Roderick on the Line

Ep. 221: "Riding the Ham"


  hello hi John [TS]

  hi Merlin how's it going well i'm proud [TS]

  to be an American who huh oh well at [TS]

  least I know I'm free [TS]

  oh no I like that song i'm proud to live [TS]

  in the land i love and that gave its [TS]

  life for me was that I guess I don't [TS]

  have all the lyrics that's pretty good [TS]

  song [TS]

  yeah it had it came under fire a lot [TS]

  well I'm trying to you know get away [TS]

  from the way to generate criticism or [TS]

  whatever how it got used but I i like [TS]

  the like the tune the tone the tune the [TS]

  tone i feel like it's been helpful as [TS]

  they got a lot of crazy names today I [TS]

  feel like that came under fire just like [TS]

  just like the man who composed well how [TS]

  I'm trying to say is like the I mean the [TS]

  there's the famous line from the song [TS]

  but there's a reason we sing that line [TS]

  and it's because it's really catchy it's [TS]

  not what you expect in a chorus it's [TS]

  hooky well and what it does is I i I'm [TS]

  tired i mean i don't have the song front [TS]

  of me I don't have a guitar but I feel [TS]

  like it starts on the one chord let me [TS]

  ask you if you did have a guitar right [TS]

  now would you be capable of playing it I [TS]

  haven't been used to be restoring no no [TS]

  I don't mean would you be capable of [TS]

  playing the guitar but would you be able [TS]

  to play i'm proud to be an American is [TS]

  it a song with in your repertoire now [TS]

  but you know how it is when you do [TS]

  enough like playing well we've talked [TS]

  endlessly about playing along with [TS]

  records and how you get a feel in your [TS]

  hands for like when it's 24 and when [TS]

  it's 250 you know that feeling your [TS]

  hands if you like you know what I mean [TS]

  oh right yeah it's like the feeling of [TS]

  victory [TS]

  mmm the green one in the morning [TS]

  Thank You 105 but I feel like I feel [TS]

  like it's probably like a pretty much [TS]

  like a one-in-four kind of cadence for [TS]

  most of it's not it's not super [TS]

  interesting but the arrangement and the [TS]

  fact that it starts on that ago i'm [TS]

  proud to be an American [TS]

  it's it's just a it's very catchy catchy [TS]

  tone yeah [TS]

  it is the day's cachito yeah but that's [TS]

  how I am I'm that's I'm that proud [TS]

  oh that's nice yeah yeah i think i am [TS]

  too good [TS]

  yeah well let's start off this show with [TS]

  some American pride did you get tickets [TS]

  to the private property lose em coming [TS]

  up on four minutes after the hour we're [TS]

  going to talk about pride pride pride is [TS]

  a it's a front topic it is you know it's [TS]

  one of the seven deadly sins is that [TS]

  right yeah [TS]

  pride goeth before a fall huh [TS]

  Oh actually was a technically I think [TS]

  it's pride goeth before destruction and [TS]

  a haughty spirit before a fall [TS]

  is that right yeah i think it's Romans [TS]

  uh so why do I have it was just a [TS]

  condensation of of that it's sort of [TS]

  like a maid the trains run on time type [TS]

  situation I think we just trying to [TS]

  explain that and every time I try to [TS]

  explain that anecdote that you told I I [TS]

  don't tell it with the ferocity and [TS]

  clarity that you do because it it filled [TS]

  me with so much joy it's so great but [TS]

  it's like explaining a pun [TS]

  yeah it's like going to go see if I said [TS]

  you had a beautiful body would you hold [TS]

  it against me see it's a double entendre [TS]

  yes see that they were actually saying [TS]

  that he made the trains run on time [TS]

  it's that now we know that way if you [TS]

  give me that obviously believe me [TS]

  yeah absolutely I I that anecdote made [TS]

  me cry when I first heard it and then it [TS]

  made me cry when I retold it and it was [TS]

  it was one of those things like a like [TS]

  you know that you hear something to make [TS]

  you cry man here again it makes you [TS]

  crying [TS]

  there were there were three or four [TS]

  three or four times that I told that [TS]

  story a where it made me cry before I [TS]

  finally like got right when we got like [TS]

  tempered two questions first of all we [TS]

  were crying in different ways and second [TS]

  is your daughter there no now was I [TS]

  crying in different ways no my [TS]

  daughter's you can take the first [TS]

  question first [TS]

  was I crying in different ways yes I [TS]

  mean I was crying with like i was i was [TS]

  crying tears of joy at the ludicrous [TS]

  business of of humanity [TS]

  I mean it just seemed like it was an [TS]

  anecdote that made me that just that [TS]

  just said so much it's spelled so much [TS]

  it's in line with that the reason i [TS]

  think one reason to keep conflating our [TS]

  getting it wrong in thinking it was [TS]

  Stalin is it's very much in line with [TS]

  that classic black russian sense of [TS]

  humor [TS]

  yeah you know what I mean we talked we [TS]

  talked about this but there it's so in [TS]

  line with that it's like it's such a [TS]

  perfect instance of that kind of black [TS]

  humor [TS]

  yeah then and and yet I and I don't know [TS]

  it just makes so much sense it so it's [TS]

  so hilarious [TS]

  I i am i've been out of coffee [TS]

  Oh to get out of coffee [TS]

  well see this is the thing I don't worry [TS]

  my toilet paper on amazon prime [TS]

  ok I wait that's not i'm sorry that [TS]

  sounded like it don't take the hit you [TS]

  know that's what I can get your attitude [TS]

  copy but surely look at me she was a big [TS]

  ok something like the logicians might [TS]

  call that a non sequitur but what if you [TS]

  know just a little dislocated [TS]

  no I where I had to go to the bathroom I [TS]

  go I don't shop very well or often and I [TS]

  don't here's the thing [TS]

  Oh generally i get my coffee for free [TS]

  because it's in a swag bags [TS]

  oh yeah right right like anymore if i go [TS]

  to an event there they give you a pound [TS]

  of coffee and a pair of like cheap [TS]

  sunglasses and whatever it is indeed a [TS]

  USB Drive ever John I I i have a few of [TS]

  them hanging on the doorknob right in [TS]

  in view of where I'm sitting I can see [TS]

  like four USB drives hanging on lanyards [TS]

  but yeah pound copy is typically the [TS]

  gift that you give someone that you're [TS]

  not paying very well that if they come [TS]

  to to be part of your presentation and [TS]

  so I usually wait around until I'm [TS]

  invited to something like that I get my [TS]

  pound of coffee and then there's always [TS]

  another pound of coffee laying around [TS]

  that somebody didn't want that at the [TS]

  end of the at the end of the event when [TS]

  I'm the last person to leave the [TS]

  dressing room like numbers that pound of [TS]

  coffee right and then somebody typically [TS]

  there are a couple of things that were [TS]

  they give you a pound of coffee and a [TS]

  bottle of wine and I usually stand in [TS]

  the middle of the room at events like [TS]

  that and I say trade my bottle of wine [TS]

  for a pound of coffee LOL sounds all [TS]

  trading places everybody yeah i'll tap [TS]

  tonight so somebody's like what what [TS]

  and so so I'll typically come home from [TS]

  an event like that with with the with [TS]

  the patio but you know bag of coffee [TS]

  like a I'm sorry a bag of bags of coffee [TS]

  and that will you know part of me along [TS]

  until the next event so but I had run [TS]

  out so this could also be a lot of the [TS]

  bellwether that maybe you should do more [TS]

  events exactly right i was thinking that [TS]

  same thing like wait a minute i haven't [TS]

  been to Portland in a month and a half [TS]

  and then portland is famous for this [TS]

  movie i'll give you up a pound of coffee [TS]

  you know just for showing up a bridal [TS]

  shower huh [TS]

  no I've never been to a bridal shower [TS]

  i'm not invited to this but anyway so go [TS]

  ahead you're about to say something [TS]

  no I just did coffees one of those [TS]

  things that I really trying not to run [TS]

  out of ya is one of those things like I [TS]

  mean the obvious once you get your [TS]

  toilet paper and paper towels and your [TS]

  whatnots or your you know milk for the [TS]

  kid that I i usually have one in the [TS]

  chamber you don't want to run out of [TS]

  what not especially you heard that [TS]

  phrase three is 22 is one and one is [TS]

  none [TS]

  it seems like it's sort of good [TS]

  schenectady to the phrase one boy can do [TS]

  the work of one boy two boys can do the [TS]

  work of half a boy and three boys do no [TS]

  work at all [TS]

  that's terrific mmm that's so good i got [TS]

  some grandfather shit right now i think [TS]

  that the phrase that I was citing is I [TS]

  think it comes from the world of [TS]

  material like you know you're the what [TS]

  is it sergeant sale or whatever like you [TS]

  you're that you're the supply person [TS]

  sure and I learned about it you're [TS]

  serian yeah right yes Aaron I learned [TS]

  about it from the Pakistan videographer [TS]

  cgpgrey whose videos I think you've seen [TS]

  and and he says that when you have [TS]

  important things in your life that it's [TS]

  an excellent principal and something's [TS]

  really it's really stuck in my head [TS]

  because that the idea being that too is [TS]

  11 0 and 0 is negative 1 right [TS]

  yeah 322 is one is none and if you think [TS]

  about it in terms of let's say you've [TS]

  got you've got deployed like you got a [TS]

  base somewhere and if you have the [TS]

  moonbase well I could be yeah sure you [TS]

  more than ever more than ever in that [TS]

  case but let's say you've got I don't [TS]

  know arbitrary let's see about three [TS]

  generators that are available to like [TS]

  run the unit need this one generator [TS]

  well you have to basically act like that [TS]

  one generator is broken because it once [TS]

  it's broken you really only you won't [TS]

  have three anymore you have to you have [TS]

  to ensure this gets dead so to get to [TS]

  the bottom of the stack it to one is [TS]

  none which means that once you have one [TS]

  bag of coffee left you essentially have [TS]

  no coffee left sure you're screwed well [TS]

  just from a supply standpoint I is it [TS]

  you know it's sticky saying I like yours [TS]

  too about the boys that's good [TS]

  well this is what this is why i always [TS]

  think uh I always think in increments of [TS]

  four million dollars interesting because [TS]

  if you had four million dollars and this [TS]

  applies to four hundred dollars but I [TS]

  like to think of it in terms of four [TS]

  million dollars because my daydream who [TS]

  write yeah but you have four million [TS]

  dollars you put two million dollars [TS]

  immediately somewhere that you can't get [TS]

  it he put it [TS]

  somebody put into bonds or you put it [TS]

  give to barry bonds he you do something [TS]

  with two million of it half of it where [TS]

  it immediately goes away [TS]

  into some special place where you [TS]

  stopped but mostly in a special [TS]

  unattainable money whole unattainable [TS]

  money hole but but in particular you do [TS]

  that only so that you stop thinking [TS]

  about it as belonging to you to my [TS]

  daughters gone so now you have two [TS]

  million dollars ok so now forced to for [TS]

  us to exactly and then with the two [TS]

  million dollars then you divide the 2 [TS]

  million dollars so that 1 million [TS]

  dollars is in it you still think of it [TS]

  as belonging to you as being like [TS]

  accessible money but it's in it very [TS]

  difficult to play it's like in savings [TS]

  its deeper there's little deeper levels [TS]

  you put a million dollars into like deep [TS]

  freeze it's not all the way into I don't [TS]

  miss any more in your mind but it's in [TS]

  free floors 22 is 12 as one and now [TS]

  within one then you start having you [TS]

  know then you start having the one and [TS]

  into i guess i would put it into thirds [TS]

  right one-third is what you're living on [TS]

  one third is your money and one-third is [TS]

  your money that you are thinking about [TS]

  what i'm going to do with this money and [TS]

  then one third of that you find a way to [TS]

  give it away [TS]

  wow you should write an e-book is that [TS]

  does that is that ebook level of of like [TS]

  think think technology is just my [TS]

  opinion [TS]

