Roderick on the Line

Ep. 224: "Family Lasagna"


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  [Music] [TS]

  hello guy John I'm Merlin how's it going [TS]

  good how are you I'm doing pretty good [TS]

  good having a coffee [TS]

  yeah you know that seems like something [TS]

  to do we have our our teacher conference [TS]

  today and I always get nervous on [TS]

  teacher conference day [TS]

  what do you think is what's there to be [TS]

  nervous about well you know how it is in [TS]

  life you always kind of hope that things [TS]

  will go as well as you could dream and [TS]

  and you you fear that it's as bad as you [TS]

  imagined and they always they almost [TS]

  always go really well but still you [TS]

  worry about the one where you going [TS]

  they're like well we all have some [TS]

  concerns about your child's call know [TS]

  hello we haven't gotten that one yet but [TS]

  you know so he's dropped a little bit [TS]

  here the other ones and yeah i just am [TS]

  always waiting you know because she's [TS]

  been she's a good kid but yeah I'm [TS]

  always nervous because I feel like I'm [TS]

  on trial [TS]

  i feel ya defensive is the wrong word [TS]

  but I feel a little defensive [TS]

  mmm yeah will you give them homework [TS]

  uh-huh right yeah so now but you know I [TS]

  think it'll probably go find have you [TS]

  had any of those experiences yet once ya [TS]

  teacher conference went to a teacher [TS]

  conference skip the PTA meeting so far [TS]

  mmm teacher compensation you should [TS]

  really get yourself to at least a few [TS]

  this [TS]

  oh yeah i know they're in my future [TS]

  right there was just one that was like [TS]

  oh great one [TS]

  hey come to the PTA meeting tonight if [TS]

  you want to order bottles of wine with [TS]

  your child's picture on them all its [TS]

  Rick training wheel nuts big lovely [TS]

  gifts [TS]

  this is your last chance this is like my [TS]

  dream and you're not gonna send you [TS]

  another email up this is only the eight [TS]

  comes the big 90 many limited [TS]

  opportunities every week and so I said [TS]

  this is this is a PTA room organization [TS]

  i'm gonna I'll get involved [TS]

  not quite yet I made that mistake when I [TS]

  was when we were in pre-k [TS]

  and I went in and said sure I'll join [TS]

  the Executive Board I told you this I'm [TS]

  sure went and sat down at the first [TS]

  meeting and they were running the [TS]

  meeting like full-on Robert's Rules of [TS]

  Order No Wow and just real quickly if it [TS]

  without revealing too much was your [TS]

  pre-k of any particular stripe [TS]

  methodology philosophy was it sort of [TS]

  allied with any big ideas uh the big [TS]

  idea it was a cooperative preschool [TS]

  yeah me too which means that everybody [TS]

  was there all hands on deck at work but [TS]

  I was in this executive board meeting [TS]

  the first one and they started running [TS]

  down the minutes of them and i could not [TS]

  I thought I felt that feeling that you [TS]

  that maybe it was like a bad dream where [TS]

  you were in fifth grade and you had been [TS]

  mistakenly put in 15th grade yeah where [TS]

  I was like what way will I i drifted off [TS]

  their what what are we talking about and [TS]

  I and you know then my eyes were were [TS]

  like i was i was falling asleep in my [TS]

  chair my eyes were like yeah I'm [TS]

  uncontrollably drooping and like 45 [TS]

  minutes into an hour-long meeting I said [TS]

  I can never be here again I this has [TS]

  been a horrible mistake but it turned [TS]

  out that my daughter's mother goes to [TS]

  those things all the time and she she [TS]

  happily not happily but she took my [TS]

  place and no one even noticed one thing [TS]

  we have in common we both have young [TS]

  daughters and we both have baby mamas [TS]

  who are how shall I say and I mean this [TS]

  as the extreme compliment that is it [TS]

  helped capable they're capable when they [TS]

  they go places and they do stuff and [TS]

  they don't piss and moan about minor [TS]

  inconveniences whereas we made a career [TS]

  out of that wouldn't that be something [TS]

  she's not my wife she cool she goes to [TS]

  some meetings and she goes to a lot of [TS]

  meetings you know there's one kind of [TS]

  meeting or like like like you going like [TS]

  you're the guest speaker and I got to [TS]

  find meaning i like those this yeah [TS]

  right [TS]

  actually that that's the podcasters type [TS]

  of meeting it gets bigger [TS]

  hello but a lot of those kinds of [TS]

  meetings I they have certain valence to [TS]

  them that are not well suited to people [TS]

  like you and me nobody there is [TS]

  necessarily happy to be there but they [TS]

  they're more grown-up about it they [TS]

  handle it better and on occasion i am [TS]

  sure i told you the story but on [TS]

  occasion i would I you know what with [TS]

  what with the preschools it was a co-op [TS]

  like yours and you gotta help out [TS]

  I mean yeah stuff does not get done [TS]

  unless everybody does more than they [TS]

  need to because there are a lot of [TS]

  people aren't who are supposed to be [TS]

  doing what they need to and you end up [TS]

  doing more than you need to do then you [TS]

  need to do so that's just to do to do to [TS]

  do i was at a dinner party [TS]

  not very long ago in a cabin which wait [TS]

  for it didn't have a dishwasher [TS]

  huh now it's been a long time since I've [TS]

  been someplace that didn't have a [TS]

  dishwasher because I state of mind [TS]

  yeah i'm a i'm a downtown person and uh [TS]

  we live in a you know interrupt in the [TS]

  rarefied air of the ivory tower of [TS]

  Seattle one of the two towers who and I [TS]

  so I'm at this party and you know we're [TS]

  making dishes faster than we're making [TS]

  any other thing this is your meat [TS]

  centric wedding party [TS]

  well same cabin different events when we [TS]

  were making we're making plates at the [TS]

  at the at the boy party and yeah there [TS]

  was a certain amount of like our I don't [TS]

  gotta do the dishes one of the guys at [TS]

  the at the at the boy party was a nag [TS]

  right about the dishes and stuff me [TS]

  tells me all right but then we're at a [TS]

  we're at a party at the same place few [TS]

  weeks later it was a it was a [TS]

  mixed-gender party and we were just [TS]

  making we're making dirty dishes like [TS]

  you're going out of style because it was [TS]

  one of those dinner parties we're making [TS]

  the food all [TS]

  only making the food making some pasta [TS]

  making some sauce making some cake [TS]

  that's that's that's a lot of dishes [TS]

  making making making make him and these [TS]

  dishes needed to get done and I jump [TS]

  over and I started doing dishes and you [TS]

  know it's a it's like riding a bike [TS]

  right I haven't sat us in a sudsy sink [TS]

  and done dishes in a long time but you [TS]

  don't forget how to do it and it and [TS]

  it's like back in the you know I was [TS]

  back in the dishes who felt real it kind [TS]

  of felt real good i was always I was [TS]

  always too meticulous about doing the [TS]

  dishes interesting and I never [TS]

  understood when people would say you're [TS]

  being too meticulous i would say how can [TS]

  you be too meticulous in cleaning dirty [TS]

  dishes [TS]

  I mean I just want to make sure that [TS]

  they're they're very clean and they're [TS]

  like yeah I've been watching you been [TS]

  we've watched that one dish for three [TS]

  minutes and I'm like yeah that's what it [TS]

  takes three minutes dish [TS]

  this is this a gun on the moon right and [TS]

  you don't you don't get on the moon by [TS]

  just watching some water around [TS]

  no that's right you make sure every inch [TS]

  of that dish is clean and molecular you [TS]

  got the right stuff so I'm doing the [TS]

  dishes i'm making my way through it the [TS]

  problem with spending three minutes per [TS]

  dish is that three-quarters of the way [TS]

  through a big pile of dishes [TS]

  your hands are fully saturated huh like [TS]

  my hands were like look but you know on [TS]

  on on I go right [TS]

  Semper Fi yeah dude I and uh and it was [TS]

  it was it was it was super gratified but [TS]

  it was some there was a visit is a [TS]

  methodology and there's a way you know [TS]

  there's like a every house has a [TS]

  different style [TS]

  oh so different you know and so I'm [TS]

  stacking them up over here but that's [TS]

  not where they go when you start with [TS]

  something as simple as bottoms up [TS]

  bottoms down [TS]

  that's the or you know you get into [TS]

  stuff like what-what silver silverware [TS]

  makes sense to go to this place like [TS]

  that why would you keep your knives [TS]

  there [TS]

  but I think bottoms up bottoms down i [TS]

  used to be a used to be a bottoms-up [TS]

  person and now i think those people are [TS]

  monsters [TS]

  if you wash cup why would you put the [TS]

  lip of the cup on the filthy like when [TS]

  you put it away like would you put it in [TS]

  the cupboard like lip down that's that's [TS]

  so gross don't talk about well I know it [TS]

  all too well because i am a bottoms-up [TS]

  person interesting it's time for this [TS]

  country to come together [TS]

  why why would you put a coffee mug in [TS]

  the cupboard where all of the detritus [TS]

  that falls from the sky [TS]

  I see me what you're worried about [TS]

  gravity plus the Flies mm and the like [TS]

  geckos yeah like anything that wants to [TS]

  get out of the night geckos [TS]

  well shit the with the woofers and [TS]

  tweeters come out of your speakers in [TS]

  the middle of the night and they're [TS]

  going around licking all the rims [TS]

  that's what they do they like the rims [TS]

  they climb into your cups and pots [TS]

  stander back into the speakers in the [TS]

  morning before you get down [TS]

  yeah yeah so no you put the lips down [TS]

  and then all that stuff they're just you [TS]

  know they're like all you see them all [TS]

  the geckos know the tweeters they're all [TS]

  like clawing at the cop let me and let [TS]

  me in i want to get on the get in the [TS]

  cabins like sorry buddy but up [TS]

  mhm now at that particular event was [TS]

  there was there a sense that somebody [TS]

  will take care of this [TS]

  no because that there was some times [TS]

  that that's what happens when you get an [TS]

  event like that is and get you actually [TS]

  this does there's a thread that runs [TS]

  through all of this which is like being [TS]

  around people who have just as strong [TS]

  feeling about how to do this as you do [TS]

  and it's very very different like a [TS]

  different feeling about how this should [TS]

  go [TS]

  you don't mean I do like there's always [TS]

  there who's like never watched edition [TS]

  their life they're like they're gonna [TS]

  think that's in front that's an attack [TS]

  that's a punishment [TS]

  OIC doing dishes just any of it just me [TS]

  or whether it's going to the meeting [TS]

  where they talk for literally 45 minutes [TS]

  about how to deal with the fact that the [TS]

  chickens are pooping in the yard and [TS]

  gets on the children shoes I did feel [TS]

  like that was a punishment [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  then see the first party I went to the [TS]

  NAG guy meg I was the one that was like [TS]

  well your mom doesn't live here [TS]

  hmm where I was like all right pal but [TS]

  the second one it's like we're gonna [TS]

  wear a dinner party and its fancy fancy [TS]

  enough we're making our own pasta [TS]

  wow I'm not gonna be the one that's [TS]

  sitting in the chair a pretending that [TS]

  retained a nap when the dishes need to [TS]

  get washed [TS]

  you know i'm not going to be the ones [TS]

  like huh what does not just take care of [TS]

  itself you know you're trying to get [TS]

  called on in class like not like noticed [TS]

  yeah you don't want to be that you want [TS]

  to be the one that's like way that's a [TS]

  step ahead of the game i can't let me [TS]

  get in there and get me to take care of [TS]

  that sin there's the guy that I've been [TS]

  which is a seems only slightly better [TS]

  but is actually much worse which is um [TS]

  you guys want me to do the dishes but no [TS]

  no you relax somebody else such as the [TS]

  dishes never asked what does somebody [TS]

  want me to get more beer [TS]

  no don't know you just you just you just [TS]

  sit here and play DJ oh that's right [TS]

  that is a job tho never cursed me to be [TS]

