in the I'm a base of [TS]

  the baseball pitcher on the baseball [TS]

  catcher are kind of looking up at him [TS]

  like seriously but they're looking at [TS]

  each other like when he wants to see [TS]

  some baseball so let's give them some [TS]

  baseball but that but put that next ball [TS]

  right over the middle so I had no idea [TS]

  all that was going on because i don't [TS]

  think that that's going on in soccer but [TS]

  maybe maybe the refs out there on the [TS]

  field are our that involved in the game [TS]

  like they're determining the I guess [TS]

  basketball rafts are all the time [TS]

  determining the fate of the that's [TS]

  another documentary i watched about Dana [TS]

  about a basketball referee who is [TS]

  betting on games that he was [TS]

  adjudicating was really very interest [TS]

  whoo-hoo yeah yeah yeahs sneaker Rama a [TS]

  sports documentary can be a good [TS]

  document is a lot of very good sports [TS]

  documentaries on netflix i don't know if [TS]

  you ever got another password for [TS]

  netflix but there's a lot of very good [TS]

  documentaries on their agreed that whole [TS]

  3430 then tastic there's an army corps [TS]

  of those that are amongst the best [TS]

  documentaries I've ever seen [TS]

  yep yep i enjoyed them very much even on [TS]

  the Chicago Bears was really good at the [TS]

  85 chicago bears was like surprisingly [TS]

  engrossing to me what are the Mannings [TS]

  the UI Manning and the peyton manning [TS]

  and the other hand out the Mannings is [TS]

  the Mannings is are there are sports [TS]

  dynasty they all seem like very nice [TS]

  people and who can fault a man I guess [TS]

  is the that's right on their family [TS]

  crest [TS]

  yeah okay who can fault demanding but [TS]

  let me ask you let me ax you [TS]

  yeah this may be another question to put [TS]

  to the put to Twitter okay do you have a [TS]

  lot of close friends right [TS]

  do you mean do you have food because for [TS]

  the last several months I've been my [TS]

  life has been in a certain amount of [TS]

  embroil moment that I've been you know [TS]

  I'm been in the process of that one very [TS]

  short sentence I saw you walk through [TS]

  such a fucking hedge maze [TS]

  oh and BTW do you leave the band your [TS]

  pile and got the landing telephone [TS]

  oilman and when you book but when but [TS]

  when you are in volume [TS]

  I it is sometimes very rarely but [TS]

  sometimes you say hoo boy today was a [TS]

  rough go [TS]

  just just because the waters were [TS]

  tumultuous yep right it's not the boat [TS]

  is sound the wind is in my sales but the [TS]

  what you know there are seven foot waves [TS]

  let's calm their swells out on the sea i [TS]

  rounded Neah Bay out of the Strait of [TS]

  Juan de Fuca and i still remember songs [TS]

  and I realize the sea was there to kill [TS]

  me and um [TS]

  and so I've said on on many occasions in [TS]

  the last several months boy i would just [TS]

  like someone to talk to and I pulled up [TS]

  my address book which has literally [TS]

  thousands of names in it because I'm a [TS]

  social person i know a lot of people and [TS]

  I started scrolling and I came to the [TS]

  name and i said i could probably talk to [TS]

  that person but then I kind of played [TS]

  the conversation out a little bit i was [TS]

  like yeah they're they're probably going [TS]

  to start there it's going to start [TS]

  feeling like they're busy right with me [TS]

  when you're when you're like hey you got [TS]

  a second to talk in there like sure what [TS]

  he got and then you say well yeah I was [TS]

  come on the high seas right now and then [TS]

  you start to feel like they are busier [TS]

  than they let on at first like you know [TS]

  actually I just had a minute and there's [TS]

  a pot on the stove and tonight's the [TS]

  night i wash my hair so I'm scroll down [TS]

  and I'm like I'm playing this [TS]

  conversation out and i am going I'm [TS]

  going I'm going I'm like I'm not a [TS]

  single person of all my good friends [TS]

  can I just done burned myself in of [TS]

  these matters and i know that other [TS]

  people even people very close to me have [TS]

  no trouble sharing their whole kit and [TS]

  caboodle [TS]

  yeah with not just one but a whole [TS]

  handful of friends maybe half a dozen to [TS]

  a dozen friends then it seemed it's like [TS]

  a normal thing [TS]

  yeah well you just calling and burden [TS]

  yourself [TS]

  yeah I've got a really bad toothache and [TS]

  uh you know and something i think a bug [TS]

  crawled inside my penis who and I just [TS]

  needed to talk to somebody absolutely [TS]

  and you know if I had a bug in my penis [TS]

  i would i'd be reticent to bring that up [TS]

  even to a good pal because it's not a [TS]

  it's not a thing that they that I would [TS]

  probably share with them and they would [TS]

  just be in that like tut-tut clock clock [TS]

  posture [TS]

  everything's gonna be fine so I feel [TS]

  like I spare them and myself the [TS]

  uncomfortableness of it but but i think [TS]

  what ultimately that means is i don't [TS]

  know i do not have [TS]

  what Oh a whole bunch of friends that I [TS]

  would then i would think of as and and [TS]

  it ends up being like is it the is it [TS]

  the friends that I don't have or is it [TS]

  within myself a an incapacity i think [TS]

  that is a a very wise and salient [TS]

  question [TS]

  it's not that you don't have the friends [TS]

  it's like do you have the kinds of [TS]

  relationships where that's the kind of [TS]

  thing you feel okay about doing you feel [TS]

  capable of doing it isn't that part of [TS]

  it [TS]

  yeah yeah I mean like I i I'm i have [TS]

  lots of people who like I'm sure I could [TS]

  call and say like you know especially [TS]

  you call and say like I need help with a [TS]

  problem right you could say like I can't [TS]

  figure out how to fix my internet and [TS]

  you could call a friend for that kind of [TS]

  thing a lot of friends for them but now [TS]