  I'll tell you why because it's not an [TS]

  idea that really needs like a 300-page [TS]

  book or like a whole like blu-ray like [TS]

  that is it's a larger than pamphlet [TS]

  sized idea it's a family fun pop it's a [TS]

  pamphlet sized idea but the [TS]

  implementation of that idea is like [TS]

  really that's where the texture is and [TS]

  and but you wouldn't necessarily put on [TS]

  something to Waldenbooks because i don't [TS]

  think they have all the books anymore i [TS]

  don't suppose we're going to sell your [TS]

  gold where those Christopher Walken [TS]

  walking accept that this is it gets [TS]

  guide has been on my ass or did they [TS]

  only sell throw not anything that's [TS]

  hardly a courtesy lab Maya [TS]

  but ah so I my mom a frequent character [TS]

  on this podcast my mom said you're out [TS]

  of coffee [TS]

  she came by the house you're out of [TS]

  coffee she said yeah I know she said [TS]

  bartels which is our locally owned [TS]

  drugstore chain here [TS]

  yeah she said bartels has a sale on [TS]

  coffee [TS]

  it's like 499 a pound for a brand of [TS]

  coffee that's pretty darn good [TS]

  that's pretty good and I was like whoa [TS]

  that's pretty good and she said you want [TS]

  me to get you something I said yeah she [TS]

  said well I can't go to my bar towels [TS]

  because i already got i already use the [TS]

  coupon I OIC she got to wear a fake [TS]

  mustache or something yeah that's right [TS]

  they all know me there but i can find [TS]

  another coupon and go to go to a [TS]

  different bar tells its it's starting to [TS]

  sound like a like a little bit of a [TS]

  george costanza move now uh huh [TS]

  she's gonna go to a different bar tells [TS]

  and and get me get me some you know get [TS]

  max out the coupon for four pounds of [TS]

  coffee this is the folgers no no its [TS]

  like a this is a this is the tight [TS]

  this is beans to bag of beans out of 10 [TS]

  that's it that's a very good deal where [TS]

  your deal and it's you know and it's a [TS]

  brand you recognize but they're not [TS]

  advertising on our podcast so why would [TS]

  I give them or a light totally agree [TS]

  you know what i mean i'd say that you [TS]

  know what you mean do you remember a [TS]

  time when people were taping over the [TS]

  name taping over the word fender on [TS]

  their stratocaster because they because [TS]

  they didn't want to be didn't want to [TS]

  advertise yea yea or their amps and you [TS]

  see you still see it in TV shows a lot [TS]

  we're in order to show reality you want [TS]

  to show everybody using either an apple [TS]

  or Adele usually guess what people use [TS]

  for laptops but an apple laptop is very [TS]

  distinctive not least because it has a [TS]

  large apple on it and so you'll see [TS]

  people putting putting stickers and [TS]

  whatnot on there i mean i've been asked [TS]

  to cover my apple on a video on video [TS]

  things yes I've definitely been told to [TS]

  turn my water bottle in my hand during a [TS]

  photoshoot [TS]

  oh so they don't see that you're an [TS]

  Aquafina man not a dishonest man that's [TS]

  right well you can tell him out of the [TS]

  Sami man just by looking at I want to [TS]

  circle back to that because I got some I [TS]

  got some updated thoughts on dasani ok [TS]

  but the world isn't so so let's see 3321 [TS]

  coffee mom's gonna go to bartells she's [TS]

  going to scare up another coupon right [TS]

  and it [TS]

  mm well so wait I jumped ahead i'm sorry [TS]

  ok let's let's let's go back we don't [TS]

  know if mom has done that or not [TS]

  ok it in the timeline of the stylet it [TS]

  out then i go to a wedding i went to a [TS]

  wedding this weekend where every person [TS]

  at the wedding [TS]

  waiting for them at the dinner table was [TS]

  a coffee mug with the with the emblem of [TS]

  the wedding party has its own kind [TS]

  little mark wedding party had their own [TS]

  brand or their own watermark who and [TS]

  it's on the coffee mug is delightful [TS]

  little thing and then within the coffee [TS]

  mug kind of set in the in the mug at a [TS]

  jaunty angle is a pound of coffee [TS]

  nice a pound of good coffee mm when I [TS]

  walk thing its wedding coffee so I walk [TS]

  in there's 200 people at this dinner and [TS]

  I survey the room and I'm like they're [TS]

  200 coffee mugs and 200 pounds of coffee [TS]

  in this room and I know for a fact and [TS]

  I'm one of the groomsmen [TS]

  oh my gosh so I'm there early and I know [TS]

  I'm going to be there late and I know [TS]

  there's going to be some rogue coffee [TS]

  bag you know people are going to you [TS]

  John you know how this works first of [TS]

  all you're in a position of extreme [TS]

  privilege and in a good way you should [TS]

  be allowed i think is in the Magna Carta [TS]

  I think you're allowed to go up and [TS]

  basically get people's coffee [TS]

  here's the other thing a lot of people [TS]

  are going to some drinks they're going [TS]

  to take off the shoes to get a dance and [TS]

  they're going to leave without [TS]

  remembering to take the coffee [TS]

  that's right and you just you just sit [TS]

  there like a crow on a wire just waiting [TS]

  and watching watching wing it's three [TS]

  o'clock in the afternoon and i'm already [TS]

  planning for 145 in the morning and I'm [TS]

  marking the people in my head who are [TS]

  going to get carried out of that wedding [TS]

  reception on a gurney and I would like [TS]

  wading into who i don't want to forget [TS]

  my local market my coffee nothing i can [TS]

  do that [TS]

  no they're not they're going to be like [TS]

  well [TS]

  Colin uber and I mean 17 that the same [TS]

  arena [TS]

  somebody cut the total that's the point [TS]

  out i'm gonna swoop down and and so I [TS]

  walked out of that wedding at an end up [TS]

  at a certain point the the reception is [TS]

  coming to a close and the staff the [TS]

  people who are going to tear this this [TS]

  party down who are swooping in and [TS]

  they're starting to clean up and they're [TS]

  sweeping up the debris and they're taken [TS]

  together they got they got out what we [TS]

  call that when you are you strike the [TS]

  set [TS]

  they got to get ready for the Abramowitz [TS]

  but Mitzvah that's exactly right that's [TS]

  happening tomorrow morning huh well no [TS]

  tomorrow morning there's a there's like [TS]

  a flower show [TS]

  ok then the bottom it's what happens in [TS]

  the afternoon but they're swooping in [TS]

  there they're striking the set and I'm [TS]

  saying kind of in the kind of been [TS]

  through the the four is 22 is 11 is none [TS]

  yeah one is one-third I'm saying you [TS]

  know I've gotta tie the sum of this copy [TS]

  to these people because I'm looking [TS]

  around there's probably there's probably [TS]

  nine unattended how you know you're at [TS]

  the point where having the one and your [TS]

  figure out how do I spread the wealth [TS]

  that's right that a nice John [TS]

  these guys are you cleaning up the clean [TS]

  up the place and you know and they're [TS]

  kind of looking around like this coffee [TS]

  just gonna the phrase you would use in [TS]

  the cavities is for anyone that's right [TS]

  this for anyone is this is this gonna [TS]

  get bend or is this gonna find its way [TS]

  into my messenger bag and so you know I [TS]

  again as you say i have the authority i [TS]

  have the privilege of being one of the [TS]

  people in a pink tie if you will [TS]

  who so I swooped in i swoop across the [TS]

  room I survey the room and I'm like that [TS]

  one that one that one that so anyway I [TS]

  come home with six pounds of coffee [TS]

  jiminy Christmas good quality copy and i [TS]

  arrived home to find there are four [TS]

  pounds of coffee in my refrigerator that [TS]

  my mom bought with a coupon [TS]

  oh my gosh that is so nice [TS]

  step but now i have 10 pounds of coffee [TS]

  which witch too many I I don't want to [TS]

  introduce triangulation here but are you [TS]

  i'm guessing you're recording from home [TS]

  today [TS]

  oh uh no I don't like asking terms of [TS]

  the the coffee situation [TS]

  oh yes that's right ok so you have [TS]

  access to coffee now have access to [TS]

  coffee and I'm and I'm feeling pretty [TS]

  good caffeinated ok but I'm but I'm [TS]

  concerned I'm concerned about my [TS]

  well-being because now I have too much [TS]

  coffee and I'm concerned about the [TS]

  coffee's well-being because i don't know [TS]

  if i have the I don't know if I have the [TS]

  facilities to maintain 10 pounds of [TS]

  coffee in a in a in a min estate ready [TS]

  now right [TS]

  like I feel like I should put five [TS]

  pounds in a place where I don't even [TS]

  think I have it I got it I got it [TS]

  where is that where the copy isn't going [TS]

  to be isn't going to be kind of is going [TS]

  to spoil it something some way that's [TS]

  the kind of thing that makes me wish I [TS]

  lived in like a rich people suburb and [TS]

  had like a second refrigerator and a [TS]

  deep freeze and all that kind of stuff [TS]

  because that's kind of like your [TS]

  unattainable money hole in some ways not [TS]

  precisely but you know another thing [TS]

  they say out of sight out of mind right [TS]

  and also to really let's be honest a lot [TS]

  like cats wanting to see i'd like to [TS]

  have a look at for companionship [TS]

  it's nothing got 12 cats right so I mean [TS]

  that's not good for you or the cats and [TS]

  in this case the coffee's can be saying [TS]

  what was going on with me [TS]

  speaking of cat yeah I noticed that the [TS]

  latest update of the iOS is Sierra uh [TS]

  yes that's correct [TS]

  do they run out of cats the they chose [TS]

  to do a pivot from big cats two [TS]

  locations in California and there's a [TS]

  there's a kind of a subtle way the date [TS]

  Telegraph how important or big the [TS]

  change in the release is by for example [TS]

  like you somebody is a big deal and then [TS]

  el capitan is a smaller deal because [TS]

  that's just a place in Yosemite who [TS]

  knows how far they're gonna go i miss [TS]

  the cats so I've always enjoyed the cats [TS]

  so do you think there's going to be like [TS]

  an iOS Compton em on iOS launch [TS]

  that's iOS but no I don't think they [TS]

  would I think they're sticking with the [TS]

  numbers but it can be very very [TS]

  confusing and then this also extends to [TS]

  their the different models of a computer [TS]

  of things because that those get [TS]

  confusing names too and so a lot of the [TS]

  human cry right now Isabella oh my gosh [TS]

  what's gonna happen what they can [TS]

  announce on thursday is going to be a [TS]

  macbook is going to be a macbook air is [TS]

  there going to be a macbook pro or [TS]

  they're going to be the features of what [TS]

  we used to call a macbook air in [TS]

  something that's no longer called a [TS]

  macbook air [TS]

  this is some people have podcast about [TS]

  why are you all humans didn't talk about [TS]

  that today you mean well the thing is [TS]

  it's important that i talk about these [TS]

  things with you because I keep telling [TS]

  people when they say what you do for a [TS]

  living again [TS]

  yeah I say I'm kind of I'm kind of in [TS]

  the text fear and they may tilt their [TS]

  heads quizzically and their spouse does [TS]

  to like like a dog that just harmonica [TS]

  and it's a go [TS]

  I'm kind of disruptive within the [TS]

  texture [TS]

  oh and then make up their heads the [TS]

  other one go [TS]

  mmm only Nixon could go to China that's [TS]

  right and so periodically I think it's [TS]

  important that i talk about text oh [TS]

  that's that's a terrific idea [TS]

  yeah because it it repositions me [TS]

  centrally in the disruptive a quadrant [TS]

  of the texts fear right is every spirit [TS]

  is divided into quadrants that's right [TS]

  every sphere has quadrants and over here [TS]

  you got a normative quadrant you're not [TS]

  interested in that there's no future in [TS]

  the normative quadrant new you want to [TS]

  be another disruptive cause a dominant [TS]

  quadrant and then there's the what was a [TS]

  missive no I don't think submissive I [TS]

  think it would be a subversive oh I see [TS]

  you say you're going to the dominant [TS]

  quadra subvert the dominant quadrant of [TS]

  the sphere right [TS]

  ok so that's where I like to locate [TS]

  myself for being located i don't know if [TS]

  you can locate yourself [TS]