  DJ really uh no I leave that to people [TS]

  that have strong feelings about being DJ [TS]

  em but when I'm appointed DJ hmm then [TS]

  look out the roof is coming off this [TS]

  party mhm I mean I love being DJ I'm [TS]

  just not gonna I'm not gonna stand in [TS]

  line to be DJ and I'm not gonna sit [TS]

  there and you know like I'm not unzip my [TS]

  pants m to be DJ ok i was a little bit [TS]

  here oh my niece's wedding a couple [TS]

  years ago because I was the only person [TS]

  who had such great heights on the phone [TS]

  oh that's nothing which we live in now [TS]

  is likely there's a caller to call out [TS]

  the the bride is a couple drinks she [TS]

  really wants to hear such great heights [TS]

  and they are oddly enough the DJ didn't [TS]

  have it [TS]

  this is a call to all mhm um she was a [TS]

  whole she got a little tipsy and she was [TS]

  like oh they're both guys hates her day [TS]

  you know and you're like step size [TS]

  inbee man is here actually gonna [TS]

  constantly you district sleeps alone is [TS]

  really good but that doesn't mean you [TS]

  know what that that's kind of [TS]

  lesser-known track but i think it's got [TS]

  a lot of trooper who leases REM demos [TS]

  have you ever heard [TS]

  guided by voices all gather around i'm [TS]

  going to show you guys how to kick at a [TS]

  party set aside your chicken dance it [TS]

  haha i would if i were if I were djing a [TS]

  wedding i would just play god only knows [TS]

  on permanent loop [TS]

  oh that's a great choice you know you [TS]

  don't know where that song ends so you [TS]

  can just loop if you loop it properly [TS]

  just keep going yeah he totally could [TS]

  and maybe people would notice but you [TS]

  know i have a this is I guess kind of a [TS]

  bit but i have a problem with wedding [TS]

  djs it's like every part of the getting [TS]

  married industry it has a great gaping [TS]

  maw and giant teeth and you think it's [TS]

  gonna be a friendly dragon you think [TS]

  like they say oh you know we can make [TS]

  these petty fours just the way you want [TS]

  the buttercreams gonna be exactly like [TS]

  your dreams and you know it's like no no [TS]

  the ER and never forget this Miami my [TS]

  primary high school girlfriend got [TS]

  married and went to your wedding [TS]

  the German secondary high school program [TS]

  i had secondary and tertiary high school [TS]

  girlfriends but my primary high school [TS]

  girlfriend was kinda nuts aren't [TS]

  watching body but I went to her wedding [TS]

  and and she had been like super clear [TS]

  with the DJ about a few things and like [TS]

  she you know you know everybody is [TS]

  whether you're given birth [TS]

  we're getting married you're making a [TS]

  website you got certain things you have [TS]

  like not that much of a feeling about a [TS]

  couple things we like I really want to [TS]

  have this one thing I wanted dancing [TS]

  panda and head of the page and then you [TS]

  might have some things we go like I [TS]

  really it's so important to me above all [TS]

  else that these things not happen right [TS]

  away no rhinoceroses know and she said [TS]

  she's looked into his eyes and said I i [TS]

  am the bride [TS]

  hey and here's here's here's a very [TS]

  serves two things she's like I want you [TS]

  to play at one point I'm gonna want you [TS]

  to play melt with you modern English [TS]

  would be [TS]

  got the original or the the what the [TS]

  original no I given given one of my [TS]

  primary high school girlfriend it was it [TS]

  was definitely be the yeah the original [TS]

  you remember you remember they came out [TS]

  with it again like two years later [TS]

  bringing on the heartbreak [TS]

  that's right that's right that's right [TS]

  when they came out the next record they [TS]

  think of me like think a lot of people [TS]

  would listen to the original bringing on [TS]

  the heartbreak and be kind of maybe even [TS]

  confused because it doesn't have the [TS]

  keyboard and stuff on it rite of the [TS]

  second it's much more about the John [TS]

  John John you know what I mean to do is [TS]

  it's a different song and I think are [TS]

  the request i see i remember her [TS]

  enjoying the chicken dance but I feel [TS]

  like she said something there was some [TS]

  kind of one of those things that every [TS]

  DJ does unless for the sake of this [TS]

  argument let's say it's the chicken [TS]

  dance [TS]

  she was the chicken big pop up above a [TS]

  bump and this dance that goes with that [TS]

  we flap your arms you ever done a [TS]

  chicken dance [TS]

  what you see you sweating and you've [TS]

  never done a chicken dance [TS]

  this feels like a very regional idea of [TS]

  how to marry another person it's kinda [TS]

  like suburban moral stance we really [TS]

  gotta get back to more stances simple [TS]

  this is a masquerade nothing [TS]

  it's like a macro and thinking how green [TS]

  is like a wedding thing now I see the [TS]

  only reason i am said macaroni the thing [TS]

  is that somehow I knew that it was a [TS]

  wedding thing but I don't know about [TS]

  chicken pants okay i don't know from [TS]

  chicken dances yeah but you know but you [TS]

  know how to DJ at a wedding this i mean [TS]

  no disrespect to the industry of wedding [TS]

  teaches i'm sure they're hard-working [TS]

  people but they do have a way they like [TS]

  to do things and they got a bit somebody [TS]

  has on microphone and they start running [TS]

  things and they become the over-the-top [TS]

  like drive time DJ person who mcs your [TS]

  wedding and tells everybody when it's [TS]

  time to do what some people really like [TS]

  that but looking I'm sorry to interrupt [TS]

  now please [TS]

  I don't really go anywhere with this [TS]

  like some time just talk about sadness [TS]

  well but i need the bride very sad [TS]

  because because you played the fucking [TS]

  chicken dance and he did not even have a [TS]

  copy of modern English's mail with you [TS]

  which seems unconscionable to me [TS]

  well if you asked for specifically the [TS]

  soup yeah good I I guess have not been [TS]

  to a lot of weddings [TS]

  ok and that may seem that may seem [TS]

  strange right you and I'm not gonna take [TS]

  that seems very strange because you are [TS]

  an event [TS]

  and you get invited to a lot of things [TS]

  you go to a lot of things [TS]

  yeah it seems you would have been 240 [TS]

  weddings [TS]

  yes ice I you know like I I can see [TS]

  where it might seem like that [TS]

  okay but I have performed as the [TS]

  officiant at but let's say a dozen [TS]

  wedding [TS]

  no kidding i have officiated a dozen [TS]

  weddings including a couple of weddings [TS]

  of people very close to me I the drummer [TS]

  of the long winters I efficient his [TS]

  wedding I officiated me or my nabil [TS]

  seals was officiated Nick Harmer's [TS]

  wedding the bass player of death kappa [TS]

  cute [TS]

  wow I appreciate i have officiated a lot [TS]

  of weddings but i have not been to many [TS]

  weddings where I wasn't officiated haha [TS]

  kinda night going to PTA meetings if I [TS]

  may say mmm right you don't you're [TS]

  experiencing this in a very different [TS]

  way than most people [TS]

  yeah right i mean and so so I've always [TS]

  felt a little bit of responsibility for [TS]

  the wedding going going well [TS]

  absolutely uh but that responsibility [TS]

  ends when they say i do and like I don't [TS]

  have any sense of what the wedding djs [TS]

  doing past that point but all of the [TS]

  weddings I've really all the ones I've [TS]

  ever been to have been indie-rock [TS]

  weddings where like same beam was the [TS]

  music so lets you know what sort of [TS]

  unconventional well yeah there's not if [TS]

  there's a DJ it's someone that we all [TS]

  know right like it's it's like Chris [TS]

  wall or something right [TS]

  and why would that be a great wedding DJ [TS]

  right yeah no chicken dance tho puku and [TS]

  also dated checks from david bowie's [TS]

  Berlin period it is like down waiting [TS]

  for little sound and vision ever [TS]

  buddy dance it's just music for airports [TS]

  and what ball inside 1 is over but he [TS]

  lets the needle run for a minute because [TS]

  this far as my hair [TS]

  bom bom bom-bom so I really gets rocking [TS]

  I have no idea at all what a [TS]

  conventional wedding is like and I'm [TS]

  kidding that's so interesting to me i [TS]

  hear people talk about them and I hear [TS]

  that you know and I hear about [TS]

  bridezillas and I hear that a that drunk [TS]

  rooms and I look at pictures sometimes [TS]

  online of wedding parties and I think [TS]

  why are they dressed like that and I [TS]

  hear that weddings are very expensive [TS]

  and that they're very stressful for [TS]

  people like I I know about weddings [TS]

  ok but either i don't get invited to [TS]

  them uh well conventional weddings or [TS]

  maybe I have been invited to them and I [TS]

  didn't open the evite because I don't [TS]

  open invites now that that's good policy [TS]

  um they were all together hitch up on [TS]

  facebook you know what I'm you know the [TS]

  thing is if you send me any bite who you [TS]

  don't have my phone number to text me [TS]

  and say why don't you open my evite [TS]

  there should be a name for this you [TS]

  don't know your name for this phenomenon [TS]

  right [TS]

  don't you think i mean like i have [TS]

  weddings but there should be a name for [TS]

  this phenomenon haha GG almost got me [TS]

  there if you really if you really knew [TS]

  me you would never have sent us it's [TS]

  like a canary trap [TS]

  yeah yeah yeahs an evite when an evite [TS]

  arrives in my inbox I i scan who it's [TS]

  from [TS]

  I make a mental note that person wants [TS]

  something once we'd either attend [TS]

  something or want something for me and [TS]

  then I await a second communication i [TS]

  see like a warning shot [TS]

  yeah that's right like alright alright [TS]

  Teddy I saw that you sent me bite [TS]

  let's let's see how serious you are [TS]

  about this i got a very I got a very [TS]

  terse email from uh from a bride not [TS]

  very long ago saying reply to my email [TS]

  and I said but I I can't find it [TS]

  oh and she said you bastard [TS]

  mmm it is hard enough to put automatic [TS]

  this is hard enough without forty [TS]

  percent of the people i know not sending [TS]

  the card back in a self-addressed stamp [TS]

  card right and then I send emails to [TS]

  that forty percent and fully twenty [TS]

  percent don't reply to the email oh my [TS]

  goodness and then I text that twenty [TS]

  percent and here you and I are standing [TS]

  standing on to like a two tiny little [TS]

  roadrunner plateaus in a bit but the [TS]

  skies turn red and the ground isn't [TS]

  inflamed and more quality in terms [TS]

  though it's more like she has to go [TS]

  door-to-door and like stand there while [TS]

  you're obviously she can see your shadow [TS]

  on the screen look you're obviously [TS]

  standing there like open the fucking [TS]

  door [TS]

  but why and now you're on the here [TS]

  it felt so bad for I felt badly because [TS]

  I understand in a lot of cases that i [TS]

  meant to know better [TS]

  Wow back tilt we don't know better [TS]

  all by way of saying that i have never [TS]

  been to a wedding in an event space [TS]

  where the where the bride didn't know [TS]

  the DJ already as a friend so I don't [TS]

  know what I don't know from even from [TS]

  Mac arena [TS]

  I don't know from I don't know from but [TS]

  I always know the parents of the of the [TS]

  people already like a so I can't believe [TS]

  that at my advanced age i'm sitting here [TS]

  thinking about it I can't think of a [TS]

  wedding I've been to in 25 years that [TS]

  didn't have some where I didn't either [TS]

  know every single person there or where [TS]

  it wasn't like being held [TS]

  a rowboat or something you know so this [TS]

  episode of Roderick on the line is [TS]

  brought to you by braintree code for [TS]

  easy mobile payments to learn more about [TS]

  braintree right now by going to [TS]

  braintree payments dot-com / supertrain [TS]