  I think a lot of it is inside of us in [TS]

  our own expectations of like what's [TS]

  what's okay to do and it's ya know not [TS]

  nearly as not nearly as much as i did i [TS]

  will say in college after college there [TS]

  was a pretty steep drop-off in the [TS]

  number of good acquaintances to friends [TS]

  to close friends that I have no it's on [TS]

  your college was piqued friendship for [TS]

  me I think premier was high school [TS]

  me I think premier was high school [TS]

  by the time I got to college I was I was [TS]

  already surprised my freshman year in [TS]

  college at how my friends in college [TS]

  were like pals but not i but i wasn't [TS]

  clothes and clothes to them complete and [TS]

  and my high school friends and I were [TS]

  very competitive week with each other [TS]

  and so that closeness was also a fraught [TS]

  with a lot of competition and a lot of [TS]

  like a like dread right you because your [TS]

  friends were the ones that knew your [TS]

  your darkest secrets and they were the [TS]

  ones that were also trying to like kick [TS]

  you in the knee and now is the way that [TS]

  was high school for me and it felt very [TS]

  we felt we were very close we were a [TS]

  tight-knit group who was trying to [TS]

  destroy itself and each other all the [TS]

  time [TS]

  fascinated me know and i got splits [TS]

  pretty normal thing yeah and in college [TS]

  it was just like okay let's go get some [TS]

  beer and you know do some stuff I was [TS]

  like oh uh huh i didn't i didn't realize [TS]

  that that that experience wasn't going [TS]

  to be reduced located and everything I [TS]

  did the rest of my life that Pat never [TS]

  did I i took so much for granted on [TS]

  several fronts around that particular [TS]

  issue around friendship right well just [TS]

  a just the yeah just the relative ease [TS]

  especially with the maybe with the [TS]

  school that I went to the fact that it [TS]

  was small but I mean just the fact that [TS]

  like you are first in proximity to many [TS]

  many peers and you know the the Sorting [TS]

  Hat has made it so that you're around [TS]

  peers who are probably kind of [TS]

  equivalent to you in a lot of ways maybe [TS]

  even more so than nice-looking could be [TS]

  from the same neighborhood in high [TS]

  school but and I don't know there's a [TS]

  funny combination of like people who are [TS]

  like you people who are not like you and [TS]

  you have to see them you have to go to [TS]

  the cafeteria you have to go to class [TS]

  you have to have a roommate in most [TS]

  cases and all of those things kind of [TS]

  make it non-optional to just sit in your [TS]

  room with your flight suit you've got to [TS]

  go out and you've got to be around and [TS]

  then in my case I'm this could be true [TS]

  lots of places but I mean I can't [TS]

  imagine going someplace like FSU like [TS]

  you've gotta join organizations because [TS]

  otherwise how do you meet the more [TS]

  people there are the last chance that [TS]

  you'll make a friend [TS]

  where am i still like there are people [TS]

  that I was friends with orientation week [TS]

  that you know I became like terrific [TS]

  friends with and then you grow with that [TS]

  and but there's no nobody tells you how [TS]

  much that just goes away and now you're [TS]

  playing softball with people from work [TS]

  and you said what what has my life [TS]

  become don't even like wings that much [TS]

  less not sure I do like wings with a [TS]

  good thing is now it's now you've gone [TS]

  it's gone from what saved by the bell to [TS]

  you know a the office or whatever like [TS]

  you're on a different show now [TS]

  yeah yeah you're in 80 Mary Tyler Moore [TS]

  well and and i have the additional [TS]

  problem of wanting to talk about my [TS]

  feelings which I know it right don't [TS]

  like silence [TS]

  oh no I'm ongoing no yeah i know but but [TS]

  that but I but that was like an [TS]

  illustrious of silence not that you [TS]

  don't also like talking about feelings [TS]

  i'm looking about I talking about ideas [TS]

  and i like i like talking about things [TS]

  that that were all equally or someone [TS]

  equally excited to talk about something [TS]

  that's novel in different but most of [TS]

  the stuff that makes for easy social [TS]

  intercourse is utterly insufferable to [TS]

  me [TS]

  yeah and and very little of it because I [TS]

  guess I like talking about my feelings [TS]

  because i'm looking for patterns and i [TS]

  want to i want to solve for x and I want [TS]

  to and I feel like feelings are well as [TS]

  as a my good friend Mike Squires you say [TS]