  I think you can I think you need to be [TS]

  located [TS]

  bye-bye others by the culture by the [TS]

  conventional wisdom and in order to do [TS]

  that you have to maintain a foot in the [TS]

  in the selected quadrant okay you know [TS]

  what no I'm gonna allow it i'll tell you [TS]

  this I'll tell you one thing i don't [TS]

  like about about Bill Clinton was that [TS]

  he introduced the word grow as far as i [TS]

  know into the parlance as a transitive [TS]

  verb i do not like when people use grow [TS]

  as a transitive verb I don't think [TS]

  detect you don't want to grow our [TS]

  quadrant to see I think that's going to [TS]

  be happening in the in the [TS]

  counter-revolutionary non-dominant hand [TS]

  of the public of the severe well I think [TS]

  what we're doing here fires didn't [TS]

  correct me if I'm wrong but if you want [TS]

  to use locate as a reflexive verb to [TS]

  talk about where you decide to see how [TS]

  about this how about you situate [TS]

  yourself i'm pretty sure all to sarah [TS]

  said you can situate you can situate [TS]

  others and I imagine with a little bit [TS]

  of effort you can situate yourself i [TS]

  think i'd ride to such I think we I try [TS]

  to situate myself within your and my [TS]

  context so then it's like a Zen sphere a [TS]

  sense their spirits fears upon spirits [TS]

  fears all the way down huh [TS]

  I tried to be nice try to situate myself [TS]

  with you within our text within our [TS]

  sphere which is within the text fear [TS]

  okay okay I think I got it I'm situating [TS]

  myself with you as the disrupt or [TS]

  but i am but i think that that that it's [TS]

  not capable [TS]

  I'm not capable of well for instance I [TS]

  don't think you can say about yourself [TS]

  that you're woke oh yeah it's like [TS]

  calling your own verse poetry [TS]

  yeah i think only someone else only a [TS]

  stakeholder can describe you as woke you [TS]

  i know another one thought leader [TS]

  oh you're not allowed to call yourself a [TS]

  thought later somebody else calls you a [TS]

  thought leader you can punch him in the [TS]

  nose but but i think if you call [TS]

  yourself a thought leader you can have a [TS]

  heater problems and let's be honest just [TS]

  because you have one bag of coffee two [TS]

  bags of coffees three coffees bags that [TS]

  doesn't mean you can also have a larger [TS]

  bag in which to situate those coffees [TS]

  these are the weddings or speak speaking [TS]

  events now if you are Steve Aoki can you [TS]

  call yourself a thought leader Steve a [TS]

  key is he the guy in fargo i think use [TS]

  isn't here in electro house musician [TS]

  yeah I don't mean like you I don't use [TS]

  it like a musician in houses were [TS]

  nothing like he's an electrician he [TS]

  might be an electrician like an [TS]

  electrical engineer i'm thinking of the [TS]

  guy that Frances McDormand goes to visit [TS]

  in in the Twin Cities I thought that I [TS]

  steve aoki like who's like weirdly [TS]

  really creepily one sort of cheat on her [TS]

  husband that's a really good movie that [TS]

  is a nice me like that movie i do that's [TS]

  a fine fine movie [TS]

  oh boy like that movie line i like those [TS]

  guys that make those movies becomes I [TS]

  like those guys today there one of those [TS]

  one of that they're they're the kind of [TS]

  artists were like regardless of how i [TS]

  feel about every single thing that they [TS]

  make [TS]

  I always will be attracted to their [TS]

  point of view [TS]

  yeah you know I didn't make it even all [TS]

  the way through health Caesar that's [TS]

  okay it happens I'm I try again but yet [TS]

  really that's that's my daughter really [TS]

  wants to watch it because it's really [TS]

  funny yeah it with the trailer looks [TS]

  funny but we're but that was that it was [TS]

  like not funny it was it was it was hard [TS]

  to watch because it was [TS]

  because they they land so many punches [TS]

  normally throughout their career they [TS]

  have and this was just a swish that [TS]

  everybody in it and frankly I honestly [TS]

  this is hard for me this is really hard [TS]

  for me to say okay say slowly not so [TS]

  sure about Clooney not so sure about [TS]

  Clooney yeah yeah I don't like to say it [TS]

  yeah I don't like to ruminate on that [TS]

  one because I'm pretty easy kind of the [TS]

  Pantheon for me I before me too i'm kind [TS]

  of pro Clooney I go I look out into the [TS]

  world and I go Clooney right if there [TS]

  was a knock on the door I opened the [TS]

  door and there were two people standing [TS]

  there and dark sunglasses in black suits [TS]

  uh-huh and they said Clooney I'd say [TS]

  Clooney yeah right you're not gonna stay [TS]

  and see like no and I feel like I feel [TS]

  like you know a barring any information [TS]

  to the contrary my god is that he's a [TS]

  he's a good guy a good guy right i feel [TS]

  that same way about pit innovative these [TS]

  two guys at the door like Clooney and [TS]

  Pitt Clooney and poke [TS]

  I was I'd say yeah they do my taxes yeah [TS]

  like I i love cleaning but there are [TS]

  there are there's I think ample evidence [TS]

  to say about pit at least there's ample [TS]

  evidence where you could be any one of [TS]

  them but hmm yeah really i just i always [TS]

  felt like that charm that smile [TS]

  he's gonna get away with it there's [TS]

  something a friend of mine likes to say [TS]

  about why i'm not on a lot of his [TS]

  podcast which is that he likes to deploy [TS]

  me tactically which i think is a very [TS]

  nice way of saying he just doesn't want [TS]

  too much of me on it shows which i think [TS]

  is an entirely reasonable point of view [TS]

  it is what you're saying here that maybe [TS]

  cleaning is something we should deploy [TS]

  tactically what I'm saying is Clooney as [TS]

  a comedic actor I feel like that's the [TS]

  leap that we have that we that we are [TS]

  making one reflectively and we need to [TS]

  stop we need to take a step back at ya [TS]

  Clooney's very charming he's wonderful [TS]

  he's handsome [TS]

  is he truly a comedic actor oh brother [TS]

  where art out [TS]

  well this is what I'm saying oh brother [TS]

  where art down is a very very [TS]

  interesting film that will get a lot of [TS]

  people love it's sort of like Moonrise [TS]

  Kingdom no doubt very good or i would [TS]

  even say steve zissou it's one of those [TS]

  like if you don't like the general Wes [TS]

  Anderson deal don't start with steve [TS]

  zissou but I feel like Moonrise Kingdom [TS]

  is one of the films where a where like a [TS]

  fans of the director can differ there is [TS]

  a lot I don't think that's the [TS]

  apotheosis of what wes anderson is [TS]

  capable of right now I mean people who [TS]

  are fans are like this is this is the [TS]

  one right and then there are others like [TS]

  me who feel like no that is not true [TS]

  that is not this is it's not it's not [TS]

  the nadir either but it's like I have I [TS]

  have strong criticisms of that film ever [TS]

  and oh brother where art thou [TS]

  I feel is very similar in the sense that [TS]

  at the center of the movie is an act or [TS]

  that does not belong there [TS]

  uh-huh ate a little bit like CII more of [TS]

  those weirdos that I like the the Great [TS]

  Khan brothers movies that everybody [TS]

  likes and I also i really-really jail [TS]

  enjoy some of the slider films like I i [TS]

  really like the hudsucker proxy a lot [TS]

  and some people removing some people [TS]

  really don't like that movie and I think [TS]

  it's wonderful but in that case is it [TS]

  just is it is it a little bit too coen [TS]

  brothers and that's not helped by the [TS]

  clooney what about later type of years [TS]

  Ladykillers you got Tom Hanks with a [TS]

  stutter I feel like I feel like Clooney [TS]

  is clown and Clooney is clowning clooney [TS]

  is clown in that movie he is Hammond [TS]

  Hammond it up and the thing about the [TS]

  Coen brothers is that everybody's hand [TS]

  all the time in all their movies but [TS]

  they're not smirking they're showing [TS]

  John Goodman it's like swinging from the [TS]

  rafters but he's committed he's [TS]

  committed [TS]

  yes John Goodman is really happening but [TS]

  he's not clownin you believe it [TS]

  uh-huh and you look throughout all the [TS]

  Coen brothers movies who are the who's [TS]

  clowning and it's Clooney's class [TS]

  Clooney's clownin yeah so you can see [TS]

  all the way through [TS]

  oh brother out there which is a great [TS]

  film everybody else is like is all the [TS]

  way in happening there there there ham [TS]

  Virginia ham been having the hand and [TS]

  Clooney is riding the hand all i see is [TS]

  like slim pickins on the on the the bomb [TS]

  you know you don't you don't fly a [TS]

  rocket ship you're right it [TS]

  that's right that's right and eating [TS]

  with Virginia ham you need to be in the [TS]

  ham you need to be the ham have it to [TS]

  hangout ride that that's right so let's [TS]

  go with the ham right you don't have the [TS]

  ham ride you in transitively so if be if [TS]

  your brother where art thou clooney is [TS]

  you know he's playing the role but he's [TS]

  right in the ham ya been at OC old [TS]

  Caesar or hail caesar right who's not [TS]

  even he's just like he's sweating [TS]

  through the oldies if you know what I [TS]

  see how this yes Jackie kind of fake [TS]

  teeth in hail caesar did they do things [TS]

  to make his teeth more funny in that I [TS]

  find feel like yes although when you [TS]

  comment on Hollywood actors teeth i know [TS]

  i mean in a like this is obviously fixed [TS]

  fake teeth sort of like like Matt and [TS]

  Matt Matt Matt Damon uh the kid from the [TS]

  eighties movie chillin chillin in that [TS]

  one movie with the other guy we have all [TS]

  yeah with the girl with the girl would [TS]

  be a few minutes in hair [TS]

  yeah so like okay and I'm kind of going [TS]

  somewhere with this and this is this is [TS]

  a large unified field theory that might [TS]

  be a ham [TS]

  but i'm thinking also think of the movie [TS]

  snowpiercer which owes us a lot of [TS]

  fucking money arm very good movie but [TS]

  till the Swinton she has a character [TS]

  with fake teeth she's cloud in the ham [TS]

  too [TS]

  she's transformed by those 50 she is i [TS]

  think i think in many of these instances [TS]

  the teeth make people a little Clowney [TS]

  yeah and and i think it doesn't always [TS]

  work [TS]

  I'm gonna you know I'll fight anybody in [TS]

  the snowpiercer fight ring you know I [TS]

  can [TS]

  there were interesting [TS]

  snowpiercer is is a series of [TS]

  interesting vignettes stitched together [TS]

  with the incomprehensible like one page [TS]

  the one page of snowpiercer makes no [TS]

  sense of the the four three two one on [TS]

  that is I feel like the first quarter of [TS]

  it is riveting [TS]

  yeah the second quarter maybe half of [TS]

  that and then by the time you get to the [TS]

  end you get to the front you're like oh [TS]

  yeah you really had me ask me a little [TS]

  bit yeah you lost me here I'm I've been [TS]

  wondering that we've talked about this [TS]

  quite a bit like how do scripts get made [TS]

  in particular howdy shitty scripts get [TS]

  all the way to Maine ok I've just been [TS]

  recently watching the very popular [TS]

  television show strange strange things [TS]

  strange strange ways [TS]

  stranger things stranger thing to eat a [TS]

  new password re-establish my old [TS]

  password [TS]

  oh that's good for mending fences yeah I [TS]

  made a that's right that's right and I i [TS]

  watch the show and it was a thing where [TS]

  you know at first you're like is this [TS]

  just a TV show and then things start [TS]

  happening here like this interesting TV [TS]

  show and then a little while in I [TS]

  started to feel at least like there's [TS]

  acting happening here some of what i [TS]

  thought was just not very good acting is [TS]

  good acting then I got you know a little [TS]

  bit like mm that relationship between [TS]

  those people is annoying me now [TS]