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  braintree payments dot-com / supertrain [TS]

  our thanks to braintree for supporting [TS]

  rod on the line and all the great shows [TS]

  so so i'm i'm i'm so divorced from from [TS]

  what the from this whole not just the [TS]

  wedding culture but like the like what [TS]

  everyone must have gone everyone i know [TS]

  that's married that I don't know well [TS]

  enough to have been there but they must [TS]

  have gone through [TS]

  well it's it's butterly fraud because [TS]

  everything you're saying is true and as [TS]

  usual [TS]

  yeah sure and and and so one thing about [TS]

  this is everything you're describing is [TS]

  true and ever thus it's been I assume [TS]

  like it is costly it is complicated it's [TS]

  emotionally difficult because there's a [TS]

  certain kind of like [TS]

  class sorting you have to be the sorting [TS]

  hat for all these different people and [TS]

  decide all kinds of things like and you [TS]

  see this for example with table [TS]

  arrangements for you to start like who's [TS]

  at what table and how you're going to [TS]

  mix that up and there's this constant [TS]

  type but I guess what I think in general [TS]

  is constant tightrope walk on the one [TS]

  hand like you think is what you think [TS]

  those weddings are like is probably not [TS]

  far off what they're like [TS]

  because a lot of our sense of what we [TS]

  get about wedding what wedding should be [TS]

  is from TV's and movies and from other [TS]

  weddings we've been to so on the one [TS]

  hand there's this pressure to like put [TS]

  on this thing for your family and to [TS]

  extend your friends that was really in a [TS]

  lot of ways weddings are about everybody [TS]

  but you [TS]

  they're just like funerals yeah that's [TS]

  what they're not for the living [TS]

  that's that's a very very good point but [TS]

  it isn't someone is really about [TS]

  throwing a party that's going to be this [TS]

  satisfying our ritual for all the [TS]

  important people in your life you have [TS]

  to whether you want to or not you kind [TS]

  of have to think about stepping on toes [TS]

  like thinking about like okay is is [TS]

  divorced dad going to be here and [TS]

  divorce mom going to be there and is is [TS]

  she going to bring her boyfriend all [TS]

  that kind of the drinks he drinks right [TS]

  who drinks and then who's gonna walk her [TS]

  down the aisle and like she wants that [TS]

  to be her decision she might want her [TS]

  English professor to walk her down the [TS]

  aisle but she can because divorce dad [TS]

  will get mad and etc etc setup button so [TS]

  but i think there's this line try to [TS]

  walk like making it the big event for [TS]

  the couple making it the pretentious [TS]

  maybe even vaguely mumbo-jumbo religious [TS]

  event probably for some of your family [TS]

  but you're also constant tightrope is [TS]

  also weighing that against like oh but I [TS]

  don't want this to be a cliché I want [TS]

  it and once I want mine to be different [TS]

  so we're going to write our own vows and [TS]

  these days almost everybody raised their [TS]

  own valves or you know what I mean [TS]

  there's something about it you're going [TS]

  to do the flowers in this different way [TS]

  and it all at all costs money it all [TS]

  takes time and I'll takes resources so I [TS]

  mean it is it's is I mean like for [TS]

  example my niece for whom I was the [TS]

  efficient in the only wedding she could [TS]

  not have been more mellow about the [TS]

  whole thing to wear it was like I was [TS]

  the one emailing her like so is this ok [TS]

  it's alright just not be fine [TS]

  like make it a little bit like the [TS]

  spiritual or something [TS]

  and I was like okay a little bit of Book [TS]

  of Common Prayer funny anecdote where [TS]

  some nice shoes with all the Bible was [TS]

  written is that right yeah yeah we're [TS]

  sumbitches chill just don't where's more [TS]

  religious stuff they got animal stories [TS]

  they got fire [TS]

  that's right that's right there's some [TS]

  there's a lot of adventure hydrant magic [TS]

  john is like magic in the Bible they are [TS]

  gladiators gladiators get Wizards yeah [TS]

  you gotta get healings you get fish just [TS]

  throw a little bit more religious stuff [TS]

  in there and we're good [TS]

  you think that passes through like a [TS]

  second draft and gets passed around the [TS]

  writers room and like I like the loaves [TS]

  and fishes but I'm not really seeing the [TS]

  connection with God [TS]

  well yeah I think it does i think each [TS]

  one of the I think each one of the [TS]

  writers had a little bit of leeway also [TS]

  the Sadducees are coming across little [TS]

  jewy to me we turn that down a little [TS]

  bit but the thing is then you know then [TS]

  it goes to committee right and it's the [TS]

  council of nicea it takes it apart and [TS]

  then Augustine's got other things to say [TS]

  about you get the diet of worms it's and [TS]

  takes a long time to get to get a script [TS]

  into production [TS]

  yeah all my gosh and then you get stuck [TS]

  in turn around what is that right it's [TS]

  an epic picture you're going to have to [TS]

  get going to get a lot of hard to build [TS]

  a set of Cleopatra twice because the [TS]

  first one was they used metric instead [TS]

  of instant alert three or four minute [TS]

  youtube videos i'm not really sure but i [TS]

  think something happened with a [TS]

  elizabeth taylor got sick and then they [TS]

  had to like use it for something else [TS]

  and then rebuild the set and even though [TS]

  it was the top movie of that year it [TS]

  still didn't turn back turn back and [TS]

  that's something that's inside talk [TS]

  about some Hollywood we did not even [TS]

  gotten into the whole gift conundrum [TS]

  so like a lot of you with the wedding [TS]

  yes a lot of people our wedding you want [TS]

  to say hey don't give us gifts well you [TS]

  know what turns out that's not actually [TS]

  that cool thing to say because the thing [TS]

  is you're on who loves you really wants [TS]

  to not just give you something but wants [TS]

  to give you something memorable your I [TS]

  don't be unkind but you're kind of [TS]

  denying them the chance to do something [TS]

  that's important to them it's one of the [TS]

  many bullets you have to take when [TS]

  you're when you're getting married is up [TS]

  to give you LOL you have to register you [TS]

  don't have to but your entire family is [TS]

  going to be like no like I really want [TS]

  to get you something [TS]

  yeah and then you gotta figure out a [TS]

  range of prices you gotta put a big bang [TS]

  on there so if you do something to do [TS]

  we just want money towards our mortgage [TS]

  like that might not go over all that [TS]

  well someone like just pay for our [TS]

  honeymoon that some people are doing [TS]

  things like that you could pay off my [TS]

  student debt [TS]

  well yeah i wanna know yeah I could do [TS]

  that but like candy some spoons or [TS]

  something [TS]

  spoons yeah I do that I some i think [TS]

  somewhere with a long time ago I went to [TS]

  one of the early weddings when I you [TS]

  know but which I mean one of the first [TS]

  ones ever was Abraham and Sarah uh-huh [TS]

  uh-huh and uh and it was Abraham and [TS]

  Mary are you telling me refresh sorry [TS]

  top and they said we look for if that's [TS]

  funny [TS]

  ok your little one for that they they [TS]

  said we don't want gifts this when so [TS]

  different is that we don't want gifts [TS]

  and so I took that tube bikes i took [TS]

  that to be how weddings are and that I [TS]

  just have always extended that to [TS]

  everyone [TS]

  ok alright so because I was the first [TS]

  one I went to didn't want gifts [TS]

  yeah why would any subsequent when it's [TS]

  a little learning pattern and you [TS]

  internalize they see that's my that's my [TS]

  new pattern now I said it was supposedly [TS]

  you get a year to give a gift that's the [TS]

  conventional wisdom [TS]

  oh so you want when I'm the hook one [TS]

  wedding i went to i did give the bride [TS]

  and groom very fancy matching gift [TS]

  because I felt like I thought like the [TS]

  groom had done many great [TS]

  he he he had been a good friend over the [TS]

  years and that this was a group this was [TS]

  a a 0 a gift commensurate with the [TS]

  amount of love that I felt who and and [TS]

  the bride and groom received the gift [TS]

  very you know like graciously like oh [TS]

  thanks like that we receive a men's [TS]

  wallet [TS]

  we're here sort of like the way you if I [TS]

  had handed them a casserole and when [TS]

  they looked at the casserole it had [TS]

  pasta but also like eminem top stitched [TS]

  whatever like thanks like this is my [TS]

  family was on you but I add a ska added [TS]

  skills because it's because i love [TS]

  skittles and then those gifts which were [TS]

  you know which were pretty nice like it [TS]

  was basically like here is here is a [TS]

  taxidermy to ramshead there's only one [TS]

  place it can go over the mantel right [TS]

  you don't give you don't take a [TS]

  taxidermy man rams head and put it in [TS]

  the downstairs bathroom it comes it's [TS]

  like one ramshead in 10 assumptions [TS]

  yeah right well sure first of all that [TS]

  you want to ram set and second that [TS]

  you're gonna you're gonna put it up if [TS]

  you're gonna put it up right this whole [TS]

  chain of dependencies like that gives [TS]

  you if i give you a ram said you're [TS]

  gonna be moving some shit around [TS]

  yeah like Jason fan of the President of [TS]

  the United States of America hasn't a [TS]

  great number of platinum albums because [TS]

  the president the united states of [TS]

  america went platinum their their first [TS]

  album went platinum in like 50 countries [TS]

  or something I know they have let me [TS]

  know they're platinum records from [TS]

  Uzbekistan [TS]

  huh there were multiple multiple [TS]

  platinum records for them in australia [TS]

  new zealand canada and europe and [TS]

  america like and then known that and the [TS]

  the new style of that is instead of one [TS]

  big vinyl platinum record in a frame [TS]

  it's like a frame with five CDs I think [TS]

  that you just have to re-authenticate [TS]

  with the itunes store you download your [TS]

  record up you download your get your war [TS]

  you record but so Jason would Jason you [TS]

  know he's not somebody that's going to [TS]

  put a big platinum record on in his [TS]

  living he's got paintings [TS]

  yeah he's got a lot of fantastic art a [TS]

  great art collection he's not gonna he's [TS]

  not going to even just have one of them [TS]

  right like the best one I don't know [TS]

  what the best one was if you had a [TS]

  platinum record from Uzbekistan if I had [TS]

  one [TS]

  forget it front and center no question [TS]

  other and their be the spotlights on it [TS]

  but if you wanted to see any of the like [TS]

  Jason kept them in the downstairs [TS]

  bathroom right because he's like what am [TS]

  I gonna do with all these planet record [TS]

  and and they weren't all on display [TS]

  right it was just like sort of all the [TS]

  little put this here and then a couple [TS]

  of them in a box [TS]

  something there's you know we use one as [TS]

  a we put one on the on the coffee table [TS]

  and that's in the garage though you know [TS]

  the coffee table that's like stacked in [TS]

  the garage anyway that's not what you're [TS]

  going to do if somebody gives you a [TS]

  taxidermied ramshead it's not gonna fit [TS]

  in the downstairs bathroom there's one [TS]

  spot for and so I gave them the i gave [TS]

  the bride and groom this lovely gift and [TS]

  it just went away I never heard about it [TS]

  again still haven't about it don't know [TS]

  where it is it's in the world somewhere [TS]

  i'm assuming it's not didn't go [TS]

  immediately into the fire [TS]

  I it has intrinsic value not just not [TS]

  just like friend value it's like a thing [TS]

  you could pawn and it feels like the [TS]

  kind of gift that lots of families [TS]

  actually one of my favorite holiday [TS]

  traditions in some families is like the [TS]

  the weird gift that gets really gifted [TS]

  every year [TS]

  mm you run into this cheesecake are the [TS]

  three cubed fruit cake with fruit cake [TS]

  yeah we had an inflatable hammer in my [TS]

  family that went around every year but [TS]

  my friend Richard that a quasi-religious [TS]

  skipped the season is did you hide it [TS]

  under a bushel my friend Richard day I [TS]

  don't know how this thing started [TS]

  because some kind of ugly gift and [TS]

  basically when you're given that gift [TS]

  then you have to add something to it [TS]

  like hot glue something to it and then [TS]

  give it to somebody else the next year [TS]

  and so the weirdness accumulates every [TS]

  year and it gets weirder and stupider [TS]

  every year and I apparently it's a real [TS]

  joy of the bucket right family christmas [TS]

  is a great idea [TS]

  are you gonna see that I bet that you [TS]

  know what that might be in Martha [TS]

  Stewart or real simple at this point but [TS]