  John feelings are real and surreal and [TS]

  feelings are real and so i'm using [TS]

  feelings as a way of sorting and but in [TS]

  talking about your feelings you're [TS]

  talking about things that are [TS]

  embarrassing almost immediately right [TS]

  like boy [TS]

  hey it was he feels unseemly to a lot of [TS]

  men now to talk about something and say [TS]

  something real but that's kind of what I [TS]

  mean to talk about something talk about [TS]

  something that you have not already [TS]

  composed a complete and widely [TS]

  acceptable unified field theory about [TS]

  yeah sure [TS]

  and it happens all the time when I'm [TS]

  like oh boy i feel like because i want [TS]

  to talk about feelings about my [TS]

  relationships with other guys like hey I [TS]

  was feeling kind of a little bit like [TS]

  left out of that the other day and I [TS]

  sort of expected a phone call and didn't [TS]

  get it so I'm a little bit my nose a [TS]

  little out of joint and just thought I [TS]

  should tell you do you like it when [TS]

  people talk about that with you [TS]

  yeah yeah because I'm like oh wow like [TS]

  okay brings not necessarily like an [TS]

  angry thing that may be a clarification [TS]

  thing you like when people bring you [TS]

  some things to sort of redress and all [TS]

  over em but it happens so rarely because [TS]

  it is embarrassing and also it requires [TS]

  that you be processing your own feelings [TS]

  in real time so that you know oh you [TS]

  know like i have a problem here it's [TS]

  mostly my problem [TS]

  soso but it's so hard to talk it's one [TS]

  of those things where like there's so [TS]

  many things I wish we could talk about [TS]

  without all the emotional valence and [TS]

  nothing is more emotional valence and [TS]

  talking about feelings so it's very very [TS]

  difficult to talk about feelings as a [TS]

  thing without it becoming this sounds [TS]

  really obvious but i think it's not it's [TS]

  it you can you can talk about all kinds [TS]

  of things in kind of intellectually but [TS]

  it's difficult to talk about your [TS]

  feelings without talking about your [TS]

  feelings [TS]

  yeah you try talking about it as a thing [TS]

  without injecting this understandably [TS]

  irrational blind spot that you have in [TS]

  your heart and defensive nas's the [TS]

  immediate reaction on for most people [TS]

  right [TS]

  I you know hey I wanted to talk about [TS]

  this I feel bad well that's not my [TS]

  problem and it's like well I wasn't [TS]

  saying what's your problem i was saying [TS]

  is my problem but involves you and well [TS]

  and that's and I'm not asking for a [TS]

  solution and after I'm just you know I [TS]

  feel like the solution is probably in me [TS]

  telling you it and then you telling me [TS]

  that that's either a like reasonable or [TS]

  unreasonable and I was talking about but [TS]

  but you know in so many cases the [TS]

  reaction is from people of all stripes [TS]

  like whoa why are you coming to me with [TS]

  this like what do you want from and that [TS]

  and so it's only in your very most [TS]

  intimate relationships where you're [TS]

  forced to learn to talk about your [TS]

  feelings and even that is super [TS]

  difficult but like I have so many guy [TS]

  friends from long long times and i'll [TS]

  say how God here's my feelings and my [TS]

  other feelings are my feelings and they [TS]

  listened politely and then you know [TS]

  there's sort of that moment where you [TS]

  like okay tag now you reciprocate and [TS]

  they go well everything is probably [TS]

  going to turn out ok [TS]

  hey did you ever notice [TS]

  that some you know some girls mothers [TS]

  are bigger than other girls mothers [TS]

  right and I'm like whoa why without you [TS]

  know like i just gave you like all this [TS]

  interesting Grist and they're like yep [TS]

  but I don't run a mill so oh you just [TS]

  gave me a big bag wrist and I don't know [TS]

  what to do with it going to ya goin in [TS]

  the bar and I have nowhere to put they [TS]

  have nowhere to put this Grist and also [TS]

  i think chris is not what you want in [TS]

  the milk yeah oh well you're breaking my [TS]

  milk you know its IP like my [TS]

  non-existent nipple when winter comes I [TS]

  might use this Grist in the dry cleaners [TS]

  coming you know winter is coming [TS]

  yeah I get so so so that always makes me [TS]

  feel ultimately like not that my friends [TS]

  are insufficient because it's almost [TS]

  universal among my friends but it makes [TS]

  me feel like I'm i'm asking too much or [TS]

  I want something unreasonable and that [TS]

  kind of piles back on me like not only [TS]

  do I have these feelings not only do I [TS]

  want to express these feelings to my [TS]

  people and have them reciprocate but [TS]

  that is an unreasonable desire which [TS]

  again puts me in touch with the world so [TS]

  then I'm sitting there like what is [TS]

  their else to do but suck your thumb [TS]

  I mean I suppose I could write a novel [TS]

  it seems like people write novels for [TS]

  that reason maybe yeah but you're [TS]

  looking for something fairly specific um [TS]