  I feel like if I warriors yeah if I were [TS]

  in the writing room I would have I would [TS]

  have done that I would have handled that [TS]

  a little better put a little bit of [TS]

  backspin on that who and then about what [TS]

  would you what would you say [TS]

  four-fifths of the way through i said [TS]

  this had better not be one of those [TS]

  shows where the writing falls apart [TS]

  four-fifths of the way through the show [TS]

  because nobody thought about how to end [TS]

  it i remember getting i want to say into [TS]

  the penultimate episode and thinking wow [TS]

  they have a lot of loose ends to clean [TS]

  up in an hour [TS]

  that's right and and it felt very much [TS]

  like you guys didn't think this all the [TS]

  way through and i'm picturing you in the [TS]

  writing room and no there's no person in [TS]

  the writing room who's sitting back in [TS]

  their chair and saying now wait a minute [TS]

  what why in the universe of this all [TS]

  happening like why or furthermore like [TS]

  not just what [TS]

  but like that that thing has motivations [TS]

  to yeah I know I that that's the most [TS]

  interesting kind of story is that bring [TS]

  the thing has motivation see it's like [TS]

  what you name another just to go to an [TS]

  old example alien and aliens like you [TS]

  know the particular alien it has things [TS]

  that it wants [TS]

  mhm sure does a like so many of these so [TS]

  many monster movies now that the the [TS]

  thing is just a thing [TS]

  ya mean Jason had a motivation who [TS]

  Michael Myers had motivation who i'm not [TS]

  sure about the one with the sweater and [TS]

  the little over four sky with the stripe [TS]

  sweater [TS]

  yeah who came into your dreams and did [TS]

  bad things yeah uh what was his [TS]

  motivation he was be was dream he was in [TS]

  a dream and he's mad i think was a child [TS]

  molester who that throwing a furnace who [TS]

  I think and then he gets in your dreams [TS]

  yeah yeah child molester in first that's [TS]

  terrible ah uh-huh [TS]

  I know I know I thought will meet i take [TS]

  the heat I deserve it but then but then [TS]

  that the the stranger things arrived at [TS]

  its end and I was relieved of my of my [TS]

  relieved of the horror of of having [TS]

  spent a season with this and then [TS]

  meeting to hate it yeah but like I I get [TS]

  it arrived at the end and I went alright [TS]

  television you have you you succeed use [TS]

  you didn't i'm not sure you stuck the [TS]

  landing but you made the landing you [TS]

  arch your back put your hands in the air [TS]

  now it's up to the judges [TS]

  yeah did they stick it yeah now it's up [TS]

  to history to judge you i don't feel [TS]

  ripped off guiding good question i [TS]

  didn't watch lost be ever one time early [TS]

  on we were on tour and uh and a very [TS]

  delightful band we were opening for a [TS]

  for a delightful band and they gave us i [TS]

  pod the first ipods that had TV screen [TS]

  oh neato yeah those are neat with it was [TS]

  that the ipod need oh ok i thought [TS]

  needed came with a sock em so we all got [TS]

  ipod nose and the other guys in the band [TS]

  loaded their ipod nose with things [TS]

  immediately and I don't know how they [TS]

  did it [TS]

  probably online people mover whooping [TS]

  all this on their ipod those are four [TS]

  things now I kept my yard and then you [TS]

  have to use the ethernet cable they did [TS]

  somehow we were in Europe I don't even [TS]

  know how they did it [TS]

  that's a whole different voltage there [TS]

  well yeah exactly right you can't even [TS]

  play Betamax tapes over multiple pal but [TS]

  uh I kept mine in the box probably for a [TS]

  year and then my mom a frequent [TS]

  character on this podcast LOL she found [TS]

  my ipod no in the box and she was like [TS]

  what's this nice and it's an i pad pod [TS]

  and she said oh my now and then she took [TS]

  it and loaded up with stuff she loaded [TS]

  up with the history of indie rock to [TS]

  create a thick and she's been that was [TS]

  pre Creed [TS]

  and she's I don't know she used it until [TS]

  it caught on fire but anyway one time we [TS]

  were driving through Austria or [TS]

  something and i was maybe sick and I was [TS]

  just mad and Eric course on the bass [TS]

  player the long winter said here why [TS]

  don't you watch an episode of lost the [TS]

  very popular television show who on my [TS]

  ipod ipad nido with my papito then and [TS]

  the ipad needa yet no i don't know i [TS]

  don't have the timeline is very [TS]

  confusing to play your sick that was i I [TS]

  IX chap I yeah [TS]

  carrabelle up eggs the American [TS]

  Shorthair so so I got ready stucked is [TS]

  that in the car and I watched I tried to [TS]

  watch lost on this little teeny phone [TS]

  thing in a moving vehicle and I became [TS]

  very frustrated with up with every stage [TS]

  of the like what is this in [TS]

  comprehensible television show it's like [TS]

  I'm watching somebody play the video [TS]

  game missed who but on a thing that is [TS]

  like this the size of a large pack of [TS]

  candy cigarettes and this vehicle is [TS]

  moving through space and i'm building a [TS]

  little car second i was sick already [TS]

  with so that not an ideal introduction [TS]

  know it was a little bit like a [TS]

  clockwork orange introduction my [TS]

  eyeballs were pinned back i was taped to [TS]

  a chair [TS]

  Ludovico technique and I was like I [TS]

  don't want to watch this loss and I was [TS]

  grateful later when the when there was a [TS]

  cataclysmic sigh of disappointment [TS]

  throughout the culture i inhabit wearing [TS]

  hit or inhibit the closer you get it but [TS]

  it makes me which you choose to look at [TS]

  yourself [TS]

  that's right the culture in which i'm [TS]

  located that I choose to inhibit i said [TS]

  haha rules i didn't want your dumb show [TS]

  because I wait and I wait until the jury [TS]

  is in ya and now you all feel like [TS]

  you've been hoodwinked like you were [TS]

  gasps lighted by some people that didn't [TS]

  write the story in advance [TS]

  that's not a thing that I don't like to [TS]

  watch that thing where the story wasn't [TS]

  written in advance i listen to a [TS]

  wonderful thing this weekend which was a [TS]

  1960 interview studs terkel interviewing [TS]

  Buster Keaton in 1962 my god which is [TS]

  pretty interesting to think about it [TS]

  anyways I'm but she was still kicking [TS]

  around at the time he's talking about [TS]

  like trying to release his films in [TS]

  Europe and but it was a of course that's [TS]

  terrible that's who I acted love that [TS]

  guy just love his whole deal and there's [TS]

  just lots of interesting little tidbits [TS]

  and little just really talking about [TS]

  anything about his movies or 40 years [TS]

  old at that point he was still kicking [TS]

  around but they were it was very [TS]

  interesting just talking about you know [TS]

  how you how you make those movies and [TS]

  what went into it one thing he said that [TS]

  was so remarkable was that in this [TS]

  gravelly voice for her from the secrets [TS]

  that would eventually kill him he's like [TS]

  yeah we really know what we would do [TS]

  this we would always we had to have a [TS]

  really a very good start and a fantastic [TS]

  ending and then we can fill in the [TS]

  middle easily but you gotta know how it [TS]

  starts [TS]

  and you've got to know how it ends and [TS]

  they never used the script which is if [TS]

  it is true is amazing because you think [TS]

  about you know today like they're a lot [TS]

  of people who use you know primarily Mad [TS]

  Max famously had storyboards rather than [TS]

  like a written script but like whatever [TS]

  ambitious idea when I put a different [TS]

  time and I I don't have been turning it [TS]

  over in my mind like wondering if I [TS]

  think that's entirely true [TS]

  I assume it is but also think about the [TS]

  implications of only really having a [TS]

  beginning and an end and then that how [TS]

  that governs what you do for the parts [TS]

  in the middle I are you familiar with [TS]

  the author Maria simple she wrote oh [TS]

  she's a blow friend of the guy who we've [TS]

  talked about she's a friend of the guy [TS]

  who talked about she's she's there isn't [TS]

  she the daughter of Lorenzo simple [TS]

  junior so we're remembering that's [TS]

  correct [TS]

  ok Maria Semple yes you talk to you [TS]

  talked up talk about her don't tell me [TS]

  about Maria Semple well Marie simple is [TS]

  a writer she has she has written a [TS]

  popular book where'd you go Bernadette [TS]

  which was a [TS]

  the best she was in the it was in the [TS]

  best sellers fear Bernadette and she [TS]

  just a friend she is married to George [TS]

  my er one of the peaches were just the [TS]

  simpsons yes yes yes and was a he was a [TS]

  writer he was that I guess head writer [TS]

  on the early david letterman show the [TS]

  david letterman show that we all do only [TS]

  love you when you weren't allowed to do [TS]

  anything normal we have guests and hope [TS]

  that they're know that we have anybody [TS]

  who's ever been on the Carson show nope [TS]

  you better you better send the reception [TS]

  is from a drug clinic to the bus station [TS]

  what are you there you there all the [TS]

  high be on TV free peanuts in the world [TS]

  are going to fix that would you like a [TS]

  hot i'm sorry i love that show anyways [TS]

  yeah so sure you duh [TS]

  funny funny kind please learn a dead [TS]

  what am I thinking of my singing that [TS]

  that's a who's that guy there the guy [TS]

  from George in the wheelchair passed [TS]

  away was that guy's name [TS]

  no the one guy plan huh Tony Orlando [TS]

  Tony Orlando let's save Tony Orlando [TS]

  thinking of thick chest alone just not [TS]

  hear the sonic lisburn dad giving away [TS]

  the chestnut were with did a long tour [TS]

  of europe with the chestnut I that was [TS]

  colorful it was extremely colorful and I [TS]

  loved and adored him but I felt like [TS]

  when he died he and i were estranged [TS]

  he's a pretty complicated guy wasn't [TS]

  yeah and there was a bet and then lived [TS]

  in a world of complicated people [TS]

  yeah i surrounded by complicated i saw [TS]

  him at some in noe valley from nineteen [TS]

  ninety thousand time to show there was [TS]

  pretty riveting [TS]

  yeah he's a he was great intense [TS]

  performer yeah people's freedom with [TS]

  lamb chop [TS]

  that's right and that was in Matt era [TS]

  that was in that that exact error that I [TS]

  toward within the lamb chop chop era el [TS]

  nido fact we all played a show together [TS]

  in [TS]

  Barcelona barthelona a small sample [TS]

  herpaderp oh maria semple gave just gave [TS]

  a talk where she was describing her [TS]

  writing process and it was that she [TS]

  imagine some characters and then she [TS]

  wanted and then she decided what was [TS]

  going to happen to them [TS]

  here's what she hears what she has she [TS]

  has the characters and then she knows [TS]

  what she wants to happen to them at the [TS]

  end she was she knows where they at [TS]

  where she wants them to end up and then [TS]

  the book writes itself and I I thought [TS]

  about that she was speaking and then I [TS]

  walked away with it I've been turning it [TS]

  over in my hands over sentence [TS]

  huh you said you know I've got these i [TS]

  got this character a a callow shrill [TS]

  woman and I want her to get her [TS]

  comeuppance and I want to come up and [TS]

  still look like this and so here we go [TS]

  and here's her journey on her way to her [TS]

  comeuppance [TS]

  I was like me that's a that's very [TS]

  different from like starting in the dark [TS]

  and feeling your way toward like 900 [TS]

  pages of gibberish and then trying to [TS]

  filter that down into 10 song at how [TS]

  light the light give creating a fiction [TS]

  book a novel in any way is just seems [TS]

  like such a staggering idea to me and [TS]

  wonder how I wonder I wonder if that [TS]

  process works for more than one book [TS]

  she's describing it as as working now [TS]

  successfully for her through three books [TS]

  wow she that's that's she's got a good [TS]

  mind [TS]

  yeah you need a good mind to do [TS]

  something like that very smart and [TS]

  writing a novel i got i wish i could [TS]

  yeah i've never tried so I don't know if [TS]

  I could take you have to start with [TS]

  short fiction so short fiction I think I [TS]

  friends and Outsiders in Outsiders [TS]

  somebody who enjoys fiction from as an [TS]

  outsider point-of-view kind of seems [TS]

  like that's the it feels like in a [TS]

  really perhaps dumb way that's the [TS]

  training wheels for learning how to tell [TS]

  a story is to write something you know [TS]

  10 pages long before you write something [TS]