  I think that's I think that's a good [TS]

  idea as a as a gift idea what you think [TS]

  that the Rams Head could be something [TS]

  that you are you then maybe it's a [TS]

  wedding gift that you keep passing on [TS]

  other people [TS]

  it was like out of a kind of ad hoc [TS]

  monkey's paw that would have been fine [TS]

  and fun if they had done that [TS]

  yeah did you know I'm about it well [TS]

  that's the problem i don't know enough [TS]

  about weddings but I get a i get a sense [TS]

  that i get a sense from my other from [TS]

  all the many faux pas i have committed [TS]

  in so many other areas of human life [TS]

  yeah um that once you give someone a [TS]

  gift you do not it does not come with a [TS]

  guarantee [TS]

  like a reverse guarantee where I can [TS]

  call and find out what they did with it [TS]

  like not like saving a child it's not [TS]

  like you get a letter with a picture of [TS]

  the kid did you get fresh water too [TS]

  yeah well or I mean you could write they [TS]

  could every year say look here it is [TS]

  here's your gift we you know we take it [TS]

  every year [TS]

  ice fishing with us it's like the mascot [TS]

  of our ice fishing trip every year thank [TS]

  you so much [TS]

  if they don't do that if it's just like [TS]

  will never mention this gift again [TS]

  mhm um you can't call him five years [TS]

  later and say hey just wondering [TS]

  remember that super thoughtful gift I [TS]

  gave you guys just recently I mean if [TS]

  you're not using it [TS]

  yeah i mean shit dog get back a lot i [TS]

  think it i'll take it back [TS]

  uh you know I don't think you can do [TS]

  that i don't think that's I don't think [TS]

  that's kosher right so it's been a great [TS]

  lesson to me in letting go and letting [TS]

  god [TS]

  mm oh god that's easy as a chance for [TS]

  self-discovery [TS]

  yeah yeah where i'm like i still i mean [TS]

  i'm talking about it right now i still [TS]

  sit and go from wonder what I wonder if [TS]

  that's just in a box somewhere or ya did [TS]

  that get is that what did I get water [TS]

  damage in the flooded and they just had [TS]

  to toss it i want to say anything I I [TS]

  left and I left some stuff at a guy's [TS]

  house one time in the great city of [TS]

  Minneapolis and it wasn't it was stuff [TS]

  that was important to me including some [TS]

  journals some journals that I'd [TS]

  accidentally left when I decamped rather [TS]

  quickly and for a while we were in touch [TS]

  with one another and I was like God hey [TS]

  gotta get those journals from you [TS]

  hey buddy how's it going gotta get those [TS]

  journals from you and he's like yeah I [TS]

  yeah I got him right here [TS]

  you know I'm gonna I'm gonna send them [TS]

  on just got to get the [TS]

  just got to figure out how the post [TS]

  office works yeah I'm great well I can [TS]

  anything i can do just let me know just [TS]

  should want to get those back [TS]

  yep no problem and then one day he said [TS]

  uh and it wasn't like he wrote me it was [TS]

  that I wrote him and said so what about [TS]

  the journals let's revisit the journals [TS]

  and he said oh man there was a flood em [TS]

  and the journals got wet and they [TS]

  weren't really savable [TS]

  hmm so I tossed them and I was like what [TS]

  will whoa [TS]

  like I get the flood part you know [TS]

  floods happen but journals dry out too [TS]

  like you can dry a journal how and and [TS]

  and potentially like there are a lot of [TS]

  there's a lot of when you talk about [TS]

  journal [TS]

  yeah but you know i have somebody who's [TS]

  made a lot of lame excuses in life I can [TS]

  smell that that's that is a lame excuse [TS]

  he thought that was going to be his [TS]

  ticket to ride looking although [TS]

  everything flowed and so anyway well [TS]

  like yeah they're damaging flood end of [TS]

  conversation [TS]

  yeah and i was like i could if you'd [TS]

  sent them wet [TS]

  I could I could you know like bake them [TS]

  in the oven like it's not the it's not [TS]

  the paper i want it's the work mmm yeah [TS]

  world's my words gone gone forever you [TS]

  know many journals that lost over the [TS]

  years too many oh that you've openly and [TS]

  you've also had a lot of things stolen [TS]

  like you have lost the journal of with [TS]

  the stealing one time when you're in [TS]

  Europe have lost a few journals from [TS]

  stealing had a roommate one time a young [TS]

  woman who had a different idea of our [TS]

  roommate ship than I did him and when [TS]

  she moved out she moved out mad and took [TS]

  my journals what like didn't take the [TS]

  didn't take my art or whatever didn't [TS]

  take my guitar which would have been a [TS]

  great country song [TS]

  that you know if she'd taken my guitar [TS]

  that could be i'd still be dining out [TS]

  and take my art she didn't take my [TS]

  guitar took out the words that mean the [TS]

  world to me not page but the words on [TS]

  the page it [TS]

  yeah yeah took the journal support our [TS]

  troops [TS]

  how weird does she still have them what [TS]

  he's got into that self-same primary a [TS]

  high-school girlfriend whenever I was a [TS]

  shitheel and I was often a shitheel she [TS]

  would destroy one of my o2 sets one of [TS]

  your mixtapes no no usually one of my [TS]

  like Columbia House or self purchase [TS]

  cassettes but like that that's how I [TS]

  lost english settlement for example that [TS]

  double LP how did you destroy like pull [TS]

  the tape out orgy playgrounds you do I [TS]

  totally had it coming [TS]

  all but that's I mean that's like each [TS]

  pole must be even more gratifying to her [TS]

  that's not just like I'm throwing this [TS]

  in the garbage i'm not sure i learned my [TS]

  lesson as well as I should've just like [TS]

  every one of these polls just fucking [TS]

  Marlin locking haha ah that's all the [TS]

  world is football-shaped just for me to [TS]

  kick in space [TS]

  I can hear that i can see hear smell [TS]

  touch taste [TS]

  hey a funny story least some of my house [TS]

  and start using it [TS]

  this is happening on numerous occasions [TS]

  get back my furniture but Wright has an [TS]

  excellent name Richard left much was [TS]

  burning at the stuff at the place and [TS]

  learning about for exactly it's the [TS]

  stuff of bits you got the don't call it [TS]

  don't call its and its dust it's got the [TS]

  playa dust all over it [TS]

  so like I used one of his chairs from [TS]

  the burning man for a long time so that [TS]

  disappeared [TS]

  I've used I've used to i still using a [TS]

  sleeping bag when would you use good [TS]

  until it disappeared because that I left [TS]

  it's got a hog works but it's kind of a [TS]

  long strange story but I had a chair i [TS]

  left it this is this is not a Donovan [TS]

  song but I had a chair haha i left it [TS]

  somewhere [TS]

  it disappeared and i was saying my hair [TS]

  and then it came back another time in [TS]

  the chair was back but then I lost again [TS]

  and there are other agents that might be [TS]

  moving the chairs or there's so many [TS]

  things I try not to think about too much [TS]

  but it's a funny story about this thing [TS]

  right here [TS]

  my friend my friend Lance walked over to [TS]

  my house I don't know if we've been [TS]

  drinking to get there the night before [TS]

  but we were both really hungover this is [TS]

  probably late 1990s 19 anyone he walked [TS]

  over to my house and hang out and we [TS]

  both had some ibuprofen laying on the [TS]

  floor and he had a big cup of coffee cup [TS]

  of coffee and he left his coffee cup at [TS]

  my house and I am using it right the [TS]

  second we're using the coffee cup that [TS]

  Lance left at my house 25 years ago wow [TS]

  now I you know I nurse this i use this [TS]

  everyday this is my office coffee cup at [TS]

  this point it's also see photo it's a [TS]

  nice big cup it's it's like it's almost [TS]

  like a Stein and it's got lots of [TS]

  beautiful trees on it and it survived [TS]

  all those years is one of the few things [TS]

  in my life that hasn't broken I i love [TS]

  that story [TS]

  thank you but that's just like you you [TS]

  maintain that relationship by keeping [TS]

  that stuff in play [TS]

  yeah i have talked to many years but I [TS]

  still enjoy his cup he's a lot of this [TS]

  kind of thing we put it in a box and you [TS]

  say oh I've got to get this [TS]

  no it's not a collectible yeah yeah I [TS]

  don't know I've got to get this back to [TS]

  him [TS]

  oh no no he's never getting this back it [TS]

  would be kinda cool like especially like [TS]

  a no-go for babies on his deathbed his [TS]

  coffee cup back [TS]

  yeah yeah sure that's a little [TS]

  on-the-nose work that's where it gets [TS]

  married me up ringtone there it's not [TS]

  like you've ever left anything at my [TS]

  house unintentionally because it's a [TS]

  it's a very small number of times that [TS]

  you've never left your house that's [TS]

  that's true but but there have been a [TS]

  couple of times where you you loaned me [TS]

  some I've loan has lent or gifted you a [TS]

  strange array of things who somewhat [TS]

  recovered before but I really appreciate [TS]

  the fact that you you're so gracious at [TS]

  receiving things [TS]

  thank you know you really are I mean [TS]

  like when I go like oh here's this bag [TS]

  that was really expensive that I don't [TS]

  like and I lost the strap do you want it [TS]

  and you're like you really can capture [TS]

  i'll have it [TS]

  and then I found the strap and give you [TS]

  the strap you did and that bag is a [TS]

  great bag that man ack did i tell you [TS]

  that i tell you that i found the [TS]

  matching bag [TS]

  no way it's that was it red ox it's [TS]

  right off its a that was the bag on like [TS]

  those like learn how to pack one bag [TS]

  websites that was the one that was [TS]

  recommended and I hated it it was you [TS]

  had to carry on your shoulder and was [TS]

  like Lou big yeah yeah too big for not [TS]

  having wheels or something [TS]

  yeah if you're going to pack a small bag [TS]

  have the bag be small that's really you [TS]

  know what that's a great tip you know [TS]

  what I'm saying i do but so I was at a [TS]

  thrift store months later and i found [TS]

  the the identical red ox bag except blue [TS]

  wow that's so cool yeah and it was only [TS]

  a dollar that's a that's a costly bag [TS]

  yeah and I said Merlin told me this was [TS]

  a costly bag it's obviously a costly bag [TS]

  by the amount of expense that's evident [TS]

  in it in the quality of its manufacturer [TS]

  it seems like something that was made in [TS]

  America it feels great hearty it's a [TS]

  hardy bag it's got a nice got really [TS]

  nice zippers on it it's like a the beef [TS]

  stew of bags mike is more expensive than [TS]

  I remember [TS]

  and so I did you know what that's like a [TS]

  one of a kind of like a thick satchel em [TS]

  like they're like it's called a fix [TS]

  actual phone call the mini-boss on my [TS]

  god [TS]

  anyway i bought the second one and now i [TS]

  have a matching set on basically they're [TS]

  like I could turn them into motorcycle [TS]

  pans if I allowed myself to consider [TS]

  riding a motorcycle oh don't do that [TS]

  I've taken just recently I've taken [TS]

  riding motorcycles out of the can't wait [TS]

  to do it any day now file and put it [TS]

  into I wonder if I'm ever going to be [TS]

  able to revisit that I all really [TS]

  interesting [TS]

  yeah and I don't like having done it but [TS]

  I I just tell you I mean I know I kind [TS]

  of don't want to talk about it because I [TS]

  worry about you worried about your [TS]

  safety but I could I could really see [TS]

  you in the motorcycle i could see the [TS]

  three motorcycles [TS]

  oh no oh I know I and I you know I could [TS]

  see me getting three motorcycles too but [TS]

  i would need to live somewhere where [TS]

  didn't rain all the time all a top like [TS]

  the nation's likes steepest most [TS]

  difficult hills to traverse mhm like [TS]

  it's just this is a stupid town on a [TS]

  motorcycle in unless you have one of [TS]

  those motorcycles that's like died I [TS]

  motorcycle like if i lived in San Diego [TS]

  no never it's flat it's dry as flat as [TS]

  dry you just get on your motorcycle [TS]

  put-put-put you go from place to place [TS]

  if you like a Navy SEAL you're here at [TS]

  the Navy SEAL basis right out to the [TS]

  beach on your on your crotch rocket [TS]

  there you go that's exactly right but i [TS]

  have a have a friend who was a was a [TS]

  loss Angelino motorcyclist who just died [TS]

  just a time when a car he's been riding [TS]

  motorcycles his whole life he's [TS]

  obviously very good at riding motorcycle [TS]

  he's not he's not like didn't just hop [TS]

  on a motorcycle been writing an email [TS]

  way we're 25 years and just car mr. car [TS]