  I don't expect gender but i think this [TS]

  has something to do with gender & [TS]

  something to do with the time in the era [TS]

  but you're looking for something that [TS]

  would have fit much more comfortably [TS]

  into i'm going to say the early to mid [TS]

  seventies when a time when it was it was [TS]

  just kind of expected that you would [TS]

  talk a lot about lots of different kinds [TS]

  of things things that could be awkward I [TS]

  want to really get down documentary [TS]

  first part of a documentary about [TS]

  basically the birth of the starting 15 [TS]

  anyway of the women various women's [TS]

  movements that was very interesting [TS]

  about all the different offshoots in the [TS]

  groups and you know who felt left out [TS]

  where and but there's just this constant [TS]

  threat of like talking about our life [TS]

  talking about our life he lived [TS]

  experience [TS]

  and I think that was something that was [TS]

  considered very appropriate and [TS]

  important at a certain time in a way [TS]

  that it's not right now [TS]

  well I always felt that that I think [TS]

  they're absolutely right that there is [TS]

  something like gender encoded in it I [TS]

  always felt like the men of the [TS]

  seventies were talking about their [TS]

  feelings were doing it as a form of [TS]

  warfare [TS]

  well that certainly is borne out by this [TS]

  documentary but yeah it's just it's just [TS]

  kind of its inherent in it you see the [TS]

  hippie dads are like well let's sit and [TS]

  talk about our feelings and what they [TS]

  mean is fuck you you know mines I'm [TS]

  totally gonna get laid for this right [TS]

  I'm gonna get later I'm gonna I'm gonna [TS]

  come out the other side and will be [TS]

  proved right but like what would [TS]

  traditionally all of my closest friends [TS]

  have been women and back before [TS]

  gender normative was a term back when [TS]

  you know times were less poor what were [TS]

  more primitive i used to say that i felt [TS]

  like i had a female mind that I you know [TS]

  that my best friends were all women and [TS]

  I could you know and I was more [TS]

  comfortable thinking in thinking in what [TS]

  I at the time would have called like Oh [TS]

  a womanly way about things I was [TS]

  processing things socially I was [TS]

  probably just have to organization to [TS]

  potentially avoid a minefield here and I [TS]

  don't need to correct you but i think [TS]

  it's it's not we're saying in terms of [TS]

  of like what gear you got under your [TS]

  belt gender but in a more in thinking [TS]

  more like again and yang sort of way [TS]

  right yes I mean I don't more feminine [TS]

  more like open generative what is [TS]

  typically associated don't is that fair [TS]

  to say sure and I don't and I feel like [TS]

  I'm you know I'm I'm apologizing to say [TS]

  this advanced yeah I'm apologizing in [TS]

  advance by saying that this is that this [TS]

  description of my thinking was located [TS]

  in the past so I don't need any email [TS]

  but you know that in contrast to all of [TS]

  my male friends who just you just are [TS]

  glassy eyed when I try to talk to them [TS]

  about this and the problem is that my [TS]

  that my a woman friends who we can sit [TS]

  and talk this way about all kinds of [TS]

  things they're not as receptive to me [TS]

  talking about my [TS]

  I I relationship issues now for whatever [TS]

  reason because everyone is so where were [TS]

  older everyone has partnered off it said [TS]

  it's a different world and there I don't [TS]

  have that same kind of access to you [TS]

  know like a group of women that accept [TS]

  me as one of their own and that we can [TS]

  talk about stuff sort of freewheeling [TS]

  and there's always you know there's also [TS]

  there's always energy and chemistry in [TS]

  those relationships where where there [TS]

  are often feelings of like well we're [TS]

  really good friends [TS]

  Oh feelings from both directions like [TS]

  we're really good friends we talked so [TS]

  well together eventually we're going to [TS]

  fall fall into a romantic relationship [TS]

  with one another but in the meantime [TS]

  let's enjoy this this like closeness [TS]

  that we feel and that's just not thats [TS]

  that's much less a part of my just daily [TS]

  world than it was 15 years ago and so [TS]

  I'm you know I so there is something [TS]

  sort of tribal about it to that I'm like [TS]

  one of the one of the males that got [TS]

  pushed out of the herd a little bit as [TS]

  the herd matured you know like a just [TS]

  sort of an old an old dear that like [TS]

  little by little the social pressures of [TS]

  the deer herd like well you go find your [TS]

  own turf just stand here and watch your [TS]

  stories don't like there's some salt [TS]

  you're a 24-point dear now and they're [TS]

  just not room for your antlers here and [TS]

  and yea big [TS]

  maybe you're 2.2 it's making me you know [TS]

  like I'm just ripe I'm I'm that like I'm [TS]

  in the crosshairs of every hunter in the [TS]

  county so so that's I guess why all the [TS]

  daydreaming [TS]

  did you get a chance to get on the track [TS]

  in my day dream no yeah i mean they did [TS]

  so what happened I mean if I could ask [TS]

  you you kind of left me on help me [TS]

  hanging here [TS]

  did you take the bat sure he took the [TS]

  bed i beat the kid in three in three [TS]