  300 pages [TS]

  well I I may have done this because it [TS]

  was very self-serving but a long time [TS]

  ago I said the novel is a is a high art [TS]

  but then the short story is a higher art [TS]

  because you have less room fewer words [TS]

  to tell the entire tail and then poems [TS]

  as commonly would say aren't even [TS]

  further and even higher art because you [TS]

  have now reduced it you have reduced the [TS]

  short story to or the rather you reduce [TS]

  the novel's worth of story two stanzas [TS]

  and then the highest ours is the pop [TS]

  song because now you've taken the poem [TS]

  and cleanse it of all of its impurity [TS]

  wash the filth out of it through and [TS]

  made only the gold only the little [TS]

  shining nuggets and that is why the pop [TS]

  song sits atop the pyramid of all [TS]

  writing as the true condensation now [TS]

  that may be that may be self-serving but [TS]

  i don't think so [TS]

  who I think I i think it I think that [TS]

  within the within the sphere that that I [TS]

  grow I grow the sphere were in it the [TS]

  one in which he located yourself [TS]

  that's right I be the sphere I i see the [TS]

  spear I be the sphere living rooms and [TS]

  within that groans here I i think i've [TS]

  reduced the I budget reduce the sum [TS]

  total of all human knowledge to a to a [TS]

  poster that could go on the wall of a [TS]

  dentist's office [TS]

  I don't think that sounds self-serving [TS]

  know my pitches photographs of furniture [TS]

  that is made on it on the walls of his [TS]

  place [TS]

  no it's much worse it's much more [TS]

  clockwork orange it's why I don't go [TS]

  there anymore [TS]

  he's very much you mean does he play his [TS]

  his sons band over the over the intercom [TS]

  it's kind of worse he's very gregarious [TS]

  nom everyone is it well yeah I mean I I [TS]

  I don't want to talk to the over guy [TS]

  definitely want to talk to my dentist is [TS]

  a very nice guy but there's a very very [TS]

  large screen in your face that is [TS]

  nominally they're so like a kid could [TS]

  watch dora or something but he has his [TS]

  screensaver for a TV screen it's a big [TS]

  big big TV screen that you have to look [TS]

  at because you can either like look look [TS]

  at him while he's in your mouth or you [TS]

  can look at this screen right right [TS]

  exactly Hobson's choice and so but up on [TS]

  the screen is a canny mix of furniture [TS]

  that he is built and cartoons about [TS]

  dentistry that he regards as funny I [TS]

  don't know [TS]

  yeah I can't see the Beethoven anymore [TS]

  I mean it's like kind of blue whoo-hoo [TS]

  oh my my my [TS]

  the Newport home companion yeah ha ha ha [TS]

  tinh know you haven't listened to the [TS]

  old prairie home companion except when i [TS]

  was over at friends houses in mind [TS]

  looking for aa really this is this is [TS]

  we're going with this you did you've [TS]

  never listened to prairie home companion [TS]

  not voluntarily okay Herman what's now [TS]

  hosted by that that that funny [TS]

  nice hilarious talented man who plays [TS]

  mandolin in the band that's not it's not [TS]

  Nickelback used to be a nickel creek [TS]

  that's right he's extremely talented and [TS]

  funny and has made the show fun uh a [TS]

  friend of the show John Hodgman was on [TS]

  this week's episode [TS]

  oh that's fun that is it is fun and [TS]

  they've had great they had lake street [TS]

  dive which is my favorite band i've [TS]

  discovered in 2016 they were on [TS]

  okay good but they're not they're not [TS]

  being too cute about it still got a lot [TS]

  of flavor of the old show you never [TS]

  listen to on purpose right [TS]

  all the kids are beautiful and all of [TS]

  the trucks run on time [TS]

  yep ethanol here at Lake Wobegon at [TS]

  least at least garrison keillor made the [TS]

  trucks run on time [TS]

  well so I am I would consider myself [TS]

  pretty darn good friends with sara [TS]

  watkins chance she's very talented home [TS]

  then she'll be on the old show you [TS]

  didn't listen to quite often she's no [TS]

  cindy cashdollar but she would be on [TS]

  fairly often [TS]

  yeah well she and her brother and the [TS]

  other otherwise it's now hosting it [TS]

  that's right in the other where they [TS]

  were Nickelback the three of them they [TS]

  were Nickelback and they are amazingly [TS]

  charming wonderful tear them cover [TS]

  pavement curl your hair [TS]

  yeah take the cover spit spit on a [TS]

  stranger and sublime they there's a lot [TS]

  of sublimity in one lady subliminally am [TS]

  and I thought when he got that show that [TS]

  if there was a chance for someone to [TS]

  come in and take over for garrison that [TS]

  this always like Hong Kong garrison [TS]

  garrison who he garrison himself in that [TS]

  in that a saint paul public radio [TS]

  building and I thought that there was a [TS]

  very good chance that that would be a [TS]

  success because of the because of the [TS]

  slept sublimity and the and the talent [TS]

  has good taste too and it sounds like [TS]

  it's happened also you can rip like [TS]

  everybody playing mandolin like he plays [TS]

  he plays the mandolin like a genie pages [TS]

  of guitar player is pull offs are crazy [TS]

  but being about the mandolin is that [TS]

  that as mandolin playing gets better and [TS]

  better [TS]

  it becomes clearer and clearer that the [TS]

  mandolin is the mandolin is just there [TS]

  to make it make no clouds [TS]

  mmm yeah Pat Allen who bad mandolin [TS]

  playing is like his mandolin playing [TS]

  that bad mandolin playing is is fairly a [TS]

  musical right because it's someone [TS]

  that's used to playing the guitar picks [TS]

  up the mandolin figures out for five [TS]

  chords and then it's just a really high [TS]

  little little guitar be loop loop like [TS]

  you know like the same setup [TS]

  yep oh no kidding so what do you mean is [TS]

  that the same setup no I don't like four [TS]

  ok but i do think that if you're if [TS]

  you're used to playing the guitar you [TS]

  can sit in a noodle on it and be like [TS]

  well I put my finger here it sounds like [TS]

  that but you know you you make chords [TS]

  you find chords I'm gonna learn about [TS]

  mandolin tunings but as you get better [TS]

  and better [TS]

  the mandolin and you get faster and [TS]

  faster and pull-offs get faster and [TS]

  faster it becomes just that you know [TS]

  that like it's every note all the time I [TS]

  bet it's hard i mean that the tension on [TS]

  the strings is pretty high but you don't [TS]

  get a lot of slack it's not like a Les [TS]

  Paul right it's not like it's not like a [TS]

  fretless wonder it's not like a black [TS]

  black les paul custom home but he the [TS]

  advantages that the notes are really [TS]

  close together and you don't have sure [TS]

  so you have time hands or something tiny [TS]

  hands you believe me [TS]

  Miss Elizabeth notices yeah looks like [TS]

  the opposite of a guitar upside down [TS]

  guitar so it's ji ji Dae GD I he used to [TS]

  throw shit all over the stage all I [TS]

  remember him he's going to cut himself [TS]

  GD yeah cut himself and then smear his [TS]

  poop in it [TS]

  yep something and we and that was art [TS]

  research magazine GG dae I know that [TS]

  seems ukulele John what's ukulele team [TS]

  up to ninja hang on a telephone [TS]

  telephone uq leili tuning I don't know [TS]

  how ukuleles tuned even though i play [TS]

  them all the time because I picked them [TS]

  up and I tune them to the to my best [TS]

  casts oh yeah so all all instruments [TS]

  that I that somebody that are left in my [TS]

  hands long enough for me to take [TS]

  ownership of the tuning who I end up [TS]

  tuning at least in the form of the high [TS]

  for strings of a guitar interesting and [TS]

  did you ask a person before you enter [TS]

  ukulele letter and ukulele right if [TS]

  someone hands me there ukulele and says [TS]

  here you go [TS]

  I do what I'm suggesting is what i would [TS]

  do on the mandolin I would never try to [TS]

  the mandolin but I just said and I yeah [TS]

  I just play notes until I find chords [TS]

  and then I'm like MJ mandolin seems like [TS]

  a circle of hell because you got doubles [TS]

  of everything it's like a 12-string but [TS]

  with the none of the 12 string guitar [TS]

  notes of it [TS]

  yeah a drink that's tuned some some [TS]

  other way and but that's what I mean [TS]

  when I say if someone leaves their [TS]

  ukulele with me long enough that i would [TS]

  take over possession of the tuning which [TS]

  is to say [TS]

  more than overnight somebody if you [TS]

  leave your ukulele with me overnight [TS]

  somebody let you ukulele right if [TS]

  somebody said like hey I left my ukulele [TS]

  at your house i'll be back in six months [TS]

  enjoy it yes i would take over the [TS]

  tuning of it sure would sit and look at [TS]

  this thing and just be like mm canada [TS]

  and so at that point i would tune it [TS]

  like a like a guitar and I and i'm not [TS]

  sure i would even know [TS]

  dge 2gb now so that's just like it's [TS]

  just like it's guitar i get out you know [TS]

  I've got a I've gotta a ukulele guitar [TS]

  that I like a lot to tell you about this [TS]

  ukulele guitar [TS]

  yeah so it's a it's a guitar that's like [TS]

  the size of a big ukulele and you just [TS]

  have it sitting around in the family [TS]

  room doesn't stay tuned [TS]

  not too bad it just uses classical [TS]

  guitar strings basically it really needs [TS]

  to change I've had a frog almost couple [TS]

  years now i love having around here's [TS]

  the ball thing I did [TS]

  normally you tune this thing the ease in [TS]

  a yeah i'm doing right I'm doing drop [TS]

  gee I took down add my friend gee sounds [TS]

  great [TS]

  totally exactly totally baller that is [TS]

  that does sound cool you pick one these [TS]

  up they're not very expensive and there [TS]

  would be ideal for someone like you can [TS]

  leave a key backer he held the [TS]

  backpacker if you're a lock and welder [TS]

  anything like that [TS]

  walking welder we also got something our [TS]

  house the other day that that's a lot [TS]

  like what your what your meat sticks [TS]

  called was called jagermeister no [TS]

  seniors lon Yolanda yauger they are we [TS]

  are we have a new salami product in our [TS]

  house it's like it's basically about the [TS]

  circumference of the key tip but it's [TS]

  made out of salami and it's a delicious [TS]

  three did you snap into a slim jim you [TS]

  don't happen to you get from trader [TS]

  joe's uh mhm mhm [TS]

  anyway it was somebody write somebody a [TS]

  good a good friend of mine a good friend [TS]

  of this program that you might not know [TS]

  okay gave me very generously gave me a [TS]

  basket of laundry eggers boy [TS]

  and said you know we drove all the way [TS]

  across town in our town different from [TS]

  my town and bought these land jaegers [TS]

  and we love you to have them [TS]

  that's so nice it was incredibly nice [TS]

  really i think this is the problem i did [TS]

  not prefer em there [TS]

  not prefer em there [TS]

  and Yeager's to my own land oh there [TS]

  because Langer's you know they can go a [TS]

  lot of different directions [TS]

  absolutely and so I figured like say [TS]

  anything about that really what you're [TS]

  saying is like there's a form factor [TS]

  here we want this thing that's like [TS]

  super comfortable like a husky pencil [TS]

  yeah nobody's gonna make it out of I bet [TS]

  there's a lot of options there a lot of [TS]

  options and how are you going to grind [TS]

  up this stuff that you're going to put [TS]

  in it [TS]

  our season casing seasoning casing m.i.a [TS]

  and so I figured you know these were [TS]

  originally meant to be carried around in [TS]

  the pocket of a farmer for however long [TS]

  for azzaro at in the pocket of a [TS]

  goatherd or somebody somebody that goes [TS]

  up into the mountains and then comes [TS]

  down some indeterminate time later huh [TS]

  and so I put them in my pocket and [TS]

  walked around figured they needed a [TS]

  little bit of pocket curing Tokyo sure [TS]

  and it didn't improve them and so they [TS]

  said in my refrigerator a while and I [TS]

  said maybe what they need to be is they [TS]

  need to be desiccated because these [TS]

  things are are better when they're [TS]

  desiccated but no that didn't help them [TS]

  either [TS]

  and then I would be like that the easy [TS]

  sticking a bag with like some silica [TS]

  packets [TS]

  well i think if you leave a thing in the [TS]

  refrigerator long enough it will self [TS]

  discipline and self test case yeah so [TS]

  that didn't prove them and at the whole [TS]

  time I was covered in a little bit of [TS]

  shame because i like that i like the [TS]

  people that gave me the land jaegers and [TS]