  I'm so sorry not a thing that he could [TS]

  have been anything about that's what i [TS]

  said if your motorcycle you just have to [TS]

  assume that nobody sees you you have to [TS]

  yeah it already is it was my daughter [TS]

  like I said when we look at whatever way [TS]

  across the street I would say to her you [TS]

  are a motorcycle [TS]

  the thing is nobody sees motorcycles [TS]

  because they're not the pattern matching [TS]

  for driving a car does not account for [TS]

  bicycles motorcycles anything it's not [TS]

  another car people just to ICU they [TS]

  don't see you and the thing is they [TS]

  don't even see other cars people are [TS]

  crashing into things all the time and if [TS]

  he had been in a car this person still [TS]

  might have crashed into him [TS]

  it's just that he wouldn't have been [TS]

  like dismembered you must have to become [TS]

  very you know phrase defensive driving [TS]

  you must have to become so aware of your [TS]

  surroundings you know when you get such [TS]

  v square inches of tire on the road at a [TS]

  given time and you've got so much [TS]

  potential power under you i mean you [TS]

  could I mean it's just you know any [TS]

  almost any motorcycle you could get on [TS]

  and go really fast really quickly if you [TS]

  bring a lot you know I'm [TS]

  I'm not criticizing and I have we have a [TS]

  friend out there who enjoys the show the [TS]

  most of guy and so I'm you know I'm not [TS]

  riding motorcycles but it must take a [TS]

  lot of self-restraint and a lot of [TS]

  self-awareness to be safe on a [TS]

  motorcycle [TS]

  this is my problem on a motorcycle [TS]

  because when i get on a motorcycle [TS]

  I'm like a super cautious respectful [TS]

  driver and then have to learn how to get [TS]

  how to do one you can do a motorcycle [TS]

  i'll have driven a motorcycle across [TS]

  America halfway across America until I [TS]

  crashed it [TS]

  ok ok let's not let's not focus on the [TS]

  crashing probably not liar [TS]

  let's talk about let's let's focus on [TS]

  that this all the safe driving ID right [TS]

  up until i graphed feels like an [TS]

  important metaphor for something that's [TS]

  been spent a considerable amount of time [TS]

  in the hospital and then went to jail [TS]

  let's not let's not go through that [TS]

  whole chain of events every story [TS]

  requires careful editing will head to [TS]

  think about the good safe time I spent [TS]

  on the moors but I you know I'm a Vespa [TS]

  rider all of us until very recently but [TS]

  the problem is when i get on a high pass [TS]

  a hypo motorcycle one that has this [TS]

  power that you're talking about working [TS]

  with a flick of a wrist you can go from [TS]

  zero to a thousand very very quickly [TS]

  surprisingly quickly like shocking to [TS]

  myself how quickly it happens I turn [TS]

  into that person where someone's in the [TS]

  left-turn lane and they're not they [TS]

  they're waiting for the traffic to come [TS]

  the other direction to make their turn [TS]

  someone's in the right lane with their [TS]

  blinker on waiting to turn right to do a [TS]

  right at the light but there's someone [TS]

  in the crosswalk walking and I thread [TS]

  the like three-and-a-half feet between [TS]

  the bumpers of the two cars at 45 miles [TS]

  an hour [TS]

  em and with the full knowledge that [TS]

  there's someone coming the opposite [TS]

  direction with their blinker on about to [TS]

  turn right in front of me but you see [TS]

  you see that opportunity and it just [TS]

  feels like that's John size hole too [TS]

  so here we go because I see that the [TS]

  people walking across the crosswalk that [TS]

  are blocking the guy that's about to [TS]

  turn in front of me are still blocking [TS]

  him enough that if [TS]

  everybody behaves perfectly rational e.m [TS]

  there's a slot here for me and what then [TS]

  I do it and end my blood goes cold [TS]

  I'm like you idiot that is the classics [TS]

  situation if one of those people is even [TS]

  slightly distracted if one of them [TS]

  behave even slightly abnormally which [TS]

  everyone does all the time then you are [TS]

  a casualty think why did they stop [TS]

  moving in the same trajectory that [TS]

  you're expecting or they make a little [TS]

  micro change and everything so it takes [TS]

  micro change because a lot of those are [TS]

  that slot isn't three feet yet the slot [TS]

  has not opened yet because everybody's [TS]

  still slightly in motion your schedule [TS]

  to see how your skating with the fuck is [TS]

  going to be that's right you see the [TS]

  opportunity right you're leading the [TS]

  you're here you're in a Sopwith Camel [TS]

  you are leading the fucker tribe wing [TS]

  and that was a new house brand new [TS]

  technology then we can end it away i [TS]

  feel like it still is a brand-new [TS]

  technology now but that is the thing [TS]

  that keep that that gets me back off the [TS]

  motorcycle I park the motorcycle and I [TS]

  say daddy's not old enough yet to drive [TS]

  a motorcycle even though he's 47 years [TS]

  old he does not have the good sense that [TS]

  God gave a chicken cannot cannot stand [TS]

  in a field and look up at the rain until [TS]

  he drowns checking the weather so I [TS]

  stopped so i stopped and then I spent [TS]

  but the thing is that doesn't stop me [TS]

  from Step sitting online and saying wow [TS]

  that looks cycle boy if I had that [TS]

  motorcycle then all of my problems would [TS]

  be solved I see the appeal because it's [TS]

  not so different from the appeal of a [TS]

  bicycle which is just this like this is [TS]

  this this little thing that you can get [TS]

  lots it or even a skateboard like [TS]

  there's little thing that can get me [TS]

  lots of places but in that case man [TS]

  that's that's part of the American dream [TS]

  to a motorcycle [TS]

  well yeah it's could I see what you're [TS]

  saying about the bicycle but in another [TS]

  way it's utterly unlike a bicycle [TS]

  because if you are invited to a wedding [TS]

  let's say you can I don't know much [TS]

  about weddings the ends into that me [TS]

  previously stipulated but i'm guessing [TS]

  if you're invited to a wedding and you [TS]

  ride up to the wedding on a bicycle [TS]

  shingling is in your gear and write with [TS]

  your little your little flippy hat and [TS]

  you're and you're clapping shoes and [TS]

  your you're like the wet pants or [TS]

  whatever [TS]

  Oh like but that's not how you roll or [TS]

  maybe like one of those rear view [TS]

  mirrors that's clipped to your glasses [TS]

  right that's not how you roll up to a [TS]

  wedding but if you roll up to a wedding [TS]

  on a like a superboss seventies style [TS]

  like chopped hardtail panhead [TS]

  mm well no I like those words you roll [TS]

  up to a wedding it on on one of those in [TS]

  a in a tuxedo with some like some bausch [TS]

  and lomb like commando sunglasses with [TS]

  your with your date on the back with [TS]

  your date riding on the back fender [TS]

  because you don't even have a passenger [TS]

  you paint quite a picture my friend [TS]

  you're you're not riding up to that [TS]

  wedding on a bicycle who you know now [TS]

  right you're right you're absolutely [TS]

  right you are riding up to that wedding [TS]

  on a carpet of dreams [TS]

  oh my goodness on a fucking on a rain on [TS]

  a loud rainbow his way you know like a [TS]

  rainbow with a bumper sticker that says [TS]

  a lot of pipe save lives and then the [TS]

  wedding belongs to you write some fried [TS]

  everything belongs to you can leave that [TS]

  wedding with whatever any problems in [TS]

  love but only this show by paul williams [TS]

  in this case [TS]

  yeah you show up he show up on your gas [TS]

  Molly with your with your heavy breaks [TS]

  and you're in your passion loam a [TS]

  costume [TS]

  yeah and then all of a sudden you're [TS]

  like Bugsy mala and the bride's thinking [TS]

  man I sit on that tailpipe [TS]

  hell yes LOL the tailpipe is wrapped in [TS]

  some is wrapped in like fabric tape [TS]

  that's your gift to her because boom [TS]

  pumping yeah right your gift to that [TS]

  wedding is that you came [TS]

  mmm [TS]

  didn't know so I I just feel like but I [TS]

  had to step I had to step back from that [TS]

  and then of course the other flip the [TS]

  other motorcycle is the is the tsunami [TS]

  motorcycle the apocalypse motorcycle [TS]

  while we're doing that well let's say [TS]

  you're living in long beach california [TS]

  or gearhart or again or long beach [TS]

  Washington every every state has a long [TS]

  beach always writes like a Springfield [TS]

  it's like sprinkles or at least every [TS]

  beach and on the west coast for every [TS]

  state in the west coast when there are [TS]

  only three they each have a long beach [TS]

  i'm guessing that's always be more [TS]

  simply should be five all of oregon is a [TS]

  long beach who is just one big language [TS]

  okay but i want to live I want to have a [TS]

  house in gearhart oregon or down by uh [TS]

  you know down by cannon beach want to [TS]

  have a house right because nice and I [TS]

  don't I'm I don't want to talk about it [TS]

  too much on this podcast because i don't [TS]

  want other people that go there no [TS]

  looky-loos gonna be saying well maybe I [TS]

  should get into that vertical yeah like [TS]

  let's get down to that lets go down to [TS]

  the oregon coast and get ourselves a [TS]

  house and for the ll the middle class [TS]

  white people come in really well that's [TS]

  already happened but now for Portland is [TS]

  a small town relative to other cities [TS]

  and the number of people that the number [TS]

  of people that Portland can the number [TS]

  of likes poor people that Portland can [TS]

  actually put out into the world to ruin [TS]

  everything [TS]

  it's like a lot fewer people like Boston [TS]

  every day is just sending out spores [TS]

  that are just ruining things for other [TS]

  people and this darkness race start with [TS]

  a larger number of people right that's [TS]

  right that's right there bear in the [TS]

  process right now of ruining western [TS]

  Massachusetts which was ruined by a [TS]

  previous generation in a different [TS]

  direction right like the 3d at the trip [TS]

  the the generation in western [TS]

  Massachusetts that ruined it by focusing [TS]

  on manufacturing and doing bad business [TS]

  and turning all those into abandoned [TS]

  factory towns they were bad [TS]

  did John Hodgman have any role in this [TS]

  well he's certainly a pioneer country of [TS]

  the of the next generation of runners [TS]

  who were the the early middle-aged you [TS]

  know like affluent middle-class people [TS]

  who are now going out to western [TS]

  Massachusetts and buying old manor [TS]

  houses and turning them into sex tens or [TS]

  something all the people all the people [TS]

  that used to be that used to be in [TS]

  Dinosaur Jr who are now living [TS]

  Dinosaur Jr who are now living [TS]

  and you know on on 50 acres gamer but i [TS]

  do not want i do not want any more [TS]

  people my age who currently live in [TS]

  portland or seattle to go out to a [TS]

  cannon beach and make it any harder to [TS]

  live there [TS]

  ok but if you do live there particularly [TS]

  if you live in in gear harder seaside or [TS]

  something like that and you hear those [TS]

  tsunami sirens which are indicating one [TS]

  of two things either there was a giant [TS]

  giant giant earthquake in japan and you [TS]

  have like my don't know how many hours [TS]

  but like a significant number of hours [TS]

  while that wave goes all the way across [TS]

  the ocean or there was just a earthquake [TS]

  on the Pacific plate right there [TS]

  portese and it's actually catch a break [TS]

  man [TS]

  newzealand others a big ones like an [TS]

  eight-point something new zealand [TS]

  alright because New Zealand is a young [TS]

  young country it's just that was a [TS]

  terrible earthquake nothing about me but [TS]

  like right slick with a day or two after [TS]

  we've flown out of this is terrible [TS]

  earthquake there so awful common [TS]

  wonderful country they don't deserve [TS]

  earthquakes so I some of our new zealand [TS]

  listeners who are among our best [TS]

  listeners i love that country so much [TS]

  they are right now dealing with the [TS]

  dealing with earthquake aftermath [TS]

  yeah but the nice thing about New [TS]