  I posited i pocketed the 40 grand again [TS]

  like without with a with a swagger and [TS]

  in a little way like this 40 grand still [TS]

  here in my pocket like when it comes [TS]

  time when in the race the carburetor [TS]

  breaks and we're a scrappy little a [TS]

  little wet wipes team and the guys up [TS]

  ahead officer like rubbing their hands [TS]

  can go on back [TS]

  haha where but we can't lose you know [TS]

  what they're going to lose and by that [TS]

  we cannot lose then I pull the 40 grand [TS]

  out throw it down on the table and say [TS]

  get a new carburetor right like you over [TS]

  to no excuse [TS]

  yeah go over to the rich team and throw [TS]

  that 40 grand down and that's [TS]

  slicked-back hair sleazeball who runs [TS]

  the rich team [TS]

  yeah it's gonna take it he's gonna take [TS]

  it as a dare a challenge to his own [TS]

  thing and he's gonna say you know what [TS]

  I'm going to sell you that carburetor [TS]

  because i feel like i'm still gonna beat [TS]

  you i'm gonna give you the part because [TS]

  I feel like I feel like when I thought [TS]

  when I do beat you [TS]

  it's going to quadruple your shame [TS]

  because I didn't keep the part from you [TS]

  you know but it's also a little [TS]

  sportsman like to it's in the spirit of [TS]

  sportsmanship so that 40 grams going to [TS]

  come back into the story I didn't play [TS]

  that's that I didn't play the story out [TS]

  that me I mean you don't get ahead of [TS]

  yourself you know when you're ready [TS]

  you'll go to the next chapter [TS]

  yeah so i just i got as far as coming [TS]

  you know climbing out of the NASCAR and [TS]

  the kid you know the the whiny kid is [TS]

  like well it's not fair because he [TS]

  blankety blankety blankety Thursday [TS]

  throws helmet on the ground really hard [TS]

  through someone on the ground and then [TS]

  and then the manager boys the manager [TS]

  put his hand up in the kids faces like [TS]

  you know pack your bag noho right and [TS]

  then it's because he's looking at me [TS]

  he's like what do you got [TS]

  how do you do it at your age especially [TS]

  and I'm like stamina is one of the [TS]

  things [TS]

  just so at this point you had you just [TS]

  made your point you you slink off [TS]

  nothing coffee carry yourself like a [TS]

  gentleman doodoo head out through the [TS]

  fence again don't know this is the [TS]

  beginning of a wonderful relationship [TS]

  yeah this is the beginning of the fall [TS]

  beautiful friendship as they set up a [TS]

  one-year relationship uh-huh right [TS]

  because I'm gonna take this underdog [TS]

  team to the championship ring in one [TS]

  year and then i'm going to disappear [TS]

  again I don't know what I'm gonna walk [TS]

  out walk out of the grandstand and [TS]

  somebody's gonna go [TS]

  hey ace and i'm going to turn around and [TS]

  they're going to say it's probably Susan [TS]

  Sarandon yeah yeah she's gonna say we're [TS]

  gonna see you next year and then I'm [TS]

  gonna like I don't know twirl my fedora [TS]

  or or take my time I stick pin and toss [TS]

  it to her yeah she shouldn't have the [TS]

  scorecard and it's got its got a [TS]

  lipstick kiss on it [TS]

  lipstick kiss on it right maybe I take a [TS]

  sawed-off shotgun out of my knickers [TS]

  fired into the ceiling [TS]

  what up for the whiskey Clank Clank [TS]

  Clank don't know how is flat on the film [TS]

  and there are a lot of population yeah [TS]

  well you know we just discussed [TS]

  spitballin spitball mm this is this is [TS]

  what it's like in the writers room [TS]

  well sure of all these sitcoms that you [TS]

  know I follow so many people that work [TS]

  in in sitcoms right men writing and [TS]

  writing and I saw a picture after the [TS]

  emmys this year of someone i know Neil [TS]

  taken me with about 30 other people [TS]

  30 other dopes and they're all holding [TS]

  Emmy yeah and the person I knew who is [TS]

  taking me [TS]

  I said she can't possibly have also won [TS]

  an Emmy for that show because I know [TS]

  what she does on it and please God [TS]

  because it's not a good program [TS]

  I've never seen the program ok but you [TS]

  can look at you enemies for all kinds of [TS]

  stuff [TS]

  well that's what I'm saying and I'm [TS]

  thinking to myself if you can just be [TS]

  just win an Emmy like all these clowns [TS]

  yeah well I've made a terrible choice in [TS]

  life to not be in one of those rooms [TS]

  sitting there sharpening pencils or [TS]

  whatever you know or or particularly [TS]

  talk about a technical a me [TS]

  or something right i mean why am I not [TS]

  sit enthroned cards into a hat for [TS]

  throwing cards through a pumpkin [TS]

  yeah whatever you're throwing cars [TS]

  through a watermelon and a watermelon [TS]

  and in that room when somebody waltzes [TS]

  in and says you know what everybody in [TS]

  this room won an Emmy because it's not [TS]

  you specifically it's the room that one [TS]

  miami oh IC right the plural like a [TS]

  plural you I'm never going to be in a [TS]

  room that wins an emmy man i don't think [TS]

  you might you might surprise yourself [TS]

  you might you might surprise yourself i [TS]

  see i think i see you as maybe like your [TS]

  guests you're like a guest star [TS]

  yep or karate for like I still think [TS]