  I and I did consider the supreme act of [TS]

  generosity but i just could not stomach [TS]

  these Landers and eventually they went [TS]

  down the river [TS]

  mmm yeah which was you know terrible i [TS]

  just want their land Yeager for the [TS]

  first time it's bigger than I thought it [TS]

  would be it's not a slim jim it really [TS]

  old like it's like a small-ish like [TS]

  legitimate sausage [TS]

  yeah it's a it well and the more that [TS]

  the the more that the moisture goes out [TS]

  of it the more it becomes it's like if [TS]

  you're let's see it's bigger than your [TS]

  finger [TS]

  yeah it's bigger than its like if you [TS]

  took a candle your typical candle em you [TS]

  burned it for an hour and then you a [TS]

  it around in your pocket okay for a [TS]

  couple of weeks and I mean like it's on [TS]

  stage and pocket candle its that's right [TS]

  it's a candle that has had wax dripped [TS]

  down the side of it from having burned [TS]

  for an hour and then you took it out and [TS]

  carried around your pocket for let's say [TS]

  the length of time it took you to get [TS]

  these goats over the mountain but it [TS]

  matches the performance characteristics [TS]

  you look for in this kind of thing it's [TS]

  not like you're going to carry around [TS]

  like what like poached eggs or porridge [TS]

  in your pocket and you need something [TS]

  portable something's gonna be Hardy that [TS]

  idiotic let's be honest if you fall off [TS]

  the tractor it's not gonna ruin your [TS]

  lunch [TS]

  well sure a it's it's like if you could [TS]

  carry a pickle in your pocket I'd love [TS]

  that a little pickle [TS]

  yeah you can't carry a pickle in your [TS]

  pocket it's going to get your that the [TS]

  the brine is going to give you a rash [TS]

  oh that's a shame but al and Yeager's [TS]

  not going to give you a rash who and [TS]

  it's um yeah I carry them around the [TS]

  thing about beef jerky is beef jerky [TS]

  gets its hard to eat get stuck in your [TS]

  teeth [TS]

  yeah it isn't it is this a little more [TS]

  moist to desiccate it as it is a little [TS]

  more moist and jerky [TS]

  absolutely it snaps my guests like a [TS]

  slim jim [TS]

  there's more to it it doesn't involve [TS]

  any kind of pro-wrestling element [TS]

  yeah I understand when you bite into it [TS]

  you imagine I mean like if this was a [TS]

  television commercial and I've never [TS]

  seen a commercial for land taker but if [TS]

  this was a television commercial [TS]

  I'd be like a guy just a normal guy [TS]

  walking around his normal guy clothes [TS]

  and then I'd snap into a land jager [TS]

  instantly i will be wearing lederhosen [TS]

  what you want italian hat and I Rowland [TS]

  had and I would go world and the the [TS]

  commercial the tagline would be land [TS]

  eager turns you into a tyro lien em they [TS]

  can I workshop that little more hit land [TS]

  jager welcome to garmisch-partenkirchen [TS]

  mm and that well yeah okay so that's not [TS]

  a great i'm looking at him right now and [TS]

  they they look they look really to some [TS]

  you've never had you never have I don't [TS]

  know if I have I have I forgot it [TS]

  you have to go find the Bavarian butcher [TS]

  shop either like the Bavarian quarter of [TS]

  the sphere go to the Bavarian quarter [TS]

  well yeah san Francisco's famous [TS]

  Bavarian court who which is right over [TS]

  there by italian town and yeah you walk [TS]

  the streets and you you [TS]

  yo for landecker that's the phrase you [TS]

  know for Yeager y'all for a jager didn't [TS]

  want to tell you addicted [TS]

  yeah oh he's more local la you get he go [TS]

  la de cola i think that the the process [TS]

  of making and jager kills ecoline I'm [TS]

  gonna just come right out and say [TS]

  whatever you you want my friends food [TS]

  podcast right direction that is not [TS]

  gonna he may agree or disagree [TS]

  uh-huh you make that he's got a lot of [TS]

  thoughts he doesn't get the consensus on [TS]

  that podcast seem to be everything you [TS]

  put in your mouth there is an element of [TS]

  risk and all we can do as eaters is to [TS]

  measure the risk and bite into those [TS]

  things where we've determined that the [TS]

  risk is manageable life would be so much [TS]

  better if we acknowledge that that's the [TS]

  way everything is yeah i think that [TS]

  there is not an inherent risk in things [TS]

  that causes problems everything is risky [TS]

  everything is risky just haven't [TS]

  quantified yet yeah that's why anxious [TS]

  people are technically right [TS]

  hello um and so capacity Podsednik be [TS]

  technically right about time how I [TS]

  you're technically right little the [TS]

  capacity to live in the world is [TS]

  determined by your ability to or we're [TS]

  on the sliding scale of risk management [TS]

  you're gonna you're gonna put the marker [TS]

  where you say this is the amount of risk [TS]

  I'm willing to take em and my risk [TS]

  marker is way out [TS]

  I think relative to others I'm going to [TS]

  take a lot of risk not knowing that [TS]

  knowing that everything could everything [TS]

  can potentially kill you [TS]

  I mean I have a basket full of swords in [TS]

  this house yeah which is not when you [TS]

  know when my child was born and there [TS]

  was all that all that talk in the [TS]

  culture of the people who were around me [TS]

  at the time who were helping me make [TS]

  manage the transition between not having [TS]

  a child in my house and having a child [TS]

  in my house I think they would if they [TS]

  had known about the basket of swords [TS]

  they would have said you need to get [TS]

  that out of here called baby-proofing [TS]

  yeah baby proofing your house they put [TS]

  they were telling me I should put things [TS]

  in the electrical outlets right now [TS]

  should take all the cleaning supplies [TS]

  out from under the sink and all the [TS]

  things we supposed to do they don't even [TS]

  do that they don't even didn't know [TS]

  about the basket swords I didn't really [TS]

  baby proof my house I house proof my [TS]

  baby that's a smart but what I did do [TS]

  was I took all of the vintage a [TS]

  barristers both cases out of what became [TS]

  the baby's room because that the glass [TS]

  in the front of those cases is fairly [TS]

  thin [TS]

  oh yeah me and it's not exactly like [TS]

  shatterproof and I said maybe I should [TS]

  transform this library that is now the [TS]

  baby's room into an actual baby's room [TS]

  and take all the things that could kill [TS]

  her out of here and i moved all of my [TS]

  vintage poisons to higher shelves in to [TS]

  outsmart the SMART we just I think as [TS]

  far as i know i've removed as of this [TS]

  weekend i remove the last piece of [TS]

  baby-proofing we unintentionally kept [TS]

  around it's all going to what we will be [TS]

  doing for years so it starts out with [TS]

  the first thing you got to get rid of is [TS]

  that bullshit that makes it hard to open [TS]

  things so write it like the things that [TS]

  keep your poison drawer like I know you [TS]

  don't have this with your vintage [TS]

  poisons but a lot of times you put some [TS]

  kind of a clasp on there we got to know [TS]

  the secret knock to get into where the [TS]

  windex is and and you take those [TS]

  officers you can cause that's the worst [TS]

  because you're living with that every [TS]

  day and then eventually like the [TS]

  doorknob things that won't let you lock [TS]

  a door and that's the kind of stuff you [TS]

  get those off but I finally took off the [TS]

  last one it was a safety because it [TS]

  didn't matter that it was an inert form [TS]

  of baby-proofing that we didn't need to [TS]

  worry about [TS]

  it's one of those things where you put [TS]

  it over a lights ah look at little to [TS]

  pick knows light outlet power outlet and [TS]

  allows you to snap a cover onto it so [TS]

  you can still have stuff [TS]

  yeah so I remove that so we could put [TS]

  the the cat the cat relaxing diffuser [TS]

  into their without bumping up against [TS]

  the edges of the plastic you have a you [TS]

  have some kind of electric device that [TS]

  diffuses your cat with two electric [TS]

  devices in our house [TS]

  that uh that dispensed through the [TS]

  diffusion method defuse a chemical into [TS]

  the air that relaxes the cat haha I [TS]

  couldn't do that when is baby-proofed so [TS]

  it's like a febreze for cats [TS]

  mhm it's a febreze for cats emotions [TS]

  abroad for cata motion for brees does it [TS]

  does it counteract the triska dekha [TS]

  plasmosis [TS]

  oh right thing we don't eat the poop [TS]

  because they don't let ya have trusted [TS]

  your cat lover [TS]

  yeah yeah I don't know I I can't tell [TS]

  this is again this is one of those you [TS]

  know one of those things where you can [TS]

  it's hard to tell if it works you know [TS]

  whether the guy says they were guess [TS]

  what he doing he says I'm here scare [TS]

  away the alligators and mrs. there's no [TS]

  alligators here is to see it's working [TS]

  its work so we got two of these and we [TS]

  within a week we noticed the cats seem [TS]

  calmer so it's difficult we don't have a [TS]

  control cat once again we're back to [TS]

  that old problem there's no control [TS]

  group does your cap suffering from [TS]

  anxiety sure she does she's very [TS]

  skittish I see and I think she does it [TS]

  on purpose to provoke me she's been [TS]

  living with us since februari and she [TS]

  knows that we walk through the house [TS]

  yeah we walked through the house on a [TS]

  regular basis and so he's just got that [TS]

  that stands in the hallway and she [TS]

  stares she stares into something in a [TS]

  state of readiness she at first she just [TS]

  kinda looks like some kind of hairy cake [TS]

  and she just sits there and then she [TS]

  looks at me and her face is like [TS]

  what-what and I walk a little bit and [TS]

  she was into a ready position and then [TS]

  she starts walking in the direction that [TS]

  she knows that I am walking one step in [TS]

  front of me she stops acts terrified [TS]

  jumps a little bit to where she knows [TS]

  I'm gonna walk more than does kind of a [TS]

  180 and starts running in abject fear [TS]

  and does this keep your because it [TS]

  doesn't impede establishing a gentle [TS]

  pace for you are you are you saying oh [TS]

  you're trying not to step on her you're [TS]

  trying your like I'm also kind of [TS]

  startled now just one thing you know [TS]

  about me John you notice that I like [TS]

  velocity this it's important to me to [TS]

  get in motion [TS]

  you can't stay in motion until you get [TS]

  in motion right this is not addressed [TS]

  because a trap it's very hard to get out [TS]

  of the house on a weekend morning [TS]

  because I [TS]

  velocity in the form of my child she [TS]

  will not allow me to have any velocity [TS]

  until at least 12 30 so it's like you [TS]

  know you gotta get the shoes we gotta do [TS]

  the thing we got to go do that thing [TS]

  that you're cranking up an old air raid [TS]

  siren like and the cat she knows what [TS]

  she's doing she knows which and then and [TS]

  then at night as she comes into powder [TS]

  for two hours so that's we have a very [TS]

  good relationship but but now I think [TS]

  she's just I think she's just frightened [TS]

  ham to be honest [TS]

  yeah you don't mean I think I think she [TS]

  knows what she's doing at some point in [TS]

  the nineteen eighties my mom was in the [TS]

  1960s my mom raised board boys and a and [TS]

  considers herself that my mom is a [TS]

  frequent character on this podcast she [TS]

  considered herself to your grant or [TS]

  something is there we should get maybe [TS]

  like some kind of macarthur thing [TS]

  yeah pell grant or a parent talk for a [TS]

  witness [TS]

  um huh [TS]

  she raised boys and I and I think maybe [TS]

  not in accurately credits herself partly [TS]

  with reestablishing the borzoi as a as a [TS]

  viable breed in the Americas [TS]

  wow just the boys were were fairly [TS]

  endangered because at during the Russian [TS]

  Revolution the the Russian peoples the [TS]

  revolutionary Russian peoples killed the [TS]

  board boys all mass because they were [TS]

  the dogs of these ours all those is he [TS]

  had killed a symbol [TS]

  yeah kill the simple kill the dogs of [TS]

  the Czar's and so the the borzoi only [TS]

  survived in the population of boys that [TS]

  had been given to other Kings as gifts [TS]

  but czars and so my mom raised boys and [TS]

  sold borzoi pups to the people who are [TS]

  now credited with having re-establish [TS]

  the breeds for the breed so she so she [TS]

  reads the history of the borzoi in [TS]