  Zealand of course is that if you leave [TS]

  the water if you leave the coast and [TS]

  head inland you go uphill pretty fast [TS]

  right like New Zealand's not a swampy [TS]

  country em right here you get the the [TS]

  secret to getting away from a a an ocean [TS]

  wave is to go up ocean wave right okay [TS]

  yeah right here comes ocean wave who [TS]

  head up finally most up place you can be [TS]

  and go there okay if you're at the [TS]

  nearest up place is like a tower made [TS]

  out of toothpicks that somebody made for [TS]

  a science fair that's not enough [TS]

  ok go if you can find a little up land [TS]

  go up land but if you're on the Oregon [TS]

  coast the up land is John [TS]

  just far enough away you can see it but [TS]

  you can't run to it so so so how do you [TS]

  how do you decide how to proceed in the [TS]

  event you wanted to get some kind of [TS]

  organ beachfront property how what's [TS]

  your thought process for deciding so [TS]

  here to do about that [TS]

  here's what I'm assuming yeah you're [TS]

  buying your organ coast property you [TS]

  already have a vintage four-by-four [TS]

  because that's one of the first things [TS]

  you should get em I vintage four-by-four [TS]

  that's like that's like a long time [TS]

  before you're thinking about a beach [TS]

  house but when you get the beach house [TS]

  you realize my vintage four-by-four is [TS]

  just exactly like everybody else's [TS]

  vintage four-by-four out here there's [TS]

  only one Road out of town and it's gonna [TS]

  be it's gonna be completely jammed with [TS]

  vintage four by fours and you're done [TS]

  you know if you like pile everybody in [TS]

  the vintage four-by-four and say we're [TS]

  headed to the hills [TS]

  no you died in a traffic jam so what you [TS]

  need is to stay is the greater [TS]

  four-by-four theory that's right exactly [TS]

  right [TS]

  what you need is two high-powered enduro [TS]

  motorcycles their gassed up and ready to [TS]

  go with Swift side you know that would [TS]

  like hardcase side bag and see your [TS]

  hacking system a little bit [TS]

  that's right who and you and whoever [TS]

  you're with [TS]

  whether it be your spouse or significant [TS]

  other you have both practiced this where [TS]

  you run out to your covered secret [TS]

  garage hop on motorcycles brain bomb and [TS]

  then you're off and you are using the [TS]

  roads only as much as net and needed but [TS]

  you have a route that you can do if the [TS]

  roads are all jammed full of you for her [TS]

  status is a bug out and bug let's bug [TS]

  out we've rehearsed this right now we [TS]

  don't have to we don't have to that we [TS]

  don't have enough gear to survive for 40 [TS]

  days because a life I've further than [TS]

  you that's right out riding the tiger [TS]

  all we have to do is get all we have to [TS]

  do is close the distance between us and [TS]

  five miles from here like as fast as we [TS]

  can [TS]

  Oh on the assumption that everybody else [TS]

  is going to be trying to do that at the [TS]

  same time but they're not going to have [TS]

  these high-powered motorcycles who and [TS]

  then once you get there you watch the [TS]

  waves come in you feel [TS]

  yeah i mean obviously you're not [TS]

  gloating you feel bad for everyone sure [TS]

  and then the wave goes out east you [TS]

  don't go back immediately because [TS]

  there's going to be that next wave [TS]

  second wave like wave to point out [TS]

  mhm but then when the waves come down [TS]

  and everything in and everything goes [TS]

  back to just being like a big huge [TS]

  burning garbage heap who like you've got [TS]

  your motorcycle yet in the saddlebags [TS]

  you had presumably a key to your normal [TS]

  house and some rain jackets or whatever [TS]

  and you're you're like puce arrived so [TS]

  also you have to teach your kids to grab [TS]

  onto the back like little baby monkeys [TS]

  to grab onto the back of your jacket and [TS]

  hold on for dear life like everybody's [TS]

  gotta know what to do and these are not [TS]

  the kinds of decisions you you are [TS]

  wanted to be thinking about for the [TS]

  first time on bug-out day sure when you [TS]

  hear the tsunami silent sirens that is [TS]

  not the time to go to the motorcycle [TS]

  store and start shopping from mhm but [TS]

  these motorcycles are expensive and so [TS]

  it's it would be pretty weird to buy [TS]

  them and just keep them as tsunami [TS]

  motorcycles right you'd also want a ride [TS]

  or you're not Batman right right i mean [TS]

  i'm going to counseling specific [TS]

  motorcycles for spits specific cases [TS]

  smelling a cummerbund right right [TS]

  although all you need is one cumberbund [TS]

  yeah is that right yeah just get a black [TS]

  satin cumber bun that's right so you got [TS]

  to avoid the jokey like do you want a [TS]

  plat or something don't do don't ok [TS]

  don't if you're if you are in a wedding [TS]

  party and year and you have a ties and [TS]

  comer buns that match one another here [TS]

  you're already in the wrong wedding [TS]

  party you should not be friends with [TS]

  those people wish people could bring us [TS]

  into help with those kinds of things we [TS]

  get we can help you see now in my case [TS]

  I've been to a lot of weddings John's [TS]

  officiate a bunch of wedding present [TS]

  in too many I think we could bring a [TS]

  really fresh out of somebody's wedding [TS]

  and we could probably save you some [TS]

  money [TS]

  well yeah absolutely but I mean that's [TS]

  the craziest thing about weddings that I [TS]

  hear about which is we tried to do this [TS]

  a different way we try to have fun with [TS]

  our wedding and the further we got into [TS]

  having a wedding we realized that [TS]

  there's an industry of people who are [TS]

  trying to tell you can't have fun you [TS]

  just have to do it a certain way and [TS]

  that way cost it's like it's like my mom [TS]

  used to say about going to the hardware [TS]

  store down by the yacht club she said [TS]

  all the stuff at the hardware store [TS]

  that's in town advice one-quarter of [TS]

  this the price of the same exact thing [TS]

  at the hardware store by the by your [TS]

  sunscreen before you get to the resort [TS]

  because if you buy it in that little [TS]

  that little tumble down fish shack whole [TS]

  brother is what you say if you say hey [TS]

  we'd like to rent your event space [TS]

  because we are we want to have a big [TS]

  paintball expo we want to we want to [TS]

  fill this place with smoke machines and [TS]

  play laser tag yeah they're going to [TS]

  quote you a price [TS]

  mm oh it's $15 to run our place for a [TS]

  smoke machine laser tag do not mention [TS]

  you want to paintball wedding because [TS]

  that word order of magnitude [TS]

  that's right appear like we're gonna [TS]

  fill this place with smoke machines and [TS]

  have alleged attack wedding whoa hello [TS]

  linking seven grand but the problem is [TS]

  you can't fake them out because people [TS]

  smell weddings so you're like hey we're [TS]

  just having a big laser part but AG [TS]

  party here when I find it I trying to [TS]

  tell you're trying to convince your [TS]

  plumber the the problem is not a big [TS]

  deal before they come out and taking [TS]

  you're going to pay last because of that [TS]

  you know they do this everyday lives out [TS]

  with these these people pikers this [TS]

  isn't my first rodeo so and and it and [TS]

  every case they're like thursday we're [TS]

  gonna have value is this your first day [TS]

  like I would think that at your wedding [TS]

  knowing you [TS]

  yeah that you would have tried to have [TS]

  it catered by subway [TS]

  mm-hmm eyes at my thesis defense really [TS]

  baccalaureate yeah I had a we brought in [TS]

  a like 40 pieces of popeyes I'm gonna be [TS]

  honest with you some people were not [TS]

  there just to hear about cultural [TS]

  criticism TV I [TS]

  I think some people were therefore for a [TS]

  spicy breast so you made your thesis [TS]

  defense an event that people can people [TS]

  came and like cocktail party at then my [TS]

  school every baccalaureate defense is a [TS]

  public event anybody can come see [TS]

  icic boy there's some tough ones i want [TS]

  my name is easy the first thanksgiving i [TS]

  ever spent away from home [TS]

  I got a bucket of kentucky fried chicken [TS]

  and went to a pro wrestling match [TS]

  wow that was in America that was my [TS]

  thesis defense and that again [TS]

  minneapolis I don't know why I keep [TS]

  coming back to Minneapolis mm let's talk [TS]

  about the election you mean yeah sure i [TS]

  don't know maybe a couple people been [TS]

  fast-forwarding through like an hour in [TS]

  nine minutes to get to this listening to [TS]

  it on forex don't belittle election [TS]

  yeah that you know i just ate everybody [TS]

  I'm grateful you listen to the show but [TS]

  when you send your plot its for how much [TS]

  you enjoy the whole show when a third of [TS]

  the time that the show takes to listen [TS]

  to has passed [TS]

  given the fear people listen to show [TS]

  very quickly you and me did not i don't [TS]

  listen to anything found on weed almost [TS]

  a podcast but I always listen at you [TS]

  know a reasonable speed but some people [TS]

  they listen to show very quickly that's [TS]

  how they get through the backlog that's [TS]

  how to get through so many shows a [TS]

  really I I couldn't imagine listening to [TS]

  this program on fast speed because of [TS]

  how important some of the pregnant [TS]

  pauses are mm right like there are a lot [TS]

  of times when you let a beat go by and [TS]

  the beat is as eloquent as anything [TS]

  anything you say like beat the beat that [TS]

  tells us it beat ya and and those beats [TS]

  i think are lost [TS]

  if you have to change the tempo [TS]

  obviously that interview that hourglass [TS]

  did with Mike Daisey after it was [TS]

  revealed that Mikey's expose of the [TS]

  Apple factors in China was not you know [TS]

  one person copacetic back wise and [TS]

  there's one point in that interview when [TS]

  he asks mike daisey something and [TS]

  there's a positive you know you know how [TS]

  it is with these kinds of things it felt [TS]

  like it was two minutes long [TS]

  it was probably like eight seconds like [TS]

  if you didn't hear that pause you didn't [TS]

  really hear that interview sure you [TS]

  missed the whole thing [TS]

  it's like Sean always says you know [TS]

  sometimes the restaurant as important as [TS]

  the notes the risks right too many [TS]

  directions the exact but I don't know [TS]

  shawn says that by feeling we should [TS]

  give him some credit [TS]

  shawn says too many notes for the ear to [TS]

  hear em that's what shawn says nobody [TS]

  knows for the years is that Leopold [TS]

  what's-his-name huh [TS]

  Jeffrey Jeffrey Jones played him a place [TS]

  on Nelson they play Shawn Nelson in that [TS]

  movie with the ciliary yeah too many [TS]

  notes too many times for the UT i don't [TS]

  know I idea i don't listen to this [TS]

  program on anything other than the speed [TS]

  that we recorded because that's one of [TS]

  the tenants of it otherwise your band is [TS]

  David recent say you're banned from the [TS]

  show okay I don't I just I feel like I [TS]

  don't at this moment have a lot to say [TS]

  but I feel like our listeners probably [TS]

  are looking forward to what you have to [TS]

  say and I I don't know if you talked [TS]

  about Sudan I don't think he did [TS]

  did you add and also I mean Dan started [TS]

  the the podcast and it was like what the [TS]

  day after the election two days later [TS]

  huh [TS]

  and he was like boy you know I sure did [TS]

  have a lot of open this morning or [TS]

  whatever he was like let's talk about [TS]

  dinosaurs and we got about this far into [TS]

  the show an hour so when I was like ten [TS]

  are you sincerely going to try and not [TS]

  talk about the election you like 24 [TS]

  hours after the election and he was like [TS]

  basically like what election [TS]