  I've said this to you for 10 years now [TS]

  PBS documentary I'm telling you you know [TS]

  all those people whose career in [TS]

  Hollywood doesn't start until they're 60 [TS]

  safety like the grandma moses of emmy [TS]

  awards [TS]

  yeah right i'm gonna i'm gonna have a [TS]

  career of whatever my current career is [TS]

  sure and then at some point somebody's [TS]

  I'm gonna be sitting in a soda shop e [TS]

  uh-huh having a malted and somebody's [TS]

  gonna waltz in and say we're looking for [TS]

  the new lebowski yeah or we want [TS]

  somebody to play the old trapper or [TS]

  maybe uh maybe Silicon Valley types have [TS]

  aged in the next 15 years and now the [TS]

  instead of the trope being like [TS]

  20-something Kalos driving Stanford grad [TS]

  yeah the new trope is so although [TS]

  Silicon Valley entrepreneurs are like [TS]

  thrashed from years of drinking Soylent [TS]

  oh I said he never talking about their [TS]

  bodies ravaged yeah and now they look 60 [TS]

  when they're actually 40 and because i [TS]

  have vitality sure it's women stamina [TS]

  got stamina when I'm 60 I'm going to [TS]

  read as a thrashed forty-year-old I see [TS]

  you can play you can play thrashed oh [TS]

  yeah absolutely i noticed the other day [TS]

  i was walking along and I was trying to [TS]

  imagine being cast in a in a film as the [TS]

  wise but stoned [TS]

  sort of sage friend of the protagonist [TS]

  and interesting right the slightly [TS]

  stoned because that's what that's what [TS]

  makes his it contextualizes this Aegis [TS]

  you can't just have the friend of the [TS]

  protagonist just be a flat-out sage [TS]

  there's got to be something some chink [TS]

  in his armor [TS]

  mmm that that makes you that makes him [TS]

  relatable and so in this case it would [TS]

  be like oh sure he's like some he's a [TS]

  burnout m and so I was walking along [TS]

  practicing my burnout eyes mmm [TS]

  but you know the burnout eyes have to [TS]

  not be so burned out there not like that [TS]

  guy that the the white guy in all the [TS]

  dave chappelle skits who plays the [TS]

  stoner mhm it they have to have the BF [TS]

  have eyes that communicate [TS]

  I smoked a lot of weed but maybe I don't [TS]

  smoke it anymore [TS]

  maybe now I'm just I'm just taking it in [TS]

  in pill form and it's not in its not its [TS]

  not hindering my ability to be smart and [TS]

  present but it has given me insight into [TS]

  the sea the sea writ large [TS]

  yeah uh-huh and so I was walking along [TS]

  as practicing my stoner eyes which I [TS]

  understood to be who lifted heavy lidded [TS]

  but with eyebrows up [TS]

  oh I'm doing it now i can see exactly [TS]

  what you mean so you make you make the [TS]

  lids of the eyes like kinda but then [TS]

  eyebrows up because you're like in [TS]

  you're in it you're in the game you're [TS]

  not just like asleep I browser up with [TS]

  your lids are heavy and then yeah and [TS]

  then kind of you know you're just you're [TS]

  talking softly but it's not it's more [TS]

  like stoner voice no no right you're [TS]

  talking but you have a normal voice but [TS]

  it's a little bit like softer a little [TS]

  bit of little bit of a book fri yeah and [TS]

  you're really speak elliptically and [TS]

  sometimes accidentally come upon [TS]

  something that could really brilliant [TS]

  just kind of slide down here where the [TS]

  room is floored [TS]

  yeah that's it that's it that's why [TS]

  you're there that's the whole reason you [TS]

  get rid of [TS]

  plot to it's not exactly shaggy it's not [TS]

  exactly the bow ski and it's not quite [TS]

  morgan freeman no no but he's like I got [TS]

  this [TS]

  you know I have this problem that is the [TS]

  artificial problem that is at the center [TS]

  of this film sure we need that and and [TS]

  you know and like you're here because [TS]

  you because you're the protagonists wise [TS]

  friend and but it said but here's the [TS]

  here's the gag right here's how I win an [TS]

  award to make a wolf [TS]

  yeah this is this is a serious film it's [TS]

  not a comedy it's not a stoner comedy [TS]

  ah the the so the wise stoned friend is [TS]

  actually like the the the caddy or the [TS]

  limo driver right outside somebody in a [TS]

  in a Drama you let your attorney here [TS]

  the magical negro [TS]

  yeah that's right there's there are real [TS]

  stakes here and uh and i'm somewhat [TS]

  maybe mystical mi really there did I [TS]

  come through the cloud room and this is [TS]

  the clothes and this is where because [TS]

  it's a tech documentary I maybe I came [TS]

  through the clewd who but but so I i [TS]

  have this wisdom but I'm also like it's [TS]

  it's like a good will hunting situation [TS]

  where where maybe there's an Oscar and [TS]

  for me [TS]

  oh now are you are you run Williams or [TS]

  or the are Matt Damon I i think in this [TS]

  scenario i'm robin williams is too late [TS]

  for me to be mad game [TS]

  hmm i had a window I'd a window where I [TS]

  could have been mad and I was to window [TS]