  America as you do [TS]

  who and it sort of goes back to the [TS]

  Johnson family and the percocet family [TS]

  or whatever sure that then percocet the [TS]

  percocet boys [TS]

  yeah then the New England percocets okay [TS]

  uh and it's the Walla Walla Walla [TS]

  mhm and she says you know what I sold [TS]

  three puppies to the to the New England [TS]

  percocets and that's that's where they [TS]

  got their dogs right so another coming [TS]

  back to the well that's right the [TS]

  percocets are coming up dry and they [TS]

  have to go outside New England to find a [TS]

  borzoi now and they're going to call [TS]

  oh no I think that it was the i think [TS]

  it's it's even earlier than that I think [TS]

  they were sitting up there in New [TS]

  England and they were reading a magazine [TS]

  and they said oh we want boys [TS]

  I and my mom had the had one of the few [TS]

  populations I ok I get it [TS]

  this is in the sixties so she connects [TS]

  with all the credit but they weren't [TS]

  really on the boys I'm a flower like [TS]

  your mom was that's right that's right [TS]

  she's the she's the herbivores like uh [TS]

  huh and she got rid of her boys in the [TS]

  late sixties when manouschka her chief [TS]

  her chief mayor a bit me like 40 times [TS]

  in the face right face of one-and-a-half [TS]

  side block that out but now i remember [TS]

  that's horrible [TS]

  so we didn't have boards for a long time [TS]

  but then in the nineteen eighties when I [TS]

  was in high school mom decided that she [TS]

  wanted a borzoi again and so she bought [TS]

  this board is only puppy tell us be [TS]

  honest she wasn't that worried about you [TS]

  anymore [TS]

  at that point if a borzoi bit me on the [TS]

  face it was probably my fault he [TS]

  probably had it coming [TS]

  that's right i wasn't i if you're [TS]

  antagonizing the borzoi that's right the [TS]

  two don't antagonize the board's away [TS]

  and I wasn't antagonizing the board but [TS]

  she bought a borzoi puppy and if you [TS]

  know anything about boys even as a even [TS]

  as a puppy a boy's about the size of a [TS]

  comfort horse and so here you'd have you [TS]

  have a comfortable with that in the form [TS]

  of a dog either covered horses and [TS]

  you're not aware that twice I've seen [TS]

  guys saw the comfort duck the other day [TS]

  I see pigs sure we remember all too well [TS]

  because I didn't want to be able to take [TS]

  a horse on a plane seems like that [TS]

  stick-up [TS]

  I just want you right now to google [TS]

  comfort horse ok because they're small [TS]

  horses like lil Sebastian ok come house [TS]

  but it's still a horse so I don't you [TS]

  can make a horse as small as maybe you [TS]

  would want if you had a comfort animal I [TS]

  mean it but apparently people who want [TS]

  comfort animals who need comfort animals [TS]

  find the comfort horse to be very [TS]

  comforting [TS]

  I can i no know this and I I i get that [TS]

  like if you have you happen to have [TS]

  stables and require comfort horse seems [TS]

  like a great fit to me well but a [TS]

  comfort horse doesn't need a stable [TS]

  comfort worse i think can curl up on in [TS]

  a basket oh my goodness but it's got to [TS]

  be a big basket [TS]

  ok mm and so the borzoi puppy was the [TS]

  size of a comfort horse but it was a dog [TS]

  and it had it was it suffered from an [TS]

  anxiety disorder that meant that anytime [TS]

  it saw you it immediately ran in every [TS]

  direction simultaneous on now because [TS]

  the depositor you know going each each [TS]

  Paul going a different direction because [TS]

  it's a it's an enormous wolf hunting dog [TS]

  that's living in a home on my gosh [TS]

  and then it would hide under bet [TS]

  couldn't fit under the couch it would [TS]

  have tried to hide under the couch of it [TS]

  could because it thought it was the size [TS]

  of a rabbit all the poor thing [TS]

  it was terrible and so I was living in [TS]

  the house with a with a comfort horse [TS]

  sized dog that wanted nothing at all to [TS]

  do with me it never allowed me to touch [TS]

  it and I was a I was a rambunctious teen [TS]

  that was myself the size of a comfort [TS]

  horse i was even bigger than comfort [TS]

  oars tell me hands [TS]

  I'm unit 210 hands hi I'm Stan hands [TS]

  uh-huh and and you know I behaved i was [TS]

  i was the size of a comfort horse but I [TS]

  behaved like an African cat and I but [TS]

  but even so a product you look a little [TS]

  bit of a of a leaping predator i'm going [TS]

  to be an African Cats see that's just [TS]

  how your bread you just go straight up [TS]

  in the air huh [TS]

  and you can catch you could catch a [TS]

  comfort duck that was those in the [TS]

  process of taking off we can probably [TS]

  get a lot of small comfort animals [TS]

  I mean there's like a 50 seconds are [TS]

  things you get probably comfort rat or [TS]

  it but if you were if you had enough [TS]

  African Cats you could take down with [TS]

  the Beast moon and i'm not talking about [TS]

  a comfort will or something i'm talking [TS]

  about a roar and Mellie's more [TS]

  comforting than a small wildebeest [TS]

  especially with has a big basket Wilbur [TS]

  beast in a basket i know i've had the [TS]

  name it feels the same law so soon was [TS]

  very I felt anxious and I hardly ever [TS]

  feel like this sounds like quite a bit [TS]

  toxic else to for everyone involved [TS]

  well sure because I when your mom your [TS]

  mom's got it she's got arbitrate right [TS]

  well she's your favorite the borzoi she [TS]

  was able to communicate with the board [TS]

  because the board's I borzoi bonded with [TS]

  her as some sort of parental or at least [TS]

  you know the the borzoi perceived my mom [TS]

  as the feeder they did a car lauren said [TS]

  the boy imprinted on your mom imprinted [TS]

  on them all [TS]

  that's right my mom would ring a bell [TS]

  and the boards i would get the wood [TS]

  would stand on the stool to get the [TS]

  banana who [TS]

  so but I can I was the first one home [TS]

  every day right I got off of school and [TS]

  I could transport myself and my sister [TS]

  would just go hang out under the statue [TS]

  of Captain Cook and smoke clove [TS]

  cigarettes but I went home because I [TS]

  wanted to take a nap on the on the sun [TS]

  room couch and so I would walk in and [TS]

  who knows what the board was doing all [TS]

  day but then there would be this like [TS]

  clattering hooves as it ran to find [TS]

  shelter somewhere you know where it [TS]

  couldn't be somewhere I guess it thought [TS]

  that it was it was a pray for Eagles [TS]

  because it would hide under things and [TS]

  my icing animals that hide under things [TS]

  are scared of eagles all that demux [TS]

  sense right if you were hiding from a [TS]

  cat you wouldn't hide under a bed you [TS]

  want to go Wiegel Eagles won't dare [TS]

  that's right now button so you go under [TS]

  for eagles / for cats smart or what [TS]

  about behind that's like you're being [TS]

  attacked by a deer or Wilbur fees are [TS]

  will feast [TS]

  ok if you about your if Wilbur pieces in [TS]

  your house is that comfortable for [TS]

  East no i'm talking about the standard a [TS]

  standard or okay you don't need to hide [TS]

  from a comfort will feast but if you're [TS]

  looking i think in order to in order to [TS]

  hide from will be simple and bulls and [TS]

  boars huh that's behind the couch [TS]

  alright because i don't know about their [TS]

  eyes is making about making a lot a lot [TS]

  of sense to me [TS]

  yeah right up for cats down for Eagles [TS]

  behind four boards and and and and will [TS]

  blow her face and you just want to nap [TS]

  i'm just trying to get on the sunroom [TS]

  count yeah 10 and and you think the dog [TS]

  was intimidated by the thought you were [TS]

  an eagle [TS]

  no I just think the dog and the dog had [TS]

  an anxiety disorder and eventually after [TS]

  you know after nine months which in the [TS]

  life of a teenager is a long time no God [TS]

  and this thing got bigger and bigger [TS]

  until it was the size of a comfort piano [TS]

  get a comfort animal for your animal [TS]

  because i know i saw a really sweet [TS]

  picture of a dog that has its own [TS]

  seeing-eye dog [TS]

  I mean I as is a comfort all the way [TS]

  down it can you can you keep providing [TS]

  layers of comfort by adding adding new [TS]

  animals to the situation to have to be [TS]

  animals do they have to live together [TS]

  could just be like a correspondence but [TS]

  is there some way that that you could [TS]

  bring in maybe an ironic animal maybe [TS]

  you could bring in a really nice eagle [TS]

  and it would really look first at first [TS]

  to be really scared but then pretty soon [TS]

  as pet Neagle you've seen the you've [TS]

  seen the videos of the cat and the foul [TS]

  the guy who has the only pussy cat [TS]

  yeah that's right he has a pet owl and a [TS]

  pet cat and they play with each other [TS]

  the owl will swoop down huh this is a [TS]

  this is a swoop and now this isn't like [TS]

  a house out my it's not comfortable [TS]

  well is it ties into your cat and [TS]

  possible situation where you go hey you [TS]

  know turns out it seems like these these [TS]

  guys are going out for each other but [TS]

  they're sitting around playing connector [TS]

  in their underpants sure because they [TS]

  understand that's right there in the [TS]

  there there in the book a return of [TS]

  animal mentality that's right so that [TS]

  the owl swoops down and the cat leaps up [TS]

  because they're leapers who jumps up in [TS]

  the air to like bat at the owl and the [TS]

  AL keeps going back and forth on purpose [TS]

  so the cat can leap at it and they both [TS]

  are having a merry old time [TS]

  and then they retire together to sit and [TS]

  groom one another all that is so sweet i [TS]

  would love to see that [TS]

  well I think it's on the internet okay [TS]

  and you've seen the big dogs with the [TS]

  little kittens Leslie this is my entire [TS]

  day my entire day and now that my spirit [TS]

  has been broken by this election cycle [TS]

  all i do is look at cute animals on the [TS]

  internet it's a pretty much all my [TS]

  family looks at now and then tells you [TS]

  how many cute animals on the Internet [TS]

  oh my god saying there are a lot of cute [TS]

  animals we did that to ourselves color i [TS]

  know i know you need that we need it we [TS]

  need we need our own comfort animals [TS]

  yeah well that's exactly right where's [TS]

  my deck we took a angry hunters who and [TS]

  wee-wee natural natural selected them [TS]

  who we evolution evolution eyes because [TS]

  the hand of the the unseen hand of [TS]

  evolution that we've located in this [TS]

  particular sphere that we found [TS]

  that's right now my hand and we took the [TS]

  we took the beasts and we turn and we [TS]

  turn them into into big-eyed doze and [TS]

  and moo cows that give us milk and so [TS]

  now we have an owl and pussycat [TS]

  it's only a matter of time before they [TS]

  figure out a way to mate and how you get [TS]

  what you gonna do when you see one of [TS]

  those in your barn I couldn't contain [TS]

  what what what would you say is the [TS]

  difference between you play D&D what you [TS]

  see is the difference between a familiar [TS]

  and a comfort animal do is Magic [TS]

  required [TS]

  i I really really really want to the [TS]

  familiar i could see that well in any in [TS]

  the course of trying to make an orb it [TS]

  seems like maybe having a cat that you [TS]

  can talk to might be useful [TS]

  I feel like a familiar is somewhat under [TS]

  your either under your direction or at [TS]

  least you're able to consult with it [TS]

  ok I'm looking over here so if you had a [TS]

  capuchin monkey that could put your food [TS]

  in a microwave oven and spend cook it [TS]

  okay that's that's getting pretty close [TS]

  too familiar like I said today we might [TS]

  call that a helper monkey helper monkey [TS]

  is I feel like getting into the familiar [TS]

  zone [TS]

  ok if you're just feeding and petting [TS]

  the thing that's more of a blow fieldcat [TS]

  ok so we've identified you have an [TS]

  animal in the wild might like a will [TS]

  feast [TS]

  you've got you get animals in the wild [TS]

  you got animals that have been [TS]

  domesticated for work you have animals [TS]

  that are domesticated for pet things [TS]

  you've got animals that can be at from [TS]

  one of those things i guess you pivot [TS]

  and you convert them to I guess what [TS]

  comfort animal [TS]

  yeah but then you also have helper once [TS]

  now would it be ethical to have two [TS]

  horses in your house one of which is a [TS]

  helper horse and one of which is a [TS]

  familiar and just for fun throwing a [TS]

  third what if you get a third one is [TS]

  even cuter that's a pet [TS]

  ok when they get along should they get [TS]

  along do they sleep in different baskets [TS]