  I mean it went and it was and it seemed [TS]

  like that that's a good summer is almost [TS]

  every conversation then thats it was it [TS]

  was pretty brilliant though I like i sat [TS]

  on the toadstool of it was smoking my [TS]

  hookah and said wow like Nam estates and [TS]

  say yeah and we just kept talking about [TS]

  a herb heart pill boxes and and like [TS]

  finger feel like a finger time [TS]

  serenity now and and so what that did [TS]

  was it kind of put me in a put me in a [TS]

  place where i was like huh [TS]

  do I have a hot take that is worth a [TS]

  good goddamn and oh and that can't wait [TS]

  do I have a hot take the can't wait [TS]

  yeah because I for the last week i have [TS]

  logged onto the internet every day i [TS]

  have read up just threw a few things and [TS]

  have just not like slammed my computer [TS]

  shut just very slowly shut my computer [TS]

  and said this is not there [TS]

  this is not helping listening to people [TS]

  yell at each other is not helping [TS]

  listening to people blame each other is [TS]

  not helping and listening to people tell [TS]

  me and other people what is what reality [TS]

  is or what our obligation is ornate and [TS]

  how I should feel how you should feel [TS]

  how you shouldn't feel is a big thing [TS]

  how your how you're not entitled to feel [TS]

  how you're not entitled to feel as a [TS]

  thing how you need to be quiet or how [TS]

  you don't need to be quiet [TS]

  how you like you are absolutely monish [TS]

  22 never be quiet again or that your [TS]

  voice isn't needed right now because you [TS]

  are part of the problem and so you [TS]

  absolutely should shut up like every [TS]

  single fame has not helped and so I've [TS]

  been doing chores [TS]

  I've been eating cereal I've been taking [TS]

  care of my kid and and doing the things [TS]

  that are right in front of me with the [TS]

  kind of like with the quietude of [TS]

  knowing that I am NOT like my online [TS]

  participation is not needed right and [TS]

  and nothing's going to change as a [TS]

  result of it right now i will rejoin [TS]

  this conversation in a little bit I it's [TS]

  not that I have been thinking about it [TS]

  but like the idea I didn't end it [TS]

  immediately afterwards I had so many hot [TS]

  takes my hand hot takes it was hot takes [TS]

  all the way down and I had lectures I [TS]

  was going to give about it and I have [TS]

  you know like I i was making powerpoints [TS]

  in my mind [TS]

  am I don't know how to make a powerpoint [TS]

  yeah you don't need to know in your mind [TS]

  you can always do a tutorial later [TS]

  uh-huh right i could I just go on [TS]

  youtube and learn to play the harmonica [TS]

  slide but I but you know maybe it was [TS]

  the maybe it was like the Buddha that [TS]

  like it was Dan Buddha German who maybe [TS]

  realize that looks like it is here that [TS]

  to say what electric what was there an [TS]

  election was like yeah right right yeah [TS]

  I know just done i did a we were talking [TS]

  about whether we should do a show last [TS]

  week and asked if you wanted to and then [TS]

  in that interregnum i had scheduled the [TS]

  show with my friend John Gruber so I've [TS]

  already talked for two hours about how i [TS]

  feel about what happened with feelings [TS]

  and and people like the right people [TS]

  were were grateful on [TS]

  yes I got teary from what some people [TS]

  said it was like you know yeah whatever [TS]

  like a I'm another white guy but like in [TS]

  her this is her my heart a lot but I so [TS]

  anyway I just want to say like [TS]

  that'sthat's a place where i have [TS]

  discussed that it's not so much to [TS]

  encourage you to listen but to like that [TS]

  gave me a little bit of like getting [TS]

  through the first part which is just the [TS]

  feelings and I i would like to say I'm [TS]

  further along than that of six days [TS]

  later and I'm still have so many [TS]

  conflicting things going on right now [TS]

  one of those conflicting things is I [TS]

  still haven't gotten past the feelings [TS]

  part and I and so i'm not i don't i'm [TS]

  not really not trying to criticize [TS]

  anybody's strong feelings that aren't [TS]

  mine but like there's this part of me [TS]

  that says I need to sit with this for a [TS]

  little while and I understand the app I [TS]

  feel like I absolutely understand like [TS]

  no it's time to get to work i do [TS]

  understand that and I respect that and [TS]

  like I subscribe to new york times [TS]

  finally yesterday like I know it's not a [TS]

  lot but I'm what I'm trying to say is [TS]

  like him for myself like maybe maybe [TS]

  this is something we should take a [TS]

  little bit more time with [TS]

  because i don't think we need more hot [TS]

  takes right now and I I help people take [TS]

  this in the spirit its intended but like [TS]

  there is this impulse in me that I can [TS]

  locate as feeling very similar to an [TS]

  impulse that I would feel at a time when [TS]

  that say i was in college and got very [TS]

  upset about something happening [TS]

  happening in the community or politics [TS]

  and I'm trying to trying to set that [TS]

  feeling aside and leave it right [TS]

  I'm trying to put that aside for just a [TS]

  little while until i still figure out a [TS]

  little bit more about the feelings part [TS]

  which I know is a very privileged place [TS]

  to be but like I don't know what i could [TS]

  say right now that would make a huge [TS]

  difference [TS]

  I'm not ready to try and say anything [TS]

  intelligent yet no and I'm not saying [TS]

  you shouldn't but like for myself it's [TS]

  just I'm not ready for the fray yet and [TS]

  I that probably makes me less of a [TS]

  citizen I might look back at this this [TS]

  week and say well I wonder how much [TS]

  opportunity lost by not jumping onto [TS]

  something I I feel like I'm just not [TS]

  ready to do that yet I feel like the [TS]

  answer is none like a nun and and partly [TS]

  for myself it is that like I have very [TS]

  strong feelings obviously like as it was [TS]

  unfolding I was I had no idea that I [TS]

  would feel that strongly but i was wrong [TS]

  i was i was profoundly wrong about a lot [TS]

  of things might take leading up to it [TS]

  was wrong [TS]

  um and and a lot of people were wrong [TS]

  most people were wrong no that's one of [TS]

  those rare occasions where we see [TS]

  everybody was wrong [TS]

  we don't mean everybody was wrong on one [TS]

  quote unquote side there's almost nobody [TS]

  that was right [TS]

  nobody was right nobody and you know it [TS]

  for example like you know people are [TS]

  really hard on 538 right now but one [TS]

  thing that I think is interesting about [TS]

  what 538 says they're trying to show you [TS]

  first of all these are not our polls [TS]

  these other people's polls but I'm [TS]

  really interesting that idea of like [TS]

  here's the polls and here's how [TS]

  all confident we are in the polls it's [TS]

  not just that we saw and so stepping [TS]

  away from that for a minute [TS]

  it's that we saw the world in this [TS]

  certain way and 24 myself to a like [TS]

  fairly high 80 percent-plus level of [TS]

  certainty that I was seeing something [TS]

  that was true or feeling something that [TS]

  was true right it's not part of it right [TS]

  right there was not well I was not I was [TS]

  not actually fought with self-doubt [TS]

  until somewhere around 5 30 or six on [TS]

  Tuesday [TS]

  yeah i mean i was doing a show that [TS]

  night and we were backstage did you get [TS]

  through with the show with the backstage [TS]

  like eating the little petty fours [TS]

  yeah and tuning our guitars and [TS]

  imagining that we were about to do a [TS]

  show that was full of triumph and like [TS]

  our first female president and [TS]

  immediately before we walked on stage we [TS]

  all like looked at our phones to see [TS]

  what was going on and 538 right in front [TS]

  of our eyes went from eighty-five [TS]

  percent certainty that that mrs. Clinton [TS]

  would be elected secretary clinton to [TS]

  sixty-five percent to 51-percent and we [TS]

  were like say what [TS]

  and then we took the stage and onstage [TS]

  all of us were like stunned [TS]

  deer-in-the-headlights level of stunned [TS]

  and I was hosting the show where three [TS]

  of us sitting on stage with guitars and [TS]

  then there was a poet and then a woman [TS]

  painting while we were doing the show it [TS]

  was it was this kind of show and I said [TS]

  to the audience look uh things are not [TS]

  things are changing very rapidly i would [TS]

  like to say everyone turned their phone [TS]

  off and let's just be in the room [TS]

  together for two and a half hours [TS]

  listening to music and and being part of [TS]

  art and I everybody agreed and we just [TS]

  sat in like it didn't banish the [TS]

  feelings but I had the I and my at and [TS]

  the audience and my fellow musicians had [TS]

  two more hours of just listening to one [TS]

  another play and enjoying like [TS]

  friendship in and guitar did you get [TS]

  that standing next to the band playing [TS]

  nearer my God to thee as the up but but [TS]

  then when we rejoined the world it like [TS]

  fait accompli right [TS]

  it happened and we didn't have to sit [TS]

  there for that two-and-a-half hours like [TS]

  watching everything crumble we just were [TS]

  like playing our guitars and then we [TS]

  came back we landed on the earth again [TS]

  we're like well guess what [TS]

  like everything is different but here's [TS]

  the here's my feeling right is that I [TS]

  was wrong [TS]

  everybody was wrong and not just wrong [TS]

  about what you know not not just wrong [TS]

  by 10 degrees but like wrong about what [TS]

  is going on and immediately what I saw [TS]

  was all these people that were wrong [TS]

  thinking that they're wrongness was an [TS]

  anomaly and now they were right again [TS]

  about everything they could begin [TS]

  immediately to say what needed to be [TS]

  done to say what other people needed to [TS]

  do to start talking about what needed to [TS]

  be done immediately that and if we [TS]

  didn't do it we were on the wrong side [TS]

  of history talking about who was who [TS]

  how how whether you should wear a safety [TS]

  pin or shouldn't whether you should [TS]

  organize or not whether you should be in [TS]

  the streets or not whether everybody was [TS]

  right again instantly and for me I said [TS]

  my reaction was I was fucking wrong and [TS]

  I do not presume to be immediately write [TS]

  about any maybe we need to just be wrong [TS]

  for a little while like sit on your [TS]

  fucking wrong and think about how wrong [TS]

  you were and how that wrongness [TS]

  reverberates through your other certain [TS]

  certitudes and that isn't I mean that is [TS]

  healthy and that is that will affect [TS]

  what you do next which hopefully is is [TS]

  different [TS]

  you don't just come back into a thing [TS]

  and say well I was right about [TS]

  everything and this l and this election [TS]

  which I was which it turns out I was [TS]

  completely wrong about just confirms how [TS]

  right I was [TS]

  which is a which is a fallacy I've seen [TS]

  repeated a thousand times like right up [TS]

  until this election i was saying all [TS]

  these things that I was confident I was [TS]

  right in this happened negating [TS]

  everything and it proves how right I was [TS]

  little and it turned out differently in [TS]

  the other side did that same thing you [TS]

  tear them apart for not being realistic [TS]

  at well as everything how could you not [TS]

  accept these results and then this [TS]

  business about like do you have you [TS]

  cannot have any sympathy or consider the [TS]

  other side because that empowers them or [TS]

  that normalizes them and you know the [TS]

  fact is it just got normalized like I'm [TS]

  not normalizing them by saying huh [TS]

  whoa by not immediately you know by not [TS]

  going at them with the same language we [TS]

  were going at them before that produced [TS]

  the results that we didn't anticipate [TS]

  right i mean we did not buy by virtue of [TS]

  our fury at the at the racism sexism and [TS]

  in like just I mean racism sexism even [TS]

  you even those things are like subsumed [TS]

  beneath just the pure insanity of [TS]

  selecting someone who has never for a [TS]

  minute done any government work that's [TS]

  that you know that's just like what and [TS]

  you know form for my part [TS]

  my first thought was we have on both [TS]

  sides of the aisle become a country that [TS]

  is convinced that our problem is elites [TS]

  both the both the people on the [TS]

  conservative side and on the liberal [TS]

  side are convinced that it is elites who [TS]