  I was do another thing [TS]

  yeah yeah but now i feel like i could be [TS]

  the robin williams in a film that can be [TS]

  very effective John right i think i [TS]

  would enjoy it enjoy the movie is there [TS]

  are tears coming to your eyes right now [TS]

  a little bit around a little high right [TS]

  now [TS]

  yeah i can try and catch a nap today [TS]

  well I've got I've got one major [TS]

  dramatic thing going on in my life which [TS]

  is that there are a couple of people [TS]

  want just one major one just like okay [TS]

  alright get just one today well it's [TS]

  actually a two-part problem there are [TS]

  two people both of whom so actually [TS]

  actually three people but only two of [TS]

  them [TS]

  ok so there are three people do you want [TS]

  this on the show [TS]

  well I'm I'm I'm adjudicating I'm [TS]

  can you hear you find finding your way [TS]

  through the hedge maze again [TS]

  yeah Here I am hedge maze i'm trying to [TS]

  find the way this is there are three [TS]

  people all three of whom are struggling [TS]

  with drugs and alcohol [TS]

  oh no that wasn't what I expected yeah [TS]

  and three people struggling in very [TS]

  different ways are you [TS]

  sponsors for them as well so I so they [TS]

  have all three of them reached out to me [TS]

  from their various quadrants of the [TS]

  world saying and some of them are not in [TS]

  Seattle but are here in seattle now and [TS]

  all three of them are like I'm in this [TS]

  situation I don't know how to proceed [TS]

  and I might you know my traditional [TS]

  method of handling this situation is [TS]

  like well do you really want to do [TS]

  something about it or just bullshitting [TS]

  me because I don't need it i don't need [TS]

  more bullshit and I was talking to a [TS]

  fourth friend a woman with with much [TS]

  experience in life and she said um [TS]

  apropos of nothing like we were not [TS]

  talking about this situation all we're [TS]

  talking about something else and she [TS]

  said I just feel like I need to be [TS]

  giving back all the time and I need to [TS]

  be practicing the humility of giving [TS]

  back without ranking my contribution or [TS]

  ranking the receiver of my contribution [TS]

  but just like Here I am I'm person in [TS]

  the world what can I do well just like [TS]

  doing with a full heart [TS]

  yeah you don't have to be you don't have [TS]

  to be somebody that I want something [TS]

  from or somebody important for me to [TS]

  help you and i'm not i'm not taking this [TS]

  off I'm not putting this in a bank [TS]

  anywhere and so I took that I took her [TS]

  advice to be a a message from the the [TS]

  Great Spirit and I realized oh I was [TS]

  kinda I was not doing my work I was not [TS]

  doing my job for these three people each [TS]

  in their own way they all came at once [TS]

  and I needed to be more selfless here [TS]

  and actually not say are you serious [TS]

  about this because I've got a I've got [TS]

  jewels to stack right but say like what [TS]

  can i do i'll meet you for me for [TS]

  something for that [TS]

  and uh and so what I have what I have [TS]

  orchestrated is that I'm going to meet [TS]

  one of the people and then he and i are [TS]

  going to go visit the second person so x [TS]

  so x that the the first person is going [TS]

  to be now also part of the operation to [TS]

  help the second person and helping the [TS]

  second person will help the first person [TS]

  on my goodness [TS]

  ok and help me yes so that's in my plan [TS]

  for the afternoon but I've only had a [TS]

  three-and-a-half hours of sleep even [TS]

  lineup jewels and feel little cookie [TS]

  wawa and I'm not sure whether that makes [TS]

  me more helpful less helpful or just [TS]

  maybe i'm just maybe I'm the the person [TS]

  that's in the present the one is going [TS]

  to get help the most you never know [TS]

  maybe that's right maybe I'm the one [TS]

  living in the real world today and not [TS]

  my imagination so a but i really want to [TS]

  take a nap and I'm thinking kind can i [TS]

  fit nap into all of this i don't i don't [TS]

  maybe maybe not sure little shorty would [TS]

  help me look for the 20 minute nap it [TS]

  might help [TS]

  well how do you feel about an hour and a [TS]

  half long now that's the perfect now [TS]

  using our happens it's not so much that [TS]

  matches up with your rhythms you gotta [TS]

  find out what your specific rhythm in [TS]

  the 90 minutes is about what the rhythm [TS]

  is your day like it down you can get [TS]

  down get down get funky getting funky [TS]

  you can get back up right reasons gonna [TS]

  get you [TS]

  mhm is going to get to em and your thing [TS]

  you do is you can put your phone in [TS]

  another room in like airplane mode or [TS]

  something turned off you plug in [TS]

  Michigan some power for the day and also [TS]

  you're not going to line up tools let me [TS]

  ask you this [TS]

  yeah is that real anymore is that a [TS]

  realistic expectation anymore not even [TS]

  started by we fought our phones for a [TS]

  long time [TS]

  yeah we did we it wasn't even much of a [TS]

  valiant fight not not many of us really [TS]

  put up a fight but we fought that we [TS]

  made a game attempt at it we put it over [TS]

  there we [TS]

  shut it off we went out for the day [TS]

  without it but is it real anymore that [TS]

  we're is that a game that we're even [TS]

  going to keep playing [TS]