  I don't feel like a comfort animal is [TS]

  much aid to you other than being [TS]

  friendly [TS]

  although and asking to make you eggs I [TS]

  wouldn't i wouldn't say like comfort [TS]

  animal can you get up on that high shelf [TS]

  and bring me down that chachki ok bring [TS]

  me down the jar of sugar [TS]

  bring me that sword bring me the sword [TS]

  from the sword basket comfort beast I [TS]

  would not ask that [TS]

  and yet even the niceness I think is a [TS]

  is called into question by the presence [TS]

  of a comfort turkey because i do not [TS]

  believe that turkey can be nice [TS]

  turkeys are pretty mean-spirited they're [TS]

  mean and i don't think that a turkey has [TS]

  the capacity to be nice [TS]

  whatever part of the brain locates the [TS]

  niceness whatever lies they are located [TS]

  yeah within the spirit of the brain of [TS]

  an animal the truck is missing that part [TS]

  of the brain [TS]

  okay so apparently a confidence is [TS]

  nothing and non-existence fear part that [TS]

  we would think of as being like in [TS]

  necessarily familiar could still be a [TS]

  familiar it would not it could be a pet [TS]

  faked it but it's not going to be [TS]

  comforting and certainly will make you [TS]

  eggs i think the comfort animal is a [TS]

  vessel into which you prove that you [TS]

  project your desire for comfort you your [TS]

  desire to be comforted when the animal [TS]

  reflects your desire to be comfortable [TS]

  for comforted back to use a cipher so [TS]

  it's right here you're looking at the [TS]

  turkey and if you see if you seek [TS]

  comfort in the turkey it is prima facie [TS]

  CAA comfort turkey for seasonal whatever [TS]

  you find comforting is comfortable [TS]

  proceed [TS]

  small you could have a comfort waste [TS]

  basket right if you bought up if you [TS]

  bought an extra ticket for a seat on an [TS]

  airplane for a wastebasket [TS]

  okay wait we were events it could [TS]

  fulfill that role [TS]

  mhm what is the largest comfort animal [TS]

  you would personally feel comfortable [TS]

  how do I put this what's the largest [TS]

  comfort animal you would be willing to [TS]

  take on a plane I assuming let's assume [TS]

  that you know what let's get let's [TS]

  assume economy plus right [TS]

  is that fair yeah uh what about a [TS]

  comfort Sal now salads a big male hog me [TS]

  right i think it sounds a big female [TS]

  it's a big ladyhawke lady hog here's the [TS]

  question at something I don't know about [TS]

  hogs can hog sit in a chair with these [TS]

  slips it if you put hog on its butt and [TS]

  melt it in a hall would sit comfortably [TS]

  candidates architecture support itself [TS]

  sitting on it has little holes in his [TS]

  lap yeah writer or maybe the way that [TS]

  they're built the homes would just be [TS]

  sticking straight out maybe you'd have [TS]

  to put the tray down it can put the [TS]

  hub's top top hooves on the tray right [TS]

  right and then it's like you pull the [TS]

  curly tail under ok little tip of the [TS]

  curly tail sticking out probably in [TS]

  orthopedics eat that can accommodate a [TS]

  curly tail but what happens what if what [TS]

  happens when one more of us exercise our [TS]

  right to put a vest on animal and bring [TS]

  it on a plane [TS]

  what happens when we get into something [TS]

  a little more as John syracuse it's a [TS]

  Darwinian like what happens if one [TS]

  person has a comfort eagle and the other [TS]

  person has a comfort boards away or a [TS]

  comfort rabbit comfort comfort rep like [TS]

  what if you got what you got an allen [TS]

  the rabbit and a rabbit in the two aisle [TS]

  seats across from each other [TS]

  cool do we do we expect that they're [TS]

  just gonna leave each other alone [TS]

  because they got the best and they know [TS]

  what the deal is [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  mmm has lost a lot to ask john are you [TS]

  introducing a problem right and fouls [TS]

  not going to be friends with a rabbit [TS]

  let's just stipulate that and of course [TS]

  you're going to give your comfort animal [TS]

  the aisle seat [TS]

  I think center if it's a helper animal [TS]

  you wanted in the island probably a [TS]

  little introverted you probably like to [TS]

  have the window so yeah right whatever [TS]

  you have comfort animals John sure he [TS]

  was happy and my must happen [TS]

  statistically and i think almost [TS]

  everyone has a comfort animal so i would [TS]

  have to imagine we've now gotten to that [TS]

  point like homosexuality and veganism [TS]

  where it's crossing broad spectrum of [TS]

  the sphere removing way beyond this [TS]

  quarter that quarter this Venn diagram [TS]

  now more and more people are going to [TS]

  find comfort in animal and let's be [TS]

  honest it's good for the airline [TS]

  industry lot of times they can't fill [TS]

  those seats [TS]

  that's right you might find they're [TS]

  gonna charge you full price if you bring [TS]

  a salad on an airplane they're gonna [TS]

  charge you full price [TS]

  absolutely and I think if you want to [TS]

  check a bag maybe 75 bucks [TS]

  my sense is that there are comfort their [TS]

  actual comfort animals that are actually [TS]

  providing needed comfort to people who [TS]

  need comforting and then there are fake [TS]

  comfort animals that are the comfort [TS]

  animals that you are kind of reply or [TS]

  referring I want you to get all the [TS]

  email for this but it's my understanding [TS]

  that this has actually become a problem [TS]

  when i'm not saying any of this is right [TS]

  wrong or whatever I honestly don't want [TS]

  to get involved but it's my [TS]

  understanding that a lot of people are [TS]

  making vests at home because they want [TS]

  the pen on the plane [TS]

  yes right i mean it's like so we talked [TS]

  about this i think even last week the [TS]

  testing of your child to see if they are [TS]

  gifted who do we talked about this last [TS]

  week we talked about previously the [TS]

  efforts that should be in some program [TS]

  with an acronym right that's right if [TS]

  your if your child needs to be in a [TS]

  program with an acronym and they get [TS]

  tested to see if they qualify and so [TS]

  they sent us an email saying a do you [TS]

  want to have your child tested and we [TS]

  said yes and then they immediately wrote [TS]

  back and said you're testing is sunday [TS]

  morning at 7am October row 28 and we or [TS]

  whatever and yeah I follow that and we [TS]

  said what when we said yeah I guess so [TS]

  we didn't know that [TS]

  and that we were supposed to report [TS]

  somewhere for an sa80 test for a [TS]

  five-year-old little presumptuous and [TS]

  right and what kind of I mean they can't [TS]

  right you're not going to give them a [TS]

  thing that says pick the pic which wich [TS]

  example doesn't fit with the others [TS]

  this is how they picked the Dalai Lama [TS]

  they might take him out too like I like [TS]

  a picnic put some things on a blanket [TS]

  you know if you pick up the ride altoids [TS]

  you know you grab the right set of you [TS]

  know USB headphones that that's how do I [TS]

  know that you're the next gifted child [TS]

  yeah then so then a monk throws some [TS]

  confetti in the air and they're like its [TS]

  you write the white smoke comes out of [TS]

  the mark [TS]

  mhm but in this case we we were startled [TS]

  by this and we talked to some other [TS]

  parents well it's so here's the [TS]

  anecdotes up we talked to two different [TS]

  people who said we had our child tested [TS]

  and they didn't get into the gifted [TS]

  program so we hired an independent [TS]

  tester and in the Seattle School [TS]

  District I guess you have to have your [TS]

  child tested by the city first but if [TS]

  your child doesn't pass the city test [TS]

  you are able to hire a private tester to [TS]

  verify the city's findings and in both [TS]

  cases [TS]

  wow the parents whose child did not get [TS]

  into the gifted program when they were [TS]

  tested at five years old to see if they [TS]

  were gifted then hired an independent [TS]

  tester and guess what i'm going to guess [TS]

  that that child turned out to be gifted [TS]

  that's exactly right the independent for [TS]

  higher tester determined that the city [TS]

  was mistaken and their child was in fact [TS]

  gifted to get a vest at that point on I [TS]

  think they do get they get what they get [TS]

  to get a Robin Hood hat [TS]

  oh that's doesn't that's a nice hat yeah [TS]

  the show some way to distinguish the man [TS]

  I'm just gonna be honest with you off [TS]

  the record this to me says going to jam [TS]

  ups this to me sounds like a who's who [TS]

  among american high school students like [TS]

  they're going to get you to catch out [TS]

  that we got a live one here they want [TS]

  the testing is going to get a lot of [TS]

  weird male well and respect you might [TS]

  want to use a fake name [TS]

  I hit it seems to me that if you can [TS]

  test if you can pay to have your child [TS]

  tested into this program then it is just [TS]

  a place where [TS]

  like busybody rich people are are [TS]

  putting their kids have no like it's a [TS]

  vest mill yeah no longer seems exactly [TS]

  printing you go in there you want a vest [TS]

  will make you a vest [TS]

  that's right you're a novelist now hey [TS]

  somebody to do to copy and paste your [TS]

  book into something [TS]

  mike is so we decided as a family last [TS]

  night that we were not going to go to [TS]

  this test that our child was going to [TS]

  the public schools and let the chips [TS]

  fall because this all sounds Bologna and [TS]

  no thanks no good for you I I you know [TS]

  for what it's worth I think you did the [TS]

  right thing because look at what do you [TS]

  suppose what you're gonna get like if [TS]

  they are gifted what changes [TS]

  yeah well they go over to a special [TS]

  place where they get to play with you [TS]

  know where they get to make origami [TS]

  swans Hoover trains to get to make [TS]

  cranes probably when I was in the gifted [TS]

  program in fourth grade in seattle which [TS]

  was called The Dig program the acronym [TS]

  stood for damn interesting a gadfly who [TS]

  I don't remember what it stood for but [TS]

  we may actually taught us to use slide [TS]

  rules because it was the move was the [TS]

  last gasp the dying day of the slide [TS]

  uh-huh and they talked to a bunch of [TS]

  fourth graders to you slide rules which [TS]

  was obsolete before they were they were [TS]

  they found me slide rules in a dumpster [TS]

  behind the the jet propulsion laboratory [TS]

  and which was you know they they all had [TS]

  digital calculators at that point they [TS]

  were like what are we going to do with [TS]

  these let's give them two gifted kids [TS]

  and see what they make and you know if [TS]

  they left us alone for three more [TS]

  minutes we would have made a like a [TS]

  toothpick Eiffel Tower out of these [TS]

  slide rules but in fact they had [TS]

  somebody come in and teach us how to use [TS]

  I couldn't use one now I think we get [TS]

  you and I could slam dunk this today if [TS]

  we got the resources we got your mom [TS]

  behind it's got some help from her i [TS]

  think that we go a little way beyond [TS]

  montessori i do we go basically we get [TS]

  the cheapest building we thought maybe [TS]

  the place you're being used to practice [TS]

  by the hugo house maybe you can get that [TS]

  back [TS]

  we got that because of one room [TS]

  schoolhouse and here's what you get Yuki [TS]

  bring your kid in and what we have we [TS]

  have we have encyclopedias we've got [TS]

  atlases yeah and we got her for horses [TS]

  and that's the schedule a [TS]

  and you you have to test into this [TS]

  program i don't know i'm not sure how [TS]

  you would get you definitely the best [TS]

  but you come in and and basically you [TS]

  just you read through the Encyclopedia [TS]

  all day long if you don't get dictionary [TS]

  go look it up in the dictionary [TS]

  we got atlases and then periodically you [TS]

  going to comforted by a horse so their [TS]

  horses small horses just milling around [TS]

  in the room where the shelves are just [TS]

  full of atlases and encyclopedia of [TS]

  course of course and and you know if you [TS]

  don't get an education in there somehow [TS]

  forget it [TS]

  you don't deserve to be a given that [TS]

  vest [TS]

  further [TS]