  are the problem and the solution is a [TS]

  populism a populist movement where we [TS]

  put Outsiders in and the further left [TS]

  you go the more [TS]

  that conviction is true and the further [TS]

  right you go the more that condition is [TS]

  true that we are in combat culturally [TS]

  with these elites who are keeping us out [TS]

  and on the Left we think it is elites [TS]

  that are / dinner that are promulgating [TS]

  a white supremacy and a patriarchy and [TS]

  we need to roust those elites and put [TS]

  neophytes in those positions because [TS]

  people with no experience but with [TS]

  conviction are better in those jobs then [TS]

  people who have dedicated their lives to [TS]

  administration to government to [TS]

  thoughtful action to moderate behavior [TS]

  we need them out and related to people [TS]

  who've done the job but have also had to [TS]

  deal with the harsh realities of having [TS]

  to deal with people who don't agree with [TS]

  you that maybe have more power than you [TS]

  but have to find a way to compromise [TS]

  happening and negotiate and and [TS]

  facilitate a best practice even if it [TS]

  even if it isn't the most beautiful or [TS]

  the most radical and on the right of [TS]

  this equation there are people who feel [TS]

  like the elites are perpetuating a [TS]

  snobby East Coast dominated prissy [TS]

  pretentious lecturing hectoring form of [TS]

  social engineering and they need to [TS]

  eliminate the elites in order that real [TS]

  people who have real concerns who are [TS]

  real and authentic who have who haven't [TS]

  like in Donald Trump's case even read a [TS]

  book that they are better suited to this [TS]

  like to this job which is a job when i [TS]

  ran for office Iran thinking this very [TS]

  thing that the people in that were [TS]

  running downtown Seattle the city [TS]

  council was full of insiders [TS]

  who you know who couldn't see beyond the [TS]

  end of their knows who were compromised [TS]

  by their affiliations who were in bed [TS]

  with business and what they needed in [TS]

  there with some fresh blood in the form [TS]

  of me a like a freewheeling fun-lovin [TS]

  smart guy who who saw the problems in [TS]

  the city clear-eyed and was gonna roll [TS]

  in there and and just shake everything [TS]

  up and be somebody that sat on the City [TS]

  Council with a little bit of an ironic [TS]

  smirk and when problems came across the [TS]

  desk i would just know what to do and I [TS]

  wouldn't have I wouldn't be in bed with [TS]

  anybody and as I started to run and said [TS]

  well the first thing we need to do is [TS]

  build a unified transit system and the [TS]

  first person I met you know who was a 21 [TS]

  year old intern for somebody said well I [TS]

  mean you never be able to pay for that [TS]

  because the state legislature passed a [TS]

  law 15 years ago that limited the amount [TS]

  limited the ability of the CM city of [TS]

  seattle to raise money via taxation and [TS]

  so the state government would never pay [TS]

  for this transit program and the City of [TS]

  Seattle cannot does not have the taxing [TS]

  authority to pay for it either so what's [TS]

  your next plan and I was like whoa [TS]

  because i didn't know that the state [TS]

  legislature had passed this law and [TS]

  having passed it will see the city of [TS]

  seattle was bound by it and the [TS]

  legislature was not going to overturn it [TS]

  because because six-tenths of the [TS]

  legislature is from moses lake and [TS]

  Spokane and enumclaw and places where [TS]

  they don't share Seattle values so as I [TS]

  went through the process of running for [TS]

  office every step along the way I [TS]

  realized this is people's profession and [TS]

  they've spent their whole career [TS]

  it is isn't it I mean it's a craft it's [TS]

  a it's absolutely a craft and when [TS]

  somebody comes to the City Council and [TS]

  they say [TS]

  I want to raise the height limits in [TS]

  this zip code so that i can build an 80 [TS]

  story apartment tower that where the you [TS]

  know the cheapest department is a [TS]

  million-five there are 40 other groups [TS]

  that feel like their stakeholders in [TS]

  that choice and each one of them has a [TS]

  whole camp train of history and of a [TS]

  history with the city their own [TS]

  constituency their own like logical [TS]

  worldview they're all they're all all [TS]

  those worldviews are logical from within [TS]

  and all 40 of those groups i'm not [TS]

  talking about 40 people who have steaks [TS]

  but 40 groups of people that have steaks [TS]

  in that decision who want to talk to the [TS]

  City Council and tell them and explain [TS]

  their patiently explained and angrily [TS]

  explain their consistent worldview that [TS]

  from within consumes them they [TS]

  absolutely no they're right at that [TS]

  apartment building is going to create [TS]

  more homelessness for that apartment [TS]

  building is going to raise the tax base [TS]

  which will enable us to help the [TS]

  homeless or that apartment building is [TS]

  going to you know the fact that it needs [TS]

  to be union or the fact that it doesn't [TS]

  need to be union at on ad infinitum [TS]

  and so to sit on that bench and do that [TS]

  work well is a lifetime job or or a job [TS]

  that that you there you do need [TS]

  preparation to do you didn't do need to [TS]

  have a certain personality and you and [TS]

  it isn't just a matter of kicking your [TS]

  feet up on the desk and saying you know [TS]

  what sounds good to me do it don't do it [TS]

  seems like you could look to somebody [TS]

  like let's say a veteran journalist who [TS]

  has been walking through the corridors [TS]

  of power for years and that person my [TS]

  roll their eyes at someone who says i'm [TS]

  going to be an outsider and the fact [TS]

  that I don't know very much and don't [TS]

  have a plan helps me to not cloud my [TS]

  ideological vision for what needs two [TS]

  because reasons like somebody's in that [TS]

  position as let me again like a someone [TS]

  is a very very good journalist or [TS]

  scholar knows all that stuff but but [TS]

  even they have never done the job and [TS]

  when you get in and do the job you not [TS]

  only know or it's not only exposed to [TS]

  and know all of that complexity but then [TS]

  you have all the extra added complexity [TS]

  like I'm kind of just repeating what [TS]

  you're saying but like that's that's the [TS]

  part that I that I always think about [TS]

  like I mean I could have the best idea [TS]

  in the world for how the plumbing in my [TS]

  house should work but being an outsider [TS]

  when it comes to plumbing does not make [TS]

  me better at it than someone who's done [TS]

  it for 20 years but for somebody who [TS]

  understands the actual like you know you [TS]

  think about what something is really an [TS]

  expert somebody it's not just somebody [TS]

  who knows how to do it [TS]

  it's not just somebody has done [TS]

  repeatedly it's not just somebody who's [TS]

  done enough to be good at it but it's [TS]

  somebody who sees things you can't see [TS]

  and the can't even really be explained [TS]

  to you and that comes across as a [TS]

  certain kind of cynicism or hollowness [TS]

  that yet no you're just a pure [TS]

  politician now but it's also that they [TS]

  understand how many people in a position [TS]

  of power are going to be making calls [TS]

  when you decide to change the height [TS]

  limit you haven't you haven't thought [TS]

  about that because you have this pure [TS]

  vision of how that should be but [TS]

  somebody was done that job that that [TS]

  seemingly callow person who has that job [TS]

  has done nothing but deal with that the [TS]

  entire time they have that job until it [TS]

  becomes almost a primary part is [TS]

  learning how to deal with what everybody [TS]

  wants and that looks like Alice yes [TS]

  exactly but but what so so you know if [TS]

  there is a if I did have a hot take [TS]

  personally internally it was that [TS]

  watching you know watching the people [TS]

  that I follow the people that I agree [TS]

  with immediately frame what happened in [TS]

  a way in a self-serving way so that what [TS]

  they could maintain was their conviction [TS]

  that what we needed to do was get the [TS]

  elites out [TS]

  and now there was a new set of elites a [TS]

  new set of people that work that were [TS]

  supporting and confirming their belief [TS]

  that this elite structure was what was [TS]

  in our way and what we needed to do was [TS]

  get the people in there even though the [TS]

  person that just was elected was elected [TS]

  precisely because his argument was we [TS]

  needed to get the elites out and so I [TS]

  you know I watched my whole world and [TS]

  can continue to watch it on Twitter and [TS]

  the thing is we are fighting against [TS]

  racism we are fighting against sexism [TS]

  and these are noble goals and this is a [TS]

  lifetime fight for all of us and will be [TS]

  a lifetime fight for our children like [TS]

  this is our side of the mission of [TS]

  creating the world we want to see but [TS]

  that doesn't that the nobility of that [TS]

  project does not necessarily validate [TS]

  all of our processes it doesn't reflect [TS]

  back and set and then give us the the [TS]

  right to say that our methods are [TS]

  correct because our goals are noble and [TS]

  I am increasingly inclined to say people [TS]

  who have devoted their lives to [TS]

  government are not the enemy people who [TS]

  have people who work on behalf of others [TS]

  even if we don't agree with them or we [TS]

  in our conspiratorial sense that the [TS]

  world is pitted against us even if all [TS]

  evidence points to the fact that that [TS]

  person has actually is full of [TS]

  self-sacrifice and has devoted their [TS]

  lives to helping others which in my [TS]

  opinion Hillary Clinton has done right [TS]

  like she has not enriched herself she's [TS]

  not poor her husband has made a lot of [TS]

  money she gets paid for speeches I wish [TS]

  to fucking god i got paid for speeches [TS]

  of the way that she she does that's not [TS]

  mean [TS]

  there are people right now my age who [TS]

  are worth hundreds and hundreds of [TS]

  millions of dollars for doing nothing [TS]

  for sitting and transferring money from [TS]

  one bank to another their whole careers [TS]

  to say that Hillary Clinton is corrupt [TS]

  is just like you don't understand what a [TS]

  lifetime of service looks like but there [TS]

  are there are so many people out there [TS]

  whose business is government and whose [TS]

  work is in the world of of like this is [TS]

  the social sciences who work at the [TS]

  State Department their whole lives who [TS]

  work in the diplomatic corps and anyone [TS]

  on either side of the aisle is going to [TS]

  point to these people and say they are [TS]

  elites that are keeping that are that [TS]

  that are keeping this system that we [TS]

  disagree with in in in power and I look [TS]

  at them now and I say thank God for you [TS]

  and I do not want the people i do not [TS]

  want i do not believe that the people [TS]

  marching in the street no better [TS]

  necessarily i don't think that they are [TS]

  the people i want to hold elective [TS]

  office [TS]

  I don't want a revolution I want a slow [TS]

  methodical march in the hands of people [TS]

  of people who have made the study of [TS]

  this their life's work and I believe [TS]

  that that will result in justice because [TS]

  i think justice is inevitable [TS]

  like I think equality and this is the [TS]

  slow march of history argument that [TS]

  makes people really mad who think that [TS]

  they can yell and make history much [TS]

  faster and we and there's plenty of it [TS]

  plenty of examples of like move it [TS]

  things do move faster but things have [TS]

  just moved back you know this has been a [TS]

  this has been a big correction a bad [TS]

  back [TS]

  correction and all it does is confirmed [TS]

  to me that like you make a big stabbed [TS]

  things change and then you know and then [TS]

  the people that wanted a different way [TS]

  push back and but the margin history is [TS]

  what I'm what I count on and i hope that [TS]

  this era where this jacksonian sense [TS]

  that that like people throw down there [TS]

  ho and march on washington with their [TS]

  you know with their bag of corn meal [TS]

  over their shoulder and say I can do [TS]

  government better you know they can't we [TS]

  can't we [TS]

  I believe in like I don't believe in the [TS]

  in the electoral college anymore but you [TS]

  know I believe in elected [TS]

  representatives and we've just elected [TS]

  up a a big pile of garbage to that role [TS]

  and that is giving me pause and that's [TS]

  making me feel like i don't i don't know [TS]

  i don't I i do know that one that [TS]

  equality is that we have more quality [TS]

  today than we've ever had and that the [TS]

  current administration can't take that [TS]

  away and things are ugly on the street [TS]

  right now but you know that but I'm not [TS]

  redoubling my effort to do what I what I [TS]

  was doing a month ago [TS]

  I'm [TS]

  eating cereal doing chores [TS]