  I don't know I turned a corner at some [TS]

  point in the last definitely last year [TS]

  probably the last few months I was like [TS]

  well now this is just a thing now like I [TS]

  there's so much stuff I i do I don't [TS]

  want to put too strongly but I really do [TS]

  feel like rely upon there's the one [TS]

  thing of like I need to know if [TS]

  something happened in my little world [TS]

  that I have to take care of right now [TS]

  that's always been a thing I could have [TS]

  a flip phone for that but honestly for [TS]

  things like even if it's just stuff like [TS]

  you know [TS]

  yeah paying for something with Apple pay [TS]

  or for being able to look something up [TS]

  or whatever I I don't know I I feel like [TS]

  for better or for worse it's definitely [TS]

  gone from being something I make fun of [TS]

  everybody about to go well this is kind [TS]

  of the new normal new norm [TS]

  I mean you no not again I don't say that [TS]

  well that's good or bad but I'm saying [TS]

  it's it's not as weird as it used to be [TS]

  i just realized that if Google if the [TS]

  goog look again if the google had put [TS]

  out a phone that wasn't trying to be [TS]

  every phone for everybody [TS]

  it wasn't trying to be all things to all [TS]

  people but google had put out a phone [TS]

  that just googled Oh think about that [TS]

  prong google and put out a google phone [TS]

  that phoned and googled only mmm [TS]

  there was no other app it did perform no [TS]

  other function i guess it just just a [TS]

  good it's almost like this emergency [TS]

  phones you can get like for a kid or [TS]

  keeping your car it's got a really long [TS]

  life and but it's only meant to be used [TS]

  like you see in this case like if I [TS]

  really really need to find Hamilton [TS]

  tickets i do it right now if I need to [TS]

  find where the closest you know I knew [TS]

  the places [TS]

  well because I send my spend most of my [TS]

  time on my phone on you know using the [TS]

  google to to get around [TS]

  sure and I don't need other stuff i [TS]

  really don't i don't need other stuff i [TS]

  can i can interact mostly with the world [TS]

  through cuz I'm just trying to figure [TS]

  out when this building was built [TS]

  I'm trying to figure out what the [TS]

  infield fly rule is yeah I'm trying to [TS]

  figure out who sank the Lusitania [TS]

  somebody somebody actually asked me the [TS]

  other day who I thought something main [TS]

  like really likes that was the spanish [TS]

  well no I mean though there's the [TS]

  conspiracy theorists say that we sank [TS]

  the main oh yeah who do we say sacaton [TS]

  all the Spanish thats persist [TS]

  precipitated the spanish-american war i [TS]

  am of the opinion that it was an [TS]

  accident but I couldn't believe that I [TS]

  was being in treated into the [TS]

  conversation who sank the mean and I [TS]

  feel like that's the kind of thing I [TS]

  mean I don't need google to answer that [TS]

  question but in the course of a day [TS]

  there are just enough things that I need [TS]

  to resort to google that that not [TS]

  carrying my phone just doesn't feel [TS]

  smart because because I used to sit and [TS]

  think like well I don't know how many [TS]

  how many angels can dance on the head of [TS]

  a pin and I let that go [TS]

  it would be now no way to find out but [TS]

  no way to find out is just like well [TS]

  maybe when i get home i can look at the [TS]

  Encyclopedia if I care that much but i [TS]

  don't but now if somebody says how many [TS]

  angels can dance on the head of a pin [TS]

  I'm like I'd sure like to know that now [TS]

  that you brought it up and you google it [TS]

  and the internets never gonna lie to you [TS]

  and then you know and then you go down [TS]

  there we go through the rest of your [TS]

  life going like I one time I did a [TS]

  little research on that i did a little [TS]

  bit already recently i kinda want to try [TS]

  it [TS]

  how many angels can dance on the nominee [TS]

  angels can dance on the head of a pin [TS]

  I haven't I have a group of that reason [TS]

  she gives me a link to wiki it doesn't [TS]

  really provide an answer [TS]

  yeah okay let's say that wikipedia phone [TS]

  wikipedia phone you don't even need [TS]

  google google just gonna end up [TS]

  directing you to a yelp review is a [TS]

  happy meal if I that's right and if i [TS]

  could i think there are a lot of people [TS]

  who would just carry your phone and [TS]

  those were the people i would exclude [TS]

  from my log would love some kind of [TS]

  beacon let me know in their nearby right [TS]

  somebody would like a little Yelp symbol [TS]

  hovering over their head that you could [TS]

  just has a a as a mario brother you [TS]

  could just like blanc them unless [TS]

  they're calling and you know [TS]

  tell their running game and party but if [TS]

  I had just a wiki phone [TS]

  wikipedia from that did nothing else [TS]

  just wiki'd i think i would just carry [TS]

  that I think I would [TS]

  well wait a minute we need a camera and [TS]

  then see the whole thing the wheels come [TS]

  off [TS]

  ah if your wiki phone has a camera yeah [TS]

  then then it might as well be an iphone [TS]

  yeah there are 0 [TS]